Two LETTERS, One from John Audland a QUAKER, TO William Prynne. THE OTHER, William Prynnes ANSWER, By the AUTHOR of HUDIBRAS.  
LONDON, Printed for Jonathan Edwin at the Three Roses in Ludgate Street. 1672.   

JOHN AUDLAND'S LETTER TO William Prynne.  
William Prynne,  
THou perpetual Scribe, Pharise, and Hypocrite, born to the destruction of Paper, and most unchristian effusion of Ink, thou Egyptian Taskmaster, of the Press, and unmerciful destroyer of Goosequils, that dost plunder and strip thy poor kindred naked to the skin, to maintain thyself in a Tyrannycal and Arbitrary way of Scribbling against thy Brethren, even the Independants and Quakers, over whom thou settest up thyself as an unrighteous judge, for a Righteous judge hath an Ear for both Parties, and thou hast none for either. Verily William thou dost evil and against the light within thee, to accuse thy Brethren of that, whereof thou art more guilty thyself; for though they break an Act of Parliament, yet thou didst worse, when thou wouldst have made one thyself, after thou hadst engaed thy Faith unto the House, that thou wouldst never lift up thy Heel against them more: Truly thou showest thyself in this no better than a Jew, in throwing the first stone at them, unless thou wert innocent thyself, and all thy Fundamental, Municipal, Common, Natural Law, will not serve to prove thee other, who hast been judged by the Laws of the Land, as a Pharise, to wear a Phylactery in public, and hast had thine Ears bored through according to the Mosaical Law: And I fear thy pretended Conversion to Christianity, is but in order to something else, even as the Mahometans (they say will not admit a jew to turn Turk, unless he first become a Christian. And that is the reason why thou art so cruel (like a Renegado) to those of thine own Sect, yea even unto those in whose quarrel thou hast lost Leather, for as one of thy Ears was cut off for Presbytery, even so was the other for Independency. But now I speak of thine Ears, give me leave to ask thee one question I have heard that those who have lost their Legs, do sometimes nevertheless feel pains in their Toes; and I would fain know whether toward change of weather thou dost not feel a kind of itching and tingling in those defunct Parings of thine, especially when Presbytery and Government are like to peep out again. For what else does thy railing against the Bishops (as well as us) hold forth? but that thou art the very same Will. Prynne Utter Barrister, that didst heretofore publish against them so many ridiculous Hatcases, and Bandboxes, in which thy works are always bound up, and are to be sold on the Southside of Pauls-Church-yard, where thy Stationers live. Among those I have seen thy Title pages pasted like Mountebanks Bills, in which thou dost always write Reformation, Law, Religion, and Fundamental in Capital Letters, even as those Quacks do Pox and Running of the Reins, and both to the same purpose, namely to deceive the Reader, and vapour of more than thou art able to perform. But o● the verbosity of thy writings! Solomon saith in many words there is folly, and thou hast proved it true: For thou writest perpetually in the Language of a Conveyance, and dost not indite but draw; and when thou shalt answer for every idle word, all the Bills and Answers in Chancery will rise up in judgement against thee. For thou usest so many impertinent Tautologies, that thy Reader can never understand what thou meanest, unless he should take the pains to draw Breviates of thy senseless repetitions which is unsufferable and not to be endured by a Freeborn English man And this serves the● to the same purpose, that Hems, & Hahs do thy guifted Ghostly Fathers, that is to lose time, and put off thy Commodity, namely Wast-Paper, whereof thou endeavourest to obtain the Monopoly, and thereby undo hundreds of Families that live by writing lewd and profane Plays, for when thou hast engrossed the whole Commodity of Wast-paper into thine own hands, their works will be left upon theirs; and in this thou takest a more wise and rational Course, than thou didst heretofore in writing Indentures against them. For thou knowest not how to write in any other strain, and therefore to let thee see how easy it is to attain unto thy gifts, I will now speak unto thee a few words in thine own way. Dost thou not remember William Prynne, when the long Parliament according to the ancient known fundamental, established Custom, Practice, Usage, Example, of all Rebels, Traitors, Cades, Tilers, Straws, set open the Prisons, Goals, Dungeons, Cages, and took the Prisoners, Felons, Malefactors, Jayl-birds into their Protection, Patronage, Safeguard, Tuition, and among others, thyself William Prynne aforesaid, with thy Brethren Companions, Copemates, Associates, Burton, Bastwick, Lilborn, Poe, etc. How the Sts. Brethren, godly, well-affected, rod out to meet thee, with the Sisters, Helpers, Damsels, Handmaids, behind them, on the tail of the Beast, struck with Antichristian Superstitions, Idolatrous, Rosemary and Bays to celebrate, welcome and congratulate thy Remitter, how they daubed, dashed, defiled and polluted thee the said William Prynne with Dirt, puddle, greetings, Salutation, that thou didst look more like unto a Pimp, Pander, Bawd newly carted than an Utter-Barrister Triumphant, and with how dirty and filtly a grace, fashion and demeanour, thou didst bow, stoop, and lout to thine Idolaters, the Rabble rout, crowd on both sides of the street, or streets, who made an Idol of the Rings of thine Ears, even as the Jaws did of their Earrings. This verily William is thy perfect Style, and right manner of expression, in which thou art the f●eer of thy windy Stuff because thou comest easily by it, for thou dost but turn over thy Concordances, and the Indices of thy Books, and wheresoever thou findest any thing of Quake Tremble and Shake from the motion of the Heavens to the wagging of a Dog's tail, thou appliest it right or wrong unto Us, and that it may seem to be to some purpose, thou dost always, print it in CAPITAL LETTERS, because such were heretofore, to very good Purpose imprinted on thy cheeks by the Ministration of that Son of Be ial the Excecutioner. But I cannot understand how thou or thy Rabble of Sts. could answer the Churches for commiting the abominable Sin of Bays and Rosemaryness which they had before and have since so often condemned, for if it be Idolatrous and Superstitious (as they have determined) to stick those Creatures in the windows of Ste●ple-houses, much more must it be on their own Vessels. All that they have (in mine opinion) to say for themselves, is that they served thee up (like a Westphalia Ham) with Bays, as thou art a Pagan Poet, according to the profane Custom of thy fore Fathers the Heathen, though he that has the patience to read thy vile untunable Dittys, will rather take t●ee for an Irish Rat-catcher that is said to Rhim Vermin to Death, than the English Prudentius or Robert Wisdom Junior, as some of thine own T●●be style thee, according to the Flesh for thou dost abuse Scripture most unconscionably against its own express command, in casting holy things into Doggerel, which is worse and more abominable then unto Dogs, and this thou performest so dully that some of the Vertuoso's have been puzzled to find out the reason of it, till they were informed that when thou writest, thou dost use always to set a Death's head on thy Desk before thee as one Campanella a Popish Friar, is said to have done the Pictures of those to whom he intended to address his writings, and found it most certain upon several experiments, that the person to the Resemblance of whose Countenance he could nearest force and screw, his own was always most pleased with his writings; And this they are confident is the natural reason why thy compositions are so flat and dull, that they will hardly hold till the Ink is dry, and when they are printed, not one of an hundred will endure the stitching, but turn to such homely uses as they are most fit and proper for. Truly William, if I were your friend I should advise you to leave this freak of the Death's head, lest the young Gentleman of the House, surprise you again, as you know) they once did at midnight, and make you drink healths-Sickness in it again on your bare Marrowbones. But I wonder in what part of the world thy Readers live, if there are any such Creatures in nature; verily they ought to have their shoulders grow about their heads, like John Mandevile's People in Africa, for there is more of labour and drudgery, than understanding required, and they ought to have a large measure of Patience, Long-suffering and Ignorance, that can endure to read one Page of thine: For as in the North, the more dirty and foul the High-waves are, the larger measure they allow to their Miles; even so dost thou to thy tedious dull Impertinencyes, in so much that some are of opinion that thy Readers ought to be Dieted (like Running-Nags, before they can be in breath to read thy longwinded Periods, which none but, such as thyself will submit to, for if few words do best with the Wise none of those will ever endure to have any thing to do with thee. And yet I have heard that thou dost not a little glory that thy works have passed through all sorts of times, (but only those wherein they were refuted by the hand of this old Antagonist the Hangman) without dispute or question. It is very true indeed, they are utterly incapable of confutation, as some places are rendered impregnable by their barren Rockey Seituations, or by being fortified with Mudwals and Ditches, He that should venture to Encounter thee at thv own Weapon, might be said to Revive the old way of fight with Sandbags, the true Types of thy dry disjointed Stuff, and beside must of necessity cite so many several sorts of Wares, from Plums and Sugar, to mundungus and Rats bane, with which thy works are always bound up, that his writings will be charged with Quotations as full and dull as thine own; But since so many Chandler's and Haberdasher's of small wares, have undertaken to confute thee, and proceeded so far therein already, it were an act of great imprudence to take the task out of their hands who are best able to go through with it. And therefore I shall leave it to them to determine, whether thou hast substantially and solidly proved the Quakers to be jesuitical Romish Capouchin Frogs, with masks on their faces put on by the Jesuits and pulled off by chee, as thou dost confidently undertake to perform in thy Title Page. Truly William I do confess those Jesuits are dangerous fellows, thou hadst best look about thee and have a care, for it is verily believed by many knowing Persons, that they have always set thee on work no less than the Independants: and have received a better return from thy Horselike drudgery, though thou hast no more wit to perceive then a Fool has to know by what hand it is set on work. And if they bewitched the Quakers (as thou dost confidently affirm) it is most certain they have drawn thee into that feat too. For if it be true as some carnal Learned men aver, that Witches fetch the materials of their Medicines, from Gibbets and Pil●●●es the Parings of thine ears have been among their Ingredients, and thou are guilty thereof.  
But I fear I begin to be like thee, that is tedious to no purpose, for I do not expect that any thing can do ●ood upon thee, who hast been so often incorrigible to ●e Laws, for as the strength of two men in their wits is 〈◊〉 sufficient to hold down and quiet one Madman, even 〈◊〉 art thou proof against all reason and light, and there●●●e I will cast away no more upon thee, but leaving 〈◊〉 to thine own Darkness, with the old saying, bid thee twice Good-night.  
John Audland.   

THE ANSWER OF William Prynne.  
John Audland,  
THou Quaking Quack, Jesuitical Romish Franciscan Frog, See my Quaker unmasked, pag. 1. 13. Thou that art the Devil's dice-box which he SHAKES, Rattles, wags, to gull, cheat, delude, and seduce the intoxicated giddy-headed, English Nation. Thou that art sick of thy Church, and hast catched thy Religion like a Palsy, Epilepsy, Ague, and art taken with Tertian, Quartan, Quotidian cold fits, at thy Superstitious, Idolatrous Jesuitical Meetings, Assemblies, Conventicles. See my Health's Sickness, p. 150. The Northern blast, pa. 90. The Pope crossing the Cudgels, p. 297. Whereas thou sayest I have no Ears, etc. therein thou showest that thou hast no Light, Reason, understanding, For as a house is judged to be a house in Law as long as any part thereof is standing, and a light piece of Gold is good and lawful English Coin, currant with allowance, although it be clipped, filled, washed or worn; even so are my Ears, legal, warrantable, and sufficient Ears, and good in Law, however they have been clipped; pared, cropped circumcised, and I have a better Title to the Remainders than thou hast to thine, for they have been twice adjudged to me by the Laws of the Land, which thine never were. For those parcels, scraps, shreds, that I was deprived of, did but confirm my Right to those that are (see my own Abridgement at large, pag. 29. Lisle upon Gerrard, pa. 26. The Legality of Treason, in two parts, S. G. upon both, pag. 666) left, for exceptio firmat legem in casibus non exceptis.  
This shows that the light within thee, of which thou dost vapour, brag, vaunt, and extol thyself so much, is but a kind of dusky Owl-light, a trembling, twinkling, stinking stuff, which thou carriest in thy Paunch, Guts, Bowel, as an Ox, Bull or Cow doth Tallow to make Candles of, or the Cattle of Lincoln shire do the Fuel of the Country, and thou knowest who it was that looked over Lincoln, and cried, All's mine, as he will in time do over ye Quakers, Frogs, Vipers, See my Hidden works of darkness, p. 400. A Looking glass for a blind guide, p. 79. Friars a Fry of Frogs, p. 220 etc.  
Whereas thou sayst, urgest, and objectest, that I would have made an Act of Parliament, therein thou art mistaken, deceived and deluded, for I would rather have marred, spoilt and perverted one according to the sense, judgement and opinion of the House (and ejus est interpretari eujus est condere, see Bra●on) by putting in, adding and incerting some thing or things of my own invention, wit, contrivance, that had not passed their Votes, and putting out, eracing, and expunging other things, which had, which cannot be said, held, or judged to be a breach of Law, because it was before it was made one, and if it had been so, yet it would have proved no great crime, fault, offence, for exchange (thou knowest) is no robbery. See The foot out of the snare, pag. 53. Prynnes Principles, p. 200. which is more than you can say, produce, or allege for yourselves, who are a generation, Spawn, Litter of Vipers, Frogs, Serpents, so obstinate, peremptory, incorrigib e, that you break the Act of Parliament, at the same time that it is put in Execution against you, like unto a Cut purse that picks a Pocket when he is going to be hanged, for you crowd, thrust and intrude yourselves into Prisons by shoals, that you may in defiance of Law, Government, Authority, meet more than five together, although it be in the Goal. See my Sword of Christian Magistracy suppressed, p. 550. The Sectary dissected, p. 82.  
Whereas thou sayest I write in the stile, form, language of a Conveyance, therein I do according to my Profession, Calling, Vocation, and if thou hadst done so too, thou hadst been but a Mechanic still, and hadst not ordained thyself a Hedge-Sir john of an Orderless Order and unruly rule, the Original, Rise, or beginning, whereof is as uncertain as the Head or Heads of Nile, or the hatching of Woodcocks, for no body can cell from whence it came, (See, Truth Triumphing, pag. 79. The Jesuit a lebusite, p. 904.) a Church, or rather Chapel indeed, that is built upon a Quaking Dog (mark that) or flat quick sand, without supertor or inferior in it, like the Knights of King Arthur's (See the Seven Champions of Christendom) Round Table, or the Serpent Amphisbaena (of which, see Pliny (that has a head at both ends.  
Mahomet the false Prophet of the Turks, was the first Prophet, Patriarch, Founder of the Quakers. For he had trembling trances, and frantic fits of the Falling sickness, in which he had Revelations, dreams, Visions whispered into his ear by a Dove Pigeon or Widgeon, that he had instructed and taught, used to pick seeds out of his ear or ears; which seeds, are the seeds of your Church as well as his, for they produce the very same fruits, effects, workings in both, and both equally hope to be saved by him. And hence it is, that all your wishes, longings, desires are in the Turks overrunning of Christendom; for as both they and you account Fools, Idiots, Mad men, Saints; you do not doubt but to pass easily for such with them, for your great abilities in those gifts. And therefore as your Brethren the aforesaid Turkish Mahometan fanatics, devote, destiny, damn, themselves to destruction, merely to tyre, weary, make work for, and put a stop to the Christians in their Wars: and fill up Ditches, grafts, trenches with their bodies, carcases, outward men for their fellow Mussel men to march over; even so ye also think to weary out the Officers of Justice, with your numberless numbers, and render yourselves as hard to be cast out as Legion the Devil incorporate did, of whom ye are a Type. See The Stationer's Beacon fired, p. 1000 The Sectary in Sippets, pa. 202.  
By all which, it appears that ye have a Turk as well as a Pope in your bellies, and that ye delight in Persecution, in affliction, Tribulation, as some old extravagent fantastic fornicators, find a pleasure in being whipped, and out of these sores engender one another, by aequivocal generation, as Fly's blows Maggots, which afterwards become Flies and blow others. See my Rome's Masterpiece, p. 808. Settle brain for a Sectary, p. 9 A syringe for a sore sinner, p. 78.  
That you are Jesuitical, Romish Franciscan Frogs, Witches, Sorcerers, appears in that ye meet to quake, tremble, quiver, and converse with your Spirits, lmps, Familiars; and that ye came from Rome out of the North, from whence evil and destruction cometh, as I have proved, cleared, demonstrated, and evinced in my Quaker unmasked, p. 84. Lights Darkness, p. 26. For as the Needle in the Mariners Compass Trembles (mark that) and points to the North, even so do ye, ye trembling Quivering, Shivering Quakers. And as Witches are most frequent in me North, and the colder a Climate is, the apt are the Inhabitants thereof (see my first answer to thyself) to quake, etc. It follows that Quakers and Witches are of the growth of the same place, and both of the same Nature, quality, and condition; For as Witches swim upon the water like light scum, even so are Quakers, the scum of the earth, that shake themselves like water-dogs when they come out of a Pond (see my Popish Royal Favourite, p. 800. Sweet sips of Soul-Savingness, p. 53. Lastly, as witch's liquor their staves, and fly through the Air; even so do Quakers liquour their throats with enchanted Potions, and gape to suck in the air that it may fly through them, & blow the light within them; (see Emmot and Gilpin, pa. 7. Aldermanburic bottle opened, p. 20.) at their Exorcisms rather than Exercises of Devotion. Whereas thou sayest I was branded, burnt or Stigmatised in the Cheeks, 'tis true, I was so, nor am I at all ashamed of, sorry for, or abashed thereat, but rather set a greater value on myself therefore, as I believe I have very good reason, cause, consideration to do, for I was only used like a sealed measure, burnt, branded for being true. See my Verses written on this occasion in the Tower of London, in haec verba.  
Of this Opinion William Prynn was the  
sixth day of March six hundred thirty three.  
Nor was it improper, unfit, or unbecoming a man of my Profession, cloth, vocation, that is, to measure equal Law right, Justice between man and man. See Truth Triumphing, p. 10. The Pricking Provender of Prelacy, p. 907.  
As for the Jesuits, who thou fairest made use of the scraps of my Ears, to bewitch the Quakers, etc. If they did so, it was no fault of mine, nor am I bound to answer for it; for when the aforesaid parings, scraps, shred, were severed from my freehold, they were no longer mine, nor am I to be accountable for the evil administration of them, when they were out of my power, charge, cuition. But if they had been in my own possession, and the Jesuits had stolen them to bewitch the Quakers to listen to their enchantments: It is not Just that I should answer for their Ears and my own too. See Speculum jesact. p. 95. I be frantic Franciscan, p. 700. A hole picked in the Pope's coat, p. 30. Whereas thou sayest the Brethren; Godly &c, road out with the sister's helpers etc. I do confess, thank, acknowledge their loving kindness therein; And if they did evil in sticking Rosemary and Bays upon their Vessels, bodies, outward Folks, as thou sayest against the doctrine and discipline of the Presbyterian Church: It is no more than the Members, Tools, Limbs of the Devil and thy Synagouge did to the Patriarch Patron, and Founder of their Order james Nayler, whom they exalted above his brethren upon an Ass, and ran bare before both, against the Fundamental, known established Rule, Canon, Constitution of their disorderly Order. See The Buckle of the Canonical Girdle, turned behind, p. 63. The Quaker Quashed, p. 4.  
Whereas thou sayest my works are bound up in Hatcases, etc. If thou wouldst but buy one of those, and put thy hat therein, it would operate upon, and instill into thy Noddle, sconce Logger head more sense, reason, understanding; and teach thee better manners then to keep iron before a Court of Justice: by which thou dost but show, declare, demonstrate, that thou hast a Crack, Flaw, soft place in thy Scull; and in that respect art very careful to keep it warm, lest thy sickly brains (if thou hast any) should take cold. And as for those Chandler's and Haberdasher's of small wares etc. which thou sayest have undertaken to oppose, answer, confute me.  
Verily they will find it a harder task than they are aware of, for I have already written, Printed, published, 160 odd Works, Books, Labours; and before they have done with those, do not doubt to have as many more in a readiness, and to find employment, work, business, enough for them all; as long a Church and State can furnish, store, supply me with subject, matter. Provided I may have process enough to carry on the work; and can but procure, induce, engage our Presbyterian brethren the Nonconformists to help, aid, and assist me, which (it being so much for their owe advantage, interest, concernment, and they having at present nothing else to do) I do not doubt to obtain.  
Will. Prynne.