THE Distressed Welshman, Born in TRINITY-LANE: WITH A Relation of his Unfortunate ●●a●ls.  
Printed by and for T. Norris, at the Looking-glass on London-bridge.   

The Distressed Welshman.  

IF any ask hur what hur am,  
hur is a gentleman;  
If you will not believe hur, then  
go into Trinity-lane;  
For there hur was born and bred,  
and afterwards begotten;  
And there hur hopes to lay hur head,  
when all hur bones are rotten.  
All you good People, that intent  
to recreate your mind,  
Read o'er this Story to the end,  
peruse these simple Lines:  
Upon a time it chanced so,  
that T●●●y did decree  
To leave ●●r Country, for to go  
to seek hur destiny.  
Now hur prepares for hur depart,  
and bids them all farewell;  
Hur goes away with all hur heart,  
this 〈◊〉 likes hur well▪  
Was travel up to London-town,  
to see the City brave;  
Hur in the streets walks up and down,  
what, think hur was a Slave?  
No, hur hath Money in her Poke,  
although hur Friends are small;  
Nay, more than that, hur hath a Cloak  
to co●●● hur withal▪  
And as hur walk along along the street,  
the City for to see,  
A sheating Quean doth Taffy meet,  
and robs him craftily.  
Now he perceives when she was gone,  
his money all was lost,  
And after hur in haste did run,  
it was no time to boast:  
But all in vain for she's too swift,  
she leaveth him behind:  
Now he to study some new shift,  
applies his angry mind.  
Now hur laments hur evil Fate,  
and bitter destiny;  
For hur is left to such a State,  
her knows not where to lie.  
Cots-splutter-a-nails, he than replies,  
hur knows not what to do,  
For hur hath seen her better days,  
and bid them all adieu;  
Hur doth lament and weep for grief,  
at hur unhappy loss;  
Hur seeks about for some relief,  
but all in vain it was.  
At length hur came into a shop,  
where meat was to be sold;  
Hur fits hur down, gins to knock;  
the knave was somewhat bold.  
Hur doth begin, and thus do say,  
hur was a Gentleman;  
Hur time was short, nor cannot stay,  
for hur must soon begun:  
Hur business at the Court remains,  
hur thither must retire,  
Or else hur loses all her gains,  
O hur was not 〈◊〉.  
And then his Hostess all in haste,  
brought to him dishes store,  
And he by turn on each doth 〈◊〉,  
there is no need of more.  
In little time he doth suffice  
his hunger that was great,  
And from the table he doth rise,  
leaving but little me●●.  
And then he calls a little boy,  
thus unto him he said,  
I give thee this, stay here while I  
go see the reckoning paid.  
The Boy more greedy of his gift,  
than of his Master's gain,  
To eat up all he makes great shift,  
while Taffy ru●s amain.  
This being done mark one thing more▪  
now he hath made escape,  
He calls to mind the day before  
hur lost hur whole estate.  
Therefore hur walks the streets along,  
to see if there were any,  
That could redress poor Taffy's wrong,  
or help him to his money.  
And as he walked he met the Que●●  
that picked his poke before,  
Was coming to him once again,  
to see if there were more.  
When Taffy saw, he knew her face,  
and runs to her with speed;  
But it was to his disgrace,  
as you'll hereafter read.  
Cots-splutter-a-nails, this is the Thief  
did steal the money from hur.  
And robbed hur of all hur relief,  
now hur doth seize upon hur.  
This made the Welshman son to smile,  
though he herself did know,  
Before this but a little while  
hur served hur Hostess so.  
This sheet for fear of future wrong,  
did to the People say,  
He robbed me as I went along,  
and so he run away:  
The People hearing her report,  
Taffy away they haul  
Into the Session's-house-court,  
to plead before them all.  
And as they dragged him through the street,  
although his case was poor,  
It chanced so that he did meet  
the Cook he robbed before.  
Now Taffy must endure the heat,  
before the Judge's he's brought;  
The Cook indicts him for his meat,  
the Woman for his fault.  
Now Taffy knowing what was done,  
nothing at all did say;  
But at the last to speak begun,  
was robbed the other day:  
Hur sheating Trot was pick hur poke,  
and rob hur by craft,  
Then hur was forced to pawn her cloak,  
no other help was left;  
And than hurself doth wander to  
a victualling-house with speed;  
Was call for meat, was tell to you,  
hur hunger for to feed.  
When hur was come into the house,  
hur Hostess brought good store,  
And hur doth taste of every dish,  
while hur could eat no more.  
Now hur was going for to pay  
for what hurself did eat,  
And as hur looked another way,  
hur spies out this shame sheet:  
Then hur pursued her, whilst at last  
was catch hur by the arm:  
Then she turned back, catcht me as fast,  
hur had the greater harm.  
The Justice hearing all was done,  
and that they did abuse him,  
In order calls them one by one,  
so kindly he did use him:  
But Taffy's tongue could not r●●r●in,  
was tell hur all hur mind;  
He often cries, was ugly Quean,  
cots-splut, will beat hur blind.  
'twill not prevail, 'twas all in vain,  
Taffy must surely die,  
It was not time to speak again,  
great was his villainy.  
Now Taffy knows not what to do,  
to die sentence is given;  
Will hur believe? was tell her true,  
was sure to go to Heaven.  
These words did please the People wel●●,  
they all were bend to laughter;  
But mark what unto her befell,  
the worst of all comes after.  
Just like an Image Taffy stands,  
and dares not move at all,  
But at the last he wrings his hands,  
and on his knees did fall;  
Was pray hur Justice, Jesus sake,  
nor Judge her to be hanged:  
Some other Sorrows let her take,  
hur fears not to be hanged.  
The Justice then to him replies,  
Thou shalt not hanged be;  
Cots-splut and ouns, the Welshman cried,  
great thanks was give to thee.  
Ay, but the Justice speaking on,  
did much increase hur sorrow,  
Thy hand shall burned be none;  
yea, almost burned thorough.  
This liked not the Welshman well,  
yet hur had rather hid,  
To see the Suburbs of black Hell,  
than in the town to ride.  
Hold up thy hand, the ●angman said,  
where I shall thee appoint,  
This made poor Taffy sore afraid,  
was wish 'twas out of joint.  
The Hangman then to him did say,  
When I the Iron bring,  
Hold thy head another way.  
say thrice, God save the King:  
The Hangman he makes no delay,  
but quickly clapped it too;  
God save, plut, 'twas hot, her says,  
was almost burned through.  
The People all did laugh outright,  
while he did weep as fast:  
The Hangman put him to a fright,  
says, All his grief's not past:  
He tells him he must burn once more,  
because he did not sing,  
As he had taught him once before,  
three times, God save the King.  
Cots-splut an ouns, was make her cry,  
Cot bless her burning arm,  
Excuse hur to hur Majesty,  
hen hur hath all the harm.  
This being done the Justice frees  
poor Taffy by the law,  
But yet, alas, was pay hur fees,  
or all's not worth a straw:  
This one thing grieves hur most at last,  
than all was done before,  
Hur is not yet gone clearly passed,  
for there is one thing more.  
The Keepers asked him for his fees,  
which vexed the Welshman ●o●e,  
Hur has no score for aught hur know,  
was pay her all before:  
Was ask hur now for Keeper's fees,  
hur had no shink at all,  
Hur may not buy no leeks nor sheese,  
her substance is so small:  
Was prav hur Keeper open door,  
as hur may truly swear,  
As hur was never here before,  
will never more come there.  
The Keeper hearing what he said,  
was moved unto laughter,  
Poor Taffy he no longer stayed,  
Take heed, quoth he, hereafter.  
Now he hath scaped the Keeper's Claws,  
and hath his freedom won:  
His mind is bend to learn the laws,  
and now hur hath began:  
Forthwith th'th' Court hur goes with speed,  
a Lawyer's Clerk to be,  
Yet he could neither write nor read,  
O, the more is the pity.  
Now her was asked what hur were,  
hur was a Gentleman,  
And hath suffered many a Loss,  
thus hur Complaint began:  
But hur will rather hid the Pain,  
a Lawyer's Man to be,  
Before hur will return again  
into her own Country.  
Although you know your Calling ill,  
yet hur delights to live  
A Servant to your Pleasure's will,  
if hur will hur believe,  
Hur never loved hur Bones should Work  
at any tollsome Trade,  
But hur likes best to be a Clerk.  
mark well what hur hath said;  
His Master asked him if he had  
●●●●n'd Latin Book, or Greek,  
What think hur was a Man was mad,  
was think hur cannot speak:  
Was learned hur A B C three times o'er,  
before hur had a primer;  
And now hur had no need of more,  
hur has enough within hur.  
Now they did ask if hur could read  
a Lawyer's written Scroll:  
Now Taffy has nothing to plead,  
he cannot Read at all:  
Kind Reader, judge, is this thing true,  
which Taffy hath decreed.  
He swears he'll write as well as you,  
tho' he could never read?  
It was decreed for Taffy then  
to learn his Book apace,  
And next day to return again  
into the selfsame place;  
Next day betimes to the Place he goes,  
from whence he d●d proceed,  
What he had learned no Man knows,  
he tells them he can read:  
He meets his Master in the hall,  
was tell hur what was do,  
Was write. God bless us on a wall,  
and hur was read it too.  
The People then did laugh at him,  
was thought hur was in Heaven,  
Because to read hur did begin  
the Sentence that was written:  
God bless me then, forthwith he said,  
which when the People heard,  
Said, Taffy, you have falsely prayed,  
as by your words appeared:  
Hur was not wrong, was tell untrue,  
was sure was no mistake,  
Pray for herself, and not for you,  
lest God should hur forsake.  
'Twas wisely done, as I may say,  
of such a Fool as he;  
And he must write all the next day  
to gain a Lawyer's fee;  
Hur taketh hur seat, was bravely placed,  
than pen and ink doth take,  
A pattern was before hur face,  
like to like he must make:  
And as it happened there did see  
his true copy before him,  
An ape's picture was hanging by,  
and Taffy did adore him.  
Now Taffy thought that was the rule  
that he was for to follow;  
Behold the wisdom of a Fool  
goes far beyond Apollo.  
He makes a form, as I am told,  
would make a Man to tremble,  
And if that I may be so bold,  
it did himself resemble.  
Cots-spl●t, was picture fine and brave,  
was like hur 〈◊〉 well.  
Hur picture to hur Master gay,  
see what to him befell.  
Sirrah, I told thee thou shouldst make  
what was before thee written;  
Therefore thou must for thy mistake,  
with many stripes be beaten.  
Cots-splutter-a nails, will serve hur so?  
will they with hur no longer,  
To seek hur fortune hur will go,  
and hur away will wander.  
Now Taffy tells me he hath land,  
was lief ●o hur in Wales.  
And hur'll possess it out of hand,  
because hur Fortune fails:  
But then the Master tells him he  
would beg his whole estate,  
Because of his simplicity,  
a wiser Man should ha●e  
But now hur sees there is no cause  
why hur should lose hur land,  
For hur hath learned the English laws,  
hur wears it in hur hand.  
Now Taffy tells them that before  
hur dearly bought hur learning,  
Such pain was make hur cry and roar,  
whilst hur poor hand was burning:  
But all in vain, it will not do,  
they threaten his estate,  
Then he realies, The Devil take you,  
such Rogue's shal● never have't.  
Hur Father wise, got hur a Fool,  
as you report of me;  
Why may nor hur with hur long tool  
beget as wise as he?  
Hur will not lose hur own estate,  
indeed was tell hur true,  
Was sure hur has a wiser pa●●  
than give it unto you!  
His words prevail against his Focs,  
his land shall not be given  
To any that do him oppose,  
O then hur is in Heaven:  
But now her knows not where to go,  
nor whither to betake hur,  
Hur has no Friends a● hur do know,  
all People did forsake hur;  
Though hur has land and money slo●●,  
yet hur has no possession,  
Therefore in England hur is poor,  
that is hur own confession.  
Now hur was gone through thick and thin,  
to seek hur better fare,  
New course of life hur doth begin,  
the old is out of date:  
O hur was hungry, cold, and dry,  
hur knows no Friend at all,  
A victualling-house her did espy,  
ay, but hur wealth his small.  
Was enter in as hur may say,  
to seek for some relief,  
Hur sits hur down and there did stay,  
next day hur proved a Thief:  
Was ask hur Hostess then indeed  
if hur had any meat;  
Hur Hostess brought hur ought with speed,  
calf's head and heels to eat;  
Was leave hur heels, and eat hur head,  
as hur hath truly sworn:  
Will eat no more, but go to bed,  
and take hur heels i'th' morn.  
The morning was come the heels was brought,  
Taffy did kindly take them:  
He gives his Hostess not a gro●t,  
and so he doth forsake them.  
Now Taffy let them, and is fled,  
but cannot hold his bragging;  
But mark how Taffy after sped,  
his Tongue must still be wagging.  
They apprehended his Person,  
and to the Justice bring him,  
And in the street before all Men  
into a Prison fling him:  
'Twill not repay his villainy,  
they put him in the stocks,  
From hence into the pillory,  
with many lusty knocks,  
Nay, more than this, the Welshman shall,  
(as it shall soon appear)  
Suffer a loss before them all,  
the Cock must have his ear:  
Be Cot hur stay, hur shall not cut,  
hur ear from of hur head,  
But if so he hur must have it,  
shall be when hur is dead.  
But this is vasn, it will not serve,  
the Hangman takes it off,  
And bravely he his flesh doth carve,  
whilst all the People laugh.  
This vexed Taffy to the heart,  
will not appeased be,  
His ear-root doth so much smart,  
fills hur with misery.  
The hangman he then presently  
did shake the newcut ear,  
And Taffy he fell in a swoon,  
to see hur blood lie there.  
They brought him Water strong and small,  
to bring his life again,  
He riseth up before them all,  
O Taffy was not slain;  
And then he goes out of the Crew,  
for so he he thought it best,  
Was Pox and Devil both take you,  
and so away he passed:  
Now Taffy in the field doth pass,  
to rid him out of danger,  
But the poor Man was here, alas!  
abused by a Stranger?  
Then to the common butts he goes,  
to see the Archers aim,  
And one of them shot him in th' nose,  
was almost splir in twain:  
And now the arrow there doth stay  
while Taffy our doth take it;  
If hur shoot hur here again, I say,  
cots-splutter a-nails, will break it,  
He kindly give the arrow back  
unto the Man that shot it;  
And thus poor Taffy goes to wrack,  
but he hath not forgot it:  
The Archers knowing what he was,  
could not refrain from laughter;  
But Taffy, I would thee advise  
take heed of them hereafter.  
Well, 'tis no time for him to stay,  
for he doth victuals need;  
He seeks for victuals by the way,  
his hunger for to feed;  
At length he seeks a bed of leeks,  
as he was passing by,  
And how to steal them out he seeks,  
to study policy:  
Now Taffy boldly enters in  
the thick and thorny hedge,  
The which did tend and tear his skin,  
was almost break hur legs:  
Now Taffy is in, the good Mass' dog  
comes running for to by't him,  
He lies as still as any hog,  
was ready to beshit him:  
The dog did by't him by the breeches,  
and rend his coat in twain;  
Instead of pulling up more leeks,  
he lays them down again:  
And as it chanced Taffy had  
within his poke a knife,  
And presently he drew the blade,  
and robbed the dog of's life;  
Then out the good Man comes in haste,  
hearing the dog to cry,  
And down knocked Taffy at the last,  
he on the ground doth lie.  
The good Man asked him who he was,  
and how that he came thither?  
Hur saith, Was frighted by a Bear,  
and so was forced thither.  
The old Man did search his breeches,  
his villainy to know;  
There he espied a bunch of leeks,  
and would not let him go.  
Now he must to the Justice go,  
and there he must be tried:  
All which was to increase his woe,  
which he could not abide:  
He must endure the rigid Laws,  
as he had done before,  
Must lose his Lar now for this Cause,  
to pay the Gard'ners' score.  
O this was grieve hur to the heart,  
and puts hur in a fear,  
Now hur must feel another smart,  
to lose hur other ear.  
The hangman looks for Taffy's ear,  
which was cut off before;  
But he could never find it there,  
which vexed the hangman sore.  
I prithee Friend, the hangman cries,  
tell me where I may find it?  
For by no means I can devise,  
mine eyes are so much blinded.  
Cots-splut, was Rogue, the Welshman said,  
hur think it is no reason,  
Hur should find ears upon hur head  
for every time and season:  
Did not not hur give, mark what I say,  
one of hur ears before,  
Therefore the Hangman now must stay,  
was like to have no more.  
Now all the People standing there  
did his Accuser p●ay,  
He should not take this other ear,  
but let him pass away:  
Forthwith they free him out of hand,  
and gave him charge that he,  
Should soon departed out of the land.  
into hur own Country.  
But hur resolved to stay a while,  
to seek hur better luck,  
Though Fortune did hur oft beguile,  
will have the other pluck:  
Now as for Silver hur has none,  
wos forced to play the Beggar,  
Hur to the People makes great 〈◊〉,  
it is no time to swagger;  
Hur to the People did consent  
to give him some relief  
Their pence apiece on him they spent,  
though he was but a Thief,  
Now Taffy thanks the People kind,  
God bless hur, night and day,  
Hur bears this kindness in hur mind,  
and so hur went away.  
O hur was glad with all hur heart,  
had money at hur will,  
Now hur will learn hur such an art,  
that hur will keep it still:  
No sheating Whore shall pick hur poke,  
hur warrant hur will save it.  
Was wrap it up within hur cloak,  
vone but hurself shall have it.  
Well, 'twas hur chance the other night  
to fall out with a Carter;  
The next day he with him must fight,  
now mark what follows after;  
When his blood is hor, he doth consent,  
to meet hur the next day;  
The lufty Carter now is bend  
at cudgels for to play:  
The day was come, the Carter stands,  
just at the place appointed,  
But Taffy he was hurt hur hands,  
and they must be anointed:  
Nay, more than this, his legs is hurt,  
can neither stand nor go;  
Indeed it is a famous art,  
and you the reason know.  
But afterwards they to him told  
that one to him was come,  
And in his poke had brought him gold;  
G—, then hur legs could run:  
Then to receive i● he did haste,  
was glad with all hur heart,  
And kindly he his Friend embraced  
and loath he was to part.  
O hur laments unto hur Friend,  
and tell hur evil 〈◊〉;  
But if you read unto the end,  
you'll hear of their departing.  
They walk together up and down,  
to tell each others mind,  
His Friend gave to him half a crown,  
there's twelve pence more behind.  
It is agreed betwixt them both,  
that they should spend the shilling;  
Then Taffy swears a binding Oah,  
that he was not unwilling.  
It is agreed that they should dine,  
both at a house together,  
They quickly called for bread and wine,  
as soon as they came thither:  
Each others health doth now go round,  
for they are void of care,  
The wine did Taffy quite confound,  
for he hath drank his share.  
Some words between these Friends there past,  
about their noble blood.  
Then up starts Taffy all in haste,  
his Friend had crossed his mood:  
Cots-splut, you Rogue, was hold hur tongue,  
or hur will crack nor crown,  
Will make hur pay for all hur wrong;  
and then he knocked him down.  
This being done, the People came,  
the reason for to know.  
They thought the Welshman had been 〈◊〉,  
but it was nothing so:  
His head was broke, as I may say,  
which to the heart did grieve him,  
It was not well the other day,  
if that you will believe him.  
Now Tafty knows not what to do,  
but he pays it off with thinking,  
It grieves him now I tell you true,  
to lose his Friend by drinking.  
Well, by the Law it is agreed,  
that Taffy must restore  
Fall three and four pence for the deed,  
to pay the bloody score.  
He pays it then with all his heart,  
was glad he escaped so,  
And he seeks for to departed,  
but ere that he must go,  
His Landlord then to him did sav,  
Pav what thou owest me,  
For there is twenty pence to pay,  
which I expect of thee.  
Cots splut, was tell hur what was due,  
as hur may clear the score,  
Was break hur head hur tell to you,  
and give her five groats more,  
For hur has broke hur Brother's head,  
and unto hur hath given  
Full three and four pence for the deed,  
'twixt nine groats and eleven.  
Then hereupon away he goes,  
he leaves the score to pay,  
But where he is, there's no Man knows,  
for he is fled away.  
Now Taffy's silver is all gone,  
there's not a penny left,  
And he travels all alone,  
to seek another shift:  
Into a travern than he goes,  
to be a Servant there,  
Because canary, Taffy knows,  
is better than small-beer.  
It was agreed for him to go,  
a Drawer for to be,  
No wages unto him they give,  
because he was not free:  
Now he is willing for to serve  
at any poor condition,  
That he might not with hunger starve,  
was glad of that profession.  
Yet he is subject unto jeers,  
rod flouts, as I suppose,  
Sometimes they tell him of his ears,  
and then his cloven nose,  
But Taffy now I would advise  
to b●ar with him all crosses,  
Let him be silent and be wise,  
for fear of greater losses,  
The next day being Sunday, he  
must go into the Temple,  
To heir English Divinety,  
but he is an ill Example:  
He takes his place, and it is ●igh  
unto the Preacher's feet,  
In little time that he did lie,  
he fell fast in asl●ep.  
The w●●e did work in Taffy's head,  
and that was all the reason:  
So Taffy lies as one that's dead,  
'twas for a little season,  
Awake, awake, the Preacher said,  
unto the People al●  
And then poor Taffy was afraid,  
〈…〉 body did 〈…〉:  
By and by, the Wel●●●●● cries,  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 sudden start,  
And ●ow he wipes 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 eyes,  
let slip a mighty 〈◊〉  
The People hearing Taffy's voice,  
did 〈◊〉 greatly ●●●●er,  
But other, they did 〈◊〉 the Sky,  
was almost spilt a●●●●er▪  
Now Taffy to 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 doubt,  
ariseth from 〈…〉,  
And when they saw his cloren snout,  
they knewly was Taffy's sound:  
Therefore it was the People's 〈◊〉:  
to drive him out of the Town,  
●ath Man doth prove to him unkind.  
the first Man 〈◊〉 him down.  
The Boys and Girls 〈◊〉 after him,  
〈◊〉 People doth him chase,  
Through the river 〈◊〉 must swim,  
was in a piteous case.  
But Taffy wished himself in hell,  
for hur was soee ●●●●ded,  
And now I wish the Reader well,  
for so my Story's end.   
FINIS.