Flagellum Mercurii Anti-Ducalis: OR, The Author of the Disingenuous Touch of the Times Brought to the Whipping-Post, to prevent his coming to the GALLOWS. Mr. Care (not Car, it seems) I Think I had great Reason to take Notice of it, to be so abused in Print as I was, by the Author of Rome's Packet, whom I had never irritated. But be the Author who he will, you have abused me worse than he, disingenuously to Expose my Letter in Print, and not have given me a Civil Account of my misinformation, which had made me your Debtor, and which you might have done by any of those you call Small Intelligencers (of whom anon) any, I say, which had lived nearest you (as for myself I Live out of Town, further than I thought you were willing to come. But, Sir, the Ass, you know, having put on the Lion's Skin, was acknowledged by his Ears; and your Style betrays your Gild to every one, as Peter's Voice discovered him to the Maid: I'll assure you I can bring the Person that assured me you are the Author. But that you are a Pamphleteer, your Title bewrays you; (A Touch of the Times) had you not had an infected Scabby Genius that way, you could not have hit on't: And besides, the Gentleman that gave me first Notice of it, uttered this, The Fellow, I warrant you, had an Angel for doing on't, the Letter has been kind to him: I'll assure you, Sir, he was one of His Majesty's Officers at Arms, and also other ways well Qualified. Sir, the Second part of the Title hints to me, that your Wit was at that time intercepted, for where's any interception of a Letter? when 'tis plainly downright Directed, and he to whom 'twas sent, confesses he Received it September 16. the same day 'twas left— You blame me for good Husbandry, and flout me for bringing the Letter myself: The Truth is, I sent it by a Friend to the Queen's Head Tavern, but they told him you had left the House, but Lived in such a place: He was loath to go out of his way, so I went myself, and did indeed deliver it at your Being, Scituate in a little Ruelle (pass plus grande que celle du lict) and no ways agreeable to the Greatness of your Mind and Spirit, that will not brook or digest the Pope; nay, a Man so Excellently Qualified, that through all England none so fit to Discover the Cheats and Legerdemains of the Man of Sin; nay that for many Months hath laid Siege to his City, and no doubt in the end will Ruin his Government. Aesop's Fly is now upon the Wheel with his Quantam vim pulveris excito. Mr. Care, 'tis good to have a care of the Main Chance; and Frugality is a Virtue approvable and laudable in a King (if you will believe Tully in his Orations, Pro Rege Deiotaro) and improperly scoffed at by you, that have lately left the Tavern, and sneak into an Alehouse. But, Sir, if the Deniers will hold out, drink Wine still, to Refresh the Pamphletick Faculty, the Poet tells you, Nulla placere diù neque vivere Pamphleta possunt, Quae Scribuntur aquae potoribus, etc. Why talk I of Deniers holding out, when as the peccant Press (for the most part) Entertained the Caitiff Pamphleteer with the Juice of the Grape at the foresaid Tavern, Ominously Seated a little without Newgate, even in the very way of Death, by which the Seditious Dolorously, but deservedly, passed to the Trinacrian Tree. Mr. Pettifogger, for Trade's sake, be not Angry with Pamphleta, being Ignoramus his Latin. My Wizzardisme tells me not what three Caps a piece is, surely some Cerberus, or Asinine (not Cabalistical) Triumvirate. Sir, it cannot be, but you must needs be a Pamphleteer, and Mr. L'Estrange (during his Reign, as you call it) I doubt me, would not permit your Quisquiliae to pass abroad, and therefore you are Angry with him too: He Reigned well and wisely, and had not his Reign been determined, your Letter, beginning Most Illustrious, and pour Terrible prefixed to Reges ac ipsis ortos, etc. had not bewrayed your Anti-monarchical, Anti-ducal, Fanatical Spirit, by giving Scommatical Epithets. Sir, because I say most-Just things of his most Royal H. (and quote others that also do) and Affirm, he shall yet be other ways Most Illustrious, you give that Title to me— You cast Royal Bread to Dogs— Remember Collingborne, (2 Richard III) whose Distich was a good piece of allusive wit, in respect of King Richard's Badge, which was the Porc-Sanglier, or Wild Boar (as R. Brook and others Affirm) yet the Composer died under the Umbrage. Of the Mortiferous Gallow-Tree, Which you deserve far more than he. Justà ment Cares, non Justâ fune Carebis, Objicere injustè qui scommata Regibus ansus. Sir, Erra Pater is a Book I am too Old to Read now; you may call him Errans Pater if you please: But give me leave to tell you, The Observer of Childermas-day (that you speak of with so much scorn) though you think him not so wise as yourself, yet he was a King (Reges Reverentèr habe) and not the veriest Benoict of his Age. If you are not the Author of the Packet, you may (for aught I know) not be so knowing as he: Therefore, not to trouble you with Platina's Latin, I refer you to the Meditations of Camerarius in English (p. 246.) He tells you, Popes are not Immortal, and can die brokenhearted, and instances John 24. You have a very unkind Expression (Mr. Care) as I hinted before: You cannot cordially brook the Pope's Subjects as such— Jove be Merciful to the poor Souls of Campania di Roma, Patrimonio di Santo pedro; Vmbria, Ancona, and other Provinces, over whom the Pope is Temporal Prince: why, alas, alack a-day, Mr. Care hath left them to themselves, he disowns them quite; and no doubt hath thereby given his Holiness a deadly Creve-coeur. Haeret lateri laethalis Arundo, he hath pricked him to the Heart— This Care is an Ominous Name: Care will kill a Cat— Cura facit Canos, etc. Cura animum nunc huc nunc dividit illuc, Et rapit in parts varias. When the Pope hears of your Unkindness, He will be at his wit's end; he will not know which way in the World to turn himself, and all long of Care— O Curas hominum. But I Omitted one thing (which should have come in before) you are pleased to mention the breaking of an Act of Parliament; there was no need of that, nor intended any such thing: I tell you, I offered it, Gratis, to Mr. B. Mr. S. and Mr. F. (the Intelligencers, as you call them) and to others: They were to get it Licenced, but they would not run the hazard, doubting the event, it being a difficult time, such as we read of, Judges 9 a strange kind of Spirit Operated in the mind of most Men with a vehemence against his R. H. rejoicing at his Recess, wishing he might never Return; nay, I have heard very many affirm with great Animosity, that he had taken his final leave, and that he neither would be permitted, or durst return any more. Haec sic eructans ignobile mobile Vulgus. Odi. And this Spirit, I hope, God hath already, or will allay. Regum Corda Deus at aquarum flumina vertit, Prov. 21. 1. Profanum Vulgus nec minùs ille Regit. He that of Kings restrains the Potent Will, Can the Tumultuous Raging Vulgar still. Sir, you are a mere Catchpole; pray don't snap at us in Deus used long, nor at pro in profanus; for the force, strength, and weight of Pronunciation, in the last, lies in fâ, and the Prosodia excuses the first. But again, what can any moderate Man (not Spirited as aforesaid) say against the Fatality? At the beginning of it there's Collections out of many worthy Authors (only from them) recited by me; and at the latter end there is a composition of mine own, Talis Qualis, part of an Ode of Sir Thomas Higgins, and the Remarkable Predicted Circumstances concerning the Duke, Printed with his Effigies, Anno 1641. and some freaks or Ridiculous flim flams (as you call them) about the 3d. of March. Now, Sir, call them what you please, but know, the Author of the said Book of Effigies says thus concerning His Majesty's Birth, Felix is Happy, and on Felix day This Prince was Born, the 29th. of May: A Hopeful Branch of Happiness to come To us and all disjointed Christendom, etc. Sir, you had best be Angry and witty with him too, as a Day-observer; and Blaspheme the King, as you have done the Duke (if being Author of the Packet) which I tell you again you are averred to be, or at least one of the Triumvirate. Rameiro, the Second King of Arragon, caused Eleven of his Barons to be Beheaded for unreverent Deriding of him; using a Sarcasme, which my French Author thus Expresses. Cese fausse Renairdaille, Ne scait de qui elle raille. I'll English it thus: This false Fox was not aware, That he touched Kings (like Mr. Care.) These bold Barons knew, when 'twas too late, that they had Jested with the Hatchet; Oh Chordae sit tibi Cura! Mr. Care, Kings were Terrible in those days (and are still, what ere you think. As to Inundation of Latin, I know none (nor no body ever Objected that but your Impentinent self.) I confess, the Mensal Fatality takes up twelve Verses; but those that have any Air of Curiosity and Antiquity (and are totally void of Hypocritical Fanaticisme, Approve of them.) You love not Latin, no more than you do the Pope's Subjects viz. Those of the Provinces— aforementioned (for so your Expressions signify.) But give me leave to tell you, Mr. Chiquaneur a maizon, (that like a good Husband, had always shit at home) that Latin is of some Esteem abroad; and that the Golden Bull enjoined, That the Sons of the Germane Electors should in their Youth Learn the Italian, Latin, and Sclavonian Tongue. Mr. L'Estrange (in a very good thing lately come out) plainly hints, Those that Oppose the Duke, etc. Strike at the King; Non procul, es à tramitibus mortis [à Crimine laesae Majestatis] ab Arbore Ominosa. Have a Care, Sir, Prudens à nomine fias. Sir, you are exceedingly troubled at my I faith; Consult Heulot's Dictionary, Augmented by Higgins (a Surname Born to Wit and Learning) and you will find (in the word Envy) Virgil's— Haud equidem Invideo, Englished; In Faith, I envy not thy luck, etc. You are pleased to tell me, I Faith is not so Jantee in writing, as by word of mouth: I confess you are an Egregious Master of the English Tongue, but not so of the French: Though I never drank French Wine at the Queen's Head (a place heretofore dignified by your Access) yet I have drank Wine in France, and never tasted this word before. Sir, I meant nothing of Al-a-mode de Godfrey towards your Eminent Active self, only I hinted something to you, what you might Incur by your bold and saucy Temerity— I would Advise you to go to the end of Coleman-street or Billingsgate, and other places, and near the Stocks there, stand Hieroglyphic Remarkable Columns, whereupon are Elegantly Carved the Punishments due to your several Demerits: Methinks I see you Care-fully beholding the same, and especially that of the Dismal Triple Tree, and that I hear a Voice as of a Pythonical Spirit, susurrously uttering, Son Care, have Regard to thy Latter end, and Remember the Indulgence of the Scarlet Robe, that hath once already unbound you from the Post of Correction, sparing your Back, and only given your scurrilous pen suspension. Sir, you say, you will never Read any more of my Volumes: A Pox take you, why did you put yourself to so much unnecessary trouble about the last? Now, Sir, I will promise you, and perform it, This is the last ten shillings I will bestow upon you. Ben. Johnson says to his Detractor, — Thou Blatant Beast, In writing against me, thou thinkest at least, That I would write on thee; mean wretch, thy Name Shall not work out unto it, such a Fame. To which I add, If ere I beat the Busb after thee (Care) The Devil take both Huntsman and the Hare. And know I can find myself Beef and Mutton sans Pamphleting, and I tell you, you are the Author of the Packet. Lastly, Sir, you are pleased to Name Mr. Philip Foxcroft (alias) Foxall, to gibe him too: I'll tell you what he is; he is an Honest Man, well Qualified, he doth nothing to deny, or be ashamed of: He was not Born in England, but speaks as good English as you or I: His Native Tongue is French, and he is a very good Latinist. Use my Name to him, when ever you are to Scribble French, and he will Instruct you how to spell: You do suppose him to be my Godfather (here I am to seek where the Sal is) he is not so; but I'll be yours (if you please) and I Name my Adopted Son, Mercurius Ignoramus (in respect of his Calling, and Memorial of that most Pleasant Comedy) or else Anti-monarchicus Anti-ducalis Fanaticus, which he pleases; and this last, in respect of his Loving Friends, to please whom, he endeavoured in a acquaint way (as he thought) to quip them of St. Omers and the Pope's Vassals (that laugh him to scorn.) Godson, if any thing I have written hath stirred up Choler in you, 'tis your own fault, for you dealt very ingentilely in Publishing my Letter, and my Friends Names. Saepè quod ingratum est nimiùm qui provocat audit. The Theatre of fine Devices (Translated out of French) Englishes this for me, It is not good in Peace or War, To Provoke thy Foe too far. FINIS.