ΕΡΩΤΟΠΟΛΙΣ.  
THE Present State OF BETTYLAND.  
LONDON, Printed for Tho. Fox, at the White-Hart, over against St. Dunstans-Church in Fleetstreet; and at the Angel in Westminster-Hall, 1684.   

THE Present State of BETTYLAND.  
THE Country of Bettyland is a Continent adjoining to the Isle of Man, having the Island of Man wholly under its Jurisdiction, it is of so large an Ext●nt, that it spreads its self through all degrees whatsoever, but the chiefest degrees whi●● are known to those that travel are from 16 to 45 both of Southern and Northern Latitude, they that st●er by the Rules of Compass shall never know the Dominions of it. The Planet which rules it is Venus, though some aver that it lies all within the Tropic of Capricorn, but for that Constellation which is called Virgo, there are very few of the Inhabitants of this Country can endure to hear it named: they wonder what that lusty Planet the Sun can have to do with it.  
In this vast Empire of Bettyland there are several very large Provinces, as the Province of Rutland, wherein stands the Metropolis of the whole Empire called Pego, the great Province of Bedford, the wide Province of Willshire, the Province of Guelderland very little inhabited, the Province of Slavonia, the Province of Curland, the Province of Maldavia, famous for the great City of Lipsick, the vast Territory of Croatia, with the Province of Holland, a migh●ty Tract of land under the Command of Count Horn, with many others too long, to repeat. There was formerly a certain Promontory or neck of land lying in this Country, called the Cape of Good Hope, but time has so utterly defaced it that there is hardly any sign thereof now remaining: The Temperature of the Soil is as various as you may imagine any Climate to be that lies under so many far distant Meridian's, sometimes so cold (especially when it feels the refreshing influences of Wealth and Youth decay, that Winter is more kind, nay the very hearts of the people will be frozen, and a Cart loaden with whole Canon may go over the streams of their former affection, nothing but Ice of Disdain, hailstones of Malice, and most bitter storms of Reproach: sometimes so hot again, that a man had better be let down in a basket in at the great hole of Mount Aetna, than travel in some parts of the Country, but touch it sometimes and you shall lose a Member; it is worse than the Churchyard in Paris, which consumes dead Carcases in four and twenty hours, for if a man make a hole in some part of the mould, and put but an inch of his flesh in, it will raise such a flame in his body, as would make him think Hell to be upon Earth: to say truth, the nature of the Soil is very strange, so that if a man do but take a piece of it in his hand, 'twill cause (as it were) an immediate Delirium, and make a man fall flat upon his face upon the ground, where if he have not a care, he may chance to lose a limb, swallowed up in a whirl-pit, not without the Effusion of the choicest part of the blood: But for Tillage the Soil is so proper, and so delightful it is to manure, that be it fruitful, or be it barren, men take the greatest pleasure in the world to plow it and sow it, nay there are some men that take it for so great a pastime, that they will give some a ●housand some two thousand pound a year for a little spot in that Country, not so big as the palm of your hand: Herein it is of a different nature from all other soils, for though it be fertile enough, yet after you have sufficiently ploughed it and sown it, it requires neither showers nor the dew of Heaven, nor puts the husbandman to the troublesome Prayers for the alteration of weather; yet if the husbandman be not very careful to tend it and water it himself every night, once or twice a ●ight, as they do Marjoram after Sunset, he will find a great deal of trouble all the year long, though there be a sort of Philosophers that understand the nature of the Soil very well, who say that that kind of Husbandry is very unnatural and very inconvenient for the Soil, and that it were far better for a provident Husbandman to have 3 or 4 or half a dozen farms one under another than to spend so much time, toil and labour altogether in vain, for thereby many times the Crop comes to nothing, and though it may be very well got off the ground and seem fair for the time, yet when you think to have the benefit of it, you shall see it afterwards come to nothing, and moulder away like a rotting Orange: If the Soil be barren, all the dung in the world will never do it any good, yet the more barren it is, the more will the Soil cleave and gape for moisture, the sands of Arabia are not so thirsty, and yet as if there were a kind of witchcraft in the Soil, there are thousands of Husbandmen so strangely besotted, that when they have happened upon such a barren spot as this, yet they will not stick to lay out their whole stock upon it, though they know it to be all to no purpose, whereby many Husbandmen come to ruin, not being able to pay their Landlords; if the Soil prove ●fruitful, than they are as mad again on the other side, than they so overstock it with variety of Flowers and Colours, so tire out Art with Inventions to beautify nature, that when winter comes there is hardly a leaf left to cover the ground; as to the colour of the Soil you shall have it very much vary, for in some places you shall meet with a sandy mould which is generally very rank and very hot in its temperature, so that it requires the greatest labour of all to manure it, sometimes you shall light upon a kind of a white Chalk or ma●ly kind of a Soil not so difficult to manure, and besides the heart of the ground will be soon eaten out; sometimes you meet with a brown mould which is of two sorts, either light brown, or dark brown. Husbandmen generally take great delight in manuring either of these, for the Air is there generally wholesome, and not so much annoyed with morning and evening Fogs and Vapours as the former, besides that, the husbandman shall be sure to have his pennyworth out of them, for they will seldom lie fallow; take which you will, but if you meet with a black Soil, be sure you take short Leases, and sit at an easy Rent, lest your back pay for the Tillage, for you must labour there night and day and all little enough: To tell you the truth, choose which of them you will, 'tis a cursed expensive thing to manure any of them all according as the Soil requires, especially in the Northern parts of the Country, where the generality of the Husbandmen seem to have forfeited their discretion in this particular, as if the very Air of the Soil in those parts had a kind of bewitching Charm to deprive 'em of their senses. These soils if they prove very fruitful indeed, shall sometimes bring you 3 Crops at a time, sometimes 2, but generally 1, a strange sort of Harvest, for it consists chiefly in Mandrakes, they bring forth both Male and Female, which are very tender when they appear first above ground, and must be tended more diligently than Musk-Melons in cold weather, but if they overcome their first tenderness, they grow as hardy as Bur Docks, and will overrun a Country like jerusalem-artichoaks. These Mandrakes are very much esteemed by the generality of husbandmen, who do very much lament the loss of their Crop, which many times miscarries after it is come out of the Earth, for it is very often blasted and sometimes (through the carelessness of idle huswives their maid Servants) swept out of doors, and thrown into houses of Office, where (though Man's dung be counted the best of all dungs) these Plants will never thrive afterwards; these Husbandmen that delight in Gardens, find many Flowers there growing very agreeable to the nature of every one of the foregoing soils; among the rest, they bear Bachelors Buttons very familiarly, there is also great store of Love lies a bleeding, but above all sweet Williams, and Tickle me quickly are to be found there in great abundance, sometimes (though very rarely here and there) you may find some few slips of Patience, flower Gentle, and Hearts-ease, but Rue grows up and down as thick as Grass in Ireland; there are also great quantities of Time, but the people of the Country slightly esteem it and make very little use of it. Fowl th●y have in great plenty, but above all, the most infinite flights of Wagtails that ever were seen in any Country in the world. Beasts they have none but what are horned, except the Hare and Coney, but these are enough to stock the Country as large as it is, were it as large again.  
There is but one great River to water the whole land, besides two standing Pools which they can upon any occasion, let out and drown all the Country, which is the reason they have very little Fish, only some few Maids, but infinite numbers of Crabs, as for their Carp they are grown so common, they are hardly worth taking notice of, and indeed there is little need of ●ish, for the husbandmen being given to labour, have good stomaches and are altogether for Flesh. the great River is overlook by a great Mountain which (strange to tell at some seasons of the year) will swell at such a rate that it is admirable to behold it, the swelling continues near ¾ of a year, and then upon a sudden it falls as strangely again; the Husbandmen account the swelling of this Mountain very ominous, for it generally portends a very dear year: they that have not taken a Lease of their Farms, when they see this Mountain begin to swell, will run quite away for fear the law should make them stand to their Bargains: the whole Country of Bettyland shows you a very fair prospect, which is yet the more delightful the more naked it lies; it makes the finest Landscapes in the world, if they be taken at the full Extent; and many of your rich husbandmen will never be without them hanging at their bed sides, especially they that have no Farms of their own, merely that they may seem to enjoy what they have not: some there are that so really believe they possess the substance by the sight of the shadow, that they fall to till and manure the very Picture with that strength of Imagination, that it is a hundred pounds to a penny they do not spoil it with their Instruments of Agriculture: others never so lazy or never so tired before, upon the sight of one of these Landscapes, shall revive again and go as fresh and lusty to their labour as if they never had been weary: I could wish these Customs were left off of hanging, these Landscapes by the husbandmen's bed sides, for the consequences thereof are very mischivous, seeing that it causes them to desire and covet one another's Farms with that eagerness, as if they were in open Hostility with the Tenth Commandment, so that where they cannot get the prospect itself, they will have a Landskip and occupy one another's Estate in conceit: In a word, the prospect of Bettyland is so grateful, so pleasing to the Eye, that the Country would be overrun with Inhabitants, had not wise Nature put a stop to that extravagancy which she foresaw in Man by the badness of the Air, which is universally not so dilicious in any Region of Bettyland, as it is in Arabia Faelix; for neither in spring-time, which is the time whereof we now discourse, nor in summer time can the Air be very much commended, especially if the wind be any thing high, which has made many Men admire why the Poets should be such Liars and Sycophants to talk as they do; for some have not stuck to affirm that the Perfumes of Bettyland are beyond all the Odours of the East, which how true it is, I will appeal to the very Noses of the Poets themselves, who I know are as well skilled in the Country of Bettyland as any Husbandmen in the world; nor can any body have the confidence to contradict what I say, that shall stay but a quarter of an hour in any place where the Thrashers have been lately at work. This was the reason that the Poets would never let the Gods (who were as great Farmers as ever lived in Bettyland) lie upon any other beds than beds of Roses, and always presumed the Air as they went with the richest Odours they could think of, but in the Winter and Autumn seasons there is no enduring the Country: The Prospect is not worth one farthing, the ways grow deep and rugged, the land grows barren; there is little or no pleasure in tilling the ground, and the unwholsomness of the Air increases, which is very bad for those that hold their Farms by long leases, yet so severely are some Husbandmen tied by their Leases, especially in the Northern parts of this Country, that there is no avoiding them, yet some there are that will for all that, privately hire a new Farm, perhaps such a one where neither Spade or Dibble entered before, and then they let the old only lie fallow, wherein if they act cautiously, they may do well enough; but if the Landlord of the old Farm come to know of it, and sue upon the Covenant of the old Lease, Heavens bless us! you would think Heaven an● Earth were going together, you would swear all the Lapland Witches were excercising their Sorceries in Bettyland, such Storms, such Tempests, such Thunder, such Lightning, such Apparitions, enough to scare the poor plow-jogger out of his wits: by and by the Landlady enters upon the new Farm in the Devil's name, tears down all before her, makes such a disfigurement of the Prospect, and digs up the very surface of the Soil itself with so much indignation, havoc and destruction, that you would think her to be quite raving mad, yet there shall be no impeachment of waist against her, so strictly is the husbandman bound by the Covenants of his Lease and nonsensical Custom of the Country, at which time if ye chance to tell any of these Landladies of the Civil Law, they'll presently spit in your face.  
Having thi● fair occasion it will not be amiss to take notice by what Tenors the husbandmen hold their Farms most usually in this Country, some therefore you must know hold in Tail special; true it is, that there are v●ry few that hold by this Tenure, yet thos● few that do, a●e soon weary of it, for it puts them to very hard duty, and however they have taken a Lease hand over head or for covetousness of a good Bargain, yet it many times falls out that they meet with many Encumbrances which they never thought of, several concealed common sewers, and filthy nuisances which they never expected, so that the Landlords (as they do many times allow the husbandmen considerable sums of money to enter upon the Premises and to begin the world withal) had better have given the sam● money for a meaner Soil; and 〈◊〉 for all this, the conditions of the Lease are so hard, that the husbandman is obliged to hold it during life, which makes many of them turn ill husbands: and though they cannot throw up their Leases, yet they neglect their Calling and let their Farms lie fallow: whereby all possibility of Issue or the hopes of any Fruit of his labour becomes Extinct. Thus a Tail special is not always the most special Tail, and to cut it off would hazard the destruction of the whole Title, besides that there lies such an Impeachment of waist against the Husbandman that should do it, that it would undo him for ever; and therefore it is the Opinion of many, that a Tail General may be as good as a Tail Special, which though it be the first Tenure in order in Bettyland, yet some there are that p●efer a Tail General before it. All men must confess that a strict property in a Tail Special is a very good thing, but considering the Inconveniences that do attend it, a general Tail may be esteemed the better Tenure, as being accompanied with greater Advantages, for it requires not half the fealty and homage which the other does, neither if the Husbandman will have a private Farm to himself for his divertisement i● there half so much notice taken of it, and therefore they that can brook the freedom of a Tail General live very happily, and many times acquire large fortunes.  
Others there are that holds by Knight's Service in the Courtesy of Bettyland, these are notable Farmers indeed, jolly, brisk fellows that will spend with ever a Gentleman in the Country of a thousand pound a year, and make them pawn their Credit and their Substance to boot to bear up with them: these men as they have the greatest pleasure in the world to manure their Grounds, so they reap a world of profit by their labour; nay though the Soil be never so long worn and out of heart, yet they will make something on't, for they seldom lose their pains. There are a fort of nice people that would fain disallow these Tenors, but seeing that they plead the common practice and plead prescription time out of mind, I know no reason why they may not pass for currant: others there are ●hat hold in Fee simple, a miserable sort of Swains, that are always weeping to their neighbours, and ●elling sto●ies o● their hard Bargains▪ 〈…〉, they are tied to 〈…〉, besides that, 〈…〉 which they enjoy have nothing of prospect, nor are kind for ●illage, the mould being generally 〈◊〉 and rough, and 〈…〉 there is no pleasure in the Tillage: but such husbandmen as those a●e no ways to be pitied, because they submit to their Calamity: others there are which are always dealing in Reversions and Remainders, a very necessary sort of husbandmen indeed, for they support the Reputation of many a Farm prejudiced by being over-occupied, which else would lie upon the Landlord's hands; true it is, they run a very great hazard, but they are generally very poor men, and therefore seeing there is money to be got e'en let them get it: they are no way to be discouraged▪ for they help many a laborious husbandman at a dead lift, and quit them of a great deal of trouble which might otherwise befall them.  
Reversions and Remainders are very frequent in this Country, especially where the husbandmen being Yeomen of the best rank hold either in Capite or in Frankmarriage or else are Tenants at Will: These are the bravest f●llows in the wo●ld, but if the Marke●s run low, than th● Crop lies upon 〈◊〉 hands, which makes them willing to part with their Reversions upon any rate: They make no more of the Lord of the Manner than of a Jack-a-Lent, and if they be summoned to Court, they bid the Bailiff kiss their backsides, yet are they as industrious as any when they meet with a Farm to their liking; but the truth on't is, they are great spenders, even as fast as they get it; happy are those Farms which they manure, for they'll spare for no cost to increase their own content: The mischief on't is, they must have great stocks or else they can never go through with what they undertake, nor must they have only good Magazines to spend high, but good store of discretion to boot, or else they may chance to bring an old house over their heads for all their great substance, for the world is full of Eyes and Ears, full of prying busybodies and observers in every Corner; so that a husbandman let him hold by what Tenure he pleases, cannot be too wary or too cautious. Two Philosophers meeting upon the Road fell into a Discourse about these three last sorts of Tenors, says one of them who was a perfect Cynic, I approve none of the three last sort of Tenors; You are a fool, replied the other, and understand the nature of Bettyland no more than a horse, the people in that Country are naturally given to love freedom and liberty, naturally prone to change and variety, and therefore as long as you may find these Tenors in Littleton, as I am sure you may, they cannot be bad; can you change the nature of the Soil? no more can you change the nature of the Husbandmen, for though you thrust Nature back with a fork she will push forwards again: if they manure their Farms well, and you see the fields full and fair and swelling with Grain, if they make them bear their Crops in season, what is it to you how many Farms they have, how long or how little they hold them, especially when there are so many gaping after Reversions; were it in a Country where there are more Farmers than Farms, I grant you there were some reason for what you say, but every man of reading knows that Bettyland is a Country where there are ten Farms for one Farmer and it is great pity that any Farm should lie fallow for want of manuring. Now when one Farmer takes one Farm for pleasure, another for profit, that Farmer takes two; when another Farmer takes one farm for profit, another for pleasure, and another upon good liking, he takes three, and so all the Farms come to be occupied: As for being Tenants at Will, and so leaving their Farms when they will, 'tis not a farthing matter, for let one husbandman have a Farm to day, another will take it tomorrow; on the other side, you must consider, that though a husbandman have one, two or three Farms to himself, yet there is no Farmer in Bettyland can enclose his own ground all the year long by the custom of the Country, but that from Lammas to St. Pauls-tide, it must lie common for the benefit of his neighbours, which is allowed in Law, and is called common because of neighbourhood: nay more than that, there is hardly a Farm in Bettyland, where there is not some ground that lies common all the year long; so that if the poor husbandman had not some private Enclosures to rely to, his case were the worst case of all the cases in the world: to say truth, there is such a world of Common in Bettyland, that a husbandman is not to be blamed to get as much Enclosure as he can: and more than this, when the ground begins once to lie common, it receives all the Beasts in nature, not excepting Swine, Geese and Goats, which all other Commons admit not of.  
The whole Country of Bettyland lies very low, which is the r●●son th●t there is ha●dly a Farm in 〈…〉 of it without a Decoy, nor 〈…〉 cunning of the Decoyd●●ks l●ss notorious, for they 〈◊〉 all other Decoy-ducks that are in the world in wi●es and subtlety. There is not a Widgeon in in all the Country, but has a Decoy-duck to wait upon him, and they lay their Trains so cunningly, that it is impossible to escape them, and as they are very cunning, so they are very cruel, for they never get a Gull into their Decoy, but they shall pull off all his feathers: these Decoys are some Natural, some Artificial; there is not a pin to choose betwixt them, for they are both plaguy devouring things, and clear all the Country before them, of whatever game they seek after. Orpheus in his Argonautiques, speaking of a great Decoy-duck in his time (which the people of Bettyland called by the name of Circe) says that she was so curiously set out 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. That all men admired her that beheld her, and were so stupisied with the sight of her gaiety that they could make no resistance against her, sor saith the same Author, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, her golden feathers shone like the Sunbeams, nor do they cry like other Ducks: for they have most delicate voices, and can sing far beyond any Nightingales.  
There is no Country in the world that has Decoy-ducks like Bettyland, being a rarity no where else to be ●ound, were there not so many of them, you would verily take them to be Phenixes: for they are many times burnt in their own Nests. This Decoy-duck called Circe, had like to have spoiled us two of the best Stories we have extant: Homer's Ulysses, and Virgil's Aeneids, for this very Duck had like to have drawn the two great Hero's of the world, Ulysses and Aeneas into the Decoys of Bettyland, to the ruin of all the projects of the very Gods themselves.  
There was another Decoy-duck no less famous than the former, which was called Medea, a damned mischievous Bird, though for the beauty of her wings said to be the Suns. Grandchild: for what ever game she gets into her Decoy, she utterly ruins, and therefore Nicander a great Farmer in Bettyland and the high-Constables fellow for knowledge of the Country, giveth his fellow-husbandmen very good caution, for saith he— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉— If a poor husbandman come to be decoyed into one of her Decoys. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉— the poor Widgon had better a thousand times have fallen into the Poulterer's hands.  
From these two famous Decoy-ducks, have all the Decoy-ducks in Bettyland learned all their wiles and cunning Tricks, and if any thing of nature be wanting, they hav● all their kinck-knacks, all their postures, gestures, trickings and tri●●ings imaginable to help nature; for they know as well as can be, how weakly those Avenues to the understanding (the Eyes and Ears) are guarland, and therefore they chiefly lay their Trains there: if they see a Widgeon or a Gull pass by, they will spread their Tails like so many Peacocks, and set the poor silly birds a staring like so many Country Bumpkins at a Coronation. By and by comes a slight of Dotterels, and then they set up their throats and sing, and sing and ●ly, and ●ly and sing; so that the foolish Fowl bewitched with their Quail-pipes, follow their birdcalls to whatever inconveniences they are minded to carry them into. Some are of that opinion, that it is an easy thing to avoid these Decoys: but how can that be, when we find that both Ulysses and Aeneas were forced to have some God or other always tied to their tails to keep them out of harms way? Some there are indeed, that by dint of main Prudence escape the danger, but for one of those there are a thousand others that have nothing but their dear-bought Experience to preserve them: And for one of those ten thousand more that will suffer themselves to be decoyed six or seven and twenty times over, till they have not one feather to cover their tails: for the nature of these Decoys is such, that though they feed a simple husbandman (that all the while neglects the manuring of his own Farm) with such pleasure and content, yet they consume and waste both body and purse most desperately and insensibly: desperately, because inj●rably; insensibly, because the s●lly husbandman wallowing in present delight, neither consults or minds approaching misfortune, yet if a Gull or a Dotterel or a Widgeon have a mind to be revenged upon a Decoy-duck that has been too cunning for him, there is a way to do it, by setting another Decoy-duck upon her.  
Thus when the Decoy-duck Medea would have decoyed the greatest Farmer in all Bettyland (even jupiter himself) juno who was jupiters' Decoy-duck took her and wrung off her neck, and surely juno served her well enough for a proud Quinstrel as she was, that spent all the morning in laying her Nets, if we may believe Apollonius Rhodius, another great Farmer in Bettyland who describes her.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Trimming and pruning her Feathers by the Seaside, that is to say, sitting before a great looking-Glass in her Smock-sleeves, with her Hair dishevelled, and her Neck and Breasts bare, expecting the coming of the great Farmer jupiter, but juno prevented them both, as you have heard: and so much for the Decoys in Bettyland.  
For the Antiquity of the Country we need not go far to search it out: no sooner was there any light delivered to the world by Letters, but the first discovery that was made, was the discovery of Bettyland: what it was before may be easily conjectured, but in the time of the Greek and Roman Poets, it was a flourishing Kingdom even in Heaven itself: containing all that large Tract which was in Greek called 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: nay, ev●n Caelum it self f●om whom Heaven was called Caelum, was a Farmer in that Country, and so great a husband man, so great and so industrious a Manurer of his Farms, that Orpheus calls him 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: And by the Latin Poet he is said, 
— Faecundis Imbribus  
Conjugis in Gremium laetae discendere.  And how he stocked the world with Mandrakes, you may easily read in Hesiod, who in his Theogony wrote of the Celestial Agriculture, as Markham among us wrote of Terrestrial Husbandry.  
Saturn also was a great Husbandman in the Celestial part of Bettyland, and because he lived upon his Means, was therefore said to eat his own Children: But for jupiter, he was certainly the greatest Husbandman that ●ver was in the whole World, for he had Farms in both Betty-lands, and was so industrious and so infatigable in manuring and tilling them, that he left no stone unturned of which he could make any Advantage: And therefore Aratus who was a kind of an Almanac-maker to the Celestial Farmers says of him with a great deal of slattery, 
— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉,  so that there was not a public highway, not a marketplace in all the Country which he left unplowed: nay the very Sea, the very Rivers and Lakes were full of his Husbandry; by that you may guests that he l●ft a great stock behind him. The same Poet seems also to intimate t●●t he was the first Foun●●● (as 〈◊〉 as we say jupiter was the 〈…〉 in the world) of 〈◊〉- land, as Nimrod was the first founder of the Babilonish Empire; for saith he in the beginning of his Poem, a joveprincipium, Apollonius Rhodius gives us a notable Character of him. 
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  He was so great a husbandman that there was never a Farm either in the Terrestrial or Celestial Bettyland, but he would be thrusting his Spade into it; to tell the truth, all the Poet's Fables concur to show you the Original, Increase and vast Extent of the Country of Bettyland; such as are the Stories of Caelum, jupiter, Saturn, Venus, Priapus, Adonis, Bacchus, Aristius, (and the rest too long to repeat) all great Husbandmen that kept their blows going day and night. As t● the Terrestrial Bettyland, what think you of that most applanded Farmer Hercules? that so many Ages ago ploughed and sowed 50 large Farms in one night: what havoc, what killing and slaying of the poor Grecians, what a destruction of unhappy Troy, and all for one unhappy Farm belonging to that City which Menelaus laid claim to: what think ye of Demosthenes that so many years since gave for the possession of a small Farm lying about Athens only for one night 312 l.? for so Gellius records.  
In what a flourishing condition was the Country of Bettyland in the time of Menander, Aristophanes, Anaereon, Plautus, Terence, Tribullus, Ovid, Martial and Petronius, who all wrote of the Husbandry and Tillage of their times? In the Infancy of the world, Priapus had so engrossed all the Farms in the Country Lampsacus, a fair Territory of Bettyland, by reason of the unusual Activity, largeness and strength of his Blow, that the Countrymen conspired against him for monopolising their Livings: I might insist longer upon the Antiquity of Bettyland, but that I am apt to believe there is no man so simple to question it. They may as well deny the Sun, who was no sooner made, but he fell to tilling and cultivating the vast and most immense Fields of nature, for the whole Region of Bettyland holds of nature as her chief Sovereign and Empress, and the Sun as her sole Steward to gather her Quitrents, provide Tenants and let Livings; and therefore if you come to any Farmer in Bettyland, and ask him how he came to take such affection to the husbandry of that Country, he will make answer presently, 'tis natural to him: And for any Soil to bear that S●●d which is proper for it, that all the world knows to be natural. Now 〈…〉 the force of nature's Impulse, I shall say more when I come to the Religion of the Country; seeing than it is the Impulse of Nature that moves the Husbandmen of Bettyland to take upon them that Toil and Labour which they undergo night and day: should they be blamed for what they cannot avoid? for who can blame a Jack for turning the spit when the weight is on, or a wheel for turning round when a Dog walks in it? rather there aught a way to be found out for the Encouragement of these Moylers and Toylers; for though all men are prone to be drudges in Bettyland, yet the husbandry of the Country is quite out of order; there is no method at all observed amongst them, a most wonderful thing that in so vast a Country and so long continuance, there never yet was found any Region wherein the Husbandry of Bettyland was so exactly ordered, as in that small part of it as was once called 〈◊〉, for it is observed in that part of Bettyland, the Price of Farms ran always very low; the only way to restore the decay of Bettyland husbandry; therefore we ●ead of one very ●ich Farmer there, who bought a very fair Farm in that Country for thi●ty change of Raiments, and of another great Fa●mer that bought a Royal Farm in the same place, for one hundred fore●●●●●: a very inconsiderable price, considering what poor Farmers are forced to give now a-days. The Druids in the Island of Britannia a very large part of Bettyland, aimed at this very thing when they Entailed their Lands upon their Male-Mandrakes, had they Entailed their Substance in Money as well as in Land, they had hit the Mark: It is to be wondered that in a Country of so much freedom as Bettyland is, and Governed by constitutions so far different from other Countries, Landlords should be so egregiously led astray to give such vast Sums of Money to put off their Farms, though never so fruitful, never so flourishing: For the Muck of Po●tions though it be spread never so thick upon a Bettyland Farm, avails nothing to the fertility thereof, rather it is the greatest Inconvenience in the world to a Bettyland Farmer, for he understanding that there lies a Silver or a Gold Mine in such a Farm, or such an Hesperian Orchard is laden▪ with golden Apples, will have at them by hook or by 〈…〉 way to lay those She● Arguses asleep, and when all comes to all, neither Orchard nor Farm are agreeable to his mind, or sit for Tillage: nay many times the ground proves barre●, marshy, unwholesome, ran●, and mountainous; so that there is no profit nor 〈◊〉 in manuring or dressing it: whereas if th●se Allurements lay not before the Eyes of the Husbandman, he would choose the most delightful Prospects, the most fruitful soils: and the sub●stance of the Country being contracted into the hands of the husbandmen only, would make the Farmer's more able to maintain their husbandry: than you should hear none of those common complaints of Landlords, by ●eason of their Farms lying upon their hands; nay you should not see an indifferent Farm in all the Country of Bettyland lie waste and ruinous for want of Tillage: whereas now how many fair delicate fruitful soils lie fallow? how many beautiful Orchards lie undressed? because they either want Silver Mines, or are not laden with golden Apples: Another great discouragement to the Husbandry of Bettyland is this, that the extreme folly of the husbandmen themselves is not some way restrained; for they having obtained a rich Farm, dote upon it with so much vanity, that they spend more labour and cost upon one Farm, then would serve to maintain forty good Farms in full heart, so that divide a Farmer's whole substance in six pa●ts, he shall waste and consume five parts and an half upon one singl● Farm, which is a great cause of the general Impoverishment of th● Bettyland Husbandmen. Then comes a third, and as grievous a discouragement as any; for these Rich soils by reason of their Richness grow ●ank and proud, and the● the poor husbandman is so plagued with Weeds, Nettles, and wild-Ar●ichoaks, that none can imagine it, but they that feel the trouble: you shall see nothing but the gay Poppies that kill and burn up his profitable Harvest, and which is worst of all, the poor Farmer is left without Remedy. For in the Northern parts of Bettyland there is no help: pull them by the roots he cannot, they are got so deep in the Earth; let him take a weeding-hook in his hand, and the whole Country cries out upon him, and besides all this, Petronius— Lex armata sedes circum fera li— mina Nuptae.  
The Stream ●of the Law runs quite against the Farmers for the Law is so careful to prevent waist and destruction that it will not admit of gentle pruning, for fear some o● the more impatient so●t should thence take an occasion not only to injure, but confound their Farms.  
Having thus given you a description of the 〈◊〉, it m●y not be amiss to show you something of the nature of the Inhabitants. They are generally very Amorous, or rather universally given to Love; which according to the interpretation of some of the Sages, is as much as to say Libidinous: for the Temper of Mandrakes both Male and Female is for the most part both hot and moist, which are the Principles of Generation; which is the Principal foundation of all Love, that is to say, of that which is generally reputed to be Love, which by another name is called Desire, according to that of the Poet.  
Nil amor est aliud Veneris quam parca voluptas,  
Quae simul expleta est infinita ora Rubor.  
For you must know there is no true and real Love in the whole Country of Bettyland, and therefore there was never any Shepherd in Bettyland that loved a Shepherdess with that height and true Affection as Shepherds have loved Shepherds; never had husbandman so much kindness for the richest Farm, the most beautiful Prospect, the most fruitful and most agreeable Soil in Bettyland, as Damon had for Pythias, Theseus never had that Affection for Ariadne, as he had for Pirithous: nor shall the Story of Orpheus stand in my way, though he sued Pluto for a Farm that Persephon● had taken from him. For if Eurydice was his Soul, I cannot blame him that he followed the crowd of his brother Harpers to Hell when that was departed: but take him how you please, one Swallow makes no Summer, and the Reason is plain. For the Inhabitants of Bettyland love one another, not out of any true Affection, but for the hopes of Reward and self-Satisfaction: which Reward or Satisfaction decaying through Age or Infirmities, the great Love that was just now, cools in a moment like the 〈◊〉 of Venison: And therefore Bettyland. Love is but a hot degree and eager pursuit after pleasure, which increases sometimes to that height, that both Shepherds and Shepherdesses seem to be mad; which was the reason that when jupiter took away the fair Shepherdess, called Europa, out of Terrestrial Bettyland, the Poets ●eign'd him to be turned into a Bull, a beast most lascivious and impetuous in the 〈◊〉 of his Amours. No less did this fury appear formerly in the female Inhabitants of Bettyland, while Semiramis rages for the Embraces of her Son, and 〈◊〉 roars for the Pizzle of a Bull; and no question but the Temper of that little spot of Ground belonging to the Shepherdess Massalina, still continues wearied though not ●●tiated though it (quinto & vig●simo Concubitu) had been ploughed and harrowed twenty five times in a day and a night: Could the numberless number of consumed and wasted● Calf's of the poor husbandmen speak? Could you ●ut hea● the Ban and Cursing in Quevedo's Hell of untimely 〈◊〉, exhausted and drained with continual Labour; Could you but behold the many Sacrifices of Lust, the many Martyrdoms of female pastime? would but your reserved Nurses, Chambermaids, and Apothecaries but vouchsafe to open the Cabinets of their Breasts▪ how many regal Pasts, incarnating Electuaries, restoring Potions they give in a year; you would 〈◊〉 soon be acquainted with the Nature of Betty-land-Love, which is so far from being true Love, that it is only a continual practice of Surprise. The flames of Desire like a Candle discovering the ●●cret Paths and Labyrinths which the Shepherds and shepherdesses of all Sexes, Ages, Degrees, and Humours choose in pursuit of their Amorous Designs.  
Thus we find the Love of the Shepherds in Bettyland, to be more fierce, of the Shepherde●●●● to be more constant; how Youth loves wantonly, old Age 〈◊〉: They that are poor strive 〈◊〉 please by Officiousness & continual Duty, the Rich oblige by Gifts, the middle sort puts their Confidence in Invitations, Fish-Dinners, and S●ring-Garden-Collations; the Nobler sort of Arcadians in Masques and Interludes. In some parts o● Bettyland you shall find the ingenious Lover as full of dissimulation as an Egg full of meat, using a kind of elaborate Courtship; praising the Object of his Affection in high strains of Madrigals and Eclogues, and preferring her for the fairest in the World, when he thinks nothing less: if he grow jealous, he observes her as a Cat watcheth a Mouse, if he miss her, than he curses her to the pit of Hell: others impatient, mad, and restless in their Desires; bewail their Flames at the fe●t of their Goddess, and invoak her Pity; if he enjoys her, he either grows jealous of her, and kills her, or being thoroughly satiated, prostitutes her: but if he despair of Enjoyment, than no man more crucifies himself, no man seemingly desires to die with more willingness; as if his Peace were absolutely made in Heaven. The wanton Lover is all for obsequious Admiration, for Songs, Jests, and Tales; Jealousy makes him as melancholy as an old Cat, Despair hurries him to Revenge, to Scandal and Reproach, and many times to attempt Violence: Enjoyment makes him despise her easy fondness, and as much desire another. Others are a long time before they grow warm, but being once inflamed, they spare for no Cost: Jealousy makes him clutch his Fists, where he misses his Aim he returns Contempt: Enjoyment causes him to grow cold. Some pretend a world of Kindness, others dissemble and conceal their Flames to be more beloved than they are: and some can love without being jealous: some are for a jocund Humour, not regarding Beauty; others love a mild, others a Confident Behaviour. Some by spending their time altogether in the sport of Love; others though late, and when they have spent their whole Estates, come to their Senses again. With such variety of Passions does Bettyland-Love transport the Minds of her Inhabitants.  
The Shepherds and Shepherdesses are also very great Liars generally throughout the whole Territory of Bettyland, for they make no more of an Oath, a Vow, or a Protestation, than a Sussex ●umpkin does of a puddingcake in a morning for his Breakfast. They are used in the Sieges of Bettyland Love to blow up the fortresses of Chastity, like barrels of Powder in Mines: if the Female have the handling of them, you shall ●ee a foolish Husbandman's Guinneys fly in the Air like Opdam and his ships-Company.  
As for Matrimony, the true Natives of Bettyland neither Male nor Female do admire it; for the old Sages of the Country say, 
Vxorem— Rosa Cinamomum veretur,  
Quicquid quaeritur optimum videtur.   
And indeed the Fetters of Ceremony are utterly disagreeable to the frank humour of the Inhabitants of this Country, for they being a less sort of People, reject all Laws of Convenience, when they are repugnant to their own Appetites; and falsely mistaking the instinct of Nature, for the Law of Nature, as idly cry out, that the Law of Convenience must submit to the Law of Nature: taking the instinct or impulse of Nature, which is effrene and ranging, for the Law of Nature, which is kerbing and restraining; which makes use of Laws of Convenience, to put a Nil ultra to Exorbitance; but like Phleggus in Virgil preaching in Hell with his dis●● Iusti●iam moniti,— what does this grave Cosmographer do here talking to a company of hare-brained Madcaps? Epicures, with Gadb●●s in their Tails? who following the Examples of the greatest Husbandmen and Huswives in the world, as of Hannibal at Capua, Achilles and Briseis, Caesar and Cleopatra, Hercules & jole, Ladislaus of Poland, Charles the VIII. & thousands more, will be never induced to believe that so famous and so many Husbandmen could err, nor ever be persuaded to swerve from manifold Examples, epecially Magnis cum subeant animos autoribus.  
And therefore a great Author speaking of the chiefest Husbandmen in Bettyland, casts a Sardonish Smile upon all those that should endeavour to work a Reformation in that Country, accounting it as ridiculous a Labour, as for Quakers to attempt to Convert the Pope, for saith he— Tam levia habentur a Pudeos matrimonii jura, ut prae libito veras uxores repudiant, mutent atque permutent, filias filiasque tot Nuptiis copulant & recopulant, ut nescire rogamur ubi verum cohaereat illorum Matrimonium.  
However they want not a good Excuse, and say that where Nature is laced too straight with the Bodise of Convenience, she ought not to be put into ●its, for want of a little Liberty. And that many times occasion requires that the Law should be cut, rather than leisurely undone. That the strictness of the Law of Convenience begets a haughty Usurpation of the meaner Sex over their Superiors, which is more repugnant than any Convenience can be agreeable to the Law of Nature: That there is no better way for the husbandmen of Bettyland to curb that Usurpation, then to show their Usurpers how far they can expand their Favours. As for that thing called Equality, the Husbandmen of Betty land spurn it under their feet, and call him Boc●a de porco, that first made mention of it: for say they, if you weigh in a just Balance▪ the Majesty of Masculine Form, the Latitude of his Understanding, the Pre-eminence of his Original, the Power of his Actual Protection, with the Chiefest Perfections of the Female Sex; what will become of that hen-peckt Encomium of Equality? They add farther, That Agrippa for his Treatise de praecellentia foeminei sexus ought to have made as public a Recantation, as he does for his Books of Occult Philosophy. If their Admirers object the incomparable Fabricature of that particular part where human Offspring is concerned, 'tis no more than if you should admire that most curious piece of Nature's workmanship, the head of a Fly, which is all the while but the head of a Fly.  
Thus you see Opinions were always at war one with another, and it is only the Clue of understanding, that must lead you through the vast Labyrinths of national Customs. The native Shepherdesses of Bettyland desire vehemently, Love but indifferently and very unconstantly: yet whether they Love, or whether they hate, they will dissemble with the most politic Shepherd that ever was known in all Arcadia. But where they do Love out of Affection (which is very seldom) they will venture through fire and water: I have known, said Eumolphus, when a Shepherd has been cast into Prison for a Crime that deserved Death; his Partner Shepherdess has worked his Escape, and been condemned in his stead, as the Law in some part of Bettyland requires. Their Tongues are the most certain Evidence of perpetual motion, if a thing may be said to move that never lies still: and the subjects of their Discourse, the highest Secrets in nature. Such are the Mysteries of combing and shading Hair, of Washeses for their Faces, large Comments upon new Gowns; Censures upon one another's Dressing and Behaviour: Punctilios of Ceremonies when to give the Lip, when the Cheek, descants upon the warmth or coldness of their Shepherd's Affections: when they grow old, then they'll spend their time in telling how handsome they were when they were young. How many Amintases courted them, and how many poor Shepherds broke their Hearts for them: but if a Shepherd displease them, they will sing him such Cromatique descant, will make his Ears tingle; they will ring him such peals that he had better sit in a Steeple with the noise of six Bells about his Ears: but on the other side, they are very good natured, for if you do but now and then, that is, once in a month▪ or so give them a fine Gown, a rich Petticoat, a rich Looking-Glass, a rich set of Chairs, or any such Bauble▪ you shall win their very Hearts: give them but a Necklace of Pearl, and look how many Pearls there be upon the string, they shall give you so many kisses for them; which is a great sign of a tender Disposition. They have an excellent Art of making of Horns, at which they are very industrious, so that many of them get very good Livings by it; And as for Astrology, there's none of your Booker's, or Lilies could ever come near them; for they'll tell a Shepherd his fortune to ● hairs breadth: to which purpose they will lie an hour together sometimes upon their backs, considering the motions of the Stars. Many of your Bettyland Shepherdesses are deeply Learned, for having nothing else to do as they sit upon the Plains, they are always reading Cassandra, Ibrahim Bassa, Grand Cyrus, Amadis de Gaul, Hero and Leander, the School of Venu●, and the rest of these classic Authors; by which they are mightily improved both in Practice and Discourse. Put them to their shifts and they are the be●t in the world at an Intrigue or stratagem. Ah! says the poor Soldier in Petronius that had neglected his Duty, to comfort a poor Shepherdess that had been bewailing the death of her dear Melibeus for three weeks together: Here while I have been spending my time to comfort thee the most distressed Shepherdess in the world, they have stole the Criminal from the Cross whom I was set to watch, and now must I be Crucified for him: But she relieved him presently. Rather than so, quoth she with tears in her Eyes, here take my poor beloved Shepherd and hang him up in the others place, death makes no distinction of faces. No less witty was the Shepherdess in Boccace, who loving a Shepherd, yet knowing not how to let him understand it, went to one of the Priests of Pan, telling him it was his Duty to rebuke such Shepherds as should attempt the Chastity of any Shepherdesses in Arcadia, Look here, quoth she, such a Shepherd sent me this Purse of Gold, but I defy him and his Gold; call him Father and school him severely. The poor Priest did so, the cunning Shepherd smeling the Rat smiled to himself, but outwardly promised to desist, when the Shepherdess next day comes again and tells the Payest, She wondered he would be so neglectful in his Duty: Why, quoth the Priest, I called him, chid him, and he promised never more to Molest your quiet. Alas, quoth she, but the last night, he got in o'er the Garden, climbs a Fig Tree that grows under my Window, and had got into my Chamber had I not happily espied him and shut the Casement. The Shepherd was called again, rebuked and chid, but you may easily guests at the end of his sorrow: but you must not think I have a Lords Estate to buy paper enough to set down all the Stratagems, Devices and Wiles of the Shepherdess' in Bettyland: And therefore you must apply yourself to the Learning of that Country, and when you have read nothing else for 5 years together, then if demanded you may perhaps be able to give an Account thereof.  
The young Shepherdesses of Bettyland are very studious in Network, Vulcan's Net was a piece of Botchery to their Art▪ They are made of Glances, Smiles, and the curling Hair of their own Locks so delicately twisted together, that all the Skill of Ar●ch●e cannot compare with them: Of these Net-makers the Farmer Homer makes mention in his Book of Bettyland Agriculture called the Iliads.  

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.   

Then from her Breast her Mantle she unloosed,  
And from her Bosom Charming Arts diffused:  
Alluring Glances, Mirth deluding Smiles,  
And flattering Speech that Wisdom oft beguiles.   
The first Net-makers in the world were Venus among the Gods, and Pandora upon Earth, who though they were no Nuns▪ yet their workmanship for Curiosity and Fineness was far beyond any thing that ever was made in any Nunnery through the whole Empire of Bettyland. That Box of hers had such a confounded company of Trinkets in it, that the wo●ld had better have wanted fire, and never tasted Roast-meat, then to be so punished as it has been, for Prometheus stealing only a few lighted Charcoal out of Jove's Kitchen (shame for his weak stomach that could not eat raw Victuals.) For the poor Farmers in Bettyland have rued the price of hot Ca●dles ever since. But there are a sort of elderly Shepherdess●s in this Country, which in the Spanish part of Bettyland are called Maquerela's, that with a force irresistible carry all before them. Their proceedings are Militant, for they Besiege, Assault, Batter, Mine, and Countermine, and as if Victory were Entailed upon them, they never fail of Success: Insomuch that their continual Conquests gave occasion to the Husbandmen of Greek Bettyland to affirm that Cupid had robbed all the Gods of their Arms.  

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉▪  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.   

Behold poor Gods how they unarmed stand!  
Spoiled of their Arms by Love of Bettyland:  
Phoebus his Quiver, Jove his Thunder misses;  
His Corslet Mars and Helmet pawns for Kisses;  
Jove's Son lays down his Club for Nanny-Cock,  
And Neptune's Trident yields to Holland Smock:  
Bacchus will give his Thyrsis for a Slut,  
And Hermes Heels a Wench his wings shall Cut;  
The chaste Diana will not go a Hunting  
At th' hour appointed when to meet her Bunting:  
If thus the Gods to Cupid yield their Arms,  
How can weak Mortals think ye scape his Charms?   
The most Renowned of these Elderly Shepherdesses was Cleped Hecate, who after the Mode of later times (for Fashions like the Spheres have their Circular Motions) had always a kennel of lap-Dogs at her Tail— 
— 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
— And a● her Table fed,  
A Cry of yelping Shocks eat poor folks bread.  Such is the Efficacy of their Charms, so much Courage in one of their Possess, so much warmth in one of their Jellies; such the force of their Persuasion, that had Ulysses met with one of these Bettyland Shepherdesses of the right stamp, his poor Shepherdess Penelope might have spun more sheets in Expectation of him, than ever she was like to make use of. Thus therefore that subtle Man Ovid describes them, 

Nec mora miseri tosti jubet hordea Grani,  
Mellaque vinique meri cum lacte coagulo passo;  
Quique sub hac lateant furtim dulcedine succos  
Adjicit, accipimus sacra data Pocula dextra.   

Without delay so many Grains of Pearl,  
With Rubies mixed she straight presents the Girl;  
She showers sweet Honey and the strongest Wine,  
Words may prevail, but if she drinks she's thine.  
Lady's must drink no Wine, no Wine cry they;  
Yet Lady's sure may drink a draught of Whey.  
Has Whey such force? no, something she steals in,  
For soon as drank it tickles all the Skin.    
They appear in all Colours like Cameleons, in all shapes like she- Proteus'; not that you are to think that these are of that sort of Shepherdesses, which the Husbandman Homer calls Siren's, but of a far more quaint and curious Ingenuity: for those Sirens seem 〈◊〉 be a poor kind of Shepherdesses, like those that were wont to haunt the Plains of Lutiners-Lane and Coal- Yard, by their ordinary language and impudent beckoning to Ulysses as he passed by their doors, who can otherwise expound the place?  

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. etc.   

Here, Chuck Ulysses, here come in and see;  
What Pots of jet, what nut-brown Ale have we:  
For never Mariner returned on shore,  
But he came here to look him out a Whore.  
Come in then joy, and spend thy Pot with us,  
We'll sometimes sing a Song, and sometimes buss.   
As these words were translated, in comes Eumolpus, views them, and swears there could be no other Interpretation of the words. To make it out, I will give you a description of these Sirens and their Habitations, which exceed the number of all others in Bettyland, by the progress and experience of my own Travels: when I was ve●y young, quoth Eumolpus, I fell into the acquaintance of Eucolpius, and Trimaley, Husbandmen of la●ge Experience, and who had been great Travellers in the Country of Bettyland, g●owing familiar as one that had received— Istum telis Veneris.  
It was not long ere I discovered to them the great desire I had to know the Country of Bettyland, of which I had heard and read so much. They asked me what substance my friends had left me to bear Expenses, for the Journey would be tedious and chargeable. I bid them take no care for that, for I had Lands to ●ell, and as long as that lasted there would be no want; telling them withal, that Knowledge is better than fine Gold. Then, replied Eucolpius, the place where we now are, is one of the most remarkable Cities in all Bettyland, and therefore dear Eumolpus, rest thyself assured of the best Assistance I can befriend thee with: so in the depth of the Winter-quarter within an hour after daylight shut in we set forward. To remember the several byways and turnings through which we went, it is as impossible as for a man to remember things done before he was born, at length we came to a good large Habitation, which seemed like an enchanted Castle: for though we understood that there were many of the Inhabitants of Bettyland in the house, yet there was as a deep silence as in a Temple. We were no sooner entered (for the doors of these houses are seldom shut, as being haunted with a continual sort of Strangers) but there appeared to us a young Siren, which put us in mind of that Verse in Ovid, Monstra maris Syrenes erant. The Sirens were strange Monsters bred out of the froth of the Sea, or rather Monste●s of the Sea, 
Seeing that there are none of all  
That walk on Land which they can Father call.   
She was as black as a Lobster before 'tis boiled, and instead of hands had much such kind of Claws, and her head looked like a Gorgon's Periwig with Snakes, she looked as if she had been eaten and spewed up again, or as if she had been one of those upon whom the Venifices of Bettyland were wont to try their Potions; and yet she had the confidence to invite us to drink of her Cups. Eumolpus did not much mind her Courtesy, but asked Eucolpius whether that were not the Cumaean Witch that accompanied Aeneas through Hell: How, replied Eucolpius, does she look old enough to be a Sibyl? yet there are some of the poor labouring Mechanic Inhabitants of Bettyland, will be glad of ● worse than that Siren. With that calling her by her name, Quartilla, said he, where is Thelxinoe? for so was the old Siren called. She knew his Voice, and strait appears the Great— Bellua Leinae— Horrendum stridens.  
A ruinous piece of Antiquity with a Voice as hoarse as if her throat had been lined with Seal Skins: she had as much flesh below her Chin, as would have served to have made another Face: she was puffed up like a shoulder of Veal blown up with a Tobacco-Pipe, yet was her Language as soft as Lambs-Wool to Eucolpius, who enquired of her, where such and such Sirens were, and how they did: shall I send for such a one, quoth she? do, cries Eucolpius, Fly, than cried Thelxinoe, to the deformed Siren that first admitted us, and bid Sylvagia appear, hast her hither. All this while, said Eumolpus, we were in the common-Room, which put him in mind of that description of the Sirens habitation in Virgil, 
jamque adeo scopulos Syrenum advecta subibat,  
Difficiles quondam multorumque o●ssibus albos.  
Most dangerous Rocks which mortals never balk,  
Till all the walls grow white with score and Chalk.   
But when the little Siren, said he (continuing his relation) was gone forth, Thelxinoe carried us into her own Apartment, a place not very illustriously accoutred, nor yet over meanly set forth. There hung against the wall a good fair Looking-Glass, and in the window were to be seen two dirty Combs▪ the most peculiar Utensils belonging to a Siren. The Bed (which was the best thing in the Room, as being a piece of Furniture of which they make the greatest use in Bettyland,) lay as if it had b●●n but lately tumbled, which Eucolpius perceiving, quoth he, smiling upon Thelxinoe, who was here last? There, quoth she, who dost think, but my Ulysseses and I? your Ulysses quoth he, who's that? for Eucolpius knew that she had had no Husbandman to manure her ground for many years together, only day-Labourers that wrought at so much an hour. But she to stop Eucolpius' mouth, in a great rage demanded of him what sort of Liquor he would have, and immediately fetched in half a dozen Bottles of Stepony, a most bewitching Juice, which as soon as the Bottles were loose, flew up with so much violence against the Ceiling, as if they had bid defiance to the Clouds, such a shower of spirited water reigned upward against the course of nature: so that a whole Bottle scarce yielded enough to wet the bottom of a Glass, yet would the Siren not ba●e a farthing of her price, which was a round shilling for every Bottle. After that she brought in six more Bottles, which behaved themselves after the same rude manner▪ Eucolpius who well knew the Effects of the Sirens Charms, called for the tamer Juice of Barley, over which, said Eucolpius, after we had continued till it was very late, enchanted with the pleasant Discourses of the Sirens, on a sudden we heard a great noise in the room over head as if the Sky had been falling. Two Shepherds of Bettyland belike had been there for several hours together, with each two Sirens in the●● Company, where they had drank so long of the Sirens bewitching Liquor, that they were even almost 〈◊〉 into swine. Then, said Eumolpius, I began to call to mind those other Lines of Virgil.  
Hinc exaudiri Gemitus iraque leonum,  
Vinola recusantum, at sera sub nocte rudentum,  
Setegerique sues atque in presepibus ursi  
Se vice—  
Then shrieks of Bum-kickt jades were loudly heard,  
And late at night the damning Hector's roar,  
To see the Constables with Chains prepared,  
Now worse than Swine that were but Beasts before.  
For like to this, cried Eucolpius, was the noise which we heard above stairs: the Sirens squeaked and cried out murder, and help, and help, and murder. The Shepherds ranted and tore, seeing that they had lost their Money, and that the Sirens had bewitched it out of their Pockets. In this hurly burly ●p runs Thelxinoe with all her Spells, when we, said Eumolpus, seeing so fair an opportunity, and considering the charge of our stay, took an occasion to march out of doors, and quit ourselves of our extravagant Expense: but Eumolpus whose blood was up, not being willing to give over the Chase of what he 〈◊〉 out with so much eagerness to hunt for, desired Eucolpius to bear him Company, in the search of some other Adventure. It was now late, cold and a hard Frost, but these hardships were easily over come by the brightness of Cynthia's Beams, that made the night almost as clear as day. Being thus therefore got safe from Thelxinoe's Habitation, Eucolpius thought it convenient to steer his Course a quite contrary way: nor had we gone far, when in the midst of the street cried Eucolpius, look yonder, where that Silvadgia whom we sent for so long since comes now to m●et us: have at her by guess, quoth Eumolpus, and so accosting her, Whither so fast, quoth he, fair Nymph? there needed not many Compliments, Eumolpus takes her by one Hand, and Eucolpius by the other, and so said Eumolpus, we marched hand in hand in a full rank for a while uninterrupted. But Oh the fickle state of fortune sbeing come to the corner of one street, who should pop upon us undiscovered from the corner of the next turning, but one of the Princes of that night with all his Bilboes? It was time to let go the hold of prohibited goods, so near a strict Examination. Silvadgia that like a Mouse knew every hole and cranny thereabouts, so suddenly got out of sight, that she seemed rather to vanish than fly, but said Eumolpus, Eucolpius and I were forced to stand the brunt. The Nocturnal Prince had he been Pluto himself, could not have pretended more Majesty 
— Plurima mento  
Canitieses inculta jacent, stant lumina flamma,  
Sordidus ex humeris nodo dependet Amiclus.  
Like Bristles of a Hog his grisled Beard,  
O'reran his face with roapy-Ale besmeared:  
Full grim he looked and for a farther note,  
About his shoulders an old rusty Coat.  We finding ourselves in the clutches of such a Cerberus, who was still threatening ●o show us the full Extent of his Power▪ and to send us to the house of Radamanthus, of which houses there are many in Bettyland, or else there would be no living.  
Gnosius hic Radamanthus habet durissima regna,  
Castigatque, audetque, dolet, subigitque fateri,  
Quae quis apud superos furta letatus inani,  
Distulit in seram commissa pericula mortem.  
Here City Marshal shows his cruel Power  
On piteous Vagabands and wanting Whore,  
For bellies-Crime, and what the pocket lacks,  
His bloody whipcord claws their Crimson backs:  
He scourges first, examines next, for Law  
They none deserve whom Law could never awe:  
And hearing various Crimes at last confessed,  
Becomes himself the subtler Knave at last.  
Upon these Considerations it was thought fit to use gentle means and Sugar-Sops, for Eumolpus had learned that there was nothing so frequently used as sweet Wine in the Sacrifices accustomed to the Furies, according to that of Callimachus.  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  
All hours they loiter safe; and never fail,  
Who Watchmen twelve pence give to buy sweet Ale.  
By the practice of which Instruction, said Eumolpus, we that were just going to the Pound▪ were at the intercession of those dulcified Sons of Horror (one of whom swore to the deep pit of Darkness that he knew Eucolpius, and knew him to be a very Civil Gentleman, when though he had never seen him in his life) with an Extortion of much Acknowledgement for so great a favour, let at liberty. This storm was no sooner over, but the hazard was forgot, and a new Ramble concluded on; at length under the Conduct of Eucolpius we came both into a by-Street, but there was such a general silence in the Habitations of the Sirens, as if all the lower world had been listening after news in the upper. O quoth Eucolpius! the Inhabitants of these parts are as laborious Husbandmen as any be in Bettyland: They work day and night, and therefore no wonder they sleep so fast now they are at it. At length coming to a certain Habitation, where the staple of the door was not driven close to the wall, Eumolpus made a shift to get in his hand and put back the Lock, we were no sooner entered and began to extol the kindness of Fortune, but the very same way-Wood of the night that had prosecuted us before, followed us close at the heels, and seeing us lawful prize, began to give order for a second seizure: But Eucolpius knowing the danger of a second Attachment, bidding Eumolpus follow his example with his Sword in his hand, being well seconded by Eumolpus, soon forced a way through the slender Opposition of those decrepit Mirmydons, and being got without the reach of their rusty Weapons they never slackened their paces, which was a good swift Career, till they were got out of the Dominions of that nocturnal Bugbear. By and by making a halt to take both breath and advise together, now, said Eucolpius, let us return to the sam● place from whence we last came: for this Lord of Misrule having now gone his Rounds, ●nd made his visits of Enquiry, will be sure to come no more there. For a right bred Siren has a way of Charming these Officers of Justice and keeping them from wandering at all hours, and to say truth, there are few of these nocturnal Cerberus' that will bark at a Sirens Habitation, unless he be very hungry indeed, and have not been fed for a great while. With this Resolution, said Eumolpus, we tacked about, and skirting through a little spot of Bettyland called Lincoln's- Inn-fields, we observed almost at every Gate of those wealthy husbandmen's Habitations, a poor labouring man, and a servant Shepherdess talking together. They were generally very serious and private in their Discourse, though it were now near two of the Clock in the morning, but by what we overheard, Bettyland- Love was the main thing they drove at, for sometimes we could hear the Shepherdess cry Sunday in the afternoon; by and by the poor labourer protested the reality of his Affection: another was telling a long story of the Transactions in that habitation; another was complaining that her Farm had been Tilled and Manured; that Harvest was at hand, and therefore desired the poor labourer to take some care where to inn the Crop. And another was delivering to her friends Candles, cold Meat, and other bundles of stuff, which she had purloined and made up, in as little room as might be; bidding her friend be sure to return by such a night again: certainly, said Eumolpus to Eucolpius, these husbandmen live here in very great security, that they let their Gates stand open in such a desert place as this: O replied Eucolpius! these Husbandmen though they be rich, yet they have so many thiefs within doors, that they never fear those without: for they within doors will preserve their Master's substance from those without, that it may fall into their own hands. Having observed these passages we joged on, meeting none upon the Road, but now and then one, now and then a couple of rude labouring fellows with stout Cudgels in their hands, looking as if they would eat us. These were the very dregs of all Betty-land ●hat take the greatest pains, and run through the greatest hazards in the world to maintain themselves in Idleness. Coming to the Sirens Habitation we unlocked the Gate as we had done before, and then barring it again, went directly into a Room where there was a small fire, but no other light, nor any sound of any thing living in all the Habitation: down sat Eucolpius, down sat Eumolpus, right against the door of the room expecting what would happen, when on a sudden we heard 3 or 4 Sirens laughing and toying together to make toward the backdoor of the Habitation. The foremost poping into the Room, and seeing the glittering of Eumolpus' Coat (which was richly laced) by the re●lection of the fire, flew back again ready to break her Neck, crying out, the Devil, the Devil, but Eumolpus compassionately following her, and gently bespeaking her soon rid her of fears, leading her by the hand into the room, whom the rest of the Sirens followed. We called for more fire and Lamps that we might see one another, and after that for such Liquors as the Habitation would afford: As for the Sirens themselves, they were not the most Amiable that ever were seen, which made us mind our Liquor rather than any other of their Temptations. Their Voices were none of the sweetest, yet for a forced put they might have served, had we not been kept waking by another Accident. For in the height of our mirth in comes an ordinary Bettyland Farmer, who by his Familiarity seemed to claim a kind of propriety in the whole Habitation: we saw he would be one of the Company, and therefore we invited him. He had taken a large dose of the Sirens Charms, which made his Tongue as nimble as a new oiled Jack: Between Eucolpius and him past many Discourses, among the rest, there was one Question stated by the Farmer, Whether if one Farmer should rob another, it were better to bind him, or kill him to prevent discovery? Heaven protect us! cried Eumolpus to himself, if this be the Country of Bettyland, surely, quoth he, the people thereof are mere Savages, however the Argument went on. Eucolpius who when he began to be intoxicated with the Siren's Liquor was very devout, being for Mercy, the Farmer all for Murder, this made Eumolpus stand upon his Guard and to have a vigilant Eye upon the Sirens, and to hasten the complete Charming of the Farmer, which was at length so effectually performed by Eucolpius and Eumolpus together, that he fell into a profound sleep: in which condition after he had lain a while, he was at length roused by the Sirens and hurried to his Sty like a Swine: After his departure the Sirens vanished, and Eumolpus and Eucolpius remained alone, who early in the morning leaving the Gates of the Habitation open, and the Sirens fast asleep, went their ways to seek out more secure ●efreshments. Thus you see the meaner sort of the Inhabitants of Bettyland, are a very wicked sort of people, being no great admirers of Law or Government: for all Pleasure is expensive, and they wanting the support of Extravagance, will oftentimes in their necessity take it by violence from one another, sometimes in the street, sometimes in the highway; nay, sometimes they will enter one another's Castles by main force, and rifle, and what they get they spend all upon their Sirens with whom they live in a kind of Community. I remember, said Eucolpius, a Husbandman in Bettyland that had his Castle entered, and much of his substance taken away; who thereupon resolving to go in pursuit of the Labourer that had so spoiled him ●f his goods, sent for me to assist him: we for our better security took with us one of the great Rulers of the night, and with him a certain day-Labourer, who pretends to know all the habitations of the Sirens. The more to be wondered at, as being in one of the greatest Cities in all Bettyland, and thus accompanied we began our progress one night in the most dead time of all; I dare say, said Eucolpius, we entered above a hundred several Habitations of a hundred several Sirens, taking a view of every room in every one of them, where it was not a little pleasant to see what feat kind of Enormities night conceals. We found the Husbandmen and the Sirens generally in bed and asleep together, for the hardness of their Labour made them sleep without Opiates: In some Beds 3 Sirens and one Husbandman, in another place 3 Husbandmen and one Siren; at another Habitation one Husbandman and 2 Sirens, in another 2 Husbandmen and one Siren, in another two Husbandmen and two Sirens all together: in another 3 Sirens and two Husbandmen, in another 3 Husbandmen and two Sirens. Eucolpius that had never seen so strange a mixture of Familiarity before, began to doubt whether this were not some Art of Solon's Commonwealth, for, said he, there was as much Athenian Liberty as ever that great Lawgiver could possibly allow. The day-Labourer who was with us, whether he knew them all or no, I cannot tell, said Eucolpius, but he pretended to do so, and pulling aside the head-Geer of one, and the hair of another: quoth he, this is Dol such a one, and this is Kate such a one, and this is Nan such a one: as if he had been showing us the Tombs at Westminster with a white staff in his hand. And I believe had the night been a week lo●g, we had had variety of these Objects. Eucolpius when he came home told Eumolpus of his Adventure, who lamented nothing more than his misfortune of missing Eucolpius' Company; that night however it made him restless for new discoveries, which they resolved to prosecute the night following. The Sun had now withdrawn himself and it was within an hour of night when Eucolpius and I, said Eumolpus, entering into one of the Gaming-Houses of the Sirens, went up into a private Apartment, calling to the chief Siren to bring us a Bowl of her most charming Liquor; she that brought it was no sooner sat down by us, but she began to talk of these Persons who were the Chiefest Husbandmen in Bettyland in their time, at so familiar rate that we wondered how she came by so great an Acquaintance among the Nobler sort of Husbandmen, being such an ordinary Siren her self: for she can divison upon their Descents and Pedigrees, as if she had been bred in the College of Heralds. While we were thus taken up with Enchantments of her Discourse, a strange lumbring noise invaded our Ears f●om the stairs which led into our Apartment: The Siren when she heard it, flew out of the Room with the swiftness of a shooting-Star, clapping the door fast after her: But we, said Eumolpus, big with Curiosity had a longing desire to know the reason of so much Clutter. By and by, peeping through the door, we perceived an old Farmer of Bettyland coming up upon four Legs two Natural and two Artificial (a pair of wooden Crutches) with which he did so knock and bepestle the Board's, that a Horse with 4 Iron shoes would have been thought to have walked upon Velvet after him, so weak and so decrepit, so old, so worn out with the Labour of ●hat Country, that no greater pain could be imagined, than the pain which he seemed to endure in his Engine-like● motion: with much ado at length he got to the inside of a Table, and sat him down with his back against the Wainscot, opposite to the Chimney: Surely, said Eumolpus, were the seven Wise Men of Greece now alive, it would puzzle their Understanding to know the strange and hidden de●ire of this old Farmer. I warrant, quoth Eucolpius, this old Farmer had been an industrious workman in his time, and now to see a fertile spot of ground, to behold a pleasing Prospect, is as delightful to him as the Tillage itself was formerly. Age unfit for Action will delight itself in the Memory of what in Youth it has performed, whether we were addicted to Acts of Honesty or of Villainy, Repetition soothes the Fancy, and dandles it with the remembrance of what a drooping performer has done: so settling to our peeping Crannies, we observed a young Siren come into the Room with two sable Pots of Enchanting Liquor in her hands, which she set down before him. The old Farmer drank not so lamely as he went, but freely; and made the Siren quaff her own Liquor as freely as himself: she had a Brow as black as a new Beaver, and her Cheeks were as ruddy as the Vermilion● Edges of a new Book. In a short while betaking herself to the Chimney, she stood bolt upright, and having the Signal given, (as they draw the Curtain up from before the Scenes of a Theatre) she drew the Curtain gently up that was before it, and showed the Prospect of a very fair Garden-plot of Maidenhair, not green as in other Countries, but growing like a kind of black Fern, or rather a spot of Ground looking like a sieve of black Cherries, ●overed over with the tops of russet Fennel. The Fields about were embroidered over with white Daisies and yellow Pissabeds: but the old Farmer who neither cared for Innocency, and had been sufficiently plagued with Jealousy, and consequently could endure neither of those Colours, caused her to d●ub her hands with the Soot of the Chimney, to dissigure the whole prospect of those more pleasant Colours, not permitting her to leave any thing but what was black within the Horizon of his View. Then he pleased his aged Eyes with beholding the whole, commending what he thought fit to be commended, and reading a Lecture of Bettyland Husbandry, over every part, till satiated with the Prospect and his Discourse, the Curtain again was let down, and the Siren sent away for more Enchanting Liquor to requite her kindness▪ certainly, said Eumolpus, the Fancy of this Farmer was the most Extravagant that was ever known. There is some Reason for it, said Eucolpius, for Bettyland Love as it entered first into the Eye, so at last goes out of the Eye. The Eye is the Chariot wherein the Fancy Rides, surveying past contents, and if that be strong and juvenile, it will employ the Body in something of its former concerns, how impotent, how unwieldly soever: for Reason, you must know, is not at all permitted to be so much as named in Bettyland, where it is Death to make use of it: And where the Husbandmen and Huswives are guided only by Passion, and follow only the persuasions of Appetite.  
Again, as there is no Reason, so there is no Wisdom in Bettyland: they seldom hear of it from one end of the Country to the other● or if they chance to hear the least sound of it, they count it as fatal as the Romans did to hear▪ the Ravens croak upon the left hand: like the young People of Bettyland, that when the Bells ring to the Temple, run to the Sirens Habitations at Islington, believing that the Bells are hung in the City to ring them into the Country. Should this Farmer have been so impotent again, he would not have been a Rush the wiser, and therefore 'tis no wonder his predominating Superiors direct and govern him as they please themselves. Eucolpius having thus said, Eumolpus and he took their way towards a small part of Bettyland, near the Temple of St. Buttolphs-Aldgate, where upon the first call, he was let into a f●ir Habitation belonging to one of those Elderly Sirens called Maquerelas. The Apartments were fair and well adorned, through one of which, as we passed, said Eumolpus, we saw a Table spread and furnished as if it had been for the Supper of Trimalcio in Petronius: being come into our own Retirement, we asked the Siren, what Ulysses was to be Entertained there that night? she answered with a Smile, but told Eucolpius more familiarly, that we should have a sight of the pastime in due season, ●eeing there was none but himself and one whom she saw to be his peculiar Friend; though with a most solemn Proviso of Secrecy enjoined. In the mean time, we called for a Siren or two, which were immediately called up, Charming enough; we had no sooner drank a Cup or two of the Sirens Liquours, but one of them began to fall into the rehearsal of her Misfortunes, that she was the Daughter of one of the Priests of Pan (for the most common Huswives of Betty-land ●eign themselves to be either the Daughters, Sisters, or Huswives of the Priests of Pan, thereby to gain the greater pity of their Sufferings:) that she had been driven out of doors by the Shepherd, whom of all others in the Country she loved most entirely. The other cursed a noble Husbandman of Bettyland, for being untrue to her; or else— for a deep Sigh sti●led the rest, but both of them concluded in, What would you give them? That they were no common Sirens, but seeing us Civil Shepherds, if we pleased to come to their Habitations, we should not find them to be Mercenary. But offe● offer to lay your Lips to theirs, they were presently according to the Fashion of the Country, begging either for Scarves, or Gloves, though at the same time they bragged of Wardrobes richer than those of Lucullus: We that believed not a word they said, easily condoled with them, and promised Mountains; for there is nothing more practicable in Bettyland than lying and dissembling, Two gifts that a Husbandman of that Country can no more be without, than without his Blow. In fine, these two Sirens were forced to leave us, being called away by the Siren Government, for it appeared that the Shepherd was entered, at whose Devotion the Habitation and all within it were, being at all the Expense for his peculiar Fancy; by and by, the Alarm of an uncouth noise, called us to our peeping-holes of Observation; from whence we discovered in the great corner Room, where we saw the Table spread as we first came along, a very fair Collation of Costly Viands, the most part Fowl. About the Table sat some half a dozen Brisk Sirens, sitting almost as they were pictured (saving that they had other Instruments to use than Combs and Looking-Glasses) for their lower parts were hid by the Table, as they had been under water; but from the Wast upward, they were to be seen quite naked, as in vulgar Signs. All this while we miss the Shepherd, and wondered he should neglect the sight of such fair Prospects as these were, but by and by we discovered him by the noise he made under the Table upon all four, picking up the Bones which the Sirens threw down, yelping and snarling like an Iceland Cur, and biting at the Legs and Shins of that Siren which threw him down his desired Food. This violent humour continued all along the time of Supper, said Eumolpus, to his Astonishment, which made him think the Mysteries of Isis to be a Bauble, and the carrying Bettyland Ploughs in public Procession upon sticks by the Female Bacchides, to be a May-Game: and yet they appeared to be altogether, but a kind of family Bettyland- Love, (and there are few Families without a Cur) for there was no more harm done, but after Supper every Siren seemed to vanish as they pleased themselves: Look ye, said Eucolpius, now you have beheld something more strange than what you saw before. Certainly, said Eumolpus, the Gods that only smiled to see Mars and Venus so entangled as they did, would have laughed themselves out of their Immortality, to have seen this Extravagant Divertisement. Think you, said Eucolpius, this Shepherd can give any Reason for this? Surely no other, replied Eumolpus, than that of the Poet: 

Quid non constricta spectatis front Cutanes,  
Damnatisque novae simplicitatis opus?  
Ipse pater veri doctus Epicurus in Art  
jussit, & hanc vitam dixit habere tales.   

What ail ye, froward Cynics, thus to stare,  
Condemning what I act, because 'tis rare:  
Wise Epicure thus taught, lose no Delight,  
For time has heels and nimbly takes his Flight:  
Dear Life whose shoes are made of running Leather,  
Shall I not use thee? wherefore came I hither?    
From thence at a later hour, said Eumolpus, we passed to see the Public Academies and Shools of the Country, where we found them altogether for just, and Tournaments, and Running of the Ring: but in this particular, as captious one among another, as Church-Wardens-Wives; for it not being the Custom of the Country, for Shepherds to Just one with another, but only Shepherds with Shepherdesses, and Shepherdess's with Shepherds: the Shepherds will never Just unless the Shepherdesses will provide Rings, nor the Shepherdesses can ever be brought to run atilt, unless the Shepherds provide Lances. However if the Parties stand upon it, there seldom happens any great Quarrel about that Punctilio. These Academies stand open all night long, and there are some so accustomed to these Exercises, that they will hit the Ma●k as well by night as by day. They had in these Academies other sorts of Games, at which they played long, as In and In, and All Fours, but one thing we never perceived before, that when they went to play at Ruff, they put out all the Honours.  
The Noble sort of Sirens are of a Disposition very various f●om these, for they being better stocked with Wealth, carry on higher Designs, which they will bring about what ever it cost them, or perish in the Enterprise: They are very subtle, and not only make use of all sorts of Deceits and Stratagems already discovered, but add daily of their own. They are very much addicted to Enchantments, and very skilful in making Amorous Medicaments. They that would understand the Nature of these Shepherdesses, may read the Stories of Messalina, whom there was none that exceeded in all the Country of Bettyland; of Lunia and Lucilla, who both Enchanted their own Shepherds to death▪ for the desire of others whom they loved better: Semiramis out of a desire of Empire, and for the Love of her own Son, caused her Husbandman to be slain: How dear the mistake of Guc●ovir (when her Husband tickled her in the Neck with his Riding-Rod) cost the poor King for his accidental Discovery, is not unknown to them that have been conversant in the Saxon parts of Bettyland. The Cruelty of jone of Naples, the cunning Stratagems of Don Olympia, and the Intrigues of Don Christiana, are still fresh in Memory. Nor had the Druyd Reynall found such copious matter to compile his Book of Celestial Revenge, had it not been for the Effects of Betty-land-Love. The Nature of which is so strange, that it shall in the view of the same Horizon on this side the Hedge shower down nothing but Malice, Hatred, and dismal Contrivances: while on the other side the Hedge, at the same time you shall perceive nothing but the Sunshine of Sweetness and Caresses.  
The Country of Bettyland has had formerly good Benefactors, who did very much add to the Glory and Increase of its Fame. The first of those was Solon, the great Athenian Lawgiver, and by the Oracle of Apollo accounted one of the Seven Wisemen of Greece, who was the first that made it his public Care to provide Sirens for the Shepherds of that Country. The first that dedicated a Temple to Venus, the Universal Goddess of Bettyland out of the Games of prostituted Sirens, and so great an Esteem the Grecian part of Bettyland had for those Sirens, that when Xerxes invaded Greece, the Corinthian being the most polite of all the Country, were ordered to make public Supplication for the safety of Greece; so honoured and so Rich grew the Sirens among the Ephesians, that they built several Temples in that City. The Corinthians also gave them that Respect, that when t●ey were to supplicate Venus in any m●tter of Importance, the peculiar charge of their Prayers was committed to their Sirens. Aristotle also thought them worthy of Divine Honours, when he made the same Offering, and used the same Ceremonies to the Cyren Hernia, as were usually observed to Ceres of Eleasine. Venus' being the first Siren, was therefore counted a Goddess, from whose Example it grew in Custom among the Cyprians, that the young Shepherdesses did always (before they stuck close to any Shepherd) prostitute themselves on the Seashore, thereby to pick up a Dowry acceptable to their peculiar Shepherd's. And the Babylonians by the Report of Herodo●us when they had consumed their Farms, were wont to compel their Daughters to turn Sirens for the future Maintenance of them and themselves. Aspacia was a great Benefactor to Bettyland, for she filled all Greece with Sirens, and for the Love of her, and for the Injury which the Megareans did 〈◊〉 in taking some of her young Sirens from her, Pericles began that fatal and lasting Peloponnesian War. Heliogabulus was a very great Benefactor, for he had all Conveniences belonging to Betty-land-Love in his own House: He gave to all the Roman Matrons that would turn Siren's, not only Immunity, but Impunity. Caesar was so great a Benefactor, that he was called the Male for all Females: Rhodope also the great Friend and Companion of Aesop, that made the Fables, got so much Wealth by the occupation of a Siren, that she built a Pyramid accounted the third wonder of the World: And Flora left the Empire of Rome her Heir. Of later times Pope Sixtus was a very great Benefactor to Bettyland, who built a most Noble Habitation for Sirens at Rome; nor are his Successors less kind, by whom they are still indulged, only paying a julio a week to the Church, and it is a good Subsistence to the Priests of Pan in that Country, to have an Allotment out of the Bordelli, to make up the defects of other Endowments. As for Example, A Curate-ship worth twenty Crowns. A Priory worth 40 Ducats, and 3 Sirens in the Bordelli at 20 Julio's a week. Nor are the Venetians less munificent Benefactors, from whom they have all Immunity desirable, nor are the Sirens less grateful in returning considerable Incomes to the Commonwealth, for they being the Bulworks of Christendom are allowed all ways imaginable to support their urgent and unavoidable Necessities. Plato was also a great Benefactor to Bettyland, for his Laws were for a Community of Shepherdesses, among whose followers we may reckon the Nicolaitan Heretics, who to avoid the Stripes of that Fury, Jealousy, thought it more Convenient that the Huswives of their Country should be prostituted. Thus we see how Betty-land-Love has bewitched and charmed the wisest Husbandman in all Ages. There is a strange Venom in it, and it follows Success and Plenty with a strange Rage, of both which, he that is the absolute Master shall have much ado to keep out of the Tanpits of Betty-land-Love, a very great Mischief, no question, in regard tha● the Chiefest Venuses will not permit their dearest Aeneas' to fall into, if by all the Guards of Neptune & his blue Eyed Host they can protect them both. The Vermin which most annoy the Agriculture most used in Bettyland, are your Sr. Rogers, or Hypocritical Devotists, and those other pestilent Animals called Nurses, Mother Midnights, and Empirics, with Skins as smooth as Beaver, but black, as that Markham of Bettyland (called Cornelius Agrippa) notably observes, there are few Traps or Gins that can ensnare them, your Sr. Rogers are so like Civet-Cats, that the Husbandmen of Bettyland cannot distinguish one from another, so that the Husbandmen let them come upon their Land, thinking to retrieve the benefit of their Odoriferous and Precious Excrements, but these Sr. Rogers being the more subtle Animals, and great lovers of sweet Herbs, do more often come upon their Land and defile it: To say truth, where these Sr. Rogers have a design of Mischief, there are no Pales, no Fences, no Hedges, no Ditches that can keep them out, no Locks, no Bolts are strong enough to barricado a door against them. Nay the very Casements of the Shepherdess' hearts will fly open, if they do but give the least wink, they Charm the very Souls of the Bettyland Shepherdesses, pretending to have Radamanthus' Whip in their pockets, for the disobedient, and such a mess of Celestial Suckets in a Lawn Handcherchief for them that consent; so that the poor Creatures are forced to yield themselves up wholly to their disposul, besides the Reverence of their Exnmples, a violent Argument to batter the weak Fort of Female Reason, for most Females believe that the Priests of Pan are so Holy, that they cannot err: And therefore in the Papistical. Parts of Bettyland, how many windfalls has the Hurricane of Confession blown down? you may sometimes s●e the whole Country almost strewed over with them, such is the heat of a well grounded Opinion, that it melts a Bettyland Female like Wax, and then comes the Sr. Roger, and claps his Impression upon her, what Shepherd can deny his Shepherdess when he asks her, and she replies, she is going to a Lecture? What Shepherd can deny 40 or 50 l. at a time, when she cries 'tis to pay her Sr. Roger? This brings your Sr. Rogers to their white Caps and their Neck-Handkerchiefs, but who can avoid it? for there is no prevailing against the force of Bettyland- Love, your Mother-midnights' are like those little Vermin called Millepedes, or Hog-lice, for they will crawl from one place to another, so unweariedly and so swiftly upon all Occasions, that you would swear they had a thousand Legs apiece. They have such an Awe on the Spirits of the poor Shepherdesses in Bettyland, that whatever they say, the others believe with more Reverence than the Legend of the Sibyls. There is such a familiar and inward Commerce of Secrecy between these Mother-midnights' and Bettyland Shepherdesses, that the latter are easily drawn to give their Appetite a Diversion where they can trust with so much Confidence, not to yield were to mistrust, and to mistrust were to break off the Communion of Secrecy. And they Conjecture not amiss, that believe that many a Mother-Midnight is the more cheerfully obeyed by the Shepherdesses of Bettyland, for the supply of secret Communication, there being as much pleasure to sit privately over a Makeroon and a Taster of Sack, repeating past delights with the Accidents and Appurtenances, as in the Enjoyment itself; for what can be nearer to Enjoyment, than to tell the very Actions, Passions, and Expressions of the Shepherd in the very Extacy of Fruition so frequently door, that unless it be done, there is not that Love and Kindness thought to be between each other? These Arcanums and Mysteries of Discourse, being the Seals and Testimonies of their Friendship.  
Your Empirics, though they have smooth Skins like Beavers, yet they have cursed sharp Claws, if they cannot get over, they will dig under the Pales: and when once they are got in, they will Earth themselves like Foxes, so that there is no getting them out again. The Shepherdesses of Bettyland are many times forced to trust them with very great secrets, which when they come to the knowledge of, they take the boldness to do what they list: These are the Caterpillars that destroy the Verdure and Beauty of Bettyland, these are the Moss and Canker that hinder the Orchards of Bettyland from bearing. And being admitted into the society of Secrecy, destroy the Fertility of Bettyland, by teaching the Shepherdesses how to shun the pains of Harvest, and yet enjoy all the full content of the Pleasure of Tillage, the Truth whereof is confirmed by that wise Husbandman Lucretius, 
Idque sui causa consuerunt schorta moveri,  
Ne complerentur crebro gravidaeque jacerent,  
Et simul ipsa vires Venus & concinnior esset.   
How did that Noble Shepherdess Livia handle her poor Shepherd Drusus, by that villainous cunning of the Empiric Eademus? How did Messalina lie in Common, and bring poor Claudius' Farm to Ruin, by the private help of Vestius Valentius, a most snbtle Caterpillar of an Empiric? But as for Nurses and Chambermaid's, they like busy Emmets or Pismires, make their Nests in all parts of the Country. They are like the Pigeons bred up in the Eastern parts of the World, to convey Intelligence to Towns besieged and foreign Countries, for do but give them an Amorous Pullet in Charge, and they shall convey it through all the Ambushments, Snares, Traps, Gins, and Co●trivances laid to catch them, as if they were invisible: whose true Use, Nature and Property, you may better see in Don Pedro de Lopez, an Inhabitant in that part of Betty land called Portugal, having with a curious Eye observed such Persons as he judged fitting to enjoy his Person, at length placed his Affection upon a Shepherdess in that Country named Cleandra, who was easily persuaded by his Wealth to yield herself wholly to his disposal: Among the rest of this Shepherd's Acquaintance, was one Lysarchus, whom Cleandra no sooner saw, but she judged him worth to bear a part in that Kindness which she showed her own Shepherd. Lysarchus percieving how things stood, resolved with all Secrecy to manage his Affairs. De Lopez with jealous Eyes beheld the more than usual Familiarity between Lysarchus and Cleandra, and resolves to find out the truth: whereupon he feigned a Journey to some other part of the Country, pretending Occasions that would stay himfor some time, but returning privately the same night, found Lysarchus and Cleandra together, in the most forbidden place by Friendship in the whole World; such was the injured Shepherds Amazement then, that he would have slain them both presently, but upon the retreat of his Passion, minding to give them both some time of preparation, wished for his Boy to fetch him one of the Priests of Pan, intending after he had fitted them to Sacrifice them both to that Deity, being the only horned God which the Poet's mention.  
But to the Application of the Story, this Shepherd had an old Nurse, who had been a notable Siren in her time: who hearing the Passion of De Lopez, and the Charge which he gave the Boy: Gets up, follows the Boy over the Plains, bids him go privately home to sleep, for she would fetch the Priest of Pan herself, which the Boy tired with keeping his Master's Sheep, readily obeyed; so coming to a Priest, she borrows the Habits of his Profession, returning she put them on, and coming back to the Shepherd's Cottage, she found the Shepherd with the Instruments of Death in his hand, walking in a furious manner in the next Apartment where Lysarchus and Cleandra lay asleep. The Shepherd perceiving her enter, mistaking her in Disguise for the Priest, bid her go in, awake them both, and prepare them for Sacrifice. The Nurse answered him, That she would not dispute the Justice of his Revenge, only entreated him not to disturb them till her Return, so entering into the Chamber, she found the two Inhabitants of Bettyland Embracing one another after the Fashion of the Country: she awaked them, and acquainted them of the Shepherds Return, what he had seen, his Fury and Intention: which so surprised them, that it almost deprived them of their Senses. But, quoth the Nurse, hear the way that I propose both to deceive and satisfy the Shepherd. Here, quoth she, to Lysarchus, take this Habit, and put it on, and then you may adventure out, for the shepherd will mistake you for the Priest, which I Sergeant. Up gets Lysarchus, while the Nurse laid herself in the same place; as he went forth the Shepherd met him, and only asked him if he had done what he was sent for? who replied, he had performed his Pleasure: the Shepherd then entering into Cleandra's Apartment, False Shepherdess, quoth he, behold him here whom you have wronged, I hope you are sufficiently prepared for Sacrifice. To which, she faintly answered, Alas! dear shepherd, first let me know my Crime, before I receive my Punishment. Can you be Innocent, quoth he, and yet admit strange Cattle into my Enclosure? Oh dire mistake, quoth she! and then uncovering the Nurse's Face, see here the strange Heiser that Grazes in your Meadow, in your Absence I only took my Nurse a-field with me to bear me Company. At these words the Shepherd stood amazed with Joy and Grief; with Grief, to have unjustly suspected her; with Joy, to find himself mistaken: which immediately caused him to Embrace her, & to promise her for the future, never to harbour an ill Thought of her. So subtle are these Bettyland Nurse's in promoting and concealing Bettyland- Love, and deceiving the poor Shepherds; for as they are generally very great Thiefs themselves, so they never value the robbing their Master's Fruit, the breaking of his Hedges, and what strange Cattle seed upon his Tillage: The people of Bettyland, especially the better sort, spend much of their time in the Fields and Gardens, which by some of the meaner Shepherd's, are kept beautified and trimmed, for the public Receipt and Entertainment of all comers. There also you may have Collations of all sorts, and several Varieties of delightful Liquors, but so excessively dear, as if Bettyland- Love and Expense were both born Twins. And it is most certainly averred, that the Son of Neptune and Father of Orion, Entertained three of the greatest Gods then in being, at less Charge than a Shepherd can entertain 3 Shepherdesses in one of these Gardens. For such is the potent Virtue of Rhenish-Wine and Sugar for Commotion, that though the Shepherdesses rose but 2 hours before from a plentiful Meal, yet you shall see them fall upon the Junkets of these places with so much fresh Fury, and devour with so much Greediness, as if they had never eaten before, or that they were not to feed again in half a year after: To ask the price of anything herein this place, or to question the Bill when it is brought up, is a Crime as inexpiable as the Gods to swear by Styx, and to be perjured; for Bettyland is at a perfect Antipathy with all manner of Frugality, and the Shepherdesses (like the Husbandmen of Egypt that guess at the Fertility of the Year by the overflowing of Nile) make their chief Conjectures what manner of Lives they shall lead, when married to their Shepherds, by the overslowing Prodigality of the Shepherd's Pockets in these places, so that unless a Shepherd comes very well provided into one of these Gardens, he shall find himself so intreagued in a Reckoning, that instead of an Hesperian Garden, or the Thessalonian Tempe, he finds himself in one of the Labyrinths of Minos, out of which he shall not be able to find the way, till he has pawned to the owner his Faith and Honour to make amends to morrow. This, if it be discovered among the Shepherdesses, into what a F●yer it puts the poor Shepherd, what Shifts, what Excuses, he is forced to pump for and borrow from his wracked Invention. But the Shepherdesses laugh and whisper, and are glad of the Occasion, for they are sure now he must make them 3 or 4 Treatments more to secure his Credit: Eumolpus coming one day into one of these Gardens, observed a melancholy Shepherd walking by himself, with so flow a pace, as if it had been his business to measure the ground, or that he had been studying for Sonnets: his Physiognomy showed much of self-Conceit, and ●uch of Discontent, as a place where all others displayed a geneneral Jollity of Humour in their Faces, his Singularity made Eumolpus resolved to attaque him, who made several turns Cheek by Jowl with him, expecting the time when he would unlock the Cabinet of his Lips: but finding him very frugal of his words, Sir, quoth he, I have seldom come into a pleasanter Garden, nor in pleasanter Wether, at which words the sad Shepherd taking his Right Elbow in his left Palm, and picking his Nose with his Thumb, Yes, quoth he, the place is pleasant enough to such young Gallants as you, that have Money enough. Is Money then the Cause, said Eumolpus, that the Leaves look so green? that the Birds are so merry? or that the Sun shines so bright? No, quoth he, but 'tis the Money in the Shepherd's Pockets that make the Shepherdess●s look so wantonly, Pluto and Cerberus take them all for me, and the Eumenideses claw their Buttocks, as some of them have clawed my Pockets. I have been as great a haunter of these Gardens, as the best of them all, and when all was a going, I cried, Sera est in fundo Parsimonia, and that cursed Proverb hath left me n●ver a Groat in my Purse. But I am come here to Imprint the Disdain of my Folly the deeper into my Breast by the sight of those places where my Folly bewitched me: Nothing vexes me, but that I have spent my Fortune upon Petticoats, and in adoring such a sort of Goddesses, that are the most peccant in the World, especially as to that abominable Sin of Ingratitude. Ask them but only to let you have a Child, as the Gods gave Hiaereus for his loving Entertainment, and they plead so many Inconveniences, as if there were no Mandrakes or Savine in the Country, for they generally reserve those Favours, for those that are less bountiful, in that only kind that they believe it too severe that a poor Shepherd should empty two Purses at one time. Eumolpus to gain a further discovery from his inward Dissatisfaction, invited the sad Shepherd to drink a Bottle of Wine in an adjoining A●bor, where the distance of the ●eaves afforded Casements sufficient to take a view of all that passed by. Fi●st came along a brisk young Shepherd, so gay and so be-riboned, that he seemed to have a Nosegay (of all the Flowers than flourishing) upon his Codpiece, his Breeches looked as if they had been beset with Tulips, as if what they covered concealed the same Spring and lively Vigour as the Earth that produced the natural Colours: he spoke in Raptures, for he disdained the very Sun that gliss'ned upon his Carnations in comparison of those Suns which were by and by to devour his Tarts. If a Nightingale chanced to Warble, O Madam! quoth he, this is Incomparable, but nothing to the divine Melody of your Charming Voice; his officious hand carried the Shepherdess' Fan, and sometimes he cooled himself, & sometimes her, and when he took it from her Lips, he breathed out nothing but Sighs, that Arabia Faelix had lost all her Odours: The Shepherdesses that Graced his Company were like so many Iris', full as Gay, and altogether as full of Tongue, laughing and smiling they threw their heads about, as if they had been willing they should have fallen from their Shoulders, to have been taken up like their Gloves; so merry and so wanton, as if they had never known a melancholy Thought; so far from s●eming to have never been in Love, that they seemed to be the Controllers of Love himself. The sad Shepherd, at their approach made them a most Reverend Obeisance, which they as mildly returned, calling him by his name, but they were no sooner passed, but he laid violent hands upon his own Hair, with such a passion, as if he would have pulled off as much as would have made a Scourge to have driven them out of the Alley. These Shepherdesses, quoth he, I know very well, and they know me, and good Reason they have; for, quoth he— casting a grim look after them— but let that pass. These are they that are called by the names of Precious Ones, because of their Youth and Beauty, and their civil Easiness to receive the Caress of a Treatment. They go for great Fortunes, quoth he, but if the Shepherds their Fathers could put them off with those Clothes, the Devil of a Rag more would they give them. Could there be but one found among them that had but a Portion really half as large as her Swallow, I fear I should go to my old trade again, and strive to undo one Tailor more than I have done: By and by came another Shepherd with a gang of another so●t of Shepherdesses, they were as glorious as the former, but not so young as they, nor altogether so Handsome, they seemed to move in a dancing posture, and now and then they would sing half a dozen Notes of a new Air: in their Discourse they seemed to hold Arguments, and to talk upon Themes of Love; whatever they said, it was not for the Shepherd to reply, but only to listen, bow, and smile, and make a nod upon me of those that said nothing. However the sad Shepherd struck to them as they passed along, but when they were gone, these are they, quoth he, that are called the Ravishing Ones. They are Witty, but seldom Rich, which makes them the more easy of Access: They look High, and their chief Expectation is, when a wealthy Shepherd will fall into the Trap of their Admiration, they gull, and are gulled, for the Shepherds that obtain them, never think of marrying till they are upon their last Legs. In short, as it is their chiefest Aim, so they make more Rapes upon the Purse, than upon the Heart. By and by another Shepherd, with a little small Shepher●● his hand, no taller than the wastband of his Breeches, so that he looked like the Fellow with his Brother growing out of his side, you would not think how she prinkt it and pranked it, and peered up in the Shepherd's Face, she was always for looking back upon those that passed by her taller than herself. The main of her Discourse was, no I'll sweat, no I vow, no— Pish— The sad Shepherd put off his Hat to her, as well as to the rest, for which he received a Courtesy with her Chin in her Neck. There's one of the Mincing Mi●i●● quoth he, she's Rich, but her Wit and her Waste are both of a size. The next that followed, were 3 strapping Shepherdesses, Elderly in years, they sang and giggled; and showed a large sto●k of Con●idence, they had no Shepherd to attend them, yet they were saluted by many, with your humble Servant Lady's. The sad Shepherd little regarded them, for, quoth he, these are the Evaporated Ones, they are almost out of date, yet sing pricksong without Book, and discourse upon all Subjects without fear or wit, though they bear no ●alice to any person, if you will be so credulous as to believe what they say. Toward the Evening, and just upon Sunset, we heard a couple of Chariots stop at the Garden-Gate, and straight in marched a Crew of Shepherds and Shepherdesses, the Shepherds huffing and dinging, the Shepherdesses flaunting and ranting; Juno's with Ganymedes bearing their Trains, they did so lout and stare, that they cleared all before them, their Talk was loud, and presently the Husbandman that owned the Garden was called for, who came creeping and cringing to receive their Commands. These presently enquired what Rarities he had ready, who presently returned them a Banquet of hard Names, that would have puzzled the Master of Paul's School, or the Art of Memory itself. Have you any Champignions', cries one of the Shepherds? yes and it please you, cries the Husbandman, dressed a-la-mode de France cried the Shepherd? Yes, and it like your Honour, quoth the Husbandman, for I hate the damned English way of dressing Champignions', for the Devil Dam, Madam, quoth he, if they don't make me sick. The sad Shepherd made his Obeisance to them, as they passed along, but they little regarded him. These, quoth he, are the most ingrateful Shepherdesses of all living, for when you have spent all your Estate and all your Marrow to boot on them, they think they have received nothing but their due. The Reason why they appear in the Dark is, because they fly the Sun, as the other avoid the Rain, the Sun annoys their Faces, more than Rain the others habits. For these are they who are called Besmeared Ones, Varnish-Daubers, to whom Phoebus is a great Enemy, whilst Plasterers and Red-Painters, with whom when a Man converses, he talks to that which is not. He believes that such a one speaks to him, when there is no such thing, no wonder no Painter can draw them right, when they draw themselves so wrong, nor is it a wonder they should so much forget themselves, that in a short time are not able to know their own Faces when they meet them in their Looking-Glasses. The poor Shepherds seem to be accompanied only with the beloved Statues of their own making, enlivened by the kindness of the Gods and their own importunate Prayers. Time ploughs up their Faces, but they fill up the Furrows so thick, that when they are dead, they look like mere pieces of Plaster of Paris. They retired to their Collation, and we stayed their return, when they were gone we thought it time to go too, ●o marching out we met the husbandman of the house coming from the Gate muttering and swearing to himself. What cause of so much wrath, quoth the sad Shepherd; to whom the husbandmam cha●ing and fretting returned, quoth he, These Gay Shepherdesses ye saw last, have devoured above three Pounds, and the hu●●ing Shepherd that Treated them had no Money, but hath sent me with a Note to his Grocer to take it out in Tobacco. This is my Comfort, that if the Grocer be wise we may chance to make the Fool pay six for his three: There's no trusting without Pro●it, Nature will have it so, we were born to get, and they to spend. They say, quoth the sad Shepherd, the Garden of Eden is no where to be found, what if it be not, were I an Antiquary, trust me, if I would waste one quarter of a sheet about in, for here is a Garden as like it as can be imagined, here is the knowledge of Good and Evil, here is the Forbidden-Fruit, here is the Tempter and the Tempted. There is only the difference that in the first Eden the Serpent was too Cunning for the Woman, here the Women are too Cunning for the Serpents. jupiter defend me! how these empty- skulled Shepherds will boast to morrow at their Ordinary, of the Honour they had to keep Company with these painted Images, all the Table shall ring of the Favour she did him to let him kiss her Hand, to tell him this or t'other Story: Nor is this Career to be stopped till some Cynical Shepherd stands up and swears he had rather keep company with a Kitchen-Wench, than a painted Shepherdess: upon this they go together by the Ears, and it looks like the Contest between the Greek and Roman Church, whether Images or no Images, so long as there is no other harm done, 'tis not unpleasant to see one carry his Arm in a Scarf, another with a black piece of Sarsenet upon his Knuckles. Paris had never more Right to Helena, nor Perseus to Andromeda, than they believe themselves to have right to the vindicated Shepherdess. If they prick one another upon Putney- Heath, or in Barn-Elm- Fields, 'tis not half a penny matter, it does but waste the unruly Red, that would turn to unruly white, so long as no person falls a Sacrifice to the fucused Deity.  
Could Man but view from some remoter Sphere,  
The idle businesses of Mankind here;  
With how much Industry some Men contrive;  
Scarce to keep any but themselves alive:  
With how much Pains and Sweat some Men design,  
To waste their Father's Care in Dice and Wine.  
Whilst others on a Nose or Eye shall spend.  
A whole years Thri●t before an hour can end;  
They'd swear that time were now grown prodigal,  
Of his own hours, and Fate more lavish call:  
To give so long a Life to foolish Men,  
To spend in ore and o'er the same again.  
And would not Bartholin now laugh to hear,  
Ye say such Souls as these Immortal were!  
Souls that no better seek nor better know,  
But are content with Pleasures only show.  
Immortal Souls know more, if we guess right,  
And Body's must be changed to clear the sight:  
But though the Body's changed there's none that say  
The Soul shall e'er be changed at any day:  
Then only earthly Mixtures must Compose,  
Such Frames where such mean Satisfaction grows.  
The Education of the Shepherdesses and Huswives in Bettyland, is most preposterous and contrary to the Politic Rules of all other Governments. The better sort are generally bred up in the Imaginary Castles and Towers of Acrisius, called Boarding-Schools, kept by a certain sort of she-Creatures that will pretend to be whatever you will have them to be: say they shall be she-Draggons, and they shall be such, if you would have them to be the Arguses, they shall persuade ye that they are such, and rather than excuse themselves for not having so many Eyes as he had, they shall allow you sixscore to the hundred. And withal to magnify the security of their Vigilancy, that the very Sun itself shall not dare to peep through the Glass whilst they are in the Room. If you will have them to be she- Centaurs, she- Centaurs they shall be, of which there appears not a little probability, for in these places it is, that the young Shepherdesses first learn the Art of Horsemanship and Horseplay, first riding o●e another, and then in a short time after, riding quite away with some Shepherds or other, to the great Consolation of their Parents. For you must know, that jupiter is Lord of the Ascendent in all these Houses, and his golden Showers will go through the very pores of the Tiles. There are Appurtenances belonging to those Houses of Female Instruction. Imprimis, Dancing-Masters, a certain sort of Cattle, to which the young Shepherdesses give more Adoration, than the Egyptian to their Cow Isis. Mere Apes, and the worst of Apes, as being French Apes, herein unfortunate that there never was any foolery invented yet, so impertinent and unnecessary in the world as the foolery of Dancing, herein fortunate, that the Age is so unfortunate to be their Apes. Yet the young Shepherdesses endeavour to imitate them, and the old ones are so mad as to let them, but then they rue it, when they find the young Huswives have been dancing so long that they can hardly go, for the weight of their Bellies. This is the Art that first witches them to kick up their heels by the powerful Charms of gesticular and obscene Motion, by the Opportunities of palming, kissing, and treading upon the Toe, and striking while the Iron is hot, which is the Reason that the good natured Souls cannot refuse to dance a Coranto with the Dancing-Master himself. I know said Eumolpus in one small place of Education, two Families of 3 Sisters apiece totally laid common, by the Ins●nuations of this Art, and one more of another Family, which me thought was pity, for 'twas all the old Shepherdess had. Not unlikely, said Eucolpius, but more than that, how many Antic Dancers whose Clothes have been made straight to their Limbs, have been sent far off the Stage by great Shepherdesses to allay the strength of Imagination. They have a Musician too, of whom they learn half a dozen Lessons on Virginals, and 3 or 4 sing-Songs by Rote. A little Music goes a great way with them, only to make a Caterwauling noise, when their Parents come to see them, and to show they do not give their Money for nothing. Besides all this, they learn very dextrously to play the little Thiefs for their Bellies, to Junket in corners, which they practise afterwards to the no small Expense of their Espousers, but for any Documents of Modesty, Chastity, good Housewifery, or well ordering of a Family, 'tis not required by their Parents, that they should be much (if any thing at all) instructed therein, which is the reason that as soon as they come out of these places, they presently travel into Bettyland, and never more return into their own Country.  
The people of Bettyland are subject to several Diseases, both of Mind and Body, particularly among the Females, there is one Disease that universally Rages, called Furor Vterinus, the Stories of Io and Pasiphae very plainly demonstrate the Rage of this Distemper. The first of which was in such a Condition, that she run lowing up and down like a Cow for Cure, and the latter for the remedy of her Malady, was forced to make use of a Bull. Two odd kinds of Receipts you'll say, but you know the Rule in Physic, a desperate Disease must have a desperate Cure. To say there is any absolute Cure for this Disease is a folly, for there is nothing cures it but death, yet the heat and present fury of the Distemper is often allayed by the Application of proper Pessaries, of which there must be prepared Variety still at hand, and those hourly made use of, or else they signify nothing, of this Distemper Virgil thus speaks; 

Hic Aredelis amor tauri suppostaque furto,  
Pasiphae mistumque genus prolesque deformis,  
Minotaurus inest Veneris monumenta nefandae.   

The Bull thus lowed, and for the sport full fed  
Into the Straw Pasiphae creeps to Bed,  
Thence'a mixed Off spring, strange prodigious Fools,  
Men, Men in all parts, else 〈◊〉 foreheads Bulls:  
For Minotaurs and Cuckolds are the same,  
Witness both the Conception and the Name.  
Fie, Lipsius, Fie, to read all Virgil o'er,  
And not perceive whence Cuckolds came before.    
There is a Distemper among the Shepherds called Priapismus, which if it meet with this Furor Vterinus, will hold it pretty tack. It is a kind of Giantlike Distemper, that lifts its head most stiffly against Furor Vterinus, as having a perfect Animosity against it: If they happen to run-counter, the Combat is fierce and endures long, many times as long as either Shepherd or Shepherdess can crawl or breath, but without any satisfaction of thei● Revenge. And therefore the best way is for them to let one another alone; this Furor Vterinus is that which make the Poet Euripides cry out, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. 
Heavens bless us! how are Mortals Tennis-balled,  
With this grand Mischief Amorous Fury called.  This is that which distracts the whole Region of Bettyland, the Bowl feau of domestic Discord and public Havoc. This is that which bankrupts the Gentry, and hurries the poor Merchant and Tradesmen headlong into the Sanctuary of the Fleet and King's-Bench. The profusion of Habit, the Prodigality of Diet, the waist of Visits, the Consumption of Entertainments. Thence Hippolytus in Euripides falls into such a high Passion that he Exclaims, 

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, etc.   

O Jupiter! what cause of thy so cruel Hate,  
That thou didst Women thus for Man create?  
If 'twere thy Aim to propagate Mankind,  
The Female way ought not t' have been designed.  
But men into thy Temples should have brought,  
Or Brass, or Steel, or Gold more purely wrought,  
That couldst not thou have changed, and then might we  
Have lived in Peace from Female Fury fr●e.    
Some of the Effects of this Furor Vterinus happens to be as Comical as the other is Tragical, while some poor Shepherds are found locked up in Trunks, others whelmed under kneading-Troughs, and there kept till their own Shepherdesses are sent for, to receive the same kindnesses over their Backs, which they had done to their Neighbours.  
There are also several Frenzies in Bettyland, the chiefest whereof is known by the name of being in Love, so that you shall hardly read a Romance wherein the Prime Hero of all does not waste himself to Skin and Bones for the Love of some fair Shepherdess o● other, what a deal of white Paper has been wasted, to tell you in what sad Condition Demetrius was in, how his Cheeks grew pale, his Eyes grew hollow, how he fell from his meat like a Hen troubled with the Pip, what a Fever he had, how he revived at the sight of her, and all for the Love of his Mother-in-Law: Nay, and the old doting Shepherd his Father was forced to quit the pleasure of his old Age to save the young Fop his Son, O most unparallelled Success of a Betty-land-Frenzy! They that put Teresius upon Interrogatories whether he enjoyed most satisfaction as a Man or a Woman, might as well have put the question to this young Shepherdess, which she liked best, the Father or the Son. Worse luck had Phaedra, who was so mad as to hang herself for the Love of her Son-inLaw Hippolytus. Worse luck had Dido, who was so mad as to burn herself. Worse luck had Echo, to kill herself▪ for the Love of Narcissus, but a more conceited Fool was Narcissus to kill himself for Love of his own shadow.  
The same Frenzy possessed Thisbe, Hero and Parthenia, for the Loss of Pyramus, Leander and Argalus, there is scarce a Book in all Bettyland, where some or other have not been forced to quench the heat of their Frenzies, even to the extinction of Life itself. If you ask the Cure, I can tell you none, bu● the Remedies already mentioned, that is to say, Ropes, Rivers, Fires and Precipices.  
Sterility and Frigidity are two great Distempers in Bettyland, but they do more pester and trouble the Country than annoy it. Sterility causes great Murmuring, and Frigidity causes great Heartburning. And the sport is to hear them lay the fault one upon another, there being few or none that are willing to confess where the fault lies. Away goes the Shepherdess to her Neighbours for Information, you, quoth she, have all of ye such pretty little young Shepherds and Shepherdesses, and I can have none, which is the greatest Torment to me in the world; upon this complaint, many deep questions are put, so freely answered▪ that there is not a Secret in Nature concealed. Many times there is a Writ of Enquiry in the case, and all things are concluded to be safe and well: Then is the poor Shepherds Back agreed to be the weaker, and yet the whole burden and weight of miscarriage is laid upon it. It would tyre Hercules himself to undergo the labour, which he is now put upon, however the better▪ to enable the poor Shepherd to dig and sow in his Parsley-bed, Physicians of all Sorts, Ages and Sexes are consulted with, certainly the most gainful and delightful part of their Practice; to sit with an allowed Familiarity by a Fair Shepherdess half unready in a morning, passing away the time so pleasantly, at the pretty sport of Questions and Answers, ●●moving, so tickling, that they would kindle a fire in the frozen Breast of a Hermit. They prescribe the Time, the Preparation, the Posture, Manner and Order of Action, and must have an Account, question by question, whether every Lesson were punctually observed. Then having received a large Reward, you cannot imagine with what a solemn Countenance and merry Heart they take their leave, for which they so cram ye with Electuaries of Diasatyrion and Diacorum, so benoynt ye with Oil of Euphorb. so feast you with candied Eringoes, Pisstachoes, pickled Periwinkles, Cock-Iellies and sweet Wine, that were not the poor Shepherds forced to empty as well as fill, Heaven only knows to what a Strength and Fatness they would arrive. And truly they work strange Cures sometimes. Others there are, that from Gun-Smiths, Farryers' and Cobbler's, having got a few idle Receipts against Barrenness and Sterility, get such a Fame in Bettyland presently, that their Halls are crowded all the morning long with Nurses coming for half Crown-Glasses, and for this they have a Poundage according to the Custom that they bring. Ask some of these great Paracelsus' why they add the Virtues of curing Sterility and Frigidity to a simple Pill which they know has no such Efficacy: O they cry! that's the Cummin-Loaf that takes with the Female Pigeons, but when all is done, he gives the most pleasing Physic that whispers in a Shepherdess' Ears, Change Vostre Vit Madam, and who can dispute the Licence which a Delphian Oracle gives. But the grand Senior Disease of all that domineers and rages in every corner of Bettyland, is a Distemper that has as many Names and Titles, as the Great Turk himself, his Praenomen is morbus, his Cognomen's are like the Train of a Pleni-Potentiary Ambassadors Coach, Neapolitanus, Hispanicus, Gallicus, Americanus, Mexicanus, Venereus, Lues Venerea, Gonorrhoea simplex, Gonorrhoea Faetida, in English the Pox. These 3 Capital Letters wast more Printers-Ink, than all the whole Alphabet besides; a man cannot draw to make water, but they are always in his Eye bragging and vapouring what they can do if he have occasion. This Monsieur Pox, and the Devil, like your Sergeant and Yeomen, upon the least Choler and Indignation are at every turn (by the Shepherds of Bettyland) bid to go take and apprehend whoever they be that offend them, and they are two such nimble Pursivants, that 'tis the general opinion that few or none escape one or the other.  
Most faithful Shepherds, 'tis not to be believed, that this Distemper is of so modern an Extraction, such an upstart destroyer of Mankind as it is generally taken to be, for in the first place we read of Dejanira's Shirt, which as the Fable tells ye she sent to Hercules, which being set on fire by the heat of his Body, burned him to death. All which in verity was nothing but a most virulent Clap, which that Confounded Whore gave the greatest Hero in the World in his old Age, better had it been for Bettyland that that Strumpet had been burnt a hundred years before, for the Example of that great Hero has so bewitched the Hectors of our Age, that they never think themselves like Hercules, till they have been calcined in Dejanira's Smock. Aged Aeson was so improvident, as to get a Clap in his old Age, but his Daughter Medea so well sweat him in her Cornelius' Tub, that she recovered him, which gave an occasion to the Poets to feign, that she boiled him so long till she renewed high Age. And Valerius Maximus tells you a Story of young Clodius Pulcher, who being a dissolute young Shepherd, and wholly dedicating himself to the Embraces of a Common and Infamous Siren: Erubescendo mortis genere Consumptus fuit, died a Death which was a shame to rehearse, for saith he, Abdomine avide devorato saede & sordid Intemperantiae spiritum reddidit. The lower parts of his Belly being all eaten away, he yielded his Life to the conquest of most nasty and sordid Intemperance.  
The fury of t●is Distemper is anciently set forth by the Greek Poet Nicander in his Alexiphar●aca, who lived in the time of Attalus the last King of Pergamus, 

〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉,  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.   

For if the vigour of Meclean Fury but once  
Begins to parch the Marrow of the Bones,  
woe worth the Man that finds not Surgeon out  
And if he escapes the first, takes tother bout,  
When wasted with inexorable Pains,  
He moans the Anguish spread through all his Veins:  
Oh cruel Pleasure that we buy so dear,  
For one hours' sport to plague a Man a year.    
Surely, said Eucolpius, to pass through the several Hospitals, where the Cures of this Distemper are performed, is a Journey more pleasant than that of Aeneas into Hell, to see a poor Shepherd with his Head and Chaps mu●●led up like Bevis of Southampton in his Helmet, laid all along upon the side of his Couch, like the Statue of Thamesis pouring out a River from the Urn of his Mouth. To hear the strange Noises and hollow Sounds, that others make having lost the Organs of Speech, how they curse and ban the Artist for not having made their new Noses according to Directions, for having made a new palate more like the Roof of an Oven than to be put into the Mouth of a Gentleman. Go a little further and you shall hear another fuming against the cause of his Misfortune, a plague of all Religious Siren's— had she not told me, she had been one of Baxter's Hearers, she should have been damned ere I would have meddled with her. How I came by this sad Accident, cries another, Heaven knows! for I have not laid with any but my own Shepherdess this half year, but he is soon taken up short by his fellow in Affliction— Hell take your Shepherdess for me, for I had to do with her but a week since and she gave me this. A huge mountainous Shepherd, Grave and Elderly, had been clawed off by a little diminutive Pigmy, and he sat in his Indian-Gown, with a blue Satin-Cap, Laced and Bordered with a Rich Point, comforting himself up with Hall's Meditations, Shakespeare, and Foxe's Book of Martyrs, and giving wholesome Advice to all that came to s●e him. O my dear Friends and Companions! quoth he, have a care of Sirens, little approaching to a door fast locked ye might discover through the Keyhole, a poor Shepherdess disconsolately creeping about the Room, lamenting and sighing to herself, and at length he●ving a Glass of Liquor to her Mouth, which went down with so many sour Faces and with so much reluctancy, that it seemed to be neither Hippocras nor burnt-Claret. Are these the sweets of Love, quoth she? The Pleasures of my Youth have sour Sauce, for I am undone and never shall be my own Woman again. But the old Nurse that was with her, cried, Have patience and all will be well in due time, '●was his Ignorance, and you must pardon one another. Pardon me, quoth the other, what am I guilty of? Alas! I begged as for an Alms to tell me the truth, and he still cried, it was a Strain, that he got it at playing at Leapfrog, I pitied him, I nursed him, and plastered him, till it was come to that I could almost look in at his Mouth quite through the nape of his Neck, than too late I discovered my Error and his Untruth. The Distemper is so general, that a Man cannot shrink up his Nose in any Company, for the shooting of a Corn against wet weather, but they ask ye— what h●, you have got 'em. Now as there are many Philosophers that have largely treated of Valour and Fortitude, many that have made Essays upon Patience, but none of these make any mention of those that so boldly and magnanimously Adventure Life and Limbs in the Combats of Venus. He that loses a Limb in Battle reaps Honour, and Scars beget▪ Renown. But let a Venerial Furioso with a Colly-Flower upon his Forehead Encounter Bacchus' himself never so briskly, his Nose which by this means he is for●'t to purchase of pure Gold is not so much esteemed as the others wooden Leg, no man calls them Hero's but Fools. And therefore Heroules is not brought in mad by the Poets▪ for having the Disease, but because he was such a● Fool to get it, 'twas a swinger, and he died on't. But b●cause Hercules the Hector of the World died on't, that's no Argument that the Hectors of Bet●y-land should run such terrible Risks for the fag end of Hercules his Fame. Therefore Nessus the Centaur, who gave Dejanira her Dose, gave the better Advice, who being slain by Hercules for vitiating his Mistress upon his deathbed left Dejanira this Legacy. Give, quoth he, the same Clap to Hercules that I have given you, and I'll secure you, he shall never love Sirens more. The effect of which Counsel was good, and doubtless to be followed rather than the Example of Hercules, most fit for those that accidentally commit an Error to take warning by in time. But they that try the Experiments for the Experiments sake, deserves no better end than Hercules had; but what Remedies? Remedies! more than there are Atoms playing in the Summer-Sun-Beams.  
A Distemper that opposes the Generation of Man, to set up and advance its own generative faculty.  
For it has produced and daily procreates such multitudes of Vermin and strange Monsters, that the sultry Bogs of Africa never produced the like. French Quacks, Italian Mountebanks, Germane Operators, English Empirics, Experienced Hunters, Universal Pillmakers, Paracelsians, Chemists, Hermetical Astrologers, Compounders, Confounders, Projectors, Dissectors, Injectors. These made such an Alarm in the world, that the Curates, Parish-Clerks, and Sextons, nay the whole Prerogative Office was in an up-roar, and all joining together, drew up a Remonstrance, which they presented to Death. One of the Curates in a formal set-Speech, informed his meager Majesty of the danger he was in, how many new Pills, Potions, Waters, Elixirs, Spirits of Salt, Lozenges, and Chemical Extractions these Enemies of his had invented to his Destruction. To commiserate the Ruin of so many Families that lived by Dust to Dust, Grave-digging, Bell-tolling, Chancel-ground, middle-Isle-ground, and Belfry-ground. To pity the decay of the Civil-Law, should they lose the Probat of Wills: On the other side, the people of Bettyland finding that they were now to be immortal, fell to all manner of Debauchery, Gluttonizing, Drinking, Whoring, to the height of all Excess, laying all care of Health aside, as altogether needless and frivolous, encountering Claps and Pox with that boldness, as if they had done it in defiance of Death, making Lampoons against that poor. Miscreant, as if he had not been worthy to wipe their Shoes. As for Old Time with his Scyth, they bid him go to Harvest-work, and labour hard in the Summer, lest he is starved in the Winter; some ask● him why he did not make friends to get into the Charterhouse.  
Death and Time too were not a little troubled to hear these things, and therefore to understand the truth of their Practices, they resolved to take a turn or two about the Town. The main Obstacle was to get into moorfield's, where the chief heads of the Rebellion lived, for fear of the Prentices. But time being the master of Opportunity, bid him leave that to his Care: so coming into the Street, they beheld to their no small Astonishment, all the Posts, all the dead Walls, all the Posterns, all the Arches so beplaistered, so besmeared with Bills and printed Papers bidding open defiance against them, as if the Bricks and Stone would sink under their several burdens with the Support and Enablement of these potent Cerecloths. By and by comes a Fellow with a Brush and pot of Past, and his Arms full of Quarto's, and giving Death such a shoulder, as had almost thrown him into the Kennel, claps up another brisk Challenge i'th' very teeth of him; Death let him go as he came, for he did not like his Company, and when he was gone fell to Reading. In the first place, No Cure no Money, Cheek by Jowl by that stood, At the Gun in moorfield's liveth one that never fails. Much ado had Time to keep Death from striking his Dart into his own Breast, at the sight of th●se two confident pi●ces of Mortality. But when he lift up his Eyes, and spied the Three Infallible Cures. Dii and Pluto guard me, quoth Death, Three Infallible Cures, Then woe is me poor Death! I never knew myself till now, a whole Crown for one quarter of Brandy, for these bold Mortals have almost broke my Heart. But time the subtler of the two, gave him kind words of Comfort, assuring him that he doubted not but in a short time to let these Boasters find how vainly they contested with so great a Prince as he was. But as public as they are abroad, they pr●t●nd the greatest Secrecy imaginable at their own Habitations. For the People of Bettyland whatever Revel-Rout they make when they get this Distemper, yet when they find themselves tainted, are the most cautious that can be to let thei● Friends, Relations, or Acquaintance know it. They sneak into the Habitations of the Sirens with their Cloaks over their No●es, pop out again when t●ey see t●e Street clear, but within doors are ashamed of no Extravagance, for pleasure is a kind of drunkenness that makes men mad, puts all the Senses and Pastions upon the stretch of duty, and when the heat is over, lays them tired and languid to sleep, leaving none but the usual Sentinels upon the Guard, Suspicion, Fear, and Repentance.  
FINIS.   

Books Printed for and Sold by Thomas Fox at the White-Hart ●ver against St. Dunstans-Church in Fleetstreet, and at the Angel in Westminster-Hall.  
THe History of the Grecian War, by Th●y●dides, and Englisht by Mr. Hobbs of Malmsbury, Folio.  
The History of the Life, Reign and Death of Edward 2d. King of England, & Lord of Ireland with therise and fall of his great Favourites Gaveston and the Spencers, Fol.  
cowel's Interpreter a new Law Dictionary, fol.  
Daltons' Office of Sheriff's, fol.  
Daltons' Country Justice, Folio.  
Boccaces' Tales, folio.  
The Trial and Condemnation of Stephen College at Oxford for High-Treason, with his last Speech at the place of Execution f● stitched.  
The Papers and Speeches of the late Lord Russel, Cap. Walcot, john Rowse and Will. Hone at the place of Execution, fol. stitched.  
An Examination of the state of the Case of the Earl of Danby, ●.  
An Account of the state of his Majesty's Revenue, as it was left by the Earl of Danby at Lady-day, 1679. in a Letter to a friend occasioned by his Lordship's answer to an Examination of the state of the Case of the Earl of Danby, by the Honourable Sr. Robert Howard, ●ol. stitched.  
The Examination of Edward Fits-harris Esq taken before Sr. Robert Cla●ton, and Sr. Geo. Treby, published by the order of the House of Commons, fol. stitched.  
A true Account of the whole proceedings betwixt his Grace the Duke of Ormond and the Right Honourable Arthur Earl of Anglesey late Lord Privy-Seal, before the King and Council, and the said Earls Letter of the 2d. of August to his Majesty on that occasion. With a Letter of the now Lord Bishop of Winchester to the said Earl of the means to keep out Popery, and the only effectual expedient to hinder the growth thereof, and to secure both the Church of England, and the Presbyterian Party, f. st.  
A seasonable Address to both House's of Parliament concerning the Succession, the fears of Popery and Arbitrary Government, by a true Protestant and hearty lover of his Country, quar. stitched.  
The Bishop of Hereford's Legacy to his Diocese, being Sermons against Popery and a Treatise on the Sacrament; quart.  
Mr Whitehals Answer to Mr. Hobbs' Civil Wars of England, Octavo.  
Cottoni Posthuma, or divers choice pieces of that Renowned Antiquary▪ Sr. Robert Cotton Bar. Oct.  
Rome's Tradition, the Law and Gospel's Destruction, being a sober defence of the Church of England from the Faction of the Romanists: with short historical Observations on the Actions and Policies of the Popes of Rome in 2 parts, by Geo. Topham Rector of Baston and Prebendary of Lincoln, Oct.  
Grammatical Drollery by Captain Hicks, Octau.  
Hobbs' Tripos in 3 Discourses. The first, Human Nature, or the fundamental Elements of Policy. The second de Corpore politico, or the Elements of Law moral and politic: as of the Law of Nature, Oaths, Covenants, several kinds of Go-vernment with the changes and Revolutions of them. The third of Liberty and Necessity, wherein all Controversy concerning Predestination, Election, freewill, Grace, Merits, Reprobation is fully decided and cleared the 3 Edition, by Tho. Hobbs of Malmsbury, Octavo.  
Mr. Hunt's Argument for the Bishops Right of judging in capital Cases in Parliament, Oct.  
The Lord Hollis' Remains, being a second Letter to a friend concerning the Judicature of the Bishops in Parliament in Vindication of what he wrote in his first, and in answer to a Book Entitled The Rights of the Bishops to judge in Capital Cases of Parliament cleared, and also to the Grand Question, etc. To which is added Considerations in answer to the learned Author of the Grand Question, etc. by another hand: and reflections upon some passages in Mr. Hunts Argument upon that Subject, by a third, Oct.  
An answer to Dolman alias Parsons upon the Succession, written by S. john Hayward Knight, and Dr. of Laws, Octau.  
The Ramble, an Anti-Heroick Poem, together with some Terrestrial Hymns and carnal Ejaculations by Alexander Ratcliff of Grayes-Inn Esq. Octau.  
Europe a slave, unless England break her Chains, discovering the grand Designs of the French popish Party in England for several years. The 2d. Edition, Twelve.  
The Roman Historian; or compendious History of the Lives, signal Erterprises and Deaths of all the Roman Emperors from julius Caesar to Leopold the first now Reigning, together with an exact Succession of all the Popes to this present time, Illustrated with the Sculptures of the Caesars in Copper-Plates, and Englisht from the Original Italian, by a Person of Quality in Twelves.  
French Intrigues, or the History of their delusory Promises since the Pirenaean Treaty, written in French at Cologne, and now made English, Twelve.  
Sr. Walter Rawley's Remains, Twel.