TYRANNUS Or the MODE: IN A DISCOURSE OF SUMPTUARY LAW.  
Nec affectatae sordes, nec exquisitae munditiae.  
LONDON, Printed for G. Bedel, and T. Collins, at the Middle-Temple Gate, and I. Crook at the Ship in St. Paul's Churchyard. 1661.   

To Him that Reads.  
IF that be true which Demosthenes said, that Constancy is the sum of all perfection, and that what is really good springs from integral causes; all that aspire to this Virtue should embrace whatever may contribute to it. I have in this gentle satire prepared you something to smile, something to frown at; if the Balance fall even I am satisfied: shall I tell you ingenuously? I have sometime (for Relaxation sake) indulged myself the liberty of a Prevaricator, and amongst other impertinencies, to pass away the time, collected certain Essays together, of which I once intended a Volume. This amongst the rest lay upmost; and if I now put it into your hands, 'tis because I think it not unseasonable: I will not reproach the French for their fruitful Invention, or any thing that is commendable, but 'tis well known, who those Gavaches are, which would impose upon all the World beside; and I have frequently wondered that a Nation so well conceited of themselves, as I take our Countrymen to be, should so generally submit to the Mode of another, of whom they speak with so little kindness. That the Monsieurs have universally gotten the Ascendent over other parts of Europe, is imputable to their late Conquests; but that only their greatest vanity should domineer over Us, speaks us strangely tame. For my own part, though I love the French well (and have many reasons for it) yet I would be glad to pay my respects in any thing rather than my Clothes, because I conceive it so great diminution to our Native Country, and to the discretion of it. His Majesty speaks French, not so much to gratify the Nation, as because he has Title to it: For though Lewis the XIIII. be the French King; CHARLES' the TWO is King of France; and I shall not despair to see the day when he shall give his Vassals there the Edict for their Apparel, and not suffer his Subjects here to receive the Law from them. If this give you offence, I can commute, and upon some other occasion, say as much to their advantage: in the interim my pardon will be my zeal and my loyalty; but if you think it wiser to need none, then to ask it, I embrace the sentence, but beg time to practise it; especially when I presume thus upon your patience, who profess myself to be so much  
Your humble Servant I. E.   

TYRANNUS, OR THE MODE.  
'TWas a witty expression of Malvezzi; i vestimenti negli Animali sono molto sicuri segni della loro natura, negli Huomini del lor cervello ● Garments (says he) in Animals, are infallible signs of their Nature; in Men of their Understanding. Though I would not judge of the Monk by the Hood he wears; or celebrate the humour of julian's Cou●t where the Philosophy Mantle made all his Officers appear like so many Conjurers; 'tis worth the observing yet, that the People of Rome, left off the Toga, an Ancient and Noble Garment with their power, and that the Vicissitude of their Habit was little better than a Presage of that of their Fortune. For the Military Saga differencing them little from their Slaves, was no small indication of the declining of their Courage, which shortly followed; and I am of opinion, that when once we shall see the Venetian Senate quit the gravity of their Vests, the State itself will not long subsist, without some considerable alteration. 'Tis not a trivial Remark (which I have some where met with) that when a Nation is able to impose, and give laws to the habit of another, (as the late Tartars in China) it has (like that of Language) proved a Fore-runer of the spreading of their Conquests there; because, as it has something of Magisterial; so it gives them a boldness, and an Assurance which easily introduces them, without being taken notice of for Strangers where they come; so as by degrees, they insinuate themselves into all those Places where the Mode is taken up, and so much in credit. I am of Opinion, that the Swiss had not been now a Nation, but for keeping to their Prodigious Breeches; and as it was Politicly dissembled of Francis the First to flatter this blunt People with the Toy, which for a while he wore, and the Ladies afterward made their Pin-Cushions of; so was it again as wise to abandon that Brutish Shape, for a Habit more convenient and Decent.  
Nor do I impute it so much to the Levity in that Protean Nation to Metamorphose themselves so oft, as many are Prone to censure; because it is plainly their Interest, and they thrive by it; besides the pleasure of seeing all the World follow them, and to be fond of it.  
Believe it, La Mode de France, is one of the best Returns which they make, and feeds as many bellies, as it clothes Backs; or else, we should not hear of such Armies, and Swarms of them, as this one City alone maintains, who hang in the Ears, embrace the Necks, and elegant Wastes of our fair Ladies in the likeness of Pendants, Collars, Fans and Petticoats, and the rest of those pretty impediments, without which Heaven and Earth could not subsist.  
It may be thought, I confess, some mark of Verticity, that these things are always in fluctuation; but 'tis yet constant as the Tide, and no more a fault then in the Moon, espeeially, since (like hers) the change is profitable, and a Characteristic of their fertile Genius, which is to be busy, Mercurial, and Universal, and like good Prismes, both to multiply, and change the Species to a degree so taking, and so gainful.  
But, be it thus excusable in the French to alter, and impose the Mode on others, for the reasons deduced; 'tis no less a weakness, and a shame in the rest of the World, who have no Dependency on them, to admit them, at least, to that degree of Levity, as to turn into all their shapes without discrimination, so as when the freak takes our Mounsieurs to appear like so many Farces or jack-puddings on the Stage, all the World should alter Shape, and play the Pantomim's with them.  
Me thinks a French Tailor with his Ell in his hand, looks like the Enchantress Circe's over the Companions of Ulysses, and changes them into as many forms: One while we are made so loose in our Clothes, as if we had always need of the Close-stool, and by and by appear like so many Malefactors sewed up in sacks, as of old they were wont to treat a Parricide with a Dog, an Ape and a Serpent: Now must our Breeches do homage to the Roses of our Shoes, and be the next Term so short, 
2. Sam. 10.4.  as if we had all been Ambassadors to the King of Ammon.  

Mart.  Dimidiasque Nates Gallica palla tegit.  
Now we are all twist, and the long Pedo has been taken at distance for a pair of Tongues; and anon all Buttock: One Gallant goes so pinched in the Waste, as if he were prepared for the Question of the Fiery-plate in Turkey; and another's so loose in the middle, as if he would turn Insect, or drop in two: Now the short Wast, and Skirts in Piecrust is the Mode, than the Wide-hose, or (which is more shameful) like Nero's Lacernata Amica, 
juvenal. Tertul.  the Man in Coats again; Monstrum geminum, de viro foemina, mox de foemina vir: So as one that should judge by the appearance, would take us all to be of Kin to the fellow that begs without Arms, or some great men's Fools: Me thinks we should make water sitting, and since we deny our Sex, learn to handle the distaff too; Hercules did so when he Courted Omphale, and those who sacrificed to Ceres put on the pettycoat with much confidence; For a Man cannot say now as when Lucian scoffed at Cinicus, Quid tu tandem barbam quidem habes, & comam, tunicam non habes? On the Reverse, All Men now wear coats, and no Beards. O Prodigious Folly. 
Foedius hoc aliquid quandoque audebis amictu.  And I am even astonished at the scandal of it.  
What shall I then say of this madness, or what rather shall I not say? Vterque habitus mutandi malus, alter adversus naturam, alter contra salutem, the one of them is so much against Nature, the other against Health; both Preposterous, both in extremes; so as what Seneca spoke of Silk in his days, may with equal reason be applied to these clothes of ours, if Clothes it be lawful to name them, in quibus nihil est quo defendi aut corpus, aut pudor possit, since there is in them, neither covering for our bodies, nor for our shame?  
It was a fine silken thing which I spied walking th' other day through Westminster-Hall, that had as much Ribbon on him as would have plundered six shops, and set up twenty Country Pedlars: All his Body was dressed like a Maypole, or a Tom-a Bedlam's Cap. A Fregat newly rigged kept not half such a clatter in a storm, as this Puppets Streamers did when the Wind was in his Shrouds; the Motion was Wonderful to behold, and the Colours were Red, Orange, and Blue, of well gummed Satin, which argued a happy fancy: but so was our Gallant over charged, Indutumne an onustum hominem, habere vestem, an bajulare, that whether he were clad with this Garment, or (as a Porter) only carried it, was not to be resolved.  
I do assure you, that I knew a French Woman (who is famous for Her Dexterity and invention) protest, that the English did so torment Her, for the Mode, still doubting that She brought them not over the newest edition of it, that She used monthly to devise us new Fancies of her own Head, which were never worn in France, to pacify her Customers: But this was in the days of Old Noll, that signal Ver●umnus, when the State itself was as seldom above the Age of a Moon without a new face, as the Ladies her faithful Devota's. But I have done with Instances; and whilst I seem to reprove this excess in Men, am so far from disobliging the bright Sex, that it is from hence (Fair Ladies) may justly be derived, the esteem which I make of your discretion in this point, because, what you now wear is so decent, and so becoming; Nor am I of so Morose and particular a humour, that, with Seleucus, I would allow of no Ornaments, or significant changes: for my part I love Variety, and when I declaim against the ascititious and unnatural, I am Advocate for what is graceful and put on with reason: But there is a mediocrity in all things, and though Garments be Superficials, and extrinsical to us, they are yet of such notable presage, that if (as Soloman) a Wise Man may be known by his gate; a Fantastic may be no less by his Apparel.  
There is a certain honestas in observatione decori, which if mwn could once light on, would be of Infinite more Reputation to us, than this slavish defference of ours to other Nations; and when his Majesty shall fix a Standard at Court, there will need no Sumptuary laws to repress and reform the Lux which Men so much condemn in our Apparel.  
Mountain tells us, that at the Death of King Francis, one years mourning for him in Cloth, made Silk to be so despi●'d, that had any Man appeared in it for a long time after, he was taken for a Pedant or a Mountebank, 
Tacitus in vitae Tiber.  ne vestis serica viros foedaret.  
Doubtless, would the great Persons of England but own their Nation, and assert themselves as they ought to do, by making choice of some Virile, and comely Fashion, which should incline to neither extreme, and be constant to it, 'twould prove of infinite more reputation to us, than now that there is nothing fixed, and the Liberty so exorbitant.  
We deride the Spainiard for his odd shape, not for his Constancy to it: Let it be considered, that those who seldom change the Mode of their Country, have a seldom altered their affections to the Prince: Laws are in credit as they are Ancient, and the very alteration of Elements, Wether, and Diet are full of Peril; 'tis that renders us Weak, Old, Sick, and at last destroys us: So as 'twas not without advice, that the Laws of Plato did descend to the care even of habits in that his perfect Idea, allowing it only to Courtesans and Comedians to vary Dresses: since 'twas but a kind of Hypocrisy to be every day in a new Shape, and Mascarad.  

Tertul. de Cultu faem.  Quomodo praecepta Dei custodietis (says Tertullian) lineamenta corporis non custodientes? How can we expect that men should keep the Commandments of God, or of the King, that preserve not the Lineaments of their Bodies? Thus he to the Gallants of his time; and though he does somewhere, 
De pal.  as ingeniously apologise for the Pallium, (which the Proselytes had then newly reassumed) by instances deduced from the common Vicissitudes of Nature, and of the World; yet he proves its Antiquity from the Old Lydians, and Noble Pelasgi, and from the Decency, and Simplicity of the Garb; so as what was then said by way of Sarcasme to the new Christians, a Toga ad pallium, may now with more just reproach be applied to the old, ab Equis ad Asinos.  
For my part, I profess that I delight in a cheerful gaiety, affect and Cultivate Variety; The Universe itself were not beautiful to me without it; but, as that is in constant and Uniform Succession in the natural, where Men do not disturb it; so would I have it also in the Artificial.  
If the Kings of Mexico changed four times a day, it was but an upper Vest, which they were used to honour some Meritorious Servant with. Let Men change their Habits as oft as they please, so the change be for the better: I would have a Summer Habit, and a Winter; for the Spring, and for the Autumn: Something I would indulge to Youth, something to Age and Humour, Sed quaenam illac avis est, 
Plaut. in poenullo.  quae huc cum tunicis advenit? What have we to do with these Foreign Butterflies? In God's name let the change be our Own, not borrowed of others; for why should I dance after a Monsieurs Flajolet only, that have a set of English Viols for my Consort? We need no French inventions or for the Stage, or for the Back; we have better Materials for Clothes, They, better Tailors: Strange! that Men should come to value themselves from a sort of Wretches, of which Nine go but to the making of one Man. I hope to see the day when all this shall be reformed, and when all the World shall receive their Standard from our most Illustrious Prince, and from his Grandees, and make Prognostics even from those little Accidents and all that is extrinsical to them, that there is a glorious, a steady and a Wise Director within, and that it shall be as presumptuous for any foreign Nation to impose upon our Court, as it is indeed, ridiculous it should, and its greatest diminution.  
Lampridius tells us that Alexander was in this point so nice, that he would have all his Subjects distinguished by their Habit; ne servi ingenuis miscerentur: How many times have I saluted the fine Man for the Master, and stood with my hat off to the gay Feather, when I found the Bird to be all this while but a Daw? arripitur persona, 
Lucre●●  manet res. A Lion's Skin will not cover an Ass' Ears.  
Servants had always amongst the Romans a peculiar Habit, till the Commonwealth grew dissolute, says Tacitus: And for my particular, I am so great a Friend to this order, that I could be contented all degrees of Men whatever, had some Badge to distinguish them by. Thus all Mechanics should be known by their Cognizance, all Gownsmen, and all the Military: How would this conduce to public Frugality, Peace, Humility? and, if to any Emulation, to that only of exceeding one another in Virtue and Obedience: For it is Prodigious only to consider, the impolitic Waste which this promiscuous Bravery draws along with it: That no less than two Millions of Treasure (as I am informed) has in so short a time been lost in Gold and Silver Lace; and, that to feed this sole exorbitance, the Goldsmiths should give so considerable a rate for Bullion above the Mint, to employ it in this trifling Fabric, which is plainly consumed, worn out, and never returns again; so as in a few Years to endanger an Universal Penury.  
Let us suppose that the finest Cloth of Wool, and which may be made thin, light, and glossie for Summer; Thick, and more substantial for the Winter, and inferior to no covering under Heaven, were more in use, and esteem: Or, that there were a general prohibition, that persons beneath such a degree, should wear either Silk, Foreign Stuffs, or Cloth, with a reasonable Tassa imposed by the Magistrate upon the price of our own manifacture amongst us; How would this bring down the rates of those exotic impertinences, how many thousand hands employ? how glorious be to our Prince, when he should behold all his Subjects clad with the Production of his own Country, and the People Universally enriched, whilst the Species that we now consume in Lace, or export for foreign Silks, and more unserviceable Stuffs would by this means be all saved, and the whole Nation knit as one to the heart of their Sovereign, as to a Provident and Indulgent Father? If Riches, and Plenty with the love and prosperity of a People, be the glory of a Prince, and the Nerves of a State; if all other considerations be noise, and empty shadows ministering only to Lux, and the Vanity of a few Young insignificant Triflers, whose brains are as Transparent as their Clothes; what are those Arts which a Prince should cultivate, but by exorcising these Apparitions and Fantosmes of a Court and Country, to procure the establishment of what is Material, and most perfective of those solid blessings. With what facility this is effected, our Illustrious CHARLES will one day show his contemporary Monarches, by provision of such Sumptuary and other wholesome Laws for the Public, and making such a Collection of Virtuous persons to dispense them; that as his Court shall become the universal Idea for the rest of Princes to reform by, so shall his People and the whole Nation be the envy of the World for their felicity.  
Were I the Censor for regulation of this excess, I should recommend the Best, and most commodious Habit; and Calculate for the several Meridian's and Degrees of the Wearer. There may be much said (I confess) concerning custom, and opinion, which render all things supportable; but we in this Nation can plead neither of these for our Fantastical and often changes: the very frequency of altering the Mode, contradicts the Custom of being addicted to One, and so we are constant only by being inconstant, which if allowable in the weaker, becomes not the Viriler Sex; 'twas yet not ill observed of Sr. Philip Sidney, that Ladies though they were Naturally afraid of a Sword, were yet soon in love with the men of Iron, whose shape is the most unalterable of all the Metals, and the noblest emblem of constancy.  
Behold we one of our Silken Chameleons, and airy Gallants, making his addresses to his Mistress, and you would sometimes think yourself in the country of the Amazons, for it is not possible to say which is the more Woman of the two Coated Sardanapaulas. But how may we remedy this? shall we descend to some particulars?  
I would choose the loose Riding Coat, which is now the Mode, and the Hose which his Majesty often wears, or some fashion not so pinching as to need a Shooing-horn with the Dons, nor so exorbitant as the Pantaloons, which are a kind of Hermaphrodite and of neither Sex: and if at any time I fancied them wider, or more open at the knees for the Summer, it should be with a mediocrity, and not to set in plaits as if I were supported with a pair of jonic pillars or the gatherings of my Granam's loose Gown; I would neither have my Doublet, or my Skirts so short, as if I were one of Sir john Mandivils' Dobys, whose eyes and mouths are in their shoulders and breasts; no● again so long as to act Francatripe in the Farce: I would not conceal the shape of a goodly leg under a Hoop and Canopy, because some bow-legged Monsieur would disguise his deformity to the reproach of Nature. Are our Knees, like Esop's Pots, afraid of meeting, because of the same frail Metal? I am neither fond of the round Shoe, nor of the long, but for that which best fits my foot, and is most easy, and had rather have my Last a little too Wide, then to make it a case for my Almanac, which I will sooner wear in my Pocket, then in my shoes: Slender feet are for the Queens of China, and for those who delight to be awaked by the Corn-cutter. I like the Noble Buskin for the Legs, and the Boucle better than the formal Rose; and had rather see a glittering stone to hasp it there, than the long cross hilted knots now worn; because 'tis more glorious, and (like that Manicodiata which Queen Elizabeth tied there at an Audience of a Moscovite Ambassador, who had stuck one in his Hat,) shows a kind of contempt of Riches.  
The Wisest, and most Healthy of the Ancients went continually bare headed; so Massinissa, Caesar, so Hannibal used to go; But when I must be covered, I infinitely prefer the Buchingamo, or Montero lately reformed, before any other whatever, because it is most manly, useful and steady. I have heard say, that when a Turk would execrate one that displeases him, he wishes him as unstable as a Christians Hat; and in effect 'tis observed, that no man can so plant it on another man's head, but the Owner does immediately alter it, nor is it ever certain: All that can be replied in its behalf, is, that it Shades the Face; but so would a Tuft of Feathers in the Montero, which is light and serviceable, when the Sun is hot; and at other times Ornamental.  
I would neither have my Band so Voluminous as a Frokins Night-raile, nor yet so straight and scanty as a Negro's collar; in Short, I wish any thing might supply it that were not made of Hemp; and for that piece of Wainscot which supports it about our Necks, if it be too high the man looks as if he were impaled; if too low, as if the Doublet were borrowed, at least I wish that part were defended with something less rigid than Pasteboard; and if the Cravet did still succeed it, there would be no miss of the other. To cover all with two words; I like the Stately and easy Vest within Doors, and the Cloak without. In sum I affect whatever is comely, and of use, and to that I would be canstant, choosing nothing that should be Capricious, nothing that were singular, and therefore have made this Collection out of all; For seeing we are obliged to none, we injure none, and since there is so much variety, our choice is the Freer. Mode is a Tyrant, and we may cast of his Government, without impeachment to our Loyalty: But if we will rather expect (and which I most Approve of) the injunction of our Superiors for this Regulation also, we shall do wisely and best avoid the censure. Those who followed the great Alexander held indeed their necks awry, because he most inclined it to one side; and when his Father Philip wore a fillet about his forehead for a wound which he had received, all the Court came abroad with the like till the cure was complete: But we have a Prince whose shape is elegant, and perfect to admiration; so as I know not whither there was ever upon the Throne, a Personage who had less need of Art to render him more graceful, and whose Mine makes all things to become him; and therefore certainly (of all the Princes of Europe) the most fit to give the Standard now to the Mode we next expect, and that not only to his own Nation, but to all the World besides.  
FINIS.