Madam Celliers ANSWER TO THE POPE'S LETTER. Dated from the Vatican the 1st of August, 1680. Wherein she Declares her fidelity and firmness to the Catholick-Cause,  
And expresses her Joy for his HOLINESSES Compassionate Bounty and Care of his Afflicted Daughter, with the Relation how, she was Delivered by the help of his Sons the Jesuits in Newgate, of her late Prodigious Narrative, and also of her mighty Sufferings, and strange Adventures that has befell her since her late Confinement.  
With her humble Request to her Holy Father to send her a thousand pounds out of the Catholic Contributions, in order to the paying of her Fine, that she may give him a speedy Visit, & instruct him farther in his grand Affairs.  
HOLY FATHER,  
IT is not to be expressed, what Joy I conceived at the perusal of your Letter, which in spite of all the raging Heretics Devices to Entrap, came safe unto the hands of your obedient Daughter, who kissed it at least a thousand times  she could read it out; embracing it as the dear Pledge of Peace from you, unto her restless Thoughts; whose Virtue most miracalously circumfused those Fears and Terrors that o'recast her Cloudy Soul and made her wander in a mist of Horrors and distracting Doubts; for me thoughts I had no sooner fixed my Eyes upon it, but my Plotting genius uneclipsed, and double Vigour spread through every part, The Cause came fresh into my mind, and I resolved not to give over, nor forsake those holy purposes my Brains were once so pregnant with, nor suffer them to fail for want of being put in Practice though I remained within the unhallowed Walls of a Terrestrial Tophet, not unlike your Purgatory, on the little Entry on the backside of your Seraglio, that leads to Pluto's Postern-Dore; through which as I have heard by some departed Jesuits, you send those Baggages of Nuns, as are so impudent as to deny their Universal Dad such Crumbs of Comfort to refresh his Cockatrice, as sordid Monks without a prick to Conscience daily Chew upon.  
But to wave that point, and yet come nearer to my own particular Case, you writ dear Father; that you lately heard from the Provincial of my mighty sufferings, but I am afraid you have not yet received the full Relation of them, as to the Meal-tub persecution, I doubt not but that you are fully informed in every circumstance, and perhaps more than was done, for I indeed did make the most on't, to gain the greater pity, and to set a fairer gloss upon the rugged Cause, but as for these late ones, O I dread to tell you all the deal of misery, lest it should turn you and your Conclave into Lachrime, and make you weep your Eyes out, at which I know the Heretics would laugh and sni●ker till they bepiss themselves, therefore as yet to tell the depth of my Afflictions you must excuse me, or I myself will hearty entreat your pardon, and in requital for the same if ever I come to Rome will present your Holiness with such a Mess of strengthening Jelly, as shall make Prickaro mount his head aloft, and then to lay it, will procure you one of the Bucksomest Lasses that your City can afford; you need not doubt my Skill in choosing, for all my sufferings and Afflictions have not made me to forget my ancient Trade of hagling for humane Flesh, or if it better like your Holiness to sail in a well seasoned Frigate (bona fide) you shall have my weather-beaten-Skiff, that be sure will hold against both Wind and Tide.  
But to my second Persecution, Oh I tremble for to name the minor part of it, least foreign Catholics should run stark mad to hear such horrors told, the which some millions here have done to see; oh my Narrative, that Balsam for the wounded Cause and Thunderbolt to guard it when once healed. That it was, that pulled on me this second Skeam of woe, one of which I doubt not but you have received as my Present to you and your Conclave, from my Lady's Footboy, whom we sent on purpose, and gave him moneys, with strict Charge to bring a couple of Indulgencies to dispense with Lying and Whoring, and such like trivial things, but I see your Catholic Care and Bounty has been great, to send me a hundred on freecost before the Lad could Arrive; but I will deserve them e'er I come to see you if my genius fail me not; for I have yet some twenty Plots in store that never yet were set on broach, all pickled up and kept as a Reserve; but I dwell too long upon Circumstances, and neglect materials. Well then, no sooner had I escaped so fairly from the bottom of the Meal-tub, and putting new Hoops thereon, to make it hold, sent it to your Holiness as the first Signal of the Causes good suceess, but I found my Soul more Active, and my Zeal blazed faster which prompted me on to lay a yet more deep Foundation to our tottering superstructure; whereupon I pondered a while, but long had not,  some unknown Cacodaemon buzzed into my Ears the laying down such fundamental precepts as might make the World believe the Plot was but a Chimaera of Fantastic Brains (no doubt but you sent him to promote so good a work, in which I was the notorious instrument) upon which I found my Brains too weak to manage such profound Affairs, yet resolved not to let the happy motion slip, I went to your beloved Sons in Limbus patrum) where the Heretics had put them up a fatting, and found means to tell them what a birth I laboured with, of which if they would help but to deliver me, it would not only be meritorious, but likewise advantageous to every man and Mother's Child that adore your Holiness, and hold you supreme Controller of Pandamonium; Well, I had no sooner proposed, but I found them readier to comply than I was to desire them. Having as they told me power to dispense with all manner of Villainies that might conduce to their Interest. Here we struck a Bargain, and as the three Heathen gods by pissing in old Baucis Bullhide did procure him a Son, so we by laying our mischievous Heads together in six weeks brought forth this monstrous Bantling for your Holiness, and sent it out full gorged with Poison to spit its Venom against our Adversaries, with a strict Charge, that wheresoever it came it should own you for Father and me for its mother. Some of your Sons of no mean Rank would have persuaded me to have put my Mounsiers Horns upon its Front, that so it might have pushed Heretics before it, and indeed such Arms might have done well in times so dangerous, for I dare affirm they are far larger if not quite as strong as those that Gedelia made for Ahab in the days of yore. This device, or else the Blackamoors gimcracks that I loved so well had certainly been put on; had not I upon second thoughts had greater Veneration for your Cross, which was no doubt very ominous, for it has proved Cross to me, and crossed every vain in my poor Heart.  
For why we are so eager in the shuffling our Offspring together, that he might not be took napping, and so rendered Abortive before he had Infected the Credulous, that we minded not of what stuff we tempered him, so that when he came narrowly to be sifted by the Judicious, he was found to be the damdest Medley that ever yet took; being some affirmed him to be quickened like Prometheus his Man of Clay, by the Mistick help of stolen Fire, the which to my sa● grief by the opening of Pandora's Box, I shortly after found too true) others affirmed him Hocuspocus Bastard got upon the Strumpet Legerdemain, and all in general concluded it, to have its Original from the Father of Malicious Lies, yet notwithstanding I brazened it out, and owned it as my Darling, though to tell the truth I had least share in it; well this would not serve my turn, for it was taken so to task, and shaken by the Heels, till high Misdemeanours, if not Treason in its black hue dropped out of its Pocket, or Chimically extracted from the other stuff, it was compounded of, than was your Daughter in the midst of all her Jollitry, once more surprised and hurried to Answer for the dangerous Ill's our Adversaries had drained from our Issue. But here the Counselling Daemon that was wont to attend my Sollitudes hearing the Heretics shout, left me in the lurch and sneaked to Hell, which so disheartened me that I had not Impudence enough to deny what I before had owned, so that the Wooden Engine with which you will see in my Narrative, I have so often upbraided my Late Placket Friend; to describe it, indeed it is almost like your Pontifick Chair, but that it wants a Canopy web to prevent this and the eminent Storm that the Heritick Rabble threatened to shower on my Crown, once more I Summoned my Infernal Fugitive in your powerful name who like a lowl eared Cur at last peeped with his Horns above board, after I had railed at him sufficiently I sent him to the Jesuits to consult with them what was best to be done, where by unanimous consent, it was agreed that when my Torments came to isult and bid me prepare for my Persecution I should take a Dose of strong Purgation, this I punctually observed, and timed it to the time they ordered me to be prepared for the dreadful business, but alas the Heretics deceived me, and gave a false Alarm, yet to prevent the worst I stood upon my Guard, feigned to be monstrous sick and discharged my whole Artillery at both ends, with such fury. that what for fume and noise, none durst approach me; this elusion made me half distracted and concluded the Devil was no Conjurer, for if he had, no doubt the Dog would have saved me this Project till there had been certain occasion for it; well, vexed as I was, I set my invention on the Wrack again, and being near Neighbour to your suffering Sons, I did in no wise want their Councils; so that again our Brains brought forth a project new, and strange, knowing that the time of my general Ostentation was not now far off, whereupon I sent my maid for a Bull's Cod, which filled with Blood I thrust into my Semicircle, upon the morning that I was by Order doomed to mount. Well, this fitted my purpose passing well, for when they came to bid me rise, I counterfeited Child-bed-throwes, and bellowed louder than the fattest Bull your Conclave ever afforded, and fetched such groans, as might well have been heard to Rome, yet my Tormentors were so barbarous as rudely to force entrance though I had barrocaded up the Door, than I yelled so, that those who heard from far, supposed the noise proceeded from a speaking Trumpet, which Outcry drove them back to him that sent them; then was a grave Matron sent for, who attended with a Female-guard, to view the Premises, and make a narrow search into the mighty business that had made the grand disturbance, the which after much Pumping of her Conscience I did permit, which seemed to me so soft, that Gold would make Impression there, and to boot, I also promised to get her one of your Indulgencies to pardon all the Lies she told, or Oaths that she should swear though never so false, but I was mistaken, & once more my Devil failed me in my greatest necessity, for she proved Heretical, and would not touch what I well thought all the World adored, but returned my monstrous teeming ignoramus, and to the immortal scandal of the holy Cause laid all the intrigue open, to the babbling World, well, I would not be so served, but called her false perfidious and a thousand Names roaring out louder than at first, and cursed with many Execrations loud and bloody, whereupon a second was produced, who was my Sister Trade, her by her Looks I dared to trust, and after found her to be neither Heretic nor Papist, nor indeed of any Religion whatsoever, but having left her Conscience fast asleep at home, for half a Crown a smaller Fee than ever I was bribed for, she did affirm the Scene was Tragical, and that the mighty Monster that had caused all this bustle, was about to peep into the World, offering to swear what ever I would have her; but in vain, for my persecutors would not believe one word, so that when I saw my Projects would not take I started up and bid defiance to them all, and presently betook me to my Armour, clapping on my Coat of Male; and for a Cask thrust my head into a Leathern-Bottle, then strenuously (as Rome's Championess) Like Jezabel I marched along to the War Chariot that they had prepared to transport me to the Theatre whereon I was to Act my part, in view of all the gaping Heriticks, but e'er I went, I did bethink myself that I should want a Buckler for to defend me from the lowering Tempest that I was to encounter with; and therefore gave order to my Maid to run before, and fetch my Peel, which I having got, mounted up aloft, and thought myself as pompous and as well attended as Pope Joan in her Procession to St. Angelo.  
Well then, I peeping through my Head-piece, could not choose but laugh to see the grinning Rout surround me, whilst I braved them with my wooden Buckler and Fence of trusty Bullhide, then presently the Storm began, and the persecuting Heretics with Rage tossed Millstones at me thick and fast, the least of which could not be less than a thousand weight, and Iron Globes about one hundred weight like Hail, which rebounded from my mighty Helmet, at least some fifty Yards into the Air; nay more than that, so furious were they bend on my Destruction, that some of them had planted Cannons whose Balls as fast as they were sent, like Sugar-plums I catched between my Teeth; but this no doubt was done by Miracle; after which I verily supposed they would have made Dianah on me, they having set me up in State, immediately a Fire was kindled, into whose Flames I doubted not but Ingeny would have been thrown in honour of my 〈…〉, and that the Heretics would have relented of the injuries late done, but 〈…〉 made to receive my I●sue that had caused all the Bustle; there did 〈…〉 are Babe expire, and was Perfumed with his Ruin.  
〈…〉 Persecutions, that the Heathen Emperors were strangers to did 〈…〉 suffer, or I would have you at least believe so, and persuade 〈…〉 belief as I have done to all the easy Catholics in England. Well, 〈…〉 ●●●ll they can inflict, your large promises will make amends; I will 〈…〉 last You say your Coffers are open, pray send me one thousand pounds in 〈…〉 procuring my discharge, that I may come to Rome and visit you to instruct 〈◊〉 in Affairs, you are yet ignorant of, to be your privy Counsellor, Nurse are Mi●●●●●● any of which would please me wondrous well; or if those places be supplied, to 〈◊〉 you intimated, Midwife-General to your Seraglio till England come into your hands. If you have not the money, make a Brief, and to encourage the Doners, tell them this lamentable Story, that I tied by the Great-toe with a Packthread, and hung out for a Sign on the top of all the Monument, and must not be taken down till the like Sum be paid. This from your Obedient Daughter, and faithful Servant to promote the Cause,  
NEWGATE, Oct. the 6. 1680. E. C.   

London, Printed by D. Mallet, 1680.