Democritus Ridens: OR, Comus and Momus. A new JEST and EARNEST Prattling concerning the Times. Com. HOW now Momus, what turned Porter? Mom. Any thing for a quiet life these times: Better carry Burdens among Protestant Dissenters, than grind at the Mill like Samson, with my eyes out among Philistian Papists. Com. Prithee what hast got there? Mom. A bundle of stolen Stuff. Com. Art thou turned Thief these Tory Times? have a care good Brother, of going the Jesuits high way to Heaven. Mom. What, to the Triple Tree? there to get a Crown for Villainy? and to be made a Martyr and a Saint for Treason? ne'er fear, this is but pettit Larceny and under the value of 12. d. Com. Whence did you Steal it? Mom. Out of the Warehouse of the Answerer of the Character of a Popish Successor. 'Tis a bundle of rash Nonsense, new watered and pressed by Nat. Thompson, and vended for good Sense and Reason: Fallere fallentem non est Fruus. Com. Nonsense, say you? I thought there had been no Haberdashers of such small Wares among the Papists: I thought the Dissenting Protestants had got a Patent for selling Nonsense only. Mom. You see Sir you are decieved; for I assure you that this Mr. Answerers Warehouse was full of it, and I only took a small Fardel or two that came next hand. Com. What do you intent to do with it? Mom. Fraught Heaclitus his Ship with it; he'll send it to Rome to be new died, and then put it off for most excellent Papistical Sense and Reason. Com. Prithee let's see some of it. Mom. That you shall, and hear it too if you please, for it rattles like gummed Taffeta; look here; first by the way of Nonsense. That the People of England may sit down with their Hands in their Pockets, for that 'tis impossible either the Pope, the Devil, or any Successor, should bring in Popery. p. 2. Com. O Sir, there is a woof of sense in this stuff, the meaning is, because 'tis in a manner brought in already. Mom. That's a Jest Sir— see another piece, hold it to the light, and see if there be e'er a thread of Sense or Reason in it. Item. The more Power a Popish Successor has, the less able he is to accomplish his Will. 3. Here is: A Popish Successor can never attempt to bring in Popery, though he has an Army, because he will be in fear of the People. 4. The personal excellencies of a Popish Successor, aught to be an Argument for his legal admission. 5. That it is so far from Sense, for any one to believe or think that a Popish King in England, can be any advantage or do any kindness to the designs of Jesuitical Instruments for bringing in of Popery, that it is the greatest Reason in the World, to believe that he must of necessity be the greatest occasion of their Destruction. 6. That to keep out a Popish Successor is no less than Lesae Majestatis, and down right Treason, yet it is in the power of every Subject in the three Kingdoms, to be a Defender of the Protestant Religion, if it want it. 7. That all Protestants may be assured a Popish Successor will infallibly be the Cause of the Destruction of the Jesuits, by this Maxim, Suis & ipsa Roma viribus ruit. p. 5. 8. That a Popish Successor can never bring in the Popish Religion, because his Coronation Oath obliges him to the contrary. 9 He that Writes against a Popish Successor, is ipso facto, either a disguised Priest, or a Papist in Masquerade. p. 7. 10. Because the late Popish Plot did not take effect, therefore no other in this Age can be effected. p. 8. 11. That a Popish Successor is the best defence in the World against Arbitrary Government, for if he would, he could not set it up, because of the watchful suspicion of the Protestants. p. 8. 12. That 'tis not in the Power of Sheriffs, Justices of the Peace, Judges, and other Officers, be they never so Corrupt, or be they of what Religion they will, to bring in Popery under a Popish Successor, because hopes of preferment or fear of punishment will deter them. p. 8. 13. A Popish Successor can never bring in Popery, because the Tide runs against it, and therefore it will be Folly and Madness for him to attempt it. p. 9 14. That because Queen Mary could not bring in Popery, therefore no other Popish Successor can bring in Popery. p. 9 Com. I must interrupt you; I thought Q. Mary had set up Popery. Mom. The meaning of the Answerer is, as I suppose, she did not set it fast enough: She should have Burnt all the Protestants, and according to St. Coleman's Principles, not left any alive: But hear how good a Navigator he is. 15. That Beasts running on the contrary side of the Ship, when she leans to the Lee, or by the Larboard, sinks the Ship: p. 10. Here are other Fardels, which I stole from several of Heraclitus his Merchants of Popish small Wares. As, 1. That to make the People of England of one mind, is to bring in Popery, and the way to make all Dissenters conform to the Church of England, is to make them first Conform to the Church of Rome. That they being Jews, may first be Christians before they be Musslemen. 2. That the most prudent way, not to fear any Invasion from the King of France, is not to believe it. 3. That the true way of securing the Church of England against the Pesbyterians, is to join with the Papists to bring in Popery. 4. That the best way to help the King to Money, is to advise him to Prorogue his Parliaments. 5. That the best way of searching into the late horrid Plot is to Jeer the People out of the belief of it. 6. That to be a true Church of England man, is to rail against all but the Papists. 7. That 'tis the best way to maintain Reputation abroad, by going together by the Ears at home. 8. That to give Honour and Reputation to the Supreme Council of the Nation, is to laugh at their Votes, and to term them factious. Jest. So much for your Nonsense, good Mr. Momus; prithee, what Bag is that? is it stolen Wares too? Mom. No, they are a few Nuts for Heraclitus to crack. Jest. Out away, they are Queries. Mom. Yes, Query Nuts, such as Heraclitus his Squirrels, Jest and Earnest, are weekly cracking in the ears of the People. Jest. Let's have an handful of them; I'll play at Cob-Query with them. Mom. Whether Heraclitus his Fool's Coat be long enough to hid his Knaves Jump? 2. Whether the Answerer of the Character of the Popish Successor was not mistaken, pag. 12. where he says, that Dagons' Hands being broken off, he could have no Power to hurt the Israelites; When he should have said, according to the Scripture, that his Head being off as well as his Hands, he could not then hurt the Israelites? 3. Whether Dagon could not have found hands to have hurt the Israelites, if his Head had been still remaining? 4. Whether all Laws to tie the hands of a Popish Successor, will not prove like Sampson's Cords, if ever he get into the Throne? 5. Whether the best way to establish the Church of England, (according to the Maxims of the Answerer of the Character of a Popish Successor) be not to set up a Popish Successor? 6. Whether the maintaining and preserving of Property, was not the first and main end of Government? 7. Whether the Grievances of the People do not sound louder than the Checkling Laughter of Mr. Jest, or the Tooting horn of Mr. Tantivie? 8. Whether according to the Opinion of Heraclitus, it be not a certain mark of a Rebel and a Traitor of 41. to Complain of Grievances in 81. or ever hereafter. 9 Whether Heraclitus does not mistake himself, who Numb. 2. says, that those who Murdered the late King, never repent them of it (meaning the Presbyterians) and yet Numb. 8. he owns Mr. Love was Beheaded, for endeavouring with the Presbyterians the bringing in of his Majesty? and whether the endeavouring to restore his Majesty to his right, showed not that they were the true Friends of the Son; and a sign of their not approving the Murder of the Father? 10. Whether a man may be properly said to Repent of doing that he never did Commit, nor ever did approve of? 11. Whether the evil Actions of a few Rebels, aught in Justice to be imputed to the whole Body of the Presbyterians? and whether a third part of the Nation should therefore be branded by Heraclitus' Jest and Touzers Earnest, with the odious Names of 41. Top and Top-Gallant Villains and Rebels? 12. Whether his Majesty has not had twenty years' experience of the Loyalty and peaceable temper of the Dissenters from the Church of England? and whether Heraclitus and others do not endeavour all they can to render them otherwise? 13. Whether a Worm that is trod on, by the Law of Nature, may not signify by struggling its Oppression, without being call d Rebel and Traitor? 14. Whether a Waterman, who looks one way and rows another, be not a true Emblem of a right Tantivy, who preaches one thing and Acts quite contrary? 15. Whether B. Took be Flesh, Fish, or good red Herring? Com. These will serve me to play at Push-quaery with Hiraclitus: But look you, to requite your Kindness, here is a Copy of Verses for you; and as Mr. Jest says, they have made me go all of one side with the weight of 'um. Mom. I have known the Rogue go so this eight weeks, he is made as crooked as a Lesbian Squire; and has a bunch of Iniquity at his Back, as big as a Camels. What are they? I love the Muses mightily— This is Mournful Melpomene. Com. No Sir: 'Tis an Ode: Heraclitus' last Pindaric transversed. Here read it yourself, for I am at this time in haste. Mom. Reads. The Prospect, a Pindaroque Ode. Ah stubborn Isle, So late from Popish Plottings freed, (Old Antichrist's most precious Meed) Canst thou the havoc, and the Spoil Rome did intent, so soon forget, So lately scaped out of their Net, Who would have brought a fiery Law, And fried your Flesh and Bones with Straw? Those cunning Cheats, and State Magicians, Rome's Religious Politicians, Who subtly can blind your sight, And make you call bright Day, black Night, With their black Serpent Wand of Superstition. O had they power to their will, They'd show their skill; In vain should the amazed Throng Seek to avoid their Power, Or fly before that they were stung; These Serpents we should see e'er long, Moses and Aaron, King and Church devour. Then every River, and every Flood, Would soon be turned to Blood, The croaking Frogs of horrid Fears Should sound our Dangers in our ears; Then swarms of Lice, and gilded Flies, With superstitious Sorceries; Monks, Friars, Priests, and Nuns, would then come in, And turn Religion into sin: A grievous Murrain than would follow next, And through the Nation fly, Both great and small should die, With Boils and Blains the State perplexed Should be, with Lordly Prelates vexed; Who would Rub the Kingdoms Soar, Till all its Body Politic were hid in gore. A dreadful Train Of Curses, should upon us rain With many a Charm and cursed Spell, Sending Dissenters straight to Hell; And true Religion would be slain, And Albion look like Sodom's burning Plain. This would be done, If Rome should mount the English Throne, And with her Arts prevail, We should devoured be by Head and Tail; Whole swarms of Locusts would bear sway, Whose Clouds would darken all the Light of Day, The People's poor remains they'd eat away. But oh! the plague of plagues, these Traitors first, In Treason Nursed, These damned destroying Devils, first must wound, Our Royal Head, and lay it on the ground: Not long since this they did attempt to do, And still the same with bloody Minds pursue. Look back ye treacherous Jesuits, say, Remember Forty eight, and Forty one, Look back, whilst Rome ascends the Throne, And seizing on the Crowned Prey, The Royal Victim, and another Martyr slay. Advertisements. IF any one be desirous to be furnished with a pair of Tantivy Spectacles, fitted for Popish Noses and Eyes, for all Ages and Sexes, which render Old things New, small things Great, Men Monsters, Loyalty Rebellion, the People Monkeys, Truth Error, and Religion a May-Game, let them repair to Mr. Jest and Earnest, Spectacle-makers, and they may be fitted very cheap. IF any one has a desire to be furnished with Invented Letters, lying Stories, false Addresses, or Rhetorical Libels, let them repair to Secretary Thompson at the Pope's Cross-Keyes, who makes profession of writing Precedents, and he will give them ample satisfaction. London, Printed for Fra. Smith Jun. at the Elaphant and Castle in Cornhill. 1681.