THE Government OF A WIFE; OR, Wholesome and Pleasant Advice FOR Married Men: In a Letter to a Friend.  
Written in Portuguese, By Don Francisco Manuel.  
With some Additions of the Translator, distinguished from the Translation.  
There is also Added, A LETTER upon the same Subject, written in Spanish by Don Antonio de Guevara, Bishop of Mondoñedo; Preacher; and Historiographer to the Emperor Charles V.  
Translated into English, By Capt. John Stevens.  
London, Printed for Jacob Tonson at the Judge's Head in Fleetstreet, and R. Knaplock at the Angel and Crown in St. Paul's Churchyard, 1697.   

A Don Luis da Cunha, Enviado Extraordinario DEL Rey de Portugal, etc.  
SEÑOR,  
ES costumbre recihida en las Dedicatorias, encubrir debaxo de nombre de Proteccion de la Obra, el interes que para si busca el Escritor. Praticase en este Mundo el disfrazar traças de ganar, concapa de honra. El buen acogimiento que en todos tiempos ha' hallado esta traça entre personas generosas, la ha' confirmado per justa. Los Grandes Personages alientan, y recompensan los buenos deseos de los menores. Los motivos que mas llevan los hombres all deseo de las letras, ou son honra, ou provecho ou ambos los does. Hasta el mismo Dios ha' propuesto premios para la virtud. Imitando a Dios el Mundo concede recompensa alos que trabajan por obrar bien. El dar ala estampa libros provechosos es en si cosa de alabar, el dedicarlos a personas de importancia, no puede merecer reprehension. Siendo los medios que se toman para sacar in●eres legitimos, y justos, el modo de executarlos solo, no puede hazer que parescan injustos. Con esto declaro, que no es mi intento condenar costumbre tan antigua, y recibida. Con todo, aunque no lafoy condeno, he determinado por esta vez de no seguirla. Siempre me parecio hermosa la Verdad desnuda, y sin Artificio. Quiero que esta vez aparesca la Verdad descubierta. No faltar à; por ventura, quien censure esta libertad, pero el tratar Verdad siempre few cosa loable.  
Digo el tratar Verdad con el respeto que se deve a personas de importancia. Sin esto es descortesia, y falta de criança. Procurare no incurrir en mi propia censura. Confessare con llaneza mi intento, mas con el respeto que all nacimiento, y a la persona de V. S. se debe.  
Dixe que la protection era el disfraz, y el interes el Blanco de las Dedicatorias. Heme declarado de parte de la Verdad, y por enemigo de todo Artificio. Pues conform a esto, por no oponerme a mi mismo. Confiesso, Señor, que me prometo un grande Interes en esta Dedicatoria. Este libro en sulengua natural tuum et aplauso de todo un Reyno Si por parte de la Traducion le hovenido algun menoscabo, ni a mi me parece que deve, ni ha de p●der ampararlo lo ilustre del nombre que lleva en la frente. Desde aqui renuncio al amparo del libro, luego siguese que busco mi interes. La Consequencia es Natural, y en mi lo es ser claro, y descubierto.  
El Interes que me prometo es en tres maneras. En primer lugar, reconociendo, como aqui lo hago, mercedes recividas, gano reputacion de agradecido, virtud mui rara en estos tiempos. En segundo lugar, siendo agradecido, y ofreciendo como tall loque en mi ay, espero mejorarme en el favour de V S. Y ultimament me tendre por mui honrado con el favour de personatan noble, y esclarecida.  
Donde se halla lafoy verdadera Nobleza, no puede dexar de haver animo generoso. De aqui naçe mi confiança que perdonard, V S. la llaneza destos renglones. Los Grandes Personages, 'las mas vezes, reparan menos en Formalidades, y Ceremonias, que los que se levantaron del polvo de la tierra. A todo el Mundo consta de quanta honra s●a el puesto que, V S. possee. Ni es menos esclarecida en las Historias la Grandeza de su casa y familia. Los Moros de España y Africa, y los Gentiles de la India son testigos abonados de los valerosoes hechos de los Cunhas. Enrique el primer Conde, y Alfonso el primero Rey de Portugal, no excedieron su antiguedad. Espana, y Portugal son aora la Esphera de sus glorias; adonde se ven does Duques, sinco Marquezes, y siete Condes, sin otros estendidos ramos, que todos proceden del mismo tronco de la ilustre familia de V. S. Mass aqui conviene que detenga la pluma, sin dexarme llevar del resplandor de tanta luz. Razon sera repair yo, que otras mas importantes occupaciones no dan lugar a V S. para leer Epistolas enfadosas.  
Suplico a V S. me pressed atention a pocas palabras en descargo de mi mismo contra dos cosas que se podran alegar para condenar esta Dedicatoria. La primera es, que siendo aun V S. tan nuevo en esta tierra, no se puede presuponer que entienda la lengua Inglesa. La segunda, que encamine la Guia de Casados, a quien no casô. Estos puntos que parece me son contrarios, hazen por mi. Porque quanto all primero, siendo el Original en Portuguese, esta Tradution puede ayudar a aprender el Ingles. En satisfacer all segundo punto no ay difficultad, pues siendo V. S. casado, no tuviera yo atrevimiento de ofrecer a persona de tanta prudencia leys para el govierno de su casa, lo qual no siendo casado parece que merece pardon. Temo que me he alargado mucho, y assi mas quiero cortar aqui el hilo, aunque no bien rematado, que no hazerme enfadoso por conservar el estilo. No diré mass, sino es pedir pardon para mi, suplicar a V S. sea servido de continuar la merced que me haze, y rogar a Dios guard la persona, y prosper la vida de V. S. comdeseo y he Menester,  
El mas humilde Criado de V S. que su M. B. Juan Stevens.   

TO Don Luis da Cunha, Envoy Extraordinary FROM THE King of Portugal, etc.  
THE common Pretence of Dedication, is the Protection of the Work, but the true meaning thereof is generally the Interest of the Writer. It is the Practice of the World, to palliate designs of Gain under the shadow of Honour. The acceptance it has met with from Generous Persons in all Ages, has justified this practice. Great Men encourage and reward the Endeavours of the lesser: Either Honour or Profit, or both, are the Motives that excite most Men to the desire of Learning. God himself has allotted Rewards to Virtue. The World, in imitation of the Deity, allows a Recompense to all that aspire to do well. The publishing of useful Books being in itself a thing commendable, the dedicating them to Persons of Honour can not be . When the means used for the compasing of Interest are lawful and just, bare formalities in the execution can not render them dishonourable. Thus much to show, I pretend not to condemn an Ancient received Custom; but tho' I do not condemn, I resolve not to follow it in this place. I was ever an Admirer of Naked Truth without Artifice. I have resolved at this time, Truth shall appear bare-faced. Some may perhaps condemn my Freedom, but Plaindealing is always commendable.  
I mean Plaindealing, with a due respecct to Persons of Honour: without that, it is Rudeness, and want of Breeding. I will endeavour, not to incur my own Censure. I will freely confess my Design, but with the veneration due to your Birth and Character.  
I said at first, that Protection was the Pretence, and Interest the Scope of Dedications. I have declared for Naked Truth, and against all Artifice. Then, Sir, not to deviate from myself, I confess I propose to myself a great Interest in this Dedication. This Book in its Native Tongue has received the Approbation of a whole Kingdom. If it has suffered in the Translation, an Honourable Name prefixed, will not, and I cannot expect it should defend it. Then since I disclaim any Defence of the Book, it follows of course, I seek my own Advantage. The Conclusion is natural, and it is so to me to be frank and plain.  
The Advantage I propose to myself, is threefold. First, by acknowledging, as I do, Favours already received, I gain the Reputation of being endued with that rare Virtue, Gratitude. Secondly, by being grateful, and making such Returns as I am capable of, I hope for an increase in your Esteem. And lastly, the Esteem of a Person so Nobly Born, and bearing so great a Character, will be an Honour I shall justly value myself upon.  
Where there is true Nobility, Goodness attends it. This makes me confide you will pardon the Freedom and plainess of this Epistle. Great Men are for the most part less Ceremonious and Formal, than inconsiderable Upstarts. The Honour of your Character, is visible to all Men; the Grandeur of your Family, is not less apparent in History. The Spanish and African Moors, and the Indian Idolaters have been Witnesses of the Glorious Actions of the Canha's. Henry the first Earl, and Alfonso the first King of Portugal were Contemporaries with them for Antiquity. Spain and Portugal are now the Sphere of their present Glories; where are to be seen two Dukes, five Marquises, and seven Earls; besides several other Honourable Branches, all springing from the same Stock of this your Illustrious Family. But I must take up in time, before the Splendour of this Subject draws me on too far. I must consider, your better Employments will not give you Leisure to Read redious Epistles.  
Sir I beg your Attention but to a few words more in Vindication of myself, against two Objections that may be made to this Dedication. The first is, That you being so much a stranger, as yet, cannot be supposed to understand the English Language. The second, That I should present the Government of a Wife, to one that is not Married. These things that seem against me, do in reality make for me. For as to the first, the Original being in Portuguese this Translation may be some help for learning of English. And the second Objection is as easily answered, because I could not presume to present a Person of your Conduct with Rules to govern a Wife, if you were Married; whereas it is now excusable, in regard you are not. I fear I have run too far, and will rather therefore break off abruptly, then become tedious for the sake of Method. All I will add shall be, to beg Pardon for myself, to wish you all increase of Honour, and Happiness, and to desire you will always be pleased to continue your Favour to.  
SIR, Your most Faithful, and most Obedient Servant John Stevens.   

TO THE READER.  
PHilosophy is an universal Study, or Consideration of all Things whereby is attained the knowledge of them. It is divided into two Parts, Natural and Moral. The Natural examines the Qualities of the Heavens, Elements, and Creatures. The Moral disposes the Order of Human Conversation and Life. This is also subdivided into three Parts; Ethics, Economy, and Policy. Ethics, relate to the Manners of Men; Economy treats of the Government of Houses and Families; Policy appertains to the Government of Cities, Kingdoms, and Empires; but in such manner, that Economy has a tincture of Policy, and Policy is mixed with Economy; because a Kingdom is a great Family, and a Family a little Kingdom; and Ethics require Policy and Economy, because Man is a little World.  
But to speak only of Economy, which is the Subject of this Treatise; I say this sort of Philosophy comprehends all sorts of People whereof the Commonwealth is made up; the Great, the Middle sort, and the Small; more particularly, it concerns the Great Ones, because less is required towards the preservation of the other two sorts. It reaches also to all Conditions, the Married, Bachelors, and Widowers, but more particularly the Married, than the Bachelors or Widowers. Not that these last have not occasion for Rules to govern their Life by, but because they are States of Life that few adhere to, and that only for a short time; the Families are less, and therefore have not so much to manage, nor do they require that vigilance and care that is requisite in a Married Man, to maintain the Honour of his Family, and shun Dangers.  
The principal Study of Married Men towards obtaining of Honour, Quiet and Satisfaction, aught to be that which shows them how to behave themselves, and treat their Wives in the due manner; for upon hitting or missing this Point, depends all the good or bad Government of a Family.  
Don Francisco, the Author of this Work, being desired by a Friend that was about Marrying, to give him some good Advice relating to that course of Life, writ this Discourse without any Art, but plain and easy, as he himself owns; this being a good Quality, to gain Credit to what he asserts.  
His Design was to persuade Married People to Peace and Unity, which makes their Lives happy; to recommend the respecting and prising a Wife, to show the means how to preserve Love, and gain Reputation.  
This Book being yet a Manuscript, was by some People slandered, as too severe upon the Women; and this was the chief cause of making it public to all; to show how little cause there was to pass that Censure upon it; which will appear, by comparing it with others writ upon this Subject.  
Nature teaches, and Experience verifies it, That those Medicines which we find most difficulty to use, are the most efficacious. The Rules prescribed by Physicians to prevent Sickness, are troublesome, if duly observed; yet if we consider the great Benefit reaped by following them, they ought to seem easy. It is plain, the Design of Don Francisco was not to raise Trouble and Jealousy, but to show the way to shun and prevent them.  
Of all his Works, none perhaps is more useful than this, and yet none so plain; either because the Subject required an easy Style, or because he was weary of being reflected upon as obscure; and therefore resolved to write for all Capacities, since he writ for every body but himself. Let his Excuse (if not his Commendation) be, That in all his Writings he endeavoured to suit his Style to the Subject; a thing not observed by all Men, and attained to but by few. In the History of Catalonia, he shown Historical Elegancy: in his Political Echo he flew higher, because Politics required it. In his Great one Little, and the Phoenix he writ concise and mystical, that the Morals and Secrets he treated of might be the more grateful for their brevity. In his Muses, lofty, as the best Style, between the Vulgar and abstruse. In his Pantheon florid, because Tragedy requires the finest of Language, The same method be observed in the other Works, he composed before and after these here mentioned. The same he sticks to in this, which is the first of his Portuguese Books; and in his Epanaphoras, which deserve much Praise for the Elegancy he shows in his own Language, as in the others he had proved himself Master of the Spanish.  
This Preface I found prefixed to my Author in Portuguese, and think there is not much to be added to it.  
I confess it, lest it should be suspected I would have it thought my Own, rather than a Translation. Don Francisco Manuel was a Man of good Quality, well Read, and a Traveller, but never Married. If his Rules, or those few Lines I have added, be thought too severe upon the Women, it must be by those who either do not Rightly apprehend them, or by such as value their Liberty more than their Honour. For there is no Restraint prescribed, but with a Proviso, that a Wife be guilty of some Extravagancy. And on the other hand, it is often inculcated, that all Respect and Liberty is too little for the Woman that is truly virtuous.  
I shall not need say any thing of Don Antonio de Guevara, the Author of the last Letter, because a small Volume of his lately Published by another Hand, I am informed, has met with good applause. This particular Letter I thought fit to insert here, because pertinent to the Subject, and also because his manner of Writing, is at once pleasing, and profitable.   

THE Government OF A WIFE.  
I Lie under the Two powerful Obligations of Love and Obedience. I love you, Sir, and you command me. And though the Command you lay on me, be of very difficult performance, yet Love and Obedience which have often conquered things, in appearance impossible, will not refuse to overcome the greatest Difficulties.  
You tell me you are upon Marrying, and desire me to give you some Advice, how to behave yourself in that New State of Life. I am of opinion, it is harder to find, and there are fewer that will ask, than that are able to give Advice in this Case.  
He who desires and endeavours to be well advised, seems to stand least in need of it; for it is so great prudence to take counsel, that I am apt to believe the Man who asks, is most capable of governing himself without it.  
The first Counsel I will give you, is, that you rely not in any point upon my opinion alone: for tho' the Will to serve you be not wanting, yet I may perhaps fall short in Understanding, to counsel right. It is more rare to find the Will and Understanding united, than Honour and Profit: and the Understanding, tho' one of the great Powers of the Soul, is not infallible in its Direction, being often misled through Weakness.  
Antiquity has left many profitable Rules for Married People to walk by; our Modern Learning has enlarged upon, or put them into other Language.  
We will take up with a more familiar sort of Discourse, as the diversion of the long Winter Nights; in which, I writ these Rules with an easy, and pleasing Style, as best suits with your Condition and Youth, tho' disagreeable to my Humour and Fortune.  
Seneca, Aristotle, Plutarch and Plato, must excuse me; Porcia, Cassandra, Zenobia and Lucretia, the so much celebrated Examples of this kind, must not be offended; for I hope, without Sentences of the former, or Actions of the latter, to express what you desire to hear, and what I design to say.  
I am at Years of Discretion, have been bred in Courts, have Traveled, made Remarks, and remember what I observed. I have seen, read, and heard. From this Experience will deduce my Rules, hence the Examples I shall offer: These shall be the Books I will Quote; and perhaps some Tales I can remember, being here offered, will be no less to the purpose, and more pleasing, than the old Stories of Greeks and Romans, so often served up by those we call Learned, and which as often we are apt to nauseate.  
It is certain, all Change causes a strangeness in the Mind. To remove from one House to another, is somewhat irksome. A change of Life, must then make a considerable Alteration in any Man.  
To shun this Strangeness, consider Sir, you were born and bred to this end, to come to this state of Life; and this you long since knew, was the condition allotted you.  
This State of Life is properly your own, the other was but tending to it. No Man complains, that he is arrived at the end of his Journey.  
Consider not this as any restraint upon your Liberty, but rather as one going up hastily a steep Staircase, wishes for a place to rest; so a Man ascending this Ladder of Life, the higher he mounts, and the more loosely he lives, the more need he has of the repose of Matrimony, which is therefore called a State and Settlement of Life, as being not only the end tended to, but also a condition of Repose and Quiet.  
Tho' you have not ascended many Steps, that is, lived many Years, you have still lived enough; and after such a manner, it is high time to seek that Rest you are coming to, which now comes in a proper season.  
The Son marrying, requites the benefit he received of his Father; for had not the Father married, he had not been. Thus Men successively contribute one to another, and all to the Memory of those who gave them their Being, and to whom they own the greatest Obligations next to God.  
Young Men are frighted at the Relations they hear from people unfortunately Matched; for it is more natural and common, that good Food should be converted into ill Humours by meeting that ill Disposition in our Bodies, than that the ill Humours found there, should be changed by the Food into Nourishment. Young Men think the Bands of Matrimony insupportable; they are so to those who know not how to wear them, but easy to them that do. A small weight on a Man's back is cumbersome, a much greater drawn upon Wheels, is easier. The Burden of Wedlock is not beyond our strength, it generally wants being supported by Prudence, and therefore appears the heavier.  
Would you know how light the Burden of this sort of Life is? Weigh it by that you leave; put into the Scale your former Restlessness, the Dangers, the Disgusts, the Disorders of the Affections, that general mistrust of all things (that want of Confidence in any body,) Complaints which trouble, Revenge which endangers, Falsehood in Friends which torments, Jealousy which wastes, Courtship that consumes you, the dangers of your Honour, the lavishing of your Health, the exposing your Life, and the continual remorse of your Conscience: then will you rejoice all this is left behind.  
Were the advantages of Wedlock no other, but that it delivered a Man from so many Evils, well might it still merit the Name of a holy and sweet course of Life. Now let us see what it is a married Man receives, in lieu of his so much boasted of Freedom.  
He is put into a better State of Freedom, and is possessed of a Woman who deposits in his hands, her Liberty, her Will, her Fortune, her Care, her Obedience, her Life, and even her very Soul. Who is there so blind, that weighing what he leaves, and what he receives, will not discover how great a Gainer he is by the change?  
One of the circumstances that most contributes towards securing the future Happiness of those that Mary, is the due proportion of the Match. Inequality of Birth, of Fortune, of Age, causes Disputes, and those Disputes produce Discord. This it is that brings on all Troubles, there is no Peace, and the married Life is Hell upon Earth.  
For the satisfaction of Parents, it is requisite there be some equality in Birth, for the good of the Children, that there be a proportion of Fortunes; and for the satisfaction of the Married Couple, that there be no disproportion of Years. It does not follow, that this equality must hold between Man and Wife to a day or year, but the difference ought not to be exceeding great. What odds there are, ought always to be on the Husband's side, who in all respects must be superior to the Woman: yet the greatest Happiness always consists in the greatest Equality.  
A great Courtier among us, used to say, There were three sorts of Marriages in the world; a Marriage of God, a Marriage of the Devil, and a Marriage of Death. Of God, when a Young Man marries a Young Woman. Of the Devil, when an Old Woman marries a Young Man. And of Death, when an Old Man marries a Young Woman.  
There is no doubt he was much in the right, for a Young Couple may live with Content. Old Women married to Young Men, live in perpetual Discord. Old Men married to Young Women, hasten their own Death, either through Jealousy, or Excess.  
But because these things are too vulgar, and the meanest capacities have some knowledge of them, and consequently the judicious, enough; it is time to come to particulars not so obvious.  
Know then, Sir, that by Wedlock, another Soul is added to your Soul, and a new Duty is laid upon that which before was incumbent on you: and therefore your care and industry ought proportionably to increase. Just as a Man who having one good Farm which he looked after, and endeavoured to improve; if another happened to fall to him, would endeavour to double his Industry, that he might manage both, without expressing any concern or trouble: So a Married Man, without afflicting himself, must double his Forecast and Care, that he may not be wanting to the new Charge he has taken, and is laid upon him by the Wife he has received; not that he should expose and ruin her, and himself in her, but that he should Live more pleasant and comfortably with her.  
Let us see if it be possible to prescribe some rule of Love, which is often what makes Married People most Unhappy; sometimes because it is wanting, and sometimes because it is excessive. Let us at least spread the Nets to catch this sort of prudent Love, and let him fall into the Snare if he will, though it is likeliest he will fly from it, and that perhaps is the reason he is painted with Wings.  
The Wife must be beloved, but not so that the Husband be lessened or brought into danger. That sort of blind Love is only fit for Mistresses, the Love of a Wife must have Eyes. Let him either recover his own, or borrow sight from the Understanding, which can plentifully supply him.  
It is then a Man is lessened by his Wife, when he forfeits his Authority, and exposes his Reputation, rather than contradict her will; in such cases where it is reasonable, she should be contradicted. It is equally dangerous to imitate Narcissus in loving another, as in admiring one's self.  
Certain Cardinals highly commended to Pope Pius Quintus, a Servant he had whom he much favoured, the Pope answered, he is a good Servant, but never contradicts me. It is rather the perfection of Love, than any want of affection, to curb the will of the loved object, when bend upon things not fit to be allowed.  
There are some Men who have so little Sense, they boast of their Captivity. It is an equal shame for a Married Man to let it be known his Wife commands him; or that he makes her his Slave, and not his Companion.  
The Privilege and the Authority that belongs to each, aught of right to be settled and made known at first. The Husband must be like the Sun in his House, the Wife like the Moon; what light she gives, must be borrowed from him, but she must never suffer an Eclipse. He must Govern with absolute power, and his respect must support her Authority. She must fear him, and he must cause all to fear her, than both will be Obeyed.  
In my Opinion Women are like precious Stones, their Price is enhansed or abased according to the account we make of them.  
Such as Mary Women above themselves, in both Fortune or Knowledge, are exposed to great danger. God has delivered you from this danger, Sir, (and all that Mary as you have done) because you two are equal in all respects, wherein there ought to be equality between Man and Wife, and you are superior in those points you ought to be so in. Eldership is a good pledge on the Husband's side, to secure his Prerogative.  
I will not stay to prescribe Remedies for preventing these dangers, for it is not my design to give counsel how to choose a Wife, but how to live with her already chosen.  
He who Marries a Young Wife, has already half compassed his ends: Tender Years are free from ill Customs, because such as are there, having taken no Root, are easily removed.  
A Man accusing his Wife for her ill Qualities before his Prince, was asked by him, at what Age he Married her? The Husband saying, at Twelve Years of Age; the King replied, Then it is you that ought to be punished, for Breeding her so ill.  
A Young Lion is easily tamed. A Bird grows fond of the very Wires of the Cage that confines him; whereas naturally the former is fierce, and the latter free. Education is a second Birth, and if it differ from the first in any particular, it is only that the second is the more prevalent.  
A Man of Sense and Judgement Marrying a Woman at that Age, must imagine he is to be his Wife's Father as well as Husband. He may cause her to be born again in new Conditions: Since we see a Bear, being a Beast so unwieldy that it seems not to know how to go upon the ground, Dance upon a Rope; who can despair of infusing all the good customs, and qualities into a Young Woman that her Husband shall propose? And what reason is there to imagine, she will not follow and Suck in the bad, if the Husband leads her into, and gives her an example to continue in them?  
Very Young Women are in some danger, through the extraordinary Affection they bear towards their Parents and Brothers; and the ill consequences of this inordinate affection are the more to be feared, by how much they are the more plausible. This affection is generally to be regulated by the merits of the Parents and Relations. When Parents are such as they ought to be, it is commendable; when otherwise, it is requisite that Familiarity be presently, with decency broke off. Above all, in Married Women, I would rather see respect for their Parents, than Love, not wholly to exclude it; for there is no true Obedience without some Love: But in case it be too much Love, and they not worthy of it, the remedy is not very difficult, if there be address and policy in the Husband.  
Towards the compassing this end, it is convenient the Husband apply fresh endearment and attractives, and that he Court and Sooth his Wife as much more as would be necessary, were this occasion taken away.  
The Child that knows no other sustenance but the Mother's Breast, leaves it for Honey or Sugar which it finds sweeter than the Milk. The Love of a Husband is more agreeable to a Woman, than that of her Parents and Relations, thence it follows, that a Wife being cherished and obliged by the Husband, easily forgets Father, Mother, Brothers, and all the World for him.  
This endearment ought to be managed with discretion, and be carried on with Actions as well as Words. A Gown or Petticoat not asked, some Curiosity unexpected, an Entertainment abroad not thought of, staying at home some Evening, coming home early some Night, and perhaps Rising late some Morning, are the things that will make way towards her forgetting the usual fondness towards Parents, when it so behoves the Husband.  
Some have doubted whether there could be true Love between those who Marrryed for conveniency, and with formal Articles; and believed this perfect union was reserved only for those who Mary for Love. To this effect a pleasant Gentleman being solicited by a Kinswoman to Marry for conveniency, answered her; Madam, I cannot promise to secure my Love to any Body by Articles before a Notary, but by my own inclination.  
There are good and bad Examples enough of both Kind's; but I being more fond of Reason than Chance, will give my Opinion in this case, tho' to some it may appear new.  
I am persuaded, this thing the world calls Love, is not only one, but several distinct Being's under the same Name. This perhaps may be the reason, the Ancients; feigned so many Loves or Cupids, to each whereof they ascribed a several Birth; and this perhaps, might give occasion to the Spaniards to speak of Love in the Plural Number, calling it Amores, which if but one, would be very improper. I suppose, two sorts of Love: The first is, that common Sympathy or Affection, which of its own natural Force (without any Reason) carries us away to Love we know not what, nor why: The second is, that which continues our Inclination and good Will to those Objects we know and converse with. The first ends in the possession of the Object desired. The second gins there; but in such manner, that neither does the first always produce the second, nor does the second always proceed from the first.  
Hence I infer, that the love produced by Cohabitation, Familiarity and Mutual Duty, between Married People, to be sincere and perfect; has no dependence on that other sort of love, which sprung from the Desires or extravagant Appetite of those, who before disorderly affected one another, which is commonly called Being in Love; and this sort of Inclination being often (if not counterfeit) only the unconsiderate effect of Youth, has proved rather hurtful than beneficial.  
It is not to be doubted, this mistaken Desire which is also miscalled Love, being ill grounded, and deserving rather the name of a vicious Affection, expires in the possession of the Object, because it had no other Foundation but the satisfying an Appetite, which once tasting what it most ardently desired, soon Surfeits, and ever has a Loathing, and nauseates that Delight it so greedily took the first fill of. But, where a sincere love is settled upon solid grounds, a reciprocal Correspondence, mature Reflection, ripeness of Judgement to discern, and an esteem of good Qualities and natural Perfections, as well as exterior Form, and a fading Complexion; that love, I say, must of necessity be lasting, will need no Arts to support it, and will like the Phoenix, be still sweetly burning, for to rise the more vigorous and glorious out of its own Ashes. Let none object, that Love is Blind, and cannot use so much precaution. It is our vile Appetite which is blind, and to which we unjustly give the name of Love. True Love is very clear-sighted, discreet and judicious, and measures all its Actions by the Rules of Honour and Reason.  
It is hard to conceive, how we can truly love a Person we never saw. Much may be said touching this particular, but it belongs not to this place. In this case, we must do like those who cut Timber, and cast it into a River to be carried by the Stream (without any labour) to the place they design: they know not which way their Timber goes, but are satisfied it will come safe, by what has been sent the same way before, and therefore confidently commit it to the water. Let the Husband suffer himself to be carried away by that virtuous custom; let him not strive against the Stream; for when he lest thinks of it, and without knowing how it came to pass, he will find, he loves his Wife entirely, and is reciprocally beloved by her.  
This Position will sound very harsh in the Ears of English Men, and not without reason; nor can I in any manner approve of it. The custom of keeping Women mewed up in Spain and Portugal, is the occasion our Author gives this Advice, suitable to the place where he writ. But, we must not therefore conclude, it is the practice of only those Countries, to take Wives at a venture. All the Great Men of the World use it; Kings and Princes seldom or never, see their Consorts till secured; and this custom has descended to all Men of any considerable Fortunes, who are often contracted to Women at a great distance, and all the sight they obtain of them, is a Picture, in which the Painter rather expresses his Art than her Face, and is obliged to Flatter, to enhance his Reward. And to say the truth, where conveniency and interest is the Aim, it is indifferent whether a Man sees the Woman or not, since it is not Her he Marries, but his Interest. If she is Beautiful, he stands not to examine her Qualities; if she is never so much Deformed, he is satisfied, so the Portion be agreeable. Therefore we must not look upon this custom of not seeing the Women, as only usual in other Countries; it is too much the Practice of our own. I must avow, I can no way approve of it, being certainly the occasion of so many unhappy Matches, as may be obvious without descending to particular Examples, which would be endless; for it is visible, that few of the greatest Men, and they are generally Married after this manner, have no more esteem for their Wives than what Decency superficially obliges them to. Few love, most for shame strive to be Civil to them. But let us return to our Author:  
Let the Wife be made sensible, it is her Duty to love her Husband above all things. Let the Husband understand, he must be most in love with his Honour, and next with his Wife.  
There is an ancient Spanish Proverb that says, She who has no Husband, has no Friend. And another says, He who has a Wife, has all he wants. This is verified in every happy Couple. Proverbs are Sentences full of Truth, which Experience has put into the mouths of the People.  
But, because it happens that notwithstanding all precautions, when God will punish us with the Cross or Shame of a Woman of perverse Temper; she struggles to maintain herself in her Disorders. We will discourse of the ill Qualities they are generally subject to, that fit Remedies may be applied to them all: Yet it must not be hoped, that all Women are in a possibility of being Cured.  
Some Women believe, that because they are true to their Marriagebed, their Husbands are obliged in all other respects, to bear with whatsoever they will impose upon them. This is a very gross mistake, for two Reasons: The first, because a Husband is no way beholding to an honest Woman, for performing the Duty she owes to God, to Nature, to her Fame, and even to her Safety.  
I remember that being at Madrid, I had a Neighbour a high spirited Woman, who quarrelling one day (as she always used to do,) still buzzed in her Husband's Ears, Sir, I am very Honest. And he replied, Then ask your Reward of God Almighty, for it lies not upon me to requite you for being so, but to punish you if you are not.  
The second Reason is, because the Honour of the Husband is not only lost by Incontinency, but by many other Perils, to which they expose Men by their Extravagancies. It was therefore a witty, but not a true Saying, of one who affirmed, That no Man had more need of Patience, than he who had a good Wife, a good Servant, and a good Horse; for that each of them sensible of their own Value, followed their own Will, and not that of the Master or Owner. On the same reason perhaps, was grounded that waggish Spanish Saying; A good Mule, a good Goat, and a good Woman, are three scurvy Beasts.  
Imperious and high Spirited Women are the hardest to be reclaimed, because they grow more haughty upon the meekness of a Husband, which ought to be their only cure: it being always known, that the Proud are more insolent where they find Humility, and the Outrageous grow more fierce at the sight of Mildness. Among People of Credit, no force or violence can be used. This gave occasion to a Wise Man to say, That among other things, the Commonalty had wrested from the Gentry, one was the privilege of correcting their Wives whensoever they deserved it.  
It requires a great deal of Prudence, to curb Women of this Temper. I would advise those who are under such unhappy circumstances, to avoid as much as may be, living in Courts and great Towns. Those who make a noise in a Desert, are least heard. This will put a stop to many inconveniencies: and a Man will avoid becoming the Town-talk; for the Actions of such unhappy Couples, are the common discourse of Censorious Tongues. This is no small Reflection on the Husband, and is in some measure an Affront always sounding in his Ears, no less than the Voice of his noisy Wife.  
An ugly Wife is a common Trouble, but may be eased many times in a day; that is, as often as the Husband goes out of her sight, or she out of his. Let him consider, the security of his Thoughts is of much more value than the pleasure of his Eyes. Let him rest satisfied in this Security, and persuade himself, the difference is not much between losing all Beauty at once, and seeing it daily decay, which is no small Affliction to him that loves. All Women are subject to this Decay, either by Age, Sickness, or other Misfortunes incident to them. This made an ingenious Man complain, Not that Nature cut off, but that it made Beauties grow old.  
He who has a Deformed Wife, has the least cause to complain of any Man, or if he does, it ought to be only of himself. Other Imperfections may be hid; Beauty and Deformity are too visible to be imposed upon any Man. If he saw not the Wife before Marriage, he was in the wrong to take her at a venture; were he to buy a Horse, he would doubtless see him first. If he saw, and liked, his Fault is greater in being so changeable to reject now, what then he approved of. If Convenience and Interest prevailed above the consideration of Form, his Crime is greatest, in selling his Satisfaction first, and not prising afterwards the poor Creature has purchased him at a dear rate. These considerations should stir him up to Love and Respect; but if they are not of force enough, let him look through those exterior Imperfections; he may perhaps, discover the Beauties of a Soul far transcending all those of the Body. When Nature is defective in one part, it for the most part makes amends in another. It is usual for some Men with one Eye, to see more than others with two. Many Beautiful Bodies have deformed Souls; and the contrary, this latter is the most perfect Beauty.  
A foolish Woman is troublesome, but not intolerable. The Husband must endeavour to lend as much of his Discretion towards directing the Actions of his Wife, as he sees she wants. A Man of sense will observe this method; but if he have as little as she, her weakness will never trouble him.  
Few Men will be so mad to marry a mere Natural: for the rest, if a Woman has sense enough to preserve her Honour, the Husband had better bear with Simplicity and Innocence, which may be guided and informed, than with the incorrigible Humours and Vanity of Women, puffed up with the conceit of their Wit, Discretion and Parts. It is certain, the Pride of their own Abilities has debauched more Women, and dishonoured more Men, than ever could be reckoned to suffer damage by Ignorance or want of Judgement.  
Sickness, which she is subject to, is also a great Affliction. It is a grief to see the Person beloved languish, and it is often they that deserve it least; for Good and Evil has always been very unequally distributed in this World. A Sick Wife must be treated with all delicacy imaginable, and her Humours tolerated with all possible Patience. A Man may make this account, that it being decreed one half of him must suffer; it is a Mercy of God, it should fall upon that half which will be least miss in his Family. Let him consider, it is the Duty of a faithful Companion, to stick by his Company in the bad as well as the good way. If the Scale were turned, the Husband would desire to be treated in the same manner by his Wife.  
There are some Women extravagantly impertinent, and never to be pleased; all their uneasiness falls upon the Servants, to whom they become insupportable: so the House gets an ill Name, and the Master can scarce find any body that will serve him. It is requisite these Women be held in, and their Power restrained; that like People labouring under some infectious Distemper, they be served at a distance, that little ear be given, and less said to them. Let them feel the effects of their ill Humours, by leaving them without the necessary Attendance; for if this will not reduce them, any other Remedy is hard to be found, and the innocent Husband suffers for the peevishness of his ill natured Wife, that has gained the ill-will of the Servants, who want Discretion to distinguish between the Actions of the one and the other, and consequently which of them merits their Love, and which their Hate.  
Some Women are penurious, and this is one of the smallest Faults they are subject to. I do not look upon it of any dangerous consequence (tho' it may breed some Discontent;) for if the Husband is generous, he will remedy the fault of the Wife; and if like her, they will live in misery, but with content. I think, all the cunning Hierogliphics of Egypt have not a more witty Simile, than our Portuguese Proverb, The Husband a Boat, the Wife a Chest. I had it long since from an Old Woman, and observed it as if it had been from a Learned Man. The Husband must bring in, and the Wife must keep.  
A Jealous Wife is very apt to cause Discontent. A Man of Judgement used to say, Keep a Jealous Wife idle: that is, give her no occasion, and she will not seek it. He did not distinguish between a just cause of Complaint, and a groundless Jealousy; for I call not her Jealous, whose Discontent proceeds from open Wrongs. Those are Jealous who complain without cause, and they are the troublesome Women: For it is difficult, but not impossible to any Man, to mend his own Faults; but to correct those of others, is not difficult, but impossible. The best Remedy against a Jealous Wife, is to give her no occasion, and that will secure both Honour and Conscience. Those that are Jealous with cause, are cured of their Jealousy, by the Husbands curing himself of his Failing As for light Suspicions, which an ingenious Man called, The Itch of Love, for that they are at once painful and pleasant; the same Medicines that were applied to a Mistress, will heal a Wife of them: That inordinate Passion is most fierce, and therefore the Jealousy proceeds from it the more violent, (as the best Vinegar is made of the strongest Wine:) Therefore, he who knew how to divert the Jealousy of a Mistress, when he had one, may by the same methods, remove the Jealousy of his Wife when Married.  
Tho' it be uneasy to see a Woman Jealous without cause, there is still that comfort in it, It is the effect of Love; and a Husband may the better bear with that Failing, considering it as a demonstration of Affection in his Wife. Let him apply soft Medicines, continual Endearments, and constant Kindness, will probably reclaim any reasonable Woman. If her madness be not otherwise curable, a harsh Remedy may, sometimes applied with discretion, have a good effect. I will not attempt to prescribe it, but give this Example: A Gentleman who kept unseasonable hours, at his coming home, always found his Wife up, she grew Sickly, and Pined; not understanding the reason, he one day called a Servant that attended on her, and what by Threats, what by fair Means, brought her to confess, her Mistress every night followed him till she saw him Housed; and that with the Fatigues of walking the Streets, the cold Nights, and vexing at home, she was reduced to that condition. The Gentleman charged the Maid to keep counsel, and took no notice of what he had heard; but the following night went out as usual, and knowing her to be at his Heels, walked the Streets till near Morning; she still pursuing him. He went home; the Wife perceiving by his Ramble, she was discovered, never more offered to follow him, and he for the future kept better Hours.  
The next that come in the way, are the Extravagant wasteful Women, the devouring flame of Houses and Families. This is a most Pernicious quality, because it carries some shadow of Goodness, and is much applauded. A Woman ought to handle Money with as much caution as she would a Sword, or Fire, or any other thing she ought to be afraid of. Money in the hands of a Woman, is as unbecoming as a Weapon. If a Married Woman of herself, has not sufficient Authority to turn away a Servant, how can she pretend to dispose of her Substance, in which consists the Welfare and Happiness of Masters and Servants. Much caution and discretion is requisite, to manage one of these Women: for as in a Ship at Sea, the springing a Leak, because Under-water is more dangerous, than if many Breaches were made upon the Deck, or Sides of the Ship that bear above the Sea; so no other defect is equally dangerous, as the profuseness of a Wife, because it is a fault Under-water, it ruins the main Stoek, and the Family must inevitably Perish. There are some of these who will Mortgage an Estate, to gratify a Humour, or please their Appetite. Not only great Ladies are subject to this Folly (for in them it is less dangerous, and therefore more excusable,) but even very ordinary People. When I was at Madrid, there came to the House where I lay, a Labourers Wife, begging very earnestly, they would lend her twelve Royals upon a pair of Sheets; and being asked, What was her great want? she answered, Good Lord! Gentlemen, I have agreed for half a dozen of Jet-hands, (they are Baubles usually hung about children's Neck, to preserve them from ill Eyes, as they say,) and if I miss of them now, I know not when they may be had again. Such a fancy, if not customary, is the more tolerable. It is more excusable in Youth, in a Married Woman less to be born. Let every Woman consider, the World is greater than her Appetite, that she may not pretend to want all she sees and hears. God deliver us from those who verify that Proverb, My Daughter's Eyes cover all she Spies. These Women must be put in mind, they are first to have regard to their Duty, next to Temperance, and after these may be allowed to look to their Pleasure.  
What shall I say of those wilful Women, who will be positive and absolute in their Opinions: these for the most part, are either very Foolish or very Proud. I cannot allow of arguing with a Wife, for this is granting them an equality of Judgement and Authority, which must be carefully avoided. She must be made sensible, it is not her part to understand, but to obey, and to be lead, not to lead. Let her sometimes be put in mind, that having in Marriage resigned her Will to her Husband, it is now a Crime to make use of what is not her own.  
There is no doubt, my Author has incurred the displeasure of all the Female Sex, by seeming to debar them the handling and disposing of Money, which they esteems an essential part of their Prerogative, and not without reason: yet in this point as well as others, I think him no way meritorious of their Censure; he speak of prodigal Women, such as have no regard to the welfare of Husband and Family, so they gratify their own profuse appetite. Such Wives cannot certainly be too severely Curbed. We think it not strange that Children and Fools, should have Tutors or Keepers, and be debarred the extravagant use of Money. Why then if a Married Woman still continues in her Minority, and never recovers Sense enough to moderate her Expenses; shall not a Husband take upon him to be her Guardian, her Tutor, and her Keeper? I Knew a Lady, who having wasted her Husband's Estate, and drowned his Credit by Gaming, was still so fond of that destructive Devil, she would play with her Servants, and lose her wearing Apparel. I have seen another Pawn her Husband's , to appear Splendid abroad, and even her own Gown, to go to a Play. What Restraint, what Rigour is too great for such Monsters as these? But on the other side, to deprive a Prudent Woman from having a hand in the Purse; I look upon it not only as unkind, but inhuman. We trust our Children, our Friends, our Servants, nay often Strangers, and shall we refuse to trust our second Selves? We trust a Wife with our Life, our Content, and wha● is most, our Honour, and shall we refuse to trust her with our Estates? I● is an absurd Abuse to make a Settlement on the Wife for , for idle Expenses, to make her Presents to Limit her to an Allowance; and ye● all this passes with the Ignorant for Kindness. These Methods are prope● for a Mistress, who may be turned of at pleasure, and therefore must only be fed, and not enriched. A Wife should have all at Command, she should be under no confinement, al● the Husband has, should be here's without reserve; he has given Himself to her, and he who gives himself reserves nothing. This must be understood of a Prudent Woman, she must covet nothing above her Fortune and Quality, and he must oppose nothing that is suitable to both. No Restraint is too great for an Extravagant, and no Liberty too much for a discreet Woman.  
All these Faults are nothing, in comparison of Lightness, and Immodesty; I dare not speak it out, because I find not a Word decent enough to express it. There is a sort of vain lose, and faithless Women, that are led away by every Wind that blows, and this is the greatest of all other Evils. I will not Discourse of it, for it is needless to assign any Remedy in that case. Let every Man's Honour and Conscience be his Counsellor, under these Unhappy Circumstances. An Ingenious Man very Wittily determined this Point in few words thus: Let the Husband take all things from his Wife, but wrongs of Honour; and the Wife Marriage, Wrongs and all: Yet I must observe, it is of dangerous consequence to allow of that Pretence of theirs, That there is no harm in Wit and Gallantry. This is a Practice brought up to Disguise Lewdness, and no way Justifiable. It is usual to make way with a Gimlet, before we drive a Nail; no Vice takes possession on the Soul all at once. That Insect which in Brasil causes Sickness, may serve as an Example to all the World. It enters invisibly, is at first but a Pastime, grows troublesome, passes to be a Disease, and may prove dangerous. A Woman's Honour may be compared to Arithmetic; it is as bad to be out in one as in a Thousand. Let Honest Women Balance their Accounts, and they will find this a sure Reckoning.  
Custom in Spain, and some other Countries, has made it safe for a Man to Kill his Wife, if she is false to him; the Law is not positive for it, but the Practice is frequent, and tolerated. The Law of God does not allow it, yet we find the Levitical ordains a Woman Convicted of Adultery to be Stoned to Death by the People. The Husband is not here allowed to be Judge and Executioner in his own Cause, but yet Death we see is the Punishment of that Crime. If the Law of the Land did allow it, I believe it were no Offence then before God, for the Husband to be the Executioner; for since God adjudged the Crime to deserve Death, it is doubtless indifferent who Executes the Sentence. If this power were Invested in the Husband, the terror of it would prevent much scandalous lewdness, which now Triumphs barefaced. No Advice can be given to a Man under this most Unhappy Circumstance. He must summon all his Discretion, and all his Resolution, he must Steer steadily between Honour and Conscience, and let them both direct his Actions. That most pernicious Liberty, Women pretend to of Wit, and Raillery; aught by all Men of Sense to be carefully cut off, as infamous and abominable. It is either a Disguise, or Introduction to Lewdness, and Debauchery. The Woman that haunts the Doors of Chocolate-Houses in a Hackney-Coach, to be thought a Wit, that sits with a Mask in the Pit to rally the Beau's, that Laughs and Talks loud in the Boxes, and Disguises herself to be Picked up in the Galleries, if she is not already lost, is a Riding Post on the Highway to Perdition. The Husband who knows (and unless he will, he cannot be Ignorant) and bears with this, deserves all the Plagues and Miseries that follow an Infamous and Lewd Wife. If kindness and fair means will not prevail to reclaim a Woman before this becomes habitual, there is no rigour or severity so great, but is yet too little to correct and keep her under.  
It will not be proper to pass by some, who value themselves on their Beauty: It is no crime in a Woman to be sensible of her worth; I have often commended it: It is as requisite we should understand what we possess that is good; as what there is ill in us; that we may preserve the former, and correct and put a stop to the latter. Beauty should be used like Quality; every Body may rejoice they have it, but need not make it their Business to proclaim it. It is a madness for a Man to draw his Sword upon every trifle. The Husband whose Wife is infected with this sort of vain Glory, must observe he deals in a dangerous Commodity; for this Female-Ware is contrary to all other Merchandise, and the more it is coveted, is the less to be valued: Therefore some have doubted, whether Beauty were given as a Reward or Punishment.  
We are got out of this intricate Labyrinth, and have overcome the dangers that surround it. All these are to be met with in the World, but a prudent Man will still be safe. We see in Sea-charts the Sands Seamen are to shun, are as carefully set down, as the Ports they are to Anchor in. Having showed some Shadows of the Perils and Inconveniences caused by the Imperfections of Women, I have as good as discovered the Satisfaction and Happiness that attends a good one: And indeed that Blessing is so great, it is not to be expressed. All Praises are too little for a Virtuous Woman, and therefore the Husband ought to treat her as a Heavenly Gift. I will briefly touch some Rules that must be, not only learned, but well practised, in order to preserve your Honour, and your Wife, on which that has so much dependence. It is not enough to plant Myrtle in a Garden to adorn it, and that it may form pleasing and delightful Figures; the small Boughs must be twisted, and the irregular Branches cut, and all will not do, unless the Gardener be continually Trimming and Ordering of it, for it sprouts and grows out of form.  
The Custom of taking of some Servants for the Master, and others for the Mistress, aught to be carefully avoided. Wedlock is the Union of two why then should they divide themselves: It is easier to give this Advice, than persuade the Practice of it, therefore I would not quite pass by, nor will I insist upon it.  
It is now looked upon as Grandeur, to have separate Lodgings and Apartments, some Married People observe this State as long as they Live, and some Husbands abstain from their own Wives, more than from those of their Neighbours. In this case, let us consult the Walls of the most Ancient Buildings, and they will inform us what the Custom was then. We shall see that the House which then contained a great Lord, is now too little for an overgrown Yeoman. I am not so fond of Antiquity, as rashly to cry up all that was then in use, but I highly approve of the plain Way of Living, not of formality and reservedness. All the Rooms, all the Apartments ought to be in common between Man and Wife; the contrary is a very dangerous abuse.  
To allow of Favourites or Confidents in a House, who think their Duty is confined to the Mistress, that they are obliged only to keep her Secrets, to serve and please her alone, that from her they must expect their Reward, and only fear her Displeasure, is an oversight which may prove of very dangerous consequence. Great Men used to say, the more Servants the more Enemies; and it is a saying of the Holy Scripture. There is also a sort of Hangers on, which are, and are not Servants, and these are the worst, and most pernicious of Household Enemies. Custom, or rather the Devil has brought up a kind of little privileged Pages. The use of them is by no means to be tolerated, they have continually access to their Lady upon all occasions, they are subtle and crafty, and under the shadow of favour, grow wicked and designing. The Pages ought all to belong to the Master; such as are modest, and have good Education, may wait upon the Lady, and it will be convenient to change them: Experience teaches this Method to be safer than the contrary, and therefore there needs no other persuasion to back it, every one will follow that course he finds most convenient. Pages are to be kept at a distance, seldom admitted, and only into such Rooms as are common to all Servants, because if they are little, they carry Messages to the Maid Servants, and Solicit for others, I will not give a courser Name; if great, they plead their own cause, and either may redound to the dishonour of the Family.  
The Old Duke of Alva seeing an overgrown Page going into the women's Apartment, he called him and said, Go bid the Steward either Geld you, or secure your Escape; he meant if he were not Gelt, he must fly, or his Life would be in danger for that familiarity with the Women.  
A Misfortune happened in a Lady's House, and it fell out so unseasonably, that they were forced to send for the Midwife for one of her Servants late at Night, the Messenger cried out loud in the Street, as he thought, the more to palliate the thing, Mistress Midwife make haste to such a Lady's House, for one of her Governants is in Labour. Observe, what a Proclamation to be made in a Street. Who could be so much blamed for the dishonour of that House, as the Master of it? When a Heath takes Fire, they sweep the ways that be between the Bushes, that no Straw, Stubble or Shrub may convey the Fire across. These Straws, Shrubs and Twigs often raise great Conflagrations. Let the House be always clean, and well swept, it is not only cleanliness, but a great ease.  
I must speak of Female Servants, and would be glad to whisper, if Writing could be raised higher, and sunk lower as the Voice can: As to the Number, every one must proportion it to his Quality, and have a care of exceeding his Fortune. The Custom of other Countries in this particular, is to be preferred before that of Spain, there Ladies of great Quality do not keep above 2 or 3 Maids about them. I had as good here as elsewhere, whilst I think of it, tell you a witty Saying I heard from a famous Preacher? it is this, He who spends less than he has is a Wise Man, he who spends what he has is a Christian, and he who spends more than he has is a Thief. In a well Governed Family, there should be no Excess in any particular; and if there must be a Want, let it be of that which is least visible, such as Maid Servants, for they ought to be least seen in the House, but not the most unfit for sight. If it were only to prevent the trouble they are to a Family, we should endeavour to have as few of them as may be. It is not convenient the Lady have any particular Favourite, they must be all equal in her esteem, still with respect to their degree. All must love her, she be kind to all, they all be Servants, she Mistress of them all; let her not become a Friend, or Companion to any.  
I must needs tell you a Story, I relate, but do not force it upon you. A great Man, very Wise and politic told me, That as soon as his Wife began to favour one Maid more than another, if Young, he made Love to her, till the good Lady growing Jealous, turned her off, or at least did no longer favour her; if old, he Bought her with Money and Gifts, and then the Lady being suspicious could not endure her. This distracted the Wife, and pleased the Husband, so that she perceiving it at length, never gave more Countenance ●o one than the rest. I look upon this is too far stretched a Contrivance, but he was very proud of it. This is by way of a Story, not Advice. Since we are about it, what more occurrs rela●ing to Women-servants, shall not be omitted; if I seem tedious, consider I insist the more upon this Point, as being that on which the Honour and Peace of Married People has a great dependence. Women, that like the River Nile, have their Origin unknown, and ●t cannot be found whence they come, are as much to be avoided as the Crocodiles that River breeds. There are some that affect Greatness, others that boast of their high Kindred: Pray God ●t be not by Affinity: many that give out they are Bastard Daughters to Noblemen, which (if such) being ill Bred by their Mothers, are unfit to make good Servants; some who pretend to be parted from their Husbands, others whose Husbands have been gone many Years ago for India, none of these sorts are safe, and perhaps nothing they say true. These Women are commonly Wits, understand Music Act and Mimic what they see, bring up new Fashions, are great Embroiderers, fine Semstresses, and with such like Charms bewitch their Ladies; who not reflecting upon the hidden Danger are easily drawn into their Snare; they are cherished and esteemed, and then lift themselves above their Fellow Servants; thus the House is put into confusion, and yet this perhaps is but the least part of the harm. They relate strange Intrigues to their Ladies, often show them how to overcome Difficulties, and bring Examples of such cases; in fine, they are like the Itch of Honour, which being a base and loathsome Distemper, is yet by some counted pleasant, and does a delightful harm to the Person it has taken possession of. It is worth Consideration, whether it is convenient to be served by Persons of great Abilities and Parts; if of known Probity, it were not amiss. Yet we see the greatest danger is in them; for Fortune is always at variance with Nature; whom one favours, the other always slights. A Friend of mine very well expresses this; writing That Music, Poetry, Valour and Love are the four sides of Folly, not but each of them is commendable: but, because these and the like good Parts are the Lot of Persons, in other respects inconsiderable, and of weak and slender Judgements. When the Wife signifies a desire of entertaining such Persons in her Service, the Husband may obstruct it with Courtesy and Kindness, so that he rather seem to divert, than oppose it. He may tell, her Laces are to be had at the Exchange; they who make the Dresses, have the newest Fashions, and all things are bought cheaper than made; for nothing is good or cheap, that is purchased with uneasiness and discontent.  
The best sort of Servants are the Daughters of those that have served in the Family, of whose Affection and Fidelity, Proofs have been given; the Children of Tenants, or Neighbours, people that have been long known; all of that Rank of people that are not, nor aught to be ashamed to serve, and by whom the Mistress may without Regret or Vanity, expect to be attended.  
There are certain Women in the World that are taken in as Guests, to keep them from harm. I will never encourage Entertaining of them. Many Ladies are proud to protect such Women in their Houses. I would not be against doing Good, but it is an undiscreet Charity, to take burning Coals out of the Fire that they may not be consumed, and put them into one's Bosom to burn it. This is not so general a Rule, but the Husband as he finds occasion, may dispense with it.  
In our days, contrary to the ancient Practice, it is grown a Custom, for the Women-servants to be as well Clothed as their Mistresses. They use Policy, persuading their poor Ladies (whom thereby they make poorer) that it is for their Credit their Attendance should be as well Apparelled as themselves, and bring Examples of others of less Quality, whose Maids are better Clothed. Thus it often happens, the Mistress is not known from the Maid; and the Mistake is much more excusable, than that they say was made by a Tenant of a Nobleman, who was very Young and newly Married. The Tenants coming into the room where the Bride and Bridegroom lay, and perceiving no difference between them, the Hair of both being Plaited, and neither having any Beard, he innocently asked, Which of the two was the Bridegroom? for to him he would deliver his Message: With how much more reason might more judicious Persons now a-days, seeing Mistresses and Servants in the same Dress, ask, Which was the Lady? The least inconveniency this Custom brings, is the excessive Charge, which yet is such, that if we consider the care and trouble some Masters go through, to support the Vanity of their Servants, the Slavery of the former is much greater in providing for the latter, than theirs in serving the others.  
Experience teaches us, of how ill consequence this Extravagancy in Servants Apparel, generally is: they seeing themselves so Gay, grow Proud, and endeavour to improve the opportunity to make their Fortunes, and striveing by those means to better themselves, often run into ruin: it is the Husband's business, to appoint what rate the Apparel of each must bear; Women must be allowed all Neatness and Decency but not all manner of Gaudiness; every Servant must be Clothed according to her Place.  
Let them not be permitted to entertain Gallants, or encourage Courtships this is but used of late years, and very needless: That Allowance can only be tolerated in Palaces, where Dread and Reverence suppress Malice, which even there often breaks lose and violates the Immunity of the Place. Great care is to be had, what Kindred of both Sexes follow them; Cousins and Brothers-in-law, unless very well known, may speak with them at a distance, and if they converse not at all, it is so much the better. It is a Disease, to suffer Maids to go to their Sisters or Aunts to be cured: there is Danger, in permitting them much to ramble Abroad, tho' with an Old Governant to overlook them. Too much Friendship among them is dangerous, much Whispering and Secrets are suspicious: they are not to be suffered to call one another by Nicknames of their own framing, as Husband, Granny, Gossip, or my Love, my Dear, and the like; for this, tho' of itself it be not bad, is in my opinion, only a Practice like playing with Foils, that they may become expert to do Mischief.  
Yet would I not give the Advice to Masters, that Machiavelli does to Princes, That they sow Discord among their Servants; that so every one being false to his Fellow, they may be all true to the Master. A Married Man must be vigilant, but must not expect to obtain Unity by evil means, that is only found (if any where) in a peaceable and well-governed House. I do not pretend to immure, or wholly shut up these Women, nor refuse them what is fit and decent; I only hint where the Danger lies, that by the care of the Master, the Mistress and Servants may escape it. Above all things, the Master must endeavour to be beloved by the Women-servants, and to this purpose is to treat them with all imaginable Kindness; and if he finds their Mistress wrong them, he must appease and rectify all. Let him not appear more zealous for any one in particular, but carry an even hand with all. Liberality is of great force to attain this end, giving them sometimes what they dont expect from him.  
As it is requisite for the preservation of our Health, that there be a harmonious Agreement between the Head and other Members of the Body, so there must be Concord and Unity between the Master of a House and his Family, to live with Pleasure and Satisfaction. Women are the most subject to raise Discontent, and cause a Disturbance; therefore it is requisite, to carry it very fair and even with them, lest they being discomposed, infect and poison the Happiness of the House.  
Now, Sir, as a Reward for the Danger I have exposed myself to, in discoursing with such freedom, I desire you will read and keep to yourself this advice: for altho' my present condition seccures me from their Indignation, yet the memory of Past-Suffering makes me still dread and stand in awe of them.  
Part of what I have said in relation to the Women, may be applied to the Men-Servants. The first Point I will touch concerning them, is, that no one of them be so distinguished from the rest, that it may afford any ground of Suspicion to the Mistress. This often happens when Favour is indiscreetly placed on any one; for Women are apt to suspect those Servants are employed by their Masters in scandalous Affairs; and they chief disaffect those that are of old standing, as believing them the Managers of their Youthful Extravagancies: if this happen, let the Husband convince his Wife, that rather than she shall be dissatisfied, he cannot only exclude that Servant his Favour, but banish him his House; and if requisite, let him do it: for in this case, the supporting such a Servant, is a confirmation of the Wives Jealousy. I dare answer, a kind Woman that loves her Husband, will be satisfied to know it is in her power to be rid of that Eyesore, since the disposal of it is left to her. Women are often like Colts, that go better when you give them their Head, and they think themselves at liberty, than when they are Kerbed, and under Restraint.  
Passion and Roughness is not a cure for Women; they are to be treated with Meekness and Civility. If any Artifice were allowable between Married People, I should think it a good Rule to make a Woman believe, she could do any thing with her Husband, and yet in reality, she should have no farther power over him, than to obtain things reasonable. A Woman of sense is to know, she is obliged to honour whom her Husband honours; and an honest Man, that he is to encourage none to disrespect his Wife.  
It cannot be denied a Master, to have more kindness for one or more Servants than for the rest, according as each has merited by his Service. Take this as a general Rule in this case, that no body is surprised to see a Servant that has deserved well, in Favour; but all the World is mistrustful, when they see a known unworthy Servant preferred. This extends to Men of Quality, Noblemen and Princes.  
Tho' all Men ought to be cautious in choosing Servants, yet Married-men particularly. Those who value themselves on their Courage, are turbulent; such as are Musicians, are restless; those that are Amorous, unfaithful; those who set up for Beau's, impertinent. The best are Men well born and well-bred, and who have a sense of Honour; these are their best Qualifications. Let the number be suitable to the Estate, as has been said of the Women. The House of a discreet Man must be always kept at a stand: yet this equality may be dispensed with upon some occasions. Weddings, the Birth of Children, Preferment, and public rejoicings, require some increase of Family, which is needless to be continued when that time is past; and it would look ill to pass-by such times, without making some exterior Demonstration; for the World will not judge that Frugality to proceed from Prudence, but Avarice.  
I remember a Court-Passage to this purpose: I happened to be at Court when a King sent an Embassy to the Emperor; the Person appointed was of great prudence; he added nothing to his former Retinue. The Ministers looked upon this Frugality as a Crime: and because the King had ordered this Affair whilst he was Sick, some unlucky people said, His Majesty sent that Ambassador on his behalf in that nature, because he had vowed, if he recovered his Health, he would go barefoot to a certain place of Devotion in Germany.  
What is said of the Number, may have some relation to the Entertainment of Servants. Their Diet must always be plentiful; nothing so much obliges People that aim not high, as good Feeding, which is a Satisfaction, or Misery they go through twice a day: as to the , they (as has been said) may be better or worse, according to the time and occasions that offer. But to be more plain in this case, I look upon it as the wiser course, to  and keep a Table for the Bachelors, than they are fed and clean: if they have Money, they play or spend it lavishly, and then starve. This is the danger of those that are come to Years of Maturity; for those that are young, hear what a Courtier of Quality used to say, That his Pages were never without the Itch, till he brought them to lie with his Wife's old Governants. One instance more: A Prelate of a very strict Religious Order told me, He always kept his Friars hungry, that they might still be thinking how to feed better. The contrary must be used with Servants, for their Thoughts are not so bad when their Bellies are full.  
Having settled the Married man's Family and Retinue, let us say something of the Wife, and then will give further Directions in all other Affairs. My intention (as has been already said) is not to give Advice how to choose a Wife; these Remarks are for one already Married, and that has made a good Choice.  
It has been often asked, Whether it is convenient to make use of those good Parts nature has endowed her with, as Singing, Dancing, composing Verses, and other the like Accomplishments to be found in some Women, and which more might have share in, were they not modestly suppressed? This Question asked of me, would put me to a stand, because it looks like Malice and Impiety, to hid, and in a manner destroy those Perfections God has bestowed on another; and yet it is almost impossible to restrain the use of them, within the bounds of Prudence and Decency.  
The Princess de la Roche Suryon in France, who was a most discreet Woman, and unhappy in a Husband, used to say to this purpose: That of the Three Faculties of the Soul, which she had when she Married, her Husband had taken Two, and left her but One, which she would willingly give him; for that She neither had Will nor Understanding, and only retained the Memory that She had once possessed them, which served only the more to grieve her for the loss.  
To be too well Accomplished in some Women, is a thing of dangerous consequence; because it carries its own Recommendation, needs no Helps, and Prudence failing in the use of it; what seems a Blessing, turns to a Misfortune.  
It is very commendable for a Woman to Sing to her Husband and Children, and it may be permitted her to Dance, if very young, in her own Apartment: I cannot approve of carrying Castanets in her Pocket, learning wild Catches, and dancing Jigs; these are all incentives of Lewdness. To Rally, and set up for a Wit in every Company, at Church, at Court, at the Play, is most pernicious, and hard to prevent; for no body reputes of that which gains Applause, be the means good or bad. Let the Husband keep a watchful Eye; and if he reclaims her, it is a great Work: for as yet, I never saw any that was sick of that Distemper, recover.  
How disagreeable will this Doctrine sound to many of our Ladies, and yet how highly commendable it is? I have spoke, tho' little, more than will be grateful to many, in relation to their Wit, and will not therefore farther incur their Displeasure on that account. One word as to Dancing and Singing: For the first, I believe all the Devils in Hell held a Council to invent it; for doubtless, never any thing turned more to their Account, or was more destructive to Human Kind. More Designs have been set a foot, more Intrigues carried on, and more Women debauched by Dancing, than by all the other contrivances of Lewdness yet found out: the very invention of Balls had no other end, but compassing of Women, otherwise not to be attained; the Invention has been improved, and seems now to be at the height. Dancing-Schools are, and have always been accounted by the wiser sort, no better than Seminaries of Vice, to ensnare young innocent Women, and support experienced Sinners. In fine, Dancing is reckoned the grand Accomplishment, and in reality, it is the grand Introduction to Lewdness; it is called an Ornament of Carriage, and is a depravation of Manners; it is esteemed a Perfection, and is the most noted Rock for Shipwrecked Virtue. I am not insensible, I draw upon myself the Indignation of the Beau's, not because they believe this opinion false, but because if received, it would cut them off the great Advantages they make by this Exercise, towards debauching Young Women: I incur the Displeasure of those Ladies, who think all things good and lawful, that are for Delight. But above all, the Dancing-Masters Anger will (with most reason) be provoked, by exposing what is their Maintenance. None of them need be offended; they will be no losers by wholesome Doctrine: for the World is too wicked ever to be reclaimed. Singing is a Heavenly Perfection, if a Woman has discretion to know, when to use and when to forbear it: it is always commendable for her, to divert herself, to please her Husband, to be sociable among other Women; but to be heard to Sing in the company of Men, without an express Command of her Husband, is not only vain, foolish, and undecent, but savours much of Impudence: A Wife that Sings to other Men besides her Husband, desires to be admired; if admired, she would be beloved; and she who desires to be beloved, has no love for her Honour. The Husband, who delights to have his Wife Sing among other Men, takes a pleasure she should be admired, and consequently merits all the ill Consequences that are likely to follow. There are Times and Persons exempt from the severity of these Rules; a prudent Man well knows how to discover them, and what is said to prevent Excess, must not be understood wholly to debar a modest and decent Liberty.  
We are now come to the confusion of the Customs of the Court. I am in great fear, lest I should begin not to know what I say, if that be not done already. What limitation can be ascribed to Collations, Play, taking the Air, Company, Gossips and Friends? I wish I could see some Rule or Bounds to these things, whoever it were that assigned it.  
There are some things in themselves indifferent, that are made good or bad only by custom; others in themselves bad, tho' never so much used, can never be made good; and others that being bad, at length by custom become tolerable. Sir, I wish you could guests at these things, without obliging me to to declare them; but I will do it by very obvious Examples. Fashions in , I look upon as things indifferent; when Farthingales were wore, they were thought good and decent; since left off, they are become absurd and ridiculous. I have a Book writ by Alonso Caranca, against Men wearing their Hair long, and another composed by Pedro Mexia, which does not cease exclaiming against its being wore short. This is the effect of Custom; for when the one of these lived, it was the Fashion to wear long Hair, and the short was thought scandalous and unbecoming; and in the time of the other, short Hair was used, and to let it grow out, looked preposterous. These are the things, which being in themselves indifferent, are by custom made good or bad.  
In the Low-Countries, and Germany, (we may add England,) it is an Act of Freedom, Friendship and good Nature, to drink till they lose their Senses. Here Custom cannot justify, or make good what of itself is a Vice, and naturally bad.  
Formerly any thing eaten above once a day, broke Fast; Custom has introduced eating Collations, and it is allowed good and lawful. This, and many such Practices, brought up only by custom, became allowable, and are not accounted vicious.  
Behold here the power of Custom! Let us allow Women their Fashions, their Visits, their Walks, and the like; things, tho' not good in themselves, now authorised by Custom: but I must be bold to tell you, and all the World, That extravagant Play, disorderly Feasting, late Hours, too much haunting Company, especially such as is not creditable, are the things which no Custom, can justify, or make tolerable. Where the Husband finds these Evils growing, let him put a stop to them in time, before they take Root; they generally spring from Idleness, and vain Desire: let him therefore remove Idleness, by employing her in the care of the Family, and change the Desire for another of more Honour and Advantage, as the desire of living peaceably and contentedly with her Husband, assuring Her, that cannot be whilst She follows those Courses.  
A Person of great Quality speaking in the behalf of a Servant in disgrace, to his Prince, in my hearing, he said, Let him continue in Disgrace; for before I excluded him my Favour, I courted him to take me into the number of these Friends for whom he forsook me, and he would ever leave me to stick to his Friends. In the same nature, a Husband may court his Wife; and if he cannot prevail, she deserves the same Punishment.  
It is a very hard Case, that the Mistress of a House should love every thing but her House, as appears by those who are never in it, or when they are, it is only to help to ruin it. I said, it was convenient to employ the Wife in the Government of the Family; it is good and convenient, not only in order to keep her out of Idleness, but to ease the Husband of that Burden: those trivial Affairs are not fit to employ a Man's Thoughts, and they are proper for a Woman. You would laugh to see an Elephant carry a grain of Wheat in his Trunk, and you admire to see a poor Ant drag it along: therefore our Proverb wisely says, The Husband in the Market, the Wife at home. Those Husbands who will pry into every thing, are as much to blame, as they who will look to nothing.  
In fine, it is convenient the Wife have the care of ordinary Household Expenses, to please, to employ, to let her see, she is entrusted, to busy her with those Thoughts, and divert her from others: if she does it well, what greater Happiness! the Husband may reckon, he has found a Servant as good and as true as himself, who serves him for nothing: if she does it not so well, the Evil is tolerable. How much better is it, the Wife should waste something, than a Servant? if she does amiss, 'tis against her will, or at least with some Fear and Shame; and perhaps the Servant will do ill wilfully, and without any regret. The Houses of the common sort, are generally best managed, because they follow this Rule; the one brings, the other saves.  
I am of opinion, Money should be delivered by small Parcels to a Woman, towards the daily Expense: not to keep them miserably, but because many of them (when they have much) spend profusely. The Husband may let her know, he is but as it were, her Cashkeeper, that she may have recourse to him, as freely as she would to her Drawers; let him not only say so, but make it good by his Actions. He may praise her Management, and admire her Frugality. A good Tailor shows his Art in little Cloth, and a good Coachman in narrow Streets. I dare undertake, if the Woman affects Praise, the Expense will be less the next Month.  
To save the Disgust of calling her to an Account, let him tell her what he spends; and this confidence he puts in her, will oblige her to do the same. These Accounts between Married People, are never to be strictly Balanced; it is enough the Wife owns herself accountable: the consequence will be, that a Woman never thinks herself absolute Mistress of what she possesses; She must spend with fear, and keep with fear, but never be deprived of what she saves, and will then be as thankful for what is not taken from her, as what is given her.  
It is a Custom now (especially among the great ones) to settle the Wife's Allowance in the Articles of Marriage. I would advise those that have promised, to perform it; and such as have not, never to promise it. Marrying an Heiress, breeds much inconveniency in this particular; for Heiresses pretend to be Mistresses of their own, and to have more Power over it than their Husbands: when a Wife pretends to this, she must be informed, that he who is Master of her Person and Life, is so also of her Estate. Who is there that gives a Diamond Ring in a little Box, but gives the Box with it?  
The Rigour our Author mentions, in trusting the Wife with Money, must be understood, where Women are not found capable of manging much, and are lavish of it: For he is unworthy of a good and prudent Woman, who having such a one, does not entrust her with All, and make her as absolute in the Disposal of it, as himself. But I have before touched this Point, and will only add, That a prudent and virtuous Wife ought to possess entirely the Heart, and the very Soul of her Husband, and consequently cannot be debarred the command of his Fortune; all he can give, is still less than she deserves.  
It is needless to say much about her Clothing; let her  be suitable to her Age, and change Apparel as she rises in Years: In this, particular regard must be had to Children, Health, the Presence or Absence of the Husband, as also his Age. If any Rule can be ascribed, I am of opinion, that till she has boar three Children, or is Five and twenty years of Age, all gaiety may be allowed; but even within that time, it may rise and fall: for the very Ornaments of Churches are changed, and sometimes they are put into Mourning. I abhor certain Gay Things always trimmed up, and set out with Embroideries, and Jewels that look like Queens of May, or Queens on a Stage. If a Woman is Beautiful, let her have some confidence in her Beauty, without the continual addition of borrowed Charms; if she is Ugly, let Modesty restrain her.  
A witty Husband that had one of these Gaudy Wives, used to say, That when he saw her in that Dress, it rather stirred him up to Devotion than Love; because she seemed not to him as a Lady well clothed, but as some religious Image adorned.  
Others are made up of nothing but everlasting Polvilloes, Sweet Powder, Amber, and all manner of Perfume: Smells and they are much alike; Women and Perfumes are all Smoke. Were these Sweets compounded with some grains of Discretion, there is no doubt they would be much more pleasing. I confess, I always loved Neatness in the House and about the Person, but so, that what should be Decency be not turned into Foppery. I remember, I have read and heard of the Emperor Ferdinand II. Father to him now Reigning (if he can be said to Reign,) That he would not lie in a certain Room, because it was Perfumed: If it was an Antipathy, the thing was excusable; if only Fancy, it was very impertinent. Some are of opinion, it proceeded from Zeal; for that Ferdinand believed, Perfumes were only due to God. It is also said of our King Sebastian, That he was not at all fond of Perfumes: I know not how this comes to pass, for having always heard, Things that are Excellent, called Royal, are fit for a King. I thought all good Things were Royal, that is, grateful and acceptable to Kings; but Experience teaches us, this Rule is not infallible; yet it is a certain sign of a good Inclination, to affect all things that are good. I know not whether so much Logic be applicable to women's Perfumes; let it suffice, if the use of them is no Virtue, that at least it is no Vice.  
As to Sweetmeats and Preserves; these things being useful for weak Stomaches, for the Sick, and for Ostentation, they ought to be allowed, yet so, that the Expense made in them be not wanting for more necessary uses. It is very convenient Women be allowed to please themselves with Curiosities of their own making, that they take Pride in the Works of their Hands; for being taken up with those Household Affairs, their Thoughts are well employed, and it is commendable.  
The Furniture and Ornaments of the House, may be also included under this Head; it being an excellent Employment for a Woman, to busy herself about them, and commendable in the Husband to encourage her. These things are serviceable, diverting, creditable, and are a Treasure for the Children; and very often there is more got by them, than by sending Ventures to India; for there is no old rich Tapestry or Turkey Carpet, but is of great Authority, to make the World believe, there are Portions in that House of many Thousands of Crowns.  
Receiving and paying of Visits, is a tiresome Encumbrance. I have before touched this Point, but not to content; much might be said, but all is not fit to be committed to Writing. I cannot forbear telling, what a Man of sense (who had none of the best Wives) said to me; after making many Complaints against his Wife, he concluded with these words; Yet after all, what most troubles me, is, that She is so well beloved. And in truth, too many Friends are very troublesome; for all Friends are not such as they ought to be. What formerly was usual, as giving a Glass of Wine, became a Collation, from a Collation it risen to a Feast, and now I know not what Name to give it. I cannot understand what Friendship there is in ruining one another, destroying their Families with needless Expenses, and tormenting their Husbands with continual begging what cannot and ought not to be granted: if this Profuseness tends to express Love, that Friendship is base which is grounded on Prodigality; if to show Grandeur, that is a needless demonstration among Friends.  
A Gentleman fell Sick with Grief and Concern, to see himself loaded with Debts, through the Excess of his Wives Seedless Expenses; he being in a high Fever, and seeing a Dish of Preserved Citrons which his Wife used to treat with, tho' very dear; the poor Sick Man said, Give me that Citron, for I will eat it all. His Wife begged he would not eat it, because Citron adds Fire to a Fever; and he answered, I know it is the Fire that consumes me; but I would try whether Citron have the same property as a mad Dog, whose Hair applied to the Sore made by his Teeth, is a certain Cure. One of his Servants was no less witty; for being asked by a Gentleman, Whether he might see his Master? He Answered, My Master is not in a condition to be seen, for my Mistress and her Company are eating him for a Collation.  
Let the Husband now and then, give his Wife some wholesome Advice; warn her, neither at home nor abroad, ever to jest upon, or nickname any body; Women so nicknamed, if the sense be good, are proud of it; if bad, will make a return; and Men will complain, or seek to return Thanks. That she make no Reflections on the Actions of others, Whether such a Man has a Kindness, or Courts such a Lady! it looks ill in a Lady, (who ought only to think of herself and Family,) to concern herself with the Thoughts of others. That she neither much praise nor discommend any Man. This so different effect generally in Women, springs from the same Cause. I always drew the same conclusion from women's speaking very ill, or very well of any Man; and the worst is, I was never deceived. Woman's Discourse ought to be about their Work, the Season of the , Complaints of their Maids; and I will allow them to complain of their Husband's Unkindness, even tho' it be false. Because these are narrow Limits, they may be permitted to praise or condemn the Fashion of of their , to like or dislike the Fancy, so they do not extend to interpreting of Colours.  
This in part, is too severe a Restraint to be put upon our English Ladies, and even not fair or honourable, in one Point. The Portuguese Women being confined, and bred in Ignorance, may suit with it; but ours, used to a greater Freedom, and brought up to more Understanding, ought not to be denied the use of that Judgement their Education has given them. Their Discourse must be free with Modesty and Respect to decency, no Reflections on any body, no prying into others Lives, no censuring of Actions, no extolling of particular Men, no railing at their own Sex, not too much of Learning, not over much Godliness; all these things are equally Scandalous and Dangerous. The World is wide enough, to supply them with Matter inoffensive, and all that a Woman understands, and is not against Modesty and good Manners, may as justly be the Subject of her Entertainment, as of the most Learned Man. That Point allowed by our Author, which I mention as not honourable, is the allowance he gives a Wife to complain of her Husband's Unkindness, even tho' she accuse him wrongfully. A Virtuous Wife's Complaints, tho' never so just, ought never to be heard but by her Husband; to him alone she ought to make known her Grievances, with Affection and Submission, and from him alone expect Redress. A Father is not (if possible) to hear such Complaints, much less to have them made the Town-talk, by putting them into the mouth of every impertinent Visitant: But above all, if those Complaints be unjust, how much more unpardonable is the Wife, that exposes the good Name of her Husband, without any Fault committed on his side? Any Discourse is more pardonable, than that which is destructive of the Reputation of our Neighbour; how much worse than must it be, that strikes at the Credit of a Husband?  
I come once more to Female Friends, and cannot but observe, That the name of Friends and Enemies in Portuguese, differs but in one Letter; the one being called Amigas, the other Imigas: I am so wicked to believe, Woman's Friends have done them more harm than their Enemies. Therefore I commonly say, Men are ruined by their Enemies, and Women by their Friends.  
It is proper, reasonable and good, to go to Court, but it must be very seldom, as upon the Birth of Princes, Marriages, Festivals, Sickness of Princes, their Recovery, upon occasion of Happy News, and the like, and not otherwise. It is not so becoming to go alone; let the Company be always good, but not of Persons of greater Quality, (unless the first time,) for their Authority takes off from the Reception every one expects to find in Courts, and all other places: it often happens Women take upon them, pretending to be in favour with Queens and Princesses; this produces much Trouble, and no Profit: and sometimes they make use of this pretence, to cloak all their lose Actions, (as some Servants who stop their Master's mouths, when they have been idling abroad) by saying, They have been at Church. Thus, often good things are made a cloak for the bad. Upon pretence of going to Courr, Women grow idle, and the care of the Family is neglected. It is enough for a Woman of Quality, that the Queen knows her; she will value her the more, for carrying herself with Discretion those few times she sees her: An Express raises the Expectation of all Men; no body takes notice of the common Post. It is dangerous and expensive, for those who are not employed in the Service of Princes, to aim at their Favour. A Courtier compared the Court that is to be made to Ladies and to Kings, to the use of a Lemon and Orange; the Lemon must be squeezed hard, and it yields the better Juice; the other is to be squeezed but lightly, or else it is bitter. Ladies require much Attendance; Kings need only now and then be seen: therefore one wisely said, That Princes and Fire were best at a distance, because, near they Burn, and at a distance give Light.  
Too much preciseness in frequenting the Church, is merely Formality: there is no doubt, it is good and commendable to go to Church at the usual times, and on proper days; but all things that are good, are not convenient at all times. Let the Wife have reason to believe, she may go always; but let Kindness and Courtesy prevail with her, to forbear sometimes.  
A Married Man being asked, Where his Wife went to Church? answered, Wheresoever there is Music. In Spain, I knew an ancient Lady of Quality, Witty and very Virtuous, who when she got into her Coach, and the Coachman asked, Wither he must go? used to Answer, Where there is most People.  
I will not make too bold in this particular, for fear I be judged Profane, as obstructing Devotion; but that is not my design, only the abuse of it is here meant. That haunting of Churches used in Portugal on Festivals, tho' in another nature, is not ill imitated in England. Six of the Clock Morning Prayers and Evening Prayers (in Winter) are the Delight of some Ladies; they had rather go a mile on Sunday, to Covent-Garden Church or White-Hall Chappel, than to their Parish, tho' their House join to it: this is a desire to be seen by Men, not by God; his Presence is equally in every Church, but the Company is not the same. The Husband of such a Wife has cause to consider, Whether of them it is that draws her.  
Well, since I have descended to so many particulars, I will venture a little farther, it will divert so much serious Reflection. I cannot approve of Trimmed Lap-dogs, that have mystical Names: Being in a Church, a Page came running out of Breath, to ask me, If I had seen such a Lady's Delight, that was lost? And, having asked what the Lady's Delight was, found it was a little Dog of that Name. Parrots and and Monkeys are needless Troubles, and often inspire ill Thoughts. Miners by the Grass, and Flowers that grow upon the Earth, know whether there be a Gold-Mine or not: Exterior Signs discover what is within. I begin to be so impertinent, I shall not leave a Bird. What is the use of Singing Birds, that in Summer begin to whistle with the Day, and are said to divert the Thoughts in the Morning? What better Employment for a Woman's Thought, than the Husband that lies by her side. Little diverting Blacks, witty Foundlings, silly Country-Fellows (who sometimes are not so silly as they appear) clothed in several Colours, who have liberty to go where they please, are not fit, nor would I have them be seen in a House: all these things in my opinion, are Prejudicial, and I should be glad they were removed from the Houses of all my Friends. I protest, I ever loathed the Ladies in Romances, because I always found Lap-dogs, Lions and Dwarves, about them: so great is my Aversion from that sort of Vermin, that I cannot bear with them in Fabulous Books; think how I shall like them when real. But it is no reason my particular Fancy should make a general Rule, let this pass as a caution to any Man, that is of the same depraved humour.  
The Spaniards highly commend good Housewives, who love home and mind the Affairs of their Family; they extol them so much because they are scarce, and it is hard to find such a Woman among them. However it is said of Queen Margaret, Mother to Philip the Fourth, that she and her Lady's Embroidered, and Sold their Work, the Profit whereof was given to Nuns. So did the late Queen of Portugal, and her Aunt Queen Catherine, who Enriched Monasteries with their Work, many pieces whereof are yet to be seen.  
Margaret de Valois, who was Queen of France and Navarre, whose Writings I admire, and whom I look upon as the Wisest Woman of this Age, does not cease to express how much she was pleased to see the Countess de Lalain, being at Table with the Queen, open her Bosom to give the Breast to a Child she Suckled herself. The Queen highly extols that deed of the Countess, and says, she never envied any Action in Woman, but that.  
There are certain Women like Idols, who are good for nothing, or are proud to be thought so, think they were Born only to be Worshipped, and will serve for no other use. I am content they should have but one Employment in their Houses, and that is, that a Woman be Mistress of her House, and perform the Duty of that Office, and if she does it well, she has discharged her Duty to her Husband and Family.  
How will it be taken, if I should find fault with the Manly Amazonian Ladies? Were I sure the Courage of Women would be rightly applied, I could bear with it; but that being very dubious, it is better they should shake at the sight of a naked Sword, and fall into a Swoon at Thunder; God ordained they should be timorous, it is best they should be so. It is happy if they do what they are obliged to, let none require more of them.  
Well, I am sure I shall disoblige them all, I am loath to say any thing of their Judgement, or prescribe Rules to that by which all other things are to be Governed; but since I presumed to give Laws to Love, which is a more absolute Power, I will not be afraid to give some to the Understanding; I cannot but admire at a Saying of that so much quoted Bishop of ours D. Affonso, which was, The most knowing Woman, only knows how to lay up a Chest of Linen. Nor can I forget Another who said, The most knowing Woman, knows as much as two Women. I am of a different Opinion, I have seen and conversed with some in Spain and other Parts: Therefore I think it necessary to allay and temper with Discretion, that quickness of Apprehension, and readiness of Wit wherein they surpass us. No bounds can be assigned to their Wit, but to the use of it, there may: As if a Razor of excellent Metal were given a Man, to do some Bloody deed, but the Razor not yet finished, or ground to an Edge; he who kept him from a Stone to grind it upon, would do as much good as if he took the Razor from him. So it is not in our power, to deprive Women of the pure Metal of their Understanding, which Nature has bestowed on them, but we may take from them the Opportunity of sharpening it to their own danger, and our harm. Let us do the best we can. Let not Women meddle or concern themselves with the Affairs and Business of Men, because they have Understanding as well as we, and saying as some do, that the Soul is neither Male nor Female. Yet let the Husband know that this does not exclude a discreet Wife from offering her Sentiments modestly, nor free him from the obligation of ask her Opinion.  
Do not think I recant or contradict what I have said before, you will perceive it by this comparison. Let the Wife be the Hand, and the Husband the Clock, she point, and he strike. The one shows, the other guides; a Clock thus regular is believed by all, and passes for an Oracle. It is not regular only itself, but keeps others in good order. But if once it errs, it misleads every Body.  
How it pleases me to see a Woman Ignorant of those things, she ought not to know; or at least appear so, though inreality she does know them. I look upon it as a great Perfection when they err in those Affairs, which might bring a Reflection upon them, if rightly managed. Let a Woman Understand what is proper for Women, let her Read and Discourse of such things; and let none but such be offered her to Read or Discourse of.  
Since my Hand is in, I will go on with my Proverbs. Travelling one day, I heard a grave Carrier (observe, I have slighted the Philosophers, to quote these Authors) but him I heard say, God deliver me from a Mule that Brays, and a Woman that Speaks Latin. The pleasure I received in hearing this witty Sentence, makes me now remember it; let us not look upon it as contemptible, if profitable: The case is, that Latin of itself does no harm, but the other little Sparks of Learning that attend it, are of dangerous consequence.  
Since (as at first I told you) I am sitting by the Fire, and you hear, I will venture to tell you another Story. An ancient sober Woman went to Confession to an Old surly Friar; she beginning to say the Confiteor in Latin, the Confessor asked her, Do you Speak Latin, she replied, Father I was Bred in a Monastery: Then said the Friar, Are you Married, Maid or Widow, she Answered, A Married Woman? Where is your Husband, says the Friar: In India, says she. Then the Old Man wittily replied; Hold then Child, you understand Latin, were Bred in a Monastery, and your Husband is in India: Then go about your Business, and come some other day, for it is certain you have much to say, and I am in haste at present.  
I would not have Women be too knowing in matters of War and Politics, nor aim at it. I abhor some that will talk of Government, judge of Discourse, decide points of Honour, and raise Disputes. Others that pretend to Skill in Poetry, have a Stammering of strange Languages, define Love and its Effects, Study hard Questions to puzzle the Learned, and talk of unknown places. Others that know all the secret Virtues of Herbs, that tell the signification of colours, that censure Sermons, that pick difficult Sentences out of them, that use cramp Words, that speak by Metaphors, that have unusual ways of praising, and that keep time to their discourse with the motions of Hands and Eyes. Away with all this, it looks Counterfeit, and is not tolerable, either feigned or real. Do not think me censorious, I had rather you should believe me impertinent. But I assure you all I have hinted, is worth observing.  
A Lady desired her Brother who was a Man of Sense, to give her some Motto for a Device she designed to have engraved on a Seal, he answered, Sister, Leave Divices for the Shields of Knights Errand, and do you devise how to make a Tart for your Husband, when you have one.  
Not unlike to this, was the Saying of our late Sovereign, King Charles the Second. A Person of much Note for his Writings, tho' of very little for his Learning, telling the King he had Married a Wife that understood Greek, and Hebrew, His Majesty asked, Can she make a Pudding? And then added, That is Learning enough for your Wife, it is you ought to understand the Languages.  
To Talk always is bad, to Talk loud is worse, and to Talk in improper places worst of all. Some Women value themselves upon answering loud at Church, and will converse with their Acquaintance that are at a distance, on purpose to be heard. To sigh at Sermon, to make motions with the Head in token of Approbation, to Pray aloud, to beat time to the Music, are Actions no way allowable. A discreet Woman must speak as much as is requisite, in reason, with a low Voice, so that the Person she directs her discourse to may hear, and not those who are not concerned. A Judicious Person compared People to Bells, the Ringing discovers whether they are sound, or cracked. I will not go about to show how words discover the Soul; but in short, as we know by the Post that comes from any place what has happened there, so by the words we discover how Affairs stand, with the Brain whence they proceed.  
The Women, I know will look upon me with an ill Eye, since I pretend to regulate their very Motions. One of the most unsufferable things in them, is the use of unbecoming Actions. I know they have not all the same natural Air and Grace, but they may all carry themselves with Gravity and Staidness. There is a damned Word much in fashion, that is Airiness, and in plain English, Airiness is Impudence. I was about saying more, but let this suffice. It is a plain case that Airiness is bad, because Gravity and Staidness is good. No Toleration of this kind is to be given a Woman; it being absolutely as becoming for a Woman to preserve a Decorum in these exterior Actions, as for a stately Building to have a Noble Front to set it off.  
What shall I say of Laughter? If a Woman has white Teeth, a pretty Mouth, and Dimples in her Cheeks, therein lies the greatest danger. Some of these sort of Creatures will Laugh all the while at a Funeral Sermon, only to expose their Treasure. It is infallibly true, that much Laughter betokens folly. Far be it from me, that I should persuade a Woman to be always Melancholy, this only serves to show her Life is uneasy. Let her be merry, and laugh at home at her Table, with her Husband, Children and Friends; when she goes abroad, let her leave her Laughter at home, as the Serpent that casts up its Venom before it drinks, and after drinking swallows it again: When she comes home, let her resume her Mirth.  
I have yet some scruple of Conscience about their Reading: the best Book for them is their Needle, and their Work; yet would I not wholly debar them Reading: I do not like them that will always be reading Plays, that learn Parts, and love to repeat them. Others are mad for Novels, and some for Plays. The affection to these things, is more dangerous than the use of them. I do not deny, but this Diversion may be allowed them, but least to those who are most fond of it; for they seem rather to affect the Parity of Thought, than the Novelty of Story: I would have no body delight in any thing, but what is lawfully pleasing.  
I will tell you a Passage I can never forget: travelling in Spain, I came into a Lodging cold, and covered with Snow, and could never prevail with the Landlady, or either of her two Daughters, to show me a Room; the more I pressed, the more they assured me, none of them would stir till they heard out a Novel that was very pleasing to them. They valued not that I threatened to go to another Inn, but rather invited me to sit with them, and hear the pretty Courtship that was between Amoretta and Phillis, for that was the subject of the Novel. In fine, I went to another Inn, and coming back that way soon after, I enquired after the Mother and two Daughters, that were so taken up with the Novel, and was told, That within a few days, each of the Young ones had furnished Matter for another Novel, having run away from the Town with two young Fellows, approving themselves good Scholars of their so much admired Learning.  
Well, we are come to Sanctimony, or rather Bigotry. I have tired you, and would fain run over this matter, but fear I cannot: It is a matter of greatest moment; strive, tho' it be against the grain, to give attention, and I will endeavour to speak with much circumspection.  
We have seen many Persons of Note, and well inclined, under the specious pretence of Virtue, led away to a disorderly course of Life. The Devil sometimes deals with us, as a Man that looks for another, who if he sees him coming towards him, stays there till he comes; but if he sees him go another way, than he puts on faster, till he over-takes him. The Devil for the most part, does not go on to meet ill Livers, because he knows they are coming towards him; but it is, after them who live well, that he drives on with all possible speed.  
Reformation of Manners is a good and holy thing; but it has certain limits, in respect to Married Women: they must not apply themselves to Pious Exercises, so as to neglect the Duties of their Family; God has so ordained it, that every one may be saved, by performing what is incumbent on them with respect to their condition. There are a sort of Men and Women in the World, who profess themselves Masters of Virtue, whereas in reality they are not so much as Learners. These often wind themselves into esteem of Pious Ladies, and Persons of Quality, without any consideration, and guide them as blindly as they do themselves, and as Experience has shown us by dismal Examples.  
The different Customs of Countries, and even the difference of Religion, are the Cause our Author here has made some Reflection, and given such Counsels, as are not at all suitable to us; they will not be well understood by such as have not been abroad, and tho' they were, yet will they prove of no use here: I have therefore thought good to omit them, and substitute some parallel Observations more agreeable to the constitution of the Religious Bigotry in practice among us. It is a commendable and ever approved custom of Ladies that aspire to Perfection in Virtue, to give themselves up to the direction of some Spiritual Guide: This I say, is commendable, when a Woman casts herself upon such a Director, as by the general approbation is allowed of sufficient Learning and tried Virtue. But, how rare are those to be found? There is nothing so pernicious, as when a Woman led by a blind Zeal, commits the care of her Soul to those Pharisaical Hypocrites, whose Godliness only consists in violent Railing, in rolling their Eyes, in the motions of their Heads and Hands, and to be plain, in diligently concealing their dear Enormities, so much practised by themselves, and so much inveighed against in others. I will not speak of those Ladies, who like these blind Guides, and with their assistance make Sanctity the Cloak to cover their Lewdness. There are few Men who know any thing of Intrigue (and there are very few that do not) but are themselves Judges, how frequent that Practice is. It is not these sort of Creatures we have in hand; these are past Cure: there is no hope of reclaiming them; Interest is their God, Pleasure their Paradise; they are the most obstinate sort of Pagans; for possessing at present their Deity and their Reward, they will never be persuaded to leave them, for a God and a Heaven to be possessed hereafter. When a Husband perceives his Wife, whose Inclinations are Virtuous, and who aims at true Piety, fall ignorantly into the hands of one of those Hypocrites, and suffer herself to be led by him; it is then high time to look about him. The least Delays are of dangerous consequence, an immediate Cure must be applied; he must cut off that Conversation, before it take Root; she must be held back, before she is quite lost. Where the Devil finds a hot, but indiscreet Zeal, he blows it into a Flame, till it consume itself. The Bellows he makes use of, are those Canting false Prophets, who pretending to the Word of God, have no other Sound but the Voice of Hell. These are the Idols some Women adore, to them they make their Offerings; and, if not prevented, to them they fall down; them (at first) they make the Keepers of their Wealth, and (at last) of their Honour. These are the Thiefs who rob Families insensibly, of their Wealth; the Enemies, who sow the Tares of Sedition between Married People, while they sleep, and the false Lights that misguide frail Virtue, till it tumbles headlong into the Precipice of Vice. As these Vipers are to be excluded the House, so must a Woman wholly be debarred frequenting their Sermons, hearing their Doctrine, or being seen in their Congregations: It is enough, she be allowed her Parish, or those Churches where most Decency is observed; that she frequent them on the proper Days, at most seasonable Hours; that she go with modest Company; that at other times, she pray in her Closet: Let her not go through the Church, as if she were at a Play; not go to see, and endeavour to be seen; not take much Greatness upon her, since in the sight of God, the meanest is as acceptable as the greatest; not Pray aloud; not crowd to be the first out, nor stay the last. Some Men indiscreetly fly from one Extreme into another; because there is danger in Hypocrisy, they hate all that looks like Devotion; because there are Pharisees, they can endure no Churchmen. If one enters the House, some leave them with their Wives, pretend Business, and fly their Company: others indeed, will stay, but grow uneasy, afford not a pleasing Look, nor obliging Word. Honour should oblige them to stay, good Manners to be civil. Churchmen are to be treated with respect; it is better not admit, than once admitted, not to show them a good Countenance. To speak the truth, I am much of the opinion of one that used to say, He had a great respect for Churchmen; therefore, if they were bad, he would not encourage them to be worse; and if good, would not give them an opportunity of being bad in his House. Another more nicely said, They were only good in four places, at the Altar, in the Pulpit, and in the Confession-Seat; and being asked a fourth, Answered, a Picture.  
A Wife ought always to be Dressed neat and decently, in the House; her Servants should never see her in any unbecoming Garb. As she is obliged to endeavour to please none in the World but her Husband, so she should always appear to him, as if all the World saw her.  
There is no necessity, a Woman should always be set out in the House, in all the Formalities of a strict Dress; conveniency and ease, has found out what is called Undresses, as Decent, as Becoming, and as Modest. Some are no sooner Married, but they grow careless, either through Affectation, or natural Laziness: They all use the same Plea, to wit, That they are Married. The same Arts they used to gain a Husband, the same they ought to use, to preserve him. Yet Women would all appear like Angels abroad, and value not (many of them) how like Devils they look at home. They will be seen Gay and Glorious by those they pretend, not to regard, and be always Discomposed and Loathsome in the Eyes of him they ought alone to oblige. Nor does it end here; they will receive Visits, and expose themselves in that unseemly manner to the Eyes of their Friends, or those who only pretend to be so. This is a contempt of the Person received, and a great lessening of her that receives the Visit. To appear in a disagreeable Garb to the Husband, breeds Distaste; to be seen so by Strangers, produceth Contempt. To this purpose, a Courtier being invited by a Friend, and ill treated, ingeniously said to him, I thought we had not been such intimate Friends.  
Some Men there are, who proud of their Wives Ablilities, or Beauty, make them the common Subject of their Discourse, and take all opportunities to show Them, and their Perfections. This looks as if they exposed them to Sale, and is exposing their Virtue to be tried; for the more Beautiful, the more Charming a Woman is, the more others (as well as the Husband) will affect her; and the more he makes her Public, the less worthy of her, will she and they believe him. I do not pretend, he should not be free and easy with his Friends, that he should not Entertain them in his own, and be Entertained in their Houses, that he should hid his Wife, and be afraid of every body that sees her: either Excess is equally bad; his House must neither be a Goal to her, nor a Public Place of Entertainment for all the World; it is fit, she grace his Table, when he invites his Friends and familiar Acquaintance, not that she be made the Discourse of his wild and extravagant Companions. It is the Duty of the Wife, to see all things be in good order, that nothing be wanting; to be pleased and easy with her Husband's Guests, and to know (without being bid) to withdraw, if requisite, and when to stay, if convenient. Her Behaviour will produce respect, if good; and all that see it, will look upon her as we do upon things Holy at a distance, without presuming to approach.  
I cannot forbear speaking one word of a certain sort of Matrons, who right or wrong, will wear the Breeches, and be absolute within doors: these ground their Pretensions to that usurped Power, on being very Virtuous, very Wise, or of very great Birth; and sometimes, when the Husbands are Mild, good Natured, or Lose Livers, they compass it without alleging any of those Titles. If once the Husband discovers any such Design in his Wife, let him look narrowly to her; for, if once she gets the upper hand of him, she will never give over till he entirely becomes her Slave. I knew one, who finding his Wife upon these Terms, said to her, Madam, I will carry you home to your Father, and then will take a course at Law with him, to recover my Wife: and she ask of him, Why he said so? he answered, Because you are not my Wife, but my Husband. An ingenious and pleasant Married-man, used to tell me, It was impossible but Women would command their Husbands; but that all a good Man could do, was to endeavour, it should be as late as possible. For my part, I can no way allow, it should ever come to pass; no Man of sense, will allow of it; and no Woman that loves her Husband, desires it.  
I have not yet spoke of the Management of Household Affairs, and they require much circumspection. The House itself, I would have compact; I do not approve of wild Rambling Buildings, full of Doors, By Stairs, and private Passages. The Palaces of Kings and Princes, are surrounded with Guards and Porters, which prevent all Inconveniences might happen, like Spikes set upon a low Wall. The Houses of Men of Quality, which cannot be so well secured, require some old and trusty Servants, whom their Master should appoint, to be watchful and vigilant Overseers, of the good Order and Decency observed in the Family. But the Husband is not wholly to rely upon them; for as in War, we think it not enough to post Sentinels, unless we keep continual Rounds upon them, to keep them Waking, and see they perform their Duty; so the Master of a Family, must perpetually have an Eye over those whom he has entrusted with the care of his Reputation.  
I would have no Black or Tawny Women that go on Errands; they generally prove Fruitful, and in my opinion, every slip of Theirs is a Scandal to the House; for it is a shame, such infamous Practices should be allowed, in the face of a Lady and her Maids. Little Black and Mullatto Boys, are Devils incarnate, naturally Buffoons, and of a mischievous Wit; they are pampered by the Maids; and for Apples and Pears, manage their Intrigues. Gipsies, Sanctify'd Women, such as carry about Small-wares, and some that sell things for less than they are worth, are all pernicious . Dumb Women are Vipers Laundresses, women that carry Nosegays; others, that either Buy or Sell, grow familiar with the Maids, and persuade them, they cannot live without them; as also Fortune-tellers and Mountebanks, are not fit to be conversed with. Jesters, especially those who belong to Princes, grow impudent upon the least encouragement. Men that practise 'Slight of Hand, those who mimic Sermons, imitate Beasts, and act other Men, are a destructive Generation: but above all, those Women are so who sell Washes for the Face, take away Freckles, make false Eyebrows, and smooth the Skin; those who go about Begging for others, and Pedlars. All this sort of People, that usually resort to great Houses, stick like Fish to the Rocks; they are hard to remove, but worse to be endured. There must be Force used as well Industry, to expel them; for all this sort of Vermin only studies how to Cheat, to Get, to Steal, to Lie, to tell News, and very often to bring and carry very scandalous Messages, that redound to the Discredit of those Houses that entertain them; from which, God deliver all good People.  
A Man of considerable Quality had a sick Daughter, whom he kept very strictly: She had a Gallant, who used to write to her; the Letter was rolled up, and a Nosegay made upon it. A Hypocrite, under the habit of a Hermit, used to talk to her Father, and present him with the Nosegay, as brought from the Altar of some Saint: He was pleased, and carried it to his Daughter, and under those Flowers, administered the Poison he ought to keep from her, and might be said, to play the part of her Procurer. Who would have thought, such Villainy could lie hid under such fair Appearances, as Sanctity and Flowers! This made good the words of the Poet, Latet Anguis in Herba; The Snake lies hid in the Grass.  
Some Men, and those of no small Note, will employ their Wives to solicit their Business, knowing they are often more successful than Men. I think, there are but few Cases, wherein it is lawful for a Man to take his Pleasure, and send his Wife to speak and solicit for him. If the Husband be in Prison, the Honour of the Family at stake; if his good Name be in danger, his Employment depend upon it; if it be to get leave for him to come home, when absent, or to secure the Life of a Son; in these Cases, and no other, it is fit for a Woman to appear in Business, and even then it is dangerous, and does not always answer Expectation.  
A certain great Minister used to give Audience to Ladies, without his House, in a place so retired, it was suspicious. Two Men of Quality carried their Wives thither, to solicit their Business, and putting them in, withdrew; others took notice of it, and one of them said, Indeed, it was not well done of those Gentlemen to withdraw, for their Presence credited their Business: another Answered, That is a Jest, those Gentlemen do not desire to credit, but to do their Business. It was an excellent Saying of the Count de Vimioso, That he who loses his Honour to do his Business, loses both Honour and Business. Let no Man of Sense and Honour, endeavour to advance himself with such Danger. What can he expect to gain at last, whose very Beginnings are built upon Losses! Prudent Merchants insure their Goods of most Value. A Virtuous Woman must be like that Saint, who never appears but in great Storms, and then it is to bring help. Let her be ready to assist in the Misfortunes of her House, and to ease the Troubles of her Husband and Children: Let her endeavour to deliver him and them from Disasters: Let her be their Voice, not their Solicitor. She may strive to help out in cases of Necessity, not to carry on an Interest.  
Married Women are pleased and obliged, when their Husbands tell them what they know, what they hear, and what News there are about the Town. To be too reserved, is the way for a Man to be hated; to be too open, an infallible way to be despised. A Man must choose a Medium between both those Extremes, so that his Wife may not think he slights her, nor he give occasion to be undervalved by her. Our Women have a Saying, That he who loves me, tells me what he knows, and gives me what he has. A discreet Man will never tell his Wife the Stories of his Youthful Amours and Intrigues: for they produce two ill Effects; the one, that they discover their own Frailties, the other, that they show them how easily some Women are drawn in. He must by no means, ever entertain them with the Failings of other Women; but, if things happen to be mentioned that are so notorious, they cannot be denied, he may excuse them, or evade the Discourse. Let him always mention those Things with horror, and lay all the blame of such Miscarriages upon the Husband, ever excusing the Wife. This will denote, that a good Husband will not fail of a good Wife, as it commonly happens; and that he being such, expects the like return from her.  
We often see Married Women of untainted Reputation, keep company, and be familiar with some, whose Credit is either quite lost, or runs very low. Much Prudence is requisite in this case; but the safest course, is wholly to avoid them. Honour is like a Looking-glass, any Stroke breaks it, and the least Breath clouds it. Perhaps, some are the more free to converse with such Women, relying upon their own unspotted Fame. But the ignorant Vulgar, either cannot, or will not distinguish between Good and Evil: For the most part, he who Shoots, hits not exactly the Mark, but near it; so Censorious Tongues being about to speak ill of any Person, hit not at first upon the right, and perhaps defame those who are next to them. I have always recourse to the most natural and easy Comparisons; and am therefore surprised in this case, when I consider, that one only drop of Ink falling into a Bottle of fair Water, is enough to discolour it all, and that a Hogshead of fair Water is not sufficient to make a small Vial of Ink clear. This is the case between a good and bad Reputation; the best can never wipe off the Stains of the bad, and the bad always sullies that which is never so good. We find, Health is not catching as Diseases are; therefore it was well said, That Good is not like the Itch, but Evil perhaps may be so. The discreet Management of the Husband, must draw a Woman from such Company. A Friend of mine behaved himself singularly well in this Case: He always pressed his Wife to Visit, go Abroad, and keep Company with such and such Ladies, of whose Integrity and Good Name he was fully satisfied; and by this means continually hindered her from Visiting, going Abroad, and keeping Company with others, of whom he did not so well approve.  
Among the many ill Customs, Liberty has introduced in England, none has prevailed more than this, which is one of the worst that is, for Virtuous Women to keep company with such as are Lewd, or have the Reputation of being such. I am of Opinion the Ladies of the first Quality, are the first who gave way to this Abuse, making themselves familiar with the Mistresses of Kings, and as the inferior Ranks strive to mimic all their Actions, so they could not forbear imitation even in this, and it is thereby descended to all Degrees. There is now little or no distinction between the Wife and the Miss, they all herd together, and they having made this Equality between themselves, no wonder if Men make no great difference in the respect they pay to both. The greatest Ladies are Guilty of the greatest Crime, they not only Committed the fault, but gave the Example. The others are equally Guilty in the practice, though not so Criminal in the scandal. Strange, that those who should be the Patterns of Honour and Virtue, have so much degenerated as to Countenance Infamy and Vice, by associating themselves with the Professors of it; as if the Bed of a King sanctified Lewdness, or the Title of Duchess and Countess, would wipe away the Name of a Prostitute. This has encouraged Men to keep, and Women to be kept by them in the face of the World, the difference of respect being now so little, or rather none between a Wife, and a Wench. The effect of this Conversation is obvious enough; what else is it has Debauched so many Women well born, and what is it else that has made the Credit of most Women so dubious? If you handle Pitch something will stick, if you keep ill Company, you will get some ill haunt. Every one is to be known by this Company, if a Man is always among Thiefs, he must expect to be thought one of them, if a Woman among W—res, she cannot avoid the Imputation. The Married Woman that values her Honour, that loves Virtue, and desires to promote the Peace of her Family, will abhor such Company, and fly such Conversations. A prudent Husband, if he find his Wife the least inclined to it, will dissuade, will divert, and when other means fail, must make use of his power, and Authority, to draw her from it.  
Most Wives look upon it as unkind or uncivil, in the Husband to extol the Beauty, Air, Shape, or good Parts of other Women; yet it may be tolerable, if it goes not too far. In this particular a Man may take his Measures from the Humour, Age, Beauty and good Qualities of his Wife; for they who have a Stock of their own, are better pleased to hear the perfections of others spoke of.  
A Man of Quality discoursing with his Wife (whose Ingenuity and Wit far exceeded his) highly commended the Beauty and good Parts of another Woman. The Wife bore with it as long as she could, but finding him still proceed, she said, To be Revenged for your so much extolling that Lady, I could only wish you were Married to her, that you might slight her, and to see how she would behave herself, when you should praise me as you do her.  
This does not hinder a Man from being complaisant and civil among the Ladies, when there is occasion for it, for all Men of Honour are obliged to it; and Matrimony does not debar us, that Liberty which is commendable, and decent, so it exceed not the bounds of courtesy and good Manners.  
The King and Queen of Spain being about to Ride out, the Queen looking out of the Window, saw the King's Horse pass along by her Mare without taking any notice of her. The Queen called out to the Master of the Horse, and Commanded him immediately to cut off that Horse's Legs, for she was resolved the King should never Mount him again. The Master of the Horse asked, what he should say to the King, for so doing, she replied, Tell him it was because he passed by so Beautiful a Mare as mine without Neighing, and a Horse that has so little Mettle, is good for nothing.  
This Liberty is not common to the Woman as well as the Husband, whose privilege is much less in this case, and yet no wrong done her; as the Franchises of one Town may be much larger than those of another, and yet this latter may have no just cause of complaint. Let not a Wife presume to praise another Man, either in the presence or absence of her Husband, unless it be in things indifferent, and which are not essential to the perfection of Man.  
There can be nothing more unseemly, than to see Women set up for Judges of the Shape, Behaviour and Parts of all the Men they see. Some there are will so nicely delineate, and so curiously describe every Fop, one would think they spent their Life in the Study of Man. Others praise with such eagerness and concern, they give more occasion to suspect they are moved by Affection, than the bare consideration of Merit. Neither becomes a Wife, who ought to study and admire none but her Husband, all the rest of Mankind ought to pass as if unseen, or seen so as not to be regarded.  
A Young Married Man is allowed to be Gay, and use all the Ornaments of apparel that are becoming. Wedlock is the high State he aimed at, and all things being more perfect in their highest Elevation, than whilst they ascended or decline, all things that conduce to his accomplishment, are good and Lawful in a Married Man. Costly Apparel, and all exterior Ornaments were designed for Husbands and Lovers; for it is to be supposed all the Curiosity of Dress tends to please the Wife, or the Mistress; on which account it is much more commendable, than if it were designed only to content and satisfy himself. Custom has made a great alteration in these Affairs amongst us, and in truth if it be not for the better, I think at least it is not for the worst. Our Forefathers used to say; A Man should smell of Gunpowder, and a Woman of Frankincense. Hereby signifying, the former should be employed in Warfare, and the latter in the Church. It is not long since a great Lady not a little conceited, used to censure a Courtier for using Perfumes, and he hearing of it, sent her word, That if her Ladyship could once bring herself to smell of Frankincense, he would soon prevail with himself to smell of Gunpowder.  
The neatness of Rooms, Curiosity of Apparel, and suchlike things Condemned by the Ancients, are now become practicable, and are not vicious in the use, but the abuse. There is difference between foppishness and neatness. And that we may not be wholly disgusted with the modern Customs, nor those who affect to be Rigid, pretend to Confound us with the purity of the Ancients; who would believe, that in the Reign of King Sebastian, when Men to flatter the Extravagant fiery Temper of the King, would be thought to be made of Iron, it was the fashion for Young Noble Men, to lean upon their Pages when they walked, as now a days the Ladies do; and that ill Custom so far prevailed, that when they Played at Tennis, they would not change their Stations as is usual without the help of those Pages. They protracted their Words, and all in general minced them, and talked effeminately. This shows, it is not the Age that makes Customs better or worse, but the Quality; nor is it reasonable to despise what now is, only to magnify what was.  
There are a conceited sort of Men, who never give over Railing at our present Fashions, not that they mislike them, but to be thought Wiser than all the World. Nothing will down with them, but former Ages; and this is only a mistaken Affectation, to be thought well-read; whereas in reality, nothing more expresses their Ignorance. I cannot believe, the World was ever better or wiser than it is; for, if we consult History, we shall find no Age, but abounded in Wickedness and Folly as much as ours can do; and, if we read the ancientest of Poets, we shall find nothing they exercise their Wits in more than satire, in exposing and railing at the Vices of their Times. Even as it was then, so it is now; none more vicious than those Poets, who so much exclaimed against Vice; none more depraved, than those who now revile the present Age. And to show the Fashions then, were no more commendable or decent, than what we now use; let but every one reflect, What could be more ridiculous or inconvenient, than a Steeple Crown-Hat, a Starched Ruff, Slashed Sleeves, a little Doublet, great wide kneeed Breeches, like a pair of Petticoats, an inseparable short Cloak, and eternal Boots? How incomparably more decent and convenient, is the Garb now in use? a Hat that has nothing superfluous, a careless easy Cravat, a Coat fit to the Body, Breeches shaped to the Thighs, and Shoes proper for the Season. How much better is a Woman's High-head, than a little Coif; her Hair in a small Curl, or quite Plain, than long dangling Locks; a a Gown shaped to the Body upon Stays, than a stiffened Jerkin; the Sleeves to cover the Arms, than tacked upon the Shoulders; their Coats easy about them, than stuck out upon a Queen Elizabeth Fardingal? Yet after all, it is Custom that makes all things appear well or ill; those Fashions pleased our Forefathers, and we are delighted with these.  
I look upon it as very improper, for a Man to be always Undressed in the House; if it were not troublesome, I would advise, to wear the same Garb at Home as Abroad. A Man dressed, appears more Awful and Majestic. This is plain; for that Great Men do not receive Visits, or expose themselves to be publicly seen in a careless Habit; but at such times, only admit Servants, or particular Persons, of whose respect they are sufficiently satisfied.  
To Fondle and Dally with ones Wife at Table, before Servants, (much used by many Men) is very indecent, a lessening of the Gravity and Stayedness of the Husband, and contrary to the Modesty of the Wife. In this case, if the Man wants Discretion to refrain, the Woman ought to have the Prudence to obstruct it.  
The same Practice towards Children, is much to be condemned. I saw once a great General beset with many Officers of Note that attended him, break through them all, and run to meet and kiss a little Son that was coming to him; all the Spectators gazing and admiring, that a Person so considerable, should have so little command of himself: I declare, had it been in my power, I would instantly have broke him; for it is not so great a demonstration of Courage and Resolution, to suppress the Sallies of Hatred; as it is to Conquer the irregular motions of Love. Father's will say, They are the best Judges in this case; for those who are not such, cannot so well limit the force of their Love. They may say what they please, but I shall never recant what I have said. All the World is satisfied, that a Looker on, sees more than he that Plays. Since we have spoke of Children, let us go through with it at once. It is as reasonable to wish for, as to deserve them. This Desire must not be so extravagant, as to discompose, or oblige a Man to any Excess. Young Married People may always hope with Assurance. Since we have made use of Proverbs, that Old Saying will save us from trouble, and is not unfit for this purpose, that We must not lie in the Ditch, and cry God help us: We must pray to God, and at the same time use human Means. God deliver you from Medicines, Baths, extravagant Devotions, fruitfulness by Sanctified Touch or Blessing of Hypocrites, strange Mountebanks, Chemical Preparations, newfound Potions and unknown Plasters. All that is required, is to be much a Man, and more a good Christian; to resign one's self to the Will of God, be pleased with what he sends, which is always more for our Interest than what we desire.  
When you have Children, never tell of their pretty Actions, or seem overjoyed at their Wit; that only serves to make them Rude, and is no Credit to the Father. Mother's would have the Fathers take them in their Arms, and Play with them; if ever you happen to commit this Weakness, let it be very private, that none see it, no more than you would be seen Stealing, or committing any other Crime. It does not belong to a Man, to make himself his Child's Nurse, or Cradle. It is very preposterous to make Grimaces, and speak to them in their own imperfect Language: it suffices to see, love and take care of their Education. All other Fondness belongs to the Mothers, who are not at all to be imitated in those Actions, nor that Care and Employment usurped by the Father.  
I just now remember a Passage which shall not be omitted, ' tho perhaps it may not be thought much to the purpose: A great Minister (who was much Courted) had a little Son, that used to come into the Room, where he heard all Men of Business; among the rest, there was one very Ancient, of great Quality, and who had Affairs of great importance in hand; he used to Converse very much with the Child; and the Spirit of Dissimulation and Flattery had so far taken possession of him, that he did many absurd things; and another, who had Business there, and saw it, said of him, Indeed, it is strange, that Interest should make such a one less among another Man's Children, than Love makes us among our own.  
Take what follows for a Jest, or for Advice, which you please: When God gives you any Daughters, let every one have but one usual and easy Name, according to your Fancy or Devotion. I look upon the Custom of giving a whole Catalogue of Names, and many hard and extravagant ones at last, to be very impertinent: Women are much addicted to this new sort of soppish affected Grandeur; and sometimes it happens, that she who was Christened, and always known to be plain Mary or Frances, heaps upon herself a dozen other hard Names, that are enough to puzzle an University; and this they do, only because they heard such and such Ladies so called.  
This Tale is not unpleasant: In a Neighbouring Village, the Daughter of a Yeoman was carried to be Baptised; he understanding a Noble Man's Child had not long before, received Three Names there in Baptism; this Grandeur being cheap, he resolved to strain the Point yet farther, and ordered his Daughter should have Four Names. The Curate having heard them, said to the Godfathers, Gentlemen, choose one of all these Names, for I have a weak Memory; or else, I vow, I will Baptise her without any Name, or send her home as she came, till ye there agree what Name to fix upon.  
I had like to have omitted one particular, that deserves to be considered, and which ought not to be passed in silence, since I handle so many small Affairs: Men very often are guilty of one Extreme or other, when their Wives are in Labour; some are as diligent and busy as the Midwife, others fly, and think they can never be far enough from them. An arch Youth, who was of the latter Humour, used to say, That if he Married, it should be in July. And being asked, Why? Answered, Because, if I prove so unlucky as to have my Wife Lye-In, it may fall out in March, and then I may find Shipping for India, whither I will choose to go, rather than see her in that condition. The love a Man bears his Wife, may be the best Counsellor upon this occasion, and this natural Inclination will guide him. I blame not those who at that time would wish, they could be every thing for to be assisting; I condemn those that will be nothing: it is improper to go abroad, because there are many Accidents wherein a Man's Presence is required; it is enough for every Man to be in his Chamber, and there with an equal constancy, receive the Joyful or Dismal News. The Saying of a Spanish Nobleman, will be some Diversion amidst this serious Discourse; He was a General, and one of his Captains sent him a Letter, begging leave to go home, to be present at the Birth of a Child: The General writ this Answer; I would be glad to be at home when I had a Child, but to be present at the Birth, signifies nothing.  
The Corruption of the World, which daily increases, has introduced choosing of lusty Country-women for Nurses, instead of Virtuous and well Qualifyed Women, as was formerly used. We first descended from Mothers to Nurses, and are now come from good Nurses to bad ones; but, it is the Fashion, so let it pass. Yet, it seems to be contrary to the Duty of the Mother; for as a Wise Man observed, She maintains us nine Months in her Bowels, before she sees or knows us; then, why when she sees and knows us, does she cast us off, and find another to maintain us? I could wish to see the Children of my Friends suck good Milk, not only in relation to the Soundness of the Nurse's Body, but to the good Disposition of her Soul.  
I have not hitherto in any Point, opposed the Opinion of my Author; not because it was infringing the Rules of a Translation, but because his Counsels have been good, and not to be objected against with Reason. I must incur the Censure of some precise admirers of Antiquated Custom, but I hope the Ladies will be of my side. I have already Spoke as to the regard due to Antiquity, when Experience has taught us better, and more convenient Customs than our Forefathers left us. It is to me preposterous, that a Man can pretend to Love his Wife, or indeed to have any regard for his own satisfaction, and oblige the Mother to Nurse it. can a Man make a Slave of her he Loves? Can he be pleased, she should not have a quiet Night? Can he be satisfied to see her want an Hour of Rest in the Day? There is nothing more vain, than to think a Child is the less beloved for being Bred abroad, the Eyes of the Parents may be upon it, and nothing will be wanting. But supposing a Man to have so little regard of his Wife, yet still sure in respect to his own quiet and satisfaction, he would never endure all the impertinencies that attend the Breeding of Infants. Milk is the Nourishment of the Body and not of the Soul, therefore, provided a Nurse be Sound and Healthy, I cannot conceive what danger there can be in the Breast. I shall as soon believe it may alter the shape, as the inclinations of a Child. As for the Wise Parallel between Nourishing the Child in the Womb, and Suckling it after it is Born, it is not at all pertinent; for no Argument can be drawn to prove, that because a Woman endures the Pain that Nature has indispensably laid upon her during that time, she must entail Misery on herself for ever; and doubtless there is none, even the fondest of Mothers, who if it were possible at any rate to transfer the sufferings of Childbearing to another, would not think the purchase cheap, though at never so great a Price.  
To prescribe Rules for the Education of Children, is a matter of too large Extent, and a Subject deserving a particular Treatise, the business in hand, is only to give some Instructions for a Married Life, towards making it the more easy and pleasing.  
This is a proper place to speak of Bastard Children, a very needless, and often troublesome sort of Creatures to Married People; but when they are had, they must be taken care for, and cannot be Sold to the Plantations. Therefore something must be said in Relation to them. Natural Children gotten out of Wedlock deserve to be Cherished, as long as there are none Lawfully begotten. There have been so many Famous Men in the World of that sort, that I would not have them slighted too soon. I think a few words will serve to Direct and Instruct the Fathers, the greatest difficulty is what advice to give to the Wives of such Fathers. Such there are, so generous, they entertain, and cherish with Kindness their Husband's Children, others cannot endure, but abuse and persecute them. Margaret de Valois, Queen of France (before mentioned) behaved herself with notable Gallantry in this case. She was in Bed with Henry the Fourth, Surnamed the Great, who was very false to her, and perceived he was much concerned, because word was privately brought him, that Madomoiselle de Foseuse one of her Ladies, and the King's Mistress, was in Labour within the same Palace. The Queen Dressed herself, and went to the Labour of that Servant who served her so ill, she saw her well attended, and took care to save her Reputation, Commanding all those that had assisted her, upon Pain of her displeasure, not to Divulge what had happened. If all Women would follow this Example, they might well be entrusted with those Children, commonly called Byblows: but considering there are few such, the best way is to Breed them not only out of the House, but out of the Town where they Live. These Children are never to be cast off, or totally abandoned, for though unfortunate in their Birth, they retain the Name of the Family, and very often through Want fall into many Misfortunes, which redound to the Discredit, and Burden the Conscience of the Father. The Church and the Sea are the common Receptacles of this sort of People: It will be Prudent to Breed them up to one of them.  
This is a proper place to put you in Mind of Correcting a lose and disorderly course of Life, which the more a Man-followed before Wedlock, the more he ought to shun after. When a Prisoner happens to break Goal and make his Escape, though he be at never so great a distance, he thinks not himself safe as long as any part of his Chains is remaining about him. Fly the very thoughts of all past Vices as you would the Plague, cast off all the Youthful Wild Delights, and do not offer so much as to look back towards them, not even to see how far they are from you. It was an excellent Fiction of the Poets, that Orpheus, when he went to Hell was in no danger there, till being come out again, he looked back. That is really the most deplorable Estate, when a Man after leaving a wicked course, falls back into it again.  
Many Men (I know not with what Confidence of themselves) entertain Familiar and Expensive Friendship with Modest Ladies, and believe they no way wrong their Wives. But the Consequences are often very bad; for most Married Women are at first offended with the extravagant Expenses, and Disorders of their Husbands, and by degrees fall into perfect Jealousy. Nor can they be blamed, for it is no less wrong in a Husband to be defective in the tenderness, and affection he owes to his Wife, than in any part of that which is most generally and properly called the Matrimonial Debt; but the Injury will be so much the greater, when offered to one who places all her satisfaction in the Kindness and Love of her Husband.  
I will not so slightly run over the Word Jealousy, which is a Hell upon Earth, whether a Man be infected with it himself, or infect his Wife. It is the greatest of Plagues among Men, it takes away all quiet of Mind, and most cruelly Torments those it is once possessed of. It has been, and is still much disputed, whether is the greater Torment for a Man to be Jealous, or give occasion to his Wife to be so. I will not decide it, but abhor either. Many there are, who make no account of administering cause of Jealousy, but are highly concerned at the least Shadow offered them. This is a notorious Oversight, for generally the cause given is grounded upon strong Surmises, though so little respected, and that which a Man takes to himself, and so highly resents, is raised only by Imagination; and Women being more revengeful than frail, it often happens their revenge has more fatal consequences than their frailty could have. It was ingeniously said by me, That Jealousy is like God; for it makes something of nothing. This is its property, and therefore aught to be banished the Houses of all Wise Men, and good Christians. The Torment Men and Women endure by this cursed Imagination is incredible, and therefore with good reason it has been called a Viper which kills them, that bring it forth. I advise all Married Men to shun this Plague; and that they do not give occasion to kindle that Flame in those they love or aught to love, which they so much, and so justly dread in themselves. An Ingenious Man used to say, That when a Man once gave his Wife to understand he was Jealous of her, he was gone half way towards making her give him an occasion to be so: Alluding to that Saying, that Setting our is as good as half the Journey performed. As the Law has not assigned Punishments in some Cases that may happen between Married People, believing they would never be practised; so a Man must never entertain a● Jealous Thought, as not believing there can be any occasion for it. I must distinguish between Prudence and Jealousy, Prudence prevents, removes and cuts off all occasions of suspicion. Jealousy does nothing of this nature, but on the contrary, a Man must be cautious and Prudent to avoid being Jealous. I will explain myself by a Comparison. A Prudent Man is like the Commander of a Fort, who continually by Day and Night has his Spies abroad to observe all Enemies, though he know of none, that if any should arise, he may not be surprised. Such a one Lives secure, Eats with comfort, and Sleeps at ease. A Jealous Man is like another Commander, who fearing what is, and what is not, shuts himself up in his Fort, is afraid of the Wind that blows, and suspects the Motion of the Leaves, and therefore without any Honour or Profit leads his Life in continual frights and suspicions, without knowing the comfort of Peace and Tranquillity.  
Here by the way I would put all those that shall happen to Read this Pamphlet in mind, they must not believe, because I prescribe so much caution and reservedness, my Design is to raise Jealousy between Married People; but rather that I propose so many Methods of Security to take away all cause of Suspicion. There is no doubt, the Obligation would be much the greater to a Doctor, that would keep us in Health when well, than if he should let us fall Sick, and then Cure us.  
Gaming, in all sorts of People, is a scandalous Employment in case they make it their Business; otherwise it may be only a Diversion, or Pastime most peculiar to great Men, who want other Affairs to take up their Time. I would easily agree to Play as much as is justifiable, if I could prescribe how far it is lawful; but I yet find it a greater difficulty to curb the dangerous passions, those who Play are subject to, as Anger and Covetousness. Upon very slender matters a Dispute is set on foot, and that is improved to a Quarrel, where Life and Honour are at Stake; for it is not the value of the thing Men insist upon, but the nature of the dispute. There are so many Examples of the Mischiefs caused by Play, so many disasters follow it, they need not be repeated, our own experience can inform us. A discreet Man was used to say, that Wine, Tobacco and Play ought to be Sold like Drugs at the Apothecaries-Shops. When a Bachelor Plays he ventures what is his own, if we may allow what he loses to be his. A Married Man Plays what belongs to others, for he has right but to his share of what belongs to his Family, and consequently his Wife, Children and Servants have theirs. Then how can he with a safe Conscience, venture and lose what belongs to others.  
A Nobleman who was much given to Gaming, had a Daughter he dearly loved. Being once at Play, he lost his Money, and sent several times home for Jewels and other things of value, which were the best part of his Daughter's Portion. She resenting it, as she had reason, went to the place where he was at Play, and he much surprised to see her, asked, what she wanted in that place, she answered, Sir, I am come, that you may Play me away to, for it is to no purpose to keep me after losing all I was to have.  
One who praised Gaming, called it The Academy of Patience. It might be styled so, if Patience were to be learned there, as it is worn out. I am often considering the Slavery of a Gamester, and can never sufficiently admire at it: for when Judgement is given against him, tho' in a matter of small moment, by a Stander-by, and confirmed by two or three more, yet he raises Objections, appeals, protracts the time, and at last, either he does not pay, or at least he complains; and then, they are so obedient to a pair of Dice, that they part with their Money, because 6 came up before 8, or 11 followed 7. I confess, I can never conceive, Why in the one case they should be so obstinate, and so submissive in the other! To conclude with Gaming, I will only add a witty Expression of one of our Courtiers: He used to say, He wished his Enemies but three Plagues, to be Revenged of them, To ask more than should be given them, to lay Wagers they should lose, and Play more Money than they should win.  
When Gaming was practised upon the Square, and it was a Shame and Dishonour to Cheat, than Play (tho' not good) was in some measure more excusable. Now Play is no longer a Diversion but a Fraud; and Cheating is accounted Wit and Skill, not Infamy and Vice; what Pretence can a Man (who has any to Sense and Honesty,) have to Gaming? If he Plays fair, he loses his Money, and is laughed at for his Ignorance; if foul, he robs another; and tho' none else do, his Conscience must accuse him of the Wrong. There is no need to insist much upon this Point, and it needs no Proof; all that know any thing, know it to be true, and to convince Stupidity, is impossible: But there are many Men generally cautious, and who will shun Playing high, yet think themselves safe enough, venturing but a little; this is often the most tempting Bait, to draw them into Ruin. The Devil never puts Man upon the blackest Villainies at first; he draws him on by degrees, from one to another, till he plunges him beyond all Shame and Remorse. Just so a Gamester, who designs upon one that sees not into his base Projects, allures him with Playing for what is inconsiderable in value; then the more to please, let's him win: covetousness soon overcomes his Reason, and the Winner believes this Gain is the effect of his good Play or Fortune, and it is only the Bait to destroy him. Thus blinded, he forgets his good Resolution, rises on the confidence of his Success, at one Cast loses what he had won, and in a few more, all he has of his own. Yet, supposing a Man to have so great a command of himself, as never to venture more than is very inconsiderable, still of that he will have no satisfaction; for the Diversion of Play consists in the Chance, and the chief Pleasure is, the hope to Win, tho' never so little. But he who merely Plays for these Ends, must necessarily fail of both; for he has no Chance, and consequently no Hopes to Win, because those to whom Gaming is a Trade, where they cannot propose a greater Profit, lay hold of the lesser; Deceit in them is a Habit, and they cannot forbear it, tho' in matters of small moment; or if they could, they would not, for fear lest practising Honesty, any thing of it might stick to them. I have done with the Men, only one word to the Women. If it be unlawful in the Husband, who is Lord of all, to expose his Fortune to the hazard of Play, how much more is it to be condemned in the Wife; who is not Mistress of herself, much less of his Estate? Nor must they pretend, there is more Innocence, and consequently less Danger among their Sex; Women are improved to all the Crafts of Men; they are as well Skilled in all the Frauds of Play; they use as little Conscience, have less regard of Honour, and are under no apprehensions of Punishment for Crimes of that nature. In fine, It is Villainy to impose upon another, and Folly to expose one's self to be imposed upon.  
There is another Danger as great as any yet spoke of, which is, That of being wholly devoted, or rather be witched to Friends; and some Men upon this account, mind nothing but Hunting, Feasting, Rambling, and Debauching with them. The middling sort of People are most exposed to this Evil; or among the great ones, Friendship is ●o rare, they can never reap the Advantages, and consequently, need not fear ●he Damages that may accrue by it; however, it is good even for them, to be cautious. It looks ill, and is a fault in a Married man, to choose a wild extravagant Bachelor for his Friend; for Friendship consisting in Sympathy or Likeness, it would be a wonder, if the Married-man did not every thing he saw the Bachelor do. Generally these People give ill Advice, stir up Married-men not to comply with their Wives, and persuade them to Libertinism. It 〈◊〉 the property of our perverse Nature, ●o endeavour to draw in others, to partake in our Vices. Sick Persons are concerned, to see any body shy of them, or to give them over. Those who follow a dissolute course of Life, strive to debauch all they see inclined to live Regularly. Married-men are the best Companions for sober Married-men, and such are to be chose as live with Repute. Those Husbands are the properest Friends, while Wives are also such among themselves. These may be more serviceable to one another and if they have any Grievances, can with more freedom communicate them and expect to find Comfort and good Instructions, or at least Compassion for besides, that a Man makes his Complaint to an Experienced Person, he lays himself open to one, that another day may have as much to say to him▪ A Gentleman of good Parts, and newly Married, asked of me, What was the most proper time for him to go home 〈◊〉 Nights? I remember, I answered, Hi● Love and his Business were the best Clo● he could go by. But he not satisfied with that Answer, kept me long in discourse upon the same Point. Some Men ar● of opinion, a Man ought to keep to one constant Hour, which must be so fixed, that he may in all probability, by that time, have done his Business, and complied with his Friends abroad, and not have occasion to put his Family into a Fright, by staying out late. Others say, this must not be, but that he is to come home as Conveniency serves, or Occasions fall out; for that by coming home sometimes early, he shows, it is not his fault when he stays late, but that some urgent Occasion obliges him. 〈◊〉 approve of neither of these methods, because the Credit and Reputation of Married People, between themselves, ●n respect to each other, must be grounded upon Truth and Sincerity, without any mixture of Artifice. I am most for keeping to an usual Hour, such ●s will best suit with a Man's Affairs, either at home or abroad. But above all, new Married Men ought to show a great respect to their Wives, ●●tending them more punctually for the first Years. Touching this particular also, Opinions very much vary, and in so much, that they tell us of two ve●y discreet Bridegrooms, that the one going to bed, should call upon his Gentleman of the Horse, and say, Let the Horses be ready very early in the Morning, to go a Hunting; for a Visit that is to be made every day, must not be long. The other being asked by his Valet de Chambre, What  he should lay out for him against next day? answered, Go home to your Father's House, till I send for you; for the Corn they are now Sowing, shall be Reaped, before I shall have any occasion for . Such, and so various are the Opinions of Men, which is th● reason an understanding Man used t● say, Do you know why the Crow is Black▪ it is, because no body asks, Whethe● he is Black or White.  
You may perceive, that in these Instructions, I do not observe Metho●● strictly, but speak to each Point at 〈◊〉 occurs to Memory. I believe it is ou● of its proper place, (but never out o● season) to advertise a Married Man that as he must cautiously avoid praising other Women too much before hi● Wife, so must he ever take care not to commend her before Men. A Man may, and aught upon some occasion modestly to commend his Wife's Virtue, but not her Abilities; and even her Virtues, are not to be made the Subject of his common Discourse. It may be lawful for a Married Man sometimes, and but seldom, to express the Satisfaction he has of his Wives Parts and Abilities, to a Father, a Brother, such near Relations, and to his most experienced Friends, when they are Men of known Sense and Gravity. There are many Men, and of no small Quality, who pretending to be Courtly or Witty, talk much in Public, and praise their Wives Shapes and Limbs, which in my opinion, is most scandalous, and deserves a severe Reprimand. I was astonished one day, talking with a Gentleman of good Note, and in Years, because his Wife being indisposed of a Pain in one of her Breasts, he told me, His Lady was much tormented, because her Bubbies were very tender.  
Being one Winter Night in Flanders, in a House where many Great Men resorted, one of the Company had so little sense, as to draw out his Wife's Picture to show to the rest; it was of that sort of Pictures that are put into strange Garbs, according to the fancy of the Painter, or the Owner; for Vice has invented as many Dresses to please the Eyes, as Sauces to delight the Palate. It happened this Picture was in the Habit of an Ensign, and really very pleasing. One of the Guests then in the House, was a Youth of good Quality, but very much addicted to the Liberty used in that Country; and it being after Supper (as appeared by him more than any of the others,) it came into his Head to get the Picture out of the foolish Husband's hands, which he kissed and hugged as freely, as if it had been his own Wives, saying, O my dear Ensign, my dear Ensign! and a thousand Amorous Expressions. In fine, it run on to that height, that we fell together by the Ears, and it was a wonder some were not killed; yet the Shame and Scandal was great: and tho' those People are not Jealous and Malicious, it gave much matter of Talk, and lasted long. All this was caused by the extravagant liberty of that unthinking Husband.  
Tho' all the Counsels here given, be very prudent and excellent, and well worthy the consideration of every Man, that desires to live in the State of Matrimony with Content and Reputation; yet I think, there is not one more absolutely necessary, and of greater consequence than this last. If a Portuguese, bred in a Country, where it is a Crime to speak of another Man's Wife, and no Credit for a Man to discourse of his own, could think this Advice seasonable in that Country, where so much caution is used; how much more necessary is it here, where Men without any regard, make their own or other men's Wives, the Subject of their most dissolute Conversation. How preposterous is it, to hear a Husband not satisfied with extolling the Virtue and natural Endowments of his Wife, run into indecent Commendations of her Person, so as not to leave any Part of her Body, which as far as in him lies, he does not expose to the view of those that hear him? Sure, nothing can be a greater demonstration of Folly, unless it be that of some others, who displeased with a Wife, only because she is so, can never cease Railing in all Company, and as if her Shame were not their own; publish all her Imperfections, and not satisfied with that, often add whatever their Hatred and Malice can suggest. To commend a Wife, is to extol one's self, if we will allow Man and Wife to be one, as Christianity teaches, it is raising the Desires of lewd Men; and he that desires, has already as much as in him lies, wronged a Man of Honour; in this case, there needs not the Execution; the Wish, the Thought is an Injury, and that is seldom wanting where such Praises are inconsiderately lavished. If Praising be not allowable, how much less to reproach and slander a Wife? it is not only Reflection a Man shares, as she is his second Self, but that he brings upon his own Judgement for not making a better Choice; the Honour done to a Woman redounds to her Husband; if he make her despicable in the Eyes of the World, he must share in the Disgrace. There is another more than Brutal Liberty, much practised by some, who think all that is Lewd will pass for Wit; which is, to make their Jests, and divert themselves with the Discourse of those things, Modesty and good Manners forbidden us to name. Nature itself, and the Custom of all Ages, have prescribed Rules of Decency for our Words, and yet there are men who believe, there is no greater Wit than infringing those very Rules. I can only say, this is a horrid Practice, that all men either of Sense or Honour ought most carefully to avoid; I will add no more, because the Subject is such as does not bear discoursing of it, and Modesty forbids touching any farther upon it. If there be occasion for a man to speak of his Wife, and to express his Satisfaction, let it be with few Words, and always in general Terms, without ever descending to Particulars; but his Actions and Behaviour are the Language will most fitly and best speak her Praises, the Respect he shows, the Love he bears her, are the greatest Orators to speak for her; there is no Panegyric so much extols her, as the Company and Kindness of her Husband. If a Woman has Faults, it is his Duty (if possible) to correct, if not, at least to hid and conceal them.  
Some men (led away by their open Nature, or the fierceness of their Desires,) stick not to discover to their Wives, they should not be sorry to become Widowers; and tho' for the most part, they let fall these Expressions by the way of Jests, Women generally take them as real Discoveries of their Thoughts, and Tokens of their Diskindness, which is generally better repaid in the same Coin, than Love. Let every prudent man have a care of exercising this sort of Raillery; but on the contrary, let his Words and Actions always express that Love and Tenderness he would expect from her. He must not do as is said of one, whose Wife when she lay a Dying, said, She was very much troubled, she had not, done such and such things; he answered, Madam, do you Die, and all shall be done.  
Have a great care of being too troublesome and difficult to please, as many are, with their Wives and Families. The impertinence of many, is really intolerable, who without any other reason, but barely because they are in their own Houses, are always Quarrelling and Complaining, tyre all their Servants, ordering first one thing, and then contradicting the same thing they commanded. Hatred is not kindled at once, but springs from Dislike, and by degrees becomes Hatred; this often happens between Man and Wfe, their continual Cohabitation and Company, which should increase Love and Affection, exciting in them Enmity and Loathing.  
Since I have told some such Stories, I will not omit this: A Son of the Venerable Matron Margaret de Chaves, with whom I was well acquainted, and from whose mouth I heard it, solicited the Canonization of his Mother at Rome with great importunity: Pope Paul V had remitted the Examination of the Matter to a Cardinal, who was already so weary of this young Solicitor, that he endeavoured to fly as soon as he saw him; it happened, he came to speak to him upon a day when the Cardinal was more out of Humour than ordinary, and after he had told him his Business as usual, the Cardinal replied, Sir, it is needless to trouble ourselves with farther Proofs of your Mother's Sanctity; do you but prove she had patience to endure you, and the Pope will immediately declare her a Saint.  
Certainly, if we consider how great a stock of Patience is required to bear with impertinent Men, who value themselves upon being absolute in their Houses, and have no other way to show it, but by tormenting and plaguing their poor Wives, we shall find they make a pleasing Offering of Patience to Almighty God, and that they may justly be received among the number of Saints. There is a sort of Men given to Bawling, who upon the least motive would throw the House out at the Windows, and who discover the Secret of their own ill Conditions, and publish it to all the Neighbourhood. God deliver us from that perverse Custom! It was a good Saying of one, That no body suffers so much, but if he looks upon the Sufferings of another, his own will appear tolerable enough. Proud and unreasonable Men are commonly subject to this Failing. The former think all Creatures were made to serve them; the latter will not allow any thing for Accidents: Both are most unhappy Failings; because, being the Success of Things, is not generally in our power; it happens, that every Year, Day, and Hour, they fall out contrary to our Expectation: and these Disappointments are no way remedied by our Peevishness.  
It will not be amiss, to remember those who suffer their Affections to stray towards their Maids, to the great hazard of the Reputation of their Families, to which they are false, and deserve an Exemplary Punishment. The very Birds of Prey that live upon what they find, generally go far from home, to seek their Food. Why then should Men be less cautious and wary? Tho' all manner of unlawful Conversation with Women, be of very dangerous consequence to Man, yet none so absolutely pernicious as that which is Entertained within his own House. The disorderly proceeding of the Master is soon known to the Family, the ill Example prevails, one Vice creates another; and thus they multiply till they bring on some unexpected Misfortune on the Family. The Maids finding themselves beloved by their Master, Plot against their Mistress, and contrive such Devilish Mischiefs, that not satisfied with the first wrong, they often endeavour to deprive them of their Honour, and sometimes of their Lives. Some hope hereby to succeed in their places (as it often happens) and others the more freely to follow their dissolute course of Life. Hence follow sometimes Lamentable Tragedies, and sometimes scandalous Marriages.  
Having given several Counsels relating to the Government of the Soul in the practice of Virtue; it is Requisite to present you with some precepts touching the Management of the House, which with more Elegancy by Philosophers, is Styled the OEconomical Virtue, and is the second part of Civil Learning, which is also the second of Moral Philosophy. This, in fine, is nothing but the Prudence, and Industry, wherewith the Citizen, the Gentleman, the great and the small Govern their Families; which in Princes is Policy, and Matter of State, howsoever the Philosophers term it.  
That Roman General, who believed he who understood well how to order a Feast, might know how to draw up an Army; had been much more in the right, had he said, he might well Govern a common Wealth, who knew how to Govern his House, for a City is nothing but a great Family, and a Family a little City.  
It happened one day, and to be the more exact, it was upon the Eve of the Epiphany, that I went to Visit a Gentleman my Friend, and because he Lived far from my Lodging, and it was in Winter, I thought I should scarce find him at home by the time I got to his House. He was a Young Man, and both his Wife and he were reputed to be but ill Managers of their Houshold-Affairs. Being come to his Door, and having sent in to know whether he was disposed to receive my Visit, whilst a Page hurried about knocking at several Doors to inquire, I heard distinctly a Voice within, that said, Do you go to the Curat's House, and ask as from such a one whether this be a Fastingday or not. If he says a Fastingday, go to the Market for Fish; if not, fetch Flesh from the Butchers, make hast that Dinner may be got ready. This was between one and two of the Clock. Consider what a Life had the Servants of that House, when the Masters Lived in such disorderly manner. The Confusion of a Family under a Negligent Master is not to be expressed. It is a common, but most true Saying, that When the Head aches all the Body is out of order. I was acquainted with a Man of great Quality and Understanding, but so very heedless of his House, that he used to send for a certain Friend to come and Chide his Servants, and oblige them to mind their Duty. These Extremes are related as monstrous, and it is fit to bear them in mind, the more to abhor them.  
I reduce all the Government of a House to two Heads, that is Diet and Clothing, Rules well known to the Wise. By Diet is to be understood all necessaries and conveniencies requisite within the House; and by Clothing, all that is for making an appearance Abroad. I have touched upon the Points before, but not so much as was necessary.  
Now to descend to particulars; it is requisite the Master of the Family endeavour always to support it in that splendour and plenty, that his Fortune will afford, still labouring that nothing may be wanting, either for Credit or Conveniency. The Table must always be so regularly supplied, that it may be plentiful and orderly furnished, without any thing of Penury. It avails not to have plenty of all things brought in from abroad, if they are miserably dispensed and delivered out at home. Servants are more apt to resent the feeling of Want in the midst of Plenty, than they would Liberality in Want.  
Some Masters think of nothing but hoarding Money, and neither Pay nor  their Servants. I would not plead for Fortune, which sometimes so order it, that those who Treat their Servants worst, are best attended by them; but must appear in the behalf of Reason, which commands, and requires him that would expect to have good Servants, to be a good Master. He that would have Servants to guests at his thoughts, aught to divine their wants. I hold it as a general Rule, That the Table ought to be more plentiful than dainty, and the Clothing more Sightly than Costly. Set-meals and proper times of Clothing, aught to be observed. A great Lord used to say of one much inferior to himself, that Governed his Family very orderly, That he never so much wished for any thing as to be his Servant, because his usage to them was such, that not only their , but even their Persons never grew Old.  
The best Pay, is that which is given in time. Let Servants have what is agreed upon, and Workmen the value of their Labour; he who does so, will be well Served by both: Good Service is to be rewarded, that Servants may be ready in time of need. Present Pay is best, though little; for if as the Spaniards say, he gives double who gives immediately, it is a sign the readiness of the Gift enhances the value. An ill Paymaster by delay so far offends his Creditors, they are scarce to be Reconciled with double their due. A certain Servant being asked, whom he waited upon, answered, I Serve my Son; and being again asked, what he meant by that, replied, I Serve my Heir. This gave occasion to an Ingenious Man to say, it was a false Proverb, that a good Paymaster Inherits what is not his own; because it is certain, he who pays not other Men their due, is heir to what does not belong to him. Let all things be Governed by Providence, not Pride, for the Effects of the former will be good and just, and those of the latter Extravagant and Scandalous. I would advise a Man of Quality to keep a decent, not a Hungry Table, that it be rather to feed the Mouth than the Eyes. That is, that it be more for use than Ostentation.  
I will relate two Passages to this purpose, both which I saw and had Experience of to my own Cost. There was a Grandee of Spain, as great for his Vanity, as remarkable for Penury, he had daily Twelve Dishes Served up at Dinner, and as many at Supper with public Ceremony, and it was certain only three of them had Meat, the other nine were carried along for form, but as empty as their Master's Head.  
I Knew another to whom by his place the reversion of a Prince's Table, whom he served, belonged. The Meat was carried to his House and served up to his own Table. Next it descended to his Son-and-Hier, who kept a Table apart, and Entertained Company, and by whom I was sometimes Invited, and this was the third time those Dishes appeared in public. But it stopped not there, for thence they went down to the chief Servants, and from them to the Inferior, so that these Dishes appeared in five several places before they were Consumed. This gave occasion to a Servant of that Family, with the Native sharpness of that Country to say: His Master was the greatest Man in Spain, for that he was served by Grandsons of Princes, because all his Servants were but four degrees removed from his Highness. Alluding to the four Tables, by which the Dishes gradually descended to them.  
So great is the power of vain Glory, especially in our Age, that it flies at Nature, and overcomes it. For a Man to Eat well to support Nature, is necessary, to Eat deliciously to please his Palate, is tolerable; but for him to Build a Reputation upon empty Dishes brought in for show as in a Play, is a Foppery, we ought to pray to God to deliver us from.  
Since we are speaking of Eating, it is not amiss to advise not to keep unseasonable Hours. It is very inconvenient for the Servants, and Masters that require their attendance. If Attendance and Business obliges a Man to Dine late; I would have the Servants Eat first, otherwise they suffer much, and the House is never well served, and it often happens when the Servants are to Dine after the Master, he loses his Business, and slips his time for want of attendance. I highly approve of keeping up our ancient Customs of keeping Servants well Fed, cherishing, and treating them with Kindness, which binds, and inclines them to love their Master.  
I would advise every Married Man at some times of the Year without being asked, but of his own accord to make some Feasts, and have some extraordinary Mirth and Pastime in his House, to please and divert his Wife and Family. Let him promote these things himself, they will be the more valued, he will be Cried up and Applauded for it, and indeed it is a sign of good Nature to delight in seeing others pleased, and delighted with what is decent and allowable. Not as our King Peter, Surnamed the Cruel, who caused the People to be kept waking at Night, because he could not Sleep. Let him contrive as often Entertainments abroad, whereof the meanest Servants may be partakers, that he may be thought easy and careful of their satisfaction. Let him prudently share with them of all extraordinaries as Presents, and other unexpected Refreshments. Some Men will rather suffer any Rarities to rot and be thrown away, than bestow any on their Servants. There are some things, though mean and inconsiderable in themselves, very taking with the Family, that is affording them those things that are or Custom has made reasonable at certain times of the Year, as Minced Pies at Christmas, Pancakes at Shrovetide, Pig at Bartholomewtide, Goose at Michaelmas, and the like; which though in themselves of no moment, nor worth the mentioning, yet being usual at those Seasons, are missed by Servants if not had, and when had, satisfy and content them.  
I approve of going to Country Houses, but not of continuing any time in them, not that it is any way undecent, but extremely troublesome. It disorders the Family, destroys the Goods, tires the Servants, nothing is saved, rather more is spent, and a Man neither enjoys the quiet of the Country, nor the satisfaction of the Court. I mean those Country Houses, that are so near the Court, that one may go and come in a day, as is usually done by those who Live in them, which gave occasion to a witty Man to say, that a certain Gentleman's Coach, made three Journeys a year to Jerusalem, reckoning how many Leagues the Coach traveled every day, going and coming between the Court and his Seat. Great Courtiers esteem a Country Life intolerable, which of itself it is not, but rather pleasant and convenient. One of these being invited by a Friend among other company, to spend two or three days in a Countryhouse of his, the second day without taking leave of the others, set out towards the City; they called after him to stop, and having complied, and being asked whether he was going, he answered, My Friends, I am going away, for if I spend above four and twenty Hours in the Country, I fancy I am turned into a Beast.  
I am of Opinion, it is not convenient to live always at Court, and there are certain times proper for a Married Man to retire with his whole Family, to live upon his Estate, or where he shall judge most for his purpose. If I must prescribe a certain Rule for the time of this Retirement; I judge when a Man-has above two Children, is the properest Season. The time of his absence from Court, aught to be while those Children grow up, and it is no disadvantage to them not to be known, that is, till eight or ten Years of Age: Then it is fit to return to Court to introduce them, that the King may know them, and they know how to behave themselves at Court, which is very strange and uncouth to those who have not been bred in it; as is said of the Cataracts of Nile, the Noise whereof is terrible to strangers, and scarce heard by the Natives that live about the place. The old Duke of Alva, who was Lord Steward of the Household to the King of Spain, used to say, If I am but two days without coming to Court, the third I stumble at the Mats, or else they laugh at me.  
Now methinks, after this return to Court, a Man must not absent himself till his Children are Married; and then they being disposed of, that he retire to give rest to his Old Age, and gain a Christian Interval between Business and Death, which is the most important Affair of Life. This method is only proper for him that lives for himself, and upon himself; for I do not design to advise a Minister of State, a Soldier, or Prince's Servant, ●ho daily Merits, and is in the way of Preferment, to quit his Profession and Pretensions, without very great reason. Where there is a sufficient Cause, I am not against it; nor would I be so conceited to believe, but any who hath sufficient ground for so doing, would suffer himself to be led a way by the Counsel of a Man who has so ill governed himself. This sort of Retreat is very advantageous towards prolonging a Man's Life, preserving his Health, sparing his Estate, and saving his Soul. As to Life, Men live longest in the Country; for Health is maintained by Exercise; the Estate is bettered because less is spent, and Salvation is securer, because there are less Temptations to Sin, and the Thoughts are more free to be employed on God, and one's self.  
Yet there are enough who contradict all this; for as one wisely said, Every Man gives a different Name to his Will: and therefore there has always been much controversy about this manner of Retirement. An ancient Gentleman boasted, that he saved half his Estate by what was not to be had. It was quite otherwise with a ●paniard, who when Money grew scarce, gave out, he retired to the Country, and went not from Court, but said, There was no way for a Man to recover and recruit himself, like devouring half a dozen Pages and Footmen, without stirring one Foot from his House. These Retreats are often very much opposed by the Women, and they endeavour so much the more vigorously to divert such Resolution of their Husbands, by how much they are the more great at Court, have the more Relations, or are more in Vogue. In this case, I can say no more than was said by a Miser, to one who would borrow some Money of him, offering seven Reasons that should oblige him to send it; the Miser replied, Those same seven Reasons I have, for not doing what you desire.  
I can not avoid putting in a word touching some Husbands, who study nothing more, but how to be always absent from Home, upon long Journeys and Voyages, some of their own seeking, and others which they do not endeavour to prevent, leaving young Wives behind, and perhaps not so well provided, or taken care for as they ought to be. These Men pretend it is Business of Honour and Profit, that calls them away; and Experience teaches us, they often under these Pretences ruin there Fortunes, and many times hazard what is of more value than their Estates, to wit, their Reputation, Women Mary to live as Wives, not Widows, and he that puts the contrary upon them, knows not his Duty.  
A Widow talking one day with a Gentleman, said to him; Sir, I was never Married, then do you consider how it is possible for me to be a Widow. He replied, Certainly she was so, for he had been well acquainted with such a Gentleman who was her Husband. And she returned; Sir I tell you I was Married by Proxy, I was a Wife by Letters, and that is no Married Life. And it was really so, for her Husband was so continually absent, she scarce knew him.  
If we were in private, I would tell you a Story of a young Man, which I heard at Barcelona, There was a Gentleman there newly Married his Name Mosen Gralha. When the Emperor Charles V went into Italy, this Youth followed him, contrary to the will of his Wife, who was Young, Beautiful and Virtuous. The Husband being in Service, and hoping for Preferment, thought not of returning Home in haste. The Wife grew weary of waiting, and often writ to him to come home, but at last despairing of his coming, she sent him these Words in Writing, in the Catalonian Language; Mosen Gralha, Mosen Gralha, Mon Amor non manha Palha: that is, Mosen Gralha, Mosen Gralha, my Love will not feed on Hay. The Husband took the Letter, and carried it to the Emperor to interpret for him; who understanding it, as well he might, honoured and preferred the Husband, commended the Freedom and discretion of the Woman, and sent him Home. Monasteries, Enclosures, and Precautions that Men make use of, to secure their Wives, are very dangerous, and without Occasions be very pressing, it is an Imposition to treat Women so, and a breach of Faith to leave them; for if any of them had a mind to be a Nun, she would not Marry. Every married Man ought to be very cautious, how he absents himself from Home for a long time, and never do it, unless upon a sure and very great Advantage. It has been a Dispute among Politicians, Whether it were expedient to employ Married Officers in an Army, or not? Did I converse with Kings, I would advise them, to employ Bachelors in Conquests and Offensive Wars; because, being Single, they expose themselves more freely, are more forward, in hopes to return Home with Honour, and get Wives; and either Living or Dead, they are a less Charge to their Sovereign. On the contrary, at Home in a Defensive War, I would have them prefer Married Men before Bachelors in Military Posts, because Men generally are more desperate in defence of their Wives, Children and Honour, than of their Life. The same Advice I give Kings, in respect of their Subjects, will serve their Subjects in respect of their Kings: the one may observe it in Choosing, the others in Soliciting. But you will not bear with this; for I was running into Politics and Matters of State, without thinking of it. With your leave, I will turn back, and come to my own Business.  
It is an unsufferable thing in my Ears, to hear some Men, who always name their Wife by a Metaphor, or rather Nickname them, calling them, My Old Woman, my Bedfellow, my Mistress, my Inseparable, the Mother of my Children, and many such Expressions, some much worse; but the best very unbecoming, and in my opinion, very unworthy any Man of Sense and Discretion. If a Man values his Wife, and she her Husband, Why should they not call one another by the proper Names? for the same that is said in respect of the one, is to be applied to the other. Relations that Mary, use to call one another by the degree of Kindred that is between them. I love Truth, and would persuade every body, rather to say my Wife, or my Husband, than my Cousin, or my Nephew, or my Niece, or my Uncle: Yet this might be more tolerable, if not carried so far as to give occasion to what happened to a Gentleman, who continually called his Wife Cousin; for a Servant having occasion to write to her, superscribed his Letter, To my Master's Cousin, not knowing her Name. (The reason of this is, that the Wives in Spain and Portugal, do not take the Name of their Husbands, but always retain their own.)  
If I may be allowed to go through with all my Impertinence, I would say one word concerning the manner of speaking between Married People. The Spanish word Tu, that is, Thou, tho' looked upon by them as kind and familiar, is too vulgar a Word, and if ever, ought only to be used in private. The French vous, is an Expression they would use to the Queen of Sheba, were she to come again. It is decent and seemly sometimes, to speak in the Third Person. Lordship and Excellency must be left to them it belongs to, but it looks  for a Man to Treat his Wife as if she were not such. Highness and Majesty may pass among Kings and Princes, who are forbid those familiar Endearments common to all the rest of Mankind; which gave occasion to King John II. to say, He wished he could be a Man but for three days. Let me persuade Married People to treat one another in such Language, as may best express their Love, and show their Respect, which is very necessary to those who desire to preserve Peace and Reputation. But the younger sort may be dispensed with, in the strict Observation of any Rules.  
I have not said any thing to the Women a long while, and have one thing to recommend to them, which they have no reason to make slight of, for it is very convenient. There are some who revenge the Displeasures they receive, and cannot remedy on themselves an Action very indiscreet and unjust. Some, because they have unkind Husbands, neglect and disfigure themselves, which makes them still the more unkind. Those whose Children die, or who bear none, do not only inwardly Afflict themselves, but express their Trouble in their  and Countenance, which Troubles and Discomposes loving Husbands, who have a Respect for them; and furnishes at least a plausible Excuse, for those who value them not, the less to regard them. This Disorder causes many great Inconveniencies, which may much disturb the Peace of a Family; for generally Men are not of the Humour of a Friend of mine, who in the like case used to say to his Wife, Madam, be satisfied, that whatsoever you can do to me, I will not love you less, nor shall you appear the worse in my Eyes. That mutual Faith and Equality which is contracted in Wedlock, requires each should endeavour to satisfy and please the other; and as it is a great Grief to the Survivor when either dies, so is it a Trouble and Affliction to the other, when either is Melancholy or Dissatisfied. I have already said, the Souls of Man and Wife are in common between them, and so consequently their Pleasures and Sorrows. Let neither Party take upon them, what belongs to the other. Let neither Grieve nor Rejoice, farther than the same Passion may affect the other.  
Having mentioned those, that for Grief are careless of themselves, it is not amiss to remember the others, who are as much to blame for their Gaiety, and excessive Care in setting themselves out. I have spoke of fine  and Dressing, and I know not whether it was Loathing, Anger or Forgetfulness, that has kept me from those who Paint their Faces.  
The Woman that lays Paint upon her Face, lays on her own Infamy, and lays aside her Shame; She adds no Youth or Beauty, but wrongs her Judgement, her Age, and her Countenance. Every one who sees it, concludes she has little of her own to trust to, that has recourse to such base Borrowed-Helps. He was always esteemed a Coward, who wore most Armour. How many Women, instead of Pleasing by these means, Scandalise their Beholders, and provoke to Laughter and Scorn those very People whose Admiration they expected to raise, and whose Affections perhaps, they hoped to gain. This is an abuse a Husband ought carefully to take away at the very first; for Time or Age does not correct, but rather increase it. I am of opinion, the Husband that permits it, has as little Sense as the Woman that uses it. One of these Women desiring her Husband to sit near her; he Answered, Let me alone, for since my last Sickness, I have an Aversion to all Apothecary's Drugs: Another used to say of his Aunt, who being very Old, laboured to hid the Signs of Age in her Face; My Aunt will not Credit, nor have others believe Demonstration: And in truth it is so; for no Art will put the grace of Youth on an Old Face, and it takes away the Gravity. The Faces are disfigured with the continual plague of Washeses and Pomatums, and the wretched Women are Slaves to their Pride. This is the reason another ingeniously enough, said, Such a Lady made an unhappy Slave of her Face: But Cardinal Capata expressed it more wittily than all of them, who Visiting an Ancient Roman Lady, very much addicted to this Beastly Custom; She asked, What News in Italy? and he perceiving her Face all daubed, answered, Madam, there is very bad News; for as the Case stands, I find Soliman has taken Possession of Civita Vecchia. Soliman in Spanish, is Mercury, much used in those sort of White-Washes, to which he alluded; and by Civita Vecchia, is plainly expressed her Age; Critics will call this but a Quibble, or Pun, but sometimes those pass for Wit in English, and they are generally so in other Languages.  
I remember but very few years since, Painting and Patching were the two distinctive Marks of a Prostitute in England; some Women of the Upper-Rank, coveting to be known as such, first made it fashionable; and now it is become so general a Use, it is dangerous to speak against it. My Author being a Portugese, doubted not to exclaim against it as a Vice in that Country, where it had been practised time out of mind, and where no Woman thinks herself Dressed, till she has hid her Face under a White and Red Mask. Nor will I fear to say, it is the greatest Folly and Demonstration of Lewdness here, where it is a new Invention, and where there are Thousands of the most Beautiful and Virtuous, that will no way be offended at me. Experience teaches, how Yellow, how Withered, how Wrincled, and how Hagged, a young Face soon becomes, with the use of these cursed Pastes, Washes, and Colours. he who sees a Woman that uses them, rise out of Bed in a Morning, needs no more to make him loathe them; and they, if they had any Sense, would abhor them. In an Old Woman, it is no better than Daubing a rotten Post, the Worm eats through, it moulders away, and Age and Putrefaction appears through all the Varnish. But to pass by the Damage done to the Face; there can be no greater Folly, in regard Nature has given the Complexion, and no Art can mend it; for the worst Complexion is better than the best Counterfeit; nor is any Man so blind, as not to see through a little Tincture of Spanish Wool, and a Varnish of Mercury and Ceruse, and such like Ingredients. Yet, what makes most to our purpose, is, that Married Women can have no pretence to it, because the Husband must see them at Night and Morning in all the Deformity it leaves, which must cause Horror to him; and if they lay it on to please, it must be some other Man: for no Husband can be delighted, to see that assume the Shape of an Angel, which he knows in itself, to be a Devil. The Man that bears with such an Imposition, is certainly past all Pity, and deserves to be made the public Scorn; and the Wife that practices so base and open a Cheat, to be reputed Infamous, tho' in reality she were not so. There is another new Invention, which is, Women lying with Vizards on their Faces, to preserve them, it is a sign they keep them not for their Husbands, and that they who permit it, are not worthy of them. May all such have the Honour to see their Wife's Cuckold them bare-faced, since they never enjoy them but under a Mask. But enough of this; the very Discourse of it is Loathsome. I will only ask of the Ladies, who think they are never Beautiful unless their Faces be half covered with Patches, Whether if God had ordained those very Spots they put on, should be naturally imprinted in their Skins, they would not think themselves very unhappy in that Deformity? Doubtless they would; and all their Study would be, how to hid it. How strange is it then, that what from the Hand of God would be accounted a Defect, put on by their own, should be mistaken for Ornament! I cannot think, that Patches add any other Beauty, than to make a Woman look like a motley Dog; for I am loath to name the Female.  
Now because these Counsels may reach some Persons of high Birth and Quality, who often arrive to great Employments Civil or Military; it will not be amiss to give a little Advice to those Ladies, who may be the Wives of Ministers of State, and such as have the Administration of public Affairs, for their better behaving themselves in those Elevated Stations. Many Wives of great Ministers, to the evident danger of their Husbands and Families, take upon them to Manage public Affairs as well as they. The inconveniencies arising from this practice may be reduced to three heads. Interceding for such as have Suits to prefer, dealing with those that have succeeded, and revealing of Secrets to them that solicit. I know not which of these is worst. But it is all destructive to the Reputation of those Ministers, whose Wives are led away by Flattery, Interest, or Ambition. I have by me the Copy of a Letter of the Emperor Charles the Fifth, to King Philip his Son, when he left him to Govern in his absence; wherein he informs him what Ministers he had left him to advise with, and coming to speak of one he did not thoroughly like, he has these Words: Such a Man were the best of all, if he were an Eunuch, for the Wife destroys in that Man the best parts I ever saw.  
This fault is of more dangerous consequence in the Wives of Ministers of Justice, as Judges, and the like. But the Ministers of State being Persons of more Note, it is more visible in them, or perhaps it is not so much taken notice of in the former, as more usual. It was well said of a Courtier to this purpose, who when the House of a Judge who was not very nice had taken Fire, went crying along the Streets: Help Gentlemen, or our Goods will be Burnt.  
One who had a Law Suit depending, complained to another that the Judge having no Fortune, spent like a Man of a great Estate, and concluded saying, And whence can all this come; the other answered, From what is carried in: The former again replied, Sir his Forefathers did not so; and the other returned, No, Sir, it is we that are here, who do it.  
The Wives of some Ministers often hasten their Husband's ruin, still burdening them with their extravagancy, when they ought to endeavour to ease them, and thus they both fall together. The Husband must look to, and keep a watchful Eye to secure himself. And since it is certain, that we let the Blood out of our Veins, if it corrupts lest it infect the rest: how much more ought we to drain Ambition and Covetousness from a Wife, if she appear guilty of it? for this threatneth sudden Sickness to the Body and Family, and Death to the Employment and Honour. I grant it might be Lawful for a Wife to recommend, or even favour some Man's Business wherein Justice were visible, putting her Husband in mind, and giving him some hints of it. But these things being in themselves hazardous, it seldom happens they are carried no farther than they ought to be. I could wish the punishment of the fault were to light only upon the Author of it; but it falls not out so, for the Husband is always liable to suffer for the indiscretion of his Wife.  
There was one of this sort of Ministers in Spain, of no squeamish Conscience, his Wife drove the Bargains, and came off always a gainer; he always said when any Body praised his Goods, many thanks to my Wife's Industry. And it was very certain, the effects of her Industry were visible enough.  
A Merchant going for India, undertook to carry a Present for the Wife of a great Minister, the poor Man had the ill Fortune to be Shipwrackt, and lost that and all he had of his own. He returned to Spain, and to Court, and was so unjustly Treated, that without any regard to his loss, they obliged him to Refund the full value of the Present or Venture. Going thence to Sevil, he met a Merchant his Friend, and asked whether he went, the other said, To the great Church, to ensure Merchandise of value he expected, with God, and some Men of Business; then the first replied; Sir, let me advise you not to do so, it is better recommend it to such a Lady, and she will secure it.  
But because I hinted something touching women's revealing the Secrets of their Husband's Employments, it will be seasonable to speak a word of it here, being a circumstance on which the happiness of Matrimony has great dependence. I have heard it much disputed, and argued it myself, whether it is fit to discover all Secrets to a Wife. I, who always admired a sincere Love, a long time believed a Virtuous Wife was to be the Closet to keep the most hidden Secrets of the Husband, and that it was one of the greatest Blessings of Matrimony, that a Man possessed in a Wife, a faithful Soul, on whom he might unburden his cares and troubles, (which sometimes overpress him) with the same security, as if he had never parted with them out of his own Breast, and I thought all Love which was not so open, was deceitful. This was once my Opinion, but is not at present, nor will I give such advice to any Friend of mine; for Experience gained by Years, and precedents has taught me, that he rather is unjust to the Love he owes to his Wife, who trusts her with Secrets above her Capacity. This is just like Building a great House upon a weak Foundation, which the first gust of Wind throws down. If we put into a Boat the Loading of a Ship, it will sink. The Secrets that were made for great Souls, must be kept there; and let us always remember that notable Saying of a Wise Man, I never repent for what I did not say. Yet since I pretend to salve up all Sores, I must confess, I do not look upon Women as wholly unworthy to be entrusted with some matters of moment. Therefore if we must prescribe how far this revealing, or concealing of Secrets may extend, my Opinion is, That our own private Concerns are fit to be communicated with him. Points of Honour, the Mysteries of our Employ, the Secrets of Kings, and Affairs of the Government, are never to be let slip out of the Husband's Breast. Yet if I may assign Rules, this is yet a better. To tell a Woman those things she may forward or help with her Industry or Counsel, and say nothing to her of what is above her reach. I grant there have been, and may be Women in the World of great Souls, fit to be trusted with every thing; but these are only Prodigies framed by the surplus of overflowing Nature, and we must not expect she has communicated those Gifts to all, and can scarce believe she did to any.  
One of the cases wherein Married Men have most need of Counsel, is to Marry their Children, and it will not be fit that I, who have remembered so many trifles, should forget a thing of such consequence. It is a common received Opinion, that the best time to Marry Children, is when the best opportunity offers. This Rule in my Judgement is very uncertain; for in case there be a good opportunity of a Match, and a bad disposition of the Parties, than the goodness of the event would be doubtful, or rather success would not be hoped. But that Rule is to be understood of an opportunity that follows a disposition, and that Children are inclined to that state of Life. For although it might be hoped from the conveniencies of a Match, that the advantages it brought might make it acceptable and pleasing, yet the Will, which is the chief Actor here, is seldom Governed by those Rules; and it is in vain to expect any satisfaction or content of a Marriage that is against Inclination. Let Sons be free in their choice; yet in such manner, that their Parents still endeavour to incline them to what is for their Advantage. Fathers in this case must advise, not command. In Daughters the danger is very great, because the vanity of Man has introduced an inhuman Custom, opposite to Honour, Virtue and good Parts, and only in favour of Interest: whereby it often happens, that in great and Noble Houses where there are many Daughters, there is scarce Portion enough to Marry one of them according to her Quality. By this means the rest are condemned to lose their Liberty by force, and take upon them a course of Life they have no manner of Inclination to, but by compulsion is put upon them. This evil is scarce to be remedied, for it would be first necessary to redress the whole Commonwealth, and correct its ill Customs. If we would Govern ourselves by Examples of our Forefathers, we have seen many great Men who had several Daughters have increased their Families, without putting any thing upon them contrary to their Wills. I think in this case, he that has many Daughters, might be satisfied not to fall, though he did not rise; which in plain Terms is to Marry their Daughters to Men, that would sue for them to Honour their Houses; and not to endeavour to find such Sons as should add Honour to them. It is enough that the Son-in Law be not Dishonourable. This is no general Rule, nor do I persuade any Body not to seek what is best, I only advise Men to conform to necessity. I could name many Persons of great Note, who have observed this method, and even descended to Inferiors, which were thought at first scandalous, and yet time and Fortune at length made them all equal. The favour of Princes, great Riches, extraordinary merit either in Warfare or Learning, make Men (whose original is not infamous) fit to Match with Persons of the greatest Quality. A great Man in a few words expressed all that is to be said in this matter, his words were, That Parents to Marry their Sons well, aught to offer and Court for them; but to Marry their Daughters, should be entreated and Courted. And another no less Ingenious said, That good Parts were the steps that lead to Quality; for that often Men of small Note, by them rose to be equal with the greatest.  
I cannot forbear putting in one Word here for some Parents, who turn their Daughters lose to get Husbands, especially those that have any Charms of Beauty, and herein exceed the bounds of Decency. I confess in this particular, I am of a most rigid nature; and therefore were I to judge of it by my own Inclinations, I should never sufficiently exclaim against it. But this Practice is grown so Familiar, it appears not near so odious to us, as it has done to others. This is so received a Custom out of Spain (especially in Flanders) that Courtship is openly managed by assignation, nay it is carried so far, that Parents instruct their Daughters how to manage their Gallants, to gain them for Husbands. Though much against my Inclination, I will allow it Lawful to wink at a Daughter when she is Courted by one who will make a fit Husband for her. Yet the manner of this convenience ought to be such, that I look upon it as impossible to manage it right. Let every one in this case, consult his Honour.  
To this place belongs what we call Marrying by stealth, and without the Parents consent. This may happen two Ways, actively, or passively; actively, when the Son Marries, passively when the Daughter. I would advise a Man whose Son Marries well, but without the consent of the Wives Parents, to bear with it, underhand to assist them, and not to seem openly to countenance or disavow that Action of his Son. In this case I would advise a Man for a while to withdraw, or retire into the Country, which is a good expedient to conceal his Joy or Grief, when it is not fit to make either public. And if this be done before the thing is known, it is the better. I would advise the Man whose Daughter is Married without his consent, provided the Match be not scandalous, to go to her, and overcome his Anger for her Disobedience; which in many Men is rather Rage and Obstinacy, than true Concern. This perverseness between the Parents of those so Married, breeds Enmity, Strife Quarrels, Slanders, Reflections and Scandal; they rip up Pedigrees, discover Secrets, and defame each other; and after laying all their faults open to the World, they become Friends. When Children Mary well, they are in some measure excusable for doing it without their Parents consent, who ought to be consenting to all that is for the Advantage of the Children. In fine, it were well every thing were carried in its proper course; but as the Spanish Proverb says, So the Miracle be wrought, what matter is it if the Devil does it. To Marry ill and against the Parents will too, is the greatest miscarriage, and most generally happens. All the remedy is to make the best of it, for the fault cannot be undone. To prevent this, let Parents endeavour in time to provide for their Children, or at least, if it cannot be done as soon as desired, let the munderstand, Provision is making for them. This Hope will content them.  
There are some Men who only because they will not part with anything they have, but keep their Family together, cannot endure to hear of Marrying their Children; and some Women, who rather than see a Daughter-in-Law dressed up gay by them, or their own Daughter out of their power, and for fear of becoming Grandmothers too, soon refuse good Matches, which often are so nice that once rejected they are not easily found again. Let a discreet Husband and virtuous Wife have a care of this dangerous fault, let them desire that for their Children when they are Parents, they would have desired for themselves at their Age.  
I have stretched this discourse to a great length, and it grows tedious, and I could wish every point I speak to were the last; yet with your leave, I will not break off without one word concerning Fathers and Mothers-in-Law, Sons and Daughters-in-Law, and Brothers and Sisters-in-Law. This is generally an awkward sort of Kindred. I have many times considered and argued with myself, what should be the cause of this discord between them, and can find none but that which the Grand Politician gave upon a different occasion, saying, That obligations were acceptable to great Men, as long as it was in their power to requite them; but when they grew above Recompense, instead of Love, they produced Hatred. I am of Opinion, the Duty between Fathers and Sons-in-Law, and the Love that ought to be between such near Relations as Brother's in-Law is so great, that not being able to pay it, they convert it into Hatred. The Affection that is due among them plainly appears, in that they call one another, Father, Son, and Brother. This sufficiently expresses how great the tye is between them, and yet we daily see how much greater their aversion is.  
A Widow Lady complained of the great Friendship that was between a certain Gentleman and her Son, to whom she thought it not advantageous, and was therefore much disgusted. A Servant came running to ask what she would give him for the good News he brought; and being asked what it was, replied, That my Master is fallen out with such a Gentleman, for he is to Marry his Daughter. Since I did not undertake to give the reason, why it is, I will only endeavour to prescribe a Method to prevent the practice of this abuse. Answer me to this: If a Man with great cost should Build a stately House, spend many Years in perfecting it, employ his time and Estate in making it complete, and after all should make you a Present of this House, and annex a Fortune to it, what would you do? Nay what would the most Ingrateful Man upon Earth do? Would he not respect Love, Cherish, and be observant to that Person? Would he not own himself his Servant, his Debtor, and his perpetual Friend? Does he do less, or does not he deserve more: Who for several Years Breeds up a Daughter, Maintains, Instructs and Accomplishes her, then shares his Fortune with her, and then puts half his Soul, and all this Treasure into a Man's possession, to whom perhaps he owed no obligation.  
I will give you an Instance of a good Father-in-Law, for an Example to others, and this happened in our Country and our time. A Rich Man had Married one Daughter to a Man of Quality, and desired to Marry her Sister to another no way superior to the first. This latter would not Marry the Daughter, unless he had with her five Thousand Crowns more than the former; the Father objected it would be an affront to the first, to give another more than he had received. This Excuse would not take place, but he was forced to condescend, but so generously that the same day the Writings were signed and sealed for the latter, he gave five Thousand Crowns more to the former, saying; He would not have any Body think he valued him less than the other.  
I have not seen, nor heard of a more Gallant, or Generous Action than this. And that it may appear, there are some Sons-in-Law who behave themselves as they ought. I will Relate another passage to that purpose. Not many Years since there was a Person very Rich that had only one Maiden Daughter, who was Heiress to all the Estate, her Mother took a fancy to a Neighbour of hers, a Man of Quality, but of a mean Fortune. She sent him word, she was so taken with him, she had resolved to bestow on him the two dearest things she had, to wit, her Daughter, and her Estate; he answered, It were unreasonable he should at once deprive her of all she had, who loved him so well, and to whom he was so much obliged; that he accepted of the Daughter, upon condition she should give her but half her Fortune.  
I am very sensible, these Examples are very easy to write, but very hard to practise; and it is that I find fault with. In fine, I do my part, proving a good Correspondence between such Relations, is not impossible to be found. A Curse on Interest, which is the chief Cause it does not always prevail; for generally it happens, the Quarrels between Fathers and Sons in-Law are grounded upon what was given, or not given. I look upon Brothers-in-law to be fittest for Companions and Friends, when there is any thing of proportion of Quality and Humours between them; and tho' this be wanting, there ought to be still a fair correspondence. There must be a distinction made, between such as are really Bad, and such as are only Ignorant: Tho' a Brother-in-Law be not an Aristotle, he ought to be admitted, and the more, that others may not impose upon him. But he who is never so wise, and wicked withal, aught to be carefully avoided, if it were only to avoid being thought to have any share in his ill Actions.  
I have heard some Censured, and know not but I have Railed at them myself, who as soon as Married cast off all their old Friends, and are wholly taken up with their Wives Relations. This is no way justifiable; and is most practised by those who are governed by the Wife. A New Married Man always walked between two Brothers-in-Law he had, nor did he ever step aside from them, or they from him; he often passed by one who had been his Friend when a Bachelor, and was very strange to him; he at last resenting it, told him, Sir, I am very sorry your Lady has so little Faith in you, that she will not let you walk the Streets without Keepers.  
It is not fit we quite pass by in silence, a Disturbance caused by that, often happens among Married People, which is Jarrs and Discontents, that become Scandalous between the Wife and Kindred, whether they be her own or her Husbands. This often proceeds from very slight Occasions. women's Revenge being commonly weak, their Complaints are the more, which occasion Mistrust and Animosities, very opposite to the Rules of Decency, and dangerous to the Conscience; for very often, under a pretence of Friendship, is concealed an inveterate Malice. Some Men think it great Prudence to have no hand, nor appear in these Differences. I do not approve of it, because not only the justifying, or correcting a Wives Proceed, belongs to the Husband, as a Superior, but also the Directing and Guiding of them, belongs to him chief in matter of Friendship and Enmity; as the Subjects making Peace or War, appertains to the King. In Cases of small Importance, which are the most common, I would allow some Connivance; the Reason is, when an Arm or Leg is broke or dislocated, it is absolutely necessary to have recourse to the Chirurgeon or Bonesetter; but, when it is only some Sore in the Flesh, it is better let it alone, it will heal itself, and perhaps, the more is applied to it, the worse it grows. When the Differences between the Wife and her Relations run high, and are in danger of being noised abroad, and giving Scandal, than the Husband is obliged to interpose, and reconcile all. The best way to compass this, is to Treat with the Husband of that Kinswoman, if she is Married, Whether she gave, or received the Provocation: it is good to Reconcile and make them Friends, tho' to compass it, a Man were obliged to tell each of them a Lie, saying, It is the desire of the other; which, to them is a great Satisfaction. Some Women, and not a few, are Obstinate, and in these Cases, will not yield the least Point: However, the Husbands are obliged to bring them to what is reasonable, and persuade them, it is fit they take their Advice, upon whom it lies, to look to their Honour and Reputation. Yet, if all his Care and Industry should fail of Success, I would not advise a Man to fall out with his Wife, because she is at Variance with another.  
In fine, Sir, when I began to write to you, my Design was not to exceed the Bounds of a Letter, and I have run on to a Volume. I am naturally apt to be particular, and tedious: Melancholy and Solitude, which stir up Thought, have made me take in so great a Compass, that it might contain all Cases, and all Rules. I pray God we have not laboured in vain; which would come to pass, if you having heard, and I said much, neither of us should reap any Advantage of it. I will conclude with those general Heads, which in my Opinion make up the Grandeur of a House, which shall be an Epitome of much that might be said, in relation to each Point.  
I am sensible, when I shall be read by some Married People, and particularly by those that are about being such, they will judge this Way, through which I pretend to lead them to Quiet and Ease, very terrible. For they will say, it is so covered with the Thorns of Precaution and Circumspection, that the Theory is difficult, and much more the Practice of it. To this I Answer, that this Letter may be compared to the Sea-Carts, which are so full of Lines, that those who do not understand them, think it impossible ever to unravel that Confusion: and yet it is not so; for most of those Lines are the same; the Principal not being above Four, which are so often multiplied and repeated, to make the Use of the Cart the easier. Whosoever considers this variety of Counsels, will find them so like, and to have such connexion and dependence one upon another, that he will not think they are many, but one continued. And because we see a Line that is made of a few Threads, if hard drawn, is easily broke; therefore it is requisite to compose of many Counsels and Rules this Line, on which hangs the Life, Honour, and Salvation of Married People, that the force of Vice may not break it. And again, because it always breaks in the weakest Place, and this is natural to the Women, therefore it is necessary so to strengthen her with Industry and Art, that tho' opportunity should draw never so hard, she may still remain Whole and Entire.  
But if after all, this Doctrine should be judged by the Women too Rigid and Austere, I do assure them, I designed it not so, but rather to direct all things for their Satisfaction, Service, and Reputation. That this may more manifestly appear, let any desire me to write a Letter of Instructions for the Married Women, and they shall see what I say in their behalf, if they are not satisfied with what I have said to the Husbands.  
Sir, A clean House, a neat Table, decent Diet, Attendance without Noise, good Servants, One to direct them, Wages duly paid, a Coach upon occasion, a fat Horse, much Silver, less Gold, some Jewels, as much Money as may be, all Utensils, store of Furniture, the best of Pictures, some Books, a few Arms, a House of your own, a little Countryhouse, Prayers at Home, much Alms, few Neighbours, Children not pampered, good Order in all things, a Virtuous Wife, and a Christianlike Husband, make Life pleasant, and Death happy.  
D. Francisco Manuel.   

A LETTER Written by D. Antonio de Guevara, Bishop of MONDOÑEDO, PREACHER, HISTORIOGRAPHER, And of the COUNCIL to the Emperor Charles V To Mosen Puche of Valencia, touching the Behaviour of a Man towards his Wife, and a Woman towards her Husband.  
Young, and New Married Gentleman,  
AT this Distance I give Joy, and Congratulate Mosen Puche Marrying D. Marina Gralla, and D. Marina Gralla being Married to Mosen Puche, and pray to God they may enjoy one another many Years. Mosen Puche marrying a Wife of Fifteen Years of Age, and D. Marina Gralla a Husband of Seventeen, if I am not deceived; they are like to have time enough to enjoy, and even to lament their Marriage. Solon advised the Athenians not to Marry, till they were Twenty Years of Age. The good Lycurgus ordered the Lacedæmonians not to Wed, till Twenty five. The Philosopher Prometheus, forbade the Egyptians taking Wives before Thirty; and in case any presumed to Marry sooner, he commanded they should be publicly Punished, and their Children reputed Illegitimate. Were Mosen Puche and D. Marina Gralla Egyptians, as they are of Valencia, they would not escape being punished, and their Children disinherited. The Kindness I received from your Mother, and the Love I bore your Father, when I was Inquisitor at Valencia, move me to compassionate your being Married so Young, and your taking so great a Burden upon you; for it is now too late for you, to cast off the heavy Yoke of Matrimony, and you are not of Age to bear it. If your Father Married you, he treated you Barbarously; and if you Married without his leave, you are guilty of a great Weakness: for it is a rashness in a Youth of Seventeen, and a Girl of Fifteen, to presume to set up House; and it is want of Sense in others, to be consenting to it. The poor Young Couple are not sensible how heavy a Yoke they take upon them, nor how much Liberty they deprive themselves of. Let us see what Qualifications are requisite in the Wife, and what in the Husband, to make them happy; and if they are to be found in Mosen Puche and D. Marina Gralla, I do henceforth approve their Marriage, and own I know not what I say. The Properties of a good Wife are, That she carry herself with Gravity Abroad, have Wisdom to govern her House, Patience to bear with her Husband, Tenderness to breed her Children, Courtesy to deal with her Neighbours, Industry to manage her Expense, that she have much regard to her Honour, love good Company, and be an Enemy to all Youthful Follies. The Properties of a good Husband are, That he be sober in Speaking, easy in Discourse, faithful where he is Entrusted, discreet in giving Counsel, careful of providing his House, diligent in looking after his Estate, prudent in bearing the Importunities of his Wife, zealous of the Education of his Children, vigilant in what relates to his Honour, and very stayed in all his Behaviour. Let me ask now, Whether we shall find all these Qualifications in Mosen Puche at Seventeen, and D. Marina Gralla at Fifteen years of Age, or whether ever they so much as thought of them? It is much to be feared, that such a Young Couple neither understand these nice Points when told them, nor know where to be informed, when they find themselves defective. Well, I do avouch and prophecy, That if Mosen Puche now at Seventeen, and D. Marina Gralla at Fifteen Years of Age, will not first learn, and having learned, observe all these Conditions; they will in a little time, lie down under their Burden of Matrimony, or each of them will seek out a new Love. I do not believe it any thing so dangerous, for a Man to take upon him the Habit of a Religious Order, as for a Youth to Marry; for the one has time, and may leave it; and the other has not liberty to repent. Of how pernicious consequence it is, for Seventeen and Fifteen Years of Age to Marry, can be better related by Mosen Puche and D. Marina Gralla, then written by me; for whatsoever I shall say, is but by Guess, and they can speak by Experience. The Inconveniences of Marrying too Young are many and great, they are broke by Childbearing, lose their Strength, are over-burdened with Children, ruin their Fortune, grow Jealous, have not a right sense of Honour, know not how to provide for their Family, grow weary of their first Love, and fix their Thoughts elsewhere; so that the Fruit of Wedding, when Children is, that they live Unhappily, or part in their old Age. The Divine Plato advised those of his Commonwealth, to Marry their Children at such an Age, that they might judge of what they chose, and understand what they took upon them. This is a weighty Sentence of Plato; for it is an easy thing for any body to choose a Husband or Wife, but it is very hard to govern a Family. I have not been Married, nor ever had any Temptation that way; but by what I have seen by my Relations, by what I have read in Books, by what I have guessed among my Neighbours, and by what I have heard from my Friends, I find that those who happen to Marry well, enjoy a Heaven upon Earth, and those who speed ill, make their House a mere Hell. What Man ever yet met with so accomplished a Wife, that he miss not some Perfection in her? What Woman chose, or light upon so polished a Man, that she discovered not some Blemish in him? There is scarce any Wedding, but at first is pleasant and agreeable, but in a little time there is nothing more nauseous, and it is infallible, that as soon as the Money grows short, Discontents arise. O unhappy Husband! for if your Wife be of high Birth, you must bear with her Extravagancies: If she be Discreet and Meek, you had nothing with her: If she be Rich, you are ashamed to own her Kindred: If Beautiful, you are never secure of her: If Deformed, you are soon weary of her House, and shun her Bed: If she is Prudent and Witty, you complain, she is Dainty, and a Rambler: If she is Neat and a great Housekeeper, on the other side, she is so ill Natured no Servant can endure her: If you are proud, that she is Virtuous and Retired, you hate her for being Jealous. What more shall I say to you, unfortunate Husband? and yet I must say more; That if you keep your Wife at home, she is eternally Complaining; if she has liberty to gadd, she is subject to every body's Censure; if you chide often, she is always out of Humour; and if you give her her way, there is no living with her. If she has the command of the Purse, woe be to your Estate; and if you keep it in your own hands, she'll either pick your Pocket, or sell your Goods. If you are always at home, she thinks you are Jealous; and if you come late, she says, you are Debauched. If you allow her good , she will go abroad to be seen; and if you Cloth her ill, she makes your Meals uneasy. If you are Fond of her, she undervalues you; and if you are any thing Cold, she suspects you love elsewhere. If you do not tell her what she asks, she never ceases importuning; and if you reveal a Secret to her, she cannot keep it. Behold here the reason; why, if there be Ten contented Couples in a Town, there are an Hundred that repent, and are weary of their Lives, who would instantly be Divorced from their Wives, if the Church were as free to allow it as their Consciences. If Matrimony among Christians were used as among the Gentiles, that every one when he pleased, might be Divorced, I will answer for it, There would be more Business in Lent to Unmarry, than there is at Shrovetide to Marry.  

That none should Marry, but with their Equals.  
The Rules I design to prescribe here, for those who are about Marrying, or Married, if they are not so successful as to make them live contentedly, will at least serve to prevent many Distastes. In the first place, it is very wholesome Advice, That the Man choose such a Wife, and the Woman such a Husband, as does not exceed them in Birth or Fortune; that is, that Gentry match among Gentry, Merchants among Merchants, the Yeomanry among Yeomanry, and Farmers among Farmers: for if there be any Inequality, the Inferior will be dissatisfied, and the Superior weary of his Life. I do avouch, that the Merchant who Marries his Daughter to a Man of Quality, and the Farmer who contracts his Alliance with a Gentleman, do bring into their House one that will publish their Shame, devour their Fortune, take away their good Name, and shorten their Life. It is an unhappy Marriage, when a Man or Woman is ashamed to call their Father-in-Law Father, and the Mother-in-Law Madam. In this case, I say, a Man does not receive a Son-in-Law but a Plague, not a Daughter-in-Law but a Viper, not Children but Adders, not Kindred to respect, but to affront them, not Relations to honour, but defame them. In fine, I say a Man had better Bury his Daughter, than not Marry her to his Equal; for if she were Dead, he would lament her a Day, but being ill Married, he has cause to bewail her every day. The rich Merchant, the poor Yeoman, the wise Farmer, and the mean Tradesman, have no need of Daughters-in-Law that know how to Dress themselves, but that have learned to Spin; for whensoever they take State upon them, and begin to knot Fringes, the House runs to confusion, and the Estate to ruin. Again, I say, these sorts of People must be very cautious, how they take a Son-in-Law that values himself much upon his Gentility, that is proud of his Horsemanship, that affects being a great Courtier, that can do nothing but walk about, that understands Cards and Dice; for in this case, the poor Father-in-Law must pinch, to support the Extravagancies of his Son-in-Law. To conclude, let me advise every one to Marry their Equal, or before a Year come about, he that makes a foolish Match, will be sensible of its pernicious Consequences. It is also convenient, that every one choose a Wife agreeable to his Fancy and Humour; for if the Father marries his Son, or he does it himself, for conveniency, and not for love, the unhappy Youth cannot properly say, he is Married, but for ever Enslaved. To the end that Marriages may be lasting, loving, and pleasing, the Hearts ought to be united before the Hands are joined. It is fit the Father advise the Son to Marry where he likes; but let him have a care of using any Violence, for all forced Matches breed Dislike between the Young Ones, Differences between the Fathers, Scandal among the Neighbours, Quarrels among the Relations, and Disputes among the Brothers. I do not pretend to justify a wild Youth marrying rashly and in private; for Marriages that begin in inconsiderate Love alone, often end in Discord. There is nothing more frequently to be seen, than a very Young Man who has his full liberty, and knows not what he loves or chooses, to fall in love with, and Mary a Young Woman; but no sooner has he satisfied his Appetite, than he gins to hate her. Nothing is so much to be endeavoured between Married People, as that they love and esteem one another, else they will always be Discontented, and their Neighbours will have enough to do to keep the Peace between them. I must also warn them, that to the end their Love be lasting, sincere and secure, it must take root in the Heart by degrees; for if it take possession furiously all at once, it will soon quit the Hold. I have seen many love in great haste, who have afterwards hated one another at leisure. The same Advice I give the Father, not to marry his Son against his Inclination, the same I give the Son not to marry without his Father's Consent; for otherwise, his Father's Curse might do him more harm, than he could expect benefit from the Portion his Father-in-Law gives him. Young Men in the heat of Youth, have only regard to their Pleasure when they Marry, and therefore are satisfied if the Wife be Beautiful; but the Father and Mother whose Honour and Estate lie at stake, seek a Woman that is Discreet, Rich, well Tempered, Modest, and of a good Family; the last thing they look upon is Beauty. Clandestine and private Weddings proceed from Indiscretion and Disrespect; for they give the Neighbour's occasion to censure, and the Old Parents to lament. It often happens, that after the Mother has slaved herself to fix a House, and the Father laboured to make a Settlement, when they are Treating of some honourable Match, they find the wild Youth Married: Thus the Mother is afflicted, the Father shamed, the Kindred disappointed, and the Friends scandalised. Sometimes the Misfortune is yet greater, when the Son has taken such a Wife, that the Father thinks his Estate ill bestowed upon her, and is ashamed to receive her into his House. There is another Mischief often attends such Marriages, which is, That Parents upon occasion, propose with the Son's Portion to Match a Daughter, and the Young Man's design being only to enjoy the Woman, and not look after a Fortune, the Sister is ruined, the Son is cheated, and the Father disappointed. Plutarch in his Politics says, The Grecians used publicly to whip the Son that Married without his Father's Consent, and that the Lacedæmonians disinherited him. Laertius says, That among the Thebans they were not only Disinherited, but publicly Cursed by their Parents. Let none slight the Blessing or Curse of their Elders; for among the Hebrews, the Father's Blessing was far more esteemed than the Inheritance.   

That a Wife must be very Modest, and not lavish of her Tongue.  
It is wholesome and necessary Advice, That a Man who is upon Marrying, choose a very modest Woman; for, if there were only one Virtue requisite in a Woman, it must be Modesty. I confess, it is worse for the Conscience, but affirm, it is much better for a Man's Honour, that a Wife be privately Dishonest, than openly Impudent. Modesty hides many Crimes in a Woman, and Impudence makes her be suspected of more than she is really guilty of. Let every Man think what he pleaseth; but I am satisfied, there is little to find fault with in a Modest Woman, and nothing to commend in one that is Impudent. The Arms that Nature furnished a Woman with, to secure her Reputation, Chastity, Honour and Fortune, are only her Modesty; and whensoever she parts with that, she has lost all. When a Man is about Marrying, the first thing he ought to inquire into, is not Whether she is Rich, but whether she is Modest? for a Fortune may be made, but an Impudent Woman will never become Modest. The best Portion, the best Estate, and the richest Jewel a Woman can bestow oh her Husband, is Modesty; and if a Father sees his Daughter has lost it, it were a less trouble to Bury, than Mary her. The best on't is, that some Women pretend to be Wits, to Repartee, to break Jests, and Banter; this I would not have them learn, much less practise: for that which in a Man is good Humour, in a Woman is Lightness. A Virtuous Woman should not only be ashamed of speaking light and undecent Words, but of hearing them. A sober Woman must not value herself upon being Witty, and having a smooth Tongue, but upon being Modest and Silent; for if she is proud of Talking and Jesting, the same Men who laugh at her Jest, will presently condemn her Carriage. Woman's Reputation is so nice, it is not lawful for them to think of many things that Men may act and say. Ladies that would keep up a respect, must not only have a care of uttering unlawful and undecent Things, but even those that are allowable, unless very necessary; for a Woman never does ill in being Silent, and seldom does well in Talking. Unhappy that Husband, who has a talkative, prating and bold Wife; for if once she sets upon telling a Story, or framing a Complaint, no Reason will be heard, nor no Persuasion will stop her Mouth. The uneasy life some Women lead with their Husbands, is not so often caused by what they Act, as what they say. If when the Huband chides, the Wife would be Silent, their Meals would not for the most part be unquiet; but on the contrary, if he gins to Mutter, she Scolds, which sometimes draws on Blows, and exposes them to their Neighbours.   

That a Wife must keep House, and not expose herself.  
It is wholesome Advice, that a Woman be reserved, and value herself upon being a great Housekeeper; for when a Woman becomes too absolute at Home, she is soon after dissolute Abroad. A Virtuous Woman must be very cautious in what she says, and circumspect in all she does; for being careless of what they say, often makes them heedless of what they do. There is none so ignorant, but understands how much more nice the Honour of a Woman is, than that of a Man; which is demonstrable, in that a Man cannot be dishonoured but by Reason, but the Opportunity is enough to defame a Woman. The Woman that is Virtuous, and values herself upon it, may be assured, she will be so much the more Virtuous, by how much the less she confides in herself; I mean, by how much the less she dares venture to give ear to idle Words, and admit feigned Offers. Be she who she will, be she never so great, and never so conceited, if she affects to be Courted and loves to be Complimented, sooner or later she will fall into the Snare. If they say, all that is only to pass the time, for Diversion, and in Jest; I answer, That such Jests commonly light heavy upon them. I do again and again, conjure any Woman of what Quality or Degree soever, That she trust not herself, or be too familiar with any Kinsman or Relation; for if she fears what may happen by too much Freedom with a Stranger, she ought to dread what may be said of her with a Kinsman or Relation. Let none rely upon the nearness of the Kindred, and think that takes off all Scandal; for if the Malice of Man dare presume to judge of Thoughts, how much more will it of what is visible? I would have those Ladies who shall hear or read this Letter, observe this point, which is, That for a Man it is enough that he be good, tho' he appear not such; but it is not enough for a Woman to be good, unless she appear so. Observe, and observe well, That as the Sustenance of the Family depends on the Husband, so the Honour of it depends on the Wife only; for a House has only so much Honour, as the Wife has Virtue. She is not an honest Woman who has a beautiful Face, a fine Shape, is of great Birth, and manages her Fortune; but she who is very modest in her Behaviour, and very sparing of her Tongue. Plutarch writes, That the Wife of Thucydides the Grecian, being asked how she could endure her Husbands Stinking Breath? answered, She thought all men's Breath had smelled so, because no other but He ever came near her, O Example! worthy to be known, and much worthy to be imitated. That Noble Grecian teaches us, That a virtuous Woman must be so reserved, that no Man may come near enough for her to smell his Breath, or for him to touch her Garment.   

That a Wife must not be Haughty, nor High Spirited.  
It is also wholesome Advice, That a Woman be not High-spirited, nor Ambitious, but rather Meek and Patiented; for there are two things most prejudicial to the Female Sex, too much Tongue, and too little Patience: hence it follows, That she who is Silent will be respected by all Men, and she who is Submissive will live happily with her Husband. O how miserable is the Man that marries a High-spirited Woman! for Mount Aetna does not cast out so much Fire, as she spits Venom out of her Mouth. The High-spirit of a Woman is much more to be dreaded than the Anger of a Man; for a Man in his Passion chides, but the Woman in her Fury chides and bites. A discreet Man and a modest Woman, must never oppose a Woman in her Fury; for when her Passion is inflamed, and her Shame laid aside, she will not only say what she has seen and heard, but even what she dreamt. It is a pleasure to me, to see a Woman when she is Enraged and in her Fury, how she neither hears herself, nor understands others, nor admits of any Excuse, nor will give ear to a Word, nor take Counsel, nor hearken to Reason; and the best of all is, that she often leaves them she was quarrelling with, to fall upon those that came to pacify her. When a Woman quarrels with any body, and another comes to appease her, she is so far from being thankful, that she will make it a cause of Complaint, and say, that had he or she been what she took them for, they would have taken her part, and revenged her. A Woman that is naturally Furious, never thinks she is angry without Cause, or chides without Reason; and therefore, it is much better to take no notice of, than contradict her. I repeat it over again, That it is unhappy where the Mistress is given to Strife; for she is always in a readiness to chide, but never to know herself. A High-spirited Woman is very dangerous; for she enrages her Husband, scandalises her Relations, is ill beloved by her Kindred, and the Neighbours fly from her: whence it follows, that sometimes the Husband forgets himself, and lays the weight of his hands upon her. In some measure it is pleasant, to hear a passionate Woman scold, but it is also terrible to reflect upon what Expressions she will utter; for if she has to do with a multitude, she will not want a Litany of Reproaches. She tells the Husband, he is Negligent; the Men, that they are Lazy; the Maids, she calls Sluts; the Sons, she says, are Greedy; the Daughters love Gadding, the Friends are Ingrateful, the Enemies are Perfidious, the Neighbours are Malicious and Envious; and then concludes, no Man is true to another, or faithful to his Wife. I am a Liar, if I did not see an honest Couple part, only because the unfortunate Man sometimes was melancholy at Table, and sighed in Bed: The Wife said, he meditated some mischief to her at Table, and sighed for some other Woman in Bed; and the truth was, the poor Man was Security for another in a desperate Case, and could not enjoy himself. At length, after much preaching, entreating and chiding, I could never reconcile them, till he took an Oath before me, never more to be sad at Table or sigh in Bed. The Woman that is Meek and Peaceable, will be happy with her Husband, well attended by her Servants, respected by her Neighbours, and honoured by her Relations; if otherwise, she may be assured, all will fly her House, and bless themselves at her Tongue. When a Woman is Haughry and Furious, it is no satisfaction to the Husband tho' she be Nobly descended, Beautiful, Rich, and a good Housewife; he rather curses the Day on which he Married, and damns him that first mentioned her to him.   

That the Husband is not to be too Severe, especially when newly Married.  
It is also wholesome Advice, That the Husband carry not himself haughty and uneasily towards his Wife; for there will never be any Peace among them, if the Wife does not learn to be Silent, and the Husband cannot be Patient. I dare boldly say, and almost swear, it is rather a House of Mad than Married People, in which the Husband wants Discretion and the Wife Patience; for such a Couple must either part, or come to Blows. Women are naturally weak and easy, therefore a Man ought to bear with their Faults, and conceal their Infirmities, in such manner they must soothe an hundred times, to one that they by't. If the Man is to be pitied who has a haughty humoured Wife, much more the Woman who has a stern Husband; for some of them are so Outrageous and Passionate, that no Woman can have Art enough to please them, nor Patience enough to endure them. It is impossible, but there must be some Distastes between a Man and his Wife, either upon account of the Children or Servants, or for want of Money; then is the time for a Man to show his Wisdom, when the Wife is Angry, either passing it off with a Jest, or taking no Notice. If a Man were obliged to answer, and satisfy all Points, whereat a Wife is concerned, and whereof she complaineth, there is no doubt, he will need the strength of Samson and the Wisdom of Solomon. Observe, O Husband! what I say to you, either you have a discreet or a mad Wife: If you have a mad Wife, it is to no purpose to admonish her; and if you have a wise Wife, one angry Word is enough; for you may be assured, if a Woman does not mend upon Warning, she will never be the better for Threatening. When a Woman is in the height of her Passion, she must be born with; and when her Anger is abated, she is to be checked: for if once she forgets the Respect is due to her Husband, there will be nothing but Noise and Confusion between them. A discreet Man and good Husband, must rather manage his Wife with Art, than downright Force and Violence; for the Nature of Woman is such, that tho' she have been Thirty years Married, he will still find out something new in her to correct, or endure. It is also worth observing, that if a Man at all times ought to avoid having any Disgusts with his Wife, it ought to be much more when they are newly Married, for, if at first the Woman takes an Aversion to him, she will scarce ever love him after. A discreet Husband at first, must soothe, cherish, and by all means, strive to gain the love of his Wife: for if they love at first, all their Quarrels afterwards will be the effect of sudden Passion, not premeditate Malice. Love and Hatred are mortal Enemies; which soever first takes possession of the Heart, makes his abode there for Life; so that the first love may be removed, but never forgot. If when first Married, a Woman gins to hate her Husband, I engage she'll have a miserable Life, and he a weary Youth, and disconsolate Old Age; for though he may make himself be feared, he shall never prevail to be beloved. Many Husbands value themselves upon being feared, and waited on in their Houses; I rather pity than envy them: for the Woman that leads an uneasy Life, fears and attends her Husband; but she that is contented, loves, and pleases him. The Wife must do any thing to be in her Husband's favour, and the Husband must be cautious how he incurs the displeasure of his Wife; for if she resolves to love another, he shall enjoy her in despite of her Husband. For, so tedious a Journey, and troublesome a Life as Matrimony, it is not enough the Husband robs the Wife of her Virginity, it is requisite he purchase her Affection: for it is not enough that they are Married, unless they be happy in each other, and live very contentedly. If a Husband is not beloved by his Wife, his Estate is not safe, his House is uneasy, his Honour in danger, and even his Life not secure; for it is to be believed, she will not wish him to live long, with whom her Life is Unhappy.   

That Husbands must not be over-Jealous.  
It is also wholesome Advice, that Husbands have a care of being suspicious of their Neighbours and extremely Jealous of their Wives; for there are only two sorts of People very subject to Jealousy; to wit, those who are very ill-natured, and those who in their Youth were very debauched. These believe, that whatsoever they did with other men's Wives, their Wives will do with other Men; and it is Folly to think, and Madness to say so; for though some Women be lewd, there are others very virtuous. To say all Women are good, is too much partiality, and to say they are all bad, is extravagant; it is enough to say, that among Men there is much to condemn, and among Women much to commend. I do not deny but that an easy and lose Woman must not only be checked, but also be deprived of opportunities of doing ill; yet it is to be supposed she must not on pretence of security be so immured, and ill treated, as to make her desperate. It can not be denied, that there are some Women so perverse and lewd, that they are not to be reclaimed by Fear, nor mended by Punishment, but rather seem born only to be a Plague to their Husbands, and a Scandal to their Relations. On the other side, there are very many Women so sweetly tempered, and so chaste, that they seem created for the Honour of their Country and Glory of their Kindred. I cannot but say over again, It is not amiss sometimes to keep a Wife within, to look to her, and debar her any company that is suspicious; but this must be done with such Art that still more confidence may appear to be reposed in her goodness, than in all his own Precautions. I commend Men for being Cautious, but do no way approve of their being Jealous, for naturally Women covet nothing so much, as what is most forbidden them. If the Husband suspects his Wife, he must use Art, and not betray himself by Words; for if a Woman once finds she is wronged and mistrusted, she will find out way to verify the Suspicion, not so much out of any Inclination to vice, as the desire of revenge. The Strength of Samson, the Knowledge of Homer, the Prudence of Augustus, the Cunning of Pyrrhus, the Patience of Job, the Subtlety of Hannibal and the Watchfulness of Hermogenes are not sufficient to govern and entirely subdue a Woman; for there is no skill or force in the World can make her good, against her William. It is not prudence in a Man to reveal, or presently to correct the Frailties and Failings of his Wife; some he must Check, some he must Chastise, some he must Correct some he must Prevent, and the most he must Wink at. Though a Woman be never so discreet and patiented, there are two things she hates to hear, and is never able to endure; which are, to be esteemed unchaste, or ugly; for though she be lewd, she would be thought virtuous, and though ugly, desires to be counted Beautiful. To conclude, when the Husband is satisfied as to all Points, that is, that his Wife does not expose her Person, that she does not defile his good Name, and that she does not destroy his Estate, than I am of Opinion he must not discover any marks of Jealousy or Suspicion; for a Woman's Obligation to be virtuous is the greater, when a Husband reposes much confidence in her.   

That if there be any Differences between Married People, they must not let the Neighbours understand it.  
It is also wholesome Advice, That Married People behave themselves in such manner, when Differences shall arise among them, that no knowledge thereof may reach their Neighbours; for if the love them not, they will be pleased therewith; and if they Love them, they will have something to censure. Some Men have so little Consideration, and some Women so little Patience, that the former can not Chide without loud Scolding, nor the latter Answer without Shrieking, so that their Neighbours have enough to do to Pacify them all the Week, and hear their Complaints on Sunday. The Husband complains his Wife is so High spirited, the Devil can not bear with her. He complains, she is mistrustful and jealous to such a degree, he can not live with her. He complains she is passionate and soul-mouthed, and is always abusing him. He complains, she is weakly, ugly, and sickly, and that all he has is spent in looking after her. He complains, she is nice, dainty and lazy, and never rises till Noon. He complains, she is nasty, a slattern, and heedless, and that she can not so much as lay by, much less keep what belongs to the House. He complains, she is a Gadder, a Gossip, and Rambler, and that if once she gets out of Doors, she never returns till the Stars appear. On the other side, the poor Women wanting power to be revenged, make use of their Tongues to complain. The Woman complains, that her Husband is Dull, Sullen, and Melancholy, and so ill Natured, the Neighbours can't abide, nor the Servants endure him. She complains, he is Passionate, Proud and Impatient, and that many times in his Fury, he beats the Servants, and sometimes unrigs her. She complains, he upbraids her of being ugly, nasty, and ill-bred, and that sometimes he casts so many Reproaches on her, her Heart is ready to burst, and she cries her Eyes out. She complains, he will not allow her to go see her Parents, and visit her Relations, that merely through Jealousy, he will not let her go out of doors, and sends her to Church, when it is half done. She complains, he is Mistrustful, and Jealous without sense or reason, and therefore will not allow her to come near the Door, nor look out at the Window, nor wear her , nor dress her Head, nor speak a word to any body, but that she must be watched like a Maid, and shut up like a Nun. She complains, he believes nothing she says, nor is pleased with any thing she does; for when he is angry, he contradicts every body, and throws about whatsoever is next at hand. She complains, there is no Married Woman but he Courts, no Widow but he follows, no single Woman but he Gallants, and no young Wench but he makes much of; and that he only keeps her (unhappy Woman as she is) to nurse his Children, provide his Meat, and look to his House. She complains, he is not satisfied to carry the Corn, Bacon, Butter, Oil and Cheese, out of the House to give to his Mistresses, but steals what she works, to present them. She complains, he is a common Bubble and Gamester, and that not satisfied to play away his Fortune and all he gets, he loses the Movables of the House, and her Jewels. She complains, he often comes home in such a Rage, so furious and possessed by the Devil, that no body is able to endure him; for he whips the Children, scolds with the Maids, beats the Men, and sometimes combs her Head. These, and the like Complaints the Man makes of his Wife, and the Woman of her Husband; and I think it is a great Indiscretion in the Man, and Weakness in the Woman, to reveal such things to those who cannot remedy, and ought not to know them: I say, it is Weakness and Indiscretion; for they will not show any body what is in their Trunks, and yet discover that which lies in their Hearts. It is no harm for one Friend to show another, his Stock or his Treasure; but it is very inconvenient to disclose what we love, what we esteem, and what we  on, which ought not only to be kept, but hid and concealed. The Love or Hatred that lie in the Heart, ought not only to be shut, but sealed up. What more can I do for the Person I love, if I discover the Secrets of my Heart to every body? To him alone who hearty loves us, and whom we hearty love, must we disclose what lies in the Heart. Our Sufferings and Misfortunes ought not to be made known, but to those that will help us to redress them, and will bear a part in lamenting them with us; for the compassionate Sorrow of a Friend, eases an afflicted Heart. If this be true, as really it is, to what end does a Man complain of his Wife, and the Wife of the Husband, to them they know cannot help, but will rather scoff and jeer at them? If the Husband commits an Extravagancy, or the Wife is guilty of some Failing, it is a sign of little Sense, and much Madness, to tell it to them that knew nothing of it; for it is less harm they should surmise it, than know it from their own Mouths.   

That Husbands be careful to furnish their Houses, with all Things necessary.  
It is also wholesome Advice, That Husbands be very careful in providing for their Houses, in clothing their Wives, breeding their Children, and paying their Servants; for in things that are indifferent, they may be negligent, but must never be heedless or forgetful of what is necessary. It is the Duty of a Husband to get, and the Wives to lay up and save. It is the Duty of the Husband, to go abroad and get his Living, and the Wives, to look to the House. It is the Husband's Duty to provide Money, and the Wives to lay it out providentially. It is the Husband's Duty to deal with all Men, and the Wives to talk to few. It is the Husband's Duty to be prying, and the Wives to be close. It is the Husband's Duty to talk well, and the Wives to be proud of saying little. It is the Husband's Duty to be zealous for his Honour, and the Wives to be very virtuous. It is the Husband's Duty to be very liberal, and the Wives to be saving. It is the Husband's Duty to wear such  as he can afford, and the Wives to be dressed as she ought to be. It is the Husband's Duty to be absolute as Master of all, and the Wives to give an account of all. It is the Husband's Duty to manage all things without-doors, and the Wives to take care of all within. In fine, I say, it is the Husband's Duty to furnish Money, and the Wives to govern the Family. That House in which each does his Duty, may be called a well-governed Monastery; and that where every one draws a different way, is a mere Hell. A Wife ought not to desire of her Husband any thing that is superfluous and costly, nor if she does, ought he to grant; but if she asks only what is necessary, he is obliged not to deny: for a Man must engage even his Honour and Reputation, to furnish his Wife, himself and Family. The Husband who does not give his Wife a Petticoat, nor a Gown, nor Shoes, nor Linen, nor a Scarf, nor Cloth wherewith to  the Children, or pay the Servants, and yet fees she wants for nothing, but is plentifully supplied; such a Man has more cause to believe, she got it by Rambling, than Sewing. How many Women are debauched, not through Inclination, but because their Husbands do not supply them with Necessaries, and so they redeem their Wants at the expense of their Honour. It is not enough to maintain a House, that a Woman works, toils, and breaks her Rest, unless the Husband takes pains, is vigilant, and labours; otherwise the House will be supplied at the charge of his Honour, and her Person. No Poverty or Want can excuse a Woman, for doing any thing that may be to her Shame, and the discredit of her Family; yet very often the Negligence of the Husband, makes a Woman behave herself saucily towards him, and impudently among others. I know not with what face a Man can check his Wife, if he never opens his Purse to provide for her. The Husband who according to his Quality, maintains his Family, may with Justice and Authority, chide his Wife for her carelessness, and check her Extravagancies; otherwise he must bear with whatsoever she says, not take notice of what he hears, conceal what he suspects, and wink at what he sees.   

That Husbands must not carry suspicious Persons to their Houses.  
It is also wholesome Advice, That Married Men contract Friendship with virtuous People, and shun ill Company; for many live unhappily with their Wives, not through any fault of the Woman, but the Tongues of malicious Men. If the Husband is a Fool, I have nothing to say to him; but if he has sense and discretion, he will take it as an Affront, that any one should presume to speak against his Wife; for the other does not perhaps, see her once a Week, and he has her every night in Bed, every day at Table, and every hour at Home. If the Woman is wild, talkative, lose, a rambler, lewd, imperious and impudent, the Husband is the first that aught to know, and remedy it; if he knows and suffers it, such a senseless Blockhead ought to be left to himself, since he will bear with it. One of the greatest Sins we can commit, is to sow Discord between Man and Wife; for if we discover any Neglect in him, or Weakness in her, we are obliged to inform, but may not accuse them. Husband's are often to blame, for that they easily give credit to their Friends, Neighbours, or Servants, who generally, when they speak ill of a Woman, are moved rather by Malice or Interest, than true Zeal. It is dangerous for the Husband to be familiar with ill Men, in respect of the Scandal that may accrue thereby; for some are so sly and wicked, that they endeavour to become familiar with the Husband, only to gain access to his Wife. It is but reasonable, that Friends, Relations, Neighbours and Acquaintance of the Husband, have a friendly access to his Wife, but not that they be familiar; for Friendship will be preserved at a distance, but Familiarity occasions Designs. I would advise no Man to repose so much confidence in another, that he might truly say, I have the liberty of such a Man's House, I eat, jest, talk, play, and pass away the time with his Wife; for the Lady has a particular Respect for me. I abhor that Friend, who cannot pass his time, but with the Wife of his Friend. All that may be said in this case, is, Such a Man is my Friend, and I am acquainted with his Wife. It is an old Saying, That a Man may show his Wife and his Sword, but not trust any body with them. If any Disgrace happen the Husband, by carrying a Friend to his House, and bringing him acquainted with his Wife, he may thank himself for carrying of him, but not complain of her for falling. Plutarch says, It was established by Law among the Parthians, that Wives should have no other Acquaintance, but such as were their Husband's Friends: so that among those Barbarians, not only the Estate was in common between Married People, but even the choice of Friends. In my opinion, the Wife ought to love her Husband's Friends, and he her Kindred; for, if he will preserve Unity in his House, he must be pleased with his Wife, and esteem her Relations. A Husband must not be so ill-natured, and rude, as not to speak to, and invite his Wife's Kindred, when they come to his House; because it is a great Affront to her, and a sign of ill Breeding in him. Sometimes Women pick Acquaintance, and contract Friendship, that might very well be spared, tho' it be not any way suspicious; and yet they quarrel and fall out with their Husbands about it, which is neither commendable, nor tolerable; for a virtuous Woman will not so far engage in Friendship with any one, as may discompose her with her Husband. No honest Woman may say, This Man is my Friend, but this Man is my Acquaintance: for, a Wife ought to make none her Enemy, and to have no Friend but her Husband. I do not approve of Women being too passionate, or zealous in their Friend's behalf; for sometimes their Husbands to cool their Heat, use violent Courses.   

That a Wife ought to understand all Things, which appertain to House-keeping.  
It is also wholesome Advice, That Married Women should understand all that belongs to the Government of a House, as Baking, Brewing, Dressing of Meat, Cleaning the House, Sewing, and the like; for these things are so absolutely necessary, they can neither live without them themselves, nor much less, ever hope to please their Husbands. Suetonius Tranquillus says, That the Emperor Augustus caused the Princesses his Daughters, to learn all those things wherewith a Woman may maintain herself, or which are commendable in her, insomuch that they Spun and Wove all that they wore. Let a Lady be never so Great, so Noble, or so Rich, a Needle becomes her as well as a Sword does a Gentleman, or the Surplice a Priest. When the Romans upon a Wager, sent from their their Camp to Rome, to know what every Man's Wife was doing, the chaste Lucretia was the most applauded and commended, only because she alone was found Weaving, and all the other Idle. If any one object, that among Persons of Quality, it is an undervaluing, to speak of these inconsiderable things; I answer, a virtuous Woman need not be ashamed of Sewing, or Looking to her House, but of Prating, and being Idle: for the Honour of a Lady does not consist in sitting still, but in being well employed. If Women would work at home, we should not see so many debauched about the Streets; for there is no so mortal Enemy to Chastity, as Idleness. What does that Woman think, that is young, handsome, healthy, free, airy and idle? Her Employment is to think, how she may cast herself away, in such manner that she may deceive the World, believing she is Modest, and she at the same time, enjoy all the Pleasure of a Lose Life. What greater pleasure is there, than to see a Woman rise in the Morning, look about her House, set things in Order, call the Servants, and dress her Children? What greater pleasure, than to see her overlook the Washing, the Brewing, the Baking, the cleaning the House, the dressing the Meat, and after Dinner, sit down to her Work? There is no Husband so mad, but likes his Wife better upon the Saturday, when she sees her House cleaned, than on Sunday, when she is set out in print. I do not like those Women, that can do nothing but go to Bed at one of the Clock, rise at Eleven, eat at Twelve, and talk till Night, and all they know farther, is, how to have a Bed made to Sleep in, and a Room set out to receive Visits; so that they seem Born only to Eat, Sleep, Prate, and be Idle. If you walk all the House about, except the Bed where they lie, and the Room where they converse, you will loathe, and be ashamed of it; you will find it so flatternly and nasty; so that many Ladies, merely for Grandeur, make their House a Hog-flye. To be always Employed, is a great step towards being Virtuous; and on the contrary, a Woman that is Idle, is always studying Mischief. Ladies, believe me, and keep your Daughters always Employed: for I must tell you, if you do not know it, That idle Hours and vain Thoughts, are the Foundation of all Mischief. No more, but I pray God to keep you.  
Granada, May 4. 1524.   
FINIS.