Coffeehouses Vindicated IN ANSWER To the late Published CHARACTER OF A COFFEE-HOUSE  
Asserting From Reason, Experience, and good Authors, the Excellent Use, and Physical Virtues of that Liquor.  
With The grand Conveniency of such civil places of Resort and Ingenious Conversation.  
LONDON, Printed by I. Lock for I. Clerk. 1675,   

Coffeehouses Vindicated. IN ANSWER To the late Published Character of a Coffeehouse.  
WIt of late is grown so wanton, and the humour of Affecting it, become so common, that each little Fop whose spongy Brain can but coin a small drossy joque, or two, presently thinks himself privileged to Asperse every Thing that comes in his way though in itself never so Innocent, or beneficial to the Public; To the Influence of this predominant Folly, we may not improperly refer the Production of those swarms of Insect Pamphlets which the Press weekly spawns into the World, and particularly the Nativity of that Folio-Impertinence which occasions our present Reflections; A Peice whose flaunting Title raised our thoughts to an expectation of somewhat extraordinary; But finding little in it but downright Abuse, The Quintessence of Billingsgate Rhetoric dregs of Canting, and such Rubbish Language, as Bubbling, Bully-Rock., Fluxing, Gonorrhoea, etc. Charity itself could not but suspect the Author more conversant somewhere else then in Coffeehouses, and conclude those places being too Civil for a debauched Humour, had given occasion for his exposing them As Lay-Conventicles, etc.  
However we shall preserve that equal regard to Solomon's double-faced advice, To Answer and not Answer such as our characterizing Author, That we shall decline Retorting any thing particularly to his scurrilities; Let the Town-witt (whom we leave to take his own satisfaction) Fence with him if he please at those Weapons; a formal Answer would be too great an Indulgence to his Vanity, and make him think too considerably of himself; Besides to reply in the pitiful stile of his peddling Drollery is to engage in a Game at Push-pin, And to say any thing s●ri●● will be no more (to borrow his Phrase) than reading a Lecture to a Monkey; Instead therefore of wasting our own or the Readers time so Impertinently, We shall briefly endeavour to give you an Account of the Use and Virtues of Coffee, and next consider some of those many conveniences Coffeehouses afford us both for business and conversation.  
Though the happy Arabia, Nature's spicery prodigally furnishes the voluptuous World with all kind of Aromaticks and divers other Rarities, yet I scarce know whether Mankind be not still as much obliged to it for the excellent fruit of the humble Coffee-shrub▪ As for any other of its more specious productions, For since there is nothing we here enjoy next to Life valuable beyond Health, certainly those things that contribute to preserving us in good plight, and eucrasy and fortify our weak bodies against the continual Assaults and Batteries of Diseases deserve our regards much more, than Those which only gratify a liquorish palate, or otherwise prove subservient to our delights; As for this salutiferous Berry, of so general a Use through all the Regions of the East, 'tis sufficiently known when prepared to be moderately hot and of a very drying attenuating and cleansing Quality, whence Reason infers That its decoction must contain many good Physical properties, and cannot but be an Incomparable Remedy to dissolve Crudities, comfort the Brain, and dry up Ill Humours in the Stomach, In brief to prevent or redress in those that frequently drink it All cold drowsy Rheumatic Distempers whatsoever that proceed from Excess of Moisture, which are so numerous, that but to name them would Tyre the Tongue of a Mountebank.  
This consideration alone should methinks be sufficient to Ingratiate it to our Esteem, since the use thereof does thence appear absolutely necessary, especially to us in whom Phlegm is apt to abound both by reason of the Northern situation of our Country and the ill habit of extraordinary drinking grown too Epidemical among us.  
Experience proves; That there is nothing more effectual than this reviving Drink to restore their senses that have Brutified themselves by immoderate Tippling heady Liquors which it performs by its exsiccant property beforementioned, that instantly dries up that cloud of giddy Fumes which boiling up from the overcharged Stomach, oppress the Brain; But this being only a kindness to voluntary Devils (as my Lord Cook calls common Drunkards) we should scarce reckon amongst Coffe's virtues did it not evidence its quality and show how beneficial it may prove by parity of Reason, when designed to more worthy and noble uses, Such as expelling Wind, fortifying the Liver, refreshing the Heart, Corroborating the Spirits, both Vital and Animal, quickening the Appetite, assisting Digestion, helping the Stone, taking away Rheums and Defluxions, with a thousand other kindnesses to Nature, which we might Enumerate, did we not think it a sufficient Argument of its Excellency only to observe, How universally it takes in the World, For we cannot without an Affront to our Nature imagine mankind so sottish As greedily to entertain a Drink that has nothing of sweetness to recommend it to the Gust, nor any of those pleasant blandishments wherewith Wine and other Liquors tempt and debauch our Palates, unless there were some more than ordinary virtue and efficacy in it, yet we see without any of these insinuating advantages, Coffee has so generally, prevailed that Bread itself (though commonly with us voted the staff of Life) Is scarce of so universal use, For of that the Tartars and Arabians vast and numerous people Eat little or none, whereas both they and the Turks, Persians and almost all the Eastern World are so devoted to Coffee, that besides Innumerable Public houses for sale of it, There is scarce a private Fire without it all day long; As any that are but moderately acquainted with Sashes and Turbans can witness, Is it not enough to silence the Barking of our Little Wits against this Innocent and wholesome Drink That is so generally used by so many mighty Nations, and those too celebrated for the most witty and Sagavious.  
Nor wants this Liquor the Suffrages of excellent Authors; The famous Parkinson in his exquisite Herbal p. 1622. commends it for the strengthening weak Stomaches, Helping digestion and obstructions, and tumors of the Liver and Spleen; The Incomparable Verulam in his Natural History foe 155. amongst other encomiums asserts that it comforteth the Brain, and by condensing the Spirits expelleth fear and maketh them strong and cheerful; Sandy's in his Travels, and the Judicious Sir H. B. both in his Voyage to the Levant and elsewhere speaks very advantageously of it, Nor did the Ingenious Mr. Howel in his Life time deny it his public testimony in Print, In a Letter to Mr. Just. R. before his Organon salutis;  
After so many worthy Names have given it their Votes, what have our puisne Quiblers to object? Only this, 'tis black and therefore Wit must be shown to call it Stygian Puddle; And besides this, 'tis bitter, and therefore a Lie must be framed, That it is made of Soot.  
For the first, were they but so well acquainted with the Prince of Latin Poets As our Character-maker would make us believe he is with Ovid by his dull tedious and Impertinent Quotation, They might remember Alba Ligustra cadunt, vaccivia Nigra Leguntur.  
'Tis the opinion of better Heads than any on their Shoulders That this Liquor is no other than that famous Black Broth of the Lacedæmonians so much celebrated by Antiquity.  
For its Taste 'tis a pitiful childish humour always to Indulge our Palates, Diseases are removed by bitter Pills, and the most sanative Potions are ofttimes very ungrateful to swallow, But the truth is, this Drink has nothing in it of Nauseousness, nor any Taste but what familiarized by a little use will become pleasant and delightful.  
The dull Planet Saturn has not finished one Revolution through his Orb since Coffeehouses were first known amongst us, yet 'tis worth our wonder to observe how numerous they are already grown, not only here in our Metropolis, but in both Universities and most Cities and eminent Towns throughout the Nation; Nor indeed have we any Places of entertainment of more use and general conveniency in several respects amongst us.  
First, In regard of easy expense, being to wait for or meet a Friend, A Tavern reckoning soon breeds a Purse-Consumption, In an Alehouse you must gorge yourself with Pot after Pot, sit dully alone or be drawn in to club for others reckonings, be frowned on by your Landlady As one that cumbers the house and hinders better Guests, But here for a penny or two you may spend 2 or 3 hours, have the shelter of a House, the warmth of a Fire, the diversion of Company and conveniency if you please of taking a Pipe of Tobacco, And all this without any grumbling or repining.  
Secondly, For Sobriety, 'tis grown by the Ill Influences of I know not what Hydroptick Stars almost a general custom amongst us, That no Bargain can be driven, or business concluded between Man and Man, but it must be transacted at some Public House, This to Persons much concerned in the World must needs be very Injurious, should they always run to Taverns or Alehouses, where continual sippings, though never so warily would be apt to fly up into their Brains, and render them drowsy and indisposed for business; Whereas having now the opportunity of a Coffee-house, they repair thither, take each Man a dish or two (so far from causing that it cures any dizziness or disturbant Fumes) and so dispatching their business, go out more sprightly about their affairs then before; The like may be said of Morning's draughts which taken in Wine Ale or Beer, most times either destroy or very much mayhem the business of the whole day, whereas if people would be persuaded to play the Good-fellows in this wholesome wakeful Innocent drink, They would find it do no less good to their bodies, and much more promote and advance their business and Employments.  
Lastly, For diversion, 'tis older than Aristotle, and will be true when Hobbs is forgot, that Man is a sociable creature, and delights in Company, Now whether shall a person wearied with hard study or the laborious turmoils of a tedious day repair to refresh himself, or where can young Gentlemen or Shopkeepers more Innocently and advantageously spend an hour or two in the Evening then at a Coffee-house; where they shall be sure to meet Company, and by the custom of the house not such as at other places stingy and reserved to themselves, but free and communicative, where every Man may modestly begin his story, and propose to, or Answer another as he thinks fit; Discourse Is Pabulum Animi, eos Ingenij, The minds best Diet, and the great Whetstone and Incentive of Ingenuity, By that we come to know Men better than by their Physiognomy's, Loquére ut te videam speak that I may see thee, was the Philosophers Adage, To read Men Is acknowledged more useful than Books, but where is there a better Library for that study generally than Here, amongst such a variety of Humours all expressing themselves on divers subjects according to their respective Abilities?  
But our Pamphlet-monger (that sputters out senseless Characters faster than any Hocus can vomit Inkle) will needs take upon him to be dictator of all Society, and confine company to sit as mute in a Coffee-house As a Quaker at a silent meeting, or himself with a little Wench when behind the Hangings they are playing a Game at Whist, To this purpose he babbles mightily against Tattling, and makes a great deal of cold mirth with three or four stale Humours that you may find a thousand times better described in a hundred old Plays, yet to collect those excellent observables cost the poor Soul above half a years time in painful Pilgrimage from one Coffee-house to another, where planting himself in a dark corner with the dexterity of shorthand he recorded these choice Remarks, whilst all the Town took him for an Excise-man counting the number of dishes; the World is now obliged with the fruits of his Industry, which proves no more than that some giddy-headed Coxcombs like himself (whose S●●lls instead of Brains are stuffed with Sawdust) do sometimes intrude into Coffeehouses, A doctrine we are easily persuaded to believe, For if their doors had been kept shut against all Fops 'tis more than probable Himself had never known so much of their Humours, We confess In multiloquio non deest vanitas amongst so much Talk there may happen some to very little purpose, But as we doubt not but the Royal Proclamation has had the good success to prevent for the future any dangerous Intelligence saucy prying into Arcana Imperij or Irrevent reflections on Affairs of State, so for the little Innocent Extravagancies we hold them very divertising, Every Fool being a Fiddle to the Company, for how else should our Author have raised so much laughter through the Town? Besides how infinitely are the vain pratings of these ridiculous pragmatics over-balanced by the sage and solid Reasonings Here frequently to be heard of Experienced Gentlemen, Judicious Lawyers, able Physicians, Ingenious Merchants, and understanding Citizens, In the abstrusest points of Reason, Philosophy, Law and public Commerce?  
In brief 'tis undeniable That as you have here the most civil so 'tis generally the most Intelligent Society, The frequenting whose Converse, and observing their Discourses and Department cannot but civilize our manners, Enlarge our understandings, refine our Language, teach us a generous confidence and handsome Mode of Address; And brush off that Pudor Subrusticus (As I remember Tully somewhere calls it) That clownish kind of modesty, frequently incident to the best Natures, which renders them Sheepish and Ridiculous in company.  
So that upon the whole matter, spite of the idle Sarcasms and paltry reproaches thrown upon it, we may with no less truth than plainness give this brief Character of a well regulated Coffee-house (for our Pen disdains to be Advocate for any sordid holes that assume that Name to cloak the Practice of Debauchery) That it is  

The Sanctuary of Health.  
The Nursery of Temperance.  
The Delight of Frugality.  
An Academy of Civility▪ AND  
Free-School of Ingenuity.   
FINIS.