FOOLS in Earnest, Or, A FAIRING for fanatics  
The following Lines Observe, and You  
Will certainly Conclude it True,  
That such as spend their Youthful time  
In foolish Garb, and save no Coin,  
Will when Age comes forsaken be,  
And be Exposed to Misery.  
To the Tune, I'll Sell my Cart and eke my Plough.  

I'll Venture out upon the Stage,  
Against fanatics of this Age,  
Who Wallow in the Mire;  
And are Examples unto such  
Whose Poverty appeareth much,  
Caused by Rich Attire.   

How comely is it do you think,  
For such as carry Coals and Drink  
To imitate a Lady.  
Or Milkmaids in a Flowered Gown  
Bedecked with Lace from Foot to Crown.  
And all Rich Things that may be.   

Some Wear their Hoods like to Hop-sacks  
And Rich Gay Clothing on their Backs,  
You'd take them for Great Nobles;  
But if a thorough-Search be made,  
They're poor, and scarce can follow trade  
Some hardly worth two Boodles.   

The Fruit that Groweth on such Trees  
Are usually such as these,  
It still provokes some Others  
In such like Garb to follow them,  
Although it proves their Shame and Sin  
So to Excel Grandmothers.   

Young Maids get such an Itch of Pride,  
They'll plead with Parents to provide  
For them beyond their Calling;  
Saying, Why shall not I be like to such,  
I'm sure you are worth twice as much;  
And thus they keep a Bawling.   

That Parents cannot Rest Content,  
Till they have all their Substance spent,  
To Answer children's Craving;  
By yielding thus many Consumes  
Shop, Goods and Furniture for Rooms,  
Proud Folks are not for sparing.   

Such say, Hang Sorrow, cast off Care,  
We'll spend all up, and nothing spare,  
Parish is bound to find us,  
When we are Old and cannot Work,  
Be we under Christian or Turk,  
Law will force them to Mind us.   

Such is the Language of She-Huffs,  
Who swagger with their Fans and Muffs,  
And with their Tawdrey Laces,  
If that you tell them of their Pride,  
They'll you and your Council deride,  
And scoff you to your Faces.   

Many Parents are worthy blame,  
This may be spoken to their shame,  
Their Children they entice;  
By th' ill Example they them Give,  
In their own Walks, 'cause they so live  
In Pride's chargeable Vice.   

Some Mistresses too blame likewise,  
'Cause they their Servants do Advise  
In costly Garbs to go;  
By means of which they spend their Gains  
And nothing save of all their Pains,  
Such do their Folly show.   

If out of Employ such should be,  
In a short time comes Poverty,  
Much like an Armed Man;  
The Cause of which they stoop will not,  
T'Employment mean, which might begot  
Were 't not for Muff and Fan.   

Young Men and Maids, when once they be  
Cloth! d 'bove their Calling and Degree,  
'Tis hard for to abate;  
In Clothing or other Expense,  
But they'll still be giving Offence,  
By Living at high Rate.   

Until at last some forced are,  
By being poor and very bare,  
To play the Whore or Thief;  
Their Gentile Port for to maintain  
And keep on in their lofty Strain,  
To seem one of the Chief.   

Their Naked Necks and Breasts they show  
In most Places whereto they go,  
They think to Merit Honour;  
But when they come where they are known,  
Civil Persons do them disown,  
And most cry out upon Her.   

If young Maids would good Husbands have,  
Then Labour to go Neat and Grave,  
And not in foolish Clothing;  
Your Money save, and Gain a Sum,  
Then you'll engage good Suitors come;  
If proud, you'll be their Loathing.   

There's few young Men will take Girls now,  
Without a Hundred Pound or two,  
Especially Gentile ones;  
They'll rather take a drudging Lass,  
Which Milk the Cows upon the Grass,  
With Ten pounds, then proud vile Ones.   

Let every One of each degree  
Walk as becomes their Quality,  
And not Vye with their Betters:  
Nobles should go in Rich Attire,  
Not such as Tumble in the Mire,  
Which must for Food be Debtors!   

Accept of what I have Writ in Haste,  
And do not you your Substance waste  
On Things that's vain and needless,  
Which Renders you Ridiculous,  
By Persons Grave and Serious,  
And prized by none, but th' Heedless.   
FINIS.