The Face of the Frontispiece unvailed: The Titles of either Subject, whereof these Poems treat, with their proper Imprezza's accurately illustrated and succinctly couched.  
THe Book consists of two Subjects, and distinguished by these two Titles:  

1. The HONEST GHOST.  
2. An AGE FOR APES.   
The Mind of the Frontispiece relating to the Honest Ghost; or, A Voice from the Vault, is thus expressed:  
A prisoner looking out of a Grate; his hand pointing to the Prisoners Box—— with these words: Adesdum. Mi●…te manum in Marsupium.  
Above the Gate— O ferrea aetas!  
Within the Prison, an insulting Gaoler, and a dej●…cted Prisoner; these words from the Prisoners mouth:— Exlium virtus patitur.— Dum moror hic, morior. And pointin●… at the Gaoler,— Quid tu si pereo?  
O●…e looking out, and in contempt of the World; wi●… an indifferency to his present condition, using these w●…ds: Dum video, rideo.  
2. Entitled An Age for Apes. They are severally di●…nguished after their several Notions.  
Democritus on the one side laughing, displayed by is Impreze: Insanire gregem ridens volo.  
Heraclitus on the other verge weeping & sympathising 〈◊〉 this: In flumina lumina verto.  
The portraiture you shall find more clearly explained, and more lively personated in the conclusion of the work.   

THE HONEST GHOST, OR A VOICE FROM THE VAULT.  
— In noxam sectatur & umbra.  
LONDON, Printed by Ric. Hodgkinson, 1658.   

To my Stationer Health, Wealth, and Liberty.  

IT is a frequent fashion in this Nation  
To publish Books in Term time, not Vacation:  
But I would have my Reader thus much learn,  
That Westminster's vacation is my term.  
Now some will say, the Term doth wondrous well  
To vend such flyblown works as will not sell;  
But mine's none such, with confidence I tell it,  
'Twill vend if self, it needs no Term to sell it:   

Health then and Wealth unto my Stationer,  
And Heavens preserve him from a Censurer.  
For Health and Wealth do well, yet we do see  
These relish harshly without Liberty:  
Where if he suffer for me there's small reason  
But Stationer and Author have one Prison.  
Yea, but will some say there were danger in't,  
For so my Pate might plot and he might print:  
But take my word, we'll do the State no wrong,  
But be as merry as the day is long.  
For if the World a Prison be, than we  
Who lodge i'th' Fleet, are but as worldings be:  
The only difference, as I take't, is this,  
Their Prison's something larger than ours is.  
Which though it be more spacious, yet our care  
Forth ' World is less than wretched wormelins are;  
Whose highest aim is shame, and deepest drift  
Is how to starve their bodies by their thrift.  
Come then my Stationer, and make thy station  
In this same petty corner of our Nation;  
Where though we live by Worldings unregarded,  
We shall be kept like Princes, double-warded.  
Come then my Boy, it's many good man's ●…ate  
To make restraint their Tent, their glass their grate.    

To the ingenuous State-Censor.  

MY younger years composed these rural Rhymes  
To tax the errors of corrupter times:  
When we a State-Monarchicall possessed,  
Which Government our Politics held best.  
Pandora's Box poured forth such plenteous store  
Upon our Isle, she could enjoy no more.  
We knew not then what Drum nor Trumpet meant,  
No Garrison lodged in our Continent.  
Arms and Alarms were strangers to our Coast,  
No Civil-Warre, nor State-imbroiling Host  
Disturbed our calm repose: Phoebean rays  
Of glorious Peace shone on our halcyon days.  
Our Islander might sit and pass his time  
Under his Figtree, or broad-spreading Vine,  
And fear no Foe to reap what he had sown,  
Or seize on that which Conquest made his own.  
Kings reigned secure: Scaffolds were reared then  
For Scenes of Pleasure, not for heading men.  
Our peaceful Olives than their fatness showed,  
Our Wine and Oil increased, our Cups overflowed.  
Each State knew then its proper residence,  
The Lower gave their Lord's preeminence.  
Platonic parity was then as far  
From us, as now the Rules of Princes are.  
High Powers on Ours had such an influence,  
As every object satisfied the sense.  
So as no foreign State observed our bliss  
But envied and admired our happiness:  
And in that glowing Envy might conclude  
" We wanted nought but civil gratitude.  
For what did fullness of our bread bring in  
But carnal liberty and height of Sin?  
Vice rid on's Foot-cloth; Churches grew to be  
Nurses to Sacrilege and Simony.  
More Tares than Wheat were sown in every field;  
Our unpruned Vines did only wild grapes yield.  
The Countrey-Cormorants begot rich heirs,  
And made Sons Prodigals by Father's cares.  
The City-Chea●…s made Fools of Country men,  
And with their Tweaks they gratified them.  
The Court a Mint of Congees and acquaint words,  
Of Silken-civet-comfit-curtain-Lords:  
Who in their quest of favours took delight,  
And gauged their Honour to decline a fight.  
Imposts fed State-Imposters, Patten●…ees  
Hackneyed the Public with Monopolies.  
These made MUSAEUS bustle in this sort  
With Church-abuses, City, Country, Court.  
These Poems than you may suppose of His  
Reflect on former times, and not on this:  
For had he meant that Task, Heed drawn all Shapes,  
Like Protean Pictures, save Assembly Apes:  
Whose forms are such, should He be catechised,  
He knows not how those Monkeys are disguised.   

Twenty four Harvests now are spent and gone  
Since This received its first Conception;  
So as you may suspect there's something in't  
That kept this Work so many years from print.  
Which had it been continued to these Times,  
Had made an English Iliad for high Crimes:  
Highswelling Crimes, which rightly understood,  
Might Stage a Rubric Story ached in blood:  
Where Presbyterian-Independent-Levell  
Make work t' enlarge the Kingdom of the Devil.  
But who stalks too near Truth's heels (under favour)  
May have his teeth quite struck out for his labour.    

To all, or none.  

LIving on earth, I silenced my wrong;  
Now shut from earth, my griefs have found their tongue▪  
Which to make good, behold my wronged Ghost  
Having both friends and hope of freedom lost,  
Re-visits earth, of purpose to reclaim  
Such as do live unto their Country's shame.  
I aim at all, high and inferior men,  
Appearing now to these, and then to them;  
Whose fight if it affright, know that it is  
Their Gild, and not my Ghost procureth this.  
But see, some great men swell! Why, let them burst,  
I slight their sury, let them do their worst:  
On earth they did all that they could unto me,  
Now I'm secure, they can no more undo me.    

The honest Ghost, OR A Voice from the Vault.  

THrice to the sin-sick world my Muse hath come,  
And has been thought too bitter unto Some,  
Who, for to show how much they're discontent,  
Have meant to keep me tongue-tied by restraint.  
But can this do it? No, I'm same I was,  
And though my earthen vessel cannot pass  
Nor pierce these walls of stone where I'm restrained,  
And for twelve months with patience remained,  
I have a Ghost, as now it shall appear,  
Sojourns abroad, while I am caged here.  
For what can these spruce Silkworms do at me?  
Shut me from air of high-prized liberty:  
And in this vast and irksome residence,  
Remove me from the object of each Sense?  
For first my Eye no object views of State,  
But such as to and fro pass by my grate:  
And for my Ear, no object doth assail her,  
But noise of Keys, and clamour of a Jailer:  
And for my Smell, because nought likes me well,  
I catch a cold, whereby I may not smell:  
And for my Taste, my palate doth decline  
From relishing aught pleasant at this time:  
And for my Touch, I feel nought but distress,  
And more I smile, the more it doth oppress:  
Yet for all this, I do enjoy as much  
In th' faculties of Eye, Ear, Smell, Taste, Touch  
As he who glories most; and you shall hear  
How I enjoy them too, if you'll forbear.  
I have a grate, where I do see men pass,  
And this same grate I make my looking-glass,  
And there I see, and I do laugh to see  
(For only laughter now is granted me)  
An aged graybeard, whose dimensions have  
Traced half their Pilgrim journey to his grave,  
ambitiously aspiring, as if he  
Should never grapple with mortality.  
He plots and projects, poor decrepit fool,  
Lest his insatiate Messalina should scowl,  
To gain such honour as his Lady chooseth,  
Which got, he dies, and by the bargain loseth.  
Or else perchance, some high-prized Favourite  
Presents his Suit and works him this despite,  
And must forgo his place by his esteem,  
Although he know not what the Office mean:  
Neither concerns this Him, for know you what?  
It is not place but profit he aims at;  
What matters it how he discharge it then?  
He is above the privilege of men;  
For his firm grounds are reared on stone, not sand,  
And shrink he must, that dare him countermand:  
Yet is it strange to see how he, whose place  
Resigned is to one new-crept in grace,  
Would gull himself, and bear the world in hand  
He is advanced to place of more command,  
Although I'm sure he could be well content  
To keep his Place and be no 
* An easy Inquest of Inquiry may inform●… the ingenious Reader touching this discovery.  Precedent.  
O how this tickles me, to see a Swad,  
Who ne'er so much as education had  
To make him generous, advan●…'d to state:  
And like a Parachito begins to prate  
More than he ever knew or ever read,  
Yet must this grand-Sot be authorized,  
And held so grave a Statist, as if he  
Were th' only man on earth for policy!  
Nor am I so restrained, but if I please  
I may behold variety of these;  
For, wearied with this counterfeit of State,  
Unto another corner of my grate  
I straight betake me; where I may behold  
A Bulk of honour, like that Ass of gold  
Which bore the name of Isis, reared on high,  
Yet when I view him with an inward eye,  
I find nought in him but an outward show,  
Nor care I much if He so much did know;  
For all the Honour which this man possesseth,  
As sometimes, in his cups, himself confesseth,  
Derived their late beginning (as 'tis said)  
From mere extortion in Zacheus trade:  
But, till he change his habit, I forbid  
That he ere do as good Zacheus did.  
Of whom, I think, it may be truly said,  
That he will prove Bankrupt in every trade;  
For he hath shown himself a malefactor  
Both while he was a Statesman and Contractor.  
But, besides him, some other Foists there be  
Deserve a censure full as well as he:  
But th' State is wise, and with an expert hand  
Can squeeze these Sponges who do soak our Land.  
Another personage I see approach,  
And what he is, I guess by Arms on th' Coach;  
A great-Man sure, and yet for aught I see  
He cannot be of great antiquity,  
For th' Coat he bears, implies it is not long  
Since he bore arms, or th' Herald did him wrong:  
Who may He be then? I durst pawn my life,  
One that is honoured merely for his wife;  
So as the only stay of his affiance  
Supported is, by means of his alliance:  
Great must he needs be then, he cannot choose,  
If Mushrooms by his means be honoured thus.  
But see, good Malcontent, who 's he goes there?  
I'll call him to me, Pray good Sir draw near;  
He Will not come, He doth not like a grate,  
Though he had self▪ same Prospect but of late,  
Yet I will display him to, and in a word  
Uncase yond Pomander sweet-sented Lord.  
He 's such a Sage as he'd be thought by man,  
A grave, judicious, learned Justinian,  
A Column of the State, and such an one  
As all our Isle were worse if he were gone;  
Yet hear me and i'll tell you what he is,  
One who hath wronged the State by rearing his;  
A subtle Censor, who his passion smothers  
Till it burst out to th' ruining of others,  
Wherein he shows his spirit most of all,  
By base insulting o'er a wretches fall;  
A Neuter Lord, who walks as in a mist  
And shows himself a cunning formalist,  
A mere State-Rhetorician, whose desire,  
Having now gorged himself, is to retire  
From business of State, because he fears  
That some ere long will have him by the ears  
For courses indirect, which he would shun,  
By living privately unlooked upon.  
But lest this should not hit, he hath conveyed,  
And, by his Art, a clear conveyance made  
Of all his Lands, for he observes the time  
Apt to take notice of a rich-man's crime;  
Which to prevent, he thought to take this course,  
That He who begged his state might far the worse;  
Yet I them resolved, as widows tears and cries,  
Sent from their voice and from their doleful eyes  
Seldom return without revenge from high,  
Like feathers in the air his state will fly  
From his deputed Heir, and so decline  
From him and his unto another line.  
Yet this I wish not, but would rather see  
His Seed succeed in their posterity,  
That grand-oppression, that same crying sin,  
May ne'●… survive in his, but die in him;  
So shall that name which he deserved here  
Appear like ashes scattered here and there.   

Now Eyes what see you? Is the grate so straight  
As ye can see no object? Yes, deceit  
In every corner doth encounter me,  
Men be and seem not, seem what least they be;  
For be it Courtier that I eye, whose sense  
Consists in Sent and Sycophants pretence,  
I find no part in him of that esteem  
To prove him same he outwardly doth seem;  
For where He lives it is the only fashion  
To gull the simple with a Protestation:  
His life is formal wholly, and he owes  
Far less to substance than he doth to shows.  
Or be it Citizen, though he protest  
The wares he shows you first are still the best,  
Because he knows you're of so brave a mind,  
The choice you make is best, that you can find;  
Yet some evasion still he hath in store  
To gull you now as he hath done before:  
Wherefore believe him not although you grieve him,  
For you deceive yourself if you believe him.  
Or be it Countryman, whose simple seeming  
Would in opinion clear him of misdeeming,  
Yet in his cottage hath he learned this art,  
To make his Tongue a stranger to his Heart;  
So as all States this maxim learned have,  
He cannot live that knows not to deceive.  
Thus may you see, though I be lodged here,  
Where scarce one glimpse of Sun-light may appear,  
That I have sundry objects to employ me,  
Which sometimes, I confess, so overjoy me,  
As they in me leave such impressions after,  
That to myself I them oft enforced to laughter.  
Nor can your eyes dart half so far as mine  
In the survey of this corrupted time,  
For were the Curtains ne'er so closely spread  
Where Livia with her Drusus wantoned,  
The Coach close shut, the eyes of men to dim,  
Yet know thus much, she is so light within,  
As she no more her wantonness can cover,  
Then if she only had heaven's arch above her.   

NOw to my second-Sense, if you will draw near,  
I will make known unto you what I hear,  
I hear, and by no mean intelligence,  
That Barbicon is troubled with the French,  
And are made famulists, as some suppose,  
Because they speak so strangely through the nose:  
But I do hear more serious news than these,  
And you shall hear them briefly, if you please.  
I hear of One who hath been long penned up,  
And, with his Lady drunk of sorrows cup,  
For some egregious crime at first committed,  
With punishment in joined them, as befitted,  
Are to be freed now and quite released,  
As if both blood and whoredom were appeased  
By some few years restraint! But I do know  
Superior powers will grieve it should be so;  
For tell me, can that liberty be given  
On earth, which never was allowed by heaven?  
Shall Naboths blood cry for revenge and h●…ve it?  
Shall Abel's cry for vengeance and receive it?  
Shall snarling Curs, as sacred stories tell,  
Lick up the blood of wicked Jezebel,  
To show how every creature seems to smother  
Their just revenge, whofe hand 's deep dipped in murder?  
And shall These purchase f●…eedom, or obtain  
Such favour to review the light again?  
Shall Barbarous Nations, where did ne'er appear  
That glorious light which shows her beauty here▪  
Enact such Laws, enjoin such punishment  
On persons that are held incontinent?  
Shall savage beasts, who measure their delight  
By satisfying of their appetite,  
Hate to partake in love with more than one,  
And either live with that or live with none?  
Shall airy birds so sort them to their make,  
That they will sooner die than they will take  
Themselves to others? Yea, shall every creatur●…  
Perform the proper office of their nature?  
And shall man, fraight with knowledge & with reason,  
Act against God and Nature such high treason?  
No, heavens forbid; what once was said, say I,  
We have a Law, they by the Law should die.  
Yet if compassion move you to assent  
To give them all their life time to repent,  
(As ten lives were too little for such crimes)  
Send them not forth to these depraved times,  
But guard them close, as Lepers kept have been  
Causing them cry aloud, We are unclean.  
But this report I scarcely can believe it,  
I will address me elsewhere then, and leave it.   

I hear a noble-spirit that 's composed  
Of all He●…oick actions lies enclosed  
In straitest durance; thus much sure I am,  
Howsoe'er his cause be, he 's a Nobleman,  
And one who may redeem the time is past,  
And by his Prince as well as others graced,  
For ne'er did any one more hopes inherit,  
Or by descent express more native spirit.  
But I do heare●… ●… Marriage like to be,  
Which hath procured this Lord his liberty;  
What do I hear? Marriage his freedom get  
No, rather he by Marriage loseth it;  
For how can married-men their freedom get,  
When never any was his own man yet?  
But if his aims be such, all hap betid  
This lively Martialist and lovely Bride▪  
She, to retain his love at any rate,  
He, to regain his love with Prince and State.  
Nor do I fear, but when deserts are known,  
Some shall mount high, who have been long kept down  
For carpet-honour still the bays must yield  
To that which valour gains him in the field.  
For tell me, tell me, you perfumed Squires,  
Near scorched with powder but licentious fires;  
You, whose perfection doth consist in this,  
To compliment a wanton for a kiss,  
An●… glo●…ie more in such a booty gained  
Then if you had a richer prize obtained;  
What could you do, if you were to resort,  
Leaving Love's charms, to raze some stately Fort?  
Or grapple with some daring enemy  
To fight or fall, no other remedy?  
Sure, I persuade me, you would little care  
For Bracelets twisted with your Mistresse-haire;  
You would forget your congees, your salutes,  
Fingering and quavering on your sweet tuned Lutes;  
And learn to toss a Pike, and speak in thunder,  
To make your unknown▪ valour seem a wonder:  
But, I much fear me, this were hard to do,  
When you should fight, you would begin to woe▪  
And sue for peace on any terms you could,  
Th●…n gain renown, as noble▪ spirits should. 
* When this Poem was first composed, this noble personage whom the Author intendeth, was not to Liberty restored, nor his Nuptials as then solemnised. Now since decased, and withal martial renown interred in the ●…ed▪ of hono●….   
How happy were I, if I might but hear  
All you sweet-sented-Gallants lodged there  
●…n Albion's peaceful court, to be pressed over  
And see each made a Soldier of a Lover!  
What sad ●…dieus would young don Phoebo take,  
And kiss the ground for his Amicla's sake?  
What heavy news were this to Cinna's ear,  
To lose the presence of her sprightly Clere?  
What grief would this be to that new-wed-Lord,  
Who on my conscience ne'er unsheathed his Sword?  
When he must leave his nuptial-sheets scarce warm  
With his delicious Dinah, and go arm  
Those tender civet-corps, who never bore  
Arms, but what Nature stored him with, before?  
Zlid, I do think, should they receive command  
To hoist up Sail for Brabant out of 〈◊〉,  
The rumour of these news would be so bad,  
As many of our younkers would run mad,  
At least (like Ithacu●…) would feign them so  
If so they might excused be to go.  
For 'las! so long hath this same golden dream  
Of Peace survived, they know not what wars mean;  
Resty their arms, their armour rusty too,  
And if they durst fight, yet they know not how.   

But be there no rare Corants thou hearest more  
Related near thy grate? Yes, there be store,  
Yet none so much perplex me, as to hear  
The fall of On●… who once the State did steer,  
And was thought worthy to enjoy his place,  
Till profuse followers brought him to disgrace.  
Of whom, Some say, he so corrupt hath been,  
It were a sin to shed one tear for him;  
Yet, in respect of merit, I lament  
That he who was of such accomplishment,  
Yea a combiner (as he seemed to me)  
Of humane-learning and Nobility,  
Should show himself so weak as to delight  
More in preferring of his Favourite,  
Than in discharge of th' office where He sat,  
Or to support the ruins of his State;  
For worse name never any one did get  
To reap so little benefit by it.  
But there is something more than his disgrace  
That moves me to compassionate his case,  
And it is this; to note how others be  
Taxed for as high and heavy crimes as he:  
For his to such a number never did mount,  
Yet who dare call these State-moaths to account;  
He must be censured, these may live secure,  
Pill Church and Sta●…e to keep their hands in ure,  
Suck Orphan's blood, drain tears from widows-eyes,  
And fill both heaven and earth with shriks & cries,  
Join land to land, like privileged men,  
They wipe their mouths and say, Who seeth them▪  
` Las none! Who dare do't? They may be allowed  
To do what ere they list, and in a Cloud  
Walk as unseen, for very few there be  
That see their hateful crimes, dare say they see▪  
Now, for my life, I cannot see the cause  
Why this should be, unless they have the Laws  
Under their girdle, meaning to draw blood  
Not from themselves, but where they hold it good,  
Which cannot be; So might I justly tax  
The Law itself to be a nose of wax:  
Wherefore I cannot think this is the matter,  
For God forbid that Laws should learn to flatter,  
But I do rather judge the case so stands,  
They make their peace with great-ones under hand▪  
Whose awful countenance is the only cause  
To stay the execution of our Laws.  
If this be so! O ye who injure most  
This peaceful State, hear my incensed Ghost,  
Who like a Fury haunts you; cease for shame,  
To lay npon your honours such a stain!  
You should be like to Beacons on a hill  
To give your Country notice of what ill  
So e'er assail's her, and by your wise care  
Divert all dangers that might happen there.  
You should be like to Pilots to direct  
Our Ship of State, lest some should intercept  
Our hopeful commerce, which (I heard last day  
Even through my grate) was fallen to great decay,  
So troubled were the Seas as none would venture  
Their goods, because the Ports were hard to enter.  
Yea, upon serious conference I did hear  
A rich french-Merchant on his Conscience swear  
That by one loss which he of late sustained,  
He lost more wealth than he three years had gained.   

You should be like the Sun, to clear the mist  
Of each sly state-exacting Alchemist,  
State-Politician, base Monopolist,  
Church peace-disturbing-factious Novelist:  
To these, like ●…esoms, it is your behoof  
To show yourselves, to sweep them from the roo●…  
Of Albion's special Palace; for this Crew  
Are not ●…o have least countenance from you:  
You should be like bright Lamps, light to bestow  
Both on yourselves, and upon others too;  
Upon yourselves, that you may patterns seem,  
Adding unto your Ho●…or an esteem;  
On others too, that they may take a view  
Of what is good by taking note of you.  
You should be Stars in this same darksome night  
Where many walk in blindness, few in light;  
That by the light which your examples give,  
You may procure you love, teach them to live;  
For many Bats we have and Night Owls too  
Do more by night, than they by day dare do;  
These are of Bel●…all, the sons of night,  
For wicked men do ever hate the light,  
As those who are sworn vassals to the Devil,  
" Hating the light because their works are evil.  
And what are these, but of that forlorn tribe  
Who will dispense with conscience for a bribe,  
So't be in secret, sell the Orphans right,  
Oppress the succourless by th' arm of m●…ght,  
Divide the Stake, and s●…are in others State,  
As an occasion I did hear of late.  
" Three youths, all Brethren, when death had 〈◊〉 them  
" Of their dear Fath●…r, who good portions left them  
" Amounting to nine hundred pound in all,  
" Some legacies discharged, which were but small,  
" Were by some friends, who wished their welfare, moved  
" To take their Father's Will, & get it proved.  
" Along they went, and unto One they came,  
" Who had authority to prove the same;  
" One, who with long connivency had made  
" His place a Stale and mercenary Trade:  
" The Will he reads, and sometimes questions them,  
" To try if they were understanding men;  
" Which had he found, without'en more ado●…  
" I am resolved He had not used them so:  
" But he observing that they were but weak  
" Thought not to slip th' occasion he might take  
" To benefit himself, no matter how,  
" And thus he gulled, and satisfied them too.  
" Young men (quoth he) I have surveyed your state,  
" But I must t●…ll you, 'tis so intricate,  
" As I protest, I either have no skill,  
" O●… I ne'er saw a more defective Will;  
" But leave your names recorded by my man▪  
" Some sev'n-night hence I'll do you th' good I can.  
" Thus as he wished, for that time he dispatched them  
" By means of which delay, hark how he catcht them.  
" The matter, as he thought, might first be driven  
" By them to whom the Legacies were given,  
" With whom he dealt so cunningly, as they  
" Either for fear or profit gave him way;  
" On which foundation he his project rears,  
" Extracting treasures from the O●…phans teare●….  
" For when the time came, they repaired unto him,  
" Expecting th' good he promised to do them,  
" But th' Copy of his countenance was changed,  
" His meer-pretended promises estranged,  
" As one remors●…ess of the state of men,  
" For in this manner he accosted them:  
" Since you were with me, I perceive in Law  
" This Will you brought is sarcely worth a straw,  
" For it relation hath unto some other  
" Which you out of your cunning seek to smother  
" But for as much as I do hereby gather,  
" There was affection born you by your father,  
" Both in respect of nature and of blood,  
" Whereby I think he meant to do you good;  
" I will persuade effectualy with these  
" To whom your Father's Will grants Legacies,  
" And who, for aught that yet to me appears,  
" May claim as much as you that are his Heirs,  
" First, that all suits and differences might cease,  
" And you to have a hundred pound a piece.  
" Which, simple souls (for little did they know  
" Their own estate) they condescended to,  
" Whereby he gained, as I have heard it said,  
" Five hundred pounds, all Legacies defrayed.  
Now was not this a brave Probationer  
To keep a Register for Lucifer?  
Could one devise an apt instrument  
Those sullied wares of machivel to vent  
Than this Impostor, this Egyptian Rat,  
Whom I have seen both whooped & houted at.  
And must he live uncensured, and remain,  
As if his spotless life were free from stain?  
Must he enjoy his Place as he hath done,  
And hug oppression as he hath begun?  
Must he be caped and congeed where you meet him,  
When, on my conscience, I had rather beat him?  
Must he retain opinion and esteem.  
Yes; What's the reason? He has to redeem  
The name he lost; With what? With lads of gold;  
Why th●…n is reputation bought and sold.  
Alas for grief, that gold should find a cover  
To case vice in, and so to gild it over!  
O so to gild is, but to gull the eyes,  
And force poor virtue lend her robe to vice▪  
Had he by order been a Benedict,  
And of such crying crimes as these convict,  
He should have heard of nothing but confusion,  
Till he had made a threefold restitution.  
Had he, who thus from Justice did decline,  
Used such corruption in Severus time,  
Were he the greatest man within his Court,  
Selling his people smoke, had smoked for't;  
Or borne the highest sway in Xerxes' days,  
And fed his Client-Subjects with delays;  
He had been sure, as in his life appears,  
To have his hateful skin pulled o'er his ears:  
Yet has this got a Pardon, and much more,  
By an imposed fine begged long before;  
For this same worldly wise oppressing Hammon▪  
Hath made him friends by his unrighteous Mammen,  
Foreseeing well he stood on such false ground  
His naughty cause would force him to compound.  
Whence there appears great wrong, for it is said  
Such have his Fine as ne'er were injured.  
The poore-ones suffer, and their wrongs express,  
But all their cries can get them no redress:  
Which if our Prince (so gracious is he) knew  
he'd cause him make what restitution's due,  
And feed none such in their unbounded riot,  
Who with their surfeits do the State disquiet.   

But see, by talking of these corrupt Benches  
I'd like to have forgot three of my Senses;  
Nor were't a wonder, Some by being crossed  
In course of Justice all their Senses lost:  
Well might I then forget my Senses too,  
Having with unjust men so much to do;  
But I have heard more than I mean to tell,  
My Ear is closed, now must I to my Smell.   

THis Sense in me doth such delight begit,  
As Mines of Treasures shall not purchase it;  
In every secret corner of my Grate,  
I can Smell some abuses in the State.  
Here one both great, and of as strong a savour,  
By going brisk and neat creeps into favour;  
Another holds concurrence with the time,  
And he will fall before he will not climb.  
Here a brave sprightly Youth, who, as they say,  
Wa●… but a Lady's pag●… the other day,  
And (such was female bounty) lived upon her,  
Refines my Smell with his perfumed honour.  
There one who hath more worship far then wit,  
And more estate than pate to manage it.  
Here one, a lovely Lady in her time,  
Paints to repair those Lilies that decline,  
Who old in years, but youthful in desire,  
Cold in the pulse, but hot in fancy's fire:  
And her I Smell, for though her face be died  
With purest colours, she is Mortified:  
No Saint, yet earthly scented, for her breath  
Proves she is mortal, and must cope with death.   

But who comes here? Ismel one near approaching;  
What Madam would do, all the day long Coaching▪  
I know her well, she doth a Husband want,  
And's held the only choice Court-visitant  
For feminine discourse, though now and then  
She talks so broad, she'd shame a thousand men.  
How far this Dame is out of knowledge grown▪  
Some ten years since she came but to the town  
With a french fiddler and sung northern jigs,  
And after sold false Tires and Periwigs:  
The very first inventresse of Goat's hair,  
Ceruse from Venice and adulterate ware;  
Besides she purchased of a Jew of late  
A fucus for the face at such a rate,  
As had Some Ladies ne'er desired to try it  
And paid well for't, she had been loser by it▪  
Yet howe'er this Maquerella trade  
She's ta'en in Court and City for a maid,  
Though I suspect, for I have heard it said,  
She stood in need once of Lucina's aid:  
Bu●… she is now grown great, what matter then,  
If Lais-like she cope with twenty men?  
For there is none held now in all our Nation  
So fi●… to give young Lady's education,  
So graceful in her carriage and discourse,  
Though virtue say, she never heard a worse;  
For she whom virtue guides, will never seek  
With shop-bought beauty to adorn the cheek.   

But 'zlid who's this smells in my nose so rank?  
Pandora that same Lady Mountebank;  
Who keeps a Catalogue of all diseases,  
And choice receipts, to cure them as she pleases;  
Besides Provocatives she has such plenty,  
Her well-frequented Shop is never empty.  
If an affection to a wench should move you,  
She has a powder too will cause her love you:  
Are you by night time troubled with the Mare?  
About your great toe she will tie a hair:  
Or subject unto dreaming? she'll assure you  
She has a sovereign oil will throughly cure you:  
Or pained with aches? she has, in her pack,  
A Balm that cured one tortu●…'d on the Rack:  
Or hyde-bound? she has by her such a Stone  
As it hath power to raise the skin from bone:  
She has a water, that in little space,  
Will take away all wrinkles from the face,  
Renew the blood, refresh a wasted brain,  
And, like Medea's charm, bring youth again.  
And if you would believe what she'll relate,  
she'll tell you of a cure she wrought of late,  
Upon a great●…nd ●…nd noble person too,  
Who stru●…k in age, yet had a mind to woe  
A fresh young girl; but he thought the sight  
Of his white-haires would dash his motion quite:  
Which to preve●…t, he to this Artist came,  
Who by receipts as quickly cured the same;  
Within four days all his white-haires were reft him,  
Whi●…h I believe, for not a hair was left him.  
Briefly, for all cures she so far surpasses,  
Galen and Parac●…lsus were but Asses  
Compa●…'d to her, sith there be greater store  
Of Maladies than h●…ve been heretofore;  
When national diseases that di●… show  
Their dire effects to some one place or two,  
A●…e ●…ow grown universal●…; for 〈◊〉 than,  
French, Dutch, Italian, Neopolitan,  
Have sought unto o●… Coast their Sores to carry;  
Where they a●…e grown i●… time 〈◊〉.   

But who is thi●… I s●…nt? A 〈◊〉 of dust  
And mouldered ashes, ye●… as full of lu●…t,  
As i●… her str●…ing blood b●…gun to melt  
With 〈◊〉 ●…f youth, 〈◊〉 ●…ere ●…d winter felt.  
Has she no 〈◊〉? m●… 〈◊〉 sh●… should stir him;  
Sh●…e h●…s a Husband, but she cares not for him.  
Those ●…hat are chaste affect no choice, but she  
Would surfei●…, had she not variety:  
So strong's her appetite, that in her plenty,  
She glories more than if she were but twenty;  
" Such sweetness brings sins custom, as once in,  
" Delight in Sin, removes all sense of Sin.  
More do I smell, for I am not invited,  
But with my Smelling only am delighted;  
A solemn bride-pie, which upon my life  
Is for that fox-furred Burgomaster's wife  
Now gone to marry, and has hope to breed,  
Yet has not one sound tooth in all her head▪  
So as this youth struts by his old Trots side;  
For all the world like Battus with his Bride.  
But stand; for see his Crest displayed in paste,  
One who ne'er loved the church, to church doth hast●…  
To spouse his youthful Bride, whom, as 'tis said,  
He in he●… Husband's life time formalled;  
Whose corpse scarce cold, no nor the poorest worm  
Entered his coffin, nor his shroud-sheet torn,  
His Obits done or funeral-torch burnt out,  
But she's so hot, she needs must go unto 't:  
Where arm in arm and cheek to cheek they meet●…  
Leaving her dead Lord to his winding-sheete.  
Whence I conclude, as Sexton once did cry  
With a loud voice to such as p●…ssed by,  
" How short's a woman's grief, within three days▪  
" Rosemary sprigs are turned to gilded Bays!   

Thus may you see when I no Flowers may take,  
Of Weeds for need I can a posy make  
And smell them too, although they give no Sent  
To cheer●… my Sense or tender her content.  
But men that are restrained of liberty  
Must make a virtue of necessity,  
For unto choicer Gardens those may go,  
And I'll not say but they my gather too  
F●…r choicer Flowrs, who never were restrained  
Then we who are from common ayr●… detained.  
Yet in this grate, although I be no Cat▪  
I can as quickly see and smell a Rat,  
As he who may have liberty to range  
From Court to th' Burse, from Cheapside to th' Exchange:  
For it's not Liberty that gives man sight,  
Unless he use that Liberty aright.  
For Some will s●…e more in the darkest Cave  
Than other Some who greatest freedom have;  
Yea I may swear, since I was here confined,  
How ere my eyes be, I've a clearer mind.   

But hast thou nothing to delight thy Smell?  
But such rank weeds as these that sent not well?  
Hast thou no flowers, thy cloyed Sense to please,  
But such unsavery Mugweed slips as these?  
Yes, I have flowrs and odours too which give  
Soul-solacing refreshment where I live:  
But these are such as shall not be made known,  
Lest by these weeds they should be overgrown,  
Who from their loathed lives cast such a steem,  
As with their venom they might poison them,  
Which to prevent, prevention must be used,  
Another proper Subject I have chus'd  
Now to discourse on, yet I will not wast●…  
Much time in satisfying of my taste;  
For that were sensual, and would discover  
I were no Prisoner but some brainsick Lover,  
Who by his wanton mistress tasked to more  
Than he could do, his spirit to restore,  
Feeds on all dainties, that he strong might grow  
Both in himself and for his mistress too.   

HOw should I taste aught well, since I am plac▪ ●…  
Where I can relish nothing but distaste?  
For here in this vast C●…ve where I do liv●…,  
My very Consorts no contentment give:  
Not the least be●…me of comfort sh●…nes ●…pon ●…e,  
But like the sore●…ll ●…ll my friends do shun me▪  
The langu●…ge of ru●…e officers beside,  
Whose base condition sticks not to deride  
My hard mish●…p, and twit me to my face,  
Saying, my wit brought me to this disgrace.  
When feeble nature craves some small repast,  
Though I be hungry, I had rather fast;  
For my weak stomach c●…nnot well digest  
The meat I have so sluttishly addressed.  
Which makes me muse and wonder much at these,  
Who waste their state in superfluities,  
Sto●…ing their luscious Epicureall board  
With foreign ca●…es to feast some foreign Lord;  
Who will accept their love, as well he may,  
And, with a french shrug, laugh and go his way.  
Now by my hopes, there'●… nought distastes me wor●…▪  
Then see a grand gull thus abuse his purse,  
To gratify a Mounseur and his train,  
Whom he perchance shall never see again.  
For this Vitellian Lord, that he may please  
That great-mans' palate with varieties  
Of all delicious meats, by Land and Sea  
Sends his Purveiors out, who sto●…'d must be  
What e'er provision cost them, 'tis no matter,  
Their Lord will sell his Land to fish the water.  
Yet it is brave to sport and spend the time  
In luscious fare, choice consorts, and rich wine▪  
To take delight in meats that best do please,  
Fill Poland Salmon full of ambergris;  
And like that Prince of prodigal expense,  
To please his Humour rather than his Sense,  
When far from Sea, would only feed on fish,  
But near the Sea, made flesh his only dish.  
To revel unto midnight, and come home  
A sleepy Sibarite, a heavy drone:  
Next day address himself to some new task,  
As make a set speech to his mistress mask;  
Go see a Play, and when each Act doth end,  
Rise from his Stool to commune with his friend▪  
Of purpose to induce those that sit near  
To think its State that they discourse of there;  
When alas, poor Stage-gulls, they're so far from that,  
As they ne'er knew what such thing●… aimed at:  
Then to make choice where they will sup that night  
And make their life a progress of delight.  
Next day invite some honourable guest,  
A favourite, or follower at least,  
To make the world take notice of him then,  
That he'll grow great by means of such great men.  
Or at his own charge some Court-shew to frame,  
And make the L●…dies think it was his brain  
That did contrive it, when, Some near him know it,  
His purse and not his pate did play the Poet.  
Or in his entertainment of some State,  
Make Conduit●… run with Rhenish at his gate.  
True; this is brave indeed and princely too,  
Which Some may better far than others do,  
Who racket it abroad and keep a table  
Free for all comers, when they are unable  
To feed th●…mselves; the Cock on hoop is set  
Hoping to drink their Lordships out a debt.  
I heard of late a Milliner complain  
Of a great Lord that's prodigally vain,  
Who run upon his score within three quarters,  
Five hundred pounds, for sho-ties, points & garters;  
Yet runs he on and feeds him with delay,  
And either cannot pay or will not pay.  
Yet is his mind good, for he doth afford  
A ●…racefull presence and a grateful word  
Where ere he stands engag▪ d, & it doth grieve him  
To be so long in debt, if they'll believe him.  
But th' Suit, thus he pretends, he last obtained  
(And this's his grief) comes short of that he aimed,  
Or else he's out of cash, or who collects  
His r●…nts, detains them more than he expects.  
But howso●…re he shrowded it with his wit,  
Nor this nor that is any cause of it;  
" His lusciou●… palate and delicious Cook  
Withhold him from discharging of the Book.  
His many Items daily so much spend him,  
As either must some Patentees defend him,  
Or all his ancient Manors are forgone,  
Which may be soon, for he had never none,  
Only some few he got since he came hither,  
Which with himself are shrinking both together.  
But stay; me thinks there's nought distastes me mor●…  
Than to behol●… a rude uncivil Boar  
Whom nurture, nor good nature ever had,  
Whose father lived by nought but selling Woad,  
By means of better fortune to obtain  
More grace than men of more deserts may gain;  
His honour is his purchase, and his fate  
To raise himself to greatness by his state:  
For merit who esteems it? When men crave  
To know not what we are, but what we have?  
Now by those hopes I have of future bliss,  
There's nothing mads me h●…lf so much as this;  
For who can brook to see a groundling rise  
To titles of such honour and high prize,  
Doing no worthy act in all his time,  
Unless it were the gelding of a Swine,  
As I heard once a mad-conceited Jig,  
Of one made Knight for roasting of a Pig:  
And Dietloph Brand obtained (some say) as muc●…  
With Rostock Bear who overthrew the Dutch▪  
Which story made me laugh, for on a time  
A boon-Companion and a friend of mine  
Telling this tale, one of a light conceit  
(Which made the jest more full) replied straight  
By thus retorting it; Now by this light,  
I wonder much why you're not made a Knight;  
For if to healths such knightly veils befall,  
You's drink a health with any of them all.  
But to the purpose; though I force a smile,  
I'd rather moon th'abuses of our I'll.  
Again, to see those who have well deserved,  
How they can show their warlike bodies carved,  
Their arms disjointed, or their legs cut off,  
Yet for all this rewarded with a scoff;  
Their service wants least solace, for out Peace  
Makes us conceive small pity toward these:  
Yet their designs were glorious, and the cause  
For which they fought deserved no less applause,  
But see their end, for all the time they served,  
The most of these are either hanged or starved.  
Now to propose some due reward to these,  
Nought were more fit, if it the State would please,  
Than to enjoin the miserable Chrone  
(I mean the usurous oppressing one)  
Whose only sport it is, and recreation,  
To see a dearth of grain in all our Nation;  
Who grates, regrates, grinds and engrosseth all,  
Laughs when our markets rise, grives when they fall,  
Who will not sell his Corn if men should die;  
But stops his ear against their ruthful cry:  
Then to enjoin (I say) his stony heart,  
Some portion of his substance to impart  
To a deserving Soldier, and know  
My reason's this why I would have it so.  
This earth-adoring and admiring wretch,  
Who craves no more than that he may be rich,  
Lives safe at home, his family attend him,  
But all this while the Soldier doth defend him▪  
Snayle-like at home he ever makes abode,  
And little feels the dangers are abroad;  
While the encamped Soldier doth endure  
The worst extremes the Miser to secure:  
From sleep he wakes, with noise of least alarm.  
Surveys the Camp, prevents ensuing harm;  
Rampires he rears, Forts, Bulwarks, Palisadoes,  
Mures, Countermures, stores his wel-riged Armadas:  
The key-cold ground, the field-bed, where he rests him  
Where not one minute but some fear molests him:  
All which he bears with patience for this Elf,  
Who cares not who fall so he save himself.  
Now ought not he to share in his increase,  
Who by his danger doth secure his peace?  
Do we not see each one relieve his Cur,  
Who on the nighttime barks and makes a stir  
To shield his master's house from those would venture▪  
But for fear of discovery, to enter?  
And shall a Cur so kindly be entreated,  
And a poor Soldier of his right defeated?  
Can one delight so much a Cur to cherish.  
And suffer one, endowed with reason, perish?  
Nor for myself do I this comfort seek,  
For (as I think, I'm in for all the week)  
Although perchance I have as great delight,  
In a good cause, as any one to fight,  
And would be loath to spare my dearest blood,  
If shedding it might do my Country good:  
But divers means are formed for divers men,  
Some are to fight with pike and some with pen;  
Either of which requires aspirit stout,  
To vanquish fiends within, or foes without.  
But say, can neither eye, ear, taste, nor smell  
Afford thee aught that may content thee well?  
Can no choice object to thy eye appear,  
Nor no melodious accent to thy ear,  
No fragrant perfume to refresh thy Scent  
While thou art here in lists of thraldom penned;  
No sense-affecting-solacing repast  
That may delight or relish thy distaste?  
Can none of these thy drooping spirit cheer,  
Or ease thy grief while thou art lodged here?  
Yes, yes, in every faculty I find.  
Something to give contentment to my mind;  
For thus I argue; If these breed such loathing,  
I must infer, on earth there can be nothing,  
Be't ne'er so pleasant-seeming or so moving,  
That may in any measure merit loving.  
Which to confirm, as I conceived distaste  
In all those former Senses that are past,  
Now, for my love I bear the Commonweal,  
Hear but the griefs I for her sake do feel.   

MUch do I feel, for even my heart doth ache,  
Not for myself, but for my Country sake,  
Wherein there's nought doth me so nearly touch  
As to see great-men wrong the State so much.  
For there's no place, we hear not some of these  
Taxed and reproved for their Monopolies,  
Which they will beg that they their turns may serve,  
No matter though the common-people starve.  
O age me thinks thou art distracted grown  
To squeeze a whole State for advancing one!  
And what's that one? a profuse Rioter,  
Who spends upon a painted Sepulchre  
What ere he gains by begging; thus the poor  
Are forced to maintain a great man's whore.  
They want, he surfeits; they may pine and die,  
He hears, but takes small pity on their cry.  
They crave one crumb of comfort, he denies them,  
And when he meets them, stops his nose & flies them,  
He all enjoys whatsoever may like him well,  
And on his foot-cloth rides in state to Hell.  
O ye high peering Mounts incline your ear  
Unto the counsel of a Prisoner!  
For do not think, although I be in thrall,  
That I will humour any of you all;  
I have not learned to flatter hitherto,  
And I do scorn to take the trade up now.  
But what's my counsel? Labour to deserve  
Well of your Prince whom you are bound to serve,  
Hate to enhance your State, or fill your purses  
With woeful widows tears and poormens' curses;  
That gain must needs be ill, be't more or less,  
That's sucked and strained from the fatherless.  
Scorn to enrich yourselves by others hate,  
Or raise yourselves by razing of the State.  
And for as much I hear that Some of you,  
Which I protest doth much my grief renew,  
Support your Followers in an u●…just cause,  
Against the course and tenure of the Laws;  
So as they care not what they undertake,  
Because they shall be favoured for your sake:  
Surcease for shame to countenance a wrong,  
Either by Letter or persuasive tongue;  
For there is nought on earth, right sure I am▪  
Detracteth more from any Nobleman,  
Then with the brand of injury to slain him,  
For love of any on●… that doth retain him.  
For this such deep impression leavs behind it,  
As on your graves succeeding times sh●…ll find it,  
Where it will live long after you be dead,  
And sprinkle hateful poison on your seed.  
And you the reverend Judges of the Land,  
Stand in defence of right whosoever withstand  
Your just proceedings, let no favour draw you,  
Nor fear of any great-one over-aw you.  
Do you not think it were a shame to hear  
Such men as you, who on your shoulders bear  
The burden of the State, and should take care  
To guard the Prince and those his Subjects are,  
ere to decline from doing what is right,  
For love, or lucre, enmity or might?  
Patrons and Patterns you should be of truth,  
To curb the misdemeanours of our youth,  
Whose unconfined wills are rather bend  
To ill then good, unless they feel restraint:  
But for as much as I have heard Some say,  
That great-man's power hath ever born much sway  
In Seats of Justice, which should be so pure,  
As neither power could awe, nor love allure;  
That you from course of Justice less may swerve  
Observe the Rule which Cato did observe:  
Who on ●… time, when he in judgement sat  
Professing truth, the scope he aimed at,  
Received a Letter, which in post-haste came  
From One who was esteemed a special man  
Then in the State; addressed to this end,  
To spare pronouncing judgement on his Friend.  
But He, suspecting what th' contents might ●…e,  
Meant to prevent him by this Policy,  
And that he might proceed in judgement better,  
Fi●…st Sentenced him, and after read the Letter.  
O then to all alike just judgement render  
As you the safety of the State do tender!  
Grant great ones no exemption, who allege  
They may offend by writ of Privilege;  
But make them know, that you have power to strik●…  
(If they impugn the Law) all men alike.  
This if you do, which ●…onscience bids you do,  
Good men will love, and ill men fear you too.  
Yea God himself, who's present in your Court,  
Sees your uprightness and sh●…ll bless you for'●….   

And you strife-stirring▪ Lawyers, who have sold  
Too oft your souls, more oft your tongues for gold▪  
Like some foul Leprosy my Muse would shun you  
But that the State complains so much upou you.  
Eye your profession, and examine then  
If you yourselves be such conditioned men,  
As both the State requireth at your hands  
And with the form of your profession stands.  
And what is this, but that you should take heed  
What cause you take in hand, for whom you plead,  
Whom you pe●…swade, and with persuasion mad,  
Saying their cause is good, when it is bad,  
How you do earn your fees? for some men's aim  
Are by delays to multiply their gains:  
For know, that you, who should judicious be,  
Are first to weigh the cause, then take your fee;  
And if't be such a Cause 'twill bear no water,  
Persuade your Client to compound the matter:  
But if the cause be good, fall sound to it,  
And slight it not, for so you might undo it.  
What shame were't then to see men of your Co●…  
Distempered with a swelling in the throat:  
A dangerous infectious disease,  
Sp●…ung from the practice of Demosthenes;  
Whom the Mil●…sians seeing on a time,  
That to their cause he might the more incline,  
He, when he should the matter fully break,  
Had got the 
* 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Vid. Dem●…st. ●…ud Gellium, lib. 11. cap. 9 82.  Squinancy, and could not speak.  
O take you heed of this, lest God withhold  
Speech from your tongues thus tipped and tie wit●… Gold   

And you the Gentry, who retain the name,  
But not th●… Worth, of those from whence you came▪  
You, who should be life, hope, and all that's dear  
Both to yourselves, and such as neighbour near,  
Observe yo●…r rank, and in your rank so live,  
As to your House you may no scandal give.  
Alas, for grief, that ere it should be said,  
So many hopeful Plants are withered;  
Such ancient houses, where relief was found  
By way-beat Passengers, now razed to ground!  
And whence comes this, but from improvidenc●…,  
Neglect of State, profusenese of expense?  
So as me thinks, I hear poor earth complain  
And chide her brats for being so profane;  
That th' ancient badge of Hospitality,  
Should be defaced by prodigality;  
clothes, made to cover shame, and colour sin▪  
Are now habiliments to glory in:  
Meats, given to suffice nature, not delight.  
Must satisfy our liquorish appetite:  
Drinks, to refresh, times so distempered are▪  
Must drink down debt, apply a cure to care▪  
Of which disordered rank, I knew of late  
A youth of fair and eminent estate;  
Who in few years had hi●… estate ●…o seek  
from pissing Conduit that doth stand in Cheap▪  
But in my judgement, there is none of these  
Brings ruin to our ancient families,  
So much as profane swearing, which doth call  
Like that hand-writing shown upon the wall  
For vengeance on them that the same do use,  
" Gods curse must ne'er depart from swearers House.  
And yet I see, and sigh to say I see,  
How in this Land, where God should honoured be  
With duest praises, for her great increase  
Of earthly blessings, and continued peace,  
The Gentry of our Isle, should think no shame,  
With new coined oaths to profane his name:  
Which is their Parent's fault, who so much love them,  
That when they hear them swear they'll scarce reprove them:  
Yea though they curse ere they be weaned from teat▪  
And learn to swear, before they learn to speak,  
They must not be rebuked, but mark their ends,  
And you'll conclude their Parents, their worst friends.   

And you, deceitful Tradesmen, whose great'st care  
It to contrive dark shops, to vent false ware,  
Scorn with injurious practice to deceive  
Such as in you, their trust reposed have;  
And day by day the Chandler's case remember,  
As you the welfare of your necks do tender.   

Lastly to you my Brethren, who by nature,  
Are woodmen borne and gotten by a Satire:  
Examine ere you publish any line,  
For I must tell you 'tis a dangerous time;  
The State is jealous, and will have an eye  
On such wild-headed wags as you and I.  
Be wary then good Boys, and have a care,  
Lest in my censure ye do likewise share,  
Which could not choose but turn to your disgrace▪  
Besides your loathsome lodging in this place:  
Where, trust me, though I do not lie with any,  
Spite of my teeth I go to bed with many;  
And which is strange, Backbiters have I more  
Since I lay here then e'er I had before.  
But hark, while I am taxing others sin,  
My fellows they are roaring now within;  
I must withdraw; my Keeper he doth call,  
And now my grate is shut; good-night to all.   
Exit Spectrum   

A Postscript.  
NO sooner was my Grate closed, than I from my Prospect barred; retiring myself to my rest, which was as restless as my fortunes hapless, my friends hopeless and helpless. Neither did this lessen, but heighten my misery, to have mine eye barred from liberty, by being shut from my Prospect of vanity: But beggars must be no choosers, nor prisoners disposers; with Patience I retired, resolving to enjoy myself, though of all outward joys deprived and joy in the liberty of my mind, though of bodily freedom restrained. Neither indeed (to do As surly Cerberus right) was my Argus-eyed Porter so relentless, as wholly to restrain me; for his promise was unto me, next morning betime to tender me a courtesy, by giving me free recourse to my Grate; where I resolved to spend the next day in a serious survey of such passengers and passages as happily might encounter me, and make themselves objects to an emblem of misery. But see how humane purposes are diverted! implying, that nothing can be by man, so long as he is man, firmly resolved: For, next day, addressing myself to my old task, I understood by One of the Knights-ward, that divers broken and decayed Merchants, whose estate, howsoever it seem to the eye of the world, razed, yet (so wise is humane policy) their supposed Heirs are to great fortunes raised; were inquisitive how they might procure a trusty and faithful Retainer, who had knowledge in keeping of a book, casting an account, and such necessary part at properly concerned men of their rank. Upon which enquiry, she whole House, to do me a courtesy, and add some small comfort to my present misery▪ preferred me; knowing me to have a little smattering in Arithmetic, and in that respect fittest to be employed for such an instrument; since which time I have used all diligence to tender them all possible content; wherein I have so far prevailed, as with the general suffrage of these decayed Magnificoes, it is lately concluded, that if it come to pass (as much may be) that they may either by means of Protection, or some other enfranchisement to them granted, attain to the honour of a Company, I shall forthwith be made their Remembrancer; which place I shall right willingly accept, intending to remember them upon all occasions. Hence then appeareth the cause why I am from further survey restrained, being in affairs of higher consequence employed; having no time to betake me to writing or from wasting my Spleen with laughing; to see so many deluded Creditors bemoaning the fall of my politic Masters, whose well-cramed coffers are so well stored, as they will feed the Breaker, though the Creditor be starved. To discover their Treasure, were to betray their Trust; I were a knave then i●… be less than trusty, although they be knaves in grain that do trust me; only know thus much, there are many here in this City, to my knowledge, that bear their heads high, keep their shops open, walk the Exchange, and retain an opinion of mighty Merchants, who come many thousands short of these in substance. So as my comfort is (for gold to the eyesight is very sovereign) I have enjoyed the sight of more treasure since I was restrained, then ere I enjoyed being freed. But silence becomes a man of m●… place; let this suffice, I enjoy more by sight then ever their thirsty Creditors are like to possess; s●… high am I in trust with those who have advanced their fortunes by best be trust. Now to these, wh●… would have me proceed further in my Survey or Display of vanity; having found Poveety an individuate to Poetry, my answer it; when I have hope to gain●… so much by my Reader as by my Breaker, he shall hear further from me. Now to my charge.  
— 10— 100— 1000— 10000— 100000—  

" Thus my wise-Masters burnish though they burst;  
" Foxes fare ever best, when they are cursed.    

The Copy of a Letter sent from a Burgess of the Lower-House, to the brittle Society, or broken Company of Bankrupt-Merchants, 1625.  
MASTERS and Magistrates▪ whose timely policy hath got you the deserved name of a provident Company; Know that both-Houses, wherein I was employed as an especial Member, have taken into their Consideration the quality of a Breaker: Wherefore I thought good, in respect of that ancient familiarity, and inviolable league of former amity which did sometimes cement us so near together, to propose certain cautious observations, not so much for your behoof, who are excluded from this number; and consequently exempted from their Censure; as for our dispersed Bankrupts who have broke since the sixth of October, whose persons and estates are only made liable to the extent of a legal Censure. First therefore to discover to you and your brittle Corporation some apparent Remonstrances of my affection (yet not so as my love should forget form, or my Letter method;) my purpose is to reduce this schedule to you directed, to four main heads or principal points; where, in the first branch, I mean to make known what was objected against you; secondly, what was answered for you; thirdly, what was Enacted; and lastly, certain directions, by way of prevention proponnded, that the force or virtue of that Act might be frustrated or diverted. For the first, divers Bills of complaint were preferred against you, and with much heat prosecuted; sundry main objections pressed, the substance or effect whereof I have no less freely couched, then friendly touched, that in your memories they may be the deeper imprinted. It was objected, and that with much vehemency, by a rawbone Knight, who, is it seemed, had been formerly conversant with men of your quality, which occasioned him to exasperate the business against you more feelingly. That if such as you were suffered to get men's estates into your hands under pretence of Commerce, and then fraudulently shut up shop, as if the light of you fortunes had received a Damp, there would it time be no Commerce in this I●…and, but an utter decay or decrease of all trades; the reason he alleged was this, Because, said he, every Profession by way of Commerce, useth to have dependence upon men's reputation or credit; now if this reputation (the buttress of every profession) fail▪ needs must all Commerce, relying upon men's reputation fall. This objection was illustrated by divers apt similitudes, to add more lustre to his proposition, and detract the more from your profession. The State, quoth he, is a body politic, and may be aptly compared to a body natural and organical; the Belly or Maw of this body is the Commonalty, whereto other parts stand engaged to relieve her necessity; with these she consorteth and Commerceth, and on their engaged reputation she relieth: The eye promiseth to direct her; the hand to relieve her, and the foot to support her: If these infringe their promise she of necessity must perish, because their mutual supportance requires a mutual assistance; which neglected, the whole fabric must be dissolved: so fares it with the body politic, where one vein draws blood from another; if one vein grow too full the whole body suffers for it, which distemper admits no prevention but by Phlebotomy and incision; Full bodies must be purged; spongy and rank Vines pruned; grounds overflowing drained, and impostumed sores lanced; much more this Gangrene of our State, which menaceth ruin to the whole body, if it be not prevented by a speedy remedy: For tell me, shall these ulcerous Scarabees, who feed on others fortunes, and fat themselves with others ruins, receive countenance from us, respect by us, or expect less than an exemplary Censure of us? Shall these Horseleeches, who suck till they swell, swell till they burst, be suffered any more to nestle amongst us? Shall these lazy▪ Labourers reap what they have not sown, eat o●… the fruit they have not planted, or receive profit for what they never ventured? And more tolerable were it, if they parted but stakes, or only shared in the benefit of others adventures; althoug●… for this they never laboured, but like egregiou●… Land-sharks, to strip their honest Creditors (an●… ruin others to enrich themselves) of all, and appropriate all to themselves; what civil or well-gogoverned State can endure? I (quoth he) no●… without just cause, am induced to prosecute this Argument, being a matter of such general consequence, as many Families must suffer while they su●…feit, and want the staff of bread, while they gro●… fat with the bread of deceit: Neither am I ignorant how many impious Imps of that Society, mak●… the Royal-exchange their Plotting-Gallerie, o●… State-Consistory, where they project ruin to thei●… Creditor, and advancement to their seldom-thriving-Successor: Nay, which is worse, I have see●… in my time one of these Bankrupt-Merchants, aft●… recovery of their pretended breach, brave it with such insolency, as I have wondered how a Christia●… face could be so brazed, or with such impudenc●… glazed, as so soon to forget his sin or sleight hi●… shame; but what will not an habituate custom●… produce, especially where greatness becomes ●… subterfuge to guiltiness? It was an ancieat Law among the Persians, That whosoever was more 〈◊〉▪ to receive then requite, should suffer death. What Censure then should be pronounced on these, who receive more than is given them, retain more than is due unto them, and infringe their faith to such as repose trust in them? Violation, or breach of faith, was so odious and contemptible a thing to Heathen men, as they preferred a noble end, before so ignoble a brand; their reputation was their glory, their honour was their prize, and their good name that precious odor which perfumed them living, and embalmed them dying. When a poor woman complained to Tamburlaine, That one of his Soldiers had drunk some of her milk, for which he had not paid, he caused the Soldier whom the woman accused to be brought forth, and for this petty injury to be ripped up, that it might appear whether her accusation were true or false; which if it had proved otherwise then she affirmed, had been on herself inverted, by inflicting on this woman the self same punishment which was practised on this Delinquent. If a Soldier, whose profession is commonly injury and rapine, deserved so heavy a Censure, for so light and venial an error, what may he seem to deserve who professeth all urbanity, liveth in a State famous for civility, and whose very garb is a compliment of honesty? Sure (with all reservancy of respect to you before whom I speak) I cannot imagine how any Censure can be too rigorous to men of a condition so odious and injurious. How much this Speech was approved and silently applauded might appear by the seriou●… attention of the whole House; so as, doubtless the Bill had passed presently upon the delivery of thi●… Speech, had not One, whose Copyhold this Cas●… concerned, bolted upright; who pulling a littl●… down his gregorian, which was displaced a little by hasty taking off his Beaver, sharpening his peake and erecting his distended mouchatoes, proceede●… in this answer; not only to avert the force of those objections already pressed, but to divert their intentions towards this Act, to the furthering whereof he saw the House generally inclined. It is admirable to note with what prepared facility and singular propriety the tongue can make expression of the mind, in any subject which it intends either to dignify or disgrace; so as (to use Anacharsi●… words,) It had need of a more strong restraint th●… Nature.  
How violent this Gentleman who spoke last hath been in disgracing, yea suppressing the ancient company of Breakers you have partly heard ●… and the reasons he alleged to confirm his discourse, which I must ingeniously confess, were both many and weighty; so as I perceive by outward appearances, that they have left such deep●… impression in this honourable Assembly, as the print●… thereof cannot be easiliy razed, unless reasons of equal or more high consequence be produced, to answer those which have been already objected. First therefore, I will lay open unto you what an excellent ground of state-policy relies on the continuance of these broken Merchants; whose suppression would be an occasion of sundry main inconveniences in the public State; for, if prevention be the life of policy, how so one would this life be extinguished; if it had no subjects of prevention whereby it might be exercised? If there were no Breakers to circumvent, the Merchants needed no policy to prevent; which would in time inure them to security, and make them ignorant in the cautions of preventing policy. Yea, But it is objected, that these Bankrupt Merchants are professed enemies to all civil Commerce; Admit this were so, yet in some Cases it is as necessary to have enemies as friends. Nasica, when the Roman Common-weal was supposed to be in most secure estate, because free of their enemies, affirmed; That though the Achaians and Carthaginians were both brought under the yoke of bondage, yet they were in most danger, because none were left whom they might either fear for danger, or who should keep them in awe. The like course observed Oenomademus, in the I'll of Chios, when he counselled his fellows, That they should not expel all their enemies, but still leave some in the City; lest (quoth he) being void of all our enemies, we should begin to quarrel with our friends: Besides, if our wealthy Traders should not sometimes encounter with these rubs, their much prosperity would make them insolent, so as labouring with their own burden, they would become profuse Rioters in the smooth progress●… of their fortunes, so as I may properly retort th●… last Speakers words upon himself, and confidently affirm, That these Decayed Merchants are excellen●… Phlebotomists to purge the full bodies of such Tradesmen, who by continuance of Commerce are grow●… too rich. Telephus, when he could find none amongst his friends to cure his wound, permitte●… his enemy to do it; So he who purposed to kill Prometheus the Thessalian, oepend his Imposthum●… with his Sword; this Imposthumed Member is the rich Tradesman, who must be lanced before he can be cured; a continued success in Commerce hath corrupted him; prosperity, which best declare●… what men be, hath transported him; so as by all likelihood he would hazard the loss of himself, if he encountered with no losses to make him feel himself; the wisdom therefore of the time hath found out an expert Chirurgeon to launce him, and lancing cure him; an experienced Physician to purge him, and purging recover him; an exquisite Gardiner●…o ●…o p●…une him, and pruning refine him: And would you have such a singular Artist Censured? Besides all this, reflect on the benefit which redounds to the public State, in their death as well as life; for these broken Merchants having raised and enhanced their Fortunes, no sooner die than they invest their wives in whatsoever their thriving providence hath scraped together; who after some extorted tears, forced with much pumping from the Lymbe●…k of their eyes, plant their affection on some younger brother, to whom they make an entailed estate of whatsoever was left them by this Breaker. Thus, like honest men (though much against their will) they make decayed Gallants their inheritors, who sing a requiem for their Souls while they set their patrimonies at sale; And good women, when these young Rioters have left them nothing but rags of misery, they never exclaim, but patiently conclude, it was their destiny. Again, I can see no reason why these Tradesmen should prefer any such Bill of Complaint against these Bankrupts; seeing they confess how much in their course of Trading they have gained by them, which will not only countervail their loss, but might be an inducement to qualify their demands: Yea, suppose all were true as these Tradesmen affirm, and that these broken Merchants were the utter ruin of their fortunes, who by getting commodities into their hand and so breaking, have diverted the current of all trading. Yet let these Tradesmen lay their hand on their heart, and tell me if they have not by times cheated these Merchant's Sons as often as they themselves were ever cheated by their Fathers. All then that they can justly complain of, is but a little delay or drift of time, for when opportunity shall be offered I make little doubt, but these who were once del●…ded, and by the subtlety of these ancient Merchants circumvented, will requite the Father's policy by working on his Son's simplicity. An age then at most will make all straight amongst them, so as whatsoever was injuriously hooked by the predecessors provi●…ence, will be as speedily retendred by the Successors weakness. Neither have I produced all those reasons which might be here alleged by Courtiers and State-favorites, who should 〈◊〉 great prejudice by occasion of this Act. For, whereas formerly Protections were usually procured to secure these decayed Merchants from arrests; and consequently enable them to work their own peace; employments of which nature raised no small profit to the busy Courtier; there will be now no occasion for any such employment, which would drive the Courtier to a pitiful exigent. Lastly, for I hope I shall not need any further to press this Argument, being with such pregnant reasons confirmed; how many grave, judicious and disc●…et States men have we in this our Island (and some in this honourable House) who, if they had been ●…ip't in the head upon their first fall, ha●… never a●…tayned the honour to show their sufficienc●… in so brave an Assembly? whose aims as they were generous, so were their ends glorious, resembling Antaeus, who so often as he was thrown●… down to the earth, received fresh strength, but being lifted up was soon ●…amed: So they, whe●… their Fortunes seem most depressed, means o●… advancement diverted, and so many rubs to thei●… future hopes objected, remain so firmly resolve●… as they vanquished misfortune with patience: and crowned their fortunes with a glorious conquest. This Speech, as it relished well in the Palates of some, so it distasted others; for some there were who muttered underneath, that they smelled a Rat ●… others sticked not to say, that this last Speaker had surely some affinity with a Breaker: 
* Some said that this Speech might not un●…itly 〈◊〉 compared to that improbable Paradox writ against ●… ●…berty; or to him who 〈◊〉 maintained this bair-braind argument, that a Hare was a more courageous creature them a Lion: or rather to him, a merry Greek, who held this desperate assertion, That Vice was more behoo●…efull than Virtue in a State politic: Or to him, who Marius like, bombasted his Stockings to hide the infirmity of his small Legs.  So as in conclusion, to the great grief of many truehearted fractors, as well principal Merchants, as puny factors, who wished your crazy profession well; the last man's Speech was utterly exploded, and the first approved and applauded; upon which dolorous conclusion, with consent of the whole House, it was in express terms thus enacted against you.  
For as much as daily experience showeth, That the number and multitude of Bankrupts do increase more and more: and also the frauds and deceits invented and practised for the avoiding, frustrating and defrauding the penalties of the good Laws in that behalf already made, and the said remedy by them provided, etc. Be it enacted, That all and singular the aforesaid Statutes and L●…wes heretofore made against Bankrupts, and for relief of the Creditors, shall be in all things largely and beneficially construed and ●…xpounded for the aid, help and relief of the Creditors, or suc●… person or persons as already be or hereafter sh●…ll become bank●…upt. And that all and every person and per●…ons using the trade of Merchandise by way of bargaining, exchange, bartering, 〈◊〉, &c▪ or shall use the trade or profession of a 
* Look to your Ears Scrivener.  Scrivener▪ receiving other men's moneys or ●…states into his trust or custody, who at ●…ny time after the end of this presen●… Session of Parliament, shall either by himself, o●… others by his proc●…ement, obtain any Protectio●… or Protections, other than such person or person●… as sh●…ll be l●…wfully protected by the privilege o●… Parliament, etc. thereby desiring or endeavorin●… to compel or enforce them, or any of them, to ac cept less than ●…heir just and principal debts, or 〈◊〉 procure time or lo●…ger days of payment than w●… given at the time of their original contract: or bei●… indebted to any person or persons in the sum of o●… hundred pounds or more, shall not pay, or othe●… wise compound for the same, within six monet●… next after the same shall grow due, and the Debt●… be arrested for the same, etc. or being arrested fo●… debt, shall af●…er his or her arrest lie in prison t●… months or more, upon that or any other arrest 〈◊〉 detention in Prison for debt, etc. or procure 〈◊〉 enlargement by putting in common or hired Bay●… shall be accounted and adjudged a Bankrupt, to all intents and purposes. Be 〈◊〉 further Enacted, that the like Commissions, O●…ders, Benefits, Provisions and Remedies which are and be provided and limited by the said former Acts of Parliaments made 13 Eliz. & 1 Jac. concerning his, her, or their Lands, Tenements, Hereditaments, etc. shall and may be had, pursued, taken and expounded against such person and pe●…sons as are herein and hereby declared, described or expressed to be Bankrupts, and against his, her and their lands, tenements, hereditaments, etc. And be it further enacted by the Authority aforesaid, That the same orders, benefits and remedies, which are and be provided and limited by this present Act, ag●…inst any Bankrupts, or for, or concerning his, her or their lands, tenements, hereditaments, etc. or the discovery of them, or any of them, shall from henceforth be had, pursued, taken and expounded against such Person and Persons, as are declared or expressed to be Bankrupts, by the said former Acts of Parliaments, or either ●…f them, and against his, her and their Lands, Tenements, Hereditaments, &c, in such manner and form, as the same aught and might have been, if the persons in the said former Statutes, or either of them, described to be Bankrupts, had been mentioned and described to be Bankrupts in and by this present Act. And whereas by the former Laws and Provisions orda●…ned, the Commissioners appointed have limited power to examine the Bankrupt himself, etc. B●… some doubt hath been made, whether their powe●… did extend to examine the wives of the 〈◊〉 touching the same, by reason whereof the Bankrupt●… wives do daily conceal and convey away, and cause to be conveyed much part of their hu●…bands moneys, wares, etc. by means whereof much of the B●…ukrupts estate is concealed and detained from the Creditors. For clearing the said doubt, Be it Declared and Enacted by the Authority aforesaid, that after such time as any person shall by the said Commissioners, executing the said Commission, or the greater part of them, be lawfully adjudged or declared to be a Bankrupt, the said Commissioners executing such Commission, shall have power and authority to examine upon O●…th, the wife and wives of all and every such Bankrupt, for the finding out 
* Mark this my bri●…e Brethren.  and discovery of the estate, and estates, good●… and chattels of such Bankrupt or Bankrupts, concealed, secretly kept, or disposed of by such wife or wives, in their own persons, or by their own act or means, or by any other person or persons. And that she and they the said wife and wives shall incur such danger and penalty, for not coming before the said Commissioners, or for refusing to be sworn and examined, or for not disclosing the truth upon her or their examination or 〈◊〉, as in and by the said former Laws, or ●…yther of them, is already made and provided against any other Person or Pe●…sons, in like Cas●…s. And if any B●…nkrupt sh●…ll upon his or her ex●…ination, taken before the said Comm●…ssioners, be found fraudu●…ently or deceitf●…lly to have convey●…d aw●…y his or her goods, chattels, etc. to the v●…lue of twenty pounds or above, purposely to hind●…r the execution of this Statute, & shall not upon his or her examination discover unto the said Commissio●…ers, and (if it lie in their power) deliver to the said Commissioners all that estate, goods and chat●…els, so f●…audulently and deceitfully conveyed away, sh●…ll or may be indicted for such f●…aud or abu●…e, at the Assize●… or general Sessions, etc. and if upon such Indictment or Indictments, the B●…nkrupt be thereof convicted, he or she so convicted, shall be se●… upon the Pillory, 
* .  in some public place, for the space of two hours, & have one of his or her ears nailed to the Pillory, and cut off. And for that some doubt is conceived whether the Con n●…ssioners, in case of resistance, have power by the former L●…wes to break op●…n, or cause to be broken open the House or Houses of su●…h Bankrupts, etc. Be it therefore Enacted, That in execution of the s●…id Commission, it sh●…ll be lawful to and for the said Commissioners, or any other Person or Persons, by them, or the greater part of them, deputed by their warrant or warrants, under their hands and seals, to break open the House or Houses, chambers, shops, warehouses, etc. where th●… said Bankrupt, or any of his or her goods or estate shall be, or reputed to be, and to seize them, and order the Body, Goods and Chattels, ready money, and other estate of such Bankrupt, as by the said former●… Laws are limited and appointed. And for the better division and distribution of the Lands, Tenements, Hereditaments, etc. amongst his or her Creditors, Be it Enacted that the Commissioners, or the greatest part of them, shall and may examine upon Oath, or by any other ways or means, as to them shall seem meet, any Person or Persons, for the finding out and discovery of the truth and certainty of the several debts due and owing to all such Creditor and Creditors as shall seek relief by such course of Commission to be used forth, as aforesaid: And that all and every Creditor and Creditors, having security for his or their several Debts by Judgement, Statute, Recognizance, etc. or having made Attachment in London or any other place, by virtue of any custom there used, of the goods and chattels of any such Bankrupt, whereof there is no Execution or Extent served and executed upon any the Lands, Tenements, Hereditaments, Goods, Chattels, and other estate of such Bankrupt, before such time as he or she shall or do become Bankrupt, shall not be relieved upon any such Judgement, Statute, Recognizance, Specialty, Attachment or other security, for more than a reteable part of their just and due debts.  
And be it further Enacted, That if any the Lands, Tenements, Goods, Chattels, Debts, or other estate of any Bankrupt be extended after such time as he or she is become a Bankrupt, by any person or persons, under colour or pretence of his or their being an accountant, or any way indebted unto our Sovereign, his Heirs or Successors, that then it shall be lawful to and for the said Commissioners, to examine upon Oath whether the said Debt were due to such Debtor or Accountant: And if such contract was originally made, it shall and may be lawful to and for the said Commissioners to order, determine and dispose of all such Lands, Tenements, Hereditaments, Goods, Chattels and Debts, so extended as aforesaid, to and for the use of the Creditors, which shall seek relief by the said Commission, And for that it often falls out, that many persons before they become Bankrupt, do convey their goods to other men upon good consideration, yet still do keep the same and are reputed the owners thereof, and dispose the same as their own: Be it Enacted, That if at any time hereafter, any person or persons shall become Bankrupt, and at such time as they shall become Bankrupt, shall by the consent and permission of the true owner and proprietary, have in their possession, order and disposition, any goods or chattels, whereof they shall be reputed owners, and take upon them the sale, alteration or disposition as owners; that in every such case, the said Commissioners, or the greater part of them shall have power to sell and dispose the same, t●… and for the benefit of the Creditors, which shall seek relief by the said Commission, as fully as any other part of the estate of the Bankrupt. And for the better payment of debts, and discouraging me●… to become Bankrupts. Be it further Enacted that the said Commissioners (on whom this Authority is expressly conferred) or the greate●… number of them, shall have power, by virtue of this Act, by Deed indented, and enrolled within six moneth●… after the making thereof, in some of his Majestie●… Courts of Record at Westminster, to grant, bargain, sell and convey any Manors, Lands, Tenements or Hereditaments, whereof any Bankrupt i●… o●… shall be in any ways seized of any estate in tail, in possession, reversion or remainder, and whereo●… no reversion or remainder is, etc. to any person o●… persons, for the relief and benefit of the Credito●… of all such Bankrupts, etc.  
And be it further Enacted, That if any perso●… 〈◊〉 now is, or hereafter shall become Bankrupt have here●…fore granted, conveyed or assured, o●… shall at any time hereafter grant, convey or assur●… an●… Lands▪ Tenements, Hereditaments, Goods Ch●…ttels, or other Estate, unto any person or persons upon condition or power of redemption, at●… day to come, by payment of money or otherwise That it shall and may be lawful, to and for th●… said Commissioners, or the greater part of them before the time of the performance of such conditions, to assign and appoint, under their hands and seals, such person or persons as they shall think fit, to make tender or payment of money or other performance according to the nature of such condition, as fully as the Bankrupt might have done, etc. At the end of which Act these two provisions were thought fit to be annexed: Provided further, That no Purchasor, for good and valuable consideration shall be impeached by virtue of this Act, or any Act heretofore made against Bankrupts, unless the Commission to prove him or her a Bankrupt, be sued forth against such Bankrupt within five years after he or they shall become Bankrupt. Provided further, And be it enacted by the Authority aforesaid, That this Act, and all other Acts of Parliament heretofore made against Bankrupts, shall extend to strangers borne, as well A iens as Denizens, as effectually, as to the natural born Subjects, both to make them subject to the Laws as Bankrupts, as also to make them capable of the benefit of contribution, as Creditors by those Laws.  
Excuse me now (my ancient and familiar friends) in that I have longer insisted upon the verbal repetition of all material points and branches of this Statute; for I am not ignorant how much the review and perusal thereof concerns you; but fearing lest the length hereof might beget in you a kind of weariness (having your heads at this time working about affairs of high consequence) I have here reduced all those particulars to one abstract, punctually comprehending the substance of every branch contained in this Act. First, all such Laws and Statutes as were heretofore made against Bankrupts, and for relief of Creditors, are for the better relief and redress of the said Creditors, largely and beneficially construed and expounded. Secondly, the quality, nature and condition of a Bankrupt is in his colours lively described, displayed and discovered. Thirdly, the like Commissions, Orders, Benefits and Remedies which are, and be provided & limited by the said former Acts of Parliament made 13 Eliz. and 1 Jac. against any Bankrupts, shall be prosecuted and expounded against such Bankrupts, as by their especial, personal marks are herein declared or expressed. Fourthly, the same orders, benefits and remedies which are by this present Act provided and limited against any Bankrupt, shall henceforth be pursued & expounded against such person and persons as by the said former Acts of Parliaments are declared or expressed to be Bankrupts. Fiftly, the Commissioners power is illustrated; a doubt, touching examination of Bankrupts wives cleared, and the penalties whereto refractory women are incident, in cases of denying or refusing to be examined, fully expressed. Sixtly, what public punishment shall be on such men or women inflicted, as upon examination shall be either found to have concealed the truth, or conveyed such estates as were theirs, or to them upon trust recommended. Seventhly, the Commissioners authority is enlarged, and to the breaking open of the Bankrupts house, warehouse, chamber, shop, chest or trunk authorized. Eighthly, there is a course proposed, how division and distribution of the Bankrupts Lands and Goods, to the relief of the Creditor shall be disposed, and how to every one a ratable part is to be apportioned. Ninthly, if any Lands, Tenements, Goods, Chattels, Debts, or other estate of any Bankrupt chance to be extended under colour or pretence of being accountant or any way indebted to our Sovereign Lord, his heirs or successors; the said Commissioners are to examine upon Oath, whether the said Debt were due to the said debtor or accountant: And if such bargain or contract was originally made, the said Commissioners are to order and dispose of all such Lands, etc. so extended, to the sole use of the Creditors, who seek relief by the said Commission, and to whose behoof they are to be converted. Tenthly, if any Bankrupt shall with the consent and permission of the true owner and proprietary, have in their possession any goods or chattels, whereof they shall be reputed owners, they shall be by the Commissioners power lawfully disposed, and to the Creditors relief converted, that Debts may be better discharged, and Bankrupts hereafter discouraged. Eleventhly, the time when this authority or power should be to these Commissioners granted, in what manner exhibited, and in what particulars extended. Lastly, if any Ban●… rupt shall convey his estate to any person▪ upo●… condition or power of redemption, the Commissioners, or the greater part of them, before the tim●… of performance of such condition, may make tender or payment of money, or other performance, according to the nature of such condition, as fully as the Bankrupt in his own proper person mig●… have done: Which Condition so performed, the said Lands may by the Commissioners be sold, aliened and disposed to the benefit and relief of the Creditor, for whose redress this Statute was Enacted. For these two provisions annexed, they a●… to you no less prejudicial, then to the Creditor useful.  
Now, my Broken-brethrens, these twelve branches which arise from this one and only Statut●… must be the twelve men which you are to be try●… by. Guilty prit. God send you good deliveranc●…▪ I assure me, there is not one branch of all these which you could not find in your Conscience to break, but the fear of the Pillory makes your Conscience more queasy. It resteth then that we propose certain cautions or directions, whereby the force or virtue of this Act may be frustrated and diverted, your credulous creditors del●…ded, and yo●… from future danger secured: These remedies, receipts (or deceits rather) for prevention, are three▪ Antidating, Insinuating, and Adopting. Antidating of yonr couveyance or State-charter. Insinuating with some eminent Commissioner; Adopting some graceful Courtier to be your Heir or Successor. For the first, it is dangerous to your person if you be discovered; you must walk therefore in the clouds, and hardly trust your own breast with this secret, yet you may recommend it safely to the fidelity of your Scrivener: for both his ears he dare not be your discoverer, you must therefore discourse your thoughts in silen●… 
* Otium & somnum loqui. Tacit. , & be close breasted to your wives, lest they give iutelligence. For I would have you, my shaken brethren, of all others to be wondrous wary, that none of you make your wife your Secretary; for if she know it, your Foreman is sure to be partaker of it: so as, while you make a shift to convey a part, they take course to contract together for the whole. Those men who (as Cosmo saith) carry their heart in their mouth, are more to be pitied then feared: be you none of these pitiful things; cast yourselves rather in Tiberius' mould, who gloried in nothing so much, as in cunningly cloaking his purposes with fair pretences, going invisible, and deluding his Subjects opinions with a seeming good. None can be open and wise; avoid then the former, that you may thrive by the latter. He that will make gain his sole object, must not stick to make dishonesty his path, nor a large Conscience his Inmate. He must 
* Who exiled all liberal Arts, Ne quid usquam honesti oculis occurreret.  Domitian-like, divert his eye from every object of honesty, and every day take a new lesson fro●… the thriving rules of Machiavels policy.  
But for you (my Crazy Consorts) there is nothing so needful in this secrecy of Antidating, 〈◊〉 your intimacy with an expert counterfeiting Scrivener, whose habituate profession in the exquisite grounds of forgery, never brought their Master within suspicion of knavery; whom that you may better know by his character, and by my experienc'●… display, be cautioned to make choice of no Gu●… for your Scrivener; take along with you these personal marks, or accoutrements rather, of his profession. Let him by all means partake much of the Jew, and learn to forget the bashful art of blushing; Let him counterfeit, and that so naturally, as if it were ingraffed in him; an innocent simplicity; to the end he may shroud his actions more covertly. Let the brazen age shine in his forehead, and 〈◊〉 voluble tongue to answer any thing that may be objected. Let him be no Pillorie-man, for I make some doubt whether the Commissioners, by virtue of their Commission, may not make search whether he hath been ever at auricular Confession. To caution him in his trade of swearing when he shall be put to't, I need not; for that is one of their first rudiments when they are Punies. Make this choice and be confident of success, for a crafty knave needs no Broker, nor a cunning Scrivener the brains of a Breaker; and this shall suffice to premonish you touching the mysterious- secrecy of Antidating. Secondly, you must insinuate, and as it were, screw yourself into the respect or affection of some eminent Commissioner, and by grateful arguments of Love, make him your bosom friend and familiar. And if you cannot compass this yourself, recommend the carriage thereof to your wife. Siren's were not men but women, which makes me think, that men are less persuasive than women; let this burden therefore be laid on them. Mean 
* Homines front & oratione magis, quam ipso beneficio, reque capiuntur. Cic.  time, for as much as men of generous quality, whose affections are not subjected to the observance of any, are rather taken with a countenance amiable, discourse affable, and disposition sociable, then with any benefit or bounty whatsoever; you must understand this art or garb of gaining Love, consisteth much in your fashion or conversation; your disposition must be, though inwardly surly, outwardly lovely; you must be passing officious, and force them to a familiarity, though it be by palpable Parasiticall-Sycophancy. But it is much to be feared, that these who be hereto authorized, as they are too wise to be thus deluded, so they are too honest to be depraved; as they are too understanding to be flattered, so they are too upright to be corrupted: for the actions of Great ones have more eyes looking over them than inferiors have, which makes them more circumspect in their behaviour, lest, for want of good take heed, they should incur an heavy 
* Non putam hoc futurum, nunquam hoc eventurum ●…rededissem ecquid in eptius? Seu. de tranq. anim.  Censure. You must then address your course some other way (my endeared Breakers) whereby your provident intendments may be effected, your secret practices, to divert the furious current of this Statute, facilitated, and the Port or Landmark to which you direct your road, prosperously attained. For the acquisition whereof, it were requisite you make choice of such, for protection, as resemble you nearest in your course of Commerce, quality and condition. Now who be these (my brittle-Urinals) but our anfractuous Courtiers? whose glory is like glass, bright but brittle: For Courtiers are most aptly compared to 
* Plutarc.  Counters, which sometime in account, go for a thousand pounds, and presently before the Count be cast, but for a single penny. Cast the account of your own crazie-fortunes, and the allusion will hold. But you will say, by what means may we make these eminent and conspicuous Comets our friends? whereto I answer, by making them your Heirs. Bestow but on them adoption, and they will freely bestow on you their protection; insinuate into their corky acquaintance, and promise them adoption upon your acceptance. Fear not but they will bite, for such kind of fishes will nibble at any bait. You know Vulpones plot, personate him in golden promises, and leaden performance. Make them all your Heirs by adoption, but none by grace. If it be any of your fortunes to grow humerously great with any eminent favourite, your projects to retain him must be more select and exquisite. Admire and honour him at first, like Isis' Statue; afterward, upon more familiarity, tender him rules of parental providence, protesting withal that your hopes are solely treasured in him, and a day will come when you may express it. This will catch my Golden-Gull, and cause him trudge to secure your estate, which he hopes you will preserve and reserve only for his good. If there be any brains left in the sconce of a Courtier, he will labour to free you from the penalty of a Beaker, only to enrich his spruce self, who, he hopes, shall live to be your survivor and successor. This will do admirably well, for not only this Court-Popingey shall be palpably gulled and galled, 
* Dum vult esse praedo, fit praeda. Aug  but your Hereditaments secured, your true intended Heir invested; and what your Providence got, shall by your Prudence be preserved. These courses hold better with thriving policy, and your state's security, then fruitless inventions against the severity of our times, for enacting such wormwood-Lawes against you, as no age heretofore could exemplify the like. Wherein, under favour (my splitted-brethrens) you hold an erroneous assertion; for against Bankrupts, former times may instance the like Constitutions.  
Adrian Ordained, That Merchants, or such as dealt with exchange, by bartering, chievesance, or otherwise engross, or by retail, that broke their Credit or were Bankrupts, without just cause, but only of covetousness, by fraud to enrich themselves and raise a fortune to their posterity; to be set upon the Pillory in the marketplace, and afterwards to be banished Rome for evermore. From whence you may collect how much your censure is qualified in respect of precedent times, where, though Paganism reigned, this Bankrupt-judaisme less raged. Thus my (teare-swoln Termagons) have I briefly touched and couched all such especial receipts, as duly applied, may allay your passion, secure both your state and person, and deliver you from the Cimmerian Jaws of a Tartarian Prison. If this will not afford any cure to your care, no salve to your sore, there is no other remedy in cases of such extr●…mity, but as you have ever within you a testem to condemn you, so have ever in readiness a restem to end you: whereto I commend you, and so leave you.  
May 29. 1624.   

A Prisoners Picture, posture and pressure; all receiving form, feature, life and lineature from this contracted Letter.  
My truly noble and best honoured;  
SInce I last weighed Anchor, and parted from your fleet, where you safely road within Portsmouth; I bore up with a prosperous gale in my tall vessel, called The little Discretion of Cilly: bend upon a discovery. And for my better assistance in the voyage, you know the strength of my Lord Cromwell's Letter of Mart, and so forth. Long I had not tempted the Main, but a merciless Storm most uncivilly drove us upon the extremes of a more cruel Element. For, no sooner came we near the Gulf, but we were grappled by four Turkish-Renegadoes, formerly Christians, and violently brought into the straits, unto Banco, where I now remain Captive. When first I entered this paragan Sconce, more pregnable than Lillo, but far more strong and unsavoury: The grim Sarazin, with a starched Cales beard, which kept the Port, finding me a man of action, declared to me the value of my Ransom: and so sorted me with Rogues, that boasted more of priority, as being Slaves, than the welsh- Cadwalladers do their pedigree. The language of many old Soldiers, had many several tones and accents, but all directed to one sense; That they were very unfortunate, having been laid out Perdues upon so many dangerous executions, yet not to come off with Credit. This Egyptian house of bondage had all the Cannels taken up but one; unto which, when night drew on, a fellow, (whose left hand grasped many Candles, I mistook for the dutch-Lyon on a double Stiver) by the feeble glowing of a farthing Light did convey me. Seven (according to the number of the wise-Masters) were the inhabitants of this pestered Mansion; all save one was couched between bisket-bags, or courser nappery, which once were whitish themselves, though covered with night, tobacco and dark linen, durst not discover there no shirts; But as I drank to them, each contracted his sheet unto a Mandilion: and received his drink. The Captive soul that was up, and as yet uncased, had a Monumental Beaver on, which I presume was free of his Company, for it was throughly craked; a quondam haughty and lofty Crown it had, but now depressed into half the value, flat as a Couchant, and shone like one; fat and tidy it was, and in far better case than his Master; whose meager body did show through the grate of his garment, like a pipers Timbrel. Whether he had breeches or coats on, I still remain doubtful, for they were so tattered, that his lower parts seemed a Satire, and his upper part no less fearful. The more I surveyed him, the more my wonder increased, how Creditors could sit on's skirts, for he had none; fly out he could not, for he had no wings, for his doublet went out but that morning to borrow three pence, and returned with a sleeveless errand: and no wonder, for it was but one only rag of gentile sarsenet, torn slashes, which Geometrically hung like Needles on a Loadstone; and when the bleching sluice of his neighbour's Lungs chanced to open; the fellow (had his shirt been clean) seemed like a Marchpane hanged with Streamers. To conclude; This poor penitent doublet, drenched with tears that had wept out the eyeballs of his buttons, seemed to be a sufficient punished thing, both for his Master's Sins and Debts. This fellow I lay withal, and lost nothing by him; but in the morning, my Mahometan keeper Renaldo placed me in a more pallated Room; where I lay at as brave a hanging Ward, as the Germans Fencer, in the memorable bed of the late suspended Footman, each hour suspecting my suspected delivery.  
Altanus Ponticus.   

Two Poems Penned by the AUTHOR, before his restraint, Entitled  

Loves Lottery and  
The Cuckoo.   
Whereunto are annexed,  

The Trapanner.  
The Tarpolin.  
Messalina.  
An Elegy on Phil. Porter's death.   
With his Farewell to Poetry. Or Motto upon Misery.  
Showing how the Muses are Patronesses of Poverty.   

IPSE DEUS, SUMMUS MAEONIDUM MUSAEUS  

SUNT aliis alii Studiis ab Origine nati;  
Artibus ingenui, deliciisque proci.  
Maeonii Musis sapiunt, opibusque Coloni;  
Sole Comes Scrinii nunc Arethusa mei.   

Ardua magis est provincia Palladis quam Plaustri;  
Studii quam Stivae; Calami quam Coli; Cerebri  
quam Coloni; Mercurii quam Mallei;  
Minervae quam Manubrii.   

" Who truly loves, and cannot loved be,  
" May she lead Apes in Hell; she's not for me.    

Love's Lottery.  

I Pull, God send me fortune in my thank,  
Either a Prize worth having, or a Blank;  
What is it Crier? see the blousing fool,  
How he stands cocking on a buffet stool,  
And speaks his mind in silence! Sirrah, you,  
That stands like to some Beacon, to the view  
Of each beholder, tell me what do'est know,  
Have I a Prize, resolve me yea, or no?  
None; all the better, I am glad thy eyes  
Are not a witness of a worse prize  
Than nothing; it is love for which I d●…w,  
And since I've nothing for myself to show,  
I am made free, that was in fear of thrall,  
Which to avoid, I'll have no Prize at all.  
No Prize, no booty! wellcome-heartily,  
I am prepared, t'embrace my poverty  
With an extended arm, for there is want  
Which makes man happy, as Cleanthes scant  
Living a single life, got knowledge store,  
In which (if married) he had still been poor.  
Yet once I'll pull again, hap what hap can,  
And may my Lot make me a happy man.  
" Happy or hapless d●…le, what ere shall come,  
" I will with cheerful brow receive my doom●…:  
For this I know, if fortune mean me well,  
I shall receive a Lot that doth excel  
So far the lower rank, as flowers grass,  
" Gold lead, my●…he hemlock, diamond the glass.   

Now Sir, what has fate sent us, some cracked piece,  
Not worth receiving? thinkst thou this will please  
A man, whose fortunes stand upon his Prize?  
No sir, I'll ferret out your rogueries.  
This is given out for some virginian travel,  
Some Seagull voyage, and you mean to gravel  
A country Codshead, and to cheat him too,  
Telling him what the Merchants mean to do  
With this grand contribution, but they  
Mean no such thing: such voyages must stay  
Till better opportunity admit,  
And then perchance they will accomplish it.   

And yet what strange pretences do they make,  
" All that they do is for their Country sake;  
And that this expedition will confer,  
Store of estate upon our Islander?  
Then, what rich oar in every cliff abounds,  
The fishie rivers, and fair spacious-grounds,  
That without tillage yield them fruit enough  
Without the help of either Share or plough.  
Besides, what commerce will accrue thereby  
To Albion's people, and her signory,   

Thus our Lot-novices, are drawn to th' bait,  
And brought to bite, not knowing what deceit  
Lies shrouded under covert and pretence  
Or country profit, Dovelike innocence.  
But hear! A prize, and that the greatest of all  
Befallen a Tailor, who upon his stall  
Scarce could sustain his wife and family  
With stealing shreads, and other michery;  
And now's advanced by fortune and his Lot  
To many hundreds: and yet knoweth not  
His better fate, till that some friend of his  
Come to bring tidings of his sudden bliss.  
Where finding him heeling a pair of ●…ose,  
Or such like botcherie, He skrues his nose  
After an upstart- Gallant, leaves his board,  
Which many a piece of stolen stuff can afford:  
Then straight he claps a piece or two in th' hand  
Of his good Nuncio, And thinks what land  
Where best to purchase for his sun and heir,  
(Whose heritage was lists;) then do repair  
His Bakers with their scrolls, and call him cousin,  
With— Item for so many dozen dozen  
All undefraid, yet much they'll not importune,  
Because they hear the islue of his fortune;  
Which they admire with knee and veiled head,  
And now this loopehole must be worshipped,  
Whose Style by letters is engraveu thus,  
The Shrine of Suitor Vestiarius.   

And this the Country gull, no sooner hears,  
Then he is rapt with hope, and therefore bears  
Some stakes of hazard in this Lottery;  
And hopes in time to hit as prosprously  
As ere the yard-man did, and had no doubt  
If that he could with lots have holden out  
Till he had gained his purchase; but how short  
He came of that, his own ears can report,  
Where all he got (so little was his thank)  
For his disbursements was a Paper-blank.  
And yet, O hope, how strong an Orator  
Art thou in thy persuasion! where, thy power  
Extracts content from shadows, telling us  
That such events may fall out thus or thus;  
Which though they have no possibility,  
Yet hope assures them for a certainty.  
This moves us oft, to lose the substances  
And real use of things, for semblances;  
Merely fantastic fictions, which proceed  
From the distemper of an addle head.  
And such Ixion-like make their receipt,  
Too overweening of their own conceit:  
Admiring Merrha-like, what ere they make,  
That nought is good, but what they undertake.  
Where if event prove sometime sinister  
To their intent; they presently aver  
The ground whereon they built the plot was good,  
howsoever the sequel may be understood.  
O strange condition of depraved men,  
Where fancy is distracted, how or when  
Their own affections know not, but proceed  
In their intendments without better heed  
Then purblind Appius in his Cassian lot  
Who for two Roman talents got a groat!  
And was not this an excellent receipt  
For such a sum disbursed? O deceit  
As ancient as authentic! for we see  
Acts of this kind gain an impunity;  
Because those grand. Cayrs that do profit by them,  
Are all too great for poor ones to descry them.  
" Laws are like spiderwebs, small flies are ta'en,  
" Whiles greater flies break in and out again.  
But th' lot I draw's clear of another kind;  
Where many are, of th' Carthaginian mind,  
That brave Arminius, and we follow him,  
Who thought it better far ●…olose then win  
In Hymen's Lottery: yet in affection  
Where single numbers be, there's no perfection  
Because too naked, if that one partake  
" Not of an other, and assume his make  
To make this number complete: but we find,  
Saith Timon, that made perfect in the mind,  
Where Contemplation reigneth, which can be  
Hardly united with Effeminacy.  
True yet the State, if with discretion used,  
And not through wanton dalliance abused,  
Which stains the light of wedlock, may be said,  
And rightly too, of merit honoured;  
Where two divided bodies become one  
by an interior union, bone of bone;  
Having recourse to the Creation, when  
Women had their beginning from us men▪  
So as that Mould which gave to us creation,  
" Being rib-formd gave Woman generation.  
And much I wonder whence these women's pride  
Had propagation! if from Adam's side,  
Why should they glory in their beauties fl●…wrs  
" Since their perfection is not theirs but ours?  
But if (as other Sages do aver)  
Eve took this from her Lawyer Lucifer;  
Why should they such esteem of beauty make,  
But rather hate it for the Serpent's sake?  
Who under colour of commending fair,  
Tells them by art they're fairer than they were;  
Whence 
* These practice how to die well more than to live well.  they become (so pure hath art displaind them)  
Made by themselves, & not as God hath made them.  
Yet some there be whose 
* Which (as St. Ambrose saith) no age shall extinguish, no death can take away, no sickness corrupt. Amb. de Virg. lib. 1.  virtues make them fair,  
And such seem never fairer than they are,  
Whose native beauty doth her light retain,  
Whilst what art danbs, is soon dissolved aganin.  
But stay, a Prize! most welcome, what may't be?  
" A Maid of Diana's train, whose modesti●…  
Is without reach of Scandal; she it is  
That's fallen to thee to consummate thy bliss;  
" Farewell then Contemplation, I have got  
" A rarer prize, and I will take my Lot.    

The Cuckoo.  

Lalus once laughed to hear the Cuckoo sing,  
Thinking it boded some man's cuckolding;  
Where now in Spring, prime season of the year,  
The Cuckoos note sounds harshest in his ear:  
For he, suspicious Sot, doth make his life  
A Scout to school th' abuses of his wife.   

HOw now you stutting Rascal, are you made  
To tax our wife's abuses, and upbraid  
These manlie-horned monsters which appaere  
Not rare, for they're dispersed in every Shear;  
And now have got prescription to maintain  
That they their Predecessors style retain?  
And must a scab, one that's scarce taught to speak,  
With his harsh tongue, our ignominy seek,  
Filling his hateful bill, with 
* Frond rep●…ens rostrum, repetitâ voce la●…essie Acteonem, solitos balbutiendo modos.  hawthorn leaves,  
And pestering poor Act aeon, with new grieves?  
Unnurtured Lozel, canst thou find out none  
To make thy Libel on, but such an one  
That has no time to answer such as thou,  
Having a wife finds him enough to do?  
And must thou sit near to his garden walk,  
And like a stammering gossip begin to talk  
What ere thou sees or hears, nay sometime more  
Than thou didst ever see or hear before?  
Is there no Law against thy impudence,  
No punishment, our wrongs to recompense?  
Me thinks if men of lower rank forbore  
To chastise thee, that hast incensed them sore;  
Yet such as be of higher quality,  
Should with impatience bear such injury.  
And yet these branched great ones when they spy thee  
" Will laugh one at another, and go by thee;  
And misapply thy note, and say, this shame  
Thou lies on honour, toucheth none of them;  
But some silk grogran-Jacket Citizen,  
Whose mincing Minx can limit where and when  
Her Court-eringo trader will repair,  
Whom she is for, while he is for the Fair.  
And yet thou means of them, as well as these,  
And stuts out that which all the world sees,  
Reproving (harsh reproof) the bed of honour,  
Which thus is stained with lust insulting on her.  
Thou Jarring quirister, that wont to sing,  
And carol out thy tunelesse note each Spring,  
Forcing suspicion in the Jealous ear  
Of some long-travailed Merchant venturer,  
Whose fishing far for pearls hath procured  
An angler for his wife, who hath endured  
As many fiery trials in that quarrel  
As Aetna's quarries or Selucus' barrel  
In Tenedos assault: and yet might she  
Enjoy her pleasure with security;  
If thy reporting tenure did not bear  
The news of strange suspicion to his ear.  
Ill-nurtured nuncio, that comes ever first  
Saluting us with tidings that are worst;  
Breathing a jealous spirit to the mind  
Of him that sees his Wife but only kind,  
(And in a modest sort) making him swear,  
That for example's sake, he'll mangle her,  
Inflicting such strange punishment, as time  
Shall brute the act, when ages do decline.  
And is not this brave dealing, when ●… ●…wad  
That hath no tune but one, nor ever had,  
Must descant on our secret practices,  
Which are so closely done, as Lynceus  
With his transpiercive eyes can scarce look thorough  
The night it is so dark, the place so narrow?  
Must man endued with reason's excellence  
Not reap the joy, and benefit of sense  
With an embraced arm, but he must be  
Checked by the harsh note of thy jealousy?  
Is there no honour dew to th' worth of man  
That gains a privilege? No Artisan  
Was ever equal to him, yet in vain  
Hath he expressed his art, when one poor stain  
Can soil his beauty, and eclipse that light  
Which man makes claim of, as his proper right.  
Yet what Bird is there in the spacious wood,  
Or desert forest, that so vainly proud  
Assumes unto herself such daring state,  
As to curb man, or privately to prate  
What she observes or sees, save only thou  
That hast done this, and dost continue too?  
Wood-building 
a Vid. Calimach. & Tibull.  Robin doth the woods refuse,  
And for man's love, to dwell with man doth choose;  
The 
b Vid. Plinium in natural. histo.  Summer-Swallow, though she chattering calls  
Upon her mate, yet will she tell no tales.  
The natural 
c Basilius in Homil. 8. & 9  Stork, when as her parent's age  
Makes them keep home, as penned up in a cage,  
She feeds them with her travail and rebrings  
Store of relief upon her tender wings,  
Whence to remove, if any time they seem,  
She is the hackney that doth carry them.  
The billing bussi●…g 
d Martial. in Epigram.  Turtle thought doth teka  
For nought but for the losing of her mate,  
Whom lost she sighs, as if at his depart  
She lost the better portion of her heart.  
The warbling 
e Faern. in Emblem.  Thrush chants out her cheerful lays,  
Glad at the hea●…t, that Flora now displays  
Her various beauties, and she seems to sing  
A Carol for the Spring times wellcomming.  
The lively 
f Corduelis, quia pas citur à Car dui pilis. Vid. Varr.  Jennet, that is wont to feed  
Upon no other meat than thistle seed,  
Cheers up herself, and with her merry note,  
Shows that content hath ever been her lot.  
Night-mourning 
g O vid. Metamorph. 6.  Philomela forsakes her nest,  
And sings with pricking thorn set to her breast;  
Progne's distress occasioned ruthfully,  
Herself disgraced by Tereus' villainy.  
The jealous, chaste, and pure 
h Alciat. in Emblem.  Porphyrio  
Will have his love, not loved by others too;  
For if a stranger in his bed he spy,  
Death-struck he leaves to live, and loves to die.  
The sprightly 
i Catull. ●…e Mort. Pass. Eleg. 3.  Sparrow, he his yong-ones feeds,  
And as he treads he chirps, and chirps and treads;  
Yet building in our Eaves, it likes him well  
To hear us talk and do what he'll not tell.  
The wanton 
k Sambuc. in Emblem. Avium.  Wagtail chats not what he hears,  
But as our bosom-Counsellor forbears  
To publish aught, though see full well he may  
A thousand play the Wagtails on a day.  
Yea, th' very 
l Ovid. Metam. 6.  Screechowl that may not repair  
To th' place where others privileged are,  
Haunts desert sh●…des, and Cat like, sometime hies  
To Barns and Graners, where she preys on mice,  
But never, Critick-like, will she defame  
The meanest that lives by staining their good name.  
Thou only of all others that remain,  
Displays the fate of Lording and of Swain:  
And justifies the fact, though ne'er so foul,  
And who is't dares thy impudence control?  
Thou may sit brousing on the Hawthorne bough,  
And flout, and fleer, and libel on us too;  
Yet who, though thy harsh voice do ne'er so rate him,  
Dare bring thee in for Scandalum magnatum?  
Thou may be privileged and rest secure,  
Whereas if virtue play the monitor,  
To tax such vices as reign now and then  
Amongst the best and highest-ranked men,  
As she in conscience must; what's her reward  
But present censure, torture afterward?  
here Minos, Radamanth, and Aeacus  
Will be in judgement as censorious,  
As if poor virtue should be forced to dwell  
Where they have their tribunal reered in Hell.  
They'll term her proud, and will avouch it too,  
For what is it these great▪ ones may not do?  
She must (unhappy she) learn to be wise,  
Observe men's humours, learn to temporise;  
Desire to faun on great-ones, and reserve  
An attribute for vice, and ever serve  
A rising spirit, whose expectance gives  
Life to his follower, by which he lives.  
She must reserve a grace to such an one  
Whose honours make him worthy, and bemoan  
The death of such a Lord, or such a Peer,  
Onley to curry favour with his Heir.  
And this must virtue do, or she must starve;  
For Idiot-like (poor fool) she's bound to serve  
In guarded coat, or such like Livery,  
Or die in want, exposed to misery.  
But Let her pass, I hope she will not show  
Respect to them, where she doth nothing owe:  
Such vicious painted-coates, who have no worth  
To glory in, save eminence of birth,  
Or large-extended Manors, all which can  
Add small perfection to the worth of man;  
Who draws his Light, if he look well about him,  
From worth within him, & not wealth without him.  
No, Virtue, no; thou knowest what merit is,  
And canst discern 'twixt true and seeming bliss;  
Thy praises which thou usest to recite,  
Taste not of gain as doth the Parasite,  
Whose oily tongue is so inur'd to flatter,  
As he will praise the man without the matter.  
Nettle vice sharply, for 'tis now high time,  
When she on foot-cloth rides, while such decline  
As bear respect to thee; but let them feel  
What's to put honour's spurr on vices heel.  
And if thou want a Crier to proclaim  
The purport of thy Edict, I can name  
One that will do it, and exactly too,  
Without respect to either high or low.  
Whom if thou ask, to descant on this theme,  
It is the loud-voiced Cuckoo that I mean:  
Whom i'll importune, if thou think it fit  
To play the Crier and to publish it.   

To the Cuckoo.  

NOw Sir to you I must my speech intend,  
That it would please you to be virtue's friend,  
And vices perfect foe; it's her desire  
That you would be, as well you may, her Crier:  
No matter though you stut and stammer too,  
So many Criers, when they be bribed, will do.  
But forasmuch she knows that none at all  
Will in their charge be more impartial,  
She has made choice of you, not for your wit,  
But for your voice, which will this charge befit.  
One Spring will do't, I pray, good Sir, begin,  
And leave your harsh distasteful Cuckowing.  
But you will ask, what may this charge import?  
I'll tell you Sir, for I did call you for't.  
First to display Court vices, which partake  
To much of poison, for example sake;  
For that place, like the Sun, communicates  
Her cheerful beams to men of all estates:  
Whose glory▪ if obscured by any mist  
Of church▪ invading pilsring Simonist;  
Or lukewarm Neuter, roaming heretic,  
Sect-inovatour, itching Scismatique,  
Oppressing Ahab, painted Jezabel,  
Sin-plotting Haman, or Achitophel;  
Treacherous Agent that doth undermine  
His country like another Catiline;  
Profane Puntilio, Buffon, Apple-squire,  
Bloodshedding Cain, that will do aught for hire,  
Bribe-handed favourite or Sycophant,  
That shoulders honour like an Elephant;  
Cinnamon▪ courtier, whose very hide  
Is better worth, than all his parts beside;  
Riotous spend thrift▪ wanton Marmosite,  
Dutch-swilling Hans, Saint-seeming Hypocrite;  
Whose glory if obscured, I say, by these,  
Or any one of such like crudities,  
I●… presently sends out these vapours to  
Such places, where it did her light bestow:  
For the Court exemplar is, and seems to give  
To other Parts the like prerogative.   

Next to unmask, for it will be a ditie  
Worthy the shrillect voice, crimes of the City;  
Where oft is shadowed much impiety  
Under pretence of mere simplicity.  
There if you find a Tradesman whose chief care  
Is to get richesses by deceitful ware;  
A smooth chined Apprentice or a Jorney-man,  
That trades with's mistress linen now and then;  
An English Jew, that consciencelesse inures  
His godless soul to taking forfeitures;  
A roaring Haxter, Pander, Palliard, Bolt,  
Pimp, Snap, Shark, Cheat, or any such like Colt;  
Brothelling Punk, her Champion, or that Ape  
Of man, though woman putting on man's shape;  
If any these, as some of these you may,  
You shall by your quicksighted eye display;  
Sing out amain, and to their ears report  
What they have done, though they beshrew you for't.   

Then to the Conntry, for you there shall hear  
Many a biting-grating- Usurer,  
Rent-racking Lanlord, hoarding Cormorant,  
That's ever dreaming of a seven year want  
Selfe-pining Miser, whose thick-leaved chest  
Contains his gold, the god which he loves best;  
A Prodigal, whose fathers care is brought,  
By his unheady providence, to nought;  
Catchpoule from catch and pull taking his name,  
Whose consciences seered, & face admits no shame;  
Counterfeit Pursuivant, that dares appear  
With forged commission though he lose his ear:  
False-tithing varlet, that will take his book  
He has tithed right, when he has stolen a stooke;  
Brazenfaced Tinker, that with pike in hand,  
Budget on back, bids way-beat traveler stand;  
Shread-miching Patch, hearing what Tailors do  
Above i'th' City, he must pilfer too;  
If these, or any these you chance to find,  
Pay me them home for all that is behind:  
So you shall purchase every man's good word,  
And afterwards be styled virtues bird.   

What Cuckoo, will you turn your haggard tail,  
Shall neither virtue, nor her suit prevail?  
Will not you leave your harsh-offensive note,  
To follow virtue, and to wear her coat?  
Well Sir, I'll paint you out a knave in grain,  
And what I speak, think not but I'll maintain;  
But to particulize your rogueries,  
An endless volume hardly would suffice;  
Some of the, chiefest therefore I'll impart,  
That th' world may know how dangerous thou art:  
Which in a tale, I purpose to relate,  
To make short work, and thus it chanced of late.  
" A zealous brother of the family,  
" By trade a Malster, so religiously  
" Employed himself in mysteries divine,  
" As he was ta'en a mirror in his time;  
" For there was scarce a Sermon preached near him  
" Within seven miles, but he would go to hear him;  
" From morn to night, all Sunday would he fast,  
" Starving his body for his souls repast;  
" And night by night, he would to Church repair,  
" Where he did shout, and bellow out his prayer.  
" In brief, now great in estimation grown  
" With chiefest Famulists in all the town;  
" He was esteemed the only Rabbi there,  
" So great was th' reputation he did bear.  
" And some, as I have heard, did give him power,  
" Or thought him fit to be expositor,  
" Of any point when any one did move it,  
" And ipse dixit was enough to prove it.  
" This holy Brother now grown famous there,  
" And deemed a professed Doctor of the Chair,  
" Moved as the Spirit would, for th' spirit moved him,  
" A Sister loved, and she as dear loved him.  
" These famulists now grown familiar,  
" About Springtime, when birds begin to pair,  
" Upon mature advice resolved either,  
" To marry there, or leave the town together.  
" But forasmuch it was for certain known,  
" This Malster was engaged unto the town,  
" Owing far more than ere he meant to pay,  
" He thought it fit no longer there to stay;  
" But with his holy sister, to prepare  
" To leave the Town, and taste the Country air.  
" This simple Sister doubting no deceit,  
" Addressed herself one evening very late  
" To his direction, closely to depart  
" And follow him who now possessed her heart.  
" Three days they had not travelled on their way,  
" Till resting them about midtime of day,  
" Under a blooming Haw-thorne, they did hear  
" The Cuckoo sing ne'er th'place wherein they were:  
" And over them he hovered, as if they  
" Had been the persons which he would display;  
" A Hawthorne leaf, he in his beak would put,  
" And than would stut, and sing, and sing, and stut.  
" Which th'zealous brother noting once or twice,  
" Now jealous grown, straight from his place did rise,  
" Using these words: Nay, if the birds of th'air,  
" Whose gift I know in prophecy is rare,  
" Foretell what shall befall my lot and me,  
" And in the Sky thus blab my destiny;  
" Sister farewell, return from whence you came.  
" I will not wive to wove the web of shame.  
" How ill his Sister took this foul retreat  
" Of that Saint-seeming faithless counterfeit,  
" May hence appear: for I have often herded  
" She fell into distraction afterward,  
" Though I suppose She greater reason had  
" To be surprised with joy, then to go mad  
" For love of such a hairebraind Sot as he,  
" Famous for nought save for his perjury.  
Now Sir, to whom may I impute this wrong  
Done to this Maid but to your luckless Song,  
Which so perplexed th' vow-breaking miscreant,  
As she, poor she, must now her Darling want,  
And live deprived of love and life together,  
Running distractedly, she knows not whither?  
But (good Thalia) whose blessed influence  
Gives sweetness of discourse and utterance;  
Thou y● hast power o'er tongues, restrain his tongue,  
And make this bawling Cuckoo henceforth dumb;  
So yearly Maids shall to thy Shrine resort,  
And free from jealous Tell-tales thank thee for't.     

A 
* Vivitur ex rap●…o.  Trapanner.  

LOok to your Brain-pans, Boys;— here comes a Train  
Of Roisting- Rufflers that are knaves in grain.  
No corner can secure you; they'll rush in  
And strip the downy Gosling to his Skin.  
Yet they'll accost you with a civil greet,  
And with Shark-cringing congees brush your feet.  
Nay, they'll encounter you with curtsies too,  
Before they practise what they mean to do.  
— 
a Their first encounter.  Pray Sir excuse us that by chance are come  
In this intrusive manner to your room.  
But we'll redeem our error:— Drawer bring  
Bottells of Sack drained from th' Hesperian Spring,  
Where th' Watchful 
b The Hesperian Sisters, who kept their constant sentinel over those golden Apples, which Alcides after took away.  Sisters kept their sentinel;  
— Quick, Rogue, we cannot brook a second call.  
Mean while this wilke, who near saw any clime,  
But his Dad's pale, or pantry all his time:  
Nor ever viewed Luds-Tarases before,  
Begins to tremble when they▪ gi'en to roar.  
A feverish qualm surpriseth every part,  
His vital heat plays rebel to his heart;  
His chilled senses, cold as any stone,  
Partakes no other itch but to be gone:  
But he finds Remora's; He escapes not so,  
Whole troops of healths come pealing on a row.  
This to this Prince's Hero; this to that  
Enamelled fancy Dangling on his hat;  
This to his Bracelet; This to that choice String  
Impales his hair; This to his Diamond ring;  
— This to his Gippo; to his Agate watch;  
This to his Tuck charged with a double hatch;  
This to the Microcosm of this spruce youth,  
With his auspicious welcome to the South.   

Round run these Healths, far rounder runs his brain,  
Though surfeit sick, 'tis folly to complain.  
And now this birth grown full and perfect too,  
Which yet aspi●…'d but to an Embryo:  
A 
c A Pickhatch Girl new-casten in a Ranters Mould.  gaudy-giddy-giglet is conveyed,  
A virgin pure, as any Hackney Maid,  
Thick daubed with Ceruse, Stibium, & Vermilion,  
Like Ericina's amorous Pavilion;  
A rare sense-seazing Tweak, whose Speaking eyes  
And Spintrian art, complete this Enterprise.  
For when they cannot press him to offence,  
They must commence a quarrel by pretence.  
But these no more his edg●…esse fancy please  
Then Lais Lures did cold Zenocrates.  
Yet left he must be to this 
d Daughter to Sol and Persis.  Circe's charms  
Like to a Lambkin in a Tigers arms.  
For his seer pulse though nought be wrought upon,  
These Blade's 
e Their pretence is to Slice this Brain-strap into Sippets: or mince this Land-gull into a galle-maufrey. No hope, unless his pocket purchase him a reprieve.  rush in, as if the Feat wer●… done,  
And in this sort accost him:—" 'Slid my Wife!  
" Canst thou redeem her honour, with thy life?  
" My Sister, says another! Leave't to me,  
" It is a Stain laid on my family.  
" My Cousin, says a third!— I'll flay his Skin,  
" And pound him into mummy for his Sin.  
" 1. Actaeon me!  
" 2. Distain my ancient house!  
" 3. Corrupt my Cousin!— Hark Boys, a carouse  
" Shall quart it in his blood,  
" 1. I'll second it!  
" And expiate what folly did commit.  
" Who could have thought this downy Lapwing would  
" To such extremes his reputation sold?  
" But we shall prune his wings, and sere his crest,  
" And leave him n●…'re a feather to his Nest.  
The Dwindling Shallop in this grand dispute  
Sits silent all the while as any 
f Relating to the Turkish Mutes.  Mute,  
Reft both of sense and accent: and must die  
Were no compass'onat Complice standing by  
To soften their resolve: Compose this strife  
By begging pardon for this Wigeons' life.  
The Motion's made; and they incline unto't,  
So they may plunder Him from head to foot:  
His substance he's contented to forgo,  
To save his life, and holded a curtsy too.  
" 1. This Beaver, says the first, falls to my due;  
" 2. This Diamond shall to my lot accrue;  
" 3. This Scarlet Gippo and his Agget-Watch  
" Fall to my share, they may advance my Match;  
" 4. His Belt and Tuck are mine;  
" 5. His Suit I claim  
To hang up for an Ensign in Long-lane.  
The act's performed; the weakest goes to wall,  
The Naked man is left, to pay for all.  
No 
g Two select Societies distinguished by Severull coloured Ribbons: and sworn to a Platonic Community.  Bugle Blew, nor frisking Titire tu  
Could be compared to this frontless Cru.  
No Land-sharke of such metal, in our Isle  
As this TRA-PANNER:— eye his State and Style.  
Others can play the Cheats, but short of these  
Who shrowded their shame, by shameless Dabrides▪  
And make their Doxies Agents, to secure  
Their subtle Projects with a sugared Lure.    

A Tarpaulin.  

Tarpaulin is a Sea-Rat or a Shark,  
A Barnicle bred of the Aegean foam,  
A Passenger shut from Noah's ancient Ark,  
And since a Bandite-Galley-Slave become,  
I' th' liquid Region destined to a Tomb.  
This quality by nature's to Him given,  
To pray on men, but seldom pray to heaven:  
Unless there be a Storm; which passed, his breath  
Braves Fate, though distanced but three 
* Nauta tribus digitis gaude●… divisus ab undis; Incip●…ens satis prospice Nau●…a tuis. Marian.  inch from death.    

Upon our Ages MESSALINA, insatiate Madonna, the matchless English- Corombona.  

HERE lies Lust, Revenge, Defame.  
Woe to man, to woman sh●…me; Fair and false, as great as ill,  
Weak in Grace, but strong in Will.  
Honour's blemish, Hymen's stain,  
Virtue's poison, Beauty's bane,  
Albions-Siren, tyrant-woman,  
Faith-infringer, true to no man;  
Femall-Divell, plots contriver,  
Worths-tormenter, life's depriver;  
Tragic actor, blood effuser,  
Time's corrupter, States-abuser;  
Brothel-Turner, virgin-Trader,  
Husband-hater, Lusts-perswader;  
Ages-monster, youths-deflourer,  
Worlds-rumor, wealths-devourer;  
Painted-Idol, Arts-new-creature,  
Lady in a Page's feature;  
Soil to the soil where she was bred,  
Poisoning most where she was fed;  
Vices-harbor, times quotation,  
Double trothed by Dispensation;  
Nights deere-Minion, Lights abjurer,  
Souls-eclipser, sinnes-securer;  
Vault of darkness, horrors-Heire;  
Child to Mischief and Despair;  
Saint-appearing, maid-protesting,  
Yet both Saint and Maid molesting;  
Saint with sorrow, Maid with fury,  
Tried by a woman-Jurie;  
Seeming-tryed, yet was afraid  
To be censu●…'d for a Maid;  
Therefore chused a Maid indeed  
To be searched in her steed;  
Masked, for so did shame require,  
Suited in her own attire;  
Thus she passed undescryde,  
Found a Maid, yet never tried.  
One th●… knew the way to marry  
Not by Priest but Pothecary;  
Who●…e Receipts, which Art allowed her  
To appli●…, were Spider's powder,  
Cop●…rice, Vitriol, which in part  
Showed her skill in Chemic art.  
Thus sh●… lived, and thus she died,  
Serpent's brood, and Satan's bride,  
Pitied lest when most distressed,  
Hated most when envied lest:  
So as question may be made,  
Whether that her Corpse now laid  
And interred in Nature's breast  
Will endure in Earth to rest,  
Or her ashes after death  
Will not with infectious breath  
Stain that holy plot of ground,  
Where her lustful- Corpse are found.  
But howe'er her body be,  
Sure I am that infamy  
Will ne'er leave her, but will have  
Still her foot upon her Grave.  
Graving this upon her Tomb  
As a Theme in time to come:   

Here lies young Messalina, whose foul lust,  
Piosed with revenge, proves thus much; God is just!  
For heat of lust, immixed with height of blood  
Had never deeper die in Womanhood.    

PHIL. PORTERS Elegy: In answer to a Libelling Ballader, seeking by his mercenary Pen, to traduce his honour.  

CEase Ballader; in censuring PHILLIP PORTER  
Thou dost but bray thy Brainpan in a Mortar.  
He was a Man of men, and women too,  
And could do more than Others Hector's do.  
For th' Style of Honour he stood stiff upon't,  
And would far sooner give then take affront.   

Besides, he showed compassion all his life  
In taking a doomed 
* A Cap●…ive in N●…wgate, shortly after executed at Ti●…urne.  Prisoner to his wife,  
Saying," She should be cheered before she die;  
" Wedding and hanging go by destiny.  
In one word, none to Fortune less beholden,  
Who was in Fare more choice, nor Pocket golden.   

His death divined a rare Prophetic fate  
By his prevention of an Act of State;  
Where Hector's are a strict account to give  
How, and by what ways, their ranting humours live:  
For armed with resolution, he thought fit  
To pass from hence before he answered it.  
Should Death thus seize on all our ruffling Fry,  
That Act might cease, because the Actors die.    

His farewell to Poetry. Carmina secessum, scribentis & otia quaerunt.  

BOOKS fare ye well! your Author now is hurled  
Like a transformed thing into the World.  
Now am I grown as like as like may be  
To earth-turned Chremes in the Comedy;  
Now must I take more care than doth become me,  
For many Items which have quite undone me.  
Item for soap and candles are but small,  
Compared with those that I've to deal withal.  
My cares be many, though my coin be more,  
Which add affliction to my careful store.  
Those Tales which I on winter nights have told  
When I was casten in a merry mould,  
And those same Songs where of I had such choice,  
Not only I've forgot, but lost my voice.  
I who of late so cheerfully did look,  
And with a wench could drink a Sillibooke,  
Am of that ashy hue, scarce one 'mong ten  
Can know me now, that knew my visage then.  
Yea, I'm so muddy grown, as now of late  
I can scarce laugh at any good conceit;  
Yea, one may talk to me a summer day,  
And I ne'er hear one word that he doth say;  
So clotted am I grown with worldly pelf,  
As I much fear I shall forget myself.  
If I but miss the key of such a chest,  
Till I have found it I can take no rest,  
For I am jealous still and full of care  
Lest some base knave should in my fortune's share.  
Besides, when rest should my lulled senses keep,  
Strange visions startle me, and break my sleep.  
Sometime I see a shark, which makes me shake,  
The keys of all my treasure slily take  
Under my pillow; and awaked with fear,  
Me thinks I catch the Rogue fast by the ear;  
But coming to myself, I find right soon,  
My hand upon no Rogues ear but mine own.  
Strait in a broken slumber do I hear  
Fire, fire (me thinks) resounding every where,  
Which fear of fire begets in me desire  
To piss my bed, that I may quench the fire.  
Much better was my State, and far more free,  
When I remained i'th' University;  
Where as I had nought, so I cared for nought,  
But for the pitch of knowledge, which I sought:  
Having both cheerful sleep, and healthful air,  
And Stomach too, howsoever my commons were.  
What choice delights were then afforded us  
In reading Plutarch, Livy, Tacitus,  
Or the Stagyrians rare Philosophy,  
Whereto the Indieses may not compared be  
With all their precious oar; For I did find  
No Mine on earth could so enrich the mind?  
But see how I am changed from what I was!  
For now I prise more Isis goldan Ass,  
Who has more means than brains, than such an one,  
Whose parts are many, though his means be none.  
Besides, no Authors can I brook to read,  
But such as in me hope of profit breed.  
I have no time to think of Conscience  
For timely thrift, and Ant-like providence.  
I weigh no Protestant nor Catholic,  
Give me a Georgick or a Bucolick,  
To teach me what a Grazer doth befit;  
And for my tillage how to husband it:  
Yea, lest I err in rules of husbandry,  
An Erra-pater keeps me company,  
To tell me which are good-dayes, which are ill,  
And this I keep close in my bosom still.  
With Pallingenius too I oft converse,  
Whose sense I relish better than his verse;  
Where I collect by th'influence of each Star,  
What year is mark`d for famine, what for war;  
And if I find a dear year like to be,  
My store shall make that year my Jubilee.  
Nor have I only bid my Books a dieiss,  
But ye that are good-fellows, unto you;  
For what should I do sitting of a shot,  
Who set more by my penny then my pot?  
'Tis strange to see, how with a little state,  
I'm wholly metamorphosed of late.  
Before I could not brook to have a moat.  
(So brisk and spruce I was) upon my coat:  
Now earth's affections are to me so moving,  
As I am grown a very arrant sloving.  
Besides, I feel a misery in store,  
For I am far more sparing then before.  
My care of thriving makes me one of those.  
Who ride their Gelding barefoot to save shoes.  
Nor can I be dissuaded from the same,  
Till under me I feel my Palfrey lame.  
The smallest trifle makes me discontent,  
And with my household so impatient,  
As all the day I chafe, I fume, I fret,  
And for no cause at all my servants beat.  
If any Neighbours do less than become them,  
I presently commence a suit upon them;  
And for a Goose-gate (that I more may spite them)  
Of trespass at next Sessions I'll indite them;  
So as of late, by trifling Suits I'm grown  
The Commonst-Barretter in all our town.  
And for as much as I do know the fashion  
Is now a days bartering Impropriation  
And Presentations too, it is my thrift  
To seem to give, yet profit by my gift:  
Free from which crime, of beneficed men,  
It's very rare to find one among ten.  
For Simony is such a common sin,  
More Prelates by the window do get in  
Then by the Door, so as my manner's now  
To wipe my mouth, and do as others do;  
For I do hold that rich Drones doctrine best,  
Who though he cannot preach, can cram my chest,  
For my Donation then who will come by it,  
Be he ne'er so sufficient, he must buy it.  
More than all this although I know no sorrow  
May of more baseness his beginning borrow,  
Then to lament, as many worldlings do,  
The sudden loss of either Ox or Cow;  
I'm grown so tender hearted as I'll cry,  
And like a child put finger in the eye  
For every nislle, and distracted run,  
As if my State were utterly undun.  
So as I'm grossly pointed at by some,  
And called old Mammon wheresoever I come;  
Though neither I, my Marmosite nor page,  
Can make amongst us fifty years of age.  
Besides, if any Debtor now of mine  
Should chance to Bankrupt before his time,  
And leave me in the lapse; I'm so oppressed  
With grief, as night nor day I take no rest,  
But roving here and there, as one forlorn,  
I wish the morn were night, the night were morn.  
Early before 't be light I fetch the Statute,  
Where all the day long I am poring at it,  
To see if it will tender me relief  
To ease my State, cure care, allay my grief;  
Which if I cannot find, I pule and cry,  
And like a bulrush hang the head and die.  
And yet I die not (this my fates forbid)  
Though happy were my Neighbours if I did:  
For next time I come out to take the air)  
Though for my wealth then health I take more care)  
I presently some pretty Toft espy,  
Which to my own conveniently doth lie;  
And he's a very Naboth that doth owe it,  
Which makes me hope in time to creep into it;  
For I do wish a famine but to see,  
And sure I am his Toft will fall to me;  
For either want of bread will disestate him,  
Or to the naked bones I mean to grate him.  
I am to th' ears in Law, nor do I care  
Though I lose by't; my purpose is to spare  
So much at least in dole-dayes to the poor  
As will maintain my Suits of law and more.  
The other day, my friend made me an offer,  
But I set light by th' curtsy he did proffer,  
That I might Knighted be, if I would buy it,  
Whereto I answer made, I'd rather fly it,  
Then purchase such a state by which I lost,  
For th' Proverb is, much worship and much cost.  
All my discourse, when any visit me,  
Is to inveigh against Prodigality,  
And what distempers our excess doth breed,  
In hope my guests more sparingly will feed;  
Lest they should surfeit, which were hard to do,  
For all my dishes are but one or two.  
This my discourse store of examples hath,  
As Adam, Lot, Moses, Methuselath,  
Who lived many healthful days no doubt,  
Yet best of their provision was a root:  
Why should not same provision at this day  
Content our liqu'rish tastes as well as they?  
Yet thanks unto my Stars, I am as able  
To feed as freely at another's Table,  
And with as luscious fare delight my taste,  
As those that had their breeding in puff-paste.  
Yea, mark th' extent of misery in this,  
My hyde-bound▪ Nature so restrained is,  
As for this twelve month I was never found  
To ease myself within another's ground;  
Because I would be very loath to see  
Any man's Land made fruitfuller by me;  
For all the good I may or ever can,  
I wished myself, and to no other man.  
Besides, I them so surprised with my estate,  
As I've no Stomach to my meat of late;  
Like to a Picture made of dough, mop I,  
While others gourmandise it that sit by:  
I all a dinner time scarce eat a bit,  
But muse how I may such a Purchase git,  
Yea, Midas-like, if I might what I would,  
I could wish all my meat were turned to gold;  
So should I quickly without more ado,  
Famish myself and all my meinie too.  
Before, my care was how to prise my health,  
And next my health, my wench, above all wealth;  
Wherein I showed compassion to the poor,  
In clothing now and then my naked whore;  
Where now I' m more perplexed than can be told,  
If my Tweak squeeze from me a piece of gold;  
For, to my Lure she is so kindly brought,  
I look that she for nought should play the nought.  
Besides all this, since I came to such wealth,  
If I enjoy my Wench, it is by stealth;  
For store of eyes are on me, and report  
May bring a Rich man to the Chapter-Court:  
Where, in bare fees, I might much money spend,  
Although the Commissiarie be my friend.  
I care not much if every Month were Lent,  
Not that I mean the sooner to repent,  
For I no Sac-cloth wear, nor ashes neither,  
But that I and my house might starve together:  
Yea, fasting I commend so much the more,  
Because spare-Dyet doth preserve my store.  
I have ta'en a course nought in my house to keep  
Save Rats and Mice, shall eat when I them a sleep.  
For Reputation, I so lightly prise it,  
I hold him only wise that doth despise it:  
Yea, this shall be the mark whereat I pitch,  
Rather to be dishonest than not rich.   

Well, if these be the fairest fruits of Wealth,  
I hold him blest has liberty and health;  
For who will desire that Treasury to keep,  
That reaves him of his meat and of his sleep;  
Yea mads him too, for thus much sure I am,  
No Worldling ever yet was, his own man?  
I will not play the Ass thus, nor contemn;  
The only sweet society of men:  
The devil shall have it first, hows'e●…e I seem,  
(The Devil at St. Dunstan's I do mean)  
Rather then like a Stoick-worldling strive  
To hoard up that would famish me alive.  
At Ducks and Drakes we on the Thames will play  
And pave the street with gold to Halloway,  
Next day, my Boys, at Ratcliff we will make merry,  
And bring our Suburbs Tweaks, down in a wherry.  
From thence to Rumford, where I mean to roar;  
Thus shall my Sharks share in a rich man's store:  
For Minus rule shall my direction be,  
I will rather drown my Wealth, than i●… dro●…n me.    


AN AGE FOR APES  
Ultimus hare's Domus es licet Prodigenil maeres  
In Flumina, Lumina verta  
Imsavire gregem, ridens volo    

His Vision.  

CLose by a Rill, where Springs sweet murmuring kept,  
I took a book to read, and reading slept;  
And whilst I slept, presented were such shapes  
Of wanton Monkeys, Marmosites, and Apes;  
As more I gazed, I mused still the more  
To note their shapes and habits which they wore.  
For One took on him state, and at a feast  
Sat as he had been some great Lord at least:  
Those that with all obeisance did salute him,  
Were Parasite and Sycophants about him;  
Who with Earth-scraping congees dev●…y show  
To this State-Marmosite Magnifico   

The next, a pleasant Ape, came to my sight,  
And he was all for pastime and delight.  
He played such tricks, I thought some Faun begat him,  
And I had like awaked with laughing at him.  
Now would he skip upon a Lady's bed,  
Then down again, as one had surfeited;  
Straight for some other pleasure took he care,  
As how to get choice Harriers for the Hare,  
Or with what Hawk to make his evening fl●…ght,  
Or with what Consorts pass the weary night:  
So as me thought each hour he did complain him,  
Wanting some new device to entertain him.   

The third held in his claw a verbal story  
Larded with airy titles of vainglory;  
Wherein his carpet honour was displayed,  
For th' painted flag confirmed what ere he said:  
And this same Ape did for his Seamen call  
As if he had been some great Admiral,  
Who had command; or else been thither sent  
To keep in awe the liquid regiment.  
His Styles were many, and of such esteem,  
I mused much at first what they did mean;  
So as I asked one Ape that stood hard by,  
What had he done to gain such dignity?  
Why, nought at all (quoth he); for all his store  
Of Titles now, he was sometimes as poor  
As meanest of us all: but this same Ape  
Hath gained him estimation by his shape;  
Which makes him so vain glorious as h●…e is,  
Prising ●…o▪ man's deserts so great as his.   

Having ta'en full and perfect view of him,  
As he went out an other Ape came in  
Tide round with ribbon favours which he beware  
About his wrist, or in his ear and hare;  
The Ape of fancy termed he well might be,  
For Ape had never more variety  
Of Ties, Toys, Rings and Bracelets, which he said  
Were each one booties from a several Maid,  
Whose hearts he held, so lovely were his parts,  
And might be rightly styled the King of Hearts.  
An amorous Ape he was, fixing his eye  
On his Spectators as he passed by;  
For self conceit of his deserts did move him  
To think none looked upon him, did not love him.   

No sooner was he vanished, than an Ape  
Of complete fashion, and unequalled shape  
Approached methought, who as he drew more nigh,  
He struck more admiration in mine eye;  
For clothes he wore were all of distinct fashion,  
And had a taste each one of several Nation.  
His quilted doublet French, his hat Polonian,  
His breech Italianate, his boots Ionian;  
Y●…a view his formal Suit from head to foot,  
Seven Countries were at least required unto 't.  
Yet though his limbs were neat, his face was hard,  
And set with Rubies like an Aenobarbe;  
So as when ere he came in public place,  
He had a mask to sconce his fiery Face.  
Yet I p●…rceiv'd of all the Apes that were,  
None more esteemed than was this Traveller;  
For he was most accomplished, and did seem  
By help of foreign Courts where he had been  
Of choicest Entertainmeut, though his fashion  
Appeared to me an apish affectation:  
" For that is best which with ourselves is bred,  
" And not from other Nations borrowed.   

Next this, an other made himself expressed,  
By seeming wiser far than all the rest;  
An Ape of Observation, who pretended  
He was from matchless Machavel descended,  
And unto such mysterious knowledge come,  
He knew what ere was done in Christendom.  
Nor was his knowledge grounded on pretence,  
But Speculation and intelligence:  
So as more treasures were hid in his brain  
Then all the Seventy Provinces contain.  
Yet did I smile to see how th' rest did grin,  
And mop, and mow, and flout and fleer at him;  
For though he seemed all others to surpass,  
He was esteemed a self-conceited Ass,  
Whose Observations were not worth a strew,  
Nor knew he more than all the World did know.  
But yet some still would praise him to the sky,  
Style him the masterpiece of policy,  
And with their oily tongues extol him so,  
As on these Fauns he would whole Farms bestow.  
This made me laugh, that such a simple Ape  
Should of himself grow so opinionate,  
As he would have the world to believe  
The wisdom of the wise hung on his sleeve.   

But while these Apes & all their pranks were shown,  
A Silken Ape came in and put them down;  
His breath was nought but perfume, and his skin  
As sleeke and smooth as any Lady's chin;  
Ranke-set with gold and pearl was his coat,  
As if he had been one of special note.  
Yet when he had shown all that he could show,  
One whispering in mine ear; said he, I know  
This gilded Trunk, this rotten painted Tomb,  
And how of late he's to this glory come.  
" This Cinnamon Tree, quoth he (for his proud hide  
" Is better worth than all the bulk beside)  
" took first plantation in the I'll of Wight  
" From whence he, forced with famine, took his flight;  
" But ere this wag did to a beard aspire,  
" He was by fortune made an Applesquire  
" To a right active Lady, who 'tis said,  
" Advanced him from the Basket to her Bed.  
" Since which auspicious fate, he did resort  
" Like one of Cynthia's followers, to the Court,  
" Where he remains as spruce, you see, as may be,  
" Fed only by reversions from his Lady.  
" Yet note this Court-Ape, and you shall observe  
" Moore state in him, than those who best deserve!  
" Rich is his Robe, his presence scornful too,  
" For he on better men will scarce bestow  
" Lest semblance of respect, so proud is he  
" To those where he should most respective be.  
" Yet what are his deserts, that they should seem  
" Worthy such congees or so great esteem?  
" Perchance this Ape can court; admit he can,  
" This makes him not a complete Gentleman.  
" Dare he with resolution enter list  
" With his Opponent or Antagonist?  
" Dare he contend for honour in the Field,  
" And yield up life before one foot he yield?  
" No, dainty milksop, these would soon out dare him  
" He must not fight, his Lady cannot spare him.  
This said, this Court-Ape thought he was displayed  
By that long private whispering we had made;  
So, as one conscious of some special crime  
Which this neat Youth had acted in his time,  
He straight retired; To stay, none could entreat him,  
Till that the Citie-Ape by chance did meet him.  
Who after due salutes in seemly sort,  
" As, Brother Ape, when will you come to Court  
" To see a Mask; or, if you think not fit  
" To come yourself, your wife may visit it.  
With equal thanks, his curtsy to requite,  
The Citie-Ape did tender him the like;  
" If he unto the Exchange would but repair,  
" And make his choice of such rare knacks were there.  
The Court-Ape took his leave, his leave was light,  
While th' Citie-Ape displayed him in my sight:  
In comely habit, and of grave aspect;  
Yet was there one thing I did disaffect,  
Which to my view, was represented there,  
And long ere this had cost the City dear.  
For still me thought this Ape could ne'er find any  
To consort with, though there were Consorts many,  
But that same Ape of Honour, who did look  
As if he meant to get into his Book;  
Which was his aim, and therefore did embrace him  
As his dee●…bosome friend; For so to grace him  
Would, as he thought, be th' way to tie him to him;  
To tie him! No, but rather to undo him.  
Yet see this credulous conceited Ape,  
He credits the protestations he doth make,  
And to the utmost of his State he proffers  
To give him trust, and he accepts his offers.  
Nor skils it much what gain he means to reap,  
" He that will never pay, gets ware good cheap.   

These had not long conferred, but I might see  
A Country-Ape attired flovenlie,  
And he was ever poring on the ground,  
" Counting how many pence came to a pound:  
An Almanac he had within his breast,  
On whose judicious Rules he set his rest;  
For they did calculate (for so he thought)  
Whether his Heir would thrive or come to nought.  
He held no happy days were worthy naming,  
But such as spoke of some ensuing Famine;  
Which having found, with ceremonious show  
He kissed the Book, and blest the Author too.  
For this same Ape (as he appeared to me)  
Was for engrossing, biting Usury,  
And all oppression, so surpassing cunning,  
As all his Country had their hand●…ulls on him.  
Which other Apes observing, had displayed him  
In worse terms before he had conve●…'d him;  
But, by a private path or passage, he  
Retired himself, and gained him liberty.  
Thus did this Worme-sprout shield him from their hate,  
Or he had paid for wronging of the State.   

Next him a Rotchet-Rooke, the slough of sloth,  
Looked as he had ten Steeples in his mouth:  
For Silence had so charmed this Moth of men,  
As since he preached he could not tell day when,  
Yet had this witless Bird-bolt so much reason,  
That he could make himself a Diocesan,  
By Symoniack-Contract, and dispense  
(For an usurped Pale) with Conscience.  
With great ones too He could insinuate,  
Sow pillows to their sleeves to'enhance his State.  
Close to the poor was his penurious fist,  
But for Church-livings a Monopolist.  
For his Religion, howe'er he use it,  
he's not so well resolved but he could choose it;  
Whether a Rhemist, Calvinist or Luther,  
Or what sits his profession best, a Neuter.  
Care of a wife and numerous progeny  
Excludes all rites or rules of sanctity.  
Who for his family provides not well,  
Is worse, you know, than any Infidel.  
Yet this Levitick progeny, I wis,  
Might be his Chaplains brood as well as his.  
But still, me thought, this Porpoise could not keep  
His leaden eyes from falling fast asleep.  
For fumes of wine had so surprised his brain,  
After midday he could not wake for Spain:  
So as, me thought, I left him to his rest,  
Leaning his driuling chin upon his breast.   

Close as the shadow doth the body follow  
Came in an Ape far wiser than Apollo,  
Or all the Sages which renowned Greece,  
If one could judge by outward semblances:  
But still, me thought, as he assayed to break  
His mind, an Asthma would not let him speak.  
Corruption did oppress him out a cry,  
With a black▪ jaundice which had seized his eye.  
Nor Arguments with him were worth a straw,  
Unless they had relation to the Law.  
Authors were Heathen Greek and disallowed,  
Because they were not by him understood.  
A rout of raged Law▪ drivers did attend him,  
Which from a Bastinado did defend him,  
But he persuaded these to let them pass,  
Terming his Gown his Supersedeas.  
So heavy were his eyes, he seemed to me  
Surprised with some fearful Lethargy,  
Or by the Nightmare rid, or at some Show  
An Epicureall Feast had made him so;  
So as to bed his Followers did take him,  
Enjoining silence lest they should awake him.   

Asleep no sooner was the Synod- Ape,  
But a grave reverend Sire his place did take;  
His words were maxims, aphorisms profound,  
Sententious morals, and positions sound,  
His answers solid; if he chanced to jest,  
It was a pregnant Apothegne at least;  
In brief, so rarely wise he did appear,  
Some Solon or Lycurgus seemed there.  
And yet me thought his aims did ever tend  
More to a private than a public end:  
For he had been a Politician ever,  
And could such rules of Policy deliver,  
As I may swear wheres'ever I have been,  
The Sages were but Novices to him.  
Yet were his Axioms dangerous to maintain,  
For he did hold, No man could ever gain  
And hold concurrence with Religion too,  
And therefore thought it best to make a show  
Of what we least profess, and to dispense  
In State affairs, with Faith and Conscience.  
" For if ye will be truly wise (quoth he)  
" Be what ye seem not; seem what least ye be.  
Now this Political time-studied Ape  
Could soon transform himself to any shape;  
For if with holymen he had to deal,  
He could pretend a counterfeited zeal;  
If with the Worldling, he could worldly seem,  
And nothing less than of devotion dream;  
With the voluptuous he could likewise share,  
As if delight and pleasure were his care;  
And, in ●… word, no humour do I know,  
He could not frame his pliant mind unto.   

But ripe in age, discourse lulled him asleep,  
While a scorched Ape did from a Limbeck creep;  
For he in Chemic arts had spent his wit,  
And yet had little got but smoke for it.  
He of no Subject talked but still of one,  
And hoped at last to get th'▪ unvalued Stone,  
And Kellie-like, whose Art did Art surpass,  
Of Latin Silver make, and gold of brass;  
Yea in his house he would not leave a kettle  
But should be changed into the purest mettle.  
For wit and wealth, poor Ape, were so bereft him,  
As in his house a kettle scarce was left him.  
This All-a-mist, or Apish Alchumist  
Dreamed he had both the Indies in his fist;  
Golden-oa●…'d Tagus, Ganges, Pactolus,  
Were held by him as merely fabulous;  
Out of one Cauldron he more gold could gather,  
Then these rich shores were worth, or Indies either.  
It was rare sport me thoughr, to see him nod,  
Strut like a stalking-horse, and point, and plod,  
And laugh at his device as if he'd found it,  
When he and all his shallow wits were grounded.  
One day (quoth he) Boys, we'll be passing merry,  
When all the Candle sticks in Lothberrie  
By my mysterious Art which I uphold,  
Shall be transfused into Angel▪ gold,  
Yea not a Spit, Jack, or Landiron there,  
But like to Ophirs metal shall appear.  
Thus he discoursed, but prated little after  
He saw the Apes were like to burst with laughter.  
But specially amongst all the rest was One,  
An unthriv'n meager Ape, but skin and bone,  
Who with a Critic visage did deride  
This Chemic Monkey more than all beside.  
Nor was it rare; for he could ne'er afford  
Any amongst them all the least good word:  
So tart he was and eager of his tongue,  
As he would seldom speak, but he would wrong  
Some in their name, fame, honour, or esteem;  
And this his use and custom still had been.  
Besides, on Palmistry he was affected,  
And by an Erra-Pater had collected  
Some erring rules of Art, which he professed,  
And in each Village made himself expressed.  
Where he pretended rules Political,  
Auspicious days, and seasons Critical;  
And would sometimes three hours or longer stand,  
Like an Egyptian, poring on a hand;  
Where on the Lines he would large Comments make,  
Saying, This year you shall a Husband take,  
A Courtier says this Line; but I divine  
You will play fast and loose in Progress time.   

But as this Critic did his tricks begin,  
The Master of these Apes, me thought, came in;  
At whose approach, submissively they bow them,  
While I observed what he would do unto them.  
For, unto me, as one incensed he seemed,  
As if these Apes his pleasure had contemned,  
Or played some tricks which he did much dislike,  
And therefore showed as if he meant to strike.  
At last, me thought, his Countenance grew smooth,  
As surging Ocean after Tempests doth,  
Causing them to be singled one by one,  
While he, erected on a marble stone,  
Used these words, as he their Weal did tender,  
Which I, 'twixt sleep and wake do well remember. 


Come Jack 〈◊〉 Apes, Come aloft, come aloft, for your M●…ers advantage:  
Come, with your tricks get relief, or ye die, to my grief, in a scant age:  
Show me what tricks ye have played while ye stayed, be they weak, be they witty,  
In shady L●…wne, flourie Plain, Country, Court, University, Citti●….       

The Ape of Honour.  

I Must, and will; and as my rank is best,  
In foremost rank I'll make myself expressed.  
Since I played tricks its now the 13th Summer,  
In which my aim was still to purchase honour.  
Where e'er I saw one held in more esteem  
Than I myself, I vented straight my spleen  
Upon his person, and would labour too  
(As much as lay in me) his overthrow.  
I could not brook Corrivals; yea my heart  
Did swell with grief to see men of desert  
Respected where I sojourned, for I feared  
My fortunes should be razed, if theirs were reared.  
This caused me plot and practise some device  
To move the State, their service to despise;  
Suggesting how these men were Popular,  
And though their course of life seemed regular,  
Their study was but how to broach division,  
And gain them titles suiting their ambition.  
Or else, I made a show of love unto them;  
And told them, this retirement would undo them;  
It were more fit for them to be employed  
In State-affairs, in which all good men joyed,  
Then bury those choice parts which Nature gave them  
In airy hopes, which quickly would deceive them.  
Now if they chanced to follow my advice,  
My task was still to cross their enterprise  
By undervaluing what they had effected,  
That by the State they might be less respected.  
Thus did my Honour take more true delight  
In thwarting of some rising Favourite,  
Whose blooming hopes were now to ripeness growing,  
Then if my own Estate were overflowing;  
" For, like to Jacks moved in a Virginal,  
" I thought ones rising was another's fall.   

But now, secure of these, my Coach I took,  
Where I perused a little Table-book,  
Wherein such Citizens recorded be  
As were to lend me Coin, or credit me  
For such commodities as I did want,  
And these my Honour hugged, these did I haunt.  
Having now got my purpose, strait I'd flee them,  
And though they knocked, my Lordship would not see them.  
My Honour was my Sanctuary made,  
And by Protection all my debts were paid.  
For if I grant Protection to another  
To Conicatch, or to defeat his brother,  
My shallow Sconce is run on no such Shelf  
As to neglect Protection for myself.  
And yet some Apes I had were my delights,  
And these were Sycophants and Parasites,  
Who would so humour me, as I protest  
No meat without them could I well digest.  
From these I had directions for my pace,  
Look, habit, speech, to add a greater grace  
Or lustre to my Honour; so as I  
Would set my Count'nance to look scornfully  
On these inferior Vulgars', whose estate  
My Honour scorned once to commiserate:  
For I have ever held it derogation  
To men of place, to harbour this compassion.  
In foreign Courts I ever Leaguers had  
Who did inform me, were they ne'er so bad,  
What projects Statesmen use to gain esteem,  
And eagerly I still observed them.  
For this same Idol Honour was the Saint  
Which I adored, and for whose Shrine I meant,  
Rather than by my weakness it should fall,  
To hazard Body, State, Renown, and all.   

For my She-Ape, I mean my plumed Lady,  
Our loves were both indifferent as may be;  
For either heat of Summer, or for hate  
To Nuptial servitude, or for more state,  
Though we did plead distemper of the wether,  
Seldom or never lay we both together.  
For this my Leaguers told me foreign States  
Observed, and this my Honour imitates.  
Yet did my Lady play me once a trick,  
Pretending on a day, that she was sick,  
So as a Doctor might be sent for straight,  
(Lucina rather, for to make her light)  
For first news that I heard, God send me joy,  
My Fates had blest me with a goodly Boy;  
Yet might I eaten all my part of him,  
without committing any mortal sin.  
But yet I seemed to joy much in the Lad,  
As if he head been mine, and I his Dad;  
Whereas in truth, I probably could gather,  
My Page, and not my Honour, was his Father.  
All these could I dispense with as light Crimes,  
Being scarce held for errors in these times,  
Provided that my Lady look unto it,  
And thenceforth sought more secretly to do it.  
For well I knew, if I divorce did wish,  
I could procureed for lesser faults than this;  
But much I doubted, she would turn flat Roarer,  
And do as other some had done before her,  
Tax my debility since she was wedded,  
Which foul aspersion would have split my credit.  
But now the Wagg is grown a Boy of prize,  
Inur'd to every Lordly exercise;  
Though in the height of all his hopes I doubt  
Such Bastard▪ slips will never take deep root.   

Now must I show, to make myself displayed  
In University, what tricks I played.  
If any Dunce had but desire to skip  
To the preferment of a Fellowship,  
Were he ne'er so uncapable of it,  
I was a means that he the place might get;  
Provided that his Parents made him way,  
And for his insufficiency would pay.  
Then thick as haile-shot did my Letters go  
To such a Doctor and She-Doctor too,  
That as he tendered the respect I bore him,  
He should prefer none to this place before him  
Whom in my Letters I had so commended,  
Thus was my Suit effectually ended.  
And reason good they had to yield consent,  
And in my Suits to give me all content,  
For now and then some notice would I send them  
Of such a late fallen Living, or Commendam,  
Which I resolved, such was my zealous care,  
To give to them whose lives most blameless were▪  
Though all my aims were rather to procure  
Gain to myself, were th' means ne'er so impure,  
Then place such men, whose life and conversation  
Deserved my love with choicest approbation.  
In Country too, had I my Tarriers laid,  
By whose Intelligence such tricks were played,  
As I may swear, when I do think upon them  
I needs must laugh, so nimbly have I done them.  
When I did hear One had desire to get  
Unto the title of a Baronet,  
Or that his itching humour did aspire  
To leap to Knight before he was Esquire;  
By these my Tarriers I made known unto him,  
I'd do him all the kindness I could do him,  
But for the price of Honour, it was more  
By means of some occurrents then before;  
Besides, he should have some additions granted,  
Which all his former honoured Neighbours wanted.  
And thus I soaked my spongy Knight, that he  
Might honour gain to cope with Beggary.   

Again, if any one within our Nation  
Had a desire to get a Toleration  
In matters of Religion, I'd procure  
He might enjoy his Conscience so secure  
As none should trouble him; provided, he  
Did but observe and keep true touch with me.  
And yet would I, enforced sometimes by want,  
Practise right closely with a Pursuivant  
To ferret him, and get a composition,  
And yet this Act ne'er moved me to Contrition▪  
But much abridged our profit now of late is  
Since Papists may have Tolerations gratis.  
Have Tolerations! no, that time is past,  
Since hope to match with Spain is wholly dashed:  
Anselm and Wright are now returned again,  
And left the English pale to visit Spain.  
Yea, our State-Agents carefully have sought  
That ●…h ' Spanish Legate to account be brought,  
Whether he hath (for this they seek to know)  
Exceeded his Commission, or no.  
If this report be true, Shavelins adieu,  
The State intends but little good for you.  
But I do hear a motion like to be,  
Which, I confess, doth much distemper me;  
But rather than the State consent unto it,  
I will by all means labour to undo it.  
And it is this, Some Protestants complain,  
But their complaints, I hope, will be in vain,  
That they are almost weary of their lives,  
They pay so much for th' Conscience of their wives.  
The light of protestancy darts upon us,  
And drives two hundred fifty five 
* Vid. Tract entitled, The Foot out of the Snare, in his Catalogue of Popish Priests names.  Priests from us.  
Which to redress, they crave (as doth become them)  
The State would take commiseration on them:  
Which, in good sadness, I must needs confess,  
Deserves, in each man's judgement, due redress:  
For it doth little stand with Conscience,  
That th' husband he should pay for th' wife's offence,  
Seeing among them there's scarce one of seven,  
That by their Husbands will be lead or driven.  
But what's all this to me, though they fare worse,  
I aim not at their Conscience, but their Purse.  
In brief, were he Monopolist, or any  
Who to enrich himself undoeth many;  
Were he Engrosser, who, if he may serve  
His own base turn, cares not how many starve;  
Were he Forestaller and Regrater too,  
Whose use is all our Merkets to undo,  
Made he recourse to me, he might allege,  
By virtue of my powerful privilege,  
His Liberty, whats'ever sh●…uld befall,  
In spite of any Justice of them all.   

Thus like a nimble Honour-prizing Ape,  
I have transformed myself to every shape;  
That by this means I might insinuate  
By secret paths, into another's state,  
And so support mine own, which would decline  
If others were not props to bear up mine.  
Now when I'm dead, some by my Tomb will pass,  
And say perchance, Here lies Pherecidas,  
Venting aspersions on me as they please,  
As that I died some lousy vile disease,  
Or of some State-Impostume swollen so big  
It had no cure but die a Spanish Fig,  
Or scorched with some outlandish Tinderbox,  
Died eaten by the Bubo, Piles, or Pox.  
Thus must my styles and titles be forgotten,  
And rot on Earth, as I on Earth was rotten.  
Thus all life's pleasure's but a bussing game,  
Which leaves us liqu'risher then when we came:  
Some glimmering rays of honour we may get,  
Which once obscured, straight is our Summer set.  
But this I seldom think on, I've no time,  
Mine aim is to advance these Imps of mine,  
Whose shade shall spread so broad, as none may doubt  
But they're derived from a spacious root.  
Now I refer it to yourself to show  
Whether your Ape deserve not praise or no.    

The Ape of Pleasure.  

IS it not strange to hear this Cockhorse Lord,  
Who has a Branched forehead on my word,  
Thus magnify himself, when I his Page,  
And at that time scarce sixteen years of age,  
Was more respected by his youthful Madam  
For two yeaes space, than all the time she had him!  
What Masks, what Shows, what Interludes could be  
Contenting to herself withouten me?  
What late Reere-bankets could delight afford  
Without her Page, far dearer than her Lord?  
And yet this burnished Idol, whose esteem  
Consists in this, That he doth precious seem  
In eye of Vulgars', whose conceits appear  
In prising men by th' Garments which they wear,  
Prefers that Fame which Foundlings have of him  
Before that place of Honour he is in.  
But what concerns this me? 'tis my delight,  
And in this do I glory, that the night  
Hath spread her Curtains close, as one at leisure  
To tender all content to th' Ape of Pleasure.  
See, See, young Messalina how her eye  
Assures me she affects variety!  
Her once admired Lord grows out a date,  
So as her love is turned into hate.  
" For choicest cates may minister delight  
" At first, but after, cloy the appetite.  
But lest those tricks which I have played, should seem  
Weak in respect of what this Lords have been,  
Though I be young and want experience,  
As one directed by: youthful sense;  
I can as Apish be as others are,  
Yea and for honesty as little care  
As any Suburbs trader, whose sole aim  
Is by pollution to enhance their gain.  
For three whole Years I have employed my time  
In reading bawdy Boccace, Aretine,  
With those ripe Sibaritick merriments,  
Which our Court-Ladies hold for ornaments  
Of an unvalued price, they are so witty,  
And these I read in Country, Court and City.  
But in the Court when I a Comment made,  
More they conceived than I discoursed or said;  
For a grave Lady standing by the pew  
Where I my Lecture red, did forthwith show  
More grounded Rules for th' Subject that I choosed  
Then all my wanton Consorts ere had used.  
So as desiring much to know her name,  
She haughtily replied," Of public fame,  
" Whos's Love-attractive Beauty had obtained  
" Moore high- prized booties then ere woman gained.  
" Nor be my hopes extinguished by my age,  
" For I have One (quoth she) my pretty Page,  
" Who would be loath for to degenerate  
" Either in heat of love or height of State.  
" And though her Honour, Lustre, and Esteem  
" Be not so great as sometimes it hath been,  
" Yet her experience with my discipline  
" Hath trained her so in postures of this time;  
" As scarce that Lady is in Europe bred  
" Who by her Lecture is not bettered.  
" This I admired, which she observing told me,  
" While she about my middle did enfold me,  
" That if I sought employment in that kind,  
" She could a place of entertainment find,  
" So I would secret be and not discover  
" The sly effects of some intrusive Lover.  
" For we (quoth she) who feed imagination  
" With hope, till means bring hope to recreation,  
" May in our sleeps our waking thoughts disclose;  
" Now Boy (said she) if you were one of those  
" Who publish to the world what they do hear,  
" You might destroy our reputation clear,  
" And make our names such Emblems of disgrace,  
" As we might seem unworthy of our place.  
" For what if I should send to such a Lord,  
" That in the Evening he would keep his word,  
" And in th' appointed place or arbour seat him,  
" Where I re solved assuredly to meet him;  
" While you, corrupted by some friend of mine,  
" Acquaints him with this meeting, place, and time?  
" Would this show well in you, seem fair to him,  
" To see one wear the prize which he did win?  
" Again, we Ladies many secrets have,  
" Which in our Page's secrecy do crave;  
" For we have Chamber-motives of delight,  
" Powders to cause men love us at first sight,  
" Amorous Broths, and cordial Receipts,  
" Love-drawing Lures, and fancy-forcing baits,  
" That our unbounded pleasures may be fed  
" With same desire as they were nourished.  
" Again perhaps, such may our humours be,  
" (Sith want of change begets satiety,)  
" we'll deign sometime our Pages to be ●…asters  
" Of such choice Cates are due unto their Masters.  
" Now would not this your secrecy deserve  
" When you may them enjoy, whom you do serve?  
This proffer tendered;" Madam, replied I,  
" You need not doubt your Page's secrecy,  
" (If you so please to term me;) I have been  
" For Lady's Secrets ever trained therein  
" Since my first infancy, and was thought fit  
" (So present and so pregnant was my wit)  
" To carry divers messages among them,  
" Yet was I never taxed once to wrong them.  
" Oft by a private Entry have I brought  
" One to my Lady, yet suspected nought;  
" For, in a Nightgown, womanly arrayed,  
" I took him for some Lady's Chambermaid,  
" So as I took in hand at all aventer  
" To open the door, that he might freely enter.  
" Among the rest One was I sometime toward,  
" Who was so peevish, testy, and so froward,  
" As she in nothing took more free delight  
" Than to become her Husbands opposite.  
" If he at any time should make resort  
" Unto the Country, she was for the Court;  
" Were he for Court, she to the Country went,  
" For contradiction was her Element.  
" Yet, which is rare, this peevish wilful thing  
" Was much addicted still to wantoning,  
" So as, amidst the heat of all her rage,  
" Nought could allay her fury but her Page.   

Thus I the progress of my life did tell,  
Which this grave Lady liked passing well;  
Wherefore, concluding with one joint consent  
To leave the Court, I with my Lady went,  
Where I presented was some seven-night after,  
As a rich booty, to her lovely Daughter;  
Who did so much affect me, she thought meet  
To lodge me nightly at her own bed feet.  
None would she suffer scarcely to approach,  
Or take her hand to bring her to her Coach,  
But only I; none would she else admit  
To hold her chat, or in her Coach to sit:  
I was her Ingle, Gue, her Sparrow bill,  
And in a word, my Ladies what you will▪  
How many Evening's Coached she and I  
With Curtains drawn, that none might us espy?  
But now grown weak, when I should be rewarded,  
For want of strength I was by her discarded.  
Mean time, had I occasion to remain  
Here in the City, hoping to regain  
That estimation which I late had lost,  
But by a little Monkey was I crossed,  
Who in short time into such credit crept,  
As ever since he with my Lady slept.  
But see my fate! through my too sumptuous port,  
While I remained in presence of the Court,  
Hoping my Lovesick Lady would supply  
What ere I spent by prodigality,  
I was attached, and in the Counter thrown,  
Yet less disgraced, because I was not known.  
Where I sojourned some fortnight space and more,  
Till a rich Draper's wife did me restore,  
Whose former knowledge me enfranchised,  
With whom I shortly after married:  
For having solemnised her Widow rites  
By space of fifteen tedious winter nights,  
It pleased her to make choice of such an one  
That might supply the place of him that's gone.  
And now I live as free from thought or care  
As those who have in fortune highest share:  
My pleasure is my treasure, whose delight  
Extends itself from morning unto night.  
Sometime I hunt the Hare, sometimes I spare  
The earth, to take my pleasure in the air,  
Where my skie-soaring Falcon makes his way,  
Lessening himself till he has got his prey.  
Sometimes my House and Garden use to yield  
As much content as doth the spacious Field,  
For there at Bowls, at Tables, or at Chess  
My wearied spirits use I to refresh:  
Yea in an Arbour have I made a Caul,  
Wherein's an Ape I brought from Portugal,  
A nimble thing, so tutored and so tame  
As it can play at any kind of Game.  
At Chess it knows where th' Bishop's place should be,  
With all the Grooms that keep him company.  
And it will laugh, so witty is the Wagg,  
To see them put together in a bag,  
Wondering that He who held a Bishop's room  
Should play Checkmate with his inferior Groom▪  
Thus do I sport, thus do I pass the time,  
For pleasures are those purchases of mine,  
Which I the most affect and most admire,  
To feed with oil the flame of my desire.  
Only my Wife, since her rich Draper died  
To me espoused, seeks to be Ladifide;  
Which honour I have got her, with a Crest  
To make mine honour anciently expressed:  
Wherein I hold the Herald did me right  
In finding for my Coat a Marmosite,  
Whose nature is, (so far doth lust prevail,)  
For want of better food, to eat his tail.  
Thus have you heard my whole discourse at large,  
How I have wasted been in Pleasure's Barge,  
Where I have fed and feasted on such store,  
As Surfeits make me ay▪ can feed no more.  
For as variety begets delight,  
Delight begets a moving appetite:  
So pleasures tried, like snow-balles melt to nothing,  
And end their longing with an endless loathing.    

The Ape of Vainglory  

DIsplay, display those Annals and Records  
Of time renowned Heroes, Peers and Lords,  
Their Actions, their Designs; and you shall see  
These Apes are imitators but of me.  
For what have they by resolution won,  
What Conquest have they got, what have they done?  
Hath Fame erected Trophies in their praise,  
Or gird their Temples with triumphant B●…yes?  
Are Statues reared to memorise their worth,  
With all those Acts Antiquity brought forth?  
Trophies, Bays, Statues add no longer time  
To their exploits then Fame hath done to mine.  
In Court while I reside, I show such State  
Even in my Nod, my Countenance and Gate,  
As there is none that casts their eye upon me  
But says that Garb doth properly become me.  
If at the jousts I chance to break a spear,  
Methinks the Lady's eyes are fixed there;  
Whose approbations gain me more renown,  
Then Leaves can make expressed, or Colours shown.  
Among my Consorts, Letters do I show  
From State of Venice and from others too,  
To me directed, as one whom they deem  
Of choice, select, and principal esteem.  
Though I to Venic●… never travelled yet  
But caused these Letters to be counterfe●….  
The great mogul that Title cannot crave,  
Which on myself conferred I would not have;  
For as my aims are only popular,  
So is my substance merely ●…itular.  
With Ladies of accomplished quality,  
Rank, and descent, I hold concurrency:  
From whom if I a favour chance to git,  
I glory in the purchasing of it,  
Vowing and vaunting, not the wealth of th'Land  
Should ransom such a booty at my hand.  
If I do any work, as few I do,  
I'd have the world take notice of it too.  
In public Entertainments I would be  
Observed sole Heir of liberality;  
Which to express, this only task is mine,  
To make our City-Conduits●…un ●…un with wine,  
Scramble Cakes, Wafers, Suckets in the street,  
And tread whole carts of Biscuit under feet.  
far more affection have I to bestow  
My bounty on some public Antic show,  
So I may have my name endorsed at large,  
That it was reared at my proper charge,  
Then building of a Church, or any use  
Which simple people term religious:  
These works I hate, and all that do begin them,  
For their hot zeal show too much Conscience in them.  
Like Jove in Danae's lap my gold I shower,  
When I invite some great Ambassador,  
Where at one Supper I do more bestow  
Then to defray, my Lordship knoweth how.  
And by this means I seek to gain esteem  
Where this great Legate and his Lords have been;  
Though they perchance deride me and my aims,  
And with a french-frump gratify my pains.  
Of all, there is no act delighteth us  
So much as that of brave Herostratus,  
Who to gain glory made himself exemple,  
In setting fire upon Diana's Temple.  
Neither shall Nero's glory ere expire,  
Who played on's Lute while Rome was all a fire,  
Sending wild beasts into the public street,  
Such to devour as they withal should meet.  
So as, 'twixt fire and fear, amazed they run,  
Feeling the one, while they the other shun.  
In all my time, I never have desired  
(Such my ambition was) to live retired,  
For that I thought would gain me no respect,  
The only object which I did affect;  
So as my choice was ever to resort  
near to the Sun, the Mansion of the Court;  
Where others correspondence kept with me,  
As selfconceited too as I could be.  
Yet for exchange, because I had desire  
That vulgar eyes my presence should admire,  
Unto the City deigned I to approach,  
Never without six Jennets in my Coach:  
Where, if encountering any, I use ever  
To press salutes with motion of my Beaver.  
To breathe the common air, or walk the street,  
Or entertain discourse with those I meet  
I hold it derogation; yet to show  
I prise my friend, I'll give a nod or so;  
For he that will not on his postures stand,  
And prove his education from the Strand  
By carriage of his body, I do hold  
(Howos'ere he be in Honors-book enrolled)  
he's but a Gored that doth his Leaves display  
By one night's growth, and withers on the day▪  
Yet in the entertainment of a friend,  
Though I seem nice, if he have power to lend,  
Or yield supply to my necessity,  
I will admit him my Society.  
Though from familiarity exempt,  
For that begets in us too much contempt.  
Now th' practice I have ever used, when  
I would persuade some wealthy Citizen  
To lend me money to supply my want,  
With airy hopes I feed my Cormorant;  
Telling him how by reason of my place,  
I every day have Offices in chase;  
Which if he free the Bonds that I am in,  
I will not stand much to bestow on him.  
Again, amongst all my retinue, no knave  
But knows the styles and titles that I have;  
For such my pleasure is, that every Rogue  
Within my Sculrie have a Catalogue  
Of all my Titles; which, they do pretend  
Were given to me for some especial end;  
Whence these obsequious Shadows that attend me,  
Persuade my Creditors great sums to lend me;  
Alleging how by reason of my power,  
It is a credit to my Creditor  
To gain esteem with such an one as me,  
Whose many Styles proclaim his dignity.  
Besides, if any injured by my men  
By taking up commodities of them,  
Shall sue their Bonds for payment such a day,  
Which, I'm resolved, they never mean to pay,  
With number of my Styles they so appall  
Their Creditors, they let their Action fall;  
For so upon my greatness they do stand,  
They fear no right is gotten at their hand.  
Nay more, their Creditors may seem so fond,  
That they will plead an Error in the Bond:  
For, as it may be specialty appear,  
They unto such a Lord retainers were;  
Which Style, as now it seems, is wholly drowned,  
And higher Titles for his Lordship found;  
Whose Style being changed, avoids their former state,  
" Their Master is not same as Bond bears date.  
So as his Title either must be same,  
Or else there is an Error in their claim.  
Thus do I flourish, and my followers too,  
As free from debt as those that nothing owe;  
Nor owe we ought, we may be bold to say,  
For they are said to owe that mean to pay.  
But that I may i'th' City keep a quarter,  
I'll promise them for to enlarge their Charter  
With this addition; Any Citizen,  
Having so many years a freeman been,  
Though he be able for estate, may break,  
And have Protection granted if he seek;  
Provided that he pay yearly revenue  
To me, to mine, or one of my retinue.  
Thus do I lure my City-birds unto 't,  
With hope of that I ne'er can bring about.  
Sometime, for change, the Country air I choose,  
Where my well-seated ancient Manor-house  
Joys in my presence; I've no sooner shown me  
Then all the Country-Gentry come upon me;  
Whose presence choice of presents strait begets  
Of Pheasants, Pigeons, Pluvers, Caponets,  
All which come to my Cook humbly beseeching  
They may supply provision of his Kitchin.  
Next day a stall-fed Ox sent by a knight,  
And he resolves to sup with me at night,  
Which, though it were discourt'sie to deny him,  
Yet when he comes, seen am I scarcely by him:  
For strangeness suits with greatness, which may seem  
To gain to us more popular esteem.  
Now for my house, delightful is the Site,  
The base-Court paved with coloured Porphyrite,  
Where two fair Statues curious as may be,  
One for myself, another for my Lady  
Erected are, with Columns reered high,  
Which force an admiration to the eye  
Of the Beholder, and their state is such,  
The golden-Calfe was ne'er adored so much.  
As for my House, it's open unto all,  
And they for Beer or any thing may call;  
Yet have I so provided, though they crave it,  
My Buttery hatch is shut, they cannot have it.  
In Country-Musters, it's some Task of mine  
To take survey of all their discipline,  
And teach them what those martial-postures be,  
Trains, Stratagems, and feats of policy;  
Though, for my knowledge, I do freely grant,  
That I in these am wholly ignorant;  
For I may swear I never yet conferred  
With any one of all th' Artil'ry-yard.  
Yet joy I much to hear the vulgar say,  
A braver Leader never did display  
His Colours in the field, for I'm the man  
Would seem more to the world than I am.  
In my discovery further to proceed,  
Excuse me Fellow Apes, I shall not need,  
For few or none in Albion's. Court there are  
But they do know my fashions to a hare:  
Nor am I such a Snake to cast my slough,  
My Titles make me Great, and that's enough.    

The Ape of Fancy.  

Do but admire me, it is all I crave,  
For as I love myself, so would I have  
All ravished with my presence, which obtained  
I have attained the Port at which I aimed.  
For if Narcissus, self-conceited Elf,  
Did love himself by looking on himself,  
I cannot see, my beauty being such,  
But I may like and love myself as much.  
But that ye may the better understand  
My education, Race, Descent, and Land,  
Where I was borne, where bred, and how I came,  
I will acquaint you briefly with the same.  
Some will not stick to call me foreign brat,  
But I were mad if I'd be moved at that,  
For I do know I am no Foreigner  
But a right natural English Islander;  
For even my disposition tells me so  
Through selfe-conceite which I am subject to.  
Yeh I'll tell truth, how ere ye wonder at me,  
A Co●…rtier of a Succubus begat me,  
From whom such secret night-works have I learned,  
As what I do can never be discerned.  
In a Court-entry dark of purpose made  
Fit for encounter am I ofttimes laid,  
Where I enjoy a prey as rich as may be,  
And for the Maid encounter with her Lady;  
Which she, such rare humility suits honour,  
Receives as freely as is put upon her.  
I must make one in every Mask and Show,  
Or our Co●…rt-ladies care not for't a Stro;  
For I'm their Ape of Fancy, whose delight  
Doth please them more than any Marmo●…ite.  
If I find any Lady discontent,  
I can prescribe a cure incontinent,  
And with an active application too  
Use far more art than other Apes can do.  
For be't Greensickness, which few Madams have,  
Or Honour's Frenzy, which will make them rave,  
Be't the Scotoma, or the Nightmare ride them,  
Their cure's soon wrought if I may lie beside them.  
Pills have I store and choice Confections too,  
Which on my Patients freely I bestow,  
Not like our base impostured Mountebank  
Whose ayme's to ●…ell for gain and not for thank.  
Free is my bounty and so well approved,  
As in Court, City, Country I am loved,  
The Trophies of whose favour I do wear  
About my wrist, my Hatband and my ear.  
For be she Lady conversant in Court,  
To her as to my Shrine I make resort,  
And with such Apish compliment accost 〈◊〉,  
As she's surprised with my Courtly post●…re.  
To th' Cent we go, where we at Cent-foot play,  
By which ou●… hidden meanings we bewray.  
Her Feather for a Favour do I carry,  
While she protests if she were now to marry,  
The Ape of Fancy should enjoy her heart,  
And this contenteth me, and so we part.  
Again, sometimes unto the Burse I go,  
Of purpose there to take a turn or two;  
Not to make choice of any new thing there,  
But to survey what beauty might appear  
Most grateful to mine eye; and there I find  
A pliant nature sorting with my mind.  
A Widow-Wife, whose absent Husband gives  
Access to world of Suitors, and she lives  
No less observed then fancied; yet her wit  
So smoothly and demurely carries it,  
As she preserves her fame so u●…suspected,  
As more she acts the more she is respected.  
All which proceeds, as probably may seem,  
In that she trades with men of choice esteem,  
Who ferret-like still sport them in her Burrow,  
With whom she revels it the evening thorough.  
Though I confess●… ingenuously my shame,  
That on a time I lay upon her name  
Such deep aspersion, as it did surpass  
The compass of redress, and thus it was.  
" Upon a day withouten company,  
" I went to cheap a rich commodity;  
" here and there sought I this, but in a word  
" Not any shop in Rurse could like aff●…rd  
" As this fair Courtesans, who seemed nice,  
" As if she would not sell't at any price;  
" For know (quoth she) this stands not here for Sale,  
" But only set to grace the Shop withal.  
" This answer did not please me, for my fortune  
" Did promise me, that if I would importune  
" Or press my ●…uit, howsoever her breast seemed steeled▪  
" By hot assault she could not choose but yield.  
" On this foundation grounded, I did show her  
" How much respect I ever tendered to her,  
" So as no fancy could be more expressed  
" Then th' faithful service I to her professed.  
" And know (dear Love) such is my present state  
" As I will buy this Gem at any ra●…e,  
" Rather than lose what I esteem so much,  
" The boundless limits of my Love is such.  
" Besides, it will no derogation be  
" To cast the eye of your respect on me,  
" For I may grace you more than any other,  
" Both by my own means and my high-prized brother,  
" Whose rising-fortunes gain him that esteem  
" As blessed are they that may but follow them.  
" So moving was this lovely Rhetoric,  
" A●… it began to touch her to the quick;  
" Silent she was, Silence implies consent,  
" Whence I perceived my proffer gave content:  
" For there was no●…ghr that wrought so much upon her  
" As when I gave her notice of mine honour,  
" And that my Lordship would reward her more  
" Than all her Silken-guls had done before.  
" For these Court-punies, What could they effect  
" That might deserve the height of her respect?  
" These are but great-mens-shadowes at the best,  
" Who suit themselves with shreds of interest,  
" Learn to look big, and keep their postures too,  
" But which of these has money to bestow  
" On his affected Mistress, whose repair  
" Must not rely on Castles in the air?  
" Yea, which of these, how ere they seem to prate,  
" Dare whet their knife near to the Counter-gate?  
" Such gilded Puppets are these Courtly-Apes  
" Who gull fair Idols with deceiving sh●…pes.  
" Having obtained my Suit, I made expressed  
" By bounteous gifts, the Love which I professed,  
" So as amongst all paid tribute to her beauty,  
" I was the man to whom she tendered duty  
" With most observance; But behold my fancy  
" Grew in the end distempered with a Frenzy,  
" So as I could not any thing conceal,  
" But amongst the rest told how I had to deal  
" With this fresh amorous Bursan, and what rate  
" She prized the traffic of her body at;  
" So as in brief (so far had reason crossed me)  
" I told my wife how dear that pleasure co●…t me.  
" She, though I was distempered, did apply it  
" To her conceit, and thought in time to try it;  
" Which on a day, her Lady-mother being  
" Of her opinion, and in one agreeing,  
" With jealous thoughts, they to this Sempster go,  
" To try if this report w●…ee tr●…e or no.  
" The Shop descried, these subtle Sirens take  
" Their walk by her, She ask what they lack,  
" Little suspecting (simple Soul) that they  
" Should in those shapes her secret crimes display.  
" Show us some Ruffs, quoth one, of choicest fashion,  
" Spanish, Italian, or some other nation,  
" As the Venetian; where no Country can  
" Compare in State unto their Courtesan.  
" Chiefest & choicest of her Ruffs she shows them,  
" For she presumes (so perfectly she knows them)  
" That none would give content but such were best,  
" Though worse would serve for such a thankless guest  
" Choice do they make of such as best do like,  
" And at a price they now begin to strike;  
" What she demands they give, but pay, they said,  
" Was more than needs, She was already paid.  
" By whom (said she?) By such a noble Lord,  
" Who hath engaged his honour and his word,  
" That such a time and place, what would you more?  
" Just to this Sum he paid you long before  
" She (modest Matron) guilty of the Bill,  
" Stood as a Statue, silent, hushed and still;  
" Yet with Vermilion tinctures she displayed  
" That such a Sum had been by me defrayed:  
" Which they observing, left her sore perplexed  
" Through my distemper, thus impeached & vexed.  
After, by means of Physic and good diet,  
My Frantic humour grew to be more quiet;  
So at when they did any time upbraid  
Or tax me now with that which I had said,  
I strait recanted that which I had spoken,  
But female spleen is not so soon forgotten;  
For those aspersions though I did disclaim,  
Imputing them to th' weakness of my brain,  
My Lady-mother will not let me gad,  
But keeps me still restrained, as I were mad;  
So as the cause why I can scarcely know  
My friends, is this, my Lady makes me so.  
One have I heard speak in my forlorn room,  
" A madder Lord is not in Christendom,  
But he may thank his genius for it  
And not his honour, if he have more wit.  
Now all the tricks which I must henceforth play  
Are few or none, for I poor Ape must stay,  
Like to a starved Snake or drowsy Drone,  
With house-Baboons and Marmosites at home;  
Unless I go sometimes unto a Wake,  
Where I such Stoics for my Consorts take,  
As Rumford, Ratcliff, Hallowell can show,  
For these are farthest Wakes I go unto,  
My Tutors be so strict, unless by chance,  
About a Maypole I dare hardly dance,  
Or give a wench a green-gown on the grass,  
So much the time is changed from what it was.  
Only (kind-Bearward) rests it in your power  
To make me free as any Emperor;  
Whereby you may redress my present wrong,  
And make me merry as the day is long.    

The Ape of Fashion.  

FAshion thou art mine Idol, Pride my Prize,  
My glass, my globe, my corpse, my Sacrifice,  
Which I one day must offer to the Mace,  
For clothe a silver, scarlet and goldlace.  
Twelve years and more I have a traveler been  
In France and Italy, where I have seen  
Variety of fashions, whose rich fraught  
I now, at last, have to my Country brought;  
For I was he that did the first discover  
Your Saffron yolkie band, & brought it over;  
Your paned doublet, and penurious breech  
Were undescride, till I began to teach  
The rudiments of Art, nor have I lost  
All by my voyage, though it dear cost.  
For now admires each Gallant my invention,  
And gratifies me with a standing Pension;  
Four Spanish-Mares have I to carry me,  
With all accoutrements so properly,  
As in more state himself he cannot bear  
Who may dispend ten thousand pound by year.  
Now to acquaint you where I make resort,  
My residence is for most part at Court;  
Where I such tricks as I bring over, show  
To such, whose dispositions I do know  
Most itching after novelties, and these  
I'll pawn my life, that I shall quickly please.  
For give these noble Courtiers their due,  
If th' fashion I present them with be new,  
They care not how ill-favord it appear,  
For they would be observed what they wear;  
Nor is it decency that they respect,  
For we shall see a kind of strange neglect  
In our apparel gain us more esteem,  
Then those who in their clothes more punctual seem▪  
As for example, let our cloaks fall down  
Upon left shoulder, or go sweep the Room  
In a neglectful fashion, with sleeves drawn  
Up to the elbow, to descry the lawn  
Or Cambric shirts we wear, unbuttoned too,  
That our laced Linen may more neatness show,  
With points untrussed, as if we did not care  
For pride so much as for the subtle air:  
And we, by this, shall more observance git,  
Then if, with ginger pace we minced it.  
Of all those servants that I entertain,  
A Tailor and a Broker be the men  
I most esteem, and where I most relied,  
Though I have many hangers on beside;  
For th' one with new-clothes still renews my state,  
The other broaks such clothes are out of date.  
And howe'er some people do condemn  
These Brokers for unconscionable men,  
I know them to be bounteous and kind,  
For if you leave in pawn your Suit behind,  
You shall be sure, so freely will he show him,  
To find more on it than you gave unto him.  
Nor is my Tailor such a man of sin  
As some young cheated-gulls would make of him;  
For what's the cause they bear such hate unto him?  
'Tis this forsooth, he hath his Hell below him.  
If this procure their hate, it doth behoove them  
To find out some that have their Hell above them.  
I must confess he will od-shreds conceal,  
But that's a small fault in our Commonweal,  
For, in our State, some greater-Theeves there be  
Whom none dare tax, yet steal far more than he.  
He one Commandment breaks and so doth fall,  
But these State-sharks infringe not one, but all.  
Now for the place where I do most frequent,  
Court, City, Country, are my continent;  
Where, to the garb of every place I live,  
And such a form of fashion use to give,  
As there is none who would not imitate  
The fashion I affect at any rate.  
Which joys me much to see an humorous Lord,  
Whose formal habit only doth afford  
A personal esteem, so mad to be,  
As in an Apish garb to second me.  
But I in change can vie with none of them,  
Which makes me curry favour with their men,  
Who set their Lordships-wardrope at a sale,  
From whence I hook some Suit be't ne'er so stale,  
Which I reduce to fashion by my wit,  
And this their Lord admires and follows it.  
For little knows he, when he notes my fashion,  
That from his Wardrobe it received translation;  
Where if hee-knew what to myself is known,  
He would be loath to imitate his own.  
I have likewise a Venice dame brought over,  
Whom our Court-Ladies eye, and eyeing love her;  
For choice attires she labours to invent,  
Mixing with English Venice compliment:  
So as no Courtesan observeth there  
Ought worthy note, but's nat'ralized here.  
Rounding of hair, short-wasted doublets too,  
Steeletto-pockets are stale fashions now;  
" Inventions Mint must go both night and day,  
" No matter though our money-Mint do stay.  
Long was I bringing of a work about  
A Looking-glass, to view from head to foot,  
Before, behind, so as my very Spur  
Could scarcely move but I might see it stir.  
And this invention gained me much esteem,  
Chiefly amongst such who most deformed seem,  
Whose crooked shapes, if they perfection lack,  
I could apply a level to their back;  
Whose equal feature by th' reflecting-glasse,  
Made them admire themselves as they did ' pass,  
And to some Ladies much deformed, of late  
I have prescribed another choice receit,  
Which now for modesty I will omit,  
Because Cornelius-tub produceth it.  
Nor is my Venice-urinal so brittle,  
Though she felt once the furnace of the spital,  
But she demurely can observe all times,  
And with her Saintly outside cover crimes.  
So as the City bears her such affection,  
she's only thought the first to give direction  
For matters of discourse, attire, behaviour,  
Striving among themselves who may receive her  
With most extended bounty; yet will she  
Requite their boundless liberality  
With Husband's ruin (she has vowed to do't)  
And with excess of Charge to bank her out.  
For go they but to Rumford to a feast,  
Their clothes proclaim them Ladies at the least,  
‛ Though all that while, their wronged-husbands spare it,  
And satisfy their hunger with a Carrot.  
Nor only there, but on the Country too,  
Some fashions out a date do I bestow;  
Where she and I marching some fortnight after,  
Are like to burst ourselves (I swear) with laughter.  
For in a Country-Church you there shall see  
The Maypole wenches wear my livery;  
But in their form of fashion so displayed,  
None can discern the Mistress from the Maid.  
Yet they're persuaded what they wear is new,  
And that their fashion is but known to few  
Save to themselves, which makes them to appear  
Scornful to such who go in Country wear:  
Yet if they knew as much as I, they'd say  
Themselves were out of fashion more than they.  
Thus have I lived, and thus am I beloved,  
For State appointed, and by States approved,  
Where of no Law I do so much complain  
As of one late-enacted now in Spain,  
Touching restraint of all excessive ' apparel,  
Which I'm resolved would make our gallants quarrel;  
And reason good; for would one think it fit  
To reave them that they more esteem then wit?  
Surely the Task were hard, the Law severe,  
Yet this they do who strip them of their wear.  
For these are they who descant on one strain,  
And with no care disturb their giddy brain,  
Save only how they may in fashion git,  
And be the first that may encounter it.  
These are they whom I love, with whom I live,  
And unto whom this Legacy I give;  
They who prefer a Coat before a Pate,  
Shall die without a Coat, Wit, or Estate.    

The Ape of Observation.  

THat I Cites, States & Natures might descry,  
Columbus hath not travelled more than I;  
In Prince's Courts I have a lodger been,  
And there observed whats'ever I have seen:  
Which to compile it did me highly please,  
Entitling it my Ephemerideses.  
I have been present at late wars of Rhine,  
Though I to neither party did incline;  
I heard th' Electors sing a doleful dirge,  
At winning of renowned Heidelberge,  
Redoubling thus the subject of their care,  
" our neighbour's House a fire, bids us beware.  
I followed warlike Tillie at the tail,  
When with straight siege he closed Frankindale;  
To Berg'apsome I did my progress make,  
Where I much mused how Spynola could scape,  
When in his Camp he was so girt about,  
As fear got in, but nothing could get out.  
" Though plots seem deep, one may their bottom sink,  
But I were mad if I ' de speak all I think.  
Nor is my observation so restrained,  
As if it earthly objects only aimed;  
More high Mysterious speculation's given,  
To view those Signs and Wonders are in heaven,  
Prodigious forms and figures in the air,  
All which impressions lately frequent were  
Near sieged Prague, and other Cities too,  
Who have sustained what foe or fate could do.  
At Turein, two miles from Egeria  
Within the kingdom of Bohemia,  
Next to a Stew, where I with others stood,  
I saw a Table and a Form sweat blood;  
Which I observed and forthwith did divine  
There would succeed a blood▪ effusing time.  
From whence dislodged no sooner did I come  
Unto the famous City Lintium,  
Then there appeared a fear-increasing vision,  
Which o'er the City showed this apparition;  
Two Swords stood pointing one against another,  
With furious Armies skirmishing together;  
All which I made th' inhabitants believe  
Would some impressions in their City leave;  
Assuring them, to make mine Art more known,  
These airy Armies would surprise the Town.  
This caused a strict watch to be duly kept,  
And I did laugh at this while others wept;  
For it was far above my element  
To know what these strange Apparitions meant;  
Though my conjectures were esteemed more true  
Than th' unknown Palmistry of any Jew.  
But lest the Statute bring me into question,  
This is the least I use in my profession,  
Unless in foreign Countries where there be  
So few that practise this same Mystery,  
As they will lodge a Wizard in their breast,  
But ever prise North-Britain Wizards best.  
Thus I've enriched myself with Observation,  
And gained me such renown within this Nation,  
That be my weekly Corrants ne'er so strange,  
They pass for current-novells on th' Exchange:  
So as upon my knowledge their esteem  
Hath stayed the vent of better labours clean.  
Yea, there be divers Stationers in the City,  
Who had been broke (the more had been the pity)  
Had not my high▪ prized travels been brought hither  
Which kept them up from going down the wether.  
And now these are, which seems to me most rare,  
Held by our Stage-gulls for oracular.  
Not any story or occurrent passes,  
But is authentic truth with these sage-Asses,  
Who neighbourly confer upon a bench  
Of such a Rampire, Palisado, Trench;  
Of such a Conquest, such a Battle lost,  
And what a world of Christian lives it cost.  
This they peruse, which they perusing send  
Into the Country to some special friend,  
Who may p●…take these news without delay,  
And these become as credulous fools as they.  
For though, to give my thriving-works their due,  
Scarce among twenty one relation's true,  
Yet on their truth not one of them will stand,  
But spread their fame abroad from hand to hand.  
Nor be my Corants only Ale house talk,  
Nor for Duke Humfries Knights, who Paul's do walk;  
For I have seen the very Pulpits smoke  
With some extractions rifled from my book,  
Which howe'er they could not well bear water,  
Yet would they serve for want of better matter.  
But there's no place so highly prizeth me,  
As where out Ordinary- Gallants be;  
For there am I admired, and to my grace  
Preferred ever to the highest place:  
Where my loose glibbrie tongue is prating still  
Travels more strange than those of Mandevill.  
Yea, you shall see some score of Gallants stand,  
Each with a Table- book within their hand,  
To take observance of such special heads  
As from the forge of my discourse proceeds:  
Which they relating duly, now and then,  
Makes them esteemed for most accomplished men.  
Now what may you imagine I deserve,  
When these extract but that which I observe?  
And gain such praise, as those Land-gulls who hear them,  
Account them highly blest who neighbour near them?  
But now because I'm to my Country come,  
I'll show you what I have observed at home,  
And in each several place where I have been,  
Briefly unfold what I have heard or seen.   

In Court I lived, and living felt no scant,  
But bravely surfeited on others want;  
It was my aim, and I did aim aright,  
To wind me in with some Great-favorite,  
Whose graceful countenance might support me still  
In all my courses, were they good or ill.  
Where I observed, more good might be effected  
By means of One who was in Court respected,  
Were his Cause ne'er so faulty nor so weak,  
Then a good Cause, if he no friends could make:  
The reason was, though Justice bore even hand,  
From some of these there came a countermand,  
Which, cause he was a great- Antagonist  
They durst not his authority resist;  
Or else his means advanced them to that place,  
Which moved them veil to him in any Case.  
For this I held a grounded observation,  
Justice to Greatness ever had relation;  
For some of these oft get a place worth choosing,  
By being married to a great-mans' Cousin:  
So firms the link of mutual alliance,  
Against all opposites it pleads defiance.  
For other silken-Apes who spend their time  
In making their seer-bodies brisk and fine,  
I hold it needless here to make report,  
Because there's such an Ape, just now, in Court;  
Who will describe himself in every limb,  
Which makes me leave that labour unto him.  
For our Court-Ladies, very few I know  
Who racket it with their Comradoes now;  
Our sprightly Lords do either Treasure lack,  
Or else they want agility of back,  
So as amongst a number there's scarce one  
But she is either mortified or gone.  
" One did I hear of but the other day,  
" Who now has thrown her lighter Robes away,  
" And by a firm-friend whom she well approved,  
" Sent to the wife of that same Lord she loved,  
" How she resolved her good esteem to win  
" By wearing of a mourning-gowne for him.  
" But what's the answer she returned to her?  
" I wish, quoth she, your Lady may not wear  
" But what becomes her best in public sight,  
" Her Suit must suit herself, herself is light;  
" But if with me she'll keep a mourning part,  
" She must not mourn in Habit, but in Heart.  
And so no question doth she; for long since  
She lost the eye of her concupiscence,  
Which makes me hope the eye-light of her mind  
Is clearer far, since th' outward eye was blind.  
Thus be our Ladies matchless Converts held,  
To whom no Suitors make but are repelled;  
Though One I know, nor was old Lais liker  
Unto herself, than she is to a striker.   

In City likewise I remained a while,  
Where I observed how Tradesmen did beguile,  
And in some dark part of their shop took care  
How they might vent their most deceitful ware.  
Here did I stay far longer than I need,  
That I with laughter might my humour feed;  
For here I might observe a Country-gull,  
Whose father's death had made his pockets full,  
Mount Ludgate-hill to buy a Spanish felt,  
Pull out his money, bid the Knave go tell't.  
Notes from Blackfriars I presently might gather,  
For now this Cornish-Chough mourns for his father  
in a Carnation feather, wherewithal  
He means to grace his father's funeral.  
By this he travels to Saint Martin's lane,  
And to the shops he goes to buy a chain;  
Where every painted Baby that he sees,  
With their horse-gilded varnish doth so please,  
As such commodities must not be lost,  
For he will have them whatsoever they cost.  
To th' Royal Exchange fain would he take his course  
If he had any money in his purse,  
But the Long-shop hath brought his pockets low  
With Daggers, Bells, and Hobby-horses too.   

For City-wives I will not press them much,  
If they be pleased that I may only touch  
Their errors, not their persons; which shall be  
Shadowed so covertly as none shall see.  
I have observed that nothing is more sweet  
In their conceit, then when these gossips meet;  
Nor would this half so much their husbands vex,  
If all these gossips were but of one Sex:  
But this the grief on't, forth they will not go  
But they must have their foremen with them too.  
Which to redress, and for a quiet life,  
Let every one be foremen to his wife;  
For this in short time will her humour tame,  
And purchase to herself a better name.   

For the gummed grogran Citty-usurer,  
He is observed so much by Lucifer,  
I need small observation take of him,  
Being known to be th' Engrosser of all sin.  
Not all his furs nor vermin-skins shall save him,  
He has contracted with him means to have him;  
And reason good, for you shall truly find  
The master and his man both of one mind:  
For there is nought the Usurer doth crave,  
But that he may Security receive,  
With whom in this his master doth agree,  
For all he seeks is but Security.  
Yet for all this I cannot choose but love him,  
Because he cheats so many men above him,  
And by a Forfeiture or such like Sentence,  
In time he brings them unto true repentance;  
Whereas if they had never met with him,  
Perchance they had still rioted in sin.  
Besides, he's charitable, for to his door  
You cannot come but you shall see the poor;  
Yet th' cause hereof he cannot well conceal,  
" He makes all poor with whom he has to deal,   

Now for the Country, though there many be  
Who make pretences of simplicity,  
Because they little know that part of speech  
Which southern people to their children teach;  
Yet in a home- spun native Rhetoric  
They show themselves as pregnant and as quick,  
As those whose education may impart  
Far more accomplishment by means of Art.  
A subtle-piercing air has made these witty,  
Apt to deceive as any in the City;  
For th' richer grubs, we properly may call  
Broggers, Forestallers, and Regraters all:  
And these prey on his state that weakest is,  
As Whales and Sea- Bulls feed on lesser fish.  
For th' younger sort small policy discerns,  
Yet as the old Cock crows the young Cock learns;  
Though they be gulled oftimes by City▪ ware,  
They are by it made circumspecter far,  
And now and then the City recompenses  
With a commodity of stale-stuffe wenches,  
Who by their carriage gain them such esteem  
As many times they match with Aldermen.   

For th' higher rank, they live at such a rate,  
As some of them cannot support their state  
Without sinister means, yet these by awe  
Seem to oppose and contradict the Law;  
So as the Law grows tongue-tied, or else bend  
To give these Bulls of Basan all content.  
" Law's as a Spider's web, and ever was,  
" It takes the little flies, lets great ones pass.  
But let us drain these Rivulets that flow,  
Those last are lost, they were so long ago.  
If we extract not poison from each Rill,  
Enjoin us Silence, we have lost our Skill:  
But Pan should thwart the fancy of his Pipe,  
Ceasing to play when Vices are so ripe.  
Then to our Trillo; you shall hear more set  
In this Composure than you heard of yet.  
A nimble Ningle we did lately hear  
Has purchased a thousand pounds by year,  
Contracting for Delinquents, though some say '  
He was Delinquent once as well as they.  
And there's small doubt, when all Accounts are past,  
He of his House, shall be both first and last;  
For though his Fortunes to such grandeur swell,  
A ranker Cheat breathes not '●…wixt Heaven and Hell:  
So dearly hugging private Interest  
As sordid Lucre has intranc'd the Beast.  
The Proverb is," All evil comes from North,  
And worse than This the North-coast ne'er brought forth.   

Here you shall see, which I did smile to see,  
Reteyners to some man of quality  
Cheat a Sot of his Coin, or which is worse,  
In the kings high-street take away his purse,  
Which they with winged speed will forthwith carry  
Unto their old receipt or Sanctuary;  
Where these Reteyners due account must make,  
And with their state-split- Master part the stake.  
Yet who dare say that such a man as he  
Would give least countenance to thievery?  
His port doth rather argue him a Giver,  
Then to support his State with Stand, Deliver;  
But so long he his bounty did display,  
" He cannot as he would, but as he may.   

Thus I in Observations of all sort,  
Be they in Country, City, or the Court,  
Have in my Progress such exactness shown  
As I suppose no Traveller hath done.   

Yea in the Academy I observed  
Those Drones enjoy best rooms who least deserved;  
And many more, which if I should express.  
Would force the hearer to amazedness,  
That any one should possibly contain  
Such store of Observations in one brain.  
For Rules of Art so far do they excel  
The diving plots of matchless Machavell,  
That I of all the world could compose  
An Abstract of her policies, and enclose  
Each project and occurrent that befell  
Within the compass of a Wallnut-shell:  
For I ne'er viewed the form of any State  
I'd not Observe, observing imitate.  
What resteth then, but that ye do devise  
Honours for him, whose knowledge makes ye wise?    

The Court Ape.  

SO brisk I am, so sweet and so perfumed,  
I have no tricks, it may be so presumed;  
But I do muse how any one should think  
I could thus neatly go and have no chink;  
For howsoe'●…e some Courtiers have said it,  
They were supported only by their credit.  
Tradesmen grow now so wise (the more'●… the pity)  
The Court is out of credit with the City.  
At this time have I ne'er the Minories  
Two Coaches with distinguished liveries,  
Eight Barb'rie mares, two foot-cloth Naggs beside,  
O●… which, for more variety; I ride  
The public streets, to visit such a Lady,  
By whom I have a standing pension paid me.  
Coach men and Pages divers have I too,  
O●… whom my cast suits use I to bestow,  
With other veils which accidental be,  
Besides the grace they have in following me.  
Nor is this all, Crowns must I always carry,  
And hazard too when I'm at Ordinary,  
Where like true Heir of bounty I must show  
far more profuse than vulgar Gallants do.  
I have a Tweak too, one of my retinue,  
Who will expect a share in my revenue;  
" If Phoebus had no light, could Phebe shine?  
" No more can She without some aid of mine.  
Now can one think, I on this charge should sit,  
And have no means at all to second it?  
A fire must fuel have or it goes out,  
A Lamp must needs have oil applied unto 't;  
Springs Rivers feed, Seas are by Rivers fed,  
Bees suck sweet flowers, and so are nourished.  
While these in distinct nourishment do share,  
M●…st I Chameleon-like be fed with Air?  
No; I have means in Court to show my light,  
For I'm esteemed a special Favourite  
To such a Peer, whose greatness can support  
The lowest Shrub that grows within his Court;  
Much more such State- aspiring Pines as I,  
Who on his grace without desert rely.  
For if I should desert or merit weigh,  
I'd make a Conscience of those tricks I play;  
But bare might I be as the slough- stripped Snake,  
If of my pranks I should a Conscience make:  
For this my maxim is;" He that will blush,  
" Or value honesty more than a Rush,  
" Or so precise, he'll no advantage take,  
" May thrive in Court, but he's not very like.  
But not it rests, that I my tricks do show,  
Which shown, judge if I may not thrive or no.  
In Court I live and flourish where I live,  
Apt to receive, but seldom apt to give;  
In every Boat a private Oare-I have,  
Where th' bargain's ill I neither win nor save:  
For I've a brain has wit enough to plot,  
And for a Conscience I know it not;  
Because this Conscience such a Scarecrow is,  
As it deterreth us from what's amiss;  
Which if we should observe, it would be like  
Within short time to overthrow us quite.  
If any State-employment be in hand,  
I by some secret Agent understand  
Whereto it tends, compounding with a friend,  
To whom by means the State doth recommend  
This public task, that I may share with him  
In th' benefit that he's employed in;  
Which if he grant, to raise his estimate  
I recommend his service to the State,  
Extolling his deserts, saying;" 'Twere fit  
" Such men as he should reap a benefit  
" By their employments, otherwise 't would seem  
" The State were weak & could not judge of them:  
Yet I may swear sincerely from my heart,  
I little prize or value his desert;  
My chiefest aim and principallest care  
Is how I may in his preferment share.  
For to that end did I his worth improve,  
Causing him think 't was only for his love,  
Whereas peculiar profit drew me to it,  
Nor care I much if all the world do know it.  
For these are usual projects now a days,  
And if contrived nimbly, merit praise  
In th' undertaker; yea I know a Man  
High in the Courts esteem, who now and than  
For all his outward lustre will not stick  
To gull the State with this familiar trick.  
If any one, whose service hath been tried,  
Sue by some means for to be gratified,  
That he his hopes on stronger stays may ground,  
He with this graceful Courtier doth compound;  
That if he shall procure him such a Sum  
For all the former service he hath done,  
He shall be Sharer with him, and receive  
Two parts and more of all that he shall have.  
This moves this sprightly Courtier to persuade,  
That such a sum of money may be paid  
For such State- service, which above compare  
Deserves due guerdon; for his only care  
(As he pretends) is to prefer the suit  
Of them whose name hath purchased them repute.  
The State weighs his deserts, and doth bestow  
What's fit and equal for his service too.  
But when it's to be paid, this understand,  
Seldom a fourth part comes to th' owner's hand;  
For his persuasive Orator will share  
Above the former composition far,  
Telling him how, if't had not been for him  
He had not got the value of a pin:  
Then fit it were that he three parts allot  
To him by whom his entire suit was got.  
Thus must we plot and reap the greatest gain  
Through their deserts, who in the Camp remain  
Subject to all those miseries of war,  
Which on the Soldier still inflicted are.  
Our soft down beds be all the harms we feel,  
Our silken- Robes, our Harness and our Steel;  
Our Crystal springs of luscious Hypocrice,  
Our humours taste no warlike enterprise;  
Our Congees, Cringes, amorous salutes,  
Our Love-inducing- Sonnets, warbling Lutes,  
Our Masks, Tilts, Triumphs & obsequious greetings,  
Our closely encounters in our Entry-meetings,  
Our dear Eringo love-provocatives,  
Our Julips, Apozems, Preservatives,  
Our secret plots to work our ends thereby,  
Closing our drifts within an Oyster- pie,  
Our private aims to purchase such a wife,  
By laying siege now in her husband's life;  
Our french- Moriscoes, motives of delight,  
Our Parachito, Monkey, Marmosite,  
Our Arbour- dalliance, when we make resort  
To those sweet groves and gardens of the Court,  
Move us to joy in such a happy birth,  
As those who do enjoy their heaven on earth.  
In brief, what's choice we have it, and contemn  
Those weak delights are used by vulgar- men.  
Here you shall see a man of discipline,  
One who came off right bravely in his time,  
With all observance make recourse to us,  
That we would deign to be propitious  
To his preferred Suit; which we set light,  
howsoever his cause seem equal and upright.  
The reason is, this Supplicant is poor,  
And with a bounteous hand can scarcely shower  
Into our boundless skrips, what we expect,  
" This is the cause his Suit takes no effect.  
Thus in the Court do we our lustre show,  
And on inferior groundlings take a view  
With such contempt, as they who us behold,  
Would hardly think us made both of one mould.  
For come we within distance but of those,  
We hold a Pomander straight to our nose,  
Lest their rank breath should any way infect us,  
Or that the popular might more respect us.  
Yet I protest I can no reason see,  
That we of them more cautelous should be  
For any such infectious air, I say,  
Then they of us, corrupter far than they.  
But far be it removed from my breast  
To hatch least thought of staining my own nest:  
For there's enough that will this stain increase  
In every coast, though I should hold my peace,   

Now from the Court to City must I go,  
Where I my tricks am purposed to show,  
Which I'm indifferent, please they or displease,  
But to display them briefly, they be these.   

I have choice Spies and Tarriers in the town,  
Who by their long experience now are grown  
Ripe in observance; now the use I make  
Of these, is this; they serious notice take  
Of such commodities as bear most sway,  
And at what special rate they go away.  
Which known, I hold it thriving policy  
To make a Suit for this Monopoly,  
By which the tradesmen shall be forced to stand  
Till they seek composition at my hand.  
Or else I cause the Impost to be raised,  
Which new enhancement I have no sooner caused  
Than I make means (such is the course of us)  
To get unto myself the overplus.  
Or else I farm this Impost of the king,  
But what is due to him I seldom bring;  
For th' Maxim is I hope, as it hath been,  
" Where there is much, much will be overseen.  
Another fear I have, and it is this,  
If any Tradesman in the town shall wish  
To vent such Ware as he hath now with him,  
Before some new Commodities come in,  
Let him anoint me well, I will make way  
That no new Ware be sold till such a day.  
As for example, if a Vintner would  
Before new wines come in, ven●… all his old;  
By my procurement I can cause restraint  
Of all new Wines, till he his old shall vent:  
Yea, and enhance the rate too of his own,  
Because such want of Wines are in the town.  
If any likewise would Protection have,  
Be he ne'●…e such a State-abusing knave,  
He shall receive it by some means of ours,  
And wipe the nose of all his Creditors:  
Yea break he in the morning, yet ere night  
The Son of this same Bankrupt shall be Knight.  
More curious feats I have besides all these,  
Which to my waning coffers yield increase;  
But in the City they so frequent are,  
As they grow now like to their sullied ware:  
So as of these I'll briefly make an end,  
And to my Country-Cormorants descend.   

Hath any man desire to have his nest  
Or any of his brood graced with a Crest?  
Though there were never Title of his own  
To any of his Predecessors known,  
He shall to him and his a Style inherit,  
Which after times may think he got by merit,  
Or some Field-service that he never did,  
Or some strange Act, which to the world is hid▪  
A Catalogue of Honours I have written,  
Whereof he may make choice as he thinks fitting;  
An Herald's arch these Titles are displayed on,  
Barons, Knights-baronets', or new-styled Vaidon;  
Only I fear, some of these honours be  
Of too high rank for such an one as he:  
Yet if he will but lose his strong-ty'd-purse,  
I'll get him one, a better or a worse.  
For Honours as they should, so humble seem,  
Many enjoy them know not what they mean;  
Which th' Herald shadows oft times with a jest,  
Devising for their Coat as strange a Crest;  
As three Red-Herrings in a forrest-greene,  
With a souc'd-Gurnet peering up between▪  
Or for one Comb, as I have heard it said,  
A currycomb betwixt two Suns displayed.  
But now admit the Country grow so wise,  
It will by no means yield to such a price,  
Alleging how there is no reason why  
That they at such high rate should honour buy,  
Seeing decrease of money it is such,  
As there be few that have it, but will grudge,  
Though they do value Honour as their life,  
To pay so much as then when Coin was rife.  
Or else perhaps Honours so common seem,  
As now they fall into such disesteem,  
They will have no more Knights made▪ '●is so agreed on,  
Lest they should want ancient Esquires to breed on.  
Admit, I say, all this, I have a feat  
To get me Lands and livings by Escheat;  
For, by my Tarriers, I do understand  
Of all improved and concealed Land,  
Which presently I beg, and in an hour  
Turn Husband, wife and children out a door.  
Compound with me none can at any rate,  
For now all composition comes too late;  
I them seized and in possession, taking care  
To build a curious house to seat my Heir;  
Planting delicious Orchards to delight  
With luscious fruits, the choicest appetite;  
Contriving spacious fishponds closed round,  
With marble Columns raised from the ground:  
In brief, there's nothing that you can devise,  
Appears not in this earthly Paradise.  
Now all these works are finished and done,  
To rear a sumptuous Mansion for my Son,  
Who many times before I turn to mould,  
Hath his Reversion to another sold;  
Which so prevents my care, I'd think no sin,  
But that I have conferred my State on him,  
To strip this Wag, who in a Net doth dance,  
Of all the hope of his inheritance.  
But 'tis no matter, I have a State for life,  
Which I suppose will mediate this strife;  
For now of late I them run so far on shelf,  
All I have left will scarcely serve myself.  
Yet must I gull the time and make a show  
As if I had more own than I do owe;  
My foot-cloth bears me out, nor is my debt  
So great as I need much to pawn it yet.  
In Progress time, I likewise go to see  
Amongst other Apes, the University,  
Where though 
* Licinius Valerianus▪  Licinius-like all Arts I hate,  
I must be made forthwith a Graduate  
For which I promise, when they come to Court,  
Some Chaplains place, but they must pay me for't.  
Thus have I shown my tricks in every place,  
And howe'er some twit me to my face,  
Affording me (poor Snakes) no better word  
Then of a Carpet-civet▪ comfit Lord,  
Though aged Court-Apes fall into contempt,  
I them none of these, my person is exempt:  
Who have no tricks to cheat may droop and die,  
But thanks unto the Stars, this need not I;  
My happy Fate such apprehension lent me,  
As I would see that man could circumvent me.  
Now he that has a wit and will not use it  
Unto his best advantage, doth abuse it.  
It rests, as you have heard so to report,  
No tricks are like those tricks are played at Court.    

The City Ape.  

'tIs strange to hear this silken-gull prefer  
Those plots by which his Courtship seems to err,  
Before those honest aims which ever are  
Both more secure and more successive far.  
'Tis sure the corrupt age he liveth in  
Makes him thus vainly glory in his sin;  
Or else he holds Confession of his crimes  
Agreeing well with these absolving times,  
Where sundry Rites they to the Church restore  
Which we ne'er heard this threescore years before.  
But doth this painted▪ Trunk, whose best repute  
Dependeth on the fashion of his Suit,  
Imagine all the Projects of the State,  
To have no other Forge but from his pate?  
Or that there is no Engineer so quick,  
To vie with him in matters politic?  
Yes, know thou powdered and perfumed Ape,  
For all thy Cinnamon adulterate shape,  
Though thou seem to disvalue other men,  
I'll match thee with a grogran▪ Citizen,  
Who, as it will appear before we part,  
Shall put thee down with tricks spite of thy heart.  
Yet I ne'er travelled far to get them neither,  
Being a birthright left me by my Father;  
So as in these I cannot well miscarry,  
Because they are to me Hereditary.  
Nor be my actions half so base as His,  
For all his policy mere servile is;  
he's tied to dance attendance early, late,  
And to Petition men for his estate;  
Grounding his hopes on others overthrow,  
But I'd be ●…oth to raise my Fortunes so.  
My Shop's my Ship, where I do vent my ware,  
To which both Court and Country do repair;  
Where if the buyer chance to bid too much  
For his commodity, I am none such  
To lessen what he offers; my receit  
Of custom, is the place where I must wait:  
Where if I should make scruple of my gain,  
How should I pay my rent or port maintain?  
I must and will for my best vantage stand,  
" Let the gull take his loss in his own hand.  
Yet some are thus opinioned, Of all men  
There's none more simple than a Citizen;  
For he can scarcely any reason show  
For aught he sees, but asks where Malt doth grow:  
This makes them call us Cockneys, nor do we  
Thrive worse for that we so accounted be.  
For we darke-shops to vent ill ware may use,  
And with simplicity our guile excuse;  
Protest yes verily, and make a show  
Of that which verily is nothing so.  
Here you shall see a gallant-gull come near us,  
When in our shops he shall no sooner hear us  
Cry out to passengers What do ye lack?  
But he is forthwith ta'en with some new knack;  
Out cometh gold from this Arabian▪ Rat,  
Which our keen lick'rish Teeth do water at.  
More will we ask than we expect by half,  
Of purpose to entrap this golden-Calfe;  
For there 's no purchase in the world can please  
A Citizen so much as gulling these.  
The reason is, our weakness they contemn  
As silly, simple and plain-dealing men,  
Because (forsooth) we no discoursers be,  
But only of our own commodity.  
We know no tillage, nor no pasture grounds,  
The City-walls have ever been our bounds,  
Unless along we with a neighbour go  
To Croyden, Acton, Newington, or so.  
Now there is nought on earth makes me so sorry,  
As that this Court-Ape should so vainly glory  
That we repair to him for his direction,  
In the procurement of our own Protection,  
Which is not so; for as we laid first plot  
Of bringing that to pass which we have got,  
So I'll maintain it, none of these but we  
Are Agents too in this immunity:  
Which to confirm, I purpose to relate  
A Precedent which happened but of late.  
" One of my Bretherhood of good esteem,  
" As any near Long-lane long time hath been,  
" Pretending by a mighty loss on Sea,  
" (Though this was but a mere pretended plea)  
" That he through poverty could not defray,  
" What he in Conscience was bound to pay.  
" Yet long ere this, that he might Statutes shun,  
" Had he conferred his State upon his Son.  
" With this pretence he to a Courtier goes,  
" To whom sincerely he his purpose shows,  
" Imparting to him briefly his intent  
" Was to make men believe his means were spent;  
" That so he might by this deluding cheat,  
" Increase his State, his Creditors defeat.  
" Mean time his aid he humbelly would crave,  
" That for his Debts he may Protection have;  
" Which curtsy should so tie him during breath,  
" His State should be the Courtiers at his death.  
" This the spruce credulous silkworm seems to trust,  
" And little dreams what State was made at first;  
" But by Assumpsit holding th' Grant secure,  
" He a Protection labours to procure:  
" Which got, my fox-fured Brother was at ease,  
" Frolic and merry as a Mouse in Cheese.  
" But now ensues the jest, when he should die,  
" (As no Protection against mortality)  
" Adoption did the Courtier so entrance  
" In hope of his assured inheritance,  
" he'd suffer none (so careful was the elf)  
" To visit this rich sick-man but himself;  
" About his Bed still would he seem to be,  
" Expecting that which he did long to see:  
" But lo! his hopes were turned to despair,  
" When he perceived another made his Heir;  
" Which caused him vow that he would never after,  
" Make his Protections instruments of laughter.  
But I do wonder how Court-Apes should seem  
So much our City-Apes to disesteem;  
They ' r made, I them sure, of selfsame element,  
howsoever they seem inferior in descent.  
No, nor inferior in descent at all,  
As might be proved of late from Girdlers-hall,  
Where One of obscure race as one could be,  
Without so much as a welsh-Pedigree,  
When he deceased, so well his fortunes stood,  
Was found descended of a noble blood.  
Which makes me think, if so their race were known,  
That there be many Tradesmen in the Town,  
Whose high descent aims at a noble pitch,  
Provided always, that these men die rich:  
For then, for Heirs they need take little care,  
Some noble unknown kinsman will be Heir:  
The Law enableth him as heir apparent,  
For why; A great man's claim includes a Warrant.  
But while I make my brethren's actions known,  
I am forgetful wholly of mine own.  
For th' little time I did the Court frequent,  
I found it wanton and incontinent;  
Which I observing, though a City-Ape,  
I had a great desire to imitate:  
And that you may know how I profited,  
I'll show you briefly where I practised.  
" To a Court-Landresse first did I repair,  
" Encountering her at bottom of a stair;  
" Which by experience I may safely swear,  
" Within a fortnight after cost me dear.  
" For she demanding of me where I dwelled,  
" Weakly and unadvisedly I tell 't,  
" Whereof she made this use: One day being come  
" Unto my Shop, when I was gone from home,  
" (For by direction she my shop had found)  
" She called for ware to th' value of ten pound;  
" My man expecting money, she delayed him,  
" Ask where was his Master, she had paid him?  
" Long had not he and she contesting been  
" Till I, as fortune bad, came rushing in;  
" Whom she no sooner eyed, then by my name  
" Saluting me, she justified the same.  
" Where Duck (quoth I?) she, rounding in mine ear  
" (But never blushed at matter) told me where.  
" I, lest I should my credit overthrow,  
" Told her, I did remember it was so,  
" Entreating her excuse, I had forgot it;  
" Thus did I colour 't so, as none could note it.  
But now my reputation doth remain  
Free from all touch, as if it ne'er had stain;  
All causes unto me are now referred,  
As the sufficientst man within the Ward.  
If any child be in the Parish got,  
I of the Parents take especial note  
To take them jointly bound, be 't boy or daughter,  
That th' Parish be not charged with it after.  
For I them held none of these who prate non sense,  
Spending the day in nodding on a bench;  
For these, as if their beard held all their wit,  
Speak scarce two words but they are stroking it.  
I know right well, there 's not an Officer,  
From Treasurer unto the Scavenger,  
But needs those choice directions of mine,  
For I have borne each office in my time,  
And in each place of note so well become me  
As there was none could take advantage on me.  
But I shall little need to press this theme,  
The City notice takes of my esteem;  
The Vergers too, so highly do approve me,  
As scarce two Seats be in the Church above me.  
Now having got such honour in the Town,  
I'll take survey where I am lesser known;  
If they dis-value me, impute ye it  
To want of my acquaintance, or their wit.  
To th' University I ne'er repair  
But once a year, and that 's at Sturbridg-faire;  
Yet am I known to many Scholars there,  
Who buy of me whats'ever they do wear.  
Silks, Satins, Grograns, Serges of each sort,  
Of me they cheap, and I do cheat them for't.  
If á penurious Master have a mind  
To Satten-face his doublet, though behind  
It be of Buckram, he will to me resort,  
And tell me he's enjoined to preach at Court;  
So as he means, if God will give him leave,  
To buy a Satten-forepart, with half-sleeve;  
For that 's as much he thinks as will be seen,  
To gain unto his person more esteem.  
Forthwith I find a Remnant of the best,  
(So much at least I verily protest)  
Wherewith I do sufficiently store  
This choice Divine, who ne'er bought silk before.  
Yet I confess this Remnant that he bought,  
Such a commodity 'twas good for nought,  
Being gummed throughout to make it neatly shine,  
Which gave content unto this spruce Divine.  
When th' Fair is done I to the College come,  
Or else I drink with them at Trompington;  
Craving their more acquaintance with my heart  
Till our next Sturbridg fair, and so we part.   

Now for the Country; where I make my stay  
In no place longer then at Beverley▪  
To Country maids, and Gentlewomen too,  
My newest and alluringst stuffs I show;  
Which do so mad them, they perforce must buy,  
And I perceive their humour by their eye:  
So as I ever hold that stuff most dear,  
To which these Goostings most affections bear;  
Swearing it cost me more than all the rest,  
For P. and G. ▪ s the mark which proves it best.  
Then with shop-usual formal Rhetoric,  
I touch these itching tamefowles to the quick,  
For I do tell them, if they hold 't too dear  
I'd wish them to go try some other where;  
But I them persuaded, though they do complain  
My rates too high, they ' l come to me again;  
For sure I am, wheres'ever they do try,  
There 's none can sell at lower rates than I.  
Thus I adjure them, yet perhaps they'll go  
To make a trial, to a shop or two,  
But this the jest; we have a practise made,  
The better to enhance our thriving trade,  
Amongst ourselves no secret must be hid,  
But we are to give notice what they bid,  
That we may altogether sing one song,  
And by our rates not one another wrong.  
Yea, by our art to gain our trades their due,  
We have a trick to sell old ware for new;  
Which countrypeople seldom do perceive,  
For they be too simple to smell out a knave.  
Although sometimes they fit us in our kind,  
When they with easy gale and ready wind,  
In every Coast do take especial care  
To change stale▪ wenches with our slubberd-ware;  
Which we accept, and if good luck bechance them,  
To great-man's wives their fortune may advance them.   

Thus have you heard the tricks that I can play,  
Which smoothly carried profit more than they,  
Whose glorious outsides paint their projects over  
With nothing else save with a gilded cover.  
If Wags be gulled by running on our shelves,  
We were not cause on't, they may thank themselves  
We in our Shops do stand, they come unto us,  
To profit what we can they will allow us.  
But if't dislike them that we should do so,  
Truth is we will do 't whether they will or no;  
●…or it was never yet to any known  
But One might make best use he could of'●… own.  
Which whether I have done or no, review  
My courses o'er, and I'll be judged by you.    

The Country Ape.  

Hark how this silken civet Citizen  
Esteems of us poor silly Countrymen;  
As if we were of no account or note,  
But had a brain as simple as our coat.  
Why, pray you Sir, if I may be so bold,  
Are you of purer or of choicer mould?  
Or do you breath on fresher air than we?  
Or shines some Star on your nativity,  
Which keeps her light from us? or is your wit  
So pure, as all draw influence from it?  
Are you so subtle, as you only have  
The trick to Cheat, to Cousin and Deceive?  
No Sir, though I live in a wilder place,  
For sleights and feats I ' le bate you ne'er an Ace.  
Your darke-loomed Shops shall never have it so,  
False Balances, base Compositions too,  
Counterfeit Stuffs our hare-brained Fops to gull,  
In every Country shop we have them full.  
For you must know the Country's no such Ape  
But it can City-fashions imitate;  
Yea we have nimble Monkeys of all sort  
Can personate both City and the Court;  
Which near resemblance that it may appear,  
Give ear to my discourse and you shall hear.   

First we have Lords and Ladies very many,  
As proud and haughty as the Court has any;  
There's not a fashion known but it comes down,  
For such as these have Tailors in the Town,  
By whose intelligence they are informed  
What's new, which they observe howsoever deformed.  
Being thus attired, they're presently addressed  
To shewtheir bravery at some Gossip's feast;  
Where many Country gentlewomen are,  
Who by observance take especial care  
What these great Persons wear, for they intent  
To be in fashion ere the sennet end,  
Which if their frugal Husbands but deny,  
They hope by putting finger in the eye  
To get their purpose; for they little stand  
Whether new fashions make them sell their Land.  
Which our May-morish Wenches likewise follow,  
Who think they bear away the fashion hollow.  
Nor do these only imitate the Court  
In sumptuous habit, and are beggared for 't;  
But forasmuch as they in Court do see  
No great respect of hospitality,  
They hold it providence to shut up door,  
No matter though they famish all the poor:  
Or that they may their private waste maintain,  
Both Lords and Knights do table with their men.  
Here you shall see a Farmer's door barred up,  
Where th' poor may cry but is from alms shut;  
His cries, his tears can no compassion force,  
For th' more he begs, he ever fares the worse.  
What boots it, though his Barns and Garnars be  
Stored with all fruits, yet he pleads poverty?  
His aims are how to get, and if he can  
To make his Mushram imp a gentleman.   

Besides all this, I would be very loath  
That Court or City either of them both,  
Should show more art in any Contract making,  
Then we can do for all their undertaking.  
Yea I myself can of myself aver,  
I know no griping-grinding Usurer,  
Whose practice is oppression, but I'll vie  
With him or any one under the sky.  
For Courtiers no such business intent,  
They only borrow, Usurers do lend.  
But show me that Man at a full Exchange,  
Be he home-born or to our Country strange,  
Whose long profession, give the man his dew,  
Has a seered Conscience worse than any Jew,  
And I will cope with him in his profession,  
Be it Church-simonie or State-opression.  
For this my practice is the whole year thorough,  
When any come to me in hope to borrow;  
First to examine his necessity,  
As, Wants he Bread to feed his family;  
Or is his Living gauged, and day at hand,  
He either must redeem or lose his Land;  
Or is he in such bondage, as his grief  
Requires without delay present relief;  
I'll hold his Nose to Grindstone and so use him,  
He shall do what I please, or let him choose him,  
Statutes on Statutes forthwith so pursue him,  
As like Actaeon's hounds they still do view him,  
So that unless he hie him all the faster  
They will in time devour their breathless master.  
For Conscience haggard-like I do disclaim her,  
Since He that has her, seldom proves a gainer.   

Two bags I have, the one whereof I call  
Just All the World, and it holds nought at all;  
The other Bag, with which I use to lend  
Money to those that want, I call my Friend;  
Whereof I make this use; if any come  
Requesting me to lend them such a sum,  
If th'offers they propound, content not me,  
As want of pawn or good security,  
I presently reply to these who crave,  
In All the world I not one penny have;  
But if such come as I may profit by them  
Be 't the same instant, I will not deny them:  
For though I have no Coin, as I pretend,  
To give them all content, I'll use my Friend.  
After this manner am I wont to deal  
In all my practice with the Commonweal.   

Now you shall hear how cunningly I lurch  
By Simony the Pastor of the Church.  
Impropriations have I one or two  
With some Advousons' which I thus bestow,  
Lest any of my profits should be lost,  
" I hold them best deserving who give most.  
These I induct, for I do value them  
Well worthy th' place who are well-monied men,  
But least some censure should on me befall  
By being found thus Simoniacal,  
Whereby the Prince's privilege might choose one  
To take the benefit of my Advouson;  
That I more smoothly may delude the State,  
I in my sale use to Equivocate.  
As for example, I do take a course  
To sell the Parson whom I choose a Horse,  
A Library of Books to furnish him,  
Because he wants Books when he enters in;  
And these I rate to him at such a price,  
As serves for Horse, Books, and for Benefice.  
Now who can say that I do sell this Living,  
Whose bounteous hand is so inclined to giving?  
Tell me what Great one makes them fairer play,  
To give both Books and Benefice away?  
No, No, the most of all our Clerks will swear,  
Though th' Benefice be cheap, th' Addition's dear:  
But let them look to this before they enter,  
I make no conscience of it, Caveat Emptor.  
Yea I do hold these kinds of Sale as good,  
If they be well and duly understood,  
As to make tender of them for one's life;  
Provided that he take her for his Wife  
Whom they shall choose; which voluntary offer  
Makes me suspect, her Master has made proffer  
Of some familiar curtsy long before,  
" I count him mad will for a living bore.  
But if he must, let him be his own Carver,  
" Who chooseth not his Wife doth ill deserve her.  
She's his impropriation, which through hate  
Unto his person, might engraff his pate;  
Whence in his Parish would abroad be known,  
" He had a Common-place Book of his own.  
But let these Contracts pass, they're known enough  
Both in the Church and in the Country through;  
I'll now descend to show what fiery spirit  
Our native Country people do inherit;  
Which I persuade me, will seem strange to all,  
Because we seem as if we had no gall:  
But we do scorn that any place should be  
More malapertly factious than we.  
For when I was a Tenant I do know,  
(Though I'm nò Tennant but a Landlord now,)  
I would commence a suit upon my Lord  
(Because I knew the Law) for any word.  
In which Commencement, many flocked together  
Like Birds all of one brood and of one feather,  
Who with joint Combination made a purse,  
To put their seam-rent Landlord to the worse.  
Yea I have known so insolent a Nation,  
As when they heard the Prince's Proclamation  
Tend to th' extinguishment of Tennantright,  
They in a braving manner set it light,  
Affronting their weak Landlords at their gate,  
Vowing they'd force them to confirm their state  
Nor be their haughty Lords less domineering,  
Puffed up with present hope of a next Hearing;  
For now am I a Landlord and must shark  
(For Priest forgets that ever he was Clerk,)  
As others do, by raising Fine on Fine,  
And cram myself how ere my Tenant pine.  
Great are my debts, and my expenses large,  
Now whom should I think fitting to discharge  
This heavy task which thus ore-burdens me,  
But these rich Gormaws who my Tenants be?  
Which that it may more covertly be done,  
In all my State I do invest my Son;  
On which Estate doth presently ensue  
A General Fine, which hath been ever due.  
Scarce is this Fine paid, till I make a claim,  
By re-estating of myself again,  
Of a new Fine, whereto they must consent  
Or have a trial for their tenement.  
Which if the Court ad judge once to be mine▪  
To Demaine land convert I it in time;  
So as Depopulation is as common  
As is inconstancy unto a Woman:  
For in the Country many Farms appear,  
As neither Farm nor Farmer had been there.   

Now forasmuch as we all Learning lack,  
Unless we have it from an Almanac,  
For I do know no Nation under Sun  
In a Prognostication puts us down;  
You shall perceive (for so I hold it fit)  
What special use we daily make of it.  
Herein we note and take observance too  
Whether our Heir be like to thrive or no;  
Which we collect by this rare-erring form,  
We seek the Planet when he first was borne,  
For we assure ourselves this cannot err,  
Proved and confirmed by Shepherd's Calendar.  
If any days foretell ensuing dearth,  
Those be our days of Jubilee and mirth;  
For my own part I speak it, I do fear  
Nothing so greatly, as a plenteous year:  
For so much grain I've in my Barns engrossed,  
As if it prove not dear, it will be lost;  
For till the Markets rise, as now they fall,  
I'll bring none forth, let Rats consume it all.  
What do I care, though Justices do seek  
My Barns and well-stored Granars week by week,  
Vaults and close-arched caves I have below  
Within the earth, of which they little know  
Nor ever shall; so I myself may serve  
I take no thought if all the Country starve.  
" They who for others good their course contrive,  
" May live beloved, but die before they thrive.  
To Court or City seldom I repair,  
Nor do I know any employment there.  
To University I never come,  
Unless along I carry up my Son  
To get a Scholars place, and after rise  
By my fat purse unto some Benefice.  
Mean time that he a lesser charge might be,  
To my Estate I still plead poverty;  
Which Master of the College oft believes,  
Whereby my Son a Scholership receives:  
Though I'm resolved for money I have more  
Than many of their Founders had before.  
Thus have I lived, and thus I mean to live,  
Apt to receive but most unapt to give;  
Thus hoard I Treasure for my Son and Heir,  
And get my Harvest while the season's fair.  
Oppression is my darling, which I take  
From none so much as from the City Ape;  
Whose contracts are the stories that I read,  
So as I find my knowledge bettered  
By daily use and practise I observe,  
From whose choice Rules I would be loath to swerve;  
Mean time let me be rude and simple thought,  
So may my purpose to effect be brought.    

The Church Ape.  

I Am a Levite and a great one too,  
And can observe the time as others do;  
In my Opinions I am wondrous wary,  
Lest I offend the State and so miscarry;  
For th' only Scarecrow that I boggle at,  
Is not distaste of conscience but the State.  
And twice a year I commonly resort  
For observations sake unto the Court;  
Where it's the sum and substance of my care  
To note how men in Grace affected are  
Unto Religion, for 'tis only these  
Who at their Girdle hang Saint Peter's keys:  
To whom (I wis) sole Sovereignty is given,  
To open on earth, but to be shut from heaven.  
If they be pure, I show my heat of zeal,  
As much as any in the Commonweal;  
But if I find a coldness where I come,  
Or an inclining to the Sea of Rome,  
Mine Arguments like pellets I bestow  
The English Discipline to overthrow.  
Most men are of opinion where I live  
That I am rich, for I no alms do give,  
I keep no House nor Hospitality,  
But for extortion, fraud, and usury,  
I keep receipt of custom; thus say they,  
But alas poor fools, they know not what they say;  
For if they knew how my corrivals crossed me,  
How much in bribes my Consecration cost me;  
How much procuring such a Lady's Letter  
To such a Lord, though I was ne'er the better;  
How, though I bear the Title, yet I am  
No Real Bishop, but a Servingman  
To such a great man, for his Farmer am I,  
Who though I would, cheat him hardly can I;  
If they knew this, they would right soon confess  
I were the poorst in all my Diocese.  
And though a Pastor should be none of these,  
Who share both in the Flesh and in the Fleece,  
I must not only Fleece but Flay them quick  
Till I have paid well for my Bishopric.  
Nor is my charge the less, when this is done,  
For I have a wanton wife, a wasteful Son,  
Who must have fresh supplies to feed their riot,  
howsoever by hook or crook they may come by it.  
I have a Lord; and daily I attend him,  
Who made me once a grant of th' next Commendam  
Should fall into his Lapse; but I do hear  
A Simoniack▪ Slaves inducted there,  
Which if I prove, he's forfeit his Induction,  
And be suspended henceforth from his Function.  
Yet though these Motes in others I make known,  
I never note these Eye-beams of mine own.  
I can dispense with private Simony,  
And make a virtue of necessity;  
Yea and maintain that common error too,  
Framing Apologies for what I do.  
'Tis ill you'll say, which you observe in some,  
Who by the window to the Temple come;  
But I must answer, They're mistaken quite,  
For to the Church no way can be more right,  
For though Noahs-arke, the Churches type, had doors  
And windows too as this same Church of ours,  
Yet that gall-wanting Bird when Noah had sent her  
To take survey, did by the window enter.  
An Olive branch she in her bill did bear,  
Implying that the dry-land did appear,  
And to the Ark, the Church's figure hies,  
And through no Door but by the Window flies.  
To us this Simile may have relation,  
Who should resemble Doves in conversation,  
Our way is by the window not the door,  
Since to the Ark Doves led that way before.  
In great assemblies I do seldom preach,  
Lest I false doctrine to my flock should teach,  
For I confess I am no great Divine,  
Nor in such studies do I spend my time:  
At Bethel once indeed I made assay,  
When most of th' learned Doctors were away,  
Where some report, my Doctrine moved much laughter  
Which made me vow I'd ne'er come thither after.  
And I've observed my vow; nor do I care,  
When I do hear that such a Chaplain's rare,  
And that he's flocked to by the better sort,  
Or gains himself a singular report.  
For this opinion, like a dangerous shelf,  
Makes a poor Preacher oft undo himself  
With a continuate study, yea not one  
Of these is aught but only skin and bone.  
But let me come more near them; what's their aim,  
But to receive preferment by their fame?  
Which I have got, and now may silent be,  
While more deserving men attend on me.  
Unto the City seldom I repair,  
Unless it be for some delicious fare,  
Wherein I take more absolute delight  
Then ere in fasting did the Anchorite.  
Sometimes perchance I to th' Exchange may go,  
To buy my wife what she enjoined me to;  
Some new-invented Dressing thats in grace,  
Sweet powders for her skin, oils for her face,  
Or some provocatives which may move sense,  
And cause me give her due benevolence.  
All which I buy where they are to be sold,  
For I must tell you I am growing old,  
And gladly would my imperfections smother,  
By giving her content one way or other.  
For else she might, which would a scandal be,  
During my Visitation cuckold me,  
As some have done, whom I'd be loath to mention,  
Who now maintains One with her Bishop's Pension:  
And this is better far as I suppose,  
Then have her keep a knave close by my nose,  
Who night by night with her would closely drab it,  
And change my Rochet to Actaeon's habit.  
Tertullia's opinion I despise,  
Who held this tenant, None should marry twice;  
With which strange error I was ne'er misled,  
For I have two, and neither of them dead.  
Of Basils' mind among us there be few,  
Who would not change his old wife for a new.  
" Much of one thing breeds loathing, therefore we  
" Must cheer our palates with variety.  
I hold that act of Luther bravely done,  
Who made Bess Bore a Leman of a Nun,  
Which sprightly action wondrously rejoiced her,  
In hope to get a clyster for a cloister.  
With Romish-Catholicks I could agree  
In all their points of Doctrine save these three,  
Fasting, Prayer, Alms-works, for these be those  
Which we profess to be our greatest foes.  
First Fasting, whereto they ascribe a merit.  
It takes both of the flesh and of the spirit,  
Disheartens Nature, weakens her delight,  
Consumes the marrow, dulls the appetite;  
Seares up the radick humour, and doth quench  
The native ardour of Concupiscence.  
Indeed it makes devotion ferverous  
And full of zeal, But what is that to us?  
Let Hermit's for devotion give exemple,  
Zeal hath been long since whipped out of our Temple.  
Secondly Prayer, though sovereign and good,  
And rightly styled the Souls eternal food,  
Our business being many, I think meet,  
That our devotion should be short and sweet.  
For many worldly affairs have we in hand,  
Which if we should upon promotion stand  
Might of●… miscarry, whence may gathered be,  
Long Pray●…s can no way stand with Policy.  
For Almsdeeds; All misdeeds I observe,  
For by Goodworks I mean not to deserve;  
'Tis superstitious Doctrine, Babel's stain,  
And such as none but Rhemists will maintain.  
Time was indeed, but time's not as it was,  
When no way fa●…ing traveller could pass  
Without relief, for Hospitals were then  
Harbours and Inns to all distressed men.  
Which bounty was by Abby-lubbers shown,  
Who had no wives nor children of their own;  
Which we account of as an oldwives fable,  
Our Olive-branches spread about our table,  
And though they seldom prosper, yet must we  
Have special care of our posterity:  
For worse far than Infidels they are,  
That of their families will have no care.   

Men of our rank, there's nothing so much raises  
As gaining great men's Love with Bribes and Praises;  
This is that Cement joins us unto them,  
Whence we contemn inferior Clergymen,  
Whom th' hand of greatness to small honour lifts,  
Because they▪ r not, as we are, Men of Gifts.  
Some muse why any one would me install,  
Having no Learning nor no worth at all;  
But I reply, these Places where we be,  
Require small learning but much policy.  
There was a time, which time's estranged from ours,  
When we were Rabbis and Expositors  
Of holy-Writ, and taught the heavenly way,  
And in our Gen'rall-Councels bore great sway.  
But we account him simple now, that cares  
More for Divine then Temporal affairs.  
Learning's an useless Relic, or a Prize  
Got with a wasted body, and dim eyes  
Which oft contemns preferment, with desire,  
Like a sequestered Ermit to retire  
From th' view of earth: while we take little care  
For this esteem, which vanisheth like air.  
Our contemplation is how we may skip  
To some more rich, commodious-Bishoprick.  
Where we may hatch our eggs, and feed our brood,  
And labour to get good, but do no good.  
And thanks unto my Fates, I have now in hand  
The richest-Bishoprick in all the Land,  
And privileges too, so great and many,  
As more or higher there enjoys not any.  
To instance some whereof, that I have here,  
I have power to choose the Sheriff of the Shear;  
If any Justice shall my Grace displease,  
I'll thrust him from th' Commission of the Peace,  
And make him veil to th' lowest of my Train,  
Before he be restored to is place again.  
No Suit may be commenced in any Court  
▪ 'Gainst 〈◊〉 mine but I will fi●… him 〈◊〉.  
If any one no present chance to send,  
He shall ere long find me his heavy friend;  
So as of late, I have brought them to that use,  
As Country Presents will maintain my house.  
Some works of seeming zeal I do profess,  
Yet is my love to th' World nothing less;  
For out of fear lest some men should complain  
Of my extreme hard dealing, I retain  
Some semblances of pity to the poor,  
And for them make a dole-day at my door.  
Where, that the world may know my ardent zeal,  
Both to the Church and to the Commonweal,  
I manifest my charitable ends  
With sound of trumpet, and invite of friends;  
Which in my judgement well deserve expressing,  
To sound alarm to a Bishop's blessing:  
For bounties of this kind are held so rare,  
'Tis good to publish those poor few that are.   

In Visitation time, because there be  
Many poor people that do pester me,  
I give direction wheresoever I come,  
Mine Almoner tender relief to none,  
Before I go from thence, which makes them stay▪  
While I out of the back-gate slip away.  
howsoever this be, I zealously pretend  
My close departures for no other end.  
Then to prevent vainglory; which would meet  
So great a Bishop in a public street:  
And therefore I a private passage take,  
That ostentation I might bètter scape.   

Now in the Country where I make retire,  
My Senses have whats'ever they desire;  
As first, for curious objects which delight  
The moving apprehension of the sight,  
Eye-drawing-Pictures in each chamber stand,  
Which show such lively motion and command  
In their attractive beauties, as they woe them  
That are Spectators, to do homage to them.  
Wherein 'tis one State-axiom of mine,  
To choose a Picture sorting with the time.  
For while Spain had the name, it was mine aim,  
To have th' I●…fantaes Picture sent from Spain,  
Which in my dining chamber I set up,  
Or in my private Parlour where I sup,  
Where any one, by drawing up the latch,  
Might judge how much I did approve the match.  
But see what chanced! Last day a busy knave  
This Spanish Picture happened to perceive,  
Which he observing, told me he did muse  
Why I would hang such Pictures in my house,  
As gave distaste unto the public State,  
And made their proffers projects of deceit;  
Where I replied, it little me behoved  
To hate that Picture which my Prince once loved.  
Yet lest it should give scandal or offence,  
I caused it straight to be removed thence.  
Nor is my eye delighted only there,  
But with selectedst melody mine ear,  
With choicest cates my liquorish appetite,  
With odorous perfumes I my smell delight,  
And with embraces amorous as may be  
Touch I my Lordship's wife, but not a Lady.  
Thus every Sense enjoys his earthly bliss,  
As if my heaven were where my Palace is,  
For nought on earth doth in me grief begit,  
But only one, and I will tell you it.  
It is intended, having cure of Souls,  
That upon summons I should preach at Paul's,  
Which though it come scarce once in twenty year,  
I'm sick when I should make my Sermon there;  
So as enforced by my infirmity,  
(Or want of brains) I hire a Deputy:  
Which done, I make return from whence I came,  
And thank my wits for shielding me from shame.  
Some other useful projects I intent,  
Now when I feel I'm drawing near my end,  
For doubtless some would think I foully erred,  
If I should leave my children preferred.  
So as grown weak, my wife and children doubt me,  
And like Jobs comforters they cling about me,  
Advising me, as they poor Orphans are,  
(Not for my Soul, for that's their least of care)  
But that I would take course to settle on them  
Some means, that they may live as doth become them,  
Likewise my wife puts finger in the eye,  
And says her jointure dies, when I do die,  
This makes me plot how these things may be done,  
When other matters should be thought upon.  
First, how my offspring may preferment have,  
Before the mete-wand measure out my grave.  
Secondly, how their Mother may be sped  
Of some young Ruffian when her Bishop's dead.  
Which to effect, there's nought so fully pleases,  
As the renewal of concurrent Leases;  
Admit they do defeat him that succeeds me,  
This gainful guileful contract much besteeds me;  
For by this means, revenues I bestow  
Both on my wife and on my children too.  
This makes me send my Briefs from day to day,  
If any one will Leases take, they may.  
And at more easy rate then ere they had,  
Which makes my Leasers run as they were mad.   

Thus live or die, seven year's apprenticeship  
Has taught me how to geld a Bishopric;  
Which to good use converted, I see not  
But it may thrive though indirectly got,  
For, if no ill-got-goods thrive in this Nation,  
Some would seem base who now are men of fashion    

The Judicial Ape.  

BRave Apes; brisk Bungs; yet they must leave the field,  
And to an ancient Bencher learn to yield;  
Fox-fured 's my Gown, and smooth my close-cut chin,  
But far more Foxly-smooth am I within.  
Gravely can I for lucre-sake protest,  
And clap mine unctuous fist upon my breast,  
Even when my heart's as near unto my mouth,  
As East is to the West, or North to South.   

Musaeus came the other day to me,  
(A curious wit for strains of Poesy)  
And he besought me in a Cause as good  
As truth could make it, if well understood,  
To be his friend, and I did promise him,  
But breach of promise is with us no sin.  
He me accoutred with his words of Art,  
And I admitted him too for his good part;  
Ripe was his judgement, and his wit as quick  
Garnished with copious flowers of Rhetoric.  
But these are tongue tied Orators with me,  
Who would have me his friend, must bring his fee.  
Yet for all this, I will not stick to chide,  
If any come to tempt me with a Bribe.  
For I would have these wittols understand  
Fees must pass by my servants to my hand,  
I take no Fees myself, they may fee Ned,  
" They need not fear their cause if he be sped.  
For we have Tarriers, Agents, Instruments,  
To open the Cabinet of our intents  
And plot our purposes, give them their due,  
And these we use as men should use a screw.  
These be our Harping-irons that will draw  
Like Ferrets, these minced. Maggots of the Law:  
Who when their cause must to a hearing come,  
Next night before unto my chamber run,  
And curry favour all the ways they can,  
To get admittance to me by my Man;  
Which got, they find me in Majestic sort,  
Starching my beard, or reading a Report.  
While each of these more scurvy Courtesies makes  
Then upon Whitbystrand are shapes of Snakes;  
Which country Congees, were they ten times worse,  
Show State enough, because they cram my purse.  
Suppose then how these Rusetings appear  
Wholly divided betwixt hope and fear.  
At whose approach I lay aside my book,  
Teaching my face a Radamanthean look:  
Sirrahs', What make you here? who sent you hither?  
Your man, scarce mutter they, walk knaves together;  
Thus fret I like gumm'd-grogran, which once passed,  
I deign to take a superficial taste  
Of their ill-opened cause, and give them hearing,  
Which I intent next morning to appear in;  
Yet so, as if it nought concerned me,  
But out of mere respect to equity,  
Though I do prize the justice of his Cause  
As much as old Sysambris did his Laws.  
But being heard, I do demean me so,  
I get both coin and good opinion too.  
Thus do my plots work for a thriving end,  
I poll the poor, yet I'm the poor-mans' friend.  
Nor am I always held the same I seem,  
For in my time I have a Nigler been:  
So as in privacy I sometimes must  
With my seered bones quench the desire of lust.  
A faire-poor Client fall she in my dish,  
I'll tickle her for formapauperis.  
Down go my trunk-hose with their gravity,  
To cope for once with acts of levity;  
Her Case I'll put, like to a man of Law,  
Be't right or wrong I do not care a straw:  
My Bon-a-Roba she the day shall win,  
Nor spend a grain, but what she spent in sin,  
I weigh not what the world doth Judge of me,  
My saplesse-age pleads my Apology.  
" Appius has silent tongue, but speaking eyes,  
" Yet who saith Appius loves Virginia lies.  
Yet they can tell you that do better know me,  
How none sometimes can have admittance to me.  
Fit were it then ye were advised when time is,  
For now and then I drink a cup of nimis,  
So as to sleep so sound I betake me,  
A thousand Cannons scarcely could awake me.  
Yet see my boldness! while my thirst I drench  
In profuse cups, I sometimes mount the Bench,  
And gives my cup-shot-judgement out of hand,  
Ere I the Case or Plead understand,  
And who dare well control me? sith these shelves  
Which wrack my wits, my fellows feel themselves.  
Besides, if any in my friend's Case do oppose me,  
I am their Advocate, if they will choose me.  
They cannot stand for Seconds, I'm the man  
By all their Plead bob me if they can,  
Some I have had, and in this English Nation,  
Who have stood firmly on their generation;  
That they were greater and more ancient borne  
Then any descent was; but I held in scorn  
Their fruitless Pleas, to th' Judges I did write,  
And made express my Birth, Descent and Scite.  
Whereto they condescended out a hand,  
And doomed my worthless brood take upperhand.  
Our Titles are, as we do make them good;  
And if they cross us they're misunderstood,  
For what is for us we embrace and love,  
But what's against us we do disapprove.  
Zlid, do you think that our rich scarlet may  
With such a Pension our Retinue pay  
Unless we lose by't? No, we know our time,  
And with Duke Humphrey we will be loath to dine.   

Now for my Circuit so imperious am I,  
That though I purchase the distaste of many,  
Yet I them indifferent how they censure me,  
I justify my legal Sovereignty.  
My white-lock is ambitious of honour,  
Yea, I must tell you, I do dote upon her.  
But in no place am I predominant  
So much as when I them Judge-itinerant:  
Where flocks of country Gentlemen do meet me,  
And in submissiv'st manner use to greet me;  
Like Widgeons some behind and some before me,  
As a terrestrial Idol they adore me.  
Blessed is the man, to whom I'll deign to speak;  
And how admired when I a jest do break.  
'Tis wonderful to see what preparation  
Is daily made for me, and in what fashion  
Each County entertains me and my crew,  
Who take upon them, give the knaves their due,  
As they were petty- Judges in commanding  
Weak officers, who have no understanding  
But only to admire them, and give way  
To their commands, whatsoever they do or say.  
My Tipstaffe is esteemed a witty man,  
And one (so saith the witless Commonty) who can  
Prevail much with me, for he ever knows  
What way the wind of my opinion blows.  
Nor err they in their judgement, for indeed  
He that would in his business succeed  
Must make this man his Orator unto me,  
For he so fitly, to my profit knows me,  
As be the Cause you recommend to him  
Never so foul, ye shall be sure to win.  
For, truth is, I dare hardly say him nay,  
He knows my courses so, which to display  
Would shame me quite, so as whatsoever I show,  
I must keep in with him whatsoever I do.  
Now when I leave the County where I sit,  
(I cannot choose but jeer them for their wit)  
The generous Fry swim to my Chequer bag,  
Where one presents me with a summer Nag,  
One with a cast of Hawks, and now and then,  
Some Shires Scotch Daggers to my Servingmen;  
Others give hunting-Leases, which remain  
For Customs now, and must not off again.  
Yet were these bounteous Babies blest the while,  
If all their bounties could procure a smile  
From my composed Countenance, but they err  
That do expect me to be popular.  
No, I must punctual be, and set my face  
According to the tenor of my place.  
My posture is accoutered with braves,  
In calling of the Shrieff and Gentry knaves:  
None dare affront me while I am in place,  
And whom I please, I put to all disgrace.  
In Counties where I am at my own finding,  
My richly-moultred Mill is ever grinding.  
The Gentry, shey have notice by the Shrieves,  
And furnish me with Muttons, Veals and Beefs;  
Others do send me Venison and Wine,  
So as my Circuit is a jovial time.  
For such abundance of provision have I,  
As it would furnish near a Royall-Navie.  
Now lest ye doubt my numerous Retinue  
Should want their due or competent Revenue,  
I give the meaner sort which do attend me  
Reversions of that store the Gentry send me;  
As broken-meat, and beer, all which they prise,  
And sell poor people at the end o'th' Size.  
There's nought unvalued that may money give,  
So well my Meney is informed to live.  
But for the better sort you may suppose,  
(Specially such who help to truss my hose)  
I mint some other profits more than these,  
As my Subscription unto Refrences,  
Which ignorant people bring, hoping thereby  
T' affright their strong and factious enemy:  
But they're deceived, for they no more prevail  
By our Referments then an oldwives tale,  
Nor shall this trouble us; our men gain by them,  
Come they as thick as hail we will not deny them.  
Thus far our Country life hath been expressed,  
In Court and City we will display the rest.  
In Court we seldom come, yet great men know us,  
And in a Courtly-garbe petition to us  
By their ingenious Agents, and we hear them,  
And though their Crimes be odious we forbear them.  
Or if to us they should a Letter send  
In such an one's behalf, to be his friend,  
Then Stoic- Cato we ' r instructed better,  
We pass no Doom before we read the Letter,  
For we have experience of a tickle-seat,  
How dangerous it is t' offend the Great:  
We will not distaste them then in any case,  
Lest they be means to put us from our place.  
Sometimes we are invited to a Play,  
Upon some joviall-ceremoniall-day,  
Where we do press, as other Sages use,  
With grave aspect unto the Banket-house,  
And there in Conscript manner do we sit,  
Admiring of some passages of wit  
Which we do understand as well as he  
That took Opigena for Mercury.  
But in reserved jests we have a care,  
To make men deem us wiser than we are:  
If Great-ones laugh, it is a pregnant jest,  
And we approve it as we hug a Feast.  
If we be widowers, though sapless, old,  
Decrepit, crooked, rheumatic and cold;  
Yet see what wealth can do, we strait are chosen  
As fit to match with such a Great-mans' Cousin,  
Though she, poor Girl, rather would be led  
Unto her Grave then to a loathed bed:  
Yet Will an old-man serve them for a cloak,  
And be a Chimney for a greater smoke.  
And that's the cause, no question, when we die  
And leave our wives so large a Legacy,  
Why they set their affection on Soldadoes,  
That can discourse on nought but Barracadoes:  
For such is their strong-temperd resolution,  
They love no Judgement like to Execution.  
But 'tis no matter for the world's Sentence,  
We get us honour by our wife's acquaintance;  
Which we so idolise, that we can show it  
Even in our pace, as we were borne unto it.  
Were it not fit than we should show all grace  
To such as these who raise us to our place?  
For tell me seriously, how many have  
Deserved well, who never could receive  
Any esteem at all, for all their worth,  
Because they had no friend to set them forth?  
These lived obscurely, and as poorly died,  
Nor caped nor congeed, nor so much as eyed,  
Or popularly viewed; what was the cause?  
They had nought but the knowledge of our Laws  
To give them countenance, whereas such as we  
By our Alliance more authentic be.  
For there's no place nor person in the Court,  
Whereto we may not readily resort  
And have access, by consequence, success  
In whatsoever we Petition, more or less.   

But now I must unto the City go,  
Where I am Councillor and dweller too;  
Neighbours I have, but principally three,  
Who now are Wardens of a Company,  
Men of sufficient wealth, I can assure ye,  
And now and then impannell'd in a Jurye:  
Of one whereof (I cannot choose but laugh)  
For all he walks now with his Civil-staffe,  
Being made Juror of a grand▪ Enquest,  
And in is opinion wiser than the rest;  
Unto his fellows that himself displayed,  
" Thus long have we our Verdicts (friends) delayed,  
" And as ye see it draweth near to night,  
" And we by Law are barred from Candle-light,  
" Meat, drink, and necessaries, till we give  
" Our Verdict up, which die; or which to live.  
" Now hear me (friends) we have twelve Indictments here,  
" Against twelve prisoners as may appear;  
" To what end should we thus precisely watch them  
" Let's hang six and save six, and so dispath them,  
Yet this is held a man of choice esteem,  
And in his white fox-fur sits to be seen  
Upon his well-couch'd-Bench, whose Pillars be  
As fit t' advise a Company as he.  
Yet deign I with these sage-gulls to discourse,  
Nor do I hold my judgement any worse.  
The Sun may shine on dung, none can deny it,  
And yet receive no stain nor blemish by it.  
The object of their knowledge is my jest,  
The ground of my acquaintance is to feast,  
And jeer them for their bounty when they do it,  
Though I must tell you I go gladly to it.  
But for requital they have none from me,  
It is sufficient they've my company.  
" Once in his life the Churl makes his feast,  
" And by that feast, his birthday is expressed:  
Whose rule is my direction, and shall ever;  
I ' d rather be a taker then a giver.  
If they invite us to them we will meet them,  
" Though fools make feasts, wise men may go to eat them.  
Nor are these all th' delights I cope with here,  
I have variety through all the year.  
Here a fresh Erithrea of choice price,  
Came last day privately for my advice,  
" Whether a Citizen lawfully might  
" Having, (as she put case, laid with a Knight)  
" Challenge precedence for her eldest Son  
" Fore such an one as had no such thing done?  
Whereto I answered; might I put her Case,  
I little doubt but she should have the place,  
And for her Son get that priority  
Which did belong unto my Progeny.  
At which reply, smiling away she went  
Silent, which silence did imply consent.   

Thus both in City, Country, and in Court,  
With a reserved gravity and port  
I spread my beams of honour, and descry  
A select affectation in mine eye.  
I look about me with a glorious vain,  
While my fastidious wag bears up my train:  
Groundlings I disesteem that cross the way,  
As if I were of better clay than they:  
And in a word, so sweetly do I breathe,  
I fear no Enemy so much as Death.    

The Political Ape.  

ALas, fond Apes; how shallow do these show,  
Thus to discover whatsoever they know?  
They have no Project be it ne'er so slight  
But must be published to the open light:  
Their hearts are in their mouths, which they disclose  
Not only to their friends, but to their foes.  
Which lightness I abhor; for ne'er shall he  
Be schooled in the grounds of policy,  
Who by experience has not got the art  
To make his Tongue a stranger to his heart.  
He only to the height of wisdom grows  
Who seems as if he knew not what he knows.  
His Projects must be neatly shadowed,  
His drifts with secret Curtains covered;  
His Plots so smooth as the quick'st-sighted men  
Cannot with all their sleights discover them.  
There's nothing in the World I more detest  
Then t' have transparent Windows in my breast;  
For by this means my inside should be laid  
Open to the world, and all my tricks displayed:  
Which would not only grieve me, but enforce  
The World to love me ever longer worse.  
In my opinion those Cilician Geese  
Are wiser in their secrecy then these,  
Who have exposed themselves to public view  
By making others known to what they knew.  
For they (as 'tis reported) When they fly  
Over mount Taurus, lest they should descry  
Their flight by cackling to those Eagles there  
Which in abundance to those Hills repair,  
With winged speed (for there they dare not tarry)  
They hast, and in their Bills small Stones do carry.  
Thus by instinct they use a policy  
To save them from their furious enemy:  
While these tame fools, whom silly Geese condemn  
Will give their foe's advantage over them.  
But these that dance so blindly in a net  
Shall be excluded from my Cabinet;  
They are too full of chinks, so let them rest,  
" My Secretary shall be my own Breast.  
In all those Coasts wherein I have remained,  
I have some experience in my courses gained,  
Which I made use of to my own behoof;  
And where I ever seemed to hold a loof,  
I was most interessed still in that,  
Yet few could reach the perch I aimed at.  
I never saw that Statseman in my days,  
(Nor would I have it spoken to my praise)  
Whom I in short time could not make my friend,  
And find as soon whereto his aims did tend.  
For thus I wrought him; First I sought to wind  
Into his Nature, how he stood inclined,  
Which found, I most affection used to show  
To that, which he stood most affected to:  
Whereby, as Jet attracts the yielding straw,  
Just as I would, could I his humour draw.  
Or by his ends, if once I had displayed him,  
I by that means would labour to persuade him,  
Which he could not resist, seeing me bend  
My speech to that whereto his course did tend.  
Likewise if my observance found him weak,  
I of his Weakness would advantage take,  
And if he were so stiff I could not draw him,  
His Weakness gave me strength to overaw him.  
But if he could by none of these be rested,  
By means of Some where he was interested,  
His bosom opened to receive me in,  
Where seized, I took in hand to govern him.  
In all my time, Man was my only book,  
On which with serious Study I did look:  
Tracing all his dimensions to and fro,  
For still I dogged him where he used to go.  
Were he a Statist I observed him straight,  
And poised him too, to find if he were weight;  
And now and then I found him wondrous light,  
Or else bleere-eyed and blemished in his sight.  
For either his Ambition did so mad him,  
As he would do what ere his fancy bade him;  
Or else his bleered Judgement so depraved him,  
As still in State-affairs he misbehaved him.  
In which observances I wondered much  
(Not without just occasion) any such  
Should be advanced to place of that esteem,  
Who never knew what State-affairs did mean.  
So as more aptly could I not compare  
These Spongy Statesmen who are nought but air,  
Then to that world-wasting Phaeton,  
Whose ayme's to guide the Progress of the Sun,  
When they alas (so simple are these Elves)  
Can hardly give direction to themselves.  
Nor did I only limit my Survey  
To these who have the glory of the Day,  
Sitting like Pilots at the stern of State,  
But such as were of lower Estimate.  
Where I observed, there was not any vice  
Derivative to man form Paradise,  
That could her secret Poison so much smother  
As not infuse itself in one or other.  
For men of all degrees employed were  
How to their Seed they might a fortune rear;  
Wherein they all contended how they might  
Encroach the farr'st upon an others right.  
Which practice I approved, yet much condemn  
The weak and open passages of them;  
For their projectments scarcely were begun  
Till they discovered all that they had done;  
Which gave their foe's occasion to prevent,  
By timely circumspection, their intent.  
I rather relish him can play the knave,  
Yet seems as if he knew not to deceive:  
For in my books He is the only one  
Who hath a wit, yet seems as he had none.  
There is no walk that me so much doth pace  
As tracing clouds with Aristophanes;  
To walk, I mean, obscure, as censure may  
Tax neither what I act nor what I say.  
Which to effect the better, I do give  
Such satisfaction wheresoever I live;  
As there's no rite nor custom that can show it,  
But I can soon conform myself unto it.  
Yea of my faith a nose of wax I make,  
Though all I do seems done for Conscience sake.  
For I address myself in any case  
Unto the disposition of the place:  
At Rome I live just as the Romists do,  
Elsewhere I live as they're affected to.  
At pure- Geneva, Protestant I am,  
At Douai or at Rheims another man;  
In Germany a selfe-inspired Luther,  
At Amsterdam a Laodicean Neuter,  
Amongst zealous men I seem a hot Precisian,  
But when I come within the Inquisition,  
Lest, touching my profession, they should doubt me  
I carry store of Relics still about me;  
Which I suppose to be the only course,  
For without these I well might far the worse.  
Thus I conform myself to any Rite,  
Be he Armenian or Hugonite;  
State-stirring Brownist, or a Broughtonist,  
Licentious Famulist, or Barrowist,  
His Ape I am, and will be so professed,  
To make me more familiar with his breast;  
On which I work my aims, for by my wit  
What ere I act, my Conscience shadows it.  
For prosper in the world few I know,  
And hold concurrence with Religion too;  
Which makes me gull the world with a pretence  
Of hypocritick zeal and conscience.  
For popular opinion 's my desire,  
So as in th' Country I have built a Choir  
Where I and my religious family  
Make our rep●…ire (as seems us) usually;  
Yet from the Pulpit far remotes my Seat,  
Because I am not well resolved yet  
In ●…ase of Conscience, therefore would I be  
Far of, that's doctrine may not trouble me.  
The cause is this; as yet I have no time  
To treat of any thing that is Divine;  
My aims are plots of profit, plants of pleasure,  
For points of Faith, I'll think of them at leisure.  
" Who wish unto their aims an happy end,  
" Must in their aims no other thing intend;  
For he that deals much in the world, I trow,  
Without the Church, he has enough to do.  
Nor with these Politic Rules do I resort  
Only to City, Country, and the Court;  
For I these grounded axioms can show  
Unto the learned Academy too:  
Where with quick eye I may observe their tricks  
Withouten Aristotles-politicks.   

Here a grand-Senior-Dunce will keep his place,  
Although he have a Parsonage in chase;  
Which having purchased, yet concealing it,  
Some year or two he'll keep his Fellowship.  
The selfsame smooth politicall-abuse  
Have I observed in Masters of a House,  
By whom such Fellows only are appointed  
As had their oylie-fists before anointed;  
So as, though't seem much different to their function,  
" Nought they affect so much as extreme-unction.  
Where no Election can be freely granted,  
If he that would be chosen fellow, wanted;  
For no admission can be ever made  
Until the Master of the House be paid.  
Besides, conveyance of their Colledge-Leases,  
Is as the Precedent or Provost pleases;  
Which many times themselves they so befriend,  
As they convert them to their proper end:  
For it is daily seen what course they take,  
And what commodity of these they make.  
To all which acts I approbation give,  
" For he that cannot shark, he cannot live.  
All Engines must be used that we may get  
Unto ourselves a certain benefit.  
Nor can he thrive that cannot well dispense  
For profits sake, with Faith and Conscience.  
From forrain-States intelligence I have,  
Which like our weekly Corrants I receive  
By means of such as are employed for me  
In every place where their occasions be.  
These, like Architas wooden-Dove, can bring  
Tidings from such a State, or such a King;  
So as nought can be done in any Nation,  
Whereof my Agents give me not relation:  
Which betters my experience in each part,  
Making my best friends strangers to my heart.  
For he that has the humour to display  
Himself unto his friend, although he may,  
Yet his too open breast shall at no time  
Partake of any secrecy of mine:  
I may presume my Counsels must be shown  
By him, who has not brains to keep his own.  
I hold it to be oil and labour spent  
Here to discourse what th' Spanish-treaty meant,  
But ne'er had business so strange a carriage;  
To make more shows and less intend a marriage;  
But this was so well shadowed, give it due,  
By th' Spanish Jipsy and her wand'ring. crew,  
As I will press no more this Subject now,  
" Only the Cinque-ports must be looked unto.   

Thus have I sto●…'d my well-experienced pate  
With Politick-Rules extracted from each State,  
Where I have lived or conversant have been,  
As there was none but I could humour him.  
For was he zealous? I could make a show  
Of fervent zeal and of devotion too;  
Was he a worldling? I was worldly given,  
Discoursing more of Mammon then of heaven;  
Was he voluptuous? I'd consort him right,  
As one devoted wholly to delight;  
In brief, there was no rank, degree, nor state,  
Which in myself I could not personate.  
Nor care I much whats'ever the world deem,  
This is my Mott: I am not what I seem.    

The Chemical Ape.  

ALL rules of Art, of small esteem I hold  
To his, who can extract refined gold  
From copper, brass, or such inferior mettle,  
For he can make pure Ophir of a kettle.  
Besides, so rare is Art expressed in him,  
He may from Latin, Alchemy or Tin  
Draine store of silver bulloyne, with the which  
He makes himself and his attendants rich.  
The Stone, the Stone, O that I had the Stone,  
By means whereof I might be such an one!  
Which Stone I have long studied to obtain,  
Wasting my oylè, weakening my Chemic brain,  
And still me thought I had it, yet was crossed,  
For longer that I sought, the more I lost.  
Yet forasmuch as I did understand  
That many did profess it in the Land,  
Whose solid judgements could not choose but see  
That such a thing might well effected be,  
Or else they ne'er would such estates have spent  
In trying of a mere experiment;  
I reassumed spirit, and betook  
Myself more strictly to my golden-Booke.  
Besides all this, I heard how Kellie came  
By practice of this Art to special fame;  
An other likewise so experienced grew  
In this mysterious Art revealed to few,  
As he an artificiall-tree of gold  
Had curiously contrived, which daily would  
Bud, bloom and blossom, and in branches spring,  
Which might be soon a beneficial thing:  
For these Hesperian-plants in time would prove  
By their increase to be a golden-Grove.  
All this encouraged me, hoping one day  
The charges I had been at to defray  
With plenteous interest; but the more I travelled,  
The more I found my senses to be gravelled.  
Limbecks, with artful forges builded I,  
And places too where I my gold might try;  
seven years and more have I my wits thus bet,  
But not a pennyweight extracted yet.  
Sometimes unto the Braziers I'd repair,  
And laughed at my conceit while I stayed there;  
For I was half resolved within short space  
To change the brass and copper of that place  
Into pure gold, and make my copesmates merry  
With transmutation of all Lothberry.  
Thus fed I on opinion, laying out  
Great sums, till I my purpose brought about,  
Which once disbursed, I never shall receive  
But count it lost whatsoever I ventured have.  
For having spent my fortunes and my wit  
In diving to the secrecies of it,  
My aims I bended to another mark,  
Resolving now to learn the art to shark.   

For which, that I might more enabled be,  
I straight betook me to a company  
Of witty Rake-hells, roaringly professed,  
And in all forlorn courses bravely fleshed.  
Flankt were my troops with bolts, bawds, punks, and panders.  
Pimps, nips and i ints, Prinadoes, highway-standers;  
All which were my familiars, and would do  
With quick dispatch whatsoever I put them to.  
So as some of my crew of choice account  
Did every Session's- time up Holborn mount;  
Yea I myself could Miserere sing  
Or I had gone to heaven in a string.  
For to relate those nimble tricks we played,  
Though on the public Stage they be ●…splaid,  
As th' subtile-headed Alchemist can show;  
Or th' Alchemists own Ape, Tom. Trinculo,  
One hold I fitting to be here expressed,  
By which you may judge better of the rest.  
" One of my Foists resolving to resort  
" In th' habit of a Courtier to the Court,  
" Where he demeaned himself as none could deem,  
" But he was just the man that he did seem;  
" Nor any Courtier there of sweeter scent,  
" Nor choicer in his form of compliment,  
" Moore punctual in his gate, or in his look,  
" As one whose postures had been all by th' book;  
" After a turn or two, to th' Table came  
" Where two great personages were at game.  
" The one whereof, had laid his purse close by,  
" His loss upon occasion to supply;  
" My Bung observing this, takes hold of time,  
" Just as this Lord was drawing for a prime,  
" And smoothly nims his purse that lay beside him,  
" And all this while the other gamester eyed him,  
" At whom he winks, to move him to conceal it,  
" As one that had no purpose for to steal it.  
" He that perceived him, thinking him to be  
" One of the Court or of his company,  
" Smiling, continued play, and so it rested  
" Until this Lord seeks for his purse, but missed it:  
" Whereat the other laughed; quoth he, inquire  
" Of such an one, and clad in such attire,  
" One of your own acquaintance, I suppose,  
" Who nimed you of your purse before your nose.  
" Diligent search was made all there about,  
" But my ingenious gue had got him out  
" Before this inquisition, which secured him  
" Better then when the court-wals had immured him.  
Thus were my Limetwigs laid in every place,  
Who like Bloodhounds had still some game in chase,  
Which they pursued with such an eager mind,  
As where they seized they left small store behind.  
Scarce could two country fops together meet  
To hear a cheating▪ ballad in the street,  
But presently some Complices of mine  
Took hold of th' opportunity of time;  
For while these to the Ballad-monger flocked,  
My nimble- Nips dived deep into their pocket.   

But for as much as I perceived these shifts  
Were merely grounded on apparent thifts,  
And that some private foe through inbred malice  
Might be a means to bring me to the Gallows,  
This sharking trade relinquished, I became  
A wondrous strange reformed honest man;  
An Emp'rick-Doctor, who had Art at will,  
Which I derived from my Chymick-Still,  
Where I such waters made, as in short time  
Doctor Stevens water was less prized than mine.  
Balms, apozems, confections had I store,  
Yet th' more I had my Patients wished for more:  
Such rare effects were daily wrought by these,  
As they were Cures for any strange disease.  
But that I might seem learned in mine Art,  
Of late I've got an Herbal all by heart,  
Whereof I make this use; when I can give  
No reason why this dies, or that should live,  
(For no such depth as yet mine art affords)  
I straight confound them with abstrusest words.  
As Cataplasms, Diarrhicks, Cataclisms,  
Concucurbetuls, Emplasms, Paroxisms,  
With which I so conjure them, as they cease  
To ask me any questions touching these.  
" Who for his practice can no reason show,  
" He must have words or he's not worth a strew.  
Besides all this, such Authors can I number,  
As they that hear me are enforced to wonder:  
For thus holds Galen, thus Hypocrates,  
Thus Silvius holds, thus Dioscorides,  
But Paracelsus thus, who in my breast  
Hath more esteem than any of the rest.  
Though I was never so on learning set  
As I read any of these Authors yet;  
Nor care I much, 'tis my desire to seem  
More than I am, to gain me more esteem.  
Some twenty Patients have I here hard by,  
Who know not what they ail, no more do I,  
Yet lest of negligence they me condemn,  
Morning and night I duly visit them;  
Prescribing them receipts to cheer their blood;  
Which many times do far more harm then good.  
Yet am I crowded to on every side,  
So as of late I on my foot-cloth ride  
By means of such a Lord, who had occasion  
To try my profound Art this last vacation;  
Whose hand of bounty did my state enrich  
For curing of an ulcer in his breech.  
How glad am I my Chymick-works are done,  
Amalga-like they had more Moon than Son?  
More profit do I reap by one direction  
To mine Apothecary, or inspection  
Into my Patient's water, than I look  
Ere to receive from all my Chymick-smook;  
For Alchemy with piercing Autimonie,  
Upon my knowledge caus'd a want of money▪  
Mineral metals, Niter, Orochalke,  
By th' use whereof I in a cloud did walk,  
Hatching such acquaint Chimeras in my brain,  
As reaping wind was all that I could gain.  
Hope trained me on till all my wits were rest me;  
I sought for gold, till I no brass had left me.  
But why do I my weakness thus descry?  
When men have erred were wiser held than I,  
In making search for this unvalued Stone,  
But I must leave them and their wits alone;  
They hope a day will come will pay for all,  
But I fear such a day will never fall.  
So as me thinks I cannot well compare  
These men who build strange Castles in the air,  
More fitly then to those who once did labour  
To take a Hare with playing on a Taber.  
Fly-brasse; no Chemic but a Physick-ape  
Since I left Mercury for Aesculape:  
My practice now's clear of another nature,  
Trading before in Smoke but now in water.  
Now am I used with choicest entertain,  
Had in esteem wheres'ever I remain;  
In City, Court, and Country harboured,  
With free access unto a Lady's bed,  
Whilst her weak husband thinks she Physic wants,  
And for my Potion gives me hearty thanks.  
Straight she protests my Pills do only please her,  
Thus much I'm sure, they for that season ease her;  
For application is the soveraignst thing  
That may conceiving to a woman bring.   

There is a lovely-Lady in this land,  
Whom I have had these two years under hand,  
Yet I for manners sake will lain her name,  
But trust me, she's a hen that loves the game,  
Who has been long time barren; yet have I  
By art and other things I did apply,  
Made her a fruitful Mother; yea some say  
That she conceived the very self same day  
That I did minister; but I divine  
It came right near unto that very time.  
And I am glad on't; for I do not see  
How he had Heired his Land withouten me.  
The babe is full of hope, and will no question,  
For his Sires sake, love men of our profession.  
But 'tis no matter, now in grace I am,  
And shall be dead before he be a man;  
Thus much entirely shall I wish unto him,  
he'd be no Alchemist, it will undo him;  
For other Arts, a God's name take his venture,  
This is so deep I think it has no centre.   

Nor am I only practised in the Court,  
But in the Country too to make me sport.  
Here Granam Gurton will be sick for love,  
And I must scent some love-procuring. Glove,  
To cause her sweetheart more affection show,  
And this I promise out a hand to do.  
Some four hours after I make known to her,  
That I've conferred with my familiar,  
Who has engaged his word before one week,  
He whom she seeks shall for her fancy seek.  
She pays me well, and hopes all shall be mended,  
But I am gone before half week be ended.  
Young wenches too I have exceeding store,  
And I content them all, what would they more?  
Only some zealous-Sisters do refrain  
To come unto me, but I know their aim;  
They daily so increase and multiply  
Among themselves, they need none such as I.   

Thus have I traced many dangers o'er,  
And now at last arrived on the shore;  
I like the Horseleech feed upon their blood  
To whom I seldom tender any good:  
My Patients are my profits, nor care I  
Leg of a Dog whether they live or die.  
This is the highest pitch of all my skill,  
How to draw up a Apothecary's bill  
Of ounces, drams & doses, which long Item  
(Were't not for gain) would tire me much to write'em.  
Within few months I hope I shall not need  
On other men's infirmities to feed;  
My ten years practise so much treasure gain me,  
As ten at hundred now may well maintain me.    

The Critical Ape.  

NOw by my life, a blind man may discover  
A Ship of fools or Dottrells new come over.  
Have you heard such a crew of brainless Skulls,  
As if they had been bred i'th' Isle of gulls,  
Boast of the Villainies that they have done,  
Meaning to end just as they have begun?  
here a great Lord like one of Isis' Asses  
In my conceit all other fools surpasses;  
For he consumes his Lungs when he doth see  
Any Man graced or in esteem but he.  
'Tis worth observing too, to note how sin  
Retains a kind of privilege in him.  
Be his vile courses ne'er so indirect,  
The greatness of his place will him protect,  
And give such lustre to his vices too  
As they like virtues shine in outward show.  
For where Ambition or Oppression either,  
Yea all enormous vices put together  
Are covered with State, inferiors love them,  
At least there's few dare censure or reprove them:  
So as that maxim's true in my conceit,  
" It is a rare Sight to be good and great.  
But I do hear this high-aspiring fellow,  
Is in a single combat or Duello  
Upon disgraces offered, pressed to fight  
With an Hispaniolized Favourite;  
But I'm persuaded neither of them both  
(So highly graced they are) but will be loath  
To shed one others blood, howsoever they prate it,  
Unless they be dispensed with for the Statute.  
But should one kill the other in this sort,  
I think the State had cause to thank them for't.   

Now Verulam, good Man, is in his grave,  
I muse who shall his House and Title have;  
That spatious-specious-pretiouss refectory,  
Which cost a world of wealth, so saith the story:  
Those peble-paved Brooks, impaled Lakes,  
Thick clad with countless shoals of Ducks & Drakes.  
For's Lady, she has got one now, will buss her,  
And changed her Useless Vicouńt for her Usher;  
Whence th' Crosse-inne may report, as sure it will,  
" A Countess deigned to lie her Under hill.  
For him whom some call his adopted Heir,  
Our wag's point at the Tower, and say he's there,  
Where he with his She Cousins plays at Gleek,  
Though some make bold to say he's in by th'week.  
But what is that to me! this would I know  
Whether he be Saint Alban yea or no.  
Saint Alban! no; yet Alban was a Martyr,  
And one each gate, i'th' Town bestowed a quarter;  
Now th' Syate might well afford it to bestow  
That Style on him, would he be Martyr too.  
For I ne'er read that any Age did call  
Saint Alban Martyr Lord High Admiral.  
But God will have a stroke in every Man,  
Witness the dismal shot of Eglesham,  
Whose fate was this Duke's fall, enforced to lose  
Those Honours by a stab whereto he rose;  
" So weake's that Arch of Greatness which relies  
" On Compliments and mere formalities:  
But God is merciful, as he is just,  
To whom, with whom I leave him, so I trust.   

Next him, an Ape of pleasure or delight,  
A very sensual fleshly Sibarite;  
And he triumphs, fond Ape, as much as may be,  
In favours shown him by his wanton Lady.  
Yet should he but unto the world be sent  
Naked, he would die for want of nourishment;  
For than his outward beauty would deceive him,  
His consorts loathe him, and his pleasures leave him.  
For this mine axiom is, He that doth find  
" Moore comfort in his body then his mind,  
" May feed, and glut, and gourmandise his time,  
" Yet all this while he lives but like a Swine;  
" Who spends his days in Surfeits and in Sinning,  
" Making his end far worse than his beginning.   

Next him, a shallow, weak, vaine-glorious-gull,  
Of styles and titles who is stuck so full,  
As there is none, such honours do befall him,  
That know to day, to morrow how to call him.  
Yet lend your ear, I'll tell you in a word  
What this Colossus is, A Spongy Lord,  
Whose merit's mean, whose apprehension small,  
Great only in his Titles, that is all.  
The way by which he seeks esteem to gain  
Is this, he strives great States to entertain;  
Conduits run Rhenish, and the King's high street  
Smells of his odours and his perfumes sweet.  
In public ways his bounty he displays  
In Sucket, Biscuit, Wafers, Caraways;  
At one reere-supper in expense more large  
Than all his years Revenues will discharge.  
The height of his Ambition is to get  
By Citizen's acquaintance into debt;  
But I suppose till he has paid old score,  
They will be loath to lend him any more:  
Then let him pawn his Honour, but this age  
Is far too wise to credit such a gage.  
This Ape howsoever in State himself he bear,  
He can with patience take a box o'th'eare  
And ne'er repine, as if he did allow it  
More Courtier-like to take a wrong than do it;  
For he through meekness of his spirit doth prize  
Patience above the weight of injuries.   

Next a licentious self-conceited Ape,  
Who in the Court such sport doth daily make,  
The Ladies, he protests, so value him  
They would not want the Wag for any thing.  
His Parentage he likewise doth disclose,  
Lest his descent should admiration lose,  
Which he describes, and I believe him, thus;  
A Courtier got him of a Succubus;  
Of whom both bred and fleshed, he nightly trades  
In dark Court-entries with his Lady's maids:  
Which Ladies well observing, do attire  
Themselves like maids, that they might have like hire.  
In every Mask, Court-show or Interlude,  
He must make one, or it is holden ●…ude;  
For (as he thinks) he is by Ladies eyed,  
More than all those that are employed beside.  
Yet let me tell you, this conceited fancy  
Whereof he labours, brought him to a frenzy;  
Nor is he yet recovered, but enchained  
Until his madding humour be reclaimed.   

Next him a wasteful, formal fashion-monger,  
A finical, superfluous state-wronger,  
Who boasts of his invention in devising  
All those strange fashions in our State arising,  
Which by his travail were first brought a shore,  
For to this I'll they were not known before.  
Nor is his foreign travel unrequited,  
So much are we with his conceit delighted;  
For to discharge the debt that we do owe him,  
A yeerly-Pension do we pay unto him.  
We pay unto him! No; I scorn it I,  
That any such Pie-coloured Butterfly  
Should gain by me or any one of mine,  
To geld the State, or gull the present time.  
Yea rather than I'd second such a Cheat,  
I●…e see his carrion-gutts about his feet.  
But I commit him till he pay his Tailor  
To Brokers-Lavender, or to the Jailer,  
Where let him lie in nasty, nittie-linnen,  
Till he make satisfaction for his sinning.   

Next an Observing-Ape, who travels Nations  
To gain him knowledge by his Observations,  
Glories in those strange coasts where he hath been,  
And in the Novels he hath heard and seen.  
Nought he observes but he relateth it,  
And yet me thinks, he something doth omit:  
Which if he had remembered, sure I think,  
Could not so soon into oblivion sink.  
But I must tell him of it;" Sir, do you hear?  
" A strange Conjunction happened this last year  
" 'twixt Mars and Jupiter; pray now divine  
" What this Prognosticates to after time.  
" Some, and the wisest, of opinion are  
" That it presageth famine, others war,  
" Others, some pestilent-disease occurring,  
" Causing men die on heaps by such a murrain.  
" But what is your opinion?— 'las poor sot,  
He either has forgot or knoweth not  
What Constellations mean! But sirrah, you,  
Who knows more coasts then ere Columbus knew;  
While forraine-Country wonders are made known,  
You much forget this Country of your own.  
For in this Island where yourself was borne,  
Did you ne'er visit Glastenbury-Thorne?  
Saint Thomas Beckets path, his Shrine, his Cell?  
The Civit-senting Moss of Win'freds' well?  
The Stones of Salisbury- plain, which none can number?  
The Stones of Whitbystrand, that Snaky wonder?  
bruerton's Log which on a Mote doth lie,  
And sinking bodes, The Ancestor must die.  
Or of Saint Quintin's (as I've heard it told)  
Whose ancient Seat is Harpham on the would,  
Where at such times as chief of th' house shall die,  
A Drum to th' hearing of the neighbours by,  
For three day's space together sounds alarm,  
(A gentle easy summons to prepare him.)  
Which dying march, (as I have understood)  
Issues from th' covert of a shady wood,  
But whence or how produced, that know not I,  
(A Sacred-Secret Sealed from mortal eye.)  
But it implies (this Charity will grant)  
He dies a Champion i'th' Church militant.  
Or of those Cornish-Choughs I'm sure you hear,  
Which built at Claughton once in Lancashire,  
Who, as I've heard it there reported oft,  
When a late Ancestor surnamed Croft  
Deceased, fled straight from thence (but God knows whither)  
Where they had built for many years together.  
Which ominous or no, I cannot tell,  
Nor what it boded can I gather well,  
But people thereabout affirm, it wants  
Her ancient privileged inhabitants,  
Who left their Country-coast, their native nest,  
And took plantation where they liked best.  
Or of those rare, intestine, civill-warres,  
Or fatal skirmishings of Irish-Stares,  
Where son with father fought, daughter with mother,  
Shedding the reeking blood of one another:  
Nor could their quenchless rage extinguished be,  
But by an universal Tragedy;  
For there was scarce one left (as I've heard say)  
To bring their fellow's word, who won the day.  
So hot is fury (as appeared by these)  
As it respects no State, Sex, nor Degrees,  
But breathing forth revenge holds on the fight  
A tedious Summer's day from Morn to Night.   

But sure these 
* These stale news the Critic purposely recounts, to tax this Observer of palpable weakness.  News are come unto your ear,  
The bruit whereof's dispersed in every sheare:  
The fatal vesper (Man) where th' Romish pastor  
Brought to himself and numbers more disaster.  
Which tragic act should not so censured be  
As if those men had sinned more than we;  
For those on whom the Tower of Siloam fell  
Were not the worst, as is observed well:  
But rather let's this application make,  
(That of God's judgements we may warning take:)  
" If th' best employment that a Christian hath  
" Be not secure from th' viols of God's wrath,  
" And that he spareth not, for our exemple,  
" To chastise those who do frequent his Temple;  
" How can we look, when any of us come  
" To Sinks of Sin, but he will pay us home?  
" We make our Brothels Temples, & in Stews  
" Our Saintly-formalists erect their Pewes;  
" If Places of devotion then receive  
" Such fearful ruins as of late some have;  
" How can these sensual Synagogues but fall?  
" well, Boys, a day will come will pay for all.   

But sure he hears these news, for none be newer,  
I mean that Ratsbane-Academick Bruer,  
Who rather than he would his Bev'rage lose  
Poisoned rare hopeful Plants, as th' rumour goes.  
Yet he lives still and flourisheth, nay more,  
Continues selfsame trade he used before;  
Whereas if Justice executed were  
Upon th' offender, as his crimes appear,  
" Who caused these Scholars such Rats deaths to die,  
" Should die a dogs-death, more have thought then I.   

But sure you hear, (for who is 't heareth not)  
Of th' monstrous fish in Vistula late got,  
Which wore a triple-Miter on his head,  
And on whose back were lively figured  
Saint Peters-keyes, a partisan of war,  
Which Wizards do divine predictions are  
Of some strange thing that's likely to ensue,  
Now what that is I'd gladly know from you.  
Fall upon Rome, you answer something will,  
But I would hear whether 't be good or ill:  
For under cope of heaven no State I know  
But some occurrent it is subject to:  
Wherefore resolve me, Sir, before you go,  
Whether it bodes our State some good or no;  
Or whether this same monstrous fish divine  
Some doubtful alteration in our time;  
For sure I am nought can escape your dish  
(If fit to be observed) be 't flesh or fish.   

But sure you've heard or seen that fearful vision,  
Which th' wiser sort have held in great derision;  
That white-mayl'd-Army marshalling her power,  
All ranked in battail'ray on Burnley Moor;  
Where not a man but vented his conceit;  
One said it was an enemy to th' State,  
Some Spinola that mortally doth hate us:  
Some thought it was a Posse Comitatus  
Raised in the County, purposely to seize  
On some Recusant for arrearages.  
But most men held it was great Baccbus' train,  
Had shot those Squibs & Streamers in their brain:  
For most of these that for this Vision stood  
Could scarce discern a Soldier from a Cloud.   

But sure you hear (for '●was within this sennet)  
How Birds would be of th' Order of Saint Bennet,  
How Raven, Crow, Pie, Sparrow (pretty Soul)  
Flocked about Bennet, as she'd been an Owl:  
How Raven taken in a golden dream,  
Would needs a naked Benedictan been,  
Till th' sweet tuned Finch with his melodious pleading,  
Split Raven quite and plumed him for his treading.  
Which sharp encounter cost Musaeus more  
Than all these Fowls could ever yet restore.   

But zlid, I'd like forgot! he cannot choose  
But hear of Bugle-blues and Titre-tues,  
Choice blades, brave youths; yea I durst almost swear  
That he has notice what their Projects were,  
So as whatsoever he speak in 's own defence,  
He cannot choose but have intelligence,  
And therefore should be censured;— alas not he,  
Though he pretend some Rules of policy  
Whereon his erring Observations stand,  
He's held the veriest Widgeon in the land;  
" For like a bottle (howe'er he show him)  
" Nought he retains, unless't be put into him.  
" So as me thinks I fitly may compare  
" This simple Sot unto that muddy More,  
" Who of his wisdom self-opinionate,  
" Like to some state-observing Magistrate,  
" Mongst other things which he was glancing at,  
" Observed one wear a ribbon in his hat  
" Of dangerous colour, for the field was blue,  
" Whence he inferred he was a Titre-tu,  
" An enemy to th' State: straight to the place  
" He sends his ale-tipt- Sergeant with his Mace,  
" To summon this Titerian to appear  
" And show some cause why he such toys did wear.  
" The youth accosts the More; the More the youth;  
" Who having stroked his beard & wiped his mouth,  
" Charged him upon th' Allegiance which he bore  
" His Prince, to show why he such ribbons wore?  
" Sir, quoth the youth, most Boys in all our Parish  
" Such ribbons wear in honour of our Morish.  
" In honour of your Morish, quoth the More,  
" You and your Morish shall taste both one fare.  
" Brethren this Morris is a welshman borne,  
" Who on Saint Davies day wears Leeks in scorn  
" Of us true English-brittains'— I think meet  
" To set you and your Morish both by th' feet;  
" For we do know howsoever these Ruffian's prate,  
" Ribbons and Leeks are stratagems of State;  
" Which well effected, to the Court I'll come,  
" And show the Prince what service I have done.   

But were this State-sot ignorant of these,  
Has surely heard of th' massacre of Reze,  
So many Ensigns, Colours, Streamers, Standards,  
Ancients, Lieutenants, Colonels, Commanders,  
So many Heroes which we sometime had  
In Coat of male, but now in Durance clad;  
So many main Land-pieces which did breathe  
The seldom welcome Embassy of death,  
Seized and surprised, so as it may appear,  
The French at no time sold their salt so dear.  
While some do think th' English had won the day,  
But that their General was slunk away;  
But this is but some flying-false report,  
And they that spread it would be censured for 't;  
For is it likely such a man as he,  
So stout (So says the Corrant History)  
Should be on Sea, and scarcely understand  
How his Commanders fared that were a Land?  
Or He rest safe from shot of Enemy,  
And his whole Navy in such jeopardy?  
Or so well entertained at his approach,  
As to be sent for by the 
* These Novels relate to the time wherein they were first writ, being according to the Original. An. 32.  Kings own Coach?  
Bells to be rung in consort, which descry'de  
The sorrow they conceived for those that died?  
Bonfires erected in each public street,  
With perfumes mixed, fit for a man so sweet,  
And he deserve so ill? I cannot see  
How a wife State should so deluded be.  
For ne'er was England brought to such a lurch,  
Their Colours trailed unto Saint Michael's Church  
And reered in all contempt, as who should say,  
Near France o'er England had a fairer day.   

But our adherence now helps one another  
As well becomes a reconciled Brother:  
Which gallant Juncto may enrich our State;  
Becoming sharers in the Silver plate.  
Nor do we fear, but we next year shall catch it,  
Should Argus & th' Hesperian-Sisters watch it.  
Yet I'll be thus opinioned till I die,  
And so are many persons more than I;  
Had but that martial military place,  
Seen but his sweet and amiable face,  
It would have been with admiration charmed  
To see Adonis like Bellona armed;  
For had those Amazons so bravely bred  
Been there encamped, they would have yield or fled.  
But we are quite deceived, the Golden-Fleece  
Surpriseth Soldiers more than Ambergris.   

Where hath this great Observer been the while,  
And never viewed these wonders of our Isle?  
In Court he'll say to make himself some sport;  
Well go to Sir, you must be jerked for't,  
And that will learn you wit another time,  
To draw a curtain o'er a great-mans' crime.   

But see you Silkworm! who is one of those  
Who scents the street with perfume where he goes;  
A Courtly▪ carpet-Ape who takes delight  
In giving Rains unto his appetite.  
There's many things which he doth glory in,  
As first, he makes a profit of the king,  
Farming his imposts at such easy rate,  
As he both cheats the Prince and wrongs the State.  
The next abuse, which adds no less disgrace  
To men made eminent by rank or place,  
Is that he hath power wheresoever he please  
For to dispose of all Court-offices.  
Besides, there's not a Captain in the Land  
Receives Exchequer-pay but from his hand;  
Which must be guelt, as use hath been before;  
To make the Courtier rich, the Captain poor.  
He bestows Honours too, which to the cost  
Of the receiver, fall on him bids most:  
So he who hath deserved no stile at all  
May have his pennyworth when Markets fall.  
To dignify his undeserving pate,  
The Academy makes him graduate,  
Where if the Master of a House deceases,  
He placeth and displaceth as he pleases.  
I wonder much the State will suffer him  
Thus to triumph and riot in his sin;  
But sure he plays not such vile pranks as these,  
Boasting too highly of his rogueries;  
For many Court-pips be there that I know,  
Who make a show of more than they can do:  
If this be so, he well deserves descrying,  
And to be cudgelled roundly for his lying.   

But see yond City-Mammon how he struts,  
As full of Sins as he is stuffed with Guts!  
For nimble tricks I do not know his match,  
So slily can the Urchin Coney-catch,  
As none but he would think and see his feat,  
That he had served a Prenticeship to cheat.  
If he owe more than he intends to pay,  
He seeks by all the cunning means he may,  
To frustrate his weak Creditors, whose Wits  
Go a wool-gathring, he Protection gits:  
So as the hopes they ground on are but small,  
For by this course he wipes their Nose of all.  
Yet tickles he my itching spleen with laughter,  
And makes me smile, I swear, a sennet after,  
To think how he deludes that Ape o'th' Court,  
Who labours his Protection in this sort.  
He tells him, he shall in his Fortune's share,  
And at his death he shall be made his Heir,  
Upon which deed of gift the Gull relies,  
And's like to hang himself when th' Merchant dies;  
For now when he should seize upon his store,  
He finds an other seized thereon before.  
In every Fair too he his tricks can play,  
And shark, and cheat, and profit day by day;  
For Country people they so simple are,  
They scarce discern good from adulterate ware.  
Besides all these, if th' Academy look  
Not to themselves, and shun his dangerous hook,  
He hath a trick to gull them with the show  
Of Satin foreparts, Silken halfe-sleeves too.  
But let him look to't, though his profits be  
Great to himself, yet his posterity  
Drawn from the loins of this broad-spreading tetter,  
I'm so resolved, will never thrive the better.   

Next him the Country Boar comes leering in,  
So simple-seeming ●…s he knew no sin;  
But he that holds him so's a simple man,  
For he can cheat as well as others can:  
Yea he that holds him so let him but try him,  
And he will find himself no gainer by him.  
He makes a show, that so his tricks may pass,  
That he can hardly tell to Michaelmas,  
And so precise, some will not stick to say,  
He will not lend his Bull on Saboth Day:  
Yet for Oppression, Biting usury,  
Rapine, Extortion, hateful Simony,  
He scorns that any one should put him down  
In Court, in University, or Town.  
Yet see this Erwig, How he starves himself,  
For all his substance and injurious pelf;  
The more he has the more he seems to lack,  
Indebted both to Belly and to Back:  
For his hid trash he labours so to smother,  
He'll neither feed the one nor clothe the other.  
But leave him to himself; for such as these  
May be compared to Hermocrates,  
Who when he saw sad deaths approaching hour,  
Did make himself his own Executor;  
And being asked the reason, did reply,  
I got my wealth, who should disposeed but I?   

But eye me yond Church-Chuffe, how broad he struts,  
With thighs and legs ore-pentised by his guts!  
A furmall apish timist, who delights  
In fawning on our rising favourites;  
Who once professed compassion to the poor,  
Bolts charity and pity out of door.  
A zeale-pretending halting Laodicean,  
O●… Mountebank adulterate Physician,  
Who with's infectious drugs corrupts his sheep,  
And with his leaden-Sermons makes them sleep.  
If a sound Lay-Divine profoundly write,  
His work▪ gets scarce admittance to his sight:  
For this spruce-damask▪ Cassoked Divine,  
Will have no books divulged in his time,  
But such as relish of his oyle-spent Lamp,  
Though like base bulloigne they deserve no stamp.  
Thus Ignorance must censure what we do,  
Raze and deface our choicest Labours too:  
So as this Aenobarban Bacchanist  
For th' Press is now made sole Monopolist:  
Foe there's no Author without Achans wedge  
May ever hope to get his privilege.  
If this be longer suffered, I profess  
To make my Trunk my Print, my 
* Oleum quod impendi circa vineam, immisi in Scrinium.  Desk my Press.  
He has confessed he counts it as no sin  
By th' window to a Living to get in,  
For he has precedents of divers men  
That do the like, and he will follow them.  
But if he see a vertnous exemple,  
It's not so soon admitted to his Temple.  
Well, if Oppression, Rapine, Injury,  
Equivocation or Church-Simony,  
Ambition, Assentation, Insolence,  
Licentious life, and loose Nonresidence  
May under Church-mens copes securely fight,  
I vow to God I'll be made Deacon straight;  
For there is no Profession in this Nation  
Save this, for such crimes may get dispensation.   

Now shield me dear Justinian! who comes here!  
O Sir, I know you by the Robes you wear:  
That conscript habit cannot shroud your sin,  
Unrip your case, Sir, show me what's within.  
Shall I be your Anatomist? I will,  
And squeeze your ulcerous corrupted ill.  
This Lime-hound hath disparaged the State  
By his injurious judgement, and with hate  
Of God and all goodmen, as well appears,  
Grows rich by Orphan's cries and Widows tears.  
He may for forme-sake to the Temple go,  
Because he hath no other thing to do,  
But it is only done to take a nap  
And thank God for't: he sleeps i'th' Churches Lap.  
Bribes have so stuffed his Cushion none can wake him  
Till wrath and fury dog and overtake him.  
he'd hug Astraea if she were a Whore,  
But being pure, he kicks her out a door.  
he's in such grace, he scorneth opposition,  
Conscience he'll harbour upon no condition.  
His chapfallen chin is shrunk below his Navel,  
Yet hugs he gold till's mouth be filled with gravel.  
He limits his nice Dame, what she shall pay  
For this or that, who hopes to see a day  
When his corrupted corpse reduced to dust  
Shall give free scope to her restrained lust.   

But note yond politic State-underminer,  
Of Machiavels opinions late refiner;  
How he condemns those Apes which went before,  
Yet to be censured he deserves far more  
Than all the rest: For hath not he confessed,  
And made himself as guilty as the rest?  
He taxeth them of openness (poor Elf)  
When he incurs like weakness in himself.  
So as I think, whatsoever he seem to know,  
he's less in substance than he is in show.  
Tracing the clouds with Aristophanes,  
He comes far short of Aristomanes,  
Who strait-immured, as stories do report,  
Within a ragged Rock, an aged Fort,  
When he with other noble Captains were  
In Lacedaemon kept close prisoner;  
To free them from these unrelenting Rocks,  
For shame (quoth he) Let's imitate the Fox,  
Who were he here, he'd gain him liberty,  
Let's not come short of him in policy.  
No more they did, for digging those raged shelves,  
Within short time they after freed themselves.  
But this State-polititian works his ends,  
By making all he treats with his firm friends;  
And with pretence of Conscience ties them to him,  
Caufing them think he's same man he doth show him:  
But I make little doubt, when these have tried him,  
But they'll decest him, having once descried him.  
" This I'll avouch, and stand to 't when I've done,  
" He that is friend to all, is friend to none.  
Let him then gull his friends, engross his sin,  
Till he have no friend left to bury him.   

But hold sides that ye burst not, luck befall  
Thi●… Paracelsi an Chimick-Urinal!  
Who would not laugh to hear him cry, the Stone,  
The Stone, the Stone, as if he had just none?  
Or that his pain had caused him sh●…w the madder,  
By reason of some gravel in his bladder.  
But'las, poor seered thing, he cannot see  
His▪ Chymick-works will ever useful be.  
For though he once presumed on his wits,  
To turn Spits, Jacks and brazen Candlesticks  
Into pure gold, his muddy brains grow weary,  
" Brazers may use their trade in Lothberrie.  
This Cricket now is turned a water-caster,  
Since which blessed time his wealth grows daily faster;  
For as he vaunts, where ere he make resort,  
Be't to the City, Country or the Court  
He's only prized and had in all esteem,  
Yet knows not what the Rules of Physic mean▪  
If this be so, it cannot be denied,  
Under his hand but many men have died,  
So as no other reason see can I,  
But that the Law should censure him to die:  
An Homicide is hanged if he kill any,  
What sense is't he should live has killed so many?   

Thus have these Apes displayed them, so could I  
If I my tricks would labour to descry;  
But this my fear is, if I should descry them,  
By their discovery some might profit by them;  
Which would much grieve me, such an one I am,  
As I ne'er wished for good to any man:  
Yea I may swear, I know not one alive  
That with my heart I could desire to thrive.  
But if I might impeach their name; I'd do it,  
Or do them any harm, I'd quickly show it:  
Their i●…putation is my joy, their hurt  
The only pleasant game that makes me sport.  
When Timon, my dear friend, once chanced to see  
A man's wife hanging on a wild-figtree,  
O (quoth he) It would Timon highly please  
That every bough brought out such fruit as these;  
For than our wives would sing a silent ditty,  
And we should need no ●…uck▪ stools in the City!  
The like wish I; nor do I only wish  
To w●…an kind that heavy doom of his,  
For I'm indifferent for sexes both,  
This could I never love, and that I loath▪  
Aesop I hug, and I do honour him,  
Who in a tale brought 
* Arist. de part. 〈◊〉. l. 3. c. 2.  M●…mus chase in;  
And in reproof of nature did proceed,  
For setting Bulls-horns rather on his head  
Then on his shoulders, being stronge-rpart;  
In which respect preferred he curious art  
Before the hand of nature: for, quoth he,  
Such over sights in Art We seldom see.  
His steps I follow, for I tartness show  
To th' choicest works of art and nature too:  
Nothing can please me in this globe of earth  
But others woes, whose moans afford me mirth.  
If on a learned work I chance to look,  
Though I've no judgement I can tax the book,  
And call the Author for his pains a fool,  
Yet past two Months I never went to School.  
By meancs whereof, and homebred education,  
One taught me th' rules of a Prognostication;  
Straight by direction from an Erra pater,  
I knew each distinct Planet and his nature.  
Which known, I could not brook my Country well,  
But in acquaintance with some Gipsies fell;  
Whose chiefest Bung and Captain now I am,  
And held in Palmistry the only man:  
Where though I cannot sing the Gipsies song,  
I am as merry as the day is long.  
For if a Milkmaid come to me and crave,  
I'd tell her when she shall a Husband have;  
Or an old Chrone, that I to her would show,  
Whether she must outlive her Grub or no;  
howsoever their fortune be, better or worse,  
My dainty-Doxie nim●… away their purse;  
With which we merry make and bravely roar,  
With some stolen Pullen that we have in store.  
Truth is, since I kept square with these, I find  
Myself and my affections worse inclined  
Then ere they were before; nor do●… I care,  
" They that fare well may reputation spare.  
" He must be stained, consorts with such ●…s these,  
" He that lies down with dogs must rise with flees.  
Thus in each Village I and my ragged nation  
With canting gibberish do we make our station;  
In Corporations we do seldom tarry,  
Because of Statutes to the contrary.  
For other Coasts such Officers we find,  
That though they see us, yet they will be blind;  
For now and then, they're such kind▪ natured men,  
They will not stick to eat with us a Hen.  
But I repent me, I so much have said,  
Lest some that hear me, come to learn my trade.    

To the State-Critick.  

WHy, who are you? whence came you? what's your name?  
That you should tax the State, or touch her fame?  
Is it your manners Sir, to chide great men,  
And with your tarter lines to nettle them?  
Admit you meet with some that ne'er did good;  
As deep in sin, as they are high in blood,  
What privilege have you received from us  
To mix your Ink with gall and Copperas thus?  
Are you a man of such account I pray,  
As th' State should notice take of what you say?  
Have we not in this famous Isle one Sage,  
Nor one Wise Master in this latter age,  
That can reprove the errors of our time  
Without the help of your capricious Line?  
Is now your rural strain of Melibaeus  
Mixed with Thersites humour or Tirteus?  
Are great men's crimes your Subject? and must they  
Taste of your Whip, when they do go astray?  
But let us hear how you your spleen express,  
Which Sir implies your male-contentednesse.  
Some have so blushless and soshamelesse been,  
To let their Coach and foot-cloth Horse be seen  
At common Strumpets doors; to rouse a whore;  
Why, I have seen this Critic, and much more:  
And veiled my bonnet, with Godsave your Honour.  
Just as his Lordship came dismounted from-her  
And I connived at this, and would not see,  
Though light was not more manifest to me  
Then his Licentious actions: now must you  
Bring these concealments to a public view?  
I know a Lord with choicest gifts enriched  
Who, as report goes, is of late bewitched,  
And to a Doctor goes to cure those spells,  
But they that know him, think '●is something else.  
And will not stick under the Rose to speak  
That this same Doctor is (indeed) his Tweak.  
But what have they or I to do with him?  
If it be so, 'tis but a Lordly Sin.  
Many have been, and so no doubt will be,  
Bewitched with Objects meaner far than she.  
Yet I'm resolved they judge not fa●…re amiss,  
Who say that he's Bewitched, for so he is:  
For who, unless drawn in by some impostor,  
Would such a Bl●…use to his dishonour, fost●…r?  
Now were it fit, like Glow- worms, to discover  
Matings and meetings of so great a Lover?  
Admit you know ex●…ortion in the Land,  
In officers corruption under hand,  
Simony, Brocage, Rapine, Sacrilege,  
May you not see the Age grant privilege  
To such State- epidemical diseases?  
" What profit gets, it generally pleases.  
Why Sir, I see as much as you can see,  
For my whole life is Albion's scrutiny:  
In City, Court and Country I do want  
For no intelligence, for I do haunt  
W●…th circumspection every nook and angle,  
And how our State-impostors do entangle  
Our unexperienced New- comes; I observe it,  
And how they're honoured most that least deserve it.  
All which I could display, and draw the lines  
Of all their actions to succeeding times  
To make men wonder at, but pray thee, say,  
Would this reclaim these State. moat●…s any way?  
Or dart a blush in any of their faces?  
Or make them weary of their purchased places?  
Or strike a terror in their conscience?  
Or reinstall lost justice to her Bench?  
Would it make one man good that now is evil?  
Or wean one soul from serving of the devil?  
Lass no Sir; Though from God you have your warrant,  
And faithfully perform his sacred arrant,  
When so small benefit is wrought by th' Pulpit,  
Do you by Satyrizing hope to help it?  
Is all the Tribe of L●…vi so far short  
Or shallow to improve, reprove, exhort,  
As they must silenced be, while you begi●…  
To tax their Coat, because they tax not sin?  
You are too bold, Sir, in your fluent strain,  
And tenders that which none will entertain:  
For do you think we live in such an Age  
A Cl●…rgie man will lose a Parsonage  
Before he scourge not sin? it cannot be;  
For how should he relieve his family,  
His hopeful Olive branches with his Spouse,  
With all the holy meinie of his house;  
If he should not disp●…nce with his Creator,  
And smooth the sin of his Improp●…iatour?  
Or that an Officer in any Court,  
Will rectify himself by your report;  
Or purchase to his soul lest hope of bless  
By 〈◊〉 of a poor man one fee less?  
For though Extortion be, I grant, a sin,  
This cou●…se would go well near to beggar him:  
A place that at ●…o dear a rate is bought,  
Must be employed for gain, not sold for nought.  
Or that a Lawyer should his practice make  
Less for himself, then for his Client's sake?  
Or use that glibbery member of his Tongue,  
To further right, and not to bolster wrong?  
For so he should grow out of practice quite,  
And wrong himself, by doing others right.  
For right and wrong though they contraries be,  
Yet wrong does right, if it bring in a fee?  
Or a Physician, whose Empiric Hand  
Must kill down right before he understand,  
Should apprehend remorse, when, as by doses  
He weighs his Physic out, but not the losses  
Of his abused Patients, who with groans  
Must lose their lives and substance both at once:  
These hane naught to give must be forsaken,  
And if they die the care is quickly taken?  
Or a Civilian, though Conscience be  
Th●… O●…ject of his Law, will lose his fee,  
Or not protract a Cause and make a stir  
By plodding some impertinent demur:  
For he such store of Precedents can show,  
That their examples tell him what to do,  
And will secure him: only let pretences  
Guilded with sanctity disguise offences.  
Or that a Ror●…r will his Oaths forbear  
Or shudder when he does God's judgements hear;  
O●… leave his Brothels, or his midnight revels,  
O●… leave consorting with his female Devils'?  
For so he should abandon all his joy,  
And lose the Title of a ro●…ing Boy;   

No, Sir, these tasks surpass a Critic strain,  
And make him wash the Blackamoor in vain.  
Yet I pers●…ade me, you ●…xprest your zeal  
In your dimensions, to the Commonweal;  
And that your meaning was to wain the State  
From some of that which all good people hate.  
But where sin's grow to ripeness, you must know  
Good meanings and intentions will not do:  
So delicate a●…e these corrupted times,  
As none must tax or taint ●…heir sw●…lling crimes.  
But tell me in good sadness what's the cause,  
To think your Lives more powerful than our Laws?  
If an Oppressor hateful Contracts make,  
Our Laws can bring him like a Bear to th' stake;  
The Cunningest Church thief●… be he near so great,  
When once detected for a counterfeit,  
Must not uncensured pass, nor any one  
Who in a civil State shall throw a Bone.  
So as in my Opinion from the State  
Such Stigmatics do highly derogate,  
Who judge their Muse mongst men t' have more command,  
Then all the Laws and Statutes of our Land.  
But to remove this Error, I think fit  
If any one have mind to show his wit,  
That in obscurer manner he disclose it,  
Lest too much plainness make the Satyr●… lose it.  
This moved some, as in their work●…s we find,  
In Hieroglyphics to express their mind,  
Or like choice Heralds to find out a Crest  
Fitting the form and nature of the Beast  
As some of our spruce-silken Curtain Lords  
Who show their worth in their imperious words  
Have been displayed and shadowed to their shame,  
Yet know not who nor where they wounded them.  
" But most of these their Dingity have lost,  
" And can of nought but painted 〈◊〉 boast,  
This Course was held at first, and ever since  
The freest from distaste and from offence.  
For when we darkly write, thanks be to Heaven,  
So small a portion of conceit is given  
To our Magnificoes, as when they read us,  
They understand us not, or never heed us;  
Which happy ignorance secures our pen,  
And makes them laugh at us, that nettle them.   

In these dark colours have I drawn●… the shapes  
Of vicious Silk- worms in this Age of Ape●….  
Which shadowed with a Vision, may do good  
To purge, if not to purify the blood.  
Nor would I have this to be held in me  
Weakness of courage or timidity;  
For in a Cause where I intent to do●…  
Service to God I ne'er did terror know.  
Nor do I see aught in this vale of tear●…,  
Which should beget in me such fruitless feare●….  
The Substance I enjoy, I n●…re did gather,  
But as a Birthright left me by my Father;  
For had my fortunes hung upon my care,  
My part had comed unto an easy share.  
But what I now possess, be it more or less,  
I never w●…sh God may it longer bless  
Then I sh●…ll-willingly forgo the same,  
To honour God and magnify his name.  
Nor is my health so good that I should fear,  
When s'ere 't please God, my dissolution here.  
Besides, gray-hayres have caused me change my song,  
Assuring me my days cannot be long:  
Should I then in my Glorious Maker's sight,  
Play servile Sycophant or Parasite?  
Should I now when my one foot is in grave,  
Learn the obsequious posture of a knave?  
Should I contemn my Soul when death is nigh,  
Or compliment when I should learn to die?  
Should I who ne'er could fawn in all my days,  
An unjust Man against my conscience praise?  
No, heavens forbid! that I should tax that thing  
In Subjects, which I would not in a King?  
Or praise that in a King, which I'll not do  
Even in his Groom or meanest Subject too?  
For howso●…'re our Statists Some times frown  
Seeing those darling vices of their own  
Touched to the quick, yet why should good men fear  
Such Imps who Satin in and out side wear?  
No, in that cause where I desire to please  
My gracious God, I scorn the threats of these.  
But I return unto my Critic now,  
And will inform him too what he shall do.  
I know the Sat, Sir, desperately sick,  
Where some Sores should be Lanced to the quick,  
For they must not be smoothed or smeered with Oil,  
Lest they attract a more impressive soil:  
But how should this be done, or how applde,  
Before the member grow quite mortified?  
An artful and experienced hand were fit,  
And to that active hand a pregnant wit.  
A grave and serious outside too would prove  
That they were types of what their selves did move:  
For him unfit I hold to chastise sin,  
Whose youth admits no down upon his chin.  
He should be of authority and power  
If he would be a powerful monitour,  
For such men's words like nails enforce our passion,  
Struck by the Rulers of a Congregation.  
Yea this our own experience doth teach,  
We eye as much the person as the speech:  
For if he be a man of worth or prize,  
Speak what he will his person makes it wise.  
Besides, that life of his should be approved,  
That his example may be better loved:  
For it redounds unto the Teacher's shame  
To tax, when he is guilty of the same.  
Who aims to shoot his shaft at many men,  
M●…y chance to hit himself too, now and then,  
Unless he blameless be, which is so rare,  
As to seek such our labours we may spare.  
Lest then this frump should in our dish be laid,  
Physician cure thyself (as hath been said,)  
Our Lives should form our Lines, that after times  
May say, our Lifes did parallel our Lines.  
But why should we pursue this fruitless task  
By striving Great-man's errors to unmask?  
Their discontent may by some censure move us,  
But them we cannot hurt, so far above us.  
I hold it best than Critic, we begin  
To let these Peers take their Career in sin,  
While we restrain our liberty of pen,  
Until we see God's judgement waken them.   

Have we not known of late some raised high,  
That they with more disgrace and shame might die?  
Who would have thought in such a civil State  
(I rather touched because it chanced so late)  
That Witch of Endor, who (I think) had force  
In magic- art much like my crop- eared horse,  
Of whom 'twas prophesied (I can assure ye)  
Three years ago, that he should die in fury,  
Should be i'th' Street with stones & brickbats slain.  
And not one known of all that bandlesse train,  
Who murdered him? Sure 'twas his profuse sin,  
Which when he would not mend, God met withhim  
But let him rest, they do●… exceeding ill  
Who rake him from his ashes with their quill:  
He troubled us enough ere he was slain,  
It were not well to raise him up again.  
Should we peruse the Actors and the Crimes  
Both of preceding and succeeding times;  
To what command their Sovereignty extended,  
And with what shame and misery it ended;  
What glory they expressed, and how their state  
Was blemished by their fault, not by their fate:  
What port they bore, yet in the end no gainers,  
But split themselves, and ruin'd their retainers.  
We would admire Gods lawful judgements shown  
No less on other States then on our own.   

See those Sicilian tyrants, how their power  
Still labours one another to devour  
Envy wrought with suspicion, both conspi●…'d  
With hot revenge: to have what they required,  
Yet what effect produced these plots to all  
Those state-aspiring Flies but timeless fall?  
Though Caesar with victorious honour come  
To be sole Monarch o'er triumphant Rome,  
And ride in 's Ebor to be seen of all,  
A stab will serve him in the Capital.  
" Much have I seen▪ yet seldom seen I have  
" Ambition go grayheaded to his grave.  
This then (State- Critic) would I thee advise,  
" To leave to God the censuring of vice;  
But if thou needs must show thy wood- bred nature,  
Let it be shrouded in a shadowed Satire.    

The Ape's Censure.  

EXcellent Apes; ye have yourselves displayed,  
Now hear what shall again to you be said.  
And first for you grand- gull, whose airy vaunts  
Consist of Titles and of Sycophants,  
I here degrade you, and enjoin you more,  
To live as private as you did before  
You came to greatness: they that cannot tell  
How to demean themselves when they are well,  
Must by severer means be brought unto it,  
I do this to reclaim you, pray you show it.   

For you licentious fleshly Libertine  
Who in del●…ghts surfeit away your time,  
Go from our presence; we have here e●…ow  
To train our Lords in lightness besides you.  
Cynthia's pure rays should not be darked by those  
Who live like Venus' friends, but Vesta's foes;  
Retire, Retire, your follies are descried,  
And live from us till you be mortified.   

For you Vain- glorious Ape, you do appear  
So proud, we cannot brook your being here.  
God hath ordained before the heav'nes begin,  
A fall for Pride, A punishment for Sin;  
The proud are ever plagued by prouder ones▪  
" There must be had sharp Steel to smooth roug●… ston●…  
Leave us, you are not for us, nor be we  
For you, or yours, till you more humble be.   

For you, my pretty Guga, whose vain fancy  
Hath brought you to a careless, cureless Frenzy,  
I will not censure you, for as it seems  
You understand not what a Censure means;  
Yet that you be restrained, I hold it fit,  
Till diet and restraint restore your wit.  
Which done, yo●… may regain your former freedom,  
" For mad-braind boys our court doth little need'e●…   

For you, new fangle Jack, whose aims aspir●…  
To gaudy and fantastical attire,  
For your abuse both to the State and us,  
We censure you and your distemper thus.  
Till you a fashion find, room too and fro,  
That may content our humorous gallants so  
As they shall never change that fashion more,  
But keep them still to that which you bring o'er.   

For you rare Ape, your observation's such,  
I cannot well admire your worth too much;  
Yet I may partly guess what is your aim,  
And I will labour to effect the same.  
It's your ambition to beget esteem,  
In public places to be heard and seen,  
And so you shall; for trust me you shall b●…  
Reered on a public place, the Pillory.   

Now my sweet Ape, how brisk my Courtier goes▪  
A if for want of feet he went on ' ●… toes?  
●…ou, or I much mistake me, make a sport  
●…o buy and sell our Offices in Court;  
●…ur Imposts too you fa●…me for such a sum,  
And glory in your tricks when you have done.  
For which, neat Sir, you shall ●…y th' heele●… be laid,  
Till restitution to the State be made.   

For you rich City- Ape, who can devour  
Poor Widows houses, cheat your Creditor,  
And by Protections bearing such a date,  
Wipe others of their own, enhance your State;  
These I suppress; and if it shall appear  
Your Son was not estated a whole year●…  
●…fore you broke, your Creditors shall share:  
〈◊〉 time of Pious Works you must take care.   

For you penurious drudge, who pores one earth,  
And joys in nought but in your Country dearth;  
●…entie poor Souls you weekly shall maintain●…,  
During which time you shall not sell a grain;  
●…or th●…s 's the aim which I do level at,  
The lean Kine are to feed upon the fat:  
●…or if the fat yield not the lean supply,  
The fat may riot, but the lean will die.   

For you Law list, for Law are in your fist,  
●…uling our Courts of justice as you list;  
You shall be spared for climbing up our stairs,  
●…etake you now unto your private prayers:  
〈◊〉 time this Label shall be writ and hung  
●…pon your Gown, to manifest our wrong:  
" For love of bribes, and for contempt of right,  
My Master is become Anacorite.   

For you Church-g●…at, who can observe the time▪  
And make your Goat a cover for your crime;  
Who Church Revenues with your tricks enhance,  
And pride you in your blockish ignorance;  
Who to oppression and extortion fold,  
Dishonour God, idolotrize your gold:  
Since gold (my Prelate) is to you so dear,  
To India go, you shall be Bishop there.   

For you Sir Politic, you are so wise  
I know not well what Project to divise  
To keep your Brains a work; but for a space  
My Pleasure is that you do leave this Place,  
And not return, until you understand  
What causeth dearth of money in our Land;  
What way our best commodities do go,  
And whether they bring back as good or no.   

For you my Chemic Ape, I muse you would  
Poor in a glass and lose your hope of gold;  
But let this pass: I hear you have no skill,  
And that in curing one, you twenty kill;  
Which to redress, I have by Act decreed,  
Your Urinal be broken on your head:  
And that you be indicted of manslaughter  
If ere you practise rules of Physic after.   

Now for my Critic Ape, that Demopho●…  
Who sweats i'th' shadow, shudders in the Sun,  
Who never saw that man in all his days  
He could find in his heart to love or praise;  
He with his Gypsies is so fitly mated,  
He will be taken hold on by the Statute.  
Mean time let, him by Foists and Bungs be friended  
It is not long till he must▪ be suspended.  
Be gone, my Censure shall not be disputed,  
This is decreed and must be executed.   

Affrighted with the Censure of each Ape,  
Fearing myself were one I did awake;  
But finding it a dream I thought it fit,  
Only for pastime-sake to publish it.   
Similis mihi Simia nulla est.   

Upon the Censure of his Vision.  

SOme Familist or punctual Precisian  
Will slight this work, because it is a Vision;  
Saying," That Visions are deceitful things,  
" And to distraction our affection brings;  
" That this Luciferan Spirit takes the shape  
" (To gull th' imagination) of an Ape.  
Whence he infers, to prove these Visions evil,  
That this same Ape is an incarnate devil;  
All which I grant, but likest of all other  
When he resembles such a Zealous Brother.  
Truth is, for sins survey, who would descry it  
Must closely do't, or soon be censured by it;  
Whereas 'twere against all reason, that to Prison  
One should be sent for s●… of a Vision.  
But whether I be censured or no,  
This will I say and you shall find it so;  
Viewing these gross abuses of your mind,  
This for a grounded maxim you shall find:  
Of all the Tyrants which the world affords,  
Your own affections are the fiercest Lords. 
Ista Po●…mata. non sine lepidula Genii saceti●… primùm Conscripta fuere; An. Dom. 1625.     

The life of POLYMORPHUS SIMIANUS Author of this Poem.  
POlymorphus Simianus a Florentine born, a younger brother, but well descended; and during his minority, in all generous & freeborn Studies trained. He was naturally affected to Poe●…ie; from the delight whereof his Father being of 〈◊〉 esteem in Florence, laboured to wain him▪ by diverting his course that way, and importuning him to the study of the Law. Whereto having for some years applied his mind, he grew in short time indifferently furnished. Neither was his practice less▪ useful. than his knowledge fruitful. Albeit inwardly 〈◊〉 could never relish nor palate that profession; being, as he termed it, a practice whose material were extracted from extortion: yet to give all possible content to his father, he ever extended his best endeavour, ●…ly to further what he could not favour. Being now grown a pretty good proficient in a profession contrary to his element; you shall hear upon wh●… occasion he became degraded, from the benefit of 〈◊〉 practise excluded, and by a judicial, though incomp●…tible censure, silenced. Pleading one day with great vehemency for his friend Farnesio, a Citizen of approved honesty, and whose cause deserved no less success; being in the judgement of the whole Court, grounded un equity and uprightness: He perceived the Judge of the Court to be more indulgent to the Advers part; 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the more he pressed it, the more did the Judge sleight and disvalue it. Wherefore being without expectancs of relief for his much injured friend, as one 〈◊〉 transported with passion, to see corruption seated 〈◊〉 the throne of Judgement; or transpierced with a●…ction, to see his honest friend so highly wronged, with a spirit no less resolved then enraged, he thus 〈◊〉 the Judge▪ My Lord, quoth he, my comfort is, tho●…gh this gentleman my client, be by your Lordship injuriously censured, the date of your commission for sitting on Judgement is almost expired; so as our hope is, by your Successor we shall be redressed. Expired (said the Judge) how do you means ●… I mean (replied Simianus) you are at the point of death. Your reason, (quoth the Judge) for I feal no such matter in myself. The more dangerous is your malady (answered Simianus;) for diseases insensible are ever held most incurable: but to resolve your doubt with an infallible reason; your Lordship knows it is an ancient sacred ceremony herein Florence, as in all other Catholic Countrie●…, for 〈◊〉 sick immediately before the approaching in●… of their dissolution, to receive from a religious man thereto ordained and consecrated, extreme ●…ction. The Judge perceiving whereto his meaning 〈◊〉, covertly implying corruption by those words ●…f extreme unction, with present passion transported, 〈◊〉 him forthwith to depart the Court, in these words. Sir: for your small reverence to this place, hear your censure. So long as the State of Florence shall authorise me to sit in this Seat of judgement, I enjoin you Silence, to caution others by your example to show more reverence. No 〈◊〉 was this heavy Censure pronounced, than Simianus left the Court; although he had many friendly Oraters, who with their best persuasive Rhetoric laboured to mitigate the Judge's censure; whom they found steeled with relentless rigour. About this 〈◊〉 when Simianus was silenced, his father died; by ●…hose death he was more troubled, then with his former sentence disq●…eted: for of such general esteem 〈◊〉 I formerly noted) was this old man, as he was no less for his wisdom and judgement approved, then for his discreet carriage and amiable conversation generally loved: so as his virtues gained his progeny ●…ch honour in Florence. Simianus being thus by public censure from hope of future preferment excluded; of his father's advice, whose piety was a mirror to his family deprived; and in some debts by reasons of his t●…a affable▪ or easy disposition engaged; being brought to these straits, as one doubtful where to retire: it fortuned, even then when he had resolved privately to convey himself from Florence, and expose himself to some foreign adventures; to fall in acquaintance with a Zealous brother of Amsterdam; with whom in short time he grew so familiar, a●… none but HE was of his Cabinet council. Away he must go with him, so powerfully had his zeal wrought with him, unto Amsterdam; where, as he pretended, he was a merchant of especial note, rank, and quality. Simianus, who had even from his infancy, an excellent art of insinuating into men's knowledge, professed; that howsoever other occasions of main consequence had reason to avert his resolution from that course, yet so far had the opinion of his sanctity, the grounded conceit of his sincerity, and those ties of familiar society and sociable amity prevailed with him, as he would leave his Country with hope of all promotion, merely for love of such a Zealous and faithful Companion. At Amsterdam within few Months after they arrived; where Simianus found as many religions, as the world had regions; or the Gergason possessed with Legions; but in principal esteem grew he with a devout fraternity, by means of this Zealous Merchant; who made him acquainted with all those mysterious rites used and practised by that Saintly Society Within short time, being a proper man and w●…ll approved of by the Sisterhood, who had their free voices in the election of every Officer; he stood in Election for a place, which they call the emunctory; the special charge whereof is this. At a certain time, (which upon sign given is duly observed) when the Conventickle is full, and all things in readiness, he it to snuff out the Candles, for the Zealous assembly 〈◊〉 exercise their works of lightness in darkness. This Place by general suffrage he obtained; wherein he demeaned himself so closely to the Sister's content, as no one Officer stood so deep in their books. Nor was he l●…sse respected for his secrecy, then affected for his diligence and alacrity: so as one day, these Zealous Sisters with one consent resolved to prefer Simianus to a place of more cre●…it and profit; and this should be done without the approbation of any of the fraternity. Alleging that their prerogative was no less in the election or taking in of a Brother, then theirs in admission or putting in of a Sister: so as if their Brethren incorporated the one, they would make bold to matriculate the other. Upon this resolution grounded, they preferred him to be Secretary of the Conventickle; a Place of highest honour, and only recommended to such whose untainted secrecy had purchased them a singular opinion of retentive fervour.  
This Office had these Sisters no sooner conferred on him, than the Brethren generally opposed him: saying, the Election was not to be approved, for as much as their voices were excluded: Whereas formerly, no Officer was to be admitted, unless he were expressly by their fraternal suffrages elected. Whence there arose such opposition, as no Conventickle was observed, no Conclave frequented, no nocturnal-rites acted, nor 〈◊〉 due benevolence to the Sisters tendered; for the Brother would not go to the Synagogue without his 〈◊〉 nor the Sister, till reconciled to her Brother: For 〈◊〉 a maxim in their Divinity; One Sex without 〈◊〉 there can never edify. While they were th●… 〈◊〉 sting and contending, Simianus, either with heat 〈◊〉 passion incensed, or hate to their profession induced, disclaiming all secrecy: became an open discoverer of all their impurity, not sparing to say▪ That there 〈◊〉 old tickling in their Conventickles▪ With which 〈◊〉 sion the whole Fraternity being much enraged, w●…drew their Pension from him, which formerly had 〈◊〉 duly paid him. So as now he was left to himself, 〈◊〉 repair his fortunes by encountering with some 〈◊〉 currents. Long had he not sojourned; after his expulsion from the Fraternal- tribe, but he was entertained by a Provincial Deane, who using rather to 〈◊〉▪ 〈◊〉 fleece, took more care to have his due, then discharge his duty, to receive his Tithe, then intent his 〈◊〉; to look to his Tenths and gather his Rints, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ●…paire those many Ruins and Rents of his Church. Now Simianus, for want of better employment, was appointed to be his Tythe-gatherer; whereto he 〈◊〉 addressed himself with all diligent endeavour: but small profit redounded to his Master so long 〈◊〉 he was appointed to gather. For when any Farmer set out his rucks of Corn, whereas he was to receive 〈◊〉 at ten, he showed himself far more Conscionable, receiving only one at fifty: saying; Feed 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 master better than he feeds you; he gives you but one Sermon in fifty weeks, render you him but one 〈◊〉 stookes. This the avaricio●…s Prelate soon per●…ed; so as this conscionable Gatherer, who cut such 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of others Leather, was discarded, and he gain to seek his fortunes, to the wide World ex●…ed.  
So miserable was that time wherein he lived, with 〈◊〉 an universal famine distressed, and through po●…nesse of the place so pestered; as he, being a 〈◊〉 and having no present employment to relieve or 〈◊〉 himself, became much enfeebled, and likely 〈◊〉 have perished; had not a Venetian-Merchant (one 〈◊〉 excellent part) received him, even then when 〈◊〉 did most press him, penury pinch him, and 〈◊〉 height of all disasters surprise him. For such was 〈◊〉 present estate, that albeit upon his return to ●…lorence he could not want, being by such powerful and eminent friends supported, and to so many flourishing families allied; yet so high was his spirit, 〈◊〉 he could not endure to stoop to such baseness as to acknowledge his want. But now by means of this Ve●…tian-Merchant, who took especial notice of his sufficiency, being by means of his education (as we have formerly observed) made accomplished in all Liberal●…iences, he was in a better way of preferment than 〈◊〉 during his abode with that zealous Family, or 〈◊〉 unprofitable service in that covetous Deanery; for 〈◊〉 all trades the Merchant, and of all Merchants the Venetian, as he is highly prized for his generous rank 〈◊〉 quality, so is he worthily praised in spreading the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 sails of his bounty. Nor is he less nobly affected in his port and hospitality at home, than 〈◊〉 rally-minded in his carriage and expense abroad. 〈◊〉 this brave Merchant, Simianus long remained; 〈◊〉 whom he was highly graced, in affairs of weighty consequence employed, and in his bosom faithfully 〈◊〉 Where doubtless, he had continued, as there was 〈◊〉 just cause to divert it, had not some unworthy instruments traduced and maligned him; by suggesting to the Merchant that he read a weekly Lecture to 〈◊〉 fair Lady, out of Boccace. Which surmise added fuel to the Merchant's jealousy, an infirmity whereto ●…ee was naturally subject; so as presently he imagined 〈◊〉 pillow to be stuffed with horne-shaving, giving 〈◊〉 less credit to their report, then if it had been an Oracle, Such were the interchanges of inconstant fortune which ever accompanied Simianus; so as now he must encounter with new billows, before he can come to Harbour. For howsoever his virtuous Mistress, the Lady Celia, laboured to clear herself from all occasion of suspicion; so deeply was this impression of jealou●… grounded, as no Receipt so sovereign could be applied, no Reasons so strong or irrefellible produced, to wain him from this conceit so causelessly harboured. Simianus now perceiving, that nothing could remove his jealous Master from this unjust surmise: he resolved from thenceforth no longer to accommodate himself to the servile dispositions of such humorous Commanders, but rather to return into his own Country▪ to see what entertainment it would give him. Whole resolution his distempered Master no sooner perceived▪ 〈◊〉 he, for all his jealous conceit had of him, fur●…ed him in all points, showing especial arguments 〈◊〉 bounty at his departure. Wherewith Simianus 〈◊〉 something encouraged, recalling to mind, how his 〈◊〉 could not disvalue him, when they saw him so 〈◊〉 provided. For well understood he, that popular ●…gements were seated in their eyes: and that out●… habits, with some other superficial preparation, 〈◊〉 gain one oft times more credit and estimation, 〈◊〉 more deserving Ornaments. Wherefore after so●…ne leave taken of all his Comrades in Venice, he 〈◊〉 for Florence; whereupon his arrival he was, 〈◊〉 above his expectance, with all due solemnity re●…ived; and by means of divers eminent and powerful friends in the City, elected (with a liberal Pension for 〈◊〉 Task allotted) to take Survey of all Countries, 〈◊〉 in his Survey to describe the Sites and States of 〈◊〉 Countries: the natures of their people, how affe●…d, how d●…sposed, & withal to compile such remarkable occurrents as might seem worthy his observation. Which Task, after a modest reluctancy, as one more jealous than was needful of his own insufficiency, he undertook; being within these few years resident in 〈◊〉 Island, the description whereof, with the nature if her people then inhabiting, he hath here in a Poem industriously discovered; where by way of Vision he r●…ns division, cleanly but closely carried, covertly shadowed, and smoothly closed. Which we likewise from his own Original have faithfully transcribed. Wherein of ought be omitted, which might give better light to their discovery: we are to imput●…-the error to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 abode and want of acquaintance to inform hi●… in thes●… parts. Neither indeed is it possible, that he should amplify his discourse in every particular; or 〈◊〉 out all private abuses secretly lurking in a State. For this Task would require his industry, who should apply himself to the Survey of one Country only. Though I confess (so ripe are all States grown in the overspreading growth of all vices) as where one Country was observed more for one particular sin then another; we shall now find one State possessed of all those enormities, which formerly were to be sought in many. For where as Pride hath been observed to be most conversant among the Babylonians, Envy among the Jews, Anger among the Theban●…, 〈◊〉 among the Tyrians, Gluttony among the Sydonians, Sorcery among the Egyptians, and all Effeminacy among the Cretans: this labour now may be saved, for we shall find some one flourishing-State, whose long Peace hath fatted her in prosperity, of all these maladies seized; But to return to our Author, wh●… it may be thought by some, that he hath should w●… too 〈◊〉 of spleen in the reproof of sin; they are to understand, that no faithful Relater can be a time-observer; and that nothing so much darkens or blemishes the light of History, as that spreading tetter State-flatterie; besides he was a stranger, and did little care for any ones Censure: which in a Poem of his own, he no less ●…logantly expresseth.  

He who thinks I can flatter is deceived,  
For in my youth when I instruction sought,  
And some small glimpse of knowledge had received,  
My Spirit wrestled in me as I thought,  
And so in time upon my weakness wrought,  
As I gave way; which given, she caused me write,  
To purge the State, and scourge the Parasite.   

Yet so, as thou shalt never personate  
Or high, or low, or any one in place,  
Lest thou incur the censure of the State;  
Not men but manners thou shalt have in chase▪  
Causing shame paint their vices in their face:  
For then this Rule, a safer there is none,  
" To t●…e the sin, but let the man alone.   

Be jealous what thou hears, spare in reports,  
For some there he who on this string do strike,  
How they may vent disgrace on Prince's Courts,  
Yet these can closely play the Parasite,  
And with their servile humours force delight:  
Which ere I'd do. I wish with all my heart,  
I may hang for a Sign at Franckfort. Mart.   
This well tempered resolution He expressed in an Anagram composed on his friend's name, included 〈◊〉 this Distich:  

Virtue hath but bare credit; what's the matter▪  
Because to gain a Kingdom she'd not flatter.   
His honest resolution sprung from an inbred ●…sity of mind he likewise manifested to the World in this free attestation: which with a constant modest spirit he delivered in a public resort, at the time of his restraint.  

Who can prohibit me abroad to tell  
The Crimes of such high-peeres as do not well?  
Why, this Obsequious, Odious, Vicious time,  
That weaves a Cobweb o'er a great man's crime.  
But Masters, would ye know how I am served  
Whose honest actions ne'er from goodness swerved?  
" Sense by Petition hath procured that Reason  
" For writing nought but truth, should go to Prison.   
His well-composed temper and peaceable disposition he likewise expressed; when as being sometimes entangled in Suits of Law about his Patrimony; as One wasted with expense, wearied with expectance, and impatient of longer attendance, he thus concludeth.  

After this Suit, as I am now resolved,  
Shall be decreed, determined, and dissolved,   

〈◊〉 take a long farewell of my Laws journey,  
●…nlesse it be by Proxy or Attorney;  
●…ot who from Hippocrene would Rivers draw  
●…ust not employ his Bucket in the Law;  
●…rre from Courts clamour then I'll build my nest,  
●… smooth-composed line requireth rest.   
Privacy likewise He highly affected, though by sun●…ie Persons of rank and quality mainly dissuaded. S●… as, on a time when as Milan a Diet was intended, wherein the Peers and Commons of the Real●…e were to be ass●…mbled, redress of all State-aggrievances generally expected▪ Writs exhibited, Bills preferred, and he for a Burgess in the Lower House by general Suffrage elected; yet he rejected this honour, & privately retired to his Country mann●…ur; the reason whereof 〈◊〉 demanded, he 〈◊〉 returned this answer.  

One asked of me what might be my intent  
To leave the Town in time of Parliament?  
Why, answered I ●… because I held it fit  
When th' City hath ingross'd the Country wit,  
And that scarce seven wise Masters now were left  
Which were not to the Parliament enf●…oft,  
That purposely I to the Country come,  
Where I am held a nimble-pated man;  
For though a Sw●…n's a Swan, yet when th' Swan'●… gone,  
A white-plumed Chough is held a comely one.   
Where this Author now remains, it is diversely conjectured; some reporting him to be now at Florence, where he is made Remembrancer of the City; others report, that coasting through the Province of Cecuba, upon some disgrace offered by him to a Lyric, who contended with him for the masterprize in Poetry, he was by the inhabitants of that place surprised▪ and in a Vinepresse squezed to death: for the truth whereof I will not stand much. Let this suffice, that this Poem now published, was writ by hîm in the xxxv. year of his age; which being gratefully accepted, shall be by others of his works no less useful (if the Manuscripts may be procured) hereafter seconded.   

The Draught or Portrait of every Ape with their distinct properties, chararacters, and differences, expressed in several pieces.  

1, THE Ape of Honour, Is to have a little Flag, Banner or Streamer in his claw, wherein are to appear several Coats, Arms, Crests, etc. the Emmet, Hedgehog, Cuckoo, Seagull, Owl, etc. The principal Crest, a Rat-Rampant: which is the only Imprezza this Ape of honour hath.  
2. The Ape of Pleasure, Is expressed by sporting with a Marmosite, with this Imprezza, Dainty content.  
3. The Ape of Vainglory, Is Characterised, or Emblematized thus: He is carried by four Apes in a Case resembling a Cabinet, windows of each side, and all open, to discover him sitting in State; his Imprezza, Heaven upon Earth.  
4. The Ape of Fancy, is expressed by hastening towards a Lure made of Feathers, Ribbons, Garters, Gloves, Rings, etc. Which Cupid winged and hover in the Air is shown throwing out his Imprezza: Love is my Lure.  
5. The Ape of Fashion, is expressed in his doublet and hose, fantastically made up, a plume of feathers in his head, amorously eyeing himself in a glass; his Imprezza, I like my humour well.  
6. The Ape of Observation, is expressed looking through a Trunk or Prospective; directly before the end of the Trunk is a Dunghill; his Imperzza, I smell a Rat.  
7. The Court Ape is expressed sitting mopping in a Tree full of flourishes, above him this Imprezza; The Cinnamon Tree.  
8. The City Ape is expressed as in a Rialto or Royal-exchange; Tapestrie-works, Needle-works, Chains, Girdles and Hangers, Belts, etc. to life shadowed. A walk as in the Exchange, with Signs of either side. On the one, an Unicorn, a Bull, an Hart, a Ram, a Goat: On the other, directly opposite, a Tiger, a Panther, an Elephant, a Wolf, a Fox; his Imprezza, What do ye lack?  
9 The Country Ape is expressed poring seriously upon an Almanac; his Imprezza, an Erra Pater.  
10. The Church Ape is expressed fat and corpulent, a Mitre or corner-Cap upon his head; the Basis or end ofa Steeple sticking out of his mouth; his Imprezza, Silence.  
11. The Judicial Ape is expressed of meager or sallow complexion, wasted or decayed constitution, close shaved in a Councillor's Cap and Gown, a Roll or Schedule in his hand; his Imprezza, Ambidexter.  
12. The Political Ape is expressed with a pair of Spectacles upon his Nose, a pair of Compasles in his hand, a Globe before him with a Jacob's-Staffe, with which he measures the Globe; his Imprezza, A sound head piece.  
13. The Chemical Ape is expressed holding a pair of bellows wherewith he stands blowing against a solid Rock: There are Kettles, Landirons, Candlesticks, etc. to be shadowed, implying his Chemic Art; his Imprezza, Fly Brass.  
14. The Critical Ape is expressed laughing and jeering extremely, holding his sides as one oppressed with an unmoderate passion of Joy; his Imprezza, Hold sides  
15. The Censuring Ape is portrayed according to his humour, with a rugged ridged Countenance, fiery and 〈◊〉 eyes; corded Whips in his hand: Looking with an eye of scorn upon the rest of the Ap●…, his Mott: A shots of Shallops. And pointing at them with a jeering visage closeth in these words, Have among you State-Shufflers.    

Parthenia's Passions.  
To the right Honourable THOMAS Viscount WENTWORTH, 
Afterwards Created Earl of STRAFFORD.  Baron of Woodhouse, Oversley and Newmarch, Lord Precedent of the Council established in the North, and one of his Majesty's most honourable 
O quando renascitur alter.  Privy Council: His thrice-honoured MAECENAS.  

The western-Knights Pasquil.  

Marshal! an hall there! Pray you, Sir, make room  
For us poor Knights, who in the fag-end come.  
Mad is my Muse, and now of late affrighted  
Out of her wits for fear she should be Knighted.  
Knighted▪ defend me, Lord, from such an honour,  
I shall not get whole clothes to put upon her.   

Nay, since with Knights there is so great a do,  
I for my Summons will make ready too.  
" Come Masons, come, erect an Hospit●…ll,  
Sith we must all be Knights whom Statutes call:  
For England never had unto this hour  
More more Chevaliers for number, nor more poor.  
Whence many of our Russetings deplore it,  
That they ' r not worth so much as they paid for it.  
Yea, Almanacs, I fear, will bear record  
In Rubric Letters, next to th' year o'th' Lord,  
Which by Succeeding times will be recited,  
" How long 'tis since the Commonty was Knighted.  
Yea, Justice vows, should she pay twenty five,  
She cannot do 't with honesty and thrive;  
" For some of her Bench-Whistlers States be such,  
Their means & veils will scarce raise half so 〈◊〉  
Yea I could pick out One of these who might  
Be made GRAND SOPHIE full as well as Knight:  
" For Justice-sake this imposition wave,  
Lest they be forced to pay more than they have.  
But since my Pink amongst others runs a shelf,  
And every one is nearest to himself,  
I must debate my Cause before I go,  
Judge whether I speak reason, friends, or no.  
" May my State-loved MAECENAS but give way  
" To what the meanest of his Knights can say.  
Now, my good Lord, your humble Suppliant comes  
To know the cause why he sho●…ld pay these Sums.   

` Object." Our Prince's Coronation by a Statute,  
" Inflicts these fines on those that were not at it:  
" Provided they have forty pounds by year  
" Of freehold Land, the Statute makes it clear.   

Answ. 'tis true; but this reflecteth not on me,  
For I was at that high solemnity,  
And I'●…h best note my rural Muse could sing,  
Tendered my Poems to my gracious King,   

Object." Yea but the Proclamation did forbid it,  
" You were not well advised then, when you did it.   

Answ. 'Slid, should I neither then be here nor there  
But like a Ball hang hover in the air?   

O bject. No; though the Coronation wiled you come  
" The Proclamation wished you stay at home,  
" You should not have c●…me up Sir;   

Answ. No more did I,  
For I, as fortune fell, was there already;  
Where my ambitious Muse did Knighthood crave,  
But what I had I hold, no more I have.  
Discuss my Lord, than each particular,  
I shall be found in nought irregular.  
" I came not up; I broke not th' Proclamation;  
" The Statute 's kept; I was at Coronation;  
At which (I'll justify with heart and hand,)  
I joyed as much as any Knight i'th' Land.  
These duly weighed, your Honour Umpire be,  
Whether I pay the King, or King pay me.  
His regal 〈◊〉 received this Muse of mine,  
And were this reason, think you, for my rhyme?  
I sung, my Sov'●…igne heard me, now we say  
The Hearer, not the Singer, used to pay.  
I judge then what soe'er to me is done,  
Is by that figure Usteron, Proteron.  
You for the King demand of me a fee,  
When it is meant that He should pay it me.  
But lest this should by me too much be thought,  
So I go free, my Song shall go for nought.  
But hush! no more; with this approved Position;  
Your constant Servant closeth his Petition;  
" Moore Knights, my Lord, your State has little need on,  
" Let me be a poor Country Squire to breed on.  
Now if these Reasons take no place, my Lord,  
I must Obey if you but speak the word:  
A Knight's fee for your Honour I have here;  
" Knight and no Knight; the Purchase is too dear▪  
But I them resolved, my Reasons are so plain,  
Your squire may with his Coin go back again.    

AMPLITUDINI TUAE DEDITISSIMUS MUSOPHILUS; EBORACENSIS EQUES, EQUITUM HUMILLIMUS.  

* Area quot spioas, quot profert Silva myrica●…,  
Curia quot curas, Semina terr●…nes:  
Quot scatebr●… venas, quot 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ar●…nas,  
Tota Milites inope●… Angli●… 〈◊〉.    

Upon his Hon. Election of Deputation for Ireland.  

FOr Ireland, Lord! what will become of me?  
For Conscience-sake look on my Family.  
Would you receive more honour than you have;  
And so 〈◊〉 those whom you may save?  
Is any one more earthly-blest than you?  
Firm friends, fair fates, brave Bards, corrivals few.  
And who is he that is so richly blest  
Will hatch his Airy in a foreign nest?  
There the best Hawk●…s, indeed, they say are bred,  
But there High-styers oft have perished.  
Those that do love my Lord, do hold it fit,  
As th' Country honours him, so should he it.  
Admit, my Lord, that you entitled be  
Yorks Precedent, and Ireland's Deputy;  
Where you are five y●…ers only to remain,  
Which time expired you're to return▪ again!  
Nay more than that, when every third Month ends,  
You may revisit here your constant friends;  
What's this to me? while you at distance stand,  
I them forced to write my sorrows in the sand.  
" It is a week ago since I did dream,  
How you and I were swimming in a stream;  
Rough were the Billows, for the water swelled  
While I for safety by a Willow held;  
Which you catched at, but, alas, it would not be,  
That failed you what had supported me,  
For when you strove to save yourself from Wrack,  
Rude-chattring Reeds (me thought) still held you back▪  
" Now such as are Expositors of Dreams  
Might thus interpret it;" These troubled Streams  
Betoken danger; Willows, friends (indeed)  
But such as fail us most, when most we need;  
Rude chattering Reeds, such as do make a sport  
To blemish Honour with a base report.  
But dreams are dreams, & such as rightly know them  
Will ne'er give trust nor confidence unto them.  
But why, my Lord, should you transplanted be,  
And reave me of that hope supported me?  
'Zlid, all the world knows you to be wise▪  
And played i'th' parliament your Master prize:  
But what's all that? God knows what some will say  
In heat of hate, when you are gone away.  
Excuse me, Lord, my zeal conceits the worst,  
If I should silent be, my gall would burst.  
No Sycophant am I, upon my word;  
I'll speak as Servants should unto their Lord.  
Then tax not my discretion for the matter,  
But praise his honesty that cannot flatter.   

Here then a tattered Knight comes sneaking in,  
And jeers the Honour you bestowed on him;  
And swears that Diotolph Brand who looked so big,  
Being made Knight for roasting of a Pig,  
Was ne'er to more desertless honour hurled,  
" For he's scarce worth a Pig in all the World.  
Here a rack-rent Recusant cries amain  
O my dear Conscience! and repeats your name;  
And vows since Abbeys were dissolved here,  
A Romish Conscience never cost so dear:  
So as you must not be, till they be freed,  
Pray in their Paternoster or their Creed.  
Some say you're grown to that resistless might,  
He is not wise dare be your opposite;  
For you will crush him be he ne'er so great,  
Having such free access to Caesar's Seat;  
Whose gracious rays are such, as they impart  
Verdure and vigour to your known desert.   

These and such like reports they ' l spread on you;  
Which, though I them confident, are far from true;  
For in that equal Scale your actions stand,  
As I'll avouch you just with heart and hand.  
Yet too maliciously will some men deem,  
When the wide Sea hath severed you from them.  
Nought 's left to answer for you but report,  
Which good men know you by, and love you for't.   

Alas my Lord, for Ireland! many one  
Have gone forth laughing, that come weeping home.  
Our Modern Stories have sufficient  
To show, we need no other Precedent.  
" Nor can you there do service to your King,  
For, as I hear, there breathes no venomous thing:  
What then can Justice find itself to do?  
Plant rather here where there be snakes enough,  
" Such as deserve a Censure:" He that's just  
Must find offenders, or his Sword will rust.  
Some from the height of their concealed hate  
Do much malign the fullness of your State,  
And say," One day a Parliament will come,  
And then we hope Some will be paid home,  
If these, while you live here, so envious be;  
Judge what they'll do when you're beyond the Sea?  
Your Presence then 's the. way to make you strong,  
" Just men have oft through absence suffered wrong.  
" Pardon my boldness, Lord, the Case is such  
Did I not love you, I'd not speak so much.  
Oft to your Honour have I made resort,  
Yet ne'er Petitioned aught unless in sport;  
It was yourself I sought, whose love I gained  
And that was th' only mark at which I aimed.  
Your choice discourse and judgement I confess,  
Made me all yours, I could be nothing less.   

I should write more, But Seas begin to rise,  
And with their briny waves o'erflow mine eyes.  
Thus then with firm resolve, my knee I bend,  
So you thereto be pleased to condescend:  
Mount to the Moon, you cannot mount from me  
My Muse and I will keep you company.   

" Only vouchsafe a line, for if you go,  
England farewell, I'll be for Ireland too.    

Upon his Hon. return from Ireland.  

Upon his attendance.  

MY Lord, I think I have more hours attended  
Then pearled Rills From Taurus ere descended.  
Still have those rising waters troubled him,  
But when He strove a greater man stepped in.  
Scotch▪ Irish, English in such numbers came,  
As none would deign to tell your Servants name:  
" Well, my good Lord▪ though you're the Heir of time,  
" That I'm the same, peruse this troth-plight rhyme,    

Upon his admittance.  

BLessed Patrick, are you come  
To your long-expected home?  
None I swear ere came here  
To my leaping heart more dear  
Saving my dread Sovereign  
In his wished return from Spain.  
Sail not from 〈◊〉 back again▪  
Unless it be your Princes aim,  
But amongst your own remain,  
" This is the Prayer of your Swain.  
'Zlid you've discharged that task for which you went,  
Live now unto your own a Precedent.     

For the Right Honourable CHARLES HOWARD, Commander in chief over Cumberland, Westmoreland, and Northumberland, Upon the Decimation.  

DEign Sir, in your perusal of these lines,  
" To clear their Score, who'r clear of all Designs:  
" Which crowns your Honour; when those Shires that bear  
" Your fair Commands, are only now found clear.  
Though change of State, no doubt, some levelled at,  
'twixt hopes & fears: But hush! no more of that.  
Assessed afresh! what have we done or said  
That this new Tax should on our States be laid?  
Dear Goldsmith's Hall six tedious years ago  
Brought the Revenues of our State so low`  
As with Rent-Charges, we may safe aver,  
Some of our Lands lie now in Lavender.  
Such is the Burden our condition feels,  
As we can scarcely keep our Cart o'th' Wheels.  
Weigh our calm temper too, how all our time  
We made the Muse's Wardrobe our design:  
And those who were not qualifide that way,  
For Grazing or for Culture made assay.  
No Project nor State-action plundg, our brain,  
" To know God and ourselves was our sole aim.  
And merits this a Censure, pray you say!  
Must our Retirement this Assessment pay?  
To th' world we appeal!— where we do live,  
Our precious Minutes are contemplative.  
Our thoughts act not for Changes: our content  
Is to dispose our Souls to th' government  
Of their affections: They that have arrived  
And seen as many years as we have lived,  
Should make 't their only task their souls to save:  
And in e'ch pace to measure out his Grave.  
This, is our Warfare: if 't be held unfit  
Teach us some other Trade, we'll practise it.  
But to find out a safer way than this  
Trace Heaven and Earth, we know not where it is.  
This all Saints used, where were we joined in one,  
We ' d hold our Passage happy to be gone.  
Weak be our nerves and arteries to fight,  
" heavens Ordinance is the Shot gives us delight:  
And in these aged-deafned Ears sound louder  
Than any Shot that takes his Charge from Powder.  
From the first 
* Nun major nobis concedenda est gratia, amplior Clementia primo a Bello cessantibus & pacificè degentibus, quam iis, qui in Castris assidue fuerunt versati usque ad ultimum Worcestriae certaminis exitum?  War some have not struck astroke  
But from the Camp betook them to their book.  
Or if their profit did not that way look,  
They plied the Ploughshare or the Shepherd's Crook,  
For we collected by our Conquering Foes,  
What Heaven decreed 't was folly to oppose.   

For this, our Composition has been paid,  
Wherein his GRACE afforded One such aid,  
That even in Goldsmith's Hall He did apply  
His hand, and sought their fine to qualify:  
Had not a Ridge of Hasles stood i'th' way  
And with a rough obstruction raised his pay.  
" Burnt Child fire dreads: Our penance has been such,  
We acted little, but we suffered much.  
Had no man's hand been Conscious of more guilt,  
Much blood had been preserved, that has been spilt.  
Some of us may be Hermits for our years,  
There 's no occasion then from us of fears.  
Besides, SOME 
* Pricked, though not personally summon●…d.  Justices were called of late,  
Which would sound harshly to a ruin'd State.  
Do not Assess us then, unless 't be shown;  
That we enjoy more fortunes than our own;  
Much less, I'm sure, than we might justly claim:  
" heavens steer our Bark in this tempestuous Maine.  
` Your self 's the North-star that directs our Sail,  
Gear our Land-voyage with a prosperous Gale.  
Pensions, Debts, Portions have our States so reft,  
Like Banbery Cheese, there 's nought save pairings left:  
And if we must both Crum and Crust forgo  
we'll welcome want, because heaven ordered so;  
In hope, when you these Golden Mines obtain,  
These Taxes shall be paid us back again▪   

But Grace appears!— th' Instructions give consent  
That those who entertain this Government  
With a Compòsed and Submissive will  
Should be exempt from this Assessing Bill:  
And, sure, Experience taught us so much wit  
To know what Sovereignty is, and to submit.  
we're now become Good Boys (thanks be to God)  
First take correction, after kiss the Rod.  
" They who intent t'improve their Means at Court  
" Must take a wrong and give a Congee for 't.  
Tender the favour these instructions show,  
" So yours prey not on us, we ' l pray for you:  
Wishing with all our hearts, Heaven would decree  
Our Purse as full, as we're of Charity.  
If all this will not do, we hope our Zeal  
Unto the State will grant us an Appeal;  
Wherein by plea if we appear not free,  
May this same Grand Assess re-doubled be.  
But rather than offend, we'll meekly fall  
Under your Doom, without Appeal at all.  
— This renders no disgust; So you reprieve us,  
we'll try what benefit the Law may give us;  
Wherein if we unfortunately slip,  
we'll hold th' Adventure worse than 
* Should a Case of Necessity he urged; the like was in that Argument of Ship-money pretended: and by some of our judicioust and sincerest Judges evinced and held illegal.  HAMDENS' Ship.  
Should none of all these Arrows hit the marks,  
But like Tiresias Shafts be shot i'th' dark;   

Our only way to cement this Division  
Is to officiate and take th' Commission.  
Which, if it may with your affection suit,  
To th' Tenure of that Writ, we'll execute:  
And do as justly too, or we'd be sorry,  
As we were dealt withal,— so ends the story▪    

After his Assess at Penrith; Addressed to his Honour.  
January 31. 1655.  

HOw now! Mount I to twenty pounds Assess,  
When my Rint-charges rise to such a rate  
As no inferior Judgement could hold less  
Then free indulgence to my squiezed State?  
You doom, I melt; shall I the Cause impart?  
Your Honour's civil usage won my heart.   

Yet that those Grounds were good I stood upon,  
Peruse these Reasons, Sir, and I have done.   

What's twenty pounds Assess to him that may  
Improve the State more by his Pen then Pay;  
When He to foreign Nations shall make known  
The Bounty and great Pity you have shown  
To State-Delinquents! when with face to face  
They ' r looked upon like Children of Grace.  
As th' late Act of Oblivion seemed to approve,  
That we were all One Family of love.  
Thrice Sacred Cement! when Revenge must cease;  
And Patience smile on forepast Injuries.  
By which your Fame might to Successions ring;  
" To have Power and not to do, 's a noble thing:  
A Princely-Lyon Ire: when hostile force  
Puts off the Robes of Rage, and donns' Remorse.  
No Marble, Topaz, Ivory, Thracian Stone  
Could rear you Shrines more to be looked upon;  
Nor more admired: Statues are works of time,  
True worth admits no period nor decline.   

Now to myself;— Should I in brief relate  
The form of th' Spartan or the Theban State  
In their necessitous times; you might perceive  
What Privileges they to Penmen gave:  
For by their 
* Panorm. de Jure Civili. C. X. Conrade. de Magistrali discip. C. 5. Palud. de Antiq. Leg. L. 3. C. 6. Carnead. de Princip. Regim. C. 8. Paragraph. 7. Pelarg. in Quaest Aristocrat. fol. 30. Camerar. de Gest. Orient. Li. Z. C. 6.  Annals I shall make 't appear  
From all Assessments They exempted were.  
First, that their Writings might disperse their Fame;  
Next, that their Penns more gingerly might blame  
The Errors of those times: and Palliate  
In a smooth Style th' Abuses of the State:  
Seeking by artful secret mists to smother  
The Soil of Sin, but to display the Other.   

Sometimes have I extolled you in this sort,  
And if too much, pray God forgive me for't.  
Nor did I only in that Landscape show  
State-virtues, but emergent vices too.  
" Good faces are with 
* Choicest Perfections art best discovered by their Opposites.  Moles much beautified;  
" Venus seemed fairest, when Nais sat beside.  
" Vice sets off Virtue best:— No 〈◊〉 spread  
" Their Lustre more, than when they ' r set in Lead.  
There's none that ever knew me One of those  
That for a 
* 〈◊〉 Places of Corresponsive esteem and benefit prose●…d me if my ●…etired Condition would have entertai●… any such Remo●…a's to Privacy and Con●…emplation: or could have stooped to that servile lure of Assentation.  Diadem could learn to gloze.  
For had I practised the Art to Flatter  
" Th' increase of Fortune had depraved my Nature.  
Yet had I proved Proficient in that Art,  
I'll tell you, Sir, the secrets of my Heart,  
(For I dare venture to unrivet it  
To one of Honour, Judgement, Worth and Wit,)  
I'm confident, I had not so long waited  
On your Commission to be Decimated.  
Since SELDAN that Authentic Instrument  
And constant Servant to the Parliament,  
Directly proved no Tenths at all were due  
Unto the Clergy; then much less to you.  
Whom though our 
* B. Mountagu●…. B. White. Dr. Helyn. Mr. Wotten. Mr. Burton, etc.  Rabbis laboured to confute,  
They might have Silence kept with more repute:  
For such Antiquity and Reason met  
As his Assertions were not answered yet.   

BESIDES all this; the Spartan State decreed  
That all such Parents as their Children breed  
In Arts and Studies of Philosophy  
From all Assessments should exempted be:  
And by deductions from Rint-charges granted  
Supply those Tackle Education wanted.  
Which Law one day when Cleon did oppose,  
Tyrtaeus in defence o'th' Edict rose,  
Saying;" If these so near us might not share  
" In our Provision and parental care;  
" May this strict opposition be obeyed  
" And all Male-childrens henceforth Eunuches made.  
Which smart Reply driven th'Court to such a laughter  
As the like Motion ne'er was heard of after.  
To those object," 'Tis folly to delay  
" This Grand Assess, our Soldiers must have pay;  
My answer is;" I'm Nature's deepest debtor;  
" I love a Soldier well, but Children better.  
But since I must their Benefactor prove,  
Their prayers, me thinks, should gratify my love.  
But though I pay them more than does become me.  
They pray not for me, but they prey upon me.   

When aged Priam o'er Sacked Troy did reign,  
Never had he more Children to maintain;  
Must I disowne whom Nature bids me own,  
To furnish Those, to whom I am unknown?  
The case is Ours: let Application draw  
From th' Spartan Act, life to an English Law:  
For if such Masters worse than Ethnics be  
Provide not for a private Family;  
Those Fathers, surely, should be held unfit  
To live, who take no care of those they get.  
" Those wild Oats youth has sown, Old age must reap then.  
" And what we got, an other must not keep them.   

Dear Sir give ear; what Native Love alleges  
Concerns us all; the tender of our Pledges.  
But you ' r so truly Noble; as no fear  
Of your just Care dares put in Anchor here.   
Your most devotional decimated Servan●… R. B.  
With your HON. Certificate, let me partake this noble favour from your approved Goodness: To have my Assess (after the merit of my Cause) respited, till my repair to London, which I purpose (God willing) early next Month. Where I hope by application and your HON. assistance, to mitigate, if not wholly mediate my Assess.   

Upon his additional Assess; continued in address to his Honour.  
February 2. 1655.  

" What Bill's here posted on our Tything door!  
" Five pounds to the State-advance— And who bids more?  
" Not one Scotch Plak; 'tis feared the State at length,  
" Will seize nine parts, and leave us but a tenth.   

SIr I was lately bit, but knows not how,  
Nor whether they be friends to th' State or no.  
For surely those who represent such zeal,  
And constant service to the Commonweal;  
Should not be used so.— I'm lately 
* I heard your Honour much opposed it, But votes pass often more by Beards then Wit.  cast  
By your Grave Synod, since th' Assessment last  
In five pounds more: if this be not a Shelf  
(I must appeal unto your Honoured self)  
Of dangerous consequence;— when hearts and hands  
Become addressed to your fair commands,  
Must these be made State-Martyrs? Where should we  
But in Committees look for unity  
In their harmonious Votes? How does this show,  
When one day acts, what next day does undo?  
This strange dis-union held a partial Sin,  
Caused old Sysambris sacrifice his skin  
In brave Cambyses time; who wisely saw  
How it opposed the level of the Law;  
And that it aliened much the hearts of those  
Who were his Friends to be his private Foes.  
Affection is of such transcendent price,  
Assess should not eclipse it nor Excise.   

Redress this, Sir, for unto you I owe  
Such cordial Service and devotion too,  
As you, I'm sure, on whom I do depend,  
In my just Cause will prove a faithful Friend.  
Which done, if there be Springs in Helicon,  
I'll fame your honour in our Albion:  
And make her Face so terrible to Spain,  
As if our Army were all- Charlemagne.  
This Pibrac freed from Taxes in his time,  
Why may it not to this low Muse of mine?  
Whose wings so richly plumed, as She can fly  
And meet Occurrents with an Eagles eye:  
And make those grant who ' r ill-opinioned on us,  
That we do nought, but what may well become us.  
Which, though it seem a Paradox to Some,  
They will acknowledge it when I have done:  
For that Bards Genius is not fit to write,  
That cannot make white black, & black of white.   

For since Pharsalians Fields were never in  
More mouths, than our late civil Wars have been;  
If home bred Triumphs purchase such renown,  
Much more when We have foreign Nations won.  
" You must my Patron be in this address,  
" Your Pension my Exemption from Assess.   
Your Hon. most affectionately devoted re-decimated Servant   

A parcel of partiall-guilt Justice.  

HOw! a Commission! Pray thee from what ground?  
" To salve th' Assessment of three hundred pound.  
Well, GIB. though this device thy Coffers ease,  
The Cure may prove far worse than the disease.  
I could, but dare not whisper in thine Ear,  
Lest some Eve-droppers for the State draw near;  
One day there may a Fowler come to set  
And catch a Timing Baron in his Net.  
No Scottish Style will leave thee Scot free than,  
Fames Pencile shall engrave:— Lo there's the man▪  
Who spared no time with Conscience to dispute,  
But roundly undertook to Execute;  
" Whom? Justice;" How? To hang her? No, to Save;  
" What? His Assess.— So died this worldling Slave.  
" Was e'er wealth worse bestowed?— Stay, Sun's not set;  
" More's to be done:— Last scene's not acted yet.    

For Colonel ROBERT WATERS, Upon his Yorkshire Summons.  

" These late Inquisitions have So my Senses Confownded,  
" I am now in a Straight, as if I had never Compounded.   

THe Laity ought to pay their Tenths; 'tis true;  
But they of old were to the 
* Vid. Parae. in Eccles. discip. Just. de Jure civili. Casel. in med. Theol Crescent. ib.  Altar due.  
If th' Altar be suppressed, the Offering dies,  
For where no Altar, there no Sacrifice.  
Yet though Delinquents Fatlings be exhausted,  
Their poor Remains must be the Holocaust:  
And though in them small fat be left to fry,  
Some must be Squiezed forth until they die.  
So as Jobs Maxim will admit no doubt,  
" Naked came they in, and naked must they go out:  
And stripped of State, well were't if they from sin,  
Might go as naked forth as they came in:  
But Caesar with his Power can ne'er impose  
More outward Mulcts, than they have inward foes:  
Which They by temperate diet may repress,  
And this Assess will keep them from Excess.  
Thus Sinnue-shrunk all rising Statists eat us,  
" Our 
* In ostium, Rubrae Crucis si figamus characterem, perniciosa pestis Spectantium oculis ominatur indicium. Cordel.  Cross o'th' Door cries— Lord have mercy on us.  
But should all th' Elements combine to fail me,  
There's One at Cundale, sure I am would bail me.   

Excuse me, Sir, I am not every where,  
My Person's One, and that One Summoned here;  
Nor do I fear, though I with Others Share,  
So just's my Judge, but I shall carry fair.  
For my increase is not in Coin but cares,  
Aches, rheums, Tisicks, Children, and Gray-hairs:  
Wherein, if th' State take Tithes in every part,  
I wish them th' Tenths of these with all my hart.   
From him, who In Storms, Winds, and Showers, Subscribes him truly yours. December 28. 1655.   

For Mr. Ralph Rhymer, a discreet State Commissioner.  

RImer, Me thinks thou shouldst a Poet love,  
Though more than Rhime's required in Poetry;  
A word in season's precious; Pray thee move  
That I from decimation may be free,  
So shall Swales Banks fame thy Civility:  
For such a friendly-Office done in Season  
May store Musaeus both with Rhyme and Reason.   

Rhyme gives the Close and Accent to our verse,  
My dearest Ralph approve thee one of those  
Who may deserve Inscriptions on their Hearse,  
And gain more Friends than others gather Foes;  
By clothing such as Imposts do unclose;  
So to thy Line such honour may be won  
Time shall Enshrine thy Fame at Brafferton.   

Since this was writ, good news from th' Parliament,  
Our Decimations are quite ta'en away,  
God grant this Ease raise not our discontent  
And rack us more than we before did pay,  
Which would make up th' Malignant's holiday,  
But if our shoulders must Atlantic be,  
Let thine own, Caesar, bear as well as we.  
We have been Asses made while they were freed,  
Lean not too much upon a bruized-Reed.    

For Captain Aitee and L. Bolland.  

WHen young Leontio was so straight set  
As all his State would scarce discharge his debt;  
Decius the Sergeant was enjoined to come,  
And seize of all his Movables in Rome:  
Who dealt so fair and mildly in his place,  
From th' Mace he vowed he never found like grace.   

That I may render every one their due,  
This Story might be instanced in you;  
Though Some profess themselves your mortal haters,  
I'll justify you Civil Sequestraters.  
Such Atteus was in honest Appius days;  
Hold on; 
* Nullo minore pretio assequenda est Amicitia, viventium Anima, quam Candore et Clementiâ.  mild Spirits merit highest praise.   

" Your Temperance, no doubt, retained a sense  
Of honest Ned Crofts cordial Innocence:  
Who without Boots or Arms was proved to be,  
Which were strange Habits for hostility.  
If his resolus had been addressed that way,  
He would have marched in a more martial ' ray.  
But of his Case if there be no remorse,  
" His sentence may conclude,— Gramercy Horse:  
For if he might have got his price at home,  
He had not felt the weight of such a Doom.   

Trust me, high-valued friends, had this been so,  
Horse-Faires had been Sequestered long ago.  
Malton and Rippon might have sent us News  
That both their Markets were removed to th' Mews.  
In Smythfield no Horse-Couper to be seen,  
But vanished quite as if they had not been.  
Though fire and faggot, and a stern Commission  
Denounce his ruin, if a late Petition  
Or a Mild parliament beget not sense  
In steeled Spirits by their influence:  
But I am confident, though Durance tie him,  
It is not meant to crush him, but to try him.   

Ith' Recluce of a pure-heroick breast.  
Candour and Valour claim like interest.  
To have a Power to do, and not a will,  
Has been the Signal of true Honour still.   
Really yours, PEREGRINE STRANGEWAIS.   

To Captain Sadler; a rare Scarlet dyer.  
Noble Sir, I am here, Near unto your proper Sphere: Visit Him who holds you dear.  

DEarest Friend, who all thy time  
Hast been blest in each design;  
And hast Colour for thine ends,  
To improve and right thy Friends:  
Mayst thou live in Honour's Eye,  
Till thy Scarlet lose her die.  
" Love's a Colour died in grain,  
Whose reflex admits no stain.   

Neque dives, nec egenus,  
Neque satur, neque plenus;  
Nec agrestis, nec amoenus,  
Nec sylvestris, nec serenus:  
Palmis nec mulcendus paenis,  
At in omni sorte lenis.    

Upon the Commissioners sitting at the Wildman in York.  

AT th' Wildman for Commissioners to sit  
Some hold it strange, but I do think it fit.  
We have been Wildmen all; and we're to git  
From a Wild-man means to regain our wit,  
But not our Means: who can recover it?  
This made Alcides' wise, was wild before;  
O that I had his Limbs, I'd ask no more!  
For so might I regain my Means at length,  
Though by no force of pleading, yet by strength.    

The Quaker.  

Witch's were Seers called in ancient time,  
And Speakers now are held to be divine.  
But why called Quakers can I not deliver,  
Unless their Spirit turn an Hectic fever.  
I rather think this Name of Tophet smells,  
Where quaking, shaking shame and horror dwells.  
But if Community their Title prove,  
'Tis all in all with Family of love.  
Where like our wand'ring Gipsies in mixed seeds  
Without distinction One with other breeds.  
No marvel then if we have Mongrels many  
When Fox Breeds Cubs, and unrestrained by any  
●…lay privileged in their impostured Service  
Like Souls inspired: but what's all this to Jarvis?   

Thus Folly with a Cup of fornication  
Deludes the Saintlings of our English Nation.  
But Coal or Walker with their zeal, no doubt,  
Will either hunt or smoak these Foxes out.  
Or some choice Archer will their Legions sever  
With pile-head Arrows from a Justice quiver:  
Or cloth them in a Suit of durance ever,  
Till th' Act of Reformation them deliver.    

In Answer to this Paper of Verses, entitled The Quaker; whereof He was reported to be the Author.  

HOld thy penutious Pen, injurious Elf,  
In taxing Quakers, I might touch myself.  
These last seven years I lived in this Clime  
And showed myself a Quaker all that time.  
For when I saw a stern Committee-man  
I from that Sight a Quaker straight became;   Quercedulae sumus omnes,— Alis volitantes vagis. Planc. 

For Fox I hold him a magnetic Seed;  
And NAILER, One that hits the nail o'th' Head. 
* Ut Magnes ferrum, Vulpes subtiliùs attrahit aurum.    

Or when I saw my Name fixed on a post,  
I turned to Quaker, and my Senses lost.  
When an Excise-man or an undertaker  
For State-assesse; these Sights made me a Quaker.  
Tracing those Streets where I did money owe,  
The smell of Mace made me a Quaker too:  
For They who on Parnassus build their nest  
Are Slaves to Fortune; Subject to arrest.  
Now in my age too when I weigh my sin,  
I Quake to think Oth' State that I am in.  
Cease Critic then, thus to traduce my quill,  
I have a Quaker been and must be still.  
My Body is the Court-loft where I live,  
From whence no Mortal can me freedom give,  
Nor from my Grate procure me a release  
Till my arrival at the Port of Peace;  
Where being once enfranchised in that City  
I'm privileged from Debt, Assess, Committee.   

For you, my Quaking Sisters, ye do make  
Me when I see your riveled beauties, quake;  
That you should pine, and spend your Spirits and die  
Like forlorn Sceletons, and know not why.  
I wish, dear Ducklings, you would understand  
That God requires no such thing at your hand.   

How is it that you cry Repent, Repent,  
And waste rich hours in fruitless discontent?  
Why do you hout and howl and take no rest  
As if in HOPE you had no interest?  
" eat such impostured fancies; Fly to Him  
" Whose light can clear your cloud and cleanse your Sin.  
" Judge not; That power to you was never given,  
" But judge yourselves; for that's the way to Heaven.  
" Rend not your Clothes but Hearts: The Saints desire  
" That you should try yourselves, not clothes by fire.  
" Make use of what is requisite and fit,  
" You should not hate your flesh, but cherish it.  
Be frolic then my Girls, and freely feed  
And propagate your Doctrine by your seed.  
" If Quaking proper be in any Sense  
'Tis in the sweet enjoyment of a Wench.  
This was well known to Adam and his Eve;  
And what they loved, let not their Children leave:  
Yet so, as each may reap what he has sown,  
And every Adam have an Eve of's owne:  
For though there were no Statute to forbid it,  
God has pronounced a Curse'gainst Him that did it.    

A Button-Bung, or, A Westminster Snap.  

AT Westminster my Cassock chanced to find  
A Button-Cutter, who was much inclined  
To meddle with our furniture behind;  
From whence my native Genius divined,  
" Though Westminster above no Spiders show,  
" It has a brood of Nimmers hatched below,  
Who can Trapan poor Clients where they go,  
" Leave them not worth a Button nor a Stro.   

Beware dear Country men of Moller stang,  
Lest rural faction make you sing like Sang;  
Contest not where your Foe & Cause prove strange,  
Lest you confess that all things go a wrang:  
For though your Countess pay, I can assure ye,  
When th' Game is played, your purse must pay the Jury.   

Desist then, Friends; no more Commissions sit  
Unless it be at Fleece to quicken wit.  
This short advice comes from a friendly hand  
As any you can have in Westmoreland.    

Upon the Northern Feast, observed at Salters-Hall, the sixth of October; 1657. Addressed to his worthy Countrymen, The Northern Society.  

OBserve the bounty of these Northern Lads,  
And you will say, the North-Part glory adds  
Unto the South: and that their Freedom is  
An Honour to our great Metropolis;  
Whose Union and Communion is such,  
They may be eyed, but not add 〈◊〉 too much:  
Whose fair Comport has raz▪ d that Proverb forth,  
" That no good thing came ever from the North,  
For what is good, or free, or friendly rare  
Derive their Essence from our Northern air.  
Your native knowledge is not ranked with those  
Who can bouse Ale, yet wonder where Malt grows  
Your Country Cock crows, and he does not neigh;  
You know a Daple from an Iron-gray;  
You know that Sun which shows his splendour here,  
Is the Same Sun shines in your Hemisphere.  
You of your clothes have no such Simple care  
As to o're-pentise them from bence to Ware.  
Your Language, though not curiously refined,  
It can express the dictates of your mind;  
And with more brevity and aptness too  
Then These with their minced Dialect can do.   

Your Northern warlike Habitants of old,  
Inur'd to Snltry heat, and Shuddering cold,  
Against Picts, Scots, Saxons, and Lordly Danes  
Displayed their valour, memorised their Names.  
Such was the Martial prowess of your Nation,  
As it preserved your Frontiers from Invasion:  
And in one year did more joint hearts combine,  
Then Other Countries did in all their time:  
And in composing of their Interests,  
Made Savage Foes become their Servile Beasts.   

Brave gallant Blades! disperse your living Fames  
From tweed to Trent, from Trent to prince'y Thames  
That Times may revel in your Annual joys,  
And vow, No lineage like our Northern Boys.  
May all the Muses, when they dip their lip  
In your rich Bolls, joy in your Fellowship.  
While precious Nectar cheers your Poet's brain,  
And gives him hope to visit you again.   

And you may trust him; when joint votes succeed  
For your next Feast, He shall no Ticket need.   

These Tickets are Half-Crown-men: Our North Zone  
Stands either for a Whole-One, or for none.     

Annot. Egregia Fax illa Germaniae, quae talem flammam toto Orb, facilitate calami, vel subtilitate ingenii latiùs intulit, ut peraegrè extingui poterit, in uxorem duxit Catharinam Boar, (nomine Elizabethae transeuntem in Poëmate;) puellam elegantulam; quam mollitie Carnis, seu Oris sui blanditiis, de Claustris perperam illexerat. Pag. 24. lin. 12. Vid. Isich.  
The Bankrupts Remembrancer; and the Bankrupts Register; being Titles to distinguish the two first Letters relating to the Voice inthe Vault, are omitted. Pag. 38. & pag. 41.   

THese Papers bearing the Title of Parthenia's Passions, were privately procured without the Author's knowledge. Excuse then these Errors: being at the instancy of Persons of quality, published without his direction.  
FINIS.