Essays AND CHARACTERS. Written by L. G. LONDON, Printed in the year, 1661. TO THE READER. READER, I Suppose thou art now come into the Stationer's Shop, and inquirest of him if he have any thing that is new; were Solomon at thy elbow he would tell thee there is nothing new under the Sun; But it is common with Men, as well as children, to long for a new nothing; And therefore to satisfy thy humour, he will show thee this Book, perhaps (for his own advantage) he will say it is a pretty piece, if he does, I will assure thee he is not of my opinion: for whether it will be for his profit and thy pleasure or not, I cannot tell, I am sure it will not be for my credit. It hath been the usual Apology of those who appear in print, that it was against their own wills, and through the importunate desire of friends, (forsooth because the World should think them modest) but our fault admits of no such lying excuse, for it was merely my own folly and rashness that hath thus thrust me upon the Stage of the World, where (I fear) I shall be hissed rather than deserve a plaudite. I confess I would willingly have called in my Book when it were but half printed, for it appeared unto me to savour more of Drollery than Divinity, which my second thoughts or reflections did clearly apprehend, I saw that there were but few pages, and yet in those few more Erratas both of the Author and Printer, then in some great Volumes, a true Looking-glass to represent my life and actions, for my years have not much exceeded six and twenty; and yet perhaps in this small span, or little Epitome of age you may read more errors, and miscarriages, then in his, whose years are written in folio; and hath outlived fourscore; but I hope God's mercy will forgive the one, and thy ingenuity pardon the other. However I have now ventured to send it forth into the World, and where it shall find entertainment I know not, perhaps it may light into some Lady's lap and have so much honour as to possess the place of her little Dog; but let her beware how she handles it for if she be not virtuous It will by't her. Yet I have not in any of these following discourses reflected upon any particular Person, save only in the Character of a Scandalous Minister, where I took for my Copy one whom I had some cause to know in the Country, and who (I think) having an intent that I should draw his picture) came to me at London to give me a second view of his Drunkenness and swearing; I had (indeed) limned him a little more to the life, but that I thought it a sin to foul too much paper with so base a subject. I have been too guilty of that already; for alas! whilst I was writing my mind was like a troubled Sea; and therefore wonder not if my pen cast up mire and dirt. To be too tart and satirical hath been always my infirmity, I was once complained of to the Justices, for going about to pistol a blind Priest with an Ink-horn, nor was it strange for might I have had the benefit of the Press no pistol could have more wounded his body then my Inkhorn would have done his reputation. Printing and Guns are two modern inventions, & the one as well as the other hath made the leaden Mine as destructive to mankind as the golden; Men may be said to shoot from the Press as well as from the Artillery, some (like Jehu) to wound, others (like Jonathan) to warn; that is either by writing of railing invectives, or sober exhortations; polemical discourses are like shooting at a mark, which mark aught to be truth, schismatical Pamphlets are Granado's, Plays, and Romances are squibs & crackers which though they wound not with their bullets, yet they blind with their powder. Reader, amongst which of these fire-men thou wilt rank me, I know not; only I beseech thee put on charity, (for thy spectacles) and read on. VALE. A Table of the several Subjects of this Book. VIZ. ☞ of Man in general. A religious Prince. A reverend Divine. A virtuous Woman. A rigid Presbyterian. A debauched Courtier. An University Bedle. A Fanatic. A Whore. A happy Rustic. A beastly Drunkard. An ignorant old Man. A Player. A mechanic Magistrate. A scandalous Minister. A loyal Subject. A Malcontent. A noble Spirit. A bad Wife. The Rump-Parliament. Essays and Characters. Of man in general. THis visible world is a great Book written by the hand of God for his own glory and man's use; Every Creature is a leaf or page of this Volume; but man is the picture of the Author set in the Frontispiece; He that abuses the Creature, makes a base Comment upon a glorious Text; but he that abuses himself, goes about to deface and blot out the effigies of his Creator. Man consists of a soul and a body, which are never separated until death, and meet not again till the resurrection. It was the morning salutation of the page to King Philip, Remember that you are a man; that is, that you have soul and body; let the slothful man remember that he hath a soul that must be saved; and let the proud man remember, he hath a body that must die; and then the one will not live like a beast, neither will the other think himself to be an Angel. The body is but the tent or cottage of the soul, or rather that mantle which, when the spirit, (like Elias) ascends into heaven, is cast down and left behind upon the earth; and (as it is said concerning celestial and terrestrial bodies,) so of these two; The glory of the body is one, and the glory of the souls is, another; What is it in which the body or flesh can glory? 'tis not strength, beauty, or age; for in strength the beasts and fishes, in beauty the plants and flowers, in age the very Rocks and Stones do far excel men. In brief, the body of man is but a brittle earthen vessel, the centre of diseases, a daughter to corruption, a sister to the worms, a tenant to the grave, a little dust carried by the wind of his vital breath, which when the wind ceases, falls to the ground, and rests in the bosom of the earth from whence it was Taken. Thus the outward or carnal man is not an object of admiration but pity; He lies like Lazarus upon the dunghill of the earth; his sins are his sores, his righteousness his rags; his friends that flatter him, and his enemies that reproach him, are all but dogs; some bark, some bite, some fawn, some lick his sores. He came naked into the world; and whatsoever he hath he begged it of God, and borrowed it of his fellow creatures; His Pilgrimage is from Jerusalem to Jericho, from the womb to the tomb; his constant companions are vanity and vexation, the one attends him in health and Wealth, the other in sickness and poverty; the one would draw him to presumption, the other would drive him to despair; in short, there is nothing does more resemble his life then the taking a pipe of tobacco; for his gains & profits are that which he sucks in, his expenses & disburstments that which he puffes out his actions like the smoke, are offensive to many, and pleasing to few or none, at length he knocks out the ashes and so Concludes. But the soul is man's more noble part which is capable of having communion with God, and therefore ought not to be subject to the body. The body is Hagar the Bondwoman, But the soul is Sarah the free Woman; Sarah must not be a slave to Hagar; if the flesh deny subjection to the spirit, she must like Hagar (by mortification,) be put away that so the free born soul may enjoy her liberty which is to serve God. The Philosopher gives this definition of the soul; Anima Rationalis est perfectio Corporis Organici, The Perfection of the body; Now as the soul is the perfection of the body, so is Christ the perfection of the soul. For as the body without the soul is but a loathsome lump of rotteness and putrefaction; so the soul without Christ, is a thing dead in sin as odious in the sight of God as that in the eyes of men; As salt that hath lost its savour such is the soul that hath lost its Saviour. There are two faculties of a Rational soul; the will and the understanding which mutually help and assist one the other; I have heard of two men which traveled together; the one blind and the other lame; the blind carried the lame; and the lame directed the blind. The will of man is blind and therefore must be directed by the understanding; The understanding is lame, and therefore must be carried by the will; When truth itself treated of self denial, he commanded us to cut off Right hands and to pull out right eyes; Where note that he means not the members of the body, but the faculties of the soul, the understanding is the souls eye, by which she sees, The will is her hand by which she acts and these or said to offend when they offend God; but when the one is joined with faith, and the other with obedience, they are both instrumental to bring us to the enjoyment of our Saviour; for by the understanding we know Christ and by the will we lay hold of him. Every man is either spiritual, or carnal: like Solomon's two Harlots, The one carries a living child in her bosom that is the spirit, the other a dead one that is the flesh; The living child is that which breathes in holy desires, cries in devout prayers, sucks in hearing the word, grows in grace and is made perfect in glory; but the dead neither grows, cries, feeds, nor breaths, but is a piece of formal deceit a religious carcase, a whited sepulchre, which is beautiful without, but within full of corruption. The first thing which he that was miraculously restored to his sight beheld, was men, like trees, walking; there is nothing in all the creation so fit an emblem of man as a tree; for as in trees there are three things to be observed; leaves, blossoms, and fruit; so also in men there are three things to be considered; words thoughts and deeds; He that is only verbally good, is like the Barren fig tree which brought forth nothing but leaves; The words of men are like the leaves of the trees, yet oftentimes we know by the leaves what Fruit the tree beareth; the words of the malicious are like the leaves of Holly, very offensive and full of prickles, the words of the unconstant are like the leaves of Aspen, continually wavering, and not to be credited; the words of the deceitful are like the fig leaves which they sew together, and make both cover for their nakedness and cloaks for their iniquity; as for thoughts they are but blossoms, for he that only thinks to do good and puts it not into excecution (like K. Agrippa or the young man in the Gospel) is a false fair promising tree that is full of blossoms but the fruit is nipped in the bud, blasted and never comes to perfection; but men's actions are their fruits; some are like sour grapes which set on edge the teeth of all with whom they have to do; others like the apples of Sodom, appear fair without, but at the first touch turn to ashes; but a godly man like a good tree brings forth pleasant fruit, which like the sweetness of the Vine, both pleases God, and refreshes men. To conclude, all men are trees; they which are good, shall be removed from hence to Paradise; but they which are evil, shall be cut down and cast into the fire. A Religious Prince. IS a representative of God, in a threefold respect; as a Man, as a King, and as a Christian; He is composed of Greatness and Goodness, the Conjunction of which Stars portends happiness to his People; In his breast is the Throne of Honour, and the Parliament of Virtue; where Power and and Piety meet together, and Majesty and Mercy kiss each other. The Rod of Moses brought not so many miseries upon Egypt, as his Sceptre brings blessings upon England; His very presence makes his Land become a Canaan for his innocence and sweetness, like milk and honey refresh the hearts of all his Loyal Subjects. To make him a Man after Gods own heart, he hath been educated in afflictions; he hath carried the Cross before he wore the Crown, and is religious by his second birth, as well as royal by his first; so that he is a King not only by descent but merit; for there is none fit to be the Viceroy of Christ, as he who hath been twelve years his Standard-bearer. If you look into the Court, wonder not to see fantastic Gentlemen and proud Ladies; for even Solomon had his Apes and Peacocks; but take notice that he hath besides these a more Heavenly retinue, which obtain, not their places by bribes or interests. The Cardinal Virtues are his Domestic Servants, and the Graces are his Maids of Honour: His best Harbingers are fervent Prayers, His Cupbearer is Temperance, and Divine thoughts attend him in his Bedchamber; when he would be instructed, the Holy spirit is of his privy Counsel; and when he is in danger, the Angels are his Lifeguard. He is byased in his actions and Ballasted in his passions by the fear of God; Augustus Caesar could not so easily allay his anger by repeating the letters of the Greek Alphabet, as he by thinking of him who is Α and Ω. In a word, we may observe that England in those late bloody times was like the Son of Cis Tormented with an evil spirit, which could not be driven away, till we had sent for David the anointed of the Lord, our lawful King; How excellently he hath turned his instrument, let all the world (that sees our Reformation) Judge; For he hath made Prudence his Tenor, Justice his Base, and Mercy his Treble, strining which he hath skrewed up higher than the rest (as God's mercy is above all his works:) And therefore, those turbulent Spirits which are not pacified with the Music of his Government, but are still ready to cast their Javelins even at Majesty itself, are surely possessed with a worse Devil then that of Saul. A reverend Divine. WE read of Venerable Bede, that being blind he was led by an unhappy boy to preach to a heap of stones. It is the complaint of many people that their preachers are like Bede, blind Guides; It is the grief of more Ministers, that their hearers are like that senseless Congregation, Men of stony hearts; It shall be my prayer, that he who is the Sun of Righteousness, would enlighten the eyes of the one, and mollify the hearts of the other. The Prophets in ancient times were called Seers; a name very incongruous for those of our age; Few of them can see any thing, unless it be moats in the eyes of others, when there are beams in their own. Where then shall we find a true Divine? Diogenes (they say) sought an honest man, and the Place where he sought was Athens the most Famous University of Greece: It often times falls out, that where there is the most Learning, there is the least honesty. But that must not be our Rule; Humane Learning is necessary for a Minister; for without that he may interpret the Gospel, as those Infidels did the words of our dying Lord, when they said, He calls upon Elias to come and save him; or like that bundle of Nonsense tied up in a Cassock that would blot out Eli, and writ Trumpington; or like the Bishop of Dunkelden, who knew neither the Old Testament nor the New. Yet this Knowledge must be sanctified; He that is Mediocriter Doctous, let him be Egregie pius: Profane Gownsmen are like Psapho's Birds; that being let out of their Cage, the Achademy, Fly into the Country Villages, and chirp in the Pulpits their half conned 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, saluting their Creator as the Crows did Caesar with a Complimental 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉: But Latin and Greek Phrases (especially if they flow from unhallowed lips) are but a stronger charm to sleepy Consciences, and dawb an Illiterate Auditory with the untemperate Mortar of the old Babel. Two things therefore qualify a Divine for his Function 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 & 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, Grace and Eloquence; He is in one sense lawfully the Husband of two Wives: Philosophy and Divinity; for the one he did with Jacob, serve seven years at Oxford or Cambride, but alas, she proved a blear eyed Leah, and not so amiable as he expected: But he hath at length gained Rashel, that is, Divinity which is more beautiful and quiker-sighted. He looks upon the sacred scriptures as a dial & the Holy Ghost as the Sun, whose assistance must needs be necessary for them that read for a dial without the sun is useless; yet haying this help we know the truth by the one as well as the time of the day by the other; and therefore he sets the watch of his judgement by this dial; not like the foolish Sectaries whose erroneous opinions are like lying clocks; their brains are full of wheels, which the lusts and passions of their hearts hurry about too fast, and make the hammers of their tongues give many false allarum's; For that bold fanatic that lays aside the holy writ, and walks by a pretended light within, is like the Sexton's wife who scorned the advice of the dial and believed that her husband's clock went truer than the Sun. His doctrine is plain and powerful, and if he use notes, it is only for method and memory; for he delivers nothing but the fruits of his own labour and study. As for his prayers, they are more mental than oral; his words and his meditations hasten towards God as Peter and John towards the sepulchre; but his heart like the beloved disciple out runs his tongue, and his devotion like a bullet peirces the gates of heaven before you can hear the report of the Gun. His preaching may well be called lightning, for it hath the same wonderful operation, it effects broken hearts in sound breasts and melts the soul in the Scabbard of the body. And as he is in regard of doctrine a light of the world so in regard of his Conversation he is the salt of the earth; indeed all good men are salt, for they season others and keep the body politic from stinking. Salt, Sulphur and Mercury, are the three principles of the Chemists. It was the sin and misery of Sodom and Gomorah that they had too little salt, and too much sulphur. Thus all his actions are savoury and well relished without gross scandal that might be nauseous and offensive to the squeamish stomach of a weak brother; for his words and works are the same thing, and his life is a true repetition of his sermon. He well understands what our Savour means by a Prophet's reward, and therefore he hates covetousness, and scorns to listen to a Presbyterian Call; He is well contented with a competent allowance, and accounts the love of his neighbours and the successful fruits of his ministry his best preferment. Neither is he only actively but also passively Good; and as his innocence shows that he is a sheep, so his sufferings argue that he hath been amongst wolves. He hath always honoured the King as his master, and owned the Bishops as his fathers, and for their sake hath been silenced, not imprisoned; Yet he hath chosen to be ejected rather than to take an Oath against his Prince, when he was brought to that hard Dilemma that he could not keep his Benefice and the fifth Commandment. But now this harmless dove that was by the Hand of Providence put out of the Ark of his Parsonage, is returned again with the olive branch of peace in his mouth, to signify that our deluge of blood is well abated; wheresoever therefore he is sent, let him be joyfully received; for (as David said of the Son of Zadock) he is a good man, and he brings good tidings. A Virtuous Woman. IS a true copy of our mother Eve, with a perfect correction of all her Erratas; The second Edition of a piece of Female divinity polished with beauty, and bound up in Chastity, to convince the world that piety and goodness are of the feminine Gender. He that beholds her thinks he sees the prophecy of a new heaven, and a new earth, fulfiled; for her very countenance looks like the shame faced blushes of the first light that peeped out of the ill-shapen Chaos, and all her actions are Symptoms of a new Creature. Her face is like the face of a Cherubin, which she veils in the presence of God, because it is impossible for her to behold his majesty, and covers in the presence of men because it is dangerous for them to look upon her beauty. Yet she hath an eye, not like an ignis fatuus, or false light which leads poor wandering men astray, but like that Star which appeared in the East, brings you to the knowledge of God; for in her looks you may read lectures of modesty which invite not, but check lascivious attempts; and (as the beams of the Sun put out lesser fires) extinguishes the flames of lust in the hearts of incontinent persons. As for her cheeks they are the history of nature, wherein she hath elegantly recorded the wars of York and Lancaster in a fair description of the combat between the white rose and the red. Her body is like a goodly Cedar of Lebanon tall and straight, or rather like the Royal Oak of England, the happy mansion of a most princely Tenant. She is like Apelles his picture, Venus to the Waste; but as for her other parts they are Terra incognita, for in her chamber▪ is the shrine of chastity, and her bed is like the Sepulchre of our Saviour, a place where never man lay. I brief, she is the most admired and the most desired thing here below; as great and strange a wonder upon earth, as she that was clothed with the sun was in heaven; and next to Abraham's Bosom you would choose to lie in hers. To conclude, he that would have such a wife, must resolve to live always unmarried; for she is an imaginary and not a real being, rare as a Phoenix or a Philosopher's stone; and he that would woe her, must travel to Utopia. A Rigid Presbyterian. TO describe him right, is a task like that of the Tailor who took measure of the Devil; for there is nothing more like him upon earth than he; He is lined with Covetousness, and covered with Hypocrisy the root and the cloak of all evil. Although at this time he carries a Bible, at Worcester fight he wore a sword, so that it is hard to say whether he be of the Tribe of Simeon or Levi. He swallows contrary Oaths faster than the Eagles in the Tower do gobbets of flesh; For The way to Hell, and then Consciene of a Presbyterian, are two broad things. He condemns the lawful Rites and Ceremonies of the Church; and is more ravished with the squeaking of a Tithe Pig, then with the Music of Organs. He appears in the Pulpit (like Aesop's Crow) in a dress of borrowed Feathers; for he preaches the works of other men, which are so much the worse for coming out of his mouth, as wares for being of the second hand. But it would grieve your heart to see how he racks the Ancient Fathers, when he makes his own Confession; and mangles the Modern Divines more barbarously than the Hangman did the body of Hugh Peter; I am sure poor Priscian, gets many a broken head. His Eloquence consists altogether in railing, as though he had got his Education at Billingsgate; In his Discourse he runs on like a mad Dog foaming and openmouth, yelping at the Reverend Bishops, and biting his brethren the Sectaries, whom he makes as mad as himself. Yet sometimes he perceives that his stuff is too short for the hower-Glass, and then the wheels of his Rhetoric move very heavily; he than spends much time in humming and spitting, and with the wiping of his nose makes many a filthy Parenthesis. As for his Text, he handles that as Moses did his rod when it was turned into a Serpent, he lays it down and runs away from it. Yet his Sermon lies all written before him; for the poor Copy holder in divinity can do nothing without his notes; This his weakness he would have you think is his worth, for he charges men of able parts with presumption; Yet when he prays, he shuts his eyes preferring nonsense and Tautologies before the divine Liturgy. Vain Wretch! that dares not speak to men without papers, and yet presumes to talk to God extempore. As for his parishioners, he saints or reprobates them according as they pay their Tithes, and like a Gipsy, tells good Fortune to none but those that Cross his hand with a piece of Silver; and by him as well as by the Pope, you may be Canonised for Money: Thus he is a mere Balaam that blesses and curses for reward; He that opposes him acts the part of an Angel, but he that submits to him is worse than an Ass. If you consider his Constancy, he is a kind of religious Proteus, that is now ready to fawn upon that power against which he hath so long barked; If therefore there be a Church in England which consists of men, Surely, The Orthodox Faithful Constant Ministers, are the Doors, Windows, Pillars, Bells and Candlesticks, and Sir John serves only for a Weathercock. It is confessed, that at the beginning of this Happy Reformation he was a little stubborn, perhaps expecting a second war; but now poor Heart!) He hath learned to pray for his Majesty, but (if you could hear the Language of his soul) it is so as impatient Heirs pray for their rich Fathers. There are two sorts of men, who having escaped a deserved pair of Gallows, pray for the King very strangely, that is a Felon, whilst the Executioner burns his hand, and a Traitor, whilst the Devil sears his Conscience. If you would know his name, you way find it subscribed to an ugly Petition, for where Bradshaw was the that condemned; he was one of those Jews that cried Crucify; He professes sorrow for the Martyrdom of our late Sovereign Lord: But believe him not, for his hand helped to hale him to the block: In a word, he is (at best) but a State-Crocodile, and one that is Maudlin drunk with the King's blood. No more, but if you chance to meet with Cleveland's Hue and Cry, you may tell them he was lately in a sequestered Parsonage. A debauched Courtier. IS an unworthy fellow that obtained his office, not for formal Loyalty, but present money; He paid dear for his place; and he that preferred him is like to pay dearer for his corruption. He is a Traitor to God; and therefore can be no good Subject to the King; He acts a double part upon the Theatre of the world, Peter and Judas; Peter to his Maker, and Judas to his Master: for by his drunkenness, swearing and debauchery, he both denies his Redeemer, and betrays his Sovereign. Nor is it strange; for oftentimes the transgressions of servants bring Judgements upon their Lords; A holy Prince confesses and complains of the sins of his heels, that is, of his wicked followers. King Charles the First, who was as little subject to vice, as Achilles to wounds, suffered through the iniquity of his people: Thus it pleased God to smite the Head, for the sins of the Heels. If you cast your eyes upon his outside he seems a kinsman to the man in the Moon, for every month he is in a new fashion; and (instead of true gallantry which once dwelled in the breasts of Englishmen) he is made up of compliments, Cringes, and French Apish tricks, Perfumes, Periwig, Fancies, Knots, Muff and Feather, which make him more fit to be set upon a Farmer's Hovel to scare Crows, then to serve the King in his Royal palace, they are blots in a Prince's Train who have nothing to set them forth but gay and impudent behaviour; For they carry the stalls of pedlars about their knees, and of Tinkers in their foreheads. Indeed rich Garments are fit for honourable persons; but servants ought to imitate the virtues of their Masters and not the fashion of their ; That which becomes a King or Noble Man, is not decent for a Peasant or base fellow; the Lion's skin would not fit the Ass. In wearing Apparel we must observe three Concord's; the first is when a man's apparel agrees with his birth; the second when it agrees with his purse; the third when it agrees with his parts or breeding: He that wears apparel above his birth forgets his parents, he that wears apparel above his purse undoes his children, he that wears apparel above his breeding, is guilty of a false concordance in the rules of morality, and is a very incongruous gentleman. It is a vulgar report, (perhaps a vulgar error) concerning his excellency the Duke of Albermarle, that he once wore a wooden sword in a velvet scabbard; It would be a safer point of faith for the Countrymen to believe that in— there are wooden Courtiers in velvet Coats. It was ingeniously observed by the Fabulist of the fly, that though she boasteth of her nobility, yet she lives only in summer, a true Hieroglyphic of a Courtier that flourishes only in the summer of prosperity and in the Sunshine of his Prince's favour. We read that flies were a plague to King Pharaoh; and so have Parasitical Courtiers been to other Princes; If Domitian had rightly understood this, he would have purged his Court from the one as well as his chamber from the other. In brief, a profane Sycophant in a royal Court is a fly; He was at first but a maggot generated in the Carcase of some decayed family; But now friends & interest have given him wings; that which he most desires is a silver hook, and that which he best deserves is a hempen line; and having these two he is a fit bait to fish for the Devil. An University Bedle. CAnnot be defined like Qui Church for the word Est, comprehends both his genus and difference. He hath got just so much Latin as to call a congregation; in which work his mouth is often opened to very little purpose, and never stopped without great cost. There is nothing so much staggers his faith as our Saviour's miracle of feeding the multitude with five loaves and two fishes, and nothing so much stumbles his obedience as a day of public fasting and humiliation (had he been of the King's counsel, we should not have observed Lent.) He accounts no plague so terrible as famine, no virtue so difficult as temperance, and no Treason comparable to the conspiracy of the members against the belly. He sits down at a feast as a moderator in that great dispute betwixt Os Ossis, and Os Oris, but he never says to the Respondent Abunde satisfecisti: The hungry Scissors wish their knives as deep in his paunch as his in the beef; for he is like to leave them poor reversions; his guts and Gown sleeves, are like Scylla and Charybdis, for that which misses the one, falls into the other. In the temples of the Heathens, there were two Idols; Bell, and the Dragon; In the Churches of the Christians there are two Hieroglyphics, Time and Death; Amongst the Heathens the Beadle might have served for Bell, because he is a great devourer; and amongst the Christians he may be an emblem of time, for he is Edax Rerum. Yet in the University he is not Idolised but made a laughingstock; He is a Jack a Lent to the merry Sophisters; and a mark at which the Tripos and his brothers shoot their fool's bolts; The cock is not so much thrown at on Shrove-Tuesday, as he on Ash-wednesday. Yet he is a man whose conversation is void of offence; for he never does wrong to any but his Breeches. His practice is contrary to that of the Pharises for he makes clean the inside of cups and platters. He is a great example of patience in suffering all those jokes, jeers, Quirks, tricks, and abuses, that are put upon him; He makes use of them as sour sauce to make his sweet gains have the better relish. In a word, though he bear the outside of an Achademian he is a man better fed then taught, having a fat paunch and a lean pate, a full purse and an empty brain; he employs his tongue to find his teeth work, and his life is like that of a Swine, he is always either crying or eating. A Fanatic. IS a new name for an old Heresy; one of the Dragon's Angels, who being cast out of Heaven, is now come to make war upon earth; He would have you believe, that he fights for the Gospel, although the Gospel forbids fight; he calls his Captain Jesus a Saviour, when in truth he is Apollyon a Destroyer: When he pretends to worship God, he intends to Massacre his neighbours, and like Pilate mingles blood with his sacrifices: Thus he abuses our Gracious King's Mercy, by committing murder in the Streets; for when Justice is dormant in the Court, cruelty is rampant in the City. Peace and Truth are the Jachim and Boaz, both of Church and State; The Phanaticke doth really pull down the one, whilst he professes to build up the other. He scatters his blasphemous Libels in the Streets, and high ways, as they that are infected with the Pestilence do their Caps, Gloves and Hand-kerchiefs; but amongst all the plagues of Egypt, there is none like his. When Oliver Cromwell tolerated liberty of erroneous Opinions, it was as when Epimetheus opened Pandora's box; for the one let out as many Diseases upon the soul, as the other upon the body. The Opinions and judgements of men, are like their faces; Amongst all those Millions and multitudes in the world, there is not any two so like, but they may be known one from the other. Yet a thousand several faces, though by some small token they may be known asunder, may every one of them have the Image of man; and a thousand several souls, though they differ in some slight notions and circumstantial points of judgement, may all of them have the Image of God. But the fanatics, and all that prodigious offspring of the Rumps Reformation, are Monsters in Religion, having not the right make and shape of Christians, but either adding to or diminishing from the holy Scriptures; Though they are Giants in Rebellion, yet they are but Pigmies in Piety, Antipodes in Faith, Deficients in what they ought to do and believe, and Redundants in what they ought not, and mere Heteroclites in Divinity. Religion, that should be a matter of practice, they have made a business of Controversy; the Itch of disputing is grown to such a scab in the Church, that it will hardly be cured without some such Brimstone as fallen upon Sodom and Gomarrah. Thus the childerens if this Generation are like presumptuous servants, that seek rather to know their Masters secret Counsels, then to obey their known Wills; studying strange Arguments to defend their Heterodox tenants, as though the spring of Living Water were Ezek, a Fountain of Contention, or Sitnah, a Well of Hatred. Neither do they only inveigh against the Orthodox Clergy, but (as though the kingdom of Beelzebub were divided against itself) fall out one with another; when instead of the still voice of the Spirit, and the Language of Canaan, you may hear Deceiver, Antichrist, Liar, Dog, Devil, and such like Rhetorical expressions fall from their mouths, filling the place of their Conventicle with such a noise as was in the Streets of Sodom, when the rude Infidels beset Lot's house; Surely the Sabbath of the Lord hath been much profaned both by us, and our Fathers; for they maintained the baitings of Bears and Bulls; and we the fight of these beasts of Ephesus. It is reported of Gregory the great Bishop of Rome, that seeing some English Children in the Market to be sold, he said, they might well be called Angli, for they seemed unto him Angels; but had he seen the Men of this Age, he would rather have named them Diaboli, Devils; He did not then see so much of the beauty of England in Rome, as he might now see of the abominations of Rome in England. For there is a great mystery of Iniquity, the grief of Wise men, and the wonder of ignorant, that some rebellious Zelots under a pretence of keeping out Popery should endeavour to bring it in for to rise up in arms against our lawful King, is a thing which Jesus never taught, and none but the Pope ever tolerated. It is not the harmless and decent ceremony of Organs that can be looked upon as a sign of Popery, but those seditious Priests, that cry against them are themselves the Pope's organs and the Devils instruments; the one blows the bellows of their discontented spirits, and the other plays upon the keys of their railing tongues, and thus they make an unpleasant music, which consists altogether of discords. But as when God first brought man into the world, he was naked, to signify that his Creator was not ashamed of his work, so when the Devil first brought sin into the world it was clothed with an excuse, lest its odious nature should too soon be seen; and amongst the rest these of theft, murder, treason and sacrilege, have been covered with a mantle of tenderness of conscience; but (believe it Reader,) if the skins of these men were as tough as their consciences, and their flesh, as hard as their hearts, they would be both axe and Halter proof; they might laugh at the block and defy the gallows. Thus hath England for some years been Tomos an Island of Sects; Religion (like joseph's coat a thing of many colours died in difference, and dipped in blood: Truth like Sibyl's leaves by strange Winds of doctrine blown into confusion; and Bold fanatics running from the shopboard to the pulpit, and from the pulpit to the gibbet, where we leave them to take their swing; for he that will not have Charles to be his King, must accept of Dun to be his Priest. A Whore. THe young Persian (who for his wisdom was called Darius his Cousin) treated of 2 things, the prevalency of Truths, and the strength of women; Indeed the strength of women hath been sufficiently manifested in the fall of the first man, the ruin of the strongest man, and the backsliding of the wisest man; yet job (through patience) was able to stand, maugre the Devil and his wife; so that it is neither age, strength, nor wisdom, but patience that can overcome a Woman; Patience must be a shield for him that is married, and continence for him that is not: for lust is the Devil's bonfire wherein poor man is burned with his own rib. The royal preacher speaking concerning a Harlot, calls her a strange Woman, but we usually term her a common-woman; and no wonder, for those sins which were strange in Solomon's days, are common in ours. Now this strange common-woman is a kind of Land Siren, far more dangerous than they in the Sea; for he that falls into her hands, runs a threefold hazard, of destroying soul, body and estate. In her face there hangs some rags of ore-worn beauty like old in a Brokers window to make you believe that there are better wares within; and the Language of her eyes is, What do you lack Sir? Yet he that trade's with her, is like to have a sad purchase, for she can sell him nothing but repentance and a foul disease. If she be a great person, she hath two necessary implements to help and to hid her infirmities, a Black-a-moore, and a little Dog; for without these, she would be neither fair nor sweet. For her cheeks, she hath an artificial dye, and (contrary to the rules of Heraldry,) she lays mettle upon mettle, and colour upon colour. Argent upon Or, and Gules upon Sables. It is reported of an ingenious Limner, that he pictured a Boy carrying Grapes; The Grapes were so lively painted, that the Birds of the Air catched at them, thinking they had been really what they seemed: whereupon the Painter did as much dislike one part of his work, as he had reason to commend the other; saying, That had he painted the Boy as lively as the Grapes, the Birds would have been afraid to come so near: Even so a Female Paintresse excels in one part of her work, and fails in the other. Beauty which is half the outside of a complete Lady, she can so handsomely portray, that wanton Youngsters like silly Birds, are ready to catch at the Grapes of her Lips; but could she paint Modesty as well as Beauty, Lascivious men would keep further off. But she that prostitutes her own flesh, and let's out her Hackney body for hire, will make use of all advantages to draw in Custom, and to advance Trading, as rude behaviour, unclean talk; and if she have a skin clearer than her Conscience, bare breast and shoulders like the nakedness of Bathsheba, who did at the same instant pollute David's soul, whilst she washed her own body. Thus she makes sinful Merchandise of herself, and converts that which should be a Temple of the Holy Ghost, into a stall of beastly lusts, much like the zeal of our late times, who made a stable of Paul's Church. As for her upper parts, they are the shop of Cupid, and her lower parts are his Warehouse; at length old age makes her turn Bankrupt, spoils her game, and in graves wrinkles, where she once painted Roses, and then with all her black spots and patches, she looks but like an old resty Gammon of Bacon stuck with Cloves, scarce so beautiful, but I am sure not half so savoury; and then she is like a rotten stick, which serves only to kindle green ones: The place where she is most a stranger, is the Church, and the place which she best deserves is a pair of stocks; but where she most desires to be, is a Tavern or a Playhouse; Sometimes like Dinah she walks the streets, sometimes like Jael she stands at the Door, and sometimes like Jezabel she looks out at the window. In brief, she is a loathsome stinking Carrion, too unclean to enter into Heaven, too diseased to continue long upon earth, the shame and slain of her Sex, the scorn of wise men, and the destruction of fools; too foul a subject to be touched with any thing but a pen or a pair of Tongues, and therefore I have done with her. Foh how she stinks. A happy Rustic. IS one whose Conversation is in Heaven, and his Habitation in the Country; Where he enjoys two things (which are very rare in the City) a sweet Air, and a good Conscience. He is such to God, as he would have the Earth to be to himself fruitful, according to that talon which is lent him, and as in his labour he tastes the fruit of his sin, so in his enjoyments he eats the fruit of his labour. He is good out of a double principle, partly out of ignorance of the evil he knows not, but chief out of detestation of that he knows: He hath studied Piety, more than Courtship, and knows better how to pray then Compliment. Emanuel Thesaurus makes a kind of jest at our Father Adam's fall, and says, quia Deum non coluit, Terram coluit, but the honest Ploughman doth both; for though his employment be like the employment of Cain, yet his sacrifice is like the sacrifice of Abel; in this he differs from the silken Apes of London; he hath dirty hands, and a clean heart. He is early up both at his Devotion and Labour, the watchful Cock is his Chaplain, whose crowing puts him in mind not only of his work, but of his sins, as it once did Peter: The greatest part of the Day he spends in honest pains; and when he takes his recreation, it is harmless, wholesome and manful. Although he abounds not in wealth, he is master of one precious Jewel, a contented mind, which (like the Philosopher's stone) turns all it toucheth into Gold, and makes every condition pleasant. In short, he is one, at whose door the weary Cynic may set down his Lantern, and say, 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. A Beastly-Drunkard. I, Who these 26. years have been a Pilgrim in the wilderness of this world, have observed therein two sorts of Beasts; There are Quadrupedes, or fourfooted Beasts, and these did God make in the great world; and there are Bipedes, or two-footed Beasts, and these did man make in the little world of himself: Unto the Beasts which God made, did Adam give names; but unto the Beasts which Man made, did the Devil give names: Amongst the rest, a Drunkard, which is in truth no other than a Swine, doth our Grand Impostor call a good fellow. But away with this vizzord, such good fellows are not fit to have fellowship with God, nor society with good men, but rather to go in the company of that bristled Herd, which is turned out before the Swine-ard. A Drunkard is inwardly (and some times outwardly) a beast; he was once a man, but his His Hostess Circe or Morphandra, with the powerful charm of her Pots and Flagons, hath quite changed his shape: He was once a free man, but now he is a slave to his own lust; For he that makes Indentures with his feet, doth bind himself Apprentice to Sensuality; he is condemned to the Prodigals drudgery, that is, To feed swine, to foster and foment an insatiable brutish appetite which hath learned the Language of the Horseleeches daughter, Give, Give. Lastly, he was once a living man; but now he is dead in sin and (like the French Ambassadors child) hath his heart buried in a cup. In the curse of Jeroboam God threatens to cut off him that pisseth against the wall; the Drunkards may well have a share in this curse; for they live only to piss against the wall, even the lavish expense of that which should relieve and secure their poor wives and children: But surely the stones of those walls shall cry out against these men at the day of judgement. But to conclude, let him that is an immoderate drinker, remember the Story of Dives; there is no tippling in Hell; Let him remember the Story of Judas, the sop made way for the Devil; Let him consider the words of the young Prophets to Elisha, There is death in the Pot. An ignorant old man. IS one who dishonours his Age by his folly; a man in years, but a child in understanding; he hath lived so long, till the world and himself are mutually weary one of another. And he cares not how soon he leaves this, if he were but prepared for a better; he is grown very near his grave, but far enough from Heaven; in his crookedness his soul and body observe an equal proportion; for neither of them walk, uprightly: He will tell you many stories of things that were done in the days of Queen Elizabeth, and yet you may pose him, if you ask him what he remembers of the last Sermon he heard; Thus like a Crabfish, he is crawling towards his long home, and yet he looks backward at his former follies, not considering his latter end, spending most of his days in cunning his Preterperfect tense, but not at all regarding the Future. Old men when they are vexed and discontented, are very apt to invite death; but (in cold blood) wondrous unwilling to give him entertainment. Aesop tells us of an aged Man, who being grievously laden with a bundle of sticks, cast them down; and as though his Life had been a burden unto him as well as his wood, he began very passionately to call for Death: Death, (who seldom stays till he is called or sent for) on the sudden appears Vouz Avez, Master Mors, What would my Grandsire have? The old man that was willing to live another winter, and to warm his fingers with the Fuel which he had provided; entreated the grim Skelleton, that he would only help him up with his load. Thus carnal spirits in some formal Confession, may throw down the burden of their sins, and desire to be dissolved; but when the pale Messenger, who must work his Dissolution, once knocks at the door and cries, Adsum, Oh how loath they are to die? they had rather still live in their former slavery, although it is to be porters to sin, and packhorses to Satan. Have you never been entertained in a Noble Man's buttery, and observed the policy of the servants how you must first drink with one, then with another, after him with another, until every one hath had a single course at you, and at last run you quite off your legs; thus abusing their Lord's Hospitality, by making men drunk. Just such is the world, where several temptations strive to intoxicate the poor stranger, man; there is a thing called Cupid, which drinks the Sack of Eyes, and the Claret of Lips; There is a thing called Mammon, who like Cleopatra, or Sir Thomas Gresham, doth swallow Pearls and Jewels: There is another called Revenge, which drinks nothing but blood. In this Company, hath our old man tippled away the Morn of his Youth, the Noon of his Strength, and the Evening of his Age, and is now laid down to take a nap in the Grave, where we leave him till the Resurrection. A Player. IS an Artificial fool, that gets his living by making himself ridiculous; he hath licked up the Vomit of some drunken Poet & (like a juggler) casts it up again before a thousand Spectators. He is the ignorant man's Wonder, the rich man's Jester, and the Devil's Factor, that by a strange delusion sends men laughing to hell. Yet I confess that Comedies, (if not profane nor lascivious) may be sometimes lawful recreations for great Persons, whose melancholy heads are daily troubled with weighty Affairs: But unto incontinent Youth, (those Martyrs of Lust, and uncleanness) they are but as Oil to their flames, and as bags of gunpowder tied under their Arms. Hence it was that Heroic Sidney upon his Deathbed condemned that rare Monument of his matchless wit, his Arcadia to be burned, fearing perhaps lest it should burn others; Romances and Plays, are dangerous Edge-tools, which unwary Readers must not meddle with: They are hot burning Irons, which Chaste Ladies like the Empress Kunnigund may safely handle without hurt, whilst other go away with burned— and seared Consciences. The effeminate Citizens of Sybaris, were so much given to mirth and jollity, that they taught their very Horses to dance, but when the Martial Trumpet called forth these Carpet Knights into the Field, the merry Palfreyes' (according to their former Education) danced deaths dance before their Enemies. How many of the more effeminate English are trained up in wantonness, dancing and playing? But I wonder how they will dance at the sound of the last Trumpet, or what new Mask they will have at the day of Judgement. But not to regard these Shadows, let us look a little at the Substance; our Life is but an Interlude; Happy is he that acts his part well. There are some who turn a Comedy into a Tragedy, and as the first Psalm, begin with Blessedness, and end with perishing; But he is the most excellent Actor, who imitates Christ, and the best Comedy is a Holy Conversation. A Mechanic Magistrate. WHen God first created Man, he did miraculously form him out of the Dust of the Earth, without the Medium of Natural Generation; and when Christ first Ordained Ministers, he did extraordinarily call poor Fishermen from their Nets, who had not the help of Humane Learning; So likewise, there was a time when God raised up Magistrates from mean employments, Saul from seeking Asses, David from keeping Sheep, Sanga● and Gideon from Husbandry to be Kings and Judges over his people. But now miracles are ceased; and although all men are Created by God, yet they are begotten by men their Fathers. And though all lawful Ministers are sent by God, yet they are outwardly called by Bishops, the Fathers of the Church; though all true Magistrates are appointed by God, yet they must have their Commissions from the King, who is the Supreme Earthly Magistrate, and the Father of the Country. We must not now look to see men immediately created, or Magistrates and Ministers miraculously inspired and called; It is folly and presumption to seek after either; for there is as much unwarrantableness in the one, as impossibility in the other. Yet our Jereboam, Cromwell, did not only make Priests of the meanest of the people, but Justices of the basest of Tradesmen. We read that Julius Caesar was stabbed to death with bodkins; I confidently believe that it were the bodkins of Tailors, the Awls of Cobblers, and the tools of other Mechanics, not the Swords of any true Nobility, or Gentry, that murdered our late Caesar of Glorious memory. And these blew-aprond Benchers were called, The Keepers of the Liberty of England, and yet enemies to Truth, disturbers of Peace, perverters of Judgement, and blots in the Magna Charta, both of Humane and Divine Laws. Such a one was he who knew no other Law but that of the Sword, and desired to act by an illegal arbitrary power. He was a great Enemy to Fiddlers, Wakes, and Maypoles; but poor beggars he persecuted without mercy: For observe, There was none so cruel against beggars, as those that made them so; When they came to his door, he would show them the Courtesy of the Town, a pair of Stocks or Whiping-post, and sometimes his Charity would prefer them to a Prison: He lived frugally upon his ill-purchased Lands, foreseeing perhaps the Change that was to follow: For his Counsel he made use of his Clerk, and some neighbouring Priest who came into the Pulpit, by the same sword that brought him upon the Bench; And for his Almoner, he kept a great Mastiff Dog, who would open at a stranger as loud as a Son of the Kirk of Scotland, when he rails against the Prelates, and common-prayer-book. The baseness of his spirit was seen in his insulting over Noble and Honourable Persons; for he made his betters to buckle, and comply, and taught even Lords themselves to say Shibboleth; As for those that stood out, he robbed them both of their profits and pleasures, and allowed them neither wealth nor recreation, but made their Houses become their Prisons, and confined them to their own thresholds. Thus were the poor Gentlemen enclosed in a Magic Circle, where they continued until this Devil was conjured down; For they durst not so much as ride a hunting for fear of him, who (like Nimrod) was himself the greatest Hunter. But now (blessed be God) that Game is over, and some of those Dogs, who (like Actaeon's Hounds,) worried their Master, are already hanged, and the rest have Clogs, and Collars; and as for his Worship, he is out of Commission, abused, contemned, reviled and trampled upon by those people, amongst whom he lately acted his part, and played Justice Nimis to some, and Nihil to others. The Case is altered, and Heaven hath now restored our Judges as at the first, and our Counselors as at the beginning, and the Mechanical Magistrate is now made an Example, and not a Minister of Justice. A scandalous Minister. TRue it is that we have all failings, and every soul may read that word in Belshazzars Handwriting, and apply it to himself; TEKEL, Thou art weighed in the balance and found wanting; Yet there is an allowance for light Gold, and Charity will abate us of some of our infirmities: There are degrees of wickedness, as well as goodness; and as one Star differs from another in Glory, so one sin differs from another in Malignity; men's transgressions are like their Talents, some have more, and some less; Chorazin and Bethsaida▪ out-sinned Tyre and Sidon; There are scandals in Grain, and sins of a deep Die, which not only cry, but roar for vengeance. There is no man lives without offence, and yet there are some offences which make men unfit to live, as Treason, Murder, and others; There is no Minister without sin, and yet there are some sins which may make a minister unworthy to follow his Function. If a Lawyer be once proved to be faced like Janus, and to receive a Fee from the Plaintiff, and a Bribe from the Defendant, he is presently thrown over the Bar, and suffered no longer to Plead; and why may not a Priest, that pleads for God in his words, and yet solicits for the Devil in his actions, be cast out of the Pulpit, and suffered no longer to preach? If thy right eye offend thee, pull it out, and cast it from thee; If the Parson who is, (or at leastwise should be) the right eye of the Parish, be scandalous, let him be pulled out and ejected, for better it is that one man should suffer in temporal things, then that a whole Congregation of souls should perish for want of knowledge. Now there are divers scandals, which brings stains to the Black-Coats of the Clergy; There is idleness, swearing, Sabbath-breaking, and drunkenness, the old-fashioned sins of the Cassock, which caused our late Eclipse of Episcopacy; And there is Pride, Covetousness, Hypocrisy, Envy, Malice, and others the new fashioned sins of the Jump, who have, (or I hope will cause) the downfall of that Dagon, Presbytery; And all these are abominations in the sight of God burdens to the people, Black-patches in the face of Divinity, and blots in the Scutcheon of Levi. A scandalous Minister is a profane ignorant dunce, whom his Parents (looking more at the dirty lucre of Tithes, than the weightiness of the Calling) designed for the Priesthood, although he were as unfit for that work, as blind Tobit to be a Centinel, or Mephisbosheth to be a Foot-post. In order to his preferment, they sent him to the University, where he eaten, drank, and slept, played a match or two at Football, stole a Pig, ran away from the Proctor, and stayed seven years to as much purpose, as the King of France with twenty thousand men, went up the Hill, and so came down again. At length, making a Friend of Mammon he obtains a Benefice, where, by his weak discharging of Cure, and his evil ordering of his Conversation, he made the Clergy begin to grow odious, and many Conscientious people for want of bread at home, to run to other Churches, and if it were not to be had there, to turn Separatists, keep private Conventicles, listen to Lay-Preachers, and at length come to be preachers themselves; for his weakness made them too much presume upon their own strength; For because many (through bribery and corruption) have obtained an outward Call to the Ministry without Qualifications, it hath made others exercise their Qualifications without a Call; Were it not for slothful Shepherds, the Wolves would be kept out; and were it not for such pitiful Sir john's, we should not have so many Sectaries. He is in his Pulpit A Cloud without water, a black thing hanging over the heads of the people, but there is no Doctrine drops from him like the Rain, nor Speech like the Dew upon the tender herbs; but a strange hodgepodge discourse, stuffed with the husks and shells of Divinity, which in stead of Explaining the Scripture makes it more dark, like a thick Curtain drawn before a window, which keeps out the light, and makes those that are in a Lethargy of ignorance to sleep more securely. Many years had he not followed this trade, but (as though providence had had a mind to wean him from the dugs of the Bell-ropes) he was by Cromwell's Commissioners unlawfully, had hanged him up, I think they had neither committed Murder, nor he suffered Martyrdom. But now thrusting himself in amongst those learned and pious Divines, who suffered for Conscience, Truth, and Loyalty, he is returned with a prodigious Omen to his poor neighbours; who fie to see the Ravens come back as well as Doves; he hath now possession of his Pulpit, although it would be fit for him to be amongst the Bears in Paris-Garden: And blind Balaam is once more got into the saddle, but I beshrew that hand, which held him the stirrup. And now (instead of promises of Reformation) he gins to Court his Parishioners with Rehoboams Compliment, telling them that now his finger shall be thicker than his loins were before, and that now he may tipple, Cum Privilegio; and as for swearing, the Crime is Venial. And (lastly) that nothing which can be charged against, him can make him uncapable of enjoying his Benefice, save only if he speak against the Persons or power of Prelates. Truly (Reader) If it were so, the Bishops would stand as long as the Pageants in London streets, and no longer; If they be zealous in punishing their own enemies, and slack in punishing the Enemies of God; If he that speaks against an earthly Prelate, must taste of a Pillory, and have his ears pay for the boldness of his Tongue; and yet profane swearers, who blaspheme the name of Christ (who is the Bishop of our souls) be mildly checked with a Not so my sons, and still permitted to serve at the Holy Altar, we shall then see Lawn sleeves once again whipped out of the Temple; if they will not maintain the Honour and Glory of God, than God will not maintain theirs; but suffer their Glory to be taken from their heads, and their Honour to be laid in the dust. It was a great Error in old Eli to condemn Devotion for Drunkenness; It would be a greater in his Successors, to tolerate Drunkenness in stead of Devotion. But let the Country have more honourable thoughts of the Reverend Hierarchy, and expect a sudden winnowing and sifting of the Ministry: For both God in his Word, and the King in his Declaration, have promised us able Preachers; and the Overseers must take care that their will be done. A Loyal Subject. FEar God, and Honour the King, are two duties which the Apostle hath joined together; and therefore no man can separate them. He that is not a good Subject, cannot be a good Christian. He that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, can not love God whom he hath not seen; and as in love, so in fear, honour, and obedience we may observe, that he that honoureth not the King, who is his visible God, can not serve God who is his invisible King. It was a sad complaint of Cardinal Woolsey, that he had been very diligent and careful to serve the King, but too unmindful and negligent to serve God; (I wish that his words be not fit for the mouths of some of our age) Yet the Modern Rebels made a shift to avoid that Rock, but lost themselves in the Quicksands of Disloyalty; And pretended to serve God, whilst they denied obedience to his Vicegerent. And therefore if Woolsey served the King, it was for his own base ends; And if our Covenanting Zelots served God, it was only to make him a Patron of their Rebellion. A loyal Subject is a good Christian who carefully and conscientiously observes both the first and the fifth Commandment, and carries a fair Correspondence both to Heaven and Earth, not robbing God to pay Caesar, but rendering honour, fear, tribute, homage, and service to whom they are due. It follows then, He is no swearer, for therein he would dishonour the Majesty of Heaven, and pull down a judgement upon the Kingdom; Because of Oaths the Land mourns, And where the Land mourns, I know not how the King should be merry; He who speaks treasonable words deserves death, then what will become of swearers and blasphemers, who daily speak treasonable words against the King above. Neither is he one of those Pot-Champions, who have nothing to manifest their faithfulness, but that they talked of his Majesty in the Tavern, he remembers the King in his Prayers, oftener than in his Cups; and is very sensile of that Cup, which his Saviour and his Sovereign both drank of, and hath chosen rather to pledge them in a bitter draught of Affliction spiced with sequestration and imprisonment, and having a block or Gallows at the bottom; then to tipple in those base Elements of Wine and Beer; for to drink bowls and glasses of Sack, will sooner increase the wealth of the King of Spain, than the health of the King of England. In a word, (although it may be more easy to show you what he is not, than what he is) he is a prudent Counsellor, a faithful Informer, and a valiant Soldier, like Joseph to King Pharaoh, like Mordeca to King Ahashuerus, and like Monk to King Charles. A Male content. IS a thing quite▪ contrary to a Temporizer, for he swims always against the Tide: His chief end is that he may be taken notice of in the World; and (like Theudas) he boasteth himself to be some body; he is an Enemy both to Civil and Religious Ordinances, and is offended at that which even God himself hath set up: He was not pleased in the days of the Old King, nor contented in the time of Tyranny, neither is he satisfied now, but having seen two days, and a night he hath still continued in an unquiet condition, for in the day time the heat of the Sun hath molested him; and in the night he hath barked at the moon; He is not altogether void of learning; but hath Philosophy enough to make him an Atheist; And Divinity to serve him to take God's Name in vain; Yet he is a mere child in Knowledge, continually crying and whining, and knows not what he would have. His ignorance is joined with wilfulness, which makes it beyond the cure of a Morter. He hath been used to Cant very Highly, which hath endangered (if not effected) the cropping his lugs; but such a poor punishment doth but harden him in his folly, for they cannot circumcise his heart with his ears. In short, he is a mere Lilburn, or King-Fisher, Who, though you should hang him up, would turn his breast against the wind. A noble Spirit. IS one that hath really attained to that which King Agrippa was almost persuaded unto, that is Christianity, which is a kind of Nobility that comes by the second birth much more excellent than that of blood; yet if he be of an honourable Family, it adds lustre to his Religion, and makes his virtues more conspicuous; However he hath a more than ordinary birthright, not only above all other Creatures as a Man, but above other men as a Christian; and is possessed of not only the one Talon that is Natural, Reason, and the two, that is the Law of Moses; but also of the five, that is the Gospel of Christ; Thus by Adoption he is the eldest brother and his Portion is more than double the Jews and the Heathens. And by the improvement of these Talents, he is grown very rich in grace, having found out and purchased that Treasure which is hid in a Field, redeemed his time, renewed his Covenant, and bought the Truth, which is better than Riches; better than Riches indeed, for it is a sure stock, not subject to the corruption of Moth and Rust, or the violence of Thiefs and Robbers, but beyond the Reach of Rumps, Devils, or Sequestrators. He Trafficks by his bounty to the poor, as Merchants by Bills of Exchange, freely disbursing part of his Estate here, well knowing he shall receive it a thousand fold hereafter; Nay more, he hath learned the highest point of Religion, that is, To do good to them who do evil to him; and this is Christians Vnguentum Armentarium, which heals the Patient by being applied unto the instrument wherewith he is wounded. To conclude, he is compounded of an Ounce of Serpent, and a Pound of Dove, Martha, and Mary, a Protestant Faith, and a Roman Catholic Charitle. A bad Wife. WHen the common enemy of Mankind, Satan had obtained a commission from the high Court of Heaven to afflict poor Job; he took away his Sheep, Camels, Asses, Oxen, Servants, and Children, but 'tis observed he left him that (cursed thing) they call his wife; Oh the subtlety of the old Fox! Who in every particular affliction slew all his servants save only one whom he left to grieve him wiah the news of his losses, and so likewise in his general calamity slew all his near relations but only his Wife, whom he left to vex and torment him, for he thought he did him as much injury in leaving her as in taking his children. When our first Parents made themselves Garments of Fig leaves to cover their nakedness, in what fashion they were, I cannot tell; but one translation calls them Aprons, and an other Breeches; and no marvel, for in London it is common for Men to wear Aprons, but more common for Women to wear Breeches. When Apprentices have served out their time, and are made free, they usually say they have buried their Wives; It seems than they account their apprenticeship a marriage, if so let the words be termini convertibiles, for (without question) marriage is an apprenticeship. In a word, if you would know what an evil Woman is, ask the Citizens of London, they can best inform you; she is a great burden, and a grievous cross, which none knows but he that hath her. The R— Parliament. WAs the dregs and dross of a Senate, a small number met together in the name of the— and doubtless he was in the midst of them; At Westminster they kept Shop, and hired some wide-mouthed Presbyters to Cry in the City and Country Pulpits what Wares they had to sell, viz Religion and Reformation; and two things were carried before the Speaker, The Mace, and the good Old Cause: The one he had to show his Authority, and the other to cover his—. The Mace was like a golden or silver Dream, which commonly Ushers in ill Luck, and The good Old Cause, like the Curtain in the Frontispiece of Argalus and Parthenia, which hides the Argument and Contents of the book. But at length The Mystery of Iniquity appeared in its colours, and all their promises proved like the Heathenish Oracles capable of a double signification, for they did according to their pretence make the King glorious, but after an inglorious manner; wickedly accomplishing that, which Caligula sinfully desired a general Destruction at one blow, a Decollation both of Prince and People. Thus England, that had for many hundred years enjoyed the blessings of God, in the happy constitution and lawful name of Kingdom was (according to the Principles of Dippers) rebaptised in blood, Christened Commonwealth, signed with the sign of the Red-Cross, that she might not be ashamed to fight under the Banners of disloyal Regicides. Then was we like Hugh Peter his strange Beast, Monstrum Horrendum, a thing like a Kingdom, and yet no Kingdom; there was more legs in one side then the other, and the tail stood where the head should stand; then had not the Tower so many savage Creatures as the Parliament House, and the Serpent's skin was not so monstrous a sight, as the Scottish Covenant. A long time they sat; but to what purpose? To wove Spiders webs, & to hatch Cockatrice-egs; They made fine Cobweb-lawes, that would catch little Felons, but would not hold Grand-Traitors? Petty thiefs did sometimes stand at the Bar, whilst great ones sat upon the Bench; and blind Justice prepared a pair of Stocks for one sort of Drunkards, and a Throne for another; as though it were a greater sin to be drunk with Wine, then Blood. But herein was the height of their malice and cruelty, that as they had destroyed God's Image in their own souls and Man's Image in the KING'S Body, so they thought it necessary to leave our Caesar's Image upon the pieces of money, and for their Coin, devised a new stamp, a new Inscription, Deus nobiscum: no wonder, It was a right Motto, for the Silver was their Emanuel, and of the Monies they might truly say, God with us. But Heaven was just; and for all these things God called them to an account. They who for a long time had used tedious Prayers, as so many Graces before their meals, of Widow's houses; They which had swallowed up such sweet morsels of unjustly sequestered lands, they who were intoxicated with the Wine of the Grapes of Naboths Vineyard, began now to surfeit, fell extreme sick, and were necessitated to one of these Remedies, either the Halter, or the Act of indemnity. As for those who died in their beds, and had their Trials adjourned till the Day of Judgement; although their Deaths were not Answerable to their deserts, yet they were suitable to their lives, and their latter end, were like their beginning, and the rest of their actions. They lived and died notorious thiefs, for as in their life-time they plundered the Church, so at their death they robbed the Gallows. FINIS.