THE REVENGE: OR, A MATCH IN NEWGATE. A COMEDY. As it was Acted at The Duke's Theatre.  
LONDON: Printed for W. Cademan, at the Pope's head in the New Exchange. 1680.   

Actor's Names.  

_____ 
Sir Lionel, Father to Marinda and Diana.  Mr. Smith, 
Wellman, In love with Marinda.  Mr. Williams, 
Friendly, His Friend, in love with Corina.  _____ 
Sir John Empty, Lover of Diana.  Mr. Bowman, 
Mr. Shatter, Lover of Diana.  Mr. Jevorn, 
Trickwell, A cheating Gamester.  Mr. Lee, 
Mr. Dashit, A Vintner.  Mr. Bright, 
Glisten, A Goldsmith.  Captain, 
Jervice, His man.  A Boy, 
Sam, Dashit's man,  Mumford, 
Jack, The Barber's man.  Mrs. Barry, 
Corina, The Whore.  Mrs. Butler, 
Marinda, Mistress to Wellman.  Mrs. Price, 
Diana, Loves Friendly.  Anybody, 
Ample, Their woman.  Mrs. A. Lee, 
Mrs. Dashit, Wife to Dashit.  Mrs. Norice, 
Mrs. Dunwell, A Bawd.  _____ 
Constable.  _____ 
watchmans. Boys, Fiddlers, watchmans     

ACT the First.  

SCENE the First.  A Street. Enter Sam with Torch, Dashit raving, followed by Mrs. Dashit. Mr. Dash. 
RUN, you Rogue, run, raise the Street, you Son of a careless Whore: Cry, Stop Thief, stop Thief!  Sam. 
Which way, Sir?  Mr. Dash. 
A Pox of ways: Sirrah, cry, Stop Thief, I say.  Sam. 
So we may stop honest men, Sir.  Mr. Dash. 
There's no such thing within the Walls of London, ye Rogue; there's nothing but Knaves, Cheats, Cuckolds and Traitors, Thiefs and Pickpockets, though I be one of the Livery. A Pox of Honesty, my Plates gone, the Reckoning unpaid, I'm cheated and undone! therefore run, ye Dog, run.  Mrs. Dash. 
Good sweet Husband, have patience.  Mr. Dash. 
Patience! yes, so you advised when I found the Alderman and your Ladyship in a civil posture on the red Couch in the Swan. Patience quotha! Pox of your Remedies. Get ye in, here's Company.  Enter Footman with Flambeau, followed by Friendly and Wellman. Well. 
When! how now, Mr. Dashit, what enraged in Rancour, and the Beauty of the London-bars, your Lady too, in Tears! What's amiss? unfold thy dismal story.  Mr. Dash. 
Only cheated, robbed, abused, and undone, Sir: that's all, that's all.  [Weeps. Well. 
As how, man! Come, advance thy comely Countenance, and do not let thy sorrowful Snout bedew thy reverend Jerkin. The reason, my hardly honest Dashit.  Mrs. Dash. 
Oh Sir, Mr. Trickwell that Knave is this night run away with our great Gallon-Tankard, six silver Boats, a great Salt, besides Spoons and Forks.  Mr. Dash. 
Oh, for some wise man that would but find 'em out presently!  Well. 
Yes, if a wise man could be found out presently.  
Friend. How was this Plate lost? how escaped he unseen with it?  Mr. Dash. 
Why, an't like ye, Sir, thus: As I understand, that man, man, quoth I? no, rather Monster, that t'other-end-of-the-Town-Villain, nay, I believe that Jesuit in disguise, sent from beyond Sea to ruin honest Citizens; I say, this Heathen Trickwell comes me into my house the evening with a great two-handed Gentlewoman, or some Priest in Petticoats; they call for a Room, pretend to send a Porter for some Ladies of delight, bespeak a Supper, but no Ladies came.  Mrs. Dash. 
My Cockie forgets to tell your Worships, that our house being full, we had no Room empty but the great Parlour below stairs.  Mr. Dash. 
Hold your peace, hold your peace, I say. Am I a Common-Council-man like to be of the City of London, and cannot tell my Tale myself? Get ye in, I say, and look to what's left.  Well. 
Well, Sir, on with your Relation.  Mr. Dash. 
Well, Sir, a noble Supper they had of the best in season; I came in, cried, Your servant, Gentlemen; asked 'em how they liked their Wine, and departed civilly: Then entered a blind Harper, cries, Do ye lack any Music, Sir? He cries, Play: The Harper uncases, the Drawer is nodded out, who obeys, believing he would be private with the Gentlewoman; and 'tis Sam's part, you know, Sir, to wink at things.  Well. 
Right and civil.  Mrs. Dash. 
Ay, ay, but he shall answer for that winking at the last day, I'll warrant him.  Mr. Dash. 
Well Sir, having eat the Supper, and Trickwell perceiving none in the room but the blind Harper, whose Eyes Heaven had shut up from beholding wickedness, opens the Casement to the street, very patiently packs and pockets up my Plate, unnaturally thrusts the woman out of the window, and himself most preposterously with his heels forwards follows. The Harper plays on, bids the empty Dishes much good may do 'em, and plays on still. The Drawer returns, cries, What d'ye lack, Gentlemen? but out, alas, the Birds were flown, Sir, flown. Laments are raised.  Well. 
Which did not pierce the Heavens.  Mr. Dash. 
Sam cries out; my Wife in the Bar hears the noise, and she bawled out; I heard her, and thundered; the Boys flew like Lightning, and all was in confusion.  Well. 
Well, this must be for some great sins committed; the sins of the Bar and Cellar, unmerciful Bills, and suffisticated Wine, my honest damned Vintner:— Repent, oh repent and mend, and be sound.  Mr. Dash. 
Well, I will hang that Rogue Trickwell, and there's an end on't: I'll do't; and so Good night to you, Gallants.  Exit Dashit and his Wife, as into their house. Well. 
Well, dear Jack, Good night: I have a Visit to make before I sleep, and will take my leave o' thee. A found Wench, soft Sleep, and pleasant Dreams, bless thee, my dear Friendly.  Friend. 
Not so, I'll see thee safe at home; I dare not leave ye to yourself so late; you are warm with Youth and Wine, which may direct you to the undoing of that body of yours which shortly must be blessed with chaste embraces. These common women will ruin thee, Frank; Faith leave 'em in good time: come, you shall not to a Bawdy-house, I hate 'em.  Well. 
I pray for their continuance and increase ere since I thought of Marriage.  Friend. 
Prithee why?  Well. 
A married man ought to love a Bawdy-house, as Englishmen love Flanders; wish war should be maintained there, lest it should be brought home to their own doors.  Friend. 
Thou art a worthy Lad, and brave; but this damned Lust has been thy constant daily vice, the only one thou'rt given to.  Well. 
Prithee call it a nightly one: But not to trifle with thee, Faith I am going the way of all flesh.  Friend. 
To a Whore?  Well. 
One thou callest so, a very Publican and sinner.  Friend. 
And canst thou, having such an Object before thy eyes as the fair, the chaste Mirinda, whom thou'rt to marry, give thyself up to the loose, the common arms of one who loves thee not but for her interest? Damn her, thou shalt not go. I hate, I nauseate a common Prostitute, who trades with all for gain; one that sells humane flesh, a Mangonist.  Well. 
Poor Devils, what would you have 'em do? wouldst thou have 'em get their living by the Curse of man, the Sweat of their Brows? Egad they dearly earn what we give 'em. Is Charity grown a sin, or relieving the Poor and Impotent, an offence? And Faith, Frank, where can we bestow our Money better? In Land the Title may be cracked, in Houses they may be burnt, in fine clothes they'll wear out, in Wine, alas, our Throats are but short, and our heads weak; but woman, oh dear lovely woman's the lasting true pleasure! Lay it out upon woman, I say, and a thousand to one, some one of them will bestow that on you that shall stick by you as long as you live: They are no ungrateful persons, they'll give Love for Love; do you protest, they'll swear; do you vow, they'll lie; do you sigh, they'll weep; do you give them English Coin, they'll repay you with the French— And they only sell their Bodies: Do not some of our Sex sell their Souls? nay, since all things have been sold, Honour, Justice, Faith, even Religion, pray where's the dishonour of selling the Pleasures of a woman's Bed? Who is't would live and toil, but for a woman? who fights, lies cold and hard in open field, but to gain Wreaths to lay at a woman's feet?  
And 'tis a truth can be denied of no man:  
All things were made for man, and man for woman.  
— Give me my Fee.  Friend. 
Well, Sir, I see you are resolved, and I can only boast I love Diana better than you do her Sister Marinda.  Well. 
Come, wilt thou go with me?  Friend. 
Whither?  Well. 
To this house of Salvation.  Friend. 
Salvation!  Well. 
Yes, 'twill make thee repent. Prithee go to the Family of Love, I'll show thee my Creature, my Natural, my Mistress, my pretty blue-eyed Wanton, my honest fond self-hearted Flatterer, my fair-faced, sweet lipped Rogue, that has Beauty enough for her Virtue, Virtue enough for a Woman, and Woman enough for any reasonable man, in my knowledge.  Friend. 
What to a Bawdy-house, to visit an impudent Prostitute? Pox on't, 'twill make me hate the Sex. The worst Object the world can show me, is an immodest vulgar woman.  Well. 
No matter, thou shalt go; go as thou lovest me.  Friend. 
Well, Sir, I'll go to bring you safely back.  Exeunt.  

SCENE draws to a House.  Enter Mrs. Dunwell, and Trickwell drunk. Trick. 
Nay, Moll, unreasonable Mary! when, the whole Prize was not above forty pound; and hast thou the conscience to snack ten only for a good word speaking, a little holding the door, and bawding? The device was my own too, the hazard mine, and the hanging may be mine, whilst thou securely filchest under my conduct. Come, the nest of Cups is fair, you Bitch, be contented; you were drunk too into the bargain, Moll. Come, bear a Conscience, Moll, and Heaven will bless our endeavours: besides, Moll, thou hast an honest Calling of Bawding, which brings thee in a pretty Livelihood, Moll; when God knows I trust to nothing but my own indurious slight of hand. Come, give me back the Salt.  [Snatches the silver Salt. Dun. 
By Yea and by Nay, Trickwell, I am afraid thou wilt play the Knave, and restore 'em.  Trick. 
No, by the Lord, Aunt, Restitution is Catholic; and you know Oracles are ceased. Tempus praeteritum.— Dost hear, my necessary Evil?— Thou ungodly Fire that burned Diana's Temple, dost hear? make Corina civil, or by the Lord, Bawd—  Dun. 
Fire! Gad you are the foulest mouthed son of a Whore, the profanest railing Rascal, call a woman the most ungodly names! I must confess we all eat of the forbidden Fruit; and for my own part, though I am, as they say, a Bawd that covers a multitude of sins, yet I trust I am none of the wicked that go to Steeple-houses with profane Organs in 'em, ye scurvy saucy Jack.  Trick. 
Who, I rail at thee, my industrious Moll, my subtle Procurer? I rail at thee, my necessary Damnation? I'll make an Oration in praise of thy Modesty, thou flower of thy Function.  Dun. 
And I think I have deserved it at your hands, Mr. Trickwell; for I have assisted you early and late, uprising, and downlying.  Trick. 
Thou hast; therefore listen: A Bawd for her Profession is the most honourable of all the 12 Companies; for as that Trade is most worshipful that sells the best Commodities, what must the Bawd be then, my little Moll? For where others sell silk clothes, Gold and Silver, Pearls and Diamonds, thou sellest divine Virtue, Virginity, Modesty, Maidenheads, Youth and Beauty: And who are her Customers? not Cits, Grooms, Mechanics, and disbanded Soldiers; but Gentlemen of the best Rank, Knights, Lords, Dukes, and Squires. Thus she lives, keeps the best Company, eats and drinks of the best, and domineers when she's drunk, reigns Queen, Moll, over her adoring Subjects. But hold, here's Wellman and Friendly! what a Pox does his Gravity in a Bawdy-house?  Enter Wellman and Friendly. Well. 
Come along, yonder's the Preface to my Mistress, her Matron, or Bawd, or what you please. Mrs. Dunwell, your servant.  Dun. 
Your servant, sweet Sir: Ah, you're a pretty man, to neglect a Creature that loves you thus; introth you are— But well, I'll fetch her to you, Sir.—  Exit Dun. Well. 
Do so, sweet Mrs. Dunwell.— What, Mr. Trickwell, does your Knaveship dare walk the street? Look to't, Mr. Dashit lies in wait for you.  Trick. 
The more fool he; I can lie for myself: A Pox of the rich Rascal, 'tis no deceit in me to cheat him; he has cozened me of an Estate of some two hundred a year, with his damned Reckonings, and then who but honourable Mr. Trickwell, the noble Squire, and soforth, till he had got all my Land in Mortgage; then took the forfeiture, and turned me 〈◊〉 of doors. I'll plague him for't. But I interrupt your diversion, and will kiss your hands, my noble Patrons.  Exit Trick. with the Plate. Enter Dunwell and Corina, she kicking her. Well. 
See, Sir, this the ugly thing you so despise!  Friend. 
This!  Well. 
This very thing: 'tis but a Dowdy— but she serves.—  Friend. 
A Whore this! Virtue defend me, what a lovely woman 'tis!  Well. 
Salute her, man, salute her.  Friend. 
Salute her! yes, and leave my heart upon her lips.  Well. 
Go, salute my friend; this is my friend Corina.  Cor. 
I care not for you nor your friends; I'm sure you use me scurvily, because you know I love you: but I shall learn those Arts you men are practised in; and scorn, and hate, and hide it, when it serves my turn, as you can do.— I shall— but yet I'm true, true as my Virtue when you first seduced it, false as you are,— and yet I love you strangely.—  Well. 
Salute my friend, I say— go, you fond fool, clasp his neck round, and press his cheeks to yours; kiss him as you do me, as soft and meltingly: go, you coy tit, I say you shall.  [Kisses him. Friend. 
She's fired me with that touch:— there's Witchcraft in't.  Well. 
Come, kiss her again; by Heaven thou shalt, I'll not be jealous on't: kiss her more ardently— So, thou wilt learn in time. Go fetch your Lute, and let him hear ye sing to't.  Cor. 
I'm all obedience, Sir, when you command; but I have something heavy at my heart that makes me wish you would excuse me now.  Well. 
Go too, I say— what can sit heavy there? I love thee, love thee infinitely, in faith I do, Corina. Here, here's Gold for thee; the Summer's coming on, and thou perhaps wants Toys, as Gowns and Points, and Petticoats. I'll have thee show, Corina, with the best, splendid and gay, my Girl, as is thy Beauty.  Cor. 
I'll take this Gold, but 'tis not that I want: methinks of late there is a strange decay of Passion in you; you're not so dearly fond as you were wont, supplying still your want of Love with Gold; your Mirth is forced, your Visits cold and short, as Winter-days; and when you speak of Love, you do't with caution. There's some reserve hid in that generous breast, which I would be acquainted with, yet tremble lest you should betrayed too soon.  Well. 
Corina, you mistake my heart, 'tis thine, entirely thine; but when a Lover's sure, as I am of thy heart, those little assiduities are neglected which only hoping Lovers use to pay. I am happy now, and have no need of Vows but those of Constancy. Go to your Lute.  Cor. 
And have ye none you do design to marry?  Well. 
Fie, you're a fool to think I be so weak; Marry! I scorn that slavery, whilst I possess all the delights of it with thee, without its plagues and care.— Go to your Lute. [Exit Cor.] Well, Frank, and how dost thou like my Mistress? is she not charming? do you blame me now? Introth I loved her dearly once, till my Soul showed me the imperfections of my body, and placed my love on a more worthy object, my fair Marinda; which if this Baggage knew, there were no being for me, she would so rave: But faith I think I'm not so criminal as you imagined, hah?  Friend. 
Yet she's a Whore!  Well. 
A Whore! Oh call her a Miss, a Lady of the Town, a Beauty of delight, or any thing. Whore! 'tis a nauseous name, and out of fashion now to call things by their right names. Is a Citizen a Cuckold? no, he's one of the Livery: Is a great man a Fool? no, he's weak, or led away: Is a Person of Quality pocky? no, but is not well, has got a Surfeit, or so. Come, she is a Mistress,— but hark, she sings!  A Song within to a Lute, after which, enters Corina. Friend. 
She's all a perfect Heaven! Oh I adore her!  Cor. 
To obey your commands, I sung, my Love, but I had rather you had pardoned me.  Well. 
You are a simple Chit; go, get you gone, and let me go; 'tis late, and I am sleepy.  Cor. 
This Language was not wont to come from thee; take heed, and do not cheat my easy Faith: for if you do, perhaps 'twill make me mad; and in my wildness some strange things may do, may ruin both our lives. Take heed; for now I love ye much above 'em both. Come, you shall stay with me to night.  Well. 
By no means, my Dear; this Gentleman has vowed to see me chastely laid.  Cor. 
And so ye shall: the Play of Infants shall not be more chaste. I have no wish to make him break his Vow, and he shall have a Bed.  Well. 
Peace! that offer will offend him; he's a modest man, one of a professed abstinence. Good night.  Cor. 
And must you go?  Well. 
I must.  Cor. 
And will you come to morrow? But oh I did not use to ask such Questions. Will you be sure?  Well. 
I will: when did I fail? Good night. Boy, your Flambeau. Good night, Corina.  He goes out, Friendly stays. Cor. 
Why stay you, Sir? you see your friend is gone.  Friend. 
Madam, if he knows not how to prize Heaven, I do; and cannot leave the pleasure so soon, at least if you would give me leave to gaze, I dare not say possess, that were a blessing fit only for the Gods; nor knows man how to calm it.— That you should throw away such wondrous beauty on the remiss, cold, and insensible!  Cor. 
Who is it, Sir, that's so insensible?  Friend. 
Death, whither does my passion hurry me? I shall betray friendship of many years, for a flame which a new lust has kindled in a moment.  Cor. 
Heavens! are you silent, Sir? what made ye talk of one remiss and cold? who mean ye? Wellman? Oh, if you did—  Friend. 
I meant mankind; for none can merit you.— Is she unchaste? can such an one be damned? Oh Love and Beauty, you two eldest seeds of the vast Chaos, what strong right ye have even in things divine, our very Souls!  Cor. 
Why do you stifle what was so well begun? Unfold; I know you have some meaning, Sir, in what you have to say: Concerns it Wellman?  Friend. 
No. Answer me one thing, Madam.  Cor. 
I will: for you have something to relate, which I must hear. Demand; I listen.  Friend. 
The Question is but rude.  Cor. 
I care not.— What means he?  [Aside. Friend. 
Are you— You pardon me?  Cor. 
I do. There's something in his heart that I must flatter thence. Be confident.  Friend. 
And are you then— a— Whore? You said you would forgive.  [Bows. Cor. 
I did: and though that question, yet 'cause I know thou hast some reason for't, I'll answer thee directly, That I am.  Friend. 
Are Prostitutes such things, so delicate? Can custom spoil what Nature made so good? I never saw a sweet face vicious: it might be proud, inconstant, wanton, vain.  Cor. 
Oh leave, Sir, to philosophise on Beauty, and tell me why you do so.  Friend. 
Heavens! why couldst not thou be constant?  Cor. 
Constant! to what? to whom?  Friend. 
To Wellman: he has all the Charms of Nature; and to be false to him, was such a sin—  Cor. 
Oh Heavens! what base flatterer has traduced me? tell me; who dares report I am not true, not true to Wellman? I have been false to Virtue, false to Honour, false to my Name and Friends; but was to Wellman what Heaven is to the Just and Penitent, all soft, all mercy, all complying sweetness.  Friend. 
By Heaven, I do believe it; and ne'er heard a breath that could profanely say thou wert not: But oh, I thought with reason, if 'twere so, I could not slightly part with such a Jewel, or, Indian-like, barter this real Gold for shining gingling Baubles. Marinda! Heaven, thou'rt an Angel to her!  Cor. 
Enough: I know my doom; that word's enough; and I'm betrayed to ruin! [aside.] I will: My heart, thou shalt dissemble this— Go, base false man, that with the name of Friend has played the Traitor to the best of men. I know thou injur'st Wellman; or if true, 'twas not thy part to tell it: hadst thou licence for such a cruel Tale, thou shouldst have spared it to her that loved thy friend. Be gone, I hate thee, and whatsoe'er thou meants by such a Lie, I scorn thee for't, and think thee much unfit for any gallant friendship: I know 'tis truth, and with the fatal knowledge instruct my heart to break.  [Aside. Goes out. Friendly musing alone, enter peeping Wellman. Well. 
Tho I do not care for this woman now, yet some dregs of the old haunt of Jealousy remain about me still; and I must see what use my friend and quondam Mistress makes of this kind opportunity.— Ha! alone, and musing!  [Listens. Friend. 
'Twas not well done, indeed, to tell her; but Love was raging in me, and I believed I should insinuate with that secret.  Well. 
By Heaven, he's caught! Eternal Laughter seize me.  Friend. 
'Twas Love! the very first effects of Love were treacherous and ill: Heaven guard me from the rest. Yet I must on:  
Let Wintered Age dully pretend to prove  
That Love is Lust; I know no life but Love.  Well. 
Is it so, Sweetheart? how is't? what, is the worst sight the world can produce, a common woman now?  Friend. 
Ha! will you go home, Sir? 'tis high bedtime.  Well. 
With all my heart, Sir; only do not chide me. I must confess.—  Friend. 
A wanton Lover you have been.  [Shaming. Well. 
When Love was raging in me.  [Shaming again. Friend. 
Oh leave your rallying; will you be gone?  Well. 
Let Wintered Age dully pretend to prove That Love is Lust; I know no life but Love. Go thy ways for an Apostate; I believe my last Garment must be let out in the seams for you: Is't not so? But come, I must go serinade Marinda; but take this certain rule along with thee:  
Of all the Fools that Ignorance ere nursed,  
He that 'gainst Nature would be wise, is worst.  Exeunt.   

ACT the Second.  

SCENE the Second.  A Street. Enter Wellman and Friendly, with Footmen with Lights, and men with Music; as under Marinda's Window. Well. 
WEll, Gentlemen, here's the Window of my dear Marinda: 'tis here, my friends, resides that lovely Maid, whose beauty chases away those lesser fires that did infest my heart. Come, gently touch your strings, and call her forth to bless me ere I go to rest: I'm not half sanctified without a sight.  They play a little, than a Song. Enter Marinda above, in Night-dress, and Diana. Mar. 
Who's there, my dear loved Wellman? This was kind.  Well. 
My generous Marinda! when did I ere approach thee but with kindness, the fondest tenderest part of kindness too? and when I cease to do so, Heaven neglect me.  Mar. 
And me, when I but fear the contrary. Would I could let thee in; but oh I dare not: my Father nicely careful, though thou'rt mine, mine by a solemn Contract, yet forbids me to entertain thee with that freedom yet.  Well. 
But, my Marinda, 'tis a heavenly night, such as was made for Lovers, still and calm; and I have such soft things to whisper to thee, as pains me to conceal. I long to touch thy hand, to catch thy sighs, and lean my head upon thy rising bosom. A freedom now methinks you might allow me: 'tis very hard.  Mar. 
'Tis so; but yet a little suffering, and we may meet with lawful freedom: till when, continue to be true and kind.  Well. 
By Heaven, by all the Stars that shine above, and by thy brighter Eyes, I will be ever true.  Mar. 
I must give faith to what you say; and prithee since, easy Maid, I do believe so soon, in pity do not cheat me. Here, wear this little Ring; a dying Brother gave it, and bade me never part with it but to him that Love had made my Husband: Wear it thou; for thou'rt my Soul's best choice.  Takes it in his hand, and kisses it. Well. 
Which when I part from, Hope, the best comfort of my life, forsake me.  Dian. 
Heavens! what a long tedious Tale of Faith and Troth's here! Could I once see the man I liked, I'd have done a thousand fine and more material things by this time.  Well. 
Madam, here is a Man, whom if you could but pity—  Dian. 
What, my grave Lover Mr. Friendly, who hates a Wencher! no by my Troth, I'm for no such dull Ingredience in a Lover: I love a man that knows the way to a woman's bed without instructions. Besides, what should we two do together, get Fools? no, I hate 'em.  Well. 
You may be mistaken in your man.  Dian. 
I wish I were: Let him but bring it under the hand of any woman who has been kind to him, and I'll believe him fit to be beloved by me; till then, I am obdurate.  Friend. 
Well, Madam, I'll endeavour to obey you.  Dian. 
Let it be quickly then, I hate delays, you know I'm stored with Lovers, Sir John Empty will be beforehand with you else; you know he's a spruce Spark, and cannot long lay siege before a heart, but he will force an entrance: he's of my humour too, gay, loves Fiddles, Wine and Women; a fool and rich, oh heavenly Quality! Be wise, Sir, and consider 'em, and learn to whore betimes; you know not what you may come to. Farewell, the day begins to break, and the old man will wake. Good morrow, modest Mr. Friendly.  Exeunt from the window. Well. 
Good morrow, madcap: Come, shall's go to bed?  Friend. 
No, I cannot sleep; I'll walk a little.  Well. 
And meditate? Farewell, Sir, I'm for rest.  Exeunt all but Friendly. Friend. 
This woman yesterday was charming to me, and now all that she said, seemed dull and tedious. What a strange change is here! The light comes on; hark how the freeborn Birds chant forth their untaught Passions, and in those pretty Notes express their love. They have no Bawds, no mercenary Beds, no politic Restraints, no artful Heats, no faint Dissemble; Custom makes them not blush, nor Shame afflicts their name. Oh happy Birds, in whom an inborn heat is held no sin! how vastly you transcend poor wretched man, whom national custom, tyrannous respect of slavish order fetters, calling that sin in us, which in all else is Nature's highest Virtue. But a Whore! now shame forsake me, whither am I fallen, one that my friend has had, to live to be a shameful talk to men!  Wellman returns. Well. 
I have a mind to know whether Friendly goes to Corina; when I am absent, 'tis with some regret I think he should; but present, it so pleases me to see his modesty in love, I'm ready to resign her.— He's here still! Good morrow, Friend, I cannot leave thee thus dissatisfied; what art thou studying on?  Friend. 
Love; but it likes me not.  Well. 
Why?  Friend. 
She is not honest.  Well. 
What then? should we hate all that are so, some men would hate their Mothers and their Sisters; a sin against kind.  Friend. 
Is it a wise man's part to be in love?  Well. 
Let wise men alone; 'twill beseem thee and me well enough.  Friend. 
And shall I not commit a sin against friendship?  Well. 
What to love where I do? By Heaven, I resign her freely to thee: the creature and I must grow strangers; and by this time she has heard of my design to marry, and swears and rails, and cries, and curses me. Come, faith I will resign her, and you see Diana will like thee ne'er the worse for't.  Friend. 
I'll but embrace her, hear her speak, and at the most but kiss her.  Well. 
Oh hark, he that could live upon the scent of Meat, would live cheaply.  Friend. 
I shall never become heartily a man o'th' Town, a kind of flat ungracious Debauchee; an unsufficient dulness reigns about me.  Well. 
This Italian breeding has spoiled thee, and stiffened thy behaviour. Come, come, thou shalt to her, and she shall like thee.  Friend. 
But if she should not, Friend!  Well. 
Fear her not, 'tis her Trade, and what she's practised long with many Lovers.  Friend. 
Was she not true to thee?  Well. 
I do believe she was, whilst she was mine.  Friend. 
Was she a sinner ere you saw her then?  Well. 
Oh a very Strumpet! Pardon me truth. Come, have a good heart, and thou shalt possess her, since thou'rt so in love.  Friend. 
Death, man, 'tis Destiny, I cannot help it.  Well. 
Nay, I hope so. Come, come, she sells but flesh; so that even in the enjoying thou'lt regain again thy freedom. Go thy ways. [Exit Friend. Enter Trickwell.] How now, Rascal! what make you up so early?  Trick. 
He that will thrive, must be early stirring, Sir: I am going to get the Penny, Sir; Ay, Heaven has endowed me with industry, I thank it.  Well. 
And what good Acquaintance have you, Sirrah? no handsome women?  Trick. 
Faith, Sir, yes, some do start up now and then; but a Pox on't, when they have run through all the Trades and Degrees of the City, they pass at the other side of the Town for new Faces, and are caught up by your Courtiers for innocent and honest, though the Citie-Surgeon have had good Customers of 'em; and by my Troth, Sir, I hate to cheat a Gentleman with false Ware. But last night—  Well. 
What last night?  Trick. 
I was horrid drunk at Supper with one Sir John Empty, a brave young fool for my purpose; I brought him a Wench, one Betty Cogit; a Pox on her, a pretty drunken Whore 'tis, and handsome: if she can serve you, I can bed my Knight with any other.  Well. 
Away, you're a Rogue; I'll talk about it another time. Farewell: Have a care of Mr. Dashit, Sirrah.  Exit Will. Trick. 
Let Mr. Dashit have a care of me; I'll take care he shall be cozened most plentifully. Now for some new device! what shall it be?  Enter Jack, a boy with Barber's things. Jack. 
Pray, Sir, which is the way to Cheapside, to the Sun-Tavern?  Trick. 
Sun-Tavern, Child! what wouldst thou do there?  Jack. 
When, Sir, I am sent for to trim Mr. Dashit; and though he be my Godfather, I know not the way to his house.  Trick. 
Why, art thou a Barber?  Jack. 
A Barber-Surgeon, Sir.  Trick. 
To what Bawdy-house does your Master belong? and what's your name?  Jack. 
John Scour, an't like your Worship.  Trick. 
John Scour! Good Mr. John Scour, I desire your farther acquaintance. Nay, be covered, my dainty boy. Is thy Master at home?  Jack. 
My Father, forsooth, you mean; but he's dead.  Trick. 
And laid in's Grave, good boy?  Jack. 
Yes, Sir, and my Mother keeps shop.  Trick. 
A good witty boy; thoned live to read a Chapter to the Family, and write Sermons, John, in time, wilt thou▪ not?  Jack. 
In grace a God, Sir.  Trick. 
And whither art thou going now, John?  Jack. 
Marry, forsooth, to trim Mr. Dashit the Vintner, He's my Godfather, I told you, forsooth.  Trick. 
Good boy, hold up thy head. Prithee do one thing for me; my name's Hazard.  Jack. 
He! good Mr. Hazard!  [Bows. Trick. 
Lend me thy Barber's Implements.  Jack. 
Oh Lord, Sir!  Trick. 
Well spoken, a fine boy! What are they worth, child?  Jack. 
Oh Lord, Sir, worth! I know not.  Trick. 
A witty child! Here's a shilling for thee. Where dost live, John?  Jack. 
At the three Washballs, forsooth, in Mincing-lane.  Trick. 
Ay, I know't; a delicate boy! I have an odd Jest in my head, child, to trim Mr. Dashit: 'Tis for a wager, boy, a humour; I'll return thy things presently. Hold, let's see—  Takes off his Apron, and takes his things. Jack. 
What mean ye, Mr. Hazard?  Trick. 
Nothing, child, but a Jest. Go drink a flagon, and I'll return presently.  Jack. 
Pray, Sir, do not stay.  Trick. 
As I'm an honest man— The three Washbals, John?  Jack. 
Ay, Sir.  Trick. 
Good: And if I do not shave Mr. Dashit, my ingenaity wants an edge. Let me see, a Barber! My villainous tongue will betray me; I must step in and disguise a little. For my speech, what if it be broken French, or a Northern or a Welsh Barber? Good, the Widow Scours man: good, newly hired a Journeyman; very well: I have my Cue, and will proceed, happy be luck—  Exit. Trick.  

SCENE changes to Corina's house.  Enter Corina with her Hair loose, raving, and Mr. Dunwell. Dun. 
Nay, dear sweet child, do not torment thyself thus violently: say Wellman be to be married, are there no more young Gentlemen, no more both handsome and rich? Come, come, you could not expect to build Tabernacles with him.  Cor. 
Damn your sententious Nonsense, let me go loose as the winds when mad, when raging mad. 'Twas you, Heaven curse ye for't, that first seduced me, swore that he loved me, would eternally; and when my Virtue had resolved me good, damned Witch, whose trade is Lying and Confusion, you hard besieged it round with tales of Wellman, repeated all his Charms so often o'er, my Heart began to yield, and Virtue fade like flowers with too much heat; which when you saw; a Curse upon your Tongue, you told him where the part was feeblest here— told him my strength, and how he best might conquer: and he, oh lovely Tyrant, found it true, and never ceased till he had vanquished all. Leave me, thou Witch, that hast reduced this soul, this body too, to nothing but a Grave.  Dun. 
To nothing! Marry and that's not my fault; I have made as many proffers of your Virginity since he ruined it, as if you had been my own Daughter a thousand times, so I have; but you were so peevish, you ever stood in your own light; nothing would down with you but Wellman.  Cor. 
Hell take thy tongue, or blast it.  Dun. 
Ay, for God forgive me, it has been a thousand times forsworn for you, and yet I've brought you to nothing. Have I not brought you English and French Merchants of the best Rank, Jews of the richest Tribes, Irish Lords, Scottish Earls, and lastly, the Dutch Agent, who offered ye a Tun of money? and is all this nothing? Come, come, had you had grace, you had made something of all these; but nothing but Wellman was regarded.  Cor. 
Oh that hated Name, like some black Charm it curdles up my blood.  Dun. 
And yet, a'my conscience the Gentleman's an honest Gentleman, and one you have got fairly by; I hope him to you, and have I this for my labour? Well, Marry Dunwell, [weeps] go thy ways; Marry Dunwell, thy kind heart will bring thee to the Hospital.  Cor. 
I'll be revenged; nothing but dire Revenge shall satiate my Rage. Methinks I am inspired with manly strength, a bloody courage swells my rising heart, and I shall act some wondrous dismal mischief. And yet to see him bleed, he that has sworn so many tender things, and breathed 'em all in kisses on my bosom; but now all those, and thousands new invented, he pays another Mistress more beloved. I die, I die, and cannot bear that thought, by which I find I'm feeble woman still. Why didst thou? tell me, for I'll here begin, why didst thou praise this Monster?— To my soul.  Draws a Dagger and takes hold of her. Dun. 
Heavens, Madam, hold and hear me: I did praise him, I confess; I said he was a fool, a lavish fool, one that loved women more than his Religion, that he kept high, and loved most ardently: but what of this? the wind you see is turned.  Cor. 
Turn all then to confusion; turn, thou Witch, 'tis I will play the Devil. Heart, resolve, and set down this decree, never to rest till thou hast made him equal to me, wretched.  Enter Boy. Boy. 
Madam, Mr. Wellman and Mr. Friendly are below, and desire leave to kiss your hand.  Cor. 
Oh he's grown ceremonious in his Visits. No more, I will be calm, as if my fortune knew no change; I will dissemble, smile;  
I'll show myself all woman in my Art, Puts the Dagger and Pistol in her two Pockets.  
But be a very Devil in my heart.  Enter Wellman and Friendly. Well. 
How now Corina, what disorders this?  Cor. 
Oh my dear life! this woman has displeased me; but one kind look from thee chases all other thoughts out of my soul.  Well. 
But what's the matter? do not dissemble with me.  Cor. 
With thee! far be such art from thy Corina's tongue; you've taught her truth with love. What else should such a Master teach a Mistress? Come, I forgive her now: Alas, she's lost the little Dog you gave me. Would it not grieve one to lose aught of thine?  Well. 
Fie, fie, cry for a Dog! what wouldst thou do for me that payest such tributes to a poor worthless Animal?  Cor. 
For thee, weep tears of blood; but 'tis impossible I could be robbed of thee by aught but death. I know thy noble heart— to be a Traitor.  [Aside. Well. 
Thou art so fond, thou mindest nothing but me; sees thou not my friend?  Cor. 
Yes, and love him too, next to thyself, by Heaven; for he's as great a Villain, being he's man. Come, Sir, you must not be so sad; I'll sing and dance, do any thing to make you gay and smile: for trust me, Sir, I hate sad Company. Heavens, what ails you, Sir? have you the Toothache, Sir? I've many remedies for that.  Friend. 
No, my pain is at my heart; have you a Cure for that?  Cor. 
A thousand. Kind Eyes, soft Sighs and Kisses well applied.  Friend. 
'Twill but increase the pain: 'twas so I caught it.  Cor. 
Alas, I'll sing then; I have a thousand Songs, so pretty and so loving.—  Friend. 
Still that but hurts me more.  Cor. 
Then I've no Remedies. [sighs.] Ha, what Ring is that? I like it, and must have it.  Well. 
No you must not, Love.  Cor. 
Fie, you call me Love, and cry I must not! I say I will. How now, who is't commands where I am?  Well. 
You entirely; but this Ring I cannot part with.  Cor. 
'Tis my Rivals: Rot with his finger, how it fires my blood, and the red flame kindles about my face, and will betray my heart! Come, 'tis a trifle.  Well. 
I care not for the value.  Cor. 
Has it a worth besides its own intrinsic one?  Well. 
Nay, you're of late so peevish and so jealous, that you grow troublesome.  Cor. 
Jealous! by this dear mouth not I. [Kisses him.] Come, give me the Ring; by all that's kind, you shall: By all our Loves, and by all those soft Embraces when in my Arms you swore eternal Love, eternal Faith, I do conjure ye give it me: I never used to beg such Toys in vain.  Well. 
Thou art uncivilly importunate. Go, fool, thou shalt not ha''t; I care not for thee nor thy Jealousy.  Cor. 
He speaks his soul in that, which from his mouth destroys all my dissembling. I know that Ring, thou falser than the Devil; I know it is Marinda's, your new Mistress: take her, but take her far from me be sure; keep her as thou wouldst secrets that would damn thee; for if she take but Air, she is no more; it will be all infected with my Sighs and Curses, and 'twill be catching, Sir: look to't, it will.  Well. 
Thou'rt grown a hectoring Whore!  Cor. 
Leave me, or such another word from thee will put thee into danger. Dar'st thou upbraid the faults thou hast created? Furies possess me, that I may encounter the like Fate or killing Blasts! Oh I could rave to think I want that power that might destroy thee!  Well. 
Do not turn Witch before thy time, Corina.  Cor. 
I would I were, that I might be an age in damning thee: But words are Air that blow above thy head, and cannot wound nor blast.  [Sighing. Well. 
Nay, if you rave, I'll leave ye; fare ye well.— You will not go.  [She catches him. Cor. 
And is it true, hast thou abandoned me? Canst thou forget our numerous Blisses passed, the hours we've wasted out in Tales of Love, and cursed all interruption but of Kisses, which 'twixt thy charming words I ever gave thee; when the whole livelong day we thought too short, yet blessed the coming night? Hast thou forgot, false are thy Vows, all perjured, and thy Faith broken as my poor lost forsaken heart? and wouldst thou wish me live to see this Change! Couldst thou believe, if thou hadst hid it from the talking world, my heart could not have found it out by sympathy! A foolish unconsidering faithless man!  Well. 
This is as troublesome as Rage to me.  [Breaks from her. Cor. 
Some comfort that thou dost confess thou'rt base; and this last blaze of my departing Love, has but a minute's light, and now 'tis gone.  Well. 
It went in fume, and leaves a scent behind it which does offend my sense: Farewell.  [Goes out. Cor. 
Farewell. And dost thou think I'll part with thee thus tamely! Faithless unthinking fool, by Heaven, no other woman shall possess thee; the perjured heart you gave, thus I demand: [Takes a Pistol out of her pocket, fires it at his breast; it only flashes in the pan: Friendly runs to her; she throws it away.] Oh damn this treacherous instrument, false as the heart 'twas aimed at: But since, like Coward States, I wanted courage to attack the Foe, I'll turn my Fury into civil Broils, and hurl all to confusion here within.  [Offers to stab herself; Friendly runs to her, prevents her, and she seems fainted a little while in his arms. Friend. 
Pray leave her, Sir, your presence but inflames her.  Well. 
I will: look to her, prithee. I was too rash, and missed from too much violence and rage— I might have more securely done the business. [aside.] Pray leave me, Sir, I cannot go, a fire in my blood confines me here: 'Tis not a virtuous flame!  
No, raging Lust my wilful fate does move;  
The Gods themselves cannot be wise and love.  Cor. 
This man whom I abhor because his Friend, through all my rage, I see has passion for me, raise it, ye Powers, till it become so high to be employed to any use, I'll put it to a fatal instrument of my Revenge. [Aside.  Friend. 
Loveliest of all your injured Sex.—  Cor. 
You're charitable to the forsaken, Sir, but 'tis alas all thrown away on me; for I can never more believe there can be honesty in man, since Wellman is all Vice.  Friend. 
What Devil, envious of his glorious Choice, contrived to make him faithless to such Beauty! Had I that Blessing, which I dare not name, hardly dare wish, 'tis so above my merit, I should despise, as useless and unnecessary, all the vast Joys besides Heaven has in store, and at thy feet lay all my Fortunes down, and set up my eternal rest with thee.  Cor. 
Just so he spoke, and I fond fool believed, and tired him out with love; but you're all false, inconstant, faithless Tyrants, and betrayers even in that very minute that you gain us; we forfeit all our hopes in you for ever. I can believe no more.  Friend. 
Silence and Modesty were wont to be my two accustomed Virtues; but my Love grows high and rages in me like a storm: Would you'd believe my Vows; but you have been deceived that way already: therefore, thou dear, thou lovely injured fair one, credit my plain Sincerity. I love, and to be short, would have thee pay my flame, I will be grateful in what way you please. Take me to your Embraces, to your Bed. I am not used to ask such Questions, Madam, and want terms fit to dress 'em in.  Cor. 
And do you take me then for such a Creature, that have no sense but Appetite, the Brutal part of Love? Forbear to name it to me, you offend me.  Friend. 
Forgive me; I would have you love me too: and if I have too hastily run o'er what ought to have been said of my vast Passion, and came too rudely on the wished-for part, 'tis the effects of youthful ignorance, of hot desire, and eager to be happy.  Cor. 
How shall I fain to yield! [aside?] There's such a seeming honest plainness, Sir, in what you say, in spite of all my grief, I listen to your Language. Could you be true, could you convince me throughly that you loved!  Friend. 
[kneeling.] What Art will do't? what Vows, what Protestations, what Proofs, what Gifts, besides a faithful Heart?  Cor. 
Shall I, or can I trust again? Oh fool, how natural 'tis for women to believe! But when you've gained the utmost that you ask, will you not then grow cold?  Friend. 
As soon the Sun shall lose its native heat, denying warmth to Flowers.  Cor. 
I must have more than this: Can you believe this heart that has been used so ill already, can you trust on feeble Vows? Can you be bravely kind, resolve a Deed would shake a Soul that is not fixed in Love?  Friend. 
Is it a Deed that I may do with honour?  Cor. 
I did not study that; but if there be any thing that stands in competition with your Love, it is not worth my owning.  Friend. 
Be it what it will, 'tis for so rich a Prize, without demanding what, I'll vow it done.  Cor. 
I hate this Wellman: You may guests the rest. Good day to you.  Friend. 
Leaving me! by Heaven we must not part: Love and Desire are madly raving in me; my impatient Heat admits of no resistance: I cannot-live, without you grant me instantly that which I dare not ask.  Follows on his knees. Cor. 
As long as Wellman lives, I've made a Vow never to love again; yet am I understood.  Friend. 
Will you be mine when Wellman is no more?  Cor. 
By all my hopes, by my last best of wishes.  Friend. 
Be mine, and only mine, for ever mine?  Cor. 
Inviolably yours.  Friend. 
Then hear me, on my knees I make this Vow: Wellman shall die before to morrows light. Now may I hope my Bliss?  Cor. 
Yes, when the Deed is done. And for a Token that you have dispatched him, bring me that Diamond that he wears, and which he did refuse me.— Do you pause—  Friend. 
Only the manner, Sweet—  Cor. 
Oh you may pick a sudden Quarrel with him, word it to blows, and then take all advantages.  Friend. 
And will my Vows to kill him, merit nothing?  Cor. 
No, I have vowed, and if you love, you'll yield to't.  Friend. 
Enough: Farewell. She goes out.  
Delays in Love's the Lovers only Hell. Going out hastily stops. Ha! whither would my hasty steps misguide me! was I not rushing on to kill a Friend? to kill a Friend, oh 'tis to kill myself! Passion, how hellish art thou? oh how vile, to kill a Friend to gain a sinful woman for Appetite, for sensual end, and momentary pleasure;  
And Vices like to swelling Rivers flow,  
The further that they run they bigger grow.  
Heaven! how near was I to being undone! I'll fly, lest the temptation overtake me.  Exit.  

SCENE changes to Dashit's house.  Enter Mrs. 
Dashit with a bag of money, Mr. Dashit following.  Mr. Dash. 
Well, is the money right?  Mrs. Dash. 
Just fifty pound, Honey, in good hard Half-crowns.  Mr. Dash. 
Well, Mr. Trickwell, 'tis your confounded Worship puts me to this Charge; but an I catch thee, an I do not charge thee with as many Irons, mayst thou cozen me again, Knave, mayst thou cozen me again. Well, Wife, is the Barber come? I'll be trimmed, and then to my Neighbour Glistens the Goldsmith to new furnish myself with Plate.  Mrs. Dash. 
Truly Husband, surely-Heaven is not pleased with our Vocation; we wink at the sins of our Customers, our Wines are merely Protestant, and I now speak it with grief of heart, we fry Fish with salt Butter, to the burden of my Conscience, calling our Wines by forty heathenish names to disguise truth.  Mr. Dash. 
Hold your prating; a Pox of your Conscience, go mind your business in the Bar, score double, and mend the matter with a vengeance.  [Exit Mrs. Dash▪ lays the money on the Table. Enter Trickwell dressed like a Barber. 
How now, Friend, what are you?  Trick. 
A Barber, Sir, the Widow Scours man, an't like your Worship; my name's Timothy Hazard, Sir.  Mr. Dash. 
Very well, very well; and how does my Godson, Timothy?  [Dash. sits down in a Chair, he puts the things about him. Trick. 
Very well, an't like your Worship; he's gone to trim Parson Cuffett.  Mr. Dash. 
And how long have you been a Barber, Timothy?  Trick. 
A Year, an't like your Worship, come Christmas.  Mr. Dash. 
What, what, and a good Workman, Timothy? And may I trust myself in thy hands, Timothy?  Trick. 
Oh doubt me not, Sir, I'll shave your Worship as cleverly, as your Worship shall confess, by that time I've done.— Ha, 'tis Cash!  Feels the Moneybag. Whilst he is washing him they talk. Mr. Dash. 
Well, Timothy, and what's the News, Timothy? You Barbers are notable News-mongers, good Commonwealths-men: You—  Trick. 
Marry, Sir, I know none but of the Speaking Child and the Monster.  Mr. Dash. 
How, the Monsters! what Monsters, good Timothy?  Trick. 
Has not your Worship heard of the Monster, the Gravesend-Monster?  Mr. Dash. 
By my Troth not I.  Trick. 
Why, Sir, there came ashore last night four and twenty huge horrible monstrous devouring—  Mr. Dash. 
Bless us! what?  Trick. 
Whales, Sir; which no sooner came ashore, but they turned into fearful Elephants that roared, then into Cockatrices that crowed and frighted all the Judges out of Westminster-hall.  Dash. 
Good Lord!  Trick. 
And in a moment these Cockatrices were turned into so many huge Giants in Scarlet, with Triple Crowns on their heads, and forked Tongues that hiss so loud, the noise is heard to the Royal Exchange; which has put the Citizens into such a Consternation, that 'tis thought the world's at an end.  Dash. 
Good Lord! And what may this portend, Timothy?  Trick. 
Portend, Sir, Popery, Sir, Popery; and these Monsters are called the four and twenty Whores of Babylon.  Dash. 
Oh monstrous! Four and twenty Whores! the Nation will be overrun with Popery indeed, Timothy: Bless us, what monstrous things are these Popish Monsters! Well, in grace of God my Wife and I will go see these four and twenty Whores. Nay, nay, God bless little England; this must portend right-down Popery, that's certain. Well, and hast thou no merry News, Timothy?  Trick. 
Faith, Sir, they say that there's five and twenty couple of Bears are to dance a Dance in Paris-Garden before the King; and four and twenty couple of French Apes play to 'em upon Flute doux.  Dash. 
Oh Pox, Timothy, this must be a lie, Timothy; and this be not a lie, I am an Ass efaith: Four and twenty Bears dance to Flutes douxes! Ha, ha, ha.  Trick. 
'Tis credible reported, Sir.— Shut your Eyes close, Sir, closer yet, Sir, this Ball will make 'em smart.  Dash. 
Ay, ay, Timothy, I do wink.  Trick. 
Hold, Sir, your head will take cold; [Puts on a fools cap. I'll put on your good Worship's Nightcap. So, now I'll shave you, Sir. This must ●●ong with me, this Beaver too, and now adieu, worshipful Mr. Dashit.  Leaves him in the Suds, the Basin in's hand, and runs away with the money. Exit. Dash. 
Ha, ha, ha! Four and twenty couple of English Bears dance to the Music of French Apes! Ha, ha, ha! in faith, good Timothy, thou makest my Worship smile,— But hark ye, Timothy, dost know one Trickwell? a villainous Rogue, Timothy, cheated me last night of Fifty pound in Plate; but I'll Plate him, with a Pox, an I catch him. Come, haste, good Timothy. Art thou free, Timothy? I am one of the Common Council, Timothy, and may do thee good shortly. Why Timothy! Timothy! dost leave me in the Suds? Why Timothy! I shall be blind with winking. [wipes his Eyes.] Timothy! Ha, you— Wife, my money, Wife!  Enter Mrs. Dashit. Mrs. Dash. 
What's the noise here? you are always bawling.  Mr. Dash. 
‛ Owns, ye Whore, where's Timothy?  Mrs. Dash. 
What Timothy?  Mr. Dash. 
Why the Barber, Jade, the Barber.  Mrs. Dash. 
The Barber! I saw him go half a quarter of an hour since. Why, are you not trimmed?  Mr. Dash. 
Trimmed, a Pox trim ye; where's the money, the money, the money, ye Jade? I am trimmed with a vengeance!  Mrs. Dash. 
What's the money gone! the whole Fifty pound in the bag!  Mr. Dash. 
I have winked fair, in the Devil's name.  Enter Jack. Kneels. Jack. 
Pray, Godfather, give me your Blessing.  Mr. Dash. 
A Pox of Blessing, I am Cursing, Rogue: where's Timothy, thy Mother's man Timothy?  Jack. 
My Mother has no such, forsooth.  Mr. Dash. 
My money! my fifty pound! A Plague of all Timothy's; who was't trimmed me?  Jack. 
I know not, Godfather; only one met me and borrowed my Furniture, for a Jest, he said.  Mr. Dash. 
What kind of Fellow was't? Oh—  Jack. 
A little slender nimble well-spoken fellow, Sir.  Mr. Dash. 
Oh 'tis Trickwell, that Rogue Trickwell! a black Hair and Eyebrows, and grey Eyes?  Jack. 
Yes, Godfather.  Mr. Dash. 
Ay, ay, 'tis he. Raise the street upon him; I'll hang him if there be Law for money. Oh I shall faint! Wife, wife, fetch me the Rosa solus.  Mrs. Dash. 
Good Husband, take comfort in the Lord, I'll play the Devil but I'll recover it; have a good heart, 'tis but a weeks false scoring in the Parliament-time.  [Fetches the bottle, he drinks. Mr. Dash. 
So, some comfort: Wife, when Wife, I say, is there any Music in the house?  Mrs. Dash. 
Yes, Sweetheart, Mr. Squeeks Noise.  Mr. Dash. 
Bid 'em play then: And John come kiss me now, now, now, and John come kiss me now. [sings.] Bid 'em play; laugh thou and be merry, for I'll go dance, cast up my Accounts, and hang myself presently. I will not curse, but a Pox on Trickwell, he has shaved me, he has trimmed me! I will go hang myself; but first let's have a Dance.  Exeunt dancing with the bottle in's hand, and sings, John come kiss me, etc.   

ACT the Third.  

SCENE the First.  Enter Marinda, Diana, Ample. Mar. 
COme, prithee Ample, sing the Song Wellman made upon the Kiss I gave him.  Dian. 
No, prithee don't, my stomach turns against kissing extremely.  Mar. 
Why, Diana?  Dian. 
By the faith I have in this Beauty, 'tis the most unsavoury Ceremony, the most saucy Custom to Ladies; every Fellow nowadays with greasy sweaty Faces, stinking Breath, and nasty Teeth, must take a body over the Lips with such familiarity; nay they think 'tis grateful to us too. Lord, there was an old Judge laid me over the face last night, and did so squeeze his grizly Bristles through my Lips, I'd as live a kissed a row of Pins with the points to me; and yet I was forced to take it, take it with a Curtsy too: for my part I had as lief they should belch in my face.  Mar. 
Fie, what a Comparison's there!  Dian. 
Suitable to the beastly Compliment; and yet I love kissing too, if I may choose my man and place.  Mar. 
Fie, if any one should hear ye!  Dian. 
Let a thousand, I'd not be ashamed; 'tis not those that talk roguishly, that are to be suspected: you shall have a hypocritical holy Sister mince that publicly, that she'll receive with open arms privately: For my own part, I consider Nature without Apparel, without disguising; I give thoughts, words, and truth, a modest boldness; I love no prohibited things, and I would have nothing prohibited but by Virtue.  Mar. 
But we must consider the world, who thinks severe modesty a woman's Virtue.  Dian. 
Fie, fie, Virtue is freedom, handsome, cheerful mirth; I hate a severe, froward, ignorant, ill-bred behaviour in a woman; 'tis uncivil, hang't, I'll have none on't. Ample, what think you?  Amp. 
Faith, Madam, I can only stand up for Kissing; I never ventured farther, though I would fain.  Dian. 
Thou art not of my mind; for I'll ne'er marry.  Amp. 
Marry God forbid! what will you do then?  Dian. 
e'en strive against the flesh: Marry! no, faith, Husbands are like Lots in a book, one may prick a hundred times and find all blanks. A Husband! a Hangman: a careless domineering insolent thing, that grows like Coral, whilst under water, soft and tender; but married, and above the waves, hard, stubborn, not to be bowed nor managed: whilst your humble servant, Oh how assiduous, troublesomely officious and busy; but wed, the worst-bred Tyrant and Sloven in nature. No, no, I'll live my own woman, I— and let the worst come to the worst, I had rather be called Wanton than a Fool.  Mar. 
Oh but a virtuous Marriage!  Dian. 
Virtuous Marriage! there's no more affinity between Virtue and Marriage, than a man and his Horse: Wedlock may manage Virtue in the right way, but 'tis oftener loose and unbridled. I hate restraint upon my Virtue, or to owe it to the honour of a Husband; yet I like thy match well enough, a handsome man, good humour, witty, and wild; but my Sir John is such a tool, fit to make nothing but a Cuckold of. See if they be not here.  Enter Sir John Empty and Wellman. Well. 
My sweet Marinda!  Sir John. 
Good morrow, my little Sooterkin; how is't, my pretty Life?— Nay, I call all my Mistresses so.  Dian. 
Indeed! How many Mistresses have you had?  Sir John. 
Some Nine, or thereabouts.  Dian. 
Then you have had nine lives, like a Cat.  Sir John. 
Mew— you would be kissed for that.  Dian. 
Yes, if I liked the mouth that offered it.  Sir John. 
By my troth, that must not be mine; I do not love to endanger my back with stooping so low: if you would wear Chipeeners, much might be done.— Nay, let me alone to find a Rowland for your Oliver.  Dian. 
Your pestilent wit will never make me ashamed of my shortness: the faults I can mend myself, I blush at; but those which Nature made, let her bear the shame for me, I have nothing to do with it; but you never forget to be witty on my Beauty, Sir Knight, I shall be even with you.  Sir John. 
Nor remember, by my troth, but as I do Religion, for Controversy sake only, no hurt.  Dian. 
But, Brother, for I'll now call you so, since my Father this night resolves to contract you— Shall we not have Fiddles and dance? Sir John I'm sure will make one, and my City Lover the Alderman's son, Mr. Shatter, he's a most spruce Dancer of the first bench in the School, I'll promise ye.  Sir John. 
Fore Gad, and well remembered, he borrowed a Diamond-Ring of me last night to make a Visit in to a Lady; and was't you? The Devil take me, an I had thought that, he should ne'er a had it. Adsbud he's here!  Enter Mr. Shatter. Shat. 
Good day to my fair Mistress.  Dian. 
Good morrow, sweet Mr. Shatter.  Sir John. 
Sweet Mr. Shatter! Pox on him, is he a Rival now?  Dian. 
You're fine to day, rich in Gems, Mr. Shatter.  Shat. 
A Toy, Madam, I bought to please my finger.  Dian. 
I am more precious to you than your finger; why not to oblige me? Come, I'm no professed beggar, you know.  Shat. 
Faith and troth, Madam, as I hope to be saved— Oh Lord, as the saying is— I protest upon my honour.  Dian. 
Do not pawn it for such a trifle.  Shat. 
As I'm a Gentleman, as God shall sa' me, I'll give a—  Dian. 
Is this yours to give?  Shat. 
Oh Lord, Madam, that's such a thing now, why should your Ladyship— you're the strangest Joker, I protest.—  Dian. 
Hum! now I remember, I think I have seen this on a persons hand, an humble servant of mine, one Sir John Empty.  Shat. 
Pox of her memory! a such another Madam. When, what a Devil's he to her now?  Dian. 
Nay, I'm sure this is it.  Shat. 
Troth, 'tis, Madam: the poor fellow wanted a little money to treat some women last night, and so he pawned it to me. 'Tis a Pawn, good faith, or else you should have it.  Sir John. 
Hark ye, thou base lying son of a cheating Cit., how dares thy impudence hope to prosper? Were it not for the respect I bear this noble Company, I would so bang thee!—  [Pulls him aside. Dian. 
How now, what's the matter here?  Shat. 
Nothing, Madam, nothing. He was a little uncivil with me last night; for which, because I should not call him to an account, he desired to make me any satisfaction. The Coward trembles at my very presence; but I have him on the hip, I'll take the forfeit of his Ring.  Sir John. 
Hark ye, Sir, what's that you whisper to her?  Pulls him aside. Shat. 
Nothing, Sir, but to satisfy her that the Ring was yours, not pawned to me, but lent to grace my finger; and so I told her I begged your pardon for being a little too familiar with your Reputation.  Dian. 
Yes indeed, he did; and said you would make him any satisfaction for a rudeness you did him last night, but he would take the forfeit of the Ring for't.  Sir John. 
How now, ye base Scoundrel!  Takes him roughly. Shat. 
Hold, hold, my Mistress does but rally, faith.  Dian. 
Thy Mistress! I disown thee; thou'rt a child, I'll give thee to my woman. Come, Sister, let's make us ready for the Ball anon. Come, you shall be friends.  Sir John. 
He shall renounce you then, and restore my Ring; Adsbud he shall.  Shat. 
With all my heart, to do you service, Sir.  Gives him the Ring. Sir John. 
And here I make an offer of it.  Dian. 
Well, I'll take it, Sir, to make me thine to night. Farewell, Brother, till anon.  Exit Mar. Dian. Sir John, & Amp. Well. 
To be huft thus by a Coward, a beaten Coward, what madness has possessed thee?  Shat. 
Ay, but how the Devil did I know he was a Coward? could not you have whispered me that?  Well. 
Well, Sir, I'll try to make your peace with Diana. Leave me, I've business now. [Exit Shat. Enter Friend.] How now, my friend! what news from Love? is the Lady of sin kind? prithee say how; in faith I'll not be angry.  Friend. 
Oh, Wellman! no Age did ere produce so damned a Creature so fair, and yet so false: had I been vicious, what a desperate wretched thing I'd been!  Well. 
Prithee what's the matter?  Friend. 
Heaven! I have been tempted to thy death.  Well. 
What is the Fury mad?  Friend. 
Most damnable!  Well. 
Hearing I'm to be married.  Friend. 
She raved at first like winds let loose to ruin, But fixed on this resolve, she calmed again, And listened to my love, my eager love; which when it urged her to create me happy, she pressed me to this Murder, as the way, the only means to gain her heart for ever. Mad with my flame, I could deny her nothing, and then my lawless lust, not I, protested, confirmed it with a thousand Oaths to kill ye, and bring this Ring to witness you were dead; and then her lovely body was my hire.  Well. 
Horrid! nothing's defamed but by its proper self: Physicians abuse Remedies, Lawyers spoil Law, and woman only is a shame to woman. You've vowed to kill me?  Friend. 
Most solemnly; for, friend, I must enjoy her. Oh that a man of sense should fancy pleasure in one whose soul's so black and infamous; but 'tis my fate, and I must bow before it.  Well. 
Thou shalt; I will contrive the means to satisfy thee. Come, I give a Ball to night to my Marinda; thou shalt be there: and by the way, I'll tell thee what we will do to make a seeming Quarrel, that all the world, as well as this Corina, may think I'm killed indeed, whilst I, lodged in some place obscure, may give thee time to cool this feverish blood. Show her this Ring, protest me surely dead; and when thou'rt satiated, we'll laugh at folly. Come, let us go.  Exeunt.  

SCENE changes to the street, a shop-door.  Enter Mr. Glisten and Dashit, with a great silver Bason or Punch-bowl. Enter Trickwell in the habit of a Pedlar with a box with Trinkets before him. Jervice. Dash. 
Well, Neighbour Glisten, I am beholden to you for this credit till next week, and I am pleased in my choice of this piece of Plate; a Punch-bowl is a most fashonable thing, now French Wines are prohibited: I know 'twill please my Wife. Well, I am forty pound indebted to you for't, honest Mr. Glisten.  Glist. 
Your word's sufficient, Sir, a 'twere for a thousand pound.  Dash. 
A Pox of the Rogue that robbed me! Well, I shall catch him; and if I do, he shall half rot in Fetters in the Dungeon till he despair; then I'll hire a Parson on purpose that shall persuade him he is damned; then after see him with my own eyes hanged without singing any Psalm: Lord, Lord, that he should have but one neck!  Glist. 
Oh, Neighbour, you must use a Conscience in all things; but do your will. You'll command me no farther?  Dash. 
No, only lend me your servant to carry this Bowl home to my Peg; I am to step into Leaden-hall.  Glist. 
Willingly, Sir: Here, Jervice, carry home this Plate.  Dash. 
To my Wives own hands deliver it, good Jervice.  Jer. 
I'll warrant you, Sir.  Dash. 
To her own hand, honest Jervice.  Jer. 
I have delivered better things than this to a woman's own hand, Sir, before now.  Exit Jer. with the Bowl, and Glisten in. Trick. 
Monsieur, please you to buy a very fine delicate Ball, a sweet Ball, a Camphere-ball.  Dash. 
Prithee away.  Trick. 
One a Ball to shave, one a Ball to scour.  Dash. 
Name 'em not to me, talk not of shaving; a Pox of the Rogue, I have been shaved, I have.  Exit Dashit. Trick. 
I'll shave ye smother yet: That Bowl, that delicious Bowl, I must be drunk out of; I have a fancy for't, it is too good for cheating Vintners: I say it must be mine; therefore, my worshipful Dashit, look to't: What tho there be rounds in a Ladder, and knots in a Halter? hang the Devil, I'll do't; I must draw a Lot for the great Punch-bowl.  Goes out.  

SCENE changes to Mr. Dashit's house.  Enter Mrs. Dashit and Jervice with the Bowl. Mrs. Dash. 
Nay, Jervice, stay and drink, good Jervice; and how does Mrs. Glisten? I knew her well, she was a very good patient Creature, efaith; she has born, and born, and bore again, good woman, as well as I, with a bad Husband; yet I can find no fault in Mr. Glisten: Here's to him, Jervice, he knew me before I was married; an honest man he is, [drinks] and a thrifty, I'll warrant him; and his Wife's a proper woman as any in Cheapside.  Jer. 
Yes, indeed forsooth, so she is.  Mrs. Dash. 
She paints now, and yet she keeps her Husband's Customers still. Introth, Jervice, a handsome Wife in a fine carved seat, is the best Ware in a man's shop.  Jer. 
Yes, indeed forsooth, so 'tis.  Mrs. Dash. 
But well, Jervice, remember me to your Master and Mistress, and tell 'em I acknowledge the receipt of this, acknowledge the receipt.— This 'tis to have good Education, and to be brought up in a Tavern; and though my Husband be a Citizen, all London knows I keep as good Company as any she within the Walls. Good day, honest Jervice.  Exit Jervice. Enter Trickwell dressed like a Prentice, with a Jowl of Salmon. Trick. 
Fair hour to you, Mistress.  Mrs. Dash. 
A pretty Compliment! I'll write it down: A beautiful thought to you, Sir.  Trick. 
Your Husband and my Master Mr. Glisten has sent you a Jowl of fresh Salmon, and they intent to come both to Dinner presently to season your new Bowl, forsooth, which your Husband entreats you would send back by me, that his Arms may be engraven on it, which he forgot before.  Mrs. Dashit. 
Are you sent by no Token? Nay, I have a wit.  Trick. 
Yes forsooth, by the same Token he was dry shaved this morning.  Mrs. Dash. 
A sad Token, but true: here, pray commend me to your Master and Mistress, and tell 'em I expect 'em impatiently.  Gives him the Bowl, takes the Salmon. Exit Trick. 
Impatient was well again! Sam! why Sam, I say!  Sam. 
Anon, anon, forsooth.  Mrs. Dash. 
Come quickly, spread the Table, lay Napkins, and do ye hear? perfume the Room a little; it does so smell of this profane Tobacco! I could never endure this ungodly Tobacco, since our Doctor told me 'twas a bane to Propagation.— So spread handsomely: Lord, these Boys do things so arsy-varsy! You show your breeding. Well, I am a Gentlewoman by my Sister's side, I can tell you: so— methodically. Hum! I wonder where I got that word! Oh 'twas Sir John Empty bid me kiss him methodically; 'tis a sweet man!  Enter Mr. Dashit. Mr. Dash. 
Well, Tony Dashit, be not discouraged, be not disheartened, thou wilt recover all.  Mrs. Dash. 
Oh are you come, Husband? where are they?  Dash. 
How now! how now! how now! what, a Feast towards! and in my private Parlour! Who treats, who treats, Peg?  Mrs. Dash. 
Prithee leave fooling; are they come?  Dash. 
Come! who come?  Mrs. Dash. 
Lord, How strange you make it!  Dash. 
Strange! what's strange? is the woman mad!  Mrs. Dash. 
Ay strange: You know of none that sent me a Jowl of Salmon, you— and said they would come dine with me!  Dash. 
Ha, fresh Salmon! peace, not I; peace, the Messenger has mistaken the house: let's eat it up quickly, before it be inquired for. Come, come, Vinegar quickly, Sam.— Some good luck yet, efaith; I never tasted Salmon that relished better in my life. Well, 'tis a rare thing to feed at other men's cost.  Mrs. Dash. 
Other men's cost! prithee did not you send this Salmon?  Dash. 
No, I say, no.  Mrs. Dash. 
By Mr. Glisten's man?  Dash. 
I say no.  Mrs. Dash. 
Who sent word that he and his Wife would come to dinner with me?  Dash. 
No, no.  He eats like mad all this while. He lays down, his knife and starts. Mrs. Dash. 
And hancel my new Bowl.  Dash. 
Ha, Bowl!  Mrs. Dash. 
And withal, commanded me to send the Bowl back.  Dash. 
Ha, back!  Mrs. Dash. 
That your Arms might be put on't.  Dash. 
Oh!  Mrs. Dash. 
By the same token that you were dry shaven this morning.  Dash. 
Oh!  Mrs. Dash. 
And thereupon I sent back the Bowl: nay, and I bear not a brain—  Dash. 
And is the Bowl gone? is it delivered departed? defunct? hah!  Mrs. Dash. 
Delivered? yes sure, 'tis delivered.  Dash. 
I will never more say my Prayers; and is the Bowl gone?  Mrs. Dash. 
Gone: God is my witness I delivered it with no more design to be cozened on't, than the child unborn.  Dash. 
Look to my house, I am haunted with Evil Spirits: hear me, thou Plague to man, thou Wife thou, if I have not my Bowl again, I will go to the Devil; I'll to a Conjurer: look to my house, I'll raise all the Wise men in London.  Exit in rage. Mrs. Dash. 
Bless me, what fearful words are these! I trust in God he is but drunk sure.  Enter Trick. as before. Trick. 
I must have my Salmon, I cannot afford the old Rogue so good a bit; I must have it to season my Punch. Now for a Masterpiece: Fair Mistress—  Mrs. Dash. 
Oh have I caught ye! Sam, shut up the doors, Sam.  Trick. 
Peace, good Mistress, I'll tell you all: A Jest, a mere Jest; your Husband did it only to fright ye: the Bowl's at my Masters, and thither your Husband's gone, and has sent me in all haste, lest you should be over-frighted, to invite you to come to dinner to him.  Mrs. Dash. 
Praise Heaven 'tis no worse!  Trick. 
And bade me desire you to send the Salmon before, and yourself to follow: My Mistress will be very glad to see you.  Mrs. Dash. 
I pray take it. Well, I was never so out of my wits in my life: Pray thank your Mistress. [Exit Trick. with the Salmon.] How my heart beats still, beshrew him! Sam, my Hood, Sam, and Gloves, and Scarf, quickly.  Enter Dashit. Dash. 
How now, whither are you janting, hah?  Mrs. Dash. 
Come, play the fool no longer, will you go?  Dash. 
Whither, in the name of Madness, whither?  Mrs. Dash. 
Whither! why to Mr. Glisten's to eat the Salmon. How strange you make it!  Dash. 
Your meaning, Jade, your meaning.  Mrs. Dash. 
Lord bless me, did not you send for me and for the Salmon, by the selfsame fellow that came for the Bowl?  Dash. 
'Tis well, 'tis wondrous well! and are you in your right wits, Jade, are you?  Mrs. Dash. 
An you make an Ass of me, I'll make an Ox of you, I tell ye that.  Dash. 
Nay, Jade, be patient; for look ye, I may be mad, or drunk, or so; though you can bear more than I, I do well: I will not curse; but Heaven knows my mind. Come, let's go hear some Music. I will never pray again, that's certain: Let's go hear some doleful Music. Nay; if Heaven forget to prosper Knaves, the city's like to thrive: I'll go hang myself out of the way.    

ACT the Fourth.  

SCENE the First.  Enter Sir Lionel, Mr. Wellman, Friendly, Sir John Empty, Mr. Shatter, Marinda, Diana, Petronella, and other women and men; with Music. Sir Ly. 
MOre Lights there, Boy, more Wine and Lights.— Come, come, son Wellman, for so I must call you now; introth you are not merry, Sir, not heartily merry: Come, we'll have t'other Dance, efact we will, Mr. Wellman. Diana, when Girl, I say! Adsme you're all out of sorts; I thought thy Tongue and heels could never have been idle: Come, come, hands, hands, for shame.  Sir John. 
Come, Mrs. Diana, I'm your man at this sport; I never stand out at these businesses: Your hand, fair Mistress.  [Snatches her hand. Friend. 
You lie, Sir.  Sir John. 
Do I, Sir? I vow to God, I ask your pardon, Sir; I durst to have sworn I'd been in the right.  Dian. 
What, quarrelling about the Spoil before the Victory!  Sir John. 
Nay, Madam, as for that matter, I'm a man of Reason, and Frank Friendly's an honest fellow, and my friend.  Friend. 
You lie again, Sir.  Sir John. 
Well, well, Sir, you are disposed to be merry, or so, but there be more Ladies— When, what the Devil ails he, trow?  Shat. 
Pox on't, how rarely he huffs now! Well, it's a most admirable thing this same Courage, if a man had but the knack on't!  Sir Ly. 
Come, Zouks, you're tardy, villainous: Young Men and Maids, to't, to't, I say, and do not idle time. Come, Minstrels, play away, efaith my dancing-days are not done yet.  Music plays, they dance, at the end of which, Well. speaks. Well. 
Friendly, you're out.  Friend. 
Death, you lie!  Strikes him, he draws, they pass, the Company puts in all but Shat. & Sir John, who run in corners. Sir Ly. 
The Quarrel, Gentlemen, the Quarrel! efaith, here's fine doings!  Friend. 
Oh, Sir, you have the advantage of the place.  Well. 
I do believe I have; and you're not safe here: I'll meet you, Sir, anon.  Whispers. Friend. 
Do so. Farewell.  Mar. 
For Heaven's sake, Sir, come back— what would you do? if there be aught that you take ill from Well man, declare it here, and let us end the Quarrel. I know 'tis some mistake; I know he loves you: let not a trifle set such friends at odds. Speak to him, Sister.  Dian. 
Why how now, Sir, is this the proof you give me of your Love! Oh you have showed yourself a gallant Spark! I thought it Jealousy, and took it kindly your rudeness to our Knight here; but to a friend, at least the man you call so, gives me some cause to fear you're angry at his Contract with my Sister. Be friends, or I'll believe so.  Friend. 
Do so, I care not.  Dian. 
Ha! do you not love me? Do not make me serious, I shall be out of humour if you do; and Heaven knows what a strange thing I may prove then; I never tried it yet.  Friend. 
I care not; pray unhand me.  Dian. 
I will, in spite of all that would detain thee. I never found myself thus much concerned.  Sir Ly. 
What sudden flaw is this?  Well. 
By Heaven, I know not, Sir, unless some hidden flame for thee—  Mar. 
It cannot be, I never saw a glance, a look, or smile, could be suspected Love: 'tis some old Grudge. Dear, do not follow him, my heart presages something that is fatal. [weeps.] Good Sir persuade him. To Sir lion.  Sir Ly. 
Away, ye fool, persuade him not to fight! away, a Coward! hang't, he were not worth thy love then.  Well. 
Honour, my Deer, obliges me to go. Wouldst have the man that has thy heart in keeping, be pointed out for Cowardice? Away, thou needst not fear, we shall at most only exchange a Wound. Thy sacred Image guards my heart entire, and keeps it safe from danger. Go to the Banquet, entertain the Ladies, and be merry.  Sir Ly. 
By Cock's bones shall she, and be very merry, to think she's like to have so brisk a Spark to her Bed-fellow. Go thy ways, William, and God's blessing go with thee, Boy: if thou wants a second, I can push yet, I'm not so old efaith.  Well. 
I humbly thank ye, Sir; we shall think better on't perhaps before we fight.  Dian. 
Or shall Sir John go? he's a man of mettle, I assure you, Brother.  Sir John. 
What the Devil do ye mean! I have mind to take this opportunity to be with thee, thou little wanton—  Friend. 
Fear not, Sir, I'll excuse ye.  Goes out bowing to Mar. Sir John. 
You little amiable mischievous Ape you, what a seurvie malicious Jest did you break upon me, to make the Proverb good, You had rather lose your Friend than your Jest?  Dian. 
A Jest! it was a perilous true one then: I said you were all Mettle; A brazen face, a leaden brain, and a copper nose and beard.  Sir John. 
Wit, Lightning, and Quicksilver, thou little more than Dwarf, and something less than woman.  Dian. 
A Wasp, a Wasp! Your Wit stings, Sir.  Sir John. 
Thou'rt plaguy sharp; pray God thou be'st not too far gone in Love; if thou shouldst, I must be forced in honour to marry thee, though introthed would be hardly brought about.  Dian. 
No matter, Sir; things got by struggling, bring the greater pleasure, when dull Consent but palls the Appetite. Then thou'rt a fool too, the most admirable necessary for a Husband in the whole Creation, and the best Block to carve a Cuckold in.  Sir John. 
When, what a tart Monkey's this! By my troth if thou hadst not so much wit, I could find in my heart to take thee for better for worse; for I find thou couldst bear me with all my faults.  Dian. 
Bear with thee! I wonder how thy Mother bore thee nine whole months about her, when I'll be sworn I can scarce endure thee in my sight an hour.  Sir John. 
Alas for you, sweet Soul, good lack! A pox of your Wit: By the Lord Harry, you are the proudest, scoffing, scurvy, idle, fantastical, whimsical— Adds nigs, because you have read St. George for England, Amades de Gall, and the Legend of Lies, you are licenced, forsooth, to abuse all the world: Egad, Sir Lionel, your Father shall know't.  Offers to go out. Dian. 
He must not tho— Nay, do not go in Rancour, good dear Knight; for I must confess a secret to you; which if you knew my heart, you would believe there were nothing so cruel there as you imagine. I speak very kind things of you between my Maid and I anight as I am going to bed, and next my Prayers too, Heaven forgive me! I spoke things of you that I would not wish you should know.  Sir John. 
Nay, look ye, for my part, if I have not most religiously vowed my heart yours, been drunk twice a day to your health, swallowed Fire and inches of your Cuff-strings, eat Candles, pledged your health in chamber-lye, run Pins into my Arms, and done all manner of gallant and heroic actions, I'm the veriest son of a Whore breathing; and yet to tell me after all this, I have a brazen face, a leaden brain, and a copper nose, [weeps.] 'tis most intolerable, insupportable, and prodigious, I'll be sworn.  Dian. 
And the ye love me so indeed?  Sir John. 
Love you! 'Sbud, whosoever says I do not, and honour you too, Egad; nay, and if you would, would marry you, is a son of a Whore, and a Scoundrel, by the Lord.  Dian. 
And let me tell you in return, that— Heaven forgive me! And my Sister knows I have took drink and slept upon't, that if ever I marry, it shall be you; and I will marry, and yet I hope I do not say it shall be you neither. Come, let's to the Banquet.  Sir John. 
Oh, dear Creature, I do not say you do: Lord, how was I mistaken in thy heart! But will you hereafter cast a kind look at me, to put me in countenance before Company? That I would be at now.  Dian. 
Much may be done. Come, let's to the Banquet.  Sir John. 
And will you, my pretty little Darling of mine eyes, marry me? As I hope to breath, my Purse, body, Soul and all, shall be thine.  Dian. 
Most affectionately spoken! Well, get my Father's consent, and as for mine— the Devil take me if ever thou gets it.  [Aside. Sir John. 
A Kiss, and 'tis a Match. Thus Hymen should begin; A falling out, sometimes proves falling in.  Exeunt. Enter Wellman and Friendly, as in the street. Well. 
Well, my dear friend, tell me with open heart, hath not my Reasoning reclaimed thy Folly, preserved thy falling Virtue, and secured it?  Friend. 
There is no Virtue in Blood, no Reasoning in Desire: But shall I not in this fond act of Love, do that which will to thee render my name abhorred, and make thee hate me?  Well. 
By Heaven, no.  Friend. 
And shall I then? may I enjoy Corina?  Well. 
Thou shalt, by all our Friendships. Here, take this Ring, show it to that fair Devil, it will confirm me dead; which rumour, with my absence, will make good— Possess thy Love, grow weary in her Arms, then be thyself again.  Friend. 
But if Report grows strong, and I am seized, where shall I find thee?  Well. 
At Glistens my Goldsmith in Cheapside, to whom I'll tell our business and design.  Friend. 
Thither I'll come and tell thee how I thrive. Till when, farewell.  Goes out. Well. 
When woman's in 〈◊〉 heart, the soul's all hell. Now Repentance, the after-clap of Fools, light on thee; I have an Art left that may reclaim thee yet. I'll make thee fall into the vilest dangers, even worse than woman's Lust. No Goldsmith will I see, or tell my story to, but in some sit disguise I'll hide myself impossible to be discovered, and leave thee to two friends, a Whore and Law, that will be plague sufficient for one man; but is this friendship in me? [pawses.] No matter:  
No man is purely virtuous, no Virtue purely kind;  
The end being good, the way is well designed.  Goes out.  

SCENE changes to Corina's house.  Enter Corina in anger, followed by Trickwell with Plate, and Mrs. Dunwell. Cor. 
Oh, impudence, am I then fallen so low to be solicited by Pimps and Panders! Hell take the trade, if this be the effects on't.  Trick. 
Madam, whatever you may think of me, my Present has the show of Quality; here's Plate, a Present that a Lord might make ye; and I was once a Gentleman, though I am fallen so low by faithless Vice, yet tho undone, poor and deprived of all, I have a heart and will, that still remains, and fain would venture on when Beauty calls. And if I have a stock, which Heaven and my own industry has lent, I must employ it still to that dear use. Take first this little Tribute of my conquered heart; I may in time increase it: were it Crowns, here they should all be offered.  Cor. 
And thus I'd spurn away: Base servile Villain, who livest by Noise and Riot, spunging upon the drops that fall from Gentlemen, canst thou believe that after Wellman's love, I could receive a Rascal to my Arms?  Trick. 
If I were there, you'd find but little difference; and possibly the next they entertain may fail to pay this price I offer ye. This Rascal and that beauteous haughty thing, bating the Sex, differ but very little. I live by Brawls, by rapine, and by Spoils, in Fears, Vexations, Dangers, so do you; I eat when I can get a fool to treat me, and you can do no more: Pox of your pride, methinks we two might understand each other; you've no Gallant to take your Quarrels up; you reigned when time was, and I'll do so now, for you have known my love, shall find my power, though yet I ne'er durst tell you so.  Cor. 
Nor shall not yet; for though that Lover's gone, who but to look on would have made thee tremble, I've Beauty still that may command another Beauty whose very glance should make thee bow: Gods! and has it lost its awe?  Trick. 
It has, and I'm resolved upon a Conquest.  Cor. 
Death, Sirrah! stand off, and view my fatal hand, it carries death to the bold Ravisher, that dares approach unreverendly. A Whore! what though to her that bears it 'tis a shame, an infamy that cannot be supported? to all the world besides it bears a mighty sound, petitioned, sued to, worshipped as a God, presented, flattered, followed, sacrificed to, Monarch of Monarchs, Tyrant of the world, what does that charming word not signify! And darest thou raise thy hated eyes so high to gaze on such a Constellation! No, be gone, with all thy base-got worthless Trifles, quickly pack up, and hence, or I will kill thee.  Goes out. Dun. 
So, Sir, you had better have looked no higher than Mrs. Mary Dunwell, who can down with you when money's low; but when once a little in Pocket, you are for high feeding, forsooth. Go get you gone, I may chance take pity on you when her passion's over, and do you some service.  Trick. 
No, by Heaven, I'll try my chance this very minute, throw my last Cast, for the great Stake is set, and will enjoy her now.  Goes in and knocks. Dun. 
Ha! here's somebody I hope will interrupt you.  Opens the door. Enter Wellman disguised. 
What would you, Sir? would you have aught with me? A proper handsome fellow, but ill dressed.  Aside. Well. 
Madam, I am a Gentleman grown poor, decayed by fortune, and would gladly serve: I can obey, could you direct me where.  Dun. 
This fellow would serve my turn most admirably! but if I could— you would grow proud with feeding well and clean Linen.  Well. 
I am not bred so ill, but I can tell how to be grateful to you.  Dun. 
Introth he apprehends most discreetly— but you're too big to wear a Livery.  Well. 
Not at all; 'tis the fashion now for Ladies to keep tall men in Liveries: your Page is out of fashion, and your stripling Footman.  Cor. 
[within] Help! help! undone! Oh help!  Well. 
Ha, what noise is that!  Draws, and runs in. Dun. 
Heavens! the Rogue sure was ravishing her.  Enter Wellman dragging in Trickwell, Corina follows disordered. Well. 
Damned saucy Villain, what was thy pretence?  Trick. 
What's that to thee, bold interrupting Slave, sent by the Devil to hinder my delight?  Well. 
Dog—  Going to kill him. Cor. 
Hold, do not kill the Rascal; 'tis enough you've saved me from his mischiefs: pray let him go.  Well. 
'Tis pity, but I will obey. Take that, and that, that, ye Mongrel Cur; Dogs should be used so. [Kicks him out.] Death! what a very wretched thing's a Whore, that every Rascal dares approach with Love!  Aside. Cor. 
Who are ye, pray, to whom I'm so obliged?  Well. 
One that would gladly serve in any quality.  Cor. 
I'll do thee good; take that. [Gives him money.] I will prefer thee to some man of Quality: Mean time make this your home.  Well. 
I wonder whether Friendly has been here!  Aside. Dun. 
Madam, one knocks; shall any have admittance?  Cor. 
Only false Wellman's Friend. You may retire, and wait my farther pleasure.  Exit Dun. Well. 
I'll overhear ye too.  Exit Will. Enter Dunwell and Friendly. Friend. 
Now, my dear Mistress, Soul of my desires, I come with all the Spoils of conquering Love, to lay 'em at thy feet. My Stop is dead, the Stop of all my ravishing Happiness; and here's the witness of my Victory.  [Kneeling presents her the Ring. Cor. 
Dead! Wellman dead! Oh thou inhuman friend, that borest that title only to betray him! Dead! and by thee! Heaven, can you let him live! Support me, or I fall to earth with this sad killing news.  Seems to faint. Friend. 
Heavens, Madam, what d'ye mean? or shall I vow to you he is not dead?  Cor. 
Ha! not dead!  Friend. 
What would you have me do? When I confirm him dead, you grow enraged; and when I say he lives, you kill with frowns.  Cor. 
Traitor, and hast thou then deceived my hopes? and is not Wellman dead? Hell, what is man! how didst thou swear, how didst thou prostrate lie, and begged to give me any proof of thy false Passion? I asked thee this; and is it thus you give it! Oh for a quick revenging Power to kill thee!  Friend. 
Calm that dear angry face, and tell my Love which way it best shall please.  Cor. 
Is't in thy choice, perjured, forsworn, and false, to tell me either? Damn thy double Tongue, and all this Beauty that misled thy truth, if thou hadst ever any in thy soul.  Friend. 
Then since it is my destiny to offend, which way soe'er I take I'll follow truth, and tell you, Madam, all your strict Commands I did obey, and Wellman is no more.  Cor. 
No more! why what hadst thou to do with my Commands? Oh thou hast killed all that my soul could love! Tho I commanded, yet he was thy friend, and that in generosity should have saved him. Go from my eyes, far from my thoughts remain.  Friend. 
Is this then the reward of all my Love? What have I done, but been obedient? Had I prized my Friendship above that Love, would you have took it well? Yes, I will be gone, and to the judging world  
Prove who's the greater Criminal you or I:  
I killed a Friend, you make a Lover die.  Cor. 
I must not let him go, till I'm revenged. Stay, I relent; Oh stay, and give my heart a little time to take leave of its old acquaintance, ere it'go to make a new and unknown choice again. Alas, I loved this Wellman, loved him dearly, more than my life.  Weeps. Friend. 
Why did you kill him then?  Cor. 
Why, in my own defence; he gave the first, I fear the mortal wound.  Friend. 
Then think it just, and think of him no more, but of the dear reward you are to give for all my service. Come, will you not?  Cor. 
I will; but you'll receive it decently, and not with hands distained i'th'blood of him that lately was so dear to me?  Friend. 
Still on that subject? do not put me off; I've left the business of my life undone, and had not power to go about my Pardon, so hasty for the dear reward I was; and is it thus you treat me?  Cor. 
You'll find me all you wish, give me an hours time to compose myself; and all this upon my brow is but a modest decency; one hour of joy will chase it all away.  Friend. 
Do not you dally with me?  Cor. 
No by Heaven, when you return I'll give ye your reward, and what you most deserve— a Halter 'tis, [Aside.] false and perfidious wretch.  Friend. 
Here, keep this Ring, and think each minute's absence is a long year in love. Farewell.  Exit. Cor. 
Farewell, vain credulous treacherous fool, farewell. Mischief inspire me now with all your Arts; methinks the sight of this instructs my Soul in a most noble piece of Villainy: I will to fair Marinda with this Ring, and frame a story of so cunning mischief, shall stab her through the ear into the heart. By Heaven, 'tis greatly brave, and I'll begin it: Then when this false believer does return, I'll be prepared for him— What, Hoe, who waits?  Enter Dunwell and Wellman. Well. 
Now what a Devil is this woman grown!  Aside. Cor. 
My Hoods and Fan, and call a Coach immediately: [Exit Dun.] and you, Sir, I must beg to wait on me.  Well. 
Where ever you command.— This was happy!  Ex. all.  

SCENE changes to Sir Lyonell's house.  Enter Sir Lionel, Marinda, Diana and Maid, and Sir John. Mar. 
Nay, good Sir, be not angry that I sent; I was afraid some harm would come of it, and so I fear there is.  Sir Ly. 
And did no one hear of him?  Mar. 
None; pray Heaven he be well; my heart misgives me.  Sir Ly. 
Well, if he be lost, there's a brave fellow gone, and in a time the King had need of Soldiers; there's idle Husbands enough for you, Baggages.  Dian. 
I have a little kind of a scurvy pain too, which I do not use to feel about my heart, for Friendly— but none shall see it in my troubled looks: not that I care who knew the loving secret, but I'll not be laughed at.  Sir Ly. 
Leave your whimpering, do: Would thou hadst a heart like thy Sister here. When would she cry for a man thus?  Dian. 
Faith, Sir, when I have as much need of a man as she, that is, when I want one, I cannot dissemble.  Sir John. 
Look ye, Sir, she has need enough, and thanks to fortune she's provided for, with your good liking, noble Sir Lionel.  Sir Ly. 
Come, Sir, let's have one Marriage well over, before we think of another. Would we could hear of these Sparks too; 'tis almost midnight: they might have stayed till daylight, and have killed one another like Christians decently, not by dark, as Cats and Dogs worry each other. I know not what to think on't.  Enter a Boy. Boy. 
Here's a Lady in a Coach below desires to speak with you.  Sir Ly. 
A Lady at this hour! she shall be welcome; old as I am, I'll not deny a Lady.  Exit Boy. Enter Corina and Wellman disguised. Sir Ly. 
I hope your business is with me, fair Lady.  Dian. 
'Twou'd be but ill dispatched then.  Cor. 
I know not, Sir; first let me crave your name, or are you Father to the fair Marinda?  Sir Ly. 
I am, fair Mistress, for want of a better. By the Mass she's very handsome! [aside.] This is the Maid you name.  Cor. 
My time's but short, and what I have to say I must dispatch. Madam, you had a Lover once, Young Wellman!  Mar. 
Had! (good Heavens!) I hope and have.  Cor. 
No, Friendly has basely killed him.  Mar. 
Oh wretched lost Marinda!  Swoons. Sir Ly. 
Look to my Daughter!  Cor. 
Madam, look up; this great concern he merits not: 'twas pity brought me here to undeceive ye; his Vows and Soul were mine, entirely mine.  Mar. 
Why didst thou call me back to life again, or say in pity that you undeceived me? If you knew Wellman false, why did you stay me? You should have let me died, 't had been more charitable; but if, as you affirm, he loved you best, which I believe from that fair form of yours, whilst I remain I needs must love you too.  Dian. 
This must be malice sure!  Cor. 
Madam, do ye know this Ring? he gave it me, and told me such things of your tiresome Passion, as gave us cause of laughter all the evening.  Mar. 
I cannot blame him that he loved me not, when so much Beauty as appears in you, gave him permission to adore it: but methinks 'twas ungentile to make a sport of me; he should have pitied follies he created: he loved me first; alas, I sought him not. [weeps.] Help me, Diana, for I feeble grow! To morrow should have been my Wedding-day, now I invite you to my Funeral; bring Flowers and strew the way to my cold Grave, and lay me down in peace.  Sir Ly. 
Lead her in, and be careful of her; but, Madam—  Talks aside. Well. 
I cannot hold, I must reveal myself; [going stops] Yet stay, Heavens, shall I suffer her to die▪ so good, so gentle, and so sweet a Mistress? Were there but three such women in the world, two might be saved.— Yes, I'll have patience yet to see the utmost that this Devil aims at.  Sir Ly. 
Confessed it, said ye, Madam? and to you? on what Acquaintance, pray?  Cor. 
He was in love with me; and seeing no hope of gaining me whilst Wellman was alive, he picked a Quarrel with him, and dispatched him, and vaunted of the Villainy to me. Please you to go where I'll direct you, Sir, he shall confess the Murder.  Sir Ly. 
Madam, I'll go; and you, Sir John must bear me company.  Sir John. 
With all my heart, Sir.  Sir Ly. 
Madam, your hand. Roger, go you to Mr. Constable, bid him be ready if I have occasion, and careful who passes the streets to night.  Exeunt all.  

SCENE the Street.  Enter Dashit and Sam. Dash. 
Sayst thou, Sam, at one Mrs. Dunwell's house? when, she's a Bawd.  Sam. 
Yes, Sir, or my intelligence is false. There lies a Lady, Sir, with whom he's desperately in love; and having no purchase-money, 'tis thought, hires the Bawd at the price of's own body, to get the young Lady, Sir: They call her Corina.  Dash. 
Lord, Lord, what will this wicked world come to! And there thou sayest I may be sure to find this villainous Trickwell.  Sam. 
He never lies from thence all day, Sir, as I am informed; 'tis now about his hour of departure, and this way he must come.  Dash. 
Get ye home, Sam; I'll e'en take Mr. Constable and a Watchman or two, and fall to searching. Get ye home, Sam, thou shalt have a new Suit for this, honest Sam. [Exit Sam. Well, if I catch the Rogue, he shall be hanged in lousy linen: I'll hire a Priest to make a Papist of him before Execution; and when he's dead, I'll piss on's Grave.—  Enter Trickwell in a cloak. 
But stay, who comes here? this may be he.  Trick. 
Damn this Corina, this proud scornful Beauty, whom I must humble and enjoy. I know I am a Rogue not worthy of her love, a Rascal that have no one Good about me, but that I love: And this damned Bawd, to keep me to herself, disgraces me to Corina.  Dash. 
Ay, ay, this must be he— Ware shaving, Sir: What ho, the Watch! the Watch! Takes hold of Trickwell ' s Cloak.  Trick. 
Death! 'tis Dashit's voice! [Gets from him, and runs out, leaving his Cloak behind with Dashit.  
Thiefs! Thiefs! stop Thiefs!  Runs out, Dashit after. Enter the Watch after, met by Trickwell. Const. 
Who goes there? come before the Constable.  Trick. 
Death, you are a pretty fellow of a Constable, to represent the King's Person indeed! here's a Watch for the Devil! honest men are robbed under your Noses. A Rascal in the habit of a Vintner set upon me, cried stand and deliver, in the King's Highway; he would have had my Purse, but that my heels saved it: Yet he got my Cloak of rich Camlet, I'll be sworn, new and fair this morning. If you light on him, seize him, and keep him in the Stocks till the Cloak will hang him.  Const. 
Doubt not our diligence, Master, these dangerous times.  1 Watch. 
Something to drink, Master, we that take pains for the good of the Nation.  Trick. 
Honest men, watch and sleep not. Good night.  Goes out. 1 Watch. 
Well, Master, we must watch better indeed. Is't not strange that Knaves, Rogues, and Thiefs, should be abroad, and yet we of the Watch, Scrivenors, Exchange-men, and Tailors, never stir a foot!  Enter Dashit running with the Cloak. Const. 
Who goes there?  Dash. 
An honest man and a Citizen.  1 Watch. 
The Knave's drunk, and speaks Riddles.  Const. 
Come afore the Constable; what art thou?  Dash. 
A Vintner.  Const. 
Bring him near: Ha, what's here, the Cloak?  1 Watch. 
Oh, Mr. Vintner! is't you? Hold, a rich Camlet-Cloak; 'tis the same.  Const. 
Oh thou Varlet, does not thou know the Wicked cannot scape the eyes of the Constable?  Dash. 
What means all this? as I'm an honest man and a Citizen, I took the Cloak—  Const. 
As you're a Knave, you took the Cloak; we are your witnesses for that.  Dash. 
But, Neighbours, hear me, hear who I am.  1 Watch. 
A Thief you are, we know.  Dash. 
My name is Dashit.  Const. 
ay, I, we'll dash ye: in with him to the Stocks there, and lock him fast till morning, that Justice Lackbrain may examine him.  Dash. 
When, but hark ye—  Const. 
Away with him.  Dash. 
Mr. Constable—  Const. 
In, I say.  Locks him in the Stocks. Dash. 
Am I not stark mad yet, not quite an Ass?  1 Watch. 
You may be in good time, in grace a God, Sir. Well, what would this City do, if 'twere not for-such necessary Tyrants as ourselves to ride the freeborn Jades, and humble 'em?  2 Watch. 
Prithee hold thy prating, mind our-duties, and let's go sleep in the fear of the Lord.  [Ex. all but Dash. in the Stocks. Enter Trickwell. Dash. 
Who's there? So ho! so ho! [to him Trick. like a Bellman. I shall be mad, lose my wits, and then be hanged. Who goes there I say? thou mayst approach without fear, I'm fast by the heels.  Trick. 
'Tis Dashit!  Rings his Bell. 
Maids in your Night-rails,  
Look to your light Tails,  
Keep close your Locks,  
And down your Smocks;  
Keep a broad Eye,  
And a close Thigh.  
Good morrow, my Masters all, good morrow.  Dash. 
A Pox of Eyes and Thighs! When, Bellman.  [Trick. comes to him, holds his Lantern. Trick. 
[Through the Nose.] Good lack, good lack, Mr. Dashit! when, what does your Worship in the Stocks? pray come out, Sir.  Dash. 
Out, Sir! when, I tell thee I am locked.  Trick. 
Locked! Oh Men, Oh Manners! Oh Times, Oh Night! that canst not discern gravity and wisdom, in one of the Common-Council too! When, what's your Worship in for?  Dash. 
For? a Plague on't, suspicion of Felony.  Trick. 
Nay, an't be such a trifle, Lord, I could weep to see your good Worship in this taking: Your Worship has been a good friend to me; and though you have forgot me, I have found your Worship's doors open, and I have knocked, and God knows what I have saved; and do I live to see your Worship stocked?  Dash. 
Ha! alas, honest man, thou knows me then: Prithee call the Watch, and let the Constable know who I am, prithee do; and here, I have some money about me.  Trick. 
'Tis more than I deserve, Sir; let me alone for your delivery.  Dash. 
Do so, honest Bellman, and then let me alone with that Knave Trickwell.  Trick. 
Maids in your Night-rails, etc.  Crying and ringing. Going out, enter Constable and Watch. 
Mr. Constable, who's in the Stocks?  Const. 
One Dashit, for a Robbery. Dashit he calls himself: dost know him?  Trick. 
Know him!— Well, Mr. Constable, what good have you done the City! Know him! a most notorious Thief; his house has been suspected for a Bawdy-house many a year; a harbourer of Cutpurses and Nightwalkers; he has been a long time in the black blook, and is he taken now?  1 Watch. 
How? Burladie, Neighbour, we'll not trust the Stocks with him; we'll to Newgate with him to rights.  Const. 
Well moved, Simon. Come, Sir, come, Sir, out with him.  Dash. 
Oh, does your Raskalships know me now? I thought you would know me in the end.  Const. 
Yes, the end of your worship we know.  Dash. 
Ay, here's an honest fellow can inform ye.  Const. 
Yes, we thank him, he has informed us you are a Pimp and a Thief. Bind him fast, and to Newgate with him.  Dash. 
To Newgate! why Bellman, Rogue, Rascal? To Newgate, amongst the profane Jesuits too? oh, oh!  Exit the Watch with Dashit. Trick. 
So, thou art like to thrive in thy Knavery: Roguery prospers with thee. To morrow is the Sessions at the Old-baily; I'll make him shrink with fear, ere I have done. Could I but be revenged on this Corina,  
I should be prosperous indeed;  
Some little Devil help me at a pinch at need.  Exit.   

ACT the Fifth.  

SCENE the First. Corina's House.  Table and Lights. Enter Sir Lyonel, Sir John, Corina and Wellman, disguised. Cor. 
THis is my Lodging, Gentlemen; where, if you'll please to wait a little, you shall both see and hear the truth of what I've told you.  Sir lion. 
But, Madam, Did he tell you he had killed his Friend? tell you himself, 'tis strange!  Cor. 
Sir, If you find I wrong him, let me die. He came all breathless, panting to my Chamber, his Sword all bloody, prayed me to conceal him, for he had murdered Wellman.  Sir Joh. 
Under favour, Madam, what quarrel had they, said he, 'tis a most rare Creature, I'm half in Love already.  Cor. 
Innocently was the unhappy cause; they loved me, both were Rivals in my Favour, nor knew I which my heart inclined to most; Wellman had Wit, Youth, gaiety and good Humour, lovely, well made, fit to engage a heart; and Friendly too was handsome, very discreet, very Amorous, soft in his Language, modest in his Actions; and tho' their Charms were different, yet 'twas hard to say who was the greater Conqueror; so I by favouring both, made either jealous.  Sir Joh. 
S'bud, would I had shared of that without the danger?  [aside. Sir Ly. 
But Wellman was to have married my Daughter Marinda; to morrow was the day.  Cor. 
To please his Father, Sir, he made you think so, he has oft with sighs to me confessed he could not love Marinda, I hope she will believe, and die in rage, and then I should lie contented in my Grave.  [aside. Sir Ly. 
I pity thee, in troth now; but he was such a Villain, that but for his Father's sake I'd let him die unrevenged— but Sir Jeffery Wellman's my Friend, and therefore I'll be disposed by you.  Enter Dunwell. Dunw. 
Madam, here's the Villainous man come— as gay as a young Bridegroom.  Cor. 
Pray Sir retire with these Gentlemen into my Closet, and you shall hear he will confess the murder, and having witness, you may apprehend him, and do you the while prepare the Watch, and let 'em wait below.  Well. 
With what a Fury is a Whore enraged?  [Puts Sir Lyonel and Sir John into the Closet, and Wellman and Dunwell go out. Cor. 
So now my Revenge grows high, could I but hang this Friendly, which I would because 'twas Wellman's Friend, and make Marinda mad,  
Oh! with what Joy I'd follow— for 'tis I  
Must end the last Act of the Tragedy.  Enter to her Friendly fine. Friend. 
Now, my Corina, now, my Heavenly Fair,  
I come to take that Joy which from thy Eyes  
I find thou wilt allow my panting heart—  
And here upon my knees receive my Vow;  
If ever I prove false to so much Beauty  
May I be ever scorned by Men and Heaven!  
Oh! the excessive Joy that fills my Soul  
With thought of my approaching happiness.  
Come, le's draw nearer to our bliss, thy Chamber—  Cor. 
But stay—  [Draws him near the Closet. Fri. 
Oh! do not kill me with that fatal stay.  Cor. 
You have not told me yet how you killed Wellman.  Fri. 
Oh! name him not, some fit of Love or Rage will seize thy Soul at naming him, and ruin me. My dear Corina, Mistress of my Life, name him no more.  Cor. 
Now, on thy Life, by all I hold most dear, now Wellman is no more, the repetition will be wondrous grateful. Prithee, how fell the perjured faithless man? tell it me o'er again, and I'll resign myself for ever to thy Arms.  Fri. 
Tell thee and take thee! Were each word Blasphemy, would every Syllable betray my Life, I'd haste to utter it for that Reward: though I can tell no more than what I've done already— that we met at a Ball, prepared for the contracting of Wellman to Marinda; where I being out in a Dance, or I at least pretending so, I struck him, we drew, but being parted there, I challenged him out, and it being late, we fought i'th' street, where I had th' Advantage of him and killed him.  Cor. 
What did you with the Body?  Fri. 
Dragged it into Fleet Ditch, with the next Tide to float where Fortune pleased, and slew my dear Corina—  Cor. 
You shall die for't, fond easy Fool—  Enter Sir Lyonel, Sir John, and lay hold of him: Wellman from below with Officers. Sir Ly. 
Seize the Murderer, Oh wicked Villain, base and treacherous!  Fri. 
Base and perfidious Woman! hold off your hands, and let me ask this Devil, why she does thus.  Cor. 
Ah fool! that couldst believe my Love so slight to let thee live, that murdered him I lived for.  Fri. 
Well ye Gods! you have reclaimed my Wildness, and brought me back to man,— and now I see the Strong Deformity of sinful Passion.  Sir Ly. 
Come, Come, Sir, we came not here to talk, 'tis Morning already, carry him directly to the Old Bailie, the Sessions is now, and let him be hanged out of the way.  Fri. 
You've Reason Sir, and deserve this Usage, but yet unhand me— thus I'd been served had I indeed killed Wellman! but Sir he lives, lives at his Goldsmiths, one Glister in Cheapside.  Cor. 
Heavens! Lives! Lives to be married! Oh—  Sir Ly. 
We are not to believe that Sir, to Prison with him till▪ he can prove this true.  Fri. 
No rudeness Sir, I'll go unguarded— Death! what a vile, poor, degenerate thing, a Mercenary Woman is—  Sir Joh. 
How, a Mercenary Woman? Where the Devil have I lived, and how past my time, I knew her not before— this is her Man— I must get acquainted with him,— Friend— a Word I pray.  Sir Ly. 
How Sir, this Woman set you on! nay then Mr. Constable, pray lay hold of her, and see her forth coming.  Cor. 
With Joy, since Wellman lives, and lives to be perjured, no matter what becomes of poor lost me.  [weeping. Fri. 
No Sir, let me instruct you, take my Word I am a Gentleman, and known to you, she shall be forth coming if there be an Occasion, tho' she be false she is a Woman still, a beauteous lovely Woman— come Sir I'll follow you.  [Dunwel leads in Corina. Well. 
I've yet a little Pity on my Heart, and that forsaken Beauty I have ruined.  [and looking on. Sir Joh. 
But Sir you do not mind me.  Well. 
Said you Sir?  Sir Joh. 
I asked you Sir, who this Lady was, to whom I perceive you belong; whether a man may be welcome for his Money— you conceive me.  Well. 
Sir?  [Angryly. Sir Joh. 
Nay Sir, I ask your Pardon Sir, no Offence I hope; I'm a Knight by Birth Sir, and have Sir, some sixteen hundred a year Sir, no contemptible Fortune for a Gallant.  Well. 
A Gallant Sir?  Sir Joh. 
When yes Sir, a Gallant Sir, when what a Devil, I speak no Treason I hope in the Lord.  Well. 
But Sir you do as bad, this Lady is of Quality, and has a Fortune too, or if she had not, she has Beauty sufficient to entitle her to be a wife.  Sir Joh. 
Say you so Friend, I must confess I am very much taken with her Beauty, but that I have a sort of an Engagement upon my Person, to Mrs. Diana now, but I like this better by much Sir; and if she can but clear herself of the Business of this Murder, and has but any reasonable Fortune— and I get myself off this Diana—  Well. 
Who is she Sir?  Sir Joh. 
Sir Lyonel Worthies Daughter Sir, a little learing Titt as any's in England.  Well. 
Sir to serve you, could you help me to the Speech of her, I would do much, and have some artful Cunning.  Sir Joh. 
Help thee, when I'll carry thee immediately man, but do't so, as she may be very willing to part with me— or else, poor thing, 'twill grieve me to disappoint her.  Well. 
I'll warrant you for doing that; and clearing this Lady, and securing you a Portion.  Sir Joh. 
E Gad, and I'm a Man made then— come along thou shalt have a handsome Reward for thy Pains too.  [Exeunt.  

SCENE Sir Lyonel's House  Two Chairs, a Table. Enter Marinda, and Diana, and Maid. Mar. 
But Sister is't a Sin to hang one's self?  
Is it a Crime to die when Life's a Torment?  
Methinks Heaven should forgive it.  Dia. 
Prithee leave these Disputes, ye make me sad,  
A Humour that I hate, and yet for Friendly,  
I've tried to weep and sigh, and have attained to't  
With very much ado.  Mar. 
Oh thou art happy, would I were unconcerned,  
An even brutal Temper that no Miseries  
Could touch, nor Mirth could elevate.  Dia. 
Call you that brutal, give me that solid one;  
I hate your thin and unsubstantial Soul  
That every ject or small Assault of Grief,  
Breaks through and makes ridiculous Mirth and Rage,  
For every petty accident: Give me a Soul,  
A Humour that's in Grain, not one that  
Fades like Colours in the Sun, and changes like  
Your Cheeks now pale, now red, and tells the World  
The Secrets of your Heart; and yet I must confess I'm  
Grieved for Friendly, for you know I loved him,  
Yet not so much to whine or die for him.  Mar. 
'Tis true, when I consider he was false, methinks I should not die.  Dia. 
Nay, as for that I think you are mistaken, I believe him true enough, and that was some incensed Mistress, some of his Family of Love, that envied your Happiness only, and came to put you in Despair, and I believe Wellman is not dead, nor can I think Friendly could be so base upon any account to kill him; he's virtuous, has some Religion in him, and much honesty, prithee be pacified; come sit, you have not slept to night, sit and le's sing to you, and I dare hold you my Diamond Pendants to fifty Guinneys Wellman is alive. Come Ample, sing a Song.  Enter Wellman and Sir John at the door. Sir Joh. 
Look ye, Sir, I have brought you in, now lay your lies as close together as you please, do you my business, and no matter how: I must to the Session's house this morning to give my Evidence against Friendly.  [Ex Sir Joh. Ample sings a Song. Mar. 
Away! I'll hear no more! I cannot sleep! Alas, there is no Music like my sighs and groans; leave me, and let me go— to rest, and Wellman!  Dia. 
Ample, she swoons, help, help—  Well. 
By your leave, sweet Creatures.  Dia. 
Uncivil Sir, what are you?  Well. 
One that brings comfort: hah! the Lady dying! stand off, I have a Cordial in my Voice— oh! she's gone, cursed be my Trial! See, 'tis Wellman calls.  Dia. 
Wellman! ha, ha, ha! Sister, look up, he's here.  Well. 
She stirs, give her more Air.  Mar. 
How have I slipped off Life! where am I, hah! in Heaven sure, and this is Wellman kneeling: Art thou an Angel there?  Well. 
I would not wish it yet, no; we have an Age to come in love ere we arrive to that.  Mar. 
You live then! [softly] I shall die with Joy else.  Well. 
Call back the Blood into thy paled Cheeks, thou Miracle of Women! I made this trial only to secure my Faith, and I believe you love, and I am happy; by all that's good, I never was unjust; that Woman, that beauteous Sinner whom you saw, I've been to blame with, but you must forgive the Errors of my Youth.  Mar. 
I do! and her! and must love whom you've loved.  Well. 
I thank thy goodness, but it shall not need, hereafter I'll tell thee all my Life, but now my time is short, and I must yet remain in this Disguise till Friendly's Tryal's past; for he shall suffer to the last degree, for leaving thee, Diana, for another.  Dia. 
And has he been so wicked?  Well. 
Yes, but is now reclaimed, but 'twas but in obedience to your Commands, you'd have him try to lose his Maidenhead, and he forsooth fell desperately in love, but I'll return the Penitent into your Arms again.  Di. 
Faith Brother, I do love the Fugitive, that's flat: and if my Father please, will marry him; but he's for Sir John Empty.  Well. 
But Sir John Empty is not for you, his heart's engaged to this Corina, my quondam Mistress, she strikes all dead that look on her, and I'm to get your consent he may leave you.  Dia. 
Alas! pray tell him tho' 'twill break my very heart; yet what must be, must be, Marriages are made in Heaven, and so forth.  [Enter Sir John running. Well. 
Let me alone: but see where he comes breathless.  Sir Joh. 
News, news, news, news!  Dia 
Mackerel, Mackerel, Mackerel, fresh come ashore.  Sir Joh. 
When, how now, Mrs. Marinda! when, you look blithe and brisk upon't.  Dia. 
When ay, is not that better than louring, and pouting, and puling, which is troublesome to the living and vain to the Dead? for my own part, let my Husband laugh at me when I'm dead, so he smile upon me whilst I live: I love a cheerful countenance in all conditions.  Sir Joh. 
Ay, but to see a Woman whine, and yet the Devil a tear falls; mourn, and yet keep her cheeks full.  Dia. 
Ay, there's the Devil.  Sir Joh. 
And yet I was heartily afraid i' that I should ha' seen a Garland on that Beauty's Hearse; but Time, Truth, Experience and variety, have great power over Womankind.  Dia. 
Well Sir, but to the business, the News you were so big with?  Sir Jo. 
Why, 'tis this: the Public Sessions this day holden at the Old Baily has condemned poor Frank Friendly.  Well. 
Ha! When Sir, he offered to produce Mr. Wellman at one Mr. Glisters a Goldsmiths.  Sir Joh. 
That's all one, when it came to the test Glister denied he ever saw or heard of him, and his own Confession hangs him without more witness, and with him Dashit the Vintner is condemned for Robbery, and several others.  Well. 
How? Dashit for Robbery? and was it proved against him?  Sir Joh. 
Only shrewd suspicions, 'tis thought he'll have a Pardon: a Cloak was stolen, that Cloak he had. The Justice was in Drink that committed him, the Judges severe and in haste, the Jury hungry, and so the Knave was cast; but hang him, he has cheated me with many an unmerciful Bill: but, Lord, to hear his moan, his wishes, his curses, his prayers, and his ill-timed Zeal, by my troth, they would have made a Comedy. But, Sir, the Lady, the poor Lady you serve, and who betrayed Friendly, is sent to Newgate; Well, I'll take my Oath 'tis a lovely Gentlewoman, 'tis a thousand pities; they say she must be tried the next Sessions.  [Wellman joggs Diana, and whispers. Dia. 
Let me alone for a neat and seasonable lie; [aside.— how Sir, a Lady, pray, who mean ye?  Well. 
She that was here, Madam, and gave an account how Wellman was killed.  Dia. 
heavens', his Sister! Mean you Wellman's Sister Sir?  [to Sir John. Sir Joh. 
How, Wellman's Sister?  [aside. Well. 
Wellman's Sister, Madam?  Dian. 
Can you do less for an abandoned Mistress than tell a handsome lie to get her a good Husband? Say 'tis so, or I'll make mischief.  [aside. Well. 
The Gentleman knows 'tis so: I told him she was of Quality.  Dia. 
A very virtuous Maid; heavens'! that I had but a Brother that would marry her, and take her part in defiance of the World! Nay Sister, we must in Honour visit her: poor Innocence!  Sir Joh. 
Ha! Wellman's Sister? When, look ye Madam, tho' you have not a Brother, I would have you to know you have a Lover, that will do as much to serve you as any Lover in Christendom, and as for marrying her, for your sake, Madam, and to do the Lady good, I'd venture as far as Hercules, de ye see, or Alexander the Great, that I would.  Dia. 
Most Heroically spoken, the Contents do almost break my heart, yet, Sir, to let you see I scorn to be outdone in Bravery, I'll— give you leave— to marry her; and I think that's a bold word.  Sir Joh. 
Egad and so 'tis.  Mar. 
Nay if you are so resolved, and keep that Resolution, 'twill not be hard to bring the Lady off, so many Friends joining to her party.  Dia. 
For my part I'll die to serve her.  Sir Joh. 
And so will I in blood, now I'm set on't,  Dia. 
Come then, without Delay let's visit her,  Mar. 
Where? At Newgate Sister?  Dia. 
At Newgate: Oh let not that Word fright you, because so many have gone to the Gallows from thence! martyred Innocence does often die where Thiefs and Robbers do; a Gallows may be sanctified, why not a Prison? Come Sir John your hand.  Mar. 
And Sir I must beg yours.  To Wellman, Exeunt. Great-gate. SCENE changes to the Front of Newgate at the Grate two or three Prisoners, one a beging, a Box hangs out. [To them Shamock [Begs in a low Voice, and cries the while. 1 Pris. 
Pray remember the poor Prisoners, the poor Prisoners, pray remember the poor Prisoners. ho, ho, ho!  Sham. 
Damn ye for a Son of a Whore, how sneakingly do you beg— Remember the Poor— ye meeching Bitch, is that a Voice to dive to the Bottom of a Usurer's Pocket, and fetch out Money in despite of his hardened heart?— Remember the Poor? Pox of your snivelling, stand by ye Dog, and let me come to the Grate.  1 Pris. 
Alas, Mr. Shamock, me thinks we should have little Stomach to beg, I hear our Reprieves are out of Doors, and they talk of a Warrant for Execution, so that we may be hanged to Morrow.  Sham. 
Why you whining Cur, be hanged to Morrow? when then we have the more need to beg hard to day, that we may drink at parting; Sirrah beg me heartily and with a good impudent Grace, I'll beat out your Brains with your own Fetters.  1 Pris. 
Oh! hold, hold, spare my Life good Mr. Shamock.  Sham. 
So, I see thou bear'st a Conscience, and wilt not cheat the Gallows of its due.  1 Pris. 
Oh no Sir, I have too much Repentance to wish to die so wickedly, as I have lived; I would go out of the World like a good Christian however.  [Crying. Sham. 
Was there ever such a chicken-hearted Son of a Whore? thou wert ever a lazy Rascal, and I remember when we were getting a painful Living on the King's Highway, wouldst sleep the while, yet wake to share the snack, and to be drunk for Joy of the Prize: Stand away and observe me now, with what a laudable Voice I'll move Compassion:  [Pulls off his Periwig, turns his Cravate behind, thrusts out his Head and begs in a canting Tone. 
Christians pity the poor Prisoners of this loathsome and dismal Dungeon, and 'twill be restored unto you in tenfold; drop your Bounty into this little Box, the only Support, Relief, and Comfort of twenty wretched Souls.  [Enter Sir Lyonel. 
Noble Sir, Remember the poor Prisoners:  [Enter Parson. [He pulls out a long Purse and puts in a twopence. 
The Lord reward your noble Charity, and restore it to you forty and forty fold.  [Pulling up the Box. 
'tis an old Oliverian twopence, a damned Commonwealths pair of Breeches, confound the mark and your good Worship's Bounty, was this all the large Leathern Purse and your more large Conscience could produce, would I were worthy to have a Dive or two at your reverend Pockets, I would ease 'em for you with a Pox.  
Ha! Ladies alighted—  [begs again. 
Most beautiful Ladies, dispense your noble Charity amongst twenty miserable Wretches, oppressed with Hunger and Cold: Merciful and fair— pity the Miseries of unfortunate young men; whose few short hours of Life they've left, shall be employed in Prayers for you our noble Benefactors: Oh remember the Poor!  [They give'em Money. 
Sweet Lady, Heaven reward your Beauty with eternal Bloom and numberless Adorers.  [Pulls up the Box, they go in. 
Ha Gold! 'tis Gold by Jove.  
Nay, now a short Life and a merry, we'll have it all in drink Boys, and when the Hour comes, die like Hero's, sing the Psalm merrily, and then— be hanged till we're sober.  1 Pris. 
Ah! Mr. Shamock 'tis a long Nap we shall take e'er we wake again.  Sham. 
No matter, than we shall not be dry next Morning.  1 Pris. 
Oh this is sad jesting— Oh, Oh, Oh!  Sham. 
Here's a cowardly Rogue, now Plague on him, he's a shame to the noble Function of Padding: Sirrah, you shall have no Drink, 'tis thrown away upon the Rascal.  3 Pr. 
Drink? rot him, let him lap salt Water from his Eyes, like a mangy Dog as he is.  Sham. 
Come, come, le's in and drink.  Enter Keeper. Keep. 
Mr. Shamock, you must come down to your Devotion, here's a Parson come; Mr. Ordinaries sick; come away.  Sham. 
Pox o' your Ceremonies, a man cannot be hanged in Peace for your Parson, and your paltry praying— but come, hang't since we must obey silly Customs, let's down, and then— to drink, my hearts— go, get ye down.  [sings. [Exennt.  

SCENE the inside of the Prison.  Enter Friendly in Irons, with Sir Lyonel, Mr. Dashet in Irons, Mrs. Dashet weeping by him, Nan and others: Trickwell disguised like a Parson, seeming exhorting 'em: Corina and Mrs. Dunwel snivelling. Friend. 
No Sir, I do not blush, nor are my cheeks grown, pale, tho' I'm condemned to die a shameful death.  Sir Ly. 
No kind of Death is shameful but the Cause.  Friend. 
Which I well know is none, Heaven is my witness, none.  Trick. 
Ah! you are happy Sir!— happy to quit the World in Innocence, for Innocence— is a most heavenly thing— for Sir, Innocence is all in all; Innocence is—  [picks both their pockets. Friend. 
Very impertinent in your mouth, Sir,— you ought to have the manners to believe a dying man has other business— than to give ear to what you say; go preach to the Rabble, Sir, I'm not at leisure.  Trick. 
Ah!— what is sinful man— speak to him, Sir, to think upon his Soul, his precious Soul; ah, his too precious Soul—  Friend. 
Perhaps I'm not of your persuasion, Sir.  Trick. 
Ha! Heaven forbid— I hope you're not a Papist Sir.  Friend. 
If I am, Sir, what then?  Trick. 
What then? when then Sir, guilty or not guilty, you deserve to die, and I'll prove it, and stand to't.  Friend. 
Prithee leave us, we are serious.  Trick. 
Leave ye, yes faith, 't: you are not worth a Groat.  Friend. 
But is there Sir no hopes of a Reprieve?  Sir Ly. 
I'll warrant you Sir, I've Interest enough for that.  Friend. 
Upon my Honour, Sir, Wellman is but mislodged, and i've already satisfied ye how I came to say what I did of his Death to that fair false one,— sure some Lethargy has seized him, that he appears not, or else he's mad, it cannot be unkindness, and it would grieve you, Sir, to see me die, and after find me innocent.  Sir Ly. 
By th' Mass, and so it would, Sir; therefore I'll to Court about your Reprieve immediately; nor need you doubt my Diligence or Success;— but why, thou beauteous Hypocrite, didst thou betray him thus?  [to Corina, who stands sullenly by. Cor. 
I will not answer thee: I own my guilt, and am ashamed and angry at my Destiny: Were Wellman dead, I could endure the rest, but would not live to see him live another's.  Sir Ly. 
Well Sir, fare ye well till anon.  [goes out. Friend. 
Oh! how I hate what once I so adored!  
He that's born well, and Nobly Educated,  
Blessed with an honest Fame, and worthy Friend,  
And would with desperate oversight love all  
And land himself upon this fatal shore,  
Let him ne'er kill, or steal, but love a Whore.  Enter Wellman, Marinda, Sir john, Ample and Shatter, Diana. 
— hah!— what do I see?  
Now everlasting Darkness cover me  
From that dear injured killing sight, Diana.  Dian. 
Nay, do not hide your Face, or turn away— I'm wondrous glad to know where a Maid may find ye when she has need of you; and tho' these Chains are something easier than those of Matrimony, yet, like a malicious Woman, I am for proposing a change; faith, what d'ye think on't? dare ye venture? methinks 'twere no ungrateful Leap from the Gallows into a fair young ladies' Arms?— would you not rather cry, Drive away Carman?  Fri. 
Oh! do not mock my miseries, Diana!  Dia. 
By this hand, not I; You may remember, I swore never to marry, till the man I liked could give me proofs he was a man; you bowed, and blushed, and talked of Maidenheads, and modestly protested your Virginity; oh, filthy in a man! a man of sense too!— but you're improved, I hear, grown wise of late, and given me proofs you are no Blockhead; and I, to keep my word, am come to challenge you;— and to put you out of all these hanging apprehensions, know Wellman's alive.  [Wellman discovers himself, they embrace. Sir Joh. 
How! Wellman alive?  Friend. 
My dear, unkind, have you dealt well with me?  Well. 
I was resolved I would be quits with you for getting my Mistress from me; which by the way I beg you would forgive. I've a Design to marry her to Empty.  Fri. 
She is a Woman, and I scorn to injure her.  
— And can you, Madam, except this Criminal in Chains?  Dia. 
The sooner for that reason, with my Father's leave, I have a good thank upon you when you're insolent, to upbraid ye with the place from whence I had ye.  Mar. 
He cannot but commend your Passion for him.  Fri. 
I am ashamed to be so much obliged.  Mar. 
Nay, leave the shame to her.  Dian. 
Shame, I laugh at it, and would have believed none to have married Friendly under the Gallows— therefore take my hand, and bind the bargain.  Fri. 
Thou art a Noble Creature, and I am thine forever.  Well. 
By Heaven, Corina, it was not want of Love, my Fortune did depend upon my Marriage, but when I saw the Woman destined for me, I must confess I felt new flames possess me, without extinguishing the old, and I resolved to love her virtuously, and hold an honest Friendship still with thee— to raise thee up above the World's contempt, the fickle favours of unconstant man, and love thee as my Siste.  Cor. 
What powerful Charms dwell in thy tender language! thou melt'st my rage with every softening look, and leadest me a tame Captive to thy will;— I am still all thine, dispose me as thou pleasest.  Well. 
This Knight, Corina, then resolve to marry, I'll make thy Fortune equal to his Quality, the man is honest, young, and Master of himself. He thinks thou art my Sister— nor will I ever undeceive him.  Cor. 
Well— since I must lose you, and am by your Commands obliged to Life, no matter how forlorn and wretched 'tis—  Dun. 
By my troth, Sir, you have left her like a man of Honour.  Well. 
Sir john, you are my Friend, and this my only Sister, for whom I know you have a Passion; and since Mrs. Diana is disposed of, I am resolved you shall not be disappointed of a Lady. Take her, and trust my Friendship for her Fortune, 'twill not be inconsiderable.  Sir Joh. 
Fortune Sir! I scorn she should owe her Ladyship to any Fortune but what my single Honour can give.  
— therefore Madam, I am your Knight, your Champion, your most humble Husband and obedient Servant, john Empty, Baronet: but good Brother, let us make haste out of this scandalous place, it puts me so damnably in mind of mortality, it will spoil my Wedding-night.  Well. 
Ay Sir, as soon as Friendly's discharged.  Marin. 
You must give me leave to call This while Trickwell is seeming exhorting the Prisoners, and picking their pockets, Sir John. and Wellm. looking at Trick. & the Prisoners. your Sister too, for I must love and serve all that love Wellman.  Cor. 
Madam, the Generous Pattern that you have set me, I shall be proud to follow.  Well. 
Ha, Sure that Wench I know,— 'tis she— when how how now, Nan, what brought thee hither?  Nan. 
'Fore Gad e'en my kind heart, Mr. Wellman, Love, villainous Love!  Sir joh. 
Ha, Love! when, what a pox, is that become a hanging matter in our Age?  Nan. 
If 'twere, your Neck's in no great danger.  Sir joh. 
Good Lord, what I warrant you think I was never in love then? yes faith have I, and have felt your Flames and Fires, and Inclinations, and Wambling, as often as any He that wears a head.  Nan. 
Then you are the first Fool I ever knew inspired.  Well. 
spare him Nan, he's my Brother, but prithee say how came Love to bring thee to this fatal end?  Nan. 
Fatal! 'tis my Glory— and egad my Statue and History ought to be added to the Gallery of Heroic Women— why you have heard I suppose, that my Husband was condemned last Sessions, Mr Shamock.  Well. 
What the famous Padder? is he thy Husband?  Nan. 
Yes Faith, he had a Reprieve, but now the Warrant's signed for Execution, and he is to be hanged to morrow.  Well. 
Well what's that to thee?  Nan. 
When faith, we have lived lovingly hitherto together, and we'll e'en die as lovingly, for I am resolved to be hanged honestly with him.  Sir joh. 
Honestly hanged— how so?  Nan. 
When I'll tell you Sir, when the Tidings came to me of poor Jack's being apprehended, I soon knew which way the World would go with him; I ne'er sniveled and nouted like a feeble Woman for the matter, but e'en resolved bravely to take a Turn at Tyburn with him.  Sir joh. 
Lord have Mercy upon us.  Nan. 
In order thereunto, what does me I, but hearing of a Fellow that had lost a parcel of Goods of value, but goes my ways to him, accuses myself for the Thief, was sent to Newgate, and to my great Joy and Satisfaction, was condemned with honest jack efaith: On my Soul, Mr. Wellman, I trembled for Fear I thoved have been acquitted, but the honest Jury took Pity on me, and brought me in Guilty. When the Devil would any of your Wives of Quality have showed this conjugal Constancy?  Sir joh. 
Lord deliver me, what a wicked World is this, that People should have the face to confess their Villainies! she confesses all now, and some are hanged and confess nothing.  Well. 
And wilt thou be so good natured to take a Turn with him at the Gallows?  Nan. 
With as much Joy as e'er I kissed him.  Well. 
When this is the most admirable Proof of Love, I ever heard off.  Sir joh. 
Proof of Love, proof of the Devil, Man, what to be slain at Tyburn for Love? when 'tis most damnable and as nonsensical as to be hanged for Religion.  Nan. 
I find by your Principles that you'll keep out of Harms way.  Sir Joh. 
Nay o'my Conscience, I shall ne'er increase the Number of the noble Army of the Martyrs.  Enter Shamock chained. Sham. 
Nan, where are you, here's the Fellow has brought home our Coffin.  Nan. 
Let him bring't in my dear, you shall see Mr. Wellman, what a Device I have found out, never to part with dear Jack: I have bespoke a Coffin to hold us both.  Sir John. 
How a Coffin? Lord have Mercy upon's, how great the Devil is with this Woman! but what care have you taken of your Soul all this while?  Nan. 
That's the Business of Mr. Ordinary, he has so much a year allowed him for managing that Affair, and has undertaken mine: Come bring in the Coffin.  Enter Fellow with a Coffin, They look on't. Sham. 
When, what a Coffin's here? Is this a Coffin fit for Christians?— D'ye see, and all pitched within too, ye Dog, we shall stick to't, a pox on ye for a nasty Son of a Whore.  Sir Joh. 
Bless me, sure these Reprobates never think of going to Heaven.  [To Wellman. Nan. 
Ay! I gave him two broad pieces in hand too, and two more I have in my Pocket to give him—  Trick. 
Which I must be acquainted with.  [aside. Nan. 
But he shall be damned ere he be so well paid.  Sham. 
Besides, Sirrah, you might have had the Manners to have lined it with a little Bays this cold Wether, but you have neither Conscience nor forecast.  Sir Joh. 
Lord! Brother Wellman, I believe some Priests have been tampering with 'em, they are so wicked.  Well. 
Ha, Ha, Ha! a notable Observation.  Sham. 
I'd forgot too, I'll lay my Head to a Halter, this Coffin will not hold us both.  Sir Joh. 
Hark ye Friend, don't lay with him, for he's o'th' surer side.  Nan. 
Yes my Dear, as for that I believe we may make Shift, 'tis but my laying my Arm under thy Head, and thou thine over my Breast, and we shall lie as snug these cold nights—  Sir Joh. 
When the Devil's in these People.  Nan. 
But I have a cursed Misfortune befallen me.  Sham. 
What's that, my dear Betty?  Betty. 
The Whore the Laundress, who had all the Linen I was to be buried in, like an ungrateful Baggage, knowing I was to be hanged, and she to have no more of my Custom, has pawned all, my laced Linen too; so that, dear Jack, I shall come to thy Arms but scurvily equipt to morrow.  Sham. 
Let's arrest her. Lord, Lord, that People should have no Conscience nor Honesty in 'em: what will this wicked World come to.  Sir Joh. 
Ay! and to rob the Gallows too, unmerciful Tyrant.  Trick. comes up to ker. Trick. 
Young Woman, young Woman, this is no time to think of Trifles, and gew gaws; the best dress is that of Repentance, let your Conscience be clean and neat within, and no matter for Lace and Tawdrums; dress up your Soul I say.  [Picks her Pocket. Betty. 
When what a Pox have we here?  Trick. 
One who has preached better Doctrine to your Ladyship e'er now, [and] one who am appointed to put you in mind of your long home.  Betty. 
When ye Fool you, have I been taking such pains to prepare myself for this Journey, and need your Advice in the Devil's name? get ye gone ye canting Rascal, here's honest Jack can teach me how to die worth a Legion of you formal Gownsmen.  Sham. 
Gad thou'rt a noble Lass.  Sir John. 
In Troth and so she is, 'tis Pity she should be damned.  Trick. goes to Dashet, Betty to the Joiner. Betty. 
Well Sirrah, here is your two pieces more, because I scorn to be worse than my word— [Feels in her Pocket. hah! my money's gone— what's the meaning of this? I had 'em and the two pieces for Jack Catch too in my Pocket when I came down.  Sham. 
When what a Pox have we Thiefs amongst ourselves? this is fine doings efaith.  Betty. 
Hang't let it go, they are some poor Devils that wanted it: go out and wait till I go up, and I'll pay you.  [Exit. joiner. Sir Joh. 
Or let him call again to Morrow in the Evening—  Trick. talking this while to Dashet, he making Grimaces of Woe, and crying and wringing his hands, Mrs. Dashet crying by him. Mrs. Dashet. 
Well Husband, this is a very comfortable man.  Dash. 
He is so. But, good Mr. Parson, leave my Soul a little while to itself, I pray, and let us have a little of your counsel concerning my Body. I owe Mr. Glister the Goldsmith 40 l. and suppose, Mr. Parson, when I am going to Execution he should be so unneighbourly as to set a Ser jeant upon my back— 'twas for a Bowl—  [bursts out into loud crying. Trick. 
Ah! trouble not thyself, my Christian Brother with transitory matters, but have an Eye— an Eye I say to the main chance— [picking his pocket. I'll warrant your shoulders; but as for your neck— Plinius Secundus, or Marcus Tullius Cicero, or some body says; that a threefold Cord is hardly broken.  Dash. 
A very Learned man this— well, I am not the first honest man that has been hanged, and I hope shall not be the last.  [crying still. Trick. 
True Sir, therefore have a righteous Stomach: for you perhaps may sup in Heaven to morrow.  Dash. 
Alas, Sin! I have no stomach to it at all Sir,— please you to take my Trencher, I never eat at night.  Mrs. Dash. 
Ah, Husband, I little thought you should have had need to have thought of Heaven so soon: oh!— had you been hanged deservedly 'twould ne'er have troubled me: for there's many an innocent man has been hanged deservedly,— but to be cast away for nothing— oh,— oh.—  [bawls. Trick. 
Comfort yourself, good Mistress, moderate Grief is decent, you'll shortly be a Widow, and I'm a Bachelor; I'll come and visit ye, and give you Christian consolation.  Mrs. Dash. 
Ah, Sir! you shall be heartily welcome, and pray make haste.— oh— oh—  [crying still. Dash. 
Well,— I do here make my Confession before all good Christian People, and do declare— that if I owe any man any thing, I do heartily forgive him.  Sir Joh. 
In truth, Religiously spoken. When, this is something.  Da. 
But— but, if any manowes me any thing, let him pay my Wife.  Sir Joh. 
A good reason too i'.  Da. 
There— are— the Writings of that Rogue's Estate who has brought me to this untimely End— dear Writings to me, God knows.  Mrs. Dash. 
Where had you these?  Dash. 
I took 'em out yesterday, thinking to have carried 'em to my Lawyers, in order to taking the forfeiture of 'em: now thou may'st do't.  Mrs. Da. 
Ay, ay, Husband, I'll warrant'ye, I shall be diligent.  Dash. 
And now, good Yoke-fellow, take leave of thy honest and true Dashet.  [weeping. Mrs. Dash. 
No, Husband, an't please the Lord I'll not leave you now,— I'll see you hanged first—  [cries. Trick. 
Ha, my writings! now for a trick of dexterity to retrieve those, and I'm a man again— [aside] but Brother, you must remember your sins too, and iniquities; you must consider you have been a Broacher of profane Vessels, you have made us drunk with the juice of the Whore of Babylon: for whereas good Ale, Perry, Cider, and Metheglin, were the true Ancient British and Trojan Drinks, you have brought in Popery, mere Popery— French and Spanish Wines, to the subversion, staggering, and overthrowing of many a good Protestant Christian;— oh! remember the Sins of the Cellar, beloved, the Midnight sins that have been unsavoury to the tastes of your Customers, when you put the change upon 'em: remember your double scoring and long Bills, ah, remember your long Bills.  [this while he picks Mrs. Dashets pocket of the Writings. Well. 
This is that Rogue Trickwell.  [aside. Dash. 
Ah! I confess, I confess, and forgive. [cries.— has any heard of one Trickwell?  Trick. 
Trickwell; yes, I know him well: a very honest Religious man, and an unright Dealer with his Neighbours, and their Wives speak well of him.  Dash. 
I'll take it upon my Death he's the cause of my hanging, but I heartily forgive him; and if he would but yet come forth and save me, I would set him free from the Law, and discharge him for injuring me.  Well. 
And would you from the bottom of your Soul forgive him all his cheats and Rogueries?  Dash. 
I would, and be bound in a thousand pound Bond to save him from the Law: ah! but 'tis impossible—  [cries. Well. 
Why look ye, Sir,— behold, your worshipful Friend and humble Servant Thomas Trickwell.  Trick. 
Ha! discovered by Mr. Wellman.  Dash. 
Trickwell!  Well. 
Now bawling Mr. Dashet.  Dash. 
Who would have looked for a Wolf in Sheep's clothing? or a Knave in a Parson's Gown?  Trick. 
No railing Dashet, if you do, I'll swear against you yet.  Dash. 
Ay do, and damn your Soul.  Trick. 
What with a little Perjury? the Lord have Mercy on our Age then: No, no Sir, I'll retrieve you from the Gallows, but as for your Goods and Moneys it must go towards the use of my two hundred pound a year, which you have kept me from this two years, and of which now, thanks to my Dexterity, I stand again possessed.  [shows the Writings. Dash. 
How my Writings gone?  Trick. 
Thank God you're so rid of them, for I had been an eternal Rend charge upon you else, if I had not hanged you: you know you had 'em for a little damned ballderdash Wine—  Dash. 
Well, I'd better loose my Writings than my Life.  Well. 
Hold Trickwell;— yonder Woman I have been obliged to, and you have had Relief from— no Writings nor Pardon under marrying Mrs. May here—  [pointing to Dunwel. Trick. 
Lord, Sir, what a Bawd?  Well. 
The better Sirrah, she has a good Calling then, when all fails.  Dun. 
God's Blessing of your heart, Sir.  Well. 
No grumbling, do't or I'll deliver:— remember Sirrah how you used my Mistress last night, and had the Impudence to rival me—  [aside to him. Trick. 
Well Sir of two Evils I'll choose this— give me thy hand Moll, thou'st been a loving Soul I must confess.  Dash. 
So there's some Revenge, I could even cry for Joy now,  Mrs. Dash. 
And so could I too, if I knew for what.  [Enter Sir Lyonel. Sir Ly. 
Here, where's Mr. Friendly— here's your Reprieve Sir, Ha! Marinda and Diana!  Dia. 
Yet with their Husbands Sir.  Sir Ly. 
How, How?— hah! Mr. Wellman alive? and with Mr. Friendly— God bless ye, God bless ye all, I'm glad on't.  Sir Joh. 
Ay Sir, and I am married to this Lady.  Sir Ly. 
I'm glad of that too.  [Enter Keeper with a Reprieve. 
Here Mrs. Betty, where are you? Here's a Reprieve come for you:  Betty. 
Ha a Reprieve! What Devil owed me this malicious Spite, a Reprieve— damn thee, thou ill, thou ominous looking Dog, ever the Messenger of Hellish Tidings: Oh! I could tear thy hated Tongue out— Rogue—  [beats him. Sham. 
Nay, dear, better be patient, and if we must part.—  Betty. 
Art thou turned cruel too, and preachest Patience?  
Patience with Life— no, I defy my Fate—  
Scorning to live without thee thou shalt see,  
I'll find a thousand ways to die with thee.—  [Led weeping with Sham. out. Sir Ly. 
By 'th Mass a hearty Wench I'll warrant her, but come let's away: good Boys let's home and Dance, but first give Money to these poor Wretches.  [Throws his long Purse amongst 'em. 
From this dire place many to Death have gone,  
But to be married, very rarely one.   
FINIS