THE Chaplains Petition TO THE HONOURABLE HOUSE For Redress of Grievances.  By one of the Camp Chaplains. 

1.  
SInce the Ladies 'gainst Men  
Have to Paper put Pen  
By way of Most humble Petition,  
In hope your good pleasure  
Will once be at leisure  
To mend their now Scurvy Condition.   

2.  
And since you allow  
That impertinent Crew,  
Your Patience to weary and vex,  
With a thing of no moment,  
That has small weight, or none in't,  
But's as Idle and Light as their Sex.   

3.  
We, humble Famelicks,  
Divinity's Relics,  
In plain English, Chaplains Domestic;  
To make known our grievance  
For you to relieve once,  
On your Door do our earnest Request stick.   

4.  
Viz. Be it Enacted,  
That as 've contracted,  
Our Salaries may be Paid us:  
That when we're dismissed ill  
We may not go whistle,  
As an ordinary Footman or Maid does.   

5.  
For as to the Land all,  
It will be a Scandal  
To see Sons of Levi go Threadbare;  
Even so to be sure,  
If the Pastor is poor,  
His Flock will ne'er greet him with Head bare.   

6  
Next, when 've said Grace,  
Let's at Table have place,  
And not sculk among the Waiters:  
Or come in with the Fruit  
To give thanks, and sneak out,  
To Dine upon half empty Platters.   

7.  
But besides store of Dishes  
(One part of our Wishes)  
To fortify Maw Sacerdotal:  
Elemosinary Funk,  
And leave to be Drunk,  
We humbly desire you to Vote all.   

8.  
Item, Pray make us able  
To command Steed in Stable,  
When we are disposed ad ridendum:  
And if we want Boots,  
Whips, Spurs, or Sartoots,  
Oblige surly Groom strait to lend them.   

9  
Nor let our great Patrons,  
Or their ruling Matrons,  
Read the Butlers a Juniper Lecture,  
If sometimes they pass  
To our hands a stolen glass,  
Or some little Orts of Confecture.   

10.  
When long we have served,  
And Preferment deserved,  
Let's not miss of our just Expectations;  
By every Fopp's Letter  
For his Friend, that's no better,  
Or our Patron's more Blockhead Relations.   

11.  
For 'tis cause of grieving  
To see a good Living  
Which our Thoughts had long been fixed on,  
Be given to a Widgeon  
With no more Religion,  
And Learning much less than his Sexton.   

12.  
Nor yet let Matrimony,  
The worst sort of Simony,  
Be the Price of our Presentations:  
Nor to wed a cast Mistress  
When she's in great distress,  
Our requisite Qualification.   

13.  
And if't be our chance  
To serve against France,  
At Sea, on the Rhine, or in Flanders;  
We earnestly sue t' ye,  
That exempt from all duty  
We may Dine with our Pious Commanders.   

14.  
Then Brandy good store,  
With several things more,  
Which we Sons o'th' Church have a right in:  
But chief w' entreat,  
You'll never forget  
To excuse us from Preaching and Fight.   

15.  
Let not a Commission  
So change the condition  
Of him that just carried a Halberd;  
That a Dunce of no Letters  
Should Hector his Betters,  
For truly we cannot at all bear it.   

16.  
Nor when the War's done,  
Let's be broke every one,  
To languish in Rags and lie idle;  
Nor be so ill served,  
To be left to be starved,  
And kept by a Bear, and a Fiddle.   

17.  
May it therefore you Please,  
For your own and our Ease  
To relieve us without hesitation:  
For the Grievances told,  
Are as frequent and old  
As any besides in the Nation.   

18.  
Then on us take Pity,  
And choose a Committee,  
Let no other Business prevent ye;  
Our request do not spurn,  
Nor Vote it to Burn  
With a Nemine Contradicente.   

19  
To this if you yield,  
Our Mouths shall be filled  
With Encomiums of your Piety;  
Whose excellent Fame  
We will loudly Proclaim  
And worship next that of the Deity.   

20.  
When thus you remove  
What we disapprove,  
We all, down to Z from the Letter A;  
By Night and by Day,  
Will fervently Pray,  
As in Duty bound, &c a.    

LONDON, Printed for the use of the Petitioners; and sold by Tho. Ranew in Fleetstreet near Temple Barr. 1693.