THE Bloody Duke: OR, THE ADVENTURES for a CROWN. A Tragicomedy, As it was Acted at the COURT at ALBA REGALIS,  
By several Persons of Great Quality.  
Written by the Author of the Abdicated Prince.  
Justice requires an eternal Mark of Infamy on the Perpetrators of certain Villainies of the last Reigns. See the New Observator, Vol. 2. Numb. 6.  
LONDON: Printed for W. Bonny; and are to be Sold by the Booksellers of London and Westminster. 1690.   

THE PREFACE.  
THE very Title to these Ensuing Sheets seems so clearly to express the Author's Design in them that Use alone, rather than any Necessity, seems to extort this from him: For though the Instruction of the meanest Protestant Christian in Hungary, was greatly the Author's scope and intent, yet the terrible Impressions left in the Two last Reigns, even upon all Degrees and Qualities, remain yet so fresh and lively, that any one that would take the pains to read Three or Four▪ of the First Pages, would readily believe any Explanatory Preamble; needless 'tis therefore to satisfy the Nicety or Prejudice, that some Persons may conceive, from the Author's too boldly, and too publicly intruding into the Cabinets of Princes, that this small Apology is prefixed: In order to this, the Author Solemnly here Declares, That the Lashing and Exploding the Crimes and Villainies publicly, and most under a seeming Form of Law and Justice, committed in the Two late Reigns, rather than exposing any particular Persons, was his chief Aim and Design; and that since, Works of this Nature, could not be done, without the using some Fictitious Names of Persons, whereon to fix his Characters, He thinks He may justly decline, any Blame ensuing thereupon, since they alone can justy pretend to be affronted, whose Consciences too clearly convince them of the Truth of these Relations: The Truth I say, which by the Authentic Testimony, as well as Experience of many Grave Persons, has often, already, though in another Method, been asserted and expressed: And although in one thing especially, viz. in his representing the King Poisoned, He will not be so Obstinate, as to confess he hath Demonstration for it, yet the common Fame of it remaining amongst us, almost without Contradiction, even to this very Day, may in some measure be excused, as the Foundation of a very plausible Argument, in a Work especially of this kind: Another Observation is too Obvious to him; Why a Person of so unpolite a Style, and perhaps not truly versed in a regular Connection of Things, would venture upon a Work which ought to have been left to the Elaborate Pens of some more Experienced Author. To this he Answers, That being to play the Historian, rather than the Orator, to Instruct with Truth, rather than to Amuse with Flourishes; to undeceive the Commonalty (so often led aside by the crafty Insinuations of the Witty) and to bring in Parallel the happy State of Hungary, under the present Government; with its deplorable Condition under the Two last Reigns, he thought this stile and manner more suitable to his Designs, and their Advantages; desiring them to read with an Impartial Judgement, the following Sheets; and promising to submit to the acknowledgement of any Errors, such a Judgement shall at any time Convict and Consute him.   

The Actors Names.  

The MEN.  
Androgynes' King of Hungary, a Mild, good Natured Prince, but excessively given to his Pleasures.  
Caligula, his Brother; a Bloody, Malicious, and Designing Man.  
Count Paulbrough, Le Talbo, The Duke's Confidents.  
Intriguo, the Duke's Secretary.  
Damasippus, a wise grave Prince, near Kinsman to the King, and a great Friend to the Hungarians.  
Count d'Arlin, Favourite of the King's, and Poisoned by the Duke.  
Aristander, a Wise, Pious, Nobleman, but Murdered by the Appointment of the Duke.  
Demophilus, an Honest Tribune of the People, but Murdered by Order of the Duke.  
Nobbs, a mercenary, buffoon Scribbler, Creature of the Dukes, and set on by him, to invent ridiculous Stories, to amuse the People, and take their Eyes off from marking his Designs.  
Remarquo, an honest Hungarian, and a deep Observer of the Court Intrigues.   

The Women.  
Corinna, Duchess of Portora, a French insinuating Jilt, Concubine to the King, but holds private Intrigues with the Duke.  
Leonora, another of the King's Concubines, but in League with the Duke.  
Erone, Maid to Corinna.  
Guards, Cutthroats, Knights of the Post, Rabble, Messengers and Jebusites.    

The Bloody Duke: OR The Adventures FOR A CROWN.  

ACT I.  

SCENE I. Alba Regalis.  
After several Loud Shouts and Acclamations of Joy, Enter the Rabble, with Torches in their Hands, and Faggots on their Shoulders, going to make Bonfires.  1 Rab. 
COme Boys! come! we'll make the Fire before Alderman Trueman's door, he's an honest Cavalier.  2 Rab. 
Let him be as true as he will, we'll burn him for a Roundhead, without he gives us some Drink; believe me Neighbour, I am so scorched up with running and bawling, I am all over as dry as a Kix, Heaven send some Fellow or other does not mistake me for a dry Billet, and throw me on for Company.  3 Rab. 
The man's a Fool o'my Conscience; dost think we can want drink to day? There's a positive Order from the King to make us all as Drunk as Lords, that we may give God thanks for his happy Return to his Kingdoms.  4 Rab. 
Nay, I must needs say Neighbour, I always am most devout after a sound Evenings Draught: But what Saints day do you call this?  5 Rab. 
Why man, dost not know? 'Tis the King's Birth and Return.  4 Rab. 
Indeed I never heard of that Saint before; but if he'll give us drink enough, he shall e'en have my Prayers along with the rest.  6 Rab. 
The truth on't is, I always thought your drinking Saints had the least harm in them; so for my part, I'll go drink and pray as long as I can stand.  1 Rab. 
But hark you me Neighbour, what did our King do when he was abroad in strange Countries?  2 Rab. 
Do? Why what should he do but learn Manners and Breeding! Oh he's the courteousest Gentleman; if you did but see how he pulls off his Hat to the Ladies and Gentlewomen when he walks in the Park, or comes into the City. There's Alderman Softhead's Wife, and half a score more, are in love with him so, they go constantly 3 or 4 times a Week to see him at Dinner, and the King always sends some of his Nobles to see them home, and that's a great Honour let me tell you, to their Husbands.  5 Rab. 
Ay, ay, Neighbour, you may talk of Honour as you please, but I heard Alderman Doolittle say, there was no profit in it; for besides the expense of entertaining these Gallants, whether these fine sights do work on his Wife's Fancy or no, I can't tell: But whereas he was not used to have a Child once in four or five years, he finds now he gets one or two every year.  6 Rab. 
Why truly Neighbour, since this Kings coming, I must needs say, they have a very good Receipt at Court to help generation. I have heard some wise People say, his Highness is graciously resolved to communicate it publicly to all his Women Subjects.  7. Rab. 
Nay, it will save our Citizens a great deal of Charge, and their Wives a great deal of trouble of going to the Waters.  1. Rab. 
Why don't you come away ho! you stand talking of Water, Water, and forget to make the Fire.  Omnes. 
Ay, come, come away to the Bonfire, the Bonfire, hallo Boys, hallo.  [Exeunt omnes.  

Scene II. The Palace of St. Jaques.  Enter Caligula, Corinna, Leonora. Cal. 
THou must Corinna use thy utmost power,  
Thou must not leave one charm about thee Idle:  
All sense of that which Fools call Modesty;  
All nice reluctancy, and forced compliance,  
Must now be laid aside; when ye retire  
To unload the Treasures of your heaped up Loves,  
First throughly warm him with the sparkling Grape,  
Which will provoke, and prompt his backward Fancy.  
Then, as thou seest his quickened Spirits move,  
And with new life and eagerness to dance  
Through all the windings of his well-filled Veins:  
Then dear Corinna let it be thy Care  
To exert thy universal Stock of charms;  
Let the soft Lanquets of thy wishing Eyes  
Seem to upbraid his want of love and fondness:  
Then throw thy snowy Arms about his Neck,  
And draw him gently to thy panting bosom.  
Storm all his Outworks with thy balmy Lips,  
And pour whole Volleys of delicious kisses;  
Let him ascend thy Alabaster Hills,  
And thence survey thy pleasant fruitful dallies:  
But when by eager haste and heat of Travel,  
He thirsts and seeks for thy delicious Fountain,  
Then dear Corinna, then, capitulate;  
His Birthright than he would not think too dear  
To purchase one sound draught of cooling Love.  Enter Remarquo at a distance. Co. My Lord, 
you cannot ask what I'll deny,  
Your Highness's Interest and mine bear such relation,  
I but oblige myself in serving you:  
But whence do all these Doubts and Scruples rise,  
Your fears of this same Bugbear Sanhedrim?  
I have heard Androgynes in sport and pastime  
Deride and Scoff at all their weak pretensions;  
'Tis true ill natured Custom, he would say  
(The long-loved Idol of the heedless crowd)  
Has gave them liberty at his Command  
To sit, petition, beg, or to propose;  
But still the grant and sanction lies in him;  
So that in reality 'tis but mere form,  
Since all they do is vain and null without him.  Rem. 
Ha! the Duke here, and in private parley with his Brother's Mistresses! well, he's an unconscionable man, I'll say that for him; there's hardly a day goes but he picks one Jewel or other out of his Crown; and yet I'll be hanged but he's bidding Money now underhand for his Whores, though o'my Conscience, poor Androgynes had rather part with that, than these. Well, he's a mild good-natured Prince, but is so unfortunately taken up with these plaguy Women, that this Brother of his has all the Administration of affairs in his hands; and I am afraid grasps the Sceptre so fast, that the King upon occasion would find it a hard matter to wring it out of them. I know this Caligula's Nature to be Ambitious and Cruel, witness his early Intrigues to supplant his Brother, even before his Restauration; and though by fatal experience to him we know Venus has sometimes the ascendent over him too, yet those serious whispers between him and these Ladies, seem to carry something more solid and important than bare Amour: I must harken.  (Remarquo listens.) Cal. 
'Tis true indeed Corinna, if the power  
(Which he by great Prerogative does claim)  
Of Negative Compliance with their Votes  
Could quash and silence all their hot Proceedings,  
So as they never durst attempt them more,  
'Twere easy to induce Androgynes  
To lend a careless Ear to their Proposals;  
But then, these Obstinate Hungarians  
(Like Eager Lobers at a weak Repulse)  
Press on with vigorous Address and Zeal;  
And like your sturdy Beggars in a Road,  
Seem to petition and implore your Alms,  
But in such surly manner do approach,  
As shows their resolution to obtain  
By force, what otherwise you would refuse.  Leon. 
I thought this Mongrel Brood of Sanhedrims,  
Like Bastard Race of Cocks, had only dared  
To mount the Battlements of their own Dunghills,  
And thence proclaim their choleric Dastard Threats;  
But will they say you venture to draw out  
And dare to face Royal Prerogative?  
Your Highness must take care to have them cropped,  
They may grow dangerous to your self and us;  
Name but the Methods, and leave us to manage;  
I think Androgynes will scarce deny us.  Enter Count Paulbrough, le Talbo. Rem. 
A delicate pert Bona Roba this; these Women have as little Conscience as Lawyers, they'll take Fees I see, of all sides: But who have we here? Oh! foh! I am sick of the sight of them; Here's Paulbrough and le Talbo, Caligula's two Confidents, and dignified with the Titles of his Pimp and his Butcher; the two Horseleeches of the Court, the one sucks up the Reputation, and the other the Blood of most of the honest People about it; like Comets they carry a malignant Influence and Aspect, and are ominous and destructive to all that have to do with them; the one to show that he had a Religion (which was very much doubted) became a Convert to Paganism, and out of Gratitude to his Master, relinquished his God: The other's a Native Pagan of Teagueland, and consequently a Villain by Birth; but wanting Improvement, was recommended to the Duke, who by the Gift of a cast Whore, and a Colonel's Commission, has qualified him for his Service; so that when Poison or Poniard, Halter or Pistol are to be used, he's the Captain Commandant, and takes care of the business. There will be nothing worth the hearing now, and so farewell Duke.  [Exit Remarq. Paulb. 
Udsnouns, Sir, I beg your pardon for swearing; but by Mahomet if you don't take some speedy course, we are all undone.  [Caligula and the Lady's start.] Cal. 
Why, prithee Paulbrough, what's the matter?  Le Tal. 
Why, the Council has received Information of our Plot, and seem inclined unanimously to search into the bottom of it.  Cal. 
This shall search some of their Hearts first.  [He draws his Dagger.] Le Tal. 
Intriguo your Secretary, like a Fool and a Villain, has confessed a great many Points to Demophilus the Tribune.  Cal. 
Who was his Accuser?  Paul. 
That Villain Pertinar, who to the Council has laid the Minutes of our Consults open; who have sent their Orders for Imprisoning those several Parties Pertinax accused,  Cal. 
Has he been bold to name our Royal Self?  Paul. 
The Villain bids Defiance to all Shame,  
And points your Highness out as Principal!  Cal. 
Hell! Tortures! Death! Le Talbo, seek the Devil,  
And force his Tongue to everlasting silence;  
Let him no longer breathe the open Air,  
But stop his cursed blaspheming Throat for ever;  
Cut him to Atoms in the Face of day;  
No time or place shall give the Fiend protection  
Oh Villain!  Raul. Vdsbud! 
you make me swear again; your Highness, I hope, will lay aside this Passion for a while; consider first what's proper to be done, and then doubt not the Execution.  [Caligula pauses. Cal. 
This will put a plaguy stop to my former Designs; and I'm afraid I shall be obliged to change my Measures; and well if that will do too: This comes of Modesty in the Devils Name; I have been gaping like a Ninny these twenty years, and vainly thought to have had a Crown dropped into my Mouth! and have hardly eat or slept with any satisfaction for thinking and dreaming of Revenge upon these cursed Christians, and now at last am like to be fairly fitted; that is, with a Gibbet sooner than a Sceptre, a Scaffold than a Throne: The truth on't is, we have shown 'em so many of our Experiments, that the Rogues have grown industrious upon it, and are like to take our Trade out of our Hands: A Body would have thought a Plot so closely laid, and so unanimously carried on, could never have failed; why, 'twill make our old Friend Beelzebub turn Bankrupt, his Invention's grown threadbare, and we shall never be able to show our Faces again; unless (he pauses and shrugs) hold— ha! by Mahomet a good Thought that! (shrugs again and grins) Take off Demophilus in the Bud! good! Dissolve the Sanhedrim; good again: Disgrace, that is, swear counter to Pertinar, best of all: ha, ha, ha— Well, I see what it is to deal with Devils of Honour; they promised I should be a King and I find methinks by Inspiration they'll be as good as their Words. Come my good Friends come Paulbrough and Le Talbo, you are Men of Sense, come, what Cure do you propose for these threatning Evils?  Paul. Vdsbud! 
Cure Sir nay, I believe my Distemper will not last long. Axes and Halters are expert Physicians, they'll quickly put me out of pain.  Le Tal. 
The truth on't is, I have been contriving a CounterPlot.  Cal. 
A Counterplot man! marry that would be to the purpose: prithee let's hear it.  Tal. 
Why I'll e'en make haste and run out of my Wits, and sure they'll ne'er have the Conscience to suspect a madman for a Plotter:  Rem. 
O' my Conscience they'll suspect none else. [aside] ' 'Slife, would any but a madman like this Paulborough, that had a plentiful Fortune, and all things to his wish, that needed no Favours, and might have feared no Frowns, that had sufficient attendance, and might be free from dependence, would any but a Madman, I say, after this have turned Plotter, and make Sale of his Honour, his Estate, and his Conscience, to gain the poor returns of an ill-grounded Friendship, or at best, the caresses of a very weak Prince, and a more wicked man?  [aside. Cal. 
No, come Le Talbo fear nothing, I have a restorative Cordial for us all.  Tal. 
Nay, if your Highness brings us off this once, we shall make sure work i'fack next time, or else I'll give them leave to make mummy of me.  Cal. 
Well then my Friends I'll tell you; I had been contriving with these Ladies how to persuade Androgynes my Brother, to declare himself a Pagan, but this Discovery of our Plot, has also broke the Neck of that design for the present; so that I have resolved on new measures, which nevertheless if they take, will have the same effect as the former.  Paul. 
Udsbud, your Highness revives me.  Cal. 
In the first place then, Demophilus must be taken off; which falls to your Lot Le Talbo, and to be done with speed: if he lives to appear before the Sanhedrim we are all lost.  Tal. 
If he be mortal, your Highness need not fear him; if ever He tell Tales it shall be in a Vision.  Cal. 
His Papers I'll secure, they shall never rise against us.  Paul. 
But this plaguy Sanhedrim, there is no way to secure them too?  Cal. 
That, dear Corinna must thy Province be;  
Gain but that point, and we are blessed for ever;  
Religion, Interest, and Safety too:  
Persuade thy utmost vigilance and care;  
Thou know'st their envious Malice to the self,  
How they'd audaciously control and check▪  
That Bounty which my Royal Brother thinks  
(As 'tis most true) too mean for thy great Merit.  
Remember also what thou wilt deserve  
From our most Holy Prophet, if by thee  
The numerous Lives of all our trusty Pagans  
Shall be redeemed, which by the crafty malice  
Of this insinuating Sanhedrim,  
(If suffered to assemble and continue)  
Will be exposed and made a Sacrifice:  
Such is their brutish Rage and Cruelty,  
It justly may be feared; (though Heaven forbid)  
Their base Designs may even extend to thee;  
Thine therefore, dear Corinna, be the Care  
T' Address Androgynes with Art and Zeal;  
All that thy Fears or Danger can suggest,  
All that a Lover or a Friend can urge,  
All that for Interest and safety too  
Can be produced, must be alleged; and you  
Dear Leonora, must not idly stand,  
If Love or Friendship for Caligula  
Can add to all thy natural Eloquence,  
Thou must exert it now, for now's the crisis  
Of my succeeding Fortunes:  
Nor will ● doubt, when you vouchsafe to bless,  
Caligula will ever want Success.  Leo. 
Duty and Interest so well persuade,  
All other Reasons might have well been spared;  
And think we go with pleasure to obey,  
When such strong Arguments do show the way.  [Exeunt Cor. Leo. Cal. 
Farewell, Dear Punks, [aside.] I'll be hanged but they'll go near to quarrel who shall oblige me most: Well, I will reward them, I will be as just to them as they are to my Brother. These Court Ladies, I find, study Politics as much as Amours; Interest is their grand Principle I see, and therefore they'll resolve to bow to the strongest side: Crafty Gypsies! they find Androgynes stands upon ticklish ground, his Rays grow short and dim, so they naturally turn to the Rising Sun. Well, I must cherish them till they have done my business, and then like an old Garment I'll throw 'em aside. [aside.] Well now Le Talbo, there remains no more than to discredit Pertinax, and ridicule his Evidence, and then let them go whistle with their Plot. What think you, is my Invention good? My witty Brother with his famed Politics will lag behind me perhaps.  Paul. 
Udoslife, if your Highness could teem but once in seven years to such purpose as this, we might save the trouble of sending to the Mufti or the Sorbonne for new projects: Udsbud, your Brother quoth all well, I'll say nothing, but I always thought your Highness had a fruitful Brain.  Cal. 
Well Gentlemen, we must to our several Stations. Le Talbo, you have not many spare hours; all Plots must have time to grow and ripen, that at last they may pop out and be ushered in with as much seeming natural consequence as the dropping of Mellow Fruit.  Le Tal. 
I shall present your Highness with a Scheme of my Measures by to morrow Night, and in ten days you may expect the Execution; and for Pertinax his business, I have a trusty Troop of Myrmidons, whose Forlorn Hope of Mac's, Fitz's and Dermots (like the Giants at the Gates of Enchanted Castles) will frighten your puny Knight-Errants, called juries, into a ready Compliance with their Allegations.  Cal. 
That's right, Le Talbo, I have a strange love for those Myrmydons, as you call them: If I had not a good opinion of my Mother, I should mistrust one or other of them had a hand in my Generation; I do strangely sympathize with them in their Manners and Actions.  Paul. 
Odsountikins, they may be very useful to your Majesty, both in the obtaining and keeping your Kingdoms; I always love to stick close to a King when he has a good Army at his Back; Sword and Pistol are unanswerable Arguments, if his Highness do but rightly apply them.  [aside. Enter Messenger. Mess. 
May it please your Highness, his Majesty requires your Presence in his Cabinet immediately.  Cal. 
What Company are with him?  Mess. 
Aristander, Demophilus, and one called Pertinar, just claimed admittance upon weighty business.  Cal. 
Curse on their business!— but I'll interrupt them,  
I'll try the Metal of their hardened Brows,  
And like their Evil Genius, stare them into silence:  
Le Talbo go, and mind the Grand Concern,  
While I go quash these babbling Fool's Pretensions.  
Give your Attendance, Paulbrough, at Nine,  
And then you may expect my further Orders.  [Le Paulbrough, Talbo bow, and exeunt simul. Manet Caligula solus. Cal. 
Thus far Caligula, thou art safe and right,  
All humane probability assures thee;  
Thou hast laid a firm immovable Foundation,  
Whereon to raise and build thy future greatness;  
And now thou mayst with pleasure stand and gaze  
And view the bulky product of thy Brain:  
First by thy wily arts and stratagems  
Thou hast deceived and drawn Androgynes  
To stand, and privately abett a Plot,  
Chiefly designed and aimed against himself:  
For though to propagate the Pagan Faith,  
And Interest in the Realm of Hungary,  
Be one main end of all thy Machinations;  
Yet thy Ambition, prompted by Revenge,  
Too plainly whispers to thy longing Heart,  
That nothing but thy Brother's Life and Crown  
Fill the desires of thy capacious Soul;  
And though the rest may for the present please,  
Yet these, and these alone complete thy satisfaction:  
Next draw the methods of thy well trained thoughts,  
Each necessary consequence that follows  
Link after Link, as of a long wrought Chain,  
To which at last the Diadem is fastened.  
For first, Suppose our Plot should not succeed,  
As this Discovery does ill presage;  
It serves however to surprise and raise  
The wondering Spirits of the clamorous Crowd,  
Who though by heedless Passions being hurry d,  
Can never comprehend or reach the truth;  
Yet will (like children's Bug-bears) from Ideas  
Of monstrous, unaccountable Proceedings;  
Then to keep up and heighten their just Fears,  
I must prevail with poor Androgynes  
Abruptly to Dissolve the Sanhedrim,  
ere they can dive into the Mystery;  
Thereby dividing equally between us  
The Burden of their Doubts and Jealousies,  
And also cut that Gordian Knot of Love  
Which long has kept him Monarch of their Hearts.  
Thus by fomenting Heats and Jars between them,  
I've time to con my long laid project over;  
And when by my Encitements he has wrought  
All that his Ease and Luxury durst venture,  
Then, then's the Minute, dear Caligula,  [clapping himself on the Shoulder. 
Then, then to finish thy mysterious Projects;  
Then by some gentle working Opiate  
To lay his restive Soul in its eternal Slumber.  
And surely after all this toil, 'tis just  
Some suitable Reward attend thy merit.  
Crowns but too meanly recompense the pain;  
Usurpers suffer ere they can obtain.  
Finis Actus Primi.    


ACT. II. SCENE I. A Prison.  Enter Intrigou. Two Jebesites, and Remarquo at a distance. Int. 
THIS plaguy Demophilus! the Tribune, like a subtle Lurcher, trepanned me out of my strong Hold, and between jest and earnest, decoyed me into a plain Confession of all; if I were but secure of him, I'd no more care for Pertinax's Depositions, than for the braying of an Ass.  Jeb. 
The truth on't is, if he come in as a second Witness, it may be dangerous; but let me see; [he pauses] Our Society should not want an expedient upon a case of necessity, one would thinks.  Rew. 
No, o'my Conscience; if there be Halter, Dagger or Poison to be got, you need not despair of healing a small Breach: What a complication of Villainies these Plotters are forced to engage in? like Thiefs, who when they have robbed a Man of his Money, are many times forced to cut his Throat for fear of a Discovery. Ah poor Demophilus! there's an actum est of thee, I fear, and what is worse, I stand like one that from an adjacent Hill beholds a Shipwreck; yet the boisterous Sings bear so sierce and high, that I dare not attempt to save thee.  aside. Enter Nobbs. N. 
Your Servant, good Intriguo; what down in the Mouth Man? Come cheer up, the Duke sent me to tell you, he'd take care to release you speedily: Good lack, if it were my case, how easily would I baffle that silly Rogue Pertinax! you shall see in a little time how I'll ridicule all his Depositions: C'nad I have a way with me, and let me tell you, that way shall make room for another way, till at last, mark you me, there shall be nothing in the way.  Rem. 
What Buffoon have we got here! Oh! cry a'mercy, this is the State-Scribler, and Caligulas' Journeyman Pamphleteer, the Paper-Bully, that would set Rules to other People, and observe none himself; that with some few Flowers of Rhetoric plasters over his Nonsense, and would ridicule the World into a valuable opinion of it; that for the sake of a Pension has forsworn telling truth, and was the first that ever made Lying a Profession.  (aside. Int. 
Come prithee Nobbs, leave off jesting for once, and tell me, What does the World say of this Plot?  N. 
What Plot, Sir? what Plot? I tell you that in a little time I'll make it as plain as if I writ with a Sunbeam, that there was not, is not, cannot, shall not be a Plot; and let me tell you, Sir, I'll do it so artificially, so smoothly, that egad Sir, though you be in it yourself, when you read my Descants upon it, you shall have much ado to believe it.  Int. 
I wish to Mahomet thou couldst do this Feat before my Trial comes on, it would save me a great deal of Trouble in my Defence, and my Fears of a tender conscienced Jury.  N. 
Oh Sir, no; the Plot must be in a manner proved first, or else you must know it would not be worth my while to confute it.  Int. 
Oh! Devil! proved quoth he! I am like to be finely fitted then, I shall hanged as round as a Hoop.  N. 
What signifies that, as long as I prove there was no Plot afterwards? That's the main Point.  Int. 
Thou hast struck a plaguy Damp upon me: His Words seem to be prophetic, and presage ill to me.  (aside. Rem. 
Though I cant suspect the Mercenary Jove of telling truth, yet his Words were dark and ominous. (aside. Who knows but our good Caligula, out of Revenge for his Confession, and a desire to stop his Mouth for the future, may e'en suffer him to be tripped over, and so make sure of one? I know his Cruelty and ingratitude will not let him stick at any thing that may seem to advance his Designs.  (aside. N. 
Pish, prithee Intriguo, thou art more a Man than to be disgruntled at my Words; thou knowest 'tis my way, I make a Jest of every thing; I had once a design to ridicule the Whole Duty of Man, and Practice of Piety; and egad if I had gone on with it, I'd have made them as mere Banters as the Seven Wise Masters, or Tom Thumb.  Int. 
Why but Nobbs, we Pagans pretend to a little Conscience; Hast thou none at all?  N. 
Pugh! we Authors have no more Conscience than Physicians or Lawyers, we write for our Fee, and let the Causes justle as they please: There's only this peculiar Knowledge requisite in an Author, that is, to know who and who's together, and which side is uppermost. I have been tumbled to and fro, and tossed up and down, yet still have been so happy as to light on my feet like a Cat: About forty years ago I was Fidler in Ordinary to the Usurper, and then took up with Ballads and small Sonnets in his Praise and Vindication; then when the King came in, I only changed Masters, and wriggled myself into the News-Office; and quickly perceiving how the World went, I fell a work on political Observations, and by a sort of Jack-pudding Wit, peculiar to me, egad I made many a counterfeit piece of Sense pass for currant Ingenuity.  Rem. 
A very good Summary of his Life; what a great deal of pains he has taken to prove himself a Fool and a Rakeshame?  (aside Int. 
Pray Mahomet I fall on my Feet, as you call it, for I am on a plaguy Precipice.  N. 
Oh! alas you need not fear, the Duke will remember you, you know he is always true to his Word: Well, I hope to see thee abroad very speedily, we must crack a Pint together; the worst on't is, thou wants air here.  Rem. 
His Worship and you may have air enough one day; I am mistaken in my Politics if I done't in time see you both hang in the open Air.  (aside. Int. 
Well honest Nobbs, thou must let me see thee sometimes, and in the mean time give my humble Duty to my Master Caligula.  N. 
I shall be your faithful Servant, and so farewell dear Intrigo.  (Exit Nobbs. Jeb. 
An excellent Fellow this for our purpose, he neither wants Words nor Impudence, and those are two good Qualities to engage with Plot Catchers, Signior Intriguo.  Int. 
Ay, as he said, when the Plot is half proved or more, he will be a proper Man to amuse the World, and banter them into a disbelief of it; but in the mean time 'twill lie hard on me, if there be enough proved to condemn me; for if I be hanged for a trial of skill, you know it will be but little satisfaction to me whether it be proved or no afterwards.  Jeb. 
Oh but Signior Intriguo, there's the Merit of the Cause, and the advantage of Mother Church, which ought to supersede all other Considerations whatever.  Int. 
Why truly Father, the thought of an Halter brings many Scruples into my Head; and upon a strict examination, I do not find that I have lived so much a Saint, as to have Courage to die a Martyr.  Jeb. 
By Mahomet this Fellows Cowardice will undo us and the Cause; Udslife! we must find some expedient to stop his tattling.  (aside. Rem. 
So, here's like to be more work; did you ever hear such unreasonable Devils? they grumble at the Fellow, because he scruples to hang out of complaisance.  aside. Jeb. 
Prithee Intrigno, what needst thou fear? Demophilus, who is the greatest Evidence, will be taken off, the Duke has given Orders about it already, and we are preparing counter-Evidence to discredit Pertinax: Besides, if matters come to the worst, the Duke has a Pardon ready for you: All therefore that lies upon you is, to be silent; for upon the least voluntary Discovery you're a dead Man on all sides.  Int. 
Well 'tis in vain to question and dispute  
With them whose power and will are absolute:  
I've served my Master with a just regard,  
'Tis left to Time to witness my Reward.  Exeunt omnes.   

ACT II.  

SCENE II. An Antichamber.  Enter King, Aristander, Paulbrough, Demophilus, Remarquo, Attendants, etc. King. 
COme, pray my Lord, this is a Day of joy,  
And should be wholly sacrificed to pleasure.  
A Day, which like some lucky cast at Dice,  
Gave back with Interest all my lost Dominions.  
Has not the meanest of my Subjects leave  
To revel and disport themselves to day  
To drink, and to congratulate my Return,  
And pay their Vows to Heaven for my Safety?  
And can you grudge that I should be partaker  
Of Blessings, which alone seem pointed out  
By bounteous Providence for my Enjoyment?  
Come prithee, cease this noise of Plots and Tricks,  
Hatched only in the Brain of some wellmeaning Zealot,  
Who, to exert his love, has formed Ideas  
Of things he vainly fears, and all composed  
Of dissonant Improbabilities.  
Fresh, young, and hitherto untouched? sayst thou, I'll be ready exactly at Six; have you got my Disguise ready? [he turns to Paulbrough.] It makes a Crown plaguy heavy and uneasy to have such a Company of Attendants hanging at it continually.  Paul. 
ud's bodikims! she's the dearest plump Creature as ever your Majesty saw; she made my old blood trickle, trickle, like a Snowball in the Sun; I was at the hardest task in the World to keep nature within bounds, but only respect to your Majesty's wants went a great way with me.  Rem. 
His wants, quoth he! yes, his Majesty wants a Mistress, as a rich Miser wants Money; that is, he'll never be satisfied till he has enjoyed the whole Sex; if he holds on for seven years longer, we shall have a new stock of Nobles of his own begetting, he'll quickly have a House of Peers at least to his own mind: and yet, poor Man, he has very bad Fortune in the choice of his Ladies; I'll be hanged but this fine thing they talk of is some cast Wench of this Lechers, and to save Charges, he recommends her to the King for preferment. Well! this King of ours, say what he will, must be a Pagan in his heart, he's such a plaguy admirer of Relics. But was ever Prince so besotted and bigoted to Effeminacy and Pleasures, as to neglect all the necessary and weighty Affairs of this Kingdom, nay, even the Safety of his Life, which is so evidently proved to be conspired against by his goodly Brother the Duke, to neglect all for that trifling Gugaw Woman! Heavens reform him!  Arist. 
If less than th' hazard of your Sacred Person  
Together with the Universal ruin  
Of our Religion, Laws, and Lives provoked us  
Now to implore your diligence and care  
In time to quell this many headed Monster,  
Whose Jaws are stretched and ready to devour us,  
We might be taxed of importunity  
And bold intrusion on your Royal-Secrets;  
But since 'tis proved the Net's already laid,  
And waits but an unwary foot to tread it;  
Since the whole Scheme of Uillanies unheard of,  
To burn, destroy, and to depopulate;  
Since in the Hurry of this wished confusion  
'Tis plainly proved, and here demonstrated,  
Your Royal Self is singly pointed out  
To fall an undistinguished Victim to their Rage,  
Believe it the Effect of duteous Zeal,  
When we thus beg your Majesty's Observance.  
Demophilus can show the Depositions.  [The King mises. Paul. 
My Lord, these Arguments produced by you  
May well be looked upon as innocent,  
Proceeding from your well known Loyalty;  
But yet, my Lord, we should advance with Prudence,  
And not lash out with Prejudice and Passion:  
The proofs of this famed Plot produced, are known  
Even by the King to be both weak and frivolous.  Dem. 
Yes, yes, the Proofs by him are too well known:  
Heaven grant I be not made a proof of it.  [Aside. Paul. 
The Evidence is mean and pitiful,  
So much of Rascal in his Looks appears,  
It seems improbable, that men of sense  
(And Fools could ne'er pretend to manage it)  
Would e'er intrust that Villain with the Secret.  Dem. 
My Lord, when Villainies, like these, are first projected,  
Can we expect that Honesty is pitched on  
As a fit Quality for th'execution?  
Ruffians and Villains are chosen out on purpose  
As learned and knowing in these Deeds of Darkness:  
Beside, there's such a natural Complication  
Of black Designs alleged by Pertinax,  
As is beyond the Art of Man to feign.  
Intriguo's Letters plainly do evince  
The Mufti and the Pagan's resolutions  
T'eradicate the Christian Interest hence;  
(Called by the Name of Northern Heresy.)  
His Letters will be read.  Paul. 
But thou shalt never  
Live to produce them, or stand the Test against him.  
And I shall give an account of your Friend's  [aside. 
Civil Reflections upon my Master; the Duke will not be  
Long in his Debt, I'll secure him.  [aside, Rem. 
This Count Paulbrough's muttering to himself does not hood well, I hope he has not the Art of Conjuring, though I think we need not fear his raising any thing worse than himself.  King. 
The Mufti and Caligula's Designs  
To advance the Pagan Interest in my Kingdoms  
I partly guests, and easily believe;  
And if without the hazard of my Pleasures  
(As hath been promised) it were brought about,  
I should not care to wink at their Endeavours:  
Nay, I already have indulged them so,  
That they have shared my Favours to the Public,  
And undisturbed, have lived with equal freedom;  
And sure their black Ingratitude could never,  
After these gracious Condescensions,  
Leave them so destitute of all good Morals,  
So base, ungenerous, and perjured too,  
As to conspire and plot my Death and Ruin?  
My Brother too! It cannot be!—————  [The King muses again. Paul. 
Udsountikins! what can be the meaning of this musing and thinking? I have heard the Duke my Master say, he had rather have to do with half an hundred jolly, smirking, plump Fellows, than with one pale-faced lean plodding Mortal, they are always hatching Mischief, with a plague to 'em; this Rule may hold (saving in his Majesty's Presence) now, for aught I know; His Highness looks very demure, I must find out a way to break the Charm:  [aside. [He goes to the Door awhile, and comes running in again with a Paper in his hand, and whispers the King.] 
Sir! Sir! your Majesty does not consider the time's past, and the dear little Angel has been expecting us with impatience. Well! 'tis a rare thing to be King, they need not stand whining and pining for love, 'tis but look and like and the Business is done.  King. 
Then she's a dear coming thing, Paulbrough; 'tis true, I hate a formal siege, where a body must waste good part of ones Ammunition before one can gain the Fort; I am clearly for one vigorous Assault, and love that my Enemy should trust my Generosity, and Surrender at Discretion. Well, Aristander and Demophilus, we commend your Loyal Care, and will consider of your Address. Come, lead the way Paulbrough.  Exeunt King, Paulbrough, Aristander, Demophilus, Attendants; manet Remarquo solus. Remarquo solus. Rem. 
How this old Serpent Paulbrough tempts the good easy natured Prince; he knows his weak side, and won't give him a minute's time to recall an Error. Here's plotting and counterplotting of all hands, but Heaven knows on whom the Burden will light! This Duke of ours is as busy as a Bee in Spring, though o'my Conscience he makes more Gall than Honey; he has some dark deep design on foot, which I must watch and unravel. Well, though his Brother be not over-cordial in his Affections to his People, yet of two Evils the least is to be chosen.  
Time may perhaps mend and reclaim the first,  
But under This we are for ever Cursed.  Exit Rem.  

Scene III. The Queen's Palace.  Enter Le Talbo and three Cutthroats. Tal. 
LOok ye here Gentlemen, I always took ye for the Dukes very good Friends, and I can assure you, he speaks very Kindly of you.  1 Cut. 
Nay, I must needs say he is a very good Paymaster, I have been Cutthroat in Ordinary to him these many years, and I cannot say he owes me a farthing: Let the World say what they will, I'll e'en praise the Bridge I go over.  2 Cut. 
Nay, nay, I know his Highness as well as you, I had bargained with him about a small Job once, but things did not hit, so we were forced to give it over. But pray Sir, let us know how many there are to be dispatched?  Tal. 
Why, truly Sirs, you will have more work than you can turn your hands to in a little time; but at present I think one will do our Business.  Omnes. 
But One!  [They shrug and scratch. 3 Cut. 
I hoped we should have had every one his man at least. Good lack! all this plotting and but one Throat to be cut! Brother, we must ask high, or we shall never be able to live at this rate: (aside.) Pray Sir, is he old or young? for there is a great difference in Throats, and we must proportion our Wages according to the Difficulty of the Work: Oh! there are some Throats as tough as Whitleather.  Tal. 
These are pure Rogues indeed, they talk as formally of cutting Throats as if they had a Charter for their Profession; 'tis a Regular Vocation with them: (aside.) I'll tell you Sirs in short, there is a diminutive old paltry Fellow, whom for no less Considerations than conspiring against the Duke's Life and Honour, and endeavouring to render the honest Pagans of Hungary Traitors, horrid Traitors and Plotters against the King's Life and his Highness, I would willingly have decently laid aside.  1 Cut. 
Ay, all the reason in the World, my very Conscience rises at him; Oh! Villain! Did you ever hear of such a wicked Fellow? What, Sir, will be the Purchase— you know what I mean, how much Sir? how much? You know we always make sure work,— Five hundred pounds Brother is but a small matter considering—  2 Cut. 
But considering the Gentleman promiseth we shall have the rest of his Highness's Work, let him drop the other Hundred, and here's Don Diego that shall do his Business.  Tal. 
Vdsniggs, five hundred pounds! (He pulls out a Dagger.) hold (He pauses.) egad, I have an itching desire to do it myself. (Aside.) Come Friend, I was in good hopes, when thou were't talking of Conscience, thou wouldst have been reasonable, and have had some respect to the Cause, I guess you are all Pagans yourselves.  3 Cut. 
Truly, Sir, we have no Religion but our Trade, and we are always of that side that bids most money.  Tall. 
Ha! I have brought myself into a fine Praemunire then egad; I find if I am outbid, I may have my own Throat cut: What a plaguy thing it is to be such a cowardly Dog as I am? If I could have found in my heart to have undertaken this myself, I might have been clear of all this danger, and have had Five hundred pound in my Pocket. Well, I am in too far, and must go thorough with them. (Aside.) Well, Gentlemen, considering my Master has a kindness for you, I'll not be a niggard of his money; here's an hundred and fifty Pieces in hand, which shall be made up Five hundred within three days after you have done your Business. And now I'll tell you the person, you cannot but know him, 'tis Sir Demophilus the Tribune, that lives between Alba Regalis and the Queen's Palace.  1 Cut. 
Oh lau! is it he? an ugly cross-grained old Rogue, our old Persecutor: Know him, quoth he? Ay marry, and good reason, I had cut his Throat long ago, if I could have light of a Chapman, for 'tis against our Oath to do it gratis. If a man had been bread all his life time to some honest Vocation, suppose Picking of Pockets, etc. yet this unconscionable Fellow, if he could catch him, would punish him severely; and as I take it, that's clearly against the Statute: I'll engage your Business done Sir.  Tal. 
And pray, as soon as may be.  2 Cut. 
'Tis yet early, and I know his House, and we'll dog him, if it be possible, this very day.  Tal. 
One thing I had forgot, if you can decoy him into the Water gate, we can order matters so as to have his Body at our disposal. You had best dispatch, the Sun grows high.  3 Cut. 
Before to morrow's dawn we may give you a good account of him; till then, Sir, Farewell.  Exeunt Cutthroats. Manet Le Talbo solus. Tal. 
I think I am now in a hopeful way of thriving; Secrets of this importance cannot but recommend me in a peculiar manner to the Duke's favour; and as he Rises (which, as far as I can gather, will not be deferred long) to be sure I shall be moving and climbing too, and when I am out of their reach, what care I for a company of conscientious Fools prattle? Well, for my part, I am none of those hot-headed Fools that would venture my Life, and a good Pension, for a few vain Words and Babble; When a Man calls me Coward, I cry his Humble Servants. Let another call me Cuckold, Pimp, Varlet, or Cutthroat, I laugh in his face, and tell him he Jests, and we are as good Friends again as ever; and let other men take their own Measures as they please, I am sure 'twas these good Qualities that made me a Favourite: Here's Demophilus the Tribune would needs be officious forsooth, and see what he'll get by it: And there's half a dozen more will have their Rewards in good time, I'll warrant them.  
They are by Prudence and Discretion lead,  
Who most the Paths of Safety strive to tread:  
True Courage, needless danger most does fly,  
And none but Fools can covet misery.  
Finis Actus Secundi.    


ACT. III.  
SCENE I. The Water-gate at the Queen's Palace.  Enter two Cutthroats. 1 Cut. 
PRithee Sullen, thou art always so impatient and drowsy, Udszookers, dost think to get thy Living by snoring? Come, come, let me tell you, this will be a comfortable Jobb, and we ought not to grudge our Pains.  2 Cut. 
Why, I don't know Brother Meager what's the matter with me to night, I am neither drowsy nor impatient, but I have a sort of an unusual Qualm come over me: I did not understand this Le Talbo's Reason for taking off this Demophilus; Prithee what dost thou think it?  1 Cut. 
Nay, as for his Reason, I have nothing to do with it; if it be a false one, let him look to it, I am innocent. I am sure an hundred and fifty hard solid pieces of Gold carry reason enough to excuse me.  2 Cut. 
Why then, is there no point of Honour or Conscience to be observed in our Trade, Meager?  1 Cut. 
Ha-Ha-Ha- thou mak'st me laugh in good earnest; Honour and Conscience, quoth he! Yes, yes, as much as in Usurers and Bankrupts, who when they have cheated and ruined the unwary young Prodigals, cast up their Eyes in a transport, and pretend to give God thanks for their good Fortune, my Pocket's the Rule of my Conscience.  2 Cut. 
But I would very fain know what this Demophilus has done.  1 Cut. 
Thou art a mere Novice, I see, never ask what he has done, but how much we are to receive. This plaguy Rawbone sure has got him, he stays so long; be sure you observe your Cue, Sullen.  2 Cut. 
Well! Well! Qualms never continue long with me, a thin Purse, and an empty Belly always cure my Melancholy.  Enter third Cutthroat and gives a Hem or two. 1 Cut. 
Ha! That's the sign! Sullen, Sullen, make ready, our Game is drawing nigh.  3 Cut. 
Sullen!  2 Cut. 
Rawbone!  3 Cut. 
Where's Meager? Sontikins we have him Boys, he's within forty Paces, and alone, to our wishes; if we miss him now, I'll despair of him for ever. Be sure keep your Post, and be exactly ready; stand drawn, for fear of losing time: for rather than fail we must chop him down any how.  Enter Demophilus. 
While Demophilus walks soberly along, Rawbone, just as he is passing the Water-gate, pops out upon him; in the mean time Sullen and Meager are just seen within the Scenes with their Swords drawn, clashing together as in a real quarrel.  Raw. 
For Heaven's sake, Sir! as you are a Christian and a Gentleman, give your Assistance to part a couple of Friends, who are just now engaging in a quarrel within the Gate.  Dem. 
Alack! withal my heart, Sir. (He turns to the Scene, and see's them fighting.) Come, pray Gentlemen, don't murder one another here— in— the— dark. [Rawbone comes behind him, and while he is speaking, pusheth him violently forward, and presently the other two lay hold on him, and drag him within the Scene.] 'Slife! who's that? what— do— you mean? Sir! Oh! Villains, unhand— me! what? will you— mu— murder— me?  1 Cut. 
We'll only cut your throat, or so, Sir. Stop his mouth Rawbone, and bring him to the Rales.  2 Cut. 
Shall we strangle or run him through?  Dem. 
Oh! Villains! O— my— Go— God Gent— lemen— have you— [he struggles with them.] no— pi— pi— tie! Oh! spa— m— li— ife.  2 Cut. 
He's safe enough; let's consider, if we wound him, the Blood will be seen.  Raw. 
No, no I'll twist his Neck, or strangle him.  Dem. 
Go— Go— d re— receive my Soul!  [Here he struggles, and they get him down.] 3 Cut. 
So, that Groan carried him off: he'll trouble himself no more with Plots, or Depositions, I'll warrant him.  1 Cut. 
I can but laugh to think how sneakingly he'll look to morrow when he finds his Neck broke: but what shall we do with him, ho?  2 Cut. 
Why, let's tie a good weight to him, and throw him into the River.  1 Cut. 
No, no, that's against our Orders. We'll carry him into the adjoining Mosque, till we know Duke's farther Resolutions; A murrain on't; our Business is so soon over! Two or three such Jobs would set me afloat bravely.  2 Cut. 
Never fear Boys; now the Duke's hand is in, he'll never do his Business by halves; they whisper at Court that the young Prince Damasippus and he have had a brush lately, and that Count Aristander and several other Nobles are taken notice of for their Zeal in the Discovery of this Plot; we can never fail of a good Harvest where there is so much Seed sown.  3 Cut. 
Well, well, we'll talk of this another time; let's away with the Body.  2 Cut. 
Ay, come hoist. (They take up the Body of Demophilus and carry him within the Scenes.)  1 Cut. 
hay ho, a Tribune's as, heavy as three other People.  3 Cut. 
Udsbud, you may be sure he can't be very light, when he has the whole Plot in his Belly.  Exeunt Cutthroats.  

SCENE II. St. Jaques.  Enter Caligula, Le Talbo, Remarquo at a distance. Cal. 
ALready! Le Talbo, and so dexterously! give the honest Villains Fifty Pieces more to drink my Health; they deserve it: How all things prosper with me! Well, these Jebusites of mine are great Politicians, they have blown the Plot up root and branch! But what did he say before he died?  Tal. 
Why, they say he kept a great pother about his Sins, and begged for a little time to prepare himself: but—  Cal. 
He was a silly man to be unprovided; for he might have read his Destiny from the Minute of his Discovery. I hope some others will take Example by him; my Quiver is not empty yet.  Rem. 
Nor will be, while there's a good man in the Kingdom left.  (aside. 
Unless kind Heavens in pity do look down▪  
And bar thy prospect to the Imperial Crown;  
Thence all our Woes and Miseries proceed,  
Thy heart's the Nest where all our Mischiefs breed.  
Hungaria ne'er expects a happy Day  
Till thou prove kind, and take thy self away.  Tal. 
These Cutthroats Arguments are very persuasive, they make a man a Convert in a moment: If your Highness did but see how demurely he looks, a body would not think he knew any thing of the matter.  Rem. 
Good Heavens! were there ever such hardened Villains! Murder is a downright Diversion with them, as if they killed a man only for the opportunity of breaking a Jest: Sure this will not go long unpunished.  (aside. Tal. 
But as to your Disposal of him, Sir.  Cal. 
I have already consulted it, and sent my Orders for the Execution. I want some body to form some plausible Arguments that he killed himself, for so it is given out.  Enter Nobbs. Tal. 
Udslife! how Providence throws every thing in your Highness's Mouth? here's the fittest Fellow alive for it.  Cal. 
Thou art in the right; I have not seen the Blade these ten days, which made me forget him. How now Nobbs, what thou art not concerned in this strange Plot, art thou? Thou hast been absent so long, a body would suspect thee.  Nobbs. 
Yes efack, it is strange indeed, that there should be such abundance of Talk, and Nothing to be seen of it: But as my Brother Bays ingeniously says,  
Plots, true or false, are necessary things  
To set up Commonwealths, and pull down Kings.  
Well, I'll lay a Groat I fit those Roguy whigs with Invention one of these days, they will not be quiet till I have mauled 'em. But I pray did your Highness hear the News?  Cal. 
No: what News prithee, Nobbs?  Nobbs. 
Why, there's an Hue and Cry after Demophilus the Tribune, for hanging himself.  Tal. 
Hanging himself, man! is it true?  Nobbs. 
True, I'll warrant, for he can't be found high nor low.  Cal. 
Why, how dost know he has hanged himself then?  Nobbs. 
Why, ant please your Highness, I prove in thus: None but Madmen and Fools hang themselves; but Demophilus was a Madman and a Fool, therefore he hanged himself. Ha— ha— ha, there's an Argument off-hand egad, I'll have it in my next Observator egad, and you shall see how the grave Citts will hammer upon it: This is only to show your Highness how an ingenious Man may baffle this dull plodding World egad: But the plain truth on't is, I do hear it whispered about that he has made away with himself, but as yet I know no particulars.  Enter Messenger. Mess. 
My Lord, Count Paulbrough sends your Highness' word, that Demophilus the Tribune was this Morning sound run thorough the Body with his own Sword near Pyramose-Hill.  Ex. Mess. Cal. 
Ha! 'tis strange! though indeed I guessed he would come to some such end; he was an ill man.  Rem. 
Nay, if thou hadst been either ignorant or Innocent, he had not yet come to his end. Oh! Vengeance! Vengeance!  Cal. 
Now, though the matter is plain, that he was his own Executioner, yet 'tis forty to one but some malicious Tongue will throw it upon others: Nay, they have been bold in some things, not to spare even our Royal self.  Nobbs. 
Pish, pish, 'tis as plain as the Sun, and the Reason for it prevent all dispute; for either there was a Plot, or there was not: If there was a Plot, he was afraid the Sanhedrim would have brought him in for a Snack for not discovering it sooner; and let me tell you, a man had as good be half hanged as be brought before a House of Commons; ergo, He was afraid, and so forth. And if there was no plot, as to be sure there is not, why then, mark you me, there's Scandalium Magnatum, and a hundred other Plagues, that let me be hanged, I think he took the best way to remove himself by a Habeas Corpus; and if this be not demonstration, I'll be bound to write Ballads as long as I live; and there's something for Observator again.  Cal. 
Such as these will do Nobbs: and I would have thee be speedy, and fall on first, to prevent all others babbling.  Nobbs. 
Nay, let me be hanged, an't please your Highness, but you have hit upon my way to an hairs breadth; for when there is any Matter of Consequence likely to be disputed, then what do me I, mark you me, but espouse the Court Curse to be sure, right or wrong; and then do I, in a bantering sort of way, insinuate and introduce all the Arguments that the other side can possibly be supposed to bring, and by ridiculing some, and waving the rest, egad I leave them bustling and scratching their Heads to find out new Matter; for efack, if they come once to Repetition, whip I slave 'em like Schoolboys; so that egad in Conclusion I'll prove that this Sir Demophilus feloniously laid violent hands upon him-himself, and no body shall dare to contradict it: and so I humbly bid your Highness Farewell.  Cal. 
Farewell honest Nobbs.  Exit Nobbs. 
Well, Now Le Talbo, we are passed the worst,  
We have shot that dangerous Gulf that threatened us.  
Now with expanded Sails we'll gently glide  
Through the calm Sea of Safety and of Pleasure.  
In this Demophilus alone did lie  
Our cursed Christians Hopes, and all our Fears.  
His Virtue, Age, Religion, Piety,  
If e'er he had faced the haughty Sanhedeim  
Had given him credit there beyond Exception.  
His urgent Testimony, without doubt,  
Backed with the Circumstance of Things and Persons,  
Intriguo's Letters, Pertinax his Oaths,  
Had carried such a prevailing Influence  
Over the too inclining Sanhedrim,  
As would have surely ruined us for ever.  
But he is gone— Le Tal.  
What then does still remain  
A stop to all your glorious Resolutions?  Cal. 
None but what Time and moderate Industry  
Will with a kind of natural Ease wear off.  
This, my Le Talbo, was necessity,  
What common Nature did persuade me to;  
(Self-preservation all men teach and practise)  
But now Ambition and Revenge succeeds,  
(The darling Passions of all High-born Souls  
And whisper to my longing listening Soul  
The dazzling Glories of a glittering Crown.  
Now, my great Genius cries, now is the time  
In which, Caligula, thy Suffering Friends  
Expect thee as their Great Deliverer,  
Why shouldst thou wait the heavy tedious motion  
Of thy Lethargic Brother, who, whilst thou  
Tir'st out thy Active Soul with Care and Zeal  
To mould the Embryo's of thy deep laid Projects,  
And warm them into Life and wished Perfection;  
Supinely wanders through the ambiguous Maze  
Of Love and Ease and wanton Luxury,  
Careless of Dangers, yet of all afraid;  
To bear unfit, yet still creating trouble;  
Why shouldst thou thus weigh down thy yielding shoulders,  
Which serve to prop and hold the tottering State  
Whilst he drills out a dull inglorious Ease,  
And yet shares all the Profits, all the Pleasures?  
No, no Caligula, this must not be;  
This dull delay, this tedious lukewarm Zeal,  
Does ill agree with all thy vast Designs:  
If thou resolv'st to taste this Golden Fruit,  
Now, now's the time to make thy fit approaches;  
Now whilst the careless Guardian-Dragon's sleeping.  
Le Talbo.  Tal. 
My Lord!  Cal. 
I Love my Brother, I think.  Tal. 
Your Brother, Sir! alack, good Prince, so do I, and every honest body, a meek well-natured Kind as ever was known. But that—▪  Cal. 
But what, Le Talbo! it seems he is not so good, but thou hast an Exception for him.  Tal. 
I humbly ask your Highness's Pardon; it was ill manners in me to make an Exception.  Cal. 
What was't, Le Talbo? sure thou may'st speak to me with freedom.  Tal. 
Good lack, Sir, I meant nothing but that, as all other men, he has some few small failings.  Cal. 
Nay, He is not an Angel, I wish to Heaven he was.  Tal. 
Good lack! how my wishes jump with your Highness; I have wished so many a time; Good Prince! he deserves to be one; this world is not worthy of him.  Cal. 
Yet he cannot find in his heart to leave it; he is in love with his Life, as bad Poets are with their Verses, and gives us the tedious Repetition of it every day.  Tal. 
Nay, the worst thing I like in him is, he won't take your Highness's good Advice.  Cal. 
He is like the Dog in the Manger, that will neither eat the Hay himself, nor suffer the Horse.  Tal. 
Nay, now your Highness gives me leave, I will speak; He is neither true Pagan, nor Christian, but a mere Trimmer between both, and foments a Division between both Parties, merely to stave off their Designs against himself.  Cal. 
He has often promised, and as often deceived me, and what is worse, I fear will never perform: Therefore, Le Talbo, I have resolved to change my measures, and take the shortest way to the accomplishment of my Designs.  Tal. 
And your Highness is much in the right; I am for falling too, without the formality of a long Grace; I hate waiting.  Rem. 
But yet some little time must be allowed,  
That all things may be ready for his Journey.  
All that his easy Nature can be drawn to  
Must be performed before you let him part;  
He must the Ground and great Foundations lay  
Whereon your future Buildings must be raised;  
Charters, and Quo Warrantoes, Dispensations  
Must be begun and entered on by him:  
The Plot discouraged, hissed, and out of doors,  
Or burnt; from whose engendering Ashes must  
An Infant monstrous Phoenix Plot arise.  
Some hot bold plodding Heads too must be lopped  
For diving into your mysterious Secrets,  
And fall thereby a weighty Sacrifice  
To past Resentments, as to future Fears.  
When this, and more, from thee Androgynes,  
Has been obtained (whereby will be allayed,  
Perhaps diverted from his guilty self  
The Odium, which such black Miscarriages  
Alas! will too too surely bring upon thee)  
Then like some useless old unfashioned Garment  
Thou art thrown aside, despised, unpityed, laughed at.  (aside. Enter Count Paulbrough, running. Paul. 
Udsbud, an't please your Highness, there's more bad News; 'Sountikins, I sweat for fear.  Cal. 
Thou never bring'st any good I think, what's the matter now?  Paul. 
Why, Udsbud, Intriguo is undone, quite undone; he has been tried and found Guilty of a plaguy Pagan Plot, in the Devil's Name, and the Sanhedrim have Petitioned to have him Executed off hand.  Cal. 
I did not care for all that, so I had but his Tongue secure, a fearful babbling Dog; but I have taken care to have him fitted.  
Good Services may sometimes want regard,  
But bad ones seldom fail of their reward.  [Exeunt omnes.   


ACT III. Scene III.  
A Prison.  Enter Intriguo, two Jebusites, Goaler. Intr. 
NO Reprieve come! 'tis impossible!  Goal. 
'Tis true, and you have but two hours to prepare yourself for Death.  Int. 
Good lack, the Duke promised I should have it early, and without fail.  First, Jeb. 
Nay, nay, and if he promised it, you need not scruple it; I wish I had a good security for my Life.  Second, Jeb. 
However, let the worst betide, I can thank my Stars, I die in a good Cause.  Intriguo. 
But for the present Father, I have a strange inclination to live in a good one; vengeance on it, I never liked this desperate way of maintaining a Cause as we call it.  Goal. 
Sir, Let me tell you my Sentiments clearly, you have but a very short time to consider of the great Journey you are going to take: I advise you therefore to improve it to advantage, if a Reprieve comes at last, you are still the same, if not (which may be doubted) you cannot but be doubly grieved, as doubly disappointed.  Int. 
And art thou then Intriguo thus deluded?  
Are thus thy blooming hopes so Swiftly vanished?  
Are thus thy faithful Services repaid?  
And all thy care and hearty Zeal requited?  
'S'Death! shall I tamely, fall a Sacrifice  
To the designs of an ungrateful Master?  
Shall I in guilty Silence chose to die;  [Aside. 
When his bear speaking might preserve my Life?  
Or like some Novice, when the Rooking Gamester,  
By Subtle Cheating Arts, has drained his Pocket;  
Stand both the Ridicule and Jest of my Imposers.  
Hast not thou yet, Intriguo, in thy power,  
To pay the mighty Debt exacted on thee?  
Would not the willing Sanhedrim vouchsafe to hear;  
And praise, and save thee for thy just Discovery.  
Ah! yes they would— But now the Brazen head,  
Has doomed thee lost for ever; Time is past.  
And like the unwary Passenger, whose way,  
Leads o'er the dry deserted Strand, thou didst.  [Aside. 
Delay the lucky minute of thy passage,  
Staying, alas; till the returning Waves,  
O'er took, surrounded, grasped and overwelmed thee.  Enter Nobs. 
Ha! Nobs here; nay, then, perhaps, I may have wronged my Master: He did not hear me, I hope.  (Aside.) N. 
Siegnior Intriguo, his Royal Highness the Duke, has sent—  Int. 
A Reprieve, or Pardon? Speak my good Angel; Has my just Master thought me worthy of his Remembrance? Good Prince, I did not doubt his Mercy; but you know the very Apprehensions of Death, do strangely perplex a man: But prithee, dear Nobs, let's fee my last Comfort; my Hopes, my Joy; dear lack, how strangely I am altered in a moment; well, I vow, I was very melancholy, till I saw you, thou art born under a lucky Planet, thou always bring'st good Tidings with thee. Come let me see it; is it a clear Pardon, or a Reprieve for pleasure.  N. 
A clear downright Pardon, an absolute Acquittance, for all Debts, Dues, and Demands, etc. That you shall never be troubled for any thing of Plot or Plotting again, while you breath.  Int. 
Look you here now, good lack, what an ungrateful Villain was I, to accuse so good a Master: Well, I could find in my Heart to Hang myself for pure spite.  (Aside. 
But come, a murrain on it, we'll let that alone till another time; and now, dear Nobs, let me hug thee, 'fack I can crack a Pint now with some comfort (They Embrace) with thee, and 'fack we will have it too. Come, Mr. Keeper, give Orders for an hearty Bottle; come, a Fart of Hanging now, I have got a Pardon, a Pardon, Boy (He leaps about.  Goal. 
Mr. Nobs, if you have brought Signior Intriguo's Pardon, you would do him a kindness to produce it: for my Warrant runs for Executon, this Morning at Ten of the Clock, and you see by my Watch the time is near expired.  Int. 
Ay, ay, come produceit; these Keepers are so Sawey, when they have a Man in their Power. Sir, The Duke may remember your Malapartness.  Goal. 
Sir, I must remember my Business, and if I mistake not, your Worship will be part of it to day.  (Aside. N. 
Hark you Siegniour, you cannot imagine what He takes Intriguo aside. a difficulty the Duke met with, before he could obtain it; for you must understand the Sanhedrim Petitioned and made a terrible Pother to have you Executed off hand; nay, the very Rabble were gathering and threatened to pull you out themselves; so that upon mature deliberation, it was thought sit, and concluded, bewteen the King and Duke, mark you me, that you should for Mere Formality, and to assuage the growing Fury of the People, that you should, I say, be drawn to the place of Execution, and then Sir 'gad, I can but laugh at the Jest, mark you me, just as they expect to see you Dangle, whip, rush me, ay, or some Body else in, no matter who, with the Reprieve, though at the same time, we must be forced to make a formal Excuse, that you are to be Examined, or so, again, in Council, before you Die; and so Sir, as I told you, under that Delusion, egad, we whisk you away, and so give them the Slip for ever.  Int. 
Oh! ye Devil, lost! lost! ruined, [He starts and stamps] and undone for ever! Drawn to the place of Execution, quoth he, ay, and Hanged at the place of Execution; What a Devil should I do there else?  1. Jeb. 
Why, this Nobs, Brother, is the Miracle of his time; what a Feteh was there, and how he prepared him for it? Egad, as he says, if he once come to the place of Execution, I know what will follow.  [Aside. 2. Jeb. 
No Reprieve, I'll secure him, and it will be too late to tell Tales then.  [Aside. Int. 
But prithee, dear Nobs, art thou in earnest; thou hast curdled my Blood strangely, that was boiling just before with Joy: burr prithee, that's the way to be torn to pieces by the Rabble, if I should escape Hanging.  N. 
Udslife, Siegniour Intriguo, you are the strangest incredulous man; Udssish, if the Duke know this, let me be hanged, 'twould be of ill consequence; pray let us have no more of that Siegniour.  Enter Keeper. K. 
Sir, The Praefect, according to Warrant, demands the Delivery of your Prisoners for Execution.  Goal. 
Siegniour Intriguo, I must obey.  Int. 
I submit.  
Well Nobs, I hope thou wilt remember thy old Friend.  N. 
Fear nothing, I shall, within these two hours, see thee assuredly safe and well.  [Exit Nobs. Jeb. 
As Halter and Coffin can make him.  [Aside. Goal. 
Sir, The Praefect waits.  Int. 
Lead on, and show me my mysterious Fate,  
To Life or Death, I'm fixed for either state:  
My Fears are boundless, but my Hope's a span,  
Yet if I Fall, There's no Belief in Man.  
Finis Actus tertij.    


ACT. IV. Scene I.  
Corinna's Bedchamber.  Enter King, Corinna, Leonora, undressed, and in Loose Night-Gowns, Remarquo, slips behind the Hangings. 
LEt's bar these Doors, my Dear Corinna, close;  
Lest some dark prying Statesman here discover us,  
And with his Lamentable Noise of Plots,  
Disturb and Interrupt our Secret Pleasures.  
Come Leonora, fill my other Arm,  
And share the other half of thy Loved Monarch.  
Here now's my Paradise, my Heaven of Joy,  
All that a Monarch can desire or wish for:  
Let the Grave Politician shake his Head,  
And blame the well-fixed Choice of my Diversion.  
It were a Crime to think that Providence,  
Who wisely fixed us in this lofty Station,  
To be the Ease and Profit of our People,  
Should at the same time with Severity  
Restrain with niggard Hand, the free Enjoyment.  
Of all those Pleasures, which our meanest Subjects  
Do daily Revel in.  Cor. 
No, no, my Dear:  
Let us no longer vainly stand Disputing  
What our so well Inspired Souls declare  
Is necessary, just and requisite:  
Come, to thy Rosy Lips, this Rosy Wine  
Shall add another fresh Vermilion Tincture:  
See how its Sparkling Spirits Fly to meet thee,  
And Dance and Sing to thy approaching Lips;  
Come to thy Health, my Royal Love and Master,  
And may'st thou ever like this Generous Wine,  
Abound with lofty Spirit, Warmth, and Vigour,  
Come Leonora to the King, Fill up.  Rem, 
So, so, the Scene begins well, now for a good Limner, we shall have delicate Figures for his Fancy to operate on presently: Well, if the Women hold 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 they begin, they'll certainly shame the Men out of the Beastly Sin of Drinking.  [Aside. Leon. 
Come, To my Royal Lord, Long Health and Ease;  
Uninterrupted Joys, and Endless Pleasures  
The Power, but not the Toil of Mighty Business▪  
Let him Live long. Hungaria's happy King;  
Enjoying still an Everlasting Spring.  K. 
Dear Leonora, and my Soul Corinna,  
It quells my growing Joys, and damps my Pleasures,  
To think how small a Span of Power I have,  
To Grasp and to Reward, your boundless Merits.  
How like a real Monarch should I stand,  
If once my struggling Will were disintangled  
From the Cursed Bonds of Haughty Sanhedrims?  
How should my Bounty with my Will keep pace,  
And Crown my peerless Nymphs extremest Wishes?  
Well, I may Live to see the time.  (Knocking without. Rem. 
Yes, poor deluded Monarch! thou may'st Live  
To see the time, when with a Fatal Sorrow  
Thou'lt wish, and wish (when 'tis alas too late!)  
'Twere in thy Power to mend, or to recall  
Those Fatal Errors which thy easy Nature  
(By these pernicious Arts enticed) consents to:  
When with Insulting Pride thy crafty Foes  
Shall Laugh, and Triumph o'er thy conquered Reason:  
When by these very Arts, by which thou think'st,  
Poor cheated Prince, to Buoy thy Pleasures up,  
Thy Pleasures, Ease, and Life, shall be endangered:  
When those who truly pitying now thy Grief,  
Would Face Ten Thousand Deaths for thy Relief,  
Will coldly then upbraid thy Unbelief.  [Aside. K. 
What saucy Slave is this, that boldly durst  
Intrude upon my Privacy and Pleasures.  Knocking again. 
Now by the Life of Mahomet, the Man  
Designs to affront me with his Impudence.  
Prithee, Corinna, know his Name;  K. and Leonora retire to the inner part of the Scenes, out of sight. 
While I and Leonora here retire.  Knocking again. 
Corinna Goes to the Door.  Cor. 
Who's there? And speak by whose Authority  
You thus presume to Alarm my Apartment.  D. 
Verily Madam, I am Damasippus, and must Speak to the K. immediately; I have Important Business to deliver to him.  Cor. 
Prince Damasippus always should be welcome  
To great Androgynes and me  [She half opens the Door, and stands in the Passage. Da. 
I desire always to be welcome to the King; Pray Madam let me be happy in his sight.  Cor. 
My Lord the King's retired, and is asleep,  
And gave strict Orders not to be disturbed.  
'Slife, This Prince carries a great Stroke with Androgynes, and if he should take him away with him, we should miss of our Business: He must not see him.  [Aside. 
Your Highness must needs rest satisfied till Morning,  
For His Majesty must not be disturbed.  Da. 
Alas Madam! It will be a Disturbance to Himself  
And the whole Kingdom, if I don't see him:  
By your leave Madam.  [He pushes to come in. Cor. 
You'll not use Violence, my Lord.  Da. 
I hope you don't fear Ravishing, my Lady.  [The King comes from within the Scenes. K. 
What Noise is that?  
What bold Intruder is this?  Da. 
I humbly conceive, the rarity of such an Action will be a sufficient Apology to your Majesty, for your Faithful Subject and Kinsman, Damasippus  [He Kneels. K. 
Alack, alack, Good Cousin:  
What makes you here at this time of Night? What, I'll warrant you thought you were at the Siege of Rhodes now; well, you are a Fierce Assailant, but I think you mistook the Citadel.  Da. 
Dread Sir!  
nought less thau Duty, Love, Allegiance, Honour,  
Prompted me thus to intrude upon your Secrets:  
'Tis Whispered, nay, 'tis talked in threatning Murmurs,  
That some, whom my Opinion can't call Friends,  
Advise, and have prevailed by crafty Reasons  
To have the Sanhedrim to Morrow broken;  
Sir, Let me beg by all the Sacred Ties  
Of Kindred, Friendship, Honour, Gratitude,  
Which long have held me Captive to your Will,  
And which, till now, I never strove t' oppose;  
To think what dreadful Consequences may  
Flow from so unaccountable Abrupt an Action:  
The Nation's Blood is in a boiling Ferment,  
Raised and Alarmed by all these late Discoveries:  
Their Love and Wishes to your Health and Life,  
Which by this Plot seemed to be chiefly aimed at,  
Did first Foment, and stir their Active Spirits,  
To stand prepared and ready to defend you:  
The Sanhedrim, their Representatives,  
Out of a Filial Duty to your Person,  
And in pursuance of the People's Wishes,  
Desire to search the Danger of that Wound,  
Which like a Gangreen would o'er spread the Nation;  
Already they have Probed, and found the Venom  
Has reached and tainted even the very Vitals,  
And by a secret Passage to ascend,  
And Dart its Poison upwards to the Head:  
And now like an unruly Patient you  
(Forgive me if I once too plainly speak)  (Kneeling. 
When even the Root and Cause of your Distemper,  
Are by your wise Physicians Skill explored;  
Refuse t' Accept, or cast away in Anger  
Their necessary wholesome Applications:  
But then, Dread Sir! consider how the Body,  
(For every Member covets its own Safety)  
When thus it finds the Head supinely careless,  
Or which is worse (which hardly can be thought)  
Resolved, and bent upon its own Destruction;  
Consider then how Nature, common Safety,  
(Which sure right Reason should dictate to all)  
Will urge them to make speedy Applications,  
First by Entreaty, and when that does fail,  
By Power to seek their common Preservation.  
This, Sir, I speak, as what I fear will be;  
Though Heaven, the Searcher of all Hearts can witness,  
My Prayers and hearty Wishes are, It may not.  K. 
Well, good Cousin, thou art a rare maker of Speeches, wilt make One for me to Morrow.  Da. 
My Blood to serve you should as freely go, as now my Words.  K. 
Nay, nay, But prithee Cousin, thou art turned a mere Stoic all of a sudden: Come you have been dozing like an Old Pedagogue, over some Obsolete Author, to find out some Abstruse Question to puzzle his Scholars; Come Damasippus, here's that will bring theeto thyself again: Come to Love and Beauty, and Hang Business.  (He Drinks. Cor. 
So, so, That will set him a Float presently, he'll be nothing but Tropes and Figures in a Moment; you'll see him make a mere Fool of this Old Politician.  (Aside. K. 
Come Cousin, take your Glass; with the Health;  D. 
To every Thing in Season.  K. 
Ay right; Come Corinna, give me the Glass;  
This Cousin of mine will improve upon our Hands,  
He gins to speak to the purpose.  (He drinks. Rem. 
Pray Heavens His Majesty may do something to right purpose.  Da. 
Well, I find I shall do no more good upon him to Night; He's taking Opium on purpose to forget himself, and the Kingdom: I will wake him again however in the Morning. I humbly Beg your Majesty to consider of my Petition.  (Aside. Cor. 
We'll now be free from these State Basilisks,  
That with their poisonous Looks destroy our Pleasures.  
Come, now Androgynes, let's sit and Revel,  
And Toy the tedious Minutes out in Sports and Kisses:  
Now thou'rt in wanton Cupid's Fragrant Palace,  
Where nought but Ease and Gay Delights Inhabit:  
No Interrupting Thoughts of Business here,  
Must now intrude; all Care from hence is Banished:  
As on the Surface of a clear calm Sea,  
We'll Lie, and Bask, and Love our Lives away.  Leo. 
No, rather let us Love and Live for ever.  Rem. 
That came from her Heart o'my Conscience; her way of Living would give a Body but very little Encouragent to Die.  [Aside. K. 
Come then Corinna, let us now retire,  
And practice o'er thy well instructed Lesson:  
Come, let me Launch into thy Sea of Love,  
And gaze and wonder at thy mighty Treasure:  
Oh! now my Soul's a Thirst, and I must Drink:  
Come my Blessed Angel, let us now retire;  
Love, like a greedy Cormorant, can't wait  [He Embraces her and pushes her forward. 
The long Formality of Grace before it.  
Come, come my Dear.  Cor. 
What means my Liege?  
These Actions seem to bear a Mystery.  Rem. 
What a Devil have we to do now? Mean, quoth a, What should he mean, but to go and repeat your old Lesson of W—ing? I'll be Hanged but this seeming backwardness carries some Plaguy design, or other with it.  K. 
What shouldst thou think Androgynes can mean?  
Do not these eager Grasps, my trembling Knees;  
These dying Languets, thick Imprinted Kisses,  
Too well declare the Longings of my Soul.  
And can Corinna then ask what I mean?  
Come, come, retire Corinna, Love himself  
No Niggard is: And why shouldst thou, his Steward,  
Refuse, or Tardy be to share his Bounty?  Cor. 
But if as Steward, I profusely wast  
The present Stock I am entrusted with;  
Or indiscreetly lend at each Request,  
Before the former Debts and Obligations  
Shall be defrayed, and void; I well may fear  
A little time, alas! will make me Bankrupt.  Rem. 
So, so, I see the Mine is ready to Spring; I thought there was some new Business in the Wind; now we shall hear the Conscience of her Request; I'll warrant little less than half the next Subsidy: Oh! these Misses are chargeable Petts, a Body may keep a stud of Mares, and three Packs of Hounds, cheaper than one Wh—  (Aside. K. 
Thou speak'st to me in dark mysterious Riddles:  
Oh! do not thus Foment my Raging Fire:  
Say, dear Corinna, what thou dost require;  
Speak quickly; Oh! my Soul, I can't deny;  
Though thy request extend to half my Kingdom.  (He Kisses and hugs her. Rem. 
Nay, It must be the remaining Half then; for she has had the value of one half from him already: Now a Body would think that a Prince that had seen himself so long kept out of his Kingdoms, should not be so free of disposing of them at every turn, to a paltry, painted Strumpet.  Cor. 
My Royal Lord, Your Bounty always did  
With so much ease extend itself to me,  
That 'twas with some Reluctancy, that now  
I ventured to exact some small Addition:  
But since Your Majesty has pleased so freely  
To promise the fulfilling my Request;  
Once more I beg, that from your Royal Mouth  
You will confirm your Royal Grant.  K. 
Speak on; and by our Holy Prophet I do swear, To th' half my Kingdom it shall be fulfilled.  Rem. 
Udslife, I am in a plaguy taking; Heaven knows what will be the Event of this: this looks like a laid Business.  (Aside. Cor. 
Long Life and Health to Great Androgynes,  
Eternal Ease, and never-failing Pleasure.  
Here on our bended Knees we humbly Beg,  (Cor. Leon. Kneels. 
To Morrow may the utmost Period set  
To the Meeting of this Haughty Sanhedrim.  
This is our Boon, and from our Royal Lord,  
We humbly Beg performace of his Word.  Rem. 
Oh Racks, Plagues, Fire, Hell and Tortures! If he grants this, the Kingdom's ruined. Oh Androgynes! Androgynes! Consider what they ask, and what thou art to give! Consider that thy own, as well as the Kingdom's safety, are at Stake; and none but thy Enemy's can require it: This is the Duke all over; there's his very Picture in the whole Transaction; no wonder they did not ask for more Money; no doubt, they'll have their Wages from him, and be well paid, if they obtain.  K. 
Dissolve the Sanhedrim! I know not what to think on't.  
'Tis true, I wish that they were fairly gone,  (The K. Muses. 
But want a clear pretence to send 'em packing:  
There are some Tricks indeed in this same Plot,  
Which foully seem to point at Treachery:  
But yet my own part in it is so great,  
As won't admit of any narrow searching;  
I cannot willingly suspect a Brother  
Of ill Designs against my Crown and Life;  
Since by th' Accomplishment he could but make  
A small Addition to his present Glory:  
And yet the Evidence seems positive,  
Evincing both Consent and Instigation.  
'Tis strange.  [He pauses] 
But then alas! Androgynes  
Thy Life must be embroiled in Care and Business;  
In such an endless Maze of Toil and Sorrow  
Thou'lt be entangled; as will quite destroy  
Thy fixed Rules of Love, and Ease, and Pleasure,  
And all thy hopes of future Rest and Quiet.  
O ye Almighty Powers! Why would you Flatter  
Poor Monarchs with the hopes of Power and Glory?  
Why do we vainly Boast of Will and Pleasure,  
And grasp at absolute Authority?  
When each pretending Slave shall dare to stand,  
And by a specious Plea of Property;  
Of Law, Religion, and such other Trifles,  
Shall' thwart and cross as oft as we Command:  
Nay, many times refuse our final Orders:  
Why should the Ambitious Toil, and thus contend,  
For the poor Glory's of an Anxious Crown?  
In which the chiefest Gems are Cares and Sorrows;  
Why should we strive, and covet to Ascend,  
As on a lofty Pinnacle to Stand,  
Sole Spectators of the glorious World?  
While the more happy Mortals do below  
Enjoy and Revel in its various Pleasures.  [He Muse's Rem. 
So, so, if he takes but care to look before  
He Leaps, he may perhaps have the Grace to avoid the danger: The  
Ladies begin to Scratch; They never like a considering Man.  [Aside. Cor. 
Udslife Leonora, we must not give him leave to think, we  
Must ply him fast; if we fail of this, we are undone!  
From this hard contest in your Royal Breast.  
My fears Suggest Corinna is denied.  And. 
Pleasures, Androgynes, of Love and Wine,  
Which thy harsh envious interrupting Fate,  
Denys, or Robs thee of, but—  (Aside. Leo. 
Perhaps great Sir our presence may offend;  
We will remove the cause.  (They are going. Rem. 
Heaven's send she proves as good as her Word.  
'Twill be the first good thing they ever did in their Lives.  Andr. 
Stay Corinna, stay Leonora, come you must pardon this abrupt way of dealing with you, an ugly Crabbed thought or two came into my head, and put me on musing, but it is over; but I have resolved.  Rem. 
To send them out of his sight for ever, I hope.  (Aside. Cor. 
To grant I hope your Handmaids poor request.  And. 
To send and to dissolve the Sanhedrim.  Both. 
Long Live and Reign the great Androgynes.  Cor. 
Who waits there, Dione.  Enter Maid. 
Run dear Dione with a Lovers Speed,  Corinna runs immediately to the Door. 
And tell your Master great Caligula,  
The Sanhedrim's no more.  [Exit Maid. Rem. 
Good Heavens! what will this come to? this must breed bad Blood in the Kingdom, we shall be altogether by the Ears in a Moment▪ Our goodly Duke longs for nothing more, and when matters are in Confusion, he thinks to pass Unobserved. Well, come when it will, every Man must take his Fortune.  
Each Man may stand upon his own Defence,  
But few will now be safe in Innocence.  And. 
'Tis time Corinna, now, that we withdraw,  
And pay our mighty debts of mutual Love:  
Henceforth all Care and Business from my Breast;  
All sense of fear and danger too I'll Banish:  
Wrapped up in Pleasures, I'll supinely wait,  
The certain Stroke of my appointed Fate.  (Exeunt Omnes.   


ACT IV. Scene II.  
The Palace at St. Jaques.  Enter Le'Talbo, with three Teagueland Evidences. Le Tal. 
YOu know honest Country Men it stands us upon: If the Duke fail, all our hopes are quashed for ever.  First, 
Ay, by my Shoul dear Colonel, but the Devil take me if he do fail.  Second, 
No be Christ and shaint Patrick, but I would Swear the Moon and the Sheven Stars down first.  Tal. 
You know how the business is, and what to swear.  Third, 
Hubboo! Hubboo! What to Swear? Ay by my Fait do I Dear Joy; I vill Swear, I vill Swear; Ay by my Shoul it be no matter what I do Swear, as long as the Shudge will be wid me, and take my part.  Rem. 
This is a pack of rare Villains of the right Stamp and Breed; a Generation that suck in Villainy with their Milk, whose Native Language is a compound of Oaths, and Lying their only Inheritance; who have Courage enough only to render 'em Ruffians, and who have no other Sense or Honour than Impudence. Now there are good Caligula's Creatures and Favourites, the Darlings of His heart, and his only true Friends, that are prepared to comfort and discountenance the Plot, and to Hector People out of their Belief, or their Lives: But let's hear their Lesson.  (Aside. Tal. 
You must take your Corporal Oaths, That this Pertinax was with you in Company in Hungary, the very time that he declared he was over Sea.  First, 
Ay, the Devil take me, but he was, I vill take my Oath, by any Corporal in Teagueland, if my Colonel says so.  Rem. 
An obedient Rogue to his Officer this: and yet such is the Iniquity of the preseut times, that the Duke does not doubt to get a Judge to persuade, and a Jury to believe such an Evidence.  Tal. 
I have several other points to instruct you in; but you must take time to practise this first.  Third, 
By my Shalvashon dear Joy, I must have some great ting to swear against does Pertinax: ara But who be does Rogue dear Joy?  Second, 
Oh Hone! Oh Hone! a Rogue that do make a great Swear against our Holy Shurch.  Tall. 
In the mean time here is some Money for you, and if you do your business well, the Duke will make you all Officers, you shall all have Commissions.  Omnes. 
Bianca Chreesht dear Joy, Saint Patrick's Blessing be upon thy sweet Faash.  (Exeunt three Evidences. Tall. 
Things run so smoothly, and with such Success,  
Each project of our busy Brain is Crowned;  
That it does half persuade me to believe,  
That Providence has now espoused our Cause:  
What mayn't be hoped from my most glorious Master,  
Who with such ease, and in so short a time,  
Has Mastered such Strong-headed difficulties?  
Has reconciled so many Contradictions;  
That now 'tis next to Blasphemy to question  
The power of doing, if he but undertake it!  
With what dexterity did he Engage  
The Lady's to address, and to procure  
The dissolution of the Sanhedrim?  
A thing the Court thought no way Feasible;  
And though some busy Factious heads are left,  
Who yet pretend to rake the covered Embers;  
Yet he is neither Ignorant, or unmindful,  
And waits a fit Occasion to requite them:  
He has laid his Snare, and has his game in View,  
And something more than humane skill must save them:  
Bold Aristander, Poliarchus, Timon,  
Will quickly Mourn their hasty Christian Zeal;  
And th' anger of a just enraged Prince:  
Their busy Scruting, and bold Abhorrence  
Of what they call our Plot, Conspiracy, etc.  
Shall be returned with such Dexterity,  
In their own Words, upon their very selves,  
As shall complete, and by their own Assistance,  
All that our Wishes can suggest unto us.  
Thus when the several Branches are cut down,  
Under whose Shade the unthinking Crowd does Shelter;  
Then to the Root we will our Axes lay,  
Religion, Liberty, and Lives shall down,  
Unless they'll Truckle to the Triple Crown.    


ACT V. Scene I.  
The Long Gallery at Alba Regalis.  Enter Remarquo stamping, and tearing his Hair. Rem. 
OH Treason! Treason! Villains, Rogues; Whether shall an Honest Man fly to secure himself? Hell never could match these cursed Pagans, these bloody Jebusites, and more bloody Caligula!  Enter Nobbs at the other Door. N. 
Why how now Remarquo; Thou art not afraid of me sure?  (Remarquo sees him, and flies on one side to avoid him. Rem. 
Yes marry, and good reason. Stand off, Sir: I shall be brought in for the new Plot here, presently. Come Sir, come, I'll have no Papers conveyed into my Pocket; [He covers his Pockets close. No, not so much as the Old Observator. Look, look, the Villain has 'em ready in his Hand: If the Rascal should Forswear himself now, and say he had them from me.  N. 
Pish, prithee Man, never Fear; Thou dost not look like a Plotter: Come, come, I'll Protect Thee; and egad, if thou art not satisfied, I'll Publish it in my Weekly Paper; and then see who'll be so bold as to contradict it: But the Truth on't is, there is a horrible Plot found out, carried on by the whigs, to destroy far and near all that ever they could lay their hands to: Oh! they are terrible Fellows I'll warrant ye; the Pagan Plot was one of theirs, it was as like 'em as ever they could stare.  Rem. 
Good lack, Sir, I thought you had taken a great deal of pains to prove there was none: Your Memory fails you; or may be that which was but an Embryo then, is by this time grown to perfection.  N. 
Why this it is now to have a Man's Sense thrown away, upon Ignorance and Heedlessness. I proved, Sir, 'Gad, and no body can gainsay it, That there was no Pagan Plotter; and now, Sir, I'll prove, that this and that are all one.  Rem. 
O' my Conscience the Monkey has unluckily hit on the right of it; the same Heads made both. (Aside. But pray, Sir, what sort of Persons are they that have engaged in this new Plot, as you call it?  N. 
Why, between you and I, Sir, every one that had the impudence to prosecute the old One: And 'Gad, Sir, let me tell ye, it is but reasonable; for the King and Duke have declared it shall be so.  Rem. 
And indeed I believe that's all the evidence they have to prove it. But pray, Sir, what Persons are taken up about it?  (Aside. N. 
Oh! a great many, you may be sure; but the chief are Count Aristander, who is clapped in the Great Tower, together with the Lord Poliarchus, and Timon, 'Gad, whom I am very sorry for; he is a Brother of the Quill, and, 'Gad, some sharp things were found by him, foe that he was committed among the rest.  Rem. 
Against whom did he write, pray Sir? Did he name any one?  N. 
No, no; but the truth on't is, he wrote very scurrilously, that I must needs say, and upon a false Topick.  Rem. 
Yes, I heard he had the confidence to write, that Kings were made of the same Flesh and Blood as other People; that they were subject to the same Infirmities as other Men; that Lusts, Passions, and Vices, were sometimes predominant in them, as in others; and consequently when any of them were so given over to all sorts of Licentiousness and bloody Tyranny, as to neglect the great End for which they were set over their People; and instead of protecting them in their Laws, Liberties, Religion, and Lives, they would endeavour wholly to subvert and destroy them; that then it was lawful for such a People to take such proper means as might restrain; and if that would not do, to resist, and obtain that by force, which he would not in Justice grant: And all this as his private general Opinion of the Case, without the least Reflection on the King or his Government.  N. 
Ay but, Sir, if the King thought it was, 'tis sufficient for his Imprisonment and Condemnation.  Rem. 
Nay, he was not so wise as the Fox in the Fable, who meeting a Beast with a bunch in his Forehead, going to the Lion's Court, told him the King's Proclamation to forbid the access of all horned Beasts. But the Beast pleading his Bunch was no wise a Horn, the Fox warily cautioned him with your Question, What if the King should call it so? But all this while, Mr. Nobbs, this is Arbitrary and Tyrannical.  N. 
Udslife, how came this Hobby-horse with such a weighty Objection? 'Gad I must pump hard to confute it in my next Observator; and 'Gad I'll do it, I'll warrant me.  (Aside. Remarquo, 
This is dangerous Discourse, let me tell you; but it shall go no farther, because you are my Friend: But 'Gad I could give you such an Answer to't, as should make you stare.  Rem. 
I am willing to be instructed.  N. 
Ay but, Sir, I shall take my own opportunity, and so farewell.  [Ex. Nobs. Rem. 
He still keeps to his old way of Answering, like a Dog when he lights of a very hard Bone, he smells to it, and lets it lie.  
Ah, poor Hungaria! How endless are thy Sorrows!  
To what yet cruel Fate art thou reserved?  
By what unheard-of strange Abominations  
Hast thou provoked these heavy Plagues and Judgements?  
Thou hast seen the Bulwark of thy Lawsthrown down,  
Thy Rights and lawful Liberties invaded:  
Thou hast seen thy faithful, pious, generous Sons  
Exposed to the rage of barbarous Assassins';  
Others by cruel wily Arts betrayed,  
And Victims made to a mock-seeming Justice.  
Thou hast seen thy King and Father careless stand  (Like Nero harping o'er the Fire of Rome) 
Smiling and revelling in wanton Lusts,  
Whilst his insatiate cruel-minded Brother,  
Like the same Nero, blandisheth his Sword,  
Wishing, with him, that at one fatal blow  
He might complete his faithful People's ruin.  
Wake, drowsy Monarch from thy Lethargy,  
And shun the threatning Dangers that surround thee.  
In vain we cry, in vain we do complain.  
Unwilling and unable he to hear us.  
Drenched in a Sea of Lust and Sloth he lies,  
Unable to recover till he dies.    


ACT V. Scene II.  
The Royal Nurse.  Enter three Citizens and Remarquo. 1. Cit 
AY, Neighbour, that's true; but however I care not how many Plots there are, so there be no Taxes.  2. Cit 
True; what care I if the Sanhedrim don't sit these seven years. A murrain on 'em, they never come together but it costs me as much Money as would maintain my Family a Month: Beside, 'twould be ill manners to pretend to love 'em, when the King so solemnly hates 'em.  3. Cit 
Why, to be plain, Neighbour, I could be content to live without Taxes as well as any of you; but I fear we shall pay for it one day; as they say, the King is not made of Money, nor is he so very thrifty of that little he has, but that he must want in a little time; and then 'tis more than probable we must play over the second part of the Tune called Royal Aid, or Ship-Money, or something worse. Come, come, Neighbour, the Sanhedrim have been very bountiful already, and there has been but very odd Accounts of the laying it out; and now they are willing to keep their Hands in their Pocket, till they know what use their Money's to be put to.  Rem. 
A good honest sort of a plain Fellow this, and not altogether insensible.  [Aside. 1. Cit 
But, Neighbour, were Sanhedrims ordained for nothing but to find out ways to give the King Money?  3. Cit 
Not for these twenty years last passed, I think they have been of little use else.  Rem. 
He is in the right on't; for the King and his Brother being very wise good Men themselves, did not need their Advice in any thing else.  2. Cit. 
But what news have we got to day, Neighbour? What says that bawling Nobs, in his plauguy Observator?  Enter Countryman. 3. Cit 
Why, he says there is a most horrible New Plot; and that there's above half the Kingdom concerned in it.  Rem. 
Ay, and the better half every way; for there's hardly an honest Man in the Kingdom but will be brought into it.  [Aside. 3. Cit 
Look, look! is not that Mr. Trueman of our Country, Neighbour? 'Tis he, I believe, just come to Town too; I'll speak to him. Sir, I am glad too see you; How long have you been come?  Count. 
I am just alighted, thank ye, good Countryman. Well, how fares it with you? What good News stirring?  3. Cit 
Why, truly nothing at present, but the old News of the New Plot.  Count. 
Is that all? I am glad of it indeed. I was in Company yesterday-morning near forty Miles off, where it was confidently asserted, That Count Aristander had killed himself in the Tower.  Rem. 
Ha, ha! killed himself, quoth he, I wish I had a good Lease of his Life till that time.  2. Cit 
How! killed himself! Pray, Sir, we had not a word of it here.  Count. 
Why only cut his own Throat, or so; Sir, that's all.  Enter fourth Citizen. 1. Cit 
Neighbour Gripewel! Neighbour, come hither, I'll tell you some News. Ha, ha, cut his Throat, quoth he!  4. Cit 
What news?  1. Cit 
Why, this Geatleman heard in the Country yesterday, that Count Aristander, that wise, temperate, pious Nobleman, had killed himself; cut his own Throat, Mun; ha, ha, ha.  4. Cit 
Yesterday? you mistake, Sir, it was to day.  Count. 
No, no, Sir, it was yesterday, and forty Miles off this place, so it was.  4. Cit 
Why, I tell you it was impossible; it was this very day, and within these two hours.  Rem. 
What, Sir, you heard it within these two hours?  4. Cit 
No, Sir, it was actually done within these two hours; Aristander cut his own Throat, Sir, within these two hours in the Tower, Sir; I came but just from thence.  Omnes. 
Heavens bless us! Is it true then?  4. Cit 
He did it with a Razor, and with a good will too, for he has almost cut his Head off; and after he had done it, he steps to the Window, and throws out the Razor, that he might not be found Felo de se.  Rem. 
Oh! my misgiving Soul, how true a Prophet hast thou proved!  4. Cit 
I can tell you father, that the good Lord Poliarchus is upon his Trial found Guilty of High Treason.  Rem. 
Oh, good Heavens! Murder! Murder! plain designed  
Murder! Oh, unmatched Villainy! Oh, unspeakable cruelty!  [Aside. 
Whether shall Innocence or Virtue fly?  
Where can they hope to find a safe Protection?  
Where can the Needy and the Poor retire  
From the vowed rage of prosecuting Foes,  
If thus the Great, the Noble, Pious, Good,  
Fall, equally obnoxious to their Malice?  
What Place? what Guard can be secure or safe,  
If thus the Palace, Castle of the King,  
Where sure inviolate as in his presence  
All should remain, till thence by Law delivered)  
Is made the Den, the Trap, the Snare for Murder?  
Oh! ye Eternal, Just, Revenging, Powers!  
If the loud Sins of this unhappy Nation,  
Have thus brought down your Plagues and Judgements on us,  
In Mercy now desist from farther ruin.  
See how the heaps of slaughtered Bodies lie,  
The Monuments of your Almighty Justice!  
Oh! now forgive and stay the slaughrering Angel,  
That that thus with undistinguished rage pursues us.  
Our fainting Spirits now at last restore;  
In pity let Hungaria bleed no more.  [Ex. Remarquo.   


ACT V. Scene III.  
The Vestry belonging to the Jebusites Chapel at St. Jaques.  The Scene opens, and discovers Caligula; his Confession. Two Jebusites and Le Talbo at Counsel; about the place hang Pistols, Daggers, Guns, Bowstrings, Halters, and all other Instruments of Death. Cal. 
WEll, Holy Father, what does yet remain,  
Which I with glad concurrence will not grant,  
To render meour Mother's worthy Son?  
Tell me, my wise Instructors; have not I  
Shown and drawn out in lively Characters,  
A just assurance of your future Joys?  
I think if Loyala himself were here,  
And with impartial Judgement consider,  
How strict I have been a Follower of his steps:  
How to the life I've copied his Original:  
How well digested and improved his Precepts,  
I think, grave Fathers, he nor you could blush  
To own and praise the merit of my Deeds.  Cor. 
Great Sir, believe it quite impossible  
To find that Villain, that could dare deny  
Th' Mighty Wonders of your glorious Life.  
Truth, like the bright Meridian Sun, shines out,  
And to the gazing wondering World, discovers  
More Valour, Wisdom, in your single self,  
Than half Mankind together else can claim:  
In mighty Acts of War invincible,  
In Peace superlatively Wise and Prudent.  
But above all, great Sir, your holy Zeal,  (Like the bright Moon amidst the twinkling Stars) 
Has, with such vast effectual Influence,  
Scattered its golden Rays among your People,  
That after-Ages will be at a stand  
Where they shall fix your highest Attribute;  
And doubt which most they should extol and praise,  
Your Courage, Wisdom, or your Piety.  Cal. 
'Tis true, I sucked in with my Infant-Milk,  
Which only with my Blood can be allayed;  
A flaming Zeal to holy Mother-Church.  
And though all Art and Industry be tried,  
Whereby to right and raise our sinking Cause;  
Yet while my Brother, whose soft timorous Nature  
Delays and clips the Wings of all our Hopes,  
While he dams up and clogs the easy passage,  
To the wide Field of Power and Liberty,  
I fear we toil in vain.  Jeb. 
Our Holy Cannons,  
Great Sir, declare it lawful and deserving,  
To lay aside all Obstacles that seem  
A Damage or Dishonour to our Church;  
And we can hardly doubt Androgynes,  
If he be truly Pagan, as he owns,  
Will grudge or scruple once to step aside,  
Till by the means of his more active Brother,  
Our dropping Cause revive.  2. Jeb. 
'Tis not our Care  
To search his Will, which great Caligula,  
Convinced by our Advice and solid Reasons,  
Declares his Pleasure in this weighty Case:  
Our Duty bids us bow, and straight obey him.  Cal. 
Our Holy Prophet knows, most Reverend Fathers, 'tis not Ambition prompts my eager Soul, thus to ascend the Throne my Brother fills; Nor can it Interest be, since all the Kingdom, my Treasures mount almost to Infinite; nor can the other Darling of ones Soul, Revenge, allure me to commit this Deed.  Rem. 
Why, when he speaks thus, he certainly pretends to banter us. Udslife, sure he would not mock us: Not Ambition, quoth he! No, not Ambition by any means; though he could dispense with, and intreigue and endeavour to supplant his Brother, before he enjoyed his Crown: But that's all one; he does but blandish our own Weapons; and we'll give him leave to talk, so we get but our Ends of him. And then again, 'Tis not Interest: Ha, ha, ha; I'll vow he makes me laugh: No, not Interest? though by Traffic and Merchandising, by the best Places of Profit, and by cheating his Brother, he has scraped up half the Money of the Kingdom, for this very Use and Design: And then for Revenge, since I am never like to be his Enemy, and consequently not liable to it, I'll not trouble myself much with it; though by the buy, I could instance in a Cloud of Witnesses, to bear Testimony of his calm forgiving Nature.  Cal. 
'Tis only, Reverend Sirs, a Pious Zeal  
To propagate, or re-induce, with speed,  
Those Holy Principles, that Glowing Faith,  
Which warmed the the Souls of our Wise Primitive Fathers.  Cor. 
Designs so Pious, aught to be encouraged,  
And prompted with the Hopes of vast Rewards:  
Masses, Indulgences, and Dispensations  
Shall Crown your Work, even to Infinity;  
Our Prayers shall all, Unanimous, be sent  
To our most Holy Prophet, and his Mother,  
For Success here, and joy t'your Soul hereafter.  
But say, Great Sir, When will your Generous Soul,  
Spare a few Minutes for so Great a Work.  Cal. 
To Morrow Night he does design to Revel,  
And Sup with Count d' Arlin, and myself:  
I have agreed le Talbo shall be there.  
And help to Administer, and serve at Table:  
And when his Heart is warm with Love and Wine;  
His Fancy tickled with Delight and Pleasure;  
When with his Praises we have filled his Thoughts,  
And lulled his Reason quite beyond suspicion;  
Then, Holy Fathers, then, the Minute blessed,  
Which by his Loss restores our Joys forever.  
This is the manner, that the appointed time;  
Fly Lazy Minutes, prompt on the Lazy Sun;  
Sick with delay, I faint till it be done.  (Exeunt Omnes.   


ACT V. Scene IU.  
Scene St. Jaques.  Enter King Solus▪ K. 
WHO waits there? Enter Waiter: Where is Erone?  Wa. 
May it please your Majesty, she waits the duchess's coming in the Antichamber: You both can sing Damon's Farewell. Call her, and let me hear it.  [Exit Waiter. E●●●a and the Waiter appear within the Scenes; they Sing to 〈◊〉 Music of Flutes Lutes, and Base-Viols. K. 
Methinks a strange unusual Melancholy,  
Has of a sudden siezed my Flagging Spirits:  
Avert all ill, you Powers!  Enter Caligula, Count D' Arlin, Le Talbo. The King points to them to stand still while the Song is singing. 

SONG.  Phil. 
MUST we part?  
Stay, stay, dear heart;  
Stay but one poor hour or two:  
Sure there's more than that, to Love and Friendship due.  
Da. Though there's Music in thy Tongue,  
And every Word's a well-tuned Song:  
Though thy Tears can more persuade,  
Than Prayers by dying Martyrs made;  
Yet they cannot Fate recall;  
Tears, with Death, cannot prevail.  Phil. 
Shall rude Death then me bereave  
Of my Love's Prerogative?  
Stay, dear heart, Love bids thee stay.  Da. 
But Fate, hard fate, commands away.  Phil. 
How shall I, alas! Survive,  
When for thee alone I live;  
When thy Life and Beauty's dead,  
Love and Grief, Love and Grief,  
Shall quickly strike me Dead.  Corus'. 
Come then, let's leave this World together.  
And mount those blessed Abodes;  
Where we'll be Lords o'er Death and Fate,  
And equal to the Gods.   K. 
'Tis a good Melancholy Humour; Is it not Brother?  Cal. 
Sir, I am no admirer of dull, heavy, Love Songs; I am for the noise of Drums and Trumpets, and Shrieks of Conquer'll Enemy's: I hope to see him make me a little such Music by and by: This Song might serve for an Epitaph; I wonder how the Devil he came to hit on this unluckily Humour! I hope he has no dying thoughts of a sudden, that may spoil our design [Aside] It grows pretty late; I wish your Majesty would honour us with your Company at Supper.  K. 
Ay, come lead on.  
Come all sit down; we must be equal here:  (They retire within the Scenes, which open, and discover a Table spread, etc. They sit down. Cal. 
Le Talbo, thou must wait; the rest retire:  
Some Wine Le Talbo.  [Exeunt Attendants. (They fall on Eating. 
Sir I be bold to Whisper; Long last Corinna's Charms.  K. 
Come with all my heart; I love the little Jade strangely: She has some little Pouting looks, that take me very much.  Cal. 
I have that will take him more: Come fill to D'Arlin.  D' Ar. 
Your Highness is in a very pleasant humour; I Cogratulate it: Has your Highness any extraordinary Occasion for it?  Cal. 
Why verily, D' Arlin, that which revives all Mankind [He Whispers the King] The bravest Bona, Roba, Fresh and Plump, Fine and Gay. Your Majesty will give me leave to part in time, for the Minute draws near.  Le Tal. 
For his Destruction.  K. 
Prithee, Caligula; thou hast put me a gadding too. Le Talbo, get me Chocolate before I part.  Cal. 
Fortune still waits upon me! Why he thrusts himself upon it, without my Advice or Assistance. Well, I may say my Conscience is clear. (Aside.) Come, D' Arlin, thou hast a sweet Tooth left, a ticklish Vain doubtless  [Aside. (Le Talbo gives Chocolate to the King and D'Arlin. K. 
'Tis well made; and a good taste.  D'Ar. turns his Faoe about and makes wry Faces as if he was sick. (They drink. D'Ar. 
Well, I'll straight be ready to go.  [He pulls out Pen and lnk and writes Cal. 
I'll warrant thee ready to Die presently.  (Aside. D'Ar. 
What strange dizzyness is this that o'er whelms my Brain! My Spirits sink and throb about my Heart: Heaven keep us from Treachery: I'll give the King a hint, Heavens preserve him, and I care not.  (He Writes. Le Talbo. 
It works too soon, I fear  (Aside to Cal. Cal. 
Never fear; if he fall now, there's his Old Distemper will bear the worst can be said;  (The King seems to sit uneasy. 
he has been used to an Apoplexy, and this will symbolise with it.  (Aside. D'Arlin (rising.) 
I must take my leave of your Majesty, while I send this Note.  K. 
No, stay till we all go.  (King pulls to make d'Arlin stay; and in the mean time, he slips the Letter into the King's hand, unseen. D. 
Read this, Great Sir! I have just  
Life enough to wish you safe (Aside.) Ex. d'Ar. The King turns to the Window with the Letter, and while he Reads, he Faints back, and falls without speaking.  Le Tal. 
(running) Heavens save ihe King!  Cal. 
Save him! What dost mean? His Life? If thou were't another Brother, thou shouldst pay for that Word, if he should recover; I'll not have so much as one good Wish, during my Reign, which I reckon is well begun. Here, make a noise, and Alarm the Court! We must have the Formality of Mourning. Well, Is not this an easy way of obtaining a Kingdom?  
He, whose aspiring Heart to Empire bears,  
Should banish first all empty Doubts and Fears;  
Never consider, so he can obtain,  
The Care, the Crime, the Danger, but the Gain.  
The End of the Fifth Act.  The Sense closeth, and Exeunt omnes. 
FINIS.     

ADVERTISEMENTS.  
The Bloody Duke: Or, the Adventures for a Crown. A Tragicomedy, as it was Acted at the Court at Alba Regalis, by several Persons of great Quality.  
The Abdicated Prince: Or, the Adventures of Four Years. Tragicomedy, as it was Acted at the Court at Alba Regalis, by several Persons of great Quality. The Second Edition.  
The Late Revolution: Or, the Happy Change. A Tragicomedy, as it was Acted throughout the English Dominions in the Year 1688. Written by a Person of Quality.  
These Three New Plays, contain a full Account of the private Intrigues of the Two last Reigns, and of all the most remarkable Transactions that have happened since. All Three sold by the Booksellers of London and Westminster.