THE Friendly Conference OR, AN HUE and CRY After the POPE'S HOLINESS. Discovering the corrupt Doctrines of the CHURCH, and abominable Practices of the COURT and CLERGY of ROME, To raise themselves to their present Pomp and Grandeur.  
With the several Prodigious Births of the Whore of Babylon: And how she has preferred all her Children.  
In a familiar Dialogue between Theophilus a Protestant, and Juliano lately turned Papist.  
Printed for M. B. in the Year, 1673.   

A HUE AND CRY After the Pope's Holiness, etc.  Juliano. 
YOur Servant Neighbour Theophilus.  Theophilus. 
I am hearty glad to see you Juliano, the rather for that I was lately informed you were dead.  Juliano. 
How? dead! have people talked me into a Ghost? I'll even run to the Prerogative and enter a Caveat myself, lest some Kn●ve or other should take Administration of my Estate. Dead! I protest I know no business I shall have in the other World this fifty years: There's nothing in Nature I hate so much as dying this cold weather, for truly I conceive a Tomb, though made of Marble, and placed in the Chancel, but a damp untoward Lodging; besides it yields no good company, for the men lose their Senses before they come thither; and as soon as the women have been there a while, they all grow flat-nosed.  Theoph. 
I perceive you mind dying but little; but if you fear catching cold in your Grave, you were best charge your Executor to bury you Legally in Flannel: however I doubt you may have more reason to apprehend burning torments, than Cold, for I hear you are dead Spiritually: I mean, Twice dead and plucked up by the roots, as the Apostle Phrases it: That you have forfeited your Discretion, cast your Reason overboard, and abandoned your Religion.  Juliano. 
I hate dissembling, and must own myself a Roman-Catholick.  Theoph. 
Can you hate Dissimulation, and yet own at the same time a Religion that is made up of nothing but Frauds, Cheats, and Delusions: That very Title Roman Catholic, is a Falicy, or at best an Absurdity in Terminis; for since the English, and proper signification of the Word Catholic is no more than general or universal: to join Rome to it, is an insignificant Bull, and as pure nonsense, as to say a particular, Universal, or a general Individual.  Juliano. 
I shall not quarrel with you about words; I am a member of the Church of Rome, that Mother Church where true Religion has flourished ever since it was first planted there, by the Apostles in an uninterupted Succession: that Church to which our Saviour has given Privilege to be the infallible Judge of all Controversies, and promised, the gates of Hell shall never prevail against it  Theoph. 
Alas Sir! you boast of the Casket when the Jewels are gone; The Church of Rome, sailing under the merry gale of Earthly pomp and prosperity, has long since discharged herself of that rich Laden she was fraught with, when she Traded for Souls under the Fathers of the Primitive Ages, there having since been such a succession of Imperious greatness in that Chair, that Rome is more like the proud triumphant Chapel of Antichrist, than the poor militant Church of God.  Juliano. 
The Primary ever the Apostles and Spirit of infabilility was delivered to Peter, and thence conveyed down in his successors Bishops of Rome, so that there could be no such Apostasy as you pretend.  Theoph. 
These parivolous pretences are easily confuted; but not to enter into a tedious Discourse, I shall only ask you this serious Question, since you can cast your eyes upon no story where the villary of Popes is not largely discovered, how can you conceit that the pure Spirit of God should endow with infallibility of judgement, Monsters so visibly debauched? or how can you believe the Holy Ghost, which under the Law forbade all impurity, though in outward Ceremony should now under the brighter light of the Gospel suffer himself to be poured out of one unclean vessel, into another, beginning again with a Conjurer, where he left off with a Sodomite?  Juliano. 
I cannot believe any Popes were ever guilty of such Crimes, or if they were, these are still personal Infirmities.  Theoph. 
But most gross ones in those that blasphemously style themselves Their Holinesses, and impudently boast to the world that they cannot err, nor can deny the truth of their impieties, as to matter of fact without proclaiming your own ignorance in History.  Juliano. 
Truly Sir, you know I am but a Layman, and do not pretend too much Reading.  Theoph. 
The fit to embrace a Religion, whose chiefest support is ignorance: But for your information, I care not if I draw a short Historical Scheme of your Romish Church, that you may see by what means and degrees it first intruded to that Grandeur, with the gaudy Lustre whereof your eyes have been so far dazzled, as to choose a Cloud for Juno, change a Diamond for a Bristol-stone, and forsake the true Spouse of Christ, to wantonise in the embraces of a painted Harlot.  Juliano. 
I am satisfied with my choice, yet care not if I give you the hearing, since you will needs take upon you as a Doctor.  Theoph. 
Thus then, after the piety of some primitive Bishops of Rome, augmented by the flame of that Imperial City had purchased them reputation, so that they got first to be Arch-Bishops, than Patriarches, and at last to the Papal Title (A name 'tis thought derived Quasie pater Patriarcharum) which for Brevity was written Papa.) They soon began to change their piety for promotion, and takeing the advantage of new-kindled zeal, whereby they led Princes and people at pleasure; they had the opportunity to carve themselves almost what power or Riches they list. But as policy can seldom tread long in that narrow path that guides to Heaven, so at last it led them into a World of Impieties, by encroaching under pretence of Religion, upon higher Jurisdiction and power, than could belong to subjects, which they coloured as the Donations of Princes, who had indeed no better Titles to their Crowns than Usurpation on the weakness of the former possessors: And were therefore glad of the Pope's protection, because people out of Ignorance esteemed those most just that were most favoured by the Clergy. Thus a bargain was often driven for mutual assistance between Usurpers and the Pope, who in his approbations diligently laid up their petitions, and his grants to remain as precedents whereby to guide to posterity. The Cloud of Ignorance then covering the World, was a great help to keep their Juggling undiscovered; that little learning extant, was wholly included in Monastic Cells; who took the opportunity to make most Books speak in their favour: which being only a few Manuscripts might easily be effected. Besides the Clergy were kept unmarried on purpose, that being free from all other obligations, they might solely intent the promoting their own Interest, (which they called the power and Immunities of the Church) So that in time by the Indulgence of good, and necessity of wicked and Illegitimate princes, they freed their whole society from the temporal Jurisdiction: And now having purchased Ease, Honour, and Impunity; such as were Poor, Guilty, or Ambitious, Listed themselves of their fellowship, and being for the most part of the best Abilities, soon learned the skill so to work on the consciences of dying people affrighted with their sins, that the Church was left Heir of the best part of Christendom. Nor did they only make use of the profitable errors left them by their forefathers, but brought in new ones of their own contriveing, guilding them with the splendid Titles of things necessary, and of Religious use: Thus Images came to be Idolised, the Cognizance of the Cross made a Tutelary God, looking no higher in their Extremities, and the blessed Saints scandalised with the worship given to them, and their Relics. Thus a fire is kindled in purgatory, only to maintain that in the Pope's Kitchen, confession is devised as a picklock to discover each man's secrets, pardons for all past sins, and Indulgences for never so many to come, are publicly Exposed, and in brief all Religion almost made subservient to their Policies & cursed Avarice; whilst the Monks and all sorts of Friars are daily promoted and armed with Immense privileges, as a strong and faithful Militia in all Countries for the Sea of Rome, yet fed and paid by the respective Princes, that tamely suffer themselves to be enslaved by Popish Tyranny. To conclude most of the things in dispute, which you would Impose on our Church concern, either profit or honour; and were brought in by the subtle Priests long since the primitive times, taking advantage from the Ignorance of preceding Ages, nor can such Papists as are wise conversant in History, and acquainted with the present practice of the Court of Rome, but be souly suspected of Atheism, because conscience can never be persuaded against a convinceing experience.  Juliano. 
Sure you have railed yourself out of breath by this time against the Pope, but I cannot now stand to answer your Invective story particularly, having some occasions that oblige me to take my leave.  Theoph. 
I shall freely dismiss you, only desire you would before you go, favour me with some brief Relation, how you came to be thus seduced, winnow and sift your heart, to find out what threw you into this Abiss. He that falls into the water by breaking through the Ice, must rise where he fell, or he is lost beyond recovery.  Juliano. 
Truly Sir, I came to embrace the Catholic Religion; as it were by accident, being about two Months ago, at my Cousin Esquire Preistridden's after Dinner being very merry; Topeing off three or four dozen Bottles of wine, with two strange Gentlemen, that happened to be there, one of them began by degrees to feel my pulse as to Religion, and did applaud the Romish Church as the only certain true easy and orthodox way, and so far decry the protestant, that I who then had more mind to sleep than dispute, knew not scarce what to answer; and at last the whole Company plying me so hard at once with strong Arguments, and full Glasses, that I seemingly consented; whereupon next day the two Gentlemen (who as I may tell you under the Rose were a couple of dramatic Fathers of t●● society of Jesus) came to my house, and there continued till they had completed my Conversion.  Theoph. 
A most excellent method. These are the Jesuits who compass Land and Sea for a proselyte, and barbarously caused more than a 100000 silly Americans to be murdered, to the disgrace of Christianity, I cannot but admire so many of our English Gentry (in other things very Judicious) should suffer themselves to be rooked, oppressed, enslaved, and often undone by these Egyptian Locusts. I knew a young Gentleman of 2000l. a year, married not above three years ago into a Catholic family, who by their art seduced him to their Religion; whereupon he was continually haunted with such Shoals of these Roman Horseleeches, that preying continually on his means, they soon brought his estate into a Consumption, and his wife dying, wheadled him to bestow the remainder on a College of theirs, & Imure himself for the wretched remainder of his ●ife in a Monastery: thus they bought their Palace at Dulevort, with the vast portion of a ghost-led Maid, who was forced afterwards to Live afflictedly upon their sorry Alms, and repent of her mistaken Charity. Thus their Abbey of Lanspring, they subtly recovered from the Lutherans; so they fooled a doting old Abbot with false Alarms out of England, till he Invested them in their College at Douai, & purchased their sumptuous House at Paris, by a trick no less Impious and fraudulent. In brief, Treason, Rebellion, Fraud, Deceit, and Circumvention have been their continual study, since Loyola hatched them into the world, concerning which I shall only tell you one story; and then refer you to your occasions. Once upon a time, (for so all tales use to beg●n) ●ome was with-child, and she brought forth her eldest Son. The Benedictine Monk, to him as Heir she gave her Lands, she remained free a while, but at last she was with child again, and brought into the Light Twins. The Dominican and the Franciscan Friar: to the first having already bestowed her Lands. she gave certain Houses & Moneys by way of pension: to the other (having now nothing else lest) The Wallet, and set him out of doors a begging: she stood clear again for a considerable time, till at last she was once more Mountain-big, she longed, she groaned, she drew her breath short, and made store of outlandish faces, but in Conclusion gave the World a Lusty Boy, who was no sooner born, out he uttered from nature's backdoor, the Midwife's Lapful, which was interpreted an omen of future good Luck. This was the fiery Jesuit, and his Mother having given away Lands, Houses, Wallet and all, took him up gave him a smart clap on the right Buttock, and said, My Darling, shift for thyself, and so he has done ever since most accurately, to the Destruction of all places where he comes.  Juliano. 
I will be in Debt to you for this story till our next meeting: In the Interim, consider your condition, and remember, that out of the Church there is no Salvation.  Theoph. 
I do consider my own condition and pity yours; remembering the punishment attending them who turn their backs on sacred truths, they have once professed, and make void the Law of God by their vain Traditions.  
FINIS.   

 depiction of a balance containing the bible in one pan and objects representing eccesiastical tradition in the other 
The Bibl●e con●●●●●●g the word of God.  
The D●cr●●● and 〈◊〉 ●●●●●●●i●g M●●● tra●itio●s.