THE DISCOVERY OF A PROJECTOR. Showing the beginning, progress, and end of the Projector and his Projects. Also the Projectors last Will and Testament, with an Epitaph to his memory. By T. Brugis, Gent. Experto mihi credit. printer's device of Richard Hearne, featuring a fleur-de-lis (McKerrow 251) LONDON, Printed by R.H. and are to be sold by Laurence Chapman, and William Cook, at their shops in Holborn. 1641. TO THE COURTEOUS READER. REader, before thou peruse my Book give me leave to advertise thee, that in this ensuing Discourse, I do neither seek to defame any person of any degree whatsoever, nor intent I to aim at the credit of any; but if any man find himself touched with any thing herein mentioned, let him make his best use of it for my part I shall only desire to reveal and discover such abuses as have crept into this Kingdom, which all his Majesty's Subjects with a longing desire do expect a reformation of, and God be thanked have already seen some satisfactory events. Moreover, I shall desire thy censure of this my Book, wherein thou shalt not find any refined language, or eloquent stile (for indeed the subject deserved it not) but a plain way fitted as near as I could for every man's understanding, else would they want the sport and content which I hope they will hereby reap, wherein they shall find nothing but what I have found myself by experience; And for the maintaining of the credit hereof, I must tell you that the copy lying by me this many years (not with any intent ever to print it) did yield occasion to divers of my friends to extract copies for themselves; and moreover, the absence of it from my hands for almost two years hath yielded the like opportunity to divers others unknown to me, whereby many copies (only altered in some few words, have been lately by earnest endeavours sought to be published for their own Works; This is all I can desire, which if granted will strongly oblige me to consecrate my labours to thy content, and myself thy professed servant. T.B. To the most Illustrious the lustick Lansgrave of Latmos the man in the Moon. TO thee (the most imaginary Sire) Of each transcendent wit, and Engine maker, The Ixion that first filched Aethaeriall fire, And every new Inventions chief creator, The Moon's Surveyor of her Works, or rather Her Instructor, and our Projectors Father. I give thee here to know what erst befell, The child whom heretofore thou didst beget, He that by Lines and Screwes would needs compel The Sun to mend his pace when he was set, Vouchsafe to read this lamentable story, Whose wit can gallop faster than john Dory. With the next Roundlet of his highness' Claret, Be this conveyed, and I'll be thankful for it. THE PROJECTOR, and his PROJECTS. WHen I first happened upon this Subject, I scarce durst venture the publishing of any thing concerning it, lest I might be thought to touch at the credit and reputation of some persons, whose worths are sufficiently known unto the World, that although (by reason of the large pretences and fawning flatteries of Projectors) they have been importuned in some sort to countenance them, yet never have they been confirmed in their good opinions and commendations. Let this therefore be apology sufficient for myself, that I intent not herein to touch the credit or reputation of any particular man, knowing, that Saepe à Principibus magna ruina venit. Neither by Libelling will I seek to disparage Arts or Artists (which ever were commendable in themselves.) Neither will I dispute what kind of government might seem most fit and convenient in general: nor presume to distinguish what regularity and order is most compliable with any particular kingdom, I perceive myself happy in being ignorant of such transcendent learning: but I will only aim at, & denote certain abuses inserted into this peaceable and (in government) unparallelled Commonwealth. My subject therefore which I have found out, is so fare unworthy to be employment for any solid capacity, that I had rather (if Hipponax (that never did any thing but what procured much laughter) were alive) to take this in hand, that he might be painted forth in his right colours. This Projector, as fare as I can find, never had generation, unless it were that he was begot on a fair Faggot pile, between the man in the Moon, and Tom Lancaster's Laundress; some call him business, but his most received name is Projector, a creature that never stayed his full time of hatching, but got out with the shell on his head, and so run to Court, where he hath most seriously employed his time in Court suits, as in the sequel of this story I shall more at large decipher him. First, therefore I shall tell you what a Projector is. Secondly, how he did become a Projector. Thirdly, how many professions he left to become a Projector. Fourthly, what success attended his newfound mysteries to the singular good and benefit of the Commonwealth of this Realm, and the everlasting memory of so profitable a Profession. Fiftly, his death and free disposal of all his goods and chattels, by his last Will and Testament to his successors, and lastly his Epitaph. What a Projector is. A Projector is derived from the Latin, and signifies a man of a good forecast, he is also said to be a creator of Court suits, an Inventor and devisor of new things, and a pretended reformer of the old, which go commonly by the name of Projects, provided that they had no other beginning or former Invention; for if they be received, renewed, or reported upon any record, they cannot come truly within the compass of Projects. But verily he is the very Corn-cutter of the age wherein he lives, and hath a notable fault in the unsteadiness of his hand, by reason whereof he doth often thrust his knife into the tender parts of a Commonwealth, to the very quick, and never leaves until he have brought out the very Core of their purses: he employs all his time, labour, study, and experience only to search out the abuses of every Place, Profession, and Mystery whatsoever, next his greatest study is to propose the fair outside of a reformation, and this he gins with a Petition to his Majesty, with such mighty pretences of enriching the Kingdom, that he dares most impudently to affirm that it shall bring to his Majesty, his Heirs and Successors for ever many thousands yearly; yea, and employment for all the poor people of the Realm (which how well all these late Projects have effected, I leave to judicious censure;) next comes a reference where he still avers what he in his Petition proposed, and thus by his large offers, and mediation of friends to the Referrees he obtains a slight approbation enough only to procure a Patent, than he thinks the worlds his own, and then must there be an Office erected, whereby his Majesty, his Heirs and Successors shall receive wonderfll benefts, by augmenting his yearly Revenues, customs, and imposts, and the Commonwealth exceeding great good and profit, and many thousands of poor people at the least shall find sufficient employment. Now the issues proceeding of these his pains and labour (which he pretends to be only for the good of his Country, himself not getting by it one farthing) are commonly called or known by the name of Projects, in respect of the Author that invented and devise them, to which he gives divers names, such as their fancies best served; the better to gull the ignorant, one whereof is called Heuretica, and that is an Art or Invention teaching how to devise new, and to reform old, and is the first and chiefest of all, and as the primum mobile; Likewise they give them other terms of Art as literal Inventions, and Mechanic Inventions, a literal Invention is of Logic, Rhetoric, Grammar, the Mathematical Sciences, and writing all which they say were only Projects; A Mechanic Invention is the art of the Projector which by effectual Instruments and means bringeth forth, some new visible Work, pretended good and profitable to the Commonwealth. And hitherto they add the Mystery of Printing, Shipping, the Art of Grinding, Building, making of Salt, Allomes, Coppers, Saltpetre, Felt-making, Sadlers, Carts, Ploughs, Harrows, and consequently they dare most impudently to affirm that all Arts, Trades, Crafts, Sciences, Mysteries, Occupations, Professions, Devises, and slights whatsoever, were merely Projects, in respect of the Authors that devised them, whom they will needs have (to uphold their own credits) to be Projectors, and yet they pretend to mend all these, and to make them both more beneficial, and more serviceable; likewise they will tell you that the first Discoveries of the West-Indies, by Columbus, Magellane, and Drake, were Projects, seeking thereby to bring into their rank of Projectors, three such Ingenious, Noble, and Venturous persons, And thus they gull the Commonwealth, by making many fair promises of wealth to fall upon them on a sudden, telling them that the Pestle and Morter were good Primitive inventions, but the Water-Mill, Hand-mill, and Windmill, were derivative from them by a Projector, and much better, yet he will have another shall fare pass all these, and that he calls a Plegnicke Engine, which shall not only grind Corn as the Mills, but shall also serve to blow the bellows to any Furnace, and never stand still as the Milles do, but be in perpetual motion. Also the Smiths ordinary bellows are nought, a scurvy Primitive Invention, he hath a Derivative Invention worth a hundred of them, more handsomely and strongly made, which shall blow forth not only cold wind, but also flames of fire, water, and dust, at the same time, and at the same hole. And these are the chief heads of Projecting. Next I will show you what they pretend the nature of every Project (of their devising) to be: to which I will add the faults liable, and never wanting in them. First therefore, they make every Project to be of two degrees, the lesser and the greater; and each degree is threefold. The lesser virtues of every Project are, Equi-sufficiency, Equi-cheapnesse, Equi-excellency; but the greater are, more sufficient, more cheap, more excellent: This is the chief Axletree that upholds and carries all Projects; for all Projectors do pretend the three last in every new invention. But now let us come to the faults, which although they are but three, yet I believe they will be found more frequently than the three Virtues; and these are less sufficiency, less cheapness, and less excellency. The greater faults are also three, that is, insufficiency, exceeding dearness, and exceeding baseness, ugliness, or ilfavourednesse: and of these I must confess I never saw any Project that had not the most part, if not all. These faults shall be compared to the virtues, when we come to speak of the success that attended these new found Mysteries. Those that are willing to deal in any these new Businesses, either by being Patentees, Clerks of the Patent, Surveyors of the Works, by buying Shares, Half Shares, or Quarter parts, etc. must be sure to have their purse well lined, for they shall be at continual expense, and it may be never receive farthing profit. As first, their share may cost a hundred or two hundred pounds, the use of the money is lost, and yet they shall be assessed to pay for every Full Part that costs an hundred pounds, ten or 12 pounds once or twice a year, towards the erecting the Works, and propagating the business. And thus they live in expectation about fourteen years (the usual limit for Patents in that kind) and if it chance to hold out so long, in any likelihood than it comes to his Majesty. But they seldom last to that, for the State perceiving their fooleries, and that they can never accomplish the thousand part of their pretences, and the commonwealths expectation, calls in their Patents, leaving the Projector far engaged to his friends, by bringing them into such a deal of trouble and expense to no purpose, by his fair promises and persuasions, insomuch that some have all their estate (which though perhaps but mean, yet might have honestly maintained them) laid at the stake, relying only on the Projectors vain promises; who deals much like the Turkish Alcharon, that if they will obey the Laws and Decrees of their great Prophet Mahomet, they shall have after their deaths brave gardens, pleasant fountains, and Wenches with great eyes. Even thus they play their part, promising thousands yearly to them that will lay down any money to propagate a new invention: and the more to delude their Creditors, they will upon the least objection or mislike, be presently ready (like some sects of Heretics) to prove their profession by Scripture to be right and strait, and call all Artificers Projectors, and all arts and sciences Projects, which are nothing in effect but the vain issues of idle brains. Those (as I told you) that would deal in any Projects, must be sure to have in readiness good bags of money: for all your Projectors hold this as a general maxim, That it is the wisest, safest, and most credible course for a Projector, not to ask under hand, whereby he shall be driven to repair to them again the second time, but rather at the first let him agree for more money, and not for less than will serve the turn towards his expenses in trials, and hereof every Sharer must bear pay, defray and discharge his part equally with the party's individent. And therefore they tell their Undertakers, that they must expect some loss in the trial of new businesses, be the Projector never so perfect in his Theoric, for though he endeavours never so much to give his Workmen true and perfect directions, and instruct his Artificers never so carefully, yet they will often fail, and err in their Work, by which means the Instrument being experimented, and put to trial, becometh insufficient for the appointed use, and many times (saith he) the Projector may fail himself in some one point, for which there is no help, but only to redress and amend the fault in the Instrument, or else to make a new Instrument in the others stead, neither of which can be done without further charge; and this must the Sharers disburse, and yet there must be (as they call it) an annual charge, which is an assessing of every Sharer from time to time upon occasion, for moneys to maintain, repair, and continue the said primary Instruments belonging to the said new business, after the first Plantation. For the errors, some the Projector (to save himself) lays on the Workmen, the Creditors on the Projector, so that after much trouble, pains, vexation, and charges, and daily expectation of the great sums which would arise and accrue thereby, doing their utmost endeavours both by money and friends, to set forward, further and advance this admirable Work, have in the end, just their labour for their pains, and are glad to sit down by the loss, because either the Projector hath showed them a fair pair of heels (as most of them do) or else not worth one groat whereby to give them the least satisfaction. How he became a Projector. HE became a Projector in this sort, and upon this very occasion following. Feeling a consumptive weakness in his Shop and Warehouse, and continual most terrible Convulsions in his Counterbox, he began most grievously to complain, and cry out of the Colic, suddenly expecting an Eruption; hereupon he day by day employs himself in making a most strict scrutiny and review into his Shopbooks, as well for debtors solvent, as insolvent, he most diligently compares his Registers together, and vows to spare no man whom the Law puts into his hand, at length to his comfort he fortunately lights upon a debt of his Cousin at Court, For such a piece of Stuffe, so much: this makes him; and although he once thought it a very desperate debt, yet now he will spend some time in adventuring his fortune in the trial of procuring it; whereupon he makes many visits at Court, thinking with himself that perhaps his kinsman may have so much good nature remain in him, as to take some occasion to speak of it himself: but his Cousin was crafty enough to work best for his own advantage, and so from time to time put him off with other discourse. But at last mistrusting what the matter was, and that all his cunning could not rid him of this Hinchman, that neither the showing of the Privy lodgings, nor a place for his she cousin at a Masque, nor the sending of Venison twice in a season, nor the bottle of the King's wine, nor the Court tart, nor all the Court compliments and protestations could once procure him to grant longer day; that neither the Winter journeys, nor the Summer progress could induce him to forget it, or at least to leave his opportunity, he resolved the next time he came to give him some satisfaction, and therefore upon his accustomed time of visitation, knowing his place and posture, found him waiting his coming out, and there with a most court nod he beckoned him to come forward, and thus he accosted him. Cousin, I have considered of your more than ordinary frequent visitations, which I conceive to arise from that little matter of debt that is betwixt us. You know we are seldom counted moneyed men, and I protest I have not wherewithal to satisfy your expectation for the present; but I had thought that so many courtesies might have countervailed so small a matter, and have made you a little more respective. Yet that I may in some sort satisfy you I will put you in the way that shall make you for ever, and be worth no less than thousands yearly into your purse. This made the Citisen start, with such a kind of alteration, as if joy and fear had striven together within him: the only naming of riches increased joy, when on the sudden a fear possessed him, lest it might not be true which he heard. But expelling this ecstasy, he attended the sequel of the story in this manner,) The business I have already very well considered and make no question, but I shall suddenly procure a Patent of Privilege from his Majesty to engross it solely to myself for I think it will scarce come to more than a Copyhold Project, which must not exceed ten thousand pounds per annum; for if it should exceed that, than it were a royal Invention, and due only to his Majesty. And I can assure you, if ever there were an ingenuous Art consisting of heat without the sight of fire and smoke, for all men's uses invented questionless this is the same, or else it is not to be found upon the earth: but surely (Cousin) till our Time's Wars, and Barbarity have never suffered so noble an Invention to appear; or if at any time there hath been any such Invention, it lieth antiquated, and now is revived; and this is a kind of new devised Furnace or Kilne, which shall Roast, bake, and Boil, and starch , dry Malt, Hops, Wheat, Oats, Felts, or any other thing, witbout sight of fire or touch of smoke. First, and that without danger of firing, for they are so perfectly made and framed, that they cannot take fire. Secondly, they are made to divert smoke, the chief enemy to man's health, and particularly to his eyes, his head, his heart, and lungs. Thirdly, they do neatly and sweetly roast our meat, that no vapour or fume can come near unto it, which is both a neatness, and a singular safety; no Sout falleth here into the Pottage, nor fat into the fire. Fourthly these Kilnes and Furnaces shall dry Malt more constantly in every part of the Kilne, because the sweet heat without smoke is dispersed proportionably into all parts at once, so that all the Malt shall be dried alike, and so your Six shillings Bear shall be as strong as ten shillings Bear made of ordinary dried Malt, and the reason is partly beoause the old smoky kilnes leave many corns undried, and partly, because the smoke piercing through the wet Malt, and there finding resistance maketh an exceeding deep and strong impression into the very body and centre of the Malt, and there drieth, infecteth, and consumeth the very spirit (which is a kind of balsamical salt) and radical moisture, juice, and substance of the Malt. Fiftly, they dry Hops sweetly without smoke, and conserve the Flower in its own nature, which the smoky Kilnes do destroy, so Hops which are but a Flower and of tender parts by the smoky drying Kilnes do lose the best of their radical moisture, and most of their balsamical spirit, and retain in a manner only their fixed Salt together with their excrementitious dead substance, and the Salt infection of the smoke. Sixtly, they dry black or smotty Wheat, Oates, or any other grain, or fish. Seventhly, they shall save much fuel as one fourth part. Eightly, they will dry any thing that needs drying without the least touch of smoke, so that it may be termed an Invention, or rather a new and marvellous Art, to all men admirably useful, injurious to none: moreover man's health (without which Honour, Fame, Riches, Friends, and Life itself seems but troublesome and noisome) cannot be long conserved in perfect estate, or once lost be well recovered without this invention, as the properties thereof do clearly, and Philosophically, and Experimentally from our own very senses demonstrate. Of this rare invention I had obtained a grant for the sole use of our late Sovereign King James, but before his Letters could be made Patents, and pass the ordinary Offices of this Kingdom our peaceable King departed this life, and so by the disturbance of cruel fortune I was hindered from prosecuting my good designs, but notwithstanding all these my misfortunes, crosses, and losses in this world, I have again adventured to publish my Works, and petition his Majesty for his Letters Patents of Privilege for the sole using, and licensing of this said Invention, of the goodness and singularity thereof I will speak no more, for the works themselves willbe Vocal, and I shall make it appear to be so beneficial, and profitable to my country and commonwealth, that it shall bring to the King's Majesty his Heirs and Successors yearly, many thousands, with the employment of many thousands of poor people; And Cousin if you can but procure one thing, you make yourself and me for ever, that is, I would have you to take up some store of money, because you knew there must be some few Fees scattered amongst servants and Clerks, and that we may be able to make our trials for one part of the Organicke means of a Mechanic is procuring, now the procuring means is money to be impended and disbursed in charges, for it is the instrument of instruments and mean of Means, procuring all other instruments and means merely operative, and when once they are procured, and provided by it, it measureth their worth and valuation, and these moneys I call primary and annual; the primary monies are such as I would have you procure to be disbursed about the first foundation, erection, and setting up my new business, in some one convenient place, whereby my workhouse may be furnished with all Permanent and Transient Tools, and Instruments; Transient Tools are all kind of Fewell, and Oar, which serve but once, but Permanent Tools are such as serve divers times as are the several solid hand Tools or other Instruments used by any kind of trade, likewise it willbe requisite to build Models both Saperficiall, Real, Directionall, and Motional, which cannot be done but with great charge; as for the annual disbursments the sharers shall expend equally, and that you may have such satisfaction as you expect by my discourse I shall not think it sufficient to offer you a share, but am willing to join you Patentee with me; and thus you may be sure, that by this means we shall both increase our estates, and advance our names. He tells him moreover, that such and so potent are his friends, that he should take it as a great trespass to his reputation, once to question the obtaining of his suit; but because of some urgent occasion, he could not spend so much time in this Discourse, as he desired, nor utter his mind so fully to him, as he could wish he might, but if his occasions would permit him to give him a meeting, any day in the long Gallery that reaches over the middle Temple towards the water side, or under the Temple trees, he would most willingly embrace that opportunity, where he would borrow more time to spend about this business, to his greater and more fuller satisfaction. Solemn leave is taken on both sides, the Citizen goes home almost ecstasied, scarce feeling the ground he went on, he was so taken with his Cousin's Project: well, he immediately goes home, takes up all the money he possibly can, and seeks all that he can by friends and otherways to get into some Parish Office, whereby he may come to have the stock thereof in his custody: his Countryhouse is redeemed, and because it seems too little, and hath no good forefront, nor prospect from his Balcone, therefore there must be laid out in building thrice as much as the Fee-simple of all when it is finished will afford; and last of all he vows to forsake the plain pathway of all Trades, Professions, and Mysteries whatsoever, and places more faith in a Project, then in all the probabilities of his own Trading, for by this he thinks to raise his fortunes on a sudden: but take it for a general rule, when a Citizen turns Projector, he hath the very Tokens of the wonderful crack upon him, and so out of all hope of recovery although he may linger on. After he had long beat his brains about this business, he calls to mind a cunning crafty Scriviner, the very Noverint of his age, and one who had lived long in the City, and knew all their tricks to a hair; this man had also a great desire to become rich on a sudden; him he meets at the Ship behind the Old Exchange, and there prepares him for his purpose, and the next morning he appointed to come to the Scrivener's house, to know his opinion upon consideration of the business; which accordingly he did, and sound him in his Chamber chopping up a few prayers (as one that was unwilling to trouble God Almighty too much) and withal (being a man that could rather do two things at once, then lose any minute of time) he was crosse-gartering themselves, where without the least disturbance of his devotion, he prays and discourses of the business all at a breath, and commends much the course he intended, seriously vowing to further and aid him all he could or might, which he delivered with a kind of familiar wring him by the hand, thereby to insinuate his meaning, as unto his Share. Hereupon they walk along to the Tavern to drink their morning's draught, good compliance is on both sides, and the Scrivener (as the common use and practise of them is) was ever more ready in promising, than the other in propounding, insomuch that an unspeakable and inseparable amity was concluded between them, and so for that time they parted. Next he remembers a grave Counsellor, one whom few Clients gave leisure enough to think on the form of drawing the conveyances and assignments of the shares, half parts, and deputations of Shires, besides an intimate friend of his, a learned man both in Philosophy and Divinity; he was further assured of some friends in the West Country, most Pragmatical for new Inventions, who were busied in their Patents for extractions, and separations of Minerals, and Metals, by new invented means, some others also from the Allome Works, who played the like tricks of Leger-de-Maine, with their Undertakers, that if they and their Clerks can agree in their accounts they are like to make their dealers scarce able to retain their Urine, if they fall not into uncurable strangury. Then he goes to an old Usurer, one whom he knew always to be stored with plenty of Pluto's Corn, and tells him that he is likely to obtain a Patent of Privilege from his Majesty, to erect certain new Projects in his Highness' Realms of England, Scotland, and Ireland, and Dominion of Wales: and because he wants some small matter to expend in trials, he desires him to let him have so much, and he will mortgage him a full part of the clear Profits arising and acrewing thereby. The Usurer seeing him gravely clad, and withal, having known him before for a man sufficient (as he imagined) was content, so as he had his desire, and the other thought he could not better place his money, Next he goes to a rich Widow of his familiar acquaintance, and shows her whole bags of Silver, and tells her that if she would join in a bargain with him, that he could now have, it would make them both for ever; the Widow, when she had heard on his tale, began almost to leap for joy, and her fingers itched to be telling out the money, that she should get yearly by her share, and therefore with much dexterity dispatched him, and thus he was thoroughly provided towards his fundamental expenses. How many Professions he left to become a Projector. NExt let me show you how many Trades, Functions, and Occupations he left to become a Projector, for if he be a decayed Merchant, this Profession may put him in hope of procuring a Protection, if an unpractised Lawyer, it may be a means to draw good store of Clients to his Chamber, if an old cast Auditor, it may find him employment enough to cast and calculate how many thousands yearly every Sharers part comes to in the conception of any these new Projects. 1 First, the Lawyers were found exceeding forward, and and because some of them had few Clients, and less take, they would mend the matter by getting the grant of a fift Term. 2 The Merchant had too long trusted to Byling sleyes Books, and finding small profit thereby, he hastens to the Court to present his suit, and expect the success of new Inventions. Thirdly, the Fishmongers if it were not for a poor Lent, now almost lost for want of custom, had but an ill year made up of fridays and saturdays, (which scarce would be neither, if it were not for some, who being weary with glutting themselves with Flesh, did not desire Fish for variety's sake) therefore they all agreed to go to the Western Seas, where a certain Projector will find employment for them, and bring to this Kingdom forty Millions of pounds yearly. Fourthly, the Baker mislikes his Oven utterly, and seeks to reform it, which done, he gets a Patent of Privilege, that none may do it but himself; but because he found not employment sufficient to maintain himself in this Kingdom, therefore they report he is gone into Holland. Fiftly, the Brewer, poor melancholy man, cannot tell what to say to the business, but he finds Malt very dear, and never worse, which he conceives to proceed from the new Kilnes, & his customers cry out on him for hopping too much: whereupon he is resolved to Petition his Majesty, that the new Project of Kilnes may be suppressed, and likewise the Patent of incorporating Maulsters, and then he is verily persuaded he shall afford us better Beer, and at an easier rate. Sixtly, the Mettle-men, Braziers, Cutlers, Smiths, Plumbers, and the Mystery of Alchemists, perceiving Trading begin to be very scarce in London, are all resolved very speedily to repair to the Forest a Deane. Seventhly, next came the whole Rabble of poor Attorneys Clerks, who were the chief upholders (and had for the most part been there bred up) of the threepeny Ordinary in Warwicke-lane, where they ascend their dining room with a Ladder, which (their diet being once served in) was most ceremoniously taken away. And these kind of people having left their aforesaid Professions, had a great mind to become rich on a sudden, and therefore they quickly sought out our former Cousin, who as I shown you before was already become a most excellent proficient as any of his time; here he makes them begin (as he had formerly done) first with their accidence, which is Topliffes' notes, then to their Grammar which is Pheltons' Books, and thus they have good method for what they undertake. These are they who respect not the breadth of the Church door, but bend all their endeavours, and employ all their wits to be sounding the profundity, and measuring the circumference of other men's purses, nay, there shall not a trade, profession, mystery, place, or office have a jadish trick more than ordinary, but they will whip the bawd, and presently procure a general reformation. Moreover, these poor decayed Tradesmen, and the aforesaid ragged regiment of discontented Clerks, will open the whole secrets of every profession; they will tell you what a quantity of Gum and Coperas the whole office spends in a year, and what store of calve-skins pass through their hands every term. 8 I had almost forgot those that were to have had the first place in regard of their priority in Projects, and these are your eminent Citizens of Blackfriar's, English Feathermakers, Dutch jewellers, Scotch Tailors, and French Shoemakers, with all their foreign forces, who are like to enjoy their ancient privileges without molestation or interruption of any kind. 9 The Miller likewise had almost been slipped over, yet he cannot fadge with his old Mill, it grinds not well, nor fast enough he cannot grow rich with it quickly enough, therefore he will have a horse-wind-water-mill, and engross it to himself. These and many more might be rehearsed, but I will give but a touch upon every one of them, whereby you may judge of the whole. What success attended his new found Mysteries, to the singular comfort of the Commonwealth, and the everlasting memory of so profitable a Profession. THis Cousin of ours being so plentifully furnished, set them all on Work, every one in his several Function and Profession, wherein they laboured with much willingness and dexterity, that every one brought him so great variety of Art and Workmanship, that he took upon him to supply all manner of Courtiers with these kind of commodities. Then he calls all his Associates (being bold Britain's) to a public assembly, drills them in the Garden, and they make their set battles under the Trees in the new Walks, which piece of ground was listed in, and leveled for the same purpose; and here he began to show them how easy a matter it was for them to strip themselves of their mean estate and condition, whereto they were collapsed, and on a sudden become mighty Projectors, some should be Officers of superintendency, some general Commissioners of reformation, others Dispenser's of Law terrifying penalties, and in general all most dear and natural Patrons & Patritions of their mother country, telling them also how easy these ways would seem to them if the ingenuous reasons were once looked into, that there will accrue much joy and comfort unto them when they shall see the reasons of so Philosophical profit, or profitable Philosophy; as on the other side (said he) I hold these most miserable men, or rather images, or Ciphers of men, then very men indeed, who employ their busy time and care in idleness, vain Pastimes, long sleeps, etc. as though they had no more time than might be well spent in the exalting of virtue, supplanting of vice, and profiting their country, friends, and consanguinity, but you only are to be esteemed, and accounted happy, who use your time (being so great a treasure) in perfecting such good Works, and rare Inventions as are both honest and profitable to whole Nations, and in particular to our own Kingdom, who keep war against ignorance that knoweth no virtue, honesty nor duty, and therefore meaneth no truth; for our parts (let malicious envy detract never so much) yet after Ages shall say, that we meant really and candidly, and our endeavours aimed at such substantial marks as contain the honour, fame, and perpetual memory of our Gracious Sovereign, and his Subjects health, profit, and pleasure. These men thus tickled in the head thought that they had certainly now, and never till now found out the true way of thriving, protection, and good forecast, whereupon they all agreed, that this was the only way to become suddenly rich, that ever was or could be discovered; and so from thenceforth (after the manner of their master) they took upon them the name of Projectors, men of the best forecast, utterly disclaiming all their former Trades, Professions, Arts, Sciences, Mysteries, Crafts, and Occupations, to all intents and purposes whatsoever. It would do you good to hear the whole pack of these together, they are so excellent both for sent and cry, and because you shall see what varieties of Projects they daily brought in, I will endeavour to relate some of them to you, whereof some have failed long since, and are utterly abolished, others make a fair show for the present, but are very likely to come to the same pass the former have done; and by these that I will describe you may judge what the rest are like to be. Projects. 1 THe good old Scriviner he would needs have a Monopoly, were it but the sole engrossing of all Loveletters in Prose and Verse in these his Majesty's Dominions of England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. 2 The Lawyers had a great mind to have foisted in a fift Term, and have increased the multiplication of Officers according to the augmentation of suits of this present age above the former. 3 The officer on the Bank side, beside certain small impositions devised how to entitle the chief Butler to the sole Licensing of all Liters and small Vessels for carrying and recarrying of all Merchandises whatsoever within the River of Thames. 4 The Engineer would drive bacl the Ocean, and make firm land, not doubting but by that and certain hidden Treasure, or Treasure Trover elsewhere whereof he had notice, the world should take more notice of him very shortly. 5 The Miller had invented a new Milne to grind Corn, and because the old Windmill had not only his Sails mounted in the Wind, but also all the whole Fabric of the Milne, by which means it is subject to be blown down with storms; he therefore will have a Plegnicke Windmill to stand firm on the ground without any hazard or danger of blowing down; and as the old Milne hath his cross Sails to be haled, and turned to the Wind, this Milne shall have Sails lie round on the top of the house, always ready for all Winds; it shall grind with three or four pair of Stones at once, and three or four times as much Meal in one hour; and of these he would have five sorts; the first was called a Horsewin, because it moved with the Horse and Wind; the second was a Horsewater, because it went by Horse, and Water; the third a Windwater, because it went by Wind and Water; the fourth a Horswinwater, moved with Horse, wind, and Water together; the fifth a Water Plegnicke which should move invisibly under the water by the Water. 6 There is a new Art and Invention Metalorganicke, which chief by the means of Plegnicke Instruments maketh another new kind of Water Milnes, Windmilnes, Horse Milnes, and hand Milns for the grinding of Corn, Tanner's Bark, Brazill, for the sawing of Woods, making of Oils, battering of Irons, and Coppers, and for Tuckeage and Fullage of Woollen cloth, or Yellow oiled Leathers, or for any other use or purpose whatsoever, that other Milnes serve for, and these are less chargeable to make, set up, keep, and repair, and yet more necessary, and convenient than any other sort of Milnes which be now in use. 7 There is a new Art and Invention of making an artificial kind of Waterwork for the abundant raising, and mounting of Water after an easier order than those that are already used in the Commonwealth. 8 There is another new Art and Invention for the making of very effectual and beneficial Instruments of Fishing, as new kind of Burces, new kind of Nettage, and Bateage, by which new devised means, great abundance of Fish might be caught with fare less charges, and in shorter time then by the ordinary Arts of Fishing. 9 There is another new Art and Invention of making divers kinds of moveables, as artificial Doors, Windows, Curtains, Presses, Tables, Stools, Bedsteads, Hang, Chests, and divers other things, handsomer, and more convenient than heretofore is done by the ordinary way of other stuff. 10 There is another new Art and Invention by divers new exact Mechanike Arts, Mysteries, Ways and Secrets, to melt, make and work Irons, Steeles, Leades, Tinnes, Coppers, Brasses, and such like; also all kind of Metalick concoctions, as Sandmettals, Ashemettals Ammels, and such like; also all kind of Earth's, as Tiles, Pavingstones, Bricks, and such like, with Sea-coal, Pit-coale, Earthcoale, and Brush Fewell, and this ways he could save in this Kingdom, three hundred and thirty thousand pounds yearly. 11 Another new Art and Invention is for the breeding of Fowl and Pullen, which he would have sold, but at the rate of eight pence a couple, one with another, and would be worth (as he says) in this Kingdom, yearly four hundred thousand pounds. 12 Another new Art and Invention is to plant great store of Fruit trees in this Kingdom, which would arise to twelve hundred thousand pounds per annum. 13 Another new Art and Invention is to suppress half the Pigeon houses, and Pigeons kept over Gates, Chambers, and other places for that purpose, whereby he would yearly save in this Kingdom, so much Corn as is worth two Millions of pounds at the least, which they destroy and spoil. 14 Another by destroying all feathered Fowls, would save yearly in this Realm as much Corn as is worth three Millions of pounds. 15 Another by destroying of Vermin, would save yearly the worth of five thousand pound at the least, besides young Fawns, Hawks, and Rabbits. 16 Another by a general destroying of Rats, and Mice, would save yearly, in Bread, Cheese, Corn, and other things, four hundred thousand pounds at the least. So that in these six last Projects, he would save yearly in this Kingdom nine Millions, two hundred thousand pounds, besides the good that should grow thereby to the Commonwealth. 17 Another new Art and Invention was devised and erected for the Institution of Noblemen and Gentlemen, and all ingenuous men who will strive to deserve, called an Academy, but that was not the Inventors' aim, for he cared not how they profited, so his purse might have some feeling. 18 Another rare Art and Invention was put in execution for the making of excellent good Bar Iron from the Iron Stone or Mine to the Bar without the help of a Furnace, and that with Small Coal; and in every Tun of Iron, whereas the old way of melting spent at the least six loads and a half of Charcoal, this way would spend in every Tun but five loads of Small Coal. 19 Another new Art and Invention was to make and erect certain new Kilnes or Furnaces to dry Malt, Hops, washed Wheat, Oats, Flax, Hemp, Bark, Felt, Fish, Wool, and such like without the touch of smoke, also with the selfsame fire, and at the same time, will in a most perfect form and equality of dispersion of heat, roast, bake, boil, or brew, dry linen, stove, bathe, distil, and such like things without the sight of fire or annoyance of smoke. 20 Another new Art and Invention is devised by the Fulling Milner, which was a Wooden Horse, that with Scrues and Devises should travel further in a day by much than the Dromedaries, carry a fare greater burden and I warrant you fast much longer, and for profit he is very reasonable, for he craves but one of the new Farthings for every pound that all Brewers, Bakers, Carriers, Kidders, Maulsters, and others shall carry, or transport thereon from place to place through the Realms of England, Scotland, and Ireland, and Dominion of Wales, toward the repairing of the cracked perricranion much decayed in the study of this rariety, which for Art and Workmanship surpasseth any that ever was Invented of that sort. 21 Another seeing Grain grow very dear, and mouths daily increase, for a remedy Invented how to make good and perfect nutrimental bread of Pompions, Melons and Cucumbers, and intended presently to profess the Mystery, unless the Company of Bakers would make composition with him for the suppression of the secret. 22 Another most rare and new Intendion was to preserve life by removing of any man from the cold into the warm, and from the warm into a more warmer climate, exceeding in heat as Nature shall more and more decay, and old age draw on, whereby to supply that with Art, wherein Nature faileth. A brave Project to make the life of man (by observing of this order, and following the Sun as he goes forward in age) to continue five times as long. An excellent Invention, certainly to fool the Fates, and a stratagem to overthrow the Universe Fabric of the Pharmacopea. 23 This puts me in mind of another, a very notable one, who pretended to lengthen life also by removing ill savours; And to this end his ingenuous Projecting brain devised that every man, and woman within the City of London should employ two boxes made very close of Wood to keep in the smell, and these must be removed with Carts every two days, and then brought again being discharged, and cleansed; and for these his extraordinary pains, and charges, he would have but a penny a Week of every house, only the chiefest gain he expected was out of that which he carried away, whereof he intended to make Saltpetre, and so furnish the Realm extraordinarily with Gunpowder; this was not very well liked by the Goldfinders, for had it gone on, they must of necessity have turned Saltpetermen, because they know no other trade but what concerned such stinking business. 24 Another new Invention was the engrossing of Soapemaking, which when all the Undertakers were almost beggared, they were glad to sell to the Old Soapemakers again. 25 Another new Invention was to seal all the Butter that came into the Cities of London, Bristol, or Newcastle, pretending none but what was very good, and for every Firkin he engrossed two pence. 26 Another most rare Invention was that because Usury is held unlawful by the laws of God and Man, and only connived at for trade sake, therefore he would have all Usurers pay to the King twelve pence in every pound of money taken for Interest, so that out of the years use of one hundred pounds, his Majesty should have eight shillings. 27 Another would have an halfpenny a joint for every joint of Meat dressed by any common Cook, on a Friday or Saturday. 28 Another considering the great inconvenience to the City of London by the smoke of the Brickilns, would have a Patent to make them pay sixpences in every thousand of Bricks. I could increase my book to a greater Volume, if I should name all the Projects which I have known, but because I intent this book for an hour's recreation I will conclude with one more. 29 The next therefore comes the whole rabble of threadbare Clerks, and bankrupt Tradesmen, who having already discovered and laid open the abuses, deciets, and slights of all Offices, and Occupations fit for reformation, would now in all the haste have an Office erected to procure Assigners, create Registers, Surveyors, deputy Surveyors, Clerks of the Patent, Masters of the Works, and the like, together with Clerks of every several Shire the better to attend & see to the reformation, and to gather up the yearly revenues, and return them into the Office, and all this should be for the ease and relief of the poor subject, and great revenues to his Majesty, his Heirs, and Successors. 32 Of this ragged regiment, the one had stolen an Invention of making an Engine with a Plegnicke Screw, for this service of purpose, ten whereof being plied with three able men a piece should beat an Army of thirty thousand armed men out of the field; but says he, when it hath killed a whole Army of men, and they very thick on heaps, how shall the Engine go. 33 Another of them had got a fine device to make Vessels row themselves against Wind and Tide, also he would have a most curious Dinner served by invisible hands out of the water, on a Table, and be set into a Barge; and a Dragon should fly all the while over the Barge, and spit out of his mouth Bottles of most rich Wine; this should have been showed upon the Thames, but when it came to the serving up of the Dinner, it would not do; whereupon he had no other excuse, But a pox on't, some body had cut his Cable: Now you must understand that none of these famous fellows, but either had or sought most earnestly to have a Patent of Privilege to engross these Projects solely to themselves, pretending no benefit at all to them, but only so fare forth as to defray their necessary expenses, but all the profit to accrue only to his Majesty, and the good of the Commonwealth, which how false they are, the success of these several Projects in this Age will show to every one. These Projects had very ill success, because as I have showed you, they had every one of them some great faults, as insufficiency, exceeding dearness, exceeding baseness or ugliness. The new Waterworkes to raise Waters being less sufficient for the purpose then the old way, and more chargeable to be erected, and in regard of excellency more imperfect, became a worthless Project. The new Invention of melting Iron from the Oar with Sea-coal, had one of the before recited faults; for though it may be melted that way, yet the good Mettalicall quality of the Iron is destroyed, or at least the greatest part of it; for there is a certain arsenical, or Antimonial quality in all subterraneal substances combustible, both which are poisons to Iron, and make it altogether insufficient. The Engine to sow Wheat was less excellent than the old ordinary way of sowing. The Invention of making Windowing of pure Venice Glass, the sale Mechanic was exceeding dear, and costly, and therefore although it be more excellent or more sufficient than the ordinary kind of Windowing by green Glass, yet the Projector can do no good of it, because it hath the fault of exceeding dearness. The great Imperial Engine before spoken of was to be tried amongst the whole Company of Projectors but when the fire was given, it being overtaken by mistake of measure, and moderation (a matter which Projectors seldom regard, and spends so much money in fundamental trials as they call them) it suddenly recoiled and breaking in the discharge took Pompeon Bread such a blow on the bosom, that he was presently carried off, and is never likely to repair to the Court again, until a dear year repair his reputation. The Fulling milner's famous wooden Horse not like the Trojan Horse used to War, started at the mighty crack, cast his burden, and before he came to Islington, broke one of his hinder legs, by which he became utterly unserviceable, and not long after also gave up his unparaleld life, bequeathing his body (like Tom Lankfords' Gelding) to his Master for Winter fuel to comfort his melancholy soul. These things and many others falling out very contrary to this brave courageous mind, cast him into an incurable consumption of Conceit, although he was a while palliated by some letters from others his fellows, of a better success upon another trial, but all would not serve turn; his Physicians found that he was much troubled with a Reference, but was a little lightened by a cordial Certificate, yet in the end no Physic could be administered that could work with him, but of an extraordinary obstruction, and stopping at the Great Seal, he shortly after died. Since whose death I find that in the time of his sickness, be made his last Will and Testament in writing, desiring that there might be an Office erected of purpose for the enrolling of the same, and of others his successors, wherein he shown himself a true Projector both in life and death. The Projectors last Will and Testament. IN the name of the great Egerian Nympha, propitious Patroness of all Projectors, since she first inspired her Pomphilius the most Potent that ever was of that Profession. I that was before busied in making, and framing of Commonwealths, as my least Employment, am now become no more than an ordinary mortal man, making my last Will and Testament in manner and form following: Imprimis, I will that my tenth part in the running Lottery be bestowed in the building of an Hospital, to which the maimed Projectors that have miscarried shall be conveyed to be there well provided for, recovered, and made serviceable. Item, My will is, that if any Courtier after my decease prove so miraculously honest as to perform to mine Executors what he contracted with me in my life time, it be disbursed in the erecting of certain Almshouses for the receit only of such as have consumed their estates in attending for great Preferments, Offices, Clerkships, and Surveyors places, upon the deceitful proof and success of Projects; and one of these Almshouses I think fit to be built in Ram Alley, where they may have the benefit of the Temple Garden, and Gallery to free them from the suspicion of danger, for of all Spices the very sight of the Mace frights them almost into a quotidian Ague; another I would have to be in Milford Lane, where I have found good refuge myself at a pinch; the third to be in Fulwoods' Rents in Holborn, for the benefit of Gray's Inn, and Purpoole Lane for their outlet, and the fourth to be in Montague Close for their Summer house. Item, I give and bequeath all that piece of ground lying between the trees in the Inner Temple on the East side to be a Summer walk for Gentlemen of that Profession for ever. Item, I give and bequeath unto the said Professors, the long Wooden Gallery extending over the Middle Temple Lane going towards the Water side, to be their Winter retiring place for ever. Item, I likewise bequeath my whole share of the Moiety of the late Project, for pickling of Pilchers Westward towards the repairing of the said Gallery now much decayed, and for the glazing of the said Windows there, that the Sisiphonian heads of our Projectors be not endamaged by reason of the cold, and so their Designs become airy and unprofitable. Provided always, that if any of them shall be heard to talk of any less some of money then thousands in either of the said places, they forthwith lose the benefit of this present Legacy. Item, I further bequeath unto the said Professors, and their successors the whole profit that shall arise and accrue in and by the late invention of the sole making and erecting certain profitable Stoves for roasting, baking, boiling of all meats, and drying of Malt without sight of fire, or touch of smoke, whereby the food is not corrupted, and the liquor so much more subtle for and towards the staying of their sharp stomaches before dinner time, upon this condition, that their morning meeting for this purpose shall be at the Welsh Ordinary in Chancery Lane, and their diet no other than what shall be cooked, and dressed by the said invention that their wits may be refined, and so exceed ordinary capacities. Item, I give and bequeath unto the Salt-Peter men aforesaid my little Tenement by the Ducking Ponds to be their Workhouse for ever. Item, I give and bequeath unto the Professors aforesaid all my Instruments and Tools Permanent, and Transient, both Plegnicke, Lenicke, and Caminicke, as Presses, Vices, Screwes, bellows, Tongues, Moulds, Dryers, Rammers, and all my Instruments, whatsoever, with their and every of their appurtnances which are at my Workehouse at Isllington Highbury, or elsewhere within these his Majesty's Realms and Dominions of England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. Item, I give and bequeath unto my brethren the Brokers of London my whole standing Wardrobe, in hope that they will Register this deed, and for the Donators sake for ever observe the Vigils of Saint Hugh. His Funeral I will pass over as not worth speaking of, only I will bestow an Epitaph on him, which is the last point of service that I can do him. And may this Story many Ages after, For loss of our Projector move much laughter. FINIS. EPITAPH. REader if thou feign wouldst know who lies here entombed below, Know 'tis one who in his time the Commonwealth strived to refine: All Trades now used seemed to him toys as if they'd been devised by boys; He had such ways to mend the same That got him an admired name With many friends and riches store yet for all this he died poor. All you therefore that this way pass and cast your eye upon these lines Lament our brave Projectors loss, who hath not left his like behind; For here he lies got wealth and lands that now wants strength to stir his hands. And here believe it he hath found, after many a weary look A parcel of concealed ground, never came in Tippers Book, Let him have this little quillet, for his Worms, and he will fill it. T. B.