Mercurius Britanicus, OR The English Intelligencer. A tragicomedy, AT PARIS. Acted with great Applause. Printed in the year, 1641. ¶ The Scene Smyrna. The Persons. 1. Euthymius Two familiar friends. 2. Theocritus Two familiar friends. 3. Heraclitus Two Philosophers. 4. Democritus Two Philosophers. 5. Aegon Rustics. 6. Althaea Rustics. 7. Claudius 8. Cratippus 9. Craticius 10. Vigetius, his Ghost feebly appearing. 11. Trivius 12. Curvus Acillus 13. joachinus, his ghost dreadfully appearing. 14. Hortensius, appearing amiably. 15. Antrivius, appearing friendly. 16. Damocles Penal Judges, 17. Gliciscus Horologus Penal Judges, 18. Chrysomitris Penal Judges, 19. Brundusius. Penal Judges, 20. Primiachus A Committer. 21. Chambrensis A Committer. 22. Manilius A Committer. 23. Perdiccas A Committer. 24. Euchrystus, Clerk of the Court. 25. Roderigo, Porter. 26. Arietus Citizens of Smyrna. 27. Priscilla Citizens of Smyrna. Chor. Of vulgar people Chor. Of Parliament men. The Censure of the judges: OR, THE COURT CURE. ACT THE FIRST. Euthimius. Theocritus. Euthym. MY good friend Theocritus; whether away so speedily? Theoc. Know you not what is this day done in that excellent School of Virtue and literature, that most flourishing, and just Consistory of Peers and Commons? Euthim. Private employments, have made me a mere stranger to public affairs. Pray, what is it? Theoc. Know my Euthimius, that this day the judges must undergo Judgement, those Conscript Fathers whose purple we once adored are now sick of a judicial Fever, by reason of their corrupt sentence given; to the grievance of the Subject, and favour of their Prince. Euthym. Alas! In what a state are we, when Judges must render an account of their actions upon earth before Judges? Theoc. Believe me Euthymus, they must; nor will they escape the Gallows, if they give not very good satisfaction to that Honourable and grave assembly nor will they easily so do: For it is generally said that they were the very fountain of all the tears and tumults of this languishing Island. Euthym. Let them all die, if they have abused the seat of Judgement; it is much better that one perish then an unity: a luxurious branch, than a fruitful vine, some kind of mercy is cruelty; by whose remissness or burden rather, every diseased commonwealth is afflicted: This have I always said, and this renowned Island hath found it too true by experience: to spare the evil, is an endamagement to the good. But what are these? Enter Heraclitus and Democritus. Theoc. If I should directly express their conditions, I should show you divers gestures arising from the self same affection. They are two Philosophers that jeer and weep at the passages of the World. He, Heraclitus plays the part of a compassionate man, he is 〈◊〉 with tears, and no sooner sees then sighs at the vanities of men; But the other, Democritus derides the age; and scoffeth men's general folly; setting up this Motto over his door. Miserum me video, & rideo; Infelicem servideo, nue invideo I see my own misery and laugh at it; I see thy misery and envy it not. But many there are who do outwardly rejoice, but inwardly sigh: they laugh and carol with their mouths, but lament and condole with their hearts. This may you soon perceive by their interchange of discourse. Herach My good Democritus, what is the reason that thou laughest? Democ. Because thou weepest; for what canst thou find in this spacious Theater of the world, which is worthy thy smallest tear? where servants are made Lords, Lords servants; the Master's head is cut off, the servant riseth up, and 〈…〉 into his place wives bewail the funeral of their 〈…〉 tears and offering leap into their graves; and yet before one worm hath entered into the winding sheet or before the flowers are withered wherewith the course was garnished, they entertain new affections and kindles new Herac. These things 〈◊〉 tear from my eyes: but what besides, Democritus? Democ. What besides dost thou ask? Get thee 〈…〉, and thou shall everywhere find the spectacles of derision. This man is honoured in the sight of his Prince; enjoyeth his delights, stretcheth upon beds of ivory, and is 〈◊〉 with honours, as with burden; he seeks nothing, but he acquires it, he 〈…〉, but he obtains it; all men that sees his estate admires him, and esteems him the happiest man upon the earth: in the meanwhile one small cloud obscureth all these false beams in a day, ye in a minute of an hour, his Prime leaveth him, his glory departeth like a dream; and his Atlas who carried such heaps, such mountains of honour upon his shoulders, hath his exit with reproach; hah, hah, hah. Yet no sooner hath this Hero suffered an inrevocable fate; but he is wished alive again by them, who in his life and glory prosecuted him with extremest violence: They hate him alive; lament his dead, and with pious tears desire his restriction: but great idols' heads are sooner taken off, then set on again. In these times it is is more security to be a foot then a wise man; for a wise man's head is a subject for the axe, the fool keeps his upon his shoulders! will you hear more? Herac. Proceed, dear Democritus; these conceits are not more pleasant to thee then my tears ate to me. Democ. Weep child, weep, and that thou mayst seem the more idle in it, see how parents live penuriously that they may make their sons prodigal the sooner; yet how they make themselves debtors to nature that they may riot the more licentiously: walk on, into this most stately City, look about thee, thou shalt see windows opened and painted faces looking out, inviting thee with their looks. Thou shalt find allthings saleable in Troynovant; the dainty dames will untie thy purse strings with a buss: out goes the husband, in comes the friend; hah, hah, hah. Thou shalt find some that resign their offices lest they should lose them; others leaving their nest, that thy and their young may not perish, others that abounded through rapine miserably exhausted; others adorned with others' feathers, that have cast their own. Here thou shalt see Cobblers and hucksters that rise out of old shoes and panniers, beating the Pulpit, and broaching new doctrines, as if they were Regij Professores, and held by the rabble to be most profound Divinity: yea, I cannot wash my hands but methinks I see the soapy effigies of Brunfield in the Basin: nor can I go down into a cellar, but I find the lively statue of Master Abel; yea I cannot, untie my shoe, but I call to mind that patent for Leather and deride it; For men now truly seem turned into trees bringing forth spacious branches, but fruits of vanity: in a word all the world is full of fools, and ridiculous in the eyes of Democritus. Herac. It is a vile disposition to joy in the discommodities of others. Democ. True; but hence it is that I laugh so much, because all things are cumbered with their own discommodity. Herac. In the meanwhile, they become noxious unto them. Democ. And justly, my Heraclitus; for who if he were wise would not forsake an house of clay to come unto an heavenly dominion? But these mad men place their Elysium upon earth, little regarding the future that they may enjoy the present. They demolish, build up, they provide clothes for moths and edifices for the wind. They no sooner perceive the hook of honour, than they greedily swallow it; that sticks in their throats, and they are worthily taken. Nor do these things rage only in greener minds; for although (as says that Sicilian) It is a prodigy for a young man to be old, ridiculous for an old man to be young; yet you may see the hoary Elders of this land, that have a foot in the grave, and by their age should have wisdom, or at the least authority & reverence, plunged into most heinous crimes; so that it may truly be said of them, they grow as old in vices as in years. Herac. You speak strangely. Democ. But very truly of these old dogs. The wolf will sooner change his hair than his heart: the wool will not easily lose its first colour, nor the vessel its first favour. Herac. But my hope is that you will find none in this whole Island so wickedly & wretchedly doting, as to prefer worldly wealth before Elysian happiness. Democ. Go on and proceed my doefull Heraclitus, in your madness, are there not many I pray of that 〈◊〉 opinion that would rather lose their pants in Paradise then in Paris. The judges can witness those venerable and conscript Fathers, who are this very day in trial for their lives. Herac. Alas! The judges. Democ. ay, the judges. Therefore let us both go thither: for we shall there hear many things proportionable to thy tears and convenient for my laughter. Herac. I will go very willingly; where if I hear judgement turned into Whi●●●●ed, I shall with my tears lament those unhappy Fathers; yea I shall transform myself wholly into a Niche. Democ. Go on fool, go; hah, hah, hah. The whole world is diseased; as many Monopolies as inhabitants; hah, hah, hah. Exeunt. Theoc. Let us follow them, Euthymius: There is room for good store of company. Euthym. I scare, Theocritus that we shall not be admitted, because we are no members of that Honourable Assembly. Theoc. Let not that trouble you, there is none that hath good locks and good clothes, but he shall have entrance I warrant you; but who are these? Enter Aegon, and Althaea. Euthym. They seem to be of the Country by their simple discourse. just us listen to them; for I suspect but little cunning in their coats, they will talk much about matters of State, and their rudeness will procure us good sport. Aegon. News Althaea, I have a whole dicker of news for thee. Alth. What is that my small friend. Aegon. I will tell thee a secret, my honey: we shall have a triennial Parliament, every year. Alth. What is that triennial? Doth it belong to the keeping of sheep or goats, stopping of gaps, or greasing of sheep tell me pray? Aegon. Let that suffice, love, that we shall have this good triennial. As for my part I must needs confess, I know not whether triennial be man or woman. But this I know, that for the report of it in the country, we past all the night in making bonfires and playing the good fellow. Alth. Fie, fie: That Word doth very much trouble me. This husband of mine, being sometime an University man, and now a Grazier, promised that he would perform his good will to me every third year, and I kindly gave him thanks, not knowing that he would do it but once every third year. Aegon. I am old, what canst thou look for from me? But come let us go near the Parliament door, for there are great businesses today concerning the judges. Alth. What shall they be hanged. Aegon. I know not, but they are in such danger, that as they say their breeches make buttons. Alth. What shall we do there? such matters are not fit for us; they are too high for our simple capacities. Aegon. Let us go however; if we hear nothing, we'll devise something, to make them wonder at in the Country. Exeunt. Theoc. Let us be as desirous to hear, since all flock thither let us hasten and join ourselves to their company. A common evil should be heard with common indignation. Euthym. Go on we willingly will bestow the pains. The second Act. The door being opened, the Curtain drawn, Euchrifin Clerk of the Court brings out the brakes; calleth the judge by name, readeth their indictments; after which Primiachus Cambrensis and Manilius, by turns; object unto them; to whom the judges in like manner make their Answer. Enter the Ghost of Coriolanus without an head. O Let Astrea still bear sway In this high Court. Thus doth he pray. Who here once got the laurel wreath Now cut off by untimely death. Give justice not forgetting grace be not too mild, nor to severe; Those that deserves a judge's place, Know how to punish and to spare Oil is not still to be infused In green wounds Balsum's to be used. Let King, and Kingdom still aspire This Coriolanus doth desire. From whom the people's direful rage Nor the black rod, the axe, the stage Of blood, nor the grime face of death Could ever draw one panting breath. See how he lives in's funeral More happy in a wretched fall; For now he reigns beyond the sky with Demigods in company. "Farewell all that earth ere gave " Death is my gain, my rest the grave. Exit. Chor. What prodigies appears within this place; Yet full of pious admonitions. which with on voice, one vote, one hand, one motion We all will execute— but these things pass from whence they came— you officers proceed. Euch. Ho, Roderigo, bring for your prisoners Rod. Who shall be brought first? Primach. Let them be brought in order, as they gave in their answers. Ignorance of order confoundeth the form of justice. wherefore let us first begin with the first; proceeding from the junior to the senior judges as they have particularly offended, let them particularly receive their trial. They shall find us far more attentive and upright judges, than they have showed themselves in the case of shipping. Euchris. Porter bring Claudius to the bar, hold up your hand Claudius: Thou art indicted by the name of Claudius, that in Hilary term 1637. Contrary so the peace of the common wealth, the liberty of the subject, and the testimony of thy own conscience, not having God before thine eyes, thou didst Traitorously, Maliciously and wickedly, give sentence for ship-money without evident necessity, due and payable to the King, in whose power it was solely to Judge of his necessity. Speak Claudius, art thou guilty of the crime for which thou standest indicted. Clau. I confess I have been somewhat erroneous in mine office; but all men know I have continued in it but a short time: wherefore as my impeachments are the fewer, so I hope your censure will be the more propitious. Cambr. This conduceth little to your defence; for if you had been in it longer, and governed that seat it is probable, your offences had been multiplied, it was your general crime, and you must expect a general punishment. Democ. Ho, Chacon hire the servants; thou wilt have work sufficient; here is a press of fat judges coming; hah, hah, hah. Clerk. Claudius stand aside Roder, bring Cratippus to the bar: hold up thy hand Cratippus: Thou art indicted by the name of Cratippus, that in Hillary Term 1637. thou didst contrary to the peace of the commonweal, the liberty of the subject, and the testimony of thine own conscience, traitorously, maliciously, and wickedly give sentence for ship-money, due and payable to the King without evident necessity, whereof the King hath had power solely to judge, speak Cratippus art thou guilty of the crime for which thou art indicted. Democ. Hoe has an ox in's mouth, as says the Proverb, or a cup in his throat, he cannot speak a word. Manil. O Cratippus, break not thy silence, hold thy peace desist and blush. Nor would any thing have become you better if you had done so always: but a pious blush is an unwonted punishment for such offenders, we have heard that you were ever addicted to sordid lucre, pinching yourself to augment you gain. No unjust occasion of getting could pass you, wherefore there is no reason you should pass unpunished. For whom have you in this company, whom in this honoured round that will rise up in your defence and vindicate your unjustice? on or none, you had one but much unlike you, your brother Hortensius, who religiously sat with you on the same bench, but differed from your affections; for his opinion in this case of shipmoney was consonant to Curvus, Acililius. These two respected not Writs of ease, nor the thundering threats of that fugitive Chrysomitris, they preferred the odour of a good name before titles of honour, which glory of fame he that neglecteth, is most cruel: wherefore although Hortensius be now dead, he hath left such a memory to posterity, that monuments of marble, brass, and Ivory will sooner decay than his renown amongst his Countrymen. Cratip. I deny not but that I am guilty, and desire the favour of this high Court; otherwise as our sentence was alike, let one boat carry us away together: I would speak more, but am hindered with the quinsy. Democ. In reason they should possess all Anticyra, our Ancestors judged a little house to be a commonweal, but these have contracted the whole commonweal into their own house, yea a little corner of their house. Herac. O the deplorable misery of wretched man! Democ. These things deserve not a tear; I willingly permit them to be mad: for see how deservedly Cratippus is punished; he hath sold his tongue so long for money, that he hath not enough left to ask pardon for his life; hah, hah, hah. Clerk. Call Corticeus to the bar: hold up thy hand Corticeus, thou art indicted by the name of Corticeus, for that in Hilary Term, Anno Dom. 1637. thou didst contrary to the peace of the Commonweal, the liberty of the subject, and the testimony of thine own conscience, not having God before thine eyes, traitorously, maliciously, and wickedly given sentence for shipmoney to be paid unto the King without evident necessity, whereof he had sole power to judge; speak Corticeus, art thou guilty of what thou standest indicted. Cortic. Not guilty. Clerk. Thou art found guilty, help thee God. Camb. we have much to say unto you Corticeus: you have eloquence sufficient, but wisdom too little. There was no man more readier to speak law, yea to wrest it, and like a nose of wax compose it to any form. But what avail these natural parts, this happiness of wit and genius? It is difficult to swim at first without help: you began to fly abroad like an unfledged Lapwing with your shell upon your head, In your Circuit especially in the duchy of Lancaster, at which time that worthy Gentleman Master Farringdon was Sheriff, you exercised your tyranny, showing, your loftiness in all places, to your no small hatred for other sins wait upon evil works that they may be done: but pride waiteth on good works that they perish. He that flowed with a thousand virtues, lost his happiness through arrogance, other vices by the presence of God, only Pride opposeth itself against him. Yea, with what audaciousness and insolence did you maintain this exploded case of shipmoney, as if you only had the Monopoly of wit and reason? wherefore as every one shows himself more obstinate in a crime, the more severely is he to be censured. If Schism deserve punishment, Heresy merits hell. Cortic. I call Heaven to witness, I should have lived and died in that opinion were I not contradicted by the Authority of this grave consistory, for we read so many books, collections, statutes and Annals that if we were licenced to argue, we could support this our opinion with good reasons and conclusions. Camb. Give place; we have already examined your reasons and arguments. Democ. Of what use I marvel, is eloquence, when a man shall end his life in a string? Clar. Ho Porter, where is Vigetius? Rod. We have no such man. Prim. But such an one we had, who easily assenting to his brother Corticeus' opinion, never did stick unto him in any thing, but in this sentence of shipmoney. He always feigned himself not well if he were to make an argument. And when he entered into it (having lost his reasons very happily in the street) no man ever offended with greater brevity: and in this only he hath shown himself wise, that he hath prevented our censure by death. Wherefore it may be said Vigetius his Ghost with a weak gesture appeareth and vanisheth. of him that he was once Green, and Flourished, he was descended from an ancient house, and for this was to be commended that he sought rather to keep his ancient Patrimony then to increase it. Democ. Many men show themselves wiser by dying then by living: hah, hah, hah. Clerk. In peace let him go: bring Trivius to the bar, hold up your hand: Trivius, Thou art indicted by the name of Trivius, that in Michaelmas Term 1638. thou didst contrary to the peace of the Commonweal, the liberty of the subject, and the testimony of thine own conscience, not having the fear of God before thy eyes, traitorously, maliciously, and wickedly give sentence for Ship-money payable to the King without evident necessity, whereof he himself was the sole judge. Speak Trivius, art thou guilty of the crime for which thou standest indicted? Manil. Why are you silent, will you be pressed? Democ. He hath pressed many a rich widow, what if he be now pressed himself: hah, hah, hah. Trivi. I have little for the present to say in my defence. Manil. Nor ever will you have more; be silent and hear: This is a man whom no Lawyer exceeded in riches, yet none is more ignorant in the laws; he is brought at last into public, to make himself a Synonoma to his name. For although there is no contending with Ghosts, yet we determine to portrait this snake, and delineate this prodigy of men in his right colours, and with such brevity as may be least irksome to the hearers. Democ. Let us stand up and see their painted Gorgon's head. Man. This Trivius a true trivial Trivius, a man satiated with widows, but widowed of goodness, of of a strong & sinewy body rather than a witty and ingenuous heart, having good success in his suits sucked more marrow from other men's relics, then ever he received by the poor practice of his profession. He speaks much with little discretion, and having his brains in his tongue, will utter an ocean of words without the least drop of reason. Trib. You have painted me to an hair, worthy Manilius, I confess I am altogether ignorant of the laws, and as blind men are wont to do, I easily subscribed to the opinion and judgement of my brothers: wherefore my ignorance desires pardon, and cries that you should spare him whom God will spare as being an INNOCENT. Manil. You devised a readier answer for me Trivius than any defence for yourself: ignorance excuseth a tanto, not a toto: you had a good example before, namely Antrivius deceased, & sleeping in peace, who as his pen witnesses being sick on his bed, would assent to no such opinion. But you adoring your money not only in the Image, but in the rust; preferred your dross before your peace of conscience, wherefore as you have milked your widows, so let the exchequer milk you of all that you have. Democ. Very good! the Goat must now be milked. This Ignoramus pays the price of his Ignorance, one day takes away what many years have gathered; and the exchequer drains the fortunes of so many wives, hah, hah, hah. Herac. Human affairs never succeed well where divine service is neglected. Clerk. Let Trivius be taken away and kept close prisoner, lest he escape; and Roderigo keep your hand close, lest by his stolen merchandise he procure his liberty. Prim. To speak of you most honoured Curvus Acilius, your constancy and integrity hath with a beam of the Sun described you a father of your country, the star of the Court, and a true Son of justice, and have left you a memory to posterity which shall never be extinguished by the injury of time or forgetfulness: for you have utterly conquered all envy, and in this last date of your age have erected a statue in the Courts of the living, whereunto no better Epitaph can be added, then Sacred to the memory of Curvus Acilius. Democ. O how much doth this Trivius differ from Acilius? the one as he singularly knew the laws, so he rightly dispensed them, the other neither dispensed them nor knew them. Herac. In this negligent and reckless age, vices like grass in pits are wont to spring out men's laziness from whence we find it true, that evils are much more incurable in the old then in the young. Democ. Yet if old men would more diligently measure their hour as much as they are nearer death, they should live more uprightly. But now there is such corruption of life, that men do never more love the earth, then when thy should leave it; never less regard heaven, then when they should go thither: Hold my sides lest I burst with laughter, young men grow old, and old men young; hah, hah, hah. Clerk. Bring forth joachimus. Rod. He is departed his own prison before he was committed to our custody. Camb. He is dead, and is beholding unto death; for although he were a very subtle Lawyer, in his cunning and intricate arguments, and showed himself a true Tytides, who wavering joachimus' Ghost wavering with dreadful motion appeareth, and vanisheth .this way and that, doubted whether to join with Hector or Achilles, saying, whom to fly I know, whom to follow I know not; yet the more severely was he to be punished because he was so industrious to dissemble and corrupt the truth. Democ. But the fates have taken him out of your hands; and by dying in time he prevented an untimely death. Clerk. Bring forth Hortensius. Rod. He was never committed to our custody. Manil. Thou sayst true, Roderigo, he was a man of such unstained life, that he showed himself truly worthy both in life and death: wherefore the memory of so his just and upright Hortensius' Ghost with an amiable countenance appeareth & vanisheth .a man is to be lamented with perpetual Elegy: for he deservedly got the name of an honest judge and a poor student: in which title he might glory more than in the Empire of the World.— He Conquered envy by his virtues, and won honour in his death. Herac. With what pious sentences are good men's tombs to be engraven? Democ. From hence proceed those Adages. Every evil man is a fool, no evil man is happy. A wise man is everywhere at home: none but a fool can be banished. Herac, He truly traveleth from home, my Democ. who enjoyeth not himself. Manil. Let him depart, and serve for a good example. Clerk. Call forth Antrivius. Rodo. He was called forth long since. Clerk. Where appeared he? Antrivius his ghost with a lovely countenance appeareth and vanisheth. Rodo. Where he arrived, he is far enough free from our our hands or manacles. Prim. By what authority? Rodo. By the command of a crabbed and imperious noble man, who having waited a while at the prison door, swore he would enter, or break off the hinges. He was of so fierce and terrible aspect, that I gave him way for fear; and as soon as I delivered my prisoner, he caught him by the hair and vanished Camb. No man can resist an inevitable fate. But if that man had lived unto these days, his sentence had been so upright in this dispute, that he had been freed and made an happy end of his long-wearied age. Let him sleep in peace, as he flourished in the light; and the more he flourished for being the less contentious in his cases. Democ. 'tis best to speak well of the dead; but if he had not been so sickly of body, perchance he had not been so sound in mind. Herac. You say true Democritus; for sickness afflicteth the body, but cureth the soul. Democ. What mad men are those in the meanwhile, who being healthy in body, are diseased in their mind? Clerk. Sergeant, bring Damocles to the bar, hold up your hand: Damocles, Thou art indicted by the name of Damocles that in Hilary Term 1638. thou didst contrary to the peace of the Commonweal, the liberty of the subject, and the testimony of thine own conscience, not having the fear of God before thy eyes, traitorously, maliciously, and wickedly give sentence for Ship-money payable to the King, without evident necessity, whereof he himself was the sole judge. Speak Damocles, art thou guilty of the crime for which thou art indicted. Dam. I confess I am not altogether guilty nor innocent: for he that will exactly scan over my arguments: he shall find me disagreeing from the opinion of my brothers: for I did not positively say that such a revenue was due; wherefore as our sentence was more moderate, so I hope your censure will be more mild. Our arguments were defended and maimed by divers good circumstances. Let it be your goodness to favour my age, which long since had a discharge, and is now miserably tired with cares and sorrows. Prim. O Damocles, you cannot so escape; notwithstanding your condition is deplorable: for in many causes you have got a good report: you never sold your breath, and if your client's cause were good and honest, you constantly pleaded it; yea, as we are informed, you have little at home, but wants and debts abroad; from whence we esteem your poverty, your justice, these things may perchance procure your mitigation, but no absolute freedom. Herac. O poor judge, will not thine indignity get thee off? Democ. Hold your peace; this fool deserves the greatest punishment of all; for having flourished so many years amongst us, & having so many occasions of gain as baits hanging before him, like an ill cook, he could not so much as lick his fingers; hah, hah, hah. Camb. we have sufficiently scoured this Lernaean lake, let us now proceed unto other ranks; and I fear we shall find as many snakes in other dens. But that we may the better cleanse these Augean stables, and there may be no room for impudence or ignorance: as for Gliciscus, who held the place of a cipher having little learning and less law, as he was clock keeper to the judges, so we doom him to the keeping of a clockhouse. He hath little understanding, & therefore should the more gently be dealt withal. Democ With what an ass's ear he hearkens to it. Clerk. Does it please you that we shall proceed unto others? Prim. By all means, that they may be joined in their punishment, as they were linked together in the crime. Clerk. Ho, sir Knight of the black rod, bring forth Chrysomitris. Rodo. He hath made an escape. Manil. whither I pray? Rodo. He is fled into another Country, and hath left his nest lest he should be taken in it; and ever since that time they say he hath rousted in France. Manil. O what madness possessed him, how lively doth that saving point out Chrysomitris, that evil counsel is still worse to the Counsellor. Rodo. Leaving now his consultar dignity it is said he followeth the wars, and that lately upon an injury offered him he disarmed his enemy, showing himself as able a soldier as an eloquent Rhetorician. Camb. How many excellent gifts hath nature bestowed on him; which if they had been seasoned with humility and grace, they had made him completely famous. But to proud men no burden is more dangerous than honour: they so easily change their conditions, that they will not know their friends and acquaintance. These tumors of the world prick on their minds with such a strange kind of fury, that they make themselves hated by their familiars and others: wherefore an office is best acquired by a Magistrate; nor is it better bestowed on any then on him who seeks it not at all, or very coldly. This he well advised who said: let it be given to him that denies it, and denied to him that excepts it. But long let this Chrysomitris nest in a foreign nation before he be recalled. We have enough of such saluters already: we have too tenderly cherished such ominous birds; let them leave our coasts and return no more lest they destroy the mother that nourished them. But that we may comprise all in one, and never did any man show himself more ingrateful than this Chrysomitris. For notwithstanding his infinite engagements, he imputed his crimes unto his Prince; whereas a constant and resolute mind would sooner endured a thousand deaths, yea (like that heroic spirit that lately suffered) would with a cheerful look retort the threats of inexorable fate, then cast the least aspersion upon a Prince so well deserving. But let him pass with his eloquence, than whom never was Judge more unjust, never a Lord keeper more corrupt nor more poor, no solicitor more impure and more importunate: In the meanwhile lest we be reckoned in their number who have eloquent tongues, but corrupt hearts, let us discourse of every thing propounded unto us not so curiously as faithfully and discreetly, not so exactly as justly and rightfully. Democ. O miserable happiness! splendid servitude! he hath lost his fame, fortune, voice, countenance, nest and nation in the twinkling of an eye. Herac. O the snowy balls of honour, apt to be resolved with the least intemperate heat of mind. But what is he who walketh with such stately and haughty gesture? Democ. He is one that had an excellent opinion in the commonweal before had his office; but when he had gotten it no man more unhappily lost it. His advancement so much changed his disposition. In sum he was a good Lawer, a bad Judge. Clerk. Call Brundusius to the bar. Hold up thy hand Brundusius, Thou art indicted by the name of Brundusius, that in Trinity Term. 1638. Thou didst against the peace of the common weal, the liberty of the Subject, and the testimony of thine own conscience: not having God before thine eyes traitorously, and wickedly given sentence for ship-money, to be paid to our Lord the King, without evident necessity, whereof it was in his sole power to judge. Speak Brundusius art thou guilty of the crime whereof thou art indicted. Prim. Master Speaker I pray give me leave a little, for this Brundunsius is more strictly to be handled. This I will confidently aver, that no man hath deserved worse, of the Commonweal: when all men esteemed him the main defender of justice, he expressed himself her most vowed enemy, to the reproach of his name, and corruption of his conscience. He saw and fell with open eyes: he knew the right and did the wrong; and therefore his ruin is deserved. For if he had been ignorant of the laws, as Trivius, he might have had some colour of excuse, but to give sentence against the most certain rule, of his own knowledge, O prodigy! Brund. I ingeniously confess, and no less desire best of favour, that partly by the threats, partly by the flatteries of Chrisomitris, I gave that unheard of sentence of ship-money. For Chrysomitris, who as you know had a most fortunate art in the way of persuasion, told me that unless I gave that judgement for the King, I should lose mine honour: and suffer a writ of Ease to my extreme disgrace. Prim. O the follies of aged avarice! Should you prefer Writs of ease before ease of Conscience? should you be the more prone, unto the earth, by how much you are nearer to your ends? to have one foot in the grave, and a mind coveting the world? O if you would consider how little would suffice nature, & of that little, how small a portion would content old age, your care for earthly things would be abated, and your desires would be wholly fixed upon heaven, for you who were so eminent in the studies of the Law, are most severely to be punished, especially having so clear, so excellent a mirror as Curvus Acilius, a man of extreme age, but a vigorous mind, an inviolate conscience. Him you had for an example; but (although your steps were Curva vestigia) refusing to follow Curvus, you have turned the right into oblique, you know you well knew (to the aggravation of your censure, those golden sentences of Periander, most worthy your memory, that nothing must be done for money's sake, and that favour is an enemy to judgement. For judgement faileth where it becomes matter of affection. Too much love and too much hatred pervert the truth. Nor did joachimus lately deceased deserve any less; but by paying his debt to nature, the destinies have made him their perpetual debtor. For though he were intrical and knotty in his arguments, yet this Oedipus with his riddles, the Fates had not prevented, had involved himself in a Gregorian knot. Democ. Its shameful for an old man to play the knave, hah, hah, hah. Herac. And this for the most part happens when old men place their happiness upon earth. Prim. But let us withdraw, that with more mature counsel we may proportion our sentence to every man's offence. Exeunt. Enter Arietus and Priscilla, Citizens of Smyrna. Herac. Whether flock these press of women? Democ. Thou mayst easily conjecture by their habits: they are citizens wives, delicate ducks, who come hither to hear judgement passed upon the judges. Herac. Alas can their tender ears hear these things without tears. Democ. Think you all are composed of your tenderness? you are far out; these are women of a more courageous spirit: For they can with dry eyes or at lest counterfeitly wet, bid farewell to their husbands journeying to the nether world; yea they can see them laid in their graves with a sour look, but a merry heart, and before the funeral tapers are extinguished, entertain new fires in their minds. Herac. But I wonder why they they come here more this day then on any other. Democ. Know you not the cause? the former were days of examination, but this of final judgement, & you know women do always love execution more than judgement. Prisc. I will go in, for if Capreolus the Courtier sit in the house I am certain he will soon give me entrance as I have often given unto him. Ariet. Pish, pish, my little mouse, my honey, what wilt thou do in the Court. Prisc. What will I do in the Court? hold you peace Arietus, hold your peace Cornelius: you and I are not friends if I have not not a standing in the Court. Ariet. In good troth you shall not have a standing with the Courtier in his own place. Prisc. But I have had and will have, my small friend if you anger me. Ariet. God forbid my coney, that such a blot should be cast upon my family, such a mark upon my forehead. Prisc. Why so? do you think yourself the first man of the row. Ariet. By no means, yet I would not willingly wear my nightcap after the new city fashion, with broad ears, nor sleep with my pillow stuffed with shavings of horn. Prisc. Let not this trouble you, you may sooner foresee your fortune then prevent it, if such ensigns be your destiny, withstand it not; it is vain to strive against your destiny. Ariet. O headstrong licentiousness! am not I descended of the Arietarian stock, the most ancient Cornelian family of the city? Prisc. What then, there is no family so worshipful but it is subject to this fate. But I pray what avail these trifles? ho, Titillus, Titillus. Ariet. What would you have with Titillus, that lascivious Courtier. Prisc. That I may have entrance the sooner. Ariet. It will be hardly granted, in these public assemblies there is no place for women. Prisc. Why not for women? as if we were not capable enough! they shall find, yea they know that we are capable. I will get up where I may better see and hear. Ariet. What wouldest thou see and hear? whether my coney doth thy mind carry thee? Prisc. I greatly desire to see the judges, for they say (and I would know the truth) that they have no more beard upon their chins, than an ape hath tail. Ariet. They will appear subtle enough without hair: but they are shaven that they may seem the more terrible in their places. Prisc. I like these young men with soft downy chins. I love not these old men whose hair is like prickly bristles, what are these. Ariet. The judges whom thou so much longest to see. Prisc. Alas what cold husbands would they make, they have perpetual I sickles upon their beards. Areit. Hold thy peace my Leveret; since thou art come hither and gotten into a place, hear what will become of them. Prisc. Let them be hanged, it shall never trouble me. I scarcely think they are of the masculine gender. They are neutrals, traitorous beasts, enemies of generation. Let them perish with their judgements. Ariet. Holy my sweet duck, lest thou be noted. Prisc. Pish, they are blind and deaf, and can neither see nor hear me, they. Act the third. The Curtain drawn, enter the Chosen Speakers the judges, Euchrisis, Clerk of the Court, Roderigo, Sergeant. Clerk. Ho, Rodorigo, bring forth your Prisoners. Democ. What ague fits they have gotten, hah, hah, hah. Manil. Stand forth, stand forth, Sir judges of a miserable condition. You have not denied but that you are guilty of the crime for which you are indicted; Nor can you produce any defence of your desperate cause, which is worthy our hearing: you know, you well know that a judge is to be judged in none of those things, which he is provided to judge in another. In which, I say, how wretchedly have you erred? For you were judges, & censurers of the self same crime, whereof you were the Authors. For a judge to take a bribe, was a capital thing; But if so great & so heavy a sentence was pronounced for one fault, & that extending but to a particular subject, what punishment must be inflicted on them, who have been so injurious to the subjects, of a whole flourishing Island; by making the Prince suspicious of his subjects: the Subjects of their Prince; by declaring new opinions against the evident testimonies of their consciences; by perturbing the Halcyon days of a peaceful king, & an obedient state; yea by bringing all according to their power, into flames and ashes; If such a fire whereof you were the true incendiaries, do not deserve death, what it better deserveth I cannot tell. The law was first ordained to be a public benefit; but by you it is made the very plague of the common weal; You have all very well acted the part of Midas: Being Commissaries of trust between Prince & people, which you should not violate for threatenings, friends, entreaties nor rewards; you being enticed by the bail of avarice, or strucken with a Panic fear, have left justice naked; & wretchedly neglected your consciences, which testified against you. And so through lucre or terror, being blinded in your understanding, you have provided yourselves true ministers of Midas. Omnes. Mercy, mercy, most renowned Gentlemen? Dem. hay day, they are enforced to use their neck verse which the so often put others unto: Lord have mercy upon you. Manil. With the same measure that you measure to others shall it be measured to you again. Herac. Alas they will not have the least hope, if they have the same recompense of measure. Manil. Observe & hear what I shall say: I believe that in leisure hours, you have read how the Germans having been rather conquered then subject by their good leading of Drusus, as soon as he was dead, trusting upon their strength began to hate the lust & insolence of varus Quinctilius, and how easily they became victors. Which short conflict being ended, like Barbarians as they were, they showed themselves most savage, & tyrannous conquerors: Nor in that extreme cruelty, did they show themselves more implacable towards any condition, then to men of the consular dignity, thinking that through their eloquent & vendible tongues, the Romans had first beleagued them, & brought them to that calamity. Varus prosecutes them with the same mind & fate of Paulus at Cannae, never was greater slaughter in fields & woods, never more intolerable insultation, but especially towards those that pleaded causes. Some of their eyes pulled out, others hands cut off, one's mouth they sewed up, first cutting out his tongue, which a Barbarian holding in his hand said, at length; viper desist from hissing, you should likewise call to mind Manius Acilius; that unsatisfied gulf of bribery, & principal Ambassador of the Romans, whom Mithridates with great contempt, compelled to ride upon an ass, until he came unto Pergamus, where he commanded elixir of gold to be thrust into his mouth, intimating that the Romans were too much given to briberies, & had tongues, too eloquent in evil speaking. Alexander Severus the greatest enemy of flatterers, commanded that Turinus one of his courtiers; should be tied to a stake in the market place, and smothered to death with smoke, having a crier proclaiming by him. Let him perish with smoke, that sold smoke: For it is better (to use Antisthenes' words) to fall amongst crows, than Parasites; amongst crows to be devoured dead, then amongst Parasites to be devoured living. Therefore it will be an argument of wisdom, for us to deal with you, who hath brought such plagues upon the commonweal, & disturbed our peace by your slanderous judgements, as Philip King of Macedon, did with two of his subjects, men of vile conditions; he commanded one to fly from Macedon, & the other to follow him, which being done, his country was purged of such noxious sycophants: both departed but neither of them returned. Brun. It is the part of goodness, to save when it may destroy, rather than to destroy when it might have spared. Manil. He that spareth the evil, hurteth the good: listen now to your utmost sentence. As you have made the laws like spiders webs, & have tossed this commonweal like a poor bark, with the storms & winds of your opinions, you shall have no residence within this Island: get you therefore packing. For this is your definitive censure to those fortunate Lands, which are called the Irish sands. For there if you are poisonous you cannot live long but if you resolve to change your conditions as well as your hair, you shall in those Lands have a temperate air, and so wholesome for your bodies, that you will scarcely die, unless the world be so loathsome to you, or you unto the world! that you would wish rather to die then live, yea you shall have so much time given you through the temperateness of the air, that your ensuing hours may redeem, what you have formerly spent amiss. This sentence is irrevocable; make no delays, we have provided you a ship but without cable, stern, sail yard or anchors, the (fatal semblance of your government,) to be known by these characters. The Parliament censure, the boat of Charon. Judges. It is as evil to sail in old age, as is in the winter. Prim. There is no punishment grievous where there is so much company. Democ. Soon let them go but never return. Now raise the Court, the old men have their doom Let justice sit here in the judge's room. Act the fourth. Enter a Chorus of common people. Chor. Speak Master Prinner, for your whole flock; for you are the oracle of our conventicle. Democ. Hah, hah, hah, O gregious flock of sheep, a drove of asses.— now hell hath opened his mouth, corn out you generation of vipers. Chor. Speak Master Prinner speak. Prin. Know all men by these presents, dear beloved men and brethren, that of us who maintain the truth compassionate the blindness of the times, burn in zeal of heart, and contend for the reformation of religion, three things are principally required. Democ. What sport will this lunatic corrector of religion, make us? hah, hah, hah. Prin. First that there be no order in the Church: secondly, that all rites ceremonies, priestly garments, Instruments of Music be abolished in the Church. Thirdly, that there be no form of common prayer. Herac. O how these doting fellows, would make the Church to be headless. Democ. Peace, and hear. Lord, with what pricked up ears these round heads harken to their orator Prinner and admire in hearing him. Prin. But if it seem good to your wisdom, that the Church should have such degrees of higher and lower, we will have the Governors to be lay Elders. To which dignity, we think none more fit, nor generally able to be chosen, than our venerable brethren, the cobbler, the basket maker; and button maker, (whom although that Demicaster maker in Greens rents contended with, yet he easily excelled in efficacy of doctrine and won the victory) being men of mean learning, but wonderfully inspired. But chiefly we will, that you command Francis Helioke, henceforth to distinguish that Apocryphal name of Bishop, with an asterisk, amongst the obsolete words to perpetual remembrance. But as for the first Article of our complaint; as we would have no order in the church, so (to come unto the 2. we abhor all rites and ceremonies; because whatsoever is ancient we judge to be untrue, we disallow Priestly ornaments as well in the Presbytery, as lawn sleeves in a Bishop; we esteem the surplice as the smock of the whore of Babylon, and the cope as Egyptian embroidery: These Idolatrous Priests in their linen appear to us like Ghosts coming out of a Church yard. As for instruments of music we esteem them as profane Babalonish tabers, yea we cannot truly love our own members because they are called organs. Democ. These fellows should rather be sent to Bridewell, than the reformation of Religion. Prin. As for the third article of our complaint: we will have no form of common prayer: no not the Lords Prayer; for it shows a diffidence of the Spirit: wherefore we neither will have praying nor preaching Ministers to be provided, but to speak extempore, that they may express the efficacy of the spirit: turner's Creed and his gloss concerning the communion of the Saints, we very well approve: and to comprehend all in general. Whatsoever is new so it be ours we like, whatsoever is ancient though it be confirmed by a thousand counsels we reject. Perdic. Hear ye mad men, that old but fatal Rhyme which we once heard in Britanny. Tack tent to my saw my sons three Rob. Will. and Dave. Keep well your Pater and your Ave And if you you mind your father's reed Stand close to your old Creed. But for my daughter Gillion, I would she were well bolted with a bridle That leaves her work to play the clerk And lets her wheel stand Idle. For it saws not for she ministers Farriers nor furriers To descant on the Bible. Chorus. Parle we have heard your complaints, men and brethren with that greater attention, than they have demerited. As for Bishops we have left them but a dead and naked name, but we thought it fitter to cut off their vices then their offices. Desist at length from your dotages; whatsoever may commodiously be done, & may be convenient to the peace of the Church; that you must especially provide for. If not the beams or at least the motes must be removed from your darkened eyes. They have no charity in them, who love not the unanimity of the Church; go, get you home, and follow your business. Let it be our parts to take care for the common good of our Prince, people and Country. Exeunt. FINIS. Epilogus. IT is determined by the aediles the Mistress of public Plays, that the next day (by jove's permission) the fift Act shall be acted upon Tiber, I should say Tyburn, by a new society of Abalmites. Vive le Roi.