AN ESSAY Towards the THEORY OF THE Intelligible World. Intuitively Considered. Designed for Forty-nine Parts. PART III. Consisting of a Preface, a Postscript, and a little something between.  
By GABRIEL JOHN.  
Enriched with a Faithful Account of his Ideal voyage and Illustrated with Poems by several Hands, as likewise with other strange things, not insufferably Clever, nor furiously to the Purpose.  
〈◊〉 Archetypally Second Edition. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Why  
Should all the 〈◊〉 be mad but I?  
You that are wisest, tell me why.  
Tribues HIS temporis quantum poteris,  
Poteri● autem quantum voles.   Tully's Offices. 
Printed in the Year One Thousand Seven Hundred, etc.   

A TABLE OF THE CONTENTS.  
I. 
A Tedious Advertisement.  II. 
Concerning Prefaces.  III. 
Of the Approbation this Treatise has met with, and likewise of the Author's Design, his Loyalty and Eminent Poverty.  iv 
The great Use of Defamation and of Flattery, when dextrously administered. His ill success therein.  V 
A Section addressed to great Scholars, that are not very Cunning.  VI 
A Paraphrase upon some Verses in Homer. Burlesque.  VII. 
The Vanity of Riches, imitated from Anacreon.  VIII. 
A Song.  IX. 
To Flavelia.  X. 
A Song.  XI. 
An Elegy upon Raisins and Almonds, or the Passage from Dover to Calais.  XII. 
A Song. Two Epitaphs.  XIII. 
Epitaph on a Maidenhead.  XIV. 
The Calendar.  XV. 
The Divided Heart.  XVI. 
How Dr. Flights, with Mars, Bacchus and Apollo, drank up the Sea to a Chorus of Thunder. An Ode. Phillis in Breeches. A Ditty. An Anagram. Two Ditties. An Epithalamium upon the Death of St. Epiphany. Two more Ditties. A Ballad. A satire against Size-Ace. A Panegyric upon Thirteen-pence-half-penny. A Word to the Wise. Seven more Ditties.  XVII. 
The fair Sacrifice, or a Vow to Cupid; a Song.  XVIII. 
A Copy of Verses upon I done't know what.  XIX. 
The Mourning Nymph; a Song.  XX. 
The same varied by a Friend.  XXI. 
A Section treating of myself, one of the best of Subjects; and such a one as both I and HER MAJESTY have Reason to be peculiarly Fond of. A Discovery what sort of a Person I am, together with something concerning my Mistress, and the same contradicted again. My own just Commendations, especially that of my Great Modesty. Complete Annals of the First 55 Years of my Life. A Prediction of my much lamented Death. All humbly dedicated to the Manes of Mr. De Montagne, St. Euremont and Sir W— T— e.  XXII. 
A Section following the former.  XXIII. 
A Chapter chief designed for the Benefit of Philosophers and wise people.  XXIV. 
Of the Poetical Philosopher's Stone, or my Royal, Imperial, Angelical, Critical, Tincture of Parnassus, for clarifying, brightening and strengthening the Wit, without the least Grain of Mercury.  XXV. 
My Public Spirit. My Care for Posterity; and Method of Educating Young Gentlemen.  XXVI. 
How— de Maintenon offered to make me Poet Laureate, upon Condition I would speak in her Praise, and how I could not tell what to say.  XXVII. 
A Description of the Chaos; the Construction of the Primigenial Earth; its Convulsion at the Deluge; the Rise of this Ruinous Orb; the Generation, Nutrition and Diseases of the Great Leviathan, otherwise called the Trojan-Horse, or a Commonwealth; the Lives of Ignatius Loyola, Oliver Cromwell, — W— and S— 4; a Panegyric upon Adultery, Sodomy, Sedition, Blasphemy and Atheism; the Natural History of Maypoles, together with a Chronological Account of the Rule of Three; Reasons proposed against the Maintenance, Breeding and Entertaining of Cats, apparently tending to impoverish the Company of Mouse-trap-makers.  XXVIII. 
A Section containing such sad Truths, that I would not advise you to understand it, nor so much as read it, if it can possibly be avoided.  XXIX. 
Of a wicked World and sad Times. Of the Present Tense, Infallibility, Tradition, Pope Joan, Queen Dick, and Alexander the Great. Of the Golden Age, Utopian Regions, Vcronian Days, Formosa, China and Peru. Of Fashion, Faction, Weathercocks and Chronologers. Of senile Fables, Fevers, Dreams and hard Beds. Of St. Evremont's Woman that could not be found, the Epic Poem of Empedocles, certain famous Personages that never were Born, the laudable Designs of certain Patriots, and my tender Respect for the Republicans. Of Sr. William Temple's Eloquence, his Powder of Policy, the Philosopher's Stone, and rusty Iron. Of R●bbing Churchyards, a Barrel of Colchester Oysters, Antiquity, Sempronia, Motion, Muddy Rivers, Hour-Glasses, Saws, Doctor's-Commons, Horace's, Odes, Felicity, Generation, Travellers, Procrastination, Extremes, Envy, Distance; The Macrocosm, Complaints, Innovations and Revolutions.  XXX. 
A Section for which the Author could find no manner of Title.  XXXI. 
An imperfect Description of the Raree-Show, and the Music of the Spheres.  XXXII. 
A short Apostrophe to the Ideal World, in which all the principal Matters are brought in by the Buy; viz. An Ecstasy, a Welcome, Glory, Thanks and Acquaintance. A Quotation, Day all abroad, Mirror of Intelligences, Pillars of the Fabric of Wisdom, Chaos, All and Nothing, Quakers, Eclipses, Shadows, Visions and six beautiful Nonentities; besides the Haecceiteiteiteiceiceiteiceity of the Haecceiteiteiteiceiceiteity of the Haecceiteiteiteiceiceity of the Haecceiteiteiteiceity of the Haecceiteiteiteity of the Haecceiteiteity of the Haecceiteity of the Haecceity of HAEC.  XXXIII. 
Of Payment in part, together with fair Promises concerning Unity, Bonity, and Specimens.  XXXIV. 
Of Ancients and Moderns, as likewise of a great Revolution in my Affections, and three Schemes of my Nativity, cast according to Mr. Hobbes' new Method of Calculation. Of Dido and her Sister, the Sorts Virgiliana●, Chestnuts, and how King Pepin of France was confuted.  XXXV. 
Of the full Moon, Intimations, the Building of Babel, the Will of Destiny, and how Oliver Cromwell, in a Passion, shot off a Gun at the Solstice.  XXXVI. 
My Discovery. My Lineage from King Lud. My making over all to the Public. What Preferments I have bestowed upon the Emperor, and some other of my particular Friends; especially upon myself, to manifest the Great Respect I bear to that worthy Person, the dearest to me of all the World; and who seems to entertain infinitely the highest Opinion of my Merits, either from a particular Kindness, or, as I, in Gratitude, rather ought to believe, from a singular Excellence of Judgement.  XXXVII. 
A Chapter in Imitation of Dr. B— and Mr. Wotton. Of my great Diligence and Success. Of Slackening. Of my Ama●nuensis, my Pillow and the learned Dr. B—tly, with some other Matters, no less considerable.  XXXVIII. 
The best Section in the Book, concerning seven hundred a Year.  XXXIX. 
The next best Section, concerning six hundred a Year.  XL. 
Concerning wonderful Things.  XLI. 
Concerning Ivy.  XLII. 
Of Monsters, Long-Distances, Cleanliness, Chancellors, Transsusion of Blood, Staff●rd-shire, and the Foul Disease.  XLIII. 
Of Ba●rbican, Narcissus, Witches and Paper-diet.  XLIV. 
How I rejoiced, and why.  XLV. 
Of the East-India Company.  XLVI. 
Of Critics.  XLVII. 
A Section, containing no manner of Treason against the Government.  XLVIII. 
Several Commendatory Verses and Epistles sent me from foreign Professors.  XLIX. 
A Catalogue of several Famous Persons of my intimate Acquaintance, together with a Political Dissertation upon Green Peppar, written first in Arabic, and now made English from the Original High-Dutch.  L. 
Which End of a Book to begin at. How to betray one's Country with Discretion and Honour. How Pope Col●sso got the Colic in his Thumb, by Yawning at Dinner; how he cured the same with Black Pudding. How the D— ● appeared to H— n and gave him a Ring.  LI. 
Something which you may call either a Postscript or a Preface, according to the Humour you are in.    

Advertisement.  
THAT no Reader may complain of the least Obscurity in any part of the following Papers, Mr. Norris his own Words shall be transcribed, to show what he means by that Intelligible World, which is here made the Ground of a Satirical Fable. In his first Volume, between the 8th and the 13th Pages, we have this Account of it.  
8. By the Ideal State of things, 
What 〈◊〉 lows, to ● 8th pag taken o● of the F●● Vol. of ● Ideal T●● ory.  I mean that State of them which is necessary, permanent and immutable, not only antecedent and preaexistent to this, but also exemplary and representative of it, as containing in it eminently and after an intelligible Manner, all that is in this Natural World, according to which it was made, and in Conformity to which all the Truth, Reality, Order, Beauty and Perfection of its Nature does consist, and is to be measured. The System of things existing after this manner, is what we call the Ideal World, which is not a contingent, temporary, mutable thing, as this, but a self-existing, eternal, necessary and immutable Nature, really simple and one, but yet virtually and eminently multiform and various, and by its multiform and Variety having in it the Reasons, Essences and Specific Natures of all things, that is, such Degrees of Being and Perfection as answer to them, and are intelligibly expressive of them, and whereof all things in the Natural World are but as the Prints and Impressions, I might say, the Shadows. In sho●●, by the Ideal World I understand that World which is Intelligibly what this is Sensibly, the eternal Model and Exemplar of all created Essence, distinctly exhibitive of all that is or can ever be, and so the Measure and Standard, not only of what actually is, but of the whole Possibility of Being.  
9 This is our Ideal World, the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 so much celebrated by Plotinus and Philo in his Cosmopoea, the first intelligible World, the World that truly is, and the World of Truth, the great Type and Mould of external Nature, and the measure of the things that are. The only eternal, stable and immutable World, that existed before the Almighty Fiat was issued forth for the Production of this, and would remain unshaken if it were reduced to nothing, that was before the Foundations of the Earth were laid, nay even before there were any morning Stars that might sing together, or any Sons of God to shout for Joy, job 38. This is the World of Original and Essential Beauty, where Order itself, and very Reason and Proportion dwell, that never had a Chaos, and knows no black Intervals of Night, but where 'tis ever Light and Day, and where Truth shines pure and without a Cloud. A World simple in its Variety, and various in its Simplicity, infinite in its Store and Fullness, and stored with incorruptible and unsading Treasures, universal in its Presence, and uncircumscribed by any Limit of Time or Place. The genuine Country of Truth, and its proper native Soil, the Place of Spirits, the living and ever springing Fountain of Intelligence, and the great Academy of all Arts and Sciences. Where those solid Realities, and substantial Entities perpetually flourish and shine, whereof we have here only the faint Reflections, and in Comparison of which this material World is but a Phantom or a Shadow. Where all is Youth and Pleasure, Life and Joy, Essence and Flower, where happy Spirits drink of the Wine that Wisdom its self has mingled, and are said with immortal Truth. Whoso is Simple, let him turn in hither, Prov. 9  
10. But tho' very great and glorious Things may be spoken of thee, O thou City of God yet how little art thou known, and how much less art thou in the Thoughts and Minds of Men! Plunged as they are in a Life of Sense they are ignorant of thee, Thou first and only Intelligible, and immersed as they are in a Body of Flesh, they seldom think of thee who art all Spirit and Truth, and that tho' thou shinest into their very Eyes, and they see continually by thy Light. Thou makest their Day, and thou thyself art the only thing that is not seen by it. They take the Shadows of this Natural World for most real and solid things, and thy most substantial Realities they look upon as Shadows and Visionary Chimeras, and all Discourse about thee, (tho' never so Rational) as but extravagant and delirious Talking, or at best but as Notional Romancing, pure Metaphysical Reveree, a Subtilising upon a fine nothing. They are indeed united to thee by their Souls, but by their Bodies to this Sensible World, and as their Bodies are to them their principal Selves, this latter Alliance makes them insensible of the Former. Thou art nearer to them than this World is, nay than their very Bodies are, and yet they are far distant from thee, meet Aliens to thee, and so utterly insensible of thee, that they will hardly believe that thou art. If any mention be made of thy Name the amazed Vulgar stare, and the Learned gravely smile, and if the Discourse be any whit long, they sleep. But if they continue awake, they sleep however to thee. Tho' they were cast in thy Mould, and formed upon thy Model, yet (ungrateful Stupidity) they seldom or never mind their Original, nor look up to the Rock from whence they were hewn. But had Men but one clear and distinct View of thy rich intellectual Scene, could we but draw the Curtain of our Mortality so far, as but once to see thee as thou art, we should be so transported and ravished with thy Divine Beauty, so enamoured of thy glorious System, all shining with the very Essence of Being, and full of Grace and Truth, that we should lose not only all Value for this Sensible World, but even Sense itself too, and pass along in the Crowd and Throng of Creatures, without any Notice or Perception of them, all fixed and intent upon thy more engaging Views, not minding the Bodies we see, nor feeling those we touch. We should in a manner be dead to this sensible World, and alive only to thee.  
II. This great intellectual System is by some termed the Ideal, by some the Intelligible, and by some the Archetypal World, which are but so many relative Appellations for the same thing, to distinguish it according to so many different respects it carries to the System of created Being's, which accordingly is sometimes called the Natural, sometimes the Sensible, and sometimes the Ectypal World. It ought to be farther observed here, that when we say the Intelligible World, the meaning is not as if it did exist only in our Conception, and had no real Being out of it, after the manner of an Ens Rationis, but 'tis therefore so called, partly because 'tis the first and only proper Intelligible, the sole and immediate Object of all our intellectual Views, and that which exactly speaking is the very thing we always understand and reason about. And partly because 'tis a Word of a Nature purely spiritual and intellectual, and such as is not Sensible, but Intelligible only, and partly again because 'tis a World of a conceivable Being and Existence, and such indeed as we cannot but conceive to be, not subjected indeed to the perusal and examination of our bodily Senses, but as certain and as really and truly present to our Understanding, as this Natural World▪ is to our Sense. But chief is it so called because it is the Idea of this Sensible World, as being truly representative and expressive of it to the Understanding. For the Idea of a thing is intellingibly that thing, and as the Idea of a Circle is called an intelligible Circle, or the Idea of a Square an intelligible Square, because they express these things to our Thoughts, so in like manner the Idea of the World, or if you will, those Ideas which answer to the several Being's whereof it consists, may very reasonably and fitly be called the Intelligible World. Thus far the Theorist.  
Had not this Philosophy come from so excellent a Person, I should have used more Freedom in exposing it than I have done; but as Mr. Norris is the Author, I would not have allowed myself so much, did I think it could lessen any Man's Esteem of his Character and Deserts. However to countenance my own Reflections upon this Subject, I shall set down the Sentiments of some other Persons, who are allowed to be good Authors in their several Kind's. And now I assure the Reader, that there is nothing in the Book so hard to understand as this Advertisement itself, especially considering the first Quotation is to be in Latin.  

TESTIMONIA DE Mundo Intelligibili.  Erasmus in Moriae Encomio. 
QVID interesse censetis, inter eos, qui in specu Platonico variarum rerum umbras & simulacr●● demirentur, modo nihil desiderent, neque minus sibi placeant, & sapientem, qui specum egressus, veras res aspicit.  
Two cum nihil omnino sciant, tamen omnia se scire profitentur; cumque se ipsos ignorent, neque fossam aliquoties out saxum obvium videant, vel quia lippiunt plerique, vel quia peregrinantur animi, tamen Ideas universales, formas separatas, primas materias, quidditates, formalitates, instantia videre se praedicant, res adeo tenues, ut neque Lynceus, opinor, possit perspicere.  
Sunt innumer abiles 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 de formalitatibus, de quidditatibus, haeceitatibus, quas nemo possit oculis assequi, nisi tam Lynceus, ut ea quoque per altissimas tenebras videat, quae nusquam sunt.   

Out of Mr. Baker's Reflections upon Learning.  
IT is not every one that is capable of understanding Metaphysical Truths, and there are yet fewer that understand their use. 
Chap. IX. Page 98.  They are usually under the Conduct of subtle Men, and these nice Professors, instead of resolving Doubts, have spun out new Difficulties, and framed Labyrinths out of which they have scarce been able to disentangle themselves: So that Metaphysics, which were at first only Natural Theology, are now become the most artificial thing in the World.  
One need only dip into any System, to see how these Men are plunged in setting out, for whereas there are two things of principal Consideration in Metaphysical Knowledge, its Objects and Affections, and whereas Philosophers are pretty well agreed about the Object of other Sciences, as that Quantity is the Object of Mathematics; and Matter of Physics; and so of the rest; the Metaphysicians have not come to any tolerable Agreement about the Object of this Science, or Sapience, or what you will call it: Suarez produceth six different Opinions, and himself brings the seventh, which is his own. And as to its Affections, they are again at a plunge to find out Affections different from Being (which seems to comprehend every thing) for if the Affections and Subject are the same, their Demonstrations are Identical, and prove nothing.  
If any Man could have understood Aristotle, Avicen had the best Plea, who was as subtle a Philosopher, and studied him as much as perhaps any Man ever did; and yet after he had read his Metaphysics forty times over, and had them all by heart (which I will venture to say is more than ever any Man will do again) he was forced to lay him aside as unintelligible.  
I must rank Malebranch in the same Order with Mr. Poiret, whose Recherche has furnished out such refined and abstracted Metaphysics, as if they were designed for Comprehensors; he has exalted Ideas to their utmost Height, and because they bore not with them Certainty enough, whilst they were barely Operations of the Mind, or Representations from external Objects, he has placed them in Subject that cannot err, to wit, in the Wisdom of God himself, whom having supposed to be the place of Spirits, as Space is of Bodies, and that there is an intimate Union betwixt God and the Soul of Man, by attending to him, who is always prefential to our Minds, we are to see all things in this Ideal or Intelligible World 
a reach. L. 3. Par 2. Sect. 6. . Now tho' there can be no doubt, but God can lead us into all Truth, by displaying himself to us, and perhaps may deal thus with us when we are in Heaven, yet this way seems too supernatural whilst on Earth, and too clear for weak and frail Men, who are yet to know by Vision; and is withal so like the inward Light of a new Sect of Men, as not to make it over reputable: To which purpose it is very remarkable, that Malebranche's Opinion having been espoused of late, by an ingenious Person of our own, with all the Advantages of Beauty of Style and Perspicuity of Expression, yet the Men of new Light have taken such hold of it, as to make it necessary for him to write an Apology to disengage himself from the Quakers, who would needs have it thought they had gained a Proselyte 
b vid. Conned. of Hum. Life, page 183. : Wherein tho' he has distinguished himself from these People, yet thus much he owns, That if the Quakers understood their own Notion, and knew how to explain it, and into what Principles to resolve it, it would not very much differ from his.   

Out of Hudibras.  

Of Sir HUDIBRAS.  
HIS Notions fitted things so well,  
That which was which he could not tell;  
And oftentimes mistook the one  
For tother, as Great Clerks have done.  
He could reduce them all to Acts,  
And knew their Nature by Abstracts.  
He knew What's what, and that's as high  
As Metaphysic Wit can fly.  
In School Divinity as able  
As he that height Irrefragable;  
A second Thomas, or at once  
To name them all, another Duns.  
Profound in all the Nominal,  
And Real Ways, beyond them all,  
For he a Rope of Sand could twist,  
As tough as Learned Sorbonist.  
And wove fine Cobwebs, fit for scull  
That's Empty when the Moon is Full;  
Such as take Lodgings in a Head,  
That's to be let Unfurnished.  
Deep sighted in Intelligences  
Ideas, Atoms, Influences;  
And much of Terra Incognita,  
Th' Intelligible World could say;  
A deep Occult Philosopher,  
And learned as the Wild Irish are,  
Or Sir Agrippa, for profound,  
And solid Lying, much renowned.  
In Rosy-Crucian Lore as learned  
As he that veré Adeptus earned.  
He'd extract Numbers out of Matter,  
And keep them in a Glass, like Water.  
Of Sovereign Power to make Men wise;  
For dropped in blear, thick-sighted Eyes,  
They'd make them see in darkest Night,  
Like Owls, tho' purblind in the Light.  
By help of these (as he professed)  
He had first Matter seen Undressed:  
He took her naked all alone,  
Before one Rag of Form was on.  
So th' ancient Stoics in their Porch  
With fierce Dispute maintained their  
Church,  
Beat out their Brains in Fight and Study,  
To prove that Virtue is a Body;  
That Bonum is an Animal,  
Made Good with stout polemic Brawl.   

Of SYDROPHEL the Conjurer.  
THE Intelligible World he knew,  
And all Men dream on't, to be true:  
That in this World there's not a Wart  
That has not there a Counterpart;  
Nor can there on the Face of Ground  
An Individual Beard be found,  
That has not in that foreign Nation  
A Fellow of the selfsame Fashion;  
So cut, so coloured and so curled,  
As those in the inferior World.    
The Intelligible World, saith Hudibras his Annotator, is a kind of Terra del Fuego, or Psittacorum Regio, discovered only by the Philosophers, of which they talk, like Parrots, what they do not understand. No Nation in the World is more addicted to this occult Philosophy than the wild Irish. Upon this Distich 
Where Truth in Person does appear,  
Like Words congealed in Northern Air,  he has these Notes.  
Some Authors have mistaken Truth for a Real thing, when it is nothing but a right method of putting those Notions or Images of things (in the Understanding of Man) into the same State and Order, that their Originals hold in Nature.  
Some report that in Nova Zembla; and Greenland, Men's Words are wont to be frozen in the Air, and at the Thaw may be heard.  

De Idea Platonica quemadmodum Aristoteles intellexit.  
DIcite sacrorum praesides nemorum deae,  
Tuque O noveni perbeata numinis  
Memoria mater, quaeque in immenso procul  
Antro recumbis otiosa Aeternitas,  
Monumenta servans, & ratas leges jovis,  
Caelique fastos atque ephemeridas Deum,  
Quis ille primus cujus ex imagine  
Natura solers finxit humanum genus,  
Aeternus, incorruptus, aequaevus polo,  
Vnusque & universus, exemplar Dei?  
Haud ille Palladis gemellus innubae  
Interna proles insidet menti jovis;  
Sed quamlibet natura sit communior,  
Tamen seor sùs extat ad morem unius,  
Et, mira, certo stringitur spatio loci;  
Seu sempiternus ille syderum comes  
Caeli pererrat ordines decemplicis,  
Citimùmque terris incolit Lunae globum:  
Sive inter animas corpus aditurus sedens  
Oblivios as torpet ad Lethes aquas:  
Sive in remotâ forte terrarum plagâ  
Incedit ingens hominis archetypus gigas,  
Et iis tremendus erigit celsum caput  
Atlante major portitore syderum.  
Non cui profundum caecitaslumen dedit  
Dircaeus augur vidit hunc alto sinu▪  
Non hunc silenti nocte Pleiones nepos  
Vatum sagaci praepes ostendit choro;  
Non hunc sacerdos novit Assyrius, licet  
Longos vetusti commemoret atavos Nini,  
Priscumque Belon, inclytumque Ofiridem,  
Non ille trino gloriosus nomine  
Ter magnus Hermes (ut sit arcani sciens)  
Talem reliquit Isidis cultoribus.  
At tu perenne ruris Academi decus  
(Haec monstra si tu primus induxti scholis)  
jam jam poetas urbis exules tuae  
Revocabis, ipse fabulator maximus,  
Aut institutor ipse migrabis foras.    

SECT. II.  
Of Prefaces.  
Learned Reader,  
WHEN you have settled your grand Affair with Mr. Stationer concerning the Purchase of this Golden Manual, you are desired to receive a modest Address from the Author. Some thing must be said to a Person of your Character and Office, towards rendering him attended and docile, especially where the subject Matters are profound and intricate, as well as important; and some Civilities must needs pass between Author and Reader, towards introducing a better acquaintance, before they proceed to their main Business. It must indeed be owned, that many Readers of great Candour and Judgement, being endued with a mighty timorous Constitution, can never enter upon a Preface, Introduction, or Apparatus without the utmost Circumspection, and very great Uneasiness, lest in every Line some fly thing should be lurking to circumvent their Judgements. Now I am willing to do all I can towards easing their Minds of such Jealousies, and therefore assure those Faint-hearted Gentlemen, upon the Word of an honest Author, (if an Author can be honest in these times) that they may boldly and safely venture through, even to the Catastrophe, nay the very Peroration or final Period of All. The only thing to be apprehended, is that by too great Precipitancy, many Graces of Composition may escape notice; much Watchfulness and Advertency of thought being necessary to discern them all, as you go on, where they are strewed so thick in your way. For, tho' I have clothed this Body of Philosophy in the most proper and pellucid Dress, yet the Beauties of it are too Fine to be easily distinguished at first View, as they are too Dazzling to be long contemplated. There is also a vigorous Spirit pervading the Whole, and pregnant with Sentiments of a surprising Nature, being either wonderfully Sublime, or vastly Profound, but generally both; which shows how mighty a Capacity is required to comprehend them. However, there is nothing to trepan any inadvertent Reader, nor the least Design upon him, but what is purely and solely for his own Good. Alas, I am so far from drawing up a subtle Harangue to bespeak your good Will, or prepossess you in Favour of an idle, unorthodox, or injudicious Book, that I am fully resolved to make this very Preface almost as valuable as the Book itself, and perhaps twice as long. Nay I can witness this for myself, that I have had much Debate in my own Thoughts which would serve best for the Book, and which should stand for the Preface; whether it agrees with the Rules of Grammar, or of Heraldry, that the Book should be accounted the more worthy, or the more Honourable, of the Two. Due Examination being had, and all Arguments weighed on both sides, I could not in Equity, but give it for the Preface; as well because, by the universal Consent of Nations, it was always allowed the Precedence, as because the Book has no other Office but that of filling up a Gap in the Middle, 
See the Treatise in Praise of the Gout.  when it happens that a few useless Inter-leaves may be spared from the Introduction and the Index. This shows us what a strange Absurdity our modern Innovators have run into, who bring in the Book before their Chief Preface, or which is all one, put off what was promised in the Title-page, till the Candid Reader gins to grow impatient; for who can bear to see things so preposterously disposed, that all the principal Matters, which have an undoubted Right to be admitted in the Preface, should violently be kept out, and reserved to make up a pitiful Appendage, that is appointed to come servilely in the Rear of it: as if the Head should be forced to change place with the Belly, or the Brains thrust down to take their Seat in the lower Region.   

SECT. III.  
Of the great Importance of this Theory, and the Applause it has been received with. Of the Author's Loyalty, Honest Designs and Eminent Poverty.  
EVery sagacious Person must needs be sensible, how much it imports the Highlands of Scotland, the Dominion of Wales, and the Town of Berwick upon Tweed, to procure a right understanding of this noble Subject I have undertaken to expound. As for my own Performance, tho' I have promised to insinuate nothing that may any way Bias the Reader's Judgement, yet this I may fairly say, that, such as it is, it has been very kindly entertained in the Places abovementioned; neither is any modern Treatise of Philosophy, except the two incomparable Works of Father Malebranche and Mr. Asgyl, so much enquired after, studied and admired in all the Intelligible World, which is most concerned in it, and best understands its worth. It has already been translated into all the Ideal Languages with great and faithful Exactness, in each of which it has sold off near twenty Editions. Nay, such a peculiar Disposition of reserved, private and modest Liberality appears in some Noble and Refined Spirits, that the Author has been surprised with several imaginary Presents, tho' he could never find out any one Donor, by all the flattering Designs and cunning Projects that he could contrive. Some of these Bounties were very considerable, being larger Sums than he had ever been Master of, or could now have expected. Hereby to his great Satisfaction, he is grown strangely enriched in Idea, all of a sudden; and has happily attained the great Ends of all his Study, having ever laboured to do Some public Service to the World, and withal to get a Penny for his own▪ private Use. Till now, he never succeeded to his Wish, nor was Fortune ever so kind to bestow upon him, either a Pension, or any thing of that nature, suitable to his Deserts, and the Greatness of his Spirit. Neither did it avail him any thing to have been a Person of unshaken Virtue and Loyalty, which he must be acknowledged to have approved himself upon all Occasions. This indeed is the more Remarkable in him, as having formerly been known a Furious jacobite, and continuing at present a Furious Republican, and a Furious Preacher of Scotch Moderation, having some time ago learned, and settled in his Heart many a good and useful Doctrine, among which this is laid down for a Fundamental, That since by the unanimous Confession of experienced Statesmen and Casuists, Time is the only thing which brings about all our good Fortune, and is consequently our best Friend and Benefactor, we are manifestly engaged by Gratitude and Generosity to be true to it, and never shrink from serving it to the best of our Power, in any the worst Circumstances, or Revolutions of Condition it can fall into.   

SECT. iv  
The great Use of Defamation and Flattery, when wisely administered. The Author's ill Success therein.  
HAving observed that small Advantage accrues from praising Men of Honour and Integrity, or censuring of Knaves, I formerly resolved upon the contrary Method of bestowing Satyrs upon all that are loyal and virtuous, and Panegyrics upon another's sort of good People. But in both kinds I found some of my Betters so expert, that I could not hope to find my accounts, or make any Figure in either. The first Essay I made of my Faculty was at Nando's Coffee-house, where, not considering who lolled at my Elbow, I ventured to let fly half a dozen strong Lies against Archbishop Laud, together with a smooth Sentence in Defence of Trimming; and what should I find in Print within a Week, but these very Products of my own Impudence; the former displayed in the Observator with ample Improvements, and the latter set down in Dr. Davenant's Essay upon the Versatility of his own Soul, and not without a formal Allusion to Tacitus. These are all to be seen still in my Common-place-Book, and any Gentleman that pleases may command the Sight. I resented this Affair, as very unkind Usage from my Brother Touchin, tho' I would not take so much notice of Dr. D— nt's little Theft, because he was then as it were a Stranger, and but newly come over to our Party.   

A Section.  
MY next Project was to beg a small Estate of the Muses; in Hopes of whose Favour, I made them daily Libations of liquid Jet, and sacrificed to their Deities, each year, a hundred Reams of Paper. The Reader will see that my Oblations have not been quite in vain, if among all the Poems in this Volume, he can discover which are my own: and I done't in the least mistrust a Person of his singular, and so well known Humanity, but that he will vouchsafe to Father upon his humble Servant the most deformed Pieces that, with great Diligence, he shall be able to cull out.  

Pope Joan's Kissing-Dance. BALLAD.  

I.  
ALL you that do to Love belong,  
Mind what my Tale discovers,  
And listen well to this new Song,  
A strange Rondeau of Lovers.   

II.  
There were eight Lads so Blithe and Gay,  
That loved seven Buxom Lasses;  
But that's untoward alack-a-day,  
When each his Love misplaces.   

III.  
Young Roger made a Vow (d'ye see?)  
To be a Spark of Lucy's;  
But Lucy longed the Spouse to be  
Of joseph, that so spruce is.   

iv  
Now Nan had won the Love of joseph,  
His Heart, and eke his Faney;  
He'd be content to lose his Nose, if  
He could but gain his Nancy.   

V  
Nan cut her Heart in two, to share it  
'Twixt Marmaduke and Aaron;  
Both likely Lads, quoth she, I'll swear it,  
As Maids need wish to stare on.   

VI  
Both Marmaduke and Aaron courted  
Kate, Daughter to a Pricklouse,  
Tho' Katern with her Suitors sported,  
For her Sweetheart was Nicolas.   

VII.  
This Nicolas wooed young joan, who ne'er  
With such a Spark would takeup,  
For joan, as sure as you are there,  
Had a Month's Mind to jacob.   

VIII.  
Poor jacob made a woeful Stir  
To compass nut-brown Lettuce,  
And failed with much ado, for her  
Affections never met his.   

IX.  
Lettuce likewise her Love was crossed in,  
(Fate ordered it should so be)  
For once in vain she courted Austin,  
And now in vain woos Toby.   

X.  
What Maid would wish to be in her Case?  
For Toby she's so fond on,  
Run almost mad for little Dorcas,  
That newly came from London.   

XI.  
Whereas she purely came to visit  
Her Fellow-servant Edward,  
To see his pretty Face, and kiss it,  
And gladly would go bedward.   

XII.  
While Ned his little Dorcas answered,  
For loving I don't blame ye,  
'Cause you may take an honest Man's  
Word,  
That I as much love Amy▪   

XIII. [See Stanza 3.]  
Amy so passing fair to look on,  
And slender to behold,  
Cried till her Heart was almost broken,  
She would be Roger's Consort.   
This Passage seems to have been corrupted, as may be gathered from the last Line, in which the Rhyme is something stiff and harsh, not coming up to that Easiness of Sound which is found in other Parts of the Poem. This Difficulty is evaded by the ingenious Conjecture of Joseph Scaliger, who is therein universally followed by the Critics, having restored the●Text by this Correction.  

Amy, belike, so stayed a Body,  
(You'd say so had you seen her)  
Doted on Roger So-Adod I  
Should ne'er of thought 'twas in her.   

XIV.  
These People good, in saddest Mood,  
With Love grown woundy stupid,  
Made piteous Plaints, and told their wants  
To Hymen and to Cupid.   

XV.  
Fain would they wed in Ring so round,  
Eight Husbands and seven Wives;  
And doubtless they must needs have found  
Great Comfort of their Lives.   

XVI.  
But 'twas a puzzling Case to Hymen;  
O strange! said he, 'twill work ill,  
For I've no Licences to tie Men,  
And Maids in such a Circle.   

XVII.  
He bid them be, as 'twas but right,  
Content with this Expedient,  
To kiss all round, for so all might  
Have Kissing, that had need on't.   

XVIII. [See Stanza 3.]  
Young Roger should begin the Play,  
The rest were, in their Season,  
To put it round in friendly way,  
And do each other Reason.   

XIX.  
So Roger tall did Lucy call,  
Quoth he, I'll not abuse ye;  
Good sooth it would have done one Good  
To see him kiss sweet Lucy.   

XX.  
Then Lucy fair demands her Share  
Of her dear Sweetheart Josey,  
And kissed him so, all People know  
They both grew wondrous Rosy.   

XXI. [See Stanza 4.]  
Next joe did greet his Nan, as sweet  
A Damsel as you can see;  
Nan for this Youth made up her Mouth,  
So joseph kissed his Nancy.   

XXII. [See Stanza 5.]  
Her Sparks were twain, and that being plain,  
Some said that she might spare one;  
She by her Troth, cried, none or both,  
And kissed one more than Aaron.   

XXIII. [See Stanza 6.]  
Then Marmadoke and Aaron broke  
Their Minds to Kate the Slattern;  
Kind Kate held out her dainty Snout,  
And O how they kissed Katern!   

XXIV.  
O Nicolas, Nicolas, where's my Nic laid?  
Quoth Kate the tailor's Daughter,  
And kissed, and was with Joy so tickled,  
She scarce could hold her Water.   

XXV. [See Stanza 7.]  
Nic run to joan, that had no Stays on,  
But looked as red as Claret,  
And kissed her so, that 'twould amaze one  
How any Maid could bear it.   

XXVI.  
joan flew at jacob most outrageous,  
And kissed, and called him Sweeting;  
Can he have bleated, as Cinque-trey does,  
Uds-bobs, she'd stop his Bleating.   

XXVII. [See Stanza 8.]  
O Lettuce, then quoth jacob stout,  
On thy true Love take pity;  
She bid him kiss his kissing out,  
Because he was so witty.   

XXVIII. [See Stanza 9]  
But Lettuce called aloud for Toby,  
As one would call for Mustard;  
He fain would give fair Let the Go-by,  
But Lettuce kissed him first hard.   

XXIX. [See Stanza 10.]  
'Tis strange to tell, or to declare,  
How ‛ joby simpered,  
When he got Dorcas his own Dear,  
And kissed her quite half dead.   

XXX. [See Stanza 11.]  
Dorcas, she leered on Ned, right wistful,  
And kissed him all to Pieces,  
So fired, that were she but a Pistol,  
She had gone off in Face his.   

XXXI. [See Stanza 12.]  
Sir Edward made her not Repartee,  
Tho' he was kissed so Fashion,  
As knowing well, by Rules of Art, she  
Had done it in her Passion.   

XXXII.  
And then himself was passionate too  
Of Amy, Queen of Spinsters;  
He threw his Wig off, and his Hat too,  
And run his Face ag'inst hers.   

XXXIII.  
He toused her with his Beard, so Bushy  
'Twas far and near admired,  
And tore her Coif quite off, altho' she  
Had scarce wherewith to tie her Head.   

XXXIV.  
Poor Folks may be, most sartinlee,  
In Love as well as Ladies,  
And kiss as well, for aught I can tell,  
As they with all their Gayities.   

XXXV. [See Stanza 13.]  
Amy ne'er let a Sweetheart dodge her,  
But kissed like any Widow,  
And stifled Roger, tho' poor Roger  
Loved her no more than I do.   

XXXVI.  
Thus finely they all danced the Hay▪  
Or the best Boy of Mother;  
The jest went round, & none were found  
That would not pledge the other.   

XXXVII.  
At length they closed, and whisked about,  
As those that Margery-Cree dance,  
Or like to Folk quite wearied out,  
Who fain would make good Riddance.   

XXXVIII.  
Yet loath to give it over, they cried,  
How cursed fast the Day stirs!  
Tho' before Night, or they're belied,  
●heir Lips all needed Plasters.   

XXXIX.  
There ne'er was known, in all the Town,  
Such Kissing as this same was;  
Yet, keeping Lent (as is Decent)  
Pray who, quo' they, can blame us?   

XL.  
For since (as Hymen told them plain)  
Tho' they most grievously burn,  
The Wedding-Noose will ne'er contain  
So many as will Tyburn.   

XLI.  
They all resolve to live right Honest,  
And never be upbraided.  
O that Young Folk were all admonished  
To do no worse than they did!   

XLII.  
But for all this, they did not miss  
Each Sunday after Sarmint,  
To meet and kiss, some more, some less;  
For Kissing has no Harm in't.   
There is a different Reading of this Stanza in the Vatican Manuscript, where it runs thus,  

And yet they loved, as you may guests,  
To do a thing would charm one,  
And kiss a little, more or less;  
For Kissing is no Harm, Mun.   

XLIII.  
Nor would they fail, for a Dozen of Ale,  
To kiss before the King and  
His Gracious Queen, on Turnham-Green,  
Or any Ground in England.   

XLIV.  
Suppose you might see such a Sight,  
As Cupid and as I did,  
Whate'er you are, I'd almost swear  
You'd not be much affrighted.   

Sic visum est Veneri, cui placet impares  
Formas atque animos sub juga ahenea  
Saevo mittere cum joco.   

Virtus S●ipiadae & mitis sapientia Laeli,  
Quando se a vulg● & scenâin secreta Remârant,  
Nugari soliti & Discincti ludere.    

The Ideal, or Precarious Beauty. SONG.  

I.  
Damned for ever to complain,  
Must I court, and court in vain?  
Phyllis, let Interest make you kind,  
If nothing else will do;  
Should Conceit, which makes you blind,  
Clear these Eyes and change my Mind,  
What would your Pride come to?   

II.  
Foolish Phyllis not to know  
Where you all these Beauties own!  
The wicked Town won't own thee fair,  
Then thank the Man that will;  
Beauty you but seem to wear;  
Beauty's self can scarce compare  
With Doting Fancy's Skill.   

III.  
Fancy paints the Nymph Divine,  
Thus your very Charms are mine;  
'Tis Fancy, Phyllis, make the Chain,  
And binds me with the same:  
But should Phyllis slight my Pain,  
Fancied turn me lose again,  
And spurn the scornful Dame.   

iv  
Beauteous Angel then no more,  
But homely Phyllis as before.  
Ah— never, no— well then comply,  
Since Fancy all procures:  
Do but real Blisses try;  
Pay my Fancy with true Joy;  
And all the Charms be yours.    

The Good Advice. SONG.  

I.  
CLoe be wi●e and soon comply,  
Thirty and five i● coming on;  
Then all your Train, as well as I,  
Will leave Adoring and be gone.   

II.  
When wrinkled Age deforms the Brow▪  
All will deride the withered Case,  
The very-Glass which flatters now,  
Will call Old-Woman to your Face.   

III.  
Youth is the Parent of Desire,  
And Beauty each Beholder burns,  
But none will ●et their Hearts on Fire▪  
At Flames expiring in their Urns.    

The XLII. Ode of Anacreon. Upon CUPID's Darts. Done into English by Dr. w— ●.  
AS Vulcan at his 〈◊〉,  
Forging Love's Darts, gentle and good,  
Of Red-hot Steel; which did retain  
Some Sparks, that use to burn again;  
Venus in Honey dipped them all,  
And Love allayed the Sweets with Gall.  
When furious Mars returned from Fight  
Without a glimmering of Delight.  
No smiling Looks, no unusual Grace  
Disturbed the Majesty of his Face.  
In's dreadful Hand a Spear he bore,  
The rougher Instrument of War.  
And laughing took▪ up Love's light Dart,  
(But little thought it caused such Smart)  
This is, said he, a pretty Toy,  
A Play-thing fit for such a Boy;  
Cupid at length made this Reply▪  
Sir, if you please the Lightness try▪  
With that he shot the new-made Arrow▪  
Which pierced him to the very Marrow,  
And wounded deep: but Venus smiled  
To see the God of War beguiled.  
Who vainly prayed; hence, hence remove  
The Dart, I feel enough of Love.  
No, no, Love cried, your Pain enjoy,  
You know my Arrow's but a Toy.   

The Same, IN Another Translation:  
Some Verses of which the Translator himself dislikes, but could not for his Life make 〈◊〉 better●●, such was the great Unkindness of his Muse.  

WLCAN did once his File employ  
To point new Darts for Venu's Boy;  
Venus in Honey dipped them all  
But Cupid tempered it with Gall  
Meanwhile there came the God of War,  
Shaking in's Hand a bloody Spear;  
And laughed at Cupid's Tools, too light,  
And weak to be employed in Fight.  
Here's one, says Love, perhaps you'll find  
Strong and Heavy to your Mind.  
Mars took the Dart with no ill Thought,  
While Venus smiled to see him caught.  
He could not now the Truth deny,  
But owned it Heavy, with a sigh,  
Here, Love, said he, pray take't away;  
No, no cried Love, you keep it pray.   
Madam Dacier tells us that the Beauty of this Ode transported her Father into a Couple of such Distiches as the Reader will be glad to see.  
〈…〉  
〈…〉  
〈…〉  
〈…〉  
  

The Vanity of Riches, Imitated from ANACREON. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  

I.  
Can Gold immortalize a man,  
Or stretch his Days beyond their Span;  
Can it retain our parting Breath;  
Or blunt the pointed Sting of Death;  
I'd cringe, I'd write, I'd fawn, I'd pray  
All Parties favour, all obey,  
To raise vast Treasures of the precious Clay.   

II.  
But since these Toys, these glittering Baits,  
These little Arts, these holy Cheats,  
Since all their Stores will nought avail,  
When drooping Nature once does fail,  
Why this Clutter, why this Pain,  
Why this Sweeting all in vain,  
For great Preferments, and a gaudy Train?   

III.  
Death makes the Bays, the Robes, the Gown  
To lay their fading Honours down,  
Nor can their Bribes make him relent,  
Or their impending Fate prevent:  
Then since these mighty Men, and I,  
The Rich, the Poor and all must die,  
Why should I heap up Wealth, O, Tell me why?   

iv  
No, blooming Garlands round me twine,  
I'll drink, carouse; the Presents mine.  
To Wine and Pleasure, come, let's give,  
The small Remains we have to live;  
Then lest by Sickness Youth decay,  
In ceaseless Joys we'll spend away  
(All over Wine and Love) the Night and Day.    

A SONG  

IMpartial Chloe is in hate,  
Thousands have loved, but loved in vain:  
And all have met an equal Fate,  
Whilst Chloe triumphs o'er the slain.   

2.  
I only live, whilst after these  
So goodly Triumphs of her Eyes,  
After so many Victories got,  
Chloe contemns so poor a Prize.   

3.  
Nay why should I, my Chloe, prove  
The cruel Force of your Disdain?  
Why shall so base a Victim fall,  
And all your former Trophies slain?   

4.  
Even Pride at length may Kindness work,  
And Scorn itself preserve a Slave;  
For whom your Hate disdains to kill,  
Your Love can do no less than save.     

Advertisement.  
You are to consider that the following Poem was written at Cambridge, about Two Months after I had commenced Doctor of Law. The Design of it is to keep up the Spirit and the Reputation of Rhyme, now in Danger to be thrust out of the World by some invidious Persons, notwithstanding the Laudable Endeavours of Mr. Bishe, and Mr Why— lie, to the contrary. I may be bold to say, that my Composition is according to the Dictonary, and to the strictest Rules of Poetry; only with this Improvement of the Poetica Licentia, That Euphoniae Gratiâ, or for Rymes sake, I have presumed to call several things out of their Names, affixing new Significations to some Words of our Language, which were before too barren; be pleased therefore to take exact Notice that Drum Signifies College-Commons. Black-Art Long Vacation. Make a Mansion Tarry. Origine Beginning. Terminus Term.  
This Advertisement being duly considered and kept in Mind, you may proceed to the Perusal of the Poem, as it here stands before you, with great Hopes of Satisfaction.  

A Poem upon Raisins and Almonds: OR THE Passage from Dover to Calais.  
TO their Respective Halls few Scholars come,  
Just at this Time, with Teeth to chew their Drum;  
For this Time being the Time of Black-Art,  
Most of them all from fair Town-Walls departed;  
Each makes a Mansion in his Rural-House,  
Until the Origine of Terminus.  
Now than they come, dropping to Town in Troops,  
As thick as any Millstone is, or Hops.  
If I would tell their-Names, I say if I would do't,  
T'ud take up too much Ink, and Paper unto Boot.   

The Mourning Nymph. SONG.  

I.  
IN pity, Fate, let poor Marseilles die,  
Pale Death shall come in joyous Hymen's place;  
That poor Marseilles, and her Swain, may lie  
In one unrivalled Grave, and cold Embrace.  
A happy Pair down to the Shades we'll go,  
And Lover's Pensive Ghosts will give us Joy  
below.   

II.  
Or if in vain to Fate I've prayed,  
Yet on my Damon's Tomb  
Death shall find Marseilles laid;  
There I'll lament my Shepherd's Doom.  
I'll weary Heaven itself with Prayers,  
With Sighs, Complaints, and ceaseless Tears,  
Till all the Powers above relent,  
Or I turn Stone, to be his Monument.   

III.  
For ever will this wounded Breast  
My Damon, and his mournful story, bear  
In deepest Characters impressed;  
There will his lasting Epitaph appear.  
for ever his dear, sacred, Dust I'll keep,  
For ever in my Marble weep.    

The Same, Varied by Another Hand.  
IN Pity, Fate, let poor Flavelia die,  
And grant me, Death, what Hymen could deny,  
Led me, Dear Monarch, to that blissful place  
Of one unrivalled Grave and cold Embrace;  
Down to thy Realms, a happy Pair, we'll go  
And discontented Shades shall give us Joy below.  
If not, a Coarse, on Damon's Tomb I'll lie,  
And weary Heaven, if Hell won't hear my Cry.  
I'll never, never cease to mourn my Swain,  
Till stiff with Grief, and stupefied with Pain,  
The kinder Gods shall at the Sight relent,  
And turn me quite to Stone to build his Monument.  
Then in this Vault his sweet Remains shall rest,  
Long, long, enjoy their dear Flavelia's Breast,  
No Poet there shall grave his flattering Song,  
Nor loud officious Friends lament my Wrong.  
My Heart, thus changed, his old deep Lines shall keep,  
And ceaseless Streams of Tears the faithful Stone  
shall weep.    

SECT. XXI.  
A Discovery made who the Author is. Something said concerning his Mistress, and the same immediately contradicted.  
'TIS possible I may hardly find Credit among many wellmeaning People, when I declare that this Damon is no other, than my own self, tho' still alive; but as for Marseilles, alias Flavelia, that appears to be so desperately afflicted for my Death, I must own that she is utterly unknown to me. However, I pity the unfortunate Lady, not doubting but she is a very Lovely and very Worthy Person; for, otherwise, 'tis highly probable she would not be so much concerned. whoever the Lady be, in composing this Poem, I designed that after my Death, which at that time was hourly expected by my Heirs, it should pass in her Name, both for her Honour and my own; as by the Whiningness of it, you may believe it was indicted in a melancholic Season. But since my happy Recovery, I am taken with a Jealousy, that the said Nymph deals by me disloyally, entertaining my worthless Rival, to her own Dishonour, and my Despair. Therefore I now think it Reason to take to myself the Credit of my own Verses, and make public my loving Intention of entitling them to Marseilles, that the World may see the Justice of my Deal, and what she has lost by playing me false.  
Together with this Ditty I had devised an Epitaph for myself, that my Memory might be preserved in my own Works; besides that I was unwilling to have Marseilles turn herself to Stone on purpose. Now such is the Nature of that kind of Composition, as necessitated my speaking much in my own Commendation, and making a Catalogue of all my extraordinary Endowments. For this reason it might be construed a piece of Immodesty to let it come abroad in my Life-time, and seems therefore more advisable to reserve it for one of my postumous Works. Among these will be found also very particular Memoirs of all, even the very minutest of my Concerns; especially my most material Thoughts, which I never yet discovered, and the wise Say that I chief delight in. Of all which I give this public Advertisement, because it will be a mighty Help to the Learned Person, who is to be the Writer of my Life, for whom I always entertain a very particular Respect, and therefore bequeath to him the said Journal, not doubting but he will perform according to the Dignity of the Subject, and thereby lay the highest Obligation upon Posterity.   

A Section following the Former.  
IT was well for these innocent Verses here present, as likewise for me and my happy Reader, that Fate provided for their Security from all the Injuries of inclement Seasons, the hostile Invasions of domestic Vermin, and the Rage of devouring Elements; being partly carbonadoed out upon the Walls of my Garret, and partly fumigated upon my Ceiling with a Taper of Sheep's Wax. The single Elegy that treats of Raisins and Almonds, happened to remain alive in my Cerebellum, having but newly been engendered there by a wonderful Irradiation from that masculine Muse with which Mr. Why— lie is now Possessed. Had these, or any of these been entrusted to frail Paper, they had certainly been delivered over to secular Flames and eternal Oblivion; the same Fate that was undergone by some Thousands of their Fellows, altogether as deserving as themselves. That fatal Execution has since cost me a sad Repentance; but it was done in the heat of Passion, and 'tis a Happiness these few were preserved for my Comfort. Immediately after the Massacre was committed, I found means to enter myself among a Club of Pamphleteers, which was truly the best regulated Society that I have known, except only some four or five of our Academies. When a Volume of any considerable Figure was in hand, every Man had his particular Province assigned him, according as he was Gifted.  
For this excellent Method of Proceeding the Hint was borrowed from the ancient and famous Corporation of Cyclopses at Bromigham. Alii, saith Dr. Plot, in his incomparable Natural History of Stafford shire, 

— Taurinis Follibus auras  
Accipiunt Redduntque alii Stridentia ting unt  
Aera lacu, etc.—   

This Vulcan shapes the Hast, that files the Blade;  
These whet Love's Wanton Darts, and those Death's Fatal Spade.  
One works the Keyhole, others turn the Wards,  
And others form the Bolt, which Golden Treasure Guards.   Mr. Dryden in Hind and Panther. 
Haud aliter, si parva licet componere magnis,  
In our Society,  
— Pressit Labor omnes  
Improbus, & duris urgens in Rebus Egestas;  
Munere quemque suo; Grandavis Lexica curae,  
Et munere the Margin, & horrid fingere Scandal,  
Sunt queis Praelorum cecidit custodia sorti;  
Inque vicem speculantur opus, Velut agmine facto  
Ignavum Criticos pecus a Praesepibus arcent,  
Aut oner a Accipiunt collectorum.   
One was constantly at Work in compiling Prolegomena; there were Two Members that flourished all our Dedications; a Fourth had a happy Genius for setting out Title-Pages, and my Talon was thought most proper for putting together an Index. One Month by constant Practice, had made me such a Proficient in this Faculty, as is Incredible to tell, and it might indeed look like a piece of Vanity for a Man to publish it of himself. Thus much perhaps may be said with Modesty of my great Dexterity, that I am able to set down a copious Index without ever casting an Eye upon the Book. Reader, this is not a thing for every Man to pretend to; but I say no more; you shall have a Sample at the End, if the paper holds out.  
By this time, 'tis to be supposed, you begin to think me a rising Man, and my Business certainly done; as to which erroneous Conclusion, I hold myself obliged to undeceive a Person of your Sagacity and Deserts; for tho' I was, and am, Master of such extraordinary Abilities, and my Brother Penmen in their several ways, but little behind me, yet were we soon reduced to Ruin and Despair by private Interlopers. Their Names and Characters, with all their Rogueries, you shall know at a more convenient Opportunity.  Sua quisque teneat non vitiosa.  

SECT. XXIII.  
A Section Principally designed for the Benefit of Philosophers, and other wise People.  
SInce the foresaid Index-Trade proves so dead, and the Gains so vastly short of what we had promised ourselves, it has been in my Thoughts, that if any way could be contrived to pass myself upon the World for a Person of rare and singular Wisdom, some extraordinary Preferment, or at least a Good Accession to my poor Income might ensue. Bend upon this Project, it cost me infinite Pains in Collecting wise Sayings, and raking together a Heap of Proverbs, whereof I found it requisite that a sufficient Fund should be laid in to deliver out at prop●● Seasons, by way of Observation or Instruction. I likewise stinted myself 〈◊〉 my Walks, to proceed but five Steps 〈◊〉 three Minutes and two Seconds, not forgetting to bind up my sweet Countenance to a profound Gravity of Behaviour, 〈◊〉 that for every Half-smile allowed to daw●● upon it for a Half-minute; it has bee●● some Years under Covenant to look Studious, and lie overcast with Frowns, fo●● at least three Hours together. Besides this, it has verily from Nature the peculiar Felicity of a Cloudy, Sullen an●● Philosophical Beauty, which is of muc● Use and Assistance as to the Business 〈◊〉 Wisdom. Yet being myself, by the Benefit also of my Constitution, wonderfully inclined to Simplicity, after all my Care and Strive, I have found ou●● that 'tis a more difficult Part for a Fool or a Fool's Mate to act the Wiseman; than for a Wiseman in time of Need, or when the Humour takes him, to play the Fool. Thus— I did once read it recorded of some Counterfeit, that they have upon Occasion pretended themselves dead, but never knew any, to the ●est of my Memory, how sly and cunning so ever, that when they were really defunct, or dead in good earnest, could make as if they were alive.  Misce Stultitiam conciliis brevem.  

SECT. XXIV  
Of my so famous Tincture for the Wit, approved by the Author's own Experience for above two and thirty Years, as likewise by several impossible Cures it has wrought upon Persons of Quality in and about this Kingdom; who can testify that it mightily helps Digestion of what you take inwardly, removes Dulness, comforts the Vital Heat, strengthens the Poetic Spirit, helps Inspiration, provokes Rhyming, cherishes the Fancy, corrects the judgement, etc. By excoriating all▪ membranous Diaphragms in the Musculus Ensiformis; and finally it brings your Vena Docta to a due Crasis of Body, and is a Medicine infinitely Preferable to any hitherto in Use among the Critics, and will keep its Virtue in long Voyages for th●● Benefit of Seafaring Persons, especially such as dwell in Her Majesty's Navy, 〈◊〉 otherwise reside in long Voyages.  
FOreseeing that this Volume may possibly fall into the Hands of some Person, or Persons, either so very Fruga●● or so very Injudicious, as to repent the Purchase, I had once thought to throw into my Purchaser's Bargain the mo●● valuable Thing I could present him with● even a Discovery of my whole Art 〈◊〉 Writing, or the Means whereby I hav● attained to such wonderful Perfection● This my generous and noble Design wa● favoured by a Rule of Heraldry that I remembered to have seen in Tully, 〈◊〉 somewhere delivers it for his Opinion that 'tis more Honourable to sell A●● than the Productions of Art. Now 〈◊〉 have always been a Person very ambitious of the most Honourable Employment (even tho' they should happen to be en●cumber'd with vast Revenues) and likewise reverence the Philosophical Rea●sonings of that worthy Author at a 〈◊〉 Distance, without presuming to enter, intrude, approach, or pretend the least Acquaintance with their Excellencies; but standing off with a contented Modesty, and paying the Homage of implicit Deference. My foresaid laudable Inclination was likewise encouraged by the Authority of Father M—che, and abstarcted Person who has blessed human Race with such an unparlleled Composition as never fails to incite the staring Faculty most strangely, either by way of Astonishment, if the Man have a strong Constitution of Mind, or by way of ●rency, in Case the Enthusiastic Recipes succeed, and work the desired Effect on the Patient-Disciple's Intellectuals. Yet this Admirable Philosopher has cautioned the World against all Kind of Admiration, as highly pernicious to the Welfare of human Understanding, and a great Obstruction to the Growth of Truth. Now whereas I have a most tender Concern both for the Preservation and Improvement of my good Reader's Senses, and this Treatise of mine is also calculated to provoke the most passionate Admiration, especially in the greatest and finest Spirits, which are not only most precious, but soon endangered; in such a Case as this, I judged it would become and Author to use the utmost Precaution for moderating the Surprise that is to come upon his Reader, and no better Expedient occurred to me than that of confessing and laying open the whole Mystery of my Art, since nothing does more take off from our Astonishment than a right Apprehension of the Way a thing is done. On the other side, in Opposition to these Considerations, I plainly saw that many unlucky Consequences would attend the Publication of my Secret, which I may truly call my Choice Receipt, or Elixir Scribendi; For First, unless it be taken and applied with utmost Caution, it operates too strongly on the Style, and turns every thing into Elevate and Surprise. Let a Banker, a Doctor, or a Scrivener set himself to dash over a Bill, or Deed of Conveyance, he would have his Ink run insensibly into Flights and Metaphors, Acquaint Conceits, Grave Apophthegms, Politic Say, and Learned Dissertations, such as the Body of this Treatise consists of; so that such Gentlemen would receive little Benefit by my Elixir; for a wise Man would no more wish that every Pen he handles should flow nothing but Wit, than that every thing he touches should instantly commence Gold.  

Concerning the Wand'ring Jew. that Phalaris' Epistles were written by a Turkish Spy, who resided 44 Years at Agrigentum. A Dissertation upon the Age of Lucius Bocius. The Novel of Nicthycranculus and Pollidona.  
IT is but reasonable that in the Second Place, I should consider my own Benefit, not that I design to lock up All — 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and thereby endanger its dying with myself, as it too frequently happens by the selfish Humour of Discoverers; but only to make such a reasonable Profit, as aught to be allowed for Encouragement to the Ingenious. What I propose is; to teach my Art at moderate Rates, not doubting to raise a sufficient Estate, from the great number of Scholars that I may reasonably expect. And I do here take Occasion to certify Gentlemen of both Sexes, whether Knights, Burgesses, Justices of Peace or their respective Constables; that, if they or any of them, will be pleased to send their Sons, or Daughters, of any Age between Twelve and Twenty-one, to my House near Flintshire, they shall find decent and suitable Entertainment, and be faithfully instructed in the Depths of my Art, if Capable; otherwise my Wife will, notwithstanding, engage to teach them the choicest Rules for making sweet Powder, Pomatum, all kinds of Pastry-ware, besides Carving, Moulding Cocklebread, Playing on the Jews-Harp, and all other necessary Parts of Genteel Education.    

SECT. XXVIII.  
The next Section does really contain such sad Truths that I would not advise you to understand it, nor so much as read it, if it can possibly be avoided.  
THE Cabala, saith Rabbi Talmid, contains First, the Doctrine of the four Worlds Aziluthical; and Secondly, the Doctrine of Sephiroth Now the Second Doctrine of Sephiroth. is the Predicament of Chochma, i. e. Wisdom. Wisdom, saith The Lexicon Zohar, is The Beginning of actuated Ideality, from which it most clearly follows, that it is also The Head and Principle of Aziluth. Besides this, in the Metallick Doctrine, Wisdom is the Degree of Lead or Primordial Salt, in which Salt lies hid the Lead of the Wise. Upon which the great Expositor has this Comment. Cognomina & Subordinate Cochma sunt 1. Jah. 2. Jod Tetr. 3. Principium 4. Primogenitura. 5. Voluntas. 6. Terra Viventium. 7. Jesch, Ens seu Essentia. 8. Lux primitiva. 9 32 Semitae Idearum. 10. 70 Legis Species. 11. Bellum. 12. judicium. 13. AMEN. 14. Liber. 15. Sanctum Sanctorum. 16. Inform. 17. Profundum Cogitationis. 18. Cogitatio. 19 Formido. 20. Eden 21. Olei Vnctionis Scaturigo. 22. Vinum asservatum ab orbe condito. 
See Burneet's Archaeolog. whence all this Doctrine is transcribed  23. QVIS? 24. Membrum Virile summum. 25. Verbum seu Oratio.  
The whole Doctrine being thus made out, and illustrated to my hands; it might seem Superfluous to attempt any further Comment, since 'tis evident that nothing can be plainer than the Exposition already given. However in our Volumes upon this Subject that Are to be, we shall a little farther expatiate upon the Quiseity of Amen, as likewise upon the Ensophicality of Aziluth; which to an Understanding rightly prepared, will doubtless become like the Odour of the Voice of the Beauty of Sublimated Intelligence. Two-legged Truth shall be caught with Saline Essence upon her Caudality; She shall edify and nidificate in the Petticoats of his Pia Mater, or the supercilious Eaves of his Pericranium; She shall fish for Ideas with his Rete Mirabile and Processus Vermifsormis, and inject them through the Infundibulum into the savoury Frying-pan of his Cerebellum. There shall she sit chewing Cuds and Enthymemas, or brooding over infant Sciences; She shall drive him cross the Streets to seek out the Sages that are gone astray, and salute the unknown Children of Philosophy; to salute the unborn by Name, and the unbegotten by Lips Anonymous, is the Delight and Privilege that Wisdom enjoys from her Successors, and bequeathes as a never-failing Inheritance, to her Forefathers.  
'Tis possible some few Persons may have followed at least, one part of my Advice at the Beginning of this Section, against understanding, or so much as reading it, if they could by any means forbear. 'Tis possible also, that some Persons may be inclined to wonder, why such a Section as is judged improper to be understood, or even perused, should be allowed a Place in the Volume; the true Reason of which is this, that I perceived the following Section would have little Coherence or Relation to the precedent, and therefore judged it might be convenient to put between them something of this Nature, for the sake of Connexion.   

A very Rhetorical Section.  
'TIS this that makes me weep, in the most piteous Manner, at the Thoughts of being imprisoned in this Wretched Sublunary World; as Alexander, among the Ancients, is said to have done before me. However, to make the best of my Confinement to so vile a Place, I have been long thinking to retire, together with Sir W. Raleigh, Bp. Wilkins and others, into the most Eligible Time. 
See Sr. W. Raleighs History, Bishop Spart's Observations upon Sorbieres' Voyage, and the Dedication before D. Cave's Lives of the Apostles.  I knew for certain, that the Present is the worst of all Times, if Tradition itself can pretend to the least Infallibility. For, this Doctrine is not only Attested by as many living Eye-witnesses, as there are now in Being Persons of the last Age, but has been always delivered down from Father to Son, Ancestors to Posterity, with such satisfactory and uncontrollable Evidence, as to obtain the universal Assent of all Ages and Nations. From hence with great Reason, it may be deduced that the Present Time is not the Worst just, Now only, but was also the Worst in every Age since the Creation; not that other Times were better, but each had its Turn of being the Worst just when it came to be Present; each was compelled to undergo the same Ignominy before it could be dismissed; upon which Account the Present has never been known to stay more than one Moment, just to hear itself railed at and upbraided, as if it were sensible how Intolerable it's longer Continuance would be to mortal Man, who as it is does generally Abuse it. And indeed how should Mankind be like to endure a real Nunc Stans, who are so angry and displeased, whenever it does but seem to stand still, or even to move slowly?  
Neither is there any God, or Godling, above Ground, that shows any manner of Regard to the Present, but that of Contempt or Aversion. Observe the bashful and demure Cynthia, alias Hecate, alias Diana, Luna, Trivia, etc. Goddess of Changelings, fanatics, State-Camelions, Flying-Squadrons, Menders and Reformers; how she discovers always the same Discontent and Dislike to the Present, as we may read in her very Face. For, is she not always shifting it off for whatever comes next; running over the Changes, and playing Tricks to elude and deceive it? sometimes we have her mounted and riding Post in the Sky, where she puts on a new Look for every new Posture of Affairs; then after a while, grown weary even of constant Changing, she disappears and gets down to the Banks of Eurotas, where she hunts away the Present Time, till tired also of her present self, she turns from Diana to Proserpina, and flies to the infernal Regions, there to converse with Folk of past and future Ages.  
— quibus Altera fato  
Corpora debentur.—  
If Cynthia's Practice be not Authority sufficient, let us consult Metis, another Goddess that deals in Good Advice, Due Deliberation, and Considering-Caps; and she takes no more Notice of Time Being than Vacuna herself, but prohibits all Enjoyment of the Present as worthless and pernicious; Times Past are indeed of some Value, as furnishing Matter of Observation, and Reflection, to make one Wise, but whoever is made Wise thereby, must be sure ultimately to refer every thing (never to Now, but) to Hereafter.  
And what shall we say of Ancient janus, who is accounted also one of the Wisest among his Fellow-Gods, but thinks as little of the Present as any Person whatever of that Quality. He neither conceals his constant and steady Regard to the Future and the Past, nor did he ever bestow a single Glance upon the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, or so much as allow it to see his Face. That is not an Object for a Double God 
Bicipital as is the Muse's Hill,  
Quinunquam Custos absistit limine Templi,  but rather for such a Tricorpulent Monster as Geryon, or the Tricaniniceps Custos of Hell, 
Infera qui rabidus Latratu regna Trifa●ci  
Personat, immani recubans Immanis in antro.   
As for jove himself▪ the Cloud-compelling Grand Signior of the Gods, or Great Mogul of Heaven, have we not the Testimony of Horace, 
Coeli Tonantem Culminibus Jovem  
Regnare Praesens. Divus Habebitur.  that he sits like a Lord 
A Top of Heaven, and flings his Thunder thence  
To sour good Ale, and spoil the present Tense.  
And when he has achieved that fierce Intent,  
The Future, for his Pains, will call him Saint.  To spare the Trouble of more Instances let me advise you to believe, for my sake that there is not a single God, among the twice ten Thousand, that does in the least regard what we have been discoursing of. So far from it, that if the Condition of their Nature were at their own Disposal, they would rather choose to secure to themselves one single Month of Future Life, than to enjoy their very Immortality itself, if it were only just for the Present. For farther Satisfaction in this point, I refer you to the following Poems, in the former of which you will find some account of the Principal Gods; the other is Part of a Speech of Apollo's own making, upon Occasion of his Cows being stolen by Ulysses.  

Money, or the Miser's Speech. By another Hand.  
OF Gods and your Goddesses tell me no more,  
King jove and Queen Iuno're a Rogue and a Whore;  
Great Mars is a Hero, when e'er he can show ●it,  
Apollo's a Fool, and the De'el of a Poet;  
Dame Venus a Hag, and so you may tell Her;  
A poor Rogue is Bacchus, ne'er a Flask in his Cellar;  
Nay Cupid's a Whim, with feigned Arrows and Wings;  
And all without Money mere fanciful Things.  
'Tis Money Almighty that fills us with Wonder,  
That whirls the Globes round, and makes the Skies  
Thunder,  
That bullies down Castles, and routs with mere Sound,  
And makes up a Hero, with never a Wound:  
Come fill up my Coffers, I'll build me a Throne,  
I'll scale the blue Heavens, and pull the Gods down;  
What are those poor God-things without mighty Money?  
Fair Danae had been kept, and jove balked of his Sweetheart.  
Bully Mars without Coin were a pitiful Thing;  
'Tis Money takes Towns and lets the Troops in.  
Though my Skull were quite empty full Coffers Can do't,  
Can make me a Wit, and a Beauty to Boot.  
'Tis Money that keeps up great Bacchus from Sinking,  
That buys us Champaign, and maintains our good Drinking.  
For since all our good Wines are set forth to Sale,  
Without Money poor Bacchus must break and sell Ale.  
Now as for the Empire of Beauty, and Cupid,  
I laugh at the Fancy, and think it all Stupid;  
For who can win Miss without Money a Courting?  
And where is a Venus without a good Fortune?  
Then tell me no more, blind impotent Boy,  
For want of a Passion, that Phillis is Coy;  
Since Beauty, and all the whole World may be sold,  
Thy Shafts can ne'er wound unless Pointed with Gold.   

Out of Homer's Odysseis.  

WHen Milkmaid Susan told the Sun,  
How his poor Mulls were dead and gone,  
He fell in such a raving Fit,  
You'd scarce have thought him God of Wit.  
For with that Phys that makes foul Wether,  
Away he run to tell his Father.  
And bounced at Heaven-Hall Gate, like Mad,  
Till he got in to speak with Dad.  
jove was just then at Even and Odd, as is  
The Sport among the Gods and Goddesses;  
Who were all 'stounded and affrighted,  
When Phoebus to the Bench draw nigh did,  
That one they counted so Wise-nodled,  
Should look so featly and betwattled;  
Which made him fall to storm and bully,  
And sputter at 'em most woefully,  
Then call them all to naught; he swore  
This was a Rogue, and that a Whore;  
They ne'er had heard the like before.  
Conva-va●vart ye now, quotha,  
Would ye were all at York, for me.  
Death and Fuf-furies! What at Play!  
At Even and Odd-Good-lack-aday!  
You take your Pleasure, and don't care  
A straw how other Folks may far,  
So your own Carcases but thrive well;  
Faith you're as Cunning as the Devil!  
At this the Gods did all him sooth, with  
Sweet Words, as any Courtier Moutheth.  
jove chucked his Chin, and bid him name  
Who 'twas had wronged him, and he'd pay 'em.  
With that Apollo straight began, Sir,  
To blubber something of an Answer.  
d'ye see the Barges there? Po-pox on  
The Watermens, the've eaten my Oxen.  
They might as well have eat my Horses,  
Or picked my Pocket— where my Purse is.  
Consume 'em all; I wonder when  
My Oxen would have eat the Men!  
They ne'er had injured this Ulysses,  
Nor plundered any thing that is his.  
My Cows ne'er burned his Barns at Ithaca,  
Nor robbed his Trunk without, or with a Key;  
Ne'er open broke his Cellar Door,  
Nor tried to make his Wife a Whore,  
Nor got his Maids with Child (as some do  
In every Family they come to)  
Demolished none o's Mutton-Pasties;  
But let the House continue as ' 'tis.  
I loved the Cows from Top to Bottom,  
Dearer than if I had begot 'em,  
So dear, that it rejoiced my Heart  
Both to go to 'em,— and to part.   
The Verses in the Original are these.  
— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  

For when my Linkboy Vesper, come,  
At Setting-time— to light me home,  
I used to Ogle 'em across my Neck,  
Till I devised a kind of Trick,  
And lest my Head might grow awry,  
Learned to ride backward down the Sky.  
Not a Cow of 'em but, in my Opinion,  
was handsomer than Io.  
For Simpering, none of 'em could miss  
T'out-simper Daph- (both)- ne (and) nis.  
Even though ' they both should turn to Kine,  
'Snigs, they would be two Fools to mine.  
My Cows were prettier (I don't ●eer ye)  
Than your 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
They gave the sweetest Milk for Posset,  
Or Syllabub (there's Cupid knows it)  
I ne'er sipped any thing perfecter,  
Not to disparage sugared Nectar.  
Besides, 'twas good for Physic (mark it)  
Either Emetic, or Cathartick.  
If Milk once fail my Credit cracked is,  
And Opifer must lose his Practice.  
The youngest was a Maiden-Body;  
I little thought that she should so die.  
For she could cure Distempers, marry,  
And was a kind of 'Pothecary.  
There's Dr. Salmon would have bought her,  
Tho merely for her 
* The Cant-word, or Term of Art for Cow-Piss.  All-flower Water,  
At making which she had such Skill,  
No Lady better could distil.  
'Twou'd cure Green-sickness and the Scurvy;  
(No Cow in England could with her vye)  
The Fluor Albus, and the Tumour,  
Hydropic, and Athritick, Humour;  
No Beast of ' Natomy e'er knew more.  
She'd have made Water for a Wager,  
Had any ventured to engage her.  
Nay Bromf●ild's Pills 'twould soon have cast out,  
And Daffy's ' Lixir is an Ass to't.  
Pray what would juno say, if Folk  
Stole Peacocks, tho' 'ttwere in a Joke?  
I'm sure, I'd sooner eat my Nails  
Than touch a Feather of their Tails.  
She'd set her Clack up, and so scold me;  
Heaven would be soon too hot to hold me;  
Nay jove would rather wish (Udzookers)  
To have his Chimneys all turn Smoakers.  
There's Pallas keeps her Owls as chary,  
Even as the Apple of her Blear-eye,  
The Goddess-ship of her Divinity,  
Or Maidenhead of her Virginity,  
Her very Wisdom, and Puissance,  
With which she frightens Rats and Mice hence.  
Can th' Harpies so torment Aeneas,  
That shortly will be chosen a Deus,  
And spoil his Dinner with a Vengeance  
That was as Odious and as Ingens,  
As the most wisest History mentions?  
Bellum etiam pro caede boum?  
Quoth th' Old One in a Passion to 'em.  
I mean that Fury, Dame Cela●no,  
So dire a Monster ne'er was seen, ho!  
Then came the Flock, and set a fluttering,  
A Clawing, Stinking, and a Sputtering;  
Drove the poor Trojans from their places,  
All squirting in their Eyes and Faces.  
Can Hercules, the Giant, take as  
Much Vengeance as he pleased of Cacus,  
Although his Cows recovered were soon,  
And had no Violence done their Person?  
And I (forsooth!) that can the Bar throw,  
Drive Coach, or Shine, or shoot an Arrow,  
Break a new Horse-shoe, crack a new Rope,  
Or dry a Stall, and common Shore, up  
With e'er a Hercules in Europe,  
Must be affronted and upon pissed!  
Pray answer me— on what acconp is't?   
I was induced to recede a little from strict Orthography in the last Line, merely out of Pity to the Rhyme, which would evidently have been in a miserable Condition, if I had suffered either lie REASON, or even 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ACCOUNT, to get into the Penultimate Place, which they both offered to supply, but were both rejected, tho' otherwise very worthy, as not being agreeable to the Society. The Verse and I are greatly, and equally obliged to Syncope the Amputatrix, as well as to some other Reformers of Modes and Superfluities, who were extremely ready▪ and willing to come into Assistance in the present Case, according to their usual Good-nature and very compassionate Disposition upon all such Emergencies.  
From these two Proofs out of Poetry, together with the Prose Arguments that preceded them, it seems to be a very Rational Inference, that of all Times, Ages, or Siecles, those deserve the highest Renown, as indeed they are allowed to be, beyond Comparison, the best, which neither Are, Have been, or Will be Present. Have we not an illustrious Instance of this in the Saturnian, or Golden-Age (truly so called, had so pernicious a Metal been consistent with the Happiness of those Blessed Days) and have we 〈◊〉 another more illustrious in the Millennium at jerusalem? What more Peaceful and Innocent than the one? What more Devout and Contemplative than the other? And then if we inquire of our own Country in particular, does not Great Britain confess, that the Days now current are vile, worthless and illaudable, nor any way comparable for Blessedness to the precious Reign of that most gracious and magnificent Princess, Quee● Dick?  
Agreeably to this, and no doubt upon the same Principles, has the Sage St. E●remont determined, concerning naked Goddesses and young Lancashire Witches that the Nymph which Finds herself 〈◊〉 where, is VASTLY a fine● Creature than any that can be Found in Her Se●, and must upon every Account carry the Golden Apple from all Her Fellows.  
We likewise all know for certain, 〈◊〉 lest all that are Unprejudiced will agree that Empedocles' Epic Poem is a 〈◊〉 Diviner Piece than either of Homer's, 〈◊〉 Lucretius' Aeneis must also be owned infinitely Preferable to Virgil's; the Truth of this may be put beyond Dispute by one plain Reason; viz. That Virgil 〈◊〉 actually written an Aeneis, or a certain Book of long Verses, beginning with Ille Ego, and Homer also is judged 〈◊〉 have made his own Epic Poems, whereas the other Gentleman has writ 〈◊〉 and as for Lucretius' Twel●● Books of Aeneis, 
See the Dissertation upon Phalaris' Epistles.  they neve● were in Rerum Naturâ.  
By Parity of Reason has the Wisdom of the Ancients declared, and pronounced it for a Maxim, of most indisputable Truth, 
Melius non nasci.  That of all Persons in the whole World, none are in such a desirable Condition and happy Circumstances; none so much to be envied, or in so great Favour with Fate and all the Stars, as those innocent Strangers that never knew the Misfortune of being Born, and therefore, as in Charity we ought to believe, had no way deserved to be sentenced to that Execution, or to have the Penalty of Life inflicted upon them. Now does not all Philosophy, with one Voice, proclaim the Reasonableness of the foresaid Maxim? for does it not assure us that Utopia is a finer Region to dwell in than any other whatever; not in this Terraqueous Globe only, but even in either Hemisphere of that other in the Moon?  
These Reflections may show us how justly the Religion and Virtue of Oliver C— l, the Virtue, Loyalty and Merits of—, the Loyalty, Merits and Poetry of— have been so highly celebrated by Mr. W— r, Mr. S—, Mr. A—, etc. for what can give to a Man's Virtue, Loyalty and Poetry, or Merits of any kind, so eminent an Advantage; what can make them so Worthy of being highly celebrated, as that singular and characterizing Property of having no Existence?   

The Life and Exploits of SANCHO PANSA, After his Master's Decease.  
AS the supreme Temporal Perfection is not found in any Times, but those which neither Are, have Been, no● shall Be at all, so is the second Honour very justly ascribed to those, which although they do not come up to the same Perfection of Not-being with the other yet keep however the greatest Distance from the Moment in Being Now namely, at my present Writing, or you present Reading, whenever that happen even tho' at a Thousand years' Interval There is in Nature a parallel Case, that may illustrate this Philosophy. 'Tis not imaginable the nice and strict Analogy between the Doctrines of Time and of Place, can possibly have escaped the Observation of so discerning a Genius as my Reader. You see therefore (as I take for Granted) how the several Phaenomena of both depend upon the same Reasons, and may become assisting in the Solution of each other. Did Felicity choose the Days of v●ronia And does not she choose the Country of Utopia? Are the most distant Times the next in her Favour? and are not also the most distant Climates? Are the most ancient Writers the best in their kinds? Are they Giants in Learning, and the Moderns but Puncinelloes and Pigmies upon their Shoulders? and are not the most Remote Inventors incomparably the most Inventive? Nay, is it not very remarkable, that the ancient Greeks and Romans have outstripped, in all the Liberal Arts, their Cotemporaries, the modern French and English, chief by reason that the Chinese are great Wits? Nor is it less Remarkable, that no Kingdom, or Commonwealth, whatever (always excepting those unrivalled States in Utopia) is allowed to be framed, modelled and constituted with such a Vein, a Strain, a REACH, a RACE, a STRETCHES, 
See Temple's Essay upon Heroic Virtue.  a FETCH, a JIRK, a QUIRK, a SPIRIT, POWDER of Politic and Critic, as those of China and Peru, which are OUT-LYING● Nations, I don't know how far beyond the Worlds End.   

Of Liberty and Property, and several other things that conduce to the better understanding of this Famous History.  
SInce all Parties are unanimous in this Principle, that Time becomes more pure and excellent in Proportion to the distance it recedes from the Nunc Temporis, the only remaining Controversy about it is, taking any Degree you please o● Distance or Latitude, whether it will not be equally Estimable on either side o● the Equator, or the Linea Praesentialis▪ either Arctic or Antarctick, Past or Future, (which is all one between Space and Time) or if they be not equally Estimable, which must be allowed the Preference? There are a Species of Philosophers, who setting up for Moderation, endeavour to defend the Equality, and urge us with the foresaid famous Analogy of Time and Place, which obtains, as they pretend, in this point as well as any. For, granting that at an equal Distance from the Torrid Zone on either side, the Force of the Sun's Malignancy does equally abate, it seems to them a plain Consequence, that at an equal Distance from the Punctum Tonunicum, which way you please, the Virulency of Praesentialness must in the same measure be taken off, qualified and debilitated. Now 'tis true indeed, that the Inference here seems very just and inevitable, but the Ground of it is fallacious and cannot be insisted on; for it supposes the Analogy between Time and Place to extend farther than it ever did, since we see that several Countries, tho' at the same Distance from the Sun, yet have various Degrees both of Heat and Fertility, occasioned by their peculiar Situations, and such like Collateral Arguments; whereas in the case of Time, on the same side of the Present, and at the same Distance, Days and Years have always the same Excellence and Worth; because 'tis very evident, that nothing has any Influence upon the Happiness of Ages, but their Distance from the Present only.  
A Section containing,  
Two Receipts out of Echard's 
See Echard's 2d Dialogue, where he treats of boiled Cushions.  Translation of Duns Scotus, viz. How to broil Hazle-Nuts with pickled Ivory-Sauce and Ablative Cases; and the best way of stewing Curds in a Visian.  
These Levellers or Moderation-Men being set aside, since either the Future, or the Past, must have a Pre-eminence, we proceed to examine the next Point in Debate, viz. To which of them it ought to be awarded. There are hot Zealots, or High-Flyers, on both sides, and so great Animosities are kindled between them, that if either should get the supreme Power into their Hands, their Opposites, or Dissenting-brethrens, will have cause to apprehend a Persecution. To state and represent the Cause at full length, and deduce all the Arguments Pro and Con, in Logical or Rhetorical Array, shall be thy Undertaking, O my next Philippick, — quae Divina vuluêris proxima Famae.  
This present Oration, Dissertation, or Commentary (or whatever Name you shall please to honour it with) will be mightily satisfied, if it can but give human Race a convenient Insight into the Business before us, by pointing at the chief Topics, Offensive and Defensive, which the Parties militant employ against each other. Therefore Pergite Pierides— on the part of the Futurists it is confidently talked, that a Minute to come is worth an Age that is gone; may, they pretend it to be an avowed and current Maxim among Philosophers of all Ages, That a Week in Prospect is not only more valuable, but even apparently longer, than a Twelvemonth that is slipped away, by the exactest measure yet known. Nor do they scruple to refer us to the universal Sense of Mankind, who discover so great an Opinion of the Future, as to long for it with Impatience, while they always acknowledge the Past to be no better than Vanity; the days that are coming, at a distance, being Fine and Delightful, tho' they change to quite another thing, as soon as they are gone by, and begin to show us their Reverse. All this and a great deal more, they endeavour to confirm by a great number of Instances, but chief insist upon the particular Case of a longing Nymph, who is always very well assured that the Future will make her Happy, but when once that future is converted into Past, perceives her Expectations deluded, and herself betrayed by it into Misery and Repentance. A thousand other Arguments that are mustered for the Defence of this Tenet, I shall reserve for my subsequent Volumes; nor will I now dismiss miss the Subject without this Concession, which all Parties, Orders and Degrees of Men seem to conspire in, That the Future is the only proper Season for mending, and repenting of, Faults that are Past; that it is absolutely the most convenient Opportunity of setting upon any Work of great Labour and Difficulty; and the rather, if it be a thing of such Necessity, or Importance, as should not be entered upon with Precipitation; for 'tis plainly impossible to undertake Matters of that Nature, till the Future is come, though some prejudiced Persons have a Conceit, that this Future tantalizes our Resolutions, and always flies before us.   

The Novel of the Tall Inquisitive continued, and that of the Lovely Amphibious begun.  
THese are really very plausible Arguments, and many other things there are to be pleaded in Favour of the fame Cause, seemingly no less conclusive than these. Yet the prevailing Opinion runs on the other side, and has many Reasons to support it. In my other Volumes I design entirely to exhaust the Argument, by displaying all that can possibly be said in Favour of Days elapsed, 
Dr. B— y formed a modest Design of this Nature, in the Case of Phalaris' Epist. which he promised that no Mortal should take to be Genuine, from the time his Dissertation came out, till the Conflagration.  so that for the time to come, no Man shall offer to write, speak, think, or opine any thing against the Dignity and Precedence of Times Past.  
I am so well satisfied in the Proofs and Evidence of this Doctrine we are now defending, as to believe that the contrary Persuasion wherever it be found, can arise from nothing in the World but mere Ingratitude. For is it not even visible, that Men show a mighty Respect for the Future only, because they have great Expectations from it, whereas the Hours which have left and bequeathed to them all the Goods, Possessions and Enjoyments which they are Masters of, are often slighted, turned away, and out of mind, only because they are Past the Condition of doing them any further Service. Now instead of that Disingenuous Principle, we ought to forget only what Injuries the Age expired has done us; to forgive all that is past and gone of that Kind; be easily reconciled to its Memory, and willing to speak well of the deceased. This I esteem to be one of the most eminent Virtues, yet it has always been flourishing and triumphant, and so much the more conspicuously, because by this Virtue, which by its own Nature is solitary, and even self-subsisting, we are convinced that all other Virtues are either extinct or languishing; upon which Account there is Reason also to be the more fond of this. There is in the World a certain Society whose laudable Disposition, as to the point before us, must not be passed over without due Commendation; a Society well known, of a great Rank and Figure, and bearing a great Sway in sublunary Affairs, having produced more Persons of Note in all Kind's, than ever appeared besides. My Meaning is doubtless obvious enough to conceive, for what can any charitable Reader think of me in his Conscience, but that I do most joyfully lay hold upon this happy Occasion of vindicating our Specific Reputation, by doing Justice to the noble Race of Mankind; to whom I am known to bear a very singular Affection, as having the Honour to belong to that celebrated Species, in the Quality of an Unworthy Individual; so much at least I may say, that this Character is allowed me by all that love and understand the Good of my Country. For such my Birth and Breeding, I own an infinite Obligation to the Manes of Sir Samuel Luke, my much Honoured Grandfather, as likewise to some others of my illustrious Progenitors, who were good old Men, true Zealots for the Good Old Cause, & — nati melioribus annis.  
I take the Boldness therefore to maintain the Honour of human Race, as to this most excellent Virtue of forgetting what Sufferings Times passed brought upon them, as well as remembering and exaggerating with the utmost Gratitude, whatever Blessings they enjoy from the Goodness of those happy Days, now departed. Nay, I will venture to go a Point further, the more firmly to establish my Cause, tho' by seeming to oppose it; as some Persons of known Honour and Integrity, are labouring to undermine something or other, 'tis hard to affirm what, by pretending themselves its Protectors.  
For since the Press, the Pulpit and the Stage Conspire to censure and expose our Age, Provoked too far, we resolutely must To the one Virtue that we have, be Just.  
I assert therefore, for the Glory of our own Time, and will maintain it to the last Drop of my Ink, that it does not fall short of any other in this good Quality of preferring all others to its self; that it does not fail to pay due Honour and Respect to elder Ages, or to aggravate its own Degeneracy. I assert farther, for the Credit of my own Country, that without flattering ourselves, we are not outrivalled in this Point by any Nation whatever, let our Neighbours think of themselves as fond as they please. How few among us can ruminate upon the last Century, or revolve in our Minds some glorious Scenes with which it was illustrated, without the sweetest Complacency, and even Rapture of Delight? Can the same happy Days return, the same blessed State of things be restored, with what Joyous, what Triumphant Acclamations, would the Glorious Day be hailed, and ushered in by Multitudes of British Souls, and how welcome Quadr agesimus Octavus Revolubilis Annus? How celebrated even among the Ancient Writers are those Times which were Ancient to them?  

Aurea Prima sata est Aetas—  
— subiitque Argentea Proles.   


† See Milbourn's Translation of Ovid.  The Age was Gold at first, 'tis said, till jove  
Choosed all the World to put his Silver off.   

Aere, dehin● ferro duravit secula—   

For jove t' allay the Silver-age with Brass,  
All Pious Men have thought a hardish case;  
But harder still he makes the Brazen-age,  
By turning Steel to Iron and to Rage.   Mr. Creech 

Damnosa quid non imminuit dies?  
Aetas parentum, pejor avis, tulit  
Nos nequiores, mox daturos  
Progeniem vitiosiorem.   
Which some jacobitish Fellow, I don't know who, but possibly it may be the Author of the Memorial, has translated against the present Ministry, or Liberty of Conscience, or what else you please, and deserves to be sent some where or other for his Pains, as you may see.  

Our Grandfathers were—  
Our Fathers Oliverians;  
Their Sons, 'tis said, are—  
Ours may be—   

— omnia satis  
In pejus ruere—   


* See Mr. Dryden's Translation of Virgil.  What are Fates good for, but to Spoil and Waste?   

Optima quaeque dies miseris Mortalibus aevi  
Prima fugit—   

— 
† See the same Translation.  'Tis never known  
That better comes, when e'er the old one's gone.   
And we find this confirmed by the Practice of Mankind, 
See the Theory of the Earth.  which best discovers their real Sentiments; for, in the Primigenial Earth the Inhabitants, or old Hero's, were content to live near a Thousand Years; whereas nowadays, say all that can be said, you will never persuade one Man in ten Thousand to live so much as a tenth part of that Time; and all because they are angry at the Degeneracy of the Times, and vex themselves to Death to think that the Axis of the Earth should be grown so cross, as to stand in a skew Posture to the Obliquity of the Ecliptic. This Philosophy may seem not to want any poetic Authority to confirm it, yet it will not be amiss, however, to use the following Verses as Collateral Proofs.   

Another Fragment of the Sun's Speech concerning his Cows.  
THey cost as much in Education,  
As any Cows of the best Fashion;  
Not that I ever grudged the Money,  
No, then indeed I'd been a Tony.  
For Breeding (tho' it were at Goatham)  
Is better than good Portions to them.  
And they ne'er wanted for Instruction,  
Nor ever idly did their Book shun;  
But learned to race as well as dance,  
So swift— you'd think 'em in a Trance.  
The fleetest Nag they would outstrip,  
So wise they▪ were at Footmanship.  
Yet scorned to make Discourse for Alehouses,  
Like scoundrel Jades and Hack-Cahalluses,  
Or like your beggarly Jack-pudding,  
That gladly on a Sheep's Head could dine.  
Tho' they themselves did pretty Gambols,  
As any Tumblers or Funambules.  
While one's a-showing of a Trick, Sir,  
Another follows and Mimics her,  
So like an Andrew— you'd swear 'twas  
one;  
And one good Andrew's worth a dozen.  
They'd leap through 20 Hopes, or tumble  
On the bare Ground— they were so humble;  
Slide down a Rope from any Steeple,  
To th' great Amazement of all People;  
Walk on their Hands, with Glass of Ale  
Brim-ful, erected on their Tail.  
Nay one (perhaps you'll scarce believe)  
Would on Hind-leg, or Tail so stiff,  
Spin herself round, like any Top,  
When e'er I pleased to set her up.  
You ne'er did see the like (nor shall)  
Not th' oldest God among ye all.  
They (let me tell you) were Injanious,  
And better Scholars too than many o'us.  
They're reckoned to be Weather-wiser  
Than 
* 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 himself, that great Adviser▪  
They tell It when to rain, or mizle,  
And show when Riding's good, or is ill.  
By snuffling up the Air, according  
To Art, and Rules of Hermes wording.  
(You need not sneer, 'tis no absurd thing.)  
I speak of him that Height Tris'gistus,  
Who by the Gypsy-Folk so missed was.  
Nec lu●isse pudet, nec nondum incidere ludum.   

To Dr. Bl— by Mr. Flights.  

I.  
WE'll consort with Tempests, with Earthquakes agree,  
To a Chorus of Thunder we'll drink up the Sea.  
And when in Clouds it shall arise  
From our Nostrils and our Eyes,  
Up to the middle Region we'll repair,  
To meet again our Liquor there,  
And teach the Gods to drink and stare.  
We'll consort with Tempests, etc.   

II.  
Then in our drunken Flights we'll go a Region higher,  
Where in Harmonious belch our Crew  
With an Universal Sparke—  
Shall quench out all the Element of Fire.  
We'll consort with Tempests, etc.   

III.  
Strike Lightning (if smoking above be allowed)  
We'll light our Tobacco with a Tinderbox Cloud;  
And to see that our Frolicks may fairly go round,  
Light sixty Wax-candles of three to the Pound.  
Then stand to your Tackle, and brandish your Pots;  
We'll ennoble the Gods by making 'em Sots.  
We'll consort with Tempests, etc.   

iv  
Look narrowly to him there, jove shirks his Glass;  
He's an impudent God, fling the rest in his Face.  
jupiter flinches and Bacchus; I see  
The Gods are not half so much Drunkards as we.  
Then stand to your Tackle again,  
And Fuddle, and Fuddle, like Men.  
We'll consort with Tempests, etc.   

Dii Patrii! quo Bacche rapis! capite Orgia meo●m  
Furius Hybernas canô nive conspuit Alps.    

A Scotch Epitaph.  
HEre lig I Martin Eltinbrode,  
Have Mercy on my Saal, Lord Good;  
As I would do, if I were Good,  
And ye were Martin Eltinbrode.   

An Epitaph upon John Button.  
HEre lies john Button— Heavens and Poles!  
Are Graves become but Button-holes!   

An Elegy upon the Battle of Landen.  
O that my Lungs might bleat, like buttered Peas,  
And eke with Bleating catch the Itch,  
To be as mangy as the Irish Seas,  
Engendering Windmills and a melted Witch!  
I grant that drunken Rainbows, Iulled asleep,  
Snort like Welsh Hooks in Lady's Eyes;  
Which made them vex to see a Pudding creep,  
For creeping Puddings only please the wise.  
Not that a Hard rowed Herring should presume  
To swing a Tythe-pig in a Cat-skin Purse,  
For fear the Hailstones which did fall at Rome,  
By lessening of the Fall, might make it worse.  
For 'tis most certain, Winter Woolsacks grow  
From Geese to Swans, if Men could keep 'em so.  
Till that Sheep-shorn Planet gave the Hint  
To pickle Pancakes in Geneva Print,  
Some Men there were, who did suppose the Sky  
Was made of Carbonadoed Antidotes;  
But my Opinion is, a Whale's left Eye  
Need not be coined All in King Harry's Groats.  
The Reason's plain; for Charon's Western-barge  
Running full Tilt at the Subjunctive Mood,  
Beckoned to Landen Fight, and gave a Charge  
To fatten Padlocks with Antarctic Food.  
Now the End will be, that Mill-pools must be laded,  
To fish for White-post in a Country Dance,  
That those who had the Wrong, and were upbraided;  
May be made Friends in a Lefthanded Trance.  
These Authorities may be sufficient, though 'tis with utmost Difficulty that I restrain myself from throwing in a hundred or two more, having (if it may be allowed me to speak so much in my own Commendation) perhaps as fruitful an Invention for this sort of Quotations, 
See Dryden's Preface to his Fables, or to any other of his Works that you please.  as most of my Cotemporaries; which the World should see, were it not that I want due Encouragement to labour in that way; the Pension allowed me by our Grandees being so slender, that the few vacant Hours, which can be stole from my necessary Duties, of spreading Lies against the Church and Monarchy, I am forced to consume in such Studies as bring in more of Gain than of Fame; and accordingly shall now immediately endeavour to find my way back again to the Subject we have just deviated from, and le●t almost out of sight.  
From the foregoing Conclusions 'tis as plain as can be wished, how very Absurd some Persons are in their Expressions, who talk of an Infancy, Minority or Nonage of the world, and seem to suppose that the several Periods of it run in a just Analogy to the ordinary Stages of Human Life; improving at first till Years of Maturity come on, then after a while, declining again into a second State of Puerility. Now the Truth of the Case without Dispute is this, that the Age of Nature does not proceed Parallel to that of common Men, but resembles the Condition of Adam, who as Dr. Duport in his Sermon concerning the Longaevity of the Antediluvians, has very Reasonably and Ingeniously conjectured, was created about four or five and twenty Years old; so that he might soon pass into a State of Declension, or gradual Tendency towards the Imbecility of Age. The World in like manner being brought out of Nothing immediately into its full Perfection, more Probably in june than, as some have imagined, in Autumn, after a short Continuance, entered upon its Decay; began to languish in the Sprightliness of its Beauty, to fade, and then whither; no● shall its Course complete any more than three Seasons, Spring being excluded by the Will of Fates, who have decree● that it shall run no farther than Winter but perish by Antiperistasis of Heat and Cold, about December of the Platoni●● or Great, Year of Years. This is wha● is said by Learned Platonists to accounted for the growing Depravity of the World other Philosophers explain the sam● Phaenomenon, each in his manner, according to the Hypothesis he is engaged to.   

The Epicureans are subdivided into two Sects; the one hold that the Past and Future are equally Excellent at an equal Distance, and endeavouring to prove their Tenet by the allowed Veracity of our Senses, form their Argument in this manner.  
EVery Thing Is just as it appears; now 'tis certain Things appear the Greater, the farther they are from us; this they several ways demonstrate, and call even the Sun and Moon to witness, both which are evidently larger in Circumference at their Rising and Setting, than at Noon while they hang over our Heads, and are nearer (especially to those that live within a few Degrees of the Line) by many a fair Mile. Now by Parity of Reason, say they, the Happiness of the Present Time, or such Times as are not far distant, must of necessity seem less, and consequetly be so, than the Past, or Future, Felicity of a Setting, or a Rising World.  
The other Party pretend that the whole World must always be in a gradual and growing Declension, because all the very Atoms of which it consists, are for ever in a declining Condition; and that more and more violent every Age; as we learn from undoubted Records, that they declined more in Epicurus his time, than they did in the Days of Democritus.  
As for the Stoics, who are implacable Enemies to Epicurus, and all his Doctrines and Disciples, they assure us that Men are become miserable only by growing so besotted as to think Pain can do them any Hurt; whereas if they were but wise enough to love Pain and Pleasure alike, or to esteem Pain the more Eligible and Pleasant of the two— Why they might live as happy as their Ancestors ever did before them.  
The Chemists believe that Time carries in it a very strong Menstruum, which debases the Purest Metals into the Grossest; 
See boil's Orig. of Forms and Qualities.  has depretiated the Mundane Secule from Gold to Iron, and proceeds to corrupt even the latter, by a certain Tincture infused into it of a Corrosive and Venomous Quality, by which it frets and maligns itself.  
The Doctors of the Faculty, like their Brethren of the Corpuscularian Philosophy, are also at Daggers drawing about the Vitiation of the Serum temporis; some supposing that the Virtue of it evaporates through the Rapidity of its Motion, others offering to demonstrate, that the Fault lies in its Sluggishness; that it gins to move too heavily, and tends violently towards a Stagnation. For the several Hypothesis concerning the Heartburning Acid, the Alkali, and the Nausea Temporis, vide my next Volume; in which also shall be faithfully explained the Opinion of the Aristotelians, who impute all to the continual Rarefaction of substantial Forms, by the intense Heat of the Subconcavo-lunary Fire. Therein I shall likewise dilate upon the Pythagorean Doctrine concerning the Abstracted Number, which they hold to be the Quintessence of Things. But, Whether any of these Suppositions be the true Account, is more than I dare offer to determine; or, Whether it be that the World is the worse for Keeping, like a Barrel of Oysters, or like the late Lord C— r, and other unthrifty Fornicators; Whether it takes after the Microcosm that governs it, and equally affects to be 
— Laudator temporis acti  
Se primos Numerante annos.—  Whether the old Cavalier with the Hourglass and Scythe grows more and more Difficilis, morosus— querulous and untoward, the more he grows in Years, and loses of his Sand; Whether Time and Eternity, bear Analogy to a River and the Ocean, the former rising pure at first, but becoming more and more turbid in its Course, till received again into the same Abyss, whence it took its Beginning; Whether the Felicity of an Age, like that of a Hero, depends entirely upon future Fame, or the After-judgment of succeeding Ages. However this be, it is undoubtedly true, that there are some five or six Persons, at least, in the World, who disbelieve the matter of Fact, and seem to be of the Sect of Sceptic Philosophers. You will be surprised to hear what Paradoxical Notions these strange sort of People have set up. First, they pretend that former Times were, one with another, as bad as the present; and future Times also are like to be so, the World being never without Reason to complain of bad Times, if Complaints were to any Purpose towards making them better. For if former Ages have not suffered so much of the same Grievances which ours is troubled with, they have had others of their own, which we are insensible of; and all Vices have reigned in their Turns, like Diseases or Fashions, according as mortal Men are pleased to change, and grow weary of one after another. Hence they would infer, that for a Man of the present Generation to tumble over wormeaten Volumes, and hunt up and down Chronology, in quest of a better Time than this which keeps him alive, is to imitate the restlessness of a Bedrid Patient, who when displeased, or grown out of conceit with his present Posture of Affairs, tumbles and takes Pains all in vain, to settle his crazy Tabernacle in some other Situation that shall please him longer.  
Nor was I less restless in Mind during the Course of these sorrowful Meditations, till Morpheus in great Compassion stepped in to my Relief, and not only gave me present Ease, but an infallible Amulet against any Relapse; as will be more clearly understood by perusing the next Section, if you have but any tolerable good Success attending you in your Studies.  
Quî fit, Maecenas, ut nemo quod sibi Tempus  
Sors dedit, hoc vivat contentus?  
— O utinam inter  
Heroas natum tellus me Prima tulisset!  
O Tempori! O Moribus!  
Haec Rhombus sapiens, haec Janus summus ab imo  
Personat.—  
Perpetuo risu pulmonem agitare solebat  
Democritus— fato nostrum delatus in aevum  
Si foret, ad risum pulmones mille, genaeque,  
Pectoris aes triplex, centenorum & laterumvis  
Ferrea deficeret. Quid si vidisset Elisam,  
(Vidisset tantùm) geminumve (heu Reptile carmen!  
Heu mites animos vatis, Musaeque sequacis!)  
Arthurum, pietate bonum & fulgentibus armis?  
Arthuri Aeneaeque manu victoria vatum  
Haeret Graecorum; mala plurima passus uterque;  
Aemulus Arthurus, terris jactatus & alto,  
Vi Bavii, ob Musarum iram, invitaeque Minervae.  
Tantae molis● erat spoliare Aeneida sensu.    

SECT. XXX.  
A Section for which after deep Study, and Solicitude of Brain many Days together, the Author could devise no manner of Title.  
AT length my Intellectual Part quite drooping under the Pressure; began to retire from the sensible World, and would have resigned itself into the dark State of Incogitancy, had not Father Malebranche appeared, in the very Instant, to divert it from that Inclination. I had never seen him before, but found an Innate Idea to know him by, without which I could never have known him by any Description, 
If we had not an Innate Idea of a Circle, etc. saith Mr. Norris, we could never acquire an Idea of a Circle by seeing material Circles.  or even Sight of his Person. After a few Compliments (which 'tis neither decent, nor civil, to omit upon such Occasions, whether Waking or Dreaming) he told me it was the Respect he had for a Person of my extraordinary Merits, that brought him thither to intrude upon my Privacy; that he knew the Grounds of my present Discontent, and would instantly remove them, by taking me into a better World, where I should be put in Possession of entire Felicity; where every Man had Riches and Honour, Wit and Beauty as much as could enter into his Wishes, or his very Imaginations. I concluded this Blessed World could be no other but That called the Ideal, and therefore growing impatient to be upon the Voyage, began to look about for my Wings. They were a very strong and a new Pair; and such I had Reason to provide myself with, having long owed, and designed, a Visit to an old Acquaintance, who has been settled some Years at Copernicus in the Moon; a very rich and delightful Country as any in those Parts, but a great way from my Lodgings in Barbican. Now I very well understood by my Innate Idea of the Ideal World, that the said World must certainly lie in some of the Lunar Regions, or at least, that we must take the Moon in our way towards it. Notwithstanding which, the Father ordered me to leave my Wings behind, for they would be a mighty Hindrance to me in Flying, and he would undertake for my safe and easy Conveyance without them; only I must needs give myself up entirely to his Guidance, and also submit to be hoodwinked; Nay, if my Desire was to become a true Philosopher, by seeing the Ideal World to the best Advantage, there was nothing so proper or expedient as to put out my Eyes. For this he alleged Examples, both his own, and of many other Philosophers of famous Memory; moreover assuring me, the only Reason of imposing this Condition, was the great Inconvenience that arises from the Use of our Senses; for, 'tis Sense, continued he, that is the great Impediment to Knowledge and Enemy to Philosophy; for Alas— we should find our Eyes infinitely sharper, if it were not for Light; nay we should see even Ideas themselves, did not this Outward Light stand in the way. I greatly fear that it must remain a Doubt in History, whether I was more surprised by the Novelty of this Philosophy, or satisfied by the Clearness of it; 'tis certain that I was struck with great Admiration, and likewise received entire Satisfaction; as every thing that comes from Father Malebranche is new, and admirable, and clear, and satisfactory. Upon this, I immediately banded over my Eyes with my own Hands, and then delivered them up to my Guide, that he might pull me along behind him; treading sometimes upon his Heels, and sometimes pushing him forward out of Eagerness.  
Not with more Alacrity did the Trojan Hero, of old, 
See Virgil's sixth Aeneis.  and the Cumaean Goddess, pursue their Journey, upon a like Occasion; nor shall their Fame be more celebrated among late Posterity.  
And now— Stand off O ye Profane Vulgar; presume not to pry into the mysterious Secrets of Truth uncreated; pollute not with one impious Glance the pure, and radiant, Scenes of Invisible Light that are coming on, ye that have your Intellects embodied, or immersed in Matter, and defiled by the Contagion of Sense.  
But You, Sacred Shades, that inhabit inaccessible Inanity; You Extatick Dreams, Plastic Imaginations and Beatific Frenzies; Parents of the intelligible Universe: You illuminated Genio's, Hero's intellectual, Sages unbodied, profound Necromancers, transcendent Visionaries; Guardians of the System of superlunary Essences: All Ye revered Powers, Ye fleet and airy Inhabitants, indigenary and Born-Members of that Archetypal Republic; Conceits, Whimsies, Hopes Fears, Caprices and Chimeras, with all other sovereign Disposers and Guides of human Conceptions, Designs and Attempts; Grant me now your kindly Influence; permit me without Offence, to bring to Light Things invelop'd in ancient Darkness, and veiled from human Minds by the Interposition of blind Reason.  

Of Truth, Prejudice, Delusion, Plato's Republic, Epicurus' Atoms, Blount's Oracles, Baxter's Divinity, Collier's Essays, Pilgrim's Progress, Crumbs of Comfort, and Mr. D—'s Epistolary Discourse.  
WE travelled on very Lovingly together, and passed through ● Labyrinth (as I have since learned) that has a single Path leading to Truth, but ten Thousand that draw you away from it. 
Hic labor ille domus, & inextricabilis error,  
Qui fertur caecas Ambages, ancipitemque  
Mille viis habuisse dolum quo signa sequendi  
Falleret.—  Among these there are many that carry a Man wrong the first Step he takes, and others that proceed some Length in the Right Course, and then turn aside from Truth, after having far advanced towards it. Each of them spreads into infinite Subdivisions, which running out every way at random, do often interfere and twine among themselves; so that one may imagine them to resemble either the Multiplicity of Tracks in a Wilderness, or the Propagation of Veins in an Animal, or rather the Branches of a Tree, which issue from the Trunk at different Heights; as secondary Branches ●o also shoot out from them; and others still less, from these, in the same manner, frequently confounding themselves with one another. 
Nam saepe Alterius ramos impune videmus  
Flectere in Alterius.—  It would be too long to enumerate all the Casualties that are incident to Men in this Labyrinth; causing them so frequently to deviate from the Sight of Truth, and run after Delusions. Many are biased aside by the Tendency o● their own Nature; many are wrong directed at first, and turned a-wandring by false Guides. Great Numbers mistake their way through Inadvertency, Precipitation, or Confidence, and bear other along with them in the Crowd. No● a few are led astray by a kind of Ign● Fatui, or dazzled by Appearances of Tr● in the grossest Falsities, like Parhelii, ● Images of the Sun impressed upon a Clou● Some pursue Shadows, and lose the way in a Dream; some are corrupt by Bribes, and consent either to hav● themselves blinded, or misled with the Eyes open. Habit facilitates their Proceeding, and Pride swells them to an Incapacity of returning.  
These Prejudices, and a thousan● others, and a thousand Species of each are the Emissaries of Error, that continually lie in wait to spirit away our Discernment, and seduce us from our true Guide, faithful and circumspect Reason. Hereby they have distracted Mankind into a Confusion of Sects, Philosophical and Religious; setting opposite Parties to demonstrate Contradictions, and reproach each other with equal Justice, as well as Ignorance and Obstinacy. These drilled on Democritus into an Abyss of Atoms, and have carried the Platonists from an Ideal Republic to a Universe of the same No-nature.  
In my sixteenth or seventeenth Volume you will find a most accurate Map of this famous Labyrinth, wherein shall be faithfully delineated the Traces of all wand'ring Philosophers that have been since the Deluge; and of those in particular, who have ventured upon that Subject — Pelago dare vela patenti. For, of the Antediluvians no Footsteps are now remaining.  
— Nil dulcius est bene quam munita tueri  
Edita doctrinâ sapientum Templa serena,  
Despicere unde queas alios, passimque videre  
Errare, atque viam palantes quaerere vitae.  
— Nil tam absurdum quin a Philosophis assereretur.  
Quid tam vulgare quam desipere?  
— Ridentem dicere verum  
Quid vetat?   

One Characteristick observed, by which the Path of Truth is distinguished from 〈◊〉 others.  
THE Path that leads to Truth, is said to be the only one, in this Intellectual Labyrinth, that gives a Man any solid Ground to proceed on, 〈◊〉 support himself steadily. This, had 〈◊〉 known in it time, would have damped all the fond Thoughts that I was possessed with of my Ideal Voyage; for the way I was conducted there was seldom any Footing at all to be felt under me. often thought myself treading the Air● sometimes by way of ordinary Steps, 〈◊〉 more frequently skipping by uncertain Intervals, and springing forward I knew not how.  
Vadentem aequavi patrenm  
— non passibus Aequis.   

Of the Cartesian World and its Vortices. The Perfection of a Vortex. An extraordinary Way of Travelling. What happened to me in my Voyage, and to my Head. Of Gravitation. Our Arrival at the Ideal World. Our Reception there. Several Symptoms and Properties of Ideality. My Guides Complaisance. The calefying Quality, and remarkable Nature of a good Fire.  
THE Vortex of the Intelligible World, 
According to Mr. Norris.  like every thing else that appertains to it, is infinitely more perfect than any Vortex, Whirl-pool, or Whirl-gig that our Sensible World can boast of; now this Perfection consists in such a Rapidity cui nihil deest ad constituendum sun Esse. As soon as we came within the Sphere of its Activity, you may imagine it was some Surprise to find myself very Gravely turning round upon my own Axis; which to me was a strange way of proceeding, and very much against my Inclination, having never travelled in that manner before. And this probably might be the Reason that my Brain was seized with a most violent Sickness; as if a great Number of Windmills had been very diligently at work within it; and I verily persuade myself, that there is no going over to the Ideal World without being so affected. We were easily sucked down by the Vortex; as you may guests that weighty Bodies have no great Appetite to resist in that Case; being seldom known so obstinate as to insist upon nothing, or fly upwards when they are moved to the contrary. My vertiginous Circumstances of Brain were not in the least abated by the continued Rolling of my Person, which grew more violent as we descended. At last I descried something that seemed to be a Scull, and was making very discernible Circumvolutions about its own Centre. My Guide bid me welcome to the Intelligible World, and immediately we were a● it; for this Scull was no other than the Shell of it, or the Ideal Scull. It is the Archetype of all Real Sculls, and a Promptuary of all Ideas whatsoever; from which, as from a never-failing Springhead, they are constantly drawn forth into Things; each at its appointed time, when summoned by Fate to exert itself, and put on Real Existence. Within the Cranium, tho' for certain there is little or nothing of Brains, yet 'tis thought, there is the Idea of Brains, which is altogether as good, and accounted even far Preferable by the more subtle and refined Species of Philosophers. I saw also the Ideas of two Eyes; the Pupil of the one just discovered itself peeping from behind the Lid, like the Sun half-set; but the other had turned its self quite inward. From this I concluded that if they had any Sight at all, they must fee things Double. However, they were evidently more Perfect than Real. Eyes; for the Perfection does not consist in external Seeing, but in pleasing the internal Sight; now these were endued with a very shining Je●●. which may be esteemed the true Emblem of Illuminating Darkness; and if they were not clearsighted themselves, that was compensated by a more rare and admirable Virtue; for both of them were transparent, and might clearly be seen through. My Guide proposed to my Choice, whether I would content myself with a distant View, or make Application for personal Admittance. We might take a Prospect conveniently through those Inlets of Sight, whereas there was no way to enter, but along the same Ductus, by which all kind of Vapours insinuate into the Penetralia of human Head. I declined the Proposal of getting in, being come only upon Liking, and loath to be initiated at a Venture; conceiving also that for the present, it would be satisfaction enough to make my Observations at a distance. Thereupon we fixed each at his Pos● like two considerable. Leeches; my Guide giving me as a Stranger the Compliment of his Right-hand. In this Position were we rolled about by the Rotation of the Scull, so that (if you are in a very good Humour, and willing to overlook a small Disproportion in point of Magnitude) you may conceive us to have resembled either two Spots in a Planet, or a brace of Flies, should they choose to plant themselves, for the Benefit of a warm Fire, upon some convenient part of a Goose as 'tis roasting.  
— Sic parvis componere magna solebam,  
Mollia sic duris, sine pondere habentia pondus.  
— O te felicem, Bollane, cerebri,  
Cui caput assiduâ fervet vertigine raptum?  
Ceu quondam torto volitans sub verbere turbo.   

The Address, or Kentish Petition.  
TO Cupid I addressed my Prayer,  
Cruel Cupid would not hear;  
Then Venus I in voked with Tears,  
Cruel Venus stopped her Ears;  
Now to fair Sylvia, Hapless Swain,  
I fly to tell my amorous Pain.  
Sylvia, like Venus, could bestow  
The fairest Nymph the World can show;  
Fate still depends on Either's Will,  
Kind or Cruel, they can kill.  
For did not Venus once destroy,  
By granted Bliss, the Trojan Boy?  
But loving Corydon must die,  
If Sylvia should the Bliss deny.    

SECT. XIII.  
To Mrs. C— s.  

Epitaph on a Maidenhead.  

I.  
BEneath these Stones in tombed, is laid,  
Something that was a Maidenhead.  
That Word alone doth here lie dead,  
Whose Substance into Nought is fled.  
Does any ask me how I lost my Breath?  
I broke a fatal Vein, and bled to Death.   

II.  
Some think (and 'tis a common Fame)  
That I (however a Place I claim  
With Being's of Substantial Frame)  
Am but a Nothing with a Name.  
Else Man did my Reality create,  
Since he alone can it annihilate.   

III.  
Yet I, the Guardian of the Zone,  
(While such) unbuckled it to none;  
But since that I am dead and gone,  
The wincing Minor hurries on:  
Lavish of Love, at once turns Prodigal,  
And Spend-thrift-like keeps open House for All.     

SECT. XXXIII.  
Of Payment in Part, together with fair Promises.  
THUS was I conducted, and thus have I faithfully conducted my very good Friend, the Reader, to the Place proposed at our setting out. He must not expect that I should now go on in the same manner, or undertake to lead him through all the Discoveries I have there made.  
Non mihi si Linguae centum—  
Ferrea vox—  
Ferrea Latera, etc.  
Non mihi si' 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 (
* Metri Gratia.  heu!) 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
There are many Things of the Production of the Ideal World, which have this unhappy Property adhering to their Essence, that they can never be of any use to poor Mortals in the Way of Reason neither can they become any way Agreeable to their Sense and Understanding As for the rest, in my several Volume upon this Subject, which in due time are to be forthcoming, there shall be deduced a large account of whatever is Remarkable. The fourth Volume shall present you with the History of the Ideal Commonwealth, their Policy, Discipline, Constitution, present Security and flourishing Condition; what severe Cognisance they take of traitorous Ministers; what Speed they use in dispatching Affairs, especially in Nice Extremes, and how they suppress all Teachers and Nurseries of Sedition.  
The fifth shall contain a true account of their excellent Attainments in all Arts and Sciences, and more particularly of their Architecture, i. e. their Method of erecting Castles upon Aerial and Pensile Foundations; which are Edifices of such a Nature, as may truly deserve a place among the Wonders of the Ideal World.  
In the fixth Volume you shall find a Dissertation concerning their manner of Conversing, Thinking, Dreaming and Propagating their Kind.  
These, and many other Particulars shall, with my Country's Leave, be referred to the said subsequent Volumes; towards completing of which, I shall call in all the Assistance that can be drawn from jamblicus, Porphyry, Cel●us, Suarez, Spinosa, Moor, Hobbes, Glanvil, Fox, Pen, Bourignion, Asgyl, Mendeza Pinto, King Oberon's Pneumatologia, and the two Orthodox B— s; besides many other Luminaries of Philosophy, Authors and Benefactors to the ancient and famous Corporation of Letters. At present the sensible World must be contented with a Specimen of those curious and inestimable Rarities, that will in time be imported from the Ideal, and become common among us.   

SECT. XXXI.  
The Raree-Show described according to the Author's Innate Idea, he having never bade the Honour to be otherwise acquainted with it. Hereby is made appear the Perfection of such Ideas, and a Parallel introduced between the Raree-Show and the Ideal World.  
HAve you not at any time inspected the travelling Theatre, or little in animate World Erratic? Have you not penetrated into the System of Rar● Wonders, which either the Art of plastic Nature, or the prudent Architect's Daedalean Hand, has enclosed in that magnificent Frame of Things, circumfusing the exterior Regions with a solid Atmosphere of Oak Dodonean, or of British Pasteboard?  
Thus constituted, it has erst been seen to move aloft, and in slow Procession, through the spacious Ways of some renowned Metropolis, Moscow or Pekin, or where St. Patrick's Shrine is visited by Paludigenous Wight, Doublinion; while Phoebus from his Eminence, with busy Rays played round the Surface, curious to peep into the absconded Scenes, and view this new-formed Universe; so emulous of the Old, and celebrated by Fame among the Stars. But they, who dwell in those calm and peaceful Regions, want not his Beams, enjoying more refulgent Day within from their own Lucid Sky, — solemque suum, sua sidera norunt.  
Nor has it not been seen defixt, or erected conspicuous, in the Centre of some populous Forum; the Arvonian Mart, or annual Wake of Morg anumia, ancient Town, high famed. Nor fails it there to be encircled by attending Multitudes of judicious and inquisitive Sages, Burghers, Burgomasters, Aldermen; aged Counsellors and potent Magistrates, that croued and press, and struggle to satisfy their impatient Thirst after true Knowledge, by contemplating the internal Constitution, or real Essence of such an amazing and portentous Phoenomenon. The sullen Officer, by Fates appointed Guardian of this sacred Treasure, still mindful of that great Trust, and the Duty of his Administration, staves of the rash and eager Clients, all inexorable to their vain Entreaties, rebuking, menacing, and chastising each audacious or unqualifyed Intruder; but admits in due Order, according to their Rights of Precedence, those Favourites of the Stars, that can give in for Credentials an Authentic Medal of the Face Royal, or Portraiture of the King's Person legally copied out on Metal genuine of Corinth.  
There lies near the Equator of this Mundane Fabric, a private Aperture or Hiatus, wrought, as it is reasonably supposed, by the Force of penetrating Heat, or violent Perustion; where, by Virtue of a certain Pellucid Quality, the Species Intentionales are freely transmitted and pass to and fro at pleasure. Hither is directed each dignified Virtuoso, to make his so desired Speculations; he bows himself approaching Submissive, and lifts off the wide Circumference of his renident and pinguedinous Bonnet, in Token of Reverence to the Guardian's Person and Office.  
No sooner has this Inquisitive rightly fixed the Telescope of his ocular Vision, but immediate Astonishment and Confusion surrounds him; nor can he suddenly believe the Testimony of his own Sense, That the same individual Body, whose external Phases represented it as a Cabinet of portatile Nature and exiguous Dimensions, should prove upon a closer Survey, to be really of such a prodigious Profundity within; where even Lyncean Sight would lose itself, in a more boundless Expanse than the Horizon of the open Heavens could spread out, either from the Aetherial Achme of Teneriffe, or the snowy Mountains of Melambaia. The Speculator continues Speechless, entranced and incredulous, till what time exerting his inspective Faculties with more resolute and violent Attention, his Doubts all vanish by the perfect Discernment of undoubted Realities; lofty Mountains, naked Rocks, fierce Savages, bloody Armies, towering Cities, rapid Streams, flowery Dales, beauteous Nymphs, loving Swains, besides Feast, Fightings, Caballing, treacherous Practices, and barbarous Assassinations. Nor does the faithful and knowing Keeper forget to expound the Nature of these surprising Objects, or to set forth their famous Histories, by declaring the most secret Thoughts, Plots, Projects, wise Counsels and wicked Machinations of every General, King or Emperor, that shows himself in any Transaction of Affairs; all which this great and experienced Minister, by his wonderful Sagacity, either Natural or Acquired, does as perfectly lay open as if he were versed in Astrology, or could see into the inmost Recesses of their very Hearts.  
Mean while his Hand so delicate and skilful, is observed to have strange Influence on a certain Machine of slendid Steel, attrite by Use (what will not Use atteare!) and of versatile Form reflex. Which actuated by overruling Impulse, flies round describing Circles swift, unnumbered and delusive of the Eye; and works rare Melody Delectable and Jocund, by Sympathetick Power, 

On golden Wires enchanted, dancing Keys,  
Or tuneful Spheres unseen, that answer sweet  
In various Tone, solacing human Ears,  
Arrect, nor Impotent to soothe the Mind,  
All lost in turbid Wonder at such Sight,  
Of Visions strange and new; or to demulce  
Beholder's Bowels, when at traitorous Deed  
Descried, or tragic Spectacle, he weeps  
In tender Sort, and sore aggrieved, makes Moan  
Piteous to hear; or when indignant I●e  
Rises with boisterous Fury to revenge  
Foul Villainy, and rip the Traitor's Heart.   

Sic primo medium, medio sic discrepet imum,  
Ut fiat sermo modo tristis, saepe jocosus.    

The several Particulars of the foregoing Section applied. The Raree-show proved to be an Emblem of the Ideal World. How the Governor of it may represent Father Malebranche. How they both agree in their method of Instruction and Philosophising. That the Ideal Spheres Aequipol to the Raree Music.  
JUDGE now, by your own Experience of this surprising Spectacle▪ how I was Wonder-struck to behold a new Universe beautiful and immense, opening itself so suddenly to my View; and within a Scull of no larger Proportions, than might have fitted a good reasonable Giant.  
Imagine how my Guide's paternal Care explained the Scenes Ideal, and my curious Eye directed, to survey original Forms naked of Being, and unessential Essences, Specific or Generical, that lie for ever buried dark and deep, in the unfathomed Womb of bottomless and inexhausted Nothing.  
Nor did the intelligible Orbs surcease their Raree Harmony, but blest my Ear with Song unutterrable, (not carnal Ear, but that which inly hears the gentle Whispers and still Voice of Truth, in Philosophic Slumbers) nor does its Loudness drown the Harmony in Silence, as of old of Crystal Spheres by learned Sage was sung. For Who is with the Faculty endued of innate Deafness, here has Privilege undoubted to enjoy the rapturous Song.  
Even Deafness ' self has equal Power to hear  
Th' Ideal Music of Ideal Spheres.  Obscuris vera involvens.   

SECT. XXXII.  
A short Apostrophe to the Ideal World, wherein all the principal Matters are explained by the Buy.  
HAIL to the happy Mansion of separated and quintessential Truth, the serene and bright-shining Region of intelligible Light and Glory! Welcome thou, my dear Reader, that hast traveled with me thus far, and art now safe arrived, and already much enlightened in thy Intellectuals. Thanks to the good Father for his Guidance, and Thanks to thee for thy good Company, without which all my Attempts had been Unsuccessful, my Travel void of Satisfaction. I know and can evidently read it in thy Countenance, how thy Heart is ravished, and beginning to bless the Hour that brought thee to my Acquaintance. But with what Gesticulation, what Elocution, shall we signify the Emotions of our Spirits, express our Joy, and proclaim our Raptures? Shall we fall into a Trance together, or shall we leap out of our Essences for very Gladness? See the very intelligible Theorist is at hand in our Necessity, to teach the impetuous Motions of mirifick Exultation.  
Here the contemplative Eye is saluted with a fair and beautiful Prospect of a bright and glorious World, 
See Theory of Ideal World, p. 1. p. 133.  as with the Rays of a rising Sun, shooting forth Beams of streaming Glory, bringing Light enough with it of its own from its Eastern Treasures, to render its Beauty visible, and to charm them that behold it. And now we may say 'tis Day all abroad, a serene and refulgent Day, now our intellectual Sun is up, that shining Orb of Ideal Light, the great Luminary of Spirits, and bright Mirror of Intelligences. We carry forth our View into the Regions of Truth, and can descry the very Basis and Foundation upon which it stands, Pillars upon which Wisdom has built her magnificent and stately Fabric. They are the eternal Essences of things, which we view in our World of Ideas, or intelligible World, all shining with the Light and Glory of essential and substantial Truth. The only World that is eternal; that was in the Beginning, and yet never began, that was never made, and can never perish, neither subject to Time, nor Chance, nor Alteration, where are those Essences of things, that are neither generated nor corrupted, which had their orderly System when the Earth was without Form and Void, and shone forth in full Light and Lustre, when Darkness was yet over the Face of the Deep, and should still persevere what they are, tho● this sensible All were reduced either to Chaos or Nothing, where there is Substance without Shadow, (that is, where we are all in the Dark) Act without Capacity (i. e. where a Man does more than he can) and Light without Darkness.  
And will not this convince Mr. Dodwel, that Light and Darkness are Persons of different Opinions, and the most opposite Parties? Does not he see what Antipathy has been raised between them, purely by this unhappy Disagreement in their Principles? Let him try his own Skill, exert his whole Eloquence, and see if by any means he can persuade them to set their Horses together (as no less a Man than our English Varro, expresses the thing.) And after all, if he should succeed thus far, yet it would be ineffectual to his Purpose; for such is their untoward and sullen Obstinacy, that whenever they are brought to an Interview, nothing comes on't but squabbling and falling foul upon one another: the Darkness immediately sets a dazzling the Light without Mercy, and the Light on the other side, if it have not Strength to eclipse the Darkness, yet annoys it more spitefully another way, and forces it to shine, whether it will or no, in a most wonderful manner.  

An impartial Enquiry into the Etymology, Orthography, and various Acceptations, of the Particle Lest or Lest, adorned with 5 or 6000 Quotations out of lost MSS. in Foreign, as well as English, Libraries. A Work very useful for all Critics and Students in Casuistical Philology, inscribed to Dr. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 by his 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 humil. and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 obeiss. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and most votat. and ossequiosiss. Ammirat.  Gabriel 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 
IN this World, we are now visiting, there is not to be found any thing so mean and despicable as Things, but pure Essences only.  
Here Entity and Quiddity,  
The Ghosts of Defunct Bodies fly;  
And Truth in Person does appear,  
Like Words congealed in Northern Air.  
Even Error in the Ideal World, is Truer than whatever is most True in the Sensible. Nor is it any Wonder, that Truth should be here in Person, when very Personality in Person, and the Person also of Personality of the Personality of the Person of Personality is here to be seen in Person. All other things have only the Shadow of a Person, whereas this is the True, the only True, Substantial, Complete Person; and a very Charming Person it is indeed. Here is likewise to be seen simple Visibility, the Optic Glass intelligible, the Actus Purus, or eternal Essence, by which all things are seen; and therefore 'tis easy to conclude, how plainly it must needs be seen itself. O thou Visible of Visibles! Thou Queen Regent of glorified Glory! Thou superlative and untransmountable Visibility! You Haecceiteity of Haecceity, Idea of Ideality, and Thou also, O great and celebrated Nonentity of all high and mighty Not-Beings, disembogue your unsubstantial Vacuity; shed forth the genial Rays of your incommunicable Impotence upon the Glandula Pinealis, of my Ideal Essence; enabling me to see all things that are, and all things also that may be, nay and even those things themselves, which never were nor can be, and have therefore by blind and barbarous Anti-Idealists been abused, just as if they were so many nothings, and had no manner of Intelligence.   

How the Countess of Z— X fell upon the Turkish Fleet a-horse-back. How she overtook the same at St. Omers, and put them to flight with a Cross-Bow.  
THE next Observation we shall oblige you with, will in all likelihood be that which follows. 'Tis well known, how the sensible World is disfigured by innumerable Blemishes, and a misshapen Brood of Monsters, that affront all the Laws of Nature, and disgust the judicious Observer. Now in the Ideal World, on the contrary, every Species keeps to its just Proportions, and never appears distorted, in any Instance, or otherwise than exactly as it should be.  
There might you behold all shining, unsullied and complete, the Essences of every Virtue and Grace, of Love and of Beauty; which, in the sequel of my Works, shall be drawn at full Length. Nay, the naked Essence of Deformity itself is so tightly Deform, that what is most Beautiful and most Charming, in the sensible World, can never compare with it for Handsomeness.   

How Geometry and Physiognomy were improved by the famous Mathematician 〈◊〉 Malmesbury.  
MY Reader being so celebrated a Wellwisher to the Mathematics, (which is as much as to say, Student in Physic and Astrology) will doubtless receive a very particular Satisfaction from the News I am to tell him, concerning all manner of Figures and Diagrams. These abound in the Ideal World, and are esteemed the most excellent in their several kinds, that can any where be met with. There are Circles, for instance, many of them much resembling Hoops, which also are reputed the Causal Exemplares, or primitive Patterns of all Hoops whatsoever. There are other Circles to be seen of Mr. Hobbes' Square sort, which 'tis possible a common Spectator might scarce know to be Circles. They are of great use in establishing a Commonwealth, and demolishing immaterial Substances; but the Logicians disallow them as altogether unserviceable to a Disputant. For, these Circles, say they, will afford no Assistance towards drawing up an Argument into the Round Figure; which is universally acknowledged the most complete of all Figures, and to be of sovereign use in War, as well as in Philosophy. The Difference in the two Disciplines is only this, that Warriors never conject themselves into an orbicular Body, but in Cases of Extremity; whereas Philosophers do not only recur to this expedient, when they act upon the Defensive, or when they are pressed by some Necessity of their Affairs; but frequently surprise the Enemy by it, and use it not unsuccessfully for a Faint, in making their Attacks. Nay, sometimes (so habitual is this most excellent Practice become to them) they run into it without thinking of it themselves, or so much as knowing what they are about. Witness a Thousand Demonstrations in the Works of C— s, M—che, N— s, S— t, H— s, S—ck, and a Thousand other worthy Authors, all either as round as Ideal Hoops, or at least, blest with as much Dissipability as Carmina Cumaeae foliis mandata Sybillae. O Theorists! Foliographers! Cosmarchitects! Enlightners and Distracters of Sense and Reason, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Cogit enim excedere propositi formam operis erumpens animo & pectore indignatio. Nil egistis, O 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 nil inquam egistis, nis●  
Insanire juvat—  
— certâ ratione modoque.  
— Vos ego tandem  
Insanus inter verearne insanus haberi▪   

All Objections and Evasions answered. Difficulties solved. An Hypothesis proposed for assigning the Essential and Efficient Causes of the Perfection of the Ideal World, together with a perfect Idea of the said Causes, and the Causality of the said Idea.  
THE Ideal Hoops, or Circles, are not without their Cylinder, or Ideal Tub; but this Vessel is now become a very empty and dry Subject, 
According to the Dissertator upon Aesop's Fables, and Monsieur de Meziarac's unseen Biography.  having lately been exhausted, as it were, in the Telling of a merry Tale. Yet still it can afford. Or Pun ambiguous, or Conundrum acquaint. Touching this Chapter, my Reader will doubtless agree with me, that thus far it is wretched Stuff, or at least, that it is not extraordinary Fine; but 'tis such as frequently comes into Tully 's Head, and Mine, and likewise Dr. B B—ly's.  O fortunam Natam me consul Roman. 
Aesop was too short a Man to make a PROPER Ambassador. However, 
See Dissert. upon Aesop's Fables.  We Three are not without something to say for ourselves, for 
Wit, like Terse Claret, when't gins to pall,  
Neglected lies, and's of no Use at all:  
But in its full Perfection of Decay  
Turns Vinegar, and comes again in Play.   
Your Belief of this great Exactness in the Ideal Figures will be mightily eased, when I shall have informed you, that the Ideal Compasses, etc. by which they are described, are no less exact than the Figures. For Quod habet potest dare, and the Perfection of Diagrams must follow the Perfection of Instruments. Now 'tis certain, that material Tools are but so many clumsy and lame Businesses, if compared to the admirable Contrivance of the Intelligible; and yet even these material Goods, how mean soever, were not of human Invention, but only copied from those exquisite Originals in the Ideal World. There, and there only, are reposited the Patterns of all things that are, or can be devised; and 'tis certain, that even the famous Standards at Winchester were, one time or other, all borrowed from thence. The same we must acknowledge of all other Utensils, and all Contrivances whatever; which may serve to take down the Vanity of our conceited Discoverers. For, Whoever first thought of Eating or Drinking, Living or Dying; or pretended to invent Shining, Sneering, Half-crowning; Acrostics, Eclipses, Lord-Mayors, Bread'n'butter, etc. he did no more than look into the Ideal World, and make Transcripts of what he saw there.   

A Panegyric against Basilisks, by a Person that pretends to be in Love with Flavelia, which I believe is all a Sham.  
STrange Serpents that in Lybian Deserts lie,  
Unarmed can wound, and murder with their Eye;  
But than we find the Gasping Sacrifice,  
When once it falls, is never known to rise.  
But you, Flavelia, can do more than these;  
Your Eyes can kill and quicken when they please.  
Hence I by fatal Turns, Unhappy Swain,  
Die but to live, and live to die again.  
N. B. This seems to be the Person abovementioned, that Invented Living and Dying.   

The Calendar.  

1.  
NAY never talk, 'tis a whole Year  
Since first I saw, and was undone;  
The Time I have exactly here,  
And to a Moment written down:  
Don't be profane and laugh; this Diary  
Is Love's whole Body of Divinity.   

2.  
Other Historians as they please,  
May light Occurrences omit;  
But said, or done, whate'er it is,  
We take the Book and enter it.  
The pettiest Circumstance of When and Why  
Is of vast Weight in Love's Chronology.   

3.  
To see me register that Smile,  
You'll call me heinous Fool, I know;  
But laugh, and banter as you will,  
'Tis down, and in Great Letters too:  
Should Frowns and Smiles be cancelled hence, no doubt  
My Calendar would half be blotted out.   

4.  
That others may, I don't deny,  
Quite different Schemes for Seasons raise;  
But 'tis by These alone that I  
Know all my Fasts and Holydays:  
Ah! could I there record one Kiss from Thee,  
That Kiss alone gins my Jubilee.    

How old Authors ought to be transfused into modern Languages, in such manner that the Spirit of them may evaporate. How the Caput Mortuum must be hermetically rimed up. The way of making LucretiusWater, and Sirrup-o'-Virgil; of which the Reader shall have a Taste, when he he gets towards the end. How to tinge them both with a false Colour.  
MY tenth Volume shall be embellished with an account of these Essences, among others, viz. the Essence of a Chaffing-Dish, of a Bell-founder, of a Clock-maker, of Stewed-Prunes, of the Number 16, of Pain, of Mustard, and of Apples, which in the new World are generally Golden; besides which will be inserted the Effigies Amoris, the Idea Moralis Philosophiae, 7258918 different Ideas of Wisdom, 12345678987654321 of Unity, and 392351782 41862749283163859 of Cushediship and Weeweesiness. 
See Bp. S— t'tis Letter to Mr. Lock.    

Tractatus de Suppositalitate suppositi supponentis, seu de Alleg oriarum Mallea●●lium Individuatione.  
THE Idea of Harmony is infinitely more charming than the most exquisite Compositions of Purcel, Baptist, 〈◊〉 Carissime. This Discovery does happily supply us with Answers to several acute and judicious Queries. What are become of the Charms of Music (says the great Author that chose himself to represent the Ignorance of the modern People) Charms by which Men and Beasts, Fishes, Fowls and Serpents, were so frequently enchanted, and their very Natures changed; by which the Passions of Men were raised 〈◊〉 the greatest Height and Violence, and then as suddenly appeased, so as they might 〈◊〉 justly said to be turned into Lions or Lam●s, into Wolves or into Hearts, by the Power and Charms of this admirable Art? There now remains no difficulty of solving th● important Doubt. What are become of these Charms of Music? 'Tis evident they are all in the Ideal World, where they ever were, and ever will be; and safe enough from being lost by Inundations, either of merciless Waters, or barbarous Enemies; for either of these, it seems, hath at certain Periods, overpowered the Charms of this admirable Art.   

The Life of Merlin and Mother Shipton, extracted from the Miscellanea.  
WE have found something also that may be replied to the following Demand— What have we remaining of Magic, by which the Indians, the Chaldaeans, the Egyptians, were so renowned, and by which Effects so wonderful, and, to common Men, so astonishing were produced, as made them have Recourse to Spirits, or Supernatural Powers, for some Account of these strange Operations? Though it must be granted, that the forementioned Science is no where at that Perfection as in the Ideal, or Supernatural World, yet are there some visible Footsteps, and Rudiments of it, that seem to be known, in the Natural. Witness that Sympathetick Powder, which being infused by Military People into long pieces of Brass, will kill a Man, by Conjuration, without coming near him, or letting him know any thing of the matter.  
Tho' this Instance might be sufficient to our present purpose, a few more shall be added, and by that means we shall put the Case beyond all Dispute.  
'Tis certain there is still extant in the Natural World, that famous Raree-show, so deservedly celebrated as an Ectype of the Intelligible; not to mention the Enchanted Labyrinth we traversed in our way thither.  
Besides, who has not seen the strange Operations performed by the admirable Art of Germane Magicians? Who has not had his Purse enchanted out of his Pocket, or been himself enchanted out of his Senses? Who knows not, that a Jargon of sounding Periods, tho' perfectly insignificant, shall carry a Cause against the most powerful unregenerated Arguments, 
See F. Malebranche's Treatise concerning Sir K. Digbies Grand Elixir, or regenerated Medicine.  and convey Delusions by the Enchantment of mee● Sophistry?  
Who knows not, that our modern Gypsies, either Stroulers or Domestics, or by what other Title soever dignifyed and distinguished, have Power to Bewitch such Persons as take a Fancy to them, or bestow upon them any kind of Benevolence?  
And don't we every Day see a thousand strange Operations from the Power of Obstinacy and Conceit; which Bewitch Men, and Turn them to perfect Asses, in a most astonishing and unaccountable manner?  
Thus much we may modestly affirm in Vindication of our modern and natural Magic, that A—, and B—, and C—, and D— l are most certainly bewitched; the last especially in a very eminent degree, tho' by some erroneously taken for a Conjurer himself.  
Carmina vel sanos possunt avertere sensus.  
Carminibus Circe socios mutavit Ulyssis  
— in vultus ac terga ferarum.  
Did it not seem an Affront to the Memory of so great an Author as Sir W— ● T— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, I should be tempted to suspect, either that he had not duly perused, or did not well remember the learned History of the Renowned Dr. Faustus, or of our famous Friar Bacon, together with the merry Waggeries of his Man Miles, and the Exploits of Vandermaster the German, and Friar Bungy the English Conjurer: how they studied the Art-Magick, in making a Brazenhead, and a Brazen-Wall, to have Walled all England with Vinegar; which were Effects as astonishing to common Men, as most of those renowned Operations performed by the Ancient Indians and Chaldaeans.  
You are desired to take particular notice, that there is not the least witty Passage in this Section, nor so much as two Words cleverly put together; at least, I am not conscious that any thing of that kind has here escaped me; but since Accidents may happen, 'tis but a reasonable Request, that, if you should here and there have met with a Period, or a Phrase, a little brighter than its Fellows, you would be pleased to believe the Author entirely innocent thereof; and that 'tis purely a Mistake of the Printers, or some Blunder occasioned by Inadvertency.   

Apollo's Impeachment of Ulysses for Robbing his Cow-roost. Abridged by way of Paraphrase, in Seven Cantos.  
Canto III.  
THey've hacked and mangled 'em so Barbarous,  
'Twould grieve Keil's Heart or Dr. Scarborow's.  
Here Rumps and Sirloyns, there a Man see●  
Kidneys, and Maws, and Purtenances.  
Brains, Guts and Gore (so mashed and clotted  
That one would think 'em all besotted)  
With Hearts (O quam mutata now!)  
That in their Life-time were so True.  
Poor Beasts! they're changed in Shape so, and in  
Their Faculty of Understanding,  
That if I met them in a Dish,  
We scarce should know each others Phiz.  
But (that which makes me fret most basely)  
Here does the Devil of the Case lie;  
The Limbs, and Pieces which remain  
Are maumauked so, that though I fain  
Would stitch and patch 'em up again,  
They'll ne'er be put together more,  
So clever as they were before.  
These Jaws and Hoofs don't suit so well as  
They ought to do, if they'd be Fellows.  
That Tongue and Udder ne'er will hit it,  
And these same Horns can scarce be fitted.  
Here's a Tail's End wants t'other Piece;  
And there be Ribs won't Coalesce.  
That Thing without a Rump, or Skull,  
Makes but an Oddish kind of Mull.  
O my Dear Cows and Heifers Dearest!  
Whom I so oft and sweetly Caressed,  
Am I Awake, or in a Vision?  

* See the Beginning of Mr. Dryden's State of Innocence.  Is this a Case, this a Condition,  
For you to meet my loving Eyes in,  
And kill me with the Sight, like Poison?  
Is't thus you welcome in your Phoebus;  
That used to leap, and fawn, and me buss?  
I meanwhile Inscious and Ignarous  
Of what had happened in my Warehouse,  
Was just contriving a new Ballad,  
To make you Merry at your Salad,  
But now my Heart will break in Pieces,  
At the sad Spectacle my Eye sees.  
In vain I kept you safe from Lions,  
And Wolves, that often Patience try ones.  
For what has all my Caution booted,  
That saved you to be thus Cut-throated,  
By a vile Strouler, as infamous.  
As ever any Varler's Name was?  
'Tis true I had as fair a Warning,  
As any Cuckold of his Horning.  
For might not his old Tricks have taught us;  
Or is Ulysses now sic notus?  
This Rogue the Son of Old Laertes,  
And what d'ye call his Wife?— A Fart he is!  
Or 'tis as sure as we do breath here,  
The Son will ne'er be like his Father.  
How should such Vagabonds and Errants  
E'er prove a Comfort to their Parents?  
Laert●s is a true Old Lad;  
A special Workman at his Trade;  
That goes about his Work a Mondays,  
And never Rambles as his Son does;  
But lives in good Repute, and, further,  
Kept all his House at Home in Order.  
But now Ulysses and his Rivals,  
Pull back him, he'd be sure to thrive else.  
He keeps a Mug of stout October;  
This Cur, I fancy, will keep no Beer,  
And yet 'tis hard to catch him Sober.  
Th' old Gentleman will take his Pot,  
'Tis true enough; but what of that?  
Pray can you tell me who will not?  
He can be Wise and Merry both;  
You shall ne'er hear him swear an Oath,  
Nor a worse Word than Faith and Troth.  
For when h'has had a Cup o'th' Creature,  
You'd say he is nothing but good Nature;  
He takes his Pipe and talks so Loving  
In his old Corner next the Oven.   

The Method of making a Chasm, or Hiatus, judiciously; the great Reach of Thought required for the Contrivance thereof, together with the Difference between the French Academies and the English.  
SUpposing my Reader to be grown weary of the Words Sensible and Intelligible, I will so far comply with his Humour, as to change them for the Terms Old and New; being also the more inclinable to get them dismissed, because, though they have hitherto done me faithful and laudable Service, yet they seem now to Reflect upon me, and seldom agree to my Proceed: Upon which account I make no doubt but 
His tu prima malis oneras, atque objicis hosti:  
meminisse pigebit Elisae.  
The Author very well understands that a good sizable Hiatus discovers a very great Genius, there being no Wit in the World more Ideal, and consequently more refined, than what is displayed in those elaborate Pages, that have ne'er a Syllable written on them. Yet this Vacuity, now under your Consideration, was not designed, or compiled, upon that Inducement, but full sore against the Author's Will, who has been forced to suppress a Multitude of his choicest things, in Compliance with Mr. Stationer; a Person of so scrupulous Intellectuals, as to refuse to print Things which, he said, he could not understand.   
These, O Europe, are wonderful Speculations, nice, dark and abstruse, but important; the Philosophy lies deep absconded, but may easily be drawn out, and laid open in the following Scheme. You are to keep in mind that Sensible and Intelligible, Old and New, are the Matter we have to work upon; and the very Words point out to us the Way we must proceed, namely Partakingly of both Algebra and Geometry; by the Equation of Cubick Sections and Conic Roots; 
See Hobbes' Treatise at the End of his Letter to Bp. Bramhall.  for the most part Graphically, but always Parallelipipedonically, when the thing can be conveniently so done.   

Explanation of Fig. 1.  
N new. O old. w word. W world. I intelligible. S sensible. D december. T totum. P pronouns.  
Now the Spirit of Quotation is upon me, there is no Possibility of Suppressing Lucan's Noble Thoughts upon the same Subject. 
See Lib. V Verse 237.  
Interea domitis Caesar remeabat Iberis,  
Victrices aquilas alium laturus in Orbem.  
Sphaer a autem justocontent a sit Aequore Campi,  
Impune ut tenuis circùm se Linea flectat,  
Lasciva, & spiris intact a immanibus errans.  
Maeander qualis Labyrintho ludit aquarum,  
Et vastos liquidis montes complectitur ulnis.  
Victrix causa Deis placuit, sed vict a Catoni.  
Quem superimposito moles geminat a Colosso.  The translating of these Heroic Lines I most humbly recommend to the Ingenious Dr▪ Br— n, or the most Ingenious Sir R— d Bl—, hoping that they will at their Leisure, make proper Reflections upon this other Semi-Distick, Qui Bavium non odit, amet tua Camina, Maevi. For this, I can assure them 'tis to be found in a great Passable Writer of Verses, if they please only to consult Dolphin-Indexes with due Care.  
Matters being thus prepared, and all things tending violently towards an Engagement, the two Parties, Opponent and Respondent, stood in Posture, with Pencils and Compasses drawn, the one to mark Whence and Whether a Line of Communication should be described, the other wholly bend to execute the said Orders, not without the utmost Contention of his Abilities; Trembling with high Ambition, and impatient Love of Applause.  
Whoever had the best hand at bringing round his Lines a Quovis Cypher ad Quodvis cipher, not allowing them to touch, or intersect each other, was in those learned Ages, accounted the wisest Philosopher; and great were the Honours decreed him, of which I shall but name one. This victorious Person was wheeled round a public School with much Pomp, in a kind of Vehicle contrived for that Purpose, and not unlike to a modern Barrow. During the Procession he kept his Face fronting directly towards the Spectators; which being all over planted thick with Plumage of Subfuse Appearance, not without the Ornament of a proportionable Beak affixed in its proper Place, did much resemble the graceful Countenance of an Athenian, or Palladian Bird, so called from being Favourite to Minerva. The Eyes only were suffered to show themselves, and these appeared very Glaring and Illustrious, by the Advantage of two Magnifying-Glasses, which were Concave, like the Crystal of a modern Watch, of Blazing Darklanthorn. Many other Ceremonies and Triumphal Decorations being laid out upon the Sucessful, lest too great an Inflation of Mind should ensue, there was appointed an Officer to follow at a cer-Distance, supplying him with frequent Sprinklings of Dust and Cinders, and at the same time loudly calling upon him, Not to forget that he was still but a Mortal. This Custom was afterwards revived by the Romans, upon wise Considerations, and used for many Ages on warlike Occasions, among that noble People.  
Aristotle is said to have road Triumphant in the foresaid manner, some five and thirty Times, and gained himself thereby so great a Reputation, for a shrewd Person at this way of disputing by Ciphers, that Alexander the Great chose him for his own Master. It must be acknowledged, that the Exercise we are speaking of, seems to have been in Vogue chief among the Stoics, till it was taken up by Plato, some Years before, for the Practice of his own Scholars; which is thought to be the only Reason why Diogenes so fiercely inveighed against it, as an Artifice designed purely to serve the ends of Popularity and Vainglory. I think it has never been denied, that this very Thing occasioned the famous Quarrel between Pythagoras and Archimedes, concerning the Invention thereof; as likewise their late unhappy Duel at Rotterdam, in which Archimedes debauched Semiramis, the Wife of Don-Confuchu, and Pythagoras was so successful, as to confute King Pepin Le Grand, by distinguishing directly through his Lungs.   

Of the Building of Babel.  
THE very Bottom of Designs being thus discovered, and even laid before your Eyes in the foregoing Schemes, you will doubtless acknowledge, that I have therein showed a high Degree of Wisdom, as well as a great Insight into Philosophy, both Natural and Civil; though 'tis possible that you might otherwise have wondered what these Proceed were driving at.  
To manifest my Desire of dealing openly and fairly with my Reader, I judged it convenient to give this public Notice of my Terms being altered, that all things being duly performed on my side, if any Misunderstanding should happen, the Fault mainly entirely at his Door. I therefore farther advertise him, that by the Old World shall be understood the Sensible; from which he may readily collect, that the Intelligible is to be meant by the new. For, altho' the Sensible World be in very Deed the Recenter of the two, in regard to Age; having been created but of late Days, whereas the Intelligible has been a World from the first Moment that Eternity itself saw the Light; yet the Discovery of the Intelligible is of later Standing than the Creation of the Sensible. The Discovery of the former is owing to a Lucky Accident in the Building of Babel, upon which I am not now at Leisure to dilate. This Accident gave the Hint; but had it not been favoured and coadjuted by the Conjunction of certain Circumstances and Planets, together with a benign Irradiation from the Moon, we had been buried in Darkness to this day, and the Curtain would still have continued Drawn between human Minds, and that bright Region of Intellectual Light, tho' seated and residing even within them; such having been the Will and Pleasure of Fate, that notwithstanding the New, or Ideal World consists in nothing else but every Man's Knowledge, yet sublunary Things should be so nicely ordered, that for many Ages together no Man should know it.   

A Disappointment that gave me much uneasiness and Astonishment. A very good jest. The Nature of a Praedicable.  
AMong all the Particulars I discovered, there was one which dissatisfied, as well as surprised me, to such a degree, that I blest myself not a little for my happy Caution in keeping out of this Ideal Enclosure. Not one of my own Species could I set Eyes on, (I mean the Eyes of my Understanding) nor discover the least Idea of a human Creature in any Corner of the Ideal World. This I remonstrated to my Guide, and plainly told him my Suspicion, that there was no being made Free of the Ideal World, without being first divested of the Rational Nature, and assuming some other Specific Essence. A very good Jest, said he, I thought I should catch you showing your Ignorance; and now do I know, as well as can be, that you imagine the true Idea of a Man must be like such Men, as you are used to see and converse with— This 'tis to be under the Prejudice of Sense! But take it from me, that Men are not changed in the Ideal World, but 'tis the Idea that suffers an Alteration, when it becomes a Man. Look about you now and see, tho' there be no Men in the Ideal World, whether you can't discover the Idea of a Centaur. Plain enough replied I; there are several between that same Chimaeras yonder, and the Dimunitive Hircocervus. Very well, 
See the Musae Anglicanae and Smiglefius.  said my Guide; now a Centaur (d'ye mark) is the complete and original Idea; for, Centaur, or Animal, being the Genus, it's two Species, Rational and Irrational, are only broken Ideas of a Centaur dismembered, or distributed into the Parts of its self. This Division the Aristotelians, if they shall see fit, may pretend to have happened in the Life-time of their Master; but the Thing is undoubtedly of a much ancienter Date, as having been a necessary Effect of that great and general Dissolution at the Noetical Deluge. 
See the Sacred Theory of the Earth.    

A Corollary.  
'TIS absurd therefore, and ridiculous, to talk of the eternal and unchangeable Idea of a Man, or of a Horse; Since, taken apart, they are no better than Monsters in Nature. For the Truth of this, as far as concerns the former Species, I may appeal to Observation of Particulars; such as Tarquin, Nero, Domitian, our Richard the Third, the West-India Spaniards, East-India D—, Regicide English, and the jesuitico-fanatical Saints, wherever dispersed; not to instance in Cain, judas, Sir Satanides Goatham, and a Multitude of other great Worthies, very nobly qualified to adorn a Black-List.   

Advertisement very necessary to be here inserted.  
YOU are to know, that this Sir Satanides Goatham, is a certain Man in Office, who by several great Attempts has made himself very considerable, and purchased an invaluable Reputation, Honour and Esteem, among all the Nobility and Gentry that live within the Sound of his Name. The Particulars are, a harmless Rape upon a Young Lady of extraordinary Virtue, as well as Wit and Beauty; a civil Design to murder one of her Relations; together with sincere Endeavours to ruin and defame her whole Family: in all which laudable Undertake, by the Spite of envious Fortune, he has come off with Disappointment and Infamy, though not Shame.   

A second Corollary in Honour of the Trojan-Horse, or Great Leviathan.  
IF we remember how that great Doctor Freneticus, Thomas of Malmesbury, has irrefragably demonstrated the State of Nature to be a perfect State of War; and if we add to that Conclusion what has now been discovered concerning original Centaurs; these Doctrines, so laid together, will amount to a full proof, that in our degenerate Times, nothing can approach so near the true State, whether Natural or Ideal, as Fight a-Horse-back.  
From this Consideration is chief derived the great Dignity of a Trooper, and more particularly of such as road in the Oliverian State of War.   

A further Account of Centauris; A Mistake concerning them rectified. The Ancient Poets censured. That Pegasus was neither Proteus, nor Ben Johnson. That— is neither St. Peter, nor St. Paul.  
I could not but observe, to my great Amazement and Indignation, how basely Learned Men have all along been misled in their Notion of a Centaur; and that by taking up with such lame Descriptions as the Poets have delivered, in their Metaphysical Histories. These Gentlemen have, most certainly, either had very poor Information themselves, or been very unfair in suppressing Part of the Truth. For though in their Chronicles concerning Ixion and his Ideal juno, they have given us a fair Account of a Centaur's Generation, yet there is another Point wherein the whole Nation of Poets have greatly deviated from the Truth, and brought an ugly Suspicion upon their own Veracity. For, with what Reason, or Countenance can it be pretended, that the entire Genus of Centaurs is comprised within the two Species of Risible and Hinnible, or Man and Horse? Doubtless they were induced to this Partiality, either thereby to do an Honour to their own Pegasus, or to make their court to some Knight-Errant, or other puissant Person that delighted in Chivalry. For, had they reported the Truth, we should have been informed, that the Generality of Centaurs● are of other Compositions, our Ideal Humanity being coupled with more irrational Kind's than Proteus could put on seeming Transformations, or than Human Individuals were really transformed into, when Metamorphoses were in Fashion. This I can fairly attest, that in my most accurate Survey of the Ideal World, I could not descry more Men-Horses, than Men-Bulls, Men-Camels, Men-Elephants, Men-Sharks, Men-Cuckows, Men-Foxes, or Menasses, which make as good Centaurs as the best.   

An Essay towards the Theory of Human Nature.  
'TIS from these primitive Copulations that mortal Men inherit the great Disparity in their Tempers and Constitutions; every one retaining a Tincture of that Nature to which his Human Essence is Individually, or Intelligibly united. This gives an amorous Disposition to one, and a revengeful to another; 
See what Aristophanes saith in Plato's Sympoes.  makes one a Friend, and another a Traitor. This makes Sir Midas C— love himself alone, and yet use himself as if he hated no Body else so much; and the same— inclines W—h, T— t, and G—er, to enjoy their own Wealth, but find the greatest Pleasure in that part of it which they communicate.  
Hence it is that some prefer their Country's Interest to their own, and others betray the Commonwealth rather than be a little eclipsed in their Domestic Greatness. Hanno, the Carthaginian, is said to have acted in this manner; I cannot certainly tell, whether there are any other Instances that could be given.  

† See Dispensary.  Milo derives Athletic Vigour hence;  
Hence— his Atheism and his Impudence.  
Hence Lewd Sempronia has her wanton Fire,  
And— raves with Impotent Desire;  
Hence— so muddy, S— p so Clear,  
Rich Vulpo Sly, Poor Stuttereero Queer.   

How to deduce Ideal Genealogies by the Qualities observable in particular Persons.  
SIR Satanides Goatham, the forementioned Animal, boasts his Ideal Pedigree from the Satyrs, or Man-Goats; a celebrated Branch of the Centaurean Race. There is in this Family an Hereditary Distemper, something allied to the Syphilis, and the Furor Priapeius, which ferments in their Veins with few Intermissions. It once threw Sir Satanides into a raging Fit, that most deplorably distressed for some Relief, and even wild with Impatience, he demanded an Exchange of Blood with a Nymph descended from the Phoenix; but that being attainable, neither by Love nor Money, nor the Charms of his Eloquence, nor the Might of his Puissant Arm, in a most outrageous Fury, to ease his Spleen of the satire, he transfused into his Jugular an incredible Quantity of Hounds-Blood; so that now remaining Man-Goat as to his Concupiscible, and Man-Hound as to his Irascible, his very Name is become frightful to Male and Female; neither of which can endure to meet him in the dark, being a dangerous Person in Quality, either of an Enemy or a Lover; in the latter Capacity especially; for, the meanest Operatrix would be loath to transfuse with him since the unhappy Accident of Dr. Harborough's Death; that convenient Graduate Physician, so Famous in the Daily Courant.   

The Doctrine of intelligible Centaurs further prosecuted.  
WHezius and Querpillo, the two Brethren Ramnusides, bear the Arms of so many Families, that a good Herald might be at a loss where to begin their Pedigree.  
Considered in their talkative Capacity, they discover the Jay, Magpie, or Parrot; In their Port they bear great Resemblance to a Peacock, though their Pertidapperipragmaticofinicality betrays the perfect—.  
Take them in their Poetical Dress, and Mr. P— will vow and swear that they are descended from the Aesopea● Daw; and the very P— that calls them both Virgil and Maecenas to their Faces, does really think them two Cuckoos or Ninnyhammers; or instead of being Transmigrated from the Mantuan Swan, to belong to the other Species, which once indeed preserved the Capitol by the obstreperous Sweetness of their Singing, — argutos inter strepit anser olores.  
Some imagine they came from the Italian Wagtail, but Mr. B—ls pretended he knew them to be Canary Birds.  
Notwithstanding this I have known others mistake them for City Mice, and plead several Arguments in Defence of that Error. The Principal of these are drawn from their Faculty of skulking, and creeping into fat Places; as likewise from the great Disorder of Mind, which has been visible in them at the very mention of the Fox and Weasel; 
See Aesop's Fables.  and from the excellent Courage they lately discovered in their single Combat with Sir joseph Fl— tun.  
N. B. This Chapter was written about the time of that Transaction. See Ld. Cl— n's Hist. Vol. 3.  
R— and S— will have them to be more probably Bat-mices, having observed their Trick of shunning the Light, and that remarkable Weakness that renders them so subject to be dazzled; especially by the Rays of a Louis'dor, or any splendid Body of that Nature.  
Time was that Dr. D— r adjudged them to the Wolf-Men, and that with great Appearance of Reason: 
For who, but ravenous Animals that came  
From th' Ideal Wolf of Wolfingam,  could ever have proved so Redoubtable— in the Hesperian Fleecing. Office? 
See Ovid. Met. 7.   
Were we at leisure to enumerate all Surmises and Allegations, there would be thrice as many Savages found to claim Kindred with Whezius and Querpillo, as Cities contended for Homer, or Religions for Mr. Bays. 
† This last Paragraph was written of late Days. See the Rehearsal, and T. Brown's Dialogues.  But in this there is a Disparity, that those Animals are all certainly akin to these Ramnusides in some or other Degree; whereas Homer might possibly be born in the Country, and Mr. Bays might possibly be of the same Lay-Religion with Smith, or johnon, or Ramnusides themselves.   

Concerning my Pedigree, and the present War.  
I know not whether I may expect Thanks for my Discovery of a new World; 
See Dr. Bently's Dissertat.  for I am resolved to stand it out, that 'tis entirely my own Discovery, tho' the thing was long since discovered by my Predecessors. Therefore We the Author of this Theory, in our own Name and Person, pronounce 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and challenge Mankind to appear, and do us Homage for the new Province put into their Hands. We may fairly presume, that a Newfound World, so much more Perfect, Fertile and Delightful than the Old, should reflect no little Glory upon our Age, and upon ourselves the Discoverer. Let me add that we, who boast the Happiness of our Birth from this Noble Island, and our Descent from the Ancient Britons, are able so clearly to make out our Country's Title, that there is great Probability no other Nation will set up any Pretensions against our Propriety and peaceable Enjoyment; for the King of France himself discovers no Inclination to quarrel with us about any part of the Ideal World.   

Concerning my impartial Distribution of the Preferments in my Gift.  
THERE are, 'tis true, several Honourary Dignities now vacant, and several large Countries, that have neither Names nor Governors yet assigned them. Finding these unoccupied, I have an indisputable Right to confer them on whom I please, producing for Precedents those late Discoverers that disposed of all the finest Dominions in the Moon by an Arbitrary Nomination.  
There is a Province peculiarly remarkable for a People of great Loyalty, for Godfathers, to which I have provided two noble Brothers, the Joy and Glory of Ancient Rome, who have freely bestowed upon it the illustrious Name of Gracchia. In this Laudable Canton, purely to gain my Reader's good Will, I do constitute and appoint for Lord Lieutenant— any one he shall please to recommend.  
Many a good Title have I granted away, either upon the Application of a Purse dexterously transferred, or in Recompense for Passive Obedience at Baggamon. Many a one have I parted with freely (for the sake of Old Acquaintance or the Old Cause) to Persons of Prime Quality, and not a few also to my Inferior Friends. The—, in Consideration of the Great Services he did to Me and my Family, during our unhappy Rupture with the late Grand Signior, I have elected King of Bubleria and New Formosa; and when ever the Archbishopric— or— Duchy of Puntillonia shall Fall, being a— Tattered— Superbe Im—s and August Oscitancy— I am very willing to entail it upon any Branch of the House of— or— or— or— or—  
The other (especially the European) Monarches shall have no reason to complain of any unequal Favour, or the least Neglect of any one's Merit; for having observed, that in making their Court, they have carefully avoided all those Squabling and Sinister Practices that are usual among Competitors, I have determined that they shall all have their Shares in my Bounty, and be promoted each to such Posts and Offices as he shall be found best qualified for.  
To make these Honours the more Honourable, and Illustrate the Noble List, I have faithfully enroled myself, erecting my Pillars on a certain Hesperian Promontory, that is to rejoice in the Denomination of Gabriel johannes; and because some of my select Favourites, whom I admit to a great Degree of Familiarity, have got a Custom at merry Seasons, to Salute me by the Name of Timothy; that I might deal impartially between both my Appellations, which are equally dear to me, I have appointed one of the most considerable Islands in New Utopia to go by the Name of TIMLAND.   

A CHAPTER In Imitation of— and SomeBody else that shall be Nameless.  
I am not a Person of the same Humour, and Principles, with your Ordinary Preface-Authors, to fill my Worthy Reader with high Expectations of what he is invited to, and then put him off with a Flat and Beggarly Entertainment. 'Tis well known that I made Promise, some few Hours ago when we first met, to be at extraordinary Expense, for providing him a Treat in some Measure suitable to His great Quality. And now upon the nicest Review of all that has been set before him, I cannot but bless my Good Genius, that every thing has succeeded so well, and pleased him in so extraordinary a manner.  
'Tis a mighty Satisfaction to reflect upon my Happy Performance; to find that the most sharp-sighted Philosopher can never descry the least Flaw in my Theory; 
See Theory of the Earth.  nor charge me with an ill●grounded Position, Inconsequent Deduction, or the least Glimpse of Obscurity: to assure myself that the most Captious and Cynical Critick● can spy out no Failure in the Composition; the whole being compiled with so natural a Coherency of its Parts, and enriched with such Delicate Sentiments, Surprising Turns, Ravishing Antitheses; and these all adorned with the most lively Beauty of the Brightest Phrase, and the Quaintest Harmony of most Elaborate Cadence.   

Of my notable Meekness in taking Advice. Of judicious Advisers. Dr. B— y's Head, my own Pillow, and some other Matters no less considerable.  
AS to the few Pages that are still behind, you must excuse me if I suffer my Pen to run a little more at Random. Thus I shall greatly ease myself, by relaxing that Intention of thought which is a Posture too wearisome for Human Mind to be long held in. And this I take to be the properest Season for taking out my Freedom, and entering upon the said Enlargement; for which you shall have my Reason immediately.  
Be it known then, that after long consulting my Sagacious Pillow, and my Learned Friend Dr. B— y, I have at last come to a Resolution, that the concluding Word of this Paragraph shall be accounted the End of my Preface, so long as my Book and this Universal Frame of Things shall continue in Being; and I do hereby charge and command all dutiful Readers and other Loving Persons, wheresoever dispersed throughout the Face of the habitable Globe, that they so acknowledge and respect it accordingly. Now this being declared, 'tis certain I shall drop some of my chief Readers the next Moment; being Persons that fall off, and prudently withdraw, as soon as the Preface is over. There are a Number of Persons in Europe, who bearing an unaccountable Aversion to us learned Authors, esteem the Entertainment of our Compositions no less insipid than that of our Conversations; or if ever they grow a little reconciled to either of them; yet still they will have it that We affect a ridiculous Singularity in Both. This, say they, puts us upon that preposterous Method of serving up our choicest Dainties in the first Course; which so palls the Appetite for any thing less delicate, that few Guests have Patience to sit out the Bill of Fare, or accompany the Author till he order Finis to take away. This is Reason sufficient why I should not be so curious in Cooking that plain, but substantial Meat, which is still to come in▪ Wherefore in evidence of this, I do earnestly entreat all my worthy and well-disposed Readers, to bear Witness for me that this Instant, the First of April, Old Style, 1701, but of my own Age 57, We Gabriel john, alias Timothy, do issue out Directions to our trusty and wellbeloved Amanuensis Ezekiel Philodash, that in order to prevent all future Dispute between our Book▪ and its respective Preface, as likewise all erroneous Mistakes of the hasty and ill-advised Peruser; he, the said Ezekiel Philodash, lawfully begotten Son to Ananias Philodash and Tabytha his Concubine, of the same Name and Vocation, do instantly and carefully fix up an Index, with a brief Inscription in Capitals, notifying that  ☞ HERE ENDETH THE PREFACE   

SECT. XXXVIII.  
The Best Section in the Book, concerning Seven Hundred Pounds a Year.  
I Doubt not in the least but some Thousands of my Readers are even overjoyed to see that the Preface has some End at last; having long since been quite jaded in their Spirits, and vainly flattering themselves at every Section▪ they were travelling through, that there would be no more to come. But if any one should have Strength of Heart to hold out; if any Individual Person of indefatigable Industry, innate Courage and undaunted Resolution, will still press on, being smitten with sweet Love of Truth, and filled with glowing Zeal to search, to comprehend, to digest; 
— Siquis tamen haet quoque, siquis  
Captus a more leget—  let him be assured that I can give him no manner of Encouragement; nor do I any more know what is immediately to follow this Sentence, than L— can tell what shall be his next Throw at the Groom-Porters, than P— can predict to what Point the Wind will change, or than S— can prognosticate what shall be his next No-Religion   

SECT. XXXIX.  
The next best Section treating of Six Hundred Pounds a year.  
HAving now thought of something to go on with, I require of my Reader that he put himself in a Posture to believe it, whatever it shall prove; that he give up his whole Understanding, Sense and Reason, entirely to my Disposal; for I am now entered upon an Ideal Pontificate, and already got into an extraordinary Humour of Infallibility▪ In Consequence▪ whereof▪ We Servus Servorum Animae Mundanae Platonicae, have resolved, determined and made a Decree, that 'tis safest Sailing in the Winter, provided always you don't trouble yourself to find whereabouts Rocks and Quicksands lie, as long as they are covered over with Water; and therefore we do pronounce Ex Cathedrâ, that whoever offers to speak, or so much as believe otherwise, is Schismatic Heretic, Enemy to the Ideal Hierarchy, and ipso facto, becomes liable to Ecclesiastical Censure, and all the Penalties thereunto annexed. For if my Lady FORTUNE should come Leering and Simpering, and address herself to my— in the Person of— telling me forsooth how mightily she is in Love with me, and bringing I don't know how much— or Forty Thousand Acres of Ploughed Ground in her Lily-white Hand— cry Here Tim, or Here Gabriel, take what thou wilt have— a Thousand Pound— nay thou art very welcome; take Two Pence more, or as much as you have a Mind to— Secretary of State— will you be King of— or have you a Fancy to be an Alderman? d'ye think now that I will take a Farthing of all this? No, that were a good One indeed. Timothy knows better things, I thank ye; for you must not think to put Tricks upon Travellers.  

The Plot thickens. A Surprising Catastrophe. The whole unravelled. My merry Moment's. How the self-enamoured Youth died Ideally. My Warehouse and Garret. Of Shadows, and their strange Agility in vanishing.  
— falsis datur exitus umbris.  
— portâ emittuntur eburnâ.  
— manus effugit imago,  
Par levibus ventis, voluerique simillima somno.  
Invalidasque mihi tendens, heu, non mea, palmas.  
TUrning, accidentally my internal Optics towards my Ideal Garret in New Barbican, what should appear to me at the Window, but the Counterpart, or the beautiful Idea, of myself. It was sitting as solitary as a Hermit, but in a violent Fit of Mirth, and undoubtedly under the Operation of some pleasant Conceit, which is a thing very familiar to me in my Retirements. And as 'tis sung of the former Narcissus, that his Idea in the Water, as cruel as he found it, never refused to smile, when it saw that he smiled in Return; I on the other side, Narcissus altar, could not choose but rejoice to see my Idea so joyful. But here indeed I fell into a fatal and deplorable Oversight— here was I seized with a rash Curiosity, which has proved the sad Occasion of so much Regret, and such grievous Lamentation, to me and to my poor Reader. 
Hic subito incautum Dementia cepit,  
— ibi omnis  
Effusus labour—  for by endeavouring to stare hard upon my Idea, my Eyes burst open, and I saw myself at that Instant, relapsed into the Sensible World. Thrice did I call for Help to my Guide, and thrice I endeavoured, but in vain, to clasp hold of him. My Guide, the Ideal World, and my own beloved, and lovely, Idea were all ravished from me, and vanished on the sudden; and, behold! I was sitting in the Place Father Malebranche and my own Idea had appeared to me, even by my Garret-Window in Barbican; where the Good Reader shall be very welcome to Paper-Diet, and may be furnished at reasonable Rates with all sorts of Ballads, Madrigals, Anagrams, Acrostics, and Heroic Poems, either by Wholesale, or by Retail; the Excellency of which I give him leave to judge by the following Samples.  ☞ HERE BEGINNETH THE POSTSCRIPT.  

A Vow to Cupid, OR The Fair Sacrifice. SONG.  

I.  
CUPID, how oft must I implore  
Thy cruel Deity in vain?  
Grant me one Boon; I'll ask no more—  
I mean, till I'm in Love again.   

II.  
Thy Chains I wear, yet ne'er repine;  
Ne'er pray to be released:  
I'm Sylvia's; let the Nymph be mine;  
Let both be Slaves, both pleased.   

III.  
Grant this, Kind Love, and hear my Vow  
That Sylvia's self shall lie  
Thy Lovely Victim. O do thou  
Both give the Wound and Flames supply!   
Virgil's Description of the Old Man's Garden at Tarentum, beginning  
Namque sub Oebaliae—  Georg. 4.  

Dissolved into English according to Art.  

AMong th' Oebalian Fields, that own their Pride  

* These are admirable Lines, and seem to have nothing of the Author's Sense; upon which account, you know, 'tis so much the better Translation; as may be learned from Dryden's Virgil, and the Works of some other Expedite Versifiers.  To the kind Water of Galesus ' Betide  
A poor Corician Villager had found  

† See Boileau's Epigrams.  One little Plate, and that Unhappy Ground. Pish!  
Nor Pan nor Ceres had a Harvest there,  
T'invite or recompense the tilers Care;  
No Cluster smiled, no Vintage crowned the Year.  
Puh!  
Yet this obdurate Soil the Swain compelled  
Some thin-set Herbs and poppy Flowers to yield.  
Helas!  
The springing Vervain did his Garden grace,  
And Lilies flourished in the Brambles place  
Thus, late at Even, his daily Labours passed,  
Returning he enjoys an unbought Feast;  
Rich with content, and more than Monarch's blessed.  
He saw his forward Buds and opening Rose  
The dawning Beauty of the Spring disclose.  
Pox on't!   
The Original might perhaps be thus rendered more tolerably.  

Nor fails each Spring to crop the earliest Rose,  
Each Autumn earliest Fruit from loaded Boughs.  
And when bleak Winter-Months, with Scythian Wind.  
Burst the hard Stones, the rapid Torrents bind;   
Whether either of the following Dissolutions would be worse than this I cannot tell; they are all as bad as I would wish.   

The 2d Dissolution.  

And when the barren Winter's piercing Cold  
Can split hard Rocks, and rapid Torrents Hold.    

The Third.  


* See Dryden's Virgil.  But when the Winter's penetrating Force  
Now bursts the Rock and stops the River's Course,  
Sad indeed.   
Three Versions of the same thing may excuse me from translating the next Line at all; which consisting of Terms above my Understanding, viz.  Ille comam mollis jam 

tum  
ten  
tun   debat Acanthi; 
I desire Mr. London and Mr. Wise to English it between them, being abundantly better able to do it than I am.  
Then would he wish the envious Winter gone  
Winter again.  
Worse and worse!  
And beg the tardy Spring to hasten on.  
His Bees the first their flowing Combs prepare,  
Clouding with early Swarms the Vernal Air.  
The Words  
— spumantia pressis  
Mella favis—  
be well rendered by Mr. Addison, in this manner,  
— his Vessels foam  
With the rich Squeezing of the juicy Comb.  
His sapless Earth made hardy Pear-trees bloom,  
Oh!  
And Thorns were taught to bear th' adopted Plumb.  
Very well.  
On faithful Boughs each growing Burden hung,  
And Autumn finished all the Spring begun.  
Which I take to be Fustian, as indeed every thing should be that designs to be admired. The Meaning is only, that all his young Apples hung till they were ripe.  
He had his Lindens too and thriving Pines,  
And knew to range his Elms in nicest Lines.  
Excellent!  
His Planetree flourished and began to spread  
For cheerful Hours a Sociable Shade.  
Ravishing!  
'Tis true, Composing is the Nobler Part,  
But Good Translation is no easy Art.  
How many Ages since has Virgil writ?  
How few are they that can translate him yet?  
Approach his Altars with Religious Fear;  
No Whining, Canting, Rhyming Devil can inhabit there.  
I lose my Patience when with saucy Pride,  
In Barbarous Rhymes I see his Numbers tied.  
The Genuine Sense, intelligibly told,  
Shows a Translator both Discreet and Bold.  
Excursions are inexpiably bad,  
And 'tis much safer to leave out than Add.   

My Lord Roscommon's Essay.  

O Had He lived to hail the Glorious Day,  
And sing loud Paeans through the crowded way.  
When in Triumphant State the British Muse,  
True to herself, refuses Barbarous Aid,  
Appearing in the Roman Majesty,  
Which none know better, and none come so near.   

— Talis nostri est Farrago libelli.    

Phoebus' Oration.  
Canto IU.  
The Argument.  
The Sun kept some West-country Cows upon Houndslough-Heath, some time before the Reign of Queen Elizabeth, according to the best Chronology, having had a particular Fancy for that Employment ever since he grew up from a 
† According to Ptolemy.  Little Star. Now it happened one Day, when the Sun's Back was turned, that half a Dozen Watermens, belonging to Ulysses' Barge, made bold with as many of the Sun's fattest Kine, and likewise Ravished his Milkmaid, Susanna Skimmington of Cheesewick, who would not have been ravished for Any Thing. Upon which Phoebus unharnessing one of his Horses, leaves his Coach to its own Discretion, and trots away full Speed to tell his Father Jupiter how these naughty Men had abused him.  
HAVE I for this kept such a Pother  
To let you all see one another,  
And often been upon the Road,  
When one would scarce send Dog abroad?  
For not the very Sirian Cur  
In a Cold Morning will e'er stir,  
But leaves me, like a surly Elf,  
To open all the Gates myself.  
What if a Wheel should fall a Blazing?  
'Twould put me a Consumed ' Maze in;  
For I've no Engine to throw Cloud-water:  
Vslid, I'd as lief drive Stage to Loud-water.  
Is it my Wages for Day-Labour  
To lose the Cattle that I pay for?  
When tho' I drove in worst of Wether,  
A Mighty Comfort to me they were.  
The Fates, forsooth, must take 'em from me  
Those Gypsies always strove t' undo me.  
And now the Bulldogs that have ar●e 'em,  
Would put me off with Temples; Rat 'em!  
We'll take no Temple ('tis below us)  
'Twere something if they'd build m'a Cow-House.  
For sure when e'er Occasion urges,  
Apollo need not want for Churches.  
But 'tis at lest full one to ten  
●●●e'er shall get such Cows again.  
The Rascals even may keep their Temples,  
Or build my Calves one, if it Them plea●●  
They have already (thank 'em finely)  
Bestowed some Altars on 'em kindly;  
And should they raise another Shrine,  
Who knows but they would steal more Kine?  
So Faith, unless you'll bid the Men  
Spew all my Cattle up again;  
And drown Ulysses in the Main,  
With all his damned Beef-eating Train;  
Or send the Villain into Bridewell,  
To teach him not to live so idle;  
I'll leave your Godships (de●e all Mark?)  
Every Mother's Child i'th' Dark,  
To run your Noses against Post,  
Or shift with Candlelight at most.  
I'll Put out all your Stars, and, you know,  
joan will be then as good as june:  
And Happy he can buy a Link  
For Love, or Money (now called Chink.)  
'Fore George, yeed best to use me well,  
Or I'll go shine to th' Devil in Hell.  
And Devil a God of all your Crew  
But should even Troop to Old Nick too,  
If you'd but Give the Devil his Due.   

The way to become a Philosopher. How many Rare Philosophers have been quite spoiled by Dr. Tyson.— pol me occidistis, Amici.  
DIsappointed as I was, in coming to myself again so unexpectedly, yet I cannot but rejoice and triumph in this, that my Mind is now become Illuminated, the Dimness of my Understanding cleared up, all the Film that Mortales hebetat visus,— wiped away, and the Essence of all things grown Intelligible. The subtle Philosophy of F. Malebranch, the seraphic Speculations of Mr. Norris, and the irrefragable Argumentations of Mr. Dodwel's Epistle; which (I must confess with Shame) appeared formerly to my weak and dull Brain, in the Shape of visionary Imaginations, double-minded Sophisms, Shadows of Echo; and Sick-men's Dreams, do now put on another Form, and show themselves in the clearest Light, to be as finely deduced, and as strongly coherent as if Truth herself had joined them together by way of Demonstration, as no doubt She has taken that Pains in some Cases.  
From this strange Effect and admirable Elucidation of my Intellectual Powers, 'tis a reasonable Conclusion that whoever makes a Visit to the Ideal World, is as sure to return a Philosopher, as he that Dreams upon Parnassus to awake a Poet.   

The great Reason I have to rejoice for the Death of Mr. Scarron. That He would have been the most likely Person to have made a jest of my Theory, or Travested it into some whimsical Burlesque, as soon as ever Mr. Boyer shall have finished his French Translation.  
I know the Malice of the World, and therefore can well enough foresee that the Honour I shall gain by this elaborate Work, will provoke a great many envious Persons to set upon me, with pretended Answers and real Abuses. This indeed I am little concerned at, 
See Theory of the Intelligible W. P. 1. ●. 149.  being satisfied that no part of my Theory lies open to the least Objection; and therefore the only Adversaries I greatly apprehend are your unlucky Drolls, to whom these re●ined Speculations may appear like Unintelligible jargon. These Persons being endued with sufficient Ill-Nature, and abundant Leisure-Time from their Business, 
See abundance of Places in the Sacred, and the Ideal, Theories.  will probably endeavour, instead of answering my Theory, to turn the most Weighty Parts of it into Comical Conceits, or expose them in some Odd and Humourous Disguise; thereby to Banter Mankind into an Opinion, that 'tis all no more than a mere Fancy, or a kind of Philosophical Romance. I am sorely afraid if an Angel should write such a Theory as this, these Men of Parts would pass the same judgement upon it, by reason of the Narrowness of their Spirit and Understanding. 'Tis certain, that a pleasant Vein of Raillery may sport itself with the noblest Composition, and make the most sublime Truths a Subject of Laughter; and there are a Crew of Little Wits, the very Pest of a Commonwealth, that will be nibbling at every thing that's great; and by these I expect to be Dignified with the Title of Visionist, or Enthusiast; only because the Truths I deliver are above their Comprehension. Be it known to them, that whether these, or whatever other Names, they shall choose in their Great Wisdom, to sit me withal, I shall not think them worth a serious Answer; and to write in their trifling manner is below If any Learned Person shall make an Attempt upon my Book, in a Logical, or a Metaphysical way, he shall be considered; but this, as was said, I don't at all apprehend. If I here express myself with some Assurance, 
See Preface to the First Volume of Mr. Norris' Theory.  'tis not that I prefer my Rational Abilities before those of other Men, but it must be considered, that I have been long Conversant in this kind of Studies, and therefore may see things in a better Light than they do, though not with better Eyes. Nay, so many thoughtful and solitary Hours, so many nightly Lamps and Lucubrations, have these Studies cost me, that indeed my poor Eyes, what with Age, and what with assiduous Poring, have the one departed this World, and the other almost worn itself out with incessant Grief for the Loss of its Fellow. By this I am accidentally reduced very near to that State of Illuminating Blindness, which F. Malebranch had at first recommended to me; and I think therefore 'tis very hard, if by this Time, and with all these Advantages, I may not be allowed to know something of the matter.   

Another Panegyric upon my own Performance. An Epitaph upon some of my Abortive Works. The Causes of their Abortion. My Grief and Weep thereupon. Polyuhemi lata Acies. The Beauty of an Excrescence.  
'TIs with Tears in my Eye, and great Anguish of Mind, that I am going to mention how many Witty Things I have judiciously blotted out; how many Dainty Thoughts and Curious Strokes, I have either cramped, or quite erazed, tho' it went grievously against my Will, and I could not be so cruel to my own dear Conceptions without a very tender Reluctancy of my Bowels. All this I was forced to in Deference to the Authority of Milbourn, Dennis, Rymer, etc. Tyrannical as it is; because tho' the Sentences were extremely fine and beautiful, it happened that they were not much to the Purpose. The Reader will see that my Book as now it stands, is remarkable for the same Precise Justness with the Writings of Virgil; there being nothing that can be taken from either without maiming the whole; nothing that can be added to either without the Deformity of an Excresence. This is the chief Point, and a very rare Piece of Mastery, Never to say too little, nor too much; and yet it makes good Mr. Waller's Saying of us Poets, that we  
— lose half the Praise we should have got  
Can it be known what we Discreetly blot.  
This is my Case, and to satisfy you that it is, any Gentleman who will please to buy Six of my Books, shall command a Sight of my foul Copy and my Adversaria; both to see the Truth of what I am asserting, and to enjoy the Pleasure of those lively Sketches which must now be for ever lost to the World, and for the Loss of which, the World owes but small Thanks to those Cynical Critics above-noted.  
Among other Remarkables, you may see a Panegyric upon Whip-stitch, Slap-dash, and Collier's Essays; another— touching— L— R— s Council during his Intowerment, and the— of— his Political Apostasy from G— B—'s Religious Principles. You may see also a smart Saying upon Wiseacres, and a charming Phrase for opening an Oyster, both Fire-new; besides two various Lection of great Importance to History, upon the famous Garismachides, a lost Author who is thought to have written nothing. Not one of these shall ever be seen but upon the Conditions proposed, and I am not a Man to be Wheedled out of a Purpose once settled in my Mind; tho' it were to translate Hickeringil's or Toland's Works into Latin Verses; any more than to be persuaded out of an Opinion I have once embraced, tho' it were that Toland and Hickeringil are both Saints, or either of them a Philosopher.   

Why the Author is so Desirous of being thought a Wit, now in his Old Age. An Humble Request that the Reader would Humour him therein.  
I Am well ware that among Persons who Canvas matters Nicely, and are very Circumspect in putting Things and Things together, it may seem a Problem, how this Edition should so unexpectedly happen to be the Second. And because Wise Philosophers are backward to believe what they are unable to comprehend, (as I have frequently found in my own Disputes with the Socinians, Atheists, and other Great Wits) they will probably imagine, that either the Bookseller, or the Printer, has made some Mistake in the Title-Page as to the Number of Editions; Nay, 'tis not impossible but some unlucky Surmise may fall upon the Author himself, as if he had designed to impose upon the Professors of Title-Page-Learning, upon whose good Opinion he has so great Dependence. And this would ruin his Credit for a Philosopher, by bringing into Question the Truth of his Narration, and those very Positions that are the Hinges upon which his whole Theory turns. Now in such a case, 'tis evident the Theory could be of no Benefit to the Commonwealth of Philosophy, nor work its desired Effect upon the Understandings and Opinions of Mankind. It doubtless lies upon me to obviate so grievous a Calamity as this by all Ways and Means that my present Circumstances will bear. Accordingly I declare upon Honour, that had such a Mistake happened either by the Printer's Neglect, or Librarii Incuriâ, it should have been acknowledged in ample Form as the Principal Erratum, viz.  
In the Title-Page, instead of Second Edition, lege 
Tityre, tu Patulae—  
— potitur que suâ puer Iphis lanthe.  For your farther Satisfaction in the present case, you are to consider that Second, Third, or Fourth Edition, etc. among us Authors and our Respective Publishers, are no more than so many Terms of Art, which every one has the Liberty of applying to what Meaning, or Idea he shall see convenient; provided he freely explain himself, and make known what that Meaning or Idea is, either by a just Definition, or sufficient Description. In Compliance with which Rule, I shall endeavour to Define, as concisely as may be, that Notion of a Second Edition which in my own Mind I have affixed to the said Term. A Second Edition than is.  
Qualitas quaedam Sensibilis, Occulta, Instrumentalis, Bipes, Subjecti sui per Hysteron-Proteron, quodammodo Perfectiva, quae Subjecto ejus Qualitatis capaci, ita super veniens, & inhaerens, ut sit veluti Praemissarum Altera, facit ut cui ejus rei, quae hujusmodi subjectum est, naturalis & antecedens inerat Appetentia, in eo generetur Duplum hujus Appetentiae versus idem Objectum, & cui nulla fuerat hujus objecti antecedens Appetentia in illo generetur aliqua, it a ut plerumque consequatur Rei cujusdam contentae ex continente desumptio, quo fiat ut Objectum illud praedictum in eandem rem aptam natam aliquid continere, demitti possit naturali lege motus praeter & propter Fugam vacui.  
This Definition being laid down, there will remain little Difficulty in the Sequel of our Argument; for tho' some Editions never disown themselves for the First, as if they were fond of Primogeniture; yet 'tis evident from the Terms Duplum and Appetentiae, that for a Book to make its first Appearance in the Shape of a Second Edition, is a method far more Auspicious. This will also save me, or my Publisher the Expense of a new Title-Page to the same Edition, which is commonly found a necessary Expedient for bringing these Affairs to a good Issue.  
I am not a going to deny that Messieurs Gronovius and Le Clerk were very importunate to Have this Be rather the Twentieth Edition than the Second, and so to have run down by the Nineteenth, etc. in a direct Line to the First: an Advice which notwithstanding all the Reasons they urged, I resolved to reject. I very well saw that it was a Proceeding so much out of the Way, and seemingly Extravagant, as would very ill become a Treatise of this nature; besides that, after the repeated Editions should have exceeded the Compass prescribed, and exhausted the Lower or Single Numbers, they must at last either have come to Nothing, or divided Unity itself into Innumerable Fractions to have reckoned by; as we see that though a Multitude of straight Lines, all from a single Point, may be produced in Infinitum, yet whenever such Lines are contracted into a Point, from any Indefinite Distances, if their Occasions Require them to go farther, they are obliged to separate again, and expatiate on the other side in Proportion to their former Contraction. And thus, I think, we have cleared the Controversy by a plain Demonstration.  
N. B. The Reader must not take it ill, if I once again put him in mind of his Old Engagements to Secrecy; for though this Doctrine touching Editions be imparted to him as a Friend, I would not have it go any further for twice the worth of my Copy-money. 

I, fuge, sed poter as tutior esse domi.  
— Monstror digito praetereuntium,  
— quod statuâ taciturniùs erro,  
Et risu populum quatio, risurus & ipse;  
Quem bis terque bonum cum risu forte stupebunt  
Lectorum chorus omnis, inexpletùm Lecturi.   

Humano capiti cervicem Pictor equinam  
jungere si velit, & varias inducere plumas,  
Spectatum admissi risum teneatis amici?      

Variantes quaedam Lectiones.  
The following Various Readins could not conveniently be disposed in their proper Pages, because the Margin would have been too much crowded, and also because we did not receive them till the Book was Printed off.  
P. 24. Instead of all of a sudden, the Alex. MS. reads all on a sudden Grut. all on the sudden. Gembls. and Bruil. and Pal. of the sudden. Gulielm. (brave ut videtur) soding. Vict. and Manutio placet All so done.  
P. 28. Stanza 1. Bodl. reads▪ 
And listen to this merry Song,  
A mere Round O of Lovers.   
St. 11. Id. Bodl. And fain would travail Bedward.  
St. 22. Bodl. and Pemb. 
But Nan grew wroth,  
And claiming both,  
Kissed Duke as much as Aaron.   
St. 24. Ascon. Paed. and Cujac. Where's my Nic led?  
Lamb. Where's my Nic led?  
Hot. and Steph. 
O Nicolas, Nicolas, where's my Niking!  
Quo ' Kate the tailor's Dafter;  
And kissed so mainly to her liking,  
She scarce could hold her Wafter.   
St. Camb. 
— so wistful  
Fired with his Charms and Graces;  
'Tis said that, if she were a Pistol,  
She would go off in Face his.   
Cujac. and Alex. and all the lost MSS. read Fly off in Phys his.  
St. 33. Codices Impressi fere omnes habent.  And tore her Coif to rags. 
Bemb. legit  And tore her Pinner off. 
Quod placuit etiam Hotomano, sed nobis videtur non admittendum.  
35. Alb.  
But kissed like old Queen Dido.  
Quod videtur durum & parum probabile.  
39 Multi MSS  In all Our Town. 
Page 75. Bodl. 
Jove was just then at Even and Odd, as is  
The Sport amongst Gods and their Fine Goddesses.   
79. Turneb. legit 
The Goddess-ship of her Virginity,  
Or Maidenhead of her Divinity.   
Idem in the Kentish Petition, P. 127. leg. 
When Venus I invoked with Tears,  
Venus was DUNNY to my Prayers.   
Idem, P. 113. For Vatum Graecorum, leg. Vatum Grajugenum.   

ERRATA.  
Not withstanding the great Care that has been used in Correction, the following Errata have escaped the Press; which you are therefore desired to rectify with your Pen.  
IN the Table of Contents, N. XXVII. r. as apparently tending. N. XXXII. instead of Haecceity, r. Humility. N. XXXVI. instead of the Emperors, r. Caesar of H— and Aug—s of S—. N. XXXVII. instead of Mr. Wotton, r. the very Learned Mr. Wootton.  
Page 1. instead of the Ground of a Satirical Fable, r. The Subject of an Epic Poem, or any thing else that you shall think better. For an Intelligible, r. an unintelligible manner. P. 2. System of Things— supply i. e. Ideas. I might say the Shadows— Add— as a Man's Face is the Shadow of its Representative in the Looking-Glass. P. 4. For whoso is Simple let him turn in hither, r. Whoso is VERY SIMPLE, etc. For we should lose even Sense itself, r. lose our Senses. To not feeling those we touch, add, nor understanding what we talk of. P. 8. To the Idea of a Thing is intelligibly that Thing, add, as the Idea of an Idea is Intelligibly that Idea; and so likewise vice versâ a Thing or Object is Sensibly its own Idea. P. 9 To so hard to understand, add, except what ought to be unintelligible for the sake of explaining something else. P. 19 For Learned Reader, league, Gentle Reader. P. 27. For my Brother Touchin, read, Tutchim. P. 33. St. r. 
Good sooth it would  
Have done one Good, etc.  P. 73. The Words What we have been discoursing of being Equivocal, and therefore very Fine, you are desired to Read them in Italic Letters, though not Printed so.  
P. 97. The Translation of Damnosae quid non, etc.  
is thus to be supplied, 
Our Grandsires they were Papists,  
Our Father's Oliverians;  
Their Bearns, 'tis said, are Atheists,  
Ours must be Cursed Queer one's!  P. 117. r. pushing him forward sometimes out of Ideal Eagerness, and sometimes treading upon his Intelligible Heels. P. 142. After Exert his whole Eloquence, add, Quote all the Fathers. P. 148. r. Insanos inter. P. 114. In the Margin, For If we had not an Innate Idea of a Circle, r. If the eternal Idea of a Circle were not presented to our Minds by and in God, so as to be inwardly seen by us, etc.  
I am obliged to retract the word Innate, or at least to Advertise my Reader that it is not to be strictly understood in this, and other Places where it recurs, having found since my writing those Passages, that Mr. Norris rejects it. Nevertheless the Absurdity of his Notions will easily fall in with that of Innate Ideas, and bear the Representation I have here made of the Ideal World.  
Valete & Plaudite.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
FINIS.