THE MUSES MISTRESS: OR, A STOREHOUSE OF RICH FANCIES. By J. C. Written at Succidanious hours during the Action at NEWARK. With other high Rhapsodies, extracted from the choicest Wits of our Age. LONDON, Printed in the Year. 1660. The Lion's Tale; Occasionally grounded on our first Wars, and in private Copies dispersed: with a great reward promised to whomsoever should discover the Author. THree witty Wags meeting by chance together, Resolved to Billet at * A notable place for strong tipple. IT CUTS A FEATHER: Where to allay the fury of their Ale, Each in his Order was to tell a Tale. The first a POET and a PROPHET too, Begun this Story without more ado. In Libya a Lion once there was, Who did in mildness Others fare surpass; So meek he was, and so indulgent too, Some made a doubt if he were One or no. While Others furnished their ravenous feasts Each day i'th' Week with several Kind's of Beasts, Now with a mountain Goat, or butting Ram, Now with a wanton kid, or harmless Lamb, Now with a princely Stag, or nimble Roe, A velve●-headed Bu●k or bouncing do; Wherewith they stored, if we may trust the Fable, In various dishes their Vitellian Table. This courteous Lion was so humble grown As he would scarce make usage of his own. Others made booties of their Subjects, He Both for their votes and voices made them free. Others by their Projectors did devi●e New Impositions, Lays, Monopolies, And to enlarge their Purlue, found a feat To lay excise upon the meat they eat. No ancient forest Law but they were at it, To swinge th' infringer with a penal Statute. None were exempted; for they would allege A Lions will should be his privilege. But these Examples could but little move This tender Lion, who was made of love. Herds might securely graze, or choose their way, His royal Spirit scorned to make a prey Of any Subject: nor stood they in danger: If he were moved, it was a Princely anger: And such as their submission quickly might Attemper well when it was at the height. But see how Lenity may be abused! Those wronged him most, whom he had kindl'est used. These ill-conditioned Beasts within a while By th' poisonous practice of the Crocodile, Who for his subtle Council might be well Styled 'mongst these Beasts the sole Achitophel, With one joint voice, vote and unite consent Begun to sleight their Sovereign's government; Whose sweet indulgence such contempt did bring As none amongst them but would play the king, Or represent his person, or else be As like unto a King in Majesty, Port, posture, presence, though by usurpation, As their poor Cricket physiognomy could fashion. There might you see Bull, Tiger, Boar and Bear, ☞ The Cat a Mount, Pard, Dromodarie, Dear, The Griffin, Antilope, and Manticore, The Scythian Ounce, and Cretan Minotaur, The beaked Rhinoceros and Porcupine, The Hybris, Hyene, Wolves of Erycine, The Libbard, Bugle, Camel, Elephant, Which of all Beasts they made their Presidant, For unto Him, they ought allegiance to, Their knees were grown so stiff, they could not bow. The Beaver showed how he was in request With all degrees, both with the worst and best: But having found his Wool adulterate, It was not held fit staple for the State. The precious Bezer too would stand for one, And of his stones erect a royal Throne. The Horn'd-Beasts caused their Antlers to be sawn That they might stalk like Lions o'er the lawn. And that they might be held more fit to reign, Each got his curled front and braided maine. These might you see rapt with Promethian heats, To act the parts of Kingly Counterfeats. Nor did these Great ones only thus aspire, There sprung ambition in the Lower choir; All had desire in sovereignty to share, The Squirrel, Weasel, Ferret and the Hare, The wanton Monkey, active Marmosite, The shady Forests dainty Catomite, The Reynald, Pollard, Urchin and Baboon, All held in competition for the Crown. The Dormouse needs would to a Sceptre creep, Though he knew no vocation but sleep. The stone-blind Mole strait left his pioning, And though he saw no Court would act the King. Nay those who differed most from Lion's shape, The skudding Coney, Badger, Ermine, Apo, That in their Lawless Claims they might prevail, Supplied their wants by purchasing a Tail. In this anarchical Seat None but would rule, The Ass would be a King, the Queen a Mule. Nay, what was worst of all, the Lion's Jack, Who from revolting should have kept these back, Left his endeared Master, as if He Resolved with rest to stand for Sovereignty. Unthankful Mongrel! that a Prince so just Should in a Protean puffin place such trust. Nor had he worth to make him look so big, Only sleek skin, and courtly Periwig: A silken-civet-comfit-curtain-Sward, Who with his paws a League contracted had. The Elk likewise with his twice-branched head, As if he had of curtsies surfeited, Disloyal to his Sovereign Liege appeared, By making head with that tumultuous Herd. For that Amphibian temporising Otter, He gave but aim, and showed himself a Nuter. These State-distractions bred so great a rent, The Forest lost her face of government. None of them all did in opinion suit, One needs would sway the Empire absolute; Others more popular, desire to see The Monarchical State brought to Democracy; Aristocratick, None, th' or'e-voted Peers, Feared lest the Rout should have them by the ears. These having sought to force him from his throne, Sticked not to say, his Cave was not his own. Which to redress, and salve those wrongs were done him, The loyal quick-eyed Linx, as did become him, Whose long experience politicly knew By these Events what might e'er long ensue; Hyes to the Unicorn with winged speed, And tells him how the Springs were poisoned; Wishing that these might by his hoof be tried, Which were corrupt and which were purified: For if his Art applied no remedy The Beasts would perish of a Lethargy; Having drunk so of their Lethpan Spring, As they'd forgot they ever had a King. The Unicorn admitting no delay, To-Brooks, Wells, Rivers makes his speedy way: Where having dipped his Horn, He does restore And make those wholesome were corrupt before, Which brought this rare effect; those that were sick Of the Colt's evil, or were Lunatic, Phrentrick, or Epileptic, or had knees They could not bent, a general disease, Or Livergrown, or what Physicians call Contagious or Epidemical, All received speedy cure, and by this water Were quite transformed into an other nature. Thus these Elpenors, who had lost their shapes, And changed their Habits with the Slough of Snakes, For by Circaean Spells they struck such shelves, They neither knew their Sovereign nor themselves, By th' expert Unicorns divinest skill, Were brought to spy and rectify their ill. The loyal Linx unwilling to neglect The issue of so glorious an effect, Which was but in his Embryo, as he thought, Till it to more perfection were brought; Awakes the Lion, tells him roundly how His long indulgence had made this ado; Wished him to show himself, since his retire From State-affayres had caused them to aspire. Distinquish men (said he) He cannot strike With equal hand that guerdons all alike. " None with discretion ever him approved " Who loved where scorned, and scorned where he was loved. Let the Malignant party straight receive What their licentious acts deserved have: These to give foment to their foul disease Threw on your Person such reports as these: " He and his Branches could no comfort be, " Nor merit th' Style of royal Majesty, " That Wicked Council which upon him wait, " Were Agents to procure him all this hate. If such words do not high Allegiance break, It skills not much what saucy Subjects speak. Observe this Maxim then; it will behoove you, For it comes from him whose heart does truly love you: " He, who no difference makes 'twixt friend & foe, " Shall never know well how the world does go. Nay, He shall sure before he see his end, Foster ten foes for one endeared friend. The well-conditioned Lion hearing this, How they abused that Clemency of his, For now so weak were his revenues grown, He had no Laire nor Pasture of his own; Roused himself up, and to the Forest goes T' inflict condign punishment on those Who had usurped a Sovereignty of State; And that He might his Honour vindicate, From th' Elephant unto the silly Mouse All summoned were to his Grand-Session-House. But these State-proselites were all prepared Before such time as they this Summons heard, With a submissive Loyalty to wait, And beg for pardon at the Palace gate. Only the Camel and some five with him For their bunched backs could no way enter in. The rare-compassionate Lion strait appears, Regreets his Subjects both with threats and tears; And that He might with Power and passion woe them He thus imparts his royal mind unto them. O with what freedom (Sirs) could we forgive, If it might stand with our prerogative, Your Wild licentious factions! but since These on our high endeared Honour trench, We must extract some ill-digested blood, " Who spares the ill, he ever spoils the good. Some of you held us such a worthless thing As we deserved not th' Title of a King. We must devested be of Style and Place; Now tell me, Sirs, if ye were in my case Would this admit your pardon? Nought held Ours But was derived from that scrude power of yours. Pasquil's and Libels fixed on every Gate To make us hateful to the eye of th' State. And these things passed with all impunity, As if Pens held their year of Jubilee. Lastly, How They so treacherously stout, From our own purlue kept our presence out. This Clause produced such passion, not an eye Of all those numerous Convertites was dry. The very Crocodile and Hyene seemed Drilling down trickling tears, but they were feigned; For by their private muttering below All might collect this was a painted show; " For who is the (jeer●● they) would not rebel " When such attempts as these fall out so well? " Or who'll not dare t' aspire unto a Crown, " When Treason may be pardoned so soon? Which th' Prince perceiving, how no honest zeal Engaged their Hearts to Prince nor Common weal, But glozing faith, which at such restless times Might breed distractions in malignant minds, And nurse fresh furies; On these and ten more Death was pronounced, and the rest let go, With this advertisement; that if from thence They ever swerved from their allegiance, Or like disloyal Subjects, did not give All freedom to his high prerogative, They should lose Lives, lands, Liberties and State, With Commons curse, times brand, & Prince's hate. This they subscibed to with joint expression, While Vive le Roy closed this High Session. When th'other wags should have their Tales begun, They fell asleep before this Tale was done. Now what this Tell-tale told I dare tell you, " The Tale's a Tale, but th'moral may be true. From NEWARK. I.C. Upon the late Babel Parliament; no less pitifully then penitently Dissolved by the late last Protector, Innocent Dick CROMWELL. Dissolve Grand Synod, while we make your House An Embleam of the Mountain and the Mouse. Much was expected by East, West, South, North, And from your Teeming Birth ne'er less brought forth Long Speeches and small Sense; Those held the best And wisest Senators that spoke the least. One cries up Monarchy; admires a Crown; Another Democratick votes it down. The third Aristocratick; Others be For none of these but Plato's Liberty, Or Oligarchall State.— Some side with time, Can wish a King, but none of Stuarts line; For that concerns their interest, and might fall Heavy, in paying use and Principal To their abused Creditor, whose wrong Transcends th' Expression of a mortal tongue. Thus some would crown a Prince, but when als done They know not well what Head to put it on. Next starts up th' Fifth monarchial, whose pretence Seems to pursue an Argument of Sense: " As Senses in account are Five in number, " State's should be steered neither above nor under. But One replied tartly:" Sir, you might " Account five Pottles that you drunk last night " For our State governors as well as these, " Since you insist on Numbers, if you please. Thus Judgement in distracted ranks appears Till Union through dis-union fell by th' Ears; But it proved Climias and Dametas Fight, They challenged a Privilege of Right, And that composed their Brawl:— So th' Court broke up, For it grew early, and high time to Sup: Since which, when th' Synod higher Matters handles For more refreshing hours, they vote down Candles. Next Morn, when dewy Sleep had cheered their brain, Antaeus-like they entered Lists again; Where with a vast expense of useless words, Their Sole debate was for an House of Lords. Some held it fit this Lordly House should sit, Not to direct but to improve their wit: And like Stars in their Own Horizon fixed, To be with Ancient Peers o'th' Kingdom mixed. But when These heard of Slingsby, Thimble by, With Others of that * See the Eglogue of the Mushroom in Musaeus. Mushroom family, They vowed they never would dishonour bring By Sitting with a Thimble and a Sling, To their Extraction:— yet that Lower Fry Who YEA and NO knew well enough to Cry, That they might make some Act, took Special care, which They performed in th' OPERA; COMMON PRAYER; Both quite suppressed; Small matter of the First, For 'twas contrived to quench a Poet's thirst, A Malagasco knight: The last might be " They knew not what was meant by Liturgy, " Anthems, nor Antiphons':— impute this chance To no Schism then but only Ignorance. But see how weak these Lordlings be! for yet The Opera stand: Drake with his painted Fleet lanceth amain like castles in the Air; Though th' vote hold firm for Stifling Common-Prayer, Which they Stand little need of, as Some say, Having so little leisure yet to Pray. The Cockpit holds up still for all the cost Bestowed on Drakes Fleet and the Savage roast; The Siege of Rhodes too, which presents more Scars Than this Knight felt in all our Wars; Yet fought he with advantage we suppose, Having the French to supersede his Nose. But these be trifles; we must Scratch our pate And mould the Constitution of our state, And by the pencyle of an Artist show Whether these Senators look Blue or no. And now when th' Door's shut up, and all dismissed, Our Consul— Colonels and Learned List Of grave Justinians and Lapwings too, Who never were taught more than Yes and No, And with thin shells on Head, could scare on high, Leaving their Nests before they learned to fly. * This Pasquil was writ before the Prote●●ors si●ple surprise. We poor Plebeians much desire to know Whether we have PROTECTOR yet or no? How th' Navy stands provided? by what ground They steer their Course? what must be done at Sound? When must the Army have th' Arrears discharged? When honest Cavaliers from Tower enlarged? Whether that Fine which is on BARKSTEAD laid, Must be remitted, or expressly paid? And if He has not lately lost his Wits By rendering his Lievetenancy to fits? What posture of State policy? what Hand Whether by mixed ot absolute Command Must govern this distracted Isle? what way, Or in what manner must we learn to pray? What Clavis should inform us in the word (From th' leven of Assemblies bless us Lord;) Whether the Quaker or the Neuter must Lay Presbiteriall Principles in dust? Whether th' Armenian or Socinian shall, If the world change, receive the higher call? Shall not the Swede in his declining Reign Lose our Esteem for all Will Lilies Chain? And falling now upon these dangerous Shelves, Should you by ayding Him, not lose yourselves? Did not your joint approved intelligence Conceive such Pow●r in your preeminence, * This Divination needs no Oedipus, if it were wrapped up in a darker Riddle, Says deluded RICHARD. As to give your Authentic Strength it's due, Th' Protector ought more reverence to you Then you to Him: and in plain terms aver Him no Essential Prince but Titular? Did your vote hold, th' Act of Adultery To be a Crime of that Mortality As it deserved Death?— Dided not appear That this was first enacted out of Fear Rather than Conscience; lest Some Ranter might By your Defects encroach upon your Right? But leaving these; How did your prudent Watch, Seek by prevention to dive●t that Match 'Twixt Spain and France? an Act of Consequence, Which should you frustrate by your providence, It were a grand design, and such a feat, It might procure a Kingdom by Escheat To th' Heir apparent: But both Pates and States Must yield Submission to the will of Fates. " Your Power i'th' House was such, none could withstand it, " But there's an Upper House can countermand it. — BUT They're dissolved; each hies unto his home, Like Bees to Hives without an honeycomb: For how were't possible They should b●ing more Sucking rank poison from the hellebore? " Fury, Distraction, Envy, Discontent " Brought up both Front and Rear i'th' Regiment. Now have we time t' imagine, if you please, The Burgess and his Bride being laid at ease, How they discoursed; wherein She clearly shows Her Native Appetite to foreign News. For Scarcely had he yet employed a Sense, Or Consul, like paid due Benevolence, Which by a quick conception might incline To th' Member of a Parliament in time; Till she encounters her Endymion Hector With this familiar secret Curtain Lecture. " Tell me, my Dear, what may enacted be " Since your Addresses took a leave of me: And pinching him, quoth she, speak to me Slowthing, " What have you done? He snorting answered— Nothing. " What a State-Clod is this!— How sat those Scots " And Irish in your Senate-house?— like Scots. " What a sad Consul's this! Speak, who must pay " The Army their arrears?— whom they obey. " Who may that be; Protector, or the Senate? "— Pray thee no more, I was not there this sennet. " A careful Commonwealths man, trust me; could " Your service to your Country be so cold? " Surely such Members stood in need of Curing: "— So did the HOUSE too, for a dangerous Murrain "— Haddit influence o'er the Consuls: for Some died "— (To their advantage) ere their wits were tried, " A wise dispatch!— But why sat you so long? "— We sat indeed, till we had lost our tongue, "— Our SPEAKER grew infirm, judicious CHUTE; "— How should we then hold out, when He stood mute? "— * CHALLINER CHUTE, LISLEBONE LONG Recorder of LONDON, THOMAS BAMPFIELD Recorder of EXETER. Yet one supplied him, weaker fare though strong "— For CHUTE was pithy, but his Lungs were long; "— But One an other from their Office puts, "— For LISLEBONE LONG grew gangreen'd in his guts: "— And BAMFIELD straight designed for the Chair, "— heavens bless Him from his Predecessors air; "— Lest He sink suddenly into his Tomb, "— As many of our Senators have done. "— Nor skills it much if this Employment wear him, "— Being no flesh, nor fish, nor good red Hearing. " How fares your grave Petition of Advice? "— Quite lost in reputation of the Wise. But for the Court— design, what votes have done it? "— The Irish trousers, and the Scottish bonnet. "— Though since our Protectorians lost that point, "— For their State-noses now are out of joint. " But what Dissolved you? I shall council keep, " Resolve me this, I'll give thee leave to sleep. " Was it th' Protector, or the House of Lords! "— No; but a Regiment of daring swords. "— That did the work; so as, I hold it vain "— For any Member to stand up again "— And there was Reason for't, our sould●●●● say, "— For by this means they may enjoin their pay. Well; by my vote, Men shall no more be sent, Fenceforth let's have a Salic Parliament. For though the Masculine be th' worthier Gender; The Feminine may prove as sound a Member: Then to exclude us, were it not great pity, Since we're held fittest for a Close Committee? Sleep Salic Burgess; couple, coll and kiss, No Burgess Place is either thine or His. Our Session's nurture no such Cubs as you, " New Consuls must bid Westminster adve. The Good old Cause mounts now with Eagle wings, Lopping light Heads off as it did the Kings: And though their Number scarcely make a vote, prynn's prating must not make them change their Note. These two Poems, Entitled, THE LION'S TALE AND THE BRAINS-TRAP PARLIAMENT, Were composed by the pregnanst Fancies and clearest Judgements of our time. FINIS.