A FAMOUS CONFERENCE BETWEEN POPE CLEMENT the X th'. AND CARDINAL de Monte Alto, Concerning the late Discovery of the MASS IN Holy Scripture, MADE By the Worthy Father Patrick, An Excellent Engineer of the CHURCH of ROME in ENGLAND.  
Latet anguis in herba.  
Ridendo dicere verum quis Vetat.  
LONDON, Printed by T. R. and N. T. for Moses Pitt at the Angel in St: Paul's Churchyard, 1674.   

Honest Reader:  
FAther PATRICK the Pope's known Agent in England, and the rest of his Disguised Brethren study Night and Day how to cheat poor Souls into a Belief and Profession of that Religion that is destructive to the good of both Body and Soul: Subtilty and Fraud as you may perceive in this Conference are not wanting to this good Father in the prosecution of this evil Design. His Looks, Carriage, and Speech proclaim him to be a Saint: I doubt not but some upon whom he hath prevailed to deny their Religion, and their God, Judge him to be no less: But that their mistakes may better appear to our World, and that none may be deceived with his fair Face, and Countenance, nor with that groundless Affirmation, That the Mass is to be found in Holy Scripture, of which the Papists make great use. This short Conference which presents you with nothing but that which may be proved if Questioned, hath been Written by a Sincere Friend of the Protestant Religion.   

A CONFERENCE Between a Noted CARDINAL of ROME, And the Present POPE, CLEMENT the X: About a New Discovery of the Popish MASS in Holy Writ.  
Most Holy Father,  
YOu'll pardon my Curiosity that desires to know wherefore there appears upon your Pontifical Face such extraordinary Expressions of joy. His Holiness returned to the worthy Cardinal this answer; If my Face bears some testimonies of my Inward satisfaction and joy, I have just cause for it, for I have even now learned a Discovery that hath been made in my time that will render my Reign most famous to all Posterity.  
Pope Alexander the 6th: was overjoyed to see that in his days such a naked and an excellent part of the World as is America, was found out; I have far more reason to rejoice because that in my days things of greater concernment that relate to Heaven and Happiness have been searched out, and happily discourred; the Holy Mass is found to be hid in a corner of holy Scripture. The Mass in holy Scripture! quoth the Cardinal full of admiration, how can that be? I know not how many have been enquiring for it there, and have turned over every page to see whether they could spy any appearance of it in that place, and as Obadiah said to Elijah concerning Ahab, There is no Nation or Kingdom (whither my Lord hath not sent to seek thee, and when they said he is not there, he took an Oath of the Kingdom and Nation that they found thee not; thus as I may say our holy men have dealt with the Scripture, and the Mass; there is scarce a page or a Verse that hath been diligently examined and enquired into, and when our Holy and Religious Brethren have seen no shape of the Mass in Scripture themselves, they have as it were taken an Oath from the Prophets and Evangelists that they found it not: but all their study & enquiry hath been hitherto to so little purpose, so that they have at last freely confessed, that the Mass is only to be found in our Old storehouse of rotten Traditions: It maybe that these sacred Books were not yet near the time of their full Delivery, or it may be that a wise and experienced Midwife was wanting till now to help into the world the birth of this great mystery from holy Scripture; doubtless this noted production was reserved for these happy and refined days; but may it please your good Holiness to tell me who is that man, or rather who is that Angel that hath made this admirable discovery? It is replied, the Pope, a secular Priest named Father Patrick, who is Invested with a rich Abbey, worth five hundred pounds a year, situate in Burgundy, which I have granted unto him in consideration of the notable services that he hath rendered unto me amongst the English Heretics: he hath promised to proceed further, and is engaged by my liberality to be mindful of my Interest, and I am persuaded that there is none so able to settle my Concerns in that Kingdom; for amongst the Ladies I understand that he is in an high esteem, because of the excellency of his Natural parts; he wants no Impudence to usher him into every place, and to cause him to thrust himself into every business, and his nose into every matter. He can also make use of pious frauds, and Religious Cheats in an excellent manner, and with fair promises; gain many a good proselyte. I am certain there is never a famous & a noted Courtesan or Religious Votary in the Kingdom, but he hath by his subtlety drawn to me and my holy Church; Not to mention the multitudes of Irish whom he hath possessed with a blind resolution of obeying my Orders, nor the simple English, that he hath bewitched with the vain hopes of future preferment, pleasure, happiness, and his Ptiestly favour; I must needs acknowledge that he is a most admirable man to manage my Concerns with Discretion; he is no less suctesful as appears by his late Initmation of bringing to pass the total and entire conversion of men, able to bias all things for me in that Kingdom, and to promote my long designed purpose: It is true he hath lost something of his good Reputation amongst the silly and precise Puritans, the fantastic Protestants, by being too free of his person in a public Bawdy-house in Holland, and by visiting those of London too often, and more than I have allowed him: but this reputation he makes good, and raises again amongst the better sort of men, by helping them to a Whore in time of need; These things I do approve of, I have granted the liberty of such actions to all holy and Religious men of his Order, and to the rest of my Clergy, Clergy, for I am of my predecessors good opinion, let St. Paul say what he will, that the most regenerate and pious Christians as well as the men of the world must and do burn with the flames of Lust, and Fornication, and may sometimes taste a little of the forbidden Fruit: I would rather have him do so, then commit Matrimony, because by this means he is very gracious with the generality of brave Fellows of the Time, and he may by this proceeding be better able to do me service; for men commonly love the Religion that approves and allows the fulfilling of our desires; but when these little Piccadilloes, Venial Sins, acts of his humanity should have disgraced him, and his name amongst the sottish Vulgar that cannot understand how that the things, that I permit and confirm by my example, become Virtuous when St: Peter whose Successor I am should have said the contrary, and proclaimed them to be Vices. He hath done enough to deserve our esteem for ever, for he hath found the Mass in Holy Scripture. This discovery will do us a great deal of good, it will confirm our indulgence, approve of our grants of liberty to sin; It will secure and fortify our Monastrical Garrisons, and inspire into our noble Monks an invincible courage; It will defeat and destroy all the enemies of our State and Kingdom, 1 Cor. 3. 15. In a word, I am in hopes that this new and seasonable discovery will furnish me with that by which I shall be able to maintain the Authority of St. Peter's Keys in the World, to enlarge my vast Dominions, to embellish the palaces of pleasure where Peter took his delight, and where I have caused his name to be engraven as testimonies that I have them from him to increase my Guards that are not near so numerous as those that did wait upon St. Peter when he went from place to place to publish the Gospel to maintain his Triple Crown that 
In the Castle of St. Angelo and elsewhere St. Peter's Name is engraven.  he hath left me in possession. It is very well quoth the Cardinal if it be true; but I am in doubt whether it be so, and that when the discovery be examined, it will be found as vain and groundless as your Temporal power upon those words, here are two Swords, or your Holinesses preeminency and Infallibility upon that other Text, It shall lead you into all truth, for your Holiness knows as you did lately avow, that unless your possession were stronger, and more apparent than your Right, you should never obtain what you now enjoy. Your Holiness is obliged to the Ignorance of the Times, and the sharpness of your Sword for your Dignity, Infallibility and Papal power, and not to any weak Text of holy Scripture. It is true answered the Pope, but this discovery is not to be doubted of, and Father Patrick hath convinced me by sending to me a Bible turned into French by the Doctors of Lorraine printed at Paris 1664. for in the 3 ch. verse 2. of Acts, these blessed words are to be read of the Apostles saying Mass to the Lord; Although this Translation be in French, it is no less useful to England, for that Nation naturally loves, admires, and embraces whatsoever appears to them in a French garb and countenance let it be never so ridiculous. It is easy to put the words into English as I understand Father Patrick hath already done, and confirmed it by the Translation of the English Jesuits of Rheims, who have done something more, for they have very well mingled their holy Gloss with the obscure Text of Scripture, so that we may with ease find in it all our Doctrines in express words. Sure saith the Cardinal, this Father Patrick hath most excellent Spectacles of an admirable temper, seeing they have made him perceive things altogether Invisible, for I have often read that passage, but I must needs confess my dulness, and the dimness of my sight, and my Ignorance. I could never perceive any such thing, nor Imagine that the words could be so Translated, for I find in the Greek Text 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, where I have always Imagined that the Word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 did signify to Minister, and serve: Now the service and Ministry Intended is to be known only by the circumstances of the Discourse; the Latin Translations do thus render the words, Ministrantibus illis Domino, and the Version of Louvain in French, Eux servans en leur Ministere au Seigneur, that is, they serving in their Ministry to the Lord: the very Sequel of St. Luke's discourse discovers what he means by this service, and the Ministration, for he speaks of certain persons, amongst whom were Barnabas, and Paul, that whiles they were, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, ministering unto the Lord, when they had Fasted, the Holy Ghost warned them to separate from them Barnabas and Paul for the work unto which he had called them; therefore he adds, when they had fasted and prayed, they laid their hands upon them, and sent them away; where the words when they had fasted and prayed, do sufficiently discover the end and accomplishment of the Ministration attributed unto these men. From whence we may easily conclude, that St. Luke understands by their prayer and fasting, acts of Devotion, the accomplishmnt of what he had spoken of, when he tells of these persons, that they were 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. The Syrian Translation and the Arabic do discover the Evangelists meaning, for they have rendered these words, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, whilst they were praying; besides, we may consider the quality and employments of these men concerned, St. Luke tells us that they were Prophets and Doctors; It is therefore to be supposed that when he says that they were 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and Fasting, that they were employed about the Functions and Offices proper to their Callings; that is, they did minister unto the Lord by prophesying and teaching, and that afterwards they did Fast and pray to obtain God's blessing upon their Labours and Teaching. I am certain Cajetan favours this Interpretation, for he speaks thus upon this Text: The nature of their service and ministry is not here mentioned, but because St. Luke names them Prophets and Deacons▪ we are to understand that their Ministry was performed by teaching, and preaching. Until this moment, may it please your Holiness, I was of the opinion of Cajetan, that these words do represent the Apostles employed about the duties of their Function, and that they did minister to the Lord by teaching and preaching the word to the people, by administering the Sacraments, and by other acts of piety and devotion. I beseech your Holiness to make me understand more perfectly this discovery, and how this Reverend Priest hath found the Mass in these words, and wherefore he hath given to them this Interpretation: I can't very well tell you replied the Pope. I don't much trouble myself to understand the Scripture, nor to seek into the Original Text: You know very well that these sacred books have no better nor more Honourable place assigned them in our public Assemblies, but my footstool, for I am above all Holy Scripture; I must not therefore so much abase myself and my dignity to pry and search into it with too much curiosity, as if I were to depend only upon that: but I'll ' tell you as I conceive, how he comes to make this good Discovery: He is by profession one of my Priests, whose employment is daily to Transubstantiate the Bread and the Wine into the Body and Blood of Christ. By degrees he is become such an excellent Artist in the Mystery of Transubstantiation, that he hath found out an expedient how to Transubstantiate also this and other passages of Holy Scripture, and change the words Ministering unto the Lord, into these, saying Mass unto the Lord. I am very well pleased with his Ingenuity, and no body must think this proceeding strange, for if he hath the power to transform, and cause a metamorphosis of solid substance, and turn Bread and Wine into other things of so great a disparity as flesh, bones, and blood; It is no wonder if Father Patrick, this Ingenious Priest, hath also transformed and changed one expression into another, if he can by his breath alone make the glorious Body of Christ now ascended up into Heaven, to be found in a few Crumbs of Bread, and a few drops of Wine. Why may not Patrick by the same art cause the Holy Mass to be found also in a passage of holy Scripture where it was never before. If he can so far command him who is named the Word to come down from Heaven, as often as he pleaseth, he may with more ease oblige him to speak what, and when he listeth. In the Word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 he hath met with a motive that hath Incited him to this perform; this metamorphosis for he hath met with certain happy Spirits of the Primitive World, who have Informed him that in the Council of Chalcedon this word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 was Interpreted by saying Mass; therefore the Council furnishes him with an excellent proof, upon which he depends much, because in the Actr of this Council the Word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 is Translated by a Latin. Author facere-missas, perform Masses as Julian tells us, who himself was of that Council; And because this word is so to be understood in the deeds of this Council, therefore it hath the same signification by very good reason in the Acts of the Apostles. Don't you think that this reasoning is right and good? I admire quoth the Cardinal the subtlety of this Priest, but I am afraid that some damned Heretic will draw from this kind of reasoning advantages against us, and as such kind of people do already say, that we affirm of our Mass, that it is not what it appears to be, that appears Bread, but that it is nothing less than Bread? so they will talk of this passage Translated by Father Patrick, that it is not what it seems to be: That in appearance the Mass is in the Translation, but in the Original there is no shape of the Mass to be seen. They will also say that the arguing from the Interpretation of the Word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 found in the Acts of the Counsel of Chalcedon is not just, nor reasonable, for a word may have a different signification in Ages so much at a distance from one another, for that Counsel was held 400 years after the Apostles: besides these Heretics may say, that the word Missa, Mass, that was then lately found out, has since in this Age changed its signification; for it is with the Mass as with men, their Faces differ before they come to an age of understanding, look upon a man in his Chilhood, and consider him afterwards in his old Age, and you shall searce know him, so it is with this Name; If you look upon it in its first rise, and afterwards take notice of it in the glorious appearance that hath been given to it in these last Ages, and you will scarce believe them to be the same, you will find a strange alteration: It may be said of the Mass as of Noah's Ark, and Theseus Ship that it was the same, and yet not the same, for the letters, syllables, and pronunciation is the same, but the use and signification is not the same; than it did signify the dismission of the people, or the leave to departed out of the Congregation granted to the Catechumenes who were dismissed after Sermon, or to the Rest of the Faithful sent away after the Administration of the Sacraments at the end of Divine Service; Then they did say, Facere missum Catechumenis, or Facere missum fidelibus, that is to dismiss the Catechumenes, or the Faithful: this word did then signify generally all the public Service of God, at the end of which this dismission was thus performed, Missa est. So that then they called the public Prayers of the Church the reading and preaching of the Word of God, and the administration of the Sacraments by the Name of Mass; these things Bellarmin▪ hath confessed. Since the word is strangely changed to signify the holy Sacrament of the Altar which is, now its ordinary meaning, Some therefore may say, that in the Translation of the Counsel of Chalcedon to express the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 it was never employed in the meaning that Reveend Father Patrick employs it in the 3 chap. of the Acts; but doubtless this excellent Abbot so well killed in Transmutation can solve all the difficulties that may be made against him, and his Interpretation. But what benefit doth your Holiness imagine that we receive from this bold attempt of Father Patrick? I conceive that he may have well increased: the glory of the Mass by raising it upon such a noble Throne, and placing it to be seen upon the Theatre of Holy Scriptures. He doth also by this means discover its profound Antiquity, for it seems to be far more ancient than Christ and his holy Apostles, for he may easily prove by this Word, that all the Priests under the Law did say Mass very reverendly as well as the Briests under Luke 1. 23. the Gospel; for St. Luke tells us that Zachary had accomplished 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, which we must for the time to come Translate, The days of his saying Mass. And St Paul represents Moses sprinking the blood upon 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 
Heb: 9 21. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉,  which we must also render thus, All the Vessels employed in saying Mass. In the same place 
Heb. 10. 11  the Apostle tells us that every Priest did daily 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, that is according to this good Translation Say Mass: and elsewhere he discovers how Christ doth continually say Mass in Heaven, for in the same Ep. to the Heb. he tells us, that we have an high Priest that is seated at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty of God in Heaven, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, that means saying Mass in the Holy places. I conceive that the Holy Angels are Christ's Deacons and Clarks in Heaven to answer him, because in the same Epistle they are named 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: we are to understand by these words, Spirits that say Mass. Your Holiness that hath communication with Heaven may know something more of these Heavenly matters: Well replied the Pope, we have just cause to expect the speedy conversion of all the Heretics, and if Father Patrick hath boasted of having made many a good Proselyte, and turned them from protestantisme to popery, although it was then but a Lie, he may have said so by the spitit of prophecy, such kind of deceits and falsehoods are to be considered and excused as so many pious frauds designed to bring back to the profession of the truth the poor deluded Heretics; for my part I conceive that he did foresee the conversion of all those people that will now doubtless embrace my Faith and profession, for they have often promised to come to Mass if we can but show them the Mass in Holy Scripture. Now they must of necessity acknowledge it to be there, maugre all their obstinacy, we may therefore hope to see whole troops of men return again to the bosom of my Holy Church. If after so clear a convict on, and this undeniable discovery there be any so obstinate as to shut their eyes, and refuse to acknowledge the Mass, I will thunder against him from my Vatican, and send him to Hell before his time: For my part I find quoth the Cardinal that he hath much obliged the Civil Magistrates and Princes in giving this meaning to the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, for we must now look upon them as persons who have liberty to say Mass, for St. Paul names them 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, that is according to this new signification, Singers, or babblers of Masses unto God Now I think of it, all our Roman Religion is mightily obliged to him, for he hath shown us an expedient how to confirm all the Doctrines of our Holy Church without much difficulty, in placing them in express words in Holy Scripture. We may now seek the passages that have any colour of such Doctrines, and Translate them according to this good model of Father Patrick, for example Christ Mat. 16. 18. said to St. Peter in the Gospel, Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church; there we maintain that Christ hath granted and established the Pope's Authority upon Peter, and his Successors. But because these words are not so plain and clear for our purpose as we could well wish, why may not we make it plainer, and Translate it in express words that may confute all the Heretics in this manner, Thou art Pope, and upon this pope I will build my Church. Your Fancy quoth the Pope is very good, and makes much for our purpose. Doubtless all Christendom admires the wit and piety of this Ingenious Father, and desires that he may be well rewarded for his worth and cunning; we shall have our Court thronged with the Ambassadors of several Princes to sue for his promotion and reward; for my part I am already very much inclined to grant to Father Patrick my most special Favours, I do at present free him from the troublesome Visit of purgatory after his Decease, and Decree that his Soul may leap directly into Heaven without stop or hindrance: We have granted this privilege to many that are not so deserving as this most Reverend Father, and it is but reason that he should obtain this benefit from the Mass, seeing that he hath been so great a Friend to her. We commonly say Mass to free poor Souls from the flames of purgatory, and to draw them into a more temperate and more pleasant abode, why may not the Mass from which he hath deserved a good Reward hinder him from entering into this Incommodious burning? I will also reward him in his life-time, I will ennoble his pate with a Cardinal's Cap, I conceive his head is big enough, and of a size able to bear this Covering with a bon mien: When his Holiness had uttered these words, he began to bethink himself, and muse upon what he had said; well quoth he, rubbing and shaking his head, there is something comes into my mind that damps all my affections, for Father Patrick this subtle Wit that hath found the Mass in Holy Writ, contrary to all appearance, may also by chance find by his cunning and working fancy how to make Father Patrick a Pope, and by this means pull me out of my seat, and tumble me down of my Throne as an unlawful Pope. This apprehension sinks into my mind do what I can, and spoils all the affection that I had conceived for this Father, so that a small matter might cause me to undertake his Destruction. As the Cardinal was opening his Lips to return an answer; in steps a Gentleman of the pope's Bedchamber to acquaint his Holiness that there were without a crowd of persons that did most passionately entreat for audience of his good Holiness. When the pope had commanded them to come in; e found them to Be some of his Wellwisher that came to advertise him of a great Tumult that had happened in the Vatican Church between two comely Ladies; the one named herself Vulgata Latim, the other was named Madam Franca Versio of the City of Louvain, two persons of very good account; as they were at their Devotions they quarrelled with that Fury, that they were ready to tear one another to pieces: Madam Vulgata required the precedency, because she had been ennobled by the Council of Trent; and could show a very authentic patent for her Nobility; but Madam Franca Versio could produce no such Antiquity, but pretended that she was to have the precedency of the former; because she had been ennobled, dignified, and blessed with a most Divine Berne a She-beauty, esteemed and admired all over the World as a Goddess, she being the only Mother that had boar in her Womb such a Celestial production as the Goddess Missa: She resolved not to yield an ace to her Sister Madam Vulgata Latina, but to dispute the preeminency and the predency with her to the uttermost; and the rather, because she was backed and assisted by all her Countrymen, who did not much favour Madam Latina, because they understood not her speech. As soon as these persons had represented the case to his Holiness, the door being open, in steps an old Roman Lady my Lady Tradition, she was attired as the Gibeonites are represented in holy Scripture when they came to make peace with the Children of Israel at their entrance into the promised Land; her Gown was old and moth-eaten, her shoes patched with many old pieces, her face painted with many wrinkles, her food was dry bread, and mouldy biscuit, all her Garments did bespeak her to be but a dirty, nasty, loathsome, and old Joan; nevertheless she received the Respects of all the company at her entrance, because she did look with a grave countenance, and affect such marks and liveries of Antiquity and Age, although she was but young, and of a late Birth, she accessed his Holiness without any Ceremony, because she was very well known to him, and familiar with him, she had tutored him, and did yet furnish him with very good directions. This Lady Tradition with a grim and sad countenance soon burst forth into bitter complaints against Father Patrick the French Abbot, and the Irish Priest for having committed a most unjust robbery and rape, and debauched and carried away from her dwelling one of her best and most beautiful Guests my Lady Missa: she represented to his Holiness that he had just cause to fear further Injuries and wrongs from this Father, and that she was afraid lest he should also debauch her other Guests, and persuade them to leave her desolate, and by that means take away all her livelihood and being for without them she is not able to subsist. As she was opening the Case, and accusing of Father Patrick, all her Guests or Lodgers came into the Room together to make also their several complaints, and assist their old Landlady in her accusation. The Marquis of Purgatory with all his Attendants went foremost The Count Meritum, and Viscount Free will with a long Train of Followers, filled the Room where his Holiness was. These Noble Persons that I have named are all Officers of our mother the Holy Church of Rome: The Marquis of Purgatory is the great Purveyor and principal Cook, to him it belongs to see that the Pot may boil well, Count Meritum is the great Treasurer of the Catholic Church; for he hath in his custody all the Riches and Treasures by which he intends to purchase the Kingdom of Heaven. Viscount  is the Factotum, or Governor of the House, he is the Porter or Usher to introduce or shut out whom he pleaseth. He is also the Steward & Controller of the mother Church for he disposeth of all at his pleasure. He is a capricious and humoursome Knave; nevertheless the Catholic Church i● very well pleased with his services, and cannot be persuaded to leave him. Assoon as my Lord Marquis of Purgatory appeared, every mother's son in the Room began to tremble for fear; for he was clothed with a fiery Garb most terrible to the eye, out of his mouth burst forth flashes of extraordinary fire, so that every one made room to him, and was afraid to come near him; but when the spectators had well viewed him, they perceived that his terrible Countenance had nothing of reality, and that this fire, and the seeming flames were the effects only of their deluded imagination My Lord; merit was clad in such a Garb, and appeared with such a pleasant mean, that he was more able to move laughter than fear, for he seemed to be proud and highminded: His Countenance, Behaviour and Courage was much like that of a French Coxcomb, or of a proud and stately Spaniard. He did blow and puff as a man out of breath, and with Eyes full of contempt he did speak to every one; Isa. 65. 1. Come not near me for I am more holy than thou: In his hand he held a large Purse full of good Counters with which men do commonly reckon with God Almighty to see how much he is in their debt. My Lord,  appeared in another Attire; and Behaviour, not so ridiculous, but no less extravagant; for his inconstancy and unsettled Courage did make him appear very simple; for he stood now upon one lay then upon another. He had got a Swissers Garb and Attire, of several Colours, to express the diversity and variableness of our , but that which was most remarkable in his appearance was, that he had got a Steeple upon his head that did bear a Cross, with a Weathercock on the top, to represent how that in the business of our Salvation signified by the Cross. It was in his power to turn himself any ways. At first all these Noble Lords were ready to enter into a cruel dispute, and quarrel, because they all pretended to the privilege of speaking first, my Lord Marquis had a large & wide mouth, as great as that of an Oven, and much heat to animate his discourse; and therefore a greater advantage to speak first, than the rest: my Lord, merit did produce his worth and excellency; and therefore that he deserved to be the spokesman, my Lord  alleged, that merit was indebted to him for the advantages by which he pretended to the privilege of speaking first; for there could be no merit without . To please 'em all, the Pope commanded 'em to speak all together, and told 'em that he was well able to understand all their discourses together: That although he appeared but with one Head, he had got one that was worth many, for it was able to bear three Crowns, That it were to do him wrong to fancy that he had less ability than the Beast of the Revelations that had Seven Heads, and therefore could understand the Speeches of seven persons: And that as he was the Head of the Church, he must needs have this power of an Head to understand the complaints, and feel the griefs of several members at once when they endure pain, when the Pope had granted to them this permission, and leave to speak all at once, every one began to declare their complaints to this effect: That Father Patrick had done them all the greatest injury that could be, by divorcing and carrying away the Mass their dear Companion from them: That they had long lodged together peaceably, with much unity and love, at the Palace of my Noble Lady, my Lady Traditio: That to part with their Companion, they could as well part with Heart and Soul and therefore that they did reckon that Father Patrick had done them a notable prejudice to place the Mass in Holy Scripture without them: That they had as good reason to pretend to that Honour as well as she, for there be some places of Holy Scripture that favour as much their being, as that place doth the Mass. The Marquis of Purgatory alleged a passage of the first of Corinthians, where these words are to be found, 1 Cor. 3. 15. Wh● are saved as by fice, why said he may not one add to the translantion, by the fire of Purgatory. Meritum brought forth a passage of the Revelations, where the persons are mentioned, Rev. 3. 4. Whom God will cause to walk in white Clothing, because they are worthy. He desired that one might render the words, because they do merit it. My Lord Free will fancied that the passage of Denteronomy made for him, where God told the Children of Israel, Deut. 36. 40. That the Word was near them in their mouth, and in their Heart to do it: wherefore said he may not we translate it, is in thy Freewill to do it: Therefore every one of them did conclude that his Holiness must needs, if he will deal impartially, do of two things one, either restore the Mass to its old Lodging, and former Comrades, or grant to them to dwell with her under the same Roof In the heat of the dispute they fell from reasons to threaten against his Holiness in case that they did not receive due satisfaction; for the Marquis of Purgatory threatened to be even with his Holiness when his Soul should enter into his Dominions, if he did not grant his desire and do Justice; for he that frees others by his authority from burning in Purgatory, cannot exempt himself from those Torments. Therefore he threatened to cast so much Brimstone, and combustible matter into the scorching Flames, that he would increase the heat in such a manner, that he should have first cause to repent. Meritum threatened him, that if he did not do as he desired, that he would forsake his person: So that without his assistance, he should be without means of ever arriving to Heaven, or entering into that place of bliss. My Lord, Freewill freely declared to him, that unless he obtained his Request, he should fall into such fits of Melancholy, that he would leave the humane Society: So that they might by that means, become Jansenists, that are near related the Calvinists the Pope's sworn Enemies. This last threatening did not much trouble his Holiness, because he knew that the Viscounts Pate was full of Quicksilver and Whimsy, therefore never settled in its resolutions. He knew also that he would never do any thing in favour of the Calvinists, because they are an envious Generation of men, that won't allow him his Titles of Honour, but have often attempted to cut off his Head, and when they could not perform that, they have reduced and condemned him to slavery & perpetual bondage; but the threaten of the rest terrified the poor Pope. As he was thinking what was best to be done, he hears a little Bell coming in, and my Lady Mass in person followed immediately after. This dainty Dame that never goes a foot, nor treads upon the slimy ground, was carried by a Cardinal Priest. She can ride very well on Horseback, for in the solemn processions at Rome she is commonly mounted upon a white Horse; but in this occasion she could not make use of such a carriage, for she was forced to come up stairs to the Pope; when all the Assistants beheld my Lady Mass, they wondered wherefore she was come, they began to look one upon another, to see which of the company was so sick as to need my Lady to comfort him: the Priest that carried her soon satisfied them by addressing himself to the Pope in my Lady's name in this manner; Great Vicar, and Lieutenant of God, visible Head of the Universal Catholic Church, most powerful God on Earth, I come to demand Justice of the Insolency, impudence, and temerity of Father Patrick, who hath basely ravished, and against my will carried me away by plain force from my house and home, to cause me to dwell in a strange place. I was very well satisfied in my old Lodgings in my Lady Traditio's place; nothing was there wanting to my person or dignity, for my Lady is very well provided with all necessaries, and is most complizant to all her Guests. I confess that Holy Scripture is an Honourable dwelling indeed; but this Fellow hath appointed me there such an Incommodious Abode that I protest I can stay there no longer, I am confined to this narrow Lease 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, where I am so ill accommodated, that I am in danger to fall down at every moment, whereas before I was seated upon a Throne at my pleasure, where I had elbow-room enough. This Blockhead has imagined that I should be here better placed, and better able to convince all Heretics, whereas it is here that I am meekest, and not able so much as to defend myself. I may say as David, when he took upon him saul's Armour to encounter with Goliath, I can't walk with all this, for I am not used to 'um. Thus I may say, that it is altogether Impossible that I should make use of this passage to overcome the Heretics, because I am not used to it: Besides, as I am there placed without God's approbation, and contrary to all reason, and since I am therefore there against my will, and have as much reason to complain as Absalon when he was brought from Gessur to Jerusalem, where he had not the liberty to see King David, Wherefore am I come from Gessur? it was better for me to remain there still. Moreover, he hath put me there all naked, without my ornaments, without my Alba Girdle, S●ola Cope, etc. and suchlike Vestments that became my dignity, whereas I had all this attire in my former habitation: All such as shall see me here, will imagine that I have a great delight to make my abode wherever the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 is to be found, and therefore they will imagine such things as become not my quality and grandeur; for example when St. Paul says to the Phillipians, ch. 2. V 30. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, they will Infer from thence, That I am to be delivered, and offered up by the Impure hands of Laymen, as well as by the holy Priests. Thus when St. Paul saith to the Romans, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Some may think that I am reduced and ranked amongst impure and carnal things such as are given by men in Alms: This fellow hath also lodged me at a strange house and dwelling without the leave of the Landlords and owners; for he hath placed me in the Translation of the Doctors of Louvain, who never thought to place me there, for they have Translated this passage into words that don't discover any shadow of the Mass. I have also reason to complain that I am there lodged in an unworthy manner, for he makes me pass but for a Discourse, whereas I am in truth a glorious Sacrifice offered to God for the benefit of the quick and the dead, for he represents me in these words, They saying Mass unto the Lord, whereas he should have said, They offering Mass up to the Lord; for these reasons I am become a scorn to the Heretics, and a reproach and shame to the good Catholics. At Paris Reverend Doctors of the Sorbonne do in no wise approve of this bold attempt, and will scarce take notice of me in this corner; I do therefore desire that by your Authority you will take me from this place, and lodge me where I was wont before. And I did desire that you would inflict upon this Impudent Priest the punishment that his audacity deserves. When my Lady Mass had ended her Speech, the Pope that had been dissatisfied with Patrick's proceed, soon granted the Requests of all the Assistants: Therefore he returned this answer to my Lady Missa, Great and Admirable Sacrament of the Altar, Divine Mass, I grant that thou shouldest return to thy former Abode; And I further Decree, that Father Patrick shall make thee all just amends and satisfaction for thy disgrace. I do also declare him to have forfeited his Offices and privileges, and that he is become unworthy ever to say Mass again, or to enjoy any Ecclesiastical Dignity; I do therefore enjoin him as a Penance, that he shall Whip his Bomfiddle twice every day, that he shall never drink any thing but Water whilst he lives, but not to reduce him to utter despair; I leave to his choice to take Holy, or Common Water at his pleasure; and I allow him to make use of an Whore when he hath occasion.  
Reader, Take heed of the Hypocrisy and Cunning of the Romish Emissaries. VALE.   

ERRATA.  
PAge 2. Line 2. for naked read noted, p. 4. l. 13. r. Intimation, p. 5. l. 25. r.- Monastical, p. 7. l. 6. r. Lowain, p. 11. l. 17. blot out this and; p. 23. r. Acts p. 16. l. 2. r. Maugre, p. 18. l. last r. he, p. 19 l. 4. r. Latin, p. 22. l. 13. r, Meene, p. 23. l. 1. r. Leg.