A DIALOGUE Between an EXCHANGE, AND EXCHANGE-ALLEY; Or, A Court, and City APPRENTICE. Cit SIR, here is a Bill of Exchange on your Master, will you pay it? Cou. Yes, I'll answer your Bill, though I have scarce Patience to answer you. Cit Why so pray? I don't know myself so unhappy as ever to have been in your company long enough to merit a diskindness. Cou. Come Sir, it's reason enough for all Loyal Apprentices to turn Abhorrers of you and all your Gang, who run counter to them, by promoting that idle Paper now going up to my Lord Mayor; as I conclude you do, by your living with such a notorious Fanatic; for though you were against it, he would make you sign it, or upon refusal, threaten no Employment beyond Sea, and I don't believe your Loyalty so much, but you would throw it all away rather than be starved. Cit But that I find some, though very much mistaken, Ingenuity, in what you say, I should return an answer in harsher Language, but at present take this; though my Master be a Dissenter from some imposed Ceremonies (if you call that a Fanatic, though your Cant has reached further now) of the Church of England, yet I question not, he, I am sure, I, have otherguess Loyalty for the King, than empty words, or a little roaring Vive le Roy, over a Pipe of Wine; and for this Address, if I know any thing of his Mind, he is against my meddling with it, which I should have agreed to, but that I think it a Duty I own myself, upon all occasions to demonstrate that I am really a Protestant, and not behind any of your presumptuous Addressers for Loyalty; and if it be more than our place and business, thus in a Public manner to declare it, we may be excused under that just provocation you have given us; and since many true Sons of the Church have gone so far in the management of it, I am resolved to be a Dissenter in nothing but where I see good reason: But this being no place to talk freely, I could wish you would, after I have told this small Sum, afford yourself half an Hour's time at Garraway's, to be convinced how ridiculous such Abhorrers render themselves; which if I don't do to an reason, though perhaps not to your prejudiced and inveigled understanding, I'll e'en turn one too, for I am resolved, as an ingenuous Person said, to be of Nature's side. Cou. Though I am not a little fond of gaining Proselytes, yet Dam'e Coffeehouses, they are not for our turn, being all, if not most Whiggified hereabouts: if we be taken notice of, we shall be bawled about in a Dialogue; there's Care, Baldwin, and Smith, have the best Noses (if they don't deal with th● Devil to smell things done in the open Street) that ever I knew; you se●one of ou● Party could not have his Posteriors saluted in the Street t'other Day, but 'tis in a Dialogue presently; and the Rogues had like to have smelled that Hodge was with us to eat the fruits of his Address, but we Hectored that off, and retorted it with a brave slur upon Bethel; therefore I am for a Tavern, where I will command a Pint of good Wine. Cit Excuse me Sir, I never drink Wine in a Morning, and for privacy, I'll ensure you a Room under Lock and Key, where none but ourselves shall be Auditors, and if the Boy intrudes with a What do you lack, do you call, Gentlemen? I'll commend you in breaking a Dish upon his Head. Cou. Well, along let's go, but there's another Objection I have; you have heard, I suppose the Truth of that Story of the Quakers Son, which our Emissary Thomson has so handsomely confounded with his unparallelled impudence on Tuesday last; but there goes an odd passage, that he should tell of some Body at the Amst. Coffee-house, on Tuesday next, which methinks should make them all seem dangerous. Cit Never fear; my Money falls right, only some to change; come let's away. Cou. I'll follow you, Sir. Cit Boy, show a Room, bring us a Bottle of Cider; Sir, will ye please to sit down, this Place will serve us to chat as well as the best Room in the Halfmoon Tavern. Cou. No Reflections, I pray. Cit There shan't, I'll promise you, nothing but matter of Fact, and convincing demonstration shall be urged by me, and pray do you promise the like, for I hate railing and impertinencies wherever I find them. Cou. Since our time is precious, let's each promise Secrecy and Freedom, and so proceed to your ridiculing the Abhorrers of your proceed, who are all the People of England, who join with us in Loyal Addresses to his Majesty. Cit Hold a little; I must beg pardon for interrupting you when you go so high at first, for if I consented to what you say, I should give up all I have to say afterwards; therefore, let's calmly consider what validity your words are of; I must confess, had I a Papistical, or, which I think can't be worse, a Heathenish absurd Faith, to believe contrary to all my Senses and thinking Faculties, what those lying Oracles, the Observator, Heraclitus, and Thomson have said, and the Gazet itself, I doubt not will say, when they have got all the Addresses they can, and published them in English and Erench, under that Title; I should then be of your Judgement, or rather ill possessed Opinion; but let the French believe what they please, and further they won't go; especially the great Men, they hate impositions, where they think them to be with a design; I say though their Faith is implicit, and they may by being used to believe as the Church believes, bring their Senses to that absurdity as to say Amen to all the foolish Legends and idle Stories every Week published here; yet I know no reason why we, who can read Letters, and see with our Eyes, and hear with our Ears from more credible Persons, things of a far different Nature; should not only be contented to have our Pockets picked now and then of a Penny for the novelty of the thing, but at last be persuaded and argue for the Truth of it; but I have often thought that these dumb Dogs would never have prevailed by their Black and White, were it not for their impudent Abetters who swarm both in City and Country; and have so industriously abused the latter, that there is nothing to be had out of Town, but those we call Tory Pamphlets; you see 'tis almost Treason to have any other News-book there, or so much as the City's Petition, though the Act of the Common-Council, approved of by Common-hall, and Printed by their Order and Authority, if they have any; O, the impudence as well as ingratitude of that Crape-making Town, to abuse one of its best Benefactors at that rate! Cou. Pray remember your promise, Norwich is a Town, I have great Veneration for, as being a Pattern to us in Loyalty, in their good though perhaps too much Zealous Address to his Majesty; and truly I don't see they had much reason to respect the City's Petition, when one of our Ignoramus Grand-Juries presented their Address as a Libel; But— Cit Pray be frank, let's have no But's— you see I make none, because I am certain for me, our Discourse shall never go further, and if it does, I'll speak nothing I am not afraid to stand to before any honest Jury any where, let me have but fair play, and only those that hear me my Accusers, as Evidence, for I am joined in my Litany with Hickeringel against the Man-catchers. Cou. Why, that I was saying is this; you run away with the Petition, as if the Act of the City, when you know how 'tis Mayor ridden, and as it were, the Sheriffs and some of the Factious Alderman's great Horse, which turns which way they would, because they have the bit in its mouth, and I'm afraid, under the risen our House of Commons is so too, for in such Assemblies there may be Leaders, who also drive the rest, and these Drivers may be Enemies to the King, and the established Government in Church and State, and then where are we? and you know who were the men in the H. of C. these late Parliaments; look into the proceed of that at Westminster and Oxford, and you shall find that of the 513. not above 15. are the great spokesmen, there is, Sir W. J. Sir F. W. Coll. B.— Cit You need not name'em, I find whereabouts you are; and in answer, for the City shall only say, that you begin with the wrong end of the Horse, and make it such an Ass as to stand ready Saddled and Bridled, while its Rider Mounts, or is Mounted by another hand: But such has been the kindness of our Monarches to this City whether they have deserved it or no, I'll only think, that they have given them the pre-eminence before most places of choosing their own Annual Governors; and certainly a better order among so great a concourse of People cannot be than by our Common Hall, for every Freeholder to have his Vote, unless where the Ballot is used, inconveniencies in which there are too: Now I fancy you nor none of your party, would, but are far from it, have the Government of this City in more hands than it is; nor would you have the K. leave his more weighty or pleasant affairs to turn Lord Maior: no, you are more civil; and then I think you must come to what it is, a plain Lord Mayor and Sheriffs chosen by the People, the Body, the Majority of them, and confirmed by the K. Now when these are with so much deliberation mounted, they must ride till the Year's out, unless some more than ordinary cause; Now if the Citizens of London are so foolish, and the People of England so mad, as to choose for their Governors and Representatives (with whom they trust their Lives and all, and by whom, as has been often said by our betters, they can only be undone,) those that they know not, or only upon recommendation of a Faction, such as are Enemies to the King, who if really so, will be Enemies to themselves: The worst you can say of them, is, that they are factiously mad and fanatical, but that they are the minor part, you will not now sure have the impudence to say it to me, or to any but some at Salamanca, or far enough from understanding or hearing the truth; but that is only in answer to your wrong laid position: And for Vindication of the City's Government of late, I think it would be an intrusion for me on those ingenious Gentlemen who sit at Helm, and are better able to do it, my place as yet, is, as also yours aught to be, rather to submit and acquiesce in their prudent management of Affairs, and not saucily to contradict 'em (as you have, as far as you can) being that to which under the Auspicious influence of our Great Governor, if my shallow judgement fail me not, being confirmed by the opinion of a great Courtier, who frankly told me t'other day, not only this City but the whole Kingdom owes its present peace and quiet. Cou. We will grant ye, that we ought to submit to our Governors, but no further than may consist with Loyalty to our Prince, in which case we may oppose with good Warrant all the factious fanatics any where; and when we were told it would be grateful to our Sovereign, would you have us refuse setting our hands to such a harmless Paper, which is void of all manner of Reflection. Cit Very fine! Because you would have Fools, for only such will believe no Reflections in that Paper, you are resolved to do it now with a Warrant against the greatest and the best part of the City; but to leave that to be taken notice of by others, tell me, do you think it no reflection upon the H. of C. what the King has said of 'em in his Declaration, and he may sure say that that 'tis not fit for every one to say: now in thanking the King for his Declaration, the meaning on't, surely is, thanks for Dissolving and publishing the faults of the two last Parliaments; and sure, it will signify nothing without they that chose them, the People of England say so, which that ever they will, believe it who can for me. No certainly, they that urge this most, have more understanding than to think to have it believed, but are only so taken with the notion, that they resolve impudently to assert it, till a Parliament comes to stop their bawling. But of all the Militia-men and Grand-juries and other Addressers, I find none less concerned in choosing Parliaments, and therefore aught to be as backward in criminating as any, than those in our Station; but when we see you had been put upon it, we thought the K. had a mind to know how many Lives and Fortunes among the Youths in London he had at his Service; and hoping none but the Observator would blame us for observing that method which the nature of Government calls for, application to a next Superior; we resolved upon an Address to his Majesty's Vicegerent in this City, and we doubt not his Majesty will see Loyalty through our Modesty as well as your presumption, and unless you take in those of our size who have Loyalty for the King, and veneration for Parliaments, all that your Party do in Addressing, Abhorring, etc. will signify nothing to any that understand the constitution of our Government, unless you can convince them with plain English demonstration that the House of Commons is not the Real true Representative of all the People, or the Majority of 'em, and the same of the Common-Hall; till than I say the Authors of Heraclitus and his gang may keep their Breath for a better purpose; for all they now do is to fill the Tory's mouths with some plausible chat, which may sway some, but very few, so simple men. It being almost Change time, in short, pray let me know your Conviction and your Resolution. Cou. Sir, With a great deal of Patience and Attention I have heard you, and though I must be one of Mris. Celliers followers in her Motto, I never change, yet I must do you that Justice, as to join issue with what you say between man and man to be true, but I am so far engaged and encouraged with and by our noble Patriots who set us on work, that as long as they hold up, I think I shall get no better Friends, and I'll e'en hold to them: And for a Parliament, if it does come, 'tis but going to Holland a while, and drawing in our Observator Horns while that dread is over: in the mean time in Jollity we Drink with a Huzza the D's Health, and in private, all the Salvation we look after, is, from a Parliament, Good Lord deliver us. LONDON, Printed for Richard Janeway in Queens-Head-Alley in Pater-Noster-Row. 1681. An Excellent New Ballad, To the Tune of, How Unhappy is Phillis in Love. [1] LEt Oliver now be forgotten, His Policy's quite out of Doors; Let Bradshaw and Hewson lie rotten, Like Sons of Fanatical Whores: For Tony's grown a Patrician, By Voting damned Sedition, For many years, Famed Politician, The Mouth of all Presbyter Peers. [2] Old Tony a Turncoat at Worster, Yet swore he'd maintain the King's Right; But Tony did Swagger and Bluster, Yet never drew Sword on his side. For Tony is like an old Stallion, He has still the Pox of Rebellion, And never was sound; Like the Chameleon, Still changing his Shaps and his Ground. [3] Old Rowly's returned (Heavens bless him,) From Exile and Danger set free; Old Tony made haste to Address him, And swore none more Loyal than He: The King, (who knew him a Traitor,) And saw him squint like a satire; Yet through his Grace, Pardoned the Matter, And gave him since the Purse & the Mace. [4] And now little Chancellor Tony, With Honour had feathered his Wing, And carefully picked up the Money, But never a Groat for the King: But Tony's Luck was confounded; The D. who smoked him a Round-head; From Head to Heel Tony was sounded, And Y— soon put a Spoke in his Wheel. [5] But now little Tony in Passion, Like Boy that had nettled his Breech, Maliciously took an occasion, To make a most delicate Speech; He told the King like a Croney; If e'er he hoped to have Money, He must be Ruled: Oh fine Tony! Was ever Potent Monarch so schooled? [6] The King issues out a Proclamation, By Learned and Loyal Advice; But Tony possesses the Nation The Council will never be wise: For Tony is madder and madder, And M— blows like a Bladder, And L— too, Who grows gladder, That They Great York are like to subdue. [7] But Destiny shortly will cross it, For Tony's grown Gouty and Sick, In spite of his Spigot and Faucet, The Statesman must go to Old Nick: For Tony rails at the Papist, Yet He himself is an Atheist; Though so precise, Foolish and Apish, Like Holy Quack or Priest in Disguise. [8] But now let this Rump of the Law-see, A Maxim as Learned in part; Who e'er with his Prince is too saucy, 'Tis feared he's a Traitor in's Heart: Then Tony cease to be witty, By buzzing Treason i'th' City; And love the King, So ends my Ditty; Or else let him die like a Dog in a string. Printed for Benjamin Harris at the Stationors' Arms at the Royal Exchange, and are to be sold by Langley Curtis in Goatham Court on Ludgate-hill, 1681.