ADVICE TO A PAINTER. In a POEM to a FRIEND.  
Si quis atro dente me petiverit,  
Inultus ut Flebo Puer?  Horace. 
Printed for J. Davies, 1681.   

To the Marshal Royalists, the Right Honourable, the Right Worshipful and truly Noble Members of the LOYAL SOCIETY, united in a Glorious Artillery in the City of Bristol.  
Worthy Gentlemen,  
YOur voluntary entrance into this Loyal Band, is as great a Specimen (methinks) of your particular Valours, as that of lapping the Waters amongst Gideons Soldiers, when he was to fight the Midianites, and to show you how ignorant your Adversaries are in the design of the holy Writ, like their Forefathers of Rebellion that mistook the Text of Curse ye Meroz, when they went out like Fools and Knaves to help the Lord against the Mighty,) they upbraid to you, forsooth, the paucity of your Numbers, (in an empty Libel) which alone shows you to be under the Banners of the Lord of Hosts, who reduced the Armies of Two and thirty thousand to Three hundred, because they were too many for him to overcome by: You are those few (my hearts) picked out on purpose to do his Wonders, at whose first sight the late Sharer of the Government marched of with his ragged Regiment, like a nasty Fog, before the Sun ascending to his Meridian, or Oreb and Zeeb, before the Sword of the Lord, and of Gideon, for they (and none other) can be truly said to wield either of those Weapons, but men in your Circumstances, commissioned by your Liegelord (who alone has power to grant them) for your so doing.  

You've broke your Pitchers, shown your Lights,  
And by your Stratagems, the Midianites,  
(Those giddy Mists) are vanished from your Plain;  
You! like Apollo, have the Python slain,  
In honour of whose Name the Pythean Plays  
Were typically Acted, for your Rays,  
Like the Repentance of King Pharaoh's mind,  
Dismiss those Frogs and Lice from Egypt's kind.   

Hinc illae Lachrimae—  
Ab hoc fonte derivata simultas  
In Regem regiménque fluxit.   
I am informed that Six or Seven empty Bottles at first, one of which is since cracked, and another quite broken, clubbed to the making up of One Billingsgate Loggerhead, and he advised a Painter very scurrilously, and dully, to traduce you all in general, and particularly those of the first rate amongst you: I confess, ever since that senseless Ribaldry came to my view, I have been disputing which of Solomon's Advices to follow, whether to answer a Fool in his Folly, or not, were the best way to appear in your vindication. But upon better thoughts, I have advised a Painter (in the ensuing Poem) to exhibit such Calumniators in their Colours; that the World may see what sort of People those Opposers of Government are called out on; the ignorance and scurrility of whom, I am so great a hater of, that I have avoided treading in their steps, by particularising either Place, or Person: so that none but the guilty (who aught to suffer) can be offended at it; yet they also may escape the punishment if they have the Wit to hold their Tongues, for when one Rogue is described amongst a thousand Persons, who but a Fool will declare himself to be the Man, by quarrelling with the Painter for his draught: it follows than, that a Man may be a Knave unknown to his Neighbours, if he cunningly carries it of by Silence; but if he uncovers himself by Passion, than we must conclude him a Fool, and a Knave too, and so I'll leave him, for Nemo me impunè lacessit.  
Gentlemen, I shall use no other Argument to persuade your Acceptance of this Dedication, but to tell you, it was designed to expose the King's and your Enemies; and Written by one that honours your Design, loves your Persons, and (as you are all Sons of the Church of England) is  
Your affectionate Brother, and humble Servant, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.   

TO THE READER.  
THIS Advice to a Painter was Writ about July, 1680. when insolence to Majesty, and Magistracy, was more fashionable than (I thank God) now it is. And has hitherto expected the good hour to walk abroad in, when Loyalty may take the Air without fear of Thiefs and Robbers. It came to me from an unknown hand, and was designed it seems to Shame some foolish scurrilous Poetasters, that had than Libelled all the King's true Subjects in this City.  
If I knew the Author, I'd tell you my Name also, for than you might ask the Question, I declare I cannot answer. Ergo, etc.  
From Bristol May 3ᵈ. 1681. Anonymus.   

ADVICE TO A PAINTER.  

CANTO I  
Painter is advised to draw,  
Corporation kept in awe,  
The Hieroglyphic of a Burrow fooled,  
Being by Member of her own, o'er ruled.  
Dear Painter,  
DRaw a great blind she Bear, with a brass Ring  
Fixed in her Nose; and through that draw a String.  
Held by a snarling, dogged, ill-looked Pleader,  
At Paris-garden Bar; and let him lead her.  
In 's t'other hand, (skilled Pencil) let him feel,  
An Oaken plant, tipped at both ends with Steel,  
(As well to stave of Curs, as Bruin Sway,)  
Whom left it should be thought she don't obey,  
Let him lean hers, when she don't tend his way.  
So rarely done, that Passers-by may Swear,  
This Surely is her Bearward, That his Bear.   

CANTO II.  
Corporation's brought a Bed  
Of Anarchy; her Babes are led  
By Bearward, to the River Jordan,  
Where Crop gives name to every Lordain.  
NExt draw this Vrsa Mayor in her throws,  
Convulsed by her hard labour, Whelping those  
Ensuing Cubs, licked into various Shapes,  
As (e) Monkeys, Martins, Baboons, Jackanapes;  
Taught in their Youth, as Novices by Friar,  
By barking Bearward Midwife, Son, and Sire,  
Whom pray don't forget to Paint with is Staff,  
Just at this green Bear's tail, to make you laugh,  
Watching (as careful Neatherds do their Kine)  
Jest she should eat her nauseous Secundine.  
Than draw a Haw-thorn Bush, and let him place  
The Heam upon't, with Faith, that the next race,  
May Females prove, for one Dissenting She  
Moore mischief does in rule, than all we see  
Of the more worthy Gender: Painter than,  
First prithee trigg me out with careful Pen,  
(Let it contend with Brains, show artful Strife,  
For I would feign have this done to the life)  
A crop eared factious Nomenclator; that  
(As the Hen at Bedminster did lay a Cat)  
May by his power to name say, this great Bear  
Did Whelp a Bearward, Sword-bearer, and Mare,  
With many Cubs besides, which you must frame  
At this Gamaliel's Feet to get a Name,  
And jest Specific Waters he should want,  
Most natural to each respective Plant,  
Draw full all Vessels but the sacred Font,  
From various Rivers, fit for Spiritual Warfare,  
Those of Damascus, Abana and Pharpar,  
Euphrates, Gion, Pyson, Jordan, Tweed,  
To dip, or sprinkle, souse, or dowse this breed;  
Than for the mangy Brats amongst 'em; draw,  
The Leaper-cleanser, Ulcer-curing spa,  
Tan-fats, and Lime-pits, lest the Waters taint,  
Vessels of honour and dishonour paint,  
This for Cub-reprobate, that for Cub saint.  
Than in the Devil's name, tho' in Christian guise,  
Let him begin these Rebels to baptise.  
Of Rhosne's Stream that runs through Lemane Lake,  
(With Cub in Arms) a handful let him take,  
And sprinkling say; this is the damn'dest Cur  
Of all the Litter: him, Jack Presbyter,  
I therefore name: than for the Gossips draw,  
Knox, Buchanan, Wat Tyler, and Jack Straw,  
With Sir John Oldcastle, and Mayor Weir,  
Hexham, and all the Whigs i'th' Northern Bear,  
Which Constellation may the Devil tear.  
In Jordan's Laver choosing than the aptest,  
Next Jack for mischief, dip him Anabaptist.  
And for his bold Sectators pray' e decipher,  
Tom. Muncer, Jack of Leyden, Nick Stock, Phipher,  
Tuscoverer, and Becold, Knipperdolling,  
A Goldsmith Prophet, and a Tailor King:  
That to sad Ruin did poor Munster bring;  
Pox on Sheath tail, that keeps such Cursed Sting.  
The unruliest of the rest, let crop Ears call  
Rude Antinomian; which may serve for all  
Rebellious Cubs, from Burroughs loins that fall,  
From Centre Pinn to Circumferent Wall.  
I'th' Tanfat dowse another, and him Name  
A Brownist; than the lustful Cub to tame,  
Souse him i'th' Lime-pit, scour the Blackmoor white,  
Take of his Haircloth, call him Adamite.  
I'th' Medicinal Bath, the Chiliast claimed,  
For Preservation, that he might be named,  
The Nestlin Cub, half starved, Crop called a Quaker,  
A won way'd-Whelp, that does disgrace his Maker.  
A senseless Cub, he Muckhiltonian styled,  
Which masty Brat the Waters so defiled,  
Last Cub of Baptism it had beguiled.  
Had not sagacious Crop, to make an end on't,  
Spit in his Face, and called him Independent.   

CANTO III.  
Demas Bear-ward's now turned Pedant  
Of Body, how to set a Head on't;  
Teaches Brats of Corporation,  
They become the pest o'th' Nation.  
PAinter, you need not change his Face, nor hue,  
For the same ugly Visage here will do,  
As did in Paris-garden, only see  
You make a decent change on's drapery;  
Instead of Staff put into's hand a Rod,  
Haughty behaviour, grace, or scornful nod,  
Such as to Mortals may become a God.  
On Cub that pleases him, pray make him snear  
On whom he's jealous, let Orbilius lear,  
And pray let both the Aspects be severe.  
The great Bear's Litter first about him draw,  
Than placed above them, with extended Paw,  
Old threadbare Cloak, tucked close under his arm,  
And rusty Beaver cocked: let him alarm  
His mixed Disciples; to them let him say,  
This (my beloved) is the glorious day,  
When the Sunshines the wise man makes his Hay.  
Keep close, my Lads, unto each holy Name  
You were baptised in, and increase your fame.  
Contend in naught but getting Proselytes  
To your select Professions, against the Rites  
Of Church pretensions, for in doing so  
You multiply to Friend, subtract from Foe;  
And as they lesser, so you bigger grow.  
Let lovely Toleration with you devil,  
What mischief ere you do pretend it well;  
Let actions seen, be Heaven; tho' unseen, Hell.  
Thus you'll delude the Silliest, who are most,  
And he that has the Numbers rules the roast;  
Now, though you each with other seem to be  
Disjoined in Worship; against Monarchy  
Be sure you all unite: the good old Cause  
Will give you brave Preferments 'bove the Laws.  
Do's Pride, or Noll, the Brewers, sound so well  
As the Protector, or as Colonel?  
Does clownish Desborough, the Ploughman, call  
For such respect, as Mayor General?  
Had Barkestead, Thimble-maker, half the power  
As Barkestead, when Lieutenant of the Tower?  
Has Hewson, Cobbler, the Euphonie of Lord?  
And don't Sir Reverence sweeter smell than—  
E'ned four in decimals a Babe to eight?  
And is a man the lower for his height?  
You're all in the same Station these were than,  
And what has once been may be done again.  
Cheer up my Lads, and choose for your Bravado  
Some sage Apostate, armed with a Croisada,  
He's in at all that's once turned Renegado.  
I make no doubt, the adverse part will say,  
Such various minds can't all be i'th' right way.  
They'll fond tell you, Brethrens must agreed,  
That may be done without a Unity  
In Church, or State, as plainly will appear  
By Dint of Argument; for look you here,  
(My trusty Boys) you're all Sons of one Bear,  
So, Brethrens, yet each one has his share  
Of Spiritual Portion (set apart as Land  
To several Heirs) on which foundation stand:  
Did ever any but a Fool contend  
For that which Custom had put to an end?  
Turn over Nature's Volumes, and Converse  
With all the Animals i'th' Universe.  
Ask the Philosophers, see if you found  
Two of their Wisest ever of one Mind;  
And yet they love each other, live, and die,  
And rise again in their Posterity,  
To do the same; nay, all the Plants that are  
Put forth at first two Leaves dissimular  
From the same Root, yet this and that agrees,  
And stand all Wethers, till they're Shrubs or Trees;  
These Reasons well digested, Boys, why than  
Should man think to unite the Minds of men?  
Or quarrel at unlikeness in us? nay,  
Had nature e'er decreed, as these men say,  
We should be all alike, she would ha' shown's the way.  
All they pretend the Law runs on their side,  
Alas! want Wealth, and power stem that tide,  
What Conqueror for villainy e'er smarted?  
Or whoring Duchess (as poor Jade) is carted?  
Who steals a horse, or kills a man, must die  
By th' Law, whilst he's exalted to the sky,  
That robs and kills whole Nations; thus you see,  
Not rape, but want, giveth name to villainy.  
Courage my hearts! resolve than to be brave,  
Thus stands the Victor, and thus stands the Slave.  
The Fate of either as you choose, you'll have.  
Thus Pedant spoke: now, Painter, let the Boys  
(If you know how) make an exulting noise,  
Cast up their Caps, and clap their hands, as tho'  
They were already flushed in blood of Foe;  
And were possessed of what they had expected,  
For making God, their King, and Church neglected.  
Than to some angry Herald, pray' e repair,  
To be advised what Arms those Cubs shall bear.  
And let him search the Magazine of Hell  
For proper Coats, to those that dare rebel  
Before he trigs them out: but for Supporters,  
Vultures and Harpies pressing on to tortures.  
Paint them in bloody Colours, armed, and languid,  
And when you've drawn 'em all, let 'em be hanged.   
FINIS.   

TO MY FRIEND Mr. ΑΝΤΙΘΕΟΦΟΡΗΤΟΣ.  
SIR,  
I Have perused your advice to the Painter, and the design pleases me so well that I wish it was Printed, and as intelligible as your Scholia's upon it could make it, for if those few enclosed parts of it, (which I here purposely sand you) were explained, I am of opinion it would live for ever, to be the mirror of Schismatics, and consequently a stop to the Career of Disobedience, especially to the sincere Bigots; for when they shall see by this Glass, how ugly they appear in such Communities, and inquire into the villainy of their respective Teachers; they will for shame acquit their Conventicles, and come (as the King commands them by his Laws) to serve God in their own Parish Churches, at the proper times appointed. I have given you my Opinion, with liberty to pursue your own, and remain  
Yours, T. G.   

To my Worthy FRIEND Mr. T. G.  
SIR,  
I Thank you for your Advice, which was not given in vain, as will appear by my Annotations upon those places, which you think to be obscure, which at your request appear now in public, as followeth,  
SIR, Your Affectionate, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉▪   


NOTES upon the Epistle Dedicatory.  
(a) Gideons Soldiers.] The Story of Gideon routing Oreb and Zeeb, and the Midianites, see in the Seventh Chapter of Judges.  
(b) Curse ye Meroz] Was denounced against those that assisted not their lawful King, which our Rebels made use on in our late Civil War, to curse those that did not assist the Usurpers against him.  
(c) The paucity of your number.] The scurrilous ignorant advice to a Painter, which abused the Artillery, reproached them for that their number did not amount to the years of the Age of man: which Story (had it been true, alluding to the Lappers that beaten the Midianites) the Dedicator accounts to their Praise.  
(d) Sharer, etc.] An Officer set up by himself, without any Authority undertook to teach the use of Arms in Bristol, routed by the Artillery who are commissionated for what they do; this vanquished Officer, for saying he was a Sharer in the Government, was indicted at Wells Assizes.  
(e) Hinc illae lachrimae.] The Artillery that came in their places exasperated them to make their railing Libels, which abused the Loyal Nobility, and Gentry amongst them.  
(f) Six or Seven] We have an Account of so many that clubbed to the making those senseless Verses, and 'tis said one of the Poetaster is mad, and another dead since.   

NOTES upon the First Canto.  
(a) Hieroglyphics] Or Images of things, by which (as we by Letters) the Egyptians were want to express themselves, as a Dove for Innocence, a Serpent for Wisdom, so a blind She-bear for a Corporation that's led by the Nose by one of her Members, as the Bears are by their Bear-wards.  
(b) Paris-garden Bar] Or the Bear garden at London, where the Dog and Bear is Plaintiff and Defendant, and the Bearward and Butcher pled their causes.  
(c) Tipped at both ends] The description of a Bear-ward's Staff.  
(d) Bruin] A Romantic name for a Bear.  
(e) Lean hers, etc.] Haughty Pride, and insolent Ambition, will choose rather to quit their Principles than be thought to loose their Authority.   

NOTES upon the Second Canto.  
(a) Anarchy] Or Confusion, a multitude of harebrained People of several persuasions.  
(b) Crop] Stands here for a Nonconformist, or a Tub-Preacher.  
(c) Lordain] An idle Dunce, or Blockhead.  
(d) Ursa Major] Or this great She-blind Bear, the Hieroglyphic of a Corporation.  
(e) Monkeys, Baboons, etc.] These Imitators only of Mankind I take to be fit Representatives for such spawn as will never come to perfection.  
(f) Novices] As the cunning Friars instruct the Novices their Disciples, so you'll found in the next Canto (when the Cubs grow more docible) the Bearward turned Schoolmaster, and Lecturing them into Rebellion.  
(g) Barking Bearward, etc.] Or snarling ill conditioned Fellow, who for the care of the Young may properly enough be styled their Sire; and the Sire of Cubs, as properly the Son of a Bear, and at this juncture of time, when his Bear's whelping may as well be termed her Midwife.  
(h) Green Bear] Green is a common Epithet for Females in the Straw.  
(i) Neat-heards, etc.] This alludes to a little piece of superstition which the Country people use, carefully attending their calving Cows, jest they should eat their after Burden, which they commonly throw upon a Hawthorn Bush, with steadfast belief that they shall have a Cow-calf the next year after.  
(k) Home] The same in Beasts, as the Secundine, or Skin that the young is Wrapped in.  
(l) Nomenclator] Or a Name-giver, the Nonconformist Tub-preacher, which is introduced to baptise the Cubs.  
(m) Bedminster] i.e. A place near Bristol, where there was a Hen brought forth a Cat; else they lie who made Affidavit of its truth before the Magistrate there.  
(n) Leaper-cleanser] A Medicinal Bath.  
oh Rhosnes-stream] The River that runs through the Lake of Lemane to Geneva, from whence flows that poisonous Spring of Presbyterianism.  
(p) Gossips] Fitchow Witnesses to Sedition are Knox and Buchannan, Scotch Rebels in Queen Elizabeth's days; Wat Tyler and Jack Straw, Rebels to King Richard the Second; Sir John Oldcastle, Rebel to King Henry the Fifth; Mayor Wier and Hexam late Rebels in Scotland, hanged at Edinburrough (for the murder of the Archbishop of S. Andrews) with many other such hypocritical Religionaries, or pretended Protestants of integrity, which they call Whigs amongst them.  
(q) Northern Bear] A celestial Constellation, in form of a Bear about the North Pole.  
(r) Jordan's Laver] The River Jordan is the common Appellative for any Stream, or Pond, where the Anabaptists dip their Proselytes.  
(s) Sectators] Apt Gossip's, or Witnesses, at such a Baptism were Tom Muncer and his Partner Phipher, with Nicholas Stock the first broachers of Anabaptism in Germany, about the Year 1525. Banished thence by Frederick Elector of Saxony, for their Rebellious Doctrines; afterwards they and their numerous party were routed by the Duke of Saxony, and the Landgrave, 5000 of them slain, and 300 taken Prisoners, and themselves Beheaded at Mulhuse; than Jack Becold, alias Jack of Leyden, a Tailor; Tuscoverer, a Goldsmith; and Knipperdolling, an inconsiderable Fellow, follows the steps of the abovesaid Rebels, and propagates their erroneous Principles in the City of Munster, about the Year 1533. where they increased to that Insolency, that Jack of Leyden, the Tailor, consecrates Tuscoverer, the Goldsmith, a Prophet; and in requital he crowns Jack of Leyden, the Tailor, King; by whose damnable and (for some time) successful practices the City of Munster was ruin'd.  
(t) Sheath-tayl] As a Scabbard to a Blade, or a Sheath to a Knife; so is the Tail of a Wasp to its Sting.  
(u) Antinomian] Or one that's against all Law.  
(w) Pinn, Wall] For Centre and Circumference, for as in a Cylinder, or long Figure, if a man was to express its Contents, he would naturally enough say, from the one end to the other; so in a walled City, which is supposed to be round, the Contents are expressible from the Centre to the Circumference, which Centre I call Pinn, and Circumference, Wall; for that I wanted two Monasyllables to make up my Verse. This I think is obvious enough, and had passed without a Comment, had not some ill minded men made another Interpretation, by way of Derision, to a Godly Presbyterian of that Name, one Thomas Wall (a Bookseller by Usurpation, tho' as much a Goldsmith as Tuscoverer the aforesaid Prophet, etc.) who was taken in a carnal manner upon one Pinn's Wife, a Carpenter in the Marsh belonging to that City, if you'll believe the Affidavit made before the Magistrates there; but the Poet clears himself you see of the allusion, and concludes this Scholion with the Motto borrowed from the Garter, viz. Honi soit qui male panse.  
(x) Brownist] A Sect taking its name from a silly Fellow whose Name was Brown, as some hold a Rigider sort of Independent, for whose Baptism the Tanfat is well enough a colour.  
(y) Adamite] A lascivious sort of Enthusiasts, that ran up and down Naked, pretending Antiquity for their Religion, which was before all clothes were invented, nay, prior to the Aprons made of Fig-leaves, which were the first Garments.  
(z) Chiliast] A Millenary or Fifth Monarchy man, that expects Christ shall come upon earth a thousand Years before the Resurrection.  
(&) Muckhiltonian] A sordid Sect, or Schism, lately reported in Ireland, by one Muckhilton, now in Newgate for his horrid Blasphemies.   

NOTES on the Third Canto.  
(a) Demas Bearward] Demas was an Apostate, which I here call the Bearward, because the Poet now makes him a Schoolmaster.  
(b) Pedant] Or Schoolmaster instructing the Rebellious body to get a head.  
(c) Drapery] A term amongst Lymners for the Garments or clothes they represent in painting.  
(d) Orbilius] Was so cursed and severe a Schoolmaster that Horace calls him Plagosus Orbilius.  
(e) Monarchy] Or Kingly Government.  
(f) Pride and Noll] They were but Brewers, before Rebellion raised one to be a Protector, and the other a Colonel: Desburrough also was than a Ploughman, Barkestead a Thimble-maker, and Hewson a Cobbler; afterwards made Lords by the same Rebellion.  
(g) Four in Decimals] That is, 40. and eight, 80. Here the Rebellious Orator exhorts his Cubs, à fortiori, showing them, that as inconsiderable Rascals as they are now in 1680. their Forefathers in Rebellion were in 1640. and hints it to them by way of shame, having Forty more Years experience, if they arrive not at the same Dignities.  
(h) Croisada] The Popes Bull for the Sign of the Cross to Christian's warring against Infidels.  
(i) Renegadoe] One that deserts his Colours, his Principles, and Religion for interest.  
(k) Wealth and Power] We have seen Magna Charta once run down, and Rhymed at in derision, by a potent Usurper, who arrived at that height of greatness, only by well managing such cursed Cubs as are described in this Poem.   
FINIS.