The Famous TRAGEDY Of the Life and Death of M RIS. RUMP. SHOWING How She was brought to Bed of a Monster With her terrible Pangs, bitter Teeming, hard Labour, and lamentable Travel from Portsmouth to Westminster, and the great misery she hath endured by her ugly, deformed, ill-shapen, base-begotten Brat or Imp of Reformation, And the great care and wonderful pains taken by Mistress London Midwife Mistress Hasterigg, Nurse. Gossip Vain Gossip. Scot & her man Litesum Gossip Walton. Gossip Martin Gossip Nevil. Gossip Lenthal Secluded Gossips. Apprentices. Together with the Exceeding great fright she took at a Free Parliament. And the Fatal end of that Grand Tyrant O. C. the Father of all Murders, Rebellions, Treasons and Treacheries committed since the year 1648, As it was presented on a burning Stage at Westminster the 29 th' of May, 1660. There was such horrid stinking smoke ne'er known Before; But now the Devil has his own. LONDON, Printed for Theodorus Microcosmus, 1660. PROLOGUE. You Gallants that some idle hours have spent, Her's pastime that may give you all content. It far excels Bell's story and the Dragon, Or Pha'tons riding in the Fiery Wagon. It's not Colchester Bull nor yet Mad' Ox, Nor Tyrant Nol, mounted in a Coach-box. Let merry Bells than Music backwards Ring, Whilst we the praise of Mistress Rump do sing. Let her Fanatic friends great Bonfires make Of purest straw they from Pist Beds can take; With Eccoes' loud like shrieking of a Cart, And with shrill noise more sweeter than a F— For now she's safe from danger brought a Bed, Behold the Monster of her Maidenhead. The Nurse is paid, By Oaths, false Protestation, And by a new Coin called Sequestration. 'Tis strange a Rump that's roasted, boiled and broiled. Should after death bring forth a monstrous Child. Got by some Pettyfogging Knight o'th' post Who in her Womb did leave his horrid Ghost, To vex the honest people of this Nation By her Base Brat, pretending Reformation, who's bred and born, and then within a day Consumed to smoke, and clearly fled away. But yet Spectators now with Patience view, ‛ This Scene, 'tis called a false W— never true. Enter Gossiip Vain, Scot and Nurse Haslerig. Gossip Vane. HAa, ha', ha', How bravely have we steered the Coast now, Is there no more reprobates left, that we may bring them under an Act of Sequestration, This parting of Estates is a rare piece of employment, my thinks 'tis a gallant frolic. God's. Scot Content gossip all's ours, though more would do well, what I have makes me jocund. Enter Lightsum. Jocund Mistress, and well you might could you keep it. But what's the cause of this merry Vain you are in, when Mistress Rump lies so sick of a Portsmouth Bastard, she! hardly bring it safe into the World? Mrs. Goes. Scot How! Sick, Sirrah are you sure of that? Lightsum. As sure as you you'll live to be hanged for murrher, Treason, and Treachery. Mrs. Scot Gallop, Ride, Trot, Amble, Go, Run amain, withal agility, dexterity, alacrity and celerity, call Mrs. London the Midwife, and tell her that Mrs. Rump desires her to come away presently, for she's in strong labour and endures miserable pangs and throws that comes upon her by playing the Whore at Portsmouth; pray Heavens she hath not taken some fright at the exclamations of the people against the Arse, stump, Bum or Fag-end of a Parliament! I'll be sworn it's enough to galley a Gentlewoman of her quality and breeding to be despised by every idle boy that makes verses, times and Songs of her, making no better of her then a common Camp or Ammunition W— turning up her Tail to every lousy ill-dependent, besides Martin the Town Bull. Well she is not the first that hath done amiss, these are but slips occasioned by the weakness of her Sex. I'll in and make her a spiritual Caudle, I doubt she'll have an ill bargain on't. Mrs. Rump, how do you? I say Mrs. Rump will you have a little strong Water of Mrs Scots distillation, or a Caudle of Sequestration to comfort your putrified Bum? Mrs. Rump. Oh sick, sick, I must Spew Nurse pray reach the Boul, Haw— awe— awe— Nurse. Well Mrs. fetch it up: up with it: Heaven bless us! What's this looks so red Mrs? Mrs. Rump. Oh 'tis blood, innocent blood, that hath lay in congealed clods in my Stomach a 11 years; Hark how loud it cries for vengeance! I never felt it before I was overpowred by my Secluded Gossips, only once at Portsmouth, when I was frighted by my Gossip Fleetwoodt party and the London Apprentices, Oh the death of my King, his blood and the fear of his Sons coming, causes my pain to increase, I understand too late he suffered by my Tyranny, an innocent and untimely end. Nurse. 'Tis well 'tis up, Mrs. cast again. Mrs. Rump. Aw— awe— awe— Oh my heart is almost burst! Nurse, Lord, Mrs. what is that looks so yellow, Is it Choler? Mrs. Rump. No Nurse 'tis Gold, accursed Gold, for love of which I sold my God, murdered my King, gave away my Soul, and pulled down the gates, Posts, Percullisses, nay through thy instigation had like to have fired the habitation of Mrs. London my Midwife, and that for a small sum of one hundred thousand pounds Aw—, awe—, awe—. Gossip Scot Quickly Nurse, bring the Basin Nurse. Nurse, I come I come, What's this looks like Parchment Rolled up in form like a Bill of Indictment? Rump. This is that black Bill drawn up by that strumpet my Mother. Bradshaw through the instigation of the Devil, and my Father Cromwell, against my Royal Sovereign, for which I endure these bitter pangs. Gossip. Scot Is Mistress London come? If not, there's no help, we're all undone: what course shall we take to preserve our dearly beloved sister Rump? God's. Walton. Call for more help. Hold fast behind gossiip Nevil, this throw I fear will be her last. God's. Nevil. No I'll warrant you, I shall play the Oceano Dr. so well that my Eutopian Physic will bring the Brat to perfection, 'tis nothing comes now but a Harp & Cross, it smells so strong of a Commonwealth it can never miscarry. God's. Martin. In good sooth I believe so too. Can she sweat upon it, as I use to do at Baldwins Gardens, she'd do well enough. G. Scot Or as I have done at Wickam with my Bone-lace-maker, or at Lambeth with my Begger-wench, 'twould thrive in spite in of Fa●e. Mistress Rump. I'm almost spent Oh, oh, awe— awe— Nurse. What's this looks like Paper? Mistress Rump. These are Votes and Ordinances of my own creating, contrary to Law or Reason, made only to keep out my King contrary to my Oath of Allegiance, and for sequestering my friends to stuff my own Coffers. Pray hold my back hard Nurse, or my heart will shiver in pieces. Aw— awe— awe— Nurse. What's this that comes so strongly up? Foh, foh, foh, now it stinks all the Kingdom over, but I cannot help it? Mistress Rump. Oh Nurse it's too late to help now. This is that damnable Declaration you caused to be lapped up in an Oath of Abjuration, against my Sovereign Lord the King, aspersing him and his whole Line with reproachful lys, calling him Tyrant, who was the Most Just and Religious King in the World; Pray Nurse fling some hot Embers on it, and make haste for Mistress Murder, Mistress Rapine, and my good neighbour Mistress Perjury. Nurse. I'm gone, here's the Midwife, Mistress London's come forsooth. Mistress London. Mistress Rump how do you I pray? Mrs. Rump. Oh Mrs. London, help me now or I die, never did Rump endure so much sorrow, with bitter pangs, sobs and sighs. Oh, oh I am ready to die, you need not have stayed so long; there was no Gares, Portculliss or posts to hinder you, Oh I'm ready to departed! Mrs. London. Go, and the Devil go with you, I came but to laugh at thy misery, thou hast had too much of my help already, which hath emboldened thee to play the Strumpet. I'll not assist thee or thy brat any more Guild-hall is too empty of Bodkins, Thimbles, Rings, and Bowls to maintain thy whoredom, Exit. As soon as she had made an end of speaking, in came rushing Mrs. Nevil, Mrs. Scot, Mrs. Walton, Mrs. Martin. Mrs. Vane. etc. who presently fell about her business: one held her hands, another her back, and a third her members, she being in this grievous agony (having no hopes to scape with life, desired Mrs. Haslerig to indite a bill to have her prayed for) and that it be speedily sent by the Lord Mayor to the several Congregation within every their respective Parishes for her safe Deliverance; which most accurately she penned in form of a Declaration, in these words following. The Declarations of Mrs. Rump, lying very weak, and in most grievous Pangs of Childbearing; and cannot be Delivered. Whatsoever dangers are threatened or feared, either by the great perplexity I am at this present in (or by reason of my manifold sins that now in my weakness lie heavy upon my Conscience,) yet I have assurance, that if I confess and forsake them (as I have no such intention) I shall find mercy. Therefore I confess and acknowledge (but not from the bottom of my heart) that for the space of these 12 years I have been a most cruel murderer, not only of Bodies, but of Souls; that I have perjured myself, First by my Oath of All giance, and secondly by my Solemn Covenant, wherein (as in Hos. 1.9,) I have spoken words, swearing falsely in making a Covenant; springeth up against me) like Hemlock in the furrows of the field: That I have most Traitorously betrayed, and murdered my lawful King, the Anointed of the Lord, that I have made God's House and the King's house a Den of Thiefs: that I have loved wickedness, and practised it; that no fear hath dehorted me from doing any thing (but Justice) that I have rob both God & the King, and have not feared the one nor honoured the other: that I have used all manner of juggle, Cozenage, contradictions and Equivocations, that my Religion hath been Railing, Blasphemy; Treason and Tautalogies, And that I have not only covered but by the instigation of the Devil, and against the Laws of our Sovereign Lord King Charles, forceably taken, stole and carried away the goods and Chattels of many thousands of his Majesty's Loyal and obedient Subjects; that I have made this Canaan of all happiness, a Golgotha, and Field of Blood; and have yoked my fellow Subjects to the Pride, Tyranny and Oppression of my own Lust and Ambition; instead of Reforming I have deformed, instead of repairing I have pulled down; Which hath occasioned all these miseries to fall upon me; My greatest grief of all being, that I know I have committed all this, and much more, but cannot Repent for the same; therefore the several Independents, Anabaptists, Seekers, Ranters Quakers, etc. within the Cities of London and Westminster, and the late Lines of Communications, are desired upon next Good Friday if I shall not be Delivered before, to keep a day of feigned Humiliation, and Prating; that the heavy judgements that so inevitably threaten me, may be diverted; That so I may come in again to Rule, Reign, and Tyrannize over you, Rump everlasting, Impositions, Assessments and Taxations without end. Your Friend and putrified Bum of iniquity, Mrs. Rump. While this was writing Mrs. Rump grew worse and worse, and the good Wives made account she had been drawing on: therefore Mrs. London stepped to her and spoke as followeth viz. Mrs. London. Dear Daughter I perceive by thy pulses beating, and so much blood springing out of thy Conscience into thy Face, that thou art almost already as it were dead, and its a question whether the Child thou now art in labour with, may come to perfection or no? or live to receive its Christendom, and though I have upheld thee in all thy Actions, and safely brought thee from Portsmouth to Westminster; and succoured the Fox 12. years with Plate, Bodkins, Rings and Bowls, yet thy sins and abominations have been so great I cannot deliver thee so as to restore thee to thy former power, I advise thee therefore restore what is taken by thy cruel Paws from thy God, thy King, thy Neighbour, and repent of thy perjury. Whilst thus she speak the Room was filled with smoke, over spread clear with darkness, the Candles went out, and terrible thunderings were heard, intermixed with wawling of Cats, howling of Dogs, and barking of Wolves, which strnck a great terror in all her Gossips; In the mean time Mrs. Rump brought forth an ugly deformed Monster without a head, goggle-eyed, bloody hands, growing out on both sides of its devouring paunch, under the belly hung a great Bag, and the Feet were like the feet of a Bear; those that will see this Brat may repair to the Plantation of Fumigosus called Slavonia, whither she is gone to be Nursed by Mistress Sequestration; who no sooner is gone but in comes the Secluded Gossips. Enter Secluded Gossips. What's here to do? Is no room left for us? if not, patience upon force must prove a medicine to purge this place from the usurping power of a lawless Rump. Gossip Lenthal. You are all welcome, pray sit down for I should be unwilling to lose the place of Speaking, by which my Coffers have been stuffed with draining the purses and heartblood of other men's Estates. Secl. Gossips. Nurse Lenthal, Read over some of the last Papers or manuscripts of Mrs Rump. Gossip Length. Here is an Act against the whole Line of King James by which it's neither murder nor Treason, to Kill Kings or murder the most Loyal Subjects. And here's another rare Vote, which I look upon to be very good in Law, for the increasing my Coffers (hoping to be a sharer therein) that is, For sequestering Sir George Booth, and all those of the Royal party that assisted him. Secl. Gossiips. Stay there a while, We disown your Treasons. Those Acts we vote Null and Void. we'll clear the way, let the next go on where we have left, right will take place, the stinking Rump be in a rotten condition, and though it be supposed we fatteed them, we'll make them Lean, and all for sorrow sing Themselves to Hell, when England hath a King. Enter Free Parl. What hideous Monster's this, that appears thus died in Blood, without shape, head or Body? Mistress Rump. 'Tis I that wait for Pardon. Is no Indemnity for me? though I have dlpt my hands in the Scarlet dy of Majesty, I hope your mercy will exceed my cruelty. Parl. I, as far as Law and Justice will extends; but I see little hope, therefore as thou hast sat long in pomp, so thou shalt lie in State upon a hurdle, and be drawn to thy Country house, where as much pains shall be taken for thee as Judas took for himself. She trembles. Rump. Since so it is I'll to the City and die a martyr. Enter Prentice's. Lay hands on her. They seize on her. All. we'll end this stink with speed. They fling her in the fire and write this Epitaph. Here lies she who was (in sum) No Head or Body but all Bum, Who did three Nations to confusion bring. She sold her God, and murdered her King. Enter Prentices with staves, and Clubs carrying the Effigies of that old Tyrant O. Cromwell. A Apprentice. Lo here's the form of that Grand Traitor Noll Who gave a hundred pound a year to Pol To vindicate his bloody Scarlet paws, Under the Notion of a Good Old Cause. All the rest. We knew it well, and did in sorrow sing Whilst Judas like he murdered Charles our King. But now we'll make the world our deeds admire, With that they fling the Puppet in the fire, Which made the very dust and ashes fly, From th' earth as swift as lightning from the Sky. And such a noisome Hog and darkness fell, As if it had descended into Hell. Where (with the Rumpish Brat) a curse it lies, As though the Devil had torn out the eyes The which was all the pay due for its hire Whose scorching Nose three Kingdoms set on sire. EPILOGUE. Rejoice Great Britain now, for Kings there's none Shall Govern thee, but Charles, and he alone Will Peace and Plenty to this Nation bring, Who is the Son of Charles thy marttyred KING. The Rump of Traitors (that did sore so high To spill the blood of sacred Majesty. Are now defunct, Poor Whore she's brought a Bed Of a long , but neither brains or Head. FAG, RUMP, BUM, STUMP.