The Full and Whole Proceed of the New High-Court of Justice: OR THE Non-such Commission of the Peace, and Oyer and Terminer, held at the Capital City of the High and Mighty Prince the Eagle, near the Forest of Eppingia, in the famed hollow Oak, being the Guild-Hall of the said City, performed to Morrow, being the 11th of the Greek Kalends of the next Month, 1691. and the First Year before His Majesty's Reign: Designed for the special Preservation of the Peace of Aviarium, or the Kingdom of Birds: With the Trial and Examination of the Two late Notorious Criminals, The Magpie and Blackbird. AT a Grand Match of the Royal Sport of cockfighting in Ragland Fields, in Aviarium, or the Kingdom of Birds, there lately happened a private Quarrel between a Pragmatical, Ambitious, Superstitious Albanian Magpie, and a Fanatical, Covenanting, Seditious Scotian Blackbird: The Contest was for Pre-eminence, but the Controversy being hot and increasing, and like to prove dangerous Effects (the Eagle, King of Birds, not being in the way) it was appointed that the Two Criminals should be Tried by a Non-such Commission, for the safety of the Kingdom, in the hallow Oak formerly called Pretorium servile, midway betwixt the Tripple-Tree, in the Dukedom of High-Holbourn, and the Landgraviate of the Forest of Epingia, being the Eagles Capital City, which was accordingly performed the 11th of the Greek Kalends. The Judges were L. Chief Justice Hawk, Mr. Justice Cuckoo, and Mr. Justice Batt, Two Justices of the Peace for the next Year. There was appointed a Party Jury, half Birds and half Beasts, very fit for the purpose, and most of them having a natural Antipathy against the Two Malefactors. Their Names are, Beast. Mr. Weasel, an English Mr. Reynard Fox, a Scotch Mr. Woolf, a Roman Friend Yea and Nay Racoon, a Pensilvanian Mine Here Water Rat, a Dutch Mr. Monkey, a French Bird. Mr. Raven, a Mongrel Protestant Mr. Peacock, a Canary Mr. Sparrow, a Hedge Mr. Porcupine, a Goal Mr. Water-wag-tail, a Whore's Mr. Kite, a Rapa-Ree The Court being thus orderly set, Silence Commanded, the Prisoners were Arraigned, and their Indictments Read by Tom Tit, Clerk of the Crown: After which, the Parrot, Attorney General, and chief Speaker for the King, opened their Indictment thus: May it please your Lordship, and this Honourable Court: The Two Prisoners at Bar, Sir Roger Magpie, Knight and no Gentleman, and Robert Sterling, alias Blackbird, Esq stand Indicted as false Traitors and grievous Malefactors, contrary to the Peace of our Sovereign Lord the King, have with their Idle Chattering, set our Bills on edge, and made it their Business (in this dangerous Time; wherein the Peace and Tranquillity of the Kingdom hangeth on so slender a Bough) to Sow the Seeds of Sedition, shake the Root of the Royal Oak, wherein the Eagle hath built his Nest, and (by kindling a Spark of Animosity) to set on fire the whole Kingdom of Birds: Therefore, in Name and Authority of our Sovereign Lord the Royal Eagle, I require Justice to be executed on the Prisoners according to utmost extremity of the Law. On this the Lord Chief Justice Hawk began to look grim, and after some sharp and noisome Words and Threats, asked the Prisoners, whether they were Guilty or not. The Magpie, being the Bird in Fashion, began to clear himself first, in indirect terms; telling, That the Black Bird gave him the first Affront and Provocation, by throwing Dirt at his white Feathers, in the Streets of Troynovant, whilst he was taking care for nothing but the Feathering of his Nest, as all Coffee-Polian Birds, could testify. But the Blackbird replied thus: I do acknowledge and testify, That at the time I threw this late Kennel Dirt (which I had wrapped up in a sheet of Paper) at the Lazy Magpie, he and I were good Friends from the Bill out: But the intolerable provocations of some Ambitious Magpyes our Tribe have met with formerly, are still fresh in our Remembrance; and the Feud now is so great, and become so natural, that it is as easy to reconcile Light with Darkness, as to make us good Friends, till they throw by their white Feathers, and give over a great many more of their affected Gestures. But since I gave them the last Affront, they have accused us of Treason against the Line of our Royal King, as being accessary to the twisting off the Head of the best of Eagles, whilst it is known to the Right Honourable Judges, Hawk, Cuckoo, and Bat, that the Actors of that dreadful Tragedy were Storks, D—, and Moles. Mr. Magpie. Your Sect is never at quiet, you are still affronting our Lordships, you are an inferior Crew of Seditious schismatics; you are all Publicans, and cannot live in Peace under any King; you convene privately in Flocks under Hedges, and at a dark and shady Grove, called Coffee-Polian Boriale, where in several Clusters of Tub-Chanters, you Plot nothing but Mischief, and Sow Sedition. Blackbird. These are all Forgeries, the Bench knoweth the contrary, at least those who know the History of the Times, and present State of the Kingdom. But one of your overgrown Magpyes picked up a stately Lapwing with a Piebald Top-Knot near the Sea Coast, and carrying to the Belzebub-Tavern, near the Rooks-Cloyster, by the Western-Gate, got her with Egg of a young Jacobite, but as soon as she began to look big-bellied of a new Plot, he run away and left the Society to look after the Chick: But had not the Egg been Birth-crushed on the Triple Tree, it might have been hatched to a Cockatrice, and brought the whole Kingdom to Confusion. The Magpie began here to Prattle, and clear his Cabal of the Accusation, but the Evidence being a clear demonstration, Judge Cuckoo Commanded Silence; telling, That he might be ashamed to speak in the behalf of so pernicious a Patron; and that the Canonical Cock had turned his back upon the Bantling, and fled to a Desert, and that the Kingdom would look after the young Mag. Blackbird. There are many Magpyes in this Kingdom of Birds, who will not Pray for the Eagle, their just and lawful King; but no Blackbirds are of that Stamp: yet we would gladly smother the Infirmities of the Magpyes, because the greater part of them are truly Honest, Just, and Well-meaning Birds, and were always against joining with the Cormorant, that Bird of Prey, in ruining their Brethren the Blackbirds. Magpie. We should be beholding to your general Charity, were there any thing in it but to wheedle the Court into a belief of your good Nature; whereas you are nothing inferior to any Tribe, in your ill-natured, domineering, and insulting Spirit, for you Stigmatize our Holy Ephod with the name of, The Whore of Babel ' s Smock; our Temple Music you term, Scotch Bagpipes, and Catholic Whistles, etc. these Expressions savour of the Roman Wolf, and the Spirit of Envy. And tho' I acknowledge, that the Blackbirds came over to this Kingdom from Geneva and Heidleburgh, before our Community were well settled, yet the Magpyes, ever since their firm Establishment in England, have been very Loyal, for had the Italian Vulture continued King still, we had been obsequious to his absolute Commands, rather than unfaithful to our Allegiance. Blackbird. 'Tis enough, whoever be King, the Magpyes will still prove Loyal, but in several Respects. Attorney Gen. These Idle Reflections are not the end for which we came hither, and I require, in the King's Name, the Execution of Justice upon these Two Malefactors, for striving to set the whole Kingdom of Birds by the Ears, and so raise a Civil Dissension in the Bowels of the Nation. Mr. Cuckoo. Mr. Attorney you shall. L. Hawk. Have you any thing more to say in your own behalf, Mr. Blackbird? and whether did you give the Lord Magpie the first affront? Blackbird. My Lord I have received one hundred Affronts for one. L. Hawk. But are you the Bird that lately Chattered against a Reverend Magpie. Blackbird. I will not tell you, my Lord, you may find it out. Mr. Batt. Give him his Oath upon it, he is an obstinate Fellow. Blackbird. Beg your Pardon Mr. Batt, I am not bound to Swear, for Nemo tenetur jurare in suam injuriam. L. Hawk. What Country Bird are you? Blackbird. A Scotch Bird. L. Hawk. Few good of that Kind. Is there no Evidence here against him. Attorney Gen. Very little. L. Hawk. Call in the Tropic-bird, he's an Adamite, he's Naked, he hath but one Feather, and that is in his Tail; he's an Innocent Bird, he'll speak Truth. You Tropic-bird, Is the Blackbird Guilty or not? he is, I think. Trop. Bird. By yea and by nay he is. Mr. Batt. Show how he is Guilty. Trop. Bird. How is that, Judge Hawk? Mr. Cuckoo. How can you say, that he is Guilty or not Guilty, unless you know the Crime for which he is Accused? and whether he hath done such things as are laid to his Charge? Mr. Batt. Come, come, give him his Oath. L. Hawk. He's very Honest, he was brought up a Bird of Grace in Pensilvania, at the Feet of Gamaliel. Trop. Bird. I am not willing to Swear: but by Yea and by Nay the Black-Bird ●s Guilty: Hang him, hang him, as you did the Partridge, the other day. L. Hawk. I told you he was a Bird of Grace, he hath not Conscience enough to Swear. Mr. Batt. But, I believe, can Lie damnably. L. Hawk. Come you Members of the Jury, the Blackbird is a very Seditious Bird, go out and consult upon the Evidence, which I think is very plain, therefore you can do no less than find him Guilty; for tho' the Evidence has not Sworn, yet I think his plain, honest, well-meaning Word is better than the Oaths of some hundreds that are unclean Birds Mr. Cuckoo. I think they are both as Guilty as other: The Magpie is no less an Offender than the Black Bird. L. Hawk. The Magpie is an honest good Fellow, but the Blackbird is a sneaking Seditious Son of a Commonwealth—, Hang him, Hang him. Mr. Batt. I think they are both Guilty alike. Mr. Attorney. Mutua Pugna, mutua poenae. Enter Members of the Jury. L. Hawk. Who is Foreman of the Jury? Mr. Rh. Fox. I am, and I think they are both equally Guilty. L. Hawk. Go out again, for the Magpie is a very honest Bird. Exeunt Members of the Jury▪ Mr. Attorney. I do not understand this when Feud and Favour pervert and Eclipses the Statutes of the Law. Cuckoo. No nor I either. Enter Jurors. L. Hawk. Who's Foreman now? Mr. Woolf. I am, and they are both equally Guilty. L. Hawk. So you told me before, go out again, the Black-Bird's a Scotch Knave and great Loon; but Mr. Magpie is an honest downright jolly good Fellow. Exeunt Jurors. Mr. Batt. There's more Law than Justice here. Mr. Cuckoo. Yea, by half. Enter Jurors. L. Hawk. Who's Foreman of the Jury now? Ap Goat. I am, and the Magpie is sound Guilty. L. Hawk. Go out again, and I will serve you as much another time, for the Magpie is a very honest English Bird. Exeunt Jurors. Mr. Batt. I wish I had not been upon the Bench to day. Mr. Attor. What need is there to Plead, when the Judge is determined what to do beforehand. Enter Jurors. L. Hawk. Who's Foreman of the Jury? Mr. Weasel. I am, and the Blackbird is found Guilty. L. Hawk. Thou art an Honest Fellow. Mr. Batt. I think it strange to see a Jury bring in contrary Verdicts in one and the same Information. Mr. Cuckoo. My Lord, you have had your Will thrice, let me have my Will once. You Members of the Jury, go out once more before Sentence be past, choose an honest Foreman, and let him speak what he knoweth to be true and right. Exeunt Jurors. L. Hawk. It shall be as I please, and I will pronounce what Sentence I will. Mr. Batt. My Lord, there is no need to trouble any more, when you are sufficient to be Judge, Jury, Evidence, and the Devil and all. L. Hawk. So I am. Enter Jurors. Who's Foreman now? Mr. Monkey. I am; and to speak without Hypocrisy, both the Magpie and the Blackbird are guilty of Dissimulation and Discition; and, to tell you the Truth, Mr. Blackbird hath stolen too many of my Tricks, and we will go out no more, take this for our Verdict. L. Hawk. Well Mr. Blackbird, you are insome measure beholding to Mr. Monkey, for putting you in the same Series with my special Friend Mr. Magpie. But have you any thing to say before I pass Sentence? Bl. Bird. I beg the benefit of my Clergy L. Hawk. Let him have it. Here the Ordinary bringeth the Book of Com. Pray. Bl. Bird. O! it is an unclean Book, I cannot read it; I had rather run the hazard of the hardest Sentence. L. Hawk. An Legit? Mr. Ord. Vult potius perdi quam legere. L. Hawk. 'Tis well enough, come, come Mr. Magpie, what have you to say before Sentence be passed? Magpie. I beg for Transportation. L. Hawk. Whither? Magpie. To New Albion or Pensilvania, that I may be a means to reduce those Stuborn Schismatics, and bring them into the Bosom of our Holy Mother the Church. L. Hawk. Silence, silence, Executioner, without delay, take this Reverend Magpie, and let him be Transported with the first Flock that Soars to New Albion, that old Albion may be no more plagued with the Chattering between him and Mr. Blackbird. And as for the Seditious Blackbird, he is to be carried to the Place from whence he was brought, and there to be tied to a tumbling Tree, his Feathers pulled off from his back, and whipped with a Canonical Girdle between the Triple-Tree and the Royal Oak. This hard Sentence sounded harsh in the Ears of the poor Blackbird, and seemed very unjust to all the Bench. But Sir Reynard the Fox began to grin and be in a Passion, for being slighted in his first Verdict, and gave L. C J. Hawk some short Language, whereat his Lordship Commanded him to be secured in the Bail-Dock, but before the Bench was ware, he pulled his Lordship by the Neck, and Bitten off his Honourable Head. Mr. Owl the Hangman finding himself Cheated of the Magpye's clothes, carried away the Cuckoo in his Clutches; and Mr. Weasel put an end to the poor Night- Bat: Mr. Blackbird making his escape to a Malt-Barn. Then the famous Sanhedrim ended in Confusion, none regreting the Death of the Honourable Judicatory but Magpies, Termacheus, and Lapwings; yet, in obedience to the Law, Mr. Magpie went to New-Albion, where now you may find him if you go in time. Et sic finitur fabula. LONDON, Printed for Ed. Golding. 1691.