A NARRATION OF THE GRIEVOUS VISITATION, AND DREADFUL DESERtion of Mr. PEACOCK, in his last sickness: Together with the sweet and gracious issue, in his comfortable restauration, to the joy of God's salvation, before his most blessed end, and heavenly death, Decemb. 4. 1611. PSAL. 37.37. Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright, for the end of that man is peace. PSAL. 37.24. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upheldeth him with his hand. PSAL. 71.20. Thou which hast showed me great, and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again: and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the Earth. PSAL. 102.18. This shall be written for the generation to come, and the people which shall be created, shall praise the Lord. LONDON, Printed by R.H. for Robert Milbourn, at the sign of the holy Lamb in Little Britain. 1641. TO THE CHRISTIAN READER. THose four leprous men at the gate of Samaria, 2 Kings 7.3. When they had eaten, and drunk, and carried away Silver and Gold, and Raiment, from out of the forsaken tents of the flying Syrians, and had hid the same, their Conscience eftsoon gave them the check, for so engrossing to their own use, and particular benefit, what the God of ISRAEL had in mercy intended, and by miracle provided for that whole City, and Kingdom, Ver. 9. Then they said one to another, WE DO NOT WELL: THIS DAY IS A DAY OF GOOD TIDINGS, AND WE HOLD OUR PEACE. Even so this Narration of Mr. PEACOCK'S Visitation, coming happily to my hands, and I upon through-reading, and serious perusal thereof, finding it to set forth a most singular precedent, and rare example of GOD'S correcting justice, in giving over this dear Saint, his faithful servant, this MAN OF GOD (for so a late reverend Divine * M. Bolton Instruct▪ for afflicted consc. p. 84. worthily enstyleth him) to the buffet of Satan, terrors of hell, conflicts of a self-accusing Conscience: and likewise to hold forth the tender mercies, and melting bowels of the LORDS Fatherly compassion, in bringing him even to the suburbs of bell, the gates of death (a) Psal. 9.13. , seemingly yielding him up into the paws and jaws of the devil himself; and yet then, plucking him as a brand (b) Zech. 3.2. out of the fire, recomforting his dejected soul, binding up his broken spirit, pouring in a more precious Balm than that of (c) jer. 8.22. Gilead, into his wounded and bleeding conscience; I say hereupon, my thoughts forthwith suggested this unto me, that I SHOULD NOT DO WELL to conceal any longer this Mirror of God's justice and Mercy, being as well an Antidote against DESPAIR, that dangerous whirl pool and gulf into which FRANCIS SPIRA seemed irrecoverably to fall, to sink, and perish in, on the left hand; and also to be a curb of restraint unto, a warning piece, and counterpoison against PRESUMPTION, on the right hand; the Rock that so many millions of men everlastingly miscarry, and split themselves upon: (for as the women sang of Saul and David, 1 Sam. 18.7. that Saul had slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands: so where some few upon an awakened and roused conscience, die despaireingly:) infinite is the number of presumptuous sinners, who like the Fish in Jordan, frisk and play, and take their pastime in the sweet silver-streams of this life's comforts, till they be unawares suddenly engulfed into the Dead Sea, arrested by grim death, God's Sergeant; and haled by devils unto the disobedient souls (d) 1 Pet. 3.19, 20. now in prison, reserved in chains under darkness, (e) jude 6 unto the judgement of the great day, without bail, or mainprize. Doubtless whosoever is wise, will seriously and seasonably consider of this (f) Psal. 107.43. , and other like remarkable administrations of divine providence, and being careful of his own standing in the state of grace, will work out his own (g) Phil. 2.12. salvation with fear and trembling. This surely is the use God would have men to make hereof: not to be a nine-days wonder, or a naked subject of fruitless discourse, but to learn righteousness (h) Isa. 26.9. thereby: for if these things were done in the green tree (i) Luk. 23 31. , what will become of the dry? And if the righteous scarcely be saved (k) 1 Pet. 4.18. , where shall the ungodly and sinner appear? It is a fearful thing (l) Heb. 10.31. (saith the Apostle) to fall into the hands of the living God. That (m) joh. 1.29. Lamb of God, our blessed Saviour himself, when he stood in our stead upon the cross, was ready even to sink under that unsupportable weight and burden (n) Psal. ●8. 4. of our sins, and the feeling apprehension of his Father's fierce wrath for the same, and cries out in that perplexed agony and dereliction, (o) Mat. 27.46. My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? O● the terrors, and intolerableness of a Conscience wounded by sin! The spirit of a man may sustain (p) Prov. 18.14. his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear? Not only the desperate cries of Cain, judas, Latomus, Bolton. p. 83. and many other such miserable men of forlorn hope, but also the woeful complaints even of Gods own dear children, discover the unsupportable horrors of a galled Conscience, yelling and crying out with the stinging sense of the arrows of sin (q) job ●. 4. , the poison whereof drinks up men's spirits. Thus Hezekiah, Isay 38.13. Thus job, job 13.26. job 6.4.8. job 7.14, 15. Thus David, Psal. 32.3, 4. And into the like depth of spiritual distress three worthy servants of God in these later times, were plunged and pressed down under the sense of God's anger for sin. 1. Blessed Mistress Bretergh upon her last bed was horribly hemmed in with the sorrows of death, See the discourse of the holy life, and Christian death of Mistress Katherine Bretergh. the very pains of hell laid hold on her soul; she said her sins had made her a prey to Satan, she cried out Woe, woe, wo, A weak, a woeful, a wretched, a forsaken woman; with tears continually trickling from her eyes. 2 Master Peacock, that man of God, in that his dreadful visitation, and desertion, recounting some smaller sins, burst out into these words; And for these (saith he) I feel now an hell in my conscience. But thou shalt read more concerning him in the following Narration. 3. What grievous pangs and sorrowful torments, what boiling heats of the fire of hell that blessed Saint of God john Glover felt inwardly in his spirit (saith Master Fox) no speech outwardly is able to express. Acts Mon. in the story of Master Robert Glover. pag. 1557. Being young (saith he) I remember I was once or twice with him, whom partly by his talk I perceived, and partly by mine own eyes saw, to be so worn, and consumed by the space of five years, that neither almost any brooking of meat, quietness of sleep, pleasure of life, yea, and almost no kind of senses was left in him: upon apprehension of some back-sliding, he was so perplexed, that if he had been in the deepest pit of hell, he could almost have despaired no more of his salvation. But yet every one of these three last named was at length blessedly recovered, and did rise most gloriously out of these desperate conflicts, and extremest spiritual misery before their end. Hear part of Mistress Breterghs triumphant songs after the return of her Wellbeloved. M. Bolton. ibid. pag. 85, 86. O Lord jesus dost thou pray for me? O blessed and sweet Saviour, how wonderful, how wonderful, how wonderful are thy mercies! Lord I feel thy mercy, and I am assured of thy love, and so certain am I thereof, as thou art the God of truth, even so sure do I know myself to be thine, O Lord my God, and this my soul knoweth right well, etc. 2. This following Narration witnesseth with what sweet tranquillity of mind Master Peacock recounted God's love, welcomed his presence, when the storm was once over. 3. Master Glover (saith M. Fox, ibid.) though he suffered many years so sharp temptations, and strong buffet of Satan, yet the Lord who graciously preserved him all the while, not only at last did rid him out of all discomfort, but also framed him thereby, to such mortification of life, as the like lightly hath not been seen: in such sort, as he became like one placed in heaven already, and dead in this world, both in word and meditation, led a life altogether celestial, abhorring in his mind all profane do. No arm of flesh, or art of man can possibly heal or help in these extremest horrors. Heaven and earth, men and angels, friends and physic, gold and silver, nay, the utmost possibility of the whole Creation must let this alone (r) Psal. 49.7, 8. for ever. An Almighty hand must take this in hand, or else never any cure, or recovery in this world, or that to come. Oh therefore let us take the stings out of our sins betimes, and prevent the incureablenesse of their horrible wound, by an humble, sincere and universal turning to the Lord, while it is called To Day (s) Heb. 3.15. . For assuredly all the sins we have committed in thought, word, or deed, at any time, in any place, with any company, M. Bolton ibid. or to which we have been any ways accessary, will one day be stings, and scorpions to our naked souls: they all are upon record before that high and everlasting judge, written by the hand of divine justice in the book of our conscience, with a pen of Iron; and there they lie like so many sleeping Lions, gathering much enraged and desperate poison; that whensoever our hearts are thoroughly roused, M. Bolton, pag. 89. and finally awaked, they will fly in our faces, tormenting us most ragingly, and tearing our woeful souls in pieces everlastingly, when there is none to deliver (t) Psal. 50.22. Therefore let us consider often in our saddest thoughts. Consid. 1. 1. Why we came into the world, were fashioned in the womb, and drawn out thence. 2. Why we were made men and women, in the image of God, reasonable creatures, and not toads or serpents. 3. Why we were borne and bred up Christians, in the Sunshine of the Gospel, the glorious light of grace; and not made Pagans, Turks, Infidels, or borne in the hellish darkness of Popish Idolatry; but in a Land of righteousness, Where the eyes of the Lord, and the Sun of righteousness are upon us from the beginning of the year, to the end of the year (u) Deut. 11.12. . Doubtless this is an unspeakable mercy, and was not therefore vouchsafed unto us, that we should only live to ourselves (w) 2 Cor. 5.15. , carnally and sensually, to eat, and drink, and get gain; but for more heavenly ends. And therefore as ever we hope with comfort to look the Lord jesus in the face at that great day, let us mind the things that concern our everlasting peace (x) Luke 19.42. , pursue the one (y) Luke 10.42. thing that is necessary, and lay up in store for ourselves a good foundation against the time to come (z) 1 Tim. 6.19. that we may lay hold on eternal life. Consider that our days are but few (a) job 10 20. , we have but a very little time to live here, and upon this span-long life depends eternity; let us therefore walk with God (b) Gen. 6 9 , and behave ourselves here that we may hold out in the (c) Prov. 16.4. evil day. It is another place we must all live in for ever: The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence (d) Matt. 11.12. , and the violent take it by force: Many shall seek to enter in, (e) Luke 13.24. and shall not be able. What comfort will it one day be to have wallowed in all sensual pleasures, or lain soaking in luxury and lasciviousness, when we must ere long lie on our deaths-bed, like wild (f) Isay 51.20. Bulls in a net. It is good to make hay while the Sun shines, to pray, hear, read, and repent betimes, to store ourselves with Oil (g) Mat 25 10. before the Bridegroom comes, lest we knock too late, when the door is shut: As we spend this life, so will it be with us in the life to come; therefore live well here, that it may be well with us at our latter end (h) Lam. 1.9. . 3. All the riches, Consid. 3. honours, and pleasures under the Sun will not avail us (i) Prov. 11.4. in the day of wrath. It will then no whit profit us, to have gained the whole (k) Matt. 16.26. world, if we lose our own souls; to have enjoyed the pleasures of sin (l) Heb. 11.25. for a season, and to lie weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth in hell for ever. O that men were wise and would consider this (m) Deut. 32.29. , and that they would remember their latter end! The clearest Sun in the Hemisphere, that shines most gloriously in the brightest summers day, certainly may (and who sees it not oftentimes) overcast, and muffled up in dark clouds ere it be night? Who can say, the weather shall not (n) Luke 12.56. change with him? May not our sun go down (o) jer. 15.9. Amos 8.9. at noon, and set sadly under a cloud? Nay, we must look for changes and chances in this mortal life (and therefore daily had need to pray as it is in our Liturgy) and wait all the days of our appointed time (p) job 14.14. , until our last solemn change shall come. Our souls like a Ship at sea, underfull sail, are all bound for the fair havens (q) Acts 27.8. of the fortunate Islands, I mean, everlasting blessedness; who knows but that he may be sore tossed, and rend, and shattered, not able to bear up * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Acts 27.15 against the angry surges, yea, and may hardly escape safe to that land of righteousness (r) Psal. 143.10. . And thither also must we arrive through the straits of death; and therefore that we may look that King of terrors (s) job 18 14. undauntedly in the face, it stands us all in hand to watch. Here we may see the Lords champion, this blessed servant of God in the lists, resisting (t) Heb. 12.4. unto blood, combating and encountering with most dreadful temptations: whose turn may be the next, we know not. God may call any of us out unto the duel, and turn Satan lose upon us, hand to hand: we had need therefore before hand learn the use of all our spiritual armour (u) Eph. 6. , as Saul taught judah the use of the bow * 2 Sam. 1.18. . The strength we must stand, and withstand by, is not our own; not from nature, no nor grace itself; it is God that must teach (w) Psal. 144.1. our fingers to fight; he must cover our head in the day of battle (x) Psal. 140.7. We are here all militant, and must bid battle, and abide it, or else no victory. Satan reserves his most dangerous ambushments, and desperate assaults to the last: Here thou mayst perceive, how, where, and when he useth most mortally to strike, and so stand upon thy guard. To keep thy conscience safe, shot-free, and unwounded, is the maine-service. Herein I exercise myself (z) Acts 24.16. to have always a conscience void of offence, toward God, and toward men. If that bird of the bosom sing sweetly in our breast, it makes no matter, what dirdams and stirs be from the world. Therefore make much of conscience, it must stand us in stead, and be our best friend another day. Walk in the light thereof: It is a blessed thing to keep it tender. But alas! how do men muzzle, stifle, and choke it up? how do they noise and drum in its ears, that the cries thereof may not be heard, 2 King. 23.10. jer. 19.2. as the Idolatrous Jews in the burning of their children to their Idols? O Brethren (saith Francis Spira) take a diligent heed to your life, Relation of Francis Spira, pag. 112. make more account of the gifts of God's Spirit than I have done, learn to beware my misery, think not you are assured Christians because you understand something of the Gospel; take heed you grow not secure on that ground; be constant and in the maintaining of your profession, confess even until death, if you be called thereto: he that loveth father, mother, brothers, sisters, sons, Luk. 14.26 daughters, kindred, houses, lands more than Christ, is not worthy of him. pag. 104, 105. And in another place, Take heed to yourselves, it is no light or easy matter to be a Christian; it is not baptism, or reading of the Scriptures, or boasting of faith in Christ (though even these are good) that can prove one to be an absolute Christian: There must be a conformity in life; a Christian must be strong, unconquerable, not carrying an obscure profession, but resolute; expressing the image of Christ, and holding out against all opposition to the last breath: he must give all diligence by righteousness, and holiness, to make his calling and election sure: Many there are that snatch at the promises in the Gospel, as if they undoubtedly did belong to them, and yet they remain sluggish, and careless, and being flattered by the things of this present world, they pass their course in quietness and security, as if they were the only happy men; whom nevertheless the Lord in his providence hath ordained to eternal wrath; as you may see in S. Luke's rich man, Luke 16. thus it was with me, therefore take heed. Thus he. And that I may keep thee no longer from this so fruitful a Treatise; Read advisedly this following Narration, and thou shalt reap much good thereby. To which end it is now published and presented to thy view, by thy wellwisher in the Lord, I. C. MASTER PEACOCK'S Visitation. MAster Peacock the servant of God, in the beginning of his Visitation, for the space of two weeks and four days, was full of most heavenly consolations, showing by sweet meditations, and gracious ejaculations, the entertainment he found with his God in his sickness, with whom he so much desired to be acquainted in his health. We are (saith one coming to visit him) miserable comforters. job 16.2. Nay (saith he) you are good, for this is ever the privilege of God's children, that their very presence affords comfort. Sometimes he craved pardon for his actions, and for the circumstances of them, badly observed. Otherwhile, he desired to have some matter given him to meditate on; Finally, he said his hope was firmly settled on the rock Christ Jesus; he hoped that the Lord would give him a place, though it were in the lowest room of his Saints, and he thanked God that he had no trouble of Conscience. The Lord did not suffer Satan to vex him, insomuch, that one seeing his great comfort, feared lest he would be overtaken with sorrow before his death. He much rejoiced that the Lord had so disposed of him, that he had seen his friends in the Country. Here first was his yielding unto death suspected, and his hoped recovery doubted. I thought (said he) I had been in a good estate, but I see it now far otherwise, for these things my Conscience lays against me. 1. I brought up my Scholars in gluttony. This some endeavoured to pull out, by putting him in mind of, 1. The preventing of many inconveniences. 2. His well known moderation. 3. The great care he took for good conference when they were at Table with him.— But (saith he) while I was talking, they did undo themselves; and further I did unadvisedly expound places of Scripture at the table many times; and for these now I feel a hell in my conscience. 4. Again, I have procured my own death by eating and drinking often like a beast, when I was joysting up and down to my friends in the country: and now I see before my face those dishes of meat wherewith I clogged my stomach. Well (saith one to him) if all these things that you accuse yourself of, were undone, would you do them again? Nay then doubt not but a reprobate would desire to be saved, if a desire would serve the turn. Indeed he may have a desire, but of bare willingness, not with an intent and purpose in using the means. Another time, a worthy friend of his, ask him how he did, he cried out, Sin, Sin, Sin! What? doth any lie on your conscience? Yea. What? My inconsiderateness. I did eat too much of such meat, at breaking my fast such a morning, (my self being witness of his great abstinence, could not but admire the tenderness of his self-accusing conscience): well (said he) God be thanked there is no greater; as we must not extenuate our sins, so neither must we too much aggravate them; Let drunkards and gluttons have those most terrible horrors. I thank God I never continued in any known sin against my conscience: He was willing that we should pray with him, Kneeling down he said, He was then uncapable of prayers; Afterward he kneeled down of his own accord, shortly after he broke out into such speeches, I damnable wretch. Those are not your words (saith one), you cannot deny but you have good experience of God's mercy, etc. I cannot. Then be comforted, for, Whom he once loveth, he loveth for ever. Yet Satan took such advantage at his infirmities, that though he could find some comfort, yet no particular assurance; You have lived profitably, saith one.— I have endeavoured. You are now humbled, and the Lord looks you should ask mercy. Master Dod was sent for, who being come, they were private awhile; afterward coming unto him again, Master Dod put him in mind of God's kindness, whereof he shown him four parts. 1. To take small things in good part. 2. To pass by infirmities. 3. To be easy to be entreated. 4. To be entreated for the greatest sin there is now in you; Now for the image of the old man Adam, sin and sorrow, there shall be in you the image of the new man, in holiness, and happiness, and righteousness. The life to come, might be set out by three things; 1. By the estate itself, happiness, holiness, and glory. 2. By the company, every one shall love you better than any one, even the best can love you here. 3. By the place. There are three differences between the afflictions of the good, and bad. 1. From the cause, for they come to the good from God's love. 2. In the measure, as far as they need and are able to bear. 3. In the end, for their good. Of those former doubts, we after heard not a word from him: upon the Sabbath day he desired to be alone; after noon he was fearfully troubled, In his countenance appeared evident tokens of a sorrowful mind, borne up with a weak body; his spirit was wounded, Satan had foiled him: Those his terrible wrestlings with temptations, griefs of conscience, and restless terrors, none can understand, much less express, but he which felt them. Satan had winnowed him, and shown him nothing but chaff; his tender conscience was grieved with the fiery darts of the devil, pointed with the edge of sin, and sense of God's heavy wrath; as through a false glass, the dazzled eye of his astonished and amazed soul, could see nothing but hideously-appearing sin, and the terrible image of death, and damnation: he had drunk deeply of the dregs of hell, his adversary had represented unto him his own most gracious God as a most severe judge, displeased, angry, and chiding with him, yea yielding him up into his claws, that so by this deadly stratagem, he might take from him all hope of help that way: and so not only stop the sensible flowing of God's grace, and cut the chains of God's love wherewith he had tied him, and would draw him after him, but finally break his Christian soul. O that you had seen, and that we which were present had had eyes to have seen his seeming forlorn soul, with what barkings of conscience, and with what too heavy burdens of sin, waves of fearful thoughts, blustering blasts and surging storms of Gods heavy displeasure; he was tossed, turmoiled, and dashed against rocks of despair, more than in danger of his soul's shipwreck! happy were we, if neither through frowardness, nor blindness of judgement, we did inconsiderately pass by, or profanely deride God's judgements, by thinking that they either happen casually, or by forgetting of them suddenly. If we could but rightly discern it, we should find nothing more profitable than to have the image of this gracious (though now afflicted) soul in our consciences; hereby we may see that The righteous scarcely being saved, 1 Pet. 4.18. there is no place for the wicked and ungodly to appear. And truly we may think, that our God even sent it for our sakes, that we (with whom it is too usual to dally with God) might know, Heb. 10.31 that it is afearefull thing to fall into his hands. Our faith is tried in earnest, when as the Lord hideth his face from us; for if we love God above all, it cannot be, but that at the loss of the relish of his favour, or least taste of his displeasure, our souls should be in bitterness, tormented, wounded, thrust through, yea and swallowed up with desolation. It is a wonder to see in the world, how we will ride and run and carefully will seek physic, and use diet by any means to avoid bodily pain; and how careless we are of the unprofitable fits of the souls mortal sickness. It is not in our own power to apprehend grace, when we will; and a harder matter it is than we can conceive, to lift a poor soul up, that is cast down with the sense of God's wrath. If a violent passion may so far transport the mind; what may we think of this restless trembling, when the soul, after long toss seethe itself drowned, and overwhelmed with a deluge of sorrow, proceeding from the everlasting threats of shame and confusion of face, in the presence of the Almighty? Consider the body, laden with a burden neither portable, nor evitable; and thence gather the struggle of an overladen soul; Consider a man ready to fall from an high Tower, to the Earth; and thence gather the estate of another falling from heaven, with a spiritual ruin into hell. Consider a child when the mother hideth her face from it, and terrifies it with a bugbear, and therein take view of the estate of a poor Christian (whose chiefest happiness having consisted in being joined, and united to his heavenly Father) having now lost his presence; or being affrighted with the devil, as if he were ready to lay hands on him. Consider the estate of a debtor, cast off by his best creditors; and gather that of a Christian being bankrupt with his God Consider the estate of a man once in favour, afterward adjudged to death by his Prince, without hope of pardon and repriving; and gather that of a Christian, who after his citation and arraignment at the tribunal seat of God, stands condemned, and is wholly deprived of obtaining pardon, and delivered into the hands of the devil. The Lord needs not to seek wild beasts to punish us, or such like executioners of his wrath to torment us, he may find enough within us, all the furies and devils cannot invent a grievouser torment than a wounded conscience. One by it apprehended, needs not more accusers or tormentors: his many thoughts of sins (as if he stirred a nest of Wasps) come buzzing about his ears; and (as a man indebted once laid hold of,) makes him faster daily. His loving friends may stand by the prison, and call him, but he being fast fettered can not come forth. You shall see him, now in his Purgatory (not that Papistical, sin-satisfying fiction, the Pope's Jail) but that hot fiery furnace, wherein the Lord tries his metal, whether it be good or reprobate. And by the way, Suppose he had died at the worst, (as in the Lord's justice he might) to the hardening of those that will not be foftned, as no man should rather judge him by the inch of his death, than the length of his life; so I for my part, neither did in him, nor do in myself so much fear his death, as I did and do desire his life. God's course in visiting his children is divers. You may observe the courses which God takes in visiting his children to be divers. Some are comfortable and without any great admixture of discomfort. Others heavy without horror. Others horrible, yet all in the end gracious But to leave any further digression, and to come aga●ne to the matter in hand. When one came unto him he broke out into these words, Oh how sinful, woeful, and miserable is mine estate, that thus must converse with hellhounds! He being with those words straightway moved, went to call some of his best able friends to comfort him; to them he complained, that the Lord had cursed him, Being demanded how he knew it, he answered, Why the event shows it; It being replied, how such, and such, were cursed; he answered, I have no grace: how do you know then that once you had none? I was a foolish, vainglorious hypocrite; it is against the course of God's proceed to save me, he hath otherwise decreed; he cannot. Put your trust in God. I can no more than a horse. Do you desire to believe? No more than a post, than a horse-shoe. I know you cannot deny, but you have sought God's glory. Not sincerely. There is a secret mixture of pride and hypocrisy in the best. I have no more sense of grace than those curtains; than a goose; than that block: Let the testimony of your life past comfort you, especially in the calling of a Tutor. I did the business thereof perfunctorily, when I handled hard authors, I came often unprepared, and read shamefully. Be of good courage, and the Lord will comfort your soul. It is ended, there is no such matter. Why do you think so? You shall see the event. God will bring it to pass. Tush, tush, trifles; What do you think of your former doctrine? Very good. Let it comfort you; It cannot. You desire it could. If it might. There is nothing impossible to God. Which stands with his decree: Oh, oh, Miserable, and woeful! the burden of my sin lieth heavy upon me, I doubt it will break my soul. Behold your comforts. Nothing to me; I pray you hold your peace, do not trouble yourself idly; you vex me, your words are as daggers to my soul. Another time some of the younger sort said, remember Sir what good counsel you have given us heretofore. These were ordinary. You may see many others in the like estate. Not such as mine. See David. What do you speak to me of David? Good Sir endeavour to settle your mind: Yes, to play with hell-bounds. Will you pray? I cannot. You were wont heretofore. Yes, by a custom, and for vainglory. Suffer us to pray for you. Take not the name of God in vain in praying for a reprobate. (There you may see the glory of God preferred before his own salvation, rather willing to have the means of his own salvation neglected, than the Lord dishonoured.) Suffer us to pray for ourselves. Look to it. You would now show your faculty in praying. Can you say Amen? No, but in a certain general fashion. One prayed, and in the mean time, he rested most quietly; and when prayer was ended, I pray you, saith he, go hence to bed, trouble not yourselves in vain. Let not the devil delude you, abusing your mind and tongue, I know you speak not these words. I wonder that intelligent Scholars should speak this. We are persuaded you are in as good estate as ourselves. One that watched with him asked him, Sir, how can you discern this change by the absence of God, if you never enjoyed his presence? I thought I had once, but now I see it far otherwise. But God deals with you as he did with the Church, Isa. 54.8. he forsook it a while, and hid his face, but he returned to it again: and so no doubt the case stands with you. Never add more afflictions to the afflicted. Oh me wretch! groaning pitifully. Hope no worse of yourself (saith one) then we do of you All of us have seen clearly which way your carriage was still set, after the Spirit; and we are assured you will come to the Spirit, howsoever you seem to have lost your way. To all particulars he would answer generally, I do desire grace; I did good outwardly, but all hypocritically. One asked him, Do you love such a one, his most dear (and worthy to be dear) friend? Yes. Why? Because of his goodness. Why then you are God's child, 1 joh. 3.14. for by this mark we know we are translated from death, etc. Many like forcible proofs he would put off with his former evasions; and afterward grew more wary against himself, either loath to grant any thing, or granting it staggeringly, or (what then?) fearing he should be pressed. He wished that some were put in mind. 1. For their great care for buildings, and too small care for Scholars in them 2. Their giving so long leave of absence from the College, and desired amendment; After noon came a worthy Governor of a College, in our University; He requested him to be of good comfort, and to pluck up his spirit. I cannot. Why can you not? Because I have no grace, no more than a stake. Why think you so? By this affliction. Do you desire grace? I cannot, (he spoke most strangely) I can as well leap over a Church. But are you not sorry you cannot desire it? I cannot. Would you not be in heaven? I would not. One standing by said, the devil would if he could. By the way you shall have the opinion of a much respected Minister opposite hereto; which he gave in private. A proud man, (saith he) will think scorn to seek any good from his enemies; so the devil's pride will not let him think himself beholding to God for heaven, if he might get it. You have (saith one) the testimony of faith, you love the brethren? I did not. Do you not love us? No. The devil now, saith he, should be cast into his straits, if you should grant this. What is it that doth most trouble you? I undertook too much upon me foolishly. I had gotten a little Logic, and Greek, and meanly instructed in the Rules, did set myself to read to Scholars, and afterward undertook often business, which distracted my mind and body from them, I have destroyed a thousand souls. You may see the falsehood of him that suggesteth this unto you, you never had a thousand, he puts a false glass before you; the good effects of your pains appears in many of your Scholters; Oh they were themselves capable. Name one wherein they do not, There is one (pointing at a Master of Arts then present) he justified his care of him and thanked God that ever he knew him. It is not so. I did foolishly: You confess you did foolishly, therefore not of malice. Again, consider what would have become of them, if you had not taken them. ' Better, far better: All in the College know to the contrary. But I feel it: It is false, believe not the devil. It is too true. Then will you make amends? God will give you your soul's desire. Never. Are you sorry that he will not? No. There is no grace in the soul, it is dead. Such was David's case. What do you compare me with David? Behold Christ himself. Nothing to me. God can make his death available. He cannot. He is omnipotent. In me he cannot, because it stands not with his purpose. Whom God loveth once, etc. But he never loved me— You have tasted of his love. I deceived myself in a certain vainglory; I exposed my head to many things outwardly only. You could say the Lords prayer, and therein call him Father. Hypocritically. I was wont to inquire of Master Mason, what was meant by Abba Father, rather in curiosity, then truly to be edified. God will give a good issue. Never, I have no sense. We will pray with you. Do not dishonour God. It is well that you will not have God dishonoured; Here he sticked, saying, I pray you trouble me not with distinctions: Afterward came one, who with vehement action of body pressed him, and urged him that he would trust upon God. I cannot (said he) he will not have me saved, his sentence is passed. Do you desire to be saved? Noe. Do you desire to desire? No. Would you be damned? No. Look at the sins of other men as great as yours, and yet they are saved. They were good and godly. They found grace— Here is the difference, my sins are horrible; he repeated that towards his Scholars— All of us know you took pains. Outwardly. You did your best. No. I see now what it is, you strictly look back to your own actions, as a Justiciary, who will none of God's mercy, and now he hath justly met with you: Your judgement is just: These words affected some strangely. Another willed him to look to it, It seemed near Popery. Do you hope to be justified by your merits? I fear to be damned for my sins. The other asked him, whether he could say, Amen. No. Have you no tongue? What is that to the purpose? Name Jesus, at his name will fly away, etc. I cannot. If I had your tongue in my hand, I would make you speak. Turning his speech to a friend present, O (saith he) if you did feel my grief an hour, you would have compassion! The other replied, if you were in the fire you would wish to get out. I had rather be in the fire than here. I will pray for you. Sin not. Let the fault be mine. Although my purpose was barely to relate the passages of this gracious man's visitation, and to refer to your spiritual eye, what you could find therein, yet let your gentle construction withhold from me the deserved censure of bold blindness, in that I now and then point at some things which your quick sight may sooner and better apprehend. The devils malicious policy was so great towards him, in that he assaulted him most strongly in that, which might and ought to have been his greatest comfort. Again, I saw the Physician's opinion helped somewhat in bodily maladies, or diseases; whereas in that his estate, his soul remained (as it were) uncapable of comfort from the soul's physician. He much respected some few, he dolefully poured out his soul into the bosom of a well-willer of his on this manner. I took upon me too proudly many things, and being negligent, performed nothing. Cursed be the day when I took Scholars: if I had not taken them, I had been happy with a good flourish. I was stirring many ways, and in the mean time left the essence of my calling, teaching of my Scholars. What (saith the other) shall I now do, when I see you thus tossed? Well, I was an hypocrite, therefore there is no hope of comfort for me in God's presence, I have no sense of it. The Sun is in the Firmament, though hid in a cloud. This comparison agreeth not to me. What then would you counsel me to do? Abide within the bounds of your calling, take not too much on you, and the Lord will bless you. Will it avail me to hear Sermons? Yes, if you mean to be saved. What good shall I reap thence? Nothing from the bare hearing. Oh this heavy lumpish fear hath oftentimes shaked me, and now it hath broken out! Another said, You know the poor in spirit are blessed. I am not such. You see you are empty of all good, you feel the burden. I pray go your ways. He turned his head aside and stopped his cares. What though you have done but little good, if you have given but a cup of cold water? He thrusted him away with his foot, either as some thoght being troubled with his shrill voice, or as he replied, through the devil's subtlety. That evening he was grievously afflicted: suddenly he breaks out, Oh if God The standers by endeavoured to cherish this good motion, and said unto him, God will give you grace. I doubt it. Then presently after he uttered this prayer. Oh God, give me a spark of grace, and enlarge my soul that I may apprehend it. He asked a friend how he might give satisfaction for some speeches. Master Dod, although he departed on Saturday, and had then an unfeasonable journey, yet being requested by letters, returned on Tuesday following. He at the first sight started up as desirous to meet him. Oh Master Dod (and in friendly sort complained) I have no grace; I will not (saith Master Dod) believe every one that saith he hath grace, nor every one that saith, he hath not any. Answer the devil as Christ did. A man must not always be lead by sense, let us inquire by the effects, and it may suffice. A Christian must not always be led by sense. If you can but find one, even the least, it is enough; You forgive your enemies, and love them, and would do them no hurt if you can? Yes. Then your enemies are forgiven. An hypocrite may give alms, and fast; this he cannot do. That is a small matter. I think it to be a great one, yea such a one as I had need to pray for. That is put for a reason in the Lord's prayer, and if Christ had thought any more forcible, he would have given it; Sir, that's true in those that are elected. Do not put an exception, where God hath not; I would not handle you as I do, but that I know your estate. I come hither to cherish you, you love your good friends? I cannot. Had you rather that bad, or good should be with you? Good. Yet you say you do not love them. A sow would be with swine, 2 Cor. 6.14 there is no fellowship between light and darkness; would you believe the physician, or yourself touching the life of the body? The physician. Believe not yourself then now. You are sick, yet shall be restored. It is impossible. Why so? If you had sinned as much as you could, you could not have sinned as much as Adam, yet he is in heaven. It repent him. Doth it not you? No. Doth your sin, or sickness more trouble you? or had you rather have grace or health? Grace. Well then. But it cannot be. God will wash you. But I have no water. God will bring it with him. He hath denied it. He hath offered it by his Ministers, which are as the buckets to draw and pour it out. You must not look now, that God should come to you himself; do you think it a small favour of God, that so many good friends come to you? God sent none to comfort Cain, and Achitophel. Think of that saying of Manoahs' wife. If the Lord were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a offering, and a meat offering at our hands, neither would he have showed us all these things, judg. 13.23. etc. Behold the properties of Christ's sheep. First, they are weak. Secondly, they are sick. Thirdly, broken. Fourthly, driven away. Fifthly, Lost. You are such. See your comfort. First, he will strengthen. Secondly, heal. Thirdly, bind up. Fourthly, bring again. Fifthly, he will seek you. You find yourself a great debtor, The Lord hath pardoned, only he looks you should come to him for acquittance: This fight is not yours, but the Lords, put your trust in him. If you ask me, how may I? 2 Chron. 20.20. It followeth, Believe his Prophets, and you shall prosper. You may remember that Christ did pray for Peter, that his faith might not fail; Luk. 22.32 but it failed afterward: How came it to pass? That failing did rather strengthen it; for whereas he gloried, Mat. 26.33 that if all should forsake Christ, yet he would not, Had he been asked, Dost thou promise this by thine own strength, or by mine? He must here needs have answered, mine. For otherwise he would have requested his help. This happens to you, because you credit the suggestions of carnal reason, and not the Word, rather, Oh, the cunning of the adversary! Deal with him, not by cunning, but hold him to the Word, seek for strength in God to resist sin. You may see the Apostles in the tempest, it was from their weakness, that they disinherited, yet of God they prayed. I cannot pray. Hear what Saint James saith, Jam. 5.13. Is any man afflicted, etc. Afflictions further prayer, but must sickness hinder? wherefore, behold your friends, whose minds as the Lord hath stirred up to pray for you, so will he stir up himself to hear them; their prayers are yours: yea, you have the prayers of many which never knew you. And as God said to Cain, Gen. 4.7. Sin lieth at the door, ready as it were to devour him; so his promised blessing, doth as it were, expect you. If your salvation were now in your own hands, it is likely you would yield up all, but your name is written in the heart of Christ. Sir, let me watch with you this night. No. Why? Because it might hurt me. He fearing the conclusion said, Here is a snatching argument. Nay rather I will not suffer you, because you would trouble me. In the morning M. Dod came to him again, and asked him how he did? he answered, Lamentably, wretchedly, miserably. No stamp of grace in me. Do you desire to be eased? Infinitely. Oh if God would give me but a drop! I was so foolish, I always would be doing of something, yet nothing well. I pray you what was the calling of the good thief upon the Cross? Do you not think that God can put a distinction betwixt his grace and your corruption? Behold the Church sometimes hopeless and helpless, as Jonah in that his bed, God seethe your thoughts, but you see not him. But I feel horror. Where misery is, there is grace much more. Then especially appears the excellency of the physician, when health is the least hoped. The devil doth abuse your mind and tongue against yourself: but doubt not, the Lord will cast down the strong holds of carnal reason: only do not suppress that grace of God, which although it appear but small, 1 King. 18.44. as big a cloud as a man's hand, yet it shall be increased, as a mighty rain, by which your dry soul shall be moistened. Christ rising again from the dead, did first appear to Mary Magdalen that sinner; Mat. 28. Luke 24. Joh. 20.16, 18. and after commanded to tell it first to Peter * Mark 16.7. , which had denied him: see there is mercy. The godly in their afflictions do but forget their comforts; God helps their memory, helps all; the godly losing the sense of God's favour, is like to a man that hath lost his purse, which if he could find, he is rich enough; but the wicked cannot be brought to remembrance, they never knew it. Thus he suffered him to rest a while, afterwards turning, he rested, and others prayed. Then he was asked how he did? Miserably. Do you not search into the secrets of God? It is too true and manifest. Sir, do not always be digging at your sin; a wound always rubbed, cannot be cured; suffer the plaster of the word of God to rest upon it, that it may be helped. Oh if I had, Oh if it would please God I had rather than any thing in this, or twenty thousand worlds besides! He now giveth this good desire unto you, Of ourselves we cannot think a good thought; 2 Cor. 3.5. Phil. 2.13. God giveth both the will and the deed: A desire is a sure token. But I cannot truly desire. You do not desire falsely, and therefore truly. What do you dissemble? Here is a trick; you must needs distinguish betwixt imperfect desire, and hypocritical; Would you know whether your desire be true? There be two signs thereof. First, Constancy; And secondly, a conscionable using of the means. You have found these in you. Doth this argument hold? You do not feel it, therefore you have it not. I know when you would have denied such an argument. If that did follow, it should far well with the reprobate, He hath no sense of the wrath of God, therefore he is not under it. Luk. 1.43. Elizabeth said, Whence is it that the mother of my Lord should come to me? So say you. Whence is it that so many of the servants of the Lord do come to me? Surely from their Christian hearts. Truly, I could hardly come to you, but that I thought I was bound in conscience, because I know you to be the servant of the Lord. When you were well, if we should have come with proofs out of the word of God, you would have believed us. Yes. Why not now when your judgement is blinded? Oh the judgement of God Call it as He calleth it, Correction. Oh my miserable heart! Oh death! A dead man cannot perceive himself dead, and God quickeneth the dead. Oh if he would enlarge my soul! This desire is good. But it is without savour. God in mercy will yield you a comfortable relish. Consider I pray you, whereas you may object, the Lord is strong, and terrible: Exod. 34.6 it followeth: Merciful withal. But I am backward in seeking it. He is gracious, more forward than you can be backward But I have provoked him. He is slow to anger. But my sins are great. But he is abundant in goodness and truth; The Lord hath promised that He on his part, will be our God, and we on our part, shall be his people. For a while he commended him to God, shortly after returning, he prayed with him. Cast your burden upon the lord He hath rejected me. Who made you his counsellor? Deut. 29.29. Secre● things belong unto God, but revealed things to us: wil● you make Almanacs? He doth manifest it: Oh my abominable bringing up of youth! he withal groaned most deeply. If you had done as the justest man, you should stand need of Christ's merits. I, or another may bring arguments, but it belongs unto God to fasten them upon the soul: I say to you as Noah said to Japhet, Gen. 9.2. God shall enlarge Japhet, etc. What if your sins were as crimson? God can make them as snow. Isai. 1.18. That is true of those that are capable. Behold we make your estate our own, we have part of your sorrow: who hath thus disposed our souls think you? God. And do you think that he which causeth us to love you, doth not love you himself? I fear I did too much glory in matters of private service to God. The nearer we come to God, the more we see our own vileness; This is the use I make of it. Blessed be God, who hath not put our estate in the devil's hands, but kept it in his own. The devil hath now removed you, and you think that all is gone out, but God knows what, and who is his. An artificer can distinguish dross from mettle, and cannot God his from yours? Well, with Job lay your hand on your mouth, Job 40.4. and hold your peace: and so good rest have you. Only, consider your comfort, though it be but small, whence it comes; from God's word, and servants, no otherwise. When he returned again, to give and take farewell, he began to complain, Oh great and grievous! The Lord knoweth what power he hath given you; A father will put a greater burden, on a stronger son: but see the difference. First, when an earthly father or Master, setteth his servant or son on work, they must do it with their own strength; but the Lord setteth on work, & giveth strength too. Be not discouraged, you are now in your calling. Oh my soul is miserable! What then: a father loveth his son as well when he is sleeping as waking. joh. 14.26. The holy Ghost calls to remembrance, what you have heretofore taught, and now heard, and although I shall be absent in body, yet shall I be present in mind: Be not covetous to seek abundance, by and by. If Jacob could say to Esau, Gen. 33.10 I have seen thy face, as if I had seen the face of God; much more should you think so of the children of God. Christ come unto you! I thank God, he hath begun to ease me. He will in his good time. God grant. Thus he took his last farewell. Although we depart from our friends in the way, yet we shall meet in the end. One told Master Dod that he had uttered such words, Now the Lord hath made me a spectacle. Whereby he counselled one, that attended him, to be sparing in admitting comers in, or speakers, lest his brain should be too much heated. A friend of his coming to him, asked him, Dare you any more repine against God? Why should I so? God be blessed! It is a sign of grace. But I have no means. You have had them offered. But not given with effect. They shall I doubt not. God grant, but I feel it not. He received a letter from a friend very respectively, and much respected of them both, wherein these words were written. I heard, I know not how true, that our dear Christian friend Master Peacock, is in great danger, which hath much grieved and afflicted my soul, and wrung from me very bitter tears; if his extremities be such, his tentations sure be like to be very sore. Tell him from me, as one who did ever with dearest loving affection know, and converse with him, that I can assure him in the word of life, and truth, from a most just and holy God, whose Minister I am, that he is undoubtedly one of his Saints, designed for immortality, and those endless joys in another world. When it was read to him, at these words I can assure him, he said, Oh take heed, take heed. Do you think that he would or durst assure you, unless he knew upon what grounds? I deceived myself, now God hath revealed more. Another time one requested him that he would make his friends partakers of the least comfort that the Lord had bestowed upon him, as they had been partakers of his grief. If I had it, I would gladly communicate it. Search and take notice of the least. How should I have any sense? God denyeth the means. Do you think sense is a fruit of faith? Yes. At this season, * For it was in the deep of Winter, Decemb. 4. 1611. although though the husbandman hath sown much, yet he sees nothing above ground. Applications do not prove, hold your peace, my soul is broken. Then the promise is yours. I would gladly ask you one thing. Now you will ask twenty. Do you seek for grace in your soul? I cannot. How then can you know whether it be there or not? It is dead. The Lord in whose hands the disposing thereof is, disposeth it for your good and his glory. I thank you. What do you think of that place? Joh. 20.23. Whosesoever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them.— You know how far they may go. The bargain howsoever is not now to be made betwixt God and you. Shortly after came one whom he much esteemed, Oh I love (said he) your company for the grace that is in you; and much more to the same purpose. Suddenly after he breaks out into this ejaculation. Oh God reconcile me unto thee, that I may taste one dram of grace, by which my miserable soul may receive comfort. One secretly willed that man to desire him to repeat it again. Do not trouble me with repetitions. There being a Sermon, he bade them about him to go thither. After he called one, and asked him, Whether the preacher (being acquainted with his course of preaching) did use his accustomed divisions. He told one, Satan had borne him in hand, and had deluded him. To whom the other answered: I hope that God will restore you as before to glorify him. No, no. Yea, were you weaker, I would hope notwithstanding. I desire nothing more. God be thanked you have laboured carefully for his glory. I would labour after another fashion. In the night he prayed, and repeated his Belief, and after, resting a while, he called those that watched with him. Bear witness that I said not I believe, but in general, as desiring I might believe. One coming to visit him, asked him, how is it with you? My mind was grievously possessed with sundry distractions this night, but I feel my burden now more light, I thank God. He was put in mind of that, Oh thou afflicted and tossed with tempests, Isai. 54.11. ver. 7, 8, 9 and not comforted, etc. For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee, etc. He lifted up his eyes. Thereupon he being asked what the Lord did say to his soul, that had long refused comfort. Take heed. Be not too bold, look to the foundation: and then he prayed, Lord give me the comfort of thy deliverance, and forgive me my foolishness, that I may praise thy name. When he complained of his idle speeches, on the Sabbath day, One came to him, willing him to put his hand to a certain note of debts. This is not a day for that, We will go to the Sermon. God speed you. Now you cannot go to the Church to serve the Lord, I will pray him to come to you. Amen. He hardly suffered any to stay with him. At evening one did read something of M. Downehams' Warfare, and asked him, Do you think it to be true? Yes. Therefore you must not trust your sense. What not such as mine are? but I will not now dispute. When they were helping of him up, and putting on his clothes, upon some occasion one said unto him to this effect. A child will not much grieve at the laying aside of an old coat, when he hath a new one made: When you shall put on that, there shall be no longer nakedness, the resurrection will amend all. To those that die in the Lord. No doubt you will die in the Lord, having lived in him: I have answered you before. But I would not believe you in that case. The next day a friend of his being to go out of the town, asked him, whether he would have any thing with him, for he was to leave him, and knew not whether he should ever see him again or no. Here (quoth he) look to your calling, that it be as well inward as outward. He counselled another, To be stirring for the glory of God. One standing by; he said, I am thinking how to get grace; Put your trust in God. So I do. I omit to tell you, how with great patience he continually submitted himself to advise in any means, for his good; In putting his temporal estate in order; he dealt mercifully with his poor debtors, yea, with some which were able enough to pay it. His worthy Patron (for so he often called him) whom for honour's sake I name, Sir Robert Harlo, sent his man to him, with some potable gold, together with a book which a Doctor had made in praise thereof: coming to him, ask him how he did, Oh said he, If it would please God that I might live with him! Anon after, he said to one, I have been thinking of arguments, by which I might plead my cause with God, and I have found. But what if dying thus, I should be judged an Apostata. Man is not the judge at whose Tribunal you must stand or fall. There came in many of our chief fellows. One of them requested him to make confession of his faith. Willingly, but I will think of it first: Musing a while, he said, here, Truly my heart and soul have been far lead, and deeply troubled with tentations, and stings of conscience, but I thank God, they are eased in good measure. Wherefore I desire that I may not be branded with the note of a forlorn reprobate, and castaway, such questions, and oppositions, and all tending thereunto, I renounce. Now help me once, and put me in mind. What do you think of your former doctrine? Most true, in it have I lived, and in it will I die. I dealt hypocritically in it. Are you willing to die? Truly, I will tell you. My Patron who of late sent me potable gold, hath taken order, that I might live with him in the Ministry, but I commit myself to the will of God. Do you desire the glory of God, and the salvation of your brethren? What more? Do you forgive all wrongs? Yes, and desire that mine might be forgiven me. And now I thank you Sir, I remember a thing wantonly done towards you, (pointing at one present) you sent me a knife for a new year's gift; and I ●yed two verses to it, and sent it back. I pray you pardon me it. If in any thing I have offended by my inconsiderate speeches in the time of my tentations, I hearty, and humbly ask mercy and forgiveness of God for them all: You did then (saith one) rely upon inherent righteousness, as if you sought in yourself whereby you should be saved. Indeed, we know your conversation to be unreprovable. No, I dare not affirm it. I trust in nothing but in the name of Jesus. Have you any certainty in him? I would not he pressed to a particular assurance, in this grievous agony. We desire you to inform them, that come to you, of your estate. My unability is great. They then prayed, giving God thanks, that whereas before they had craved his mercy for his servant, he had heard them, and manifested to his glory, how he never forsaketh his: and besought him, because he knew the malice of his enemy, to perfect his good work, and not suffer him to be tempted above his strength. Now Sir, we tell you one thing for your comfort, we never heard you speak aught against God or man, throughout the time of your visitation, but wholly against yourself. I have been bold thus to argue with God, if he hath showed mercy to such, and such, why should not I likewise have hope? He complained once, while he was visiting the sick (in which work many poor souls found the ready mercifulness of his soul, and now feels a great want) he lighted upon doubts, that he might more fully satisfy, when the like might be moved, he studied too earnestly. One brought him a Notebook which he had lent, he being always willing to communicate what he had most private: Here is a book (quoth he) of great pains. To a stranger, a worthy Gentleman, that came to visit him, he said, The Lord is merciful to me, and I have cause of rejoicing. Afterward a reverend governor came to him, to whom he complained of his sin, and misery. You look not (saith he) for any thing in yourself? No. You would amend if you had space? Oh if I had, certainly. Think on this, the Lord hath heard the ejaculations of your spirit in your infirmities. So he will now, If he will be glorified by your life, submit yourself to him. Let him choose for you. My saith is weak. All (you know) here, are but in part sanctified. You desire now notwithstanding, to come to that which is perfect, for you may see how many have been brought home to the Lord. Some have been Idolaters: was not Manasseh such a one? 2 Chro. 33.12, 13. Yes. And behold Gods servants from the beginning of the Bible to the end, have slipped. Gen. 19.33 35. Lot had shrewd slips, but yet hear the testimony of the Apostle concerning him. 2 Pet. 2.7, 8 He was just and righteous, &c You have been weary and heavy laden. Yes. For such is the end of Christ's coming. Come unto me all that are weary, Mat. 11.28. etc. Your desire is a token of favour, for by how much the nearer we come to Christ, the more we thirst. Think now of his loving kindness, he that began, he will finish, Phil. 1.6. whom you have served. I did. But with what vile imperfections? It is the greatest perfection here, to see your imperfections. Shortly after came to him many young Gentlemen, to whom he said. Live in God's fear, that you may die in his favour, otherwise the Ox and the Ass will condemn you. I spent my time foolishly, and prodigally. You have said and remembered that sufficiently: remember also Christ, That is true, Christ is to be remembered, and our sins to be remembered also; Then he told us also that the use of reason did begin to fail him. The night following (which was Wednesday at night) the Sun of Righteousness spread gracious beams at his setting, Mal. 4.2. which were comfortable tokens of a glorious rising. This last Swan-like-Song, as he uttered it, was penned by some as he uttered it: One comforting him by his bedside, some two hours or more before his death, he broke out into these speeches. Quid de salute measentiam, expectatis explicarem? usque adeo indulget Deus iis, quos semel dilexerit, ut eos nunquam deserat, atque ideo in coelos me transiturum pro certo habeo; foelicissima sunt ea vincula, in quibus me confixit Deus meus benignissimus. Do you expect to hear from me, what I believe concerning my eternal salvation? Truly God doth for ever so endearedly tender, and is so unconceivably merciful to all those whom he hath once loved, that he never finally doth forsake them; and therefore I am most assuredly confident, that I shall departed from hence into heaven. Happy! thrice happy be those cords of affliction in which my most gracious God hath tied and bound me! One telling him, You have fought a good fight. Expedit, expedit, ut contendam ad coelum, tollite, tollite, eripite, ut coelum adeam: De●● indulget ingenuitati bonorum. It behoves, it behoves me to strive for heaven. Lift me up, help me out, rid me hence, that I may pass strait to heaven. God favourably accepts the endeavours of his Saints. Being put in mind of God's mercy towards him, he answered, Oh the sea is not so full of water, nor the Sun of light, as God of goodness: His mercy is ten thousand times more. Being likewise remembered of God's goodness toward him, in filling his soul with such comfort, after so great tentation; he said, I do (God be praised) feel such comfort from that (what shall I call it?) Agony; saith one that stood by: Nay, that is too little, that if I had five thousand worlds, I could not make satisfaction for such an issue. Being moved to lift up his soul, in token of thanksgiving to his God, he uttered these words, What should I extol the magnificence of God, which is unspeakable, and more than any soul can conceive? Nay rather, let us with humble reverence acknowledge his great mercy. What great cause have I to magnify the goodness of God, that hath humbled, nay rather, that hath exalted such a wretched miscreant, and of so base condition, to an estate so glorious and stately? The Lord hath honoured me with his goodness: I am sure he hath provided a glorious Kingdom for me. The joy that I feel in my soul is incredible. He made like use of that which he always before taught, touching Justification by imputed righteousness; and appealing to the knowledge of some there present, what he continually maintained, in that (saith he) I still remain a Protestant. After three Chapters read to him, in Revel. 19.20, 21. and the eighth to the Romans: Oh said he, they be glorious comforts! Will you have any more read? Yes, A Psalm if you please, and named the hundred three and twentieth. One beginning to read it, he desired that it might be sung. One ask him, will you sing? Yea, said he, as well as I can. The Psalm being sung, afterward the seventeenth of S. John was read unto him. One comforting him in applying that in particular, which Christ in general performed, for the good of the faithful, he said, Blessed be God often. I am a thousand times happy, to have such felicity thrown upon me, a poor wretched miscreant. After a little rest, Lord Jesus (said he) into thy hands I commit my spirit. Lord receive my soul, Lord lift thou up the light of thy countenance upon me, and be merciful unto me. Then, very weak, he repeated the Lords prayer twice, and his Belief once, very plainly and distinctly, with a strong voice, to the great admiration of the hearers. And so he slept in the Lord. December 4. 1611. FINIS. IMPRIMATUR. Johannes Hansley, Martii 14. 1640.