John Dunton at the Black Raven in the Poultry over agianst the Stocks Market London— T: Catlett Sc●    

THE INFORMER'S DOOM: OR, AN Amazing and Seasonable Letter FROM UTOPIA, Directed to the Man in the MOON.  
Giving a full and pleasant Account of the Arraignment, Trial, and Condemnation, of all those grand and bitter Enemies, that disturb and molest all Kingdoms and States, throughout the Christian World.  
To which is added (as a caution to honest Countrymen) the Arraignment, Trial, and Condemnation, of the Knavery and Cheats, that are used in every particular Trade in the City of LONDON.  
Presented to the consideration of all the Tantivy-Lads and Lasses in VROPE, by a true Son of the Church of ENGLAND.  
Curiously Illustrated with about Threescore Cuts.  
Entered according to Order.  
LONDON, Printed for john Dunton, at the Black-Raven, in the Poultry, over-against Stock-market. 1683.   

THE Epistle Dedicatory TO THE CITIZENS OF LONDON.  
Gentlemen,  
YOu have here presented to your candid View, a full and impartial Account (with many other remarkable things) of the Arraignment, Trial, and Condemnation, of all those grand and bitter Enemies, that disturb all Kingdoms and States, throughout the Christian World, etc. But the Application and improvement of them is to be (if you tender your Temporal or Eternal Interest) made by you, yourselves.  
I am not Insensible that by the exposing this Book I shall expose myself too, to the censure of those who take measure of every thing by their petulant humours, and have no other way to set off ●●eir own barren Inventions, but by perpetual In●●ctives against the multitude of Books which appear every day in the World. Whereas indeed the mischiefs which they complain of have proceeded not from their number, but quality.  
For should every Man write an exact Narrative of the various Experiences and Circumstances of his Life, comprehending as well his Vices as Virtues, and have them with simplicity related, how useful would this prove to the public, tho' it would much increase the number of Books, but this so impartial an Account may rather be wished for than expected, since Men have ever preferred their own private Reputation before the real good of themselves or others.  
I have comprised this Treatise in an Eighteen Penny Book, (though considering the Cuts, it cannot be well afforded so) that as it is of real use and public concern, so it might be the better dispersed throughout this English Nation.  
I Rest, Dear Fellow-Citizens, Your most Humble Servant, PHILAGATHUS.   

AN ACCOUNT FROM UTOPIA, OF The late Famous and Remarkable Trials of all those grand and bitter Enemies that disturb and molest all Kingdoms and States throughout the Christian World.  
WHen the Assizes were in Utopia, Conscience the judge of that Country, (attended on by the Sheriff, the justices of the Peace, and such as necessarily were to be there) being seated on the Bench of Impartiality, caused the Commission of Oyer and Terminer to be Read, for the speedy Trial of all those grand and bitter Enemies that disturbed and molested that Country, and all other Kingdoms and States throughout the Christian World. And the very first that was called to the Bar, was that Grand-He-Rogue Innocent the XI. Pope of Rome.  jailer, 
set Pope Innocent the XI. to the Bar.  Pope, 
Pope, Hold up thy Hand.  
 Pope, 
Thou art here Indicted by the Name of Pope Innocent the XI. 
The Pope Arraigned and Indicted.  of the Famous City of Rome, in the Parish of Babylon; That thou being an illegitimate Son, begotten of Falsehood, Murders, Assasinations, Heresy, Paganism, judism, hast by great Violence murdered the Territories of the Church of God, and by Spanish Inquisition. bloody Massacres, stabbing, poisoning, and killing of Kings, Gun-owder Plots, Treasons, Rebellions, and other hellish Practices, usurped Authority; and thrust upon God's People their humane Traditions, Inventions, Superstitions, Will-worship, Heresies, jewish Ceremonies, add Paganish Idolatry, to the damnation of many Christian Souls, contrary to the Peace of our Sovereign Lord the King, his Crown and Dignity: What sayest thou hereunto? Art thou guilty, or not guilty?  
Not guilty my Lord.  
By whom will't thou be tried?  
By God and the Country.  
But (good my Lord) let me have a Jury of my own choosing. 
The Pope's Petition.   judge, 
Because neither thou, nor any of thy slanderous Favourites may say, that thou hast been proceeded against rigorously and unjustly, without respect to the Truth of the Cause. I am content to call a Jury of thine approbation, if here we can have so many as will make up the number.  
I humbly thank you (my good Lord) God reward your Lordship for it.  Mr. Sheriff, 
Impannel a Jury of very substantial men, the chiefest you can find, and fittest to go upon this Prisoner now at the Bar.  
My Lord, I supposed, that as he would crave, so from your Lordship's uprightness, he should obtain this Favour, therefore have I prepared a full jury to this purpose.  
It was done wisely of you (Mr. Sheriff) let them be called.  
Cryer, 
A jury against Pope Innocent.  Call in the Iury.  
1. Call Common Principles. Vous aves Common principles.  
2. Call Apostles Creed; Vous aves, The Creed.  
3. Call Second Commandment. Second Commandment, come in.  
My Lord, I cannot get in.  
What's the matter?  
My Lord (saith the Crier) the Papists keep him out.  
Command to let him in: Vous aves, the second Commandment.  
4. Call Pater noster: Vous aves, Pater noster.  
5. Call Holy Scriptures: Vous aves, Holy Scriptures.  
6. Call the Apocryphas: Vous aves, Apocryphas.  
7. Call Counsels: Vous aves, Counsels.  
8. Call Ancient Fathers for the first six hundred years after Christ: Vous aves, Ancient Fathers.  
9 Call Contradiction among themselves: Vuos aves, Contradiction.  
10. Call Absurdity of Opinion: Vous aves, Absurdity of Opinion.  
11. Call Consent of their own men: Vous Consent.  
12. Call Testimony of Martyrs: Vous aves, Testimony of Martyrs.  
Count, saith the Clerk.  
Then the Crier bids them answer to their Names.  
Common Principles, 
By these twelve means the Pope may be confuted.  one; Creed two; Commandments three; Pater noster four; Holy Scriptures five; Apocrypha, six; Counsels seven; Fathers eight; Contradiction, nine; Absurdity, ten; Consent of their own men, eleven; Testimony of Martyrs, twelve: Good men and true stand together, and hear your Charge.  
My Lord, here are some more summoned by Master Sheriff's Authority.  
Who be they Master Sheriff?  
Master Law with his Sons, Civil, Canon, Common, and Municipal.  
Well, let them attend the Court for the King's service, for use if need be.  Pope, 
If thou canst justly accept against any, I give thee leave to challenge any such of the Iury.  
Good my Lord, 
Holy Scripture is excepted against, for Papists may be confuted by their own Translation.  only one of the jury I except against, which is Holy Scripture, except it be our own Translation.  

Holy Scriptures excepted against by Pope Innocent.  
Well, saith the judge, I am content it shall be so, let it be either Montanus, or the Rhemist, or the Vulgar Edition; we desire a just Proceeding with all the indifferency that may be.  
Then the Crier called aloud; If any man can give Evidence, or can say any thing against the Prisoner at the Bar, let him come in, for he stands upon his Deliverance.  
Here is my Lord, two worthy Gentlemen, Mr. Sincerity, and Mr. Protestant.   

Mr. Sincerity and Mr. Protestant witnesses against Pope Innocent. the XI.  
Master Sincerity come near, what can you say concerning the ●●●soner at the Bar?  
My Lord, this I am able to justify: First, That he hath been a False-teacher from the beginning, fraught with Error and Heresies, teaching as the False-teachers did, such as be recorded in Scripture, if they were paralled together, as the Doctrine of Devils, 1 Tim. 4.1, 2. Traditions and Commandments of men, Matth. 1. 52. Mar. 7, 8, 9, 33. Col. 2. 22. Venial sins, Matth. 2316, 18. children's neglect of Parents for Church's profit, as they pretended, Matth. 15.5. Mark 7.11. Superstitious observation in meats and holy days, Matth. 15.11. Col. 2.16.21. Laying heavy burdens upon the people, Luke 11.46. justification by works, therewith troubling the Churches, Gal. 2.18. & 3.2. & 5.4, 12. Voluntary Religion, and Will-worship, Col. 2.4.18.23. The worship of Angels, Col. 2.18. Carnal liberty, 2 Pet. 2.19. Rev. 2.15.20. And teaching for filthy lucre, 2 Tit. 11. Thus are they, as were the false Teachers (as the Scriptures in the New Testament set them out) like in all these things.  
How like they are (my Lord) to after Heretics, learned Whitaker in his Book De Ecclesia, in the first Question, showeth in many particulars.  
Secondly (my Lord) he hath used the very same Practices which False-teachers have used; h●doth to make way for his Doctrine, Worship, and Advancement, even as they did. They played the Hypocrites in outward humility in lay Prayers and forms of Devotion, and so misled silly Women. They graced their Doctrine with show of Forefathers. They took away the Key of Knowledge, and neither would enter into life, nor suffer others. They told the people old Wives Fables, and told Lies in Hypocrisy. They used slights and cunning craftiness to deceive. They boasted of their Learning, using profane and vain babbling, and oppositions of Sciences as they termed it. They pretended Revelations, Apostolical Traditions, and alleged counterfeit Writings. They had the Prophetical Women, and deceiving Prophetesses. They had their Miracle-workers, Casters out of Devils, and Dreamers if Dreams. They would slander men's persons, and the Doctrine of faithful Teachers, and lay to their charge what they could not prove, speaking of them contemptuously, and railing on them. They boasted to be the true Church, and that by Succession they were of the Fathers. They would use fair and smoothing words, and teach with enticing words, and did strive for excellency of speech of man's wisdom to deceive. When they could not prevail by fair means, th●● they would suborn false Witnesses. They threated, beat, imprisoned, banished, and slew the faithful Teachers and Christian Believers. They would plot Conspiracies to the shedding of blood, and the Priests must be acquainted herewith beforehand, to encourage them hereto. They would make open Insurrections, and stirs up great Personages to take part with them. And what Rebellion, Treasons, Conspiracies, Insurrections, and Persecutions this Pope hath wrought, my Lord Bishop of Lincoln, hath openly discovered to the World. And this (my Lord) is not what I could, but what I thought sufficient to testify at this time, because I would not be tedious.  Mr. Sincerity, 
By this you have uttered, it is easy to see how this man hath followed, both the False-teachers in Doctrine, and the Enemies of the Gospel in their Practices. If there be any more Witnesses, let them come forth.  
Yes, my Lord, here is Mr. Protestant.  Mr. Pro●estant, 
What is it that you have to say against this Prisoner at the Bar?  
My Lord, I was commanded to be here to Day to give Evidence what I know against this man; and this I am willing to do for the Service of my Sovereign.  
This it is (my Lord) which I have to say, That this man with his Associates, hath instead of Christian Religion, set up a Service of judaism and Paganism, which I am able to prove in a multitude of Particulars; but because I am loath to be tedious in my relation, I have brought here with me Three Books, that the jury may judge of all the Particulars; or that they may be read before the Prisoner, if your Lordship shall be pleased to have it also.  
What Books, Mr. Protestant?  
My Lord, One is that, that is called the Three Conformities set our lately. The other is, De Origine Papatus, set out by one Doctor Morisin, and Dedicated to his late Majesty: And our third is, our learned Countryman, Doctor Raynolds, his Conference with Hart, never answered by any Papist to this day; who showeth how the Popish Service is like unto the jewish in very many particulars, and wherein they be more Heathenish than jewish.  
I am content to have them read, to spare your speech, touching the jewish Service.  
So having been read, the judge yet wished Mr. Protestant to declare openly, how Pagan-like the Pope is, nay, he is as bad as the Heathenish Idolaters in Israel and judah were.  
My Lord, I shall (saith Mr. Protestant) perform this task with as great brevity as I may; that this Prisoner (if it be possible) may see how wickedly he hath dealt with men's Souls, to set up instead of God's Service an Idolatrous, and Pagan-like Worship.  
These Pagans set forth God like a Man. The Idolatrous Isralites had a Queen of Heaven; they had Images of Gold and Silv●r, Brass, Iron, Wood and Stone, and some of Clay; some molten, some carved and graven, some portrayed upon Walls, and other Pictures; some were like men, Lam. 3. 1. 1 Sam. 5.3, 4. and some like women, Act. 19.27. 2 Maccab. 1.13. 1 Sam. 31.10. some like beasts (like St. George and the Dragon) Exod. 34. Wisdom. 11.15. They adorned them with silver and gold. jer. 10.4. and set Crowns upon some of their heads, covering them with costly garments, and of divers colours, Deut. 7.25. Heb. 2.19. Baruc. 6.8.9, 14, 15 29, 39, 30, 55, 58. Ezek. 16.18. Aisd. 13.14. carrying a Sceptre in the hand, or a Dagger, or an Axe, Baruc. 6.14.15. They set them up with great devotion and solemnity, with music and melody, Dan. 3.3. with singing dancing, and other delights, Exod. 32.5. They built Temples for these Images, joel, 3.5. 2 Maccab. 1.13.15. Baruch, 6.18. which were the houses of their gods, judg. 17. 4. 1 Sam. 5.2. and called them Sanctuaries, Isa. 16.12. They had Chapels for them, Amos, 7.12. Yea, they set upon tops of hills, 1 King. 14.23. 2 King. 17.10. They had them in private houses, judg. 17.18. in Chambers, Ezek. 8.12. and in secret places, Deut. 17.15. they had their pleasant Groves planted, jer. 17.2. 1 King. 14.23. 2 Cor. 15.16. 2 King. 17.10. They had their standing Pillars and Images, as the Papists their Crosses. Deut. 12.3, & 16.22. 2 King. 17.10. Leu. 16.1. These were in the head of highways, and streets of Cities, Ezek. 16.31. jer. 11.13. The multitude were alured by the gorgeous decking of them, Wis. 14.20. & 15.5, 6. Yea, they doted upon them, Ezek. 8.10, 11. They worshipped them, bowed unto them, and fell down before them, Dan. 13 2. Isa. 44.7. jos. 23.6. They would lift up their eyes unto them, Ezek. 33.25. Pray unto them 1 King. 18.26. Hab. 2.16. Isa. 44. 17. Kiss them, Host 13.2. King. 19.8. set up Candles before them, Baruch. 6.19. Make vows on them, Baruch, 6.35. and go Pilgrimage to some of them very far, jer. 51.44. expecting some miraculous cure from the Image, Baruch, 6.41. In entering into their Temples they sprinkled themselves with water. Altars they had of stone, Isa. 65.3. They used vain repetitious in their prayers, Matth. 6.7. They measured their Religion, and goodness thereof by plenty, jer. 44.7. They had their sacrificing Priests, Act. 14.13. and they were shaved Priests, Baruch, 6.31.32. Sometimes they were of the basest of the people, 1 King. 12.31. whosoever would, might for money, or for money-worth, make himself a Priest, 1 King. 12.31. 2 Chron. 13.9. And some served for base wages, judg. 17. They had their Concubines, Baruch, 6.11. Host 4.14. Some of them would wear their hair-cloaths, and torment themselves, 1 Kings 18.26.28. Zach. 13.4. and of a Devotion in a Will-worship, macerate their bodies, punishing and not sparing their bodies, Col. 2.23. Their Teachers taught for hire, Mich. 3. 11. 2 Pet. 2.13, 15. Rev. 2. Tit. 1.11. For gifts, they would promise life and peace, Ezek. 13.22. jer. 23.14, 17 In their service they had variety of music, Dan. 3. Their set holy days▪ Exod. 32. 2 King. 13. They had their holy women attending their Idol-service, Ezek. 8. ver. 14. working for them, 13.18. 2 King. 23.7. and prophesying lies Ezek. 13.22. and were great worshippers of the Queen of Heaven, jer. 7.18. & 44.19. They had also their several Gods for their several Countries, as Papists have their Saints, 2 King. 17.29 & 18.34. They would pray to these, and swear by them, jer. 57 & 12.16. Gen. 31.53. 1 King. 19, 2. 2 King. 17.35. Zep. 1.5. Some in Israel which fell to Heathenish Idolatry were like Church-Papists; for they would worship Idols, and yet go to God's House, and hear his Prophets, jer. 7.8, 10. 2 King. 17.14 Ezek. 14.3, 7, & 20. 1, 31. & 23. 29. When Idolatry was cast out of the Church (as we have done the Idolatry of Rome) the Idolaters would condemn it as an ●ll act in them, and speaking against the serving of God aright, as Papists do against us, 2 Kings, 18.22. They worshipped towards the East, Ezek. 8.16. They were very superstitious, Acts 19 They lived in very gross ignorance of the Truth, and in liberty of sinning, Isa. 44.18, 19 & 45.29. Eph. 4. 18, 19 Wisd. 14.15, 16, 17. They worshipped they knew not what, john 4.22. Their Festivals after their Idol Service they spent in Eating, Drinking, Singing, Dancing, Exod. 32.6, 18, 19 They had their Revellings and Meetings, full of Excess and Riot, 1 Pet. 4.3. And wonder at, and speak ill of such as would not be like them. They had Brothel-houses, Ezek. 16.24. 2 Kings 23.17. 1 Kings 15.12, 13. & 14.24. & 22.26. They had amongst them Conjurers, Wizards, Charmers, Observers of times, Soothsayers, Astrologers, Stargazers, and such like. To these the People resorted and consulted with, 2 Kings 21.6. 1 Sam. 5.2. 1 Chron. 10.13. Hest. 37. & 9.24. Deut. 18.14. Isa. 19.3. & 47.1213 Host 4.12 Ezek. 21. 21. jer. 8.17. Act. 8.10. They sacrificed to Nets, and burnt incense to Drags, Hab. 1. 16. They believed that some of their Images were approved of their great God from Heaven, Act. 15.35. They were cruel and bloodily minded against all that were against their Idolatry, Host 10.14. & 13. 16. 2 King. 21.15, 16. judg. 6.30. 2 Chr. 24.18.21. The Idolaters in Israel and judah brought in the Heathen, as God's plague upon them, to punish them for their Idolatry, 2 Chro. 24, 23. & 21.16, 17. & 33.11. & 30.6, 10, 17. King. 17.18. as the Papists have brought the Turks upon the Christian World by their Imagery and Idolatry, Revelations, 9 They were stupid, and without understanding in their Idol-making, and in setting them up to worship them, Isa. 44.14, 20. and so continued therein obstinate, as the Papists do. And thus have I showed what I can say (my Lord) touching the Heathenish Idolaters and their practices.  
Your evidence is so clear (Mr. Protestant) as hereby all may see how Pagan-like the Pope is in his Imagery, Priests and Temples. Is there any further evidence?  
Then stands up Mr. Attorney General; and did prove him to be guilty of high Treason, both against the Person and the Laws of his Sovereign. My Lord (saith he) this Fellow under pretence of Religion (for all must be covered with this shadow) hath set up another spiritual Head over the Church, besides Christ (even Antichrist his greatest enemy (as is sufficiently proved. He hath set up also Mediators of Intercession besides Christ; also in his rebellious pride of heart he hath exalted Man's merit, & made him a part● Saviour of himself, by satisfactory punishments, either here, or in thrir feigned Purgatory. Thus is he a Rebel, and an Abettor of Rebels against Christ.  
Again, the Law of Christ (the holy Scripture) he hath notoriously corrupted, and abused many ways.  
1. He maketh it no perfect rule.  
2. He teacheth blasphemously that the Original is corrupt, and so shaketh the Faith of all such as rest on the Scriptures.  
3. He hath added to them Man's Writings, called Apocrypha, to make them Canonical.  
4. He hath feigned a Traditional word, and equalleth the same with the Scriptures.  
5. He debarred for a long time the Translating of God's Word into a known Tongue, to keep the people from the understanding thereof.  
6. Being enforced at length to translate it, he hath of purpose done it corruptly, and with many uncouth and obscure words, hath hidden the Truth still, to keep the people in blindness.  
7. Yet this their so corrupt and obscure Translation is not admitted indifferently to all, but to some, and to those under licence, for which they pay money.  
8. These Parties, though they may read the Scriptures, yet must it be with the Pope's Spectacles, and may not see farther ●han the False-teacher pleaseth, nor conceive otherwise of the sense, than he suggesteth, though the Text be never so clear of itself.  
9 He doth blasphemously publish, that the Scriptures are a Nose of Wa●, a dead letter, sowterly Ink; dumb judges, and a black Gospel, Inky Divinity; and may have one sense one time, and another at another time, according to the Church's state and condition.  
10. They set up a corrupt Latin Translation; far as authentical as the Originals in the Hebrew and the Greek.  
11. And lastly, He brought into the Church instead of the Holy Bible, a Book of Lies to be read. Thus is the wicked Wretch guilty of High-treason against our Sovereign.  
Besides that, He hath counterfeited his Majesty's broad Seal, inventing new Sacraments, never of Christ's institution; and hath conspired and plotted the Death of innumerable multitude of his Majesty's Subjects in a most cruel and bloody manner: My Lord; he is no way longer to be endured; for we shall never be at peace, as long as he may have liberty to live, for he is a rank Traitor to our King and State, and Underminer of Religion, and the true Church of Christ, and an Enemy to our Peace and Welfare in the Commonwealth.  
Gentlemen (saith the judge) you of the jury have heard Mr. Attorneys Witness; also what both Mr. Sincerity, and Mr. Protestant have spoken against him: Now that you have heard the Evidence so fully, what say you touching the Prisoner, Is he guilty or no?  
Then the Foreman in the Name of all the rest, answereth, Guilty, my Lord.  
Whereupon the judge turneth to the Prisoner, and saith, Pope Innocent, thou hearest what grievous Iniquities, foul and filthy Abominations, Murders and Massacres have been laid to thy charge; thou hast heard the Verdict of these so learned and well-approved Gentlemen, chosen without all partiality to go upon thee: And they in their Judgements, upon their Consciences, have found thee Guilty, what canst thou say for thyself, that Sentence of Death should not be pronounced against thee?  
My Lord, the jury assuredly is corrupted by some means or other, else would they never have found me guilty; for our learned men have cited many of these in my behalf, and therefore I appeal from them to a General Council, for the trial of their Honesty in this Verdict.  
Upon this lewd Surmise, and brazenfaced Accusation, all the jury fell a murmuring, being much grieved to be taxed of Faithlesness and Perjury. So the worshipful Gentlemen, the justices and Mr. Sheriff began to speak in their behalf, but the judge standing up, stayed them, and made answer for them.  judge, 
To be brief with thee, Thou art shamelessly impudent to accuse these worthy Gentlemen, for justly proceeding according to the clear Evidence to thy face. For thy learned men, they have only cited the Names of some of these, but without their knowledge or consent. Yea, many Testimonies they bring under their Names, which indeed are proved to be Counterfeits, abusing their unadvised Readers in their unjust defence of thee. As for thy Appeal to a General Council, it is but to set a good face upon an ill Cause; for thou knowest that we have long desired a Free General Council? but not a gathering together, like the lewd Convention of Trent.  
But art thou not ashamed to conceit the bringing of these men's verdict to the trial? we must by them be tried, and not they by us. But what canst thou try the Principles of Religion? Wilt thou deny them? Must Fathers, Councils, Scriptures, and all be brought under our judgements? Thou hadst no cause to tax the Jury, if any had been in fault, it should have been the Witnesses; but canst thou tax Mr. Sincerity of lying, or Mr. Protestant of falsehood? As for Mr. Attorney, his speech is no mor● than your own words, writings, and practice do testify.  
Hear therefore thy Sentence, justly deserved before God and men.  judge, 
Thou hast been Indicted by the Name of Pope Innocent, of all these former Treasons, Rebellions, Conspiracies, Gun-powder-plots, Murders, Massacres, Falsehoods, Heresies, Judaisme, and Paganism, and of that thy detestable Idolatry; and for the same hast been arraigned: Thou hast pleaded Not guilty, hast put thyself upon the Trial, and being found guilty, having no more to say for thyself, this is the Law.  
That thou the M●ster of Iniquity, with the old Ser●ent, calleed the Devil, or Satan, thy Father with thy lewd Mother that great Whore, drunk with the blood of the Martyr's of jesus, which sitteth upon a Scarlet coloured Beast; as also with that false Prophet, the Son of Perdition, thy Guide and Governor, shall be cast alive where the Dragon is, into the Lake of Fire, burning with Brimstore, there to be tormented with all the marked Ones in the presence of the holy Angels, and in the presence of the Lamb, without rest day and night, the smoke of which Torment shall ascend up for ever and for ever, without mercy or hope of redemption.  
And so Orders came to the jailer, that he should be Executed out of hand.   

The Execution of Pope Innocent the XI.  
 
And so the Judge and Court commanded Mr. Implacable a Justice of the Peace in Utopia to be set to the Bar.  jailer, 
Set Justice Implacable to the Bar.   

justice's Implacable holds up his hand to the Bar.  
 

His Indictment.  Judge, 
justice's Implacable, Thou art here Indicted by the Name of justice Implacable, In the Parish of Goodness-spight; for that perniciously and sinfully thou hast maintained and asserted, That no Moderation ought to be showed to them that differ from thee, in those things which thou thyself callest Indifferent, and this thou hast done in contempt of that Sacred Word, which says, Let your moderation be shown unto all men. And also, that thou art a man of no good Principles, but a perfect hater of all Pious men, be they of what Persuasion they will. And also, that thou makest dai●y Commotions and Divisions where ever thou comest.   

Implacable's Answer.  
Then Implacable answered and said, That he w●s in no respect guilty of those Crimes that were laid to his Charge: And said, As for Disturbances I make none, being myself a man of Peace, and therefore I defy any man for what he can do against me; I fear not Belzebu● himself, no nor all the raging-roaring Devils in Hell.   

Proclamation was made.  
Then Proclamation was made, That they that had aught to say for the Lord the King against the Prisoner at the Bar, should forthwith appear and give in their Evidence; so there came in three Witnesses, Mr. Moderation, Mr. Heal-breach, and Mr. Quiet. They were then asked, if they knew the Prisoner at the Bar, and what they had to say for their Lord the King against him.   

Moderation begins.  
Then stood forth Mr. Moderation, and said to this effect,  
My Lord, I have known this man a long time, and will attest upon my Oath before this Honourable Bench, That he is—  Iu●ge, 
Hold, give him his Oath; so they swore him: Then he said, My Lord. This man, not withstanding what he hath said, is a wicked F●llow; nay, his very Name shows him to be so, he is, as I can call in several Neighbours to attest, one of the vilest men in our Country, he neither regardeth Prince nor People, Law nor Gospel, Civility nor Custom; but doth all that he came to possess all men with certain of his disloyal Notions; and in particular, I heard him once myself affirm, that the true Religion was diametrically o posite to his daily practice: By which saving, my Lord, he doth at once not only condemn all laudable Things, but us in the doing of them.  judge, 
Then did the judge say to him, Hast thou any more to say.  
Moderation, My Lord, I could say much more, only I would not be tedious to the Court; yet, if need be, when the other Gentlemen have given in their Evidence, rather than any thing shall be wanting that will dispatch him, I will enlarge my Testimony against him: So he was bid stand by. Then they called Mr. Heal-breach, and bid him look upon the Prisoner: They also asked, What he could say for their Lord the King against him? Then they swore him; so he began.  Mr. Heal-breach, 
My Lord, I have no great acquaintance with this man, nor do I desire to have farther knowledge of him; However this I know, That he is a very pestilent Fellow, from some discourse that the other day I had with him in this Town; for then talking with him, I heard him say, That our Religion was naught, and such by which a man could by no means please God: which saying of his, my Lord, your Lordship very well knows, what necessarily thence will follow; to wit, That we still do worship in vain, are yet in our sins, and finally shall be damned. And my Lord, he cannot endure a faithful Minister in his Parish. and to be sure, if he knows where such an one preaches, he forthwith sends for a Constable, commanding of him to take him and carry him away to Prison. And my Lord, he stands Mr. Constable ready to attest what I now say.    

Mr. Constable ready to attest against justice Implacable.  
 
Then was Mr. Quiet sworn, and bid say what he knew, in behalf of the Lord the King, against the Prisoner at the Bar.  

Mr. Quiets Testimony.  Mr. Quiet, 
My Lord and you Gentlemen all, This Fellow I have known of a long time, and have heard him speak things that ought not to be spo●e. He rails daily against Mr. Belief, Mr. True-heart, Mr. Upright, Mr. Hatebad, Mr. Love-God, Mr. See Truth, Mr. Moderate, Mr. Good-work, Mr. Humble, Mr. Seriousness, and against all that are friends to these worthy persons. And he hath said moreover, That if all men were of his mind, if possible, there is not one of these Gentlemen should have any longer a being in this Town; Besides he hath not been afraid to rail on you my Lord,, who are now appointed to be his judge, calling you an ungodly Villain, with many other such like vilifying terms, with which he hath bespattered most of the Gentry of our Town.  
When Mr. Quiet had told his Tale, the judge directed his Speech to the Prisoner at the Bar; saying, Thou Runagate, Heretic, and Traitor, hast thou heard what these honest Gentlemen have witnessed against thee?  
Implacable, May I speak a few words in my own defence?  jude, 
Sirrah, Sirrah, Thou deservest to live no longer, but to be slain immediately upon the place; yet that all men may see our Gentleness towards thee, though thou art violent towards others; Let us hear what thou vile Runagate hast to say.   

Implacable's last Speech.  
My Lord, I must confess that I am not altogether free from breaking the Laws, from Violence and Passion; but yet, good my Lord, for this once, save my life, but if you will not, the Lord have mercy upon my Soul.   

The judge's Speech to the Iury.  
Then the judge called to the jury (who all this while stood by, to hear and observe;) Gentlemen of the jury, you see this man about whom so great an uproathath been made in this Town; you have also heard what these worthy Gentlemen have witnessed against him; also you have heard his Reply and Confession: It lieth now in your breast to hang him, or save his life, therefore do as your judge meet.  
As soon as ever the judge had ended his Speech to the jury, Mr. Huff a Corporal came into the Court, and said, That if his Lordship pleased to hear his Evidence, he had much to say for the Prisoner at the Bar.    

Mr. Huff a Corporal takes Implacable's part.  
 
But the judge told him, That he looked like a swaggering Fellow, and therefore he and the jury should give no credit to what he said.  
Then went the jury out, whose Names were, Mr. Love-good, Mr. Patience, Mr. Hate-lust, Mr. Livewell, Mr. Low-mind, Mr. Hate-lyes, Mr. Love-light, Mr. Heavenly-mind, Mr. Zealous for God, Mr. Meek-heart, Mr. Piety, Mr. Fidelity: And every one gave in his private Verdict against him among themselves, and afterwards unanimously concluded to bring him in guilty before the judge. And first among themselves, Mr. Love-good the Foreman, said, I see clearly that this man is an Heretic. Then said Mr. Patience, Away with such a Fellow from the Earth. Ay, said Mr. Hate-lust, for I hate the very looks of him. Then said Mr. Livewell, I could never endure him. Nor I said Mr. Low-mind, for he would always be condemning my way. Hang him, hang him, said Mr. Hate-lyes. A sorry Scrub, said Mr. Love-light. My heart riseth against him, said Mr. Heavenly-mind. He is a Rogue, said Mr. Zeal for God. Hanging is too good for him, said Mr. Meek-heart. Let's dispatch him out of the way, said Mr. Piety. Then said Mr. Fidelity, Might I have all the world given me, I could not be reconciled to him; therefore let us forthwith bring him in guilty of death.   

A Spy set a work by Mr. Implacable.  
 
Besides, yonder stands a Spy, one that he set to watch Sincere Christians, for fear they should serve God, and he not having timely notice to disturb them, that can tell more of his Tricks; but we have enough against him without his Evidence.  
And so he was presently condemned, to be had from the place where he was, to the place from whence he came, and there to be hanged.  
They therefore brought him out to be hanged. Thus came Implacable to his end.  
And 'twas observed by some, that there stood a Chariot and a couple of Horses behind the rejoicing multitude that went to see Implacable hanged) to post away his Soul to Hell.   

Mr. Implacable posting to Hell.  
 
As soon as ever his body was dead, they opened it, and found in his belly twelve Informers, whose Names were as followeth; Viz. Mr. No-good, Mr. Malice, Mr. Lovelack, Mr. Live-loose, Mr. Heady, Mr. High-mind, Mr. Enmity, Mr. Liar, Mr. Cruelty, Mr. Hate-light, Mr. Falsity, and Mr. Uncharitable. And in his Heart they found (to their greater amazement) Mr. Hotspur the Constastble, Mr. Envy-good the chief Informer in Utopia, and Mr. Violence an Headborough (one that was Brother to Mr. Implacable the Justice) whose Trials follow next in order. So Mr. Hotspur was first set to the Bar.   

Mr. Hotspur the Constable holding up his hand at the Bar.  
Then said the Clerk,  Hotspur, 
Hold up thy hand, Thou art indicted by the name of Hotspur, For that thou hast wickedly taught and maintained that there is no God, and so no heed to be taken to Serious Religion. This thou hast done against the being, honour, and glory of the King, and against the peace and safety of the Kingdom. What sayest thou? Art thou guilty of this Indictment, or not?  Hotspur, 
Not guilty.  Cryer, 
Call Mr. Honesty, Mr. Vouch-truth, and Mr. Hate-rogue into the Court.  
So they were called, and they appeared.  Clerk, 
Then said the Clerk, You t●e Witnesses for the King, look upon the Prisoner at the Bar, Do you know him?   

Mr. Honesty giving in his Testimony.  
 
Then said Master Honesty, Yes, my Lord, we know him, his name is Hotspur, he has been a very pestilent Fellow for many years in this Country.  Clerk, 
You are sure you know him?  Honesty, 
Know him! Yes, my Lord, I have heretofore too often been in his company, to be at this time ignorant of him. He is a Tantivy Hotspur, the Son of a Tantivy Hotspur, I knew his Grandfather, and his Father, his Brethren, and his Sisters.  Clerk, 
Well said, He standeth here indicted by the name of Hotspur, etc. and is charged, that he hath maintained and taught that there is no God, and so no heed need be taken to any Religion: What say you the King's Witnesses, to this? is he guilty or not?  Honestly. 
My Lord, I and he were once in Villains-Lane together, and he at that time did briskly talk of divers Opinions, and then and there I heard him say, That for his part he did believe that there was no God. But, said he, I can profess one, and be Religious too, if the company I am in, and the circumstances of other things, said he, shall put me upon it.  Clerk. 
You are sure you heard him say thus.  Vouch-Truth. 
Upon mine Oath, I heard him say thus.  
Then said the Clerk, Mr. Vouch-Truth, What say you to the King's judges, touching the Prisoner at the Bar?   

Mr. Vouch-Truth, giving in his Testimony.  
 Vouch-Truth. 
My Lord, I formerly was a great Companion of his, (for the which I now repent me) and I have often heard him say, and that with great stomachfulness, that he believed there was neither God, Angel, nor Spirit.  Cler. 
Where did you hear him say so?  Vouch-Truth. 
In Blackmouth-lane, and Blas●hemers-row, and in many other places besides, in the Country of Utopia.  Cler. 
Have you much knowledge of him?  Vouch-Truth. 
I know him to be a Rascal, the Son of a Rascal, and an horrible Man, to deny a Deity; his Father's Name was Never be good, and he had more Children than this Hotspur. I have no more to say.  Clerk. 
Mr. Hate-Rogue, look upon the Prisoner at the Bar, do you know him?  Hate-Rogue. 
My Lord, this Hotspur is one of the vilest wretches that ever I came near, or had to do with in my Life. I have heard him say that there is no God, I have heard him say that there is no World to come, no Sin, nor Punishment hereafter: and moreover, I have heard him say, That 'twas as good to go to a Whore-house, as to go and hear a Sermon in a Meetinghouse.  Cler. 
Where did you hear him say these things?  Hate-Rogue. 
In Drunkards-row, just at Rascal-Lanes-end, at a house in which Mr. Impiety lived. Besides, he doth Devilishly and Traitorously practise evil things, and say filthy words: He says it is lawful and profitable to a Man to give way to his Carnal desires, and that for his part, he never will deny himself of any sinful delight, as long as his Name is Hotspur.   

Mr. Hotspur pleading on his Knees.  
 
Then said Mr. Hotspur, being on his Knees, My Lord, I am a Man of high birth, and have been used to a pleasures and pastimes of greatness. I have not been wont to be snubed for my doings, but have been left to follow my will as if it were Law. And it seems strange to me that I should this day be called into Question for that, that not only I, but many Men, do either secretly or openly countenance.  Cler. 
Sir, we concern not ourselves with your greatness (for the higher, the better you should have been) but we are concerned, and so are you now, about an Indictment preferred against you. How say you, are you guilty of it, or not?  Hotspur. 
Not guilty.  Clerk. 
Cryer, call up more Witnesses to stand forth, and give their Evidence.  Cryer. 
Gentlemen, you the rest of the Witnesses for the King, come in and give in your Evidence for Our Lord the King, against the Prisoner at the Bar.   

Mr. Will-do giving in his Testimony at the Bar.  
 Clerk. 
Come Mr. Will-do, look upon the Prisoner at the Bar, do you know him?  Well-do. 
Yes, my Lord, I know him?  Clerk. 
What's his Name?  Well-do 
His name is Hotspur, he was the Son of one Beastly, and his Mother bore him in Flesh-street; she was one Evil-concupiscences Daughter. I knew all the Generation of them.  Cler. 
Well said, You have here heard his Indictment, what say you to it, is he guilty of those things charged against him, or no?  Well-do, 
My Lord, he has as he saith, been a great man indeed; and greater in Wickedness than by Pedigree, more than a thousand-fold.  Cler. 
But what do you know of his particular Actions. and especially with reference to his Indictment?  Well-do, 
I know him to be a Swearer, a Liar, a Sabbath-breaker; I know him to be a Fornicator, and an unclean Person; I know him to be guilty of abundance of Evils. He has been to my knowledge a very filthy man.  Cler. 
But where did he use to commit his wickedness, in some private corners, or was he more open and shameless?  Well-do, 
All the Town over, my Lord.  Cler. 
Come Mr. Good-deed, what have you to say for our Lord the King against the Prisoner at the Bar?  
Good-deed, My Lord, all that the first Witness has said I know to be true, and a great deal more besides.  Cler. 
Mr. Hotspur, do you hear what these three other Gentlemen say?  Hotspur, 
I was ever of Opinion that the happiest life that a man could live on earth, was to keep himself from nothing that he desired in the World, and Idefie them all.   

Several Constables rush in to rescue Mr. Hotspur  
 
As soon as he had said so, he calls several other Constables, for his rescue perceving, it would go ill on his side, but they were kept out o'th' Court.  Court. 
Then said the Court, There hath proceeded enough from his own mouth to lay him open to condemnation, wherefore set him by Jailer, and set Mr. Envy-good the chief Informer in this Country to the 〈◊〉.   

Envy-good set to the Bar.  Cler. 
Mr. Envy-good, Thou art here Indicted by the name of Mr. Envy-good (an Informer in Utopia) for that thou dost wickedly, illegaly and unseasonably, disturb all good men, where they live; and dost instigate others to do the same; and wilt sooner inform against a good Preacher than a Bawdy-house, a Drunkad, or a Swearer  
Then said Envy-good, I am guilty of no such thing, what I do I do out of Conscience.  Court. 
Then said the Court, the man as you see is incorrigible, he is for maintaining his Villainies by stoutness of words, and his Rebellion with impudent confidence.  
Then said Envy-good, Gentlemen, and at this time my Judges, as to the Indictment by which I stand of several Crimes accused before you; pray attribute my Crimes to mine Age, and not to my wilfulness; to the craziness of my Brain, and not to the carelessness of my Mind, and then I hope I may by your charity, be excused from great punishment, though I be guilty.  
Then said the Court, Thy Crimes were not simply of frailty, but of purpose, and for that thou didst loath to keep virtuous things in thy mind. What was bad thou couldst retain, but what was good thou couldst not abide to think of, thy Age therefore, and thy pretended Craziness, thou makest use of to blind the Court withal, and as a cloak to cover thy Knavery. But let us hear what the Witnesses have to say for the King against the Prisoner at the Bar, is he guilty of this Indictment or no?  Mr. Integrity, 
My Lord, I have heard this Envy-good, the Informer, say, That he could never abide to think of goodness, no not for a quarter o●an hour and he lives next door to the Sign of the Conscience feared with an hot Iron.  Cler. 
Mr. Peaceable, what can you say for our Lord the King, against the Prisoner at the Bar?  
My Lord, I know this man well, he is a Knave, the son of a Knave? he is the scum and froth of the Earth, and a perfect runagate; his Father's name was Love-bad, and as for him I have often heard him say, that he counted the very thoughts of goodness the most burdensome thing in the World.  Clerk. 
Where have you heard him say these words?  Mr. Peaceable. 
In Flesh-lane, right opposite to the Church.  
Then said the Clerk, Come Mr. Love the Peace, give in your Evidence concerning the Prisoner at the Bar, about that for which he stands here, indicted before this honourable Court.  Love the Peace, 
My Lord, I have heard him often say, he had rather think of the vilest thing, than of what is contained in the Holy Scriptures.  Clerk. 
Where did you hear him say such grievous words?  Love the Peace, 
Where I in a great many places? particularly in Nauseous street, in the house of one Shameless, and in Fi●thlane, at the sign of the Resprobate, next door to the Descent into the pit.  Envy-good, 
My Lord, I never knew what remorse or sorrow meant in all my life; I am impenetrable, I care for no man, nor can I be pierced with men's Griefs, their Groans will not enter into my heart; whomever I mischief, whomever I wrong, to me it is music, when to others mourning, therefore 'tis that I love, not the Scriptures, therefore pray my Lord acquit me.   

A Ghost appears to Mr. Envy-good publicly.  
As he was thus speaking, an affrighting Ghost appears to him in the Court, and says that Hell groaned for Him, and guilty he was  
But Gentlemen, and you now appointed to be my Judges, I deny that my name is Envy-good, and if your Honours shall please to send for any that do intimately know me, or for the Midwife that laid my Mother of me, or for the Gossips that was at my Christening, they will any, or all of them, prove that my name is not Envy-good. Wherefore I cannot plead to this Indictment, for as much as my name is not inserted therein, and as is my true name, so also are my conditions. I was always a man that loved to live at quiet, and what I loved myself, that I thought others might love also. Wherefore when I saw any of my Neighbours to labour under a disquieted mind, I endeavoured to help them what I could, and instances of this good temper of mine, many I could give: As  
First, When ever I saw any to be disquieted in Utopia, I presently sought out means to get them quiet again  
2. When the ways of the old World, and of Sodom, were in fashion; if any thing happened to molest those that were for the customs of those times, I laboured to make them quiet again, and to cause them to act without molestation.  
3. To come nearer home, if in Utopia I saw any troubled for sin, I endeavoured by someway, device, invention or other, to labour to bring them to peace again.  
Wherefore, since I have been always a man of so virtuous a temper, as some say a peacemaker is, and if a peacemaker be so deserving a man, as some have been bold to attest he is, then let me, gentlemans, be accounted by you, who have a great name for Justice and Equity, for a man that deserveth not this inhuman way of treatment, but liberty, and also a licence to seek damage of those that have been my accusers.  
Then said the Clerk, Cryer, make a Proclamation.  
Cryer, O Yes, for as much as the Prisoner at the Bar hath denied his name to be that which is mentioned in the Indictment, the Court requireth that if there be any in this place, that can give information to the Court of the orginal and right name of the Prisoner, they would come forth and give in their Evidence for the Prisoner stands upon his own innocency.  
Then came two into the Court and desired that they might have leave to speak what they knew concerning the Prisoner at the Bar: The name of the one was Find-right, and the name of the other Telltruth; so the Court demanded of these men, if they knew the Prisoner, and what they could say concerning him, for he stands, said they, upon his own Vindication?  
Then said Mr. Find-right, My Lord, I—  Court. 
Hold, Give him his Oath, than they swore him. So he proceeded.  Find-right. 
My Lord, I know, and have known this Man from a Child, and can attest that his name is Envy-good; I knew his Father, whose dame was Mr. Dissembler, and his Mother before she was married, was Mrs. Hypocrite.   

Mr. Envy-goods Mother, used often to chuck him under the Chin, and play with him, to encourage him in his bad practices.  
 
called by the name of Mrs. Hippocrite, and these two when they came together, lived not long without this Son, and when he was born, they called his name Envy-good. I was his Playfellow, only I was somewhat older than he; and when his Mother did use to call him home from his play, she used to say Envy-good, Envy-good, come home quick, or I'll fetch you. Yea, I knew him when he sucked; and though I was then but little, yet I can remember that when his Mother did use to sit at the door with him, or did play with him in her Arms, she would call him twenty times together, chucking him under the Chin, My little Envy-good, my pretty Envy-good, and O my sweet Rogue E●vy-good; and again, O my little bird Envy-good; and how do I love my Child! The Gossiips also know it is thus, though he has the face to deny it in open Court.  
Then Mr. Telltruth was called upon to speak what he knew of him. So they swore him.  
Then said Mr. Telltruth, My Lord, all that the former Witness hath said is true; his name is Envy-good, the Son of Mr. Dislembler, and of Mrs. Hippocrite his mother. And I have in former times seen him angry with those that have called him any thing else but Envy-good, for h● would say, that all such did mock and nickname him, but this was in the time when Mr. Envy-good was a great man, and when the Informers were the bravest men in Vto ●id.  Court. 
Gentlemen, you have heard what these two men have sworn against the Prisoner at the Bar: and now Mr. Envy-good to you, You have denied your name to be Envy-good, yet you see that these honest men have sworn that that is your name. As to your Plea, in that you are quité besides the matter of your Indictment, you have pleaded for yourself, is, that you have denied your name, etc. but here you see we have Witnesses to prove that you are the man.  
For the peace that you so much boast of making among your Neighbours; know, that peace that is not a companion of truth and holiness, but that which is without this foundation, is grounded upon a lie, and is both deceitful and damnable: thy Plea therefore has not delivered thee from what by the Indictment thou art charged with, but rather it doth fasten all upon thee.  
But thou shalt have very fair play; let us call the Witnesses that are to testify, as ●o matter of fact, and see what they have to say for our Lord the King against the Prisoner at the Bar.  Clerk 
Mr. Peaceable, What say you for our Lord the King, against the Prisoner at the Bar.  Peaceable, 
My Lord, This man hath of a long time made it, to my knowledge, his business to keep Utopia in a sinful quietness in the midst of all her lewdness, filthiness, and turmoils; and hath said, and that in my hearing, Come, come, let us fly from all trouble on what ground soever it comes, and let us be for a quiet and peaceable life, though it wanteth a good foundation.  Clerk. 
Come Mr. Love the Peace, what have you to say?  Love the Peace, 
My Lord, I have heard him say, That peace, though in a way of unrighteousness, is better than trouble with truth.  Clerk. 
Where did you hear him say this?  Love the peace, 
I heard him say it in Folly-yard, at the house of one Mr. Simple, next door to the sign of the Self-deceiver. Yea, he hath said this to my knowledge twenty times in that place. Besides, he sets himself to deface, and untterly to spoil all the remainders of goodness in Utopia.  Clerk. 
Mr. Envy-good, How could you have the face to plead, Not guilty, when you are manifestly the Doer of so much wickedness?  Envy-good, 
Sir, I thought I must say something, and as my name is, so I speak: I have been advantaged by lies before now, and did not know but by speaking lies, I might have reaped the same benefit now.  Clerk. 
Set him by jailer, and set Mr. Violence the Headborough to the Bar.   

Mr. Violence the Headborough brought to the Bar.  
 Mr. Violence, 
thou art here Indicted by the name of Violence, for that thou dost most traitorously and wickedly shut up all bowels of compassion to the Ministers of Christ: And for that thou dost hale and rout them from place to place, and dost at all times fly from those thoughts that had in them a tendency to lead thee to repentance. What sayst thou to this Indictment? Guilty or not guilty?  
Not guilty of Violence, my Lord, I'll assure you.  Clerk. 
Call for the Witnesses: What say you the Witnesses to this Prisoner?  Mr. Know-much, 
My Lord, his Name is Violence, so he hath writ himself in all Papers of concerns where he has had to do. But these Violent-men love to counterfeit their Names: Mr. Avarice covers himself with the name of Frugality, or the like; Mr. Flaunting can when need is, call himself Mr. Piety, or the like, and so of all the rest of them.  Clerk. 
Mr. Sober, what say you?  Sober, 
His name is Violence, my Lord; I have known him from a Child, and he hath done all that wickedness whereof he stands charged in the Indictment; but there is a company of men that are not acquainted with the danger of damning, therefore make no bones of cursing and damning, and lying.   

Mr. Violence kills a man, and pleads he did it in his passion.  
 Violence, 
My Lord. I have always been a man of Courage and Valour, and have not used, when under the greatest clouds, to sneak or hang down the head like a bulrush: And though t' other day I killed a man, 'twas in passion, and therefore it is I am thus accused.  
'Tis true, I did not use to consider who was my Foe, nor what the cause was in which I was engaged. 'Twas enough to me if I carried it bravely, fought like a man, and came off like a Victor. Therefore my Lord, let me be acquitted.  Court. 
Mr. Violence, You are not here Indicted for that you have been a valiant man, nor for ●our courage and stoutness in times of distress, but for that you have made use of this your pretended valour to draw men into acts of rebellion both against Peace and Love. This is the crime and the thing wherewith thou art charged within the Indictment. But he made no answer to that.  
Now when the Court had thus far proceeded against the Prisoners at the Bar, than they put them over to the Verdict of their Jury, to whom they did apply themselves after this manner.  
Gentlemen of the jury, You have been here, and have seen these men; you have heard their Indictments, their Pleas, and what the Witnesses have testified against them. Now what remains, is, that you do forthwith withdraw yourselves to some place, where without confusion you may consider of what Verdict in a way of truth and righteousness you ought to bring in for the King against them, and so bring it in accordingly.  
Then the jury, to wit, Mr. Prudent, Mr. Harmless, Mr. Good-heed, Mr. Christian, Mr. Love-worth, Mr. Free-love, Mr. Temperate, Mr. Hope-well, Mr. Compassion, Mr. Merciful, Mr. Self-denial, Mr. Love the peace, withdrew themselves in order to their work: And when they were shut up by themselves, they fell to discourse among themselves in order to the drawing up of their Verdict.  
And thus Mr. Prudent, for he was the Foreman, began: Gentlemen, quoth he, for the men, the Prisoners at the Bar; for my part I believe they all deserve death. Very right, said Mr. Harmless, I am wholly of your opinion: O what a mercy is it, said Mr. Good-heed, that such Villains as these are apprehended! Ai, ai, said Mr. Christian, this is one of the joyfullest days that ever I saw in my life. Then said Mr. Love-worth, I know that if we judge them to death, our Verdict shall stand. Nor do I at all question it, said Mr. Free-love, He said moreover, When all such Beasts as these are cast out of Utopia, what a goodly Country will it be then! Then said Mr. Temperate, it is not my manner to pass my judgement with rashness, but for these their Crimes are so notorious, and the Witness so palpable, that that man must be wilfully blind who saith, the Prisoners ought not to die. Blessed be God, said Mr. Hope-well, that the Traitors are in safe custody. And I join with you in this upon my bare knees, said Mr. Compassion. I am glad also, said Mr. Merciful. Then said the warm man, and true hearted Mr. Self-denial, Cut the●●off, they have been the plague, and have sought the destruction of Utopia, and the Protestant World.  
Thus therefore being all agreed in their Verdict, they come instantly into the Court.  Clerk. 
Gentlemen of the jury, answer all to your Names, Mr. Prudent, Mr. Harmless, Mr. Good-heed, Mr. Christian, Mr Love-worth, Mr. Free-love, Mr. Temperate, Mr. Hope-well, Mr. Compassion, Mr. Merciful, Mr. Self-denial, Mr. Vouch-truth, twelve: Good men and true, stand together in your Verdict; are you all agreed?  Iury. 
Yes my Lord.  Clerk. 
Who shall speak for you?  Iury. 
Our Foreman.  Clerk. 
You the Gentlemen of the jury being Impanelled for our Lord the King, to serve here in a matter of life and death, ha●e ●eard the trials of each of these men the Prisoners at the Bar: What say you? Are they guilty of that, and those Crimes for which they stand here Indicted; or are they not guilty?  Foreman, 
Guilty my Lord.  Clerk. 
Look to your Prisoner, Jailer.  
This was done in the morning, and in the afternoon they received the Sentence of death according to the Law.  
The jailer therefore having received such a Charge, put them all in the inward Prison, to preserve them there till the day of Execution, which was to be the next day in the morning.  
After all these Trials were over, there came then Constables into the Court puffing and blowing, with all the several distinct sorts of Witches that were in Utopia. And the chief Constable told the judge, that he had Orders to bring those Withces that were there in the Court before his Lordship, that they might be tried for their lives. When the Constable had done speaking, the judge commanded the jailer to set them to the Bar, and they were accordingly set to the Bar, and their Indictment was read, which was this.  

(VIZ.) The several Names given to Witches.  
Holt, jarmara, Vinegar-Tom, Sack and Sugar, and you old Hag with your four mps, Elem●uzer, Pyewacket, Perk in the Crown, Grizzel Greedig●t, etc. Hold up your hands, and hear your Charge; so they all held up their hands whilst their Indictment was read. Which was;  
You whose Names are now called over, are Indicted and Arraigned, for that you are all notorious and malicious Witches, and make it your constant trade to bewitch Men, Women, and Children, Cows, Horses, Sheep, Oxen, and every thing besides that disturbs or molests you in the least punctilio; and that you are the Verminie of the place where you live, and disturbers of the whole Kingdom of Utopia.  
As soon as ever the Indictment was read, they all cried out unanimously, Not guilty my Lord,; so the judge ordered the Witnesses to be called in, and said, they should (to make short work of it) be all tried at the Bar together: Then there came into the Court Mr. Witch-f●nder General, Mr. Hate-device, and Mr. Spy-Imp, and said, They could prove all the Prisoners at the Bar guilty of heinous Crimes and Offences, and that they were real Witches.    

Mr. Witchfinder General stands up and gives in his Testimony.  
 
With that Mr. Witchfinder General told the judge, he could say much against the Prisoners at the Bar, and if his Lordship pleased, would begin to declare what he had to say.  judge, 
Pray Mr. Witchfinder let's hear then what you can say against the Prisoners.  Mr. Witchfinder General, 
my Lord, than first as to Vinegar-Tom, He is a Witch in grain.  

Vinegar-Tom's Effigies.  
He is one that can transform himself into all shapes, (all infallible sign of a Witch) Sometimes he appears to me like a long-legged Greyhound, with an head like an Ox, a long Tail, and broad Eyes; sometimes he transforms himself into the shape of a Child of four years old; sometimes into the shape of an old Woman sitting upon a green Pitcher, and then straight-ways vanisheth away, and this I have seen him do often.  judge. 
I pray Sir, how gained you the knowledge of these things.  Mr. Witchfinder, 
my Lord, I never traveled far for it, for there was twelve or thirteen Witches in the Town where I lived, who with abundance of Witches from adjacent parts, met every Friday-night at my house, and had there several solemn Sacrifices offered to the Devil, among whom Vinegar-Tom was chief.  judge, 
Was Vinegar-Tom (as you call him) used to have a Teat or hard bunch of flesh under his Armpits to demonstrate him a Witch.  Mr. Witchfinder, 
Yes my Lord, he had, and at those Teats his Imps Tog-raggin, Baconface, Long-tayl, Mungrell-nose, and Will-tellus, were used every Night to suck.  Mr. Recorder, 
Of what nature are those Teats, Mr. Witchfinder, they are most commonly insensible, and feel neither Pin, Needle, or Awl, if you thrust them through; these Teats have their frequent mutations, and variations, sometimes of one colour, and sometimes of another; sometimes higher, and sometimes lower; sometimes big, and sometimes little.  Mr. Attorney Ceneral, 
Pray Mr Witchfinder, How comes it to pass, that the Devil being a Spirit (and so consequentially wanting no Nutriment or Sustentation, should desire to suck any blood; and indeed as he is a Spirit he cannot draw any excressences, having neither flesh nor bone, and cannot be felt.  Mr. Witchfinder, 
He seeks not their blood, as if he could not subfist without that Nourishment, but he often repairs to them and gets it, the more to aggravate the Witches Damnation, and to put her in mind of her Covenant; and as he is a Spirit and Prince of the Air, he appears to them in any shape, what he pleases, which shape is assumed by him through joining of condenced thickened air together; and by this means 'tis, he doth assume the shapes of many Creatures; but to create any thing, he cannot do it, it is only proper to C. The Devil also useth the Organs of that body he assumes to speak withal, to make his compact up with the Witches.  judge, 
I pray Sir resolve me in one thing (now we are upon the trial of Witches) and that is this; viz. Is it a truth that Witches will swim like a Duck, if they are flung (tied by the Thumbs) into a Pond of Water.  Witchfinder General, 
my Lord, It is a real truth. and the reason is this, because Witches deny their Baptism, when they covenant with the Devil, and Water being the sole Element of Baptism, when they be heaved into the Water, the Water refuseth to receive them into her bosom, they being such miscreants to deny their Baptism but causeth them to float on the top of it; and this was likewise King james his Opinion.  judge. 
One Question more I pray resolve me, and that is this, What is the reason that Witches, when they are called either Whores or Thiev●●▪ or any other bad names, are so ready to wring their hands, and cry out with abundance of tears, running, usually, to some justice of the Peace to complain of the wrong that is done unto them; and when they are accused of this damnable sin of Witchcraft, they never alter their countenances, nor let so much as one tear fall.  Witchfinder, 
My Lord, The reason of this is because the Devil hath so hardened their hearts, that they look upon their Heaven-daring sin, of giving up their Souls to the Devil, but as a small thing; but they think the approbious name of Whore and Thief, will spoil their credit amongst men; and therefore they are more concerned for that.  judge, 
Well Sir, You may now stand by, for you have very well satisfied us of the nature of Witches in general; and you have likewise proved satisfactorily, that Vinegar-Tom is a real Witch. But before we proceed to pass Sentence, we will hear what the other two Witnesses, Mr. Hate-devil, and Mr. Spy-imp, have likewise to say against Vinegar-Tom, Sack and Sugar, News jarmara, Holt the old Hag, and her four Imps, Illemauzer; Pyewacket, Peck in the Crown, and Griezel Greedigut, etc.    

Mr. Hate-devil stands up and speaks to the judge.  
 Mr. Hate-devil, 
My Lord, Mr. Witchfinder General having said enough against Vinegar-Tom, to prove him a Witch, and worthy of death, I pass him by, and shall only give in my Testimony against Sack and Sugar, News jarmara, etc. And in a word, my Lord, They are notorious Witches all, and deserve Death (and seeing, my Lord, that the Sacred Scripture says, That thou shalt not suffer a Witch to live, I hope your Lordship will sentence them all to Death.  
But, my Lord, to come to particulars, they had all of them (as my Brother Spy-Imp can tell) an hand in bewitching several men and women, and an whole herd of cattle in this Country; and besides, they can, like Vinegar-Tom, transform themselves into all shapes at pleasure.   

Spy-Imp confirms Hate-devils Testimony.  
 
Then stood up Mr. Spy-Imp, and told the judge, that he knew what Mr. Hate-devil had attested against the Prisoners at the Bar was really a truth; and for his own part, he could say no more but what had been said, and what had been said he would swear too, if his Lordship desired it.   

The old Hag stands up and answers for herself, confessing her Imps Names to the Judge, and the reason how she come to turn Witch.  Hag. 
My Lord, I must confess I am a Witch, and have several Imps, whose Names are Illemauzer, Pyewacket, Peck in the Crown, Griezel Greedigut; but I hope your Lordship will spare my life.  
The reason why some become Witches.  
Because I had never been a Witch had not Poverty come upon me like an armed man. and that continuing, filled my mind with discontent; and in that discontented humuor, the Devil striking in, told me, if I would give up myself to him, I should not want as long as I lived. Oh, p●ay my Lord, therefore spare me, spare me, for I had never been a Witch had it not been for Poverty! Poverty! Poverty! and a discontented mind.  
When she had done speaking, up sta●●●   

Holt speaks to the Judge, and as she speaks her Imp Scondrel comes and licks her Fingers.  
 
And likewise begged of the judge that her Life might be spared, adding withal, that if the judge would forgive her, she would confess to his Lordship, The Cheats and Delusions the Devil imposeth upon Witches, and many other remarkable things. When she had done speaking, the judge told her, He could not save her life, but if she would make any Confession, he would not put her to so severe Death as she deserved both by the Law of God and Man.  

Holt makes large Confessions of the Wiles of the Devil.  Holt, 
My Lord, (to begin then) The Devil doth (as I now can tell by dreadful experience) often play th● Deluder and Impostor with Witches, in persuading them that they are the cause of such and such a Murder, and that he hope them in the effecting of it, when indeed neither he nor they had any hand in it: And he being of long standing, above six thousand years, must needs be a great Scholar in all knowledges of Arts and Tongues, and so have the best skill in Physic, judgement in Physiognomy, and knowledge of what Disease is reigning or predominant in this or that man's body, (and so for cattle too) by reason of his long experience. This subtle Tempter knowing such a man liable to some sudden disease, (as by experience I have found) As Pleurisy, Imposthume, etc. he resorts to divers Witches; If they know the man, he seeks to make a difference between the Witches and the party, it may be by telling them he hath threatened to have them very shortly searched, and so hanged for Witches; then they all consult with Satan to save themselves, and Satan stands ready prepared.  

The Devil's Speech to the Witches.  
What will you have me to do for you, my dear and nearest children, covenanted and compacted with me in my hellish league, and sealed with your blood, my delicate firebrand-darlings.   
Oh thou (say they) that at the first didst promise to save us thy Servants from any of our deadly Enemy's discovery, and didst promise to avenge and slay all those, we pleased, that did offend us; Murder that Wretch suddenly who threatens the downfall of your loyal Subjects. He than promiseth to effect it: Next news is heard, the party is dead; he comes to the Witch, and gets a world of reverence, credence, and respect for his power and activeness, when and indeed the Disease kills the party, not the Witch, nor the Devil, (only the Devil knew that such a Disease was predominant) and the Witch aggravates her damnation by her familiarity and consent to the Devil, and so comes likewise in compass of the Laws. This is Satan's usual i●postring and deluding, but not his constant course of proceeding, for He and the Witch do mishief too much.  judge, 
Hold, hold, set her by jailer, she hath discovered enough to make the whole Court to tremble, and my heart to bleed. As soon as ever she was commanded back to Prison, in order to suffer Death, The judge order the jury to examine Sack and Sugar, News and jarmara, with the rest of that vast company of Witches that were then in the jailers custody; but as they were coming into the Court, the jailer accidentally looking back, they took the opportunity (fearing the Fate of those that went before) and vanished all away.    

Sack and Sugar, Jarmara, News, vanish out of the Court with the rest of the Witches that had not been examined, and it was feared they would multiply to a new brood of Witches in Utopia.  
 
As soon as ever the judge perceived this unhappy accident, he commanded immediately that the jury should be impanelled, that Verdict forthwith might be given upon those that were yet in custody; and accordingly there was a very honest jury impanelled, who within half an hours time brought in the Verdict, That Vinegar-Tom, Holt, the old Hag, with her four Imps, Illemauzar, Pyewacket, Perk in the Crown, Griezzel Greedigut, & were Witches and grand Criminals, and deserved Death.  
The judge passes Sentence upon the Witches.  
And so the judge past Sentence upon them all, which Sentence was this: Viz.  
You Vinegar-Tom, Holt, old Hag, with your four Imps, etc. shall return from the place whence you came, and from thence he dragged upon an Hurled to the chiefest Street in Utopia, there to be buried alive in the midday, that all may see your sin and folly, and fly for ever, the first thought that ever shall dare to enter into their minds of making Contracts with a deceitful Devil.  
After the Trial of Witches, Mrs. Badwife (otherwise called Mrs. Tittle-tattle, or Prate-to-fast, was ordered to be set to the Bar.   

Mrs. Badwife holding up her hand to the Bar.  
 

Her Indictment read by the judge himself.  judge. 
Mrs. Badwife, You are here Indicted by the name of Mrs. Badwife (or Prate-to-fast) in the Parish of Gossipping, For that you by your daily Junketings, Revel, Merry-making, and for your proud and vainglorious twattling and boasting, are a stain and blemish to Womankind, and a scandal to the place where you live, and a Plaque and Curse to your poor contented Husband.  
What say you Mrs. Badwife, are you guilty of such irregular actions, yea or no.  
She denies the Crimes laid to her charge.  Mrs. Badwife, 
My Lord and please you, I am no ways guilty of what is here laid to my charge, for I regulate my life and domestic affairs, with unspeakable prudence, discretion, and modesty, and never was suspected to be of a gossipping temper, or juncke●ting humour, and love my dear-contented husband as I love my own life.  
When she had pleaded Not guilty, the King's Attorney stood up and made the following Speech; Viz.  
My Lord, and you Gentlemen of the jury, My opinion is, that there is little heed to be given to the Assertions of any of the Female Sex (and none at all to what Mrs. Badwife avoucheth in her own behalf. Alas, the Devil knew when he first adventured to sting the woman, and tempt her as the weaker vessel, what a rare Piece he had to deal with, naturally apt to all mischiefs and folly, he knew she was ready to affect all his Plots and purposes, and that she would leap at any opportunity, by which she might disturb the Fabric of the whole Creation, and bring the World into a woeful desolation: Nay, do but observe the Devil's after-works since the Fall, and you'll see in all ages he hath made use of the Female Sex to achieve and compass his chiefest Plots and Designs in former times, who were the Engines in Kings, Princes, and Nobleman's Courts, to beget and maintain Vice and Folly, but the Daughters of Eve; And besides, if all things are not according to their will, there is no peace in Court or Country, and how frequently do the lascivious sort of them undo men of all sorts and degrees, whilst bewitched with their Syren-tongues, they enchant them and their Estates, Souls and Bodies unto utter desolation.  
Then were the Witnesses called out, which were, Mrs. Good-huswifry, Mrs. Nimble, Mrs. Timely-up, Mrs. Chaste, and Mrs. Ever-doing.  judge, 
Well Mrs. Good-huswifry, what can you say concerning the Prisoner?    

Mrs. Good-houswifry giving in her Testimony against Mrs Badwife.  
 Mrs. Good-houswifry, 
My Lord, this wicked woman Mrs. Badwife, keeps holy Exercises out of her house, she never takes car● to have her Children instructed, she approveth of niggardly house-keeping, she breedeth much contention where she liveth, and is hated by all the honest Neigbourhood. My Lord, she makes it her business to go from house to house to gossip and idle away her time; And now 'tis the property of a Good wife to set up a Sail according to the Keel of her husband's Estate; I believe, my Lord, in a little time she will bring her husband (good man) with sorrow to the Grave. But because other Witnesses stand here by me, I will trouble your Lordship with no more Complaints at present.   

Mrs. Nimble giving in her 〈◊〉.  
 
So Mrs. Nimble stood up and said, My Lord, This Prisoner Mrs. Badwife is a person not fit to live, for we had in the Town where I lived a company of very good Neighbours, whose Names were Mrs. Amity, Mrs. Kindness, Mrs. Gentleness, Mrs. Love, Mrs. Peace, Mrs Charity, Mrs. Ready-good-will, Mrs. Good-turn, with many other such persons, etc. but as soon as ever she came, she routed them all by her ill example, and in their room she brought in Mr. Naked; Mr. Discord, Mr. Niggardliness, Mr. Strife, Mr. Deceit, Mr. High-mindedness, and Mr. makebate; Therefore my Lord, my judgement is, she ought to suffer Death, or be banished quite out of Utopia.   

Mrs. Timely-up giving in her Testimony.  
 
As soon as Mrs. Nimble had done complaining, up stands Mrs. Timely-up, and said, my Lord, I have much to say against Mrs. Badwife, and if your Lordship pleases I will begin to speak.  Judge, 
Ay— pray Mrs. Timely-up begin then.  Mrs. Timely-up, 
My Lord, this Mrs. Badwife hath forced all Hospitality out of door, and in his stead (at the backdoor) hath let in Pride of Apparel, sumptuous Buildings, affectation of vain Titles, and Madam Ambition.  Judge, 
D●d you know her before her marriage?  Mrs. Timely-up, 
Yes my Lord, I knew her and her husband both before they were married.  judge. 
What kind of man was her husband.  Mrs. T.U. 
He was a Leather-seller & a very honest man, and one of an incomparable good humour; when he was a Bachelor, I could not come to his house, but it was presently, Dear Friend, (for I was first cousin to him) How do you, Good morrow, Good-even, I am glad to see you well, will you sit down and eat; Be not so strange in my house, but take it for your own. for I am yours at command: But now since he's married, poor contented man, he dares hardly speak to his friends, when they come to see him, and a wink and a nod, is an high favour from him; my Lord, she spoils all that come near her. Besides, my Lord, she is of a most froward and peevish temper, and her husband (do what he can) can never please her. Sometimes her clothes are not find enough, her Diet sweet enough, her house sumptuous and brave enough, her husband's friends kind enough, and sometimes again she loves not the City, but must have her Countryhouse, forsooth, and an hundred things more she ails every hour of the day. But my Lord, I confess I could not forbear laughing at a passage I saw t'other day between her husband and she.  judge, 
What was it, speak out, that the whole Conrt may hear   

Her Husband strives to make her better, but in vain.  
 Mrs. Timely-up, 
My Lord, It 'twas this t'other day as I went by her house, I accidently peeped in at the window, and there I saw her husband bespeaking of her after this manner, Pray my love, my dear, my sweating, my chick, my child, my honey, my life, my joy, (with an hundred more such endearing expressions) Be not angry, be not displeased, ask what ever tho● wilt, thou shalt have it, if that thou wilt but let me live at quiet: But, my Lord, for all this kind carriage of her husband, she called him Rogue, Rascal, Knave, and bid him be gone, for she could never live at quiet for him, my Lord, I believe she'll quickly break his heart.  
When she had ended her speech, Mrs. Badwife stands up and desired that Mrs. Slack, Mrs. Slothful, Mrs. Careless, Mrs. Wastful, Mrs. Goose-belly, Mrs. Toss-pot Mrs. Wayward, Mrs. Love-bed, Mrs. Drowsy, Mrs. Light-finger, Madam Go-gay, Mrs. Wanderer, Mrs. Spendal, her Witnesses might be called into the Court to speak in her behalf but the Judge stood up and said, That the Court would give no heed to the Evidence of such persons, except she had any better, for he said, their very Names bespoke them sorry persons.  

The Sentence upon Mrs. Badwife.  
Then said the Judge to the Prisoner, hold up thy hand and hear thy Sentence, viz. You shall return to the place from whence you came, and from thence be Carted to the Great Ducking-stool that is in this Town, and there shall you sit (in the presence of all the women in Utopia for a warning to them) tell you expire out your poisonous and infectious breath.    

Mrs. Badwife put into a Ducking-stool to suffer Death.  
 
Soon after the Execution of these Malefactors, the Judge in a great Passion, commanded Sir john Fraud to be set to the Bar.   

Sir john Fraud set to the Bar.  
 
That so likewise the Knavery of all Trades and Professions might be publicly Discovered, Arraigned, and Legally Condemned; so he was set to the Bar, and his Indictment read: which was this; viz.  

His INDICTMENT.  Sir John Fraud, 
Thou art here Indicted by the Name of Sir John Fraud, for that thou art an Upstart, come out of Italy, begot of Pride, nursed up by Wicked Consciences, (and brought into this Country by thy Father the Devil) that thou art a Raiser of Rents, an Enemy to this Kingdom, and hast insinuated thyself into all Trades, Estates and Professions throughout the Christian World.  
When the Indictment was read, the whole Court laughed, and clapped their hands for joy, saying, they hoped now they should see all Roguery come to light: And the Judge spoke as follows to the Prisoner;  judge. 
Sir john Fraud, Art thou Guilty, or not Guilty of these Misdemeanours laid to thy Charge?  Prisoner. 
Not Guilty, my Lord: And I desire to have a Jury impanelled, and then no doubt but the Verdict will be given on my side.    

The First he desired for one of his Jury was a Pricklouse Taylor.  
 
As he was thus speaking to the Judge, he saw coming down a Hill afar off, a brave dapper Dick, quaintly attired in Velvet and Satin, and a Cloak of cloth rash, with a Cambric Ruff as smoothly set, and he as neatly spunged, as if he had been a Bridegroom; only he guessed by his pace afar off, he should be a Tailor; his head was holden up so pert, & his legs shackle-hammed, as if his Knees had been laced to his Thighs with Points. Coming more near indeed, he spied a tailor's Morice-pike on his Breast, a Spanish Needle, and then he fitted his Salutations, not to his Suits, but to his Trade, and encountered him by a threadbare Courtesy, as if he had not known him, and asked him of what Occupation he was? A Tailor, quoth he, Marry then my Friend, quoth he, you are the more welcome; for I must be tried for my Life; the Matter is come to an Issue, there must a Jury be impanelled upon me, and I would desire and entreat you to be one of the Quest.  

The judge likes not the Man.  
Not so, quoth the Judge, I challenge him; for I know he cheats with Silk, Lace, Cloth of Gold, of Silver, and such costly Stuff, to welt, guard, whip, stitch, edge, face, and draw out, that the Vails of one Velvet Breech amounts to I know not what: And I know there is no Tailor so precise, but he can play the Cook, and lick his own Fingers; though he look up to Heaven, yet he can cast large Shreds of such rich Stuff into Hell under his Shopboard. Besides, he sets down like the Clerk of the Chancery, a large Bill of Reckonings, which because he keeps long in his pocket, he so powders for stinking, that the young upstart that needs it, feels it salt in his stomach for a month after. Beside, Knavery hath much advanced him; for whereas in my time he was counted but Goodman Taylor, now he is grown to be called a Merchant, or Gentleman, Merchant-Taylor, giving Arms, and the Holy Lamb in his Crest, where before he had no other Cognizance but a plain Spanish Needle, with a Welsh Cricket on the top; since than his Gain is so great, and his Honour so advanced by Knavery, I will not tr●●t his Conscience, neither shall he come upon your Jury.  
Indeed you have some reason, quoth the Prisoner, to except against him; but perhaps the Tailor doth this upon mere Devotion, to punish Pride; and having no other Authority, nor Mean●, thinks it best to pinch them by the Purse, and make them pay well, as to ask them twice so much Silk, Lace, and other stuff as would suffice, and yet to overreach my young Master with a Bill of Reckonings, that will make him scratch where it itcheth not. Herein I hold the Tailor for a necessary Member, to teach young Novices the way to weeping Cross; that when they have wasted what their Fathers left them by Pride, they may grow sparing and humble by inferred Poverty; and by this reason the Tailor after his fashion exalteth the poor, and pulleth down the proud; for of a wealthy Esquires Son, he makes a threadbare Beggar; and of a scornful Tailor, he sets up an upstart scurvy Gentleman. Yet seeing My Lord, you have made a reasonable Challenge to him, the Tailor shall be none of the Quest.    

The Next he desired for a Juryman, was a Broker.  
 
As Sir john bade the Tailor stand by, there was coming along the Valley towards him a square set Fellow, well fed, and as briskly apparelled, in a black Taffeta Doublet, and a 'spence Leather ●erken, with Crystal Buttons, a Clook faced afore with Velvet, and a Coventry Cap of the finest wool, his Face something Ruby Blush, Cherry-cheeked, like a shred of Scarlet, or a little darker, like the Lees of old Claret Wine, a Nose, autem Nose, purpled preciously with Pearl and Stone, like a counterfeit work, and between the filthy Reumicast of his blood-shotten Snowt, there appeared small Holes, whereat Worms Heads peeped, as if they meant by their appearance to preach and show the ●Antiquity and Aucieutry of his House.  
This fiery-faced Churl had upon his fingers as many Gold Rings as would furnish a Goldsmith's Shop, or beseem a Pander of loug Profession to wear. Wondering what Companion this should be, he enquired of what Occupation he was? Marry Sir, quoth he, a Broker: Why do you ask? have you any Pawns at my House? No, quoth he, nor never will have; but the reason is, to have you upon a Jury.  

The Attorney General starts up.  
At this word starts up the Attorney General, and swore he should be none of the Quest, for he would Challenge him; for this base Churl, says he, is one of the Moths of the Commonwealth: beside, he is a spoil of young Gentlemen, a bloodsucker of the poor, as thirsty as a Horse leech, that will never leave drinking while he burst; a knave that hath interest in the Leaves of forty Bawdy-houses, a receiver for Lists, and a dishonourable supporter for Cutpurses. To conclude, he was gotten by an Incubus, a He Devil, and brought forth by an overworn refuse, that had spent her youth under the ruins of Bawbies Barn.  
Moreover this Villain is the Devil's Factor, sent from Hell to torment young Gentlemen upon Earth? he hath fetched me over in his time, only in pawns, in ten thousand pound in gold. Suppose that Gentlemen through their liberal minds may want that I need, money: let me come to him with a pawn worth ten pound, he will not lend upon it above three pound, and he will have a Bill of sale, and twelve pence in the pound for every month, so that it comes to sixteen pence, and the Bill must be renewed monthly: and if you break but your day set down in the Bill of sale, your pawn is lost, as full bought and sold, you turned out of your Goods, and he an unconscionable gainer. Suppose the best, you keep your day, yet paying sixteen pence a month for twenty shillings, you pay as good for the loan as fourscore in the hundred: is not this monstrous exacting upon Gentlemen? Beside, the Knave will be diligently attending and waiting at dicing Houses, where we are at play, and there he is ready to lend the loser money upon Rings, and Chains, Apparel, or any other good pawn, but the poor Gentleman pays so dear for the Lavender it is laid up in, that if it lie long at a Brookers-house, he seems to buy his apparel twice. Nay, this worm easten wr●tch hath deeper pit falls yet to trap Youth in. For he being acquainted with a young Gentleman of fair living, in issue of good Parents, or assured possibility, soothes him in his monstrous expenses, and says, he carries the mind of a Gentleman, promising if he want, he shall not lack for a hundred pound or two, if the Gentleman need. Then hath my Broker an Usurer at hand, as ill as himself, and he brings the money, but they tie the poor Soul in such Darbies bands, what with receiving ill Commodities, and forfeitures upon the band, that they dub him Sir john Had-land before they leave him, and share like Wolves the poor novices wealth betwixt them as a prey. He is (Sir) to be brief, a bowzie, bawdy Miser, good for none but himself, and his trugg; a Carl that hath a filthy Carcase without a Conscience, a body of a man, wherein an Infernal spirit, instead of a Soul, doth inhabit: the scum of the seven deadly sins, an Enemy to all good minds, a devourer of young Gentlemen, and to conclude, my mortal Enemy, and therefore admit of my challenge, and let him be none of the Jury. Moreover, were not Brokers bad, there would be less filching, and fewer Thiefs; for they receive all is brought them, and buy that for a Crown, that is worth twenty shillings. desire of gain binds their Conscience, and they care not how it be come by, so they buy it cheap. Beside, they extort upon the poor, that are enforced through extreme want to pawn their clothes and household stuff, their Pewder and Brass; and if poor souls that labour hard, miss but a day, the base-minded Broker takes the forfeit, without remorse or pity: It was not so in Diebus illis. I have known of late, when a poor Woman laid a silver Thimble, that was sent her from her friends for a Token, to pawn for six pence, and the Broker made her pay a half penny a week for it, which comes to two shillings a year for six pence; sith than his Conscience is so bad, let him be shuffled out amongst the Knaves, for a discarded Card, and so the Broker was put by,    

A Barber, a Surgeon and an Apothecary summoned to be of the Jury.  
 
When the Broker was gone Three pert Youths come up cl●se to Sir john in a cluster very nea●ly typed, who questioning them what they were? the one said he was a Barber, the other a Chirurgeon, and the third an Apothecary. How like you of these (quoth Si● john to the Judge) shall they be of my jury? Of the Jury, (quoth the judge) never a One, by my consent; for I challenge them all.  
And first the B●rber, he cannot be but a partial man, ●ith he gets more by one time dressing of the judge than by ten times dressing of me: I come plain to be polled, and 〈…〉, ●eard cut, and pay him two pence: The Judge he sits down in the chair wrapped in fine Clothes, as though the Barber were about to make him a footclothe for the Vicar of Saint fools: Then begins he to take his Scissors in his hand, and his comb, and so to snap with them as if he meant to give a warning to all the Lice in his nitty Locks for to prepare themselves, for the day of their destruction was at hand, then comes he out with his Fustian Eloquence, and making a low congee, saith Sir, will you have your Worship's Hair cut after the Italian manner, short and round, and then frounced with the curling Irons, to make it look like a half Moon in a Mist? or like a Spaniard, long at the ears, and curled like to the two ends of an old cast Periwig? or will you be Frenchifyed with a Love-lock down to your shoulders, wherein you may wear your Mistress Favour? the English cut is base, and Gentlemen scorn it, novelty is dainty: speak the word, Sir, my Scissors are ready to execute your Worships will. His head being once dressed, which requires in combing and rubbing some two hours, he comes to the Basin: then being curiously washed with no worse than a Camphire ball, he descends as low as his beard, and asketh whether he pleaseth to be shaved or no? whether he will have his Peake cut short & sharp, amiable like an Inamorato, or broad pendant like a Spade, to be terrible, like a Warrior and a Soldado? whether he will have his crates cut low like a Juniper bush, or his Suberches taken away with a Razor? if it be his pleasure to have his appendices primed, or his Mouchaches sostred, to turn about his ears like the branches of a Vine, or cut down to the lip with the Italian Lash to make him look like a half faced Bouby in Brass? These acquaint Terms the Barber greets the Gallant withal, and at every word a snap with his Scissors, and a cringe with his knee; whereas when he comes to the poor man, he either cuts his beard at his own pleasure, or else in disdain asks him if he will be trimmed round like the half of a Holland Cheese, mocking of him; for this his Knavery, my will is of him, he shall be none of the Jury.  
For you Mr. Surgeon the Statutes of England exempt you from being of any Quest; and beside, alas, I seldom fall into your hands as being quiet, and making no brawls to have wounds or sores, neither do I frequent Whorehouses to catch the Marbles, and so to grow your Patient: I know you not, and therefore I appeal to the Statute, you shall have nothing to do with this matter.  
And for you Mr. Apothecary, alas, I look not once in seven year into your Shop, without it be to buy a pennyworth of wormseed to give my child to drink; or a little Treacle to drive out the Measles, or perhaps some dregs or powders, to make my sick horse a drench withal; but for myself, if I be ill at ease, I take Kitchen Physic, I make my Wife my Doctor, and my Garden my Apothecary's Shop, whereas the Town Fops cannot have a Fart awry, but he must have his Purgations, Pills, and Glisters, or evacuate by Electuaries; he must, if the least spot of Morphew come on his face, have his Oil of Tartar, his Lac Virgins, his Camphire dissolved in Verjuice, to make the Fool as fair forsooth, as if he were to play Maid-Marian in a May-game or Morris-dance: tush, he cannot digest his Meat without Conserves, nor end his Meal without Suckats; if Sir john hap to have a stinking Breath, then forsooth the Apothecary must play the Perfumer to make it sweet; nay, what is it about him, that blameth not Nature for framing, and formeth it anew by Art? And in all this, who but Monsieur the Apothecary? therefore, pray Sir, (quoth the Jury) let those three, as partial companions, be packing.   

The next desired for a Juryman, was a Lawyer by S●. Dunstan's Church.  
 
Assoon as these were packed off, there comes stalking down from a neighbouring Grove an ancient grave Sir, in a black Velvet Coat, and a black Cloth Gown, welted and faced, and after him, as he supposed, four Servingman, the most ill-favoured Knaves he thought as ever he saw; one of them had on a Buff-leather Jerkin, all greasy before with the droppings of Beer, that fell from his Beard; and by his side a Skein like a Brewer's Bung-knife, and muffled he was in a Cloak turned over his Nose, as though he had been ashamed to show his Face. The second had a Belly like a Bucking-tub, and a threadbare black coat unbuttoned before upon the Breast, whereon the Map of Drunkenness was drawn, with the bawdy and bowsie excrements that dropped from his filthy leaking mouth. The third was a long lean old slavering slangril, with a Brazil staff in one hand, and a whipcord in the other; so purblind, that he had like to have stumbled upon the company before he saw them. The fourth was a 〈◊〉 Chaff, with a sour look, in a black 〈◊〉 faced with Taffeta, and by his side a great side Pouch like a Falconer: For their Faces, all four seemed to be Brethren, they were so bombasted with the flocks of strong Beer, and lined with the Lees of old Sack, that they looked like four blown Bladders painted over with red Ochre, or washed over with the Suds of an old stale Die. All these, as well the Master, as the following Mates, would have passed away, but that he stepped before them, and enquired first of the foremost what he was? Marry, quoth lie, a Lawyer. Then Sir, quoth he, we have a Matter in controvers●ie that requires Counsel, and you are the more welcome. Marry, said he, I am to be Tried for my Life, and I would have you of my Jury: At this the Lawyer smiled, but said nothing; he marvelled he was not so well as the Surgeon, exempted by an Act of Parliament, from being of any Quest; since as the Surgeon was without pity, so he was without conscience; But presently Mr. Attorney stepped in, and made his Challenge, saying, the Lawyer was never friend to Honesty; for when Lowliness, Neighbourhood and Hospitality lived in England, Westminster-hall was a Dining-Chamber, not a Den of Controversies, when the Duke, Earl, Lord, Knight, Gentleman and Esquire aimed at Virtue, not Pride; and wore such Breeches as was spun in his house; then the Lawyer was a simple man, and in the highest degree was but a bare Scrivener, except Judges of the Land, which took in hand serious matters, as Treasons, Murders, Felonies, and such Capital Offences, but seldom were there any Pleas put in, before the proud Lawyer, for his Maintenance, invented strange Controversies; and since he began to domineer in England, he hath buzzed such a proud, busy, covetous and encroaching humour upon every man's Head, that Lawyers are grown to be one of the chief Limbs of the Commonwealth; for they do now adays de lana cana caprina rixari, go to Law if a Hen do but scrape in a Neighbour's Orchard; but howsoever Right be, Might carries away the Verdict: If a poor man sue a Gentleman, why he shoots up to the Sky, and the Arrow falls on his own head; howsoever the Cause go, the weakest is thrust to the wall. Lawyers are troubled with the heat of the Liver, which makes the palms of their hands so hot, that they cannot be cooled, unless they be rubbed with the Oil of Angels; but the poor man that gives but his bare Fee, or perhaps pleads in for●●a pauperis, he hunteth for Hares with a Tabor, and gropeth in the dark to find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay: tush, these Lawyers have such delatory and foreign Pleas, such Dormers, such Quibs and Quiddits, that beggaring their Clients, thy purchase to themselves whole Lordships; it booteth not men to discourse their little Conscience, & great Extortion, only let this suffice, they be not so rich as they be bad, and yet they be not too wealthy. I inveigh not against Law, nor honest Lawyers, for there be some well qualified; but against extorting Ambodexters that wring the poor; and because I know not whether this be such an one or no, I challenge him; he shall not be of the Jury. Why then (quoth Sir john) his Worship may depart.   

A Sergeant desired on the jury  
 
Sir john questioned what he in the Buff-Jerkin was? Marry (quoth he) I am a Sergeant, Sir john. He had no sooner said so, but Sir john leaped back, and drawing his Rapier, he did not only challenge him for his Jury, but protested if he strid one foot toward him, he would make him eat a piece of his Po●●ard. And what is the reason (quoth he) that there is such mortal hatred betwixt you and the Sergeant? O Sir, (quoth the Judge) search him, and I warrant you, the Knave hath Precept upon on Precept to arrest me, hath worn his Mace smooth, with only clapping it on my Shoulder; he hath had me under Coram so often. Oh the Reprobate is the Usurer's Executioner to bring such honest Gentlemen to Limbo, Sir john, as he hath overthrown with his base Brocage, and bad Commodities; and as you see him a fat Knave with a foggy face, wherein a Cup of old Sack hath set a Seal, to mark the bowsie Drunkard to die of the Dropsy, so his Conscience is consumed, and his Heart robbed of all remorse and pity, that for Money he will betray his own Father; for will a Cormorant but set him to arrest a young Gentleman, the Rakehell will be so eager to catch him, as a Dog to take a Bear by the ears in Paris Garden, and when he hath laid hold upon him, he useth him as courteously as a Butcher's Cur would do an Oxe-cheek when he is hungry; if he see the Gentleman hath Money in his Purse, then strait with a Cap and Knee he carries him to the Tavern, and bids him send for some of his Friends to Bail him; but first he Covenants to have some brace of Angels for his pains; and besides he calls in for Wine greedily: But suppose the Gentleman wants Pence, he will either have a Pawn, or else drag him to the Counter, without respect of Manhood or Honesty. I should spend the whole day with displaying his villainies; therefore briefly let this suffice, he was never made for any goodness, but his slovenly carcase was framed by the Devil, of the rotten Carrion of a Wolf, and his Soul of an Usurer's damned Ghost, turned out of Hell, into his Body, to do monstrous wickedness upon the Earth; so that he shall be none of the Jury, neither shall he come nearer than the length of my Rapier will suffer him.  
Indeed, quoth Sir john, generally Sergeants be bad, but there be amongst them some honest men, that will do their duties with lawful favour; for to say truth, if Sergeants were not, how should men come by their Debts? Marry they are so cruel in their Office, that if they arrest a poor man, they will not suffer him (if he hath not Money) to stay a quarter of an hour to talk with his Creditor, although perhaps at the meeting they might take Composition; but only to the Counter with him, unless he will lay his Pewter, Brass, Coverlets, Sheets, or such Household stuff to them for pawn of payment of some Coin for their staying; therefore let him depart out of the place, for his Room is better than his Company to me, because of a late Prank I played   

A Sumner, a jailor, an Informer appear for jurymen for Sir John.  
 
After this three other men offered their Service to Sir john; the one said he was a Sumner, the other a Gaoler, and the third an Informer. B●ess me (quoth the Judge) what a Gang is here gathered together! no doubt Hell is broke loose, and the Devil means to keep Holiday: I make Challenge against them all, as against worse men than those that gave evidence against Christ: for the Sumner, it boots me to say little more against him, than Chaucer did in his C●nte●bury Tales, who said he was a Knave, a Briber and a Bawd: But leaving that Authority, although it be authentical▪ yet thus much I can say of myself, that these drunken, drowsy sons go a tooting abroad (as they themselves term it) which is to hear if any man hath got his Maid with Child, or plays the Goodfellow with his Neighbour's Wife: if he find a hole in any man's Coat that is of wealth, than he hath his peremptory Citation ready, to cite him unto the Archdeacon's or Officials Court, there to appear, and abide the shame and penalty of the Law: the man perhaps in good credit with his Neighbours, loath to bring his Name in question, greaseth the Sumner in the Fist, and then he wipes him out of his Book, and suffers him to get twenty with Child, so he keep him warm in the hand. He hath a Saying to wanton Wives, and they are his good Dames, and as long as they feed him with Chee●e, Bacon, Capons, and such odd Reversions, they are honest; and be they ●ever so bad, he swears to the Official, Complaints are made upon Envy, and the women are o● good Behaviour. Tush, what Bawdry is it he will not suffer, so he may have Money and good Cheer? And if he like a Wench well, a Snatch himself; for they know all the Whores in a Country, and are as lecherous Companions as may be. To be brief, the Sumner lives upon Sins of People, and out of Harlotry gets he all his Gains. As for the Gaoler, although I have been little troubled in Prison, to have experience of his Knavery, yet have I heard the poor prisoner's complain how cruel they be to them, extorting with extraordinary Fees, selling a double Curtall (as they call it) with a double Jugg of Beer for twopences, which contains not above a pint and a half. Let a poor man be arrested into one of the Compters, though he but set his foot in them but half an hour, he shall be at almost an Angels Charge; what with Garnish, Crossing and Wiping out of the Book, turning the Key, Paying the Chamberlain, seeing for his Jury, and twenty such Extortions, invented by themselves, and not allowed by any Statute. God bless me, Jailer, from your Hen-houses; I'll assure you, I'll keep you from coming into the Quest.  
And as to you Master Informer, you that look like a Civil Citizen, or some handsome Pettifogger of the Law, although your crimson Nose betrays you can sup a cool Cup of Sack without any chewing, yet have you as much Knavery in your side-Pouch there, as would breed the confusion of forty honest men. It may be, Sir john that you marvel why I exclaim against the Informer, since he highly pretends to do all he doth against honest men, according to Law: To wipe out this, this Officer is one that abuses Law, when he should use it, and such a one I guests this Fellow to be, by the Carnation Tincture of his Ruby-Nose. Therefore let us search his Bag, and see what Trash you shall find in it; with that, although the Informer were very loath, yet we plucked out the stuffing of his Pouch, and in it was found a hundred and odd Writs; whereat I wondered; and Mr. Attorney smiling, bade me read Labels, and the Parties Names, and then examine the Informer how many of them he knew, and wherein they had offended? I followed his Counsel, and of all he knew but three, neither could he tell what they had done amiss, to be arrested, and brought in question; and yet this Varlet swore they deserved punishment.  
But the Prisoner Sir john Fraud seeing me stand in amaze, began thus to resolve me in my doubt. Perhaps, quoth he, you marvel why the Informer hath all these Writs, and knows neither the parties, nor can object any offence to them? To this I answer, that it being a long vacation he learned in the roll all those men's names, and the places where they live: Now means he to go abroad, and search them out and arrest them, and though they know not wherein or for what cause they should be troubled, yet rather than they will come up to London and spend their Money, he thinks they will bestow some odd Angel upon Mr. Informer, and so sit at home in quiet. But suppose some be so stubborn as to stand to the Trial, yet can this cunning Knav● declare a Tanquam against them, so that though they be cleared, yet can they have no recompense at all, for that he doth it in the Court's behalf, I will not unfold all his Villainies, but he is an Abuser of good Laws, and a very knave, and so let him pack away with his Fellows.   

A Collier and a Ropemaker.  
 
As they were going Sir john saw two in the Valley together by the ears, the one in Leather, the other as black as the Devil; he stepped to them to part the fray, and questioned what they were, and wherefore they brawled? Marry, quoth he, that looked like Lucifer, though I am black, I am not the Devil, but indeed a Collier of Croyden and one, Sir, that have ●old many a man a false sack of Coals, that both wanted measure, and was half full of dust and dross. Indeed I have been a Lieger in my time in London, and have played many mad pranks; for which cause, you may apparently see, I am made a curtal; for the Pillory (in the sight of a great many good and sufficient Witnesses) hath eaten off both mine ears: and now, Sir, this Ropemaker (the other that was with him) hunteth me here with his halters. I guess him to be some evil Spirit, that in the likeness of a man, would since I have passed the Pillory, persuade me to hang myself for my old offences; and therefore I lay about his shoulders with a Crabtree Cudgel, that he may get out of my Company.  
The Ropemaker replied, that honestly journeying by the way, he acquainted himself with the Collier accidentally, but I myself am an honest Man; How, quoth the Collier, can he be honest, whose Mother I guess was a Witch? For I have heard them say, that Witches say their Prayers backward, and so doth the Ropemaker earn his living by going backward; and the Knaves chief Living is by making fatal Instruments, as Halters and Ropes, which divers desperate men hang themselves with; so immediately Sir john asked them, if they would be of his Jury? The Judge answered and said in the Ropemaker he found no great Falsehood, therefore he was willing he should be one; but for the Collier, he thought it necessary, that as he came so he should depart: so then, Sir john bade the Ropemaker stand by till more came, which was not long; for there came three in a Cluster.   

The Cheats used by the Tanners, Shoemakers, and Curriers.  
 
As soon as they drew nigh, he spied one, a fat Churl with a side Russet Coat to his knee, and his hands all so tanned with shifting his Ouse, yet would he not take notice what they were, but questioned with them of their several occupations.  
Marry, quoth the first, I am a Tanner, the second a Shoemaker, and the third a Currier: then turning to the Court, he asked them if they would allow of those parties? No, quoth the Attorney General, I make challenge unto them all, and I will yield, reasons of import against them.  

The Cheats used by the TANNERS.  
And first to you, Mr. Tanner, Are you a man worthy to be of a Jury, when your Conscience cares not to wrong the whole Commonwealth? you respect not public commodity, but private gains; not to benefit your Neighbour, but for to make the proud Princox your Son an upstart Gentleman; and because you would marry your Daughter at the least to an Esquire, that she may, if it be possible, be a Gentlewoman; and how comes this to pass? By your Tanfats forsooth: For whereas by the ancient Laws and Statutes of England, you should let a, Hide lie in the Ouse, at the least nine months, you can make good Leather of it before three months; you have your Dove's dung, your Marl, your as●en Bark, and a thousand things more, to bring on your Leather apace, that it is so badly Tanned, that when it comes to the wearing, than it ●●eets away like a piece of brown Paper: And whereas your Backs of all other, should be the best tanned, you bring them so full of Horn to the Market, that did you not grease the Sealer's of Leaden-Hall throughly in the Fist, they should never be sealed, but turned away, and made forfeit by the Statute. I cannot at large lay open your subtle practices to beguile the poor communality with bad Leather. But let this suffice you leave no Villainy unsought, to bring the Blockhead your son to go afore the Clown his Father, trimly tricked up in a pair of velvet breeches.   

The Cheats used by the Curriors.  
Now Mr. Currior, to your Cozenage; you cannot be content only to burn the Leather you dress, for fault of Liquor, because you would make the Shoemaker pay well, and you put in little stuff; and beside, when as in Backs you should only put in Tallow hard and good, you put in soft Kitchen stuff mixed, and so make the good and well tanned Leather by your Villainy, to fleet and waste away, but also you grow to be an extorting Knave and a Forestaller of the Market; for you will buy Leather, Sides, Backs and Calf Skins, and sell them to the poor Shoemakers at an unreasonable rate, by your false retailing, getting infinite goods by that excessive price; both undoing the poor Shoemaker, and causing us, that we pay extremely for Shoes. For if the Currier bought not Leather by the whole of the Tanner, the Shoemaker might have it at a more reasonable price; but the Shoemaker being poor, is not perhaps able to deal with a dicker of Hides, nor perhaps with a couple of Backs, and the Tanner will not trust him; then the extorting and cozening Currier comes up with this, I will lend you for a day; and so pincheth him, that he is scarce able to find his Children bread. But well hath his Majesty provided by an Act of Parliament, That no Currier shall buy Leather, either Backs or Hides of the Tanner, so to bridle the extorting and forestall Cozenage; but craftilier and subtilier hath the Knave Currier cros-bitten the Statute, in that he deals thus with the Tanner, he makes him hold his Leather unreasonably to the Shoemaker; and so when he cannot sell it, he lays it up in the Curriers house, under a colour, whereas indeed he hath sold it him. Suppose this shift be spied and prevented, then compoundeth he with some Knave Shoemaker, some base Rakehell without a Conscience, that neither respecteth God, the Commonwealth, nor his Company, and forsooth he is half with the Currier, who letteth him have some hundred Marks to lay out for Leather every Month, whereas he spends not in his Shop a hundred Marks worth in a year; so the Shoemaker buys it to abuse the Statute, for the Currier, and the Currier by that means undoeth the other Shoemakers: thus two crafty Knaves are met, and they need no honest Broker.   

The Cheats in the Shoemaking Trade.  
Now to you Mr. Shoemaker; you can put in the inner sole of a thin Calf's Skin, when as the Shoe is a Neats-leather Shoe; which you know is clean contrary both to Conscience and the Statute. Beside, you will join a Neats-Leather Vampey to a Calf's Leather ●eel: Is not here good stuff, Mr. Shoemaker? Well, for your Knavery, you shall have those curses which belong unto your Craft: you shall be lightfooted to travel far, light witted upon every small occasion to give your Master's bag: you shall be most of you unthrifts, and almost all perfect Goodfellows. Beside, I remember a merry jest, how Mercury brought you to a dangerous Disease, for he requested a boon for you, which fell out to your great disadvantage: and to recreate us, hear a little Gentle-craft, what ●ell to your Trade by that winged God. As it happened on a time that jupiter and Mercury travelling together upon Earth, Mercury was wonderfully hungry and had no Money in his Purse to buy him any food, and at last, to his great comfort he spied where a Company of Tailors were at Dinner with buttered Pease eating their pease with their Needles points one by one: Mercury came to them, and asked them his alms: they proudly bade him sit down and do as he saw they did, and with that delivered him a Needle. The poor God being passing hungry, could not content his maw with eating one by one, but turned the eye of his Needle, and eat two or three together. Which the Tailors seeing they start up, and said, What Fellow, a shovel and Spade to buttered Pease? hast thou no more manners? Get out of our Company, and so they sent him packing with many strokes. Mercury coming back jupeter demanded of him what news? and he told him how churlishly he was used amongst the Tailors. Well, wand'ring on further, Mercury espied where a Company of Shoemakers were at Dinner with powdered Beef and Brewess: going to them, before he could ask them any Alms, they said, welcome good Fellow, what is thy Stomach up? wilt thou do as we do, and taste of Beef Mercury thanked them, and sat down and eat his Belly full, and drunk double Beer, and when he had done went home to his Master. Assoon as he came, jupeter asked him what News? and he said, I have light amongst a crew of Shoemakers, the best Fellows that I ever met withal, they have frankly fed me without grudging, and therefore grant me a Boon for them. Ask what thou wilt, Mercury, quoth he, and it shall be done: Why then, quoth he, grant, that for this good turn they have done me, they may ever spend a groat afore they can earn twopences. It shall be granted: Mercury, assoon as jupeter had said the word, bethought himself, and said, Nay, but that they may earn a groat before they spend twopences for my Tongue slipped at the first. Well, Mercury, quoth he, it cannot be recalled, the first wish must stand; and hereof, by Mercury's Boon it grew, that all the Gentle-Craft are such good Fellows and Spendthrifts. But howsoever, none of these three, neither Shoemaker, Tanner nor Currier shall be of the Jury.    

A Parcel of Gentlemen appear next to Sir John.  
 
As they went away with Fleas in their ears, being thus taunted by the Court, Sir john saw coming to him a Troop of ancient Gentlemen, with their Serving-men attending upon them: The foremost was a great old man with a white Beard, all in Russes, and a fair black Cloak on his back, and attending on him he had some five men; their Cognizance, as I remember, was a Peacock without a Tail; the other two that accompanied him, seemed meaner than himself, but Gentlemen of good worship; whereupon Sir john went towards them, and saluted them, and was so bold as to question what they were, and of their Business.  
And the ancientest answered, he was a Knight, and those two his Neighbours, the one an Esquire, the other a Gentleman, and that they have no urgent Affairs, but only to walk abroad to take the fresh Air. Then did he desire them all to be upon his Jury.  
They smiling, answered, they were content; but the Attorney General storming, stepped in, and made challenge to them all, and said, thus you may guests the inward Mind by the outward Apparel; and see how he is addicted by the homely Robes he is suited in; Why this Knight is a mortal Enemy to Honesty, and so to me; he regardeth not Hospitality, yet aimeth at Honour; he relieves not the poor; you may see though his Lands and Revenues be great, and he able to maintain himself in great Bravery, yet he is content with homespun Cloth; he holdeth the worth of his Gentry to be and consist in Velvet-Breeches, but valueth true Fame by the report of the common sort, who praise him for his House-keeping and great Spend. His Tenants and Farmers would if it might be be possible, make him sink into Atoms with their Prayers and Praises; he raiseth Rend, racketh Lands, taketh Incomes, imposeth merciless Fines, envies others, buyeth Houses over his Neighbour's heads, and respecteth not his Country, and the Commodity thereof, as dear as his Life, and therefore not fit to be in a Kingdom; he regardeth not to have the needy fed, not to have his Board garnished with full Platters, he minds to be famous, and great, and rich in Furniture and Apparel: Nay, he loveth Pride, and therefore I must proclaim him mine Enemy, and therefore he shall be none of the Jury; and such as himself I guess the Squire and the Gentleman, and therefore I challenge them all.   

Next appears to Sir john a Troop of Citizens.  
 

A Discovery of the Cheats used by Skinners, joiners, Saddlers, Watermen, Cutlers, Bellows-menders, Plasterers and Printers.  
As Mr. Attorney was thus talking, there came a Troop of men, in apparel seeming poor honest Citizens, in all they were eight; he demanded of them what they were, and whither they were going? One of them that seemed the wealthiest, who was in a surred Jacket, made answer, that they were all friends, going to the Burial of a Neighbour of theirs, that yesternight died, and if it would do Sir john any pleasure to hear their Names, they were not so dainty, but they would ●ell them.  
The first said he was a Skinner; the second said he was a Joiner; the third was a Saddler; the fourth a Watermam, the fifth was a Cutler, the sixth was a Bellows-mender, the seventh a Plasterer, and the eighth a Printer. In good time, quoth he, it is commendable when Neighbours love so well together; but if your speed be not overmuch, I must request you to be of a Jury; they seemed all content, and so Sir john turned to the Court, and asked if they would make challenge to any of these? I scorn, quoth one of the Court to make any great Objection against them, being they are Mechanical men, and almost hold them indifferent: With that up starts the Judge himself, and said, Sir, they are not indifferentmen, I challenge them all.    

The Knavery of Skinners.  
 
And first with you, Mr Skinner, to whom I can say little, but only this, that whereas you should only put the Backs of Skins into Facing, you taw them, and so deceive the Buyer; beside, if you have some fantastic Skin brought you, not worth twopences, with some strange Spots, though it be a Leopard, you will swear it is a most precious Skin, and came from Musko, or the furthest Part of Calabria.  

The Cheats of the Saddler.  
The Saddler, he stuffs his Panels with Straw or Hay, and overglazeth them with Hair, and makes the Leather of them of Morts, or tanned Sheepskins.   

The Cheat of the Joiner.  
The joiner, though an honest man, yet he makes his Joints weak, and putteth sappy wood in the Mortises, which should be Heart of the Tree, and all to make his Stuff tender.   

The Cheat of the Cutler.  
The Cutler is a Patron to Ruffians and Swashbucklers, and will sell them a Blade that may be thrust into a Bushel; but to a poor man that cannot skill of it, he sells him a Sword or Rapier new overglazed, and swears the Blade came either from Turkey, or Toledo.    

The Knavery of the Watermen.  
 
Now, (Mr. Waterman) you will say there is no subtlety in you, for there is none so simple but knows your Fares, and wha● is due between Greenwich and London, and how you earn your Money painfully, with the sweat of your Brows; all this is true, but let me whisper you one thing in your ear, you will play the goodfellow too much if you be well greased in the Fist; for if a young Gentleman and a pretty Wench come to you, and say, Waterman, My friend and I mean to go by Water, and to be merry a night or two, and I care not which way nor whither we go; and therefore where thou thinkest we may have best Lodging, thither carry us: then off goes your Cap, and away they go, to Brainford, or some other place; and than you say, Hostess, I pray you use this Gentleman and his Wife well, they are come out of London to take the Air, and mean to be merry here a night or two, and to spend their Money frankly, when God wot they are neither man not wife, nor of any acquaintance, before their Match made in some Bawdy Tavern, but you know no such matter; and therefore Waterman, I pardon you. And so for you Plasterer and Bellows mender, you shall be on the Iury.  
At those words of the Judge, Sir john rejoiced, hoping that now quickly the Jury would be full.   

A Printer made a jury man for his Indifferency.  
 
As for the Printer, he cheats the Bookseller sometimes in working of half an Impression for himself, when the Bookseller hath had his Number he is to pay for; but because the Printer only doth thus to those Booksellers that he thinks will never pay him, he shall pass on the Jury as an indifferent honest man.   

The Cheats of the Brick-layers:  
 
As Sir john looked about him, he saw one alone come running as fast as he could; he wondered what he should be that he should make such haste; when he came near him, he told the Judge he was a good honest simple man that had been long in his work, in building him a sumptuous House: I challenge him (quoth the Judge) for he is a Juggler; for though he goeth very homely in Leather, and hath his Ruler in his hand, and his Trowel at his side, and he seemeth not as one that was given to such qualities, yet he hath his Policy; when he maketh a stately place all glorious to the eye, and full of fair Chambers, and goodly Rooms, and about his House perhaps some threescore Chimneys, yet he can so cunningly cast by his Art, that three of them shall not smoke in the Twelvemonth, and so spoils he much good Mortar and Brick.  
Why, quoth Sir john, the Fault is not in the Workman, but the Housekeeper; for now adays men build to please the Eye, not to profit the poor, they use no Roast, but for themselves and their Household; nor no Fire, but a little Court-Chimney in their own Chamber: How can the poor Bricklayer then be blamed, when the niggardliness if the Lord and Master, is the Cause no more Chimneys do smoke? For would they use ancient Hospitality as their Forefathers did, and value as lightly of Pride, as their great Grandfathers, than should you fee every Chimney in the House smoke, and prove that the poor Artificer had done his part. Why then (quoth the Judge) as you please, admit him on the Quest.  
But what be those (qouth the Judge) that come here so soberly? I hope they be honest men, for they look d●m●re; I will inquire, said he; and with that, stepping to them, he demanded their Names; and very courteously one said he was a Brewer, the other a Butcher, the third a Baker, and the fourth a victualler.  
Hearing what they were, the Judge was glad, guessing, since they were so honest substantial men, that they would help to make up the Jury.  
When he had said so, Sir john Fraud, with a grim and sow● countenance, gave them this Challenge: I hold it not necessary (quoth he) that these have any thing to deal in my Cause, since I am at odds with them all, at least in forty pounds apiece; for this seven year have I been indebted unto them for Bread, B●●f, Beer, and other Victuals; then since they have credited me long, and I have had so little a care to pay them, I doubt now they will revenge themselves, and pass against me in the Verdict. Nay (quoth the Judge) rather will they hold on your part; for if they be honest wise men (as they seem to be) they will be careful of your preferment, seeing the more highly you are advanced, the more they are like to come by their own: if therefore you can object no other points of Dishonesty against them, I see no reason why they should be put by. If you do not? (quoth Sir john) I do, and I will prove them un●it to have any dealings here; and first for the Butcher:   

The Knavery of the Butcher.  
 
I pray you Goodman Kill-Calf, what havoc play you with puffing up of meat, and blowing with your Pricker as you slay it? have you not your artificial Knaveries to set out your meat with pricks, and then swear he hath more for money than ever you bought: to sell a piece of an old Cow, for a chop of young Ox; to wash your old meat that hath hung waltering in the shop, with new blood, to truss away an old Ewe, instead of a young Wether: and although you know it is hurtful, and forbidden by the statues to slay your Hides, skins, backs, with cuts and flashes, to the improverishing of the poor Shoemaker when he buys it: yet I pray you how many slaughters do you make in a poor Calf's skin? Oh Butcher, a Long Lent be your punishment: for you make no Conscience in deceiving the poor.  

The Knavery of the Brewer.  
And you Brewer, that grow to be worth forty thousand pounds by selling of sodden water, what subtlety have you in making your Beer, to spare the Malt, and put in more of the hop to make your drink (be Barley never so cheap) not a whit the stronger, and yet cell never a whit the more measure for money; you can, when you have taken all the heart of the Malt away, then clap on store of water; 'tis cheap enough, and mash out a tunning of small Beer, that it scours a man's maw like Rhenish wine; in your Conscience how many Barrels draw you out of a quarter of Malt? sie, sie, I conceal your falsehood, lest I should be too broad in setting down your faults.    

The Knavery of the Baker.  
 
And for you, Goodman Baker, you that love to be seen in the open Marketplace upon the Pillory, the world cries out of your wiliness, you crave but one dear year to make your Daughter a Gentlewoman: you buy your Corn at the best hand, and yet will not be content to make your bread weight by many ounces: you put in Yeast, and Salt, to make it heavy, and yet all your policy cannot make it, but you sine for the Pillory. The poor cry out, the rich find fault, and the Lord Mayor and the Sheriffs, like Honourable and Worshipful Magistrates, every day walk abroad, and weigh your Bread, and all will not serve to make you honest men: but were extremity used, and the Statute put in the highest degree in practice, you would have as few ears of your heads, as the Collier.  

The Knavery of the Tapsters.  
Last to you, Tom Tapster, that tap your small cans of Beer to the poor, and yet fill them half full of froth, that carded your Beer (if you see your Guests begin to be drunk) half small, and strong; you cannot be content to pinch them with your small pots, and your Ostry Faggots; but have your Truggs, to draw men on to Villainy, and to bring Customers to your house, where you sell a joint of meat for twelve pence, that cost you scarce fix: and if any chance to go on the score, you score him, when he is asleep, and set up a Groat a day more than he hath, to find you drinking pots with your Companions. To be short, thou art a Knave, and I like not of any of the rest, the way lies before you, and therefore you may be gone, for you shall be none of the Quest.  
The Judge hearing this smiled and said, I see Rogues among themselves can never agree, as the Judge was thus speaking, Sir john saw five fat Fellows, all in Damas●▪ Coats, and Gowns welted with Velvet, very brave, and in great consultation, as if they were to determine of some weighty matter. Drawing near, he saw they were wealthy Citizens: so he went, and reverently saluted them, and told them how he needed their aid, about his Jury; they were contented; but the Judge excepted against four of them, and said, they were none of his friends; that was the Merchant, Goldsmith, Mercer, and Draper. His allegations were these, that they were all feathered of one wing, to fetch in young Gentlemen by commodities, under the colour of lending of money.    

The Knavery of the Merchant.  
 
For the Merchant, he delivered Iron, Tin, Led, Hops, Sugars, Spices, Oils, brown Paper, or whatsoever else, from six months to six months; which when the poor Gentleman came to sell again, he could not make threescore and ten in the hundred beside the usury.  

The Knavery of the Mercer.  
The Mercer, he followeth the young upstart Gentleman, that hath no Government of himself, and he feeds his humour to go brave; he shall not want Silks, Satins, Velvets, to prank abroad in his pomp; but with this proviso, that he must bind over his Land in a Statute-Merchant, or Staple; and so at last forfeit all unto the merciless Mercer, and leave himself never a foot of ground in England; which is the reason, that for a few remnants of Velvets, and Silks, the Mercer creepeth into whole Lordships.   

The Knavery of the Goldsmith.  
The Goldsmith is not behind; for most of them deal with Usury, and let young Gentlemen have Commodities of Plate, for ten in the hundred, but they must lose the fashion in selling it again (which cuts them sore) beside, they are most of them skilled in Alchemy, and can temper metals shroudly, with no little profit to themselves, and disadvantage to the buyer; beside, puffed rings and acquaint conceits which I omit.   

The Knavery of the Draper.  
And for you Draper, he fetcheth them off for Livery Cloth, and Cloth for six months and six, and yet hath he more knacks in his budget; for he hath so dark a shop, that no man can well choose a piece of Cloth, it so shadows the die and the Thread, a man shall be deceived in the wool and the nap, they cause the Clothworker so to press them; beside, he imposeth this charge to the Clothworker, that he draw his Cloth, and pull it passing hard when he sets it upon the Tenters, that he may have it full breadth and length, till thread and all tear and rend a pieces: what care they for that? have they not a Drawer to serve their turn; to draw and seam up the holes so cunningly, that it shall never be espied? Myself hath seen in one broad Cloth eighteen score holes torn, racked and pulled by the Clothworker only to please the Draper, and deceive the Commonwealth. To be short, the Clothworker, what with rowing and setting on a fine nap, with powdering it and pressing it, with shearing the wool to the proof of the thread, deal so cunningly, that they prove themselves the Draper's Ministers to execute his subtleties: therefore if he chance to come, let him be remembered.   

The Knavery of the Vintner.  
And as for the Vintner I hold him to be as deceitful as any of the rest; for he is a kind of Necromancer, for at midnight, when all men are in bed, than he, forsooth, falls to his charms and spells, so that he tumbles one Hogshead into another, and can make a cup of Claret that hath lost his colour, look high with a dash of red wine at his pleasure. If he hath a strong Gascoin Wine for fear it should make his guests too soon drunk, he can allay it with a small Rochel Wine, he can cherish up white wine, with Sack; and perhaps if you bid him wash the pot clean when he goes to draw you a quart of Wine, he will leave a little Water in the bottom, and then draw it full of wine. And what if he do? 'tis no harm, wine and water is good against the heat of the Liver. It were infinite to rehearse the juggling of Vintners, the disorder of their houses, especially of the persons that frequent them and therefore seeing the Merchant, Goldsmith, Mercer and Draper be put by, the Vinter shall go with them for company.  
As these were going away in a snuff, for being thus plainly taunted, Sir john saw a mad merry crew come leaping over the field as frolickly, as if they ought not all the world two pence; and drawing nearer he did perceive, that either Bottle Ale or Beer had made a fray with them; for the lifting of their feet showed the lightness of their heads.    

A Tantivee-Parson.  
 
The foremost was a plain Country Sir john, or Vicar, that proclaimed by the redness of his Nose, he did oftener go into the Alehouse, than the Pulpit; and him Sir john asked what they were, and whether they were going? What are you, quoth the Priest, that stand by the high way to examine me and my friends? here's none in my Company, but are able to answer for themselves, he seeing they were all set on a merry pin, told the cause, and said, that he needed them to be of the Quest. Marry (quoth Sir john) a good motion; know these all are my Parishioners, and we have been drinking with a poor man, and spending our money with him; a neighbour of ours, that hath lost a Cow. Now for our names, and our Trades, this is a Smith, the second a Weaver, the third a Miller, the fourth a Cook; the fifth a Carpenter, the sixth a Glover, the seventh a Pedlar, the eight a Tinkar, the ninth a Waterbearer; the tenth a Husbandman; the eleventh a Dyer, and the twelfth a Sailor, and I the Vicar or Parson which you please to call me; How could you Sir, have a fitter Jury than me, and my Parishioners?  
You are a little too brief (quoth Sir john) for you are a Fellow that raiseth up new Schisms, and Heresies and Divisions among your People, and the world was never in quiet, Devotion, Neighbourhood and Hospitality never flourished in this Land since such upstart Boys, and shittle-witted Fools became of the Ministry; you preach Faith, and say that doing of Alms is Papistry; but you have taught so long, Fid●s solum ju●●ific●t, that you have preached good Works quite out of your Parish; a poor man shall assoon break his N●ck as his Fast at a rich man's do●r.  
Alas Sir john, you are mistaken, for, my friend, though indeed I am none of the best Scholars, yet I can re●d a Homily every Sunday and Holiday, and keep company with my Neighbours, and go to the Alehouse with them, and if they be fallen out, spend my Money to make them friends; and on Sundays sometime, if good Fellowship call me away, I say both Morning and Evening Prayer at once, and so let them have a whole Afternoon to play in. This is my Life, I spend my Living with my Parishioners; I seek to do all good, and I offer no man harm. Well (quoth Sir john) than I warrant thou art an honest Vicar, and therefore stand by, thou shalt be one of the Quest.   

No Cheat in the Smith's Profession.  
 
And as for you, Smith, I see no great fault in you; you earn your Living with the Sweat of your Brows, and there can be no great Knavery in you; only I would have you to mend your life for drinking, since you are never at quiet unless the Pot be still at your Nose.  

The Knavery of the Weaver.  
But you, Weaver, the Proverb puts you down for a crafty Knave, you can filch and steal almost as well as the Tailor; your Woof and Warp is so cunningly drawn out, that you plague the poor Country Huswives for their Yarn, and dawb on so much Dregs, that you make it seem both well wrought, and to bear weight, when it is slenderly woven, and you have stolen a quarter of it from the poor Wife. Away, be packing, for you shall be cashiered.    

The Miller and Weaver shake hands  
 
What Miller, shake hands with your Brother the Weaver for Knavery; you can take Toll twice, and have false Hoppers to convey away the poor man's Meal: Be gone, I love not your dusty looks?  

The Cheats of the Cooks.  
And for Company, Goodman Cook, go with them; for you cozen the poor men and Country Termers with your silthy meat, you will buy of the worst and cheapest, when it is bad enough for Dogs, and yet so powder it, and parboil it, that you will sell it to some honest poor men, and that unreasonably too. If you leave any Meat overnight, you make a shift to heat it again the next day. Nay, if on the Thursday at night there be any left, you make Pies of it on Sunday Morning, and almost, with your slovenly Knavery poison the poor people. To be short, I brook you not, and therefore be walking.  
For the Carpenter, Glover, and Water-bearer, the Husbandman, Dier and Saylor, since your Trades have but petty ●lights stand you with Mr. Vicar, you are like to help to give in the Verdict.    

Tinkers and Pedlars Knavery.  
 
But for the Pedlar and the Tinker, they are two notable Knaves, both of a hair, and both Cousin-germains to the Devil. For the Tinker, why he is a drowsy, bawdy, drunken Companion, that walks up and down with a Trugg after him, and in stopping one hole, makes three; and is in convenient place, he meets with one alone, perhaps rifles him or her of all that ever they have; a base Knave, without fear of God, or love to any one but his Whore, and to himself. The Pedlar as bad, or rather worse, walketh the Country with his Doxy at the least, if he have not too his Morts Dells, and Autem Morts; he passeth commonly through every pair of Stocks, either for his Drunkenness, or his Lechery. And beside, it is reported you can lift or nip a Bung like a guire Cove; if you want pence, and that you carry your Pack but for a colour to shadow your other Villainies. Well, howsoever, you are both Knaves, and so be jogging. Well, at last, quoth the Judge, I suppose, Sir john, your Jury is almost full; I believe you want not above three or four persons; look you yonder where they come to make up the Number; and they should be men of good Disposition, for they seem to be all Countrymen of Utopia. Assoon as they came close, Sir john met them, and told them the Matter, and they were content to be of the Jury. The one said he was a Grazier, the other a Farmer, the other a Shepherd to them both. What think you of these three, quoth Sir john? Marry, saith the Judge, two of them are honest men, but the other is a base Knave; but 'tis no matter, shuffle him in amongst the rest. Nay, by your leave, quoth Mr. Attorney, I will shuffle out these two, for they are the very Cormorants of the Country, and devour the poor people with their monstrous exaction.  

The Cheats used by the Grazier.  
And first I allege against the Grazier, that he forestalleth Pastures and Meadow grounds for the feeding of his cattle, and wringeth Leases of them out of poor men's hands; and in his buying of cattle, he committeth great Usury; for it it prove a wet year, than he maketh havoc, and selleth dear; if it be a dry year, than he buyeth cheap, and yet having Pasture, keeps them till he may come to his own price; he knoweth as well as the Butcher by the seed of a Bullock, how much Tallow he will yield, what his Quarters will amount unto● what the Tanner will give for the Hide; Nay, what the Souse-wives were able to make of the Inwards; so that he sells it so dear to the Butcher, that he can scarce live of it; and therefore what subtlety the Butcher useth, cometh from the Grazier, so that I exempt him from the Quest as a bad Member, and an ill Friend to Justice.    

The Cheats used by the Farmer.  
 
And for you Mr. Farmer, you know how through you covetous Landlords raise their Rents; for if a poor man have but a Ploughland, if you see his Pastures bear good Grass, and his arable ground, good Corn, and that he prospereth and goeth forward on it, and provideth and maintaineth his Wife and Servants honestly, then,  
Invidus alterius rebus macrescit opimis,  
Vicinumque pecus grandius uber habet.  
Then strait Envy pricks the Farmer forward, and he bids the Landlord far more than the poor man pays yearly for it; so that if it be a Tenant at will, he puts him out to beg in the Street; or when his Lease comes out, he overloads him in the Fine, and thus blood-sucketh he the poor of his own private profit. Besides, the base Chuff; if he sees a forward Year, and that corn is like to be plenty, than he murmureth against God, and sweareth and protesteth he shall be undone, respecting more the filling of his own Co●●ers by a Dearth than the profit of his Country by a general Plenty. Beside, Sir, may it please you, when new Corn comes into the Market, who brings it in to relieve the State? Not your Mastership, but the poor Husbandman, that wants Pence: For you keep it till the back end of the Year; nay, you have your Garners which have Corn of two or three Years old, upon hopes still of a dear Year, rather letting the Weasels eat it, than the poor should have it at any reasonable price. So that I conclude, You are a Cormorant of the Commonwealth, and a Wretch that lives of the spoil of the needy, and so I leave you to jet with the Grazier.   

Shepherd's honest men.  
 
As for the Shepherd, unless it be that he killeth a Lamb now and then, and says the Fox stole him, I know little Craft in his Budget, therefore let him among the honest men of the Jury.   

Several Citizens come to hear the Trial of Sir John Fraud.  
 
Well said Sir john to the Judge, here comes three or four Citizens, will any of these serve turn: I cannot tell (quoth the Judge) till I know their names and conditions. With that Sir john stepped afore the company, and enquired what they were: the eldest of them being a grave Citizen, said he was a Grocer, the rest, his good and honest Neighbours, a Chandler, a Haberdasher, a Clothworker, and two strangers, one a Wallon, the other a Dutchman. How like you these? (quoth Sir john to the Judge) ●'le assure you, my Lord, these men are seen every Sunday in their Silks. I marry (quoth the Judge) but they never get that Bravery with Honesty; For the Clothworker, his Faults were laid open before, when we had the Draper in question, and therefore let him be packing.  

The Knavery of Chandler's.  
For you Chandler, I like not your Tricks, you are too conversant with the Kitchen-stuff-wives; you, after your Wiek or Snaft is stiffened, you dip it in filthy Dross, and after give him a Coat of good Tallow, which makes the Candle's drop and waste away, to great hindrance of the poor Workmen that watch in the night. Beside, you pinch in your weights, and have false measures, and many other Knaveries that I omit; but this be sure, you shall not meddle in my Matter.  
Neither the Haberdasher, for he trims up old Felts, and makes them very fair to the eye, and faceth and edgeth them neatly, and then he turneth them away for good ones, and so abuseth us with his Cozenage. Beside, you buy gummed Taffeta, wherewith you line Hats, that will strait asunder assoon as it comes to the heat of a man's Head. To be brief, I am not well skilled in your Knaveries; but indeed you are too subtle for a Juryman, and therefore you shall be none of the Jury.  
The Grocer seems an honest man, and I am content to admit of him, only take this as a Caveat by the way, all Gentlemen here present, that you buy of the Garvellers of Spices, the Refuse that they fifth from the Merchant, and that mix again, and sell to your Customers. Besides, in your beaten Spices, as in Pepper, you put in Bay-berries, and such Dross, and so wrong the poor; but these are ●light Causes, and so overpass them, and vouchsafe you to be of the Quest.  
But I pray you, what be these two honest men The one (quoth the Grocer?) a Dutchman, and a Shoemaker; the other a Frenchman, and a Milliner in St. Martin's, and sells Shirts, Bands, Bracelets, Jewels, and such pretty Toys for Gentlewomen.  
Oh, they be of Sir John's Acquaintance, Upstarts as well as he! that have brought with them Pride and Abuses into England: But these we'll pass, knowing they abuse most Occupations, and they shall not be of the Quest  
Well (quoth Sir john) now I suppose the Jury is full, and we see no more coming; let us call them, and see how many we have.    

The jury being called over, two are wanting. Immediately enters an Honest Bookseller.  
 
Assoon as Sir john had spoke the Word, there comes into the Court a Bookseller, a reputed very honest man indeed, and of a Gentile Profession; assoon as ever the Judge perceived who he was, he commanded he should be one of the Jury: With all my heart, said the Prisoner at the Bar; for I know he is one that gives in his Verdict impartially; he is one that will act honestly (without fraud or deceit) and he is one that hath a good Report in Utopia; and so he was admitted as a Juryman.  
What is it not possible, quoth the Prisoner, to have one more to make up the four and twenty? as he was thus speaking, he spied afar off, a certain kind of an overworn Gentleman, attired in Velvet and Satin, but it was somewhat dropped and greasy, and Boots on his Legs, whose Soles waxed thin, and seemed to complain of their Master, which treading Thrift under his feet, had brought them to that Consumption; he walked not as other men, in the common beaten way, but came compassing circumcirca, as if we had been Devils, and he would draw a Circle about us, and at every third step he looked back, as if he were afraid of a Bailiff or Sergeant.  
After him followed two pert Apple-squires, the one had a Murrey Cloth Gown on, faced before with grey Coney, and laid thick on the sleeves with Lace, which quaintly bore up, to show his white Taffeta Hose, and black Silk Stockings, a huge Ruff about his neck, wrapped on his great head like a wicket-cage, a little Hat, with brims like the wings of a Doublet, wherein he wore a Jewel of Glass, as broad as a great Seal. After him followed two Boys in Cloaks like Butterflies, carrying one of them his cutting Sword of Choler, the other his dancing Rapier of delight. His Comrade that bore him Company, was a jolly light timbered Jackanapes, in a Sat of watche● Taffeta, cut to the skin, with a Cloak all to bedawbed with coloured Lace; both he and the gowned Brother seemed by their pace, as if they had some Suits to Mosieur Boots. At length coming near, Sir john could discern the first to be a Poet, the second a Player, the third a Musician, alias the Usher of a Dancing-School. Well met, Master Poet, quoth Sir john, and welcome you Friends also, though not so particularly known. So it is, though none of you three be Commonwealth's men, yet upon urgent necessity, we must be forced to employ you. We have a Jury to be impanelled immediately, which one of you three must help to make up, even he which approves himself the honestest man. They are all honest men, and good Fellows, quoth the Attorney, therefore it is no great matter whether of them we choose.  
The Doctors doubt of that, quoth the judged: and I am of a different opinion from you.  

The Poet admitted a juryman.  
This first, whom by his careless slovenly gate, at first sight I imagined to be a Poet, is a waste-good, and an unthrift, that is born to make the Taverns rich, and himself a Beggar. If he have forty pounds in his purse together, he puts it not to Usury, neither buys Land nor Merchandise with it, but goes to Wenches feeds on Capons, and spends ten Pounds on a Supper. Why, 'tis nothing, if his Plough goes, and his Ink-horn be clear. Take one of them worth twenty thousand pound, and hang him. He is a King of his Pleasure, and counts all other Boors and Peasants; that though they have Money at command, yet know not like him how to domineer with it to any purpose as they should. But to speak plain, I think him an honest man, if he would but live within his compass, and generally no man's foe but his own, therefore I hold him quoth the Prisoner, sit to be of my Jury. Nay, quoth the Judge, I have more mind to these two; for this Poet is a proud fellow, that because he hath a little wit in his Budget, will contemn and mislike that which is Reason and Sense, and think we are beholden to him, if he do but bestow a fair Look upon us.    

Players and Ushers of Dancing-Schools pretty honest men  
 
The Player and the Usher of the Dancing School are plain, honest, humble men that for a penny, or an old cast Suit of Apparel, will do any thing. Quoth, the Recorder, you say Truth, they are but too humble; for they be so lowly, that they be base-minded; I mean, not in their looks, nor apparel, for so they be Peacocks, and painted Asses, but in their course of Life: for they care not how they get crowns, I mean, how basely, so they have them; and yet of the two, I hold the Player to be the better Christian, although he is in his own imagination, too full of self-liking, and self-love, and is unfit to be of the Jury though conceal his faults & fopperies, in that I have been merry at his Sports, only this I must say, that plain Country Fellows they bring in as Clowns and Fools to laugh at in their Play, whereas they get by us, and of our Alms the proudest of them all doth live. Well, to be brief, let him troth to the Stage, for he shall be none of the Jury: And so you, Mr. Usher of the Dancing-School, you are a leader into all Misrule, you instruct Gentlemen to order their feet, when you drive them to misorder their Manners; you are a bad fellow, that stand upon your Tricks and Capers, till you make young Gentlemen caper without your Lands. Why Sir, to be flat with you, you live by your Legs, ass Juggler by his hand; you are given over to the Pomps and Vanities of the world. And to be short, you are a keeper of Misrule, and a lewd fellow, and you shall be none of the Quest. Why then, quoth the Judge, the Poet is he that must make up the four and twentieth; He and none but he.   

The Names of the jury to be impanelled.  

1 Knight.  
2 Esquire.  
3 Gentleman.  
4 Priest.  
5 Printer.  
6 Bookseller.  
7 Grocer.  
8 Skinner.  
9 Dyer.  
10 Pewterer.  
11 Sadler.  
12 joiner.  
13 Cutler.  
14 Plasterer.  
15 Sailor.  
16 Ropemaker.  
17 Smith.  
18 Glover.  
19 Husbandman.  
20 Shepherd.  
21 Waterman.  
22 Waterbearer.  
23 Bellows-mender.  
24 Poet.   
Then the Judge calling them all together, he bade them lay their hands on the Book. And first he called the Knight, and after the rest, as they followed in order; then he gave them the Charge, thus;  
Worshipful Sir, with the rest of the Jury, whom we have elected of choice honest men, whose consciences will deal uprightly in this Trial, you and the rest of your Company are here upon your Oath, and Oaths, to inquire whether Sir john Fraud have deserved Death, yea or no? If you find him Not guilty of those crimes that are laid to his charge; then let him set in his former Estate, and allow him reasonable damages. Upon this they laid their hands upon the Book, and were sworn, and departed to the scrutiny of the offender, by inquiry amongst themselves, not stirring out from the bar, but strait returned, and the Knight for them as the foremost said thus: So it is, that we have with equity and conscience considered of the Prisoners Crimes, and have upon strict examination found that he deserves death; when the Forman had spoke those words, the Judge stood up, and pronounced this Sentence.  
Sir john Fraud, you have been here indicted, arraigned and tried for your Life, and the Jury (who have gone according to Evidence) have found you really Guilty of what hath been charged upon you; and therefore Your Sentence is,  
That you shall be expelled all Kingdoms and Nations and Societies and Countries for an hundred years, and when that time is expired, you shall be put to the severest Death, that can be thought on, or invented by poor, abused, wronged Citizens, Gentlemen, Yeomen, and Farmers.   

The Prisoner left in the Executioners hands.  
 
And so to conclude, the poor, condemned Prisoner was left to the Mercy of the Executioner.  
FINIS.