THE GHOST OF THE EMPEROR Charles the Fifth, Appearing to VOLCART the PORTER: OR, A Dialogue touching the Times.  

April 1st. 1690.  
This may be Printed,  
ROB. MIDGLEY.   
LONDON, Printed for John Newton, at the Three Pigeons over-against the Inner Temple-gate in Fleetstreet. 1690.   

THE GHOST of the EMPEROR Charles the Fifth, Appearing to VOLCART the Porter, etc.  The Ghost. 
GOOD cheer Friend: prithee where abouts am I, and how far is it to the Low Countries?  Volcart. 
You seem not well awake Sir, in ask for the Low Countries, when you are no wat Brussels.  Ghost. 
Ah do not insult over a poor unhappy Shadow, that has had no rest for this hundred and thirty Years. Did you know who I were, be you Friend or Foe, you would show me some respect.  Volcart. 
Pray let's hear then who you are, that we may know what respect is due to you; for my being a Porter does not hinder me from being able to give as good account of things as another; and tho' I have not lived an hundred and thirty Years, yet have I lived the best part of that time; which makes a Man old enough not to be afraid of Ghosts and Shadows. Pray then ask what you please, for I have past no small time of my life at Court.  Ghost. 
Good Friend do not trifle with me; you tell me you know Brussels, and what has passed in the World. Pray what's your name, you that speak? for if you be of Quality, I shall presently know you; are you the Duke of Arschot, Count Egmont, Count▪ Horn, the Marquis de Bergues: These are Persons well known in Flanders.  Volcart. 
God forbidden I should pretend to be so great as any of these; no, no, I am only a poor Doorkeeper, my name Volcart. But pray let's know what's yours.  Ghost. 
Why I am the Ghost of Charles V he that ruled not only the Provinces we speak of; but carried his name much farther: so that I need say no more to thee.  Volcart. 
You Charleses V you are an Imposter, were you that great Prince, you would know the place where you are, seeing you built it.  Ghost. 
Ah! I begin to know whereabouts, I am; 'tis true it was I that built this Palace, but why dost thou make me remember a thing which was the beginning of my misery? Dost thou know why I built it, and for what end it served me?  Volcart. 
No; unless it were to hang Pictures in; at least this is the common report. But is it possible, that you are that great Prince, whom I have heard so much of, and whose Memory is in so great veneration in these Provinces?  Ghost. 
The very same.  Volcart. 
And what brings you into these Countries?  Ghost. 
The desire of knowing what passes. Thou knowest I was born here, and that the love of ones Native Country never dies. Another reason brings me here besides, I am willing to instruct my Descendants, how they may be more happy than 1 Here's the wretched place where I began to lose my Innocency; I had ranged Pictures here, as thou now sayest, of all the Princes of Europe; but to my misfortune, none of 'em appeared so beautiful to me, as that of my Sister the Queen of Hungary. I was always gazing on it; Cursed be the Painter that made her so handsome, which gave me a desire to behold the Original, which appeared to me far more beautiful than its Picture. I could take no pleasure after this, but in her company. What shall I say, I loved her, she loved me. And this is the cursed effect of these abominable Pictures.  Volcart. 
How! methinks this does not well agree with your Character, for I comprehend by this, that the Love you had for her, was of another nature, than that which is usual between Brother and Sister.  Ghost. 
Very true; and would to God it had not proceeded so far, I should not have sighed as I have done, and been driven to this despair. But to make an end of this discourse, dost know who Don John of Austria was?  Volcart. 
Know who he was? yes, sure; he was Governor of these Provinces, and I have admitted thousands and thousands of Persons into the Palace to speak with him.  Ghost. 
That is impossible; for tho' thou art otherwise old enough, yet not so old as to have seen him. It's about an hundred and thirty Years ago since I am dead, and he was then at Man's state; so that consequently he could not live long enough for thee to know him.  Volcart. 
What then you don't mean Don John of Austria, the Son of Philip iv begot on an Actress, the Brother of our King now Reigning.  Ghost. 
No.  Volcart. 
You speak then of the other Don John, he that won the famous Battle of Lepanto, in a word, your Son.  Ghost. 
Yes; but dost know who was his Mother?  Volcart. 
No; I have read Strada out, without being the wiser in this matter. He says, indeed, that he was your Son; that he was brought up by Don Lewis Quiscida the Steward of your Household, no body knowing who he was, he himself being ignorant of his Original, till Philip the Second informed him one day a Hunting: but of his Mother, he made no mention.  Ghost. 
Who is this Strada?  Volcart. 
Why he was a Jesuit that gives an account how you left the Empire, and forsook the World; and who likewise has given us the famous History of the Troubles in the Low Countries, under the Reign of Philip II. your Son.  Ghost. 
A Man of his Order could not write any thing to disgrace my Memory; for the Jesuits have been ever Pensionaries to the House of Austria; besides, the first thing they learn, is to offer Incense to the great ones of the World. However, if he has concealed my shame, I will not; know then, that the Queen of Hungary was Don John's Mother.  Volcart. 
The Queen of Hungary, Don John's Mother? What your own Sister?  Ghost. 
The very same. Do not I tell you so?  Volcart. 
However prepared one may be against the hearing of extraordinary things, yet show me the Man whom this Relation will not surprise. A Child of ones own Sister. Whoring is frequent enough, and passes for Gallantry, but thank God Incest is not so rife. Our Town it's true is full of Cuckolds, as well as others; and my own Son was of the number, having married a Woman a little above his Quality. But seeing the Wife of a King, and the Sister of a great Emperor have driven on the Trade, it belongs to him to comfort himself. And it appears to me, that it is not the Cuckolds that suffer in the other World, but those that make them so; otherwise it would be the King of Hungary who would appear to me, and not the Great Charles.  Ghost. 
Thou sayest right, and it would not be just, that after having suffered in this World, they should suffer moreover in the other. However being now sufficiently instructed about me, prithee learn me, what has happened in this Country since my death.  Volcart. 
What, then, have the dead such Curiosity? The Heretics affirm they are no farther concerned in the Affairs of this World.  Ghost. 
Ah.  Volcart. 
You sigh.  Ghost. 
I have reason to sigh. I know what you mean by this Word Heretics, and this brings still to my remembrance more Evils which I have committed. But do not enlarge my Grief, but rather divert it by an Answer to my Question.  Volcart. 
Withal my Heart; provided you'll let me know the Reason why you left the Empire, and retired from the World; for all those that have wrote on that Subject, have given such different Accounts, that the World is at a loss whom to believe.  Ghost. 
Spare me a Recital, which will be to me very troublesome.  Volcart. 
Spare me then likewise a Relation, which will spend my Lungs. Besides, do you think I can satisfy your Question without deep Sighs? A Man must be very insensible to relate without the greatest regret, the former Condition of these Provinces, and that wherein they now are. I have seen them flourishing, and at this day do behold them so decayed, that its impossible to think them the same.  Ghost. 
Well I see thou art a Man of thy Trade, that will not so much as tell a Man what's a Clock for nothing; Thou hast been always a griping covetous humoured Fellow, I'll warrant thee.  Volcart. 
I am of that humour God has been pleased to endue me with, either I do love Money, or I do not love it: However I know not why you should not satisfy my Questions, as well as I yours.  Ghost. 
I cannot tell thee any great news from the other World; and as to this, when I was on the Throne I could not conceal every thing from the Eyes of the Public. There are some Quick-eyed Argus' every where. All that I can say to thee is, that if I have been reserved in any thing, it has been chief in the matter of Opinion or Religion; Policy had learned me, that through the Profession of a great Zeal to the Catholic Religion, I must arrive to the universal Empire. So that I would be thought to be the most bigoted Roman Catholic in the World; I undertook Wars under this pretence, and if thou wouldst know more of this matter, thou needst only read the History of my Life, which I got written in my Life time.  Volcart. 
I have read it; and there seems to me several Passages, wherein you contradict these Polities; for Example, how do you explain the Sacking of Rome by your Troops, and the Imprisonment of the Holy Father, whom you kept along time in Custody in the Castle of St. Angelo.  Ghost. 
Poo a Fart of this, your Spiritual Persons are as great Politicians as the Secular Princes; we have all our Finesses from the Clergy, and you'll find them to be the greatest Trickers. Read only the History of the Popes, and you'll see, that you must not go to Rome for Religion; and hadst thou been at the Place, as well as I, thou wouldst not need two words to be said to thee, on that Subject.  Volcart. 
I have heard indeed several times what you say, but I ever thought 'twas the Heretics that spread these Reports. However I am almost convinced by what you say, for I cannot believe Ghosts will lie, especially such an Illustrious Phantom as you.  Ghost. 
I do not lie, but speak the Truth; dost thou not see what juggling and tricking there is to be Pope, whence thou mayst judge, what they are capable of, when they have got into the Chair.  Volcart. 
However we have had one of late, that was not of this Number, but really an honest Man; for had it not been for him, the Heirs of your Brother Maximilian might have begged their Bread, the Turks had driven them from the Throne; whereas by his means, they themselves are driven out of Hungary. Lewis the Great caused an Archbishop of Cologn to be elected, a Prince of Liege, and Bishop of Munster, according to his humour, but by a lucky stroke, the good Father has turned Lewis beside his Politics, without which these Provinces had in a short time unavoidably fallen into his Hands.  Ghost. 
And who is this Lewis the Great.  Volcart. 
'Tis the King of France, a Prince such another almost as you have been, a great Pol, full of Dissimulation, a mighty undertaker, and generally successful; its true he has not laid hold on the Pope yet, as you have done, but 'twas not for want of good Will but Power. He has had divers Quarrels with him grounded on frivolous Pretences, bit however the whole has turned much to the advantage of Christendom.  Ghost. 
Which is to say, that this Pope whom thou hast made so honest a Man, is no more than a Man; for this stroke thou speak'st of, arises from a Principle of Revenge and human Affections, as well as those of other Men. But before we go any farther, prithee tell me some of those Remarkable Passages since my death; and which I could never hear any thing of in the other World.  Volcart. 
That's my design, and I had come there, had you not interrupted me: in comparing Lewis the Great with you, I was about telling you, that he has not been behind hand with you in loving the fair Sex; and though he has not had Privacies with his own Sister, which is an abominable Incest, yet he has been guilty of an Adultery, which must needs sound very Criminal. He has taken away one of his Subjects Wives, and enjoyed her several years. And in a word, as your Sin made you retire into a Monastery, where you died; his made him undertake the destruction of the Heretics of his Kingdom. He has deprived them of the Exercise of their Religion, and this is the Penance imposed on him by Father lafoy Chaise his Confessor; without which, its probable he has informed him, that the way to Paradise would be shut up; whether he has deceived him or no, let others judge; my Hair stands an end at the remembrance of the Violences and Cruelties used to effect this. However he has had greater success than your Son; who desirous of doing the like in these Provinces, has thrown them into such a Revolt, as has cost him the loss of the best part of them. Hence has are ose Republic, which flourishes above Envy, and has stood out in War I know not how many times against all the Forces of your Posterity: But in fine, after 'twas found they could not bring her under; they have made a Treaty with her, by which they acknowledge her a Sovereign State.  Ghost. 
In what Canton was this Republic formed; probably in the Provinces bordering on France?  Volcart. 
No, Sir, a mistake: on the contrary in Holland, and the six other Neighbouring Provinces, which have made a League together, which has held for this hundred and twenty years and upwards.  Ghost. 
What Head have they had to compass such an Enterprise  Volcart. 
William Prince of Orange.  Ghost. 
What he that was so dear to me, that I was continually leaning on his Shoulders as I walked; notwithstanding the Jealousy I caused hereby to my other Courtiers?  Volcart. 
The very same.  Ghost. 
What Reason could he pretend for this?  Volcart. 
Reason sufficient as you shall hear. Luther and Calvin had brought over several People to their Sentiments; and several here amongst us believed, that the first of these was sent from God to reform the Abuses of the Catholic Religion: In a word, they suffered themselves to be persuaded by the Ministry of those who taught his Doctrine. What shall I say; The Exemplary Life they led, compared with the dissolution of Manners amongst the Catholics; the Inquisition which Philip your Son would have brought in, with some other Novelties, altogether as dangerous; the rigour of those which Governed, and a thousand other things, which I do not mention, gave Birth to these troubles, the Sequel of which has been, as I now mentioned.  Ghost. 
But why if they would have changed their Religion, did they not rather take the Lutheran than the Calvinist? Luther was so Honest a Man and so knowing.  Volcart. 
If he were such a honest Man, I much womder you should Persecute him so; and not only him, but all those that Professed his Doctrine, and it seems to me, they have not had a more mortal Enemy than you.  Ghost. 
Prithee now, these are Mysteries of State, which every body must not see into, I have already told thee, that Princes are good Comedians, I have experienced what I tell thee in myself, how many things have I been forced to do against my Inclinations; for so far was I from hating Luther and his Doctrine, that I have always had a secret Veneration for both. Thou enquirest of me just now, how I came to leave my Sovereignty to retire into solitude, I had no other reason than this, that I had persecuted the Truth against the Light of my own Conscience, and my Sin continually stared me in the Face: So that imagining that nothing could appease the Anger of God but a Bloody Sacrifice; I hence determine to leave all to do Penance. I imparted this design to three Men who had the same Sentiments as I, thouch Luther and his Doctrine; I had already taken one of them for my Director, though in appearance he was a zealous Roman Catholic; and having all three of them approved of my Resolution, they likewise promised to follow me. And here's in one word the Secret of this great retreat, which has made such a noise in the World. But after so much Blood so unjustly spilt, could I do less than to Cloister up myself (as it were alive) for the expiation of my Sins.  Volcart. 
But you did not die in those Opinions, but undoubtedly came to yourself again.  Ghost. 
I did, and the three Men I mentioned. Philip II. knew it well, and I learned in the other World a Circumstance which I'll tell thee. My Son, having been informed, I know not how, that these three Persons had always entertained me in the same Religion, he would needs make their Process after their death. But a certain able Counsellor, more subtle than he, advised him to have a care what he did, seeing he could not condemn them, without condemning my Memory as an Heretic, and that as Rome had given out a Decree, by which the Children of those Persons could not inherit; so this would be to declare himself fallen from the fairest Succession as ever befell Prince: So that they were let alone, and my Bones likewise untouched.  Volcart. 
So then as far a I can perceive you are an Heretic Mr. Charles the Fifth; but will you do me no hurt, or shall I go and setch some Holy Water.  Ghost. 
Fie, sie; at thy age to talk so. This were well enough for a Child; prothee be quiet, and stay here, I intent thee no harm; the Dead do neither good nor hurt.  Volcart. 
Ah good Mr. Charles the Fifth may I trust you, good now swear as you are a dead Man; for I believe dead Folks do not use to forswear themselves.  Ghost. 
I'll do more, I'll swear on the Faith of an Emperor, and this Oath is stronger than that thou requirest.  Volcart. 
What then the Word of a dead Man is nothing with you; and that of an Emperor or Prince is less with me. How many are there in our days, who laugh at their own Promises, their is neither Treaty nor Oath that holds them, and provided they can say 'tis a matter whereon the good of the State depends, they think they deserve more praise than blame. It's true your Gentlemen Courtiers are the Causes of these abuses, for instead of blaming what's blame worthy, they are prodigal of their Incense in all occasions; a great Deceiver is a great Politician in their speech, and they have always in their Mouths this Maxim, that he that cannot Dissemble knows not how to Reign. And therefore pray let me hear no more of your Emperor, and your word of a Prince, I had rather you would swear to me by the Faith of a dead Man. Death makes all equal, and as I shall be whether I will or no, dead as well as you, so I may require you to do me Justice; if you put any of your Tricks on me, your distinguishing Maxims being not able then to shelter you from my just Reproaches.  Ghost. 
Well then, on the Faith of a dead Man, I promise thee all thou desirest.  Volcart. 
What's the meaning of this, to promise me all that I desire? Does not this resemble the Treaty of Nimiguen, where for want of an exact explication there arose a thousand Abuses? I'll have something more real and positive; you Princes have such fetches which others cannot understand. Did not Mr. Ravaux entertain you below with his subtleties; and after having stretch in this World the Comté of Chiny as far as he pleased, will not he make a good Counsellor for you? (he that now wants a Master) to trouble all those you may have to do with.  Ghost. 
Who is this Mr. Ravaux?  Volcart. 
He is a Man that has gained more Countries to France than any Captain it ever had; a Man that has introduced such a right of dependency, as was never heard of before him, and who if a Truce had not happened between his Master and the neighbouring States, which has interrupted the Course of his Chicaneries, would have made to depend at the end of a little County the Empire of Trebisoned, which yet is distant from it some Hundreds of Leagues.  Ghost. 
But why did the King of France encourage such great Injustice, was he not informed better than thus of the Truth?  Volcart. 
But why as long as you have lived, have you upheld those who told you, to make their Court to you, that you had a right to the Kingdom of Naples, and the other States which you invaded in Italy? Was not you likewise informed of the Truth, as well as he could be? or was it more lawful in those times to seize on others Rights than it is now.  Ghost. 
Thou art, I was going to say, a saucy old Fellow, to press thus on a Prince. Are all sorts of Truth's fit to be spoken? and were it not better to dissemble many things.  Volcart. 
Very well, we are now come to the Point, had I not then reason to say, that Princes never want Courtiers to ruin them by their Flatteries, and partial Representations of things? Had you been dealt so freely with in your time, as I now talk to you, how much Blood had been saved, which was shed by your wretched Ambition? What are you now the better for all your Violences, rapines, and Murders? What is now left you but the sad remembrance of so many Crimes? But I'll hold myself in. By the way then, pray inform me of one thing, which I am curious of knowing. Were you amorous in that time we speak of, or were you not, and which of the two Historians shall I believe? him who sets forth one of your Actions as Great and Heroical, whilst the other gives it quite different Colours. Here's what the first says; That there was a Governor of a small Place who had a very handsome Woman to his Wife, one of whom the Viceroy of the Province became greatly enamoured, insomuch that he used all means to induce her to content his Passions, but that her Virtue being above the Temptation, he knew not what course to take to have his desire; when he had news brought him that her Husband was concerned in a Conspiracy: he being transported with this good Fortune, resolves to make his Wife redeem his Life at the cost of her Honour; but that this Lady, on the hearing of the Proposal, went to her Husband and endeavoured to strengthen him in the resolution of dying, rather than purchase his Life on such shameful terms; but that her Husband, weaker than she, threw himself several times at her Feet, conjuring her to save him, tho' at that price, seeing no other would be accepted: That she had wept, sighed, and bewailed most piteous her Misfortune, before she could be brought to yield to her Husband's request; however being at length prevailed with, she went to the Vice Roy, who beyond Example, had commanded her Husband to be strangled in the Prison, whilst he enjoyed her Embraces; that this Woman at the leaving his Bed, thinking to find her Husband, and to bewail with him the extremity she had been reduced to, was extremely supris'd and discomforted at the same time to find him dead; that she had a thousand times cursed the Perfidiousness of the Viceroy, and that after several Imprecations, easy to imagine, she had resolved to go in the search of you, though to the end of the World, to demand Justice, had she not been informed that you were coming into that Country; at which time of your arrival, she addressed herself to you, and that you having heard the Matter, it had raised such Indignation in you, that you caused the Vice Roy to come before you, and at the same time sent for a Priest and an Executioner: that as soon as ever he came into your Presence, you reproached him with his Crime, with command to make present Reparation, in espousing the Woman: that he was greatly surprised to see you in such Passion, and having fruitlessly endeavoured to pacify you; he had at length taken the Party of marrying her, seeing he must do that or die. But that having Espoused her, he was still more suprized, seeing you told him he had now made reparation to the Honour of this Woman, but that he had not satisfied your Justice; whereupon ordering him to confess himself immediately to the Priest, who had married him, you had caused the Executioner to strike off his Head.  Ghost. 
All this is very true; and this Historian has related nothing but what I have done.  Volcart. 
Very well great Emperor! hold you a little, and hear what the other Author says I now mentioned. Having related the matter like the former he adds; that this Woman having seized on your Affections as well as the Vice-Roys, you became so in love with her, and so jealous at the same time, that this was the reason, why you made such quick dispatch of her Husband; and that this was a thing concerted between you, before this sentence, which made you appear such a great lover of Justice; but that at bottom, this was only the remains of that fire, which made you burn for the Queen of Hungary. I always believed this was mere slander, especially when he tells us you loved your own Sister; but seeing you have already acknowledged one, why should you not be as ingenious in confessing the other? seeing the latter is not, I think, so criminal.  Ghost. 
Yet this has cost me a great remorse of mind.  Volcart. 
This is true then, and the last Author is not mistaken.  Ghost. 
No.  Volcart. 
Very well; here's another stroke which makes you very much resemble Lewis the Great. You have been gnawed all your life time with such an excessive ambition, as has made you disturb the Peace of all the World. And this was reproached you by that little Monk, whose sleep you interrupted, when confined in your solitude. Did he not tell you that having turned all Europe topsie turvy, you could not be quiet yourself, neither would you let others be so in their solitude? But as far as I can see, here's another subject of comparison between you two. You have both of you taken your Neighbour's Wives, but Lewis was so far from putting to death Monsieur de Montespan, that he sent him into his own Country, and ordered him a considerable sum of Money for the gild of his Horns; whereas you cause a Man's Head to be taken off his Shoulders, because he has a handsome Wife. Bless us! how dangerous was it in those times to Espouse one of Merit and Beauty; the Husbands were not hornified as they are now adays, but ran a risk to ride Post into the other World. Well, I see there's no such great reason to praise the times past; for now as soon as a Spark has Money, he has quickly an handsome Mistress, and a good Friend. The Husband is the most complaisant Man in the World, he takes his Cloak, Sword and Gloves, as soon as ever he sees him coming, and under pretence of business, he lets him do his peaceably with his Wife. This brings to my remembrance what has happened to myself; There frequented a certain Spark, heretofore, my House; and as soon as ever my Wife saw him, she took great care to remember me of a visit I promised, or of a pleasant walk, I cannot tell whether she meant any harm by it, but methinks my Forehead itches at this very time I am speaking of it; well, peace be with her Soul, I forgive her, seeing she is gone.  Ghost. 
Prithee hold thy Tongue, cease complaining and be quiet, why shouldst thou be more squeamish than other Folks? if thou wert the only Cuckold in the World, it were another matter.  Volcart. 
Very fine truly! I thought the People of the other World would not have expressed themselves at so light a rate on so grave a subject; I thought rather, that having left behind them these amorous Vanities, they would have showed the greatest abhorrence of these Abuses. But I have a strong persuasion you have not wholly lost your old relish; and that having had your time with the Queen of Hungary, and the handsome Widow we lately mentioned, as well as with many others, you still have a hankering after the same game; for an old sinner never dies to himself, and tho' his strength fails him, yet his will is still the same. But pray tell me to what end were all those grimaces, when you were in your solitude, seeing you were ever such a good companion. If I understand what you now said, you would have one believe you to be a sincere Lutheran; but if this were true, how could you assist at the Prayers of the Monks in the Choir as you did; did you find nothing herein that went against your Conscience? But above all, how do you excuse that whimsy which made you shut yourself up alive in a Tomb as another Harlequin? Is it not for this reason that this Comedian has a name so near yours, that it is the very same with the first Letter. Methinks I see you in that posture full of amorous fancies, whilst the Funeral Offices were chanting for you. But pray what could be your design in doing this, and what was the use you intended to make of this.  Ghost. 
To blind the World, and make it believe the contrary to what was true. Several that saw clearer than I desired, for a long time, suspected that I was not firmly fixed to the Catholic Religion, which necessitated me to throw Dust in their Eyes by some famous action. Moreover, how could I do better than in testifying outwardly to approve of Prayers which I inwardly disliked; yet thou mayst know, that I was scrupulous enough to do nothing herein; and I did not cease to tell my three Directors that this was a great sin, as in effect I do believe it to be still: but what wouldst thou have a Man do? they seeing me melancholy and doubtful, were afraid they should be called in question about the change of my Religion, and therefore they gave me no rest, till I had finished the Mummery, of which they had been the inventors: Yet there were none but the Vulgar that were abused hereby, for clear-sighted People saw through the cheat.  Volcart. 
Well! As far as I can see, Father Strada is a great liar, who would have this action pass, as a matter of great edification; if he has had no better Memoirs for the rest of his History, I see there's not much stress to be laid on what he says: And to speak the truth, altho' he brags much of the certain knowledge of what he writes, yet I have for some time began to suspect his veracity; for I could never relish his attributing all along the advantage to the Spaniards, and at the same time I see a Republic spring up, and he is so far from saying how this comes to pass, that he does not so much as mention one tittle of it.  Ghost. 
A Jesuit Historian; you must expect indeed much truth from such a one. But do not thou disguise it from me, but instruct me in the state of these Provinces, and that of my Descendants.  Volcart. 
Your Descendants are terminated in an infirm Prince that remains to us, and who according to the common report cannot give us an Heir, which is attributed to his Marriage with a French Princess, of whom care has been taken to put her out of a condition of having Children before show was suffered, to go out of the Kingdom. I have ever heard, that when a Woman is brought to Bed, it is an easy matter to hinder her from having any more Children; but I cannot tell whether this secret may be extended as far as a Maid. However, for my part, I am not learned in these matters.  Ghost. 
So that according to what thou sayest, here's the Spanish Monarchy at an end; but is there not a Son of some Daughter of Spain who may keep up the glory which I acquired when I was in the World?  Volcart. 
Ay, ay, do not put yourself in pain about that matter, the eldest Sister of our Prince was married about thirty Years since to Lewis the Great, she has left a Dauphin, and the King his Father, who is not asleep when there's any thing to be gotten, has already seized of one part of Flanders under pretence of this Succession.  Ghost. 
But the time is not yet come, and therefore he must wait with patience whether he will or no.  Volcart. 
You do not know him, he is a very Devil at Processes and Law Suits; the desire of having is so great in him, that without murdering People, he finds ways to seize on their Estates, he has a thousand Monsieur Ravaux at Wages, they are turning over Books Night and Day to find what he desires, and when the Laws are against 'em, they will make new ones, rather than fail of their Business. I know not where he picks up these Petty Foggers, but they gild over their matters so well, that they seem to have the reason on their side. It was under such a sort of pretence, that he entered into Flanders about twenty Years since, and had our Neighbours suffered him, he had made fine work of it in three months' time, for he took I know not how many places. The following Winter he conquered the Comté in eight Days, having with his Loüis d'Or's corrupted the Governor, who was an old Bigot, who pretended to carry Candles to the Saints, whilst he set up his before the Altar of some Wench. The most Christian King caused him to come into France after this, as into a proper place to content his fancy; but having not every Day such Provinces to sell as la Comté, he was forced to content himself with one Mistress, when he had not Means to purchase more. God reward our good Neighbours the Dutch, who began from that time to assist us, without them we had suffered far more; for these French Devils came to our very Walls insulting over us; I would have killed one great he Rogue, who came insolently and turned up his Breech at us, having pursued our Guard to the Counterscarp what a fine mark this would have been, his name was la Serre, a Lieutenant of the Guard de Corpse, a Fellow insolent, if ever there was any, witness what he did since to Madameiselle de Guise; I believe had this been, and this Princess had known it, she would have settled a Pension on me for life. But of misfortune my Piece went not off, not but that it was a good one, but I had forgot to charge it; so greatly was I disordered in my mind.  Ghost. 
What you were very angry then?  Volcart. 
I did not know whereabouts I was! What, a Rogue come and let down his Breeches! and show his Arse to civil People: For an Officer to do this, this was such an unseemly sight! the Villain makes my Blood rise. But he is, it seems, a Fellow that has not only two Faces, but two Wives; who are both yet alive, or at least were so a little while since. The King knows this, and Madamoiselle de Guise did not forget to acquaint him with it; but being, as he is, Lewis the Great, and not Lewis the Just, the Villain may Marry two others, if he will, without any danger from the Law.  Ghost. 
However, this is a matter of consequence in a State, and a Prince ought not to suffer it.  Volcart. 
Why, don't you say, This is not Christian like without enclosing the Crime within the bounds of Policy; should a Man of the other World express himself at this rate; I that am still in this, would not speak thus; but you make good that old threadbare saying, Quo semel est imbuta, etc. But pray how long have you been below? and how long is it since you came forth? I believe you have been better here than where you are at present, seeing that after so long an Apprenticeship your talk is still of one place, and not a word of the other; this is not a Note that the Lutheran Religion is so good, but rather a mark that we must remain here as long as we can.  Ghost. 
Thou mayst be mistaken in thy conjectures. However, believe what thou wilt, it's not permitted me, to undeceive thee; the dead speak not so freely as the living; they are enjoined silence.  Volcart. 
If it be so, I would advise all our Brussels Ladies, to have always to do with the dead; and as little commerce as may be with the living: by which means their Adventures would not become so public. I saw a List the other Day of near two hundred of very high Dames, who were all in by Name and Surname; and how many Gallants they had apiece; and it must be granted they are not ill provided, if the List be true. Those that pass among us for the most modest, have only one Gallant at a time, but they change when they think fitting; you, for your part, grave and great Sir, needed only one of these to heat you, when you lay freezing before Metz.  Ghost. 
But now thou talk'st of Metz, have not my Descendants or Nephews found out a way to revenge the affront I received there, by the perfidiousness of Henry II. who so basely seized on it; could they find in their Hearts to leave so considerable a place in my Enemy's Hands, with the two others, which they surprised at the same time? This concerned Maximilian my Brother, and his Children; prithee let me know what they have done in this matter, that I may comfort myself by the knowledge of the good condition the House of Austria lies in on that side, and how 'tis with her in Spain, and these Provinces.  Volcart. 
I can tell you nothing on this Head, that will much content you; not but that Maximilian and his Son have followed your Maxims; they have endeavoured, as much as they could, under pretence of Religion, to make themselves formidable in the Empire; tho', if one may believe several good Historians, they were no less affected than you to the Lutheran Doctrines. But, in sine, their designs being too well known to succeed by this means, there arose so many Factions against them, that they left the King of France at rest, to apply themselves to that which was most urgent.  
Since that, we have seen one of their Successors nearer the happy terminating his Enterprises, if France, who with good reason mistrusted his Ambition, had not excited the King of Swedeland to oppose him. He was a Prodigy for Valour, Conduct, and good Fortune; and did as much in two Years as another would have thought himself happy to have performed in a long Life; and had he not ended his Days in so fair a beginning, by a mortal stroke at the Battle of Lutzen, he had placed himself on the Imperial Throne, and driven out the Descendants of Maximilian. There are who have attributed this to the French, supposing they had conceived a jealousy at his Power, but withal this, those that really knew how matters passed, are agreed, That his misfortune came, in that there arose a thick Mist in the beginning of the Battle, which hindered him from seeing a Squadron that advanced; and which gave him the mortal Blow we mentioned. Some of his Party perceived his Death before the end of the Combat, having seen his Horse, whose Saddle was all covered with Blood, go from Squadron to Squadron, as if he had been to seek his Master; but having had the discretion to keep within themselves the grief they felt, they lost not their Courage, so that they carried away the Victory, which this great Prince had given a beginning to.  
This Death brought some comfort to your Descendants, thinking that after the loss of this Prince, none of his followers could fill his place; but the Duke of Weimar, having had the boldness to present himself to Command the Army, fortune assisted him to such a degree, that he appeared not unworthy this Employ. He conquered the strong place of Brisac; and dying some time after, France, who had gotten her Foot into the Patrimony of your House, could not be obliged to retire; but on the contrary, maintained her Ground by a Treaty, to which ours were obliged to condescend, having other Affairs to attend. Since this, so far have they been from finding an opportunity of recovering their own, that they have added loss to loss. France is now in possession of all the Banks of the Rhine from Basil to Cologne, excepting Philipsbourg, yet does she bridle this place, by means of a Fortress, which she has raised between Landaw and Germesseim.  Ghost. 
And does all the Country on this side belong to he?  Volcart. 
No; but she has possessed herself of it by one means or other: Ravaux has told her, that this belongs to France; she has believed him on his bare word, and has not put herself on the trouble of discussing the matter; all that was comprehended in so vast a Country, has been cited to promise Fealty, and do Homage. All have been cited to appear, of what Quality soever, Princes as well as others, before the Royal Chamber established at Metz: Ravaux was both Judge and Party, so that they have been forced to submit; those that would not, have been driven from their Estates, preferring a miserable life, but glorious to a repose; which could not be very calm, seeing it must have overwhelmed them with confusion.  Ghost. 
It is to be supposed my Descendants have given them a place of Retreat, and commended a Constancy, which must raise Emulation in those who have not had the Courage to follow their Example.  Volcart. 
Not at all, I have seen Princes among them obliged to come seeking from Court to Court their subsistence; I have seen also some of 'em forced to take a Captain's place in the Troops, to receive a pay, which may hinder them from holding out the Hand.  Ghost. 
But I suppose this fury has extended itself only on the Villages, and that the strong Towns have not been awed by Monsieur Ravaux and his Decrees. Luxemburg, for instance, must defy this Pettifogger, any one of its Cannons being capable of stopping the Mouth of his pretences.  Volcart. 
Mistake not yourself, Sir, Ravaux has extended his Jurisdiction to the Gates of this City, and having reduced this Duchy, which is indeed a very good morsel, the Town itself became so straightened, that it has been forced to open its Gates.  Ghost. 
This is in incredible, Luxemburg the terror of Champagne! the Bulwark of Germany! the Defence of all the Neighbouring parts.  Volcart. 
With all these qualities she has trod in the same steps as the rest.  Ghost. 
And our good Friends the Hollanders have suffered it; those to whom thou gavest that name, and to whom I give it after thee?  Volcart. 
They have suffered it; a certain good Gentleman has lulled them asleep. He became inspired with the holy Spirit of France, which came over in Hogsheads. The Ambassador shed it abroad with full Hands on him; and for recompense, this Ambassador bears it to this Day on his Cloak: cursed be such interest People! This Villain has sold his Country as the Butchers sell Meat in the Market: and cursed moreover be the— Well, I dare not say more, it is not always seasonable to say whatever a Man knows, especially when one is to speak of great Personages.  Ghost. 
However, speak on, I'll warrant no harm shall come on it.  Volcart. 
Ay, Monsieur Charles the Fifth, are you in a Dream, or do you think I am in one? Those warrants must needs be very good which those of the other World make; and where shall I go to seek my Surety?  Ghost. 
I say speak on, my name alone is sufficient to protect thee from all Insults.  Volcart. 
This is very pleasant truly, but I would willingly know one thing first; what reception did you give the Marquis of Grana below? Is he one of your Friends?  Ghost. 
I never saw him, nor so much as heard of him; is he one of the Marquesses de Grana of Italy? I know that Family.  Volcart. 
Yes.  Ghost. 
Very well.  Volcart. 
But are you not a Friend of his Friends, or of some of his Relations, for the Duke of Arschot married his Daughter?  Ghost. 
The House of Arschot has been ever suspected by me, so that this aught to be no obstacle in thy Mind; moreover, I swear to thee, that I know no body that is in his Interests.  Volcart. 
How you please me now! I had like to burst, like an old crack Musket, never secret weighed so heavy with me: know then that he was a great Villain; in a word, the Man that betrayed the place.  Ghost. 
Was he Governor of it?  Volcart. 
No, hang him; a far honester Man than he: but for our sins, and those of your Family, he was Governor of all the Low Countries.  Ghost. 
Go on pray.  Volcart. 
Why, I tell you, he sold the place, and would have moreover sold all the rest, had not the Devil come behind him and broke his Neck; he had a Belly like a Drum; he would▪ Heaven be praised, needs drink the Spa Waters, but they made him burst, to the great satisfaction of all honest People. His Widow did not much bemoan him: she had married him I know not how; 'tis true, 'twas her Mother that made the Match: however it be, married she is again to Count Egmont.  Ghost. 
Thou speakest very clear, and one needs only Ears to understand thee. But let's come to our subject, the Marquis of Grana.  Volcart. 
To have a full account of that Noble Captain, you must know he did not stay till the Hour of his Death to betray his Master. He was the greatest boaster, perhaps, as ever was; according to him, there was never an honest Man in the World but himself; and to appear such, there were no Tricks which he made not use of. I have heard Persons of good Worth and Credit say, That the Emperor after the Battle of St. Goddard, having put his Army into Winter Quarters, he gave him notice underhand, That all the Officers, from the highest to the lowest, were extreme vexatious to the People: he did more, he caused the People to complain of this themselves; and, seeing the business would come to an Inquest, he abstained from Pillaging, tho' he had as good Fingers for it as another. This happened just as he foresaw it, the Emperor caused Memorandums to be given him of all that was done; and there was only he, exempt from accusation.  
He hereby insinuated himself into the Emperor's Affections, acted the part of a distinterest Man, and to make this Prince believe he gained nothing by his service, he sold a considerable Estate in Bohemia: But how great (soever an Hypocrite a Man may be, it being hard to dissemble long) he lent him four hundred thousand Livers a while after; for which the Emperor still pays Use to his Executors.  
In the mean time, believing he only saw clear, he continued to act the part of a Man zealous for the Emperor's Interests; and this Prince having named him to go to Spain, he requested a private Hearing. The Emperor having granted it him, he threw himself at his Feet, and continuing in his Hypocrisy, besought him to observe two Persons he had at his Court; one of which, said he was too heavy a Man to be trusted with Affairs of Importance; and the other too mercurial and unfaithful to rely on: he designed by the first, Prince Herman of Baden; and by the second, the Prince of Saxony. However the Emperor gave him good words, as believing he spoke from the simplicity of his Heart, and he parted out of the Emperor's presence with great satisfaction. He did what he had to do in Spain, but in his return through France, Monsieur de St. Luc, the King's Lieutenant in Guienne regaled him, giving him to understand, that if he would impart to the King his Master, what Secrets past in the Emperor's Council, he should always be presented with one Thing or other which should countervail his pains. The Marquis made not himself more scrupulous than was necessary for raising his Market, and being both agreed of their business, the matter was faithfully transacted on both sides: There was nothing done in the Emperor's Council, of which France was not advertised.  
In the mean time War being declared between these two States it was still the same thing, she had Intelligence of whatever past in the Council of War, so that it was no difficult matter for her to shield herself from the strokes intended her. In fine, the matter became so public at Vienna and other places, altho' he thought it lay concealed, that a great Merchant of this City told one of his servants, not knowing however he belonged to him, but who came to him to change Lewis d'Or's, that there was hardly any other Money to be seen now, that the Marquis de Grana received so many of 'em for his Treasons. France morever made him a present of a Sword garnished with Diamonds, when the Imperial Army lay encamped at Mouzon in the Year 1676. and tho' it was brought him, as from the present Prince of Condé as an acknowledgement (according to what he said) that he had sent Horses to this Prince, it being known he had been well paid for them, so there were none but Fools that believed it: and in effect the Liberality of this Family never extended itself to the making of a Present of this nature, seeing she has enough to do to pay her Debts.  
In the mean time the Emperor having been the only Person, who did not perceive his infidelity, sent him a second time into Spain, in Quality of Ambassador extraordinary. Here it was, that continuing admirably well to play his Game, he decried in such a manner the Prince of Parma, who was sent Governor-general of the Low Countries, that he put into all the Ministers Heads that these Provinces were lost, without redemption, if he were not recalled. There were several Councils held hereupon; and this Hypocrite, having had the time whilst all this past, to have Letters of Recommendation sent out of Germany for him, he had orders to go and drive away this Prince, and to take his place.  
Scarce was this order dispatched, when fearing it would be revoked, he took leave incognito of his Catholic Majesty, and parted the same Night. If we may believe the common report, he did wisely in being in such haste, seeing the Council of Spain had no sooner done the thing, but repent of it. But he being now in the Road, the business stuck at home, his Ministry being to be judged of by its Success.  
France was soon advertised of his Catholic Majesties choice, and being on the point of attacking Luxembourg, she was very willing to make trial whether his Preferment had not changed his Heart. She sent to meet him on the way, but he would not stay to explain himself there, but told the Currier, who presented him a Packet, that he should make some stay in England, under pretence of refreshing himself (for he was taking the Sea to finish his Voyage) and that there some Person should be appointed, in whom he might put confidence. There was no failer of Money, that being already again sent him. So that France being sure of him, persisted in her Enterprise.  Ghost. 
Thou knowest a great deal for a Man of thy Quality.  Volcart. 
Hear the rest: The first thing he did, when he was arrived, was to draw out Troops from Luxembourg, under pretence of Garrisoning better Mons and Namur; although these two Places were in no danger; by reason these were the Bar the King had granted to the Hollanders by the Peace of Nimiguen, and he knew as well as any other, that the King of France could not Attack them, without making them take up their Arms. But pretending to be ignorant, Luxembourg was immediately invested, whilst the most Christian King set himself at the head of an Army, to hinder its being succoured; but no Body stirred. The Emperor was not in a condition to do it, having the Turks on his Shoulders; the Hollanders on their side were divided amongst themselves by the French Ambassadors Intrigues, and the great Man I now mentioned. And now you have an account how the Place was lost.  Ghost. 
What a Traitor was this! And did neither the Emperor or King of Spain show any resentment at this?  Volcart. 
I know nothing of that, all that I know is, that the Governor took Post some days after for Spain, being furnished with good Certificates against him, wherein all the Officers of his Garrison testified, that if the Marquis de Grana had pleased, the Place would not have been lost. But there were Robbers Posted in the Road, who took away both his Papers and Money. This Robbery was committed near Orleans, through which he passed, having obtained a Passport from the Most Christian King, on which it is good to make Reflection, that nothing can better convince us of the Intelligence above mentioned, than this pretended Theft, which was committed in a Kingdom, wherein that care is taken, that for this Twenty five or Thirty years, the like has never been known. But for a farther Mark, that these were not Robbers, the Money was restored to him at Lions, his Papers being the only things retained.  Ghost. 
These are very strange things thou tellest me of. However I must needs say to thee, that Europe must be buried in a more than Cimmerian darkness, not to awake at the noise of so many horrid Erterprises. But go on I pray thee.  Volcart. 
Had you been here in the time when this happened, you would have quickly got you back again to the other World, for you would have thought you had been in a Hell, such a general devastation and burning was here in all these Provinces.  Ghost. 
And who was the Cause of all this?  Volcart. 
The Most Christian King.  Ghost. 
Why, what was the matter?  Volcart. 
Because such was his good Will and Pleasure, and he had a mind to confound all Flanders.  Ghost. 
If this be so, why dost call him the Most Christian King? how can this Name agree with him after such Outrages, which are only for Barbarians, and the common Enemy of Christendom? But perhaps thou concealest from me, that 'twas through default of Payment of Contributions, in which Case it's a common use introduced in War, to proceed to this extremity.  Volcart. 
No, I conceal nothing from you, but shall tell you on the contrary, that the Contributions were not only paid, but that the Country having been threatened with burn, after this, it taxed itself in a vast Sum to redeem itself from this violence. But the Payment was no sooner made, but that with the Sword in one hand, and the Faggot in another, the French showed us such a French Trick, as consumed all before them.  Ghost. 
But what kind of People are these French then now a days? It seems to me they were heretofore human Creatures.  Volcart. 
They would be so still, had they less success, but this renders these People intolerably insolent to all Nations, for they pretend now to be Masters every where; yet the King of France has reduced them to such misery, that it is a great thing if the Commonalty have Bread to eat. The Man of Quality is his Slave, through the necessity he is in of making his Court to him, he must spend all he is worth in attending him sometimes to the▪ Wars, other while in Journys, where he must be always at some new expense. Versailles moreover is a Place which is no less chargeable to him, he must keep House there, and also at Paris, which so wastes him, that he has not for the most part a Sous in his Pocket, he must now and then dine at other Folks Tables, otherwise he could not live. Here past by some days since, one of these honest Gentlemen, who swore to me that Monsieur the Dauphin had given him Money several times, when he played and won, for himself and several other Persons of Quality, whom he named to me, a Piece of four Pistols, to bear their charges to Paris; he likewise told me, that each of them were so far from concealing their Misery, that it became a matter of sport. Yet all these poor wretches are full of Rhodomontadoes, No Prince was ever so great and brave as their King, and no Empire comparable to their Monarchy. If we descend from the Man of Quality to him of the Gown, it's near the matter the same under another Figure; they are overwhelmed with Debts, and though he be not obliged to such expense, and consequently can better subsist, yet nothing is equal to his Oeconomy, because scarcity has a long time reigned in his House. He has undergone a Thousand Taxes under the name of Loans, and he fears every day more, without knowing where to have a Farthing to pay them. This makes him chagrin and uneasy, and he sees no remedy any where, because he is hindered from selling Justice, which was heretofore a great help to People of his Profession. Hereby is stopped the Complaints of the ordinary People, who seeing themselves sheltered from the violence of those who are above them, comfort themselves in being squeezed by the Master and not by the Servants. Yet if we make reflection on their Condition, it is as bad as that of others, if not worse. In the general misery of the Kingdom, they find not any one of whom they may get a livelihood; if the great ones buy any thing it is on trust, or if there be any one amongst them who has ready Money, they haggle like the meanest Tradseman, being no longer edged with Generosity. In fine, if we examine Paris, where there should be more plenty, we shall find that all is in desolation from the highest to the lowest, every body discontented, from the Marshal of France to the Common Soldier, from the Duke and Peer to the meanest Courtier, from the first Precedent to the last Clerk of the Palace, and in fine, from the Chief Citizen to the poor Cobbler.  
If we cast our Eyes on the Country, we shall find it the same or rather worse, they cannot afford themselves Bread, they Blow its true, but they have not wherewithal to Sow; their Taxes are so excessive, that they have not Beds to lie on, or scarcely any sort of  to put on their Backs; and to whom does the Profit of all this come, but to the King? What slavery is this? What wretches are these? and yet as wretched as they are, you shall hear 'em continually extolling the Glory of their Monarch and the greatness of France.  Ghost. 
Thou surprifest me greatly I profess by these Relations, for the French are in their own Natures a volatile, uneasy sort of People; prithee what's become of all the great Lords to whom they were wont to have recourse in their discontents?  Volcart. 
There are no such now; for from the Dauphin to the meanest Gentleman, the King keeps them all so low, that they cannot move; besides he has his Spies every where, who give him an account of what passes; and there being so many who have not whereon to subsist, there are several who would have heretofore blushed, had they been only suspected to have been of this employ, who now with the greatest earnestness sue for it in the sight of their Friends.  
Monsieur Le Dauphin is a good Prince, who provided he has but opportunity to hunt, concerns himself no farther. The Duke of Orleans loves play, and to be hung with Ribbons from head to foot, to hear pleasant Tales, and to be nice and squeamish; as for any thing else he minds it not.  
The Chevalier de Lorraine, who is his Favourite of many years, and who has sometimes spoke to him of the Court, with a great deal of liberty, although he himself be but an indifferent Man, is now wholly changed by a secret Pension he receives thence; being the first and chief Spy whom the King keeps near him, and though his Majesty has others, its only to be certain that he is faithful to him.  
The Prince of Conde does not degenerate from his Father's Generosity, and the virtue of his Ancestors; but in Inheriting their good Qualities, he also inherits their bad, he is covetous to excess, and in this unhappy Passion he sees nothing worthy of him, but the desire of treasuring up; provided he can lock himself close in with Gourville, to cast up how much his Revenue is increased since the last year, and what course may be taken still to augment it, this is all he thinks of. The King who knew dextriously to let the time pass wherein he was greedy of Laurels, without giving him any employ, does not fear now that he is past Forty five, that he Plots how to disturb the State; he is well pleased in seeing him mind his own Affairs, and the Process which the Succession of Mademoiselle de Guise has entangled him in. He knows very well that when a Man is possessed by these two Passions, they sufficiently fill the Head, and scarce leave room for other Thoughts.  
The Prince de Conti has hitherto minded only his Pleasures, although the deceased Prince of Conde endeavoured to make him understand several times, that a Prince of the Blood should steer another Course, if he intended to be in any sort considerable. 'Tis not yet seen that he has prevailed on his Mind to make his profit of so judicious a Lesson, perhaps in time he may think better of it, but till that happens, it will be to penetrate into the future, to say that he can be ever the Head of a Party, unless this Rank be given him for his being a Prince of the Blood.  
And these are the Princes of the Royal Family of France; for I take no notice of Monsieur the Dauphin's Children, of the Duke de Chartres only Son of the Duke of Orleans, nor of the Duke of Bourbon, who are all so young, that it would be but mere mockery, to have recourse to them in an Affair as this we speak of. I have willingly given you their Characters, to show you that they are not like those which were in your time, there are none among these like the Constable of Bourbon, who was such a great help to you in the Wars which you had with Francis I. and without whom, perhaps you had not met with such success. Don't desire me to proceed any farther in the Anatomising of this Kingdom; should I come to speak to you of Princes that they call Strangers, I should have such wretchedness to describe to you, as would raise blushing in you, and confusion in me, in the relating them. Instead of those Dukes of Guise, so famous in the History of the past Age, I can show you none but Persons enervated with softness and debauches, Persons that have nothing of Princes in them but the Name, and who between you and I, cannot remember themselves without a self-condemnation: Such a Portrait as this is must needs be unpleasant, and we had better draw the Curtain before it. I must do the same in respect of the other Grandees of the Kingdom. And what will you think, when instead of the Montmorancies, Chatillons, and so many other great Personages in your time, I can show you only Men that are mere Slaves, not only of the Monarchy, but of the Ministry? It being a Custom established among them, to make Alliances now in Rich Families, which is the cause that that greatness of mind, by which their Ancestors were heretofore so recommendable, is not to be found amongst them; they see every thing, they suffer every thing without saying a word, and are so far from opposing it, as that they be the first who approve it, through a base complacency. It is no longer the time wherein they may speak their minds to the King, they only busy themselves now with Trifles, and among so many Dukes, of which the Court of France consists, scarcely is there to be found one, on whom one may reckon, if it concerned only the King of his Salvation, to the prejudice of a Minister: I can find on the other hand, enough who will procure him Mistresses if he has occasion for them, and even without seeking them in another Family, would take them out of their own Bed. I don't say this by rote, I know what I say as well as another.  
This Prince being become in love with a Princess not far hence, and intending to testify his Love in a manner a little familiar, as this did not please her, so she repelled him a little scurvily, without remembering he was not wont to be treated with such Caresses. In leaving her, he told it her Father, desiring him not to send her to Court; but he instead of being like her, was one of those Princes I lately described; told him she was a foolish Girl, and that she had lost her Fortune, and not content with this Answer, he went again to His Majesty, excusing what had passed, telling him in formal Terms, that if he pleased to command it, he would himself bring her into his Arms.  
And these are the Dukes and Princes to be met with in this Court, one of them knows perfectly well to Cog a die, and has his Trade from Father to Son; another carries on a debauch to excess; and having told his Wife several times there is no true Pleasure but in Disorder, he has so well insinuated this Lesson into her, that she puts it every day in practice, every one is welcome to her, whether he comes to see her, or one of her Friends, she takes a particular satisfaction in doing her Neighbour a Pleasure, affirming this aught to be the humour of all Civil People. Another lives without Faith, without Law, and without Religion, and though he draws near Sixty, he is as young, as impious, as if he had never time to know himself. Another runs from one Wench to another, from Morning till Night; another to the Churches, believing it good to appear Devout to get Credit.  
I could make you a Picture of all the rest, but it being sufficient to judge of the whole Piece by a Pattern, it would be to tyre you to relate to you still the same thing; one is formed from the Mould of another, and excepting two, one of which has high Thoughts, and worthy of a better Fortune than he has; and the other which is a very worthy Person, although the Son of a Father who was a Fool to his Grave, I shall not pass for a Calumniator, when I shall say, that the rest is mixed Ware. Not but that there are some among them who act the Parts of honest Men, but I am afraid that he who shall look well into the matter, will find more Hypocrisy in their Actions than real Piety; Not that I am for those affected Devotions, which are performed to dazzle the Eyes of the People, for I love rather to say a Pater hearty in my Closet, than a thousand in the sight of others. When one is so devout, commonly he is not so busied in carrying on Intrigues. Yet those I speak of are in them over head and ears, and are mad if any of them chance to be discovered. In speaking of this, methinks I see one of our late Governors, whom I supris'd one day, having a great String of Beads, wound, as it were, about his Wrist, and yet with the same Hand carest very nearly an exceeding handsome Lady. It's true, these Beads of his were as familiar to him as the Monk's Breviary is to him.  Ghost. 
Perhaps these Beads had a certain Virtue which thou know'st not of; there is a certain Indian Wood which 'tis said does wonders, and perhaps his Beads were made of it, and he was minded to try the Experiment.  Volcart. 
All this is useless, and without vigour love cannot last long; whatever Chaplet a Man has, were it of this Wood you speak of, it would have no effect on me if I was a Woman, unless I was persuaded it had this Virtue to make a Man vigorous, all Lady's having great esteem for that; and I remember that a certain Monsieur being arrived in these Parts some Months ago, all the fine Dames of Brussels were for being of his Friends, not that he was an handsomer Man than another, but because there were reported marvellous things of him. The deceased Prince of Conde who had heard of him as well others, desirous to know whether this was true, asked his Father one day the Question, who is still alive, or I am much mistaken; but this good Man, who was no Courtier, answered him seriously he could not tell, seeing his Son had never made him his Confident in that matter; but this I know, saith he, that if it be so, he has it from his Mother, not from me.  Ghost. 
Thou relatest matters very pleasantly, but dost not mind how much thou forgettest thyself in thy large Discourse of the Court of France, having quite lost the Subject we were upon, neither do I know how thou canst return to it.  Volcart. 
This will be no such hard matter, and to speak freely, as old as I am, I do not so greatly dote as you think for. Does a Man talk idly, when he recites the Condition of an Enemy's Country? and how can you deal with it, unless you know its strength and weakness? I must tell you farther, though you still persist in your Opinion, that France has moreover other Malcontents, than those I now mentioned; and though I have told you, that the King of France has compassed his end, in laying low the Hugonots, yet this is an Hydra's Head which still produces something that is new, they are only extirpated in appearance; and should they meet with a favourable opportunity, it's not to be doubted but that they would act the same Part, as under the Reign of Charles IX. They have only forsook their Religion in appearance, and though I reckon it among impossible things for a French Man ever to make a good Spaniard, yet I believe this is more feasible than for them ever to become good Catholics.  Ghost. 
Well! prithee what consequence dost pretend to draw hence?  Volcart. 
One that to me appears infallible, to wit, that it is not at all the French Interest to make War at this time; he cannot but be afraid, that whilst he shall be busied without, there may arise within his Kingdom such a Faction, as shall not be in his power to allay.  Ghost. 
Still methinks thou wanderest from our Subject, and hast no Logical Head.  Volcart. 
Ah Master Charles the Fifth, is it for you to pretend to so much Reason, who have no Brains? Death has dried up all your Bones, and a Dog's head and yours make one as good a Figure as the other; don't you perceive that being to discourse with you on a great affair now in hand, and of which I already have given you some hints by the by, I pretended to prepare you to relish my Reasons? I have told you that the King of France would have made an Elector of Cologn, and a Prince of Liege; you know of what consequence it is to your Family to have these two Persons in her Interests. The pains you were at to bring over the Cardinal de la Mark, who possessed this last Dignity, is a proof sufficiently convincing. So now he that is at present on the Imperial Throne, according to your politic's, has left no Stone unturned to put by a blow so prejudicial to the Empire: He has succeeded, seeing the Cardinal de Furstemburg, who is the King of France's Creature, has been rejected by the Chapter of Liege, which has chosen the Baron d' Elderen one of its Members; and Prince Joseph Clement of Bavaria is chosen Elector of Cologn. I have told you that Luxembourg is taken, the Moselle and the Saar are also subjected by the Forts which the King of France has raised and does still raise; Treves is dismantled, and the poor Elector is made a Frenchman against his will. This was cause sufficient for the Empire, and all others in Christendom, to betake themselves to Arms. Had the Cardinal of Furstemburg gained his Point, what security could the Empire expect from so troublesome a Neighbour? How many Creatures must France have gained, when it should be considered, that one may by her means not only be raised to the highest Dignities, but be maintained in them against all Right and Reason? Is there any ordinary Gentleman, but must turn all his desires towards her, hoping she will do for him whatever she intended to do for his Eminency, who some twenty years past had not wherewithal to maintain a Servant? What an encouraging Prospect is this for all clear headed and ambitious Men? In fine, O Monarch without a Crown, recall a little that vivacity of Spirit for which you have been heretofore so famed, and you'll excuse all my tedious Transports on this Subject.  Ghost. 
What wouldst have me say? The Emperor must perish rather than not maintain the Legitimacy of the Prince of Bavaria's Election.  Volcart. 
But pray how shall he maintain it? He has enough to do in Hungary, our King has few Troops, and less Money to raise others: the Princes of the Empire are slow in their Resolutions. There are only the Hollanders, who are in a condition of resistance; but do you think they will go and throw themselves into the Lion's Mouth? Their single Forces are not sufficient to withstand those of France, and they can do nothing without help.  Ghost. 
The Emperor should temporise, and in the mean time make Peace in Hungary, to the end that all these Forces being reunited may bring the Enemy to reason.  Volcart. 
But all this time the Cardinal of Furstemberg, who never wants French Money, fails not to fortify his places: you know, moreover, that Possession is a Title according to Law. The thunderings of the Vatican signify nothing now adays, unless they be backed by an Army.  Ghost. 
It's true, and therefore a Pope who knows how to manage his Authority, knows what time they are efficacious in; for in France People are the least bigoted in any of the Roman Countries. This Nation acknowledges, indeed, the Pope to be the visible Head of the Church, yet only as a matter of Policy, she is too subtle to make this a matter of Faith; she knows only that this has been judged most expedient to preserve Unity amongst the Members, but as soon as ever a Pope requires too great a belief, she presently refers him to her Parliament, where these four-cornered Cap People maintain it according to their fancy; and how many Bulls have been burnt by the Hands of the common Hangman?  Volcart. 
As far as I can see, it's not only in these times that this Assembly is Heretical; I thought only Monsieur Talon, Advocate General, had been the scabby Sheep that infected the rest, for he made such a Pleading some Months since as smelled dangerously of the Faggot, he treated our Holy Father, as if he had been but a mere Don Quixot; so that having said of him all that is proper to say of one fallen into madness, he made him moreover pass for a favourer of Heretics: In fine, I believe it was not long of him that he was not deposed; but knowing this could not be done in one day, I have heard say, he is greatly troubled that Voisin and her Disciples were put to Death, as knowing that one touch with their Hands, would have been capable of obtaining Remission of their Sins; at least, as to the Temporal pains of them.  Ghost. 
Who is then this Voisin thou speakest of? It seems by thy talk as if I should know her.  Volcart. 
A very worthy virtuous and generous Person, if ever there was one in the World, bequeathing Successions to those who needed them, and procuring an entrance into Paradise for others who were not in haste to go thither; but as Virtue is not always recompensed, she was charged with doing all this by means of a certain Powder; so that having been thrown into Prison, she had the same chance as the Bulls I now spoke of met with.  Ghost. 
Which is to say in one word, that she very fairly poisoned People.  Volcart. 
You are in the right.  Ghost. 
And thou wouldst hereby insinuate, that they would have poisoned the Pope.  
Volcart. I do not wholly affirm that; but that which I would say is, That the Court would not be much troubled at his taking a Voyage into the other World; is this such a criminal desire, and can one wish him any thing more advantageous? You say not a word; is it that you who have been Emperor make such a great reckoning of this quality, that you prefer it to a place in Paradise? If this be so, it must be acknowledged, that here are a great many People deceived, for I cannot believe there have been dispatched from time to time, on any other design, so many Princes and Princesses who died, some suddenly, others with a little more knowledge of the cause. In effect, all this has happened to 'em from the part of their good Friends, whose only design is to make them more happy in the other World than they could ever arrive to in this.  
The deceased Madam the Duchess of Orleans began the Dance; but she had not time given her to recollect herself, for loving the World as she did, it was feared, that through weakness, she might obstruct her own happiness; it has been probably the same in respect of the deceased Charles King of England, who was known to be too great a lover of his Pleasures to so easily quit them, if he could help it. But there was not such quick work made with the last Elector Palatine. It being Catholics that undertook this business, and the desire of making Converts reigning very much with them, they have therefore given him time to think on his Conscience, so that it is not their fault, if they could not vanquish his hard Heart. They comfort themselves the more easily, that he could not carry his States, whence they had a design to drive out the Heretics; and as they could not attain hereunto, but by his Death, so we must not think it strange, if they advanced it, and glory in it as a meritorious action. In effect, whatever is done in regard to Religion cannot be ill, which is the Morals of the good Fathers the Jesuits, God preserve us from 'em, and keep 'em from coming near us; for had I either House or Land joining to theirs, they would quickly strip me of them for the use of the Altar.  Ghost. 
It must be granted thou runnest over a great many matters in a short time.  Volcart. 
I acknowledge it; but I deal with you otherwise than I would with another, whom I was sure to see another time; how know I, how soon you'll vanish? I therefore deal out my Merchandise to you by wholesale, lest you should escape me. And therefore I must tell you again, tho' you blame me afresh for it, that it is not a Year since, that by a stork of Charity like to those I now mentioned, the second Son of the deceased Duke of Brandenburg was sent to Paradise. It was feared lest he should become one day Elector, and inebriate himself with the vanities of the World, which were seen to prevail on him. It's said his eldest Brother was to have taken the same Voyage, who is now on the Throne; and in fine, he must thither sooner or latter, but by small Journeys. However this will not hinder him from leaving behind him a Prince of his Blood, to Inherit his Countries, seeing the Princess his Wife has lately given him a Son, to the great content of all honest People.  Ghost. 
Thou surprisest me, and as far as I can see, it's not only in France where there are Voisins.  Volcart. 
This is not a fit name for these Monsters; there was another Woman of a greater Reputation than she, which was the Marquis of Brinvilliers, Daughter of the Lieutenant Civil of Paris. She poisoned her own Father, her two Brothers, her Sister, and her Husband; and for so many famous Facts, her name remains consecrated, to express whatever is most rare in this Diabolical Science. A small quantity of Madam Brinvilliers Medicinal Preparations will make way for any Succession; so that it's wondered how the Duke of Brandenburg has escaped. God preserve this present Pope, for should he prove otherwise than favourable to the Court of France, he is in danger of Apoplectic Fits. Yet, as Pious People resign themselves, not only to the Will of God, but make advantage of all conditions, this old Gentleman can cough when he pleases, especially when he is importuned by Demands, to which he is not minded to answer. It was told me some days since, That the Cardinal d' Estrée, who lies at Rome soliciting the Affairs of France, has given this Cough a thousand times to the Devil, and would have given the Cougher too, had he believed he would have gone to him.  Ghost. 
Well, to thy subject again, this is sufficiently known.  Volcart. 
What is my subject? for I confess at present I comprehend so much, that I know not whereabouts I am. However, let's march on softly, and perhaps I shall recollect myself. Well, pray tell me Master Charles the Fifth, than you think the King of France does not much matter the Thunders of the Vatican?  Ghost. 
I do believe so.  Volcart. 
Yet he acts so greatly the Bigot at present, that it is marvellous what they say of him.  Ghost. 
No matter.  Volcart. 
We are then very happy that the matter does not wholly depend on him, it is, thanks be to God, in the Hands of People brought up in other Maxims than you Earthly Monarches; you are commonly rocked with a Machiavelli in one Hand, so that you suck in with your Milk this Wretch's Policy. You have not, for the most part of you, either God, or Faith, or Law, altho' you have nothing else in your Mouths. We have to do with Charions, People brought up in the fear of God and of Rome, Persons of an upright Heart, a lively Faith, an irreproachable Conversation; in a word, on whom we may rely, when the question is to decide between Rome and France.  Ghost. 
Perhaps so.  Volcart. 
What do you mean by this perhaps so, as well as this snearing giggle which accompanies it?  Ghost. 
Prithee be not out of humour at my smiling, I mean thee, nor no body else any harm; only let me tell thee, thou expectest Miracle to be wrought out of season.  Volcart. 
Why the Devil are you so given to detraction? how can you have so ill an opinion of so venerable a body as that of the Canons? Ay, Venerable! is not that the name given 'em? And the Bishops themselves, do they call them otherwise, they that know 'em better than any?  Ghost. 
Whatever pompous Title is given, does not hinder a Man from being otherwise at bottom. Those that commit the greatest Injustices, yet are baptised by the name of Just. Another that shall violate whatever is most Divine and Sacred, shall be called Pious. Another that—  Volcart. 
Ah, say no more, I know you have reason; I remember that in the Pleading of Monsieur Talon, whom I not long since mentioned, he said (in speaking of the King his Master) a King so Pious! Yet wherein confists this Piety? is it in that he has taken away another Man's Wife, and openly kept her in the Face of all the World? or, is it that he keeps her at Court to serve as a scandal to all those who behold her? Is it in his other Adulteries which he has committed, as well before, as since his pretended Conversion? Who is it that knows not the History of Mademoiselle de M ...? And the Exile of the eldest Son to the Marquis de Louvois? Did it happen for any thing else than for speaking too freely his Mind? Who likewise knows not why the Marquis de S ..... has had the Office of keeping the Crown Jewels, which is worth twenty thousand Crowns a Year? And that Monsieur Pelletier, Controller-General, who had laid it down in the King's Hands, thought to make it fall into those of the Marquis de Louvois his good Friend and Benefactor. It was because that his Wife passed through a certain degree, and gave an hour or two of her time to this Monarch; what an happiness to have thus an handsome Wife! All Versailles might be swallowed up in ruin for the Iniquity of a Father, as well as that apartment which had like to have overwhelmed Monsicur Bontemps in its fall. This makes all forgotten. Present as many Memorials as you will after this, not one of 'em is read; or if they be, it's only to make a sacrifice of 'em to the Person beloved. Let one of the Commissaries be found tardy, and to justify himself, he shows he has done nothing but by his Master's Order; he is not believed, tho' all the Court are ready to testify for his Honesty, and tho' he be generally bewaised by all People, this will not hinder his disgrace. He must undergo the Punishment, he is a Rogue, a Rascal, a great Villain; in a word, deserves Hanging, were they not more favourable to him than his Crime deserves. Yet to speak freely, as matters are carried, he is more imprudent than criminal. Having had so long to do with a Minister, ought he not to know that the present Reign requires a Man to be furnished with an handsome Wise? With this Furniture a Man cannot fail, for if she be not for the Master's turn, she will serve some one else, who will have favour enough to make his assistance necessary.  Ghost. 
Truly, Master Porter, you prate roundly for a Man of your Mediocrity: have you heard all these Passages at your Gate? do not you know how cautious a Man must be of talking matters of this Nature?  Volcart. 
Ay, ay, so I am, of what passes here. I know how to shut mine Eyes on occasion, and not open 'em but when my Interest requires it. And therefore, having been already so free with you, I shall further tell you, that when a Woman comes here disguised in Man's , I leave always one corner of mine Eyes open, to see whether she be handsome or homely; yet I always put by evil thoughts which may arise: which makes me often tell myself, Thou art a damned censorious Fellow, thou art one of those who cannot see a Man and a Woman go to Bed together, but presently they must be naught; tho' I often know Persons, yet I tell myself I am mistaken, yet I could call 'em by their Names and Surnames, which makes me sometimes persuade myself they come here for some State business. I also sometimes lend my Ear, not through curiosity, but to confirm myself in my Opinion, and hearing now and then some Sighs, and knowing that our State Affairs go not well, I take matters by the best handle, so that instead of turning things on the side of Love, as another perhaps would do, I turn them on the side of Affection, which such may have for the public Welfare; and attribute hereunto this Affliction.  Ghost. 
This is very honest, and herein thou dost thy Duty.  Volcart. 
Ah, if I were at the Court of France, I should make a rare Minister ... To what purpose are all those Intrigues? and would it not be better the public knew less of 'em? It disgusts a Man when he has satisfied his fancy, for a Woman to talk to him of Marriage, for he will fear thereby to make himself the laughingstock of the World; but when he can imagine no body knows any thing of his Affairs, he goes with his Head listed up, and often Marries an old Whore, as creditibly as if she was an honest Woman. I have heard of a Duke and Peer of France, who died not long since, who understood so well this Maxim, that he would not let his own Domestics know what Trade he drove, altho' it be a hard matter to conceal it. He had hired an House in Grenelle-street, whose backside joined to another, where there was a very handsome Woman, and very modest to look on; so that having caused a passage to be made from one Apartment to the other, they frequented without any bodies perceiving them. This Duke's Wife dying, to his great content, they were Married together, and lived very happily, for all that I know.  Ghost. 
To hear-thee talk, one would think thou hast lain all thy life-time buried in Matter; whereas thou shouldst raise thy Thoughts, and consider that the Mind has infinitely more charms than the Body.  Volcart. 
So that when you made Love to the Queen of Hangary, and that other Woman whose Husband you murdered; this was all for the sake of their Minds. Ah, Master Charles, how you would Hoodwink the World! what necessity was there of killing this poor Man, who would not have hindered you from enjoying a Thing to which he had no more right than another? You were for concealing your Intrigues in all times, not like Lewis the Great, who was so far from hiding his Vices, that he carried along with him, openly where ever he went, his La Valicre, Montespan, Maintenon, and Fontanges. It's true, he now practices according to your example, having a private back-stairs for such occasions. But do not you know, how the Devil became an Hermit when he grew old? And this is perhaps the occasion too why you read me these Lessons; but I would willingly know at what Age you yourself put them in practice.  Ghost. 
And at what Age wilt thou become wise, thou that speakest?  Volcart. 
I will not become so, for I pretend to be so already. But is it not very fair, that you who have learned so many things from me, should make me a requital by intrusting me with your Secret to communicate to your Descendants, seeing you told me in the beginning, that this was the reason why you set out from the other World? for I'll go as far as Madrid to reveal it to our Monarch.  Ghost. 
My time is out, and I have leave to stay no longer, I must bid thee farewell.  Volcart. 
O he is vanished indeed; how suddenly is he gone? Ah, good Sir, let me have but one word more with you, let me have but some token that may make the World believe that I have discoursed with you. But you are dumb as well as invisible. I must blaze abroad this Conversation, tho' all the World▪ will count me a Fool.   

ADVERTISEMENT.  
LAtely Published, The History of the Most Renowned Don Quixote of Mancha, and his Trusty Squire Sancha Pancha, now made English according to the Humour of our Modern Language, Adorned with several Copper Plates, and sold by John Newton.  
FINIS.