AMENDMENTS OF Mr. COLLIER ' s False and Imperfect CITATIONS, etc. From the 

OLD BACHELOR,  
DOUBLE DEALER,  
LOVE for LOVE,  
MOURNING BRIDE.    
By the Author of those Plays.  

Quem recitas meus est o Fidentine Libellus,  
Sed male dum recitas incipit esse tuus.   Mart. 
Graviter, & iniquo animo, maledicta tua paterer, si te scirem judicio magis, quam morbo animi, petulantia ista uti. Sed, quoniam in te neque modum, neque modestiam ullam animadverto, respondebo tibi: uti, si quam maledicendo voluptatem cepisti, eam male-audiendo amittas.  Sallust. Decl. 
LONDON, Printed for I. Tonson at the Iudge's-Head in Fleet street, near the Inner-Temple-Gate, 1698.   

ERRATA.  
Page 7. line 23. for worst read worse; p. 105. l. 13. read Pantomimes, p. 107. l. 3. r. Cynetha.   

AMENDMENTS OF Mr. COLLIER ' s False and Imperfect CITATIONS, etc.  
I Have been told by some, That they should think me very idle, if I threw away any time in taking notice even of so much of Mr. Collier's late Treatise of the Immorality, etc. of the English Stage, as related to myself, in respect of some Plays written by me: For that his malicious and strained Interpretations of my Words were so gross and palpable, that any indifferent and unprejudiced Reader would immediately condemn him upon his own Evidence, and acquit me before I could make my Defence.  
On the other hand, I have been taxed of Laziness, and too much Security in neglecting thus long to do myself a necessary Right, which might be effected with so very little Pains; since very little more is requisite in my Vindication, than to represent truly and at length, those Passages which Mr. Collier has shown imperfectly, and for the most part by halves. I would rather be thought Idle than Lazy; and so the last Advice prevailed with me.  
I have no Intention to examine all the Absurdities and Falsehoods in Mr. Collier's Book; to use the Gentleman's own Metaphor in his Preface, An Inventory of such a Warehouse would be a large Work. My Detection of his Malice and Ignorance, of his Sophistry and vast Assurance, will lie within a narrow Compass, and only bear a Proportion to so much of his Book as concerns myself.  
Lest of all, would I undertake to defend the Corruptions of the Stage; indeed if I were so inclined, Mr. Collier has given me no occasion; for the greater part of those Examples which he has produced, are only Demonstrations of his own Impurity, they only savour of his Utterance, and were sweet enough till tainted by his Breath.  
I will not justify any of my own Errors; I am sensible of many; and if Mr. Collier has by any Accident stumbled on one or two, I will freely give them up to him, Nullum unquam ingenium placuit sine venia. But I hope I have done nothing that can deprive me of the Benefit of my Clergy; and tho' Mr. Collier himself were the Ordinary, I may hope to be acquitted.  
My Intention therefore, is to do little else, but to restore those Passages to their primitive Station, which have suffered so much in being transplanted by him: I will remove 'em from his Dunghill, and replant 'em in the Field of Nature; and when I have washed 'em of that Filth which they have contracted in passing through his very dirty hands, let their own Innocence protect them.  
Mr. Collier, in the high Vigour of his Obscenity, first commits a Rape upon my Words, and then arraigns 'em of Immodesty; he has Barbarity enough to accuse the very Virgins that he has deflowered, and to make sure of their Condemnation, he has himself made 'em guilty: But he forgets that while he publishes their shame he divulges his own.  
His Artifice to make Words guilty of Profaneness, is of the same nature; for where the Expression is unblameable in its own clear and genuine Signification, he enters into it himself like the evil Spirit; he possesses the innocent Phrase, and makes it bellow forth his own Blasphemies; so that one 
Coll. p. 81.  would think the Muse was Legion.  
To reprimand him a little in his own Words, if these Passages produced 
p. 70, 71.  by Mr. Collier are obscene and profane, Why were they raked in and disturbed unless it were to conjure up Vice, and revive Impurities? Indeed Mr. Collier has a very untoward way with him; his Pen has such a Libertine Stroke, that 'tis a question whether the Practice or the Reproof be the more licentious.  
He teaches those Vices he would correct, and writes more like a Pimp than a P—. Since the business must be undertaken, why was not the Thought blanched, the Expression made remote, and the ill Features cast into Shadows? So far from this, which is his own Instruction in his own words, is Mr. Collier's way of Proceeding, that he has blackened the Thoughts with his own Smut; the Expression that was remote, he has brought nearer; and lest by being brought near its native Innocence might be more visible, he has frequently varied it, he has new-molded it, and stamped his own Image on it; so that it at length is become Current Deformity, and fit to be paid into the Devil's Exchequer.  
I will therefore take the Liberty to exorcise this evil Spirit, and whip him out of my Plays, wherever I can meet with him. Mr. Collier has reversed the Story which he relates from Tertullian; and after his Visitation of 
p. 257.  the Playhouse returns, having left the Devil behind him.  
If I do not return his Civilities in calling him Names, it is because I am not very well versed in his Nomenclatures; therefore for his Foot pads, which he calls us in his Preface, and for his Buffoons and Slaves in the Saturnalia, which he frequently bestows 
p. 81, 63, 175.  on us in the rest of his Book, I will only call him Mr. Collier, and that I will call him as often as I think he shall deserve it.  
Before I proceed, for methods sake, I must premise some few things to the Reader, which if he thinks in his Conscience are too much to be granted me, I desire he would proceed no further in his Perusal of these Animadversions, but return to Mr. Collier's Short View, etc.  
First, I desire that I may lay down Aristotle's Definition of Comedy; which has been the Compass by which all the Comic Poets, since his time, have steered their Course. I mean them whom Mr. Collier so very frequently calls Comedians; for the Distinction between Comicus and Comaedus, and Tragicus and Tragaedus is what he has not met with in the long Progress of his Reading.  
Comedy (says Aristotle) is an Imitation of the worst sort of People. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, imitatio pejorum. He does not mean the worse sort of People in respect to their Quality, but in respect to their Manners. This is plain, from his telling you immediately after, that he does not mean 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, relating to all kinds of Vice: there are Crimes too daring and too horrid for Comedy. But the Vices most frequent, and which are the common Practice of the loser sort of Livers, are the subject Matter of Comedy. He tells us farther, that they must be exposed after a ridiculous manner: For Men are to be laughed out of their Vices in Comedy; the Business of Comedy is to delight, as well as to instruct: And as vicious People are made ashamed of their Follies or Faults, by seeing them exposed in a ridiculous manner, so are good People at once both warned and diverted at their Expense.  
Thus much I thought necessary to premise, that by showing the Nature and End of Comedy, we may be prepared to expect Characters agreeable to it.  
Secondly, Since Comic Poets are obliged by the Laws of Comedy, and to the intent that Comedy may answer its true end and purpose abovementioned, to represent vicious and foolish Characters: In Consideration of this, I desire that it may not be imputed to the Persuasion or private Sentiments of the Author, if at any time one of these vicious Characters in any of his Plays shall behave himself foolishly, or immorally in Word or Deed. I hope I am not yet unreasonable; it were very hard that a Painter should be believed to resemble all the ugly Faces that he draws.  
Thirdly, I must desire the impartial Reader, not to consider any Expression or Passage cited from any Play, as it appears in Mr. Collier's Book; nor to pass any Sentence or Censure upon it, out of its proper Scene, or alienated from the Character by which it is spoken; for in that place alone, and in his Mouth alone, can it have its proper and true Signification.  
I cannot think it reasonable, because Mr. Collier is pleased to write one Chapter of Immodesty, and another of Profaneness, that therefore every Expression traduced by him under those Heads, shall be condemned as obscene and profane immediately, and without any further Enquiry. Perhaps Mr. Collier is acquainted with the deceptio visus, and presents Objects to the View through a stained Glass; things may appear seemingly profane, when in reality they are only seen through a profane Medium, and the true Colour is dissembled by the help of a Sophistical Varnish: Therefore, I demand the Privilege of the habeas Corpus Act, that the Prisoners may have Liberty to remove, and to appear before a just Judge in an open and an uncounterfeit light.  
Fourthly, Because Mr. Collier in his Chapter of the Profaneness of the Stage, has founded great part of his Accusation upon the Liberty which Poets take of using some Words in their Plays, which have been sometimes employed by the Translators of the Holy Scriptures: I desire that the following Distinction may be admitted, viz. That when Words are applied to sacred things, and with a purpose to treat of sacred things; they ought to be understood accordingly: But when they are otherwise applied, the Diversity of the Subject gives a Diversity of Signification. And in truth, he might as well except against the common use of the Alphabet in Poetry, because the same Letters are necessary to the spelling of Words which are mentioned in sacred Writ.  
Tho' I have thought it requisite, and but reasonable to premise these few things, to which, as to so many postulata, I may when occasion offers, refer myself; yet if the Reader should have any Objection to the Latitude which at first sight they may seem to comprehend, I dare venture to assure him that it shall be removed by the Caution which I shall use, and those Limits by which I shall restrain myself, when I shall judge it proper for me to refer to them.  
It may not be impertinent in this place, to remind the Reader of a very common Expedient, which is made use of to recommend the Instruction of our Plays; which is this. After the Action of the Play is over, and the Delight of the Representation at an end; there is generally Care taken, that the Moral of the whole shall be summed up, and delivered to the Audience, in the very last and concluding Lines of the Poem. The Intention of this is, that the Delight of the Representation may not so strongly possess the Minds of the Audience, as to make them forget or oversee the Instruction: It is the last thing said, that it may make the last Impression; and it is always comprehended in a few Lines, and put into Rhyme, that it may be easy and engaging to the Memory.  
Mr. Collier divides his Charge against the Stage into these four heads, Immodesty, Profaneness, Abuse of the Clergy, and Encouragement of Immorality.  
I have yet written but four poor Plays; and this Author, out of his very particular Favour to me, has found the means to accuse 'em every one of one or more of these four Crimes. I will examine each in its turn, by his Citations; and begin with the Plays in the order that they were written.  
In his Chapter of the Immodesty of the Stage, he has not made any Quotation from my Comedies: But in general, finds fault with the lightness of some Characters. He mentions slightly, and I think without 
p. 10, 12.  any Accusation, Belinda in the Old Bachelor, and Miss Prue in Love for Love. Miss Prue, he says, is represented silly to screen her Impudence, which amounts to this Confession, that Women when they have their Understandings about them, aught to Converse 
p. 11.  otherwise. I grant it; this is in truth the Moral of the Character. If Mr. Collier would examine still at this rate, we should agree very well. Belinda he produces as a Character under Disorders of Liberty; this last 
p. 12.  is what I do not understand, and therefore desire to be excused, if I can make no Answer to it. I only refer those two Characters to the Judgement of any impartial Reader, to determine whether they are represented so as to engage any Spectator to imitate the Impudence of one, or the Affectation of the other; and whether they are not both ridiculed rather than recommended.  
But he proceeds, the Double-dealer 
p. 12.  is particularly remarkable. There are but four Ladies in this Play, and three of the biggest of them are Whores. These are very big Words; very much too big for the Sense, for to say three of the biggest, when there are but four in Number, is stark Nonsense: Whatever the Matter may be in this Gentleman's Book, I perceive his Style at least is admirable.  
Well, suppose he had said— and the three Biggest, etc. for I am sure he cannot part with biggest, he has occasion to use it so often in the rest of his Book. But mark, he gives us an instance of his big good Breeding. A great Compliment to Quality, to tell them, there is not above a quarter of them honest! This Computation I suppose he makes by the help of political Arithmetic. As thus; the Stage is the Image of the World; by the Men and Women represented there, are signified all the Men and Women in the World; so that if four Women are shown upon the Stage, and three of them are vicious, it is as much as to say, that three parts in four of the whole Sex are stark naught. He who dares be so hardy as to gainsay this Argument, let him do it; for my part, I love to meddle with my Match. It was a mercy that all the four Women were not naught; for that had been maintaining that there was not one Woman of Quality honest. What has Virgil to answer for at this rate, in his Aeneis? Where, for two of the Fair Sex that do good, viz. Venus and the Sibyl, (for Cybelle and Andromache are but Wellwishers) he has the following Catalogue, who are always engaged in Mischief, viz. juno, juturna, Dido, her Sister, her Nurse, an old Witch, Allecto the Fury, all the Harpies; to these you are reminded of Helen the First Incendiary, Sylvia is produced as a Second, next Camilla, than Amata, who despised the Decrees of the Gods; nay, poor Creusa and Lavinia are made subservient to unfortunate Events. This is Bossus' 
Traite du poem. Epique L. 4. Cap. 2.  Remark, and he says that Virgil in the Characters of the Sex, has closely observed the Rule of Aristotle, who in his Treatise of Poetry has ventured to affirm, That there are more bad than good Women in the World; and that they do more harm than good.  
In an Epic Poem Ladies of Quality may be used as Aristotle pleases; but Comedy was meant to compliment, and tickle, and flatter, and all that.  
Here I take the first Liberty to refer the Reader to my first Proposition. Mr. Collier, who talks with great Intimacy of Ancient and Modern Critics, 
Vid. Coll. p. 175.  and amongst others, makes familiar mention of Rapine, has unluckily overseen a particular Remark that is made by that learned Critic, on the Improvement of Modern Comedy by Moliere, in his raising his riculous Characters. If he does not know where to find it, I can help him to it.  
Les anciens Poetes Comiques n'ont que 
Rap. Reflex. sur la Poet. 26.  des Valets pour les plaisans de leur Theatre, et les plaisans du Theatre de Moliere, sont les Marquis et les gens de quality, les autres n'ont joüé dans la Comedy, que la vie bourgeoise et commun, et Moliere a joüé tout Paris et la Cour.  
Well, this may be the French, and it may be the English Breeding; but Mr. Collier assures us— This was not the Roman Breeding. They used to 
p. 12.  compliment Vice in Quality, the gentle Persius gives us an Instance of it.  
Vos o Patricius sanguis, quos vivere fas est  
Occipiti caeco, posticae occurrite sannae.  Sat. 1. 
But Persius was a Man of Quality, and perhaps might be a little familiar with his Equals. As for juvenal, he kept his distance, and made it as plain as the Sun.  
Namque ibi fortunae veniam damus. Alea turpis,  
Turpe & adulterium mediocribus: haec eadem illi  
Omnia cum faciant, Hilares nitidique vocantur.  Sat. 11. 
I am finely employed, to furnish my Adversary with two such Authorities against myself: But reflecting that Mr. Collier has no great Esteem for juvenal, who he says, writes more like a Pimp than a Poet. 'Tis likely that he 
p. 71.  will return me his Authority, to make the best Use that I can of it for myself; therefore I will take the Liberty to state a short Question.  
juvenal by the help of an Irony, has in these three Lines, lashed the Vices of great Persons with more Severity, than he could have done by the means of a direct and point-blank Invective, Mr. Collier is in plain terms, for having 
p. 12, 173, 175.  Compliments passed on Persons of Quality, and neither will allow their Follies nor their Vices to be exposed. Now the Question that I would ask, is only, which agrees best with the Character of a Pimp, the Satire of juvenal, or the Complaisance of Mr. Collier? In the Conclusion of his Preface he is quite of another Opinion; there he confesses he has no Ceremony for Debauchery, for to compliment Vice, is but one remove from worshipping the Devil; now that Mr. Collier compliments Vice is plain. Ergo, etc.  
This is his own Confession, and so I leave him to lick himself whole with one of his own Absolutions.  
When Vice shall be allowed as an Indication of Quality and good Breeding, than it may also pass for a piece of good Breeding to compliment Vice in Quality: But till then, I humbly conceive, that to expose and ridicule it, will altogether do as well.  
The Double dealer (he says) runs 
p. 27.  riot upon some occasion or other, and giveth Lord Touchwood a Mixture of Smut and Pedantry to conclude with: For Proof of this, he directs the Reader in his Margin to the 79th Page, which is the last of the Play. He has made no Quotation, therefore I will do it for him, and transcribe what Lord Touchwood says in that place, being the concluding Lines and Moral of the whole Comedy. Mellefont and Cynthia are to be married, the Villainies of Maskwell having been detected; Lord Touchwood gives 'em Joy, and then concludes the Play as follows.  
Lord Touch.— be each others Comfort;— let me join your hands.— unwearied nights, and wishing Days attend you both; mutual Love, lasting Health, and circling joys tread round each happy Year of your long lives.  

Let secret Villainy from hence be warned;  
However in private, mischiefs are conceived,  
Torture and Shame attend their open Birth:   

Like Vipers in the Womb base treachery lies,  
Still gnawing that whence first it did arise;  
No sooner born but the vile parent dies.   
This in Mr. Collier's polite Phrase, is running riot upon Smut and Pedantry. I hope this is some reason for my having laid down my third Proposition; where the Reader is desired not to rely upon Mr. Collier's bare word, but to consult the Original, before he passes his Censure on the Author.  
Before he finishes his Chapter of Immodesty, he taxes the Mourning-Bride with Smut and Profaneness; if he can prove it, I must of necessity give up the Cause. If there be Immodesty in that Tragedy, I must confess myself incapable of ever writing any thing with Modesty or Decency.  
Had Osmin (says he) parted with Almeria civilly, it had been much better, that rant of Smut and Profaneness might have been spared. What he means by 
p. 32, 33, 34.  civilly I know not, unless he means dully and insensibly; neither Civility nor Incivility have any thing to do with Passion; where a Scene is wrought to an Excess of Tenderness and Grief, there is no room for either Rudeness or Complaisance. Mr. Collier is pleased to condemn the parting of Osmin and Almeria, by comparing it with the meeting of Menelaus and Helen; but I must take the Liberty to tell him, that meeting and parting are two things, and especially between two Lovers. Now for the rant of Smut and Profaneness.  Osm. 
O my Almeria.  
What do the damned endure but to despair,  
But knowing Heaven to know it lost for ever.  
I will not here so much as refer myself to my third Proposition, nor desire the Reader to trouble himself so far, as to look on these Lines in their proper Scene and Place, tho' most of the foregoing Incidents in the Poem were contrived so as to prepare the Violence of this Scene; and all the foregoing part of this Scene was laid as a Gradation of Passion, to prepare the violence of these Expressions, the last and most extreme of the whole, in Osmin's Part.  
For once I will let these Lines remain as they are set by Mr. Collier, with his own filthy Foil beneath, hemmed in and sullied over with his own Smut. And still what is there either of Profaneness or Immodesty in the Expression? Is not the Reflection rather moral and religious than otherwise? Does not the Allusion set forth the terrors of Damnation? I dare affirm that Mr. Collier himself, cannot so transpose those words as to make 'em signify any thing either smutty or profane: What he may be able to do with the Letters if they were disjointed, I know not; I will not dispute his Skill in Anagram; and if the truth were known, I believe there lies the Stress of his Proof. Well, Mr. Saygrace, in the Double-dealer, is beholding to him for his new Amusement, for the future he shall renounce Acrostics and pursue Anagrams.  
As to what he says after, that these Verses are a similitude drawn from the Creed; I no more understand it, than he himself would believe it, tho' he should affirm it.  
In the rest of his Remarks upon this Scene, his Zeal gives way to his Criticism; he had but an ill hold of Profaneness, and was reduced to catch at the Poetry. The corruption of a rotten Divine is the Generation of a sour Critic.  
He is very merry, and as he supposes with me; in laughing at wasting Air. Wasting he thinks is a senseless Epithet for Air, truly I think so too. I will not lose this occasion of consenting with him, because he will not afford me many more: But where does he meet with wasting Air? not in the Mourning-bride; for in that Play it is printed wafting Air, so that all his awkard Raillery about this word, reflects alone upon himself: To say nothing of his Honesty in making a false Quotation, or of his becoming assurance in charging me with his own Nonsense.  
He proceeds in his unlucky and satirical Strain, and ridicules half a dozen Epithets, and about as many Figures, which follow in the same Scene, with much Delicacy of fine Raillery, Excellence of good Manners, and Elegancy of Expression.  
Almeria, in the Play, oppressed and sinking beneath her Grief, adapts her words to her Posture, and says to Osmin—  
— O let us not support,  
But sink each other lower yet, down, down,  
Where levelled low, etc.  
One would think (says Mr. Collier) she was learning a Spaniel to set.  
Learning a Spaniel to set! Delectus verborum est Origo eloquentiae, is an Aphorism of julius Caesar, and Mr. Collier makes it plain. This poor Man does not so much as understand even his own Dog-language, when he says learning, I suppose he means teaching a Spaniel to set, a dainty Critic, indeed!  
A little before, Almeria is cold, faint and trembling in her Agony, and says,  — I chatter, shake and faint with thrilling fears. 
By the way (says Mr. Collier, for now he is Mr. Collier emphatically) 'tis a mighty wonder to hear a Woman chatter! but there is no jesting, etc.  
Jesting quoth! What, does he take the letting a Pun to be the breaking of a Jest? a Whip and a Bell, and away with him to Kennel again immediately.  
Ay, now he's in his Element, as you shall hear.  
This litter of Epithets makes the Poem look like a Bitch over-stocked with Puppies, and sucks the Sense almost to skin and bone. The Comparison is handsome, I must needs say; but I desire the Reader to consider that it is Mr. Collier the Critic, that talks at this odd rate; not Mr. Collier the Divine: I would not, by any means, that he should mistake one for the other.  
If it is necessary for me to give any reason in this place, why I have used Epithets and Figures in this Scene, I will do it in few words. First I desire the Reader to remove my Verses from amongst Mr. Collier's Interlineations of sad Drollery; and reinstate 'em in the Scene of the Play from whence they were torn. If there is found Passion in those parts of the Scene where those Epithets and Figures are used, they will stand in need of no Vindication; for every body knows that Discourses of men in Passion, naturally abound in Epithets and Figures, in Agravations and Hyperboles. To this I add, That the Diction of Poetry consists of Figures; by the frequent use of bold and daring Figures, it is distinguished from Prose and Oratory. Epithets are beautiful in Poetry, but make Prose languishing and cold; and the frequent 
Arist. Rhet. L. 3. C. 3.  use of them in Prose, makes it pretend too much and approach too near to Poetry. If Figures and Epithets are natural to Passion, and if they compose the Diction of Poetry, certainly Tragedy, which is of the sublime and first-rate Poetry, and which ought every where to abound in Passion, may very well be allowed to use Epithets and Figures, more especially in a Scene consisting entirely of Passion, and still more particularly in the most violent part of that Scene. Thus much, to justify the use and frequency of Epithets and Figures in the Scene abovementioned. Ay, but Mr. Collier says some of the Figures there are Stiff: He says so, I confess; but what then? Why in answer, I say they are not, and so leave it to be determined by better Judges.  
Having shown that men in Passion, naturally make use of violent Figures and Epithets; I will produce no less a Man than Mr. Collier himself for an Example: If you would behold the Gentleman beginning to swell, see him in Page 80. there he puffs and blows, and deals mightily in short periods: At first he is scarce able to Breath, but at length he Opens; and anon finds vent for a very odd Expression. He is angry with some Play or other, and says— Nature made the ferment and rising of the Blood, for such occasions. I hope he speaks Figuratively, or else I am sure he speaks at least Profanely; for we know who is meant by Nature in the Language of Christianity, and 
v. p. 72.  especially under the Notion of a Maker.  
He discovers in this Expression, that his Religion and his Natural Philosophy are both of a size. He has declared the very Source of Living, and the Spring of Motion in the Mechanical Part of Man, to be no more than the Fountainhead of Follies and Passions; and intimates very strongly, That Nature made it only for that purpose.  
But I think nothing that he says, should be considered seriously; therefore I will proceed, and produce Mr. Collier as he stands advanced both in ferment and figure. In (p. 84.) he has drawn Quotations from Comedies, that look Reeking as it were from Pandemonium, and almost smell of Fire and Brimstone; Eruptions of Hell with a witness! He almost wonders the Smoke of them has not darkened the Sun, and turned the Air to Plague and Poison. Provocations enough to Arm all Nature in Revenge; to exhaust the judgements of Heaven, etc. He goes on with such terrible Stuff for a considerable while together. I give this only as a Sample of some of this Gentleman's Figures.  
Methinks I hear him pronounce 'em every time I behold 'em, they are almost Noisy and Turbulent, even in the Print. In short, they are Contagious; and I find he that will speak of them, is in great danger to speak like them. But why does Mr. Collier use all this Vehemence in a Written Argument? If he were to Preach, I grant it might be necessary for him to make a Noise, that he might be sure to be heard: But why all this Passion upon Paper? Judgement is never Outrageous; and Christianity is ever Meek and Mild.  
I have read it somewhere as the Remark of St. Chrysostom, That the Prophets of God were as much distinguished from the Prophets of the Devil by their Behaviour, as by the Divine Truths which they uttered. The former gave Oracles with all Mildness and Temper; the other were ever Bellowing with Fury and Madness; no wonder (says he) for the first were inspired with the Holy Ghost; and the last were possessed with the Devil. So the reason is plain.  
But I have employed too much time in digressing from my purpose, which is chiefly to Vindicate myself; and only from Casual Observation, to take Notice of Mr. Collier's Errors, as they shall appear Blazing up and down in those Pages where I am concerned, or others into which I may dip accidentally, in searching for Expressions cited from my own Plays.  
I have done with him in his Chapter of Immodesty. The Reader has seen his Charge against the Mourning Bride, and is a Judge of the Justness and Strength of it. I confess I have not much to say in Commendation of any thing that I have Written: But if a fair-dealing-man, or a candid Critic had examined that Tragedy, I fancy that neither the general Moral contained in the two last Lines; nor the several particular Morals interwoven with the success of every principal Character, would have been overseen by him.  
The Reward of Matrimonial Constancy in Almeria, of the same Virtue, together with filial Piety and Love to his Country in Osmin; the Punishment of Tyranny in Manuel, of Ambition in Gonzalez, of violent Passions, and unlawful Love in Zara: These it may be were Parts of the Poem as worthy to be observed, as one or two erroneous Expressions; and admit they were such, might in some measure have atoned for them.  
Mr. Collier in his second Chapter, Charges the Stage with Profaneness. Almost all the Quotations which he has made from my Plays in this Chapter are represented falsely, or by halves; so that I have very little to do in their Vindication, but to represent 'em as they are in the Original, fairly and at length; and to fill up the Blanks which this worthy honest Gentleman has left.  
In the Old Bachelor (says he) Vainlove asks Bellmour, Could you be content 
Coll. P. 62.  to go to Heaven?  
Bell. Hum, not immediately, in my Conscience not Heartily—  
Here Mr. Collier concludes this Quotation with a dash, as if both the Sense and the Words of the whole Sentence, were at an end. But the remainder of it in the Play Act. 3. Scene 2. is in these words— I would do a little more good in my generation first, in order to deserve it.  
I think the meaning of the whole is very different from the meaning of the first half of this Expression. 'Tis one thing for a Man to say positively, he will not go to Heaven; and another to say, that he does not think himself worthy, till he is better prepared. But Mr. Collier undoubtedly was in the right, to take just as much as would serve his own turn. The Style of this Expression is Light, and suitable to Comedy, and the Character of a wild Debauchee of the Town; but there is a Moral meaning contained in it, when it is not represented by halves.  
From Scene 3. of the 4th Act of the same Comedy, he makes the following Quotation. Fondlewife a Jealous Puritan is obliged for some time to be absent from his Wife:  
Fond. Have you throughly considered how detestable, how heinous, and how Crying a Sin the sin of Adultery is? Have you weighed it, I say? for it is a very weighty sin: and although it may lie— yet thy Husband must also bear his part; for thy juiquity will fall upon his Head. Here is another Dash in this Quotation, I refer the Reader to the Play to see what words Mr. Collier has Omitted; and from thence he may guests at the Strength of his Imagination.  
For this Quotation, the Reader sees it in the same Condition that Mr. Collier thinks fit to show it: His Notes upon it are as follow.  This fit of Buffonery and Profaneness, was to settle the Conscience of Young Beginners, and to make the Terrors of Religion insignificant. 
Indeed I cannot hold Laughing, when I compare his dreadful Comment with such poor silly words as are in the Text: especially when I reflect how young a beginner, and how very much a Boy I was when that Comedy was Written; which several know was some years before it was Acted: When I wrote it I had little thoughts of the Stage; but did it to amuse myself in a slow Recovery from a Fit of Sickness. Afterwards through my Indiscretion it was seen; and in some little time more it was Acted: And I through the remainder of my Indiscretion, suffered myself to be drawn in, to the prosecution of a difficult and thankless Study; and to be involved in a perpetual War with Knaves and Fools. Which reflection makes me return to the Subject in hand.  
Bellmour desires Laetitia to give him leave to Swear by her Eyes and her Lips. Well, I am very glad Mr. Collier has so much Devotion for the Lips and Eyes of a Pretty Woman, that he thinks it Profanation to Swear by 'em. I'll give him up this, if he pleases. To the next.  He kisses the Strumpet, and tells her— Eternity was in that Moment. 
To say Eternity is in a Moment, is neither Profane nor Sacred, nor good nor bad. With Reverence of my Friend the Author be it spoken, I take it to be stark Nonsense; and I had not cared if Mr. Collier had discovered it.  
Something or other he saw amiss in it, and Writing a Chapter of Profaneness at that time, like little Bays, he popped it down for his own.  
Laetitia when her Intrigue was like to be discovered, says of her Lover,  All my Comfort lies in his Impudence, and Heaven be praised, he has a considerable Portion. 
This Mr. Collier calls the Playhouse Grace. It is the expression of a wanton and a vicious Character, in the Distress and Confusion of her Gild. She is discovered in her Lewdness, and suffered to come no more upon the Stage.  
In the end of the last Act Sharper says to Vainlove:  
I have been a kind of Godfather to you yonder:  
I have promised and vowed some things in your name, which I think you are bound to perform.  
I meant no ill by this Allegory, nor do I perceive any in it now. Mr. Collier says it was meant for Drollery on the Catechism; but he has a way of discovering Drollery where it never was intended; and of intending Drollery where it can never be discovered. So much for the Old Bachelor.  
In the Double-Dealer (he says) Lady Pliant cries out jesus, and talks Smut in the same Sentence. That Exclamation I give him up freely. I had myself long since condemned it, and resolved to strike it out in the next Impression. I will not urge the folly, viciousness, or affectation of the Character to excuse it. Here I think myself obliged to make my Acknowledgements for a Letter which I received after the Publication of this Play, relating to this very Passage. It came from an Old Gentlewoman and a Widow, as she said, and very well to pass: It contained very good Advice, and required an Answer, but the Direction for the Superscription was forgot. If the good Gentlewoman is yet in being, I desire her to receive my Thanks for her good Counsel, and for her Approbation of all the Comedy, that Word alone excepted.  
That Lady Pliant talks Smut in the same Sentence, lies yet upon Mr. Collier to prove. His bare Assertion without an Instance, is not sufficient. If he can prove that there is downright Smut in it, why even let him take it for his pains: I am willing to part with it.  
His next Objection is, that Sir Paul, who he observes bears the Character of a Fool, makes mention too often of the word Providence; for says Mr. Collier, 
p. 62▪  the meaning must be (by the way, that must is a little hard upon me) that Providence is a ridiculous Supposition; and that none but Blockheads pretend to Religion. What will it avail me in this place to signify my own meaning, when this modest Gentleman says, I must mean quite contrary?  
Lady Froth is pleased to call Jehu a Hackney Coachman. (Ibid.)  
Lady Froth's words are as follow— Our jehu was a Hackney Coachman when my Lord took him. Which is as much as to say, that the Coachman's Name is jehu: And why might it not be jehu as well as jeremy, or Abraham, or joseph, or any other Jewish or Christian Name? Brisk desires that this may be put into a Marginal Note in Lady Froth's Poem.  
This Mr. Collier says, is meant to burlesque the Text, and Comment under one. What Text, or what Comment, or what other earthly Thing he can mean, I cannot possibly imagine. These Remarks are very Wise; therefore I shall not Fool away any time about them.  
Sir Paul tells his Wife, he finds Passion coming upon him by Inspiration. 
P. 64.   
The poor Man is troubled with the Flatus, his Spleen is puffed up with Wind; and he is likely to grow very angry and peevish on the sudden; and desires the privilege to Scold and give it Vent. The word Inspiration when it has Divine prefixed to it, bears a particular and known signification: But otherwise, to inspire is no more than to Breath into; and a Man without profaneness may truly say, that a Trumpet, a Fife, or a Flute, deliver a Musical Sound, by the help of Inspiration. I refer the Reader to my fourth Proposition, in this Case. For a Dispute about this word, would be very like the Controversy in Ben. Johnson's Barthol. Fair, between the Rabbi and the Puppet; it is profane, and it is not profane, is all the Argument the thing will admit of on either side.  The Double-dealer is not yet exhausted. ib. 
That is, Mr. Collier is not yet exhausted; for to give double Interpretations to single Expressions, with a design only to lay hold of the worst, is double dealing in a great degree.  
Cynthia the top Lady grows thoughtful. Cynthia it seems is the Top Lady now; not long since, the other Three were the three biggest. Perhaps the Gentleman 
P. 12.  speaks as to personal proportion, Cynthia is the Tallest, and the other Three are the Fattest of the Four.  
Well. Cynthia is thoughtful, and upon the question relates her Contemplation.  Cyn. 
I am thinking, that though Marriage makes Man and Wife one Flesh, it leaves them two Fools.  
Here he has filched out a little word so slily, 'tis hardly to be missed; and yet without it, the words bear a very different signification. The Sentence in the Play is Printed thus— Though Marriage makes Man and Wife one Flesh, it leaves 'em STILL two Fools. Which by means of that little word still, signifies no more, than that if two People were Fools, before or when they were married, they would continue in all probability to be Fools still, and after they were married. Ben. johnson is much bolder in the first Scene of his Bartholomew Fair. There he makes Littlewit say to his Wife— Man and Wife make one Fool; and yet I don't think he designed even that, for a Jest either upon Genesis 2. or St. Matthew 19 I have said nothing comparable to that, and yet Mr. Collier in his penetration has thought fit to accuse me of nothing less.  
Thus I have summed up his Evidence against the Double-dealer. I have not thought it worth while to Cross-examine his Witnesses very much, because they are generally silly enough to detect themselves.  
In Love for Love, Scandal tells Mrs. Foresight, he will die a Martyr 
P. 74.  rather than disclaim his Passion. The word Martyr is here used Metaphorically to imply Perseverance. Martyr is a Greek word, and signifies in plain English, no more than a Witness. A holy Martyr, or a Martyr for Religion is one thing; a wicked Martyr, or Martyr for the Devil is another: A Man may be a Martyr that is a Witness to Folly, to Error, or Impiety. Mr. Collier is a Martyr to Scandal and Falshood quite through his Book. This Expression he says, is dignifying Adultery with the Style of Martyrdom; as if any word could dignify Vice. These are very trifling Cavils, and I think all of this kind may reasonably be referred to my Fourth Proposition.  jeremy who was bred at the University, calls the natural Inclinations to Eating and Drinking, Whoreson Appetites. 
Ibid.  
jeremy bred at the University! Who told him so? What jeremy does he mean, jeremy Collier, or jeremy Fetch? The last does not any where pretend to have been bred there. And if the tother would but keep his own Counsel, and not Print M. A. on the Title Page of his Book, he would be no more suspected of such an Education than his Namesake. jeremy in the Play, banters the Coxcomb Tattle, and tells him he has been at Cambridge: Whereupon Tattle replies—  'Tis well enough for a Servant to be bred at an University. 
Which is said to expose the impudence of illiterate Fops, who speak with Contempt of Learning and Universities. For the word Whoreson, I had it from Shakespeare and johnson, who have it very often in their Low Comedies; and sometimes their Characters of some Rank use it. I have put it into the Mouth of a Footman. 'Tis not worth speaking of. But Mr. Collier makes a terrible thing of it, and compares it to the Language of Manicheans, who made the Creation to be the Work of the Devil. After which he civilly solves all by saying, the Poet was Jeremy's Tutor, and so the Mystery is at an end. This by a Periphrasis is calling me Manichean; well let him call me what he pleases, he cannot call me jeremy Collier.  
His next Quotation is of one line taken out of the middle of eight more in a Speech of Sir Samson in the second Act of this Comedy: he represents it as an Aphorism by itself, and without any regard to what either precedes or follows it. I desire to be excused from transcribing the whole Scene or Speech. I refer to my third Proposition, and desire the Reader to view it in its place. Mr. Collier's Citaon is— Nature has been provident only to Bears and Spiders. I beg the Reader to peruse that Scene, and than to look into the 139 Psalms, because Mr. Collier says it is paraphrased by me in this Place. I wonder how such remote Wickedness can enter into a Man's Head. I dare affirm the Scene has no more resemblance of the Psalm, than Mr. Collier has of the Character of a Christian Priest, which he gives us in page 127, 128. of his own Book. Towards the end of the third Act, Scandal has occasion to flatter Old Foresight. He talks to him, and humours him in the Cant of his own Character, recites Quotations in favour of Astrology, and tells him the wisest Men have been beholding to that Science— 
P. 75.   
Solomon (says he) was Wise, but how? By his judgement in Astrology. So says Pineda in his third Book and eight Chap. But the Quotation of the Authority is omitted by Mr. Collier, either because he would represent it as my own Observation to ridicule the Wisdom of Solomon, or else because he was indeed Ignorant that it belonged to any Body else.  
The Words which gave me the Hint are as above cited.  Pin. de rebus Salom. 
— Illum judiciariam Astrologiam calluisse circa naturalia, circa inclinationes hominum, etc.  
Does Mr. Collier believe in Prognostications from Judicial Astrology? Does he think that Solomon had his Wisdom only from thence? If he does not, why will he not permit the Superstitions growing from that Science to be exposed? Why will he not understand that the exposing them in this Place and Manner, does not ridicule the Wisdom of Solomon, but the Folly of Foresight?  
Scandal he says, continueth his Banter, and says, The Wise Men of the East owed their Instruction to a Star, which is rightly observed by Gregory the Great, in favour of Astrology.  
Scandal indeed Banters Foresight, but he does not banter the Audience, in mentioning Gregory the Great: Take his own Words.  Deus accommodate ad eorum scientiam docuit, ut qui in Stellarum Observatione versabantur ex stellis Christum discerent. 
The rest of the Banter is what Scandal relates from Albertus Magnus, who makes it the most valuable Science, because it teaches us to consider the Causation of Causes in the Causes of things.  
I am but a bare Translator in this place; for example:  — Nos habemus unam scientiam mathematicam, 
Albert. Mag. Tom. 5. p. 659.  quae docet nos in rerum causis Causationem causarum Considerare. 
Is not all this stuff, and fit to be exposed; yet these and some other like Sayings, have I sometimes met with as Authorities in Vindication of Judicial Astrology.  
In Page 76. Mr. Collier is very angry that Sir Samson has not another Name; because Samson is a Name in the Old Testament.  
He says it is Burlesquing the Sacred History, for Sir Samson to boast of his Strength; because Samson in the Testament is said to be very strong. The rest that he quarrels at is a metaphorical expression or two, of less Consideration if possible, than any of his former Cavils.  
I refer the Reader to the Scene, which is the last in the Play: And for an Answer, to what has before been said on the word Martyr. When I read in this page these words of Mr. Collier— to draw towards an end of this Play, I thought he had no more to say to it; but his method is so admirable, that he never knows where to begin, nor when to make an end. Five or six pages farther I find another of his Remarks. 
Coll. p. 83.   
In Love for Love, Valentine says, I am Truth.  
If the Reader pleases to consult the Fourth Act of that Comedy, he will there find a Scene, wherein Valentine counterfeits madness.  
One reason of his Counterfeiting in that manner, is, that it conduces somewhat to the design and end of the Play. Another reason is, that it makes a Variation of the Character; and has the same effect in the Dialogue of the Play, as if a new Character were introduced. A third use of this pretended madness is, that it gives a Liberty to Satire; and authorises a Bluntness, which would otherwise have been a Breach in the Manners of the Character. Madmen have generally some one Expression which they use more frequently than any other. Valentine to prepare his Satire, fixes on one which may give us to understand, that he will speak nothing but Truth; and so before and after most of his Observations says— I am Truth. For example. Foresight asks him  
— What will be done at Court?  Val. 
Scandal will tell you— I am Truth, I never come there.  
I had at first made him say, I am Tom-tell-troth; but the sound and meanness of the Expression displeased me: and I altered it for one shorter, that might signify the same thing. What a Charitable and Christianlike Construction my dear Friend Mr. Collier has given to this Expression, is fit only to be seen in his own Book; and thither I refer the Reader: I will only repeat his Remark as it personally aims at me— Now a Poet that had not been smitten with the pleasure of Blasphemy, would not have furnished Frenzy with Inspiration, etc. Now I say, a Priest who was not himself furnished with Frenzy instead of Inspiration, would never have mistaken one for the other.  
In his next Chapter he Charges the Stage with the Abuse of the Clergy. He quotes me so little in this Chapter, and has so little reason even for that little, that it is hardly worth examining.  
The Old Bachelor has a Throw 
p. 101.  (as he calls is) at the dissenting Ministers.  
Now this Throw, in his own Words, amounts to no more than that a Pimp provides the Habit of a dissenting Minister, as the safest Disguise to co conceal a Whoremaster: Which is rather a Compliment than an Affront to the Habit.  
Barnaby calls another of that Character Mr. Prig. Calls him Mr. Prig? Why what if his Name were Mr. Prig? Or what if it were not? This is furiously simple! Fondlewife to hook in the Church of England into the Abuse, tacks a Chaplain to the End of the Description.  
How this pretty little Reasoner has (as he calls it) hooked in the Church of England? Can't a Man be a Chaplain unless he is of the Church of England?  
Father Dominick the 2d. he's for bringing in Heaven and the Church by hook or crook into his Quarrel. If a Mufti had been tacked to the Description, he would have been equally offended; for Mufti in the Language of the Theatre, he says, signifies Bishop. 
P. 103.   
Maskwell in the Double Dealer, has 
P. 102.  a Plot, and is for engaging Saygrace in it. He is for instructing the Levite, and says, without one of them have a Finger in't, no Plot, public or private, can expect to prosper.  
Perhaps that is a Mistake; many damnable Plots have miscarried, wherein Priests have been concerned.  
After this, he has transcribed a broken Piece of a Dialogue between Maskwell and Saygrace, which I leave to shift for itself; having nothing in it worth an Accusation, or needing a Defence.  
Mr. Collier is very florid in this Chapter; but it is very hard to know what he would be at. He seems to be be apprehensive of being brought upon the Stage, and in some Places endeavours to prove, that as he is a Priest, he should be exempted from the Correction 
P. 124, 127.  of the Drama.  
In other Places he does not seem to be averse to treading the Stage; but he would do it in Buskins: He would be all Gold, Purple, Scarlet, and Embroidery; and as rich as Nature, Art, and Rhetoric, can make him. 
p. 118.   
We will first inquire whether he may be brought on the Stage or not; and then show both how he would, and how he should be represented; granting the Representation of his Character to be lawful.  
Here he lays down something with 
p. 127.  the appearing face of an Argument, under 3. Heads, to show that the Clergy have a Right to Regard and fair Usage. I'm sure I will never dispute that with him in the general Terms. But I suppose he is particular here; and means that they have a Right to be exempted from the Theatre. Whether they have or not I will not pretend to determine; This I know, that the Custom of the Theatre in all Ages and Countries is against this Opinion; which in this Chapter is sufficiently proved by the Examples which himself has produced.  
If Mr. Collier is in earnest of that Opinion, he has behaved himself either very treacherously or very weakly, in offering to assert it by a false and a sophistical Argument. His Proof begins.  
1. Because of their relation to the Deity.  
Now (says he) the Credit of the Service always rises in Proportion to the Quality and Greatness of the Master. Upon this Position he builds all the argument under this first Head. The Position is sophistical, & his Inferences consequently false. The trick lies here. It being granted him that the Credit of the Service rises in Proportion, etc. he slily infers, that the Credit of the Servant also rises in proportion to the Credit of the Service, which is false: For every body knows that an ill Servant both discredits his Service, and is discredited by it. And by how much the more honourable the Service is in which he is employed, so much the more is he accounted an ill Man who behaves himself unworthily in that Service.  
If an offending Servant is punished by the Law, the honour of the Service is not by that means violated; so far from that, that it is rather vindicated: Neither on the Stage is the divine Service ridiculed, only the ridiculous Servant is exposed.  
2. Because of the Importance of their Office. And,  
3. They have Prescription for their Privilege, their Function has been in Possession of Esteem in all Ages and Countries.  
These 2. are but Branches of the first Head: for their relation to the Deity implies the importance of their Office; and bespeaks that Privilege and Esteem which ever ought to be paid to their Holy Function.  
But here again Mr. Collier confounds the Function with the Person, the Service with the Servant: He is Father Dominick still.  
I would ask Mr. Collier whether a Man, after he has received holy Orders, is become incapable of either playing the Knave, or the Fool?  
If he is not incapable, it is possible that some time or other his Capacity may exert itself to Action.  
If he is found to play the Knave, he is subject to the Penalties of the Law, equally with a Layman; if he plays the Fool, he is equally with a Lay-fool, the subject of Laughter and Contempt.  
By this Behaviour the Man becomes alienated from the Priest; as such Actions are in their own nature separate and very far removed from his function, and when such a one is brought on the Stage, the folly is exposed, not the function; the Man is ridiculed, and not the Priest.  
Such a Character neither does nor can asperse the sacred Order of Priesthood, neither does it at all reflect upon the persons of the pious and good Clergy: For as Ben. johnson observes on the same occasion from St. Hierome, Ubi generalis est de vitiis disputatio, Ibi nullius esse personae injuriam, where the business is to expose and reprehend Folly and Vice in general, no particular person ought to take offence. And such business is properly the business of Comedy.  
That this may not look like a sophistical distinction in me, to say that the Man does, by his behaviour, as it were alienate himself from the Priest, and become liable to an ill Character, apart from his Office: I desire it may be observed that the Church itself makes the same Distinction.  
It was foreseen by the Reverend Bishops and Clergy of this Realm, in their Convocations for establishing the 39 Articles of our Religion in the Years 1562. and 1604. that evil Men (unperceived to be such) might creep into the Ministry of the Church. That afterwards they might become openly profligate, and notoriously Scandalous in their Lives and Conversations; even to that Degree, that some scrupulous Christians, and of a very tender Conscience, might probably take such Offence at the unworthiness of their Minister, as dangerously to avoid his Administration of the Holy Word and Sacraments: To refrain from public Worship, and to lose the real Benefit of the Communion, through a misconceived Opinion of the invalidity of it when Administered by unclean and wicked Hands.  
They might (and not without some reasonable Grounds) doubt whether the same Man who was personally Impious, could be spiritually Sacred; whether he who by his Example would seduce 'em to the Devil, could by his Precepts be conducing to their Salvation. This I say, they might doubt; and not without some reasonable Grounds; and not without the Opinions of two of the Fathers, viz. St. Cyprian, and St. Origen to Authorise their Distrust.  
But to remove this Doubt, and to invalidate the Authorities of those Fathers, the six and twentieth Article of Religion was thus Established by the Convocations abovementioned.  
Article 26.  
Although in the visible Church the Evil be ever mingled with the Good, and sometime the Evil have chief Authority in the Ministration of the Word and Sacraments: Yet for as much as they do not the same in their own Name, but in Christ's, and do Minister by his Commission and Authority; we may use their Ministry both in hearing the Word of God, and in receiving the Sacraments. Neither is the effect of Christ's Ordinance taken away by their Wickedness, nor the Grace of God's Gifts diminished from such, as by Faith, and rightly do receive the Sacraments Ministered unto them; which are effectual, because of Christ's Institution and Promise, although they be Ministered by evil Men.  
Nevertheless it appertaineth to the Discipline of the Church, that enquiry be made of evil Ministers: And that they be accused by those that have knowledge of their Offences; and finally being found Guilty by just judgement be deposed.  
Here is a most manifest Distinction made between the Man and the Priest. Between the regard to his Person, and the respect to his Function.  
I will show anon, that Mr. Collier himself has made this very Distinction, when he is pleased to approve of the Characters of joida and Mathan in the Athalia of Racine.  
If any Man has in any Play exposed a Priest, as a Priest, and with an intimation, that as such, his Character is ridiculous: I will agree heartily to condemn both the Play and the Author. I am confident no Man can defend such an Impiety; and whoever is guilty of it, my Advice to him is, that he acknowledge his Error, that he repent of it and sin no more.  
I confess I do not remember any such Character, Mr. Collier, who is more conversant with bad Plays than any Man that I know, perhaps may.  
Mr. Collier in this Chapter produces many Instances of the Characters of Priests in the Poems of Heathen Writers; he is extremely delighted with the Distinctions of their Habits, with the Show and Splendour in which they appeared. The Crown and guilt Sceptre of Chryses, with the valuable Ransom which he had in his Power, are Objects that gratify his vain Imagination extremely. He is indeed so rapt with his splendid Ideas of Chryses, Laocoon, and Chloreus, that to use his own Phrase, he runs riot upon their Description from page 112 to 118. he seems to have quite laid aside the Thoughts of the twelve poor Men who overbore all the Oppositions of Power and Learning, in pag. 81.  
He now talks of nothing but great Families, great Places, wealthy and honourable Marriages, fine clothes, and in short, of all the Pomps and Vanities of this wicked World. To give him his Due, as in some Places of his Book he criticizes more like a Pedant than a Scholar; argues more like a Sophister than a right Reasoner, and rallies more like a Waterman than a Gentleman; so in this Place he talks more like a Herald-Painter than a Priest, and insists more upon Pedigrees and Coats of Arms, than on moral Virtues or a generous Education.  
He tells us the jewish and Egyptian Priests, the Persian Magis, and Druids of Gaul were all at the upper end of the Government, p. 131. What then? What is that to us, any more than if they were used to sit at the upper end of the Table? No doubt this Gentleman's Affection for such a Seat, furnished him with this florid and metaporical Expression.  
In p. 132. He says the Priesthood was for some time confined to the Patrician Order. Very well: we know the Reason of that; but with Submission, that is not the same thing as if the Patrician Order had been confined to the Priesthood. However, this Gentleman's Meaning is plain; certainly if he were Pope, he would renounce the Title of Servus Servorum Dei.  
He quotes Tully for his Approbation of the same Person's being set at 
p. 133.  the Head both of Religion and Government. What does he mean by this? What Occasion is there of this Quotation, in our Country? Is not our King both at the Head of our Religion and Government? When Mr. Collier allows him one, perhaps he will not deny him the other.  
But to come to his Meaning (if he has any) through all this vain Stuff. I take it, he would give us to understand, that in all Ages the Function of a Priest was held to be a very honourable Function. Did Mr. Collier ever meet with any Body Fool enough to engage him to assert that?  
He tells us that Men of the first Quality; nay, Kings and Emperors have been employed in the sacred Ministry: And I can tell him that Kings and Emperors have been in all Ages exposed on the Stage; their Ambition, Tyrannies and Cruelties, all the Follies and Vices which were Consequences of their arbitrary Power and ungoverned Appetites, have been laid open to the People's View. They have been punished, deposed, and put to Death on the Stage; yet never any King complained of the Theatre, or the Poets. On the contrary, all great Princes have cherished and supported them so long as they themselves were great; till they have diminished in their own Characters, and turned to Bigotry and Enthusiasm; and of this a living Instance might be given.  
Yet, 1. King's have a Relation to the Deity.  
They are his Deputies and Vicegerents on Earth.  
2ly. They are possessed of a very important Office. And,  
3ly. Their Function has been in Possession of Esteem in all Ages and Countries.  
That Men of Quality have always been, and are now employed in the sacred Ministry, is evidently true; and I could heartily wish that more were still employed in it: So should the most honourable Office be executed by the most honourable Hands. So should we behold Men of Birth, Title, and Heraldry, despising tinsel Show, Pageantry, and all Mr. Collier's beloved Bells, Baubles, and Trinkets. And preferring Decency, Humility, Charity, and other Christian Virtues, to shining Ornaments; or even the upper End of a Government. How ill such temporal Bride agrees with the Person and Character of a truly pious and exemplary Divine, I will not pretend to determine. I will only transcribe the Words of a learned and honoured Minister 
Vid. his Tract concerning Schism. p. 224, 225.  of the Church, to this purpose; and that is the reverend Mr. Hales of Eton.  For we have believed him that hath told us, That in jesus Christ there is neither high nor low; and that in giving Honour, every Man should be ready to prefer another before himself; which Sayings cut off all Claim most certainly to Superiority, by Title of Christianity, except Men can think that these things were spoken only to poor and private Men. Nature and Religion agree in this, that neither of them hath a hand in this Heraldry of secundum sub & supra; all this comes from Composition and Agreement of Men among themselves. Wherefore this Abuse of Christianity, to make it Lackey to Ambition, is a Vice for which I have no extraordinary Name of Ignominy, and an ordinary I will not give it, lest you should take so transcendent a Vice to be but trivial. 
Here is not one Syllable of Heraldry Regulated by Garter, and Blazoned by 
Coll. p. 135.  Stones. I would desire the Reader, immediately after this Paragraph from Mr. Hales, to consult Mr. Collier in p. 136. and to observe how he stickles for Place, and thrusts himself before the Gentlemen.  
The Addition of Clerk is at least equal to that of Gentleman. How snappish and short his Clerkship is in his Periods; mark him, were it otherwise, the Profession would in many Cases, be a kind of Punishment. Good Heaven! To profess the Service of God would be a Punishment, if the Title of Clerk were not at least equal to that of Gentleman. Well,— The Heraldry is every jot as safe in the Church, as 'twas in the State. When the Laity are taken leave of, not Gentleman but Clerk is usually Written. And a little after. The first Addition is not lost but covered. Good Reader, return to Mr. Hales, that you may be reminded of the true Respect and Veneration that is due to his Memory; and to the rest of the Meek, the Modest, and the Humble Ministers of the Church: For while Mr. Collier is before you, you will be very apt to forget it.  
I know many Reverend Clergymen now living, whose Names I cannot hear without Awe and Reverence: And why is that? Not from their Heraldry, but their Humility, their Humanity, their exceeding Learning, which is yet exceeded by their Modesty; their exemplary Behaviour in their whole Lives and Conversations; their Charitable Censures, of Youthful Errors and Negligences, their fatherly and tender Admonitions, accompanied with all sweetness of Behaviour; and full of mild yet forcible Persuasion.  
He were next to a Manichean that would not hold such Men's Persons in a degree of Veneration, next to their Profession. But a Mr. Prig, a Mr. Smirk, and I'm afraid a Mr. Collier are Names implying Characters worthy of Aversion and Contempt.  
Now let us take a View of Mr. Collier, as he appears upon the Stage; for while he is examining of Plays; I look upon him as one who has Eloped from his Pulpit and Strayed within the enclosures of the Theatre; and I do not see why the Players should not lay hold of him, and pound him till he has given them Absolution. Why does he abandon his Gown and Cassock to come Capering and Frisking, in his Lay-Doublet and Drawers, between the Scenes? Is he Master of the Revels? Is the Stage under his Discipline? And is he fit to Correct the 
v. Coll. p. 139.  Theatre who is not fit to come into it? He is not fit to come into it. First, Because his Office requires him in another place. And Secondly, Because he makes naughty uses of innocent Plays, and writes Bawdy, and Blasphemous Comments, on the Poet's Works.  
Well, he has at length discovered a Play which is an Exception to what he has observed in France, (Coll. 124.) the Play is the Athalia of Racine. In this Play are the Characters of two Priests joida and Mathan; of both which Mr. Collier is pleased to admit: By enquiring into his Reasons for Licensing this Play, we shall see in what manner he will allow a Priest to be represented on the Stage; and from thence we may guests how he himself would be contented to appear there also.  
joida (says he) the Highpriest has a large Part, but then the Poet does him justice in his Station; he makes him Honest and Brave, and gives him a shining Character throughout. That's well. Mathan is another Priest in the same Tragedy, he turns Renegado, and revolts from God to Baal. That is not altogether so well. But has not the Poet done him Justice too, in giving him the Character that belonged to him? Whether he has or not, Mr. Collier thinks he has made him ample reparation and more than amends, as you shall see. He goes on. He is a very ill Man But— ay, now for the BUT.— He has turned Renegado, has revolted from God to Baal, is positively a very Ill-Man, But, what? O, BUT makes a considerable Appearance. There, now 'tis out, and all's well. If he has but a guilt Crown, and Sceptre, Scarlet and Embroidery in abundance, let him rebel or revolt, he makes a good Figure, and it becomes him very well. Your Servant Mr. Racine, 'twas well for you that Baal gave good Benefices, and his Priests could afford to make a considerable Appearance: Or Mathan's Revolt had not been so well taken at your Hands. But hold, Mr. Collier goes on.  
I'm afraid the Reparation enlarges, and the Compliment rises. For the sake of Connexion let us repeat.—  
— But makes a considerable Appearance. And,—  
Ay now, what can follow this AND in the Name of Climax?  
You shall see.— And is one of the Top of Athalia's Faction.  
Nay, then there is no more to be said. If he had fine clothes, and was set at the Top, or rather at the upper End of a Faction too, he had his hearts Content: A reasonable Mathan would have been satisfied with any one of those Blessings. Tho' I would not answer for Mr. Collier's Continence; at this time, especially: he is so transported with Mr. Racine's Bounty to Mathan, that he excuses him frankly for showing him a Renegado.  
He goes on.— As for the Blemishes of his Life, they stick all upon his own Honour, and reach no farther than his Person.  
I think I have now kept the Promise that I made not long since, to show that Mr. Collier himself, when he is in the Humour, will allow of the Distinction betwixt the Man and the Priest, the Person and the Function.  
But to show that I can be as cross as he; now when he would admit of this distinction, I should rather say when he alleges it, it shall not by any means be granted him. Here is a renegade Priest, that revolts from the true God to Baal: And this Man is only branded with a Blemish on his Person. What, is it no Affront to his Function then? I take it to be no excuse for him that he should afterwards become a Priest of Baal. Sure Mr. Collier does not mean to make use of Mr. Dryden's Key as he calls it, and say that Priests of all Religions, etc. Well, 'tis only a Blemish upon his Person; or if Mr. Collier pleases, because he delights in Phrases of Heraldry, 'tis only a Blot in his Scutcheon. Let Mr. Collier answer for this, to those who have Authority to examine him further. He is in every Line growing more and more gracious to Mr. Racine. And now he is come to the very top or upper-end of his Civility; and says with a bon grace and belle air, that  — in fine, the Play is a very religious Poem. 
Indeed! why then in fine we are tacked about; then a Play in fine, may be a religious Poem it seems: Why then Sir Martin with his, in fine, here has quite unravelled his own Plot. Ay, ay, the Play is a very religious Poem; if Faction and fine clothes want make a religious Poem, it must be made of strange Stuff indeed.  — 'Tis upon the Matter all Sermon and Anthem— 
O Lord! nay, now I protest Mr. Collier this must not be; nay now you're so infinitely obliging! fie, this is too much on t'other side: You quite forget the Fathers indeed Sir, and the Bishop of Arras.  — And if it were not designed for the Theatre— 
Out with it Man.—  I have nothing to Object. 
Why that's well, now he's come to himself. O' my Word, I was half afraid he would have played the Mathan, and have revolted to the Theatre. The Mischief is, this naughty Theatre will be interloping; when Sermon and Anthem, become the Stage as ill, as Faction and fine clothes do the Pulpit: But Men sometimes travel into Foreign Provinces for Vari●y.  
I cannot forbear enquiring into one Example more, which this Gentleman offers us in the very next Page.  In the History of Sir John Oldcastle, Sir John, Parson of Wrotham, Swears, Games, Wenches, Pads, ●ilts and Drinks; this is extremely bad. 
Extremely bad? Can any thing be worse? and yet (says he) Shakespear's Sir John, has some advantage in his Character. Now who can forbear enquiring what advantage a Character can possibly have, consistent with such abominable Vices? First, He appears loyal and stout; he brings in Sir John, Acton, and other Rebels, Prisoners. So! as 'tis in the Spanish Friar, a Manifest Member of the Church Militant! That he was Stout, was plain before, from his Padding and Tilting. But this will not do; the advantage does not yet appear. No! why then.  — He is rewarded by the King, and the judge uses him civilly and with Respect. 
This Advantage appears still but coldly. King's reward Spys and Executioners, and necessary Instruments of Policy and Punishment. And Judges are generally Men of Years, Temper and Wisdom, and use all Gentlemen with Civility. Ay, say you so? why then— in short— ay, now for the Iliads in a Nutshell. Here is the But coming again, I had a glimpse of him just now. ex. gr.  In short he is represented Lewd, but not Little. 
There is an Advantage for you now; in short, Lewd but not Little.  
Concise and pretty! the Gentleman had best take it for a Motto, and have it annexed to his Coat-Armour, when he can get his Heraldry regulated by Garter, and blazoned by Stones.  
Well, I confess I have been in an Error; I thought a Man never appeared so very little, as when he appeared extremely lewd. If I have undervalved Lewdness, I ask Mr. Collier's Pardon.  And the Disgrace falls rather on the Person than the Office. 
Here again you see, he will allow this Distinction to all his Favourites. Here is the Person and the Function separated again; the Priest and the Man: In short, he answers himself so often, that I will dispute this Point no more with him.  
But you may see what this poor Gentleman in the wretched Pride of his little Heart, thinks a sufficient Alloy to make current a most dissolute or impious Character. Though you expose a Priest revolting from God to Baal, yet if you let him make a considerable Figure, and place him at the Head of a Faction, all is well enough; and the Poem may be a religious Poem, etc. Show another in Comedy, let him Swear, Game, Wench, Pad, Tilt and Drink, but withal let him keep good Company; let a Judge, or some Great Man treat him with Respect, that he may not appear little, though he appear lewd, and you give some advantage to his Character; at least you will show that he understands his Post, and converses with the Freedom of a Gentleman. 
Ibid.   
In Page 122, Our Author has observed how the Heathen Poets behaved themselves in the Argument. Priests seldom appear in their Plays; and when they come, 'tis business of Credit that brings them. They are treated like Persons of Condition; they act up to their Relation, neither sneak, nor prevaricate, nor do any thing unbecoming their Office.  
Indeed when Men neither sneak, nor prevaricate, nor do any thing unbecoming their Office in the World, they ought not to be represented otherwise on the Stage: Nay, they ought not to be exposed at all in Comedy; for the Characters exposed there, should be of those only, who misbehave themselves.  
Let us suppose that the Character of this Author were to be shown upon the Stage: he who should represent him behaving himself as he ought, would be to blame, and that for these Reasons.  
First, To represent him behaving himself as he ought, would be to represent him in the discharge of some part of his Holy Office, which is by no means fit to be shown on the Stage; especially in Comedy, where men's Vices and Follies are exposed: That would be to bring Mr. Collier's Function, not his Person on the Stage, which is not to be permitted.  
Secondly, He that should represent Mr. Collier behaving himself as he ought, would very much misrepresent Mr. Collier, in respect to the Manners of his Character.  
Let us take a slight Sketch of him as he presents himself to us in his Book. Let Mr. Collier be represented as he is, not as he ought to be; that by seeing what he is, Mr. Collier may be ashamed of what he is, and endeavour at what he ought to be.  
And that the Instruction of the Representation may not be lost, let us borrow that Distinction which severs the Priest from the Man: If Mathan, and Sir john of Wrotham, have done with it, they may lend it to us; 'tis for the use of an Humble Servant of theirs, and whenever the Humour takes 'em to Revolt, Pad, Tilt, Wench, Drink, and soforth, let 'em give us a Quarter of an Hours Notice, and they shall have it again.  
Well, Our Author being thus divided, we will desire the better Part of him, to take his Place in the Pit, and let the other appear to him like his evil Genius on the Stage.  
Suppose the Gentleman in the Scene to appear very intent upon the very Obscene Comedies of Aristophanes, 
Coll. p. 40. 44.  quaer. Whether the Person in the Pit, beholding how very ill this becomes him, will not think that he might with much more Decency, betake himself to his Septuagint?  
Mr. Collier on the Stage shall anathematise the Poets, and tell 'em in plain Terms, they should be excommunicated, and that they are not fit to come into the Church. Quaer. whether 
Coll. 139.  Mr. Collier, in the Pit, will not think it had been more becoming his Character, to have invited and exhorted them to it?  
Mr. Collier on the Stage shall behave himself with all the Arrogance, and little Pride of a spruce Pedant, 
p. 136.  that the Gentlemen in the Pit may be induced to practise the Meekness and Humility of a Christian Divine. The former, shall pervert and misconstrue every thing that is 
V. most part of Mr. Collier's Quotations.  said to him, that the latter may learn to use Justice, Candor, and Sincerity, in his Interpretations.  
The Player Collier shall call the Gentlemen that he converses with, Foot-pads, Buffoons, Slaves, etc. 
V. Pres. 81. 63, 175.  that the Spectator Collier may remember they are Christians, and should be catechised by other Names.  
Mr. Collier, on the Stage, shall rack Bawdry and Obscenity out of modest and innocent Expressions; and having extorted it, he shall scourge it, not out of Chastisement but Wantonness; he shall forget, that sometimes to report a Fault is to repeat 
P. 71.  it. The Spectator in the Pit shall plainly perceive, that he loves to look on naked Obscenity; and that he only flogs it, as a sinful Pedagogue 
Coll. Ch. 1, 2.  sometimes lashes a pretty Boy, that looks lovely in his Eyes, for Reasons best known to himself.  Castigo te non quod odio habeam, sed quod amem. 
Mr. Collier, on the Stage, shall ridicule, rail at, and condemn all Plays whatsoever: He shall tyre himself, and his Audience, with his Inveteracy and Exclamations against them. Which done, he shall all on the sudden, and, that there may be something surprising, and praeter expectatum in his Character, from a Persecutor, become a Promoter of the Drama: He shall be as furious a Critic as he was a Bigot; and give the best Rules and Instructions of which he is capable, for the Composure of Comedy. He shall talk in all the Pedantical Cant of Fable, Intrigue, Discovery, of Unities of Time, Place, and Action. But lest this Behaviour 
V. from P. 209. to 228. and forwards.  in Mr. Collier's Character should appear inconsistent, and a violation of the Precept of Horace.  
— Servetur ad imum,  
Qualis ab incepto processerit; & sibi constet.  
His Vanity shall bear proportion with his Dissimulation; his Ignorance shall be as great as his Malice; and he shall not be able to deviate from his inveterate Zeal against Plays; for he shall not appear to understand one Syllable of the Rules of Writing, but shall misled Poetry as much by his Instructions, as he has perverted it by his Interpretations; he shall favour his Adversaries without obliging them; the Zeal of his Character shall be preserved even in his own despite; and his Devotion, in this Particular, shall be the Child of his Ignorance: For he can make but  — Lame Mischief tho' he mean it well. 
P. 104.  
And if Plays are pernicious, Mr. Collier shall only be wicked in his Wishes, he shall be acquitted in his Performances; his Instigations to Poetry shall prove checks upon it. He shall appear mounted upon a false Pegasus, like a Lancashire Witch upon an imaginary Horse, the Fantom 
P. 230.  shall be unbridled, and the Broom-stick made visible.  
At this Catastrophe, Mr. Collier, in the Pit, shall exclaim like Flecknoe, and with very little variation.  
O why didst thou on Learning fix a Brand,  
And rail at Arts thou didst not understand?  
Now, lest the Poet who shall undertake this Character, should be graveled in the imitation of the Style of this elaborate Writer, let him take these few Instances of his allusive and highly metaphorical Expressions, for Patterns; viz. running riot upon Smut: A Poem with a Litter of Epithets, like a Bitch overstocked with Puppies: Sucking the Sense to skin and bone: A Fancy slip-stocking high: The upper-end of a Government: A whole Kennel of Beaux after a Woman, etc. For his Elegancy, these are Originals: Learning a Spaniel to set: This belike is the meaning: Three of the biggest of Four: Big Alliances, Men of the biggest Consideration for sense, etc. 
See p. 12. 27, 34, 92, 131, 132, 225, 233, etc.  To marry up a Top-Lady: Cum multis aliis.  
'Tis a strange thing that a Man should write such Stuff as this, who is capable of making the following 
Coll. 205.  Observation.  
Offensive Language, like Offensive Smells, does but make a Man's Senses a burden, and affords him nothing but loathing and Aversion.  
For these Reasons, 'tis a Maxim in good Breeding never to shock the Senses or Imagination.  
Ibid.  
Indeed there are few things which distinguish the manner of a Man's Breeding and Conversation, more visibly, than the Metaphors which he uses in Writing; I mean in writing from himself, and in his own Name and Character, A Metaphor is a similitude in a Word, a short Comparison; and it is used as a similitude, to illustrate and explain the meaning. The Variety of Ideas in the Mind, furnish it with variety of Matter for Similitudes; and those Ideas are only so many Impressions made on the Memory, by the force and frequency of external Objects.  
Pitiful and mean Comparisons, proceed from pitiful and mean Ideas; and such Ideas have their beginning from a familiarity with such Objects. From this Author's poor and filthy Metaphors and Similitudes, we may learn the Filthiness of his Imagination; and from the Uncleanness of that, we may make a reasonable guess at his rate of Education, and those Objects with which he has been most conversant and familiar.  
To conclude with him in this Chapter; I will only say that no Man living has a greater respect for a good Clergyman, nor more contempt for an ill one, than myself; the former I have often been proud to show, the latter never fell in my way till now. I never yet introduced the Character of a Clergyman in any of my Plays, excepting that little Apparition of Saygrace, in the Double-Dealer; and I am very indifferent whether ever the Gown appear upon the Stage, or not: If it does, I think it should not be worn by the Character of a good Man; for such a one ought not to be made the Companion of foolish Characters. If ever it is shown there, it ought to be hung loosely on the shoulders of such a one as I have lately instanced; but to no other end, than to demonstrate that even the sacred Habit is abused by some; but by their Characters and Manners the Audience may observe what manner of Men they are. And no question but if our Author, in the Pit, did behold his Counterpart on the Stage, thus egregiously to play the Fool in his Pontificalibus, the rebuke 
Coll. 111.  would strike stronger upon his sense, and prove more effectual to his Reformation.  
I come now to his Chapter of the Immorality of the Stage.  
His Objections here are rather Objections against Comedy in general, than against mine, or any body's Comedies in particular. He says the Sparks that marry up the Top-Ladies, 
P. 142.  and are rewarded with Wives and Fortunes in the last Acts, are generally debauched Characters. In answer to this, I refer to my first and second Proposition. He is a little particular in his Remarks upon Valentine, in Love for Love. He says,  This Spark, the Poet would pass for a 
Ibid.  Person of Virtue; but he speaks too late. 
I know who, and what he is, that always speaks too soon. Why is he to be passed for a Person of Virtue? Or where is it said that his Character makes extraordinary Pretensions to it! Valentine is in Debt, and in Love; he has honesty enough to close with a hard Bargain, rather than not pay his Debts, in the first Act; and he has Generosity and Sincerity enough, in the last Act, to sacrifice every thing to his Love; and when he is in danger of losing his Mistress, thinks every thing else of little worth. This, I hope, may be allowed a Reason for the Lady to say, He has Virtues: They are such in respect to her; and her once saying so, in the last Act, is all the notice that is taken of his Virtue quite through the Play.  
Mr. Collier says, he is Prodigal. He was prodigal, and is shown, in the first Act under hard Circumstances, which are the Effects of his Prodigality. That he is unnatural and undutiful, I don't understand: He has indeed a very unnatural Father; and if he does not very passively submit to his Tyranny and barbarous Usage, I conceive there is a Moral to be applied from thence to such Fathers. That he is profane and obscene, is a false Accusation, and without any Evidence. In short, the Character is a mixed Character; his Faults are fewer than his good Qualities; and, as the World goes, he may pass well enough for the best Character in a Comedy; where even the best must be shown to have Faults, that the best Spectators may be warned not to think too well of themselves.  
He quotes the Old Bachelor twice 
P. 171. 172.  in this Chapter. His first Quotation is made with his usual assurance and fair dealing.  If any one would understand what the Curse of all tender-hearted Women is, Bellmour will inform him. What is it then? 'Tis the Pox. 
Here he makes a Flourish upon ill Nature's being recommended as a Guard of Virtue and of Health, etc.  
The whole Matter of Fact is no more than this.  Lucy to Belmour, Act 5. Scene 2. 
If you do deceive me, the Curse of all kind tender-hearted Women light upon you.  Bell. 
That's as much as to say, The Pox take me.  
It is his Interpretation; and it is agreeable to his Character. He is a Debauchee, and he thinks there is but one way for Women to be kind and tender-hearted; and, I think, his threatening them with such a Curse as the consequence of too much easiness, does not seem to recommend the Vice at all, but rather to forbid it: His very Lewdness, in this place, is made moral and instructive.  
I am very glad our Author is in such Circumstances, in this Chapter, that he can bear the sight of that Hellish Syllable, Pox; and prevail with himself to write it at its full length. Non ita pridem. In Page 82. he loves his Love with a P— but no naming: That is not like a Cavalier. What Ermine was ever an Instance of superfine Nicety comparable to Mr. Collier? I will not say, what Cat? Tho' if I should, I can quote a Spanish Proverb to justify the Comparison.  El gato scaldado tiene miedo de agua fria. 
He makes one Quotation more, to what purpose indeed I know not; but I will repeat it, in Justice to him, because it is the last that he has made, and the first fair one. Old Batch. Act 4. Belinda to Sharp.  
— Where did you get this excellent Talon 
P. 172.  of Railing?  Sharp. 
— Madam, the Talon was born with me.— I confess I have taken care to improve it, to qualify me for the Society of Ladies.  
These are the Words just as the Gentleman quotes'em; but why, or wherefore, he is not pleased to discover; for he says not one Syllable, for, nor against 'em: I suppose he thinks the Proof plain, and the Evidence firm without a Coroborator.  
I hope the Reader will not forget, that these Instances are produced, to prove that I have encouraged Immorality in my Plays. I thought the Expression, abovementioned, had been a gentle Reproof to the Ladies that are addicted to railing; and since Mr. Collier has not said that it must mean the contrary, I don't see why it may not be understood so still?  
I have now gone thorough with all Mr. Collier's Quotations; I have been as short as I could possibly in their Vindication; I have avoided all Recriminations, and have not so much as made one Citation from any of my Plays in favour of them: Whatever they contain of Morality, or Invectives against Folly and Vice, is no more than what ought to be in them; therefore I do not urge it as a Merit.  
My Business was not to paint, but to wash; not to show Beauties, but to wipe off Stains.  
Mr. Collier has indeed given me an opportunity of reforming many Errors, by obliging me to a review of my own Plays.  
Dum relego scripsisse pudet, quia plurima Cerno  
Me quoque qui feci, judice, digna lini.  
But I must affirm, that they are only Errors occasioned by Inadvertency or Inexperience, and that I am conscious of nothing that can make me liable to his Censure, or rather Slander. I am as ready to own the Advantages I have received from his Book, as to demonstrate the Wrongs; if I resent the latter, it is because they were intended me; and if I do not thank him for the other, it is because they were not: He would have poisoned me, but he overdosed it, and the Excess of his Malice has been my Security.  
To give him his due, he seems every where to write more from Prejudice, than Opinion; he rails when he should reason; and for gentle Reproofs, uses scurrilous Reproaches. He looks upon his Adversaries to be his Enemies; and to justify his Opinion in that Particular, before he has done with them, he makes them so. If there is any Spirit in his Arguments, it evaporates and flies off unseen, through the heat of his Passion. His Passion does not only make him appear in many Places to be in the wrong, but it also makes him appear to be conscious of it. That which shows the Face of Wit in his Writing, has indeed no more than the Face; for the Head is wanting. Wit is at the best but the Sign to good understanding; it is hung out to recommend the Entertainment which may be found within: And it is very well when the Invitation can be made good. As the outward Form of Godliness is Hypocrisy, which very often conceals Irreligion and Immorality; so is Wit also very often an Hypocrisy, a Superficies glazed upon false Judgement, a good Face set on a bad Understanding.  
It is a Mask which Mr. Collier sometimes wears, but it does not fit the Mould of his Face; he presumes too much on the Security of his Disguise, and very often ventures till he is discovered: He does not know himself in his Foreign Dress, and from thence concludes that no body else can. His Ancestor of honoured Memory, recorded in Aesop, miscarried through the same Selfsufficiency. Mr. Collier, when he clothed himself in the Lion's Skin, should have thought of an Expedient to have concealed his Ears: But, it may be, he is proud of them, and thinks it proper to show that he has them both, and at their full length.  
He has put himself to some pain to show his Reading; and his Reading is such, that it puts us to pain to behold it. He discovers an ill Taste in Books, and a worse Digestion. He has swallowed so much of the Scum of Authors, that the overflowing of his own Gall was superfluous to make it rise upon his Stomach. But he ought in good Manners to have stepped aside, and not to have been thus nauseous and offensive to the Noses of the whole Country. But as his Reading would not stay with him, so his Writing ran away with him.  
Ben johnson, in his Discoveries, says, There be some Men are born only to suck 
john's. Disc. P. 702.  the Poison of Books. Habent venenum pro victu imo pro deliciis. And such are they that only relish the obscene and foul things in Poets; which makes the Profession taxed: But by whom? Men that watch for it, etc. Something farther in the same Discoveries, He is speaking again very much to our purpose; for it is in justification of presenting vicious and foolish Characters on the Stage in Comedy. It seems some People were angry at it then; let us compare his Picture of them, with 
john's. Disc. P. 714.  the Characters of those who quarrel at it now. It sufficeth (says he) I know what kind of Persons I displease, Men bred in the declining and decay of Virtue, betrothed to their own Vices; that have abandoned, or prostituted their good Names; hungry and ambitious of Infamy, invested in all Deformity, enthralled to Ignorance and Malice, of a hidden and concealed Malignity, and that hold a concomitancy with all Evil.  
'Tis strange that Mr. Collier should oversee these two Passages, when he was simpling in the same Field where they both grow. This is pretty plain; because in the 51st Page of his Book he presents you with a Quotation from the same Discoveries, as one entire Paragraph, tho' severally collected from the 706 and 717th Pages of the Original; so that he has read both before, and beyond these Passages. But a Man that looks in a Glass often, walks away, and forgets his resemblance.  
Mr. Collier's Vanity in pretending to Criticism, has extremely betrayed his Ignorance in the Art of Poetry; this is manifest to all that understand it. And methinks his Affectation of seeming to have read every thing, sometimes betrays him to Confessions that are not much to his Advantage. I wonder he is not ashamed to own, that he is so well acquainted with the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Aristophanes. The Dialogues of Aretine, or Aloïsia, are not more obscene than that Piece. The Author there, as Mr. Bays says, does egad name the thing directly, and that in above a hundred Places. But perhaps Mr. Collier meant to veil that Play under a Misnommer (to use his 
Coll. P. 44.  own Phrase); and when he called it Concianotores, thought we could not discover, that in spite of his Artifice, or his Ignorance, he must mean no other than the lewd Concionatrices, or Parliament-Women of Aristophanes. He has indeed raked together a strange number of Author's Names: But as Gideon's Army of Two and thirty thousand was ordered to be reduced to Three hundred; so his rabble of Citations, without any loss to him, might be reduced to a much less number: But his Business is not Discipline, but Tumult. He appears like Captain Tom at the Head of a People that are shuffled together, neither the World, nor they, nor He, can tell why; but since they are met, Plunder is the Word, and the Playhouse is first to be demolished.  
He has outdone Bays in his grand Dance; nay, the Heathen Philosophers in their Notions of the grand Chaos, never imagined a greater confusion. All Religions, all Countries, all Ages, are jumbled together, to explode what all Religions, all Countries, and all Ages have allowed. He is not contented with his Battalia, compounded of Bramins, brahmin's, Muftis, Councils, Fathers, the Bishop of Arras, etc. But the Philosophers, nay, the very Poets themselves are pressed to the Service.  
Cicero endeavoured with all his might to get himself a Name in Poetry; and Aristotle preferred Tragedy even to Philosophy. But Mr. Collier has converted them both; in short, between him, and the Bishop of Arras, they have been seduced and inviegled over to the other side.  
He pretends to triumph in the heart of Parnassus, and has sown dissension in the bosoms of some of the chief Proprietors. Ovid and the Plain Dealer are revolted, and take Arms against their Brethren, while Mr. Collier sings with Lucan and Hudibras of— Civil Fury, etc.  
—— populumque potentem.  
In sua victrici Conversum viscera dextra  
Cognatasque acies—  
Bays against Bays- & Pila minantia pilis.  
I wish his Seeds of Sedition were not scattered elsewhere; for here I think they will hardly thrive. What effect his Doctrine in private Families will have, I know not, when the Superiority 
P. 139.  comes to be disputed between the Country-Gentlemen, and their Chaplains; or rather, as Mr. Collier has established it, between the Chaplains, and their Country-Gentleman.  
I am not the only one who look on this Pamphlet of his to be a Gun levelled at the whole Laity, while the shot only glances on the Theatre; what he means by the Attack, or what may be its Consequences, I know not, and I suppose he cares not. Bellum inchoant inertes, fortes finiunt. But there are those who will not be displeased at an occasion of making Recriminations. With respect to his Parts, it is no wise thing to give any body an Example of searching into Books for negligent and foolish Expressions. Divines have sometimes forgot themselves in Controversial Writings; Disputes begun, or pretended to have been begun on Points of Faith, have ended in scurrilous and personal Reflections; and from Tracts of Divinity, have degenerated into Pasquil's and Lampoons. That Mr. Collier has laid the Foundation of such a Controversy, I think is apparent; but I hope his Credit is not sufficient to engage any body to go on with the Building.  
He has assaulted the Town in the Seat of their principal, and most reasonable Pleasure. Down with the Theatre right or wrong. Delenda est Carthago, let the Consequence be what it will. That was a very rash Maxim; and if Cato had lived to have seen its Effects, he would have repent it▪ To persecute an Ally (and that desires no more than to continue in our Alliance) as an Enemy, is a weak, and barbarous Piece of Policy.  
Persecution makes Men persevere in the right; and Persecution may make 'em persist in the wrong. Men may, by ill usage, be irritated sometimes to assert and maintain, even their very Errors. Perhaps there is a vicious Pride of triumphing in the worst of the Argument, which is very prevailing with the Vanity of Mankind; I cannot help thinking that our Author is not without his share of this Vanity. I think truly he had a fair appearance of Right on his side in the Title Page of his Book; but with reason I think I may also affirm, that by his mis-management he has very much weakened his Title. He that goes to Law for more than his Right, makes his Pretensions, even to that which is his Right, suspected; as a true Story loses its Credit, when related from the Mouth of a known Liar.  
Mr. Collier's many false Citations, make his true suspected; and his misapplication of his true Citations, very much arraign both his Judgement and Sincerity. His Authorities from the Fathers (with all due respect to them) are certainly no more to the purpose, than if he had cited the two Attic Laws against the Licentiousness of the Old Comedy; in Truth not so much: For the Invectives of the Fathers, were levelled at the Cruelty of the Gladiators, and the Obscenity of the Partomimes. If some of them have confounded the Drama with such spectacles, it was an oversight of Zeal very allowable in those days; and in the Infaney of Christianity, when the Religion of the Heathens was intermingled with their Poetry and Theatral Representations; therefore Christians, then, might very well be forbidden to frequent even the best of them. As for our Theatres, St. Austin and Lactantius knew no more of them, than they did of the Antipodes; and 
Vid. St. Aust. de Civ. Dei. l. 16. c. 9 & Lact. de fals. Sap. 23.  they might with as much difficulty have been persuaded, that the former would in aftertimes be tolerated in a Christian State, as that the latter would be received for a manifest and common Truth, and made intelligible to the Capacity of every Child.  
To what end has he made such a Bugbear of the Theatre? Why would he possess the Minds of weak and melancholic People with such frightful Ideas of a poor Play? Unless to sour the humours of the People of most leisure, that they might be more apt to mis-employ their vacant hours. It may be there is not any where a People, who should less be debarred of innocent Diversions, than the People of England. I will not argue this Point; but I will strengthen my Observation with one Parallel to it from Polybius; That excellent Author, who always moralizes in his History, and instructs as faithfully as he relates; in his 4th Book, attributes the the Ruin of Cynethia by the Aetolians, in plain Terms, to their degeneracy from their Arcadian Ancestors, in their neglect of Theatral and Musical Performances. The Cynethians (says my Author) had their Situation the farthest North in all Arcadia; they were subjected to an inclement and uncertain Air, and for the most part cold and melancholic; and, for this reason, they of all People should last have parted with the innocent and wholesome Remedies, which the Diversions of Music administered to that sowrness of Temper, and sullenness of Disposition, which of necessity they must partake from the Disposition and Influence of their Climate; For they no sooner fell to 
Vid. Transl. by Sir H. Sheer, Vol. 2. p. 46.  neglect these wholesome Institution, when they fell into Dissensions and Civil Discords, and grew at length into such depravity of Manners, that their Crimes in number and measure surpassed all Nations of the Greeks beside.  
He gives us to understand, that their Chorus' on the Theatres, their frequent Assemblies of young People, Men and Women, mingling in Musical Performances, were not instituted by their Ancestors out of Wantonness and Luxury, but out of Wisdom; from a deliberated and effectual Policy, and for the Reasons above noted. Much more might be cited from Polybius, who has made a very considerable digression on this occasion.  
The Application of what I have borrowed, is very plain. Is there in the World a Climate more uncertain than our own? And which is a natural Consequence, Is there any where a People more unsteady, more apt to discontent, more saturnine, dark, and melancholic than ourselves? Are we not of all People the most unfit to be alone, and most unsafe to be trusted with ourselves? Are there not more Self-murderers, and melancholic Lunatics in England, heard of in one Year, than in a great part of Europe besides? From whence are all our Sects, Schisms, and innumerable Subdivisions in Religion? Whence our Plots, Conspiracies, and Seditions? Who are the the Authors and Contrivers of these things? Not they who frequent the Theatres and Consorts of Music. No, if they had, it may be Mr. Collier's Invective had not been levelled that way; his Gun-Powder-Treason Plot upon Music and Plays (for he says Music is as dangerous as 
p. 279.  Gunpowder) had broke out in another Place, and all his False-Witnesses been summoned elsewhere.  
FINIS.