She would if she could, A COMEDY.  
Acted at His HIGHNESS the DUKE of YORK'S THEATRE.  
Written by GEORGE ETHEREGE Esq  
LONDON, Printed for H. Herringman, at the Sign of the Blue Anchor in the Lower walk of the New Exchange. 1668.   

Dramatis Personae.  

Sir Oliver Cockwood & Sir Joslin Jolley, Two Country Knights.  
Mr. Courtall & Mr. Freeman, Two honest Gentlemen of the Town.  
My Lady Cockwood.  
Ariana & Gatty, Two young Ladies, Kinswomen of Sir Joslin Jolley's.  
Mrs. Sentry, My Lady Cockwoods' Gentlewoman.  
Mrs. Gazette & Mrs. Trinket, Two Exchange-women.  
Mr. Rakehell, A Knight of the Industry.  
Thomas, Sir Oliver Cockwoods Man.  
A Servant belonging to Mr. Courtall.  
Waiters, Fiddlers, and other Attendants.    

She would if she could.  

ACT I.  

SCENE I.  
A Dining-Room.  Enter Courtall and Freeman, and a Servant brushing Courtall. Court. 
SO, so, 'tis well: let the coach be made ready.  Seru. 
It shall, Sir.  Ex. Seru. Court. 
Well, Frank, what is to be done to day?  Free. 
Faith, I think we must e'en follow the old  
Trade; eat well, and prepare ourselves with  
A Bottle or two of good Burgundy, that our  
Old acquaintance may look lovely in our Eyes;  
For, for aught as I see, there is no hopes of new.  Court. 
Well! this is grown a wicked Town, it was  
Otherwise in my memory; a Gentleman  
Should not have gone out of his Chamber,  
But some civil Officer or other of the Game  
Would have been with him, and have given him  
Notice where he might have had a course or  
Two in the Afternoon.  Free. 
Truly a good motherly woman of my acquaintance  
Tother day, talking of the sins of the times,  
Told me, with tears in her Eyes, that there are a  
Company of higling Rascals, who partly  
For themselves, but more especially for some  
Secret friends, daily forestall the Markets;  
Nay, and that many Gentlemen who formerly had  
Been Persons of great worth and honour, are of late,  
For some private reasons, become their own  
Purveyors, to the utter decay and disencouragement  
Of Trade and Industry.  Court. 
I know there are some wary Merchants,  
Who never trust their business to a Factor;  
But for my part, I hate the Fatigue, and had  
Rather be bound to back my own Colts, and man  
My own Hawks, than endure the impertinencies  
Of bringing a young Wench to the Lure.  Ent. Seru. Seru. 
Sir, there is a Gentlewoman below desires to  
Speak with you.  Court. 
Ha', Freeman, this may be some lucky  
Adventure.  Seru. 
She asked me, if you were alone.  Cour. 
And did not you say Ay?  Seru. 
I told her, I would go see.  Cour. 
Go, go down quickly, and tell her I am.  
Frank, prithee let me put thee into this  
Closet a while.  Free. 
Why, may not I see her?  Cour. 
On my life thou shalt have fair play, and  
Go halfs, if it be a purchase that may with  
Honour be divided; you may overhear all:  
But for decency sake, in, in man.  Free. 
Well, good Fortune attend thee.  Enter Mrs. Sentry Cour. 
Mrs. Sentry, this is a happiness  
Beyond my expectation.  Sent. 
Your humble Servant, Sir.  Cour. 
I hope your Lady's come to Town?  Sent. 
Sir Oliver, my Lady, and the whole Family:  
Well! we have had a sad time in the Country;  
My Lady's so glad she's come to enjoy the freedom  
Of this place again, and I dare say longs to have  
The happiness of your company.  Cour. 
Did she send you hither?  Sent. 
Oh no, if she should but know that I did such a  
Confident trick, she would think me a good one.  
I faith; the zeal I have to serve you, made me  
Venture to call in my way to the Exchange,  
To tell you the good news, and to let you know our  
Lodgings are in james-street at the Black-Posts,  
Where we lay the last Summer.  Cour. 
Indeed it is very obligingly done.  Sent. 
But I must needs desire you to tell my Lady,  
That you came to the knowledge of this by some  
Lucky chance or other; for I would not be discovered  
For a world.  Cour. 
Let me alone, I warrant thee.  Enter Servant. Seru. 
Sir Oliver Cockwood, Sir, is come to wait on you.  Sent. 
O Heaven! my Master! my Lady, and myself  
Are both undone, undone—  Cour. 
'Sdeath, why did you not tell him I was busy?  Sent. 
For Heaven's sake, Mr. Courtall, what shall  
I do?  Cour. 
Leave, leave trembling, and creep into the  
Wood-hole here.  she goes into the Wood-hole. Enter Sir Oliver. Cour. 
Sir Oliver Cockwood!  Embraces him. Sir Oliv. 
Honest Ned Courtall, by my troth I think  
Thou tak'st me for a pretty Wench, thou  
Hug'st me so very close and hearty.  Cour. 
Only my joy to see you, Sir Oliver, and to  
Welcome you to Town.  Sir Oliv. 
Methinks, indeed, I have been an age absent,  
But I intent to redeem the time; and how, and how  
Stand Affairs, prithee now? is the Wine good?  
Are the Women kind?  
Well, faith, a man had better be a vagabond  
In this Town, than a Justice of Peace in the  
Country: I was e'en grown a Sot for want  
Of Gentlemanlike recreations; if a man  
Do but rap out an Oath, the people start  
As if a Gun went off; and if one chance  
But to couple himself with his Neighbour's  
Daughter, without the help of the Parson of  
The Parish, and leave a little testimony of  
His kindness behind him, there is presently  
Such an uproar, that a poor man is fain to  
Fly his Country: as for drunkenness, 'tis true,  
It may be used without so and all, but the Drink  
Is so abominable, that a man would for bear it,  
For fear of being made out of love with the vice.  Cour. 
I see, Sir Oliver, you continue still your old  
Humour, and are resolved to break your sweet  
Lady's heart.  Sir Oliv. 
You do not think me sure so barbarously  
Unkind, to let her know all this; no, no, these  
Are secrets fit only to be trusted to such  
Honest Fellows as thou art.  Cour. 
Well may I, poor Sinner, be excused, since  
A Woman of such rare beauty, such incomparable  
Parts, and of such an unblemished  
Reputation, is not able to reclaim you from  
These wild courses, Sir Oliver.  Sir Oliv. 
To say the truth, she is a Wife that no man  
Need be ashamed of, Ned.  Cour. 
I vow, Sir Oliver, I must needs blame you,  
Considering how tenderly she loves you.  Sir Oliv. 
Ay, Ay, the more is her misfortune and mine  
Too Ned: I would willingly give thee a pai▪  
Of the best Coach-Horses in my Stable, so  
Thou couldst but persuade her to love me  
Less.  Cour. 
Her virtue and my friendship sufficiently  
Secure you against that, Sir Oliver.  Sir Oliv. 
I know thou wert never married; but has it  
Never been thy misfortune to have a Mistress  
Love thee thus entirely?  Cour. 
It never has been my good fortune, Sir Oliver▪  
But why do you ask this question?  Sir Oliv. 
Because then, perchance, thou mightst have  
Been a little sensible what a damned trouble it is.  Cour. 
As how, Sir Oliver?  Sir Oliv. 
Why look thee, thus: for a man cannot be  
Altogether ungrateful, sometimes one is obliged  
To kiss, and fawn, and toy, and lie fooling an hour  
Or two, when a man had rather, if it were not for  
The disgrace sake, stand all that while in the Pillory  
Paulted with rotten Eggs and Oranges.  Cour. 
This is a very hard case indeed, Sir Oliver.  Sir Oliv. 
And then the inconvenience of keeping  
Regular hours; but above all, that damned fiend  
Jealousy does so possess these passionate Lovers,  
That I protest, Ned, under the Rose be it spoken,  
If I chance to be a little prodigal in my expense  
On a private Friend or so, I am called to so strict  
An account at night, that for quietness sake I am  
Often forced to take a Dose of Cantharideses to  
Make up the sum.  Cour. 
Indeed, Sir Oliver, every thing considered,  
You are not so much to be envied as one may  
Rashly imagine.  Sir Oliv. 
Well, a pox of this tying man and woman  
Together, for better, for worse! upon my conscience  
It was but a Trick that the Clergy might have  
A feeling in the Cause.  Cour. 
I do not conceive it to be much for their  
Profit, Sir Oliver, for I dare lay a good wager,  
Let 'em but allow Christian Liberty, and they  
Shall get ten times more by Christen,  
Than they are likely to lose by Marriages.  Sir Oliv. 
Faith, thou hast hit it right, Ned; and now  
Thou talk'st of Christian Liberty, prithee let us  
Dine together to day, and be swingly merry,  
But with all secrecy.  Cour. 
I shall be glad of your good company, Sir Oliver.  Sir Oliv. 
I am to call on a very honest Fellow, whom  
I left here hard by making a Visit, Sir jossin, jolly,  
A Kinsman of my Wives, and my Neighbour in the  
Country; we call Brothers, he came up to Town  
With me, and lodgeth in the same house; he has  
Brought up a couple of the prettiest Kinswomen,  
Heiresses of a very good Fortune: would thou  
Hadst the instructing of 'em a little;  
Faith, if I am not very much mistaken,  
They are very prone to the study of the  
Mathematics.  Cour. 
I shall be beholding to you for so good an  
Acquaintance.  Sir Oliv. 
This Sir joslin is in great favour with my  
Lady, one that she has an admirable good  
Opinion of, and will trust me with him  
Any where; but to say truth, he is as arrant  
A sinner as the best of us, and will boggle at  
Nothing that becomes a man of Honour.  
We will go and get leave of my Lady;  
For it is not fit I should break out so soon  
Without her approbation, Ned.  Cour. 
By no means, Sir Oliver.  Sir Oliv. 
Where shall we meet about an hour hence?  Cour. 
At the French-house or the Bear.  Sir Oliv. 
At the French-house by all means.  Cour. 
Agreed, agreed.  Sir Oliv. 
Would thou couldst bring a fourth man.  Cour. 
What think you of Frank Freeman?  Sir Oliv. 
There cannot be a better— well—  
Servant, Ned, Servant, Ned!  Exit Sir Oliver. Cour. 
Your Servant, Sir Oliver.  
Mrs. Sentry!  Sentry in the hole. 
Is he gone?  Cour. 
Ay, Ay! you may venture to bolt now.  Sentry crawling out. 
Oh Heavens! I would not  
Endure such another fright.  Cour. 
Come, come, prithee be composed.  Sent. 
I shall not be myself again this fortnight;  
I never was in such a taking days of my life.  
To have been found false, and to one who to  
Say truth, has been always very kind  
And civil to me; but above all, I was concerned  
For my Lady's Honour—  Cour. 
Come, come— there's no harm done.  Sent. 
Ah! Mr. Courtall, you do not know Sir Oliver  
So well as I do, he has strange humours sometimes,  
And has it enough in's Nature to play the  
Tyrant, but that my Lady and myself awe him  
By our Policy.  Cour. 
Well, well, all's well; did you not hear  
What a taring Blade Sir Oliver is?  Sent. 
Ah! 'tis a vile dissembling man; how fairly  
He carries it to my Lady's face! but I dare not  
Discover him for fear of betraying myself.  Cour. 
Well, Mrs. Sentry, I must dine with 'em,  
And after I have entered them with a Beer-glass  
Or two, if I can I will slip away, and pay my  
Respects to your Lady.  Sent. 
You need not question your welcome,  
I assure you, Sir— your Servant, Sir.  Cour. 
Your Servant, Mrs. Sentry, I am very sensible  
Of this Favour, I assure you.  Sent. 
I am proud it was in my power to oblige you,  
Sir.  Exit Sentry. Cour. 
Freeman! come, come out of thy hole; how  
Hast thou been able to contain?  Free. 
Faith much ado, the Scene was very pleasant;  
But above all, I admire thy impudence,  
I could never have had the face to have wheadled  
The poor Knight so.  Cour. 
Pish, Pish, 'twas both necessary and honest;  
We ought to do all we can to confirm a  
Husband in the good opinion of his Wife.  Free. 
Pray how long, if without offence a man may  
Ask you, have you been in good grace with this Person  
Of Honour? I never knew you had that  
Commendable quality of secrecy before.  Cour. 
You are mistaken, Freeman, things go not  
As you wickedly imagine.  Free. 
Why, hast thou lost all sense of modesty?  
Dost thou think to pass these gross wheadles on  
Me too? come, come, this good news should make  
Thee a little merrier: faith, though she be an old  
Acquaintance, she has the advantage of four or five  
months' absence. 'Slid, I know not how proud  
You are, but I have thought myself very spruce  
ere now in an old Suit, that has been brushed  
And laid up a while.  Cour. 
Freeman, I know in cases of this nature thou  
Art an Infidel; but yet methinks the knowledge  
Thou hast of my sincere dealing with my  
Friends should make thee a little more confiding.  Free. 
What devilish Oath could she invent to  
Fright thee from a discovery?  Cour. 
Wilt thou believe me if I swear, the preservation  
Of her Honour has been my fault, and not hers?  Free. 
This is something.  Cour. 
Why then, know that I have still been as  
Careful to prevent all opportunities, as she has been to  
Contrive 'em; and still have carried it so like a  
Gentleman, that there has not had the least suspicion  
Of unkindness: she is the very spirit of impertinence,  
So foolishly fond and troublesome, that no man above  
Sixteen is able to endure her.  Free. 
Why did you engage thus far then?  Cour. 
Some conveniences which I had by my  
Acquaintance with the Sot her Husband, made  
Me extraordinary civil to her, which presently  
By her Ladyship was interpreted after the manner  
Of the most obliging women: this Wench came  
Hither by her Commission to day.  Free. 
With what confidence she denied it!  Cour. 
Nay, that's never wanting, I assure you;  
Now is it expected I should lay by all other  
Occasions, and watch every opportunity to wait  
Upon her; she would by her good will give her  
Lover no more jest, than a young Squire that  
Has newly set up a Coach, does his only pair of Horses.  Free. 
Faith, if it be as thou sayest, I cannot much  
Blame the hardness of thy heart: but did  
Not the Oaf talk of two young Ladies?  Cour. 
Well remembered, Frank, and now I think  
On't, 'twill be very necessary to carry on my business  
With the old one, that we may the better have  
An opportunity of being acquainted with them.  
Come, let us go and bespeak dinner, and by the  
Way consider of these weighty affairs.  Free. 
Well, since there is but little ready money  
Stirring, rather than want entertainment,  
I shall be contented to play a while upon Tick.  Cour. 
And I, provided they promise fair, and we find  
There's hopes of payment hereafter.  Free. 
Come along, come along.  Exeunt.  

SCENE II.  
Sir Oliver Cockwood's Lodging.  Enter Lady Cockwood. La. Cock. 
'Tis too late to repent: I sent her, but yet  
I cannot but be troubled to think she stay's so long;  
Sure if she has so little gratitude to let him, he has  
More honour then to attempt any thing to the  
Prejudice of my affection— Oh— Sentry, are you come?  Enter Sentry. Sent. 
Oh Madam! there has been such an accident!  La. Cock. 
Prithee do not fright me, Wench—  Sent. 
As I was discoursing with Mr. Courtal, in came  
Sir Oliver.  La. Cock. 
Oh!— I'm ruined— undone for ever!  Sent. 
You'll still be sending me on these desperate  
Errands.  La. Cock. 
I am betrayed, betrayed— by this  
False— what shall I call thee?  Sent. 
Nay, but Madam— have a little patience—  La. Cock. 
I have lost all patience, and will never  
More have any—  Sent. 
Do but hear me, all is well—  La. Cock. 
Nothing can be well, unfortunate Woman.  Sent. 
Mr. Courtall thrust me into the Wood-hole.  La. Cock. 
And did not Sir Oliver see thee?  Sent. 
He had not the least glimpse of me—  La. Cock. 
Dear Sentry— and what good news?  Sent. 
He intends to wait upon you in the  
Afternoon, Madam—  La. Cock. 
I hope you did not let him know I sent you.  Sent. 
No, no, Madam— I'll warrant you I did every  
Thing much to the advantage of your Honour.  La. Cock. 
Ah Sentry! if we could but think of some  
Lucky plot now to get Sir Oliver out of the way.  Sent. 
You need not trouble yourself about that,  
Madam, he has engaged to dine with Mr. Courtall at the  
French-house, and is bringing Sir joslin jolly to get  
Your good Will; when Mr. Courtall has fixed 'em  
With a Beer-glass or two, he intends to steal  
Away, and pay his Devotion to your Ladyship.  La. Cock. 
Truly he is a Person of much Worth  
And Honour.  Sent. 
Had you but been there, Madam, to have  
Overheard Sir Oliver's Discourse, he would have  
Made you bless yourself; there is not such another  
Wild man in the Town; all his talk was of  
Wenching, and swearing, and drinking, and tearing.  La. Cock. 
Ay, Ay, Sentry, I know he'll talk of  
Strange matters behind my back; but if he be not  
An abominable Hypocrite at home, and I am not a  
Woman easily to be deceived, he is not able  
To play the Spark abroad thus, I assure you.  Enter Sir Oliver, and Sir Joslin, Sir Joslin singing 
My dearest Dear, this is kindly done of thee  
To come home again thus quickly.  Sir Oliv. 
Nay, my Dear, thou shalt never have any  
Just cause to accuse me of unkindness.  La. Cock. 
Sir joslin, now you are a good man, and  
I shall trust you with Sir Oliver again.  Sir jos. 
Nay, if I ever break my word with a Lady,  
I will be delivered bound to Mrs. Sentry here,  
And she shall have leave to carve me for a Capon.  Sent. 
Do you think I have a heart cruel enough  
For such a bloody execution?  Sir jos. 
Kindly spoke i'faith, Girl, I'll give thee  
A Buss for that.  Kisses her. La. Cock. 
Fie, fie, Sir joslin, this is not seemly in my  
Presence.  Sir jos. 
We have all our failings, Lady, and this is  
Mine: a right bred Greyhound can as well forbear  
Running after a Hare when he sees her, as I can  
Mumbling a pretty Wench when she comes in my way.  La. Cock. 
I have heard indeed you are a perilous man,  
Sir joslin.  Sir jos. 
I seldom brag, Lady, but for a true Cock of  
The Game, little joslin dares match with the best of 'em▪  Sir Oliv. 
Sir Ioslin's merry, my Dear.  La. Cock. 
Ay, Ay, if he should be wicked, I know  
Thou art too much a Gentleman to offer an injury  
To thine own dear Lady.  Sir jos. 
Faith, Madam, you must give my  
Brother Cockwood leave to dine abroad to day.  La. Cock. 
I protest, Sir joslin, you begin to make  
Me hate you too; well, you are e'en grown as bad  
As the worst of 'em, you are still robbing me of  
The sweet Society of Sir Oliver.  Sir jos. 
Come, come, your Discipline is too  
Severe, i'faith Lady.  La. Cock. 
Sir Oliver may do what he pleases, Sir,  
He knows I have ever been his obedient Lady.  Sir Oliv. 
Prithee, my Dear, be not angry, Sir  
joseph was so earnest in his invitation, that none  
But a Clown could have refused him.  Sir jos. 
Ay, Ay, we dine at my Uncle Sir  
joseph Iolly's, Lady.  La. Cock. 
Will you be sure now to be a good  
Dear, and not drink, nor stay out late?  Sir jos. 
I'll engage for all, and if there be no  
Harm in a merry Catch or a waggish Story—  Enter Ariana and Mrs. Gatty. 
Ha', ha'! Sly-girl and Madcap, are you got up?  
I know what you have been meditating on;  
But never trouble your heads, let me  
Alone to bring you consolation.  Gat. 
We have often been beholding to you,  
Sir; for every time he's drunk, he brings us  
Home a couple of fresh Servants.  Sir Oliv. 
Well, farewel my Dear, prithee do not  
Sigh thus, but make thee ready, visit, and be merry▪  La. Cock. 
I shall receive most satisfaction  
In my Chamber.  Sir jos. 
Come, come along, Brother: farewel  
One and all, Lady and Sly-girl, Sly-girl and Madcap,  
Your Servant, your Servant—  Ex. Sir Oliver and Sir Joslin singing▪ La. Cock. 
to Sentry aside. Sentry, is the new Point I  
Bought come home, and is every thing in a readiness?  Sent. 
Every thing, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Come, come up quickly then, Girl, and  
Dress me.  Ex. La. Cock. and Sentry. Aria. 
Dost not thou wonder, Gatty, she should be  
So strangely fond of this Coxcomb?  Gat. 
Well, if she does not dissemble, may I still  
Be discovered when I do; didst thou not see how▪  
Her Countenance changed, as soon as ever their  
Backs were turned, and how earnestly she whispered  
With her Woman? there is some weighty affair  
In hand, I warrant thee: my dear Ariana, how  
Glad am I we are in this Town again.  Aria. 
But we have left the benefit of the fresh  
Air, and the delight of wand'ring in the  
Pleasant Groves.  Gat. 
Very pretty things for a young Gentlewoman  
To bemoan the loss of indeed, that's newly come to a  
Relish of the good things of this world.  Aria. 
Very good, Sister!  Gatty. 
Why, hast not thou promised me a thousand  
Times, to leave off this demureness?  Aria. 
But you are so quick.  Gatty. 
Why, would it not make any one mad to hear  
Thee bewail the loss of the Country? speak  
But one grave word more, and it shall be my daily  
Prayers thou may'st have a jealous Husband, and then  
You'll have enough of it I warrant you.  Aria. 
It may be, if your tongue be not altogether  
So nimble, I may be conformable; But I hope  
You do not intent we shall play such mad Reaks  
As we did last Summer?  Gatty. 
'Slife, dost thou think we come here to be  
Mewed up, and take only the liberty of going from our  
Chamber to the Dining-Room, and from the  
Dining-Room to our Chamber again? and like a  
Bird in a Cage, with two Perches only, to hop  
Up and down, up and down?  Aria. 
Well, thou art a mad Wench.  Gatty. 
Wouldst thou never have us go to a Play  
But with our grave Relations, never take the air but  
With our grave Relations? to feed their pride,  
And make the world believe it is in their power  
To afford some Gallant or other a good bargain?  Aria. 
But I am afraid we shall be known again.  Gatty. 
Pish! the men were only acquainted with  
Our Vizards and our Petticoats, and they are wore  
Out long since: how I envy that Sex! well! we  
Cannot plague 'em enough when we have it in  
Our power for those privileges which custom  
Has allowed 'em above us.  Aria. 
The truth is, they can run and ramble here,  
And there, and every where, and we poor Fools  
Rather think the better of 'em.  Gatty. 
From one Playhouse, to the other Playhouse,  
And if they like neither the Play nor the Women,  
They seldom stay any longer than the combing  
Of their Periwigs, or a whisper or two with a  
Friend; and then they cock their Caps, and out they  
Strut again.  Aria. 
But whatsoever we do, prithee now let us  
Resolve to be mighty honest.  Gatty. 
There I agree with thee.  Aria. 
And if we find the Gallants like lawless  
Subjects, who the more their Princes grant,  
The more they impudently crave.  Gatty. 
We'll become absolute Tyrants, and deprive  
'Em of all the privileges we gave 'em—  Aria. 
Upon these conditions I am contented to trail  
A Pike under thee— march along Girl.  Exeunt.   

ACT II.  

SCENE I.  
The Mulberry-Garden.  Enter Courtal and Freeman. Court. 
WAs there ever a couple of Fops better matched  
Than these two Knights are?  Free. 
They are Harp and Violin, Nature has so  
Tuned 'em, as if she intended they should  
Always play the Fool in Consort.  Court. 
Now is Sir Oliver secure, for he dares not go  
Home till he's quite drunk, and then he grows  
Valiant, insults, and defies his sweet Lady;  
For which with Prayers and Tears he's forced  
To feign a bitter repentance the next morning.  Free. 
What do we here idling in the Mulberry-Garden?  
Why do not we make this visit then?  Court. 
Now art thou as mad upon this trail, as if  
We were upon a hot scent.  Free. 
Since we know the bush, why do we not start  
The Game?  Court. 
Gently, good Frank; first know that the laws  
Of Honour prescribed in such nice cases, will not  
Allow me to carry thee along with me; and next,  
Hast thou so little wit to think, that a discreet  
Lady that has had the experience of so much humane  
Frailty, can have so good an opinion of the constancy  
Of her Servant, as to lead him into temptation?  Free. 
Then we must not hope her Ladyship should  
Make us acquainted with these Gentlewomen.  Cour. 
Thou may'st as reasonably expect, that an old  
Rook should bring a young Snap acquainted  
With his Bubble; but advantages may be  
Hereafter made, by my admission into the Family.  Free. 
What is to be done then?  Cour. 
Why, look you, thus I have contrived it:  
Sir Oliver, when I began to grow resty, that he  
Might incline me a little more to drunkenness,  
In my ear discovered to me the humour of  
His dear friend Sir joslin: he assured me, that  
When he was in that good natured condition,  
To requite their courtesy, he always carried  
The good Company home with him, and  
Recommended them to his Kinswomen.  Free. 
Very good!  Court. 
Now after the fresh air has breathed on us  
A while, and expelled the vapours of the Wine  
We have drunk, thou shalt return to these  
Two Sots, whom we left at the French-house,  
According to our promise, and tell 'em, I am a  
Little stayed by some unlucky business, and  
Will be with 'em presently; thou wilt find 'em  
Tired with long fight, weak and unable to observe  
Their Order; charge 'em briskly, and in a moment  
Thou shalt rout 'em, and with little or no damage  
To thyself gain an absolute Victory.  Free. 
Very well!  Court. 
In the mean time I will make my visit to the  
Longing Lady, and order my business so  
Handsomely, that I will be with thee again immediately,  
To make an Experiment of the good humour of  
Sir joslin.  Free. 
Let's about it.  Court. 
'Tis yet too early, we must drill away a little  
Time here, that my excuses may be more probable,  
And my persecution more tolerable.  Enter Ariana and Gatty with Vizards, and pass nimbly over the Stage. Free. 
Ha', ha'— how wantonly they trip it! there is  
Temptation enough in their very gate, to  
Stir up the courage of an old Alderman:  
Prithee let us follow 'em.  Cour. 
I have been so often balked with these Vizard-  
Masks, that I have at least a dozen times  
Forsworn 'em; they are a most certain sign  
Of an ill face, or what is worse, an old  
Acquaintance.  Free. 
The truth is, nothing but some such weighty  
Reason, is able to make women deny themselves  
The pride they have to be seen.  Cour. 
The Evening's fresh and pleasant, and yet  
There is but little company.  Free. 
Our Course will be the better, these Deer  
●●●not herd: come, come man, let's follow.  
〈…〉 I find it is a mere folly to forswear any  
〈…〉 does but make the Devil the more  
〈…〉 temptation.  They go after the Women. Enter Women again, and cross the Stage. Aria. 
Now if these should prove two men of War  
That are crusing here, to watch for Prizes.  Gatty. 
Would they had courage enough to set upon  
Us; I long to be engaged.  Aria. 
Look, look yonder, I protest they chase us.  Gatty. 
Let us bear away then; if they be truly valiant  
They'll quickly make more Sail, and board us.  The Women go out, and go about behind the Scenes to the other Door. Enter Courtall and Freeman. Free. 
'Sdeath, how fleet they are! whatsoever faults  
They have, they cannot be broken-winded.  Cour. 
Sure, by that little mincing step they  
Should be Country Fillies that have been breathed  
At Course a Park, and Barleybreak: we shall  
Never reach 'em.  Free. 
I'll follow directly, do thou turn down the  
Cross-walk and meet 'em.  Enter the Women, and after 'em Courtal at the lower Door, and Free, at the upper on the contrary side. Cour. 
By your leave, Ladies'—  Gatty. 
I perceive you can make bold enough  
Without it.  Free. 
Your Servant, Ladies'—  Aria. 
Or any other Ladies that will give themselves  
The trouble to entertain you.  Free. 
'Slife, their tongues are as nimble as their heels.  Cour. 
Can you have so little good nature to dash  
A couple of bashful young men out of countenance,  
Who came out of pure love to tender  
You their service?  Gatty. 
'Twere pity to balk 'em, Sister.  Aria. 
Indeed methinks they look as if they never  
Had been slipped before.  Free. 
Yes faith, we have had many a fair course  
In this Paddock, have been very well fleshed,  
And dare boldly fasten.  They kiss their hands with a little force. Aria. 
Well, I am not the first unfortunate woman  
That has been forced to give her hand, where  
She never intends to bestow her heart  Gatty. 
Now, do you think 'tis a bargain already?  Cour. 
Faith, would there were some lusty earnest  
Given, for fear we should unluckily break  
Off again.  Free. 
Are you so wild that you must be hooded thus?  Cour. 
Fie, fie, put off these scandals to all good Faces.  Gatty. 
For your reputations' sake we shall keep 'em  
On: 'slife we should be taken for your Relations,  
If we durst show our Faces with you thus  
Publicly.  Aria. 
And what a shame that would be to a couple  
Of young Gallants▪ methinks you should blush  
To think on't.  Cour. 
These were pretty toys, invented, first, merely  
For the good of us poor Lovers to deceive  
The jealous, and to blind the malicious; but  
The proper use is so wickedly perverted,  
That it makes all honest men hate the  
Fashion mortally.  Free. 
A good Face is as seldom covered with a Vizard-  
Mask, as a good Hat with an oiled Case:  
And yet on my Conscience, you are both  
Handsome.  Court. 
Do but remove 'em a little, to satisfy a foolish  
Scruple.  Aria. 
This is a just punishment you have brought  
Upon yourselves, by that unpardonable  
Sin of talking.  Gatty. 
You can only brag now of your acquaintance  
With a Farendon Gown, and a piece  
Of black Velvet.  Cour. 
The truth is, there are some vain fellows  
Whose lose behaviour of late has given  
Great discouragement to the honourable proceed  
Of all virtuous Ladies.  Free. 
But I hope you have more charity, than  
To believe us of the number of the wicked.  Aria. 
There's not a man of you to be trusted.  Gatty. 
What a shame is it to your whole Sex,  
That a Woman is more fit to be a Privy-  
Counsellor, than a young Gallant a Lover?  Cour. 
This is a pretty kind of fooling, Ladies, for  
Men that are idle; but you must bid a  
Little fairer, if you intent to keep us  
From our serious business.  Gatty. 
Truly you seem to be men of great  
Employment, that are every moment rattling from  
The Eating-Houses to the Playhouses, from the  
Playhouses to the Mulberry-Garden, that  
Live in a perpetual hurry, and have little  
Leisure for such an idle entertainment.  Cour. 
Now would not I see thy face for the world;  
If it should but be half so good as thy humour,  
Thou wouldst dangerously tempt me to dote  
Upon thee, and forgetting all shame, become  
Constant.  Free. 
I perceive, by your fooling here, that wit and  
Good humour may make a man in love with  
A Blackamoor. That the Devil should contrive  
It so, that we should have earnest business now.  Cour. 
Would they would but be so kind to meet us  
Here again to morrow.  Gatty. 
You are full of business, and 'twould but  
Take you off of your employments.  Aria. 
And we are very unwilling to have the sin to  
Answer for, of ruining a couple of such  
Hopeful young men.  Free. 
Must we then despair?  Aria. 
The Ladies you are going to, will not be so  
Hardhearted.  Cour. 
to Free. On my Conscience, they love us, and  
Begin to grow jealous already.  Free. 
Who knows but this may prove the luckier  
Adventure of the two?  Cour. 
Come, come, we know you have a mind to  
Meet us: we cannot see you blush, speak it out  
Boldly.  Gatty. 
Will you swear then, not to visit any other  
Women before that time?  Aria. 
Not that we are jealous, but because we would  
Not have you tired with the impertinent  
Conversation of our Sex, and come to us dull  
And out of humour.  Cour. 
Invent an Oath, and let it be so horrid  
'Twould make an Atheist start to hear it.  Free. 
And I will swear it readily, that I will not  
So much as speak to a woman, till I  
Speak to you again.  Gatty. 
But are you troubled with that foolish  
Scruple of keeping an Oath?  Free. 
O most religiously!  Cour. 
And may we not enlarge our hopes upon a  
Little better acquaintance?  Aria. 
You see all the freedom we allow.  Gatty. 
It may be we may be entreated to hear a  
Fiddle, or mingle in a Country Dance, or so.  Cour. 
Well! we are in too desperate a condition  
To stand upon Articles, and are resolved to  
Yield on any terms.  Free. 
Be sure you be punctual now!  Aria. 
Will you be sure?  Cour. 
Or else may we become a couple of credulous  
Coxcombs, and be Jilted ever after.  
— Your Servants, Ladies.  Ex. Men. Aria. 
I wonder what they think of us!  Gat. 
You may easily imagine; for they are not of  
A humour so little in fashion, to believe the best:  
I assure you the most favourable opinion they can  
Have, is that we are still a little wild, and stand in  
Need of better manning.  Aria. 
Prithee, dear Girl, what dost think of 'em?  Gat. 
Faith so well, that I'm ashamed to tell thee.  Aria. 
Would I had never seen 'em!  Gat. 
Ha! Is it come to that already?  Aria. 
Prithee, let's walk a turn or two  
More, and talk of 'em.  Gat. 
Let us take care than we are not too particular  
In their commendations, lest we should discover  
We entrench upon one another's inclinations,  
And so grow quarrelsome.  Exeunt.  

SCENE II.  
Sir Oliver's Lodgings.  Enter Lady Cockwood and Sentry. Sent. 
Dear Madam, do not afflict yourself thus  
Unreasonably; I dare lay my life, it is not want  
Of devotion, but opportunity that stays him.  La. Cock. 
Ingrateful man! to be so insensible  
Of a Lady's passion!  Sent. 
If I thought he were so wicked, I should  
Hate him strangely— but, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Do not speak one word in his behalf,  
I am resolved to forget him; perfidious Mortal,  
To abuse so sweet an opportunity!  Sent. 
Hark, here is some body coming up stairs.  La. Cock. 
Peace, he may yet redeem his Honour.  Enter Courtall. Court. 
Your humble Servant, Madam.  La. Cock. 
starting. Mr. Courtall, for Heaven sake  
How came you hither?  Court. 
Guided by my good Fortune, Madam—  
Your Servant, Mrs. Sentry.  Sent. 
Your humble Servant, Sir; I protest you made  
Me start too, to see you come in thus unexpectedly.  La. Cock. 
I did not imagine it could be known  
I was in Town yet.  Court. 
Sir Oliver did me the favour to make me  
A Visit, and dine with me to day, which brought  
Me to the knowledge of this happiness, Madam;  
And as soon as I could possibly, I got the  
Freedom to come hither and enjoy it.  La. Cock. 
You have ever been extreme obliging, Sir.  Sent. 
'Tis a worthy Gentleman, how punctual  
He is to my directions!  Aside. La. Cock. 
Will you be pleased to repose, Sir?  
Sentry, set some Chairs.  Exit Sentry. Court. 
With much difficulty, Madam, I broke  
Out of my Company, and was forced by the  
Importunity of one Sir joslin jolly, I think they  
Call him, to engage my Honour I would  
Return again immediately.  La. Cock. 
You must not so soon rob me  
Of so sweet a satisfaction.  Court. 
No consideration, Madam, could take  
Me from you, but that I know my stay at this  
Time must needs endanger your Honour; and how  
Often I have denied myself the greatest satisfaction  
In the world, to keep that unblemished, you  
Yourself can witness.  La. Cock. 
Indeed I have often had great trials  
Of your Generosity, in those many misfortunes  
That have attended our innocent affections.  Court. 
Sir Oliver, Madam, before I did perceive  
It, was got near that pitch of drunkenness,  
Which makes him come reeling home, and  
Unmanfully insult over your Ladyship; and how  
Subject he is then to injure you with an unjust  
Suspicion, you have often told me; which makes  
Me careful not to be surprised here.  La. Cock. 
Repose yourself a little, but a little,  
Dear Sir: these virtuous Principles make you worthy to be  
Trusted with a Lady's Honour: indeed Sir Oliver  
Has his failings; yet I protest, Mr. Courtall, I love  
Him dearly, but cannot be altogether unsensible  
Of your generous passion.  Court. 
Ay, Ay, I am a very passionate Lover!  Aside. 
Indeed this escape has only given me leisure  
To look upon my happiness.  La. Cock. 
Is my Woman retired?  Court. 
Most dutifully, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Then let me tell you, Sir— yet we  
May make very good use of it.  Court. 
Now am I going to be drawn in again.  Aside. La. Cock. 
If Sir Oliver be in that indecent condition  
You speak of, to morrow he will be very submissive,  
As it is meet for so great a misdemeanour; then  
Can I, feigning a desperate discontent, take  
My own freedom without the least suspicion.  Court. 
This is very luckily and obligingly  
Thought on, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Now if you will be pleased to  
Make an assignation, Sir.  Court. 
To morrow about ten a clock in the  
Lower walk of the New Exchange, out of which  
We can quickly pop into my Coach.  La. Cock. 
But I am still so pestered with my Woman,  
I dare not go without her; on my conscience  
She's very sincere, but it is not good to trust our  
Reputations too much to the frailty of a Servant.  Court. 
I will bring my Chariot, Madam,  
That will hold but two.  La. Cock. 
O most ingeniously imagined, dear Sir! for  
By that means I shall have a just Excuse to give her  
Leave to see a Relation, and bid her stay  
There till I call her.  Court. 
It grieves me much to leave you so soon,  
Madam; but I shall comfort myself with the  
Thoughts of the happiness you have made me hope for.  La. Cock. 
I wish it were in my power eternally  
To oblige you, dear Sir.  Court. 
Your humble Servant, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Your humble Servant, sweet Sir.  Exit Courtall. 
Sentry— why Sentry— where are you?  Enter Sentry. Sent. 
Here, Madam.  La. Cock. 
What a strange thing is this! will you  
Never take warning, but still be leaving me alone  
In these suspicious occasions?  Sent. 
I was but in the next room, Madam.  La. Cock. 
What may Mr. Courtall think of my  
Innocent intentions? I protest if you serve me  
So again, I shall be strangely angry: you should  
Have more regard to your Lady's Honour.  Sent. 
If I stay in the room, she will not speak  
Kindly to me in a week after; and if I go out, she  
Always chides me thus: this is a strange infirmity  
She has, but I must bear with it; for on my  
Conscience, custom has made it so natural,  
She cannot help it.  La. Cock. 
Are my Cousins come home yet?  Sent. 
Not yet, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Dost thou know whither they went  
This Evening?  Sent. 
I heard them say they would go take  
The Air, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Well, I see it is impossible with virtuous  
Counsel to reclaim them; truly they are so careless  
Of their own, I could wish Sir joslin would remove  
'Em, for fear they should bring an unjust  
Imputation on my Honour.  Enter Ariana and Gatty. Sent. 
Heavens forbidden, Madam!  La. Cock. 
Your Servant, Cousins.  Amb. 
Your Servant, Madam.  La. Cock. 
How have you spent the cool of the  
Evening?  Gat. 
As the custom is, Madam, breathing the  
Fresh Air in the Park and Mulberry-Garden.  La. Cock. 
Without the Company of a Relation,  
Or some discreet body to justify your reputations  
To the world— you are young, and may be yet  
Insensible of it; but this is a strange censorious Age,  
I assure you.  Noise of Music without. Aria. 
Hark! what music's this?  Gat. 
I'll lay my life my Uncle's drunk, and hath  
Picked us up a couple of worthy Servants,  
And brought them home with him in Triumph.  Enter the Music playing, Sir Oliver strutting, and swaggering, Sir Joslin singing, and dancing with Mr. Courtall, and Mr. Freeman in each hand: Gatty and Ariana seeing Courtall and Freeman shrick and— Exeunt. Sir jos. 
Heyday! I told you they were a couple of  
Skittish Fillies, but I never knew 'em boggle  
At a man before; I'll fetch 'em again I warrant  
You, Boys.  Exit after them. Free. 
to Court. These are the very selfsame Gowns  
And Petticoats.  Court. 
Their surprise confirms us it must be them.  Free. 
'Slife, we have betrayed ourselves  
Very pleasantly.  Court. 
Now am I undone to all intents and purposes,  
For they will innocently discover all to my Lady,  
And she will have no mercy.  Sir Oliv. 
Dan, Dan, Da ra, Dan, etc.  Strutting. 
Avoid my presence, the very sight of that face  
Makes me more impotent than an Eunuch.  La. Cock. 
Dear Sir Oliver!  Offering to embrace him. Sir Oliv. 
Forbear your conjugal clippings,  
I will have a Wench, thou shalt fetch me a  
Wench, Sentry.  Sent. 
Can you be so inhuman to my dear Lady?  Sir Oliv. 
Peace, Envy, or I will have thee executed  
For petty Treason; thy skin flayed off, stuffed and  
Hung up in my Hall in the Country, as a  
Terror to my whole Family.  Court. 
What Crime can deserve this horrid  
Punishment?  Sir Oliv. 
I'll tell thee, Ned: 'twas my Fortune  
Tother day to have an Intrigue with a Tinker's  
Wife in the Country, and this malicious Slut  
Betrayed the very Ditch where we used to  
Make our assignations, to my Lady.  Free. 
She deserves your anger indeed, Sir Oliver:  
But be not so unkind to your virtuous Lady.  Sir Oliv. 
Thou dost not know her, Frank; I have  
Had a design to break her heart ever since the  
First month that I had her, and 'tis so tough,  
That I have not yet cracked one string on't.  Court. 
You are too unmerciful, Sir Oliver.  Sir Oliv. 
Hang her, Ned, by wicked Policy she  
Would usurp my Empire, and in her heart is a  
Very Pharaoh; for every night she's a putting  
Me upon making Brick without straw.  Court. 
I cannot see a virtuous Lady so afflicted,  
Without offering her some consolation:  
Dear Madam, is it not as I told you?  Aside to her. La. Cock. 
The Fates could not have been more  
Propitious, and I shall not be wanting to the  
Furthering of our mutual happiness.  To Court. aside. Enter Sir Joslin, with Ariana and Gatty in each hand, dancing and singing. 

CATCH.  
This is sly and pretty,  
And this is wild and witty;  
If either stayed  
Till she died a Maid,  
I faith 'twould be great pity.   Sir jos. 
Here they are, Boy's, i'faith, and now little  
Ioslin's a man of his word. Heuk! Sly-girl and  
Madcap, to 'em, to 'em, to 'em, Boys, Alou!  Flings 'em to Courtall and Freeman, who kiss their hands. 
What's yonder, your Lady in tears, Brother Cockwood?  
Come, come, I'll make up all breaches.  He sings— And we'll all be merry and frolic. 
Fie, fie, though man and wife are seldom in good  
Humour alone, there are few want the discretion  
To dissemble it in Company.  Sir Joslin, Sir Oliver, and Lady stand talking together. Free. 
I knew we should surprise you, Ladies'.  Court. 
Faith I thought this Conjuring to be but  
A mere Jest till now, and could not believe the  
Astrological Rascal had been so skilful.  Free. 
How exactly he described 'em, and how  
Punctual he was in his directions to apprehend 'em!  Gat. 
Then you have been with a Conjurer,  
Gentlemen.  Court. 
You cannot blame us, Ladies, the loss of  
Our hearts was so considerable, that it may well  
Excuse the indirect means we took to find out  
The pretty Thiefs that stole 'em.  Aria. 
Did not I tell you what men of business  
These were, Sister?  Gat. 
I vow I innocently believed they had some  
Pre-engagement to a Scrivener or a Surgeon,  
And wished 'em so well, that I am sorry  
To find 'em so perfidious.  Free. 
Why, we have kept our Oaths, Ladies.  Aria. 
You are much beholding to Providence.  Gat. 
But we are more, Sister; for had we once  
Been deluded into an opinion they had been  
Faithful, who knows into what inconveniences  
That error might have drawn us?  Court. 
Why should you be so unreasonable, Ladies,  
To expect that from us, we should scarce  
Have hoped for from you? fie, fie, the keeping  
Of one's word is a thing below the honour  
Of a Gentleman.  Free. 
A poor shift! fit only to uphold the  
Reputation of a paltry Citizen.  Sir jos. 
Come, come, all will be well again,  
I warrant you, Lady.  La. Cock. 
These are insupportable injuries, but I will  
Bear 'em with an invincible patience, and to morrow  
Make him dearly sensible how unworthy he has been.  Sir jos. 
To morrow my Brother Cockwood will  
Be another man— So, Boys, and how do you like  
The flesh and blood of the Jollies— Heuk, Sly-  
Girl— and Madcap, hay— come, come, you have  
Herd them exercise their tongues a while; now  
You shall see them ply their feet a little: this is  
A clean Limbed wench, and has neither spavin,  
Splinter, nor Wind-gall; tune her a Jig, and played  
Roundly, you shall see her bounce it away like a  
Nimble Frigate before a fresh gale— hay, methinks I  
See her under Sail already.  Gat. dances a jig. Sir jos. 
hay my little Madcap— here's a Girl of  
The true breed of the Jollies, i'faith— But hark you,  
Hark you, a Consultation, Gentlemen— Bear up,  
Brother Cockwood, a little: what think you,  
If we pack these idle Huswives to bed now,  
And retire into a room by ourselves, and have  
A merry Catch, and a Bottle or two of the  
Best, and perfect the good work we have  
So unanimously carried on to day?  Sir Oliv. 
A most admirable Intrigue— tan, dan,  
Da, ra, dan; come, come, march to your several  
Quarters: go, we have sent for a civil person or two,  
And are resolved to fornicate in private.  La. Cock. 
This is a barbarous return of  
All my kindness.  Free. Cour. 
Your humble Servant, Madam.  Ex. La. Cock. and Sent. Cour. 
Hark you! hark you! Lady's do not harbour  
Too ill an opinion of us, for faith, when you have  
Had a little more experience of the world, you'll  
Find we are no such abominable Rascals.  Gatty. 
We shall be so charitable to think no worse  
Of you, than we do of all Mankind for your  
Sakes, only that you are perjured, perfidious,  
Inconstant, ingrateful.  Free. 
Nay, nay, that's enough in all conscience Ladies,  
And now you are sensible what a shameful thing  
It is to break one's word, I hope you ' le be more  
Careful to keep yours to morrow.  Gatty. 
Invent an Oath, and let it be so horrid—  Cour. 
Nay, nay, it is too late for raillery, i'faith, Ladies.  Gatty. Aria. 
Well, your Servant then.  Free. Cour. 
Your Servant, Ladies.  Sir Oliv. 
Now the Enemy's marched out—  Sir josl. 
Then the Castle's our own Boys— hay.  

And here and there I had her,  
And every where I had her,  
Her toy was such, that every touch  
Would make a Lover madder.   Free. Cour. 
hay brave Sir joslin!  Sir Oliver. 
Ah my dear little witty joslin, let me  
Hug thee.  Sir joslin. 
Strike up you obstreperous Rascals, and  
March along before us.  Exeunt sing and Dancing. 
The end of the Second Act.    


ACT III. SCENE I.  
The New-Exchange.  Mrs. Trinckit sitting in a Shop, people passing by as in the Exchange. Mrs. Trinc. 
WHat d'ye buy? what d'ye lack, Gentlemen?  
Gloves, Ribbons, and Essences; Ribbons,  
Gloves, and Essences?  Enter Mr. Courtall. Mr. Courtall! 
I thought you had a quarrel  
To the Change, and were resolved we should never  
See you here again.  Cour. 
Your unkindness indeed, Mrs. Trinket, had  
Been enough to make a man banish himself  
For ever.  Enter Mrs. Gazet. Trinc. 
Look you, yonder comes fine Mrs. Gazet, thither  
You intended your visit, I am sure.  Gaz. 
Mr. Courtall! your Servant.  Cour. 
Your Servant, Mrs. Gazet.  Gaz. 
This happiness was only meant to  
Mrs. Trinckit, had it not been my good Fortune  
To pass by, by chance, I should have lost  
My share on't.  Cour. 
This is too cruel, Mrs. Gazet, when all the  
Unkindness is on your side, to rally your Servant  
Thus.  Gaz. 
I vow this tedious absence of yours made  
Me believe you intended to try an Experiment  
On my poor heart, to discover that hidden secret,  
How long a despairing Lover may languish  
Without the sight of the party.  Cour. 
You are always very pleasant on this  
Subject, Mrs. Gazet.  Gaz. 
And have not you reason to be so too?  Cour. 
Not that I know of.  Gaz. 
Yes, you hear the good news.  Cour. 
What good news?  Gaz. 
How well this dissembling becomes you!  
But now I think better on't, it cannot  
Concern you, you are more a Gentleman, than  
To have an amour last longer than an Easter  
Term with a Country Lady; and yet there  
Are some I see as well in the Country as in  
The City, that have a pretty way of Huswifing  
A Lover, and can spin an intrigue out a great  
Deal farther, than others are willing to do.  Cour. 
What pretty art have they, good Mrs. Gazet?  Gaz. 
When Tradesmen see themselves in an ill  
Condition, and are afraid of breaking, can they do  
Better than to take in a good substantial  
Partner, to help to carry on their trading?  Cour. 
Sure you have been at Riddle me, riddle me,  
Lately, you are so wondrous witty.  Gaz. 
And yet I believe my Lady Cockwood is so  
Haughty, she had rather give over the vanity of an  
Intrigue, than take in a couple of young  
Handsome Kinswomen to help to maintain it.  Cour. 
I knew it would out at last; indeed it is the  
Principle of most good women that love Gaming,  
When they begin to grow a little out of play  
Themselves, to make an interest in some  
Young Gamester or other, in hopes to rook  
A favour now and then: but you are quite out  
In your policy, my Lady Cockwood is none of  
These, I assure you—  
Hark you, Mrs. Gazet, you must needs bestir  
Yourself a little for me this morning, or else  
Heaven have mercy on a poor sinner.  Gaz. 
I hope this wicked woman has no design  
Upon your body already: alas! I pity your  
Tender conscience.  Cour. 
I have always made thee my Confident, and  
Now I come to thee as to a faithful Counsellor.  Gaz. 
State your Case.  Cour. 
Why, this ravenous Kite is upon wing already,  
Is fetching a little compass, and will be  
Here within this half hour to swoop me  
Away.  Gaz. 
And you would have me your Scarecrow?  Cour. 
Something of that there is in't; she is still  
Your Customer.  Gaz. 
I have furnished her and the young Ladies with  
A few fashionable toys since they came  
To Town, to keep 'em in countenance at a  
Play, or in the Park.  Cour. 
I would have thee go immediately to the  
Young Ladies, and by some device or other  
Entice 'em hither.  Gaz. 
I came just now from taking measure of 'em  
For a couple of Handkerchiefs.  Cour. 
How unlucky's this!  Gaz. 
They were calling for their Hoods and Scarves,  
And are coming hither to lay out a little Money  
In Ribbons and Essences: I have recommended  
Them to Mrs. Trinckits Shop here.  Cour. 
This falls out more luckily than what I had  
Contrived myself, or could have done; for here  
Will they be busy just before the Door, where  
We have made our appointment: but if this  
Long-winged Devil should chance to truss me  
Before they come.  Gaz. 
I will only step up and give some directions  
To my Maid, about a little business that is in  
Haste, and come down again and watch her; if you  
Are snapped, I'll be with you presently, and rescue  
You I warrant you, or at least stay you till  
More company come: she dares not force you  
Away in my sight; she knows I am great with  
Sir Oliver, and as malicious a Devil as the best  
Of 'em— your Servant, Sir.  Ex. Gazet. Enter Freeman. Cour. 
Freeman! 'tis well you are come.  Free. 
Well! what Counterplot? what hopes of  
Dis-appointing the old, and of seeing the young  
Ladies? I am ready to receive your Orders.  Cour. 
Faith, things are not so well contrived as I  
Can have wished 'em, and yet I hope by  
The help of Mrs. Gazet to keep my word,  
Franck.  Free. 
Nay, now I know what tool thou hast made  
Choice of, I make no question but the business  
Will go well forward; but I am afraid  
This last unlucky business has so distasted  
These young Trout, they will not be so easily  
Tickled as they might have been.  Cour. 
Never fear it; whatsoever women say, I am sure  
They seldom think the worse of a man, for  
Running at all, 'tis a sign of youth and high  
Metal, and makes them rather piquee, who shall  
Tame him: that which troubles me most, is, we  
Lost the hopes of variety, and a single intrigue  
In Love is as dull as a single Plot in a Play,  
And will tyre a Lover worse, than t'other does  
An Audience.  Free. 
We cannot be long without some underplots  
In this Town, let this be our main design,  
And if we are any thing fortunate in our contrivance,  
We shall make it a pleasant Comedy.  Cour. 
Leave all things to me, and hope the best:  
Be gone, for I expect their coming immediately;  
Walk a turn or two above, or fool a while  
With pretty Mrs. Anvil, and scent your Eyebrows  
And Periwig with a little Essence of Oranges,  
Or Jessimine; and when you see us all together  
At Mrs. Gazettes Shop, put in as it were by chance:  
I protest yonder comes the old Haggard, to your  
Post quickly: 'sdeath, where's Gazet and these  
Young Ladies now  Ex Free. Enter Lady Cockwood, and Sentry. 
O Madam, I have waited here at least an hour, and  
Time seems very tedious, when it delays so great  
A happiness as you bring with you.  La. Cock. 
I vow, Sir, I did but stay to give Sir Oliver  
His due correction for those unseemly injuries  
He did me last night. Is your Coach ready?  Cour. 
Yes, Madam: but how will you dispose of  
Your Maid?  La. Cock. 
My Maid! for Heaven's sake, what do you  
Mean, Sir? do I ever use to go abroad without her?  Cour. 
'Tis upon no design, Madam, I speak it, I  
Assure you; but my Glass-Coach broke last night,  
And I was forced to bring my Chariot, which can hold  
But two.  La. Cock. 
O Heaven! you must excuse me, dear Sir,  
For I shall deny myself the sweetest recreations  
In the world, rather than yield to any thing that  
May bring a blemish upon my spotless Honour.  Enter Gazet, Gaz. 
Your humble Servant, Madam.  
Your Servant, Mr. Courtall.  Lady. and Cour. 
Your Servant, Mrs. Gazet.  Gaz. 
I am extreme glad to see your Ladyship here,  
I intended to send my Maid to your Lodgings  
This Afternoon, Madam, to tell you I have a  
Parcel of new Lace come in, the prettiest Patterns  
That ever were seen; for I am very desirous so  
Good a Customer as your Ladyship should see 'em  
First, and have your choice.  La. Cock. 
I am much beholding to you, Mrs. Gazet,  
I was newly come into the Exchange, and intended  
To call at your Shop before I went home.  Enter Ariana and Gatty, Gazet goes to 'em. Cour. 
'Sdeath, here are your Cousins too! now there  
Is no hope left for a poor unfortunate  
Lover to comfort himself withal.  La. Cock. 
Will Fate never be more propitious?  Aria. Gatty. 
Your Servant, Madam.  La. Cock. 
I am newly come into the Exchange, and  
By chance met with Mr. Courtall here, who will needs  
Give himself the trouble, to play the Gallant, and  
Wait upon me.  Gatty. 
Does your Ladyship come to buy?  La. Cock. 
A few trifles; Mrs. Gazet says she has a  
Parcel of very fine new Laces, shall we go look  
Upon 'em?  Aria. 
We will only fancy a suit of Knots or two  
At this Shop, and buy a little Essence, and wait  
Upon your Ladyship immediately.  Gatt. 
Mrs. Gazet, you are skilled in the fashion, pray  
Let our choice have your approbation.  All go to the Shop to look upon Ware, but Courtall and La. Cockwood. Gaz. 
Most gladly, Madam.  Cour. 
'Sdeath, Madam, if you had made no Ceremony,  
But stepped into the Coach presently, we had escaped this  
Mischief.  La. Cock. 
My over-tenderness of my honour, has  
Blasted all my hopes of happiness.  Cour. 
To be thus unluckily surprised in the height  
Of all our expectation, leaves me no patience.  La. Cock. 
Moderate your passion a little, Sir, I may  
Yet find out a way.  Cour. 
Oh 'tis impossible, Madam, never think on't  
Now you have been seen with me; to leave 'em upon  
Any pretence will be so suspicious, that my concern  
For your honour will make me so feverish and  
Disordered, that I shall lose the taste of all the  
Happiness you give me.  La. Coc. 
Methinks you are too scrupulous, heroic Sir.  Cour. 
Besides the concerns I have for you, Madam,  
You know the obligations I have to Sir Oliver,  
And what professions of friendship there are on  
Both sides; and to be thought perfidious and ingrateful,  
What an affliction would that be to a generous spirit!  La. Cock. 
Must we then unfortunately part thus?  Cour. 
Now I have better thought on't, that is not  
Absolutely necessary neither.  La. Cock. 
These words revive my dying joys,  
Dear Sir, go on.  Cour. 
I will by and by, when I see it most convenient,  
Beg the favour of your Ladyship, and your  
Young Kinswomen, to accept of a Treat and a  
A Fiddle; you make some little difficulty at  
First, but upon earnest persuasion comply, and  
Use your interest to make the young Ladies  
Do so too: your company will secure their  
Reputations, and their company take off from  
You all suspicion.  La. Cock. 
The natural inclination they have to be  
Jigging, will make them very ready to comply:  
But what advantage can this be to our  
Happiness, dear Sir?  Cour. 
Why, first, Madam, if the young Ladies, or  
Mrs. Gazet, have any doubts upon their surprising  
Us together, our joining company will clear 'em  
All; next, we shall have some satisfaction  
In being an afternoon together, though we enjoy  
Not that full freedom we so passionately  
Desire.  La. Cock. 
Very good, Sir.  Cour. 
But than lastly, Madam, we gain an opportunity  
To contrive another appointment to morrow,  
Which may restore us unto all those joys  
We have been so unfortunately disappointed  
Of to day.  La. Cock. 
This is a very prevailing Argument  
Indeed; but since Sir Oliver believes I have  
Conceived so desperate a sorrow, 'tis fit we  
Should keep this from his knowledge.  Court. 
Are the young Ladies secret?  La. Cock. 
They have the good Principles not  
To betray themselves, I assure you.  Court. 
Then 'tis but going to a house that is  
Not haunted by the Company, and we are secure,  
And now I think on't, the Bear in Drury-lane is  
The fittest place for our purpose.  La. Cock. 
I know your Honour, dear Sir, and  
Submit to your discretion—  
Have you gratified your Fancies, Cousins?  To them Ariana, Gatty, and Gazet from the Shop. Aria. 
We are ready to wait upon you, Madam.  Gat. 
I never saw colours better mingled.  Gaz. 
How lively they set off one another, and  
How they add to the complexion!  La. Cock. 
Mr. Courtall, your most humble Servant.  Court. 
Pray, Madam, let me have the Honour  
To wait upon you and these young Ladies,  
Till I see you in your Coach.  La. Cock. 
Your friendship to Sir Oliver would  
Engage you in an unnecessary trouble.  Aria. 
Let not an idle Ceremony take you from  
Your serious business, good Sir.  Gat. 
I should rather have expected to have seen  
You, Sir, walking in Westminster-Hall, watching  
To make a Match at Tennis, or waiting to  
Dine with a Parliament-man, then to meet  
You in such an idle place as the Exchange is.  Court. 
Methinks, Ladies, you are well  
Acquainted with me upon the first Visit.  Aria. 
We received your Character before, you  
Know, Sir, in the Mulberry-Garden upon Oath.  Court. 
aside. 'Sdeath, what shall I do?  
Now out comes all my Roguery.  Gat. 
Yet I am apt to believe, Sister, that was  
Some malicious Fellow that wilfully perjured  
Himself, on purpose to make us have an  
Ill opinion of this worthy Gentleman.  Court. 
Some rash men would be apt enough  
To inquire him out, and cut his throat, Ladies,  
But I hearty forgive him whosoever he was;  
For on my conscience 'twas not so much out  
Of malice to me, as out of love to you he did it.  Gaz. 
He might imagine Mr. Courtall was his Rival.  Court. 
Very likely, Mrs. Gazet.  La. Cock. 
Whosoever he was, he was an unworthy  
Fellow I warrant him; Mr. Courtall is known  
To be a Person of Worth and Honour.  Aria. 
We took him for an idle Fellow, Madam,  
And gave but very little credit to what he said.  Court. 
'Twas very obliging, Lady, to believe  
Nothing to the disadvantage of a stranger—  
What a couple of young Devils are these?  La. Cock. 
Since you are willing to give  
Yourself this trouble.  Court. 
I ought to do my Duty, Madam.  Exeunt all but Ariana and Gatty. Aria. 
How he blushed, and hung down his head!  Gat. 
A little more had put him as much out  
Of countenance, as a Country Clown is  
When he ventures to compliment  
His Attourny's Daughter.  They follow.  

SCENE.  
Sir Oliver's Dining-Room.  Enter Sir Joslin and Servant severally. Sir jos. 
How now old Boy! where's my  
Brother Cockwood to day?  Seru. 
He desires to be in private, Sir.  Sir jos. 
Why? what's the matter, man?  Seru. 
This is a day of Humiliation, Sir,  
With him for last night's transgression.  Sir jos. 
I have business of consequence to impart  
To him, and must and will speak with him—  
So, ho! Brother Cockwood!  Sir Oliver 
without. Who's that, my Brother jolly?  Sir jos. 
The same, the same, come away, Boy.  Sir Oliver 
without. For some secret reasons  
I desire to be in private, Brother.  Sir jos. 
I have such a design on foot as would  
Draw Diogenes out of his Tub to follow it;  
Therefore I say, come away, come away.  Sir Oliver entering in a Nightgown and Slippers. 
There is such a strange  
Temptation in thy voice,  
Never stir.  Sir jos. 
What in thy Gown and Slippers yet! why,  
Brother, I have bespoke Dinner, and engaged  
Mr. Rakehell, the little smart Gentleman I have  
Often promised thee to make thee acquainted  
Withal, to bring a whole Bevy of Damsels  
In Sky, and Pink, and Flame-coloured Taffeta's.  
Come, come, dress thee quickly, there's to be  
Madam Rampant, a Girl that shines, and will drink  
At such a rate, she's a Mistress for Alexander, were  
He alive again.  Sir Oliv. 
How unluckily this falls out! Thomas,  
What clothes have I to put on?  Seru. 
None but your Penitential Suit,  
Sir, all the rest are secured.  Sir Oliv. 
Oh unspeakable misfortune! that I  
Should be in disgrace with my Lady now!  Sir jos. 
Come, come, never talk of clothes,  
Put on any thing, thou hast a person and a  
Mine will bear it out bravely.  Sir Oliv. 
Nay, I know my behaviour will show  
I am a Gentleman; but yet the Ladies  
Will look scurvily upon me, Brother.  Sir jos. 
That's a Jest i'faith! he that has Terra firma  

In the Country, may appear in any thing before 'em.  
For he that would have a Wench kind,  
ne'er smugs up himself like a Ninny;  
But plainly tells her his mind,  
And tickles her first with a Guinny.   
Hay Boy—  Sir Oliv. 
I vow thou hast such a bewitching  
Way with thee!  Sir jos. 
How lovely will the Ladies look when  
They have a Beer-glass in their hands!  Sir Oliv. 
I now have a huge mind to venture;  
But if this should come to my Lady's knowledge.  Sir jos. 
I have bespoke Dinner at the Bear, the  
Privat'st place in Town: there will be  
No Spies to betray us, if Thomas be but secret,  
I dare warrant thee, Brother Cockwood.  Sir Oliv. 
I have always found Thomas very  
Faithful; but faith 'tis too unkind, considering  
How tenderly my Lady loves me.  Sir jos. 
Fie, fie, a man, and kept so much under  
Correction by a Busk and a Fan!  Sir Oliv. 
Nay, I am in my Nature as valiant  
As any man, when once I set out; but i'faith I  
Cannot but think how my dear Lady will be  
Concerned when she comes home and misses me.  Sir jos. 
A Pox upon these Qualms.  Sir Oliv. 
Well, thou hast seduced me;  
But I shall look so untowardly.  Sir jos. 
Again art thou at it? in, in, and make  
All the haste that may be, Rakehell and the  
Ladies will be there before us else.  Sir Oliv. 
Well, thou art an errand Devil— hay—  
For the Lady's, Brother jolly.  Sir jos. 
hay for the Lady's, Brother Cockwood.  Exit singing— For he that would, etc.  

SCENE III.  
The Bear.  Without. Ho Francis, Humphrey, show a Room there! Enter Court. Free. Lady Cockwood, Aria. Gatty and Sentry. Court. 
Pray, Madam, be not so full of apprehension;  
There is no fear that this should come to  
Sir Oliver's knowledge.  La. Cock. 
I were ruined if it should, Sir! Dear, how  
I tremble! I never was in one of these houses before.  Sent. 
This is a Bait for the young Ladies to  Aside. 
Swallow; she has been in most of the Eating-  
Houses about Town, to my knowledge.  Court. 
Oh Francis!  Enter Waiter. Wait. 
Your Worship's welcome, Sir; but I  
Must needs desire you to walk into the next  
Room, for this is bespoke.  La. Cock. 
Mr Courtall, did not you say, this  
Place was private?  Court. 
I warrant you, Madam. What  
Company dines here, Francis?  Wait. 
A couple of Country Knights, Sir joslin  
jolly and Sir Oliver Cockwood, very honest Gentlemen.  La. Cock. 
Combination to undo me!  Court. 
Peace, Madam, or you'll betray  
Yourself to the Waiter.  La. Cock. 
I am distracted! Sentry, did not I  
Command thee to secure all Sir Oliver's clothes,  
And leave nothing for him to put on, but his  
Penitential Suit, that I might be sure he  
Can not stir abroad to day?  Sent. 
I obeyed you in every thing, Madam; but I  
Have often told you this Sir joslin is a wicked Seducer.  Aria. 
If my Uncle sees us, Sister, what  
Will he think of us?  Gat. 
We come but to wait upon her Ladyship.  Free. 
You need not fear, you Chickens are  
Secure under the wings of that old Hen.  Court. 
Is there to be no body, Francis,  
But Sir Oliver and Sir joslin?  Wait. 
Faith, Sir, I was enjoined secrecy; but  
You have an absolute power over me: coming  
Lately out of the Country, where there is but  
Little variety, they have a design to solace  
Themselves with a fresh Girl or two, as I  
Understand the business.  Exit Waiter. La. Cock. 
Oh Sentry! Sir Oliver disloyal!  
My misfortunes come too thick upon me.  Court 
aside. Now is she afraid of being  
Disappointed on all hands.  La. Cock. 
I know not what to do, Mr. Courtall,  
I would not be surprised here myself, and yet  
I would prevent Sir Oliver from prosecuting  
His wicked and perfidious intentions.  Aria. 
Now shall we have admirable sport,  
What with her fear and jealousy.  Gat. 
I lay my life she routs the Wenches.  Enter Waiter. Wait. 
I must needs desire you to step into the next  
Room; Sir joslin and Sir Oliver are below already.  La. Cock. 
I have not power to move a foot.  Free. 
We will consider what is to be done  
Within, Madam.  Court. 
Pray, Madam, come; I have a  
Design in my head which shall secure you, surprise  
Sir Oliver, and free you from all your fears.  La. Cock. 
It cannot be, Sir.  Court. 
Never fear it: Francis, you may own  
Mr. Freeman and I are in the house, if they ask for us;  
But not a word of these Ladies, as you tender  
The wearing of your Ears.  Exeunt. Enter Sir Joslin, Sir Oliver, and Waiter. Sir jos. 
Come, Brother Cockwood, prithee be brisk.  Sir Oliv. 
I shall disgrace myself for ever, Brother.  Sir jos. 
Pox upon care, never droop like a Cock  
In moulting time; thou art Spark enough in all  
Conscience.  Sir Oliv. 
But my heart gins to fail me  
When I think of my Lady.  Sir jos. 
What, more Qualms yet?  Sir Oliv. 
Well, I will be courageous: but it is not  
Necessary these Strangers should know this is  
My Penitential Suit, Brother.  Sir jos. 
They shall not, they shall not. Hark  
You old Boy, is the meat provided? is the Wine  
And Ice come? and are the melodious Rascalss  
At hand I spoke for?  Wait. 
Every thing will be in a readiness, Sir.  Sir jos. 
If Mr. Rakehell, with a Coach full or two  
Of Vizard-masks and silk Petticoats, call at the  
Door, usher 'em up to the place of execution.  Wait. 
You shall be obeyed, Sir.  Exit Waiter. Enter Rakehell. Sir jos. 
Ho, here's my little Rakehell come!  
Brother Cockwood, let me commend this ingenious  
Gentleman to your acquaintance; he is a Knight  
Of the Industry, has many admirable qualities,  
I assure you.  Sir Oliv. 
I am very glad; Sir, of this opportunity  
To know you.  Rake. 
I am happy, Sir, if you esteem me your  
Servant. Hark you, Sir joslin, is this Sir  
Oliver Cockwood in earnest?  Sir jos. 
In very good earnest I assure you; he is  
A little fantastical now and then, and dresses  
Himself up in an odd fashion: but that's all one  
Among Friends, my little Rakehell.  Sir Oliv. 
Where are the Damsels you talked of,  
Brother jolly? I hope Mr. Rakehell has not forgot 'em.  Rake. 
They are arming for the ran-counter.  Sir jos. 
What, tricking and trimming?  Rake. 
Even so, and will be here immediately.  Sir Oliv. 
They need not make themselves so  
Full of Temptation; my Brother jolly and I can  
Be wicked enough without it.  Sir jos. 
The truth is, my little Rakehell, we are  
Both mighty men at Arms, and thou shalt see us  
Charge anon to the terror of the Ladies.  Rake. 
Methinks that Dress Sir Oliver is a little  
Too rustical for a man of your capacity.  Sir Oliv. 
I have an odd humour, Sir, now and  
Then; but I have wherewithal at home to  
Be as spruce as any man,  Rake. 
Your Periwig is too scandalous, Sir  
Oliver, your black Cap and Border is never  
Wore but by a Fiddler or a Waiter.  Sir jos. 
Prithee, my little Rakehell, do not put my  
Brother Cockwood out of conceit of himself;  
Methinks your Calot is a pretty Ornament, and  
Makes a man look both Polite and Politic.  Rake. 
I will allow you, 'tis a grave ware, and fit  
For men of business, that are every moment bending  
Of their brows, and scratching of their heads, every  
Project would claw out another Periwig; but a  
Lover had better appear before his Mistress with a  
Bald Pate: 'twill make the Ladies apprehend a savour,  
Stop their Noses, and avoid you: 'Slife, Love in a  
Cap is more ridiculous than Love in a Tub, or Love  
In a Pipkin.  Sir Oliv. 
I must confess your whole head is  
Now in fashion; but there was a time when  
Your Calot was not so despicable.  Rake. 
Here's a Perruque, Sir.  Sir Oliv. 
A very good one.  Rake. 
A very good one? 'tis the best in England.  
Pray, Sir joslin, take him in your hand, and draw  
A Comb through him, there is not such  
Another Frizz in Europe.  Sir jos. 
'Tis a very fine one indeed.  Rake. 
Pray, Sir Oliver, do me the favour to  
Grace it on your head a little.  Sir Oliv. 
To oblige you, Sir.  Rake. 
You never wore any thing became you half  
So well in all your life before.  Sir jos. 
Why, you never saw him in your life before.  Rake. 
That's all one, Sir, I know 'tis impossible.  
Here's a Beaver, Sir Oliver, feel him; for fineness,  
Substance, and for fashion, the Court of France  
Never saw a better; I have bred him but a  
Fortnight, and have him at command already.  
Clap him on boldly, never Hat took the fore-  
Cock and the hind-cock at one motion so naturally.  Sir Oliv. 
I think you have a mind to make a  
Spark of me before I see the Ladies.  Rake. 
Now you have the mien of a true Cavalier,  
And with one look may make a Lady kind, and  
A Hector humble: and since I named a Hector,  
Here's a Sword, Sir: Sa, sa, sa, try him, Sir joslin,  
Put him to't, cut through the staple, run him  
Through the door, beat him to the Hilts, if he  
Breaks, you shall have liberty to break my Pate,  
And pay me never a Groat of the ten for't.  Sir jos. 
'Tis a very pretty Weapon indeed, Sir.  Rake. 
The Hilt is true French-wrought, and  
Doree by the best Workman in France. This Sword  
And this Castor, with an embroidered Button and  
Loop, which I have to vary him upon occasion,  
Were sent me out of France for a Token by my elder  
Brother, that went over with a handsome Equipage,  
To take the pleasure of this Champagne.  Sir Oliv. 
Have you a mind to sell these things, Sir?  Rake. 
That is below a Gentleman; yet if a person  
Of Honour or a particular friend, such as I esteem  
You, Sir Oliver, take at any time a fancy to a Band,  
A Cravat, a Velvet Coat, a Vest, a Ring, a Flajolet,  
Or any other little Toy I have about me, I am  
Good-natured, and may be easily persuaded  
To play the Fool upon good terms.  Enter Freeman. Sir jos. 
Worthy Mr. Freeman!  Sir Oliv. 
Honest Frank, how cam'st thou to  
Find us out, man?  Free. 
By mere chance, Sir; Ned Courtall is without  
Writing a Letter, and I came in to know whether  
You had any particular engagements, Gentlemen.  Sir Oliv. 
We resolved to be in private; but  
You are men without exception.  Free. 
Methinks you intended to be in private  
Indeed, Sir Oliver. 'Sdeath, what disguise have  
You got on? are you grown grave since last  
Night, and come to sin incognito?  Sir Oliv. 
Hark you in your Ear, Frank, this is  
My habit of humiliation, which I always put on  
The next day after I have transgressed, the better  
To make my pacification with my incensed Lady—  Free. 
Ha', ha', ha'—  Rake. 
Mr. Freeman, your most humble Servant, Sir.  Free. 
Oh my little dapper Officer! are you here?  Sir jos. 
Ha', Mr. Freeman, we have bespoke all the  
Jovial Entertainment that a merry Wag can wish  
For, good Meat, good Wine, and a wholesome  
Wench or two; for the digestion, we shall have  
Madam Rampant, the glory of the Town, the  
Brightest she that shines, or else my little Rakehell  
Is not a man of his word, Sir.  Rake. 
I warrant you she comes, Sir joslin.  Sir Joslin sings. 

And if she comes, she shall not scape,  
If twenty pounds will win her;  
Her very Eye commits a Rape,  
'Tis such a tempting sinner.   Enter Courtal. Court. 
Well said, Sir joslin, I see you hold up still,  
And bate not an Ace of your good humour.  Sir jos. 
Noble Mr. Courtall!  Court. 
Bless me, Sir Oliver, what are you going  
To act a Droll? how the people would throng  
About you, if you were but mounted on a  
Few Deal-boards in Covent-Garden now!  Sir Oliv. 
Hark you, Ned, this is the Badge of my  
Lady's indignation for my last night's offence; do  
Not insult over a poor sober man in affliction.  Court. 
Come, come, send home for your clothes;  
I hear you are to have Ladies, and you are not  
To learn at these years, how absolutely necessary  
A rich Vest and a Perruque are to a man that aims  
At their favours.  Sir Oliv. 
A Pox on't, Ned, my Lady's gone abroad  
In a damned jealous melancholy humour, and  
Has commanded her Woman to secure 'em.  Court. 
Under Lock and Key?  Sir Oliv. 
Ay, Ay, man, 'tis usual in these cases, out  
Of pure Love in hopes to reclaim me, and to  
Keep me from doing myself an injury  
By drinking two days together.  Court. 
What a loving Lady ' 'tis!  Sir Oliv. 
There are Sots that would think themselves  
Happy in such a Lady, Ned; but to a true bred  
Gentleman all lawful solace is abomination.  Rake. 
Mr. Courtall, your most humble Servant, Sir.  Court. 
Oh! my little Knight of the Industry, I am  
Glad to see you in such good Company.  Free. 
Courtall, hark you, are the Masking-habits  
Which you sent to borrow at the Playhouse come yet?  Court. 
Yes, and the Ladies are almost dressed:  
This design will add much to our mirth, and give  
Us the benefit of their Meat, Wine, and Music  
For our Entertainment.  Free. 
'Twas luckily thought of.  Sir Oliv. 
Hark, the Music comes.  Music. Sir jos. 
hay, Boys— let 'em enter, let 'em enter.  Enter Waiter. Wait. 
An't please your Worships, there is a Mask  
Of Ladies without, that desire to have the  
Freedom to come in and dance.  Sir jos. 
hay! Boys—  (Rakehell? Sir Oliv. 
Did you bid 'em come ' en Masquerade, Mr.  Rake. 
No; but Rampant is a mad Wench, she  
Was half a dozen times a mumming in private  
Company last Shrovetide, and I lay my life she has  
Put 'em all upon this Frolic.  Court. 
They are mettled Girls, I warrant them,  
Sir joslin, let 'em be what they will.  Sir jos. 
Let 'em enter, let 'em enter, ha' Boys—  Enter Music and the Ladies in an Antic, and then they take out, my Lady Cockwood Sir Oliver, the young Lady's Courtal and Freeman, and Sentry Sir Joslin, and dance a set Dance. Sir Oliv. 
Oh my little Rogue! have I got thee?  
How I will turn and wind, and fegue thy body!  Sir jos. 
Mettle on all sides, mettle on all sides,  
I'faith; how swimmingly would this pretty little  
Ambling Filly carry a man of my body!  Sings. 

She's so bonny and brisk,  
How she'd carvet and frisk,  
If a man were once mounted upon her!  
Let me have but a leap  
Where 'tis wholesome and cheap,  
And a fig for your Person of Honour.   Sir Oliv. 
'Tis true, little joslin, i'faith.  Court. 
They have warmed us, Sir Oliver.  Sir Oliv. 
Now am I as rampant as a Lion, Ned,  
And could love as vigorously as a Seaman that  
Is newly landed after an East-India Voyage.  Court. 
Take my advice, Sir Oliver, do not in your  
Rage deprive yourself of your only hope  
Of an accommodation with your Lady.  Sir Oliv. 
I had rather have a perpetual civil War,  
Then purchase Peace at such a dishonourable rate.  
A poor Fiddler, after he has been three days persecuted  
At a Country-wedding, takes more delight in scraping  
Upon his old squeaking Fiddle, than I do in fumbling  
On that domestic Instrument of mine.  Court. 
Be not so bitter, Sir Oliver, on your  
Own dear Lady.  Sir Oliv. 
I was married to her when I was young,  
Ned, with a design to be balked, as they tie Whelps  
To the Bell-wether; where I have been so butted,  
'Twere enough to fright me, were I not pure  
Mettle, from ever running at sheep again.  Court. 
That's no sure rule, Sir Oliver; for a  
Wife's a dish, of which if a man once surfeit, he shall  
Have a better stomach to all others ever after.  Sir Oliv. 
What a shape is here, Ned! so exact and  
Tempting, 'twould persuade a man to be an  
Implicit sinner, and take her face upon credit.  Sir jos. 
Come, Brother Cockwood, let us get 'em  
To lay aside these masking Fopperies, and then  
We'll fegue 'em in earnest: give us a Bottle, Waiter.  Free. 
Not before Dinner, good Sir joslin—  Sir Oliv. 
Lady, though I have out of Drollery  
Put myself into this contemptible Dress at present,  
I am a Gentleman, and a man of Courage, as you  
Shall find anon by my brisk behaviour.  Rake. 
Sir joslin! Sir Oliver! these are none of our  
Ladies, they are just come to the door in a Coach, and  
Have sent for me down to wait upon 'em up to you.  Sir jos. 
hay— Boys, more Game, more Game!  
Fetch 'em up, fetch 'em up.  Sir Oliv. 
Why, what a day of Sport will here be,  
Ned?  Exit Rakehell. Sir jos. 
They shall all have fair Play, Boy's.  Sir Oliv. 
And we will match ourselves, and make  
A Prize on't, Ned Courtall and I, against Frank  
Freeman and you Brother jolly, and Rakehell  
Shall be Judge for Gloves and silk Stockings, to be  
Bestowed as the Conqueror shall fancy.  Sir jos. 
Agreed, agreed, agreed.  Court. Free. 
A match, a match.  Sir Oliv. 
hay, Boys!  Lady Cockwood counterfeits a fit. Sentry pulling off her Mask. 
Oh Heavens! my dear Lady!  
Help, help!  Sir Oliv. 
What's here? Sentry and my Lady!  
'Sdeath, what a condition am I in now, Brother jolly!  
You have brought me into this Praemunire: for  
Heaven's sake run down quickly, and send the Rogue  
And Whores away. Help, help! oh help! dear  
Madam, sweet Lady!  Ex. Sir Joslin, Sir Oliver knelt down by her. Sent. 
Oh she's gone, she's gone!  Free. 
Give her more Air.  Court. 
Fetch a glass of cold Water, Freeman.  Sir Oliv. 
Dear Madam speak, sweet Madam speak.  Sent. 
Out upon thee for a vile Hypocrite! thou  
Art the wicked Author of all this; who but such a  
Reprobate, such an obdurate sinner as thou art,  
Can go about to abuse so sweet a Lady?  Sir Oliv. 
Dear Sentry, do not stab me with thy words,  
But stab me with thy Bodkin rather, that I may here  
Die a Sacrifice at her feet, for all my disloyal actions.  Sent. 
No live, live, to be a reproach and a shame  
To all rebellious Husbands; ah, that she had but  
My Heart! but thou hast bewitched her affections;  
Thou shouldst then dearly smart for this abominable  
Treason.  Gat. 
So, now she gins to come to herself.  Aria. 
Set her more upright, and bend her a little  
Forward.  La. Cock. 
Unfortunate Woman! let me go,  
Why do you hold me? would I had a Dagger at  
My Heart, to punish it for loving that ungrateful man.  Sir Oliv. 
Dear Madam, were I but worthy  
Of your pity and belief.  La. Cock. 
Peace, peace, perfidious man, I am too  
Tame and foolish— were I every day at the Plays,  
The Park, and Mulberry-Garden, with a kind look  
Secretly to indulge the unlawful passion of some  
Young Gallant; or did I associate myself with the  
Gaming Madams, and were every afternoon at my  
Lady Briefs and my Lady Meanwells at Umber and  
Quebas, pretending ill luck to borrow money of a  
Friend, and then pretending good luck to excuse the  
Plenty to a Husband, my suspicious demeanour had  
Deserved this; but I who out of a scrupulous  
Tenderness to my Honour, and to comply with thy  
Base Jealousy, have denied myself all those blameless  
Recreations, which a virtuous Lady might enjoy,  
To be thus inhumanely reviled in my own person, and  
Thus unreasonably robbed and abused in thine too!  Court. 
Sure she will take up anon, or crack  
Her mind, or else the Devil's in't.  La. Cock. 
Do not stay and torment me with thy  
Sight; go, graceless Wretch, follow thy treacherous  
Resolutions, do, and waste that poor stock of comfort  
Which I should have at home, upon those your ravenous  
Cormorants below: I feel my passion begin to  
Swell again.  She has a little fit again. Court. 
Now will she get an absolute dominion over  
Him, and all this will be my Plague in the end.  Sir Oliv. 
running up and down. Ned. Courtall, Frank Freeman, Cousin  
Ariana, and dear Cousin Gatty, for  
Heaven's sake join all, and moderate her passion—  
Ah Sentry! forbear thy unjust reproaches, take pity  
On thy Master! thou hast a great influence over her,  
And I have always been mindful of thy favours.  Sent. 
You do not deserve the least compassion,  
Nor would I speak a good word for you, but that  
I know for all this, 'twill be acceptable to my poor  
Lady. Dear Madam, do but look up a little, Sir  
Oliver lies at your feet an humble Penitent.  Aria. 
How bitterly he weeps! how sadly he sighs!  Gat. 
I dare say he counterfeited his sin, and is  
Real in his Repentance.  Court. 
Compose yourself a little, pray, Madam;  
All this was mere Raillery, a way of talk, which  
Sir Oliver being well bred, has learned among  
The gay people of the Town.  Free. 
If you did but know, Madam, what an odious  
Thing it is to be thought to love a Wife in good  
Company, you would easily forgive him.  La. Cock. 
No, no, 'twas the mild correction which  
I gave him for his insolent behaviour last night, that  
Has encouraged him again thus to insult over my  
Affections.  Court. 
Come, come, Sir Oliver, out with your  
Bosom-secret, and clear all things to your Lady;  
Is it not as we have said?  Sir Oliv. 
Or may I never have the happiness to be  
In her good grace again; and as for the Harlots,  
Dear Madam, here is Ned Courtall and Frank Freeman,  
That have often seen me in company of the  
Wicked; let 'em speak, if they ever knew me tempted  
To a disloyal action in their lives.  Court. 
On my conscience, Madam, I may more  
Safely swear, that Sir Oliver has been constant to  
Your Ladyship, then that a Girl of twelve years old  
Has her Maidenhead this warm and ripening Age.  Enter Sir Joslin. Sir Oliv. 
Here's my Brother jolly too can witness  
The loyalty of my Heart, and that I did not intent  
Any treasonable practice against your Ladyship  
In the least.  Sir jos. 
Unless feguing 'em with a Beer-glass be  
Included in the Statute. Come, Mr. Courtall, to  
Satisfy my Lady, and put her in a little good humour,  
Let us sing the Catch I taught you yesterday, that was  
Made by a Country Vicar on my Brother Cockwood.  
And me.  They sing. 

Love and Wenching are Toys,  
Fit to please beardless Boys,  
Th' are sports we hate worse than a Leaguer;  
When we visit a Miss,  
We still brag how we kiss,  
But 'tis with a Bottle we fegue her.   Sir jos. 
Come, come, Madam, let all things be  
Forgot; Dinner is ready, the Cloth is laid in the  
Next Room, let us in and be merry; there was no  
Harm meant as I am true little joslin.  La. Cock. 
Sir Oliver knows I can't be angry with  
Him, though he plays the naughty man thus; but  
Why, my Dear, would ye expose yourself in this  
Ridiculous habit, to the censure of both our Honours?  Sir Oliv. 
Indeed I was to blame to be over-  
Persuaded; I intended dutifully to retire into the  
Pantry, and there civilly to divert myself at Back-  
Gammon with the Butler.  Sir jos. 
Faith, I must even own, the fault was  
Mine, I enticed him hither, Lady.  Sir Oliv. 
How the Devil, Ned, came they to find  
Us out here!  Court. 
No Bloodhound draws so sure as a jealous Woman.  Sir Oliv. 
I am afraid Thomas has been unfaithful:  
Prithee, Ned, speak to my Lady, that there may be  
A perfect understanding between us, and that Sentry  
May be sent home for my clothes, that I may no  
Longer wear the marks of her displeasure.  Court. 
Let me alone, Sir Oliver.  He goes to my Lady Cockwood. 
How do you find yourself, Madam, after  
This violent Passion?  La. Cock. 
This has been a lucky adventure,  
Mr. Courtall; now am I absolute Mistress of  
My own conduct for a time.  Court. 
Then shall I be a happy man, Madam: I  
Knew this would be the consequence of all, and  
Yet could not I forbear the project.  Sir Oliv. 
How didst thou shuffle away Rakehell  
And the Lady's Brother?  To Sir Joslin. Sir jos. 
I have appointed 'em to meet us at six a  
Clock at the new Spring-Garden.  Sir Oliv. 
Then will we yet, in spite of the Stars  
That have crossed us, be in Conjunction with  
Madam Rampant, Brother.  Court. 
Come, gentlemans, Dinner is on the Table.  Sir jos. 
Ha! Sly-girl and Madcap, I'll enter  
You, i'faith; since you have found the way  
To the Bear, I'll fegue you.  Sings. 

When we visit a Miss,  
We still brag how we kiss;  
But 'tis with a Bottle we fegue her.   Exeunt singing.   

ACT IU.  

SCENE I.  
A Dining-Room.  Enter Lady Cockwood. La. Cock. 
A Lady cannot be too jealous of her Servants  
Love, this faithless and inconstant Age:  
His amorous Carriage to that prating Girl to day,  
Though he pretends it was to blind Sir Oliver,  
I fear will prove a certain sign of his revolted  
Heart; the Letters I have counterfeited in these Girls  
Name will clear all; if he accept of that appointment,  
And refuses mine, I need not any longer doubt.  Enter Sentry. 
Sentry, have the Letters  
And message been delivered, as I directed?  Sent. 
Punctually, Madam; I knew they were to be  
Found at the latter end of a Play, I sent a Porter  
First with the Letter to Mr. Courtall, who  
Was at the Kings-house, he sent for him out  
By the Doorkeeper, and delivered it into  
His own hands.  La. Cock. 
Did you keep on your Vizard, that  
The Fellow might not know how to describe you?  Sent. 
I did, Madam.  La. Cock. 
And how did he receive it?  Sent. 
Like a Traitor to all goodness, with  
All the signs of Joy imaginable.  La. Cock. 
Be not angry, Sentry, 'tis as my heart  
Wished it: what did you do with the Letter to  
Mr. Freeman? for I thought fit to deceive 'em both,  
To make my Policy less suspicious to Courtall.  Sent. 
The Porter found him at the Dukes-house,  
Madam, and delivered it with like care.  La. Cock. 
Very well.  Sent. 
After the Letters were delivered, Madam,  
I went myself to the Playhouse, and sent in  
For Mr. Courtall, who came out to me immediately;  
I told him your Ladyship presented your humble  
Service to him, and that Sir Oliver was going  
Into the City with Sir joslin, to visit his Brother  
Cockwood, and that it would add much more  
To your Ladyship's happiness, if he would be pleased  
To meet you in Grayes-Inn-walks this lovely evening.  La. Cock. 
And how did he entertain the motion?  Sent. 
Bless me! I tremble still to think upon it!  
I could not have imagined he had been so wicked;  
He counterfeited the greatest passion, railed at  
His Fate, and swore a thousand horrid Oaths,  
That since he came into the Playhouse he had  
Notice of a business that concerned both his  
Honour and Fortune; and that he was an undone  
Man, if he did not go about it presently;  
Prayed me to desire your Ladyship to excuse  
Him this Evening, and that to morrow he would  
Be wholly at your devotion.  La. Cock. 
Ha', ha', ha'! he little thinks how  
Much he has obliged me.  Sent. 
I had much ado to forbear upbraiding  
Him with his ingratitude to your Ladyship.  La. Cock. 
Poor Sentry! be not concerned for  
Me, I have conquered my affection, and thou  
Shalt find it is not Jealousy has been my Counsellor  
In this. Go, let our Hoods and Masks be ready,  
That I may surprise Courtall, and make the  
Best advantage of this lucky opportunity.  Sent. 
I obey you, Madam.  Exit Sentry. La. Cock. 
How am I filled with indignation!  
To find my person and my passion both despised,  
And what is more, so much precious time  
Fooled away in fruitless expectation: I would  
Poison my face, so I might be revenged on  
This ingrateful Villain.  Enter Sir Oliver. Sir Oliv. 
My Dearest!  La. Cock. 
My Dearest Dear! prithee do  
Not go into the City to night.  Sir Oliv. 
My Brother jolly is gone before,  
And I am to call him at Counsellor Trott's  
Chamber in the Temple.  La. Cock. 
Well, if you did but know the fear  
I have upon me when you are absent, you would  
Not seek occasions to be from me thus.  Sir Oliv 
Let me comfort thee with a kiss;  
What shouldst thou be afraid of?  La Cock. 
I cannot but believe that every Woman  
That sees thee must be in love with thee, as I am;  
Do not blame my Jealousy.  Sir Oliv. 
I protest I would refuse a Countess  
Rather than abuse thee, poor Heart.  La. Cock. 
And then you are so desperate upon  
The least occasion, I should have acquainted  
You else with something that concerns your Honour.  Sir Oliv. 
My Honour! you aught in Duty to do it.  La. Cock. 
Nay, I knew how passionate you would  
Be presently; therefore you shall never know it.  Sir Oliv. 
Do not leave me in doubt, I shall  
Suspect every one I look upon; I will kill a  
Common Councel-man or two before I come  
Back, if you do not tell me.  La. Cock. 
Dear, how I tremble! will you  
Promise me you will not quarrel then? if you tender  
My life and happiness, I am sure you will not.  Sir Oliv. 
I will bear any thing rather than be  
An Enemy to thy quiet, my Dear.  La. Cock. 
I could wish Mr. Courtall a man of better  
Principles, because I know you love him, my Dear.  Sir Oliv. 
Why, what has he done?  La. Cock. 
I always treated him with great respects,  
Out of my regard to your friendship; but he, like  
An impudent man as he is, to day misconstruing  
My Civility, in most unseemly language,  
Made a foul attempt upon my Honour.  Sir Oliv. 
Death, and Hell, and Furies, I will  
Have my Pumps, and long Sword!  La. Cock. 
Oh, I shall faint! did not you promise  
Me you would not be so rash?  Sir Oliv. 
Well, I will not kill him, for fear of  
Murdering thee, my Dear.  La. Cock. 
You may decline your friendship, and  
By your coldness give him no encouragement  
To visit our Family.  Sir Oliv. 
I think thy advice the best for this once  
Indeed; for it is not fit to publish such a business:  
But if he should be ever tempting or attempting,  
Let me know it, prithee, my Dear.  La. Cock. 
If you moderate yourself according  
To my directions now, I shall never conceal  
Any thing from you, that may increase your  
Just opinion of my conjugal fidelity.  Sir Oliv. 
Was ever man blessed with such  
A virtuous Lady! yet cannot I forbear going a  Aside. 
Ranging again. Now must I to the Spring-Garden  
To meet my Brother jolly and Madam Rampant.  La. Cock. 
Prithee, be so good to think how  
Melancholy I spend my time here; for I have  
Joy in no Company but thine, and let that  
Bring thee home a little sooner.  Sir Oliv. 
Thou hast been so kind in this discovery,  
That I am loath to leave thee.  La. Cock. 
I wish you had not been engaged so far.  Sir Oliv. 
Ay, that's it: farewel, my virtuous Dear.  Exit Sir Oliver. La. Cock. 
Farewell, my Dearest Dear. I know  
He has not courage enough to question Courtall;  
But this will make him hate him, increase his  
Confidence of me, and justify my banishing that  
False Fellow our house; it is not fit a man that  
Has abused my Love, should come hither, and pry  
Into my actions: besides this will make his  
Access more difficult to that wanton Baggage.  Enter Ariana and Gatty with their Hoods and Masks. 
Whither are you going, Cousins?  Gat. 
To take the Air upon the Water, Madam.  Aria. 
And for Variety, to walk a turn or two  
In the new Spring-Garden.  La. Cock. 
I heard you were gone abroad  
With Mr. Courtall and Mr. Freeman.  Gat. 
For Heaven's sake, why should your Ladyship  
Have such an ill opinion of us?  La. Cock. 
The truth is, before I saw you, I believed  
It merely the vanity of that prating man; Mr.  
Courtall told Mrs. Gazet this morning, that you  
Were so well acquainted already, that you  
Would meet him and Mr. Freeman any where,  
And that you had promised 'em to receive  
And make appointment by Letters.  Gat. 
Oh impudent man!  Aria. 
Now you see the consequence, Sister,  
Of our rambling; they have raised this false story  
From our innocent fooling with 'em in the  
Mulberry-Garden last night.  Gat. 
I could almost foreswear ever speaking  
To a man again.  La. Cock. 
Was Mr. Courtall in the Mulberry-Garden  
last night?  Aria. 
Yes, Madam.  La. Cock. 
And did he speak to you?  Gat. 
There passed a little harmless Raillery  
Betwixt us; but you amaze me, Madam.  Aria. 
I could not imagine any man could  
Be thus unworthy.  La. Cock. 
He has quite lost my good opinion  
Too: in Duty to Sir Oliver, I have hitherto showed  
Him some countenance; but I shall hate him  
Hereafter for your sakes. But I detain you from  
Your Recreations, Cousins.  Gat. 
We are very much obliged to your  
Ladyship for this timely notice.  Aria. Gat. 
Your Servant, Madam.  Ex. Ariana and Gatty. La. Cock. 
Your Servant, Cousins— in the  
Mulberry-Garden last night! when I sat languishing,  
And vainly expecting him at home: this has  
Incensed me so, that I could kill him. I am glad  
These Girls are gone to the Spring-Garden, it  
Helps my design; the Letters I have counterfeited,  
Have appointed Courtall and Freeman to meet  
Them there, they will produce 'em, and confirm  
All I have said: I will daily poison these Girls  
With such lies as shall make their quarrel to  
Courtall irreconcilable, and render Freeman  
Only suspected; for I would not have him  
Thought equally guilty: He secretly began  
To make an address to meat the Bear, and  
This breach shall give him an opportunity  
To pursue it.  Enter Sentry. Sent. 
Here are your things, Madam.  La. Cock. 
That's well: Oh Sentry! I shall once  
More be happy; for now Mr. Courtall has given  
Me an occasion, that I may without ingratitude  
Check his unlawful passion, and free myself  
From the trouble of an Intrigue, that gives me  
Every day such fearful apprehensions of my honour.  Ex. La. Cock. and Sentry.  

SCENE II.  
New Spring-Garden.  Enter Sir Joslin, Rakehell, and Waiter. Wait. 
Will you be pleased to walk into  
An Arbour, Gentlemen?  Sir jos. 
By and by, good Sir.  Rake. 
I wonder Sir Oliver is not come yet.  Sir jos. 
Nay, he will not fail I warrant thee,  
Boy; but what's the matter with thy Nose,  
My little Rakehell?  Rake. 
A foolish accident; jesting at the Fleece  
This afternoon, I mistook my man a little, a dull  
Rogue that could not understand Raillery,  
Made a sudden Repertee with a Quart-pot,  
Sir joslin.  Sir jos. 
Why didst not thou stick him to the  
Wall, my little Rakehell?  Rake. 
The truth is, Sir joslin; he deserved it;  
But look you, in case of a doubtful wound,  
I am unwilling to give my friends too often the  
Trouble to bail me; and if it should be  
Mortal, you know a younger Brother has  
Not wherewithal to rebate the edge of a  
Witness, and mollify the hearts of a Jury.  Sir jos. 
This is very prudently considered indeed.  Rake. 
'Tis time to be wise, Sir; my Courage has  
Almost run me out of a considerable Annuity.  
When I lived first about this Town, I agreed  
With a Surgeon for twenty pounds a Quarter▪  
To cure me of all the Knocks, Bruises, and  
Green Wounds I should receive, and in one half  
Year the poor Fellow begged me to be released▪  
Of his bargain, and swore I would undo him▪  
Else in Lint and Balsam.  Enter Sir Oliver. Sir jos. 
Ho! here's my Brother Cockwood come—  Sir Oliv. 
I, Brother jolly, I have kept my word,  
You see; but 'tis a barbarous thing to abuse my  
Lady, I have had such a proof of her Virtue,  
I will tell thee all anon.  
But where's Madam Rampant, and the rest of  
The Ladies, Mr. Rakehell?  Rake. 
Faith, Sir, being disappointed at noon,  
They were unwilling any more to set a certainty  
At hazard: 'tis Termtime, and they have  
Severally betook themselves, some to their  
Chamber-practice, and others to the Places  
Of Public Pleading.  Sir Oliv. 
Faith, Brother jolly, let us even go into  
An Arbour, and then fegue Mr. Rakehell.  Sir jos. 
With all my heart, would we had  
Madam Rampant.  Sings. 

She's as frolic and free,  
As her Lovers dare be,  
Never awed by a foolish Punctilio;  
She'll not start from her place,  
Though thou namest a black Ace,  
And will drink a Beer-glass to Spudilio.   
hay, Boys! Come, come, come! let's in,  
And delay our sport no longer.  Exit singing, She'll not start from her, etc. Enter Courtall and Freeman severally. Court. 
Freeman!  Free. 
Courtall, what the Devil's the matter with  
Thee? I have observed thee prying up and down  
The Walks like a Citizen's Wife that has dropped  
Her Holiday Pocket-handkercher.  Court. 
What unlucky Devil has brought thee hither?  Free. 
I believe a better natured Devil than yours,  
Courtall, if a Leveret be better meat than an old  
Puss, that has been coursed by most of the young  
Fellows of her country: I am not working my  
Brain for a Counterplot, a disappointment is not  
My business.  Court. 
You are mistaken, Freeman: prithee be  
Gone, and leave me the Garden to myself, or I  
Shall grow as testy as an old Fowler that is put  
By his shoot, after he has crept half a mile  
Upon his belly.  Free. 
Prithee be thou gone, or I shall take it as  
Unkindly as a Chemist would, if thou shouldst  
Kick down his Limbeck in the very minute  
That he looked for projection.  Court. 
Come, come, you must yield, Freeman,  
Your business cannot be of such consequence as mine.  Free. 
If ever thou hadst a business of such  
Consequence in thy life as mine is, I will condescend  
To be made incapable of affairs presently.  Court. 
Why, I have an appointment made me,  
Man, without my seeking, by a Woman for  
Whom I would have mortgaged my whole  
Estate to have had her abroad but to break  
A Cheesecake.  Free. 
And I have an appointment made me without  
My seeking too, by such a she, that I will break the  
Whole ten Commandments, rather than  
Disappoint her of her breaking one.  Court. 
Come, you do but jest, Freeman, a forsaken  
Mistress could not be more malicious than thou  
Art: prithee be gone.  Free. 
Prithee do thou be gone.  Court. 
'Sdeath! the sight of thee will scare  
My Woman for ever.  Free. 
'Sdeath! the sight of thee will make my  
Woman believe me the falsest Villain breathing.  Court. 
We shall stand fooling till we are both  
Undone, and I know not how to help it.  Free. 
Let us proceed honestly like Friends,  
Discover the truth of things to one another, and  
If we cannot reconcile our business, we will  
Draw Cuts, and part fairly.  Court. 
I do not like that way; for talk is only  
Allowable at the latter end of an Intrigue, and  
Should never be used at the beginning of an  
Amour, for fear of frighting a young Lady from  
Her good intentions— yet I care not, though I  
Read the Letter, but I will conceal the name.  Free. 
I have a Letter too, and am content  
To do the same.  Court. 
reads. Sir, in sending you this Letter, I  
Proceed against the modesty of our Sex—  Free. 
'Sdeath, this gins just like my Letter.  Court. 
Do you read on then—  Free. 
reads. But let not the good opinion I have  
Conceived of you, make you too severe in your  
Censuring of me—  Court. 
Word for word.  Free. 
Now do you read again.  Court. 
reads. If you give yourself the trouble to be  
Walking in the new Spring-Garden this Evening, I  
Will meet you there, and tell you a secret, which  
I have reason to fear, because it comes to your  
Knowledge by my means, will you make you hate  
Your humble Servant.  Free. 
Verbatim my Letter, Heyday!  Court. 
Prithee let's compare the Hands.  They compare 'em. Free. 
'Sdeath, the Hand's the same.  Court. 
I hope the Name is not the same too—  Free. 
If it be, we are finely jilted, faith.  Court. 
I long to be undeceived; prithee do  
Thou show first, Freeman.  Free. 
No— but both together, if you will.  Court. 
Agreed.  Free. 
Ariana.  Court. 
Gatty— Ha', ha', ha'.  Free. 
The little Rogues are masculine in their  
Proceeeding, and have made one another  
Confidents in their Love.  Court. 
But I do not like this altogether so well,  
Frank; I wish they had appointed us several  
Places: for though 'tis evident they have  
Trusted one another with the bargain, no  
Woman ever seals before Witness.  Free. 
Prithee how didst thou escape the snares  
Of the old Devil this afternoon?  Court. 
With much ado; Sentry had set me; if her  
Ladyship had got me into her clutches, there  
Had been no getting off without a Rescue,  
Or paying down the money; for she  
Always arrests upon Execution.  Free. 
You made a handsome lie to her Woman.  Court. 
For all this, I know she's angry; for she  
Thinks nothing a just Excuse in these cases,  
Though it were to save the forfeit of a man's  
Estate, or reprieve the life of her own  
Natural Brother.  Free. 
Faith, thou hast not done altogether like  
A Gentleman with her; thou shouldst fast thy  
Self up to a stomach now and then, to oblige  
Her; if there were nothing in it, but the hearty  
Welcome, methinks 'twere enough to make thee  
Bear sometimes with the homeliness of the Fare.  Court. 
I know not what I might do in a Camp,  
Where there were no other Woman; but I shall  
Hardly in this Town, where there is such plenty,  
Forbear good meat, to get myself an  
Appetite to Horseflesh.  Free. 
This is rather an aversion in thee, than any  
Real fault in the Woman; if this lucky business  
Had not fallen out, I intended with your good  
Leave to have outbid you for her Ladyship's  
Favour.  Court. 
I should never have consented to that, Frank;  
Though I am a little resty at present, I am not such  
A Jade, but I should strain if another rid against  
Me; I have e'er now liked nothing in a Woman  
That I have loved at last in spite only,  
Because another had a mind to her.  Free. 
Yonder are a couple of Vizards tripping  
Towards us.  Court. 
'Tis they, i'faith.  Free. 
We need not divide, since they come together.  Court. 
I was a little afraid when we compared  
Letters, they had put a trick upon us; but now I  
Am confirmed they are mighty honest.  Enter Ariana and Gatty. Aria. 
We cannot avoid 'em.  Gat. 
Let us dissemble our knowledge of their  
Business a little, and then take 'em down in  
The height of their assurance.  Court. Free. 
Your Servant, Ladies'.  Aria. 
I perceive it is as impossible, Gentlemen,  
To walk without you, as without our shadows;  
Never were poor Women so haunted by the  
Ghosts of their self-murdered Lovers.  Gat. 
If it should be our good Fortunes to have  
You in Love with us, we will take care you  
Shall not grow desperate, and leave the  
World in an ill humour.  Aria. 
If you should, certainly your Ghosts  
Would be very malicious.  Court. 
'Twere pity you should have your Curtains  
Drawn in the dead of the night, and your pleasing  
Slumbers interrupted by any thing but flesh  
And blood, Ladies'.  Free. 
Shall we walk a turn?  Aria. 
By yourselves, if you please.  Gat. 
Our Company may put a constraint upon  
You; for I find you daily hover about these  
Gardens, as a Kite does about a backside,  
Watching an opportunity to catch up the Poultry.  Aria. 
Woe be to the Daughter or Wife of some  
Merchant-Taylor, or poor Feltmaker now;  
For you seldom row to Fox-hall without  
Some such Plot against the City.  Free. 
You wrong us, Ladies, our business has  
Happily succeeded, since we have the  
Honour to wait upon you.  Gat. 
You could not expect to see us here.  Court. 
Your true Lover, Madam, when he misses  
His Mistress, is as restless as a Spaniel that has  
Lost his Master; he ranges up and down  
The plays, the Park, and all the Gardens, and  
Never stays long, but where he has the  
Happiness to see her.  Gat. 
I suppose your Mistress, Mr. Courtall, is  
Always the last Woman you are acquainted with.  Court. 
Do not think, Madam, I have that false  
Measure of my acquaintance, which Poets have  
Of their Verses, always to think the last best,  
Though I esteem you so, in justice to your merit.  Gat. 
Or if you do not love her best, you always  
Love to talk of her most; as a barren Coxcomb  
That wants discourse, is ever entertaining  
Company out of the last Book he read in.  Court. 
Now you accuse me most unjustly, Madam;  
Who the Devil, that has common sense, will go a  
Birding with a Clack in his Cap?  Aria. 
Nay, we do not blame you, gentlemans,  
Every one in their way; a Huntsman talks of his  
Dogs, a Falconer of his Hawks▪ a Jockey of  
His Horse, and a Gallant of his Mistress.  Gat. 
Without the allowance of this Vanity, an  
Amour would soon grow as dull as Matrimony.  Court. 
Whatsoever you say, Ladies', I cannot  
Believe you think us men of such abominable  
Principles.  Free. 
For my part, I have ever held it as ingrateful  
To boast of the favours of a Mistress, as to deny  
The Courtesies of a Friend.  Court. 
A Friend that bravely ventures his life in▪  
The field to serve me, deserves but equally with▪  
A Mistress that kindly exposes her Honour to  
Oblige me, especially when she does it as▪  
Generously too, and with as little Ceremony.  Free. 
And I would no more betray the Honour  
Of such a Woman, than I would the life of a  
Man that should rob on purpose to supply me.  Gat. 
We believe you men of Honour, and know  
It is below you to talk of any Woman that deserves it.  Aria. 
You are so generous, you seldom insult▪  
After a Victory.  Gat. 
And so vain, that you always triumph  
Before it.  Court. 
'Sdeath! what's the meaning of all this?  Gat. 
Though you find us so kind, Mr. Courtall,  
Pray do not tell Mrs. Gazet to morrow, that  
We came hither on purpose this Evening▪  
To meet you.  Court. 
I would as soon print it, and fee a Fellow  
To post it up with the Play-bills.  Gat. 
You have reposed a great deal of confidence  
In her, for all you pretend this ill opinion  
Of her secrecy now.  Court. 
I never trusted her with the name of a  
Mistress, that I should be jealous of; if I saw her  
Receive fruit, and go out of the Playhouse  
with a Stranger.  Gat. 
For aught as I see, we are infinitely  
Obliged to you, Sir.  Court. 
'Tis impossible to be insensible of so  
Much goodness, Madam.  Gat. 
What goodness, pray, Sir?  Court. 
Come, come, give over this Raillery.  Gat. 
You are so ridiculously unworthy, that 'twere  
A folly to reprove you with a serious look.  Court. 
On my conscience, your heart gins to  
Fail you now we are coming to the point, as a  
Young Fellow's that was never in the field before.  Gat. 
You begin to amaze me.  Court. 
Since you yourself sent the challenge,  
You must not in Honour fly off now.  Gat. 
Challenge! Oh Heavens! this confirms  
All: were I a man, I would kill thee for the  
Injuries thou hast already done me.  Free. 
to Aria. Let not your suspicion of my  
Unkindness make you thus scrupulous; was ever  
City ill treated, that surrendered without Assault  
Or Summons?  Aria. 
Dear Sister, what ill Spirit brought us  
Hither? I never met with so much impudence  
In my life.  Court. 
aside. hay Jilts! they are as good at it  
Already, as the old one i'faith.  Free. 
Come, Ladies', you have exercised your  
Wit enough; you would not venture Letters  
Of such consequence for a jest only.  Gat. 
Letters! bless me, what will this come to?  Court. 
To that none of us shall have cause to  
Repent I hope, Madam.  Aria. 
Let us fly 'em, Sister, they are Devils,  
And not men, they could never be so  
Malicious else.  Enter Lady Cockwood and Sentry. La. Cock. 
Your Servant, Cousins.  Court. 
starting. Ho my Lady Cockwood! my ears  
Are grown an inch already.  Aria. 
My Lady! she'll think this an appointment,  
Sister.  Free. 
This is Madam Matchiavil, I suspect, Courtall.  Court. 
Nay, 'tis her Plot doubtless: now am I  
As much out of countenance, as I should be if Sir Oliver  
Should take me making bold with her Ladyship.  La. Cock. 
Do not let me discompose you,  
I can walk alone, Cousins.  Gat. 
Are you so uncharitable, Madam, to think  
We have any business with 'em?  Aria. 
It has been our ill Fortune to meet 'em  
Here, and nothing could be so lucky as your  
Coming, Madam, to free us from 'em.  Gat. 
They have abused us in the grossest manner.  Aria. 
Counterfeited Letters under our Hands.  La. Cock. 
Never trouble yourselves, Cousins, I  
Have heard this is a common practice with such  
Unworthy men: did they not threaten to divulge  
Them, and defame you to the World?  Gat. 
We cannot believe they intent any thing  
Less, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Doubtless, they had such a mean opinion  
Of your Wit and Honour, that they thought to  
Fright you to a base compliance with their  
Wicked purposes.  Aria. 
I hate the very sight of 'em.  Gat. 
I could almost wish myself a disease, to  
Breathe infection upon 'em.  Court. 
Very pretty! we have carried on our designs  
Very luckily against these young Ladies.  Free. 
We have lost their good opinion for ever.  La. Cock. 
I know not whether their folly or their  
Impudence be greater, they are not worth your▪  
Anger, they are only fit to be laughed at, and despised.  Cour. 
A very fine old Devil this!  La. Cock. 
Mr. Freeman, this is not like a Gentleman,  
To affront a couple of young Ladies thus; but I  
Cannot blame you so much, you are in a manner a  
Stranger to our Family: but I wonder how that  
Base man can look me in the face, considering  
How civilly he has been treated at our house.  Court. 
The truth is, Madam, I am a Rascal; but I  
Fear you have contributed to the making me so:  
Be not as unmerciful as the Devil is to a poor sinner.  Sent. 
Did you ever see the like? never trust  
Me, if he has not the confidence to make my  
Virtuous Lady accessary to his wickedness.  La. Cock. 
Ay Sentry! 'tis a miracle if my Honour  
Escapes, considering the access which his greatness  
With Sir Oliver has given him daily to me.  Free. 
Faith, Ladies, we did not counterfeit these  
Letters, we are abused as well as you.  Court. 
I received mine from a Porter at the King's  
Playhouse, and I will show it you, that you may  
See if you know the Hand.  La. Cock. 
Sentry, are you sure they never saw  
Any of your Writing?  Court. 
'Sdeath! I am so discomposed, I know  
Not where I have put it.  Sent. 
Oh Madam! now I remember myself,  
Mrs. Gatty helped me once to indite a Letter  
To my Sweetheart.  La. Cock. 
Forgetful Wench! then I am undone.  Court. 
Oh here it is— hay, who's here?  As he has the Letter in hand, enter Sir Joslin, Sir Oliver, and Rakehell, all drunk, with Music. They sing. 

She's no Mistress of mine  
That drinks not her Wine,  
Or frowns at my friends drinking motions;  
If my Heart thou wouldst gain,  
Drink thy Bottle of Champagne.  
'Twill serve thee for Paint and Love-potions.   Sir Oliv. 
Who's here? Courtall, in my Lady's  
Company! I'll dispatch him presently;  
Help me, Brother jolly.  He draws. La. Cock. 
For Heaven's sake, Sir Oliver!  Courtall 
drawing. What do you mean, Sir?  Sir Oliv. 
I'll teach you more manners, then  
To make your attempts on my Lady, Sir.  La. Cock. 
& Sent. Oh! Murder! Murder!  They shriek. La. Cock. 
Save my dear Sir Oliver, Oh my  
Dear Sir Oliver!  The young Lady's shriek and run out, they all draw to part 'em, they fight off the Stage, she shrieks and runs out.   

ACT V.  

SCENE I.  
Sir Oliver's Dining-Room.  Enter Lady Cockwood, Table, and Carpet. La. Cock. 
I Did not think he had been so desperate in  
His Drink; if they had killed one another,  
I had then been revenged, and freed from all my  
Fears— Sentry, your carelessness and  Enter Sentry. 
Forgetfulness some time or other will undo me;  
Had not Sir Oliver and Sir joslin came so luckily  
Into the Garden, the Letters had been discovered,  
And my Honour left to the mercy of a false man,  
And two young fleering Girls: did you speak  
To Mr. Freeman unperceived in the Hurry?  Sent. 
I did, Madam, and he promised me to disengag  
Himself as soon as possibly he could, and wait  
Upon your Ladyship with all secrecy.  La. Cock. 
I have some reason to believe him  
A man of Honour.  Sent. 
Methinks indeed his very look, Madam,  
Speaks him to be much more a Gentleman  
Then Mr. Courtall; but I was unwilling before  
Now to let your Ladyship know my opinion, for  
Fear of offending your inclinations.  La. Cock. 
I hope by his means to get these Letters  
Into my own hands, and so prevent the inconveniencies  
They may bring upon my Honour.  Sent. 
I wonder, Madam, what should be Sir  
Oliver's Quarrel to Mr. Courtall.  La. Cock. 
You know how apt he is to be suspicious  
In his Drink; 'tis very likely he thought Mr. Courtall  
Betrayed him at the Bear to day.  Sent. 
Pray Heaven he be not jealous of your  
Ladyship, finding you abroad so unexpectedly; if  
He be, we shall have a sad hand of him when he  
Comes home, Madam.  La. Cock. 
I should have apprehended it much  
Myself, Sentry, if his drunkenness had not unadvisedly  
Engaged him in his quarrel; as soon as he grows a  
Little sober, I am sure his fear will bring him  
Home, and make him apply himself to me with  
All humility and kindness; for he is ever under▪  
Hand fain to use my interest and discretion to  
Make friends to compound these businesses,  
Or to get an order for the securing his  
Person and his Honour.  Sent. 
I believe verily, Mr. Courtall would have  
Been so rude to have killed him, if Mr. Freeman and  
The rest had not civilly interposed their Weapons.  La. Cock. 
Heavens forbidden! though he be a wicked  
Man, I am obliged in Duty to love him: whither  
Did my Cousins go after we came home, Sentry?  Sent. 
They are at the next door, Madam,  
Laughing and playing at Lantre-lou, with my old  
Lady Love-youth and her Daughters.  La. Cock. 
I hope they will not come home then  
To interrupt my affairs with Mr. Freeman:  Knocking without. 
Hark! some body knocks, it may be him,  
Run down quickly.  Sent. 
I fly, Madam.  Exit Sentry. La. Cock. 
Now if he has a real inclination for my  
Person, I'll give him a handsome opportunity  
To reveal it.  Enter Sentry and Freeman. Free. 
Your Servant, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Oh Mr. Freeman! this unlucky accident  
Has robbed me of all my quiet; I am almost distracted  
With thinking of the danger Sir Oliver's dear  
Life is in.  Free. 
You need not fear, Madam, all things will  
Be reconciled again to morrow.  Sent. 
You would not blame my Lady's  
Apprehensions, did you but know the  
Tenderness of her affections.  La. Cock. 
Mr. Courtall is a false and merciless man.  Free. 
He has always owned a great respect for  
Your Ladyship, and I never heard him mention  
You with the least dishonour.  La. Cock. 
He cannot without injuring the Truth,  
Heaven knows my innocence: I hope you did  
Not let him know, Sir, of your coming hither.  Free. 
I should never merit the happiness to wait  
Upon you again, had I so abused this extraordinary  
Favour, Madam.  La. Cock. 
If I have done any thing unbeseeming  
My Honour, I hope you will be just, Sir, and  
Impute it to my fear; I know no man so proper  
To compose this unfortunate difference as  
Yourself, and if a Lady's tears and prayers  
Have power to move you to compassion, I  
Know you will employ your utmost endeavour  
To preserve me, my dear Sir Oliver.  Free. 
Do not, Madam, afflict yourself so much,  
I dare engage my life, his Life and Honour shall  
Be both secure.  La. Cock. 
You are truly noble, Sir; I was so  
Distracted with my fears, that I cannot well  
Remember how we parted at the Spring-Garden.  Free. 
We all divided, Madam: after your Ladyship  
And the young Ladies were gone together, Sir  
Oliver, Sir joslin, and the Company with them,  
Took one Boat, and Mr. Courtall and I another.  La. Cock. 
Then I need not apprehend their  
Meeting again to night.  Free. 
You need not, Madam; I left Mr. Courtall in  
His Chamber, wondering what should make  
Sir Oliver draw upon him, and fretting and  
Fuming about the Trick that was put upon  
Us with the Letters to day.  La. Cock. 
Oh! I had almost forgot myself; I  
Assure you, Sir, those Letters were sent by one  
That has no inclination to be an enemy of yours.  Knocking below. 
Some body knocks.  Exit Sentry. 
If it be Sir Oliver, I am undone, he will hate me  
Mortally, if he does but suspect I use any secret  
Means to hinder him from justifying his  
Reputation honourably to the World.  Enter Sentry. Sent. 
Oh Madam! here is Mr. Courtall below in  
The Entry, discharging a Coachman; I told  
Him your Ladyship was busy, but he would  
Not hear me, and I find, do what I can,  
He will come up.  La. Cock. 
I would not willingly suspect you, Sir.  Free. 
I have deceived him, Madam, in my coming  
Hither, and am as unwilling he should find me  
Here, as you can be.  La. Cock. 
He will not believe my innocent business  
With you, but will raise a new Scandal on my  
Honour, and publish it to the whole Town.  Sent. 
Let him step into the Closet, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Quick, Sir, quick, I beseech you, I will  
Send him away again immediately.  Enter Courtall. La. Cock. 
Mr. Courtall! have you no sense of▪  
Honour nor modesty left? after so many injuries,  
To come into our House, and without my  
Approbation rudely press upon my  
Retirement thus?  Court. 
Pray, Madam, hear my business.  La. Cock. 
Thy business is maliciously to pursue  
My ruin; thou comest with a base design to have  
Sir Oliver catch thee here, and destroy the  
Only happiness I have.  Court. 
I come, Madam, to beg your pardon for  
The fault I did unwillingly commit, and to know  
Of you the reason of Sir Oliver's Quarrel to me.  La. Cock. 
Thy guilty conscience is able to tell  
Thee that, vain and ungrateful man!  Court. 
I am innocent, Madam, of all things that  
May offend him; and I am sure, if you would  
But hear me, I should remove the Justice  
Of your Quarrel too.  La. Cock. 
You are mistaken, Sir, if you think  
I am concerned for your going to the Spring-Garden  
This Evening; My Quarrel is the same with  
Sir Oliver, and is so just, that thou deserv'st to  
Be poisoned for what thou hast done.  Court. 
Pray, Madam, let me know my fault.  La. Cock. 
I blush to think upon't: Sir Oliver, since  
We came from the Bear, has heard something  
Thou hast said concerning me; but what it is,  
I could not get him to discover: he told me 'twas  
Enough for me to know he was satisfied of  
My innocence.  Court. 
This is mere passion, Madam.  La. Cock. 
This is the usual revenge of such base  
Men as thou art, when they cannot compass  
Their ends, with their venomous tongues  
To blast the Honour of a Lady.  Court. 
This is a sudden alteration, Madam; within  
These few hours you had a kinder opinion of me.  La. Cock. 
'Tis no wonder you brag of favours  
Behind my back, that have the impudence to  
Upbraid me with kindness to my face; dost  
Thou think I could ever have a good thought of  
Thee, whom I have always found so treacherous  
In thy friendship to Sir Oliver?  Knock at the door. Enter Sentry. Sent. 
Oh Madam! here is Sir Oliver come home.  La. Cock. 
O Heavens! I shall be believed guilty  
Now, and he will kill us both.  He draws. Court. 
I warrant you, Madam, I'll defend your life.  La. Cock. 
Oh! there will be Murder, Murder;  
For Heaven's sake, Sir, hid yourself in some  
Corner or other.  Court. 
I'll step into that Closet, Madam.  Sent. 
Hold, hold, Sir, by no means; his Pipes  
And his Tobacco-box lie there, and he  
Always goes in to fetch 'em.  La. Cock. 
Your malice will soon be at an end:  
Heaven knows what will be the fatal consequence  
Of your being found here.  Sent. 
Madam, let him creep under the Table,  
The Carpet is long enough to hid him.  La. Cock. 
Have you good Nature enough to  
Save the Life and Reputation of a Lady?  Court. 
Any thing to oblige you, Madam.  He goes under the Table. La. Cock. 
running to the Closet. Be sure you do not stir, Sir,  
Whatsoever happens.  Court. 
Not unless he pulls me out by the Ears.  Sent. 
Good! he thinks my Lady speaks to him.  Enter Sir Oliver. La. Cock. 
My dear Sir Oliver—  Sir Oliv. 
I am unworthy of this kindness, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Nay, I intent to chide you for your▪  
Naughtiness anon; but I cannot choose but hug,  
Thee, and kiss thee a little first; I was afraid.  
I should never have had thee alive within▪  
These arms again.  Sir Oliv. 
Your goodness does so increase my  
Shame, I know not what to say, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Well, I am glad I have thee safe at  
Home, I will lock thee up above in my Chamber,  
And will not so much as trust thee down stairs,  
Till there be an end of this quarrel.  Sir Oliv. 
I was so little myself, I knew not what  
I did, else I had not exposed my person to so  
Much danger before thy face.  Sent. 
'Twas cruelly done, Sir, knowing the kill  
Concerns my Lady has for you.  La. Cock. 
If Mr. Courtall had killed thee, I was  
Resolved not to survive thee; but before I had  
Died, I would have dearly revenged thy Murder.  Sir Oliv. 
As soon as I had recollected myself a  
Little, I could not rest till I came home to give thee  
This satisfaction, that I will do nothing without  
Thy advice and approbation, my Dear: I know  
Thy Love makes thy life depend upon mine,  
And it is unreasonable I should upon my own  
Rash head hazard that, though it be for the  
Justification of thy Honour.  
Uds me I have let fall a China-Orange that  
Was recommended to me for one of the best  
That came over this year; 'Slife light the Candle,  
Sentry, 'tis run under the Table.  Knock. La. Cock. 
Oh, I am not well!  Sentry takes up the Candle, there is a great knocking at the door, she runs away with the Candle. Sent. 
Oh Heaven! who's that that knocks  
So hastily?  Sir Oliv. 
Why, Sentry! bring back the Candle;  
Are you mad to leave us in the dark, and your  
Lady not well? how is it, my Dear?  La. Cock. 
For Heaven's sake run after her, Sir Oliver,  
Snatch the Candle out of her hand, and teach  
Her more manners.  Sir Oliv. 
I will, my Dear.  La. Cock. 
What shall I do? was ever Woman  
So unfortunate in the management of affairs!  Court. 
What will become of me now?  La. Cock. 
It must be so, I had better trust my  
Honour to the mercy of them two, then be  
Betrayed to my Husband: Mr. Courtall, give  
Me your hand quickly, I beseech you.  Court. 
Here, here, Madam, what's to be done now?  La. Cock. 
I will put you into the Closet, Sir.  Court. 
He'll be coming in for his Tobacco-box  
And Pipes.  La. Cock. 
Never fear that, Sir.  Freeman out of the Closet door. 
Now shall I be discovered; pox  
On your honourable intrigue,  
Would I were safe at Giffords'.  La. Cock. 
Here, here, Sir, this is the door,  
Whatsoever you feel, be not frighted; for  
Should you make the least disturbance,  
You will destroy the life, and what is more,  
The Honour of an unfortunate Lady.  Court. 
So, so, if you have occasion to remove  
Again, make no Ceremony, Madam.  Enter Sir Oliver, Sentry, Ariana, Gatty. Sir Oliv. 
Here is the Candle, how dost thou,  
My Dear?  La. Cock. 
I could not imagine, Sentry, you had  
Been so ill bred, to run away, and leave your  
Master and me in the dark.  Sent. 
I thought there had been another Candle  
Upon the Table, Madam.  La. Cock. 
Good! you thought! you are always  
Excusing of your carelessness; such another  
Misdemeanour—  Sir Oliv. 
Prithee, my Dear, forgive her.  La. Cock. 
The truth is, I ought not to be very  
Angry with her at present, 'tis a good natured  
Creature; she was so frighted, for fear of  
Thy being mischiefed in the Spring-Garden,  
That I verily believe she scarce knows  
What she does yet.  Sir Oliv. 
Light the Candle, Sentry, that I  
May look for my Orange.  La. Cock. 
You have been at my Lady Love-youths,  
Cousins, I hear.  Aria. 
We have, Madam.  Gat. 
She charged us to remember her Service to you.  Sir Oliv. 
So, here it is, my Dear, I brought it  
Home on purpose for thee.  La. Cock. 
'Tis a lovely Orange indeed! thank you,  
My Dear; I am so discomposed with the fright  
I have had, that I would fain be at rest.  Sir Oliv. 
Get a Candle, Sentry; will you go  
To bed, my Dear?  La. Cock. 
With all my heart, Sir Oliver: 'tis late,  
Cousins, you had best retire to your Chamber too.  Gat. 
We shall not stay long here, Madam.  Sir Oliv. 
Come, my Dear.  La. Cock. 
Good night, Cousins.  Gat. and Aria. 
Your Servant, Madam.  Exeunt Sir Oliver, Lady Cockwood, and Sentry. Aria. 
I cannot but think of those Letters, Sister.  Gat. 
That is, you cannot but think of Mr. Freeman,  
Sister; I perceive he runs in thy head as much as  
A new Gown uses to do in the Country, the  
Night before 'tis expected from London.  Aria. 
You need not talk, for I am sure the losses  
Of an unlucky Gamester are not more his  
Meditation, than Mr. Courtall is yours.  Gat. 
He has made some slight impression on my  
Memory, I confess; but I hope a night will  
Wear him out again, as it does the noise  
Of a Fiddle after Dancing.  Aria. 
Love, like some stains, will wear out of it  
Self, I know, but not in such a little time as  
You talk of, Sister.  Gat. 
It cannot last longer than the stain of a  
Mulberry at most; the next season out that goes,  
And my heart cannot be long unfruitful, sure.  Aria. 
Well, I cannot believe they forged these  
Letters; what should be their end?  Gat. 
That you may easily guests at; but methinks  
They took a very improper way to compass it.  Aria. 
It looks more like the malice or Jealousy  
Of a Woman, than the design of two witty men.  Gat. 
If this should prove a Fetch of her Ladyships  
Now, that is a playing the loving Hypocrite  
Above with her dear Sir Oliver.  Aria. 
How unluckily we were interrupted, when  
They were going to show us the hand!  Gat. 
That might have discovered all: I have a  
Small suspicion, that there has been a little  
Familiarity between her Ladyship and  
Mr. Courtall.  Aria. 
Our finding of 'em together in the Exchange,  
And several passages I observed at the Bear, have  
Almost made me of the same opinion.  Gat. 
Yet I would fain believe the countinuance  
Of it is more her desire, than his inclination:  
That which makes me mistrust him most, is her  
Knowing we made 'em an appointment.  Aria. 
If she were jealous of Mr. Courtall, she  
Would not be jealous of Mr. Freeman too; they  
Both pretend to have received Letters.  Gat. 
There is something in it more than we are  
Able to imagine; time will make it out, I hope,  
To the advantage of the Gentlemen.  Aria. 
I would gladly have it so; for I believe,  
Should they give us a just cause, we should find it  
A hard task to hate them.  Gat. 
How I love the Song I learned t'other day,  
Since I saw them in the Mulberry-Garden!  She sings. 

To little or no purpose I spent many days,  
In ranging the Park, th' Exchange, and th' Plays;  
For ne're in my rambles till now did I prove  
So lucky to meet with the man I could love.  
Oh! how I am pleased when I think on this man,  
That I find I must love, let me do what I can!   

2.  
How long I shall love him, I can no more tell,  
Then had I a Fever, when I should be well.  
My passion shall kill me before I will show it,  
And yet I would give all the world he did know it;  
But oh how I sigh, when I think should he woe me,  
I cannot deny what I know would undo me!   Aria. 
Fie, Sister, thou art so wanton.  Gat. 
I hate to dissemble when I need not;  
'Twould look as affected in us to be reserved  
Now we're alone, as for a Player to maintain  
The Character she acts in the Tyring-room.  Aria. 
Prithee sing a good Song.  Gat. 
Now art thou for a melancholy Madrigal,  
Composed by some amorous Coxcomb, who  
Swears in all Companies he loves his Mistress  
So well, that he would not do her the injury,  
Were she willing to grant him the favour,  
And it may be is Sot enough to believe he  
Would oblige her in keeping his Oath too.  Aria. 
Well, I will reach thee thy Guitar out of  
The Closet, to take thee off of this subject.  Gat. 
I'd rather be a Nun, than a Lover at  
Thy rate; devotion is not able to make  
Me half so serious as Love has made  
Thee already.  Aria. opens the Closet, Court. and Free. come out. Court. 
Ha', Freeman! is this your business  
With a Lawyer? here's a new discovery, i'faith!  They shriek and run out. Free. 
Peace, man, I will satisfy your Jealousy  
Hereafter; since we have made this lucky  
Discovery, let us mind the present businesses.  Court. and Free. catch the Ladies, and bring them back. Court. 
Nay, Ladies, now we have caught you,  
There is no escaping till we're come to a right  
Understanding.  Enter Lady Cock. and Sir Oliv. and Sentry. Free. 
Come, never blush, we are as loving as  
You can be for your hearts, I assure you.  Court. 
Had it not been our good Fortunes to  
Have been concealed here, you would have  
Had ill Nature enough to dissemble with  
Us at least a fortnight longer.  La. Cock. 
What's the matter with you here?  
Are you mad, Cousins? bless me, Mr. Courtall  
And Mr. Freeman in our house at these  
Unseasonable hours?  Sir Oliv. 
Fetch me down my long Sword, Sentry,  
I lay my life Courtall has been tempting the  
Honour of the young Ladies.  La. Cock. 
Oh my Dear!  She holds him. Gat. 
We are almost scared out of our wits;  
My Sister went to reach my Guitar out of the  
Closet, and found 'em both shut up there.  La. Cock. 
Come, come, this will not serve your  
Turn; I am afraid you had a design secretly  
To convey 'em into your Chamber: well,  
I will have no more of these do in my  
Family, my Dear; Sir joslin shall remove  
These Girls to morrow.  Free. 
You injure the young Ladies, Madam;  
Their surprise shows their innocence.  Court. 
If any body be to blame, it is Mrs. Sentry.  Sent. 
What mean you, Sir? Heaven knows  
I know no more of their being here—  Court. 
Nay▪ nay, Mrs. Sentry, you need not  
Be ashamed to own the doing of a couple of  
Young Gentlemen such a good office.  Sent. 
Do not think to put your tricks upon me, Sir.  Court. 
Understanding by Mrs. Sentry, Madam,  
That these young Ladies would very likely  
Sat and talk in the Dining-room an hour before  
They went to bed, of the accidents of the  
Day, and being impatient to know whether  
That unlucky business which happened in  
The Spring-Garden, about the Letters, had  
Quite destroyed our hopes of gaining their  
Esteem; for a small sum of money Mr. Freeman  
And I obtained the favour of her to shut us  
Up where we might overhear 'em.  La. Cock. 
Is this the truth, Sentry?  Sent. 
I humbly beg your pardon, Madam.  La. Cock. 
A Lady's Honour is not safe, that keeps  
A Servant so subject to corruption; I will turn  
Her out of my Service for this.  Aside. Sir Oliv. 
Good! I was suspicious their businesses  
Had been with my Lady at first.  La. Cock. 
Now will I be in Charity with him▪  
Again, for putting this off so handsomely.  Sir Oliv. 
Hark you my Dear, shall I forbidden  
Mr. Courtall my house?  La. Cock. 
Oh! by no means, my Dear; I had  
Forgot to tell thee, since I acquainted thee with  
That business, I have been discoursing with my  
Lady Love-youth, and she blamed me infinitely  
For letting thee know it, and laughed exceedingly  
At me, believing Mr. Courtall intended thee  
No injury, and told me 'twas only a harmless  
Gallantry, which his French breeding  
Has used him to.  Sir Oliv. 
Faith, I am apt enough to believe it;  
For on my conscience, he is a very honest Fellow.  
Ned Courtall! how the Devil came it about  
That thee and I fell to Sa, Sa, in the  
Spring-Garden?  Court. 
You are best able to resolve your  
Self that, Sir Oliver.  Sir Oliv. 
Well, the Devil take me, if I had the  
Least unkindness for thee— prithee let us  
Embrace and kiss, and be as good Friends  
As ever we were, dear Rogue.  Court. 
I am so reasonable, Sir Oliver, that I will  
Ask no other satisfaction for the injury you have  
Done me.  Free. 
Here's the Letter, Madam.  Aria. 
Sister, look here, do you know this hand?  Gat. 
'Tis Sentry's.  La. Cock. 
Oh Heavens! I shall be ruined yet.  Gat. 
She has been the Contriver of all this mischief.  Court. 
Nay, now you lay too much to her charge  
In this; she was but my Lady's Secretary, I  
Assure you, she has discovered the whole  
Plot to us.  Sent. 
What does he mean?  La. Cock. 
Will he betray me at last?  Court. 
My Lady being in her Nature severely  
Virtuous, is, it seems, offended at the innocent  
Freedom you take in rambling up and down  
By yourselves; which made her, out of a  
Tenderness to your Reputations, sergeant  
These Letters, in hopes to fright you to that  
Reservedness which she approves of.  La. Cock. 
This has almost redeemed my opinion  
Of his Honour.  Aside. 
Cousins, the little regard you had to the good  
Counsel I gave you, puts me upon this  
Business.  Gat. 
Pray, Madam, what was it Mrs. Gazet  
Told you concerning us?  La. Cock. 
Nothing, nothing, Cousins: what I told  
You of Mr. Courtall, was mere invention, the  
Better to carry on my design for your good.  Court. 
Freeman! pray what brought you hither?  Free. 
A kind Summons from her Ladyship.  Court. 
Why did you conceal it from me?  Free. 
I was afraid thy peevish Jealousy might  
Have destroyed the design I had of getting an  
Opportunity to clear ourselves to the  
Young Ladies.  Court. 
Fortune has been our friend in that  
Beyond expectation.  To the Ladies. 
I hope, Ladies, you are satisfied  
Of our innocence now.  Gat. 
Well, had you been found guilty of the  
Letters, we were resolved to have counterfeited  
Two Contracts under your hands, and have  
Suborned Witnesses to swear 'em.  Aria. 
That had been a full revenge; for I know  
You would think it as great a Scandal to be  
Thought to have an inclination for Marriage,  
As we should to be believed willing to take  
Our freedom without it.  Court. 
The more probable thing, Ladies, had  
Been only to pretend a Promise; we have  
Now and then courage enough to venture so far  
For a valuable consideration.  Gat. 
The truth is, such experienced Gentlemen  
As you are, seldom mortgage your persons  
Without it be to redeem your Estates.  Court. 
'Tis a mercy we have 'scap'd the mischief  
So long, and are like to do Penance only for  
Our own sins; most Families are a Wedding  
Behind hand in the World, which makes  
So many young men fooled into Wives, to pay  
Their Father's Debts: all the happiness a  
Gentleman can desire, is to live at liberty,  
Till he be forced that way to pay his own.  Free. 
Ladies, you know we are not ignorant  
Of the good Intentions you have towards  
Us; pray let us treat a little.  Gat. 
I hope you are not in so desperate a  
Condition, as to have a good opinion of  
Marriage, are you?  Aria. 
'Tis to as little purpose to treat with us  
Of any thing under that, as it is for those kind  
Ladies, that have obliged you with a valuable  
Consideration, to challenge the performance  
Of your promise.  Sir Oliv. 
Well, and how, and how, my dear Ned,  
Goes the business between you and these Ladies?  
Are you like to drive a Bargain?  Court. 
Faith, Sir Oliver, we are about it.  Sir Oliv. 
And cannot agree, I warrant you; they  
Are for having you take a Lease for life, and you are  
For being Tenants at Will, Ned, is it not so?  Gat. 
These Gentlemen have found it so convenient  
Lying in Lodgings, they'll hardly venture on the  
Trouble of taking a House of their own.  Court. 
A pretty Countryseat, Madam, with a  
Handsome parcel of Land, and other necessaries  
Belonging to't, may tempt us; but for a Town▪  
Tenement that has but one poor conveniency,  
We are resolved we'll never deal.  A noise of Music without. Sir Oliv. 
Hark! my Brother Iolly's come home.  Aria. 
Now, Gentlemen, you had best look to  
Yourselves, and come to an agreement with us  
Quickly; for I'll lay my life, my Uncle has  
Brought home a couple of fresh Chapmen,  
That will outbid you.  Enter Sir Joslin with Music. Sir jos. 
hay Boys!  Dance. Sings. 

A Catch and a Glass,  
A Fiddle and a Lass,  
What more would an honest man have?  
Hang your temperate Sot,  
Who would seem what he's not;  
'Tis I am wise, he's but grave.   Sir jos. 
What's here? Mr. Courtall and Mr. Freeman!  Sir Oliv. 
Oh man! here has been the prettiest,  
The luckiest discovery on all sides! we are  
All good Friends again.  Sir jos. 
Hark you Brother Cockwood, I have got  
Madam Rampant; Rakehell and she are without.  Sir Oliv. 
Oh Heavens! dear Brother jolly, send  
Her away immediately, my Lady has such an aversion  
To a naughty Woman, that she will swoon if  
She does but see her.  Sir jos. 
Faith, I was hard put to't, I wanted a  
Lover, and rather than I would break my old  
Want, I dressed up Rampant in a Suit I bought  Enter Rakehell. 
Of Rakehell; but since this good Company's here,  
I'll send her away. My little Rakehell, come  
Hither; you see here are two powerful Rivals;  
Therefore for fear of kicking, or a worse disaster,  
Take Rampant with you, and be going quickly.  Rake. 
Your humble Servant, Sir.  Ex. Rakehell and Rampant. Court. 
You may hereafter spare yourself this  
Labour, Sir joslin; Mr. Freeman and I have vowed  
Ourselves humble Servants to these Ladies.  Free. 
I hope we shall have your approbation, Sir.  Sir jos. 
Nay, if you have a mind to commit  
Matrimony, I'll send for a Canonical Sir shall  
Dispatch you presently.  Free. 
You cannot do better.  Court. 
What think you of taking us in the humour?  
Consideration may be your Foe, Ladies.  Aria. 
Come, gentlemans, I'll make you a fair  
Proposition; since you have made a discovery  
Of our inclinations, my Sister and I will be content  
To admit you in the quality of Servants.  Gat. 
And if after a month's experience of your  
Good behaviour, upon serious thoughts, you have  
Courage enough to engage further, we will accept  
Of the Challenge, and believe you men of Honour.  Sir jos. 
Well spoke i'faith, Girls; and is it  
A match, Boys?  Court. 
If the heart of man be not very deceitful,  
'Tis very likely it may be so.  Free. 
A month is a tedious time, and will be a  
Dangerous trial of our resolutions; but I  
Hope we shall not repent before Marriage,  
whate'er we do after.  Sir jos. 
How stand matters between you and  
Your Lady, Brother Cockwood? is there  
Peace on all sides?  Sir Oliv. 
Perfect concord, man: I will tell  
Thee all that has happened since I parted from  
Thee, when we are alone, 'twill make thee laugh  
Hearty. Never man was so happy in a  
Virtuous and a loving Lady!  Sir jos. 
Though I have led Sir Oliver astray  
This day or two, I hope you will not exclude me  
The Act of Oblivion, Madam.  La. Cock. 
The nigh Relation I have to you,  
And the Respect I know Sir Oliver has for you,  
Makes me forget all that has passed, Sir; but pray  
Be not the occasion of any new transgressions.  Sent. 
I hope, Mr. Courtall, since my endeavours  
To serve you, have ruined me in the opinion of  
My Lady, you will intercede for a reconciliation.  Court. 
Most willingly, Mrs. Sentry— faith, Madam,  
Since things have fallen out so luckily, you must  
Needs receive your Woman into favour again.  La. Cock. 
Her Crime is unpardonable, Sir.  Sent. 
Upon solemn protestations, Madam, that  
The gentlemen's intentions were honourable,  
And having reason to believe the young Ladies  
Had no aversion to their inclinations, I was  
Of opinion I should have been ill natured, if I  
Had not assisted 'em in the removing those  
Difficulties that delayed their happiness.  Sir Oliv. 
Come, come, Girl, confess how many  
Guinnys prevailed upon your easy Nature.  Sent. 
Ten, an't please you, Sir.  Sir Oliv. 
'Slife, a sum able to corrupt an honest  
Man in Office! faith you must forgive her,  
My Dear.  La. Cock. 
If it be your pleasure, Sir Oliver,  
I cannot but be obedient.  Sent. 
If Sir Oliver, Madam, should ask me to  
See this Gold, all may be discovered yet.  La. Cock. 
If he does, I will give thee ten  
Guinnys out of my Cabinet.  Sent. 
I shall take care to put him upon't;  
'Tis fit, that I who have boar all the blame,  
Should have some reasonable reward for't.  Court. 
I hope, Madam, you will not envy me  
The happiness I am to enjoy with your  
Fair Relation  La. Cock. 
Your ingenuity and goodness, Sir,  
Have made a perfect atonement for you.  Court. 
Pray, Madam, what was your business  
With Mr. Freeman?  La. Cock. 
Only to oblige him to endeavour a  
Reconciliation between you and Sir Oliver;  
For though I was resolved never to see your  
Face again, it was death to me to think  
Your life was in danger.  Sent. 
What a miraculous come off is this▪  
Madam!  La. Cock. 
It has made me so truly sensible of  
Those dangers to which an aspiring Lady  
Must daily expose her Honour, that I am  
Resolved to give over the great business of  
This Town, and hereafter modestly  
Confine myself to the humble Affairs  
Of my own Family.  Court. 
'Tis a very pious resolution, Madam,  
And the better to confirm you in it, pray  
Entertain an able Chaplain.  La. Cock. 
Certainly Fortune was never before  
So unkind to the Ambition of a Lady.  Sir jos. 
Come, Boy's, faith we will have a  
Dance before we go to bed— Sly-girl and  
Madcap, give me your hands, that I may  
Give 'em to these Gentlemen, a Parson shall  
Join you e'er long, and then you will have  
Authority to dance to some purpose: Brother  
Cockwood, take out your Lady, I am for Mrs. Sentry.  

We'll foot it and side it, my pretty little Miss,  
And when we are weary, we'll lie down and kiss.   
Play away, Boy's.  They dance. Court. 
to Gatty. Now shall I sleep as little  
Without you, as I should do with you:  
Madam, expectation makes me almost  
As restless as Jealousy.  Free. 
Faith, let us dispatch this business;  
Yet I never could find the pleasure of waiting▪  
For a Dish of Meat, when a man was hearty  
Hungry.  Gat. 
Marrying in this heat would look as ill  
As fight in your Drink.  Aria. 
And be no more a proof of Love,  
Then t'other is of Valour.  Sir jos. 
Never trouble your heads further;  
Since I perceive you are all agreed on the  
Matter, let me alone to hasten the Ceremony:  
Come, gentlemans, lead 'em to their Chambers;  
Brother Cockwood, do you show the way  
With your Lady.  
Ha' Mrs. Sentry!  Sings. 

I gave my Love a Green-gown  
I'th' merry month of May,  
And down she fell as wantonly,  
As a Tumbler does at Play.   
hay Boys, lead away Boy's.  Sir Oliv. 
Give me thy hand, my Virtuous, my Dear;  
Henceforwards may our mutual Love's increase,  
And when we are a bed, we'll sign the Peace.  Exeunt omnes. 
FINIS.