THE LAST CONFLICTS and DEATH OF Mr. THOMAS PEACOCK, bachelor of Divinity, and fellow of Brasen-nose college in Oxford: Published by E.B. from the Copy of that famous Divine, Mr. Robert Bolton, late Minister of Broughton in North-hampton shire. LONDON, Printed by George Miller dwelling in Blackfriars. 1646. THE PREFACE TO the READER. Christian Reader, I Had not performed a trust, had not I published this ensuing Narrative; and I had not paid a debt which I do and shall ever owe to the public, had not I made it common. Mr. Bolton (a man of precious memory, and famous in his generation) desired me upon his deathbed, to publish such of his papers as I thought fit for the press, which I have already done. This copy being found amongst them, (though penned by another hand) I durst not withhold, being to my knowledge intended by him for the press, in memory of his familiar friend, and spiritual father, Mr. Thomas Peacock; who was a very Godly Minister of Christ, and of rare example for humility and holiness of life; for a Religious care in educating his scholars, and for exceeding charity to the bodies and souls of poor distressed Christians. And yet this godly man, that for piety had in him the root of an Oak, when God cast him upon his bed of sickness, and suffered Satan to winnow him, he was no more in his hands then a leaf tossed too and fro with the wind. God's dealings with him in these his last conflicts, are of singular use in these present times, in which the ends of the world, and the dregs of schism and sin are come upon us at once. First, for caution to the true servants of God, to take heed of small sins; for from the lesser sins and infirmities of Mr. Peacock, the Devil did thence take a rise to cast him into the most bitter spiritual desertion that we shall lightly read of: under which he had sunk, had not God wonderfully pat to his hand, by making the issue of his afflictions more glorious and comfortable, than the combat was grievous and terrible. It was a memorable saying of Francis Spira, which he spoke to his mournful children and friends, beholding that sad spectacle of his final despair, earnestly wishing them to take heed of committing the smallest sins against conscience; By this means, saith he, I fell into greater sins, till I came to deny the Gospel of Christ, and after that to renounce it in writing, and deliberately to subscribe to it with my hand, though (saith he) I heard a voice in my conscience telling me, Spira, do not subscribe it; after which I thought I heard the voice of Christ whom I denied before men, to pronounce the sentence of death upon my soul, and to exclude me from salvation. And thus he died. Secondly, for confutation of sundry sorts in Religion, in these unhappy days of civil war, as naturally producing them as mud and filth do toads and vermin. Some there are that quite abrogate the Law, which Christ came to fulfil, and so make the gate of Heaven wider than ever our Saviour made it, by admitting lawless persons into it. Holy Bradford was of another mind, who was wont to say, that the gate of Heaven was so straight, that he which halted could not enter into it; and the way so narrow, that he which reeled could not walk in it. Others there are, when though they do not wholly destroy the law, yet they cast it into a dead sleep, thinking it unlawful in the children of God to be sorry, or to mourn for sin, contrary to the Doctoine of the primitive Fathers, teaching this lesson, Semper doleat paeniten●; & de dolore gaudeat; Let the penitent person always mourn, and rejoice in that mourning; agreeing with the rule of our Saviour, Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted. Nay, I lately heard it not without horror; that some men, in outward appearance of great sanctity, do hold an opinion, that it is a fault in godly men to pray for pardon of sin, (all sins being pardoned in Christ before they pray) contrary to the prayer of our Saviour, Forgive us our trespasses. Neither Mr. Peacock, nor any of those godly Divines that came to comfort him, knew this kind of Doctrine; neither we, nor the Churches of God, till within these few late unhappy days. What will become of our reformed Religion, streaming down to us in the blood of so many Martyrs, if God by a miracle of mercy should not shorten these our miserable days? For whiles some are taking from us the Ten commandments, others, the Lord's Prayer, there is scarce any thing left us of Christianity but our Creed, and how long we shall enjoy this, the Lord in Heaven knows. For so long as the civil sword of war devours so much Protestants blood from without, and a worse civil war of sin and separation, destroys so many Protestant souls from within, we may justly fear that we shall either want sound Orthodox Protestants to maintain it; or we shall want a Creed for them to maintain. I shall, for conclusion, desire that Reader into whose hands this ensuing discourse shall fall, to observe three things concerning Mr. Peacock, a man whom I well knew, and bless God that ever I knew him. 1. That the sorest and sharpest afflictions do very often befall the dearest and choicest servants of God: I mean, not outward and temporal afflictions, common to good and bad: but inward and spiritual afflictions, and the heaviest of these spiritual desertions, whereby God withdraws his glorious countenance from his children: and Satan in lieu thereof, shows them his ugly visage, thereby convincing a secure world. That it is no easy matter to go to Heaven, and that the safest and surest way to it, is to sail by the gates of Hell. If the righteous can scarcely be saved (saith the Apostle) where shall the wicked and sinner appear? 2. That the deepest humiliations of God's children, do usually determine in the highest consolations. And hereby the wicked, who like ravening wolves hunt after such opportunities, do miss of their prey, and return ashamed when they consider what end God hath made. And thus it fell out with Mr. Peacock here. 3. Lastly, Though a spiritual desertion be the highest affliction that befalls God's child; yet it discovers in him the greatest sincerity of an upright heart; For at such a time he is so far from hiding his sins, that he cares not what shame he puts upon himself, so God may have glory. For in a spiritual desertion, though the soul of a Christian be extremely distressed through the terror of sin; yet at the same time hath it a true touch of grace, though not of the comforts of it: like iron touched with the loadstone, it stands directly Northward, though with much trembling: So doth the soul of a Christian stand directly Heaven-ward in this hellish agony: and the absence of God and of his consolations, is the cause of those bitter convulsion-fits in the soul. And as soon as ever the comforts of grace shine upon it, those former tremblings of heart for grief, are presently changed into leapings for joy; just as the same wrinkles of the face, which serve for crying when the heart is grieved, serve for laughter when it is filled with joy. This was the case of Mr. Peacock, in this manner he grieved, in this manner he rejoiced, and this happy issue God made of his bitter afflictions. So that amidst the numerous and various afflictions of God's dear Saints and Children, this conclusion of the Prophet David remains sure and firm, Mark the upright man, and behold the just, for the end of that man is peace. So I rest, Thine in the Lord E.B. Mr. Peacocks' Visitation. MAster Peacock, the servant of God, in the beginning of his visitation, for the space of two weeks and four days, was full of most Heavenly consolations; showing by sweet meditations, and gracious ejaculations, the entertainment he found with his God in his sickness, with whom he so much desired to be acquainted in his health. We are (saith one coming to visit him) miserable comforters: Nay (saith he) Ye are good, for this is the privilege even of God's children, that their very presence affords comfort. Sometimes he craved pardon for his actions, & for the circumstances by them badly observed: otherwhile he desired to have some matter given him to meditate upon. Finally he said, his hope was firmly settled on the rock Christ Jesus. He hoped that the Lord would give him a place, though it were in the lowest room of his Saints. And he thanked God he had no trouble of conscience, the Lord did not suffer Satan to vex him; In so much that some seeing his great comfort, feared left he would be overtaken with sorrow before his death: he much rejoiced that the Lord had so disposed of him, that he had seen his friends in the country. Here first was his yielding unto death suspected, and his hoped recovery doubted. Calling some of his friends aside, I thought (saith he) I had been in a good estate, but I see it now far otherwise: For these things my conscience lays against me: First, I brought up my scholars in Gluttony, letting them eat their fill of meat, when they mealed with me. This some endeavoured to pull out, by putting into his mind, 1. The preventing of many inconveniencies. 2. His well known moderation. 3. The great care he took for good conference, when they were at table with him. But (saith he) while I was talking, they did undo themselves. And further, I did unadvisedly expound places of Scripture at the table many times; and for these I feel now a Hell in my conscience. Again, I have procured my own death, by often eating like a beast, when I came jostling up and down to my friends in the country; And now I see before my face those dishes of meat wherewith I clogged my stomach. Well (saith one to him) If all the things you accuse yourself of were undone, would you do them again? Nay: why then doubt not but a Reprobate would desire to be saved, if a desire would serve the turn: indeed he may have a desire, but of bare willingness, not with an intent and purpose in using of the means. Another time a worthy friend of his asking him how he did: he cried out, sin, sin, sin: What doth any lie on your conscience? Yea. What? My unconsideratenes, I did eat too much of such meat to breakfast such a morning: myself being an eye-witness of his great abstinence, could not choose but admire the tenderness of his self-accusing conscience. Well (said he) God be thanked there is no greater. As we must not extenuate our sins, so neither must we too much aggravate our sin. Let drunkards and gluttons have those terrible horrors. I thank God I never continued in any known sin against my conscience. He was willing that he should pray with him: kneeling down he said, he was then uncapable of prayers. Afterward he kneeled down of his own accord: shortly after he broke out into such speeches, A damnable, wretched &c. these are nor your words (saith one) you cannot deny but you have had good experience of God's mercies. I cannot. Then be comforted, for whom he loveth once, he loveth to the end. Yet Satan took such advantage of his infirmities, that though he could find some comfort, yet no particular assurance. You have lived profitably (said one) I have endeavoured. You are now humbled, and the Lord looks that you should ask mercy. M. Dod was sent for, who being come, they were private awhile, afterwards we coming in to them, M. Dod put him in mind of God's kindness: whereof he showed to him four parts. 1. To take small things in good part. 2. To pass by infirmities. 3. To be easily entreated. 4. To be entreated for the greatest. Sir, there is now in you the image of the old Adam, sin and sorrow: there shall be in you the image of the new, holiness and happiness. The life to come may be set out by three things. 1. The estate of itself, happiness, holiness, and glory. 2. By the the company, every one shall love you better than any one, even the best, can love you here. 3. The place. There are three differences between the afflictions of the good and of the bad. 1. In the cause, for they come to the good for God's love. 2. In the measure, as far as they need, and are able to bear. 3. In the end, for their good. Of those former doubts we afterwards heard not a word from him. Upon the Sabbath-day he desired to be alone: after noon he was fearfully troubled. In his countenance appeared evident tokens of a sorrowful mind, born up with a weak body; his spirit was wounded, Satan had foiled him. Those his terrible wrestlings with tentations, gripes of conscience, and restless terrors, none can understand, (much less express) but he which felt them. Satan had winnowed him, and showed him nothing but chaff. His tender conscience was gored with the fiery darts of the Devil, pointed with the edge of sin, and sense of God's heavy wrath. As through a false glass, the dazzled eye of his astonished and amazed soul, could see nothing but hideously appearing sin, and the terrible image of death and damnation. He had drunk deeply of the cup of the dregs of Hell. His adversary had represented unto him his once most gracious God, now as a most severe Judge displeased, angry, and chiding with him; yea yielding him up into his claws: that so by this deadly stratagem, he might take from him all hope of help that way, and so not only stop the sensible flowing of God's grace, and cut the chains of God's love, whereby he had tied him, and would draw him after him, but finally break his Christian heart. Oh that you had seen, or that we that were present had had eyes to have seen his seeming forlone soul. What with barkings of conscience, and with the too heavy burden of sin, waves of fearful thoughts, blustering blasts, and surging storms of God's heavy displeasure, he was tossed, turmoiled, dashed against the rocks of despair, and more than in danger of his soul's shipwreck: happy were we if neither through forwardness, nor blindness of judgement, we did inconsiderately pass by, or profanely deride God's judgements, by thinking that they either happen casually, or by forgetting of them suddenly. If we could but rightly discern it, we should find nothing more profitable, then to have the Image of this gracious (though now afflicted) soul in our hearts. Hereby we may see that the righteous being scarcely saved, there is no place for the wicked and ungodly to appear. And truly we may think that God sent it even for our sake, that we (with whom it is too usual to dally with the Lord) might know that it is a fearful thing to fall into his hands. Our faith is then tried in earnest, when as the Lord hideth his face from us. For if we love God above all things, it cannot be but upon the loss of the relish of his favour, or taste of his displeasure, our souls should be in bitterness, pricked, tormented, wounded, thrust thorough, yea, and swallowed up with desolation. It is a wonder of the world, how we carefully will seek physic, use diet, by any means to avoid a bodily pang, and how careless we are of the unsupportable fits of the souls mortal sickness. It is not in our power to apprehend grace when we will, and a harder matter is it than we can conceive, to lift up a poor soul cast down with the sense of God's wrath. If a violent passion may so far transport the mind, what may we think of this restless trembling, when the soul after long tossings, seeth itself drowned, and wholly overwhelmed with the deluge of sorrow, proceeding from the everlasting threats, and shame, and confusion of face in the presence of the Almighty? Consider the body loaden with a burden, neither portable nor evitable; and thence gather the stranglings of an overladen soul. Consider a man ready to fall from an high Tower unto the Earth; and thence gather the estate of another falling from Heaven to Hell with a spiritual ruin. Consider a child, when the mother hideth her face from it, and terrifieth it with a Bugboe; and herein take view of the estate of a poor Christian (whose chiefest happiness having therein consisted, (to wit) in being joined, and united to his Heavenly Father, having now lost his presence, or being affrighted with the Devil, as if he were ready to lay hands on him. Consider the estate of a debtor, cast off by his best creditors: and gather that of a Christian being bankrupt with his God. Consider the estate of a man, once in favour, afterwards adjudged to death by a Prince, without hope of pardon or repriving: and gather that of a Christian, who after his citation and arraignment at the Tribunal seat of God, stands condemned, and is wholly deprived of obtaining pardon, and delivered into the hands of the Devil. The Lord needs not to seek wild beasts to punish us, or such like cruel executioners of his wrath to torment us, he may find enough within us; all the furies and Devils cannot invent a more grievous torment: One by it apprehended needeth not more accusers or tormentors. His many never-thoughts of sin (as if he stirred a nest of wasps) come buzzing about his ears, and as a man indebted once laid hold of, make him faster daily: his loving friends may stand by the prison and call him, but he being fast fettered, cannot stir forth. You shall see him now in his purgatory, (not that papistical sinne-satisfying fiction, the Pope's jail) but that hot fiery furnace wherein the Lord trieth his metal, whether it be good or reprobate. And suppose that he had died at the worst (as in the Lord's justice he might, to the hardening of those that will not be softened) As no man should rather judge him by the inch of his death, than the length of his life; so I for my part neither did in him, nor do in myself so much fear his death, as I did, and do desire his life. You may observe the courses which God taketh in visiting his children to be divers: some are comfortable and without any great admixture of discomfort: others heavy, but without horror: others horrible, yet all of them are in the issue gracious. But to leave any further digression, and to come again to the matter in hand. When one came unto him, he broke out into these words, Oh how woeful and miserable is my estate, that thus must converse with hellhounds! He being with these words strangely moved, went to call some of his best able friends to comfort him. To them he complained, that the Lord had cursed him. Being demanded how he knew it: he answered, Why! the event showeth it. It being replied, than such and such were cursed▪ he answered, I have no grace. How do those then? they once had none. I was a foolish glorious Hypocrite; It is against the course of God's proceeding to save me, he hath otherwise decreed, he cannot. Put your trust in God. I cannot, no more than an horse. do you desire to believe? No more theèn a post, than an horsshoe. I know you cannot deny but that you have sought God's glory. Not sincerely. There is a secret mixture of pride and hypocrisy, even in the best. I have no more sense of grace then these curtains, than a goose, than that block. Let the testimony of your life past comfort you, especially in the calling of a tutor. I did the business thereof perfunctorily, when I handled hard authors, I came often unprepared, and read shamefully. Be of good courage, and the Lord will comfort your heart. ‛ It is ended, there is no such matter. Why do you think so? You shall see the event, God will yet bring it to pass. Tush, tush, trifles. What do you think of your former Doctrine? Very good. Let it comfort you. It cannot. You desire it could If it might. There is nothing unpossible to God. Which stands with his decree: Oh, oh, miserable, and woeful, the burden of my sin lieth heavy upon me: I doubt it will break my heart. Behold your comforts. Nothing to me, I pray you hold your peace, do not trouble yourself idly, you vex me, your words are as daggers to my heart. Another time some of the younger sort said to him, Remember, Sir, the good counsels that you have given us heretofore. Those were ordinary. You may see many others in the like estate. Not such as mine. See David. What do you speak to me of David? Good Sir, endeavour to settle your mind; Yes, to play with hellhounds. Will you pray? I cannot. You were wont heretofore. Yes, by a custom and vain glory. Suffer us to pray for you. Take not the name of God in vain, by praying for a Reprobate. Here you may see the glory of God preferred before his own salvation, rather willing to have the means of his salvation neglected, than the Lord dishonoured. Suffer us to pray for ourselves. Look to it, you would now show your faculty in praying. Can you say, Amen? No, but in a certain gerall fashion. One prayed, and in the mean time he rested most quietly. I pray you (saith he, when prayer was ended) go hence to bed, do not trouble yourselves in vain. Let not the Devil delude you, abusing your mind and tongue, I know you speak not these words. I wonder that intelligent Scholars should speak thus. We are persuaded you are in as good estate as ourselves. Look how it is with yourselves in truth. One that watched with him, asked him, Sir, how can you discern this change by the absence of God, if you never enjoyed his presence? I thought I had it once, but now I see it is far otherwise. But God deals with you, as he dealt with the Church, Isa. 54.7. He forsook it a while, and hid his face from it, but he returned to it again, and so (no doubt) the case stands with you. Never, add not affliction to the afflicted; Oh me wretch! groaning pitifully. Hope no worse of yourself, than we do of you. All of us have seen clearly which way your carriage was still sent, after the spirit: and we are assured that you will come to the spirit, howsoever you seem to have lost your way. To all particulars he would answer, I desire grace generally, I did good outwardly, all hypocritically. One asked him, do you love such an one? his most dear, and worthy to be dear friend. Yes. Why? For his goodness. Why then you are God's child, for by this we know we are translated from death to life, because we own the brethren. Many like forcible proofs he would shift off with his former evasions, and afterwards became more wary against himself, either loath to grant any thing, or granting it staggeringly, or, what then? fearing lest he should be pressed, he wished, that some were put in mind, 1. Of their great care for building, and too small care for Scholars in them. 2. Their giving so long leave of absence from the college, and desired amendment. After noon came a worthy governor of a college in our University, Dr Ayer Provost of Queen's college. and requested him to be of good comfort, and to pluck up his spirit. I cannot. Why can you not? Because I have no grace, no more than a Backstock. Why do you think so? By this affliction. do you desire grace? I cannot. (He spoke most strongly) I can as well leap over the Church. But are you not sorry that you cannot desire it? I cannot. Would you not be in Heaven? I would not. One standing by, said, The Devil himself would, if he could " By the way, you shall have the opinion of a much respected Minister apposite hereto, which he gave in private. A proud man, saith he, will scorn to seek any good from his enemy: so the devil's pride will not let him think himself beholding to God for Heaven, if he might get it." You have (said one) the testimony of faith, you love the Brethren. I did not. do not you love us? No. * This conclusion was tasteed on him before, which now he ●●●fts off. The Devil now seeth he should be cast into straits, if you should grant this; what is it that doth most trouble you? I undertook too much upon me foolishly: I had gotten a little logic and Greek, and meanly instructed in the rules, did set myself to read to Scholars; and afterwards undertook other business, which distracted my mind and body from them, I have destroyed a thousand souls. You may see the falsehood of him that suggesteth this unto you: you never had a thousand: he puts a false glass before you. The good effects of your pains appears in many of your Scholars. Oh they were of themselves capable. Name one in whom they do not? There is one. (pointing at a Master of Arts there present) He justified his care of him, and gave thanks to God that ever he came to him. It is not so, I did foolishly. You confess you did foolishly, therefore not of malice. Again, consider what would have become of many of them if you had not taken them. Better, far better. All in the college know the contrary. But I feel it. It is false, believe not the Devil. It is too true. When will you make amends? God will give you your heart's desire. Never. Are you sorry that he will not? No, there is no grace in my heart: it is dead. Such was David's case. What do you compare me with him? Behold Christ himself. Nothing to me. God can make his death available. He cannot. He is omnipotent. In me he cannot, because it stands with his purpose. Whom God loveth once, he loveth to the end. But he did never love me. You have tasted of his love. I deceived myself in a certain vainglory: I exposed my head to many things, outwardly all. You could say the Lord's Prayer, and therein call him Father. Hypocritically I was wont to inquire of Master Mason, what was meant by Abba-father; rather in curiosity, then truly to be edified. God will give a good issue. Never, I have no sense. We will pray with you. do not dishonour God. It is well that you will not have God dishonoured: here he sticked, saying, I pray trouble me not with distinctions. After came one, who with vehement action of body, pressed and urged him to trust in God. I cannot (said he) I cannot, he will not have me saved, his sentence is passed. do you desire to be saved? No. Do you desire to desire? No. Would you be damned? No. Look at the sins of other men as great as yours, and yet they are saved. They were good and godly, they found grace: here is the difference, my sins are horrible: he repeated that towards his Scholars. All of us know you took pains. Outwardly you did your best. No. I see now what it is, you strictly look back to your own actions, as a Justiciary, who will none of God's mercy, and now he hath justly met with you, your judgement is just. These words affected him strangely: another willed him to look to it, it seemed near Popery. Do you hope to be justified by your merits? I fear to be damned for my sins. The other asked, whether he could say, Amen? No. Have you no tongue? What is that to the purpose? Name Jesus, I cannot. If I had your tongue in my hand, I would make you speak. Turning his speech to a friend present, Oh (saith he) if you did but feel my grief but an hour, you would have compassion. The other replied, If you were in the fire you would wish to get out. I had rather be in the fire then here. I will pray for you. sin not. Let the fault be mine. Although my purpose was barely to relate the passages of this gracious man's visitation, and to refer to your spiritual eye what you could track and find therein, yet let your gentle construction withhold from me the deserved censure of bold blindness, in that now and then I point at some things which your quick sight may sooner or better apprehend. The Devils malicious policy was great toward him, in that he assaulted him most strongly in that, which might and aught to have been his greatest comfort. Again, I saw that the opinion of the Physician helps somewhat in bodily maladies or diseases, whereas in that his estate, his soul remained as it were uncapable of comfort from the soul's Physician. He much respected some few. He dolefully poured out his soul in the bosom of a well willer, on this manner; I took upon me too proudly many things, and being negligent, performed nothing: cursed be the day when I took Scholars. If I had not taken them, I had been happy; with a great flourish, I was stirring many ways, and in the mean space left the essence of my calling, teaching Scholars. What, saith the other, what shall I now do, when I see you thus tossed? Well, for I was an Hypocrite, and now therefore there is no hope of comfort for me in God's presence: I have no sense of it. The sun is in the firmament, though it may be hid in a cloud. This comparison agreeth not to me. What then would you counsel me to do? Abide within the bounds of your calling: take not too much on you, and the Lord will bless you. Will it avail me to hear sermons. Yes, if you mean to be saved. What good shall I reap thence? Nothing from the bare hearing. Oh, this heavy lumpish fear hath ofttimes shaken me, and now it hath broken out. Another said, you know the poor in spirit are blessed. I am not such. You see you are empty of all good, you feel your burden. I pray you go your ways. He turned his head aside, and stopped his ears: what though you have done but little good, if you have but given a cup of cold water, &c. He thrusted him away with his foot, either (as some thought) being troubled with his shrill voice, or (as he replied) through the devil's subtlety. That evening he was grievously afflicted. Suddenly he broke out; Oh if God The standers by endeavoured to cherish this good motion, and said to him, He will give you grace. I doubt it. Then presently after he uttered this prayer, Oh God, give me a spark of grace, and enlarge my heart that it may apprehend it. He asked a friend, how he might give satisfaction for some speeches. Mr. Dod, although he departed on Saturday, and had then an unseasonable journey, yet being requested by letters, returned on Tuesday following. He at the first sight started up, as desirous to meet him, Oh Mr. Dod, and in friendly sort complained, I have no grace. I will not (saith Mr. Dod) believe every one that saith he hath grace, nor every one that saith he hath none: Answer the Devil as Christ did. A man must not always be led by sense; Let us inquire by the effects, and it may suffice, if we can find but one, yea the least it is enough. You forgive your enemies, and love them, and would do them no hurt if you could? Yes. Then your sins are forgiven. An Hypocrite may give alms and fast, but this he cannot. That is a small matter. I think it to be a great one, yea, such an one that I had need to pray for; That is put for a reason in the Lord's Prayer, and if Christ had thought any more forcible, he would have given it. Sir, that is true, but in those that are elected. do not you put an exception, where God hath not. I would not handle you as I do, but that I know your estate: I come hither to cherish you, you love your good friends? I cannot. Had you rather that bad or good men should be with you? Good. Yet you say, you do not love them: A sow will be with swine: There is no fellowship between light and darkness. Would you believe yourself, or the Physician touching the estate of your body? The Physician. Believe not yourself then, now you are sick, yet shall be restored. It is impossible. Why so? If you had sinned so much as you could, you could not have sinned so much as Adam, yet he is in Heaven. It repented him. Doth it not you? No. Doth your sickness or sin more trouble you, or had you rather have grace, or health? Grace. Well then. But it cannot be. God will wash you. I have no water. God will bring it with him. He hath denied it. He hath offered it by his Ministers, which are as the buckets to draw and pour it. You must not look now that God should come to you himself. Do you think it a small favour of God that so many good friends come to you? God did send none to comfort Cain or Ahithophel. Think of that saying of Manoah's wife, If the Lord would kill us, he would not have showed us all these things, judg. 13.23. Behold the properties of Christ's sheep: They are 1. Weak, 2. Sick, 3. Broken, 4. Driven away, 5. Lost, Ezek. 34.4. You are such, see therefore your comfort, he will 1. strengthen, 2. heal, 3. bind up, 4. bring again, and 5. seek you. You find yourself a great debtor: the Lord hath pardoned: only he looks that you should come to him for an acquittance. This fight is not yours, but the Lords, 2 Chron. 20.20. put your trust in him. If you ask me, how may I? it followeth, believe his Prophets, and you shall prosper. You may remember that Christ did pray for Peter, that his faith might not fail, but it failed afterwards. How came that to pass? That failing did rather strengthen it. For whereas he gloried that if all should deny Christ, yet he would not: had he been asked, dost thou promise this by thine own strength, or by mine? he must have answered, Mine, for otherwise he would have requested his help, making him hereby to seek to Christ for the strengthening of his faith. This happeneth to you, because you credit the suggestion of carnal reason, and not the word rather. Oh the cunning of the adversary! deal not with him by cunning, but hold him to the Word, seek for strength in God to resist him. You may see the Apostles in the tempest, it was from their weakness that they disinherited, yet of God that they prayed. I cannot pray. Here what saint James saith, Is any man sick, &c. afflictions further prayer, but most sicknesses hinder: wherefore behold your friends, whose minds as the Lord hath stirred up to pray for you: so will he also stir up himself to hear them. Their prayers are yours, yea, you have the prayers of many which never knew you. And as God said to Cain, sin lieth at the door, ready as it were to do him an ill turn: so his promised blessing doth as it were expect you. If your salvation were now in your own hands, it is likely you would yield up all: but your name is written in the heart of Christ. Sir, let me watch with you this night. No. Why? because it would hurt you. He (fearing the conclusion) said, Here is a snatching argument: nay rather, I will not suffer you, because you would trouble me. In the morning M. Dod came again to him, and asking him how he did, he answered, wretchedly, lamentably, abominably, no stamp of grace in me. do you desire to be eased? Infinitely. Oh if God would give me a drop: I was so foolish that I would always be doing something, but did nothing well. I pray you tell me what was the calling of the good thief upon the cross? Do not you think that God can put a distinction between his grace and our corruptions? Behold the Church sometimes helpless and hopeless, and Jonah in that his bed, God seeth you, though you see not him. But I feel horror. Where misery is, there is grace much more: Then especially appeareth the excellency of the Physician, when health is least hoped. The Devil doth abuse your mind and tongue against yourself: but doubt not, the Lord will cast down the strong holds of carnal reason. Only do not suppress that grace of God, which although it appeareth but small, as big as a man's hand, yet it shall be increased into a mighty rain, by which your dry soul shall be moistened. Christ rising again, did first appear to Mary Magdalen that sinner, after commanded her to tell it first to Peter, which had denied him. See thence his mercy. The godly in their afflictions do but forget their comforts; God helps their memory, helps all. The godly losing his sense of God's favour, is like to a man that hath lost his purse, which if he could find, he were rich enough. But the wicked cannot be brought to remembrance, because they never knew it. Thus he suffered him to rest a while, afterwards returning with others, prayed. Then he was asked, how he did. Miserably. do not you search into the secrets of God. It is too true and manifest. Sir, do not always be digging in at your sins. A wound continually rubbed cannot be cured. Suffer the plasters of the Word of God to rest upon it, that it may be holpen. Oh, if I had! Oh, if it would please God I had rather than any thing in this or other three thousand worlds. Who now giveth this desire unto you? Of ourselves we cannot think a good thought: God giveth both the will and the deed. A desire is a sure token. But I cannot truly desire. You do not desire falsely, therefore: truly what do you dissemble? Here is a trick. You must needs distinguish between unperfect desire and hypocritical. Will you know whether your desire be true? There are two signs thereof: Constancy, and a conscionable using of the means: You have found these in you, doth this argument hold? You do not feel, therefore you have it not? I know when you would have denied such an argument: If that did follow, it should fare well with the Reprobate, he hath no sense of the wrath of God, therefore he is not under it. Elizabeth said, Whence is it that the mother of the Lord should come unto me? surely from their Christian heart. Truly I could hardly have come to you, but that I thought I was bound in conscience, because I know you to be the servant of the Lord: When you were well, if we should have come with proofs out of the Word of the Lord, you would have believed us. Yes. Why not now when your judgement is blinded? Oh, the judgement of God! Call it as he calleth it, Corrections. Oh, my insensible heart! Oh, dead! A dead man cannot perceive himself dead, and God quickeneth the dead. Oh, if he would enlarge my heart! This desire is good; But it is without savour. God in mercy will yield you a comfortable relish: Consider I pray you; whereas man may object, The Lord is strong and terrible. It followeth, merciful withal. But I am backward in seeking it. He is gracious, more forward than thou canst be backward: but I have provoked. Him; he is slow to anger: but my sins are great, but he is abundant in goodness and in truth. The Lord hath promised that he on his part will be our God, and we on our part shall be his people. For a while he commended him to God: shortly after returning, he prayed with him. Cast your burden upon God. He hath rejected me. Who made you his counsellor? Secret things belong unto God, but revealed things unto us: will you make almanacs? He doth manifest it: Oh mine abominable bringing up of youth! he withal groaned most deeply. If you had done as well as the justest man, you should stand in need of the merits of Christ. Ay, or another may bring arguments, but it belongs to the Lord to fasten them on the heart. I say to you as Noah did to Japhet, God persuade Japhet, &c. What if your sins were as crimson, God can make them as snow. That is true of those that are capable. Behold, we make your estate our own, we have part in your sorrow: who hath thus (think you) disposed our hearts? God. And do you think that he which causeth us to love you, doth not love you himself? I fear I did too much glory in matters of private service to God. The nearer we come to God, the more we see our own vileness. This is the use which I make of it, blessed be God which hath not put our estate in our own hands, but kept it in his. The Devil hath now winnowed you, and you think all is gone out, but God holdeth what is his. An Artificer can distinguish dross from the metal, cannot God his from yours? Well, with Job lay your hand on your mouth, and hold your peace, and so good rest have you: only consider your comfort, though it be but small, whence it came, even from God's Word and servants, no otherwise. M. Dod. When he returned again to take and give farewell, he began to complain: Oh, great and grievous! The Lord knoweth what power he hath given you: A father will put a greater burden upon a stronger son. But see the difference. When an earthly father or master setteth his on wo●k, they must do it with their own strength; but the Lord setteth on work, and giveth strength to be not discouraged. You are now in your calling: Oh, mine heart is miserable! What then? A father loveth his son as well when he is sleeping, as when he is waking. Sir, I have known you heretofore, and although, if I were in your case, I might do as you do, yet I remain the servant of God, as you certainly are. The Holy Ghost calls to your remembrance what you have heretofore taught, and now heard: And although I shall be absent in body, yet shall I be present in mind. Be not too covetous to seek abundance by and by. If Jacob could say to Es●u, I have seen thy face, as though I had seen the face of God, much more should you think so of the children of God that come to you. I thank God (saith he) he hath begun to ease me. He will in his good time. God grant. Thus he took his last farewell. Although we depart from our friends in the way, yet we shall meet at the end. One told Master Dod that he had uttered such words. Now the Lord hath made me a spectacle. Whereupon he counselled one that attended on him, to be sparing in admitting comers in, or speakers, left his brain should be too much heated. A friend of his coming to him, asked him, Dare your murmur and repine against God? Why should I so? God be blessed. It is a sign of grace. But I have no means. You have had them offered. But not given with effect. They shall, I doubt not. God grant: but I do not feel it. He received a letter from a friend very respective, M. Bolton. and much respected of them both: wherein were written these very words: " I heard, I know not how true, that our dear Christian friend Mr. Peacock is in great danger: which hath much grieved and afflicted my heart, and wrung from me very bitter tears. If his extremities be such, his tentations are very like to be fore. Tell him from me (as one who did ever, with dearest intimatenes know and converse with him) that I can assure him in the word of life and truth, from a most just and holy God, whose Minister I am, That he is undoubtedly one of his Saints, designed for immortality, and those endless joys in another world." When it was read to him; at those words I can assure him, &c. (he said) Oh, take heed, take heed; do you think he would or durst assure you, unless he knew on what grounds? I did deceive myself, now God hath revealed more. Another time one requested him, that he would make his friends partakers of the least comfort that the Lord bestowed upon him, as they had been partakers of his grief. If I had it, I would willingly communicate it. Search and take notice of the least. How should I have any, since God denyeth the means? do you think sense is a fruit of faith? Yes, at this season, although the husbandman hath sown much, yet he seeth nothing above ground. Applications do not prove, hold your peace, my heart is broken. Then the promise is yours. I would gladly ask you one thing, Now you will ask twenty. do you seek for grace in your heart? I cannot. How then can you know whether it be there or no? It is dead. The Lord in whose hand the disposing thereof is, dispose it for your good and his glory. I thank you. What do you think of that place, Whose sins you remit, they are remitted, &c. You know how far they may go. Howsoever, Sir, the bargain is not now to be made between God and you. Shortly after came one whom he much esteemed. Oh I love (said he) your company, for the graces in you, and much more to the same purpose. Suddenly he broke out into this ejaculation, Oh God, reconcile me unto thee, that I may taste one dram of thy grace, by which my miserable soul may receive comfort. One secretly willed that man to desire him to repeat it again. do not trouble me with repetitions. There being a sermon, he bade them about him go thither. After he called one, and asked him whether the preacher (being acquainted with his course of preaching) did use his accustomed divisions. He told one, Satan had borne him in hand, and had deluded him: to whom the other answered, I hope that God will restore you as before, to glorify him here. No. No. Yea, if you were weaker, I would hope notwithstanding. I desire nothing more. God be thanked, you have laboured carefully for his glory. I would labour after another fashion. In the night he prayed and repeated his belief. And after resting a while, he called these that watched with him, Bear witness, I said not, I believe, but in general, and as desiring that I might believe. One coming to visit him, asked him, How is it with you? My mind was grievously puzzled with sundry distractions this night, but now I feel my burden more light, I thank God. He was put in mind of that place, Isa. 54.8, 11, 12, &c. Oh thou afflicted and tossed with tempests, and not comforted; behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and thy foundations with sapphires; And I will make thy windows of Agates, and thy gates of Carbuncles: and all thy borders of pleasant stones, &c. For a little while I hid myself from thee, but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee. He lifted up his eyes: thereupon being asked what the Lord did say to his soul, that had long refused comfort? Take heed, be not too bold, look to the foundation. And then prayed. Lord grant me the comfort of thy deliverance, and forgive me my foolishness, that I may praise thy name. Then he complained of his idle speeches. Upon the Sabbath day one came to him, willing him to put his hand to a note of certain debts. This is not a day for that. We will go to Sermon. God speed you. Now you cannot go to Church to serve the Lord, I pray him to come to you. Amen. He hardly suffered any to stay with him. At evening one did read something to him in Master Downam's warfare, and asked him, do you think it to be true? Yes. Therefore you must not trust your sense: What not such as mine are? But I will not now dispute. When they were helping him up and putting on his clothes; upon some occasion one said to him to this effect: A child will not much grieve at the laying aside of an old coat, when he hath a new made, When you shall put on that, there shall be no longer nakedness, the resurrection will amend all. To those that die in the Lord. No doubt you will die in him, having lived in him. I have answered you before. But I would not believe you in that case. The next day a friend of his being to go forth of town, asked him, whether he would have any thing with him, for he was to leave him, and knew not whether ever he should see him again here. Look to your calling, that it be as well inward as outward. He counselled another; To be stirring for the glory of God. To one standing by, he said. I am thinking. What? On a form to get grace. Put your trust in God. So I do. I omit how, and tell you that with great patience, he continually submitted himself to advise in any means for his good: In putting his temporal estate in order; he dealt mercifully with his poorest debtors, yea, with some which might well pay it. His worthy patron (for so he often called him) whom for honour's sake I name, Sir Robert Harley, sent his man to him with some aurum potabile, together with a book which a doctor had made in the praise thereof. Coming to him, and asking him how he did, Oh (said he) if it would please God that I might live with him. Anon after he said to one, I have been thinking of arguments by which I might plead my cause with God, and I have found: But what if dying thus, I should be judged an Apostata? Man is not the Judge at whose tribunal you must stand or fall. There came in many of our chief fellows. One of them requested him to make confession of his faith willingly. But I would think of it first. Musing awhile, he called them. Truly my heart and soul have been far led, and deeply troubled with tentations and stings of conscience: but I thank God they are eased in good measure: Wherefore I desire that I be not branded with the note of a forlorn or Reprobate: Such questions, oppositions, and all tending thereto, I renounce: Now help me, and put me in mind. What do you think of your former doctrine? Most true: In it I have lived, and will die; I have not dealt hypocritically in it. Are you willing to die? Truly I will tell you: my Patron who of late sent me potable gold, hath taken order that I might live with him contentedly in the ministry: but I submit myself to the will of God. do you desire the glory of God, and the salvation of your brethren? Most: Help my memory, what mo●e? do you forgive all wrongs? Yes, and desire that mine may be: And now I thank you. Sir, I remember a thing wantonly done towards you, pointing at one present. You sent me a knife for a new-years-gift; and I tied two verses to it, and sent it back: I pray pardon me if any thing— For mine unconsiderate speeches in the time of my tentations, I heartily and humbly ask forgiveness. You did then (saith one) seem to rely somewhat upon inherent righteousness, as if you sought in yourself whereby you should be saved: Indeed we knew your conversation to be unreprovable: No I dare not affirm it: I trust in nothing but in the name of Jesus. Have you any certainty in him? I would not be pressed to a particular assurance in this grievous agony. We desire you to inform them that shall come unto you of your estate. My unability is great: They then prayed, 1. Giving God thanks, that whereas before they had craved his mercy for his servant, he had heard them, and manifested to his glory, how he never forsaketh his: And besought him, because he knew the malice of the enemy, to perfect his good work, and not suffer him to be tempted above his strength. Now, Sir, we tell you one thing to your comfort, We never heard you speak any thing against God or man, throughout the time of your visitation, but wholly against yourself. I have been bold thus to argue with God, If he hath showed mercy to such and such, why should not I likewise have hope? He complained once, how, while he was visiting the sick, (In which work many poor souls found the ready mercifulness of his heart, and now feel a great want) he lighted upon doubts; which that he might more fully satisfy, when the like might be moved, he studied too earnestly. One brought him a note book which he had lent. (Always willing to communicate what he had most private) Here is a book (said he) of great pains, &c. To a stranger, a worthy gentleman that came to visit him, he said, The Lord is merciful to me, and I have cause of rejoicing, &c. Afterwards a reverend governor came to him, Dr Ayery. to whom he complained of his sin and misery. You look not (said he) for any thing in yourself. No, for nothing. You would amend if you had space. Oh if I had— Certainly— Think on this. As the Lord hath heard the ejaculations and groans of your spirit in your infirmity, so he will now. If he will be glorified by your life, you shall live; Submit yourself to him, let him choose for you. My faith is weak. All, you know, are here but in part, you desire notwithstanding to run to that which is perfect: So you may see how low many have been brought, some (said he) have been idolators, was not Manasses such an one? Yes. And behold God's servants from the beginning of the Bible to the end, they have slipped. Let had shrewd slips, but yet here the testimony of the Apostle of him; he was just and righteous. You have been wearied and heavy loaden. Yes. For such is the end of Christ's coming: your desire is a token of favour: For by how much the nearer we come, the more we thirst. Think now on his loving kindness; he hath begun, and he will finish whom you have served. I did endeavour, but vile imperfections, &c. It is our greatest perfection here to see our imperfections. Shortly after came to him many young Gentlemen, to whom he said, Live in God's fear, that you may die in his favour: Otherwise the ox and the ass will condemn you; I spent my time foolishly and prodigally. You have (said one) remembered that sufficiently; Remember also Christ. That is true, Christ is to be remembered, and our sins to be remembered also. The night following, which was Wednesday night, the Sun of righteousness spread gracious beams at his setting, which were comfortable tokens of a glorious rising. His last swan-like song, as he uttered it, was penned by some as he uttered it. One comforting him by his bead-side some two hours or more before his death, he broke out into these speeches; Quid de salute mea sentiam expectatis ut explicarem: usque adeo indulget Deus ijs quos semel dilexerit, ut eos nunquam deserat, atque ideo me in coelos transiturum pro certo habeo: Felicissima sunt ea vincula in quae me conjecit Deus benignissimus; You all expect that I should declare what I think of my own salvation: God is so indulgent to those whom he hath ever loved, that he never forsakes them, and therefore I am assured I shall go to Heaven: Most happy are those fetters into which I was cast by a most merciful God. One telling him, You have fought a good fight, &c. he said, Expetit, expedit ut contendam ad coelum; Tollite, Tollite, Eripite, Eripite, ut coelum adeam: Deus indulget ingenuitati bonorum. It is requisite, it is requisite that I should contend for Heaven: Take me up, take me up, carry me hence, carry me hence, that I may go to Heaven; God doth cherish the ingenuity of the good. Being put in mind of God's mercy towards him, he made answer: Oh, the sea is not so full of water, nor the sun of light, as God is of goodness, his mercy is ten thousand times more. Being likewise remembered of God's goodness towards him, in filling his heart with such comforts, after so great tentations, he said: I do (God be praised) feel such comfort from that: What shall I call it? Agony, saith one, Nay, that is too little: That had I five hundred worlds, I could not not make satisfaction for such an issue. Being moved to lift up his heart in token of thankfulness unto his God, he uttered these words: What, shall I extol the magnificence of God, which is unspeakable, and more than any heart can conceive? Nay rather let us with humble reverence acknowledge his great mercy: What great cause have I to magnify the great goodness of God, that hath humbled, nay rather exalted such a wretched miscreant of so base condition to an estate so glorious and stately! The Lord hath honoured me with his goodness: I am sure he hath provided a glorious Kingdom for me. The joy that I feel in my heart is uncredible. He made likewise protestation of that which he always before taught against justification by inherent righteousness, and appealing to the knowledge of some there present, what he continually maintained, in that (saith he) I still remain a Protestant. After three chapters read to him, revel 19 revel 21. Rom. 8. Oh, (saith he) They be glorious comforts: Will you have any more read? Yea, a Psalm, if you please, and named the 23. One beginning to read it, he desired that it might be sung: One asking him, Will you sing? Yea, said he, as well as I can. The Psalm being sung, afterwards the 17. of John was read unto him: One comforting him by applying to him that in particular, which Christ in general performed for the good of the faithful, he said, Blessed be God, very often, I am a thousand times happy to have such felicity thrown upon me, a poor wretched miscreant. After a little rest, Lord Jesus (said he) unto thy hands: Lord receive my soul, Lord lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon me, and be merciful unto me. Then very weak he repeated the Lord's prayer twice, and his Belief once very plainly, and distinctly with a strong voice, to the great admiration of the hearers: so he slept in the Lord. December 4. Anno 1611. The postscript to the READER. THis copy of M. Bolton's, and intended by him for the press, was by M. Edward Bagshaw (overseer of M. Bolton's Will, and specially entrusted for the printing of it) delivered about nine years since to M. George Miller, Printer of M. Bolton's works, to be by him printed, as he had done his other books, M. Miller carried it to the Licenser, who kept it long in his hands, and at last refused it, as too precise for those times: while it was in the Licensers hands, one M. Milburne of intimate acquaintance with him, got a copy of it, and printed it about five years since: but upon examination, the transcribed copy was found imperfect, and by that means the book proved unsaleable. When this present copy was almost printed, M. Miller had notice of such a book, and not before. This is thought fit to be made known, that the Reader might understand that this present copy is the only true approved copy, and licenced by an eminent Divine of the Assembly, as a fit and useful book for these present times. FINIS. Imprimatur Edm. Calamy.