THE SPANISH curate.  

Actus Primus.  

Scaena Prima.  Enter Angelo, Milanes, Arsenio. Arsenio. 
LEandro paid all.  Mil. 
'Tis his usual custom,  
And requisite he should: he has now put off  
The Funeral black, (your rich heirs wears with joy,  
When he pretends to weep for his dead Father,)  
Your gathering Sires, so long heap muck together,  
That their kind Sons, to rid them of their care  
Wish them in heaven; Or if they take a taste  
Of Purgatory by the way, it matters not:  
Provided they remove hence; What is befallen  
To his Father, in the other world, I ask not,  
I am sure his prayer is heard: would I could use one  
For mine, in the same method.  Arsen. 
Fie upon thee.  
This is profane,  Mil. 
Good Doctor, do not school me,  
For a fault you are not free from: On my life  
Were all Heirs in Corduba, put too their oaths  
They would confess with me, 'tis a sound Tenet:  
I am sure Leandro do't.  Ars. 
He is th'owner  
Of a fair Estate.  Mil. 
And fairly he deserves it,  
He's a royal Fellow: yet observes a mean  
In all his courses, careful to on whom  
He showers his bounties: he that's liberal  
To all alike, may do a Good by chance,  
But never out of Judgement! This invites  
The prime men of the City to frequent  
All places he resorts to, and are happy  
In his sweet Converse.  Ars. 
Don Jamie the Brother  
To the Grandee Don Henrique, appears much taken  
With his behaviour.  Mil. 
There is something more in't:  
He needs his Purse, and knows how to make use on't,  
'Tis now in fashion for your Don, that's poor,  
To vow all Leagues of friendship with a Merchant  
That can supply his wants, and howsoe'er  
Don Jamie's noble borne, his elder Brother  
Don Henrique rich and his Revenues long since  
Increasing by marrying with a wealthy Heir  
Called Madam Violante, he yet holds  
A hard hand o'er Jamie, allowing him  
A bare annuity only.  Ars. 
Yet 'tis said  
He hath no child, and by the Laws of Spain  
If he die without issue, Don jamie  
Inherits his Estate.  Mil. 
Why that's the reason  
Of their so many jars: Though the young Lord  
Be sick of the elder Brother, and in reason  
Should flatter, and observe him, he's of a nature  
Too bold and fierce, to stoop so, but bears up,  
Presuming on his hopes.  Ars. 
What's the young Lad  
That all of 'em make so much of?  Mil. 
'Tis a sweet-One,  
And the best conditioned youth, I ever saw yet,  
So humble and so affable, that he wins  
The love of all that know him, and so modest,  
That (in despite of poverty) he would starve  
Rather than ask a courtesy; He's the Son  
Of a poor cast-captain, one Octavio  
And She, that once was called th' fair jacinta,  
Is happy in being his Mother: for his sake.  Enter jamy, Leandro, and Ascanio. 
(Though in their Fortunes fall'n) they are esteemed of,  
And cherished by the best. O here they come,  
I now may spare his Character, but observe him,  
he'll justify my report.  Ia. 
My good Ascanio  
Repair more often to me: above Women  
Thou ever shalt be welcome.  Asc. 
My Lord your favours  
May quickly teach a raw untutored Youth  
To be both rude and saucy.  Leandro. 
You cannot be  
Too frequent where you are so much desired:  
And give me leave (dear friend) to be your Rival  
In part of his Affection; I will buy it  
At any rate.  Ia. 
Stood I but now possessed  
Of what my future hope presages to me,  
I then would make it clear thou hadst a Patron  
That would not say but do: yet as I am,  
Be mine, I'll not receive thee as a servant,  
But as my Son (and though I want myself)  
No Page attending in the Court of Spain  
Shall find a kinder master.  Ars. 
I beseech you  
That my refusal of so great an offer  
May make no ill construction, 'tis not pride  
(That common vice is far from my condition)  
That makes you a denial to receive  
A favour I should sue for: nor the fashion  
Which the country follows, in which to be a servant  
In those that groan beneath the heavy weight  
Of poverty is held an argument  
Of a base and abject mind, I wish my years  
Were fit to do you service in a nature  
That might become a Gentleman (give me leave  
To think myself one) My father served the King  
As a Captain in the field; and though his fortune  
Returned him home a poor man, he was rich  
In reputation, and wounds fairly taken.  
Nor am I by his ill success deterred,  
I rather feel a strong desire that sways me  
To follow his Profession, and if heaven  
Hath marked me out to be a man, how proud,  
In the service of my Country, should I be,  
To trail a pike under your brave command.  
There, I would follow you as a guide to honour,  
Though all the horrors of the War made up  
To stop my passage.  Ia. 
Thou art a hopeful Boy,  
And it was bravely spoken: For this answer,  
I love thee more than ever.  Mil. 
Pity such seeds  
Of promising courage should not grow and prosper  Aug. 
whatever his reputed Parents be,  
He hath a mind that speaks him right and noble.  Lea. 
You make him blush: it needs not sweet Ascanio,  
We may hear praises when they are deserved,  
Or modesty unwounded. By my life  
I would add something to the building up  
So fair a mind, and if till you are fit  
To bear Arms in the field, you'll spend some years  
In Salamanca, I'll supply your studies  
With all conveniences.  Ars. 
Your goodness (Signiors)  
And charitable favours overwhelm me.  
If I were of your blood, you could not be  
More tender of me: what then can I pay  
(A poor boy and a stranger) but a heart  
Bound to your service? with what willingness  
I would receive (good Sir) your noble offer,  
Heaven can bear witness for me: but alas  
Should I embrace the means to raise my fortunes,  
I must destroy the lives of my poor Parents  
(To whom I owe my being) they in me  
Place all their comforts, and (as if I were  
The light of their dim eyes) are so indulgent  
They cannot brook one short days' absence from me;  
And (what will hardly win belief) though young,  
I am their steward and their nurse: the bounties  
Which others bestow on me serves to sustain 'em,  
And to forsake them in their age, in me  
Were more than murder.  Enter Henrique. Ang. 
This is a kind of begging  
Would make a Broker charitable.  Mil. 
Here (sweet heart)  
I wish that it were more.  Lean. 
When this is spent,  
Seek for supply from me  Ja. 
Thy piety  
For ever be remembered: nay take all,  
Though 't were my exhibition to a Royal  
For one whole year.  Asc. 
High heavens reward your goodness.  Hen. 
So Sir, is this a slip of your own grafting,  
You are so prodigal?  Ia. 
A slip Sir?  Hen. 
Yes,  
A slip; or call it by the proper name  
Your Bastard.  Ia. 
You are foul-mouthed; do not provoke me,  
I shall forget your Birth, if you proceed,  
And use you, (as your manners do deserve) uncivilly.  Hen. 
So brave? pray you give me hearing,  
Who am I Sir?  Ia. 
My elder Brother: One  
That might have been born a fool and so reputed,  
But that you had the luck to creep into  
The world a year before me.  Lean. 
Be more temperate.  Ia. 
I neither can nor will, unless I learn it  
By this example: let him use his harsh  
Unsavoury reprehensions upon those  
That are his hinds, and not on me. The Land  
Our father left to him alone rewards him,  
For being twelve months elder, let that be  
Forgotten, and let his Parasites remember  
One quality of worth or virtue in him  
That may authorise him, to be a censurer  
Of me, or of my manners, and I will  
Acknowledge him for a tutor, till then, never  Hen. 
From whom have you your means Sir?  Ia. 
From the will  
Of my dead father; I am sure I spend not  
Nor give't upon your purse.  Hen. 
But will it hold out  
Without my help?  Ja. 
I am sure it shall I'll sink else  
For sooner I will seek aid from a whore,  
Than a courtesy from you.  Hen. 
'Tis well; you are proud of  
Your new Exchequer when you have cheated him  
And worn him to the quick, I may be found  
In the List of your acquaintance'  Lea. 
Pray you hold  
And give me leave (my Lord) to say thus much  
(And in mine own defence) I am no Gull  
To be wrought on by persuasion: nor no Coward  
To be beaten out of my means, but know to whom  
And why I give or lend, and will do nothing  
But what my reason warrants; you may be  
As sparing as you please, I must be bold  
To make use of mine own, without your licence.  Ia. 
Pray thee let him alone, he is not worth thy anger  
All that he does (Leandro) is for my good,  
I think there's not a Gentleman of Spain,  
That has a better steward, than I have of him.  Hen. 
Your steward Sir?  Ja. 
Yes, and a provident one:  
Why, he knows I am given to large Expense,  
And therefore lays up for me: could you believe else  
That he, that sixteen years hath worn the yoke  
Of barren wedlock, without hope of issue.  
(His Coffer's full, his Lands, and Vineyards fruitful)  
Could be so sold to base, and sordid thrift,  
As almost to deny himself, the means  
And necessaries of life? Alas, he knows  
The Laws of Spain appoint me for his heir,  
That all must come to me, if I outlive him,  
(Which sure I must do, by the course of Nature,)  
And the assistance of good Mirth, and Seck,  
however you prove Melancholy.  Hen. 
If I live,  
Thou dearly shalt repent this,  Ja. 
When thou art dead,  
I am sure I shall not.  Mil. 
Now they begin to burn  
Like opposed Meteors.  Ars. 
Give them line, and way,  
My life for Don Jamie.  Ja. 
Continue still  
The excellent Husband, and join Farm to Farm,  
Suffer no Lordship, that in a clear day  
Falls in the prospect of your covetous eye  
To be another's; Forget you are a Grandee  
Take use upon use, and cut the throats of heirs  
With cozening Mortgages: rack your poor Tenants,  
Till they look like so many Skeletons  
For want of Food; And when that Widows curses,  
The ruins of ancient Families, tears of Orphans  
Have hurried you to the devil, ever remember  
All was raked up, for me, (your thankful Brother)  
That will dance merrily upon your Grave,  
And perhaps give a double Pistolet  
To some poor needy Friar, to say a Mass  
To keep your Ghost from walking.  Hen. 
That the Law  
Should force me to endure this!  Ia. 
Verily,  
When this shall come to pass (as sure it will)  
If you can find a loophole, though in hell'  
To look on my behaviour, you shall see me  
Ransack your Iron Chests, and once again  
Pluto's flame-coloured Daughter shall be free  
To domineer in Taverns, Masks, and Revels  
As she was used, before she was your Captive.  
methinks the mere conceit of it, should make you  
Go home sick and distempered if it does.  
I'll send you a Doctor of mine own, and after  
Take order for your Funeral.  Hen. 
You have said, sir,  
I will not fight with words, but deeds to tame you,  
Rest confident I will and thou shalt wish  
This day thou hadst been dumb.— Exit.  Mil. 
You have given him a heat.  
But with your own distemper.  Ia. 
Not a whit  
Now he is from mine eye, I can be merry,  
Forget the cause, and him: all plagues go with him,  
Let's talk of something else: what news is stirring?  
Nothing to pass the time?  Mil. 
'Faith it is said  
That the next Summer will determine much  
Of that we long have talked of, touching the Wars.  Lea. 
What have we to do with them? Let us discourse  
Of what concerns ourselves. 'Tis now in fashion  
To have you Gallants set down, in a Tavern,  
What the Archduke's purpose is the next spring & what  
Defence my Lords (the States) prepare: what course  
The Emperor takes against the encroaching Turk,  
And whither his Moony-Standards are designed  
For Persia or Polonia: and all this  
The wiser sort of state-worms seem to know  
Better than their own Affairs: this is discourse  
Fit for the Counsel it concerns; we are young,  
And if that I might give the Theme, 'twere better  
To talk of handsome women.  Mil. 
And that's one,  
Almost as general.  Ars. 
Yet none agree  
Who are the fairest.  Lea. 
Some prefer the French,  
For their conceited Dressings: some the plump  
Italian Bona-Robas some the State  
That ours observe; and I have heard one swear,  
(A merry friend of mine) that once in London,  
He did enjoy the company of a Gamester,  
(A common Gamester too) that in one night  
Met him th'Italian, French, and Spanish ways,  
And ended in the Dutch; for, to cool herself,  
She kissed him drunk in the morning.  Ia. 
we may spare  
The travel of our tongues in foreign Nations,  
When in Corduba, if you dare give credit  
To my report (for I have seen her, Gallants)  
There lives a woman) of a mean birth too,  
And meanly matched) whose all-excelling Form  
Disdains comparison with any She  
That puts in for a fair one, and though you borrow  
From every Country of the Earth the best  
Of those perfections, which the climate yields  
To help to make her up, if put in Balance,  
This will weigh-downe the Scale.  Lea. 
You talk of wonders.  Ia. 
She is indeed a wonder, and so kept,  
And, as the world deserved not to behold  
What curious Nature made without a pattern,  
Whose Copy she hath lost too, she's shut up,  
Sequestered from the world.  Lea. 
Who is the owner  
Of such a gem? I am fired.  Ia. 
One Bartolus,  
A wrangling Advocate.  Ars. 
A knave on Record.  Mil. 
I am sure he cheated me of the best part  
Of my Estate.  Ia. 
Some Business calls me hence,  
(And of importance) which denies me leisure  
To give you his full character: In few words  
(Though rich) he's covetous beyond expression,  
And to increase his heap, will dare the Devil,  
And all the plagues of darkness: and to these  
So jealous, as if you would parallel  
Old Argus to him, you must multiply  
His Eyes an hundred times: of these, none sleep.  
He that would charm the heaviest lid, must hire  
A better mercury, than jove made use of:  
Bless yourselves from the thought of him and her  
For 'twill be labour lost: So farewell Signiors.— Exit.  Ars. 
Leandro? in a dream? wake man for shame.  Mil. 
Trained into a fool's paradise with a tale  
Of an imagined Form,  Lea. 
jamie is noble,  
And with a forged Tale would not wrong his Friend,  
Nor am I so much fired with lust as Envy,  
That such a churl as Bartolus should reap  
So sweet a harvest, half my State to any  
To help me to a share.  Ars. 
Tush do not hope for  
Impossibilities,  Lea. 
I must enjoy her,  
And my prophetic love tells me I shall,  
Lend me but your assistance;  Ars. 
Give it o'er,  Mil. 
I would not have thee fooled  Lea. 
I have strange Engines,  
Fashioning here: and Bartolus on the Anvil  
Dissuade me not, but help me,  Mil. 
Take your fortune,  
If you come off well; praise your wit, if not,  
Expect to be the subject of our Laughter. Exeunt.   

Scaena Secunda.  Enter Octavio, and jacinta. Iac. 
You met Don Henrique.  Oct. 
Yes:  Iac. 
What comfort bring you?  
Speak cheerfully: how did my Letter work?  
On his hard temper? I am sure I wrote it,  
So feelingly, and with the pen of sorrow,  
That it must force Compunction,  Oct. 
You are cozened;  
Can you with one hand prop a falling Tower?  
Or with the other stop the raging main,  
When it breaks in on the usurped Shore?  
Or any thing that is impossible?  
And then conclude that there is some way left,  
To move him to compassion.  Iac. 
Is there a Justice  
Or thunder (my Octavio) and he  
Not sunk unto the centre?  Oct. 
Good jacinta.  
With your long practised patience bear afflictions,  
And by provoking it call not on heaven's anger,  
He did not only scorn to read your Letter,  
But (most inhuman as he is) he cursed you,  
Cursed you most bitterly,  Iac. 
The bad man's charity,  
Oh that I could forget there were a tie,  
In me, upon him! or the relief I seek,  
(If given) were bounty in him, and not debt,  
Debt of a dear account!  Oct. 
Touch not that string,  
'twill but increase our Sorrow, and tame silence,  
(The Balm of the oppressed) which hitherto  
Hath eased your grieved soul, and preserved your fame,  
Must be your Surgeon still.  Iac. 
If the contagion  
Of my misfortunes had not spread itself,  
Upon my Son Ascanio, though my wants  
Were centuplied upon my self, I could be patient:  
But he is so good, I so miserable,  
His pious care his duty, and obedience,  
And all that can be wished for from a Son,  
Discharged to me, and I, bard of all means,  
To return any scruple of the debt  
I owe him as a Mother, is a Torment,  
Too painful to be borne.  Oct. 
I suffer with you,  
In that; yet find in this assurance comfort,  
High heaven ordains (whose purposes cannot alter)  Enter Ascanio. 
Children that pay obedience to their Parents,  
Shall never beg their Bread.  Iac. 
Here comes our joy,  
Where has my dearest been?  Asc. 
I have made (Mother)  
A fortunate voyage and brought home rich prize,  
In a few hours: the owners too contented,  
From whom I took it. See here's Gold, good store too  
Nay pray you take it,  Iac. 
men's Charities are so cold,  
That if I knew not, thou wert made of Goodness,  
'Twould breed a jealousy in me by what means,  
Thou cam'st by such a sum  Asc. 
Were it ill got,  
I am sure it could not be employed so well,  
As to relieve your wants. Some noble Friends,  
(Raised by heaven's mercy to me, not my merits)  
Bestowed it on me.  Oct. 
It were a sacrilege  
To rob thee of their bounty, since they gave it,  
To thy use only;  Iac. 
Buy thee brave Clothes with it  
And fit thee for a fortune, and leave us,  
To our necessities; why dost thou weep?  Asc. 
Out of my fear, I have offended you;  
For had I not, I am sure you are too kind,  
Not to accept the offer of my service,  
In which I am a gainer; I have heard  
My tutor say of all a aerial foul  
The stork's the Emblem of true piety,  
Because when age hath seized upon her dam,  
And made unfit for flight, the grateful young one  
Takes her upon his back, provides her food,  
Repaying so, her tender care of him,  
'Ere he was fit to fly, by bearing her:  
Shall I then that have reason, and discourse  
That tell me all I can do is too little,  
Be more unnatural than a silly Bird?  
Or feed or clothe myself superfluously,  
And know, nay see you want? holy Saints keep me.  Iac. 
Can I be wretched,  
And know myself the Mother to such Goodness?  Oct. 
Come, let us dry our eyes, we'll have a Feast,  
Thanks to our little Steward;  Iac. 
And in him,  
Believe that we are rich.  Asc. 
I am sure I am,  
While I have power to comfort you, and serve you.  Exeunt.  

Scaena Tertia.  Enter Henrique and Violante. Viol. 
Is it my fault (Don Henrique) or my fate,  
what's my offence? I came young to your Bed  
I had a fruitful Mother and you met me,  
With equal ardour in your May of blood;  
And why then am I barren?  Hen. 
'Tis not in Man  
To yield a reason for the will of Heaven,  
Which is inscrutable.  Viol. 
To what use serve  
Full fortunes, and the meaner sort of Blessings,  
When that, which is the Crown of all our wishes,  
The period of humane happiness,  
One only Child that may possess what's ours,  
Is cruelly denied us?  Hen. 
'Tis the curse,  
Of great Estates to want those Pledges which,  
The poor are happy in: They in a Cottage,  
With joy, behold the Models of their youth,  
And as their Root decays those budding Branches,  
Sprout forth and flourish, to renew their age;  
But this is the beginning, not the end  
To me, of, that misery against my will,  
(Since Heaven denies us Issue of our own)  
Must leave the fruit of all my care and travel  
To an unthankful Brother that insults,  
On my Calamity.  Viol. 
I will rather choose,  
A Bastard from the Hospital and adopt him,  
And nourish him, as mine own.  Hen. 
Such an evasion  
(My Violante) is forbid to us;  
Happy the Roman State, where it was lawful,  
(If our own Sons were vicious) to choose one  
Out of a virtuous Stock, though of poor Parents,  
And make him noble. But the Laws of Spain,  
(Intending to preserve all ancient Houses)  
Prevent such free elections; with this my Brothers  
Too well acquainted, and this makes him bold to  
Reign o'er me, as a Master,  Viol. 
I will fire  
The Portion I brought with me, 'ere he spend,  
A Royal of it: No Quirk left? no Quiddit  
That may defeat him?  Hen. 
Were I but confirmed,  
That you would take the means I use, with patience,  
As I must practise it with my dishonour,  
I could lay level with the earth his hopes  
That soar above the clouds with expectation  
To see me to my grave.  Viol. 
Effect but this  
And our revenge shall be to us a Son  
That shall inherit for us.  Hen. 
Do not repent  
When 'tis too late.  Viol. 
I fear not what may fall  
He dispossessed that does usurp on all Exeunt.    

Actus Secundus,  

Scena prima  Enter Leandro (with a letter writ out) Milanes & Asermo Mil. 
Can any thing, but wonder?  Lean. 
Wonder on,  
I am as ye see, and what will follow Gentlemen  Ars. 
Why dost thou put on this form? what can this do?  
Thou lookest most sillily,  Mil. 
Like a young Clerk  
A half pin'd-puppy that would write for a Royal.  
Is this a commanding shape to win a Beauty?  
To what use, what occasion?  Lean. 
Peace ye are fools,  
More silly than my outside seems ye are ignorant  
They that pretend to wonders must weave cunningly.  Ars. 
What manner of access can this get? or if gotten  
What credit in her eyes?  Lean. 
Will ye but leave me?  Mil. 
methinks a young man and a handsome Gentleman  
(But sure thou art lunatic) methinks a brave man  
That would catch cunningly the beams of Beauty,  
And so distribute 'em, unto his comfort,  
Should like himself appear young, high, and buxom.  
And in the brightest form.  Lean. 
Ye are cozened (Gentlemen)  
Neither do I believe this, nor will follow it,  
Thus I am, I will begin my voyage,  
When you love, launch it out in silks and velvets,  
I le love in Serge, and will outgo our Satins  
To get upon my great horse and appear.  
The sign of such a man, and trot my measures,  
Or fiddle out whole frosty nights (my friends)  
Under the window, while my teeth keep tune,  
I hold no handsomeness. Let me get in  
There trot and fiddle where I may have fair play,  Ars. 
But how get in?  Lean. 
Leave that to me, your patience,  
I have some toys here that I dare well trust to:  
I have smelled a Vicar out, the call him Lopez.  
You are ne'er the nearer now,  Mil. 
We do confess it.  Lean. 
Weak simple men, this Vicar to this Lawyer  
Is the most inward, Damon.  Ars. 
What can this do?  Mil. 
We know the fellow, and he dwells there.  Lean. 
So.  Ars. 
A poor, thin thief: he help? he; hang the Vicar  
Can reading of an— prefer thee?  Lean. 
Thou art dead-sick in love, and he'll pray for thee  
Have patience (Gentlemen) I say this Vicar,  
This thing I say is all one with the Close Bartolus  
(For so they call the Lawyer) or his nature  
Which I have studied by relation;  
And make no doubt I shall hit handsomely,  
Will I work cunningly and home: understand me.  Enter Lopez and Diego. 
Next I pray leave me, Leave me to my fortune  
Difficilia pulchra, that's my Motto (Gentlemen)  
I'll win this Diamond from the rock and wear her  
Or—  Mil. 
Peace, the Vicar: send ye a full sail, Sir.  Ars. 
There's your Confessor, but what shall be your penance? exit lea.  
A fool's head if I fail and so forsake me.  
You shall hear from me daily.  Mil. 
We will be ready,  Lop. 
Thin world indeed:  Lean. 
I'll let him breathe and mark him:  
No man would think a stranger as I am  
Should reap any great commodity from his pigbelly,  Lop. 
Poor stirring for poor Vicars,  
Diego And poor Sextons.  Lop. 
We pray and pray, but to no purpose  
Those that enjoy our Lands, choke our Devotions.  
Our poor thin stipends make us arrant dunces,  Diego 
If you live miserably, how shall we do (Master?)  
That are fed only with the sound of prayers?  
We rise and ring the Bells to get good stomachs.  
And must be fain to eat the ropes with reverence,  Lop. 
When was there a Christening (Diego?)  Dieg. 
Not this ten weeks:  
Alas, they have forgot to get children (Master)  
The Wars, the Seas, and usury undo us,  
Takes off our minds, our edges, blunts our ploughshares,  
They eat nothing here, but herbs, & get nothing but green sauce:  
There are some poor Labourers, that perhaps  
Once in seven year, with helping one another,  
Produce some few pinned— Butter— prints, that scarce hold  
The christening neither.  Lop. 
Your Gallants, they get Honour,  
A strange fantastical Birth, to defraud the Vicar,  
And the Camp Christens their Issues, or the Courtesans,  
'Tis a lewd time.  Die. 
They are so hard-hearted here too,  
They will not die, there's nothing got by Burials.  Lop. 
Diego, the air's too pure, they cannot perish:  
To have a thin Stipend, and an everlasting Parish,  
Lord what a torment 'tis!  Die. 
Good sensible Master,  
You are allowed to pray against all weathers,  
(Both foul, and fair, as you shall find occasion)  
Why not against all airs?  Lop. 
That's not i'th' Canons,  
I would it had, 'tis out of our way forty pence.  Di. 
'Tis strange, they are starved too yet they will not die here,  
They will not Earth: a good stout plague amongst 'em,  
Or half a dozen new fantastical Fevers  
That would turn up their heels by wholesale (Master)  
And take the Doctors too, in their grave Counsels,  
That there might be no natural help for money;  
How merrily would my Bells go then?  Lop. 
Peace Diego  
The Doctors are our friends, let's please them well,  
For though they kill but slow, they are certain (Diego)  
We must remove into a muddy Air,  
A most contagious climate.  Die. 
We must certain,  
An air that is the nursery of Agues,  
Such Agues (Master) that will shake men's souls out,  
ne'er stay for Possets, nor good old wives plasters.  Lop. 
gouts and dead Palsies.  Die. 
The dead does well at all times,  
Yet gouts will hang an arse a long time (Master)  
The Pox, or English Surfeits if we had 'em;  
Those are nich marl, they make a Churchyard fat,  
And make the Sexton sing, they never miss, Sir.  Lop. 
Then Wills and Funeral Sermons come in season,  
And Feasts that makes us frolic.  Die. 
Would I could see 'em.  Lop. 
And though I weep i'th' Pulpit for my Brother,  
Yet (Diego) here I laugh.  Di. 
The cause requires it.  Lop. 
Since people left to die I am dunce (Diego.)  Die. 
'Tis a strange thing, I have forgot to dig too.  Lea. 
A precious pair of youths; I must make toward 'em  Lop. 
Who's that? look out it seems he would speak to us.  
I hope a Marriage, or some Will to make (Diego.)  Dieg. 
My friend your business?  Lea. 
'Tis to that grave Gentleman;  
Bless your good learning (Sir)  Lop. 
And bless you also,  
He bears a promising face, there's some hope toward.  Lea. 
I have a Letter to your worship.  Lop. 
Well Sir,  
From whence I pray you?  Lea. 
From Nova Hispania, Sir,  
And from an ancient friend of yours.  Lop. 
'Tis well (Sir)  
'Tis very well: the devil alone I know there.  Die. 
Take heed of a Snap (Sir) has a cozening countenance,  
I do not like his way.  Lop. 
Let him go forward.  
Cantabit Vacuus, They that have nothing, fear nothing,  
All I have to lose (Diego) is my learning,  
And when he has gotten that, he may put it in a Nut shell,  Letter Read. 
SIgnior Lopez, Since my arrival from Cordova to these parts I have written divers Letters unto you but as yet received no Answer of any (Good, and very good) And although so great a forgetfulness might cause a want in my due correspondence yet the desire I have still to serve you must more prevail with me (Better and better: the devil a man know I yet) and therefore with the present occasion offered I am willing to crave a continuance of the favours, which I have heretofore received from you and do recommend my Son Leandro the Bearer to you with request that he may be admitted in that University till such time as I shall arrive at home; his studies he will make you acquainted withal: This kindness shall supply the want of your slackness: And so heaven keep you.  
Yours Alonzo Tiveria.  
Alonzo Tiveria very well,  
A very ancient friend of mine, I take it,  
For till this hour I never heard his Name, yet.  Lea. 
You look (Sir) as if ye had forgot my Father.  Lop. 
No, no, I look as I would remember him,  
For that I never remembered, I cannot forget (Sir)  
Alonzo Tiveria.  Lea. 
The same (Sir.)  Lop. 
And now i'th' Indies?  Lea. 
Yes.  Lop. 
He may be anywhere,  
For aught that I consider.  Lea. 
Think again (Sir)  
You were Students both at one time in Salamanca,  
And, as I take it, Chamber-fellows.  Lop. 
Ha?  Lea. 
Nay, sure you must remember.  Lop. 
Would I could.  Lea. 
I have heard him say, you were Gossips too.  Lop. 
Very likely,  
You did not hear him say, to whom? for we Students  
May oftentimes overreach our memories,  
Dost thou remember (Diego) this same signior?  
Thou hast been mine these twenty years.  Di. 
Remember?  
Why this Fellow would make ye mad: Nova Hispania?  
And signior Tiveria? what are these?  
He may as well name ye Friends out of Cataya  
Take heed I beseech our worship: do you hear, (my friend?)  
You have no Letters for me?  Lea. 
Not any Letter,  
But I was charged to do my Father's love  
To the old honest Sexton Diego; are you he (Sir?)  Di. 
Ha? have I friends, and know'em not? my name is Diego,  
But if either I remember you, or your Father,  
Or Nova Hispania (I was never there Sir)  
Or any kindred that you have— for heaven-sake, Master,  
Let's cast about a little, and consider,  
We may dream out our time.  Lea. 
It seems I am deceived (Sir)  
Yet, that you are Don Lopez all men tell me,  
The Curate here, and have been some time (sir)  
And you the Sexton Diego, such I am sent too,  
The Letter tells as much: may be they are dead,  
And you of the like names succeed: I thank ye gentlemen,  
Ye have done honestly, in telling truth,  
I might have been forward else. For that Lopez  
That was my Father's friend, I had a charge,  
(A charge of Money) to deliver (Gentlemen)  
Five hundred Ducats, a poor small gratuity,  
But since you are not he, good sir, let me think,  
I pray ye be patient.  Lop. 
Pray ye stay a little,  
Nay, let me remember, I beseech ye stay, Sir.  Die. 
An honest noble friend, that sends so lovingly;  
An old friend too; I shall remember sure, Sir.  Lop. 
Thou sayst true Diego.  Di. 
Pray ye consider quickly,  
Do, do, by any means, methinks already  
A grave staid gentleman comes to my memory.  Lea. 
He's old indeed, sir.  Di. 
With a goodly white Beard,  
(For now he must be so: I know he must be)  
Signior Alonzo, (Master.)  Lop. 
I begin to have him.  Di. 
'Has been from hence, about some twenty years (sir.)  Lea. 
Some five and twenty (sir.)  Di. 
You say most true (sir)  
Just to an hour; 'tis now just five and twenty,  
A fine strait timbered man, and a brave soldier,  
He married: let me see,—  Lea. 
De Castro's Daughter.  Di. 
The very same.  Lea. 
Thou art a very Rascal,  
De Castro is the Turk to thee, or any thing:  
The Money rubs 'em into strange remembrances,  
For as many Ducats more they would remember Adam.  Lop. 
Give me your hand, you are welcome to your country,  
Now I remember plainly, manifestly,  
As freshly, as if yesterday I had seen him,  
Most heartily welcome, sinful that I am,  
Most sinful man, why should I lose this Gentleman?  
This loving old Companion? we had all one soul, sir,  
He dwelled here hard by, at a handsome—  Lea. 
farm sir,  
You say most true.  Lop. 
Alonzo Tiveria;  
Lord, Lord, that time should play the treacherous knave thus?  
Why, he was the only friend, I had in Spain (sir)  
I knew your Mother too, a handsome Gentlewoman,  
She was married very young: I married 'em:  
I do remember now the Masks and Sports then,  
The Fireworks, and the fine delights; good faith, sir,  
Now I look in your face, whose eyes are those Diego?  
Nay, if he be not just Alonzo's picture—  Lea. 
Lord how I blush for these two impudents?  Di. 
Well Gentleman, I think your name's Leandro;  Lea. 
It is indeed (sir)  
Gra'-mercy Letter, thou hadst never known else.  Di. 
I have dandled ye, and kissed ye and played with ye  
A hundred, and a hundred times, and danced ye,  
And swung ye in my Bell-ropes, ye loved swinging.  Lop. 
A sweet Boy.  Lea. 
Sweet lying knaves.  
What would these do for thousands?  Lop. 
A wondrous sweet Boy than it was, see now  
Time that consumes us, shoots him up still sweeter.  
How does the noble Gentleman? how fares he?  
When shall we see him? when will he bless his Country?  Lea. 
O, very shortly, sir, till his return,  
He has sent me over to your charge.  Lop. 
And welcome,  
Nay, you shall know you are welcome to your friend, sir,  Lea. 
And to my Study (sir) which must be the Law,  
To further which, he would entreat your care  
To plant me in the favour of some man  
That's expert in that knowledge: for his pains  
I have three hundred Ducats more: For my Diet,  
Enough (sir) to defray me: which I am charged  
To take still, as I use it, from your custody,  
I have the money ready, and I am weary.  Lop. 
Sit down, sit down, and once more ye are most welcome,  
The Law you have hit upon most happily,  
Here is a Master in that Art, Bartolus,  
A neighbour by, to him I will prefer ye,  
A learned man, and my most loving Neighbour,  
I'll do ye faithful service (sir.)  Di. 
He's an Ass,  
And so we'll use him; he shall be a Lawyer.  Lo. 
But if ever he recover this money again: before Diego.  
And get some pretty pittance: my pupil's hungry.  Lea. 
Pray ye Sir, unlade me.  Lop. 
I'll refresh ye Sir;  
When ye want, you know your Exchequer.  Lea. 
If all this get me but access, I am happy.  Lop. 
Come, I am tender of ye,  Lea. 
I'll go with ye,  
To have this Fort betrayed these fools must fleece me.  Exeunt.  

Scaena Secunda.  Enter Bartolus, and Amaranta. Bar. 
My Amaranta, a retired sweet life,  
Private and close, and still, and housewifely.  
Becomes a Wife, sets off the grace of woman  
At home to be believed both young, and handsome,  
As Lilies that are cased in crystal Glasses,  
Makes up the wonder: show it abroad, 'tis stale,  
And still and the more eyes cheapen it, 'tis more slubbered,  
And what need windows open to inviting?  
Or evening terraces, to take opinions?  
When the most wholesome Air (my wife) blows inward,  
When good thoughts are the noblest Companions,  
And old chaste stories (wife) the best discourses;  
But why do I talk thus, that know thy nature?  Ama. 
You know your own disease: distrust, & jealousies,  
And those two, give these Lessons, not good meaning,  
What trial is there of my honesty,  
When I am mewed at home? to what end, Husband,  
Serves all the virtuous thoughts, and chaste behaviours  
Without their uses? Then they are known most excellent  
When, by their contraries the are set off, and burnished,  
If ye both hold me fair, and chaste, and virtuous,  
Let me go fearless out, and win that greatness;  
These Seeds grow not to Shades, and concealed places  
Set 'em i'th' heat of all, than they rise glorious.  Bar. 
Peace, ye are too soude.  Ama. 
You are too covetous,  
If that be ranked a virtue, you have a rich one,  
Set me (like other lawyer's wives) off handsomely,  
Attended as I ought, and as they have it,  
My Coach, my people, and my handsome women,  
My will, in honest things.  Bar. 
Peace Amaranta:  Ama. 
They have content, rich clothes, and that secures 'em,  
Binds, to their careful Husbands, their observance,  
They are merry, ride abroad, meet, laugh,  Bar. 
Thou shalt too:  Ama. 
And freely may converse with proper Gentlemen,  
Suffer temptations daily to their honour.  Enter woman-moor. Bar. 
You are now too far again: thou shalt have any thing,  
Let me but lay up for a handsome Office,  
And then my Amaranta—  Ama. 
Here's a thing now,  
Ye place as pleasure to me: all my retinue,  
My Chambermaid, my Kitchenmaid, my friend,  
And what she fails in, I must do myself.  
A soil to set my Beauty off, I thank ye,  
You will place the Devil next for a Companion,  Bar. 
No more such words (good wife)  
What would you have (Maid?)  Moor. 
Master Curate, and the Sexton, & a stranger (sir)  
Attend to speak with your worship.  Bar. 
A stranger?  Ama. 
You had best to be jealous of the man you know not.  Bar. 
Pray thee no more of that.  Ama. 
Pray ye go out to 'em,  
That will be safest for ye, I am well here,  
I only love your peace, and serve like a slave for it.  Bar. 
No, no, thou shalt not; 'tis some honest Client,  
Rich, and litigious, the Curate has brought to me,  
Prithee go in (my Duck) I'll but speak to 'em,  
And return instantly.  Ama. 
I am commanded,  
One day you will know my sufferance.— Exit.  Bar. 
And reward it.  
So, so, fast bind, fast find; Come in my Neighbours,  
My loving Neighbours pray ye come in, ye are welcome,  Enter Lopez Leandro, and Diego. Lop. 
Bless your good reverence.  Bar. 
Good-day, good Master Curate,  
And neighbour Diego, welcome: what's your business?  
And pray ye be short (good friends) the time is precious,  
Welcome, good sir.  Lop. 
To be short then with your Mastership.  
(For I know your several hours, are full of business)  
We have brought ye this young man, of honest parents,  
And of an honest face.  Bar. 
It seems so (Neighbours)  
But to what end?  Lop. 
To be your Pupil (Sir)  
Your Servant, if you please.  Lea. 
I have traveled far, sir.  
To seek a worthy man,  Bar. 
Alas, good Gentleman,  
I am a poor man, and a private too,  
Unfit to keep a Servant of your Reckoning;  
My house a little Cottage, and scarce able  
To hold myself, and those poor few live under it;  
Besides, you must not blame me Gentleman,  
If I were able to receive a Servant,  
To be a little scrupulous of his dealing  
For in these times—  Lop. 
Pray let me answer that (sir)  
Here is five hundred Ducats, to secure him,  
He cannot want (sir) to make good his credit,  
Good gold, and coin.  Bar. 
And that's an honest pledge;  
Yet sure, that needs not, for his face, and carriage,  
Seem to declare an inbred honesty,  Lea. 
And for I have a ripe mind to the Law (sir)  
(In which I understand you live a Master)  
The least poor corner in your house, poor Bed (sir)  
(Let me not seem intruding to your Worship)  
With some Books to instruct me, and your Counsel,  
Shall I rest most content with: other Acquaintance  
Than your grave presence, and the grounds of Law  
I dare not covet, nor I will not seek (sir)  
For surely mine own nature desires privacy.  
Next, for your monthly pains (to show my thanks,)  
I do proportion out some twenty Ducats;  
As I grow riper, more: three hundred now (sir)  
To show my love to learning, and my Master,  
My diet, I'll defray too, without trouble.  Lop. 
Note but his mind to learning.  Bar. 
I do strangely, yes, and I like it too, thanks to his money.  Di. 
Would he would live with me, and learn to dig too.  Lop. 
A wondrous modest man (sir.)  Bar. 
So it seems,  
His dear love to his Study must be nourished  
Neighbour, he's like to prove.  Lop. 
With your good counsel,  
And with your diligence, as you will ply him;  
His Parents, when they know your care—  Bar. 
Come hither;  Die. 
An honester young man, your worship ne'er kept,  
But he is so bashful—  Bar. 
O I like him better,  
Say I should undertake ee, which indeed (sir)  
Will be no little straightness to my living,  
Considering my Affairs, and my small house (sir)  
For I see some promises that pull me to ye;  
Could you content yourself, at first thus meanly,  
To lie hard, in an out— part of my house (sir?)  
For I have not many Lodgings to allow ye;  
And study should be still remote from company;  
A little fire sometimes too, to refresh ye;  
A Student must be frugal: sometimes Lights too,  
According to your labour.  Lea. 
Any thing (sir)  
That's dry, and wholesome: I am no bred-wanton.  Bar. 
Then I receive you: but I must desire ye  
To keep within your confines.  Lea. 
Ever sir,  
There's the Gold, and ever be your servant,  
Take it and give me Books: may I but prove (sir)  
According to my wish, and these shall multiply.  Lop. 
Do, study hard, pray ye take him in, and settle him,  
He's only fit for you; Show him his Cell (sir.)  Di. 
Take a good heart; and when ye are a cunning Lawyer,  
I'll sell my Bells and you shall prove it lawful,  Ba. 
Come, sir, with me: neighbours I thank your diligence.  Lop. 
I'll come sometimes, and crack a case with ye.  Bar. 
Welcome— Exit.  Lop. 
Here's money got with ease: here, spend that jovially,  
And pray for the Fool, the Founder.  Die. 
Many more Fools  
I heartily pray may follow his example,  
Lawyers, or Lubbers, or of what condition,  
And many such sweet friends in Nova Hispania.  Lop. 
It will do well; Let 'em but send their moneys,  
Come from what quarter of the world, I care not,  
I'll know 'em instantly; nay I'll be a kin to 'em;  
I cannot miss a man, that sends me money:  
Let him Law there, long as his Ducats last, Boy,  
I'll grace him, and prefer him.  Die. 
I'll turn Trade (Master) and now live by the living  
Let the dead stink, 'tis a poor stinking Trade.  Lop. 
If the young Fool now  
Should chance to chop upon his fair Wife (Diego.)  Die. 
And handle her Case (Master) that's a law point,  
A point would make him start, and put on his Spectacles  
A hidden point, were worth the canvassing.  Lop. 
Now surely, surely, I should love him (Diego)  
And love him heartily: nay, I should love myself,  
Or any thing that had but that good fortune,  
For to say truth the Lawyer is a dogbolt,  
An arrant worm: and though I call him worshipful,  
I wish him a canonised Cuckold (Diego)  
Now, if my youth do dub him—  Di. 
He is too demure (sir.)  Lop. 
If he do sting her home.  Die. 
There's no such matter,  
The woman was not borne to so much blessedness,  
He has no heat: study consumes his oil (Master,)  Lop. 
Let's leave it to the will of Fate, and presently  
Over a cup of lusty Sack, let's prophesy.  
I am like a man that dreamt he was an Emperor,  
Come Diego, hope, & whilst he lasts, we'll lay it on. Exit.   

Scaena Tertia.  Enter Jamy Millanes, Arsenio. Jam. 
Angelo, Millanes, did you see this wonder?  Mil. 
Yes, yes.  Jam. 
And you Arsenio?  Ar. 
Yes he's gone (Sir)  
Strangely disguised, he's set upon his voyage.  
Love guide his thoughts: he's a brave honest fellow,  
Sit close Don Lawyer, o that arrant knave now,  
How he will stink, will smoke again, will burst:  
He's the most arrant Beast.  Mil. 
He may be more beast.  Ja, 
Let him bear six, and six, that all may blaze him,  
The villainy he has sowed into my Brother,  
And from his State the Revenue he has reached at:  
Pay him, my good Leandro, take my prayers.  Ar. 
And all our wishes plough with his fine white heifer.  Ja. 
Mark him (my dear Friend) for a famous Cuckold,  
Let it outlive his Books, his pains, and hear me,  
The more he seeks to smother it with Justice, Enter a Servant.  
Let it blaze out the more: what news Andrea?  Andr. 
News I am loath to tell ye: but I am charged (Sir)  
Your Brother lays a strict command upon ye,  
No more to know his house, upon our danger,  
I am sorry (Sir.)  Jam. 
'Faith never be: I am glad on't,  
He keeps the house of pride, and foolery:  
I mean to shun it: so return my Answer,  
'Twill shortly spew him out; Come, let's be merry,  
And lay our heads together, carefully  
How we may help our friend; and let's lodge near him,  
Be still at hand: I would not for my patrimony,  
But he should crown his Lawyer, a learned Monster,  
Come, let's away I am stark mad till I see him. Exeunt.   

Scaena Quarta.  Enter Bartolus, and Amaranta. Amar. 
Why, will ye bring men in, and yet be jealous?  
Why will ye lodge a young man, a man able,  
And yet repine?  Bar. 
He shall not trouble thee (Sweet)  
A modest poor slight thing, did I not tell thee  
He was only given to the Book, and for that  
How royally he pays? finds his own meat too.  Am. 
I will not have him here: I know your courses,  
And what fits you will fall into of madness.  Bar. 
i'faith, I will not Wife,  Am. 
I will not try ye,  Bar. 
He comes not near thee: shall not dare to tread  
Within thy Lodgings, in an old outroom  
Where Logs, and Coals were laid.  Am. 
Now ye lay fire; Fire to consume your quiet.  Bar. 
Didst thou know him,  
Thou wouldst think as I do: he disquiet thee?  
Thou mayst wear him next thy heart, & yet not warm him,  
His mind (poor man) 's o'th' Law, how to live after,  
And not on lewdness: on my conscience  
He knows not how to look upon a woman  
More than by reading what Sex she is.  Am. 
I do not like it (Sir.)  Bar. 
Dost thou not see (Fool)  
What presents he sends hourly in his gratefulness?  
What delicate meats?  Am. 
You had best trust him at your Table,  
Do and repent it do.  Bar. 
If thou be'st willing,  
By my troth, I think he might come, he's so modest,  
He never speaks: there's part of that he gave me,  
He'll eat but half a dozen bits, and rise immediately,  
Even as he eats, he studies: he'll not disquiet thee,  
Do as thou pleasest (Wife.)  Am. 
What means this Woodcock? Knock within.  Bar. 
Retire (Sweet) there's one knocks: come in, your business.  Enter Servant. Ser. 
My Lord Don Henrique, would entreat ye, Sir,  
To come immediately, and speak with him,  
He has business of some moment.  Bar. 
I'll attend him,  
I must be gone: I prithee think the best (wife)  
At my return I'll tell thee more, good morrow;  
Sir, keep ye close, and study hard: an hour hence  
I'll read a new Case to ye:— Exit. Leandro within.  Lean. 
I'll be ready. Enter Amaranta.  Amar. 
So many hundred Ducats, to lie scurvily?  
And learn the pelting law? this sounds but slenderly,  
But very poorly: I would see this fellow  
Very fain see him, how he looks: I will find  
To what end, and what study: there's the place:  
I'll go o'th' other side, and take my Fortune;  
I think there is a window. Exit. Enter Leandro.  Lean. 
He's gone out  
Now, if I could but see her: she is not this way:  
How nastily he keeps his house? my Chamber,  
If I continue long, will choke me up,  
It is so damp: I shall be mortified  
For any woman, if I stay a month here:  
I'll in, and strike my Lute, that sound may call her. Exit.  Enter Amaranta. Lute and Song. Ama. 
He keeps very close: Lord, how I long to see him:  
A Lute struck handsomely, a voice too; I'll hear that:  
These Verses are no Law, they sound too sweetly,  
Now I am more desirous. (Leandro peeping.)  Lea. 
'Tis she certain.  Am. 
What's that that peeps?  Lea. 
O, admirable face!  Am. 
Sure 'tis the man.  Lea. 
I will go out a little.  Am. 
He looks not like a fool, his face is noble:  
How still he stands?  Lea. 
I am strucken dumb, with wonder,  
Sure all the Excellence of Earth dwells here.  Am. 
How pale he looks? yet how his eyes like torches,  
Fling their beams round: how manly his face shows?  
He comes on: surely he will speak: he is made most handsomely:  
This is no Clerk behaviour; Now I have seen ye,  
I'll take my time: husband ye have brought home tinder. Ex  Lea. 
Sure she has transformed me,  
I had forgot my tongue clean,  
I never saw a face yet, but this rare one,  
But I was able boldly to encounter it,  
And speak my mind, my lips were lock upon me,  
This is divine, and only served with reverence;  
O most fair cover, of a hand far fairer,  
Thou blessed Innocence, that guards that whiteness,  
Live next my heart. I am glad I have got a relic, A noise within.  
A relic when I pray to it, may work wonders.  
Hark, there's some noise: I must retire again.  
This blessed Apparition, makes me happy;  
I'll suffer, and I'll sacrifice my substance.  
But I'll enjoy: now softly to my Kennel. Exit.    

Actus Tertius,  

Scaena Prima.  Enter Henrique and Bartolus. Hen. 
You know my cause sufficiently?  Bar. 
I do (Sir.)  Hen. 
And though it will impair my honesty,  
And strike deep at my Credit, yet (my Bartolus)  
There being no other evasion left to free me  
From the vexation of my spiteful Brother,  
That most insultingly reigns over me,  
I must and will go forward.  Bar. 
Do (my Lord)  
And look not after credit, we shall cure that,  
Your bended honesty, we shall set right (Sir)  
We Surgeons of the Law, do desperate cures (Sir)  
And you shall see how heartily I'll handle it:  
Mark how I'll knock it home: be of good cheer (Sir)  
You give good Fees, and those beget good Causes,  
The prerogative of your crowns will carry the matter,  
(Carry it sheer) The Assistant fits tomorrow,  
And he's your friend, your monied men love naturally,  
And as your loves are clear, so are your Causes.  Hen. 
He shall not want for that.  Bar. 
No, no, he must not,  
Line your Cause warmly (Sir) the times are Aguish,  
That holds a Plea in heart; hang the penurious,  
Their Causes (like their purses) have poor Issues.  Hen. 
That way, I was ever bountiful.  Bar. 
'Tis true (Sir)  
That makes ye feared forces the Snakes to kneel to ye,  
Live full of money, and supply the Lawyer,  
And take your choice of what man's lands you please (Sir)  
What pleasures, or what profits; what revenges,  
They are all your own: I must have witnesses  
Enough, and ready.  Hen. 
You shall not want (my Bartolus.)  Bar. 
Substantial fearless souls, that will swear suddenly,  
That will swear any thing.  Hen. 
They shall swear truth too.  Bar. 
That's no great matter: for variety  
They may swear truth, else 'tis not much looked after:  
I will serve Process, presently, and strongly  
Upon your Brother, and Octavio,  
Jacintha and the Boy; provide your proofs (Sir)  
And set 'em fairly off, be sure of Witnesses,  
Though they cost money, want no store of witnesses,  
I have seen a handsome Cause, so foully lost (Sir,)  
So beastly cast away for want of Witnesses.  Hen. 
There shall want nothing.  Bar. 
Then be gone, be provident,  
Send to the Judge, a secret way: you have me,  
And let him understand the heart.  Hen. 
I shall (Sir.)  Bar. 
And feel the pulses strongly beat, I'll study,  
And at my hour, but mark me, go, be happy,  
Go and believe i'th' Law.  Hen. 
I hope 'twill help me. Exeunt.   

Scaena Secunda.  Enter Lopez, Diego and four Parishioners and Singers. Lop. 
ne'er talk to me, I will not stay amongst ye,  
Debauched and ignorant lazy knaves I found ye,  
And fools I leave ye, I have taught these twenty years,  
Preached spoon-meat to ye, that a child might swallow,  
Yet ye are Blockheads still: what should I say to ye?  
Ye have neither faith, nor money left to save ye,  
Am I a fit companion for such Beggars?  1. 
If the Shepherd will suffer the sheep to be scabbed (sir)  Lop. 
No, no, ye are rotten.  Di. 
Would they were, for my sake.  Lop. 
I have anointed ye, and tarred ye with my doctrine,  
And yet the murrain sticks to ye, yet ye are mangy,  
I will avoid ye. Two chairs set out.  2. 
Pray ye (Sir) be not angry,  
In the pride of your new Cassock, do not part with us,  
We do acknowledge ye a careful Curate,  
And one that seldom troubles us with Sermons,  
A short slice of a Reading serves us (Sir)  
We do acknowledge ye a quiet Teacher,  
Before You'll vex your Audience, you'll sleep with 'em,  
And that's a loving thing.  3. 
We grant ye (Sir)  
The only benefactor to our Rolling,  
To all our merry Sports, the first provoker,  
And at our Feasts we know there is no reason,  
But you that edify us most, should eat most.  Lop. 
I will not stay for all this, ye shall know me  
A man borne to a more beseeming fortune  
Then ringing all-in, to a rout of Dunces.  4. 
We will increase your Tithes, you shall have Eggs too,  
Though they may prove most dangerous to our Issues.  1. 
I am a Smith; yet thus far out of my love  
You shall have the tenth horse I prick, to pray for,  
I am sure I prick five hundred in a year (Sir.  2. 
I am a Cook a man of a dried conscience,  
Yet thus far I relent: you shall have tith porridge.  3. 
Your stipend shall be raised too (good neighbour Diego.  Di. 
Would ye have me speak for ye? I am more angry  
Ten times more vexed not to be pacified:  
No there be other places for poor sexton's  
Places of profit (Friends) fine stirring places,  
And people that know how to use our Offices,  
Know what they were made for: I speak for such Capons?  
Ye shall find the Key o'th' Church,  
Under the door (Neighbours,)  
You may go in, and drive away the daws.  Lop. 
My surplice, with one sleeve, you shall find there,  
For to that dearth of Linen, you have driven me;  
And the old Cutwork Cope, that hangs by gymitrie:  
Pray ye turn 'em carefully, they are very tender:  
The remnant of the Books, lie where they did (Neighbours)  
Half puffed away with the Churchwardens pipings.  
Such smoky zeals they have against hard places,  
The poor-man's Box is there too: if ye find any thing  
Beside the posy, and that half rubbed out too,  
For fear it should awake too much charity  
Give it to pious uses, that is, spend it:  Die. 
The Bell-ropes, they are strong enough to hang ye,  
So we bequeath ye to your destiny.  1. 
Pray ye be not so hasty.  Di. 
I'll speak a proud word to ye,  
Would ye have us stay?  2. 
We do most hearty pray ye.  3. 
I'll draw as mighty drink (Sir.)  Lop. 
A strong motive,  
The stronger still the more ye come unto me.  3. 
And I'll send for my Daughter:  Lop. 
This may stir too:  
The Maiden is of age, and must be edified.  4. 
You shall have any thing: lose our learned Vicar?  
And our most constant friend; honest dear Diego?  Di. 
Yet all this will not do: I'll tell ye (Neighbours)  
And tell ye true: if ye will have us stay,  
If you will have the comforts of our companies,  
You shall be bound to do us right in these points,  
You shall be bound, and this the obligation,  
Die when 'tis fit, that we may have fit duties,  
And do not seek to draw— out our undoings,  
Marry tried women, that are free, and fruitful,  
Get children in abundance, for your Christenings,  
Or suffer to be got, 'tis equal justice,  Lop. 
Let Weddings, Christenings, Churchings, Funerals,  
And merry Gossipings go round, go round still,  
Round as a Pig, that we may find the profit.  Die. 
And let your old men fall sick handsomely:  
And die immediately, their Sons may shoot up:  
Let women die o'th' sullens too, 'tis natural,  
But be sure their Daughters be of age first,  
That they may stock us still: your queasy young wives  
That perish undelivered, I am vexed with,  
And vexed abundantly, it much concerns me,  
There's a child's burial lost, look that be mended.  Lo. 
Let 'em be brought to bed, then die when they please,  
These things considered (Countrymen) and sworn to  2. 
All these, and all our sports again, and gambols.  3. 
We must die, and we must live, and we'll be merry,  
Every man shall be rich by one another.  2. 
We are here tomorrow, and gone today: for my part  
If getting children can befriend my Neighbours,  
I'll labour hard but I will fill your Font (Sir.)  1. 
I have a Mother now, and an old Father,  
They are as sure your own, within these two months—  4. 
My Sister must be prayed for too, she is desperate,  
Desperate in love.  Die. 
Keep, desperate men far from her,  
Then 'twill go hard: do you see how melancholy?  
Do you mark the man? do you profess ye love him?  
And would do any thing to stay his fury?  
And are ye unprovided to refresh him,  
To make him know your loves? fie Neighbours,  2. 
We'll do any thing,  
We have brought Music to appease his spirit,  
And the best Song we'll give him.  Die. 
Pray ye sit down (Sir)  
They know their duties now, and they stand ready  
To tender their best mirth.  Lop. 
'Tis well, proceed Neighbours,  
I am glad I have brought ye to understand good manners,  
Ye had Puritan hearts awhile, spurned at all pastimes,  
But I see some hope now.  Die. 
We are set proceed Neighbours.  Enter Arsenio and Millanes. Ars. 
What ails this Priest? how highly the thing takes it?  Mi. 
Lord how it looks? has he not bought some Prebend?  
Leandro's money, makes the Rascal merry,  
Merry at heart; he spies us.  Lo. 
Be gone Neighbours, The Bar & Book ready on a Table.  
Here are some Gentlemen: be gone good Neighbours,  
Be gone, and labour to redeem my favour,  
No more words but be gone: these two are Gentlemen,  
No company for crusty-handed fellows.  Dieg. 
We will stay for a year or two, and try ye:  Lop. 
Fill all your hearts with joy, we will stay with ye,  
Be gone no more; I take your pastimes graciously:  
Would ye with me (My friends?)  Ars. 
We would look upon ye,  
For methinks ye look lovely.  Lop. 
Ye have no Letters?  
Nor any kind Remembrances?  Mil. 
Remembrances?  Lop. 
From Nova Hispania, or some part remote (Sir)  
You look like traveled men: may be some old friends  
That happily I have forgot; some Signors  
In China, or Cataya; some Companions—  Dieg. 
In the moguls Court, or elsewhere.  Ars. 
They are mad sure.  Lop. 
Ye came not from Peru? do they look (Diego)  
As if they had some mystery about 'em?  
Another Don Alonzo now?  Di. 
I marry,  
And so much money, Sir, from one you know not,  
Let it be who it will.  Lop. 
They have gracious favours.  
Would ye be private?  Mil. 
There's no need on't (Sir)  
We come to bring ye a Remembrance from a Merchant.  Lop. 
'Tis very well, 'tis like I know him.  Ars. 
No. sir,  
I do not think ye do.  Lop. 
A new mistake (Diego)  
Let's carry it decently.  Ars. 
We come to tell ye,  
You have received great sums from a young Factor  
They call Leandro, that has robbed his Master,  
robbed him, and run away.  Dieg. 
Let's keep close (Master)  
This news comes from a cold Country.  Lop. 
By my faith it freezes,  Mil. 
Is not this true? do you shrink now (good man Curate)  
Do I not touch ye?  Lop. 
We have a hundred Ducats  
Yet left, we do beseech ye sir—  Mil. 
You'll hang both.  Lop. 
One may suffice.  Di. 
I will not hang alone (Master)  
I had the least part, you shall hang the highest.  
Plague o' this Tiveria, and the Letter,  
The devil sent it post, to pepper us,  
From Nova Hispania we shall hang at home now.  Ars. 
I see ye are penitent, and I have compassion:  
Ye are secure both; do but what we charge ye,  
Ye shall have more gold too, and he shall give it,  
Yet ne'er endanger ye.  Lop. 
Command us (Master)  
Command us presently, and see how nimbly—  Die. 
And if we do not handsomely endeavour—  Ars. 
Go home and till ye hear more keep private,  
Till we appear again, no words, (Vicar)  
There's something added.  Mil. 
For you too.  Lop. 
We are ready.  Mil. 
Go, and expect us hourly, if ye falter,  
Though ye had twenty lives—  Die. 
We are fit to lose 'em.  Lop. 
'Tis most expedient that we should hang both.  Die. 
If we be hanged, we cannot blame our fortune.  Mil. 
Farewell, and be your own friends.  Lop, 
We expect ye.— Exeunt.   

Scaena Tertia.  Enter Octavio, Jacintha, Ascanio. Oct. 
We cited to the Court! A Bar. Table-book, 2 chairs, & paper standish set out.  Ja. 
It is my wonder,  Oct. 
But not our fear, (jacintha) wealthy men  
That have Estates to lose, whose conscious thoughts  
Are full of inward guilt, may shake with horror,  
To have their Actions sifted or appear  
Before the Judge. But we that know ourselves  
As innocent, as poor, that have no Fleece  
On which the Talons of the griping Law  
Can take sure hold, may smile with scorn on all  
That can be urged against us.  Ia. 
I am confident  
There is no man so covetous, that desires  
To ravish our wants from us, and less hope  
There can be so much Justice left on earth,  
(Though sued and called upon) to ease us of  
The burden of our wrongs.  Oct. 
What thinks Ascanio?  
Should we be called in question or accused  
Unjustly, what would you do to redeem us,  
From tyrannous oppression?  Asc. 
I could pray  
To him that ever has an open ear  
To hear the innocent, and right their wrongs;  
Nay, by my troth, I think I could out plead  
An Advocate, and sweat as much as he  
does for a double Fee, ere you should suffer  
In an honest cause.  Enter jamy and Bartolus. Oct. 
Happy simplicity!  Ia. 
My dearest, and my best one: Don jamie,  Oct. 
And the Advocate, that caused us to be summoned.  Asc. 
My Lord is moved, I see it in his looks,  
And that man, in the Gown, in my opinion  
Looks like a proaguing knave.  Iac. 
Peace, give them leave.  Iam. 
Serve me with Process?  Bar. 
My Lord, you are not lawless.  Iam. 
Nor thou honest;  
One, that not long since was the buckram Scribe,  
That would run on men's errands for an Aspe●,  
And from such baseness, having raised a Stock  
To bribe the covetous Judge, called to the Bar,  
So poor in practice too, that you would plead  
A needy Clients Cause, for a starved hen,  
Or half a little loin of veal, though fly blown,  
And these, the greatest Fees you could arrive at  
For just proceedings; but since you turned Rascal—  Bar. 
Good words, my Lord.  Iam. 
And grew my Brother's Bawd  
In all his vicious courses, soothing him  
In his dishonest practises, you are grown  
The rich, and eminent knave, in the devil's name,  
What am I cited for?  Bar. 
You shall know anon,  
And then too late repent this bitter language,  
Or I'll miss of my ends.  Iam. 
Were't not in Court,  
I would beat that fat of thine, raised by the food  
Snatched from poor Clients mouths, into a jelly:  
I would (my man of Law) but I am patient,  
And would obey the Judge.  Bar. 
'Tis your best course:  
Would every enemy I have would beat me,  
I would wish no better Action.  Oct. 
'Save your Lordship.  Asc. 
My numble service.  Iam. 
My good Boy, how dost thou?  
Why art thou called into the Court?  Enter Assistant, Henrique, Officer, and Witnesses. Asc. 
I know not,  
But 'tis my Lord the Assistants pleasure  
I should attend here.  Iam. 
He will soon resolve us.  Offi. 
Make way there for the Judge.  Jam. 
How? my kind Brother?  
Nay then 'tis rank: there is some villainy towards.  Assist. 
'Tis Sessions purchased at our suit, Don Henrique,  
Hath brought us hither, to hear and determine  
Of what you can prefer.  Henrique. 
I do beseech  
The honourable Court, I may be heard  
In my Advocate.  Assist. 
'Tis granted.  Bar. 
humh, humh.  Jam. 
That preface  
If left out in a Lawyer, spoils the Cause,  
Though ne'er so good, and honest.  Bar. 
If I stood here,  
To plead in the defence of an ill man,  
(Most equal Judge) or to accuse the innocent  
(To both which, I profess myself a stranger)  
It would be requisite I should deck my Language  
With Tropes and Figures, and all flourishes  
That grace a Rhetorician, 'tis confessed  
Adulterate Metals, need the goldsmith's Art,  
To set 'em off; what, in itself is perfect  
contemns a borrowed gloss: This Lord (my Client)  
Whose honest cause, when 'tis related truly,  
Will challenge Justice, finding in his conscience  
A tender scruple of a fault long since  
By him committed, thinks it not sufficient  
To be absolved of't, by his Confessor,  
If that in open Court, he publish nor  
What was so long concealed.  Iam. 
To what tends this?  Bar. 
In his young years (it is no miracle  
That youth, and heat of Blood, should mix together)  
He looked upon this woman, on whose face  
The ruins yet remain of excellent form,  
He looked on her, and loved her.  Iac: 
You good Angels,  
What an impudence is this?  Bar. 
And used all means  
Of Service, Courtship, Presents, that might win her  
To be at his devotion: but in vain  
Her maiden Fort impregnable held out  
Until he promised Marriage; and before  
These Witnesses a solemn Contract passed  
To take her as his wife.  Assist. 
Give them their oath.  Iam. 
They are incompetent Witnesses, his own Creatures,  
And will swear any thing for half a royal.  Off. 
Silence.  Assist. 
Proceed.  Bar. 
Upon this strong assurance  
He did enjoy his wishes to the full,  
Which satisfied and then with eyes of Judgement  
(Had winked with lust before) considering duly  
The inequality of the Match, he being  
Nobly descended, and allied, but she  
Without a name, or Family, secretly  
He purchased a Divorce, to disannul  
His former Contract, marrying openly  
The Lady Violante.  Iac. 
As you sit here  
The Deputy of the great King, who is  
The Substitute of that impartial Judge  
With whom, or Wealth, or titles prevail nothing,  
Grant to a much wronged Widow, or a Wife  
Your patience, with liberty to speak  
In her own Cause, and let me face to face  
To this bad man, deliver what he is:  
And if my wrongs, with his ingratitude balanced,  
Move not compassion, let me die unpitied;  
His tears, his oaths, his perjuries, I pass o'er  
To think of them is a disease; but death  
Should I repeat them. I dare not deny,  
(For Innocence cannot justify what's false)  
But all the Advocate hath alleged concerning  
His falsehood and my shame in my consent,  
To be most true: But now I turn to thee,  
To thee Don Henrique, and if impious Acts  
Have left thee blood enough to make a blush,  
I'll paint it on thy cheeks. Was not the wrong  
Sufficient to defeat me of mine honour,  
To leave me full of sorrow, as of want,  
The witness of thy lust, left in my womb,  
To testify thy falsehood, and my shame?  
But now so many years I had concealed  
Thy most inhuman wickedness, and won  
This Gentleman, to hide it from the world  
To Father what was thine (for yet by heaven,  
Though in the City, he passed for my husband,  
He never knew me as his wife)  Assist. 
'Tis strange:  
Give him an Oath.  Oct. 
I gladly swear, and truly.  Iac. 
After all this (I say) when I had borne  
These wrongs, with Saintlike patience saw another  
Freely enjoy, what was (in Justice) mine,  
Yet still so tender of thy rest, and quiet,  
I never would divulge it, to disturb  
Thy peace at home, yet thou most barbarous,  
To be so careless of me, and my Fame,  
(For all respect of thine in the first step  
To thy base lust, was lost) in open Court Chessboard and men set ready.  
To publish my disgrace? and on record,  
To write me up an easy-yielding wanton?  
I think can find no precedent: In my extremes,  
One comfort yet is left, that though the Law  
Divorce me from thy bed, and made free way  
To the unjust embraces of another,  
It cannot yet deny that this thy Son  
(Look up Ascanio since it is come out)  
Is thy legitimate heir.  Iam. 
Confederacy:  
A trick (my Lord) to cheat me; ere you give  
Your Sentence grant me hearing.  Assist. 
New Chimaeras?  Iam. 
I am (my Lord) since he is without Issue,  
Or hope of any his undoubted Heir,  
And this forged by the Advocate, to defeat me  
Of what the Laws of Spain, confer upon me,  
A mere Imposture, and conspiracy  
Against my future fortunes,  Assist. 
You are too bold.  
Speak to the Cause Don Henrique.  Hen. 
I confess,  
(Though the acknowledgement must wound mine honour,  
That all the Court hath heard touching this Cause,  
Or with me, or against me) is most true:  
The later part my Brother urged, excepted:  
For what I now do, is not out of Spleen  
(As he pretends) but from remorse of conscience)  
And to repair the wrong that I have done  
To this poor woman: And I beseech your Lordship  
To think I have not so far lost my reason,  
To bring into my Family, to succeed me,  
The stranger— Issue of another's Bed,  
By proof, this is my Son, I challenge him,  
Accept him, and acknowledge him, and desire  
By a definitive Sentence of the Court,  
He may be so recorded, and full power  
To me, to take him home.  Iac. 
A second rape  
To the poor remnant of Content, that's left me,  
If this be granted: and all my former wrongs  
Were but beginnings to my miseries,  
But this the height of all: rather than part  
With my Ascanio, I'll deny my oath,  
Profess myself a Strumpet, and endure  
What punishment soe'er the Court decrees  
Against a wretch that hath forsworn herself,  
Or played the impudent whore.  Assist. 
This tastes of passion,  
And that must not divert the course of Justice;  
Don Henrique, take your Son, with this Condition  
You give him maintenance, as becomes his birth,  
And 'twill stand with your honour to do something  
For this wronged woman: I will compel nothing,  
But leave it to your will. Break up the Court:  
It is in vain to move me; my doom's passed,  
And cannot be revoked.— Exit.  Hen. 
There's your reward.  Bar. 
More Causes: and such Fees. Now to my Wife,  
I have too long been absent: Health to your Lordship,  Asc. 
You all look strangely, and I fear believe  
This unexpected fortune makes me proud,  
Indeed it does not: I shall ever pay you  
The duty of a son, and honour you  
Next to my Father: good my Lord, for yet  
I dare not call you uncle, be not sad,  
I never shall forget those noble favours  
You did me being a stranger, and if ever  
I live to be the master of a fortune,  
You shall command it.  Jam. 
Since it was determined  
I should be cozened, I am glad the profit  
Shall fall on thee, I am too tough to melt,  
But something I will do.  Hen. 
Pray you take leave  
Of your steward (gentle Brother) the good husband  
That takes up all for you.  Jam. 
Very well, mock on,  
It is your turn: I may have mine— Exit.  Oct. 
But do not  
Forget us dear Ascanio  Asc. 
Do not fear it.  
I Every day will see you: every hour  
Remember you in my prayers.  Jam. 
My grief's too great  
To be expressed in words— Exit.  Hen. 
Take that and leave us,  
Leave us without reply, nay come back sirrah  
And study to forget such things as these  
As are not worth the knowledge.  Asc. 
O good Sir.  
These are bad principles—  Hen. 
Such as you must learn  
Now you are mine for wealth and poverty  
Can hold no friendship: and what is my will  
You must observe and do, though good or ill. Exeunt   

Scena Quarta.  Enter Bartolus. Bar. 
Where is my wife? 'fore heaven, I have done wonders  
Done mighty things today, my Amaranta,  
My heart rejoices at my wealthy Gleanings,  
A rich litigious Lord I love to follow,  
A Lord that builds his happiness on brawlings,  
O 'tis a blessed thing to have rich Clients,  
Why, wife I say, how fares my studious Pupil?  
Hard at it still? ye are too violent  
All things must have their rests they will not last else  
Come out and breathe. Leandro within  Lean. 
I do beseech you pardon me  
I am deeply in a sweet point Sir,  Bar. 
I'll instruct ye:  Enter Amaranta. 
I say take breath, seek health first, than your study,  
O my sweet soul I have brought thee golden birds home,  
Birds in abundance: I have done strange wonders:  
There's more a hatching too.  Am. 
Have ye done good husband?  
Then 'tis a good day spent  Bar. 
Good enough chicken,  
I have spread the nets o'th' law, to catch rich booties,  
And they come flittering in: how does my Pupil?  
My modest thing, hast thou yet spoken to him?  Am. 
As I passed by his chamber I might see him,  
But he is so bookish,  Bar. 
And so bashful too,  
i'faith he is, before he will speak, he will starve there  Am. 
I pity him a little.  Bar. 
So do I too.  Am. 
And if he please to take the air o'th' gardens  
Or walk i'th' inward rooms, so he molest not—  Bar. 
He shall not trouble thee, he dare not speak to thee  Enter moor with Chessboard 
Bring out the Chessboard— come let's have a game wife,  
I'll try your mastery, you say you are cunning  Am. 
As learned as ye are (Sir) I shall beat ye  Enter Leandro. Ba. 
Here he steals out, put him not out of countenance  
Prithee look another way, he will be gone else  
Walk and refresh yourself I'll be with you presently,  Lean. 
I'll take the air a little.  Bar. 
'Twill be healthful.  Am. 
Will ye be there? then here? I'll spare ye that man,  Lean. 
'Would I were so near too, and a mate fitting.  A. 
What think ye (Sir) to this? have at your Knight now  Bar. 
'Twas subtly played: your Queen lies at my service  
Pre thee look off, he is ready to pop in again,  
Look off I say, dost thou not see how he blushes?  Am. 
I do not blast him:  Lean. 
But ye do, and burn too.  
What killing looks she steals?  Bar. 
I have you now close,  
Now for a Mate.  Lean. 
You are a blessed man that may so have her.  
Oh that I might play with her— knock within  Bar. 
Who's there? I come you cannot scape me now wife  
I come, I come, knock  Lean. 
Most blessed hand that calls him.  Bar. 
Play quickly wife.  Am. 
Pray ye give leave to think, Sir,  Enter moor. Moore 
An honest neighbour that dwells hard by (Sir)  
Would fain speak with your worship about business.  Lean. 
The devil blow him off.  Bar. 
Play.  Am. 
I will study:  
For if you beat me thus, you will still laugh at me— knock  Bar. 
He knocks again; I cannot stay. Leandro  
Pray thee come near.  Lean. 
I am well (Sir) here,  Bar. 
Come hither:  
Be not afraid but come.  Am. 
Here's none will bite (Sir)  Lean. 
God forbid Lady.  Am. 
Pray come nearer.  Lean. 
Yes forsooth.  Bar. 
Pray thee observe these men: just as they stand here  
And see this Lady, do not alter 'em,  
And be not partial, Pupil.  Lean. 
No indeed Sir.  Bar. 
Let her not move a pawn, I'll come back presently  
Nay you shall know I am a Conqueror.  
Have an eye Pupil— Exit.  Am. 
Can ye play at Chess Sir?  Lean. 
A little Lady.  Am. 
But you cannot tell me  
How to avoid this Mate, & win the Game too  
Has noble eyes: ye dare not friend me so far.  Lean. 
I dare do any thing that's in man's power, Lady,  
To be a friend to such a noble beauty.  Am. 
This is no lawyer's language: I pray ye tell me,  
Whether may I remove, Ye see I am set round?  
To avoid my husband.  Lean. 
I shall tell ye happily.  
But happily you will not be instructed.  Am. 
Yes, and I thank ye too, shall I move this man?  Lean. 
Those are unseemly: move one can serve ye  
Can honour ye, can love ye.  Am. 
Pray ye tell quickly  
He will return and then  Lean. 
I'll tell ye instantly  
Move me, and I will move any way to serve ye  
Move your heart this way (Lady)  Am. 
How?  Lean. 
Pray ye hear me.  
Behold the sport of Love, when he is imperious  
Behold the slave of Love  Am. 
Move my Queen this way?  
Sure, he's some worthy man: then if he hedge me  
Or here to open him.  Lean. 
Do but behold me  
If there be pity in you, do but view me,  
But view the misery I have undertaken  
For you the poverty.  Am. 
He will come presently.  
Now play your best Sir, though I lose this Rook here  
Yet I get Liberty.  Lean. 
I'll seize your fair hand  
And warm it with a hundred, hundred kisses  
The God of love warm your desires but equal  
That shall play my game now.  Am. 
What do you mean Sir?  
Why do you stop me?  Lean. 
That ye may intend me.  
The time has blessed us both: Love bids us use it.  
I am a Gentleman nobly descended:  
Young to invite your Love, rich to maintain it.  
I bring a whole heart to ye, thus I give it,  
And to those burning altars thus I offer,  
And thus divine lips, where perpetual Spring grows.  Am. 
Take that, ye are too saucy.  Lean. 
How proud Lady?  
Strike my deserts?  Am. 
I was too blame.  Enter Bartolus. Bar. 
What wise, there?  
Heaven keep my house from thieves.  Lean. 
I am wretched:  
Opened, discovered, lost to my wishes.  
I shall be whooted at.  Bar. 
What noise was this (wife?)  
Why dost thou smile?  Lean. 
This proud thing will betray me.  Bar. 
Why these lie here? what anger (dear?)  Am. 
Why none, Sir,  
Only a chance, your pupil said he played well,  
And so indeed he does: he undertook for ye  
Because I would not sit so long time idle  
I made my Liberty avoided your mate,  
And he again as cunningly endangered me,  
Indeed he put me strangely to it. When presently  
Hearing you come, and having broke his ambush too  
Having the second time brought off my Queen fair,  
I rose o'th' sudden smilingly to show ye,  
My apron caught the Chessboard, and the men,  
And there the noise was.  Bar. 
Thou art grown a Master,  
For all this, I shall beat ye.  Lean. 
Or I, Lawyer,  
For now I love her more, 'twas a neat answer,  
And by it hangs a mighty hope, I thank her  
She gave my pate a sound knock that it rings yet,  
But you shall have a sounder if I live Lawyer,  
My heart aches yet I would not be in that fear—  Bar. 
I am glad ye are a gamester, Sir, sometimes  
For recreation we two shall fight hard at it.  Am. 
He will prove too hard for me,  Lean. 
I hope he shall do,  
But your Chessboard is too hard for my head, line that good Lady,  Bar. 
I have been atoning two most wrangling neighbours,  
They had no money, therefore I made even  
Come, let's go in, and eat, truly I am hungry.  Lean. 
I have eaten already, I must entreat your pardon  Bar. 
Do as ye please, we shall expect ye at supper.  
He has got a little heart, now it seems handsomely,  Am. 
You'll get no little head, if I do not look to ye.  Lean. 
If ever I do catch thee again thou vanity—  Am. 
I was too blame to be so rash, I am sorry— Exeunt.    

Actus Quartus  

Scaena Prima.  Enter Don Henrique, Violante, Ascanio. Hen. 
Hear but my reasons,  Viol. 
O my patience hear 'em.  
Can cunning falsehood colour an excuse?  
With any seeming shape of borrowed truth?  
Extenuate this woeful wrong, not error.  Hen. 
You gave consent that to defeat my brother  
I should take any course,  Viol. 
But not to make  
The cure more loathsome than the foul disease:  
Was't not enough you took me to your bed,  
tired with loose dalliance, and with empty veins,  
All those abilities spent before and wasted,  
That could confer the name of mother on me?  
But that (to perfect my account of sorrow)  
For my long barrenness you must heighten it  
By showing to my face, that you were fruitful  
hugged in the base embraces of another?  
If Solitude that dwelled beneath my roof,  
And want of children was a torment to me  
What end of my vexation to behold  
A bastard to upbraid me with my wants?  
And hear the name of father paid to ye  
Yet know myself no mother,  
What can I say?  Hen. 
shall I confess my fault and ask your pardon?  
Will that content ye?  Viol. 
If it could make void,  
What is confirmed in Court No, no, Don Henrique  
You shall know that I find myself abused,  
And add to that I have a woman's anger,  
And while I look upon this Basilisk  
Whose envious eyes hath blasted all my comforts  
Rest confident I'll study my dark ends,  
And not your pleasures,  Asc. 
Noble Lady, hear me,  
Not as my Father's son, but as your servant,  
Vouchsafe to hear me, for such in my duty,  
I ever will appear: And far be it from  
My poor ambition, ever to look on you,  
But with that reverence; which a slave stands bound  
To pay a worthy Mistress: I have heard  
That Dames of highest place, nay Queens themselves,  
Disdain not to be served by such as are  
Of meanest Birth: and I shall be most happy,  
To be employed when you please to command me  
Even in the coursest Office, as your Page,  
I can wait on your trencher: fill your wine  
Carry your pontafles, and be sometimes blessed  
In all humility to touch your feet  
Or if that you esteem that too much grace  
I can run by your Coach: observe your looks  
And hope to gain a fortune by my service,  
With your good favour, which now, as a Son,  
I dare not challenge  Viol. 
As a Son,  Asc. 
Forgive me  
I will forget the name, let it be death  
For me to call you Mother.  Viol. 
Still upbraided?  Hen. 
No way left to appease you?  Viol. 
None: now hear me,  
Hear what I vow before the face of heaven,  
And if I break it all plagues in this life,  
And those that after death are feared, fall on me,  
While that this Bastard stays under my roof,  
Look for no peace at home, for I renounce  
All Offices of a wife,  Hen. 
What am I fall'n to?  Viol. 
I will not eat, nor sleep with you and those hours  
Which I should spend in prayers for your health  
Shall be employed in Curses,  Hen. 
Terrible.  Viol. 
All the day long, I'll be as tedious to you  
As lingering fevers, and I'll watch the nights,  
To ring aloud your shame and break your sleeps  
Or if you do but slumber, I'll appear  
In the shape of all my wrongs, and like a fury  
Fright you to madness, and if all this fail  
To work out my revenge, I have friends and kinsmen,  
That will not sit down tame with the disgrace  
That's offered to our noble family  
In what I suffer,  Hen. 
How am I divided  
Between the duties I owe as a Husband,  
And piety of a Parent?  Asc. 
I am taught Sir  
By the instinct of nature that obedience  
Which bids me to prefer your peace of mind,  
Before those pleasures that are dearest to me  
Be wholly hers (my Lord) I quit all parts,  
That I may challenge: may you grow old together  
And no distaste e'er find you and before  
The Characters of age are printed on you  
May you see many Images of yourselves,  
Though I, like some false Glass, that's never looked in  
Am cast aside, and broken from this hour  
(Unless invited, which I dare not hope for)  
I never will set my forbidden feet,  
Over your threshold: only give me leave  
Though cast off to the world, to mention you,  
In my devotions 'tis all I sue for  
And so I take my last leave  Hen. 
Though I am  
Devoted to a wife nay almost soled  
A slave to serve her pleasures, yet I cannot  
So part with all humanity, but I must  
Show something of a Father: thou shalt not go  
Unfurnished and unfriended too: take that  
To guard thee from necessities; may thy goodness  
Meet many favours, and thine innocence  
Deserve to be the heir of greater fortunes,  
Than thou were't borne to. Scorn me not Violante  
This banishment is a kind of civil death,  
And now, as it were at his Funeral  
To shed a tear or two, is not unmanly  
And so farewell for ever: one word more,  
Though I must never see thee (my Ascanio)  
When this is spent (for so the Judge decreed)  
Send to me for supply: are you pleased now?  Viol. 
Yes: I have cause: to see you howl and blubber  
At the parting of my torment, & your shame Bed ready, wine, table Standish & Paper.  
'Tis well: proceed: supply his wants: do do:  
Let the great dowry I brought serve to maintain  
Your Bastard's riots: send my Clothes and Jewels,  
To your old acquaintance, your dear dame his Mother  
Now you begin to melt, I know 'twill follow,  Hen. 
Is all I do misconstrued?  Viol. 
I will take  
A course to right myself a speeding one:  
By the blessed Saints, I will; if I prove cruel  
The shame to see thy foolish pity taught me  
To lose my natural softness, keep off from me  
Thy flatteries are infectious, and I'll flee thee  
As I would do a leper.  Hen. 
Let not fury  
Transport you so: you know I am your Creature,  
All love, but to yourself, with him, hath left me  
I'll join with you in any thing  Viol. 
In vain  
I'll take mine own ways, and will have no partners,  Hen. 
I will not cross you,  Viol. 
Do not, they shall find  
That to a Woman of her hopes beguiled  
A viper trod on, or an aspic's, mild. Exeunt.   

Scena Secunda.  Enter Lopez Millanes Arsenio. Lop. 
Sits the game there? I have you by mine order,  
I love Leandro for't  Mil. 
But you must show it  
In lending him your help, to gain him means  
And opportunity.  Lop. 
He shall want nothing,  
I know my Advocate to a hair, and what  
Will fetch him from his prayers, if he use any,  
I am honeyed with the project: I would have him horned  
For a most precious Beast.  Ars. 
But you lose time;  Lop. 
I am gone, instruct you Diego, you will find him  
A sharp and subtle knave, give him but hints  
And he will amplify: See all things ready  
I'll fetch him with a vengeance.— Exit.  Ars. 
If he fail now,  
we'll give him over too,  Mil. 
Tush he is fleshed,  
And knows what vain to strike for his own credit.  Ars. 
All things are ready.  Mil. 
Then we shall have a merry Scene, nor fear it.  Exeunt.  

Scena Tertia.  Enter Amaranta (with a note) and Moore. Amar. 
Is thy Master gone out?  Moore. 
Even now, the Curate fetched him,  
About a serious business as it seemed,  
For he snatched up his Cloak, and brushed his hat straight,  
Set his Band handsomely, and out he galloped.  Amar. 
'Tis well, 'tis very well, he went out (Egla.)  
As luckily, as one would say, go Husband,  
He was called by providence: fling this short paper  
Into Leandro's Cell, and waken him,  
He is monstrous vexed, and musty, at my Chess-play;  
But this shall supple him, when he has read it:  
Take your own recreation for two hours,  
And hinder nothing.  Moore. 
If I do, I'll hang for't. Exeunt.   

Scena quarta.  Enter Octavio, Jacintha. Oct. 
If that you loved Ascanio for himself,  
And not your private ends, you rather should  
Bless the fair opportunity, that restores him  
To his Birthright, and the Honours he was borne to,  
Then grieve at his good Fortune.  Jac. 
Grieve Octavio?  
I would resign my Essence, that he were  
As happy as my love could fashion him,  
Though every blessing that should fall on him,  
Might prove a curse to me, my sorrow springs  
Out of my fear, and doubt he is not safe.  
I am acquainted with Don Henrique's nature,  
And I have heard too much the fiery temper  
Of Madam Violante: can you think  
That she, that almost is at war with heaven  
For being barren, will with equal eyes  
Behold a Son of mine?  Oct. 
His Father's care,  
That for the want of Issue took him home,  
(Though with the forfeiture of his own fame)  
Will look unto his safety.  Jac. 
stepmother's  
Have many eyes, to find a way to mischief,  
Though blind to goodness.  Enter Jamy and Ascanio. Oct. 
Here comes Don Jamy,  
And with him our Ascanio.  Jamy. 
Good youth leave me,  
I know thou art forbid my company,  
And only to be seen with me, will call on  
Thy Father's anger.  Ars. 
Sir if that to serve you  
Could lose me any thing (as indeed it cannot)  
I still would follow you. Alas I was borne  
To do you hurt but not to help myself,  
I was, for some particular end, took home,  
But am cast off again.  Jam. 
Is't possible?  Asc. 
The Lady, whom my Father calls his wife  
Abhors my sight, is sick of me, and forced him  
To turn me out of doors.  Iac. 
By my best hopes  
I thank her cruelty, for it comes near  
A saving charity.  Asc. 
I am only happy  
That yet I can relieve you, pray you share:  
My Father's wondrous kind, and promises  
That I should be supplied: but sure the Lady  
Is a malicious woman, and I fear  
Means me no good.  Enter Servant. jamy. 
I am turned a stone with wonder,  
And know not what to think.  Ser. 
From my Lady,  
Your private ear and this—  Iamy. 
New Miracles?  Ser. 
She says, if you dare make yourself a Fortune,  
She will propose the means; My Lord Don Henrique  
Is now from home and she alone expects you,  
If you dare trust her so, if not despair of  
A second offer, Exit.  Jam. 
Though there were an Ambush  
Laid for my life, ay, ll on and sound this secret,  
Retire thee (my Ascanio) with thy Mother:  
But stir not forth, some great design's on foot,  
Fall what can fall, if e'er the Sun be set,  
I see you not, give me dead.  Asc. 
We will expect you,  
And those blessed Angels, that love goodness, guard you.  Exeunt.  

Scena Quinta.  Enter Lopez and Bartolus. Bar. 
Is't possible he should be rich?  Lop. 
Most possible,  
He hath been long, though he had but little gettings,  
Drawing together, Sir.  Bar. 
Accounted a poor Sexton,  
Honest poor Diego,  Lop. 
I assure ye, a close Fellow,  
Both close, and scraping, and that fills the bags, Sir,  Bar. 
A notable good Fellow too?  Lop. 
Sometimes, Sir, Diego ready in Bed, wine, cup.  
When he hoped to drink a man into a surfeit,  
That he might gain by his Grave.  Bar. 
So many thousands?  Lop. 
Heaven knows what.  Bar. 
'Tis strange,  
'tis very strange; but we see by endeavour,  
And honest labour—  Lop. 
Milo by continuance  
Grew from a silly Calf (with your worship's reverence)  
To carry a Bull, from a penny, to a pound, Sir,  
And from a pound, to many: 'tis the progress.  Bar. 
Ye say true, but he loved to feed well also,  
And that methinks—  Lop. 
From another man's Trencher, Sir,  
And there he found it seasoned with small charge:  
There he would play the Tyrant, and would devour ye  
More than the Graves he made, at home he lived  
Like a Chameleon sucked th'air of misery, Table out Standish paper, stools.  
And grew fat by th'brews of an Eggshell,  
Would smell a cook's shop, and go home and surfeit,  
And be a month in fasting out that Fever.  Bar. 
These are good Symptoms: does he lie so sick say ye?  Lop. 
Oh, very sick.  Bar. 
And chosen me Executor?  Lop. 
Only your Worship.  Bar. 
No hope of his amendment?  Lop. 
None, that we find.  Bar. 
He hath no kinsmen neither?  Lop. 
'Truth, very few.  Bar. 
His mind will be the quieter,  
What Doctors has he?  Lop. 
There's none sir he believes in.  Bar. 
They are but needless things, in such extremities.  
Who draws the goodman's will?  Lop. 
Marry that do I, Sir.  
And to my grief.  Bar. 
Grief will do little now, Sir,  
Draw it to your comfort, Friend, and as I counsel ye,  
An honest man, but such men live not always  
Who are about him?  Lop. 
Many now he is passing,  
That would pretend to his love, yes, and some gentlemen  
That would fain counsel him, and be of his kindred;  
Rich men can want no heirs, Sir.  Bar. 
They do ill,  
Indeed they do, to trouble him: very ill, Sir,  
But we shall take a care.  Enter Diego (in a Bed) Millanes, Arsenio, and Parishioners. Lop. 
Will ye come near, Sir,  
Pray ye bring him out; Now ye may see in what state:  
Give him fresh air. Bed thrust out.  Bar. 
I am sorry, Neighbour Diego,  
To find ye in so weak a state.  Die. 
Ye are welcome,  
But I am fleeting, Sir.  Bar. 
Methinks he looks well,  
His colour fresh, and strong, his eyes are cheerful.  Lop. 
A glimmering before death, 'tis nothing else Sir,  
Do you see how he fumbles with the sheet? do ye note that  Di. 
My learned Sir pray ye sit: I am bold to send for ye,  
To take a care of what I leave.  Lop. 
Do you hear that?  Ars. 
Play the knave finely.  Die. 
So I will, I warrant ye,  
And carefully.  Bar. 
Pray ye do not trouble him,  
You see he's weak and has a wandering fancy.  Di. 
My honest Neighbours, weep not, I must leave ye,  
I cannot always bear ye company,  
We must drop still, there is no remedy:  
Pray ye Master Curate, will ye write my Testament,  
And write it largely it may be remembered  
And be witness to my Legacies good Gentlemen;  
Your worship I do make my full Executor,  
You are a man of wit and understanding:  
Give me a cup of wine to raise my Spirits,  
For I speak low: I would before these Neighbours  
Have ye to swear (Sir) that you will see it executed,  
And what I give, let equally be rendered  
For my soul's health.  Bar. 
I vow it truly, Neighbours,  
Let not that trouble ye before all these,  
Once more I give my Oath.  Di. 
Then set me higher,  
And pray ye come near me all.  Lop. 
We are ready for ye.  Mil. 
Now spur the Ass, and get our friend time.  Die. 
First then,  
After I have given my Body to the worms  
(For they must be served first, they are seldom cozened)  Lop. 
Remember your Parish, Neighbour.  Di. 
You speak truly,  
I do remember it, a lewd vile Parish,  
And pray it may be mended: To the Poor of it,  
(Which is to all the Parish) I give nothing,  
For nothing, unto nothing, is most natural,  
Yet leave as much space, as will build an Hospital,  
Their children may pray for me.  Bar. 
What do you give to it?  Die. 
Set down two thousand Ducats,  Bar. 
'Tis a good gift,  
And will be long remembered.  Die. 
To your worship,  
(Because you must take pains to see all finished)  
I give two thousand more, it may be three, Sir,  
A poor gratuity for your painstaking.  Bar. 
These are large sums;  Lop. 
Nothing to him that has 'em.  Die. 
To my old Master Vicar, I give five hundred,  
(Five hundred, and five hundred, are too few Sir)  
But there be more to serve.  Bar. 
This fellow coins sure.  Di. 
Give me some more drink. Pray ye buy Books, buy Books,  
You have a learned head, stuff it with Libraries,  
And understand 'em, when ye have done, 'tis Justice,  
Run not the Parish mad with Controversies,  
Nor preach not Abstinence to longing women,  
'Twill budge the bottoms of their consciences:  
I would give the Church new Organs, but I prophecie  
The Churchwardens would quickly pipe'em out o'th' Parish,  
Two hundred Ducats more to mend the chancel,  
And to paint true Orthography, as many,  
They write Sunt with a C, which is abominable,  
Pray you set that down, to poor maiden's marriages.  Lo. 
I that's well thought of, what's your will in that point?  
A meritorious thing.  Bar. 
No end of this will?  Di. 
I give per annum two hundred els of Lockram,  
That there be no straight dealings in their Linens,  
But the Sails cut according to their Burdens;  
To all Bell-Ringers, I bequeath new Ropes,  
And let them use 'em at their own discretions.  Ars 
You may remember us.  Di. 
I do, good Gentlemen,  
And I bequeath ye both good careful Surgeons  
A Legacy, you have need of, more than money,  
I know you want good Diets and good Lotions,  
And in your pleasures good take heed.  Lop. 
He raves now.  
But 'twill be quickly off,  Di. 
I do bequeath ye  
Commodities of pins: brown papers: pack-threads,  
roast pork & puddings: Gingerbread, & Jews-trumps,  
Of penny Pipes, and mouldy Pepper: take 'em,  
Take 'em even where you please, and be cozened with 'em,  
I should bequeath ye Executions also,  
But those I'll leave to th'Law.  Lop. 
Now he grows temperate.  Bar. 
You will give no more?  Di. 
I am loath to give more from ye,  
Because I know you will have a care to execute  
Only, to pious uses, Sir, a little.  Bar. 
If he be worth all these, I am made for ever,  Die. 
I give to fatal Dames, that spin men's threads out,  
And poor distressed Damsels, that are militant  
As members of our own Afflictions,  
A hundred Crowns to buy warm tubs to work in,  
I give five hundred pounds to buy a Churchyard,  
A spacious Church-yard, to lay Thieves and knaves in,  
Rich men, and honest men, take all the room up.  Lop. 
Are ye not weary?  Di. 
Never of well-doing.  Bar. 
These are mad Legacies.  Die. 
They were got as madly;  
My Sheep, and Oxen, and my movables,  
My Plate, and Jewels, and five hundred Acres;  
I have no heirs.  Bar. 
This cannot be, 'tis Monstrous.  Die. 
Three Ships at Sea too.  Bar. 
You have made me full Executor.  Di. 
Full, full, and total, would I had more to give ye  
But these may serve an honest mind.  Bar. 
Ye say true,  
A very honest mind, and make it rich too;  
Rich, wondrous rich, but where shall I raise these moneys,  
About your house? I see no such great promises;  
Where shall I find these sums?  Die. 
Even where you please Sir,  
You are wise and provident and know business  
e'en raise 'em where you shall think good, I am reasonable  Bar. 
Think good? will that raise thousands?  
What do you make me?  Di. 
You have sworn to see it done, that's all my comfort.  Bar. 
Where I please? this is packed sure to disgrace me.  Di. 
Ye are just and honest, and I know you will do it,  
e'en where you please, for you know where the wealth is.  Bar. 
I am abused, betrayed, I am laughed at, scorned,  
Baffled, and bore, it seems.  Ars. 
No, no, ye are fooled.  Lop. 
Most finely fooled, and handsomely, and neatly,  
Such cunning Masters must be fooled sometimes, Sir,  
And have their worships noses wiped, 'tis healthful,  
We are but quit: you fool us of our moneys  
In every Cause, in every Quiddit wipe us.  Di. 
Ha, ha, ha ha, some more drink, for my heart, Gentlemen,  
This merry Lawyer— ha, ha, ha, ha this Scholar—  
I think this fit will cure me: this Executor—  
I shall laugh out my Lungs.  Bar. 
This is derision above sufferance, villainy  
Plotted, and set against me.  Die. 
Faith 'tis knavery,  
In troth I must confess, thou art fooled indeed, Lawyer.  Mil. 
Did you think, had this man been rich—  Bar. 
'Tis well, Sir.  Mil. 
He would have chosen such a Wolf, a Cancer,  
A Maggot-pate, to be his whole Executor.  Lop. 
A Lawyer, that entangles all men's honesties,  
And lives like a Spider in a Cobweb lurking,  
And catching at all Flies, that pass his pitfalls?  
Puts powder to all States, to make 'em caper?  
Would he trust you?  Die. 
Do you deserve? I find, Gentlemen,  
This Cataplasm of a well cozened Lawyer  
Laid to my stomach lenifies my Fever,  
Methinks I could eat now and walk a little.  Bar. 
I am ashamed to feel how flat I am cheated,  
How grossly, and maliciously made a May-game,  
A damned Trick; my wife, my wife, some Rascal:  
My credit, and my wife, some lustful villain,  
Some Bawd, some Rogue,  Ars. 
Some crafty Fool has found ye:  
This 'tis Sir, to teach ye to be too busy,  
To covet all the gains, and all the rumours  
To have a stirring oar, in all men's actions.  Lop. 
We did this, but to vex your fine officiousness.  Bar. 
Good 'yield ye and god thank ye: I am fooled, gentlemen;  
The Lawyer is an Ass, I do confess it,  
A weak dull shallow Ass: good even to your worships:  
Vicar, remember Vicar, Rascal remember,  
Thou notable rich Rascal.  Die. 
I do remember, Sir,  
Pray ye stay a little, I have e'en two Legacies  
To make your mouth up, Sir.  Bar. 
Remember varlets,  
Quake & remember, Rogues; I have brine for your Buttocks. Ex.  Lop. 
Oh how he frets, and fumes now like a dunghill.  Di. 
His gall contains fine stuff now to make poisons,  
Rare damned stuff.  Ars. 
Let's after him, and still vex him,  
And take my Friend off: by this time he has prospered,  
He cannot lose this dear time: 'tis impossible.  Mil. 
Well Diego, thou hast done.  Lop. 
Hast done it daintily.  Mil. 
And shalt be as well paid, Boy—  Ars. 
Go, let's crucify him. Exeunt.   

Scaena Sexta  Enter Amaranta, Leandro. Lea. 
I have told ye all my story, and how desperately.  Am. 
I do believe: let's walk on, time is precious,  
Not to be spent in words, here no more wooing,  
The open air's an enemy to Lovers, Pewter ready for noise.  
Do as I tell ye.  Lea. 
I'll do any thing,  
I am so overjoyed, I'll fly to serve ye.  Am. 
Take your joy moderately, as it is ministered,  
And as the cause invites: that man's a fool  
That at the sight o'th' Bond, dances and leaps,  
Then is the true joy, when the money comes.  Lea. 
You cannot now deny me.  Am. 
Nay, you know not,  
Women have crotchets, and strange fits.  Lea. 
You shall not.  Am. 
Hold ye to that and swear it confidently,  
Than I shall make a scruple to deny ye:  
Pray ye let's step in, and see a friend of mine,  
The weather's sharp: we'll stay but half an hour,  
We may be missed else: a private fine house 'tis, Sir,  
And we may find many good welcomes.  Lea. 
Do Lady,  
Do happy Lady.  Am. 
All your mind's of doing,  
You must be modester.  Lea. 
I will be any thing.— Exeunt.   

Scaena Septima.  Enter Bartolus. Bar. 
Open the doors, and give me room to chafe in  
Mine own room, and my liberty: why Maid there,  
Open, I say, and do not anger me,  
I am subject to much fury: when ye dishclout?  
When do ye come? asleep, ye lazy hellhound?  
Nothing intended, but your ease, and eating?  
nobody here? why wife, why wife? why jewel?  
No tongue to answer me? prithee (good Pupil)  
Dispense a little with thy careful study,  
And step to th' door, and let me in; nor he neither?  
Ha! not at's study? nor asleep? nor nobody?  
I'll make ye hear: the house of Ignorance,  
No sound inhabits here: I have a key yet  
That commands all: I fear I am metamorphized.  Enter Lopez, Arsenio, Milanes, Diego. Lop. 
He keeps his fury still, and may do mischief.  Mil. 
He shallbe hanged first, we'll be sticklers there, boys  Di. 
The hundred thousand Dreams now, that possess him  
Of jealousy, and of revenge, and frailty  
Of drawing Bills against us, and Petitions.  Lop. 
And casting what his credit shall recover.  Mil. 
Let him cast till his Maw come up, we care not.  
You shall be still secured. A great noise within.  Die. 
We'll pay him home then;  
Hark what a noise he keeps within?  Lop. 
Certain  
H'as set his Chimneys o' fire, or the devil roars there.  Di. 
The codexes o'th' Law are broke loose, Gentlemen.  Ars. 
He's fighting sure,  Di 
I'll tell ye that immediately— Exit.  Mil. 
Or doing some strange outrage on himself.  Ars. 
Hang him, he dares not be so valiant.  Enter Diego. Di. 
There's nobody at home and he chafes like a Lion,  
And stinks withal. Noise still.  Lop. 
nobody?  Di. 
Not a creature,  
Nothing within, but he and his Law-tempest,  
The Ladies, dishes, kettles, how they fly all?  
And how the Glasses through the Rooms?  Enter Bartolus. Ars. 
My friend sure  
Has got her out and now he has made an end on't.  Lop. 
See where the Sea comes? how it foams, & brussels?  
The great Leviathan o'th' Law, how it tumbles?  Bar. 
Made every way an Ass? abused on all sides?  
And from all quarters, people come to laugh at me?  
Rise like a Comet, to be wondered at?  
A horrid Comet, for Boys tongues, and Ballads?  
I will run from my wits.  Enter Amaranta, Leandro. Ars. 
Do, do, (good Lawyer)  
And from thy money too, than thou wilt be quiet.  Mil. 
Here she comes home: now mark the salutations;  
How like an Ass my friend goes?  Ars. 
She has pulled his ears down.  Bar. 
Now, what sweet voyage? to what Garden, Lady?  
Or to what cousin's house?  Am. 
Is this my welcome?  
I cannot go to Church but thus I am scandaled,  
Use no devotion for my soul, but Gentlemen—  Bar. 
To Church?  Am. 
Yes, and ye keep sweet youths to wait upon me,  
Sweet bred-up youths, to be a credit to me.  
There's your delight again, pray take him to ye,  
However comes near me more to debase me.  Ba. 
How's this? how's this? good wife, how has he wronged ye?  Am. 
I was fain to drive him like a sheep before me,  
I blush to think how people fleer, and scorned me,  
Others have handsome men, that know behaviour,  
Place, and observance: this silly thing knows nothing,  
Cannot tell ten; Let every Rascal justle me,  
And still I pushed him on as he had been coming.  Bar. 
Ha! did ye push him on? is he so stupid?  Am. 
When others were attentive to the Priest,  
Good devout Gentleman, then fell he fast  
Fast, sound asleep: then first began the Bagpipes  
The several stops on's nose, made a rare music,  
A rare and loud, and those played many an Anthem  
Put out of that, he fell straight into dreaming.  Ars. 
As cunning, as she is sweet; I like this carriage.  Bar. 
What did he then?  Am. 
Why then he talked in his Sleep too,  
Nay I'll divulge your moral virtues (sheeps-face)  
And talked aloud, that every ear was fixed to him:  
Did not I suffer (do you think) in this time?  
Talk of your bawling Law, of appellations  
Of Declarations, and Excommunications:  
Warrants, and Executions: and such devils  
That drove all the Gentlemen out o'th' Church, by hurries  
With execrable oaths, they would never come there again  
Thus am I served, and maned.  Lea. 
I pray ye forgive me,  
I must confess I am not fit to wait upon ye:  
Alas, I was brought up—  Am. 
To be an Ass,  
A lawyer's Ass, to carry Books, and Buckrams.  Bar. 
But what did you at Church?  Lop. 
At Church, did ye ask her?  
Do you hear gentlemen, do you mark that question?  
Because you are half an heretic yourself, Sir,  
Would ye breed her too? this shall to the Inquisition,  
A pious Gentlewoman, reproved for praying?  
I'll see this filed, and you shall hear further, Sir.  Ars. 
Ye have an ill heart.  Lop. 
It shall be found out Gentlemen,  
There be those youths will search it.  Die. 
You are warm signior,  
But a Faggot will warm ye better: we are witnesses.  Lop. 
Enough to hang him, do not doubt.  Mil. 
Nay certain,  
I do believe has rather no Religion.  Lop. 
That must be known too, because she goes to Church, sir?  
O monstrum informe ingens!  Die. 
Let him go on, sir,  
His wealth will build a Nunnery, a fair one,  
And this good Lady, when he is hanged, and rotten,  
May there be Abbess.  Bar. 
You are cozened, honest Gentlemen,  
I do not forbid the use, but the form, mark me.  Lop. 
Form? what do ye make of Form?  Bar. 
They will undo me,  
Swear, as I oft have done, and so betray me;  
I must make fair way, and hereafter, Wife,  
You are welcome home, & henceforth take your pleasure,  
Go, when ye shall think fit, I will not hinder ye,  
My eyes are open now, and I see my error,  
My shame as great as that, but I must hide it.  
The whole conveyance now I smell, but Basta,  
Another time must serve: you see us friends, now  
Heartily friends and no more chiding (gentlemen)  
I have been too foolish, I confess, no more words,  
No more (sweet wife.)  Am. 
You know my easy nature  Bar. 
Go get ye in: you see she has been angry:  
Forbear her sight a while and time will pacify.  
And learn to be more bold.  Lea. 
I would I could,  
I will do all I am able. Exit.  Bar. 
Do Leandro,  
We will not part, but friends of all hands.  Lop. 
Well said,  
Now ye are reasonable, we can look on ye,  Bar. 
Ye have jerked me: but for all that I forgive ye  
Forgive ye heartily, and do invite ye  
Tomorrow to a Breakfast, I make but seldom  
But now we will be merry.  Ars. 
Now ye are friendly,  
Your doggedness and niggardise flung from ye.  
And now we will come to ye  Bar. 
Give me your hands, all;  
You shall be welcome heartily.  Lop. 
We will be,  
For we'll eat hard  Bar. 
The harder, the more welcome,  
And till the morning farewell; I have business. Exit.  Mil. 
Farewell good bountiful Bartolus 'tis a brave wench  
A sudden witty Thief, and worth all service:  
Go we'll all go, and crucify the Lawyer,  Die. 
I'll clap four tire of teeth into my mouth more  
But I will grind his substance.  Ars. 
Well Leandro,  
Thou hast had a strange voyage, but I hope  
Thou rid'st now in safe harbour,  Mil. 
Let's go drink, Friends,  
And laugh aloud at all our merry may-games  Lop. 
A match, a match 'twill whet our stomachs better.  Exeunt.   

Actus Quintus.  

Scaena Prima.  Enter Violante and Servant. Ser. 
Madam he's come. Chair and stools out.  Viol. 
'Tis well how did he look,  
When he knew from whom you were sent? was he not startled?  
Or confident? or fearful?  Ser. 
As appeared  
Like one that knew his fortune at the worst,  
And cared not what could follow.  Viol. 
'Tis the better  
Reach me a Chair: So bring him in, be careful  
That none disturb us: I will try his temper,  
And if I find him apt for my employments,  Enter jamy, Servant. 
I'll work him to my ends, if not I shall  
Find other Engines.  Ser. 
there's my Lady,  Viol. 
Leave us  Iam. 
You sent for me?  Viol. 
I did, and does the favour,  
Your present state considered, and my power,  
Deserve no greater Ceremony?  Iam. 
Ceremony?  
I use to pay that, where I do owe duty,  
Not to my Brother's wife: I cannot fawn,  
If you expect it from me, you are cozened,  
And so farewell.  Viol. 
He bears up still; I like it,  
Pray you a word  Iam. 
Yes: I will give you hearing  
On equal terms, and sit by you as a friend,  
But not stand as a suitor: Now your pleasure?  Viol. 
You are very bold.  Iam. 
'Tis fit: since you are proud  
I was not made to feed that foolish humour,  
With flattery and observance  Viol. 
Yet, with your favour,  
A little form joined with respect to her,  
That can add to your wants, or free you from 'em  
(Nay raise you to a fate, beyond your hopes) A Table ready covered with Cloth Napkins Salt Trenchers and Bread.  
Might well become your wisdom,  Iam. 
It would rather  
Write me a Fool, should I but only think  
That any good to me, could flow from you,  
Whom for so many years: I have found and proved  
My greatest Enemy: I am still the same  
My wants have not transformed me: I dare tell you,  
To your new cerviz'd face, what I have spoken  
Freely behind your back, what I think of you,  
You are the proudest thing, and have the least,  
Reason to be so, that I ever read of  
In stature you are a Giantess: and your Tailor  
Takes measure of you, with a jacob's staff,  
Or he can never reach you, this by the way  
For your large size: Now, in a word, or two  
To treat of your Complexion were decorum:  
You are so far from fair, I doubt your Mother  
Was too familiar with the moor, that served her,  
Your Limbs and Features, I pass briefly over,  
As things not worth description; and come roundly  
To your soul, if you have any: for 'tis doubtful  Viol. 
I laugh at this, proceed  Iam. 
This Soul, I speak of  
Or rather salt to keep this heap of flesh,  
From being a walking stench, like a large Inn,  
Stands open for the entertainment of  
All impious practises: but there's no Corner  
An honest thought can take up: and as it were not  
Sufficient in yourself to comprehend  
All wicked plots, you have taught the Fool, my Brother  
By your contagion, almost to put off  
The nature of the man, and turned him Devil  
Because he should be like you, and I hope  
Will march to hell together: I have spoken,  
And if the limming you, in your true Colours  
Can make the Painter gracious, I stand ready  
For my reward, or if my words distaste you  
I weigh it not, for though your Grooms were ready  
To cut my throat for't, be assured I cannot  
Use other Language  Viol. 
You think you have said now,  
Like a brave fellow: in this Woman's War  
You ever have been trained: spoke big: but suffered  
Like a tame Ass; and when most spurred and galled  
Were never Master of the Spleen or Spirit,  
That could raise up the anger of a man,  
And force it into action,  Iam. 
Yes vile Creature  
Were't thou a subject worthy of my Sword,  
Or that thy death, this moment, could call home,  
My banished hopes, thou now were't dead: dead (woman)  
But being as thou art, it is sufficient  
I scorn thee, and contemn thee  Viol. 
This shows nobly:  
I must confess it: I am taken with it  
For had you kneeled, and whined and showed a base  
And low dejected mind, I had despised you  
This Bravery (in your adverse fortune) conquers  
And does command me, and upon the sudden  
I feel a kind of pity, growing in me,  
For your misfortunes, pity some says the Parent,  
Of future love, and I repent my part,  
So far in what you have suffered, that I could,  
(But you are cold) do something to repair  
What your base Brother (such Iami I think him)  
Hath brought to ruin  Iam. 
Ha?  Viol. 
Be not amazed,  
Our injuries are equal in his Bastard  
You are familiar with what I groan for  
And though the name of Husband holds a tie  
Beyond a Brother, ay, a poor weak Woman,  
Am sensible, and tender of a wrong,  
And to revenge it, would break through all lets,  
That durst oppose me.  Iam. 
Is it possible?  Viol. 
By this kiss: start not: thus much, as a stranger  
You may take from me; But, if you were pleased,  
I should select you, as a bosom Friend,  
I would print 'em, thus, and thus,  Iam. 
Keep off.  Viol. 
Come near,  
near into the Cabinet of my Counsels:  
Simplicity and patience dwell with Fools,  
And let them bear those burdens, which wise men  
Boldly shake off; Be mine and join with me,  
And when that I have raised you to a fortune,  
(Do not deny yourself the happy means)  
You'll look on me, with more judicious eyes  
And swear I am most fair,  Iam. 
What would this Woman?  
The purpose of these words? speak not in riddles  
And when I understand what you would counsel,  
My answer shall be sudden,  Viol. 
Thus then jami,  
The objects of our fury, are the same,  
For young Ascanio, whom you snake like hugged  
(Frozen with wants to death) in your warm bosom,  
Lives to supplant you in your certain hopes,  
And kills in me all comfort.  Iam. 
Now 'tis plain,  
I apprehend you: and were he removed—  Viol. 
You, once again were the undoubted heir.  Iam. 
'Tis not to be denied; I was ice before,  
But now ye have fired me,—  Viol. 
I'll add fuel to it,  
And by a nearer cut, do you but steer  
As I direct you bring our Bark into  
The Port of happiness,  Iam. 
How?  Viol. 
By Henriques death:  
But you'll say he's your Brother; in great fortunes  
(Which are epitomes of States & Kingdoms) Dishes covered with papers in each ready.  
The politic brook no Rivals.  Iam. 
Excellent.  
For sure I think out of a scrupulous fear,  
To feed in expectation when I may  
(Dispensing but a little with my conscience)  
Come into full possession, would not argue  
One that desired to thrive,  Viol. 
Now you speak like  
A man that knows the World.  Jam. 
I needs must learn  
That have so good a tutoress: And what think you,  
(Don Henrique and Ascanio cut off)  
That none may live, that shall desire to trace us  
In our black paths, if that Octavio  
His foster Father 'and the sad jacinta,  
(Faith pity her, and free her from her Sorrows)  
Should fall Companions with 'em? When we are red  
With murder, let us often bathe in blood,  
The colour will be scarlet.  Viol. 
And that's glorious,  
And will protect the fact  Jam. 
Suppose this done:  
(If undiscovered) we may get for money,  
(As that you know buys any thing in Rome)  
A dispensation  Viol. 
And be married?  Jam. 
True.  
Or if it be known, truss up our Gold and Jewels,  
And fly to some free State, and there with scorn—  Viol. 
Laugh at the laws of Spain.  
'Twere admirable.  Iam. 
We shall beget rare Children. I am raped with  
The mere imagination—  Viol. 
Shall it be done?  Iam. 
Shall? 'tis too tedious: furnish me with means  
To hire the instruments, and to yourself,  
Say it is done already: I will show you,  
'Ere the Sun set, how much you have wrought upon me,  
Your province is only to use some means,  
To send my Brother, to the Grove that's neighbour,  
To the west Port of th' City; leave the rest,  
To my own practice; I have talked too long:  
But now will do: this kiss, with my Confession,  
To work a fell revenge: A man's a fool,  
If not instructed in a Woman's School. Exeunt.   

Scaena Secunda.  Enter Bartolus Algazeirs and a Paratour. The Table set out and stools. Bar. 
You are well enough disguised, furnish the Table,  
Make no show, what ye are, till I discover  
Not a soul knows ye here: be quick and diligent,  
These youths, I have invited to a Breakfast,  
But what the Sauce will be, I am of opinion  
I shall take off the edges of their Appetites,  
And grease their gums, for eating heartily;  
This month or two they have played their prizes with me  
And with their several flurts they have lighted dangerously  
But sure I shall be quit: I hear 'em coming  
Go off, and wait the bringing in your service,  
And do it handsomely: you know where to have it  Enter Millanes, Arsenio, Lopez, Diego. 
Wellcome i'Faith,  Ars. 
That's well said, honest Lawyer,  Lop. 
Said like a Neighbour  Bar. 
Wellcome all: all over  
And let's be merry:  Mil. 
To that end we came Sir,  
An hour of freedom's worth an age of jugglings,  Die. 
I am come too Sir, to specify my Stomach  
A poor retainer to your worship's bounty,  Bar. 
And thou shalt have it filled, my merry Diego,  
My liberal, and my bonny bounteous Diego  
Even filed till it groan again  Di. 
Let it have fair play,  
And if it founder then—  
I'll tell ye neighbours,  
Though I were angry yesterday, with ye all,  
And very angry for methought ye bobbed me.  Lop. 
No, no, by no means.  Bar. 
No, when I considered  
It was a jest, and carried off so quaintly  
It made me merry: very merry, Gentlemen,  
I do confess I could not sleep to think on't  
The mirth so tickled me, I could not slumber,  Lop, 
Good mirth does work so: honest mirth,  
Now, should we have meant in earnest—  Bar. 
You say true Neighbour,  Lop. 
It might have bred such a distaste and sourness,  
Such fond imaginations in your Brains, Sir  
For things thrust home in earnest—  Bar. 
Very certain  
But I know ye all for merry wags, and ere long  
You shall know me too. in another fashion  
Though you're pampered ye shall bear part o'th' burden.  Enter Amaranta and Leandro. 
Come Wife; Come bid 'em welcome; Come my Jewel:  
And Pupil, you shall come too; ne'er hang backward,  
Come, come the woman's pleased, her anger's over,  
Come, be not bashful,  Am. 
What does he prepare here?  
Sure there's no meat i'th' house at least none dressed,  
does he mean to mock 'em? or some new bred Crotchet  
Come o'er his brains; I do not like his kindness?  
But silence best becomes me: if he mean foul play  
Sure they are enough to right themselves and let 'em,  
I'll sit by, so they beat him not to powder,  Bar. 
Bring in the meat there, ha? Sit down dear Neighbour  
A little meat needs little Compliment,  
Sit down I say:  Am. 
What do you mean by this Sir?  Bar. 
Convey away their weapons handsomely,  Am. 
You know there's none i'th' house to answer ye,  
But the poor Girl; you know there's no meat neither  Bar. 
Peace and be quiet; I shall make you smoke else  
there's men and Meat enough, set it down formally  Enter Algazeirs with dishes. Am. 
I fear some lewd trick, yet I dare not speak on't  Bar. 
I have no dainties for ye Gentlemen,  
Nor loads of meat, to make the room smell of'em  
Only a dish to every man I have dedicated,  
And if I have pleased his appetite,  Lop. 
O, a Capon,  
A Bird of grace, and be thy will, I honour it  Di. 
For me some forty pound of lovely beef,  
Placed in a mediterranean sea of Brewisse  Bar. 
Fall to, fall to that we may drink and laugh after  
Wait diligently knaves,  Mil. 
What rare bits this?  
An execution, bless me!  Bar. 
Nay take it to ye  
there's no avoiding it 'tis somewhat tough Sir,  
But a good stomach will endure it easily  
The sum is, but a thousand ducats Sir,  Ars. 
A Capias from my Surgeon, and my Silk man,  Bar. 
Your careful makers, but they have marred your diet  
Stir not, your Swords are gone: there's no avoiding me  
And these are Algazeir's, do you hear that passing bell?  Lop. 
A strong Citation, bless me!  Bar. 
Out with your Beads, Curate,  
The devils in your dish: bell, book, and Candle,  Lop. 
A warrant to appear before the Judges?  
I must needs rise, and turn toth' wall.  Bar. 
Ye need not,  
Your fear I hope will make ye find your Breeches,  All. 
We are betrayed  Bar. 
Invited, do not wrong me,  
Fall to, good Guests, you have diligent men about ye,  
Ye shall want nothing, that may persecute ye  
These will not see ye start; Have I now found ye  
Have I requited ye? You fooled the Lawyer,  
And thought it meritorious, to abuse him,  
A thick ram headed knave: you rid, you spurred him,  
And glorified your wits, the more ye wronged him;  
Within this hour, ye shall have all your Creditors,  
A second dish of new debts, come upon ye,  
And new invitements to the whip (Don Diego)  
And Excommunications for the Learned Curate,  
A Masque of all your furies shall dance to ye,  Ars. 
You dare not use us thus?  Bar. 
You shall be bobbed (Gentlemen)  
Stir, and as I have a life, ye go to prison  
To prison, without pity instantly  
Before ye speak another word to prison.  
I have a better Guard, without, that waits;  
Do you see this man, Don Curate? 'tis a Paratour  
That comes to tell ye a delightful story.  
Of an old whore, ye have and then to teach ye  
What is the penalty; Laugh at me now Sir,  
What Legacy would ye bequeath me now,  
(And pay it on the nail?) to fly my fury?  Lop. 
O gentle Sir,  Bar. 
Dost thou hope I will be gentle,  
Thou foolish unconsiderate Curate?  Lop. 
Let me go Sir,  Bar. 
I'll see thee hang first.  Lop. 
And as I am a true Vicar,  
Hark in your ear, hark softly—  Bar. 
No, no bribery.  
I'll have my swinge upon thee; Sirrah? Rascal?  
You lenten Chaps, you that lay sick, and mocked me,  
Mocked me, abominably; abused me lewdly  
I'll make thee sick at heart, before I leave thee,  
And groan, and die indeed, and be worth nothing  
Not worth a blessing, nor a Bell to knell for thee,  
A sheet to cover thee, but that thou stealest,  
Stealest from the Merchant, and the Ring he was buried with  
Stealest from his Grave, do you smell me now?  Die. 
Have mercy on me!  Bar. 
No Psalm of mercy shall hold me from hanging thee  
How do ye like your Breakfast? 'tis but short, Gentlemen  
But sweet and healthful; Your punishment, and yours, Sir  
For some near reasons, that concerns my Credit,  
I will take to myself.  Am. 
Do Sir, and spare not  
I have been too good a wife, and too obedient,  
But since ye dare provoke me to be foolish—  Lea. 
She has, yes, and too worthy of your usage,  
Before the world, I justify her goodness,  
And turn that man, that dares but taint her virtues,  
To my sword's point; that lying man, that base man,  
Turn him, but face to face, that I may know him  Bar. 
What have I here?  Lea. 
A Gentleman, a free man,  
One that made trial of this lady's constancy,  
And found it strong as fate; Leave off your fooling,  
For if you follow this course, you will be Chronicled  Enter jamy and Assistant. 
For a devil, whilst a Saint she is mentioned,  
You know my name indeed; I am now no Lawyer.  
Some comfort now, I hope, or else would I were hanged up  Die. 
And yet the Judge, he makes me sweat.  Bar. 
What news now?  Iam. 
I will justify upon my life, and Credit  
What you have heard, for truth, and will make proof of  Assist. 
I will be ready at the appointed hour there,  
And so I leave ye.  Bar. 
Stay I beseech your worship,  
And do but hear me,  Iam. 
Good Sir, intend this business,  
And let this bawling Fool; No more words Lawyer,  
And no more angers, for I guess your reasons,  
This Gentleman, I'll justify in all places,  
And that fair lady's worth; Let who dare cross it,  
The Plot was cast by me, to make thee jealous,  
But not to wrong your wife, she is fair and virtuous,  Die. 
Take us to mercy too, we beseech your honour,  
We shall be justified the way of all flesh else,  Iam. 
No more talk, nor no more dissension Lawyer,  
I know your anger, 'tis a vain and slight one,  
For if you do; I'll lay your whole life open  
A life that all the world shall I'll bring witness,  
And rip before a Judge the ulcerous villainies  
You know I know ye, and I can bring witness.  Bar. 
Nay good Sir, noble Sir.  Iam. 
Be at peace then presently,  
Immediately take honest and fair truce  
With your good Wife, and shake hands with that Gentleman;  
Has honoured ye too much, and do it cheerfully,  Lop. 
Take us along, for heaven sake too.  Bar. 
I am Friends,  
There is no remedy, I must put up all,  
And like my neighbours rub it out byth' shoulders,  
And perfect friends; Leandro now I thank ye,  
And there's my hand, I have no more grudge to ye,  
But I am too mean henceforward for your Company,  Lea. 
I shall not trouble ye,  Ars. 
We will be friends too:  Mil. 
Nay Lawyer, you shall not fright us farther,  
For all your devils we will bolt,  Bar. 
I grant ye.  
The Gentleman's your Bail and thank his coming,  
Did not he know me too well, you should smart for't;  
Go all in peace, but when ye Fool next, Gentlemen,  
Come not to me to Breakfast.  Die. 
I'll be baked first.  Bar. 
And pray ye remember, when ye are bold & merry,  
The lawyer's Banquet, and the Sauce he gave ye,  Iam. 
Come: go along; I have employment for ye,  
Employment for your lewd brains too, to cool ye.  
For all, for every one.  All. 
We are all your Servants.  Die. 
All, all for any thing, from this day forward,  
I'll hate all Breakfasts, and depend on dinners  Iam. 
I am glad you come off fair  Lea. 
The fair has blessed me.  Exeunt.  

Scena Tertia.  Enter Octavio, jacinta, Ascanio. Oct. 
This is the place, but why we are appointed  
By Don jami to stay here, is a depth  
I cannot sound,  Asc. 
believe't he is too noble,  
To purpose any thing but for our good  
Had I assurance of a thousand Lives,  
And with them perpetuity of pleasure,  
And should lose all, if he proved only false,  
Yet I durst run the hazard,  Iac. 
'Tis our comfort,  
We cannot be more wretched than we are,  
And death concludes all misery,  Oct. 
Undiscovered  Enter Henrique, Iami. 
We must attend him  Asc. 
Our stay is not long  
With him Don Henrique?  Iac. 
Now I fear;  
Be silent.  Hen. 
Why dost thou follow me?  Iam. 
To save your life,  
A plot is laid for't, all my wrongs forgot,  
I have a Brother's Love,  Hen. 
But thy false self,  
I fear no enemy.  Iam. 
You have no Friend,  
But what breathes in me: If you move a step  
Beyond this ground you tread on: you are lost.  Hen. 
'Tis by thy practice then: I am sent hither  
To meet her, that prefers my life, and safety  
Before her own.  Iam. 
That you should be abused thus  
With weak credulity: She for whose sake,  
You have forgot we had one noble Father,  
Or that one Mother bore us, for whose love,  
You break a contract, to which heaven was witness,  
To satisfy whose pride, and wilful humour,  
You have exposed a sweet, and hopeful Son,  
To all the miseries, that want can bring him,  
And such a Son, though you are most obdurate,  
To give whom entertainment Savages  
Would quit their Caves themselves, to keep him from  
Bleak cold, and hunger: This dissembling Woman,  
This Idol, whom you worship: all your love  
And service trod under her feet, designs you  
To fill a grave or dead, to lie a prey,  
For Wolves, and vultures.  Hen. 
'Tis false; I defy thee,  
And stand upon my Guard  Enter Leandro Millanes, Arsenio, Bart. Lopez, Deigo, Octavio jacinta Ascanio and Servants. Iam. 
Alas, 'tis weak:  
Come on, since you will teach me to be cruel,  
By having no faith, in me, take your fortune,  
Bring the rest forth, and bind them fast.  Oct. 
My Lord.  Asc. 
In what have we offended?  Iam. 
I am deaf,  
And following my will, I do not stand  
Accountable to reason: See her Ring  
(The first pledge of your love, and service to her)  
Delivered as a Warrant for your death:  
These Bags of gold you gave up to her trust,  
(The use of which, you did deny yourself)  
Bestowed on me, and with a prodigal hand,  
Whom she picked forth to be the Architect  
Of her most bloody building; and to Fee  
These Instruments, to bring Materials  
To raise it up, she bade me spare no cost,  
And (as a surplusage) offered herself  
To be at my devotion.  Henr. 
O accursed!  Iam. 
But be incredulous still; think this my plot;  
Fashion excuses to yourself, and swear  
That she is innocent, that she dotes on ye;  
Believe this, as a fearful Dream, and that  
You I'll not at my mercy, which in this  
I will show only: She herself shall give  
The dreadful Sentence, to remove all scruple  
Who 'tis that sends you to the other world.  Enter Violante. 
Appears my Violante? speak (my dearest)  
does not the object please you?  Viol. 
More than if  
All Treasure that's above the earth, with that,  
That lies concealed in both the Indian Mines,  
Were laid down at my feet: O bold jamy  
Thou only canst deserve me.  Iam. 
I am forward,  
And (as you easily may perceive,) I sleep not  
On your commands.  Enter Assistant and Officers. Viol. 
But yet they live: I looked  
To find them dead.  Iam. 
That was deferred, that you  
Might triumph in their misery, and have the power  
To say they are not,  Viol. 
'Twas well thought upon:  
This kiss, and all the pleasures of my Bed  
This night, shall thank thee.  Hen. 
Monster!  Viol. 
You Sir, that  
Would have me mother Bastards, being unable  
To honour me with one Child of mine own,  
That underneath my Roof, kept your cast-Strumpet,  
And out of my Revenues, would maintain  
Her riotous issue: Now you find what 'tis  
To tempt a woman: with as little feeling  
As I turn off a slave, that is unfit  
To do me service; or a horse, or dog  
That have outlived their use, I shake thee off,  
To make thy peace with heaven.  Hen. 
I do deserve this,  
And never truly felt before, what sorrow  
Attends on wilful dotage.  Viol. 
For you, Mistress,  
That had the pleasure of his youth before me,  
And triumphed in the fruit, that you had by him,  
But that I think, to have the Bastard strangled  
Before thy face, and thou with speed to follow  
The way he leads thee, is sufficient torture,  
I would cut off thy nose, put out thine eyes,  
And set my foot on these bewitching lips,  
That had the start of mine: but as thou art,  
Go to the grave unpitied.  Assist. 
Who would believe  
Such rage could be in woman?  Viol., 
For this Fellow,  
He is not worth my knowledge.  Iam. 
Let him live then,  
Since you esteem him innocent.  Viol. 
No, jamy,  
He shall make up the mess: now strike together  
And let them fall so.  Assist. 
Unheard of cruelty  
I can endure no longer: seize on her.  Viol. 
Am I betrayed?  
Is this thy faith, jamy?  Iam. 
Could your desires  
Challenge performance of a deed so horrid?  
Or, though that you had sold yourself to hell,  
I should make up the bargain? Live (dear Brother)  
Live long, and happy: I forgive you freely;  
To have done you this service, is to me  
A fair Inheritance: And howe'er harsh language  
(Called on, by your rough usage) passed my lips,  
In my heart, I ever loved you: All my labours  
Were but to show, how much your love was cozened,  
When it beheld itself in this false Glass,  
That did abuse you; and I am so far  
From envying young Ascanio his good fortune,  
That if your State were mine, I would adopt him.  
These are the Murderers my noble Friends,  
Which (to make trial of her bloody purpose)  
I won, to come disguised thus.  Hen. 
I am too full  
Of grief, and shame to speak: but what I'll do,  
Shall to the world proclaim my penitence;  
And howsoever I have lived, I'll die  
A much changed man.  Iam. 
Were it but possible  
You could make satisfaction to this woman,  
Our joys were perfect.  Hen. 
That's my only comfort,  
That it is in my power: I ne'er was married  
To this bad woman, though I doted on her,  
But daily did defer it still expecting  
When grief would kill jacintha.  Assist. 
All is come out,  
And finds a fair success: take her Don Henrique,  
And once again embrace your Son.  Hen. 
Most gladly.  Assist. 
Your Brother hath deserved well.  Hen. 
And shall share  
The moiety of my State,  Assist. 
I have heard, Advocate,  
What an ill Instrument you have been to him,  
From this time strengthen him, with honest counsels,  
As you'll deserve my pardon.  Bar. 
I'll change my Copy:  
But I am punished, for I fear I have had  
A smart blow, though unseen.  Assist. 
Curate, and Sexton,  
I have heard of you too, let me hear no more,  
And what's past, is forgotten; For this woman,  
Though her intent were bloody, yet our Law  
Calls it not death: yet that her punishment  
May deter others from such bad attempts,  
The Dowry she brought with her shall be employed  
To build a Nunnery, where she shall spend  
The remnant of her life.  Viol. 
Since I have missed my ends,  
I scorn what can fall on me.  Assist. 
The strict discipline  
Of the Church, will teach you better thoughts. And Signiors.  
You that are Bachelors, if you ever marry,  
In Bartolus, you may behold the issue  
Of Covetousness, and Jealousy; And of dotage,  
And falsehood in Don Henrique keep a mean then;  
For be assured that weak man meets all ill,  
That gives himself up to a woman's will. Exeunt.     

Prologue.  
TO tell ye (Gentlemen,) we have a Play,  
A new one too, and that 'tis launched today,  
The Name ye know, that's nothing to my Story;  
To tell ye, 'tis familiar, void of Glory;  
Of State, of Bitterness: of wit you'll say,  
For that is now held wit, that tends that way,  
Which we avoid: To tell ye to 'tis merry,  
And meant to make ye pleasant, and not weary:  
The Stream that guides ye, easy to attend:  
To tell ye that 'tis good, is to no end,  
If you believe not. Nay, to go thus far,  
To swear it, if you swear against, is war  
To assure you any thing, unless you see,  
And so conceive, is vanity in me;  
Therefore I leave it to itself, and pray  
Like a good Bark, it may work out today,  
And stem all doubts; 'twas built for such a proof,  
And we hope highly: if she lie aloof  
For her own vantage, to give wind at will,  
Why let her work, only be you but still,  
And sweet opinioned, and we are bound to say,  
You are worthy Judges, and you crown the Play.   

Epilogue.  
THe Play is done, yet our Suit never ends,  
Still when you part, you would still part our friends,  
Our noblest friends; if aught have fall'n amiss,  
O let it be sufficient, that it is,  
And you have pardoned it. In Buildings great  
All the whole Body, cannot be so neat,  
But something may be mended; Those are fair,  
And worthy love, that may destroy, but spare.  
FINIS.