THE FOUR-LEGGED QUAKER,  
To the Tune of the DOG and Elder's MAID, Or, the LADY'S FALL.  
 

ALl that have two or but one Ear,  
(I date not tell ye half)  
You of an Essex Colt shall hear  
Will shame their very Calf.  
In Horsley Fields near Colchester  
A Quaker would turn Trooper;  
He caught a Foal and mounted her  
(O base!) below the Crupper.  
Help, Lords and Commons, once more help,  
O send us Knives and Diggers!  
For if the Quakers be not gelt,  
Your Troops will have the Staggers.   

RALPH GREEN (it was this Varlet's name)  
Of Colchester you'll swear,  
For thence the four-legged Elder came,  
Was ever such a Pair!  
But though 'twas soul between Swash and Jane,  
Yet this is ten times worse,  
For then a Dog did play the Man,  
But Man now played the Horse.  
Help, etc.   

The Owner of the Colt was nigh,  
(Observing their Embrace)  
And drawing nearer did espy  
The Quaker's sorrel Face:  
My Foal is ravished (than he cries,  
And fiercely at him ran)  
Thou Rogue, I'll have thee haltered twice,  
As Horse and eke as Man!  
Help, etc.   

Ah Devil, dost thou tremble? now  
'Tis sore against thy will;  
For Mares and preaching Ladies know  
Thou hast a Colt's tooth still:  
But mine's not guilty of this Fact,  
She was by thee compelled;  
Poor thing, whom no man ever Backed  
Thou wickedly hast Bellied.  
Help, etc.   

O Friend (said GREEN, with sighs and groans)  
Let this thy wrath appease!  
(And gave him then eight new half-Crowns  
To make him hold his peace)  
The man replied, though I for this  
Conceal thy Hugger Mugger,  
Dost think it lawful for a Piece  
A Filly Foal to Bugger?  
Help, etc.   

The Master saw his Colt defiled,  
Which vexed his soul with doubt;  
For if his Filly proved with Child  
He knew All would come out:  
Then he afresh began to rave,  
(For all his Money-taking)  
Neighbours, said he, I took this Knave  
I'th' very Act of Quaking!  
Help, Lords and Commons, once more help,  
O send us Knives and Daggers!  
For if the Quakers be not gelt,  
Your Troops will have the Staggers.   

Then to the Pinfold (Gaol I mean)  
They dragged him by the Mane,  
They called him Beast, and called her Quean;  
As if she had been Jane.  
O stone him (all the Women cried)  
Nay Geld him (which is worse)  
Who scorned us all and took a Bride  
That's Daughter to a Horse!  
Help, etc.   

The Colt was silent all this while,  
And therefore 'twas no Rape,  
The virgin Foal he did beguile,  
And so intends to scape:  
For though he got her in a Ditch  
Where she could not revolt,  
Yet he had no Scot'sh Spurr nor Switch  
To ride the willing Colt.  
Help, etc.   

O Essex, Essex, England's pride,  
Go burn this long-tailed Quean,  
For though the Thames runs by thy side,  
It cannot wash thee clean!  
'Tis not thy Bleating Son's complaints  
Hold forth such wanton courses,  
Thy Oysters hint the very Saints  
Thy horn the very Horses.  
Help, etc.   

Though they salute not in the Street  
(Because they are our Masters)  
'Tis now revealed why Quakers meet  
In Meadows, Woods, and Pastures.  
But Horsemen, Mare-men, all and some  
Who Man and Beast perplex,  
Not only from East- Horsley come,  
But from West-Middle-Sex.  
Help, etc.   

Alas you know by Man's flesh came  
The Foul disease to Naples,  
And now we fear the very same  
Is broke into our Stables;  
For death hath stolen so many Steeds  
From Prince and Peer and Carrier,  
That this new Murrain rather need's  
A 
* Physician to the Earl of Pembroke, who is no Quaker nor Quacker.  FARRAR than a Farrier.  
Help, etc.   

Nay if this GREEN within the Walls  
Of Colchester left forces,  
Those Cavaliers were Cannibals,  
Eating his humane Horses!  
But some make Man their second course,  
(In cool Blood will not spare)  
Who butcher Men and favour Horse  
Will couple with a Mare.  
Help, etc.   

This Centaur, uncouth Other thing,  
Will make a dreadful Breach:  
Yet though an Ass may Speak or 
* A new Sect of young Men and Women who pray, eat, and sing ex tempore.  Sing,  
O let not Horses Preach!  
But Bridle such wild Colts who can  
When they'll obey no Summons,  
For things begot between Mare and Man  
Are neither Lords nor Commons.  
Help, etc.   

O Elders, Independents too,  
Though all your Power's combined,  
Quakers will grow to strong for you  
Now Horse and Man are joined:  
While Cavelliers, poor foolish Rogues,  
Know only Maid's Affairs,  
Shee-Presbyters can deal with Dogs,  
And Quaking Men with Mares.  
Help, etc.   

Now as when Milan Town was reared,  
A Monstrous Sow untamed  
With back half Hair half Wool appeared,  
'Twas Mediolanum named:  
So Colchester must have recourse  
To some such four-legged Sister,  
For sure as Horsley comes from Horse  
From Colt 'twas called Col-chester.  
Help, Lords and Commons, once more help,  
O send us Knives and Daggers!  
For if the Quakers be not gelt,  
Your Troops will have the Staggers.