Cornucopia, OR, room for a Ram-head.  
Wherein is described the dignity of the Ram-head above the Round-head, or Rattle-head.  
London printed for John Reynolds, 1642.   

Cornucopia OR room for a Ram-head. Being a Dialogue between a Man and his wife.  Wife. 
WHat now Husband? Are you grown horn mad? What do you mean to assume such a head to make yourself ridiculous, and a laughing stock to all the world? And to bring shame and disgrace unto me, as if I were an unhonest woman, who have been loyal unto you all my life, I vow I will have them off.  Husband. 
But vow you shall not, for I take more pleasure and content in them then in any thing in the world beside, esteeming them as a goodly ornament unto me above all other men, 2. as a testification to all the world of my innocency, 3. it is unto me a strong defence against all adverse power, 4. horns are so serviceable and useful that no man almost can live without them.  W. 
But why did you attempt such a thing without my consent?  H. 
Good wife be content, for there are very few wear horns without their wife's consent.  W. 
But you do, and that I am sure of.  H. 
Will you take your oath of that?  W. 
No indeed, I am not so rash, I do not use to swear you know, yet this is enough to make any one swear and curse too, especially considering that not long since your head was as round as a ball.  H. 
But when my head was round, I could neither pass along the street nor sit in my shop without receiving a jeer from one knave or other, some calling me a troublesome fellow, some saying I was a despiser of government, others telling me I was an enemy to Bishops and the discipline of our Church. If I had a head full of wit, I should be called, or at least suspect me to be either a projector, or a crafty knave: should I wear long locks, I should be esteemed a roaring boy or a swaggerer; and all this laid upon me, though I were innocent of them all. This judgement passed upon me for my head; but who saith so of me now? They may well gaze at me, but judge me to be no other, but an innocent harmless and contented man.  W. 
But why are horned men called more innocent and harmless than other men?  H. 
Because they have no harm in them, for where horns are there is innocency: As for example, we may see in the very animal, these whom nature hath horned, are of all other most harmless in themselves, and most beneficial and serviceable to man, as sheep, oxen, goats and the like, who never offend any, and yet wondrous strong in their own defence, as you may see in the fiercest of them all, which is the Bull; when shall you see him run at any dog, but pass by a thousand of them without regard or fear, but if they run at him he with his horns toss them up into the air, and causes them oftentimes to garter their legs with their own guts. How many comely headed rams pass by the butcher's doors, against whom no dog moveth his tongue, and if they should, his horned head is a sufficient defence to push them down backward.  W. 
But what is that to men that wear horns?  H. 
Is there not an old proverb, that one pair of legs is worth two pair of hands? but I say in a new proverb, that one pair of horns is worth ten pair of legs. If the old Lord Keeper had had a good horned head, he needed not to have borrowed a Finches wings to transport his massy body over the seas, he might have stayed at home and been safe, for what virtue is there in birds feathers comparable with horns? What defence is there in a delinquent Prelates three corner cap? Or in a Pope's mitre? Or in a Cardinal's cap? Would not one pair of horns well planted in one innocent head be worth all these? Who can deny it? Surely no man. Sir John Suckling with his six score troopers, was forced to fly, whereas I stay at home with my horns in quietness, amongst many of the forked order, and no man envies me.  
Moreover horns are a great commodity both here and beyond the seas, many living comfortably thereupon, and the company of horners greater than can be known: I could wish that all my kin were horned, than I might happily get something at their death, whereas now I am like to get nothing. But let me die when I will, if I leave my heirs nothing else, I bequeathe unto them my horns.  
Again, horns are of such necessary use, that the commonwealth cannot want them, being used of most sorts of people, even from our infancy to our dying day. For no sooner can children walk and talk, but they are put to their hornbook to learn the first rudiments of all liberal Sciences; and when they grow greater, to recreate themselves with a horn Top, both in Schools, Houses, and in the Streets.  
In every Country house where you come, you shall see the first thing the good man seeketh or enquireth for in the morning, is his horn to draw on his shoes, and for assurance of not missing it, hath it oftentimes made fast to a post with a chain. Nay Tom of Bedlam is mad when he wanteth his horn. How long might the sowgelder walk both City and Country ere any one knew him from another man, except his horn proclaim him, and then all look out. Who dare stay a post upon the high way, when once he joins his horn to his head and winds it. It is a hanging matter. Many dainty Dames have I seen sewing with horn Thimbles on their fingers, when they have either sold, pawned, lost or laid by their silver ones. Many Bakers when they are ready to set their Oven, put the horn to their head to warn their customers in. How many a gallant Gentleman riding a hunting both in field and forest, hath a horn about his neck in a silk string or scarf, which when he hath lost his sport, windeth his horn both loud and shrill, the meaning whereof the envious dogs well know, and by nature are forced to obey, willingly, cheerfully and speedily come to their game: but first the huntsman must set the horn to his head, or else it hath no virtue to work this effect. For the horn and the head have a special relation one to the other.  
What Round head or Rattle head may then compare with the horned head? They trouble a commonwealth, these benefit it sundry ways, as you see.  
How many aged persons of all degrees, both men and women, are beholding to the horn, which they place in the midst of their faces, not far from the place where they should grow, to hold up a pair of spectacles, when their eyes grow dim: whereby their sight is so renewed, that they can discern the smallest atom, or mote in the Sun beams?  
What man or boy scorneth to carry an inkhorn in his pocket to serve him upon all needful occasions?  
Some have been so proud they would not, but have had their clerks to carry them after them, but after this contempt they have proved delinquents, and came short of Westminster.  
Nay the Drunkard himself often conveys so much good liquour to his head with the horn, that he is not able to come home without the help of another, which is a lantern to keep him from falling in the kennel, or justling every post he meets with.  
How many sorts of fine spoons are made of horn, with which we need not be ashamed to sup as good broth or pottage as Giles Calfine ever seasoned or crumbed?  
In North-Holland there is a renowned City styled by the name of horn, famous through the world for shipping, merchandise, and trading.  
Lastly, there is in some horns a wonderful virtue: the heart's horn hath power to expel poison, and is excellent for use in painting and limning.  
But who is able to express the virtue of the unicorns horn; one of them being valued above a King's ransom.  Wife. 
Well Husband, your Reasons have overcome me; neither ay, nor any honest woman, is able to gainsay them: Therefore I give my free consent unto you, to wear horns unto your dying day.  Husb. 
I thank you loving wife, you have now given me full content, according to my hearts desire. But yet to set forth at large the whole benefit and commodity of horns, would be tedious: Therefore to conclude with that which hath been spoken, wishing no man to despise the horn: For the proudest he whosoever he be, may (by chance) or must (of necessity) use or wear the horn.  
FINIS.