THE CAPTIVE-CAPTAIN: OR, THE RESTRAINED CAVALIER; Drawn to his full BODY in these CHARACTERS; 

I. Of a Prison.  
II. The Anatomy of a jailer.  
III. A jailers Wife.  
IV. The Porter.  
V. The Century.  
VI The Fat Prisoner.  
VII. The Lean Prisoner.  
VIII. The restrained Cavalier, with his Melancholy fancy.    
Presented, and ACTED to LIFE in a Suit of Durance; an HABIT suiting best with the Place of his Residence.  
Nullus extra te Carcer.  
London Printed by I. Grismond, 1665.   

FOR THE WORTHILY HONOURED, RICHLY ACCOMPLISHED; AND ABSOLUTELY COMPLETED, Sir THO. PRESTON, BARONET; HIS MOST AFFECTIONATELY OBLIGED SERVANT R. B. PRESENTS THESE CHARACTERS: (BEING NATIVE & GENUINE DISPLAYERS of the HUMOURS OF THESE TIMES;) IN LIEU OF THOSE GRACEFUL RESPECTS, SO AMICABLY and AMPLY RENDERED; And by the AUTHOR HUMBLY ACKNOWLEDGED.   

The Number and Order of these CHARACTERS, interlaced with sundry other emergent Subjects, properly and ingenuously dilating on the Humours of these Times.  
I. THe Character of a Prison. 
Page 1  II. The Anatomy of a jailor. 
3  III. A jailors Wife. 
5  IU. The Porter. 
7  V. The Century. 
9  VI. The Fat Prisoner. 
10  VII. The Lean Prisoner. 
13  VIII. The restrained Cavalier, with his Melancholy Fancy. 
15  I. Advice to a Peer. 
21  II. Advice to a Peasant. 
24  III. Advice to a Landlord. 
28  IU. Advice to a Farmer. 
32  V. Advice to a simple Country Curate. 
36  VI Advice to a Country justice.. 
40  VII. Advice to an Heir. 
43  VIII. Advice to a younger Brother. 
47  IX. Advice to a Gallant. 
50  X. Advice to his Mistress. 
54  XI. Advice to him that will take it. 
58  I. A Countrey-Commissioner. 
70  II. A State-Competitor. 
77  A Fanatic. 
92  The Black Rod. 
101  State-Dimensions. 
115  A smart Reply. 
116  Letters of Advice; or, The Friendly Monitor. 
119  A Defensive Letter. 
143  To a Malignant. 
151  Upon the late Plot. 
155  Upon the Face of Rebellion. 
159  A Farewell Carol. 
161  The Sequestrees Sonnet. 
165  No Mean, no Man. 
167  The Interest of Westmoreland. 
171  The Interest of Cumberland. 
181    

THE CAPTIVE CAPTAIN: OR, The Restrained Cavalier. IN VIII. CHARACTERS.  

I. The Character of a Prison.  
A Prison is a Cage of unclean Birds; not that they are unclean of themselves, but that their nasty Attendants desire to have them appear unclean Beasts like themselves. Augeus' Stables had dainty Grooms, if compared to their Chamberlains. The whole Prospect of this forlorn Room is a Grate; where through every transenn, every stancher, those incaged Birds may take a view of the Iron Age. They say, Spirit's walk there; but very few Spirits to entertain the least portion of Compassion. This Cacus Cave is compared to the Lion's Den; Turn once the Ward,— Et vestigia nulla retrorsum. Her Walls, instead of Darnicks, Arras, and Tapestry, are commonly interwoven with Ariadne's Cawls, Spiderwebs, and such like overworn Trophies of Antiquity. The Cimmerians in their Dwellings, resemble these in their Lodgings; only their Lights are different: Those receive some scattered Beamlings by their Mountain-Crannies; these by their forlorn Loopholes. Her constant Inhabitants, to their dis-comfort, retain such Backbiters, that though they give them sustenance, yet they startle them sleeping and waking with their too obsequious adherence. The Music of this House, holds in consort with the Trapezites, all Iron. If her Meniey were as constant in their Affection, as in their Mansion; as firmly linked in the bonds of fidelity, as in their Links of a necessitated Society, they were a brave amicable Family. Either her own parsimony, or her Inmates penury is such, as she keeps no Open-house. So short is she in her wages, and so spare in her solace, as her Servants are weary of her before an end of their first quarter's service. She's careless from whence they come, but infinitely cautious how they go away. And if they go away without her favour, they are in great danger to break their necks for their labour.   

II. The Anatomy of a jailor.  
HE is a brave boisterous Blade; one who has made a contract with his tongue and look: with the latter to look ugly; with the other to speak harshly. He is a cunning Falconer; and with his imperious Whistle keeps his mewed fowl in such command, as they hold themselves blessed when they are without the sound of his call.  
He is active in the exercise of his Manacles, Bolts, and Fetters. He binds his Apprentices to such hard conditions, as some are enforced with the loss of their lives to purchase their freedom. He is so richly disciplined in the Array of Oaths and Curses, as he has learned to damn his unhappy Family with no less facility than felicity. This makes the Devil hug him Morning and Evening, charging him to go on in his Work, and he shall be sure of his Wages. His only Fees derive their gratuities from the sins of the people. If you tell him of the jailor in the Acts; he either believes not the Story: or he calls him a White-livered Officer to make Conscience his Commander. He is of such a base quality, as to feed himself, he starves his Meniey. Shrieks, groans and Lachrymae are his delicious harmony. He has so dis-used himself to Civility, as he cannot utter one word of comfort, to gain him a Kingdom. If his poor famished family receive a reward; it returns to his Ward. While they, poor Souls, pray for their Benefactors: He becomes whole Sharer. The poor Prisoners Box is his Exchequer; his Prisoners, his Sponges; their ruin, his raising; their famine, the improvement of his fortune. All his Keys are made for Spring-locks; they will shut of themselves, but never open.  
This surly Mastive glories in nothing more than in displeasing; and where he dare not bite, to be snarling. He makes more disheartened Spirits tremble one day, than he did for his sins all his life. His only triumph is over misery: and his resolution to exclude mercy. He hath no time to pray, lest he should neglect his charge. Yet for a fat bribe in a Corner, he will not stick to truck with his well-lined Prisoner: though by his voluntary escape he hazard an halter. Generally, he never looks up to heaven, but when he is posting to hell: and now the unaccustomed thought of his sins makes his Journey seem long and heavy: but let him comfort himself; it is all down-bank, and that will make it seem more easy.   

III. A jailors Wife.  
WE have done with Pluto; we are now to pluck one feather from the Wing of his dainty Duckling Proserpina. Would you have her Picture drawn to life? That curious Holland Artist Hans Carvile, though he had the absolutest fancy in pourtraying the Devil, could not do it if he were living: yet we will shadow, though we cannot to her full body so tightly limn her.  
For her Constitution and Composition, they suit as nearly with her jailors Disposition, as Charon and Acheron. Since the very hour that she put her Wedding-ring on her knotty finger, it has been her highest ambition to mould herself to her surly Husband's humour: and to observe his deportment in every posture. The Wheel of her tongue is of a perpetual motion; yet generally she spits as much as she speaks; wherein I must caution you to keep your distance; and not to come within the compass of her Sent; for the very steam which drills from her fluets, retains more venom than the foam of a mad Dog. She's an intolerable Slut; yet he that should venture to call her so, might be sure to have a dark Lobby for his lodging. Any one may smell her, before he see her; so strongly is she chafed with Kitchen pomander. She has usually more fat on her skirts, than many of her starved Meniey have on their Ribs. Her A pricock Nose is a common Sewer, ever running; so as her tongue cannot be more active, than that is fluent. To save a Faggot, every Winter Morn, she makes fuel of her Maids; bestowing more basting of them, than she doth on her meat. Her complexion (lest you should neglect her when you see her) holds near resemblance to a parcel of scorched Lard: yet she has a conceit there is not a morsel about her, but infinitely deserves love. If she take notice of an handsome well-timbered Prisoner, that promiseth ability in his feature; She will not stick to reserve some of her best reversions for him, and cram him, not by way of Alms, but for her own benevolence. She changeth not her Clothes half so often as she doth her Maids. For her heavy household, though their appetite be strong, their repast is weak. Thus in a double restraint these poor wretches suffer; air and fare; thraldom and hunger; and in these, He has vowed to keep them as short in the One, as She means to abridge them in the Other. Yet it is strange; amidst all these disgusts, She's infinitely dear to her Guests. Now to bring her to bed, if her jailor lose her, you may be confident who will have her. But I perceive her diving, like the Spirit in the Vault; we will leave her to her long sleep; and thrice happy had many of her Inmates been if she had never waked.   

IV. The Porter.  
ALL hail to Cerberus! how desperately the Tartarian Cur looks? His uncertain revenues consist wholly of rewards: and these his unhallowed Keys keep in the circumference of their Wards. He has no other vails to support him; so as he becomes no less unnecessarily lazy, than necessarily lousy.  
The only way to act Malevolo, is to fall into poverty. And he is already fallen upon that Rock. He cannot speak affably, if you should hang him; unless he observe an hopeful visitant approaching his Gate: and then he labours to strain courtesy with his ingenerous inbred quality; and to open to him with an unmannerly congee. He is infinitely weary in doing nothing; and yet should you take him from his unprofitable vocations, he would adventure to do something worse than nothing. He sleeps as much as he either eats or drinks: but that's not his fault, but his slow Benefactors: for he has Ericthous bowels to receive, if he had any open-hearted Vitellius to give. He counterfeits a pleasant shrug, upon the admittance of a well-crammed Prisoner; and his first morning visit must be reserved for his Chamber. Now, you must not conceive this to be out of any love to his Guest; but merely for his Morning Draught and a Canonical Toast: which many times (bar basket reversions) serves him for his whole days repast. This Dog in a doublet, should he be called to an account of his life, you should hear such a reckoning as would partake more of Cannibal than Christian. He had retired hours enough to say his Prayers in: but he held Devotion such an Antipos to his profession, as he mightily feared he should lose his place, by inuring his idle hours to any such pious pratice.  
And now after his long useless service, wherein neither he himself reaped much profit, nor his Prisoner's solace; looking with the Swan upon his feet, he perceives he has purchased something that will stick near him, when all his acquaintance leave him: Gout and Dropsy, which hale him along from his Porters-lodge to a lower Century.   

V. The Century.  
ARe men of the Livery. Red-coats, Blue-coats, Green-coats, White-coats; nay, Turncoats in hope of better pay. They are as vigilant and as prudent (for aught I know) as those watchful Birds of the Capitol. They are sufficiently indoctrinated in their words of command; which they use upon all occasions: Stand, who goes there?— Corporal! They are principally versed in Parades and Reliefs. They hold themselves privileged men by the Law of Arms: and scorn the repulse of a stranger, so long as they cling together. Night rovers are their best Benefactors. These, what occasion soever they pretend, must untruss, or let them be sure to suffer disgrace. Now should you single them out, and put them to any Interogatories, you were not to expect from them any resolutions in affairs of discipline (wherein they are generally better fed than taught:) for they hold it sufficient knowledge to return an account under what Captain they serve. For any other questions, it were needless for you to demand: seeing they are bound to answer no more than they know. Those Golden and Silver Shields in the Athenian Guards, were to their glory none of this Century. These are only known to their Country Arms: which they mean more ordinarily than orderly to manage upon any State-service. Some of these, to save their Hamlet an unnecessary charge; by their provident husbanding of their Powder; have not discharged their Muskets, since their first admittance to that military Order. They hold shedding of blood, be the quarrel never so fair nor cause just, to be a crying sin; therefore to clear their innocent souls from that soil, they have religiously vowed never to draw (unless it be upon great advantage) in their own defence. Yet like Garden-Doggs, they are very fierce on the night; especially if they be backed, and find a remisseness of spirit in their Assailant. Yet I would have their Spectators retain this opinion of them; that they are brave metall'd Blades, Sparks of honour; and such as will make their Centuries smoke again to display their valour. There is nothing but it may be usefully employed to some end or other: this makes these terrible Myrmidons use their Match instead of Tinder, while others (more active in tossing a Pipe than a Pike) receive light from their labour. But nights are cold and long; and if Moonlight, fuller of danger; for then Trees send forth their shadows, which at first fight resemble enemies: But perceiving those shady Bushes to be no Foes, but mere Apparitions to delude them, they are content before their Reliefs to take a Nap; where we do leave them.   

VI The fat Prisoner.  
IS one that is given to the flesh, as the flesh is given to him; for if otherwise, he might be as thin as other of his fellow-Rats, who feed on the same Commons, but batten not so well, for want of concoction; or in that they have not such merry hearts to allay their affliction. This May-Bird can sing as sweetly in a Cage, as if he were in a Forest. He accounts his imprisonment the Emblem of his life: and his life neither unhappier nor shorter by being a Prisoner. He finds freedom in his greatest restraint; and that inward liberty which many Libertines who have the wide world to walk in, could never purchase.  
But these are Contemplative men, who make Heaven their Object; and consequently, whatsoever is here below, their Subject.  
Now, there be other fatlings who cram themselves in security. Their Pot, Pipe and merry company so besots them, as they make no difference at all betwixt bondage and liberty. These have put off all cares; and like Porkets in a Sty, feed without thought of provision; and like loose Epicures, turn from their Troughs without thanksgiving. Wherein, though they owe to God for their Ordinary; yet such debts retain least hold in their memory. You may see the world here drawn up in a small Epitome. This Prison holds as much as the world: all her inhabitants are either good or bad. Here is a good Prisoner; and he makes contemplation his reflection: Divine Service is his Souls Solace. Nothing can confine him, because he finds nothing fit to entertain him, that Earth may afford him. This apprehension moves him to esteem of a Prison as a place of more freedom than the world; because he finds fewer inducements to decline him from pursuit of his future liberty, than he found in the world. Whereas that bad fatling or sensual Prisoner is content with any place, that may be-lull his cloudy understanding in a careless sleep. Freedom and bondage are indifferently equal to his fruitless pilgrimage; being neither beneficial to himself nor his neighbour in the One nor the Other.  
Now he who fat's himself with true Hearts-ease, feeds his appetite with diviner hopes, than to satisfy it with the Prodigals husks.   

VII. The Lean Prisoner.  
HE is a living Sceleton; a breathing Ghost; the remainder of a greater work; or the wasted portion of his Purveyors provision; or a shadow that has lost his substance. This jack-a-lent, an old Inmate in that ancient Fabric of john a Gant, promiseth at the first sight as if he had put on the habit of some Hermit or Anachorite; having procured such a divorce from his flesh, as he had only entered into Covenant with his spirit. But all is not Gold that glisters. Sanctity is not wholly confined to an Hermitage, nor Mortification to lean Chaps and a pale visage. Spare bodies may have strong appetites. Cambletes was lean, though gluttonous; and Camillus fat, though abstemious. Wood of Kent had sere ribs, but a sore stomach. The lean, with Pharaohs Kine, are apt to devour the fat. But let us judge the best; for if his weak exhausted feature proceed from the defective reversions of a trencher, he merits pity, bearing the Characters of his penury in such dying colours in his physiognomy; but if marrow-eating Envy bring him to this infirmity, he may thank himself for his own malady. Now you shall take this for a constant rule, by how much more this Scarecrow is estranged from the flesh; by so much nearer is he allied to the Spirit: you shall scarcely find one in an age to parallel Galba's constitution, to have a quick enlivened brain, and a gross corpulent bulk. The leanest body, the activest spirit. Nay generally partaking most of that ingenious humour of Melancholy, he becomes a singular proficient in Machavels policy. Brutus was fatter than Cassius; but less dangerous. But our poor Mammet, as he depends upon the Basket, so he studies no Maxims of State. He proves that Axiom good, It is more miserable to have a stomach without meat, than to have meat without a stomach. Now his dogged Jailor, according to his wont humour, will tell you, that he fares as well as the rest, but he has a Caninum appetitum, which makes him eat more than he can digest. But believe no such Cheats; he could digest far more than he eats. But having long ago left his flesh; he is now bethinking himself to leave the world. That was a burden he did so little love, as he desired to leave; and now loath any longer to live: next to his sins, he reputes himself of nothing more, but that He, who has held all his time for an upright Dealer, should now for want of flesh, become a Worm-cheater.   

VIII. The restrained Cavalier, with his Melancholy Fancy.  
IS john for the King in all parts of the Kingdom. He had a brave spirit before he was impounded; and now in his restraint he has a desire to fight; but Fetters instead of Indentures have so bound him to good behaviour, as his appetite is cooled; his approved valour must thaw and resolve to vapour, and content himself with the recollected honour of being once a Soldier; yet like gummed Grogram, he will fret, though he cannot fight; and if his Genius be so happy, conjure up all the Muses to assist him in his Satirical humour, and twist him some whip-cords to lash his unconscionable flint-hearted Jailor; and this he does metally, like a daring Retainer: 
Didst thou but know, dogged jailor, whom thou hast  
In those vast jaws of thy damp Prison placed;  
With cheerful rays thou'dst look upon thy guest,  
And hold thy Mansion by his seizure blest.  
Pure Nectar Rivulets drained from our brains  
Like Aqua fortis shall eat through thy chains.  
Grumble not, Island Cur! Here is a man  
Would hook thy Nose, were't thou Leviathan.  
Wits slight restraint! our Spirits never felt  
Cares of those keys hang dangling at thy belt.  Thus this impaled Minotaur domineers within his own Grate; while looking about him, and observing his mean accommodation, he begins to take a more curious survey of his incurious Lodging; which he calls The Captain's Cage; and with a Jailor's curse, in this sort he anatomizeth his despicable case. 
A Captive-Captain lay in such a room,  
He held his Bed the Emblem of his Tomb.  
Dark as a Charnel-house: no spirit did move  
But Rats and Mice below, and rain above:  
So as he needed not wash his Couch with tears,  
Such streaming showers drilled down about his ears.  
Besides, an Herd of grunting Hogs so nigh,  
None could discern his Lodging from their Sty.  
A kennel too of bawling Curs lay there,  
Which all night long were yelping in his ear.  
Near this a chimney that would keep no fire;  
" Thus did his passive pensive hours expire.  
" If this a thraldom might not styled be,  
" Prisons are Paradoxes unto me.  It is great pity that his friends and fortunes should so neglect him; or his own meriting parts become such strangers to him, as he can neither find the one to comfort, nor the other to support him. He concludes therefore, that it is a Mad world; and those that fawn on it, the maddest fools in it. He hears of Sallies, Skirmishes, and Battles; but what are these to his Bolts? The report of the change of a Prisoner would enliven him far better. But Valour must not be redeemed with Copper. Though his Field-actions deserved Praise, yet must they not purchase his person freedom without a Price. And poor restrained Cavalier, he's as far from giving as lending.  
He remains disrobed, and disarmed: his only shift than must be Best-be-trust, or he must stay there without Bayl. Others may be enlarged by Public Faith, which he cannot. Well, this is his comfort, though he be restrained in body, he has derived from his mind that liberty, as he can fight without Arms, and conquer his Passions in their highest extremity. Let him then dying, be honoured with an Hearse, whose living valour was never rewarded worse. Nay, should his Body want the honour of a Shrine, yet let his Memory live in the Calendar of Fame, while we endorse this Inscription upon his neglected Grave.    

CHOICE CABINET COUNSEL.  
Aperiatur Scrinium,  
Ut reperiatur Consilium.  Proclus. 
Sperate Miseri,  
Cavete Foelices.  
What precious treasures best enrich the mind,  
Unlock this Cabinet, and you shall find.  
Gems may be stolen, or lustre lose with rust;  
But these more pure than to resolve to dust.   

CHOICE CABINET COUNSEL.  SALVIAN. 
O calame adjuro te, ne literam trahas nec lineam; in qua pro viribus non delineas Dei gloriam.  

I. Advice to a Peer.  
YOU are a Person of Descent; ennoble it with actions of Desert. There is nothing that detracts more from the splendour of an eminent Family, than to be ignorant in that which may most and in the liveliest colours portray itself noble.  
The ancient Roman Peerage became not only distinguishable by their House or Coat, but by one peculiar virtue or other lineally descendent and inherent to that Race: As the Publicolae for Courtesy; the Scaevolae for Sobriety; the Lentuli for Liberality; the Gracci for Gravity; the Appii for Equity; the Coriolani for Majesty; the Aureliani for Piety; and the Marii for Magnanimity. Which ornaments dignifyed them much more than all that blood which ran through their veins.  
I have been known to some persons equal to you in rank, and equipage of State, though different in their Extraction. For some of these were Born, others Made great. And in these may be found as great a difference in their Humour, as was in the lineal derivation or accidental constitution of their Honour. The one had received a native freedom, such a genuine and unaffected comportment, as his very Carriage might play the Herald, and deblazon his Lineage. The other equally great, but his demean so levelled that greatness, as it laid it flat, and mis-shaped the person for acception of any such state. So as, it had been much better for that surreptitious Mushroom to have held still to his slow, but safe private growth; than by his undeserved rise to expose his pitiful grandeur to a scornful censure.  
Some of these we have known, even in the flowrishingst States, who during their times of privacy, lived in fair repute; more loved than envied, though after swollen high, more envied than loved: and never less pitied, than when they stood in most need on't.  
These, likewise, in their first Entrance to State-Affairs, were accounted Grave and Prudential Men; and, in the opinion of those who perused the Draught of their Actions, Passages and Debates, held most fitting to become great, before they came to be great.  
This was the opinion which most men had of Galba, whose unexpected Ascent to Honour, had so estranged him from his native humour, as he appeared not the same Man in Command, which he showed himself to be when Commanded: And no doubt, but this change of disposition took its origin from some sociable infection, by consorting with such, whose Applauses deluded him; and by their palpable Parasitism so madded him, as it made him forgetful of his Rise, and unmindful of his Fall.  
Whence I collect, that there is nothing that may improve, or disadvantage Greatness more, (whether it be derived from eminence of Life, or dignity of Place) than the Company which he frequents.  
It is an excellent Advice therefore of that Divine Moral, in wishing us to make choice of such Companions, in whose Society we have hope, either to better them, or be bettered by them. Stains are ever most discernible in purest clothes. Neither can Greatness in a Civil State become any subterfuge to Guiltiness: whence it was, that the Spartans' held ever the Crime of a Peer most worthy of imparalleled punishment. And hence it was, that their Great Men were called Optimates: Great, because Good. Peers, says that ancient Sage, as they overpeer others in Greatness, so should they surmount others in Goodness; otherwise they build a Low Story upon an High Foundation.  
Now, as Ambition can find you no wings to mount up higher; so be it your care to prepare you Arches to make your high-raised Structures appear stronger; let Amity be your best Monopoly, which is procured with least cost, and at best hand by debonair Carriage and Affability. Add to these, Acts of Piety; being seasonably performed, they will incomparably become you. Go to the Forest; it will inform you: The highest Trees give the fairest Umbrage; They stand for Shrouding, not Crushing their Inferiors.   

II. Advice to a Peasant.  
LEt not the lowness of thy present Condition enslave thee to a Pesantly resolution. If thou really partake of Man, thou wilt lose nothing of thy dimension. Thou canst not be outwardly so despicably low; as thy rightly-aspiring thoughts shall not make thee intellectually high.  
Though 
* The like we read of Abdolominus in Curtius. lib. 4.  Codrus had ragged clothes, he could embroider them with Royal thoughts. It is only in thee, that has power to ennoble thee, and embellish thy poverty with a rich and graceful Livery. But, methinks I see thee, like a poor Malcontent, throwing thine Eyes abroad; as if thou sent'st them forth as spies, or scouts, to make a discovery of all the Estates of such Persons as confine, or neighbour near thee. And, what return do these envious Sentinels render thee? In their Relations, I must no less freely than friendly tell thee, how infinitely they abuse thee: These suggest unto thee (and such Counsellors be the worst Consorts) that Nature has played the part of a niggardly and unjust Stepdame with thee, in drawing in the Breasts of her Bounty towards thee and thy Relations; and so freely laying them open unto others. And is this all those Corrupt Agents can whisper to thee? Let me advise thee, lest thou become depraved before thou converse with Reason. A persuasive Enemy, under pretence of a palliated Amity, may make his surprise of thee, and that with small difficulty, when he finds no considerable Force to resist his Fury. Admit thou were't the poorest and contemptiblest wretch that ever breathed; born naked, and born to a naked Fortune: yet, for all this, thou canst not live so naked as thou were't born. Thou wantedst then the strength of those active faculties which thou now enjoyest, appearing then so helpless, as thou wantedst Native Supplies to help thyself. Tell me; what wantest thou in thyself, unless thou want the enjoyment of thyself? And, what is it that deprives thee of this essential Liberty? I shall briefly inform thee in that, which may infinitely improve thee. There is a web in thine eye; which attracts unto it the steam of Envy. This brings thee to expostulate too arrogantly with thine own thoughts, and to over-value thyself in the Balance of Native worth; above others whose Descent or Providence has raised them to more Wealth. Let not this grieve thee: these may harbour more needy and beggarly thoughts than thyself; unless Discontent have thrown thee below thyself.  
It is the property of humane felicity, to involve those who hug it, in mazy and inextricable precipices of misery. Forerunning times do not only afford us plenty of Tragical Examples: but if we look homeward, we shall find variety of such deplorable Objects and surviving Precedents of Our own. Such, who have tasted bitterly of this Wormwood-Lecture, and sensibly felt how the grandeur of Surreptitious Honour, purchased more by the hand of Fate, than any visible act of Merit, has become destructive to the Safety of the Pursuer, and an inevitable Snare to the Enjoyer. For, having their wings once dipped in the Birdlime of Ambition; the more they struggled with it, the more they were enwreathed by it. A serious Consideration of our own Condition would perfect the Work; and fortify his Resolves, who in the Eye of the World is most despicable, against all the insults and braves of Fortune: nay, make him such a Complete Man, as his outward contempt may beget in him an inward content. The Way is short and easy; and not only so, but of a daily presidential occurrency: there is no corner in any Street, nor walk in any Field, that will not afford thee a Receipt; the fault is thine, if thou make not Application for thy Cure. Thou art sick to see others whole: and in opinion most poor, when thou seest an other rich. This is a dangerous Eyesore, and requires a sovereign Eyesalve. To have one's eye evil, because an other's good, is an Emblem of extremest envy. To bring thee then to partake more of Man than Satan, for no fury more Satanical; wheresoever thou sojournest, look not upon the state nor style of the mighty; but on the shroud, and skrip of the needy. Not on the Highest, but on the Lowest: and then balance thy condition with his. Peruse this Lecture seriously, and it will highly improve thee. Thou hast received more than thou deservedst: and in an ampler manner, and greater measure, than those who were much better. And know thus much, for no knowledge more advantageous, that by getting Mastery over thyself, thou becomest Master of the whole World: And though thou be but a Little One, yet by reducing those Passions in thee, and making them loyal subjects to thy Sovereignty, the Commander of the Universe, as HE styled himself, might not compare with thee. He is no Peasant but a Prince, who can subdue himself, and make him affections his Vassals.   

III. Advice to a Landlord.  
YOu are a Man in Command: and a petty Prince within your own Manor. You say to one, Go, and he goeth: and to another, Come, and he cometh. Do not abuse your power. Confine it, lest you be confined by it. It was an excellent Lesson; and if you follow it, the practice will redound much to your benefit. Live after that manner with your Inferiors, as you would have your Superiors live with you. It would disgust you to be insulted over by another: Observe the same Rule, it will guard you in your height, and secure you from hate.  
There is no danger more incident to Greatness, than to be blown up by the Bladder of their opinionate grandeur; which with a Lethaean draught, brings them to forget their friends, but themselves most. It is Honours that changeth Manners; and in short time thaws those Manors which changed their Manners, into nothing. Promotion is a perilous bait to an insolent and inconsiderate spirit: who can better lord it, than define it. He no sooner begins to nible, than the Hook fasteneth on his Gills, exposing him for a Prey, to what he meant to make his Prey on.  
There be two menacing Shelves, which it were fitting Persons of Quality and Command in their Sea-Fare, should be cautious of: 

1. Light Counsel.  
2. Loose Company.    
Of these I shall advise our young Masters, who, Lapwing-like, be newly crept out of the thin shell of their Guardianship, to carry their eyes about them, and by timely prevention divert a surprise. It shall be your fortune sometimes to encounter such Counsel, as under shady and plausible pretences, seconded with Ceremonial Protests, will go along with you in the quest of your own fancy. These cunning Coy-ducks are so well trained in the Discipline of Youth, as they have got the Art of Diving, and in the next place of complying with any humour: and to mould themselves in all Formality, to their temper. If Sensual, Sense is the only string they strike on. They will Chalk out a way to this Prodigal Sensualist to complete all his illimited desires, by satisfying all his Sense in the Epicureal enjoyment of one Night's dalliance: whereof a debauched rioting Ranter, within the Walls of this City not many years ago left to Posterity a fearful Example: bestowing on his five Senses on one Night, by the persuasive suggestion of his vicious Consorts, five hundred pounds: Which profuse spending brought him to leap at a Crust before his dying. Thus did this lavish Landslord by his over-eager hunting and hugging of his own Humour, not only detract from his Native Honour, but by his careless course become the last of his House: Flying out of his Estate, before his wings had raised his flight to half his age.  
But though Examples be held so moving, a they ever leave the deepest impression: yet Moral Advice operates strongly upon the Affections, being rendered by a modest Pen, and without colour of Self interest; being the only Coloquintida that disrelisheth this Service; making it most suspected, where it should be most employed.  
The safest and securest way then, that you can possibly walk in, is with a circumspect eye to reflect upon your own condition; and in no wise to suffer either the pravity of Counsel, nor corruption of Society to have that influence over you, as to misguide you, or make you swell above yourself; which many have done, and willingly perished under their own weight: and fatal is that Burden which crusheth down the Bearer. Let me then advise you (for your attention to it may be infinitely useful to you) not to magnify yourself in the Priority of your Place, nor Precedency of Command. Your Tenants be your Oeconomick Servants; play you the part of a discreet and temperate Master. Make them yours by the Cement of Love, not the extremity of Law; for that were the way to crush them, rather than cherish them. They hold on you; uphold them who rely on you. It were very rare to see indigent Farmers to have a thriving Landlord. Oppression is such a Ring-worm, as it spreads all over the face of his Estate, and blemisheth the beauty of it. If your desire be to live well and happily, let them live well and peaceably that are ranked under you. That Master either imprudently or parcimoniously manageth his Family, who suffers his Meniey to starve through penury. What is it, or whereto avails it to command Men without hearts? The way to gain their Affections, is to acquit them of Exactions. Affability is the Adamant to attract them; and Bounty the Balm to preserve them. Dead Flies spoil the sweetest Ointments: Breathless and feeble Offices in their Chief, beget disesteem in his Relations.   

IV. Advice to a Farmer.  
YOu are called to a Vocation; and it is such a commendable Station, as no Commonwealth, whereto Monarchies are oftimes reduced, can possibly subsist without it. The Royal Pale, says the Italian Proverb, must receive its nourishment from the Milk pail. It is not so low; but that the High may derive, not only an usual Supportance, but an essential Subsistence from it. Gordian, Probus, Timoleon, and Codrus might promise themselves much more composedness of mind, and happy retirement from the various bicker of this Surging Main, the World, I mean, in their enjoyment of privacy, wherein they were educated; than the attainment of an higher Estate, whereto they were afterwards advanced. I would not, said that Tarentine Farmer, change my Cultre for a Sceptre. Content is worth a Crown: for many Crowns fall short of Content.  
Now in this homely condition, wherein you are stated, it behoves you to walk warily, lest you make your too solicitous care your greatest enemy. Be it your Principal Design then (seeing every Vocation, be it Public or Private, is measured forth by its own proper line, or dimension) to consider the aim and end of your Calling. Your sole Management consists in Manuring, Maturing and Cultivating your Ground: and accommodating your grange, the Seat of your Family, with all Accommodations suitable to a Person of your quality; concluding handsomely with the Poet: 

† 
Sit mihi compta domus; sit frugibus aptus agellus;  
Sint meà culturae praedia nota meae.  Alem. " Neat be my House, my Pastures richly grown,  
" My Cornfields tilled by no hand but mine own.  But in this care of their culture, you have an Inner Field that must not be forgotten. Your security or neglect in this, would argue your remissness of Husbandry in all.  
You have your Weedhooks, with other necessary Instruments, for ridding your ground of all noxious or unprofitable Weeds. Not a Brake, Thorn, nor Bramble, must stand in your way, to hinder the increase of better fruits. Now, Weeds are but the Emblems of Vices; just as the purest grains, or choicest flowers are the representatives of Virtues. Let no Misselto spread near your Vine; no Ivy intwist your Elm; no Darnel infect your Field. 
* Aug. Med. c. 36.  If Thou wilt Sow in the Soil of mine heart (said that Glory of the Eastern Church) the Seeds of Virtues; needful it will be, that thou first weed out of mine heart the Thorns of Vices.  
Whence you may gather, that it is your Inward Culture that conduceth most to your honour: and that good Manners lay the best foundation to any Manor.  
But, as all rubbish is to be removed, before the Groundwork be laid; so in your Cultivage, there be three Infectious Seeds, wherewith you are never to be acquainted, if ever you expect success, or a fair account from your harvest.  
It has been the constant custom of some Farmers, in imitation of that miserable Bithinian; to carry ever about them an Erra Pater, to inform their Solicitous Knowledge what years are, by that erring Divination, probably conjectured to prove dear, or cheap. If dear, the Farmer, to increase his profit, makes it his Design to raise the Market, by digressing from the Course of a Farmer, and playing the part of a Forestaller, or Engrosser. But this advantageous Contractor of Mammon, many times disinherits him of his future hopes in Zion: when his mouth shall be filled with gravel, how empty shall those Barns appear to his infinite thoughts, which were lately so much enlarged? Let it be then your happiness to confine your desires, by making them suitable to your Calling. Covetousness is such a spreading Tetter, as it blemisheth the favour of the Owner. The Postil of Content is an excellent Lesson; not only to improve, but complete the Work of your Vocation.  
There is another Locust which feeds oft on the fruits of your Providence; and seizeth on you when least suspected. You see your Neighbour's Pastures look more cheerfully; his Cornfields promise more plentuously; his Vineyards, Hop-yards, with whatsoever else may appear most commodious, increasing more fruitfully: and these beget in you Envy. Estrange this from you; let your eye rejoice in the Welfare of your Neighbour: it will redound richly in Success to your Labour.  
Lastly, should Passion transport you, may Architas temper lessen your Anger, who told his lazy Hind, He would have beaten him, if he had not been angry with him.  
Be it your care to continue and end the Lease of your Farm for Life, with this constant Rule, To keep a good Conscience in all things, both towards God and Man. Acts 24.16.   

V. Advice to a simple Country Curate.  
I Am doubtful now whether I speak to a Mechanic, or a Scholar. If to the former, a good homely Homily is the highest pitch of his Divinity: which, having read Understandingly, Distinctly, and Audibly; he rests confident that he has sufficiently performed a Curate's duty. Small Tithes exact small Pains. These Places be for most part bestowed on such, who remain destitute of all Places: And like some poor maimed Hospitallers, become ravished with Devotion; not so much with it, as to it: being forced thereto rather through need than zeal. These, as they know not what metal Latin is made on: so their greatest study is (unless it be the Art of catching of Flies with Domitian, or some other trifling pursuit) to keep their shallow Sconces warm. Numerous Nightcaps must secure them: for those Night Mounteroes' reach to the highest purchase, unless it be a neighbourly-morning Noggin, which wheels about with much cheerfulness: drilling along with no less freedom in frivolous impertinences.  
For the Curate, as it is his least care to Teach; so is it in the lowest of his Fellows desires to be taught. Doctrine and Use they never heard of: and for Application, they know not what it means. Though this Countrey-Coridon Curate, never heard of a Peripatetic all his time, he resembles him much in his gradual-motion. For, he walks circularly, sits rarely; fearing, belike, it might bring him into an acquaintance with a Study; wherewith he has ever held distance, as an Enemy to his Health, and an unseasonable Guest to his House. Night-watching, intending Studies, are held dangerous; but these are such strangers to him, as he has professed to all his penurious Family, that they shall never trouble his sleep: nor procure disquiet to his ignorant Meneiy. Now, to acquaint the World, that he partakes of a Scribe (for his creeping thoughts fall many paces below a Pharise) his illiterate Girdle is constantly furnished with Pen and Inkhorn: which he usually employs upon occasion (and with a glad welcome entertains he such occasions) of making Last Wills and Testaments; whereof, though he retain some antiquated Precedents, he acts so illegally, and errs so egregiously, as his Pen occasioneth much expense: As many Lines; so many grounds of Suits. Much like the Spanish Curate; who could set down large Legacies, but find no means, from whence those Legacies should arise. The Annual, Revenue of these Contingences, though they be but small: his hopes are, they will prove more permanent than Tithes. These have been ofttimes questioned, and whether legal or no, stoutly and strongly canvased: But his Instruments never, unless by the Testators, and that concerned not him.  
This unscholiastick Curate, as he never took breath from an Academy; So it is vehemently to be suspected, that he was some Mechanic Bungler, before he was raised to the Degree of a Reader: which you shall easily discover by the Impression, or colourable Character of his finger; which usually leaves the mark, or badge of his Profession, upon his Homily, or accustomed place of his Reading. The Privilege of his Ignorance, being no Companion to late Studies, secures his Person from three notable inconveniences. For, in the first place, it is the least of his fears to lose his sight with too much Reading; or lose his wits with too long plodding; or be taxed of maintaining either Scism or Heresy, by his subtlety in disputing. Besides these three Assurances, he has one advantage more above the Rank of his higher qualified Brethren: for, as his Patron needs not fear any Lapse, so his poor Clerk stands in no fear at all of a Competitor: so bare is the Pasture as he's an hungry Pastor that would seek it: Yet were it sitting to help him, by way of Advice; though he need small assistance for gathering his Tithe. The Advice I shall give you, my Shallow Teacher, shall be this: You pretend to no Learning in the Pulpit; do not senselessly vapour it in the Alehouse: For a Puppy to act the part of a Rabbi, were a daring fancy, or madding frenzy, which would admit no office in the Sanctuary.  
If you mean either to save yourself or others by your Book; deliver nothing by the Book. Sow no Pillows under your Patron's Elbows. As you are taken for an ungifted and unordinated Man; be it your Gift; while others Preach, but will not say the Lords Prayer; to say the Lords Prayer, though you cannot Preach. Neither must you in this Trace the steps of that Timing Preacher, who to please the Lord of the Manor, was persuaded to continue his Pater Noster, so long as his Patron continued his ten pound Pension: which was an Action of Price, but no Devotion.  
Be it your care to be of the number of those Ignorant Ones, who catch Heaven by their honest Simplicity; rather than those Learned Ones, who purchase Hell by their too subtle Curiosity.   

VI Advice to a Country justice..  
WE are now to give Advice to One, who, by virtue of his Place, if that virtue be not vitiated, nor the Eminency of his Condition debased, might pretend justly to the Power of a judicial Monitor, in giving Advice unto others. But seeing how no Progress incountereth with more dangerous Byways, than the Circuit of justice; our design shall be this: First, to propose a Directory in the Course of his Proceeding; and in the second place, to caution him of some perilous Occurrences, which not declined, might engage his repute to an irreparable contempt, and his judgement to an apparent disesteem.  
Neither is it our meaning in this Draught to enlarge our Discourse, by defining, or dilating on the Office of justice: seeing there be more Subjects under that Notion published, and by that Title distinguished, than usefully observed, or practically administered.  
His Division was well approved, who, in his Itineray held, that the Duty of a justice wholly depended on these two particulars; 

1. Execution of Justice;  
2. Exhibition of Mercy.    
In the former, Consideration is to be had of the Quality of the Offender. Hope of Conversion in a young bashful Transgressor, not only begs, but exacts remission: at least a mitigation of Punishment, in comparison of an ancient Offender, whose habitual misdemeanure has made him a stranger to Hope, and a Decoy to the follies of our Time.  
This Distinction requires great Discretion in a Country justice: Let me then advise him, for his better avoiding of a more dangerous precipice, to clothe his countenance sometimes with a cheerful aspect, and show a mild spirit to a penitent Peccant. Let him act the indulgent Barnabas, rather than a severe Bonarges. No Son of thunder; but of a calm and compassionate temper: Especially, where dispositions appear far apt to be won by mildness, than reformed by roughness: For, these menacing and violent Reclaiming, do generally harden, rather than soften an indulgent and ingenuous nature.  
I have sometimes heard of a fiery-furious justice, who usually breathed nothing but Whipping and Commitment; and from the Authority of his Place, publicly protested before the face of the Country, That if he might be designed any long time to sit on that Bench, he would so secure the Country from Felony, as a Bush should keep a Sheep; Yet, that very night, was an Ambush laid for this severe justice's Horse, and stolen out o'th' Pasture.  
Whence we conclude with that Excellent Moral, That Justice mixed with Mercy wins most hearts, and reclaims vice best. Draco's Laws being writ in blood, dispatched more than they reformed. Yet shall I ever firmly adhere to that Position: That too much indulgence shown to the Evil, redounds ever to the prejudice of the Good.  
There be three fearful Eyesores which darken the Light, and blemish the Sight of justice.. Amity, Enmity, base Lucre, by prostituting Justice as a Mercenary Commodity. This caused the Athenians to Emblematize justice with Blind Eyes, and Lame Hands. Blind, that She might not distinguish Persons: Lame, that She might not receive Bribes. Whence our Country justice may collect, how derogatory those Noble Assertors held it to be to their Profession, to corrupt Justice for Reward; much more to divide Stakes, or admit of Sharing with their Puny Clarks.  
Now to complete him; that he may appear not only a Reader of Statutes at Large, but an approved Practiser of what he Professeth, we shall present to him such a Precedent, whose Example, if he imitate to life, he shall need no other advice to direct him, no other line to regulate him. His resolution in the course of his Profession was this: I have offered my Sacrifice on the Altar of Themis: and I mean to perform what I have already professed. Mine Ear shall be open to the Orphan's Cause; mine Hand ready to wipe off the Widows Tear. Active shall every Faculty be to promote Justice, remove Injuries, and to render every one his due. Observe this exactly, and you shall acquit yourself, not only a justice, but a Patriot of your Country.   

VII. Advice to an Heir.  
HEre am I to bestow my Advice on an Heir; or a Thing that partakes more of Air than any other substance: Yet furnished with substance more than enough to pursue feathers in the Ayr. Give me leave now, after the long-wished departure of your Father, to offer to you some Directions, which the heat and height of your vast hopes would never till now afford you time to consider.  
Now, in your Entrance into the World, this gorgeous Theatre of humane glory; where, if you please, you may act the part of the Prodigal Son, without hope of returning to your Father: I should advise you to take special care of your inward cure. You think all is well with you: and from thence ariseth your greatest danger. A disease insensible, is ever most incurable. Youth is a malady of itself, till it be purged of those malignant humours which deprave it: and strengthened with such Sovereign Receipts as may preserve it. But, to no condition is youth more troublesome than to his, who is advanced to fortunes. Every Place to him is a Snare. No object of Beauty, but an attractive Lure to Fancy: and an Ingredience to a Frenzy. Various faces beget in him distracted affections. Privacy and Retirement breeds in his troubled thoughts sundry discontents. He understands his Pupillage to be past, and that he's become his own Guardian: which makes his Cinque Ports so weakly guarded. For Acquaintance he needs not hunt after them; the report of his overswoln fortunes plays the Coy, and brings them in Shoals to his Storehouse: And these angle cunningly after his humour. They will oppose him in nothing that may delight him. He must be their Prince so long as his Conduit flows: the decrease whereof he either minds not, or disvalues. Thus is this Paphlagonian Partridge no sooner sprung, than catched in every Spring.  
Yet though he has lost himself, we intent not to lose him; so long as there appears the least hope of retriving him, or any probable means of recovering him. Let us then apply a timely cure to this violent distemper.  
I shall not wonder much at his boundless expense; it hath been ever observed, that a great Scatterer is the usual Successor of a great Gaherer. We may imagine that this young Heir had such a Providor, as he left him a Nest well feathered, before he adventured to flicker in the World. All was got to his hand; which made him more ready to spend, what never troubled his sleep to get, nor wrought upon his providence to keep. He has heard, perchance, his Father say, that he had taken more delight in Sparing, than ever his Heir could do in Spending. And to make an Experiment of his Father's Observation, he meant to take a Trial in this Seed-fur of his fortunes. Now, what is all this but a Career of Youth; an Excursion so familiar, as it grows quite expunged out of the Catalogue of Serious Errors? yet some Receipts must be used, lest too much indulgence abuse his youth.  
Go to then, Wilde-Oats, we must of necessity deal a little roughly with you: We are to enjoin you a restraint. And Confinement being so Common a Censure, cannot abridge much the pursuit of your pleasure. Retain that Maxim, for it holds infallible: One months' liberty depraves Youth more, than a whole Years discipline will reform. The benefit of Retirement, and recess from Society, we shall not need to press much, variety of Instances may illustrate it. Grave and Reverend Patriots have we had here within our Pale, whose Native dispositions moulded them Libertines; but by a prudent coercion of their straying affections, they became high improvers of their Knowledge; and in the end, such expert State-Pilots, as they were held fitting to sit at the Stern of the State. This it is, at retired hours to read men; not such as the freedom of folly has acquainted you withal; for those were attractive Lures to train you to lightness: and expose your malleable nature to all looseness. The Perusal of those whom I recommend to your choice, will season your youth so maturely, as folly shall become a stranger to your fancy: All Extravagancy a Reformade in your family. This will make you an Heir of fame, as well as fortune. Hold such an even poise in the management of your Estate, as you may constantly observe this Rule: Never to spend, where honest frugality bids you spare: nor spare, where reputation bids you spend. This shall render you discreetly generous in both.   

VIII. Advice to a younger Brother.  
NAture hath brought you the later into the World, not to your disadvantage, but improvement.  
He only appears seated above the World, who intermeddleth least with the World. He only has the Earth at his command, who spheres his divine thoughts above the command of Earth. Your fortunes have exempted you from too much encumbrance with these Inferiors: and consequently enlarged your affections to those Superior.  
From a Survey of your Extraction, you find yourself behind your Brother in nothing but time. And this redounds highly too, to your advantage. For it is observed in Births, as well as Plants, that the later growths render the maturest and fullest fruits. You know yourself to be a Cyen of the same Stock and Mould, and generally of a more purely-refined and rarified Mind: (without vanity or arrogance in relation to your quality be it spoken) if the liberty of your own disposition, or some other malignant effects, impede not the proficience of those Innate Seeds originally sown in you.  
Those Privileges and Endowments given you by Nature, to parallel the Revenues of your Elder Brother, are rich and exquisite. Pregnancy of Wit; Promptness in Conceit; Quickness of Apprehension; and Happiness of Memory in retaining. These abilities be generally entailed on you, to supply other temporary defects, which the Poet handsomely glanced at, saying: 
Nature by secret influence held it fit,  
That th' younger Brood should have the elder Wit.  What dishonour then were it unto you to debase, or debauch those Native Parts, so richly embellished, either by the foil of worthless Society, or by an ungenerous Education, which is a Second Nature, and usually corrupts the Springhead with some impure mixture? Our Caledonian Neighbour is to be commended in this (and really in little else;) where, if he be a qualified Person, he will not suffer his younger Sons to nestle long under their Mother's Wings; but sends them abroad to be Educated: and consequently by Language, Discourse and Carriage so enabled, as their Demean appears graceful, their Society grateful in all their Addresses. Which Improvement, by help of Education (if we may believe ingenuous Barclay) raiseth itself to a Story higher in his Country, than any other Nation in Europe: which he attributes to the apprehensive capacity, observation and confidence of his own Natives, in these words: For Education of their youngres Sons, the Nobility and Gentry of our Country are praiseworthy; for, in stead of Manors at home, it is their care to furnish them with Manners abroad. No convenient cost is debarred them, nor divertisement admitted them, that may any way obstruct their proficiency. Wherein their Native ingenuity, furthered by an industrious docility, acts so happily; As, what Studies soever they incline to, they prosper in them with wonderful success. None are more patient of Military duties, nor more valiant in Fight, being led on by confident Leaders. Nor do the Muses ever appear more beautiful, than when they inspire the breasts of 
* Barcley  Scots. They are capable also of City-business, and can fit their industry to any kind, either of Life or Fortune.  
But those that travel, or rather wander in a poor fashion, and rely upon no other means, than going to the Houses of their Countrymen, which are grown rich in other Lands; and demand, as it were, the tribute of their Country, as they partake not of that generous Rank, so are they most intolerable in their proud beggary.  
But there is nothing wherein they deserve more praise, than in their providing so for the younger, as they shall never need to be pinned on the sleeve of the Elder. A great fault in our English Gentry, who usually make their younger Sons their elder Brother's Falconers: or expose them to such desperate fortunes, and withal so incapable of any serviceable employment, as for want of a better way, they oftimes make the Highway their Calling. Be it your principal care then, hopeful Sir, (for so must I hold you, till vanity lose my hopes in you) that as by course of Nature through your Minority, there is left to you less, so by your pious industry you would improve it more. This will enlarge the fame of your Discretion, as well as Fortune; And raise a fair Fabric to a younger House.   

IX. Advice to a Gallant.  
YOur Profession is Gallantry: and standing on that Punto, you look to be handled more softly and tenderly. Otherwise, you mean to act the Rantor, though no Hector (for your thoughts have dispensed long ago with that Compliment of valour) in a fantastic shrug, or an impertinent vapour. Yet will not all this avert a considerate Pen from coping with your dangling Plume. Neither shall we lay our disgust, so much upon the vanity of your Habit; for that may suit with the levity of our time: as that Epidemical Habit of Vice sufficiently discovered in your fruitless expense of time. Shall we trace your Steps from Morn to Night? we shall find in your Walls and Byways a continued Night. The first Idol you adore is your Glass; wherein you court yourself in such an accurate mean, as if Narcissus were revived, and presented there, purposely to admire his own shadow. What a tricking and trimming, purfling and powdering, painting and perfuming bestow you on the Case, while you neglect the Instrument! which adulterate daubing makes Nature appear a stranger to herself. And whereto tends all this? Truth is, I may safely conclude with that serious 
* Diog. Cyn.  Cynic: If it be done for yourself, it is madness: and if for another, it is sin. By this time we are to imagine you completely accoutred for the visit of your Lady's chamber; which to your honour, flies quickly open, to give the freer admittance to your amorous encounter. Present access promiseth no less prosperous success: which, though it be sometimes in your thoughts to expedite to your advantage; yet falling doubtful in your resolves, whether to suit her for a Wife, or a Mistress, you grow cooler in your pursuit, than you were in the beginning. This troubles you more, than the recollection of your misspent hours. Let me draw near you; what do you pitch upon in this Contest? Have you weighed her? Is she too light for a Wife: and too cunning for a Mistress? Leave her, before your thoughts be too impressively fixed on her: lest she, indeed, play the Mistress, and become your Commandress. Alcides was as strong as you; and Omphale made him her slave. So imperious is licentious Love.  
But, having taken leave of your Lovesick Lady (who at least pretends so) with promise of an evening visit; your next Address must be to the Ordinary; where you encounter with more variety of dishes to give relish to your luscious appetite; than any useful discourse to improve your knowledge. Nay, should occasion be offered, (as there will be some ever who take care to satisfy their Brains as well as their Bellies) of helps that way; your Conceit, by running a woolgathering after lighter fancies, sends you away as empty as you came. Gaming, Tennis, Baloun, Bilyard, with other light dalliance, have so forestalled your unsettled judgement, as they will give no free admittance to the intervene of any Serious Discourse. Neither could any thing more be expected from you; seeing the Principles of those who had the greatest influence on you, and nearest interest in you, could make you no dangerous person for Designs: nor accurate for matter of Discourse, Your Mercer, Milliner, Taylor, and Perfumer, though they made you a neat Outward Man, they could not with all their Art so complete you, as to present you Inwardly suitable to an Intelligible Company. It is your Ambition too, frequently to visit the Court; whereto usually you no sooner come, than you are pitifully caught. Court-Baits are cunningly laid: and your youthful eyes cannot discover them, till you are taken in them. Masks, Presentments, Revels, and Reer-Bankets, have been in our calmer times, attractive Lures to gallant Fancies: which once set on fire, were not quickly quenched.  
There is one thing likewise, that you have been much noted for, in your very gate: None who passed by you, could do you a greater injury than not to observe you. Such was your conceit, that a gallant Posture could attract nothing less than the Eye of an Admirer. But this is such an easy error, as humane frailty weav's its Apology. Your thoughts in this aim at no more than a debonair regreet: And, that Man is well bought, who costs but a Salutation.  
As the Cinamon-Tree may be your emblem, whose Bark is better than the Body; so may you expect justly for most honour to be done to that part, which your esteem holds most worthy.  
Thus Sir, have you heard your distemper: and the way to cure you, is to wound you. No Sin-salve without sense of Sin. Corrosives must be used, before Cordials be applied. You are to be lanced, before the Cicatrice be closed. Your wild affections spread so broad, they must be pruned. Your Ancestors have left you a vast Estate: this should not make you a Libertine; but Liberal to those that be indigent. Would you be called a Gallant? let your gallant actions proclaim you worthy of that Style. He who goes forth to see a Man arrayed in soft Raiment, disparageth his Judgement, in preferring the Cabinet before the jewel enclosed in it.   

X. Advice to his Mistress.  
Mistress;  
YOu have got a gallant Platonic; but in relation to that Title, question may be made whether you or your spruce Servant understand it. The Style is lately minted: and strangely rendered. Plato, though he loved to go neat, he was too wise, to appear phantastickly garish: Neither was he so effeminate, as to give free reigns to his affections: though his desires sometimes closed in this period. So he might have his Eyes to read with, his conceit to apprehend what he read, his memory to retain what he had read and conceived, and a Woman with her necessary attendance to serve him; whatsoever might befall him, should not perplex him.  
Which sociable assistance holds concurrence with that best and most infallible Directory: and may serve for a Rule to every distinct Family or Society. He who saw all things, saw with his Providential Eye, That it was not good for Man to be alone. And therefore gave him a Fellow-helper. This divine 
† Plato.  Ethnic having attained the happiness (as is generally thought) of perusing the Book of the Old Law; and of conference too with the profoundest Rabbis, might be sufficiently informed touching the authority of this Precept: and so captivate his understanding to the Letter of the Law, in honour to the Lawgiver.  
But, make search through every Coast, Creek and Corner of his Platonic Commonweal; and find me one passage in it, that authorizeth you, my lovely Mistress, being Married, to entertain any Platonic, or affectionate Confident. Or any such Allowance as Alimony by a discontented Lady petitioned: or any such suit by the Court of the Areopagites, Ephorists, or Roman Conclave admitted. Defects in an Husband were in those times held so excusable to a Wife; that if the Man chanced to have a 
* Plutarch. in vit. Macrel. in Saturn.  stinking breath, the Woman, out of an honest simplicity, thought every Man had the like. No deformity could estrange their fancy, after Hymen had tied the Knot.  
Now Madam, how differently play you your Game with these amorous Coys! Neither is one Favourite sufficient for your various appetite. Recollect yourself; and value that most, which becomes a Woman best. Modesty is the choicest Ornament that Beauty can put on. It takes in more Lovers and Admirers in an hour, than wanding eyes can purchase in a year.  
I would woe thee, if thou didst not prevent me, said that witty Suitor. How many lose themselves by sending forth loose eyes? Had Dinah never straggled, she had kept her fame unblemished. It was an ancient custom among the Romans, for the Married Women, upon their first return home, and entrance into their Houses, to put off their Shoes; implying, that they were no more to roam abroad, but keep within doors. Whence it was, that the 
† Dom. po●●.  snail became the Huswives Emblem, carrying her house always about with her.  
But it may be, Mistress, you to whom I direct my Discourse, and intent my Advices, have not yet entered into that Honourable State. I will speak to you therefore as to a Maiden-Mistriss, in which rank, howsoever it be with you, you desire to be numbered: and acquaint you with some Caveats, which may highly improve you, being duly observed.  
Supposing you to be such a Person, as hath a disposing power of yourself and Fortunes; beware that you make not your own breast a treacherous Guardianess in betraying your trust. And herein your Sex oftimes suffers through too much Credulity. Pretenders to love are dangerous Orators to taking Ears. If Vows, Protests, or if need require, Decoys Dam's may work the feat, they will not fall a grain short of Perdition, to purchase your endangered affection: Whereof, should they once become Masters, They would render you of all others, the unhappiest Mistresses. No sooner loved than loathed, and in that notion lost for ever.  
But admit, Mistress, you were of another humour: and could stand strongly upon your Guard, in defiance to all Assailants. Yet suffering Death to enter in by the Windows, you may unawares make yourself a Prey to a pleasing Pretender, and become his Slave, who, with all his heart would have been your Servant. An handsome feature, I confess, is the Object of Fancy: and this it is, you say, has brought you to thraldom: and a Tyrant to yourself. Nay, so far estranged you from what you were, as it has brought you to be a Suitor, where you were before a Commander.  
By falling into this precipice, you should irreparably lose yourself. For Women to woe Men detracts from the honour of Women. This Task lies properly on the Man's side, as it is wittily made good by that ancient Arabian Aphorism: where this Question being asked, why Man should rather seek the Woman, than Woman the Man? It is answered; Because Man has lost more by Woman, than Woman by Man: having lost his Rib, he goes to seek it.  
In one word, he contracted the Excellency of a Woman in a short, but exact Epitome, who set forth his Mistress in these words: She is Modest, and knows herself. Which Precedent might make you a Complete Mistress; and your Servant fortunate in his Choice.   

XI. Advice to him that will take it.  
WE are now to open our Mindian gate a little wider, by reason of the Confluence of all sorts that are now to enter. As for those who appear so opinionately wise, as they hold themselves sphered above the Tropical Point of Advice; we shall leave them, without exception, to themselves, to negotiate like active Brain-worms in their Utopian State; where their Conclusions may pass for Current, and exempt from Censure; being wrapped up in such Cloudy Dictates, as like those Egyptian Hieroglophicks, drained from Polyarchus Cave, they surpass the understanding both of the Speaker and Hearer. 
* Nunc loqu●●●●bus, & pronunciantibus plenus est orbis: Docent quae non didicerunt. Magist: sunt, cum discipuli ante non suerunt. Hier.  May Apuleius in his Golden Ass become their Tutor: for our Genius has disclaimed the Charge of any such unprofitable Teacher.  
We intent therefore our Advice to such only, who, according to the Title of this Essay, will take it.  
Neither shall we presume to give our Advice to the Counsellor, whose Profession consists in Advice, (though much might be spoken in it) how fat fees open his Lungs; and discover his Receipts by the Eager pursuit of his Clients Cause; which Aeschines censured highly in Demosthenes' Plead: arguing an Ox to be in his mouth when he pleaded for an indigent Client, saying, Lean Fees begot Low Friends. This might allude to a pleasant Passage obviously occurring betwixt two eminent Counsellors in our time; no less facetiously answered than tartly objected: The one having received for his Fee a rich Chariot and four gallant Barbs bravely equipaged, was twitted by his Adversary, saying, Stay Brother, drive not so fast; which the other no less pregnantly than presently retorted in this sort: Give me leave Brother, I ride not Post. Covertly jerking at his Office, who by his Poast-Masters Place had vastly enhanced his Revenues.  
But so truly meriting be sundry Persons of Quality in this Profession, as their alacrity in the prosecution of a poor Man's Cause, being grounded on Justness, vindicates their uprightness from any such imputation. Let us then divert our Course from Him, and make our Application to his Client; who with a potent Purse labours to support an impotent Cause.  
Our Advice to this litigious Agent then shall be this: that he be cautious in the fullness of his Fortunes, of such Pursuits. Admit, he proceed, and by the assistance of a Crammed Purse, prosperously succeed; that Success will prove a Canker: for, by enjoying of what which is not his own, he shall ruin that which is his own; and make his Posterity suffer, through his scandalous usage of so injurious a Possessor. Many Rich Fathers have by this means made their Heirs die Beggars. A Predecessors care avails nothing, unless it be seconded by a Superior Blessing.  
Our Advice to Persons of Quality, whose Descents and Estates have enstyled them eminent in their Country, shall close in this. Let their Breeding be a Signal Evidence of the Family from whence they came. Education is the best Cognizance of an ancient Extraction. None can gather from what we wear, what we are, or what we were. It is our language and demean that deblazon us best. Metal upon Metal is false Heraldry: and so be all garish embellishments to the real Constitution of Gentry.  
We might observe even in these later times, wherein Persons of Rank and Quality are to be completely accoutred to the refinement of this Age wherein they live; how much they prejudice those Native Abilities wherewith they were at first endowed; as likewise that Splendour of an Ancient Family, from whence they descended; by being left to themselves, and bestowing the first-fruits of their time, those prime Flowers of their Youth (wherein the choicest and generoust Seeds are not only sown, but spring to their best proficience;) upon debauched Societies and unbred Consorts much below themselves. Their acquaintance with a Country Can, quickened with the pleasing Title of a Brave Lord, or a Gallant young-Master, mads them above measure. Whereas, if they frequented Company suitable to their quality, they might find with less expense, and more useful experience, what would best become them both in Places of Pleasure and Judicature.  
Now to propose them to whom we direct our Polemical Discourse, Places of Improvement; as Universities are fittest for laying the foundation; So Inns of Courts be the properest for Civil Mean and Deportment.  
The one for grounding, the other for maturing.  
Scholastical Breeding, if it rise no higher, may be accounted Pedantical; but being completed by Conference, and choice Conversation, it becomes graceful.  
There was nothing that could move Democritus to more vehement laughter, than to hear the amorous discourse of a Stoical Scholar. His Passion was presented with such unbecoming expressions, as if Pallas had been his Venus, or Minerva his Mistress.  
For Travel, it is such an Ornament to Gentry, as it affords in Table-treats a voluble tongue; whereas a want of it begets silence: unless Ignorance assume to itself so much confidence as to discourse of what it knows not; and consequently discover want of Sense, without apprehension of shame.  
An intelligent Traveller is the Expeditest Mathematician; for he carries his Globe always about him. But some we have, who no sooner lose the sight of their Country, than they lose themselves. These learn Foreign Fashions, but never how to fashion themselves. They retain the Garb, but not the essential Grace of Travel.  
But set these Shools of Learning, Law and Travel aside; if our Gentry have a thought of improving their knowledge at home (for all dispositions are not for launching the Depths) our own Metropolis, (having now recovered her long-sequestred Wits) is such an Academy, as it may furnish you with a various Society, stored with Wits of all sizes, humours and composures: Not only apt to return pleasing accents to the Ear, but rich notions to the Intellect.  
In which Alloy, if your discretion make you so happy, as to entertain into your intimacy the best: such I mean, as may rather improve you, than delude you, and by their subtle impostures, usually practised by our late Trap'nners, surprise you. From which prudent Election, in relation to Society, you shall reap this benefit: it will so clearly distinguish your quality, and in your better parts so exquisitely accommodate you, that not one hour shall pass by you, which may not highly redound to your advantage. Such Acquaintance will beget in you no Repentance. It will appear by your demean, that you have read men; the usefull'st knowledge for a Gentleman. Books are excellent means to steal away hours; but serious Consorts render you the best Illustrations on them: These return Spectacles for all Sights. Representing more true Lights than all our New Lights can render. 
* Communicable knowledge the fittingst Chairman in public Societies and private Families.  For these effuse no deceiving, but an intellective splendour, operating strongly upon the faculties of the Soul; and dilating their effects, not only to the direction of themselves, but instruction of others.  
There is an observable Error in this Nation, (which we could wish were a stranger to it;) Many of our Pen-feathred youngsters be no sooner mounted to their Father's Saddles, than they become eager hunters after Good-fellows: and to ingratiate them the more, will make them rather their Pensioners, than lose the benefit of their unnecessary Acquaintance. Their only care is, with the Cumin of their inconsiderate bounty to lure those Wild Pigeons to their Coat. Too fruitless a Charge to bestow on such a Covey.  
It were easy to make a Dish of Meat worth a groat, at a crowns expense; or to use that strict Laconian adage: It is an hard purchase to gain a Friend with the Sale of a Farm. We shall conclude him then to have forfeited his Judgement, who in his pursuit of Friends or Companions, entertains such a Choice as may admit a Change.  
A Bushel of Salt anciently was held a Measure little enough to Season Acquaintance: It were too rash confidence then to make a Companion at first sight his Secretary, or Bosom Friend. This hath been the ruin of many. Persons of all conditions may experimentally instance it.  
Now for those who are cried up for the Wits of the time; we would advise them to be well known to those with whom they converse facetiously, or vent their Conceits.  
Of all Creatures, none more dangerous than Satyrs: who, while they brush great men's clothes, they fearfully trench upon their own safety, by exposing their freedom to the various construction of the Company. Some there be, who would rather lose their Friend than their jest. But such Conceits cost too dear. These had need of many Friends, or their Wits will protest against them, and return them Bankrupts. It is the infelicity of some petulant wits to bring their Owners Heads under the Hearers Girdle, by their indiscreet Flashes. To be merry and wise is a good Rule; but many through intemperance, or too much confidence, usually transgress that bound.  
That Sage Precept deserves your remembrance: Be Stoical to none; affable to all; but open thy breast to few.  
By which means, he may sleep without fear, and awake without affront.  
Of such we may justly conclude, that they have attained to an happy Period in their Progress; who can look upon the World with contempt, and entertain their Condition with content. These can fix the eye of their Contemplation with a cheerful aspect upon Heaven, as their only Landmark. Whatsoever is below them, they hold them such contemptible Objects, as they deserve not their Interview. These know how to put in practice that excellent Advice, in shutting up the Windows, that their House may Shine. Their Eyes, those Windows of the Body must not be employed in any Office that may unbecome them. Nor any other Sense in that which may detract from her honour that commands them. Such a Regiment cannot choose but achieve brave acts, wheresoever engaged.  
It is an infallible Maxim, that he who lives so as every day were his last, must necessarily take his leave of the World without a Sigh: and entertain the Summons of Death with a Smile.  
The Consequence holds, that he who sets his rest upon the Place of true rest, neglects not his Work, but makes Spiritual Labour his Convoy to eternal rest: Such a Workman is no Idler in the Marketplace; but at the first hour of the day goes down into the Vineyard: and having cheerfully performed the Course of his employment, he makes the Evening his days Accountant: closing his nightly return with this useful question: O my Soul, what hast thou done this day? A mind so Devotionally exercised, makes the Natural Sun his Spiritual Emblem: The Sun, as it shines brighter at its setting, than its rising; so the splendour of his exemplary Life appears Clearest at his Ending.  
There is nothing more inglorious to Age, than for an Old Man to have no other Argument to prove his years, than his Grey Hairs. Like an Almanac out of date; a neglected Address, or a defaced Record, he appears in every Conference, or Passage of Consequence. Though his many misspent years have made him an Elder in the Ward where he lives: and the Revestry admit him a voice in the Election of a Lecturer; others, less old, but more ripe, supply the number; while he is left to himself with leisure enough to wipe his reverend beard, and content his weak sense with the place of a Cipher.  
These would make rare Elders for deciding Doctrinal Controversies: or Stating Cases of Conscience. What numerous emergent Errors have we known to have been broached from the Principles of such pretending Rabbis; whose reverend esteem lay only in the Colour of their Hair? Such advantage had Time given them, as their years authorised them with an ignorant confidence to set up, what the succession of many years could not pull down.  
Hence it was, that one of our Modern Statesmen, from his long Experience in sitting at the Stern of the State, wisely concluded, That he never knew any Constitutions all his time more inconsistent with a Politic State, than those which came from a Grey Head, and a Green Brain. A face of gravity made them appear what they were not; but a clear judgement would present them in their own shape, and discover to the World what they were.  
In Arguments of Discourse, the recollection of our own thoughts, assisted by the observation of others, is the only way to gain Wisdom.  
He that loves to hear himself talk, seldom improves his Knowledge.  
Many by too much talk have lost themselves; few or none by silence.  
Harpocrates with his finger on his Mouth was held the Wisest Sign in Athens.  
That Spartan Sage seriously observing how one sufficiently ripe in years, spoke like a young Man: I should have adjudged you (said he) worthy to sit in the Highest Place, till I heard you speak; but your tongue has dishonoured your age: come then down, and give that young Man room, whose downy Chin pretends more to age in his express, than you to Sense, with all your aged Experience. It is the tongue that either betrays, or improves the judgement. A Member better ordinated for Service than Command.  
Our Advice should now descend from the Laity to the Clergy; which admits sundry Divisions. But those many Scisms and Divisions among themselves, may save me that labour. Be it their Task to Preach both by Word and Work: that, what their tongue speaks to others, their exemplary life may Preach to themselves and others. A Lamp stored with such oil, will burn with pure Zeal. One Accent breathing on the heart, is worth a thousand sounding in the Ear.    

TWO CHOICE CHARACTERS Suitable to these TIMES. 

1. A Country Commissioner.  
2. A State-Competitor.    

1. A Country Commissioner  
IS an Instrument pretending to Peace; and by his long employment might effectually advance it, if his twilight Judgement could either contrive the way of composing it, or some self-interest, or partial respect (dangerous Eyesores in all Commissional Courses,) did not obstruct his Proceedings in this Pathway to Peace. Now there be two Instrumentals of this Profession, who run descant on different keys. The one would seem to know more than they do: the other to know more than they seem. It would make a Stoic laugh, were his thoughts never so cloudy, nor confined to an unsociable privacy, to observe the Posture of that seeming-wise Commissioner; how demurely he strokes his reverend Beard: and with a grave politic nod, shaking his shallow noddle, (having heard an Intergotory, which he understands not) most authentically concludes:— There lies the knot of the business. But it partakes too much Gordian for his numbed fingers to untie. Nor skills it much how the Commission runs; who bolder than blind Baiard? His confidence will bolster out his Nonsense, and make him appear to the judgement of those, whose brains were pounded in the same Mortar with his own; and whose conceits might be found by a measuring cast of equal size, a Sage Sophy.  
His return home informs the whole Family with his Commissionary Carriage; how he canvased the Cause; puzzled the Witnesses, and made black appear white to the amazement of his Hearers. So highly transported is this Country Dotterel with his wants, as he holds them for unparallelled Parts.  
It was my fortune, in my younger years, to be known to one of these Shallops; a Person of a strong-pretending design, but weak dispatch. There was nothing that contented him more, than to have an Oar in every one's Boat: his Sickle in another's Harvest. As for Commissionary Employments, though poorly versed in such addresses, this officious Pragmatist would ever make one, if either his Personal Application to the Parties interessed, or the free offer of himself would procure his admittance. It happened one day, that this obsequious Agent, who usually bestowed many days to small purpose, was nominated a Commissioner in a business of Consequence, and distance to the place of his dwelling: which quickened his morning awake for his more seasonable attendance. Yet, in his way, resolving to call on his Neighbour, a downright Boor, and never acquainted with such employments; Are you asleep, said this wise Arbitrator, that all things are so hushed and quiet about you? Yes truly, answered his Neighbour, I am taking my morning nap, for I have little else to do. O well are you, replied this Sir Politic Pol, that God has lent you so small a Talon of understanding; you may take your rest, while my abilities will not suffer me to sleep: One or other is ever relying on my head-piece!  
Now tell me, was not this a brave Arbitrary Squib to compose differences? And should many of these wise Pretenders pass the Inquisition, we might find them falling into the same rank or file: only deluded with Self-opinion, and consequently in the Balance of judgement, wherein all human actions are equally poized, deservingly slighted and disvalue. But such simple arrogance is ever most noxious to itself. He who would be thought wiser than he is, and to have those Parts which he has not, lesseneth himself in the weak discovery of those he has. jugurth had a great advantage of Hyemsal. He had the happiness to speak little, and do much: whereas the other had the property to speak much, and do little. That Client gave good advice to his Advocate, in telling him roundly, If he stood for him, let him speak materially, or not at all. Those who overdo the work, generally in affairs of this nature, pull down more than they set up: and by their Superstructure give their Adversary ground for erecting a Story higher than he intended: or upon the weakness of such a foundation he could have probably expected.  
But, such as these are fearless Bugbears in Commissionary Causes; they love to hear themselves talk; which gives occasion to their solid Opponent, to use those words with an acute, but composed passion, which Aeschines returned to Pythias: Good God, when will this long-lunged wittol leave his babbling! The only office of these self-wits consists in a fruitless appearance to their behalf, for whom they are named; but much to the Parties prejudice for whom he appears: being no less ignorant than arrogant in returning what he should, or discussing what he ought to his benefit; for whom, to his honour, he sat like a cipher, without advancing his cause for whom he stood.  
Good Causes stand in need of wiser Commissioners, or they will in a Term or two dwindle to nothing; and shape the Plaintiffs Suit to the neglected habit of a Forma Pauperis: and so leave him like Plato's naked Man, with two feet, but without feathers. A pitiful pitiless Spectacle in a Court of Justice!  
We are now to return you the character of a Spirit more genuine, and of a stronger temper. The last we presented on the Stage, spoke much, but knew little; but you shall hear one now, who, though he speak little, knows much. Empty Vessels send forth ever the shrillest sound: whereas deepest Fords stream along with the calmest course. And experimentally shall that Man find this close Politician, who takes occasion to employ him, no less full of danger, than he is of depth. He has a self-interest in every Commission: and can angle cunningly in troubled waters: and to display him in his native colour, Reward holds such influence over him, as it has power to over-byas him; by tracing the steps of Coelius, who pleaded best with his left hand.  
Such State-Cheats, though covertly carried, be frequently practised. Hope of profit, said that divine Cynic, beats strongly upon the pulse of honesty. His previous intentions may be clear and integrious; his resolves for whom he deals, rightly biased, and equally balanced; but some friendly advertisements, enclosed in gilt paper, quite turn the hinges, and drive those honest resolves upon nibbling at a dangerous attractive bait, soon out of doors.  
It was sometimes disputable, whether it were better for one, in a Case of Judicature, to make choice of an Agent, who would betray his Cause through simplicity; or of such an one, who would make a prey of him by his subtlety. Neither of them is good; but the determination of this intricate question closeth in this: whether it were easier to digest (though they be both meats of hard concoction) suffering under an apparent foe, or a pretending friend? Thus have we found you two Commissioners, both appearing, but neither worthy approving. For, as the one might by his ingenuous simplicity betray your Cause, wherein he is interessed: So might the other, by his partial-gilt subtlety, expose your credulity to prejudice, where you least suspected. To decline these precipices, no course clearer nor safer, than to make choice of such, whom your own assiduate experience, or repute of the Country wherein they live, inform you sufficiently, both of their honesty and knowledge. And distinct notions you may easily find in these, whether they in that qualification, merit your approvement or no. For, if honest, they will return you that Answer which that ancient Sage gave to his Son-in-Law, in a case of like nature: I am yours in just Causes only. Neither will these Commissioners (presupposing them honest) make it their only work to sit upon Examination of Witnesses (though of principal concern to their office) but to address Proposals of Peace; and pursue those Motions with that discreet moderation, as it may produce effect, unless the spirit of contention, usually reigning in litigious Plaintiffs, obstruct it: It is a grounded Maxim, that the best Commissioners be the effectuall'st Peacemakers. They erect a Chancery within themselves, and conscientiously compose the quarrel.  
As for Knowledge, being the second requisite; Practical Experience is the best Directory; chalking him forth the way wherein he is to walk; which accompanied with Integrity, completes the Work.   

2. A State-Competitor  
IS an High-Flyer; hatched in an airly Airy; apt to mount before he find wings; bred to the disquiet of all, but most to himself. For the Triumphs of Miltiades will not suffer Themistocles to sleep. He is all quicksilver, and in his career, of such a perpetual motion; as Phaeton-like, he gallops over the twelve Signs in a moment: but resolves his airy grandeur like a Squib, with the presentment of a Flash, to nothing. 
* Ambition, saith wise Montpellier, though it have a strong Constitution, it has a squeamish Stomach.  Having left the Country, breathing too foggy vapours for his queasy stomach, his resolves hold for traversing the Court: where he takes notice of an early State-Favourite, who by his timely rising had outrun him: but he means, if his designs fail him not, to win ground on him, and outstrip him too; by fishing so artfully with his golden hook, and strength of assisting Relations.  
He has so much wit as to humour the Times: and to attempt with a conscientious indifferency whatsoever may advance his own interest. But for as much as one must creep before he go; he treads the Palace-yard at first gingerly; talks demurely: and in every Posture composeth his counterfeit garb to that gravity, as if Ambition were his Alien, and Stoical Civility his Darling. But, finding the way of being great is to become popular; he makes it his only work to ingratiate himself first with the Pedantry: and by their applause, easily acquired by a graceful aspect, and arguments of bounty, to mount one story higher. Hot Embers cannot lie long raked up in ashes, some sparks will break forth, and discover their confined heat. Suppose him then entering the Lobby; where he acquaints himself with some necessary Appendices to the Court; laying his Project, how by their means he may raise his infant hopes to their intended height. And it falls out seasonably; for by their conduct he makes way for his future preferment.  
In the mean time he moves slowly. Weak wings imped with such slender helps cannot promise any speedy nor successive flight: He must not then rest here. Neither can he expect by his early rise to find any firm footing. He has read of Mazarella's fate; and by his example, loath would he be, that his forenoon honour should be crushed down by an afternoon fall: or suffer his infant-Glory to set in a Cloud. But his attentive Ears open to all reports that may any way conduce to his advantage; no less opportunately than fortunately hear of a late-mounted Lord, highly advanced, but meanly gifted. One, who by his immerited growth, having overswoln himself, makes an Idol of his Titular Honour. Yet this self-conceipted Pharisee stands in needs of a Scribe, to supply his defects; having nothing to subscribe him great, saving an illegible mould of disjointed Letters; which presents a name above the apprehension of a Reader. This Place, though far below his aims, this freshwater Courtier accepts: and within few Months, by his dextrous Pen, and the Grace his insinuation has got, he becomes too big for his Place: and what might be wondered at, Competitor to his Master: whom he ofttimes outstrips, leaving him as bare in esteem as he was of merit. But, no great Competition can be observed in this: we are to climb higher; and in our ascent make choice of such Subjects, who appear equally seated in a sphere of Greatness; but jealous of one another's rising; contrive ways of undermining them; though the issue tend to their own ruin. And this we derive from the Main Wheels, and Principal Movers in State-affairs: wherein every one sitting near the Stern, transported with the height of ambition, and immoderate heat of preeminent desires, has made a private contract by way of Covenant, with his endeared thoughts, that he will either appear absolute in his commands, or fall under his own burden.  
And to accomplish his ends (which many times bring him to an untimely end) he neglects no opportunity, nor declines any difficulty. Relations in these ambitious contests are wholly dis-valued. The nearer they be in blood, these Competitions generally procure them more hate; which seldom ends without blood. Of so high an estimate is the purchase of Honour, as it challengeth a Prerogative above affinity, amity, or what may seem dearest to Humane Society▪ Caesar will admit of no Competitor. Two Suns cannot shine in one Sphere: nor two Eagles sharers in one Prey. It is above belief to observe how Rivulets of blood, streaming from one vein, should divide their course into several Channels: and by their impetuous motion, make their influences appear so brackish and distasteful one to another. Cast your eye aside, and you shall see what a coil this State-negotiator makes, to make himself envied! Sleep is a stranger to his eyes, and Rest an alien to those fruitless Projects of his active Brain. He suspects a Foe, though he see none; but truth is, he has reason to be jealous of none more than himself. For, Ambition hath been held the only self-betrayer of her Master. Any one might justly wonder, how Man, endued with reason, and highly enabled by conference, should suffer himself to be so deluded with the shadow of Greatness: which his Experience sufficiently informs him, to be the most incentive fuel for kindling Enmity, and the greatest disturber of Bosomquiet and security. For, how should those sacred Palms of Peace flourish, where this Endive is planted? Neither is it the fortune of these rising Gourds, by their premature growth, to beget Foes; but to make Foes of their best Friends, and that deservingly: for the acquisition of those immerited Honours usually so deprave their manners, and disorder their affections, as their grandeur makes them forgetful of themselves; and with a slight aspect to pass by their ancient Acquaintance. Philotas, when his Friend, who might have formerly challenged an interest in him, preferred his Suit unto him, hoping by his powerful mediation to prevail in his address, he neglectfully rejected him; telling him," He knew him not: But after that this Petitioner had returned him sundry signal evidences of their former familiarity; O, said that high-swollen Favourite, I must confess, I did sometimes know you; but I am not the same I was then. Too much familiarity with Persons of your quality might make me lose myself: and consequently eclipse that splendour which the Prince's favour has bestowed on me.  
This it was, which made that Divine Moralist to define Honour an Imposture, because apt to delude the Owner; by moulding numerous fancies in his brain: and by too eager a pursuit, and acquiesce to his humour; which in short time exposeth his distempered Fancy to that incurable Frenzy, as he becomes his own Idolater: He holds himself secure, when most at distance with security: holding that most dear unto him, which proves his assiduate enemy. Thus in this State-Contest, it is their only labour to shoulder out one another; where the stronger wins the Prize; whiles his disheartened Competitor sinks down with dishonour: So as he may properly use those words, which Eumenes did to Demetrius: I had been equal to thee in Honour, if thy Shoulders had not weighed heavier. But what advantage gains the Conqueror by this Master-prize? A disguise only, and an undermining danger.  
His Disguise puts on a vizard of State gallantry, shrouded with converse, and acquaintance from strangers; wherein he grows an infinite Proficient, both for Dress and Language: Having got the Spanish Shrug, and the French Cringe, with all those Courtly Garbs and Postures that may most estrange him from the knowledge of his Familiars. His acquaint Compliment too has so well schooled him, as he can cross Proverbs, and tell the World that Interest can lie: For, his aims, in advantage to his own Interest, have altered his shape, by moulding him much like Tiberius, walking in the Clouds, and dissembling a guise unknown to his best Friends; seeming in appearance least, what he is is really most. But it fares with him in his unexpected fall, as it doth usually with all State-Favourites in their decline. For, as they slighted their Friends in their rising; they find none to commiserate their condition at their setting. By showing to their Inferiors a scornful contempt in their Height; they became contemptible to their deserted Acquaintance in their Ebb. His allusion was not improper, who resembled State-Competitors to Court Combatants. Whence it was, that that Heavenly Dog (for so Laertius calls him) being asked what was done at Court? told them, That they were tripping up one another's heels.  
Now for that undermining danger, whereto (as we formerly touched) they are most incident; they appear commonly nearest to it, when they hold themselves most distanced from it. Though Damocles Sword hang over his head by an hair; the sweetness of Sovereignty deludes him with the brittle promise of Security.  
This rising Sprig sprung up to a surreptitious growth, though numerous Competitors, like cunning pioneers, labour to undermine him; and his timing followers daily fall from him (for such Rats will not stay long, when they see their House fall to decay) but in quest of better Masters swim with the stream, pursuing the current of that time, which may afford to their hungry hopes most advantage. Yet this secure Favourite, I say, is so belulled with the Lethargy of his expiring honour, as he takes no notice of these previous signals, nor divining Notions of his ensuing ruin: but conceits that he has clipped the wings of Fortune, and that she has no power to fly from him. Mean while, his feathers fall from him; finding by degrees that his seam-rent Estate falls neither under any Predicament of quantity; nor his declining Honour under any Predicament of quality: but both shrunk down into a desperate precipice, without remedy, or hope of recovery.  
And so good night Competitor. The Courtgate is shut, and no hope of admittance.    

A FANATIC  
IS a State-Empyrick, who pretends, and prescribes too, sundry preposterous, or adventitious (and to himself most advantageous Cures) to all diseases, but effects no Cure. Yet the unbounded impudence of this Mercenary Mountebank is such, as he must of necessity passed his poisonous Bills on every Post: and like a cunning Impostor, disperse them in every blind Corner.  
He pretends to Architecture, but acts more for Superstructure than Foundation. He would play the Navigator too, but without direction of Card, use of Stern, or Rudder: which must no less necessarily, than fatally, expose his misguided Vessel to an inevitable danger. He has such Airy Crotchets in his Whymsicall brain, as he dare not safely discover, lest Common Sense should convince him of Error: notwithstanding all this, he holds fast to his Fanatic Principles, and maugre all opposition, scorns to bough a foot of ground from his groundless Positions. He partakes of no Humour less than Loyalty: having professed himself a Mortal Enemy to all Rules and Rights of Sovereignty. Yet should it be left to his Choice to give Laws to a Nation, or Mould Principles for the Settlement of a new Government; what an Utopian State would he shape us? Our late cry'ddown RUMP would appear a rare Commonwealth unto it! He's a Bird of so changeable an Airy, as he cannot hold to one Nest: Neither can he for a World make his latter hour an approver of what he resolved on in the former. He attests his Life to be a constant Duel; wherein for want of a Combatant, he will not stick to present a Challenge to himself: and engage his own Person to be his own Assailant, aspersing a dishonour on himself, should he chance to fail in answering this self-quarrell: being incomparably at more distance with himself than any other Creature. Were he a Master of Music he would fix much upon Airs, wherewith his unsettled brain is more than sufficiently stored. His only Musical Lecture would run wholly on Division; the highest Rhapsody of his Fancy. He holds it an impossibility for any Commonwealth to derive its Essence of Government from Order: He finds no such Rule in his Syntaxis. For recreation-sake he loves Fishing, but it must be in Troubled waters. Wherein if it be his fortune to catch any nibbling too greedily at his Bait; he handles them, and hales them to that Precipice, whereto his distractions have irreparably thrown him. By this time, his irregular impudence has dragged him to that desperate madness, as he starts at the name of a KING, as if it were some Prodigious Title; and so it has ever appeared to his Anarchial Conceptions. Would you have him discovered in his own posture? Trust me, he were a rare Limner that could do it. Protean shapes cannot vie with his for variety. Sometimes like a melancholy Don, with his arms a Kembo, he walks as if he went to quarrel with his own Shadow. The Air breathes unkindly on him. The Sun too untimely clothes his Beauty in a Cloud, purposely to dis-relish him: nothing suits well with his humour, because he personates to life a Man quite out of his humour. But truth is, he has lost himself, by losing the Issue of his Designs. Either was his Plot too high for his Pate, or his Pate too open for his Plot, as both failed him in his hopefullest addresses. Again, should you see him in the Career of his successful Projects strut along like a Man of a new mould, or rather like one made up of Wainscot, you would take him for a nice Representative, formally modish all o'er; for as his look appears so supercilious, as it redarts every eye with a scorn; so be his joints so inflexible, as they will submit to no Civil-Salute. But thanks to his sinister Stars, seldom, or never be his hateful Assays accompanied with such success, as it may afford him occasion long to rejoice: or for Good Men who abhor his Designs greatly to repine. States appear ever in their fullest Orb, and highest Splendour, when this State-shark by a vertical Swinge, is at his lowest Ebb, and quite driven out of his humour. Neither yet could any Sage, or apprehensive Head-piece hold such a Shallop as this, a Person of considerable danger to any well-managed State. For, observe him generally, and you shall find him without much Scrutiny, that though he make villainy his Minion, and Treachery his Bosom-Companion: yet he becomes so unfaithful a Secretary to his own Counsels, as they either betray him, or he circumvents himself by discovering them.  
It was my fortune sometimes to be known to a Stirring Spirit of this Leven; who, beside his transcendent dexterity in designing (the prime faculty of this latter age) pretended to be a Person singularly gifted in the smooth art of a Penman; and to complete the work which his Address shaped him to, he had a Reserved Character of such intricacy as none ever attained the Use, or Clavis of it beside himself. But see how far he went beside himself! For that artful secrecy whereof he was foolishly confident, that by the Agency of his Rebellious Sectaries, might procure him a badge of honour (as the Tide turned) twicht up his blasted hopes in an halter. This was a fanatics fate of high prize. May all such who ne'er leave a Civil State without a Flame, Perish in the like Nouze.  
Now to distinguish him, and display his native quality in his own posture and colour; I shall give you the trouble to render you this troublesome Creature in a clearer Character. That as the Leper in the Old Law was to proclaim his dangerous Infection, by crying out, I am unclean, I am unclean; or, as upon the Door of any Person, whose house was visited with the Plague, this has been, and is usually writ in fair Rubrick-Letters, Lord have Mercy upon us: so this Contagious Member, whose Factious Nature outstrips the malignity of the worst infectious distemper, may be publicly discovered, and his hateful Society timely avoided: which, unless severely censured, might bring to that State which he labours to imbroil, an Epidemical Infection.  
It is neither the least, nor lowest of his mischiefs, wherewith his seditious Forge is plentuously stored; of having the faculty of playing the State-Libeller: And he holds correspondence with his Instrumental Ingles to disperse those Tart Papers. Wherein it is the endeavour of these Fanatic Malcontents to vilify the Quality of those Persons, whom in Loyalty they are obliged to serve. And, from whence Originally springs this Anarchial Spleen? Either from a private disgust, of being crossed in the pursuit of their Preferment; which their daring confidence brought them into an easy belief, that their Parts, and Qualities well deserved: or from an imbred hate to such who were preferred before them. This begot amongst the ancient Ethnics that ingenuity of fancy, in their height and heat of Ambition, and violent torrent of Competition, as they in short time practised the art of teaching their incaged Birds articulately to prate, and in their taught Diallect scornfully to jeer their Contestees, whether they were in quest of Fancy or Honour. This it was that made that egregious Buffoon of Mantua to prefer a Bill of Indictment against a Scandalous Bird, as he called her, for impeaching his Fame; for which damage, said he, the roguish Bird could never make him amends. But we have here other Fanatic Fools to supply the office of those Canting Fowls, who play the Nightwalkers (for their works hate the light) making it their only design to asperse dishonour upon Persons of Honour: nay, to blast Sovereignty with an ignominious touch; purposely to weaken Loyalty, by alienating the fluctuant affections of such Timists from their Allegiance; whose malleable temper might have proved sound enough, if those poisonous Ingrediences had not corrupted their Principles. And to effect their Essay, it is the usual Custom of these fanatics, to lay plausive, and attractive Baits to catch those unwary Novices. Privileges of Right; Liberty of Subject; and a Levelling Line, Chalking forth a way to the freedom of a Platonic Common-weal, are specious inducements to State-Libertines. They are weary of the Yoke of Subjection; and hold it an Egyptian Bondage; till a legal Censure, or some other Contingency (which must be of a corroding quality) reclaim them from their folly.  
Truth is, this Fanatic, whose ranting humour convicts him a Frantic, having already forfeited his Wits, and exposed his Interest to all hazards, has so desperately suffered that small pittance of judgement whereto he pretended (if any were extant) to be overswayed, and overswoln with Passion, as his distemper admits small hopes of recovery. Neither is this turbulent Spirit only predominant over him; for it has begot in him such a self-opinionate madness, as he would hold it a madder Parliament than that ancient Session at Oxford, if he were not made sole- Chairman in it: yet were he designed for that Place, he would vary so much in his distracted Judgement, from what he had formerly stated, as if he had gone to Bedlam for some new advice. He would play his part bravely with the Antipodes: for it has been ever his course to walk in a Tract contrary to other Men: resembling none so nearly as Damocles, whose use it was to sweat in the Shade, and shake in the Sun. He is naturally affected to no humour more than an unsociable kind of Stoicism: and would gladly play the downright Cynic, if he had so much wit as to present the Moral Dog in his right posture. But, having neither read Books to inform him, nor Men to improve him, he falls off pitifully, discovering his defects in all. For all this, that un-steady Anvil of his Brain must be always set a-working; which, though it prove no less useless to himself, than obnoxious to the State; that day passeth not over his head, which affords not new matter for some occasional Project or other: but so imprudently carried, as in stead of the States, it falls out happily the Projectors Traitor.  
Shall we now suppose this Grand-Gull catcht in his own Gin? But let him expect no Reprieve, nor least hope of Indemnity. That Politic Tiberius who could walk so covertly in the Clouds; and disguise his designs beyond the reach of discovery; after his detection, and detention of some notorious Persons of this quality, though he were much solicited by his nearest Favourites for their enlargement, he returned them this unsatisfactory Answer: Lions and Leopards may be kept in their Grates without fear; but so cannot these State-Whifflers: for those wilde-Beasts are satisfied with their prey without further designing; whereas these Tame-Beasts pray upon the fat of the Estate, and act our Ruin by their undermining.  
Designs come from Reason; which no Grate can confine: whereas Creatures governed by sense are by restraint secure. Whence we may gather, that no Art, nor Experiment, be it never so exquisite, may apply any Cure to this Sore; nor Cordial to allay this Malady (acting so strongly for disloyalty) saving that Licinian Cord which prepared a nouze for a Fanatic Neck, to secure that endangered State from the attempts of a bosom Foe, and fatal issue of a grounded fear.  
In his perusal of those Divine Counsels, which should (if his Brains were rightly settled) have especial influence over him, there is no one Precept he relisheth worse, than that of Fearing God, Honouring the King, and from meddling with seditious Men. It was never his happiness to be versed in these Principles, and consequently of hard digestion to his crude Stomach. He is highly discontented, both with our Government of Church and State; yet can his ravelled judgement find no just exception to quarrel with either. He has his constant Emissories, whom, if his Fortunes mount so high, he makes his Pensioners: but, in very short time they either grow weary of their Master, or he of them: the honesty of the one, or jealousy of the other procures a divorce betwixt them. Yet this foreslows not his work: he can Swim, and hold up his Head in those Waters of Division, without help; unless the Bladder of vainglory hoist him up; which by a fatal overture unexpectedly, makes him Sink under his Burden, by entangling himself in the weeds of inextricable ruin.  
The only News which take him in the reading of any Diurnal, is the Variance, and Dissension of States. No Countrey-Cormorant can delight more in the prediction of a Dearth, than he of a Prince's Death: or some dangerous imbroilment in the mis-management of Public Affairs. He makes himself most known by three discoveries; Habit, Company, and Discourse. In the first as fantastic, as his Brain is Fanatic. Some acquaint humorous device or other must help to distinguish him by a special Badge, or Cognizance, from Persons of other Subsistence. We have had here domineering among us our Titere Tuu's, and Bugle Blew's. Hector's, and Blades of Metal these pretended to be, and, without doubt, had proved so, if their Courage had kept Correspondence with their Countenance. But these two stood at such distance, as Camp Valour, and Carpet Honour could not in their Scutcheons show more difference. None more generally daring in tongue, nor more provoking in affronts, nor less performing in actions of Challenge. That word of reputation appears at first sight a Notion of high Consequence; Life is but a vapour in Competition with it: yet will they vapour out, rather than engage their Persons for preserving it. Opinion is as close to them as their Garment: Both which they usually put off at night: but the change of the one is at more charge than the other: the one may keep its place, while the other is at pawn. Where the disposure of his Raiment, in all men's esteem, redounds more to his honour, and renders him the sweeter savour: for his Opinion is distasteful to Common sense, while the Credit of his Habit lies in Lavender.  
For his Company, he makes choice of such, as none would make choice of but himself. Whether ancient Separists, or fresh Proselytes, they are bolted from the same Bran, and unleavened Lump, whereof himself was moulded. Birds of a Feather flock together. A dangerous Communion (trust me) for a Civil Society to mix with. These, for want of better employment (for base Stuff cannot be vended, nor to the Broker's disadvantage more exposed) pull out their wild, and illiterate Notes; which upon their unhappy perusal retain the like concurrence, and concordance, as their harsh, and disharmonious Spirits which Penned them.  
These, in the Production of their disjointed Annotations (if their Extemporal Spirits will spare them so much time, as to deliver their giddy Conceptions in Writing) pretend to infinite humility; yet in their Conventual Assemblies, they cannot so cunningly palliate their Hypocrisy, but a supercilious immeriting Conceit of their own Parts (holding themselves incomparably Gifted-Men) makes their Ambition burst out; and after some frivolous, fruitless disputes, without the least tincture of Wit, or vigour of Judgement, many times fall from breaking Priscian's head (a most dispensable Error) to break Peace with their own. Each of them would play the Rabbi; yet, though they be of a jewish Nature, they cannot possibly acquire that Honour; seeing neither Civil Carriage, nor Language will afford any of them the repute of a Scholar.  
Thus ends their Convention generally with Contention; their Society with Civil War, for want of Civility. Their Pharisaical Pride will admit no Shroud; an eager pursuit after Preeminence leaves them incapable of shame: undeservingly high, being of more estimate with them, than deservingly low.  
To descend to their Discourse, it is egregiously Course: Circularly prodigious, having neither head nor foot. Ridiculously impertinent, yet ever hinting at faction, to discover the malignity of their disposition.  
" They have heard how Kings are bound by their Piety, and by no other Obligation. But they hold this for no Authentic Assertion: they would have the ways of Princes chalked forth by their Line; and by their Judgement to rise or fall. They hold their Clandestine Counsels in extent far above all Arbitrary Power. This screws them up to that Confidence, as it brings them to knock, with that saucy Rocheller, at his Prince's Gate, and like one of our New-illuminated Saintlings, rapt with a Fanatic Fury, cry out: Keep not back Counsel when it may do good. Well, said the Prince, if it be good I will take advice of mine own heart, and so try the goodness of it; for I have heard, Sir, to answer to your Scripture; Take Counsel of thine own heart, for there is none more faithful unto Thee than it. This stilled the Fanatical Separist, leaving him to his Cabinet Counsel, without any farther unmannerly addresses. Again, some of these impostured Furies have such Worms in their Brains, that though they have frequently heard, how, He that provoketh a King to anger sinneth against his own Soul; Yet will not these tumultuary Incendiaries stick to exasperate his indignation, not only by their Seditious Doctrine, but by their Statizing Libels; which sufficiently manifests their Qualification, and from what Spirits such frenzies arise.  
But these may be thought to pass under the Notion of Ranters; we will return to our professed, or rather possessed Fanatic, that Mock-Sun, or New-Light; who, by his Incredible Illuminations, Inspirations, Revelations, and Enthusiastic Rhapsodies, intranceth his deluded Followers. This Glow-worm, with his deceiving Splendour, and Adulterate Fervour, holds nearer resemblance to none, than the Pharisaical Gnostick, who pretends to be as perfect as any Apostle. Or like the Frontless Mount Qank, who takes the Confidence, with a Mimic gesture to delude simple People with his Sophisticated Drugs. So this Doctrinal quack cheats his weak Auditory by the Decoy of Specious Spiritual Titles. Copper all over, though they bear an Orient Colour. These Whited Walls are all for Faith; grounding their Subsistence on other men's Works. Active Zelots in pursuit of gain, wherein they prove such useful Saducees, as they get no Proselyte without a gainful Contract. Conscience is their only Impost, which they screw up to their highest Interest: wherein they trace the thriving steps of a cunning Prostitute, who will make sure work to have something in hand before he deal.  
Thus makes our Fanatic such use of his angling, without much useful Doctrine, as his Temporal Purchase far surmounts the value of his Spiritual Practice. For this overfed Porket has been so fattened in his Sty, so highly improved in the grandeur of his State; as he is now resolved to bid his Soul take her rest. But, sleep she may in her Scism, and slumber without sense of her Sin; but rest she cannot.  
To limn this Fanatic to his full body: and display him in his native Hypocritical Quality, would require much art, and more expense of time, than a discreet Pen would willingly bestow on such an airy Subject; whose Principles disown the Interest of a Subject.   

THE BLACK ROD, A DIALOGUE.  CALANUS. ATREUS. CAlanus. 
How now Atreus! what's become of your Black Rod? Is it grown out of request? or is it your Consul's jubilee year, that we must have no more Whipping?  Atreus. 
You are i'th' right on't Calanus; it fares with me as it does with Schoolmasters at Solemn Times; who are bound by Orders to lay up their Rods for a season. But my hope is, the House of Correction will not be always shut. We have great Peccants, if they durst be discovered: and such, as by a Chemical Application would turn every Sprig of my Sable Rod into pure Ophir Gold. O the days that I have seen!  Calanus. 
Golden days, no doubt, Atreus, those were for your Office, and fit for a Comitial Service; when the Doves went down, and our Kites mounted up. Your only fishing was in troubled waters. No matter for the Spaun, so the Lobsters throve.  Atreus. 
What mean you by those Lobsters, Calanus? we had none such in our Pool.  Calanus. 
Then had your Pool fallen down: and the Good Old Cause utterly ruined without redemption. Tush Sir, your long Personal employment cannot suffer you to be ignorant of those many Ebbs and Flows which our brave Capitol, since it lost his Head, has grappled withal: and in their Civil Domestic Wars, made their Consul House (to their Honour be it spoken, being what no Record can sufficiently commemorate) for want of foreign Foes, to quarrel with itself.  Atreus. 
This is all true; But what did these brawls advantage my Place? What Fees came by all their bustling to the authority of my Rod? These Corrections which one gave another did not benefit me an hair. As one Member was ejected, another came presently elected. Like Hydra's heads, no sooner was one cut off, than another started up. Or like jacks in a Virginal, that string which lately sounded slowest and stillest, rose next turn to that height, as it vapoured sharpest and quickest. But, what was all this to my Rod? Not one word of Commitment all this while. All these being State-Delinquents, and in the highest qualification: (for two Parliamentary Apprentice Ships at least had most of those Lobsops sat at their Gamaliel Pims feet, to enable them in Principles of Dis-allegiance, maintaining Arguments of Treason to the advantage of the dis-affected party) were feathers of one Wing; and would not adventure to accuse one another: Being all Brethren in iniquity, and equally guilty. Besides, their Parity pleaded their Impunity; for Equals are not permitted legally to inflict punishment upon their fellows. Which made their Legion complete. Uncleaner Spirits could not be caften out than what they had taken in.  Calanus. 
Howsoever the World went, Atreus, that righteous Synagogue having Hell so nearly neighbouring it; and their associating Forces upon Free quarter so closely billetted, it could not want fresh supplies to recrute and furnish their State-Store-house with Complices active enough for their purpose: and highly useful for settlement of their Utopian Government, or Anarchial Purchase.  Atreus. 
If you mean of our Hell under Westminster, though that victualling Fire be hot, it were happy for some of those ravenous Kite's if they had not an hotter Fire within them. But to fill up those vacancies, which Mortality, or their mutinous spirits have occasioned, there may be moulded Supplies enough to furnish their Augean Stables with fresh Furies; and in stead of their Secluded Members; whereof, there be some, I dare positively avouch, have as conscientious hearts, though not organical ears, as any of that Pharisaical Leven can really pretend to; unkennel such a Triennial Tribe, as may make up their late breaches, and repair the defects of their dwindling Rump, to their infinite advantage. For, though one make no Number; nay, though Unity has been a long stranger to their Consumptive Assembly; yet there is a Mercury Vein that bubbleth up; and with a surreptitious heat, like another Promethean Fire, enliveneth those decayed Members; which otherwise would have resembled that frost-bitten Snake in the Fable; that had utterly perished, had not a timely warmth unexpectedly (and by the Snake unthankfully) revived it.  Calanus. 
No more Sir, I can without the help of any Mineralist, dive into your Vein. A subtle seditious Volpone as ever wrought under ground. Catiline and Cethegus were but Novices to that Politic Pioneer.  Atreus. 
It seems you know him by his Character.  Calanus. 
Know him! why, all Albion knows him for a perfidious, Perjured, Pernicious Mushroom Peer. One who has resolved his Conscience to such a Wax-like-temper, as it can mould itself to any feature. No shape but it can assume, to serve his Master's turn. Sinon was a Saint to this Gipsy. This was he, (and he shall be marked with a Theta to all Posterity) who swore away the life of the Wisest Statist that ever breathed in Brittany. I have many times wondered upon recollection of his numerous rogueries, what Privilege that Prodigy of Men could challenge to himself from evading the Censure of your Rod! His unexemplary Exorbitance, being exposed to all mischief, deserved the extremest punishment that any National Law could inflict upon him.  Atreus. 
It is confessed; and that might be conceived the only Cause why he escaped my Lash. For his imparalleled impiety might have justly holden my Black-Rod an Instrument of impunity. Higher and heavier Judgements are reserved for him; which his anabaptistical zeal, were it thrice dipped in his Fanatical jordan, might not decline, nor with all his hypocritical elevation of Eyes, possibly divert. Some of which Wormwood judgements have lately befallen his execrable Family. The Top-branch whereof was fearfully lopped off with an Hatchet of Despair; and his Chaplain near the very same time took a resolution to confine his Doctrinal Honour to the straight circumference of a Self-twisted Halter. Thus decayed the Spaun; but the Head of these Cantarides survives, which either Exile, or a fatal end will no doubt speedily abridge; by staying his course from poisoning any more this distracted State with his hateful Principles.  Calanus. 
What might the cause be of his inveterate Spleen towards the Person of Strafford; being one so eminent both for Courage and Counsel, as no State could render itself more happy, than in the enjoyment of so prudent and resolute a Consul? Surely his absolute demean might rather deserve a pious emulation, or judicious admiration, than any malignant endeavour of detracting from such a Compliment of Honour. This was such animosity in an Enemy, as it admits no Precedent.  Atreus. 
You must know, Calanus, that the Bee and Spider are of different nature. From Flowers of the same influence or operation, the one sucks honey, the other poison. What in others merited Approbation and Imitation, begot in him Envy and Detraction; the poisonous fruits of his Serpentine Ambition. It was his grief, to see Goodness grow great. Neither was this all. He understood (which was an ementitious conceit, not worth harbouring in an honest breast) that some of those Titles bestowed on him for his incomparable service to his Prince, and high improvement to the State, had relation by way of Denomination to one of his usurped Manors: from which groundless occasion, this rankling heat of that raging Rabbi broke forth into that unmanly fury, as he found a way (a way leading to Death) of dispensing with the ruin of his perjured Soul, upon condition he might bereave his supposed Enemy of life. And all this was acted in the Capitol: and yet unrevenged.  Calanus. 
He was a Person, doubtless, of high accomplishment: nay, such an one as Nature and Art might seem to have contended whether of them should have more obliged him to their endearments: So amply had they contributed in their several offices to the completing of that Statesman. So, as it was my fortune one day to hear this positively asserted in a Company of unquestioned judgements: That if he had survived the various distempers of those times, and the subtle practices of his professed Enemies, by whom he became treacherously surprised; and when he least suspected, unawares attached; he had not only secured his unfortunate Master from all ensuing danger; and preserved the safety and union of the State to his succeeding honour▪ but likewise in the management of State-Affairs, as far overtopped OLIVER, for all his juggling compliance with MAZARENE; as ever Mazarene did the short-Mushroom honour of hare-brained Mazarella. Never was Head-piece more richly stored, nor more undeservedly lopped. Which was strongly attested by that Politic Cardinal; who, upon the report of his Execution, used these words: Had that mad seditious Isle but one Wise Man in it, and could it render him no better reward, nor find other employment for his Head, than to put it up in a Bag, and confine his Wisdom to so early a Shroud! This Statesman's jeer might have brought those who were Principal Actors in contriving his death, to a deep resentment of that irreparable wound they had given to their Country, in their relentless pursuance of his Tragedy: But, hope of reward, or desire of revenge had so preoccupated their thoughts, as it had steeled them with that wild Irish ancient resolution, Never to hold themselves secure from their Foe, till they might play at football with his head.  Atreus. 
That was the only way indeed to catch the Old One: But some of those diving Didappers have since that time no less unfortunatly catched themselves. It had been much better for them to have fallen gently under the lash of my Rod, than desperately to have twisted nouzes for their own necks, as some of those Achitophel's have lately done.  Calanus. 
And it was done to their honour, for it saved the Hangman a labour. But, in earnest tell me Atreus, how will this fagging Rump be made up; how will it be pieced and supplied?  Atreus. 
I must confess, Calanus, our gelded Synodal, or Parliament. Epitome, maintains Rules contrary to the Principles of all Philosophy; for they have hitherto most resolutely held a Vacuum; whereof, though Pryn, with other more Auricular Members, laboured strongly to continue them; their opinions, (because Legal and Loyal) would not be admitted; the doors of that Self-mad-House were commanded to be shut against them, and those Excepted Members wholly Secluded; and in part so confined, as they became debarred from challenging their just and lawful Privilege in the House; which by ancient Prescription, and successive Concession, they might duly pretend to. But those few scattered Glean that remain shaking and shuddering within, have good cause to be more feverish than those who are shut out. For they cannot choose but hear a muttering of a Change: and then woe be to them if the Tide turn. For, then take heed that the Capitol be not metamorphosed into a Scaffold. Where those peremptory pragmatical Coxcombs, so much enraged with spleen, or transported with Disloyalty of spirit, must be brought forth of those Tyring-houses, wherein they have been so long disguising themselves, to act their last Parts in the closing Scene of a pitiless Tragedy, to their own surviving Shame, and Dishonour of their Country.  Calanus. 
O brave times, when Treason shall hang like a Ball in the Air!  Atreus. 
Mean time, it is thought we must call up a Francepane Fry of Green Wits, as a merry Greek termed them, to fill up that shattered Vacancy with a fresh supply of pitiful Ratlebrains.  Calanus. 
Howsoever, till that Breach be made up; it remains a Broken Company. A Consort which runs wholly upon Divisions, without the least Ear-pleasing accent of harmony.  Atreus. 
A Bankrupt Factory, trust me; protested against in every Country but our own: and in our own too, if we had as much Spirit, as we have private Spleen to discover it.  Calanus. 
This would prove a brave gainful time for you, Atreus, if the Power of your Authority were not eclipsed.  Atreus. 
Not at all Sir; The Multiplicity of Offenders would soon wear out my Rod. When the Members of a Whole House are to be called to the Bar, who will be left to censure them? They might be accounted fools in the highest measure, if they should fall flat under their own Censure; or pronounce Sentence upon themselves without recognizance of their Speaker.  Calanus. 
It is true; but have you not had sometimes Persons (and those eminent Ones) of that Leven under your Lash?  Atreus. 
Never Sir; my Black Rod observed ever that regular discipline, as it became a State-Academy for all degrees, Sciences and Professions. We had Learned Laud; nay, the little Wren could not evade my Begin; and these were my Chaplains in Ordinary for Divinity. Bacon for Courtship and Oratory. Eliot and Seymour for State-Policy. Bridgman and Palmer for legal Authority. Thus was my Oeconomy held an University, while the Capitol held up his head, and exalted his horns to the distressed Members of this Nation. These knew how to Suffer; and how to gain honour by their suffering. These knew how to kiss the Rod meekly, receive their Censure mildly, and pay my Fees freely.  Calanus. 
That was an Age indeed, Atreus, for Midas to turn all into Gold. But how came you to be so unhappily jack out of Office? you became either too high for your Place; or your Place too hot for you.  Atreus. 
O Sir, have you not heard a Story; which though it be a fiction, yet it retains a singular Moral; how Proserpina had her Misset, as well as Pluto his Cerberus; but it was ever observed that the poor Misset was hushed, and gave not a yelp, when that Hellish Mastiff begun to roar! So fared it with me and my Officials. No sooner was the High Court of justice erected, and with poor Cavaliers blood imbrued, than my Black Rod became untwisted. It was not for us inferior Groundlings to mutter, much less to murmur, when that terrible Minotaur begun to thunder. The Gibbet grew far above the height of my Rod. The Tower-Hill Axe soon cut in pieces those blasted Sprigs of my dis-authorized Lash.  Calanus. 
But now the State, like a late-recovered Bedlam, is rid of both.  Atreus. 
'Tis true; there is no Lunacy so violent, but it has its Lucida Intervalla; but one foreign drop of Coloquintida strengthened with a Spanish, French, or Imperial Ingredience may utterly spoil the Concoction of our English broth. 'Twere good to be merry and wise. But wise we cannot be, so long as we have Foes within and without us, to exercise their fury, or practise their designs upon us.  Calanus. 
But is there any such fear?  Atreus. 
Such fear, as it is fallen into a Quotidian Ague. I am sure there appear many Banks in Holland, as if they had been gilded over by the yellow Streams of Tagus, or Pactolus; and all these built up and deposited for fear of an Inland Breach, in the hands of their confident trusties, by our rich Coffemen, those well-lined Consuls of our Capitol.  Calanus. 
They suspect a change then.  Atreus. 
Assure yourself, Sir, they sweat for't: and if it proved otherwise, all our Nation would find cause to sweat; the danger appearing so Epidemical. For, though we subsist like Monstrous Members without an 
* Relating to the Raging Reign of our late Protector.  Head; yet the revolution of some few years has so habituated us to misery, as many of us are become wholly so stupid and senseless, as if we had never enjoyed an Head, nor we subject to that Head.  Calanus. 
The Fable of the Frogs and their King will be e'er long verified in us: we have been so jealous of our own; or made our own so contemptible to us; as we have given way to those who had no property in us, to pretend a Title to that which most concerned us. The sad consequence whereof has brought us to that desperate Condition, as no man may safely challenge a propriety in his own. The only way to live peaceably, is to suffer patiently: and with a pleasing smile (though there be no cause for't) to entertain the affronts of an imperious Incroacher with such indifference; as neither the Agent may take occasion of picking a quarrel at his Murmuring; nor the Patient prejudice his Cause by his remediless Contesting.  Atreus. 
We have a gallant Cowed State in the mean time; when just Men must suffer, because they want power to preserve their right. Surely, those Viceroys which we have lately had, were Mock-Protectors; for, whereas they should have protected the Subject from injury, they became so taken up with Self-interest, as they minded only their own Sovereignty.  Calanus. 
And to whom might the blame hereof be more properly imputed, than to our Degenerate Peerage? whose Descent seemed to partake more of Coachman, Page, or Usher, than the Lineage of a noble Progenitor,— These deserved your Rod more than any Delinquent.  Atreus. 
It is true; but they so innocently Courted their Peace, as my indulgence granted them ease: and deservingly brought me to the loss of my Place.   

A QUEST of INQUIRY, Without hope of RECOVERY.  
WHere's now your Burleygh, Sicily, Walsingham,  
Brave Furbisher, Drake, Hawkins, Nottingham?  
Their hushed in Clay. These that your Isle affords  
Are Silken-Civet-comfet-Curtain-Lords,  
Brisk-cringing Senators as Apias was,  
Who spent the Morn in courting of his Glass.  
THese Dimensions following were Writ in Vindication of the Honour of our Island, and those Eminent and thrice-Noble Commanders now in Employment: In Answer to a Foreign Critical Pasquil.  
Mean while, our Royal Marine Martialists fear little, but that their Albyon Embarg shall transform their Spongy Satyrs into Sea-souced Naiads: and in short time make them serviceable Negroes, to dive and fish for Pearls.   

A REPLY.  

HOld Critic, hold;— We have as gallant men  
For Valour and brave Discipline as then.  
Take a Survey of our Victorious Fleet,  
With which should Neptune with his Convoy meet,  
They'd veil their Topsails, shouting, let's give room,  
" St. George with his stout Myrmidons are come  
" To Scour the Seas; 'twere fitting we gave way  
" When Regent's of the Ocean bear sway.  
How pale does Tethis look, fearing to be  
Made Captive to our glorious Sovereignty?  
A Navy more magnanimous never came  
To slice the surface of the Ocean.  
Steered by expert Mariners; th' Event  
Must needs prove prosperous when High Descent  
Co-centre with brave spirits:— This will take,  
And make a greater State than Holland shake.  
Eye those renowned Dukes, winged with youth,  
With what deep scorn they look on Carpet sloth!  
They're all Elyxired in their vernal age,  
Hugging no News like to a quick Engage.  
These be Mars Sons, and must to Honour rise,  
While Others are for catching Butterflies▪  
Nor do I fear but I shall one day hear  
Their Fames as Large as Guy's or Godfrey's were;  
And mount their spreading Wings from Gath to Dan,  
And cause the Turk renounce his Alcoran.   

Cease Critic then; of Heroes boast no more,  
We have as Royal Sparks as e'er before.    

TO HIS KNOWING FRIEND R. P. A COMMISSIONER For The SUBSIDY.  
FRiend (for a more really amicable Title I cannot give you) we hear you are named a Commissioner for the Subsidies: wherein you may appear by your even and unbianced Carriage, instrumentally Serviceable both to Prince and Subject. For your better accommodation wherein, take along with you these necessary Cautions: which conscientiously observed, will bring you off fairly in the discharge of that Office whereto you are deputed: and return you honest; which in all Commands, Public or Private, reteins in it that high concernment, as it is principally to be valued.  
Now in the Execution of Offices of this nature, as they are justly and legally grounded, because from satisfactory Principles derived; there arise many times sundry grand inconveniences from the inconsiderate Election of our Deputies. While some ambitiously affected, pursue nothing more eagerly than to have a Name in the Roul; though they know not what to do in it, either in relation to their Prince or Country.  
To be thought Great, or Wise, is their summary End; though their indiscreet Carriage merit neither of those attributes.  
It was my fortune lately to be present at One of these Sessionary Commissions; where One of that Knowing Brotherhood desiring nothing more than to be held by the Commonty an eminent awful Man, suddenly starting up, took a great Oath, (even by his rich Plume of Feathers) that if the Subsidy Men then and there assembled did not forthwith pay in their Moneys, He would smook them. Whereto, one no less Metally than Wittily answered him: Sir, by smooking us, you may chance to sing your own Feather, and so darnish the colour of your Oath; which were a great pity, being the handsom'st thing about you. Which smart Answer begot such a general laughter in the Court, as Silence could not be procured, though often commanded, a long time after.  
Was not this fair-plumed Commissioner of a quick dispatch? yes sure, but of a weak brood; rightly numbered amongst those Hymerian Flies, or Picene Emmets, hatched before they got shape.  
These Rhadamantades, who scatter their brains in the Air, should be used like that Florentine Fool; who, holding himself the best Man in Florence, was sentenced to be Whipped out of his humour by two Dwarves, till wearied with their lashings, he no less senselessly than pitifully avouched, that Dwarves were taller than Giants; and that high Men were the lowest men in Florence: which absurdity saved him from further Correction. Howsoever, to perfect the Cure in these Airy Ranters, whom this Age looks upon as the infinitest Pretenders, confident'st Undertakers, and Profusest Scatterers in all our Island; it were not amiss if they were put to School (if capable of such useful Knowledge) before they be admitted to Public Interests. Assistants in these should not be of a low level.  
It was anciently decreed by the Ephori, in that flourishing State of Athens; that no Beardless Person, were he of what quality or descent soever, should be called as Assistant in any Public Service of State; though that was by maturer deliberation, mainly opposed, alleging, how many might be young in years, who were old in hours. How incapable then are they who appear neither old in years nor hours, for management of any Public Affair conducing to the welfare of the State? Were it not a great madness, said our Sovereign King james, (a Prince whose constant addresses were beautified with Palms of Peace) for the Master of a Team of Horses, being furnished with some of a clearer sight, to set a blind Horse before? We have store of quicksighted Men; let such be deputed, leaving these Ayry-Spirited Lapwings, who leave their Nests before they're taught to fly.  
Such flickering Birds, by reason of their untimely flight, have been ever held incapable of public employments: Persons of prudent and composed tempers are the properest Engines for such Affairs, and the discreetest Moderators betwixt Prince and Subject; by rendering to the One what he by his Prerogative may justly demand; and informing the other what he ought duly to perform.  
In your Personal Execution of which Office, you are to imitate the course of an expert and experient'st Pilot, by avoiding such perilous Shelves as may probably endanger your Commissionary Passage. These are briefly touched in the Act itself, by which you are to be directed; and expressly taught, to do nought either for Fear, Favour, or Hatred. Being the very same which our best Ethnics exactly observed in their Course of Justice; commanding, that nothing should be acted to the dishonour of their Proceedings, either for Amity, Enmity, or Commodity: Such an even and equal Scale poized the Conduct of their Actions. And this they did, without any future hope of a fruition of further glory, than their Poetical fancy of those Elysian Fields, and their imaginary Fame to Posterity; the sole aims of their Eternity.  
That small glimpse, or beamling, which they had received from the Light of Nature, without any farther influence, produced these rare effects; which might justly beget a shame in those, who more divinely illumined, though they believe an Eternity, and the End of their Creation, Supreme Felicity; fall incomparably short of those Naturalists in the Course of Judicature, nay, even of Civil Morality. Store of Instances might be returned you in this, deserving no less your admiration than imitation.  
Rake up the Records of former times, wherein true Native Honesty flourished, and Political Designs (of the Teeming Birth whereof every Nation sadly laboureth) appeared Strangers; and you shall find sundry imitable Mirrors of this kind; whose uprightness in the management of State-Affairs needed no other Annal, nor Monument to Memorise them, than the continued Fame of their unquestioned deportment; which begot to them a reverence, and an unsought for advancement in the Common-Weal where they were seated.  
As in the first place, to insist upon every particular that may obstruct your Course in the Execution of your Office, whereto you are designed; you shall find one of those Ethnics, though a firm Professor, and Preserver of Amity, neglect the sollicitancy of his Friend in an action of Favour, saying, Dear is my Friend, but dearer is my Reputation: I may have many Friends, though I lose thee; but in losing God, I can have no more: there is but one God. He is a treacherous Friend, who makes his Friend a Foe to himself.  
Neither were these less armed against the fury of Revenge. Enmity, though never so mortal, could not decline them, no more than Amity could over-byas them in the direct line and path of their proceedings. One of them could say, like a brave Commander of his own Affections, I shall account it the lowest of my Scene, to take Revenge of mine Enemy to my own disadvantage. Neither do I intend to play so much the Fools part, to engage a Public reproach for a Private revenge. He does himself the greatest wrong, who labours to right himself, by doing his Enemy wrong. In Public Places, where Offices of Justice are to be Administered, and what is due to every one justly distributed, not so much as the least thought of a bosom-injury is to be fomented, much less discovered. He deserves not the Place where he sits, who sits only to take revenge of him whom he hates.  
That discreet 
* Cleob.  Sage well deserved to be called to the Dignity of one of the Ephori, who knew (by the attest of the whole Senate) how to bear and digest injuries: and in what manner to demean himself on the Seat of justice; neither by eyeing his Friend with a countenance of Favour, nor his Foe with an intentional displeasure. Whence it was, that in Athens were set up in their High Court of Judicature, Astraeas' Scale, and Tidaeus' Shield: the one to balance the justness of the Cause; the other to support it. For Experience, our best Mistress, in the process of Humane Affairs, may sufficiently inform us; that though Justice bestow her strength and utmost endeavour, the best Cause may suffer, wanting a powerful Fortress to support her.  
There is another Shelf too, no less dangerous than either of the former; and this is Commodity; being such an universal Leprosy, as we may worthily account him a rare Man, that is advanced to a Place of Profit, or Receipt of Custom, and has got the faculty of holding his mercenary hand from taking. This self-interest is a perilous Copesmate; apt to infect where it consorts. Nay, such an absolute Commandress over this Little World, Man, as it is held the Wheel; that with its career turns the course of all his actions. O how many have inconsiderately perished by the poisonous Pills of this familiar and bosom-nursed Impostor!  
We shall little need to travel far for Instances of this kind: our own Coast can furnish us with plenteous store, and in high Place, and of eminent quality: Persons excellently gifted, who, miserably depraved by that infectious malady of corrupt Gehezi, suffered themselves to engage their honour for shameful lucre: nay, to aggravate their folly, how many have we known, who, continent enough in their own desires, through an ambitious humour of maintaining their riotous followers in a deportment above their rank or quality, have patiently endured to see themselves with open eyes palpably cozened, and abused, by those Officious Lerchers, and Licentious Lechers, to their irreparable dishonour, without gain to themselves!  
Now for this Office whereto you are deputed, much cannot be expected, because little will be offered; yet as Petilarceny by our Law is punishable, as well as Higher Felony, though in a lower quality: so there be sundry petty abuses which may usually occur, in the Execution of these Offices, which by a superior Power, deserve due Censure. And, from what source may these Obliquities arise, but from your easy connivance towards those Puny Clarks employed under you?  
These, though they know little, they can find out the way of exacting Fees, where none are due. No Discharge nor Acquittance must pass upon Receipt without advantage: wherein, though it redound to the Clarks Gain, it may be properly called the Master's Crime. Neither can I be less than jealous of the Officers themselves, but that some of them, through their indigence of spirit, will not stick to become Master-Sharers in these imposed Exactions. But, this is contrived so covertly, that they know how to wipe their Mouths when they have eaten the sacrifice: resting secure from the confidence they have, that none sees them.  
Thus the Subject not only prays, but pays for the tender of his own; returning dissatisfied in all, in that he cannot receive from the penurious Clerk an Acquittance for what he has paid, unless he enlarge the Account above what the Act enjoins the Subject to pay, or the Officer to receive.  
Such as these deserve well to have that punishment inflicted on them, which that Sicilian Rogue had pronounced on him for abusing the State with his Forgeries, and counterfeit Declarations: being Sentenced to have his skin flaid▪ and made Parchment on; whereon was to be writ in fair Capitals all such abusive Cheats as he had used: and to have it hung up in the Public Court for an Annual Record, or Caveat to Posterity▪ to deter others from practising the like.  
Neither is it to be doubted, but if due Examination were taken at this time of the miscarriage of our Officials, there might be found more than a good number guilty in this kind. Nor is there any thing more seriously considerable in these Public Accounts, than an exact inquisition after these self-interested men; whose corrupt demeanour too usually foments a disgust betwixt Prince and Subject. This the Historian well observed, saying, That Vespasian's Collectors of his Urine Money discontented the Romen more, than the Imposition. Wherein one no less smartly than wittily replied to a Tax-Master, upon his exaction of Fees: It seems, Friend, by your high demands, that we must pay more than our Water comes to: We are well contented with paying Caesar for distilling our Water, but not with you for casting it.  
These Casters are such castaways, as they ofttimes cast down the Governor under whom they live, and by whose Command they are deputed to such tempting Offices. Tempting I may justly term them; for, methinks, I hear them ingenuously confess with that corrupt Factor, They could be as honest as any Mortals breathing, if profit did not tempt them.  
Which airy excuse the notorioust Way-man may make, in defence of his taking Trade, as well as these; for were there no hope of gain, the Thief would take no pleasure in his peremptory Way-dialect of Stand and Deliver. Neither can I see why a severer Sentence should be pronounced on an Highway Taker, than a State-Iugler. Their desires are grounded on equal Principles; the only difference in their course of Practice is this: the one plays his tricks more covertly than the other. The one wears his Wizard on his Face, the other on his Breast. But much less Art is required in that Work of the Way, than Designs of the Pate. This relies much on an active spirit; that on a subtle brain.  
Now I must tell you, Sir, how I have sometimes in my employment in these Services, usually observed how the indigence of Agents, bestowed on these Affairs, works strange effects in the current of all Public Proceedings. Honesty is dangerously encountered, when accosted by Poverty.  
Ships Sail safely, and hold their road calmly, when they meet with no surging waves to combat with, nor contrary winds to play, and apply their fury on their Topsails.  
In these times, where Corruption has crept so subtilely into every Official Corner, and with a strange kind of confidence rides on its foot-cloth, as if it had got a privilege to abuse justice with impunity; it were a rare sight to see a Person of that even temper, whom Fortune cannot conquer, nor hope of preferment alter. The thoughts of a better World become such strangers to Man, as they unman him, and make him forgetful of his Primitive honour, or of rising hopes hereafter.  
It were easy to present to your view, with out any artificial Scene at all, to display them, sundry Persons desertlessly made great, how they have laid a rust on their gilded Honour; as if they intended by a just fate, through their abusive Cheats, and dangerous Designs, to throw themselves down to the dust from whence they were raised.  
These might be compared to that unadvised Numidian, who being advanced from a Flax-man to a Place of Quality; but resting dissatisfied with that Preferment, by playing the cunning Juggler, he was adjudged to have his new-purchased Honour twiched up in a Flaxen Halter, from whence he had his first Rise and Vocation.  
That wise Politician gave us a singular Caution in the Election of Persons fit to bear Offices. Never to make choice of such as are found either weak in Estate, Judgement, or suspected Fidelity. And he confirms his Assertion with impregnable Reasons.  
Cursorily and methodically then to dilate on all these, with the inconveniences that usually befall in the Election of such as are liable to any of those foresaid prejudices: In the first place, I cannot choose but call to mind the ingenuous confession of that faulty Praetorian, who being not only accused, but impeached of sundry corrupt proceedings in the Execution of his Office, appeared so unwilling to clear himself of those Crimes, whereof he was accused, as he freely acknowleged; That the Corruption, for which he became censured, sprung not from any depraved affection, but from the weakness of his condition, concluding; That he would have been honest enough, if his want had given him leave.  
Those times, no doubt, resembled these we live in: Poverty was too low a step to raise any one to Preferment. The Courtgate was shut to them who knocked with an empty hand: which our 
* Camp. In Sylu.  Modern Poet wittily shadowed at, saying: 
Curia Pauperibus clausa est: Hic solus honores  
Aulicus emeruit qui Satur aere fuit.  
He that is poor  
Must stand at Door  
Though loyal to the King;  
While One more base,  
Swollen great by's Place,  
May boldly enter in.   
It is the property of these to make use of those old English Proverbs, By making Hay while the Sun shines: and Striking while the Iron is hot. Now, would you know from whence this intentiveness usually proceeds? This ariseth from a jealousy they apprehend from their own Carriage: They fear the discovery of their actions: and consequently deprival of their Places; for depravation can expect no less than deprivation. This quickeneth their endeavours in hope to be rich: and store their ravenous Nests with others Feathers. These be those Kings-fishers who prey both by Land and Water. They take all for Fish that comes to Net: without sticking at small game before they stand out.  
And, whereas they are advertised by some of their Confidents (for these must have their Coys, or they shall play Bankrupts in their Office) that their reign is not likely to be long, in regard, the Eyes of those Counties, where they officiate, have taken Notice of their Shuffling: their only way then to thrive, is, to play at Catch-doult, and to gather up his Crumbs before the Table be drawn: and so be called to Account, before he has had sufficient time, either to receive his full share, or discharge the Audit. But in these, as in Places of higher Command, and richer Employment, Those, who cordially wish their Security, apply this seasonable counsel to their distempered brains and occasional fears: presently after the full Receipts of their racked Fees, or Commissionary Bribes, to make recourse to their Country House, and play least in sight; till the Storm be past, and the State-Inquisition run out of breath.  
But if they be found egregiously Criminal, they have Precedents in their Pockets, instrumental enough for rebating the edge of Justice. It is not so long since but they can well remember (and may those Sanguinary times be ever ached in Rubric Letters) how those plump Assassinats, who had enlarged their Babel Buildings many Stories high upon our ruins, had mounted their Banks in foreign Nations; hoping by that means, if it should chance that times should change, and Rebellion fall from itself, to support their decays by those transported, but extorted treasures, which they had there imbursed: So wise was Treason in providing for its own supportance and security against a time of Extremity.  
But their Crocodile Eggs proved addle; and their Hatchers miserable: may the like Issue befall these indigent Corrupt Commissioners, who officiate only for Self-interest, to the dishonour of their Sovereign, and prejudice of his People.  
Neither can we less than doubt but that these close Pioneres of our State, by Ploughing deep with our own Heifers, have been the occasion of sowing the Seed of Sedition in our late-imbroiled Nation.  
So dangerous it is to exasperate a Multitude in raising and levying Assesses (be they never so legal;) by prowling avaricious Officers, who make it their Vocation to abuse the Subject, to enrich themselves: and lay a Groundwork, by their seldom-thriving providence, for their succeeding, but successless Posterity. So quickly was the flame of their rising fortunes quenched, and to ashes pittilesly reduced.  
What fearful Consequences these Needful Agents have produced, Records in all times will manifest.  
High Taxes are sufficient foments to Division, without such offensive Instruments, who too often estrange stirring spirits from their Allegiance.  
Neither be those to be made choice on for Commissioners, in raising, ordering, and collecting of these Subsidies, or any dispensatory Act, who are of a weak or shallow judgement.  
These may be Men of a good meaning, but wanting discretion to manage their meaning, they suffer themselves to be involved in many inextricable Windings, and gross Errors; which their easy apprehensions and indulgent humours expose them to: being so unable to proportion a Charge, as they usually lay the heaviest load on the weakest back: all which they do without the least intention of injury, but merely forth of ignorance, or simplicity: which might have been covertly, and without discovery shrouded, if their ambitious weakness could have been contented with privacy, and wisely retired from the pursuance of Public employment. 
* Ambition clothed with Ignorance, falls ever short of its Expectance.  For, as Preferment is the best Herald in displaying the temper of the enjoyer; so Public Engagements discover best the abilities of the Undertaker.  
Galba was held worthy of an Empire, till he became an Emperor: and Caelius to be Consul, till he was made a Consul. We know not what men be, nor how they may prove, until the Places, or Offices, whereto they are deputed, take off their Vizards, and present them naked.  
That Divine Cynic, one no less wise than surly, being one day at a Feast (uninvited, I suppose, for his inbred incivility rendered him unsuitable for such Meetings) observing a Guest amongst the rest to sit silent, whilst others appeared more free in their discourse; with a rough brow addressed his speech unto him in this manner: If Wise, thou art a Fool in holding thy peace; If a Fool, thou art wise in holding it.  
Such Weaklings as these, who are of a Pen-feathered judgement, might make good use of this Observation: ever looking on Harpocrates Sign, with his finger on his mouth: For more Wisdom is shown in not speaking at all, than in speaking to no purpose. Of which impertinency we shall hear many of our Commissionary Rank highly conscious.  
This might be instanced in that ignorant Want-brain; who, assuming to himself the Authority of Examining a Clerk of the Market (an Office, doubtlessly, more abused than any other throughout the Kingdom) made this simple demand in a Public Assembly, Whether by the virtue of his Office he was to weigh the Baker's bread by Troy's Weight, or Haver de Poy? Whereto the Clerk no less ingeniously answered: Your Worship might as well ask me, why Broad Cloth should not be measured as well by the Bushel, as by the Yard.  
The Choosing of such Empty Casks, which sound loudest when emptiest, redounds ever to the dishonour of the Undertaker, the Scandal of the Preferrer, and Prejudice of all such as stand liable to the ignorance of their Censure. But to insist no longer on these, I am briefly to give a touch of a more dangerous and untunable Instrument, for the managery of State-Affairs, than either of the other. For, neither he whose Estate is indigent: Nor he who is of a weak and defective judgement, can possibly appear so fatally noxious in the blameless discharge of their Duties, as he who retains such a Coat in his heart, as it can afford no room to lodge Fidelity in to his Prince.  
For the other two, as the one had more Policy than Honesty; the other more simple Honesty than prudent Policy: So he, whom we are now to speak of, and whom we are, like an impartial Herald, to deblazon in his own native colours, is an Engine of Treachery.  
Under a fair and loyal Habit, he ever lodgeth a Sejanus spirit. He is never found fishing in calm Waters: being the only Incendiary to blow the Coals of Division in every peaceable State.  
Neither is he only treacherously Ambitious, but maliciously Envious.  
As one of these Seditious innovating spirits lately used one of his Fellow-Commissioners, far honester than himself, accusing him to be a Red-lettered Man, (meaning a Roman Catholic) and consequently incapable of any such Commission. But being brought to their Book by One discreeter than them both, they were so equally learned, as neither of them could distinguish a Red Letter from a Black.  
Howsoever, though some of these be no Bookmen, they have designing Pates, apt to Mint and Mould Mischief to their future advantage, be the Groundwork never so Sandy whereon they build.  
I shall not need to strengthen your opinion in this point with variety of Instances; we have had sufficient store hover at our own Gates; the sad shares whereof, even to this day, appear in the ruins of many loyal Subjects.  
If we should sound these State-Whiflers to the bottom, (and no Inquisition more necessary) we might find them under the counterfeit pretence of loyal Service, from which their disjointed affections have been long estranged, seemingly to bemoan the heavy condition of a Subject, and how compassionately They suffered in that behalf, seeing him crushed with the insupportable burden of his Pressures.  
And whereto tends all this, but to exasperate the Subject against his Sovereign: and under the colour of a gracious Commissioner, act the part of a graceless Traitor?  
All which, to trace the Observation of a judicious and well-studied Statesman, occasionally ariseth from the security of a remiss, or libertine Prince, who indulgeth his affections so much, as they beget in him a Lethargy to the Affairs of State: which might be instanced in Domitian, Vitellius, and Decian.  
Whereas Divine Providence has returned us such a Prince, who by his vigilant inspection over his Military and Civil concerns, and timely remove of all such pernicious Instruments, as never engaged for their Sovereign, yet had so much impudence, as to expect Honours, with other advantageous helps, the least whereof they neither merited, nor by derserving Favourites pursued: Has hereby revived our late depressed Spirits, by shutting his Royal Gates of these abusive Court-ingles: and by consequence, his Highness, I say, has his loyal Subjects in their Primitive security, and his Sacred Person in a calm and peaceful safety.  
Such is the assured confidence of all loyal Spirits, whose known fidelity can abide the touch, and whose integrity never incurred taint. Nor can it be imagined, much less feared, but that the royal gratitude of so gracious a Master will amply gratify their gallant Service, who have engaged their Lives, Freedoms, and Fortunes in defence of his Cause, and Preservation of his Person. So as those treacherous Assassins' could not be more mischievous in plotting his ruin, than Sacred Providence appeared each where propitious, in preparing an Hollow Oak for his Shelter, in a time of necessity: but loyal Hearts to succour in his height of extremity. Which gracious and unexemplary Deliverance, may it be writ with the Point of a Diamond in the Memories both of Prince and People; that our Thankfulness may never incur an Act of Oblivion to Posterity, for such a signal Evidence of Mercy.  
But leaving these dangerous Tetters which we formerly touched, and wherewith Public Commissions have been usually tainted; holding them the refuse of a corrupt State, and as we ought, in an incapacity to any Magisterial Service; my conclusive Close shall be an Address to Yourself, for whose use, in this Your Commissionary Charge, I prepared these Advertisements.  
Sir, It is well known to your Country, wherein you have shown yourself an eminent and faithful Member, that you are liable to none of those Exceptions abovementioned.  
For, in the First Place, your fullness of Estate has freed you from being indigent; and consequently no way necessitated to take rewards.  
Nor by those excellent helps of your Education and Natural Parts, so weak in judgement, as to appear ignorant of what you ought to do.  
Nor in the Principles of Loyalty so deficient, as to swerve the least jota from your Allegiance.  
Being thus furnished, what less can be expected, but that you will go on with honour: and to your Reputation hold that Dimension, as may suit with a Person of your Quality, a deserving Branch of your Family, by clearing yourself from jealousy, and rendering content with all indearment to your Country?  
Neither is it sufficient to approve yourself only blameless in your own deportment, which ought to be Exemplary: but to rectify others of your Society, if in any point blame-worthy. For that Position will ever hold water: He, who holds in Competition, or stands jointly empowered by Commission; and in that parity, or equality of Command, understands his Fellow to be in the irregular course of his Proceedings an Offender; makes himself guilty of the Offence, if he act not by his best Endeavour to reform that Error.  
In a word, look on your Subsidy Men with an equal eye; the serious survey whereof will present an Act of Justice and Piety.  

Postscript.  
WE heard of late that you were grown eminent in the Eye of the Court. Play the rare Phoenix, an Honest Man.  
Abuse not the Prince's Favour, to enhance your own honour. The Court is no place of permanence. This day one story higher; next day so low, as none can fall lower. The only way to remain long Great, is by a deserving Mean to attain and retain Grace. To beg a Pardon from Heaven, for preferring, or begging any unjust Suit in the Court of Earth. Neither can any Clawing Courtier gain so much by his Compliance on Earth, as he loseth by his thoughts Nonresidence in Heaven.  
Remember this, and you shall thrive as well, though you Climb not so high, as the best.  
Your Constant PHILOCLES.    

A DEFENSIVE LETTER, IN VINDICATION OF HIS FRIENDS HONOUR: Occasioned upon our late ASSESSES.  
FAme has been ever held of a more lavish tongue and swift wing, than just in her Relations: This I hope the World will find verified in you. Your Country has made choice of you for her Patriot; do not betray her trust. Account it your highest Preferment, and without boasting, your prime glory, to advance the Conveniencies of your Country. And, to the end your knowing endeavours may appear more instrumental herein, take an exact survey of the accommodations and advantages properly conducing to that County, Burrough, or Manor, whereof you stand elected, and deputed an assistant Member.  
Neither is it only to fall into your consideration, how, by your discreet addresses, you may advance the interests of that Place for which you stand engaged, nay Conscientiously obliged; but, how you may by a prudent and provident inspection avoid all obstructive ways that shall occasion any dis-advantage in the improvement of it.  
This should be the constant Task of all your fellow Consuls, whose study ought not to be employed about fishing in troubled waters, as our Factious-fiery Spirits are usully affected: whose frisking humours hunt only after a Change: making it the least of their care, or fear, if the State became a Bedlam, so it were an House of their Foundation; or a Political disjointed Body of their own Constitution. Nor like Court-Fauns, complying with the Current of the time: and making Self-ends their primary designs. These have their Hooks trimmed with the pleasantest, but the perilousest Baits. Honours and Places be the attractive Adamants of these Eminent Favourites. Country relations, with whatsoever is held most dear to conscientious Men, must fall under the Grand Inquisition; or what is worse, incur that Epidemical prejudice to all Royalists, a perpetual Act of Oblivion. Preferments are personal concerns, and must take place before Country Debates, or Public Interests, else must these Cabinet Agents, who officiate for themselves, lose by the bargain.  
Dear Friend, our long acquaintance, seconded with such mutual regreets, have deeply engaged me to the precious tender of your repute. Some will not stick to say, that your Name is in the Class of those Court-shadows: and the pursuit after Honour has made you forget the Place from whence you came, or the Errand for which you were sent. Trust me, I should rather wish you dead to Earth, than live to such Fame. But, I hope, the World does belly you, otherwise shall the world make me a stranger to you.  
Dead Flies corrupt the precioust Ointments: and vicious Agents are fatally noxious to the best employments. Therefore was it anciently observed in the Athenian State, that none were to be Elected one of the Ephori, a Place of Consular Dignity, unless he were a Person of unquestioned fame, and whose eyes were shut from rewards, or admiring Greatness. It is not long since (for we retain yet the scars of those Civil wounds and Wars amongst us) yourself was inrowled a Martial Commander in His defence, to whom we owe our Allegiance. In which service, what clear evidences of your prowess and valour were manifested to the World, I shall, as one known to your native Modesty, be sparing to relate; leaving it to the attest of your Country, where your actions purchased that surviving glory. Only let me put you in mind of that Morning Canto, which, amidst all your dangers and disasters, you so cheerfully breathed.  
The rising Sun shines gracefully on me,  
Because a Subject sworn to Loyalty.  
Now, upon what grounds could it be imagined, how the gallantry of such an active spirit should so eagerly nibble at the light bait of fading honour, or the deceiving hope of Preferment; which generally begets more Foes than Friends, and in the end leaving the Projector weary of his purchase, renders him a spectacle of scorn to his slighted Family?  
Let us search the Records of all such Men as have taken their rise by indirect ways in these State-Assemblies! we may, perchance, find them, like Isis' Ass, loaden with Honour; so richly has their Compliance with Persons of Place gilded their New foundations, for moulding, or advancing pernicious Designs. But mark the issue of these timing Wits, with the usual Catastrophe that attends them! They fall into such contempt by the purchase of their Mercenary and Immerited Honour, as they are usually entertained by their abused Country, in stead of applause and approbation, with scorn and derision.  
Hence it was, that the Stoic accounted the Lackquey more happy than his Master that road on his foot-cloth. Though the one be fuller of State, the other rests more secure. For the higher stands ever most exposed to danger. In public employments (if his abilities engage his attendance in them) his actions become liable to censure: wherein, if any Proposal, or definite conclusion appear out of square, the Instrument must be questioned. Admit it be never so lightly devious, it must undergo the test.  
And though formal in most, if defective in one, a severe interpretation will accompany it. One drop of Coloquintida will spoil a whole Pot of Pottage. Especially in Public Concerns; where the voice of the People sounds loud.  
Every Tax, or Assess, becomes their Phlebotomist; extracting blood from their veins: and native heat from the vital parts.  
One small Chick snatched by the Kite, begets more passion in a Peasant, than the loss of an herd of cattle suffered by a Community. This Individual Man, as he is his own Sharer, so in his sufferings he finds no equal Partner. Of others wounds nor wrongs he has no resentment, so he enjoy his own welfare and freedom. But when not only one limb, but the whole Body Politic groans under a burden of suitable nature, it acts in the sufferers a communicable distemper. Then, like our quaking Separatists▪ they find out retiring Places to vent their discontents in. Then they discover their Conditions, balanced with their insupportable pressures: but principally their joint practices, how they might inflict due revenge (so implacable is popular fury) upon the Designers of their sufferings: who, no doubt, if they should fall into their clutches, would expect no better usage than Absyrtus received from the remorceless hands of Medea, to be rend piece-meal. Nor than, that cunning, but cruel Artist, in that Tyrannic reign of Phalaris, who commanded, that the Inventor should be first tortured in his own Engine.  
Just it is, that those whose only study is Complacency: and whose supreme ends are self-ends, should close their days in misery, weaving up their Comical Court-Jubile in an Epilogue; breathing nothing but disconsolate airs of an ensuing Tragedy. Such was the fate of Philotas: and may the like Issue personat the constant office of an Usher to every Court-Sycophant: who, under a seeming pretence of feeding the Exchequer, starves the State.  
It is observed how that insinuating Favourite of Vespasian, having closely whispered into the Emperor's ears, what vast advantage that unbecoming Tax of Vrin-Money would bring into his Coffers; as one whose mind was naturally addicted to a pursuit of profit: He hugged his design, promising him an ample Reward for his ingenious contrivance of so useful a way (atrack never trod before) for inhancing the Revenues of his Treasury. But, afterwards advertised, how this Claw-Back pursued his own Interest, making it his endeavour to become Contractor for that Grand Imposition, and consequently not only abuse the Subject, but cheat the Emperor; his hateful Projections brought him into such general contempt, as he was not only discarded the Court, where he had such eminent reception: but in his Country too, where he had forfeited his Reputation: being not only scorned, but houted at, and Stigmatised with this Mark of distinction: 
* Ecce quam fastuosè & fastidiosè Vespasiani lasanum prodit!  Behold how proudly and hatefully that Pisspot of Vespasian struts along!  
Sundry instances of this ungracious kind might be found, both in our own time, and Climes, who appeared eminent Ornaments in the Seats of Justice, in their Country; but, no sooner called up by Public Votes, to do their Prince and Country Service, than a Surreptitious hope of Preferment made them forgetful of their just employment; by playing the Crickets, and hatching their Crocodile Eggs in Chimney Corners; and Moulding Strange Assesses to dis-gust the People, for their own interest. But, a general contempt abridged most of these men's days with a languishing discontent. Where I leave them.  
Be it your care, as I have justified your carriage in Public Places, to come off fair in your Deportment and Demeanour, that in this Recourse, you may return into your Country with Honour.   

TO A MALIGNANT, Dissuading HIM from HIS RESOLUTION.  
DEar Sir; If any considerate reflection upon your Estate, Repute, the Affectionatest Wishes of your Intimatest Friends, or a fair compliance with those, who are nearest to you in blood, or dearest in your esteem, may prevail with you: timely consider your own hazardous condition. In your Ahderence and Loyalty to your Prince, it can never repent you: you Walk in a smooth Conscientious Path: wherein, howsoever some Occurrents may, through a distempered Surfeit of Peace, interpose themselves; they cannot perplex a Spirit Loyally affected. Pure and Integrious Minds are compared to sweet Odours: the more pounded, the more redolent.  
Now, if this pretended Cause of Public safety, or State-security, counterpoise your Friends persuasions: Discuss every Motive, and your discreeter judgement shall find every Argument that may be Objected by the Malignant Party, infinitely defective. Their Propositions, like Draco's Maxims, writ all in blood. Aspersions thrown upon our Politic and Ecclesiastic Government, without ground: Nothing desired by them, that may conduce to the Public good; but by his Majesty with much alacrity seconded. So as, unless a Well-Planted, and long-flourishing Monarchy should be reduced to an Aristocracy, or which is more to be feared, an absolute Anarchy; What could be with more facility inclined to, to satisfy the Votes and Voices of a small remainder: who seem rather to stand upon singularity of Opinion, than advancement of their Country's honour? What Miseries these woeful Distractions have brought to our State, there is no eye, unless prejudicated, but apparently sees, and seeing suffers. This, even many of those who nearliest sided with them, have lately observed, and so sensibly apprehended; as they have interceded an Accommodation: wherein, perceiving an averseness in some few Parliamentaries, (and those who have run so deep an hazard upon his Majesty's Displeasure, as they find themselves hopeless, by their Disloyal and Malapert passages, to recover their impeached honour) They have since wholly declined from adhering to them: and, with a Zealous Loyalty, applied themselves to his Majesty's Commands: with a resolute desertion of all such, whose Propositions trenched upon such desperate ends. Besides, the very City, which has been the Parliaments Exchequer, has of late, upon Maturer Consideration, withdrawn their Contribution; perceiving clearly, how it neither suited with their Profit nor Honour; but the utter ruin and extinction of both together.  
Now, if you reserve your Eye for Events; excepting these late 
* Relating to those late Parliamentary Imbroilments.  Lancashire Defeats, you shall see their Yorkshire Forces defeated and dispersed; Or, if you will look nearer the Sun, you shall collect, by a more just and credible discovery, than any Diurnal Relation, (which, for the Stationer's Profit, and Parliamentaries Credit, becomes generally a Mint of untruths, and unjustificable fictions) how his Majesty's Forces daily increase, and the Parliaments decrease: So, as now, success begins to smile upon the Justness of his Cause.  
Dear Sir, with an unequal and uninteressed eye fix upon these: suffer yourself to be undeceived; and compose the residue of your Resolves to such fair and noble Precedents, whose timely aversion from pertinacy, and conversion to Loyalty, have begot them esteem; to their States and Persons safety: those individual fruits of Allegiance and Fidelity. The least acquiescence whereto, seconded by your own Pen, shall incomparably close with the desires of  
Your most Affectionate wellwisher, Upon Retractation of your convinced error, And Reliction of your Fanatic Humour.   

Upon the LATE PLOT.  
HOw is it Zimries, that you thus do Plot;  
And ne'er content you with the Preys you've got?  
Look to your Ravenous Claws exposed to pillage,  
On every Loyal State, Grange, Mansion, Village!  
Could not your Harpyes-fury be content  
With good men's rapine, ruin, banishment,  
Nor all the Miseries that Sea or Land  
By th' Tyranny of your licentious hand  
Could lay upon us, satisfy your thirst,  
Nor move remorse for what you did at first;  
But Breath fresh veins, and make the festering wound  
Larger and deeper than your Agents found  
In their perfidious Practice; when no doubt  
Their aim was to destroy both Branch and Root?  
Yet, what was done against you for all this?  
A fair Act of Oblivion Signed is  
For your Indemnity: and by it rest  
Safe, having richly feathered your Nest  
With Spoil of Royalists, who, well-affected;  
Came short in Reaping th' Harvest they expected.  
" Some Honours they might get, but, all the while  
" Revenues wanted to support their Style:  
And, as th' Weakest ever goes to th' Wall,  
These had been fitter for an Hospital;  
And there remain Immured, secure, at ease,  
Than receive Honours when they want their Fees  
Thrice-happy Knights of Windsor who have go  
Both States and Styles for which you ventured not  
Nor felt hard Duties, such as we have done,  
Yet most of us blink-eyed are look upon.  
Maugre these storms, our thoughts be calm and still  
As if we were rewarded to our Will.  
So loyal and so faithful tried were we,  
we'd fight for th' King in spite of poverty.  
Our Resolution could not be compared  
With theirs, who fought to purchase a reward,  
And that unjustly gained: for your delights  
Were to make us poor naked Adamites.  
Prowess and Prudence chalked forth our way,  
Scorning those Craving Spirits fought for Pay,  
So long as they'd Revenues of their own,  
Or self-supportance to rely upon:  
They bearded danger, and for honour fought,  
Accounting Life a Tribute that they ought.  
This was right Gallantry; for it did bring,  
Midst all Extremes, some comfort to our King:  
For in his service having spent their Store,  
They spent their blood, what could a Sov'raign more?  
How much have you abused his Clemency,  
Who, having granted you Impunity  
For your mischievous pillage, must be forced  
To have your new Conspiracies indor'st  
In Sanguine Characters, so deep imbrued  
As they display your high ingratitude;  
And, make you Prodigies in after times,  
Blushing at you who blushed not at your Crimes?  
How often have I in my Pastures known  
A Rogue Prance on a Horse that was mine own,  
And, in a brave insulting frontless sort,  
Yet, durst I not call him in question for't?  
How often have I seen my Fatlings killed?  
My Grounds and Meadows by your Heifers tilled?  
How often have I by mine own Door gone,  
And seen my Pales and Houses trampled down:  
The Owner quite estranged from his Nest,  
As if he had therein no Interest?  
Rebels, what would you have?- I'd have you teached,  
As to us Cavaliers Hugh Peter Preached.  
Would you enjoy our Lands, our Stock, our Store,  
Or what's most dear to us: what would you more?  
Take it; nay, in your seazure you're so speedy,  
As like Bold Men yee'ave taken it already.  
Let our Estates your Beggary advance,  
Only reserve us our Allegiance  
Which you ne'er cared for: our sole task was toil,  
Restraint, hard duties, you received the Spoil.  
And, after all this, when we were made bare  
And lean, as ever Pharaohs cattle were;  
Such large Indulgence your brave Acts receive,  
You're freed from Stigmas, none dare call you Knave,  
Roundhead, or Crop-ear, but be entertained  
For Friends, when you have our Possessions gained.  
Yet, while we must not call you this nor that,  
We needs must hold you th' Assassins' o'th' State.  
But, this we utter not, for we're become  
To speak more with our thoughts than with our tongue.  
Now, would not such desertless ties as these,  
Keep you from acting New Conspiracies?  
" By this, you knew to Justice what belonged,  
" To leave your States to them whom you had wronged.  
Howsoe'er heavens judgements shown, your own hand delves,  
What Grace remitted, ruin to yourselves.  
Those whom Heaven means to shatter, those it mads,  
As may appear by these Rebellious Lads.   

Upon the FACE of REBELLION: By the Hand of a royalist, ARTFULLY DEBLAZONED.  
REbellion headed Faction in this sort,  
But praised be Heaven, some Heads were set up for't;  
May Treason thrive so.- Seldom seen we have  
Sedition go gray-headed to the Grave.  
A Beast of Many Heads; we well may call  
That Monstrous, which grows Anarchical:  
Who kick at Princely Power, & spurn a Crown,  
Yet could brook well to wear one of their own.  
These were those Nimrod-Nemeses of wrath,  
Who beggared their Friends by Public Faith;  
Grinding them to th' Bare Bones; much time misspent,  
To make their Parliament a jackalent,  
Or a Shrove-Cock, a whirligig of State,  
For every Wag to throw his Cudgel at.  
These could not choose, but they might clearly see,  
No Station managed without Sovereignty.  
Rivers owe their Allegiance to their Spring,  
And, these, who had their Influence from the King  
Became his Tyrants.— But, that Scene is done,  
" May ne'er such Acts slain th' face of Albion.  
" And may our Scutcheons still Distinction bear,  
" Betwixt a Rebel and a Cavalier.   

A FAREWELL- CAROL, To All COMMITTEE CARLS.  
FArewell Committee Men, if ye be Men,  
For, I'd be loath to dedicate my Pen  
To Savages; though I must tell you too,  
Th' uncivil Arabs would forbear to do,  
As you have done, to any Neighbour's State,  
To pill him, and confine him to a Grate.  
But, of your goodness, I retain a Sense,  
By whom I've purchased such Patience,  
As I shall wish, that you may have the grace  
To have the like, when you are in like case:  
And, in like case you must, or else our State  
Must grow Anarchial and desperate.  
But, I must startle you, how e'er it please,  
And cure you of your Lethargies disease.  
" It spoils the operation of a Pill,  
" For to apply it to the Patients will.  
Lend then your Ears, ye zealous Tribe of Gad,  
Since you have squeezed the substance that I had;  
I'm late-resolved, by th' benefit of art,  
To act with Dennis, the Schoolmasters Part.  
Of Rod and Custos I've provision made,  
For fit materials, to set up my Trade.  
And, with You first I purpose to proceed,  
For, some of you can neither write nor read;  
To open the door of your intelligence,  
At least, to teach you how to construe sense.  
I will not School you in Rules of Division,  
Christ's Cross was late enacted Superstition.  
My Discipline more novel points affords,  
As, first, for the due joining of your words:  
Wherein, your Censures have so conscious been,  
As, those who heard you, knew not what they mean:  
Belching forth words of such stupendious wonder,  
Who heard you blest them from you, as from thunder.  
For Numbers too, though they be only two,  
Yet, in your Summing, you displace them so;  
The Private ne'er throve better, Public worse;  
For, th' Public creeps into the Private purse.  
For Gerunds, they're Diurnals, and pretends  
All must be Supines that are CHARLES' his friends.  
For Cases, they're so strangely ordered here,  
The Vocative sounds only Cavalier.  
For Articles, their credit's so decayed,  
That they are broke so soon as they are made.  
For Genders, I must tell you, you're such Men,  
I'd have you hold that Rule of Origen;  
Your Genitals mere Ablatives, Dear Brother,  
That none hereafter may beget another.  
For Pronouns, Nouns, Verbs, Adverbs, Participles,  
They're all become Apocrypha's Disciples;  
The Loyal ranked amongst Adjectives,  
Who stand for Parliament Noun-Substantives.  
For your Declining, in this madding time,  
You teach the well-affected to decline;  
Other Declensions ye never seek,  
But hold them in your Conclave Heathen Greek.  
For Interjections, Blades of pure affections  
In their advance meet still with Interjections:  
So, as if two Suns shine within one Sphere,  
Then in one Realm Round-head and Cavalier.  
For Persons, there is no respect, save those  
Who are the Senate's friends, and Sceptres foes:  
And by these you may guests how the World goes,  
For Sceptre Friends are ever out at toes.  
For Praepositions, those are set before  
As Lucky Birds, who th' Capitol adore:  
For weekly Packets these Relations bring,  
That Prae rides for the State, Post for the King.  
For Concord's, to produce them were a Riddle,  
The squeaking Bagpipe suits not with the Fiddle:  
Yet there's some hope this harmony may take,  
Seeing Divisions our best Music make.  
For Conjugations, after times may sing,  
" The Conjugal Estate has lost her Ring:  
With our late Presbyterian Translation,  
Changing our Font into a Pewter Bason.  
For your Conjunctions, never hope to see  
Any use of them while these Factions be:  
But, for Disjunctions, they are freely sown  
'Twixt Sire and Son in every Country Town.  
I shall not trouble you with Moods and Tenses,  
England has banished them with her five Senses.  
Time was, Time is; but so it comes to pass,  
The present Tence is not the same it was.  
These Principles, and Elements of art  
I shall inform you in with all my heart;  
But, being Scholars, you must be corrected,  
Which you would hardly brook o'th' well-affected.  
For, it will scarcely be believed of any,  
You should be whipped, when you have lashed so many.  
But, if to learn, your Roundheads have no will,  
In God's name be mere Ignoramus still.  
But, if these Rudiments to you seem dimmer,  
Let th' Parliament inform you by their Primer.  
From my Private School near New- Bridewell.   

THE SEQUESTERES SONNET.  

COme, come and tell me thou acquaint thing,  
Late sequestered for the King,  
What needst thou care, since thou mayest share  
In freedom of the cheerfull'st air?  
Such liberty may give content to Subjects,  
When their Princes are enjoined to restraint.   

Thou hast a Cell, an impaled Croft,  
Shady Arbour, downy toft,  
And, where is he, Sequesters thee,  
Or dare tax thy liberty?  
Love's liberty, which gives content to Subjects,  
While Princes stand debarred from fancy by restraint.   

Can I be poor, or feel annoy,  
When I am rich in earthly joy?  
Shall I pule, cry, moan, pine or die,  
Or put finger in mine eye,  
Because State-sharks collect the rent of Subjects,  
Unto their loss, and Sovereign's discontent?   

Shall I, fond I, throb Lachrymae,  
Or act part of Malevole  
With folded arms, surprised with charms,  
Or bemoan my forfeit Farms?  
An estranged Alien to content of Subjects,  
Who suffer in their Sovereign's late restraint?   

Yes, that I swear may drain a tear,  
Else all the World should not hear  
Me moan myself, though run on shelf,  
For a patch of worldly pelf:  
A little portion gives content to Subjects,  
Who wish no more of all their store,  
Than KING'S Enfranchisement.    

No Mean, No Man.  
WHat is this Pomp, this Port, this flower of glory,  
But a mere pageant, or a naked story,  
Presenting Man what his extraction is,  
And, what an unblessed State is humane bliss?  
If rich, he's proud; if poor, he envies them  
Who swell with more estate, or more esteem.  
If Fool, should he all Ophirs oars possess,  
The more he has, he does enjoy the less.  
If wise, his own house cannot him contain,  
Some foreign projects must surprise his brain;  
Where, while he feeds on hopes, and seeks to pray  
On others fall, his own falls to decay:  
For, how should he retain least hope, to come  
To wealth abroad, that cannot thrive at home?  
But, if Ambition wing our airy flight,  
Look not how high we fly, but where we light.  
Who to his own State can his thoughts confine,  
He in his Croft enjoys an Indian Mine.   

TO THE HIGHLY HONOURED AND GENEROUSLY ACCOMPLISHED, Sr PHILIP MUSGRAVE; GOVERNOR OF CARLISLE:  
A PERSON, 

Whose LOYALTY to his SOVEREIGN;  
CONSTANCY to his COUNTRY;  
INTIMACY to his OWN;  
INTEGRITY to ALL;    
Have Rendered Him 

EMINENT in the Acception of his PRINCE;  
DEAR in the Estimate of the STATE;    
R. B. HIS most AFFECTIONATE KINSMAN, and SERVANT, PRESENTS the ADDRESS of these TWO COUNTREY-INTERESTS.   

THE INTEREST OF WEST MERLAND.  
THis County stands highly engaged to her own Interest: a People frugal and tenacious: naturally inclined to Industry; which may be an Argument of Her Frugality; made good by that Italian Maxim, That which we get with our own hands, we ever forego with heavy hearts. Hence it is, that there is no way readier to ingratiate their Commonty, than to claw them with an opinion of moderating their Charge: or declining the face of hostility without cost.  
They are infinitely sensible of the emptying of their own pail, be they never so lightly milked. For the Public, it is a Star of such a Magnitude above them, or distance from them, that albeit they derive all their light from that Orb; yet so individually cemented are these to their own, as they hold the Public proficience, or deficience, smally concerns them. A little Tax foments such distaste, as it operates more violently upon the pulse of their spirit, than a precipice of the whole State. (The Peasants and Plebeians we only hint at) for the Gentry are generally of that clear and candid nature, and grounded on such loyal Principles, as might be instanced in those sad-wasting times of our late distractions, where it was observed, that never any of Quality, within the whole Barony, was ever known to take up Arms against his Sacred Majesty; or, for their own security, contract with an Associate County.  
This County consists of two sorts; and in these two, dissorted into different opinions. The Gentry and Commonty. For Nobility, some ancient Structures she reteins, as Monuments, or Trophies of their owner's quality; but either by the irrevocable decree of fate, or deplorable violation of their faith, they are divided from their Country; leaving only those main and massy piles for Landmarks, or aged relics of their pristine Magnificence and Glory. The Gent. here, are generally well-bred; though in times of distraction, more apt to Command than to be obeyed. There is nothing that begets more breaches in their Society, nor discords in their harmony, than that deluding bait of popularity: Which puts me in mind of that State-axiom, He cannot be justly regular, that desires to be popular. Self-opinion, drawn from the propriety of their own worth, or a reflection to their Family or Birth, become inducements many times to ambitious and elated spirits, to quarrel with Authority: For a supposed parity, cannot brook priority. This makes Propositions concluded in the Evening, to lose their vigour and validity in the Morning. While the distasted precedency of the person, not the inequality of the proposition, occasions this opposition.  
This County holding such gradual distance from the Sun; I mean, the face of the Court; has been in public Assemblies, where the protection of Counties was debated, and with great deliberation carefully secured; as an inconsiderable place, dis-regardfully slighted; nothing in it worthy to be valued: it was left to support itself, or suffer: The Sun shining then in a clear Zodiac, would not dart one small beamling on her. Yet, it is admirable to observe, how this obscure and deserted Angle, in times of greatest distemper; even then, when men, and all things so miserably jarring, had seemed to change their nature; stood ever firm, and immutable in her fidelity; and resolute in contemning those assassinate braves and threats of a confining Enemy. Besides, never did County, to her succeeding glory, in testimony of her Piety, open her bosom more freely to return hospitality to such, as were pursued by the Enemy.  
Being a Nook, in comparison of other Shires; yet One of the very last Counties that veiled to their over-powerful Enemy: and upon such Signal Conditions, as, that Foe to Fidelity could not glory much in the purchase of his Mercenary and ignominious victory.  
And, to give a further addition to their unquestioned valour and renown, it has been reported, how at that time, when that Handful of Men (being held a narrow and inconsiderate County) spit defiance in the face of their Enemy; making this their constant Impreze: INTACTA EST WESTRIA VIRGO; Which, (being without derogation to their Honour afterwards subdued, or rather compounded with to lay down their Arms) They changed into this: VITIATA EST WESTRIA VIRGO. Which unexpected, but necessitated Overture, wrought such distempers upon some of their Commanders; as they could not endure to remain any longer in those polluted Nests, wherein such Ravenous Fowls pretended an Interest. Mean time, those loyal-hearted Soldiers left behind, though discomfited, they were not discouraged; for, though the insulting Enemy was more in number, They never durst encounter them without great advantage, such was their valour.  
It has been reported, that even at such time as those late Malignants, who bounded near her, and by a daily recruit of their numerous Forces, might probably perplex her; when their powers increased, and their Victories vaingloriously dispersed; yet, the very Colonels, and chief Commanders of their Enemy's Faction seriously interceded their Association; so formidable was the prowess of this small County to a populous Army, a victorious Enemy. Yet could neither Promises nor Menaces make a breach upon that impregnable Fortress of their Loyalty. They disclaimed all concurrence with State-competitors: when Crowns and Sceptres lay at Stake; they neither held it safe, nor honourable, to admit least acquiescence, much less adherence to such fomenters of debate. This enforced the Enemy to stand continually upon his Guard, to his great disadvantage: which, though it enjoined this County to a constant charge, yet it conduced highly to their safety, and preservation of their honour. Howbeit, some scattered aspersions have lately spread themselves; which, at the first blush, may seem to some prejudicated opinions, detractive from the reputation of this County: but upon more mature and serious discussion of every particular (though my Person be a stranger to those Parts, which may imply an impartial Pen) I have heard it amply debated, and unanimously concluded, that no action was committed, nor design omitted, that might any way derogate from their Honour: for, by labouring to surprise an Enemy, as was apparently proved, they might, at that time, have made way for the Enemy to seize upon the Rendezvouz for that County; which would not have been so easily reprized, being once possessed; by reason of the Inhabitants within it, and places adjacent to it; whose affections were dangerously corrupted.  
It was held by an excellent refined judgement, for a gallant action, if they could decline the fury of a powerful neighbouring Enemy, without foreign Protection: which, by their Commanders care, hath been bravely performed: crowning the issue of their actions with undaunted resolution.  
The Soldiers, who are designed to keep Garrison in these Parts, are Men of proper Personage, and strong Constitutions: and, no doubt, of stout and resolute Courage, if they were put to it. But, their near adjoining service to their own doors, makes them more remiss in their attendance. This Opinion has been generally retained of them: Better Soldiers, if they were well disciplined, and farther distanced from home, never Marched into any Field: but their thought of home, and a neglected Family, makes them less intentive to Affairs Military.  
This Shire is divided into two parts; but the Baronry is the Beauty and Glory of the County, for her more civilised Commonty. For the other part of the County, their Commons are more servile, but less civil: and, to the happiness of their Commanders, not so ready to argue, as to obey. Whereto, they have been so enured from their infancy; as Obedience is more acceptable to them than Sovereignty.  
The Shire-Town is Apleby, which merits preeminence only for antiquity: for Kendal, being the Garrison-Town for the County, has been ever renowned for her affluence of commerce, and confluence of People: Being a Burgess highly famed for her Manufactory in Woolwork: which, by their experienced industry, became infinitely commodious to the Corporation and Parts adjacent: though of late much decreasing. Which, it were to be wished, that it might be timely supplied, and cheerfully revived, by the assistance and application of those Members in the High Court of Parliament, who stand obliged, upon their Election, to promote the Interests of their Country; by removing all probable occurrencies that may obstruct the improvement of it. An employment, no doubt, more corresponsive to their Place, whereto they are, by the Votes and Voices of their Country, deputed; than any Self-seeking-Interest, wherewith, I hope, that sharp Northern air will not suffer them to be infected. Neither has it been the least of her happiness, to have enjoyed such loyal and circumspect Magistrates; as by their vigilancy and fidelity, made it their prime terrestrial task, to intercept these Enemies of the State. Such Sentinels deserve cherishing, and high approvement; especially in these times so anxiously shaking and shuddering. Neither can too much circumspection be used, in regard of the Dis-affectionates in that Place; their private desertion of the Public Cause; and their aversion from all accommodation or intention to Peace. The beauty of Sodoms Apples was only in their colour: and, the purity of these, only in their tinsell-zeal lustre. Their seeming compliance in the Cause, cannot palliate the Core of their heart. Sin ever retains the sting of shame: Neither can it be such a faithful Secretary to itself, but it must, when least expected, and less importuned, discover its guilt.  
Many private passages present admittance to this Town of Garrison: but, no Inlets more dangerous than 
* Pretending Zealots, the mainest Fomenters of Rebellion: relating ever to our late distracted times.  ill-hearts, where the poison of disaffection has instilled that infusion, as, no spirit holds more influence over some pretended Zelots of them, than that viperous fury of Rebellion. Well may the Malignants promise to themselves a grateful harvest to their Labours, when they plough their accursed Ground with their Enemy's Heifers. But, these Brambles are not so many, but they might be quickly Weeded, did not Impunity thaw Authority; and leave Delinquents more presumingly indurate.  
Sundry Forts, Rampires, and Barricadoes have been in the most convenient and incursive places lately erected, by the care of those Governors successively employed in Garrison: amongst which, One of principal concernment, being an ancient artificial Mount, and in form resembling one of those Pyrenaean Mountains, dividing France from Spain; and distinguished by a Device or Model, like a Cap of Maintenance, upon the top: a Work, certainly, of incomparable art, ingenuity and consequence. This stands as a Counter-mure, by an equal level, and opposal to the Castle; which Castle, though ruinous and demolished, is shortly to be Fortified, if all designs proceed, as are intended. But, now those hopes of reparation have run themselves quite out of breath: Peace and Unity being the safest Ports, and securest Forts that Human Policy can erect.  
In a word, if this County be at unity within itself, it will prove a grievous Eyesore to the strongest Assailant: neither can this Sacred Chain of Union be dissolved but by two means: First, By a surreptitious Envy, fomented in some of the Gentry, towards the Persons that are in Command: Or, this particular respect in the Commonty (a too Epidemical Malady) wherein private gain must overbalance the Public good. To cure these, no Receipt more sovereign, than, in the first place, for the Gentry, without reluctancy, or private agency, to submit their Wills to the fair Commands of those, who derive from their Superiors a legal precedency: And, in the next place, for the Commonty to decline their own opinion, and, to adhere wholly to their Commanders; by whose advice, they may not only be regulated, wherein their own discretion cannot supply them; But so completely furnished, as timely prevention, the life of Policy, may hereafter secure them.   

THE INTEREST OF CUMBERLAND.  
A Cunning cautelous People; Patient of Labour; and pliable to Commands: Which observance in them, is rather to be imputed to the discreet carriage of their Gentry, than the innate affection, or disposition of the Commonty. Who, if a prudent awe did not subdue them, could be easily induced to play the Masters. Neither was it possible for them to confine so long upon a subtle neighbouring Nation, but they must necessarily receive some tincture from them, and retain it in them. They are pithy in their discourse, and nimble in their bargaining. Anciently, this County, as our former was, has been much engaged to 
* The 〈◊〉 Foundation of a Tenant-Right.  Border service: in the pursuit whereof, by freedom of booties, it returned generally more gainer than loser.  
The Gentry of this County has been ever much addicted to Recreation; as Hunting, Hawking, Horse-races, and the like gentile pleasures. Now, by the late breaking in of these Distractions and uncivil quarrels, to their Honour, they addressed their employments wholly to the Discipline of Arms. Many of these have received several Commands; some of Centuries, others of Colonies, and others of select quality, of Brigades. Certain differences (upon the prevalency of some dis-affected spirits, who itched after nothing more than Innovation) sprung up dangerously in the beginning: but, the Serpent was nipped in the head: and the Gockatrice broken in the egg, before it was hatched. Some dangerous Instruments we have obviously heard of in our travel to those parts; who were, by their peculiar Places and Offices, highly interessed in the Counties Affairs; and these, to the great dishonour of their Place and Person, made Merchandise of their Offices: preferring the receipt of a sordid servile profit, before the estimation of their Family, conscience or credit. Alexander Severus would have smoked such mercenary venders of smoke. Xerxes would have pulled their skin over their ears. But, this official corruption is such a contagion, as it cannot conceal its poison. The Partridge is said to make her nest of stolen Eggs, which she hath not laid; but, as soon as the Birds are hatched, the true Mother calls them all away from their thievish stepdame; the Story needs no Oedipus.  
The prime Seat, or Garrison for this County, is Carlisle; a dainty, free and fertile soil. Yet, either through sloth of the Inhabitants, or some other occult cause (notwithstanding the delicacy and fruitfulness of the Seat) the People are generally poor and necessitous: preferring a sleepy supine life, before any industrious gain.  
Their near adjacency to that disloyal and ungrateful People, the Scots, with their constant Traffic and commerce with them, has begot in some of them, too near a congruence, and concurrence in their affections. Hence it is, that divers Factious Separatists, who desire nothing more than Division, or rather a privation in all Government; have familiarly repaired to those parts, and freely, no doubt, communicated to them their counsels. So dangerous is the stream of dis-allegeance, when it interveines itself in any descending line of blood, or to use their own word for it, of Clan. And, as the Snowball gathers by rolling: so These, by pretending plausive ends, many times find Assistants and ready Agents to further their Designs.  
Religion is a specious pretence; but, for illiterate and undisciplinary Persons to be reducers and reformers of a long-established Church-Government; and, to find false wards in that Key, which has so freely and fruitfully opened the door, for so many Ages, to People of all Conditions: it is such an Anathematised Doctrine, as he that inclines to it, cannot but acknowledge himself miserably deluded.  
To labour a seasonable prevention of these, it was the especial care of the Gentry of both Counties, to levy their Forces timely, and by applying a present Remedy, to decline an approaching Malady. In this, they all concurred, and happily succeeded. For, upon the very first appearance of Force, these groundless Malignants had the Manners to lay down their Arms, and to embrace Loyalty. So easily were they to be reclaimed, whom lightness of opinion had so weakly ensnared: and a precipitate assent to indiscreet counsel, so unadvisedly persuaded.  
Yet, for all this, no Vintage so carefully intended, but some Clusters will be left ungathered; no Harvest so painfully earned, but some Ears left ungleaned: though the main Fabric were demolished, there appeared some Refuse, or Rubbish, arising from those Ruins, which might supply fresh Materials to erect a new Pile of mischief, if it were not prevented.  
The opinion which is held of the Agent, whether his designs aim at Loyalty, or dis-Allegiance, works wonderful impressions: This might be collected by the passages of one Gentleman, too deeply interested in these Civil Divisions: whose moral honesty had so possessed him of a good opinion generally, as his precipicious actions received the better construction, by means of this opinion. It is true; that our best Men, being deluded, and employed upon ill business, do ever the worst Offices. A debauched Slave, who has sold himself to all impiety, can never find many Favourites, nor Followers; unless they be such as are casten in the same Mould: Civil reserved Men, who carry their eyes about them, will be jealous of the Design, by reason of the Agent. Catiline may find a Cethegus; but, to see him associated, either by a Cato, or a Brutus, were a miracle. Let evil Men than be put upon ill actions: for, when good Men are seen in them, or consort with those that appear for them; they attract many Shadows; and make those practices, which in their own native Simples, are poisonous, seem to deluded judgements, who are misled, by their opinion of the Agents, cordial and commodious. We shall not need here to distinguish Him by any nearer or clearer Character: the knowledge of his 
* A Gentleman highly valued for his discreet Government in those times.  Person has aspired to that growth with most men in those Parts; as these may present him in his full body, without any farther discovery. It were to be wished, that, as misunderstanding has seduced him, so some clear, solid, and disengaged judgement may reduce him; which by these calmer times has been effected: rendering him both morally and conscientiously Loyal. But, we have retraited too far from the Interess of this County.  
Their Shire-Town is strongly fortified; with useful Ordnance furnished: and by an experienced Governor 
* If a precipicious Passion, or an impropriation to opinion transport him not; whereto maturity of time, advice, and long experience, have seasonably made him a stranger.  Commanded: So, as though the continual attendance of Troops of Horse, and maintenance of a constant Garrison, may appear a burden to the County: yet, in regard of the vicinity of the Enemy, who is apt to entertain all opportunate advantages of hostility, this charge becomes their Sanctuary.  
Nor is it to be omitted, what Zeal their Magistrate, with other Country Officers, have expressed to the Public Cause; and in it, how they have manifested their affections to such, who had deserted their Country, by boggling at Authority: labouring to reduce them by gratulatory Letters, and Messages of Amity; but, see the ingratitude of Malignants! So far were they from being persuaded, as these honest Officers were, by them, uncivilly answered; twiting them with the vices wherewith they had known them formerly to be acquainted: Wishing one of them to look to his Wench; another to his Bribe: and to leave them to their Fortunes.  
To conclude this, let us reflect upon their Quality, and Harmony in Commands. Although they have a Commander in Chief, designed over both the Counties: who, out of his candour and affability, is pleased, in all freedom and familiarity to communicate his Counsels to them; yet some resulting spirits there have been, who varied much from the ancient Israelites disgust: for, their desire pitched upon this, to have a Stranger Ruler over them; rather than One who was Born and Bred among them. But, so equally were his thoughts composed, as by none of these affronts could he suffer himself to be distempered; seeing, it fares generally with the most Military Agent, or any other active Instrument of State, as it does with a Prophet, not to be esteemed in his own Country.  
It was an excellent observation of a compassionate Roman, touching Scipio African: O what a gallant General were African, if he were in any Country but his own! But, brave actions, grounded upon pure intentions, cannot lose their guerdon. The Sun, after it has wrestled with a Cloud, shows his beauty in more fullness. For, the affections of the Gentry become more clear than they were, being won by their Commander's affability, his infatigable care for the Public, his disregard to his own profit.  
Vertitur Aquilonis auspicium mutando Proverbium:  
" Ab Aquilone omne bonum,  
" Nobile nobis dedit donum,  
" Regi vitam & coronam;  
" Aulam nitidam, & Stabilem Thronum,  
" Pacis palmam, aureum pomum.  
" Mittat per orbem vaga fama sonum;  
" Matura pensans messe Colonum:  
" Miretur Auster nunc Aquilonem.   

AN ADVERTISEMENT TO THE PERUSER.  
BE pleased, Candid Reader, to bestow your eye upon the Order of the Characters methodically digested, and analogically couched; principally intended and artfully disposed for the benefit and pleasure of any Competent and unbiased Reader. The strength of whose appetite commonly becomes allayed by tedious Tables, Indices, and intricate Preambles.  
FINIS.