THE FELLOW-TRAVELLER Through City and Country.  Urbanitas est virtus quaedam in breve dictum coacta, & apta ad delectandos movendósque homines in omnem affectum, prout quaeque res ac persona desiderat. Domitius Marsus apud Quintil. Instit. 6. 4. 
Printed in the Year, 1658.   


The Persons and Matters we meet with in the first Journey through City and Country.  
Merchant's and Usurers, Debtors and Almoners, Proverbial Counsels of Gaining and Thriving. Things forgot or stolen recovered. The City and Country parelleled. Hospitality and Feasting. Great and mean Entertainments. Swaggerers and Wasters. Tradesmen and Countrymen. Fools and Beggars. Thiefs and Cutpurse. Privileges of Beggars. Those that from Poor become Noble. Men of Fortune and e●er poor.   

In the Second Journey among Students.  
LAw Cases. Corrupt Lawyers. Ignorant Physicians. Charms. Astrologers. Diviners. Alchemists. Vain Orators. Light Poets. Begging Philosophers. Several Problems and Questions of common things resolved by Scholars; and by Democritus, how and why Apothegms and Proverbs (the chosen Speeches for his Book) have the Art and Efficacy to move and delight men more than other set Speeches and Discourses.   

In the third Journey.  
AT Home. Parents and Children. Masters and Servants. Husbands and Wives. Common Lovers and Suitors, with Proverbs concerning a Family.  
Abroad. Men in their irregular Modes of Conversation. Boasting of their Excellencies, or affecting singularities; Railing or Quarrelling, Fight or Duelling; Censuring, Praising, or Flattering: Fooling or Meddling; Begging or Challenging; Promising, Swearing, or Lying; Talking idly or tediously. Young and Old. Men disfigured in Apparel, Body or Mind.  
— Sunt haec nostri farrago Libelli.    

THE STATIONER TO THE READER.  
THe Author had prepared his Fellow-Traveller to wait upon you in this Summer's Recreations; but some of the chief Workmen in the Press being sick, he could not set forth till now; yet any time he will be seasonable, being filled for Summer-days and Winter-nights, This advantage you have by the stay, that the Work comes forth most correct from the Press, and more complete in divers parts from the Author. And if it be lawful for us (who do kn●w indifferently well the palates of men for Books) to interpose our judgements, we are much deceived if this do not generally please, having so much of what pleaseth most men, merry stories, and witty speeches: In which, within those stages the Author hath limited his travels, you will find more satisfaction than you expected, both in the variety, choice, and Rarity, and in the Order also of the conceits and collections to their proper places and Persons; wherein he hath exceeded any of this kind we meet with in our language; So that it is below the commendation of the work to say it is worth your money. And though the Book aims at your Recreations, yet there are many Jocoseria sprinkled here and there, which will please more severe judgements, so that the Book will prove to you omnium horarum libellus.  
But I leave you to hear Democritus himself, who doth speak sufficiently both to the merry and to the serious Reader.   

DeMoCrItVs hILarIs eIVs MoDI LeCtorI.  
Democritus to the Reader who loves wit and mirth.  
WHo this Democritus is, no more concerns the Reader to know, then wherefore he set forth this work. Perhaps the concealing his Name, will make you guess what you think he would be ashamed to tell you, that this was set out by some poor Scholar to patch some poor living. And this concerns not the Reader to know, unless he have a mind to be generous, and to give more to the Author than he need give for the Book. You may well think that if the Author made this honest shift for his own profit, to gain that he must write what may be to the pleasure and satisfaction of the Reader.  
And Democritus knows not how to fit you better for your Times of pleasure, your Journeys or Recreations, then with a Companion; nor to qualify his companion fitter than with wit and mirth; nor to furnish you with more matter of wit and mirth then by such short Stories and choice speeches.  
These come in when men desire to be pleased, and when pleasure is seasonable. In a journey a Fellow-Traveller will crop the way and make short miles. I have heard of one story that hath reached from Oxford to Exeter; though the story was long, yet it made the way the shorter; and hence how far three hundred stories well managed may reach, you may gather. A merry companion on your way (to fill up the Title) pro Vehiculo est: He is in stead of a Coach if you want one, and he is as good as your Coach if you have one. And then reckon, what a gain hath Father Sparges (who will not be at charges of a Scholar or merry Companion) in buying of this Book.  
But to entertain so many guests as Democritus hath invited, he considered he must be at more cost than his Dinner; He must have a Feast, that in the variety there may be a dish to please every palate, and grand-Dishes and grand-Sallets to please the most. And here if you sort yourselves to your own Tables with your own company, He is much mistaken if the cheer do not like you. He knows wit and mirth must please. No man dislikes wit but he that wants it, and none will confess that. In a jest they that understand not where the wit lies yet laugh for company, or will give their hum or grave nod unto it. And for mirth, he must be a man of a strange temper, as unwelcome to himself as to others, whom pleasantness doth displease. There will need no proof▪ whether Honey be sweet, it will be enough to taste it.  
And care is taken that the wit and mirth be so innocent and inoffensive as not to displease the best guests. Some there are of corrupted stomaches, who do most relish broad and obscene Jests, thinking that savoury which is rotten; but here all froth is scummed off, and all things that smell are cast aside and left in their own sinks, not to be brought in before you: Others love bitter sauced and saucy Jeers; but the Sauces here, though somewhere sharp and tart, yet are not harsh and sour, grateful not grating to leave an heartburning (as they call it) behind them. Others there are who find a sweetness in rank and rammish, rude and rustic Jests; Such Herculean stomaches which can digest Bull-Beefe are not for these Tables, which are spread for men of a more cleanly diet. And others are of such high and curious Palates, that all their wit and sport is with pride and scorn. But here is no mocking of Nations or Professions; here is no scoffing at persons who are to be pitied, no abusing of him who is already abused by a base woman; no laughing at him whom Nature hath bowed and humbled, or at any such men whom thou mayst be like without any fault of thine. There will be Wit and Mirth enough though these be pared of, and though there be no more than what the Title promiseth, Clean and Innocent. Democritus could not obtain of himself to write you any other; and his Guests will at last be better pleased when there is set before them nothing but what is wholesome as well as toothsome.  
This care being taken, Democritus needs not be ashamed of his Name or a Dedication; and he thanks God and man he wants not some Persons of quality to whom he might present this. He now commends his Fellow-Traveller where he will be sure to be welcome, to all those good houses where himself hath had free and kind entertainment in his Pilgrimages: for he speaks it in a thankful acknowledgement of those Right hands of God's Providence, that he hath had the good hap not common to Travellers; he hath found multa Hospitia, & multas Amicitias: And more especially these three parts are due to three Noble Hosts and Landlords, where he hath sit a Tenant Rent-free, and whose Houses have been his Home and Residence, with a great deal of love and respect, which God will reward. And among these there is one Honoured Friend who may lay claim to a part, and a Name in this Book as well as Democritus; because from his hands was received a rare Author, out of whom others have borrowed a few, but you have many of the best of our modern Motti's.  
Some may be fit to know more of Democritus his mind in another place, but this is as much as he thought fit to tell all England concerning himself or his Subject. And now much good may it do you, fall to heartily and be merry. But let Democritus bargain with you as well as with his Stationer, or if you please beg of you to grant a few easy Requests.  
1. Those who can discover Democritus through his disguise, or have the wit to know the way to him by the Title-Page, they are to send to Democritus, (if they please, and if they can) the notice of some Book of this kind which they think he hath not seen; or at least two or three stories in stead of that; and let them not be vulgar; for his palate is grown so dainty by tasting so much Sweat-meats, that no mean ones will serve his turn.  
2. After the perusal of these at home, let not every Reader venture to make use of them presently abroad, unfitly or unseasonably; for a Tale may be spoiled in the telling; To which purpose Democritus hath taken the best order he can think of, by suiting these to their proper places, and to the proper Persons in those places. And now and then there are added some glosses (as they came uncalled) to prevent misusing and mistaking.  
3. Not to make these so cheap, as to press the courtesy of relating them upon those that are unwilling or unworthy to hear them; not to tell above half a dozen at once, unless upon a vie and contestation; wherein Democritus warrants you to cope with the best Comes facundus you meet with, for number or choice.  
4. Because Democritus perceives the Reader to long to be at the Book, he now begs but this one thing more of him, that he do not, as raw Apprentices at the Raisin-Tub, cloy and glut himself at the first, and so by surfeiting, dead and dull his stomach for hereafter; but to rise with an Appetite, to bestow a First, a Second, and a Third Reading; and though he will have much ado to refrain himself, yet not to read above a third part the same day.  
It is known it is in the Readers power to grant what he please, but Democritus begs, and more of this kind he will beg before you have read all over; for to tell you all, the Work comes from a Modern Beggar (a Beggar of the Times) or because Modernus is no Authentic Word, for it is from N. Mendicus Hodiernus.   

TO THE More Serious AND Intelligent READER.  
DEmocritus in collecting, composing, translating, and transcribing of these matters of Wit and Mirth, was not all the while in Jest. But he had this serious thought, that this Work of Recreation might be worth his own pains and your perusal. And therefore in the first place that it ought to be innocent and inoffensive, and next so to fit it for Recreation, as that it should not be unfit but useful for the business of life.  
For the Innocence of it, all Obscenity, Bitterness, and Scorn are rejected, as not the Wit but the Scum and Froth of Discourses. Here are no Sports which savour of the old Scurra and Parasite, or of the late Morio and Buffoni; who were Doctors of the Chair in this Business, but it was the Chair of Scorners. As there are few of the light Fool, so there are none of the bold and proud Fool, that in Libels and Pamphlets throws about him Stones and Firebrands, and saith, Am I not in sport? Here is no meddling with matters not to be dallied with, and which will not admit jesting: And therefore the Church, the Court, and the Camp are purposely omitted, as places either not fit or not safe to be merry in. If there be in the other Places any scorn put upon great but gross vices, obstinate but weak Opinions, accustomed but vain Fashions and Affectations; He hath for this the warrant of a Grave Author, that gives it in form of a Precept. In hoc flectendi sumus, ut omnia vulgi vitia non invisa modo sed & ridicula habeantur. And a graver than he adds a Reason, Quaedam jocosè dignare vinci, ne gravitate adorentur. Whoso puts himself in a Fool's Coat, may blame himself if he be laughed at; neither hath he cause to blame the Shoemaker, who finds in his Shop shoes of all Sizes, and such as will fit him. These are not the less innocent, but have the more goodness, if they spare not the guilty. There is some notorious wit, which Democritus was scrupulous to bring in, as of Robbers and Cheaters, etc. lest the wit might tempt to the imitation of the wickedness, for in that one only story which we have of Cheaters, it is probable that those two packs of Cheaters had their knavery, as well as both those Lawyers their cunning from Demosthenes out of Plutarch.  
The Innocence of these then being secured, they will have Goodness enough for Recreations; and they will be the better for their wit, as the pleasures of the mind are more noble than those of the senses. In Travels, or after the toil of serious Employments, Merriments are allowed by all men. Haec hora est, Great pains do look for some seasoning, Incommodum est hilaritate condiendum; and we see plain Countrymen do ease and sweeten their Drudgeries by a Song. Whensoever Recreations are seasonable, these will come in; as in indispositions of body or sickliness, when serious Books are forbid, these will be prescribed▪ In our Forefathers days, D. Merryman, D. Diet, and D. Quiet were the three best Physicians, and Doctor Merryman the First and Precedent, and still that holds true, that a merry Heart doth good like a medicine. Freedom of mind from cares and anxiety, at Meat, Sleep, and Recreations is a common prescription, but confessedly the best in the Regiment of health. In other accidents of Life, where we grieve because grieving will not help (as the Old Philosopher said he did) we have need of such Exorcisms of Melancholy. In all Pressures, Mirth makes our harms harmless, and blunts the edge of that which cuts. Those from Power we digest more resolutely, because of the satisfaction and courage from diviner considerations: But still in them, and in Oppressions from Neighbourhood, where we expect better, which pinch hard, and make even a wise man mad (for Laesa saepius patientia fit Furor) such diversions are useful to still and charm with their Music those fretting and mutinous thoughts, which disturb the serenity of our best employments. In all occasions, wherein it is not good to be too serious, Democritus thinks these to be serious enough.  
But to be in good earnest, for our constant course of life, Voluptates commendat rarior usus, the moderate use of any Pleasures makes them the safer and sweeter to us. Pleasures, like smells are the best in a waft. They are to be used 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, not 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. To make Recreation our Business is to make a Meal of Sweetmeats. Those who have abundance of Idleness, may feed upon a Romance, an idle man's work for an idle woman's study; but as the feeding on Sweetmeats indisposeth the stomach for more solid food, and makes but weak and thin bodies, so the feeding of men's minds with such Playbooks and airy Fancies (if there be no other iniquity in them) is apt to make men unapt for the duties of life, and the real and sober apprehensions of Truth and Goodness. But these were collected and are directed not for Study but Recreation; as Laborum Condimenta, and Solatia Itineris. Besides these were drawn from Practice and know the way thither. There are Lusus Serii: the very Cats antic Gestures, while she is young, are not idle; but preparatory to enable her to prey in any Postures. And these contain more than for the Refreshment, much for the Business of our Travels; not only jucunda but idonea vitae; things upright as well as acceptable; and which may improve our Recreation-times to some good advantage; either by using them as Seeds and Hints of Meditation, or for Flowers and Ornaments of Discourse, or for Fruits in the application of them to the like occurrent cases.  
And it is not for nothing, that Apothegms and Proverbs, the two main things which complete this piece (some few stories excepted, which contain the witty Deed, as the other the witty word or speech) it is not for nothing that they have had the general approbation of men and Times for Wit and Mirth; because these are so pleasant as to please all men. And therefore an Apophthegm outlives his Author and is derived through Ages. Many Philosophers who have their Writings lost, and many great Persons who have their Deeds buried without history or memory, have yet such sayings of theirs preserved till this day. For Proverbs (of which more is to be spoken hereafter) are the greatest part of vulgar, and the Remains of ancient Philosophy; and Apothegms are the greatest part of public and popular Rhetoric; and as Quintilian (in a mistake and unawares) confesseth, they differ nothing from the perfectest Eloquence but in their Brevity; and that commends them to have their vigour compacted, to be pithy speeches (as we call them) full of pith and marrow: for if there be price in Jewels, there is as much worth in a Cabinet as in a Storehouse or Cellar; more life there is in these, and more efficacy. to move men then in a long Speech made for state and Ostentation, which often dies in its birth. These make a stronger Impression in men's minds; and are more quickly received because of their acuteness; as a sharp-pointed Instrument enters easier and goes farther than a flat dull and broad one; and these obtain a firmer Retention; as Nails not only enter easier but stick faster. These walk upon men's tongues, dance in their fancies, are carried about in their Memories, and are reserved for graces of their Discourses, when they desire to appear in their Festival habits and holiday-behaviour.  
These are Democritus his Atoms; and a world of benefit is built upon such little things. And in magnifying these Democritus doth not hyperbolise but speak measured Truth; and but for swelling the Epistle, he could enlarge in favour of his Subject. A Subject thought not below a Caesar to take in hand; and which one of the best Greek Authors thought a Present fit for one of the best Roman Emperors. This Language was famous among the Lacedæmonians while they were in power, and with the Romans when they were in their glory: And with them the habit of this Language got the name and credit of Urbanitas. Civil language we may call it right, for it reigns in flourishing Cities; or Gentile language for it is to be had from Gentlemen and those of the best breeding; but the Latin Urbanitas aims higher, it is courtesy or Court language, for it was the Language of the City of Rome, when it was Empress of the world. A kind of language which takes in as many as the matter permits of the virtues of good language: it is plain and clear, without affectation; sincere and hearty without dissimulation; it is bold and free, and yet respective and modest; Grave and serious, and yet cheerful and courteous; Witty but yet Cleanly; Brief, and short but quick and full. And of this sort of Language this small Book hath store of Examples, which are ever more kindly evident and effectual than Rules and Precepts.  
And now you will say Democritus hath been in earnest, and hath set a sufficient price upon his Book. The Matter in the whole being good, if he have not failed in the choice of materials, and the handling. And for this Democritus knows an intelligent Reader will not be flattered by an Epistle into a good conceit of a Work; and therefore he leaves him (as he must do) to judge of Democritus his judgement whether this be▪ a collection or election; whether these be drawn ex faece vulgi, and in the common road, or from men of better extraction and conversation, and have more of elegancy and sublimity; This is plain, that many strangers are naturalised and made to speak English, especially of that Country which hath a felicity and facility in these speeches. And it is hoped these foreign Grafts may thrive in our Grounds, because transplanted from that Nation, which (as an ingenious Traveller and Writer observes) doth most symbolise with ours in their Genius and dispositions. Democritus hath done; and whatsoever is amiss (if he may know it) shall be undone by a Retraction. If any thing be offensive honest is auribus or bonis moribus (which he knows not of) indictum esto. And now, you to your pleasure, and I to my Plough.   
THE FELLOW-TRAVELLER Through the CITY & COUNTRY.  

I.  
ONe Bernardinus of Sienna, who for his merits was after canonised and sainted, was a great Preacher in Milan, where he preached with a great throng and concourse of people, reprehending usually the corrupt customs of those times: This a Merchant of Milan observing, came often to visit him, and earnestly pressed him, that without respect of persons He would preach against that abominable sin of Usury, which was of late grown so common in that City. In the mean time Bernardinus. searching into the condition and life of the man, finds that he was the greatest Usurer in all Milan, and that he did this to affright others from that vice, and to engross all the dealings by Usury to himself alone▪   

II.  
A rich Merchant of Venice, who had great trading in Naples, seeing one jaspar of Ravenna to come to Church every morning betimes, and showing their great devotion, either praying or reading his Rosary and David's Psalter, he fell in love with the man so far, as that he entrusted in his hands a good sum of money to traffic with, and to share with him in the adventure. The time coming that Jaspar was to give up his accounts of the money and the advantage; He not only denied that ever he received any money from him, but said also that he never knew the Merchant. The Merchant being after blamed by some of his brethren for trusting a stranger without witness or assurance, said to them, It was not jaspar of Ravenna, but his Prayer▪ books and Psalter, which have cheated me. Pii ad mercedem sumus ad mercedem impii, & magis impii quo magis pii.   

III.  
There being discourse of a Merchant of great credit, yet a sordid Miser and covetous: One John de Medici's burst into these words, See the great mercy of God, That all men should trust him that doth not put his trust in God: He trusts not God, who doth not trust him without a pawn, until he have before him as much as he can desire.   

IV.  
There is a Tale of an old Usurer, that had nothing in his mouth, but It is good to be sure; If his Servant went to receive Money, he would follow him, why? 'tis good to be sure; Though he had locked the door, he would rise out of his bed to feel it fast, for It is good to be sure, If he had told his money never so often over, yet he will tell it again, O'tis good to be sure. This man falls dangerously sick, and his servant perceiving little hope of life asked him, Master, have you said your Prayers, yes sure, said he, I think so, Nay but say them again Master, for it is good to be sure: He bids the Servant open the Chest, and bring him all his gold in it, The Servant having opened it, cries out, Master, the Devil is in the Chest, he lays his paw upon all the gold, and says, It is all his, because it was extracted out of the lifeblood of Widows, Orphans, and poor Wretches; Says he so, saith the Extortioner, Then bring me the gold, the Chest, the Devil, and all, It is good to be sure: And hence it may be it is, that usually wlcked men are said to get the Devil and all. But let this pass for a Tale, in earnest It is good to be sure. And in Goods gotten by Sacrilege, Oppression, Robbery, or blood, did none of your Learned Counsel advise you of a flaw in your Leases of Conveyance to assure yourselves, That you were to have and to hold, this and that, with all the appurtenances, and know you not that Gods Curse upon them and you is a certain Appurtenance to all ill-gotten Goods? Consider this all ye that forget God, It is good to be sure.   

V.  
Castrutius Governor of Luca, who is reported to be tyrannical, being condemned by one of his Familiars for banishing and confiscating the goods of one Luparus a rich man, who by all men had the repute of a wise good and faithful Citizen, thus answered his Friend with a smile, It is not Luparus his goodness or wisdom, but his covetousness vetousnesse is punished by me; He cannot be good that is covetous; As long as I knew not his vices, I respected him as my dearest friend, but as soon as Luparus showed me he loved his money more than me, it behoved me also to esteem Luparus his money more than Luparus.   

VI  
I have heard the like to what follows related of a Merchant, which it may be was but borrowed from that which is storied of Sigismond the Emperor, who having received a great mass of gold out of Hungary, commanded it, because the day was spent, to be carried into his bedchamber: where he passed a great part of the night without sleep, at last he gave command to call up divers of his Counsel and special Friends, who, wondering what was the business at that unreasonable time, were brought into his chamber, and there the Emperor showing them the gold, Do you see. saith he, that Hangman that would not suffer me to take any sleep all this night, do you carry it all away and divide it among yourselves, which when they readily did, Now, saith he, you may depart, and I hope I shall take my rest much the better. Anacreon also, when a Talon of gold was given him by Polycrates, did distribute it among others, saying, I hate the gift which keeps a man waking.   

VII.  
Charles Duke of Burgundy being slain in battle by the Swissers at Kant Anno 1476. had a Jewel of very great value, which being found about him was sold by a Soldier to a Priest for a Crown in money, the Priest sold it for two Crowns, afterwards it was sold for seven hundred Florins, then for twelve thousand Ducats, and set into the Pope's Triple Crown, where it is to be seen at this day, And there it is as much worth as it was sold for at first. And Lewis the eleventh of France gave no real value to these toys, when he wore in his hat instead of a Jewel a piece of guilded Lead.   

VIII.  
There is a Story out of Strabo of a company of people that met at the Market place, where was one that played excellently upon the Harp, so that all crowded to hear him, as being ravished with the Music; but no sooner did the Market-bell ring, but they were all gone, only one stayed behind that was thick of hearing, to whom the Harper said, He was much beholding to him for honouring his music when others were gone at the ringing of the Market-bell. What the Market-bell, hath that rung? said the deafish man, Nay then farewell, I must be gone too. Pleasure must yield to Profit, and the best Music to the Market-bell.   

IX.  
A public Notary to the City of Florence, being desired by one that he would speak to some of the chief Citizens in favour of a Petition which he had to them; Go, saith he, and speak for yourself, and if you shall find any one that shall deny you, I will help you; And yet perhaps the man found a fallacy, A bene divisis ad male conjunctos; It is true every where, Pollicitis dives, etc. but it is got among the Proverbs, To promise like a Merchant, and pay like a man of War.   

X.  
If this offend any Merchant, I may gratify him as much in showing him an Art to remember any debt he hath forgotten, It is this; One of a weak memory had lent a Friend a Crown, and was much ttoubled that he had quite forgotten, and could not recall the Man or his Name; At last being so bold as to tell it to his Wife, he was advised by her to walk about; and whosoever met him, and withal bid him Good day or thanked him, he should presently answer, But I had rather have my Money: The man takes a woman's Counsel, many meet him, and not understanding the mystery of these words let him pass; At last his Debtor meets him, and being offended with this Speech, tells him, you might have asked for your own in some more handsome and civil way, but here it is, I have it ready for you. Whatsoever you recover this way, I cry halves.   

XI.  
I shall also discover to others a way to be wished happy by Merchants while you live, and to be most miss of them when you die, and this it is in short, to run much in their debts.   

XII.  
One who flattering himself that he lived like a Lord, did eat, and drink, and run in every man's debt, was desired by one (Macrobius relates it of Augustus) that he would only bestow upon him the Pillow he slept on, since he could sleep so quietly that owed so many debts: I, saith the other, sleep wall upon any pillow, for I leave the cares to you, who will take all the care you can how to be paid: The like is reported of a Noble man in Rome, who being in debt to a Merchant, kept close a while, but weary of that came abroad, whom the Merchant met once or▪ twice, but spared to speak to him, at last he puts him in mind of his debt, and the time long passed, and expostulates with him, why he did not think of him, and remember him. Indeed, saith the Nobleman, I have remembered you, and thought again and again how to satisfy you, but finding it to no purpose, I have resolved to leave all the care and thought of this business to yourself. It may be, if it were enquired into, one of these was the Author of that Proveab, An hundred load of thoughts will not pay one of debt.   

XIII.  
A man much in debt had taken Sanctuary in a Monastery, where a Friend of his used to come and visit him, and finding him full of thoughts he asked him, though he knew his case, why he was so sad; You know, I think, said he, how many thousands I am in debt, neither will my Creditors yield to any composition, and the trouble of this hath so dejected me, that I think I should never have enjoyed myself, but that I happily met with a Book of Patience, which raised up my spirits, or else this sadness I think had killed me: why then, saith his friend, have you hopes of satisfying your Creditors? No, said the other; Nay then, saith his Friend, in my oyinion, They should have this Book of Patience to read, who, whether they will or no, are forced to want what is owing them.   

XIV.  
Report being made among a Company of Merchants of one greatly in debt that was dead: In good faith then, saith one of them, he hath carried 500 ducats of mine into the other world; And, saith another, 200 of mine; And other of his Creditors there spoke of other sums; Whereupon one that was amongst them said; Well I see now, that though a man cannot carry any of his own with him into the other world, yet he may carry other men's. It is to be feared that the accounts he may.   

XV.  
A great Lady in Barbary, being a Widow, called to her an English Merchant trading in those parts, with whom she knew her Husband had some commerce, and asked him if there were nothing owing to him from her deceased Husband. He after much importunity and many modest refusals, as having been greatly benefited by the dead Barbarian, acknowledged something, and showed her the particulars; She tendered him satisfaction, and forced him to take the uttermost penny, saying thus, I I would not have my Husband's soul to seek your soul in hell to pay his debts. Non dimittitur peccatum, visi restituatur ablatum, in Latimesrs old English, either Restitution or Hell.   

XVI.  
There were some that came to King Alphonsus, who with great earnest requested him in the behalf of a Gentleman, who being a man of pleasure, did (as it seems) owe all but his soul to other men, for his Body was punished in prison; they desiring that a Gentleman should not suffer in his Person; The King flatly denied it, and told them, that such men as had wasted so much Means and Goods (which are indeed means to do good) neither in the Service of King or Country, nor for the benefit of their Parents or Friends, but altogether for the pleasure of their own bodies, should in all reason suffer punishment in their bodies, Qui non habet in aere, luat in corpore, saith the Law.   

XVII.  
A Florentine Merchant, in stead of the sign of distinction of his house and shop, caused to be painted a fire, and therein some books a burning; to the intent that if any came to buy of him without money, he might answer them, that there was no booking; for as they might see by the picture, his Books were burnt, and nothing could be had without ready money. Others of this Merchant's resolution in Italy have written on their Shop-doors this Item in great Letters, Hoggi non si dà a creta, dimansi. Cras credo, hodie nihil. This day there is no▪ trusting, but tomorrow there is. Cras credo, haud hodie sic nego quotidie. I leave to the Merchant to judge whether trusting or not trusting be more advantageous; but the practice of that Merchant was pious, who had no Book for men of Estates, but for poor men he had, to lend them money or wares upon their own day; which if they paid they might borrow again.   

XVIII.  
A rich man, I do not say a Merchant, was journeying to the waters for his health, having taken with him a companion for his recreation, A poor man begging on the way, with much ado he drops him a penny, his companion grudgeth at it, and why (saith he) spend you the money we may have need of? O, saith the man, that he may pray for me, I shall come the sooner to Heaven for this; Nay then, said his companion why did not you give more? Do you think Heaven is to be got for a penny? methinks you are not so good a Merchant as I took you for, to lay out for a journey to these waters where you hope for health to live a while, and lay out no more for that place where you hope to live for ever; Heaven is little worth if it be worth no more than such men give for it.   

XIX.  
Thomas Gaine (Guadagni) a Merchant by his Name, and a rich Merchant of Florence, who lent to Francis the first of France five hundred thousand Crowns, but as it seems by the story, one of those who (as the Italian Proverb is) live by their trading and cheating one half of the year, and by their cheating and trading the other half; This man was about to build an Hospital at Leyden; And having purchased a fair plot of ground for it, he brought his acquaintance thither, and among them one Saltarell a Merchant likewise, and skilful in Architecture, to whom he showed the models and platforms, requiring his advice. I like all this well, saith Salterell, only one thing is faulty, there is too little a space of ground, it will be much too narrow; Why, saith Gain, do not you see what a large compass there is? I see it is large, saith Salterell, but if all are to come hither, whom you have brought to poverty, it will not hold the one half of them.   

XX.  
One speaking of these kind of works, said, that without restitution and compensation to man they could not be acceptable with God, who hates robbery for a burnt-offering; and that these men were much like one, whom in the Country the people by a Nickname called God's Shoemaker, who used to steal Leather, and (it may be touched in conscience for it) he would give away the Shoes for God's sake. And it is now proverbial, To steal the Hog, and give the feet for Alms.   

XXI.  
There is an unhappy Proverb, Happy are those sons, whose fathers go to the devil; but it is observed to the contrary, even to a Proverb upon Proverb, Malè parta malè dilabuntur, Ill-gotten ill gone; De malé quasitis vix gaudet tertius Haeres, etc.   

XXII.  
Divers Proverbs of gain and bargaining, most of them Outlandish, wherein are good Counsels to those that will take them.  
1. A Merchant that gains not, loseth.  
2. He that gains well, and spends well, needs no count-book.  
3. He that hath the spice, may season as he please.  
4. Weigh justly, and sell dearly.  
5. Love is not found in the Market.  
6. Pleasing ware is half sold.  
7. Were there no Fools, bad ware would not pass.  
8 You must lose a Fly, to catch a Trout.  
9 The buyer needs an hundred eyes, the seller not one.  
10 He that praiseth would sell, and he that blames would buy.  
11 Whoso knew what would be dear, should be a Merchant but one year.  
12 Ill ware is never cheap.  
13 That is gold which is worth gold.  
14 Money wants no followers, or Every one fastens where there is gain.  
15 Health without money is half an Ague.  
16 Ready Money is a ready Medicine.  
17 He that hath Money and Capers is furnished for Lent.  
18 With a Floren, the Latin tongue, and a good Horse, a man may travel any where.  
19 To have Money is a fear, not to have it a grief.  
20 Little wealth, little care.  
21 He that hath Lands, hath quarrels.  
22 Pains to get, fear to lose, care to keep.  
23 He that hath little is the less dirty.  
24 In a great River Fish are to be found, but take heed lest thou be drowned.  
25 Wealth is like Rheum, it falls on the weakest Parts.  
26 When all men have what belongs to them, it cannot be much.  
27 The Gown is his that wears it, and the world his that enjoys it.  
28 All did come from others, and must go to others.  
29 Riches are like Muck, spread abroad they are fruitful, but on an heap and hoarded they stink.  
30 If a good man thrive, all thrive with him.  
31 The bit that one eats makes no friend.  
32 Presents of love fear not to be ill taken of strangers  
33 He that pities another remembers himself.  
34 The House is a fine House, when good Folks are within.  
35 Silks and Satins put out the fire of the Chimney.  
36 Pay tithes, and give alms, and be as rich as God would have thee.   

XXIII.  
Other good counsels to those that need them, and to whom they belong.  
a He that looks not before finds himself behind.  
b To buy dear is no bounty.  
c He that loseth his due gets no thanks.  
d Shopkeepers are Courtiers. They that have wares to sell have words at will.  
e Buy at a Fair, but sell at home.  
f Buy not all you have use of, nor every thing you think you have need of.  
g The dearer it is the cheaper for me (meant I shall save by not buying.)  
h On a good bargain think twice, for a good bargain is a pickpurse.  
i A good payer is master of another's purse.  
k A good paymaster starts not at assurance.  
l He that will be surety shall pay.  
m Would you know what money is? go borrow some.  
n He that would have a short Lent, let him take money to be paid at Easter.  
o Sins and debts are always more than one takes them to be.  
p He that gets out of debt, grows tich.  
q He that knows what may be gained in a day, will neither steal, nor beg, nor borrow.  
r He that hath no Trade, it is to his loss.  
s He that hath a good Trade, hath a Purchase made.  
t Little and often fills the purse.  
u Keep thy shop, and thy shop will keep thee.  
w He that will make a door of gold, must drive in a nail every day.  
x He that labours, and thrives, spins gold.  
y He that lies long in bed, his Estate feels it.  
z The Citizen is at his business before he rise,  
A Play, women, and wine kill a man laughing.  
B Gamesters and Racers never last long.  
C In Building and Gardening you are sweetly undone,  
D A fat Housekeeper makes lean Executors.  
E To make a bounce, i. e, to spend a quarters Rend at a meals meat.  
F He that burns his house warms himself for once.  
G The Jews spend at Easter, the Moors at Marriages, and Christians in Suits.  
H To gain teacheth how to spend.  
I As the year is, your pot must seethe.  
K Every one stretcheth his legs according to his Coverlet.  
L Much spends the Traveller more than the Abider.  
M Who hath more bread than needs must not keep a dog.  
N Sleep without supping, and wake without owing.  
O Mend your clothes, and you may hold out this year.  
P Men get wealth, and women keep it.  
Q Better spare to have of thine own, then ask of other men.  
R A penny spared is twice got.   

XXIV.  
It is not to be reckoned, what public and private benefit this Alphabet well learned may produce: but Democritus intending, howsoever recompensed, to oblige the Merchant, will now discover him a secret how to recover a stolen treasure, without going to the devil (to an ginger, I mean, or a Conjurer) it is this. A certain man had digged and hid under ground a good sum of money, to which none was privy but a Neighbour his intimate acquaintance; who proving false to him digged up by night and carried away this treasure. The other seeing himself robbed, and suspecting him that was the thief indeed, comes to him without any show of sadness, and tells him in a merry manner, that Fortune was every day more and more favourable to him, he had lately come in to him a thousand Ducats more, which the next night he purposed to lay up with his fellows in the place he knew. His Neighbour gaping for the whole, as speedily as may be carries back the money he had stolen, hoping within a day to sweep away every dust of that and the other sum also. But the Owner finding his money returned, carries it home with him, and deceives the Thief his Neighbour.   

XXV.  
A Countryman had brought into the Emperor frederick's Court a Load of Corn, and being gone into his Inn one of his horses was loosed out of the Cart, and taken away. The News coming to the Emperor's ears he calls in the fellow, and asks him if he had heard any thing of his horse, and tells him withal that he should have looked to his Horses, for it was a wonder there being so many Soldiers about him who had use of horses, that his other horse scaped, But the Countryman telling him, that the other was a Mare, and unfit for service in the War, the Emperor bid him then to get up upon his Mare, and ride about to the Stables in the City; which done, the Horse smelled his Fellow which he had miss, and by his neighing betrayed himself and the man that had stolen him.   

XXVI.  
There is a story of our Sir Thomas Moor, which is thought fit to be transplanted into other Languages; and it may be is not so commonly known at home; He sitting in judgement upon some Thiefs and Cutpurses, there was one grave ancient man upon the Bench that said, it was the carelessness of men in keeping their purses that gave occasion to these new sort of Thiefs; Sir Thomas disliking this Speech, and adjourning the Sentence till the next day, sends for one of the Cutpurses at night, instructing him what he would have done, and promising him liberty. The next day this man being examined and plainly proved guilty, He answered for himself, that if it pleased the Judge, or any that sat there to hear him, He had a secret to reveal which concerned the good of them all, Sir Thomas bid him take his choice: Then said the Cutpurse, if it please that grave worshipful Gentleman, who spoke something on our behalf yesterday, I shall tell it to him, the Gentleman coming down to the Prisoner, he draws him aside, and whispers some crochet in his ear, but withal dives into his pocket, and carries his Purse; The Prisoner returning to the Bar, and giving Sir Thomas a sign that he had done the feat, the Gentleman being seated begins to beg and plead for the Cutpurse, and that he would tell the judge what would deserve his pardon: Well then, saith Sir Thomas, but we must help the poor man with a little money that he may live honestly hereafter; upon which motion every one drawing their purse, the Gentleman missing his began to be wroth, and said, that his Purse was gone he knew not how, and which was most saucily done, stolen from a man of justice in a place of Justice: Sir Thomas returns him his own words he had used the day before, that it was his own negligence, etc. and the Court having good sport, He wished him hereafter not to blame those that lost their purse, or in any way to believe or take upon him the defence of Cutpurses.   

XXVII.  
A noted Merchant of Antw●rp spoke to a Painter to draw his Picture, promising him twelve crowns if he did it well and like him. The work being done, the Merchant repenting of his bargain, and loath to part with so much money for a Picture, quarrels with the Painter, that he had not done it artificially, and that it was nothing like him, and so would not pay him his Money. The Painter carries away the Table, and bethinks himself how to get the money out of him; He adds to the Merchant's head, a coloured Hood, Feathers and Bells, and in this Fool's habit hangs him out at his shop for sale. The Merchant who was well known, being taken notice of by all passengers in this dress, to redeem himself from scorn and laughter, was forced to buy the picture at the price formerly agreed on, and to pay also for the Fool's Cap which he had given him.   

XXVIII.  
Philip the second King of Spain, who used to visit Tradesmen shops, came in once to one Jenkyn of Trezzo, about some work he had put out to him, which went but slowly on; and says to him, I pray thee Jenkyn tell me if thou hadst a Apprentice or man that thou hadst set about a work, and he would not do it, what wouldst thou do with him? I would, saith Jenkyn, pay him his wages, and bid him be gone; The King perceiving what that meant, made him be paid what was owing him; and coming a while after, not finding the work quite finished, he asked him; And how now Jenkyn, what wouldst thou do with that man to whom thou payedst wages, if he had not done thy work? Truly, says Jenkyn, I would give him more time, and not look he should do more than he could.   

XXIX.  
Alexander the Great coming into Apelles his shop; and making his judgement of Pictures very unskillfully, Apelles whispers him in the ear, Sir, I pray you leave off talking of these things, or else speak lower, that the boys which grind the colours may not hear you and laugh at you.   

XXX.  
Philip Alexander's Father maintaining Argument with a Musician in points of his Art somewhat peremptorily, the Musician said to him: God forbid Sir, your Fortune were so bad to know these things better than I, Aliud Sceptrum, aliud Plectrum, as another Musician said to King Ptolemy.   

XXXI.  
It was commonly said of Nero, that would have had the repute of an excellent Musician, that He was any thing rather than a Musician, and yet he was a better Musician than a Prince, for he would be either stretching the pins of government too high, or letting them down too low.   

XXXII.  
Diogenes called an ill Musician Cock, Why Cock? (saith he) Because says Diogenes, when you crow men use to rise.   

XXXIII.  
A wand'ring Scholar, that feigned himself a Master of Arts, went a begging to a Smith, and pleaded that he was a Master of Arts; what Arts, said the Smith, the seven liberal Arts, said the other, Those Arts, said the Smith, methinks are not very liberal, which cannot maintain a single man, and I with one Trade maintain myself, wife, and children.   

XXXIV.  
A Miller, of whom the old Proverb of England was, that every true one hath a golden thumb, and in Germany they say, when they speak of a stour man, that he is as bold as a Miller's shirt, that every morning▪ takes a thief by the neck; One of these going a begging, and desiring a gathering for him, He that commended his case said, Neighbours I pray you consider this poor man; Whom I verily believe to be an honest man because he begs, for otherwise he might have lived well by cheating and taking toll as other Millers do. Some may think this Story made by some Scholar in answer to the former, but Democritus assures him he hath it upon record; and that he is of that good opinion not only of Millers, but most Tradesmen, that they may be honest when they go a begging.   

XXXV.  
Those that cheat others by fair words, would think it somewhat severe to be served as Alex. Severus the Emperout punished a man that by fair promises had abused his Name to the people, he made him be tied to a stake and choked with smoke, with these words, He sold smoke, and he is punished with smoke; this your fair-tongued Cheaters would think severe and harsh, and yet it is no more than they deserve, but in conscience they cannot say but Gallienus the Emperor's punishment was reasonable, who condemned a Fellow to the Sands for selling glass instead of jewels; and when in the Theatre all the people stood looking for some Lion or wild Beast to come forth to devour him; there was at last sent out a dunghil-cock, and a Crier, with these words, He cheated others, and himself is cheated.   

XXXVI.  
Your Fellow-Traveller finds fault both in City and Country, and wisheth they may find the least faults in him, but that both by doing better may make them passages to a better place. In the mean time he is demurring in which he should settle, upon such considerations as these.  
The City for Wealth, 
The Country for Health.  The City for Plenty, 
the Country for Content.  The City to gain much, 
the country to spend to advantage.  The City for Furniture, 
the Country for the use of it.  The City for Dainties, 
the Country for Necessaries.  The City for Houses. 
the Country for Lands.  The City for Works of Art, 
the Country for works of Nature.  The City for Conversation, 
the Country for contemplation  The City for Strangers, 
the Country for Friends.  The City for Courtesy. 
the Country for good turns.  The City for Wit and manners. 
the country for Love and Plain-dealing.  The City for New Fashions. 
the country for old customs.  The City for Cares. 
the country for Pains.  The City for Winter. 
the country for Summer.  The City to Praise, 
the country to enjoy.    

XXXVII.  
Cardinal Hippolytus Nephew to Pope Clement the seventh, although of great Revenues, kept a bountiful house, and had a great many Followers; which the Pope being a niggardly man had often in vain reprehended in him, at last coming once to his house when the Cardinal was rid abroad, He called the Steward, and bid him bring him a Rowl of all his Attendants with their Offices, and being amazed at the great number, he takes a Pen and dashes out as many as he thought useless and unnecessary; and giving back the Roll bids the Steward tell his Nephew that it was his will that he should dismiss all those whom he had crossed out, he might very well spare. Hippolytus coming home at night, the Steward delivers him the Roll with the Pope's pleasure, unto which the Cardinal presently answers, It is true what my Lord saith, that I have no need of those many servants whom he hath cancelled, but since they have need of me, I charge you as yru respect my favour, not to put away any one of them.   

XXXVIII.  
Aristippus the luxurious Philosopher, being taxed by one for giving six Crowns for a small Fish; Why saith he, what would you have given? Some twelvepences, said the other, Well, said Aristippus, And six Crowns are no more with me.   

XXXIX.  
Plato once chiding his Aristippus for buying so many Fishes, Aristippus told him that he had them all for an half penny; It is true, said Plato, and I could have bought them for so much; Why then, said Aristippus, You see Plato, that I do not love Victuals any more than you love your Money. One Polyenus a Sophister, coming to the same Aristippus his house, and seeing a great Feast providing, began to reprehend the excess; Aristippus took no notice of it at present, but a while after sends to invite him, who comes and feeds, Now, saith Aristippus, why dost thou blame the Feast thou art willing to partake of, I see thou dost not distike dainty fare but the charges.   

XL.  
There was a Lady in our Western parts who gave great entertainment to the Gentry thereabouts; She being a good Huswife was up betimes, and called to one of her maids out of her window, Is the Piggy served? which a Gentleman, whose lodging was near overheard; And when the Lady came down in great State into the Great Chamber full of Company, that Gentleman begins, and Madam saith he, Is the Piggy served? the Lady presently makes answer, You know best whether you have had your breakfast.   

XLI.  
One used to say to his guests whom he invited, If you be temperate and reasonable guests, here is enough for you; if not, here is too much: This would do well for him to think of, but it would do better for another to speak it.   

XLII.  
And it may be this was but borrowed from what was said of Socrates, to whom one finding fault with the slender provision he had for his guests, Socrates made answer, If they be good guests they will take it well, but if they be bad, it is no matter how they take it.   

XLIII.  
Cyrus' being asked by his Grandfather Astyages, Why he would drink no wine? answered, for fear lest they give me poison, for, quoth he, I noted yesterday in the Feast of your Birthday, that some body had poisoned all the wine they drank, because at the taking away of the Cloth, not one of all those that were present at the Feast arose in his right mind.   

XLIV.  
Crates the Theban finding fault with the cost and waste at great Feasts; others defended it, saying, this expense was made by such as had plenty; Yea but, saith Crates, you do not excuse a Cook if he put too much salt or pepper in your meats, and say, he hath plenty.   

XLV.  
Diogenes passing by the house of a riotous person, on which he see a note of sale, said, I knew this, that sometime or other thou wouldst spew out thy master.   

XLVI.  
An Italian Gentleman having sold four Fields of ground to buy him an handsome Turkish Race-horse, and riding him out one day, a Gentleman seeing him gallop, saith to his companion, O what a large stroke hath that Horse, yes, said the other, You would say so, if you knew all, for he hath leapt over four fields at one stride.   

XLVII.  
Another Italian Gallant coming into company all sweaty, in a rich Damask Suit; Fie upon it, says one, how does that Gentleman sweat! and well he may, said another, having an whole Vineyard upon his back; (which it is to be understood that he had sold to put himself in brave clothes.)   

XLVIII.  
One Johannes Gonzaga having store of money to spare, which though it were his own already, he went to try whose it should be, had lost at dice bag after bag with much ease and pleasure, for He that plays away his money must not value it. At which his Son (Alexander by name) standing by looked very sadly. Upon which one of the company said, Your Son here looks earnestly when you will win, that he may have some share with you. You are deceived, saith Gongaza; to think that Alexander hath any such low thoughts; You know Alexander the Great wept, fearing his Father Philip would leave him nothing to win; and my Alexander on the other side, is sad, fearing that I shall leave him nothing to lose; this is called Alexander's example inverted, i. e. Alexander turned inside out, turned out of all, but I do not like these sad jests.   

XLIX.  
These every one, I believe, can parallel with some English Story. M. Cambden tells us of a great Swaggerer, that having lately sold a Manor of an hundred Tenements came ruffling into the Court in a New Suit, saying, Am not I a mighty man, that bear an hundred houses on my back? which one that heard, said, he might have better employed it in paying his debts.   

L.  
He relates a like Story of one Sir Thomas Rokesby in K. Richard the thirds days, who being found fault with for being served so meanly in wooden cups and not in Plate, answered, These homely Cups pay truly for what they hold, and I had rather drink out of wood, and pay gold and silver, then drink out of gold and silver, and make wooden payment.   

LI.  
A great Gallanto-Flanto-Ranto▪ that had wasted much of his Patrimony, seeing one M. Dutton a rich Gentleman, but plain, in a Gown not of the newest cut, told him that he thought it had been his great Grandthers' Gown, It is so (said M. Dutton) and I have also my great Grandfathers Lands.   

LII.  
Your Fellow-Traveller, where he so journed of late, heard a merry conceit of a Gentleman of good means, who drawing towards▪ his end was much visited by a Cousin of his a very Spend thrift, the Gentleman taking notice of his visits then, and knowing what he looked for, told him once or twice, that he thanked him for his visits, and that when he died, He would leave him something to make him drink; and at last appointed him he should call for what was in the corner of such a Cupboard. The Gentleman being dead, his cousin comes to call for his Legacy, and when it was told him there was no mention of him in the Will, he demands the key of such a Cupboard, where indeed in the corner was found nothing but something which would make him drink, if you must know, it was a Red herring.   

LIII.  
Sir Edward Cook was wont to say, when a great man can came to dinner to him, and gave him no knowledge of his coming; Well, since you sent me no word of your coming, you shall dine with me, but if I had known of your coming, I would have dined with you.   

LIV.  
Sir Nicholas Bacon being keeper of the Seal, when Queen Elizabeth in progress came to his house at Red▪ grave, and said to him, My Lord, what a little house have you gotten, said, Madam, my house is well, but it is you that have made me too great for my house.   

LV.  
Ferdinand King of Castille in his progress turned into the house of one Alphonsus a famous man, it was a stately building, but had a narrow staircase. The King ask'ed him, why he had not made larger stairs to so fair a house? Alphonsus' answers, I never thought so great a Guest would have come into it.   

LVI.  
Philip the second King of Spain in his Journey was driven by a storm into a Countreymans' house, where he was forced to take up his lodging; the Husbandman set before him such as he had, and was much troubled at the entertainment of so great a person: In the morning the King calling him to him gave him thanks, and bid him ask wherein he might gratify him: The man answers, I pray God to preserve your Majesty in life and health, and grant that I may never see you here again.   

LVII.  
Two Noblemen vying compliments who should first go in at a door▪ one of them who seemed to be forced to go first in (as one must go in first) said to the other, Sir, Now I think you under stand how careful I am to be your servant, since I so readily obey you in this which puts a shame upon me.   

LVIII.  
One using to come a little too oft to his Friend's Table, the Master of the house bid the dinner be stopped a while, the man ask some of the Family, Wheu the Dinner would come in, the othar answers, As soon as you are gone Sir.   

LIX.  
A Stranger being invited to Supper, when he see Cheese the first dish that came in to the Table, said, But in our Country they do not bring in Cheese till the end of Supper; It is true, said the other, and so they do with us.   

LX.  
Augustus Caesar was invited to Supper by one of his old friends, where he had but ordinary entertainment; whereupon at his going he said, I did not know that you and I were so familiar.   

LXI.  
One that was a great Eater coming to a Feast, and complaining, that He had lost his stomach, one of the Company that was a poor man, said, I hope, no body of our house hath found it, for if they have, we are utterly undone.   

LXII.  
In Genua some Citizens standing at their doors, asked a Countryman passing by for sports sake, what time of the year Countrymen took most pleasure in; In the Winter time, said the Countryman, for than we can sit about the fire, roasting of turnips and chestnuts, and lie and sleep most sweetly by the Fire side, what do you think of this life? Truly said one Citizen, You seem somewhat akin to the Hogs: Why, said the Countryman, What time of the Year do you of the City like best? What but the Spring, Fellow? said the other, when all is fresh and green, when the flowers grow, and the Birds sing; Then said the Countryman, You are are some akin to our Ass, who at that time of the year never leaves braying.   

LXIII.  
Scipio canvasing for Aedile, meeting one of the people, and taking him by the hand, feeling it hard and brawny, asked him in jest, Whether he went upon his hands or his feet? at which the Countryman took such offence that he went about to his companions, and told them how much Scipio scorned the people, which raised such an indignation against him in the multitude, that Scipio lost their suffrages and the office.   

LXIV.  
A Shepherd having spied an huge Toad gazed upon it, and fell a weeping. And being asked by a Cardinal riding that way why he wept? I Weep, saith he, to think, that I never yet have thanked God for his blessing in making me a man; and not such an odious beast as this is; See, saith the Cardinal, how these Countrymen steal away heaven from us.   

LXV.  
To this we may add what M. Fuller▪ hath from report of a Gentleman travelling in a misty morning, that asked a Shepherd, What Wether it would be? It will be, said the Shepherd, what weather pleaseth me, and being courteously requested to express his meaning; Sir, saith he, it shall be what Wether pleaseth God, and what weather pleaseth God pleaseth me. This is the only sure way to have our wills.   

LXVI.  
Pope Paul the third riding once out of Rome to take the air, met a Countryman, who was an ancient proper man of a lively fresh colour, with a Beard down to the Girdle, in homely but comely clothes, the Pope calls him to him, and asked him of his age and condition of life; The man says, that he was above fourscore and ten, that he was an husbandman, and lived upon a small Farm he had, and that every day for business or the exercise of his body, he walked on foot a mile or two, that he had a Wife, and Children, Grand▪ children, and great grandchildren, which made him stir about for them. And being asked by what means he kept that strength of Body at that Age, He answered, He had no changes of meat or clothes, he used no sauces, and he drove away all care from his heart as much as he could. The Pope pleased with the man and his answer assigned him a yearly pension of an hundred Crowns, that he might spend the rest of his time the more cheerfully. He thanks the Pope in these words, I deny not, Holy Father, but that I owe you most humble thanks for your great Bounty; yet I know that this will rather take away from the years of my life, then add any thing to them.   

LXVII.  
The Lord Verulam in that excellent work of his History of Life and Death, among others, tells a story of an ancient man above an hundred years old, who was brought into the Court for a witness upon some ancient prescription; who, when the Testimony was finished, was asked familiarly by the Judge, By what means he came to live so long, the man answers (cross to expectation and with the laughter of the company) by eating before I was hungry, and drinking before I was thirsty.   

LXVIII.  
Stories of long lived Countrymen in our Country are needless; for as the same Author observes, in England there is scarce a Village with any store of people, where there is not to be found some one man or woman of fourscore, And not long since in Herefordshire there was a Morris-dance by eight men, whose age reckoned together made up eight hundred years complete, some having over and above what the other wanted of an hundred.   

LXIX.  
Two Citizens being rid abroad in the Spring, by chance they heard the Cuckoo singing: Now it is known who are noted by that Birds name, where a poor injured man must suffer more also by the scorns of foolish wantoness; The Citizens hearing this Bird, began to laugh one upon another, and to ask, To which of them the Bird dies sing? and from contesting they fel● to contending, from jest to earnest, and to a Suit of Law at last; where the Lawyers having tamed their purses sufficiently, the Judge in the end pronounced this Sentence, that the Cuckoo did sing to neither the one nor the other of them, but to herself only.   

LXX.  
There is an old superstitious saying among common people, that if an Hare cross the way it is bad luck, but if a Wolf it is good luck; unto which it is not amiss to add this Story which I find of a Countryman, who going with his Cart and Horses to fetch wood, an Hare meeting him he drew back again; The next day going again, his man spies a Wolf in the Wood, and came and told him; O, saith he, Master, never fear, good luck, good luck, Pliny is witness. A little while after, they being about their work, and the horses let loose for grazing, the Wolf comes and singles out one of them, and after he had saluted the Horse clawing him after his manner, he suddenly thrust his head into his belly and pulled out his guts, which the Servant having seen, runs to his Master, and tells him, that good luck was gotten into the middle of their Horse's belly; which the good man found true, and became a sport to his neighbours. Of such and thousands more of these Vulgar Errors, there is a Learned Work extant of an excellent man Doctor Brown, as likewise of D. Primrose in Points of Physic; but concerning the original of this in hand, there is another learned man which gives a pretty guess; that the observation is true indeed, yet no more but this, that if an Hare cross our way (and scape our catching) it is bad luck; but if a Wolf crosss our way (and be gone, and so we escape his setting upon us) it is good luck: and this being thus spoken at first in jest by some witty fellow, came after to be taken in earnest by the simpler sort▪   

LXXI.  
A certain Countess of the City Cosence in Calabria, her Husband lately dead, being to certify by letter the Corporation, who were her Subjects, of their new Tenure, subscribed, The sad and unhappy Widow, etc. They thinking to imitate her, and that they must give her her own Titles, direct their letter back, The Aldermen, Magistrates, and Governors, etc. To the sad and unhappy Widow our Lady, etc. and in the beginning, Most illustrious and sad Lady, etc. These people, although they bred the famous Telesius, yet why they were called Brutii, you may partly guess by this story.   

LXXII.  
Nic. Picinninus a great Soldier but a blunt man, meeting Antonius Panormitanus a famous Scholar, and intending to pass a Compliment, thus bespeaks him, May I not live Antony, if I do not wish myself blind as oft as I see you. Panormitan troubled at these words, says, Why so my Lord, since there is none that does honour your valour and brave actions more than I? Picinninus smiling, and straying to express himself most eloquently, Thus it is, saith he, As oft as I see you with so great store of Learning, and then again consider myself with so great store of little wit; I both hate myself as contrary to you, and I also reverence you as a learned man.   

LXXIII.  
A Woman, whose child was a natural Fool, was directed in waggery to a Gentleman in Florence, who had been distracted, she comes to him, and says, Sir, I was told that you were once out of your wits, and I have a child that is now in that case; I pray you tell me how you were cured; The Gentleman perceiving the simplicity of the woman, said, O good woman, do not go about to cure him, for I never had a merrier time in all my days then when I was mad.   

LXXIV.  
A Prince kept a Fool, and one of the Court to vex him said, Sirrah, I will kill thee, he run trembling to the King, and told his danger; The King says to him, Take a good hear●, if he kill thee, I will hang him; No, saith the Fool, not so, but I would have him hanged one day before he kill me.   

LXXV.  
A Fool being brought to Court, and commended to a Germane Prince, the Prince asked him whether he would live with him, No, saith the Fool, I will live with my Father: why wilt thou not live with me but with thy Father, said the Prince; Why, saith he, my Father got a Fool of his own for himself, and do you get a Fool of your own as my Father did.   

LXXVI.  
Another Nobleman's Fool that was made the Neatheard, when he see them at home in trimming their horses to cut off their tails; he gets him into the Field, and cuts off all the Oxen and Cows tails, and comes loaden home with them, shouting and singing; and when some of the house chid him, I love, saith the Fool, to have handsome cattle as well as my Master.   

LXXVII.  
A certain Rope-dancer got a fall, at which all the standers by fell a laughing, only one natural fool there began to cry; some ask him why he cried, because (saith he) all men call me a Fool, and yet I ever kept the ground, and never went in the Air, or got a fall as that Fellow did. Democritus laughs to see some of his Readers so solemn as to be weary of these few fooleries, and others again to long as much for more of them, as the people did beg of Demades and Demosthenes to end their merry tales. And this would not be the book it promiseth unless it did satisfy a little the latter sort of Readers▪ therefore to proceed.   

LXXVIII.  
There is one who is somewhat a kin to our Democritus, who hath gathered to his hand the Privileges of beggars. 1. They are Citizens of the whole world, Vbiquitarians, every house is theirs, they are never out of their way. 2. They can lose nothing, and every day they are a gaining. 3. A Gift of theirs is more worth, and men give more for it then they do for any thing they can buy in the market. 4. No body ever begs of them, but they beg of every Passenger. 5. No man sues any of them at Law, no Creditor troubles them; if they sue any other, no Lawyer looks for fee of them, and their cause, Pauperis causa is a plea to be heard before any others. 6. No body envies them, no body slanders them, no body takes notice what they do or say. 7. They sleep better in straw than others on down-beds. 8. They fear neither Soldiers nor Robbers, nor Thiefs. An hundred Soldiers cannot spoil a naked man, Cantabit vacuus. That which thou hast not no man can take from thee: An earthen pot once broke can take no more harm. It is in vain for pilferers to think to find that in their hovels at night which they themselves cannot find at day. 9 They are free from all Customs, Taxes, or Excises; and this they have by birthright, and by the Law of Nations, and they pay nothing for this freedom. 10. Moreover all Princes and great men, Citizens and rich men are tied to pay tribute to them; and to provide for them before they provide for Horses, Hawks or Hounds, Feasts or fine clothes, and before they offer to fill the other bag. And lastly, if there had been no sweetness in Poverty, sure so many wise men of old had not made choice of it, so many Philosophers had not begged, Fabritius had not preferred his Turnips before the Samnites gold, and Alexander Monarch of the world had not longed to change states with Diogenes, whereas we do not read that Diogenes desired or cared to be Alexander.   

LXXIX.  
Diogenes begging (as divers Philosophers then used) did beg more of a Prodigal man then of the rest there present; Whereupon one said to him, See your baseness, that when you find a liberal mind you will take most of; No (said Diogenes) but I mean to beg of the rest again.   

LXXX.  
We read of a famous Rogue (Rogue à Rogator) in Austria, who having spent a fair Estate of his Fathers, and was turned Beggar, would say, that his Father had paid yearly fifty Crowns in tributes and taxes, and so much in servants wages, etc. all which trouble and charge he had eased him in, and made an end of; the same fellow would say, that he was not turned Beggar but Courtier, for men had rather see him without doors than within.   

LXXXI.  
There is a famous story of one, and some name his Country to be Spain, who being to be whipped through a Town, walked with a grace very stately; whom one pitying and bidding him mend his pace to rid himself the sooner out of his pain, my Gentleman took it ill, and said, What is it to thee, Fellow, how I go? when thou art whipped thou mayest use what pace thou pleasest, and let me now, I pray thee, use the pace which I think most becomes me.   

LXXXII.  
A clamorous Beggar following a Gentleman, who had not at present to give him, and would not tell the Beggar so, the Gentleman at last turns back, and says, a man knows not to whom to be charitable among so many of you, for there are some such cursed fellows, that if a man do not give them something, they will curse him to his face. O Sir, says the Beggar, you are mistaken in me, I am none of those; Then, said the Gentleman, Go your ways, I will try you for once.   

LXXXIII.  
One hearing Beggars earnestly and importunately craving for God's sake, &c said, These men that thus beg or rather challenge in God's Name do live by him whom I am afraid they seldom serve, for I have seen hundreds of them before Church-doors, and scarce one of them in ten years within the Church in the time of service. The same person when he heard any of them singing or roaring, would say, I cannot tell how to pity this man for he is merrier than I; and when he heard others in a set tune and frame of fine words, he would say, this man is a workman at his trade, he hath no need of me.   

LXXXIV.  
When the Emperor Frederick the third was at the Diet at Norimberge, a Beggar comes to Court, and is earnest to be let in, for he was the Emperor's Brother, the Beggar being importunate, the News comes to the Emperor, who bids him be called in before him, and asks him whence he▪ came to be his Brother, the Beggar answers, from our first Father Adam; the Emperor bids one of his Followers give him a Sous; the bold Beggar comes on again, and says, It doth not become you, Most Noble Emperor, who are so rich to give your Brother so poor a gift; Go thy way, says the Emperor, and if every one of thy Brethren give thee as much, thou Wilt be richer than I am. The like Story is reported of another Beggar, who came to Albert Duke of Saxony, begging a Penny of him for kindred sake: What kindred? said the Duke, by Adam, said the Beggar, the Father of us all: Get thee gone, said the Duke, for if I should give a Penny to every one of my kinsmen by Adam, it is not my Patrimony and Dukedom would serve to do it.   

LXXXV.  
Among this rabble it were fit Democritus should tell you something of Cheaters, but he is afraid honest men would be angry with him to teach others how to cheat them; and the Cheaters would laugh at him to offer to teach them who may be his Masters: they that live about Tyburn can tell you how the Cheater is cheated at last. Though there be more Cheaters in City and Country than those that hang in your way, and it is known what he of old laughed at, to see the Great Thiefs send the little ones to the Gallows, to see little thiefs in iron Chains, and great thiefs in gold chains.   

LXXXVI.  
Thirlby Bishop of Ely being Ambassador at Rome in King Edward the sixths' days, one of his men having negligently laid his Livery Cloak in his Lodgings had lost it, whereat the Bishop chiding his carelessness, the Servant answered, He never suspected Thiefs in so holy a place as Rome▪ Away Fool (quoth the Bishop) when thou comest into a strange place, think all men to be Thiefs, yet take heed thou do not call them Thiefs.   

LXXXVII.  
Of such as have come from Beggary to Wealth and Dignities, Examples are every where to be had, but their several behaviours and the censures of men hereupon are observable. Agathocles though but a Potter's Son was exalted to be King of Sicily, and he was so far from being ashamed of his Birth, as that when he was King he would be served in no other than Earthen plate▪ to show how nobly he was descended. And one Willigis, who was but a Wheelers son, was advanced to be Archbishop of Mentz, one of the Prince Electors in Germany, and he had for his Coat of Arms, three Wheels, with this Motto, Willigis, Willigis, recole unde veneris, O Willigis remember Whence thou camest.   

LXXXVIII.  
One Isaac born to digging and delving, yet by his valour and wisdom having gained the highest honours under Bajazet the Turkish Emperor, had hanging in his Hall, where he gave audience and access to all comers, a Spade, wherewith he used to dig for his living, and he would often show it his Children, telling them, That was his Arms, and as often as they see this, they should think by the like diligence and integrity to prove worthy of their Emperor's favour.   

LXXXIX.  
Sixtus V. Pope being born in a thatched cottage, of mean Parents, in a poor village Montalte, would sport himself with it, and say, that He was born of a most illustrious house, for the Sun in one moment did enlighten it in a thousand chinks and crannies.   

XC.  
Sigismond the Emperor much honoured Learned Counselors and Scholars, and would say, that He could make a thousand Knights in one day, but he could not make a Doctor in a thousand years: Which Speech being distasted by his Nobles, the Emrour qualified it thus; That he could make Noble and rich whom he would, and such they were if he made them so, But he could not make a man wise and learned; this was an ability wherewith God had ennobled a man: It is true, extraordinary Gifts or parts (as men call them) with great pains in public services, lay the foundation to Nobility, and extraordinary education, with noble dispositions and actions, does preserve and continue it▪   

XCI.  
Harmodius a Nobleman born, upbraiding Iphicrates a valiant Captain, that he was a Shoemakers son. My Nobility (saith the Captain) takes its beginning from me▪ and thine in thee is taking her Farewell. The like we find, that when in the presence of King Alfonsus they were discoursing of a famous man Nicolaus Picinninus, and one was commending his skill in Military affairs, another the power he had with his Soldiery, another his valiant Acts, and some one thing some another: There was one conceited of his own Nobility, who interposed, saying, These were something indeed, if he were not a Butchers Son. To whom Alfonsus replied, And I truly had rather be Nicolaus Picinninus then some Kings Son. And the King hath the Poet's suffrage for this speech.  
Malo pater tibi sit Thersites, dummodo tu sis  
Aeacidae similis, Vulcaniaque arma capessas;  
Quam te Thersitae similem producat Achilles.   

XCII.  
Fabius Grimanus being Provost of Milan under the state of Venice, a Company of Students had set on a ragged starveling poor Fellow, whom they hired for ten Crowns, that he should meet the said Provost as he came out of the Church, kiss his hand, and audibly challenge him for his brother. Grimanus not awhit daunted at this new greeting, courteously resalutes the man, and conducts him into his Palace; where having examined and understood the whole contrivance of the business, he presently commands the gates of the City to be shut, and called before him all those Students who had an hand in this project. When they appeared, he tells them with a calm countenance, that by their kindness and diligence this day he had found a Brother, but so needy and bare, that to set him forth as was becoming a Brother of his, there would be need of no little money: Wherefore he desired them, as they had taken no small pains in finding him out a Brother, so they would show the like liberality in apparelling him, and every of them pay down a convenient sum of money towards it. They excuse, beg and beseech him, that he would pardon this fault, that it was done in jest, out of rashness of youth and wantonness. But the Governor was earnest, and told them his Brother must have better clothes, and Money for Expenses too: nor did he dismiss them his custody, till every one had laid down an hundred Crowns apiece for this new naked brother whom they had begot for him.   

XCIII.  
A certain Antiquary came to the Emperor Maximilian the second, desiring leave of him to search the Archives and ancient Records to deduce his Pedigree. And what moves thee to this? saith the Emperor, Only, said the other, a desire to serve and satisfy your Majesty and the whole Austrian Family. The Emperor replies, You may do as you please, but I fear me, if you be honest and accurate in your search, you may at last bolt out some Cobbler or the like Founder of our Family.  
Majorum primus quisquis fuit ille tuorum,  
Aut Pastor fuit, aut illud quod dicere nolo.  
In great Pedigrees there are Governors and Chandler's.   

XCIV.  
It is delivered from Mr. Fuller as a thing most strange, and yet most true, that the Arms of the Duke of Rhoan in France, which are Fusibs or Lozenges, are to be seen in the Wood or Stone throughout all his Country; Yea, and the same, saith he, is observed in England, for the resemblance of Stars, the Arms of the Worshipful Family of the Shugburyes in Warwickshire, are found in the stones within their own Manor of Shugbury. But though stones of such forms be rarities, yet not so strange to those that have consulted gaffarel, and Lapis Asterites is by M. Cambden set down as a known and no strange stone, no stranger then Stella piscis or Stellio the breast; They were indeed most strange, if it were certain that the Arms of these Families were before the stones, and such stones no where else to be found; but that these Families should take their Arms upon observation of such a Rarity within their Grounds, is not strange, and to make such stones Touchstones of Nobility, would much shrink and straiten the Families of Nobles.   

XCV.  
One Benedictus Albizius a Nobleman and a Scholar came to one newly made Cardinal, to give his old Friend joy of his new honour. But the Catdinall looking strangely on him as if he knew him not: Albizius speaks thus to him; You Cardinals, I see, are to be condoled rather then congratulated; for as if by gaining a Dignity you had lost your senses, you can neither see nor hear; you cannot discern your friend's face nor voice; and it is well since you acknowledge not them if you know yourselves. The Lord Verulam reports the like of a Gentleman in Italy, that wrote to a great Friend of his advanced to be a Cardinal, That he was very glad of his advancement for the Cardinals own sake, but he was sorry that himself had lost so good a friend.   

XCVI.  
There is another Story registered, and as the shame would have it, of another Cardinal too; One of the Trent Doctors that Marrow of Theologists▪ as Campian saith, who being a fisherman's Son born, whilst he was in his inferior Orders▪ would always cause a Net to be spread under his Table▪ cloth, that at his rising from mear, when the Cloth was taken away, the Net might mind him whence he came; But being after saluted with a Red Hat, the Net was laid aside; and so one desiring a reason for that, he said, Why? I have now caught what I fished for. Thus the Abbot went stooping while he was seeking the keys of the Abbey, but when he had found them, he looked bolt upright.   

XCVII.  
One coming into an Inn in mean clothes, was suited accordingly with mean company, where not finding himself respected according to his worth, he began to brag largely of his Parentage, before those to whom such discourse is distasteful and ridiculous; to whom one of the men said bluntly, Get you hence with your Gentility, I am sure our Miller's horse is nobler than you, for he never goes abroad without a man to wait upon him. Another the like is storied of a stranger tediously bragging before some Country fellows of his Noble kindred, whom when one of them flouted; Thou mean fellow, said he, dost thou know wherein Nobility consists? Yes, very well, said the Countryman, it consists in being an hundred mile off from where a man was born, or threescore from where he is known, Chi si loda si lorda, saith the Italian; He that boasts of his Gentility bewrays it, and bewrays his own baseness, for as they have also in another Provetb, Unlucky children do most commend their Parents.   

XCVIII.  
A Spanish Ambassador coming to see that so much cried up Treasury at S. Marks in Venice, fell a groping at the bottom of the Chests and Trunks; And being asked why he did so? He answered, In this among other things my Master's Treasure differs from yours, in that His hath no bottom, as I find yours to have, alluding to the Mines in Mexico, Peru, and other parts of the Western Indies. This may hold in the comparison of Estates in Lands and Moneys, Fundus non habet fundum.   

XCIX.  
This and the former should have had their place before, but perhaps they will do well here for a closing consideration to men of great Estates in City or Country. Selimus the great Turk, as he lay languishing (his incurable disease still increasing) leaning his head in the lap of Pyrrhus his Bassa, whom of all others he most loved I see, said he, O Pyrrhus, I must shortly die without remedy; Whereupon the great Bassa took occasion to talk with him of many great matters; And amongst others, that it would please him to give order for the great wealth taken from the Persian Merchants in divers places of his Empire, persuading him to bestow the same upon some notable Hospital for relief of the Poor. To whom Selimus replied, Wouldst thou Pyrrhus, that I should bestow other men's goods wrongfully taken from them, upon works of Charity and Devotion for my own▪ Vainglory and praise? Assuredly I will never do it, Nay see they be given again to the right owners; Which was forthwith done accordingly. I am afraid this Turk shall rise up in judgement against some Christians; for either he is no Turk, or we no such Christians as we should be.   

C.  
A Fable of Aesop shall close this Period of our Travels: The Bat, the Bramble, and the Cormorant, were resolved to turn Merchants, and to be Partners in the same adventure; The Bats stock was ready money which he had borrowed: the Brambles was wool and cloth which he had catched from sheep's backs in passing by) and the Cormorants was a Treasure of a wrack which he had found as he was fishing by the shore. Having put in their lading, they set to Sea. But a storm arising, their ship sunk, and their goods were all lost▪ and themselves only escaped to land; Now ever since the Bat fearing creditors, keeps close all day, and walks only some few short turns at night; And the Bramble is catching at every passenger to get some more cloth; and the Cormorant follows the Seashores fishing for his living and watching what the Sea will cast up. The Moral of this Fable you must not look for out of your boys books, for they that affixed those Morals have seldom reached the wit of Aesop. Erasmus thinks this Fable fathered on Aesop and unworthy of him, but Erasmus did not so well look into it; Democritus who is an acquaintance of Aesop▪ and knows much of his mind, thinks the Fable his own legitimate and that Aesop here points at three sorts of men who get their living three several ways, and they seldom thrive or grow rich; The first is, of such as live by borrowing, and purchase by Use money, and these commonly run so much in debt that they are forced to turn Bats, and dare not show their heads. Others with the Cormorant gape for wracks, losing what may fall, and live upon hopes, and feed upon shores, and places vacant▪ desert, and forsaken by others, where they fish for their living by new inventions and fancies; and of this sort are Astrologers, Fortune-tellers, Chemists, Mountebanks, Projectors, and Cheaters of many sorts. The third and worst sort of men who are figured by the Bramble, are those that live by snatching, as Thiefs, Robbers, Pirates, mercenary Soldiers, quarrelsome Solicitors, Informers, and all seditious persons, who sit upon other men's skirts, and are ready to rend and tear all they meet. And all these, as is noted in the Fable, keep their old courses, and are seldom reclaimed to a better kind of life, the debtor runs on borrowing till he run himself out of all; the Projector, etc. never leaves his Fancies till he be a Beggar: Nor the thief, etc. will ever cease stealing till the Gallows makes an end of him: And the goods of all these are well set down in the Fable to be lost and cast away; for Money borrowed or found, or stolen, as it is quickly gotten, so it is quickly gone, and nothing but what is gained by honest care and pains hath a blessing to be lasting.   

THE FELLOW▪ TRAVELLER In Intercourse among STUDENTS AND SCHOLARS.  Magna pars studiosorum Amoenitates quaerimus. 
Printed in the Year, 1658.   
THE FELLOW▪ TRAVELLER AMONG Students & Scholars.  

I.  
lawyers and Physicians must here have the first place, because they live when most other Scholars go a begging; and they are amphibia, they get their living in City or Country, at home or abroad; though one saith, it is a bad sign of a bad place to live in, where there are either many Lawyers or many Physicians.   

II.  
An Advocate pleading for his Desendant, bespeaks the Judge with a Preface, that he might have his Lordship's leave to plead in the behalf of that good man, the Judge assenting, Now my Lord, said the Lawyer, you must in justice acquit this man, whom you have allowed to be a good man; the Judge replied, It is true, a good man he is, and shall be for me, unless the proofs against him make it evident that he is guilty. Quod non improbatur, prasumitur.   

III.  
A Prisoner indicted for Felony was asked by the judge what he had to say for himself, Truly My Lord, says he, I did mean no hurt to the man from whom I stole, only it was an ill custom that I had gotten, Why then, says the judge, if it be thy custom to steal, it is my custom to hang up Thiefs.   

IV.  
There were two came before Aristides, the Accuser said, O Aristides, this man did you such an injury at such a time, thinking by this suggestion to have made him partial. Aristides replies, Friend, I sit not here to hear what he hath done against me, but what he hath done against thee: This was Aristides the Just, and Exuit personam Judicis, qui amici vel Hostis induit.   

V.  
In Flanders a Flemish Tiler falling from the top of an House killed a Spaniard passing by, though himself escaped alive by the breach of the fall. Some of the Spaniards kindred prosecutes this Tiler very hard for his life, urging Lex Talionis, the judge answered, that since he did urge that law, he should have it,; He should go up to the top of the house, and thence fall down upon the Tiler. Praestare culpam homo debet, non oasum.   

VI  
One Petrus Niger travelling thorough a Country village, a Dog comes out of a House, and runs at him fiercely; but he having a picked staff in his hand runs the Dog through and kills him. The Owner of the Dog draws the man before a justice, and he chides the man for being so cruel; And why (said he) must you use the iron end of the staff, and not rather have beaten him with the fore-end, Because, said the man, the Dog ran at me with his teeth, and not with his tail.   

VII.  
There were three young Fellows had gathered a great deal of money by Piracy, and resolved at last to go to such a City to spend the rest of their life more securely. And that they might agree upon what they had got in common, they put all their money into a Scrivener's hands, upon these terms, that He should not part with a Penny to any one of them, unless they all three were present. A while after, one of them more cunning than his fellows, persuades them, it would be much better for them to buy some house and ground, that they might use in common and live upon together. Upon which they go to the Scrivener, and give him warning to call in their money in readiness, which they world shortly call for. In the mean time they bargain for an House, and one day when two of them were riding abroad, the third cunning fellow tells them, there was present use of fifty ducats for some furniture he had bespoke for the House; which they bid him ask for of the Scrivener, and withal as they rid by, bid the Scrivener give their Partner what he called for. He comes presently after, and takes up all the money, lays it on horseback, and conveys it and himself out of the way. After, the other two returning home, the Scrivener tells them, how according to their appointment he had delivered up to their Partner all the Money. They finding it in vain to pursue their Fellow, sue the Scrivener in Court, alleging he had broke Covenant, the Condition agreed upon being, that he should deliver no money to any but when they were all present. The Scrivener not a little troubled at this, consults one Gellius Aretinus a crafty Lawyer, who upon some deliberation gives him this advice, that he should confess in Court, that it was an oversight in him to pay the money, and that he was ready to pay it again, according to the tenor of the Writing drawn between them, which was that it should not be paid but when they three were present; Wherefore let them bring forth their third man, and he should be ready to pay them. This Democritus was more willing to transcribe at large, that it may be exemplary; for he hath heard the like advice mutato nomine, with little alteration of the case, given by our famous M. Noy.   

VIII.  
Cicero had occasion to call in Claudius Popilius an ignorant Lawyer for a witness, He coming in, said, He knew nothing, Cicero replies, I pray you think not that I am ask you in point of Law.   

IX.  
In the accusation of Clodius a seditious young Nobleman, Cicero among others gave in evidence upon oath against him, but the jury (which consisted of 57▪) being for the major part bribed, passed against the Evidence. One day after in the Senate, Cicero and Clodius falling out, Clodius upbraided him, saying, The Jury gave you no credit. Cicero answered, Five and twenty gave me credit, but there were two and thirty that gave you no credit, for they had their money aforehand. The same jury, before they gave up their verdict, prayed of the Senate a Guard, that they might do their conscience freely against Clodius, Catulus the next day seeing some of them that had acquitted him together, said to them, What made you to ask of us a Guard? were you afraid your money should have been taken from you?   

X.  
A Merchant in a Suit he had with a Countryman, had sent in to the judge for a Fee they call it (in plain English a bribe) a Vessel of Oil; His adversary understanding of it presented the judge with a Fat Hog; the Countryman carrying the case, the Merchant came to the judge, complaining and upbraiding him with his gift; the judge answered him, that he did remember his Oil, but there was a filthy great Hog, burst into his House, and had broke the Vessel, and spilt all the Oil. This man did indeed oleum & operam perdere, The Lawyer's Tongue like the tongue of a balance, inclines that way where there is most weight.   

XI.  
There was a judge in Poland called Ictus (it may be like Dives in the Parable, but named so by the Lawyer's abbreviation for Jurisconsultus, for most Lawyers are such) who a long time had stood for a poor man the Plaintiff against a rich man the Defendant; but in the end he took a Fee of the Defendant, and a considerable sum, stamped according to the usual stamp of the Country, with the Image of a man in complete armour, and in the next Sessions in Court judged the cause in favour of the Defendant. But being taxed for it in private, he showed his friend the Coin he received, and demanded of him, Quis possit iot armat is resistere? Who is able to stand against such an Army as this? This man's Conscience was not Musket-proof.   

XII.  
Laurentius Medici's canvasing for a place in Florence, a Friend told him that he could help him with such a man's suffrage, For, said he, for a pottle of wine a man may lead him which way he please. Is it so? saith Laurentius, What shall become of me then, is some body give him two pottles of wine? Precio parata vincitur precio Fides.   

XIII.  
Sir Thomas Moor had sent him by a Suitor in Chancery two silver Flagons, when they were presented by the Gentleman's Servant; He said to one of his men, Have him to the Cellar, and let him have of my best Wine: And turning to the Servant he said, Friend, tell thy Master, if he like it, let him not spare it. And when his Lady at another time offered him a great Bribe in the behalf of a Suppliant, he turned away with these words, Gentle Eve, I will none of your Apple. Rejecit alto dona nocentium vultu.   

XIV.  
Marcus Curio had a bribe sent him to tempt him to be unfaithful to his Country, the Messenger that brought the reward of iniquity found him at dinner with a dish of Turnips, and proffered him the Money, but he refused it, saying, Let this be proffered to those that cannot be content to dine with Turnips as I do.   

XV.  
Alexander sent to Photion a great sum of money, Photion said to the Messenger, Why doth the King send to me? the Messenger answered, Because he takes you to be a good man: Phocyon replies, If he think so, pray let him suffer me to be good still.   

XVI.  
A Noble Lord (who for his other Excellencies shall be nameless) being in a great office where he used to be (as the Lord Bacon phraseth it) twice paid, and though he himself cared not for Money, receive Bribes by the back door of Servants, being put out of his place for it, that day passing through the Hall where his Gentlemen sat at dinner, they as their manner was rose up at his coming by which he observing said to them, Nay Gentlemen sit down, for your rising is my Fall.   

XVII.  
Alphonsus Pazzius (perhaps only nicknamed so from his simplicity) a Nobleman of Florence had a Suit at Law, where his adversary brawling with him, said, that it was a sign he was not well in his wits, since his Father had appointed twelve Guardians over him, Alphonsus answers, My Father knew that he who hath Lands hath quarrels, but if he had known that I should have had to do with thee, he would have given me four and twenty Guardians.   

XVIII.  
Gerson tells of an ancient Matron who came to Orleans, and going to see one of their Inns of Court, asked what was the business of those Students there? One answered, they studied Law to be able to plead in the Country; Alas, said the woma● what a Country will there be when all these are let loose, for in our Country we have but one Attorney, and 〈◊〉 sets us all by the ears together. One was saying, that the number of Lawyers would mar the Trade; O no, said M. Heywood, for ever the more spaniels in the fields▪ the more game. Lawyers, if they do not find quarrels, can make them.   

XIX.  
Rodulphus Count of Habspurg, who was the first that brought the Imperial dignity into the Austrian Family, had some Suits with his Neighbours, but one especially with a potent Abbot, The Earl once comes upon the Abbot at dinner time, and makes himself his guest, his followers wondering at it. After dinner having talked a while with the Abbot, he made an agreement with him. And at his departure said to his Followers, He that hath three Suits in Law, and hath composed two shall do well to make ●●end of the third; And this course proved happy to the Earl, for that Abbot afterwards became a great help to him against his Enemies; They that have tried it say, that a bad agreement is better than a good Judgement.   

XX.  
There was a Minister to be deprived for Nonconformity, who said to some of his Friends, That if they deprived him, it should cost a hundred men's lives; The party understood it, as if being a turbulent fellow, he would have moved sedition, and complained of him, whereupon being convented and opposed upon that speech, he said, his meaning was, that if he lost his Benefice he would practise Physic (where he should be Homicida cum privilegio) and then he thought he should kill an hundred men in time. In a Miller's hand, saith Guevard, we tr●● only our meal, and in a Lawyer's hands only our Goods, etc. but in a Physicians hands we trust our lives.   

XXI.  
There was a Physician commended to a Prince for a rare man; The Prince in sport said to him, I entertain no Physician, unless he have first killed thirty men. The Physician perceiving it was spoke merrily answered, And I am not far from that number. for I have already buried nine and twenty. Nay then, said the Prince, you are not for me, for I am afraid I must be the thirtieth man; The sayings are common, Non est bonus Medicus, nisi qui impleverit coemiterium, and Res misera Medicus, cvi nunquam bene est, nifimale sit quamplurimis.   

XXII.  
The former story may be feigned, but in history it is recorded concerning one Reuda (or Reuder or Reuther) a Scotch King, who would never suffer any young Physcian to begin their practice in his own Kingdom, nor admit them at home till after twenty years' experience in his enemy's countries.   

XXIII.  
Asclepiades they say, made a bargain with Fortune, that he should not be trusted for a Physician, if he were ever sick himself. He was happy man if he kept his bargain. But there was a bargain among the Goths, the Patient was obliged aforehand to pay the sum agreed on, and the Physician was obliged to the cure, or else to lose his Physic and his pains.   

XXIV.  
Heraclitus being sick examined his Physician concerning the cause of his sickness; but finding that he was ignorant and did falter, he would take none of his Physic saying, If he be not able to show me the cause, he is less able to take away the cause of my disease▪   

XXV.  
There was a Gentleman fell very sick; and a Friend of his said to him, Sir, you are in danger, I pray send for a Physician. But the sick man answered, It is no matter, for if I die, I will die at leisure. Perhaps some such conceit as this stuck in the Gentleman's head, Vis magno tibi precio mortem emere? Medicum Negotiatorem vitae consul.   

XXVI.  
There is a grave Author that writes jests of Scholars (but such as were bred in Gotam College) He brings in a Scholar meeting his Physician and saying to him, I pray Sir pardon me; and be not angry that I have not been sick of late. Democritus thinks not this, as the Author seems to deliver it, to be spoken simply, but with an eye to that saying, Medicus est nullus, si bene circumspicias, qui amicos suos bene valere cupit. And Pausanias had some such like consideration, who when his Physician met him and said, I am glad to see you in good health, Pausanias answered, That comes to pass, because I have made no use of you; Now to these Democritus hath a ready answer in behalf of his Friends the Physicians.  
Gaudeo quod valeas, Medici vix credis ab ore?  
Hoc agit, ut valeas; quod meliusque facit.   

XXVII.  
And so where Democritus finds in another (who for the trial of his wit writes against Learning with a great deal of learning) an objection against Physicians, that in the Country there is health where there are no Physicians, but in Cities where are most Physicians there are most sick: Democritus thinks his words misplaced, and that he should say, In the Country where there is health, there are no Physicians, but in Cities where there are most sick, there are most Physicians, which will be no disparagement, that they live most where they are most useful and needful.   

XXVIII.  
Aeneas Silvius (who was after Pope Pius) being near his death, and the Physicians giving him hopes of life and recovery, said, This is the misery of great persons, that even in death they do not want Flatterers. But to this there is an Answer framed, that they who are to be the means of life love not to be the Messengers of Death.   

XXIX.  
One Baccius a Physician in Florence, who was able enough, but he had a worm in his pate, was sent for to the curing of a Woman; where feeling her Pulse, and looking upon her, he asked her, How old she was; She told him, Threescore and three, at which speech he flung aside her arm, and got him gone saying, Why how long would you live in this world? Perhaps the Climacterical year, which is another crotchet, was in his head.   

XXX.  
Cardan tells of one that had such a Receipt as would suddenly and certainly dissolve the stone in the bladder; and he concludes of him, that he makes no doubt but that he is now in hell, because he never revealed it to any one before he died; A hard Physician and an hard sentence; But this is pressed home by Philaretus, and it is to be wished that as there is the charitable Apothecary, so there were also the charitable Physician, for known diseases; for most of them, not only the Ague are Medicorum opprobria.   

XXXI.  
King James saith, that the Art of Physicians is very imperfect, for I doubt not, saith he, but for every disease there is in Nature a several simple, if they could find it out. So that their Compounds do rather show their ignorance than their knowledge. It is too true, that not only their affectations and contradictions in compositions leave men in a Wood, but their ascribing of a multitude of virtues to simples confound the true ones.   

XXXII.  
It is a great Question what does the cure, the Vulgar will tell you the last thing they took did the cure, as the last thing they did caused the disease; Some Physician will ascribe it to the rarity and dearness, others to the variety and composition, others to the fitness and order, etc. others think it is not the Physic or Physician, but Nature being disburdened returns to her functions by degrees, and men from weakness to a more cheerful condition, from a long hunger to a more greedy appetite, etc. And some add, that it is not Nature but the God of Nature which heals us, and as the Proverb is, God heals, and the Physician hath the thanks. It is God's compassion on the poor man who contemneth no means but is without any. It is the reward of his patience▪ It is Gods seeing his tears, or hearing his or the Church's prayers for him, It is God's respect to the sick man's devotion, and good use he makes of his sickness whereby he recovers more health both in body and soul: This it is, though unobserved, that cures thousands, without means, or with what means soever they have about them.   

XXXIII.  
It is written and reported from an Author of credit, That an ancient woman having an infirmity fallen in her eyes, which she could not be rid of by any remedy, spoke to a Scholar who used her house for some help; He in hope of some gain from her, told her he had an excellent charm for that disease. He takes therefore a piece of Paper, writes in it a company of strange characters (for omne ignotum pro magnifico) and in the end in great Letters, Daemon eruat oculos huic vetulae, & foramina stercoribus replete. This Paper he seals wraps in silk, gives it to the old woman to hang about her neck, with a charge it should not be read or opened by any, for fear of blindness or a worse disease. The woman believes him, and observes his commands; And a while after, the Disease falling away, whether by natural causes or by the devils help, to confirm her in her vain belief of charms, she is recovered to her former clearness and strength of eyesight, Fides sit penes Authorem, but my Author adds withal, that without question the devil doth use such arts to abuse the simpler sort (for such Arts have no warrant from God, nor do they savour of man, being irrational, without art or industry.   

XXXIV.  
A Wizard fortetold William the Conqueror that he should fafely arrive in England with his whole Army, without any loss; which coming to pass (as the one or the other of two must be true) the King sent to confer with this Wizard. But when it was found and told him, that he was drowned in that Ship, which only of all the whole Fleet miscarried, the Conqueror▪ said, He would never make account of that Science which profited more the ignorant than the Masters of the profession, for he could foresee my good fortune but not his own mishap.  
Another Story we have of our Henry the seventh who asked one of these Stargazers (who had before prophesied of his death, as Culpepper did of the now King of France, who lives to piss upon his grave) this Question, What shall betid me this Christmas? The cunning man answered, he could not tell; What then I pray thee shall become of thee? quoth the King, That likewise he said, he could not tell; Well then, said the King, I am more learned than thyself, for I know that thou shalt be committed to prison, and there keep thy Christmas for a juggling Companion.   

XXXV.  
Antonius Puccius, being in Embassage to Philip Duke of Milan, much given to Astrology, could not get audience a long time; At last, the Duke's ginger advising him of a fit time, the Ambassador was called upon to deliver his message, who refused to come, saying, If the Horoscope did favour the Duke at that time, it did not favour him.   

XXXVI.  
In the time of the Council at Constance, Peter de Monte Alcino a famous ginger prophesied, that Sigismond of Austria should that year be crowned Emperor by the Pope, and that John the 23, Pope should return with honour into Italy; But John being deposed by the Fathers of that Council, and Sigismond not coming into Italy that year, the ginger was upbraided by one for telling such gross lies, who answered, It was no wonder, that being to make judgement of two fools, he was mistaken. The ginger was wise, for fools it may be will not be ruled by the stars; nor perhaps wise men neither; for they say, Sapiens dominabitur Astris.   

XXXVII.  
A skilful ginger (that is, one that knows and believes more fooleries than others) told Gardinal Pool, that he had very exactly calculated his Nativity, and found that great matters were portended of him (as that he should be Pope▪ etc.) the Cardinal answered, Perhaps it may be as you say, but you must remember that I was born again by Baptism, and that day of Nativity wherein I was born again, doth Eclipse the other before, If it were true that the Hour of our Nativity did discover the issues of our Nature, yet Custom and Education doth alter Nature, much more grace.   

XXXVIII.  
Henry the Second returning out of Ireland arrived at S. David's in Wales, where it was told him, that according to Merlin's prophecy, the Conqueror of Ireland returning that way should die upon a stone (called Lech-laver near the Churchyard: whereupon in a great presence he passed over it, and said, Now who will hereafter credit that liar Merlin?   

XXXIX.  
Two Women being fallen out and giving one another the lie, to do it (as they thought handsomely, the one said, Thou liest like our Town-Clock, which will be telling lies upon Sundays; And, said the other, thou liest like an Almanac-maker, that lies all the year, and every day in the year. Nay, Democritus is bold and adds, that an ginger lies when he tells truth.   

XL.  
William The Conqueror invading this Land chanced at his arrival to be gravelled, and he fell, his feet sticking fast in the sand. One of his Attendants caught him by the arm and helped him up, saying, Stand up my Liege-Lord, and be of good cheer, for now you have taken fast footing in England. And then espying that He brought up sand and earth in his hand, he added, Yea and you have taken livery and seisin of the Country. It is as good to interpret an omen in the better as in the worse part; and as Seneca (not a Stoic in this) speaks very comfortably; Cum incerta sint speranda ac timenda, tibi fave, & crede quod mavis.   

XLI.  
That Omen or Luck is a word which signifies nothing, there are two noted instances from Heathens, where Fortune reigned. An Owl (Infaelix Bubo, dirum mortalibus Omen) pitched upon Pyrrhus his spear as he went out to war, and a tile thrown down upon his head piece by an old woman killed him. And an Owl lighted on Hierons' spear when he went out to battle, and he got the victory. A Snake (O fearful!) came out of a wooden pillar, when Tarqvinius Superbus was destroyed by Brutus: And a Snake (O good!) slipped out of the Altar, as Sylla was sacrificing, and He (by the Augurs advice too) led forth his Army and overcame the Samnites, which victory was the foundation of his greatness. They say some Snakes have forked tongues, and this sure was one of them.   

XLII.  
My Lord Verulam in his collection of Apothegms relates this English story of Sr. Edward Dyer a grave and wise Gentleman, who yet did much believe in one Kelley an Alchemist, that he did indeed the work and made gold. Insomuch as he went himself into Germany, where Kelly then was, to inform himself fully thereof: After his return, he dined with my Lord of Canterbury, where at that time was at the Table D. Brown the Physician. They fell in talk of Kelley, Sr. Edward Dyer turning to the Arch▪ Bishop said; I do assure your Grace, that what I shall tell you is truth, I am an eye-witness thereof, and if I had not seen it, I would not have believed it. I saw Master Kelly put off the base metal into the chrucible, and after it was set a little upon the fire, and a very small quantity of the Medicine put in, and stirred with a stick of wood, it came forth in great proportion, perfect Gold, to the Touch, to the Hammer, to the Test. The Bishop to this said, You had need take heed what you say, Sr. Edward Dyer, for here is an infidel at the Board. Sir, Edward said again pleasantly, I would have looked for an Infidel sooner in any place than at your grace's Table. What say you D. Browne? saith the Bishop, D. Browne answered after a blunt manner, The Gentleman hath spoken enough for me. Why (saith the Archbishop) what hath he said? Marry (saith D. Browne) he said, he would not have believed it except he had seen it; And no more will I   

XLIII.  
Democritus is much taken with Pope Leo the tenth (hold your censure till you know why it is) for rewarding an Alchemist. One of those Professors had dedicated a Book to the Pope of the Art of making gold. He looked for a great reward, and waited on the Pope daily. The Pope at last when he had sufficiently prolonged and enlarged his expectation, brought him out a large purse, and gave him; that since himself had the Art to make gold, there was a place for him to put it in. Alchemists first brag, and then cheat, and at last go a begging.   

XLIV.  
There are elsewhere to be found two or three words concerning Orators, which should here have had their place. The next to them are Poets, and as my Lord of Essex asked Sir Henry Savill What he thought of Poets? that Learned Knight answered him, That he thought them the best Writers next to them that wrote Prose. And some of them are good men too, such as do not worship heathen Gods, and sacrifice their wits to Mars, Venus, or Bacchus, or idolise themselves by Romances and Whimzes.   

XLV.  
Miltiades, a famous Athenian Soldier, being asked, Whether it were more honour to be Achilles or Homer? answered, That was such a question as to ask, Whether it were more Honour to be a Commander or a Trumpeter.   

XLVI.  
One Andreas Maro, who, like our Kendal for his extemporary verfifying was famous, and got in Rome the name of Archipoeta, was invited by Leo the tenth, who himself was poetical, where the Pope telling him he had heard of his great faculty and facility in verse, He presently in a glorying manner said, 
Archipoeta facit versus pro mille Poetis.  
To whom the Pope as suddenly replies,  
Et pro mille aliis Archipoeta bibit.    

XLVII.  
One Eobanus Hessus a great Wit, and a good Poet, was once with a Nobleman Gualther by Name, He being to go abroad and ready to take Horse, said to the Poet, that he would give him a couple of Oxen, if he would make him a Verse before he got into the Saddle, whereupon Eobanus came out readily with this Verse, 
Ascendat Gualther, veniat bos unus & alter.  And the Nobleman after his return was a Nobleman still, and as good as high word.   

XLVIII.  
One Marius of Laudia, was showing Pope Clement the eighth a Copy of his verses, the Pope within three Verses finds a fault, and cries out, O Mark, here is a syllable too short; Mark answers him, It is no matter for that, your Holiness by and by will find another too long. This may be but in jest, but there is another in earnest, which makes a Rhyme against Rhyme, which holds against Verse too.  

Rhyme the rack of finest wits,  
That expresseth but by fits  
True conceit;  
Spoiling senses of their treasure,  
Cozening judgement with a measure,  
But false weight;  
Wresting words from their true calling,  
Propping verse for fear of falling  
To the ground;  
Jointing syllables, drowning letters,  
Fastening vowels, as with fetters  
They were bound, etc.    

XLIX.  
A Musician and a Poet met at a victualling house, where claiming kindred with a curse upon that Courtier that said they wanted brains, they must dine together, and bespoke a Calf's head, which was a dainty. The man provides them their dinner, but noting their discourse, served it in without the brains; Why what is here? said one of them, It is, said the Host, a Musician and a Poet; But he should have brought it in, for if they wanted, they had the more need of brains.   

L.  
In a meeting of several Poets, one was reckoning up the several sorts of them, the Comici, Tragici, Epici, Elegiaci, Lyrici, etc. Stephanus Ferrarius said, I wonder you have left out the most ordinary and most common sort of Poets: Why said the other, who are they? Ferrarius answers, the Famelici. Studium quid inutile tendis? To which purpose, sure it is, that the Fable was made of the Gnats which in winter came a begging to the Bees, promising to teach their Children to sing, but the Bees answered, that their Children had learned a Trade already which would keep them from begging or starving in Winter: Poesis vitae umbratilis & delicatae accessio, said Tully, Poets, like gnats cannot live but in Sunny days.   

LI.  
But they will say, Other Scholars go a begging; They need not, if they will take Dionysius his course, who being not suffered to govern men, got a command over children, or if at lowest they will take the advice of the Prophetical Ballad made by a Vates indeed, if they will draw their Indenture, and be bound at adventure an Apprentice to a free School. But though Democritus doth not like begging, studying to deserve better, yet praestat pudere quam pigere; and in cases of necessity Scholars may not be denied that which is free for all men, for to appeal and to beg, is every one's privilege.   

LII.  
One Mauritius born of mean parentage, and forced to get his living by Alms and Begging, followed his Book at School so diligently, that his Schoolfellows would in mockery call him Bishop of Paris, which name he being noted by, when he begged, some would offer him liberally, upon condition he would promise never to be Bishop of Paris; But he gallantly would refuse every proffer upon those terms: Which thing was generally laughed at, but in time it proved a presage, for he was after advanced to be Bishop of Paris indeed   

LIII.  
A Scholar in his travels being robbed (and he that robs a Scholar, they say, robs more than one) came to Cosmus Medici's begging something of him; Cosmus asked him how he became so ragged and out of fashion in his clothes; The Scholar told him he was robbed by the way of his money and clothes; Yes, saith Cosmus, thou hast been robbed, but perhaps by gaming rather; It is true, said the Scholar, by Fortune's great game, whereby she takes from me, and gives to such as you. Cosmus finding him a Scholar, put him in handsome clothes, and furnished him with money for his journey. This and divers other instances which might be set down, confirms what one of▪ the Philosophers said, who being asked, What a wise man differed from a fool? answered, Send them both naked to those that kn●w them not, and you shall perceive.   

LIV.  
The Philosophers, as we have said, used to go a begging, and they have handsome Apologies for it. Diogenes being asked in scorn; What the reason was that Philosophers haunted rich men and not rich men Philosophers? he answers, Because the one knew what they wanted, the other did not; and one saying to Aristippus, Why should men rather give to the poor then to Philosophers? He auswers, Because they think themselves may sooner come to be poor then to be Philosophers. The same Aristippus would say, that He took money of his Friends, not so much to use it himself, as to teach them how to bestow their money. The same Philosopher▪ once begging a good sum of money of Dionysius King of Sicily, The King said to him, Why dost thou Aristippus beg that which you Philosophers make show as if you did despise, and say that a wise man hath no need of? Aristippus' replies, Give me the money first, and then I will give you an answer to your question; Dionysius gives him the money, And now, saith Aristippus, do not you see that I have no need of what you talk of? and and so our doctrine and my practice agrees well enough.   

LV.  
Aeschines perceiving every one give Socrates something for a present, said unto him, Because I have nothing else to give, I will give thee myself. Do so, said Socrates, and I will give thee back again to thyself better than when I received thee.   

LVI.  
Antigonus seeing Cleanthes a Learned Philosopher helping a Baker to grind corn at the Mill, said unto him, Molis tu Cleanthe? What Cleanthes dost thou grind Corn? ay, says he, I do so, or else I must starve for want of bread. And many there are who are forced to serve Tables, their own Table, who are fitter for better service. And perhaps Democritus is Mendicus hodiernus, and, though he could write something else, writes this first, to put meat in his mouth.   

LVII.  
For all this Democritus loves not to go a begging; with him Verecundum est rogo dicere. Yet He loves and thinks a Scholar's part Saepe rogare. For old Democritus hath told him, that Veritas est in puteis & fodinis, and he knows then, that it is the curious and inquisitive man that must dig and draw it out of the deep. He is therefore 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, one of the Seekers, for He hath found by experience that Quaestio (quaesitio) res est quaestu●sa; qui quaerit & non quaesita invenit. He that asks of others that are able to inform him, & discit, & placet; He that asks▪ and seeks of himself finds very often more than he seeks for. Besides, Dulcior cibus ex venatu, and Omne scientificum, quantò profundiùs quaeritur, tantò gloriosiùs invenitur. He that does scire per causam knows more certainly and most usefully. And therefore in ordinary and highway sentences, and common Schoolboy Themes, He lets them not pass without enquiry An sit? or Cur sit? To which purpose though Democritus knows the Scholar furnished with some problematical Books, as du Plessis, Camerarius and others, yet he thinks Tassonis Pensieri may be a stranger to many; and therefore having collected and compacted in brief some number out of his large Book, He will here bestow some few of them on the Scholar, choosing those which are the more pleasing and agreeable to the intent of this book, and leaving the more serious to his graver studies in the Library, if shops will not help him with the Author.   

LVIII.  
Quary 1. ex L. 1. q. 10. & l. 3. q. 5. 8.  
Why Fire melts Lead and hardens Eggs; melts Ice and hardens salt; melts Wax and hardens Clay.  
R. Fire melts Lead and other metals, because Metals in their principles are but watery and moist substances (I should think rather earthy and stony) congealed and condensed by the excess of cold (N. B. not by concoction of heat, as vulgarly) which the fire vanquishing reduceth them to their original (and so we see the waters that do saxifie and metallize plants or other things thrown into them are extreme cold.) And fire hardens Eggs, because the thin waterish humour being quickly evaporated, the viscous and more tenacious humour remaining is easily dried and hardened. Salt and Ice have both their principles from water, and Fire evaporates the more light and subtle part of Sea-water, and dries the more earthy which makes the salt; But Ice which is condensed by excessive cold retains the whole Humidity without any dryness, wherefore the heat overcoming that cold reduceth it to his former state. The same reason holds, why the Sun hardens Clay and melts Wax, for Clay is nothing but earth altered by an adventitious moisture, which being consumed by the Sun, the Earth remains as it was naturally cold and dry; and Wax consisting of fatness and moisture united by cold, the heat of the fire or Sun dissolves the union, and so makes it liquid and diffusive, and so we see also in grease, tallow, or the like.   

LIX.  
L. 2. q. 10.  
Why the Heavens and the Sea appear of an azure colour.  
Colours (saith our Author still) come from the predominancy of the four first qualities. As whiteness comes from cold, and so congealed things turn white, as Tallow, Snow, Hail, &c. and men in cold Country's and women which are of a cold complexion have white skins, and phlegm and spittle is therefore white, and old men grow white▪ haired. Redness comes from heat, as we see in blood, choler, and metals put into the fire. Blackness comes from the adustion of heat, and this we see in coal, melancholy, and smoke, which is but air and moisture adust. Green comes from moisture, as we see in grass, herbs, and leaves of trees, and so we may call the colour of the water being a moist body; and we have a colour called Sea-green; Azure hath some affinity and relation to green, as we find those that die green do first dip in blue, yet green hath more light and Azure more opacity; and so our eye looking to the sky sees the light by distance shadowed into blue: And therefore Painters to imitate Nature in representing their Landscapes, paint their Mountains and places distant of a sky▪ colour. Aristotle saith, that Azure is the colour of the Sea, and the sky hath it only by reflextion from the sea as in a glass, but if so, then in great Continents the sky should appear of another colour.   

LX.  
L. 5. q. 13.  
Why green delights the sight.  
1. Because it consists in a more entire proportion betwixt black and white than other middle colours.  
2. Because it is the colour our sight is accustomed to in grass, leaves, etc. (and that in the most pleasant season, when the air is most welcome, neither too hot nor too cold; when the Spring and youth of all things please us, etc. and so it delights us not only by sense, but by memory reflecting on its concomitants, as some music though none of the best, delights more by remembrance of our youthful days and company.)  
3. Because the eye being an Organ full of moisture, is by sympathy, as the taste also, delighted with that colour which ariseth from moisture, and offended with the fire and Sun by reason of the dryness.  
This our Author saith holds, except in a Gentle woman's face, where green (if it may be called so) pleaseth not.   

LXI. L. 5. q. 16.  
Why smoke offends the eyes.  
For the reason before, the moisture of the eye, and the dryness of smoke, which is seen in preservation of Meats from putrefaction by smoke.  
From the moisture of the Eyes it is, that those that have a good sight have not so good a smell, because the sight requires cold and moist, the smell hot and dry; and for this is Fishing good for the eyes, because of the moist ambient air by the River's side. The vapour of an Onion will extract tears and not pepper; and therefore not only because of its Acrimony, but because of the adjoined tenaciousness and viscosity in the vapour of the Onion. (But whereas our Author saith, it offends the eyes and not other parts, he did not consider, that though the eye because of its porosity and tenderness be much offended, yet the brain also, and the lungs are offended, and that to the hindrance of study or speaking, and if it continue, to the danger of health.)   

LXII. L. 4. q. 3.  
Whether a man receives more pleasure or displeasure from the sense of smelling?  
Smell is given to unreasonable creatures in such perfection, as they can do many things by it, which men do by discourse. As particularly Dogs, which by smell only know their Masters, will find them out in the night, and tract them at the greatest distance: Nay, they will not only smell out Beasts and Birds that are hid, but they will pick a stone out of the bottom of the water, which hath been thrown after them, which seems a dull thing and not to yield any scent at all. But man serving himself by discourse hath this sense more remiss, not much at hand, and that little rather for relish then necessity, for a man may live without perfumes or flowers Indeed meats, when they have an aromatical taste conformable to their Nature, relish the sweeter; as Wines, Fruits, Roast-meat, and other viands: But on the other side, unsavoury and rotten meats are much more nauseous to the stomach and offensive to the brain. Besides, all mea●s breed such excrements as man cannot endure. And further, the heaps of dirt, dregs, dunghills, etc. are not only noisome but pestilen●iall. Nay, many wholesome things are loathsome, as lilies, Brimstone, Physical drugs, etc. Now this happens not to other creatures; Smells, 'tis true, they will discern at more distance, but bad smells offend them not at hand, except in what is their own food. Wherefore men that have a bad scent or have lost their smell, have the less cause to be grieved for it, because there are so many more bad smells then good ones. (Yea, and what my L. Verulam observes, Men have lost their life by bad smells, which no good smells have power to recover.) Yet to recompense this, Those that have a good smell have a good wit also, as Cardan observes, Quoniam calida & sicca cerebri temperies olfactu praestat, talis verò ad imaginandum prompta ob caliditatem, & imaginum tenax est ob siccitatem▪ Neither is that true, which the Ancients observe, that man hath the most imperfect smell; for though he smell not at such a distance▪ yet he discerns more species and differences of smells; other creatures breathing the air of no odoriferous things but such only as serve them for food.   

LXIII. L. 4. q. 9  
Why Marble sweats.  
1. Scaliger saith, because those stones come out of waters, and therefore steal the moist air which is connatural to them, which the heat of the Air concocting turns into drops.  
2. But this comes to pass, because those moist vapours occasioned by the south-wind in close places, as Churches, Cloisters, etc. where Marble is, cannot pierce the Marble as other porose bodies, and so making stay upon the stone are by its coldness condensed into drops. The same we see in wainscoat being more close and solid than other wood, and in smooth glasses if filled with cold water. Iron and Marble in open air have rather a dew than drops, because of the plenty of attenuated and loose moisture, and the breathing of the Air which disperseth it, and the inclination of the water to seek communion and fellowship; whereas in dry places, as in dust, upon a Table, on dry Marble, water will roll itself into little heaps, to unite and preserve itself against its enemy dryness. And this is the reason of the roundness of drops, and not that common one, that water doth it to conform itself with the rotundity of the great mass of waters, which cannot be said to be round but as conjoined with the mass of the earth, both which do but make one globe.   

LXIV. L. 4. q. 15.  
Why Oil swims above water.  
1. Aristotle saith, Because of its mixture with Air, and so Plutarch, Quòd de reliquis humidis maxime pellucidum est Oleum, quia in se plurimum habet Aeris. This we see in Ice, which because of its mixture with Air is more transparent.  
2. Another reason is, because it is hot and full of spirits, as we see it will quickly take flame, which water will not; and therefore is it lighter, as we find, the same vessel weighs more filled with water then with oil.  
Although Oil being hot will sooner congeal than vinegar or water; yet that is not properly a freezing of Oil, but only a more ready condensation of it: for Oil being of itself a juice of a condensed substance, as it will be easily dissolved by a tepedity of Air, because of its own inward cooperating heat; so a little help of cold makes it return to his first original.   

LXV. L. 4. q. 21.  
Why men are sick at Sea, and not on Rivers.  
1. Plutarch attributes this to the smell of the Sea-waters, and to the fear of those that use not the Sea; for those that are usually upon the Sea will not vomit.  
2. It is probable upon experience, that it is from the Agitation and tossing of the Sea; and so it will fall out in the outlets of Rivers; because a circular and confused motion is most repugnant to man's natural motion which is erect and distinct; And therefore turning round also will turn a man's stomach; For the spirits being stirred, make the meat boil on the stomach, and so lift it up to disgorge itself.   

LXVI. L. 5. q. 4.  
In what tongue a Child kept by himself would speak▪  
Not in Hebrew, for deaf men speak not Hebrew; nor in any other language; But the tongue being for mutual commerce and intercourse; if a dozen were bred up together wihtout hearing any others, they would when they came to understanding make a Language of their own; and so in infinitum, so many more so many new Languages.   

LXVII. L. 5. q. 7.  
Why man on his Head is more hairy than other Creatures.  
1. The excrementitious part of food is in others spent in Teeth and Horns, as Arostotle saith, and in man it is necessary as in other things, that Pilosity should follow the moisture of the brain.  
2. Hair is Nature's Fringe and fence against Heat and Cold; and in man, because he goes upright, it is his cover, which in Beasts that are crooked is no more necessary then on the other parts.   

LXVIII. L. 5. q. 16.  
Whether is it worse to be blind or deaf.  
The blind have a great infelicity, being unapt for action, and exposed to the injuries of the world; besides the very seeing is delightful; and the sight, as Cardan, is Sensus nobilissimus, quòd procul magis, & plura, & exquisitiùs, & celeriùs, & sub pluribus differentiis decernit. But to be born deaf is certainly worse, for besides that with it they lose their tongue also, they can know nothing of God and goodness but by natural instinct and so are in the confines betwixt men and beasts. And the blind are but only debarred corporal actions, not intellectual; So that we see divers blind men Scholars, but none deaf:) yet the deaf and dumb man hath a late worthy Friend M. Bulwer, who laboureth, hopeth, and almost promiseth to make him hear by the Eye, and thence to speak also; a rare and noble attempt, and a miracle of Art; to which purpose Democritus hath seen cited the Title of the Spanish Author in M. Merick casaubon's Tract of Enthusiasm, and whether the work be in that learned man's custody he cannot say.)   

LXIX. L. 5. q. 17.  
Why Man doth not see in the night as well as some other creatures.  
Because the eye of man is black, and so is darkness: and therefore the Organ and object confounding the fancy, it cannot apprehend because it must gather by diversity: And therefore those that have white Eyes will be sooner snowblinde, and can see better than others in the night; and Cats and Owls eyes are yellowish and resemble the light, and therefore they see better in the dark. The reason why an Eagle can look upon the Sun (if she do so) must be because the Sun is an object too violent for us; but the spirits of the Eagle are more intense and united, having but only a Crystalline humour, but perhaps it is her brows cover her eyes, so that she doth but seem to look upon it.   

LXX. L. 5. q. 25.  
Why Man and a Capon have the Gout.  
Because the Gout being a biting viscous humour, residing in the nerves; the soft and rich and lazy are generally troubled with it; and therefore a Capon not living abroad as other birds (but especially if he be cooped) and his complexion being like man's hot and moist, he will have the Gout; but so likewise will dogs that Ladies keep, and horses that stand in stables, The reason why women have not the Gout so much as men is, because their humonrs are more fluid and more easy to be discharged.   

LXXI. L. 5. q. 27.  
What creature is most like man.  
In respect of Figure the Ape (who though is not therefore, as our Author, called Simia quia similis, but à simo naso in quo nobis est dissimilis) But in respect of manners and community the Bee. For the Bee is a sociable creature, observing her times, living under cover, burying her dead, not without her Queen, & being multiplied, sending out her colonies and swarms for a new Plantation, etc. (And who so is in love with the sweet and cheap fruits of this industrious creature, may consult, besides our worthy M. Butler, the works of that public friend of men (and of Democritus also) M. Samuel Hartlib.   

LXXII. L. 5. q. 28.  
What Creature next to man, may be called the happiest.  
The Crow exceeds all, if we consider this earthly happiness to consist in long life and content. Her flesh is not desired for food, no Nets or Gins are set for her. She herself can feed upon any carrion (and no carrion will kill a Crow.) She never wants being omnivora; upon mountains, in the champain, on the sands she will find pasture; She cares not for heat, or cold, she will live in the Sun, in frost, in the snow, and if rain be coming, she will call for it. There is not a Bird more hardy, or careless, or bold, or cunning than she. (Therefore those that are discontented, that they have not their portion in this life, and fall to wishing themselves some a sheep, etc. may do wisely in their next thoughts to wish themselves a crow.)   

LXXIII. L, 5. q. 29.  
Which is the most cruel creature.  
Man; for Birds and Beasts of prey are but petry single Robbers, there are not among them Herds and Armies of Murderers. Other Creatures kill not except famished or provoked. Man will kill any other creature (this is granted him) but more, He will kill those of his own kind, not as Fishes out of necessity of food, or as other beasts in their own defence, but to satisfy his revenge, suspicion, Ambition; as they say, Cannibals feed upon man's flesh to please their palate; He will kill a woman which no other creature will do. He will kill his Domestiques, even Parents and Children, which no Creatures in flocks and companies offer to do.   

LXXIV. L. 5. q. 34.  
Why a Dog will turn round before he lie down, is not to stay for you till you fetch him a cushion, but to unite his heat; as he will also lie along when he is hot, and Serpents do the like; and as we in bed gather ourselves close in winter, and stretch ourselves out in summer; Why a dog will run up and down a Field, or by the banks of a River, is, because being a Creature inclined to coursing, he chooseth such fit places; and when he perceives he is for hunting, he will empty himself, and rub upon the ground, to quicken and make himself the more nimble and active: Why a Dog will rub Carrion with neck or head before he taste it is, because he would lighten the offensive smell, that he might make it his meat. This our Fancy and Understanding doth in the contemplation of horrid and filthy objects, wherein our lusts and longings do tempt, but our reason and Conscience check us.   

LXXV. L. 5. q. 44.  
Whether the life of Diogenes is to be commended or condemned.  
Alexander would have been Diogenes And these Cynics seem to reduce Nature to its primitive purity, without art or ornament, retired from the senses, contemning delights, and not distinguishing betwixt man and man.  
But man being a reasonable, sociable, and cleanly creature, to be beneficial to Parents, Children, Country, Friends, etc. and serviceable for the public good: It is not the part of a man but a Dog to bark at humanity and its offices, or rather the character of a Serpent the mortal enemy of mankind. Not to labour for any others by any burden or employment, and yet proudly to scorn all others; to live sordidly in rags, to let his hair and nails grow; to lie in his own dung under no cover but a Tub, to make no difference of meat raw or roasted, to eat lice and drink with his mouth at a ditch, to stink to himself and others, is rather the property of an hog, than a dog, which is far more cleanly.   

LXXVI. L. 6.  
Why Children contrary to old men abound in memory, and fail in their understanding.  
1. Because the matter of the brain in youth is more moist and tender, and so more apt and pliable to receive the impressions and phantasms of the imaginative part, on the other side in Age it it is dry, which dryness attenuates and subtilizeth the wit, but withal makes old men to fail in Memory.  
2. Besides the memory of young men is as a white pure paper untouched with Impressions, which makes it not so dull and confused with other Notions, as in old men.  
3. Further, youth applies its fancy to observe and to furnish itself with knowledge, and therefore imprints things with greater force.  
This is not intended of mere Children, whose memories are too fluid to retain, but of Children begun to collect, reason and discourse.   

LXXVII.  
Why understanding men use to falter in Reading or Writing.  
It is, because as the senses may be slow, so the Fancy is most quick in intelligent men, and therefore out of the curiosity and anxiety of coming to the sum and period of what they intent, they neglect circumstantials in reading, writing, or speaking, and therefore they read false, write and speak short, and by a multitude of Figures.   

LXXVIII.  
Why acute wits are not stayed and stable.  
1. Because of the vivacity and subtlety of their spirits, which is an enemy to settledness and gravity.  
2. Because of their curiosity in difficulties and novelties, which do not still occur.  
(These wits in Colleges they say have a Worm, perhaps from that phrase in Seneca,— cerebri aestuantis verminationes. And it is true, that Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae, There is no witwithout a worm, but when this worm is fed, and grows as big as an Eel or a Conger, than it makes an Heteroclite, an extravagant Capriccio, and an affectator, who is an extraordinary man in ordinary matters.)   

LXXIX.  
Why men are the wisest creatures.  
Not because they have the least heads, as Aristotle saith, which is false, 1. In itself, for proportionably to the rest of the parts man hath the greatest head, and 2. in the reason, for the greatest brains have the greatest wits; and therefore dogs and horses, and Elephants, which have greater brains, are the more docile and intelligent. But it is  
1. In respect of the whole temperature of the body, which is far more exact in him then in other creatures.  
2. In respect of the particular temper of his brain, which consists in cold and dry, whence is the goodness and subtlety of discursive spirits.  
3. In respect of the Quantity of the Brain, which proportionably exceeding all other creatures leaves more room for the soul wherein to exercise its operations (and therefore he made but a fallacy who argued, that great heads had the less wit, because Omne majus continet in se minus, for he spoke not ad idem.)  
4. In respect of the Perieranium, which being but thin and little, doth not oppress and blunt the more subtle and spirited parts with gross and superfluous matter.   

LXXX.  
Why wisdom in youth is odious.  
1. Because wisdom being the pretogative of Age, and jests and toys all that is expected from youth; Precocity as in Joseph, is counted a presumption, to equal age, and outgo their fellows in youth.  
2. Because it is premature, preventing Nature's course, and being not digested and settled by experience, is rather to be called wit then wisdom. (It is indeed miraculous, and modesty makes it amiable, which graceth Gifts, and covereth infirmities. But in some places Mushrooms are accounted Dainties, and the Goslings carry the Geese to watering.)   

LXXXI.  
Why some men that can reason well are not for practise.  
1. The reason in Politics is, because men can spy out with ease what will be found hard to be put in execntion, the reason of such pretenders and promisers consists in Ideas, Chimeras, curiosities and impossibilities, not aimed at and unfit for action, and by the pomp of their words they would set out themselves by slieghting the most difficult and desperate erterprises.  
2. In Ethics, vicious persons talk Stoically of virtue, as it is in his excellency and exaltation; without reflecting upon themselves or relation to practice; but only to please themselves and others with the reputation and opinion of goodness.   

LXXXII.  
Why learned men are more timorous than the ignorant.  
1. Because of the abundance of heat and blood in the simpler sort, which makes them more bold, and is wanting in the temper of wisemen.  
2. Because the Learned live a sedentary life, far from dangers, wherein custom doth harden the other.  
3. Because wise men are quick to foresee, and advised to consider the greatness of a danger; whereas they who know them not, esteem them not, and so are more daring.  
4. Because they duly esteem the value of their life, not to be cast away upon trifles, but reserved for a sacrifice. And whereas some hold it an argument of a generous and valiant mind to contemn a man's life; the wise man thinks, that he that cares not for his life deserves it not; For life being the best natural thing, none will despise it but a solemn fool, and they must confess it little worth which they care not to lose, and therefore Aristippus said well, being taxed for timerousness in a storm, that there was odds betwixt his life and the Boatmen.   

LXXXIII.  
Why mean men coming to Dignities and Preferments use to be prouder and less courteous than Noblemen or Gentlemen.  
It is true generally to a Proverb, that Honours mutant mores, and among many other there is a remarkable Story of the Son of Fabius being made Consul, who seeing his Father coming over the way sent him word, he must now honour him as Consul, and forget himself to be his Father. And this comes to pass from the baseness of such men's minds, who remembering that in their meaner fortunes they handling others respectively were nevertheless neglected, they are now afraid the same should fall out; and therefore to tame their acquaintance, they must let them know they must not build upon their ancient familiarity. And so they use them homely, give them a cold salute, make as if they did not know them, look sour, talk little and gravely, call them Goodman when they should Sir, make them stay at their Portals, etc. And to their own servants and Inferiors, they look angrily, outbrave and rate them, that all men may know they are no small Fools. But noble persons knowing they are such, and deserve respect, if not otherwise, yet for their Nobility, which is a desert of their Predecessors, deal more courteously; not so much to gain the good liking of others; but as knowing they deserve not to be vilified in the memory of any thing past, so they fear not they shall be so used for the future.   

LXXXIIII.  
Why men in love are inclined to Poetry.  
1. Because love doth mollify rough and fierce spirits, as fire doth iron: and therefore it may well make your soft, jocund and sparkling youths to be chanting.  
2. It seems to be a natural instinct, as we see in birds, when they are to breed fall a singing. And as the ancient rude times to express Heroical and divine matters began in Poesy, so the lover to set out his his love, as he conceius her, above the condition of Mortals▪ runs to this natural old form by verse and lovesongs.  
3. Because the lover adorning and imbellishing his beloved with rings, jewels and bracelets, would adorn his conceits likewise with number, harmony, and mirth.  
4. Amorous passions excite men more; and therefore dispose men also to dance though they have no art.  
5. Because both love and Poetry are kinds of fury; and come from or send up hot spirits to the brain: and therefore also men a little mad or drunk will rhyme without study.   

LXXXV.  
Why Fables delight us, although we know they have no truth in them.  
Fables delight us, not as false, but as strange and like to truth, And so children love Fables more than men, because they apprehend them as true, and men love pictures and statues more than children, because they apprehend them as rare and artificial. For 1. out of curiosity our mind longs after rarities and novelties. And 2. the mere resemblance of truth doth abuse and force our fancy and understanding; insomuch as we love imitations also better than realities, as of the gruntling of an Hog, and of grief and anger in players, which are ungrateful when they are natural.   

LXXXVI.  
Why honour being above riches, defamations are not so capital as damages.  
1. Aristotle saith, it is because there is a more natural impetuousness and precipitancy in the tongue, and more difficulty to bridle it, than to keep the hands from stealing which comes of choice and deliberation: but if so, those defamations which are advised and resolved should have a capital punishment.  
2. Because an injury in words is easy to be retorted, and if a man do not retort it, it is presumed he counts it no injury.  
3. He that abuseth another in language, is provoked by some at least seeming occasion: but the thief hath no provocation but from himself.  
4. Although honour be more noble, yet a man may live without it; but without means a man cannot subsist in this world.  
5. A man's honour may be recovered by submissions, recantations, or fines; and for those real dishonours of incests, adulteries, etc. which are irrecoverable, they are capital. But stolen goods are so oft imbesled as there is no hope of restitution.  
6. Thefts and robberies bring more damage to the public: and the errors of the tongue are so easily committed, that lawgivers would not punish them with rigour.   

LXXXVII.  
Whether in learning the Ancients exceeded the modern.  
1. All beginnings are far from perfection; and are advanced and improved by experience and industry. But this holds not here; for learning and arts go not by a continued series and succession, but sometimes increase and dilate themselves per saltum, sometimes fail in an instant. Sometimes they are increased by warlike and flourishing Nations. Crescit enim cum amplitudine rerum vis ing●nii. Great rewards are to be found in a great state, which brings in a confluence of great wits: and so both in Greece and Rome Arts and Arms flourished both together, sometimes learning falls into the hands of barbarous and blockish Nations, which by wars and incursions extinguish it; as it happened to Italy in the decrepit-age of the Roman Empire overrun by the Goths and Vandals.  
2. It may be said in favour of the modern, that it is vitio malignitatis humanae, quod vetera in laude, praesentia in fastidio sint. Whether it be out of envy and emulation of competitors, which death for ancients hath overcome; or out of some natural instinct, we have to admire things Ancient (as we do in statues, coins, and relics, buildings and nobility;) or whether it is our daintiness to prise those things we have not seen before those that are ordinarily presented unto us (and so likewise we admire strangers more than our own Countrymen) because we look upon things present with the imperfections they have, or such as Envy puts upon them; but in things ancient and distant their merits are aggravated, but their failings are concealed.  
This argument our Author prosecutes through a whole tenth book, by instance and comparison of ancient and modern learned men of all sorts, whereof he handles the severals in so many several Chapters, and gives mostly the precedency to the modern.   

LXXXVIII.  
But Manum de Tabula. Here is an enough for an example and a taste, and to make the Scholar rise with an appetite to the Author. And Democritus could produce much more out of that Authors Treasury, and some grains of his own he hath to add to the heap, if that were now his business. He now only shows how a Scholar looks upon these ordinary things with no ordinary eye; but withal searcheth either into the Truth of them; or the Cause, or the Use of them, yet before Democritus can get away from Scholars (as when he meets with them he is loath to depart) he knows they will be posing him concerning the subject he hath undertaken; and seeing this Tract consists of Apothegms and Proverbs, they will be trying his skill in the choice of them by an enquiry, whence it is that these come to have such virtue and value above other speeches. Wherefore let them put it to the question.   

LXXXIX.  
Why Apothegms do more move and affect others, then set and continued speeches.  
Democritus knowing them to be the most candid who are the most competent Judges (except in Critics and Grammarians) desires the Scholar here to pause, and to frame to himself an answer to this before he read further; and if he have forgot to do it in the former, yet hereafter to use to do it oftener in other Problems, Objections, or Doubts; He shall by this whet his own judgement the more, and censure others works the less, perhaps like them the better. Democritus saith not this to avoid an answer, but to make way for an equal acceptance; The Answer is ready. Only it must be remembered what was said in the Epistle, there are some special affections to some Apothegms more than other, as they are suitable to the Persons; and several appetites according to the several things amiable and discovered in the speech or speaker; and more or fewer approved according to the narrowness or capacity of Readers or Hearers; whereas the Scholar or Traveller, who is a Citizen of the world and the Orbs of whose mind are concentr que to the Universe, accepts the most of them that have any virtue in them. And those general virtues which set forth an Apophthegm either in the matter or form and frame of them, are such as these.  
1. The Plainness and Integrity, or (as it is called) Bluntness of speech; where men speak with their hearts, and not with their lips, and are ready to deliver truth however taken; or oppose those plausible insinuations by courtesies, flattery or dissimulation, for this upright downright dealing, hath love or reverence from most men, even from those that care not to practise it.  
2. Boldness and liberty, which hath the face of Integrity and plain-dealing, or sets a good face upon the speaker, the face of a victor and conqueror in a contestation: as one that is not awed by respect of persons, or not daunted by scorn and reprehensions, as a dog at a rating.  
3. A little more than boldness, Stoutness and Courage, Spirit and Metal manifested against more than verbal, against real terrors and menaces.  
4. Gentleness and Civility, in a courteous or fit proffer of a gift or counsel, in a modest casting back a commendation, in the respective blaming of a fault, or the fair evading of a pressing accusation, especially with recoil upon the first speaker, when the ball is handsomely bandied, taken and returned to the others hazard and prejudice.  
5. In most, the Wit or the Wisdom, the acuteness and clearness, or the weight and depth of the speech; when it argues the Speaker to see through a popular fallacy, when it is pointed to pierce the matter in hand, and like a wedge makes clear way in expressing knotty difficulties and objections.  
These are the things material, which are effectual and acceptable in an Apophthegm. Then next for the manner of the delivery, that which makes them the more delightful are,  
1. The trimming and face of good Language.  
2. The kindness of the mirth and pleasantness.  
3. The Brevity and conciseness, bringing things to an issue, delivering much in a little, discovering a man by a word, as a Picture in a Tablet.  
4. The Readiness and quickness of the delivery, for to make such as these shows a wit at will, as we call it: a present wit, which slips not the first and fittest opportunities of speech.  
5. The rarity and unexpectedness of the speeches, when they prevent and exceed expectation, and like goads awaken and stir up attention, as sudden and strange stops or changes in music make it the sweeter.   

XC.  
Concerning Proverbs, they are generally magnified as the vulgar Rhetoric and Philosophy▪ neither doth the Scholar despise them because common, for though the common people use them most, yet they proceeded at first from the mouths of men in esteem for wisdom and learning. And because the Scholar as yet hath not had his share of these, here are some few sorted according to the o●●er whereby their Virtues may be manifest. Of these some are Proverbial rather then Proverbs, and perhaps properly only deserve the Name, all the rest being but the published sayings and sentences of witty men. Such of many are these.  

A Friend at a sneeze 
(the most thou canst get of him is, God help thee.)  Friar's Charity 
(to convey you as far as the door.)  He eats leaves and voids silk 
(all things thrive with him.)  He may piss in bed, and say he sweat, 
(his name is up.)  Do good to yourselves, 
(the Italian beggars word.)  To go where the King cannot send an Ambassador 
(to stool.)     

XCI.  
These Proverbs or Sentences are valuable by the choice and use of them in the Scholars hands. And he considers them either in consort or single: In consort, and so either in their conjunction or opposition: In conjunction with others of their kind, and in order, of which there is a specimen or two elsewhere; and this for a stock and furniture of wisdom and goodness: for Solomon's wisdom had not been so great, unless it had been like the sand of the Sea, small in its portions and parcels, and therefore so great in the whole mass and bulk.   

XCII.  
But the Scholar doth more, and placeth within the same view those sentences or sayings that seem to oppose or cross one another, such as these,  

Qui fugit Legem, fatetur Facinus.  
Legem veretur Nocens, Fortunam  
Innocens.  
Ecquis Innocens esse potest, si accusâsse sat est?  
Si inficiari sufficiat, ecquis erit nocens?  
Nemo tam senex, qui non possit annum vivere.  
Nemo tam juvenis, qui non possit hodie mori.  
Ars longa, vita brevis.  
Non exiguum tempus habemus, sed multum perdimus.  
Rationale non est substantiam perdere propter Accidentia.  
Nec propter vitam vivendi perdere causas.  
Aliquae sunt injustè facienda, ut multa justè fieri possunt.  
Authorem praesentis justitiae habes, sponsorem futurae non habes.  
Aliud est, Bonum virum esse; aliud bonum esse civem.   
Sed quid fiet de Cive bono, cum Cacodaemones malum virum ad Inferos abripuerunt?  

Vnus vir, nullus vir.  
Vnus multorum instar.  
Must non uni fidit antro.  
Multa novit vulpes, Echinus unum magnum.  
Plus vident Oculi, quam Oculus.  
He that hath but one eye sees the better for it.  
One Flower makes no Garland.  
One grain fills not the sack, but helps his fellows.  
I got it but now, and to lose it so quickly▪ Again▪  
I have kept it thus long, and now to lose it.   
Sidiu illud habuisti, perdis antequam satiat uses▪ si non diu, perdis antequam assuescas.  

Little pot soon hot.  
Soon hot soon cold.  
The first blow is as much as two,  
The second blow makes the fray.  
Charity begins at home,  
But it doth not end at home.   
And of such Sentences, which may seem to cross, but do indeed set one another right, the Scholar finds many in his walks, some occasionally scattered, as in Seneca's Tragedies frequently, others purposely prosecuted, as in Posidippus and Metredorus old Epigrams of man's life, and in some late ingenious Essays of Marriage, Platonic love, etc. but he hath a great example of them in the Antitheta of that great Advancer of Learning. And Democritus quamvis non passibus aequis, hath gone the same way, and hath some store of these. And he thinks the Scholar, if he have not already, will find it a way of good use and benefit; not for Grammatical improper exercises of Declamations, nor for flashy and Rhetorical uses for ostentation, as the old Orators and some late Lawyers, to show a sceptical faculty of discoursing on both sides: nor much less for any wicked use (though things of the strongest virtues or spirits are capable of the greatest both use and abuse, and edge tools are not to be committed to Children or mad men) not to engross what is favourable to ourselves, and throw what is odious upon others; nor for a deceitful politic veil to dissimulation, which of all evils the Scholar abhors, being true to himself and to others▪ But for a more wholesome Philosophical, yea Divine use, to establish, settle, and determine truth and goodness; as Democritus hath seen some excellent Divines▪ out of this furniture mainly to have done. For as Bonum est ex integra causa, so Verum est ex conspectis Circumstantiis: and as Non est Bonum, quod non est Rationabiliter bonum; So Nile tam certum, quam quod ex Dubio certum.   

XCIII.  
In single Proverbs those challenge the first place which are akin to those former in stating and casing; and such commonly are sentences which are bimembres and dilemmaticall, such are these which follow,  

He that speaks sows, and he that holds his peace gathers.  
If the brain sow not corn, it plants Thistles.  
He who talks fopperies, either he is a fool, or he to whom he tells them.   
Show a good man his error, he turns it to a virtue; but if to an ill, he doubles his fault.  
He who builds a house in the street, it is either too high or too low.  
Honour the good, that he may honour thee; and the bad, that he may not dishonour thee.   

XCIV.  
Next those Proverbs deserve notice, which are most comprehensive, and are as it were virtual Apothegms, which contain an express answer to an Objection suppressed and implied: and the words of emphasis which discover the Objection are underlined by the Scholar, or noted in a different character, as here.  
There were no ill language, if it were not ill taken.  
He that hath no ill Fortune is troubled with good.  
Set good against evil.  
A man's discontent is his worst evil.  
He that will sail without danger, must not sail on the Sea.  
Do what thou ought'st, and come what come can.  
Think of ease, but work on.  
It is more pains to do nothing then something.  
Of a little thing, a little displeaseth.  
Great engines turn on little pins.  
An hard man gives more than he that hath nothing.  
An upbraided morsel never choked a man.  
A fine morning never lasts a day.  
He that makes a thing too fine, breaks it.  
Good is good, but better carries it.  
Good cheap is dear (for it tempts a man to buy what he hath no need of)  
Justice pleaseth few in their own house.  
Love your Neighbour, yet pull not down your hedge.  
And of this sort are many in Mimis Publianis, and in Senecae excerptis, and in Petrarches work in imitation of him.   

XCIV.  
And not only these, but all such Proverbs of Caution as exceed, and therefore also must often cross vulgar conceit and observation; those that tax common opinions, and the usual unsound speeches as false asseverations, promises, excuses, etc. Here the honest Goldsmith sets a mark upon this false coin which he meets with, that it may not pass for current to the cheating of others.  

Once in a year a man may say, On my conscience.  
A man's own opinion is never in the wrong.  
The absent party is still faulty.  
He that saith sure is not certain, and yes, yes, is but half a yea.  
A certain man is one of whom you are not to be certified.  
There is a Remedy, for every thing could men find it.   
Were it not for the bone in the leg, all would turn Carpenters. (Si Nisi non esset, perfectum quidlibet esset.)  
He that would have what he hath not, should do what he doth not.  
If you would be at ease, all the world is not.  
He that will do thee a good turn will either be gone or die first.  
Better one Accipe, then twice to say Dabo tibi.  
The good Mother says not Will you, but giveth.  
Soon is late, and by and by is when he pleaseth that says so.  
One of these days is none of these days.  
He that says he cannot, means he will not.  
He hath no leisure, who useth it not.  
He that will consider of it takes time to deny you handsomely.  
He that does as well as he can, never does well.   

XCVI.  
And as those Proverbs are of worth which check Pseudodoxy's, so have they their grace which are so delivered as to seem Paradoxes, such as these.  
He that repairs not a part, builds all. (by letting it go to ruin.)  
Poor men die of surfeits, and rich men of hunger (for poor men at Feasts overeat themselves, and rich men in sickness are forbid necessaries.  
Who gives to all, denies all.  
Tie it well, and let it go. (Fast bind fast find.)  
Stay a while, that we may make an end the sooner.   

XCVII.  
A Proverb must have something in it more than an ordinary saying; Hyperboles and other Figures of Rhetoric are ordinary in it, sometimes it affects a little of the Riddle, and some are so Enigmatical, which except in their own Countries, will hardly be known without an Oedipus, as  
He that can make a Fire well can end a quarrel (both hard to be done, so as to please all.)  
A poor man's Cow dies, a rich man's Child.  
Diseases of the eye are to be cured by the Elbow, (not to be cured till you dress it with your Elbow.)  
A married man turns his staff into a stake, (His state is not ambulatory and at liberty, but fixed and settled.)   

XCVIII.  
Rhithmicall Proverbs, and such whose elegancy consists in Figuris Dictionis are uncapable of Translation, and are of the weakest sort; yet usual both in learned and vulgar languages; and some pleasure there is in the Music of the words, which if frequent will be counted but jingling and quibbling, But of all Figures, the Metaphor is the most ordinary, and that taken either from such things as are common and familiar to all men, or from those arts and employments which are common and known where such Proverbs have their birth and breeding: Yet because a similitude with one leg is but lame, and capable of a misapplication; therefore they are the more expressive and lively Proverbs, which have both the resemblance and the thing resembled briefly joined together, as  

Truth and Oil are ever above.  
Prayers and Provender never hinder journey.  
The Gown is his that wears it, and the world his that enjoys it.  
Play, women, and wine undo men laughing.  
Physician's faults are covered with earth, and rich men's with moneys.  
Water, Fire, and Soldiers quickly make room.  
Folly, Heresy, and Jealousy, are seldom cured.  
The Eye and Religion can bear no jesting.    

XCIX.  
Thus hath Democritus shown you the Virtues he observes in Apothegms and Proverbs, and the rather to show to others how the Scholar looks into these common things: and knowing the Art could for a need be the Authou▪ of an Apophthegm or a Proverb▪ and in this as in all his other studies it is his great desire to leave every thing better than he finds it. He knows every man hath his humour, and Demacritus his; and as he hath approved these virtues, so he dislikes not many, whereof he cannot give account wherein their virtue lies: But as the Scholar will be ready to tell him, so is he as ready to tell them his weakness: as at present Democritus is taken with the humour of a sort of plain and vulgar Proverbs, and knows not why: He knows they have virtue in them, they are irrefragable and undeniable, they stop reply, they are granted as soon as spoken: they please, they convince, they gain more than they speak for, and they are such as these.  
He that riseth first is first dressed.  
He that makes his bed ill, lies there.  
Who hath bitter in his mouth, spits not all sweet.  
Fair Language grates not the tongue.  
In every country dogs bite.  
More are threatened then hurt.  
In an hundred els of contention there is not an inch of love.  
A piece of a Churchyard fits every body.  
If every one mend one, all shall be mended.  
All flesh is not Venison.  
All is not Butter the Cow le's fall.  
There came nothing out of the Sack, but what was there.  
A woman conceals what she knows not.  
Foul water will quench fire. (Lust.)  
In every Country the Sun riseth in the morning.  
Better half a Loaf than no bread.  
As long liveth a merry man as a sad.   

C.  
And seeing it is so, that sadness doth not prolong life more than mirth: the Scholar whose life is precious hath his Recreations, and long may the Fruit-Tree stand which is long a growing but when it is grown bears the most fruir, and the most wholesome and pleasant fruit: the Scholar therefore after sadness and dullness contracted by the bent and assiduity in serious studies hath his Relaxations, Nec semper arcum tendit Apollo. He hath either his Musical or Mathematical Recreations, History or Poetry, his Walks in Summer, and his Noctes Atticae in Winter; And in the perusal of these Proverbs, and selecting and ordering of them to his readiest use, he sets aside in a corner the Jocosa, to sport himself with in his vacations: such these are to Democritus.  
Be not a Baker if your head be of Butter.  
He that hath a head of Wax must not walk in the Sun.  
When a Knave is in a Plum-Tree, he hath neither Friend nor kin.  
When one is on horseback, he knows all things.  
He is mine Uncle that wisheth me well.  
He is my Neighbour, that grinds at my Mill.  
Here is a talk of the Turk, and of the Pope, but my next Neighbour does me more harm then either of them both.  
A fair Hostess makes a fowl Reckoning.  
Ask mine Host, if he have good wine.  
Three can hold their peace if two be away.  
He that tells his wife News is but newly married.   

That as she did think herself too mean to be his Wife, so she did think herself too good to be his harlot. K. James would say, There is no difference between common lovers and common whores; they both flatter, and make the name of love their Bawd to serve their lusts. And Socrates used to say, that wand'ring Lovers are like wand'ring Beggars, ever in want and begging; but friends and Husbands were like settled Housekeepers, who have house and ground of their own, which they study every day to make better.   

XXIII.  
Another married woman being solicited by one, who pretended such love, made him this answer, While I was a maid I was under my Father's power, and now I am a Wife I am subject to my Husband, wherefore you may do well first o go speak with him, and know what he would have me to do.   

XXIV.  
A certain Nobleman sent a Painter to the house of a beautiful woman, in her Husband's absence, to draw her picture. In the mean time the Husband comes in, and finding the Painter at this work, sends him packing, with these words, It may be that this Noblem in, after he hath got the Copy, may have a mind to the Original.   

XXV.  
Katherine Wife to Charles Brandon Duke of Suffolk, when her Husband at a Feast willed every Lady to take to sit by her him that she loved best, provided he were not her Husband, She took Stephen Gardiner Bishop of Winchester, saying, Seeing she might not have him whom she loved best, she would take him whom she loved worst.   

XXVI.  
Henry the sixth having in Christmas a show of young women with their bare breasts presented before him, he immediately departed with these words, Fie, Fie, for shame, forsooth you be too blame. If this King had seen such in the common streets, he had taken them for common creatures, that set out signs to call in passengers.   

XXVII.  
King James used to say, ' I wonder not so much that women paint themselves▪ as that when they are painted men can love them. For the reason why they paint or patch is notorious to a Proverb, ' They who whi'ten their house mean to let it. And she that useth these Arts either is a whore or would be one, or will be thought to be one.  
Demosthenes' sailed to Corinth, upon the report of the famous and dear strumpet Lais (who was so high in her demands, as it is thought by some gave occasion to the Proverb▪ Adire Corinthum non cui libet licet.) She required of him a thousand Crowns for a night; but he frighted with the price returned back, saying, I will not buy Repentance so dear.   

XXIX.  
There being discourse about Joseph and Potiphars wife before K. Henry the seventh, the King said to his Almoner, Now M▪ Mao you are a proper man and a Doctor, what would you have done if you had been in joseph's place? In troth (saith he) I cannot tell what I would have done, but I can tell you what I should have done, as Joseph did▪ fly, for Fugere est fugare, and not hearken to her to be with her, for Garrisons when they come to parley are near a surrender.   

XXX.  
One married a woman, who within a few months was delivered of a child, whereupon some saying That child came a little too soon, No, said another, but the marriage was a little too late: There is a saying, Marry your daughters betimes, lest they marry themselves, and perhaps mar themselves in the marrying.   

XXXI.  
One in the Eastern parts of France married a Wife who within a month brought him forth a child. The Husband hereupon makes haste to the next market town, and buys as many Cradles as would fill a Cart. And being come home, and asked by his Neighbours what he would do with so many Cradles? O, saith he, I have need of them all, and if my Wife be as fruitful as she begins, these will not be enough.   

XXXII.  
There was in Sienna a rich Citizen, who married a woman famous for beauty, Marry of Ravenna by name. Her husband being jealous of her, as she was one day holding her only child in her Arms, he fastened his eyes upon the child and her, and with a deep sigh said unto her, I Would give half my goods to be as sure as you are, whether this child be mine own. The woman without change of colour answers him, that he should not need to be at so great charge to know, but if he would give her a thousand ducats only, she would assure him of it before witness, that there should be no doubt of it. He agrees▪ appoints a feast, calls his kindred and friends, and in the presence of them all relates the business and bargain between him and his Wife. Then the Wife takes the child in her arms, and smiling saith to him, Husband you will not deny this child to be mine? No surely, said he, but what then? Well then, saith she, drawing near to him, Do you take the Child, I give him to you, and now no body can deny him to be yours. The company laughed to see the woman's conceit, and the fruitless searches of jealousy. This story Petrarch relates to a friend of his afflicted with this malady, telling him, that if he trust not his Wife, he must have Mary of Ravenna to show him who are his own children.   

XXXIII.  
It is reported of one, that to give his Wife Physic for prevention, he beat her black and blue the first day of their marriage; And when her Parents and Friends came about him and asked, What she had done that he used her so, Nothing, said he, they wondering the more, and looking on one another, he goes on, and says, Seeing I have beaten her thus without cause, consider how I will handle her if she shall give me cause. This man sure came out of that Country, where women do not think their Husbands, love them, unless they do beat them.   

XXXIV.  
Democritus hath found a better way than this. There was a woman troublesome In her tongue, and her husband's kindness could work no good upon her. Once when she was chiding, he made as if he heard her not, nor took any notice of her, but took a Pipe he had of loud music, and began to play to her a Lesson, which drowning her voice she fell a raging, first calling him all to nought, then dancing about him, and snatching at the Pipe, and at last running out of doors, and crying for help, that there was no enduring of such a drunken fool as she had, but he held on piping till the storm was over. The next day she begins with her usual language, and he to his pipe again. Whereupon the woman being overcome became quiet at last, and promised she would prove a most obedient Wife, if he would leave off that pipe. Some give it for tried, that whistling or laughing hath the like virtue, but Democritus thinks both may be necessary, but either or both to be better than the Cudgel, which some add to the Pipe, as needful sometimes.   

XXXV.  
Alphonsus' King of Arragon would use to say, that to have a quiet house at home, the husband must be deaf, and the Wife must be blind, the husband must not hearken to every rash word, and the wife must not take notice of every thing she dislikes, for discreet women (and so men too) have neither eyes nor ears, neither to disturb the house, for he (or she) that troubles his own house, shall inherit the wind, shall get nothing but a bad Name by it.   

XXXVI.  
A Guest coming to lodge with a Citizen was much troubled with the clamours of a brawling woman, so that he was thinking of changing his lodging, and went to the man of the house to take his leave; the good man argues with him, What a man are you that cannot endure my Wives conditions for two or three days, and I have born them patiently these twenty years and more? If a man have a Xantippe, he must be Socrates, who said, that his Wives chiding was like the jarring of a Coach-Wheel, troublesome at first hearing, but he was used to it, and took no notice of it.   

XXXVII.  
Sir Thomas Moor was an excellent man in his times, yet had married a wasp. He, as he was not ambitious, had neglected a great place which was offered him; at which his Wife being offended fell in hand with him, and with such women's words asked him, why he would not put forth himself, but sit like a child making goslings in the ashes with a stick? If I were a man (says she) you should see what I would do, go forward with the best, as my Mother was used to say, It is ever better to rule then to be ruled; and I warrant you I would not be so foolish to be ruled where I might rule. By my truth Wife, (says Sir Thomas) I dare say you say truth, for I never found you willing to be ruled yet. One day when she came from shrift, she said merrily to him, Be merry, Sir Thomas, for this day was I well confessed I thank God, and purpose now to leave off all my old shrewdness; Yea said Sir Thomas) and to begin afresh: M. Cambden, whence this is transcribed, hath a note of this woman, which deserves notice, that as she was a good Huswife, so she was not void of the fault that often follows that virtue; and Democritus hereupon thinks the counsel of Cato fitter for men then for children, who are little wiser by that book, 
Vxoris linguam, si frugi est, far memento:  
Namque malum est, nil velle pati, nec posse tacere.   
Democritus thinks, that for a woman to talk is natural, for words are feminine, and deeds masculine, and he leaves it to anatomical enquiry, whether as their bodies are more tender, so their tongues also be not more musculous, pliable, and movable, seeing they are the first Grammarians and Doctors of Languages to all mankind.   

XXXVIII.  
King James saith, it hath the like operation to make women learned, as to make Foxes tame, which teacheth them only to steal more cunningly▪ And that the possibility is not equal, for where it doth one good it doth twenty harm. There is a late Poet which speaks feelingly to this purpose,  

At nolo doctam, nolo doctam foeminam,  
Turbas datura est docta, se virum geret;  
In coelo unica est, & unica haec hastam gerit.  
I will not, I will not a learned Wife;  
She will play the man, she will stir up strife:  
There is but one in the Heavens, whose name is Pallas;  
And that one she hath a spear in her hand; Alas!    

XXXIX.  
A merry Fellow said of a Widow of great wealth married to a Gentleman of a great house, That that marriage was like a black Pudding, the one brought blood, and the other brought suet and Oatmeal. It was the Lord Burleighs advice to his Son, not to marry without a portion, because a man can buy nothing in the market without money. But Democritus is more of their mind, who like Bargains of any cattle but women, who thinks the fittest and the best bred to have the best Portions, and that a great Dowry is a bed full of brabbles. And we shall not care for these Pudding matches, if we think seriously of that other advice of the same Lord, that in a wife as in a stratagem of war, a man cannot err twice, and to err but once is to be undone for ever.   

XL.  
When upon a match there was talk of the Bride, on saying, she was so many years old, another assuring it, she was much elder; why, said one of the company, The more years, the better the portion, because it will come in the sooner, Omnis anus locuples dives erit tumulus.   

XLI.  
Cicexo was at dinner, where Fabia Dolabella speaking of her years, said, She was but thirty years old. One that sat by Cicero whispered to him, She talks of thirty, and she is far more out of question; Cicero answered him again, I must believe her, for I have heard her say so any time these twenty years.   

XLII.  
There was a noble Matron among the Romans, that being importuned to a second marriage, answered, My Servius (for that was her Husband's Name) although he be dead to others, yet he is still living to me.   

XLIII.  
There were two Knights suitors to a noble Virgin, the one very young, the other ancient. The young man in the maid's presence thinking to give a touch to the elderly man▪ asked him, What age he was of? the other answered, I know not the just number of the years of my age, but this I know that an ass of twenty years old is far elder than a man at threescore.   

XLIV.  
Cicero being now grown old was chid the day before his wedding, by one of his friends, that being a man of threescore, he would marry a young girl; Stay but a while, sa d Cicero, for she will be a woman to morrow. The Lord Verulam saith, that wi●es are young men's Mistresses, middle men's Companions, and old men's Nurses, so that a man may have a quarrel to marry when he will, but he adds to this speech of his an advice from one of the Ancients as wise counsel, who being asked what time was the fittest for men to marry, answered, Young men not too soon (other men not too late) and old men not at all.   

XLV.  
Common sayings most foreign, of wit and wisdom, concerning house and home.  
1. God keep me from four houses, an Usurers, a Tavern, a spital, and a Prison.  
2. Choose not an house near an Inn (for noise,) or in a corner (for filth.)  
3. A Mountain and a River are good Neighbours.  
4. The way is a bad▪ Neighbour.  
5. The house is a fine house, where good folks are within, (otherwise Mock mouse-hall, or Mock Beggars-hall.)  
6. Silks and Satins put out the fire in the chimney.  
7. Noble Housekeepers need no doors.  
8. In a good house all is quickly ready  
9 My house, my house, though thou art small, Thou art to me the Escurial.  
10. The bird loves her nest.  
11. I had rather eat dry bread at home then roast meat abroad.  
12. I had rather ask of my Sire brown bread, then borrow of my Neighbour white.  
13. A woman and a house suit excellently.  
14. A woman is the key of the house.  
15. He that hath wife and children wants not business.  
16. An house well furnished makes a woman wise.  
17. A Ship and a woman are ever repairing.  
18. The more women look in their glass, the less they look to their house.  
19 That is the best gown which goes up and down the house.  
20. When prayers are done, my Lady is ready. (for her dinner.)  
21. The body is more dressed than the soul.  
22. Fine dressing is a foul house swept before the door.  
23. He who lets his wife go to every Feast, and his horse drink at every water, shall neither have good wife nor good horse.  
Women and Cats to stay at home; Men and dogs to go abroad.  
24. Women and hens are lost by gadding.  
25. Gossips like frogs do drink and talk.  
26. Three women make a Market. (some add a goose.)  
27. Women laugh when they can, and weep when they will.  
28. Advise none to marry, or to go to war.  
29. In choosing a Wife and buying a sword, we ought not to trust another.  
30. Dally not with money or women.  
They who marry where they do not love, will love where they do not marry.  
31. Never was strumpet fair.  
32. A fair Wife and a frontier Castle breed quarrels.  
33 A fair woman and a pinked garment is ever meeting with some tenter-hook.  
34 A woman and a glass are ever in danger.  
35 He that hath a fair wife, she is not all his own.  
36 He that chooseth for beauty, his Wife seems fair to him for half a year, and thou she seems fair to others.  
37 Fair is not fair but that which pleaseth.  
38 He that marries for wealth sells his liberty.  
39 As many kinsmen to a rich wife, so many Masters (and one more.)  
40 Unlucky is the house where the hen crows.  
41 In the Husband wisdom, in the wife gentleness.  
42 He that marries afar off, either would cheat, or will be cheated.  
43 Marry a widow before she leave mourning.  
44 He that brings into his house a stepmother and two children, brings three thiefs.  
45 He that marries late, marries ill.  
46 The Offspring of those that are very young or very old is not lasting.  
47 A man lives anew as oft as he hath children, and dies as oft as he loseth them.  
48 No love to a Fathers.  
49 Love like waters run swiftest downwards.  
50 One Father is enough to maintain an hundred sons, but not a hundred sons one Father.  
51 He that hath but one son, he comes often in his mind.  
52 He that hath one Hog makes him fat, and he that hath one Son makes him a Fool.  
53 The first service a child doth to his Father is to make him foolish.  
54 Children when they are little, make their Parents Fools, but when they are great, they do make them mad.  
55 He that wipes the child's Nose, kisseth the Mother's cheek.  
56 He that loves the Tree, loves the branch.  
57 Three things are ill handled, Wine in the hand of a Dutchman, a Bird in the hand of a child, and a child in the hand of a Grand father.  
58 He that cockers his child, provides for his enemy.  
59 A pitiful Mother makes a scald head.  
60 Better children weep then men.  
61 A kick of the dam hurts not the colt.  
62 Learn weeping, and thou shalt laugh gaining.  
63 She that is born handsome is born married.  
64 A poor beauty finds more suitors than husbands.  
65 Marry your Son when you will, your daughter when you can.  
66 He that marries his daughter well, hath got a Son; He that marries her ill, hath lost a daughter.  
67 Virtue and a trade are the best Portions.  
68 God, Parents, and our Master can never be requited.  
69 In a Trade a man rests on himself, in a service upon another. And better is one foot then two Crutches.  
70 He that is a servant must serve.  
71 He commands enough that obeys a wise man.  
72 He that serves well need not ask his wages.  
73 Serve a noble disposition, the time will come that he will requite thee.  
74 A good service is a great enchantment.  
75 Service without reward is punishment.  
76 He can give little to his servant that licks his knife.  
77 He that hath no more than needs must not keep a dog.  
78 An Ass will endure his burden, but no more than his burden.  
79 A sleepy Master makes his servant a Lout.  
80 What can the Cat help it, if the maid be a fool? (set things in her way.)  
81 Woe to the house, where there is no chiding.  
82 A gentle Huswife mars the Household.  
83 When God is Master of the house, he disorders the disorderly.  
84 To let children or servants do what they will, is neither the way to make them good, nor any piece of goodness.  
85 Choose none for thy Servant that must be entreated to serve thee.  
86 Choose none to serve thee that hath served thy betters.  
87 A Kinsman or a Friend will look for more, and do less than a Servant.  
88 At dinner my man appears.  
89 Thy Master is thy steward and thy Caterer.  
90 Every one is Master and Servant.  
91 He that hath one Servant hath two, he that hath two hath but half an one, and he that hath three hath none at all.   

XLVI.  
Democritus is now to walk from home with his Franciscan Hackney in his hand, and being abroad he is to take as he finds every one in his humour: some bragging and boasting of themselves, others apish and affecting to imitate others; some quarrelling and some fight; some detracting and accusing, others as much flattering and commending; Some ignorant and simple, others too curious and meddling; some begging and some challenging; some not telling truth, some speaking too much, and some talking all; some disfigured in their apparel and gestures, and others in their body and limbs, etc. And as he thus meets with men in their several habits, he is to suit his conversation and behaviour, upon such conceits as these.   

XLVII.  
Demonax bragging that he was the first and only man in such an Invention: Agathocles said to him, If you are the first, you cannot be the only man, and if you are the only man, you are not the first man.   

XLVIII.  
One Beltram Poggius to appear, as indeed he was, a Scholar, maintained in argument a grand Paradox; and when he had done, he says to the company, Now what think you of me? am not I a Philosopher? One of them answered, I should have thought so, if yourself had not said it.   

XLIX.  
In a Banquet, where a foreign Ambassador had invited the seven wise men of Greece, he desired them, that every of them would deliver some sentence, that he might report to his Master the wisdom of the Grecians, which they did, only one was silent, the Ambassador said to him, Sir, Let it not displease you to add somewhat that I may report, He answered, Report to your Lord, that there are of the Grecians that can hold their peace.   

L.  
Plato entertaining some friends had a bed (or Table) neatly and well furnished. Diogenes coming in gets upon the bed and tramples upon it, and said, I trample upon the pride of Plato▪ Plato answers mildly, yea, but with more pride.   

LI.  
Diogenes one rainy morning came into the Marketplace as wet as a drowned Rat, and there he stood to make show how much he could suffer, the people flocked about him pitying him; but Plato coming that way said to the people as he went by. If you pity him indeed leave him alone. Another time in a great frost he came again, clasping a brazen Statue. One of the company asked him, Dost thou not feel it cold? No, said Diogenes, Why then, said the other, what great matter is it? stay there till thou dost, and then come away.   

LII.  
One in Florence, who loved an uppermost seat, would needs be Chairman; and there coming before him three important cases then in agitation; To the first he said, He did not well understand it: To the second, He referred himself to that which others had said of the Point. And to the third, That he stood indifferent between this and the other party; A man fit to govern a Commonwealth, that can at once both show and conceal his wisdom.   

LIII.  
One that followed the Court, but bred in the College of Worms, met another as he came forth of the Court, and asked him, What talks there were of himself in the Court? the man answered, that he had heard nothing of him neither good nor bad. No, said the Courtier, and up with his cane, and gave him some blows, and withal put his hand in his pocket, and bestowed on him fifty ducats. And now, saith he, thou art going to Court, thou hast something to say of me, both good and bad. O the wit of man!   

LIV.  
There was one that being to write to Cardinal Pool concerning the death of a Friend of his, did add of his own head a great many reasons, as he thought them, to comfort him: the Cardinal having read the Letter gave it away saying, Truly this is a comfortable Letter, which no body can read without laughing.   

LV.  
It is the manner of some men, after another's speech, to nod and wag their heads, which being the custom of such as affect gravity, a Gentleman would say of it, That it was, as men did shake a bottle, to see if there were any wit in their heads or no▪   

LVI.  
Demoeritus heard his Fellow-Traveller (who by his Language talked as if he had been a Schoolmaster) say once of those servile Imitators of men of great worth, that it was as Apes do imitate men, in their mops and mows and not in their manliness; in their singularities and not in their sufficiencies; in their Heteroclites and not in their Propria quae maribus.   

LVII.  
A Cousin and Name-fake of Democritus, observing the imitation of the French in their toyish Modes and antic postures, burst forth into admiration and exclamation, in these rare Rhythmicall Verses, which (out of respect though those who otherwise worthy may be infected with this vanity) shall not be prostituted by a translation to a Vulgar eye, but are commended to those persons of curiosity in their native stamp.  

O Ala-modistae, Quid mos vult ludicrus iste?  
Cum Cattis quorsum Vobis tam flexile dorsum?  
Curvati an lumbos Tentatis mittere bombos?  
Cur digitum primum Ad fundum demittit is imum?  
Cernere num stramen, Num res est tollere gramen?  
Cur nunc nodati, Nunc toti itis ligulati?  
Nunc curtis braccis, Nunc longis & malè laxis?  
Nune genibus latis, Muliebriter & tunicatis?  
Calceis nasutis, Nunc latis, nunc praeacut is?  
Vestem non▪ unam Formabis cingere Lunam.  
Gallonum mima Haec gens est & simia sima.  
Galli dic istas Plumato in vertice c istas.  
Caetera Capones, Vel dicas Papiliones.  
Este procul stulti Juvenes, ut foemina, culti.   
Those who have no gust to be constant to the Levity of this one Nation in point of garb, may have their appetite to fashions redintegrated by variety out of all Nations, from one of the works of an elegant and excellent late Author M. Bulwers Man transformed, or the Artificial changeling.   

LVIII.  
Demosthenes' being railed at by a mean fellow in public, though a sufficient Orator, yet held his peace, only turning to the people, I have now a case in hand, saith he, wherein if I shall overcome, I shall be overcome, and if I shall be overcome of him, I shall overcome him, which paradoxical speech is clear by this gloss: If I shall overcome, in words of reviling, I shall be overcome by my own passion and impatience; but if I shall be overcome and mastered in such language wherein he may be allowed to be too hard for me, I shall overcome him by my tacit neglect and contempt, and by defeating his main purpose to have it said that Demosthenes did contend with him. Vinco seu vincor, semper ego maculor.   

LIX.  
A bold Tradesman in Florence came before the great Duke Cosmus, complaining with many foul words, that the Family of the Medici's made no account of the Commonalty. Cosmus had then in his hand a silver box, which he laid aside upon a desk where one of his Followers stood, who thinking that the Duke meant he should take it and give that saucy fellow a knock on the pate with it, took it up, and was offering to strike, but Cosmus came in, and stopped his hand, saying, Let him alone, it will be said there was one fool among us, but if you should strike him, it would be reported there were two.   

LX.  
One that loved to be fight would say of himself, that he never had more gains than when he went to cuffs with Country fellows; For ever for one blow that he gave them he was sure to get two or three back again. Brabbling Curs never want sore ears; and as they that pride themselves in swimming are oftener drowned, so they that are conceited of their stoutness or fencing become commonly maimed or lamed, if not killed or hanged for killing.   

LXI.  
Consalvo a great Captain upon report of an affront or quarrel would say, The honour of a Soldier ought to be made of a good strong web, not so thin and fine that every disgrace should catch and rend it.   

LXII.  
One coming in to part a fray, got a great wound in his head, and the Surgeon being sent for went to search his skull whether his brains were hurt, That is to no purpose, said one that stood by, for if he had had any brains he had not meddled in other men's quarrels.   

LXIII.  
Socrates being once abused and kicked in the Marketplace took no notice of it, which some of the people seeing said to him, Do you see how that fellow abused you, Yes, said Socrates, but what then, If an ass kick me shall I kick again? The same Socrates, when another to try his patience gave him a box of the ear, said, This is a hard case that a man cannot tell when to come abroad with their helmets on their head, (sure Socrates thought they should never do it but in war.)   

LXIV.  
Demonax the Philosopher having reprehended a wrestler in the Olympic games for his gaudy clothes, the wrestler threw a stone at him, and wounded his head, that the blood gushed out apace. At which the people being angry wished him to complain, and they would go with him to the Proconsul, I think, said Demonax, you would do better to go with me to a Surgeon.   

LXV.  
One Trespades of Mantua when a sour fellow, for I know not what injury, had threatened him a beating, when he could meet with him handsomely, at last having met with him alone he paid him sound. And Trespades being well satisfied, said, I am glad this business is over, now I can go quietly up and down, for his anger is past, and my Fear.   

LXVI.  
A bitter fellow of Sienna having offended one with his ill tongue, got a grievous gash over his face for an answer (for he that sirikes with the tongue must ward with his head.) The Surgeon being sent for comforted him and said, He made no doubt but to cure his face perfectly without any scar, O do not so, said the Fellow, for he that beat me threatened to give me a mark to know me by, and if he see me without one, he will beat me again.   

LXVII.  
Of troublesome and quarrelsome persons these sayings go abroad. Fools by't one another, but wise, men agree. The choleric man never wants woe. He that seeks trouble, never misseth. He that blows in the dust, fills his eyes with it. They who remove stones bruise their Fingers: Disgraces, like Cherries, draw on one another. To live peaceably with all breeds good blood. A little with qaiet is the only diet.   

LXVIII.  
A quarrel arising betwixt two Gentlemen at gaming, the one sent the other a challenge to meet him at six in the morning in an appointed place. The other turning to the Messenger, What's here? saith he, Tell him that sent thee, that it is not my custom nor his, (I think?) to rise till eleven a clock, and consider with thyself whether we should break our rest to hazard our limbs.   

LXIX.  
One▪ who was a good Archer, being grossly abused, asked his Friend's advice, What he should do to repair the wrong? Why, saith his friend, challenge him at a match of shooting.   

LXX.  
A Frenchman challenged one of Genoa for having his Coat of Arms: He of Genoa appears at the place, and asks the Frenchman, what was his bearing? the Frenchman said, it was an Ox's head; then said the other, we need not fight about the business, for mine is a Cow's head.   

LXXI.  
There being discourse about the French Duelling (for other Nations are not so prodigal of their own or others men's lives) and particularly of their ceremonious sending and accepting challenges; O (said a Frenchman there present) with what love and honour do we Frenchmen cut one another's throats.   

LXXII.  
Two famous Philosophers were fallen at variance, Aristippus and Aeschines, Aristippus comes to Aeschines, Shall we be Friends? yes, with all my heart, says Aeschines. Remember, saith Aristippus, that though I am elder, yet I sought for peace: True, saith Aeschines, and for this, I will always acknowledge you to be the more worthy man, for I began the strife and you the peace, they say, that by the laws of our land, noblemans have this privilege, that none of them can be bound to the peace, because it is presumed, that peace is always bound to them, and that a Noble disposition will never engage itself in quarrels and contentions.   

LXXIII.  
Secretary Cecil in answer to some that unjustly maligned him, said, If I do any good deeds, it is no matter who knows them; if bad, knowing them myself, nay God knowing them, it is no matter from whom I hide them. men's unjust applauses or accusations are all but vain, for our own actions must be our security, not others judgements.   

LXXIV.  
Sicinius, who with one breath would commend and condemn a man, and would never shoe a horse but he would strike in one nail to the quick, was asked by one, Why he never heard him speak against Crassus, where he had matter enough. O saith he, Crassus foenum habet in cornu, he will push again: Vexat censura columbas, Crows do not sit upon dog's backs, but if a man make himself a sheep, the Crows will crow over him.   

LXXV.  
One that took to himself the authority of a public Censor, being reprehended by another for his censuring and speaking ill of men said, It is true, I censure others, and they are quits with me, they censure me. Great censurers escape not censure, and he is a fool that thinks not that another thinks; they are censurable, if not for their pride, or envy, or malice, or idle curiosity, yet for their very censoriousness and ill language.   

LXXVI.  
Socrates when it was told him that one spoke ill of him, it may be, saith he, that he hath not learned to speak well. Pisistratus when one told him that such a noted censurer did commend him, I wonder at it, said he, unless some body have told him that I am dead, for I never heard him speak well of any man living.   

LXXVII.  
Aristippus, when one was railing at him, was withdrawing himself; and when the other dogged him, he fell a running. What dost thou fly? Said the fellow, yes, said Aristippus, Thou takest the liberty to speak what thou wilt, and why may not I use my liberty whether I will hear thee or no?   

LXXVIII.  
When some were wondering that Socrates was not moved at one who spoke ill of him; you mistake, said Socrates, he doth not speak to me, for this that he speaks doth not concern me. And Philip Alexander's father would say of such men. I will study to make them liars, and he would profess that he was much beholding to such for they showed him his faults that he might mend them. So Plato when one was telling him of some that did not speak well of him, replied, But I will live so, that no body shall believe them. Living well is the best revenge.   

LXXIX.  
The same Philip being advised by some friends to stop the clamours of a loose tongued fellow said, we must not do so, for if he be engaged and provoked by any punishment of ours, he will have a quarrel to speak the more against us. Offer your staff at a dog, and he will bark the more.   

LXXX.  
Pope Adrian the sixth was talking with the Duke of Sesa, that Pasquil (from whom our libels had that name) was very scandalous in his tongue and pen, and that he would have him thrown into the river (the punishment for scolds, etc.) but Sesa answered, do it not holy father, for than he will turn Frog, and whereas now he chants but by day, he will then chant both by day and night. Spreta exolescunt. Horses pass by barking curs, but if the dogs come to near their heels they kick out their teeth.   

LXXXI.  
A peevish fellow saying in the presence of Sigismond the Emperor, that now the times were such, a man might not speak his mind freely, the Emperor answered him, that if it were so, he durst not now have said that which he did. It is well said, Quid Cato sine libertate? What is wisdom without liberty to show it? But it is as well replied. Quid libertas sine Catone? What is liberty without a Cato, without gravity, authority and wisdom to use it?   

LXXXII.  
A certain merry fellow having got a stain of Oil upon his doublet, and being troubled with every one's ask him what that was, assoon as any one came to speak to him he would begin first and say, assure yourself this was a stain of Oil, but hence forward it is what you please. It is good to be provided to prevent a scoff if a man have a blemish about him: as Democritus knew one a merry man with a prominent nose, who whensoever he came into fresh company would say, bar noses, Gentlemen, and I am for you, but of these more hereafter.   

LXXXIII.  
One of the Ancients being reproved. that he was offended with contumelies, answered, that praises would not please him, if disgraces did not trouble him: and that he should not be sensible of the one if he were not of the other.   

LXXXIIII.  
Another of the Philosophers, when one was saying it were happy for a man to fly rather than seek a great name, which did more hurt than good. Why then, said the Philosopher, all sorts of notorious wicked persons were happy which did not care for their credits. Whatsoever is dishonest is dishonourable, Nec prius laudes contempsimus, quam laudanda facere desivimus.   

LXXXV.  
There being discourse before the marquis of Worcester concerning a Gentleman of high desert, who was much censured by some of the company for vainglory; the Marquis (who was averse to the discovery of any man's imperfections, but had ever a cloak of some charitable construction ready▪ to cover them) said unto them. Alas Gentleman will you have corn grow without chaff, as soon shall you have it as a man of his parts to be free from Vain▪ glory; Worthless chaff keeps the Cornwarm, and vainglory fires him to all these brave achievements. If you set a man on horseback let him have his spurs. It is true, there is slow sailing without some wind; and immensum gloria calcar habet. And what was counted but charity was good judgement in this worthy marquis: For it is not necessary that because honour is an impulsive, that it should therefore be the efficient cause of men's actions; for as the Lord Verulam (to whom perhaps the marquis did allude) doth instance, Put case there be two horses, and the one will go freely without a spur, and the other with a spur will far outgo him; the latter surely will win the race, and be counted for the better horse, Neither will such a scorn move any man of judgement, Away with such an horse whose life and metal is in his spurs. For seeing a spur is the usual instrument for an horseman, and no burden or hindrance, the horse is no less esteemed which goes better with a spur; nor the other that can do wonders without a Spur is the better but the daintier horse: So glory and honour are spurs to virtue, and though virtue without them be the fainter, yet they are always ready at hand, even uninvited; and are no disparagement or hindrance but that virtue may be desired for itself.   

LXXXVI.  
A great man hearing a large Panegirick of his praises said, although he hath played the Orator and feigned and added much, yet it pleaseth me well enough that others should think what he saith to be true of me. Blanditiae, etiam cum rejiciuntur, placent. When another excellent Orator had made before King Alphonsus a large oration in commendation of his virtues, the King having heard him said, for what you have said true of me, I am to thank God for it, and what is wanting in me of what you have said, I am to pray to God for it. To teach by praising hath been ever a formality due to great persons, and all Popes have good names, not that they are all such, but to put them in mind they should be such. But the modesty and devotion of this Prince is remarkable, and we know Herod when the people shouted Vox non hominem sonat There spoke an Angel, he was eaten up with Vermin, for not returning the honour to the due owner.   

LXXXVII.  
Tigellinus asked Apollonius how he liked Nero's playing upon the Harp, Apollonius answered him, I think better of Nero than thou dost, for thou thinkest him fit to play upon the Harp, and I think it fitter for him to let it alone. So Philip when he heard his Son sing very finely and drawl it a la mode, chid him, and said, Fie Son, are not you ashamed to sing so well?   

LXXXVIII.  
It is reported of Photion (and likewise of some other Philosophers) that being once making a Speech to the people, and they with great noise praising and applauding him, he turned about to his Friends that stood by and said, Have I spoken any thing amiss? Laudari jucundum, sed à laudato viro.   

LXXXIX.  
M. Cambden relates, that when a Gentleman none of the wisest, told K. Henry the seventh, that he found Sir Richard Crofts (who was made Banneret at the battle of Stoke) to be a very wise man, the King answered, He doubted not that, but marvelled much, how a fool could know a wise man.   

XC.  
When one told Pindarus (to make him think himself obliged and beholding) that he had every where spoken in his commendation; Pindarus answered, I have requited that courtesy already in making good your commendations, that what you said of me you could say it truly. Though praises are testimonies of love, and so courtesies, yet they are a debt to goodness and a debt easily paid, but it costs more to do then to commend things praiseworthy.   

XCI.  
A certain man, being told that such an one commended him, said, That must go for nothing, for he will commend any man. Some praise out of judgement, and some from affection, but others only out of a smooth and plausible disposition, and of such Cui malus est nemo▪ qui bonus esse potest? But the most wicked praises are those that are cunning and mischievous, as the Fox praised the Hare to the dogs for much better meat.   

XCII.  
Xenocrates being rescued from prison by Lycurgus with some hazard, after a few days met with one of his Children▪ and said to him, Your Father is quickly rewarded for relieving me at his own peril for every one speaks well of him for it.   

XCIII.  
One Hippodromus a Sophister being compared and equalled to one Polemon then very famous, replied with a piece of Homer, 
— Quid me immortalibus aequas?    

XCIV.  
Antalcidas being to be admitted into their sacred mysteries, was asked by the Heathen Priest, what excellent thing he had done in all his life? he answered, If I have done any thing praiseworthy, the Gods themselves are not ignorant of it.   

XCV.  
One beginning a Panegyric in the praise of Pescennius Niger the Emperor, the Emperor stopped him, and said, Do you make us a Panegyric in the praise of some brave man that is dead, whom we may imitate, for to praise us that live from whom you may hope for reward or fear punishment, is but to mock us, I love to please men while I live, and to be praised when I am dead.   

XCVI.  
Agesilaus being at the point of death forbade his friends to make any Image or statue in his honour, saying, If I have done any thing well, my acts will be my monuments, otherwise these Statues will not preserve my memory.   

XCVII.  
Cato the elder, when every Roman of note had a Statue erected, was asked by one, Why he had none? Cato answered, He had much rather men s●●●ld ask and wonder why he had no ●●●tua then why he had a statue.   

XCVIII.  
Cosmus Medici's would say, that we should ever keep out of the company of natural fools and common Jester's, for fools cared not what they did to any man, and these scoffers cared not what they said of any man; and both of them did violate the worth and weight of any person or business. And one being asked, Since all men were fools, who were the veriest fools of all? answered, Those who meddle with them that are known to be fools.   

XCIX.  
In the Market by S. Marks in Venice there went about a mad man crying, that he had wisdom to sell, at last one bargaining with him, and giving him his money first, the mad man gave him for it a good box on the ear, and a thread of four yards long, and bid him as far as that thread went to keep out of a mad man's reach, if he would be wise. From Drunkards, mad men, and fighters keep afar off, for he that buys wisdom of any of these shall pay for it.   

C.  
Peter Medici's coming in an Embassage from Rome was entertained very honourably in a City by the way; where one of the Aldermen had all the talk, and spoke very simply and impertinently; Another of his Brethren went to the Ambassador aside, and said, Sir, I pray you not to take notice of this man's talk, although I doubt not but you have some such men amongst you: We have so, said the Ambassador, but we do not make use of them in any public business.   

CI.  
A certain man carrying something covered under his cloak, was asked by an acquaintance that met him, What it was that he carried so close and covered? Why, said the other, you see that it is covered on purpose that you should not know what it is.   

CII.  
A rich Citizen of Rome so journing in Florence for a year, in the time when Melons came in, where other Citizensgot one a day, he bought him eight or ten for choice, and to pleasure his friends, which one of the neighbouring Lodgings perceiving, asked him, What he did with so many Melons? To whom the other answered, He made gain enough by them, He eat the good ones, and with the refuse of them he fed Tortoises which he kept: To what purpose, said the Florentine do you keep them? For a cure, said the other, of a great disease in this City; for they are a present remedy for the Ptisick, and Florence is generally troubled with Ptisicks and Coughs, which comes from nothing else but taking too much thought about other men's business.   

CIII.  
Antigonus going about to view his Army, stepped into the Tent of the Poet Antagoras, and found him boiling some Fish; What saith he to the Poet, dost thou think that Homer when he was to write of the deeds of Agamemnon was busied in boiling of Fish? And do you think, said the Poet, when Agamemnon did those valiant deeds, that he was busied in searching Whether Fish was boiled in his Army?   

CIV.  
Of Beggars elsewhere, now only of some Arts of begging eluded. A certain Courtier came to King Alphonsus, and told him, that he dreamt last night that his Majesty had bestowed on him a bag of gold; Away, said Alphonsus, Christians ought not to give credit to dreams: And the like is storied of one who coming to the Pope, said to him, that there was a Fame abroad, that his Holiness had ordained him the government of such a City then vacant; The Pope replies, Do not you know that Fame is Tam ficti pravique tenax quam nuncia veri? Fame is a liar, and you shall find it so.   

CV.  
Thrasillus the Cynic begged of Antigonus a Penny; That, said Antigois too small for a King to give. Then said Thrasillus, give me a talon, yea, and that, said the King, is too great for a Cynic to receive. A fit answer to such as are fit to have nothing, otherwise Aristotle's was better, who being reprehended for giving an Alms to a wicked fellow, answered, Non homini dedi, sed humanae sorti, he gave it not for the man's sake, but for humanity's sake, respecting his wants, not his wickedness, for every miserable man is a commiserable man.   

CVI  
Whilst one Tarqvinius Abbatonius a Captain was laid down on a couch, there came in to him one of his Soldiers all in a sweat, and sad, and said to him, What are you doing brave Captain? are you asleep? why dost thou ask that? said Tarquin. Ah, said he, I would have entreated you to lend me ten ducats to recover some money that I have lost at play; Go thy way then, said Tarquin, I am asleep.   

CVII.  
Publius Rutilius being requested by a Friend for his aid in a dishonest business denied him; The man pressing him said, What use have I of your friendship, if you will not do me a friendly office? Rutilius replies, yea, and what use have I of your friendship, if you employ it only to put me upon bad offices? Stultum petere est, quod possit jure negari.   

CVIII.  
Theodosius havind denied a Suitor, was urged by him, Why Sir, you promised it, he answered, I said it, but I did not promise it, if it be unjust.   

CIX.  
An old Soldier came to claim of Sigismond the Emperor a great sum of money on promise. The Emperor said his demands were too high, Yea but O Emperor, said the Soldier, though you might have once chosen whether you would have promised, yet having promised, you may not go back. It is true, said the Emperor, and if I must suffer in either, I had rather suffer in the loss of my money then of my credit.   

CX.  
Concerning promissory Oaths, the story is recorded from one of credit, though the name of the place for some respects be concealed, that in a foreign City it was proposed at their Council-house, that they should serve in the wars under Maximilian the Emperor, and that they should engage themselves in the service by an Oath of confederacy. Unto which proposal one of the Corporation stood up and said, First, we have sworn and protested, that we would receive no pay from the Princes; After we swore and covenanted not at all to serve any Prince in the Wars. And a third time we called back our men from Milan, who were engaged there in service by Oath: And now we are to swear again. By my advice, to avoid perjury, let us take oath never hereafter to perform any thing that we swear.  
Of this dallying with such Oaths, Democritus could tell you some remarkable stories, but for respect to persons yet living. He may set you down one taken out of some stories published of the Earl of Worcester. A Roman Catholic, being pressed to take the Oath of Supremacy, had a Gentleman, a Protestant, an acquaintance of his, so like unto him, that they could be hardly distinguished whilst they were together; Him therefore this Roman desired to take the Oath for him; and the counterfeit Gentleman being so like in countenance and apparel, he passed for current, without discovery. Which jest of a new trick of equivocation the Papist thought so good, as to brag of it before the marquis of Worcester, but the marquis being more noble and sincere, detested it, saying Would you put another upon that which you would not do yourself? What if the devil (you two being so like one another) should mistake you for him, I assure you he would go near to mar the conceit.   

CXI.  
Alexander the Great being to destroy Lampsacum an eminent Port-Town in Bythinia, Anaximenes the Philosopher, who had formerly been his Master, and was a Native of the place, came to meet him, and entreat him in the behalf thereof; Which being told to Alexander, he swore that he would not grant what Anaximenes should ask him; The Philosopher understanding this, said, That which I desire is, that you would destroy Lampsacum? And Alexander being thus taken by his word, for the reverence of his Oath, did not destroy the place.  
Another merry way of disobliging in a rash Oath, is reported in a story of James the fourth King of Scotland, who being much offended with the Earl of Crawford, He vowed to pull down his house from the top to the bottom▪ But the Earl by his timely submission took off the edge of the King's anger against him; Insomuch that the King (that he might in some sort be as big as his word) went up to the top of his house, and without doing any more harm, threw down a little stone which was closed to the Fabric, which is to this day kept as a Monument of the King's favour to that Family. Howsoever, an Oath that is not to be taken, is not to be kept. In votis temerariis non perficienda promissio, sed poenitenda praesumptio.   

CXII.  
Democritus will not allow his Traveller to lie by the authority of a common Proverb, which connives at the lie, because it is cheaper to believe it then to disprove it, their lies are commonly so thin that a Philosopher will see through them and laugh at them, if they do not betray themselves, as that Traveller did, who bragging of the many Countries he had passed through, and telling the great wonders he had seen in them, One of his hearers said, Sir, I perceive you have been much conversant in Cosmography; the Traveller replies, I was not conversant in that place, but as we were sailing, I saw the City at a distance on the right hand of our Ship.   

CXIII.  
A certain fellow talking much of things incredible, and which he had never seen, one Jacobus Caviceus a famous Judge in Ferrara takes him up, and poseth him with this Riddle, I pray Sir, you that have seen so much tell me, What is that which doth not see, and if it should see, would be no more what it was? The man sticking and puzzled, Caviceus tells him, It is a blind man, such as thou art, who sees not, and if he did see, he were no more blind; So thou if thou didst see thyself, thine own blindness and ignorance, thou wouldst be another manner of man than thou art. The Proverb says, The blind man sees not the default of his eyes.   

CXIV.  
When one was vaunting, that in Sicily he had bought a Lamprey of five foot long, Galba said, that is no wonder, for there they are so long that their skins serve for cords wherewith the Fishermen use to gird themselves. It is right to mock the grossness of a lie by a grosser, as he that fitted the great Cabbage with the great Cauldron.   

CXV.  
The Story is famous and known of the Post that came from Ausburg, who being asked the first Question to such men▪ What News at Ausburg? the Post answered, there was little News stirring, Only one man was burnt there for a forgery: What forgery? said the other, This, said the Post, There hath fallen a great deal of snow lately, and this man gathered it together in Snowbals, and hardened it behind a Furnace, and after the Rogue to cheat the Country sold it for salt, but he was burnt for it; Which this simple fellow believing, and telling abroad for truth, was a good sport to his Neighbours, Posts carry truth in their letters, and lies in their mouths.   

CXVI:  
A Country-fellow being Suitor to a maid to marry her, and the business being talked of among the maids Friends, all of them were against the match, because the man was a noted liar; Only one of them asked the rest, whether he was a drunkard, or a gamester, or given to any other vice? No, said they, he is an honest painful young man, only he is so much given to lying that he is famous for it; If that be all, said the other, Let him marry her, for if he be known to be a liar he will deceive no body nor do any harm. He that trusts not, is not deceived, and liars gain that privilege, that they are not believed when they speak truth, insomuch as they say, you may tell a secret to a liar, or make him your Confessor, for if he reveal any thing, no body will believe him.   

CXVII.  
A great Person (who deserves better than to be named upon such light occasions) had in a frolick set on some wanton wits to lie for the Whetstone: Where every one straining to exceed the former in monstrous and incredible tales and fictions, there was one only was silent; who being urged to tell his lie by turn, he answered for himself, that He never told lie in all his life. Whereupon by the judgement of them all, the whetstone was his due. And hence Democritus wonders at that wild saying, that a lie deserves the stab, and that simple phrase of giving the Lie so much stomached at. For the giving of the lie (if that be properly given which is earned and deserved) is no such great matter, where all men are granted to be liars (as they are indeed impotentiâ or imposturâ.) And when it is said the lie deserves a stab, it is meant this giving the lie (as they call it) that is, the reproving and manifesting another's lie, which is hereby judged more heinous than the making of it; and so men would give themselves a passport to belie others to their wrong (which is the bainous thing in any lie) by censuring it an unpardonable injury to tell them of it. But Democritus though he say this giving the lie (if justly and truly) is a less fault, being rash and upon provocation, than the purposed making of a lie (or the miscalling, wresting, and misinterpreting good or indifferent words or actions) yet he doth not say it is no fault at all; for though it may certainly be without fault, Joh. 8. 55. yet he fears it is seldom so with us; and it may be altered with other equivalent and less offensive expressions; as the Latins use a Charientismus in the words mentiris, and comminisceris, which is in ment fingis quod non est, and may be englished, you speak your mind.   

CXVIII.  
The old Grecian Orators were creatures of ostentation, and so vain and tedious in their Sermons or Speeches, that they had many serious touches of reprehension for it from the Philosophers and others, that they were not 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 but 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, that they loved to hear themselves talk; that if it were as troublesome to them to speak as it was to others to hear them, they would not take such pains to be tedious; that as frogs croaked in the waters, so they to the waters (to their water-hour-glasse;) that like Swallows they lost the pleasure of their song by prating too much, that like a Nightingale they were Vox & praeterea nihil; that they were worth nothing when they were out of their pews; that they had all their furniture of their house in the Portall; that they had a flood of words to a drop of matter and sense; that speech was a Treasure not to be set out for show, but to be laid out for use, and for direction in men's actions and business of life; that our speech ought to be equal to the matter in hand; that to set forth small matters with a great flourish of words was to fit a little foot with a great shoe; that the measure and length of speaking was not to be taken from the speaker, to be as much as he could say, but from the hearers to be such as they were fit and capable, and at leisure to hear, etc.   

CXIX.  
When some Samian Orators were sent in Embassage to Cleomenes, and had made him a long speech, He answered thus in short, What you said in the first place I do not well remember, and therefore what you said in the middle of your Oration, I do not well understand, and for what you said in the conclusion I do not well approve. Another of their Orators being Ambassador from one of their Cities to King Agis, after a tedious Oration, the King being a while silent, demanded of him what answer he would return to his Citizens, You may tell them, said the King, that what time you spent in speaking, I spent as much in hearing of you. (silently and patiently,) And it may be both misspent their time.   

CXX.  
There were three Ambassadors sent from Perusia to Pope Vrban the fifth lying then sick at Avinion. Upon their admission they were required to deliver their embassage in few words. Notwithstanding one of them who came provided with a set speech begins a large Oration (perhaps because he would not lose his pains, or could not alter it on the sudden) and though he knew the Pope weary, could not make an end till he had made his conclusion. After he had done, the Pope asked, if they had any more in commission, Unto which another of them; who well observed the Pope to be already cloyed and tired, said to him, Holy Father, we have one thing more, that if you give us not a fair answer speedily, this my Colleague is to repeat and make good the former with a much longer speech. The Pope hearing this, gave them their answer presently, and dismissed them.   

CXXI.  
A prating fellow coming to Aristotle, and talking idly, said at last to him, perhaps I trouble you with these trifles, No truly, said Aristotle, for I took no notice what you said, my mind was of another matter.   

CXXII.  
A great tatler came to one Hierom Carbo, with a volley of words, and after he had done, Carbo being silent, he urged him with great earnest to an answer from point to point, Carbo was silent still, at haft turning to those that stood by, he said, This year hath brought forth a great many Frogs.   

CXXIII.  
Heraclitus, when one in a company asked him, why he alone was silent, answered, to give you leave to speak, and Democritus having patiently heard a talkative fellow a long while, said, Thou hast been well taught, I perceive, to speak, but thou art yet to learn to hold thy peace. Democritus the Father of our Family said well, that he was well taught to speak, for it is very likely▪ that a woman was his Master to teach him.   

CXXIV.  
To a sullen fellow who used to be silent at meetings, Theophrastus said once, If thou art a Fool thou dost wisely, and if thou art a wise man thou dost foolishly to hold thy peace.   

CXXV.  
One Citianus a Jester to a Noble marquis, to please his Lord, had made himself a fool; One of his acquaintance once said to him, Why do you feign yourself to be a fool when we know you have wit enough? The other answered, ' What hard fortune have I, the more I strive to show myself a fool, the more wise I am still accounted; and on the other side I have a boy that sets his wits to seem wise, and yet every one takes him for a very fool.   

CXXVI.  
When Cardinal Pool was at Rome, there was discourse of a young Nobleman there, who was commended by some for his learning and ingenuity, but taxed more by others because he was bold and censorious, and would be too ready extempore to answer Quodlibets; Unto whom the Cardinal replies, Do not you consider that Learning in youth is like New wine in the must, while it is working, it boils and swells, yields barm and froth, and must have his vent; but when it is purged and settled, it becomes excellent and wholesome wine.   

CXXVII.  
Marcellus Virgilius saith merrily, that Old men carry their Ears in their bosom (therefore in his time they had auricular helps) their feet in their hands, and their teeth in their girdle; He had questionless added, and their eyes in a box, if spectacles were not a later invention, of which they that are not assured, may consult Pancirolus.   

CXXVIII.  
Another used to say, that old men were endowed by Nature with three special prerogatives, that they can see more, that they can do more, that they command more. These you will take to be rather three Paradoxes, till you look within the mystery. First, They see more, for because of the weakness of their sight they see all things double. Then they can do more, for being to get up on horseback, and having their foot in the stirrup, they can draw the saddle quite round unto themselves. And lastly, They command more, for of ten things which they ask for ten times over, they will scarce be served in one.   

CXXIX.  
One Roderigo Carrasio a Citizen of Valentia, being fourscore years old, was learning to play upon the Flute. There passed by his house an acquaintance of his, who asked of his Servants who that was in his house learning to play; They told him it was their master; O, saith he, perhaps Roderigo hath heard News, that he is to be provided for balls and Revels in the other world,   

CXXX.  
M. Herbert out of Gerson brings in a Frenchman ask another man in Latin, Quot annos habes? how many years old are you? the man answered, I am of no years at all, but Death hath forborn me this fifty. And he writes there, that an holy man in the primitive-times being asked how long he had lived, made this answer, A few years to God, but between forty and fifty among gnats and flies. Of the differences of young men and old men in body and mind, See briefly, but fully the L. Verulam in the close of his History of Life and Death.   

CXXXI.  
There coming an Ambassador from Milan to Florence, Laurentius of the house of Medici's caused to be brought in a child of five or six years old of a strange wit far above his age. And every one wondering at his answers, and to hear what he could do, Laurentius asked the Ambassador what he thought of the child, Certainly, said the Ambassador, as he grows in years he will grow the more sottish, for commonly such little ones that are so witty, when they are grown men prove blockheads. The child hearing him, presently turns to the Ambassador and said, Sir▪ when you were a little one, you should have had a very great wit. 
— Tempora quip  
Virtutem non prima negant, non ultima donant.  A like reply we have heard of one, to whom it being objected in scorn, that his Beard came before his wit, his answer was, Yours is a mannerly beard, and stays for your wit.   

CXXXII.  
One being asked how he came to be so grey on his head, and there was not one grey hair in his beard, answered, that is no wonder, for my Beard is twenty years younger than the hairs of my head.   

CXXXIII.  
One being observed by Cardinal Pool to be very curious to a hair in his beard, and it being told him by one of his house, that it might well be neat, for he bestowed every month two ducats in trimming, If it be so, said the Cardinal, his beard will shortly be more worth than his head.   

CXXXIV.  
One Alexander a Sophister being sent in Embassage from Seleucia to Marcus Antonius, when in his speech he saw him not sufficiently attentive to him, he spoke out aloud, Harken to me Caesar, do you not take notice of Alexander? Antonius being moved with this as a reprehension, answered, I do hear thee and know thee very well, thou art that Alexander that powderest thy hair, and stinkest of perfumes.   

CXXXV.  
Philip of Macedon put one of his Officers out of his place for colouring his Beard, and said, He that is not true to his own hairs, how shall I trust him in my business.   

CXXXVI.  
King James saith, In clothes I would have a Fashion should choose a man, and not a man the Fashion. But commonly a Fashion comes from some great one out of fashion.   

CXXXVII.  
Augustus' the Emperor would very sharply find fault with his daughters gaudy and gay clothes, and say, That bravery and fineness in apparel was but a banner of pride and a Nest of lust. Pars minima est ipsa puella sui, and many times the feathers are more worth than the bird.   

CXXXVIII.  
Cicero's daughter used to go in a manly great and stalking gate, on the other side his son in Law, in a dancing, wincing, and ambling pace. Cicero once meeting his daughter trotting along, said to her, Daughter, go softly as your Husband goes, and so jeered them both at once.   

CXXXIX.  
Cicero's Son in Law Lentulus was but little in stature, and wore a very long sword, Cicero seeing him said, Cicero's Brother had his Picture drawn to the breast in great dimensions, though he himself was but a little man. Cicero spying it, as he passed by it by chance, said, My half Brother is greater than the whole one.   

CXL.  
One that thought himself a proper man by being tall, jesting upon another whom he did overlook, said to him, that he must be the Pawn in the Tables, yes, said the other little low man, and to make the Jest complete, you must be the Rook.   

CXLI.  
One that looked asquint, being told by one in scorn, that he did not see right; Indeed, saith he, I am afraid I shall never see thee right. Another having a blemish in one of his eyes being asked by another, With which of his eyes he could see farthest? answered, Even with whether it please you for sooth.   

CXLII.  
Cardinal Woolsey sent one to Fox B. of Winchester (who had advanced the Cardinal into the King's favour) for to move him to resign to him his Bishopric, because of his age and blindness. The Bishop, not willing to put off his clothes till he went to bed, sent him this Answer, Though Age hath made me blind not to know white from black, yet I can discern right from wrong; and I can espy what before I could not perceive, his Unthankfulness; and let my L. Cardinal take heed that his ambition and covetousness do not blind him worse, and make him not to look to his footing, that he stands in lubrico, and may fall before he fear.   

CXLIII.  
A Learned man, who from his birth wanted an hand, was employed by the Pope in an Embassage. Upon his return delivering the Pope his dispatches, a Cardinal then present at every pause interrupted him, and asked him, Where he had left his other hand? The man, without notice taken, goes on in the discourse of the particulars of his business with the Pope; in the in the end he says, Holy Father, there is no man living but hath some defect; Some men want Fcet, and some men want hands, etc. and some men want brain●.   

CXLIV.  
One telling his Friend, that he was very sorry that his Wife had so publicly disgraced him, and given him a bad Name abroad, the man answered, I am sorry too, but it is her own sin and her own shame, and for the vulgar Nickname you talk of, I value it not nor them that use it, for (as he added merrily) Num tota viri fama inter foeminae pofita est femora?   

CXLV.  
It is storied of an Emperor of Germany, who, coming by chance on a Sunday into Church, found there a misshapen Priest, pené portentum Na●urae, (as worldly Parents, if they have a crooked piece, think him fit Timber for the Pulpit) insomuch as the Emperor scorned and contemned him. But when he heard him read ●hese words in the beginning of the Service, For it is he that made us, and not we ourselves, the Emperor bethought himself better, and began to check his proud thoughts; and upon enquiry into the quality and condition of the man, finding him a devout learned man, he made him Arch Bishop of Colen, which place he did excellently discharge.   

CXLVI.  
There is a Story or a Fable of a youth, who spying an old man stooping and crooked like a bended bow, asked him in mockery, Whether he might buy a bow of him? The old man answered him, Thou hast no need to waste thy money, for when thou comest to my years, thou shalt have a Bow given thee on Free-cost without thy money. Insirmitas miserabilis, senectus venerabilis. Other Stories of this sort might be produced, for the world is ready enough to bestow their foolish mocks, scoffs and laughter upon what ought rather to be pitied, the natural or accidental defects and deformities in men, which are not 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, in our power to remedy or repair; and whereby their vexations are doubled, for In calamitosoes risus etiam in●uria est, and as M. Fuller englisheth it handsomely, To scoff at natural defects is to beat a Cripple with his own Crutches, But Convicia vitiis Opprobria probris debentur, scorns are only allowed to sinners, and not to all them neither. And for such kind of jests, they are not (I hope) to be found in this Book, except with their Antidotes to correct and confute them.   

CXLVII.  
It is got among the Fables. but is a story recorded of one Julius of Naples, whose servant for the dullness of his wit being usually called by his Master The King of Fools, to be quits with his Master once for all, He tells him, I wish I were such a King as you call me, for than I should be an Emperor, and my Empire would be as large as the world, and yourself, Master should not be the least of my Subjects. This common objection of folly and simplicity hath as many common Answers and Defences; for so many sayings which are Proverbs elsewhere, are so many Apologies: It is not only, Some are wise, and some are otherwise, but There is l●sse wit, and money, and honesty in the world than men think there is. The chief disease that reigns this Year is Folly; Every one hath a Fool in his sleeve: If all Fools wore Feathers, we should seem a Flock of Geese; If all Fools had Babbles, what should we do for fuel? We are Fools to one another. The least foolish is counted wise. He is wise with whom all things go well: None is a fool always, every one sometimes. Better be a fool then a knave, While the wise are advising, the fool doth his business. A Fool knows more in his own house, than a wise man in anotehrs'. Every one hath wit for his own purpose. The most wicked man proves the veriest Fool in the end.  Hilaris cum pondere virtus. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. 
FINIS.