A LETTER FROM A Matron of Rank Quality IN WINDSOR, TO One of the same, IN DRURY-LANE.  
Madam,  
IN my last to you I gave you an account of the succession of our Affairs here, without omition; nor am I unsensible (however you please to think me) of your Qualification; that is, I know you so exact a Mistress of your affections, that you sleep not without counselling your Table-Book or Diary; this known to me, forces me to an ill opinion, and that a worse, which is, that either you have nothing worth communicating, or that you have forgot that knack of friendship and commerce which keeps the World in business; but I will not persist this way, the Town I hope will never want Community, though the Court be distant, and to suspect you were a sin that I shall never be guilty of. I have nothing that's new to send you, only some few Remarks of my own; Our Court is a continued Scene of joy and pleasure; not prescribed by time of day or night, for they are one, and are but used as other Masqueing Robes in the Great Balls; the Day in Grottoes, shady Springs and Bowers, they sit like Venus' Doves, Billing and Cooing; till envying Jove, who cannot court so well, though he should do it with a Golden Shower, talks loud, and with repeated Thunder frights the soft fair one closer to his arms; the trembling Prey, with Eyes half bend, and Heart and Breast all throbbing, looks in his face; the Youth, though no contemner of a Deity, offers protection, and yet closer, takes the Charmer.  
And whilst the Thunderer alarms all above,  
He storms below, and gets the Fort of Love.  
The night is another Act of the same Scene, yet no entire Broben Scene, as your Neighbour said his last Act was; not like that of Poet Bays, for this is all love and intriegue, without sleeping or frighting. Here might indeed be Usurping, but that here is more Colonies than Conquerors; but for Seranading, as Fiddling, Dancing, and fat Singing. Augustus' kept his Court in Greece Land in Winter time compared to us, yet with such Dicorum, that Guards nor no one is disturbed, no Bravades, no Marterers of Glass; none of those Copper-Captains here, Gold is thought too base, to take the Impression of the God of Love; so Hearts for Hearts exchange, and only leave the Guinney-Slaves in Hostage for the League they have concluded. Indeed Madam, I cannot give you the character of any one intrigue, and not lessen it; all things are managed to your advantage, that sure some God directs in each affair, only your Friend and mine, pretty Miss Lay-Cock, is almost dead of a Cold, occasioned (my Lord imagines) by her rising to hear and see the Serenaders; but she is mightily disturbed with it, her Shoulders, Arms, especially her Head and Throat, and what is most observable, when she is on a Bed, let my Lord do all he can, she does not sleep for pain; Album Greebium has been used, and the foot of her Stocking; but that is not the Remedy; you are desired by her to take the old Lodging for her and my Lord at Doctor R— in Long-Acre, the fine air and ill Wine has brought a flushing in my Lord's face, which she endeavouring to take off with a Mercurial Water, turns to a dry Scurf; Dear Madam, if your face burned last night you must pardon us, we were together a knot of excellent Company, and your name was not the least in use amongst us: Old Mr. T— came to see Madam F—, and brought along with him one Sir D—, a Gentleman of great Ignorance, yet very inquisitive, and as ceremonious as a French-Taylor, or a Country Dancing-Master, and so over-civil, that he would not put on his Hat till the Lady had drank her Glass off; Master T— partly tired with the formalities of the Esq and partly to leave him to the management of the Lady, pretends private business with me, and takes me into the next Room, from whence we had the conveniency both to see and hear what there was acted after a little pause, as playing with his Hat, looking at his Feet, and scratching his Head, he starts up, and boldly asked her what a Clock it was, and at the same time (because he would not take her word) pulled from his Pocket a Gold Watch, which she so prettily commended, that the Esq had sense enough (with a great sigh) to say, It was at her service; which she graciously accepted, and from her Arm took a Bracelet of Pomander and presented the Squire; See (said she) it is not in my nature to be ungrateful, nor in my power to show the bounty of it; so tying it on his Arm, offered to have kissed his Hand, which he prevented, falling on his knee; The Gods forbidden, said he, that the Son of a Dotrel by the Father, and Trebubble by the Mother, should permit such Worship; no, Madam, let me pay it here; So taking up the Martins-Lane, he Kissed and blushed, and blushed and kissed so hard, that had it been flesh and Blood, it might have Sworn a Rape against him. What else past that night I leave you to judge, but I think that she's a happy Woman that has a fine Estate and a Fool to manage, there's one provided for, which I am hearty glad of, though my care must be the greater: Heaven they say, provides for the Lame and the Lazy, but I am sure I might have starved but for my own Industry; but I know in case of necessity, she's more Genteele then to deny to see a Gentleman that's my Friend, however, our time here is very short, New-Market's coming on, I cannot help my Ambition, I must follow the Court, though I protest, a penny's better and easier got amongst the honest Citizens, with less noise, less care, and more security, nay, the the world is come to that pass, that if a Gentleman send his Footman with express command for such a Lady, the saucy Rascal will see all, examine their Linen, see their Breasts and Teeth, smell their Breathes; nay, some must know whether their Bellies are not wrinkled, and Page must be denied nothing, because Forsooth, a great Courtier has that privilege. Indeed Madam I am weary, and would leave it off, but that I am sure they would say I am grown Whiggish, therefore since I cannot leave it off with my Credit: Pray make it your business against the time, to provide what new Faces you can, and if you can, think of something, if possible, to outdo that Cutting at Newmarket; if there be a Penny to be got honestly, why not we? I have spoke to Mr. C— the Tarter, to help you with 20 of his Coulen de Feile, and pray deliver one to each of them, those that cannot Read may study the Posture, which if well done, will look better than a Feather you know where. Dear Madam, assist my poor Husband in what you can, I understand that a parcel of Hectoring Roisters, came at an unseasonable hour, when a woman could not be got for Love nor Money, and only because the house was unprovided at that time, broke my windows and his Pate, for pretending to keep a Bawdy-house and having never a whore in it; but I know not how this can be justified, they were not Ignorant where I was. But as to our business at Newmarket, now I think on't, 'tis Bartholomew-Fair time, and for those women I spoke of, you cannot furnish yourself better than out of the Bell-Conies, many of them Dance well, and have a pretty way of Singing, I know not whether they understand Catting or no, but if you do not provide for them they will go naked within this two months. Pardon me Madam, that I prescribe Rules to one so absolute, one that has Pit-B●xt and Gallared from your Infancy; one that knows more names than I do faces, but I presume because you can forgive, which is the best excuse at this time I can offer: This with the rest we must be sure to have, one strong Dockt Third Rate, one that has Courage, no matter for his Beauty and Crape, it's good enough; the Guard must be Courted sometimes a good Tossing beforehand; have a care of a Pin-Buttock, a Barbary never becomes a Portmantle for Coachmen, Grooms, Footmen, and Postilions, we'll fit ourselves at Sturbridge, but for the Servingmen, those Jucetoes of their Masters, those Autumn Butterflies with May-wings, Gentlemen of the Shedrew and Cravat-string, those and the Genteele Pages, will be content with nothing under a Sopp in the pan. Madam, I am sure the House that I have taken has conveniency enough for all these, and question not but with our endeavours, to make a better time on't then the last, New Faces will be the only thing: I protest, I was forced to pass one Woman by Three several names to one Man; this was a great deal of confidence, Madam, but I hope, so warned, you will provide better; you know who I have here, Drury-lane, Covent-Garden, and thereabouts will furnish a larger Seragalio than we shall need; and truly, it is nothing but conscience to employ them, poor Women! they have had a long Vacation. Pray Madam, let me have your answer by the next, and forget not the Rooms in Long-Acre, lest they be taken up, for such Colds are infectious, and few escape them; which will oblige to your service for ever,  
M. B.  
FINIS.   

Printed for J. Suitor, 1682.