THE Auricular Confession OF TITUS OATHS TO THE Salamanca-Doctor, His CONFESSOR.  
Reverend Father,  
IT is now that unlooked for time of day, that the titular Saviour of three Nations, not pricked with the most pungent stimulations of a guilty Conscience, but enveloped with black despair, and careless of any portion of Heaven, lies prostrate at your feet, not in hopes of Absolution, (being more than the Roman-See can dispense) but humbly begging your attention till I enumerate some darling Peccadillo's of mine, the repetition whereof may, peradventure, be as grateful to your ear, as to the Impenitent that relates them: And give me leave to marshal them in order, as they are more or less nefarious in the judgement of the conscientious.  
ATHEISM. This has been, I frankly own, my bosom-friend, and Co aeval to my capacity of reasoning, as may be seen by my asserting the mortality of the Soul, against the opinion of my dear deceased Dr. Tonge, in the time of our prosperity at Whitehall; Nay, if you take it not for truth, (since spoken by me) I'll refer you to our Friend at Colledge's Trial, (pag. 49.) who avers, That I have confounded the Gospel, and denied the Divinty too.  
SODOMY. Let the World deny me guilty of this if they please, I could produce you a whole LANE to prove it once.  
APOSTASY. The very Jump you see me wear, indicateth my aversion for my late long Robe, and for the Profession that enjoins the wearing it. I assumed it to serve the Cause, (the only Deity I adore) and that meeting with a damned rub, or total Defeat, I am at liberty from all observation of Formalities.  
PERJURY. This is as natural to me, as Milk to a Calf; I could swear Impossibilities, possible; Contraries, agreeable; Contradictions, consonant; Watton and Islington all the same spot of Earth; To know, and not know a man at the Tame time; and that the numerical Body of Titus was in two distinct Kingdoms at the same instant; cum multis aliis, quae nunc, etc.  
TREASON. This is the rotten Disease of our Party, so contageous in itself, that no change of Air can help the affected; nay, of so leprous a quality, that it corrupts Generations yet to come, and inexistent; no Bolus can help the Patient, no Pill purge him, or any thing prove a restorative, but that whereof (alas!) there is no prospect, a Potion prepared by both Houses of Parliament, and administered by the King. The Disease is so desperate, and the Remedy so inaccessible, that I will only leave you to your censure, whether I (the most active in all Villainies) am behind any of my fellows in so black a Crime.  
INGRATITUDE. Witness, when this Conspiracy had another face, under that Vizard I had a bountiful exhibition, as a Discoverer: Yet nothing could deter me from appearing brazen faced in vindication of the Innocence of our St. Stephen at Oxon, tho' guilty of conspiring the Death of my King and Patron, together with all the ills that might have followed thereof.  
RAPE. I can with confidence assure you, that of all the Catalogue of Crimes, I am of this only Innocent, having the strongest aversion imaginable for the use of Women the right way. This likewise clears me of Incest.  
MURDER. If ever I was guilty hereof, it was only in an innocent way of false Swearing; but the more immediate and butcherly part thereof I leave to that Armi, potent Pugil, the Brass-Silver hammerer at the sign of the Cris-Cross, or Gallows; or to my Brother William, the Horse-kidnapper, at his Apartments in the other World.  
I understand the Law says, Crimina majoris culpae sunt minoris infamiae; therefore I leave out Misprision of Treason, Burglary, Larceny, and all other suchlike inconsiderable miscarriages, as too mean, and unbecoming the grandeur of so culminate a Delinquent.  
Under this complication of Iniquities, obdurate and remorseless I labour; of a Preserver; I stand in a fair way for the Gallows; what a plague shall I do? to anticipate Esquire Catch I have not the Courage; besides, the Tories would say I did it in imitation of a felo de se of Honour, as not having so prolifical a Brain as to devise any other gentiel way of Exit. I will not be positive; however, I will differ in mode and circumstance, tho' we agree in the main; for, sub sigillo confessionis, I tell you, I will mount that Monument that bears Patience's sham-Inscription of the Conflagration occasioned by the Papists; I will view the City round; cast my eye upon treating Wapping, and weep; then turn towards the North; (Oh! that Name puts me in mind of hospitious Bethel.) I will shame the Law; evade all manner of rhetorical flourishes; throw myself over the Balconey; break my Neck; and post to the Devil.  
And thus my Friends may see, tho' Fate fixed me not in so high an Orb as some of my fellow-Conspirators, our Ambition was not disproportionable; for I'll die as soaring a Traitor as any of them all.   

Printed for the Instruction of Confessing Plotters, 1683.