A Collection OF EXPERIENCE OF THE Work of GRACE: ( Never before Printed.)  
OR THE Spirit of God working upon the Souls of several Persons; whereby is demonstrated their Conversion to Christ, or Signs of being in the peculiar Love of God to Salvation.  
Published, Not to Applaud the Persons, but for the Comfort of Saints, both the New-born in Christ and the Beclouded-Believer, may here see that it hath been with the Souls of other Saints as with theirs: And also it being Matter of Fact, may convince the Unregenerate that there is indeed such a thing as the working of the Spirit of God upon the Soul, &c.  
He( the Spirit) shall take of mine, and shall show it unto you.  John 16.15. And see Luke 17.36. 
Collected by Charles do.  
London, Printed for Cha. do, a Comb-maker, in the burrow, between the Hospital and London-bridge.   

THE EPISTLE TO THE Reader.  
I Had some thoughts to make here an Appology for myself and Book, by way of Introduction, to set forth its Excellency and Use, and to fortify against Objections, but forbore it, referring you to only the Title-Page and Book, to work its own Effects, without addition of my own little Strength; for I am sensible, that the battle is not to the Strong, nor the Race to the Swift; and that I am, by this Attempt, Circumstantiated as the mariner that is setting Sail, knowing not what would befall him in his Voyage, whether good or bad, tho' he hath a good Ship, and well furnished; yet this I know, that the Manufacture I am here laden with, being the Work of the eternal Omnipotent Spirit, that gave all Creatures Being, is essentially so good, that it can take no real damage; and also, that I am not the first that have ventured upon many Waters( the People) with such a Cargo; and so I leave the Event to him that loved me, and Rules all things, and gives no account of his Matters:  
Charles do. burrow, London, 1700.   

An Account of the Work of GRACE UPON Will. Devenport of London.  
Written by him, and Given to me March 1698.  
IT pleased God I was Born of Parents that were very strict for the Church of England, and I received a strict Education under them, and especially a great Charge to continue in that way I had been brought up in, which I have done so strictly, till within these three Months, that I never went to any other Assembly whatsoever, unless it were to Scoff and Redicule them: My Master, were I was put Apprentice, would see that we went to Church on Lord's days, but never took any farther care of our Souls, neither what Benefits we reaped there, nor how we spent the rest of our time; and having a very wicked Fellow Apprentice, through his Example, my own Corruptions and the Devil's Suggestions, I immediately arrived at that degree of Wickedness, for Swearing, Lying, Sabbath-breaking, and all manner of filthy and frothy Discourse, that I think few of my Age exceeded me, and had not the restraining Grace of God laid hold on me, this Course had soon ended in eternal Flames, for I was indeed ripe for Destruction; but the Great and Good God, Blessed for ever be his most Holy Name for it, spared me in Mercy; for at that time there was a Lecture set up just by, and I went there, and he was a showing the dreadful State of the Wicked at the Great day of judgement, which did so awaken Conscience within me, that I thought myself as really condemned, as if Sentence had been already passed upon me, nay, indeed I was afraid to go out of Church, for I thought the Devil had received his Commission to fetch me away, and oh the Horror that then my Soul was in, crying out in the bitterness of my Soul, Oh if God would but spare me this night, what a new Creature would I become: So I run home, expecting, every Step I took, to be thrown down to Hell.  
2. When I cam home, I betook myself to Reading and Praying, and begged of several, that were sober in the Family, that if ever they heard me Swear again, that they would take the next thing they laid their Hands on, and beat me as much as they could, for I had rather be a Cripple here, than to live in Hell for ever.  
3. And this Conviction did not leave me, till it had brought me so, that I would speak to no Body farther than my Business or Duty required, for fear I should take the Lord's Name in vain; and so I continued for the space of three Years, till I grew pretty big, and began to keep Company, and then I began to take more Liberty, but still kept close to the Church and the Ordinance of the Blessed Supper; and because I did not Swear, nor live a Profane Life, I thought all was well, tho' no other bottom for my Hopes than the greatest of my Sins, ( even trusting to my own vile Performances.)  
4. But my Heavenly Father would not let me rest here, for one day, as I was walking by myself, and considering of my Estate, me thoughts I saw myself hang over a bottonles Pit by a small Cobweb, and every blast of Wind did so shake me, that I was amazed I was not dropped long before; so from this time I began to see that my Estate was not safe, and that I still wanted something as to my eternal Salvation, but knew not what; and this put me to be earnest and importunate with God, and likewise stirs up my great Adversary,( who had been pretty quiet all this while) who now tempts me to Despair and make away with myself.  
5. I would not be tedious, and therefore shall pass over many of the gracious and wonderful Providences of God, and come to the thing chiefly intended, which is, to show how the Lord opened my blind Eyes, and did not only show me, but I hope I can say, gave me an Interest in that one thing needful, even the Merits of my Blessed Redeemer.  
6. For so it was, I Lodging in a Person's House, who had newly embraced the Doctrine of Free Grace, she would be often speaking to me of it, but finding it ineffectual, she brings others to discourse me, and one of them, whose Heart the Lord stirred up, began to discourse concerning the Righteousness of Christ, and Justification thereby, but I  told her this was a Doctrine I could not agree to, for I did not think Christ came into the World to establish such a slothful Religion, as for us to trust wholly upon what he had done, therefore for my part, I desired to be found at the last day in my own Works done in his Name; and so we partend for that time.  
7. But the good and gracious God, who had thoughts of Mercy towards me, whilst I was thus in Rebellion against him, again stirred up his Servant, to desire some farther discourse with me, which I was very backward to, but at last consented with this Resolution in myself, to oppose whatever she should say, be it never so agreeable to the word of Truth,( and only for this Reason, because she was a Dissenter) which I did for a long time, till I found something in the midst of perverseness touch me, as it were, from above, and said, It is me that thou resistest; and from that moment my Heart and Thoughts was changed, and I was made to attend to her Words, as immediately sent from the Lord to me.  
8. And as she was showing how long she had depended upon her Works, before she was brought to Christ, and was then made to throw them all away, and come empty to him; I see it plain to be my Case, for I had not yet received Christ, and what would I not then give, that this through Change was wrought in me? me thought, as she was a setting forth the Safety and Happiness of a Soul as could venture itself alone upon Christ, I began to see something of an Excellency in him, which I never saw before, and my Heart began to pant and long after him.  
9. And when I cam home to my private Duty, my old way and manner was quiter lost, for I could say nothing but Christ, nay, I felt I wanted nothing else but him, and my want of him was so great, that I durst not go to Sleep without him; and so cried out in the extremity of my Soul, for the want of a Saviour Christ; and whilst I was thus a longing and thirsting after him, it fell with weight upon my Spirits, how I had slighted and condemned him and his Righteousness, which bread such a dread and horror on my Soul, that I could not tell where to look, nor whether to fly for Succour, my Duties which I had put such Confidence in, they brought Guilt to my Soul, because I had set them up in the room of my Saviour, God himself looked with Anger and Indignation upon me, for Transgressing his most Holy Laws, I durst not look to Christ, because I had slighted and contemned him.  
10. And whilst I was thus in Despair, and could see no Hope, the ever Blessed sent his Holy Spirit, and bid me not be discouraged nor cast down in my Soul, for I should yet be made to praise him, who was the Health of my Countenance, and my God, but I refused, as much as in me lay the Comfort thereof, still crying out, There was no Comfort for me without Christ; whereupon I immediately felt my Saviour himself to be given into my Soul, and came with these Words, My Beloved is mine, and I am his.  
11. But Oh the Rapture that my Soul was in, no Tongue can express nor Pen relate, my own Praises was too little, for I wanted all the Creatures of God to join with, in Praises to his most Holy Name, for this unparalelled Gift which he had bestowed upon me.  
12. The next Lord's day being to partake of the Lord's Supper, I was made to see that I was accepted there, only for having on the wedding Garment, which did not consist in forms of Prayer, so that I was made to lay them aside, and betake myself alone to Christ, for the Assistance of his Spirit, which I trust I had, for I was there made to see my original Guilt, which before I thought I had nothing to do withall, and my Righteouss Self was again laid before me, which gave me fresh cause of Self-abhorrence, and to cry out, Lord if thou wilt betreth me to thyself, thou must ransom me from no less than the Curse of the Law and Dominion of Sin; and in hopes thereof applied myself unto him,( which by me I trust is never to be forgotten) what was at that time given down through Faith into my Soul, how that I stood freely justified, a full Satisfaction being given by my Saviour, I was made then to see the near Union I stood in to the Father and to the Son.  
14. And that though I might lose the sweet Communion, which then I enjoyed with my Heavenly Father; yet that my Union was firm and unmovable, for his Covenant stood sure, whereof he had given me the Seal, and that now I should be delivered from the Power and Dominion of Sin, which had so long Tyranized over me, and that I should be made to Glorify him with my Soul and Body, which were his, and that I was one of his Sheep, which no one, no not all the Powers of Darkness, should ever be able to pluck out of his hands.  
15. And what Joy this brought to my Soul, I will leave to the judgement of all true Believers, that shall hear it, for now the Spirit of Bondage was wholly taken away, and the Spirit of Adoption placed in its room; and now the Enemy stirs up all Instruments, both within and without, to Rob me of my Comfort.  
16. For Carnal Reason, that sent me to human Learning, for Instruction, and going to several Divines, they still sent me to my Works again, without any thing of Christ, but God's Mercy being over all his Works, followed me with these Words, He that will be my Disciple, must deny himself, and take up his across and follow me, and those of the apostles, Not I, but Christ that dwelleth in me, which did wonderfully keep me with the Spouse, leaning on my Beloved.  
17. It so happened, going to Church next Lord's day after, for I was loft to leave it, heard one that bears a great Name, Preaching on Pardon of Sin, said, We pray for it, and only expect it on our new Obedience, which if we fail in, our Pardon is lost, and our Sins return upon us again.  
18. These words being spoken, I was filled with Joy and Sorrow, Joy because I was made to lay my Help upon one that is Mighty, and able to Save to the uttermost; and Sorrow, because I saw it was the Blind leading the Blind in by Paths of their own, and not in the way of God's appointment.  
19. So I came away presently, begging of God to direct me to a Faithful Pastor, and being providentially brought to hearing in this place, and heart, that no Man, in what State soever, could establish a justifying Righteousness of his own, but he must have it in another; and that Christ was every way suitable, and alone able to bear this great Character of, The Lord our Righteousness, and being invited to take of this Fountain of Life freely, and to buy Milk and Honey without Money or without Price, I found it so set home by the Spirit of God, that it was Comfort and through Grace, still is more made Life unto my Soul, and that it is the true sincere Milk of his Word, that God gave his Children to grow by.  
20. And so I have you a small broken Account of the beginning of the Light that is sprung up in my Soul, wherein I have out short and restrained the Liberal Hand of my Heavenly Father; for I must say he has dealt bountifully with me, he hath taken me into his Banqueting-House, and his Banner over me hath been Love; therefore I desire that Praises may be given to his Holy Name, not according to my weak Relation of his Grace, that he hath bestowed upon me, but according to the Riches of his Grace that he hath laid up in Christ Jesus, for all that love and fear his Name.  
21. And I desire, that I my be upon your Hearts before the Lord, that I may be lead farther into the eternal and unchangeable Love of God, which passeth Knowledge, so that I my praise it above all things, and thereby be constrained to live in some measure answerable to it, even to the praise of his Grace all the days of my Life.  

Meaning the Dissenting Congregational Church.  22. I am abundantly satisfied of your Church Order and Discipline, finding it to be agreeable to my Lord's and his Disciples appointment, that the Church should have the Keys in its own keeping, and look upon it as an Honour to be a Member of his visible Body here on Earth, and an extraordinary privilege in as much as God hath made such large Promises of his Love to, and Care of his Churches.  
23. And finding a Spiritual Appetite in my Soul, I desired to partake of the Blessed Ordinance, which does so lively represent the Bread of Life, that Nourisheth eternal Life.  
24. And these are a few of the Reasons that makes me desire to be admitted into Communion with you, though very unworthy as to myself, but the Grace of God is sufficient for all that truly rely upon it; and so I humbly trust it shall be for me unworthy Shrub,  
William Devenport. He was Baptized( or dipped) and admitted a Member. He is gone Triumphantly to Glory.   

An ACCOUNT OF THE Work of GRACE UPON  
A Young Man, and Apprentice,( London) of about Eighteen Years of Age, whose Name I here omit, because he desired it, for whom I Charles do testify, that a Church of Christ is very much satisfied with his Experience he gave them about a Year since, and with his now growth, the following Account he gave me in Writing at my desire, for to be Printed.  
1. I Was Born of Believing Parents in the Country, they striven what in them lay to give me good Advice to live soberly, but I being addicted to keep Company with Youths of the Town, I gave no heed to their Advice; and then the Providence of God called me to School four Miles from whence I lived with my Parents, and there I learned to be abominable Wicked and Rude; and when I had been there some time, I went home to my Friends again, and when they saw how abominable Rude I was, they  told me, that they would turn over a new leaf with me, and forced me, as it were, to go to the Meeting; but when I came home at night, oh how would I wish that my Parents were but Church Folks, or those that let their Children do what they would, as Play, and do all manner of 'vice on the Sabbath day, and on Fast days.  
2. But this did not continue long upon me, for sitting under the Preaching of the Word, I had many Convictions, that I was a great Sinner, and my Sin stared me in the Face, and my Conscience accused me, so that I was afraid I was lost for ever, This was when I was about twelve Years of Age.  
3. And I had dreadful Dreams, thinking the day of judgement was come, but I was not ready for it, I thought I saw the Stars drop from Heaven, the Sun turns into Sack-cloth of Hair, and the Moon into Blood; I thought I saw the Earthquake, and clove asunder, the Clouds Rack at an unusual rate; and then I though I saw the Judge come in flaming Fire; which light did so amaze me, that I being so affrighted, I awoke, and was afraid to go to Sleep again.  
4. After this time I was afraid to go any where in the night, for fear of the Devil, and then I took great delight in reading and hearing the Word of God; so that as I was neglecting before, I was now as diligent as might be, that if my Relations had occasion for me to stay at home, I would not, and if it rained or Snow'd never so hard, I would go thro' it all, it being commonly two Miles.  
5. I was one day in a dangerous Condition hanging by the Bough of a great high three, with my Arms at length, and my Body hanging down, and could not get any hold with my Feet; I hung so some time, till my hold with my Hands was just gone, there being under me dreadful Shrubs, that would have beat me all to pieces; so being just a falling, I cried out, Lord have Mercy upon me, with a great Struggle, being almost spent, and so with my Foot catched hold of a Bough, and taking Breath, recovered myself; when I came down I said to one of my Companions, Now at this very instant we are in as great danger of dropping into Hell for ever, as I was of dropping to the Ground.  
6. So this passed on, and I was glad that I escaped so great a danger; but I turned the Mercy of the Lord into Wantonness, and glorying in what an Act I had done, desiring my Elder Brother to do the like.  
7. After this it pleased God to cast the Book of John Bunyan into my Hands, called, The Groans of the damned, which did much terrify me in his saying, That tho' a Soul were in Hell ten thousand times ten thousand years, he would be never the nearer the coming out than he would be he first day that he went in, because it is for Eternity.  
8. This made me tremble at the Thoughts of it, which made me more careful of my talk, till I thought I pleased God very well; the Preacher saying one day, That if we come for the love of Jesus in the wet and could, we should not lose our labour of Love, and so truly I thought, that I did it out of love, when I did it for the Salvation of my Soul.  
9. And truly the thoughts of Heavenly things caught me almost out of myself, and I was very much searching the Scriptures, where I found the words of our Lord, Watch and Pray, lest you enter into Temptation.  
10. So truly I thought it was the Duty of every good Christian to pray, and therefore I prayed, but it was out of some Prayers that I took out of the practise of Piety, a book so called.  
11. But now having a Mind exasperated against the Church of England, and knowing that they prayed by a Form, I would pray so no longer; and hearing one say one day, That if there was no Preaching at the Meeting, he would go to the Church of England; and I made answer within myself, That before that I would go to the Church of England, I would Die a thousand Deaths, known by the search of the Scriptures, that they set up Worship which God never appointed, but that Scripture following me so, Watch and Pray, that you enter not into Temptation.  
12. So one Sabbath day I broken my mind to my Companion in these words, I see that it becomes us to be found in the Duty of Prayer, to which he consented, and so I  told him what I had met with, and he  told me, that he had been also concerned, how to get to Heaven, so I  told him, that it was my mind that we did jointly agree to set our Hands to a Paper, which I had written to that intent, which was to meet together in Prayer every Sabbath day and Wednesday, which we did in the Fields, and in the Hedges and Ditches; and when I had met with any thing at home from my Parents, I would keep it upon my mind till the time appointed, and then I would spread it before the Lord, and leave it there, and come away so contentedly, that we went on for some time; so that there was another Boy that desired to go along with us, which he did, and God had given us a great Gift in Prayer, that he liked us very well, and desired to go along with us, which we granted, and so he joined his Hand to do the like with us; and we then met together in a place where there was a Moat all round us, and a little Wood in the middle, where we could meet and no body see us, to which the last directed us, and provided a long Board to help us over the Water; and so when we were in, we pulled the Board to us, that no body could come to us, nor hear us.  
13. So there we continued for some time, and I spoken from these words, Watch and Pray, lest you enter into Temptation; to whom I shewed the great Duty of Prayer, and they liked it very well.  
14. But not long after the last that set his Hand to the Paper, was in some Company, and we being by, heard him take the Lord's Name in vain, and some other things too long here to relate; for which we crossed his Name out, and sentenced him with these words, Demas hath forsaken us, having loved this present World.  
15. Thus we wholly forsook his Company, at which he so much envied us, that he  told all the other Boys, and they made us their Laughingstock, and watched us always where we went; nay, we were so precise in our way, continuing still in our Duty, that the Christians themselves took us to be Converted Persons; and then seeing some Baptized, my Heart was wonderfully affencted, and I wished that I was worthy to be passed under that Ordinance, and I cried out to my Companion, Now we meet in Fields and Hedges, but I believe in time the Lord will bring it about, that we shall meet together in Houses; and I can say, then I had a great love for the People of God.  
16. At last the Providence of God called me to London, where I came and left my Companion in the Country, tho' not a little grieved to part with me, and coming into a House where there was no Prayers made among us, but Rudeness by another or two which dwelled in the House, and I seeing those Examples. I soon forgot all that I professed before, and fell into the same excess of Rioting with them, and now and then I thought, Lord, what will become of me now, alas I have forsaken all that Comfort which I had in Duty before, and now have taken up with the Sin that I formerly left behind me, as Playing, and all sorts of Wantonness, but not without Conviction; for when I had been Rude, or found Sin to break out upon me, and when I went into the dark alone, then I thought the Devil would come and pull me to pieces while I was in such a place, but when I came to Company again, it was the same as it was before, Oh, I wished I had such Opportunities as I had in the Country!  
17. And while I was so thinking, there was one in the House that went to the Meetings along with me, so I did as I had done before, writ a Paper, and so he set his Hand to it, according to the former, but we soon broken our Promises, for we renewing, for broken it again; and then I thought I added Sin to Sin, so we wholly broken off from all Duty, and lived some times as the Brute Beasts for two Years; and then I had strong Conviction of Conscience after this manner, What will you never return? will you go down to the Pit of Destruction? Well, thought I, it is time enough for me when I am out of my Apprenticeship.  
18. So Conscience being lulled asleep again, I continued for two Months, and then hearing out of the Country that my old Companion had forsook going to the Meetings at all, I was much concerned, and wrote a Letter to him, concerning his neglect.  
19. A Week after this, I hearing that Sermon Preached, Come, for all things are now ready, and there the Minister shewed what it was to come to Christ, and who were his Guests, the worst of Sinners; and truly, while he was Preaching, I wished I knew whether to go to Christ, I thought it was beyond Sea, I would he was but as far, I would have gone to him.  
20. But when I, on second thoughts, conceived him to be in Heaven, I thought, who could ascend to fetch him down, and the Minister said, it must be a coming by Faith and Believing, which coming I was so puzzled about it, that I thought it was nonsense, tho' I had heard of Faith, Credential and Evangelical, yet I did not know what Faith meant, for all my Duties that I performed.  
21. And being greatly startled about that Sermon, I was resolved to see farther of it, yet not I, but a secret inward Inclination thereto, considering the dreadful State that I was in, I resolved to wait, to see what God would do for my Soul, then these words came in my mind, Now is the acceptable time, now is the day of Salvation; whereupon the Devil came in upon me, Take the Pleasures of Whitsun-tide first, or 'tis time enough for you when you are Old, it being between Easter and Whitsun-tide in 1698. but those words came again with great power, To day, if you will hear his Voice, harden not your Hearts as in the Provocation; then the Devil  told me, 'twas because I neglected my Duty, and was not Baptized.  
22. But being in great trouble of Soul, sometimes I cried, sometimes I Wished, sometimes I Hoped, and my Sins laid hard upon me, and how to get them off, I knew not; some censured me to be deluded by the Devil, some thought one thing, and some another; there was a great Change wrought in my Conversation, so that I was abused on every side.  
23. Heading and Weeping once in a Book, a Man was saying, that there was a Man hanged up alive to be devoured by Dogs, and that there came a Man to him, and  told him, if he was Baptized he should be Saved, upon which the Man was taken down and Baptized, and then he desired to Die.  
24. Thus the Devil having run me upon that, I thought to be Baptized, was to come to Christ by fulfilling his Command.  
25. Thus I was hurried for some time, till I had a Friend come to Town, to which I wrote a Letter of my whole Mind, and the greatest part of the Letter was my pressing after Duties, and  told him, that so long as I was not Baptized, I was in a State of Condemnation, the Minister  told me that it was not Baptism that would Save me, but Christ and his Blood must Save me, and that I must not put any stress upon Baptism for Salvation, which word Salvation I did not understand; and then I trembled and wept, and knew not what to do, but he directed me to pled the Blood of Christ, and so cry for Mercy; and  told me, that wheresoever the Spirit begun the Work, he would perfect it, and  told me he saw that the Spirit of God had been at work upon my Soul, and I continued many days sorely under Temptations and Convictions.  
26. So this passed on, then I went to the Minister to which I now belong, and  told him, that I wanted to be Baptized, and to be joined to the Church, but he  told me that belonged only to Believers, and asked me whither or no I was a Believer? but I could not say that I was Converted, but was under Convictions; and then he  told me the Soul that Sinned should Die, and that God would by no means clear the Guilty.  
27. This made me tremble, for I saw that I was an abominable Sinner, and I could not tell what to do, but I pleaded with God for Mercy, and these words came in, Altho' your Sins be as Scarlet, I will make them as white at Snow; tho' your Sins be at Crimson, I will make them as Wool.  
28. This something revived my Spirits, which were very low, but the Devil came in and  told me, Did I think that the Blood of Christ, that was  shed so long ago, was sufficient to blot out my Sins; but these words immediately came in, I am the same yesterday, today, and for ever.  
29. This rejoiced my Soul, and then I could bless God for Christ, but this did not hold long, for the Devil came in with this Suggestion, That my Sins were too big to be pardonned; but the Lord came with these words, My Grace is sufficient for you.  
30. I did think it was an easy thing to believe, and that very day that I thought so, the Minister said, That Soul that thought it an easy thing to believe, never believed yet; and truly I believe, that at that time I had not received Christ, but the Devil came in and  told me, I was a Hypocrite, and that the Hypocrites Hope should perish.  
31. And all one night I apprehended my Soul as a Field, with all the Stones gathered out of it, but in an instant they were all cast about again; so I thought my Sins had been pardonned, but that very minute they were cast all about my Ears I was in a dreadful Condition.  
32. And now I see what cursed ways I was going to get to Heaven, in building of Babels, to get to Heaven that way, and not by Christ alone without us: Here I was made to lament myself, and that tho' vile Harlots went into the Kingdom before the Hypocrites; here I was made to abhor myself, and repent in Dust and Aslies, and see myself as black as Hell.  
33. And whilst I was thus bemoaning myself, one day as I was going up Stairs, these words came in with such power upon my Soul, He that loveth my Father and keepeth his Words, my Father will love him, and we will come and take up our abode with him.  
34. This Scripture made my Heart leap within me for Joy, O, I wanted the Tongues of Men and Angels, to help me to praise the Lord, these words were with me, He that comes unto me I will in no wise cast out; and my Soul that very instant received Christ into it, and was made to cry out with the Psalmist, O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his Name together; and then I beholded by Faith, Christ first in the Agony sweeting great drops of Blood, and that for my Sins; and then I beholded him upon the across hang bleeding for my Iniquities.  
35. This melted my Soul within me, to see that my Sins struck the deepest Wound in Christ's Soul, that Scripture came in upon me with its lustre, He his own self bore all our Sins on his own Body on the three, that we being dead to Sin, might be made alive unto Righteousness, for by his Stripes are we healed; and then hearing a Discourse from these words, They shall look on him whom they have pierced, and mourn at one for his only Son, when they see that he is passisied towards them, I had not much movement under the word.  
36. But when I came home I set myself down and considered the words that was spoken, and meditated upon them, I sound so much abhorrence in myself, with Tears of Joy, that it is unexpressible, I wished I was to lie in the Streets, that the Saints of God might go over me, I wished I were to be made a Threshold of some Meetinghouse Door, that the Saints might tread upon me.  
37. But when I went to Prayer, I went into the Cellar, and the Devil would so terrify me, telling me he would come to me, and fright me from my Duty sooner than I would have gone, and wheresoever I went in the night alone he so followed me; but I going again to the Minister, and  told him some of these things, and so I came before the Church, to give them an Account, and at that time it seemed so little in my Eye, that I was ashamed to speak it, and the Devil  told me, if I did go to the Table I should not speak; but howsoever I did go, and the Lord brought some things to my mind, that it was accepted by the Church.  
38. And when I went to be Baptized, and just as I was passing under the Ordinance, those Thoughts concerning Elijah came into my mind, That the Man that was laid into his Grave, by the virtue of Elijah arose and stood up; so I see that I was butted with Christ, and by the virtue of Christ's Resurrection I was raised to Newness of Life.  
39. And I, blessed be the God of Grace and Love, that very night received a greater measure of the Spirit from on High; for as I went about my Business, I had such Mean and contemptible Thoughts of this World, that I knew not how to look into it, it looked so dismal; and as I went about my Business, I condemned every thing as Transitory and nothing worth, my Soul was as it were out of my Body, admiring of Redeeming Love, I was caught up to the third Heavens in Contemplations, there being a risen Jesus.  
40. The Devil not being idle to break my Comfort and Consolation, as I went to Pray that day in the Cellar, he  told me, that if I went he would surely meet me there; at which my Flesh shrunk, my Spirit stood up, and pushed me forward, to fear him not, as the Captain of my Salvation being gone before me, having subdued all things under him, and broken the Head of the Devil.  
41. With this I went, but with a trembling hand, and when I was upon my Knees, I apprehended that the Devil stood behind me, and Christ stood before me, and so with an audible Voice I cried out, O Satan, if thou hast any thing against me, or to say to me, go to Christ, for he hath bought my Soul and Body.  
42. I had no sooner spoken these words, but the Devil fled; O who can tell what nearness I had to Christ, as my own, his Blood and his Satisfaction mine, and I came away as Conqueror at that time, through him that loved me.  
43. So on the Sabbath day next ensuing, being at the Supper of the Lord, there I beholded the Stripes on Christ, that were done to me; there I beholded a broken Body, and that for me; there I beholded a Bleeding Jesus, and that for me; and at the same time I beholded my Interest in them.  
44. These Thoughts ravished my Soul; for when I first was called, he oftentimes had me into his Banqueting-house, and his Banner over me was, Love.  
45. But passing on my Pilgrimage, the next thing I met with, was this, Satan  told me, that there was no God, no Heaven nor Hell, but I being under the Acts of Faith, No Satan, said I, is there no God? the Works of the Creation shows that there is a God, and as sure as there is a God, there is a Heaven, and as sure as there is a Heaven, there is a Hell; and when I had thus answered him, I found him steal away, as Men do when they fly in battle.  
46. This puffed up my Heart with Pride, that I thought it was my wise answer that made him fly, and not the Power of Christ alone; and this gave him such an advantage, that at night going to Bed, I found a panting Fear seize upon me, so that I found the Enemy approach nearer and nearer, and as I suspected he desired to have torn me to pieces, I thought I perceived the Chamber Door open, and being all alone, I had a good mind to have run for it, but between Hope and Fear, I put up a small Ejaculation in the sense of my own Weakness.  
47. And when I debased and laid myself low, I found such an income of the Spirit, that my feeble Knees were strengthened, and in the Strength of Christ I bid him defiance, and  told him he could as soon pull Christ out of Heaven as pull me to pieces.  
48. This made him fly from me again as conquered, which caused great Joy in my Soul, with a watch to my Heart, to see whether I exalted Christ or myself, but Christ was exalted, and my Soul made strong in its most Holy Faith; but I appeared as a Ship in the midst of a troublesone Sea, and could not consequently have any solid Hope, but tossed too and fro, sometimes I had Joy, and then in less than a quarter of an hours space should be cast down, supposing all but mere Fancies, and that I should be deceived at last.  
49. Thus I went on for some time, and going to an Experience one night, I thought I was in a very good Frame; but when I came there, being asked to declare the Dealings of God with my Soul, I was very backward to perform it, and denied to speak any thing, but at last these words came in, He that denys me before Men, him will I deny before my Father and all his Holy Angels.  
50. This came with such power upon my Soul, that it made me tremble, and so I began to declare, but had no sooner spoken a dozen words of my Experience, but the Devil set upon me in such a manner, that I cannot express it, with these words, Cut it down, why cumbereth it the ground? so that I ceased to declare any farther, and one of the good Company asking me how I did? O, said I, I am but as a Cumberer.  
51. So when I went out of the Meeting, as I was going into the Street, the Devil  told me, 'Twas my incumbent Duty to make myself away, for was it not written in the Word of God, Cut it down, and, said he, you are but a Cumberer; and my Soul being in an Agony, I knew not what to answer, and I thought indeed, that I was nothing but a whited sepulchre, and thought I had as good go to Hell at first as at last, whereby I replied, wherewith shall I perform this Act? and he  told me I had a Knife in my Pocket, and putting my Hand into ray Pocket for my Knife, I found a piece of a Line, and I pulled it out, and made a Noose of it, and fitted te to my Neck, and all the way down the Street I looked for a place convenient for the purpose to Execute myself.  
52. And having at last cast my Eye on a place convenient, I put forth my Hand to perform the Act, but as the Lord would have it, these words dropped upon my Mind, Shall I destroy Soul and Body both at once? both together? with that I striven against it, and would have sent up some Ejaculations, but could not, I had such an Agony on my Spirits, Why, think I, Christ hath denied me before the Father, and yet it followed me fore, none knows but those that has passed under the like.  
53. So coming to our own Door, the Devil tempted me to go farther to a place convenient, which I had cast my Eye on some time before, but then being in an Act of Faith, I fled to Christ, there I stood pausing for some time, but at last was resolved not to go; I went in, and took my way to Bed, and going up Stairs, I would have gone to Prayer, but could only cast my Eyes up to Heaven, and followed still most dreadfully.  
54. So going to Bed, I had it follow me all that night, and in the morning I went down Stairs, and taking the Bible, I could not find any Comfort, begging that God would come in with some word of Comfort to my Soul; but I walking too and fro, opening the Bible, I cast my Eye upon these words, I Never heard before, can a Woman forget her Child? can she forget the Son of her Womb? Yes she may forget, but God will not forget thee; thou art Engraven upon the Palms of my Hands, thy Walks are continually before me.  
55. I had no sooner cast my Eyes upon this Scripture, but I received Strength into my Soul; O I had such Joy come into my Soul, that it was unexpressible; I was had into his Banqueting-house, and there his Banner over me was Love; O I was made to admire the height and depth of the Love of God in Christ Jesus; and then that Scripture was sweet to my Soul, A vineyard of read Wine is my Beloved unto me, I the Lord doth keep it, least any hurt it.  
56. Here I was made to bless God for preserving Grace and Love, that Matter was very Comfortable concerning Elijah, when the Assyrian Host came about him, and the young Prophet cried out, and he begged, That his Eyes might be opened that he might behold their Security, and the Lord opened their Eyes, and the Woods were full of Chariots and Horse-men of Fire; so I was made to behold that same Care that was over Elijah was over every one of God's Children.  
57. Likewise these words were very sweet to me, in settling my Soul something more fully on Christ, You have not loved me, but I have loved you, and ordained you before the Foundations of the World; here I was made to see that it was not my Love to Christ made me accepted, but Christ's Love to me.  
58. I being one day, as I was walking in the Fields, overwhelmed with my Sins, and I had them all as if drawn in a Catalogue before me; and I thought I was then almost pressed down to Hell, the Guilt lay so heavy upon me, but just as I was giving up all Hopes, I thought of these words, Sin shall not have Dominion over you, for yond are not under the Law, but under Grace; and these words comforted me, If the Son has made you free, then are you free indeed; another Supporter came in all at an instant, Stand you therefore in the Liberty, whereby he hath made you free, and be not again entangled with the Yoke of Bondage.  
59. So I was made to carry them all to Christ, and leave them there, as upon the back of the Scape Goat; at that time God lead me to see the reason why he left Corruption in his Children, that they might see the need of Christ at all times, they being many times as Thorns in their sides, to prick them forward to the Mark of the Prise of the High Calling of God in Christ Jesus.  
60. I bless the Lord, he, under all my castings down, still underneath was the everlasting Arm, and many bodily Afflictions I passed through from without, as well as from within, and I was made to cry out with David, Why art thou cast down, O my Soul? why art thou disquieted within me? trust thou in God, for thou shalt yet praise him, for he is the Health of my Countenance and my Strength.  
61. And the Lord shewed the cursed Sin of Unbelief, and made me to pray against it, and I was made to see what Dishonour it brought to God, he brought these words into my Soul with great Consolation, Be not afraid, I am thy God, I will help thee, I will strengthen thee, I will uphold thee with the Right Hand of my Righteousness.  
62. I was, with Joy, made to pass through many Difficulties that lay before me; and to go on my way rejoicing and crying out, Thou leadest me in green Pastures by the still Waters.  
63. But being at an experienced Meeting, where one said, Where the Spirit of God is, there is Liberty; but I finding the contrary, that is to say, I immediately questioned all, and I was like Belteshazzar, when the Hand was writing against the Wall, my Knees struck one against the other.  
64. And so I came away in a most confused manner, so that I could not tell what to do, and being very much cast down, I called over my first Experience, and the Devil  told me it was all Pancies, and I could not believe no otherwise, till I went to a Christian, who  told me that they Experienced the same; and then these words of the Lord came in, Them whom I love, I will love to the end; and I was to look back and see that he had loved me.  
65. Thus I went along some time, till I came to a place where the Devil formerly used to meet me with many frightful Thoughts, but I being under the Light of God's Countenance, I cried out with an audible Voice, I know in whom I have believed, and into whose hands I have committed my Soul; and I said, That I was more than a Conqueror, through him that loved me; and I replied again, I will not bring any railing Accusations, but the Lord rebuk you, even my God rebuk you.  
65. And from that time I had a more solid Hope, and then these words came in upon me, I taught Ephraim to go, taking him by the Arms, and he knew it not; so he shewed me that it was he that would teach me to go by Faith, which I much craved, and then the Lord let me into the Mystery of the Temple and glorious Lustre of Christ, the Antitipe in it, it would be too tedious here to relate the whole of the Discovery to my Soul, I will only mention this, that there was the melted Sea, with the Bullocks under it, looking to the East, North, West and South.  
67. And in that I was made to see a bright Lustre of Christ, offering of himself once for all, that is, that the daily Sacrifice that was brought from all parts of the Earth to offer at the Temple, were all fulfilled at the offering of the Body of Christ, add of his Blood now  shed, which is the melted Sea for every one to Wash in, before he has a right to enter into the Holiest of all; and this was much for the Stability of ray Soul.  
68. Now it pleased the Lord to show me how it was by Christ alone, that we came to have the Righteousness of God, to answer the Demands of Law and Justice, from these words, He made him sin for me, who knew no Sin, that we might be made the Righteousness of God in him.  
69. Here the Lord shewed me, that he laid all our Sins upon Christ, past, present, and to come, and so Christ stood in our room, with our Sins upon him, and answered to what we should have answered, and so the Father made him Sin and us Righteous, that is to say, he took our Nature, and we had his imputed to us, and so we took his.  
70. This wrought great Joy in my Soul, blessing and praising of God, that I should be set upon that Rock of Ages, that my Name and my Person was so accepted, and shall never be cast off to all Eternity.  
71. And then it pleased the Lord to led me gradually into the Kingdom of Christ, and there my Soul was made to take some Transcient view of eternal Love, that I should be made Glorious, and his Inheritance for ever, and that the three Persons in the Trinity were so engaged for my Salvation, the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, that my Soul stood amazed to behold it, the Father to have such thoughts of Love towards me, the Son to undertake the Work for me, and I was made partaker of his Labours, and the Spirit for Revealing this way of Salvation to my Soul, in opposition to all others.  
72. Then I was made to view them as one Saved, to see how they are engaged for me now, and there I beholded a bright discovery of Grace and Love, to behold what care God takes of his Children, both in Preservation, as well as in special Providence, to bring all things together for good, and then Jesus as an Intercessor, as one gone to prepare a place for me, as one that beareth them upon his Heart, layeth them there as his chiefest Jewels; then the Comforter seeing the great Transactions between the Father and the Son, comes and brings the News of it down to my Soul.  
73. This made me to behold Jesus as the chiefest of ten thousand, and beholding this bright Lustre of Grace, these words came into my mind, This Record hath God given of his Son, that ye may know that ye have eternal Life, and that Life is in his Son.  
74. Now, when I beholded that this Assurance or solid Knowledge was attainable, I gave God no Rest,( speaking after the manner of Men) till he had Sealed it home upon my Soul, and an Assurance never comes without its Seals, with these words, I have loved you with an everlasting Love, and of this loving Kindness have I called thee; I have written my Law in thy Heart, and thou shalt never depart from me; tho' thy Children forget my Law, and keep not my Commandments, I will chastise them with the Rod of my chastisement, but my loving Kindness I will not take away, nor suffer my Faithfulness to fail; my Soul echoed again, Well, my Redeemer, if it be so, then return unto thy Rest, O my Soul, for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with yond.  
75. O the sealing Impression that these words made upon my Soul, not that being Saved I might live as I list, but the constraining Grace of God teached me to deny Ungodliness; and now my Soul is placed upon the Rock that is higher than I. Now Depart when I will I am safe and secure in the imputed Righteousness of Christ, without the inherent Work of the Spirit in point of Justification; O that I had the Song of an Angel, to sing forth his Praise who hath done such great things for my Soul.  
76. I having given you a true Account of the Dealings of God with my Soul in Conversion, I shall give you an exact Account of the second Call of God to me, sitting one Sabbath day very discontent, the Lord came in with these words, Arise, shine, thy Light is come, and the Glory of the Lord is risen upon thee, I cried, Not to me; and I turned over the Leaf again, and these words presented themselves, The Lord hath anointed thee to Preach the Gospel, but I cried out, Not me, not me.  
77. So this passed on for some time, and these words came with power, Son of Man I have sent you as a Watch-man to Israel, thou shalt receive the words from my Mouth, and warn them from me; and some time after these words came with terror upon me, If thou warn not the Wicked from their wicked ways, and they die in their Iniquity, their Blood will I require at thy Hands.  
78. But after a while it passed off, and then these words came upon me, Arise speak whatsoever I command you, least I confounded you before them, go you Preach the Gospel.  
These were the Dealings of God with my Soul, blessed be the Lord Jesus Christ, who hath Saved me, the chiefest of Sinners.   

The EXPERIENCE of( My Own) Charles do, Of the Burough, London.  
I Shall, for Brevity sake, omit in this Relation what I might otherwise say concerning my Parents and Birth, and also several other Circumstances of my Life, as narrowly escaping Drowning several times, and other Dangers; and also narrowly escaping doing great Mischiefs, both in my Childhood and when at Maturity, &c. tho' in the whole I am willing to note, that God that ordained the End, hath also ordained the Means conducing to the End, and accordingly his Grace, both Preserving and Restraining, is always ready to intervene and supersede the Dangers and Evils attending this Life, that all things may work together, for good to them, on whom he hath a design of saving Grace, according to the apostles Saying, Preserved in Christ and Called.  
1. ABout the beginning of my Apprenticeship, and 15 Years of Age,( it being about a Year or two after the Plague in London) I used to hear the General Redemption Baptist, and my Father-in-Law to hear a Presbyterian, so upon a time my Father commanded me to forbear going thither, and go with him, but I used some Arguments with him, saying, that I believed it was the rightest way, and a People that I liked, and that I did not pretend to go thither, and go a rambling; & I naming Witnesses, so reasoned with him as well as I could or durst, but all ineffectual, that I could not forbear Crying, but at last I said, You deny me that which you fought for yourself, Liberty of Conscience:( for he had been a Soldier in the Service of the Long Parliament, and a Captain) to which he made me no reply, neither did he, after that, endeavour to make me go any where against my Conscience.  
2. At those times I did believe, that the Profession of Election and Reprobation was very strange, for I was upon Doing, to please God, that he might Save me, it being best agreeing with my then young Understanding.  
3. Lying was hateful to me, so that I have often ventured Displeasure and Beating when I was in fault, rather than lie, to serve myself or others, of which I could give an Instance.  
4. In my Apprenticeship I have been often assaulted with a Temptation, about the going out of a Candle, the Relation of which may serve to show my desires of Salvation, as well as the subtlety or little ways of Satan; when I have been going to Bed or doing any Work by a short piece of Candle, the Tempter hath stolen into my Mind, to observe the shortness of it, suggesting, that if I did not do such a Thing or Work as I was about, or so much of it as was suggested I might, if followed close, or if I did not get into Bed before the Candle was out, then might I conclude, that as I fell short now in this Undertaking, fit to be done by that piece of Candle, so I may or shall also fall short of getting to Heaven, or of being Saved; and I concluded so too, nay, if I but just fall short, that would be as bad as if I fell short a great deal; which consideration made me as often strive and bustle with a great deal of Care, Diligence and Pains, even almost to a kind of a Fright, to make an end of my Business, or get to Bed, that I might not thereby have a Presage or Omen of my falling short of Heaven; but at length the commonness and continual Perplexities of these Thoughts made me reprove myself, and conclude, that it must needs be a Temptation, or piece of great Foolishness in me, for thought I, must I always Judge of my Salvation by the going out of a Candle, &c. whereby I got rid of it.  
5. As I was traveling on foot to a Fair,( as I reckon 1674) I went a compass Road, to speak with my Country Land-lord, and then being in a Road, I knew not how far it was to a Lodging, and being also very weary and late in the night, and alone, I despaired of getting a Lodging that night, and so stood still, to consider whether or no I should any longer try by traveling, to get to a Lodging, I being too weary to walk far, and so necessitated to lie down under a Hedge all night; but I again thought, that to do so would be very dangerous as to my Health and Limbs, because my Blood was hot with traveling so long, yet on the other hand I knew I was so weary, that I despaired of holding out to a Lodging, tho' I might have killed myself with traveling: Thus was I in a very greath streight, standing still and leaning on my Stick, but presently came into my Mind, as if spoken or intended to me, that Scripture, Hold out to the end, and thou shall be Saved. I knew very well, that that Text was not written concerning my kind of traveling, neither did I take it so, but yet I took Courage by it, for I considered, that if it be so, that I will not now do my utmost to get a Lodging, when there is so much need of it, and I so hearty desire it, but on the contrary run the Venture, and not care what becomes of me by lying under a Hedge; then it may also by the same Rule of carelessness, be my Mind, not to matter whether I get to Heaven or no: Well then, think I, if it be so, I will give myself no advantage to be careless of going to Heaven, but I will put up once more, and try for my Lodging, by walking as long as I am able; and if then I cannot get to a Lodging, then I have done my utmost, and must submit to what falls, for I can do no more than my utmost.  
6. And with that I had( I think) some fresh Strength, so I put up again, and walked pretty well, and by that I had gone about half a Mile, there was a light Candle gleaded on my Left side, whereupon I looked that way, and saw a Town, for otherwise I should not have seen it, the Road lying a Field wide, on the back of it.  
7. Well, I was very glad of a Town, and crossed the Field up to the Candle, and found it was at a back Gate, so I knocked, and it was opened, and I went in, and was  told it was Walden, and 12 a Clock; and then for convenience I had a Pint of Wine warmed, and a Loaf for Supper, and went to Bed.  
8. I may say God was pleased to sand me that Text of Scripture as a trial of my Faith, or at least Sincerity; and also sent that Candle-light to show me a Lodging, and I have ever since taken it so, and also for an extraordinary Thing, Work or Favour of God unto me, considering the things and the use I made of the Text of Scripture, and considering that the Candle at 12 a Clock at Night should be in some little buisness in the back side of an Inn or Tavern, to show me a Lodging was there, for I went directly to the Light, and it stayed till I came to be let in at the Gate.  
9. And I am sure the Memory of this hath often been of a great deal of Comfort to me, in times of my questionings and lookings back upon the Love of God to me: However, perhaps some may take this but for a common Mercy or Thing, and if they think so, 'tis not strange, for there be some also that think eternal Salvation itself is but a common Mercy, especially to them that have been Cristened, and so never question their own Salvation, neither do they think it so great a Business, that they need much admire God for his Kindness, for they have done almost as good a Kindness for him one time or other; but this is a sign they never had right Thoughts of themselves, nor of God, nor of his Son Jesus, nor of peculiar Providences.  
10. I remember about the times of my Apprenticeship, and beginning to Trade for myself, I used the private Apartment for my place of Prayer, and I had much Comfort, and those Prayers were sweet to me; but at length I had a Temptation came upon me, suggesting, what was I the better for praying? observing I had now prayed a Year or two with more constant Affection and Diligence, and also Sincerity, and yet still I had no Answer or Alteration in me, that I could perceive, as an effect of my Prayer, that thereby I might reckon that I prayed as I should, or was accepted, or should succeed at last, and therefore might reasonably reckon I had as good leave off praying; but then I answered, that would not do, for I did not know a better way to be Saved than by praying, and therefore I must keep on, tho' I do not see it comes to any thing as yet, and so I kept on praying as I used to do.  
11. One night I dreamed that as I sat in a Chamber, the Devil came to me in the Shape of a black Man, and I was not afraid, I had no sort of fear of him, for I was composed in my Mind with a Reliance upon God; and accordingly with gravity of Speech said to the Devil, You can do me no hurt, except God gives you leave, and what he gives you leave to do, I am willing to submit to; whereat the Devil walked away again as he came, without saying or doing any thing; and I did not awake upon it, but slept on as without fear, or unconcerned.  
12. And when I awoke in the Morning, I was much comforted at the Thoughts of my Reliance upon God in my Sleep, and that I had so composed an Objection to the Devil, and his Departure upon it, without any hurt or disturbance of my Mind; and therefore I expounded it as an Effect of the Grace of God to me or in me, and have been of the same Opinion ever since.  
13. To this time of my being above 20 Years of Age, I have omitted several remarkable and great Deliverances, both in my Childhood and Youth, partly because I have forgot what Religious Impressions they made on me, or how they were attended with peculiar Workings upon my Mind, and some partly for several other Reasons.  
14. In the times of my Childhood and Youth I had the Vanities that attended them, often taking more Liberty than became me, but still I had, by restraining Grace, my returns upon Convictions, which sometime lay very heavy upon me, yet in the common Course of my Life I was soberly disposed, and seldom or never took delight in Mischief or Rudeness, but was for things fair and honest and sociable, and in matters of Religion was always addicted to put Questions, for the finding out the Truth, being jealous or afraid of being cheated by Men's Ignorance or Designs.  
15. About two Years after an eminent Deliverance, as I was on a Journey on the strait Road to Cambridge, and weary stood about the same place I formerly had from the Lord Directions and Comfort in a difficult matter; and now it came also upon my mind, that I had been Religiously disposed a great while, and yet I had not taken upon me the actual Profession of Religion; whereby it might be certainly known, that I did by proper solemn Act engage to profess myself Religious, or a Christian; which to make apparent, the Act of Baptism would be a plain and certain Sign, because Voluntary as well as Duty by Scripture.  
16. And seeing, that to be Baptized( or dipped at Maturity upon Profession of Faith) I always believed to be a right Ordinance; I thought, therefore what should in reason hinder me from taking it up? But, on the other hand, as I then stood still, I considered, that if I should thus actually become a Professor, that then there would be a necessity upon me, to be very circumspectly in all my ways, and denying myself some Liberty, which I have some time taken, if it were but to avoid the occasion of Religion being evil spoken of, for if not, I might do Religion more hurt than good, by my being a Professor of it.  
17. And so I had as good let it alone, for this Exactness I thought to be so hard to be performed, that my Ability could not perform it, for that I having a sight of my Inability, found myself incident to Failings, and but imperfectly understanding my Duty, or what not my Duty, and also as much to seek of what are my privileges and Liberty in my Worship and Morals.  
18. But to these cunning Objections of Satan, or my own Carnality,( for in these things I hardly know what Name to call them by) I then replied, that if I should delay to do in this Matter as a Christian, until I could live a perfect and complete Holy Life, that perhaps then, nay, probably I may never, as long as I live attain such a time to profess in; whereat I concluded, that seeing it is so hazardous, I had better run the venture, and endeavour to live as well as I can, if not as well as I would; for it must come to that; if ever I be Baptized, and so I resolved to do it when I returned to London again; and then I went on my way over the Field.  
19. About a Month after I came home to London, I addressed myself to Mr. Plant( of Barbekin he held General Redemption) to be baptized, but I was somewhat ashamed to appear in so Religious a Matter, and to attempt a Solemn Profession of Christianity; and had I found unkind Entertainment, I, in all probability, should have flown off as being dashed for that time.  
20. But Mr. Plant did not deal severely or critically with me in his Questions, yet as a prudent Minister, he askd me what I had to say, as a Reason for my Desire to be Baptized, and I answered, Philip said to the Eunuch, if thou believest thou mayest be Baptized; then Mr. Plant said, Do you believe? with that I was surprised, and at a loss in my Understanding, seeing the greatness of the word Believe, or Mystery of Faith,( for before, this I had no Doubt upon my Mind about believing, I concluding I did believe; and tho' I have since a better or more intelligible knowledge of Christ, than I had at that time; yet I must reckon, that I then had the Root of the matter in me, tho' I was not so Mature as to either assure myself, or express myself to complete satisfaction; and this I now choose to say, tho I degress for the Rectitude of some good Christians over Nicety, or strictness in Judgments, about the Work of Grace, they being as it were afraid to conclude a Work of Grace is real, until the Subject gives signs of almost or altogether assurance) but to go on, much a do I made a shift and said, I think I do, I reckon I do, if I know my own Heart, I do believe; which Cautious Answer I suppose made Mr Plant not ask me what I believed? for if he had, I should have been farther confounded in my Mind, I think especially if he had exacted a sound and full Answer concerning Faith in Jesus Christ, yet he said he would inquire concerning me, meaning I supposed of my Converation, and give me an answer next Week; and this was reasonable, and so we partend.  
21. But thereat I was disturbed in my Mind, or else asaulted by a Temptation, to discourage me, for I thought with myself, what shall I be beholding to some body or another to go to Heaven? think I, what if no body will speak well of me? must I not therefore go to Heaven? What if some shall ignorantly or maliciously speak evil of me? must I therefore be kept out of Heaven? No, think I, I will not be so servd;( for tho I was for doing, as a Condition or Qualification, yet I saw there was not an absolute necessity, Christ having himself secured the way without any other Mans Leave) and accordingly when I got home, I writ him a Captious Letter, too long here to recite.  
22. After this I had it run strongly in my mind, that if I were not Baptized in right manner,( that is dipped thus or thus) according to the true intent of the Ordinance, then it would be no Baptism at all.  
23. And here Satan did sorely perplex me, for the time drew on, and I thought it very material to have it rightly done, and therefore I did greatly concern myself how to know the real best manner, and so had several Thoughts and Counter-thoughts; but at last, I resolved upon the common mode of Baptizing,( or Dipping Believers) for I could not find a better, and I have since seen the subtlety of Satan's Suggestion was to keep me from being Baptized, but yet he was overcome, and I was Baptized without delay, about the Year 1682.  
24. As soon as I was Baptized, and had shifted my wet clothes, and sat down in the Meeting, the Tempter suggested, Well, what are you the better now? to which I answered, as if I had reasoned with myself, I have done my Duty, and that is enough; and if I am not the better at to my Worthiness or Purity, or such like, yet, it being a Duty, it is sufficient to justify my doing it, and by doing of it, have done my Duty, and so am in the way I ought to be.  
25. And when Meeting partend, I hasted after some of my Brethren, & fell under another Temptation, and that prevailed for the present; the Suggestion was, that it was lawful to keep secret, or that I might refuse to own that I was Baptized, if any should inquire, so as to deride me, as I might think, and for an Argument suggested, that my Religion was to myself, and no body has to do with it but myself, and I have done my Duty, and what need I tell any body of it, to be derided, or give any advantage.  
26. Now, I had nothing to say, but fell in with, and approved the Privacy, and coming to my Brethren I  told it to them, but they did not put me to rights neither; so this remained with me some time, but it was a being ashamed of the Gospel and Doctrine of Jesus Christ.  
27. So I continued in a constant hearing of Brother Plant, and breaking of Bread, until the Persecution began to be hot at the latter end of King Charles the seconds Reign, 1684 and 1685, when all Meetings was fain to be in private.  
28. A little after I was Baptized, I considered, that now it was my Business to have a care of all my doings; and also, as I had by Baptism really and solemnly professed and declared myself resolved for Heaven, and thereby entered the way of serving God, I found it became my Duty to go forward, for I had laid my Hand to the Plow, and cautioned not to look back, but follow God's Plow; please God, that I may be Saved.  
29. And this Consideration set me to working for Life;( yet by the way of Jesus Christ, for I did not exclude him) and in order to do it as it should be, I considered two things; first, that I must know certainly what was the whole Mind or Will of God, that I should do; and also I must be sure always to have strength to do it continually; for the first I found myself too ignorant, and good Men too various in their Opinions, to assure me: And for the second, I utterly despaired of my weakness, to become strong enough, and if I fail in either,( tho' I see unavoidably I shall fail in both) I am gone for ever, for I knew not how to make atonement for my Deficiencies, because I could do nothing over and above the Duty, for the time wherein it is done.  
30 And so I came to a stand in my Thoughts, and at my Wits end, and confounded; and this sorely perplexed me, and lay heavy: And here I may note,( tho' it be a Degression) that by my thus going to work for Life; I was not less a Christian than him that Mr. John Bunyan, in his Progress, calls Christian, that went to Mount Sinai to be helped off with his heavy burden.  
31. And this I note for the Rectitude of many experienced Christians, that have had eminent Discoverys of Christ, and are therefore apt to conclude, that they were not regenerate or real Christians, when in time past they had not so clear and sensible knowledge of Christ.  
32. I also note it for the Comfort of the Newborn in Christ, that tho' they are not as it were beyond the Month, or mature enough to go alone, and to call their Father and Mother by proper Names, yet they are really complete in Life, or want no farther begetting by the Spirit, but only Life preserved, and therefore are Christians; as Philip under the Fig-tree, tho' they when Born, did not cry orderly as Philip after wards did My Lord, and my God! yet their crying confusedly, prove they were not Still-born, therefore Children.  
33. Now bear a Digression again for the sake of young Christians; for I must say, that I believe it was the Spirit of God lead me by the way of Working, to show me the Insufficiency of Works and a Necessity of, and a Glory in what Christ hath done, and is to the Soul without Works, and that when the Spirit of God lays hold on a Soul for Salvation, he doth not always immediately reveal Christ manifestly, but often leads them by the way of Works, even as Israel was lead by the way of Sinai to Jerusalem, yet it is not the Law that leads to Christ, but the Spirit of God, by the Law shows the Damning Power of the Law for Sin, makes the Excellency of a Saviour the more acceptable and glorious, when manifested in the fullness of his Perfections, or as when Israel was at Sinai about doing the Law, they were not in the Possession of the Holy-Land of Promise, tho' entailed to them, yet they were under the Conduct of the Spirit, and afterwards had the Land tho' a stiff necked People.  
34. Somewhat about this time I, as I used to do with others, argued with myself for General Redemption, in opposition to Election, and reckoned my Case clear, but withal had a strong persuasion, that if God should elect a certain Person or a number to Save, that then to be sure it was well with them, and that there would be nothing wanting to accomplish their Salvation, whatever became of others, for God's Will and Power was All-sufficient, and therefore to be elected was best for them.  
35. But I was loth to allow it to be the Doctrine of the Scriptures, for then I could not tell how to bring myself in for one to be Saved, but I was willing to keep the way open, or keep Heaven Gate open for all Men, for otherwise I might have reason to object against myself by Reprobation, or Election, for when there is room for all to enter, then there would be room for me, and therefore was in hopes of being Saved for endeavours of my own as Qualifications by Christ, tho' I could not assure myself of God's peculiar or electing Love to me.  
26. About a Year and an half after my Baptism, as I was in my Shop, attended with my Troubles of Mind, it came into my mind to go to Prayer,( about Noon) so I went up Stairs, and shut my Chamber Door, and stood behind it in the Passage Room,( bear with my mean style) and I Prayed,( but I had not consulted what to Pray, neither used I to consult, but Pray as well as I could when I was at it) but I had not prayed long, but in my Prayer( as I may say) I was very intent and sincere, and fervently expressed what was upon my Soul,( but not with audible Voice) according to the Grace of Faith and Gift of Utterance I had, as the case would admit my speech, to an Infinite, Perfect, Just, and Almighty Being, I was, I may say, then more than ordinary in the immediate presence of God, as it were in a condemned Condition, or my Soul had an immediate sense of his Presence and Perfections, and of my own Sinfulness, Imperfections, and Nothingness, and Insufficiency to prevail with the Favour of so admirable and pure a Being, by means of any thing that I ever did, or was ever like, or possible for me to do, in Obedience to the righteous and perfect Law of so great a God; and then all my Life past came before me, whereby I saw myself a Sinful Creature, notwithstanding all my Righteousness and Religion,( and this sense of things was not so long upon me as one is a Reading hereof, for Conceptions are quicker than Expressions) but I immediately, as in a desperate Case, desperately, but dutifully and rationally, I may say, and in Faith and Hope, throw myself away, even before the Throne of God, to be lost or damned, if he of his infinite Mercy, in, by or through Jesus Christ, and only, and alone for his sake would not save it from being lost or damned, and for no other Reason, for I had then no other to give, nor I was not sure that Reason would serve neither, or be sufficient for me, but as one a Drowning naturally catcheth hold of the next probable means of saving, so I, for Jesus Christ was then the only probable and possible means of my Safety, which I then saw a great deal more than ever I did in all my Life before.  
37. This being my Condition, as I said before, I threw my Soul before the Throne of God, acknowledging him to be Just and Righteous if he damned me, and pronounced him so to be, as really, and fully, and sincerely, as if it ware, as it proved, a great Benefit to me, so to do, or so to throw myself away, only I had a true Estimation of my Soul, with the sense of the loss thereof, and therefore I did not carelessly, but Righteously and Prudentially throw it away, for knowing I could not save it myself, I see and knew, that if ever it was saved, it must be by the free and precious Grace and admirable Goodness of God, and so I prayed that he would save me for Jesus Christ his sakes, and tho' I threw my Soul myself away, even before his Mercy Seat, as I may say, yet I most earnestly prayed that he would save me for Jesus Christ his sake; and then in this Extremity, being, as I then thought, upon the very point or brink of Salvation or Damnation, I paused as in despair or between Hope and Fear, and I used this very following Argument to the Great God, word for word,( as near as I can remember,) viz. If thou wilt not save me for Jesus Christ his sake, then it may be said, that once there was one damned that begged Mercy for his sake, which I then thought that to Damn me or such a one, would be amazing strange, very hard or irregular, and even strike at the very Mercy, and Righteousness, and Justice, and Faithfulness, and such other conseved Attributes of God( I express myself in these Matters thus simply, because I do not know how to do it better, being sur-rounded with Excellency) and Christ's Nature, Scriptural Manifestations, and Gospel Promises, concerning Christ, and I also then therefore thought that it was almost an impossible thing, that I should be denied, having, as I then thought, gotten so sufficient, so reasonable and just, and such like Hold, or Means, or Argument, or such like, to rely and venture on; and there I held, as I may say, my hold, but all this, with a great deal of Sincerity, and Humility, and Nothingness of my own, but the great Sense of an Immortal Soul of mine, and the amazing danger thereof, by the Majesty and sovereignty of God to oblige me to this unexpected, desperate and dutiful Reliance; and to the best of my Memory, here was a kind of a Pause in my Prayer, is a Prisoner at the Bar, having no more to say why Sentence should not pass.  
38. I had nothing more to say, but as it were stood under the sense or danger of Condemnation and Loss, hearty desiring, or expecting, or hoping( as an answer from a Judge) for Favour, a Pardon, and I had it by astonishing Love immediately, for tho' there was in me of a Pause yet it was but a short one, for immediately Jesus Christ was revealed to me, Mat. 16.17. or to the Eyes or Understanding of my Soul, to be the Son of God, in such manner as I never before believed him to be, and then so manifest to me, to be at the Right Hand of the Father, and that God was reconciled in him, and my Sins pardonned, and I pronounced clear, or justified by and through the Suffering, Nature, Love, and other the Undertakings of Jesus Christ as a Saviour.  
39. And my Nature or understanding and Affections I found then changed, and I sure of Heaven, and out of danger of Hell, and so I admired the infinite Goodness of God in Jesus Christ, and ended my Prayer.  
40. But all these things were then sooner and fuller conceived and finished than now expressed, and my Joy was full, and clear, and calm withal, that I had not then, as sometimes I have had, Passions of Joy, for at this time the Joy did as it were swallow me up, and remained retire within me, and without great puttings forth, according to the greatness of its being, for it was a Calm immemediately put upon my Fears of Damnation, settling my Spirits by an amazing Change of Affections and the assurance was so clear, that then my thoughts, if all the Men upon Earth, or Angels in Heaven should have gone about to persuade me the thing was not real, I could not hare believed them, &c.  
41. Immediately after this I found( as I may say naturally) a new Nature in me, and that whereas I used to serve, or desire to serve God, in hopes of Salvation, and for fear of Damnation, I now could, and would, my thoughts, and did serve him, because he loved me, and had done such great astonishing things for my Soul; and because, my thoughts, it agreed with my then new Nature, to do those things that were pleasing to God, and my thoughts what he loved, I loved.  
42. Now, the Joy of my Justification, &c. or my knowledge of it, would put itself forth very often into, as it were, Passions of Love, or Weeping, really shedding of many Tears, for the inexpressible and fullness of Joy, and I thought with myself what shall I do to show or express my Love to this Jesus Christ, that hath thus loved me.  
43. And after a little Pause, I concluded, that to suffer for him, is the greatest thing I could do for him, or am capable of doing; but suffer, thought I, that is not worth the speaking of, it is not at all valuable to his exceeding great Love; for if I had a thousand Gallons of Blood, I could and would spill or  shed it all for his sake every day; to Suffer, my thoughts, was but a Fleabite, and nothing in comparison of the Love bestowed on me; me thoughts then I loved nothing but Jesus Christ.  
44. That Text was brought with power upon my Mind, and abode many days, I will give unto him a white ston and a new Name, which no Man knows, save him that hath it. I had not red it in some years, or I had forgot how long, and when I did red it, it was to me but as others that passed away, but now by the power of its coming, I applied it to myself, and it fitted me exactly, for I thought I was in the Enjoyment of new Relation, a Child of God, a Christian indeed, a Favourite; and I was also sure, that no body knew this( my new Name) but myself, tho' I should tell them their Knowledge would not be like mine, swallowed up with its Attendances; and the white ston I then expounded to be Jesus Christ, as a Rock, a sure Foundation, a chief corner ston: That Text also came upon my Mind many times, To you it is given, not only to believe on his Name, but to suffer for his sake.  
45. And the sense of this exceeding Love of Redemption, or Satisfaction for my Sins, and Reconciliation to God, and Assurance of Heaven, and Joy and Communion of the Heavenly Company, did rest very lively upon me many Weeks, and it hath continued, tho' not always in that fullness, until the writing hereof, June 1688, the intervening of Temptations, or short Scruples excepted, for which I have very often admired the exceeding Love of God, for that he was pleased to reveal his Son in me; and also to do it just then, when my Extremity was but just raised, as I think, to that real sense of the absolute need of Jesus Christ, and not make me stay longer for assurance, and that he should continue the Comforts and Assurance that belong to the same, and hath given me always present Strength against all or most Temptations, especially that would eclipse this Assurance that have been yet come upon me: I have admired the Goodnese of God, especially when I have heard of Christians that have lost their Assurance after they have had it; but mine have been so plain and extraordinary, it may be, that as often as I have had any Question, by way of Temptation, upon me, I have had Grace of bring to mind that Experience of the Love of God, that I have my Assurance of Heaven still.  
46. I remember Mr. Berman, a Minister, said in my hearing to my Mother, that a Woman he used to visit, had kept her Assurance, I think, 30 Years, Surely, said he, she hath lived a very Holy( or such kind of) Life.  
47. But when I think of this, I think I have not lived such a Holy Life of perfect Obedience, to deserve the continuance of that Favour to admiration, but that I have often deserved to loose the Love of God and my Assurance, if Deserts proceed from the want of a perfect unblemished or sinless Holy Life, but I find it doth not, for Jesus Christ's Intercession and Advocateship is by the extraordinary Wisdom and Love of God, on purpose to mediate for the Infirmities and accidental Failings,( for there can be no other) and Sins of the Regenerated People of God, to continue them in his Favour for ever; and of this I have Experience; also my Assurance was so full and clear, that I think it hardly possible for me to loose it.  
48. But this I do not tell to give any licence to an evil Act, but partly to show that God's Gifts and Love do not come for our Deserts, but of his own Will he loved us, and so continues it; for if God should give the best of us no more than we deserve, he must give us nothing at all; and therefore our Necessity and Misery procures the Love or Grace and Gifts of God, rather than our imperfect Obedience; consider the wretched Infant in Ezekiel.  
49. On a time my near Relation being very much troubled with the toothache, went to Bed, but knocking for me up, I came, and there saw she was almost raving Mad with the Violence thereof, which when I saw, it troubled and seized upon my Spirits, to see her in such a raging, striving, crying Condition, as if she was just ready to jump out of her Bed, and run about the Room, by reason of intolerable Pain, that I thought, what should I do in this Condition, I was even at my Wits end, but I was not so long a consulting what to do, as I am writing this part of the Relation, but the Extremity of the Case driven me to Prayer, even as I then stood by the Bed side, as it were amazed at what it would come to, and my Prayer was like the Case, fervent, and with my whole Soul to God, to give release to her; and I prayed, as it were, as if I had an Interest in Heaven, or as if it were therefore almost a reason that my Prayer should be answered, knowing I was in favour with God, for there was upon my Soul or Spirits the knowledge of my being reconciled to God, and Sonship by the pardon of my Sins through his Son Jesus Christ, and my possessing the Love of God upon my Soul, as if I was his chosen or adopted Son, and he my reconciled Father; I say I prayed with the sense of this privilege and Respects, appearing before me in a moment, which raised my Desires to such a pitch of height or extremity, that I thought it almost strange to be denied, and almost consin'd it to my Reason, thinking if God was God, and I so related or possessed of his Favour, strange, thought I, that I should not or cannot have this Prayer answered, when this Case is so extreme.  
50. And thus I had almost gone beyond both my filial and serval Reverence due to God, by almost laying a necessity upon him to answer my Prayer, or have his Being questioned, or my Sonship confounded, to Despair of Heavenly things, but the Grace that enabled or carried me so far, did also keep me within the bounds of Submission and entreaty, and the Favour was admirable great, that I was admitted to express myself with so much Child-like Boldness, without a Check from the infinite God upon my Soul, my Prayer was to myself, and without methodical beginning or ending, but as it were a single Petition, and I have forgot whether my Hat was on or off.  
51. And admirable it was, to think the answer was immediately, for I stood in a kind of a Pause, and then asked her how she did? but before I could have gone half round the Room, she  told me she had ease, and the Pain gone, and she laid down and went to Sleep in her usual manner with ease.  
52. Therefore, certainly I must take it to be an answer to my Prayer, whereby no Temptation could fasten against my Sonship, nor condemn my permitted Boldness, for there was no other Remedy applied, and the Cure was as effectual as if( nay, I am loth to make Comparisons) with outward Means; but she was well cured, and that she confessed, tho' she had only my word, and the want of outward Means to convince her of the cause, for my Prayer she heard not.  
53. But this I do not tell to create Opinion, that I did the Cure, or pretend to prevail with God when I please, but to show the extraordinary Love of God to me, as his Child, and for a Confirmation of my Interest in Heaven, which I had before believed, as is before  told.  
54. Once as I was going along the Street by Cripplegate, London, I was thinking of my Business, and that I took a great deal of Pains, and many weary Step, and endeavoured as much as in me lay, to thrive and get sufficiently before hand in the World, that I might live out of danger of want, and a little with Comfort to enjoy the Fruit of my Labour as other Men did; for shortly, thought I, some Men get Money and Thrive in the World, with ease, or else whose are all these Houses and Shops full of Goods in the City, and every where, they are some bodys, thought I, tho' it goes so hard with me; surely, thought I, it is worse with me than any Body, thus to Moil and Labour, and not to have the Success as other Men have, that take not the Pains that I do; I have not my share in the World.  
55. And thus I repined for want of my Share in the World, began to despair of Success, or a Comfortable Life, and to be much dejected in my Mind, and presently, almost as soon as the latter part of the troubled Thoughts from within were at work, there came into my Mind full and clear, as if one had spoken to me this affirming Question, viz Is not Christ yours? and me thoughts it also said, Look about you,( for I was in my mind looking about me before, to see the Happiness of others) and see who can say so, meaning that Christ is theirs; can one in a great many thousands do you think? and as much as to say. Why? one would think this were Happiness enough, and would be Share enough in the World, if you had no more to make you Contented, and as Happy as other People; and me thought my Heart or Soul said, True, that is true indeed; but I had not considered it.  
56. And so I went on my way much refreshed at the Remembrance of my Knowledge, that Christ was mine, being a great Happiness and Enjoyment, and so esteemed myself in a better Condition than those just before I counted in a very good Condition, and the best.  
57. This refreshing Comfort, tho' it came with a Question, yet the Question carried and Affirmation with it, and was, as it were, a Reproof to me, I knowing before, by evident and undeniable Light revealed, that Christ was mine; and the Remembrance brance of this kind Question of Christ, as I may call it, doth come often in my Mind, as doth my other Experiences and Comforts, and enables me against doubting and questioning Temptations.  
58. When the Persecution began 1684, I in my Chamber stated the Question in Writing, whether it was not my Liberty to go to Church, rather than loose my Goods?( for I did not think it every Bodys Liberty,) and so I gave myself a sufficient Argument, as I thought, having already suffered for Conscience sake; upon which I concluded, that it was my Liberty to go to Church,( so called) and rise from my Seat satisfied, but immediately I felt a violent Turn or Change in my Mind, that I thought I could have stood to be Hill'd, rather than have gone. Several Particulars I here omit.  
59. Sometimes in the Persecution time I used to hear Mr. Moore,( that Church were some Baptists and some Congregational) and he would often, in his Sermon, assert Election, &c. so far beyond my Understanding, that I have often been in the mind to rise and go out of the Meeting, but being loth to give Offence,( the Meeting not being crowded) I kept my Seat with a great deal of uneasiness; and so I continued bearing my burden.  
60. And when the Persecution grew very hot, that great Meetings were all scattered and divided in private, I proposed, for Transcieant Communion, with Mr. Moore, and in order to my Admittance, I discoursed him, and said, I cannot believe Election in that large sense as many do affirm it to be before the Foundation of the World, yet I do believe God hath a People he will certainly Save, and nothing shall hinder; and I believe myself elected, but whether I was so before the Foundation of the World or no, I cannot say: He was content, and to be short, I was admitted.  
61. The reason of my then mentioning this Point, was partly to be barefaced to them, and partly to clear myself from free-will, for I reckoned Mr. Moore counted the People I belinged to were Freewillers, and so might suspect me.  
62. In this time of Persecution I heard that Mr. Bunyan came to London sometimes, and preached, and because of his famed, and I having red some of his Books, I had a mind to hear him, and accordingly I did at Mr. Moore's Meeting in a private House, and his Text was, The Fears of the Wicked shall come upon him, but the Desires of the Righteous shall be granted; but I was offended at the Text, because not a New Testament one,( for then I was very jealous of being cheated by Mens Sophisticating of Scripture, to serve their Turn or Opinion, I being then newly come into New Testament Light, in the Love of God, and the Promises, having had enough for the present of the Historical, and doing for Favour in the Old Testament) but Mr. Bunyan went on and Preached so Testament-like, that he made me admire and weep for Joy, and give him my Affections.  
63. And he was the first Man that ever I heard Preach to my new enlightened Understanding and Experience, for me thoughts all his Sermons were adapted to my Condition, and had apt Similitudes, being full of the Love of God, and the manner of its secret working upon the Soul, and of the Soul under the sense of it, that I could weep for Joy most part of his Sermons; and so by a Letter I introduced myself into his Acquaintance; and indeed I have not since met with a Man I have liked so well, for several Reasons: I was acquainted with him but about three Years before he Died, and then missed him sorely.  
64. This Persecution lay upon me till I owed the King, by that Law, foruteen score Pounds, at 20 l. a Month, and then K. James's Proclamation paid it all.  
65. After my Assurance I had many Thoughts and counter Thoughts concerning Election and Fore-Appointment, and at length believed eternal personal Election, &c. and then I was assaulted by a Temptation, to question God's disposing of all Actions and Things according to an eternal Decree, viz.  
66. I was traveling to a Fair, and about the middle of a Field, 35 Miles off of London, I saw a kind of a Bug crawling across my Path, and immediately there started into my mind, did God, do you think, from before the Foundation of the World decree or Fore-appoint that this little creeping Creature and I should meet in this place at this time, or that I should corn from London to meet this thus? And the Case is the same of every little thing I meet with or see now, and so of every body else, and of every thing, and at all times.  
67. And I stood still to consider of it, and thought it a hard Question, and how to give a complete answer, I did not know.  
68. But I thought with myself, that tho' I cannot comprehend it, to tell the manner how God decreed it should come to pass, yet it may be I true, for God and his Attributes are infinite beyond me, and so is his Understanding beyond mine, so he may understand it, tho' I do not.  
69. Besides, there might be a way that God did decree this coming to pass, by Events, or as the event of what he had decreed of greater consequences; and so I waved the further arguing of the thing, concluding, that tho' I cannot so clearly prove Fore-appointment in these little things, yet that doth not hinder the Proof of Fore-appointment concerning the Salvation or Damnation of the Soul, for that is a Business of the highest nature, of the greatest consequence, and which Christ came from Heaven about, and the Scriptures declare.  
70. I remember, I being under the sense of the Excellency of Jesus Christ, my constant Prayer was to see more of his Excellencies, and I expect to see them in the way, as it were, of being taken up in Raptures of Joy, or of the Nature of Paul's in the Third Heavens, but God was pleased to led me another way, even to suffer the Corruptions of my Nature, so to work and abound in me, that I could see myself nothing but a heap of Sin, from whence if I were to judge I could have no hopes of Salvation, my Nature being so contrary to the Nature of God; and then was my Faith set to work or in exercise; for then, more than ever before, did I admire the Wisdom of God, in finding out such a complete way of Salvation, by the Righteousness of another, who was always at his Right Hand, so that God could thereby be a reconciled Father, and continue his Fatherly love, notwithstanding the Sinfulness of his Children.  
71. As I as standing at my Shop Door one Evening, there came a poor Man and begged, and I supposed, by his Behaviour, that he was Drunk, but I did not perceive he was either Lame or Sick, nor Ancient, but only of a Drunken accustomend manner Begged; and he had the Name of God and Christ very often in his Mouth, and as I reckoned profanely, because his appearance shewed him rather a lazy, drunken, impudent Beggar, than necessitated; however, he Begged for Jesus Christ his sake, to give him something, a Farthing I think it was. But for the forementioned Thoughts I had of him, I would not give him any thing, tho' he had for Jesus and Christ his sake very often in his Mouth, which also the more offended me, for so profanely using that Sacred Name to his drunken ends, and to deceive People with, as I then thought.  
72. But, however, when he was gone, and many Weeks after, I was very much troubled that I would not give him a Farthing that begged for Jesus Christ his sake, when God had Mercy on me, and pardonned my Sins, when I begged of him to do it for Jesus Christ his sake; me thoughts there seemed in me an Unnaturalness, a Disingenuity, and want of doing as I would be done by, and was done by, to astonishment.  
73. And for my help against these Troubles, I considered, that tho' those Expressions were profanely and wickedly spoken, as I thought, yet if it were to do again, I would give, to prevent my Trouble of Mind.  
74. April 1688, a very Religious Young man,( of the Church of England, and I hope a Christian, but not wholly taken off the Notions of his own Righteousness or his dependence on the Deeds of the Law, together with Jesus Christ for Salvation) in discourse of things, he was speaking of Selfdenial and Mortification, and the Excellency thereof, in order to please God for Salvation, to which I added a short Relation of my Prayer, when I threw my Soul before the Throne of God for Mercy, only for Christ's sake, and had the Pardon of my Sins; I say I added this by way of Amendment and Excellency, to show the right, and complete, and highest pitch of Self-denial, without which all other is ineffectual; and I said, Here's Self-denial of the right sort or kind! here's a Soul left wholly to the Pleasure of God, to save his own way, and that's by Jesus Christ, and not by any thing I had of my own Performances to pled or save it by!  
75. Some Years after my Assurance, I have had very often a great sense upon my Soul of my Sinfulness, and of the Excellency of Jesus Christ, and the admirable Wisdom of God, as well as his Love, in finding out such a way, such an excellent, complete, astonishing way, to continue his pardoning Grace to sinful Creatures.  
76. When I have sinned by Imperfections and wrong Thoughts, and by strong Corruptions of Nature, or as the Apostle saith, by a Law in my Members, warring against the Law in my Mind, then I have seen, or have had strong Apprehensions of the work of Jesus Christ, the Excellency of his fullness of Satisfaction or Reconciliation with God the Father, that there is no room to doubt of God's pardoning of Sin, no room to question his continuing our Father, our loving reconciled Father, notwithstanding our daily Infirmities and Sin of Imperfection.  
77. For as I have then also thought, if God had made the way to Heaven, by Man's doing or perfect doing of but one thing in all his Life, and left Man to himself, to take care of the Performance, How improbable or uncertain would Man's Salvation be, because of the many Cheats in the World about Religion, and also Man's want of perfect Understanding he would be no more sure of Salvation than Adam was of standing in his Innocency, which we see he was no sooner tempted, but fell.  
78. But this excellent way of Salvation by Jesus Christ, secures the Salvation of a Person in the hands of God and Christ, so that there is no danger of him that is to be Saved, ever miscarrying; God gives the Soul to Christ, and Christ saith, All that the Father hath given me shall come to me, and no Man taketh my Sheep out of my hand: They are bought with a Price, even the precious Blood of Christ, who by one offering perfected for ever those that are Sanctified, that they might be with him, and behold his Glory.  
79. March 1686, as I was reading Mr. Bunyan's Book, Saved by Grace, I thought certainly this is the best Book that was ever writ or I red, except the Bible, and then I remembered I had received a great deal of Comfort in all of his Books.  
80. Some time after my Assurance, and being under the Sense of the peculiar Love of God, it came into my mind, as I was upon my Stair-head, what Work I should do for God, and about the middle of the Stairs, I reckoned, that to Sell Books was the best I could do, and by that time I came to eth bottom, I concluded to Sell Mr. Bunyan's, and so I began to Sell Books, and have Sold about 3000 of Mr. Bunyan's, and also have been concerned in Printing the following Books, viz.  

The Works of Mr. John Bunyan, in Folio.  
The Sufficiency of the Spirits Teaching, by S. How.  
The Reason why not Infant-Sprinkling, by C. do.  
The Lynn-Persecution of J. Marham.  
God's Reconciliation, &c. by H. den.  
The Free Justification of a Sinner, by W. Eyre.  
A few Lines touching Baptism, by Mat. fen.  
The Heavenly Foot-Man, by John Bunyan.  
A Collection of Experiences, by C. do.  
With several other things.   
I had also some thoughts to have added many Reasons why I could not return or become a Member of the Church of England, but I forbear standing any farther thus in Print, and have omitted about 12 years late Experiences.  
Thus I( Silly I, Impotent I, Surrounded I) have  told in Print many of the secret things of my Soul, tho' some other Christians, from whom I expected Assistance, have more Wit, if not Grace, than to thus expose themselves, for the Comfort of others, and to attribute the Conversion of a Sinner, to only the Work of the Omnipotent Spirit: And tho' it is not now with me as sometimes it hath been, having often unaccountable Perplexities of Mind, Thoughts and Counter-Thoughts, for why, I know not, yet I question not my Safety, for I am satisfied that the Lord would not have done these( and more) great things for me, if he had been minded to have cast me away: And methinks I am comforted when I hear Folks tell what the Lord hath done for them, rather than what they have done for themselves or for the Lord, for I have not to boast of, but of Infirmities, and have often had cause to say as old Israel did, The Angel that hath preserved me all my Life long.  

Some safe Rules in Christianity.  
1. Believe no point of Doctrine barely, because this or that good Man saith it, except Prophets and Apostles, who by Commission barely asserts.  
II. Take no point of Doctrine for Divinity, but what is more than natural, or is revealed.  
III. Take no point of Discipline for Church Order, but what you find Precept or Example for in the New Testament. Distinguish between Church Order and Civil Order.  
IV. Take no Conversation to be good, but what is agreeing with the Moral Law.   

And according to these Rules Consider,  
V. That if thy Soul be lost by following this or that good Man, that will be no Satisfaction to thee.  
VI. That if thou thinkest that this or that way of Worship is so good, that it must needs please God, yet still it remains a Question, as at first, whether or no it doth indeed please God, except you have his word for it in the New Testament, for God will accept nothing in his Worship, but what he hath appointed, Obedience is better than Sacrifice, tho' really instituted Worship. 1 Sam. 15.22.  
VII. Let thy Designs in Religion be Bounded by Christ, make him the Centre and Circumference, that he may have the pre-eminence above all Men, nay, even of thyself too, for Christ is the Wisdom of God, that made and upholds all things, and will have no Man for a Partner( no not for a Particle) in his Work of Saving Sinners.  
I have lived long enough in the World to see many a good Cause split upon the Rocks of, Effect before the Cause, Peace before Truth, human Honour before Godly Fear.  
And therefore my Advice is, that all Persons that would not be cheated, and would do their Duty, do always observe:  
I. In order to understand the chief Points of Scripture, find out Cause and Effect, and be sure you put the Cause first.  
Let the New Testament be as it were thy Mistress Sarah, and the Old Testament much of it, as it were her Handmaid Hager: so shalt thou put the first and great Mover, the Covenant of Grace, before the Sub-servient Covenant of Works, and so understand Gospel from Law, Anti-Types from Types, and understand Prophesies and Promises.  
II. In point of Duty and Discipline, be sure you always prefer Truth before Peace, unless you would have Peace thrust Truth out of the World and Church, and so have a peaceable untrue Religion; majority of Votes is seldom a friend to the Gospel. But be sure you are not in this point Peevish, Self-conceited, Whimsical nor Spiritually Proud.  
III. As it is our Duty to Fear God and Honour the King, so be sure always Fear God before you Honour the King or less Men, least the Honour of the King proves a Contempt of the Fear of God.  
C. do.    

ERRATA.  
page. 14. Line 22. for for red soon.  
page. 23. Line 8. for Walks red Walls.  
I cannot say that every Relation is placed in its right order of Time.  
FINIS.