A New and Pleasant HISTORY OF unfortunate Hodge OF THE South: Very pleasant and delightful to be read.  

Full of honest Mirth and Wit,  
The merriest book that e'er was writ.   
BY H. Crouch.  
LONDON, Printed for T. Leake, dwelling in Secole lane, 1655.   

 
CHAP. 1. The unfortunate Hodge of the SOUTH.  
HOdge being born in the South, in a dull climate, had bad fortune, little wit, crump shouldered, crook backed, goggle eyed, splayefooted, crooked legs, and so deformed, that he was hated of man woman, and child, insomuch, that he was constrained to travel from the South the place of his abode to the North, to seek his fortune; and coming to a gentleman's house, knocked at the door, and the Gentlemen of the house opened the door himself, but when he saw such a deformed creature, he was amazed, and thought it had beed the devil, but Hodge cried out, sir, be not afraid, I am a poor young man that wants a service; thou liest quoth the gentleman, thou art the devil no (quoth Hodge) I am Hodge, let me feel thee quoth the Gentleman, whether thou art flesh and blood or no; when he found how it was, the Gentleman entertained him into his service only to make him sport.   

CHAP. 2. How Hodge was sent of an Errand by his Master, and what happened.  
NOw it was so that the servants of the house could not endure Hodge being such a deformed creature, that the like was never seen in any Country before, insomuch that they plotted all that they could against him, and complained much of him to their Master, although he behaved himself never so well amongst them. Upon a time the Gentleman had occasion to send one of an Errand seven mlies mlies from that place, and calling to his household servants, asked them who was at most leisure to go of an Errand for him, they all replied that rog●…Hodg. for he hath nothing else to do, so the Gentleman sent Hodge with a letter seven miles from that place, but when Hodge came to the house where he was to deliver the letter, the servants of the house were all so afraid, that they ran in and told their Master, that of a certain the devil was 〈◊〉 the door, and for aught they knew, had brought ●… letter to him from hell, the master in a maze ran to the door, and asked Hodge what he was, and what business he had there, Hodge replied I am poor●…Hodge, the devil thou art quoth the Gentleman, ●… am quoth Hodge, and have brought you a lette●… from my master, so when the Gentleman had received. the letter, he bid him remember his love to hi●… master, but send the devil no more to him but Hodge was no sooner gone, but the servants of the house see the dogs at poor Hodge, and beat him sorely with staves, and afterwards reported abroad that they had beat the devil   

CHAP. 3. How Hodge return●…d home to his Master, and wha●… happened him by the way.  
NOW poor hodge being so pi●…ifully beaten by these gentleman's servants, as also very ho●…●…weary and s●…epy▪ and lazy withal, laid himself ●…n under a great oak in the middle of a field, no ●…ure near him but a stray Ox grazing close by him: now it happened that Hodge fell fast a sleep, and a company of thieves coming by, having no money to buy them victuals, nor no victuals to eat, searched Hodges' pockets, but finding nothing, resolved to kill the Ox that grazed by him, thinking the Ox to be his in way of revenge, so having killed the ox cut him with their swords in the middle, took half the ox with them to roast in the wood, and the other half they left behind, they were no sooner gone but the owner of the ox came to seek for his ox, and finding his ox to be killed and half of him taken away, and seeing such an ugly Creature lie a sleep, did conclude that Hodge was some devil or some monster that had not only killed his ox, but eaten him half up, and so filled his belly so full, that he was fallen fast a sleep, so when he had awaked him, he examined him what he was, and whose servant he was, Hodge staring upon him with his great goggle eyes, made the man afraid, told him whose servant he was, the man told him that for his part he took him to be some monster, and would apprehend him upon suspicion of eating up half his ox▪ Hodge denied it, and▪ told the man when he fell asl●…ep, he left the ox alive, but how he came to be so mangled he could not tell▪ nevertheless▪ the man had him home to his master and accused poor Hodge for eating up half his ox; his master said it was impossible, but the household servants which could not endure Hodge, came all out with one accord, and told their Master there was not such a great eater in all country as he was, especially at raw meat, and therefore they did not think it impossible for him to eat up half the man's ox, when the Gentleman heard this, he without any more ex●…mination of the matter▪ delivered him ●…p to the man, the man to the Justice, and the justice to the ho●…se or Co●…rection, where poor Hodge was severely punished for no offence.   

CHAP. 5. How Hodge was delivered out of Prison and sent of another Errand, and what happened.  
AFter Hodge had been sufficiently punished upon suspicion of eating half the Country man's ox, his master did intend to put him away, in regard the household servants could not endere him, but considering within himself that if he should put him away, he would have nonne left to make him merry, therefore upon that consideration he●… resolved to keep him and send him of an other Errand with a Letter to the same Gentleman he ween to before when he was taken upon suspicion of eating half the ox and of him to demand forty pounds, giving him charge to bring it home safe, which he promised to do, but when Hodge came ●…er the gentleman's house, the servants of the house perceiving him, ●…an in to their master and told him the devil was come again to bring him a Letter from hell, when the Gentleman came forth to Hodge, he asked him if his master had none to send but ●…ch a●… ill-favoured rogue as he was, how soever he took the Letter of him, read it over, and delivered the forty pound in a bag to him, and Hodge gave him an acquittance and departed▪ but the household servants had a plot against him, and got him down into the Wine seller, purposely to make him drunk so that he might lose his money by the way as he went home, that if it were possible his master might hang him for the same, so they made poor Hodge so drunk, that he could hardly go out of doors with his bag of money, but he reeled along till he came to the same tree where he lay when he was accused for eating half the ox and the●…e he fell fast a sleep with the bag of money by him. Now there was a pedlar being heavy laden, intended to rest himself under that tree, and finding hodge a sleep with a bag of money lying by him, made bold with the money that was in the bag, and put in his pack, and filled the bag with stones and oaken leaves, and when he had done so, he writ some few 〈◊〉, and put it into Hodges' pocket and went his way as fast as he could, now when Hodge awaked and found the bag of money (as he though) lying by him, he was right glad, and said to himself, Lord▪ what honest people live in this country, for I believe there hath been some that have passed by since I fell asleep, yet my bag is here, and my money safe, but when he came to his Master, and delivered the bag to him, behold there was nothing but stones and oaken leaves, which when his Master saw, he called to his servants, and charged them to that rogue Hodge and hang him, for he had conveyed hi●… money away to some of hi●… companions and filled the bag with stones and oaken leaves; when the servants heard thei●… Masters charge, they rejoyed great lie, and said he should not lack a hangman, so one of them took him and hanged him before their Master, no sooner was he turned off the Ladder, but he that hanged him put his hand in his pocket to feel for money, as it is the usual course for hangmen so to do, but instead of money he found nothing but a piece of paper, wherein was written these lines following, which were writ by the Pedlar.  

A bag of money here I found  
If any will it claim.  
I left it full upon the ground,  
Then how am I too blame.  
B●…t I suppose it is not thine  
That on the ground doth sleep▪  
The B●…g is thine, the money is mine,  
A fool can nothing keep.   
When the Gentleman read these lines, he perceived that he was cozened of his money as he laid a sleep, and commanded his servants to cut him down before he was dead; but the servants ran all away, and said they would see him hanged before they would cut him down, so the Gentleman was fain ●…o c●…t him down himself, and thinking with himself 〈◊〉 Hodge had punishment enough for his fault, dismissed him.   

CHAP. 5▪ How Hodge was made Scullion under the Master Cook and what happened.  
NOw the Gentleman called Hodge unto him, and said, Tho●… whoreson villain I will never hereafter trust thee to go of any Errand for me, I am now forty pounds the worse for thee, nevertheless I will put thee into office, and if thou wilt behave thyself well, thou shalt be scullion under the master Cook, so he called the cook, and bid him take Hodge into the kitchen to him, to help him in his affairs, which he did, but Hodge had better been under the great Turk, for the Cook used him so cruelly that he would not allow him so much as bread to make sops in the pan, so that he was almost starved; upon a time Hodge had stolen some pieces of bread, and made so many sops in the pan, that he made himself so sick that he spewed all over the kitchen, the gentleman coming in, asked what beast that was, the Cook said it was that rogue Hodge, who had been abroad among his companion & they had made him drunk, with that the gentleman took the baisting▪ ladle and instead of basting the meat, he basted poor Hodge s●… sorely, ●…at h●…e had almost broke his bones.   

Chap: 6. How Hodge dressed dinner in the cook's absence and what happened.  
UPon a time, a certain young Gentlemen, called the master cook forth to be merry with them and left the dinner to be dressed by Hodge, who gave very good content to his Master and all the guess, insomuch, that the gentleman said Hodge was capable to Learn, flow of speech, and willing to suffer, in the mean time the Master Cook did drink so much among the young gentlemen that he took a 〈◊〉, came home sick and died, and it was told the gentleman that the Cook was dead, and that Hodge had poisoned him, the Gentleman said ●…e would have bin, opened, and if there was ●…ny poison in his body, be would have Hodge hanged without Mercy, if not Hodge should have the cook's place to make him amends, a Cherurgion was sent for, but no poison was found in the b●…dy of the Cook, but the Cherurgion concluded he died of a surfer, and so Hodge was made Master Cook.   

Chap. 7. How the▪ Cook was buried▪ and how the servants cast Hodge into the grave.  
WIthin a while after the Gentleman buried the Cook, and invited a great number of Gentlemen to the b●…rial, and it was so that there was none stood n●…er the grave but the honshould servants, and one of the 〈◊〉 had a winding sheet under his Cloak, add when he saw Hodge he tied the sheet about him and cast him into the grave, and the other Men laid the dead Man upon him unknown to their Master, but Hodge with much striving up, and ra●… amongst the people in 〈◊〉 winding sheet, in such sort, that they though it had been the dead Man that had broke out of the Coffin, and happy was he that coulp get out of the Church first, but hodge cryep out be not afraid, I am poor Hodge, I pray loosen me, that I m●…y not be smothered, when the people heard him say so, they unbound him, and his Master beat him for scaring them.   

Chap. 8. How hodge was cast in the fire by one of the servants.  
NOw the indignation of the servants was so great against Hodge, because he was made Master Cook, that one of them came in and cast Hodge into the midst of the si●…e, hodge cried ou●… for help, and not his Master come quickly into the kitchen he had been burned, but when he had pulled him out by the heels, he that cast him in told his Master that the rogue had been in the wine ●…eller▪ and had made himself drunk, and so fell into the fi●…e, when the Naster heard this, he told Hodge if ever he found him 〈◊〉 again, he would turn ●…im out of his place.   

Chap. 9▪ How one of 〈◊〉 maids s●…rved Hodge.  
WIthin a while 〈◊〉, it chauced ●…hat one of the Maids of the house fell down a pair of stairs with her Coats abo●…t her cars, so that her bare butucks was seen, which when Hodge saw, he cast his Cap at it in good will to hide it, but she took the Cap and said, we●…Hodge i●… regard thy cap hath horoured my breech, my breech shall honour thy cap▪ and so squirting into it, (she being loosely given) clapped it upon his head, and so dep●…ed, but when Hodge ran among the servants, they cried foh, this rogue hath berayed his breeches, the Gentleman hearing a noise, came running in, and asked what was the matter, Hodge went to put of his Cap to his Master and it all ran down his face and about his shoulders, so that they ran all away, crying out, pox take this rogue he will choke us all, but when Hodge had washed himself and made himself sweet, he was sent for by his Master, to whom he related how he came in that pickle, whereupon they all fell a-laughing at him, which tormented him more than his former punishment.   

Chap 10. How Hodge traveled to heaven.  
HOdge being generally hated both at home and abroad, was weary of his life, and wished himself in heaven, which when one of the men heard, he said unto him, if thou wilt go to heaven▪ hodge, I will conduct thee thither, but thou must endure some punishment for thy sins marry quoth hodge I think I have endured punishment enough already, nevertheless I should be content to endure more so I might go to heaven, why then quoth the man strip thee stark naked, and I will put a cloth before thy eyes, because you must not see which way you go, then will I take thee by the hand and lead thee to heaven after thou hast had thy punishment: in the mean time he provided six▪ Cart whips for six men, and they were to stand in a long room three on each side to whip poor hodge, which done accordingly, hodge asked the man who they were that whipped him so cruelly, the man told him they were friars; friars quoth hodge, I pray is there any friars in heaven, yea quoth the Man, them that do well▪ why then quoth hodge I will not go to heaven, and so ran back again as fast as he could run, and was punished as bad coming back as he was before.   

Chap. 11. How hodge was turned out of his place and was made Falconer.  
NOw the Gentleman by th●… persuasions of some of his friends, married with a gallant Da●…e, b●…t s●…e could not endur●…hodge, but told h●…r husband, that as long as hodge was Cook, she would not eat a bit of his dressing, the Gentleman to please his wife, tur●…d hodge out of his place and made him Falconer, so Hodge looked to his Master hawks▪ having six hawks to feed; but on a time when hodge was absent, one of the servants carried the hawks out of the house and hid the●… and set ●…ix Kites in their places; now when Hodge ca●…e again he fed the Kites as he use to do the hawks, and thought nothing, until such time as his master had an intent to rid●… a hawking, and then hodge brought a Kite upon his fist like any man: which when 〈◊〉 master saw he said O thou rogue▪ what hast thou brought ●…e here? a hawk quoth hodge, a hawk quoth the Gentleman, it is a Kite, and fell a beating of hodge, good 〈◊〉 quoth▪ hodge▪ it is such a hawk as you gave m●… to keep unless some witch hath transformed them from hawl●…es into Kites, but after his Master had beaten him su●…iciently, the man that took the hawks away brought them again privately, and then the tempest, was over.   

Chap. 12. How the Gentleman and his wife were invited to a Feast, and how she went from her husband, because he would not turn away hodge.  
THis Gentleman and his wife being invited to a Feast, and having a very fair orchard and but one Cherry Tree, commanded all the Servants that they should not meddle with that Tree; but as soon a●…●…hey were gone, the servants pulled all the fruit off the Tree, and when the master of the house and his wife came home and found all the Cherries 〈◊〉, they examined the servants, the servants said that rogue hodge had played the rogue and had done all the mischief: the master beat hodge, but that was not all▪ because he did not turn him away, his wife would not live any longer with him but went from him and lived in a wood saying that she had better live there upon roots and herbs, and haws, than to live in a house where such a Rogue as hodge was, whereupon when the master beard of it, he called hodge and said unto him, O th●… rogue, how long have I kept thee to torment me in this manner, thy ●…istris is gone to live in a Wood, and all long of thee, and before I will lose her I will turn thee away, when ●…odge had heard him say so, he said unto him, master if that be all, I will warrant you I will fetch her again, well ●…oth the ●…aster use thy▪ skill and go thy way▪ hodge goes ●…o a farmer's wife, whom his Mistress did not know, and ●…esired her to go along with him upon such an account as you heard before, the woman being better tempered than the household servants, went along with him, and coming through the wood his Mistress called to him and said hodge, what woman is that with thee? my new Mistress quoth hodge, your new Mistress quoth she, am not I your Mistress, I quoth hodge, but you will not live with my master, cox bobby quoth she, if any other be there but I, I will pull out their eyes, and so away she runs home to her husband, and so hodge by his wit brought his Mistress home again, and she by her wit turned him out of doors, as you shall hear in the next Chapter.   

Chap. 23. How the Mistress made a rogue of hodge▪ and transported him to Lubberland.  
NOw the servants told their Mistress that it was Hodge's roguery to fetch her home again upon that score, which when she heard, she vowed to be revenged of him to the full, and to that purpose, she rose next morning very early, and called hodge to go along with her, and being near the Sea, she gave a ship master ten shillings to transport him to Lubberland, where as it is reported, he hath egtheen-pences a day for sleeping, and the next news we hea●… from Lubberland you shall hear more of him.   
FINIS.