Scarronides: OR, Le VIRGILE Travesty. A Mock-Poem. Being the First Book of Virgil's AEneis in English, Burlésque. Non minimum est insignitèr ineptire. PLIN. EP. Imprimatur, Roger L'estrange. LONDON: Printed by E. Cotes for Henry Brome at the Gun in Ivy-lane. 1664. To the READER. THE Reader is desired, for the better comparing of the Latin and English together, to read on forward unto the ensuing Letter of Direction, before he compare the former with the Original. LE VIRGILE TRAVESTY. a ARma virumque cano, I Sing the man, (read it who list, A Trojan, true, as ever pissed) b Trojae qui primus ab oris Italiam, fato profugus, Lavinaque venit Littora Who from Troy Town, by wind & weather To Italy, (and God knows whither) Was packed, and wracked, and lost, and tossed, And bounced from Pillar unto Post. c multum ille & terris jactatus, & alto Long wandered he through thick & thin, Half-rosted now; now wet toth' skin; By Sea and Land; by Day and Night; d Vi Superum,— Forced (as 'tis said) by the God's spite: Although the wiser sort suppose e— saevae memorem Junonis ob iram 'Twas by an old Grudge of Juno's A Murrain curry all Cursed Wives! He needs must go, the Devil drives. f Multa quoque; & bello passus, dum conderet urbem Much suffered he likewise in War, Many dry blows, and many a scar: Many a Rap, and much ado At Quarterstaff, and Cudgels too, Before he could be quiet for 'em: (Pox of all Knaves, for I abhor 'em) But this same Younker at the last, (All Brawls and Squabbles overpast) And all these Rake-hells overcome, g— atque altae moenia Romae. Did build a pretty Grange, called Rome. i Musa mihi causas memora; quo Numine laeso: But oh my Muse! put me in mind, To which o'th' God's was he unkind? k Quidve dolens Regina Deum, Or what, the Plague, did Juno mean, (That cross-grained, peevish, scolding Quean, That scratching, caterwauling Puss,) l tot volvere casus insignem pietate virum, tot adire labores impulerit? To use an Honest Fellow thus? (To curry him like Pelts at Tanners) m tantaene animis coelestibus ira? Have Goddesses no better Manners? n Urbs antiqua suit, Tyrii tenuere Coloni, Carthago A little Town there was of Old, Thatched with good Straw to keep out Cold; Height Carthage, which (if not belied) Was by the Tyrians occupied; o— stuaiis asperima belli; The lustiest Carls all thereabouts, Rich Chuffs, and very sturdy Louts. p Quam Juno fertur terris magis omnibus unam, Now this same Carthage you must know, Juno did love out of all who: There are alive that yet will swear it, No Village like it, no place near it: q Posthabitâ coluisse Samo, Except a place (forsooth) that's famous For her known Birth, a Farm called Samos; Here she her Trinkets kept, and odd things, Her Needles, Poking-sticks, and Bodkins; And here, (in house, which her own key-locks) r hêic illius alma, Hêic currus suit She used to keep her Coach and Peacocks. This place then mainly pleased her humour, s Progeniem sed eaim Trojano à sanguine duci Audierat Tyrias olim quae verteret arces. But she had heard a scurvy Rumour; That Trojans, Armed in Coats of Chamlet, Should one day overthrow her Hamlet: Plunder her Chests, Joynt-stools and Tables, And burn her Cow-houses, and Stables. t Id metuens, She fearful of this sad Prediction, (Which proved a True one, and no Fiction) u Nec dum etiam causae irarum, saeviquae dolores Exciderant animo; manet altâ ment repostum Judicium Paridis, And mindful of her injured Honour, When Paris gave the Apple from her; Did many years bend her devotion, To drown AEneas on the Ocean; And many a slippery trick she played him, Till Jove at last o'er Sea conveyed him, w Tantae molis erat Romanam condere gentem Vix è conspectu Siculae telluris, in altum, Vela dabunt laeti, et spumas salis aere ruebant. (So hard it is, where an old grudge is, To: get out of a woman's Clutches.) AEneas had not been o'th' water Above an hour, or such a matter; Nor further rowed, than we may rate 'Twixt Rarsons-Dock, and Billingsgate, Or say betwixt Dover and Calais, x Cum Juno, aelernum servans sub pecture vulnus, Haec secum: Mene incepto desistere victam? When Juno (full of her old Malice) Thus with herself began to mutter, Cannot I drown these Crows i'th' Gutter? Must they go on fearing no Colours? And cannot I squander their Scullers? Must these same Trojan Rascals nose me, y Quip vetor fatis! Because the Fates (forsooth) oppose me? z Pallasne exurere classem Argivum potuit? Pallas could burn Wherries, and Galleys, And clatter Mortals bones like Tallies: a Ast ego, quae Diuûm incedo Regina, Jovisque Et Soror, & Conjux, unâ cum gente tot annos Bella gero. But I, Jove's Sister, and his Wife, Can do no Mischief for my life. b Talia flammato secum Dea corde volutans, Juno enraged, and fretting thus, c AEoliam venit hêic vasto rex AEolus antro Luctanteis ventos, tempestatesque sonoras Imperio premit, Runs me unto one AEolus: This AEolus, as Stories tell us, Could backward blow like a Smith's bellows; A Day, a Week, a Month together, And by his farting, make foul weather: Blow men, and Trees, and Houses down; Great Ships, and almost Fish's drown. He was, in fine, the loudest of Farters: Yet could command his Hinder-quarters, Correct his Tail, and only blow, If there occasion were, or so: d Sed Pater omnipotens— — regemque dedit, qui soedere certo Et premere, et laxas sciret dare jussus habenas. Whom Jove observing to be so stern In the wise conduct of his Postern, He made him King of all the Puffers, Which he (because he knew them Huffers) Durst no where venture, I must tell ye, But in the Caverns of his Belly: Which having but one Postern Gate For these mad Boys to sally at, He might the faster peg them in, And by the plucking out a Pin, Then (at his ease) Arsing about, To any Quarter let them out. e Ad quem tum Juno supplex his vocibus usa est: To this same King, Queen Juno posted, And thus in flattering Terms accosted. f AEole (namque tibi Divum pater atque hominum Rex Et mulcere dedit fluctus & tollere ventos) Thou mighty King, whose potent sway The Lawless Blust'rers do obey; Whose Nod the stubbornest Winds do dread; (Even although in Scotland bred.) Thou, whose unruly Empire reaches As far as the wide Compass stretches, Hear a poor Queen's Request, and say Thou'lt do't; for I must have no Nay. g Gens inimica mihi Tyrrhenum navigat aequor, Illum in Italiam partans, There are a few Tatter-de-malions That (with a Pox) would be Italians, And into Latium now are going, With Oars, and Skulls, tugging, and rowing A Crew of drunken, roaring Ruffians, Lewd, wand'ring, sturdy Ragamuffins; Rascals, I hate, as I do Garlick, And yet the Rogues are stout, and warlike: h Incute vim ventis, submersasque obrue puppes, Aut age diversas, & disjice corpora ponto. Sunt mihi bis septem praestanti corpore Nymphae: Quarum, quae forma pulcherrima, deiopeiam Connubio jungam stabili, propriamque dicabo: If therefore, thou wilt smoak these Roisters And souse them all, like pickled Oysters, There is a Pretty Maid of Mine, Called Die, shall be thy Concubine. AEolus hearkened to this Story, With no small Pride, no little Glory; To have a Queen, so gay, and trim, Come to request a Boon of him! But th' Wench, i'th' tail of the Preamble, Oh that! That made his Bowels wamble. (And Wind you know (under Correction) Is a main Causer of Erection.) He, listening stood, wriggling, and scraping, But durst not bow, for fear of scaping; Until at last, with Cap in hand Sir, i AEolus haec contra: Tuus ô Regina quid optes Explorare labour; mihi jussa capessere fas est. Tu mihi, quodcunque hoc regni, tu sceptra, Jovemque Concilias. He thus returned his modest Answer. O Queen (quoth he) my thanks are real, That you will use your servant AEol: And should I not pay your Civility, Tothth' utmost of my poor Ability, Who are great Jove's Sister and Wife, It were e'en pity of my Life. I'll play these Rake-hells such a Hunts-up, Shall make them glad to turn their Rumps up. Say you no more, the Thing is done; I'll drown 'em every Mother's Son. But since your Grace is nice of smelling, I wish you were at your own dwelling. There's Reason for't, (saving your favour) For truly (Madam) I shall savour. But I beseech your Grace, in no wise Forget the Woman, that you promise. Juno at that, away does go As swift as Arrow out of Bow, And in less while, than I am speaking, Was got as high, as top of * Mons Salopiensis. Reeking: No bigger now than Schoolboys Kite, And now clean vanished out of sight. AEol, who all this while stood gaping At her fine Peacocks gawdy-trapping, Seeing her Mount Olympus staircase, Began t'untruss to ease his Carcase. Twice belched he loud from Lungs of Leather, To call his roaring Troops together: And twice (as who should say we come) They roared i'th' concave of his womb: k Hac ubi dicta cavum conversa cuspide montem Impulit in latus, ac venti, velut agmine facto, Qua data porta ruunt, & terras turbine perflant. Incubuere mari, totumque à sedibus imis. With that he turns his Buttock seaward, And with a Gibing kind of Nay-word; Quoth he, Blind Harpers have among ye; 'Tis Ten to one but I bedung ye. At that same word, lifting one leg, And pulling out his trusty peg; l Una Eurusque Notusque ruunt, creberque procellis Africus, & vastos volvunt ad littora fluctus. Insequitur elamorque virûm stridorque rudentum. Eripiunt subito nubes, coelumque diemque Teucrorum ex oculis, ponto nox incubat atra. Intonuere poli, & crebris micat ignibus aether, Praesentemque viris intent at omnia mortem. He let at once his General Muster Of all that ere could blow, or bluster; And (like a Coxcomb) in his Tuell Left not one puff to cool his Gruel, Have you not seen below the Sphere A mortal drink called Bottle-Bear How, by the Tapster when the Stopple Is ravished from the teeming Bottle, It bounces, foams, and froths, and flitters, As it were troubled with the squitters? Even so, when AEol plucked the plugg From th' Muzzle of his double Jugg, The Winds burst out with such a rattle, As he had broke the strings that twattle. Bounce cries the Porthole, out they fly And make the World dance Barnaby; Throughout the Seas, and Coasts they wander; One Boreas was their Chief Commander; A huffing Jack, a plundering Tearer, A vapouring Scab, and a great Swearer. This Fellow, and his boisterous Rout, Finds Me ' o'th' Sea, the Trojans out. AEneas; and his Wand'ring Mates Were, at that time, angling for Sprats; Thinking no harm, no more than we do, (For all was fine, and fair to see too) When all ' o'th' sudden; who would think it! (By this good drink, I mean to drink it)! It grew so dark, that wanting light, They could not feel the Fishes by't; And straight ere one could say, What's This? The winds began to howl and hiss, And in the turning of a hand Sir They grew so big, one could not stand Sir. Then followed Rain, Lightning, and Thunder, As the whole world would fly asunder. AEneas, hearing the winds threatening, And * By the Lightning seeing Monstrous Billows beating, Knowing they purposed to dispatch him, And that the Haddocks watched to catch him, m Ex templo AEneae solvuntur frigore membra: Presently fell in a cold sweat, So sick he could not drink nor eat, 'Twas all the World to Twenty Pound, He had not fallen into a swound: But by Jove's favour being blest, With Guts in's head above the rest, Like to a cunning Chapman, He Made Virtue of Necessity; And in the midst of all Despayrs, Thought it his best to fall to prayers; n Ingemit, et duplices tendens ad sidera palmas Talia voce refert: With woeful heart, and blubbered eyes, Lifting his Mutton-fists toth' skies, He therefore prayed, O Jupiter, Either hear now, or never hear; Now, now, thy Trusty Trojans cherish, Help now, or never, else we perish. o — o Danâum sortissime gentis Tydeide; Mene Iliacis occumbere campis Non potuisse, tuâque animam hanc effundere dextrâ: Saevus ubi AEacidae telo jacet Hecto, Could not Tydides', at Troy Town Should he be hanged, once knock me down? Nor yet the Merry Greek Achilles, When he killed lusty Hector, kill These? And must we now be sent for Dishes, To Sharks, and such like Greedy Fictes? p Talia jactanti, Thus went he on with his Orisons, Which if you mark them well were wise ones, Now praying, now expostulating, But he might even have held his prating, For Jove if he had been more near him, The noise was such, could no ways hear him. q stridens Aquilone procella Velum adversa ferit, fluctusque ad sidera tollit. Franguntur remi: tum prora avertit, & undis Vat latus The winds grew louder still and louder, And played their Gambols with a Powder; Then, then indeed began the pother, Here an Oar broke, and there a Rudder, Here a Boat kicking on the Surges, And there one sinking in a Gurges. r Tres, Notus abreptas in saxa latentia torquet Three Boats a Wind, called Notus russe●… Upon a paltry bed of Mussels, s — tres, Eurus ab alto In Brevia, & Syrteis urget, (miserabile visu) And three did roaring Eurus dabble ye, In Quicksand depth most lamentably. t Unam, quae Lycios, fidumque vehebat Orontem, Ipsius ante oculos, ingens a vertice pontus In puppim serit. Excutitur, pronusque Magister Volvitur in caput. Ast illam ter fluctus ibidem Torquet agens circum, & rapidus vorat aequore vortex. One Wherry that the Lycians carried, And one Orontes never married; Was just about the time of Dinner, O'erwhelmed, and all the men within her. Orontes, though he was confounded, Yet very loath to be thus drownded; Did all he could, with might and main, To have swom back to Land again. His skill he to the trial puts, But could not do it for his Guts: And therefore was soused up for Codfish; (I doubt he proved but very odd-fish) u Apparent rari nantes in gurgite vasto, Arma virum, tabulaeque, et Troja gaza per undas. Now might you see the Trojans triming Upon the foaming Billows swimming: Sculls, Oars, and Stretchers with their Benches, Floating amongst the Rowling Trenches; Hats, Caps, and Cassocks, Bands and Ruffs, (Indeed I think, they wore no Cuffs) Balk-staves, and Cudgels, Pikes & Truncheons, Brown-bread & cheese that swum by luncheons With Treasure past all Mortals matching, That any man might have for fetching. w Interea magno misceri murmure Pontum, Emissamque Hiemem sensit Neptuws, et imis Stagna refusa vadis. In the mean time, this hurly-burly, That still increased more loud and surly, Roused Neptune with the strange Commotion, Who lived i'th' bottom of the Ocean. This Neptune was of old, a Fisher, And to AEneas a wellwisher: 'Cause on a time, Venus, that bore him, Spoke a good word to her Father for him; And made him for his good Conditions King over all his Pools, and Fishponds. This Blade, when first he heard the Sea ring, Was pickling, Pilchards, Sprats, and Herring, But at the noise he throws his Trey, Fishes, and Salt, and all away. And taking up his three-forkt Trout-spear, x — graviter commotus, et alto Prospiciens, summâ placidum caput extulit undâ. Disiectam AEneae toto videt aequore Classem: Fluctibus oppressos Troas, coelique ruinâ. Nec latuere doli sratrem Junonis, & irae. hay, hay (quoth he) what a brave rout's here! Under his Arms he had two Bladders, By which he mounted without Ladders, And thrusting's head above the Water, Says, What a Vengeance ho's the matter? Then seeing round how things were varied, And how the Trojans had miscarried; He straight began to smell a Rat, And soon peeceived what they'd be at: For he knew all Juno's contriving, And spite as well as any living. Have you not seen upon a River A Water-dog, that is a diver, Bring out his Mallard, and estsoons Be-shake his shaggy Pantaloons? So Neptune when he first appears, Shakes the salt Liquor from his ears, And made the winds themselves to doubt him, He threw the water so about him: Vexed at the Plucks to see this clutter, He scarce could speak, but spurt and sputter; y Eurum ad se Zephyrumque vocat, dehinc talia fatur. Tantane vos generis tenuit fiducia vestri? Jam coelum Terramque meo sine Numine Venti Miscere, & tantas audetis tollere moles? Quos ego:— sed motos proestat componere Fluctus; Post mihi non simili poena commissa luetis. Till beckoning Zephyrus, and Eurus, He thus began in language furious. How durst you Rogues take the opinion To vapour here in my Dominion, Without my leave, and make a lurry, That men cannot be quiet for ye, Rascals I shall! But well! go too, I now have something else to do: If ere again I catch you creaking, 'Tis odds I spoil your Bagpipes squeaking. z Maturate Fugam, Regique haec dicite vestro: Non illi Imperium pelagi— And Sirrah, you there: goodman * Speaking to Boreas himself. Blaster, Go tell that farting fool your Master, That such a whistling scab as he, Was ne'er cut out to rule the Sea; a Sed mihi sorte datum. Tenet ille immania saxa, Vestras Eure domos. Illâ se jactet in. Aulâ AEolus, & clauso ventorum carcere regnet. But that it to my Empire fell; Bid him go vapour in his Cell. There let him puff and domineer, But make no more such folsting here: And for what's past, (if my aim miss not) I'll teach him fizzle in my Pisspot. b Sic ait, & dicto citius tumida aequora placat, Scarce had he bubled out his sentence But that they fled to show repentance, And he that erst had made a din most, Now, cried the Devil take the hindmost. Even as a flock of Geese do slutter, When crafty Reynard comes to Supper. So nimbly flew away these Scoundrels, Glad they had scaped, & saved their Poundrels. c Collectasque fugat nubes, solemque reducit Cymothoe simul & Triton adnixus acuto Detrudunt naveis scopulo; levat ipse Tridenti. Et vastas aperit Syrteis, & temperate aequor Now all was fair again and frolic, The Sea no more troubled with Colic, The Sun shone bright as on a May-day; Had there been grass, one might have made hay, But yet some Boats stuck on the Flatts, Their men all dashed like Water-Ratts; Neptune at that his speed redoubles, To ease them of their peck of Troubles: He thrust his Muck-fork in two faddom, Betwixt the Boats, and that that stayed 'em, And lifted them shire off, as clever As he had had a Crow or Leaver; Now Sirs (quoth he) you may go forward, And row East, West, or South, or Norward, If the Rogues come again, I'll swill 'em I love a Dog that comes from Ilium, And you AEneas, and your men, If ere you come this way again, I hope you'll call, or ist be sorry, I'll have a Dish of Lobsters for ye: AEneas who was gentle-hearted, Scraped him a leg, and so they parted. They take their Sculls again and ply 'em, Hanging their Jerkins out to dry nm: Away they cut as swift as Swallows, Ploughing the Sea as men do Fallows; Till ere a man could well tell Ten, Or go toth' door, and back again, d — Quae proxima littora cursu Contendunt petere. They all as plainly saw the t'other Side, as we now see one another: Then there old tugging was and pulling, Never such plying, and such sculling, They whooped and sung gladder and gladder, I think March-hares were never madder. At last, all dangers notwithstanding, e Est in secessu longo locus; Insula portum Efficit objectu laterum, quibus omnis ab alto Frangitur, inque siaus scindit sese unda reductos. They came unto a Place of Landing; A pair of stayrs they found, not big stairs; Just such another pair as Trigg-stairs: Not made for Watermens, but Women, That use to come, and wash their Linen: There was old striving then, and thrusting Which with their Sculler should get first in. Sirs (quoth AEneas) show some breeding, Let's have no more haste than good speeding, Have patience Gentles, I implore ye, And let your betters go before ye. With that they all gave place, and reason, It else had been no less than Treason: f — AEneas collectis navibus omni Ex numero subit; ac magno telluris amore Egressi optatâ Troes potiuntur arenâ. Et sale tabentes artus in littore ponunt. Whilst our AEneas at two leapings, Set the first foot upon the step; Then all the Rest came in a bundle As they would burst each others Trundle: Weary they were, the wind had douc'tum, And so they sat 'em down, and loused 'em. g Ac primum Silici scintillam excudit Achates Suscepitque ignem soliis, atque arida circum Nutrimenta dedit, rapuitque in fomite flammàm. Tum Cererem, corruptam undis, Cerealiaque arma Expediunt, sessi rerum, fragesque receptas Et torrere parant flammis, & frangere saxon. After a while, a fellow knocks Fire with a Steel, and Tinderbox. For each man had his Flint and Touchwood, The World besides could show no such wood; Then sticks they gather, leaves and Briers, And fall a making them good fires, Then Skellets, Pans, and Posnets put on To make them Porridge without Mutton. h AEneas scopulum interea conscendit, & omnem Prospectum late pelago petit. In the mean time AEneas got him Up to a Hill, to look about him, And as he there a while stood gazing, i — tres littore cervos Prospicit Errantes He saw some sheep below him grazing, k Constitit hic, Arcumque; manu, celerisque sagittas Corripuit. Oh ho (quoth he) I'll soon be wy'ye, Be sworn I'm glad at heart to see ye. This said, away my youth does go, And fetches strait a good Yew-Bow, His Arrows under's belt he sticks too, (For he could shoot at Butts, and Pricks too) His head he put a good steel Cap on, Because he knew not what might happen: And thus as if he went to battle, He goes to murder poor men's Cattle. l Ductoresque ipsos, primum capita alta ferentes Cornibus arboreis sternit His Arrow in the string he nocks, And shoots among the harmless Flocks, These proved by chance to be the fairest, But he still shot at that was nearest. m Nec prius absistit, quam septem ingentia victor Corpora fundit humi. Seven Lordly Tups he wounded mortal, The other shots he made were short all: These to his hungry Mates he lurryes, (Pray what's his due, that Mutton worries?) n— Et socios partitur in omnes. Here lads (quoth he) here's sides, & haunches, Fall too, and fill your empty paunches. Scarce had he made an end of boasting, o Pars in srusta secant, virubusque trementia figunt: Littore ahena locant alii, flammasque ministant. But some to boiling fell, some roasting; 'Twas soon enough, and too't they fall, They eat up Mutton, guts and all, Yet scarce could satisfy their hungers, These Trojans were such Mutton mongers. p Vina bonus quae deinde cadis onerarat Acestes Littore Trinacrio, dederatque abeuntibus Heros, Dividit, & dictis maerentia pectora mulcet. There was by chance a stoop of Liquor, Corked up in Bottles made of Wicker, Given by mine Hostess, I conceive, When first AEneas took his leave, This Drink (to make their feast the fuller) AEneas fetched out of his Sculler, And like a man had something in him, Gave it as free as ere 'twas gi'n him; Himself a Dish, he first poured out, For fear it would not go about; Then stroking up his Whiskers greasy, He thus begins, in Words most easy. q O socii, (neque enim ignari sumus ante malorum) O passi graviora. Da it Deus his quaque finem: Vos et Scyllaeam rabiem, peaitusque sonates Accestis scopulos; vos & Cyclopea saxa experti. Here Lads, have at ye, and be merry, weare got at last, safe o'er the Ferry; And though w'ave had but angry wark, yet Let's make the best of a bad market: To day let's drink, and hang to morrow, A grain of mirth's worth pounds of sorrow; r Revocate animos, moestumque timorem mittite; forsan & haec olim meminisse juvabit. Per varios casus, per tot discrimina rerum tendimus in Latium, sedes ubi sata quietas ostendunt. Be blithe and jolly then, as may be, Faint heart you know ne'er won fair Lady: What though a while we fare but hardly, Yet in the end does our reward lie: We shall have Houses, Lands, and Doxies, With dainty patches, where no Pox is: And then all this, that seems t'undo us, Will be but sport, and pastime to us. s Talia voce refert, curisque ingentibus ager Spem vultu simulat: premit altum corde dolorem. Thus did this subtle Fornicator Set a good Face on a bad matter; As who would make 'em understand How pretty a fellow he was on's hand; When I (for all's brave n'alls) must tell ye, His Heart then panted in his Belly. t Implentur veteris Bacchi, pinguisque ferinae. Down glides his Ale over his palate, As glib as 't had been Oil of Salad; And all the rest in their due order Quaffed 'till their Drink would go no further. u Postquam exempta fames, epulis mensaque remota, Amissos longo socios sermone requirunt. Now having spent their drink & victuals, They rise, and wipe their greasy Thwittles, And streaking then began to mind 'em, Of those were left at sea behind 'em: With that, AEneas made a motion To climb the Hills, and look on th' Ocean, If from the Cliffs, and Promontories They might espy their fellow Tories; At that they went, some this, some that way, Some went not far, and some a great way, Some whoopt, some hallowed, & some shouted, x Spemque metumque inter dubii, seu vivere credant, Sive extrema pati; Some thought'um fafe, and others doubted, Some laid their ears to ground in cunning, To list if they could hear 'em coming; But all in vain, for none could spy 'em, They feared their friends, when none were nie'um At last by General Approbation, They laid 'em down, as was the fashion, And slept, being tired, with pains and feasting, When Belly's full, Bones would be resting. Asleep they lie snorting and snoring, With such a noise, as made the shore ring, Or such a din as Dogs do utter, When they by night together clutter; Snarling and swearing in lewd fashion For Bitch of evil conversation: y — Cum Jupiter aethere summo Despiciens mare velivolum terrasque jacentes Littoraque— When Jove, who was belike at leisure, (Walking or for his health, or pleasure) Looking about on every side him, z et Lybiae defixit lumina Regnis. O'th' Lybian Coasts at last espied them, And said in merry kind of Japing, Indeed Sirs have I ta'en you napping. Scarce had he spoke, when all o'th' sudden, Whilst he was on the Trojans studd'ing, Who should come there to do her duty, But Venus, that was Queen of Beauty! * See Servius upon Virgil. This Venus without counterfeiting, Was a fine Lass on's own begetting, Thou ne'er saw'st prettyer in thy life, Although he had her not by's Wife, But by a Fish-wench he was kind to, And so she came in at the Window: Now Venus was AEneas ' Mother, And him she had by such another Roister as Jove was, when on Groundsell He and her Mother met in Council, In the behalf then of her byblow, Which had endured many a dry-blow, a Atque illum tales jactantem pectore curas Tristior, & laobrymis oculos suffusa nitentes Alloquitur Venus. She weeping came, sighing, and throbbing, And hardly could she speak for sobbing: Until at last, with a fine Linen Wrought round with blue of her own spinning Wiping her face with Tears, and snivel, She thus began in words most civil. b — O qui res hominumque Deumque Eternis regis Imperiis, & fulmine terres. O thou, of. Gods, and men, the King, That canst do any kind of thing; That past their wits dost Mortals frighten, When thou or thunder dost, or lighten, What could AEneas do to thee! Who carest a fart for no body; c Quid Troes potuere? quibus tot funera passis. cunctus ob Italiam terrarum clauditur Orbis? Or thy poor Trojans what have they done, That thus they still must Fools be made on, And that thou wilt for no persuasions Let them go follow their occasions? d Certe hinc Romanos olim, volventibus annis, Hinc sore ductores, revocato a sanguine Teucri. Qui mare, qui terras, omni ditione tenerent Pollicitus. Quae te Genitor sententia vertit? I'm sure you promised me, and swore it, (E'ven let who can forgive you for it) That you would make'um, This, and That, Kings, Captains, and I know not what, And that out of your Bounteous Giving, They should have all both Lands, and Livings, And all live well in Italy; But I perceive 'twas all a lie. e Olli subridens hominum sator atque Deorum. jove, (stroking up his great Mustachoes) Smiled for to see her so out-rageous, (For had she broke a Pot, or Platter, He could not well be angry at her, He loved her so, and 'tis so common, Either in Man, or else in Woman; Their Bastards they will clip, and kiss ye More dearly than their lawful Issue,) f Vultu quo Coelum, Tempestatesque serenat Oscula libavit Gnatae; dehinc talia fatur. Jove looking then most sweetly at her, For she had made his Mouth to water) Took Venus by the Chin, and gave her, A Kiss of no unwelcome savour. g Parce metu Cytherea, manent immota tuorum Fata tibi. Cernes urbem, & promissa Lavini Moenia, sublimemque feres ad sydera coeli Magnanimum AEneam. My pretty Wench (quoth he) ay prithee, Let 's have no more such puling with thee: All shall be well enough, ne'er fear it, And by my Beard once more I swear it: Thy Son AEneas thou dost doubt so, Which makes thee whimper, cry, and pout so, Shall be a King, or Prince at least; I speak in earnest, not in jest. With that he whistled out most mainly, You might have heard his Fist as plainly From one side of the Sky to th' tother, As you and I hear one another. Thrice whistled he when by and by, Out came his Footboy Mercury, And asked him without more ado, What 'twas he whistled for, and who? This Merc'ry you must understand Sir Had formerly been a Rope-Dancer: A nimble Rascal, and a Dapper, Full deftly could he cut a Caper, * See Plaut. in Amphytr. Dance, run, and leap, frisk, and curvett, Tumble, and do the Somerset: And fly with Artificial Wings Tied to his head, and heels, with strings: 'Twas he first taught to fly i'th' Air, As we have seen at Bartle-Faire; A nimble witty Knave, I warrant, And one that well could say his Errand; An excellent servant (in plain-dealing) But that he was inclined to stealing. h Haec ait, & Majâ genitum demittit ab alto, ●…t terrae, utque novae pateant Carthaginis arces Hospitio Teucris, ne fati ne scia Dido Finibus arceret. Volat ille per aëra magnum Remigio Alarm, & Lybiae citus adstitit oris Sirrah (quoth Jove) go take your Pumps, And hast to Carthage, stir your stumps; And as thou art a cunning Prater, Play me the fine Insinuator. Dido and all her Carthaginians Possess throughout with kind opinions Of the poor Trojans, lest Queen Dido Not knowing Things so well as I do, Should show 'em all a Trick of Passe-pass, And chance t'indict them for a Trespass. Away he flies sans further speech, As he had had a Squib in's breech; And suddenly without discerning i — Ponuntque ferocia Poeni Corda, volente Deo; inprimis Regina quietum Accipit in Teucros animum, mentemque benignam. Set all the Trojans Bowels yerning. Dido for her part swore a Trojan Should do the Feat for her, or no man. Mean while the Trojans slept at ease, Unless sometimes bit by white Fleas, Their soft Repose in quiet taking, k At pius AEneas, per noctem plurima volens, Ut primùm lux alma data est,— Only AEneas he was waking, Who whilst the night was dark and o'ercast, Like one that had an excellent forecast, Lay thinking now his Guts grew limber, How they might get more Belly-Timber; No sooner the first Light came creeping, But that he cried, Ah fool! art peeping? And up he starts, to go a stealing, Either a Mutt'ning, or a Vealing, And yet he thought being a stranger, To go alone might be some danger; l — ipse uno graditur comitatus Achate Bina manu lato crispans hastilia ferro. Therefore he deemed it not amiss To call a Trusty friend of his; And that he might go on the bolder, He laid a Two-hand Bat on's shoulder. Thus going then abroad for food, m Cui mater mediâ sese tulit obvia siluâ. Virgins os habitumque gerens. He meets his Mother in a Wood; So smug she was, and so arrayed, He took his Mother for a Maid: A great mistake in her, whose Bum So oft had been God Mars his Drum: Full oft when Smug was blowing bellows, Would she be trucking with good Fellows; And let herself be chucked as tamely, As if therein, there did no blame lie, By Mars, and many a one beside, Or else she foully is belied. n — Heus, inquit, juvenes, monstrate mearum Vidistis siquam hîc errantem fortè sororum, Succinctam pharetra, & maculosae tegmine lyncis, Aut spumantis apri cursum clamore prementem. Well met (young man) quoth Venus kindly, As you came through the Woods behind ye, Pray did you not for all your haste, note A Lass in Petticoat and Waistcoat; With such a Pelt as mine thrown o'er her, Driving a Sow, and Pigs before her? o — Venetis contrà sic filius orsus: Nulla tuarum audita mihi, neque visa sororum. O quam te memorem virgo? námque haud tibi vultus Mortalis, nec vox hominam sonat: o dea certè. No truly, (quoth AEneas mild) I saw nor Man, Woman, nor Child; Yet though I say't, had I been nigh her, I could as soon as others spy her: But who art thou, that speakest so shrill, As if thy words came through a Quill? Thou art of gentle Kindred surely, Thou look'st and speakest so demurely: p An Phoebi soror, an Nympharum sanguinis una, Therefore good M ris. or good Lady, I do beseech you, if it may be, To put us out of fear of Dangers, q — quo sub coelo tandem, quibus orbis in oris Jactemur doceas— Tell's where we are for we are strangers. r Tum Venus: Haud equidem tali me dignor honore. Venus, at that, wriggling and mumping, Cries, pray young man, leave off your frumping For until now I've met with no man, ere took me for a Gentlewoman: She that I ask for, is my Sister; I wonder how the Pox you missed her! We were this morning sent in haste To fetch a Sow that lies at Mast. s Punica regna vides, Tyrios, & Agenoris urbem. Your Town was built by one Agenor; The Land's so good, it needs no Meanor; t Imperium Dido Tyria regit urbe profecta, One Dido now is Queen on't, who, Run hither a good while ago: She is a Queen of Gentle-bearing, Whose story will be worth the hearing: u — longa est injuria, longae ambages, sed summa sequar fastigia rerum But should I tell it all outright, I think 'twould last a Winter's night. x Huic Conjux Sichaeus erat, ditissimus agri Therefore in short, this same Queen Dido, Who now, alas! is left a Widow, Had one Sichaeus to her Honey, A wealthy man in Land, and Money; y — Ille Sichaeum Impius ante arras, atque auri caecus amore, Clam ferro incautum superat— Whom one Pygmalion, unawares Killed, as he was saying on's Prayers; Only for Lucre of his Pelf, Which he had thought t' have had himself; z — aegram (Multa malus simulans) vana spe lusit amantem. And fobbed Queen Dido off, some season, (Who cried, and blubbered out of Reason) By telling her a Flim-flam prattle, That he was gone to buy some Cattle: But on a time, as without doubt Murder at some odd time will out, One night as she did sleep, and snore, As she had never slept before, a Ipsa sed in somnis inhumati venit imago Coniugis, ora modis attollens pallido miris: Into her Chamber, doors unlocking, Comes me her Husband without knocking; A Link he in his hand did brandish, His face was Paler, than your band is: Near her he came, and would have kissed her, At which she well nigh had bepissed her; But being a Ghost of civil fashion, He gave her Words of Consolation. Quoth he, I murdered am, my Jewel, By ways most barbarous and cruel: And for to show I tell no Fibbs, b — trajectáque pectora ferro Nudavit:— Look what a hole here's in my Ribs: And if thou stayest, that Rogue Pygmalion Intends to use thee like a Stallion: c Tum celerare fugam patriáque excedere suadet, Auxiliumque viae, veteres tellure recludit Thesauros, ignotum argenti pondus & auri. Therefore be gone, thou and thy Meany, But leave the Rascal ne'er a penny, To bless himself, it lies each farthing, In an old Butter-pot i'th' Guarding. d His commota fugam, Dido, sociósque parabat: Coveniunt, quibus aut odium crudele tyranni, Aut metus acer erat: naves quae fortè paratae, Corripiunt, over antque auro: portantur avari Pygmalionis opes pelago: dux foemina sacti. Dido, at this, rises up early, And with her servants very fairly, Not caring for Pygmalion's Curses, Steals all his Money-Baggs, and Purses; And in a Boat prepared o'th' nonce, Shipped all his Goods away at once, And got off safe, whilst all this Gear, Was ordered by a Wastcoteer. e Devenere locos, ubi nunc ingentia cernes Moenia, surgentémque novae Carthaginis arcem: Mercatique solum, facti de nomine Byrsam, Taurino quant 'em possent circundare tergo. At last she came with all her People, To yonder Town with the Spire-steeple, And bought as much good feeding ground for Five Marks as some would give five pound for; Where now she lives a huswife wary, Has her ground stocked, and keeps a Dairy: f Sed vos qui tandem? quibus aut venistis ab oris? Quóve tenetis iter?—. And now young man, I pray ye show me Whence do you come, or whither go ye? g — Quaerenti, talibus ille Suspirans, imoque trahens à pectore vocem: O dea, si prima repetens ab origine pergam, Et vacet annalis nostrorum audire laborum: Ante diem clauso componet vesper olympo. This being said, our lusty Swabber Groaned like a woman in her Labour, And looking ruefully upon her, Oh! Dame (quoth he) brim full of Honour, Should I begin my story spinning, From the first end, toth' last Beginning, I doubt to finish we should miss time, For it would last till t'morrow this time. h Nos Troja antiqua (si vestras fortè per aures Trojae nomen iit— We Trojans are of Troy-Town Race, (If e'er: you heard of such a place.) i Sum pius AEneas, raptos qui ex hoste penates Class veho mecum,— And I th' AEneas famed in Battle, But more adored for Tail, and Twattle. Who bring along our Countrey-Gods, A company of smoky Toads, Catcht out o'th' fire, from the Greek, When all the Town was of a Reek; And can derive my pedigree, (Although I say't) with any He, That is perhaps fuller of Pride, Especially by th' Mother's side. Did my Fame never, hither come? I'm talked of far, and near at home; To tell you truly as a friend, k Italiam quaero, patriam, & genus ab Jove summo. For Italy we did intend, And put to Sea in paltry weather l Bis denis Phrygium conscendi navibus aequor, Matre dea monstrante viam, data fata secutus: Vix septem convulsae undis, Euróque super surt. With twenty pair of Oars together: Of which there hardly are left seven, Which put into the shore last Even. m — Nec plur a quer ontem Passa Venus medio sic interfata dolore est Venus' the while AEneas eyeing, And seeing he could scarce hold crying; Thus cut him off in courteous fashion, I'th' midst on's pitiful Rolation: n Quisquis es, haud (credo) inulsus coelestibus, auras. Vitales carpis, Tyriam qui adveneris urbem. Who e'er thou art, take heart I say, Rome can't be built all on a Day; And though ye have suffered some dysasters; Yet let me tell you this, my Masters, 'Tis a good sign that those Gods love ye, For all your haste, that hither drove ye: You might have walked your Pumps apieces, E'er light on such a Place as this is. o Perge modò, atque hinc te regina ad limina perfer. Go me to th' Queen now out of hand, And show her how your matters stand; She'll make you welcome for her part; She loves tall fellows in her heart: p Námque tibi reduces socios, classémque relatam Nuntio— There, on my honest word, you'll meet Your lost Companions, I foresee't; And have all things that you would wish, q Nifrustra augurium vani docuere parents. Or surely I was taught amiss: (And I a Father had, could make For time of need an Almanac,) Cheer up your hearts, your spirits rally, And ne'er stand fooling, shall I, shall I, But budge, jog on, bestir your Toes, r Perge modò, & qua te ducit via, dirige gressum. There lies your way, follow your Nose. s Dixit: & avertens rosea cervice refulsit: Ambrosiaeq: comae divinum vertice odorem Spiravere: pedes vestis defluxit 〈◊〉: Et vera incessu patuit dea, ille ubi matrem Agnovit, tali sugientem est voce sequutus. With that she turned to go away, And did her freckled Neck display; By which, and by a certain whiff Came from her Armpits, or her Cliff, And a fine hobble in her pace, AEneas knew his Mother's grace: t Quid natum toties crudelis tu quoque falsis Ludis imaginibus? cur dextrae jungere dextram Non datur, ac veras audire, & reddere voces? Mother (quoth he) why dost thou run thus, And with thy Mumming cheat thy Son thus? Why may we not shake one another By th'hand, and talk like Son and Mother? Oh think upon our woeful Cases, Whilst thus we wander in strange Places! u At Venus obscuro gradientes aëre sepsit Et multo nebulae circum dea fudit amictu: Cernere ne quis eos, new quis contingere posset, Molirive moram,— But she was gone, for when she list, She foist away could in a Mist; Nor could she tarry, to say truly, For she had made a promise newly, To meet a friend of hers to dally, x Ipsa Paphum sublimis abit,— In a blind street they call Ram-Ally: AEneas then began to find, That there was something in the wind, And said, my Mother's a mad-shaver, No man alive knows where to have her; But I'd as live as half a Crown We two could walk so into th' Town. Venus heard what he said, for she Could hear, as far as we can see; And in a moment to befriend 'em, Two Cloaks invisible did lend 'um. Thus cloaked their Knavery to shelter, y Corripuere viam interea, qua semita monstrat: Jámque ascendebant collem, qui plurimus urbi Imminet adversasque aspectat desuper arces. Away they trudge it helter skelter, Until AEneas, and his friend, Safely arrived at the Towns-end. z Miratur molem AEneas, magalia quondam: AEneas stared about and wondered, To see of Houses a whole Hundred; But when he saw the Folks were there, He thought it had been Carthage fair. a Instant ardentes Tyrii: pars, ducere muros Molirique arcem, & manibus subvolvere saxa: Pars, aptare locum tecto, & concludere sulco. The Town was full, all in a pother, Some doing one thing, some another; Some digging were, some making Mortar, Some hewing stones, and such a Quarter; For they were all, as story tells, Building or doing something else; b Qualis apes aestate nova per florea rura Exercet sub sole labour,— And to be short, all that he sees, Were working busily as Bees. c Lucus in urbe fuit media, laetissimus umbra: I'th' middle of the Town there stood, A goodly Elm o'ergrown with Wood; And under that were Stocks most duly, To lock them fast that were unruly: There sat they down to ease their travel, Picking their sweaty Toes from gravel, And looked about as they lay lurking, d Infert se septus nebula (mirabile dictu) Per medios, miscétque viris, neque cernitur ulli. To see the busy Tyrians working: But none could see them for their spell, They were so hid, they might as well, Though they had been never so nigh 'em, See through a double-dore as spy 'um. Near stood the Church, a pretty Building; Plain as a Pikestaff without Guilding, I cannot liken any to it, Unless't be Pancrage, if you know it. e Hîc templum Junoni ingens Sidonia Dido Condebat— This Church Queen Dido 'tis related Built, and to Juno dedicated, And was beholding unto none; But built it all both stick and stone, At her own proper cost, and charges, No Church i'th' Country near so large is, It was well laid with Lime and Mortar: (For so the Workmen did exhort her.) Because it would be so much stronger, And so you know would last the longer. It had a door peged with a pin, To shut Folks out, or let Folks in, And in a pretty wooden-steeple A Low-Bell hung to call the People. AEneas, and his Friend went thither, Seeing a many Folks together, Whose misty Cloaks, so well did hide 'em, That in they went, and no one spied 'um. f Artificúmque manus inter se, operumque labores Miratur, videt Iliacas ex ordine pugnas, Belláque tam fama totum vulgata per orbem. Atridas, Priamumque, & saevum ambobus Achillem. Constitit, & lachrymans: Quis jam locus (inquit) Achate; Quae regio in terris nostri non plena laboris? But then they wondered to behold The Images so manifold, That staring stood in sundry places, As if they would fly in their faces. Then (quoth AEneas) to's Comrade This Fellow, Master was on's Trade That pictured These; Look, look, as I am An honest man, yonder's our Priam; See where he stands in Silk, and Satin As he would speak both Greek and Latin, Whoop! yonder's Hector too, and Troilus, Look thee, how here the Grecians spoil us; g — videbat, uti bellantes Pergama circum Hac fugerent Graii, premeret Trojana juventus: Hac Phryges', instaret curru tristatus Achilles. And there our Trusty Trojans do Bang them and pay them, quid for quo. Yonder Achilles gives a Rap, With his Cock's feather, in his Cap; And yonder's one, for all's Bravado Knocks him with lusty Bastinado. How came These here t'be pictured thus? Sure all the World has heard of us. h Haec dum Dardanio AEneae miranda videntur, Dam stupet, obtutúque haeret defixus in uno: Regina ad templum forma pulcherrima Dido jacessit, magno juvenum stipante caterva: Whilst thus AEneas sad, and muddy, Stood musing in a dark brown study; In comes Queen Dido, that fair Lady, In Apron white as on a May-day; A crew of Roisters waited on her, Which there were called her men of Honour: All clad in fair Blue-coats, and Badges, To whom Queen Dido paid good Wages. i Qualis in Eurotae ripis, aut per juga Cynthi Exercet Diana choros, quam mille secutae Hinc atque hinc glomerantur Oreades: illa pharetram Fert humero, gradiénsque deas supereminet omnes. Even as a Proper Woman shows When unto Wake, or Fair she goes, Clad in her best Apparel, so, Queen Dido all this time did show, And was so brave a Buxom Lass, That she did all i'th' Town surpass. Into the midst o'th' Church she marches, And there betwixt a pair of Arches, Upon a Stool set for the nonce, She went to rest her Marrowbones, And on a Cushion stuffed with Flocks, She clapped her dainty pair of Docks. k Tum foribus divae, media testudine templi, Septa armis, solióque alt è subnixa resedit. Jura dabat, legésque viris, operúmque laborem Partibus aequabat justis, aut sorte trahebat. There Dido sat in State each day, To hear what any one could say, Some to rebuke, and for to soothe some; And give out Laws, wholesome, or toothsome; To punish such as had Insolence, And make them good Nolens, or Volens: And there likewise each morning-tide, She did the youngman's Tasks divide, Wherein great Policy did lurk, Each knew his Jobbe of Journy-work: And fell about it without Jangling: But that which kept them most from wrangling Was that they still drew cuts to know, Whether they should work hard, or no, And who had th'longest cut, and th'best, Had still more work, than all the rest. l Cum subitò AEneas concursu accedere magno Antea, Sergestúmque videt, fortemque Cloanthum, Teucrorúmque alios: after quos aequore turbo Dispulerat, penitúsque alias advexerat oras. Here whilst AEneas squeezed & thrust is, To see Queen Dido doing Justice: Who should he but his fellows spy? Got into Dido's Company. There Antheus was, (no mortal fiercer) And one Surgestus too, a Mercer, With other Trojans, that would vapour; Cloanthus too the Woollen-Draper: All which, and forty Trojans more, Were wonderfully got to shore. m Obstupuit simul ipse, simul perculsus Achates: At This, AEneas, and his friend Were even almost, at their wit's end; 'Zlid (Jove forgive me, that I swear) Quoth he, how think'st thou came they here? Nay quoth the tother presently, AEneas, what a Pox know I? n Laetitiaque metuque avidi conjungere dextras Ardebant: sed res animos incognita turbat, Dissimulant, & nube cava speculantur amicti, Quae fortuna viris:— AEneas was so glad on's kin, He ready was t'leap out on's skin, And so was t'other, for (in sadness) They were even mad, 'twixt fear, and gladness, And yet it seems, they were so wise, To keep them safe in their disguise; Until their friends, had tried th' Opinions, Of the kindhearted Carthaginians. o Postquam introgressi, & coràm data copia fandi, Maximus Ilioneus placido sic pectore coepit: At last they saw one Ilioneus, A Trojan very Ceremonious; A Youth of very fine Condition, A very pretty Rhetorician; One that could write, and read; and had Been bred at Free-School from a Lad, Thrust up to Dido in good fashion, And thus begins his fine Oration. p O regina, novam cui condere Jupiter urbem, Justitiáque dedit gentes fraenare superbas, Troes te miseri, ventis maria omnia vecti Ora nus, probibe insandos à navibus ignes: Parce pio generi, & propius res aspice nostras. O Queen, who here hast built a Village, And keep'st thy Ground in hearty Tillage: O Thou, who hast the Royal Science, To Govern Men as wild, as Lions, Behold us here, who look like men, New eaten, and spewed up again. So spitefully has fortune crossed us, So woefully the Seas have tossed us. A few poor Trojans here you see, Even as poor, as poor may be; Thrown on this Shore by Wind, and Wether, Ill luck, the Devil and all together; And humbly do beseech your Grace, To pity our most woeful case. Your Men are all in hurly-burly, And look upon us grim, and furly, So that if you be not good to us, They'll burn our Boats, and quite undo us. Therefore we pray you send some one, To bid'um let our Boats alone. q Non nos aut ferro Libycos populare penates Venimus aut raptas ad littora vertere praedas: Non ea vis anima, nec tanta superbia victis. Alas! we come not to purloin, Either your Cattle, or your Coin, Neither to filch Linen, or Woollen: Nor yet to steal away your Pullen; W'have no such knavish ends, as these; But only to beg Bread, and Cheese. r Est locus, (Hesperiam Graii cognomine dicunt) Tera antiqua, potens armis, atque ubere glebae; Oenotrii coluere viri: nunc fama, minores Italiam dixisse, ducis de nomine gentem; Hic cursus fuit.— We were a going to a Place, A hardish kind of Name it has, Where once your what shal'call'ums (rot'um! It makes me mad I have forgot'um) Lived a great while; but now do see, 'Tis known by th' Name of Italy: s cum subitò assurgens nimbosus Orion In vada coeca tulit, penitúsque procacibus Austris, Pérque undas, superante salo, pérque invia saxa Dispulit, huc pauci vestris adnavimus oris: When on a sudden one Orion, Powdered upon us, like a Lion, And squandered us on Flats, and Shelves, Enough to make us drown ourselves: So that of Sixscore men, and deft ones, Even here (O Queen) are all are left on's. t Quod genus hoc hominum? quaeve hunc tam barbara morem Permittit patria?— Then what should ail your Tyrians thus To Scowl, and look askew at us; Or where the Devil were they bred, Sure ranker Clowns ne'er lived by bread; And (for to tell your Grace my thought) I think they're better fed, then taught. For (as I am an honest man Let'um deny it, if they can) u Hospicio prohibemur arenae. Bella cient, primaque vet of't consistere terra. No sooner landed we to bait us; But that the Rogues threw Cow-turds at us; But Queen, I hope, thou'lt teach the Wretches, Henceforth to meddle with their Matches. x Rex erat AEneas nobis: quo justior alter Nec pietate fuit, nec bello major, & armis. Quem si fata virum servant, si vescitur aura AEtherea, nec adhuc crudelibus accubat umbris: Non metus: officio nec te certasse priorem Poeniteat— AEneas once did us command, A taller fellow of his hand, Nor honester, ne'er did, or shall, Draw out a Trapstick to a wall. If he but live, and that already, He be not drowned in some eddy, You of your cost will ne'er repent you, For to a penny he'll content you. y Quassatam ventis liceat subducere classem, Et sylvis aptare trabes, & stringere remos: Si datur Italiam, sociis, & rege recepto, Tendere, ut Italiam laeti, Latiúmque petamus: Look then o'th' Trojans, and befriend'um, Let's draw our Boats ashore, and mend'um. We'll promise you if that we meet, Our Captain with the rest o'th' Fleet, And if he be not turned t'a Gudgeon, We towards Italy will trudge on; z Sin absumpta salus, & te, pater optime Teucrûm, Pontus habet Libyae, nec spes jam restat Iüli: At freto Sycaniae saltem, sedesque paratas, Unde huc advecti, regemque petamus Acestem. And if that he shall still be lacking, Then back again we'll straight be packing. a Tum breviter Dido, vultum demissa profatur: Soluice cord metum Teucri: secludite curas. Res dura, & regni novitas me talia cogunt Moliri— Dido like woman of good fashion, Gave special heed to his Relation; And all the while he did relate it, Mumped like a Bride, that would be at it. At last, when he had told his Tale Mantling like Mare in Martingale She thus replied; Trojans be cherry, Pluck up your Hearts, and rest you merry, Our Towns-folks here are something wary, Not that they any Illwill bear you; For they are very honest Fellows, But that of late a Chance befell us. To tell you true, the other day When all my folks were gone tothth' hay, A lusty Rascal, such a one As one of you (dispraise to none) Comes into th' yard, and off o'th' Hedge, Where all our Clouts, were hung to Bleach; Whips me a bran-new Flaxen-Smock, The very best of all my Stock; And runs away w'it in a Trice: ('T had ne'er been on my back past Twice.) But you I know such baseness scorn, You all are men well bred; and born. a Quis genus Aeneadum, quis Trojae nesciat urbem? Virtutésque, virósque, aut tanti incendia belli? Non obtusa adeò gestamus pectora Poevi: Nec tam adversus equos Tyria sol jungit ab urbe: Who has not heard o'th' Trojan People, And of AEneas, and his Swipple; Nor shall you find us Dames of Tyre, So far removed from Phoebus' fire; But we can cherish lusty Yeomen, And carry Toys like other Women. b Seu vos Hesperiam magnam, Saturniaque arva, Sive Erycis fines, regémque optatis Acestum, Auxilio tutos dimittam, opibúsque juvabo. Therefore you shall, whether you go Strait on to Italy, or no; Or whether you row on the Main, To your own Parish back again, Have what you want; nor will I dun ye, But pay me when you can get money: c Vultis & his mecum pariter considere regnis? terbem quam statuo, vestra est: subducite naves: Tros Tyriùsque mihi nullo discrimine agetur. But if you'll tarry here; This Town, That I now build shall be your own, And be as free, you Trojans shall, As any Tyrian on'um all. A Man's a Man, as I have read, Though he have but a Hose on's Head; d Atque utinam rex ipse Noto compulsus eodem Afforet AEneas:— And I could wish, that the same weather That blew your tattered Scullers hither, Would blow AEneas hither too, And then there were no more to do; e — Per littora certos Limittam, & Libyae lustrare extrema jubebo, Si quibus ejectus sylvis, aut urbibus errat. But I'll send out my Men, who knows But he may now be picking Sloes In our Town-Woods, or getting Nuts, For very need to fill his Guts. f His animum arrecti dictis, & sortis Achates, Et pater AEneas, jam dudum erumpere nubem Ardebunt.— AEneas in his Misty Cloak, Herd every word Queen Dido spoke. Her Hony-words made his Mouth water, And he even twittered to be at her, But he was so o'er joyed, he stood, Like a great Sloven made of Wood; And could not speak (though he were willing) Would one have g'in him Forty shilling. g — Prior AEneam compellat Achates. Nate dea, quae nunc animo sententia surgit? Omnia tuta vides, classemseciósque receptos. Unus abest, medio in fluctu quem vidimus ipse Submersum:— At last his Friend joged him with's hand; How like a Loggerhead you stand, Quoth he, for certainly I think, thou'rt either mad or in thy drink: Dost thou not see our Friends all round, Excepting one, whom we saw drowned; And all as well, as Heart can wish, And yet thou standest as mute as Fish! h Vix ea fatus erat, cum circumsusa repenè Scindit se nubes, & in aethera purgat apertum: Restitit AEneas, claráque in luce refulsit, Scarce had he spoke, but off he threw His Mantle made of Mists so-blew, And stood as plainly to be seen, As any there, God bless the Queen. i Os humerósque Deo similis; námque ipse decoram Caesariem nato genitrix, lun éaque juventae Purpureum, & laetos oculis afflarat honores: For's Mother had so dizened him, That he should show both neat, and trim; Though (truly!) he was but an odd man, (Pa●… Splay-mouthed, Crump-shouldered like the God Yet could he not i'th' nick invent Her Majesty a Compliment; But scratched his Head, and 'gan to sputter, His elbow rubbed, and kept a clutter, Mopping, and mowing, till at last All difficulties overpast, k Tum si reginam alloquitur, cunctisque repentè improvisus ait: Coràm, quem quaeritis adsum Trojus AEneas— In Courtly-Phrase, it thus came out. Madam (quoth he) your humble Trout, That same AEneas whom you prise thus, Is here without Deceptio Visus I that same very man am here, And come to taste of your good Cheer. l O sola insandos Troiae miserata labores: Quae nos, relliquias Danaum terraeq marisque, Omnibus exhaustos jam casibus, omnium egenos, Urbe, domo socias: grates persolvere dignas Non opis est nostrae, Dido: nec quicquid ubique est Gentis Dardaniae, magnum quae sparsa per orbem. Dii tibi (si qua pios respectant numina, si quid Usquam justitiae est, & mens sibi conscia recti) Praemia digna serant;— O Dido Primrose of Perfection, Who only grantest kind Protection To wand'ring Trojans, how shall we, E'er pay Thee, for this Courtesy! We never can my dainty Friend, Then let Jove do't, and there's an end. m — Sic satus, amicum Ilionea petit dextra, laevaque Serestum: Post alios, fortemque Gyan; fortemque Cloanthum. Thus having ended his fine Speech, Towards the Queen he turned his Breech; And spoke to's men, says Lads how ist? Come give me every one a Fist, How dost thou Guy, and Srs. how do ye? Now by my troth, I'm glad to see you, 'Tis better being here I trow, Then where we were a while a go, No longer since, then yesterday; Welcome to Tyre as I may say, With that to shaking hands they fall, And he most friendly shaked them all, Surely he was no Counterfeiter, No Bandog could have shaked 'em better. n Obstupuit primo aspectu Sidonia Dido, Casu deinde viri tanto: & sic ore locuta est: Queen Dido ravished to behold, The Carriage Sweet of this Springold, Stared for a while, as she'd look through him, And then thus broke her mind unto him. o Quis te, nate dea, per tanta pericula casus Insequitur! quae vis immanibus applicat oris! O Thou who'st so finely been bred, And come art such honest kindred, By what strange luck hast thou been hurried As if the Fates would thee have worried 'Tis strange thou hast not burst thy hoops thoust been so banged about the stoops. p Túne. ille AEneas. quem Dardanio Anchisae Alma Venus Phrygii genuit Simoentis ad und am? Art Thou AEneas with great Ware, So famous for a Cudgel-player Whom Venus with her fine devices Bore that old Knocker good Anchises? q Aque equidem Teucrum memini. Sidona venire, Finibus expulsum patriis, nova regna petentem Auxilio Beli:— My Father Belus went with Teucer (I think he had not many Sprucer) To take possession of an Island, That was some Twenty Rood of dryland. r Ipse hostis Teucros insigni laude ferebat: Seque ortum antiqua Teucrorum à stirpe volebat. And he still gave great commendations, Of Trojans 'bove all other Nations; He could have named you all by dozen And told me you, and he were Cousins. s Quare agite, o tectis juvenes succedite nostris Me quoque per multos similis fortuna labores Jactatam, hac demum voluit cotsistere terra. Non ignara mali, miseris succurrere disco. Therefore young Men to Carthage you, Are welcome without more a do. I have myself (I'd have you know) Been driven to my shifts e'er now; And therefore in my Jurisdiction, Pity a Beast, that's in Affliction: t Sic memorat: simul AEneam in regia ducit tecta:— With that she stretched forth a hand, So white, it made AEneas stand. Amazed to see't. (for know that she Still washed her Hands in Chamber-Lee) And led AEneas in kind fashion, Towards her Grace's Habitation; And made a Curtsy at the door, And prayed him to go in before; But he most courteously cried no, I hope I'm better bred then so; But let him say what he say could, Dido swore Faith, and Troth he should; Well (quoth AEneas) I see still, womans, and Fools must have their will; And thereupon, without more talking, Enters before her proudly stalking. Scarce were they got within the doors; But Dido called her Maids all Whores, And a great coil, and scolding kept, Because the House was not clean swept: a Nec minus interia soci is ad littora mittit Viginti tauros, magnorum horrentia centum Terga suum, pingues centum cum matribus agnos: Then all in haste away she sends Victuals unto AEneas friends; Peas-porridge, Bacon, Puddings, Souse; O'th' very best, she had i'th' house; Butter, and Curds, & Cheeses plenty, To fill their Guts, that were full empty; Bidding them eat, and never save it, But call for more, and they should have it. b At domos interior regali splendida luxu Instruitur, mediisque parant convivia tectis. This being done, the dainty Queen Conducts the Trojans further in, Into a Parlour neat she takes 'em, And there most fairly welcome makes 'em: She served 'em drink, and victuals up, As long as they would eat, or sup, Whilst each one there so played the Glutton, That he was forced to unbutton. No sooner had the Trojans bold, Stuffed their Guts full, as they would hold; But that AEneas straight begun, c Omnis in Ascanio chari stat cura parentis. All-to-bethink him of his Son. * See Ser●… upon 〈◊〉. Now you must know, that he had had, A wench, and by that wench, a Lad. The Lass I reason had to name, When (be it spoken to their shame) The Greeks when first they took Troy City, Did thrust to death, without all pity: Of womankind sure as I breathe The first that ever died that death. d AEneas rapidum ad naves praemittit Achatem, Ascanio ferat haec, ipsúmque ad moenia ducat. His Son, Ascanius height, a Page, About some dozen years of age, This Boy, AEneas sent Achates To fetch, quoth he, since we feed gratis, Why should not now my little Bastard, (That I dare swear will prove no dastard) Come to Queen Dido's House, and Feast, As we have done o'th' very Best? Go fetch him then, e Munera praeterea Iliacis erepta ruinis Ferre jubet, pallam signis, auróque rigentem, Et circumtextum crocco velamen Acantho, Ornatus Argivae, Helenae: quos illa Mycenis, Pergamon cum peteret, inconcessósque Hymenaeos, Extulerat.— and let him bring's Out of my Coffer, those gay things, I saved at Troy; which for their fineness He shall present unto her Highness. There is a Riding-hood, and safeguard Of yellow Lace, bound with a brave guard, Which Helen wore; the very day, That Paris stole her quite away. f Praeterea sceptrum, Ilione quod gesserat climb Maxima natarum Priami, collóque monile Baccatum, & duplicem gemmis auróque coronam. Then there's a Distaff neatly wrought That Paris too for Helen bought, For carved-work fit to be seen, Betwixt the Legs of any Queen. And then there is a fair great Ruff Made of a pure, and costly Stuff To wear about her Highness' Neck, Like Mrs. Cockaynes in the Peake, And last, a Coif, wrought gorgeously With Tinsel, and Blew-Coventry: Then go as fast, as th' canst I prithee And bring him, and these Presents with thee. g Haec celerans, iter ad naves tendebat Achates. At Cytherea novas arts, nova pectora versat Consilia— Away goes he, as he was bidden, Running as fast, as he had ridden; But Venus, that same cunning Dame Had yet another Trick to play 'um. h Quip domum timet ambiguam Tyriosque bilingues, She had no very good Opinion, Of your so smooth tongued Carthaginian, Nor knew she but the Queen might be As full of Craft, as Courtesy. i Urit atrox Juno— And she was sure that Juno would Do all the Mischief, that she could; Therefore she in all haste did run, T'a Boy, called Cupid, was her Son. This Cupid was a little tyny, Cogging, Lying, Peevish Nynny; No bigger than a good point-tag; But yet a vile unhappy wag. He ne'er would go to School; but play The Truant every other day; Run men into th' Breech with pins, Throw stones at Folks, and break their shins; Kill people's Hens, and steal their Chicks, And do a Thousand Roguy Tricks: But with a Bow the Shit-breech'd-elfe Would shoot like Robin-Hood himself; And had I warrant every dart, Poisoned with such a subtle Art, That where they hat, their power was so It made Folks love, would they or no: And for this Trick, the hopeful Youth Was called the God of Love forsooth. To this young Squire Dame Venus trotted As I (if you have not forgot it) Told you before, and thus begun, To Flatter up her Graceless Son, k Gnate, meae vires, mea magna potentia, solus Gnate, patris summi qui tela Typhoëa temnis; Ad te confugio, & supplex tua numina posco. My Goldilocks, (quoth she) my Joy, My pretty, little-tyny-Boy; Thy Mother Venus comes to thee T' implore thy little Deity. l Frater ut AEneas pelago tuus omnia circum Littora jactetur, odiis Junonis iniquae, Nota tibi.— Thou knowest as well as any Other How Juno vile has used thy Brother Our poor AEneas, what a Clatter, She made to drown him on the water; Nay she would do more mischief still, If the Cursed Quean might have her will. m Hunc Phoenissa tenet Dido, blandîsque moratur Vocibus: & vereor, quò se Jnnonia vertant Hospitia, h ud tanto cessabit cardine rerum. AEneas now is at a Place Called Carthage with a handsome Lass, Queen Dido named, where now he is Made on as much, as heart can wish; n Quocirca capere ante dolis & cingere flamma Reginam meditor, ne quò se numine mutet: But least the Queen should change her mind As Weathercocks do with the wind, And through Juno's wiles at last, Show him a Woman's slipp'ry cast; My pretty Archer let us Two Show the Proud Slut what we can do. My Son AEneas does dispatch Achates, to the Wharfe to fetch My little Grand child, who must come, To sup in Dido's dining-room. Now since that thus in short the Case is And that thou canst so well cut faces: o — Faciem mutatus & ora Cupido Pro dulci Aseanio veniat. p Tu faciem illius noctem non amplius unam Fall dolo, & notos pueri puer indue vultus: Ut cum te gremio accipiet latissima Dido, Regales inter mensas, laticémque Lyaeum, Cum dabit amplexus, atque oscula dulcia figet, Occultum inspires ignem, sallásque veneno. I would have thee to set thy Phys '- Nomy in such a shape as his; And go along as meek, and mild, As any little sucking Child. When thou comest there, I know the Queen Will clip, and kiss thy Cheek, and Chin; Dandle, and give thee Figgs, and Reasons; Then must thou play thy Petty-Treasons, Lick her Lips, Flatter her, and Cog, And set her Highness so o'th' Gog, That when she's laid by Fame and Honour, Thy Brother may to work upon her. q Hunc ego sopitum somno super alta Cythera Aut super Idalium sacratâ sede recondam. This is my Plot, and that nought cross it, I 'll make the Child a sleeping Posset. And when he's fast, I will him hide O' ' top o'th' Garret upon Ide. a Paret Amor dictis charae genetricis, & alas Eruit, & gressu gaudens incedit juli. Cupid, who Mischief loved, I think, Better by half then Meat, or Drink; Without all manner of Reply, Prepares him for his Roguery. His wings he from his shoulders throws, Because they'd not go into's Clothes, And dressed himself to such a wonder, That none could know the Lads asunder. b At Venus Ascanio placidam per membra quietem Irrigat, & fotum gremio dea tollit in altos Idaliae locus: ubi mollis amaracus illum Floribus, & dulci aspirans complectitur umbra But Venus gave t'other a Sop, That made him sleep like any Top; And whilst he taking was a Nap, She laid him neatly in her Lap, And Carried him to a House that stood Upon an Hill in a old Wood: And when she had the Urchin there, She laid him up in Lavender. c Jámque ibat dicto parens----— In the mean time, Sir Cupid goes To th' Court in young Iülus Clothes; d cum venit, aulaeis jam se regina superbis Aurea composuit sponda, mediámque locavit. Jam pater AEneas & jam Trojana juventus Conveniunt: stratóque super discumbitur ostro. Who should he see when he came there; But Dido sitting in a Chair, I'th' midst of all the Trojan Blades, Vapouring, and Swearing at her Maids. Under her Feet a Cricket stood, Whereon she stamped as she were Wood; And likewise there was finely put, A Cushion underneath her Scut. There as she fate upon her Crupper, e Quinquaginta intus famulae, quibus ordine longo Cura penum struere, & flammis adolere penates. Centum aliae, totidémque pares aetate ministri, Qui dapibus mensas enerent, & pocula ponant. She bade her Folks to bring in Supper, And in they brought a Thundering Meal, Great Joints of Mutton, Pork and Veal, Hens, Geese, and Turkeys, Ducks, and Bustards, And at the last, Fools, Flawns and Custards, The Trojans eat, and make good Cheer Tunning themselves with Ale, and Beer, There was old drinking, and old singing, And all the while, the Bells were ringing, One would have thought, by the great Feast, 'tad been a Wedding at the least. Whilst thus they eat, and drink, and chat, f Ille, ubi complexu AEneae, collóque pependit, Et magnum falsi implevit genitoris amorem, Reginam petit, haec oculis, haec pectore toto Haeret: & interdum gremio fovet, inscia Dido, Insideat quantus miserae deus.— Cupid, that little Cogging Brat, So cunning was in Counterfeiting, AEneas thought him on's own getting. At last Queen Dido in her Lap, Sets me the Mounte-banking-Ape, And kissed his Lips all of a Lather, Then thus bespeaks the new-made Father. By th' Mack (quoth she) thou Trojan trusty, Thou got'st This Boy, when thou wert lusty; And any one that does but note him, May soon know who it was begot him; I dare be sworn 'twas thou didst get him, he's even as like thee, as thou'dst spit him. g — At memor ille Matris Acidaliae, paulatim abolere Sichaeum Incipit, & vivo tentat praevertere amore Jampridem resides animos.— Whilst thus the Youth she kissed, & dandled, Cupid had so the matter handled, That she began to feel a Grumbling As People do that would be Tumbling. h Postquam prima quies epulis, mensaeque remotae: Crateras magnos statuunt, & vina coronant. When they had Supped, & that the waiters, Had Trenchers ta'en away, and Platters; i Hic regina gravem gemmis, auróque poposcit, Implevitque morg pateram: quam Belus, & omnes A Belo soliti— Up from her Chair Queen Dido starts, And takes a Mug, that held Two Quarts Of Drink, that she with much forbearing Had saved long since for her Sheepshearing: And thus begins, Here Sirs, here's to you, And from my heart much good may do you: k Adsis laetitiae Bacchus dator, & bona juno: Et vos ô coetum Tyrii celebrate saventes. AEneas, here's a Health to thee, To Pusse and to good Company; And he that will not do, as I do, Proclaims himself no friend to Dido. I do pronounce him to be no Man, And may he never kiss a Woman. l Dixit, & in mensa laticum libavit honorem: Primaq libato summo tenus attigit ore. With that she set it to her Nose, And off at once the Rumkin goes; No drop besides her Mussel falling, Until that she had supped it all in. Then turninged * Alias Kerly. Topsey on her Thumb Says look, here's Super-naculum. AEneas, as the story tells, And all the Rest did bless themselves, To see her troll of such a Pitcher, And yet to have her Face no richer, By Jove (quoth he) knocking his knuckles; I'd not drink with her for Shoe-buckles: But Madam (says he) sweetly bowing, I hope your Grace does not make * Ending one and Beginning another. ploughing: For if you do at this large rate, There will be many an aching pate; m — Ille impiger hausit Spumantem pateram, & pleno se poluit auro. With that he took a lusty Swimmer Here Sirs (quoth he) I drink this Brimmer In kind return for our Protections, Unto Queen Dido's best Affections. n Pòst alii proceres, Down went their Cups, and too't they fell, Roaring and Swaggering pell mell, o cithara crinitus jopas Personat aurata, docuit quae maximus Atlas. Hic canit errantem Lunam.— Whilst a Blind-Harper did advance, That wore Queen Dido's Cognizance, A Minstrel that jopas height; Who played, and sung to 'em all night, He sung them Songs, Ballads, and Catches, Of men's Devices, women's Patches; With ancient Songs of high Renown And even one, they called Troy Town: At that, AEneas shaked his Noddle, As one would do an empty Bottle, (Quoth he) if he that wrote this Ditty, Had been with us i'th' midst o'th' City. When Faggot-sticks, flew in Folks Chops, And knocked men down, as thick as Hopps, I do believe for all's fine Chiming, He would have had small mind of Rhyming: Yet for to give the Devil his due, Who e'er he was the Ballads true. p Infelix Dido, longúmque bibebat amorem. From Dido then a belch did fly, 'Tis thought she meant it for a sigh, And tears ran down, her fair long Nose, The Queen was Maudlin I suppose. q Multa super Priamo rogitans, super Hectore multa▪ Nunc quibus Aurorae venisset filius armis; Nunc quales Diomedis equi, nunc quantus Achilles: Immo age, & à prima dic hospes origine nobis Insidias, inquit, Danaûm, casúsque tuorum, Errorésque tuos.— (Quoth she) AEneas out of Jesting, Thou needs must tell at my Requesting, All the whole Tale of Troy's Condition, Since first you troubled were with Grecian; Hector's great Fights, and Priam's Speeches, And eke describe Achilles' Breeches, How strong he was, when he did grapple, And if Tydides' horse were dapple. Tell me I say of Paris Lechery, The Grecians Quarrels, and there Treachery, Your Challenges, your Fights, and Battles, And how you lost your Goods and Chattles; And to what Places you have wandered e'er since you were so basely Squandered. All these things would I know most duly, Then tell me speedily, and truly. FINIS.