A bull FROM ROME, CONSISTING OF 15. PARDONS for Delinquents in these kingdoms. with a Declaration of the Pope's Election in the chair at Rome, where the Cardinals (with their pisspot-up arms) do use to feel (before his consecration) whether he be a Man or Woman. Whereunto is occasionally related by them, the original cause of womens' veils and of their wicked tongues. According to the copy Printed at ROME. LONDON Printed, and are to be sold by Henry Walker, 1641. A bul from Rome. Consisting of 15. Pardons for Delinquents in these kingdoms. All you that burdened are with money, Draw near, and buy sweet Milk and Honey. Have amongst you with mine Holy Water-pitcher. He that hath ears to hear, let him hear: for lo, I grant most powerful Pardons to all sort of Nations, Religions, and Callings: Protestants, or Papists, Puritans or Atheists, all shall be accepted for ready money. And to show that I am not minded to poison any of you; therefore, here I shall I take a large taste myself of such purgatory stuff, as I am to deliver unto every one of you: & so (in conceit) swallow over mine own pardon, which I brought with me in a box from Rome. To wit, although I begui●ed the Pope, and brought with me to Rome a Rake, instead of a shovel: yet my pardon is granted, in hope of the benefit which they (doubtsomly) deem to reap by me hereafter. Now come apace, both papist, Puritan, and Atheist, young and old, whatsoever, come with courage, for I refuse no sort of money: and you shall understand, that these my pardons are not altogether popish: for the Pope granteth pardons to none except the money be presently laid down: but as for myself, I will trust any one a pardon as long time as he will grant to hold his finger in the fire. Yea, I will be kinder yet: whosoever hath no money to buy his pardon I will freely give it him for his coat. 1. I must of force grant pardons unto all those men who have wicked wives, yea, without rehearsing their faults whatsoever. And more than that, suppose I should never look the Pope in the face again, yet I absolutely absolve the aforesaid persons from any other purgatory than that which they suffer here in the company of an ill wife. 2. Let Demas also come, and receive his pardon for two pence; for although he thought to win a world of Goods by preaching the gospel, and when he saw that riches followed not, than he left off: yet I had rather have his two pence in this world, than hereafter to want both man and money also. 3. Although Godfridus, Emperor of Rome when he had most manfully fought the battle of the Romans, against the Arabians, would not suffer the Romans to set a single Crown of gold upon his head: saying, That Christ, his Saviour had worn an ignominious, and sharp crown of Thornes; therefore he would never wear a glorious and easy crown on Earth: Yet I dare and do take upon me, to pardon the Pope himself, who weareth, at his pleasure, a threefo●d crown: signifying the three heads of Cerberus, the Dog of Hell. 4. Our Scottish and English captains of war shall be nevertheless pardoned for money, although some of them have made 8. days in the week, to their soldiers yea, and other some 9 whereas God himself hath ordained only 7. days in the week, of the which we are not only allowed, but also commanded, to work and travel 6. and to rest on the 7. day, because the Lord hath so sanctified it unto himself. 5. I grant a Pardon un●o a certain Printer, who printed Cakolicks for Catholics; for we that are penniless poets in England, are now and then beholden to the Printers, by reason of our Dedications, saith Mr. Greene. 6. As for our women now adaye; who cover themselves, both head and face as well in Church, as in Market, with their country's kind of veils, with great reason I grant them pardons, and shall here in few words, tell you my reason why; and together, confute, confound, and put to silence, all such as hitherto have dared to rail against them in that behalf. A Popish Relation. When Christ walked on earth with his Disciples, Peter, John, James, & the rest they passing by a little Village (say they) they heard two women, as they thought, scolding together at the speed, with many fair Curses, Malisons & vengeances. So that Christ said to Peter, go thou to yonder couple, while I tarry here, and exhort them in my name, to leave flyting, banning, and swearing. Now mine Author saith, that it was the devil and a woman flitting together, to exercise themselves, even because she had hired him to teach her to outscold all her neighbours. But when Peter came and preached unto them, they defied him, & spat upon him: so that Peter being wrathful, drew his sword, and cut off both their heads, & went and told his Master what had happened. Whereat Christ being offended, said unto Peter, thou hast done wickedly to slay those poor Creatures in their sins: therefore go thou back unto them, and I will give thee power and commandment, to set their heads on again, that they may repent, and be saved. Then Peter running in his hasty anger, took up the woman's head and set it upon the devil, and set the devil's head upon the woman: and, as I think, there it remaineth yet; for surely it must needs be a devil's head, which hath such an evil tongue within it, as surpasseth the Stings of Asps and Adders: yea, curseth all her kindred, and banisheth her husband the country. Then with what reason can you blame our women to cover such heads as those? You know, that who so hath but the least blemish or Scar of a Wen, Mole, or Wart, will strive to hide it. And think ye it then unlalwfull for a woman to hide that ugly Blemish, even Satan's head, standing upon the shoulders of our dainty Dames, as well as upon our gross kitchen-stuff, and upon tripping mincing Mistress, as well as upon Meg with the mealy mouth? I deny not indeed, but that it was a custom in the Old Testament, for the Whores to cover themselves with veils, sitting by the highways, that thereby they might be known to be of that light Occupation. But this was far from any custom of honest Women, howsoever both Ginny and my Lady are now alike muzzeled about their snouts, so that even honesty itself cryeth, fie for shame, upon them. Yet, I say they shall be pardoned for the causes before mentioned. And because it is said, that this whorish sort of covered heads and faces, is most usual in our Brittanian North, therefore I begin first to prepare your Pardons, wishing you also to prepare money, for indeed yours is a cold soil, and who dare forbid you therefore to be covered? A certain Englishman saith, that Pope Joanna had certainly the devil's head on her shoulders, and that all the Popes ever since have been of her brood, even because (saith he) they were all womanly and devilish. 7. Panlickers are those who are Flatterers, of Kings, Princes, and other great Personages: and Pen-lickers are those whom we call Scribes (forsooth) and notorious, both these shall be pardoned. 8. It is reported unto me, that a certain Lord's bastard son, begot a bastard with another Lady's bastard daughter: surely this must needs in time bring forth a bastardly Generation. Not the less, I pardon them all for money & beseech them not only to read, but also earnestly to weigh these few words of the spirit, those children which are begotten in whoredom, shall be the very witnesses of the wickedness of their parents. The 4. Chap. of the Books of wisdom; ver. 6. 9 The Corn-mongers, and Fore-stallers of the Markets, must not here be neglected: but yet I bid them take heed, that they follow not the example of their forefathers too much: whereof some have hanged themselves, some drowned themselves, & other some cut their own throats. Amongst whom, I must needs here tell you of one, who having abundance of corn and meal, even in the time of extreme Dearth, yea, and of Famine saith mine Author, yet still and still kept up his victuals, in hope that the prices would grow higher, and higher yet. But, as God would, the prices came down, and the Corn grew so cheap, that this jolly merchant went to buy a roap to hang himfelfe: but coming to the roapers' shop, his greedy stomach would but serve him to give a groat for a rope, whereas the Roaper would not sell it under 6 pence: so that he thought in himself, that in a short time the prices of ropes would come down, as the corn had done, so that he hoped to buy a sixpeny rope for twopence, and then to hang himself good cheap. 10 Let the point-makers, and Button-makers, then draw near, and receive their conjunct pardon, not each for two pence, but the one for as many points, as will go round about the knees of my breeches in pomp, and the other as many buttons; for though I need them not now, yet i know not how soon. 11. And of force I must also pardon the pretty Pin-maker, & that for a paper of pins to my wife: always, I pray thee beware, that they be good indeed with fair heads, and fast set on: or else; I assure thee, she will not stick to curse both thee, who made them, and me who brought her them. 12. The Needle-makers may boldly come for their pardons, because they are not only profitable for our wellbeloved tailors, but also for good huswives, at home, soldiers abroad, and Beggars everywhere. 13. Bu● with the best will of all, I freely allow my best Pardons upon those of the Gentle Craft, and all others also who are any ways appendicles, or subordinaries to that Calling: to wit, all those that make awls, Pantoffle-heeles, thread of hemp, pegs of Wood, Lasts for shoes and boots, and all other such ingenious instruments, for so high a Science. And therefore I charge, and command even in the name, and full authority of the Pope himself, & that under the pain of his holiness high displeasure, and to be holden as an heretieke, and sent to purgatory for five thousand years; that neither Printer nor Poet, after the date hereof dare to take in hand to speak any ways inv●ctively against them, either in their books, Ball●ts, or other Libels: no, not so much as once to name them by the name of Souter, nor yet to dare rehearse those fearful battles fought in Hell, betwixt the tailors and them, striving who should be greatest there; except indeed the Printer or Poet, first bring the devil's hand-writing, in true Tes●●fication that the Souters have the victory: & then let them proceed in their due praise, to the name of all Romish tailors. 14. Here now I grant a pardon to a loving woman, who gave a discreet answer, when she was asked if her husband was hanged, saying: He was hanged once, but now he is not: In spite of his Foes, his Friends did ease that. For my dearest Love had not hung hours twain, But I got his pardon, and cut him down again. 15. Now at the last, I must also give a pardon to an holy Priest, who was clouting of his shoes when his neighbours called upon him, to go quickly (before another came) and win money, to bring a dead corpse to the grave: and he being in such haste, could not find his knife to cut away the Lingell, but let it trail after him to the church, and sung this holy Quire-song the space of a mile, betwixt the house and the grave, with many repetitions, as followeth: Ye that follow me behind, Tread not on my lingels' end, A Tale of the Pope's Consecration. MOST of all to be accounted, is that holy and miraculous stool at Rome, saith one, wherewith they choose the Pope, and prove him to be a Man, not a Woman; for he that is chosen to be Pope, on the day of election, is set in this stool, and a Cardinal standing on either side, they strip up their sleeves, and with their naked hands and arms, feel from under the stool, whether it be a Man or a Woman, and so give Declaration unto the whole rabble there convened, And this hath been their custom ever since the englishwoman beguiled them, who was their Pope, about the space of 3 years, even Successor to Leo the 4. Anno 852. FINIS.