A DIALOGUE BETWEEN TWO JESUITS, Father ANTONY and Father IGNATIUS, AT AMSTERDAM, The one coming from ENGLAND, and the other going Thither.  Ig. 
Who's here Father Antony? I am very glad to see you, but why here at Amsterdam, and why in this Dress? I think I never saw you since the Jubilee at Rome before.  An. 
Father Ignatius, I am glad to see both you and myself here, in this, or any other Dress that a Jesuit may wear, (and you know those are a good many) for (to tell you true) it is not long since I thought I should even have followed the Fate of my lost Brethren in England, and have left the disposition of Sword and Periwig to Signior Scaccia-Preti, Squire Finisher, that dextrous Trusser, and Untrusser of our Order.  Ig. 
Why then you came from England it seems, and I am just going thither, and since we are so happily met, if you please, we'll change appearances, I'll put on your Cavaliers, and you shall put on my Religious Habit, and that will save us both Money and trouble.  An. 
With all my heart: Time about is fair Play, My own good Fortune attend you, but I'll assure you you'll meet with difficulties, though here and there you'll find a Friend too.  Ig. 
Ay now you talk of Friends, Pray recommend me to some body in England, (if you know any body) that I may trust, and take the pains to give me a brief account, in what condition the cause is there.  An. 
That I shall do with all my heart Father, and in short since the Devil put that trick of the Discovery of the Plot upon us, it has been our main business there, to amuse the Kingdom with heats and Divisions among themselves, that we might be taken the less notice of; and indeed we have succeeded to a Miracle in't, for we have filled every Taphouse and Coffee-house so full of Wrangling and Dispute, that the Heretics have their hands full of one another. At one Club they Cry, an Owen, an Owen! Hark to Alsop, Hark to Alsop! And by and by Baxter has it, Baxter has it. At another House they Cry nothing but, O brave Dr. Stillingfleet! God a mercy Dr. Stillingfleet! All the World can never rejoin to this. This is unanswerable.  
And within a matter of Ten days after, you shall find the poor Doctor so All-to-be-Printed, bespattered and daubed, and with such unreasonable merciless Weapons, and applied so rudely, that 'twould even grieve any honest man's heart alive to see't. Presently he (who you know has always something to say for himself) recovers himself, gets upon his Feet, sets the best Leg forward, and reconfutes the Enemy, and then the Church (as they call it) Cries God Bless thee my Son; Now thou hast done their business, there's an end of the Quarrel, and now sit thee down in Peace on God's name.  
But by their fair leave we have not done with them so, for as long as there's a Protestant Diffenter (Fairchieve the Term) in England, that can Write his Name, and Pen and Ink to be had either for Love or Money, we'll find a way to set him to work, or we'll write for him ourselves.  
In a word both sides are so very warm and vigorous, that the best Gamester in the Kingdom knows not which to lay his Money on.  Ig. 
Why I thought there had been no such equality in the case, because you know their Church (forsooth) is established by Law, which does on the contrary severely animadvert against all other Nonconforming Sects whatsoever. And I always thought there was some disproportion in their knowledge, and learning besides.  An. 
All this is very true Father, but you must know that in England at this day we have found the secret to balance Sense with Noise, and Face, and Action, and as the case now stands its hard to know who has the better end of the Staff.  
The Protestant Dissenters are daintily grown up on my word, and I hope will hold the Churchmen tack. Nay, I'll assure you that in the time of the late Parliament, there was an honest poor Fellow that had like to have been pulled in pieces only for being overheard to name the word Fanatic.  Ig. 
But what if they should begin to falter a little, (as you know they have always the worst of it, except it be at downright knocks) what methods should we use to take their Parts? What way should we find to insinuate ourselves amongst them? Do you think they would accept of our help though we should offer it?  An. 
Never trouble yourself about that, for there's a Person in England of a very singular Character and Employment, that has Sworn to such a Correspondence between us and the Field Conventiclers in Scotland; and why should we despair of the same practice in England.  Ig. 
Methinks I should not much care for their conversation, except it were in some very unsuspected, and very advantageous address; but for a lift with my Pen, I should be always at their Service, for I hear them say, the Press is as open as the Stews, that the Printers (a many of them) have no more integrity or Modesty, than Bawds and Whores, and in one word that many of the Authors have no more Wit than Cullies, and no more Conscience or honesty than Mountebanks.  An. 
Soft and fair good Father Ignatius, this is no just conjuncture for downright satire. Soft Phrase, and Oily words are the mode at present, always provided they be ambiguous, and will admit of one evil meaning at least, for such enter easily, and spread insensibly, they have a strange influence upon the People, and they (you know) have the most hands.  Ig. 
But not to interrupt you Father Antony, I was going to ask you, whether we might not now and then put a Miracle upon them, is that trick quite left off or not? Will they believe nothing that's new and extraordinary?  An. 
Hang 'em, the men of sense believe nothing but what's reasonable and manlike, but the Rabble they'll believe what you will. And so the influence, and Prediction of the Comet, the Maid of Hatfield, the death of the Lions in the Tower, and the like have been made use of by some of our Friends amongst the common sort of People, with admirable success.  Ig. 
I am well enough satisfied that such things have a wonderful prevalence among the Vulgar, and though every man that has but an Eggshell full of Brain explode them at first sight, yet for all that, I hear they do their work with them among the People, who believe them as certainly as they do the Penteteuch. These are Piae Frauds, honest Cheats, that bring men to Heaven through a Backdoor, and draw them into the right way by unrighteous means. But I must not do the Casuists before you.  
And now Pray tell me where I might find a right wellmeaning Printer, for you know I am a little inclined to thinking, and it may be I may sometimes take the humour, (as occasion offers) to say something to more People than I am acquainted with, and then you know I shall want a meet help.  An. 
Every body can tell you that, there's one Harris, but especially there's one Frank Smith I'd recommend to you, the fittest Fellow alive for your business. On my Conscience, that Fellow has deserved better of the Catholic cause, then either Coleman, or Stafford. I need not tell you where he lives, there's scarce a man of Twenty year old in London, but will inform you either for good, or ill will.  
It was but t'other day he gave their Mighty Stillingfleet such a Joak, that he made all the Town snear again, and by the round World, I think 'twas one of the best Arguments he could have made use of.  Ig. 
Pray Father what was that? For I hate the very name of that Goliath Stillingfleet, he has made such an appearance.  An. 
Why I'll tell you what it was, he told the World in Print, that if they wanted Arguments against the Church of Rome, they might have them Dog-cheap at such a place, of Dr. Stillingfleet's Writings, for there was I know not how many Copies lay upon the Printers hands.  Ig. 
There he nicked him indeed, and to speak the truth, that same Stillingfleet has such a kind of a head, that without Jeers and Affronts can pass for Reason, we shall never convince him. However we have to thank Smith for his good will. I have seen a many of Stillingfleet's Writings.  An. 
And so have I too more than ever I had a mind to have seen, and if we had him I know where, I would not be in his  for more than I'll tell you. And now we talk of , Pray let's step into the long Cellar here and make the change we talk of, for I am sick of the Cavalier, I am weary both of the burden and danger of wearing a Sword, and so will you be too, if any of the King's Evidences should chance to know you.  Ig. 
Well happy man catch a Mackerel, come what will come, I am resolved, and when I have once tied myself to that cold Iron, I shall think myself bound not only in Religion, but in honour, to live and die an unalterable Median Persian Roman Catholic.   
FINIS.