MORIAE ENCOMIUM; OR, THE PRAISE OF FOLLY.  
Written Originally in Latin, By Des. Erasmus of Rotterdam. And Translated into English, By John Wilson.  
Licenced, Roger L'Estrange.  
London, Printed for William Leak, and are to be sold at the Crown in Fleetstreet, between the two Temple-Gates, 1668.   

ERASMUS OF ROTTERDAM, To his Friend THOMAS MORE, Health:  
AS I was coming, a while since, out of Italy, for England, that I might not waste all that time I was to sit on Horseback, in foolish and illiterate Fables, I chose rather, one while to revolve with myself, something of our common Studies, and other while, to enjoy the remembrance of my Friends, of whom, I left here, some no less learned, than pleasant; Amongst these, you, my More, came first in my mind, whose memory, though absent yourself, gives me such delight in my absence, as when present with you, I ever found in your company; than which, let me perish, if in all my life, I ever met with any thing more delectable: And therefore, being satisfied that something was to be done, and that, that time was no wise proper for any serious matter, I resolved to make some sport with The Praise of Folly: But who the Devil put that in thy head? you'll say; The first thing, was your surname, of More, which comes so near the word Moriae (Folly) as you are far from the thing; And that you are so, all the world will clear you: In the next place, I conceived this exercise of wit, would not be least approved by you, inasmuch as you are wont to be delighted with such kind of mirth, that is to say, neither unlearned, if I am not mistaken, nor altogether insipid, and in the whole course of your life, have played the part of a Democritus: And though, such is the excellence of your Judgement, that 'twas ever contrary to that of the peoples, yet such is your incredible affability, and sweetness of temper, that you both can, and delight to carry yourself to all men, a man of all hours: Wherefore, you will not only, with good will accept this small Declamation, but take upon you the defence of it, forasmuch, as being dedicated to you, it is now no longer mine, but yours: But perhaps, there will not be wanting some wranglers, that may cavil, and charge me, partly, that these toys are lighter than may became a Divine, and partly, more biting, than may beseem the modesty of a Christian, and consequently exclaim, that I resemble the Ancient Comedy, or another Lucian, and snarl at every thing: But I would have them, whom the lightness, or foolery of the Argument may offend, to consider, that mine is not the first of this kind, but the same thing, that has been often practised even by great Authors; when Homer, so many Ages since, did the like with the battle of Frogs and Mice; Virgil, with the Gnat, and Puddings; Ovid, with the Nut; When Polycrates, and his Corrector Isocrates, extored Tyranny; Glauco, Injustice; Favorinus, Deformity, and the quartan Ague; Synescius, Baldness; Lucian, the Fly, and Flattery: When Seneca made such sport with Claudius' Canonisations; Plutarch, with his Dialogue between Ulysses and Gryllus; Lucian and Apuleius, with the Ass; and some other, I know not who, with the Hog that made his lost Will and Testament, of which also, even S. Jerome makes mention: And therefore if they please, let 'em suppose I played at Tables for my diversion, or if they had rather have it so, that I red on a Hobby-horse: for what injustice is it, that when we allow every course of life its Recreation, that Study only, should have none especially, when such toys, are not without their serious matter, and foolery is so handled, that the Reader that is not altogether thick-skulled, may reap more benefit from it, than from some men's crabbish, and specious Arguments? As when one, with long study, and great pains, patches many pieces together, on the praise of Rhetoric, or Philosophy; another, makes a Panegyric to a Prince; another, encourages him to a War against the Turks; another, tells you what will become of the world, after himself is dead; and another, finds out some new device for the better ordering of Goats-wooll: for as nothing is more trifling than to treat of serious matters triflingly; so nothing carries a better grace, than so to discourse of trifles, as a man may seem to have intended them least: For my own part, Let other men judge of what I have written; though yet, unless an overweening opinion of myself, may have made me blind in my own cause, I have praised Folly, but not altogether foolishly: And now, to say somewhat, to that other cavil, of biting; this liberty was ever permitted to all men's wits, to make their smart witty reflections on the common errors of mankind, and that too, without offence, as long as this liberty does not run into licentiousness; which makes me the more admire the tender ears, of the men of this age, that can away with solemn Titles, Nay, you'll meet with some, so preposterously religious, that they will sooner endure the broadest scoffs, even against Christ himself, than hear the Pope or a Prince be touched in the least, especially, if it be any thing that concerns their profit; whereas he that so taxes the lives of men, without naming any one in particular, whither I pray, may he be said to by't, or rather to teach, and admonish? or otherwise, I beseech ye, under how many notions do I tax myself? Besides, he that spares no sort of men, cannot be said to be angry, with any one in particular, but the vices of all; And therefore, if there shall happen to be any one, that shall say he is hit, he will but discover, either his guilt or fear: Saint Jerome sported in this kind with more freedom, and greater sharpness, not sparing sometimes, men's very name. But I, besides that I have wholly avoided it, I have so moderated my stile, that the understanding Reader, will easily perceive, my endeavours herein, were rather to make mirth, than by't: Nor have I, after the Example of Juvenal, raked up that forgotten sink of filth and ribaldry, but laid before you, things, rather ridiculous, than dishonest: And now, if there be any one, that is yet dissatisfied, let him at least remember, that it is no dishonour, to be discommended by Folly; and having brought her in, speaking, it was but fit, that I kept up the character of the person. But why do I run over these things to you, a person so excellent an Advocate, that no man better defends his Client, though the cause many times, be none of the best? Farewell, my lest disputant More, and stoutly defend your Moriae.  
From the Country, the 5th. of the Ideses of June.   

Books Printed or sold by William Leak, at the sign of the Crown in Fleetstreet, between the two Temple-Gates.  

YOrks Heraldry, Fol.  
A Bible of a very fair large Roman Letter, 4.  
P●rs●● Law 8.  
Mirror of justice, 8.  
D●lamans use of the Horizontal Quadrant.  
Co●de●ius in English, 8.  
D. Fulks Meteors, 8.  
Malteus' Artificial Fireworks  
N●es Gunnery & Fireworks  
C●●o Major, with Annotations  
Mel Heliconium, by A. Ross, 8.  
Nosce●te ip●um, by Sir Joha Daw's. 8.  
The History of Vanna and P●●is. 4.  
The History of L●z●rillo de T●●●●s.  
The Posing of the Accidence  
Man become guilty, by John Francis S●●alt, and Englished by Henry Earl of M●●mon●h.  
A●la Lucis, or the House of Light  
Christ's Passion, a Tragedy by the most learned H●gh G●otius.  
C●●is learned readings on the S●at. 21. H●n●y 8. Chapter 5. of Sewers.  
The Rights of the People concerning Impositions, stated in a learned Argument by a late eminent Judge of this Nation.  
An exact Abridgement of the Records in the Tower of London, from the Reign of K. Edward the second, to K. Richard the third; of all the Parliaments holden in each King's Reign, and the several Acts in every Parliament, by Sir Robert Cotten Kt. & Baroner.  
The Garden of Eden, both parts; or an accurate description of Flowers and Fruits now growing in England, by Sir Hugh Plat.  
The Life and Reign of Hen. 8. by the L. Herbert, fol.  
France painted to the life, in four Books, the 2d. Edition  
Skea, de significatione verborum, 4.  
Flamma Sine fumo, or Poems without Fictions, 12.  
A learned Exposition of the Apostles Creed, by Wil N●colson, B of Gloucester fol.  
David's Harp strange and tuned, or an Analysis on the Psalms, by William Nicolso●, Bishop of Gloucester, fol.  
Result of false Principles, 4    

Moriae Encomium; OR, The Praise of Folly.  
An Oration, of feigned matter, spoken by Folly in her own Person.  
AT what rate soever the World talks of me (for I am not ignorant, what an ill report Folly hath got, even amongst the most Foolish) yet, that I am that She, that only She, whose Deity recreates both gods and men; even this is a sufficient Argument, That I no sooner stepped up to speak to this full Assembly, than all your faces put on a kind of new, and unwonted pleasantness; so suddenly have you cleared your brows, and with so frolic and hearty a laughter given me your applause; that, in troth, as many of you as I behold, on every side o● me, seem to me, no less than Homers' gods, drunk with Nectar and N●penthe; whereas before, ye sat as lumpish and pensive, as if ye● had come (è Trophonii specu) from consulting an Oracle. And as it usually happens, when the Sun gins to show his Beams; or when, after a sharp Winter, the Spring breathes afresh on the Earth, all things immediately get a new face, new colour; and recover, as it were, a certain kind of youth again: In like manner, by but beholding me, ye have in an instant gotten another kind of Countenance and so, what the otherwise great Rhetoricians, with their tedious, and long-studied Orations, can hardly effect (to wit) To remove the trouble of the Mind, I have done it at once, with my single look: But if ye ask me, Why I appear before you in this strange dress, be pleased to lend me your ears, and I'll tell you; not those ears (I mean) ye carry to Church, but abroad with ye, such as ye are wont to prick up to Jugglers, Fools, and Buffoons, and such as our Friend M●das, once gave to Pan; for I am disposed awhile, to play the Sophister with ye; not of their sort, who, now adays, buzle Youngman's heads with certain ●empty notions, and curious trifles, yet teach them nothing, but a more than Womanish obstinacy of scolding: but I'll imitate those Ancients, who, that they might the better avoid that infamous appellation of (Sophi, or) Wise, chose rather to be called Sophisters: Their business was to celebrate the Praises of the gods and valiant men. And the like Encomium shall ye hear from me, but neither of Hercules, nor Solon, but mine own dear Self, that is to say, Folly: Nor do I esteem those Wisemen a rush, that call it a foolish, and insolent thing to praise one's self. Be it as foolish as they would make it, so they confess ●●t proper: and what can be more, than that Folly be her own Trumpet? For who can set me out better than myself, unless perhaps I could be better known to another, than to myself? Though yet, I think it somewhat more modest, than the general practice of our Nobles, and Wise men, who throwing away all shame, hire some flattering Orator, or Lying Poet, from whose mouth they may hear their praises, that is to say, mere lies; and yet, composing themselves with a seeming modesty, spread out their Peacock's plumes, and erect their Crests, whilst this impudent Flatterer equals a man of nothing to the gods, and proposes him, as an absolute pattern of all Virtue, that's wholly a stranger to't, sets out a pitiful Jay in others Feathers, washes the Blackmoor white, and lastly (ex musca Elephantem) suells a Gnat to an Elephant: In short, I will follow that old Proverb, that says, He may lawfully praise himself, that lives for from Neighbours: Though, by the way, I cannot but wonder, at the ingratitude, shall I say, or negligence of Men, who, notwithstanding they honour me in the first place, and are willing enough to confess my bounty, yet not one of them, for these so many ages, has there been, who in some thankful Oration, has set out the praises of Folly; when yet there has not wanted them, whose elaborate endeavours, have extolled Tyrants, Agues, Flies, Baldness, and such other Pests of Nature, to their own loss of both time and sleep. And now ye shall hear from me a plain extemporary speech, but so much the truer; nor would I have ye think it, like the rest of Orators, made for the Ostentation of Wit; for these, as ye know, when they have been beating their heads some thirty years about an Oration, and, at last, perhaps produce somewhat, that was never their own, shall yet swear they composed it in three days, and that too for diversion: whereas I ever liked it best, to speak (quicquid in buccam venerit) whatever came first out; But let none of ye expect from me, that, after the manner of Rhetoricians, I should go about to Define what I am, much less, use any Division; for I hold it equally unlucky, to circumscribe her, whose Deity is universal, or make the least Division in that Worship, about which every thing is so generally agreed: Or to what purpose, think ye, thould I describe myself, when I am here present before ye, and ye behold me speaking? For I am, as ye see, that true and only giver of wealth, whom the Greeks call 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, the Latins Stultitia, (and our plain English, Folly:) On what need was there to have said so much, as if my very looks were not sufficient to inform ye, who I am? Or as if any man mistaking me for Wisdom, could not at first sight convince himself by my face, the true index of my mind? I am no Counterfeit, nor do I carry one thing in my looks and another in my breast: No, I am in every respect so like myself, that neither can they dissemble me, who arrogate to themselves, the appearance and title of Wisemen, and walk (in purpura simiae) like Asses in Scarlet-hoods; though after all their hypocrisy, Midas' ears will discover their Master: A most ingrateful generation of men, that when they are wholly given up to my party, are yet publicly ashamed of the name, as taking it for a reproach; for which cause, since in truth they are (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Fools, and yet would appear to the World, to be Wisemen, and Thales, we'll even call 'em (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Wise-fools: Nor will it be amiss also, to imitate the Rhetoricians of our times, who think themselves in a manner Gods, if, like Horseleeches, they can but appear to be double-tongued; and believe they have done a mighty act, if in their Latin Orations; they can but shuffle-in some ends of Greek (like Mosaick-work) though altogether by head and shoulders, and less to the purpose: And if they want hard words, they run over some Wormeaten Manuscript, and pick out half a Dozen of the most old and absolete, to confound their Reader; believing, no doubt, that they that understand their meaning, will like it the better; and they that do not, will admire it the more, by how much the less they understand it: Nor, is this way of ours, of admiring what seems most Foreign, without its particular grace; for if there happen to be any more ambitious than others, they may give their applause with a smile, and like the Ass (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) shake their ears, that they may be thought to understand more, than the rest of their neighbours. But to come to the purpose: I have given ye my name: but what Epithet shall I add? What? but that of the most Foolish? For by what properer name, can so great a goddess as Folly, be known to her Disciples? And because it is not alike known to all, from what stock I am sprung; with the Muses good leave, I'll do my endeavour to satisfy you: But yet neither the first Chaos, Orcus, Saturn, or Japhet, nor any of those threadbare musty Gods, were my Father, but (Plutus) Riches; That only he, that is, in spite of Hesiod, Homer, nay, and Jupiter himself (Diuûm Pater atque Hominum Rex) the Father of Gods and Men; at whose single beck, (as heretofore, so at present) all things Sacred and Profane are turned topsie turvy turvy: According to whose Pleasure, War, Peace, Empire, Counsels, Judgements, Assemblies, Wedlocks, Bargains, Leagues, Laws, Arts, all things Light or Serious— I want breath— in short, all the public and private business of mankind, is governed; Without whose help, all that Herd of Gods, of the Poets making, and those few of the better sort of the rest, either would not be at all; or, if they were, they would be but (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) such as live at home, and keep a poor house to themselves; and to whomsoever he's an Enemy, 'tis not Pallas herself that can befriend him: as on the contrary, he whom he favours, may lead Jupiter, and his Thunder in a string: This is my Father (— Hujus me glorior esse) and in him I glory: Nor did he produce me from his brain, as Jupiter, that sour and ill-looked Pallas; but (ex Neotete Nympha) of that lovely Nymph, called Youth, the most beautiful, and galliard of all the rest: Nor was I, like that limping Blacksmith, begot in the sad and irksome bonds of Matrimony; but, which is much more pleasant (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) in the heat of lust, as says our Father Homer: Yet, mistake me not, 'twas not that blind, and decrepit Plutus in Aristophanes, that got me, but such as he was in his full strength, and pride of youth; and not that only, but at such a time when he had been well heated with Nectar, of which he had, at one of the Banquets of the Gods, taken a dose extraordinary: And as to the place of my birth, forasmuch as now adays, that is looked upon, as a main point of Nobility, it was neither (like Apollo's) in the floating Delos, nor (Venus-like) on the rolling Sea, nor in any of blind Homer's as blind Caves; but in the fortunate Islands, where (— sponte suâ per se dabat omnia tellus) all things grew, without ploughing, or sowing; Where neither Labour, nor Old-age, nor Disease, was ever heard of; and in whose fields, neither Daffadil, Mallows, Oayons, Beans, and such contemptible things would ever grow; But, on the contrary, Rue, Angelica, bugloss, Marjoram, Trefoils, Roses, Violets, Lilies, and all the Gardens of Adonis, invite both your sight, and your smelling. And being thus born, I did not begin the world, as other Children are wont, with crying; but straight perched up, and smiled on my mother: Nor do I envy to the great Jupiter, the Goat his Nurse, forasmuch as I was suckled by two jolly Nymphs, to wit, Drunkenness, the daughter of Bacchus, and Ignorance of Pan: And as for such my companions, and followers, as ye perceive about me, if you have a mind to know who they are, ye are not like to be the wiser for me, unless it be in Greek: This here which you observe with that proud cast of her eye is (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Self-love; She with the smiling countenance, that is ever and anon clapping her hands, is (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Flattery; She that looks as if she were half asleep, is (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Oblivion; She that sits leaning on both Elbows with her hands clutched together, is (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Laziness: She with the Garland on her head, and that smells so strong of perfumes, is (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Pleasure: She with those staring eyes, moving here and there, is (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Madness: She with the smooth Skin, and full pampered body, is (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Wantonness: And as to the two Gods that ye see with them, the one is (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Intemperance; the other, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Dead Sleep. These, I say, are my household Servants, and, by their faithful Counsels, I have subjected all things to my Dominion, and erected an empire over Emperors themselves: Thus have ye had my Lineage, Education, and Companions. And now, lest I may seem to have taken upon me the name of Goddess, without cause; you shall in the next place understand, how far my Deity extends, and what advantage by it I have brought, both to Gods and Men. For, if it was not unwisely said by some body, That this only is to be a God, To help Men; and if they are deservedly enroled among the Gods, that first brought in Corn, and Wine, and such other things, as are for the common good of mankind; Why am not I of right (the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) first of all the gods, who being but one, yet bestow all things on all men? For first, What is more sweet or more precious than Life? And yet from whom can it more properly be said to come, than from me? For neither (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Palladis hasta) the Crab-favoured Pallas' Spear, nor (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Jovis aegis) the Cloud-gathering Jupiter's Shield, either beget, or propagate mankind; But even he himself, the Father of Gods, and King of Men (qui nutu ●mefactat Olympum) at whose very beck the ●avens shake, must layby his forked thunder, ●●d those looks wherewith he conquered the ●ants, and with which at pleasure he frights ●e rest of the Gods, and, like a Common age-player, put on a Disguise, as often as he ●es about that, which now and then he does, ●at is to say (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) the getting of chil●en: And the Stoics too, that conceive emselves next to the Gods, yet show me one 〈◊〉 them, nay, the veriest Bygot of the Sect, ●d if he do not put off his beard, the badge 〈◊〉 Wisdom, though yet it be no more than ●hat is common with him and Goats; yet at east, he must layby his supercilious Gravity, moth his forehead, shake off his rigid Prin●ples, and, for some time, commit an act of ●lly, and dotage: In fine, that Wiseman, who ever he be, if he intends to have Children, must have recourse to me. But why, according to my wont way, do not I speak more plainly to ye? Is it the head, I pray, or ●ace, or breast, or hand, or ear, which yet we reckon our comely parts, that begets, or brings forth Gods, and Men? I think not; but even that part, which is so foolish, and ridiculous, that I cannot so much as name it without ●aughter; This, this is that holy spring, from whence all things more truly draw their being than from Pythagoras (Quaternio) mixtu● of Elements: But tell me, I beseech ye● What Man is that, would submit his neck, 〈◊〉 the Noose of Wedlock, if, as Wisemen should he did but first truly weigh the inconvenienc● of the thing? Or what Woman is there, woul● ever go to't, did she seriously consider, either the peril of Childbearing, or the trouble o● bringing them up? So then, if ye own you● beings to Wedlock, ye own that Wedlock, t● this my follower, Madness; and what ye own to me, I have already told ye: Again, she● that has but once tried, what it is, would sh●● do ye think, make a second venture, if i● were not for my other Companion, Oblivion? Nay, even Venus herself, notwithstanding what ever Lucretius has said, would not deny, but that all her virtue were lame, and fruitless, without the help of my Deity: For out of that little, odd, ridiculous May-game, came the supercilious Philosophers, in whose room have succeeded, a kind of people, the world calls Monks, Cardinals, Priests, and the most holy Popes: And Lastly, all that Rabble of the Poets-Gods, with which Heaven is so thwacked and thronged, that, though it be of so vast an extent, they are hardly able to crowd one by another: But I think it a small matter, that ●e thus owe your beginning of life to me, ●●less I also show you, that, whatever benefit you receive in the progress of it, is of ●y gift likewise: For, what other is this? Can ●hat be called life, where ye take away pleasure? Oh! Do ye like what I say! I knew ●one of you could have so little Wit, or so ●uch folly, or Wisdom rather, as to be of ●y other opinion: for even the Stoicks ●hemselves, that so severely cried down pleasure, did but handsomely dissemble, and railed sgainst it to the common People, to no other ●nd, but that having discouraged them from it, ●hey might the more plentifully enjoy it themselves: But tell me, by Jupiter, what part of ●mans life is that, that is not sad, crabbed, unpleasant, insipid, troublesome, unless it be seasoned with Pleasure, that is to say, Folly? For the proof of which, the never-sufficiently praised Sophecles, in that his happy Elegy of us (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, To know nothing, is the only happiness) might ●●e Authority enough; but that I intent to take every particular by its self. And first; Who knows not, but a man's Infancy, is the merriest part of life to himself, and most acceptable to others? For, what is that in them, which we kiss, embrace, cherish, nay Enemy's succour; but this witchcraft o● Folly? Which, wise Nature did● of purpose give them into the world with them that they might the more pleasantly passe-ove● the toil of Education, and as it were flatter the care and diligence of their Nurses: And then for Youth, which is in such reputation every where; how do all men favour it, study to advance it, and lend it their helping hand? And whence, I pray, all this Grace? Whence, but from me? by whose kindness, as it understands, as little as may be, it is also for that reason, the higher privileged from exceptions; and I am mistaken, if, when it is grown up, and, by experience and discipline, brought to savour something like Man, if in the same instant that beauty does not fade, it's liveliness decay, it's pleasantness grow flat, and its briskness fail: And by how much the further it runs from me, by so much the less it lives, till it comes to (— molesta Senectus) the burden of Old ●ge, not only hateful to others, but to itself also: Which also were altogether insupportable, did not I pity its condition, in being present with it, and, as the Poets-gods were wont to assist such as were dying with some pleasant Metamprphasis, help their decrepitness, as much as in me lies, by bringing them back to a second childhood, from whence they are not improperly called (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Twice-childrens: Which, if ye ask ●ne how I do it, I shall not be shy in the point. ●bring them to our River Lethe (for its springhead rises in the Fortunate Islands; and ●hat other of Hell, is but a Brook in comparison) from which, as soon as they have drunk flown a long forgetfulness, they wash away by ●legrees, the perplexity of their minds, and so wax young again: But perhaps, you'll say, They are foolish & deting: Admit it; 'Tis the very essence of Childhood; as if to be such ●ere not to be a fool? Or that, that condition had any thing pleasant in it, but that it understood nothing? for, who would not look upon that Child as a Prodigy, that should have as much Wisdom as a Man? according ●o that common Proverb (Odi puerulum praececi sapientiâ) I do not like a Child that is a Man too soon: Or who would endure a Con●verse, or Friendship with that Old-man, who, to so large an experience of things, had joined an equal strength of mind, and sharpness of judgement? And therefore for this reason it is, that Old-age dotes; and that it does so, it is beholding to me: yet not withstanding, is this dotard exempt from all those cares that distract a Wiseman; he is not the less pot-Companion; ●or is he sensible of that burden of life, which the more manly Age finds enough to do to stand upright under't: And sometimes too, like Pla●tus's Old-man, he returns to his three Letters (A. M. O.) the most unhappy of all things living, if he rightly understood, wha● he did in't: And yet, so much do I befriend him, that I make him well received of his friends, and no unpleasant Companion; for as much as, according to Homer, N●stor's discourse was pleasanter than H●ney,— Melle dulcior fluit Oratios whereas Achilles' was both bitter and malicious; and that of Old-men, as he has it in another place, florid: In which respect also, they have this advantage of children, in that they want the only pleasure of tother's life, we'll suppose it prattling: Add to this, that old men are more eagerly delighted with children, and they again, with Old-men (— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) like to like, quoth the Devil to the Collier: For what difference between them, but that the one has more wrinkles and years upon his head than the other? Otherwise the brightness of their hair, toothless mouth, weakness of body, love of Milk, broken speech, chatting, toying, forgetfulness, inadvertency; and, briefly, all other their actions, agree in every thing: and by how much the nearer they approach to this Old-age, by so much they grow backward, into the likeness of Children; until, like them, they pass from life, to death, without any weariness of the one, or sense of t'other: And, now, let him that will, compare the benefits they receive by me, with the Metamorphoses of the Gods; of whom, I shall not mention, what they have done in their pettish humours, but where they have been most favourable; turning one into a Tree, another into a Bird, a third into a Grasshopper, Serpent, or the like; as if there were any difference between perishing, and being another thing! But I restore the same man, to the best, and happiest part of his life. And if Men would but refrain from all commerce with Wisdom, and give up themselves to be governed by me, they should never know, what it were to be old, but solace themselves with a perpetual youth: Do ●ut observe our grim Philosophers, that are perpetually beating their brains on knotty Subjects, and for the most part, you'll find ●em grown old, before they are scarce young; and whence is it, but that their continual, and restless thoughts, insensibly prey upon their spirits, and dry up their Radical Moisture? Whereas, on the contrary, my fat fools, are as plump, and round as a Westphalian Hogg; and never sensible of old age, unless perhaps, as sometimes it rarely happens, they come to be infected with Wisdom; So hard a thing it is, for a man to be happy in a●● things: and to this purpose, is that no sma●● testimony of the Proverb, that says, Folly 〈◊〉 the only thing, that keeps Youth at a stay, a● Old age afar off; as it is verified in the Braba●ders, of whom, there goes this common fa●ing, That Age, which is wont to render other M● wiser, makes them the greater Fools; and ye● there is scarce any Nation, of a more jocund converse, or that is less sensible of the misery of Old age, than they are: And to these as in situation, so for manner of living, comnearest, my friends the Hollanders; and wh● should I not call them mine, since they are 〈◊〉 diligent observers of me, that they are com● monly called by my name? of which they are 〈◊〉 far from being ashamed, they rather pride themselves in't: Let the foolish world than b● packing, and seek out Medea's, Circe's, Ven●●ses, Aurora's, and I know not what other Fountains of restoring Youth; I am sure, I am th● only person, that both can, and have mad● it good: 'Tis I alone, that have that wonderful Juice, with which Memnon's daughter prolonged the youth of her Grandfather Tithon I am that Venus, by whose favour, Phaon became so young again, that Sapph fell in love with him: Mine are those Herbs, if yet there be any such; mine those Charms, and mine that Fountain, that not only restores departed Youth, but, which is more desirable, pre●rves it perpetual: And if ye all subscribe to ●is Opinion, that nothing is better than south, or more execrable than Age, I conceive you cannot but see, how much ye are adepted to me, that have retained so great a ●od, and shut out so great an evil; But why 〈◊〉 I altogether spend my breath in speaking of ●ortals? View Heaven round, and let him at will, reproach me with my name, if he ●nd any one of the Gods, that were not stink●g, and contemptible, were he not made ●ceptable by my Deity: Whence is it that ●●cchus is always a Stripling, and bushy-haired? ●●t because he is mad, and drunk, and spends ●s life in Drinking, Dancing, Revels, and may-games, not having so much as the least ●ciety with Pallas: And lastly, he is so far ●●om desiring to be accounted wise, that he delights to be worshipped with Sports and gambols; nor is he displeased with the Proverb, that gave him the surname of Fool (Mo●cho stultior) A greater Fool than Bacchus; ●hich name of his was changed to Morychus, or that sitting before the gates of his Temple, ●e wanton Country people, were wont to bedaub him with new Wine, and Figgs: ●nd of scoffs, what not, hath not the ancient comedies thrown on him? O foolish God, say they, and worthy to be born as thou wert, of th● Father's th' gh: And yet, who had not rather b● thy Fool, and Sot, always merry, ever young and making sport for other people, than either Homer's Jupiter, with his crooked Council terrible to every one, or old Pan with his Hubbubs, or smutty Vulcan half covered with C●●ders, or even Pallas herself, so dreadful whither Gorgon's Head, and Spear, and a Counte●nance like Bul-beef: Why is Cupid always Portrayed like a Boy, but because he is a verWagg, and can neither do, nor so much a● think of any thing sober? Why Venus, ever i● her prime, but because of her affinity wit● me? Witness that colour of her Hair, so resembling my Father, from whence she is call'● (Venus aurea) the golden Venus: And lastly ever laughing, if ye give any credit to the Poets, or their followers, the Statuaries: Wha● Deity did the Romans ever more religioush odour, than that of Flora, the foundress of all pleasure? Nay, if ye should but diligently search the lives of the most sour, and morose of the Gods, out of Homer, and the rest of the Poets; you would find 'em all but so many pieces of Folly. And to what purpose should I run over any of the other gods tricks, when ye know enough of Jupiter's lose Loves? when that chaste Diana, shall so far forget her Sex, as to be ever hunting, and ready to perish for Endymion? But I had rather they should hear these things from Momus, from whom heretofore, they were wont to have their shares, till in one of their angry humours, they tumbled him, together with A●e, Goddess of Mischief, down headlong to the Earth, because his wisdom (forsooth) unseasonably disturbed their ●happiness: Nor since that, dares any mortal give him harbour, though I must confess, there wanted little, but that he had been received into the Courts of Princes, had not my companion Flattery reigned in chief there, with whom, and tother, there is no more correspondence, than between Lambs, and Wolves: from whence it is, that the Gods play the fool, with the greater liberty, and more content to themselves (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) doing all things carelessly, as says Father Homer, that is to say, without any one to correct them: For what ridiculous stuff is there, which that stump of the Figtree, Priapus does not afford 'em? What Tricks and Legerdemains, with which Mercury does not cloak his thefts? What buffoonery that Vulcan is not guilty of, while one while with his polt-foot, another, with his smutcht muzzle, another, with his impertinencies, he makes sport for the rest of the Gods? As also that old Fornicator Silenus, with his Countrey-dances, Polyphemus footing time to his Cycle hammers; the Nymphs with their Jigs; a● Satyrs with their Antics; whilst Pan mak● 'em all twitter, with some bawdy Ballad, whi●● yet they had rather hear, than the Muses themselves, and chief when they are well whitle● with Nectar: Besides, what should I mention what these Gods do, when they are half drunk▪ Now by my troth, so foolish, that I myself ca● hardly refrain laughter: But in these matter● 'twere better we remembered Harpocrates, le●● some Eavesdropping God or other, take u● whispering that, which Momus only, has th● privilege of speaking at length: And therefore, according to Homer's example, I think it high time to leave the Gods to themselves, and look down a little on the Earth; wherein likewise, you'll find nothing frolic, or fortunate, that it owes not to me: So provident has that great Parent of Mankind, Nature, been, that there should not be any thing without its mixture, and, as it were, seasoning of Folly: For since according to the definition of the Stoics, Wisdom is nothing else, than to be governed by reason; and, on the contrary, Folly, to be given up to the will of our Passions; that the life of man, might not be altogether disconsolate, and hard to away with, of how much more Passion, than Reason, has Jupiter composed us? putting in, as one would say (Semiunciam ad ●●●em) scarce half an ounce, to a pound: Besides, ●e has confined Reason, to a narrow corner of ●●e brain, and left all the rest of the body, to ●●r Passions: As also, set up against this one, ●●o, as it were masterless Tyrants; Anger, ●●at possesseth the region of the heart, and consequently, the very Fountain of life, ●●e Heart itself; and Lust, that stretcheth its ●mpire every where; against which double ●orce, how powerful Reason is, let common experience declare; inasmuch as she, which yet is all she can do, may call out to us ●ill she be hoarse again, and tell us the Rules of Honesty, and Virtue, while they, give up the Reins to their Governor, and make a hideous clamour, till at last, being wearied, he suffer himself to be carried, whither they please to hurry him: But forasmuch as such, as are born to the business of the world, have some little sprinklings of Reason, more than the rest, yet, that they may the better man●age it, even in this, as well as in other things, they call me to counsel; and I give 'em such, as is worthy of myself, to wit, That they take to 'em a wife; a silly thing (God wots) and foolish, yet wanton, and pleasant, by which means, the roughness of the Masculine temper, is seasoned, and sweetened by her folly: For, in that Plato seems to doubt, under which Genus, he should put woman, to wit, that of rational Creatures, or Brutes, he intended no other in it, than to show the apparent folly of the Sex; for, if perhaps any of them goes about, to be thought wiser than the rest, what else does she do, but play the fool twice; as if a man should (Bovem ad ceroma) teach a Cow to dance (invita, reluctanteque, Minerva) a thing quite against the hair: For, as it doubles the crime, if any one should put a disguise upon Nature, or endeavour to bring her to that, she will in no wise bear, according to that Proverb of the Greeks (Simia, est simia, etiamsi purpurâ vestiatur) An Ape, is an Ape, though clad in Scarlet; So, a woman, is a woman still, that is to say, foolish, let her put on what ever Vizard she please: But, by the way, I hope that Sex is not so foolish, as to take offence at this, that I myself, being a woman, and Folly too, have attributed Folly to them; For if they weigh it right, they needs must acknowledge, that they own it to Folly, that they are more fortunate than men. As first, their Beauty, which, and that not without cause, they prefer before every thing, since by its means they exercise a Tyranny even upon Tyrants themselves; otherwise, whence proceeds that sour look, rough skin, bushy beard, and such other things, as speak plain Old age in a man, but from that Disease of Wisdom? whereas women's Cheeks, are ever plump, and smooth, their Voice small, their Skin soft, as if they imitated a certain kind of perpetual Youth. Again, what greater thing do they wish in their whole lives, than that they may please the Men? For, to what other purpose are all those Dresses, Washeses, Baths, Curl, Slops, Perfumes, and those several little tricks, of setting their Faces, painting their Eyebrows, and smoothing their Skins? And now tell me, what higher Letters of Recommendation have they to men, than this Folly? For, what is it, they do not permit 'em to do? and to what other purpose, than that of pleasure? wherein yet, their folly is not the least thing that pleaseth; which how true it is, I think no one will deny, that does but consider with himself, what foolish Discourse, and odd Gambols, pass between a man, and his woman, as oft as he has a mind to be gamesome? And so I have shown ye whence the first and chiefest delight of man's life springs: But there are some, you'll say, and those too, none of the youngest, that have a greater kindness for the Pot, than the Petticoat, and place their chiefest pleasure in good fellowship: If there can be any great entertainment, without a woman at it, let others look to't; this I am sure, there was never any pleasant, which Folly gave not the relish to: Insomuch, that, if they find no occasion of Laughter, they send for (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 quempiam) one that may make it, or hire some Buffoon flatterer, whose ridiculous discourse, may put by the Gravity of the company: For, to what purpose were it, to clog our Stomaches with Dainties, Junkets, and the like Stuff; unless our Eyes, and Ears, nay, whole Mind, were likewise entertained with Jests, Merriments, and Laughter? But of these kind of second Courses, I am the only Cook; Though yet, those ordinary practices of our Feasts, as choosing a King, throwing Dice, drinking Healths, trolling it Round, dancing the Cushion, and the like, were not invented by the seven Wise Men, but myself, and that too, for the common pleasure of Mankind; The nature of all which things is such, that the more of Folly they have, the more they conduce to Humane Life, which, if it were unpleasant, did not deserve the name of Life; and other than such, it could not well be, did not these kind of Diversions, take off the troublesome impertinence, of our Relati●●s Visits: But perhaps there are some, that neglect this way of pleasure, and rest satisfied in ●●e enjoyment of their Friends, calling friendship the most desirable of all things; more necessary, than either air, fire, or water; so de●ectable, that he that shall take it out of the World, had as good put out the Sun; and last●●, so commendable, if yet that make any ●●ing to the matter, that neither the Philosopher's themselves, doubted to reckon it among ●●eir chiefest good: But what if I show you, ●●at I am both (prora & puppis) the beginning ●nd end, of this so great good also? Nor shall 〈◊〉 go about to prove it by Fallacies, Sorites, Dilemmas, or other the like subtleties of Logicians, ●ut (pingui, quod aiunt Minerva) after my blunt way, ●oint out the thing as clearly as 'twere with my ●inger: And now tell me, if to wink, slip o●er, be blind at, or deceived in, the vices of ●ur friends, nay, to admire, and esteem them ●or Virtues, be not, at least, the next degree ●o folly? What is it when one kisses his Mistress' freckle Neck, another the Wart on her Nose? When a Father shall swear, his squint-eyed Child is more lovely than Venus? what is this, I say, but mere folly? And so perhaps you'll cry it is; and yet, 'tis this only that joins friends together, and continues them so joined: I speak of ordinary men, of whom, none a●● born without their imperfections, and happy 〈◊〉 he, that is pressed with the least; for among wi●● Princes, there is either no friendship at all, o● if there be, 'tis unpleasant, and reserved, an● that too, but amongst a very few, 'twere a crime to say none: for that the greatest part of mankind are fools, nay, there is not any one, tha● dotes not in many things, and friendship (yo● know) is seldom made but amongst equals▪ And yet, if it should so happen, that there were a mutual goodwill between them, it i● in no wise firm, nor very long lived, that is to say, among such as are morose, and more circumspect than needs, as being Eagle-sighted into his friends faults, but so blear-eyed to their own, that they take not the least notice of the Wallet that hangs behind their own Shoulders: Since then the nature of Man is such, that there is scarce any one to be found, that is not subject to many errors, add to this, the great diversity of minds and studies, so many slips, oversights, and chances of humane life, and how is it possible, there should be any true friendship between those Argus's, so much as one hour, were it not for that, which the Greeks excellently call, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, and you may render by Folly, or good Nature, choose you whether? But what? Is not the Author and Parent of all our Love, Cupid, as blind as a beetle? and as with him (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉): all co●ours agree; so from him is it, that every one likes his own Sweeter-kin best, though never so hugly, and (ut cascus casc●m, & pupus pupam deamet) that an old man dotes on his old wife, and a boy on his girl; These things, are not only done every where, but laughed at too, yet, as ridiculous as they are, they make society pleasant, and (as it were) glue it together: And what has been said of Friendship, may more reasonably be presumed of Matrimony, which in truth, is no other, than an inseparable conjunction of life: Good God What Divorces, or what not, worse than that, would daily happen, were not the converse between a man and his wife, supported and cherished by flattery, apishness, gentleness, ignorance, dissembling, certain Retainers of mine also: Whoop holiday! how few marriages should we have, if the Husband should but through-examin, how many tricks, his pretty little Mop of Modesty, and Virgin as he believes, has played before she was married? And how fewer of them would hold together, did not most of the Wife's actions escape the Husband's knowledge, through his neglect or sottishness? And for this also, ye are beholding to me, by whose means it is, that the Husband is pleasant to his Wife, the Wife to her Husband, and the house kept in quiet: A man is laughed at, called Cuckoo, Cuckold, and I know not what, when seeing the Whore his Wife, weeping, he licks up her tears: But how much happier is it, to be thus deceived, than by being troubled with jealousy, not only to torment himself, but set all things in a hubbub? In fine, I am so necessary to the making of all society, and manner of life, both delightful, and lasting; that neither would the people long endure their Governors, nor the Servant his Master, nor the Master his Footman, nor the Scholar his Tutor, nor one friend another, nor the Wife her Husband, nor the Usurer the Borrower, nor a Soldier his Commander, nor one Companion another, unless all of them had their interchangeable failings, one while flattering, other while, prudently conniving, and generally sweetening one another, with some small relish of Folly: And now, you'd think I had said all, but ye shall hear yet greater things: Will he, I pray, love any one that hates himself? Or ever agree with another, who is not at peace with himself? Or beget pleasure in another, that is troublesome to himself? I think no one will say it, that is not more foolish than Folly: And yet, if ye should exclude me, there's no man, but would be so far from enduring another, that he would stink 〈◊〉 his own nostrils, be nauseated with his own action's, and himself become odious to himself; ●rasmuch as Nature, in too many things rather 〈◊〉 Stepdame than a Parent to us, has imprinted ●●at evil in men, especially such, as have lea●●●●dgment, that every one reputes him, of his ●wn condition, and admires that of others; Whence it comes to pass: that all her gifts, elegancy, and graces, corrupt and perish: For ●hat benefit is Beauty, the greatest blessing of Heaven, if it be mi●t with affectation? What ●outh, if corrupted with the severity of old ●ge? Lastly, What is that in the whole business of a man's life, he can do with any grace 〈◊〉 himself, or others (for it is not so much a ●hing of Art, as the very life of every Action, ●hat it be done with a good mien) unless this ●●y friend and companion, Self-love, be pre●ent with it? Nor does she without cause supply me the place of a Sister, since her whole endeavours are to act my part every where: For ●hat is more foolish, than for a man to study ●othing else, than how to please himself? To ●ake himself the object of his own admiration? And yet, what is there that is either delightful, or taking, nay rather, what not the contrary, that a man does against the hair? Take ●way this Salt of life, and the Orator may even sit still with his Action; the Musician wi● all his division, will be able to please no ma●● the Player be hist off the Siage; the Poet an● all his Muses, ridiculous; the Painter with h● Art, contemptible; and the Physician, with a● his Slip-slops, go a begging: Lastly, tho● wilt be taken (pro Nireo Th●rsites, pro Pha●● N●stor, pro Minerva sus; for an Ugly fellow, in● stead of a Beautiful; for Old and Decrepit, i● stead of Youthful; and, a Beast instead of a Wi●● man; A Child, instead of Eloquent; and in● stead of a well-bred man, a clown: So ne●cessary a thing it is, that every one flatter himself, and commend himself, to himself, before he can be commended by others: Lastly, Since it is the chiefest point of happiness (Quod sis, esse velis—) that a man is willing to ●e what he is, you have further abridged, i● this my Self-love, that no man's ashamed of hi● own face, no man of his own wit, no man 〈◊〉 his own parentage, no man of his own house no man of his manner of living, nor any man o● his own Country; so that a Highlander has n● desire to change with an Italian, a Thracian with an Athenian, nor a Scythian for the fortunate Islands: O the singular care of Nature that in so great a variety of things, has made al● equal! Where she has been sometime sparing of her gifts, she has recompensed it with the more of self-Love; though here I must con●ess, I speak foolishly, it being the greatest of ●ll other her Gifts: To say nothing, that no ●reat action was ever attempted, without ●●y Motion; or Art, brought to perfection, without my help: Is not War, the very Root, ●nd Matter of all Famed Enterprises? And ●et, what more foolish than to undertake it, for ● know not what trifles; especially, when both ●arties are sure, to lose more, than they get 〈◊〉 the bargain? For of those that are slain ● 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) not a word of them; And for the ●est, when both sides are close engaged (— & ●●uco crepuerunt cornua cantu) and the Trumpets ●ake an ugly noise, what use of those Wise ●en, I pray, that are so exhausted with study, ●●at their thin, cold Blood, has scarce ●●y spirits left? No, it must be those blunt, ●●t fellows, that by how much the more they ●●ceed in Courage, fall short in Understanding: Unless perhaps, one had rather choose 〈◊〉 mosthenes for a Soldier, who following ●●e example of Archilochius, threw away his ●rms, and betook him to his Heels,  he ●ad scarce seen his Enemy; as ill a Souldie●, 〈◊〉 happy an Orator: But Counsel, you'll say, 〈◊〉 not of least concern in matters of War. In 〈◊〉 General, I grant it; but this thing of War●●ng, is no part of Philosophy, but managed by Parasites, Panders, Thiefs, Cut-throa●● Ploughmen, Sots, Spendthrifts, and such other Dregs of Mankind, not Philosophers; wh● how unapt they are even for common converse, let Socrates, whom the Oracle of Apo●lo, though not so wisely, judged the wisest of 〈◊〉 men living, be witness; who stepping up, 〈◊〉 speak somewhat, I know not what, in public was forced to come down again, well laughed 〈◊〉 for his pains: Though yet in this, he wa● not altogether a fool, that he refused the appellation of Wise, and returning it ba● to the Oracle, delivered his opinion, That 〈◊〉 wise man should abstain, from meddling wit● public business; unless perhaps, he should have rather admonished us, to beware of Wisdom, if we intended to be reckoned among th● number of men; there being nothing but hi● Wisdom, that first accused, and aftewards sentenced him, to the drinking of his poison'● Cup; For while (as ye find him in Arist●phanes) Philosophying about Clouds, an● Ideas, measuring how far a Flea could leapand admiring that so small a creature as a Flye● should make so great a buzz, he meddled no● with any thing that concerned common life; But his Master being in danger of his head, his Scholar Plato is at hand, to wit, that famous Patron, that being disturbed with the noise of the people, could not go through half his ●●t Sentence: What should I speak of Theo●rastus, who being about to make an Oration, became as dumb, as if he had met a Wolf ●his way, which yet, would have put cou●ge in a Man of War? Or Isocrates, that was ●cow-hearted, that he durst never attempt it? 〈◊〉 Tully, that great Founder of the Roman loquence, that could never begin to speak, without an odd kind of trembling, like a Boy, ●●t had got the Hick-cop; which, Fabius in●prets, as an argument of a wise Orator, and ●●e that was sensible of what he was doing; ●●d while he says it, does he not plainly con●●s, that Wisdom is a great obstacle, to the ●●e management of business? What would come of 'em, think ye, were they to fight it ●t at blows, that are so dead through fear, ●en the Contest is only with empty words? ●nd next to these, is crved up, forsooth, that ●odly sentence of Plato's, Happy is that Commonwealth, where a Philosopher is Prince, or whose ●ince is addicted to Philosophy; when yet, if ye ●●sult Historians, you'll find no Princes, ●●re pestilent to the Commonwealth, than ●ere the Empire has fallen, to some smatter in Philosophy, or one given to Letters: 〈◊〉 the truth of which, I think the Cato's give efficient credit; of whom, the one, was ever distarbing the peace of the Commonwealth with his hare-brained accusations; the other while he too wisely vindicated its liberty, qui●● overthrew it. Add to this, the Bruti, Cass●● nay Cicero himself, that was no less pernicio● to the Commonwealth of Rome, than was D●m●sthenes, to that of Athens: Besides, M●● Antoninus (that I may give ye one instance that there was once, one good Emperor; fo● with much ado, I can make it out) was be come burdensome, and hated of his Subjects upon no other score, but that he was 〈◊〉 great a Philosopher: But admitting hi● good, he did the Commonwealth, more hur● in leaving behind him, such a Son, as he di● than ever he did it good, by his own Government: For these kind of Men, that are so given up to the study of Wisdom, are generally most unfortunate, but chief, in thei● Children; Nature it seems, so provident● ordering it, lest this mischief of Wisdoms should spread farther among mankind; fo● which reason, 'tis manifest why Cicero's Son wa● so dege●ate, and that wise Socrates' Children, as one has well observed, were more like their Mother, than their Father, that is t● say, Fools: However this were to be bor● with; if only as to public Employments the● were (Asini adlyram) L●ke a Sow upon a pai● 〈◊〉 Org●n●, were they an 〈…〉 to discharge even the common Offices of Life: Invite 〈◊〉 Wife man to a Feast, and he'll spoil the company, either with Morose silence, or troublesome D●sputes: Take him out to Dance, & you'll wear (Camelus saltans) a ●ow wou●d have done't bet●er: Bring him to the Theatre, and his very looks ●re enough to spoil all, till, like Cato, he take ●●n occasion of withdrawing, rather than put off ●is supercilious gravity: Let him fall into discourse, and (Lupus in fabula) he shall make more sudden stops, than if he had a Wolf be●ore him: Let him buy, or sell, or, in short, ●o about any of those things, without which, ●here is no living in this world, and you'll say, ●his piece of Wisdom, were rather a Stock, than 〈◊〉 Man; of so little use is he to himself, Country, or Friends; and all because he is wholly ignorant of common things, and lives a course of life, quite different from the people; by which means, 'tis impossible but that he con●ract a popular odium, to wit, by reason of ●he great diversity of their life, and souls: for, What is there at all done among men, that is ●ot full of Folly, and that too, from fools, and ●o fools? Against which universal practice, if any single one, shall dare to set up his throat, my advice to him is, that following the example of Timon, he retire into some desert, and there enjoy, 〈◊〉 wisdom to himself: But, 〈◊〉 return to my design; what power was it th●● drew those stony, oaken, and wild people into Cities, but slattery? for nothing else is signified, by Amphion, and Orpheus' Harp: Wha● was it, that when the common people of Rome were like to have destroyed all by their Mutiny reduced them to Obedience? Was it a Philosophical Oration? Least; But a ridiculous and childish Fable, of the Belly, and the re●● of the Members: And as good success had Themistocles, in his, of the Fox, and Hedgehog: What wise man's Oration could ever have done so much with the people, as Sertorius'● invention of his white Hind? Or his ridiculous Emblem, of pulling off a Horse's Tail, hair, by hair? Or as Lycurgus' his example o● his two Whelps? To say nothing of Minos, and Numa, both which, ruled their foolish multitudes, with Fabulous Inventions; with which kind of Toys, that great and powerful beast the People, are led any way: Again, what City ever received Plato's, or Aristotle's Laws, or Socrates' Precepts? But, on the contrary, what made the Decii devote themselves to the Infernal Gods? Or Q. Curtius to leap into the Gulf, but an empty, vain glory, a most bewitching Siren; and yet 'tis strange, it should be so condemned, by thore w●e Philosophers? For what is more foolish, say they, than for a Suppliant Suitor to flatter the people, to buy their favour with gifts, to court the applauses of so many fools, to please himself with their Acclamations, to be carried on the people's shoulders, as in triumph, and have a brazen Statue in the Market place? Add to this, the adoption of Names, and Surnames; those Divine Honours given to a man of no Reputation, and the Deification of the most wicked Tyrants, with public Ceremonies; Most foolish things, and such as one Democritus is too little to laugh at: Who denies it? And yet from this root, sprang all the great Acts of the Heroes, which, the Pens of so many Eloquent men, have extolled to the Skies: In a word, this Folly is that, that laid the foundation of Cities; and by it, Empire, Authority, Religion, Policy, and public Actions are preserved; neither is there any thing in Humane Life, that is not a kind of past me of Folly. But to speak of Arts, what set men's wits on work to invent, and transmit to Posterity, so many Famous, as they conceive, pieces of Learning, but the thirst of Glory? With so much loss of sleep, such pains, and travel, have the most foolish of men, thought to purchase themselves, a kind of I know what Fame, than which, nothing can be more vain; an● yet notwithstanding, ye own this advantage t● Folly, and, which is the most delectable of a● other, that ye reap the benefit of other me● madness: And now, having vindicated to m● self the praise of Fortitude, and Industry what think ye if I do the same, by that of Prudence? But some will say, You may as we● join Fire and Water; It may be so: But ye● I doubt not but to succeed even in this also, i● as ye have done hitherto, ye will but favour me with your attention: And first, if Prudenc● depends upon Experience, to whom is the honour of that name more proper? to the Wiseman, who partly out of modesty, and partly distrust of himself, attempts nothing; o● the Fool, whom neither Modesty, which h● never had, nor Danger, which he never considers, can discourage from any thing? Th● Wiseman, has recourse to the Books of th● Ancients, and from thence, picks nothing b● subtleties of words; The Fool, in undertaking, and venturing on the business of the world, gathers (if I mistake not) the true Prudence, such as Homer, though blind, may be said to have seen, when he said (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) The  child dreads the fire For there are two main obstacles to the knowledge of things, Modesty, that casts a mist before the understanding, and Fear, that having ●nci'd a danger, dissuades us from the attempt: But from these, Folly sufficiently frees ●s, and few there are, that rightly understand, ●f what great advantage it is, to blush at no●●ing, and attempt every thing: But if ye ●ad rather take Prudence for that, that con●sts in the judgement of things; Hear me, I beseech ye, how far they are from it, that yet ●rack of the name: For first, 'tis evident, ●hat all Humane things, like Alcibiades' (Sile●●i, or) rural Gods, carry a double face, but ●ot the least alike; so that, what at first sight, ●eems to be death, if you view it narrowly, ●ay prove to be life, and so, the contrary: What appears beautiful, may chance to be deformed; what wealthy, a very beggar; what ●nfamous, praiseworthy; what learned, a dunce; what lusty, feeble; what jocund, sad; what noble, base; what lucky, unfortunate; what friendly, an enemy; and what healthful, noisome: in short, view the insi●e of these Sileni, and you'll find them quite other, than what they appear; which, if perhaps it shall not seem so Philosophically spoken, I'll make it plain to you (Pinguiore M●●erva) after my blunt way. Who would not conceive a Prince, a great Lord, and abundant in every thing? But yet, being so ill furnished with the gifts of the mind, and ever thinking, he shall neve● have enough, he's the poorest of all men: An● then, for his mind, so given up to Vice, ' ● a shame how it enslaves him: I might in li● manner Philosophy of the rest; But let thi● one, for example's sake, be enough; yet wh● this: will some one say? have patience, an● I'll show ye what I drive at: If any one seeing a Player acting his Part on a Stage, should g● about to strip him of his disguise, and she● him to the people in his true Native Form 〈◊〉 would he not, think ye, not only spoil th● whole design of the Play, but deserve himself to be pelted off with stones, as a Fantastical Fool, and one out of his wits? But nothing i● more common with them, than such changes. The same person, one while personating 〈◊〉 Woman, and another while, a Man; now a● Youngster, and by and by, a grim Signior 〈◊〉 now a King, and presently a Peasant; now ● God, and in a trice again, an ordinary Fellow: But to discover this, were to spoil all, it being the only thing that entertains the Eyes of the Spectators: And what is all this Life but a kind of Comedy, wherein, men walk up and down in one another's Disguises, and Act their respective Parts, till the property-man brings 'em back to the Tiring House: And yet, he often order a different Dress, and makes him, that came but just now off, in the ●obes of a King, put on the Rags of a Beg●er: Thus are all things represented by Counterfeit, and yet without this, there were no ●ving: And here, if any wise man, as it ●ere, dropped from Heaven, should start up, and ●ry, This great thing, whom the World looks ●pon for a God, and I know not what, is not so ●uch as a Man, for that, like a Beast, he is ●d by his Passions, but the worst of Slaves, ●asmuch as he gives himself up willingly to so ●any, and such detestable Masters: Again, if ●e should bid a man that were bewailing the ●eath of his Father, to laugh, for that he now ●egan to live, by having got an Estate, without which, Life is but a kind of Death: Or ●all another, that were boasting of his Family, ●l begotten, or base, because he is so far removed from Virtue, that is the only Fountain ●f Nobility: and so of the rest; what else ●ould he get by't, but be thought himself ●ad, and Frantic? for as nothing is more ●olish than preposterous Wisdom; so nothing is more unadvised, than a froward, un●easonable Prudence; and such is his, that ●oes not comply with the present time (Et ●ro noluit vit) and order himself as the Mar●et goes, but forgetting that Law of Feasts (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) either drink, or begun, undertakes to disprove, a common received Op● nion; whereas, on the contrary, 'tis the pa● of a truly Prudent man, not to be wise be● yond his Condition; but, either to take 〈◊〉 notice of what the world does, or run with i● for company: But this is foolish you'll say nor shall I deny it, provided always ye be 〈◊〉 civil on t'other side, as to confess, that th● is, to Act a Part in that World: But, O y● Gods (Eloquar an sileam?— shall I spea● or hold my tongue? But why should I be silen● in a thing, that is more true, than truth itself. However, it might not be amiss perhaps, in 〈◊〉 great an Affair, to call forth the Muses from Helicon, since the Poets, so often invoke 'em upon every foolish occasion: Be present the● awhile, and assist me, ye Daughters of Jupiter, while I make it out, that there is no way, to that so much Famed Wisdom, nor access to that Fortress, as they call it, of Happiness, but under the Banner of Folly: And first, 'tis agreed of all hands, that our passions belong to Folly; inasmuch as we judge a wise Man, from a Fool, by this, that the one is ordered by them, the other, by Reason; and therefore the Stocks, remove from a wise man, all disturbances of Mind, as so many Diseases: But these Passions, do not only the Office of a Tutor, to such as are making towards the Port or Wisdom, but a●e, in every exercise ●f Virtue, as it were, Spurs, and Incentives, ●ay, and Encouragers to well doing: which, ●hough that great Stoic Seneca most strongly ●enys, and takes from a wise man, all affection's whatever; yet in doing that, he leaves ●im not so much as a Man, but rather, a new ●ind of God, that was never yet, nor ever ●ike to be: Nay, to speak plainer, he sets up 〈◊〉 stony Semblance of a Man, void of all Sense ●nd common feeling of Humanity: And much good to them with this Wise Man of theirs, ●et them enjoy him to themselves, love him without Competitors, and live with him in Plato's Commonwealth, the Country of Ideas, or Tantalus' Orchards: For who would not shun, and startle at such a man, as at some annatural accident, or Spirit? A man dead to all sense of Nature, and common affections, and no more moved with Love, or Pity (Q●án 〈◊〉 dura silex, aut stet Marpesia cautes) than ●f he were a Flint, or Rock; whose censure, nothing escapes; that commits no errors himself, but has a Lynx's eyes upon others; measures every thing by an exact Line, and forgives nothing; pleases himself, with himself only; the only Rich, the only Wise, the only Free Man, and only King; in brief, the only man, that is every thing, but in his own lingle judgement only; that cares not fo● the Friendship of any man, being himself a friend to no man; makes no doubt, to mak● the Gods stoop to him, and condemns, an● laughs at the whole Actions of our Life 〈◊〉 and yet, such a Beast, is this their perfect Wise Man: But tell me pray, if the thing were to be carr●d by most voices, what City would choose him for its Governor, or wha● Army desire him for their General? Wha● Woman would have such a Husband; wha● Goodfellow, such a Guest; or what Servant, would either wish, or endure such 〈◊〉 Master? Nay, who had not rather have on● of the middle sort of Fools, who being a Fool himself, may the better know how t● command, or obey Fools; and who, thought he please his like, 'tis yet the greater number, One that is kind to his Wife, merry among his Friends, a Boon Companion, and easier to be lived with, and lastly, one that thinks, nothing of Humanity should be a stranger to him: But I am weary of this Wise Man, and therefore I'll proceed to some other advantages. Go to then: Suppose a man in some lofty high Tower, and that he could look round him, as the Poets say, Jupiter was now and then wont; To how many misfortunes would he find the life of man subject? how miserable, to say no worse, our ●th, how difficult our Education, to how ●ny wrongs our Childhood exposed, to at pains, our Youth, how unsupportable 〈◊〉 Old-age, and grievous, our unavoid●e Death? as also, what Troops of Dis●es beset us, how many Casualties hang ●r our Heads, how many Troubles invade 〈◊〉 and how little there is, that is not steeped 〈◊〉 Gall? to say nothing of those evils one man ings upon another, as Poverty, Imprison●nt, Infamy, Dishonesty, Racks, Snares, lechery, Reproaches, Actions, Deceits—. ●t I'm got into as endless a work as num●ng the Sands—. For what offences Man●d have deserved these things, or what ●gry God compelled 'em to be born into ●h miseries, is not my present business: ●t he that shall diligently examine it with ●nself, would he not, think ye, approve the ●●mple of the Milesian Virgins (and kill ●nself): but who are they, that for no ●er reason, but that they were weary of 〈◊〉, have hastened their own Fate? were they ●t the next Neighbours to Wisdom? A●●ngst whom, to say nothing of Diegenes, socrates', Cato, Cassius, Brutus, that Wise ●n Chiron, being offered Immortality, chose ●her to die, than be troubled with the same thing always: And now I think, ye 〈◊〉 what would become of the World, if 〈◊〉 men should be wise; to wit, 'twere necessary we got another kind of Clay, and so● better Potter: But I, partly through ignorance, partly unadvisedness, and sometime through forgetfulness of evil, do now and the so sprinkle pleasure, with the hopes of goo● and sweeten men up, in their greatest m● fortunes, that they are not willing to lea● this life, even then, when according to 〈◊〉 account of the Destinys, this life has left the● and by how much the less reason they ha● to live, by so much the more, they desire 〈◊〉 so far are they from being sensible of the lea● wearisomeness of life: Of my gift it is, th● ye have so many old Nestor's every where, th● have scarce left 'em, so much as the shape 〈◊〉 a Man; Stutterers, Dotards, Toothless, Grey hai●'d, Bald; or rather to use the words 〈◊〉 Aristophanes (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) N●sty, Crump● Miserable, Shrivelled, Bald, Toothless, and waning their Baubles: Yet so delighted with life and to be thought young, that one dies his gra● hairs; another, covers his baldness with 〈◊〉 Periwigg; another, gets a set of new Teeth another, falls desperately in love with a youn● Wench, and keeps more flickering about he● than a young man would have been a shamed of: ●r to see such an old crooked piece, with one ●ot in the grave, to marry a plump young ●ench, and that too, without a portion, and ●r the use of others, is so common, that men most expect, to be commended for it: But ●e best sport of all, is, to see our old Women, ●en dead with age, and such skeletons, one ●ould think they had stolen out of their graves, ●d ever mumbling in their mouths, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Life is sweet; and as old as they are, still ●tterwawling, and goatish, to which purpose ●ey spare no cost, to compass some young Stallon, daily plastering their face, scarce ever ●om the glass, rubbing up their old Puss, ●●ing out their shrivelled, lank Breasts, coun●rfeiting the tremble of a young Wench to ●ovoke an appetite, gossipping, dancing, and writing Love-letters: These things are laughed ● as foolish, as indeed they are; yet they please ●emselves, live merrily, swim in pleasure, ●d, in a word, are happy, by my courtesy: ●ut I would have them, to whom these things ●em ridiculous, to consider with themselves, ●hether it be not better to live so pleasant a ●e, in such kind of follies, than, as the P●o●rb goes, To take a Halter and hang themselves: ●esides, though these things may be subject 〈◊〉 censure, it concerns not my fools in the least, in as much as they take no notice of or, if they do, they easily neglect it: I stone fall upon a man's head, that's evil inde● but dishonesty, infamy, villainy, ill repot carry no more hurt in them, than a ma● sensible of; and if a man have no sense them, they are no longer evil: What 〈◊〉 thou the worse (— Si populus te sibilet, 〈◊〉 tibi plaudas) If the people hisse at thee, 〈◊〉 thou applaud thyself? And that a man be 〈◊〉 to do so, he must owe it only to Folly: But 〈◊〉 thinks I hear the Philosophers opposing it, 〈◊〉 saying, 'tis a miserable thing for a man to foolish, to err, mistake, and know nothing 〈◊〉 lie: Nay rather, this is to be a man: 〈◊〉 why they should call it miserable, I see 〈◊〉 reason; forasmuch, as we are so born, so br● so instructed, nay, such is the common contion of us all; And nothing can be called mi● rabble, that suits with its kind, unless perha● you'll think a man such, because he can neith fly with Birds, nor walk on all four with Bea● and is not armed with Horns, as a Bull: for 〈◊〉 the same reason, he would call the Warl● Horse, unfortunate, because he understo● not Grammar, nor eat Cheesecakes; and 〈◊〉 Bull miserable, because he'd make so ill● Wrestler: And therefore, as a Horse 〈◊〉 has no skill in Grammar, is not miserable; 〈◊〉 more is man in this respect, for that they agree ●th his Nature: But again, the (Logodaedali) ●rtuosi, may say, that there was particularly ●ded to Man, the knowledge of Sciences, by ●ose help, he might recompense himself in ●nderstanding, for what Nature cut him short other things; As if this had the least face 〈◊〉 truth, that Nature, that was so solicitously ●tchful, in the production of Gnats, Herbs, ●d Flowers, should have so slept, when she ●de Man, that he should have need, to be ●lpt by Sciences, which, that old Devil ●euth, the evil Genius of mankind, first ●ented for his Destruction, and are 〈◊〉 little conducing to happiness, that they ra●er obstruct it; to which purpose, they are ●operly said, to be first found out, as that ●se King, in Plato, argues, touching the inition of Letters: Sciences therefore, crept ●o the world, with other the pests of man●d, from the same head, from whence all o●r mischiefs spring; we'll suppose it, Devils, 〈◊〉 so the name imports, when you call them ●emons, that is to say, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Knowing: 〈◊〉 that simple people of the golden Age, be 〈◊〉 wholly ignorant, of every thing called ●arning, lived only by the guidance, and ●tates of Nature; for what use of Grammar, ●ere every man spoke the same Language, and had no further design, than to understand one another? What use of Logic, where ther● was no bickering, about the double-meaning words? What need of Rhetoric, wher● there were no Lawsuits? Or to what pu po●● Laws, where the●e were no ill manners; from which, without doubt, good Laws first came▪ Besides, they were more religious, than wi●● an impious curiosity, to dive into the secrets 〈◊〉 Nature, the dimension of Stars, the motion's effects, and hidden causes of things; as believing it a crime, for any man to attempt 〈◊〉 be wise beyond his condition: And as to the Inquiry of what was beyond Heaven, that ma●ness never came into their heads: But the pority of the golden age, declining by degree first, as I said before, Arts were invented b● the evil Genii; and yet but few, and those to● received by fewer: After that, the Chalde● Superstition, and Greek new fangledness, th● had little to do, added I know not how man more; mere torments of Wit, and that 〈◊〉 great, that even Grammar alone is wo●● enough for any man, for his whole life▪ Though yet amongst these Sciences, those on● are in esteem, that come nearest to comm●● sense, that is to say, Folly: Divines are h●● starved; Naturalists out of heart; Astrologer laughed at, and Logicians slighted; only th● Physician (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) is worth all ●he rest: And amongst them too, the more unlearned, impudent, or unadvised he is, the more he is esteemed, even among Princes: for Physic, especially as it is now professed by most men, is nothing but a branch of Flattery, no ●ess than Rhetoric. Next them, the second place is given to our Law-drivers, if not the first; whose Profession, though I say it myself, most men laugh at, as the Ass of Philosophy; yet there's scarce any business, either so great, or small, but is managed by these Asses. These purchase their great Lordships, while ●n the mean time, the Divine, having run through the whole Body of Divinity, sits gnawing a Radish, and is in continual Warfare, with Lice, and Fleas: As therefore, those Arts are best, that have the nearest Affinity with Folly; so are they most happy of all others, that have least commerce with Sciences, and follow the guidance of Nature, who is in no wise imperfect, unless perhaps, we endeavour to leap over those bounds, she has appointed to us: Nature hates all false-colouring, and is ever best, where she is least adulterated with Art: Go to then, don't ve find among the several kinds of living Creatures, that they thrive best, that understand no more, than what Nature taught them? What is more prosperous, or wonderful than the Bee? An● though they have not the same judgement of sense, as other Bodies have; yet, where●● hath Architecture gone beyond their building of Houses? What Philosopher ever found th●● like Republic? Whereas the Horse, th●● comes so near man in understanding, and 〈◊〉 therefore so familiar with him, is also partake● of his misery: for while he thinks it a shame● to lose the Race, it often happens, that h● cracks his wind; and in the Battle, while h● contends for Victory, he's cut down himself, and together with his Rider (— terram 〈◊〉 momordit) lies biting the earth: Not to mention those strong Bits, sharp Spurs, close Stables, Arms, Blows, Rider, and, briefly, all that slavery he willingly submits to, while, imitating those men of Valour, he so eagerly strive● to be revenged of the Enemy: Than which, 〈◊〉 how much more, were the life of flies, or birds to be wished for, who living by the instinct of Nature, look no further than the present, if yet man, would but let 'em alone in it: And if at any time, they chance to be taken, and being shut up in Cages, endeavour to imitate our speaking, 'tis strange, how they degenerate from their native gaiety: So much better in every respect, are the works of Nature, than the adulteries of Art: In like manner, I can never sufficiently praise, that Pythagoras in a dunghill Cock, who being but one, had been ●t every thing; a Philosopher, a Man, a Wo●an, a King, a private man, a Fish, a Horse, Frog, and I believe too, a Sponge, and at ●t concluded, that no Creature, was more miserable than man, for that all other Crea●●res, are content with those bounds, that Na●re set them, only Man endeavours to exceed ●em: And again, among men, he gives the ●ecedency not to the learned, or the great, ●●t the Fool: Nor had that Gryllus less wit, ●an (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Ulysses with his ma●● counsels, who chose rather, to lie grunting 〈◊〉 a Hog-sty, than be exposed with t'other, to 〈◊〉 many hazards: Nor does Homer, that ●ather of trifles, descent from me, who ●ot only called all men, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) wretched and full of calamity, but often, his great ●attern of Wisdom Ulysses, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Miserable; Paris, Ajax, and Achilles, no where; And why I pray? but that, like a cunning fellow, and one that was his crafts-master, he did ●othing, without the advice of Pallas; In a ●ord, he was too wise, and by that means, ran wide of Nature: As therefore amongst men, ●hey are least happy, that study Wisdom, as ●eing in this twice-Fools, that when they are ●orn men, they should yet so far forget their condition, as to affect the life of Gods, and, a●●ter the Example of the Giants, with their Philosophical gimcracks, make a War upon Nature: In which respect, they seem as little miserable as is possible, who come nearest 〈◊〉 Beasts, and never attempt any thing beyond Man: Go to then; let's try, how demonstrable this is; not by Euthymems, or the imperfect Syllogisms of the Stoics, but by plain-down-right, and ordinary Examples: An● now, by the immortal Gods! I think nothing more happy, than that generation of men, w● commonly call, fools, idiots, lack-wits, and dolts; splendid Titles too, as I conceive 'em ● I'll tell ye a thing, which at first, perhaps may seem foolish, and absurd, yet nothing more true: And first, they are not afraid o● death; no small evil, by Jupiter! They a●● not tormented with the conscience of evil acts ● Not terrified with the fables of Ghosts, no● frighted with Spirits and Goblins: They are not distracted, with the fear of evils to come, nor the hopes of future good: In short, they are not disturbed, with those thousand of cares, to which this life is subject: They are neither modest, nor fearful, nor ambitious, nor envious, nor love they any man: And lastly, if they should come nearer, even to the very ignorance of Brutes, they could not sin, for so hold the Divines: And now, tell me, thou wise fool, ●ith how many troublesome cares thy mind is continually perplexed; heap together all the discommodities of thy life, and then thou'lt ●●e sensible, from how many evils, I have delivered my Fools: Add to this, that they are ●ot only merry, play, sing, and laugh themselves, but make mirth where ever they come, 〈◊〉 special privilege, it seems, the Gods have ●iven 'em, to refresh the pensiveness of life: Whence it is, that whereas the world is so differently affected, one towards another, that ●ll men indifferently admit them, as their companions; desire, feed, cherish, embrace them, ●ake their parts upon all occasions, and permit ●em, without offence, to do, or say, what they ●ist; And so little doth every thing desire to ●urt them, that even the very Beasts, by a ●ind of natural instinct of their innocence, no doubt, pass by their injuries: for of them, it ●ay be truly said, that they are consecrate to ●he Gods, and therefore, and not without ●ause, do men have 'em in such esteem: Whence is it else, that they are in so great request with Princes, that they can neither eat, ●or drink, go any whither, or be an hour without them? Nay, and in some degree, they prefer these Fools, before their crabbish Wisemen, whom yet they keep about them, for State-sake, Nor do I conceive the reason so difficult, or that it should seem strange, why they are preferred before t'thers, for that these wise men, speak to Princes about nothing, but grave, serious matters, and trusting to their own parts and learning, do not fear sometimes (Auriculas tener as mordaci radere vero) To gra● their tender ears, with smart truths; but fool's fit 'em with that they most delight in, as jests, laughter, abuses of other men, wanton pastimes, and the like: Again, take notice of this no contemptible blessing, which Nature hath given fools, that they are the only plain, honest men, and such as speak truth; And what i● more commendable, than truth? for thought that Proverb, of A●cibiades in Plato, attributed Truth to Drunkards, and Children, yet the praise of it, is particularly mine, even from the testimony of Euripides, amongst whose other things, there is extant that his honourable saving concerning us (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) A fool speaks foolish things: for whatever a fool has in his heart, he both shows it in his looks, and expresses it in his discourse; While the wise men's, are those two Tongues, which the same Euripides mentions, whereof the one, speaks truth, the other, what they judge most seasonable for the occasion: These are they (— qui nigrum in candida vertunt) that turn● black into white, blow hot, and cold with the each, and carry a far different meaning in ●ir Breast, from what they feign with their ●ngue: Yet in the midst of all their prospe●y, Princes, in this respect, seem to me, most fortunate, because, having no one to tell ●em truth, they are forced to receive flatte●●s for friends: But some one may say, the ●●s of Princes are strangers to truth, and 〈◊〉 this reason, they avoid those Wise men, ●●cause they fear, lest some one, more frank ●n the rest, should dare to speak to them, ings rather true, than pleasant; for so the ●tter is, that they do'ned much care for ●th: And yet, this is found by experience, ●ong my Fools, that not only Truths, but ●en open reproaches are heard with plea●e; so that the same thing, which if it came ●m a wise man's mouth, might prove a Capil Crime, spoken by a Fool, is received with ●light: for Truth, carries with it, a certain ●culiar Power of pleasing, if no Accident 〈◊〉 in, to give occasion of offence: which ●ulty, the Gods have given only to Fools: ●●d for the same reasons is it, that Women are ●earnestly delighted with this kind of Men, ● being more propense by Nature to Plea●e, and Toys; And whatsoever they may uppen to do with them, although sometimes, it be none of the seriousest, yet they turn it 〈◊〉 Jest, and Laughter, as that Sex, was eve●quick-witted, especially, to colour their 〈◊〉 faults: But to return to the happiness 〈◊〉 Fools, who when they have passed over th●● life, with a great deal of Pleasantness, an● without so much as the least fear, or sense 〈◊〉 Death, they go strait forth into the Elys●● Field, to recreate their Pious, and Careless Souls, with such Sports, as they used here● Let's proceed then, and compare the condition, of any of your Wise Men, with that, 〈◊〉 this Fool: Fancy to me now, some example of Wisdom, you'd set up against him; O●● that had spent his Childhood, and Youth, 〈◊〉 learning the Sciences, and lost the sweete●● part of his life in Watch, Cares, Studie● and for the remaining part of it, never 〈◊〉 much as tasted, the least of pleasure; ev●● sparing, poor, sad, sour; unjust, and rigorous to himself, and troublesome, and hate●●● to others; broken with Paleness, Leanness Crasiness, sore Eyes, and an Old-age, and Death, contracted before their time: Though yet, what matter is it, when he die, that never lived? and such is the Picture of this great Wise Man: And here again, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) do those Frogs of the Stoicks● croak at me, and say, that nothing is more miserable than Madness; But, Folly is the next ●egree, if not the very thing. For what else 〈◊〉 Madness, than for a man to be out of his ●its? But to let 'em see, how they are ●ean out of the way, with the Muses good favour, we'll take this Syllogism in pieces: subtly argued I must confess; but, as Socrates' 〈◊〉 Plato teaches us, how by splitting one Ve●us, and one Cupid, to make two of either; in ●●ke manner, should those Logicians have ●one, and distinguished Madness, from Madness, 〈◊〉 at least they would be thought, to be well 〈◊〉 their wits themselves: For all Madness is ●ot miserable, or Horace had never called his ●oetical fury (amabilis insania) a beloved Madness: Nor Plato, placed the Raptures of ●oets, Prophets, and Lovers, amongst the chiefest Blessings of this Life: Nor that Sibyl in Virgil, called Aeneas' Travels, Mad Labours; But there are two sorts of Madness, the one, ●hat which the revengeful Furies, send privi●y from Hell, as often, as they let lose their Snakes, and put into men's breasts, either the desire of War, or an insatiate thirst after Gold, or some dishonest Love, or Parricide, or Incest, or Sacrilege, or the like Plagues; or when they terrify some guilty soul, with the Conscience of his Crimes; The other, but nothing like this, that which comes from me, and is of all other things the most desirable▪ Which happens, as oft as some pleasing dotage not only clears the mind of its troublesome cares, but renders it more jocund; And th● was that, which, as a special blessing of th● Gods, Cicero writing to his friend Attice wished to himself, that he might be the less se●sible of those miseries, that then hung over th● Commonwealth: Nor was that Grecian (i● Horace) much wide of it, who was so far ma●● that he would sit by himself, whole days in th● Theatre, laughing, and clapping his hands, 〈◊〉 if he had seen some Tragedy acting, where●● in truth, there was nothing presented; yet i● other things, a man well enough; pleasant among his Friends, kind to his Wife, and 〈◊〉 good a Master to his Servants (— signo l●● non insanire lagenae) that if they had broken th● Seal of his Bottle, he would not have run ma● for it: But at last, when by the care of hi● Friends, and Physic, he was freed from hi● Distemper, and become his own man against he thus expostulates with them (— Pol, 〈◊〉 occidistis, amici, Non servastis, ait, cui sic extorta voluptas) Now, by Pollux, my Friends, ye have rather killed, than preserved me, i● thus forcing me from my pleasure: By which you see, he liked it so well, that he lost it against his will; And, trust me, I think, they were the madder o'th' two, and had the greater ●eed of Hellebore, that should offer to look ●pon so pleasant a madness, as an evil to be removed by Physic; though yet, I have not determined, whether every Distemper of the Sense ●r Understanding, be to be called Madness: ●or neither he, that, having weak eyes, should ●●ke a Mule for an Ass, nor he, that should admire an insipid Poem, as excellent, would be presently thought mad; But he, that should not only want common sense, and fail in his judgement, and that too, more than ordinary, and ●pon all occasions; he, I must confess, would be ●●ought to come very near to it: As if any one ●earing an Ass bray, should take it for excellent music, or a Beggar conceive himself a King: And yet this kind of madness, if, as it commonly happens, it turn to pleasure, it ●rings a great delight, not only to them that ●re possessed with it, but to those also that behold 〈◊〉, though perhaps they may not be altogether ●o mad as the other; for the Species of this ●adness, is much larger than the people take 〈◊〉 to be: for one mad man laughs at another, ●nd beget themselves a mutual pleasure: Nor ●oes it seldom happen, that he that is the more ●ad, laughs at him that is less mad; And 〈◊〉 this, every man is the more happy, 〈◊〉 how many respects the more he is mad; and, if I were judge in the case, he should 〈◊〉 ranged in that Classis of Folly, that is peculiar● mine; which, in troth, is so large, and universal, that I scarce know, any one in all mankind, that is wise at all hours, or has not som● tang or other of madness; with this differen●● only, that if any one mistake a Woman, for 〈◊〉 Weathercock, he be, ipso facto, pronounce mad, because all men see the contrary; B●● where a man having a Wife, which he hold in common with his Neighbours, shall ye● swear, she's more chaste than Penelope, and hug● himself in his happy mistake, he, by no means is to be accounted mad, in as much as it is th● common case, of most Husbands: And 〈◊〉 this Classis also, do they appertain, that slight every thing, in comparison of hunting; an● protest, they take an unimaginable pleasure, 〈◊〉 hear the yell of the Horns, and the yelps 〈◊〉 the Hounds, and I believe, could pick somewhat extraordinary, out of their very excrement: And then, what pleasure they take 〈◊〉 see a Buck, or the like, unlaced? Let ordina● ry fellows cut up an Ox, or a Wether, ' twer● a crime to have this done, by any thing le●● than a Gentleman! who with his Hat off, o● his bare knees, and a Cuttoe for that purpose (for every Sword, or Knife, is not allowable) with a curious superstition, and certain postures, lays open the several parts, in their ●●spective order, while they that hemm him in, ●●mire it with silence, as some new religious ●eremony, though perhaps they have seen it, 〈◊〉 hundred times before: And if any of 'em ●ance to get the least piece of it, he presently ●●nks himself no small Gentleman: In all ●ich, they drive at nothing more, than to come Beasts themselves, while yet they ima●●, they live the life of Princes: And next ●●ese, may be reckoned those, that have such 〈◊〉 itch of Building; one while changing ●●unds into Squares, and presently again ●●adrata rotundis) Squares into Rounds: never ●owing, either measure, or end, till at last, educed to the utmost poverty, there remains ●t to them, so much as a place where they ●y lay their head, or wherewith to fill their ●lyes? And why all this? But that they may ●s over a few years, in feeding their foolish ●cies: And, in my opinion, next these may 〈◊〉 reckoned, such, as with their new inventi●s, and occult arts, undertake to change the ●●ms of things, and hunt all about, after a cer●●● fifth Essence; Men so bewitched with this ●esent hope, that it never reputes them of their ●●ns, or expense; but are ever contriving, ●●w they may cheat themselves, till having ●●nt all, there is not enough left them, to provide another furnace: And yet they have no● done dreaming these their pleasant Dreams, but encourage others, as much as in them lies, to the same Happiness: And at last, when they are quite lost, in all their Expectations, they cheer up themselves with this Sentence— (l● mognis, vel voluisse sat est) In great things, the very attempt is enough: and then complain, o● the shortness of man's life, that is not sufficient for so great an Undertaking. And the● for Gamesters, I am a little doubtful, whether they are to be admitted, into our College; and yet, 'tis a foolish, and ridiculous sight, to see some addicted so to't, that they ca● no sooner hear the rattling of the Dice, b●● their heart leaps, and dances again: And thei● when, time after time, they are so far drawn on, with the hopes of winning, that they have made shipwreck of all, and having split their Ship, on that Rock of Dice (non pau●ò for midabiliorem Malea) no less terrible, than the Bishop and's Clerks, scarce got alive to shore, they choose rather, to cheat any man (of their ju●● Debts) than not pay the money they lost, lest otherwise, forsooth, they be thought no men o● their words. Again, what is it, I pray, to see old fellows, and half blind, to play with Spectacles? Nay, and when a justly-deserved Gout, has knotted their Knuckles, to hire 〈◊〉 Caster, or one that may put the Dice in the Box for them? A pleasant thing I must confess, did it not, for the most part, end in quarrels, and therefore, belongs rather to the Furies, than Me. But there is no doubt, but that, that kind of men, are wholly ours, who love to hear, or tell feigned Miracles, and strange lies, and are never weary of any Tale, though never so long, so it be of Ghosts, Spirits, Goblins, Devils, or the like; which the farther they are from truth, the more readily they are believed, and the more do they tickle their itching ears: And these, serve not only to pass away time, but bring profit, especially, to Mass Priests, and Pardoners: And next to these are they, that have gotten a foolish, but pleasant persuasion, that if they can but see a Wooden or painted Polypheme Christopher, they shall not die that day; or do but salute a carved- Barbara, in the usual set Form, that he shall return safe from Battle; or make his application to Erasmus, on certain days, with some small Wax Candles, and proper Prayers, that he shall quickly be rich: Nay, they have gotten an Hercules, another Hippolytus, and a St. George, whose Horse, most religiously set out, with Trappings, and Bosses, there wants little, but they worship; however, they endeavour to make him their friend, by some Present or other; and to swear by hi● Masters Brazen Helmet, is an Oath for a Prince: or what should I say of them, th●● hug themselves, with their counterfeit Pardons; that have measured Purgatory by a● Hourglass, and can, without the least mistake, demonstrate its Ages, Years, Months, Days, Hours, Minutes, and Seconds, as it were in a Mathematical Table? Or what of those, who having confidence in certain Magical charms, and short Prayers invented by some pious Impostor, either for his Soul's health, or profits sake, promise to themselves every thing; Wealth, Honour, Pleasure, Plenty, good Health, long Life, lively Old-age, and the next place to Christ in the other World, which yet they desire may not happen too soon, that is to say, before the pleasures of this life has left them: And now suppose, some Merchant, Soldier, or Judge, out of so many Rapines, parts with some small piece of money; he strait conceives, all that sink of his whole life, quite cleansed; so many Perjuries, so many Lusts, so many Debaucheries, so many Contentions, so many Murders, so many Deceits, so many breaches of Trust, so many Treacheries bought off, as it were by compact; and so bought off, that they may begin upon a new score: But what is more foolish than those, or rather more happy, 〈…〉 reciting those seven verses of the Psalms, promise to themselves, more than the top of Felicity: which Magical verses, some Devil or other, a merry one without doubt, but more a Blab of his Tongue than crafty, is believed to have discovered to St. Bernard, but not without a Trick; and these are so foolish, that I am half ashamed of 'em myself, and yet they are approved, and that not only by the common people, but even the Professors of Religion. And what, are not they also almost the same where several Countries avouch to themselves their peculiar Saint, and as every one of them has his particular gift, so also, his particular Form of Worship? As, one is good for the Toothache; another, for Groaning-women; a third, for Stolen Goods; a fourth, for making a Voyage Prosperous; and a fifth, to cure Sheep of the Rot; & so of the rest, for it would be too tedious to run over all: And some there are, that are good for more things than one; but chief, the Virgin Mother, to whom, the common people, do in a manner attribute more, than to the Son: Yet what do they beg of these Saints, but what belongs to Folly? To examine it a little: among all those offerings, which are so frequently hung up in Churches, nay up to the very Roof of some of 'em; did you ever see the least acknowledgement from any one, that had left his Folly, or grown a Hairs-breadth the wiser? One escapes a Shipwreck, and gets safe to Shore. Another, run through in a Duel, recovers; Another, while the rest were fight, ran out of the Field, no less luckily, than valiantly; Another, condemned to be hanged, by the favour of some Saint or other, a friend to Thiefs, got off himself by impeaching his fellows; Another escaped by breaking Prison; Another recovered from his Fever in spite of his Physician; Another's poison turning to a looseness, proved his Remedy, rather than Death; and that to his Wife's not small sorrow, in that she lost both her labour and her charge: Another's Cart broke, and he saved his Horses; Another preserved from the fall of a House; Another taken tardy by her Husband, persuades him out of't; All these hang up their Tablets, but no one gives thanks for his recovery from Folly; so sweet a thing it is, not to be Wise, that, on the contrary, men rather pray against any thing, than Folly: But why do I launch out into this Ocean of Superstitions?  
(Non mihi si centum linguae sint, oraque centum,  
Ferrea vox, omnes fatuorum evolvere forma●,  
Omnia stultitiae percurrere nomina possim:)  
Had I an hundred Tongues, as many Mouths, ●nd a Voice never so strong, yet were I not ●ble to run over the several forts of Fools, or ●ll the names of Folly; so thick do they swarm ●very where: and yet our Priests, make no scruple to receive, and cherish 'em, as proper instruments of profit; whereas if some scur●y Wise fellow should step up, and speak ●hings as they are; as, To live well, is the way ●o die well; The best way, to get quit of sin, ●s to add to the money thou giv●t, the Hatred of sin, Tears, Watch, Prayers, Fast, and amendment of life; Such, or such a Saint will favour thee, if thou imitatest his life; These, I say, and the like, should this Wise man chat to the people, from what happiness, into how great troubles would he draw 'em? Of this College also are they, who in their life-time appoint, with what solemnity they'll be buried, and particularly set down, how many Torches, how many Mourners, how many Singers, how many Alms-men they will have at it; as if any sense of it could come to them, or that it were a shame to them that their Corpse were not honourably interred; so curious are they herein, as if like the Aediles of old, these were to present some Shows, or Banquet to the people: and though I am in haste, yet I cannot yet pass by them, who though they differ nothing, from the meanest Cobbler, yet 'tis scarcely credible, how they flatter themselves with the empty Title of Nobility; One derives his Pedigree from Aeneas, another, from Brutus, a third, from the Star by the Tail of Ursa Major: They show you on every side, the Statues and Pictures of their Ancestors; Run over their great Grandfathers, and great great Grandfathers of both Lines, and the Ancients Matches of their Families: when themselves yet, are but once removed from a Statue, if not worse, than those trifles they boast of; and yet by means of this pleasant self-love, they live a happy life. Nor are they less Fools, who admire these Beasts, as if they were Gods: But what do I speak of any one or tother particular kind of men, as if this self-Love, had not the fame effect every where, and rendered most men, superabundantly happy? As when a fellow, more deformed than a Baboon, shall believe himself handsomer, than Homer's Nireus; Another, as soon as he can draw two or three lines with a Compass, presently think himself an Euclid. A third (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) that understands Music no more than my Horse, and for his voice, 
(— Quo deterius nec  
Ille sonat, quo mordetur Gallina marito.)  ●s hoarse as a Dunghil-Cock, shall yet conceive himself another Hermogenes: But of all madness, that's the most pleasant, when a man seeing another, any way excellent, in what he ●retends to himself, makes his boasts of it, as confidently, as if it were his own: And such ●●as that rich fellow in Seneca, who when ever ●e told a story, had his servants at his elbow, 〈◊〉 prompt him the names; and to that height ●●ad they flattered him, that he did not question but he might venture a rubbers at cuffs, a ●an otherwise so weak, he could scarce stand, emely presuming on this, that he had a company of sturdy servants about him: Or, to ●hat purpose is it, I should mind ye of our professors of Arts? Forasmuch as this Self-love, is so natural to them all, that they had ●ather part with their Father's land, than their ●olish Opinions; but chiefly Players, Fiddlers, Orators, and Poets, of which, the ●ore ignorant each of them is, the more insolently he pleases himself, that is to say, Vaunts, and Spreads out his Plumes: And (inveniunt similes, labra, lactucas) like ●ips, find like Lettuce; nay, the more foolish any thing is, the more 'tis admired, the greate● number, being ever tickled, at the worst things because, as I said before, most men are so subject to folly: And therefore, if the more foolish a man is, the more he pleases himself, and is admired by others, to what purpose should he beat his brains, about true knowledge, which first, will cost him dear, and ne● render him the more troublesome, and les● confident, and lastly, please only a few? An● now I consider it, Nature has planted, no● only in particular men, but even in every Nation, and scarce any City is there without it a kind of common self-love: And hence is it, that the English, besides other things, particularly challenge to themselves, Beauty, Music, an● Feasting; The Scots, are proud of their Nobility, Alliance to the Crown, and Logical Subtleties; The French, think themselves the only well-bred men; The Parisians, excluding all others, arrogate to themselves the only knowledge of Divinity; The Italians, affirm they are the only Masters of good Letters, and Eloquence, and flatter themselves on this account, that of all others, they only, are not barbarous: In which kind of happiness, those of Rome claim the first place, still dreaming to themselves of somewhat (I know not what) of old Rome: The Venetians, fancy themselves happy, in the opinion of their Novity: The Greeks, as if they were the only ●thors of Sciences, swell themselves with ●e Titles of the Ancient Heroes: The Turk, ●●d all that sink of the truly barbarous, challenge to themselves the only glory of Religi●●, and laugh at Christians, as superstitious: ●nd much more pleasantly the Jews, expect to is day, the coming of the Messiah, and so ob●nately contend for their Law of Moses: ●he Spaniards, give place to none in the reputation of Soldiery: The Germans, pride ●emselves in their Talness of Stature, and ●ill in Magic: And, not to instance in every particular, you see, I conceive, how much ●tisfaction, this Self-love, who has a Sister ●●so, not unlike herself, called Flattery, begets every where; for Self-love is no more, ●●an the soothing of a man's self, which, done 〈◊〉 another, is flattery: And though perhaps ●t this day it may be thought infamous, yet it is ●o only with them, that are more taken with words than things: They think truth, is intonsistent with flattery, but that it is much otherwise, we may learn from the examples of ●rute Beasts: What more fawning than a Dog? And yet what more trusty? What has more of those little tricks, than a Squirrel? and yet what more loving to man? Unless perhaps you'll say, Men had better conver● with fierce Lions, merciless Tigers, and furious Leopards; for that, flattery is the most pernicious of all things, by means o● which, some treacherous persons, and mockers, have run the credulous into such mischief: But this of mine, proceeds from a certain gentleness, & uprightness of mind, and comes neare● t● Virtue, than it's opposite Austerity, or a Morose and troublesome peevishness, as Horact calls it: This supports the dejected, relieve the distressed, encourages the fainting, awakens the stupid, refreshes the sick, supples the untractable, joins loves together, and keeps them so joined: It entices children to take their learning, makes old men frolic, and, under the colour of praise, does without offence, both tell Princes their faults, and she● them the way to amend 'em: In sho●t, it makes every man the more jocund, and acceptable to himself, which is the chiefest point of felicity: Again, What is more friendly than when (mutuum mu●i sc●buunt) two horses scrub one another? And to say nothing of it, that it's a main part of that famed eloquence, the better part of Physic, and the only thing in Poetry; 'tis the delight and relish of all humane Society. But 'tis a sad thing, they say, to be mistaken: Nay rather he is most miserable, that is not so; for they are quite beside the ●ark, that place the Happiness of men in ●●ings themselves, since it only depends upon opinion; for so great is the obscurity, and ●●riety of humane affairs, that nothing can be ●early known, as it is truly said by our Aca●micks, the least insolent of all the Philosophers; or if it could, it would but obstruct ●e pleasure of life. Lastly, the mind of man 〈◊〉 so framed, that it is rather taken with false ●lours, than truth; of which, if any one ●s a mind to make the experiment, let him 〈◊〉 to Church, and hear Sermons, in which, 〈◊〉 there be any thing serious delivered, the auditory is either asleep, yawning, or weary of 〈◊〉 but if the Preacher (pardon my mistake, would have said Declaimer) as too often it opens, fall but into an old Wife's story, they be ●esently awake, prick up their ears, and gape ●●er it: In like manner, if there be any Penal Saint, or one of whom there goes more ●ries than ordinary; as for example, a George, Christopher, or a Barbara, you shall see him ●re religiously worshipped, than Peter, Paul, 〈◊〉 even Christ himself: But these things are ●●t for this place: And now, at how cheap ●rate is this happiness purchased? Forasmuch 〈◊〉 to the thing itself, a man's whole endeavour required, be it never so inconsiderable; But the opinion of it, is easily taken up, whi●● yet conduceth as much, or more, to happiness for suppose a man were eating rotten Stockfish the very smell of which would choke another and yet believed it a dish for the Gods; wh●● difference is there, as to his happiness? Where as, on the contrary, if another's stomach should turn at a Sturgeon, wherein, I pray, is he happier than t'other? If a man have a crook ill-favoured Wife, who yet, in his Eye, ma●stand in competition with Venus, is it not th● same, as if she were truly beautiful? Or 〈◊〉 seeing an ugly, ill-painted piece, he should admire the work, as believing it some great Master's hand, were he not much happier think ye, than they, that buy such things a vast rates, and yet perhaps reap, less pleasure from 'em, than t'other? I know one of 〈◊〉 name, that gave his new married Wife, som● counterfeit Jewels, and, as he was a pleasant Droll, persuaded her, that they were not only right, but of an inestimable price: An● what difference, I pray, to her, that was as well pleased, and contented with Glass, and kept it as warily, as if it ' add been a treasure? in the mean time, the Husband saved his money, and had this advantage of her folly, that he obliged her as much, as if he had bought 'em at a great rate: Or what difference, think ye, between those in Plato's imaginary Cave, that and gaping at the Shadows, and Figures of ●ings, so they please themselves, and have ●o need to wish; and that Wise Man, who be●●g got lose from 'em, sees things, truly as ●●ey are? whereas that Cobbler in Lucian, if he ●ight always have continued, his Golden dreams, he would never have desired, any o●er happiness: So then, there is no difference; ●r, if there be, the Fools ha' the 'vantage: ●irst, in that their happiness costs them least; ●hat is to say, only some small persuasion: ●ext, that they enjoy it in common; and the possession of no good can be delightful without a companion: for who does not know what a dearth there is of Wise men, if yet ●ny one be to be found? and though the Greeks, for these so many ages, have accounted upon seven only; yet, so help me Hercules, do but examine 'em narrowly, and ●'ll be hanged if ye find one half-witted fellow, ●ay or so much as one quarter of a Wise man, ●mongst 'em all: for whereas, among the ma●y praises of Bacchus, they reckon this the chief, That he washeth away cares, and that ●oo, in an instant, do but sleep off his weak spirits, and they come on again (albis, ut ●niunt, quadrigis) as we say, on horseback: But how much larger, and more present is the benene● ye receive byme, since, as it were with a perpetual drunkenness. I fill your mind with Mirth, Fancies, and Jollities, and that too, without any trouble? Nor is there any man living, whom I let be without it; whereas the gifts of the Gods, are scambled some to one, and some to another: The sprightly delicious Wine that drives away cares, and leave such a Flavour behind it, grows not every where: Beauty, the gift of Venus, happens to few; And to fewer, gives Mercury Eloquence; Hercules makes not every one rich; Homer's Jupiter, bestows not Empire on all men; Ma●● oftentimes favours neither side; Many return sad from Apollo's Oracle; Phoebus sometimes, shoots a Plague amongst us; Neptune drown more than he saves; To say nothing of those (Vaejoves, or) mischievous Gods, Pluto's, Ates, Punishments, Fevers, and the like, not Gods, but Executioners; I am that only Folly, that so readily, and indifferently bestow my benefits on all; Nor do I look to be entreated, or am I subject to take pet, and require an expiatory sacrifice, if some Ceremony be omitted; Nor do I (— caelum terris, & mare coelo) beat heaven & earth together, if when the rest of the Gods are invited, I am past by, or not admitted to the steam of their Sacrifices: For the rest of the Gods, are so curious in this point, that ●●ch an omission may chance to spoil a man's ●●siness, and therefore one had as good even ●●t 'em alone, as worship 'em; Just like some ●●en, who are so hard to please, and withal 〈◊〉 ready to do mischief, that 'tis better be a ●anger, than have any familiarity with 'em: ●●t no man, you'll say, ever sacrificed to Folly, 〈◊〉 built me a Temple: And troth, as I said fore, I cannot but wonder at the ingratitude; ●t because I am easy to be entreated, let ●e advise ye better, though truly, I can ●●rce request it: for why should I require ●cense, Wafers, a Goat, or Sow, when all ●●en, pay me that worship every where, which so much approved, even by our very Di●es? Unless perhaps I should envy Diana, ●t her Sacrifices are mingled with Humane ●od: Then do I conceive myself, most re●iouslie worshipped, when every where, as 〈◊〉 generally done, men embrace me in their ●nds, express me in their Manners, and re●esent me in their Lives; which worship of 〈◊〉 Saints, is not so ordinary among Christi●●: How many are there, that burn Candles 〈◊〉 the Virgin Mother, and that too at noon ●y, when there's no need of 'em? But how 〈◊〉 are there, that study to imitate her, in ●reness of Life, Humility, and love of Hea●lie things, which is the true worship, and most acceptable to Heaven? Besides, why should I desire a Temple, when the whole world is my Temple, and, I'm deceived, or 'tis a goodly one? Nor can I want Priests, but in a Land, where there are no men: Nor am I ye● so foolish, as to require Statues, or painted Images, which do often obstruct my Worship, since among the stupid, and gross multitude, those Figures are worshipped, for the Sain● themselves; And so it would far with me, a it doth with them, that are turned out of doo● by their Substitutes: No, I have Statue● enough, and as many, as there are Men; every one bearing my lively Resemblance in his Face, how unwilling so ever he be to the contrary: and therefore there is no reason why ● should envy the rest of the Gods, if in particular places they have their particular worship, and that too on set-days; As Phoebus at Rhodes; at Cyprus, Venus; at Argos, Jump at Athens, Minerva; in Olympus, Jupiter at Tarentum, Neptune; and near the Hellespont Priapus; as long as the World in general, per● forms me, every day, much better Sacrifices▪ Wherein notwithstanding, if I shall seem to any one to have spoken more boldly, tha● truly; Let us, if ye please, look a little into the lives of men, and it will easily appear, not only how much they own to me, but much they esteem me, even from the highest, to ●e lowest: And yet, we will not run over the ●ves of every one, for that would be too ●●ng; but only some few of the great ones, ●om whence we shall easily conjecture the ●est: For, to what purpose is it to say any ●●ing of the common people, who, without dispute, are wholly mine? for they abound very where, with so many several sorts of ●olly, and are every day so busy, in inventing new, that a thousand Democriti are too ●w for so general a laughter, though there ●ere another Democritus to laugh at them too: ●●is almost incredible what Sport and Pastime, ●●ey daily make the Gods; for, though they ●t aside their sober, forenoon hours, to dispatch business, and receive prayers, yet ●hen they begin to be well whittled with Ne●ar, and cannot think of any thing that's se●ous, they get 'em up into some part of Heaven, that has better prospect than other, ●nd thence look down upon the actions of ●●en; Nor is there any thing, that pleases 'em ●etter. Good good! what an excellent sight ●is? how many several Hurlie-burlies of ●ools? for I myself sometimes sit among ●●ose Poetical Gods: Here's one desperate●e in love with a young Wench, and the ●ore she sleights him, the more outrageously, he loves her; Another marries ● woman's money, not herself; Another prostitutes his wife; Another's jealousy keep more eyes on her than Argos; Another become a Mourner, and how foolishly he carries it nay, hires others to bear him company, ● make it more ridiculous; Another, weep over his Mother in Law's Grave; Another spends all he can rap and run, on his Bellie● to be the more hungry after it; Another thinks there is no happiness, but in sleep and idleness; Another turmoils himself ● bout other men's business, and neglects hi● own; Another, thinks himself rich in taking up moneys, and changing Securities, as we say, borrowing of Peter to pay Paul, and ● a short time, becomes bankrupt; Another, starves himself, to enrich his Heir; Another, for a small and incertain gain, exposes his life, to the casualties of Seas, and Winds, which yet no money can restore; Another, had rather get Riches by War, than live peaceably at home; And some there are, that think them easiest attained, by courting old childless men with Presents; And others again, by making rich old women believe, they love ●m; both which, afford the Gods most excellent pastime, to see them cheated by those persons, they thought to have over-cached: But the most foolish and basest of all others are our Merchants (to wit, such as venture on every ●hing, be it never so dishonest, and manage it no ●etter) who though they lie by no allowance, ●wear and forswear, steal, cousin, and cheat, yet shuffle themselves into the first rank, and all because they have Gold Rings on their Fingers: Nor are they without their flattering Friars that admire them, and give 'em openly the title of Honourable, in hopes no doubt, ●o get some small snip of it themselves: There ●re also a kind of Pythagoreans, with whom all ●hings are so common, that if they get any ●hing under their Cloaks, they make no more scruple of carrying it away, than if 'twere their ●wn by inheritance: There are others too, that ●re only rich in conceit, and while they fancy ●o themselves pleasant dreams, conceive that ●nough to make them happy: Some desire to ●e accounted wealthy abroad, and are yet rea●y to starve at home: One makes what haste he can to set all going, and another rakes it together by right or wrong: This man is ever labouring for public honours, and another ●ies sleeping in a Chimney-corner: A great many undertake endless Suits; and outvie one another, who shall most enrich the Delatory Judge, or Corrupt Advocate: One is all for Innovations; and another for some great-he-knows-not-what; Another leaves his Wife and Children at home, and goes to Jerusalem, Rome, or in Pilgrimage to St. James', where he has no business: In short, if a man, like Menippus, of old, could look down from the Moon, and behold those innumerable rufflings of Mankind, he would think he saw a swarm of Flies, and Gnats, quarrelling among themselves, fight, laying Traps for one another, snatching, playing, wantoning, growing up, falling, and dying: Nor is it to be believed, what stir, what broils this little creature raiseth, and yet in how short a time, it comes to nothing its self; while sometimes War, othertimes Pestilence sweeps off many thousands of 'em together: But let me be most foolish myself, and one whom Democritus may not only laugh at, but flout, if I go one foot further, in the discovery of the Follies, and Madnesses of the common people: I'll betake me to them, that carry the reputation of Wise men, and hunt after that golden Bough, as says the Proverb: Amongst whom, the Grammarians hold the first place, a generation of men, than whom nothing would be more miserable, nothing more perplexed, nothing more hated of the Gods, did not I allay the troubles of that pitiful Profession, with a certain kind of pleasant madness; for they are not only subject ●o those (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) five curses (with which Homer gins his Iliads) as says the Greek Epigram, but six hundred; as being ever hunger-starved, and slovens in their Schools (Schools did I say? Nay, rather (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Cloisters, Bridwells, or Slaugh●er-houses) grown old among a company of boys, deaf with their noise, and pined away with stench, and nastiness; and yet by my courtesy it is, that they think themselves the most excellent of all men; so greatly do they please themselves, in frighting a company of fearful boys, with a thundering voice, and big looks; tormenting them with Ferules, Rods, and Whips; and, laying about 'em without fear or wit, imitate the Ass in the Lion's skin: In the mean time, all that nastiness seems absolute Spruceness; that Stench, a Perfume; and that miserable slavery, a Kingdom; and such too, as they would not change their Tyranny, for Phalaris, or Dionysius' Empire: Nor are they less happy, in that new Opinion they have taken up, of being learned; for whereas most of 'em beat into boy's heads, nothing but foolish Toys, yet, ye good Gods! What Palemon, what Donatus, do they not scorn in comparison of themselves? And so, I know not by what tricks, they bring it about, that to their boys foolish Mothers, and dolt-headed Fathers, they pass for such as they fancy themselves a Add to this, that other pleasure of theirs, that if any of 'em happen to find out, who was Anchises' Mother; or pick out of some wormeaten Manuscript, a word not commonly known, as suppose it Bubsegua, (for a Cowherd); Bovinator, (for a Wrangler); Manticulator, (for a Cutpurse); or dig up the ruins of some ancient Monument, with the letters half eaten out, O Jupiter! What towrings! What triumphs! What commendations! As if they had conquered Africa, or taken in Balylon: But what of this, when they give up and down their foolish insipid verses, and there wants not others, that admire 'em as much? They believe presently, that Virgil's soul is transmigrated into them? But nothing like this, when with mutual compliments they praise, admire, and claw one another; whereas, if another do but slip a word, and one more quicksighted than the rest, discover it by accident, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) O Hercules! What uproars, what bicker, what taunts, what invectives? If I lie, let me have the ill will of all the Grammarians: I knew in my time (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 quendam) one of many Arts, a Grecian, a Latinist, a Mathomatician, a Philosopher, a Physician, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) a Man master of 'em all, and sixty years of age, who laying by all the rest, perplexed and tormented him●f for above twenty years, in the study of grammar, fully reckoning himself a Prince, ● he might but live so long, till he could certainly determine, how the Eight parts of ●eech were to be distinguished, which none of ●e Greeks or Latins, had yet fully cleared; ● if it were a matter to be decided by the word, if a man made an Adverb of a Con●nction; and for this cause is it, that we have ● many Grammars, as Grammarians; nay ●ore, forasmuch as my friend Aldus, has given ● above five, not passing by any kind of Grammar, how barbarously, or tediously soever compiled, which he has not turned over, and ●amin'd; envying every man's attempts in this ●nd, how foolish so ever, and desperately concerned, for fear another should forestall him ●f his glory, and the labours of so many years ●erish: And now, whether had you rather call his, Madness, or Folly? It is no great mat●er to me whether, so long as ye confess it is ●y my means, that a creature, otherwise the ●ost miserable of all others, is raised to that ●eight of felicity, that he has no desire to ●hange his condition, with the King of Persia: The Poets, I must confess, are not altogether so much beholding to me, though 'tis agreed of all hands, they are of my party too; because they are a free kind of people, not restrained or limited to any thing, and all their studies aim at nothing more, than to tickle the ears of fools, with mere trifles, and ridiculous fables; And yet they are so bold upon't, that you'll scarce believe, how they not only assure themselves of immortality, and a life like the Gods, but promise it to others too: And to this order, before all others, Self-love, and Flattery, are more peculiarly appendent; nor am I worshipped by any sort of men, with more plainness, or greater constancy. And then, for the Rhetoricians, though they now and then shuffle and cut with the Philosopher, yet that these two are of my faction also, though many other Arguments might be produced, this clearly evinces it, that besides their other trifles, they have written so much, and so tightly of Fooling; And so, who ever he were that writ of the Art of Rhetoric to Herennius, he reckons Folly as a species of wit; And Quintilian, the Sovereign of this Order, has a Chapter touching Laughter, more prolix than an Iliad: In fine, they attribute so much to Folly, that what many times cannot be cleared with the best Arguments, is yet now and then put off with a jest: Unless perhaps you'll say, 'Tis no part of Folly to provoke laughter, and that artificially: Of the same batch also are they that hunt after immorality of Fame, by setting out Books; of whom, ●ough all of 'em are indebted to me, yet in ●●e first place are they, that nothing but daub ●aper with their empty Toys; for they that ●rite learnedly, to the understanding of a few scholars, and refuse not to stand the test of a persius', or Loelius, seem to me, rather to be dittied, than happy, as persons that are ever ●rmenting themselves; Adding, Changing, ●utting in, Blotting out, Revising, Reprint●ng, showing it to friends (nonumque prematur ● annum) and nine years in correcting, yet ●ever fully satisfied; at so great a rate, do they purchase this vain reward, to wit Praise, and ●hat too, of a very few, with so many watch, ● much sweat, so much vexation, and loss of ●eep, the most precious of all things: Add to ●his, the waste of health, spoil of complexion, weakness of eyes, or rather blindness, poverty, envy, abstinence from pleasure, overhasty Old-age, untimely death, and the like; ●o highly does this Wise man value the approbation of one or two blear-eyed fellows: But ●ow much happier is this my Writer's dotage, who never studies for any thing, but puts in writing what ever he pleases, or what comes first in his head, though it be but his dreams; and all this, with small waste of Paper; as well knowing that the vainer those Trifles are, the higher esteem they will have with the greater number, that is to say, all the fools, and unlearned: And what matter is it, to slight those few learned, if yet they ever read them? Or of what authority will the censure of so few Wise men be, against so great a Cloud of Gainsayers? But they are the wiser, that put out other men's works for their own, and transfer that glory, which others with great pains have obtained to themselves; relying on this that they conceive, though it should so happen, that their theft be never so plainly detected, that yet they should enjoy the pleasure of it for the present: And 'tis worth ones while to consider, how they please themselves when they are applauded by the common people; pointed at in a Crowd (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) This is that excellent person; lie on Booksellers stalls; and in the top of every Page, have three hard words read, but chief Exotic, and next degree to conjuring; which, by the immortal Gods, what are they but mere words? And again, if ye consider the world, by how few understood? and praised, by fewer? for even amongst the unlearned, there are different palates: Or what is it, that their own very names, are often counterfeit? or borrowed, from some Books of the Ancients? When one styles himself Telemachus, another Stelenus, a third Leertes, a fourth Polycrates, a fifth Thrasymahus: So that there is no difference, whether ●hey Title their Books, with the Tale of a Tub, ●r according to the Philosophers, by Alpha, ●eta: But the most pleasant of all, is to see ●hem praise one another, with Reciprocal ●pistles, Verses, and Encomiums; Fools, ●heir fellow-Fools; and Dunces, their brother ●unces. This, in tother's opinion, is an absolute Alcaeus; and the other, in his, a very ●allimachus: He, looks upon Tully, as nothing ●o t'other; and t'other again, pronunces him, ●ore learned than Plato: and sometimes too, ●hey pick out their Antagonist, and think to ●ise themselves a Fame, by writing one against tother: while (Scinditur incertum stu●a in contraria vulgus) the giddy multitude, ●e so long divided, to whether o'th' two, they ●all determine the Victory, till each goes off conqueror, & as, if he had done some great Action, fancies himself a Triumph: And ●ow Wise Men laugh at these things as fool●h, as indeed they are; who denies it? yet 〈◊〉 the mean time, such is my kindness to ●em, they live a merry life, and would not ●hange, their imaginary Triumphs no, not ●ith the Scipios: While, yet those Learned ●●en, though they laugh their fill, and reap the benefit, of tother's Folly, cannot without ingratitude, deny but that even they too, are not a little beholding to me themselves: And amongst them, our Advocates challenge the first place, nor is there any sort of people that please themselves, like them; soo● while they daily roll Sisyphus his stone, and quote ye a thousand cases, as it were in a breath, no matter how little to the purpose and heap Glosses upon Glosses, and Opinions on the neck of Opinions, they bring i● at last to this pass, that that study of all other, seems the most difficult: Add to these, our Logicians, & Sophisers, a generation of men (Aere Dodonaeo loquacius) more prattling than an Echo, and the worst of 'em, able to out-chat an hundred of the best pick● Gossips: and yet their condition would be much better, were they only full of words, and not so given to scolding, that they mo●● obstinately hack and hue one another (D● lana caprina) about a matter of nothing, and make such a sputter about Terms, and Words, till they have quite lost the Sense; and ye● they are so happy, in the good opinion of themselves, that as soon as they are furnish● with two or three Syllogisms, they dare boldly enter the Lists against any Man, upon any Point; as not doubting, but to run him down with noise, though the Opponent, were another Stentor: And next these, come our philosopher's, so much reverenced for their ●ur'd Gowns, and Starched Beards, that they ●●ok upon themselves, as the only Wise Men, ●nd all others, as Shadows; And yet how plea●ntly do they dote, while they frame in their ●eads, innumerable worlds; measure out the ●un, the Moon, the Stars, nay and Heaven it ●●lf, as it were, with a pair of Compasses; lay own the Causes of Lightning, Winds, Eclipse, and other the like Inexplicable Matters; ●nd all this too without the least doubting? ●s if they were Nature's Secretaries, or dropped ●own among us, from the Council of the ●ods; while, in the mean time, Nature laughs 〈◊〉 them, and all their blind conjectures: For, ●●at they know nothing, even this is a sufficient Argument, that they don't agree amongst themselves, and are so indemonstrable, as to others, touching every particular; These, ●hough they have not the least degree of knowledge, profess yet, that they have mastered all; ●ay, though they neither know themselves, nor perceive a Ditch, or Block that lies in their ●ay, for that perhaps, most of them are half ●lind, or their wits a woolgathering; yet ●ive out, that they have discovred Ideas, Uni●erslities, separated Forms, first Matters, Quiddities, Ecceities, Formalities, and th● like stuff; things, so thin, and bodiless, tha● I believe even Lynceus himself were not able perceive 'em: But then chief, do they disdain (prophanum vulgus) the unhallowed Crowd, as often as with their Triangles● Quadrangles, Circles, and the like Mathematical Devices, more confounded than a Labyrinth, and Letters disposed one against tother, as it were in Battle-Array, the● cast a mist before the eyes of the ignorant Nor is there wanting of this kind, some tha● pretend to foretell things by the Stars, an● make promises of Miracles beyond all things o● soothsaying, and are so fortunate, as to meet with people that believe 'em; Be perhaps I had better pass over our Divine in silence (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) and not stir this Pool, or touch this fair, but unsavoury Plant; as a kind of mea● that are supercilious beyond comparison, and to that too, implacable; lest setting 'em about my ears, they attaque me by Troops, and force me to a Recantation-Sermon, which, i● I refuse, they straight pronounce me an Heretic; for this is the Thunderbolt, with which they fright those, whom they are resolved not to favour: And truly, though there are few others, that less willingly acknowledge, the kindnesses I have done them, ●et even these two, stand fast bound to me, up●n no ordinary accounts; whilst being hap●y in their own Opinion, and, as if they dwelled ●n the third Heaven, they look with Haugh●ness on all others, as poor creeping things, ●nd could almost, find in their hearts to pity ●m: whilst hedged in with so many Magiste●al Definitions, Conclusions, Corollaries, propositions Explicit, and Implicit, they a●ound with so many (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) starting ●oles, that Vulcan's Net, cannot hold 'em so ●●st, but they'll slip through with their distinctions, with which, they so easily cut all knots sunder, that a Hatchet could not have done 〈◊〉 better; so plentiful are they, in their new●●und Words, and prodigious Terms: Be●des, whilst they explicate the most hidden Miseries, according to their own fancy: As, ●ow the Would was first made; how Original in is derived to Posterity; in what manner, ●ow much room, and how long time, Christ ●y in the Virgin's Womb; how Accidents absist in the Eucharist without their Subject: ●ut these are common, and threadbare; ●hese are worthy of our great and illuminated divines, as the world calls 'em! At these, if ever ●hey fall a thwart 'em, they prick up: As whether there was any instant of time in the ●eneration of the Second Person: whether there be more than one Filiation in Christ; whether it be a possible Proposition that God the Father hates the Son; or whether it was possible that Christ could have taken upon him the likeness of a Woman, or of the Devil, or of an Ass, or of a Stone, or of a Gourd: and then how that Gourd should have Preached, wrought Miracles, or been hung on the Cross; And, what Peter had Consecrated, if he had administered the Sacrament, at what time, the Body of Christ hung upon the Cross: Or whether at the same time, he might be said to be Man; whether after the Resurrection, there will be any eating and drinking, since we are so much afraid of hunger and thirst in this world: There are infinite of these (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) sabtile Trifles, and others more subtle than these; of Notions, Relations, Instants, Formalities, Quiddities, Ecceities, which no one can perceive without a Lynceus his eyes, (that could look through a stone-wall) and discover those things through the thickest darkness, that never were: Add to this, those their other Determinations, and those too, so contrary to common Opinion, that those Oracles of the Stoics, which they call Paradoxes, seem in comparison of these but blockish and idle: As, 'tis a lesser crime to kill a thousand men, than to set a stitch on a poor man's shoe, on the Sabbath-day: And that a man should rather choose, that the whole world, with all Food and Raiment, as they say, should perish, than tell a lie, though never so inconsiderable: And these most subtle subtleties, are rendered yet more subtle, by the several Methods, of so many Schoolmen; that one might sooner wind himself out of a Labyrinth, than the entanglements, of the Realists, Nominalists, Thomists, Albertists, Occamists, Scotists; nor have I named all the several Sects, but only some of the chief; In all which, there is so much Doctrine, and so much difficulty, that I may well conceive, the Apostles, had they been to deal with these new kind of Divines, had needed to have prayed in aid, of some other Spirit: Paul knew what Faith was, and yet when he saith, Faith is the Sul stance of things hoped for, and the Evidence of things not seen, he did not define it Doctor-like: And as he understood Charity well himself, so he did as Illogically divide, and define it to others, in his first Epistle to the Corinthians, Chapter the thirteenth: And devoutly, no doubt, did the Apostles consecrate the Eucharist; yet, had they been asked the question, touching the Terminus à quo, and the Terminus ad quem, of Transubstantiation; of the manner how, the same body, can be in several places, at one and the same time; of the difference the body of Christ has in Heaven, from that of the Cross, or this in the Sacrament; In what punct of time Transubstantiation is, whereas Prayer, by means of which it is, as being a discrete quantity, is transient; they would not, I conceive, have answered with the same subtlety, as the Scotists Dispute, and Define it: They knew the Mother of Jesus, but which of them has so Philosophically demonstrated, how she was preserved from Original sin, as have done our Divines? Peter received the Keys, and from him too, that would not have trusted them with a person unworthy; yet whether he had understanding, or no, I know not: for certainly he never attained, to that subtlety to determine, how he could have the Key of knowledge, that had no knowledge himself. They Baptised far and near, and yet taught no no where, what was the Formal, Material, Efficient, and final cause of Baptism; nor made the least mention, of delible, and indelible Characters: They worshipped 'tis true, but in Spirit, following herein, no other, than that of the Gospel, God is a Spirit, and they that worship, must worship him in Spirit, and Truth; yet it does not appear, it was at that time revealed to them, that an Image ●●ketcht on the Wall, with a Coal, was to be worshipped, with the same worship, as Christ himself; if at least, the two 'fore fingers be stretched out, the hair, long, and uncut, and have three Rays about the Crown of the Head: For who can conceive these things, unless he has spent, at least six and thirty years in she Philosophical, and Supercoelestial Whims of Aristotle, and the Schoolmen? In like manner, the Apostles press to us Grace, but which of them distinguisheth between (gratiam grais datam, & gratiam gratificantem) free grace, ●nd grace that makes a man acceptable; They exhort us to good works, and yet, determine ●ot (opus operans, & opus operatum) what is ●he work working, and what, a resting in the work done: They incite us to Charity, and ●et make no difference, between (infusam & ●equisitam) Charity infused, and Charity ●rought in us by our own endeavours: nor ●o they declare, whether it be an Accident, or 〈◊〉 Substance, a thing Created, or Uncreated: They detest, and abominate sin, but, let me ●ot live, if they could define according to ●rt, what that is, which we call Sin, unless perhaps they were inspired, by the spirit of the ●cotists: Nor can I be brought to believe, that Paul, by whose learning you may judge the rest, ●ould have so often condemned, Questions, Disputes, Genealogies, and, as himself calls 'em (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Strifes of words, if he had throughly understood those subtilti●es, especially, when all the Debates, and Controversies of those times, were rude and blockish, in comparison of the more than Chrysippean subtleties of our Masters; Although yet, the Gentlemen are so modest, that if they meet with any thing written by the Apostles, not so smooth and even as might be expected from a Master, they do not presently condemn it, but handsomely bend it to their own purpose; so great Respect and Honour do they give, partly to Antiquity, and partly to the name of Apostle: And truly, 'twere a kind of injustice, to require so great things of them, that never heard the least word from their Masters, concerning it: And so if the like happen in chrysostom, Basil, Jerome, they think it enough to say, They are not obliged by't: The Apostles also, confuted the Heathen Philosophers, and Jews, a people, than whom, nor more obstinate; but rather, by their good Lives, and Miracles, than Syllogisms: and yet there was scarce one amongst 'em, that was capable of understanding, the least Quodlibet of the Scotists: But now where is that Heathen, or Heretic, that must not presently stoop to such Wiredrawn subtleties, unless he be so thick-skuled, that he can't apprehend ●em, or so impudent as to hiss 'em down, or ●eing furnished with the same Tricks, be able ●o make his party good with 'em? as if a man ●hould set a Conjurer on work, against a Conjurer, or fight with one hallowed Sword against ●nother, which would prove no other, than (Penelope's tela) a work to no purpose: for my own part, I conceive the Christians would do much better, if instead of those dull Troops, ●nd Companies of Soldiers, with which they have managed their War, with such doubtful success, they would send the bawling Scotists, ●he most obstinate Occamists, and invincible A●bertists, to war against the Turks and Sara●ens; and they would see, I guess, a most pleasant Combat, and such a Victory, as was ne●e● before: For who is so faint, whom their devices will not enliven? Who so stupid, whom such spurs can't quicken? or who so quicksighted, before whose eyes they can't cast a mist? But you'll say, I jest; Nor are ye without cause, since even amongst Divines themselves, there are some that have learned better, and are ready to turn their stomaches, at those foolish subtleties of tother's: There are some that detest 'em, as a kind of Sacrilege, and count it the height of Impiety, to speak so irreverently of such hidden things, rather to be adored, than explicated; to dispute of 'em, with such profane, and Heathenish niceties; to define 'em, so arrogantly, and pollute the majesty of Divinity, with such pithless, and sordid terms, and opinions: Mean time, the others please, nay hug themselves in their happiness, and are so taken up with these pleasant trifles, that they have not so much leisure, as to cast the least eye on the Gospel, or S. Paul's Epistles; And while they play the fool at this rate in their Schools, they make account the Universal Church, would otherwise perish, unless, as the Poets fancied of Atlas, that he supported Heaven with his shoulders, they underpropt t'other, with their Syllogistical Buttresses: And how great a happiness is this, think ye? while, as if holy Writ were a Nose of Wax, they fashion, and refashion it, according to their pleasure; while they require, that their own Conclusions, subscribed by two or three Schoolmen, be accounted greater, than Solon's Laws, and preferred, before the Papal Decretals; while, as Censors of the world, they force every one to a Recantation, that differs but a hairs breadth from the least of their Explicit, or Implicit Determinations; and those too, they pronounce like Oracles, This Proposition is scandalous; This, Irreverent; This, has a smatch ●f Heresy; This, no very good sound: so ●hat neither Baptism, nor the Gospel, nor P●ul, nor Peter, nor St. Jerome, nor St. Augustine, no nor (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ipse Thomas) most Aristotelitotical Thomas himself can make a man a Christian, without these Bachelors ●oo, be pleased to give him his grace: And the like ●s their subtlety in judging; for who would ●hink he were no Christian, that should say these two Speeches, Matula Putes, & matula Putet, or Ollae fervere, & ollam fervere, were not both good Latin, unless their wisdoms had taught us the contrary? who had delivered the Church, from such Mists of Error, which yet, no one e'er met with, had they not come but, with some University Seal for't? And are they not most happy, while they do these things? Then, for what concerns Hell, how exactly they describe every thing, as if they had been conversant in that Commonwealth, most part of their time? Again, how do they frame in their fancy new Orbs, adding to those we have already, an eighth; a goodly one no doubt, and spacious enough, lest perhaps their happy Souls might lack room to walk in, entertain their friends, and now and then, play at Football? And with these, and a thousand the like sopperies, their heads are so full stuffed, and stretched, that I believe Jupiter's brain, was not near so big, when, being in labour with Pallas, he was beholding to the Midwifery, of Vulcan's Axe: And therefore ye must not wonder, if in their public Disputes, they are so bound about the head, lest otherwise perhaps, their brains might leap out: Nay, I have sometimes laughed myself, to see 'em so tower in their own opinion, when they speak most barbarously; and when they Humh and Hawh so pitifully, that none but one of their own Tribe can understand 'em, they call it heights, which the Vulgar can't reach: for they say, 'tis beneath the dignity, of Divine Mysteries, to be cramped, and tied up, to the narrow Rules of Grammarians: from whence we may conjecture, the great Prerogative of Divines, if they only have the privilege, of speaking corruptly, in which yet, every Cobbler thinks himself concerned, for his share: Lastly, they look upon themselves, as somewhat more than Men, as often as they are devoutly saluted by the name of, Our Masters; in which, they fancy there lies as much, as in the Jews (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Jehovah; And therefore, they reckon it a crime, if Magister noster, be written other, than in Capital Letters; and if any one, should preposterously say, N●ster magister, he has at once everturned the whole body of Divinity. And next these, come those, that commonly call themselves the Religious, and Monks; most ●lse in both Titles, when both, a great part ● 'em, are farthest from Religion, and no ●en swarm thicker in all places than themselves: Nor can I think of any thing, that could be more miserable, did not I support ●em so many several ways: for whereas all ●en detest 'em to that height, that they take 〈◊〉 for ill luck, to meet one of 'em by chance, ●et, such is their happiness, that they flatter themselves: for first, they reckon it one of the main Points of Piety, if they are so illiterate, that they can't so much as read: And ●han, when they run over their Offices, which they carry about 'em, rather by tale, than understanding, they believe the Gods, more than ordinarily pleased, with their braying: And some there are among 'em, that put off their trumperies at vast rates, yet roave up and down, for the bread they eat; nay there is scarce an Inn, Wagon, or Ship, into which they intrude not, to the no small damage, of the Commonwealth of Beggars: And yet, like pleasant-fellows, with all this Vileness, Ignorance, Rudeness, and Impudence, they represent to us (for so they call it) the lives of the Apostles; yet what is more pleasant, than that they do all things by Rule, and as it were, a kind of Mathematics, the least swerving from which, were a crime beyond forgiveness; As, how many knots their shooed must be tied with, of what colour every thing is, what distinction of habits, of what stuff made, how many straws broad their Girdles, and of what fashion, how many bushels wide their Cowle, how many fingers long their Hair, and how many hours sleep; which exact equality, how disproportionable it is, among such variety of bodies and tempers, Who is there that does not perceive it? And yet by reason of these fooleries, they not only set slight by others, but each different Order; men otherwise professing Apostolical Charity, despise one another, and for the different wearing of a habit, or that 'tis of darker colour, they put all things in combustion: And amongst these, there are some so rigidly Religious, that their upper Garment is haircloth, their inner of the finest Linen; and on the contrary, others wear Linen without, and hair next their skins: Others again, are as afraid to touch money, as poison; and yet neither forbear Wine, nor dallying with Women: In a word, 'tis their only care, that none of 'em come near one another in their manner of living, nor do they endeavour, how they may be like Christ, but how they may differ among themselves. And another great happiness they conceive in their Names, while they call themselves Cordi●iers, and among ●ese too, some be Colletes, some M●nors, some ●unims, some Crossed: And again, these are Redictines, those Bernardines; these Carmelites, ●ose Augustine's; these Williamites, and those ●olanes; as if it were not worth the while, 〈◊〉 be called Christians: And of these, a great ●rt build so much on their Ceremonies, and ●etty Traditions of Men, that they think one ●eaven is too poor a reward for so great merit; atle dreaming, that the time will come, when ●hrist not regarding any of these trifles, will ●ll 'em to account for his precept of Charity: ●ne shall show ye a large Trough, full of all ●nds of Fish; another tumble ye out so many ●shels of Prayers; another reckon ye so ma●y myriads of Fasts, and fetch 'em up again in ●●e dinner, by eating till he cracks again; ●nother produces more bundles of Ceremo●es, than seven of the stoutest Ships would be ●le to carry; another brags, he has not touched penny these threescore Years, without two ●ir of Gloves at least, upon his hands; Another wears a Cowl, so lined with grease, that ●●e poorest Tarpaulin would not stoop to take 〈◊〉 up; Another will tell ye, he has lived these ●ty five Years like a Sponge, continually fastened to the same place; another is grown hoarse ●ith his daily chanting; another has contracted a Lethargy, by his solitary living; an● another, the Palsy in his Tongue, for want speaking: But Christ, interrupting them 〈◊〉 their vanities, which otherwise were endler will ask 'em, Whence this new kind of Jews I acknowledge one Commandment, which 〈◊〉 truly mine, of which alone I hear nothing I promised, 'tis true, my Father's heritage, an● that without Parables, not to Cowls, odd Prayers and Fast, but to the duties of Fait● and Charity; Nor can I acknowledge the● that least acknowledge their faults; They th● would seem holier than myself, let 'em if the● list, possess to themselves (Abraxasiorum coelo●) those three hundred sixty five Heavens of B●silides the Heretic's invention, or command them, whose foolish Traditions they have preferred, before my Precepts, to erect them a ne● one: When they shall hear these things, a●● see common ordinary persons preferred befor● 'em, with what countenance, think ye, will the behold one another? In the mean time, the are happy in their hopes, and for this also, the are beholding to me: And yet these kind o● people, though they are, as it were, of an● their Commonwealth, no man dares despise especially those begging Friars, because the are privy to all men's secrets, by means of Confessions, as they call 'em: Which yet, wer● 〈◊〉 less than treason to discover, unless being ●t drunk, they have a mind to be pleasant, ●●d then all comes out, that is to say, by hints ●●d conjectures, but suppressing the names: ●ut if any one should anger these Wasps, they'll efficiently revenge themselves in their pub●●que Sermons; and so point out their enemy, 〈◊〉 circumlocutions, that there's no one but un●rstands whom 'tis they mean, unless he unerstand nothing at all; nor will they give ●er their barking (quem in os offam objece●●) till you throw the Dogs a bone: And ●ow tell me, what Juggler, or Mountebank ●u had rather behold, than hear them rheto●cally play the fool in their Preachments, and ●et most sweetly imitating, what Rhetoricians ●ve written, touching the Art of good speaking: Good God What several postures they ●●ve, how they shift their voice, sing out their ●ords, skip up and down, and are ever and ●●on making such new faces, that they con●und all things with noise! And yet, this ●nack of theirs, is no less than a Mystery, that ●ns in succession from one brother to another; ●hich, though it be not lawful for me to know, however, I'll venture at it by conjectures: And ●rst, they invoke what ever they have scraped ●●om the Poets. And in the next place, if they are 〈◊〉 discourse of Charity, they take their rise from the River Ni●us; or to set out the Mystery of the Cross, from Bell and the Drago● or to dispute of Fasting, from the twelve sig● of the Zodiac; or being to preach of Faith ground their matter on the square of a Circle● I have heard myself one, and he no small fo●● (I was mistaken, I would have said Scholar 〈◊〉 that being, in a Famous Assembly, explaining the Mystery of the Trinity, that he might both let 'em see, his Learning was not ordinary, and withal satisfy, some Theological ear● he took a new way, to wit, from the Letter● Syllables, and the Word itself; then from th● Cohaerence of the Nominative Case and th● Verb; and the Adjective and Substantive 〈◊〉 and while most of the Auditory wondered, a●● some of 'em muttered that of Horace (Q●●● sum haec tam putida tendunt?) what does a● this Trumpery drive at? At last, he brought the matter to this head, that he would demonstrate, that the Mystery of the Trinity w● so clearly expressed, in the very Rudiments o● Grammar, that the best Mathematician could not chalked it out more plainly; And in this Discourse, did (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ille) this mos● Superlative Theologue, beat his brains, for● eight whole months, that at this hour, he's as blind as a Beetle; to wit, all the sight of his eyes, being run into the sharpness of his wit● ●nd besides him, I met with another, some ●ighty years of age, and such a Divine, that ●ou'd have sworn, Scotus himself was revived 〈◊〉 him: He being upon the point, of unfolding the Mystery of the name Jesus, did with wondered subtlety demonstrate, that there lay ●idden in those Letters, what ever could be ●id of him: for, that it was only declined with ●ree Cases, he said, it was a manifest token of ●e Divine Trinity; and then, that the first ●●ded in S. the second in M. the third in U. ●ere was in it (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) an ineffable Misery; to wit, those three Letters declaring to us ●at he was (Summum, Medium, & Ultimum) ●●e Beginning, Middle, and End of all: Nay ●e Mystery was yet more abstruse; for he so mathematically split, the word Jesus, into ●o equal parts, that he left the middle letter by itself, and then told us, that that letter in Hebrew was (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Schin, or Sin, and ●at Sin, in the Scotch tongue, as he remembered, signified as much as Sin; from whence ●e gathered, that it was Jesus that took away ●e sins of the world; At which new Exposi●on, the Auditory were so wonderfully inent, and struck with admiration, especially ●he Theologues, that there wanted little, but ●●at, Niobe-like, they had been turned to ●ones; whereas, the like had almost happened to me, as befell the Priapus in Horace, who having discovered a couple of Witches, at their midnight tricks, let a crack backwards, and frighted 'em away: And not without cause, for when were the Grecian Demosthenes, or Roman Cicero, e'er guilty of the like; They thought that Introduction faulty, that was wide of the Matter; as if it were not the way of Carters, and Swinheards, that have no more wit, than God sent 'em: But these learned men, think their Preamble (for so they call it) then chief Rhetorical, when it has least Coherence with the rest of the Argument, that the admiring Auditory may in the mean while whisper to themselves (Quo nunc se proripit ille?) What will he be at now? In the third place, they bring in, instead of Narration, some Texts of Scripture, but handle 'em, cursorily, and as it were by the buy, when yet it is the only thing they should have insisted on: And fourthly, as it were changing a Part in the Play, they bolt out with some question in Divinity, and many times (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) relating, neither to Earth, nor Heaven; And this they look upon us, as a piece of Art. Here they erect their Theological Crests, and beat into the people's ears, those Magnifical Titles, of Illustrious Doctors, Subtle Doctors, most Subtle Doctors, Seraphic Doctors, Cherubin-Doctors, Holy Doctors, Unquestionable Doctors, and the like; And then throw abroad among the ignorant people, Syllogisms, Majors, Minors, Conclusions, Corollaries, Suppositions, and those, so weak and foolish, that they are below Pedantry: There remains yet the fifth Act, ●n which, one would think, they should show ●heir Mastery: And here, they bring in some ●oolish insipid Fable, out of Speculum Histo●iale, or Gesta Romanorum, and Expound it Allegorically, Tropologically, and Anagogically: And after this manner, do they end their Chimaera, and such, as Horace despaired of compassing, when he writ, Humano capiti, etc. But they have heard, from some body, ● know not whom, that the beginning of a Speech should be Sober, and Grave, and least given to noise; And therefore, they begin ●heirs, at that rate, they can scarce hear themselves, as if it were no matter, whether any ●ne understood 'em: They have learned some where, that to move the affections, a louder ●oice is requisite; Whereupon, they that otherwise, would speak like a Mouse in a Cheese, start out of a sudden, into a downright fury, even there too, where there's the ●east need of it: A man would swear, they were past the power of Hellebor so little do they consider, where 'tis they run out: Again, because they have heard, that as a Speech comes up to something, a man should pres● it more earnestly; they, how ever they begin, use a strange contention of voice in every part, though the Matter itself be never so flat, and end in that manner, as if they'd run● themselves out of breath: Lastly, they have learned, that among Rhetoricians, there is some mention of Laughter, and therefore, they study to prick in a jest, here and there; but, O● Venu●! so void of wit, and so little to the purpose, that it may be truly called (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) an Asses playing on the Harp: And sometimes also, they use somewhat of a● sting, but so nevertheless, that they rathert tickle, than wound; nor do they ever more truly flatter, than when they would seem (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) to use the greatest freedoms of speech: Lastly, such is their whole action, that a man would swear they had learned it, from our common Tumblers, though yet they come short of 'em in every respect; However, they are both so like, that no man will dispute, but that, either these, learned their Rhetoric from them, or they, theirs, from these: And yet, they light on some, that when they hear 'em, conceive they hear, very Demostenes, and Cicero's: of which sort chief, are our Merchant's, and Women, whose Ears only, they endeavour to please, because, as ●o the first, if they stroke 'em handsomely, some part or other of their ill-gotten goods is wont to fall to their share: and the Women, though for many other things they favour this Order, this is not the least, that they commit to their breasts, what ever discontents, they have against their Husbands: And now, I conceive me, ye see, how much this kind of people are beholding to me, that with their Petty Ceremonies, Ridiculous Trifles, and Noise, exercise a kind of Tyranny, among mankind, believing themselves very Paul's, and Anthony's: But I willingly give over these Stage-players, that are such ingrateful dissemblers of the courtesies I have done 'em, and such impudent pretenders to Religion, which they ha' ned. And now I have a mind, to give some small touches, of Princes, and Courts, of whom I am had in reverence, above-board, and as it becomes Gentlemen, frankly: and truly, if they had the least proportion of sound judgement, what life were more unpleasant than theirs, or so much to be avoided? For who ever did but truly weigh with himself, how great a burden lies upon his shoulders, that would truly discharge the duty of a Prince, he would not think it worth his while, to make his way to a Crown, by Perjury, and Parricide: He would consider, that he that take● a Sceptre in his hand, should manage the Public, not his Private Interest; study nothing, but the common good, and not, in the least, go contrary to those Laws, where of himself. is both the Author, and Exactor: That he is to take an account of the good or evil administration, of all his magistrates and subordinate Officers: That though he is but one, all men's Eyes are upon him, and in his power it is, either like a good Planet to give life and safety to mankind, by his harmless influence, or like a fatal Comet, to send mischief and destruction: That the vices of other men, are not alike felt, nor so generally communicated; And that a Prince stands in that place, that his least deviation, from the Rule of Honesty, and Honour, reaches farther than himself, and opens a gap, to many men's ruin: Besides, that the fortune of Princes has many things attending it, that are but too apt to train 'em out of the way: As Pleasure, Liberty, Flattery, Excess, for which cause, he should, the more diligently endeavour, and set a watch o'er himself, lest perhaps he be led aside, and fail in his duty: Lastly, to say nothing of Treasons, ill will, and such other Mischiefs he's in jeopardy of, That that True King is over his head, who in a short time, will call him to account, for every the least trespass, and that so much the more severely, by how much more mighty was the Empire, committed to his charge: These and the like, if a Prince should duly weigh (and weigh it he would, if he were wise) he would neither be able to sleep, nor take any hearty repast: B● now, by my courtesy, they leave all this ca●e to the Gods, and are only taken up with themselves, not admitting any one to their ear, but such as know how to speak pleasant things, and not trouble 'em with business: They believe they have discharged all the duty of a Prince, if they Hunt every day, keep a Stable of fine Horses, sell Dignities, and Commanderies, and invent new ways of draining the Citizen's Purses, and bringing it into their own Exchequer; but under such dainty newfound names, that though the thing be most injust in itself, it carries yet, some face of equity; adding to this, some little sweetenings, that what ever happens, they may be secure of the common people; And now, suppose some one, such as they sometimes are, a man ignorant of Laws, little less than an enemy to the public good, and minding nothing but his own, given up to Pleasure, a hater of Learning, Liberty, and Justice, studying nothing less than the public safety, but measuring every thing by his own will, and profit; And then, put on him, a golden Chain, that declares the accord of all Virtues, linked one to another; a Crown set with Diamonds, that should put him in mind, how he ought to excel all others, in Heroic Virtues; besides, a Sceptre, the Emblem of Justice, and an untainted heart; and lastly, a Purple Robe, a Badge of that Charity he owes the Commonwealth; All which, if a Prince should compare 'em, with his own life, he would, I believe, be clearly ashamed of his bravery, and be afraid lest some or other gibing Expounder, turn all this Tragical Furniture, into a ridiculous Laughingstock. And as to the Court-Lords, what should I mention them? than most of whom, though there be nothing more indebted, more servile, more witless, more contemptible, yet they would seem, as they were the most excellent of all others. And yet in this only thing, no men more modest, in that they are contented to wear about 'em, Gold, Jewels, Purple, and those other marks of Virtue, and Wisdom, but for the study of the things themselves, they remit it to others; Thinking it happiness enough for them, that they can call the King Master, have learned the cringe a la mode, know when and where to use those Titles, of Your Grace, My Lord, Your Magnificence; in a word, that they are passed all shame, and can flatter pleasantly: for these are the Arts that speak a man truly Noble, and an exact Courtier: But if ye look into their manner of life, you'll find 'em mere Sots, (Sponsos Penelope's, &c.) as the baucht as Penelope's Husband, you know the other part of the verse, which the Echo will better tell ye, than I can: They sleep till noon, and have their mercenary Levite come to their bed side, where he chaps over his Matins before they are half up: Then to Breakfast, which is scarce done, but Dinner stays for 'em; From thence, they go to Dice, Tables, Cards, or e●●●ertain themselves with Jesters, Fools, Gambols, Horse-tricks, and now and then, the Whore: In the mean time, they have one or two Bevers, and then Supper, and after that a Banquet; and 'twere well, by Jupiter, there were no more than one: And in this manner do their Hours, Days, Months, Yea●s, Age, slide away without the least irksomeness: Nay, I have sometimes gone away, many Inches fatter, to see 'em, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) speak big words; whiles each of the Ladies, believes herself so much nearer to the Gods, by how much the longer train, she trails after her; whiles one Nobleman edges out another, that he may get the nearer to J●piter, himself; and every one of 'em, pleases himself the more, by how massier is the Chain, he swaggs on his shoulders, as if he meant to show his strength, as well as his wealth. Nor are Princes by themselves in their manner of life, since Popes, Cardinals, and Bishops, have so diligently followed their steps, that 've almost got the start of 'em: for if any of 'em would consider, what their Albe should put 'em in mind of, to wit, a blameless life; what is meant by their forked Mitres, whose each point is held in by the same knot, we'll suppose it, a perfect knowledge of the Old and New Testaments; what those Gloves on their Hands, but a sincere administration of the Sacraments, and free from all touch of worldly business; what their Crosier, but a careful looking after the Flock committed to their charge; what the Cross born before 'em, but victory over all earthly affections; These, I say, and many of the like kind, should any one truly consider, would he not live a sad and troublesome life? whereas now, they do well enough, while they feed themselves only; and for the care of their Flock, either put it over to Christ, or lay it all on their Suffragans, as they call 'em, or some poor Vicars: Nor do they so much as remember their name, or what the word Bishop signifies; to wit, Labour, Care and Trouble; But in racking to gather moneys, they truly act the part of Bishops (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) and herein acquit themselves to be no blind Seers: In like manner Cardinals, if they thought themselves the successors of the Apostles, they would likewise imagine, that the same things, the other did, are required of them, and that they are not Lords, but Dispenser's of Spiritual things, of which, they must shortly give an exact account: But if they also, would a little Philosophise on their Habit, and think with themselves, what's the meaning of their Linen Rochet? Is it not a remarkable and singular integrity of life? What that inner Purple? is it not an earnest, and fervent love of God? Or what that outward, whose lose Plaits, and long Train, fall round his Reverence's Mule, and are large enough to cover a Camel? is it not Charity, that spreads itself so wide, to the succour of all men; that is, to Instruct, Exhort, Comfort, Reprehend, Admonish, compose Wars, resist wicked Princes, and willingly expend, not only their Wealth, but their very Lives for the Flock of Christ? Though yet, what need at all of wealth, to them, that supply, the room of the poor Apostles? These things, I say, did they but duly consider, they would not be so ambitious of that Dignity, or, if they were, they would willingly leave it, and live a laborious careful life, such as was that of the ancient Apostles: And for Popes, that supply the place of Christ, if they should endeavour to imitate his Life, to wit, his Poverty, Labour, Doctrine, Cross, and contempt of Life, or should they consider, what the name Pope, that is Father, or Holiness, imports, who would live more disconsolate than themselves? or who would purchase that Chair, with all his substance? or defend it so purchased, with Swords, Poisons, and all force imaginable? so great a profit, would the access of Wisdom, deprive him of; Wisdom did I say? nay the least corn of that Salt, which Christ speaks of: So much Wealth, so much Honour, so much Riches, so many Victories, so many Offices, so many Dispensations, so much Tribute, so many Pardons; such Horses, such Mules, such Guards, and so much Pleasure, would it lose them: You see how much I have comprehended in a little: instead of which, it would bring in, Watch, Fast, Tears, Prayers, Sermons, good Endeavours, Sighs, and a thousand the like troublesome Exercises: Nor is this least considerable; so many Scribes, so many Copying Clerks, so many Notaries, so many Advocates, so many Promoters, so man● Secretaries, so many Muletters, so many Grooms, so many Bankers, so many Bawds (I had like to have added somewhat more Effeminate, but that I'm afraid 'twould be too harsh for their ears:) in short, that vast multitude of men, that overcharge the Roman Sea (I mistook, I meant, Honour) might beg their bread: A most inhuman and abominable thing; and more to be execrated, that those great Princes of the Church, and true Lights of the World, should be reduced to a Staff, and a Wallet: whereas now, if there be any thing that requires their pains, they leave that, to Peter and Paul, that have leisure enough; But if there be any thing of Honour, or Pleasure, they take that, to themselves: By which means it is, yet by my courtesy, that scarce any kind of men, live more voluptuously, or with less trouble, as believing, that Christ will be well enough pleased, if in their Mystical, and almost mimical Pontificalibus, Ceremonies, Titles of Honiness, and the like, and Blessing, and Cursing, they play the parts of Bishops: To work Miracles, is old, and antiquated, and not in fashion now; to instruct the people, troublesome; to interpret the Scripture; Pedantic; to pray, a sign one has little else to do; to shed tears, silly, and womanish; to be poor, base; to be vanquished, dishonourable, & little becoming him, that scarce admits even Kings to kiss his Slipper; and lastly, to die, uncouth; and to be stretched on a Cross, infamous: Theirs are only those Weapons, and sweet Blessings which Paul mentions, and of these truly they are bountiful enough; as Interdictions, Hang, Heavy Burdens, Reproofs, anathemas, Executions in Effigy, and that terrible Thunderbolt of Excommunication, with the very sight of which, they sink men's Souls, beneath the bottom of Hell; which yet these most holy Fathers in Christ, and his Vicars, hurl with more fierceness, against none, than against such, as by the instigation of the Devil, attempt to lessen, or rob 'em of Peter's Patrimony; when, though those words in the Gospel, We have left all, and followed thee, were his, yet they call his Patrimony, Lands, Cities, Tribute, imposts, Riches; for which, being inflamed with the love of Christ, they contend with Fire, and Sword, and not without loss of much Christian blood, and believe, they have then, most Apostolically defended the Church, the Spouse of Christ, when the enemy, as they call 'em, are valiantly routed; As if the Church had any deadlier enemies, than wicked Prelates, who not only suffer Christ to run out of request, for want of preaching him, but hinder his spreading, by their multitudes of Laws, merely contrived for their own profit; corrupt him, by their forced Expositions; and bourder him, by the evil example, of their pestilent life: Nay further, whereas the Church of Christ was founded in blood, confirmed by blood, and augmented by blood, now, as if Christ, who after his wont manner defends his people, were lost, they govern all by the Sword; And whereas War, is so Savage a ●hing, that it rather befits Beasts, than Men, so outrageous, that the very Poets feigned, it came from the Furies, so pestilent, that it corrupts all men's manners, so injust, that it is best executed, by the worst of men, so wicked, that it has no agreement with Christ, and yet, somitting all the other, they make this, their only business: Here you'll see decrepit old fellows, acting the parts of young men, neither troubled at their costs, nor wearied with their labours, nor discouraged at any thing, so they may have the liberty, of turning Laws, Religion, Peace, and all things else, quite topsie turvie turvy: Nor are they destitute of their ●earned Flatterers, that call that palpable Madness, Zeal, Piety, and Valour, having found out a new way, by which, a man may kill his brother, without the least breach of that Charity, which, by the command of Christ, one Christian owes another: And here in stroth, I'm a little at a stand, whether the Ecclesiastical ●●rman Electors, gave 'em this example, or rather took it from 'em; who laying aside their Habit, Benedictions, and a● the like Ceremonies, so act the part of Commanders, that they think it a mean thing, an● lest beseeming a Bishop, to show the lea● courage to God-ward, unless it be in a battle▪ And as to the common Herd of Priests, the● account it a crime, to degenerate from th● Sanctity of their Prelates; Heidah! how Soldierlike they bustle, about the jus divinum o● Titles, and how quicksighted they are, to pic● the least thing, out of the Writings of the Ancients, wherewith they may fright the common people, and convince 'em, if possible● that more than a Tenth is due: yet in the meantime, it lest comes in their heads, ho● many things, are every where extant, concerning that duty, which they own the people: Nor does their shorn Crown, in the least admonish 'em, that a Priest, should be free from all worldly desires, and think of nothing but heavenly things; whereas, on the contrary, these jolly fellows, say, they have sufficiently discharged their Office, if they but any-how mumble over a few odd Prayers, which, so help me Hercules, I wonder if any God either hear, or understand, since they do neither themselves; especially, when they thunder 'em out, in that manner they are wont: But this they have in common, with those of the Heathens, that they are vigilant enough to the harvest of their profit, nor is there any of 'em, that is not better read, in those Laws, than the Scripture; whereas, if there be any thing burdensome, they prudently lay that on othermen's shoulders, and shift it from one to tother, as men toss a Ball, from hand to hand; following herein, the example of Lay Princes, who commit the Government of their Kingdoms, to their Grand Ministers, and they again, to others, and leave all study of Piety to the common people: In like manner, the common people, put it over to those they call ecclesiastics, as if themselves, were no part of the Church, or that their vow in Baptism, had lost its obligation: Again, the Priests, that call themselves Secular, as if they were initiated to the world, not to Christ, lay the burden on the Regulars, the Regulars, on the Monks, the Monks, that have more liberty, on those that have less, and all of 'em, on the Mendicants; the Mendicants, on the Carthusians, amongst whom, if any where, this Piety lies buried, but yet so close, that scarce any one can perceive it: In like manner the Popes, the most diligent of all others, in gathering in the Harvest of money, refer all their Apostolical work to the Bishops; the Bishops, to the Parsons; the Parsons, to the Vicars, the Vicars, to their brother Mendicants, and they again throw back the care of the Flock, on those that take the Wool: But it is not my business, to sift too narrowly, the lives of Prelates, and Priests, for fear I seem to have intended, rather a satire, than an Oration; and be thought to tax good Princes, while I praise the bad: And therefore, what I slightly taught before, has been to no other end, but that it might appear, that there's no man, can live pleasant, unless he be initiated to my Rites, and have me propitious to him: For how can it be otherwise, when Fortune, the great Directress of all Humane Affairs, and myself, are so all one, that she was always an enemy to those wise men, and on the contrary, so favourable to Fools, and careless fellows, that all things hit luckily to 'em? You have heard of that Timotheus (the most fortunate General of the Athenians) of whom came that Proverb (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) His Net caught fish, though he were asleep; and that, (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) The Owl flies: whereas these other, hit properly, Wise men (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) born in the fourth month; And again (Equum habet Sejanum; & Aurum Tolosanum:) He rides Sejanus' his Horse; and gold of Tolouse; signifying thereby, the extremity of ill fortune: But I forbear (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) the further threading of Proverbs, lest I seem to have pilfered, my friend Erasmuss' Adages: Fortune loves those, that have least wit, and most confidence, and such, as like that saying of Caesar, (Jacta est alea) the die is thrown; but Wisdom makes men bashful, which is the reason, that those Wise men have so little to do, unless it be with Poverty, Hunger, and Chimny-corners; that they live such neglected, unknown, and hated lives; whereas Fools, abound in money, have the chief Commands in the Commonwealth, and, in a word, flourish every way: for if it be a happiness (Principilus placuisse viris—) too please Princes, and to be conversant among those Golden and Diamond Gods, what is more unprofitable than Wisdom, or what is it these kind of men have, may more justly be censured? If Wealth is to be got, how little good at it, is that Merchant like to do, if following the Precepts of Wisdom, he should boggle at Perjury, or being taken in a lie, blush, or in the least, regard the sad scruples, of those Wisemen, touching Rapine, and Usury: Again, if a man sue for Honours, or Church-Preferments, an Ass, or wild Ox shall sooner get 'em than a Wise man: If a man's in love with a young Wench, none of the least Humours in this Comedy, they are wholly addicted to Fools, and are afraid of a Wise man, and fly him, as they would a Scorpion: Lastly, whoever intent to live merry, and frolic, shut their doors against Wise men, and admit any thing sooner: In brief, go whither ye will, among Prelates, Princes, Judges, Magistrates, Friends, Enemies, from highest to lowest, and you'll find all things done by money; which, as a Wise man contemns it, so it takes a special care, not to come neat him: what shall I say? There is no measure, or end of my praises, and yet 'tis fit my Oration have an end: And therefore I'll even break off; and yet, before I do it, 'twill not be amiss if I briefly show ye, that there has not been wanting, even great Authors, that have made me famous, both by their Write, and Actions; lest perhaps otherwise, I may seem, to have foolishly pleased myself only, or that the Lawyers charge me, that I have proved nothing: After their example therefore, will I allege my proofs, that is to say (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) nothing to the point: And first, every man allows this Proverb, That where a man wants matter, he may best frame some. And to this purpose is that Verse which we teach Children.  
(Stultitiam simulare loco, prudentiae summa est) 'Tis the greatest wisdom to know when and where to counterfeit the Fool; And now, judge yourselves, what an excellent thing this Folly is, whose very counterfeit, and semblance only, has got such praise from the Learned: But more candidly does that fat, plump (— Epicuri de grege Porcus) Epicurean bacon-hogg, Horace (for so he calls himself) bids us (Misce stultitiam consiliis—) mingle our purposes with Folly; and whereas he adds the word (brevem) short (perhaps to help out the Verse) he might as well have let it alone: And again (Dulce est desipere in loco) 'tis a pleasant thing to play the fool, in the right season: And in another place, he had rather (— Delirus inersque vider, Quam sapere, & ringi—) be accounted a dotterel, and sot, than to be wise, and made mouths at: And Telemachus in Homer, whom the Poet praises so much, is now and then, called (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Fool; and by the same name, as if there were some good fortune in it, are the Tragedians wont, to call Boys and Striplings: And what does that sacred book of Iliads contain, but a kind of counter-scuffle between foolish Kings, and foolish People? Besides, how absolute is that praise, that Cicero gives of it? (Stultorum plena sunt omnia) All things are full of fools: for who does not know, that every good, the more diffusive it is, by so much the better it is? But perhaps their authority, may be of small credit among Christians, we'll therefore, if you please, support our praises with some Testimonies of holy Writ also: In the first place nevertheless, having forespoke our Theologues, that they'll give us leave to do it without offence: And in the next, forasmuch as we attempt a matter of some difficulty, and it may be perhaps, a little too saucy, to call back again, the Muses from Helicon, to so great a journey, especially in a matter, they are wholly strangers to, it will be more suitable perhaps, while I play the Divine, and make my way through such prickly quiddities, that I entreat the Soul of Scotus (a thing more bristlely than either Porcupine or Hedgehog) to leave his Scorbone a while, and come into my breast, and then, let him go whither he pleases (vel is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) or to the dogs: I could wish also, that I might change my countenance, or that I had on, the square Cap, and the Cassock, for fear some or other should impeach me of theft, as if I had privily rifled our Master's Desks, in that I have got so much Divinity: but it ought not to seem so strange, if after so long and intimate an acquaintance, and converse with 'em, I have picked up somewhat; when as that Figtree-god Priapus, hearing his owner read certain Greek words, took so much notice of 'em, that he got 'em by heart; and that Cock in Lucian, by having lived long amongst men, became at last a master of their Language: But to the point (bonis avibus) under a fortunate direction: Ecclesiastes saith in his first Chapter, (Stultorum infinitus numerus) The number of fools is infinite; and when he calls it infinite, does he not seem to comprehend all men, unless it be some few, whom yet, 'tis a question whether any man ever saw? But more ingenuously does Jeremiah, in his tenth Chapter confess it, saying, (Stultus omnis, etc.) Every man is made a fool, through his own wisdom; attributing wisdom to God alone, and leaving folly to all men else: And again (Nec glorietur homo, etc.) Let not man glory in his wisdom; And why good Jeremiah wouldst thou not have a man glory in his wisdom? Because, he'll say, he has none at all: But to return to Ecclesiastes, who when he cries out, Vanity of vanities, all is vanity, What other thoughts had he, do ye believe, than that, as I said before, The life of man, is nothing else, but an interlude of Folly? in which, (album addidit calculum) he has added one voice more, to that justly received praise of Cicer●'s, which I quoted before, viz. All things are full of fools: Again, that wise Preacher that said, A fool changes as the Moon, but a wise man, is permanent as the Sun: What else did he hint at in it, but that all mankind are fools, and the name of Wise, only proper to God: for by the Moon, Interpreters understand humane Nature, and by the Sun, God, the only Fountain of light; with which, agrees that which Christ himself, in the Gospel denies, That any one is to be called good, but one, and that is God: And then, if he is a fool, that is not wise, and every good man according to the Stoics, is a wise man, it is no wonder, if all mankind, be concluded under Folly: Again, Solomon, Chap. 15. Foolishness, saith he, is joy to the Fool, thereby plainly confessing, that without folly there is no pleasure in life: To which, is pertinent that other (Quis apponit Scientiam, etc.) He that increaseth knowledge, increaseth grief; and in much understanding, there is much indignation: And does he not plainly confess as much, Chap. 7. The heart of the wise is where sadness is, but the heart of fools follows mirth: by which you see, he thought it not enough, to have learned wisdom, without he had added the knowledge of me also: And if ye will not believe me, take his own words, Chap. 1. Dedi cor meum, etc.) I gave my heart to know wisdom and knowledge, madness and folly: Where, by the way, 'tis worth your remark, that he intended me somewhat extraordinary, that he named me last: A Preacher writ it, and this you know, is the order among Churchmen, that he that is first in Dignity, comes last in place, as mindful, no doubt, what ever they do in other things, herein at least to observe the Evangelical precept: Besides, That Folly is more excellent than Wisdom, the Son of Sirach, who ever he were, clearly witnesseth, Chap. 44. whose words, so help me Hercules, I shall not once utter before you meet (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 meam) my Induction, with a suitable answer, according to the manner of those in Plato, that dispute with Socrates: What things are more proper to be laid up with care, such as are rare and precious, or such as are common, and of no account? Why do you give me no answer? Well, though ye should dissemble, the Greek Proverb will answer for ye (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Fowl Water, is thrown out of doors; which, if any man shall be so ungracious as to contemn, let him know 'tis Aristotle's, the god of our Masters: Is there any of ye so very a Fool as to leave Jewels, and Gold in the street? In troth, I think not; in the most secret part of your Houses; nor is that enough if there be any Drawer in your Iron Chests, more private than other, there ye lay 'em; but dirt, ye throw out of doors: And therefore if ye so carefully lay up such things as you value, and throw away what's vile, and of no worth, Is it not plain, that Wisdom, which he forbids a man to hid, is of less account than Folly, which he commands him to cover: Take his own words, Better is the man that hideth his Folly, than he that hideth his Wisdom: Or what is that, when he attributes an upright mind, without Craft or Malice to a Fool, when a wise man the while, thinks no man like himself? For so I understand that in his Tenth Chap. (In via stultus, etc.) A Fool walking by the way, being a fool himself, supposes all men to be fools like him: And is it not a sign of great integrity, to esteem every man as good as himself, and when there is no one that leans not too much to ' their way, to be so frank yet, as to divide his praises with another? Nor was this great King ashamed of the Name, when he says of himself, that he is more foolish than any man: Nor did Paul, that great Doctor of the Gentiles, writing to the Corinthians, unwillingly acknowledge it; I speak, saith he, like a fool: I am more: As if it could be any dishonour to excel in Folly: But here I meet with a great noise of some, that endeavour (Cornicum oculos configere) to peck out the Crows eyes; that is, to blind the Doctors of our times, and smoke out their eyes with new Annotations; among whom, my friend Erasmus, whom for honour's sake, I often mention, deserves (si non Alpha, certe Beta) if not the first place, yet certainly the second; O most foolish instance, they cry, and well becoming Folly herself! The Apostles meaning was wide enough, from what thou dreamest; for he spoke it not in this sense, that he would have them believe him a greater fool than the rest, but when he had said, They are Ministers of Christ, the same am I; and by way of boasting herein, had equalled himself with ones, he added this by way of correction, or checking himself, I am more: As meaning, that he was not only equal to the rest of the Apostles, in the work of the Gospel, but somewhat superior: And therefore, while he would have this received as a Truth, lest nevertheless, it might not relish their ears, as being spoken with too much Arrogance, he foreshortened his Argument, with the Vzard of Folly: I speak like a fool, because he knew it was the Prerogative of fools, to speak what they list, and that too without offence: Whatever he thought when he writ this, I leave it to them to discuss; for my own part, I follow those fat, fleshy, and— vulgarly approved Doctors, with whom (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) by Jupiter! a great part of the learned had rather err than follow them, that understand the Tongues, though they are never so much in the right; not any of 'em make greater account, of (Graculos istos quam graculos) those smatterers at Greek, than if they were Daws; especially when a no small Professor (whose name, I wittingly conceal, lest those Choughs should chatter at me that Greek Proverb, I have so often mentioned (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) an Ass at a Harp) discoursing Magisterially and Theologically on this Text (I speak as a fool, I am more:) drew a new Thesis, and, which without the height of Logic, he could never have done, made this new Subdivision: (for I'll give ye his own words, not only in form, but matter also:) I speak like a fool: That is, If you look upon me as a fool, for comparing myself with those false Apostles, I shall seem yet a greater fool, by esteeming myself before 'em; though the same person a little after, as forgetting himself, runs off to another matter: But why do I thus staggeringly defend myself, with one single instance? As if it were not the common privilege of Divines to stretch Heaven, that is, Holy Writ, like a Cheverel; and when, there are many things in St. Paul, that thwart themselves, which yet, in their proper place, do well enough if there be any credit to be given (jui 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Hieronymo) to St. Jerom, that was Matter of five Tongues. Such was that of his at Athens, when having casually espied the inscription of that Altar, he wrested it into an Argument, to prove the Christian Faith, and leaving out all the other words, because they made against him, took notice only of the two last, viz. (Ignoto Deo) To the unknown God; and those too, not without some alteration, for the whole Inscription was thus: To the Gods of Asia, Europe, and Africa; To the unknown and strange Gods: And according to his example do (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) the Sons of the Prophets, who forcing out here and there four or five Expressions, and if need be corrupting the sense, wrist it to their own purpose; though what goes before, and follows after, make nothing to the matter in hand, nay, be quite against it: Which yet they do, with so happy an impudence, that oftentimes the Civilians envy them that faculty: For what is it in a manner, they may not hope for success in, when this great Doctor (I had almost bolted out his name, but that I once again stand in fear of the Greek Proverb) has made a construction on an expression of Luke, so agreeable to the mind of Christ, as are Fire and Water, to one another: For when the last point of danger was at hand, at which time, retainers and dependants, are wont in a more special manner to attend their Protectors, to examine what strength they have, and prepare (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) for the encounter, Christ intending to take out of his Disciples minds, all trust and confidence in such like defence, demands of them, Whether they wanted any thing, when he sent them forth so unprovided for a journey, that they had neither shoes to defend their feet from the injuries of stones and briers, nor the provision of a scrip, to preserve 'em from hunger; And when they had denied that they wanted any thing, he adds; But now, he that hath a bag, let him take it, and likewise a scrip: and he that hath none, let him sell his coat and buy a sword: And now, when the sum of all that Christ taught, pressed only Meekness, Suffering, and Contempt of life, who does not clearly perceive what he means in this place? To wit, that he might the more disarm his Ministers, that neglecting not only Shoes and Scrip, but throwing away their very Coat, they might, being in a manner naked, the more readily and with less hindrance, take in hand the work of the Gospel, and provide themselves of nothing but a sword; not such as Thiefs and Murderers go up and down with, but the Sword of the Spirit, that pierceth the most inward parts, & so cuts of as it were at one blow, all earthly affections, that they mind nothing, but their duty to God: But see, I pray, whither this famous Theologue wrists it: By the Sword, he interprets, defence against persecution; and by the Bag, sufficient provision to carry it on: As if Christ having altered his mind, in that he sent out his Disciples (parum 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) not so royally attended as he should have done, repent himself of his former instructions; or, as forgetting that he had said, (Blessed are ye when ye are evil spoken of, despised, and persecuted, etc. and forbade 'em to resist evil, for that the meek in Spirit, not the proud, are blessed) or, lest remembering, I say, that he had compared them to Sparrows and Lilies, thereby minding them, what small care they should take, for the things of this life, was so far now, from having them go forth without a Sword, that he commanded 'em to get one though with the sale of their Coat, and had rather they should go naked, than want a brawling-iron by their sides: And to this, as under the word Sword, he conceives to be comprehended what ever appertains to the repelling of injuries; so under that of Scrip, he takes in, whatever is necessary, to the support of life: And so does this deep Interpreter of the divine meaning, bring forth the Apostles, to preach the Doctrine of a crucified Christ, but furnished at all points, with Lances, Slings, Quarter-staffs, and Slings; Lading 'em also, with bag and baggage, lest perhaps, it might not be lawful for 'em, to leave their Inn, unless they were empty and fasting: Nor does he take the least notice of this, that he that so willed, the Sword to be bought, reprehends it a little after, and commands it to be sheathed, and that it was never heard, that the Apostles ever used, or swords or bucklers against the Gentiles, though 'tis likely they had done't, if Christ had ever intended, as this Doctor interprets: There is another too, whose name out of respect, I pass by, a man of no small repute, who from those Tents, which Halbakkuk mentions (Turbabuntur pelles, etc.) The Tents of the land of Midian shall tremble, drew this Exposition, that it was prophesied of the skin of Saint Bartholomew, who was flayed alive: and why (forsooth) but because those Tents were covered with skins? I was lately myself at a Theological dispute (for I am often there) where, when one was demanding, What authority there was in holy Writ, that commands Heretics to be convinced by Fire, rather than reclaimed by Argument, A crabbed old fellow, and one, whose supercilious gravity spoke him at least a Doctor, answered in a great fume, that Saint Paul had decreed it, who said, (Hareticum hominum, post unam & alteram correption●m, devita) Reject him that is a Heretic, after once or twice admonition; And when he had sundry times, one after another, thundered out the same thing, and most men wondered what ailed the man, at last he explained it thus, (making two words of one) Devita, hoc est, de vita, tollendum Haereticum, A Heretic must be put to death: Some laughed, and yet there wanted not others, to whom this Exposition, seemed plainly Theological; which, when some, though those very few, opposed, they cut off the dispute (Tenedia bipenni) as we say, with a Hatchet, and the credit of so  an Author: Pray conceive me said he; It is written, Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live: But every Heretic bewitches the people: therefore, etc. And now, as many as were present admired the man's wit, and consequently, submitted to his decision of the Question; Nor came it into any of their heads, that that Law concerned only Fortune-tellers, Enchanters, and Magicians, whom the Hebrews, call in their Tongue (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Mecaschephim) Witches, or Sorcerers: for otherwise perhaps, by the same reason, it might have as well have extended to fornication, and drunkenness: But I foolishly run on in these matters, though yet there are so many of 'em, that neither Chrysippus, nor Didymus' Volumes, are large enough to contain 'em; I would only desire ye to consider this, That if so great Doctors may be allowed this liberty, you may the more reasonably pardon, even me also (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) a raw, effeminate Divine, if I quote not every thing so exactly as I should: And so at last I return to Paul: (Libenter, etc.) ye willingly saith he, suffer my foolishness: And again, Take me as a fool: And further, I speak it not after the Lord, but as it were foolishly: And in another place, We are fools for Christ's sake: You have heard, from how great an Author, how great praises of Folly; And to what other end, but that without doubt, he looked upon it, as that one thing, both necessary, and profitable? If any one amongst ye (saith he) seem to be wise, let him be a fool, that he may be wise: And in Luke, Jesus called those two Disciples, with whom he joined himself upon the way, fools: Nor can I give ye any reason, why it should seem so strange, when Saint Paul imputes a kind of folly, even to God himself (Quod stultum est Dei, etc.) The foolishness of God (saith he) is wiser than men: Though yet I must confess, that Origen upon the place, denies, that this foolishness, may be resembled, to the uncertain judgement of men; of which kind, is that (Verbum crucis, etc.) The preaching of the cross, is to them that perish, foolishness: But why am I so careful to no purpose, that I thus run on to prove my matter, by so many testimonies, when in those mystical Psalms, Christ speaking to the Father, says openly, (Tu scis insipientiam meam) Thou knownest my foolishness: Nor is it without ground, that fools are so acceptable to God: the reason perhaps, may be this, that as Princes carry a suspicious eye upon those that are over-wise, and consequently, hate 'em; As Caesar did Brutus and Cassius, when he feared not in the least, drunken Antony; so Nero, Seneca; and Dionysius, Plato; and on the contrary, are delighted in those blunter, and unlaboured wits; In like manner Christ, ever abhors and condemns (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 istos) those wise men, and such as put confidence in their own wisdom: And this Paul makes clearly out, when he said, (Quae stulta sunt mundi, etc.) God hath chosen the foolish things of this world; and when he saith, It pleased God by foolishness to save the world; as well knowing, it had been impossible, to have reformed it by wisdom: Which also, he sufficiently declares himself, crying out by the mouth of his Prophet, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and cast away the understanding of the prudent: And again, when Christ gives Him thanks, that he had concealed the Mystery of Salvation from the wise, but revealed it to babes and sucklings, that is to say, Fools: for the Greek word for Babes is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, i. e. Fools, which he opposeth to the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, i. e. Wise men: To this appertains, that throughout the Gospel, you find him ever accusing the Scribes and Pharisees, and Doctors of the Law, but diligently defending the ignorant multitude: for what other is that, Woe to ye Scribes and Pharises, than woe to ye, ye wise men? but seems chief delighted in little Children, Women, and Fishers: Besides, among brute Beasts, he is best pleased with those, that have least in 'em, of the Fox's subtlety; And therefore, he chose rather, to ride upon an Ass, when if he had pleased, he might have bestrid the Lion, without danger; And the Holy Ghost came down, in the shape of a Dove, not of an Eagle or Kite; Add to this, that in Scripture there is frequent mention of Hearts, Hinds, and Lambs; and such as are destined to eternal life, are called sheep; than which creature, there is not any thing more foolish, if we may believe that Proverb of Aristole (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) sheepish manners; which he tells us, is taken from the foolishness of that creature, and is used to be applied, to dull-headed people, and lack-wits; And yet Christ professes, to be the Shepherd of this Flock, and is himself delighted with the name of a Lamb; according to Saint John, Behold the Lamb of God Of which also, there is much mention, in the Revelation: And what does all this drive at, but that all mankind are fools, nay, even the very best? And Christ himself, that he might the better relieve this Folly, being the wisdom of the Father, yet in some manner, became a fool, when taking upon him the nature of man, he was found in shape as a man; as in like manner, he was made Sin, that he might heal sinners: Nor did he work this Cure, any other way, than by the foolishness of the Cross, and a company of fat Apostles, not much better, to whom also he carefully recommended folly, but gave 'em a caution against wisdom, and drew 'em together, by the Example of little Children, Lilies, Mustardseed, and Sparrows, things senseless, and inconsiderable, living only by the dictates of Nature, and without either craft or care: Besides, when he forbade 'em to be troubled, about what they should say before Governors, and straightly charged 'em, not to inquire after times, and seasons, to wit, that they might not trust to their own wisdom, but wholly depend on him: And to the same purpose is it, that, that great Architect of the World, God, gave man an Injunction against his eating of the Tree of Knowledge, as if knowledge, were the bane of happiness; according to which also, St. Paul dis-allows it, as puffing up, and destructive; whence also, St. Bernard seems, in my opinion, to follow, when he interprets that mountain, whereon Lucifer had fixed his habitation, to be the mountain of knowledge: Nor perhaps ought I to omit this other argument, that folly is so gracious above, that her errors are only pardoned, those of wise men, never: Whence it is, that they that ask forgiveness, though they offend never so wittingly, cloak it yet, with the excuse of folly: So Aaron, in Numbers, if I mistake not the book, when he sues unto Moses, concerning his Sister's leprosy (Obsecro Domine mi, etc.) I beseech thee my Lord, not to lay this sin upon us, which we have foolishly committed: So Saul makes his excuse to David, For behold (saith he) I did it foolishly: And again, David himself, thus sweetens God, And therefore I beseech thee, O Lord, to take away the trespass of thy Servant, for I have done foolishly; as if he knew, there was no pardon to be obtained, unless he had coloured his offence, with folly, and ignorance: And stronger is that of Christ upon the Cross, when he prayed for his enemies, Father forgive them; nor does he cover their crime, with any other excuse, than that of unwittingnesse; because, saith he, they know not what they do: In like manner Paul, writing to Timothy, But therefore, I obtained mercy, for that I did it ignorantly, through unbeluf: And what is the meaning of, I did it ignorantly, but that I did it out of folly, not malice? And what of, Therefore I received mercy, but that I had not obtained it, had I not been made more allowable, through the covert of folly? For us also, makes that mystical Psalmist, though I remembered it not in its right place, Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my ignorances': You see what two things he pretends, to wit, Youth, whose companion I ever am, and Ignorances', and that in the plural number, a number of multitude, whereby we are to understand, that there was no small company of 'em: But not to run too far, in that which is infinite; to speak briefly, All Christian Religion, seems to have a kind of alliance with folly, and in no respect to have any accord with wisdom: of which, if ye expect proofs, consider first, that boys, old men, women, and fools, are more delighted with religious, and sacred things than others, and to that purpose, are ever next the Altars, and this they do, by mere impulse of Nature: And in the next place, you see that those first founders of it, were plain, simple persons, and most bitter enemies of Learning: Lastly, there are no sort of fools, seem more out of the way, than are these, whom the zeal of Christian Religion, has once swallowed up; so that they waste their estates, neglect injuries, suffer themselves to be cheated, put no difference between friends and enemies, abhor pleasure, are crammed with poverty, watch, tears, labours, reproaches, loathe life, and wish death above all things; in short, they seem senseless to common understanding, as if their minds lived elsewhere, and not in their own bodies; which, what else is it, than to be mad? for which reason, you must not think it so strange, if the Apostles seemed to be drunk with new wine, and if Paul appeared to Festus to be mad: But now having once gotten on (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) the Lion's skin, Go to, and I'll show ye, that this happiness of Christians, which they pursue with so much toil, is nothing else, but a kind of madness and folly; far be it, that my words should give any offence, rather consider, my matter: And first, the Christians and Platonics, do as good as agree in this, that the Soul is plunged, and fettered in the prison of the body, by the grossness of which, it is so tied up, and hindered, that it cannot take a view of, or enjoy things, as they truly are; and for that cause, their master defines Philosophy, to be a contemplation of death, because it takes off the mind, from visible and corporeal objects, than which, death does no more; And therefore, as long as the Soul useth the Organs of the Body in that right manner it ought, so long it is said to be in good state and condition; but when having broke its fetters, it endeavours to get lose, and assays, as it were, a flight out of that prison, that holds it in, they call it madness; and if this happen through any distemper, or indisposition of the organs, then, by the common consent of every man, 'tis downright madness: And yet we see such kind of men, foretell things to come, understand Tongues and Letters, they never learned before, and seem as it were, big with a kind of Divinity: Nor is it to be doubted, but that it proceeds from hence, that the mind being somewhat at liberty, from the infection of the body, gins to put forth itself, in its native vigour; and I conceive, 'tis from the same cause, that the like often happens, to sick men, a little before their death, that they discourse in strain above mortality, as if they were inspired: Again, if this happens, upon the score of Religion, though perhaps it may not be the same kind of madness, yet 'tis so near it, that a great many men, would judge it no better, especially, when a few inconsiderable people, shall differ from the rest of the world, in the whole course of their life: And therefore it fares with them, as according to the Fiction of Plato, happens to those, that being cooped up in a cave, stand gaping with admiration, at the shadows of things; & that fugitive, who having broke from 'em, and returning to 'em again, told 'em he had seen, things truly as they were, and that they were the most mistaken, in believing there was nothing but pitiful shadows: for as this wise man, pitied, and bewailed, their palpable madness, that were possessed with so gross an error; so they, in return, laughed at him, as a doting fool, and cast him out of their company: In like manner, the common sort of men, chief admire those things, that are most corporeal, and almost believe, there is nothing beyond 'em; whereas on the contrary, these devout persons, by how much the nearer, any thing concerns the body, by so much the more they neglect it, and are wholly hurried away with the contemplation of things invisible; for the one, give the first place to riches, the next, to their corporal pleasures, leaving the last place to their soul, which yet, most of 'em do scarce believe, because they can't see it with their eyes: On the contrary, the others, first, rely wholly on God the most unchangeable of all things; and next him, yet on this that comes nearest him, they bestow the second on their soul; and lastly, for their body, they neglect that care, and contemn, and fly moneys, as superfluity that may be well spared; or if they are forced to meddle, with any of these things, they do it carelessly, and much against their wills, having, as if they had it not, and possessing, as if they possessed it not: There are also in each several things, several degrees, wherein they disagree among themselves: And first, as to the senses, though all of 'em, have more or less affinity with the body, yet of these, some are more gross, and blockish, as tasting, hearing, seeing, smelling, touching; some more removed from the body, as memory, intellect, and the will: and therefore to which of these the mind applies its self, in that lies it force: But holy men, because the whole bent of their minds, is taken up with those things, that are most repugnant to these grosser senses, they seem brutish, and stupid, in the common use of them: Whereas on the contrary, the ordinary sort of people, are best at these, and can do least at tother, from whence it is, as we have heard, that some of these holy men, have, by mistake, drunk oil, for wine: Again, in the affections of the mind, some have a greater commerce with the body, than others, as lust, desire of meat, and sleep, anger, pride, envy, with which, holy men are at irreconcilable enmity; and contrary, the common people, think there's no living without 'em: And lastly, there are certain middle kind of affections, and as it were, natural to every man; As the love of ones Country, Children, Parents, Friends, and to which, the common people attribute no small matter; whereas tother, strive to pluck 'em out of their mind; unless, insomuch as they arrive to that highest part of the soul, that they love their Parents, not as Parents, (for what did they get but the body? though yet we own it to God, not them) but as good men, or women, and in whom, shines the Image of that highest wisdom, which alone, they call the chiefest good, and out of which, they say there is nothing to be beloved or desired: And by the same rule, do they measure all things else, so that they make less account, of whatever is visible, unless it be altogether contemptible, than of those things, which they cannot see: But they say, that in Sacraments, and other religious Duties, there is both body, and Spirit: As in fasting, they count it not enough for a man to abstain from eating (which the common people take for an absolute Fast) unless there be also a lessening of his depraved affections: As that he be less angry, less proud, than he was wont, that the Spirit being less clogged, with its bodily weight, may be the more intent upon heavenly things: In like manner, in the Eucharist, though, say they, it is not to be esteemed the less, that 'tis administered with Ceremonies, yet of its self, 'tis of little effect, if not hurtful, unless that which is spiritual be added to it, to wit, that which is represented under those visible signs: Now the death of Christ is represented by it, which all men, vanquishing, abolishing, and as it were, burying their carnal affections, aught to express, in their lives and conversations, that they may grow up, to a newness of life, and be one with him, and the same, one amongst another: This a holy man does, and in this, is his only meditation: Whereas on the contrary, the common people think there's no more in that Sacrifice, than to be present at the Altar, and crowed next it, to have a noise of words, and look upon the Ceremonies: Nor in this alone, which we only proposed by way of example, but in all his life, and without hypoc icy, does a holy man fly those things, that have any alliance with the body, and is wholly ravished, with things Eternal, Invisible, and Spiritual: for which cause, there's so great a contrariety of opinion between 'em, and that too, in every thing, that each party, thinks the other out of their wits; though that character, in my judgement, better agrees with those holy men, than the common people: which yet, will be more clear, if as I promised, I briefly show ye, that that great reward, they so much fancy, is nothing else but a kind of madness: And therefore suppose, that Plato dreamt of somewhat like it, when he called the madness of Lovers, the most happy condition, of all others: for he that's violently in Love, lives not in his own body, but in the thing he loves; and by how much the farther he runs from himself, into another by so much the greater is his pleasure; and then, when the mind strives to rove from its body, and does not rightly use its own organs, without doubt, you may say, 'tis downright madness, and not be mistaken: or otherwise, what's the meaning of those common say (Non est apud se: Ad te redi: Sibi redditus est) He does not dwell at home: Come to yourself: He's his own man again? Besides, the more perfect, and true, his love is, the more pleasant is his madness: And therefore, what is that life hereafter, after which, these holy minds, so pantingly breathe, like to be? To wit, the Spirit shall swallow up the Body, as conqueror, and more durable; and this it shall do, with the greater ease, because heretofore, in its life-time, it had cleansed and thinned it into such another nothing as its self: And then, the Spirit again, shall be wonderfully swallowed up, by that highest mind, as being more powerful, than infinite parts; So that the whole man is to be out of himself, nor to be otherwise happy in any respect, but that being stripped of himself, he shall participate of somewhat ineffable, from that chiefest good, that draws all things into its self: And this happiness, though 'tis only then perfected, when souls being joined to their former bodies, shall be made immortal, yet forasmuch as the life of holy men, is nothing but a continued meditation, and as it were shadow of that life, it so happens, that at length, they have some taste or relish of it; which, though it be but as the smallest drop, in comparison of that fountain of eternal happiness, yet it far surpasses all worldly delight, though all the pleasures of all mankind, were all joined together: So much better are things spiritual, than things corporal, and things invisible, than things visible; which doubtless is that, which the Prophet promiseth; The eye hath not seen, nor the ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man to consider, what God has provided for them that love him: And this is that, Mary's better part, which is not taken away, by change of life, but perfected: And therefore, they that are sensible of it (and few there are, to whom this happens) suffer a kind of somewhat, little differing from madness; for they utter many things, that do not hang together, and that too, not after the manner of men; but make a kind of sound, which they neither heed themselves, nor is it understood by others, and change the whole figure of their countenance; One while jocund, another while dejected, now weeping, then laughing, and again sighing: And when they come to themselves, tell ye, they know not where they have been, whether in the body, or out of the body, or sleeping; nor do they remember what they have heard, seen, spoken, or done, and only know this, as it were in a mist or dream, that they were the most happy, while they were so out of their wits; And therefore they are sorry, they are come to themselves again, and desire nothing more, than this kind of madness, to be perpetually mad: And this is a small taste of that future happiness. But I forget myself, and (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) run beyond my bounds; Though yet, if I shall seem, to have spoken any thing more boldly, or impertinently, than I ought, be pleased to consider, that not only Folly, but a Woman said it; remembering in the mean time, that Greek Proverb (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) Sometimes a fool may speak a word in season; unless perhaps you'll say, this concerns not Women. I see you expect an Epilogue, but give me leave to tell ye, you are much mistaken, if you think I remember any thing, of what I have said, having foolishly bolted out, such a hodge podg of words: 'Tis an old Proverb (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) I hate one that remembers what's done over the Cup; This is a new one of my own making (〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉) I hate a man that remembers what he hears: Wherefore, farewell, clap your hands, live, and drink lustick, my most excellent Disciples of Folly.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. FINIS.