God's Mercy and Justice Displayed, IN THE WICKED LIFE AND PENITENTIAL DEATH OF DOROTHY LILLINGSTONE, Executed the 7. of April, 1679. at Kennington, for Murdering her bastard-child.  
Published at Her Earnest Request.  
With Allowance.  
London, Printed by J. Bennet, for R. Miller. 1679.   

The Life and Death of Dorothy Lillingstone.  
I Acknowledge it a mercy beyond my expectation or desert, that the Almighty should please to spare me this time and opportunity, to make my peace with him, who by my repeated Impieties I have so often and heinously offended, as likewise to confess my crimes to others, thereby to deter and warn all from treading in those paths that have brought me into the condition I am now miserably groaning under; the latter of which works, as it may conduce in some measure to accomplish the former, is the intent of the ensuing lines; wherein to pretermit all matters unnecessary, I shall in the first place give the world some account of my former ill-led life, and the crime for which I stand under sentence of Death: and in the next, my present sense of the state and condition I am in: As to the first of which, I am to acquaint you, That I was born in Oxfordshire, and received my Education under godly and religious parents, whose names in respect to the reverence I own to their memory, I shall in this place spare; with them till the age of thirteen years I lived, in which space (the most innocent part of my life, I can reflect upon) I began to find the sprouting of those Sins which afterwards in my life and future conversation, did grow to greater maturity, and bore the bitter fruits of my present sufferings: The first of which that came under my observation, and now sticks hard upon my conscience, was disobedience to my parents, in those instructions and commands their love and my interest put them upon laying before me, (to wit) the service of that God, to whom my being and well-being was indebted, but careless of those instructions, and my own good, I trampled upon their advice, and like the Swine disregarded the pearl, not knowing the value of it, and wallowed in the mire and dirt of my own evil heart and affections, forsaking my Duties to God both in private and public prayer, reading, and hearing, with other duties of his worship, which was the first cause that provoked God to leave me to myself, and so consequently to all the evils I have since fell into: in the consideration of which my conscience flies in my face, and upbraids me with this great truth, that the breach was not on God's part but mine, for if I had continued in those ways and courses, my parents by the inculcation of Scripture had taught me, and not trusted to myself or my own manadgery, God would never have forsaken me, nor permitted me to fall into those inconveniences I now sink under the weight of. I left my parents about the age of thirteen, and betook myself to a service in Becconsfield in the County of Bucks, where growing in years I grew in sin, and day by day added guilt to guilt; to my former disobedience of my parents and neglect of God I now joined lust and pride, those two reigning and destructive sins, the root and beginning of all my future failings; to which as to the head spring I own all the motions and gradations I have made hellwards; the strength of which two sins, especially that of my lust, the Devil that great deluder of souls made the bait of his temptations to ensnare & keep me in the net of his Jurisdiction, wherein I then commenced and have ever since continued a slave. How great the power of this sin is when once it hath made an inroad upon Chastity the bulwark against it, those only know who feel the powerful operations thereof in themselves, or behold it in the sad instances and effectives of its strength in others: from Becconsfield I removed to Wattleton in the same County to another service which happened in a public house, in which place being not fifteen years of age, I made myself a prostitute to those lusts I had before that time only approved of, and was delighted with in the revolution of my thoughts; the remembrance of which sin (at that time a most sweet and delicious morsel to my ) is now the bitter ingredient of my misery: It is now I see how deceitfully fair were all those false apples of Sodom, my former pleasures: Rottenness was lodged in the core, pollution in the touch, and destruction in the taste thereof. From Wattleton I removed for London, but though I changed my residence, my heart was not changed, and I still continued in those courses, the suggestions thereof and my own impure affections led me to, and grew more hardy and bold in my crimes; Sins I formerly trembled at the commitment of, I could now meet without the least reluctancy or tremulation, swallowing greedily my own poison, esteeming it my pleasantest food and choicest provision, such as wherein neither danger of surfeiting my soul or destroying my body was ever in the least to be feared: yet at some time the Devil though his power was sovereign in me, could not stop the mouth of that rebel to him my conscience, but it would tell me how great a criminal I was to myself, and slave to an unjust master in the courses I prosecuted: this in the heat and vigour of my enjoyments would sometimes quell and damp them; but like a sickly Qualm, the health of my pleasure would quickly rid my stomach thereof; the Devil turning Physician (as at such times he was always readiest to do) and administering a pill or dose of false comfort, to relieve me. From London I returned to my parents in Oxfordshire, where after some short stay with them, I removed to Chesham, little delighting in the company of those whereby I might have been benifited in relation to my soul, knowing that that would put me upon bridling my lust, too great a self-denial to be thought on with patience: At Chesham I alighted into a Family where I lived about two years, one year and three quarters of which I lived in the constant commitment of whoredom with my Master, who was at that time a married man, and by him I had a Child which is yet living, to bring which into the world, and to cover that sin I had committed, I was removed for London, where after some short time being delivered of the burden of my sin and shame, and the issue thereof provided for, I went in the quality of a wet-Nurse into a very honest and Religious Family in Roderith, where I might if my own evil heart had not been foolish and desperately wicked, been warned both by their example and precept to other courses than I did then or since follow; but when once God gives up a person or people to a reprobate sense and state, neither examples can allure nor precepts oblige them to what may be for their own benefit; so besotted and foolish a creature is man in that state, that though he knows his own good, yet he either neglects or disowns it as a trifle, nay, many times esteems it as an injury to be put in mind thereof. From Roderith I removed into Frogmorton-street, where likewise in a very honest Family I was well placed, wherein I observe the goodness of God in affording me those means of return to himself which my own evil heart at all times eschewed; and how well might it now have been with me had God given me grace to have followed the counsel and advice of the Mistress in whose service I then lived; how many harsh reflections of a guilty conscience, how many besmeared cheeks and swollen eyes, and above all how many sins, besides this for which I must go hence and be seen no more, might have been spared thereby? In this service though often warned against it I became acquainted with a person (whose Name though I might have cause, yet having forgiven all the world, I shall not mention) who did prevail upon me to the committing of that crime, the issue whereof hath justly contracted my days; by him I found myself with child, and upon some difference thereabouts with my aforesaid Mistress, I parted thence, and went to live in a very reputable Family within the County of Surrey, where I saw the Service of God duly and faithfully administered, and every minute met with those examples of good and religious living, that had I not been hardened to the highest degree, I should certainly have taken notice of it: But so strong was the infatuation of the devil upon me at that time, that I grew hardened under the means of mercy, and the more God extended his kindness to me, the less good was wrought on me thereby; the sunbeams of his mercy shone upon my clay'y heart only to its hardening, whilst the hearts of others were melted like wax into a through-obedience of those commands I trampled upon and spurned at: In this condition the devil had brought me and kept me, the issue of my body still growing more mature, and I senseless of my own folly, more regarding the shame of the matter towards me, and amongst my acquaintance, than the crime I had committed against the great God of heaven and earth, whose holy commands I had so repeatedly violated: The time of my delivery growing nearer each day than other, I had several thoughts of providing for the infant, and accordingly had taken a room, but the temptations of the devil overpowered all good resolutions in me, and when the hour of bringing forth approached, leaving the principles of Christianity, and laying aside the bowels and tenderness of a Mother, forgetting the laws of God and nature, and disregarding the checks of my own conscience, I basely and inhumanly strangled the issue of my womb, and strove to conceal as well the sin as shame of this horrid Murder from the eyes of the world, by hiding the infant in my Trunk, so great, so crying a sin, that were the blood of Christ, or the mercy of God of less value than it is, I should utterly despair of ever obtaining a pardon therefore. Lord! what a wretched creature is man divested of thy grace! how are all those noble faculties wherewith thou didst at first endow him, disfigured? his highest wisdom perfect madness, his greatest mercy extremest cruelty, all his actions, foolish and besottedly ignorant; the Devil's engine to ruin and destroy as well his own as others souls: even such a creature Lord am I; and can I ever hope to see thy face? can thy holiness admit so vile and impure a wretch as myself to be in thy presence? I that have so often affronted thy Majesty, trampled upon thy honour, abused thy mercy; I that am a Whore, a Murderer, a Liar, the very worst of thy creation, can I ever expect thy mercy? The Laws of men have left no Asylum for me to fly to, and wilt thou, oh Lord, tender thy bosom to receive and preserve me? infinite is thy mercy and thy son's intercession, therefore will I not despair. This crime thus committed, Justice hath overtaken me for, and before an earthly Tribunal; I have received a most just sentence therefore, and am now under the daily expectation of taking my last farewell of the world, and shaking hands with all the follies and troubles thereof, which leads me to the second thing premised, viz. an account of my present thoughts in relation to the condition my sins have reduced me to; the which to methodise, for the benefit of others, though it is my earnest desire, yet am I sensible the task is difficult, considering the confusions and disturbances thereof, the many mixtures of fears and hopes arising from the different considerations of my former miscarriages and present but imperfect assurances; wherefore I shall first of all in general lay before you a draft, though but an imperfect one, of my said thoughts upon my first conviction, and then proceed to show you, how God hath pleased to work upon me in order to the settlement of those confusions I was then disturbed with: wherefore in the first place, no sooner had I received sentence of Death from an Earthly throne, but it put me in mind of that sentence I was shortly to receive in the highest Heavens from that God, and for those crimes, whereby during all my life I had so highly provoked his anger and vengeance against me; which consideration filled me with terrors of the Almighty, and made me cry out under the weight of my burden, that it was greater than I could bear: Hell-fire flashed in my face, and the devil who formerly hurried me presumtuously to persist in my impieties, now turned the drift of his temtations to force me to despair, making use of the memory of my former crimes, in all the black aggravations thereof to enhance my infidelities, terrifying me with the justice of God, who before he had represented as a merciful father, ready and easy to forgive his failing children, he now shapes as an angry Judge bound to condemn offenders: In this condition never was misery greater than the thoughts of that chance I was and am shortly to make; neither ever had any creature a more perfect portraiture of the ugliness of sin then at this time I met with: Imagine but then how little pleasure, or rather how great was my torture in the revolutions of the idle expense of my former hours and days, of my former pleasant and as I then thought innocent pastimes: These were my torment, but how much more, how exceedingly and inconceiveably greater was the thoughts of my disobedience to my parents, my neglect of God in all the duties of his worship, my excessive pride, my repeated and continued whoredoms, and above all my unnatural destruction of the offspring of my own body: These were as mountains of Lead under which helpless and hopeless I lay overwhelmed; my comfort came slowly upon me, and though sometimes a Beam of hope would shine in upon my soul from the consideration of the merits and blood of Christ (my dear Lord and Saviour) yet the same was immediately clouded by the revolution of the thoughts premised, and now it was I found how hard the work of repentance, (let the world pass what sentiments they please thereon) was to bring about, how many were the conflicts with the flesh and the Devil that I grappled with, how many bitter sighs and groans, how many fears and terrors was I wrapped up in ere I could bring myself to a serious and hearty repentance for my past crimes? It is true, the condition I was in, under a sentence of Death, made me sorry, that I had committed the offence that had brought me thereto, yet the fear of death more than the greatness of the crime against God was the cause of that sorrow, and had not that sentence been past upon me, I fear my heart would never have been affected with that sorrow: Whence I would beg and request of all to whom these lines shall come, that they take it as the advice of a dying woman, who being nearer, can see further into the things of another world, than those who stand at a distance thence, that they would not defer the great work of repentance, till they come within prospect of eternity, which every day brings them nearer to then other. Thus much in general; I shall descend to particulars, in showing you, how God hath pleased to work upon me in order to the settlement of my thoughts under these confusions I was at present under, wherein notwithstanding all those suggestions the Devil and my own evil heart did terrify me with, I have found that God is a merciful father to repentant and returning sinners though just against obstinate offenders: To his free grace in Christ Jesus my Lord I attribute all the comfort I have and must receive, here and hereafter: Wherefore in the first place I shall show you, that God hath been pleased by a graciously powerful hand to work upon me, in turning me to a perfect detestation of my sins, more in that they are and have been an affront to his Majesty, than the Cause of that temporal Death I am to suffer therefore. To make out this, I am to acquaint you, that having received my Sentence on Thursday night, I continued in great confusions as aforesaid for two or three days, and though a good Friend who tarried most part of the time with me, assisted me with his advice and prayers, yet could I not bring myself to so settled a temper, but that my fears clouded my hopes, and deprived me of those comforts, which otherwise and under other Considerations I might have received, the devil being all this time busy in stirring that mud, my own evil heart had too readily raised. On the Monday following I was visited by a Minister of worth within the City of London, who after several questions by him propounded, and threats of the Law against such criminals as myself were laid open, I began to see my transgressions, without that vizard the Tempter had generally masked them with; the uncomely shape whereof, did administer that amazement to me, which was the first step of that abhorrency I have since conceived against them, and no wonder that poor creatures are so much deceived, in their opinion of sin, considering the specious advantage under which a representation by that evil one is made thereof: the which till the purblind eyes of man come to the nearest view thereof (to wit,) in a punishment therefore, or by God's special grace, he can never discern it in its true proportion or colour, but continues under a fancied deceit, that there is in sin somewhat exceedingly amiable, profitable, or reputable amongst men, without which he could never live under that enjoyment of happiness and content, as the same would at all times afford him: Thus (with many thousands in the like case with me) I was always deluded, and on this account did I run on in those sinful courses whose end is a scertained destruction, as I to my cost have found it; but the time is now come, that the vail is drawn aside, and I begin to consider the inside and bottom of those crimes which before that time lay covered under a specious and fair superficies: and thereby came to a discovery of what before I never did really possess myself with: I now considered every sin a breach of God's Law, and a provocation of that vengeance that might every moment have spurned me into an abyss of misery, and turned me out amongst those who are weeping, wailing, and gnashing their teeth, in the pit of perdition, from whence to the throne of grace and mercy no appeal can be: and that it was the exceeding patience and forbearance of God that he had spared so vile, so impure a wretch as myself, so long under such continued and repeated impieties, to violate his laws, and contemn his most Sacred and august authority: which considerations, as they raised my detestation and hatred against sin, so did they enhance the value and price of God's mercy, the two first stones to that great work of conversion, which I hope God has in me the unworthyest subject of his choice in some measure graciously effected, as arguments of which my own heart gives me these five evidences, which laid together confirm the same to my comfort.  
1. That under the sense of my Sin, I confess and acknowledge myself deservedly a condemned creature, unless the application of the blood of Christ my Saviour and his intercession, at the throne of grace, joining with the free love of God, shall repeal the sentence against me.  
2. I do throughly and from my heart detest and abhor sin in general, and should God please to lengthen out my days, I should continue my resolutions of a through repentance and reformation of life, forsaking all courses contrary to God's holy word and Law.  
3. I find in my Spirit a delight in reading and prayer, things I formerly omitted and eschewed.  
4. A fiduciary expectation of forgiveness from God, of all past crimes, through Jesus Christ, freely relying and reposing myself on him for Salvation.  
5. I do freely and from my heart forgive all the world, and bear to none the least ill will.  
Which considerations, are the ground of that hope, that balms my wounded heart, and cordials my decaying spirits, under the great change I am so shortly to make: To discourse of which is the next, and last thing I have to say, and would to God I could now lay by all the clogs of flesh, and earth, and mount up upon the wings of faith, into such a state as the Apostle was when he desired to be dissolved, and be with Christ; but alas! how many difficulties, am I now to grapple with, what Mountains of opposition stand in my way, too high and great, to travel over: before me I see a fair Heaven, inviting and alluring the aspect to an enjoyment thereof, but distant from my Eye, by depth seemingly stormy and impassable, into which I am fearful and loath to launch, fearing the weight of my sins, should sink me, ere I could compass the other shore: I look back, and see my former habitations in the flesh, which knowledge and custom had rendered pleasant to me, ruined and destroyed, nothing commendable in it for my stay, or entertainment: my familiars forgetting despising, and forsaking me, under disgrace with all, through my own crime and folly, and a Judicial necessity upon me, to speed my way; in this case, perplexed, comfort flies me on all sides, if I look, down I am startled at my own ill representations and shadow; to Heaven therefore is my best and last refuge, whether when I extend my Eyes, my soul breathes our, in desires to this or the like effect. (Lord thou knowest my past frailties and present perplexities, be thou my streersman to guide me, through this Sea of tears to thyself, without thee and thy assistance, I should immediately split upon the Rocks of despair, or sink into the Gulf of infidelity, where I should ever remain, without hope to bring my Shipwrackt Soul into the Haven of thy mercy, which stands at all times open for repenting and believing sinners.) To such breathe of my Soul, God is sometimes pleased to give the answer of his spirit, in the return of peace, at which time, as the Sun that hath long lain hid in a dark Eclipse, darts forth its refreshing rays, to the comfort of beholders, so from that black scene of sorrow, under which my breast is troubled, radiates a joy unspeakable, and so great, that I cannot express it, but in the blessed effects thereof, which leads me to the despising the world, in the greatest pleasures of it, and mounts up my Soul so high, above the nether Sphere, that when I view it, methinks it seems so little and despicable a spot, what were it to be purchased by the rate, of one of the least crimes I ever was guilty of, it would be unmercifully over rated; and in this condition, imagine whether I have any mind or desire, to take up a habitation therein, and neglect those divine mansions, where cares and troubles, and above all, sin is a stranger; Mansions where God and Angels inhabit, and enjoy themselves, in a continued hallelujah and harmony, to which I am a going; it is then I can kiss the halter that shall strangle me, and the hand that shall dispatch me to these enjoyments, accounting myself happy in my troubles, and blest in my miseries: But thus it fares not at all times with me, but flesh will get the upper hand, and sometimes drag me down to Earth, and keep me from mounting Heavenward, which as it is against my peace, so likewise much against my will and prayers to God, that he would please to prevent it: Thus have I gone through, with what in the first part of this Discourse was premised, (viz.) an Account of my Life and crime, for which I received my sentence of Death, as also the sense of my condition, upon consideration of both: it remains now only upon the whole, That the Reader would candidly interpret, of what these lines have contained, and make use of them as a warning, from running on in those ways, the Devil and my own heart hath led me in, whose end will be certainly bitter, to all that pursue the same; which that the same use may be made thereof, shall be to the last gasp, the prayer of Dorothy Lillingstone.   

A Supplement to the Preceding Discourse.  
IT is certainly the highest Judgement, as well as the greatest misery of this Age, that the frequent and many Examples which every day present themselves, to the view of the World, should work so little upon the Inhabitants thereof, to turn them from their evil ways to repentance, and make them forsake those courses, whose end will be assuredly grievous to them; one main reason whereof may be this, That so few amongst the many, that are by God's Justice set forth, as Examples to others, are regarded as such, but are esteemed as the worst of creatures, and so not worthy the serious considerations of such, that think themselves paramount, above the fear or danger of falling into such crimes, as brought those to their deserved ends; little considering the deceitfulness of their own hearts, and the proneness of every one of us, if once deserted by God, to fall into the worst of crimes, or else the Example intended by God, is stifled by the sufferers silence, or the reputation of Relations, who are not to expose their friends failings, and disgraceful ends to the World; To prevent both which false uses of God's providence, the preceding discourse was intended and penned, wherein the truth of the Relation commends the same to the Reader: And I shall say but little Additional thereto, only request that into whose hands this small Treatise may fall, they would make this triple use of it.  
1. To see the deceitfulness of the heart of man.  
2. The great mischiefs that arise, from the seemingly little and inconsiderable beginnings of sin.  
3. To take this as an Example, to warn others from trusting to their own hearts, or venturing upon sin in the least degree thereof, lest thereby they may be brought to those mischiefs, which be certainly destructive to the pursuers: This only by the way.  
I now proceed, to give an Account of Dorothy Lillingstone, since the end of her own Narrative: The day before her death, being with her, I made an inquiry in what condition she found herself; and whether she was settled, and disposed for the great work she was the next day to go through. To which she answered me, that it was no easy work to die, but such wherein the greatest difficulties imaginable, were to be encountered, and she had upon the first thoughts of the same so found it, but through the grace of God, she had been so wrought upon, that she could then easily, and willingly meet and embrace it, in the worst of its appearances, or words to this effect; after which, upon further discourse, I inquired upon what grounds she became willing to die, who had been formerly so terrified thereat, to which she replied, God had been so merciful to her, and made her sensible of the greatness of her crimes, whereby she had been wrought to a real Repentance therefore, and thereby was under the great hopes of forgiveness, through the blood and merits of Christ, her dearest Lord and Saviour, the which temper of mind, she was further encouraged to, through the certainty of her Death, which every minute she was put in mind of, by the sight of her Coffin and , (then being in the Chamber with her;) after which I began through the great hopes I perceived of her, to give her consolation and encouragement in her present temper of mind, and assured her, that her sins, though never so many and great (as she had confessed hers to be) were not sufficient to stand between God and her happiness; for that God's Mercy was infinite, and her iniquities in the highest sum, but finite. I then enquired of her, how she intended to spend the ensuing night, to which she answered, she had taken her last farewell of her bed, and did intent to set up in Prayer and Reading all night; against which, considering her weakness, I dissuaded her, telling her her strength could not bear it out; to which she suddenly answered, Persuade me not against it, for I am resolved this night to serve my God, though in weakness, and I am encouraged to hope he will accept thereof; After which being about to leave her, she only desired me to provide her a little Bible (having then only a great one by her) to carry in her hand the next day to the place of Execution, saying, she would there read a Chapter and a Psalm, and in a few words give warning to the Spectators of her death, and the causes of it, and so commend herself and soul to God in prayer. After which I left her to God: And the next Morning I came to her early, and rejoiced to find her in a very quiet temper of mind, submitting to the Justice of God in the great work she was that day to undergo; the which she told me she was encouraged unto, in that God had pleased to lift up the Light of his Countenance upon her, and give her some assurance of his love to her (notwithstanding her manifold crimes) in and through Christ: and that now she could leave the World willingly, expecting those happinesses in the place whether she was going, that all the greatnesses and pleasures, could be met with in her abode here, could never afford her; I then enquired whether according to her former desire this Manual should be exposed to the World, to which she answered me, she was very desirous it might, and that I would cause the same to be Printed, saying, she had spoken to several Ministers therein, who had commended her former thoughts, in relation thereto, and that her friends did expect it: but above all, she hoped it might be for the public benefit, to warn others from crimes that were her destruction, saying, she hoped that her ruin might stand as a monument of Brass, to give notice to the world, of the evil and pernicious work of Sin. After which I left her, and met her again at the place of Execution, where she behaved herself Exemplarily penitent, amongst the number of those who suffered with her, and were obstinately hardened under the sentence of Death; at which time she read the 7th. Chapter of Job, and the 51. Psalms, and addressed herself to God in prayer, desiring the spectators there present to pray for her, and to take her example as a means to deter them from the courses that brought her to that deserved and shameful end, which she was now come at that place and time to accomplish: After which she quietly surrendered her soul to the Almighty, and her body to Execution; which work being over, her friends removed her Corpse in a Coach in order to her Burial: and accordingly was decently interred in in the Parish Church of St. George's Southwark.  
FINIS.