THE WESTERN WONDER: OR, O Brazeel, AN ENCHANTED ISLAND discovered; with a Relation of Two Shipwrecks in a dreadful Sea-storm in that discovery.  
To which is added, A DESCRIPTION of a Place, CALLED, Montecapernia, RELATING The NATURE of the PEOPLE, their QUALITIES, HUMOURS, FASHIONS, RELIGION, etc.  
LONDON, Printed for N. C. M.DC.LXXIV.   

 five scenes   


O Brazeel: OR, The ENCHANTED ISLAND.  
NEW Discoveries of late, are as much admired as Miracles of old, and as difficultly believed, notwithstanding the variety of apparent proofs which demonstrate their undoubted Verity; and without question this Incredulity proceeds from no other cause, than the abuse of Belief, occasioned by such monstrous Fictions as the Isle of Pines, A New World in the Moon, with the like Lunatic Stories, by which the credulous World hath been misguided into a Faith wholly preposterously erroneous and ridiculous.  
That our present Discourse of this New Discovery of O Brazeel, may not be suspected of the like lying Reports, it will be requisite to inquire whether there was, first, ever any such place? and next, whether yet it hath a being?  
That there was an Island called O Brazeel, I need not bring any other proofs or demonstrations to confirm that Opinion, than your own observations out of Strabo, and other ancient Geographers, in whose Maps you may find both the Island, its name, and situation; yet of late years it hath not been seen, for which cause, some imagine that being but a small tract of Land, it is either swallowed up by the Sea, or that the Island is Enchanted. We have greater Reasons to believe the latter, if we consider the various Reports have been spread abroad of late by such Seamen, who by their several Affidavits have avouched they have seen this Island, but could not reach it, by all the skill they had in Navigation. And I that which most induced them to believe this must be that Isle so much talked of for its Enchantment, was, That it appeared in that part of the Glean where they never saw Land before, and over which they frequently have Sailed.  
I could instance several Reports of Fishermen, who at several times have seen it, but that I fear those Relations will be looked on as the Chimaeras of a junior Quixot, or foolish Fictions, undeserving the Registry of a serious and judicious memory, since they seem to give Tom Coriat the Lie, and run away with the Whetstone from our famous Knightly Mandevil.  
However I cannot let pass what I heard from several of these Discoverers, who told me, they saw this Island (no blue Cloud, as I would have persuaded them to believe, but a long tract of firm Land) whereupon they bore up to it; yet notwithstanding they made all the Sail they could, in Ten hours Sail they seemed to be farther from it, than when first it appeared to their view.  
Another told me that he saw it, and thereupon made up to it (hoping to be greater than ever that great Usurper Trinkelo, or at least be Viceroy of this Enchanted Island.) The Sky was serene, the Sea smooth, and hardly a breeze of wind stirring, when he made this attempt, and therefore was extremely troubled he could make no better way. Whilst he was thus perplexing himself, the Island seemed to float unto him with such celerity, that in a little time he could discover Rocks, Trees, and men of a prodigious stature, who as they moved, looked like walking Oaks, whose shaggy bushy hair outvy'd the spreading of their leaved branchy tops; and the waving of their hands, resembled much the turning of our Windmills Sails. On the shore, he saw infinite numbers of seeming Beasts of several shapes, and all so dreadful and horrid to look on, that he could endure the sight no longer; wherefore tacking, he stood away in such distraction, that he scarcely knew what he did: and that which contributed thereunto as much as his fear, he was immediately encompassed with a Mist so thick, he could not see his hand before him; yet could he see on the sides of the Vessel, the Masts and Yards, innumerable small lights, which shifted their stations, and interchanged one with another, at length they all incorporated together, whence proceeded a great and unusual slash of Lightning, attended with dreadful claps of Thunder; after which, the Air grew clear, and serene again, but could not discover the least mark of what he had seen before.  
A Third gave me this Account of the Island: That being one day abroad a fishing, he discovered Land where he never saw any before; and resolving to run the same hazard his Brethren had done before, he made up to it: coming within Musket-shot, as he imagined, he was saluted with such a Broadside of Thunder, seconded with Lightning, and such a tumbling Sea, that had he not made all the Sail he could homeward, he had undoubtedly slept in David Jones his Locker. In his return, he found the Needle of his Compass useless, whereupon he tried another, and found that the like; and therefore it was needless to apply himself to either.  
The last Report I shall give you, is thus: A Vessel being bound for the Westward, and coming under the same Latitude where this Enchanted Island is said to be situate, she was suddenly surprised, and involved in a Mist, yet stood under a very stiff gale; whereupon she endeavoured to lie by, but could not, for she would not answer to her Helm. Whilst the men were chase and cursing, one instantly cried out, Land! Land! Helm-a-lee, for the love of God. The Master being alarmed at this dreadful noise, looked out, and saw huge high Rocks just upon his very Bow; whereupon crying out suddenly to Heaven for mercy, those Rocks and Land adjoining immediately, seemed to drop a Curtsy under water, and the Master thought the Vessel sailed clear over them. These strange and seeming incredible Reports, made me very inquisitive after the truth thereof; and in all my inquiries I found the Relations of others so agreeable to the former, that they only differed in some few circumstances: from them all I gathered what was most probable, and made a report thereof to some ingenious men of my acquaintance, who at first smiled at my fond Credulity, and blamed my overforward faith in believing a company of ignorant Fellows, who had neither reason, nor sense enough to distinguish a blue Cloud from Land, which afar off looketh of the same complexion by reason of its distance; and endeavoured to jeer me out of my opinion, by telling me it was as ridiculous as to think there are multiplicity of Worlds, or that one wherein we live, had its matter and form from a confused conflux of Atoms; however, I could not be dispossessed of my persuasion, but persisted therein, till I was farther confirmed by a Dream, wherein I thought I had a view of the whole Isle, and its Inhabitants; and thus it was:  
My brain not any ways disturbed by Fumes proceeding from an overrunning Cup, which are causes of fantastic Dreams, I fell asleep in a Summer's afternoon, and dreamed I saw an Eagle unnaturally great, soaring in the Air; whilst I was wondering at his greatness, he immediately stooped, and took, me up within his talons, and flew away with me with incredible celerity over Mountains and Valleys, and at length brought me to the Seaside: where having rested a little while, he took me up again, and carried me to an Island; and having set me down, vanished.  
I was sirangely amazed hereat, not knowing what to do, till at length a person of a lovely presence. With an Angelical countenance, appeared to me advising me to be of good courage, and follow him; which I did accordingly; but in our way we were obstructed by millions of Devils, and horrid Spectrums, whose shapes and forms were so afrightful, that had it not been for my Guide, I should not have been able to have stirred a foot forward; but by his encouragement I went on, and saw other very strange apparitions, such as would have startled the most undaunted he that wears a head. My Guide having dissipated these, as well as the former, brought me at last unto a place which for soil and temperature of Air might vie with any place in Christendom; here I gave my greedy eyes full liberty to feast on all the delicates Nature is capable to produce, which are too many here to numerate. The verdant Fields, and pleasant Groves, were not to be paralleled; but no sign where any Corn was sown: whatever grew, came up spontaneously, without the labour of the hands. I wondered that I saw no Houses, nor People to inhabit them in such a Paradise as this: whilst my eyes were busily enquiring into the excellency of such objects as presented themselves to my view, I saw Men, Women and Children ascend out of the bowels of the earth (as I thought) who were all naked, very white, and well-featured, who all fell down, and seemed to worship a deformed ill-shapen thing, which I judged was the Devil; hereupon I asked my Guide the meaning hereof, who with an austere countenance told me, That the Isle was under the power of the Prince of the Air, and had been so for many years; but the time is near at hand it shall be so no longer. The words were no sooner spoken, but there followed such loud peals of Thunder, as if the foundation of the earth had been torn asunder, accompanied with such Lightning seemingly to me, as if the element of Fire had been placed in the lower Region: these horrors were accompanied with such dismal sounds, that nothing else could better represent an infernal consort: this continued but a very little, and then the Horizon grew as splendent as before, without the least disturbance. Whilst I was in my greatest amazement, not knowing what to think or do, my Guide vanished, and the former Eagle took me up in his talons, and carried me the same way back again; and having brought me to my habitation, left me, and then I awaked.  
Then did I ponder with myself what this Dream should signify: after various considerations, I concluded this must be O Brazeel, and that I was the man must be its happy Discoverer. There wanted not Arguments to flatter myself into this opinion; and being overjoyed, I instantly ran to a Friend to tell him my Dream, and how well it suited with the former Reports concerning this Enchanted Island: this man did presently put great confidence in my Dream, and readily consented not only to be assistant in this new discovery, but likewise to go himself in person, having at that time a Vessel of his own of about Thirty Tuns ready fitted.  
No man could be fitter for this purpose than he and I: for we were both so indebted to the place wherein we were, that we only wanted a wind to Sell the Country. Having concluded on the design, we made no delays, but getting Seamen aboard befitting our purpose, on October the 9th, 1672. we set Sail, bearing our course due West, sometimes West and by South, and sometimes West-North-West, each traverse not exceeding Fifteen Leagues in Longitude. We thus continued doing about seven days: on the eighth day in the morning, we espied a blue Cloud at West-South-West; the sight hereof overjoyed only the Master, and myself (for there was none of the Seamen privy to our design;) and that we might the sooner enjoy the fruits of our longing expectations, we made all the Sail we could up to it: the nearer our approach, the blacker it grew; and having Sailed towards it about half a watch, it vanished in an extraordinary flash of Lightning.  
Being troubled to be thus disappointed, we altered our course, and stood away to the Northward till the next Morning, lying by all the Night. In the Morning we tacked, and stood to the Southward, and towards the Evening we had sight of it again, and in the Morning we seemed to be very near it, and, as we thought, saw Ships riding at Anchor.  
Now did we verily believe this must be O Brazeel; and whilst the Master and I were contending who should be the Viceroy, or have most power and authority therein, the Wind rose high, and the Sea began to skud against it, the Sky was overcast, and the Elements seemed to contend which should perform first the part of a merciless Executioner.  
Certainly Neptune at this time wanted some pastime, and was resolved to play at Tennis, bandying us to and fro like Balls, making use of his Billows for his Rackets. Thus were we tossed up and down two Days and Nights at least; which so discomposed my Body (being unaccustomed to such labour, and continual watching) that I was forced to go into my Cabin; and though I was sensible of imminent danger, yet my wearied body could no longer hold out. Just as I was rocked into a slumber, in came the Master with more speed than ordinary, being quickened (as any might imagine by his countenance) with the sense and apprehension of some sudden ensuing danger; had he gone about to conceal his fears, he could not have done it, they were written so legible in his face in the characters of horror and amazement: which made me ask him, Whether all was well? he tremblingly, yet churlishly told me, I might sleep on, for 'twas like to be my last. With that I leapt out, and coming on the Deck, I saw a Fellow at his prayers, who never said them, but when he thought he should as certainly die, as be drunk when he came ashore: never did frightful Ghost startle poor timorous Mortals more, than the devout posture of that Fellow did me, knowing it an infallible symptom or forerunner of immediate ruin and destruction. In this dismal and fatal Exigency, I could hardly forbear smiling, (though since I have condemned my Vanity in that condition) to see a Fellow wring of his hands, who had a Nose some days before as red as any blood; which blood was now so chilled and congealed by fear, that it looked like the end of a half-boiled Black-pudding.  
But to be serious, I made a diligent inquiry what should be the cause of their disordered and distracted looks? I was answered by a File of Deaths-heads, That our Vessel had sprung a Leak, and that there was no hope of safety. You may imagine what a strange Metamorphosis these deadly words made in my face; however, I presently bestirred myself, and thought it requisite to use a helping hand, as well as a tongue, to cry God help. By my example, the rest fell to work, who were busy in doing nothing, and knew nothing what they did. I desired the Master to go down into the Hold, to find out the Leak our Ship had sprung; who instantly returned, and told me, That the Leak was both inscrutable, and incurable; for the water flowed in so fast, that we must now number our days by one single minute. I never heard a Deaths-head speak before; and the Truth of it is, he looked much more like Death himself, than his Messenger: had he said not a word, we might have read our ruin in his countenance.  
There was now nothing more to be done, than to hoist our Boat overboard; which was as soon done, as commanded, and every one strove who should leap into it first; I was the second, and having taken in four more, we put off from the Shipside, fearing lest the sinking Ship should draw us in after it.  
Now did we Row we knew not whither, in a Sea which seldom wears a smooth brow in Autumn, which at this time contending with the Wind, swelled into prodigious Mountains, which threatened every moment to be our Monuments.  
And that which aggravated our Misery, we had no sight of Land in an open Boat, no Compass to guide, no Provision to sustain us; and the Night growing on upon us, nothing could preserve us, but a Miracle: and though the waves carried us up to Heaven, yet there was no ground for our hope or belief, that God should put his hand out of a Cloud, and take us miserable Mortals to himself from the top of a surging wave; neither could we expect to meet any ship; for though many ships come from the same place, and bound for the same Haven, yet they seldom meet in the vast Ocean, and Sail in the same Line; there are no beaten paths in the floods, no Highways and common Roads in the Sea.  
Yet such was our good fortune, that we espied a Sail making towards us, and we what we could towards it; but having but two Oars, we were not able to break the waves, and therefore made but little way.  
And now Despair seized us again; for notwithstanding all our endeavours, we could not reach this Vessel, nor the Vessel us: and now indeed I could not forbear shedding tears, although I had no need of more salt water.  
This our pregnant hopes brought forth nothing but wind and water; and we that before, at the sight of this ship, flattered ourselves with the assurance of safety, were now as much confounded with a certainty of perishing. For my part, I judged it a less affliction to have had no hopes at all of a deliverance, than presently to fall from it. Questionless it did redouble the punishment of Tantalus, to kiss those Apples with his lips, which he must not taste with his tongue.  
But again we entertained fresh hopes: for in this our black and dismal Night, we espied a light, which presently we Rowed to with all might and main; the ship standing towards us with more wind than her Sails could well bear, came up quickly with us: we crying all out, She hung on the Lee, and we came aboard of her; we were entertained civilly by the Master of the Vessel, and his men, whom we understood by an English man on board, were Wallisians, and were bound for Montecapernia.  
Notwithstanding we escaped so miraculously, and had such good entertainment from Strangers (when all hopes were lost) yet our dejected countenances sufficiently declared the discontent of our minds, and desiring to be comforted as Job was after our losses, with twice as much as we had before.  
The next Morning the wind somewhat slackened, and the Sea was less turbulent; but towards Night, it blew fresher than it did from the time of our Shipwreck.  
The day being shut in, and the Master knowing he was not far from Land, was at his wits ends, being none of the best Seaman; and whilst I was reading his fears in the confusion of his countenance, and thinking to advise him for the best, the Ship struck against a clefted Rock so violently, that there she stuck, till we had all the opportunity of leaping out; but by reason of the darkness of the Night, the Master knew not where he was.  
With longing expectation to see the Morningstar draw the Curtain of the Night, we roved to and fro, and found still firm footing on a spacious Rock; but as yet we had not light enough to discover us first to ourselves (being as yet in the dark) as ignorant of ourselves, as deplorable condition.  
Never did Night seem longer to any Mortal, than this to me; for besides that I was thinly clad, having cast off my Coat, intending to swim, and had not leisure to put it on again, thinking it better to leave that behind, than myself; I say, I had lost my shoes: so that though I was often up to the calf of the Legs (as I rambled up and down in the dark) yet I could not say I was over shoes.  
And now the long-expected morning drew near, and we fain would have seen before we could. In that twilight, every black Cloud we discerned, we flattered ourselves was some Town, or Village; but when the Sun arose, we found ourselves on a Rock, which was an Island when our Ship split upon it; but the Sea ebbing, left us a dry passage to the shore, which was about Musket-shot distant.  
The Tide coming in, made us hasten to the Land, which was so fortified by Nature with such high and almost-inaccessible Rocks, that in our ascending them, we were in as great danger of breaking our Necks, as before of drowning; but at length, with much difficulty we got to the top, and then the Master knew where he was, in his own Country, viz. Montecapernia; notwithstanding his former loss, he was so overjoyed that he knew where he was, that he leapt, and danced: and for my part, I thought he would have skip't out of his Breeches; and that he might easily do, having a hundred ways for his passage.  
And now before I come to give you an account of our entertainment in this place, with a description thereof, and a character of the people; give me leave to give you an account of our Shipwreck in some few measured lines.  

A great Sea-storm described, which happened in the discovery of O Brazeel, commonly called the Enchanted Island.  

Nothing but Air and Water is in sight,  
And each 'gainst tother did its force unite.  
The blustering Winds let loose did raging fly,  
And made the Water seem to scale the Sky.  
Much like to Libertines let loose, will know  
No Law to guide them, but astracy will go.   

The Sea, to swell her teeming Womb, brings forth  
Wave after Wave, and each of greater Birth:  
Waves grow to Surges, Surges Billows turn;  
The Ocean is all Tympany; the Urn  
Of Water is a Brimmer; Neptune drinks  
So full a Cup, it overslows the brinks:  
Insulting Waves, how durst ye proudly dash  
At Heaven, as though its cloudy face you'd wash!  
What is the lower Water fully bend  
To mix with that above the Firmament?  
Oy by Invasion does it go about  
To put the Element of Fire quite out?  
The Sea rolled up in Mountains: O! 'tis such,  
That Penmen-maur's a Wart, if't be so much.  
Which fall again into such hollow Vales,  
I thought I'd crossed the Sea by Land o'er Wales.  
And then to add confusion to the Seas,  
The Sailors speak such Babel words as these:  
Hale in Main-Bowlin, Mizzen Tack-aboard;  
A Language like a Storm to be abhorred.  
I know not which was loudest, their rude Tongues,  
Or the big Winds with their whole Cards of Lungs.  
So hideous was the noise, that one might well  
Fancy himself to be with Souls in Hell,  
But that the Torments differ; those Souls are  
Punished with Fire, but these with Water here.   

Our Helm, that should our floating Castle sway,  
We lashed it up, lest it should run away.  
Our Ship now under Water seems to Sail,  
Like a Toast drowned within a Tub of Ale.  
Our tattered Sails did all hang down in pieces,  
Like hedge that's hung with Rags, and Beggars fleeces.  
Our Tackling cracked, as if it had been made  
To assist the Fiddlers, not the Boat-swains Trade.   

We pumped our Ship, but to as little end,  
As to repent, yet never to amend:  
For all the Water we pumped out with pain,  
The Sea with scorn returns, and more again.   

The Guns on board, designed for our defence,  
Heaven thundered so, it almost seared them thence.  
And yet to Heaven for this give thanks we may,  
But for its Lightning we had had no day.   

Drinking Salt-water now the Glouds grow sick,  
And spewed it down upon our heads so thick,  
That 'twixt the low, and upper Seas that fell,  
The Ship a Vessel seemed, and we Mackerel  
Pickled in Brine, and in our Cabins lie,  
Soused up therein for Immortality.   

The fear of being drowned, made us wish  
Ourselves transpeciated into Fish.  
Indeed this fear did so possess each one,  
All looked like Shotten-Herring, or Poor-John.  
Nay, of our saving there was so much doubt,  
The Pilots faith began to tack about;  
And had he perished in this doubtful Fit,  
His Conscience sure with the same Ship had split;  
For which way into Heaven his Soul could steer,  
Starboard or Lar-board, that still cries No near?  
But we were in great danger, you will say,  
If Seamen once begin to kneel, and pray.  
What Holy Church ne'er could, the Seas have done,  
Made Seamen buckle to devotion;  
And force from them their Litany, whilst thus  
They whimper out, Good Lord, deliver us:  
So I pray too, Good Lord, deliver me  
Henceforth from being taught to pray at Sea.   
This Wallisian Skipper (who had so much compassion as to take us into his Vessel) had so much good nature to conduct us to a House he knew, which was the Parson's of a neighbouring Village, by whom we were welcomed. Having dried, and refreshed ourselves, we fell into some discourse with Mr. Parson, and his Wife; and though they spoke but little English, yet they indifferently understood the said Iliads of our misfortunes, which they expressed by their tears, weeping bitterly at our relation, so that one would have thought they had suffered Shipwreck, and not we. What meat they had, they did set before us; and we fell to it so heartily, as if we would have repaired all we lost before by our long fasting, at one meal.  
Their Bread was broad Oat-cakes baked on a flat stone, made of stuff much like that which the Welsh call Haver-meal; but their Beer is very strong, which they brew on purpose, as I imagine, to verify the Proverb, Good Drink, is Meat, Drink, and Cloth: for in the coldest season they will go barefoot, and be clad very thin; but they will be sure to keep their understandings warm, and line their insides well with their potent Liquor.  
The next day, the Parson to express his kindness in a more liberal manner, desired us all to Dine with him: we had but one Dish for entertainment, and that so crammed with such variety of God's Creatures, that this Dish seemed to me to be the first Chapter of Genesis; there was Beef, Mutton, Goats, and Kids-flesh, Bacon, Roots, etc. and all so confounded, that the best palate could not read what he did eat, nor by his taste know and distinguish the several sorts of Creatures: though I was hungry enough, I did not like their thus working meat into a new Chaos, and saucing the Creator's creatures out of the knowledge of Mankind. But when I understood that this hodgepodge proceeded more from Custom, than Curiosity; and that this was one point of their good husbandry, to boil all together to save charges, my former Censure was somewhat mitigated.  
The Parson took so great a liking to me, that he would not be denied, but that I should stay with him one Month; to which, with much entreaty, I consented: the rest of the company took such courses as were most convenient for their present condition. In this time he brought me acquainted with many Gentlemen of this Country, one whereof so prevailed with me, as to live with him two years; in which time, I took these true ensuing observations of the Country: if they are not so large and full as expected, let my small stay in that place make my Apology.    

The DESCRIPTION of Montecapernia, WITH THE Natures of the People, their Qualities, Humours, Modes, Fashions, and Religion.  
MOntecapernia is divided into two great parts, South and North; and it may well admit of this division, since there is so great a difference in the manners and language of both places; the South understanding the North, for the most part, as little as the English do the Cornish.  
The name Montecapernia, seems to be derived from the Latin Mons and Caper, as much as to say, Montes Caprorum, Mountains of Goats; and so it may properly have that appellation, since there are few Countries afford greater plenty of them; whose nature is such, they will climb cragged and almost inaccessible high Mountains, and dangerous Precipices, with as much facility as a Squirrel shall a Tree.  
Montecapernia to the Southward, is a Country enriched with Nature's chiefest Treasures; the fruitfulness of whose Soil may vie with most places of the Universe.  
Their Hills for height are dreadful to the eye; and although they seem almost inaccessible, yet are very profitable to the Inhabitants, not only as to the Mines of Coals, Led, and Silver, contained within the bowels of these Mountains, but also to the good Common they afford to vast numbers of Sheep, which are but small, yet very sweet Mutton, whose fleece employs many hands in that Country; which plentifully supplies many more near adjacent, with good serviccable Cloth, Freeze, Flannel, etc.  
Neither is the Northward of this Country so barren, but that the Land produceth what is necessary for the sustenance, profit, and pleasure of the Inhabitants. Their Beasts in general are but small, yet such (as are for food) much more indulge the palate, than any flesh in other parts; what are for labour, are very serviceable, being full of mettle, exceeding hardy, and will carry Burdens, the greatness whereof would startle any man's belief.  
The Country is watered by many excellent Rivers and Rivulets, which are furnished with great numbers of variety of Fish; one sort whereof I took special notice of, having never seen the like before; the Natives call it a Mort, they are of all sizes, speckled with red spots on the side, some whereof are as big as a Salmon, and eat exactly like it.  
Their Seas round about supply them with all manner of Shellfish, and other sorts, the choicest which ever came to Neptune's Table; which they convey to other Country's circumjacent, and thereby make a very great advantage.  
Their Marshes and Rivers (of which they have plenty) are visited by multitudes of Wildfowl in the Winter-season; their Hills are stored with Woodcock, Groust, Heath-cock, etc. Nor are they a little stored with Red-deer, Hares, and Rabbits.  
Fish and Flesh of all sorts are sold cheaper than can be imagined; as a Quarter of Mutton for Eight pence, an Ell-long Salmon for Ten pence, a Pullet for a Groat, and in some places (according to the season) Twenty Eggs a penny. I know not whether this cheapness may arise from the plenty of the aforesaid provision, or the scarcity of money.  
The People in general are great admirers of their Pedigree, and have got their Genealogy so exactly by heart, that though it be two hours work for them to repeat the names only from whence they are descended lineally, yet will they not omit one word in half a dozen several Repetitions; from whence I gather, they say them instead of their Pater noster, or their Evening and their Morning Prayers.  
The Gentry (for the most part) are extracted from very ancient Families, who are adored by the Commonalty; and to give them their due, are good natured Gentlemen, exceeding free, and courteous to strangers, and extraordinary generous in their entertainments; insomuch that I have seen in a Gentleman's house of indifferent estate, at a moderate Treat, Twenty Dishes, many of them trebly jointed, to recompense the smallness of the meat.  
Their want of Wine is supplied by most incomparable Beer and Ale, which runs as free as Water on a visit; and if you do not drink as freely, they think they have not made you welcome; so that a man knows not how to take leave, till he is unable to stir a foot.  
They are very courteous in their Speech, and noble in their Carriage, firm (where they take) and constant in their Resolutions, splendid in their public Ceremonies (of Shrievalry, and the like) courageous, stout, and great lovers of their Prince and Country; honourable in their Inclinations, and resolute in their Erterprises. In short, they are generally accomplished in most respects, and greatly given to that they call Hospitality.  
As I have thus Characterised the good, so take the bad with it, according to my observation, during my abode in this Country: the purest Wheat will have its Chaff, and there is no Wine but hath some Lees.  
Travelling into some places of no mean extent, I thought myself to be at the Fag-end, or A— of the World; the Land being so exceeding barren, and destitute of Wood, that for Ten or Twenty miles together (cross the Country) you could not see a Bush to tie your Horse to, till you have untrust a point; and therefore you must either bridle your mouth to stay your Horse, or trust to the tame nature, and good conditions of the Beast; who if he be inclined to cool his mouth with a tuft of grass, he may sooner find it in a Featherbed; but if the quickness of the Air hath given him an appetite to eat, and a Stomach to digest Heath, Moss, and scragged Stones, he cannot want Provision.  
The People in these barren places have so little converse with Travellers, and the paths are so untrodden, that a man must aim at the way by guess, or carry a Compass with him: and yet he may easily mistake the most noted Road; which if he do, he had need have recourse to his devotion for his miraculous deliverance from riding Twenty-four hours, and never the nearer his Journeys end; nay, it may be not six Miles distant from whence he strayed, and in all his Travels see nothing but a flock of Geese, some scattered Sheep, half a dozen ragged Colts, and now and then a few Crows flying over his head, unless by chance under the side of some Hill (if near a common Road) he discovers a Smoke, which if he make towards (and happily escape a Bogg (of which the Hills afford great plenty, and very dangerous too) yet will it be difficult to discern the stately Mansion whence the Smoke arose, till his Horse's feet be very near the roof; such is the Natives care in sheltering themselves within the Walls of Nature: And upon this account, I have heard several of them brag of the strength and strange situation of their Towns, one whereof I had described to me, which engaged my Curiosity to see it; whence I took this observation.  
It is situated in a little Vale, encompassed round with Walls, which are a Mile thick, and more; the entrance into the Town is under water, and the Steeple belonging to the Town, grows every years.  
This place lies to the Norward of Montecapernia; and though it be contemptible for its buildings; yet is often made the place for the General Assize of that County, where the Justices of Oyer and Terminer sit: where note, that this Country is governed by as wholesome Laws as any other Country. Now to unriddle the aforesaid description, the Town is built in a Hole, encompassed with very great and high Hills, which meet in their tops almost at the entrance into Town, by which means there is a Trough made over the passage from one Hill to the other, for a conveyance of a watery Brook, which otherwise would annoy the passage into Town: under this Trough the People travel, which is their going under water into Town: as for the Steeple, they have none, but the Bell hangs in an Yew-Tree in the Churchyard; and there lies the quibble, that the Steeple grows every year.  
They boast of other strange things they have in their Country, namely, a great Green Bridge two or three Miles in length, on which (like that under which the River Anus runs in Spain) they can feed Two or three hundred Head of Cattle. It seems there is a River in this Country that runs some Miles underground, and disimbogues itself into the Sea; the Inhabitants report, if a Goose should be put into this River, and she swim through this earthen Bridge, she will come out with never a feather on her back; the cause to me is occult and hidden.  
There is another place far within the Land, through which, at high-water, the Sea will dash up a considerable height, with a noise both horrible and hideous; this is occasioned by the concaved Earth, giving an inlet to the Sea.  
They talk of a Well also they have, in which there is Thirty steps to descend into it; in the stony side whereof, there is the exact impression of a man, which they say was Christ (by which you may gather the Montecapernians have heard of our Saviour:) this impression was occasioned, as they say, when our Saviour descending this Well to drink, he leaned against the Wall, which was so tender-natured as to yield to his sides and limbs, lest its hardness should hurt any of them.  
Though these things may seem incredible, yet I can assure this, that they will talk to one another above Two miles distant; that is, one shall stand on the top of one high Hill, and the other upon the other: And though their tops are near, yet in the descending of one, and ascending the other Hill, reckoning the interval between, and it will not amount to less than two Miles: this they will brag of too; and to show their wit, will tell you pretty stories; as for example, that two Fathers, and two Sons, killed three Hares, and each carried home one, and no more; that is, there was Grandfather, Father and Son: And to amuse you, will tell you, that one of their Countrymen caught a Fox, a Salmon, and a Pheasant at one draught in a Net; that is, the Net was laid for the Pheasant, in a small Wood near the Seaside, where was a Wire in which was a Salmon, which the Fox getting, ran with it into the Wood, and so into the Net, just as he was drawing for the Pheasant, and so caught them all three.  
The Montecapernian Cots are generally built on the side of a Hill, not to be discerned till you just come upon them. The Cottage is usually raised Three foot from the Eves to the ground on the one side, and the other side hath a Rock for a Wall to save charges, in regard carriage is dear, and money but scarce, especially to such, who never see it but once in Seven years, when out of pure devotion they go to the next Market-Town in the season to receive the consirmation of their Faith, by sipping of Wine out of a Silver Cup, which the Parson's Wife sets all the year after for a grace on the Cupboard, and frequently serves for a Brandy-taster. If for nothing else, but for their taking the Sacrament, you may know they are no Heathens.  
The Hearth is placed in the middle of the house, and their Fuel is made of Earth and Cowdung dried in the Sun; the Smoke goes through no particular place, but breaks through every part between the Rods or Wattles of which they make their Doors, sides, and Roof of the house, which commonly is no bigger than an overgrown Pig-stye; to which they have two Doors, one always shut on that side where the wind blows; from whence I believe it is, that they brag they have the quickest Arenitects in all the world, because they can build a house in a day.  
The houses seem to mourn for the sterility of the Country, being hung all in black, occasioned by the Smoke; and but look up, you may see the oil of Smoke naturally extracted, beyond the Art of Chemistry, hanging on the Rods; which if it chance to fall upon your clothes, I'll warrant you are marked for a black Sheep, nor shall the art of man remove the stain.  
They delight not in variety of Rooms, hating Three Stories, as a Zealot does the Triple-Crown; and that they may have all their Family about them enclosed in one Room, the Goodman and his Wife have their Bed raised up about half as high as the Roof, which is the Taster to their Bed, made of Straw or Rushes, according to cold or warmer weather. The Sheets are the Woman's Smock, which (if she be a good Housewife) shall contain her smaller Children on the one side, and her Husband on the other, when closed up; and he peeping out at her bosom, you would take it to be an Hermaphroditical Monster, big with Child, and ready to be delivered.  
They get into this Bed by a stone or two set by the side: the Man and Wife lie at one end, and what Children they have (Boys and Girls) lie at the other, their feet meeting all together higgle-de-piggle-dee. The rest of the Family they dispose of thus: a Goat or an Ewe they tie to the Beds-feet; over their heads Roost their Cocks and Hens, and now and then show the nature of their name, foul the foul faces of their Master and Dame; this Dung likewise serves instead of Soap when they have occasion to wash, which is but seldom, having nothing besides their clothes to wear, but a Neck-cloth, and a Flannel Smock.  
Their general Food is a thin Oat-cake, which they bake upon a broad flat stone made hot, a little Sheeps-milk Cheese, or Goats-milk, boiled Leeks, and some Roots; but seldom eat flesh, or drink strong Beer, but at Fairs, and Public Solemnities: and then it is pity, for at any time Small-beer will set their Heads afloat, and their Tongues into a perpetual motion, talk of nothing but Pedigrees, grow quarrelsome, fight with their own Heels, and may be lose their stockings and shoes before they get home, which else might last them an Age, in regard they never wear them, but carry them on their backs, going barefoot, till they come near a Market-Town, where Men and Women alike, with an inch-Pipe filled with Pigs-tail, or Mundungus Tobacco, and a great Turf of fire to light it, sit down on the ground, and put on their Stockings and Shoes to go in, and at their return, at the same place, pull them off again; being more afraid to scratch their Shoes, than cut their Feet and Toes: whose skin is so hardened, that Men, Women and Children, in the midst of Winter, go Barefoot on sharp Stones, pieces of Ice, edge or side, all alike to them; for which reason there are few Shoocmakers in the Country, because commonly their Shoes last them an Age.  
At other times, their Drink is either three parts Water, and a fourth Milk, which they call Glastor, or a handful of Crabs bruised and laid asoak in a Bowl-full of running Water, for two or three hours. They have another sort of Drink called Whig, which is a kind of a sour Whey. Likewise they have a Drink called Sicken-pen-fon, cold water poured on the Grains.  
The People are naturally inclined to Pride; and to show the Antiquity of their Family, some of them derive themselves the immediate and next of kind to Adam.  
It is a thousand pities the People are so slothful, being given to no manner of Industry, Husbandry, or any other useful improvement; which partly occasions the barrenness of the Country so much to appear, that otherwise by active spirits might easily evince the contrary: for though they have many Hills, Mountains, and Bogs, yet have they matchless rich Valleys.  
It may be conjectured their sloathfulness may in part be occasioned by their ignorance; some of the indifferent sort being brought up to read, and by the pretence of Centility, scorning a Trade, never heed the farther improvement of their Fortunes, or understandings, till the Father dies, and the Elder Brother possess the Estate.  
They are a People generally envious, especially of the rise of their Neighbours; naturally pragmatical, and inquisitive after others affairs, and always blabbing, and telling Tales; and so litigious, that they are ready to go to Law, if they see their Neighbour's Horse put his head over their Hedge, or his Goose at their Barns-door.  
The Women are infected with the like quarrelsome humour. I have seen two Women about some trivial matter, fall together by the ears; the Men took each others part, one Neighbour seconded one, and the next another; till they had engaged two thirds of the Town in the quarrel, and none of them knew for what they fought, or how the fray began; and to be revenged the more of one another, they sent the next opportunity for process in Battery, Trespass, Scaadal, and I know not what: and then to Law they went (for they love it above any thing) when they had spent their money, they were forced to put it to a Reference, and then are at another charge in Treating the Arbitrators, and their Friends; who having feasted themselves, leave the business as they found it: And yet this great charge and trouble will not dissuade them from following these litigious courses, but are never at quiet, but when they have some suit or other depending: their Lawyers taking notice of the temper of the People, promote the differences, in humouring their fancies; by which means, they continually drain their pocket, and this is one great cause of their general poverty.  
The Commonalty are extremely awed by their Superiors; in such sort, a Tenant fears as much to speak against a Lord of the Manor, or their next powerful Neighbour, as wiser men would dread to speak Treason against a Prince, under whose Allegiance be lives, and hath sworn to. And I have heard say, that some of them will swear and forswear any thing, that may tend to the benefit of that Landlord from whom he hath any dependence, and think it no great crime.  
Many notorious Vices are among them, which they look upon to be things of another complexion; and this I believe proceeds from their ignorance in Religion: and that ignorance is occasioned by their Superiors, who in these latter years, have engrossed to themselves all Church-lands, and allowance for the Clergy. In several places it is so small, that six such portions will scarcely keep a single man alive.  
I knew one that had to the value of but Eighteen shillings English money per Annum, to officiate in Divine Service on the Sabbath day; and therefore all the rest of the Week he was forced to Thatch, Thresh, or wrought otherways for Three pence a day.  
The next thing we shall Treat of, is the particular parts of Worship in their Religion;  
And first for Baptism, they generally do carry the Child to the Church, as soon as born, if the Church be near, where at the Font the Child is named by the Godfathers and Godmothers, with a short Ceremony; all whose Christian names, with the Parents, are conjoined, which if wrote at length, would blot more paper than the Titles of the Grand Signior.  
The Women are of a very strong constitution, the middling sort hardly keeping their Beds three days at a lying in; and the fourth day will give no quarter to the groaning Ale, fight the fifth, and it may be go to Church the sixth, with the mark of the Lord of Northumberland's Arms under the Callicoe Hood, which they wear for a Kerchief.  
Their Marriages are made like bargains of old, like a Pig in a poke unseen; for the Parents meet over a Cup of nappy Ale, where making some bargain for Wheat, Oats, or any other necessary thing they want, at last strike up a match between their Son and Daughter: this serves instead of wooing, by which means the first meeting is seldom till the Man comes to fetch the Woman to Church, attended with a Rabble of all the Relations, who must out of pure love not be sober that whole Week, and then the next Sunday attend them to Church again; and there ends the Ceremony.  
They have no scruples in their Marriages (as I could hear of) for the nearest of Kin often intermarries with the other, one man frequently marrying two Sisters, etc.  
Their Burials retain something of the Relics of Popish Ceremony: for next Night after the decease of the person, every Friend, Neighbour and Relation comes to his House, and brings each a Candle, and a Gun of Ale, where this jovial Crew light up their Lights, making a good Fire, and then drink remembrances of the dead, till some of them lose their own, and for want of Feet stand in need as much of Bearers home, as the Corpse to the Grave.  
When the time comes to carry it out, which is within three or four days after the decease of the person, the Priest in his Surplice walks before the Guests, round the Corpse, all confusedly, and the Corpse in the middle: being near the Church, the Men put off their Hats, and then Men and Women fet up together such a hideous cry, that I can resemble it to nothing more proper, than to that, drowning Men make when the Ship is sinking: This they continue till they come to the Church, where the Priest in his own Language reads a little Service.  
And here observe the policy of the Priest: for having no certain Fee allowed for Burials, but by custom receives the free-will-offering of the next of Kin, and Friends to the deceased; he will be sure, for fear he lose any of the Guests, to stop in the midst of the Service, and leaying his Book open, stands with his face directly against the Corpse; by which dumb signs, the People knowing his mind, they make their offering. The first of Kin goes to the Communion-Table, and throws down his Benevolence, perhaps a sixpence, if he be a Brother, or so near a Relation. The rest by Pence, or Twopences, do so increase the Parson's stock, that it may amount to Three or four shillings. After this he goes on merrily with the remaining part of the Divine Service; and having finished it, away to the Alehouse, where he is sure to have his charge born for that day.  
Another strange passage they have at their Burials, which I had almost omitted; that is, they first give wheaten Loaves to the Poor, and as the Corpse stands at the door on a Bier, the next of Kin to the deceased, taketh a new wooden Bowl (never used) filled with the best Liquor they have, and half a dozen wheaten Loaves, with a good piece of Cheese, and gives it cross the Corpse to any whom he fancies to be the poorest Beggar; who receives the same, and immediately drinks the Liquor, with a blessing to the Soul departed. Desiring to be satisfied concerning the meaning of that strange Ceremony, they answered, That the Souls of the deceased in their Rambles in the Elysium, do meet with a sweet-tasting pleasant Fountain, of which each Soul doth drink his Bowl; and if that Ceremony were not performed at the Burial of the Deceased, they think that Soul would want those Necessaries in its supposed Ramble thither.  
Their Sunday is the most leisure-day they have, on which they use all manner of Sports; in every Field a Fiddle, and the Lasses footing it till they are all of a foam, and grow infinitely proud with the blear-eye of affection her Sweetheart casts on her Feet, as she dances, to a Tune, and no Tune, played on an Instrument that makes a worse noise than a Key upon a Gridiron.  
Their greatest Zeal, is in keeping Sacred some old Sayings of their great Grandsires, and preserving Sacred some old Relict of their Grandmothers; in both of which they are so strict, that for the first, if they hear one whistle in the Night, they are afraid, and will avoid you; because, say they, our Ancestors told us, that such as whistle in the Night, conversed with the Devil, and call those Spirits in the Air together, by such sound, to confer with them.  
The Relics of their Grandmothers are as severe; for if she leave but an old Chair, a wooden Spoon, or any other trifle to them, they will preserve it Sacred, fearing to prejudice it in the least; should any such thing accidentally happen, they would absolutely conclude it did presage some harm ensuing.  
They are great Lovers of Women, especially such of their own Country; and so unsensible of the guilt, that they glory in the crime, and brag of their spurious issue.  
A Gentleman of good Note, whom I knew, had so many, that he knew them not when he saw them: several strange Women whom he knew not, taking notice of this advantage, did frequently send their Children to him, who to be rid of them quickly, gave them his formal blessing, with some small piece of money.  
I have heard of two other Gentlemen as libidinous as the former, the Uncle and Nephew; the latter of which living in the Metropolis of Montecapernia, had a very handsome Maid to his servant; yet although he had an incomparable Beauty to his Wife, nothing would serve his turn but the enjoyment of his Maidservant: few persuasions were required to induce her to that which her own inclinations led her to; so that in a little time she was wholly at her Master's devotion.  
Not long after, she proved with Child; and that he might not incur the displeasure of his virtuous Wife (not that he feared the blemishing of his Reputation for having a Bastard) he sent her whilst she was young with Child to his Uncle, that there she might privately Lie in, and no notice be taken.  
The Uncle received her, and became his Nephew's Confident in his stolen Amours, without reproving him for his wantonness. Now, as one kindness deserves another; so the Uncle having gotten this same Woman with Child a, little time after her delivery, and sending her to his Nephew to Lie in, the Nephew could do no less than receive her; and did so, concealing the ignominy of his Uncle as much as in him lay. Such was their success in not being discovered (the Wenches mouth being stopped with money) that the Nephew sell to work again with her as soon as she had delivered her loading; and getting her with Child, sent her back to his Uncle: And thus they sent her as a Token one to the other, till they had got six Children between them; and had she not died a little after she was quick of the seventh, there might have been a generation between them as long as the first Chapter of Matthew.  
More might be said in landem & vituperium, in the praise and dispraise of Montecapernia; but my stay being there but a very little, I wanted both information, and further observation.   
FINIS.