THE DISTRACTIONS of our Times. Wherein is discovered the General discontent of all Estates throughout the whole Land. Whereunto is added the Roundheads Race. Nemo sorte sua contentus. IN DOMINO CONFIDO printer's or publisher's device Printed at London. 1643. The distractions of these Times. PLato saith, that every Commonwealth than runneth into ruin and decay. Cum numerus quinarius ternarió junctus duas efficit Harmonias: This is a Musical Theorem, and Plato's meaning was not in many hundred years (till of late times Melanthon and some of our late Writers resolved this Riddle) well understood the meaning is that State cannot subsist where the number of five, joined to the number of three, maketh a dissonant or a discordant Harmony. Every Kingdom (generally consisteth of three Estates, viz. The King or Prince, the Nobility, and the Commons. All States may understand the benefit and sweetness of Unity, but I come to particular distractions, and divisions among ourselves at this present, wherein Nemo sua sorte contentus vivit. And to begin with the present estate of Church, the Coat of our blessed Saviour was without scame, schism or rent; woven all whole; which is or aught to be the Emblem of the true Catholiqe and Apostolic Church, but if our Saviour's Coat had had as many seams and rents as we have among ourselves at this present, he would I am persuaded have vouchsafed never to have worn it, they that have torn this seamlesse Garment are not the jews who played for it, by casting Lots (though the Text saith in the Psalm, they divided my Garments, etc. for our Saviour beware more Garments than one) but our Modern Schismatics and Sectuaries, who in every place like Pharaohs Frogs infect the whole Land, that there is scarce a City or Town nay private house wherein they have not a part or party, so that the common people in the general, and his Majesty's best Subjects, hardly know what to believe (some of them having published a new Creed) what book to serve God withal, the book of Common Prayer, and whole Liturgy being cried down amongst them for I dolatrous, profane, and (as I have heard some of them affirm) an invention of the Devil, so that all the time of King Edward the sixth Q. Elizabeth K. james, and of our Sovereign K. Charles we have served the Devil by their reckoning and we must say, jam nova progenies caelo demittitur alto. A new race (of Roundheads) are dropped from Heaven to set us in the right way of serving God. But some will tell me they are Saints, they live holily and keep the Sabbath duly etc. I confess they do and very strictly (as one an alehousekeeper) in Southwark, had brewed a Barrel of strong Ale and upon a Sunday morning he saw it working as ale will when it is new turned which he seeing and in a great rage, called for a hammer, and saying what do you work upon the Lord's day, I will none of this, so beating out the head of the barrel he let all the Ale run upon the ground. Another using Marshal Law hanged up his cat for killing a mouse upon the Sabbath day I could cloy my Reader with the like ridiculous actions of these fellows, so distracted and giddy as if they had lived with Cain in the Land of Nod (or rather in the Land of Noddy. But the Honourable Ho●se of Parliament hath taken an order for putting an end to these Divisions amongst us, that much danger yea mischief will hereby be prevented which otherwise, doubtless, might have ensued, and this course took Constantine in that horrible division and ●ent between the Orthodox Christians and the Arrians that is by a Counsel he settled the true saith, and in the mean time caused them both to remain quiet without disturbance either of the Church or Commonwealth, for never more bloody war among Nations or more bitter distension and quarrels have arose, between Church and Church, City and City, nay friend and friend brother and brother, then through difference in Religion; did not Diazius a Spaniard ride 300. miles to murder his own brother, cleaving his head in two because he was a Protestant, how many Fathers disinherit their own children because they profess a contrary Religion to theirs? and how many children forsake their own fathers and mothers for Religion-sake? how many Treasons were plotted and undertaken against our late Queen Elizabeth (of famous and Eternal memory) but for matter of Religion (as was pretended at least) how many Emperors, Kings and Princes, have been murdered for the Religion they professed, as Thomas Emperor of Constantinople by the Arrians, Henry the third of France, and Henry the fourth also (as was thought) for favouring of the Protestants; over much difference of Religion divided in opinion Asia from Africa, which after gave way to blasphemous Mahomet, the other being reconciled by the sword of the Turk) to bring in his hellish and ridiculous inventions in their room, but hereof sufficient, I only show the danger of delay, in leaving the State of Religion, in a State unordered and unsettled, Scholars in the Universities at this day are distracted or in a maze not knowing how or what course they should take to live hereafter, their breeeding there hath been very chargeable to their friends, and if they come to obtain Scholarships or fellowships (such is our golden times) the sauce of obtaining them will cost almost as much as the meat is worth, and when they have taken their degrees by much study and expense, they are never the nearer to preferment, for whereas one addicting himself to the study of divinity) cometh by money or friends to get a living forty go without and are fain to turn Schoolmasters country Physicians, and some (I have known) Solicitors in the Law, being discouraged by the unsettledness of Religion, and liberty of the times when every Hatdresser, Ironmonger, Cobbler and Horse-collar-maker shall pass among the multitude for as sound a Divine as an University can afford, and every known dunce and Ignoramus shall possess 2. or 3. great Benefices, by means of his father's purse, or perhaps of a match the Patron's Chambermaid (rid lately of her green sickness by lying at his beds feet) When Civilians must turn common Attorneys and Solicitors, and in a word we find almost a general hate and loathing of leaning the Arts and all excellency of knowledge throughout the Land. Gentlemen and inhabitants of the Country possess themselves and their Estates in distraction and fear of worse and more tumultuous times every where readier to sell then to purchase, the want of money is such a disease reigning amongst them that some are scarce able to buy them horses to come to petition for their grievances. The City and Citizens know not well what to do or trust to, as first, what Religion to profess, itself being as it were the conduit head of Sects and opinions which (as in pipes under ground, and in a close manner) it deriveth into the whole Land, they dare hardly venture their ships at Sea, they have so many false friends and open enemies, nay among themselves they know not (like joshuah) who are with them, or who against them, doubtless the City nourisheth many Vipers within her own bosom, beside other Serpents that are nested in her Suburbs ready upon any uproar or rebellious tumult to devour her, therefore she is not to be blamed if she strengtheneth her Carrison fortifieth her gates in the best manner she may, she hath now little return of trade, her excellent Artisans cannot get employment, or find where to show their skill, her Mechanics walk work-lesse up and down, or going into the Country to visit their friends, some of them can hardly ever find the way back again. What a distraction was amongst that Rabble in the uproar at Westminster, when the Bishop of York's servants attending about the Abbey Church to defend the same, and the Deans House belonging to his Lordship, at which time they were forced to come forth with weapons, and divers of them were hurt: amongst all the rest Sir Richard Wiseman (whether by chance, or of set purpose is unknown) but being there present, and saying to the rude Rabble openly. Gentlemen, I will be your Leader, was with a brick or stone from over the Abbey door, and (not in Westminster-hall, neither was he a member of a House of Commons as in an Elegy, dedicated to his memory is most lyingly reported) of which wound he died, and afterwards his Corpse was carried to St. Stephen's Church in Coleman-steet, and buried according to a new Church Government, lately enacted in a Conventicle of schismatics, being accompanied with at least five hundred Antic Bishops, consisting of all sorts with their Swords, mourning Cloaks, and black Ribbons. The strong Town of Kingston upon Hull, hath been distracted a long time, as fearing in pleasing one she offends another. And was not Kingston upon Thames distracted, not knowing what to do when Co●anell Lunsford arose there with so many men. And I believe my Lord Major, and the Bishop of Chichester were much amazed when the round party came about them, reviling my Lord Major most vilely, and telling him the Bishop was his Pope. For the Bishop Preaching at the Old Jewry, at my Lord Major's Parish Church, when the Rounds saw him in his Rochet, they fell on humming and hissing, then being put out of the Church-door, they got up to the windows, and broke down the glass, still continuing their railing, and revising, to the disturbance of the whole Church. And were not these Roundheads themselves distracted, when one of their companions, a Cooper, after he had broken off a leg of the Statue of Christ, upon Cheapside Cross, fell upon the Iron Pikes, standing about the Cross, where receiving his deadly wound he died shortly after, under the hands of a Chirurgeon dwelling in Rood Lane. Physicians are mightily distracted, and out of patience, because their whole College knows not how to cure this Epidemical disease (that like the sweeting Sickness in times past) reigneth over the whole Land, that is, want of money. And I believe Abel, and Kilvert are not yet cured of this common Disease, since they played their projecting pranks. Also our Clergy in general are distracted, till the Synod be past. Proctors, Apparitors, and all other Officers of the spiritual Court, are likewise distracted, as now wanting work and except Hay-time, and Harvest relieves them they are like to be utterly undone. In the City the Usurer is distracted, not knowing where or to whom to let out his money, where he may be sure of it again, or being already out of his hands how to come by it again; a witty Gallant comes to one of them in moorefield's and desires he might borrow 100 pounds of him, quoth Mr. Foxcraft the Usurer, to the Gentleman. Sir you are a mere stranger unto me, I never knew or saw you before, that is the only reason quoth the other that I come to borrow it, for if you knew me you would never lend me a penny. The Courtier is discontented finding his journey's long, so little money in the Exchequer, and the absence of his Mr. from Whitehall and the Parliament, The followers of Nobles and Gentlemen, who hold their Tenors only at the will of their Lords and Masters are now a days distracted and know not what they shall trust to, if giving the least distaste, or by committing the least offence they shall incur their displeasures, and so be cast off, for these times are not like the forepast, when for their honest Service they had extraordinary favours, or Annual Pensions given them during their lives, yea though they in time of their Service had committed some gross errors and highly displeased their Masters. A worthy ancient Gentleman in the time of Q. Eliz. dwelling in Berkshire whose name was Mr. Young, a great housekeeper living a Bachelor all his life, against a Christmas sent up a man he had with forty pounds to London to bestow in fruit, spice and other commodities (for at that time he ever kept open house,) his man at London lighting among cheaters, lost all his Master's money at cards, and not knowing what to do, by the advice of a chamberlain of an Inn in Holborn, was persuaded to join himself with two or three good fellows, who were resolved to take a purse upon the high way beyond Highgate, he consented, and they meeting with fourscore and odd pounds, the other thiefs went clear away with die money; and left him to be taken, not getting a penny or it, howsoever he was carried to Newgate, where arraigned and condemned was (a little before Christmas) to be executed, which his Mr. hearing of, upon the very morning when the carts were come to Tyburn, came thither with his man's pardon, which the Queen (with whom he was very gracious) had granted & coming to the Sheriff said, Mr. Sheriff have I not a man among your company here to be executed, I know not quoth the Sheriff, oh yes, I see him there quoth Mr. Young, (for he was pinioned making his confession with a psalm book in his hand) Sirrah quoth he you rascal do I send you about my business and you stand preaching there, come down, or I'll fetch you down with a mischief, and get you home about your business, his Mr, not only entertained him again, but at his death gave him an annuity to maintain him while he lived. HIs Majesty's ship Carpenters are in a distraction and know not of whom, nor where to get timber for the building of ships to furnish and increase his Navy Royal, since the forest of Deane was cut down, and other of the best timber woods in England (without especial order taken by the Honourable Parliament) are like to run the same fortune, The Inhabitants near and about the Fens in Lincolnshire, as about Boston, Marcham, Sibsey, Stickney and other places are distracted and know not what to do or how to recover their Commons and Fens again out of the projectors hands, beside their Cattles this Summer it is thought will run mad for want of water. If I should describe the several distractions of the world I should exceed to a volume, but I content me with these the most eminent of our times. Wishing hearty I might not at any time hereafter have occasion to write more or this or the same substance. The Roundheads Race. KNow then my Brethren, Heaven is clear, the Eclipsed Clouds are gone, The righteous now shall flourish, and good days are coming on. Come then my Brethren and be glad, and eke rejoice with me, Lawn sleeves and Rotchets shall go down, and hay then up go we. we'll I break the windows which the whore of Babylon hath painted, And when the Popish Saints go down then Burton shall be sainted. Then neither Cross, nor Crucifix shall stand, for now I see Rome's Trash and trumpery shall go down, and hay then up go we. What ere the Popish hands have built Our Hammers shall undo, we'll break the Pipes, and burn the Copes, and pull down Churches too. we'll exercise within a Grove, and teach beneath a Tree, And make a Pulpit of a Cart, and hay then up go we. we'll down with Universities, where Learning is professed Because they prattle and maintain the Language of the Beast. we'll drive the Doct●●s out of doors, and all what ere they be; we'll cry all Arts and Learning down, and hay then up go we. we'll down with Deans, and prebend's too, and I rejoice to tell ye, How that we'll eat fat Pigs our fill, and Capons by the belly. we'll I burn the fathers with their Toomes, and make the Schoolmen flee, we'll down with all that smells of wit, and hay then up go we. Since then the Anti Christian crew be pressed and overthrown, we'll teach the Nobles how to crouch, and keep the Gentry down. Good manners hath an ill report, and turns to pr●de we see; we'll therefore cry all manners down, and hay then up go we. The name of Lord, shall be abhorred, for each man is a brother, No reason why in Church, or State, one man should rule another. But when the change of Government shall set our fingers free, we'll lay the wanton Sisters down, and hay then, up go we. FINIS.