THE LORD GEORGE Digby's apology FOR himself, Published the fourth of January, Anno Dom. 1642.  
Printed at Oxford, M. DC. XLII.   

The Lord George Digby's apology for himself, published the fourth of January, Anno Dom. 1642,  
IT may be wondered at, that, after well nigh a years groaning under the most insupportable burden of public displeasure, and censure' I should now consider myself so much, as, in a general calamity, to make an apology to the world; or should hope, that at a time when so great clouds of jealousy, and disesteem hang over persons of the most clear, and unblemished reputations, any thing I can say may reconcile me to those affections▪ which have been transported with so much violence to my prejudice. But whosoever knoweth me well, and the great trouble of mind I endured when I found myself (by what demerit, God is my judge, I cannot guess) fallen from that proportion of esteem with my country (of which I was prouder than I can be of any worldly preferment) into so eminent a degree of disfavour with the representative body thereof (upon whose wisdom and Authority no man hath looked with more reverence, and veneration) that I was marked out as an enemy to the Common-wealth, I am sure cannot but expect from me some discovery of that sense, and that I should, at least endeavour to distinguish my misfortunes from my faults, whereby such, who are not engaged in a peremptory uncharitableness, may find cause to change the Opinion they have taken upon trust of me.  
Nor am I out of hope, that the experience men have since had of the times inclination to calumny, by the declining of so many persons of Honour, and integrity in the popular estimation, may at the last, open a way to so much justice and ingenuity on my behalf, that all men may discern in their own right, that if they shall so credulously consent, upon general discourses, to sacrifice a third man's honour, and reputation, they shall open a door to let in ruin to themselves, and may quickly lose the advantage of their own innocence.  
I shall begin my unfortunate story from the beginning of this Parliament; reflecting no further back upon the precedent, then in a remembrance of the great comfort I then received in my country's acceptation of my first attempts in its service, at a time, as some were pleased to express it, when the Court was at the highest, whether to work upon men's, ambitions, or fears. Before that time I am sure I was as unacquainted with Action, as with envy, having kept more company with books, then with men; and being so well content with that society, that I had as little ambition, as merit to improve my condition. To this Parliament I was sent on the behalf of the country wherein I lived, and truly, if I brought any passion or affection thither with me, it was my former warmth improved against those pressures, and the persons who begot those pressures, which were grievous to the people: and against these I will without vanity say, that I brought as great a resolution to discharge my conscience, and my duty, as any man in that Assembly, and had the happiness for some months, to receive that testimony. My conversation was, and I made or endeavoured to make my friendships, with those, whose experience, and abilities, were most eminent for the public service, and to the reputation, and authority of these men, I confess, for a while, I gave myself up with as much submission, as a man could, without resigning the use of his own understanding. In any thing that was necessary, or but probably pretended to be necessary for the commonwealth, we never differed in the least degree; but in improvements, in real alterations, which were to be governed by prudential motives, we were not always of one mind. And whosoever remembreth the passages of that time, must call to mind, that the first declination I suffered from the interest I seemed to have, was in the business of the Church: in which, having had frequent consultations with the chiefest agents for a reformation, and finding no three men to agree upon what they would have in the place of that they all resolved to remove, I agreed not with the prevailing sense, having not hardiness enough to incline to a mutation, which would evidently have so great an influence upon the peace, prosperity, and interest of the whole kingdom. And thus, from the first debate of Episcopacy, upon the London Petition, all men observed the date of my unmerited favour began to expire. Then came on the trial of the Earl of Sirafford, in the which I must say, I failed not of my duty in proving the charge and evidence, before those who were to judge of both. In the discharging of that duty, it was my fortune, by the unlucky acception of some expressions of mine, to draw upon me a sharp malignity from some persons of much interest in the House, which never failed to manifest itself, after that accident, upon every the least occasion.  
About this time, I was told by a Friend, that I lost much of my credit by being observed to be so much at Court; I replied, that I had not then the same justice with other men, who were there more than I, though they avowed it less; that it was a principal joy to me, to see those persons, who had been the prime actors in the happy Reformation of this Parliament, so acceptable at Court, and likely to have so great a share in the chief places there, and the conduct of affairs for the future. That since it had pleased His Majesty to give so plenary a redress to all the grievances of His Subjects, and to secure them for ever from the like invasions, by such a wall of brass as the triennial Bill, I conceived that thence forward, there was no more to be thought on, but how in a grateful return to His Majesty, to advance His Honour, and Plenty, according as before such happy settlements, I had often heard those principal intendents of the public good most solemnly profess, and consequently, that the Court, and country were, in truth, now to be all of a piece, and there would hereafter be no more cause of jealousy between them: Lastly, that, howsoever, I thought myself as likely to do good there, as to receive hurt.  
The first evidence I had of the disfavour of the House of Commons, (where I had served with all faithfulness, diligence, and humility,) was upon the printing of my Speech to the Bill of Attainder of the Earl of Strafford. As for the Good-Fridayes exercise which the delivery of it in the House procured me, I reputed that a most comfortable and eminent testimony of the continuance still of much justice and favour towards me in that Honourable House; since, after a dozen distinct charges upon the several passages of that Speech, urged against me with great strictness and acrimony, by that number of the most eminent persons there, both in abilities and interests, and at a time when certainly most men of my opinion were at their Devotions, they were not able after four hours' debate to expose me, either upon the main matter, or upon the buy, unto the least reprehension.  
For the thing itself, I will say no more of it, but that it happened to be upon a very unpopular argument; but the cause and circumstance of the printing it, was this:  
I did not find only that it was unfaithfully reported, and uncharitably interpreted, but was informed, that Copies went abroad of it so falsely, and maliciously collected, as made the whole Speech a justification of my Lord of Stafford's innocence; and Sir Lewis Dives having heard of such a Copy in the house of a Citizen of good quality, where he heard me mentioned as a person fit to have his name fixed upon posts, that I might be torn in pieces by the people; upon that Reason earnestly desired me to give him a true Copy of what I had said in that Argument, which I did, and he forthwith gave direction for the Printing it, without any privity of mine. Yet, if I had consented to it, and directed it, I profess, I should little have imagined, that (at a time when there was such an universal licence taken to Print every thing, of how great irreverence soever,) either to Church or State, with impunity, a Speech made in the House of Commons, a Speech so narrowly, and severely sifted, and examined there, and yet let pass without the least censure, either on the Speech itself, or the Author; that the Printing of such a Speech should rise to so high a nature, as to make me for ever uncapable of any Honour or Employment in the commonwealth; I profess could hardly have fall'n within my Reason or fears to suspect. And yet 3 months after the fact committed, after the Printing of an 100 Speeches more by other men, after my having several times sued, and pressed for a hearing, whilst I was of the House of Commons; after by His majesty's favour I had sat six or seven weeks a Member of the House of Peers, after all this, no less a judgement (as far as the Vote of the House of Commons could contribute to it) passed upon me unheard, over, and above the shame of having the Speech itself burned by the hand of the Hangman. How I bore this affliction, with what anxiety of mind to myself, with what temper and submission to that Honourable Assembly, from whence the blow came, as many of my near friends can testify the first; so the envy, or malice of no man, can reasonably and justly tax me, as unto the other. How other young men: upon no greater a stock of innocence than mine, might have suffered themselves to be transported upon such misfortunes, (not to give them any other term) I leave to those to judge, who have not been so long brought up in the school of affliction.  
As this censure fell upon me for many months after the fault objected, so it rested within those walls where it begun without ever desiring a concurrence from that Court, where I was only to be judged, and where I could only answer for myself, and hope for a vindication; which increased my sufferings to an unspeakble height, that I could by no means clear myself in the place where I received the wound, nor could take notice of it, where I might be cleared by my peers, for fear of breach of privilege of Parliament; Though my censure were known to all the kingdom, yea, I may say my infamy in print with foreign Nations.  
Under this weight (enough to have broken a body, and a mind better prepared for these exercises than mine) I suffered till the rudeness and violence of that Rabble, drove both their Majesties, for the safety of themselves and their children, to Hampton Court, whither by command I attended them. In this short journey many soldiers, and Commanders (who had assembled themselves, jointly to solicit the payment of their arrears for the late Northern expedition, from the two Houses of Parliament) waited on their Majesties, and leaving them at Hampton Court, provided their own accommodations at Kingston, the next place of receipt, and still so used for the overplus of company, which the Court itself could not entertain. To these Gentlemen, of whom few or none were of my acquaintance; and to this place was I sent by his Majesty, with some expressions of his majesty's good acceptance of their service, and returning the same night to Hampton Court, continued my attendance to Windsor, whither their Majesties then repaired. I had not been there one day, when I heard that both Houses of Parliament were informed, that I, and Colonel Lunsford, a person with whom I never exchanged twenty words in my life, had appeared in a warlike manner at Kingston, to the terror of the King's liege people; and thereupon had ordered, that the sheriff of Surrey, and as I conceive, that all other Sheriffs throughout England should raise the power of their several Counties, to suppress the forces that he and I had levied.  
When first this news was brought me, I could not but slight it; as a ridiculous rumour; for being most certain, that I had never been at Kingston but only upon that message of the Kings to forty or fifty Gentlemen, totally strangers to me, with whom I stayed not the space of half an hour, at most, and in no other equipage, than a Coach and six hired horses, with one single man in the Coach with me, and one servant riding by: I thought it utterly impossible for the most Remancy itself, at so near a distance, to raise out of that any serious matter of scandal, or prejudice upon me. But when soon after, I received from some of my friends, not only a confirmation of that seeming impossibility, but a particular account of the manner of it: How some information concerning me at Kingston had been referred to the examination of a Committee of my sharpest enemies; how the six Coach-horses I appeared with there, were turned by them into six score horses; and that mistake, I know not by what prevalence of my unhappiness, or of my enemy's credit, not suffered to be rectified by other witnesses there, who affirmed the truth: Finding myself in this sad condition, but twenty miles off, and not knowing how the people in other places might be terrified, if reports concerning me should spread, but in a proportionable rate, to remoter distances, they being now derivable from such considerable Authors, I must confess I then began to look upon myself as a person of that rare misfortune, that my reputation would not weigh down the most improbable, or impossible accusation, but fit to receive any imputation of guilt, the most mischievous or malicious instrument of calumny could invent. And in this condition, with no other discontent, than not believing myself much indebted to the world for good usage, I procured his majesty's licence, to transport a person of so great inconvenience and danger, out of his Dominions into another country; and with all possible speed removed myself into Holland, never suspecting that my guilt would increase with my absence, in the retired private life which I had resolved on, and did according to that resolution, l●ad beyond sea; having the vanity of some hope, that a little time discovering the falsehood of some things believed of me, would take away the inconvenience of other things that were but unworthily suspected. Some weeks I rested there without any new hurt, till the falsehood of a person, to whose trust I committed a Packed, brought it to a hand well contented with any occasion to satisfy his own particular private malice, and revenge upon me; and so my Letters, one to the Queen's majesty, and the other to my Brother, Sir Lewis Dives, were publicly brought to be read; in both Houses of Parliament; from thence new arguments of guilt are so far enforced against me, and the former displeasure revived and heightened to such a pitch, that at the same time I heard of the interception of my Letters, I found myself accused of High Treason too, and that for levying war against the King, a crime certainly that of all other, I could least suspect myself guilty of. And to say the truth, it came into my charge but by accident; for being in general charged of High Treason, and the impeachment in particular, bearing only that I had appeared in warlike manner to the terror of the King's Subjects, a question was raised by a Lord or two, learned in the law, whether that accusation would amount to treason, or no, and so leave was desired to amend the charge, which being granted to make sure work, by the Statute of 25 Ed. 3. it was put in, that I had levied war against the King. If I were guilty, or suspected of so loud a crime, how it came to sleep so long, or if not, how these Letters (wherein upon an unpartial survey there will not be found so much as an opinion as unto peace or war) could minister occasion for a charge of my leyying war against the King, I leave to equal consideration. I am far from censuring or disputing the resolution, or opinion of both, or either House of Parliament; no man receives a stroke from thence with more submission and humility, and the great reverence I bear to it hath made such an impression in me, that the weight of their displeasure hath added many years to me, but in so near a concernment of my life, and my honour, that grave assembly may give me leave, without presuming to think their judgements unjust, to say, their evidence may be untrue, and the persons trusted by them, not so full of honour, ingenuity, or integrity, so free from passion, malice, interest, or affection, as they are thought. It will be no presumption, or disrespect to that great counsel to say, that I have many enemies, who who have used all the ill arts; their wit or malice could suggest, to bring this affliction upon me, and have not in whispers, or in the dark published their resolution to destroy me: witness the known tampering with very many persons, both by threats, and promises, to accuse me; their creating and cherishing such monstrous untruths of my treating with the Danes, and other foreign power of a great treason of mine plotted, and discovered at Sherburne, with mighty warlike preparations there: of my being at the head of the Rebels in Ireland, and the like; to make me odious to the people, to whose rage and violence they have often endeavoured to give me up a sacrifice; the deep sense I have of my afflictions, and injuries, shall never transport me to heighten the representation of them to the least degree beyond truth; but whoever shall consider the penalty of Treason, the ruin and desolation it brings to families, the brand and infamy it fixes on our memories, and shall remember that this portion was designed to me, for going on my masters errant, in a Coach and six horses, will believe that a mixture of sorrow and innocence, with so much passion as may keep them company, may well be allowed to breathe itself with so much freedom, as to present to the world with a true and sensible life my sufferings, upon whomsoever the injustice and inhumanity may light, of having oppressed and bowed down to the earth, a young man and all his hopes, by such undeserved calamities.  
Since that time, other letters of mine or copies of letters (possibly never sent) have had the same fortune, and been published to the world, to show the follies and indiscretions of a man, enough in her disfavour before, with Glosses and Comments to inform the people how much of the dangerous and pernicious counsels, pretended to be then, and still on foot, had passed through my hands, and how great an enemy I am to Parliaments, to this later most grievous and venomous imputation, I hope God will have preserved me some kind of Antidote in men's memories, of what part i had the happiness to bear in the passing of the triennial Bill, and to it i shall only say thus much, that I have had the honour to be a member of the one House, and must presume to think myself still a member of the other, that i value the honour, the dignity and the privileges of both, infinitely above the pleasures and benefits of life, and if i ever wilfully contributed, or shall ever consent to the prejudice of either, I wish the desires of all my enemies may fall upon me.  
To that of my having had so great a hand in ill Counsels, which are expressed to be of His majesty's removing from LONDON to a place of safety, and the like, I shall be bold to say, that the Letter to the Queen's Majesty, from whence my enemies would make the inference, hath not with any considerer the least propending of advice any way, but is merely an account of mine own intentions to apply myself to His majesty's service, either by absence, or attendance, according to course, that His majesty in His wisdom should think fit to take. everybody knows I never had the honour to be a counsellor, neither have I presumed, without being questioned by His Majesty, to interpose in His affairs: when he hath graced me with any question, I have answered with the freedom of a Subject, and a Gentleman. But had I been a Counsellor, having seen what I have seen, and heard what I heard, I, who have known such members of both Houses, marked out by the multitude for blessings, and such for sacrifice: I who can say with truth, that such of that rabble, cried out, the King's the traitor; such, that the young Prince would govern better; I who can prove that a Leader of those people in the heat and violence of the tumult, cried out, that the King was not fit to live; Had I been a counsellor, what had I been (as the learning of Treason was then understood) should I not have advised. His Majesty to withdraw to a place of safety, not from His Parliament, but from that insolent and unruly multitude, who had already brought into so much hazard the persons and the liberty of this till than most happy Parliament, and not staying there, did so loudly threaten ruin, even to the sacred Person of the King; Advertise his majesty I did of the danger; advise him I could not, i had neither the ability, nor the authority.  
In my letter to the Queen, at her first coming into Holland, it was observed, that in that expression, [of welcoming her from a Country not worthy of her.] I showed much venom and rancour to my own Nation. I meant it not, and must appeal to those who are best acquainted with the Civility of language, whether the address might not be comely to any Lady of quality, who should upon any not pleasing occasion, leave one Country for a while to reside in another. And i hope e'er long to welcome her majesty back from a place not so unworthy of her, unto this Nation most worthy of her, without either disparagement to Holland, or compliment to those to whom the unworthy of that letter was intended.  
For the charge of boldness, and presumption in some expressions of those letters (though i might be glad to compound my treason for incivility) since the suspicion of that depends upon the right understanding of language, and connexion of words; it will be no disrespect to any, through whose hands they have passed, to believe, that as they were otherwise intended by me, so that they are capable of other interpretation. However, if in truth, misunderstanding, or ill breeding hath produced the other, i hope the conclusion will only be, that I am an ill Courtier, or an ill Secretary, both which I do humbly confess, not that I am no good English man, no good subject. If in any of those letters there were any expressions of discontent or bitterness, I shall say little more, then that they passed an examination they were not prepared for, & fell into hands that they were not directed to: and I am confident that many honest Gentlemen, who have had the happiness to preserve their papers from such an inquisition, and shall consider the case they might be in, if all their secret conferences, and private letters were exposed and produced to the public view, will cast up these letters of mine, in the number of my misfortunes, without making any addition to my faults: and certainly, whoever shall observe the measure of my sufferings, with any kind of indifference, will easily forgive such eruptions of passion, as were only vented by me to a brother, though they came within the reach of any other care.  
To draw now to a Period of my unfortunate story, which I cannot promise myself, from the generality, so much charity as to vouchsafe the reading, further than mere curiosity shall lead them; I returned into England not with so much joy to see my Country, as hope to be admitted upon my humble Petition to His majesty, to a fair, regular, impartial vindication of my innocency, and i protest to God, I look upon the time I may naturally hope to live with no other comfort, then as it may make me still capable of that happiness. I have follies and infirmities enough about me to make me ask the pardon of every wise and good man, but for treason (or for any voluntary crime (either against my sovereign, or my country) I say it with all humility, I will not accept a pardon from the King and Parliament. By the grace of God it shall never be said, that either the Parliament hath brought me, or His majesty exposed me to atriall, my own uprightness shall constantly solicit it, and without recourse in this to either of their favours, I will either stand a justified man to the world, or fall an innocent. But in the mean time, till it please God to bless this nation with such a composure of the present distractions, as that Government and Law may have their rightful and comfortable course, i implore only so much charity from men, as may seem due to one, whose good intentions to his country have been in some sort publicly manifested, whose ill are yet but obscurely and improbably suggested.  
To conclude, let the few 〈◊〉 hav● lived be examined, and if there be found any rancour or venom in my nature, even toward particular persons which might in time contract itself to an enmity against the state; if I have been a fomenter of jealousies & debate, or a secret conspirer against the honour and fame of any man; If I have worn Religion as a mask and vizard for my hypocrisy, and underhand cherished any opinions that I have not a vowed; if I have been led by any hopes of preferment to flattery, or by the miss of it, to revenge, if I have been transported with private ambition and been inclined to sacrifice the least branch of the public peace & happiness to my own ends and advantage, let the complication of all these ills prepare a judgement of treason itself upon me, and let me be looked upon as a man who hath made a progress in wickedness, that a few years more added to that account, would render me a prodigy to the world, But if in truth my life hath been pleasant to me under no other nation, then as I might make it useful to my Country, and have made it my business to beget and continue a good intelligence amongst good men; If I have been then most zealous and fervent for the liberties of the subject, when the power of Court was most prevalent, and for the rights of the crown, when popular licence was most predominant; if by my continual study and practice of Religion, I have always been a true son of the Church of England, and by my submission and application of my actious to the known rule of the Law, I have always been a true son of the state of England; if my actions have been honest and my words only doubtful; if my life only clouded with many imperfections, I hope the world will believe, I have been overtaken with too great a measure of unhappiness, and every generous heart will ease me of some part of my burden, by giving the benefit of his good opinion.  
FINIS.