THE COURT beggar.  
A comedy.  
Acted at the Cockpit, by his majesty's Servants, Anno 1632.  
WRITTEN By RICHARD BROME.  MART. 
Hic totus volo rideat Lîbellus.  
LONDON Printed for RICHARD MARRIOT, and THO. DRING, and are to be sold at their Shops in Fleetstreet, 1653.   

Drammatis Personae.  

SIR Andrew Mendicant, an old Knight, turned a projector.  
Mr. Courtwit, a Complementer.  
Mr. Swaynwit, a blunt Country Gentleman.  
Mr. Cit-wit, a citizen's Son that supposes himself a wit.  
Mr. Dainty, a supposed Picture drawer, but a Pickpocket.  
Sir Raphael, an old Knight that talks much and would be thought wise.  
Sir Ferdinand, a Knight distracted for love of the Lady Strangelove.  
Frederick, in love with Charissa.  
Gabriel, servant to Mendicant.  
Doctor of Physic.  
Three poor Projectors.  
A Sowgelder.  
A Boy.  
Lady Strangelove, a humorous widow, that loved to be courted.  
Philomel her Chambermaid.  
Charissa, Mendicants Daughter.    

PROLOGUE.  

we've cause to fear yours, or the poet's frown  
For of late day's (he knows not (how) you're grown,  
Deeply in love with a new strain of wit  
Which he condemns, at least disliketh it,  
And solemnly protests you are to blame  
If at his hands you do expect the same;  
he'll tread his usual way, no gaudy Scene  
Shall give instructions, what his plot doth mean;  
No handsome Love-toy shall your time beguile  
Forcing your pity to a sigh or smile.  
But a slight piece of mirth, yet such were writ  
By our great Masters of the Stage and Wit,  
Whom you approved: let not your suffrage then  
condemn't in him, and praise't in other men.   

Troth Gentlemen let me advise ye, spare  
To vex the Poet full of age and care,  
How he might strive to please ye, and beguile  
His humorous expectation with a smile,  
As if you would be satisfied, although  
His Comedy contains no antique show.   

Yet you to him your favour may express  
As well as unto those whose forwardness  
Make's them your Creatures thought, who in a way  
To purchase fame give money with their Play,  
Yet you sometimes pay dear for't, since they write  
Less for your pleasure than their own delight.   

Which if our Poet fail in, may he be  
A Scene of Mirth in their next Comedy.    

THE COURT beggar.  

ACT I.  

SCENE I.  Mendicant, Charissa. Men. 
YO' have given him then his answer?  Cha. 
Forced by you,  
Heaven knows with my much sorrow. Such a Lover  
So in all points deserving of true worth,  
And best endowments to make up a Man  
That I shall never see— your pardon sir,  
Though you pulled back, by violence, my hand,  
In which my heart was freely given to him,  
It is not in your power or strength of art  
To beat a sigh back, or restrain a tear  
Which I must offer to his memory.  Men. 
Such storms soon waste themselves in absent Lovers  
When light of Reason, and good Counsel shall  
Break forth and shine upon 'em: and for your part  
Daughter, I know it shall. And, presently,  
I thus begin to dissipate your errors,  
You love this Frederick.  Cha. 
Love knows I do.  Men. 
You say he is deserving in all points.  Cha. 
My love emboldens me to tell you he is.  Men. 
Charissa, take me with you. Is he not  
Deficient in that only absolute point  
That must maintain a Lady, an estate?  Cha. 
Love weighs not that.  Men. 
What can he show you more  
To take you with, than a wild head of hair;  
A very Limebush to catch Ladybirds?  
A Tissue Doublet; and a Ribbon shop  
Hung in his Hatbands, might set up a Pedlar?  
Can this maintain a Lady?  Cha. 
You but look  
Upon his outside sir.  Men. 
I trust you have not  
been over inwardly acquainted with him.  Cha. 
Sir, he has Valour, Wit, and Honour, you well know  
he's of a noble Family extracted.  Men. 
What's that a year? those parts may be acquired  
In winning of a strumpet. But what Jointure  
Can he propound to you? or, (in case he dies,  
Your Dowry being spent) what personal Estate  
Is't like he'll leave you, but his Powder glass,  
His Comb and Beard-brush, and perhaps a trunkful  
Of Elegies, Raptures, Madrigals and Sonnets?  
No let him go; discard him: and embrace  
The hopes that I have for thee in the hopeful,  
Exquisite Cavalier, Courtier and Soldier,  
Scholar, (and what not!) brave Sir Ferdinando:  
There's a Man rising in the favour Royal,  
And may in thee Charissa, make me happy.  Cha. 
Sir you have given me liberty of speech;  
And may be pleased to let me tell you now,  
You aim at your own fortune, not at mine.  Men. 
I seek no fortune, but for thy advancement:  
All that I shall call mine must be thine own.  Cha. 
I would be plainer yet; beseeching you be not thought too lose in my obedience.  Men. 
Speak freely Girl.  Cha. 
Your aim has been to raise  
You state by Court-suits, begging as some call it,  
And for that end you left your Country life,  
And Lands too ever since my Mother died,  
Who while she lived with best of woman's judgement  
Which held you from that course of selling fair  
Possessions to enable you with money  
To purchase wit at Court. You pardon me?  Men. 
On, on.  Cha. 
And for th' Exchange of a fair Mansion-house  
Large fruitful Fields, rich Meadows and sweet pastures  
Well cropped with corn and stocked as well with Cattle,  
A park well stored with deer too, and Fishponds in't,  
And all this for a lodging in the Strand now—  
But do I not offend?  Men. 
No, no, on still.  Cha. 
Your own fed beeves and Muttons, fowl and Poultry  
Loaded your long boards then; and you had then  
Neighbours could boast your hospitality,  
And poor, that for the remnants prayed for you,  
Now all concludes upon a two-dished table.  
And whereas then you had a numerous Family  
Of Servants and Attendants, out of which  
For profit or for pleasure you could call  
Your Bailiff, Groom, your Falconer, or your Huntsman,  
Now sir, a Varlet Coachman, and Footboy  
Are all your Retinue; and for the Hounds  
You kept, that made you sport and Music, now  
None but your project Beagles, that smell out  
Where such a forfeiture is to be begged;  
Where one would purchase a Reprieve, another  
A Pardon or a lease of Life Rope-free  
For ready money: Then where Goods or Lands  
Are found of men that make away themselves,  
And so of fools and madmen; All to set  
Your trade of Begging up, and still you beg:  
But your own want of favour holds you back  
From reaching any profit by't, because  
You beg by Mediators tongues, which you  
Call Favourites, who reap the crop of all,  
And leave you but the Gleanings; some small pittance  
To keep alive the itch of begging in you—  Men. 
she speaks home and within me, to the purpose.  Cha. 
Still wasting your own fortunes; till at last  
You have no hopeful project left to thrive by  
But to put me upon this supposed favourite  
To beg for you when it is doubtful yet  
Whether he'll take me with the Dowry, which  
Mine Uncle left me, though you add your projects.  Men. 
The noble Gallant loves thee, Girl, and holds  
Thy Person and thy virtue's Dowry enough,  Cha. 
He is a wanton Lover, full of change,  
And at this instant singularly devoted  
Unto that humorous Lady, the young Widow.  Men. 
The Lady Strangelove?  Cha. 
she is ambitious  
To draw all men's affections to her service,  
And then abuses all by scorns or slightings,  
And this (they say) has made him almost mad.  Men. 
He mad! believe it not: his reason is  
Married to him better than so. How now!  
Ha' you seen the noble Knight from me?  
How did he entertain my Message? ha!  
Why speakst thou not? what answer has he sent?  Enter Gabrel. Gab. 
he's not Sir to be spoken with or seen  
To any purpose, but by his Physicians.  Men. 
So suddenly and dangerously sick,  
Where are my hopes?  Gab. 
I cannot say how sick  
He is; nor can himself give any account  
Of his condition: for he is mad sir.  Men. 
How I mad?  Gab. 
Starke staring mad; as mad  
As you can think a Courtier must be  
That is more mad than all the rest.  Men. 
If this be true I sink, what is supposed he cause?  Gab. 
That sir has puzzled all the Doctors  
In weighing all his several wild affections;  
One finds he was ambitious of Court favour,  
And guesses he was crossed in some great suit;  
Another takes him as he was a Soldier,  
And losing cost and travail in the war  
Must lose his wits for that. A third collects  
He was a Poet that drunk too deep of Helicon,  
And turned his brain in climbing of Parnassus:  
A fourth considering that he was a Gamester  
Long and much favoured, and upraised by fortune  
To mountainous heaps of Gold, conjectures, that  
Some late unlucky hand or chance at play  
Hath with his money swept his wit away.  Men. 
Fie, these can be no causes to remove,  
To shake his settled judgement or his temper.  Gab. 
Then sir a fift and youngst head among  
The learned men (what call you him for a Doctor?  
Hay that affects gay clothes and Flanders Laces,  
That trim effeminate Gentleman) he  
Has known this noble patient to have been  
An extreme Amourist, desperately devoted  
Unto the service of some threescore Ladies,  
And honoured every one the most in costly presents,  
Banquets and Verses; and thinks the disdain  
Of one or all of them has turned his brain.  Cha. 
I told you sir, the cause before; and named  
That humorous Lady for it, whom in heart  
I can no less than thank.  Men. 
Go, get you up.  
And stir not from my Chamber on my blessing  
Till my return, nor admit any one  
Unto a conference with you.  Cha. 
I obey you. Exit.  Gab. 
Some of your project searchers wait without sir  
Laden it seems with new intelligences.  Men. 
They may come in: but as I fear they bring  
Me little comfort, I am sure I shall  
Afford them none. Now sirs, your business?  Enter 3 Projectors. 1. Pro. 
We wait upon your honour my good Lord  
To crave the knowledge of what good success  
Your honour finds in our late suits my Lord.  Men. 
Why honour? why my Lord?  2. Pro. 
We style you now.  3. Pro. 
As all must do hereafter.  1. Pro. 
Yes, and that  
In a short space of time, the world holds no  
Proportion else, nor shall it more be said  
That money can buy Land; or great Estates  
In Lands and Manor-houses be called Lordships.  1.2.3. 
Or wealth joined with desert attain to honor  Gab. 
So now the Game's afoot. They hunt in full cry  1. P. 
My Lord 'tis most apparent.  Men. 
How you torture me!  2. P. 
we'll make't appear most plainly on our lives.  3. P. 
And credits too.  Gab. 
Their Lives and credits, ha, ha, ha.  1. P. 
That in the space of one whole year our projects  
Shall bring in fifty thousand pounds to us,  
And hundred thousand to yourself; and to  
The Coffers Royal for full seven years' space  
64 Thousand 783 l. 7 s. 9 d ob. q. per annum,  
'tis here already cast. Which to make good  
we'll venture Lives and Goods.  2. P. 
Our Wives and Children. Mend takes the scroll and peruses it.  3. P. 
We can engage no more.  Gab. 
A wondrous strange engagement  
Your lives and goods; your wives & children gentlemen!  
That's too deep set, and questions the king's Mercy:  
methinks it were enough, for non-performance  
You would submit your bodies to perpetual  
Imprisonment at the king's charge; and leave  
Your wives and children to their several Parishes  
You are still faithless sir, in all projects.  1. 
But when you shall perceive the wealthy sons  
Daily brought in, and be, continually,  
Troubled with the Receipts (if you may be trusted  
That have so little faith) when you shall soil  
And gall your fingers ends with telling money,  
Yet find the lickings of 'em sweet, you'll then  
Sing other Notes.  2. 
Mean time entreat my Lord  
To put you to some Tellers Clerk to teach you  
Ambo-dexterity in telling money.  Gab. 
Do you hear sir? Can you give me two sixpences  
For a shilling— or any single money?  2. P. Pish. 
 Gab. 
Cry mercy, you wear none in ready coin,  
But all in Bullion locked up in your brave-chests,  
And there you have the treasure of the Indies;  
Of deeper value, could it be digged out,  
Than all the Hollanders have waited for  
These 7 years out of the Spanish plate fleets.  3. Pugh. 
 Gab. 
But put mine eye out (now I dare you to't)  
With any single piece of ready money.  1. P. 
My Lord your man abuses us here strangely  
With his old misbelief. But still we doubt not  
Your honourable good opinion of us.  2. P. 
You have perused this weighty paper here.  Men. 
It weighs not all twelve grains.  1. P. 
No more?  
Nay the whole platform of a stately City,  
Or a design to conquer a whole Nation,  
But do you note the grounds, the Rules and Reasons,  
First for the easiness of the several grants.  2. P. 
Next for performance of our undertakings.  3. P. 
And then the certainty o' th' propounded profits  
Both to the King and us.  1. P. 
Without all grievance unto the subject.  Fab. 
That's no little marvel.  1. P. 
Take 'em into particulars my Lord,  
First this for perukes. The Monopoly  
Of making all the perukes male and female,  
Through Court and Kingdom.  Gab. 
There's a capital project.  2. P. 
Note the necessity, that they be well made  
Of no diseased or infectious stuff, of dead or living,  
No verminous or sluttish locks or combings,  
But harmless and sound hair, of innocent,  
And wholesome people.  Gab. 
They must then reap none  
From Gallows, nor Hospitals; from whence  
They have had great supplies.  1. P. 
You have in that  
Said very well; For here's a Reformation  
Of that abuse intended in these words  
Innocent and wholesome.  Gab. 
How if a man or woman shall desire  
To wear a friend's hair so departed; as  
You his; or your wife yours; may't not be had?  1. P. 
Or if your friend or Mistress die so, you  
Procure the hair and bring it from the Gallows  
To th' office, and it may be done accordingly.  Gab. 
You have in that said very well Sir too.  1. P. 
Now out of this provision, what an infinite  
Profit will rise i' th' general use of 'em,  
And multiplicity that will be worn  
By people of all sorts, degrees and ages:  
The old to hide their natural baldness, and  
The young and middle-aged their artificial  
Or accidental.  Gab. 
By the pox or so.  1. P. 
They shall be brought into that reputation  
That none shall be esteemed so sound or wise  
As public wearers of them: which to effectuate  
'tis requisite that you obtain a mandate  
Unto all Courtiers, that would be thought wise  
To wear false hair: because clowns have been noted  
To talk like fools or mad men in their own.  Men. 
No more of that.  1. 
What say to this my Lord,  
Touching new fashions of apparel; suits,  
Hats, Boots, Swords, Belts, Ribbons, etc.  
For every wearer of his first o'th' fashion  
To pay a groat to th' King; and every Tradesman  
Two pence on every several piece he sells  
Of any such new fashion the first year?  Gab. 
And what may this pride money amount unto  
Per annum, can you guess?  Men. 
I will not meddle in it.  2. 
No my good Lord.  Men. 
No, nor your perukes neither.  3. 
What say to this my Lord of the balconies?  Men. 
Nor that.  1. 
This then for sucking out of corns.  Men. 
Away with it.  2. 
This then: that on the birth of every Girl  
The Father pay a groat; to hearten men  
To live soberly and get Soldiers.  Men. 
Away.  1. 
This makes amends for all then. A new project  
For building a new Theatre or Playhouse  
Upon the Thames on Barges or flat boats  
To help the watermen out of the loss  
They've suffered by Sedans; under which project  
The subject groans, when for the ease of one  
Two abler men must suffer; and not the price,  
Or pride of Horseflesh or Coach-hire abated.  
This shall bring floods of gain to th' watermen  
Of which they'll give a fourth of every fare  
They shall board at the floating Theatre,  
Or set ashore from thence, the Poets and Actors  
Half of their first years profits.  Men. 
Fie away.  1. 
This is a weighty one: For massy sums  
That may be freely given out of the City,  
To have but this assurance, that hereafter  
They may engross the getting of their own  
Children: by order ta'en that Cavaliers,  
And Courtiers may no more invade,  
Or mix with tradesmen's wives: whereby 'tis thought  
So many City Prodigals have been gotten;  
Only the thrifty country Gentlemen  
To be excepted: for by them 'tis guest  
So many Citizens grow landed men.  Gab. 
Were not they gotten by Projectors think you?  3. 
My Lord your servant jeers us.  Men. 
To deal plainly  
I do allow't in him—  Gab. 
Heaven has heard my prayers.  Men. 
And will hear him or any man oppose  
All that is put to me by way of project  
To put me by all further hopes in 'em:  
For (with heart's grief I speak it) he by whom  
I only hoped to climb (alas) is fallen.  1. 
What out of favour?  Men. 
No, out of his Reason.  2. 
The noble Cavalier sir Ferdinando.  3. 
That late stood candidate for the favour royal,  
Is he now fallen besides himself?  Men. 
Even he.  1. 
What have you then to do my Lord  
In lieu of all your service but beg him?  Men. 
His greater and his nearer friends at Court  
Will prevent me.  2. 
They shall not, never fear it.  1. 
Come we will make quick work of this.  
My Lord you shall disburse but twenty pieces.  2. 
Among us three. 3. And we will instantly  
Find his estate. 1. And lay you down a way  
So plain that you shall say All's yours,  
Before you stir a foot.  Gab. 
But when he has traveled  
Till he has tired himself, he shall return,  
And say All's lost, is't not so Gentlemen?  Men. 
I will not part with any money sirs.  1. 
Trust me you do not well to put my Lord  
Off o' his benefit, by disheartening him  
In this small venture. Will you then be pleased  
To give us but ten pieces.  Men. 
Not a penny.  2. 
Five you shall my Lord,  
And stand no longer thus in your own light.  3. 
Or but a piece a Man.  Men. 
Not a denier.  1. 
A dinner then my Lord, but of one piece.  Men. 
My answers cannot please you. Answer 'em you.  Gab. 
I wonder how you having stretched your throats  
With the loud sounds of thousands, hundred thousands  
Can, after all, so faintly whisper forth  
One piece; and that as much in vain, as all  
The massy sums: for all but brings you nothing,  
It shows you Gentlemen of resolute patience;  
And would take thankfully I warrant you  
An odd half crown amongst you: and what say you  
To every man a kick on the condition?  
What say you to one with tother?  1. 
This abuse  
Shall lose your Master a hundred thousand pound.  Gab. 
Go coin your bullion brains into the money  
And come again. My master was  
Your Lord even now, as he was Lord of Beggars.  1. 
I hope to live to see him beg of us.  Gab. 
Out hundreds, thousands, ten thousands, hundred,  
thousands, Millions, ten Millions, Millions upon Millions  
Away, I'll stamp your buttocks into coin else. Ex. Projectors.  
The Devil ride that hindmost of 'em, for  
A raw boned Jade: 'sfoot he has lamed my toes.  Men. 
I am glad I am so rid of 'em, and now  
As thouart my Servant and my loving Kinsman—  Gab. 
To follow you in all things but in Projects.  Men. 
Look to my House and Daughter, that she start not;  
Nor any entrance be allowed to Fredrick  
To re-entangle her in his Love. I know  
Thy virtue and thy valour can make good  
My trust imposed in thee.  Gab. 
You need not fear sir  
But, good sir, no more projects.  Men. 
I have but one,  
On which I'll set my rest. thou'lt say 'tis good.  Gab. 
Except it be the begging of this Madman  
It can be nothing.  Men. 
'tis the very same:  
By which I will advance my house and name. Exit.  Gab. 
The Beggars best is that he feels no shame:  
Sprecious what mean you? Ha' you forgot so soon  
Your Father's strict command, and he scarce gone yet?  Enter Charissa. Cha. 
Alas he'll then meet Fredrick and divert him,  
I saw him at the window making this way.  Gab. 
He gets no entrance to you. I must obey  
A master though you can neglect a father.  Cha. 
Be not so cruel. Thou mayst live to love,  
And need the pity of a friend.  Gab. 
I pity you,  
And will do no more than you know how to ask  
For your own good. I understand your cause  
And can relieve you if you'll yield to council.  Cha. 
You are my Kinsman; and have been my friend,  
Though you observe my father who, I fear,  
Has not a father's love towards me.  Gab. 
His love is great and certain,  
And all his travel is for your advancement:  
But he goes blindfold on unprosperous ways  
Led by credulity. Projects! pox o' projects  
The patron of his projects is (it seems)  
Peppered with madness. 'tis but Justice on him,  
And now I'll give you a secret if you'll promise  
To be ruled by me.  Cha. 
You shall rule me x.  Gab. 
This Ferdinand, your father's great Court-godling  
ne'er sought you for a wife; but to have whored you:  
(That is the English on't) and to appear  
A right great man in th'act, he would ha' made  
By hopes and promises your credulous Father  
The instrument of your prostitution:  
Which to effect, (though still he undertook  
His hopeful projects) cunning Lawyerlike  
He crossed or lost him still in all, on purpose  
That poverty at length might urge him to  
Give you to his dispose.  Cha. 
This was my fear.  Gab. 
Away: somebody comes.  Cha. 
'tis Fredrick. I must see him.  Gab. 
You'll never see him more than. Go to your chamber. A little patience and he shall be yours.  Cha. 
So does a heart consume in lingering fire,  
When cooling hopes are cast on hot desire. Exit.  Gab. 
Poor heart I pity her, and will labour for her.  Enter Frederick. Fred. 
O Gabriel! I am happy in finding thee,  
Thy master absent, whom I saw, in haste  
Now passing towards the Court. Where's my Charissa?  Gab. 
You may not see her.  Fred. 
May not see her sir?  Gab. 
May not! nay must not: shall not see her.  Fred. 
You're very plain with me.  Gab. 
Her own command  
Warrants me speak it sir.  Fred 
A villain speaks it. Draw.  Gab. 
I have a sword speaks other language for me.  Fred. 
Can she whose thoughts are truth, and written here,  
Here in this breast, giving me ample welcome,  
Give thee a countermand to bar me from it?  
Wouldst thou make her a double hearted monster?  
Or like another woman?  
Repent thee of thy trespass yet and live.  Gab. 
Sir, if you think to fight, talk not too much;  
Or, if you needs must talk, then hear as well.  Fred. 
What wouldst thou say?  Gab. 
Sir, I have more to say  
Then fits this place, since you are apt to quarrel;  
And this no ground to bustle on: nor indeed  
Where I dare for my honesty and trust  
Allow you longer stay. If therefore you  
Will walk, I'll wait upon you; and direct you  
In a more ready way to find Charissa.  Fred. 
Is she not here i' th' house?  Gab. 
O sir, a man  
May come within his arm-reach of his money  
In the Exchequer: but he must walk about  
To find due order ere he draw it out.  Fred. 
The fellow's honest, valiant, and discreet,  
Full man, in whom those three additions meet.  Gab. 
Sir, dare you trust me?  Fred. 
Yes I dare; and why?  
Because if thou dar'st fight, thou dar'st not lie.    

ACT II.  

SCENE I.  Enter Philomel, Courtwit, Swaynwit, Cit-wit. Phi. 
HEre in this gallery Gentlemen you may, at your pleasure,  
Until my Lady comes, walk or sit.  Cou. 
Or lie down if you please.  Ph. 
If you so, wrong not my lady's Couch with your Spurs I pray: take heed you leave not a rowel there.  Sw. 
If one should, your Lady has no Lord to call her honour to question, whose Knighthood it belonged unto.  Phil. 
You have a good country wit sir.  Sw. 
My name is swain-wit; and for all you twit me with the Country, I am a Gentleman tho'.  Ph. 
I honour you the more sir, for I am a Country Maid myself.  Sw. 
Thou art a baggage, and a bold one, I am deceived else.  
I would be further acquainted with you tho'. Kiss long.  
Have you done now? You will have time enough for  
Further and better acquaintance.  
Thou art a Jackanapes of the basest tricks that ever I saw, for a halfpenny. she's your choice, is she? Could not you let be tho'? I ha' been acquainted with thee but two days, and forgive me for swearing, I ha' found thee beating ripe a score o' times at least. Take heed I begin not now, and handsel your Lady's house, that is so much talked on, and your Gentlewoman's presence here with a fist about your ears.  Cou. 
Not for a thousand pound.  Sw. 
That's a great deal of money. I could find i'my heart to do't tho'.  Cou. 
'slife we are all undone then.  Sw. 
He sets my teeth on edge to look upon him: He looks so like a wilding crab, good neither for drink nor sauce.  Ph. 
Why would you press him then?  Sw. 
Thou hast a verjuice wit.  Ph. 
For my poor sake forbear sir.  Sw. 
Let him stand further then, and look o' toe side.  Cit. 
Well sir, this is no cause nor place to fight in, when—  Sw. 
What says he?  Ph. 
Nothing, you hear he whistles t'other way.  Sw. 
Tother way, what backwards?  Ph. 
What new guest ha' you brought here Mr. Courtwit, for my Lady to laugh at?  Cou. 
One for that purpose Phil, you ha' spoke the man, But what company has my Patroness, that she is yet busy.  Sw. 
I that! If she be long busy I will not stay, and she were ten great Ladies, or one as big as twenty, for all she is your Patroness, must we wait out of our wits, because Chalivere ran mad for her?  Ph. 
Ha' you heard o' that sir?  Sw. 
My cousin Court-wit's question was who's with her?  Ph. 
O sweet Mr. Courtwit, when will you bring the fine civil Gentleman, that maintains himself so gallantly by picture drawing?  Sw. 
Here's a new business! Fare ye well, pray tell your Lady I came not from Pensans to grow here.  Ph. 
Nay sweet sir stay, there is sir with my Lady none but the grave and witty talking Knight. Some call him the metropolitan wit of Court; he that loves Lady's society so much, and yet has vowed virginity.  Cou. 
As much as in man lies Phil; He is a perpetual vowed bachelor indeed, and as constant to his vow as to his fashion in apparel, which is ever the same, sir Raphael Winter-plum.  Cit. 
That old withered piece. I know him.  Sw. 
Thou wilt bear up again.  Cit. 
He has licked up a living with his tongue; makes all great tables his own; and eats for his talk. He may be conversant with women: for (they say) he guelt himself beyond Sea for spite one did him; and now preaches chastity to Ladies, and love to their husbands. he's a Lay-gospeller among the married sort, and an especial pedant to the youth o' Court.  Cou. 
Fie, thou speakst too much.  Sw. 
There's another humour I could beat thee for with all my heart, thou wilt speak outrageously of all men behind their backs, and dar'st not answer Ba— to the face of a sheep, O I could pommel thee.  Cit. 
This is not yet a cause to fight for, when—  Ph. 
But will not that fine Gentleman Mr. Dainty come, Mr. Courtwit?  Cou. 
I expect him presently.  Ph. 
I'll see if their conference be ended, or break it if I can, and hasten my Lady to you. Exit.  Sw. 
This wench has a dainty wit.  Cou. 
She may, living with the prime Lady-wit in town.  Sw. 
But what Dainty is that she talks on so affectionately?  Cou. 
Troth a Gentleman that lives at a good rate; very civil in conversation, keeps good company; yet none of his acquaintance that I am acquainted with knows his beginning, or his present means.  Sw. 
A Gentleman borne.  Cou. 
I know no more but by his port, and fashion, you saw him with me last night.  Sw. 
Forgive me for swearing, Is't he?  Cou. 
He was at the Play with us too, do you not remember that?  Sw. 
Yes, that I was at the Play, by sure token and a sad one.  Cit. 
I'll show you somewhat of him. A Gentleman borne did you ask?  Sw. 
Now he bears up again.  Cit. 
He cannot be a Gentleman by birth or place. A fine-handed, and a fine headed fellow he is; and pretends great skill and practice too in Picture-drawing, Watchmaking, and such like finger works; which he says he uses as a Gentleman's exercise, not as a trade to live upon; when either he does live on't; or else he has some more secret way, as perhaps pimping or pursing for aught I know.  Sw. 
There he is again! Art thou bound in conscience to wrong all men in their absence, till I beat thee into better manners?  Cou. 
Hold hold, I prithee hold.  Cit. 
Yet still the cause is insufficient, when—  Cou. 
Here comes the Gentleman.  Enter Dainty. Cit. 
Is he come? Noble Mr. Dainty— The welcom'st in the World. I protest I suffered by your absence.  Dai. 
You do me too much honour Mr. Cit-wit.  Cit. 
Oh sir, your humble servant.  Sw. 
Ha, ha. Forgive me for swearing, what a spaniel's this?  Dai. 
Gentlemen you are well found, I was a little stayed by the way upon receipt of moneys. Ha' you seen the Lady yet?  Cou. 
she's yet a little busy. We shall all instantly take the opportunity together.  Dai. 
But Gentlemen; you that have better knowledge of this Lady inform if you please, why are we summoned hither?  Cou. 
Thou speakst as if thou hadst guilt upon thee; fear nothing man.  Sw. 
I that's the thing that I would understand too. And why me of any man? They say indeed she is a humorous Lady, and loves to busy herself. But what are we to her? are there not greater men, and Lords enough for her to fool away the time with, but we must dance attendance on her humours?  Cit. 
I protest Mr. swainwit, I admire your ingenuity.  Sw. 
You will be meddling still.  Cit. 
'tis to your question sir, which I will answer.  Sw. 
I there's another of your coxcombly tricks, to answer any question, that's asked another man, out with thou.  Cit. 
This Lady sir, this humorous witty Lady is a wit-sponge, that sucks up wit from some, and holds as her own, until she squeeze it out on others. She will make use of ours, or any courser wits; and search 'em out to sift 'em. She will collect from market-folks; and hold conferences with the poor Trades-people that cry their wares about the streets, She will rake wit out of a dunghill Ragwoman.  Swa. 
So there he is again! darest thou abuse a noble Lady, in her own house too? I dare not now but beat thee.  Cou. 
Forbear good x.  Cit. 
Still, still, the cause is nought, when—  Dai. 
Ods so the Ladies coming I think.  Enter Philomel. Phil. 
Gentlemen, my Lady cannot yet be rid of the tedious talking Knight. But she will cast him presently. He is now following her into this room, pray pass into the next; my Lady's Music room. There you shall find a collation of good Tobacco and Sack and one to attend you, you know the fashions of the House Mr. Courtwit.  Cou. 
Come away Gentlemen. Exit Gentlemen.  Phil. 
I could even love and look upon that sweet Mr. Dainty a whole hour methinks.  Enter Strangelove, and Sir Raphael. Stra. 
Go your ways down Maid, and if any ask for Sir Raphael here, say that I hope he will ha' done anon.  Ra. 
You would be rid of me: but pardon me Madam, I must hold your glass to you.  Stra. 
That's a poor Chambermaids office; and ill becomes your gravity Sir Raphael.  Ra. 
I'll open then the book to you of your errors.  Str. 
Now you speak scholarlike, and yourself: But have we spent all this while in by, and idle talk, and have that volume to be opened yet? Pray read me for the first Lesson for this Morning's Exercise, and my Edification, the last Chapter of my book of errors as you call it.  Ra. 
You are a mocker of instruction, and good counsel.  Str. 
Begins it so? whom is that spoken to?  Ra. 
I speak to only you; to conjure (if I can) that spirit of scorn out of you; which you have taken in, and long affected for a humour, your singular own humour, till it is grown so familiar, so inherent in you, that you have won the title of the humorous Lady by't; and drawn a scorn upon yourself.  Stra. 
Why then all's paid, and welcome good Sir Raphael.  Ra. 
I am not gone so; nor is all so paid:  
For there's a greater reckoning yet of Railings,  
Reviling, Curses by the many that  
You've scorned and slighted, shot at you in hot volleys.  Str. 
They hit me not. I am sure I do not feel 'em.  R. 
You may in time be sensible of their sufferings,  
Whom you have violently, and wilfully abused  
With scorn and pride; if you call to mind  
The cause, bred merely out of humour; cause you would have it so.  Str. 
You come too near me sir, cause I would have it so?  Ra. 
Can it be otherwise? Has it not ever been  
Your practice, since your time of widowhood  
To catch all men's affections? 'tis indeed  
An honour to a Lady to have many suitors;  
But to lay bait for 'em only to delude 'em—  
Is impiously dishonourable.  Str. 
Have I done so?  Ra. 
Yes, and have gloried in it for your humour  
To lead men into brakes with foolish fire.  Str. 
If they will follow it, I cannot help it.  Ra. 
You might though have prevented the mishaps  
Of many, by a fair and free resistance  
In the beginnings of their suits of Courtships,  
And not to set yourself at gaze to draw them on,  
And then allure them with assured hopes  
Of love and favour till you have wound their follies  
Into the reach of your disdain; and then  
To torture 'em, or having ta'en 'em captives  
To slave and sell 'em to the world's derision.  Str. 
O sir Raphael—  Ra. 
she feels compunction!  
I will pursue it to the quick.  Str. 
On good Sir Raphael.  Ra. 
Consider then good Madam, since I know,  
And your own conscience knows, that you have made  
A secret vow from your late husband's death  
Never to marry, how better and more glorious  
It would be for your honour to declare  
Your constant purpose to a single life,  
Then to fall into the transgression  
Of robbing men so of their wits and reason,  
And all by wilful humour; as this late  
Unhappy accident of madness in  
The hopeful Knight Sir Ferdinando cries  
Loudly to your disgrace, and the world's sorrow.  Str. 
Half the world's sorrow is mine own  
For that sad accident, I would I could redeemed  
With half my health or life. But let me tell you  
(Now you have justly chidden me) that you  
Have a fault too.  Ra. 
What is't in your construction?  Str. 
As I concealed my vow of single living,  
And gave men leave to court me, by which means  
I won them into hopes, and robbed their wits,  
You in declaring to the Court and City  
Your vow of chastity and single life,  
Yet daily, nightly, hourly frequenting  
The company of Ladies, with your sweet,  
No less than grave discourse and conversation  
Have robbed (nay I may say deflowered) more Ladies  
Of chaste and honourable thoughts, than all  
The cavalry of Court.  Ra. 
Who I Madam!  Str. 
Even you sir Raphael (if unchaste desires  
Must be held sinful) I know some of them,  
And one (I fear) too well, that have been subject  
Unto the breach of any vow for you,  
Yet you to vow a single and chaste life;  
And publish your intent!  Ra. 
'tis with intent,  
And a religious purpose to decline,  
And divert woman's fond affections from me.  Str. 
O, but forbidden things are women's longings!  
You have read, you have read (sir Raphael) you have read. Falls on her Couch.  La. 
And traveled too: yet never could discover  
Such an example.  Str. 
Pray sit down by me.  Ra. 
Good thoughts possess you Madam. I must hence.  Str. 
I'll not be tedious to you. One word I pray sir?  Ra. 
Virtue, be thou my armour. Briefly then  
Let me entreat you Madam:  Str. 
Pray refuse not  
To sit down by me.  Ra. 
Sanctity protect me. Sit.  Str. 
Sir, you are famous, and cried up by all  
For your great wisdom, Moral and Divine:  
You are the Ipse dixit of the Court  
As I have heard you styled by men of learning,  
The Court Philosopher—  Ra. 
Madam to the point.  Str. 
What is our strength, and what is not our frailty?  Ra. 
Where is she wandering now? be plainer Madam.  Str. 
Do not my blushes (which I hope you pardon)  
Deliver you a message from my heart?  
Which I want words to utter? O these vows!  
These rash and ill-made vows! does not your judgement  
Read something on this face? pray look upon me.  Ra. 
I am no good interpreter of looks.  Str. 
I dare not speak, till you have first removed  
A weighty scruple, which doth much perplex me.  Ra. 
You must first speak it Madam.  Str. 
Whether these vows,  
(I mean your own, and mine, for single life)  
May safely be dispensed with or absolved,  
And we become a lawful pair in Marriage?  
Pray sir resolve and bless me in a Match.  Ra. 
Madam I'll pray for you. Starts up.  Str. 
You will first kill me  
With your disdain, and then you'll pray for me!  
Is that your Charity?  Ra. 
I dare not hear you.  Str. 
Leave me not so.  Ra. 
Who waits upon my Lady here? Exit.  Str. 
I had no other way to shift him, would he would make  
An errand now to Rome to quit my scruple;  
And rid the Court of an officious fool:  
Women some times have sent wise men to school.  
Is the Knight gone?  Enter Philomel. Ph. 
And blessing of himself,  
As witchcraft were i'th' house.  Str. 
But where's my favourite Courtwit, has he brought his country Kinsman and the rest?  Ph. 
They are all in your wit-office Madam (as you call the Room)  
Passing the time among the Pipes and Bottles,  
And singing catches. Here you may hear 'em Madam. A catch.  Str. 
Marry, this takes past all sir raphael's Lectures,  
Go call 'em down. Exit Phi.  
This Madam troubles me, 'would he were right again;  
Or I quit of the scandal.  Enter Court-Swain, and Cit-wit. 
O Gentlemen! you're welcome,  
And chiefly you that are the only stranger,  
I ha' been so troubled with an overtalking sir, that he  
Has wound me into melancholy—  Swa. 
I wish you mirth Madam. I come not as one o' you fools to make you any though— Offer to go away.  Str. 
Be not so brief with me, let me entreat you though.  Sw. 
Forgive me for swearing do you mock me tho'?  Str. 
Mistake me not sweet sir—  Sw. 
Sweet with a mischief! How sweet am I? I come not as a suitor to your great Ladyship, I am a Gentleman of two hundred a year tho'.  Str. 
Not as a suitor to me sir?  Sw. 
No you are too great for me. Nor to your Mopsey without, though she be snout-fair, and has some wit she's too little for me, I understand degree and quality, respect and difference; and am scholar enough to know my unde and my quare.  Str. 
You give me his true character. You are a complete Gentleman sir (if I mistake not) the Kinsman of my favourite here, who has given me an ample relation of your worth and virtue.  Cou. 
Yes, Patroness, 'tis he, who though not throughly versed, or conversant i'th' Court or City garb, he understands both Men and Manners.  Sw. 
Prattle for yourself sir.  Str. 
But to the business Gentlemen.  Sw. 
I that I would fain know if it be any.  Str. 
You have heard I doubt not of a disastrous blot lately cast upon my fame, out of my own freeness.  Cit. 
Concerning the Mad courtier Madam, when 'tis as likely, that his tailor made him mad as you, for not hitting the fashion right in his last rich suit. But 'tis most like he fell from a reasonable man, by over-studying himself what Lord he should be at the next creation, whether of Gleek, or cribbage; In and in, or Hazard.  Sw. 
Hark how this shotten headed Coxcomb prates! And how he, that can endure beating, dares speak any thing, or abuse all men! canst not give the Lady leave to speak tho'?  Str. 
Since there is an aspersion laid upon my freeness in giving entertainment unto persons of great and noble quality, the world deeming it to be done by me merely for ostentation, to cry my own humour up, by drawing them into Love-knots, and then to slight or scorn them: My resolution is from henceforth, to exclude those great resorts, and friendly and freely be merry within ourselves. I have four thousand a year to spend; and will be housewife good enough to keep in compass. I will not entertain a servant, friend or guest above your rank or fortunes—  Sw. 
Why— (forgi'me for swearing) what do you think of us?  Str. 
I think you Gentlemen of worth and quality: and therefore welcome. I think you able to maintain yourselves middle-sized Gent.  Cit. 
I am Midlesex indeed; borne i' th' City.  Sw. 
Give the Lady leave to speak tho'.  Str. 
I'll give access to none, that the censorious world shall dare to judge a suitor to me,  
Or to find favour further than meat and wine.  Sw. 
Yes, faith a little money to; and makes your Fiddlers.  Cit. 
Pray give the Lady leave to speak though. whew  Str. 
Maugre the greatness of my former visitants  
I give you my election for the chiefs  
Of my familiar society.  
I may perhaps call in, (at least admit)  
People of meaner garb, without (I hope  
Your grudge or envy. But they shall be men  
Of Science, Art, and Action.  Sw. 
Of action Madam? who do you mean? the Players?  Str. 
Why not? I love their quality and them, and mean to have the use of some of 'em shortly: Besides Musicians (Poets in the first place) and Painters: In which last mentioned art I hear you are excellent, though all this while so silent.  Dai. 
I boast no skill or practise Madam: but I have drawn some pieces that have been worth my pains in my Rewards.  Str. 
I must commend their ingenuity for whom you took those pains. But (where I left) I must make use of wits, of arts, and actions.  Sw. 
Here in your house Madam, I would be glad to see the Actors but I saw 'em at their own too lately: for I lost my purse there, no matter let it go. There was 15. pound in't though!  Cit. 
Sprecious! How now! my Fob has been fobbed today of six pieces, and a dozen shillings at least. Nothing but a bowed groat left as I hope for my Grannum's blessing.  Cou. 
Sure you have been in some ill company.  Cit. 
Pox of ill company I say. My watch is gone out of my Pocket too o'th' right side.  Dai. 
You rose o' the wrong side today it seems, were you in no crowd or quarrel?  Cit. 
I never was in any quarrel i'my life. I always run from 'em.  Cou. 
I dare swear thou dost.  Cit. 
I only stood today at the Coranto-shop to read the last great news; and I was hooped in I remember by some that seemed to wonder as much as I.  Dai. 
Then certainly there was a cutpurse amongst 'em.  Cit. 
I'll go to honest Moll about it presently.  Sw. 
But first stay and hear my Lady tho'.  Cou. 
I Madam you were speaking of the use you would make of Poet, Painter, Music, Actor and the like.  Str. 
True favourite for a Masque that I intend to have shortly, you shall perform the poetical part, your servant Cit-wit the Musical. And by your skill and directions the painter's office for the scenes. Dancers and speakers I have in store.  Sw. 
I must be something too tho', must I not Madam?  Str. 
Marry and thank you too sir.  Enter Philomel. 
Now your News.  Phil. 
Sir Andrew Mendicant desires to see you Madam.  Str. 
You should have told him I would not be seen by him.  Ph. 
I told him you were busy. But he says he is to speak with you upon a weighty business from the Court.  Str. 
'tis the Court-begger. You know him favourite.  
Go not away, I'll bring him in amongst you,  
And (as you love me) put some ridiculous projects to him. Exit.  Dai. 
What's that sir Andrew Mendicant? do you know him well?  Cour. 
Thou askest still a question like a guilty person, with a look resembling fear upon thy face.  Dai. 
My countenance is too blame then; not my conscience.  Cit. 
I'll tell you what he is.  Sw. 
Still answering others questions?  Cit. 
He is a Knight that hankers about the Court, ambitious to make himself a Lord by begging. His brain is all Projects, and his soul nothing but Court-suits. He has begun more knavish suits at Court, than ever the king's tailor honestly finished, but never thrived by any: so that now he's almost fallen from a Palace Begger to a spital one. His business to my Lady now can be nothing but to borrow money to buy a pair of wheels to set some Project a going to Court for a Monopoly.  Sw. 
Thou wert in haste e'en now to look after the money; but and thy Life lay on't thou must stay to abuse a man behinded his back, who is a noble Gentleman thou know'st, and I have heard, yet (speak in thy conscience) wouldst thou not be beaten now?  Cou. 
Forbear, they come.  Enter Strangelove, Mendicant. Str. 
Sir, since it is requested by those great ones  
Whose power cannot command me in this case  
(For 'tis my charity and not my duty)  
I am content that the mad Ferdinand  
Shall sojourn in my house for his recovery.  Men. 
'tis thought you were the groundwork of his frenzy  
The Doctors therefore moved their honours to it  
For that your frequent presence may be helpful  
Towards his care.  Str. 
He shall have it then  
Towards the expiation of the crime  
They charge me with. But in case sir Andrew  
He should be cured by this means, I should then  
Cross you in fortune and your future hopes  
Of his estate; which you have begged you say  
If he recover not.  Men. 
I must leave that to fortune Madam.  Str. 
Will you be pleased sir to take notice of  
These Gentlemen my friends. They may be useful Salute  
For they have all projective brains I tell you.  Men. 
Pray of what nature are your Projects Gentlemen?  Cou. 
Sir my affection leans much to Poetry, especially the dramatic.  Men. 
Writing of strange Plays?  Cou. 
I am glad I speak sir, to your understanding. And my project is that no Plays may be admitted to the Stage, but of their making who Profess or endeavour to live by the quality: That no Courtiers, Divines, Students at Law, Lawyers-clearks, Tradesmen or Prentices be allowed to write 'em, nor the Works of any lay-Poet whatsoever to be received to the Stage, though freely given unto the Actors, nay though any such Poet should give a sum of money with his Play, as with an Apprentice, unless the Author do also become bound that it shall do true and faithful service for a whole Term.  Men. 
Here's a trim business towards, and as idle as the Players going to Law with their Poets.  Cou. 
I have another sir, to procure a Patent for myself to have the only privilege to give instructions to all the actors in the City, (especially the younger sort) the better to enable them to speak their parts emphatically and to the life.  Men. 
You were best take heed in time then that you well preserve your own voice, for fear you do a spoil among 'em in teaching 'em to utter in unsavoury tunes. Do I come hither to be mocked?  Sw. 
Will you hear mine though? I am a Country Gentleman, young, healthful and lusty. I hear complaints of barrenness in the City; and of men that cannot get their wives with child; Get me but a Patent for't I'll undertake by myself and deputies (provided that the woman be sound and handsome) to make them multiply, and upon reasonable conditions: we will deal with the rich for money, and the poor for charity.  Men. 
This is foolisher than t'other. Do you abuse me Gentlemen?  Sw. 
Is that a wise man's question? you cannot tell th'o.  Cit. 
We have our projects too Sir.  Men. 
I would have yours first, you see me a civil and substantial Gentleman.  Dai. 
In more private if you please Sir.  Men. 
I like well his reservedness.  Dai. 
Sir I am a Picture-drawer Limner, or Painter (if you please) and would gladly purchase authority, by myself and deputies, for the painting of all the Kings, and Queenshead signs for Taverns, Inns, Ale houses, and all Houses and Shops of Trade throughout the Kingdom upon this ground that they draw and hang up their royal Images for signs in so hideous manner that men bless themselves to see't.  Men. 
I marry this hangs upon some ground. But are you an exquisite workman in that art sir?  Dai. 
I am an Artist in that mystery sir, and have drawn some of his Majesty's Pictures (by copy only but) so to the life, that Gentlemen have kneeled to 'em for suits, and knighthoods.  Men. 
Indeed sir!  Dai. 
Yes sir, and great Lords I have pictured so powerfully, their own followers suddenly rushing into the room have started back and solemnly stood bare to 'em as they hung o'the walls.  Men. 
Is't possible!  Dai. 
I drew a stern Judge, and a civil Lawyer so to the life, that after their corpse were in the Grave, a man durst not look upon their pictures without a bribe, or double fee in's hand.  Men. 
I do admire you!  Dai. 
I ha' drawn Ladies too, with that alluring beauty, that men have loved their dead pictures, for their painted looks, more than their living persons for all their virtues.  Men. 
Thou boy! introth you abuse me most merrily Gentlemen. Go.  Str. 
An excellent fellow: I like him for that fancy more than all the rest.  Cit. 
Pray hear my project too sir?  Str. 
Yes good sir Andrew, you shall not part so abruptly.  Cit. 
Mine is a good common wealth's business, against the common Plague, that reigns i' th' City of Pickpockets, and Cutpurses. I myself ha' been robbed today, and am going to a good member that deals in private for the recoveries of such goods: One that shall undertake if you'll but get a Patent, for a Cutpurse-hall, or Office, to help all men to their own again, allowing but the Tithes of their Losses, and freeing the offending parties.  Men. 
Fie, fie. Here's tithing indeed.  Cit. 
Provided that notice be brought to the Office within four and twenty hours after any such loss.  Men. 
Enough, enough.  Cit. 
we may by the same course secure the Counties too, and make the hangman hang himself.  Men. 
Let every man be wise enough to look to his purse, and there will be no Cutpurses, nor need of your patent.  Sw. 
As wise a man as you may lose his purse tho', as I ha' done myself in a crowed.  Men. 
He puts me in mind of a crowd I was in once today of company I liked not— ha—. For heaven 'tis gone: And I dare not discover it for being laughed at.  Cou. 
It seems none of your Projects will pass with you sir Andrew.  Str. 
Come sir, they are but (as you said) merry with you.  Men. 
Be you merry with them good Madam, you know the serious work I came about. In which I suddenly shall presume to give you a revisit.  Str. 
Pray do sir Andrew, bring your Madman. My garden Lodgings shall be his bedlam. Come gentlemen 'tis dinnertime.  Cou. 
We are your waiters Madam. Exeunt Omnes.    

ACT III.  

SCENE I.  Enter Philomel, Mendicant, Doctor. Ph. 
THese are the Lodgings, that my Lady appointed  
For your distracted patient.  Men. 
Like you 'em Doctor.  Doct. 
Exceeding well. Excuse me Gentlewoman  
That now entreat your absence.  Ph. 
Willingly. I am not taken with the sight you bring  
For I see mad-folks enough every day. Exit.  Doct. 
Here set him down. Unbind him, and unblind him. Ferdinand brought in a chair bound and hooded, etc.  Fer. 
Am I then taken prisoner in the North?  
Wounded, disarmed and bound? I shall be ransomed  
To which of your rebelliously usurped  
Castles ha' you brought me? you sir Presbyter,  
That better can pugnare then orare,  
And so abjure all duty and allegiance—  Men. 
He takes you for a Northern Pastor Mr. Doctor.  Doct. 
No matter what, let him run out his fancy.  Fer. 
You were best to use me well; and like a soldier  
Order will else be ta'en (though you know none.)  Doct. 
You shall have all best usage sir.  Fer. 
And use my horse well too, and let my horse and armour  
Be decently preserved and seen forthcoming  
At my redemption.  Doct. 
With all best care sir.  Fer. 
For I shall soon be sent for, or fetched off  
With ruin of your country 'bout your ears.  Doct. 
You shall have all content the country yields sir.  Fer. 
I shall have Oat-bread, Ale, and Bagpipes, shall I?  Doct. 
If you'll be merry sir.  Fer. 
Merry! why not? come let's ha' cards; and you and I to cribbage  
For an odd hundred pound, I mean not Scotch,  
But sterling English pieces, where's your money?  
All gone in Ammunition, and charge Military.  Doct. 
I'll find you money enough.  Fer. 
O here's a third man, let's then to Gleek.  Men. 
Crown Gleek sir, if you please.  Fer. 
Crown Gleek! no more?  
You seem to be a thrifty Covenanter  
To play but at crown Gleek, whole piece Gleek or nothing.  Men. 
High as you please sir, we'll find money enough,  
And pay us but our buyings.  Fer. 
Sir, you must bear me Aces. You will play Tib and Tom.  Doct. 
All i' the Cards sir.  Fer. 
Away with cards. Bring dice, set all at hazard,  
And though I lose all, I have yet a project  
That at the end o'th' war, and the great sitting  
Shall fetch all in again. But O my Muse!  
How dare I so neglect thy inspirations?  
Give me Pen, Ink and Paper.  Doct. 
All's ready.  Fer. 
Now will I write, nor will I emulate  
Ovid's smooth vain, or Petrarch's buskined style.  
Nor Laura, nor Corinna did deserve  
To have their prayers written in such Verse  
As I'll bestow on her that I adore.  
Listen to me you blessed Intelligences,  
And, Phoebus, stay thy course to hear me sing  
Her praises, for whose love th' enamoured Gods  
Would leave their proper seats, and in stolen shapes,  
Converse with mortals, your soul-ravishing spheres  
Send forth your sweetest harmony whilst I sing—  
But O she is disdainful; and her scorn  
Hath blotted all the glory of her praise,  
Away, away with all.  Doct. 
Now sir, do you observe the root of his Disease?  Men. 
I guess at it, know you the remedy?  Fer. 
Disease! what's that? who is diseased? who wants a Remedy?  
Are you sir a Physician?  Men. 
This Gentleman is, and brings you remedy, be you patient.  Doct. 
O you will move him.  Fer. 
You are a brace of Quacks,  
That tie your knowledge unto days and hours  
Marked out for good or ill i' th' Almanac.  
Your best Receipts are candy for a cold;  
And Carduus Benedictus for an ague,  
Could you give life as Aesculapius  
Did to unjustly slain Hippolytus,  
You could prescribe no remedy for me.  
Go study Galen, and Hippocrates,  
And when your rare simplicities have found  
Simples to cure the Lunacy of Love,  
Compose a potion, and administered  
Unto the Family at Amsterdam.  Doct. 
I'll Physic you tomorrow and allay  
The heat of this strong fit, or leech it out.  Enter sir Raphael. Ra. 
I have ventured to this house again, assured  
That now the humorous Lady is from home  
Forgetting not her Love-trick put upon me  
Which she already boasts to my disgrace  
For which I may requite her Ladyship,  
How does your patient? asleep! That's well.  Men. 
No he's but silent sir, and it is well  
That he is so, so long.  Ra. 
The Lords in honourable regard unto  
His health directed me to visit him.  Fer. 
Who's that?  Ra. 
Do you not know me sir?  Fre. 
You are (I take't) the Ghost of Dionysius  
The great tyrannical court-schoolmaster.  Ra. 
Your Friends at Court commend them to you Sir.  Fer. 
What hither, unto hell? Extend their loves  
So far, to find me out? Pray let 'em know  
That here's a trobled world in want of Statesmen.  
But tell the youths and beauties there, they never  
Shall find a happier opportunity  
To raise a new Plantation. They'll drive all  
Before 'em here. For pride is at a stand;  
Fashions are all worn out, and no invention  
For new here to be found: all beauty's lost;  
Nor have the greatest Ladies here the act  
To make so much as their poor Chambermaids:  
Let 'em come down, as many of the Gallants  
As are made weary of their Wives or Mistresses;  
And, of those Wives and Mistresses, as many  
As can their husbands, or their servants spare:  
And what a year of holidays, a Jubilee  
Shall we have in hell then? Ha' old Lad!  Ra. 
What a wild fancy's this!  Doct. 
Cross it not good sir.  Ra. 
Pray give me leave to touch it though, a little.  Fer. 
But above all, find out the Lady Strangelove  
That humorous Madam, and tell her from me,  
The many Lovers she has sent before her  
Into these shades (where we can find no torments  
Like those that she inflicted) have prevailed  
With the great Queen Proserpina, that she  
Shall be in place next to her royal person.  Ra. 
The Lady Strangelove! you are in her house sir,  
Where do you think you are? or who you are?  
Pray call yourself to mind sir, are not you  
The noble Cavalier and hopeful Courtier  
The most accomplished Knight sir Ferdinando?  Doct. 
Forbear sir, you will move him strongly else.  Ra. 
I have authority for what I do sir,  
Can you forget yourself sir, or neglect  
The bounteous fortunes, that the Court and Kingdom  
Have in store for you, both for past Achievements,  
And for the large endowments of court-virtue  
Are found still growing in you, studied and practised  
So to the life, as if you were built up  
Virtues own Mansion, on her four firm pillars?—  Men. 
I hope he cannot flatter him into's wits  
When 'tis the way to fool men out of 'em.  Ra. 
The Wisdom, Justice, Magnanimity,  
And temperance of court you are exactly  
Framed and composed of, and endued with all  
The excellencies that may adorn a man  
By Nature, Fortune, Art and Industry!  
And all this glorious light to be eclipsed;  
And such Divine perfections seem to sleep?  Fer. 
Pray sir your ear.  Ra. 
Sir, most attentively.  Fer. 
What do you think of Salisbury steeple sir,  
For a fit hunting spear t' encounter with  
The whore of Babylon? might I not firk her think you?  Men. 
Your Doctrine does not edify sir Raphael.  Fer. 
Is Orator Demosthenes grown dumb  
O'th' sudden? what! no answer? give me a Knife  
He is but tongue-tied.  Ra: 
Guard me Divinity.  Doct. 
I told you what you would do.  Men. 
Patience good sir.  Fer. 
Patience in tortures?  Doct. 
Help here suddenly!  Enter Servants. Fer. 
Do you sally forth in troops? Have I no troop?  
Give me my horse and arms, and come a hundred.  Doct. 
we'll arm and horse you, since you're so unruly,  
Away with him into his Bedchamber.  Fer. 
O do you make me then your Knight o' th' shire A tun o' Wine for that. Shoulder your Knight, advance your Knight, bear him out. Manent Men.  Al. 
A Ferdinand, a Ferdinand, etc.  sir Rap. Men. 
This now to me is Music, Golden-chimes  
That rings all in with an assured advantage,  
How now Sir Raphael! Frighted?  Ra. 
In all my disputations all my travails,  
And all conspiracies that have been had  
Against me, never met I an encounter  
By man, or spirit that I feared so much,  
Yet here's another fury.  Enter Strangelove. Str. 
By what oppression or tyranny (for Law  
I'm sure could never do't) is my house here  
Confiscated or usurped, and I become your slave?  Men. 
How Madam?  Str. 
Your slave, lay your commands on me, what drudgery do you appoint me to?  Ra. 
she's mad too.  Men. 
Did not your Ladyship give way?  Str. 
To make my house a hell?  
The noise of Bedlam is soft Music to 't.  
Could your Projectorship find no house else  
To make a madman madder in but mine?  
And me as mad as he too with the trouble.  Men. 
I was no principle in't good Madam. Exit.  Str. 
Was it your plot then sir Philosophaster,  
That so you might under pretext of reading  
Philosophy to him, to cure his madness  
Make your address to me to prosecute  
Your Love-suite when I thought I had answered you,  
But if you must proceed, o'ercome me if you can,  
Yet let me warn you to take heed withal  
You pull not a disease unto you, that may  
By your ungoverned haste post into  
Your grave: for I shall prove a torment to you,  
Though you'll take no denial, take yet a warning.  Ra. 
I take it to forsake your house; and never  
More to resort where madness reigns. Did I  
Make love to you?  Str. 
Pardon me virtuous sir, it is my love to you that tortures me into this wild distraction. O sit Raphael.  Ra. 
Now virtue guide me. I will shun this place  
More than I would the Spanish Inquisition.  Str. 
I shall in time be rid of all such Guests,  
And have the liberty of mine own house  
With mine own company, and to mine own ends  
Where are you Phil? I were but dead if I had not this wench to fool withal sometimes.  Enter Phil. Phil. 
Madam.  Str. 
I must be a little serious with you, shut the door.  Phi. 
Now am I called into correction,  
When she is vexed and wants the company  
She likes, then come I into question,  
'Tis common among Ladies with their women.  Str. 
Why that down look, as if you meant to fetch  
An answer, or excuse out of your Apron-strings  
Before you are charged or questioned? what new faule  
Has passed of late?  Phi. 
Do you read any Madam  
Upon my face or looks? I never was in love  
Much with my face, nor ever hated it. But if I thought  
It had upon't, or in it, any trespass  
Against your Ladyship (my heart being clear)  
These Nails should claw it out. Tear.  Str. 
Nay be not passionate Phil. I know you cannot  
Forget the care I have had of you; nor should you  
Distrust me in the promises I have made you,  
Bearing yourself according to your covenant Phil,  
Of which one Article is to laugh with me.  Ph. 
Go, you are such a Lady, ha, ha, ha.  Str. 
Now thou com'st to me wench: hadst forgot?  Phi. 
You said you would be serious.  Str. 
Dost not thou know my seriousness is to laugh in private,  
And that thou art bound to stir that humour in me?  
There's but two things more conditioned in thy service;  
To do what I bid thee, and tell me the truth  
In all things that I ask thee.  Phi. 
I Madam, you had never known that same else.  Str. 
Of the clap thou hadst i'the Country ere I took thee,  
But hast thou faithfully kept thine own e'er since?  Phi. 
Yes most severely Madam on your promise—  Str. 
Well we will have a husband then to solder up the old crack,  
I have already made my choice for you:  
Your sweetheart Cit-wit makes most suit to you,  
And has a good Estate, and wit enough  
Too for a husband, and a handsome person.  Phi. 
I find no fault in all that. But he is  
So base a coward, that he may be soon  
Beaten out of his wit and money.  Str. 
But if he should prove valiant!  Phi. 
If he were valiant now I could say something,  
But to wait for growing to't were such a loss of time.  Str. 
What say to swainwit?  Phi. 
he's the other's extreme. I might fear him but never love him.  Str. 
What think you of my special favourite Mr. Courtwit?  Phi. 
As of a Courtier Madam, that has tasted  
So much of all waters, that when he has a fountain of his own  
he'll be too jealous of it.  
And feared that every man will drink of's cup  
When perhaps none dares touch it, were I it.  Str. 
What say to Dainty than the curious Limner?  Phi. 
I am bound from lying. Madam he's the man.  Str. 
Well I'll take thy cause in hand wench: But yet we are not merry. I am inclined most jovially to mirth methinks. Pray Jove some good be towards. Laugh or I'll pinch you, till you do.  Phi. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, Madam, ha, ha, ha. O the picture drawer! ha, ha, ha.  Str. 
ay, come, the Picture drawer.  Phi. 
O, I love drawing and painting, as no Lady better, who for the most part are of their occupation that profess it. And shall I tell all Madam?  Str. 
By all means Phil.— now she's entered.  Phil. 
I hope I am handsome enough too. For I have heard that Limners or Picture-drawers, do covet to have the fairest and best featured wives, (or if not wives, Mistresses) that they can possibly purchase, to draw naked Pictures by, as of Diana, Venus, Andromeda, Leda, or the like, either virtuous or lascivious; whom they make to sit or stand naked in all the several postures, and to lie as many ways to help their art in drawing, who knows how I may set his fancy a work? and with modesty enough. We were all naked once, and must be so again. I could sit for the naked Shepherdess, with one Leg over the t'other Knee, picking the Thorn out of her Foot most neatly, to make the Satire peep under.  Str. 
Well thou shalt have him.  Boy. 
Mistress Philomel. Within.  Str. 
Let in the Boy. Now sir your news?  Boy. 
The mad knight's Doctor Madam entreats to speak with you.  Str. 
Now seeks he my assistance in his cure.  Boy. 
And Mr. Courtwit, and the other Gentlemen are below.  Str. 
Go you and entertain the Gentlemen, while I consult with the Doctor, let him enter.  Enter Doctor. 
Now Mr. Doctor! you come to ask my counsel I know for your impatient Patient. But let me tell you first, the most learned Authors, that I can turn over; as Dioscorides, Avicen, Galen, and Hippocrates are much discrepant in their opinions concerning the remedies for his disease.  Doct. 
Madam—  Str. 
Therefore I trust you'll pardon my weakness, if my opinion jumps not altogether with your judgement.  Doc. 
Madam, my purpose was not—  Str. 
My purpose is to advise you though, that, if his Frenzy proceed from love as you conjecture, that you administer of the roots of Hellebore, destilled together with Saltpetre, and the flowers of blind Nettles, I'll give you the proportions, and the quantity is to take.  Doc. 
Mistake not me good Madam—  Str. 
But if his Malady grow out of ambition, and his over weening hopes of greatness (as I conjecture) than he may take atop of Cedar, or an oak-apple is very sovereign with the spirit of Hempseed.  Do. 
Madam, I seek no counsel in this case, my cunning is—  Str. 
To let me know, that that part of my house which I allow you is too little for you.  Do. 
she's surely mad.  Str. 
But you must claim possession of the rest, You are come to warn me out on't; are you not?  Doc. 
Mistake not so good Madam.  Str. 
Or do you call my attendance on his person, by way of a Nursekeeper? I can do little service.  Doc. 
For my part Madam I am sorry we are made the trouble of your house, and rather wish me out on't than your favour. But if your Ladyship will be pleased to entertain with patience the little I have to say.  Stra. 
Come to it quickly then.  Doc. 
First, let me tell you Madam, as 'tis manifest  
You were the cause of his distraction,  
You're bound in charity to yield such means  
(With safety of your honour and estate)  
As you may render for his restoration  
Which of all the earthly means depends on you  
If I know any thing in my profession.  Str. 
Come to the point, you'd have me visit him.  Doc. 
True Madam: for a sight of you, shall more  
Allure his reason to him, than all medicine  
Can be prescribed.  Str. 
By your favour sir, you say  
Saving my honour and estate I am bound,  
But may I with the safety of my Life,  
And limbs, and a whole skin dare venture.  Doc. 
My life o' that.  Str. 
You might more safely lay  
Lives of a hundred Patients.  Doc. 
Now he's calm,  
Now shall he see you, but at most secure  
And modest distance.  Str. 
Come for once I'll trust you. Exit.  Enter Swaynwit, and Cit-wit. Sw. 
Come out into the Garden here; and let them talk within, I say he shall talk with her; and his belly full, and do with her too, her belly full, for all thou: an honest discreet Gentleman, and thou a coward and a coxcomb. Besides he has an art and quality to live upon, and maintain her Ladylike, when all thy money may be gone. And yet thou prat'st o' thy two thousand pound at use, when thou and thy money too are but an ass and's load tho'.  Cit. 
Well, you may speak your pleasure. This is no cause to fight for.  Sw. 
I'll make thee fight, or promise to fight with me, or somebody else before we part, or cut thee into pieces.  Enter Courtwit. Cou. 
But tell me seriously dost thou love my Lady's woman so well as to marry her, and suffer the Picture-drawer now to court her privately, and perhaps to draw and carry her from thee?  Cit. 
Why he here will have it so you see, and pulled me out.  Sw. 
It is to do a cure upon thee, coward.  Cit. 
Coward! pish! a common Name to men in buff and feather. I scorn to answer to't.  Sw. 
Why dost thou wear a Sword? only to hurt men's feet that kick thee?  Cou. 
Nay you are too severe.  Sw. 
Pray hold your peace. I'll jowl your heads together, and so beat tun with t'other else. Why dost thou were a Sword I say?  Cit. 
To fight when I see cause.  Cou. 
Now he says something, yet, and may be curable.  Sw. 
What is a cause to fight for?  Cit. 
I am not to tell you that sir, It must be found out and given me before I ought to take notice.  Cou. 
You may safely say for Religion, King or Country.  Sw. 
dar'st thou fight for Religion? say.  Cit. 
Who that has any Religion will fight I say?  Sw. 
I say thou hast none. Speak, hast thou any?  Cit. 
Truly, in this wavering world I know not how to answer.  Sw. 
La you. he'll say he has no King neither, rather than fight.  Cou. 
Why if he will not fight for him he is no Subject, and no Subject no King.  Cit. 
I thank you sir, I would ha' said so.  Sw. 
O thou wouldst make a special Soldier now!  Cit. 
Well sir, all are not choice dogs that run, some are taken in to make up the cry.  Sw. 
And for thy Country, I dare swear thou wouldst rather run it then fight for't.  Cit. 
Run my Country I cannot, for I was borne i'the City. I am no clown to run my Country.  Sw. 
dar'st thou tell me of clowns thou cockney chicken-hearted whelp thou?  Cit. 
Forbear good sir, there are country Gentlemen as well as clowns, and for the rank I honour you.  Sw. 
Sirrah you lie, strike me for that now; or I will beat thee abominably.  Cou. 
Up to him man: wilt thou suffer all?  Cit. 
I would— but—  Sw. 
You lie I say again.  Cit. 
I think I do, I think I do, and why should I maintain an evil cause?  Sw. 
The wench thou lov'st and dotest on is a whore.  Cit. 
Sir, if she be 'tis not my fault, nor hers: somebody else made her so then I warrant you. But should another man tell me so!  Sw. 
What then?  Cit. 
I would say as much to him as to you. Nor indeed is any man's report of that a sufficient cause to provoke me unless she herself confessed it, and then it were no cause at all.  Sw. 
Here's a true City wit now.  Cit. 
I should have wit sir, and am accounted a wit within the walls, I am sure my Father was Master of his company, and of the wisest company too i'the city.  Cou. 
What company's that?  Cit. 
The Salter's sir. For sal sapit omnia you know.  Sw. 
Your Father was a cuckold tho', and you the Son of a whore.  Cou. 
Fight now or you'll die infamous, was your Mother a whore?  Sw. 
Deny't and dar'st, say, was she not?  Cit. 
Comparatively she might be in respect of some holy woman, the Lady Ramsey, Mistress Katherine Stubbs and such, ha, ha. Is that a cause?  Cou. 
What! not to say your Mother was a whore?  Cit. 
He may say his pleasure, It hurts her not: she is dead and gone. Besides, at the best she was but a woman, and at the worst she might have her frailties like other women. And is that a cause for me to fight for the dead, when we are forbidden to pray for'em?  Cou 
But were your Mother living now, what would you say or do?  Cit. 
Why, I would civilly ask her if she were a whore? If she confessed it, than he were in the right, and I ought not to fight against him: for my cause were nought. If she denied it, than he were in an error, and his cause were nought, and I would not fight, 'twere better he should live to repent his error.  Sw. 
Nay, now if I do not kill thee let me be hanged for idleness. Draw.  Cit. 
Hold I am unprepared.  Sw. 
I care not— unless thou swear presently, and without all equivocation upon this sword—  Cit. 
Scabbard and all I pray sir, The cover of the book is allowed in courts to swear upon.  Sw. 
Well sir, now you shall swear to challenge the next that wrongs you. sheathes it.  Cit. 
Yes, if the wrong give me sufficient cause.  Cou. 
Cause again! suppose that fellow within should take your wench from you? which very likely he has done already: for I left 'em close on a couch together Kissing and—  Cit. 
Gi' me the book, I'll have her from him, or him from her if he be without her belly, or Kill him if he be within her.  Sw. 
'tis well a cause may be found at last tho'.  Cou. 
I like a man, whom neither Lie, Kick, battoun, scandal, Friends, or Parents, the wrongs of Country, King or Religion can move, that will, yet, fight for his wench. Thou wilt be one of the stiff blades o' the time I see.  Sw. 
A wench is a moving cause: Unseen  Str. 
Help, help, here help— ha— Above.  Sw. 
Why dost not draw and run in upon 'em?  Cit. 
After you I will sir.  Sw. 
A pox upon thee art thou down again?  Cit. 
No sir, I am drawn you see.  Str. 
Help, help, a rape, a rape, murder, help! Draw all  Sw. Cou. 
'tis time to fly then.  Enter Dainty (his sword drawn) and Philomel. Cit. 
I come my Philomel.  Cou. 
What's the matter Phil?  Dai. 
What cry was that?  Sw. 
Was it not you that caused it sir?  Phi. 
Was it not here?  Cit. 
Was it not you that cried?  Str. 
Is there help, help, help? Above.  Phi. 
O 'tis my Lady in the madman's chamber. Is her mirth come to this?  Sw. 
Where, which way?  Phi. 
Here, here the door's made fast. Exe. omnes  Sw. 
I'll break it open. Pret. Cit. his sword drawn.  Doc. 
Help here, help the Lady; help the Lady. Doctor looks out above.  Cit. 
We are a coming, you shall have help enough  
I warrant, what's the matter? you shall not lack for help— Flourish his sword.  Fer. 
Away Medusa. Hence, thou hast transformed me. Stone, stone, I am all stone. Bring mortar and make a bulwark of me. Above unseen  Cit. 
O that's the Madman! How madly he talks!  Fer. 
Hold me not down.  Cit. 
Stones to make a bulwark quoth 'a! If he had but to make a brace of Demy-culvering bullets, they were thumpers I think.  Fer. 
Hold me not down, but rear me up, and make me my own statue.  Enter Strangelove, Swain-wit, Courtwit, Dainty. Phil. Str. 
Was ever such a practice?  Cou. 
A mere accident of madness.  Str. 
I say it was a practice in the Doctor.  Dai. 
Yet he called out for help.  Str. 
You had broke up the door first. That was but to colour his treachery.  Sw. 
A new way, and a very learned one I promise you; to cure madness with a plaster of warm Lady-gutts.  Cit. 
He would ha' had a mad bout with my Lady it seems. He would ha' vented his madness into her. And she could ha' drawn better than the Leeches.  Cou. 
If you believe this Madam, tho' sir Ferdinand be by his madness excusable in the attempt, you ought to be revenged upon the Doctor.  Sw. 
Let's cut him into pieces Madam.  Str. 
I'll think upon some way to make him a dreadful example to all the Pandarean Doctors i' the Town. Come in Gentlemen, and help me with your advices.  Cit. 
You shall want no advice Madam. No strength,  
Let's go sir. He snatcheth Phil. from Dainty, who took her by the arm.  Ph. 
What mean you Mr. Cit-wit?  Cit. 
I have sworn. Therefore I say no more, but I have sworn. Exeunt Omnes;    

ACT IV.  

SCENE I.  Enter Frederick Gabriel. Fre. 
THou art so honest, that I am ashamed  
The vice of Anger blinded so my Reason,  
As not to see through thy transparent breast  
A true and noble heart; such as becomes  
A Kinsman and a friend to her I love;  
I can see now, and read thy integrity,  
And, by the light of that th' inhuman falsehood  
Of that Court-monster, that compacted piece  
Of Rapine, pride and Lust.  Gab. 
Yet this is he  
That did aspire to be a glorious Courtier.  Fre. 
Courtier? A mere vain glorious imposture;  
Pretending favour, having nothing less.  
Witness his want of Merit. Merit only  
It is that smooths the brow of Majesty,  
And takes the comfort of those precious beauties  
Which shine from grace Divine: and he's a Traitor  
(No way to stand a courtier) that to feed  
His Lusts, and Riots, works out of his Subjects  
The means, by forging grants of the king's favour.  Gab. 
What my master has suffered by his forgeries  
I know to be the Shipwreck even of all  
Except his Daughter, and what his aim at her  
Was I think appears to you; And what she might  
Have suffered by't we both may guess: only we hope  
Her virtue would have been a guard to her beauty.  Fre. 
'tis plain he never loved her virtuously  
That is fallen mad for another.  Gab. 
That madness is his fate; which renders him into my master's hands to restore all again. ay, note the Justice of it.  Fre. 
But as his fortune by the other's ruin  
Shall be advanced, I shall be more rejected.  Gab. 
That foul mistrust much misbecomes a Love  
Rejected sir? by whom? Charissa's constant to you,  
And time will clear his frowns: and put you on  
Now, the same confidence you had before;  
His wanting fortune raised a storm against you,  
Your noble friend Sir Raphael has already  
By learned reasons and court-oratory  
Prevailed for you to visit her: and now  
You're come within the verge o'th' house, do you shrink?  
See, a good Omen, they issue forth to meet you.  Enter Mendicant, sir Raphael, Charissa. Men. 
I'll hear no more on't sir, and am much sorry  
That so much Lip-labour is spent already  
Upon so vain a Subject.  
Give me leave then  
To wonder at your light inconstancy,  
Your want of resolution: yea of judgement.  Gab. 
He is flown off again.  Ra. 
Did you not give me leave to send for him;  
Who, now is come to tender his affection  
Unto your Daughter?  Men. 
Did not you first promise Fred Char. and Gab. aside  
To give assurance of fit jointure for her,  
Proportionable to her dowry, which  
You now are started from?  Ra. 
I understood not  
Nor can yet understand more of her dowry  
Then a thousand pound which her Uncle left her,  
And answerably to that I will make good her jointure.  Men. 
O you are short sir,  
I mean to make her worth ten thousand more  
Out of my estate in the mad Ferdinand.  
Another ten thousand to redeem my Land,  
Ten thousand more, I'll keep in bank for purchase.  Ra. 
A judgement's fallen upon him: he's mad too;  
Struck lunatic with his o'erweening hopes  
Sprung from the other's misery.  Men. 
And so sir, as you came you may depart:  
For 'less you bring a thousand pound per annum  
T'assure upon her, she's no wife for you.  Fre. 
O sir, you had better left me in that peace  
I lately slept in, without any hope  
Of seeing her again, then by your summons  
To startle me back from a quiet death  
To Kill me thus with Tantalising tortures.  Men. 
Thank then your learned friend, who failed me in  
His undertaking for you, and for her  
If walls and locks can hold her, she no more  
Shall tantalise you.  Ra. 
Wherein have I failed sir?  Men. 
Sir, in assuring jointure to her Dowry.  Ra. 
Sir to no possible dowry you can give her,  
But you propound the estate you have i' th' Moon;  
When shall you take possession, think you, of your  
Lordship of Lunacy in the Cynthian Orb?  Men. 
I shall climb thither sir without the help  
Of your Heaven-scaling ladder of Philosophy.  Ra. 
Nay then sir hear me.  Men. 
What in private sir?  Fre. 
Remember, sweet, your vow.  Cha. 
Most constantly. And let me conjure you by this. Kiss.  Fre. 
And this—  Cha. 
That you forget not yours.  Gab. 
Quick, quick! I'll stand before you.  Cha. 
And time at length will point us out a means  
After a short long-seeming separation  
To meet and reunite our vows and faiths  
With greater strength and fervour.  Men. 
Ha! I'll part you.  
Was it for that you whispered, politic sir?  
And couldst thou stand their screen? thou treacherous varlet out of my doors.  Gab. 
For what offence?  Men. 
dar'st thou expostulate?  
Thou death deserving Villain. Hurts him.  
And housewife get you in: you may depart sirs  
Has your love blinded you? I'll lead you then.  Ra. 
Madness at height.  Men. 
Will you along!  Cha. 
O sir you are unkind.  
Love then a wilful father is less blind. Exit.  Ra. 
Friend, has he hurt thee?  Gab. 
I am sure I bleed for't.  Ra. 
Why how now Frederick? despair not man.  
He has vexed me; and out of my vexation  
Shall spring thy comfort. I will labour for thee,  
I'll study nothing more than to beguile  
This watchful fury; this Hisperian Dragon.  
Say to thyself and boldly she's thine own,  
And for thy means, (Basta) let me alone.  Fre. 
You are my noble Patron.  Gab. 
Turned away:  
As I was his servingman, I am rewarded;  
'tis common with us creatures to served so:  
But, as I am no more his servant, I  
Am free to vindicate myself out of  
The wrong done to my blood (which is the same  
With his,) by him rejected and despised.  Enter Cit-wit. Cit. 
Sir Andrew Mendicant at home?  Gab. 
Not to be spoken with at this time sir.  Cit. 
Pray let him know that the Lady Strangelove  
Requires him suddenly to remove his Madman  
Out of her house; or she must take a course  
Much to his disadvantage.  Gab. 
In good time sir.  Cit. 
This is a surly fellow, and tho' I have sworn  
The humour of fighting is scarce warm in me yet,  
And she advises him to find a better Doctor for him,  
For this has taken a wrong course.  Gab. 
Say you so sir?  Cit. 
I'll tell't you as a secret. The Physician thought to have cured his patient, (who has been a notable Gamester at In and In) between my lady's legs. If I and two or three more (but chiefly myself indeed) had not rescued her, the Doctor had held the Lady-cow to the Mad-bull.  Gab. 
May I believe this?  Cit. 
He thinks I lie now. And should he gi' me the lie, the virtue of my Oath were questionable.  Gab. 
Is this upon your knowledge sir?  Cit. 
True upon my life. So farewell honest friend. Exit  Gab. 
This may prove sport and business too.  Ra. 
We will do something suddenly.  Gab. 
What if you take me into that something too?  
I guess it is some stratagem to beguile  
The cautious father of his injured daughter.  Ra. 
This fellow will betray us.  Fre. 
I will venture  
All that I have, my fortune in Charissa  
On his his fidelity, sir his thoughts are mine.  Ra. 
Cupid and Mercury favour our design. Ex. Om.   

ACT IV. SCENE II.  Enter Courtwit, and Doctor. Cou. 
YOur judgement (by your favour) Mr. Doctor  
Much failed you in that case.  Doc. 
Your reason yet may plead  
Mine innocence, that drew her but to visit him.  Cou. 
But that drew on his fury; and though reason  
May argue much for you, she can hear none,  
Nor any understand: The swift affrightment  
Upon her strength of passion, struck so deep  
A sense into her, that is has deprived her  
Of all her proper senses. She is even mad sir.  Doc. 
Not past my cure; and by a present means  
Pray, win her hither to see a madder object  
Then is herself, and see how that will work.  Cou. 
I'll gladly add my pains unto your skill. Exit.  Doc. 
Come forth into the air. Conduct him gently.  Enter Frederick with the servants. Fre. 
Into the air! Set me upon Mount Lathmos,  
Where I may see, and contemplate the beauty  
Of my adored Diana; or carry me  
Up to Hymettus' top, Cithaeron, Othris or Pindus'  
Where she affects to walk and take the air;  
Or tarry, stay, perhaps she hunts today  
I' th' woods of Marathon, or Erymanthus.  Doc. 
That's a long journey sir.  Fre. 
You're a long bearded fool.  Doc. 
I thought I had been a Physician. But sir  
You shall not need t' expose yourself to travel,  
Your Goddess will descend into this Garden,  
Pass but time here a while and she'll come to you.  Fre. 
We will have jovial pastime. Shall we run  
At base, or leap frog, or dance naked  
To entertain her, or what do you think  
Of downright drink and singing?  Doc. 
That's best of all.  Fer. 
Let's have a mad catch then.  Enter court-swain. Strangelove. Cou. 
Here Madam may you see the madman's Revels.  Sw. 
And after that the doctor's Tragicomedy.  Fer. 
Are not your wind pipes tuned yet? Sing  
A Catch.  
So now a Dance, I am all air— Ahaigh— Ahaigh  
I thank thee Mercury that hast lent thy wings  
Unto my feet. Play me my Country Dance,  
Stand all you by. These Lasses and these Swains  
Are for my Company.  He Dances a conceited Country Dance, first doing his honours, then as leading forth his Lass. He danceth both man and woman's actions, as if the Dance consisted of two or three couples, at last as offering to Kiss his Lass, he fancies that they are all vanished, and espies Strangelove. 
How now! all vanished, ha!  
It is no marvel that the lesser lights  
Become obscured when Cynthia appears,  
Let me with Adoration fall before  
Thy Deity great Goddess.  Str. 
Keep him from me.  Sw. 
You must approach no nearer sir. The Goddess  
Is not so confident in her Divinity  
As to trust you in reach of her.  Cou. 
Keep back sir.  Fer. 
What Hydra's, Gorgon's, and Chimaeras are you;  
centaurs and Harpies that dare interpose  
Between my hopes, and my felicity!  Cou. 
Doctor, away with him.  Doc. 
Carry him to his Chamber,  
And hold him down. His raging fit is on him  Fer. 
Was Night made to surprise men at Noonday?  
Or shall the charms of Hecate take force  
To dim Appolle's brightness? So't must be,  
When Gods themselves give way to Destine. Exiunt with Ferd.  Sw. 
They are enough to hold, and bind him too. Swa. pulls back the Doctor.  
Come you afore the Lady.  Doct. 
What's her pleasure?  Sw. 
'tis to do Justice upon thee O Doctor  
Stir, or cry out, or give the least resistance,  
And I will cut thy head off before judgement.  Doct. 
What outrage do you intend?  Cou. 
Outrage! Can you think of an outrage above the horror you offered to this Lady, To violate her chastity? her honour?  Doct. 
You cannot say so.  Sw. 
'tis said, and you are guilty. Proceed to judgement Madam.  Str. 
I first would hear your censures.  Enter Cit-wit. Cit. 
And mine among the rest good Madam. I have taken care that a new Doctor shall be brought. Therefore in the first place my censure is, that this be presently hanged out o' the way.  Cou. 
That's too high strained. What think you Madam, if to rectify his judgement, we picked all the errors of his brain; First, opening the Pericranion, then take out the cerebrum; wash it in Albo vino, till it be throughly cleansed; and then—  Sw. 
Pox o' your Albo vino, and his cerebrum taking out, that were a way to kill him. we must not be guilty of the death of a Dogleach, but have him purged a safer way.  Str. 
How? Proceed.  Sw. 
We will fill his belly full of Whey, or Buttermilk, put him naked into a Hogshead, then put into the same an hundred broken Urinals, then close up the Vessel and roll your Garden with it.  Doct. 
I trust they cannot mean any such mischief.  Str. 
Hark ye Gentlemen. Do you hear? A gelder's horn.  Cit. 
Yes Madam; 'tis a Sowgelder.  Str. 
Fetch in that Minister of Justice.  Cit. 
Who Madam? the Sowgelder?  Sw. 
we'll make a Doctor gelder of him tho', and my Lady be so minded.  Cit. 
That will be sport indeed. Exit.  Cou. 
But will you see the execution Madam?  Str. 
Why not as well as other women have  
Seen the dissections of anatomies,  
And executed men ripped up and quartered?  
This spectacle will be comical to those.  Doct. 
They dare not do the thing they would have me fear.  Sw. 
Now Doctor you look heavily methinks,  
You shall be lighter by two stone presently.  Doct. 
You will not murder me?  Sw. 
Stir not; nor make least noise  
As you hope ever to be heard again.  Doct. 
I would I could pray now to any purpose.  Enter Cit-wit, Guelder. Cit. 
I have brought him. The rarest fellow Madam,  
And do you thank your fortune in him Doctor,  
For he can sing a charm (he says) shall make  
You feel no pain in your libbing or after it:  
No Tooth-drawer, or Corn-cutter did ever work  
With so little feeling to a Patient.  Str. 
Sing then, he shall not suffer without a Song.  Song. Sw. 
What must he be stripped now; or will letting down his breeches be enough?  Doct. 
You dare not use this violence upon me  
More rude than rage of Prentices.  Cit. 
Doctor it is decreed.  Doct. 
You cannot answer it.  Cou. 
Better by Law than you can the intent Guelder whets his knife and all in preparation, Linen, Basin, etc.  
Of Rape upon the Lady.  Doct. 
That was not to have been my act, nor was it done.  Sw. 
When this is done we'll talk w' ye, come lay him cross this Table. Hold each of you a Leg of him, and hold you your peace Dodipoll. And for his arms let me alone, do you work gelder.  Doct. 
Hold, I have a secret to deliver to my Lady.  Sw. 
You shall be delivered of your secrets presently.  Doct. 
If I tell her not that shall give her pardon  
Then let me suffer. Hear me sweet Madam.  Str. 
Forbear him, let him down.  Sw. 
Sweet sayst? Thou art not I'll be sworn.  Str. 
Well sir your weighty secret now to save your trifles.  Doc. 
In private I beseech you Madam: for I dare but whisper't.  Str. 
You shall allow me so much wariness as to have one at least to be my Guard, and witness.  Doc. 
This Gentleman then Madam.  Cit. 
We are shut out of council.  Sw. 
No matter. I list not be no nearer him: no more would my cousin had he my nose. But where's Mr. Dainty and your finical Mistress Phil all this while tho'?  Cit. 
No matter, but I ha' sworn you know. Therefore I say no more, but I have sworn.  Cou. 
What a strange tale is this! I can't believe it.  Str. 
I do, and did before suspect it: and framed this counterfeit plot upon you, Doctor, to work out the discovery: would I ha' seen you guelt d'ee think? That would have rendered me more brutish than the women Barbers. Look sir this is no gelder, but one of my house Music. (Go, your part is done— Exit .And for th' affright you gave me, Doctor, I am even w'ye.  Sw. 
The Devil fright him next for a spurging, skitter-brooke. 'T were good you would call to burn some perfumes Madam.  Str. 
But for the secret you have told me I'll keep it secret yet, I will keep you so too; and from your Patient. Enter Boy.  
There's a new doctor come already Madam to the madman.  Str. 
From sir Andrew Mendicant?  Boy 
His servant brought him.  Doc. 
I pray what Doctor is it?  Str. 
Engage yourself with no desire to know,  
But, for the good you find, fit thanks to owe;  
So come with me, and come you Gentlemen. Ex. Omnes   

ACT IV. SCENE III.  Enter Frederick in a doctor's habit, Gabriel with two swords under his cloak, Ferdinand upon a Bed bound, and held down by servants. Fer. 
Heap yet more Mountains, Mountains upon  
Mountains, Pindus on Ossa, Atlas on Olympus,  
I'll carry that which carries Heaven, do you  
But lay't upon me!  Fre. 
Forbear you'll stifle him,  
Take off the needless weight of your rude bodies;  
Unbind him and stand off, to give him air.  Ser. 
Sir though you are a Physician, I am no fool. Take heed what you do. he's more than six of us hold when his hot fit's upon him. He would now tear you to pieces should you let him lose.  Fer. 
The danger then be mine. Let him sit up. Is not he civil now?  Ser. 
ay, for how long? do you note that Hercules' eye there?  Fre. 
I charge you quit the room.  Ser. 
'Tis but to come again when we are called.  Fre. 
Be not within the hearing of a call,  
Or if you chance to hear me, though I cry  
Murder, I charge you come not at me.  Ser. 
'tis but a Doctor out o' the way; and that's no loss while there are so many, the best cannot live by the worst.  Fre. 
Keep the door fast. You are much missed abroad sir,  
And chiefly by the Ladies, who now want  
The Courtships, Banquets, and the costly presents  
In which you wonted to abound to 'em.  Ferd. 
Ha—  Fre. 
Nay, nay, sit still sir. They say you're mad;  
Mad with conceit of being a favourite  
Before your time, that is, before you had merit  
More than a tumour of vainglory in you,  
And in especial care for your recovery  
I am sent to administer unto you: but first  
To let you blood. Dagger.  Ferd. 
Ho! Murder, Murder, Murder.  Fre. 
Are you so sensible already? do not stir  
Nor cry too loud. does the mere apprehension  
Of blood-letting affright your madness? Then  
Reason may come again.  Ferd. 
The Battle of Musleborough Field was a brave one.  Fre. 
O do you fly out again?  Ferd. Sings part of the old Song, and acts it madly. Fre. 
This is pretty: but back from the purpose.  He sings again. Fre. 
Will you come to the point sir?  Ferdinand sings again. Fre. 
We but lose time in this sir: Though it be good testimony of your memory in an old Song. But do you know me?  Ferd. 
Not know my Sovereign Lord? Cursed be those Knees, and hearts that fall not prostrate at his Feet.  Fre. 
This wild submission no way mitigates  
My wrongs, or altars resolution in me  
To Cure or Kill you quickly. Do you know me now sir?  
Or have you known Charissa? do you start sir? Off his beard & gown.  
There's sign of reason in you then: But be't  
By reason or by chance, that you awake  
Out of your frantic slumber, to perceive me,  
My cause and my Revenge is still the same,  
Which I will prosecute according to  
My certain wrong, and not your doubtful reason,  
Since reasonless you laid those wrongs upon me  
When you were counted wise, great, valiant, and what not  
That cries a Courtier up, and gives him power  
To trample on his betters.  Ferd. 
Who talks this mortal to? I am a spirit.  Fre. 
Sure I shall find you flesh, and penetrable.  Ferd. 
I would but live to subdue the Pisidians,  
And so to bring the Lydians under tribute—  Fre. 
You would but live t'abuse more credulous fathers  
With courtly promises, and golden hopes  
For your own lustful ends upon their Daughters.  
Think (if you can think now) upon Charissa.  
Charissa who was mine, in faith and honour  
Till you ignobly (which is damnably)  
By a false promise with intent to whore her  
Diverted her weak Father from the Match  
To my eternal loss. Now whether you  
Have wit or no wit to deny't, or stand to't,  
Or whether you have one, or ten men's strength,  
Or all, or none at all I'll fight or Kill you  
Yet like a Gentleman, I'll call upon you Throw away his dags.  
Give me the Swords. They are of equal length  
Take you free choice.  Ferd. 
Pish. Run back.  Fre. 
I cast that to you then. Hand it, or die a Madman.  Ferd. 
O ho, ho, ho,—  Gab. 
All this sir to a Madam.  Fre. 
I have a cause to be more mad than he,  
And in that cause I'll fight.  Gab. 
He knows not what you tell him.  Fre. 
I tell't the Devil in him then to divulge it  
When I have dispossessed him. I have further  
Reason to kill him yet, to cross your Master,  
Who has begged his Estate. Now fight or die a Madman.  Ferd. 
Hold Frederick hold. Thou hast indeed awaked  
Me to see thee and myself.  Gab. 
he's not so mad to fight yet I see that.  Fre. 
I'm glad you are yourself sir, I shall fight  
Now upon honourable terms, and could  
Suppose before your madness counterfeit.  Ferd. 
Yet hold. Has Mendicant begged me?  Fre. 
During your madness. What should hinder him?  Ferd. 
Put up thy Sword.  Fre. 
Upon no terms, and you alive.  Ferd. 
Not to obtain Charissa?  Fre. 
As you Guest sir.  Ferd. 
It shall be by means if gold can win  
Her Father's grant.  Fre. 
That's most unquestionable.  Ferd. 
Not that I dare not fight, do I urge this,  
But that the other is your safer way.  Fre. 
Your gold's too light. I will accept of nothing  
From you while you dare tell me you dare fight,  
Perhaps you doubt of odds, go forth. Nay I  
Will lock him out.  Gab. 
You may: For I dare trust you while I go call the Lady. Exit.  Fre. 
Now are you pleased, or dare you now to fight sir?  Ferd. 
I neither will nor dare fight in this cause.  Fre. 
This is a daring Courtier!  
How durst you wind yourself in so much danger?  
And why take madness in you, to be bound,  
And grappled with so rudely?  Ferd. 
Keep my council,  
And take Charissa.  Fre. 
'tis a fair condition.  Ferd. 
First, for the wrong I did thee, noble youth  
In my design against Charissa's honour,  
It is confessed, repented; and herself  
For satisfaction to be given to thee,  
I'll fall upon thy Sword else, or be posted,  
And Ballasted with all disgrace.  Fre. 
Well yet.  Ferd. 
And for my show of madness; 'twas put on  
For my revenge on this impetuous Lady  
To cool these flames (as much of anger as  
Desire) with her disdain, and tempting malice  
Had raised within me.  Fre. 
You would have ravished her.  Ferd. 
I rather thought, she like a cunning Lady  
Would have consented to a Madman, who  
She might presume could not impeach her honour  
By least detection. Monkeys, Fools, and Madmen,  
That cannot blab, or must not be believed  
Receive strange favours.  Fre. 
And on that presumption  
You feigned your madness.  Ferd. 
True.  Fre. 
But rather than to fail,  
With your bawd Doctors help you would ha' forced her:  
And that's the council you would have me keep  
On your assurance of Charissa to me:  
That your proceeding in your madness here,  
May yet find means and opportunity  
To exercise your violence.  Ferd. 
Suppose so.  Fre. 
Thou art not worth my Killing now.  
Justice will mark thee for the hangman's Office:  
Nor, were Charissa in thy gift, were she,  
In that, worth mine or any good acceptance,  
And for your council, had within there Madam.  Ferd. 
Frederick—  Fre. 
The Lady of the house! where are you?  
will you be pleased to hear a secret Madam?  
Strangely discovered?  Enter Strangelove, Gabriel, Doctor. Str. 
I do not slight your act in the discovery,  
But your imposture sir, and beastly practice  
Was before whispered to me by your Doctor  
To save his Epididamies.  Doct. 
O your pardon.  Fred. 
I am disgraced, undone.  Str. 
'tis in my power  
To make you the perpetual shame of Court;  
And will assuredly do't, if you comply not  
With me to make this injured Gentleman's fortune  
In his beloved Charissa.  Ferd. 
Madam most readily, I have offered it.  Sw. 
I have forecast the way and means already:  
Which we must prosecute with art and speed.  
Good ends oft times do bad intents succeed.  Ferd. 
I'll be directed by you.  Fre. 
Noblest Lady. Exeunt Omnes.    

ACT V.  

SCENE I.  Enter Swaynwit, Courtwit, Cit-wit. Sw. 
COme Sir, must I take you in hand again?  Cit. 
My Lady will convey her Madman to sir Andrew Mendicants it seems.  Sw. 
Tell me that I know not; and answer my questions.  Cit. 
she and the Doctor, and the t'other Doctor's gone with him too.  Sw. 
Leave you by flim-flams, and speak to the purpose.  Cit. 
You know I ha' sworn. Do you not know I ha' sworn?  Sw. 
To live and die a beaten Ass; a coward hast thou not?  Cou. 
Prithee forbear him: he's not worth thy anger.  Sw. 
Anger! Is every Schoolmaster angry that gives Discipline with correction?  Cit. 
Would he were at Pensans again.  Sw. 
Didst not thou tell my Lady that I was a coward in my own Country, and Kicked out of Cornwall?  Cit. 
Comparatively I think I did in respect of Corineus, that wrestled and threw Giant after Giant over the cliffs into the Sea.  Sw. 
Pox o' your comparative lies; And didst not thou say that he here was peppered so full o' the whatsha callums, that his spital would poison a Dog or a Rat?  Cit. 
That was comparatively too in respect of a pure Virgin; a chrisom child or so.  Cou. 
He never shall move me, I forgive him.  Cit. 
Merely comparatively I speak it.  Sw. 
Forgive me for swearing I'll make thee speak positively, or beat thee superlatively before I ha' done with thee.  Enter Boy. Boy. 
Gentlemen, my Lady—  Sw. 
Hold a little. Didst thou not say this child here was a Pickpocket? and that he picked thine of thy money, and thy watch, when he was singing between thy Legs today?  Boy. 
Who I a Pickpocket? flys at him.  Cit. 
Forbear good Lady it was comparatively.  Boy. 
A pickpocket?  Cou. 
Forbear and hear him Hercules.  Boy. 
Lend me a sword I'll kill him, and hear him afterwards.  Cou. 
Nay I must hold you then. How was he comparatively your Pickpocket?  Cit. 
That is as much as any man I know; That is I accuse nobody; that is all are as innocent as the child, and he as the innocent unborn. And let that satisfy you.  Boy. 
Live. I am satisfied. Now Gentlemen my Lady prays you to follow her to sir Andrew Mendicants.  Cou. 
I know the business, 'Tis about our Revels.  Sw. 
Suffer a child to beat thee!  Cou. 
His cause was bad you know.  Sw. 
Incorrigible coward! Say now; art not thou thyself a pickpocket, and a cutpurse? say.  Cit. 
Comparatively it may be said, I am to a Churchwarden, a Collector for the poor or such.  Sw. 
The conclusion is, that if ever I hear thou mention'st my name again in any sense whatsoever, I'll beat thee out of reason.  Cit. 
In my good wishes, and prayers I may: Heaven forbid else.  Sw. 
Not in your prayers sir, shall you mention me, you were better never pray.  Cit. 
Heaven forbid I should then!  Sw. 
And make thine Oath good on that sly fellow that has ta'en away thy wench, or—  Cit. 
He has not ta'en her yet.  Cou. 
You ha' not seen her or him these two hours; has not my Lady called too, and she not to be found?  Cit. 
True, true: and if I be not revenged.  Sw. 
Do't then now, while thou art hot. she comes, here take, and keep her while thou art hot and hast her.  Enter Philomel and Dainty. Phi. 
Is she at your dispose sir? Court takes aside with Dainty.  Cit. 
Your Lady gave you me.  Phi. 
Or am in her gift?  Cit. 
You are in my possession, nor shall Lucifer dispossess me of her.  Phi. 
So valiant on a sudden!  Cit. 
Have I not cause?  Phi. 
You'll have me with all faults?  Cit. 
Yes, and a match forever. Kiss.  Sw. 
How means she by all faults?  Cit. 
A word she always uses in waggery.  Cou. 
By all means take her from him. What! afraid of a coward?  Sw. 
You must do't or take the share, he should ha' had a downright beating. Forgive me for swearing, he's a verier coward than t'other.  Cou. 
He will serve the better to flesh him. And do but note his tyrannical rage that is the vanquisher.  Sw. 
You will on.  Dai. 
Sir she is mine by promise.  Cit. 
she's mine by act and deed sir according to the flesh, let her deny't and she can.  Dai. 
That shall be tried by Law.  Cit. 
By Law of arms and hands it shall, take that, and let her go.  Dai. 
Bear witness Gentlemen he struck me.  Phi. 
O pitiful Picture-drawer!  Cit. 
Will you not draw? I will then. Draw.  Dai. 
What would you have sir? If she be yours take her.  Cit. 
That's not enough, I will make thee fight, what blindness have I lived in! I would not but be valiant to be Cesar.  Cou. 
O brave Cit, O brave Cit.  Sw. 
Why dost not draw thou fellow thou?  Dai. 
she's his he says; and she denies it not, shall I fight against him for his own?  Cit. 
I'll make thee fight, or cut thee into pieces.  Cou. 
He turns your words over to him.  Cit. 
Why dost thou wear a sword? only to hurt men's feet that Kick thee? Kick.  Cou. 
Do you observe? Nay thou art too severe.  Cit. 
Pray hold your peace, I'll jowl your heads together and so beat ton with tother else.  Sw. 
Forgive me for swearing. he'll beat's all anon.  Cit. 
Why dost thou wear a Sword I say?  Dai. 
Some other time sir, and in fitter place.  Cit. 
Sirrah you lie, strike me for that, or I will beat thee abominably.  Dai. 
You see this Gentlemen.  Phi. 
And I see't too, was ever poor wench so cozened in a man?  Cit. 
The wench thou lov'st and dotest on is a whore.  Phi. 
How's that?  Cit. 
No, no, That was not right, your father was a cuckold tho', and you the son of a whore.  Sw. 
Good, I shall love this fellow.  Dai. 
I can take all this upon account.  Cit. 
You count all this is true then. Incorrigible coward! what was the last vile name you called me Mr. Swain-wit? O I remember, sirrah thou art a Pickpocket and a Cutpurse; And gi' me my money again, and him his or I will cut thy throat.  Dai. 
I am discovered.  Cit. 
Do you answer nothing, do you demur upon't?  Dai. 
Hold sir I pray; Gentlemen so you will grant me pardon, and forbear the Law I'll answer you.  Cou. Sw. 
Agreed, agreed.  Dai. 
It is confessed; I am a Cutpurse.  Cit. 
Comparatively or positively do you speak?  
Speak positively, or I will beat thee superlatively.  Sw. 
Forgive me for swearing a brave Boy.  Dai. 
Here is your watch, and Money; And here is yours. Now as you are Gentlemen use no extremity.  Cou. 
Beyond all expectation!  Sw. 
All thought.  Cit. 
Miraculous! O the effects of valour!  Phi. 
Was ever woman so mistaken o' both sides?  Sw. 
But dost thou think thou art valiant for all this tho'?  Cit. 
You were best try; or you, or both, or come all three.  Sw. 
I swear thou shalt have it to keep up while thou art up.  Cit. 
Is this your picture-drawing? are you the king's Picture-drawer? A neat denomination for a Cutpurse, that draws the king's Pictures out of men Pockets.  Cou. 
Come sir, come in with us.  Dai. 
Pray use me Kindly Gentlemen.  Cit. 
Yes, we will use you in your kind sir.  Takes Phil by the hand. Exeunt Omnes.  

ACT. V. SCENE II.  Enter Mendicant, a Letter in his hand. Men. 
THis is the day of my felicity,  
And is the same with that the Poet Sings  
Is better than an Age. Come forth Charissa,  Enter Charissa. 
Now you appear my comfort; and I can  
No less than thank thy sweet obedience  
That hast complied with my directions,  
Bridelike and glorious to meet a fortune,  
So great as shall beget the present envy  
Of all the Virgin Ladies of the Court,  
And a posterity, that through all ages,  
Shall praise and magnify thy act.  Cha. 
Your acceptation of my duty sir  
Is all that I can glory in.  Men. 
How are we bound unto this noble Lady  
That sent us our instructions.  Cha. 
Sure I am. If this be a true Copy.  Men. 
Let Music in her soft but sweetest notes  
Usher their welcome, whilst unto my thoughts Music  
The loudest harmony resounds my triumph.  Enter Doctor, and Fred. in doctor's habit, Strange. Priest, Ferd. in the chair as before borne by servants, Fab. as one of the servants. 
Madam most welcome.  Str. 
In fewest and the softest words sir Andrew.  
(He sleeps) and let him gently be conveyed  
Only with those about him to his Chamber.  Men. 
Charissa, go: be you his conduct, softly, softly,  
I see you've brought a Priest Madam. Ext. Om. Pret.  Str. 
By all best reason, Mend. & Strang.  
For when we found he used Charissa's Name,  
When he was calm and gentle, calling still  
Charissa! where's Charissa? a good space  
Before he slept, and being then demanded  
What would he with Charissa? He most readily  
Replied, Fetch me Charissa and a Priest.  
The Doctors in their judgements (unto which  
My full opinion assented) might  
Foresee, that in removing him, where she  
Might be his immediate object, when he wakes,  
That fresher flames to instant marriage  
Would then arise.  Men. 
Incomparably judicious Madam.  Str. 
Yet not without your leave would I attempt it;  
Without your leave, knowing your watchful care  
Over your Daughter.  Men. 
And that care of mine  
Was (Madam) by your favour  
Principal motive to this great effect.  Str. 
Take all unto yourself, I am content.  Men. 
I'd fain steal in and watch th' event of things.  Str. 
But have you heard sir Andrew the mischance  
Of the unfortunate Lover, distracted Frederick?  Men. 
How! what of him?  Str. 
H'has made himself away.  Men. 
Is't possible?  Str. 
(He has by this time, or the Priest is tongue-tied.)  Men. 
He has left no estate worth begging, that's the worst of't.  
My joys come flowing no me— yet I would see.  Str. 
And hear me good Sir Andrew, for the Love  
I bring to add unto your joys: for I  
Foreseeing the event of this night's happiness  
Have warned some friends to follow me with Revels  
To celebrate the Marriage of your fortunes.  
See they are come. Pray entertain 'em sir.  Enter Court. Swain. Cit-wit, Dainty, Phil. Boy. Men. 
The Gallants that were today so merry with me.  Str. 
The same: but very harmless.  Cit. 
All but one sir. Did you not lose your purse today?  Str. 
What's the meaning?  Cou. Sw. 
we'll tell you Madam.  Men. 
My purse? (I missed it at my Lady strangelove's.)  Cit. 
This Picture-drawer drew it, and has drawn more of the Kings-pictures then all the Limners in the Town. Restore it sirrah.  Men. 
I will not take it, 'twas my neglect that lost it, not he that stole it. This is my day of fortune; it comes home to me; more than I dare receive. O my joys, let me be able to contain you.  Cit. 
Ha' you another purse to lose?  Men. 
I have a purse; which if I lose, I'll blame myself, none else.  Cit. 
Let him but come so near you as to ask forgiveness for the last, and if he do not take the next, though it be six fathom deep i' your pocket I'll hang for him when his time comes.  Men. 
I'll watch his fingers for that. Sit.  Cou. 
Observe good Madam.  Dai. 
Sir at your feet I beg your pardon.  Men. 
It needs not, prithee rise.  Dai. 
Never, till you pronounce that happy word  
I pardon thee: or let me have some token  
Of sweet assurance that I am forgiven  
Which I beseech you— I beseech you grant.  Men. 
In sooth thou hast it. Heaven pardon thee as I do.  Dai. 
I have it sit indeed, and as your gift I'll keep it, promising before all these witnesses, I'll never venture for another.  Men. 
Fore me an expert fellow; Pity he should be hanged before we have more of his breed.  Cit. 
Did not I tell you sir? And these are but his short arms; I'll undertake, when he makes a long arm, he shall take a purse twelve score off.  Men. 
I do not like Thieves handsel though, This may presage some greater loss at hand.  Sw. 
Now Gentlemen you know your task, be expeditious in't.  Cou. 
I have cast the design for't already Madam. My inventions are all flame and spirit. But you can expect no great matter to be done extempore or in six minutes.  Sw. 
What matter is't so we skip up and down? our friend Jack Dainty here, Mr. Cutpurse dances daintily tho'.  Str. 
And Mr. Cit-wit, you have worthily won my woman sir.  Cit. 
I have her Madam, she is mine.  Str. 
I'll make her worth a thousand pound to you, besides all she has of her own.  Cit. 
Her faults and all Madam, we are agreed o' that.  Phi. 
Suppose this Boy be mine.  Cit. 
I would he were else, that I might have him under lawful correction, and the cause o' my side: for he beat me not long since.  Boy. 
And you be my father, and do not make much of me and give me fine things, I'll beat you again so I will; and my mother shall help me.  Cit. 
Agreed Billy, agreed Philly. Never was man so suddenly, so rich; Nay never look Gentlemen, she is mine, and he's mine own, I am sure I ha' got him now; And all faults are salved.  Sw. 
Her word in waggery is made good in earnest now tho'.  Str. 
To your business Gentlemen; if you have a They consult .short speech or two, the boy's a pretty Actor; and his mother can play her part; women-Actors now grow in request. Sir Andrew! melancholy?  Men. 
I was thinking on the omen of my purse. Court draws his Tables and retires to Phil, writes & sometimes shows her.  Str. 
Fear no further mishap sir; 'tis ominous to fear.  Men. 
Pray let's go in and see how things proceed.  Str. 
Pray give me leave to make the first discovery;  
Walk down into the Garden, I'll come to you;  
And here are some would speak with you. Ex. severally.  Enter two Projectors. 1. 
Into the Garden, good, let's follow him.  2. 
'tis not the repulse he gave us in the morning shall quit him of us.  1. 
No now his superintendent's turned away, we'll once more fill his head with millions. Exit.  Dai. 
I'll make the Dance, and give you all the footing. practice footing.  Sw. 
Stand further off o' my Pocket tho'.  Cit. 
No matter if we lose any thing, and he within ten miles of us I'll make him answer't.  Dai. 
I want a fift man, I would have an odd.  Enter Doctor. Doc. 
The Marriage is performed. The Priest has done his office—  Sw. 
Doctor can you dance?  Doc. 
And sing too, I ha' forgot much else.  Phi. 
I'll speak the Speech: Ha' not I forgot my actor's tone trow? I shall remember't, I could have acted 'em all o'er.  Boy: 
I can speak a Speech too Mother, must I call you Mother now?  Phi. 
I my Boy, now I dare vouch thee.  Doc. 
What think you of this tune sir for your dance?  
Tay dee, dee, etc.  Dai. 
I'll borrow a Viol and take it of you instantly. Ex.  Enter sir Raphael. 
Pray sir, is sir Andrew Mendicant i' the house. To Court-w.  Cou. 
Umh— He writes in his tables sometimes scratching his head, as pumping his Muse. Is he within sir, can you tell? He's too busy it seems.  
Can you tell me sir I pray, if sir Andrew be within? To Cit-wit as he moved toward him, Cit-wit Dances looking on his Feet, etc.  
Very strange! among what Nation am I arrived?  
Here's one in civil habit sure will answer me,  
Sir may I be informed by you? saw you sir Andrew?  Ra. 
Te precor domine Doctor. He sings on. The Doctor stretches his Throat in the Tune.  
They are no Christians sure.  
Sir may I be informed by you? To Swain. He whistles & Dances Sellinger's round, or the like.  
Bless me; the people are bewitched.  Enter Dainty. 
Do you belong to the house sir? To Dainty, he fiddles to him & the 4 dancing & singing practice about him.  
I hope for courtesy here Lady will you be pleased— To Phil. she speaks in a vile tone like a Player.  Phi. 
O by no means, we must speak Charon fair,  
Or he'll not waft us o'er the stygian Flood,  
Then must we have a sop for Cerberus  
To stop his yawning Chaps; Let me alone  
To be your Convoy to Elysium.  Ra. 
This is most heathenish of all. Dainty plays softly & Doctor with him aside.  Phi. 
I'll pass that snarling triple-headed Cur  
Which keeps the palace-gate of Pluto's Court,  
And guide you safe through pitchy Acheron.  Ra. 
What Woman Monster's this? Sweet young Gentleman, let me ask you a question.  Boy. 
Grim death, why rather didst thou not approach  
My younger days; before I knew thy fears?  
Thy pains are multiplied by our years.  Ra. 
All Lunatic? or Gentlemen, do you want leisure  
Or civility to answer me?  Cit. 
Ha' you done the speeches Mr. Court wit?  Cou. 
I have already from the forked top  
Of high Parnassus fetched 'em.  Cit. 
And shall my wife and Billi boy speak 'em?  Cou. 
As I'll instruct you.  Cit. 
You write admirably I confess; But you have an ill tone to instruct in; I'll read to 'em myself, you give your words no grace.  Doc. 
You have the tune right, will you instruct the Music men?  Dai. 
And you all in the Dance immediately.  Sw. 
But shall we have no silken things, no whim-whams  
To Dance in tho'.  Cit. 
Perhaps the Bride can furnish us.  Sw. 
With some of her old Petticoats, can she?  Phi. 
No, no my Lady has ta'en care for all.  Dai. 
Come, come away to practise, and be ready. Exe. Om. Fiddling, Footing, Singing, Acting, etc.  Ra. 
Never was I in such a Wilderness.  
But my revenge upon Sir Mendicant  
Shall answer all my patience, in the Jeer  
I mean to put upon him.  
I will possess him with a brain-trick, now, wherein  
A mere invention of mine own  
Heaven pardon me for lying) shall so nettle him.  Enter Mendicant, and Projectors. Men. 
Go back and be not seen till I come to you. Ex. Pro.  Ra. 
he's come. Ha' you heard the news sir Andrew?  Men. 
What sir Raphael?  Ra. 
That Ferdinand's restored to's wits.  Men. 
I am glad on't.  Ra. 
Do you take the loss of his estate so mildly  
Which might ha' been your own?  Men. 
I hope you think me a Christian sir, but how should he arrive at such a sudden knowledge of it, if it be so? I will pretend 'tis true, yes sir, he is in's wits.  Ra. 
I thought I had lied when I did prophesy:  
But sir my Nephew Fredrick—  Men. 
Has made himself away, I heard o' that too.  Ra. 
(I hope not so) yet there's another accident  
Of which you have not heard, may touch you nearer,  
And that indeed's my business, you sir, furiously  
Wounded your Man today.  Men. 
Not dangerously I hope.  Ra. 
Flatter not so yourself; he's on the point of dying.  Men. 
How!  Ra. 
Nor be too much dejected,  
His life you may get off for (as 'twas done  
In heat of blood) marry sir your estate  
(You'll pardon me) is begged; myself has done't,  
And therein, begged the Beggar.  Men. 
Ha!  Ra. 
Take not too deep a sense of it: For if you'll yield  
That Frederick yet shall have it with your Daughter,  
I will remit the Estate.  Men. 
O is it so?  
Do you move this for a dead man?  Ra. 
No, he lives.  Men. 
Do you practise on me? Madam where are  Enter Strange. Ferd. Fred. Charissa. Gabriel behind. Str. 
Here sir, and am become your Usher to such guests you?  
As you must bid most welcome. Mend. stands amazed  Ra. 
She here! i'm then again confounded.  Str. 
Nay sir Raphael, I potest we will be friends notwithstanding I have outstripped you in your plot of matching your Nephew Frederick, here to his love Charissa.  Ra. 
But is it so?—  Fred. 
It is, in which I hope sir you are not offended,  
Who gave me leave by any opportunity  
To take her, I broke no locks nor walls for her.  Cha. 
I beg your pardon, and your blessing sir.  Ra. 
And is it so with you sir Ferdinand?  Ferd. 
It is, and sir in testimony of my recovery, I make demand of my estate: of which you thought yourself possessed.  Men. 
What hopes am I fallen from? and what misery fallen into; when the little I have is begged for Manslaughter!  Gab. 
I quit you of that sir.  Men 
How couldst thou deal so with me?  Gab. 
To show my gratitude.  
You overpaid me for all my former services,  
For which I justly thought I ought you this.  Ferd. 
Nor think your Daughter undervalued sir,  
Three thousand pound I give him to augment  
Her fortune in him.  Men. 
Dreams, dreams, All these are waking Dreams.  Ferd. 
All real truth sir, whither fly you from us?  Men. 
Am I of all defeated; and by all  
Abused and mocked? More room there: let me go.  Ferd. 
You mistake strangely. Flourish.  Str. 
Hark! the Revellers.  Fer. 
That come to celebrate your joys, which wilfully  
You will not apprehend.  Men. 
'tis all but show, Let go, and I will do  
Something shall add to your delight immediately. Exit.  Str. 
Let him go and wear out his fit by himself. Flourish.  Enter Boy, and Philomel, as Cupid and Venus. Boy. 
Venus and Cupid, my Mother and I—  
Help me.— I have it now.  
Venus and Cupid; my Mother and I  
Help me again; Noah, no, no.  
Venus and Cupid; my Mother and I,  
Let me alone.  
Venus and Cupid my Mother and I.  Fred. 
There's an Actor now!  Fre. 
How doubtful of himself; and yet how perfect he was!  Ra. 
A self mistrust is a sure step to Knowledge.  Str. 
Sententious sir Raphel.  Ra. 
Quarrels are ended Madam.  Ferd. 
Come hither Cupid.  Phi. 
From my Italian Mount I did espy  
(For what is hidden from a Deity?)  
How faintly Hymen did his Office here  
Joining two Lovers with the hand of fear;  
Putting his Torch out for obscurity;  
And made the Chamber (which belongs to me)  
His Temple. But from hence let fear remove.  
See here, the Champions for the Queen of Love.  
Courage 
1 1 Swain , sent from Mars; The Muses 
2 2 Court.  kill.  
From wise Apollo. And the God, which still  
Inspires with subtlety, sly Mercury  
Sends this his Agent 
3 3 Dainty. . Here's Activity 
4 4 Cit-wit.   
From Jupiter 
5 Doctor  himself; And from her store  
Of Spies, the Moon sends This to keep the door.  
With Art of Action, now, make good the place,  
In right of Love to give the Nuptials Grace.  After they have Danced a while, Enter Projectors, breaks 'em off. Pro. 
Lay by your Jollity, forbear your Sport,  
And hear a story shall enforce your pity.  Fer. 
What black Tragedian's this?  Ra. 
Some Nuntius sent from Hell.  Ga. 
One of my Master's Minions, a Projector.  Pro. 
You had a Master: But to all I speak.  
Your practises have sunk him from the Comforts  
Of all his hopes in fortune, to the Gulf  
Of deep despair; from whence he rose inflamed  
With wild distraction and fantastic fury.  Fer. 
he's mad; is he?  Pro. 
Mad, and has hanged himself—  Cha. 
Alas my Father.  La. 
How! hanged himself?  Pro. 
All over sir, with draughts of Projects, Suits,  
Petitions, Grants, and Patents, such as were  
The Studies and the Labours of his Life,  
And so attired he thinks himself well armed  
T'encounter all your scorns.  Enter Mendicant attired all in Patents; A Windmill on his head, and the other Projector. Men. 
Room here: a Hall for a Monopolist,  
You, commonwealth's informers lead me on.  
Bring me before the great Assembly. See,  
Father's Conscript, I present all I have  
For you to cancel.  Sw. 
Here's a brave show, and outshines our device.  Men. 
This is a Patent for the taking of poor John and Barrell-cod alive, and so to preserve 'em in salt-water for the benefit of the Fishmongers.  Cou. 
There's salt in this.  Sw. 
I this has some savour in't.  Men. 
This is a fresh one sir, For the catching, preservation, and transportation of Butterflies: whereby they may become a native commodity.  Cou. 
That's a subtle one.  Men. 
This is for profits out of all the Common-Cryes i' th' City, As of— Oysters— coddlings— wood to cleave, Kitchen stuff, and the thousand more, even to the Matches for your Tinderbox, and all Foreigners to pay double; And a Fee out of the link-boys' profits. But no cries to escape. 'tis for a peace.  Dai. 
What if some should cry Murder, murder?  Cit. 
Or Thieves, thieves?  Cou. 
Or Fire, fire?  Sw. 
Or women cry out five Loves a penny?  Men. 
All all should pay. But I submit  
myself to you most honourable censure.  Cit. 
What does he take us for?  Sw. 
Powers, Powers; A lower house at least.  Men. 
And all my patents to be concealed.  Sw. 
Our Projects would not take with you, we'll take yours tho'.  Dai. 
He shall dance out of 'em: Music! Play out our Dance, we will disrobe you presently.  Cit. 
Yes, and dismantle his Projectors too.  They all Dance. In the Dance they pull off his Patents; And the Projectors Cloaks, who appear all ragged. At the end of the Dance the Projectors thrust forth. Fer. 
An excellent Moral! The Projects are all canceled, and the Projectors turned out o' doors.  Men. 
True Gallants, and now I am myself again,  
I saw th'event of all with good esteem.  
And would as well as you a Madman seem,  
And now my blessings on your Son and Daughter.  Sw. 
This Bride, Dame Venus here, cools all this while tho'.  Dai. 
By Mr: Bridegrooms leave, I'll stir her blood a little for the good meaning she had towards me.  Cit. 
You may do so. He dares not pick her pocket,  
And for her Maidenhead I dare trust him tho' he should  
Dance quite out of sight with her.  Dance. While they Dance the rest confer. Ra. 
'Tis well: And all are friends.  Fer. 
You have my protestation: and in that,  
Madam, my faith before these noble friends.  Str. 
Upon those honourable terms sir Ferdinando I will be yours.  Cit. 
she'll 'have him, it seems at last.  Sw. 
she's a wise widow by't: for sure enough, she saw something in his mad naked fit, when he put her to't, to choose a husband by, wo' not out of her thought yet.  
What is there more to say now Madam?  Str. 
You question well.  Sw. 
But to Supper and to bed?  Str. 
You consider well.  Sw. 
We have had other pastime enough.  Str. 
You reason well, Would all were pleased as well  
T' absolve that doubt, to those we must appeal.    
FINIS.   

EPILOGUE.  Strang. 
ladies, your suffrages I chiefly crave  
For th'humble Poet. 'tis in you to save  
Him, from the rigorous censure of the rest,  
May you give grace as you're with Beauty blessed.  
True: he's no dandling on a Courtly lap,  
Yet may obtain a smile, if not a clap.  Ferd. 
I'm at the Cavaliers. Heroic spirits,  
That know both to reward, and achieve merits,  
Do, like the sunbeams, virtuously dispense  
Upon the lowest growths their influence,  
As well as on the lofty: our Poet so  
By your Phoebean favours hopes to grow.  Cit-w. 
And now you generous spirits of the City  
That are no less in money than brain witty,  
myself, my Bride, and pretty Bride-boy too,  
Our Poet for a Boun prefers to you.  Phil. 
And though you taste of no such Bride-ale Cup,  
He hopes y' allow the Match to be clapped up.  Boy. 
And, if this Play be nought (yes so he said)  
That I should gi' ye my Mother for a Maid.  Swa. 
And why you now? or you? or you? I'll speak enough for you all, you now would tell the Audients they should not fear to throng hither the next day: for you will secure their Purses cut-free, and their pockets pick-free. 'tis much for you to do tho'. And you would say that all your projects are put down, and you'll take up no new: but what shall be (spectators) to please you. And you Poetic part induces you, t'apologize now for the Poet too, as they ha' done already, you to the Ladies, you to the Cavaliers and Gentry; you to the City friend, and all for the Poet, Poet, Poet, when all's but begging tho. I'll speak to 'em all, and to my Country folks too if here be any o'em: and yet not beg for the Poet tho', why should we? has not he money for his doings? and the best price too? because we would ha' the best: And if it be not, why so? The Poet has showed his wit and we our manners. But to stand beg, beg for reputation for one that has no countenance to carry it, and must ha' money is such a Pastime!— If it were for one of the great and curious Poets that give these Plays as the Prologue said, and money too, to have 'em acted; For them, indeed, we are bound to ply for an applause. Because they look for nothing else, and scorn to beg for themselves. But then you'll say those Plays are not given to you; you pay as much for your seats at them as at these, though you sit ne'er the merrier, nor rise the wiser, they are so above common understanding; and tho' you see for your love you will judge for your money, why so for that too, you may. But take heed you displease not the Ladies tho' who are their partial judges, being bribed by flattering verses to commend their Plays; for whose fair cause, and by their powerful voices to be cried up wits o' Court, the right worshipful Poets boast to have made those interludes, when for ought you know they bought 'em of University Scholars tho', and only show their own wits in owning other men's; and that but as they are like neither. As thus, do you like that Song? yes. I made it. Is that Scene or that Jest good? Yes, 'twas mine; and then if all be good 'twas all mine. There's wit in that now. But this small Poet vents none but his own, and his by whose care and directions this Stage is governed, who has for many years both in his father's days, and since directed Poets to write & Players to speak, till he trained up these youths here to what they are now. I some of 'em from before they were able to say a grace of two lines long to have more parts in their pates then would fill so many Dry-fats. And to be serious with you, if after all this, by the venomous practice of some, who study nothing more than his destruction, he should fail us, both Poets and Players would be at loss in Reputation. But this is from our Poet again, who tells you plainly all the helps he has or desires; And let me tell you he has made pretty merry jigs that ha' pleased a many. As (le'me see) th' Antipodes, and (oh I shall never forget) Tom Hoyden o' Tanton Deane. he'll bring him hither very shortly in a new Motion, and in a new pair o' slops and new nether-stocks as brisk as a Body-louse in a new Pasture.  
meanwhile, if you like this, or not, why so?  
You may be pleas 'to clap at parting tho'.  
FINIS.