AN HUE and CRY AFTER CONSCIENCE: OR THE Pilgrim's Progress BY Candle-light, In search after HONESTY and PLAIN-DEALING. Represented under the Similitude of a DREAM. Wherein is discovered The Pretty manner of his setting out. His Pleasant Humours on his Journey. The Disappointment he met with after all his search. Together, With his flight at last into another Country, where he is ●●ill on his Rambles.  
Written by John Dunton, Author of the Pilgrim's Guide, from the Cradle to his Deathbed.  
London, Printed for john Dunton, 〈◊〉 the Black R●ven, at the Corner of Princes-street▪ near the Royal Exchange, in Cornhill, 1685.   

THE BOOKSELLER to the READER.  
Courteous Reader,  
AS the Author of this new and pleasant Dream, was considering with himself what he had Written (in a late Allegory) concerning the Pilgrims Guide from the Cradle to his Deathbed, and of his Triumphant passage from thence to a better World, etc. And how it had been acceptable to thousands in these three Nations of England, Scotland, and Ireland, but more especially to the Famous City of London. It happily came into his mind to Write, as then, of those that were journeying to an Heavenly Country. So now of all sorts of Wicked Pilgrims of either Sex, that are either posting directly to Hell, or madly dancing and frolicking upon the Brink of Destruction. And here under the similitude of a Certain Pilgrim (Christened DISCOVERY) Progressing by Candle-light, Diogenes like, in search after Honesty and Plain-dealing: All manner of Vice and Roguery is first P●inted to the Life, in its proper Colours, and then brought to light 〈◊〉 a Fatal Spectacle to the thinking and gazing part of Mankind, together with the most Eminent cheats of all Trades and Professions  
And therefore now that this Book (bearing my Father Duntons' Name) may be 〈◊〉 universally acceptable to all Mankind, 〈◊〉 those four Books have been, Entitled, Th●● House of Weeping, Dying Pastor's last●● Legacy, Heavenly Pastime, and the Sick man's Passing-Bell shall be the Earnest Endeavor and hearty wish of  
Your most Humble Servant, john Dunton.   

To the Ingenious DREAMER.  
'Tis well when others with their Waking Wit,  
Won't see what's Vice, that Dreams discover it:  
Servile applauses to no man I owe,  
Yet on your Dream my Verdict I'll bestow,  
More Truth nor better Sense, no Dreamer spoke,  
But Sir you Dream as if you were Awake.  
Your Cordial Friend, William True-Love.   

Note, that the General Sale of this Author's Works, hath encouraged the Bookseller to the Transcribing several more pleasant Treatises, bearing his Father's Name, which will speedily go to the Press, but that which will first see the Light, will be the Pilgrim's Rambles, since his flight from the Author into another Country.  
Farewell.   

ADVERTISEMENT Of two Books, newly Printed for John Dunton, at the Black Raven, at the Corner of Princes-street, near the Royal Exchange in Cornhill.  
A Very delightful Treatise Entitled, Pastime, or pleasant Observations newly Alegorized, in several pleasant, Dialogues, Poems, Similitudes, and Divine Fancies: To which is added, (1) The miraculous manner of the Production of our old Grandmother Eve, with the supposed manner of Adam's first Nuptial Addresses to her, and the pleasant Circumstances of their Marriage. (2) You have an Account of Eves first Addresses to Adam, and her Industry in making a Garment for her Husband. (3) You have a pleasant Account of Adam and Eve's Winter Suits, their Lodging and first Building, with an Account in what pretty manner they first invented a fire to warm them. (4) You have abundance of supposed Dialogues, very full of delightful reading: The first is between Adam and Eve, and Eve and the Serpent: The second Dialogue is between Cain and Abel, Monster Sin and Conscience: 3. Between Abraham and Sarah, upon her laughing at the thoughts of her bearing Children in her old age. 4. Between jacob and Rachel, upon his being willing to serve fourteen years to obtain her Love. (5) A Dialogue between Grim Death, and the flying Minutes. (6) Between Balaam and his Ass. (7) The Triumphs of Chastity, or a Dialogue between joseph and his Mistress, upon her tempting of him to Uncleanness. (8) Between Ruth and Naomi, upon these words, Nothing but Death shall part thee and me. (9) Between jonathan and David, including all the sweets of an entire Friendship. (10) A choice Dialogue fancied between King Solomon, and the Queen of Sheba, about the wonderful works of God throughout the whole Creation; to which is added, the Glory and Spendour of King Solomon's Court, together with the Queen of Sheba's glorious progress to it. (11) Between Adonibezeck and one of the sixty Kings he tormented under his Table, supposed to be in the other World. (12) A Dialogue between job and his Wife. (13) A fancied Dialogue between rich Dives, and poor Lazarus. (14) A very affectionate Dialogue between the returning Prodigal and his loving Father, together with choice Meditations upon our Saviour's great compassion to the Converted Thief upon the Cross. (15) A choice Dialogue between jairus and his Daughter after being raised from the dead, representing what ravishing sighs probably her Soul might behold during all the time her body lay dead in the Grave. (16) Useful Meditations upon Eutichus falling down dead sleeping at a Sermon. With about fifty extraordinary pleasant Dialogues and Poems besides. Price Bound 2s. 6d.  
THe Progress of Sin, Or, The Travels of Ungodliness: Wherein the Pedigree, Rise or Original, Antiquity, Subtlety, evil Nature, and prevailing Power of Sin is fully discovered, in an apt and pleasant Allegory: Together with the great Victories he hath obtained, and Abominable Evils he hath done to Mankind, by the help of the Devil, in all his Travels from the beginning of the World, to this present day. As also the manner of his Apprehension, Arraignment, Trial, Condemnation and Execution. The second Edition: To which is now added, Vngodliness' Voyage to Sea, with many pleasant Additions besides. By B. Keach. Illustrated with five lively Cuts. Price Bound 1s.   

AN HUE and CRY After CONSCIENCE: OR, The Pilgrim's search after Honesty and Plain-dealing.  
MUsing with myself one day, how unprosperous Virtue and her attendants were in the World, and how Vice Triumphed every where; the thought possessed me with a Melancholy damp that sat heavy on my mind; to divert which, I could imagine no better expedient, than to wander in solitary places, and condole the unhappy estate of erring Mortals. When Travelling towards the private recess of nature, I was somewhat refreshed with the fragancy of the Fields and Groves, who breathed sweet Odours, whilst the Winged Choirestors from every Bough and Blooming Shrub, warbled tribute Praises to their Maker, and all the fleecy Flocks that spread the Flowery Plains expressed their bleating joy, cheered with the Morning Sun, whose thirsty Beams drunk up the Pearly Dew, the consideration of which incited me to contemplate the Harmony and order of the Creation; how from the World's Original all Creatures (Man excepted) have made good the ends to which they were Created: And that he alone, who is so proud of being Rational, should suffer himself to sink beneath the meanest Animal, in dissenting from the will of his Creator.  
Whilst these Imaginations run strongly in my mind, a sudden drowsiness sat heavy on my-Eyes, and as it were compelled me to repose on a Grassy Bed, enameled with Nature's sweets, and far removed from noise and clamour, that still reign in places Populous, where giving way to the soft Charmer, soon I fell a sleep, and sleeping dreamt a Dream. I dreamt, and behold a Man stood by me, whose Eyes seemed brighter than the Morning Star, more piercing than the sight of Eagles, on his Brows sat Gravity and Wisdom, and in his front in mystic Characters understanding ●eep Engraven, and as he stood he lifted up his voice, and cried, The Secreiss of the 〈◊〉 are before me, he that will DISCOVER 〈…〉 follow the Light of understanding. And when he had cried, I saw in my Dream a light spring up, as of a Burning Tapor, whose brightness dazzled my Eyes, which he taking in his Hand, moved a softly pace towards a Spacious City, whose glittering Pyramids reflected the Sun Beams, and as he moved by a strang● Sympathy, methought he drew me after him, nor was I displeased, as being much desirous to see the end, or what the Apparition (for so I conceived it at first) could make out of wonder or unusual mystery. When coming to the Gates, I heard a doleful wailing, and looking up beheld a Woman clothed in rags, meager as Famine, for her Eyes were sunk, her withered Breasts hung down, and on her faded Cheeks want and necessity impressed their Seals, and after her cried many Infants for their daily food, but all in vain, for I perceived she had nought to feed them with but Tears, which flowed in Rivulets. She had it seems been round the World to ease her misery, but found no relief, for every where the Door was shut against her, by reason Avarice her Mortal Enemy, had incensed Mankind to cast her off, vowing her destruction, for opposing his encroachments in the days of old. She passed us, and I looking after her, as grieved at such a sight, saw● Charity in Hebrew Characters, inwoven on her tattered Garments, whereat I sighed and thus expressed myself. 
Hard fate said I, that she who was admired  
In days of old, and decently attired,  
Welcomed in every place, made the delight,  
And darling of Mankind thus put to flight,  
Should feed on Air, and dwell in shades of night.  I would have proceeded, but was put bedsides my intention upon the approach of a Female form half naked, who with extended Arms endeavoured to grasp th● Flying Air, she came not on the groun● as the former, but rod on empty Clouds which she had long expected the Earth would fill with its ascending moisture though in vain, for still the vapours fle●● ascance flagged their Wings, or rising hig●● were drunk up by the Sun Beams, whic● made her sigh and utter frequent Lamenta●tions, that intimated she had a long tim● been deceived by Flattery, who had give● her a prospect of many desirable things with a promise that she should posset them, but after all left her upon the borders of the Land of Doubting, where she had yet some glimmering of light, and imagined she saw things at a distance, which she was hasting towards, as eagerly desiring to possess them. Now in my Dream I perceived she had not passed above a furlong, but she entered a dark Region, called, the Province of Despair, and there continued wand'ring in the Air, till the dissolved to nothing, but as she glided along on her Garments, which were made of the Skins of Cammelions, her name was written in the Colour of an evening Mist, by which I understood she was Hope, and pondering with myself, I imagined I had once been familiar with her, but seeing how she lost herself, in vainly placing her mind on things below, I thus discanted. 
When Hope on Worldly things her mind does place,  
She feeds on Air, and only shades does chase;  
Yet Flattery leads her on, till she at last  
Doubting, herself upon Despair does cast,  
Who makes her nothing, or does chain her fast.  By this time methought we had passed the Gate, and the Prespect represented many stately Buildings, replenished with Inhabitants of all Crafts and Occupations, with every thing desirable for the support of life, and to gratify the expectations of those that Worldly pomp and pajentry delight, more than solid joys, when methought I was very desirous to know who it was that like a Loadstone drew me after him, which the Man perceiving by the earnestness of my countenance, pulled out a Scroll, and opening it, I read therein many wonderful things, and conceived them to be true, because they were delivered under the Seal of Wisdom, chief Secretary to Understanding, and upon the Backside was written in Letters of Gold DISCOVERY, which he told me was his Name, and that Wisdom whose Servant he was, had sent him from the Land of knowledge, to discover the ways of vice and folly, who have of late made many inroads into the Region of virtue and understanding; where assisted by Flattery and Dissimulation, they have alinated divers from ways of Honesty and Plain-dealing, paths now almost unfrequented and overgrown with Moss, which in the days of old were wont to be filled with justling Crowds, who frequently contended for the way. Being thus far satisfied, I was about to give my opinion concerning his undertaking, and to inform him what little satisfaction such a discovery would give the World, as now it stands, but had not time before in my Dream; I beheld an Image pale as Death, with trembling Steps and fluttering wings, advancing towards us, deeply sighing and complaining of the hard usage it had met with from Ingratitude, Avarice, and Extortion, with divers others, who for the good Offices it attemped to do them, had often put it to torture by ●earing it with hot Irons, scosing and laughing it to scorn; nay made an Invasion upon its life, by indeavoring to smother and stifle it; which it had a long time born in hopes to prevail by mild persuasions and meekness, against such rash proceeding; but in the end being used worse and worse, and beginning to complain of such out rages to the Maker of the World, whose Steward she is. A Pestilent Fellow called Atheism, who has lately Invaded Zion, counselled those with whom I lived to turn me out of doors, whose council they gladly Embraced, hardening their hearts to that degree, that they became stones, which I perceiving and finding I could not live on such Diet, I as willingly consented to leave 'em, and am now going to the Celestial City, to give an account of my Steward-ship, where I doubt not but I shall find better reception. Now whilst I was wondering who this should be Discovery whispers me in the Ear and told me it was Conscience; how Conscience said I, and with that I cried out, O Ingrateful world, and art thou treated so, who oughtest to be the square and balance of Good men, and regulator of the actions of the just, thou true Essential good! thou Soul of virtue! and thou Ray divine!  
Now in my Dream methought I was about to Embrace her, but like a shade she flew from my extended Arms, and vanished in a Mist: yet in token of her kindness, left a strong ●●pression of her tenderness upon my Soul, which made me break into this Rapture: 
Wilt thou blessed Guider of our ways be gone,  
Like Heaven's swift flame, no sooner blaze but done;  
Return, return, thou Comfort of mankind,  
L●t some at least so great a blessing find,  
Let some have light, though half the world be blind.   
Scarce had I ended, when in my Dream I beheld two men coming towards us Laughing as loud as possible, whose unseasonable Mirth, DISCOVERY noting, and knowing they trod the paths of Unrighteousness, cried out, woe be to you that laugh now, for you shall weep hereafter. This put me upon the Inquiry, when I was quickly informed they were Usury and Extortion, who had been the chief Agents in starving out Charity, deluding of Hope, and banishing of Conscience. By this time having a full view of 'em, methought they so much Resembled a Taleyman and a Broker, that I could fitly compare them to no other, and as it fell out I was not mistaken in my aim, for as they approached, I perceived they fell into the following discourse:  Usery. 
A jew say you was he that first Invented the Taleys, and brought 'em acquainted with Usery and Extortion?  Extortion. 
Yess, so our Father Covetousness informed me, and that he learned 〈◊〉 of a Turk.  Use. 
No matter where since by that means money's raised from six, to sixty in the hundred, these are prosperous days with us Brother, now we may enlarge our thoughts.  Ext. 
Mine are enlarged already, desire has no wider Room than I afford to court the Glittering Oar. O Mammon, Mammon! how much I admire thee, while with bounteous hand thou showrest on me what most delights my Soul.  Use. 
Yess he is a good Benefactor to us, and we'll prove as true to him, since we have gotten such acquaintance with him; he loves I see to have all our Service and Friendship to himself, for as long as we conversed with Charity, he was shy and Cautious.  Ext. 
Ay, and kept aloft for fear we should convert what he gave us to any other use than what he intended.  Use. 
Right, but now you talk of Charity, prithee what's become on her, since we gave her such sharp answers as made her despair of doing any good with us?  Ext. 
Why I believe she may be dead by this time, she has been very sick and crazy this many years.  Use. 
I heard a Country fellow say about a Twelve month ago she was gotten amongst the Villagers, who lodged her for a while on a Peas-straw Bed, and fed her on mouldy Cheese and skin Milk, but at that rate they soon grew weary of her, and sent her away with a Pass signed by justice Curmudgeon.  Ext. 
A Wood man, now you put me in mind on't, told me he saw her since in a great Forest, and that she was Gnawing the Bark of the Trees.  Use. 
Good lack, well past doubt she's pined to death by this time; but it's no matter whether so or not, since she's like to trouble us no more.  Ext. 
Ay, ay, you say very right: But can you think it? The other day Hope came to my House and told me she hoped I would lend her some Money upon her own Band, that she hoped for great preferment, and that she hoped she should grow Rich and keep a good House, that she hoped to see prosperous and flourishing Times, beyond what she had done: That she hoped she had many Friends, and many the like Expressions.  Use. 
This was a very pretty fancy, I hope quoth they. Ay, ay, she may hope and yet be deceived for all that, but let me tell you, though by the way she was mighty silly to hope for money of any of our profession, upon those grounds, we hoped and hoped again, but all would not do till we took other courses. But prithee what Answer did you make her?  Ext. 
Why first I asked her if she had nothing but hopes to live upon, for if you han't said I, you must take up with the Chammelions who ●ed on the Air.  Use. 
She told me she hoped better, and she hoped I would lend her some money.  Ext. 
Ay said I, if you have any Land to Mortgage, Plate or Jewels to Pawn or so.  Use. 
She hoped, she said, she should have both. Then said I, I hope you'll be gone and trouble me no more, till that day comes for no Penny no Paternoster, and with that she went sighing out of my Shop: and I believe by this time she finds that her hopes are vain.  Ext. 
Ay doubtless, but she that troubled us most in the dawn of our undertake. Was Conscience saucy? Conscience, who would ever be rebelling against our Inclinations.  Use. 
Ay indeed, I for my part found her very troublesome, although I had her in a Kerb-Bridle; for when she saw me in a thriving way, by lending money upon Bond and judgement, and within a day or two, or so, seize upon all my Chapmen had, and clap him into the Bilboes to make him sell or mortgage his Land. She would tell me of grinding the Face of the Poor, and begin to check me at a strange rate, for which unseasonable sa●cyness I have knocked her down twenty times in a day, yet she would still be Rebelling.  Ext. 
And I think I used her severely enough before I could be rid on her; never were Bees smoked with Brimstone, as I smoked her with the fuel of Obstinacy, by stopping my Ears to her Clamour, and contradicting her in all her motions.  Use. 
She was no fit Companion for us, for she would often be talking of Heaven and Hell, and urging Scripture to us, as if we minded that.  Ext. 
And presenting us with Widows and Orpheans tears, the cries of the oppressed, and the distress of those we have genteely out witted and gulled of their Estates, with twenty the like trivial matters; but since we are rid of her no more on't.  
Now I saw in my Dream that Discovery came near and interrupted their discourse, etc.  Discovery. 
Gentlemen are you of this City— If you are—  Ext. 
If we are! Why what if we are, or what if we are not? But to be plain with you Sir, we have Lodgings every where; but our Mansion Houses are in the Land of Covetousness, a fruitful place I'll assure you.  Disc. 
Very fine Sir, But are you acquainted with Plain-Dealing and his Brother Honesty?  Use. 
No indeed Sir, they are none of our Acquaintance, nor do we desire they should; they were our Neighbours once, but proved so unprofitable and troublesome, that none of our profession cared for living by 'em: So we together with our Brethren of the faculty, got a decree to banish 'em out of all places where we were Concerned; and now I believe it will be a hard matter to find 'em in these parts, for as I take it, they talked of journeying to America, to take up with the Native Indians, when we washed our hands of 'em.  Disc. 
Pray Gentlemen of what Profession are you, that Plain Dealing and Honesty should be so offensive to you, I'll assure you, I have heard a very good Character of 'em in the days of Old.  Ext. 
Ay Friend it may be so, but those days are past, and we know better things for all that, than to have any thing to do with 'em,— a couple of sneaking Fellows as they are; I am sure I am five hundred Pounds the worse for the little Society I had with 'em, and I believe my Brother here is little less, for we are Tradesmen if it please you Sir.  Disc. 
How Tradesmen, and stand at defiance with Honesty and Plain Dealing?  Vs● 
Yess truly, and live better by far since we routed 'em, than ever before.  Disc. 
But know you not that the way of the Wicked shall not prosper, and that every Work shall be brought into Judgement, whether it be good or evil.  Ext. 
Ha! What does he talk Scripture to us?— Stay let us see,— who can this be?— Uds-lid 'tis the Ghost of Conscience in Disguise, with a Candle in her hand, Fly, fly I say, lest she again possess us, and trouble us worse than ever.  
Now I beheld in my Dream, that they hasted to a gloomy coverture loving darkness, rather than light, because their deeds were evil. And we passed on to another Path of the City, which by the many Indentures that stuck up in the Windows, I conceited to be Sheepskin Row, where I beheld a man coming out of a dark place with a Libel in his Mouth, and on it was Written in a mixture of Letters, Forgery, being habited like a Scribe, for his Coat was Laced with the defrauded Orphans Sighs, and Spangled with Widows Tears; wherefore I conceived it vain to inquire for Honesty or Plain Dealing in that place, and would have passed him, but Discovery would needs discourse him: Now I perceived when he Addressed himself, the man started to meet a Person at noon day with a light in his hand, as doubting it might be Diogenes in search of an honest man, and would have turned out of the way, but that he imagined Conscience lay skulking on the other side in a dark Cellar, whose greeting he dreaded more than an Army with Banners; and therefore altering his resolves, he came blundering on, when thus I fancied I heard 'em Dialogue.  Disc. 
Well met Sir, pray why in so much hast?  Forgery. 
Because I am going Sir about business of consequence, delays you know Sir often breeds danger.  Disc. 
Are you acquainted in these parts?  Forge. 
Yess verily, I think I am, all these Houses call me Master, I laid their Foundation upon the people's Ignorance, and made Spendthrift and Prodigality build the rest upon their own ruin.  Disc. 
Policy indeed goes a great way, but Sir, can you direct me how I may find one Goodman Honesty in these parts?  Forge. 
Truly I have heard something of him in my time, pray what should he be, a Housekeeper or an Inn-mate, or what Country man is he?  Disco. 
Directly Sir I can't inform yo● but this I have heard, he seldom stays long in a place, because few delight in his Company, he has a Brother too they call him Plain-Dealing.  Forge. 
A couple of plain Country fellows I'll warrant you— Well unless you find either of them at my Neighbour Simplicities at the Sign of the Fool's Cap, a little before you, I know not where you'll light on 'em, and so fare you well, for I must hast to make my Neighbour Sickleys Will, lest he should be returned Mortus est before I come; but if he be, it matters not much, I can put his Hand to it, I have put many Dead-mens-Hands to Wills before now, and wiped the Noses of such as gaped for his Inheritance.  Disc. 
Where was your Conscience then, was it asleep.  Forge. 
Alas Sir, I had sent her packing many a day before that, upon her checking me, for counterfeiting Corporation Seals, and Mortgaging their Lands without their knowledge.  Dis. 
And how came you off in that case? It must certainly be known in the end.  Forge. 
O never Sir! For I repaid the Money, and took up my Mortgage after I had used it as long as my occasions requi●●d. But now I think further Sir I must bid you adieu. Oh Dear! I had almost forgot, I should have been at Mr. Knaveries two hours since, to affix a Hand and Seal to a band of 1000 L. by way of imitation— Your Servant Sir.  
Now in my Dream I beheld he hasted towards the Castle of Deceit, whereupon we inquired at Mr. Simplicities as we were directed; but instead of Honesty and Plain-dealing, we found Folly and Ignorance, sitting in two wicker Chairs, in great State, and about them many attendance who waited by turns, but having no business with them, we hasted to Papers-tree, a place for many Letters famed through the World, and there we found a grave Person sitting in a Volumnious place, encompassed with the labours of 5000 Mortals, Ancient and Modern, here or no where thought I we may be informed, and by the information cease our further search, but my expectation failed, for I found soon after that the Man's Head was wondrous Airey, being made up for the most part of Romance and strange imagination, yet Discovery would inquire, though I had before informed him, he would lose his labour. Now at his approach I perceived the Man was not a little affrighted, for 〈…〉 ground, he imagined 〈◊〉 might be the Ghost of some deceased Author whom he had Hackneyd to death; but finding his mistake, and recollecting himself, he pulled of his Hat, and made a crindging congee, which gave me opportunity to discern Self-Interest, in large Characters on his forehead, but Discovery not presently perceiving it, fell to ask him many Questions, as thus.  Discovery. 
Sir does this place call you Master, know you all your Neighbours here about?  Self-Interest. 
To both I answer in the affirmative, but pray Sir why inquire you?  Disc. 
'Tis some thing I want that makes me so inquisitive.  Self-Int. 
If wares you want of this kind I can furnish you with all Sorts, I have what you please, you see not half my store, will it please you to walk further.  
Now I perceived Discovery had a mind to enter his Cabinet of Rarities as he termed it, to make some observations, which willingness he perceiving, he lead us into a dark entry, crowded on either side with Leather and Pasteboard, where by the light Discovery brought, I beheld Rebellious Principles peep out at one Corner, Sedition at an other, false Doctrine stood there Triumphant, and the Italian Art of Poisoning barefaced, Mahomet was ranked with the Prophets, and old Hobbs with the Evangelists, Mugletons' Sermons lurked in private, and the rank Weeds of Atheism reached the ceiling, Debauchery the baen of youth, took up a shelf for her own conveniency, and Arian Heresy was rampant, on the other side were musty Legends, beautified with the conveniency of a new Title, promising wondrous things, though not one word in the following pages, and next them stood Encroachments upon the proprieties of his Brothers in iniquity, and an Additional Impression in Partner-ship, sealed with the Ignorance of his Coleague. And for all this was he taken for a Saint and a Hero, but when as you may perceive the light of Understanding came to Scrutenize him, all proved otherwise.  
Now I dreamt that Discovery began to ask him other questions, but especially if he was acquainted with Honesty and Plain-dealing, or knew the place of their abode, but he protested he was altogether ignorant of them, only had read that they were many years since Familiar Companions with divers of the Philosophers, and some few of the Hermit's, as for himself, he said he managed his Trade well enough and needed not their assistance, and finding we were not Chapmen for his turn, he whistled for a drudge in Petticoats, and telling us his Dinner cooled by this delay, dismissed us with, your Humble Servant Gentlemen.  
Thus far travelling in vain, me thought I began to be weary, and entreating Discovery to stay a while, sat me down on a pair of stairs to rest myself, where I had not been long, but I heard a noise above accompanied with divers imperfect murmours, which at first I took for a Leet, or Court of Pypouder; but hearing at the same time a knocking, and the noise renewed of two pence, three pence, who bids more. I verily believe they were exposing Honesty to sale by Inch of Candle, by reason of the lowness of the rate: Desirous to be informed I entreated Discovery to accompany me into this place of clamour who consenting, we no sooner came to the top of the ascent, but we beheld a Diminutive Fellow, with staring Eyes, Hair tucked up, and his Mouth drawn from Ear to Ear, standing in a kind of a Tub or Quakers Pulpit, with a Book in his Hand, as if he intended to edify the People that were grumbling out their Sentiments, when all on a sudden opening as loud as Mugleton in the height of his damning days, and whilst the Auditory stood with their Mouths at half cock, expecting the issue of a long preamble, comes to the Text and cries, Here Gentlemen you have the true Art of Phoenix catching, and infalliable Receipts for the Philosopher's Stone, here are directions how to make Pearls of Due drops, and how a Man by easily stopping all the Rivers that run into the Ocean, may drain it, and catch Whales dry shod, without the tediousness of a Greenland Voyage. By this an old Woman of fourscore may be directed to restore herself to fifteen, and young Gentlemen who have made over their Estates by conveyance, find means to wrest them out of the Hands of a griple Usurer. He that has a generous flame for learning, let him buy this, and he's made for ever. But if any of you have good Money in your Pockets and yet will starve your Brains, you deserve to be posted for Sots and Blockheads to posterity.— Six pence once, seven pence once, eight pence once, nine pence once, twelve pence once, twelve pence twice, thrice. 'Tis yours Sir.  
Now in my Dream I beheld they all crowded about the party that had bought this supposed piece of rarety, and what should it be but T●m Thumb in Folio with Marginal Notes, whereat the buyer perceiving his Mountain expectations, had brought forth a Mouse sneaked away like a Cur that had lost his Tail, here I further observed that when any Book of value through defect of bidding was likely to go under rate, the Supervizor of these fallacies had one at Hand to save it by bidding higher, or inflaming the bidders in emulation to each other, advancing it at its double value, and if inquiry be made for whom he Purchases, he has a name at his Tongue's end, pretending a commission, but all is false, for in the end the Books returned from whence it came: Now in one corner of the Room, I perceived Deceit lay lurking close, but Folly flew about on Wings of Ignorance, and Self-conceit prompting the eager multitude to purchase Books at a third part dearer than their Neighbours would afford the very same Books; for but that that sets 'em going, is the rumour of some eminent man's choice, Library Books, which the Ignorant imagine are no where to be found but there, when in plain English, this Eminent man's Library is the Bookseller himself, and no body else: Wherefore despairing to find Honesty and Plain Dealing in this place, we never so much as made inquiry, but e'en trudged down the same way we came up, but scarce had time to take the Air. When in my Dream I beheld a man coming out of a Dirty place, rubbing his Nose with a pair of dark coloured Hands, his Visage was grim, and looking this way and that way, as if he feared some danger, clapped down a Trap-door after him, and so came towards us, giving us a full but before he was aware, which made him retreat six or seven paces, and there making a full stop, stood peering at us, for having been so long in the dark, or at least by Candle-light, I perceived he was grown mope Eyed: But Discovery desirous to unravel him, began to Sift him in this manner:  Discovery. 
Pray you Sir what make you stand at this distance? Why so Aghast, do you take us for Goblins?  Dissension. 
I know not but you may, or if you are not, I take you to be little better than mad men to burn Candle at this time o'th' day.  Disc. 
Friend it behoves us so to do, for we are upon the search, and have many dark places to discover.  Diss. 
How! upon the search! Alas than I am undone, for if they find out ● private Gimcracks, I'm ruined for ever: Nay, I believe they see me come out. What a dull Rogue was I, that I did not take better Observations through my peephole, before I ventured to open the Trap.  Disc. 
Why are you thus disturbed Friend, is our presence so Offensive?  Diss. 
No no, no disturbance at all, nothing but a little Qualm came over my Stomach, 'tis usual.  Disc. 
Are you of this World, or that beneath us, that you came crawling out of the Ground like an Insect?  Diss. 
Ha! am I discovered then! What shall I do? But Gentlemen, did you see me creep out of my Cave?  Disc. 
Yess we think we did, and are desirous to know your profession?  
Now in my Dream I beheld the man tremble and shake, looking this way and that way, as if he considered which way to run. But Discovery assuring him, that if he would answer him plainly, to such Questions as he demanded, no harm should befall him: he was a little comforted, and promised to do this.  Disc. 
Sir your profession, that's the first particular.  Diss. 
Why Sir, I'm a Terrestrial Incendiary, an imbroyler of Friends, a mear beautifew: I have Engines that cast forth Granades, which have set Cities and Towns in a blaze of dissension.  Disc. 
How! what's all this you run upon?  Diss. 
Night and day Sir I have often laboured to promote mischief in that dark Cellar. I have a Gimerack that has groaned frequent with other men's properties; as also Sedition, and little less than Treason many a fair Fortnight: O I have done many things for some great men of the Paper professors, that have procured 'em a Venison Pastry on a Holy day, or so; though when they came to the touch Stone, they had the face to disown 'em, and made me jack hold their staff: Many a time have I heard a. HOG in Armour grunting about my Trap-door, but was not able to turn it up with his Snout: Ay many a fair business have I done for myself, for when I saw my Patrons in partnership for Supernumerarys, unknown to each other I was upon the same lay, and Supernumerated 'em both, and that I think was but one Knaves trick for another.  Disc. 
And where was your Conscience all this while?  Diss. 
O Sir that dropped into the Lie pan, as I was straining one day upon a Surfeit taken by feeding upon the fruits of Honesty, and a Lad that I kept called Interest, pissed out her Eyes, so that she could never find the way back again.  Disc. 
The fruits of Honesty! Why 'tis Honesty himself that we are in search of: can you direct us where we may find him?  Diss. 
No truly Sir can't I, nor know I now where to help you to one Apple of the Tree of his planting, nor will it suit with my business to be concerned in such an undertaking.  Disc. 
Has Plain-dealing nothing neither to do in your profession?  Diss. 
No I think not, for should he once come amongst us, all of our Trade have such an Antipathy against him, that he'd either be knocked o'th' head with the Bar, or goarged with Ink till he scoured his Guts out.  Disc. 
Then yours is a kind of a dangerous profession.  Diss. 
O Yess, a very dangerous one; why it has in times of old been formidable to the Nation. O had you heard what Roaring Bulls flew from the press, between forty and forty eight; Ay, and at divers other times you would have trembled.  Disc. 
were they so dreadful then?  Diss. 
Dreadful! Ay, I'll warrant you it appeared they were dreadful, for they then shook the Islands: But I can stay no longer, yonder comes one whose sight I must avoid, lest he correct and revise me before I am ready for him.  
Now in my Dream I beheld the man left us and slunk into a dark Entery, which it seems was a thoroughfare, leading to the Land of Blackness, so that we saw him no more: But as Discovery conversed with him, I saw the word Imprinted pined on his sleeve, from whence I conceited him a Typographer, and from that time forward, named him the Engine of Dissension. But we had not gone far ere we came into Feigning Street, and this I perceived was chiefly inhabited by hypocrisy, who had a World of votaries, and a train of green approved Sinners to wait on her when ever she had a mind to take the Air, for you must know this is represented as a Female Iniquity, though too frequently incident to either Sex; She's a great enemy to Faith, and the only Sister to Dissimulation; she was dressed in the Habit of a Nun, pretending to the greatest strictness imaginable, her Cheeks were furrowed with ●asting spital, which many took for tears, sighs she had ever at command, and every now and then would strain a gentle groan, and would be still reproving Vice in those that were most virtuous and sincere, talk much of watching, fasting, Prayer and Alms; but all this talk was but in public to gain Applause or Interest for in private, and with those she durst trust with the Secret, she would revel it all day, and in Adulterous Arms spend many a night, counting Religion than a Ceremony, a mere shade: She's much in fashion w●th our modern Strumpets, who having so far mortified themselves that actual sin decays in them, who then, and not till then would seem Religious: But having quite forgot the notions embrace Hypocrisy, Who is ever ready to receive 'em with her open Arms, and she serves well enough, if nature ne'er restores their vigour; but if she do, off goes that shadow of a Cloak, and to the Trade they fall again.  
Whilst these representations were before me, I perceived in my dream that two in Female form approached us, talking as they came: Their habit was grave and countenance composed demure, their Eyes fixed on the ground, their gaite steady and even, when within hearing me thought I heard 'em argue thus.  1 Woman. 
How this Stratagem deceives the World, and takes the easier sort in the Net of crudulity.  2 Woman. 
Right it does so, 'tis the securest Cloak for Vice to ●●roud it from the Eyes of Men that ever was devised.  1 Wom. 
I act it so to the Life, that many veryly believe me really honest. O had you seen me the other day what set faces I made, what forced sighs I fetched whilst tears which I command at will flowed down my Cheeks, you would have been concerned to see how the unthinking People pitied me, and at the self same time expressed a joy, that they had gained a proselyte so truly penitential.  2 Wom. 
Knew they that you were 〈…〉 the Streets, and tread the paths of wickedness?  1 Wom. 
They did, and so much the more re●oyced that they had drawn me from wickedness.  2 Wom. 
And what is it you further intend in this new undertaking?  1 Wom. 
Why, to keep 'em still in ignorance, till I have made my day get what I can, and cured the scars received in honour of Venus, who is still my Lodestar, though I seem to steer an o●her course.  2 Wom. 
Hypocrisie a mysterious thin●, ● thing to dark for mortal Eye to penetrate, 〈…〉 wisely managed.  1 Wom. 
It is— Ha— my Heart misgives me we are overheard.— See— see how close you Lurcher stands.  2 Wom. 
If so your Interest will be ruined. But see they come up nearer, set a good face on't, and perhaps they'll not believe their Ears.  1 Wom. 
Ay— ay— I'll warrant ye.— Ha what art thou Man with the burning Tapor in thy Hand.  Disc. 
Why so shy, and why this Garb of Hypocrisy still, think you we are Ignorant who and what you are, and that we overheard not your discourse.  2 Wom. 
I say thou art Satan yea the great Deceiver who hast broken thy chain, and art come to vex, yea to fret, yea to torment us, therefore avoid, avoid I say.  Disc. 
Come pull of this Garb of Hypocrisy and deceive the World no longer.  
Upon which I further beheld in my Dream, that they left us in haste, but had not been gone many paces, before they went into a little Brandy-Shop, to refresh themselves with a Cup of the Creature, whereupon we passed on but were not got out of Feigning-street before we met a Man in homely attire, wondrous grave, and of a seeming honest countenance, who without any scruple came up with us, and demanded our business in that place? We told him we were in search of Honesty and Plain-dealing: Why than said he, as for Plain-dealing you need not search any further, for I am the very Man. Now I thought to myself our Journey would be at an end, for if we found one, he could easily direct us to the other, and thereupon was about to express the satisfaction I conceived, but Discovery winked at me to be silent; and thus began to Dialogue with him.  Discovery. 
Sir if you are the party read this Credential: it contains business of moment, tending to your happiness and future prosperity.  Counterfeit. 
Credential me no Credentials Friend, for I am the Man I tell you without reading your Credential.  Disc. 
These are to let you know that I am sent to you from Wisdom the Queen of Virtues, to import many things to you; know you her Seal Sir?  Count. 
It may be I do, or it may be I do not: But what is your business with me now I am found?  Disc. 
I must first be satisfied whether I am not mistaken before I can impart any Secret to you.  Count. 
Sir if you are so shy I care for none of your Secrets, yet I tell you I am Plain-dealing.  Disc. 
Where is your Brother? how fairs the Darling of Virtue?  Count. 
Sir I have no Brother, I have a Sister indeed.  Disc. 
How Sir, is not Honesty your Brother?  Count. 
No Sir, nor none of my Acquaintance neither I'll assure ye.  Disc. 
Than you are an Impostor Sir, that have assumed a name that ne'er will be your due, and if I mistake not, you are Counterfeit, Brother to Dissimulation, false as empty Clouds and wandering Fire.  Count. 
And what then Sir, may not I be a Plain-dealer for all that?  Disc. 
No Sir you never can: 'tis such as you who putting on a Garb of seeming Virtue, under that disguise act such villanies, as make the truly virtuous be despised.  Count. 
Nay Friend, if you are Angry, turn the Buckle of your Girdle behind you, and so farewell.  
Now I saw in my Dream he flung away in a great rage, and we kept on our course; but stumbling upon Sloth that lay in the middle of the Street, I started, and in startling awake & beh●ld i● was a 〈◊〉; so lifting up my Eyes and finding myself in a spacious Meadow, I was fully convinced that all that had passed was but a Dream. The birth of Imagination Midwifed by fancy, proceeding from the ramblings of the Soul, which in its eternal Wake makes strange discoveries; but long these thoughts had not traversed my more Capacious understanding, ere sleep that Emblem of Death courted my Eyelids afresh, and in his carresses grasped them so hard that my Senses melted in the Arms of sweet Repose. When I Dreamt and beheld in my Dream that sundry Phantasius were triping round me, representing, Folly, jealousy, Self-conceit, Pride, Ambition, and a thousand such like Airey vanities; but whilst I was making observations on their many antic shapes and studied postures, the Curtain was drawn before the Queen of Faryland, whose Palace is called the Castle of Delusion, a strong place, to which many give themselves up voluntary prisoners, where they wander from Room to Room; lead continually by the Spirit of Uncertainty, till they fall into the Quagmire of Despair, and there they are lost for ever. But this Scene being over, and it clearing up again, ● on a sudden found myself in the place were before I left of the search, and fancied it to be the Town of Vanity by the many representations that tended to no other effect; scarcely had these thoughts took place, but looking over my shoulder I beheld my old Companion Discovery, and was not a little glad I had so luckily stumbled on him; yet had not time to veil my Bonnet and pay my Respects, ere clapping me on the Cheeks, he whispered in a soft tone, Why have you thus unkindly absented yourself in the Dawn of my Progress, seeing there are many wonders in the Mist of Deceit (A gloomy Region) that are yet to be discovered by the light of Understanding. I blushed at this methought, and would have replied, but was hindered by the unexpected approach of a Fellow laden with Mutton-Taffata, and Calves-Skin; at first I supposed him a Knight Arrant with Shield in his Hand, but afterwards found him a Pasteboard bearer; his Pockets rattled with Gimcracks of divers devices, and at his Arse hung dangling a Gluepot, and a Pipkin of mouldy Past, many Cording quires with much Thread; and on the Skirt of his Doublet stuck a hafted Bodkin, with long Eyed Needles. Now in my Dream I wondered who this should be, once I thought it might be Time, but perceiving neither Hourglass nor Seith, I took him to be an Actor in some Farce, who thus had dressed himself in Redicule to move a Laughter; but had not guest, long before Discovery obliged him to make a full stop, though e'er he could be steady, he started like a Huffing Hector at the Salute of a Sergeant. Yet recollecting himself, cried Sir your Business with me; whereupon I perceived they began to Dialogue as followeth.  Discovery. 
My business is to find out Honesty and Plain-dealing: Can you direct me to their house Friend?  Book-b. 
Their house Sir, why do you imagine then that they are Housekeepers: No no, never conceit it, for I remember twenty Years agone they were but Lodgers in our Row, and then could scarcely pay their Chamber rend, their gettings were so small; and would you have 'em Housekeepers in these days, when no body will give 'em Porridge for their Labour.  Disc. 
That's hard, But Time informed me, he once knew 'em in a flourishing condition and high esteem.  Book-b. 
Ay he might perhaps in the first Age of the World, but these days are past, and now they are held in such contempt, that I who am but a Book-binder, scorn to keep 'em Company.  Disc. 
Then it seems friend, that you can give me no directions.  Book-b. 
No verily not I, they were hankering about my door a while agone, but my Wife lead me such a weary life, till I had shamed 'em off, with shame Turkey, Sheepskin for Calf, Scabards' instead of Pasteboard, Glue without sowing, and the like, you would not think it. As for Knavery, if you have any business with him, he's a very thriving Gentleman that lives hard by, and one that I have got many a fair pound by.  Disc. 
I know friend as well as you how to find the man you mention, but our business is not with him, and so good by to you.  
Now in my Dream I beheld we passed this insiped thing, but had scarce turned the Corner, before a brisk Fellow bolted out of a dark Alley, was upon us ere we was aware on him, and was hung round with Quires of White and Brown, and so covered with Parchment, you would have took him to been in Armour; round his Neck hung Wax and Wafers; and on his Crown Quills brustled up in Bundles, and in his Hands were ●onds, Indentures, Releases, Tickets, Warrants, and a world of such like businesses; whilst his Pockets strutted with Sand and Ink-Bottles. This thought I must be a Scribe, and we had passed inquirey there before to little purpose, wherefore I was for joging on; but Discovery catching me by the little Finger, pulled me back, and thus made his address.  Disc. 
Sir. there are a pair of honest Fellows we would fain find out, but hitherto have been successless in our search.  Stationer. 
And may be so till this time Fortnight for aught I know; but pray who are they?  Disc. 
Honesty and Plain-dealing, there's an Estate fallen to 'em, and I am sent to give 'em notice, that they may return and take possession.  Stat. 
An Estate! No no, I can't believe it, unless it be in t'other World, for Miracles are ceased in this: But howsoever be it as it will, I can't direct you, Stationers have no business for 'em.  Disc. 
Have you not heard of him of late?  Stat. 
Herd of them, yess, but 'tis a pretty while a gone. I remember when I first set up, Plain-dealing came sneaking to my Shop in a Threadbare Coat, and was for roosting amongst my stacks; but, taking him for a Spy, I bundled him up and sent him to the Papermill, where they held his Nose so hard to the Grindstone, that they quickly obliged him to pack up his Awls and be gone.  Disc. 
Have you not heard of his Brother the other party I mentioned, if we could find one he would direct us to the other.  Stat. 
When I lived with my Master, I remember I heard him talk much of him, but do not remember he ever gave him a visit, though it seems he had been there formerly, as one more bold than welcome, which I gathered from his discourse, for he often railed against him, and called him Names for the pretended injury he had done him.  Disc. 
That was unkind, for I am certain he is so just, that he would not offer the least injury to any body.  Stat. 
I know not all the particulars, but certain I am that thus he would rate him, though absent. A Rascal, a Villain, says he, for hindering me from gelding the Quires, and pretending they shrunk in wetting if they happened to be miss, a thousand Sheets cleverly gained in a Morning will buy a Man a good Breakfast, when those that take his advice shall be obliged to keep Lent all the year. Nay, when I over reached as my manner is, and made felse Numbers do with a little Protestation, this saucy jack would be whispering the lie in my Ear, for which impertinency I have often snapped him, says he, as if I would a bit his Head off, and cried, what then you Slave, can a Tradesman live without the Faculty.  Disc. 
This was very lately sure for he was not used to be so served in the days of our Forefathers.  Stat. 
Not so late Sir as you think, for it could not be less than forty years agone, since I heard him tell this story: Nay further told me he was the very Eves droper to Fortune, and would as times go now make a hole in a Man's stock as insensibly as the dripping rain eats into the bowels of a Flint, and bid me have a care of him.  Disc. 
And you took the Hint I perceive.  Stat. 
Ay I'll warrant you, and so has many younger than myself. Alas Sir! I have a Family to maintain out of hard Wax and other Tackling, and therefore let People talk what they will, I know what I could write with a Pint of Ink, but won't give myself the trouble, and so fare ye well.  
Now I perceived he had not gone far before he slunk into his Officina like a Snail into a Shell, and we passed on to an other quarter: And looking in at the Mouth of an entry, beheld a Firey-faced fellow surrounded with Glass-Bottles, and this put me in mind it might be him, who (as the old Wife's tale has it) girding himself round with Due Bottles, was drawn up by the Sun into the World in the Moon, but found myself within a while after mistaken, for he proved to be a Son of Bacchus, and was too much delighted with his own Terce, then to make such a perilous expedition, for a Cup of Nectar, which notwithstanding the Man in the Moon Drinks Claret, for aught he knew might prove a Cup of small Beer, when he came to taste it, yet Discovery would enter this place, upon no other account than the Germane Proverb, viz. In Vino veritas, here says he, or no where we may stumble upon directions, but no sooner were we entered, but our Ears were saluted with the noise of: welcome, welcome Sir. Boy, boy, show up Stairs, and the confused tinkling of a Bell, with the rattling of Quartfield Pots. I would have been gone, as imagining our inquiry here would be Fruitless, but Discovery over-persuaded me, and I stayed.  
Now in my Dream I beheld we were showed into a large Room, hung round with divers fancies, wherein the Painter had been very exact in hitting the humour, for here sat one a spewing, there another bleeding with his Pate broke, this had his Face battered with a Quart Pot, an other his Eye struck out with a Tobacco Pipe, an other lay decently run through the Lungs, on this side two at Loggerheads, on that Bottles and Pots flying like Hailstones, here one tearing the Cards, there another damning the Dice, and shaking his empty Purse, was ready to tear his own Flesh for madness: The Ceiling blushed with Volleys of Oaths of a Crimson dye, that spangled it like Primroses, and on the Floor lay scattered like sedg in Meadow Ditch, bundles of horrid imprecations. These things confirmed my first opinion and put me out of all hopes of intelligence in this place, but these thoughts had scarce taken Air, when up comes Firefacies and Discovery, as loath to lose any time, thus entered into Dialogue.  Discovery. 
Sir have you not a down right Man in your House called Honesty.  Firefacies. 
Not as I know off Sir— but stay I have a great many Guest in my House, I'll bid the Boy inquire, though I do not remember any such Person has been here since I became Major Domo— No Gentlemen he is not here the Boy tells me he has asked in every Room, and no Body knows him.  Disc. 
That's much, pray what Company frequents your House that they are strangers to him.  Firef. 
O very good Company, as my Neighbour Luxury, my young Master Spendthrift, Tom Gamester, and now and than old Mr. Usury on the backside yonder; especially when he has got a young Heir in his clutches, that will not sell nor Mortgage without the elevation of Bacchus.— As for this Honesty if I mistake not I have heard something on him, but they say he cannot abide to be seen in a Tavern, and besides not a Man that comes to my House, if the Characters I have heard (for excuse me Gentlemen I know him not) be true, but would avoid his Company.  Discovery. 
Is Plain-dealing none of your Guest neither?  Firefacies. 
How Sir, Plain-dealing— ●o I think not; why he's a stoic Philosopher, and deserves to be confined to a Cave in some large Wilderness, as matters are carried in this Age.  Disc. 
Are you acquainted with him, is he your Neighbour?  Firef. 
No Sir, neither though I heard Mr. Self-Ends say, he once lived in Poverty Street: Yet I believe the Catchpoles have been so busy about beating up his Quarters, that he either lies concealed in some odd Nook, or else is removed to jerico, till his Beard is grown, that he him return in disguise. I must confess I had once some small Acquaintance with him, which he relying on, would not suffer me to mix Water with my Wine, use Stum or Lime-Juice, no nor to dash my White-wine with Cider, he would be finding fault with under filling, & little Bottles, double Scoreing, and putting Ale into my Burnt Claret; when at any time I furnished a Christening or a Funeral, which made me shake my Ears when casting up my Accompts at the Years end. I sat down by the Labour in vain, nor coul'd I tell what to do till Mr. Knavery came one Morning with his Brother Deceit, and counciled me to forbid him my House, or I should never be worth a Groat.  Disc. 
And you took his advice I'll 〈…〉.  Firef. 
Ay marry did I, and since I have crept up amain; but what is't you drink Gentlemen, I hope you don't come to trouble my House for nothing?  Disc. 
We are Plain-dealing friends, our business is with him if he had been here, but seeing he is not, we must be going.  Firef. 
Are you so, Plain-dealing friends say you: Then you are no Company for me. Welcome, welcome Gentlemen: Boy show the way out here.  
Now as we were going out, methought I heard him say, 
Fare●●ell Plain-dealing friends, I'm glad you're gone,  
If he had followed you, I'd been undone:  
If he in fashion comes, farewell our Trade,  
By Knav'ry 'tis we only can be made.   
By this time I perceived in my Dream we were got into the street, but had not leisure to consider of what had passed, ere we met with a Matron decently set out, and as Grave as Penelope; this thought I is a lucky hit, here past doubt we may be informed, and Discovery at the first blush was of the same mind; wherefore he proceeded to put the Question to her, when turning up her Head, and stareing him wishfully in the Face. She demanded what time of the Moon it was, which odd kind of Question made him smile, as likewise desirous to know the reason of such a demand. Why said she, I supposed you are a little crack-braind, which once a Moon puts you upon extravagancies, or else you would never have undertaken such a business. Honesty and Plain-dealing saith she— No Friend I know them not, and so goodby to ye.  
She scarce had left us, when being very inquisitive to know who she was, Discovery informed me she was a Dealer in humane Flesh, and that for the better colouring the matter, she styled herself a Midwife, but her real business was to betray the honour of silly Wenches to the lust of Bully Ruffians, to supply the City Dames with what they wanted at home, to furnish business for Love, intrigues to trapan young Heirs into a Wedlock noose with her over ridden Bona Roba's, and to put off the effects of the Ladies great Bellies, who have been tasting the forbidden Fruit before Hand, or dispense with the Master's familiarity with his Chambermaid. Nay, said I then, 'tis no wonder she gave you such an answer.  
Now in my Dream I beheld that by this time we were come into a little crooked place, and looking about, I beheld a 〈◊〉 encompassed with Pots and Glasses ●owring upon an old Legend. Thought 〈◊〉 to myself this must needs be one of the ●●ons of Hipocrat●s, and therefore should be ●●ise: But whilst I was thus pondering ●ith myself, the Question was asked by ●y Companion, and the discourse began 〈◊〉 the following Dialect.  Medicine. 
Sir for what reason do you ask ●e for Honesty and Plain-dealing, but let 〈◊〉 be what it will, I can assure you, you are ●ome to the wrong place, for they dwell not in 〈◊〉 Street, though I have cause to remember ●●em, for about 20 years since, I lay by the Heels almost a whole Winter, for harbouring ●●em in my House, though indeed it was my ●ives doings, for I was ever averse to it.  Disc. 
Then you had Sir some acquaintance with them formerly.  Med. 
Ay Sir, sore against my will, my ●ife as I told you before would needs pervade me to it, and I could not say her nay, 〈◊〉 as soon as she poor Soul marched off, I ●●on got shut on'em, she indeed would make 〈◊〉 be giving Medicines to the poor, regulate 〈◊〉 Bill from the conscionable gain of eleven 〈◊〉 in the shilling, to three pence or there ●●ou●s.  Disc. 
And was not that well done— I hope you take the same measures still.  Med. 
No Sir I know better things I'd● have you to know; pish! Sir I'd have you to understand Sir, I'm now my own man, and those sneaking fellows shall never have any thing to do in my house. Album Greeckum●● shall be Album Greeckum now I'll warrant ye; every Dunghill shall afford me matter● of support.  Disc. 
You promise advice for nothing still Sir.  Med. 
Ay to blind the simple: No no, my learning that little I have cost me some money, and a world of labour; and I thin●● it is but reason I should inch it out to the best advantage, that promise is only to decoy 'em.  Disc. 
Yet you'll perform your promise: suppose a miserable Wretch lies in distress, perhaps his life in danger, and each Ditch side affords the Remedy you knowing, would you not let him know it too?  Med. 
How Sir, what to spoil the faculty; no, no, by no means: and to be plain Sir, Poor as they were, I've screwed out many ● pound, for Herbs I gathered in the Garden of my Patient: Now had they known the remedy, all that had gone beside my Pocket, nay some times I have (especially where I found the guilt come ●lush) made 'em sick and well as I have found occasion, keeping 'em on the Rack for my advantage, by perpetual Physic, till nature weakened, and the powers of life decayed, they e'en kicked up their heels, and bid good night to ye.  Disc. 
And did your Conscience sleep the while?  Med. 
Ha, ha, ha, Conscience quotha! why I had purged her Guts out long before.  Disc. 
But this is a transcendent wickedness.  Med. 
'Tis nothing Sir, with some of our profession: Wickedness! that's a good one: Why would you debar us trying practices?  Disc. 
At such a rate, and reason too.  Med. 
Nay, nay, reason me no reason, practice is practice: but why do I thus spend my Breath without a fee? Ego Medicus, some and so your Servant Sir.  
Now in my Dream I perceived he withdrew himself into a back Closet, furnished with more poisonous drugs than the E●onian● Fields; wherefore not thinking it safe to stay any longer within the wind of him, away we trudged, and ●hus I murmured to myself.  
Art is indeed to be admired by all,  
But who are they the Sons of Art we call?  
Why those that make a Conscience of a Crime,  
Who know and use that knowledge made sublime  
By virtue, but if she be absent then,  
Art is not Art, nor those that use it men.  
And so we passed on till we came to a high street, where we beheld many people passing, but could not see any favourers of our friends amongst the crowd, that we thought convenient to put the Question to, as knowing it would be lost labour, by reason we saw Envy, Pride, Hipocricy, Dissimulation, and Fraud walk jig by jowl with the greatest part of them; whereupon we struck off to the left hand, and there in an Alley found a man a Kneading, who by his whiteness, much resembled Innocency at first blush; but it seems, every like is not the same, though here we resolved to make inquiry. Now in my Dream I perceived he looked about him, and espied us, whom he supposed to be a couple of sharp set Fellows that were coming to leap at a Crust. But this consideration was scarcely Midwifed into his fancy, ●s the issue of his crazy brain, ere we asked for those we so much longed to find; viz. Honesty and Plain-dealing▪ and we put the Question hard, but the man who went as ● perceived, under the nomination of Pinch-poor, after a little stamering, made ●s the subsequent reply.  Pinch-poor. 
Gentlemen, I suppose you mistake the place, no such Fellows as you mention can live amongst plenty of Bread, there is no Corn in Egypt for them at this time a day.  Discovery. 
Did you know them friend? have you had any acquaintance with either of them?  Pinch-p. 
No, by my Oven Lidd Sir not ●: I acquainted with them! Sure Sir you must be very weak to put such a Question to a Bread-moulder.  Disc. 
Why is it any harm friend to know them? nay to have conversation with them? as for my part I should not think it.  Pinch-p. 
Think you Sir what you will, I know what I think, and beg your leave to think on.  Disc. 
Do you think any harm on them?  Pinch-p. 
Yess by my Maukin do I; harm quotha! Ay, ay, harm enough I'll assure 〈◊〉. The battery of 500 rotten Eggs at 〈◊〉 celeberation of a triple Exaultation would be more welcome than their Company, for they handle a man ten times worse; how many have suffered for having but the least to do with them, and Sung Lacrime on the wrong side, a Iron or a Wooden Grate for many a Frosty Winter, whilst their Wives and Children were obliged to take up in the extremities of the Region of Necessity, a place whether neither Bakers nor Mealman cares for coming; for there is neither Corn nor Windmills, all the Inhabitants are miserable poor.  Disc. 
And aught to be relieved, ought they not?  Pinch-p. 
No Sir I think not, but that they are e'en well enough served for disdaigning to follow the fashion of the World; they might have taken notice by my false Balances puffing and pinching, that the Region of defraud was a very prosperous place.  Disc. 
Ay, but those that associate with Honesty and Plain-dealing, ever love to be where Conscience dwells, and she it seems is a stranger there.  Pinch-p. 
Ay, and we are mightily pleased with her absence, for did not we set Knavery on the Frontiers, strongly to Guard the pass between the Mountains of Self-interest and Deceit, she would be breaking in and raising a Huracane to over●●●● our great Diana, the very Foundation of our profit.  Disc. 
But how came you at first to divorce her?  Pinch-p. 
Ha, ha, ha, what Ignorance you express, by putting that question to a Baker: why that which others call the Pope's Eye, we call the Eye of Conscience, and seeing she was troublesome, we blinded her with mouldy Meal, and stuff of twice grown Corn, and then before she had leisure to clear her Eye sight, gave her the slip, and stepped into the other quarter, and to prevent her following, damned up the passage with great lumps of Doughty, pinched from the good Wives Loaves, which kept her back till I had time to raise the Fences higher. As for the Giant I have named, he is maintained ●y my industry, to Watch and Ward, and is so diligent therein, that I live more and more in security.  Disc. 
But think you that security will always last? Know you not there is a Tophet hot as Eternal Wrath can make it?  Pinch-p. 
Unless you mean my Oven Sir, I understand you not, a Tophet said he, that's a ●ramp word; what of that, is it a place to Bake Loaves in?  Disc. 
'Twas made for such as you, that triumph in your Frauds, who being bundled up, shall there be turned into everlasting Flames.  Pinch-p. 
O grievous! bundled up said he: why Sir I hope you don't take me for a Faggot: But it matters not whether you do or not, for let me tell you, d'ye hear Sir, I have been so much used to poak in the fire, that the flame you mention will hardly fright me from clubbing with Deceit for a fine Livelihood. But now I think on't, while I stand prating here to no purpose, my Batch will be spoiled; therefore Gentlemen, you'd do well to be going.  
Now in my Dream I perceived he hasted to a dark place clouded with smoke, whereupon we took him to be a Fellow capable to leven the whole lump of his fraternity, 〈…〉 left him to be corrected by the Wooden Gimcracks.  
But we had not gone far, but we met a finical Fellow with a Bundle under his Arm, and perceived his Pockets rattled with Needles, Thimbles, Bodkins, and Sheers, so that at first I took him for a Morice-dancer with Bells, but he proved a mere Hocuspocus, a Moth that had fretted away many a Yard of Back furniture, and by a certain slight of hand, deceived the very sight of men; here thought ay 'tis in vain to make any inquiry, wherefore I stepped over the Channel to be marching on the other side, but was pulled back by Discovery, who was not willing to let this ninth part of Mortality, Anglice a Tailor pass unquestioned, but stopped him with the following demand.  Disc. 
Friend know you Honesty and Plain-dealing, have you made any Garments for 'em of late?  Taylor. 
Sir I neither know them nor do I desire to have any dealing with them, few of my profession have occasion for such Customers, if they are so hard to be pleased as is reported.  Disc. 
The report friend has cast you into an Error, for they are placable, mild, Gentle and easy, dealing uprightly with all men, not defrauding any, but rendering to every man what is justly his due.  Tayl. 
Why there's it now, and would you have a Tailor have any thing to do with them? why the Trade would be undone then, for we must e'en give over planting Cabbidges in Hell, no slip of value must be Gentily filched, nor yet a Remnant saved. The report cast me into an Error said he, no, no, that's a mistake, this is just as I heard it; besides, although I am but a Younger Brother of the Craft, yet upon what I have heard, I have bidden Honesty and Plain-dealing defiance, and vowed to make perpetual War with them, and if they dare attempt my Quarters, no Louse was ever mauled as I'll maul them.  Disc. 
You talk like a person with a sick fancy, is your Brains crazed friend?  Tayl. 
No I think not, Mr. Will with t●e Whisp, but it would make a man mad of our profession, especially to be buzzed in the Ears with your Honesty or Plain-dealing, as if you were turned their Advocate, and went about to persuade us to give them House room. No, no, it will never do, we'll have no spies upon our ways and actions.  Disc. 
Friend ●re search after them for other reasons, our chief design is to find them.  Tayl. 
Ay, and search you may till Dooms day for aught I know, for I can give you no directions: no Sir by my Goos would not if I could, for ●ear if you should find them asleep (for I believe they have little else to do) that under pretence of returning me thanks, they should pay me a visit, and embroil my affairs, by curtailing my Bills, sealing up the door of my Cabbidg Room, and ' twitting me in the Teeth for cutting out two for one, putting in Brown-paper instead of Buckerum, and many such pretty devices incident to men of our profession.  Disc. 
If Conscience had any Rule in you, you would not speak so hardly of her dear Companions.  Tayl. 
Ha, ha, ha, that's very pretty! Conscience say you, that's fine indeed. Why who ever heard of a Tailors' Conscience prithee?  Disc. 
Say you so, than our farther inquiry as to any directions we can hope for from you, may be spared.  Tayl. 
Ay, ay, very well, for it won't avail you the shred of a Garment; and so I leave you to consider on't.  
Upon this he stepped into a blind Alehouse, tipped off his penny pot, snatched his Goose out of the fire, spit upon't, whipped out again threaded through the Company, and jumped upon his shopboard, where we left him crosslegged, and suddenly turning the Corner, met divers Married Females, who had taken leave of their Husbands under pretence of visiting a sick friend, seeing their Children at Nurse, taking their farewell of some pretended Aunt or she Cozen, who was Coaching it into the Country or so; when indeed their business was nothing less; for looking back, we saw 'em dive into a Tavern, where their Gallants attended their Arrival to entertain them with Love possessed. But we scarce had passed them, when we stumbled upon a drove of Painters and Journeymen Shoemakers, who came Reeling at a rate that had like to overset us, but bearing up briskly, they recoiled and jostling together, decently fell, making the Channel for that time their dormitory; so taking them for little better than Rubbish, we left them to fill up the holes, and passed through a little Wicket, where in my Dream I perceived that Envy met us, and stood in the way to hinder our Progress through the Region of Truth, but the Light of Understanding struck her blind for a time, which gave us opportunity to pass by her, which we did with as much speed as possible, to avoid the Hissing of her feeble Snakes. Now I further perceived that the way growing wider, we met a grave Fellow, who resembled a Philosopher, his Beard was as long as Cato's, and his Head Hoary for want of moisture; and on his Forehead was engraven Flattery. Bless me thought I, sure this man must be wrong Named, and may be Honesty thus Branded by Envy, on purpose to deceive us, and render our Inquiry fruitless. Discovery at the first was of the same opinion, and resolved to learn it from himself, when coming up and clapping him on the Shoulder, he cried Halo Grandsire, at which rough salute he seemed to be offended, although he could not well perceive who we were, for Age had made him dim sighted. When thus Discovery began.  Disc. 
Father you seem to be a Grave, Wise, and judicious man, a man of Elder days, which gives me hopes you can inform me whether Honesty and Plain-dealing took their journey when they left these parts, or are they ye● remaining hereabout?  
Upon this, methought he put on his Spectacles, and peering in our Faces for a while, replied.  Flattery. 
Who are you Sir, that ask me such a question?  Disc. 
One that fain would be satisfied in this demand.  Flat. 
You might as well asked me for the Philosopher's Stone or a Phoenix Egg.  Disc. 
Are they so hard to be found then?  Flat. 
Ay exceeding difficult amongst men of my profession!  Disc. 
What may your Profession be Father?  Flat. 
Why friend, some call me a Merchant, some a Planter; but indeed I am neither, yet I am a well wisher to both, and have helped them to many a hopeful bargain.  Disc. 
A Bargain Father: Of what, pray let us understand a little?  Flat. 
Why in plain terms under the Rose, some call me a Cannibal, or devourer of Humane Liberty, others a Soul-seller, and others a plain downright Kidnapper, though most imagine me a Merchant.  Disc. 
A very fine Trade, and is this your profession?  Flat. 
Yess, yess, many a Father have I 〈◊〉 of his Children, many a Master of his Servant, many a bribe have I had of the Wife to ship away her Husband, that she might freely Revel it with him she liked better; as often has been my gain from the Husband to rid him off a Scolding or Troublesome Wife; nay Uncles have ●aum'd my Fist with Gold to send away their Nephews, that they might enjoy their Estates, of which they were lest Gaurdians. O many a Master has sent for me at midnight, to help him off with his Chambermaid when her belly began to ris● in Rebellion; ten Guineas have I had of an Apprentice in a morning for the like service, when the Cook-wenches Belly grumbled. And all this was done under the umbrage of their straying through discontent, or their being gone into the Country to visit their Relations.  Disc. 
And did this satisfy their Relations? was no further inquiry made after them when missing?  Flat. 
Yess, perhaps they might; but than if they were Husbands, Wives, Servants, or the like, we had got a trick to make the first Inquiry, by public Crying them, but never till they were surely shoped in the B●lboes.  Disc. 
But how came you to the Fingering on them? how contrived you to get them so safely into your Clutches?  Flat. 
Oh, many ways: as when I saw a Young Lad stand discontented, I'd make up to him, and ask him his Name, place of Abode, and Employment; in which being readily satisfied, I'd rail against the cruelty of his Father or Master, telling him it was a shame, and that they were punishable for using such Rigour to so hopeful a Youth: Then would I underfeel his resolves, by telling him of much pleasure and plenty, and by what means he might possess it, or that I would help him to a Master, whose kindness should appear beyond expression; which wrought upon him to that degree, that he went contentedly, as an Ox to the Slaughter, etc.  Disc. 
But met you with none that were rough and untractable?  Flat. 
Yes many, and some came now and then to put a trick upon me, but I showed them a trick for their Learning; for getting them to the brims of the Element, where I had a little tippling House for the purpose, I used to put Opium in their Liquor, which charming their Senses into a slumber, under the favour of that opportunity, and the dusk of the Evening, I clapped them aboard my Badger, and then good by Gaffer, they saw no more daylight till they found themselves out of their own Country, and then though all to late, they began to Ban their folly that had prompted them to leap out of the Frying-pan, into the Fire.  Disc. 
But some perhaps would not swallow this Bait?  Flat. 
Those I made larger offers, telling them I was indeed a Merchant, and had whole Islands of my own, to confirm which I had ever a voucher at my Elbow. Then would I send them Aboard with a fine Key a token to secure them, though they kn●w no other than that it belonged to a rich cabin, for so I told them, furnished with all that was pleasant and delightful, as also that myself would be with them in the Evening, and accompany them in all hazards, which made them on their arrival, begin to command like Emperors, but their courages were soon cooled, for the Purser or Boatswain under pretence of conducting them to their cabin, pulls up a Trap and thrust them head and shoulders into dark durance, where they found a Covey of Fools lamenting their folly, and the Key is returned to bait for other Woodcocks. As for the Married Cattle, they for the most part Trappan one another under the coaksing flatteries of renewed affection, having always one of us at hand, to invite the party to a splendid Entertainment near the River, when occasionally, though it seemed as if it happened by chance, we meet a person who invites us Aboard, and with many persuasions, are urged to induce a compliance, which is no sooner done, but they are left under the Hatches to lament their too much Credulity. As for the Wenches, they are troled thither by such as getting some small acquaintance, pretend love and good will, feigning themselves to be Officers of trust and command, and by that means they work upon the weakness of such Females as are Rampant for Husbands; and thus have I gulled and been instrumental in gulling a thousand: Nay I have a trick of binding them, if we fear a search will be made, and by that means I have the value of them for the most part before they are released.  
Now in my Dream I perceived he would a gone on, Ad Infinitum: But Discovery finding him a very Knave in Grain, & loath to spend any more time to no purpose, we left him in a fit of Coughing, that had just seized him, and struck off to the left; yet had not gone far, but up comes a Fellow in Whiskers, Grim as the first begotten of Belzebub, with Eyes stareing, Hair flareing about his Ear, Bloated Cheeks, and a Nose resembling a Beacon, his Belly strutted, and his Legs were of the largest size; at his Wast hung Keys rattling in Chains, and behind him Hand-Screws, Double-Da●bys, Cross-bitts, and the like, which made me at first conceit him to be one of the Spanish Inquisitors, for on his Forehead in large Capitals I perceived Oppression, and fancied that that was his Name, and though I was unwilling to have any discourse with him; yet Discovery would needs inquire something, if but to unravel the Monster, who bore up like a Ship under Sail: And thus I fancied they began their discourse.  Disc. 
Have you a Habitation in these parts, or are you of some remoater part of the World?  Oppression. 
The reason before I give my answer, why you ask I would gladly know.  Disc. 
Truly Friend, the cause of this inquiry proceeds from no other reason, than that we are desirous to be informed where a couple of Persons (whom I am enjoyed to find out, and in whose search we have been hitherto unsuccessful) reside, or have abiding place.  Oppress. 
Perhaps I may inform you, for I have many under Lock and Key of divers sorts and sizes.  Disc. 
Two downright Men they are; one of 'em especially, whom I hear to be gone into Garments of 〈◊〉 Kersey of late.  Oppress. 
But their Names Sir, have you not their Names? and than I can better inform you.  Disc. 
Honesty and Plain-dealing Men were wont to call 'em, and 'tis by those names I inquire after 'em.  Oppress. 
How Honesty and Plain-dealing say you.— No Sir they are not in my custody, neither do I remember I had ev●● any thing to do with 'em. Nor is it the best way to fall into my clutches, for they do, I'll so hamper them, they ne●● was so hampered in their lives.  Disc. 
Would your Conscience serve you misuse Men who are Virtues Friends?  Oppress. 
Virtue's Friends, say you; 〈◊〉 ay, to choose, for I am her Mortal foe●▪ And as for Conscience now you name he● take notice that she's locked up in a 〈◊〉 Dungeon, shackled with Extortion, Han●●cuff'd with Bribery, Thumb-screwed wit● Oppression, and bound Neck and He with the Chains of cruel usage, too sa●● to trouble me, though, till I found th● way to Curb her, she would be meddling in my affairs, and pitying those I unmer●cifully beat, and fed with Bread an● Water of affliction, to extort Money 〈◊〉 of them, those I kept in for fees till the perished, and those I Shipped off at Midnight for Slaves. And if you should chan●● as I doubt it, to meet with the parti●● you inquire after, have me recommende● to them in this Dialect, and warn the● to have a care how they fall into m● Quarters.  
Now in my Dream I perceived tha● this dreadful Story put Discovery beside his further inquiry for not being longer able to hear such a cruelty mentioned, he stopped his Ears, and made haste away, leaving this Monster of a Man, who could not be less than a Mahometan to trudge about his business, yet looking behind me, I perceived him enter a strong place, made of the Bones of Mother Earth, and fortified with Iron Ribs, through which distressed Mortals breathed their Lamentations, whose sad condition whilst I was condoling, my Ears were saluted with the shrieks and cries of a Female, when entering the next Street called the Way of all Flesh, I beheld a mournful Spectacle which sadded my Heart; and what should it be, but the Manes of a deceased Gentleman, whom they were carrying to his long home, followed by a number of Mourners, who in a manner covered their Faces, and breathed out many sighs to wound the Air, and groans like Peals of Thunder: But above all the beautiful Widow, whom Tears made lovely, was most outrageous. Nor as I then perceived would she be comforted, but still exclaimed of her hard Fortune, to be thus deprived as she said by cruel Death, and her ill fated Stars of all her happiness on Earth, just in the Springtide of her joys. O! said she, had I but died to follow thee my Love, how should I have been blest you cruel powers▪ Why did you thus divide us? But since you will not take my life, I'll waste my days in tears and groans, I'll banish slumber from my Eyes, and sigh away my Soul, no food shall ever refresh me, no● the melody of Music wound my Ear, farewel all joys, all comforts all delights since he is gone to whom I owe my boundless Love, never, for thy sake, more will 〈◊〉 renew my Marriage Bed, or see with pleasantness the face of Man, but retire from all the gaudy vanities▪ till Death prove● kind, and snatch me to my Lord.  
This stream of grief, from one so fair much afflicted me, and methought I was about to step and comfort her, and had done it, but that I beheld one very Officious in that undertaking. By this time we came to the Repository of the Dead, and there she a fresh renewed her sorrow, and seemed to give it scope, to that excess, that her Friends had no small trouble to keep her from rushing Headlong on him in the Grave. O part us not? said she, but let me here embrace him, ever cling to his cold stiff Limbs, and with my tears embalm his senseless Clay, preserve him from the injury of Time, and drive away those Vermin that would pray upon my Love, and sport with helpless him, in whom my Heart is centred.  
By this time I beheld in my Dream, that the torrent of grief (which I afterward found to be all but feigned) abated, and she returned to her House, whether ●e followed, as hoping from this Tra●eck Scene of woe, some instructions might be gathered: But we no sooner entered, but the Scene was changed, for standing unseen, I perceived all had left her, but him that supported her to and from the gloomy Cave of Death, and he it seems 〈◊〉 undertaken to comfort her, not without her own desire, when turning up her ●ail, the Clouds of grief that like a Win●er Night, so late or'espread her face, ●ere vanished, smiles assembled in their ●audy Troops to take possession, and Ro●●e blushes put i'll pailness to the flight, ●hen after some wanton toying, they ●hus began to Dialogue.  Insinuation. 
O how I Love thee! My admired, my adored Mistress. Nay, my happiness and sole delight, how much ●m I indebted to thee for this days performance— Come let me embrace my joy.  Dissimulation. 
Nay Sir, what is't you ●ean?— O ●ie.— Nay, nay, this must not be, I have vowed continency.  Insin. 
It must, my happiness, for you I stayed and sighed, and thought Death long delayed thus to befriend me: But since he has proved kind, come be not nice, you know I have loved you long, your Virgin beauties when unsullied were by right my due, though your too hasty Parents snatched you from my Arms, as charmed by Gold to give you to an other. But now since fate has been propitious and removed the Obstacle, I court afresh and hope to find you pliant.  Diss. 
Ay Sir, but what will People say, when they perceive the Storm of grief I raised so soon blown over? Pray think of that.  Ins. 
Nothing thou wonder of thy Sex, but that the minds of Woman vary, and are subject to change, and so they do of all thy Sex.  Diss. 
But by that means I shall incur reproach and infamy.— Could I but avoid that.  Ins. 
Infamy and reproach, never fear it, I'll protect you from the malice of blasting Tongues, those Tongues that blot the brightest Virtue, shall not have power to fix a stain on you. Your grief was acted to the life.  Diss. 
And do you think it was but acted, 〈◊〉 not real; can you be so impartial?  Ins. 
Come thoughts are free my Love, 〈◊〉 more of that, but set the day. Live 〈◊〉 the Living, let the Dead rest silent in 〈◊〉 Grave.  Diss. 
The day for what— pray what day, 〈◊〉 day is it you'd have me set?  Ins. 
The day to celebrate our happy ●●tials. The day to crown my wishes ●●th their highest Aim. Come blush 〈◊〉 thus, nor turn away your lovely Face; 〈◊〉, shall it be the next?  Diss. 
I know not what to say: he was my ●●sband, and methinks I should not so soon ●●●get him; besides I've vowed Continency.  Ins. 
O! look not back on thoughts of sad●●●s, 'twill grieve his shade to see you sad, ●●en he is happy; it looks like envying felicity. Continency no more of that ●●●ethee.  Diss. 
Were 〈…〉 a little too soon methinks ●●uld love you. Well I have a struggling in Breast?  Ins. 
Come lose no time my lovely fair●●●●●, to morrow night shall make 〈◊〉 for all the faults and censures of 〈◊〉 day; when in my Arms safe as in 〈◊〉 of Brass, you are stretched at ease, 〈◊〉 find those transports from a Vigorous 〈◊〉, that will charm you into Ecstasy melt you into joys unspeakable, transport your Soul in raptures, near resembling those above; such as Age and impotency never could bestow: No Ghost no● frightful shade shall terrify my Love.  Diss. 
Alas Sir, you talk of strange matters: what are there any Ghost? indeed I must confess I have heard of such things; and I vow now you put me in mind on'em, I sha●● be afraid.  Ins. 
That there are Ghost that wande● round the Tombs, when Church-Yard● yaun, and visit by the Midnight Gloo●● their frighted and amazed Friends 〈◊〉 Learned Authors in all Ages do affirm.  Diss. 
O Lamentable! if it be so, pardon my blushes, I must entreat you as a friend to stay all night and watch me, and to morrow 〈◊〉 cast myself into your Arms; for indeed now you have put this into my head, I dare not ly● alone; but I hope you'll use me kindly, and never twit me in the Teeth hereafter for my sudden yielding, ●or believe me, had it no● been for fear of lying alone and seeing the Ghost, I would not have Married, or at least not this Fortnight.  Ins. 
Fear nothing my delight, I'll eve● be obedient to your will. Ha! ha! she● won already: O! the fickle state of 〈◊〉 man kind; but no more on't, lest 〈◊〉 the sport.  

To her.  
Death has been kind, and you as kind as he,  
Let's hence my lovely Widow, but that Name  
No longer than the Morning dawn shall be,  
Than it shall vanish in Love's Lambent flame.   
Now in my Dream I perceived they retired into a Chamber richly hung, where stood a stately Alcove embroidered with Gold, the soft recumbancy of Love, and there we le●t them, as not imagining, where so much dissimulation and wickedness dwelled; our inquiry would be available.  
We were no sooner in the Street, but we stumbled upon a plain Country Fellow in a grey ho●●espun Coat, a Girdle near as big as a Horse-collar about his Waste, and a steepled Crowned Hat, much in fashion in the days of Queen Dick, his Shoes were clouted, and his Stockings you would have taken for Roman Buskins. At sight of this Man my heart began to leap, for thought I, this must be Plain-dealing, or ●he Devil's in't: Which Discovery perceiving, smiled, and nodded his Head, when ●●●rching up towards him, and running his Candle almost into his Beard, which made him start; he cried, wot won you● brens a mon: And with that pulling hi● Hat out of his Eyes, I perceived Ignoranc● on his forehead, wherefore I found I was mistaken; yet Discovery tipping him on the Elbow urged him to discourse.  Discovery. 
Friend whether are you Travelling?  Ignorance. 
Whey waud who knaw? If who won tall a Body, that who will tall who whare who dwall.  Disc. 
I suppose in the Country Friend, but it matters not where, so be it you can inform us where Honesty and Plain-dealing have taken up their Quarters.  Ign. 
What won you say Haunestay and Pla●●-Daulin, thoat's whaint? No marry daunt oy.  Disc. 
We thought you might. But again have you not heard of 'em?  Ign. 
Oy marry han oy, but oy could n'are see aum.  Disc. 
That's hard, I thought they might be taking the Air in the Country, seeing they have absented themselves from the Town of late.  Ign. 
Dear zer die, oys knaw nauthing on aum, awe oys can zay to the mauter oys heard, oys Father zay oance they ●aume doan an liggd in whoos Hause.  Disc. 
And pray did you hear how he entertained them?  Ign. 
Yea varily, who zay who at virst waus vary loffing to ' aum, but who perceving who waud now let who remave the Land-Maurks, naw ne maw a zwath of who's Naughbers' Grass, or remave his zhocks a Caun an Haw too whoos awn gront, naw ne'er pauster whoos Houses in his Naubours' gront, when who waus a sleap ne anter the meausur of whoos Caun, and many zuch Mauters, who won ha naw mawr to done with who, but zent who a pauking, and then who done awe this, and a grant dale mawr as well as whoos Naubours.  Disc. 
And since that time you have not heard of 'em.  Ign. 
Naw ne oy, moyn Father chaurg oy, on whoos Bleasing that oys ha' nauthing to done wiw who ne mawr oy's ha naw.  
Now in r●y Dream I perceived Discovery grew weary of discoursing with this lump of mortality, and therefore desired him since he could give no better account to be jogging on, when after three or four scrapes, and twice bussing of his Hand he left us. But as if Fortune had on purpose cast Blockheads in our way, we were no● sixteen paces, before we perceived a slovenly Fellow come toward us, gnawing a Custard, and this we took to be a Pastrey Man that was wont to deal in Cat-peys, but it proved to be Gluttony, whom it seems went up and down from Morning to Night, devouring all that came to his Fingering, and so we let him pass, not thinking it convenient to trouble our Heads with him, as knowing him to live upon the spoil of other men's Tables, and the decay of their Purses, Drunkenness followed him in a wretched condition, spewing and staggering all the way, twice or thrice had he been in the Kennel, and after him wallowed a number of fat Hostesses, calling to those that were before to stop him, but he still staggered on till he came to a Prison-Gate, where giving a great reel, he burst open the Wicket with his Head, when his Body following, it closed upon him, and there I left him to bethink himself when he was sober.  
Now in my Dream I perceived Virtue hasting towards us half naked, ●lying amain; for Vice with whom she had a long time contended for the Mastery, had it seems gotten the Victory, and was in pursuit of her, she looked me thoughts lovely and gay as the Rosy Morn, when Auro●a's Gates give way to the swift courser of the Sun, who gilds the Eastern Clouds with Purple and with Gold, and as she flew towards the Clouds, I heard a voice from the Earth cry after her, return, return: But it seems she had been so badly used that she took no notice on't, but kept on her way till she was out of sight. Whereupon I began to consider with myself, that although Vice had much enlarged his Borders, yet I could not conceive but Virtue had many fair Territories, and made some thousands happy with her smiles, doing every where much good, though her reward was for the most part slender, which urged me to believe she might be gone for new instructions. But whilst these meandering imaginations made me heavy and dumpish, me thoughts Fornication came on with a Troop of sinners at his Heels, of all ages and Sexes, whereat bless me, quoth I, am I in Sodom, and thereupon starting I awaked, and found it but a Dream.  
The precedent imaginations, or wondrous fancies making a deep impression in my mind. I lay some time amazed at what had past; but perceiving the Sun was mounted high, and in his burning course & smoat on me, rousing myself an● rubbing hard my drowsy Eyes, after a Yaun or two & stretched myself, I got upon my feet, when looking round me, I perceived a neighbouring Grove, which at a distance seemed so pleasant, that having much of the day to spend, theither I bent my steps; and entering, was delighted with the spreading shade, which canopied me from the scorching eye of day. But as if Fate had doomed me to dull drousiness, my Legs denied support again, & a dissolveing quickly slew through every part, each Sinnew, Artery, and Ligument grew lank; when finding I must yield, down I cast myself on a Mossey Bank, beneath a flowery shade, whose sweets defused helped Leaden handed So●●us Boughs, which were of ●orce before, to make the boldest Mortal own his charms.  
Sleeping I Dreamt, and in my Dream beheld myself just in the state I was before, I at last awake, and Discovery was at my right hand, and began to chide me for deserting him; but had not time to utter his resentments, ere a Grave old Fellow briskly bore upon us, wrapped up in Furs and Velvet, embroidered and embossed, his Countenance was oft Eclipsed with ●rowns on his Forehead, in black characters sat Ingratitude, one hand was open and the other clinched. This Man thought I can never help us to our wish, and therefore I'd a let him pass, but Discovery before I was aware, began the following Dialogue.  Discovery. 
Sir you appear to be a Person of no small Authority in these parts, I'd ask you a few Questions.  Ingratitude. 
'Tis in your power to do it, but be speedy.  Disc. 
In the first place, Sir what street do you call this, for I'm a stranger in this place?  Ing. 
Men call it Self-Love Street, which leads you 〈◊〉 Misers Row.  Disc. 
I fear I'm then out of my way, I am upon inquiry for a brace of men, and fear I have mistake the Street.  Ing. 
You know their Names I hope?  Disc. 
Ay, Honesty and Plain-dealing, do you know them Sir?  Ing. 
No Sir, 'tis not fit I should: I never so much as heard of them.  Disc. 
That's strange in one arrived at your Maturity: What may your business be it'h World, that you should be so ignorant?  Ing. 
My Name's Ingratitude, I kept a Shop the other day, but now I live upon my Means.  Disc. 
Ingratitude, why that's a hateful Name, a Name that the very Heathens spit at.  Ing. 
I am sorry for your ignorance Sir, if you knew how I am Courted, you'd be of another Opinion.  Disc. 
How Courted when so old and withered: But pray Sir by which Sex is it ye are Courted?  Ing. 
O! by both Sir, my Antichambers are each morning crowded with such as come to make me presents, and congratulate my welfare.  Disc. 
'Tis much it should be so: But what is't they expect?  Ing. 
Why there's the business, they seek by such means to Ingratiate themselver into my favour, that I may do them some good turn 〈◊〉 other.  Disc. 
And you'll do't, if it be in your power?  Ing. 
I flatter them with such gaudy hopes, till I enrich me by their spoils, and then good night to them.  Disc. 
And is this fair? can you dispench with this?  Ing. 
Ay very well, I've got a fair Estate by't, and Wedded many a Woodcock to my interest. Who for the good turns they did me, hoped to be preferred, or made at least amends at Usance▪ but when I found they could do no more, but pressed me hard for some Retaliation, I laughed them into madness, and sent them railing from my door.  Disc. 
And does not one good turn deserve another?  Ing. 
Not with me Sir, 'Tis a thing I understand not, I've seen those starve at my very door, that often have relieved me.  Disc. 
Conscience would direct you better.  Ing. 
Conscience! Ay, ay, that's a good one; let me alone till I take her directions. Nay, I'll warrant you she'll never trouble her head to prescribe me Rules and Methods.  Disc. 
You have her Sir I hope.  Ing. 
No Sir I han't, I'll tell you that, for if I had, she'd ne'er so tamely a suffered me to hold so many Persons in the Chain of Vain-hope to be my Heirs, whose Noses I intent to wipe when I have drained them dry. No, no Sir, I have stifled Conscience long e'er this.  Disc. 
As how: Pray by what means could it be done?  Ing. 
By turning my aged Father out of Doors, when out of Paternal Love and kindness to promote my Marriage, he had made o'er to me what ever was his, and seeing him without a sense of pity beg his Bread, and break his Heart with grief, by using Artifices to prove a Whore of her that bore me decently, to bar her of her Dowrey, by swearing him out of his life, who was my Faithful Friend, and once had saved mine, because I knew that he had laid so deep an Obligation on me that whilst he lived I must ever have made acknowledgements, and therefore at one bold stroke I rid myself of such an ill conveniency, and if from these you gather that either Honesty, Plain-dealing, or the Puny thing called Conscience be of my acquaintance, I'll leave you to your dear mistake.  Disc. 
I am confirmed they are not, nor ever dare they dwell with such impiety; and lest your breath infect, or putrify the Air to shed contagion on me, I'll avoid you as a Bazilisk.  
Now in my Dream I beheld that Discovery hasted on with all speed, and drew me after him, leaving this piece of inhumanity to travel to the Regions of Destruction, and had not gone far, but a Fellow crossed the way with lofty looks, and often stumbled as I perceived, because his Eyes w●re ever elevated, his Feet were ever in a dancing motion, touching but lightly the detested soil. As for his gaudy accoutrements, he seemed a walking Mercer's Shop, set out with the advantages of every other Trade, that usually contributes to promote our age's vanity. In his face sat Youth and Age, his countenance was feminine, though I perceived him to partake of either Sex, his Pockets struted with Periwigs Powders, Patches, Paints, Washeses, Pomades, and a thousand such impertinencies; his Eyes were upward, and therefore he stumbled upon us before he was awar, when Pride (for so was his Name) somewhat declining from his stiffer State, he cast a disdainful look, and asked us in a haughty manner, how we durst oppose his way, but little minding his frowns Discovery began to sift him.  Disc. 
Sir, who are you that are thus made up of redicule?  Pride. 
Who are you Sirrah, that dare be so saucy to demand such a question?  Disc. 
One that knows you perhaps better than you know yourself.  Pride. 
That's very brave indeed that such a sneaking Fellow as you should have gained such knowledge. What you are some Mope Eyed Light-monger, that knows not the difference between ●oon day and Owl-light, and are going a Lowbelling for Woodcocks I'll warrant ye.  Disc. 
If so Sir, I doubt not but I have found an overgrown one in meeting you.  Pride. 
How dare you say this to me, fly my anger, or you are dead.  Disc. 
Hold, hold Sir, put up your indignation, and let us parley a little.  Pride. 
Dare you be thus impertinent to me? I'll make you know your distance Sirrah.  Disc. 
If your anger is over Sir, I would ask you a question. Thus low I beg such a favour.  Pride. 
O do you so! well you may go on, though I hope you will learn more manners for the future.  Disc. 
May it please you Sir, to inform me where I may find Honesty and Plain-dealing.  Pride. 
Impertinent Coxcomb to ask me such a question. No Sirrah I have no knowledge of any such Beggarly Fellows, my conversation is with those of a higher 〈◊〉.  Disc. 
Ay Sir, I know you have confidence enough to exalt yourself above your betters. Yet Pride will have a fall, you are he that tramples upon humility, and despise Virtue: Nay you are the eldest born of Satan, that has troubled the World in all ages, one that threw your Father down headlong into Regions of eternal gloom, and have plunged many millions after him, and damned more Souls than Atheism and Ignorance.  Pride. 
Sir stop there, I'll not endure this raillery. Know your distance.  Disc. 
A little longer you must. Your anger will be Bootless. You I say are the causes of Division, Emulation, Treasons, Wars and Rebellion: Wherefore there's no hopes to be imbet●er●d by you, so I'll keep my way.  
In my Dream I perceived this Tart discourse so thorrowly nettled Pride, that swelling with indignation till he well nigh burst, he was about to revenge the affront as he termed it, but Discovery cast the mist of Self-conceit before his Eyes, which so dozed his little understanding, that before he could find his senses, we were out of reach. But Fate soon crossed us by casting ambition in our way, a thing that walks on Pyramids, whom we found to be more turbulent than the former, for his discourse was of nothing but aspiring greatness, Blood and Revenge, grasping at Crowns, Sceptres, and such like insignes of Royalty: Though as I perceived he was made up of nothing but Airy imaginations, corded together with insatiable desire and thirst of Glory, but so loosely that they often slipped, and endangered his falling in pieces, and therefore not finding a solid substance, we let him pass, when close at his Heels followed Ruin and Disgrace: Being almost out of hopes of finding any Person of whom we might inquire, we left this Street, and struck off into Humility-Lane, where we had yet some hopes of retriving our lost labour, but found ourselves deceived, for Pride and Ambition it seems had been there and taken Hostages of the Inhabitants to be at their devotion, which did not a little trouble me, for I had flattered myself, that here our search might end; but whilst I was musing on many things, up comes a Fellow whom I afterward understood to be Self-conceit, and it seems he had been a great Romancer, and understood something of Logic, he appeared very Airy, and was as brisk as Bottled Ale; thought I to myself this is a Rambler, and may perhaps inform us of more than we are awar on, and therefore I urged Discovery to give him the meeting, who taking the hint, readily complied and fell to questioning him.  Discovery. 
Friend how far are you Travelling this way?  Self-conceit. 
But to the next street, called Vanity Buildings, a very noted Pile I'll assure ye, and a place much frequented.  Disc. 
Are you known in these parts Sir?  Self-c. 
Good lack a day! what a question there is: known, yess Sir, my Name is Self-conceit, I am the Eldest Son of Mr. Folley, descended of a very Ancient Family; there is hardly a House in these parts but I have some Relation or other Lives in it.  Disc. 
Your Kindred it seems then are many, and have spread themselves wide?  Self-c. 
In truth you are in the right on't, for I cant number them, though when I see any of them, I know them by a mark peculiar to our Tribe; that is, their fine way of speaking in their own praise.  Disc. 
But Sir, to let that pass, do you know one Goodman Honesty and his Brother Plain-dealing in these parts, are they any of your Tribe pray?  Self-c. 
O Hoyty Toyty! Goodman Honesty, and so forth. No Sir, we are all Masters, or at least all Good men: Why I hope you don't take this for a Country Village? No, no, you see we are all fine Folks, we have neither Goodman's, Gaffer's, nor Gammer's amongst us, I thank ye Sir.  Disc. 
Perhaps they may Sojourn here about for a night or two?  Self-c. 
No, no, I can assure you there's no entertainment here about for such homespun Fellows, all the Lodgings are taken up by great Folk I'll assure you: Though I am a great Shollar, and a Man of Prodigious parts, if I was a stranger, unless I went very Gay, I should not be Entertained.  Disc. 
That's much: But a great Shollar say you! are you a great Shollar?  Self-c. 
Ay marry am I: Pray Sir do you question it?  Disc. 
No Sir not now, but I am glad to hear it, for it may prove advantageous to my present inquiry.  Self-c. 
O me! will it indeed and in very good earnest?  Disc. 
Ay doubtless: I think you say you are a Gentleman and a great Scholar?  Self-c. 
Ay, ay, you are in the right on't, for although I must confess my Father was but a Weaver, yet I think myself by improvement as good as the best; for you must know a man of parts is a Gentleman, take him at which end you will.  Disc. 
Ha! than you are the Son of a Weaver it seems, but only you are refined into Gentility, by Learning and the like?  Self-c. 
Yes, yes, you are in the right on't.  Disc. 
You have Read many Books I suppose, and are a great Linguist?  Self-c. 
Very good, you hit me to a Hair, I wonder how you came to have such knowledge on me: O fie, how I under value myself with that thought, for who can imagine that a man of my prodigious Parts and I earning should not be known every where; why 'tis such as I that find Fame employment, her Wings would grow rough, and render her incapable of flight, did we not find her business. I dont know any think to the contrary, but my Name may be known in the Indies by this time, for I have sent many a piece of Paper abroad in Writing.  Disc. 
A Letter or so perhaps about Merchandise?  Self-c. 
No, no, I'll assure you I have writ Love-Letters and Madrigals, the finest pieces of Wit I think this Age can ●oast off: nay I have been in Print in Fo●●o too, and many other fine things I'll as●●re you.  Disc. 
And by this some would guests you really 〈…〉 you pretend, a great Scholar.  Self-c. 
Ay, ah, how can they do otherwise?  Disc. 
Well Sir, to grant that you are so, 〈◊〉 you tell me the men's names I inquire for in Latin, an odd request, yet you may do me a kindness in it, for who knows but they may have strained them to that pitch, the better to 〈◊〉 themselves, for they have many Enemy's I can assure ye.  Self-c. 
In Latin say you, let me see Honesty and Plain-dealing.— Hum,— in Latin say you?— why alas! I have left my Dictionary at home. Honesty and Plain-dealing say you? why I'll vow 'tis a very strange thing I should be so dull a sot, as not to have it in my mind: Pish it makes▪ me scratch.— well I have it at my tongue's end, yet truly Sir I must beg your pardon, I can't inform you at present, but I'll go and inquire if you'll stay a little.  Disc. 
No Sir it needs not; I only asked to underfeel your Scholarship.  Self-c. 
Underfeel me Sir! and what of that? Now you have underfelt me, I hope you take me for a Scholar don't you?  Disc. 
No indeed Sir I don't, you'd Laugh 〈◊〉 if I should: a pretender perhaps 〈…〉  Self-c. 
How Sir, how! why I have read abundance of hard words I'll assure 〈◊〉, as Manus and Domus, and the like.  Disc. 
Manus and Domus, pray Sir what 〈◊〉 they signify?  Self-c. 
How silly you are, what do they signify: Why they signify Manus and Domus, what would you have them signify else?  Disc. 
This is very pretty: but have they 〈◊〉 construction?  Self-c. 
Ay, ay, Manus and Domus, that's their construction; what construction would you have them have?  Disc. 
Ha, Ha, Ha.  Self-c. 
What do you laugh Sir? Well, well, I perceive by my great Learning you are a silly Fellow, and done't understand Emphatical pronountiation; there are two other hard words for ye, but I do ill to spend my great parts upon one of such little sense, but I'll keep you company no longer.  
Now in my Dream I perceived that this piece of impertinence put us into a ●it of laughter, for almost a quarter of an hour, and scarcely had we recovered our ●elves, but we saw at a little distance christ of Vain Glory, Sister to Ambition, ●nd round about her danced many Airy 〈…〉 as fancy, imagination shades▪ representing Chimerars and abundance of seeming nothings, though Delusion had set them out with imaginary Guilding and Painting to the best advantage, all her Garments were filled with Air, which made 'em strut like a Ships Sails, swelled with Southern Blasts; but we had seen too much Vanity before, and so we let her pass with these remarks.  
Vain-Glory's an inchantress seeming fair,  
Whose guilded Baits, fond Mortals do ensnare;  
But strip her once of her delusive Charms,  
She'll prove a Hag, and fright you from her Arms.  
No blossom of success as yet appearing, we began to be in a doubt, whether we should pass further, or put in and rest us; but before we perceive him, Prodigality was upon us, now thought I with myself, this is a fair opportunity to be informed what kind of People dwell in Extravagant 〈◊〉, which we were next to enter; but 〈◊〉 I could make observations upon his 〈◊〉 Habiliments, he was making 〈◊〉 and Drakes with Indian Ingots, 〈…〉 pleased to see them scrambled for; though as it was strongly guessed, 〈◊〉 Dadd bequeathed himself to Lucifer 〈◊〉 help him to 'em; but whilst he was ●●andering away the Old man's restless ●●bour, I perceived divers Flatterers and parasites, were buzzing stories in his Ears, 〈◊〉 whom he gave the greatest heed imaginable, as being much delighted with the ●ound of his own praise, nor did he deny ●em any thing they asked, though to trill him on, they feigned a modesty in taking 〈◊〉; now Usury stood close behind a Tree, ●auping for his Estate in Mortgage, as soon as all the ready Cash was melted by the ●eat of Folly, or Alembecked into the volatile quintessence of non est Inventus, by Dr. Extravagance, but whilst my thoughts grew big with expectation of some rare discourse. I perceived he charged into a Tavern with a train of Spungers at his ●eels, where a fresh bit of live Mutton was ready to Welcome him, who by her ●●rtifices, Angled so deep in the Fishpond of his Estate, that she cleared it of the pre●ent Fry, and obliged him to call Moun●ieur Usury to recruit him with ready ●own, when strait goes his Fist to the sheepskins; here I perceived he Re●ealed it so long, that after a second Recruit, he was in the height of Jolitry taken Captive by a band of Moabites, and lead into the Land of Misfortune, wher● he set the Organ-pipe of his past Folly to the Tune of Fortune my Foe, which mad● me run upon him in a little discant to this effect. 
Crushed by his Folly as his fate deserved:  
Behold too late repentance almost starved  
A grand Destroyer, who in one years' space  
Consumed the labour of his Dad's whole Race,  
By which he's brought to an unpityed case.  
But evil got is mostly evil spent.  
Mammon exacts again what'er he lent,  
To gull the Souls that were on lucre bend.  I would have proceeded but was disturbed by a Troop of Deceivers packed up in Blankets, as if they had been prohibited goods, they cackled strangely, and therefore might have been taken for wild Gees● but that they were deficient in Wings▪ and therefore altogether uncapable o● flight. These thought I have been in many Countries, and although they be bu● refuse, yet they may be capable of giving us some intelligence, but methought th●● Clacks going altogether, were so c●amourous, that a Beavy of Oster-wenche● was but an Ass to 'em; wherefore I contrived how I might single one out to speak the whole sense of the rest: Nor was it long ' ere I found the opportunity, for the remainder staggering into a Tippling Can as they call it, I catcht one by the Plad, which Discovery perceiving, gives him a full turn, and desired his better acquaintance. The Fellow stared with his Mouth at half cock, and at first seemed wondrous shy. Halo, said Discovery, why so aghast prithee? Turn up thy foretop and know me better, for indeed his Hair hung much in his Eyes, when stroking back his Whiskers, he whose name was the Deceiver demanded our business, and at the same time holding out his fist, fell to pauming it, emblematically expressing he wanted a fee; but Discovery as if he understood him not, told him, his business was to inquire after a couple of Persons that he supposed were travelling a Pilgrimage, or hid in some secret place, by reason he could no where find them.  Deceiver. 
Are they Coves of the Crackmans', Cloyers of the Cackelers or queer Coves, are they Strumel Morts Rum Morts or Coves of the Bouzin-Can▪  Discovery. 
hay day Friend! What are you gotten into the Galley-mausery of Abumazer. Be intelligable or adieu to ye.  Deceiv. 
Be intelligable; ay, ay, and what is it you'd have me intelligence about?  Disc. 
Speak Friend, I mean as you may be understood.  Dec. 
Ay, ay, let me see your Fist cross 〈◊〉 ●ond with won piece of Silver, and 〈◊〉 tell you very good Fortune.  Disc. 
A Rush for your Fortune-telling, is 〈◊〉 there ●bout with ye; a Fortune-teller say 〈◊〉▪  Dec. 
Ay, ay, me be very good Fortune-teller, in very good deed and earnest▪  Disc. 
Can you Conjure Friend?  Dec. 
No, no, me no Conjure, though me am not altogether unacquainted with the Devil.  Disc. 
I believe so, for you somewhat resemble him: But pray what is your business in this World?  Dec. 
Ay, ay, my business be very much 〈◊〉 ye, me be called the Fortune- 〈◊〉, the King of the Gipzies.  Disc. 
Ha, the very same I took you for: But wethee give us a little insight into your 〈◊〉, it may be worth hearing, and 〈◊〉 advantage our design. Have you 〈…〉 progress Honesty and Plain- 〈…〉 after?  Dec. 
That be a very fine question, ve●y you be surely mad to ask me dat, 〈◊〉 who am the veriest cheat in Creation.  Disc. 
Notwithstanding you may have ●ard of 'em, though they are no Company for 〈◊〉.  Dec. 
Ay, ay, and me have cheated 'em of 〈◊〉 great part of the little they had, many ● time.  Disc. 
That was unkindly done, but prithee 〈◊〉 didst compass it?  Dec. 
O very fine! For me having tried ●any experiences, undergon the scourge ●●llory and Huzza in the left sister, narrow●● escaping the Gibbet; and being too publicly known to carry on any further ●esign without a Vizor or the like.  Disc. 
What then, pray how managed you 〈◊〉 after game?  Dec. 
Why me was rambling abroad 〈◊〉 security one day, and getting myself ●retty weary when night had made the ●ields black, me being destitute and sad, 〈◊〉 crept into an old Barn amongst the ●itter, where me sat a while pensive: ●ut 〈◊〉 long before me was besieged by won ●eat Troop of Gablers, black as you see 〈◊〉, whom at the blush me took for Queen ●abb and her Fairy Elves, when me leap up, as being afraid of pinching, for me had heard to much of that before, & cried, Haloo Morblew Willoboo Aboo Aboo▪ When presently they thinking me the Devil, thro' down their Pots, Pipkins, Bouzing-Cans, and all their Furniture, and betake themselves to run so fast, that the Coves stumble over the Morts and the Morts overturn the Doxies, that in the end they lay Hecelde Peckelde on a heap▪ and the more they strive to run the more fear doth stop their flight.  Disc. 
And what succeeded this disorder?  Dec. 
Why when me perceived what they were, me call after them, and cry● me was a Man, me was no Devil.  Disc. 
And they returned upon this, di● they not?  Dec. 
Ay, ay, and finding their mistake we all retire to our thatched Palace where striking a light, me perceived th● way bestrowed with the spoils of the las● days gathering; as Mecelines of Mamock and streams of strong Liquors, whic● made them all lament their Foolish fear.  Disc. 
But what ensued?  Dec. 
Much Friendship, and an invitation to accompany them, when I had tol● them of a thousand pranks I had played▪ No Man so fit (they gabled all at once) 〈◊〉 be Superior of order.  Disc. 
And did you take it on you?  Dec. 
Yes, and to make myself more lovely in their Eyes, and seem a true Egyptian rubbed my Face and Hands with a Pomander made of Soot and Bacongrease, for the Green Husks of Wal●ut were not then in season, and then was I installed with great applause, and many a vain Song sung to confirm it, and young Rum Mort, or Damsel delivered me to use as I thought fit. When Morning gave a prospect to the Villages, out I sent my Troop of Foragers, who soon returned laden with provision, nay with Sheets, Shirts, Hens, Pigs, Geese, or what else came to Hand, and all that day we reveld it, and all the night we spent in soft dalliance.  Disc. 
And are the Villagers kind to such a strooling Tribe?  Dec. 
Ay, and deny us no provision, lest with horrid mutterings we should bewitch their Cattle, or raise tempests to overturn their Barns and Houses, or with lightning flashes set them in a blaze.  Disc. 
And is this in your power?  Dec. 
No I think not, but a Foolish fear persuades the ignorant to such credulity. Nay more, they fond dream what ever we participate a part of, all the rest must consequently follow.  Disc. 
And is it nothing so?  Dec. 
Not in the least, for whilst we dose 'em with strange things, we have our Divers, our Filers of the cly, our Tripers of the Dancers, Anglers, and the like, who rob their Houses or their Persons, which they believe to be by power of inchantation.  Disc. 
And they believe all what you tell 'em I'll warrant you.  Dec. 
Yes every Syllable, for if we tell but true once in a hundred Guesses, and that perhaps we gather from their own discourse, all is held as Gospel, not a Syllable is disbelieved, but if it be past they think they remember something like it, or perhaps flatter themselves 'tis true but they have forgot it.  Disc. 
Very good, and this folly is predominant?  Dec. 
Ay exceedingly. But to let that slip, over other ways we have, for when we find a large credulity, than we persuade 'em they are born to exceeding Fortune, and if we find 'em rich, pretend ●here's Treasure hid in the House, that was by fate designed them near a hundred years since; this sets them agog and have it conjured, they will, and we must be the People, than we ask them for a pledge, what Jewels, Plate, or Linen, etc. they most esteem, which we tell them is to be given in Hostage to the powers of Darkness to assist us in our discovery, and in the end they shall have that and all the Treasure.  Disc. 
And this I suppose ●akes 〈◊〉.  Dec, 
What can it do less? It ●ickles to the life, and flatters them with Mountains that scarcely come to Molehills.  Disc. 
Then you deceive 'em?  Dec. 
Ay what more, for when the day perfixed is near, away w● trudge with what we have, to far for them to find us, which makes 'em oft sit down by weeping cross, whilst we are laughing loud.  Disc. 
A●d have you 〈…〉 Rendezvous?  Dec. 
Yes, once a year we generally meet, and share our riches, equally relieve those that are scanty, and then separating we leave tokens 〈◊〉 the way, that two Companies should not take the selfsame Road, and now consider whether Honesty or Plain-dealing be of our acquaintance, though we often gull 'em.  Disc. 
Then you know where they dwell.  Dec. 
No Sir, I keep no Register, but find 'em for the most part loitering on the Road, or sitting over two sticks a cross in some poor Cot or Hovel.  Disc. 
And no where else?  Dec. 
Not as I remember, for I hate their company, though some times it proves advantageous.  Disc. 
If so Friend, we must leave you, for we are their Friends, and would not hear them evil spoken of.  Dec. 
In truth Sir I shall e'en be glad on't, for my Coves and Morts will think me long. Therefore adieu.  
Now in my Dream I perceived he followed his Comrades, and I was glad he left us, as being tired with his tedious Harangue: But it was not long before a Fellow meets us Laden with Globs, and Astrolobles, Gimcracks, Mathe-matical, and divers other Baubles, and had a acquaint device upon his Forehead, representing a Triangle, and in it he had writ, The Secretary of the Stars. This thought I must be a Ptolemy, an Agrippa, or a Ticobrahe, but it proved none of these, but a certain Quack pretender, a more imposture than the former, yet as great as Ignorance will let him be, his Name's Deluder. This Fellow, though to the little furtherance of our design, I had a great mind to have sifted, and Discovery was no less zealous to be satisfied, whereupon he thus began.  Disc. 
Friend, how comes it that you Travel with such a Burden?  Deluder. 
To me it is light, who am the Atlas of the World, on whom the powers above have given an understanding to underprop all Sciences.  Disc. 
And is so great a Wisdom yours?  Del. 
Ay, and a greater than you yet have named.  Disc. 
As how, pray let me understand?  Del. 
A secret access, to read the dark decrees of Fate, unravel the Volumes of Futurity.  Disc. 
'Tis strange that Mortal man should be endowed with such a Talon.  Del. 
It is indeed, few Mortals e'er could boast the like: Why man, the Stars are all at my divotion.  Disc. 
How the Sta●s! why sure you an't in earnest?  Del. 
That is Sir, to tell me secret things, and give enlargement to my knowledge.  Disc. 
Then you are the man that only can acquaint us perhaps of wonders strange and new, for I suppose few things are hidden from you, if you have such bright Acquaintance.  Del. 
You are in the right on't, few things indeed; all Natures, Secrets, are laid open to my view, each thing is represented as it is: The Universe is stripped before my Eyes, and no disguise can cover● her from my impartial view.  Disc. 
'Tis rare what you express, were i● but true.  Del. 
True, why what can be more true than what we who have her intelligence from the superior World relate.  Disc. 
You call the Celestial Intelligences by their Names I suppose?  Del. 
Yess, and am acquainted with the smallest spark that spangled the blue Arch.  Disc. 
This still increases my wonder?  Del. 
Nay more things that vulgar Eyes see not, I with my Tube do, nightly visit: Why Sir I make Almanacs, consider that, and then you'll think I'm wiser far than Haly or Old Da●us.  Disc. 
Make Almanacs, that's pretty: But pray what is't you infer from thence?  Del. 
O many things Sir, in●erences without number.  Disc. 
As how, let us hear a little?  Del. 
As first, Sir, my large understanding is thereby manifested to the World; each City applauds me, and each Country Swain admires me; there's not a Woman but takes me for a Conjurer.  Disc. 
Very fine; and you admire yourself 〈◊〉 I suppose?  Del. 
Ay, and reason good, how can I do less, that hold such lofty correspondence.  Disc. 
And you undertake to discover mysteries, things dark and secret.  Del. 
Ay marry do I, things as dark as any Dungeon.  Disc. 
And by the light of that knowledge you have obtained, by scraping acquaintance with the Stars, you pretended 〈◊〉 do it.  Del. 
Very right, 'tis much you should hit so pat.  Disc. 
Then pray Sir ●ell me the Names of the Party's I'm searching after, and whether I shall find them or not?  Del. 
Are they Men or Women, Married. or Unmarried, Old or Young?  Disc. 
I hope you know Sir by your wonderful skill in divination.  Del. 
Ay, ay, I was weak to ask such a question, but I must erect a Scheem first; as thus, So now Sir, these that you take to be only cringle, crongles, are houses, and Celestial ones to I'll azure you, and are known by the Sign of the Ram, Bull, and many the like pretty devices; but to let that pass, well the Names of the Parties I must tell you, and whether you must find them or not, and all this for a Shilling, 'tis as cheap as Neck Beef. But stay now I think on't, I ha●'t my fee yet.  Disc. 
That you shall have Sir, if your performance answer our expectation.  Del. 
Well, well, let me see, jupiter is combust in Airs, and Venus is rampant in Taurus two horned signs, well, and Mercury is gotten into Gemenine and threatens a Rape upon Virgo; from all which I gather that the Parties Names are Dorothy and Mary, but as for finding of them at present, I think it will be no ways convenient, lest you become wittols, for from the two horned Signs, I divine they are just about this time in Gemeni, a sporting with their Gallants.  Disc. 
Ha, ha, ha,— Ha, ha, ha.  Del. 
How do you Laugh Gentlemen? Nay, nay, 'tis no Laughing matter, for I can assure you, you'll be Cuckolds within this half hour. Ay, ay, the Stars make it out as plain as the Nose in your Face.  Disc. 
How Cuckolds and never Married, well that's very pretty I must confess.  Del. 
Pish, not Married, alas! then the Stars have misinformed me, for by them I gathered, you were in search of your Wives; but I must confess it is a bad day to resolve questions in, because it Reigned in the Morning, which denotes the Stars to be sullen and self willed.  Disc. 
It rather Sir denotes your ignorance, who pretend to things above your reach, deluding silly People with false stories, and if you hit upon a Truth it is by guess, or else you gather it from their own discourse, and tell it them again in other words, to the same effect; and to let you further understand your Error, 'tis Honesty and Plain-dealing we are in search for.  Del. 
Say you so: Well, well, I could have told you if I had cast but another Scheem.  Disc. 
And can you tell us where to find them, now you know their Names?  Del. 
What kind of clothes do they beware, have they Beards, or are they close shaved.  Disc. 
If you know nothing of that, how can you inform us where to find them?  Del. 
Well Sir, I find by my Scheem, if they are not in the North or the South, you may chance to find them in the West or the East, either above, or under the ground; and this is all I can tell you at present, for you see Sir, it's a Cloudy day, which much impairs my understanding, but if you'll call again to morrow—  Disc. 
No Friend, we shall not give ourselves the trouble, we have found you to be a very understanding Coxcomb in your own conceit, and so we take our leaves.  Del. 
Well, well, do as you please, and I'll do as I think fit, for i'll warrant you, I shall pass for an ginger for all this, and make Almanacs in spite of Honesty and Plain-dealing Teeth.  
Now in my Dream I beheld he went gazing upwards, till he fell into the Quagmire of his own folly, and there became the Laughingstock to the whole Town, which put me upon the merry Pin of discanting after this manner.  
Impostors swarm Pretenders to Arts Rules,  
Who build their Nest upon believing Fools,  
And pass with Ignorance for men of sense,  
Their stock's Delusion, mixed with impudence.  
By this time we were boarded by an Animal of a large size, whom at first I took for a Mountebank, but afterward found him to be a pretended repairer of Nature's decays, or a cementer of Casualtys and disorders, called by some, The Torments. Of whom Discovery proceeded to make inquiry, but I had no sooner named Honesty and Plain-dealing, but the man started as if a Snake had bit him by the Toe, and expressed himself, as if he 〈◊〉 taken us for Mad men, to make such 〈…〉 yet Discovery proceeded to manage him in the following Dialect.  Disc. 
Be not offended Sir at such an inquiry.  Tormento. 
I think Friend it is a very simple question to put to one of my Profession. I would have you to know that I am altogether a stranger to those you mentioned, and would not be otherways for the Queen of Sheba's present.  Disc. 
More's the pity.  Tormento. 
Pity, no, no, pity me no pities, I know not what belongs to that neither, for if I was conversant with any of 'em, it would spoil my Trade, I could not keep People upon the rack for my advantage, and make a half years cure of a cut Finger, which if I was minded I could perfect in two days. Nay, sometimes by incision and empoisoning I render it incurable but by Death.  Disc. 
That's very unconscionable I'll tell you that.  Torm. 
Ay, ay, no matter so it turns to my Advantage. Unconscionable quotha, why you don't imagine that men who ●rade in Blood and Wounds, and get their livelihood by the misery an● affliction of ●he People, have any Conscience do you?  Disc. 
They ought to have more than others.  Torm. 
No they ought not, I'll tell you that, for if they had, they could not have the heart to manage the Rich, and kill the Poor for Experience sake.  Disc. 
O Intolerable! is the World bewitched so to be used, and pay for such disasters?  Torm. 
Ay, and fortify themselves with mighty patience, whilst we slash, burn, and saw them at a rate you'd wonder, cutting them in pieces whilst they live, and Burying one part Forty years some times before the other follows to the Grave, in this case still the Rich fare worse, for them we keep upon the Tentures long, considering the old Proverb, that something has some savour, but the Poor, where little's to be had, is either rejected, or quickly Cured by us o● Death.  Disc. 
If so, our farther inquiry may be spared.  Torm. 
Yes, yes, as to my particular i● may, and now I think on't, I can stay no longer, but must hast to get a Thorn ou● of a Lady's Finger, gotten by too hasty gathering of Roses, which I intent to make a Fortnight's Cure at least: Te● Guinys worth of business, but i'll abou● it, lest another intercept me.  
This said, methought he left us, and was not grieved at his departure, yet pitied those that should come to his handling; yet scarce had time to Breath, when a company of Makebates came josteling each other, ever ravelling and quarrelling at trifles, spreading false rumours, jealozies, and fears, deviding Families, and setting Neighbours against Neighbours; and these I perceived had Tongues as black as Hell, being all the off spring of Discord, begotten on hisdear beloved Spouse Dame Envy; wherefore finding them to be a pestilential Tribe, we passed them, and suffered patiently their Raillery, as being below our anger or our notice.  
This rout thus shunned, we fell upon Detraction, a meager Fellow, who just turned the corner of Ingratitude Street, and with him Discovery would needs be Arguing.  Disc. 
You look friend as if you were in heaviness, pray what afflicts you?  Detraction. 
Nothing Sir, but that I am a little concerned that such and such men should pretend to Sense and Learning, when they have no more than a Horse.  Disc. 
Then most men are mistaken, that repute them men of Wit and Understanding.  Det. 
Ay, ay, let me tell you, they are mistaken, for in my opinion, who should know; they have no more Sense than a Corn-cutter.  Disc. 
It looks too much like malice, to say so.  Det. 
Not at all Sir, and there's another, such a one, you know who I mean, a pretender to Music, and Limning, and many other Arts and Sciences, the mearest Coxcomb pretender that ever was, a very Ass at fancy and design.  Disc. 
And yet he's held to be the best our Age can boast of.  Det. 
No, no, hang him, he's a mere dunce, a booby, one that has nothing in him.  Disc. 
Pray Sir who are you that would spot those Names that shine bright in the sphere of Fame, and are inroled in Capitals of Gold.  Det. 
Who am I Sir? why my Name's Detraction Sir.  Disc. 
Detraction, black Detraction, the Eldest Son of Malice. Nay then it is no wonder if you Envy them, the honour their deserts have merited, since your Tongues more poisonous to virtue, and well deserving deeds, than Acconite.  Det. 
Beware Sir what you say, surely you ought to use me better.  Disc. 
No, but rather worse, thou Mortal foe to all good, thou Slain of Reputation, and conceited piece of Ignorance, who fain would be thought some thing, by lessening the fame of others; when indeed your spite is heavy winged, and cannot reach them, all Sciences are strange to your a veling, Reason scarcely ever harboured there; and will you undertake to judge of those whom others hold the most Acelebra●e. Honesty and Plain-dealing would far no better at your hands, though Clad in all their native Innocence.  Det. 
It may be so, but you are something rough methinks, more than becomes you.  Disc. 
O never too much with such a one as you, who are the very 〈◊〉 of the Age, a thing that all good men hate, a thing that fools will scarcely listen to.  Det. 
You might be softer in your Expressions one would think.  Disc. 
In this case I never can, but 'tis time lost to argue further with the Bane of Goodness and Humane Society, and therefore ●rudg on.  
Now I dreamt that his inward rage ●lacked his Face like the Egyptian darkness, but his spleen being suppressed at ●hat time, on he passed to the Region of Infamy, where I perceived he had a mansion; but we were hardly shut of him, ere Disorder eyed us at a distance, having two Tongues as sharp as Swords, which are continually employed in spreading the venom of Mischief, and disturbing peace, raising discontents and fears, setting unsettled Brains a madding, and unhindging the quiet of Humane Life; therefore we thought not fit to meddle with such a pestilence, but to get rid on it. We crossed the way into Pretenders Street, and there methoughts we met a Fellow very demure, his Eyes still fixed upon the ground, whilst care was deep Engraven on his Face. This is Humility thought I, and was about to salute him by that Name, but Discovery told me it was only a Pretender, whom I should hear myself to be better satisfied.  Disc. 
Friend, how goes preferment in the World? how is Honesty put to sale?  Pretention. 
Verily I know not, I am of a lowly mind, and never concern myself with those affairs.  Disc. 
Why is not this Pretenders Street, have you no Mansion here?  Pret. 
You have spoke right to both, but I came out of Verity Lane when I came hither.  Disc. 
It may be so, because you had no Credit there.  Pret. 
Credit Sir! what mean you by it? I fear he knows me.  Disc. 
You could not pretend to preferments, never to be reached amongst the ●umbler Fry, and tell of Estates lost, that was never in the possession of you nor your Ancestors, boasting of Honesty, Loyalty, and Uprightness, which you never practised.  Pret. 
hay day, and what do you infer from all this?  Disc. 
Why that you are a mere bubble, a troublesome sound, the Romantic part of Mortality, and no more.  Pret. 
'Tis uncivil I'll tell you, to use a stranger thus.  Disc. 
No stranger i'll assure you, for I have known you a troubler of Humane Society these many years, with fictitious stories, fond imaginations, Chimacas, and fancies that were not, nor never will be.  Pret. 
I suppose Sir you are mistaken in the Person; for although some call me the Pretender, yet Truth was my Mother, and Honesty Begot me.  Disc. 
And where was you Born, remember you the place of your Nativity?  Pret. 
I was Born upon the Mount of 〈◊〉 rightness, in the Land of Plain-dealing.  Disc. 
And this amongst the rest 〈◊〉 pretend to.  Pret. 
Ay, what less: and I am con●dent you are of the same Opinion, though 〈◊〉 are minded in raillery to try my patience, which I have an invinsible Brigade.  Disc. 
Very good, but to come a litt●● nearer to the purpose; The Land 〈◊〉 Plain-dealing you say: pray what quart●● of the Earth is it in, what manner 〈◊〉 Country is it?  Pret. 
Why then it seems you question 〈◊〉 truth of what I have told you?  Disc. 
Perhaps not, yet would willing●ly be satisfied in this particular.  Pret. 
Well, 'tis a very bad thing to be de●fident. This I have pretended to a Thousan● who never so much as scrupled it.  Disc. 
Then you only pretended it, and no more.  Pret. 
Perhaps I may not be willing to sa●tisfie you in that point.  Disc. 
You may spare your labour then and I shall take it for granted.  Pret. 
It won't much afflict me for refusing to satisfy you.  Disc. 
Then you are only a pretender▪ you express yourself to be no more 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Parents, especially those you nam●; but on my Conscience they ne● owned you.  Pret. 
You know not whether they did, or ●ether they did not, nor matter● it whether 〈◊〉 do or no.  Disc. 
O! but it does, for it's one of 〈◊〉 we are in search of, and stand great● in need of directions to find out.  Pret. 
And what's your business with him 〈◊〉?  Disc. 
We have some Letters of recommendation to him from his friends, there ● an Estate asigned him.  Pret. 
An Estate, say you so, this is it I 〈◊〉 looked for. Why I am his Son and Heir, 〈◊〉 ten thousand to one whether you'll find him ● not; and therefore you had as good com●nicate the matter to me, and come in for a 〈◊〉 yourself, for he's such an easy man, a 〈◊〉 so soon persuaded to any thing, that 〈◊〉 he possess it, he'd be Rooked out of it Knavery and Deceit, before it would 〈◊〉 to my Fingering.  Disc. 
Very good, but we must perform ● at we have undertaken, if possible.  Pret. 
I think it will be altogether impossi● to find him, for now I recollect myself, I ●eve he is dead, for I ha●'t ●ad a Letter 〈◊〉 him this twenty Years; therefore you'd do well to take my advice. As for bearing you harmless, if you fear any danger in th●● case, my Brother Self-will and my own 〈◊〉 shall be your Counter Security.  Disc. 
Well, but how shall I be satisfie● that Honesty was your Father, and Tru● your Mother.  Pret. 
Why Sir you may believe me, as m●ny has done before you.  Disc. 
And must I rest upon that: 〈◊〉 if I can't believe you?  Pret. 
Come, come, let me whisper you the Ear: You shall go half snacks with me the business, that I hope will please you?  Disc. 
But what if such a thing should 〈◊〉 discovered, for she in whose hands it is ● wonderful discerning.  Pret. 
Come, come, Mr. Forgery's 〈◊〉 Neighbour, and he shall make a Will, exactly counterfeiting the plain stile and hand Honesty, and I'll get Perjury to swear ● his lawful begotten Son, and then who 〈◊〉 hinder me on't?  Disc. 
Ha, this is very fine; but let 〈◊〉 tell you Sir, it's a great way off, and it 〈◊〉 cost you a world of pains ere you can arrive where it is.  Pret. 
Pish, for an Estate, who would 〈◊〉 take pains?  Disc. 
But it's in a Country perhaps 〈◊〉 know not the way to.  Pret. 
It may be so, but can't I inquire?  Disc. 
There are very few People upon that Road that know the right way, though many are Travelling theitherward to take possession of Inheritance; most of which lose themselves in the Wilderness through which they pass, and never arrive at the place they imagine to reach.  Pret. 
Why are there a great many possessions vacant? if so, I had best make haste, perhaps a couple may fall to my s●are, for want of whom to Occupy them.  Disc. 
You must first have directions about the way, written upon the Table of your Heart.  Pret. 
How, upon my Heart: Why how can I come at them to read them then?  Disc. 
Why with the Eyes of your Understanding.  Pret. 
The Eyes of my Understanding say you: why I thought I h●d had but two Eyes in all. But tell me, for I am almost mad to know in what Country it is, that I may lose no time, but be setting forward as fast is I can.  Disc. 
You must first provide yourself with the Wings of Faith.  Pret. 
How Wings! why must I fly then?  Disc. 
O yess, an immeasurable height.  Pret. 
Why then perhaps I may chance to break my Neck, or tumble into the Sea, and be drowned, as fared the Son of Dedalus.  Disc. 
You must likewise put on you the Garments of Charity.  Pret. 
How, the Garments of Charity; why she has gone Naked this many a day: and how then should I come by her Garments, pray tell me that?  Disc. 
And must be armed with the Spirit of Prayer, and the Shield of Steadfast, Belief to oppose the Enemies you will meet with in the way.  Pret. 
Ha, you begin to make me afraid: But I beseech you be not so tedious in coming to a Conclusson.  Disc. 
These and many more things must furnish you out for such a Journey: But to be brief, as for the Estate or possession, It is called the reward of Virtue, lying in the Celestial City, and reserved by Wisdom for those that love Honesty and Uprightness.  Disc. 
I thought it was some such business, that made you make all this ado about it. Well, well, if it be in the Celestial City (for I have heard of such a place) y●u may Travel on, and find out Honesty if you can; for now I think on't, it would be unnatural to bereave him of what's his due, if he be alive▪ though I am something doubtful; besides I am not at Leisure to take such a journey yet a while. If it had been in the City, much might have been.  Disc. 
Then you are not the Son of Honesty, but a mere Pretender, the same I took you for at first?  Pret. 
It may be so: But seeing there is ●othing to be got by you, I shall make no further pretensions to your Company, but keep on my way to Vanity Fair.  
Now I Dreamt that I saw him enter, a great Mist arising from the Lake of Self-deceiving, where we left him at the Gate of Error, and kept on our way, till we came into the Discontented quarter. And what should first salute our Ears, but the Sighs and Murmours of a Beauteous Lady in a careless and neglected dress, who in my Dream I beheld to be in the greatest Agony imaginable, complaining of her hard fortune, which I soon understood to be occasioned by her being matched contrary to her inclination, to Age and Grey Hairs. O! said she, that ever I was born to be so much unhappy, thus in the prime of all my Youth and Beauty to be violently cast into the Arms of Age, to have the Roses and the Lillys scarcely blown in the Springtide of my Age, sullied with the blast of Winter, with a Breath to me more nauceous, than the pestilential damp that rises from the Lernian Lake, to have a withered Lump, an Emblem of Death, cold in the midst o● june, as sharp December Frost, Grasp me in his Icey Arms, and with a thousand foolings, urge me into madness; whilst I fancy to myself the honest and happy Nuptial joys of others, less Beautiful, and less deserving than myself; to think how they with Vigorous Lovers, who meet their Eager joys with equal Ardour, sweetly twine like grasping Ivy, and amidst a thousand Transports that possess the Ravished Soul, Breath out sweet Murmurs▪ whilst their Senses are in Ecstasies; and then with soon revived flame, after a panting space and happy Gaze, a second time melt in each others Arms, and try the utmost pleasure chaste Loves Elezium ca● afford, whilst Rosy blushes spread their Cheeks, and Hummied firedarts from their sparkling modest Eyas. O! wretched Maid that I am, how can I think upon such happinesses, and not conclude myself unfortunate. Cruel Parents! that you are to rob me of the Family Bliss your selve●●●joyed, by Engrafting me into a withered Tree, a living Storehouse of infirmities, full of Rhumatisms, Dropsy, Gout, seasless Coughs, and everlasting Ca●ta●rahs, so he breaks my rest, and disappoints me of my joys. O that I had been Wedded to my Grave, when base poluting Gold tainted the Souls of my Indulgent Parents, to give their Darling up a Sacrifice to Avarice. But let me stand a Sea mark to all Virgins, warning them to shun the Rock on which the blooming Gayness of my Youth is Shipwrackt, on which my joys are split, those joys which many a sober Youth sighed for, sought, and as his life desired.  
Now I beheld in my Dream, that after this stream of discontent had flowed in Words and Tears, she fell again to Sighing, and wrung her hands, in which Melancholy posture, she passed into Procurers Street, where meeting with a Grave Matron, who went amongst her Neighbours for a sober Woman, though indeed her Employ was to satisfy young Ladies modest Longings, and help Brisk Gallants to a piece of Soul-ruening Recreation at a dead lift. This Madam, the Precurator, for so is her Name, soon hushed my Young Mistrises lamentation, and invegled her to the palace of Dishonest Love, where she had prepared a Collation of delight, which proved so much to her satisfaction, that I afterwards understood, when ever she had occasion for Love-posse●, she gave her Dotard the slip, and came hither on pilgrimage. The consideration of which made me discant a little to the following Tune.  
You Parents in whom Age has quenthed the fire  
Of Youthful thoughts, and Eagar joys desire,  
Consider not what Tyranny you use  
Toward those you Love, when Age for Youth you choose:  
Forcing poor Ladies upon Impotence,  
Who look for joys, that ne'er can flow from thence,  
Which makes 'em stray, but who's is the offence?  
'Tis you's, who damn your Children for a sum,  
And sink the Dotard into Cuckolddom.  
As Love is free, so should the Choice be still,  
No ●●uelty's like forcing a free will.  
I would have proceeded, but was interrupted by a Fellow, who met us with a fire in his mouth, Vomiting smoke like Mount Aetna. I took him at first to be one of those Jugglers, that by false devices gull the Simple of their Coin; but soon after I found him to be a dealer in Indian Weed, and the pernicious Liquor, invented for destruction of Humane kind, and therefore would have passed him; but Discovery knowing him to be Villainy, allied to Knavery, he would not be so satisfied, but bearing up, cried,  Disc. 
Hal●, Friend, what's the reason you march up and down poisoning the Ai●e at this ra●e with your Fogo, are you preparing yourself against you come to Pluto's Mansion?  Villainy. 
No Sir you are mistaken, this smoke serves instead of Brimstone and wet Hay, to keep out the Swarms of Caterpillars.  Disc. 
Then you should apply it amongst the Catchpoles, here's no need of it in this place.  Vill. 
They have so well fortified themselves by a continual usage, that, although I must confess they are of the largest sort of Caterpillars, that they take it in like a Bribe; for letting a Prisoner slip through their Clutches, and winking at his escarpe, that they may be paid for a second Attaque.  Dis. 
●ut to wave this way of fooling prithee Friend can you tell me where a man may find Honesty and Plain-dealing?  Vill. 
Are they Men or Women?  Disc. 
No matter which if you know them: do you know them? if not say so, and there's an end on't.  Vill. 
Why you are mighty hasty Sir, let me consider a little: Honesty and Plain-dealing! Well I can but wonder who these should be, I remember there were a couple of Fellows as plain as a Pike staff at my shop this morning, ten to one but they might be the same you inquire for, though I believe they'll hardly come again, for whilst I stepped down stairs to serve them a trick, by putting a Cooler into their Liquor, they showed me a trick for my Tas●er, I would I could catch them:  Disc. 
These were not they Friend I'll azure you, ●or they wrong ●o man.  Vill. 
Then be satisfied I have no knowledge of them, nor do I desire it.  Disc. 
That's strange: Why Friend, are you not of the Opinion that such good men are not worthy your Acquaintance.  Vill. 
No indeed, for than I could not put a pi●● of Element into each Gallon of Tickle ye ●o death, not cut Stalks, and beating them flat in a Mortar, sell them for Currant fume to the ignorant Bumkins, to blacken their Throats like a Chimney. No nor drink a Man dead, and then dive into the stowage of his Breeches, and so forth. But I shall make too large a discovery to the perjudice of my business, if I should proceed, and therefore I beg your pardon Sir.  Disc. 
Then you know not the men we inquire for, you are not acquainted with them?  Vill. 
Your understanding, after such a relation, might inform you they are none of my Acquaintance, though I have heard of them as well as my Neighbours. But if you will go to my shop Sir—  Disc. 
No by no means, 'tis a dangerous place I perceive, and therefore you may be moving, our business lies this way.  Vill. 
Ay, ay, I think you are not worth my stay, I shan't have a Customer on you, and so I leave you as not for my Turn.  
Now in my Dream I found myself quite tired with this Theme of Villainy, but could scarcely-fetch Breath, but we heard an outcry of Stop him, Stop him, and many threats of Revenge. Now I imagined it might be a parcel of People in pursuit of some Pickpocket or Shop-lifter. But casting up my Eyes, I perceived myself in Cuckolds-Row, but could not take a serious view of the many various devices that were every where Portrayed, but a fat Fellow with a Fire-fork in his hand, came running towards us, puffing and blowing like a Po●pus, jelozic and Revenge were rampant in his Face, when, without giving us a word, he struck at us with main force. But Discovery advancing his light, the man whose Name was jelozie recoiled, but soon recovering, he thus began.  jelozie. 
Villain, Rogue, or what other Name shall I give you: have I found you out at last. O Sir, I thought I should catch you, and now i'll be revenged for all the dishonour you have put upon me. ●a find Youth. Ha, do you grin, have at you then. No, no, Heathen, I shan't fear the Singing of my Beard this bout.  
Now by this discourse, I perceived in my Dream that he had catched the Gallant upon the high Ropes, yet nor daring to venture on him unarmed, whilst he went to provide himself with a Weapon, he had given him the slip, and that by an unlucky mistake, he took Discovery to be the man, who as the dreadful blow was 〈◊〉 from the hand of Cornutus, again interposed his Tapor, which drove him to a distance, and then began to reason with him.  Disc. 
Friend why are you thus enraged, what have I done, thus to incur your anger?  jel. 
Dare you ask me, you Spawn of a Spider, know you not well enough you have wronged me sufficiently, for which, I'll thus be revenged.  Disc. 
Hold, Hold, Friend, and let us parley a little, I know not in what I have offended, therefore pray make me sensible of it.  jel. 
Yes, Yes, Sirrah, i'll make you sensible of it i'll warrant you; i'll batter your Coxcomb for you in return of your kindness, in making me wear Antlers, I will, I will, you Varlet you.  Disc. 
Certainly friend you are Mad or Drunk, and know not what you say; why here's no body has injured you.  jel. 
Have they not, you insupportable Rakeshame! But by this you shall know you have. Ha, you are mighty nimble; well I shall hit you a ma●l by and by, 'tis twenty to one else.  Disc. 
But won't you hear Reason?  jel. 
No marry won't I: Udslid Sirrah, reason me no reason, nothing but braining you will serve my turn.  Disc. 
But for what pray, what is the m●aning of all this bluster?  jel. 
O! thou Viper, canst thou ask 〈◊〉 did not I catch you on Cockhorse, was you not. (Ogrant me patience) mounted in my Saddle, Ploughing with my Hef●er, and dare you, have you so impudent a Face as to reason the cause of this mighty indignation, that like a Torrent shall overflow you, and wash you into the Red Sea of destruction.  Disc. 
You are mistaken Friend, your Rage has blinded you, I am not Concious of the injury you charge me with.  jel. 
Ay, ay, so you have protested many a time, which was confirmed by my dissembling Wife; till I believed a couple of Sinners before my own Eyes; but i'll do so no more I thank you. O! Rage, Rage, keep up I say, lest I should grow Tame, and lose my Revenge.  Disc. 
Friend your Revenge is misapplyed, I never saw you till this hour.  jel. 
How, till this hour! let me see a little: No verily I am mistaken, you are not the man, I beg your pardon sweet scented Sir.  Disc. 
See how Rage makes men mistake, by captivating their Senses.  jel. 
Ay, ay, '●is very true, for I might have been guilty of a mischief, I should have been sorry for; but I can stay no longer to parley, lest my anger cool before I find the Rascal that offered me the injury, and of a Lion, I become a Mutton.  
Now I perceived in my Dream he began again to stretch his Legs, till being pursue and overtaken by his dear Do●ie, she with feigned Sighs, forced Tears, and soft entreats, prevailed with him to think himself mistaken, and brought back this Man of indignation to his House in peace, where with deluding Kisses, she attoand for her Gallant, and all parties were restored to the like freedom as before, which put me on this merry pint.  
What madding Fools, does jelozie make men?  
Who must in spite of all be Tame again,  
And prove a Lion Couchant in their Den.  
Leaving this place, we passed into a wide Street, called Theiving Ramble, where we met a sharp fighted Fellow, with abundance of Implements about him, which expressed him a Practitioner of standing, in the many slights and acquaint devices of Living upon other men's Labour. This piece of deceit known by the Name of the Diver. Discovery would needs have a little. discourse with, for who knows says he, but a man may Edify even by a Lecture of Wickedness, so as to avoid the Snare when laid for himself, and thereupon he advanced to meet him. When in my Dream I perceived the Dialogue begin in the following manner.  Disc. 
prithee Fellow what's the reason you are so shy, why eat you us at this rate?  Diver. 
Sir I am not used to mind every body I meet, unless I have a private reason for it.  Disc. 
Yet methinks you might not sneak as if you feared 〈◊〉, we are not so dreadful.  Diu. 
No not unless you had had a painted Staff, or a Coat with a Yellow Lining.  Disc. 
And suppose I had both, what then?  Diu. 
Why then Sir I would have showed you a fair pair of Heels for your deverson.  Disc. 
Would you so: why then it seems Authority is dreadful to you. Pray what 〈◊〉 ●our business be in the World?  Diu. 
Sir I am of a Trade, or as some will have it, a Craft or Faculty, that divides itself into many Branches.  Disc. 
As how, I suppose you are your Crafts Master, and can inform me.  Diu. 
Ay if I li●t I can, though if I should, it would prove but little to your advantage.  Disc. 
Howsoever you may do a kindness in giving the satisfaction demanded, and lose nothing by it.  Diu. 
It may be so, but whilst i'm discousing you, I may fortune to give you a lift for your Cargo, by insensibly diving into your Stowage.  Disc. 
Speak plain friend, that I may the better understand you.  Diu. 
Ay, ay, i'll be plain with you because I think you won't discover me, which if I did, but to wave that: Well Sir, if I must be plain, my pricipal Profession, is the Acelibrated Mystery of Diveing.  Disc. 
Diveing, for what?  Diu. 
O! for precious things, the Indians have ten times the Labour for less.  Disc. 
In what manner Dive you, as Plundging into the Water, or so?  Diu. 
No Sir, but in the Stowage of gazing Mortals, who are careless in watching their Cargo.  Disc. 
Now I understand you, you are a Pocket Diver, etc.  Diu. 
Right Sir right, and therefore 'tis best for you to look out sharp.  Disc. 
I had need, when I am in 〈◊〉 Company. But really I have been a long time desirous to know by what insensible slight you so cleaverly Gull People.  Diu. 
Perhaps I may rectify your Senses in that matter, a matter never Achieved without much labour and industry; and thus I begin to apply it to your understanding.  
In this case, when Pupils come to be Educated, drawn away from their Parents or Masters by some of our Superious, as desirous of an easy, though Profligate life▪ there is a School as we term it, for their infant instructions, where a Tutor, very expert in the business, attends on certain days to read them Lectures, for the propagation of this so much practised Science, when being a little perfected at the Theoric, he brings them to the Practic, for hanging a pair of Breeches upon a Line fastened cross the Room, a little Bell is lightly placed by the Pocket, and the young Fry commanded to take what they find in the Latter, without so much as Tinkling the Former, which if they do successfully, they have applause, and a small piece for encouragement; but if they prove Awkward, than the strappado as a Momento, for the 〈◊〉, falls to their share: But after many essays, being perfect at this, they'll give any person the insensible bite, let them be never so careful, unless like the Mayor of Queen-borough, they keep their hands in their Pockets, yet if so, they have an Art to remove them, by blowing Tobacco dust into their Eyes, instead of pretending to snuff it themselves; or sprinkling with a little small Brush a little scattering of Aquafortis upon that part of your Hand or Wrist that appears bare, if any do, and for defect of that, upon your Neck or Face, nay sometimes in your Shoes, or as opportunity gives occasion; which burning or smarting, puts the party into sudden confusion, till they have done their business, and seldom it is, but we go two together, by the Name of Budg and File, which latter is the same with the Diver, who's properly called the Filer of the Cly; and then the Budge by jostling or some other affront, creates a Quarrel, gathers a Crowd, and oft is beaten to some purpose, to give his Comrade opportunity to Dive or nip the Bung; which latter is to cut the Coat, as commonly in women, when an upper Garment obstructs the ready passage; nay having set a prize, whose Stowage by the gentle jostles, understood the Budg passes on, and at a convenient place drops Farthings, or some single pieces, and carefully begins to gather them just as the prize bears up, who straight cries halves, or at least stands gauping till the File has opportunity to do his business and File off; nay in a narrow place, but especially in the dark, the Budg will tumble down before you, and with miserable cries implore your Aid, protesting he has broke a Leg or Arm, and whilst you in compassion give him your assistance towards rearing him an end, himself will give you the flam for all your Gild, and then his Leg or Arm's as sound as any Roach, for straight away he trudges to the next Coverture. These and a Cattalogue of such like slights and dexterities the Divers use.  Disc. 
But are they not often Intercepted in the course of such deceiving?  Diu. 
Ay, and often laid up in the Whit, a place called the Stone Doublet vulgarly; but we have as many shapes as Proteous, to prevent our being known again, suiting our Habit to the place and business; sometimes we go like Country Farmers, sometimes like Ploughmen, then like Falconer or Forester, again 〈◊〉 Modish Sparks, some times demure as Quakers, and again like down right Citizens, but all will be too long to tell. And now I think on't, I must to the Thief-catcher, from whom I have my Licence, and pay my Monthly Contribution, lest he intercept me in my Ramble.  
Now in my Dream I perceived he gave the nimble Trip to the next Road, called the way of Durance, where being hotly pursued, he was run down in the Fastnesses of Stony-stay-him-there, and thence taken, sometime after was put Aboard an Upland Frigget, which wanting a Rudder, drove violently upon the Rock called Triple-Tree, and Shipwracked all his Fortunes at a cast, which put me into a Rhyming Humour, as you l Read.  
The ways of Sin are ever dangerous found,  
For Wickedness ne'er stands upon firm Ground;  
Although the Sinners way at first seems sweet,  
Yet Death and danger in the end he'll meet.  
Thus far having Ransacked many streets in vain, methought we came into a large square place, stored with swift Footed Animals, exposed to Sail where men of every Shire assembled, to expose or purchase, here thought I, we may be satisfied how matters go in every part. But Discovery perceiving I was big with such imaginations, singles me out a man that should as to the present business give me the sense of the rest; and who should this be, but monsieur le jockey, a big set Fellow, with Cheeks bloated and stretched with Oaths, much like an Northern Bagpiper; but I had not time to observe his other Excellencies, ere Discovery thus began.  Disc. 
Friend you Travel much I know from Town to Town, haunting each Fair, and wake, each Horse-race and all Inns of note. Pray have you heard of late where Honesty and Plain-dealing have taken up their quarters?  jockey. 
No not a word on't, for you must know, few places I frequent, will entertain them.  Disc. 
But perhaps you might find them Travelling on the Road or so?  jock. 
Not as I remember, or if I did, I took no notice on them, they dealing not as I suppose in Horseflesh, and I don't take notice of People upon the Road, unless I have business with them.  Disc. 
Then you have no business with those 〈…〉?  jock. 
Not in the least, none of our Profession ever had.  Disc. 
That's strange: But pray will you give a body an insight into this business, that has nothing to do with Honesty and Plain-dealing?  jock. 
If I thought you had any dealing with them, i'd deny you your request for their sakes.  Disc. 
Well, waveing that, I hope you'll be compliant, it may much advantage us.  jock. 
Ay, ay, it may so, therefore give attention.  Disc. 
I shall, and think myself Obliged for the Narration.  jock. 
It may perhaps be longer than my business may permit.  Disc. 
Therefore be as concise as you can.  jock. 
I shall. As first, he that pretends to a jockey ship, must be well stocked with Impudence, and Oaths, or he can never arrive at the height of that business. He must in the next place be furnished with false Mains, false Tales, false Ears, and false Eyes, if such be required to Beautify an old defective or diseased Horse, or to disguise one that is stolen, or has been often blown upon; he must likewise be skilled at making Artificial Snips stars and Blazes, for the reason before said; he must have Saddles with Sharp-wires in them, which as he presses forward, passing through divers holes for that purpose, may prick the Horse, and make him dance or caper, as if it proceeded from his mettlesome Temper. Then must he be dexterous at Logging a Foundered Hose with Lead, and by slitting the flank and pits of the Eyes, blow them up with a Quill as Butchers do Veal, to hide the defects of Age or bad keeping; he must likewise use to baffet a Blind Horse, whose blindness is not presently discernible; as likewise to blow Ginger and Pepper into his Eyes, that when he comes to swear him sure Sighted, he may with the least wind of his hand, hat, or noise of his switch, vantle and toss up his Head, as if he was as sharp sighted as Argus. He must have Balls of Doughty, Eggs, Malmsey and Liquorish together, with Oats boiled in new Wort, to make a Horse that is doomed to the Dogs, appear Fat on a sudden, though it being but spongy, will lose faster than it is gotten, which makes many foolishly imagine such Horses to be bewitched, when it is only the Knavery of the jockey. He must likewise have the art of pricking a dull 〈◊〉 in the Spurting place, and rub beaten Glass into the Holes, to make the Horses winch upon the least touch, that it may be thought to proceed from his mettlesome Temper. He must have the art of taking up the Fetlock vein with a Needle and a piece of Silk, so to Lame his Neighbour's Horse, that the cure being dispaired of, he may purchase him at an easy rate; as likewise to have a large stone ready to thrust into the Fundament of any Horse he likes, to make him seem by the trembling and sweeting posture it will put him into, that he is just a dying; nor can the Farrier in this cause tell what to do to him, unless he knew the cause of his Grief. These and a thousand other Dexterities calculated according to the Meridian of Knavery, are Ingredients that must go to the making of a perfect jockey; but for this time let this suffice, because I see a Chapman striking my Voucher luck, I must be gone and manage him, lest he fly off, and recant his bargain. Therefore if you seek for Honesty and Plail-dealing Friend, you must inquire some where else, for here's no room for them in these parts.  
Now I perceived in my Dream, that at the racital of so much Knavery, Discovery shook his head, and made no answer, but left this place as despairing to be furthered in his search, in the very Tents of Wickedness, and so we passed into Mercyless street, where we met a Fellow with sharp Teeth, and long Paws, Monkey Eyed, and Hawk Nosed, with the spoils of a Crabtree in his Hand, and this I understood to be a Catchpole, the very Caterpillar of the Nation; and although we knew we should not better ourselves by his communication, yet perceiving mischief in his Face, methought we were somewhat desirous of discoursing him, if but to divert him from evil purposes; and therefore Discovery put the usual Question, when at the name of Honesty and Plain-dealing, he gave a Leap, which canted him quite cross the way, crying out, I defy ye, I defy ye. Which at first made me imagine he took us for fallen Angels, but after many entreats, we brought him to a little more moderation▪ when I fancied in my Dream, that thus the talk went on.  Disc. 
Friend, are you acquainted in these parts?  Catchpole. 
Ay, I think I am: But what 〈◊〉 that pray?  Disc. 
Do you know the men I asked you for, 〈…〉 me if you do.  Catch-p. 
Pray Sir what e'er you are, forbear to ask me such a Question, for I vow I take it as no small affront.  Disc. 
Affront! as how: Pray what is offered, that may reasonably give offence?  Catch-p. 
Those you have named, call to mind past actions.  Disc. 
Do you remember them? then have you had formerly any acquaintance with them?  Catch-p. 
Yes I remember them, and put my hand to that, that ruin'd them.  Disc. 
How are they Ruined then? why sure it cannot be: But if it be so, pray tell us by what means it was effected?  Catch-p. 
Friend, though I hate to hear their Names, yet something i'll declare to give you an insight into the manner of it, that you may the better Guess the rest.  Disc. 
It will be wondefully to our purpose, pray let's lose no time.  Catch-p. 
No none to speak off, but to the purpose; having run through many a mass of Villanys, and been injurious too much to tell, I studied what undertaking yet not put in practice, could further me in being mischievous to Mankind; and in conclusion, pitched upon the High preferment of being Dubbed Knight of the Triple Tree, But upon second thought, I found in such a case, I should be Instrumental, only in dispatching Vice out of the World, by the assistance of Hatchet or Hemp.  Disc. 
And this pleased you not?  Catch-p. 
No indeed, for I was ever such a friend to it, that I wished it prosperous.  Disc. 
But to what Resolution came you next?  Catch-p. 
The very business I officiate now.  Disc. 
A Catchpole?  Catch-p. 
Yes, a Bloodsucking Catchpole.  Disc. 
How! you are not sure so desperate?  Catch-p. 
No less Sir, for being fleshed to cruelty before, I now had opportunity to put it in practice.  Disc. 
As how, let's hear a little?  Catch-p. 
Why to pass over the bribing business, putting the slip upon the Creditor, taking Fees extravagant on either side, and sending notice of a danger near, that I might live upon the spoil the longer, and be ever treated with the best; for that which I called Civility, which in the plain sense was Knavery. I took at higher Games.  Disc. 
Games, was you for Gaming too?  Catth-p. 
Ay, a very Rook at Gaming, Honesty and Plain-dealing if you find them, knows it well enough.  Disc. 
It may be so, but more's the pity, ●ut howsoever out with it.  Catch-p. 
A Volume scarely will contain particulars, therefore expect not I should stay to tell you all.  Disc. 
No, but the most material passages.  Catch-p. 
Ay, ay, the most material passages, as thus, When any Youngster had more Land than Wit, I had my Usurer at hand to daub him in the Fist with a supply of Cash, which not being paid at the time perfixed, my business was to Seize him, which put him into a peck of Troubles, as not having wherewith in present Coin to satisfy them, than would he ask me what he must do; why truly said I, there is but one way, give me Bond and Judgement, and i'll lay the Coal down. This he joyfully consents to, without defesance or any other consideration, glad at his heart that he has met with such a friend, for which I had ten Guineas in hand; but this joy's soon turned to mourning, for presently after, pretending some mistrust, I seize upon my Gentleman and his substance, keep him close from those few Friends he has, till I have rooked him of that little Patrimony he had left, at half the value, so that within a while, being turned out of all; he's forced to wander in the Land of Poverty, when not being capable of any business to support himself, he falls into such ways, as bring him frequently to a disgraceful end: Nor is this practised on the young, but those of Elder years, the labour of an Agel thus have swept away, made some hundreds miserable, and gained a plentiful subsistence on their Ruin; whilst they, their Wives and Children sighed in vain, and sought a restitution with their Tears.  Disc. 
This was something barbarous?  Catch-p. 
The more the better, such cruelty suits with my Nature best; the Music of Oppression sounds the sweetest in my Ears.  Disc. 
And was you never called to give account for this, was no notice taken on't?  Catch-p. 
Yes, and severely handled: but I got by it though, for quickly after I found a means to ruin the Complainants, by presentments, indictments, sob actions, outlawries, obtained without their privity and the like, when for attornment, Bills of Sale ensued; which swept away the small Remainder of substance.  Disc. 
But did not Conscience check you ●eitterating those inhuman Practices?  Catch-p. 
Conscience, I think you say: why Friend, i'm sorry you should be so ●ar out of the way, as to mention Conscience to me, when I have told you thus much.  Disc. 
Then you have none it seems?  Catch-p. 
You hit me to a Hair: for if I had, I had not been such a mortal Enemy to Honesty and Plain-dealing; but my business calls me hence, therefore be satisfied with what you have heard, and so I take my leave.  
Now in my Dream I perceived he had left us, and we e'en was glad he had done so for I could never hear of any one that cared for his Society after they heard his name for this man came of the Race of him, Queved● found the Devil in possession, of which made me recollect a thousand more of his disorders. The burden of which, methought so sorely pinched the Shoulders of the Poor, that their lamentable cries awoke me, and beheld it was a Dream. so rising from my recumbancy, and perceiving the Sun had made his western Throne in Clouds of Dust; I was much thoughtful, and intent on what had passed, but the day being far spent, home I returned, and entered my Closet to meditate of Various things, but most of all of what had happened, or occured to my past fancy; but as if sleep had gained this day, entire against my will, my noding front began to droop, and a dissolving seized my every part, when fancy or imagination soon became as active as before; the wandering Soul, that never yields to slumber, sported with various Ideas, fancying myself to be in a Gloomy place.  
I Dreamt, and in my Dream beheld a light much like an Exhaulation rise before me, which Glimmering a while, preed sent my old friend Discovery, at whose sight I was somewhat refreshed, though my thoughts was tired with former imaginations; but before I could ask him any question, he told me he had been taking a view of many mysterious things, and in his search met with a man in shining Raiments, who had given him a prospect of Death's Empire, and the course of Time, telling him, the day was at hand in which they should be no more, and that we were they, on whom the Ends of the World is come; wherefore he admo●●●ed, All Men every where to Repent, and ●ut away the evil of their doings, for the ●our would suddenly come, in which no Secret should be hid, and therefore advised them to walk Honestly, etc. And that leading him to an exceeding high place, he had given him a prospect of Eternity, Judgement, and many glorious things. But before he had time to mention the particulars, we were arrived at a fair Village, called the Village of Self-deceiving, yet he had so much time as to tell me the man's Name was Evangelist ere we Entered it.  
Now in my Dream I perceived this Village, though but a Village in name, might have passed for a populous City, it being every where pestered with thro●ghing Crowds of all Nations; and here it was that we rosolved to prosecute our inquiry, but found the inhabitants so self-conceited, that we began to despair of gaining instructions, for every where I perceived, they were for putting far away the Evil day, and flattered themselves, that if in the December of their Age they cast off Vice, and open their Arms to Virtue, she would then infallibly conduct them to the Celestial City, for theither I perceived they hopped to arrive in the end, though they went the contrary Road, and put off all inquiry, as to their being right 〈◊〉 wrong, till they came to the end of thei●●ace; though as I understood, ther● were Inns and Stages where Guides resid●●ed, on purpose to direct Travellers, bu● although they offered their Service without Reward, yet would it not be accepted, because these Guides would not suffer them to cast their Eyes upon the Gaudy Vanities, Flattery and Delusion had cast in the way, nor to harbour wandering thoughts, and lustful imaginations, which as I perceived, were their Darling Companions, and if they were checked for entertaining them, they would presently be Angry, and cry out, what a do do you make, the way is exceeding long, and would be tiresome without these our dear Companions, whom we intent to leave when we come near the Celestial Gate; Ay, shake them off, ere we come into the presence of the Lord of that City. And thus I understood they put it off from time to time, till in the end there was no time longer, or at least so little, that Grace having left 'em, they had not the power to shake off their worly Companions, who had Accompanied them in the whole course of their Lives, but they would along with them into the Regions of Eternity, whether they would or no; and there judgement finding them wandering in an infinite labrinth of unmesurable spaces, (for into the Celestial City they were not suffered to enter) he plunged them into everlasting Confusion, appointing them their Portion with Hippocrites and unbelievers, to bewail their past folly, to Ages without number, considering too late, that it had been better for them to have taken the Council of the Wiseman, viz. Remember thy Creator, in the days of thy Youth, etc. Then by giving themselves up to Covetousness, Extortion, Fraud, Oppression, and the like, to gain a plentiful Estate for those that should come after them, who perhaps by the in●oyment, were overwhelmed in Pride, Luxury, Uncleanness, Drunkenness, and the like, to the hazard of their Salvation or a Deathbed Repentance, which is seldom sinceir; and wonderfully questionable whether acceptable when the party is brought to a period, and in no longer a Capacity of Sinning. These considerations made me sad, and I verily persuaded myself, did men but rightly understand the Excellency of Virtue, or were not wilfully blind to the ugliness of Vice, this world would prove as happy a Paradise to us, as Eden did to our first Parents in their state of innocence. But whilst these things carried me away, perceived in my Dream, that Discovery was making observations on many antic figures, and Monuments with inscriptions, which represented in Hirogliphics, Uprightness, Truth, Honesty, Conversation, and the like, to which some of the inhabitants had great regard; but for the Major part, I perceived they minded none of 〈◊〉, except one richly Guilded. Statue inscribed Self-ends, and to him they paid their daily offerings, because as I understood, they imagined he chiefly promoted their interest in Worldly matters; here we found likewise the footsteps of Plain-dealing, which we traced till we quite lost sight of the Village of Self-deceiving, and arrived at the Foot of a high Mountain, called, Fond-Imagination, on which stood the Town of Vain-hope, and up this Mountain, divers Persons were Clambering, with might and main, some made such haste, that not taking good Footing, when near the Top, they tumbled down again unto the Valley, where falling into the Torrent of Distrust, they were violently hurried into the Lake of Dispair, and there for ever lost.  
Now in my Dream, I perceived a Person, whom I conceited I had formerly known, puffing and sweeting to gain the Ascent, which I hinting to Discovery, he told me, if I would give him the hearing, he would enter into a discourse with him. Ay, gladly said I, and thereupon we soon over took him, whose Name was Indifferency, and thus I perceived they began.  Disc. 
Friend, how far came you, that you are thus disordered with heat? it should denote you have Traveled much.  Indifferency. 
No, no Sir, not very much, I came but from the Village of Self-deceiving. That place I must confess I have lided in a long time, but it lies so low, that it gives a man no full Prospect of things at a distance.  Disc. 
And therefore you are going to inhabit the Mountain of Fond-imagination?  Ind. 
Ay, ay, the Town you see so finely Scituate, was Built by Flattery, and thither I am bend, my Materials I have sent before to be in readiness againg my arrival.  Disc. 
Your Materials: as what?  Ind. 
Why Sir, wherewithal to subsist whilst I stay here, which I don't intent shall be long.  Disc. 
But what are they pray?  Ind. 
Why Desire, and Fancy, with a considerable quantity of Deserts, made of Alms, and good turns, and indifferency in Opinion.  Disc. 
And to what purpose serve these?  Ind. 
Why to support me in the way to the Celestial City, whether I am Travelling.  Disc. 
Alas Friend, you mistake the Road, this is not the way, the Town before you●s called Vain-hope, you should have struck off to the right hand, where the ways part, and for your further instructions, have read the superscriptions on the Pyramid of Truth▪ and that would have informed you what would have brought you thither. As thus, Be faithful unto Death, and I will give you a Crown of Life.  Ind. 
Well, well, you may say what you will, but I know what I have to do I'll warr●●● you.  Disc. 
It's well if you are not deceived in the end: you say the Town before us was built by Self-flattery.  Ind. 
Yes, I do so, and yet there may lie a way through it for all that.  Disc. 
'Tis very unlikely, and almost impossible. This Self-flattery's the World, and he bult this Town of Vain-hope, to delude Travellers, by inticeing them out of the way, that in it they might be induc●●● 〈◊〉 rest themselves satisfied, upon the Fouddation of a Bare-belief, or at most a deviding the heart (which should be wholly offered to the King of the Celestial City) between him and Mammon.  Ind. 
And may not that be safely done?  Disc. 
By no means, if ever you expect to have admission into the Realms of Light.  Ind. 
Well, you may believe as you will, and i'll do as I think fit, I hope I have many Years to Travel in yet, and in the end, if I find that this is not the right way, I can leave it, a●d strike into another.  Disc. 
It may not perhaps be in your power, a sudden Tempest may overwhelm you, you may meet with Diffidence, Dispair, or Delusion, who will hinder it. Nor can you tell what time you have to Travel in, for perhaps when you imagine it to be Noon, the Sun may be setting, and so being left in the Region of Death, all things returning, will be cut off, and you'll too late find yourself out of the way. Therefore be Sober and Vigilant, lest you are surprised before you expect it.  Ind. 
Well, well, this shan't fright me from passing to the Town before me, I find your drift, you'd fain put me out of conceit with my business in the World, but that won't take i'll azure you.  Disc. 
More is the pity: But now you talk of business in the World, have you ever met with Honesty and Plain-dealing in your Travels?  Ind. 
Do they use to frequent this Road?  Disc. 
No verily, I believe not: But have you been in no other Road than this?  Ind. 
Yes divers, as Overreaching-Lane, which leads to the Town of Deceiving, Cou●ening Road, and a great part of the way towards the City of Extortion.  Disc. 
I suppose you found them not in any of these: But do you pretend to the Celestial City, and have been a● wanderer in the crooked paths that lead to the Gates of Perdition?  Ind. 
Well, Well, 'tis no matter what I pretend to: Well Sir, you may e'en mind your own business, for now I'm arrived where I would be, I shan't give you any further hearing, for every Tub must stand upon 〈◊〉 own Bottom.  
Now in my Dream, I perceived we Arrived at the Town of Vain-hope, where we found a great number of People 〈◊〉 as if they were in the greatest 〈◊〉 imaginable, every one being 〈◊〉 of his own opinion, to which they were wretchedly Wedded, by Error, Flattery, and Delusion, to whom they gave the greatest Credit imaginable, and the rather because they deceived them with false Glasses, called the Glasses of Vain-hope, which gave them a prospect of Heaven and Earth at once, promising them all the pleasures and delights of this World, and a full fruition of the next, which made them choose the broad way, that was spread with Roses, and overshaded with Gessamie, the way that leads to the Land of Perdition, and refuseth the Thorney way of Life as too tedious and troublesome; when as they fond imagined they lead to one and the same place, and so they supinely trifled out their days in a secure sloth and ease. Till in my Dream I beheld a dark Cloud arising from the Land of Obstinacy, overspread them, whereupon they laid them down to sleep, whilst the Bridegroom passed by; but being a little startled at the noise, they got up on their Feet, and attempted to follow, but being still in a thick Fog, they stumbled at every three or four steps, and in the end, fell altogether in the Lake of Fear and Amazement, where they again found those Consciences they had stifled, which now upbraided them with their neglect and folly, their slighting the Golden opportunities of Grace, Wisdorn, for trifling Vanities, spending those precious moments wherein they should have trod the paths of Righteousness, at the end of which is Eternal Life, in studying to overeach their Neighbours Circumvent, their dearest Friends, meditate revenge, and hoard up ill gotten gain, which cannot avail in the day of Death, nor the hour of Judgement; which Repremands, and severe Reflections, tormented them to that degree, that instead of looking back for succour, they rushed forward altogether, and getting out of that Lake, entered another called Hardness of Heart, in which they wilfully perished. At which whilst I was grieving, I beheld at a little distance, the Town of Presumption, to which we made with all conveniant speed, and upon our entering, observed the structures were exceeding losty, but built upon such Sandy foundations, that they were threatened by every blast of Fate, to be sunk in their own ruins. This place Self-conceit had built. As for the Inhabitants, they were so Wedded to their own opinions, that they would hearken to no instructions, yet they pretended to a right in the Celestial City, and would discourse as if they were very well acquainted with it. But I soon perceived all was but conceit, they had it seems Dreamt something on, and read the promises made by the Celestial King, but were so confident in their own strength, that they imagined they had no need of overshaddowing Grace, and the ●reat●ing of the favourite of Heaven, which made them neglect to cast away every weighty sin: That did so easily beset them, that they might be the abler to run the race. Wherefore having s●ent their days allowed, to runin a fond reliance upon their own foundations; when the Storm of Trial beat upon them, they altogether sunk into ●uine and confusion, the noise of whose fall Echoed to the Remotest part of the Universe. And now methought the day being spent, and our search! heitherto fruitless; Discovery being tired, and loath to waste his Light any further at this time in vain, bid me Adieu, and taking Wing, Glided like a Metor through the Gloomy Night, till my Eyes could follow him no further; but whilst I was wondering to what Region he was ●●ed, methought I heard a voice as the voice of a man, sayingin, He that Reads, and rightly considers these things, will be a Friend to Virtue, and a Foe to Vice. At which starting, I awoke, and found what had passed was but a Dream, yet was confirmed it might not be a little useful and advantageous to Mankind.  
FINIS.